#no I do not mean this in a romantic way I am mentally exhausted and physically disturbed NOT because im disgusted

[honeyloopsenthusiast]

thinking abt how not a lot of ppl talk abt (or maybe they do and it’s me!! im the issue here i haven’t met them so if ur seeing this hmu!!) how tiring and downright cruel being in love can be for a person. maybe cruel is a strong word but it can be so very disturbing having to think abt a person all the time and I am by no means trying to say that being in love with someone is a- full time commitment and a job and it requires you to put in the hours and shi- but js the feeling part of it.

I canNOT be the only one thinking it’s not all that perfect and that when we go high we go high but when we go low we go so fucking low that im abt two millimetres from touching the ground after falling from a 80feet roller coaster drop.

And by lows i don’t mean the ups and downs however subjective this may be from person to person- i mean LOW like there’s nothing the other persons doing to make you feel this way but it’s js the act of being left in ur own company and being so sickeningly preoccupied w thoughts of them that it’s physically making you sick.

Not disgustingly sick just- sick. Like this is affecting me both mentally and physically. I’m not irked out by them im not disgusted but im just on edge??

I feel nauseous and distracted and disturbed bcs I cant stop thinking abt them and it’s leaving me restless and incapacitated to carry on w my day?? and suddenly I don’t feel like eating anymore im subconsciously skipping meals and consistently depending on what they have to say which is robbing me off my will to js be by myself??

Again they’ve done NOTHING wrong to cause this. I have never not felt deeply abt a situation. love doesn’t sound overwhelming to me love sounds dangerous. it’s taking “butterflies in my stomach” to another level and idk how I feel abt that

Being sexually fluid and shifting from being cupioromantic to being in a relationship with someone can be so frightening bcs now im supposed to do everything I’ve never done before

I have genuinely (in the least self pity way possible) been so devoid of romantic intimacy that I’ve never found myself in the position to experience it. And it’s not the inexperience that’s driving me mad it’s the fact that I’ve subconsciously rejected affection and the idea of being the object of attraction so much that it’s physically uncomfortable to be unknowingly doing things that I’d never do before.

I love them and I still want to be with them. They’re not the problem here but the aftermath of being in love is just not spoken about enough and MAYBE IM GOJNG NOWHERE W THIS

[i-cant-sing]

Okay but I need yall to help me figure out the character(s) for the following scenario:

Imagine a romantic yandere falling for reader, and ofc reader isn't in love with yandere for obvious reasons like red flags. Maybe they did try dating, Yandere is a charmer, comes from a rich family, he's smart and hardworking and oh so head over heels in love with you. He's always taking you out on best dates, HAS to get you the largest fucking bouquets (excellent taste in flowers) and buys you expensive but well thought out gifts.

But for whatever reason, things dont work out and you break things off hastily and most likely over the phone before leaving the country. And yandere just- breaksdown. I mean my man does not have a good mental health as is, but you leaving, actually leaving him just breaks him down and he has a full blown panic attack.

I'm talking about yandere falling to his knees, clutching his chest and gasping for air, tears streaming down his face as he screams your name like a mad man. His family, they love him, they adore their son/brother/grandchild sm, it pains them to see him in such a miserable state. Yandere man is so delirious that he has to be sedated, tranquillised by medical professionals because he's just losing his fucking mind, babbling your name over and over again like a mad man. His condition only worsens as time passes, and so his family decides to take drastic measures because they can't see their beloved son/brother/grandkid so fucking dead and depressed and a shell of a once bright man. They love him so much, they only want ti see him happy, so they use their money and influence to track you down and try to convince you to return and take yandere back. When you refuse, they take the high way and force you to come with them, dragging you kicking and screaming to their private jet and fly all the way home, where yandere is.

You're in a dishevelled state, tears running down your cheeks as you struggle to free yourself from their grasps as they take you to yandere. And when yandere sees you... for the first time in months, his family sees the light return in his eyes as the yandere reaches out for you, scared that you're just his mind playing tricks. When he finally touches you, he is immeadiately pulling you into a hug, arms tightening around your body like a gilded cage as he cries into your shoulder and thanks his family for bringing you back. His family only smiles with tears in their eyes as they lock the door behind them when they leave, so that you don't go running away. Meanwhile, yandere has pulled you into his lap and he's looking at you with such sad eyes, staring at each feature of yours over and over again as if to memorise it all again. He can't help the tears that continue to slip out of his eyes, maybe he's crying that you're finally here, or maybe he's crying for all the time that's been lost when you weren't here. You fall asleep soon due to exhaustion, but yandere doesn't sleep a wink that night because he continues to stare at you and play with your hair very gently, finally closing his eyes when morning comes and he wraps his arms around you and traps your legs with his.

By now, you guys realise that the yandere's family is not only yandere for their son/brother/grandson but also for you. They are yandede for you too, but they're not allowing you to leave them or their son or even make him unhappy ever again. Some members are willing to let all you "tantrums" slide, while others are not so kind. BUT one thing is for sure, you're ALWAYS safe with yandere s/o, no matter what.

Now, for the characters I've had in kind for this scenario are:

Halim Mehmet Shah and the Shah Family (my ocs)

Dabi/Shotou and Todoroki clan (I am the OG creator of Yandere Todoroki Clan)

I wanna say Naoya or Toji but the Zenin clan hates them both....

Dick Grayson/Jason Todd and Batfam

What do you guys think?

Mood board for this scenario^^^(I love Pinterest)

[loviingpedri]

meet me in the afterglow joao felix.

prompt: you blew things out of proportion

warnings: grammar issues, fight between a couple (fluff at end)

credits to owners for images

you felt terrible about how you treated joao. so many things stressed you out like work, babysitting, and other things like your period. the last thing you wanted to do was hurt the only thing that can cause you happiness.

he was having a rough week himself. he was missing you as both of your schedules were very contrasting. he couldn’t focus knowing that he hasn’t seen your smile or heard your voice in a few days. he felt relieved after finding out you were both off on the same day. you felt exhausted from the night shift in the hospital before. all you wanted to do was relax, eat dinner, and hang out with your boyfriend.

things quickly took a turn after you couldn’t even figure out what to eat. joao kissed and hugged you when you got home, but as he was trying to figure out what you wanted, it was a big challenge.

“do you want pasta?” you shook your head no once again. he was starting to run out of ideas for your supposedly romantic date tonight.

“what about american? i know you would love a hamburger.” the thing is, you didn’t even know what you wanted. you wanted food, but everything seemed so unappetizing. “y/n, it’s really hard to read your mind right now. what are you craving?” joao’s face of defeat made you smile a little bit.

“maybe steak?” you looked at joao as his mouth turned into a little frown. out of all the things he suggested, your craving was the one thing he did not want. “okay, fine. you look like you don’t want it.”

“no, it’s fine. let’s just go.” he didn’t wanna stress you out, as you were already hangry.

“i’m not gonna make you eat something you don’t want. let’s go eat somewhere else.”

“well, if you want steak then let’s go.”

“joao, i am not going to push your feelings aside. i know we’ve already been separate enough but for the love of god can we agree on something together for once.” ouch. he knew the gap in the relationship was already getting bigger as time passed, but it became unbearable.

“well, i’ve been trying this whole time. you’ve denied every single one of my ideas. i’m trying to listen to you, regardless of what i crave.”

“do you even know me anymore? this is a relationship. our ideas are suppose to come together. yeah, so what we can’t decide on what to eat. you’re really gonna give up that easily? try harder already.” you should’ve chosen your words wisely. joao has already heard that last sentence way too many times in his life. he didn’t think he would have to hear it coming from the love of his life.

joao’s heart broke. it was already a difficult time during practice, but he didn’t want to bring negativity into his home, his safe place. instantly, you regretted what came out of your mouth. joao went into your shared bedroom as you were telling him to wait. you pushed your feelings behind. you sat down on the floor, thinking about the stupid fight that happened. both of you weren’t in the best mental state. you appreciated that joao tried to fix everything, and you just shut him down.

you knocked on the door, trying to get his attention. “joao? i’m sorry for what i said. i didn’t mean it. it’s on me, and i burned this down. i’m sorry that i hurt you.”

he opened the door. “hey, it’s on me too. i don’t wanna fight with you either. we’re just fine.”

“you’re all i want joao. i don’t wanna break your heart. after all, you’re my afterglow.”

————————————————

author’s note: not my best work, but just a little something. more stories yet to come throughout the week. love you guys and safe reads <3.

[aleksanderscult]

I love, love so much your blog! I recently finished Shadow and Bone trilogy and my head is like no thought, only Darklina xD So I'm really glad to have found this blog and read your thoughtfull meta!

I have so many thoughts about the trilogy (I've read SoC dualogy but I'm not that big of fan) so I will start with this question: What do you think was the purpose of the donkey dream sequency in S&S? I mean this:

Are they very poor? I ask Ana Kuya.

Not so poor as others.

Then why doesn't he buy a donkey?

He doesn't need a donkey, says Ana Kuya. He has a wife.

