#nicky let this happen two (2) times before just going for pizza himself

[youssefguedira]

V, JoeNicky & Nile

V. An abandoned or empty place.

When Joe pulls the sheet off the couch it kicks up enough dust that it makes Nile sneeze. The couch underneath is old, wooden frame rotting, fabric stained and full of holes where moths have eaten away at it. 

“Sorry,” Joe says to Nile when she finally manages to get the sneezing under control. “Didn’t realise it was that bad.” He puts his hands on his hips and looks down at the couch. Nile looks it over.

“There’s no saving that,” she says, wiping at her eyes. She can heal from falling over ten stories, but she can’t get away from allergies.

Joe frowns. “I liked that couch.”

The house is older than anywhere else they’ve brought her, and has been abandoned for long enough that it’s falling apart. But through some trick of posing as their own sons, or something, Joe and Nicky still own it, even if there’s a giant hole in the roof and all the windows are broken. Why they’d decided to come back here, Nile doesn’t know, but it’s a nice enough area, and a good distraction from, well. Everything. Growing back a leg, she’s discovered, is not fun. 

From one of the other rooms – she thinks it’s the kitchen, she’s not actually sure where Nicky had wandered to – there’s the sound of something breaking and crashing to the ground, and a muffled curse. 

Joe makes a questioning noise in the vague direction of the kitchen. A few moments later, Nicky appears in the doorway, covered in dust. “I am okay,” he says. “But I think we will need to go out to eat tonight.”

“Nothing?” 

Nicky shakes his head. “Unless you want to start a fire and go hunt some rabbits.”

Joe grins. “Just like old times, right?”

Nile shakes her head firmly, which makes Nicky smile. She loves them, but there’s no way they’re doing that. 

“We can probably clear out enough space in here,” Joe says, gesturing to the floor. “Get the sleeping bags out of the car. Probably have to start a fire anyway, but…”

Nile looks around again while Joe says something to Nicky in Arabic that makes him laugh. The house is falling apart, sure, but it’s structurally stable, and the bones are all there. It could be something. They’ve got time to make it something. 

Nicky is the one who goes for pizza in the end – he doesn’t trust Nile and Joe to order it if left to their own devices – while they try to clear out a space in the living room. Eventually, though, after Nile has another sneezing fit, Joe suggests they just take the sleeping bags outside instead, which works out a lot better. He sets about starting a fire with practiced ease while Nile sets out the sleeping bags around it. They’re far enough away from civilisation that she can’t hear cars passing by, which is kind of surreal, and the stars are brighter than she’s ever seen them. 

When Nicky gets back, two boxes balanced on one arm and a bottle of wine in the other, he looks over their makeshift camp and laughs. “Just like old times, then?” he asks.

Joe grins. “Except we have pizza.”

“And actual sleeping bags,” Nile says.

“Ah, these modern inventions could never quite match the comfort of a pile of furs,” Joe says wistfully. Nile gives him a look. She’s ninety percent sure that one’s bullshit, but she can never quite tell with him. 

Nicky sets down the pizza boxes, and jogs back to the car to grab the pack of plastic wine glasses they’d bought before they got here. 

“We should’ve bought marshmallows,” Nile says. “Could have made s’mores.”

“Well, we’ll have to go to the hardware store tomorrow anyway,” Joe points out. “And I think it’ll be a little while before we can actually sleep in there.”

“Tomorrow, then?”

“Tomorrow,” Nicky agrees.

[svucarisiaddict]

can you do one where the reader and nick are dating but break up when he leaves for californa and the reader doesn’t want to leave svu, and slowly falls in love with carisi? sorry if it’s too broad ahah

//this turned out longer than I thought. I’m going to be doing a part 2! In this fic the reader is a forensic DNA analyst.//

“I can’t believe you’re really not coming with me.” Nick held your hand swinging it back and forth. “Are you sure I can’t change your mind?”

“We’ve talked about this, Nick,” you replied gently.

“I know. Can’t blame a guy for trying.” He smiled. “Well, I should get going if I want to make Indianapolis by dark.” Nick pulled you to his chest. “I don’t want to let you go.” Nick’s voice cracked.

“Me either.” You squeezed him back unable to believe it would be quite possibly the last hug you would ever get from him. Leaning back you looked into dark brown eyes.

“I will always love you, Y/N,” Nick pressed a soft kiss to your lips.

“I love you too, Nicky.”

Nick climbed into the moving truck. “I'll call when I stop for the night.”

“Okay.” ‘Don't cry. Don't cry.’ It had been your mantra all day.

He waved one final time then drove away. You watched until your tear-blurred eyes couldn’t see anymore. Turning you made the sad walk back into the apartment.

Later that evening you were shuffling around what was now your apartment. Just yours. All alone. Maybe you should get a cat. Or a dog. As you rummaged through the cabinet looking for the peanut butter the doorbell rang. “Ugh.”

Swinging open the door you found Sonny standing in front of you with a pizza box in one hand and plastic bags in his other hand. “Can I come in?” Sonny breezed into the apartment. “What? Do ya not check to see who is at your door first?” Sonny placed the pizza box on the counter along with the plastic bags.

“What are you doing here?” You lifted the lid of the pizza box. “Is this extra cheese with pepperoni and pineapple?”

“I was sittin’ at home bored so I thought I’d come over and bug you.” Sonny smirked. “Got ya some butter pecan ice cream, beef jerky, orange soda and salt and vinegar chips.”

That was the last straw. You covered your face with your hands and started sobbing.

Sonny came around the table and gathered you in his arms. You buried your face in his chest grasping at his soft flannel. He soothed your hair swaying back and forth. “Shhh..doll. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Sonny just held and comforted you until your sobs turned into soft whimpering. He leaned back and tilted your chin up. “I got you the wrong ice cream didn’t I?”

You giggled. “No. It’s all my favorites.”

“Here.” Sonny pulled a handkerchief from his pocket.

“Thanks.” The gesture made you made you smile. You could remember the first time you met Sonny. It was during a night out with the squad. Nick become upset about a guy hitting on you. The two of you got in a fight after Nick punched the guy. You had had enough of his temper and fighting. He got mad and stormed out leaving you at the bar. Sonny gave you a handkerchief and comforted you that night too.

“Better?” Sonny asked.

“Yeah.” Smiling up at Sonny you said, “Ummm...I was going to watch I Love Lucy.”

“That happens to be one of my favorite shows. Hands down.”

You and Sonny were laughing so hard you snorted which caused Sonny to laugh even harder. Hearing your phone buzz on the kitchen table you jumped up and answered. “Hello?” you said in a breathless voice.

“Hey. What are you doing?” Nick’s voice sounded tired. “I made it to Indiana.”

“Oh good to hear. How was the drive?” Sonny laughed making you giggle.

“Long. Is that Sonny?” Nick asked.

“Yeah. He-”

“What the Hell is he doing there? I’m gone for 12 hours and he swoops in?” Nick’s voice changed from tired and soft to angry.

“Nick if you remember right, you’re the one that moved across the country. We broke up. Sonny is a friend,” you said. “You know what? I don’t have to defend myself to you. I’m glad you’ve had a safe trip so far. But don’t call me anymore.” Ending the call you leaned against the kitchen counter and pinched the bridge of your nose.

“I hope I wasn’t the reason for all that.” He waved his hand around in the air.

“Nope. Just Nick being Nick. Let’s get back to Lucy.” You gave him a small smile then walked past him to the living room.

At 1am your phone rang again. You fumbled for your phone not bothering to look at the screen before answering. “Hello?” Your voice was raspy from sleep.  

