#no bc my colleague is my age and it’s her first job and she told me she’s struggling and cant comprehend how i do it

[virgoevenus]

just discovered my purpose in my life (helping people my age just starting their “careers” feel okay with the pace they’re taking)

[fkinavocado]

I matched with this guy around my age on hinge. We lived in the same city and he was a teacher. We talked for some time and decided to meet up. And I was working at the same school (didn’t know at first). I was a teacher for an extracurricular so I didn’t always see every staff/teacher. Anyways we ran into each other one day at work and kinda just laughed off the coincidence. We became close friends first and he wanted a relationship but I wasn’t ready for that (past trauma I was working through but I only got on the app bc of friends). He was patient the entire time and never pushed me into sex etc. Then when I was ready we dated and it was amazing. Until he was leaving to go back to school for a higher degree, we talked about a long distance relationship and I was moving too bc my new job. Then I found out that he had a gf the entire time (since we met on the app) and he still had multiple dating apps bc even tho he was with me, his first gf, he was also hooking up with other girls. I broke up with him and haven’t heard from him since. Then randomly a few months ago I ran into his gf and she told me how she broke up with him too a month after I left him (she stayed with him btw when I first told her about his cheating bc she thought he loved her and said he was just using me for sex) Well the reason she broke it off with him for good was because HE WAS MARRIED. She found out through one of his colleagues, a friend of his wife. They’ve been married since college and from what I heard his wife just gives him multiple chances to “change”

NOOOOOOOO 🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

guys am i shooketh. SHOOKETH!!! the audacity on these men 😭😭😭 but hun this one takes the cake!!! a teacher no less!!!!!!!

[elvenbeard]

@connortheconceded​ I did not forget your questions! XD Finally have a minute to sit down and answer them properly, thanks so much for asking (and outing yourself XD)

As a quick summary of her background and what she’s up to in San Andreas at the moment: by day she’s a photographer for a local marketing company, by night she’s a private investigator in a small agency. She’s been a P.I. for almost a year now and ended up there completely by chance, literally by randomly meeting one of its founders and becoming friends with him. The two founders of the agency have long left the city, and Natascha and another P.I. have been running the thing in their absence, and the wish has been growing in Natascha to officially take over the lead, because working there feels like the ideal job. She’s a little bit of a jack of all trades, tried many things, has many random skills and knowledge that all come in handy there.

A couple of months ago a guy she didn’t know at the time made a posting looking for creative people for a “secret project” and, curious by nature, she replied and wanted to know what he was about. Turned out, he wanted to found a new design and marketing company and was looking for graphic designers and photographers, so she applied for the job... and almost simultaneously, this same guy applied at the detective agency to work there. And so it happened they became colleagues, he turned out be super good at being a P.I. too. Eventually they became good friends not only because of many shared interests, but also shared beliefs about what needed to change in the city. He said he considered her the only person he could trust 100%, which was something no one had told her before, so that was a big honor. Her friend also had big ambitions in everything he did and stood by his word, achieving many awesome feats that Natascha admired. But he also dared a lot, knew many people, many dangerous people, too, and eventually got into some serious trouble with criminals. In the end everything turned out well again, at least somewhat, but the events made him a little paranoid and disillusioned. Still though, the detective agency grew and was able to establish great connections, the marketing agency grew and Natascha built up upon her slightly neglected photography skills working there, all seemed well, life was good.

Then, when she came back to San Andreas after a short family visit back home in London, her friend and coworker who had a significant part in the success both these companies had had in the latest months, had suddenly left the city. No proper goodbye, but a secret message at least wishing her the best for the future. That was quite the blow and definitely ended an important chapter and arc in her life, and her friend is dearly missed on a personal and professional level still.

So yeh... I guess you could summarize GTA RP as a soap opera happening in real time :D Only that people die a little less frequently and rather randomly disappear or leave the city xD Although, deaths do happen as well from time to time. And alleged alien abductions, too... I promise, one day, should Natascha meet her demise or have to leave the city permanently, I’m gonna write a book about it all xD

Natascha drives a car as of now, but she’d love to have a motorcycle as well some day (but can’t decide which one :D my personal favourites are the Pegassi Bati and Dinka Akuma - the Bati was the first motorcycle I had in normal GTA Online, and the Akuma is just a really cool motorcycle that I first really got to know through the RP server, bc a friend at the time drove one XD). 

Natascha’s car is a black, completely basic BF Club that she bought used for 3,800$ a long while ago actually. She’s thinking about investing some money into tuning it, as it’s not the fastest car. She lives in Paleto Bay while most of her work activity happens in Los Santos, so that’s a lot of driving back and forth and sometimes it seems to take ages to get to the city :D For now though it’ll do, and she has no intentions of selling the car as it’s been a trusted companion for so long already! It’s actually the first car she ever owned, too. Also, few people would probably expect ulterior motives or anything from the inconspiciuous driver of a boring-ass plain beginner’s car... >:3c

[writingtoforgetreality]

I just want us to be safe – Chapter 1 (Andy Barber x Daughter!Reader)

Next Chapter / I just want us to be safe-Masterlist

Summary: You were the 20-year-old daughter of Andy Barber. Nine months after a one-night-stand, your biological mother decided to give the responsibility to him. Yet, you were happy with your small family. One day, though, a scary event occured & somehow you involuntarily started being a part of this.

Words: 2,089

Warnings: none just yet, maybe a bit of swearing bc that`s me, angst if you squint

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

You were (Y/N) Barber. Daughter of the assistent attorney, Andy Barber. You were 20 years old & used to attend Newton high school, like your younger brother Jacob did. Now, your background is a bit more complicated. Technically, Jacob was not your biological brother. Neither was Laurie, Jacob’s mother & Andy’s wife, your biological mother. Some time ago, when your dad had not been dating Laurie yet, he had a one-night-stand with some girl he had met at a bar. Just one night, he had not seen her after that encounter. What he did not know though: the girl got pregnant & nine months later, Andy found a small basket at his doorstep. There you were, wrapped in a blanket. There was a letter, too. Your biological mother had not been ready for a child but she knew Andy would handle you just fine. And, being the guy Andy was, he obviously took you in. You were his daughter to say the last. He made sure to take a paternity test & yep, you were his daughter.

Now, do not get me wrong, you grew up with Laurie being your mother & yet, you had never, not even once, called her “mom“. You simply did not feel ready to do so & neither your dad nor Laurie pushed you into something you were not comfortable with. When you were 6 years old, Jacob was born & ever since then, you had made sure to protect him at all costs. Your dad loved seeing you with Jacob & he loved the bond you two shared. Laurie was sure that you would be more open about her being your mother after that but nope. Your guess was that you still felt neglected by your biological mother & did not want to let another “mother figure“ get close to you. Your dad never lied to you about anything. He tried to explain to you from the very beginning how your biological mother “abandoned“ you & that Laurie was & will always be your mom. While Andy did not lie to you, the two of you had kept a secret from Jacob & Laurie. Your dad said that they did not need to know & he did not want them to see him in a different light. It was not his fault that his dad had been a criminal though. It was not his fault your grandfather killed, stabbed to be exact, a girl. He had been suffering for his actions in jail, for a very long time. You had agreed on keeping it for you, never doubting your dad. You knew he only had good intentions.

After graduating from Newton High, you got into law school near your home. You wanted to follow your dad’s footsteps. He did not force you to approach the same career & let you choose a path yourself. He would lie if he said that he was not proud of you for wanting to do the same as him though. Law school was absolutely amazing, you loved going there every day, loved coming home to tell the new things you learned at your dinner table. People say sometimes you know when a decision is right, you have a gut feeling about it. You were sure: this was YOUR way. Even though your family was quite wealthy, never having a problem about money whatsoever, you still wanted to have a part-time job during college. Earning your own money simply felt amazing. Your dad & Laurie were so proud of you for being so independent.

Here you were, a nice family, a house, the best future ahead. But life does not always roll that way, does it? Every time when Jacob had a problem in school or with homework, studying for an upcoming exam, he would knock on your door, waiting for you to yell “Come in! I told you there’s no need to knock, Jay.“ Jay. You always called him that. He was your little brother & while others called him “Jake“ or simply “Jacob“, you wanted to have something for yourself. Jay it was. Anyway, after coming into your room, asking if you were busy, the two of you always ended up doing school stuff together. It was more fun to have company & Jacob was always thankful for you helping him out. Of course you would, you never had a problem in high school, always bringing home good grades. You liked helping him wherever you could.

Your alarm woke you up at 6 am. Time to get up, get ready & head to college. Usually, dad would take you with him in the mornings since his work is close to your school. Today, though, you had to take your own car to drive to school, you had to work at your local diner afterwards. Yes, you did purchase that car on your own. After saving enough money, you decided on a small black car, not really caring too much about the brand. All that mattered was that it was not too pricey & that it worked. Of course your parents offered you to buy you that car but you wanted to do this on your own. And would you look at that, you managed to buy it without being broke. As you finished showering, putting makeup on & deciding on an outfit, you made your way downstairs where dad & Jacob were already seated. Laurie was most likely out on her daily morning run. You did not understand how someone could go jogging voluntarily. It kept you healthy but at what cost?

“G’morning male beings of this household.“ you greeted them & earned a chuckle from dad. You were not a morning person but that was not your family’s fault so you would brush off your grogginess in order not to say something you might regret later. Jacob was busy writing away on his phone. Gosh, this boy & his damned phone.

“Good morning, angel. How did you sleep?” your dad shot you a grin. He had been calling you “angel“ ever since you were little & you absolutely loved this nickname.

“Like a princess, as always.“ you answered. Some might say you were a sarcastic piece of shit & you know what, maybe they were right. You were a lot like your dad & you liked yourself & your goofiness. You could be serious when it was needed though, your personality was perfectly balanced.

“Hello? Earth to Jay?“ you waved your hand in front of his face to gain his attention but his eyes were glued on his screen still.

“Morning.“ was the only word you got out of him.

“Okay, what girl are you texting? Do I know her? Does she have an older sister? Brother, maybe? Is she hot?“ you teased him & Jacob sent you a glare which made you giggle.

“I’m just texting Derek.“ Jacob stated.

“Wow…And I thought I was the one who hated mornings.“ you stated, mostly to yourself but your dad heard you & started laughing. Even Jacob let out a low giggle.

While the three of you held a conversation, Laurie got back home, greeting you & asking you about your plans for today.

“Do I need to take any of you to school?“ dad asked.

“Um, actually, I’ll be driving myself today. I’ll be back home a bit later, gotta earn that bread, y’know?“ you smirked at both, your dad & Laurie to wait for their reactions. Seeing them laugh was one of your favorite things in this world, especially when you were the reason.

“Sure thing, just text me when you know how late it’ll be.“ dad waited for you to nod, looked at Jacob & asked “What about you, buddy?“

“I’ll be walking today.“

“You sure, you know it’s no probl-” but before dad could finish, Jacob cut him off.

“I’m fine with walking.“

“Okay, just be safe.“

Checking the time, you saw that you should keep going so you went over to dad & Laurie, gave each of them a kiss on the cheek, went over to Jacob, messed up his hair a bit which earned you a groan & finally made your way outside to your car. You hopped in, turned on the engine & started driving off. Every time you would drive yourself, you always stopped at Starbucks for a quick breakfast. Your breakfast mostly consisted of a nice coffee. No offense, but the coffee you got at home just was not it. And let’s be honest: Nobody survives college without having coffee.

Finishing all of you classes for the day, you & a few of your colleagues exited the building. Usually, when you were at college, you did not look at your phone at all, finding it too distracting when you had to focus on something else. But as soon as you unlocked your phone, you knew something was off. You had two calls from Jacob, which was weird since he barely ever called you, & 5 missed calls from dad. Fuck, something was not right. You excused yourself from your friend group, teling them you had to go to work earlier, while in reality, you moved to your car, opened it & got inside. As soon as you closed your door, you called Jacob first. He picked up almost immeadiately.

“(Y/N)? Thank god, I’ve tried calling you.“ he sounded a bit shaken up? That was off.

“Yeah, I know, sorry `bout that, Jay. You know how I ignore my phone during classes but anyway…What’s up? Are you okay?” you started growing concerned now.

“Newton High is locked down. Apparently they found a 14-year-old stabbed in the woods. I am fine though.“ his voice was quiet, almost like he did not want anyone else to hear. Your heart stopped a beat. There was a killer running around town. Who the hell would stab a teenager? Who the hell would stab anyone to begin with?

“Have you talked to dad yet?“ you really did not know what else to say. You were just glad your little brother was alright. That was all that mattered right now.

“Yes, he’s on it. He said he wanted to call you. Have YOU talked to him?“

“Not yet, I’ll call him now, just wanted to make sure you’re okay. Call me if something’s wrong or if you`re scared, okay?“ your heart was literally racing. Yeah, your brother was fine but the victim was his age & Jacob usually took the way through the woods to get to school. The mere thought of your brother being the one who had been murdered scared you like crazy.

“Will do. Thanks, (Y/N). Bye.“

“Bye, Jay.“ you ended the call & let yourself breathe for a moment. Not even once in your life did you think something like this could happen in your neighborhood. You lived in one oft he safest areas in the country & yet this brutal event had happened so close to home. The world was a scary place. A few minutes later, after calming down as good as it was possible, you dialed dad’s number. He would most likely knew more. To be honest, you were not sure if you really wanted to know more about this case but on the other hand,you were curious. Of course you were, you wanted to do this as your future job. His phone rang twice before he picked up.

“(Y/N)? Angel?“ he did not sound scared, just relieved to hear your voice.

“Yeah, it’s me, dad. I’m fine, talked to Jay. He told me what happened. Well, as much as he knew, of course. What the hell is going on?“ you were rambling. You always were when you grew nervous or anxious.

“Breathe, angel. Look, there’s a lot going on. Could you come home, like, right now? I called your boss, she said it was fine if you took the evening off.“ he knew you would say you needed to go to work so he had called the diner you worked at to explain the situation.

“I’ll be home in ten.“

“Drive safe.“ your dad always made sure you were okay, trying to protect you as much as he could. He would do everything for his family to be safe.

“Always.“ & with that, you ended the call. Everthing inside you screamed to go over the speed limit but your dad’s words popped into your mind again. He would not want this. You would survive another ten minutes before coming home.

~to be continued~

Published 04/30/2020 by Cathy

[falloutmelody]

“She’s the prettiest girl at the party, and she can prove it with a solid right hook”- Natasha Romanoff x reader

(GIF IS NOT MINE, FULL CREDIT TO THE PERSON WHO MADE IT!)

WARNINGS: None! This is meant to be set just after the events of the first Avengers but before Winter Soldier bc I felt like it fitted in best then! Also, the reader is supposed to be a sibling of Bruce Banner, as the requester asked for the reader to be a sibling of an Avenger, and I felt like Bruce worked best! This isn’t meant to attack those who ship Nat x Bruce, btw! I had a female reader in mind whilst writing this, but it’s gender neutral, so anyone can enjoy!

REQUESTED BY: anonymous! Thank you for being my second request, I hope you like it! Natasha is my favourite MCU character and has been for years, so I’m very hyped to write for her! Also, repeat it with me, NATASHA DESERVED BETTER THAN WHAT HAPPENED IN ENDGAME.

WORD COUNT: 2005! Again, I had a lot of ideas for this, so I managed to write a lot!

Requests are still 100% open! You can find my fandom list and rules here, and you can request here! Feel free to send me any requests you desire!

It was a cold Tuesday morning. The view out the window before you seem to reflect that fact, as you watched distant, unfamiliar people dashing quickly back and forth several miles below you. You’d observed that SHIELD personnel seemed to always have a strange way of walking with purpose, regardless of what the actual task was, and you weren’t entirely sure if you admired that ability or if it made you uncomfortable. Perhaps it was somewhere in the middle.

What were you doing here? The summoning letter and the person that had driven you over here hadn’t been the most forthcoming with information. Nor had the countless people that had vetted you before you’d been allowed to even set foot inside SHIELD HQ. You supposed you understood the need for security, given what this building was home to, but given how secretive everything was, you didn’t understand why they’d taken the risk in reaching out to you in the first place.

Yes, you missed your brother. Of course you did. Honestly, you couldn’t even remember the last time you saw him, it had been years ago, before everything had gone… wrong. The idea of reuniting with him was the sole reason you’d agreed to go through the solid, stressful months of SHIELD analysis and observation. You just… ugh, you didn’t know. The stress of that moment, and all the emotions you were experiencing in that moment were messing with your brain.

And then, in a single moment, all of your rambling, messy thoughts were silenced.

“Y/N?”

Your head quickly turned in the direction of the voice, your whole body soon following suit. There he was. Slightly dishevelled and tired looking, but still your brother. A warm smile immediately spread across your lips as you met his gaze, however, you fought the urge to run to him as you didn’t want to startle him.

“Hi, Bruce.” You finally responded to his greeting. For a few moments, neither of you seemed to know what to do, as you both stood completely still, awkwardly looking at each other. Eventually, however, you caved in, and made the first move, slowly making your way over to him. Your movements were intentionally slow. You’d lost count of the amount of times that you’d been warned not to emotionally overwhelm your brother, given what often happened when that occurred, you just… you supposed in that moment, you just couldn’t help yourself.

Upon reaching him, you very, very gently embraced him, an action which seemed to catch Bruce off-guard as he didn’t immediately return or reject the gesture. “It’s really good to see you again,” you spoke quietly, not wanting your sibling’s awkward personality to ruin the moment. However, you only allowed the hug to linger for a few moments, soon beginning to slowly pull away. You went to talk as you did so, realising that there was so much that you needed to catch up on.  

“So, I’m guessing this is the infamous Y/N?” A female voice caused you to quickly close your mouth and silence yourself, glancing over your shoulder in the direction of the voice. Stood there, a short distance away was a redhaired woman that it took you a few moments to mentally place.

Stood before you was the Black Widow.

You’d watched so many hours of news footage of the battle of New York since it had happened that you were genuinely surprised that it had taken you so long to recognise her. But, being stood there before her in real life, your brain couldn’t help but register just how beautiful she was. You were sure you were far from the first person to have that thought cross your mind, but still, she rendered you momentarily speechless as Natasha slowly made her way closer to both you and Bruce.

You finally regained the ability to snap yourself out of your appreciative thoughts when she got closer to you, forcing yourself to swallow down the nervous lump that had formed in your throat. Thankfully though, Natasha didn’t seem terribly phased by your response, because there was no way that she hadn’t picked up on it. If anything, it was the opposite, as a slightly coy, amused smile momentarily formed on her expression as she soon finally came to a stop, just in front of you. A couple of seconds passed, wherein you frantically tried to find your voice, finally managing to speak up. “U-Uh, yep. That’s me. It’s nice to meet you,” you stumbled over your words somewhat as anxiety once again got the better of you, something that only made the amused smile on Natasha’s expression grow somewhat.

Thankfully, Bruce took this moment to interject, something which caused a soft rush of gratitude to rush through you. “Y/N, this is Natasha. One of my…” Bruce began to talk, but soon trailed off, which you presumed was due to him not knowing what exact label to give the woman. You supposed they were technically colleagues, given that they both worked on the same team, but perhaps your brother was too hesitant to use that label. You had no idea, you weren’t actually in the Avengers, so how were you to know what the dynamic was actually like?

“Yeah. Yeah, I’ve seen her on the news,” you softly took over from your sibling. Should you have said that? Would you now come across as creepy? You hadn’t intended it to, you’d just wanted to save your brother from floundering for his words for ages as you had just done.

“Nice to finally put a face to the stories,” Natasha continued, her attention still seemingly being solely on you. Her words took you aback somewhat. Presumably that meant that Bruce had mentioned you at some point in time, but you hadn’t been expecting that. But that was a nice thought, the idea that your brother had continued to mention and think of you, despite how separate you’d become in recent years due to everything that had happened with him. The confusion that had momentarily crossed over your expression at her words earned a small scoff of amusement from Natasha, before she once again continued to speak. “So, let me guess, you’re the knowledgeable type too, huh?” You weren’t entirely sure from her tone if her words were a question or a statement of what her impression of you was from what Bruce had told her, and so, you momentarily stayed silent as you tried to scramble up an answer that wouldn’t make you come across as being either cocky or an idiot.

“Um. Maybe. Kinda depends on your definition of knowledgeable. I know some things. Definitely don’t have seven PhDs though,” you spoke in your best attempt at a playful tone, giving a quick glance back in your brother’s direction to make it clear that was who you were referencing.

Natasha gave a small nod at your response. “I’m sure you’re more intelligent than you make yourself out to be. Fury doesn’t just request for people to be brought in for no reason.” Her oddly motivational words earned a genuine smile from you, as you soon gave a small shrug of your shoulders.

“Well, hopefully, I’ll get a chance to prove you right.” There you go. There was the confidence that you’d been badly looking for throughout this whole conversation. Nice of it to return once you’d gotten towards the end of the conversation, huh?

Once again, a look of amusement formed on the redhead’s expression, that coy smile appearing on her lips for a second time. “Well, I look forward to getting a chance to see that. Now, if you don’t mind, I have places to be.” Of course, you didn’t object to this, even though you did want to continue talking to her. Given what her job was, she probably had something important to be getting on with, something dangerous. Thus, you stayed quiet for a few moments, allowing her to walk around you and make it a few steps down the corridor before you mustered up the courage to call a goodbye after her.