I'm going to marry Alina, Mal says.

Then Alina has another dream, where she's the girl but then floats to the sky, leaving the salt behind her.

While reading it, I thought it as a metaphor her being afraid of being with Mal, of becoming ordinary girl and being shackled to him. But with the ending of the trilogy, her losing powers and marrying Mal, didn't she just do that? What do you think LB intented to with this scene? I'm interested knowing your interpration.

Thank you so much, sweet anon! And welcome to this fandom!❤️❤️ You remind me of myself as I was almost a year ago. Be warned though: this suffering will never end. 🥲

Admittedly, I haven't analyzed this scene. Probably because it's too weird and painful.

This couple that they see on the road can really bring Malina flashbacks to the reader.

The man is joyful, carefree, whistling away without a care. He's every inch of Mal from the moment he's been introduced to us.

The woman is tired and struggling. She's Alina carrying this power inside of her without knowing it.

The man doesn't seem to care that his wife is exhausted. The same way Mal didn't seem to care when Alina was sick and dragging her feet. There is this obvious subordination that Mal wants to replicate. Unwillingly or not, Leigh Bardugo really kept Mal's character canon with this vision: he always wanted Alina to depend on him, not to have her own independence.

One could say that his statement "I'm going to marry Alina" is irrelevant with the previous conversation but it does look very suspicious, doesn't it? Mal, a mere child now, seeing this couple and finding it normal for the man to dominate his wife. Was he influenced by such scenes and therefore found them normal?

This scene could be interpreted as Baghra giving advice to Alina regarding her powers and what happens if you suppress them.

But still, why does it kinda look like the same "Have power but only so much as" shit again.

And to be grateful for what? For being a Grisha? Or maybe for having enough strength without needing to search for the remaining amplifiers.

Just like I said in the beginning, these scenes are really sad. For a woman to be compared to a donkey, for a young boy that wants to marry her and (very) possibly treat her that way makes you feel depressed inside. Especially if the reader is a woman too.

The first memory could be real. Or (and I lean on this interpretation) Alina unconsciously conjured a metaphor of how her relationship is with Mal. Deep down she knows how things really are (Mal is the master and Alina just a weak girl trying to catch up on this connection by suppressing the thing that keeps her healthy) but she pushes these things aside, deludes herself and clings on her love for him. The same way she did when she lost her powers. Just look what she said in "Rule of Wolves" to the Darkling. "I am happy. You never saw me this way". Meanwhile Alina's mental state: ☠️☠️

But how Bardugo thought about this scene? That Mal just made an innocent, romantic comment that didn't pass the vibe check. I'm very sure that she didn't want him to be sexist here (she cares about this character too much to spoil his reputation) but she bamboozled herself and made him look like a little prick. Ana Kuya's comment "He doesn't need a donkey. He has a wife" probably reflects the sexist world that Leigh created. Which, by the way, would be fine if she had only let her protagonist break away from these kind of "chains" and find her own power and purpose inside this story *gestures towards George R. R. Martin's female characters*.

[bicheetopuff]

I mean, I am a multishipper so I both like Izu/Ocha and Bkdk (and some other ships, lol). Izu/Ocha has some cute moments and a nice bond, but in the overall narrative, its obvious Bkdk is on a whole another level. I think the majority of these ppl, especially dudebros in the fandom, are triggered by the reality and therefore lashing out against queer ppl for supposedly ''taking away their precious straight marriage endgame''. They wanted an ending like naruto, deku had to be your average shounen character with superpowers and a woman by his side, ochako had to birth his kids, etc. Nvm that naruto's that very plot choice made the series so ridiculous at the end.

Izuku and Ochako have great moments and I genuinely adore their friendship and I think they’re very important to each others respective arcs. That being said, I agree that bkdk are on a whole other level, whether you ship them romantically or not, and I feel like you have to actively ignore it in order to avoid acknowledging it since it’s so in your face from just the first few chapters. There’s only so many excuses you can make in order to say that they don’t love each other in some way.

There’s still people saying that they’re toxic and they hate each other and I just genuinely don’t understand why they don’t just drop the story. Doesn’t it get exhausting having to force yourself to turn a blind eye to the most important relationship in the story? Like what’re you getting out of it when their relationship sets up basically every major theme in the series in some way? Without one or the other, mha wouldn’t have happened and it would’ve been incredibly boring, bffr.

I really do think they ignore it and try to convince themselves to hate Katsuki because it conflicts with their heteronormative ending that they want so badly from a shonen manga… which is funny cuz isn’t they exactly what they accuse the shipping community of doing? Accusing people of hating Ochako/being a misogynist for the sake of our ships?

Like, what’s more misogynistic? Acknowledging Ochako as her own character and actually paying attention to her character arc and seeing that izuocha happening would’ve been kind of insulting to her AND Himiko considering everything she went through to realize that she wants to live and love as she pleases without external factors telling her what to do? Or, wanting Ochako to confess her feelings in the middle of a mental breakdown and for Izuku to say “omg I’m in love with you too!! :D” despite there being no romantic development between them but they get married and have kids anyway despite the fact that heroes with kids has been portrayed as a bad thing in the majority of the story…

If bnha had a Naruto ending I think I would’ve auctioned off all my mha merch and deleted my blog while trying to erase the story from my memory. I probably would’ve actually cried. Because, like you said, it’s a ridiculous ending, and it just would’ve completely negated Ochako’s entire arc, not to mention the fact that it’d make Shigaraki targeting and killing Katsuki literally mean nothing. Like, I’m sorry but if izuocha was meant to happen, Toga and and Ochako would’ve been pulled to UA instead of the other way around and Shigaraki would’ve targeted her instead. I SAID WHAT I SAID

[shimmerforall]

All Nighter

Happy Secret Santa/Viktor birthday celebration to @literary-potat0

I hope you enjoy the little piece I wrote for you about our lovely soft little meow meow. I have a blast writing it and I hope it meets your expectations :) Thank you for @therealtendercrispstendercrisps for putting this together!

Pairing: Viktor x F!Reader

Word Count 1.5K

Warnings: I am not too sure but just to be safe, Sleep snuggles, one person is asleep and the other is awake. Both parties have respect for each other and no one is forced upon anyone.

Prompt: Unresolved romantic & sexual tension, Female reader falling asleep in the lab pulling an all nighter to help with his research, he tucks her in or convinces her to move to the couch, perhaps she sleepily pulls him down with her.

It was late, how late you really couldn’t tell anymore. At this point, time was a construct as you sat on your stool in the lab, scribbling down possible solutions to a problem you were trying to solve.  

Your body jolted for the nth time as you accidentally nodded off again.

“You really don’t have to be here, you should go home,” you heard your lab partner tell you.

“And let you get all the credit?” you yawned, “I can’t allow you to take all the credit once again. Your ego is already as large as this room.” 

He chuckled as he pushed his stool away from the desk and walked over to you gently resting his hand on your shoulder.

You tried to hide the warmth that spread throughout you at the sudden contact. It was just a simply, friendly gesture, you mentally slapped yourself. 

“Come on, you should go to sleep.”

You looked up at the man who stood beside you. His lean frame hovered over yours. You took a moment to glance at his messy brunet locks and the dark bags under his eyes. Even though he looked exhausted, he still had that spark of wonder in his eyes. That was the reason you were silly enough to take on this position when he asked, you had never seen someone so dedicated. 

Unfortunately, for your sake, hormones had a lovely way of getting in the way of your professional relationship. You couldn’t put an exact moment when your heart started lurching every time he smiled at you or how flushed you became just being within feet of him. It came naturally and organically and thus you didn’t have any special formula to shake it. 

You shook your head, leaning ever slightly towards him,  “Your ego is already as large as this room.” 

“I think in your delirious state you seem to be mistaking me for Jayce,” 

“Please, we all know who the brilliant one is here,” you smiled, “It’s cute how you try to hide that you don’t think so.”

An awkward pause encased the room as you both stiffened at your words.

“You think I am cute?”

Dear Janna! What did you just say?!

“No, I mean, yes but no! I am going to take a small nap on the couch” you pushed his hand away as you stood up and walked over to the worn plush couch that the three of you had dragged in one late night when your request for a cot was denied. 

With your back facing him, you squeezed your eyes shut, praying that sleep would take you away from this reality. 

***

Viktor had stood there awkwardly for a moment as he watched you move to the couch. He had not meant to tease you like that. It was very unprofessional of him and he mentally kicked himself for it. 

He had been doing that a lot lately when it came to you. You caught his attention the moment he met you in the hallway between sessions. You were introduced by the other professors as someone who liked to think outside the box, who was passionate in whatever it was that you were doing. 

After spending months together, he became drawn to you in a different manner. He felt guilty how he felt his heart jump in his throat every time you smiled at him. He couldn’t explain why it was happening all of a sudden, Jayce teased him endlessly as his pale skin would flush when you brought him a coffee or complimented him, even if it was for the most minute reason. 

Shaking his body of his current state, he sauntered back to his desk, trying to resume his work. 