“Hey,” Nick said softly. After you didn’t say anything Nick continued. “I’m sorry for earlier. You’re right. It’s not my business and I know Sonny was just being a good friend.”

“Thank you.” You took a deep breath and sighed.

“Well, that’s all I needed. Goodnight, Y/N.”

“Goodnight, Nick.”

[From:Sonny 4:55PM] We still on for pizza and movies?

[To:Sonny 4:59PM] Well it is Friday…

[From:Sonny 5:02PM] Great see ya at 6

For the last few months, you and Sonny had a standing date every Friday. Usually, it was pizza, junk food, and movies at one of your places. When Nick first left it was one of the things that helped you get through the week.

At 6 sharp Sonny walked through the door pizza in hand. He leaned down and kissed your cheek. “TGIF am I right?”

“Amen. Want to see the movies I picked?” Sonny nodded as he took plates from the cabinet. “So. I’m feeling chick flicky today. Must be PMS.”

Sonny raised his brows. “Oh boy. I hope I bought enough chocolate.”

“Hush you.”

Sonny studied the cases as you held them up. “Beaches, Steel Magnolias, Marley and Me. Wow. That’s the tearjerker collection.”

At some point in the evening, you fell asleep. The last thing you remembered was Marley trying to jump out of Owen Wilson’s car. Sonny woke you when he shifted. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It’s okay. What time is it?”

“11:30,” Sonny responded. “I was just getting ready to go.”

You sat up. “No, stay here. It’s too late. Couch pulls out. I’ll grab some fresh linens.” Getting up you stepped over Sonny’s long legs. Being the graceful person you were you tripped and fell into Sonny’s lap. His hands grasped your waist and your faces were so close, lips so close...both of you leaning closer, lips brushing.

“I-uh-sorry.” You pulled back. “I’m going to get those sheets…”

Sonny brushed your hair from your face. “Don’t be. I’d really like to kiss you-”

He was interrupted by the ringing of your phone. You jumped up from his lap. Nick’s face popped up on screen. “Hi.”

“Y/N? It’s Zara! I miss you!”

“Hey, Zara. Miss you too toots. How are you enjoying LA?” You pointed to your phone and mouthed Zara’s name to Sonny to which he smiled.

“It’s so fun and always warm,” she responded enthusiastically. “Here Daddy wants to talk to you.”

“Oh uh, I don’t really-”

“Don’t really want to what?” Nick asked.

“Nothing. How are you?”

“I’m doing really well. Miss you though.”

“Hmmm...me too. How is working for the Parks going?”

Nick sighed. “Boring. But I’m okay with boring.”

Sonny pointed to the door then waved.

“Nick. Hold on a sec.” You placed your hand over the phone. “No. Stay.”

“I’ll text you when I get home.” He gave you another wave then was out the door.

“Sorry. I’m back. So boring huh? Tell me about it.” You pulled out a stool.

The next evening was a girl’s night out to celebrate your best friend, Christy’s birthday. You had just downed another shot when Sonny walked through the door with a woman. She was tall, thin, gorgeous. The exact opposite of what you were. Jealousy surprisingly sprung up in your eyes out of nowhere.

“Isn’t tha ole Sonny boy?” Christy asked.

“Yup. Looks like he’s got himself a lady friend.” You stood to take a second to regroup and steady yourself. “I’m gonna go say hi.”

Christy giggled. “Didn’t want to kiss you just last night? Now, look at em got some Victoria’s Secret model on his arm.”

“Stop it,” you giggled and swatted at her hand.

He spotted you when you were halfway to him. He stiffened and averted his eyes.

“Fancy seein’ you here,” you slurred.

“Y/N. Are you drunk?” He grasped your shoulders to steady you.

“Maybe. Maybe not.” You covered your mouth to suppress a giggle. “Who’s your friend?”

“I’m Lisa,” the tall blonde replied. She extended her hand.

You ignored it crossing your arms over your chest. “What are your intentions with Sonny? You’re so tall.”

Now it was their turn to giggle. You narrowed your eyes at both of them. “What’s so funny?”

“Lisa is one of my oldest friends. She’s in town for a couple days so we’re getting a drink to catch up.” Sonny explained.

You nodded eyes half closed. “Hmmm...well enjoy your evening. With your “friend”.” You wavered when you turned to go back to Christy.

Sonny caught you. “Let me get you home,” Sonny offered. “Where’s Christy?”

You waved in her direction. When you focused you could see Tyler, Christy’s boyfriend had arrived at some point. “Interesting,” you slur. “Why does everyone have someone but me?”

Sonny wrapped his arm around your middle to support you. “You have me.” He went to the table to retrieve your purse letting you say goodnight to your friends.

Sonny led you to the door, Lisa following behind him. You gave Sonny a questioning look. “Why’s everyone so tall tonight? I wanna be tall.”

“That’s not somethin’ you can change doll.” Sonny gave Lisa a hug.

Once outside Sonny hailed a cab. He helped you climb in then slide in beside you. He gave the taxi driver your address. You laid your head on his chest and was out before the cab pulled away from the curb.

“Hey. Y/N. Y/N. We’re home,” Sonny said softly then gently shook you. When he realized he wasn’t going to wake you he paid the driver then climbed from the taxi. He pulled you from the car picked you up cradling you and closed the door with his foot. Adjusting you he took the key from his pocket.

You woke up enough to convince him to sit you down. Sonny unlocked the door and helped you to the bedroom. He went to the dresser. “Where are your PJ’s?”

“Don’t wear no PJ’s.” You stood and slipped you jeans of over your hips then kicked out of them which didn’t happen since your shoes were still on.

Sonny reached you in a couple steps. His cheeks were slightly blushed. He helped you out of your Converse, socks then jeans. “Under the covers. Let’s go.”

You crawled to the top of the bed. Reaching around your unclasped you bra sliding the straps down your arms then pulled it through an armhole leaving you in nothing but a T-shirt and your panties.

Sonny chuckled when you slingshot it across your bedroom landing it on top of your mirror. “Nice shot.” He kissed your temple then tucked the blankets in around you. “Night. I’ll call ya in the mornin’”

“Do you love Lisa?”

He chuckled. “Not in the way you think. She’s like a sister.” He turned to leave. “Get some sleep.”

“Sonny wait. Stay here tonight. Please.”

“I dunno if I should,” Sonny said the look on his face conflicted.

“I’ll behave. I promise. I’m just tired of being lonely. Just one night I want to feel arms around me when I sleep. Please.”

He studied you for a minute then sighed. “I can’t say no to that face.” Sonny turned to the door and shut off the light. You heard his shoes come off then his coat. “Scooch over.” Sonny settled under the covers with your back against his chest. You could feel your body relax almost instantly. His arm draped over your middle. “Night doll. Hope you don’t snore.”

“Night Sonny.”

The next morning you woke to the smell of freshly brewed coffee. And...was that waffles?

You pushed the blankets off your body, slipped on a pair of Nick’s old sweats. The nasty taste in your mouth prompted you to brush your teeth then padded down the hall to the kitchen. “That smells amazing.”

Sonny turned from the stove and gave you a broad smile. “How ya feelin’ this mornin’?”

Raising your arms over your head to stretch then crack your neck. “Good actually. Can I help you with anything?”

“I got it under control. Besides, I’ve seen you in the kitchen and it ain’t pretty. Just sayin’ I love ya but you-”

“You...love me? Cause I’ve loved you for-”

Sonny reached you in three long strides. His hands found your hips and pulled you to him yours grasping his biceps. Sonny leaned down pressing his lips to yours in a sweet, gentle kiss. Closing your eyes you leaned into the kiss deepening it. Sonny broke from the kiss and rested his forehead to yours. “Does that answer your question?”