“It was really nice to meet you, Natasha.” Your simple goodbye caused the redhead to briefly stop in her tracks once more, with her soon turning back to look at you. For a brief moment, you could have sworn that a genuine smile with a hint of real warmth formed on Natasha’s expression as she met your gaze.

“You too, Y/N. I’ll see you around,” she returned the farewell, giving a small nod before she turned back around once more and continued to walk off in the direction that she’d been heading in. Then, just as suddenly as she had arrived, she was gone from sight. However, despite her not being physically there, her effect on you didn’t immediately fade. The sound of your heart, which was racing at an absurdly fast rate, continued to echo up into your ears, and you soon anxiously pushed your slightly sweat-dampened hands into your pockets.

“Y/N? Are you alright?” And, just like that, you were once again snapped back into reality by your brother’s voice. Hoping that you hadn’t been staring at the end of the corridor for a creepy amount of time, you soon turned back to face Bruce, giving him a small nod in response to his question.

“Ye…“ You soon cut yourself off, needing a quick moment to clear your throat. “Yeah, yeah! I’m okay. Just a little starstruck, I wasn’t expecting to run into another Avenger today. Am I gonna run into Captain America today too?” Your words were playful, obviously intended to make your attraction to the female not seem obvious. Not that your brother was the type to playfully tease you for having a crush, or at least, he hadn’t been when you’d last seen him, but still. You didn’t want to make things awkward for him by making it clear that you found one of his co-workers attractive. You were supposed to be here to see him after all, that was why you’d agreed to be dragged here.

Bruce’s expression seemed to suggest that he didn’t entirely buy this explanation, as his face briefly scrunched up in confusion, but unsurprisingly, he chose not to question it. Instead, he merely nodded, allowing his expression to somewhat relax. “Okay,” he replied simply, softly smiling at you for a moment. “Um, I’m not busy at the moment, so do you wanna go find a place for us to talk? It’s been a while.” A soft but brief laugh momentarily escaped your lips at that understatement, before you soon nodded in agreement with his idea. You stayed still for a moment, allowing your brother to start walking and thereby lead the way to wherever he wanted to take you. Before you did so, however, you just couldn’t help yourself. You took a quick moment to once again glance back in the direction that Natasha had disappeared into, before quickly turning on your heel and walking quickly in order to catch up with your brother, the SHIELD agent that had been assigned to watch over you that had, until now been stood a short distance away, soon following after the pair of you. That didn’t bother you too much though, you knew they were just doing their job.  

As you walked with your sibling, you found yourself hoping that Natasha’s parting words to you would turn out to be accurate. Whilst, of course, you were hoping that this event gave you a chance to properly reconnect with your brother, you couldn’t deny that more than a small part of you was looking forward to possibly getting a chance to see a certain redhaired agent once again, and getting another chance to have a longer conversation with her.

And perhaps, just perhaps, although you didn’t want to get your hopes up, you could possibly one day be friends. Or maybe, if you were extremely lucky, maybe a little bit more than that. 

Only time would tell.

AN: And I’m gonna end it there! Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed! As mentioned above, my requests are still 100% open, so feel free to send me any requests if you have them! 

Hope you’re all having a good day, and I’ll see you all next time!

[ctl-yuejie]

Cat Got Your Tongue (read on ao3)

TayNew Part 2 of Cat!New (Part 1) twitter prompt by @.taynewstuff:

au where new is a creature that turns from human to cat form, he’s lost on the streets when tay finds him and takes him home inside his hoodie bc it’s freezing outside, next thing tay knows there’s a whole man sleeping on his sofa where he left the cat the night before.

3.1 k

Almost a month has past before they see each other again.

It’s the grand opening night of the Iconsiam shopping mall and Tay pushes through the crowd that has gathered in front of the big central stage. The owners didn’t shy away from expenses, having invited several k-pop stars to headline the event. Now he knows why Alice told him to arrive early. Having to fight for a good spot against squealing teenagers will take its time. The girl standing next to him seems to get dragged down by the weight of her photography equipment, some of it looking so professional that Tay almost feels inadequate for bringing only one of his cameras. At least the silliness of it all already promises great entertainment.

With polite bows but determined steps he makes his way through the crowd opting for a spot closer to the speaker’s desk. Satisfied with the view he has of the stage Tay turns around to see if Alice has already arrived at the venue. Luckily everyone around him is much shorter, but neither Alice nor her manager are to be seen. Although... Far in the back a familiar head stands out to him from the crowd. With a shake of his head New tries to bring his bangs in order, using his fingers to push some unruly strands of hair to one side. Tay sends him a smile, but he knows it’s in vain. They’re too far apart, New not looking into his direction and he himself unable to move without giving up his spot. They had exchanged numbers that day, but after they had parted they’d only messaged each other once to set up a date for New to return the clothes he borrowed.

However they both had been busy and the exchange never happened. Additionally to being swamped with work Tay thought that it was only appropriate to give New the time and space to figure out his situation so he didn't press on with the matter. In the end they had gone a month now without talking.

Before he realises it New’s head vanishes into the crowd. Tay dejectedly turns around and decides to take some practice shots of the stage. If he’s lucky, New might stick around long enough for them to meet after the event.

The opening itself is grand to say the least, Alice routinely leading through the evening announcing one star after the other. After the last concert is over everyone pours into the surrounding stores and soon the space around the stage is completely cleared out. Taking a look around Tay is searching for what must have been New but none of the faces around him look familiar. A sudden thought comes to his mind. He lowers his gaze and takes another look around. Looks like New hasn't turned into a cat again. At least not tonight.

A hand on his shoulder startles him and he turns around do be greeted by the blinding smile of Alice. A group of elderly men waiting in the distance, most likely to guide her to the after party. "Will you join me?", she asks and without waiting for an answer pulls him over and introduces him to what must be the sponsors of the event. Tay politely introduces himself. His "just a photographer" earns him a playful slap, Alice correcting him immediately. "His name is quite well-known in the business, although his work focuses on landscapes." More people join and soon Tay is surrounded by investors, celebrities and politicians who all can't leave the chance out to be seen. The after-show itself is quite tasteful despite the grandeur and he finds himself enjoying the evening, taking the chance to network and connect with old work colleagues. He politely turns down a glass of champagne and the waitress moves out of the way when another distinguished man joins his group. Tay wais to the elderly man who turns out to be a professor of his alma mater. Despite having graduated from a different department, they're quite quickly engaged in exchanging the latest news on Chulalongkorn. After all the business talk the conversation is like a breath of fresh air. The camera around his neck piques the man's interest. It turns out that his department does research on food engineering, 'more of an art than a science' the professor says and he's quite eager to see the pictures Tay took during the event. Humming in satisfaction he offers Tay to hire him next time. "We do cooperate with food companies to not only enhance the products themselves but also to make them more aesthetically pleasing. Art is a science but science is also an art. For the aesthetic aspects we need a professional eye." Tay nods politely. The elderly man gives him an understanding look. "You said your focus was on landscapes, but I quite like your style and your friend told me you do different orders as well. One of my doctorates is focused on sweets and looking for someone to take pictures. If you don't mind I'd like to share your info with him." Tay smiles. "Sure. It is true that I have my professional scope, but it's always fun to branch out. Make hay as the sun shines*." The professor gives him a pleased nod, patting his breast pocket where he put his business card holder with Tay's contact information.

"Professor!", a baritone voice calls out and Tay's ears tingle at the sound. Turning around he sees New, dressed in a simple suit wai-ing respectfully to his professor and in turn towards the other people in their group. Tay has to suppress a laugh at the expression New makes when he finally lifts his head after the last bow to find himself looking at Tay. New's eyes widen and he seems lost for words, nevertheless pleased to see Tay.

The professor however seems to be adamant to finish his conversation with Tay first, beckoning New to join the other men and to make new contacts. Tay doesn't really listen to the rest of what the professor is saying, eyes flitting to New, who seems very awkward and clumsy at making small-talk, the conversations around him slowly but surely quieting down. One after the other the group disperses, leaving New no choice but to half-dejectedly stand on his own, not sure whether it is okay to interrupt Tay and his professor. Their eyes meet, New immediately looking down, evading him. "I was about to set you two up but now that you're here you can ask him for his number yourself." The professor encouragingly waves at New to step closer. "He's a photographer.", he explains, says his goodbyes to Tay and vanishes into the crowd. New visibly relaxes.

"I thought he was about to set us up." New sighs. "What are you doing here and how did you get to know my professor?" "I'm here to take pictures for a friend. The professor is someone I just met. I had no idea he was your doctorate supervisor?" "You just met him?" Tay raises his eye-brows. "You seemed to be quite chummy." "Maybe you're just not good with small-talk." Tay isn't sure whether their relationship is at a stage where he's allowed to tease New. New sighs again. "He said that you're in need of a photographer?" "Ah, that's what he meant with setting us up. Yes, I do. But I can always ask someone else." Tay feels dejected even when he knows it probably wasn't meant that strongly. "My thesis is on the nutritional issues of consuming fats and sugars. My work is to present general strategies for substituting fats and sugars in baked products. For my paper I need pictures of finished products." "I could...unless...", Tay doesn't know why he isn't able to just offer his service. Or why he feels like he wants to do this job despite it being out of his scope, making him most likely not the best candidate. Instead he opts for a question. "Do you know many photographers?" "I'm not really close with any, but I model as a part-time job so I could definitely ask around." New's eyes look unsure. As if he caught himself boasting and is now embarrassed. Why would he feel embarrassed in front of him? New is quite tall. Maybe not runway tall, but Tay could definitely see him as a model. In his mind he thinks about what angles New would look best from and what light would compliment his skin the most. Maybe he models for swim-wear. Tay fidgets with the strap of his camera. "Is that the reason you do your research on healthy sweets? So you can eat them even when modelling?" Half-curios, half-teasingly. "Not really. I work-out enough to compensate for all the calories. I'm more interested in the health-aspects." New finds it surprisingly easy to talk to Tay. "I'm quite the expert on healthy foods." "Then do you want to try some of my cake some time?" "Not much of a sweets person." Now it's New's turn to feel rejected. "But, I'd try some." Tay quickly adds. "It must be nice to do your research on such a fulfilling subject." New laughs at his bad wordplay. Tay is pretty sure by now that he’d likes to hang out more with New. "I like the math's aspect of it. But I'm not sure if I want to work in that area. The cake is a plus though." New smiles at him, eyes vanishing and Tay can feel his heart beating against his chest.

"Then you should try some of the cake that's making the rounds right now!" Alice hollers, joining their conversations. She seems to be quite tipsy. Tay introduces them and after getting nagged to send her the pictures of tonight's event first thing in the morning she curiously eyes New. "We're getting cake", she yells back before pulling New with her. When Tay catches up New is sitting at a big round table surrounded by several people their age, plate full of different small pieces of patisseries. He's happily munching on one of the pieces but Tay can see that he's slightly uncomfortable being surrounded by the group of unknown showbiz people. Before he can head-over to save him someone grabs his arm. Looks like all drama and theatre graduates have joined the event and soon Tay gets swamped by old school-friends, everyone excitedly discussing their newest works and throwing fits over pictures Tay still owes them. One look over his shoulder and he can see that New has vanished.

The Chula crowd moves on to the next table and Tay exhaustedly sits down on the chair New has left vacant. "He'll be back." Alice encourages him, but New remains nowhere to be seen.

Tay is about to get up and leave, angry at himself for leaving New alone and losing him when a small cat jumps into his lap. After recovering from the initial shock, he nudges the cat’s head reprovingly. "I’ll put a collar on you, so you don't run away next time." Cat New has amazing instincts when it comes to finding Tay’s weak spots and it head-butts his neck in retaliation. “Don't touch my neck.”, Tay hisses, but he carefully cradles the cat in his arms, making sure that they’re not getting too much attention and starts to look for New's clothes. New’s small paws tap his hands on occasion to steer him in the right direction and finally he can make out New’s suit, his shoes, and a clutch underneath a group of bushes. Luckily the light is dimmed and no one pays attention to the photographer with a cat and a suit in his arms. Tay, guided by New, takes them both back to the garage. Fishing the keys out of the pocket of New’s pants he places cat New on the back seat, arranging his clothes around him. Not knowing what to do he opens the passenger door, sits down and goes through the pictures he has shot, hoping that New will turn back soon. Tay is sorting the pictures in his head, thinking about how to edit them later on when human New puts his chin on his shoulder. Tay jumps at the contact and New laughs.

It seems like the time has come to broach the subject. “Are you okay?” New puts his chin back on Tay’s shoulder, looking at the pictures on the display in Tay’s lap while he talks. “Hmmm. I don’t turn that often into a cat anymore, most of the time it’s after I’ve taken a nap. Recently I’ve even been able to turn back into a human at will.” The puffs of his breath tingle against Tay’s neck with each word that leave his lips. Tay finds himself unable to concentrate on much of what New is saying. “I still have no idea why I turn at all.” New leans back after a long sigh escapes him which sends Tay into overdrive. “Can I drive you back?”, New asks while stuffing his shirt back into his slacks. Tay hums in affirmation, still trying to calm himself down. After fixing his outfit New gets into the driver’s seat and starts the engine. The air from the air-conditioner is on full blast and Tay gets a face full of stale air into his face. He knows he must have looked funny when New tries hard not to smile. Going into a giggling fit about his own stupidity he finally calms his heart down. They decide to head for Chidlom first to fetch Tay’s clothes from New’s apartment. Tay relaxes against the backrest, glancing at New on occasion who seems to be immersed into driving. "Do you know who sang at the opening? The American? She has a great voice." Tay tries to remember the name. The car comes to a halt in front of a red light. "You mean Alecia Key's? She's really famous." New looks back at him and their eyes meet. Without saying anything they just sit like that. Tay feels like he’s losing ground, staring into New’s round, dark eyes. A car honking behind them alerts them to the light turning green and Tay turns his head to look out of the window. "Well, her music was nice." New reaches for the stereo, blindly entering the letters and a song from today’s evening fills the car. They spend the drive singing her songs, Tay not quite confident in his voice humming under his breath. New seems to have forgotten all awkwardness between them, singing louder with each song. His voice is low and a warm feeling spreads through Tay’s chest.

New’s apartment looks like a mess. Tay wades through convenience store bags filled with trash and piles of clothes before settling on the only empty spot on the sofa. New doesn’t seem to be embarrassed at all, making his way to the bathroom to retrieve Tay’s clothes. It doesn’t take long, but when he comes back Tay’s head has lolled against his chest and he’s fast asleep.

“Tay, Tay...” New shakes him softly by the shoulders. Tay’s scrunches his face when he fights to open his eyes. The clock on the wall tells him that it’s already way past midnight. He has been up and working for most of the day, his energy finally seeming to have run out. “I’ll get a cap.” He yawns. “I’ll drive you.” Tay shakes his head, both to get rid of the sleepiness and to stop New from grabbing his car keys again. “You’d have to drive back and forth and it’s already late.” Instead of standing up he remains seated on the edge of the sofa in a daze. He’s not fully awake and despite the messiness New’s apartment makes him feel at ease and oh so tired. “You can sleep here, if you want to.” New’s voice sounds unsure. Tay tries to lift his head to see if the look on New’s face is sincere, but he can already feel his eyelids getting heavier and it takes up all his energy to stay awake. He nods and turns to lie down on the sofa. His head collides painfully with a pile of books. Newwiee laughs at his misery, pulling him back up again and guiding him to his bedroom.

The room feels much warmer than the living room. Not caring about anything in his sleepy stupor Tay strips down to his underwear and faceplants onto one side of the bed. The sheets smell nice and a satisfied grin forms on his face. Tay is about to drift off when the bed dips on the other side, New carefully lying down. Tay cracks one eye open but in the darkness he can only make out the general outline of New’s body. However the puffs of air on his forehead make it clear that New must lie down facing him. “New?” New grumbles in response, feeling quite sleepy. It gets silent in the room. Just the short puffs of air against his skin. New’s minty breath is tantalizing. Tay reaches out with one hand, fumbling in the dark until he reaches New’s chin, carefully framing his face with his hand. It might be the sleepiness. Or the fuzzy feeling that still lingers after unexpectedly seeing New in the crowd today. Whatever it is, for a moment it sweeps away all his restraint. Tay’s thumb draws slow circles on New’s cheek. Head devoid of any rational thought and his nose full of New’s scent he stretches his neck, their noses bumping into each other before he softly kisses New’s lips. Tay draws back and waits, hand still holding onto New’s face. In the distance he can hear the minute hand of the clock moving to the next line. Then there’s a hand on his back, pulling him closer and New’s lips on his. He breathes in a mouth full of mint, his lungs hurting as New insists on not breaking their kiss. It’s chaste but expectant and Tay slowly moves his lips against New’s savouring the sweet taste. New whines when Tay breaks away so he places a few soft kisses to the corner of New’s mouth before he lets his head sink right next to New’s into the cushion. Before he can register that New’s breathing has evened out Tay has already drifted off to sleep.

Tay wakes up to a cat sleeping on his face and effectively blocking his airway. He jolts up, the fluffy white ball getting flung to the lower end of the bed. “New!!”

*(น้ำขึ้นให้รีบตัก) - When the water rises, hurry to get some

[xmenimagine]

Imagine: Roadworks.

Requested by Anon. Includes: Alex Summers x Reader. Request: • Can I please request Alex Summers taking female reader out on their first date after secretly being in love with her for ages? And it’s just super fluffy? If you’re taking requests.. and thank you so much! • Could you please, if you don’t mind do Peter or Alex falls in love with a widowed single mother with a 6 year old daughter with lots of fluff? Thank you so much! (I’m not sure if I’ve already sent this in or not 🙈)

Note: I haven’t been writing for a while bc of uni, but I managed to find time to write this. sorry if it's not exactly what you wanted, but I hope you enjoy it.

    He was thankful that there was a diversion on his way to work that day. His usual commute to work consisted of walking passed the same replicated buildings with a white exterior, black doors, black windowsills, and black steps leading up to the doors, and the same neatly trimmed trees that were plotted every ten steps. Everything looked the same, and quite honestly, Alex was beginning to lose his sanity if he had to walk down the same road there and back with his thermos in his hand, his suit done up, his bag over his shoulder as he counted down the hours before he would eat his repetitive lunch of a sandwich, a piece of fruit, and another cup of coffee before he walked back into the building for another few hours before Cheryl, ultimately, like goddamn clockwork, came around and told him he had to work overtime. Oh, how he loathed Cheryl—the woman at the desk with the low-cut, designer shirts and tight pencil-skirts, with those black high heels, my god those heels that would do your head in, the constant clicking was almost as bad as the man next his desk who talked on his phone to his girlfriend in Mexico from the moment he sat down at his desk to the moment he got up and switched to his personal phone.

    Alex sighed to himself loudly, pinching the bridge of his nose as he continued walking. The only thing he could stand on his way to work was the colours of the leaves, the ones that were changing to a deep red before they drifted to the ground, only to be picked up by the workers who came around every day to clean the roads. His long, blond hair was tied back, which he was thankful for as the wind wasn't forgiving, neither was Malcolm—the tech support guy who looked like a stereotypical character, with the hair gelled back, the ugly yellow button-up shirt tucked into his even uglier, not exactly brown but you know they are, brown pants that didn't fit the length of his lanky legs. It also didn't help that his glasses were thick-rimmed and the prescription was so strong that Alex had to bite back the comments that consisted of asking Malcolm if he just stuck two magnifying glasses to his face. He always had those two stupid pens in his shirt pocket, and somehow an entire maths set too. He also had a patterned tie designated to a certain day of the week. Alex wasn't a fan, but neither was Malcolm with Alex.

    As he removed his hand away from his face he looked back up to the pavement and saw that, along the two pavements and road, there was a barrier. There were workers in bright orange helmets and vests with worker boots that stood around, Alex felt out of place in his three-piece suit and shiny, black, lace-up dress shoes. He paused, furrowing his eyebrows, in the middle of the pavement. One of the workers patted his colleague's shoulder and the other one turned around before he approached Alex.

    "Sorry, Sir. Roadworks. Might take a few days, a week at most. It's pretty bad, but, uh, there's a road just down there,"—he pointed to Alex's right, towards a small road—"that you can take. Sorry for the inconvenience."

    "No, that's uh," Alex started with a sigh, checking his watch, "I was going to be early anyway. Thanks for letting me know."

    Before the man could say anything else, Alex continued down the smaller road. His go-to stress sign was running his hand through his hair, but he couldn't do that right now. Well, he could, but he'd look like he had a bird trapped in his hair, and he'd rather not give Malcolm something to comment on as he walked into the office. Alex was sure to deck Malcolm in the face the day he quit. Maybe put Cheryl in her place, tell her to get the stick out of her ass too while he was at it. But sadly, that day wasn't today. More stress piled on top of Alex when he turned out of the road and heard children yelling and playing. He was directed straight into a park, granted a well-kept and fairly spacious park.