Half an hour had passed and it was clear to the universe that his attempts had failed. He only wrote two lines of a new formula as he kept looking over his shoulder back at you on the couch. 

Your quiet snores, told him that you were still asleep. He really should wake you up and bring you home. It wasn’t healthy to sleep on something so flimsy. 

Realizing that he wasn’t going to get any work done, he walked over to you. In your sleep you had turned over, using your arm as a pillow, mouth open as your jacket that you were using as a blanket had fallen to the floor. 

He knew if you could have seen how you looked, he would probably need to find another partner. Seeing as you were asleep though, he concluded to himself that you were simply adorable. Seeing yourself in a total state of relaxation had him wishing he could sleep as well as you were. 

Oftentimes he slept at odd hours, for little moments at a time as his brain worked overtime on every conceivable thing in his life. 

Reluctantly, he bent down to shake you awake. 

***

You felt yourself being pulled from the wonderful world of slumber by a gentle shake. 

You groaned in protest as you grabbed the arm that was shaking you. 

“Stop it,” you whined.

“I am sorry, my dear but I think we should both go home to sleep.”

You murmured incoherently as you pulled the arm you were holding onto towards you, “We can both sleep here,” you sighed contently, being blanketed in a new warmth. 

A thick blanket must’ve been tossed over you as you felt a new weight on you. 

“Mmm, thanks.” you said as you snuggled closer, taking a deep breath in before going back to sleep the last thought was that the blanket also smelt really nice. 

***

Viktor was, how to say, stuck. In an attempt to wake you, you somehow managed to pull him down to the couch with you. 

You had your arms wrapped around him and a leg thrown over one of his own, sound asleep. 

He was totally lost in what he should do. He didn’t want to wake you as it was evident you needed the rest but the situation was quite uncomfortable. 

Okay, that may have been a slight lie, it was the complete opposite. It was very, very comfortable. Despite the size of the couch,  you two were able to fit by having you lie partially on top of him.  

Your hair tickled his face as you brought your head to his chest. He felt you sink more onto him as he heard your contented sigh. 

A ghost of a smile appeared on his face as he took notice of how nice this all felt. You and him fitted perfectly together, it just all seemed right. 

Brushing some loose strands of hair stuck to your face, he memorized the softness of your skin and the scent of the shampoo that you used. (In a non-creepy way of course because we all know Viktor is a gentleman like that) 

Wrapping his lean arms around you, he decided to give himself this one special moment with you. He would never be able to put into words how he had become attached to you and would never admit to anyone that he had moments of where he thought about being close to you.

"Just five more minutes," he whispered to himself, resting his chin on your head. Your deep breaths lulling him to sleep

***

"Really, you two? On the couch?"

You groaned loudly as you were awoken by Jayce's deep voice.

"What are you talking about?" you murmured, trying to open your eyes.

"Honestly, Jayce, there are better ways to wake me," you finally opened your eyes as your heard Viktor, his voice vibrating in your ear. Why did he sound so close and how were you so warm?

You looked at your current state, looking up you stared directly at Viktor, a sheepish smile on his face, "Good morning?"

You let out a yelp as you jolted upright pushing yourself off of him.

"What happened?! I am so sorry, I don't know what happened! I should've just gone home."

You continued to apologize to him profusely, not realizing that you were still holding one of his hands.

"Yeah, yeah, save the act," Jayce chuckled, "You two are so obvious. Get a room next time, though. I am going to grab us some coffee."

Your heart was going to burst out of your chest as heat flushed your body.

"I should be the one apologizing, you grabbed me in your sleep...and I must've dozed off," Viktor explained, not able to look at you as a deep blush was painted on his cheeks.

"No! It is me, I usually hug a pillow or something when I sleep...I am sorry."

"There is no need to apologize," you shivered, feeling Viktor brush his thumb over your hand, "As unprofessional as I worry it may look...I haven't slept so well in a while."

You coughed, trying to get the panic out of your throat, "Admittedly...same," you smirked.

You were now both smiling at each other wondering who was going to speak first.

"So I-" you both said at the same time, breaking out into another awkward group laugh.

"You first," you insisted, inching a little closer to him.

"So I was wondering," Viktor took in a deep breath, before leaning over and cupping your cheek, "Your place or mine, next time?

[sapphic-sex-ed]

not explicitly sex related, but I’m a 17 y/o lesbian and I’ve wanted a girlfriend for as long as I’ve known I was gay but it’s just really not working out and I know I’m being dramatic but I actually feel like I can’t function on my own for much longer. I understand that the solution to this kind of thing is usually getting out and meeting more people, but sometimes I find the loneliness so crushing that I can’t motivate myself to do anything socially different. I’m just really exhausted and it’s like this vicious cycle I guess. It’s not really that I’m expecting someone to “fix” me or anything, but I genuinely think being able to be physically and emotionally intimate with another human being would make me feel a whole lot better, and I’d really like to have someone to take care of and be taken care of in return. I’ve got a lot of love to give and no one to give it to!! I do have friends, but I’m not really comfortable with being vulnerable with any of them for various reasons and I just don’t really know what steps I need to take to get myself out of this and it lowkey feels like it’s gradually getting worse. The more I write the more I feel like this might be more of a mental health thing than a sex ed thing, so sorry if this is the wrong place! Feel free to delete or point me in the direction of whatever the RIGHT place is, and sorry for all the negativity!

Hello anon. I think you are right in your feeling that this may be primarily a mental health thing (although humans are social animals and our social relationships do greatly affect our mental health). Lucky for you I am also a mental health professional, so while I can't treat you or anything I will address some of what I interpret to be your core points. I highly advice you to find counseling, be that in school or through health care or even just a trusted adult with whom you can open up, as what you are dealing with will not be magically fixed by getting into a relationship just for the sake of it. It's a process and it is always good to have somebody with you through that process.

Now, to the analysis:

... feel like I can’t function on my own for much longer sometimes I find the loneliness so crushing that I can’t motivate myself to do anything socially different

These are common emotions, especially in our teenage years when all emotions feel a lot sharper and acute than they will in adulthood. I think you hit the nail on the head when you identify your primary emotion as loneliness. To be social and connected with other people is so integral to us as humans that it is not odd at all that you feel it is almost disabling.

I genuinely think being able to be physically and emotionally intimate with another human being would make me feel a whole lot better I do have friends, but I’m not really comfortable with being vulnerable with any of them

I also think you are correct in that the remedy to your situation is human connection. What I want to challenge for a second is the assumption that it is specifically a romantic connection which will "cure" you. I want you to reflect upon, preferably with somebody (see advice to talk to a professional or trusted adult), the reasons you think this way. What are the differences between friendship and romance? What does connection mean to you? How would you know you have found connection? Can this only be achieved in a romantic context?

I have no answers to those questions, as they will be different for everyone. But I want you to reflect upon this for yourself because for most people, we need both close, connected friendship and romance, and speaking as somebody on the aromatic spectrum, for me personally, connection is much more rooted in friendship than romance. I don't ask you to think about this because I want you to think like I do or conform to my opinions, but because this assumption seems to be based in amatonormativity - or the norm that romance both is and ought to be in a sort of hierarchy placed above friendship, and it is easy then, to assume that to achieve the greatest connection we need to find romantic love.

I also would want you to ponder why you don't feel like you can be vulnerable with your friends. Is it because of something they do or say? Because of some resistance to opening up within yourself? This is something that would be lovely to address with a counselor and I strongly recommend it for you.

I just don’t really know what steps I need to take to get myself out of this

I have no easy solution for you, anon. No 10-step list to follow. The journey to break social isolation is a daunting one: the more isolated one feels, the more uphill it seems. What I can say is that two components which make connection is spending time together and talking. Small talk, just establishing that you are interested in the other person. Spend time amongst people, preferably in some context where you have to interact/cooperate. How to get there will be something to work with together with, again, a counselor/trusted adult. I don't know exactly how disabling this loneliness is for you so I cannot adjust for that in my advice. They will be ble to because they will know you.

I wish you well,

-mod liz

[llliiinnnaaa]

Reprisal | Chapter Four | Part One

coriolanus snow x gaul oc

Summary: Ten years after the Tenth Hunger Games, Coriolanus Snow is under Dr. Volumnia Gaul’s wing as a Gamemaker alongside her niece. Unbeknownst to either of them, they’re both being prepared for a much greater task.

Warning: This story will contain explicit violence against adults and children alike (I mean, it’s Dr. Gaul AND Snow) as well as explicit language, and sexual situations.

***This fic is in no way, shape, or form, me endorsing or co-signing the horrific shit Snow does, nor am I trying to romanticize it. Also, apathy and will be the main driving force of any remnants of a relationship between my OC and Snow’s character. So if you’re interested in something very romantic and fluffy…it’s not gonna be this.

Enjoy!

      One Month Earlier 

     Sleepy brown eyes open slowly, nearly widening at the sight of the man asleep next to her. 

Bits and pieces from the night come back to her in a blur before her face heats up at the realization that they’re both very much naked.