[bigbrothermonopoly]

EPISODE 1: 

HOH: CHRIS

EVICTED: REHDER 15-0

KORI: 

My first Diary Room, I'm really loving the cast right now. Haven't talked to Dem, Chris, Andrew, Rheder, Silence, Madison or Kristine yet since they have yet to be on. Hoping this was more of a some people were kindof busy or just couldn't stay up for Cast Reveal and NOT a Oh we're all gonna be a bunch of inactive bitches. Emma talked about being UTR with our relationship and actually work together this ORG for the first time after 2 times failing to do so. Dunno if that's gonna work out, but hey third time's the charm maybe. Eve and Jess are icons as per usual I'm excited to finally be playing a game with them. Eve is suggesting a possible Jackbox Alliance, we'll see if that's like an actual thing I feel like that's the easy thing though and I don't know if that's what I actually want. I definitely plan to ride with that for a little while though. Gwen is sweetheart, she seems like a Discord noob, hoping that's not like a face personality to make her seem more endearing. I'm hoping to get good with Tawni and Mackenzie, meanwhile Brien, Austin, and Nicky I'm pretty medium with so far. I'm HOPING I can like develop good relationships with all of them. But like the female side of this cast is stacked, and the men kindof leave a lot to be desired so far. Hopefully when the other half wakes up I'll get a feel for them some more.

KORI: 

So, it's been not even 5 hours, I'm now in 2 alliances, one which is like not even remotely serious because Nicky just put everyone in the VC in an alliance... which is wild. Chris and Kristine came on, Chris is... interesting, for some reason I don't get good vibes from him. Something about his tone or the way he talks. He isn't really saying anything wrong, but at least on VC I don't get good vibes at all. Kristine seems like a sweetie, she's from MI too so I feel like we COULD have tons to talk about. Who knows though. Maybe she's a fake betch, only time will tell. (But hopefully she's a real one.) Still waiting on those others to get online at some point though, I need to feel EVERYONE out and so far there's still too many people that I have like no fucking clue on.

NICKY: 

i honestly don’t know anyone and i’m paranoid to not be on call cuz they probably talking shit about me

JESS: 

Question of the day: Why are there so many straight white males here?!

AUSTIN:

I’m super excited to be in this season of board game big brother! I’m trying to have conversations with every houseguest and make a good first impression but it’s hard to keep 17 conversations going at the same time. Also the first head of household competition has begun! I don’t want to win the first HOH because I don’t want a target on my back this early.

REDHER:

**DIARY ROOM THINGAMAJIG**: I feel that I could definitely make my move. My experience with survivor definitely suits good here. Kori, Eve, and Andrew were quick to contact me and negotiate. I feel like I could definitely use my age as an advantage ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Only one I’m not liking rn is eve she just comes on too hard but nothing really too bad yet.

JESS:

So... hmmm.. this game is.. interesting? so far? I've already been attacked by the hosts and the majority of this cast. Don't @ me but... pineapple does NOT belong on pizza! In all seriousness... this is a WEIRD group of people. Some new faces, old faces, and a bunch of unknowns. My game plan in all honesty as of right now is to let Eve think she can control me. She is one of the few people I know in this game so I kind of have no choice but to work with her while I put in the ground work with others. I want her to think I'm one of her "minions" so she thinks I'm useful and I'll do whatever she wants for now... Big personalities are sinking ships in Big Brother so gotta come up with that plan B for when Eve (probably) falls. BUT i'm kind of just trying to take this a bit slow and trying to talk to everyone right now so no brain power required. PS: I refuse to touch that HOH with a 10 foot poll. Let's do a mini little trust list? 1. Jess 100. Everyone else I don't trust any of these hoes.

KRISTINE:

So happy that Chris got HOH we came into this game together hoping one of us would win HOH and that’s exactly what happened. I’m 100% confident that I’m not going to be nominated!!! We worked together and I gave him as much information as I could. We both did. It worked perfectly. And he made himself the bigger target anyways.

MACKENZIE:

I’m a LIIIIITLE mad i came close to winning and didn’t but it’s okay bc i Kinda didn’t want too idk hxjsjzjz does chris exist though? i swear i haven’t seen him online HHHH

CHRIS:

How did I win the HOH. Not only do I have power but I also have no idea what I am doing. I am a dog trying to mix chemicals or trying to use a computer while being blindfolded and having one arm tied to my leg. I am more than happy and excited to be the first HOH but I know that brings a gigantic target on my back when I have to nominate two people. I want to make a huge move and take out any big bodies there are earlyBut I have learned that that isn’t a good scenario to start with. Hopefully I’ll have a better idea of who I want to vote for tomorrow when I talk to my closest allies which is just me and myself so looks like I’m talking to myself everyone. Well I want to go figure this out now hope y’all have a good time

KORI:

Chris is apparently VERY lucky somehow snagging the first HoH despite seeming to not really talk with anyone. So I'm honestly kindof annoyed would've preferred a Mackenzie or Eve win but not much I can really do but shut my trap and suck up in a way that doesn't seem blatantly fake. He's currently talking to me about wanting to target big and talkative people. "Fuck the VL as it were." So RIP Eve probably. I won $20 in that little task which is fun. I'm HOPING telling the Jackbox Crew wasn't a mistake, I hope the $20 isn't going to be a major reason for anyone to want me to go, especially since it's like, such a minor amount of money I feel like especially when you look towards the long term. I want to trust that group for right now though. Overall this HoH situation kinda sucks since we're probably going to lose a personality, and even more likely it'll turn out to be someone I like. Guuuhhh.

NICKY:

omg it’s joshua bassett birthday!!! periodt!! me remaining unbothered in jail because my mentions are off heheheheh

AUSTIN:

So.... nominations are tonight. I’m feeling pretty good because I’ve been chatting with Chris and we seem to be getting along. We are going to try to get a group of seven people together so we have numbers for the following weeks, but anything can happen, after all this is big brother!

BRIEN:

WILLIAM:

So obviously I'm pissed that I am nominated.... Like wtf did I ever do you, but in a way it is my fault... I have been sick the last few days and have just been laying in bed. Also I love how out of everyone in the game Chris was the one person I did not talk to before the HoH. 

NICKY:

literally these people are so fucking annoying- i’ll just hop online for like 5 seconds and say nothing and all of sudden half of the cast is my dms like hey hi good morning

EMMA:

GWEN:

Fuck Cheatham This is my first official DR. I am at my mom’s house and I left my computer at home, so this will probably be shorter than usual. Yay for phones. Looks like Rehder will be the evictee tonight. Unfortunately, he did not reach out to me until like a day after the veto comp. Can I put emojis here? If I could it would be rolling eyes emoji. The uuuuuuhhliance is...it exists. Will stay loyal until I can’t I guess. The Mandela Monocles is where it is at. I feel bad that Silence got roped in my Rehder and Will for another alliance...he didn’t ask for it. I hope it doesn’t come back and bite him. Me and Kori are Left Phalanges. We will win. K thanks byyyeee

TAWNI:

I’m sick. I have no energy. I probably should have done this earlier but I wasn’t planning on being sick. I honestly don’t even know who is nominated. Neither one has messaged me soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. 