    On one side, the side that started at the back of the houses, was a flat grass area with a few benches towards the middle by the winding path, just opposite the colourful gated area where the children's playground was. Alex shifted the weight of his bag on his shoulder and walked down the path. He forced a smile at those that passed and offered him one, only really smiling at the dogs that walked passed with their owners, laughing to himself as their tails wagged faster. The grass area had a few dogs running around, their owners throwing frisbees and some teenagers huddled together smoking. He rolled his eyes at them. That shit will kill ya. He turned back, walking with his head up high, just waiting for the day to be over so he could go back home, order a pizza and side, maybe even a drink that wasn't coffee or beer, lounge in his sweats and old college hockey shirt, a game he still enjoys but no longer plays, there's no time, while watching old episodes of Bob's Burgers, maybe Parks and Rec, only occasionally watching something else like the news or some other sports that he'd get bored of in a matter of minutes.

    Then, faintly, he heard something. At first, he thought his mind just wanted to hear it, but he could hear the same voice that kept him up most nights, thinking, over at the playground. He turned his head, slowing down his walk, and he spotted you, standing at the climbing frame with your daughter. You lived in the same apartment complex as him and the same floor, luckily for him, too. Your bedrooms were next to each other, and he would often hear your soft voice on the phone, talking to someone about God knows what. He would often be returning from a jog when you got back from shopping with your little girl, he'd offer to help you, but you were determined to get it done by yourself, but he insisted, so you would have to settle with him looking after your little girl on the landing as you made two or three trips down the stairs—the elevator hasn't been fixed in a few years.

    He didn't know much about the father, only that he wasn't in the picture. He would never admit it to anyone, especially not Scott, but when he sat against the wall, waiting with your daughter next to him for you to return, something just seemed… right? He wasn't sure what he felt when he saw you walking up the stairs with two or four bags in your hands, your messy hair falling in front of your face, smiling shyly at him as you thanked him for waiting, remind him that he didn't have to, but, it was something he began to long for. When you and your daughter would disappear into your apartment he would stay outside for a few extra seconds before slowly backing up to his door. Only once did he walk back too far and almost fell into the fake potted plant in the corner.

    Alex snapped out of it when he heard your daughter call his name loudly. He blinked, cursing himself for stopping to stare, and smiled over at her before his gaze moved onto you. The small wave you sent him had him lifting his arm up shyly to wave back. Your daughter called out to him again as she stood at the edge of the climbing frame in front of the pole the kids slid down, pretending to be firefighters. Alex smiled faintly as you waved him over. He pushed open the small yellow gate and walked in, making sure not to get in the way of any of the other children that ran around.

    "Hey there," Alex spoke to your daughter.

    "Hi," she grinned, holding onto the pole, but not moving any further.

    "She's too scared to get down," you informed him and your daughter stopped smiling and glared at you.

    "Am not," she argued.

    "Then why are you still up there?" You teased.

    Alex laughed to himself and placed his thermos down, then took his bag from his shoulders. "I'll rescue the princess," he said with a chuckle.

    Your daughter grinned, shuffling her feet as she removed her hands from the pole and to Alex's shoulders while he wrapped his arms around her, lifting her up and off the frame. He kept her in his arms, smiling, as she wrapped her smaller arms around his shoulders, smiling widely at you herself.

    "You're a menace," you teased, poking her stomach before kissing her cheek gently.

    "A what?" She asked, tilting her head.

    Alex chuckled. "Trouble," he told her.

    "Oh." Your daughter tried to hide a smile and tried to bite back a laugh, turning her head away.

    "What's so funny now?" You asked.

    "'Now'?" Alex repeated with a raised eyebrow.

    "She's been doing this the whole morning," you said, shaking your head. "I have no idea why."

    "I've been doing no such thing," your daughter giggled to herself, beginning to squirm in Alex's arms.

    He set her down and she ran off to the seesaw, beginning to chat with two other girls and a little boy while Alex picked up his bag and thermos again, still standing next to you. "I don't usually see you walk this way," you spoke up.

    Alex turned his attention away from your daughter and to you, watching as you crossed your arms and kept a close eye on her. "What? Oh, right!" You side eyed him quickly before looking away again. "Roadworks and I left earlier than usual. I was hoping to get in and maybe start the reports before Andrew gets in."

    "He's the phone guy, right?"

    He chuckled, grinning to himself, feeling… happy? that you knew who Andrew was, especially since he told you about him almost five months ago. "Yeah, the phone guy."

    "How does he still have a job?" You mumbled to yourself.

    "What about you? Do you always come here at this time?"

    With a sigh, you shook your head. "No, I haven't exactly slept yet. I called in sick to work because I knew I wouldn't focus, and she didn't have school today so, here we are. I know, I know, a stupid mum thing to do. Irresponsible and childish. I already got that speech from my mum."

    "You haven't slept yet?" He asked, not saying anything about your parenting skills.

    "No," you replied, shaking your head.

    "Are both of you okay?"

    "Yeah. She's fine."

    "The question was including you, too." Alex heard you sigh quietly. "Coffee?" He held his thermos to you. You nodded your head and took it from him, unscrewing the lid before taking a sip. "Now, are you okay?"

    "Yeah, it's just… Starting to go out on dates again is proving to be difficult and stressful."

    "Dates?"

    "I don't particularly want to be single for the rest of my life, raising a child I had at a young age, who I had with a boy I got married to when I was far too young to understand how stupid I was," you replied.

    He nodded his head. "What happened, if you don't mind me asking?"

    "It's fine." You shrugged. "I was meant to go on a date yesterday, with a guy I met at a coffee shop, I'm not sure if what happened was a sign that I shouldn't date guys from coffee shops or if I should stop going to coffee shops in general, maybe it was about dating, I… I'm getting off topic." Alex smiled lightly, almost wincing. "But, anyway, when he showed up… I'm not sure if he ignored me when I told him I had a daughter, or maybe he just thought I was joking, but whatever it was, when I asked him to just wait a minute for the babysitter to arrive, he began to make an excuse as to why he couldn't go on the date. I asked him what was wrong, and it was at that point when she came up to the door behind me and wrapped her arms around my leg, staring up at him sadly, that he said he didn't want baggage and just left. I had to cancel the babysitter, change out of that stupid dress, that I'm going to burn because I can almost see the words 'I don't want that type of baggage' on it and I just… He said that in front of my child, Alex. He actually had the audacity to say that in front of my baby, like she…"

    "I still have my college hockey stick, how about I beat him to death with it?" Alex suggested when he heard you trail off, wrapping your hands tightly around the thermos.

    A small hum left your lips. "Tempting."

    Alex smiled lightly, and then his heart began to race, his hand began to twitch. He wanted to mess with his hair just to distract himself. "H-How about I take you out for dinner tonight, to make up for his mistake instead? She can come with us." He motioned his head towards your daughter who was now sharing one side of the seesaw with the little boy while the other two girls shared the other.

    Slightly stunned, you turned your head from your daughter and looked up at him. "What?"

    "Oh, would you look at the time." Alex chuckled nervously, lifting his arm up to look at his watch. "It's time for me to get to work."

    "Alex," you called after him as he began to walk. He only got away with two steps before you grabbed onto his arm and moved to stand in front of him. "Are you asking me out on a date?"

    He gulped, tugging at the collar of his shirt, noticing a few strands of his hair had fallen in front of his face. "I've been meaning to for almost two years," he admitted quietly, feeling a knot in his stomach, his hands shaking and sweating at the same time, his heart beating uncomfortably in his chest.

    A smile rose to your face as you looked down, hiding the fact your cheeks turned a shade of pink faintly, your skin warmed up. "I, uh… yes." You nodded. "I would love to… we would love to."

    "Really?" He asked.

    You nodded, turning to look at your daughter who was already making her way back. She wrapped her arms around your leg again, leaning her head against you. Alex crouched down and cleared his throat.

    "I need to ask you something very important."

    "About stocks?"

    "What?" Alex looked at her, then up to you, who was just as confused as he was, then back down to your daughter. "No."

    "Good, because I don't know anything about them."

    "No, I need to ask you for permission."

    "To do what?"

    "Take you and your mum out for dinner tonight, and if that goes well, maybe every other night after that?"

    Your daughter looked up to you, a smiling growing on her face. You shrugged, waiting for her response. She looked back at Alex and grinned, nodding her head before she pushed forward and wrapped her arms around him again. With a chuckle, he stood up, holding her tightly. The nerves were still there eating away at him, but it was no longer a bad feeling, they were the good kind of nerves. Alex glanced at you and grinned, unwrapping one arm from your daughter to bring you into the hug as well. He was no longer pissed off at the diversion, and, slowly, the stress started to melt away.

[artificialqueens]

Just The Game We're In- Chapter 7, Part 1 (Ortega)

A/N: hello all i’m v tired!!!!! here is part one of two of chapter 7 bc i didn’t want to subject mobile users to mental amounts of scrolling again! thank u to everyone that’s shown love and interest in this fic, it honestly warms my heart and means the world to me. sadly, I can’t say when you’ll all see me again. I start my job in 2 weeks and I don’t have part 2 written yet, but i’m going to try to make time for writing so that you guys aren’t left hanging. i love and appreciate u!!! thanks to the amazing Dottie, my aq brits gals, and especially pureCAMP who motivated me to write the final two sections with a speed that will probably never be paralleled again. love u all!!!!

Plot Summary: Willam is a senior political advisor to the government’s minister for social affairs and citizenship, Sharon Needles. Throw in a crush on co-worker Courtney, Sharon acting weird around Willam’s colleague Alaska, an incompetent press department headed by Actual Living Zombie Jinkx Monsoon, and Willam’s job couldn’t get much more stressful. No wonder spin doctor Bianca Del Rio is permanently at the end of her tether…

Finishing the final line in the leaflet she’d been working on, Willam hit the save button in satisfaction. Looking around her desk, she immediately tried to find the to-do list she’d made and crossed off Refugee Housing Policy Literature. She leaned back in her chair and stretched, her back cracking as she interlocked her fingers and lifted her arms high into the air. How long had she been sitting at her desk? Casting an eye over to the clock, she was a little taken aback when she realised it was 5pm. Even if the clock hadn’t been there she probably could have told the time by the office’s human equivalent of a sundial; the comms team were packing up their things, pulling their coats on, and making to leave.

Willam supposed she wasn’t that surprised she’d lost track of time. Truth be told, she had almost lost track of what day it was. For the past two months she’d cocooned herself in her work, throwing herself into each job Sharon gave them as Bianca’s hint at a promotion replayed over and over in her mind like a screensaver. It had been all go at the department pretty much since Sharon’s plane had hit the tarmac at Heathrow airport; her presentation at Brussels had been incredibly well-received and the approval from so many other countries pretty much pressured the Prime Minister into backing the policy and giving it the green light, much to the delight of the department and the chagrin of the opposition. Over the past few weeks, Willam had taken the lead in crafting responses to jabs from Phi Phi both in the media and in parliament, organising positive coverage and press opportunities from the newspapers, and creating the literature that would be given out at the policy’s official launch a month away. She was exhausted, but it was a good exhaustion, like how Willam imagined a runner would feel after completing a sprint- she wouldn’t know, she hadn’t run since she was in school- but this job was a sort of series of sprints, Willam supposed. It was fast-paced and intense and sometimes utterly terrifying, but the euphoria at the end was so worth it.

She honestly hadn’t given Courtney a second thought. And her heart definitely didn’t still jump a little as she looked over to her desk and saw her getting ready to go home. In reality, Willam knew that if she wanted to move up the ladder, she didn’t have time to start anything with anyone, not that Courtney wanted to start anything with her, clearly. Which was fine. Willam was okay with that, in fact she was completely over it. The whole thing had just been a stupid crush, totally fleeting. Courtney was just her friend, that was all.

As Courtney approached her desk, Willam made that little speech to herself in her mind, just to remind herself that if any old feelings decided to pop up during their conversation, it was just a false alarm. Like a fire drill. Not real feelings, just her heart playing tricks on her.

Work was more important.

“Hey,” Courtney smiled, looking at Willam and then at the clock. “A bunch of us are going over to Pearl’s flat for dinner if you want to join. It’ll probably descend into a wine night, and I’ve told them a million times that I have to be up early tomorrow, but of course they won’t listen. You in?”

Courtney’s face seemed so hopeful, and it reminded Willam of how she’d looked at her when she’d asked her to stay at her flat all those months ago, and then when she’d asked her to stay in her bed. Her heart felt as if it was being wrung out. Fire drill, fire drill.

“It sounds great, but I’m going to stay and look at these polls Bianca sent over,” Willam quirked her mouth into an apologetic grimace. Seeing Courtney’s bright expression falter a little, Willam felt compelled to add something that would make it better. “Like you said, early start tomorrow, right?”

Just as Willam had hoped, the smile was back on Courtney’s face. “Oh I’m super excited! The weather’s supposed to be really nice too, and the hotel is apparently amazing!”

Willam couldn’t help but crack a smile. “The weather’s not going to matter. We’ll be stuck in conference rooms 90% of the time. Do you think we can ask to do all the debates outside like in primary school?”

As Courtney gave an amused laugh, Willam felt her heart thud in her chest. Tucking her hair behind her ears, Courtney gave her a shy sort of smile.

“Still, even if it is going to be work guising as a weekend away, I’m looking forward to it. I’m so excited for us to spend time together again,” she said softly, then gave a sort of cough and backed up. “As in, like, all of us. Me, you, Alaska, Sharon. It’ll be fun.”

Willam tried to stop herself reading into what Courtney had said. Fire drill. “Yeah, no. It’ll be good.”

Courtney sort of awkwardly hovered at Willam’s desk, her eyes cast almost nervously to the floor. Willam felt as if she was made entirely of ice, not wanting to move in case she scared her away as if Courtney was some sort of forest animal. Just as Courtney opened her mouth to speak again, Trixie yelled from across the department.

“Is she coming or what? I’m fucking starving!”

Courtney furrowed her brow and flared her nostrils, seemingly annoyed at being interrupted. “No, she’s staying to do work.”

Katya tilted her head to the side and gave Willam an awed look in response to the information. “You’re staying past five again? What the fuck, Willam? You’ve been working harder than Rihanna and Fifth Harmony combined!”

“Well some of us have got to get shit done around here,” Willam shrugged nonchalantly. Turning back to Courtney, she couldn’t help her face softening. “Have a good night. I’ll see you tomorrow, bright and early!”

Courtney gave a small laugh she didn’t quite seem committed to. “Can’t wait. Night, Will.”

As Courtney walked away from her desk, Willam noticed her shoulders were sort of slumped.

“Alaska! Pearl’s?” Adore shouted, distracting Willam. Alaska made a pouty face.

“Can’t. I’ve still got the debrief from Brussels to write up,” she groaned, leaning on her palm with her chin.  

“That was due ages ago! Sharon’s going to kill you,” Violet gasped, shocked. Alaska leaned back in her chair, her poker face excellent.

“Not if Bianca gets there first. Enjoy your night, ladies.”

Shouting goodbyes across the department, Willam took a moment to think about the weekend ahead. She supposed it wasn’t really the weekend per se; tomorrow was Friday, but it was also the very first day of the party conference, also known as the biggest piss-up of the political calendar. Comms members were left behind in order for MPs, cabinet ministers and their political advisors to let off steam. Sure, the days were filled with debates, speakers and networking, but the evenings were reserved for debauchery. Much as Willam had been throwing herself into her work, she was secretly looking forward to a chance to let her hair down a bit, and even if that chance was only at a Hilton hotel in the South of England then she’d still take it. Her excitement was balanced by a little nervousness, though. Over the weekend Sharon would properly present her policy to the members of her own party for the first time, and the rumblings within the party revealed that there were several ministers who were still frosty towards Dosac as a result of the entire legacy fiasco. Willam could only hope that Sharon would be able to turn the charm on as she was usually able.

Just then, Sharon came out of her office a little furtively, walking towards Alaska’s desk and scanning the office.

“Is that everyone gone?” she asked, her voice low but still audible. Alaska smiled up at her girlfriend, clearly happy to be able to drop the professional charade.

“It’s just Willam. So we’re all good,” she beamed. Sharon smiled back at her and sat on her desk, leaning in and kissing Alaska’s forehead gently.

“I still have a functioning set of eyeballs so let’s keep everything U-rated, you gross sons of bitches,” Willam snorted, trying to pretend she was disdainful but really felt her heart both warming and breaking at how affectionate the two of them were. Alaska moved her mouse with one hand while Sharon held her other, their fingers laced together. Sharon took some time out from gazing adoringly at her girlfriend to shoot a glare Willam’s way.

“That’s a shame, we were looking forward to doing that very secret and bad thing we do with your Sharpies after you go home,” she drawled, earning a snort from Alaska.

“So how are you guys even going to function this weekend anyway? I don’t suppose the hotel’s going to conveniently fuck up another booking?” Willam smirked, clicking onto her emails at the same time. Alaska rolled her eyes.

“Do you think we have a combined IQ of four? No, of course not,” she laughed, then looked up at Sharon. “It’s going to be good old-fashioned sneaking around. Sharon will get a double bed so we just have to make sure the hallways are clear every time I’m going to hers. It’ll be easy.”

“Oh, I’m sure it’ll be very easy. I mean it’s not like the entire party and all their advisors are going to be staying in the same hotel or anything,” Willam looked pointedly at her, feeling a little exasperated.

“Trust me, Willam, we’ll be careful. Just like we’ve been these past five months.”

Trying not to shake her head, Willam just exhaled deeply. She was happy for them both, but she was probably never going to stop worrying about their ticking time bomb of a relationship and how long they both had until they were found out. If they weren’t worried about it, then surely someone had to be? Looking across at them both, she bit her tongue as she saw that Alaska had turned around in her chair and now had both of her hands in Sharon’s, the minister leaning in giving her a sweet kiss. Out of respect, or perhaps nausea, Willam averted her eyes back to her monitor. Sure enough, the polls were there in a mass email from Bianca, along with a reminder of the bi-elections in May. It seemed ridiculously early for a reminder already, but Willam supposed that was how politics worked. Support had to be drummed up well in advance, and she reasoned that she’d probably be approached at the conference by a lot of hopeful potential MPs wanting to worm their way into the House of Commons. Clicking on the PDF file, she scrolled through pie charts and graphs searching for relevant statistics. She was suddenly distracted by a ringing from the phone in Sharon’s office. Looking up, she furrowed her brow at Alaska and Sharon, similar confusion painted over both their faces. Calls weren’t supposed to go through to Sharon’s office unless they had been vetted by Jinkx, and Jinkx had already left. If it was Bianca or somebody else from within the party, they’d contact Sharon’s iPhone.

“Hmm. Weird. I’ll answer that and then we can head back to mine? I’m making lamb,” Sharon said proudly, then swung her legs off Alaska’s desk and walked through to her office.

As she heard Sharon’s muffled voice answer the phone, Willam finally found the statistics she’d been looking for. Screwing her face up, she slowly read the numbers in front of her again. They couldn’t be right. It couldn’t be possible.

“Alaska,” Willam yelled over to her friend. “Have you read the polls Bianca sent over?”

Alaska simply shook her head. Willam spoke again. “Read them and go to page 56. I’m not quite sure I’m seeing what’s in front of me.”

Alaska dutifully followed Willam’s orders. Willam watched as she clearly reached the page she was talking about, her face completely falling in shock. “Oh shit. This is bad.”

As Willam turned to Sharon’s office, she was only shocked further when she saw the minister standing by her desk, her face as white as a sheet and the minister very visibly shaken. Concerned, Willam rose from her seat and made her way to her office, Alaska following behind. As they walked into the glass-fronted office, Sharon turned to both of them, her expression one of fear.

“What is it? Who was phoning?”

Sharon wordlessly pressed a single button on the phone and the conversation began to replay.

“Hello, Sharon Needles, Minister for Dosac?”

A male voice- aggressive, hissing. “You’re fucking dead the next time I see you, you fucking traitor bitch.”

“…sorry?”

“You fucking heard me, you cunt. I’m going to throw acid in your face then make sure you’re fucking hanged, you quisling bitch.”

“How did you get this number?”

“You should be more concerned about the fact that I’m going to make sure you fucking die, you terrorist sympathiser cunt! Watch your fucking back.”

With that, there was the sound of an empty telephone line, the flatline a start contrast to Willam’s own heart, which was hammering in her ribcage. Alaska, who had previously been standing with her mouth wide in shock, omitted a little squeak and rushed behind the desk to hold her girlfriend, the both of them visibly upset. Death threats to politicians were unfortunately common, but this was the first time Willam had ever had to deal with a physical phone call, most of the abuse being able to be ignored on social media. This was different- a voice, a person, someone who had physically sought out a phone number that was incredibly difficult to obtain, and this made Willam nervous. Looking at Sharon again, she could see that she was still fearful, her whole body language tense. Alaska was crying, her frame shaking as she tried to quieten her sobs, tears rolling down her face and dropping onto the floor.

“It’s okay. It’ll be okay. Nobody’s going to hurt you,” she whispered, her voice shaky and breath irregular. Sniffing, her voice suddenly grew dark and, releasing her hold on Sharon, she turned to Willam.

“I want that fucking scum put away tonight. I’m phoning Bianca. We need to track the number. I’ll fucking kill him,” she said, storming out of the office. Willam had never seen Alaska this angry- her fists were physically clenched as if she was about to fight, and her jaw was clenched tight.