She’s got the soft duvet from his bed covering her, she glances at him and blushes, looking away immediately before gently putting a good bit of covers over him. 

She doesn’t want to wake him or disturb him, their day yesterday having been exhausting. 

He needed the rest. 

Brown eyes carefully study the sleeping features of the infamous Coriolanus Snow. 

He doesn’t seem as stoic or iron-fisted when he sleeps, not as impatient or dismissive. 

Though she had learned through the weekend that he wasn’t always so stoic. 

In fact, the motivation for her kissing him in the first place was the wide grin on his plush lips, it made the corners of his icy blue eyes crinkle, and the laugh that followed…she had kissed him first, but he’d chased after her lips when she went to pull away. 

It’s how they ended up in the floor the morning before, tangled up, spent, and hungover. 

But yesterday evening there were no drinks to blame their actions on, nor coax him to grin and smile and laugh as he had when he was drunk. 

No, all his smiles and chuckles were a result of her. 

Part of her didn’t expect him to even enjoy sex. 

He always came across too strict to find pleasure in anything other than giving her headaches over work. 

She learned quickly that liquor wasn’t the only thing that made him grin or laugh. 

Her fingertips run along the heavy gold of his wedding band where it rests on his finger, she’s sure the shape of it is probably indented into her skin on her throat or her thighs from where he gripped onto her while she pleaded with him. 

One moment she would beg for him to stop, that it was too much, then the next she was begging him not to stop, that it was so good. 

And it was. 

Part of her is tempted to ask him where he learned how to fuck, because she couldn’t imagine any hoity toity Capitol big-shots doing the things he did — not even her husband did the things he did. 

She didn’t even know if Dyess knew how to do some of those things. 

Coriolanus Snow was excellent at disguising his filth, she knew that, now, and had added it to the mental list of things he was good at. 

Those sharp clothes and styled curls, scent of roses following after him, perfect etiquette and manners, composure…it was all thrown aside, replaced with a greedy man that enjoyed watching desperate and hungry tears stream across her face as he finished himself down her throat, a lazy smile painting his relaxed features at the feeling, long fingers pulling from her hair while he hoarsely whispered, “Good girl,” before eyeing her like his prey and returning the favor, devouring her until she saw stars. 

That was something else that took Tawny by surprise. 

He enjoyed her enjoyment. 

It was surely all a rush for his ego, a boost of confidence, to see the sparkle of her big diamond wedding ring — the physical embodiment of her commitment and loyalty to Dyess Crane — as she wrapped her fingers around Coriolanus’ length, or touched herself whilst wantonly moaning out his name. 

His eyes would light up upon the little noises that would escape her throat, every little tremor that would run up her spine, every sharp intake of breath, every whimper and whine, every tear. 

He would taunt her, “does that feel good?” to which she would nod fervently, unable to form words, too fucked out on the harsh and deep strokes he knew would have her wailing like a bitch in heat, while he drank up the sight of her. 

Asleep, he’s a different man. 

A peaceful man. 

The peace is interrupted by the abrupt ring of the telephone on the nightstand next to her. 

He awakens with a heavy breath, eyes still shut as he reaches over her and fumbles for the phone before he answers, “Snow residence.”

She can tell by the expression on his face and the girly voice she can hear every now and then that it’s his wife. 

If she had any sense she would take it as her queue to slither from under him, get out of the bed, and start getting dressed.

Instead she selfishly takes advantage of his exposed neck, pressing her lips to the skin there.

“Okay, darling, that’s alright.” He assures Livia sweetly, keeping his thoughts as narrow as possible.

She talks a moment more.

“I can’t wait to see them.” He says, next, falling back to the mattress in an attempt to shake Tawny off of him. 

She is now just the woman he sees when he’s bored. 

“Okay, I’ll see you tonight. I love you, too.” He says it softly, sweetly.

Tawny nearly smiles at the words, sounding so innocent from him. 

“Bye, darling.” He finishes. 

He hands Tawny the phone, a single finger over his lips, telling her to keep quiet, and she reaches over and puts the phone back on the hook. 

“Don’t do that again.” He states, referring to her kissing him while he was on the phone with his wife.

“Do you really love her?” It’s not sarcastic or smug, nothing used as a way of bragging about their predicament.

He knows her intent isn’t to ask, “if you truly loved her, you wouldn’t be here with me, right?”

She’s genuinely asking him if he loves his wife. 

“As best I can, I suppose.” He replies, honestly, watching as she scoots closer to him, reaching for his hands. “What about you? Do you love Dyess?” 

“As best I can, I suppose.” She mirrors his answer, understanding what he means. “Next month is our anniversary. Fourteen years.”

His brows sink slightly realizing an insignificant commonality between them. 

“I got married at twenty, too.” He mumbles. 

“Yeah?” She smiles at the thought of a younger Snow, bright eyed and bushy-tailed, marrying Livia Cardew with the hope of a successful marriage. “I wish I wouldn’t have married that young.” She confesses, twisting his wedding band around his finger. 

“Why do you say that?” 

He didn’t mind getting married as young as he did — he knew some people married a lot younger than that, especially in the districts. 

Twenty was a good age for him to find a partner and settle down.

It helped to mature him to his peers, make him look like he had things more put together and in line. 

“We got married because I got pregnant.” She whispers, gauging his reaction. 

He doesn’t have much of one to express other than a casual, “Oh.” 

A few days ago he might’ve been somewhat surprised by the scandal, especially since she’s Dr. Gaul’s niece and should have had a clean record of responsible decisions, but all his mind can think of is her on top of him, his hands having groped her bouncing chest as she begged him to finish in her, deliberately tightening around him to the point he almost couldn’t move in her. 

He had nearly thrown her off of him, scolding her for being so reckless, that neither of them could afford to get caught. 

No, her confession doesn’t surprise him in the least.

“What happened?” He asks it, now, unaware that she had a child to begin with. 

He had never heard her talk about it. 

There weren’t any family pictures or scribbled drawings created by little hands, hanging proudly in her office like many of their colleagues with children…though, he supposes, this child she speaks of is thirteen by now.

That might explain the lack of elementary scribbles pasted in her office. 

He can see reality settling on her features, dropping his hand and sitting up as she murmurs, “I better go.” 

It was clear she wanted to avoid that conversation, so he let it be, watching as she sits up, turning to look at him over her shoulder. 

“Can you not look?” She asks him shyly. 

It almost makes him laugh, but he closes his eyes, giving her time to gather her clothes and step to the bathroom. 

Once she gets out, she’s dressed in her work clothes she wore to meet him on Friday. 

It’s Sunday now. 

He tugs his pants on, quickly following after her as she heads for the front door, pulling her heels on. 

“Dr. Crane,” He stops her, grabbing her hand, “I wouldn’t want this to interfere with either of our future opportunities…”

“…I won’t tell a soul.” She whispers it  surely, preferring not to let anyone know she’s in Coriolanus Snow’s pocket when she’s not in her husband’s. “I promise.” It’s added gently, earning a nod from him as he drops her hand. “I’ll see you tomorrow morning, Mr. Snow.” 

Dr. Crane. 

Mr. Snow . 

It feels somewhat forbidden to address one another so professionally after spending the weekend together as they have. 

But it also acts as a reassurance that things won’t change between them. 

“See you tomorrow.” 

     Livia Snow now fumbles with her diamond bracelet wrapped around her wrist, awaiting the door to be answered as she, her husband, and his cousin, Tigris, stand patiently. 

“How long does it take to answer a door?” He mumbles, glancing at his watch. 

“You wanted to arrive almost thirty minutes early, Coriolanus, so you need to be nice and understand that they might be a bit busy at the moment.” Tigris says calmly, nudging him gently with her elbow before politely knocking again. 

“Coming!” Tawny shoves the triangle shaped diamond the size of a quarter into her ear, heels clicking on the dark marbled floor. 

The door swings open, her darkly lined eyes widening as she wishes she would have looked through the peephole beforehand. 

She had fully expected the Plinths to arrive thirty minutes early, not the Snows. 

“Sorry, we’re a bit early, Dr. Crane.” Tigris apologizes, glancing over Tawny’s attire for the evening with shimmering eyes of adoration. 

Coriolanus has to keep himself from also glancing over it, instead extending the gift Livia had preferred for him to carry while she carried the crystal vase of lush white roses. 

“These are for you and Dr. Crane.” Snow pipes. 

“Thank you so much. You didn’t have to do that.” She says truthfully, her hand that’s covered by a silkie black glove that goes above her elbow, reaches out and accepts the gift and the flowers, stepping aside to let them in as she pipes, “Please, come in. Dinner is not yet ready, but Dyess is in the parlor swimming in dark liquor with my father while I’m hiding from my mother. So, feel free to also do either one of those.” She adds quietly, earning a small snicker from Livia until Tawny turns her back to them, in which Snow’s wife then shoots Coriolanus a look that screams, “what have we gotten ourselves into?” 

Following his cousin’s advice, it’s  now him that’s giving his wife a, “be nice,” look, glancing around the apartment. 

He’d only been once, when Dyess was away. 