REHDER: 

I’m doing not too good. William and Silence are confirmed and they are branching out, everyone else I’ve talked too is going with the house and I’m currently trying to convince them that the house is with me but idk. Probably exiting after tonight. It was a good run but I guess I’m only good at survivors. Anyways, I hope I get to stay in

NICKY:

i’m concerned about a couple things 1. everyone telling me i’m safe 2. everyone acting like they are in an alliance with everyone and everyone knows the plan so even if i’m safe- it feels like everyone in some big alliance and that doesn’t work well with me

WILLIAM:

I've got 2 things to say!!! IM SO PUMPED THAT I HAVE WON VETO!!! WOOOOOO. I do trust alot of people in the house but I feel much better being able to save myself and be here another week.... Also I dont know what Rehder's strategy is but it ain't working 😂😂 Hes texting me all these people who's votes he has and doesnt and another list of those who I have to text for him! What!!!!! Also I dont know if he knows but half of his list he gave plan on voting him out tonight ☠

BRIEN:

KORI:

Well as it currently stands Rehder SHOULD be going home. Which is a shame in some ways he seemed like a nice kid... messy, but still nice. I've tried pulling back a bit since Kristine mentioned that someone views me as a social threat. Not sure that's totally accurate, but if someone is viewing me that way I need to carefully and meticulously figure out who that person is, and kick their ass to the curb. As it currently stands I think the 2 3 people I'm struggling with the most as far as conversation is Dem, Tawni, and Chris. Eve seems to think Chris is under their mist, which I mean go off, like its gonna be funny when Chris wins HoH 6 weeks from now and is ready for that #Chaos he wanted for this week. My #2 right now is probably Gwen. While I do love Eve and value their partnership, I can't help but feel like I'm replaceable for the whole Jackbox Crew. I'm still not looking to make a move any of the next couple of weeks, we'll have to see how the game progresses to know where exactly I'll go. It's also still just the first week, so my opinion on everything may very well change, the game is just starting and I'm raring to pop anyone who crosses me.

EVE:

ANDREW:

watching the cast videos now im going to give you my thoughts 1. i wanted to barf watching nickys 2. gwen is a bad bitch i hope she wins 3. omg i feel so dumb cuz i was talking to austin like we was 13 cuz i thought he was honestly .... and hes not.. hopefully i can recover. but idc. hes a little boring but sweet. 4. i hope mackenzie is nice to me. 5. fuck yeah jess lets chug a beer together 6. WILLIAM....Bowling With Buddies....Im going to nominate him if I win. 7. Kristine is the second prettiest here, next to me. Hope she wins too :heart: Shes adorbs :heart: 8. silence is cool i want to work with him 9. SHUT THE FUCK UP BRIEN actually nvm i kinda like him i wanna work with him I've talked to Chris a decent amount prior to him winning hoh so im feeling kind of good that i wont be nominated but i dont want to get comfortable because bitches are wild around here. My HoH performance.....FUcking embarrasing. Especially since people were asking me if i wanted to win and i was like yeah why not Austin proposed an alliance with me yesterday and i was just kinda like yeah i mean i’m open to anything that has safety involved and then today he told me he also talked to chris prior to hoh about creating an alliance with me and him called the gents, which is a fuckin hideous name i had no idea that he was going to ask ppl to join in on shit i thought it was kinda just gonna be a low-key u got my back i got urs but i mean chris is in a position of power so it’s definitely not the worst thing for my game, i just hope austin isn’t making himself look like a fool in the process of trying to make these connections because he is also saying my name to chris and i just don’t want to be openly associated with anybody yet if chris isn’t on the same page yknow But right now i’m just going to ride the waves i don’t really want to challenge anyone or anything just yet

[rueur]

Morning Pages No. 64

Thursday 28th August - 10:09am

Yeah, I know I missed the #64 on the 27th that I was so excited for on Wednesday, but I was lenient with myself because of work and Dinel’s extra essay lesson last night. Yesterday was just a busy day and Sarah even said that Day 10 should be a rest day. Even so, Day 10 wasn’t even yesterday, but I feel like I was right to give myself a break anyway. That, and I had the hiccups three freaking times yesterday: once on a walk, once during my class with Dinel of all times, and then once after dinner. We had pizza for dinner last night, courtesy of my card. I just felt like ordering a pizza so we got Greenbrook and some of their chips too. Mate. The chips were nice. The bulk of it is still in the fridge so I’m looking forward to eating that later. I have to work on the website. That’s definitely my ‘I have to’ sentence for the week. I don’t know why I keep putting it off? The work I’ve done on it so far was let’s say about 2 hours worth, so that’s $100. And I’m seeing Julie next Wednesday, which will be the 2nd of September, so I’ll be able to get my invoice to her when I go see her too. I should get that invoice done before the meeting, I reckon. I might put some time aside to finalise the invoice on Tuesday. I don’t know why I’m expecting a lot from myself when it comes to the invoice too. I mean, why is it important whether or not I know how to make the invoice look pretty? It’s just an invoice, it’s totally back-end and functional, and it doesn’t need to reflect on my professionalism whatsoever. Julie’s probably never even seen a freelance communications consultant’s invoice before, so I can just do whatever I want. I’m going to use the agency’s template invoice of course, but how do you measure hours? Maybe I should look at my work invoice too, or even at Evan’s work invoice. Maybe one from when he was still working. 

I feel a bit badly for Lonzo right now, because we both just woke up and now we’re both doing our own thing. I’m a bit annoyed at Evan too because he’s just obsessed with all the fitness/training/Kelley Starrett stuff that he’s been doing, but it’s like HYPER mode over the past few days. And I’ve barely been able to hang out with him, and I hate it. Even now, I want to just chill and play Breath of the Wild for a bit and he’s in the other room glued to his laptop. And he’s stoned all the time. It’s irritating. 

So I just had a good cry in front of him and now he’s staring into space out the living room window. It’s interesting, a few days ago I remember saying we hadn’t had one of these fights where there are huge bouts of silence for a while, and here we are. I guess I jinxed it. I’m waiting for him to say something, but also I need to go about my day so I’m still typing as I wait. It’s probably a good idea to record this exact moment as it’s happening, right? Honestly probably not. I want to follow the ethos that life comes before art. If ever there is an opportunity to live over writing, that opportunity to live takes precedence. Fighting is living. This is a visceral portion of all relationships, and I should be present for it. But in my defence, so should he. And he’s not. He’s just staring out the window. I can stare at his face for a second or two at a time and I see the process of thoughts coming in and out of his mind, but that’s it. He’s made no effort to comfort me, which means that his stance is different to mine. He most likely thinks I’m being unreasonable. I hate that way he says ‘sorry’ like it’s an arbitrary sorry because he thinks that I want to hear that, but his tone is absolutely anything but. I don’t want to hear that ‘sorry’ right now. I hope I’m not waiting exclusively for that ‘sorry’, and zero closure.

Okay, so we did have closure. Evan spoke and the first thing he said was that I wasn’t in the wrong last night when I asked him to spend time with me and drop what he was doing. He acknowledged that I had a right to ask for some quality time knowing my schedule, and that he didn’t realise that last night was just one of those nights where I ‘needed it’. It’s normal, I have to keep reminding myself that it’s a normal thing for people to just need some quality time with their partner every now and then, because sometimes Evan can get SOOOO into whatever it is that he’s doing, and totally forget that I’m a secondary person to him, that I’m not just a part of him? I think it’s a [REDACTED] boys thing. Like his dad is just like this too, and from what Sarah’s told me, Mundell was just the same: always carving out their own space to ‘work’, to ‘develop’, and constantly prioritising that space over so many other facets of their life. I lucked out with Evan though. I’d say that of his father and brother and himself, Evan would have to be the most emotionally mature and open to change. I think it has something to do with the fact that he has witnessed the negative impacts of both his father and brother’s self-interested behaviour. 