“Alaska, don’t phone Bianca-” Willam began, as Alaska returned to the office with her mobile. Seething, Alaska whipped round to Willam, her eyes wide in their sockets.

“What the fuck? Of course I’m phoning Bianca, this is fucking serious! We need to get this fucking rotted, disgusting filth locked away! How the fuck are you okay with this?!”

“I’m not okay with it at all!” Willam cried, instantly realising she needed to calm Alaska down. Sharon looked resignedly at her girlfriend.

“Baby, it’s okay, I’m fine-”

“No, you’re not fine! You’ve just received a threat on your life, how can you be fine?!” Alaska yelled in outrage as she tried to scroll at her phone but was prevented by her hands shaking furiously.

“Alaska, you need to calm down,” Willam said softly, Sharon stepping out from behind her desk and wrapping her arms around the taller girl. Heaving a huge sigh Alaska sank into the hug, her face a sort of mix of seething and upset. Taking a moment to clear her head, Willam spoke again.

“Look, I’ll phone Bianca. I’ll also ask her to phone the police. She should have contacts that won’t leak so we can ensure this stays completely out of the media. We’ll make sure you’ve got security- I’ll phone the lobby and make sure you’ve got someone that’ll take you to your car when you leave the offices. That’s all we can do at the moment,” Willam added apologetically, feeling bad for Sharon. “Are you sure you’re alright?”

Sighing, Sharon nodded. “I’m fine. It’s just never happened to me before, you know, an actual phone call. It was just an empty threat, these things always are. I mean, you’re not exactly going to warn a politician before you kill them, are you?”

Alaska tensed up. “Sharon, don’t say that.”

“Well all I’m saying is, they know that this shit is only going to result in tighter security. It’s just an empty threat, they want to see me rattled. Which is exactly what I’m not going to give them.”

Willam reflected on what the man had said. “Do you think this is about all you’re doing for the refugees?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, just his choice of words. Traitor, quisling, terrorist sympathiser. They’re classic EDL buzzwords for anyone that wants to let in any migrants at all, never mind ones fleeing war.”

Sharon was silent, looking to the floor in contemplation. Willam took that as an invitation to continue. “Would it be an idea to quieten down on the housing policy and maybe focus on another area of social affairs? We don’t want this to become anything bigger.”

Sharon narrowed her eyes at Willam, her gaze snapping up from the floor. “No. This is exactly what bigots like him want, they want me to stop trying to do something. In a few months, people like him are still going to be as angry about this policy as they are now. There is no way I’m letting this derail anything.”

Still a little uncomfortable, Willam watched as Sharon sighed, then pulled out of the hug and gave Alaska a reassuring smile.

“Are you sure you want to still go to the party conference?” Willam asked hesitantly, Sharon instantly shutting her down.

“Willam, I said this wouldn’t interrupt anything, okay? I’m fine. Everything is business as usual.”

Sucking a breath in through gritted teeth, Willam decided to broach the subject of the polls. “Okay, well if everything is still business as usual. I should probably let you know…you’re ten points behind in the polls.”

Sharon’s mouth dropped open. “Ten points, what the fuck?! What the hell have I done, blended a baby, a puppy and a kitten together in a fucking KitchenAid?!”

Alaska sighed and ran a hand through her hair. “It might be because of your policy. The public knew you were left wing, but could deal with it as long as you weren’t doing anything. People are annoyed you’re doing your job.”

“Fucking fabulous,” Sharon hissed. Alaska shot Willam a glare as if to thank her for ruining their previously romantic evening. Feeling guilty, Willam crossed to Sharon’s desk and picked up her handbag.

“Look, don’t worry about it. I’ll figure something out and fix it. I’ll even get Courtney involved,” Willam said as she handed the minister her bag, regretting her last sentence as soon as it was out her mouth. “You guys just go enjoy your night, okay? Or at least try.”

Both Sharon and Alaska gave her a smile of gratitude, Sharon taking her back from Willam’s grasp. “Thanks, Willam. You’re a gift.”

Alaska smirked, seemingly a little more cheerful. “We’ll be thinking of you when she’s got three fingers in my-”

“GO HOME,” Willam yelled, cutting her friend off, her disgust muted at her relief that the couple seemed a lot happier again as they both laughed softly, linked arms and began to leave the office.

The calm and quiet of the department contrasted the instant pile-up of tasks in Willam’s head. Heading to Sharon’s phone and ringing down to the lobby for security, she resigned herself to the fact that it was going to be a long night.

***

Heaving her trundle suitcase down the very final step in her stairwell, Willam pushed open her door and entered into the crisp morning air. It was, for now, a cold day, but there was still the promise of it getting warmer as the sun began to rise over the horizon. Rubbing her eyes a little, she stifled a yawn. As she looked at the time, Willam cursed whoever had booked the hotel so far away. Still, she was a little excited at the prospect of getting out of London. Sharon’s driver was meant to be picking them all up at 6am, but Willam had been texted by Alaska and made aware they were running a little late.

Willam was pretty exhausted. She’d been up all night analysing the polls and figuring out a way to combat Sharon’s falling approval ratings, finally coming up with an answer. She supposed she would have been quicker if she’d contacted Courtney and told her all that had gone on at the department after she’d left, but she hadn’t wanted to ruin her night with the comms girls. Besides, the thought of spending time alone with Courtney wasn’t exactly the most appealing thing to her right now.

Her thought process was interrupted as a sleek black car with blacked-out windows pulled up into Willam’s street.

Well, it’s either Sharon or a long-overdue hitman.

As the car arrived beside her, a single window was lowered to reveal Sharon in a huge pair of sunglasses. Beaming a smile, she shouted out to Willam just as the boot of the car popped open.

“Get in loser, we’re going to engage in stimulating, politically-driven conferences and debates!”

As Willam rolled her eyes and lifted her case into the boot, sitting it beside Alaska’s and Sharon’s, she heard the muffled voice of Alaska from inside the car say something about constantly wondering why she was attracted to her girlfriend. Opening the other side door, Willam climbed inside and sat opposite the couple.

“Hey. How was your night?” Willam asked politely, feeling small-talk would be appropriate before she launched into work matters. Alaska gave a long-suffering sigh and took Sharon’s hand.

“We ended up getting a sub-par chippy because someone’s lamb shanks were so raw they could’ve walked out the fucking oven.”

“Hey, nobody ever told me you had to cook lamb for approximately six hundred years!” Sharon cried incredulously, then laughing as Alaska broke out into a smile beside her. Feeling it was too early for such displays of affection, Willam decided to change topic.

“So, before we do anything else, I think I figured out the drop in the polls,” she began, getting her phone out to illustrate her plan before hearing Sharon groan opposite her.

“Willam, it’s six in the morning. Can we at least wait til the sun’s up before we start talking work?”

“Hey, I’m proud of this idea! I think you’ll like it,” Willam insisted. As Sharon simply rolled her eyes in response, Willam carried on. “Your decrease in approval ratings is mainly amongst the over 40s demographic. So, instead of trying to win them back, we’re going to balance them with the 18 to 25s.”

“Fuck,” Alaska sighed, Sharon bringing her hands up to her face then dragging them down her cheeks. “Will, they never fucking vote.”

“Only because nobody’s connecting with them! Now, we know they like Sharon from the response she gets on twitter. And what is the thing that most 18 to 25 year olds connect with the most?”

“…good policies on higher education?” Sharon tried hopefully.

“Memes!” Willam declared proudly. Sharon and Alaska stared at her as if she’d just grown another head.

“I’ve woken up on another plane of reality,” Sharon blinked blankly.

“Is it not kind of insulting to say that the only way Sharon can connect with younger voters is through memes?” Alaska tilted her head a little.

“Insulting to Sharon or insulting to- you know what, it doesn’t matter, the point is that the memes are politically relevant! I set you up a snapchat account and all you’ve got to do is post some funny, wholesome pictures or videos every now and again. The kids will love you, turn you into a massive meme queen, become more engaged and invested in you than they already are, hype you up no end on social media and increase your approval ratings!”

“Um. What the fuck is snapchat,” Sharon asked, her face blank. Sighing and shaking her head, Willam gestured for Sharon to give her her phone and downloaded the app as Alaska patiently explained how it worked to her girlfriend. Soon enough, Willam was signing into the account she’d made for her boss.

“Okay,” she said, handing it back to Sharon. “Now, do a video or something. Say you’re on your way to the party conference and are excited to hear everyone’s ideas and visions for the future, blah blah blah, political horseshit.”

Looking a little nervous, Sharon positioned the screen across from her face and gave a false smile as she held down the video button.

“Hi everyone, Sharon Needles here and I am on my way to Bournemouth for the party conference! I am so excited to get down and start hearing everyone’s amazing ideas for the year ahe- the video stopped.”

Exasperated, Willam rested her head in her hands. Alaska simply laughed affectionately.

“Don’t worry, you’ll get the hang of it, sweetie,” she smiled, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “But in all seriousness, this isn’t the worst idea you’ve ever had, Wills. How much of it was really down to Courtney?”

Willam felt as if she’d suddenly choked on something. “Oh, um, I never had to contact her in the end. The idea sort of came to me.”

“Speaking of contacting people, did you get in touch with Bianca about that phone call?” Sharon asked, her voice suddenly grave. Willam had. Bianca had seemed a little rattled that whoever it was had managed to obtain a departmental phone number but was convinced it was nothing more than an empty threat, and Willam conveyed this to Sharon.

“She’s got someone at the Metropolitan working on it. Shouldn’t be too hard to trace the number once they phone the network provider,” she explained, her heart seizing up as she recognised the familiar new-build flats outside the window. “We should probably stop talking about this now that we’re at Courtney’s.”

“Why? Wasn’t she made aware?” Sharon asked, her voice turning a little stern.

Willam let out a sigh. “I didn’t tell her.”

“What? Why not?”

Because I’m scared to text her? Fire drill. “Because I don’t want this getting round the department more than it has to.”

Just as Sharon appeared satisfied with Willam’s answer, the car stopped right alongside Courtney, who was standing beside a huge suitcase, a smaller but very full backpack that was looped around its handles, and a Sainsbury’s bag that seemed to contain wellington boots. The small blonde beamed with joy, then rushed around the back to put everything into the boot.

“Jesus. What in fuck has she packed?” Alaska snorted an affectionate laugh as the boot slammed loudly from the back of the car and Courtney clambered into the seat beside Willam.

“Good morning, campers! Ah, I am so excited! This is going to be the best weekend,” she squealed happily, clapping her hands together in excitement.

“I hate to disappoint, Courtney, but I don’t know how exciting it’s going to be for you watching a bunch of speeches that are irrelevant to your line of work and watching me debate the assholes we share a party with.”

“Oh, come on, it’s not so bad. We’ve got the diversity disco tomorrow night,” Willam said dryly, her awe at the erratic planning of each conference growing more and more each year.

“Yeah, it’ll be surprisingly fun!” Courtney nodded enthusiastically. “Plus, all the other advisors are usually lovely! Trixie was saying last night that we needed to look out for one of her old friends from HR- Farrah, I’ve met her once or twice but had no idea she was a party member. Apparently she’s one of Sasha Velour’s girls and she’s sort of in at the deep end, so we need to look out for her.”

“Sasha Velour, ugh. I can’t imagine what it’d be like to work with her, she’s so pretentious. Like she could shoot explosive diarrhoea over the entire House of Commons and she’d still think she was the best person in the room,” Willam wrinkled her nose disdainfully. Sasha was one of the party’s many new arrivals after the expenses scandal those six months ago, and in that time Willam hadn’t been convinced by her at all. Her approval ratings seemed to be good, but any interview she did always seemed to make her come across as too hyper-intelligent for anyone else. Hell, she’d managed to out-smug Raja Gemini.

“I know Bianca got on at her for using too many long words in her interviews,” Alaska chipped in thoughtfully.

“I don’t know. From what I’ve seen in cabinet meetings she’s pretty quiet. Keeps herself to herself. She’s quite buddy with some of the other new ministers, but if all I’ve got to worry about this weekend is a party clique then I’m not worried. I survived high school, for Christ’s sake,” Sharon shrugged nonchalantly. “How long do we have in this car?”

Alaska checked her phone. “Two hours and twenty minutes.”

“I’m going to fucking kill myself.”

Courtney perked up. “Hey, I know what we can do to pass the time!”

Willam’s face grew scheming. “Oh shit, the game we used to play going up to MediaCity?”

“YES! Party political Guess Who,” Courtney replied, her face equally as mischievous. Turning to Sharon, she explained. “It’s like Guess Who, but with the members of the party.”

“Thanks, Courtney, I’m really glad you explained that to me,” Sharon deadpanned.  

“I’ll start then. I’m thinking of a cabinet minister,” Alaska smiled, giving nothing away.

“It’s Sharon,” Willam said instantly, earning her a weird look from Courtney.

“Fuck you, it’s not Sharon!” Alaska blurted out.

“Why would it be Sharon?” Courtney asked, her face still dumbfounded.

“She’s a fucking cabinet minister, isn’t she?” Willam stuttered, eager to cover up her misdemeanour. “Okay, is she a woman?”

“Yes.”

“What colour hair has she got?” Sharon asked, warming to the game.

“It’s yes or no questions only, you fucking amateur,” Willam joked. “Has she got brown hair?”

“Yep.”

“Well that narrows it down,” Courtney rolled her eyes. “Has she made a lot of media appearances in the last three months?”

Alaska narrowed her eyes in thought. “Not really.”

“Was she at last year’s party conference?”

Alaska snorted a laugh that very obviously gave something away. “Yes.”

“Did she make headlines for bringing a bunch of guys back to her hotel room she found on Tinder and riding each one of them like a pogo stick?” Willam cut in immediately.

“Yes!” Alaska blurted out excitedly.

“Is it our beloved Minister for International Trade, Miss Trinity Taylor?!” Courtney suddenly squealed, excitement getting the better of her. All four girls burst out laughing.

“Fuck you, Court, that was my answer!” Willam laughed, whacking her on the arm despite not knowing what possessed her to. Courtney simply batted her eyelashes at her.

“You snooze, you lose, babe!”

As the others kept laughing, Willam felt her heart freeze up. Did Courtney realise what she’d said? Inwardly, Willam shook her head. Of course she didn’t. It was just an offhand comment, something she obviously wouldn’t read into as much as Willam had and something that Willam was stupid for reading into anyway. Fire drill.

Two hours, twenty minutes and most of the cabinet members and MPs later, Sharon’s driver pulled up outside the Hilton they were to be staying at for the weekend. Courtney had been right; from the outside, at least, it did look good. Each floor was stacked high on top of the other, with chunky balconies outlining each one. It was very business-like but also classy, perfect for the weekend ahead. As Sharon’s driver opened the doors and a Hilton employee rushed to the boot to retrieve their luggage, the four made their way up the marble steps past a few hungover-looking smokers and into the hotel lobby, where Sharon took the lead in checking them all into their respective hotel rooms.

“On behalf of the Hilton, we’d like to wish you a very warm welcome and hope that you enjoy the conference,” the receptionist chirped, smiling as he slid four identical key cards over the countertop. “Your rooms are 505, 511, 512 and 513. We offer 24-hour room service although the front desk does close at midnight. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Sharon tilted her head. “Could I have a bottle of champagne sent up to room 512 at around six o’clock tonight please?”

The receptionist barely stopped himself from raising his eyebrows. “Absolutely, I can fix that for you right away Ms. Needles.”

“Thank you,” she smiled, turning away from the desk. Willam fixed her with a frown.

“A bottle of champagne? Are we in Empire?”

“What? It’s the party conference, let me live. ‘Party’ is right there in the phrase.”

“Right in front of ‘conference’,” Willam muttered under her breath. Scooping up the key cards from the reception desk, she shrugged. “Okay, Alaska, you take 511-”

Alaska gave her a grateful smile that thanked her without any words.

“- I’ll take 505 and Court can have-”

“Oh Christ, don’t put me anywhere near the number thirteen,” Courtney said, her voice a little panicked. Willam had forgot about Courtney’s large amount of superstitions. It was one of the things she found so endearing about her.

“Alright, Stevie Wonder,” Willam rolled her eyes to mask her affection, handing her the other key card. “Should we head up to the welcome address? We’ve still got half an hour but it’d be good to go and see who’s turned up.”

Nodding in agreement, Alaska dashed over to the porter who had stacked their suitcases high on a golden luggage trolley and told him which room they were all to go to. Once she’d ensured the safe arrival of their belongings, the four of them made their way to the lifts and travelled up several floors to a floor free of any hotel rooms; the doors opened to reveal a sort of holding area, with a slightly worn red carpet and cream wallpaper. That being said, Willam could hardly see most of her surroundings on account of the sheer volume of people currently in the room. Her observations were interrupted by a man in a smart suit who she vaguely recognised as one of the interns at Number Ten, handing her a sheet of paper.

“Welcome to the annual party conference!” he smiled, desperation to hopefully be picked up by an MP or a Minister so he could begin his ascent to the top of the political world seeping out of every pore. Willam cast a glance at the sheet, which appeared to be the agenda for the weekend.

“God, there’s entirely too much mingling going on in this room,” Sharon exhaled, her tone a little overwhelmed. “It’s like being in a snake pit.”

“Well look, there’s Latrice over there! She likes you, why don’t you go and chat to her?” Courtney pointed out the large, cheerful Communities and Local Government Minister, who was standing by the table of nibbles and laughing loudly with the girl serving behind it. Pulling a face and shrugging, Sharon straightened her posture and made her way over to Latrice, leaving Alaska, Courtney and Willam still hovering by the lifts. Willam watched as Alaska scanned the room, her eyes suddenly resting on someone and her face jolting in recognition. Faltering a little as she remembered the two girls beside her, Alaska began to slowly move towards who she’d seen.

“I’ve just spotted, um…someone I knew from uni. I’m just going to go catch up- you guys don’t mind, do you?”

Alaska barely gave either of them time to reply with a yes or no as she quickly disappeared into the crush of people. Curiosity piqued, Willam craned her neck in an attempt to see who Alaska had been so focused on, but it was impossible to see where Alaska had gone in the shifting crowd. Letting it drop, Willam became aware that only she and Courtney were left. Her palms began to sweat as she searched for something to say, but Courtney didn’t seem to feel as uncomfortable.

“Look, there’s Nina from Work and Pensions,” she kept her voice low as she subtly pointed to the new minister, who was standing on her own sipping from an orange juice and scanning the room. “Should we go say hi?”

Willam scoffed. “Nah. She won’t know who we are and to add to that, she’s isolated herself by choice. The rumour is that she smoked too much weed while she was at uni so she’s one of the most paranoid people you’ll ever meet. Fierce debater, though.”

Courtney’s eyes grew wide, a little shocked at the revelation. Calming herself and shrugging, she gave Willam a little smile. “Well, we can just keep each other company until the conference starts.”

Willam couldn’t control the way she beamed a smile back at her. Suddenly scrambling for conversation, Willam looked to the floor, a little nervous. “So, any big plans for tonight?”

Courtney bit her lip slightly. “I was thinking of heading to the SkyBar and trying to make some pals. I know there was some talk amongst the advisors for drinks after dinner. Sound good?”

Willam was only a little taken aback at Courtney’s invitation. Stammering a little, she pulled an apologetic face. “Sorry. I’m going to stay in and work on a little more analysis of this taxation policy that’s getting debated tomorrow. Try and conjure up a couple more figures for Sharon to throw in.”

Courtney momentarily looked as if she was injured. “Oh. Okay.”

Willam all but flinched, wondering what she’d done to result in Courtney’s drop in spirits. She was a breath away from trying to save the situation- perhaps saying she’d come for one single drink if only to see that smile reappear on Courtney’s face again- when she was stopped by a cry from within the crowd.

“Courtney?” came a soft, high voice, the words followed by a tiny blonde girl who looked entirely too young to be in politics. She wore a baby pink pencil skirt and suit jacket which were perfectly tailored, and her blonde hair hung in delicate waves framing her face. As she turned her head very slightly, the light hit her cheekbones in an almost blinding fashion, indicating that if politics didn’t work out she could always go into makeup artistry. If Willam hadn’t seen her before, Courtney certainly seemed as if she knew her.

“Farrah! It’s so good to see you, I had no idea you were working for the party until Trixie mentioned it!” she beamed, happiness restored as she gave the girl a quick hug.

“Yeah, well, Sasha scouted me after someone obviously noticed my performance in admin over at human resources. But oh God, Courtney, there’s so much! I feel like I’m constantly behind and everyone is so much more advanced. I mean Naysha- you know Cynthia’s Naysha over at International Development?- rumour is she’s getting considered for an advisory job at number ten,” Farrah reeled off, anxiety riddling her tone. Willam’s ears perked up at the mention of the number ten job, her detached interest which she’d held previously suddenly increasing. Farrah seemed not to realise the impact of her words and was still carrying on. “Meanwhile I’m still over here not really sure how to use the photocopier! Oh, I’m so sorry, I don’t think we’ve met?”

With that, Farrah turned to Willam and warmly stuck a hand out for her to shake. Hesitantly, Willam gave a tight smile and took Farrah’s hand. “I’m Willam. I work with Court, I’m Sharon Needles’ political advisor.”

Farrah’s face sort of sank, the smile that had previously been plastered to it melting away. “Oh God. I should have registered. It’s Dosac you guys work for, right?”