He locks those memories away to avoid making himself miserable. 

“Do you need help with anything, Dr. Crane?” Tigris offers, to which Tawny replies, “Please, Tigris, it’s Tawny — and no, thank you.” 

It’s when Livia is looking over Tawny’s collection of finely painted porcelain plates on display in the hutch right outside her parlor that Coriolanus steals a glance over at Tawny. 

Dark, waved hair parted more to the side than usual, the thinner side of the part pinned behind her ear to show off the big diamond Dyess had bought her. 

Her top was strapless, fitted around her chest and slightly more flowy along her abdomen, stopping above her hips before pants of the same material kept her covered down to her heeled feet. 

She feels his eyes on her, looking at him in a moment of lost resolve before she’s turning her back to him  to grab the wine glasses from the cupboard, showing the smooth skin of exposed shoulder blades, and top half of her spine. 

Tigris notices him noticing Tawny, and he looks at his cousin and immediately turns back to his wife who hasn’t any idea the exchange had taken place. 

Furrowing blonde brows, Tigris glances once more at Tawny, then back to Coriolanus who’s now whispering with Livia. 

“Tawny?!” Her mother’s voice echos in the apartment, Coriolanus and Livia looking in the direction of her voice. 

“Yes, mother?” Tawny’s voice stresses the word passive aggressively as she ducks behind Tigris’ tall frame. 

“Are the Plinths here?!” 

“No, mother, not yet!” Tawny shouts back, irritation getting the best of her. 

“Tawny, don’t shout at your mother!” Dyess loudly scolds her.

“Why don’t you just stay in the parlor and keep throwing them back, dear?!” She hollers back. 

Livia’s eyes bulge at their bickering in front of company before Dyess is nearly running into her, barreling out of the parlor, whiskey in hand. 

The expression on his face lets their company know that he hadn’t realized they’d come in. 

Immediately his frustrated look fades to a smile, extending his hand to Livia as he pipes, “Dr. Snow, it’s good to see you.”

“You, too, Dr. Crane, thank you for inviting us.” She politely replies, Dyess’ dark blue hues twitching every slightly, confirming to Coriolanus that he didn’t invite them. 

Tawny had thought that up all on her own – and judging by their fighting, he isn’t happy they were invited…he isn’t happy Coriolanus was invited, in particular, he can see that when Dyess looks at him and grits out, “Mr. Snow.” 

“Dr. Crane.” 

Perhaps a handshake would be appropriate, polite…but it doesn’t occur from either man. 

“Would you like a drink?” He asks. 

“No, not tonight, thank you.” Snow says, smiling tightly. “I wouldn’t particularly enjoy being sloppy and embarrassing my wife.” 

Anyone else would take it as Coriolanus making a joke about himself being a cheap drunk, but Dyess knows he meant it as a dig toward him. 

“That’s a wise thought.” A man who looks identical to Dr. Gaul breaks their interaction, outstretching his hand to Coriolanus. “Tiberius Gaul. How do you do?” 

“Coriolanus Snow, and well, sir.” Snow shakes his hand. “Dr. Gaul’s brother, I presume?”

Tawny stops what she’s doing when she hears Coriolanus ask the question, her eyes finding Tigris’ as she asks, “Is my father speaking to your cousin?”

“Twin brother, actually.” Tiberius nods, grinning. “You’re General Crassus Snow’s boy Strabo brags on just about any chance he gets.” He adds. 

Coriolanus puffs his chest up at the mention of it before he rests his hand at the small of Livia’s back, stating, “Mr. Gaul, this is my wife, Livia.” 

“Hello, Mr. Gaul, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” She beams as she always had when meeting someone new.

“Dad,” Tawny’s stepping toward them, gently grasping her father’s arm and pulling him away from Snow, “Can you help me with something in the kitchen real quick?” 

“Is dinner ready yet, Tawny?” Her mother’s stepping from the hallway, adorned in a deep green long-sleeved dress that fits to her body and stops at her calf muscles. “I’m famished and I need my wine.” 

She has to be at least fifteen years younger than Tiberius, less wrinkled and more lively than what he had expected.

Then her green eyes fall to Coriolanus. 

“And who might you be?” She eyes him like a shark circling prey. 

It makes him feel violated. 

“Coriolanus Snow.” He greets her the same as he had her husband, within milliseconds, Tawny is yanking her away from him before he can even introduce her to his wife. 

“Mother, I need help in the kitchen.” Tawny drags her while the woman pipes, “I’m Minerva, it’s lovely to meet you!”

Tiberius has now struck up conversation with Tigris, though Tawny doesn’t mind her father speaking to Tigris, she just hadn’t wanted him to relive his glory days serving under Crassus Snow during the war, and take the late head of the Snow household’s son down that memory lane. 

She didn’t know how well that would bode with Coriolanus. 

“You know, if you would get Avoxes, Tawny, you wouldn’t be running late. You’d have more help.” Minerva informs her for the umpteenth time since this one visit. 

“I don’t want them in my house.” She hisses back. “Dyess?!” 

“Yes?” He calls back, moving between Snow and Livia to step to the kitchen. 

“Is this finished?” She asks him, opening the oven. 

“I don’t know, Tawny.” He huffs, eyeing the roast. 

“Um…” Tigris takes it upon herself to grab the oven mit on the counter and lean down, pulling the rack out of the oven. 

“Here.” Tawny hands her a pair of tongs, to which she presses on the highest point of the roast and presses down a few times. 

“It’s about medium, now, Tawny.” The blonde informs her. 

“Oh, please, take it out. We’ll already lose teeth trying to bite into that thing.” Minerva grumbles. 

“It’s okay to take out, Tigris. Thank you very much.” Tawny ignores her mother as Tigris lays the dish on the hotpad on the counter. 

“Steak would have been more appropriate, as well. We aren’t in the Dark Days anymore.” Her mother continues as Dyess nods out a, “I told her and she didn’t listen, Mrs. Gaul.”

“Mini, roast is just fine.” Tawny’s father reigns his wife in, glancing at Dyess dismissively. 

“Coriolanus and I prefer roast to Steak, anyway.” Tigris assures her. “I’m certain the Plinths won’t mind it, either.” 

“The Plinths can kick rocks.” Tawny says under her breath, grabbing the stack of plates to go set the table. 

“I can help with something,” Livia surprisingly offers, she and Coriolanus having made their way to the kitchen to join everyone else. 

“The wine.” Minerva volunteers her, grabbing the corkscrew from the drawer. 

Tawny leaves them, letting out a heavy breath in the peace of the dining room, a beat later, Snow joins her, his cousin’s eyes following after him as he follows after Tawny. 

“Can I do something?” Coriolanus’ low voice doesn’t startle Tawny, her lips rubbing together upon hearing it. 

“You can stop looking at me.” She replies, raising her brows. 

“Looking at you?” He asks. 

“Like you’ve seen me without clothes.” She states, saying it so quietly it’s nearly mouthed. “We said we wouldn’t do this anymore.”

“Me looking at you does not equate to me bending you over the table.” He says in the same quiet tone, arguing. 

“It makes me feel all the same so just stop .” It’s a flustered confession as she lays a plate down, a confession that has his jaw clenching momentarily. 

He wonders if she’s going to screw Dyess tonight while thinking of him, or if she’ll outright forgo Dyess altogether and bring herself pleasure with Coriolanus’ name on her soft lips. 

“Snow.” She gripes through her teeth, her skin prickling under his intense, smug eyes. 

A knock at the door pulls their sight from one another, she shoves the plates into his chest as she mutters, “That’s your family,” and goes to answer the front door. 

[leonawriter]

Hello! How about the other mc Shinichi??

First impression

Probably something along the lines of "teenaged Sherlock Holmes wannabe who's got the fame go to his head. Dumb idiot for not being more careful staking out a shady deal." It was a long time ago, though.

Impression now

I have no idea how this kid got to know so much by seventeen. I don't know how he knows so much by fifteen. At the same time, he has his blind spots which make him feel human, as well as hobbies and interests and relationships that really ground him. In spite of it all, he's still one of my favourite fictional detectives.

Favorite moment

First one that popped to mind was Conan opening something up and saying "Hey, Hattori... have you ever killed anyone?" because of the mark that the Moonlight Sonata case left on him.

I also like just about anything that lets his unhinged side out. So, being given a sharp cutter as a "seven year old"? Actually working with Kid and unnerving people in the movies? That sort of thing.

Idea for a story

I really want to see what things are like for him after he's back to normal. Readjusting.

Maybe something like a "Five Times Shinichi Had To Reintroduce Himself To A Close Friend He Had As Conan," along with the mental exhaustion that comes with that. And him just collapsing into the sofa after a while.

Unpopular opinion

I dunno if it fits, but. Just because he's a good person doesn't mean he can't be a right brat at times. Some of the things he pulls for cases are like, "yeah sure let's go with that" and sometimes I'm watching him go and I'm just "why did you even need to do that. That was a dick move." Including but not limited to some of his earlier encounters with Kid, and the way he's sometimes used the sleep dart to solve a case when he could have led the detectives present to its conclusion without that.