I was just about to talk about Barney and Mundell’s habits, but then I checked my phone and noticed a missed call from my dad, so I called him back. We chatted about the house for a while and now he’s got me on hold because he’s received another call. So I’m taking this opportunity to type, and I’ve decided that I’m going to keep this entry to two pages. I feel like two pages is just so much more sustainable as a practice? And I have too much work to do today and my conversation with Evan has already shown that I’m a bit stressed. I mean two pages will take twenty minutes, and I think twenty minutes of mindfulness is still better than falling short of thirty minutes and then feeling bad about myself for not achieving my goal. And thirty minutes set aside each day for this practice is a bit of a tall ask for an adult with multiple other jobs and commitments. I’m too busy for this, and I don’t mind it. If I’m in need of more mindful time, I can meditate or do some yoga or something.

I found a video on Facebook that was essentially a handstand training guide through yoga poses. Basically, you work on one pose for a week each and the third pose is a soft handstand. I’m going to give it a go. I feel like I could handle a handstand pose if I just apply myself. I’m also keen to go for a bike ride, but I have a feeling it may be way too cold. And my main gripe with scheduling bike rides is knowing that I can’t take Lonzo too. Especially now. He’s just too boisterous, and I’d feel like I was always looking out for him. 

Thathi just answered the phone again, and he said we should schedule a trip to the mortgage broker’s. He sounded tired. I’m worried I spoke too much about myself, but I’m not sure what to speak to him about. I don’t know. I feel like a bad daughter. We didn’t even talk at all about my license. Ah. I don’t know what to do about feeling guilty about parents. The older you get, the more independent you become, and the less time you have to chat to your parents. I feel like we should do a family dinner thing, like Evan’s family. I’ve just sent a message to the brother and sister about maybe organising weekly family dinners after lockdown. I just feel so deprived of my family, I don’t like it. I haven’t seen my mum in so so so long. I know I have issues with ammi, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love her and want to talk to her. But I’m worried that so much time has eclipsed now that it’ll be impossible for us to chat without her getting emotional? I don’t know. I can’t really deal with other people’s emotions, I get uncomfortable. I think that’s my Asian upbringing having a bit of an influence on my adult self. I got that Asian level of oppression, yo. That cultural ish. 

Man, I’m already well into the third page, I think I’m just going to finish it off. Well, not well into it. I’d say about a quarter of the way there. I’m currently at 1520 words. Ah, I want to stop listing my word count midway through the doc all the time, but I am writing this out on Google Docs! It’s interesting, I just realised that whilst I do have Microsoft Word and I paid a pretty fucking penny for it, I still use Google Docs so much more? I suppose it’s just so much more convenient. Word is only really useful if the internet gives out, but now I’ve invested so much money in our internet, it’s not likely that our internet will ever give out for a long period of time anymore anyway. That being said, I’ve been finding the loading speeds to be abysmal on my phone. I feel like I should turn the modem and the nbn box off at the wall for a minute and let the whole system restart, that usually works.

Okay, I know I said that I was going to finish these pages off...I am, no I am. I can do this. I’m so close anyway, what’s another paragraph or two. I just know that I’m going to be doing a lot of work today and I feel like I’m not going to start on the website right after finishing this entry off because I’m going to follow a natural urge to give myself a break. But I’m not hungry, and I want to tell Evan about the contaminated water thing so that he doesn’t accidentally drink a full glass of water straight from the sink. He’s been drinking a lot of water lately. Good on him, right? Ugh, he’s going to get so much healthier than me if I don’t catch up soon. 

Both Nicky and Lonzo are asleep on the green couch next to me. Evan said he’d be keen to move the green couch into the TV room and I think I am too. It’d be nice to have the futon in a space where it actually fucking fits, and I think the green couch would look so nice with the Persian rug in that room now. It’d also be nice to have the futon set up in bed mode right under the big window we have in the living room, so that I can just lay there and read by the wide source of daylight. Ooh, this feels like such a great idea now. My only concern is that that futon is going to be really chilly for people who stay over now. At least in the other room it was in a confined space, but out here it’s going to be so drafty. It’s fine, I don’t see us having people over anytime soon anyway. I keep thinking about that time Steve and Mundell came over and Malith was here. They had a lot of fun with him, but I mean he’s a very accessible character. Fuck, I need to finish ‘Fleabag’. I’ll do that at work tomorrow? After Dominicana. It should be an easy read. But Ben is managing tomorrow and he’ll want to talk to me. He’s been wanting to talk to me more since his divorce, and I’ve been amenable to that. I just know he’s enjoying the social aspects of our working relationship. We’re both conversationalists, and he’s a joker like Sam. Just not as immersed in puns as Shepherd is.

[ericleo108]

The Collective (Un)conscious in Music & Media

This is the old version. I have rewritten this post in two parts that are better, more accurate, and more appropriate to read:

〰️ The Unconscious Mind in Media

🎤 Music Artists’ Composition and Communication

Intro

This essay is an outline or framework in understanding Music and Media in terms of “The Collective (Un)conscious.” As you will come to see there are definitely conscious forms of lyrical, musical, and cinematic mirroring. What we will explore are the various forms of that mirroring and try to make sense of what most people consider is schizophrenic nonsense.

When we think about music we think of our favorite composers.  No matter what genre though your favorite artist got their start learning from someone that came before them. Doing things like learning another artist's songs and what their favorite cords, words, phrases, or metaphors are, will mold the proceeding artist in their image. As with anything familiar, their artistry will be ‘imprinted’ in their mind.

Influence

I will be focusing on hip-hop but as long as I know the proceeding artist I can usually tell when artists have been influenced by another. For example, My mom (and friends) used to listen to Alanis Morissette and it took me a while to notice it (back in the day) but you can tell Avril Lavigne was heavily influenced by Alanis. Just listen to “Head Over Feet” and then “Complicated.”

“If I have seen further it is only by standing on the shoulders of giants.” - Sir Isaac Newton

Asher Roth talks about how he thinks he’s been successful because he sounds like Eminem in “As I Em.”

Some bands use other bands work explicitly and deliberately. For example, Crazy Town’s “Butterfly” is just a riff from The Red Hot Chilli Peppers “Pretty Little Ditty.” I heard “Butterfly” when I was in grade school but never knew it was from TRHCP until College. I knew the first time I heard it though.

I’ve shown this to a couple people that have heard both songs and they couldn’t tell. If the lay-person doesn’t recognize this, as we go deeper “down the rabbit hole” into the mind, it (should become self evident that the similarities) between various associations becomes harder and harder to see!

Musical Samples

What most people don’t see are “samples” which are small snippets of work from another artistry. Some examples of obvious samples are Kid Cudi sampling Lady Gaga’s Pokerface in “Make Her Say” or Mac Miller sampling Nas in “Nike’s on my feet.” But in music you can take a certain sound and create a whole new musical pieces, creating an original work from a classic.

This happens so often certain sounds (and phrases) are considered intellectual property. The most obvious quintessential example is Vanilla Ice’s “Ice Ice Baby” and Queen’s “Under Pressure.” Less noticeably, Mac Miller was sued for "Kool Aid & Frozen Pizza" because he didn’t clear samples from Lord Finesse's 1995 single "Hip 2 Da Game."

This also (famously) happened to Robin Thicke who (more noticeably) ripped off Marvin Gaye's 1977 hit "Got to Give It Up" when he wrote the smash hit "Blurred Lines" with Pharrell Williams and T.I.

These things are obvious, identified, and published because it’s protected and institutions get involved in protecting their property. But to people or the regular person, they can’t tell and have no idea!

Understanding Metaphors in Hip-Hop

There are other ways artists share. In hip-hop artists use metaphor and samples to communicate in music. The following are common metaphors, themes, tropes, or cliches in hip-hop that are (pretty) universally used (to show talent and ability).