Starting to feel a little like she had the power to ruin everyone’s mood, Willam nodded, her brow furrowed. Farrah pulled a sort of pained expression.

“What is it, Farrah?” Courtney asked, concern written all over her face.

“God. I mean I shouldn’t care, right? It’s just politics after all, I mean that’s what happens, isn’t it? But oh God, you’re both going to have to deal with the fallout and I just can’t help but feel partly responsible because I helped her write it…I mean I proof-read it, but that’s still some responsibility, right?” the small blonde stammered, her face only growing more and more fretful.

“Farrah. Talk to me,” Courtney asked, a frown deep set on her face.

“Jesus, are you crying?” Willam tilted her head, awe momentarily taking the place of concern.

Sniffling a little, Farrah took a deep breath. “Sasha’s speech later today. It’s about politics and the media. Sharon doesn’t really come off well in it.”

Willam gave a deep sigh, bringing both hands up behind her head. This was all she needed to add to her already sky-high stress levels. “What exactly does she say?”

As soon as Farrah opened her mouth, she immediately shut it again as her gaze focussed on someone just over Willam’s shoulder. As Willam turned to acknowledge whoever it was, she came near face-to-face with two girls at the same time. Appearance-wise, they couldn’t have contrasted more; the one on the left had flawless dark skin, with colourful makeup that contrasted her pure white shift dress. Her dreadlocks hung over her shoulders and down her back, the little gold embellishments hanging from the odd dread giving Willam the impression of a sort of Christmas tree. The girl on the right, however, immediately raised Willam’s hackles despite her unthreatening appearance- a huge, candyfloss mane of white-blonde hair sat on her shoulders and only accentuated her pale face, which was painted with just a simple red lip and two huge wings of eyeliner. She wore a plain teal suit dress, which was impeccably ironed and crease-free. Willam looked down at her own slightly crumpled white shirt and black pencil skirt self-consciously. The two girls were recognisable as Shea Coulee and Sasha Velour respectively. Like Sharon, they’d both been new starts all those months ago after the expenses scandal- Shea taking up the post as Minister of Defence and Sasha filling the vacancy for Minister of Justice. They had both been strong presences in parliament, managing to gain considerable traction on policies they’d dreamed up, and their approval ratings were good amongst the public. However, Willam had heard small snippets of rumours that flew around the party indicating that Shea and Sasha were more than simply colleagues. If anything was going on between them, however, they didn’t show it as they stood beside each other, their posture and expressions statuesque.

“Farrah! There you are, we were wondering where you’d managed to get to,” Sasha smiled pleasantly, her voice deep and placid.

“I was just talking to Willam and Courtney. Sharon’s girls,” Farrah stuttered, hasty to conceal that she’d revealed anything to them both just moments ago. Sasha raised a single eyebrow in interest, turning to Shea and sharing a look that seemed to be a mixture of amusement and something else Willam couldn’t quite put her finger on.

“Sorry, is there a problem?” Willam couldn’t help but challenge. Sasha, for her part, looked taken aback at Willam’s forthright manner. Her smile was still calm and her tone was even as she spoke.

“Not at all! If anything I think it’s sweet that Sharon still has advisors after her performance so far in her position,” Sasha said, her level tone hiding the bite to her words. Courtney narrowed her eyes.

“She has three advisors, actually, so she’s not exactly short of allies.”

“Tell that to our party, girl,” Shea laughed, throwing her head back. “Three advisors and she still manages to fuck up. That’s kinda bad.”

“I wouldn’t call getting approval from a number of European leaders fucking up,” Willam said, trying her best to keep her tone calm but her flared nostrils potentially giving her away.

“And there was me thinking Sharon’s approval ratings had plummeted. But maybe I have my numbers wrong,” Sasha said lightly, Willam wondering how she managed to make a shrug sarcastically apologetic. “Anyway, they’re letting people in to the welcome address now so I was thinking of getting going, Farrah? But it was lovely to meet you both. If you’d ever like to come spend a day or two over in Justice, you’d be more than welcome!”

Shea gave Sasha an amused smirk. “What she really means is, if you find yourself wanting to work for a department that’s actually going places, her door’s always open.”

Willam’s face scrunched up in distaste as Sasha gave a disapproving look and batted Shea lightly on the arm. “Your mouth is going to get you in mad amounts of trouble one day, I swear.”

As they moved away, Farrah’s apologetic goodbye and a promise to see them both later muffled what Shea replied, but Willam could have sworn it was something about Sasha having never had any complaints about her mouth before. Her eyes were still narrowed and trained on Sasha like a sniper as she spoke.

“I knew there was a reason that stuck-up bitch didn’t sit well with me. What’s the damage control plan?”

Courtney furrowed her brow. “There’s not much we can do except make Sharon aware. We can’t control what Sasha’s going to say, unless we can find something on her?”

Willam raised both eyebrows. “I don’t know if we can get any solid evidence that her and Shea are fucking but surely their interactions are evidence enough.”

Courtney went to speak then stopped, her words getting caught in her throat. To Willam’s curiosity, her expression became briefly antagonised as she paused, then opened her mouth again. “How come you can see what’s going on with them clear as day but you don’t see…”

She sort of trailed off, expression becoming even more pained as something stopped her speech in her tracks. Confused, Willam prompted her. “Don’t see what?”

Courtney sighed and simply shook her head. Before Willam could press her about it any more, they found themselves both being shoved forward a little in the crowd as everyone began to make their way into the conference hall. The flow of the human tide brought Sharon back to them as they shuffled forward towards the doorway like cattle.

“Okay. Issue. Latrice told me there’s a rumour that Sasha’s speech is basically just her dragging me for a considerable amount of time,” Sharon said quietly, her face not giving away her obvious nerves.

“Yeah. We heard it from Farrah, so I don’t think there’s any element of fiction to it,” Courtney grimaced, hating to be the bearer of bad news. Sharon let out a huge breath.

“Fuck. So I’ve got death threats, falling approval ratings, and now my own party hates me.”

“DEATH THREATS?” Courtney all but shouted, causing a few heads to turn her way. Willam cringed, trying her best to shush her and turning to Sharon.

“Thanks, Sharon.”

“She’s an advisor, she deserves to know!”

“Deserves to know what? Did you keep something from me?” Courtney turned to Willam, suddenly accusatory. Willam found herself hoping she was somehow standing above a trapdoor that would miraculously open and lower her into the void.

“Look, I’ll tell you later,” Willam insisted, desperate to placate her. “For now, let’s just hear what the Chancellor of the Exchequer is going to drone on at us about through his fucking nasal passages for the next half hour.”

Willam didn’t miss the way Courtney’s shoulders slumped, her body language completely defeated. She felt a stab of guilt at her heart, wondering if she should regret not telling Courtney. On one hand, she truly did believe that keeping the death threat between the three of them was the best way to handle it. However, something in her gut made her question if part of her had just really wanted to keep her distance from Courtney. Fire drill? I don’t even know anymore.

Willam’s thoughts were interrupted as the three of them were joined by Alaska just as they crossed the boundary of the conference hall and took their seats relatively near the back of the room. Sitting on her chair with a thud, Alaska leaned into Sharon’s ear and whispered something. Sharon’s face became outraged.

“What the fuck, why did everybody else find out about the bloody content of this speech before I did?”

Willam leaned forward to face Alaska. “Who the hell did you find out from?!”

“My friend from high school told me. He-”

Willam cut her off, suddenly confused. “I thought you said it was a friend from uni?”

Alaska paused for a second and blinked, seemingly realising she’d slipped up. “Did I? I meant high school. Anyway, he told me. Everybody seems to have heard, so maybe we need to think of a strategy to deal with the fallout?”

Sharon nodded, her expression determined. She seemed eager to get back on top, and Willam felt a sudden fire and drive to help her get one up on the other members of the party.

For now, though, they had to sit through an old, rich white man loving the sound of his own voice for a considerable length of time. Willam concluded it was just like any other day in parliament.

***

Trying their best to keep their heels quiet against the wooden floor, the four girls snuck into the very back of the hall and sat down gently on four available wooden seats. Willam craned her neck to the very front of the room, where she could see a single long table where the chair sat with Sasha. She seemed at ease and completely nonplussed by the situation, sorting her index cards out calmly while her face gave nothing away. Fishing the weekend’s agenda from her bag, Willam studied the description again.

16.00- 16.30 – Hall 2 – Minister for Justice

Secretary of State Sasha Velour discusses the public’s view of politicians in the media, taking different landmark events from the political calendar and offering her own analysis as to how they in turn affected the approval ratings of the party.

Sighing and shaking her head, Willam could only hope Sharon didn’t get brought up as many times as people seemed to be implying. All day she’d been an absolute jittery, rage-filled nightmare; every speech the four of them had sat in had featured impatient foot-tapping indicating that Sharon’s attention was miles away. She hadn’t touched any food at lunchtime either. Willam just had to thank God that she didn’t have any debates to take part in until tomorrow, as she’d probably just open her mouth and start spewing particles of her own brain. Looking at Sharon now, Willam could see that she was just staring steadfastly straight ahead, her eyes trained on the other young minister. Willam watched Alaska look nervously at her girlfriend, then as she lifted a single hand and made to hold it in Sharon’s. Locking eyes with her, Willam gave Alaska a warning look and, sighing, the other advisor backed down. Willam felt bad, but it was for their own good- the hall was filled with people, and a gesture like that would have been far, far too obvious.

The small murmur in the room quietened to a complete silence as the chair took to the podium and introduced Sasha, Willam’s gaze immediately snapping over to Shea who was sitting on the other side of the room and whose deafening claps soared over the polite applause of the rest of the crowd.

Taking a confident stance at the podium, Sasha smiled pleasantly at the chair.

“First of all I’d like to start by thanking the chairman for such a warm introduction, and by thanking all of you for coming along. I promise I won’t keep you all for long, as I know we have a big night ahead of us!”

WIllam grimaced as the crowd gave a polite chuckle. “Fucking get on with it, then.”

Pausing as she shuffled her index cards, Sasha looked down at the podium, then looked back up at the crowd. “Politics and the media. It’s a relationship that, it could be argued, is incredibly symbiotic. Without politics, would the media have any reason to exist? Without the media, politics, yes, would still exist, but would it be the democratic institution it has come to be today? The media has become one of the most important vehicles through which politics is conveyed, and for one simple reason; public engagement. The media is vastly accessible to the majority of the population through newspapers, television, radio, and more recently, social media.”

“We know what fucking media entails,” Willam hissed under her breath, perhaps a little too loudly as an elderly MP turned around from the row in front and gave her a disapproving look.

“Why is this accessibility so important? Well, it only increases the scrutiny that politicians- us- are put under by the very people that have voted us into our position. The electorate put their trust in us and, through the media, they are given a chance to check up on the people they used their vote on. It’s only reasonable that they expect us to be responsible, respectable members of parliament, after all, we are representing them. We reflect our electorate, and in turn, our electorate reflects us.”

Willam leaned slightly to her left and whispered to Sharon. “She can’t be mentioning you. She’s been rabbiting on for five minutes and all she’s done is use stupid, meaningless phrases.”

Sharon frowned and made to shush her as Sasha carried on.

“Take, for example, the opposition’s leadership contest. Phi Phi O’Hara’s behaviour towards her competitor, Manila Luzon, showed a level of childishness, churlishness, and just downright sexism. How is this reflected in her electorate? Well, we know both Piers Morgan and Katie Hopkins endorsed her campaign…so I shouldn’t need to say too much more to illustrate my point!”

This time, a bubble of genuine laughter burst in the hall, Willam’s expression stony in the face of it all. She didn’t have to turn to look at Sharon to know that her face was the exact same, the tension radiating from her like heat from an oven.

“Now we can laugh at situations like these- except when they’re occurring in our own party. As members, MPs and Ministers, we should constantly be aiming to do our electorate proud. We must always remember that whatever we are doing, it reflects on the whole party. And this is why in every situation we are in, we must remember that our actions have wider consequences than simply ourselves,” Sasha stopped, moved one index card in front of the other and carried on, her tone now one of pride instead of neutrality. “For example, our minister for defence, Shea Coulee. Within her first month of appointment, as I’m sure you’ll all know, Ms. Coulee flew out to Syria to witness the effects that drone strikes from our country had had on innocent communities. Within a month of her arrival back in the UK, her department had drawn up a piece of legislation that should have ensured tighter control and accuracy of drone strikes. We know now that the legislation was blocked by opposing parties- disappointing, yes, but what couldn’t have been predicted was the overwhelming public support as a result. Defence had previously been a department that many wished didn’t exist- an area of the government which was cold and lacked humanity. Ms. Coulee, through media appearances and connection with the public through platforms such as hustings, surgeries and even on Twitter, has managed to bring humanity, dignity and warmth to a position that many were too afraid to fill.”

Willam looked over once again at Shea, whose face was lit up in gratitude at the glowing praise. Just as she was about to roll her eyes, Willam was jolted back into attention by Sasha’s next sentence.

“Dignity is one of the most important qualities to possess in our area of work, and that’s why I was saddened when I watched the events of Sharon Needles’ Daily Mail interview and its aftermath.”

Willam instantly felt every single muscle in her body tense up, the blood coursing through her veins. She couldn’t bring herself to look at Sharon, who had sucked in a tremendous amount of air at once through her nostrils. A few heads turned around in their seats to crane their necks in the direction of Sharon and her advisors. Unable to move in her seat, Willam could only listen to the rest of the speech.

“True, she opened the door to a conversation that really needed to be had- the staggering amount of sexism politicians face from the media every day is vast…however, that’s a speech for another day!” the audience laughed again and Willam had to fight the urge not to pick up her chair and start smashing their moronic heads in. “But the thing that I felt really undermined her point was the way she conveyed her anger. She could have stayed and debated Shangela Wadely. She could have de-railed the interview into a really productive discussion. But instead, she stormed out. She voided the chance of gaining something really positive out of a bad interview. Through sheer luck, Chad Michaels had wanted to highlight the same thing but the party has to wonder- what would have happened if Ms. Michaels had not invited Ms. Needles onto the news? The integrity and public view of the party was thrown into disarray. Would we all be free to walk out of any interview we choose, to refuse to answer questions simply because we didn’t like them? Are we all free to speak how we like on media appearances, to swear as Ms. Needles did on Radio Five Live? As politicians we are always eager to relate to the public, but should our endeavours to be relatable go as far as being brash or being crude?”

“This bitch seems to talk entirely in rhetorical questions,” Willam hissed to nobody in particular, her resentment growing with each line of Sasha’s speech. The Justice minister carried on.

“We know that Ms. Needles’ endeavours have clearly failed, hence the fall in approval ratings next to Phi Phi O’Hara. But is this solely due to the attempt to be relatable? It is likely that it has more to do with the leaking of the Prime Minister’s legacy, which we now know came from her department. Months of work from advisors at number 10 gone completely down the drain, and it should serve as a reminder to us all to tighten the security and our protocol within our departments, to ensure that the lines between civil servants and political workers are made abundantly clear. With this error of judgement-”      

“Fuck this. I’m not staying to have my character assassinated any longer,” Sharon suddenly hissed through gritted teeth, all at once snatching her bag up from the floor and walking out of the row she sat in, not even caring about the looks she drew from at least the three rows of chairs in front. Panicked, Willam looked across at Courtney, whose gaze was fixed on Alaska who was following her girlfriend out of the room as if attached by a string. Making her own decision, Willam jumped up from her chair and made her way to the exit, hearing Courtney’s heels scraping across the wooden floor approximately a second afterwards. Bursting through the double doors, she was grateful to see that Alaska had restrained herself, and was standing not too close to a deflated Sharon who was slumped against the wall. Willam opened her mouth to speak, but Sharon got there first.

“Courtney, could you please phone Jinkx and tell her we need all hands on deck to firefight this. Pre-warn her. Phone Bianca as well and see what the line is. Alaska, could you nip down to reception and ask if they can bump our-” Sharon suddenly coughed very violently in an attempt to cover the mistake Willam had already heard. “- my champagne order forward to five o’clock? I feel as if I need it and about twenty Valium.”

Obediently, Courtney retrieved her phone from her bag and crossed to a quieter end of the corridor to make the phone call. With the other advisor gone, Alaska risked a squeeze of Sharon’s hand and a quick kiss on her cheek before she dashed across into the lift. With just Willam and Sharon left, Sharon tore her hands through her long, ice-grey hair and gave a heart-wrenching sigh. Willam felt for her.

“Hey. It’ll be okay, you know,” Willam braved a small smile which she hoped looked reassuring. “Tomorrow is a new day and you just have to go out there and do what you do best. Lacerate that cotton-wool haired bitch in the debate and then kill your speech. It’s a bump, but you can redeem yourself in less than 24 hours.”

Sharon gave Willam a sort of helpless look, her blue eyes seeming more like pools than their usual ice. “It’s not that I’m worried about. I know I’m good, I know I’ll be fine tomorrow. I just…have I really been as bad as Sasha said? Have I really been that shit for the party?”

Willam’s face instantly contorted in disbelief. “Oh, God, no! Sharon, you’ve been the best thing that’s happened to this party since you arrived. Bitch just needed someone to attack and she’s jealous you’ve had more media appearances than any other minister so she spun everything you’ve done into something bad.”

“I just feel like I’ve let everybody down,” Sharon’s voice was flat, and Willam had to fight the weird urge she had to hug her.

“Listen. Bianca Del Rio scouted you out because she saw something special in you. And when you came to Dosac, everyone else saw it too. Well, Alaska more than most, but anyway,” Willam threw in a joke in an attempt to cheer the minister up and earned herself a small quirk of a smile at the mention of her girlfriend’s name. “And the public saw it more than anyone. Okay, your approval ratings dropped, but whose don’t? It’s just a case of finding your feet again, and you can do that. We all believe in you, Sharon. You’ve not let anyone down.”

Her smile small but still present, Sharon pushed herself off of her leaning position on the wall and stood with a little more poise. “You know, it seems strange, but for someone who started off as my harshest critic I can really always count on you to cheer me up.”

Willam bristled a bit. “Yeah, well. Shit evolves. We all came from fish once.”

Sharon snorted a laugh, then composed herself. “Well, I’m grateful for you anyway.”

Allowing herself a smile, Willam looked over at the corner of the room from where Courtney was making her way back to the two girls.

“Okay, so Jinkx is already on it- calls are coming in already, apparently- but the line Bianca gave them is that this does not affect the validity or credibility of your stance or policies in any way, and the party is not split,” she addressed Sharon, then pulled a face as her tone became concerned. “Bianca is livid at Sasha. She said something about her being so intent on dividing the party into pieces that she’s going to cut up her dead body into similar pieces before she dissolves it in acid to make the murder look like an accident.”

Raising her eyebrows, Willam gave a shrug. “Yeah, that definitely sounds like Bianca to me.”

“Well, ladies, it’s only quarter past four,” Sharon said, the confidence back in her voice. “And we’ve suddenly got a bit of free time on our hands. I suggest we drink until we can only see in greyscale.”

Courtney’s face lit up before Willam made the same feeble excuse she’d given to Courtney before. Really the truth was that the less time she spent around the other advisor the better, the entire day already seeming like some slow, painful water torture with every second she was around Courtney’s perfume, smile or bright eyes.

Excuses and goodbyes made for the evening, Willam found herself in the hotel lift being elevated towards a night of room service, a cold shower, and shitty TV game shows.

It really was the glamour that she loved the most about her job.

***

Willam lay completely awake, her eyes burning as they bore into the darkness that hung above her head. Casting her eye to the only light source in the room, she gave a loud sigh when she saw that the numbers on the digital clock- the only light source in the room- read that it was one in the morning. Exasperated, Willam turned over in the huge double bed the hotel had provided her. There was nothing wrong with it whatsoever; the sheets were soft and the mattress was comfy, but Willam had been kept awake for a couple of reasons. One of which had been the loud moaning and banging of the headboard that had started up just as Willam had originally decided to head to bed, all interspersed with cries of Sharon’s name that made Willam want to just die. Around five minutes into the ordeal, Willam decided that she’d had enough, turned over to face her bedside table and reached for the hotel phone. Punching in the room number of the source of the banging, she sighed with relief when things in the next room fell silent and a clearly irritated Alaska picked up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Oh I’m sorry, I thought this was the room of Minister for Social Affairs and Citizenship Sharon Needles?” Willam sing-songed down the phone, delighting when she heard Alaska’s voice catch in her throat on the other end of the line. “Don’t shit yourself, bitch. It’s me. But be more fucking subtle. Or fuck more subtly. I’m scarred for life here, I’ve got fucking PTSD. Post traumatic…scissoring disorder.”

Willam could practically hear Alaska rolling her eyes. “You’re a first class cunt, you know that?”

“Night night, sleep tight, hope your sex was shite,” Willam deadpanned, before crashing the phone against the receiver and turning over once more in bed.