Favorite relationship

Hattori, actually. I just love how whenever they're in the same case together, they gravitate to each other, unconsciously copying each other and just... Ran and Kazuha say they're "like brothers" but in some ways I'd say they're like soulmates. If not romantic, then platonic. He's Shinichi's best friend and secret keeper, no matter that he's prone to accidentally saying "Kudo" a lot, and he's someone Shinichi can relax around (Hattori cheers him up after he found his idol had killed someone) and who spurs him on to be better all the time.

It's also a treat to get to see his dynamic with Kaito go from "I am going to jail him and kick his ass" to "dumbass thief who I trust with my secrets and tease because if we knew each other properly we'd be besties" and I am waiting for the internal cousins reveal with baited breath. I need it.

(Possibly going more under "unpopular opinion" but although I love Shinichi with Ran, the dishonesty and strain there sours things a fair bit.)

Favorite headcanon

Shinichi would be an amazing magician if he'd just let go of the idea that everyone else can see through tricks as easily as he can and focus more on how a well-intentioned lie that doesn't harm anyone can bring a smile to someone's face even without knowing how it works. Like, that could so easily be part of why he caught Kaito's eye, because he knows Shinichi needs to just loosen up a bit and he could enjoy the show better.

It isn't just because of how Shinichi interacts with Kid, either - just look at almost any of his "deduction shows." They have the same flair as a magic show, except that the focus is on explaining the trick. They even have the same need to wow the audience!

[rise-my-angel]

I appreciate your takes a lot and think you are quite respectful. I am a Dany fan and would enjoy Jon and Dany together in the books if it was healthy and they were interested in each other and blah blah basically it would have to be a very specific scenario for me to enjoy it but anyway I don’t consider myself a stan of any character or ship and I’m a bit perplexed by that type of fan. I enjoy reading posts by people who disagree with me and have different interpretations of characters. I get so disappointed when I find that I’m blocked by someone just because maybe they hate Dany or they ship a ship I don’t like even though we otherwise have similar opinions and even if we don’t, isn’t it nice to see what other people think sometimes? It’s refreshing I think. I’m a big Jon fan and I’m going to enjoy posts by other true Jon fans even if they don’t like Dany. I just have a hard time seeing why everyone is so bothered. Some fans are very rude and toxic when people disagree (I have been accused by other Dany fans of secretly being a Sansa and Jonsa stan just because I said I think Dany COULD be a villain in the books and I’d be okay with it as long as it’s well written which is silly. I’d be okay with so many different outcomes as long as they’re well written because it’s not my story and I trust George to tell a good one if he ever finishes it at all). I just wish we as fans could focus on celebrating the things we do agree on and ignore it when we disagree or have respectful and thought provoking conversations instead of just blocking or being hostile

I genuinely like dissecting what about characters or ships I dislike and why. I love analyzing fiction in ways that explore what works or doesn't work about something for a story in my personal opinion and how framing certain characters can have adverse effects on fan point of views.

People talk about "hating on things" when really, I love discussing why I think Rhaegar is a peice of shit. I love explaining what about Dany I think is a tyrant. But that is very difficult with a very specific subset of this fandom.

Mostly Dany stans and Sansa stans, but this also bleeds into the general discussion of targ stans. The fact of the matter is, they are fine with trashing the other character, but as soon as I make a post that is anti that character they stan, I am hating unjustifiably. I am hating just to hate and I am looking for things to hate.

And unfortunately, that means I am always on the defensive about my Jon opinions. This fandom has an issue with discussing Jon without attaching a ship to that narrative, especially Jonsa and Jonerys stans. I do not ship him with anyone, therefore I want to discuss him as a singular character and that includes exploring what I think are problematic and toxic characters towards him. Which in my analysis, includes Dany and Sansa. But because to a lot of these people, Jon is seen as an extension of Dany or Sansa in a ship, I am clearly one or the other.

I cannot tell you how silly it is to have "Anti Jonsa, Anti Jonerys, Anti Jonrya, Anti Jongritte" in my bio, and every single one of my anti jonerys posts gets passed around as pro jonsa evidence or my anti jonsa posts gets passed around as pro jonerys evidence.

It is a subset of this fandom I hate because it has shown how impossible it is to discuss Jon as a complete individual character outside of romantic ships and it is exhausting.

It is a very persistent problem. I don't care who personally ships these things, but the fandom has made it's mark by declaring that either your with them or your their enemy and any disagreeing opinions are seen as attacks instead of discussion of media I enjoy.

People can like Dany and Jonerys, or Sansa and Jonsa, but it is the persistent screaming that opinions like mine are being unfairly hateful or delusional that piss me off. I'd rather not have such negative opinions about certain shippers, but it is the angry mob mentality they have that make me so against it.

I want to just discuss Jon as a character on his own, they only want to discuss Jon as a side companion romantic interest to their favourite female character. And I get blocked for speaking against their sacred cow, whereas I go looking through their blogs just to see what their side says so I can make a fair argument to their points when engaging in critical discussion on my own personal posts.

Me and them are not the same.

[beautifulrebelglitterwitch]

Kelly Clarkson once said “I was looking for skinny jeans when I should have been looking for wranglers”. We know that story did not end well, but that statement stuck in my head like, you think you know what you want, what you should be looking for, but maybe THIS over here is what you really need. I wasn’t looking though. I wasn’t looking for skinny jeans or wranglers or a suit or gray sweatpants. I wasn’t looking at all. Maybe a side eye look like “hey is it you?”but not with any kind of strength behind it.

I wasn’t looking for anything but myself. I was (am) figuring out what exactly it is that I wanted because the truth was I knew what I didn’t want very clearly but couldn’t list one thing I actually wanted. You’ve got to know both. The universe can’t help you with half ass truths. So I went about creating the this is me and what I want list that was imaginary and in my head. I tried on ideas like clothes in a dressing room, not buying anything that didn’t fit or suit my style. In that process I found things that fit so well I knew it was the truth. I kept finding the things that fit well until I saw myself more clear than I ever, but still me, feeling more comfortable in my skin than ever before. I was alone, but not lonely. I was fulfilling desires alone better than being with a partner, especially the wrong one. I was always smiling in disbelief that I could feel so fulfilled and be alone. I had been searching and searching and searching for the person that fit with who I am now and I was exhausted.

A mentally drained creative person is a frustrated person. So I was coming up ways for me to express myself that I hadn’t before and that were free. The things I did created so much joy. I found myself, even through getting help for my depression and anxiety, through these creative endeavors a lightness and surge in creativity I hadn’t felt in some time.

Minding my own business and really the hardest part of my day being what to post to curate my blog, and what to eat, I received a message. A test. For both of us. For him, would I bite? For me, is this guy a creep? I bit. He’s not a creep. We haven’t stopped talking since. Everyday I think I wasn’t looking, I wasn’t even paying attention. I didn’t even want to talk to anyone and then he appeared. I did the opposite of what I would normally do, I broke every one of my rules. I worried I wasn’t enough, I thought he must be lying, I hoped this wasn’t a joke, I worried he would ghost me, I worried see all of my body would be the reason he’d ghost me. I was deathly afraid of my feelings.

Then one day this Motherfucker (in our earliest days I kept saying in my head this Motherfucker is trying to get me to love him, or this Motherfucker says the sweetest things. I know by calling him that in my head, I was stalling, I wanted him to prove me right, he wasn’t this amazing person, he was in fact a Motherfucker) anyway, one day this Motherfucker asks me to call him and then asks me if I’d like to be his best friend? When I tell you my eyes were wet and my smile was the biggest it’s been in years, because it’s single handedly the sweetest, most romantic thing. I’ve ever experienced. He asked a scaredy cat girl wrestling with her feelings if I’d like to be his best friend and in that moment I loved him and became even more scared, but also knew I could tell my best friend anything.

Since that phone call I have experienced something lacking in almost every relationship I have ever had. Consideration for my feelings constantly. Someone who asks the right questions and listens to my answers. Someone who says “only if you’re comfortable” and means it. Someone who makes sure I’m ok and doesn’t freak out when I’m not. Someone who will talk things out. Someone who knows we’re in this together. Someone who wants to be better for himself and for me and makes me want the same. Someone who turns me on just be being himself. So finally one day I broke down and asked “Are you for real?” and he answered “I am really real baby darling” I stared at that text for minutes. I swooned. I cried. My heart was bursting. This Motherfucker, my best friend, my lover. He’s really real.

@always-be-batman-71

[beevean]

People when Guts has a mental breakdown after a lifetime of trauma which leads him to almost rape the woman he loves but stops himself before the deed is fully done and is so disgusted with himself that he starts distancing himself from her and accepting other people in his life to look after her while also accepting that he may never again have the right to even speak to her after what he'd almost done yet will still fight tooth and nail to protect her even if he'll never truly be able to atone: Fucking disgusting mysoginistic bullcrap! Shame on the author for being such a sexualizing creep!