The “Lab” = Producing Hip-Hop, example:

“What, cause I been in the lab, wit a pen and a pad, try’na get this damn label off” - Forgot about Dre by Dr. Dre

“Back to the lab again yo, this whole rhapsody” - Lose Yourself by Eminem

“I be in the Lab” by G-Eazy

“Whipping” it in “the Kitchen,” example:

“Catch me in the kitchen, like a Simmons whippin' pastry” - Empire State of Mind by Jay-Z

“I throw down in the kitchen might hit your mom with my omelette” - Despicable by Eminem

"Woke up in the kitchen and I started mad whippin'" - Whippin' by Gucci Mane

Voltron/Weapons Capabilities of Transformers (archaic), example:

“Come on, you know the 'Tics connect like Voltron Collect so much grass, popo thinking we mow lawns.” - Shake Ya Tail Feather by Nelly

“But I form like Voltron and blast you with my shoulder missiles” - Just Don’t Give a F#$k by Eminem

"We form like Voltron, and GZA happen to be the head" - Can It Be All So Simple by Wu-Tang

“I'm a beast when you turn me on Into the future cybertron” - Boom Boom Pow by The Black Eyed Peas

“Sleep on Me” is so cliche I don’t need any examples.

To identify metaphors you need to be able to recognize certain words and phrases and how they associate to one another. Another factor is the music. Like what is the tone/mood, is it reflecting another work, etc.? If you’d like to know how rappers use and write metaphors watch THIS video from a pro himself!

Lyrical Samples

There are musical samples but there are also lyrical samples. When it comes to “sampling” (and “schizophrenia”) you have to be able to recognize patterns! Lyrical sampling is when you take another artist’s cadence (i.e. flow) and make your own (new and original) lyric progression. This typically starts with the first line from the original, sampled lyric followed by original lyrics in the same cadence (flow) as the sampled work. Some examples of sampling are as follows.

Drake samples Dead Prez’s “It’s bigger than Hip Hop” in “Over” starting with the lyric, “One thing bout music when it hit you feel no pain.” And G-Eazy samples Kanye West’s “Stronger” in “Let’s Get Lost” starting with the lyric “Let’s get lost tonight.” Rita Ora is sampling Biggie Smalls in “How We Do.” ...and 50 Cent’s is sampling 2pac’s “Picture me Roll’n” in “Places to Go.”

Biting is when you sample but “flip” the words/sentiment to make them negative or pejorative (i.e. a diss).  Sampling is usually a sign of respect and admiration. Biting is more of a competitive condescending back-talk.

This is (obviously) the conscious part of music, but what about the unconscious?  

The Unconscious in Music

I talked to/lived with a rapper named “The Real Seville” in Los Angeles for a while, while I was considering going to the Musicians Institute to study music business. We both remarked on how hip-hop would “echo,” or repeat certain words or phrases, all of a sudden, like a trend. We both recognized that it WAS NOT sampling. Sampling is when you take someone's specific lyrical cadence and match it intentionally. We were talking about the use of words and phrases that were being repeated at an unusually high frequency in a short period of time (i.e. trending). The genesis/origin is unknown and seems spontaneous because there are so many rappers coming out with the same words/phrase. We determined it had to be unintentional and there must be some sort of “collective consciousness.”

The best example of this I can site is when Jay-Z released “The BluePrint 3.” He rhymed “iPod” with “my god” and I didn’t stop hearing (especially) “my god” from other rappers until Eminem’s lyric on Roman’s Revenge. Here’s the example (and progression):

Blueprint's in my white iPod. Black diamonds in my Jesus piece, my God” - Off That by Jay-Z released September 8th 2009

“In the back, I sit and I nod. To the beats that are bumping from my iPod. My God, they're starting to pray.” - Rant by Bo Burnham released October 2010

“Quit hollerin' ‘Why, God?’” - Roman’s Revenge by Nicki Minaj (Eminem’s lyrics) released October 30th 2010

When I created “The Machine” idea/theory (which I will talk about later) I thought this phenomenon was being deliberately created by a (lets say) a “manipulator.” But it could just be a similarity that other rappers pick up on and then (therefore) reflect. Basically, The conscious or unconscious mind (of the rapper) picks up on “it” (consciously or unconsciously) and responds (consciously or unconsciously). Either way, there is a response. Whether the creation of this reflection-effect phenomenon is deliberately created by a corporeal entity or natural (needs more research/study and) is debatable. However, the fact is, it’s there! And I call this reflection-effect phenomenon “residual echo.”

The “my God” trend makes sense because the biggest artists in the industry started and stopped the trend.  

Pandora’s Box

Questions abound like:

Did Bo write his lyrics before Jay-Z published his?

Did Bo sample Jay-Z intentionally? ...or maybe unintentionally?

Did Eminem (un)consciously catch on to the “my God” trend and that was his ([un]conscious) response?

It’s probably unconscious (whether manipulated or natural) because there are other examples in other (similar) entertainment professions that deny plagiarism after similarities with colleague's work. An example of unintentional/unconscious “sampling,” is Dane Cook and Louis C.K. as explained in Louis C.K.’s show Louie (and exemplified in this clip).

I already know how I would gather resources and analyze the data to identify trends and themes in music. It would be data driven for the most part but with certain quintessential examples interviews can be conducted to get “in the mind” of the artist that created the work in question.

I would ask artists’ questions like:

Have you ever written down a lyrical progression that was similar to one that someone else released at a similar time? Have you ever written lyrics that you didn’t use that someone else later used or sounded like they sampled you? Have you ever written any lyrics and then noticed it was similar to one of your (favorite) pieces by another artist? ...have you ever had anything similar happen?  etc.

Basically the point is to get into the mindset of the artist and ask specific questions from a questionnaire created specifically to identify attributes of the “collective (un)conscious.”

The provable crux, that there was a collective unconsciousness, would probably rest upon data analysis. If we looked at the data we could probably see when certain events, movies, or social movements happened. You could probably also decipher when certain products came out, or marketing campaigns happened, due to the corresponding commercial(s) and how the product’s concept, if the not the product itself, affected the “collective consciousness.”

Taylor Swift Visual Sampling Example

Then you have the music videos that add a visual element. You can group characteristics and similarities in music videos to cross reference other artist’s music videos. Think of it as visual sampling. (If I explained this to any of my friends they would think I see these things because of my schizophrenia but the truth of the matter is much more complex.)  The most recent and relevant example of visual “sampling” in a (music) video is to look at what people are saying about Taylor Swift’s “Look What You Made Me Do.”

I picked this article TIME wrote about Taylor visually sampling other artists to show it doesn’t get any more normal and mainstream to connect and associate visual similarities and references (that I have been told I’m schizophrenic for seeing). For example, TIME talks about what the dollar bill means in the bathtub of diamonds.

In other articles there are a lot of people saying that Taylor copied Beyonce because she has a bat in the “bank scene” like Beyonce does in “Hold Up.” I personally see that as a stretch because the bat is an independent association with no other references (to “Hold Up”); but other (non-schizophrenics) are convinced! What would strengthen that argument is that people think the V formation in Taylor’s dance scene is actually copying Beyonce’s Superbowl dance formation. But still, I don’t see it. I think it’s more likely Taylor is copying the “V” formation for “The Mighty Ducks.”

There are other articles about how Taylor’s “cage scene” is referencing Lindsay Lohan’s “Rumors.” I actually thought of Miley Cyrus’s “Can’t be Tamed” when I first saw the “cage scene” but I agree with the consensus that Taylor is (most likely) referencing “Rumors.”