That had been the only distraction of the evening that Willam could physically prevent or even interrupt. But for the rest of her attempts at sleep she’d been tortured by her own thoughts. Primarily (or at least that’s what she tell herself) thoughts of Sasha’s speech ran riot in her mind, Willam feeling more and more irritated with each passing minute at the Justice Minister’s audacity to attack Sharon as she had done. The fact that Sharon had had to follow Darienne meant that anything would have been an improvement, a fucking mammal with a head, but Sharon had really taken a failing department and launched it into the stratosphere. She couldn’t understand where Sasha’s remarks had come from, and Willam was convinced that Sharon had been doing a formidable job. She’d been fruitlessly grasping at ways Sharon could get back at her the next day, interspersed with stabs of guilt at the thought of resorting to childish point-scoring. Still, if they weren’t fighting fair then Willam was prepared to be as petty as was allowed.

Every so often these thoughts of irritation would be balanced by stomach-churning thoughts that made Willam’s heart feel constricted and panicky. Today was possibly the most time she’d spent in Courtney’s vicinity for quite a long time. It was easy to avoid her at work because she could just escape to her desk and sit and become engrossed in her own jobs. But today had been exhausting, and every single thing Courtney did managed to make Willam’s heart ache all the more. Why the fuck could she not just get over the stupidity of her feelings? She’d been distancing herself from Courtney for about a month and a half now, but the desired effect- that she’d be over her by now- just wasn’t happening. There was a particularly scary thought that barged into Willam’s brain at around midnight, which appeared in a sort of scary whisper.

If I can’t get over my feelings for her, I just need to tell her about them.

Willam had physically grit her teeth, helplessly pulling her pillow over her ears in an attempt to keep the thoughts away to no avail. How could she even have thought a thing like that? How would that be successful in any way? There was no way Courtney would react well to such a thing, let alone return her feelings. But memories stabbed at her mind, little small things that Courtney probably didn’t think twice about but things that Willam clung to like a comfort blanket. The biggest one was their kiss at Christmastime, but there were other occurrences too- meaningful looks, awkward blushes, cryptic sentences which had been started and then dropped.

Stop this.

Closing her eyes again, Willam attempted to clear her head. One of the very few helpful things her mum taught her when she was little was to count to the highest number she could think of until she got to sleep, so for possibly the millionth time that evening Willam began to go through the number line obediently like a small child.

She’d got to possibly 103 when there was a whisper of a knock at her door, so small that Willam couldn’t be sure she’d heard it until it came again, a little louder but still incredibly hesitant. This was no member of staff. Dread collecting in the pit of her stomach, Willam slid out of bed, padded over to the door then peered through the peephole.

Who she saw on the other side made her truly believe that God absolutely hated her with a passion.

Sighing heavily, Willam opened the door to reveal the one person she didn’t want to see on the other side. Courtney’s stance was apologetic and she didn’t meet Willam’s eyes.

“Hey. You okay?” Willam asked, admitting to herself that there had to be a good reason she was knocking her door at 1am.

“I was up at the bar with Farrah and lost track of time,” she  began, her voice soft. “It was only when I got to my room that I realised I must have dropped my key card somewhere…I knocked on Alaska’s door, but she must be asleep. Reception’s closed…I wouldn’t ask, but…”

Trying her best not to show her visible dread, Willam simply stood aside and held the door wider open, allowing Courtney to enter. She thought briefly about switching the bedside light on or offering her a comfier alternative to sleep in than her current velvet leggings and off-shoulder yellow top, but she didn’t want to run any risk of her kindness being misconstrued as anything more. Settling down under her sheets and feeling Courtney slip under the duvet beside her, it was miles away from their last time sharing a bed. Willam had never felt more tense, terrified of brushing against the other advisor.

“Thanks, Will,” Courtney’s soft voice drifted into the darkness and felt like a stab to Willam’s gut. “You’re a good friend.”

“It’s alright.”

Exhausted, Willam returned to staring into the darkness, resigning herself to the fact that if she wasn’t getting any sleep before then she certainly wouldn’t be getting any now that Courtney was sharing her bed. Her heart ached, hating the fact that she had allowed the other girl to affect her feelings this much and wishing she could return to the old friendship they shared. Anything was better than this.

After an ambiguous amount of time- it could have been hours or minutes- Courtney spoke again.

“Willam?”

The almost-question hung heavy in the air, Willam’s breath completely stopping at the weight her name suddenly held. She couldn’t bring herself to speak.

Courtney, obviously believing the other girl was asleep, gave a little sigh. “Never mind.”

The previously cosy bed suddenly ice cold, Willam felt goosebumps prickle at her skin. They were centimetres from each other but Courtney had never felt so far away, and Willam’s thoughts from earlier hung like a weight in her mind.

[saskicss-blog]

hihihi pals it’s still meee local sleepy bb elise but this is the new n improved cass ! who is now called saskia and has cailin russo as her fc instead of cami (rip cass/cami my loves). i realised i never did the proper intro post for cass ?? i cheated n linked to her bio oops so here is the loooong overdue intro post :)) also dont pay attention to my theme ummm im not happy yet ! also i will mssg those i have big connections w/ to adjust them or get smth new !!

saskia has lived in san diego for four years, but before that she lived in san francisco - all about the sans -  with her mum and dad but no siblings (sometimes she wondered what life would be like if there was someone else around, but she never necessarily regrets that loss - can’t miss what you don’t have. not many of her friends had siblings, she was all about that only child vibe).

her dad was always p controlling growing up, but saskia just considered him to be strict n not much else - he wanted her to be the best of the best, n she started thinking that she could be, that she was, even if her insecurities ran deep as a result of all the pressure he put on her ! my poor bb but obvs all of that was buried as far as it could go so he wouldn’t see

she was fifteen when her dad thought it was time she knew about the family business, as she had known for a long time not to ask any questions about it - he was always so secretive and her mother would back him on anything, always putting her husband before her daughter. To say she was shocked to find out that her father was a drug dealer was an understatement, she would never have guessed it, having thought it was a job for people with less money than they had and individuals that had no other choice - not someone that would choose it. The fact of the matter was that her father was selling to other rich men that wanted to properly unwind after stressful days running big businesses - and he liked bringing saskia along. Even when she was younger she looked older, mature, so he’d make sure she got all dolled up and come to the swanky parties with him.

Things carried on that way for two years before it all caught up with him. Saskia was surprised he didn’t attempt to bring her down with him, but the trial was swift and he was given the maximum sentence as the officials wanted to make a show of being tough on white collar crime. At least that’s what Saskia was always told, for her mother decided she shouldn’t have the whole story, making it the only instance in her years of motherhood in which she tried to protect the girl.

What the blonde wasn’t told is that in a drug deal gone bad, in an effort to preserve his reputation and avoid getting ratted out by an unhappy client, he shot someone and they died. After the trial saskia’s mum left town with the money that they had left - all that she could grab - and saskia was left with social services, rehousing her as she had just turned 18. And with that, Saskia moved to San Diego.

Without the financial support she was used to, she had to get herself a job and work for everything she wanted, which has been a massive culture shock. While there was some money saved for her in an account, she’s wasted most of it furnishing her apartment and buying things to make herself feel better after losing both of her parents and her life in san fran. Her upbringing has had a big impact on who she is, torn between a sense of superiority and deep set insecurities, struggling to showcase her emotions after years of being told it was better to bottle it up rather than bothering people and showing a weakness that could be exploited.

Saskia likes to give off the impression that she’s a hardass because that’s what her dad wanted, but she’s scared more often than she’ll admit. She often lies or hints about things she’s done that she hasn’t, and enjoys the reputation she’s been building for herself - she believes that rumours often do more work than having to do the wild thing itself, and in conversation tends to act coy and refuse to give details so that people make assumptions about her life. For example, she’s only slept with two people but likes people to think she has slept with many more so that she might suggest she doesn’t form emotional attachments, is able to do as she pleases without repercussions.

While it was a dream that her father always discouraged, whilst in san diego saskia has let herself get into writing - something she always wanted to do.Having her tendency to fabricate she believes she’ll write great fiction, and her goal is to be published one day, even if at the moment it’s writing scraps while at work.

She can only be truly comfortable with a couple of people, more concerned about her reputation with the majority, and she tends to tailor things to the person she’s with so that the right persona will come across. Not even knowing the full story herself, she’s only told one person (her bffaeaeae) that her father is in prison and her mother abandoned her, not wanting that vulnerability to be public knowledge - she skirts around the topic if people ask about her family.

Before she moved to san diego four years ago she lived in san fran with her super controlling father and her pushover mother - her father had v high hopes n refused to accept anything less than exactly what he wanted, and her mother would never intervene. She’s now got deep set insecurities bc of her dad and her mum not wanting to do anything about it. Aged fifteen she found out what her secretive father did - selling drugs to rich old men that needed to relax after running the big biz !!

other bits and bobs

avid but secret doctor who fan bc why not

basically drug dealer princess but daddy is in prison so she needs a job bc all the money is gone !!! he left some to her but it ran out. also she doesn’t know that he killed someone she just thinks he got caught with drugs. it was a few years ago n nobody told her bc she was underage

not good with emotions n stuff bc her dad was always on at her to be a hardass and not let anyone get to u bc that’s when you’re weak

trying to be a writer n so does a bunch of wacky things to get inspo for her book bc the best writing supposedly comes from experience - thereby willing to try anything once

only slept with one person maybe two but likes having a reputation that she’s slept with more, always coy about it n hinting

she can be kooky n a bit wacky w/ people she’s comfortable with

some connection ideas

romantic

the one she lost her virginity to jameson the one(s) she thinks is attractive the one she says she sleeps with the one she dated wren the one she rebounded with after her first love (virginity person) jason the one she loves to hate and hates to love the one she flirts with the one she almost dated

platonic

the only one she trusts completely the one that’s just a colleague the one that helps her get through her shifts the one she lives with emmery the one she can talk books and writing with nico the one she drinks with the one she hates the one she’s rivals with the one she’s fake friends with karina the one she’s been friends with since she moved the one she goes crazy with the one she bothers the one that understands

bits of cass/saskia that are the same

her desire to do crazy things

her struggle to deal w/ relationships n stuff - her inexperience

some people thinking she’s sweet n underestimating her capacity to do some damage

the chaos of her growing up - now a bit more intense ha as it was an ever changing foster family n now it’s a drug dealing father and a mother that might as well have been called acquiesce

not entirely genuine, although it’s more of an intentional thing with saskia than it was with cass

so that’s saskia, this post is such a mess pls but hmu for things !!! basically for a v short summary she’s a little sarcastic thing that wants to be a hardass but isnt really even tho she likes to stir shit every now and then and will fabricate things to keep up a reputation bc her drug dealer dad was super strict n she’s gotten practice lying about things from him and after he was in prison bc she doesn’t like telling people

[the99thchapter]

34

the following are entries from my lunadiary.

2018.12.24 p.m. 01:54  - the last week of 2018 x - let the past be bygone they say, little did you know, the sufferings and obstacles i had faced, To be where i am today never forget your struggles because they're a reminder for every hardship 

2018.12.27 p.m. 08:34 the luxury of happiness x - to feel happy is a luxury because not everyday is filled with joy So If i get to feel happy for every one second I'll be grateful i don't want to feel nothing Forever

2019.01.17 p.m. 05:06 Tbh - Hypothetically speaking, i don't know if I'm passing my stats and cma paper. I didn't revise in depth and I'm just guessing answers. Reminder to myself that if i failed, it was because i wasn't being hardworking enough. I was being complacent. I deserved this. 

2019.04.01 p.m. 11:15 what happens next?  - howto: cope with a broken friendship are there any cures for it? Guidebooks, therapy or prayers?I lost a friend because of my actions. Came to realization that I'm always hurting others. I know how it feels like, and I'm doing it to the people i love. I am the worst.

2019.04.11 p.m. 05:38 My parents.  - My mom thinks I'm here to ruin her life. Look, I'm not trying to make anyone cry or get hurt. But it always come back to the fact that i cause great pain to the people around me indirectly. I made my family cry. I made a friend cry. I make myself cry. It's like i am this terrible person who's causing so much pain to others. I don't get better. I get worse. 

I know my mom has been looking at me like I'm a monster for a while now. Years. She doesn't say it but i can tell. I'm no longer treated like a child, i get scolded like a stranger and I'm not worth of importance anymore. I think this is the universe way of telling me that I'm on my own and i should just deal with it. My dad wants to get closer to me but i push him away repeatedly. I'm a mean person but getting closer means opening up walls and i don't intend to do that. After having broke a parent, this parent should stay away from me. I hurt people so he shouldn't have to deal with me. He's a great dad but he's unlucky to have me. 

My parents are great people and they've been through a lot. My existence is nothing but a nuisance since the beginning. Please, universe. Do them a favour and do myself a favour. Get rid of me. Help them. Save them. That's all I'm asking. 

2019.04.23 p.m. 10:59 Plus one - all i ask for is a man who has a good heart. Someone who is polite in words and actions. not necessarily pious but does his five daily prayers without fail. Able to guide me on the correct path and be my jodoh in jannah. protect me from the evil and love me for who i am. Respects my family as a whole and accepts us for who we are. 

2019.05.09 p.m. 02:03 day 4  - Ya Rabb, i ask that you strengthen my iman. Encourage my heart to perform the five daily salahs and to dzhikir a lot. In this holy month i want nothing but truly your blessings. Taufiq hidayah. Rahmatilah kami semua, terimalah segala ibadah and amalan kami. I'm striving to become a better muslim in the eyes of no one else but Allah SWT. The most gracious, the most merciful.

  2019.07.08 a.m. 09:38 What is wrong with me?  - These words are haunting me at night. Every time i close my eyes, i hear it. "Why are you like that?" "You're not good enough" "The world doesn't need you" "Stop being useless to us." "You're a bad person." Hey, Reality check, i am indeed what these statements truly meant. I know for a fact that no one actually likes me. I radiate bad vibes negativity. People pretend to like me. My personality's kinda fake. Is this why no one wants to stick by me? Is that why the friends that i have now are only pitying me? What do i lack? How can i be a better version of myself? What is wrong with me? 

2019.08.01 a.m. 11:31 the first of august - D-23 to my birthday! To an age that society defines as a brand new decade! My 20's will be the coolest. I can't wait to get my first full time job, to graduate with my diploma, to hop on an airplane, to travel to cities, discover the world, meet people, find love and connection, try new adventures and to simply help the needy.  

2019.08.26 p.m. 02:18 - today i had my last exam for 2.1. the end of a semester. right now I'm sitting i’m the mrt. On my way to bugis. To buy film. But all i can think about is Will today be the day? What if right now is the moment? 

No current commitments. No plans. Just myself. I'm thinking about how in the midst of being surrounded by work to do, i have no time for myself. To recharge, to check in and ask if I'm truly okay..Because I'm not. I really am pushing or suppressing emotions. I'm not allowing myself to let go. No anxiety attacks lately. Am i getting better? Or is this just my mind playing tricks?

2019.10.01 p.m. 10:57 cbtl  - I have work at 8 am which I've decided not to turn up for because i think it doesn't matter if I'm there or not..i love the nature of this new job and the learning outcomes from it but it's been 3 weeks and it's tough. i get that it requires the ability to be quick and precise but i just cant you know? With this particular mgr breathing down my neck every single time, i feel so tensed?? i know the reality is that not every job will be easy but i don't think this barista thingy will work out for me :(  and I'm not deciding to ditch work just bc i can't handle things, but I'm tired from getting belittled for minor tiny ass mistakes i do. Why do people find the need to raise their voice and speak in a degrading manner while pointing out my mistakes which are so frickin small in front of others? To train me to be vigilant next time? Is it working? Yes. But did it hurt my self esteem? Totally. You saw my igstory lately... the one about smacking my face? It still upsets me :( I wasn't rude or anything i was honestly in a confused position. Because i genuinely did not know the exact ingredients to make iced latte (i wasn't taught yet) and the same mgr thinks i do even after telling her i dont!! I asked her if it's made from iced water base but she kept emphasising the word 'ICED LATTE' indicting that i was dumb and she got fed up and said it's milk based + I'll smack your face..rude. She could have told me. The thing about me is that i remember lists really well so if she'd told me at the beginning we could have avoided this moment that ruined my day and hurt my feelings. I know it was my fault for not practicing much last week so that's why when i was asked to make hot espresso drinks it caught me off guard. I told the same mgr that i did not have much opportunity to do so bc the other workers mostly made the drinks and she still belittled me. Also i had to make this drink called Hot Vanilla which is similar to Hot Chocolate and i remember DISTINCTIVELY that one of my colleagues taught me to use cold milk as base so i did the same thing and one of the other colleagues saw and again... in a loud degrading manner pointed out my mistake and proceeded to say things like "YOU ASK AND ASK SO MANY THINGS THEN DON'T BOTHER REMEMBERING SO U ASK FOR WHAT" in a really mean tone... that was uncalled for. i had to choke up my emotions and reply an apology in a joking manner like i always do bc idw to cry.

2019.12.18 p.m. 09:39 the decade in recap - 2009-2019 i was 10 years old then but I'm 20 years old today. I really grew up uh? I went through so many things. I did them. I became who i am today. 

2020.01.21 a.m. 08:45 three weeks into the new year and I'm already over it - year, please be nice to me. I've cried way too much. I don't want to be sad all the time. I want to feel like myself again. It's been years...that for some reason happiness and a good life can't work hand in hand for me. 

2020.01.23 p.m. 08:57 work hard and work smart?  - I studied only two days prior. But in those last two days i put in a lot effort. I sacrificed sleep, my health, hygiene and everything into utilizing every second to absorb as much studying as i can. I convinced myself that i can do it. I can make things work. But did it? I took my tax paper and did mistakes...obvious unforgivable mistakes that i actually practiced so hard on but still did it. I took my finance paper and my mind decided to omit the one information that i needed to answer that question even though I've memorized it repeatedly in my mind beforehand. It's really times like this where i truly am disappointed with myself. I could have done better had i put in more effort. I could have aced it if i did my preparation early. I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling like I'm not as good as my peers. This whole week was so tiring for me. I was alone and realized that i am ALONE alone. My friends? They don't even care about me unless i took initiative to approach them. It's been suffocating lately, trying to take in all the crap that I've been getting. I'm so tired of crying. I don't even want to feel happy anymore. What's the point....

2020.02.19 p.m. 01:06 1 down, 4 more to go - auditing.... you're not my cup of tea. I'll admit it. in the beginning i didn't understand what was going on. but after literally crash coursing on the whole module this past week, i can say i still don't get it. But nevertheless i think i did ok for the paper. Idk. I thought I'd failed my mst only to be surprised by the score. So maybe the universe will work the same way this time. Or not. 

So today i will be going on a full-blown revision marathon for my three papers next week. I'm pinning my hopes on getting at least B+/A for FOT and FOI. IF? we'll strive to get one level about the bare minimum. 

I hope this semester sees an improvement in gpa or maintenance of my current one. Would really break my heart to see it plunge down. To future me, we'll be okay. If we're not, don't beat yourself to it. While the whole "grades don't define you" advice does give a sense of relief, it means shit. Grades matter... At least for university. 

Remember that one day we'll get a degree. Failure isn't forever. 

2020.05.30 a.m. 04:37 Why i don't ask about my jodoh in prayers  - while i do romanticize love based on fiction and the amount of love series i watch, i don't necessarily crave for it. I used to, but i don't. One reason could be that i am not surrounded by many malay guys and two, i am not in a position to be able to experience it. It's both. I don't try and I'll not try. 

[nchyinotes]

Race, Mental Health and State Violence: A Two-Day Symposium. (Panel 1 - Critical Intersections)

April 9 2018

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/race-mental-health-and-state-violence-a-two-day-symposium-tickets-43160409948?aff=erellivmlt

Thoughts: I was only able to attend Day 1, Panel 1: Critical Intersections. All of these talks were important and provided some really great statistics & sources, but the one I found most interesting was the first by Fatima. I found her insights about personal experience as a (female) researcher fascinating, and I enjoyed hearing select interviewee’s stories in detail. I also appreciated distinction she raised between the perception of Black vs Muslim looking men and that intersection, as that was actually a conversation my Muslim Egyptian friend (hi Alshymaa!) and I were talking about at a war on terror exhibition a few days before this talk. While I still found the talks informative, I felt like they definitely focused a lot more on race than they did mental health. While I don’t know much about mental health in the criminal justice system, I did my final year research essay on mass incarceration in the US, so I am quite aware of how race factors in. So while the British statistics were different from the sources I studied (and it was helpful to see UK centric numbers), I personally wish that there was more about mental health in these talks.

intersections of muslimness, race, gender & mental health (fatima rajina)

form of biological racism - south asians perceived to be muslim even if they aren’t. stopped & searched based on how police perceive them.  

black muslims?

grenfell, palmers green, london bridge, manchester, ??? bridge - all the attacks last year happened during research period

muslim men, a lot of people were getting paranoid in being interviewed in public about (counter)terrorism

female interviewer - men more comfortable in crying & opening up & showing emotion in front of rather than men

one young interviewee, 20 yo been harassed since 16: active on college campus in east london, group of muslims organised a petition against a legislation, teachers weren’t happy about it & saw them as a nuisance. thinks one of his teachers gave his name to counterterrorism (prevent officers)??, wakes up and saw two police outside his house in the morning, being interrogated there & then.

way they spoke to and addressed him —> lots of coercion

offered a role as a snitch (role in counter terrorism)

got random no caller ID phone calls at ridiculous hours, asking if they’ve thought of their proposition as a snitch

really struggled during this time, was wetting the bed

felt like an attack on his masculinity - cannot express himself, how he was treated by police

white irish in SE london, muslim convert:

was accused of being a terrorist within 2 years of converting

in 2006 he travelled to syria (way before the conflict kicked off in 2010), looked like your typical white backpacker. was interrogated at this point, visited by the police + put on control order (“secret evidence” used against you, essentially on a tag, like severe bail conditions)

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/libertycentral/2009/feb/03/civil-liberties-control-orders

https://nearlylegal.co.uk/2007/11/control-orders-and-secret-evidence/

felt his masculinity was constantly being questioned, wasn’t offered any compassion

was unemployed, forced to go to this police station an hour away

2 year legal battle to be freed [famous case, been covered nationwide]

whiteness has been stripped off of me because of my religion (when became visible muslims in public - gets questioned where they are from)

they tried to break him down - he had to seek therapy, be put on medication. they were aware of the context of him breaking curfew etc but still treated that as a penalty

black jamaican, muslim convert

when police stop him its not because he’s muslim (or has a beard), only when his name (arabic) comes up does the intersection kick in

black male supersedes whether they’re muslim or not

interviewed about 8 girls (non/muslim)

female muslims have experienced violence from CT officers through male in their lives - “the conversation" was had at like 11. sisters responsibility to look out for brothers, if they’re present may calm things down with officers?

south asians, generally associated with islam already: paki bashing (her parents gen) —> muslim bashing  (her gen)

terrorists - white or brown. black people are “gangsters”, not terrorists. they never get told to go home ??

arrested safety: intersectional police violence, neoliberal securitisation and abolitionist visions (Vanessa-Eileen Thompson)

increasing securitisation (ie. policing) in parts of post colonial europe - urban policing, slow violence

recognisability of criminals?