People (not the same people but still) when Lenore tricks Hector into having sex with her on order to slip an enslavement ring on him so as to magically bound him to her and then spends her time making jokes about him being her pet, about his dick and about wanting a new bedroom and who then kills herself upon realising that she may in the future be subjected to the same fate as him while only giving a shallow "yeah sorry about that": OMG! So romantic! This show truly has some incredibly deep and complex writing! Good thing this wasn't written by a sex pest or something!

Is it sexism against men, or good ol' xenophobia that leads many people to be much harsher to Japanese manga and anime than Western products? You decide :)

I wouldn't even compare Guts to Lenore. Guts assaulted Casca after weeks of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion that made him vulnerable to the temptation of the Beast of Darkness. I am not excusing him or downplaying Casca's trauma in any way... but the story didn't, either. Casca, understandably so, was terrified of Guts, and stayed terrified of him for months. Many years in real life. And, as you said, Guts regretted his actions as soon as he realized what he was doing, and that slip was what made him accept the help of Farnese and Serpico: he accepted that he could not take care of Casca by himself. He was a danger to her.

Lenore can't be compared to Guts. It was not an act of irrational aggression. She wanted him in the most vulnerable position possible, to coax him into falsely pledge loyalty to her and that stupid ring. It was premeditated and... well, I'd say cruel, but even in the most Lenore apologist position I can get myself into, she literally treated Hector as an animal to be "rescued". Well meaning? At best. But still inherently dehumanizing. Which alright, she's a vampire, it makes sense that she'd see a human as an animal. And alright, I can see a plotline where she learns to see Hector as a person. But... it never happened. We went from "I made you into my pet" to a brat making dick jokes and pouting that she feels useless after a time skip.

And anyway my issue isn't even with her, it's with Hector and how he shows zero resentment after his understandable breakdown in the S3 finale. I honestly can't read his character, assuming he has one by this point.

I know that people are tired of my bitching about Lenector, but I'm sorry, no matter how hard I try to understand the appeal, the dynamic, the relationship, the "poetry" of their fates, you cannot reconcile Lenore's action in S3 with Lenore's actions in S4 without resorting to some severe rape apologism or straight up denial (because some seem to believe that if you consent at first, then it's automatically okay). The Lenore presented in S4 is a tragic villain coming to terms with her role in the council, the lack of respect from the others, the fear that she might become a monster, and the fact that she started to bond with someone she previously only saw as a "problem to solve"... but in order to accept this at face value, we have to ignore that she resorted to rape and deception to bring her victim to his lowest point. We are meant to pity the rapist. We are meant to see Hector "forgiving" her (assuming he did) as him growing up. There is no other way around it.

[dustiscium]

Qiu Lin: The drawbacks of popularity

Heads up, successful people!

This is just a what-if! Doesn't necessarily mean the things mentioned in this post are implanted in the game or are valid, just researching the pros and cons of being popular at school for so long.

Please, do not take the ideas out of context, as I will include sensitive topics, I wouldn't call the following statements I've listed to step 2 Qiu as a "head cannon" when GP games focus more on positive things in the games.

So, still focusing on step 2 Qiu, and GP games' mention on their attitude as a 14 kid.

(I have seen their step 3 design, and God am I in love with them)

"After being the friendliest kid in town, they’ve developed quite the attitude...Being 14 is tough."

"No matter how in demand the item is, you're welcome has been spent. If you're not already in, you're out. All they want in their life is a little peace with the ones they trust."

(From the step 2 post of Qiu, read more of step 2!)

Let's agree, it is tough for a teen, or anyone in particular when they are trying to find their true identity. I've been thinking that being put in the spotlight for so long, did not help Qiu when entering their teens? (but again, I wouldn't know, the full game isn't out).

Used this site: https://darkknight47.wordpress.com/2012/09/22/popularity-a-pros-and-cons-list/

These are the pro of being popular: Everyone knows you, the social aspect, being well known/liked in a positive way, being the invited, first choice, romantic interest, the favourite, etc.

As there is a yang, there is a ying, the potential drawbacks to being popular (with examples used) :

Feeling exhausted from having to keep in contact with people (especially new people that try to join their friend circle in this stage)

The pressure of being looked up to (They are considered to be well-liked by classmates)

Being suffocated and having barely any time to yourself

Always being hassled to help people out

Having your privacy invaded

The likelihood of having stress and mental breakdowns

Being constantly busy with social life

Status can attract too many fake friends (Developing Deep Friendships Takes Work: the neighbourhood friends we are introduced to through posts/ and have in-game sprites )

Darker aspects would include:

-Unwanted attention (people following them around), unnecessary rumours (not the teasing kind!) and issues of trust 

I don't know, I might delete this post if it causes a problem later down the road (which isn't my intent). Let me know if I should remove this post or add a trigger warning by commenting if you want or another way (do not private chat me if you are under 18).

[watatsumiis]

The Price of Everlasting Vigilance (Xiao x Reader)

Content: Gender neutral reader (referred to as 'you'), pre-established friendship (can be read as romantic but nothing explicit), general broody Xiao angst and such, some dark/depressive thoughts and rambles on his end.

Word count: ~1.1k

Xiao is... Tired. The kind of tired that sleeping can't fix. A deep, all-consuming exhaustion that has numbed him to the point where he doesn't even notice it any more. It's just a constant state of being for him now.

Even the things that helped previously don't put a dent in it any more. Watching Liyue from a high vantage point, spending time with those he cares for, it's all become the same.

Try as you might, there's not much you seem to be able to do to even get him to look at you nowadays. He's always focused on your surroundings, watchful, as always, for demons and other such horrors that he knows will come creeping out of the cracks the moment he lets his guard down.

You've known him for a while, and it's never been this bad - usually the Remedium Tertiorum that Zhongli has you take to him whenever you visit helps at least somewhat, but now it doesn't seem to put a dent in the pain that is forever bearing down on Xiao's shoulders. You can see it dragging him down like a creature alive, reflecting endlessly in his tired amber eyes and the monotonous way he walks.

He's never one to complain, not even to think that perhaps this isn't how his life should be, one battle after another until he inevitably hits the ground for the last time, never to get up again.

You, of course, know better. You know that there's more value to him than simply the weapon he sees himself as, but trying to inform him of that, or to even open up the conversation is a difficult undertaking, to say the least.

"Xiao, are you alright?" It's a simple question, one you always ask every time you see him. He seems more irritable today than usual, rolling his shoulders and pacing the balcony of the Wangshu Inn, looking out over the waters.

"Yes. There is nothing to stop me from doing the duties I have been assigned." You can't help but let out a sigh at his stock-standard response. It's hard to tell if he's purposely avoiding giving a proper answer, or if he truly believes that you're just asking about his ability to carry out his work.

"That's not what I meant..." It's hard to stifle the frustration in your tone. Xiao's incessant pacing and restless fidgeting seem to be aggravating you as well. "Emotionally. Mentally. Are you okay?"

Xiao pauses for a moment to focus on you and he tilts his head to the side. "I do not see how that is relevant. Zhongli sent you, yes?" You nod your head and open your mouth to respond, to clarify that you're asking because you actually care, not because of whatever preconceived notion Xiao has got in his head, but the Adeptus interrupts you. "You can tell him I am, as always, perfectly capable of continuing to fulfill our contract."

"I'm not asking for him!" You burst out, the frustration inside you finally coming to a boil. He finally ceases his pacing to fix you with a blank stare. He looks so tired, like the light behind his eyes is struggling to keep from sputtering out. His shoulders are slumped, and he's holding himself awkwardly, as if he's in pain. Knowing him, he probably is.

Xiao clenches his jaw and wets his lips before he speaks, giving you a glimpse of his sharp fangs. "Why are you asking, then? My 'emotional state' is of no concern to you." He says the words like they hold little meaning to him as an overall concept, much less something he himself actually possesses.

"Because I care, Xiao!" Your tone borders on scolding now - it upsets you to realise that, even after all of the time you've known him, the idea that you actually care about him seems to be completely foreign to him.

He flinches back minutely, running one hand through his hair, fingertips brushing up against the base of one of his darkly coloured horns.

Despite Xiao's long life, and the time he's spent being near mortals, even picking up on their emotions thanks to the Adeptal 'gift' of empathy, the intricacies of human mannerisms still escape him sometimes. It hurts his head, the sharp spark of emotion he feels coming from you. He wonders if it's his fault, if he's done something wrong. Guilt wells inside of him - it's not pleasant, but it's finally something that isn't that deeply seated apathy that has curled up and made itself at home in the cage inside his chest.

You watch as his brow furrows and he focuses his gaze solely on you for the first time in what feels like forever. His stare is intense, like he's trying to take you apart to see just how you work and why you're feeling the way you do - it's almost unnerving.

The silence between you two is deafening. It's nearly enough to make you throw your hands up and give in, to tell Xiao to forget that you asked, that it's late and you should go to bed to prepare for the long trip back to Liyue Harbor tomorrow.