Proof of Subliminal Communication

Regardless of all this, Eminem’s “Warming Shot” is proof artists communicate and respond to subliminal messages in music (videos). Basically Em got mad Mariah put him on blast in the music video “Obsessed” after they broke up. People see this subliminal communication and they go, “duh.” But would you have noticed it if Em didn’t? What if you didn’t know Em? The only reason people see the subliminal communication here is because they are both big name artists, the events surrounding them in connection with each other, and an overt response by Em saying “Oh gee, is that supposed to be me in the video with the goatee?.”

No one thinks it's possible when you’re not an established artist,  that's schizophrenia!

Visual Sampling

I actually have a good eye for this, but you can be the judge of that.

The best representation of a similar music video is Nick Jonas’s “Chains” and Jay-Z and Kanye West’s “No Church in the Wild.” The music and it’s themes are similar. They are both shot in widescreen, same style, hue/shade, and have the same props and characters. The music videos are so similar (in fact) I expect that both (music videos) were made by the same creator studio.

Two other videos that are probably different creators/studios but are the same style, hue, and have the same theme are Taylor swift’s “Trouble” and Eminem’s “Love the Way You Lie.”

Demi Lavotto’s music video “Sorry Not Sorry” is in the same style and format as “Beauty and the Beat” by Justin Beiber. (seems intentional)  

If you take away the fact that one is in black and white, there’s a lot of similarities between G - Eazy’s “Calm Down” and Drake’s “The Motto.” (seems unintentional)  

Pandora’s Box Visualized

The question is, what does all this reflecting mean? Is it just mindless, random mirroring and similarities? Or is there a deeper metaphor and narrative that the “collective unconsciousness” is creating/painting.

(Remember it’s like playing balderdash where you have to associate words. You can tell what’s on a person’s mind and what they’re thinking by the words they use. You can also give people ideas in the same way.)

For example, it seems like Selena Gomez’s character in the song “Hands to Myself,” could be in the house of the boy she’s obsessed with, the one with the curly blonde hair. Meanwhile, Rihanna's song “Stay” is about the same curly haired blonde boy just over at Rihanna's place singing with her... while Selena’s breaking into his place.  This seems unintentional.

What does seem intentional is Camila Cabello’s “Havana.” The music sounds very similar to Selena Gomez’s “Same Ol’ Love” and at the end of the “Havana” music video Camila says (verbatim) “...if you don’t like this story, go write your own sweetheart.” ...which seems like a ([un]conscious) response to Selena’s song.

What’s in the Box?

What does it say (about the “collective consciousness”) if “Chains” and “No Church in the Wild” were NOT trying to reflect each other (being so similar in [audio and visual] style, themes, and content)? What are the artists trying to say if they DID do it intentionally?

Demi Lovato’s music video “Sorry Not Sorry” is clearly in the same style and format as Justin Bieber's “Beauty and the Beat” music video. What does it say if “Sorry Not Sorry” and “Beauty and the Beat” was intentionally reflected but “Trouble” and “Love the Way You Lie” are not?

Are they connected? If so is the connection conscious or unconscious? Are there underlying themes, metaphors, and narratives? Are the unconscious connections of the “collective consciousness” manifested, manipulated by a corporeal entity, all natural, or some combination of them?

The Machine in Theory

"It is a system which has conscripted vast human and material resources into the building of a tightly-knit, highly efficient machine…” - JFK

Back when I was going through the pinnacle of my “schizophrenia” I couldn’t understand what was happening to me and why the response rate was so fast on (what I perceived to be) technological manipulations (such as, what I now describe as ‘points of realization’ [which will be described shortly]).

To make sense of what was happening to me I created a theory where I postulated there is a “machine’ or super-computer that is doing systematic semantic priming (among other various disturbing forms of behavior manipulation) in order to manipulate (popular) artists into creating works that are sympathetic to (lets say) the established power structure in form, style, and metaphor.

In college I took a class called Behavioral Psychology. In it we had to create a behavioral modification program to end the bad habit of someone we knew. The strategy included associating certain colored sticky notes with mental reminders that you’d place in strategic places in order to remind you to do things. For example, stick a blue sticky note on your lamp by your bedside to remind you to brush your teeth before you shut off the light and go to bed.

My theory is that (basically) ‘The Machine’ does behavior modification through a similar mechanism. Instead of sticky notes though it uses metaphors, phrases, words, and visual cues (like symbols, insignias, and mirrors) to paint a subtle but consistent picture that your mind would recognize but you wouldn’t consciously perceive.

‘The Machine’ basically “gives you ideas” and ‘programs’ you ahead of time and uses psychological triggers to “fish out” behaviors that are designed to benefit itself. How ‘The Machine’ “gives you ideas” is called semantic priming and there is a section dedicated to understanding it below.

This means that ‘The Machine’ would effectively create a “tapestry” across the entertainment industry where all you’d have to do is “anchor” the psychological association and then use a symbol, word, color, etc. to recall that thought or idea (and continue to build off and on to it).

Unquantifiable Known Unknowns It’s worth mentioning there's a whole nother level in writing lyrics where you say something that sounds similar, imply it, omit it, say it without saying it, or give a double meaning.  

An example of just omitting words is in Eminem’s “Toy Soldier” when he says “I went my whole career without ever mentioning ___.” It’s clear he’s talking about “Suge (Knight)” by the rhyme scheme (in relation to his history and what he’s talking about), but he doesn’t say it.

As an example of saying it without saying it (more subtle, but [what should be] just as obvious) is Taylor Swift’s “Picture to Burn.” She says “So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy. That's fine, You won’t mind if I say... By the way, I hate that stupid old…” It’s obvious she’s going to “say” he’s “gay” because what else would she tell everybody that’s gonna hurt him and rhymes with say and way?  ...but how do you quantify that?

An example of saying something that sounds similar is when Taylor Swift says “make fun of our axes” in 22. She clearly means “accents.” One of the most famous examples (that’s probably unintentional) is from Taylor Swift’s “Blank Space” when she says “I have a long list of ex lovers” because everyone thinks she is really saying “starbucks lovers.”  

Back when I first started doing hip-hop and getting my schizophrenia my name was “Apollo” and I thought Avril Lavigne’s song “Never Growing Up” was about me. It sounds like she’s saying “got Apollo but whatever,” when she’s really saying “I got a bottle of whatever.” To this day I still wonder if this was coincidence or the effect of the collective unconscious and/or ‘The Machine.’

Some examples of songs that imply what you are saying is Miley Cyrus’s “Wrecking Ball.” I swear everyone I tell this to says they see it and can’t get it out of their mind afterwards! In her music video “Wrecking Ball” Miley is naked and crying as it sounds like she’s saying “you Ra-a-aped me.” It’s almost as if the producers of the music video deliberately wanted the listener/viewer to make that connection in their head between her vulnerability, tears, and what it sounds like she’s saying without saying it, and used those similarities to such a tragic event to (boulderdash and) sell records...    An example of a double meaning Is Uncle Kracker's “Follow Me.” Is it about love or cocaine?

These tactics throw a wrench in my analytical desires because there’s no way to track or quantify words you don’t say, only imply, or misrepresent.

Pattern Recognition

Regardless, whether the similarities just discussed are conscious or unconscious the fact is it’s still happening and the mirroring IS THERE. To be able to see it, it’s all about pattern recognition of all the various forms (audio and visual) that we talked about. It (should be) obvious that with my “schizophrenia” I recognize these patterns very easily.

What needs more research and debate is what all of these mirrorings and similarities in metaphor, phrase, and visualization means for the artist, the listener, and the industry. Again, the (burning) question (on everyone’s mind should be) is there a deeper metaphor, reflection, and/or narrative in the collective (un)conscious?