“districts of danger” - police can check anyone without any individual suspicion, generally where (san p?? in hamburg, in 2001)

criminalisation of right to exist, to space and to move

forces you to decriminalise yourself in front of others

institutional racism makes it hard to counter racist policing on legal basis - swiss legal ?? black person ??

policing as a form of property, appropriating radicalised bodies

black people call police for help, but they are then being abused by the police instead - outside of the safety they’re supposed to enforce. repressive measures + criminalisation that can lead to death.

death of dominic ?? in germany, 2006

christy schwundeck - shot in job centre. struggling with depression, trying to get child out of foster care

race, gender, migration status, mental health —> threat, unworthy of safety + protection

pathological threat instead of a subject worth of safety and care

for them the police never means safety

mental inferiority is so much part of colonial projects (slavery) —> mental health is at centre

quality of life crimes - public nuisance

police + prisons have become substitute solutions to mental health crises

more likely to cause them to get in contact with these institutions + everyday triggers & makes it worse

starts with racist profiling

networks of communications + warnings - counter control maps, text messages, calling someone became the primary ???, stoplecontroleaufacies.fr (documenting cases to stop the normality of this phenomenon)

how does a society without policing look? caring instead of punishment. rooted in methods of care rather than institutional violence

reinstitutionalisation in an age of deinstitutionalisation (Zin Derfoufi)

S136 Mental Health Act - police detention power

to remove people who appear to be in “immediate need of care or control”

can use reasonable force if necessary, detain for 72 hours + possible extension

really about social control at the end of the day

reliable numbers by NHS digital vs detentions recorded by police (FOI requests) - 352 people are detained by a police force every year

lack of continuation of care —> many people end up back in

race and differential experiences - completely ignored in the debate about mental health

people from ethnic minorities are more likely (esp. black) to be detained

there isn’t much good data out there, because the forces have not been recording it properly

“mixed ethnicities” much higher to be detained under mental health act?? (even than just black - v surprising)

social control actors - general rise in use of powers

law and violence at the intersection of race and mental health in custody environments (Dinesh Napal)

public sentiment - demonising victims of police brutality + increased militarisation and state violence

law has failed to act as an apparatus to protect people from state violence

data is a medium for representing scale of issue, should never be held in higher regard than stories of individuals

in 2012, blacks 30x more likely than white to be stopped and searched (in england/wales)

dismantle idea of BAME/POC - dilutes the ways in which distinct racial groups face unique ways of oppression

black people targeted under MHA

chinese at the bottom (even below white)

laws on use of force: reasonability and responsibility, lack of clarity in enforcement

no convictions

statutory provisions are not enough

deaths in custody = state sanctioned deaths, extrajudicial killings

scope to rethink definition of ^ - no accountability for over 500 deaths of POC in police custody

should be treated as murder/homocide cases from outset

summary executions, state sanctioned murders? burden of proof moved on to individual officer + institution

channel 4 documentary released over weekend

panel

one sided reproduction of an argument, using police numbers, rather than critically investigating

security state is criminalising + capitalising on poor

parents generations likely to call police, because they come from bangladesh / ghana (where the perception is corruption), and there’s an element of trust here in britain. —> youth centres are the ones that get the respect - community orgs.

black/brown police are even worse bc they have to prove their loyalty to institutions / white colleagues — way more traumatic

role of trade unions

creating archives of resistance - what worked, what didn’t, why, how this can be applied transnationally

the police state is organising transnationally - they are traveling + communicating all the time (biometric systems for asylum seekers)

pro restraint should be eradicated

[captain-unlikelynutbouquet-blog]

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Next week I can get my licens, and I already have a car so the only thing left would be car insurance. I asked my mom, who is making me pay for it, how much it would be to be put on her insurance. She said $108 a month!!! I know that I will not be able to afford that. I have enough money right now for about 14 months and that is it. I already have a job, but all the money I make goes toward tuition for private school(long story). Can I have my own isurance plan? Do I have to be under a parent? what are my options? Please help. I have until newt Friday to figure it out.""

""For insurance cost repairs and parts, which is better , the Honda Fit , Subaru Legacy Wagon or Toyota Matrix?""

Im looking for a fuel efficient vehicle to drive one hour into Montreal. I live in the rural area of Quebec known as Rawdon, which is a little mountainous, and the weather can change from slush to ice to rain for periods of time in the winter. Im a musician and cook that needs an economical hatchback to carry my equipment around. A used car salesman told me that the Honda Fit will be less safe to drive in the winter on Quebec roads than the Subaru Legacy wagon will be. Will it make that much difference ? Is there more chance of getting killed in the Honda Fit on dangerous roads ? Im not a fast driver anymore, and don't need any more speeding tickets. Some people might say that the Subaru is a superior car ( 2006 Legacy ) but I just spoke to a friend of mine who used to own a Subaru and she said she was paying a lot of money for parts when she needed to do repairs, and to stay away from them. Are Subaru parts much more expensive than Honda, and please tell me why the Subaru wagon is a better choice, if it is. The engine on the Subaru Legacy is almost double the size, I think 2.5 L as opposed to the Fit 1.5, although both are 4 cylinder., and both are selling for around $ 10,000. I havent looked enough into the Toyota Matrix. They seem to fall somewhere between the Honda Fit and he Subaru Legacy. I think the Fit would probably give the best gas mileage, the Matrix the next best and the Subaru the least. But again, which cost the most to repair ? Toyotas seem to have the highest reacall history out of the three of them. I live in the country and my life has not been functional without a vehicle the last few weeks since my Dodge Caravan died, so I need to make a decision as soon as possible.""

Average cost for motorcycle insurance for a 16 year old?

i know that the rates will be very expensive for a street bike for a 16 year old first rider, but i just want a round about. i have car insurance with state farm so thats who i would get the insurance through. from what i found it will probably be better to start on a dual sport bike rather than a sport bike due to the cost of insurance and the possibility of not being able to get insured due to my age. i want to get a street bike, but i know insurance would be nearly affordable.""

What is full coverage auto insurance for colorado?

I am financing a car and I have to have full coverage but I just want the minimum full coverage I can get that colorado requires. I am setting my dedutibles at 1,000.""

What are full time jobs that have full health coverage?

I am looking for jobs that have full health coverage, being I have MS and need my medicine and could not afford it on a normal insurance, what are some jobs that have medical coverage?""

Is there a classic car insurance company that doesnt require you to be a certain age?

without 5 year license restriction also. i need to find one that will cover an 18 year old with a clean record.

Best medical insurance in maryland?

what is the bestand cheapest medical insurance in maryland

Do I need Car Insurance to drive with a learners permit?

i live in Pennsylvania, i was told that i do not need car insurance to drive with a learners permit and i am 16. can anybody confirm, disprove, and/or explain more in depth?""

I am looking for good insurance on a new car.?

I am 21 years old and getting my first new car. Where do you suggest I look for car insurance? I don't have the best driving record. I had an accident in Nov 2002 and a speeding ticket in July 2003. I want to get a lot of coverage, but I don't want to be paying anything outrageous. How much should I be expecting to pay for car insurance?""

How can I get affordable health insurance for my family while i'm off work..?

I applied for medacaid but they said I make to much money. even thou i'm off from work with no insurance and very little sick leave pay.

Car insurance cover query?

I have had an ongoing problem with a succession of worn ignition keys that are a pain when trying to start or open the bonnet on my Ford Focus.Will standard fully comp car insurance cover the cost of a replacement key/barrel if i take it to the dealer?

What does full coverage means to car insurance?

What does full coverage means to car insurance?

Do i still have to pay my car insurance?

i just started driving and i had a small crash im 3rd party insurance i scrapped the car couldnt afford the insurance and mot ect ,i still have to pay insurance for the year so i mite as well have kept the car is there anyway i can cancel as im in financial hardship""

Insurance (california)?

I'm an international student who goes to college in Iowa. I have a college insurance and I guess it convers most of meetings with doctors. Now, I'm taking 3 months-summer session at University of California. I think I 've heard some stuff that I need to have Californian insurance to stay here. What is this? Is it wrong? Plus, my wisdom teeth is coming out recently. It starts to hurt. Does insurance in America covers dental work?""

What is the best insurance?

car insurances like Alstate,Progressive,etc.""

Need help with auto insurance?

For those of you that have a sports car, how much do you pay for insurance?""

How do I determine my house's replacement cost to get an accurate quote from insurance companies?

To get a quote, all of the companies are asking for the replacement cost. I've read that only way to get that is to hire an appraiser. So does that mean I get an appraiser first, THEN start getting insurance quotes? What do I do here?""

""Car insurance question, custom-built cars?""

I was watching a SciFi show where a company in Florida builds cars. From a welded frame, up! For street driving. Can you get insurance to drive such a car? You cannot say 'Ford, ...show more""

nebraska department of insurance print license

nebraska department of insurance print license

How much would it cost to insure these cars?

How much a year would it cost to insure a: 57 reg Renault Clio 1.1L and a 57 reg Vauxhall Corsa 1.1L I'm 18, female live off the main road and the car would be kept on a driveway, i live in a quiet little village in Derbyshire, the insurance groups for both are group 1. It will be used to drive to and from college each day so around 20 miles a day, no enhancements on the car, cars have done 17,000 miles, i have had my license for 1 month. Thanks.""

What's reasonable insurance quote for new driver (UK)?

Hi Everyone! I'm a new UK driver searching insurance quotes for my Ford escort (engine size 1.4). I'm thinking third party only for starters. What sort of ammounts should I consider to be reasonable offers? Also, must I pay the premium in one lump sum? P.S: I'm 23 years old... Cheers!""

Low-cost health insurance company?

I have been trying to do research on the state of health insurance in the US and am not getting much informative stuff. What is stopping a private, non- or for-profit company setting up a lower-premium health insurance company? these are the possible problems i have come up with so far: - the insurance claims will far exhaust the float (is this true?) - the demand will be overwhelming (but this shouldn't be too bad considering the insurance business is not heavy on capital expenditures?) - it would be difficult to cover the high costs of drugs and specialist medical costs with lower premiums - getting hands on enough and reliable data in order to calculate proper costs, probabilities of claims against a potential pool of funds, etc. possible solutions would of course begin with restricting the pool of people granted insurance (restrict by probability of claiming insurance) until more data can be gathered to offer insurance to less healthy candidates.""

What is an easy and cheap way to get a supra up to around 300-400bhp?

i know it wouldnt be cheap but as cheap as possible..also no more than 400bhp yet as the insurance will be sky high i'm 21...i don't want it to be an absolute monster yet but i want it to be able to keep up if you know what i mean..i have about 10,000..why have you got so much at 21 you ask? my dad died when i was 9 and when i turned 18 i got 45,000,, remember i dont want to spend more than 10,00 but will be willing to go a little over.""

Failed driving test...will insurance go up?

I took my driving test today and I was just wondering if my dad's insurance rates will go up(I am 16).

I need help with car insurance please!?

Ok here's the deal, im 18 yrs old and i currently financed a vehicle with the assistance of my mom. I agreed to pay for the car and most of the insurance. I financed the car with the plan of paying only general liability car insurance. After signing the car from the used car dealer, it came to my knowledge that i will have to get FULL coverage auto insurance. The reason behind this is because i need to protect the auto loan that i got to finance the vechicle. It is impossible for me to pay for full coverage of this vehicle as i called for a qoute and learned that i would have to pay an insane 300-400 a month. I dont know what to do, im going back to the dealer to explain the situation and hope he will be willing to get the car back. If the dealer wont agree to get it back, what are my options? Can i sell the car privately and pay off the loan with the money i get from selling it? My goal is to just buy a really cheap car straight up and only pay for general liability insurance. Help!""

What is the best insurance website?

i need to know so i can go to it and get insurance

Where can i find cheap/affordable auto insurance?

I need to find cheap auto insurance but I have agoraphobia. Anyone know of any cheap auto insurances that i could get online?

Change something in my Progressive insurance?

so when i got my insurance with Progressive, i was keeping my motorcycle outside, but now i keep it in a garage. Is there any way i can change the part of my policy where it asks where i keep my motorcycle? I was hoping me keeping it inside would get me a lower rate. Thanks!""

Looking for an insurance company to insure me using VIN/chassis number?

I have bought a beeline Veloce GT50 49cc scooter (still in shop till insured) i cant get plates on it until i give them my insurance documents but im finding it hard to get an insurer to insure me online using the VIN Number / Chassis Number. so im stuck in a loop. no bike untill insurance is had and no insurance untill licence plate number is inserted onto online forms. This is for uk provisional so no answers from outside of uk please. thanks

Is medicaid good insurance?

Im pregnant, nn I'm currently unemployed, without health insurance, and I was just wondering if medicaid ia good insurance?""

How Much is Insurance For a 16 Year Old Girl?

16 year old girl Good school attendance record.Grades could be better. Dallas,Texas. Hispanic(If that matters) Mom and Stepdad have Allstate insurance What is the general price range? And for these cars,can you estimate(I'm NOT getting these cars just curious)I am getting a used Dodge avenger though!(: 2008 Dodge Charger 2010 Chevy Camaro 2008/2009 Dodge Avenger I already asked this in the insurance section but I want more opinions/answers""

Do I need an insurance license in California?

If I work for a licensed insurance agent in California by calling present clients to see if they need more or different insurance and ask questions to get a quote do I need to be licensed? The licensed agent will give all quotes.

How much for ticket for no insurance?

I just got a ticket today.. my car hasn't pass smog and I currently don't have insurance. I have to go to court for this how much do you think they will fine me ?

How much does health insurance cost for a foreign student?

i live in england and want to go to america for university and want to know how much health insurance costs for me if i have a f1 visa. if it is the same as normal what is the average sort of cost of normal health insurance?

Cheap car insurance for teens?

I'm 17 and interested in either a Clio, Punto or Polo. I've looked everywhere!""

Best way to save money on car insurance?

I'm 16 now, and I'm planning on learning to drive a car. I heard that if you have a driver license at 16 years old but you DON'T buy a car, which means you don't buy a car or drive a car or anything like that for 3 or 4 years, your car insurance will be deducted. So I have a couple of questions: 1. Is the statement above correct for California? 2. If #1 is wrong, then if I buy a car but don't drive it, will the money still be deducted after 3 or 4 years? 2. Is there any other ways to lower money spending on car insurance? 3. I also heard that you can combine your driver license with one of family members, but the money will be raised up a little bit. Is this true? And how can I combine my license to other family member?""

Would I lose my auto insurance?

Hey there, I have been in 2ed car accident, and its my 2ed one in the past two years. I was wondering If my insurance would drop me, or cancel my renewal or just raise my rates? If it helps they where both rear ends, and no damages to my car, and just scratch to the other car.""

""Cost of insurance for a Motorcycle, Montreal Quebec?""

When I turn 18, I want to own a motorcycle and get my license. I want to know the estimated amount for the insurance etc.. I heared that it was $5000 a year or something, is this true?""

Can someone explain to me how car insurance works?

I just got my license and my mom wont let me use the car to go out with my friends until I get insurance too. She has full coverage on her car but she said I have to be added to it? Please explain to me how that works. I thought once you had insurance on the car everyone who drives it applies to the insurance...

""Car stolen, insurance paid out, car recovered.. What happens next?""

My friend had his car stolen two years ago, and so he claimed on his insurance. After paying his excess, he received payment from his insurance company. Last week, his car was recovered. What happens with the car now? Will the insurance company keep it/sell it to cover what they paid out? Will it be returned to him?""

What cars get low insurance rates?

I am a 16 year old and just planning ahead for when i'm 17 and get my G2. I want to buy my own car...obviously a used one...a very cheap one. I am looking to spend as little money as possible on GAS and INSURANCE. I understand there are possible discounts for good students, or if you take a driving course...but in general, what cars get low insurance?""

Will getting married affect me being on my parents car insurance?

Will getting married affect me being on my parents car insurance? My mom knows we are engaged my dad won't even know that until December. My husband and I just got married yesterday but our ceremony is not until August. I realized today I am on my parents car insurance. Am I still going to be on there or are they going to send a letter to them saying I am married or something? He already paid the premium until April 2012 with me on it so I don't think they can take me off til then? Maybe at the end of the 6 months I should tell them since I am getting married in 4 months I want to get my own car insurance since it wont be the full cycle done before I am married. IDK I just wanna know if the company will say your married daughter cannot be on your insurance??? I am kinda freaked out.

What is the cheapest insurance for a 17 year old driver?

What is the cheapest insurance for a 17 year old driver?

Who has the cheapest insurance quote for a 16 year old riding a 50cc moped.?

Im 16 next month and im after a yamaha aerox 50cc and just wondering where would be the best place to get insured on it, iv heard comparison sites are rubbish so i tried a few sites like rampdale, justmotorcycleinsurance etc but all seem to be pricing things at 330ish third party only, can anyone help?""

nebraska department of insurance print license

nebraska department of insurance print license

Car insurance question about my 17 year old.?

I want to get a second car and let my 17 year old drive it. I am trying to find a car insurance company that will let me have every thing in my name and have her as the principal driver of my second car. The problem I am having is she is moving down the street. I can not find a car insurance company that will let me have what is called a different garage adress on the car I am wanting to let her use. I am in the state and I have tryed all most all the car insurances companys around here and online. I have even tryed to have things put in her name but it would cost her around 300$ dollars a month to insurance it. And that is just the basic insurance. That is why i want to just keep everything in my name Any idea's would help. And not I not going to lie and just have her drive it and move and not let the insurance company she is driving it.

How are car insurance categories broken down ?

Obviously different cars will cost more to insure with different things affecting the price like engine size performance look and value, but how are these broken down for example when i was looking to buy a car a 2001 1.2 corsa sxi was about 850 to insure but a 2002 peugeot 206 1.1 was 1200 i was 21 and wondered why was the peugeot considerably more seeing as it had a smaller engine was pretty much the same age and was worth the same amount of money ?""

How much do you pay for Tiburon insurance?

I have a 2002 Honda Civic coupe but am trying to convince my parents to look at a 2003 Tiburon. I am 18 years old, have done the safe student driver program, I have a discount from my gpa, and have not had any accidents. Also, my dad thinks that Tiburons are bad cars; I've heard a lot of mixed opinions. Are they reliable cars in comparison with a Honda?""

Does auto insurance cover a person or an automobile?What if someone drives your insured car and they have none

If you drive someone's car who has insurance on their car but you don't have any auto insurance and you get in a wreck does their insurance cover it or could you get a ticket ...show more

What is General Insurance?

Need clarification and knowledge about the car insurance? What is it and is it mandatory?

Help. I've missed two car insurance installments by accident and now they want me to pay the rest in full.?

I've stupidly missed two payments. Not on purpose. I'm pregnant and at college with exams and I'm due in March so my mind is trying to focus on revising, focus on saving money to buy baby things with (which we still need to buy most stuff). and focusing on bills etc. Anyway. How can I still be insured but avoid having to pay them the rest of the due fees for my contract term? An idea I had was to cancel it, and then start new insurance with another company? I would have to pay a new deposit and to cancel the old insurance I would have to pay some money as well. Any other ideas?""

Does anyone know of any good and affordable marriage counslers in york pa?

My husband and I desperately need marriage counseling before it is too late. We are very poor and can't afford much. Does anybody know of someone good and affordable? My health ...show more

Car insurance... ways to lower it?