You're about to do so when Xiao takes a step forward, one gloved hand reaching out briefly before he pulls it back close to his chest. "Wait." His voice is as composed and monotonous as ever, but it's ... smaller, somehow. "I..." He hesitates, worrying part of the ornate necklace he wears between two fingertips. "I'm sorry." He finally gets the words out - you can tell from his expectant expression that it isn't a phrase he's familiar with saying, that he's not entirely sure that this is the context he should be saying it in.

You shake your head, and he seems to shy away a little. "No, Xiao, don't be sorry." You make a conscious effort to try and calm down a little, to speak to him gently and kindly (goodness knows he could use some patience and compassion when he's so surrounded by hostility all the time). "Just..." You trail off, a little unsure of where you were going with all of this. "Let me care about you, alright?" It's your turn to interrupt Xiao as he opens his mouth, evidently about to question your intent. "No. Don't say anything. Don't question it. Please." You're so tired of his constant pushing away, the way he de

Xiao falls silent for a few long moments, contemplating this new revelation. He gulps quietly, averting his gaze to the marsh below. You think you see a slight tinge of pink on his pale cheeks in the twilight. "Okay." He murmurs softly.

Please don't repost, steal, copy or otherwise plagarise my writing! This includes posting translations to other sites.

[closetdbisexual]

favorite first watches of august, 2024

hi ^__^ i lapsed in actually writing any reviews for this last month bc i was just so exhausted well maybe ill go back at some point i might do it eventually ill never know. i like movies more this month though <3 all of these are romcoms and so i chose photos of all the main couples in them. just kidding or am i

The Master - 5 stars

yayyyy my yaoi movie<3 very first thing i watched this month and i have thought about it every day since which probably doesnt mean anything, or itll change my world forever just like boogie nights did. i gave a more proper review on letterboxd but i looove you movieyy i love the difficult and traumatized main characters in pta's movies freddie is really interesting to follow his relationship with lancaster so special to me they're so interesting dog/owner moment <33 and amy adams is really really good in her role they're all just. such interesting characters pulling each other into their lives and trying to take control of their lives and each other. trying to be free in a way nobody really can be... i love how the cult is never portrayed as being like a grift to the people involved, you can tell lancaster and peggy really believe in what they're doing there, even if they shouldn't. and freddie and lancaster are so in love and doomed <33 it's a bit strange to go "i think the relationship between the sex-obsessed veteran and the cult leader is really romantic" but it is likeeee. it is. anyway i love substance abuse i love tragedy i love mental illness i love when guy is a guard dog i love you moviey oh also laura dern is in this and i love her lots hi laura dern so sweetie why havent i seen blue velvet yet :-( she's very lovely in this and amy adams is so good, they all give all really excellent performances but i'm highlighting them

Challengers - 5 stars

I LOVE YOU TASHI !!!!! good as hell good fucking movie jesus christ probably just like an objectively perfect and incredible movie huh. so fun watching it with my friend and the cinematography here is insanely good the score is insanely good it's so faggy it's so sweaty very sexy movie, i love tashi forever and her knee injury she's sooo me <33 and she's fujoing out she's sooooo me <3 justice for aromantic fujoshis autisticly obsessed with tennis she's actually the most woke character of all time if you think about it. and of course i love their bisexual faggot threesome thing and to be honest it was suicidemotifed i love her telling patrick to kill himself. zendaya is so good in this she has such good expressions i love you tashi

The Killing of a Sacred Deer - 4 and 1/2 stars

yay<3 also watched it with my friend yayyy so funsies also ok i get it now i wasn't totally fucking w/ lanthimos after the lobster (which i did like but i just felt like it wasn't very strong plotwise) i much preferred this though very much my kind of movie. colin farrell is so hot sorry and sorry but he and martin have a truly beautiful gay reverse-grooming manipulation thing going on i support 16 year olds manipulating married middle-aged men thats like my whole thinggg anyway yeah the family unit getting undermined and parental abuse/neglect and alcoholism and really strong stylistic choices w/ the cinematography and the monotone dialogue im obsessed with the dialogue in this it's such a good choice and there's so many long hallway shots <33 i love you hallways. the only thing i don't like is how hospital-oriented it is but like thats not an issue with the movie thats an issue with me yknow

I'm Your Man - 4 and 1/2 stars

doomed heterosexuality<3 alma is one of the top ten most beautiful women ive ever seen and shes sooo real so relatable, and what her and tom have is so tragic and romantic and it hurt to watch how they pushed-and-pulled against each other and each tried to be human in their own ways and even though the love was there they were so incompatible it just couldn't work they couldn't make it work. loved all the big open spaces it made it feel so empty and subdued, the score is beautiful, alma and tom's actors give such good performances and really it kind of haunts me. just really good. and sandra hüller jumpscare ily girl ive GOT to watch anatomy of a fall i need to See her

i don't normally do honorable mentions but today i will i also really liked But I'm A Cheerleader (4 and 1/2 stars) and Sorry to Bother You (3 and 1/2 stars) i love lesbians they were very sweet and it had shockingly good cinematography that i kind of didn't expect from it (my bad i thought it was going to be more like a silly romcom i guess) it was really lovely though. and sorry to bother you had such insanely cool art direction i didn't really enjoy the pacing esp. the last 30 minutes did not come across well to me and i honestly didn't like the ending, but it was a very creative movie visually and just other than that i liked it wish it just didn't lose steam at the end... ily detroit i loved her earrings the costume design was soooo good i also liked cassius of course too i liked a lot of it yayy movies

[seeingivy]

aot characters as specific taylor swift songs 

**an: based on this post by @crazychaoticizzy - I just had to pick the songs for the albums that you picked bc they were so perfect :DDD 

- 

erwin smith a place in this world - from debut

seemed like a no brainer, erwin gives country vibes 

like idk how to explain it but he would wear cowboy hats, and cowboy boots, and out of taylor’s discography he would be THE country album

erwin from texas agenda

“don’t know what’s down this road, i’m just walking / im just walking / trying to find a place in the world”

historia reiss the way I loved you - from fearless

right. 

miss fearless for SURE 

this is pregnant historia s4 who deserved a happy ending w/ ymir’s SONG SPECIFICALLY

cuz I know that farmer has 0 heat, esp compared to the love of my life ymir 

“he says you look beautiful tonight / and I feel perfectly fine / but I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain / it’s 2 am and i’m cursing your name / so in love that I acted insane but that’s the way I loved you” 

hange zoe mean - from speak now

idk just gives hange vibes

like they would LOVE to scream this song and air out their frustrations yk?? esp season 4 exhausted hange 

but hange does things on their own terms!!! hence the song 

“I bet you got pushed around / somebody made you cold / but the cycle ends right now / cause you can’t lead me down that road”

mikasa ackerman - sad beautiful tragic from red

so, basically any song on red. like the urge to pick all too well for the scarf line was too powerful 

BUT I had to pick this one cuz it’s so eremika it hurts

my red baby she is just like me fr 

“and time / is taking it’s sweet time erasing you / and you’ve got your demons / and darling they all look like me / cause we had a beautiful magic love affair there / what a sad beautiful tragic love affair” 

sasha braus - new romantics from 1989 

similar to 1989, sasha is all vibes, no skips, no emo crap

so, I had to pick the highest energy, scream at the top of your lungs, stick your head out the window song WHICH was the new romantics, obv. 

but song is just good vibes, makes u wanna dance which is very sasha I feel 

“and every day is like a battle / but every night with us is like a dream / we are too busy dancing, to get knocked off of our feet / the best people in life are free” 

levi ackerman - look what you made me do from reputation 

duh. 

may I quote that one scene where levi promises to kill zeke for erwin? yeah? yeah. 

also just has the whole revenge, justice thing in his vibes idk 

“the world moves on another day, another drama drama / but not for me, not for me, all I think about is karma / and when the world moves on, there’s one thing for sure / maybe I got mine but you’ll all get yours” 

connie springer - death by a thousand cuts from lover 

ok so

picked this song cuz baby connie just KEEPS GETTING BETRAYED  

let him rest. leave him alone. let him keep his friends. 

also sasha connie coded sorry I just know he’s stuck on things like this - sasha, his mom, eren 

“cause I can pretend it’s okay when it’s not / saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts / but if the story’s over, why am I still writing pages?” 

armin arlert - this is me trying from folklore 

I don’t even have to explain this one

like rlly, I don’t 

“they told me all of my cages were mental / so I got wasted like all my potential / I just wanted you to know / that this is me trying” 

reiner braun - evermore ft. bon iver from evermore 

WOOP

evermore will be post-war reiner’s jam like he finally gets to have his peace after struggling for so long 

specifically the lyric change from “this pain would be for evermore” to “this pain wouldn’t be for evermore” bc reiner finally gets to live in peace 

eren yeager - you’re on your own kid from midnights 

was gonna pick anti-hero, because he, in fact, is the problem

but you’re on your own kid, just his SONG. 

“I looked around in a blood soaked gown and saw something they can’t take away / so make the friendship bracelets / take the moment and taste it / you’ve got no reason to be afraid / you’re on your own kid, you always have been”