If there is, can it, or does it drive us to action?

The (unnoticed) “Physicality” of Music

One thing I have noticed “with my schizophrenia” is what I like to call ‘points of realization.’ This is when you find yourself doing something physical in real life that is in ‘associated’ coordination with the music (or media). For example, I would notice that if the song said “I opened the door, went into the kitchen,” I would be opening the door to the kitchen right as the artist was singing that in the song.

For an actual example, I have caught myself on multiple occasions, while driving, noticing I was turning on the bright lights right as Taylor Swift sings “headlights” from the lyric “Midnight, you come pick me up no headlights” from her song “Style.”   

I started writing this, knew I needed an example, and one happened, so I logged it. (They happen all the time!)  At around 1:30 AM on October 17th I was in bed listening to Taylor Swift’s “Everything has changed” and I was feeling hungry. I made the decision that I was gonna eat an Atikins bar so I jumped up, grabbed a bar from the shelf next to my bed and right as I opened the package Ed sung “and opened up the door for you.” (Right after, Taylor sings “and all I feel in my stomach is butterflies.”) I know I wasn’t opening a door, but I was still doing the act of opening something right as the song said “open up.”

This brings up the question, did I grab the Atkins bar because I made up my mind about eating it and (subconsciously) reacted to coordinate the time of me opening up the bar with the music? ...or did the music, with it’s (also other associated) lyrical content (e.g. “stomach is butterflies”) make me hungry and drive me to grab that Atkins bar? If it did stimulate me to action, what does that say that I was in coordination with the music?  Was it a combination of both influences? (I would say it’s random, chance, or happenstance but it really happens way too often to be a fluke!)

(If this is possible what does that mean about what large corporations do for marketing products and what their capabilities are if used in combination. You could use movies and music as an “anchor” and/or “primer” and drive to action in news and commercials! For more information on these capabilities watch “The Persuaders” and “Unconscious behavioral guidance systems” videos from the Semantic Priming section below)

Vibration is Life

“If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.” - Nikola Tesla

What if…

... ‘points of realization’ are real and it’s because your physicality is in coordination with the music (or media). This means your brain subconsciously syncs your body with the music (or media) and calculates and coordinates the time and action to have ‘points of realization!’

The Problem with the Mirror

The question is, are these ‘points of realization’ primed (by ‘The Machine”), a “reflection” (of the music you heard before), or natural (i.e. part of the collective unconscious)? My mind reflecting the music makes sense because it is my brain recognizing the music, it’s pattern, and timing and coordinating it with my actions and physicality. I’ve heard it before. I’m merely reacting at a subconscious level. That makes a lot of sense to me.

What I don’t understand is when ‘points of realization’ happen and I’ve never previously heard the music, show, or broadcast before. ...because what does that mean? Again if ‘points of realization’ do exist and I’m “in tune” with (the frequency of) the media I’m consuming there has to be a natural collective unconscious (that you can tap into) or an external manipulating entity (like “The Machine”) coordinating the reflection if I’ve never consumed the media before. It could be a combination.

The Real Question

The real question is: Does this happen to other people? Do other people get ‘points of realization?’ If they don’t, is it because it’s not happening… or they just don’t notice. Would they notice if you pointed it out to them? Is the whole association just in my head? What really drives me crazy is to think it is real, but it’s only happening to me! ...cause what does that mean?

What I think is actually going on is ‘points of realization’ are real, it’s just that no one notices (for what should be an obvious myriad of reasons). What does that mean? Do some see it and others don’t? Does that have to do with experience, knowledge, or genetics? Can it be taught? (As you can see I have a lot of questions and I’m quite perplexed)

I bet people who have careers in entertainment, (big) musicians, and (especially) movie directors that do this same sort of subliminal communication and mirroring techniques (therefor) have a higher propensity to recognize the ‘points of realization.’ But for the most part, I think it goes wholly unrecognized.

Making Cents

While staying at the mental institution in East Lansing I had a conversation with one of the activity counselors about vibrations or frequency in music. We were discussing how humans have a certain vibration or frequency that they are in tune with...

Think of these vibrations as feelings, these feelings get associated to thoughts (which combine with the other influences as discussed). Can those thoughts drive you to action? There’s countless stories of artists being inspired to write songs from action/events (like Eric Clapton’s “Tears in Heaven”). But, can you think of examples of stories by people that were driven to action because of a song? I’m honestly struggling to find examples. Is that because it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t get noticed (because it’s more of a combination of things), or because people just don’t talk about it?

I actually think Michael Jackson did so well because he was in tune with people’s natural rhythm and vibration. (Along with using popular chords, notes from pop music and just being an lovable & awesome nice-guy.) But that is just a hunch and what my intuition is telling me, I don’t know (much or) anything (really) about frequency, latency, music theory, or how to even play any instrument for that matter. So know it’s speculation.

My “Schizophrenic” Digression

How this relates to my schizophrenia and ‘The Machine’ is that I used to think I was getting primed to do negative actions at ‘the point of realization.’ This would severely agitate me after a while because it was clear they were meant to be self-defeating, pejorative, disrespectful, condescending, and hurtful.  (I will talk about some of the perceived negative ‘points of realization’ in a future post I’m working on.) Then it felt like my every move was being watched and manipulated which became debilitating. In combination with this, poor attitude, poor thinking, and “other factors,” made me severely angry! I have since changed my attitude for myself and my family;  it’s honestly better, and I never wanna go back!              

Think

If you found this interesting, trust me when I say this is only the beginning. If you think this is complicated, this is just in music (videos). The collective (unconscious) becomes (almost) exponentially harder to grasp when you think about how shows, movies, news, and corporations in their commercials intentionally do subliminal advertising all the time, every single day. If the collective unconscious is real, how is it being influence by (sheer) market forces literally competing for space in your mind! What a responsibility (I hope) marketers must feel to act ethically and make sure the collective has the right mindset.

Semantic Priming

In ‘The Machine’ section (above), I talk about how it functions in theory. THIS information is how the machine would function in practice. As I said in “The Problem with the Mirror” section (above), if you want to understand the capabilities of what I call “The Machine,” you have to know the following information. Once you do, imagine you made a machine (e.g. a supercomputer) to manipulate human behavior that automates what Derren Brown does to those taxadermy marketers (as shown in Mind Control) or what Edward Bernays did to America (as explained in The Century of Self)! ‘The Machine’ is therefor a computer that does automated semantic priming.

Derren Brown’s Mind Control 

The Century of Self

Propoganda and the Public Mind, Noam Chomsky

PBS’s The Persuaders

Subliminal advertising with Jeff Warwick

Manufacturing Consent

Unconscious behavioral guidance systems

The Real Problem

“You can’t be told what the matrix is, you have to be shown” ...and some people just can’t see it.  When Columbus came to the new world shaman/priests had to show the regular citizens that there were actually boats on the water. The regular people couldn’t figure out why the waves were breaking. The priest had to explain to them that there’s a ship there. (This is shown/explained in THIS clip from “What the Bleep do we Know.”)

If you’ve ever read the book Blink, you know you can build intuition off knowledge and experience. I have a degree and (hopefully) you can see I know what I’m talking about. My intuition is that there’s a “Machine,’ AND a (sort of) collective (un)conscious.

Conclusion

For me to be able to tell you if there is a collective (un)conscoius or a machine that is influencing human thought, song, or speech, let alone physical actions (or sequencing behavior,), for sure, I would need resources I don’t have, evaluate data (scientifically) I can’t get, and conduct interviews that I have no access too. But with those requirements met I think I could draw concrete, provable conclusions.