I know there are many variables but I've found the cheapest insurance company for me and adjusted various thing to lower it, all things are still true to me, but I'm currently looking to pay around 2400 I have found cheaper insurance for around 1400 bit then looking to pay around 1200 for the car, I bought my car for 80 as it was a family members car and needed work, but its all repaired, so the money id spend on a car wouldn't make up for insurance, also I've found insurance cheaper for my car but has a black box fitted to the car if I do that, but I may want to drive later than 11.00pm""

WHat is a good cheap auto insurance? I am an 18 year old male....yes I know I'm screwed.?

It is bad enough having insurance when your a teen male, but when you have a sports car with a V8 in it...well it gets a whole lot worse. I just bought my dream car (a pontiac trans am) and now I would like insurance so I can drive it....the car cleared out my savings(im a senior in high school so I didnt have a whole lot to begin with). I heard viking insurance is good , but IDK. I want to have decent coverage, but also not have my whole paycheck go to them either. anybody have any tips or know of any good insurance companies. ps and no i dont want to sell my car and buy some Civic lol""

Auto Insurance?

I have a 1981 Chevy Silverado that I have poured money into over the years. I was wanting to full coverage seeing as how much money I have put into it. These trucks are very common so they aren't worth a lot. I'd say the going rate for a nice specimen would be $3,500 in my area. I have somewhere around $10,000-$12,000 invested in mine. Can I have it insured for what I have in it or just what its worth? I've never had full coverage insurance so I have no idea. Thanks for any input.""

How good is the Insurance Business in Florida or Texas?

Hello dear people...I'm an Insurance Agent-Broker who would like to open an office in either of those states, can anybody please tell me how businesses are doing right now there?. I'd like to stay where I live in California, but it is crowded here, plus I'd like to start a new life...your inputs will be highly appreciated....""

Need Car Insurance for one month?

Hey I need car insurance for one month only please help me thank you

Should i go through insurance?

Some guy jumped on and dented my hood. Its gonna cost $900.00. He is t paying. I filed a police report and will file charges. Two witnesses no video tape etc. Should i file with my insurance and pay the $500 deductible or just pay it all? Im scared that my insurance will skyrocker and it wont be worth it.

""In an insurance policy, is a Ford Mustang qualified as sports car or coupe?""

A 2005-2010 Mustang. I'm and eighteen year old, first time driver. I know insurance is going to be expensive but I heard somewhere that a mustang wasn't qualified as a sports car because of the two seats in the back, and that Ford made the Mustang a four seater for this reason. Also how expensive would it be? I live in Colorado.""

How much will my car insurance cost?

So im 18 years old . soon im going to drive a 1999 Mitsubishi eclipse gst ( automatic ) I have only been pull over when I was 17 years old for no driver license or permit, driving with no insurance, and blasting loud music, and I did paid the ticket on time too witch was 340$ so I was wondering can I still get a permit or driver license? Because some people said that I can't take it till im 21. Also some people say that i'll have to pay like around 400$ per month for insurance. is that really true?""

Will i have to buy individual health insurance starting 2014?

I have a job I am paying Medicare tax. Is it still mandatory for me to buy individual health insurance starting 2014?

""What is average renters insurance cost in Pensacola, FL?

Renter Insurance for a 1-bedroom Apartment.

Car insurance?

I AM BUYING A USED CAR SOON. THIS WILL BE MY FIRST CAR...SO I DON'T KNOW THE PROCESS. MY QUESTION IS WHEN DO I PURCHASE THE CAR INSURANCE? DO I HAVE TO HAVE CAR INSURANCE BEFORE I GET MY CAR FROM THE CAR DEALERSHIP? THANK YOU FOR YOUR ANSWERS

What is the average cost of life insurance?

What is the average cost of life insurance?

What auto insurance to get?

Im 17. Drive 1993 bmw 318is e36 black Car title is on my name Still live with parents Barely make 500 a month and still need to get new paint job and new tires. Ive calculated and turns out thats around 1k. So what auto insurance would be good for me? At least so it covers the damage done by me to other people.. not to expensive please. East Tennessee

Car insurance?

I am trying to get a quote for car insurance, but am a bit stuck. I got my South African licence in 2002 and exchanged it for my UK one October last year. When they ask you how long you have held your licence....do I say 5 years or less than 1 year. Does the South African one count....I really hope so. We drive on the same side of the road and everything. Thanks""

Is Obama gonna make health insurance more affordable?

Is Obama gonna make health insurance more affordable?

Is there a way for me to figure out how much insurance would cost me with different cars?

I'm 16 now, and shopping around for cars. I was wondering if there is any type of tool on the internet that would allow me to see how much I would pay for insurance with different cars? Say, a Civic compared to a 3000GT/Supra or something sportier.""

Motorcycle insurance?

Hey everyone just looking for some good places to go for my motorcycle insurance. I live in california L.A, county more east. Anyways im 27 no tickets anything for the last couple of years. i know you cant tell me a price but i was looking for places that have good deals and customer services. im just looking for liability. 2007 kawaski zzr. thanks guys.""

What is the cheapest auto insurance in texas ?

What is the cheapest auto insurance in texas ?

nebraska department of insurance print license

nebraska department of insurance print license

Insurance on a stolen ATV?

I just recently had my ATV stolen which I still owe $5,300 on.It does have full coverage insurance through state farm.I still don't know if they are going to pay it off but my question is if they do pay it off and its recovered will I get the ATV back and get to keep it or will the insurance take it or will they do like a totaled car and give me the option to buy it back?""

""Totaled my car, What will insurance do?""

Yesterday I totaled my 2000 ZX3 and almost died, luckily my roof didn't completely cave in as i slid in the ditch after i flipped over, SO my engine and transmission isn't damaged. I wanna save some movie and just buy a car like mine with a blown engine and then switch engines and get the keep the rest of the insurance payout. I already found the possible car BUT i'm not sure if the insurance company will let me keep my car after its declared totaled? The car i found is for only 500 dollars and my dad is a mechanic, so i really need 2 know quick""

How much is your car insurance per year?

what company? what are the pros and cons?

Around how much would classic car insurance be for a 1985 chevy silverado 350 V8?

Around how much would classic car insurance be for a 1985 chevy silverado 350 V8?

How much is a car and insurance going to cost me when I turn 17?

I've got a few hundred pounds at the moment as I will turn seventeen in two months. I really want to start driving as soon as possible, but I'm clueless to how much it was cost me a year and what are good first cheap cars.. Also if anyone knows some good cheap car sites it would help, thanks :)""

Best car insurance company in Ontario for new drivers?

Hey Guys, Got my first car! YAY!!!! I was just wondering if you guys can recommend the best car insurance company and rates in Ontario for new drivers? Please let me know. Thanks.""

Car Insurance coverage question...?

Here is my question, CA policy I have three cars under my policy, I have now passed on one of them to my younger sister who is 21 and lives 50 miles away. However, she is NOT under my insurance policy and I am worried that my insurance won't cover her if something were to happen. I was told by a friend of mine who is an insurance agent that ANY insurance company in CA has to cover her if she has a valid license and does NOT live in the same household as the policyholder (coverage would be extended to her also as long as I verify she was authorized to drive the car). Is this true?""

""When Shopping Around for Auto Insurance, Is Price Most Important?""

The Wall Street Journal published an article a few weeks ago discussing how rate shopping for auto insurance can payoff. You can review the article here: http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703298004574457002796003522.html Some of the tips include: 1. Be aware of your financial behavior 2. Understand what discounts you qualify for 3. Price matters, but service does also Does the cost of auto insurance outweigh all other factors? Were you aware of what insurance companies are looking at to determine costs? How does quality of service factor into your final decision? Full disclosure: As is mentioned in my Yahoo profile, I am here as a representative of State Farm. Our goal is to help people become better educated about how to evaluate insurance needs.""

How much would the insurance cost for a 16 year old in tx driving a dodge challenger?

With a good student discount and a defensive driving course. Also how much would it be for a charger

Affordable health insurance in Arizona?

My dad needs to find some good health insurance in Arizona. He wants to cover himself and my little brother. Any suggestions?

DIFFRENT CAR INSURANCE rates?

me my uncle and my aunt have 4 vehicles in our household. we have a chevy avalanche or , toyota 4 runner limited edition o3, toyota corola s 10, and a harley bike 07. do this vehicles like have diffrent rates each under one insurance plan? its under USAA btw. (the numbers are the year models of car)""

Car insurance so much money?

my car insurance when i was 18 was $155 a month for a 95 honda civic. now i am 19, in the military and im planning to get a 08-12 honda civic. i got a quote on progressive and it said $520 a month, wtf?! i then tried usaa and they quoted me around $250. is there anyway to get my insurance down? i dont even want a car if my insurance will be more than my car payment. any advice or help is appreciated.""

Ideas for quick car with cheap insurance?

I'm 21 and looking to get a new car that's both fast and cheapish to insure. I have 2 years NCB, with a clean license and I've never crashed. I have looked at some hot hatches and fast saloons. I was surprised to find that insurance for a Golf GTi was more than for a C32 AMG, a 180mph car with 150bhp more! I'm tempted by the AMG, but servicing might suck my wallet dry... Are there any other options? Looking for 0-60 around 5 - 6s, good mid range power, 5 seats, and economy at least in the 20s""

Car insurance. What a cheek!?

Got renewal yesterday for 449 up 10 on this years, when I go directly to the insurers website as a new customer my quote comes out as 279!! Can I cancel my insurance upon renewal and then take out another policy with them?""

Do i need to insure my popup camper?

I just bought an 88 viking pop up camper here in Michigan, and was wondering, do i need to insure it? is it a law? or just a recommendation? im hearing many things when i ask that question and i really need a for sure thing here. i dont want to get pulled over and get ticketed for having no insurance on it. but i also dont want to pay 300 dollars a month for something i bought for $450. Thanks!""

Health Insurance for part timers?

Does anyone have any recommendations for affordable health insurance? My fiance and I work part time and places that don't provide us with health insurance. I'll be off my parent's in December and he hasn't been to the dentist in 10 years. We think he has about 8 cavaties and his wisdom teeth are coming in and pushing the rest of his teeth together. I don't know if we can pick up insurance for a year, get his teeth taken care of, then drop it if it's too expensive. But I feel like we need to do something! So if you have any suggestions for good health insurance companies, I'd really appreciate it!""

Does anybody know how much it cost for insurance for a 16 year old in Arkansas?

Does anybody know how much it cost for insurance for a 16 year old in Arkansas?

Where Do I Find Quotes For Non-Owners Auto Insurance?

I Need It Cheap, Fast, And In Denver,CO.!!!!!!!!!!!!""

Insurance question?

i just posted a question about buying a new car, im 19 years old, and someone said at my age if i finance a new car i have to get full coverage insurance, is this true? how old do i have to be not to have to do that? what if i buy the car under someone elses name-say my mom or dad? i live in california in case that matters""

I NEED HELP WITH MOTORCYCLE INSURANCE!!!!! PLEASE HELP?

Hi there, I expect to buy my bike for next march of 2012. I am Going to buy a 2009 suzuki GSXR-600.....The problem is that I am only 18 years old and my insurance quotes are roughly $1000 a month. Is there any way I can go around this problem or lower the insurance?""

""If someone wrecks another person's car, whose insurance pays for it, the owner of the car or the driver?""

If someone borrowed another person's car and they wrecked it, who would end up paying for the damage? Would it be the owner of the car or the person driving the car? This is knowing that the driver is over 18 and has a license. Thanks, 10 points best answer!!""

""If women are such horrible drivers, why are our insurance rates lower than men's rates?""

If women are such horrible drivers, why are our insurance rates lower than men's rates?""

How do mexicans look for auto insurance in Mexico?

When you live in Mexico, do people use yellow pages, local independent agents, online websites..how do they go by buying auto insurance? Also, what is their biggest problem when coming to the usa and looking for auto insurance, aside from the language barrier?Are the coverage similar, do they have a trust problem, etc..what would be the most helpful thing a US insurance company could do for them? Thanks for your help.""

How much would be the insurance in these cars?

im almost getting my license and i havnt really mentioned any of the cars I want for my first... IM sharing the car with my brother and he has a 3.1 and i have a 3.6... i dont know if you neeed to know that but whatever. My parents are going to say to the insurance people that this is their car that we get to drive every one in awhile so the insurance is cheaper.... but these are the cars a want to know.... 1998-2002 pontiac firebird v6 1998-2002 pontiac firebird v8 1998-2002 chevy camaro v6 1998-2002 chevy camaro v8 1995-ish lexus sc300 v6 1995-ish lexus sc400 v8 2004 chevy avalanche the only reason i want to know what the insurance on these cars are because they are more on the sporty side and i dont want to look at these cars if they are reduculously expencive

How do you get health insurance?

I'm try'na get emancipated from my parents, and they said I medical/health insurance. No ******** answers.""

nebraska department of insurance print license

nebraska department of insurance print license

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/life-insurance-quote-calculator-canada-mark-martin/"

[junker-town]

Reliving Keith Jackson’s perfect call at the end of the perfect college football game

Ahead of 2017’s Texas vs. USC reunion, SB Nation spoke to the three people who called the 2006 Rose Bowl masterpiece with the legend: Dan Fouts, Holly Rowe, and Todd Harris.

You remember the play, don’t you? Vince Young, Texas’ superstar quarterback, scampers to the end zone to end USC’s 34-game winning streak and bring a national championship to the Horns for the first time in over three decades. It’s universally considered one of the greatest endings and most beloved games ever.

But do you remember the soundtrack to that famous play? Dan Fouts does.

“I can recite it to you,” Fouts told SB Nation. “‘Fourth down, for the national title. Young, going for the corner ... he’s got it.’”

On that night, Fouts was shoulder-to-shoulder with broadcasting great Keith Jackson. Along with the parade, the San Gabriel mountains, and New Year’s Day, nothing is more synonymous with the Rose Bowl then Jackson is.

His Roopville, Georgia twang turned Lendale White’s last name into “Hoo-wite” right before the USC back was stopped on a critical fourth down. Trojan defenders weren’t tired in the fourth quarter; they were “beleaguered,” per Jackson. The Longhorns didn’t have two timeouts left on that final drive; they had two “times out.” USC was “Southern California.” Such was the dignity of his speech.

Part of the call’s greatness: how understated it was. Play-by-play announcers aren’t supposed to be bigger than the game.

The man who coined the phrase “The Grandaddy of Them All” always spoke with reverence about this particular venue. This was how he opened the telecast:

The royalty of college football is in assembly at the Rose Bowl, 2006. Bush, Leinart, Young, and their legion. By consensus, the teams rank 1 and 2, with nary a whisper of dissent. The site for this ultimate showdown in college football is one of the most famed arenas of sport: the Rose Bowl, where the festival of postseason play was started more than 100 years ago in the city of Pasadena, California.

Jackson’s colleagues spoke of his humility, which showed from beginning to end of that game.

“I can remember it clear as day, ‘cause I was standing in the end zone on the goal line,” Harris said. “And I saw Vince Young scramble, and I thought, ‘They’re not gonna get to him,’ and Keith just: ‘He’s got it,’ and he laid out. And the fans — half the fans in the burnt orange and the USC fans were just dumbfounded — and he just laid out and didn’t yap over it and just let the moment play out.”

Both Fouts and Harris said that’s the way it’s supposed to be done, a model for how young broadcasters should call big moments.

“It’s television,” Fouts said. “People can see. Too many announcers now have got to fill the words when they’re not needed.”

Jackson will tell you that the stage is for the players, not some “fat-butted announcer trying to make a name for himself.”

Since 1966, Jackson had been ABC’s voice to go along with the college football things “people can see.”

He’d done just about everything you could do, as far as broadcasting was concerned, but his love was college football. In 1998, Jackson retired for the first time, near the age of 70.

He was talked back into it by ABC, which allowed him to only call games on the West Coast, making travel easier for him and his wife from their Southern California home. He mostly handled Pac-10 games in his second tour of duty, typically paired with Fouts and Harris.

“That might be the best crew that I’ve ever worked with, as far as director, producer, stats people, everything,” Harris said. “The camera people, the audio people. And then to be mixed into that, I literally felt that I’d been elevated to the skyrise penthouse. Keith is what he is on TV. He’s a class act.”

Fouts recalled broadcast booths with lines outside, as people waited to “come in and kiss the pope’s ring.”

Even the traditional Thursday pregame sitdowns with players and coaches had new meaning.

“I remember when Alabama came to the Rose Bowl [Stadium] to play UCLA [in 2000], and several of the Alabama players came and had their sit-down with Keith Jackson,” Harris said. “And I remember distinctly, one of the tailbacks, I remember he walked out of the interview with Keith, and he said to a bunch of his buddies that were waiting in the hall, ‘I just spoke with the voice of God.’”

Rowe only worked with Jackson twice: that Rose Bowl, plus a bowl in San Diego earlier that postseason, so she could work into the crew’s rhythm. Rowe had been added after Lynn Swann left to run for political office.

“I’ll never forget, I had to do a pregame hit, and I tossed it back up to the booth, and I was so terrified. Do I say, ‘Back to you Mr. Jackson?’” Rowe said. “I didn’t know what to call him. I was so scared. I definitely had grown up listening to him my whole life. He was college football to me.”

“[An Alabama player] walked out of the interview with Keith, and he said to a bunch of his buddies that were waiting in the hall, ‘I just spoke with the voice of God.’”

Rowe calls it, to this day, the most hyped game she’d ever seen.

But the noise was drowned inside the Texas and USC camps. Reggie Bush, Young, and Matt Leinart were mythical on their campuses. Mack Brown and Pete Carroll were patriarchs in their prime, returning swaggering success to blueblood programs.

Texas had won 24 of its last 25 games. USC had won 34 straight. Big stages were nothing new. The Trojans call Los Angeles home anyway, and the Longhorns had played in the 2005 Rose Bowl win over Michigan, an epic game in its own right.

“I would just go to practice by myself and talk with Mack Brown quietly, and you know, we did kinda go about our prep in much of the same fashion, but then the hype around the game was swirling,” Rowe said. “So it was a very unique — it felt like you were in this little, quiet, private bubble, prepping for the game amidst chaos.”

Harris and Fouts had worked with USC multiple times, and the trio had called Texas’ win over Oklahoma in Dallas. Brown told SB Nation that Jackson requested to do that game, with at least a thought that it would be his last Red River Shootout.

“Not one time in my many years of having Keith call our games did he ever say anything that we asked him not to say,” Brown said. “He was very quick to say, ‘I would like to have information. I would like to know backgrounds, but also tell me how far I can go.’”

The crew’s prep week in the L.A. area included watching practices, where Brown recalled seeing Jackson with Texas coaching giant Darrell Royal, whose name is on the Longhorns’ stadium, and country singer Mac Davis.

Rowe had memories of going to the Tournament of Roses Parade with her father and walking to the game. On the eve of Texas-USC, she had her time with the legend.

“It was just me and Keith Jackson up in the press booth looking out over the field,” Rowe said. “And him telling me stories about games that he had called, in that booming voice. And it’s just this private moment between me and Keith Jackson and him telling me football stories. That will go down as one of the greatest moments of my career.”

For all of the pomp he brought to the proceedings, Jackson reverted to a younger man as kickoff approached.

Some of his final words before toe met leather: “My only expression is, we’re gonna play football, yippee. I thought we’d never get here.”

Fouts had spent five seasons with Jackson, sandwiched around a stint at Monday Night Football. Jackson had done play-by-play for that series’ first season, and when the two had talked over breakfast one day about Fouts leaving for the NFL, Jackson said, “Ya gotta go.” They reunited in 2002 and did the BCS Championship between Miami and Ohio State.

Before Texas-USC, Jackson hadn’t announced he was calling it quits, but Fouts had an inkling.

“That was the tough part about the assignment, because here is the greatest college football — the voice of college football,” Fouts said. “This was gonna be his last game. The thing about it was, it may have been his best game ever, too. He was all over it. He was perfect that night.”

Right before Young’s Longhorns lined up on that fourth down, Jackson said with a chuckle and a nod to his Bible Belt roots: “I kinda feel like Job. I’m too old for this.” When it was over, Young’s game wasn’t just good; the QB had “stepped beyond the pale.”

As a USC player knelt in the corner of the end zone and confetti rained, Jackson pointed out the “agony of defeat,” just like former colleague Jim McKay did in the famous opening to ABC’s Wide World of Sports, where Jackson had served as a reporter and announcer. Jackson’s last telecast ended with a bridge to the beginning.

The broadcast crew that Harris referred to as a family then sent its granddaddy out in style.

“We sat in the parking lot with all our crew after the game, and Keith had been kind enough to bring a case of his favorite wine, and we kinda unwound,” Fouts said. “We were well aware of the significance of the game.

“I felt really good about Keith’s performance and the performance of our entire crew. As a broadcaster, that’s really what you cared about most. How your team did, not the two teams on the field. Our presentation of that game was as good as the game itself.”

Part of his call from his final game now graces the elevator to the Rose Bowl’s television booth.

Jason Kirk/SB Nation

Jackson’s call of Young’s TD will remain in posterity for another reason.

That was the last true Rose Bowl to double as a national championship game, for the foreseeable future. The BCS would add a standalone championship to its rotation following 2006. The 2013 season’s title game was at the venue, but wasn’t technically a Rose Bowl. The Rose is now in the College Football Playoff’s semifinal rotation. The Rose Bowl is still special, but it’s no longer for all the marbles, like it was that night.

Harris has had plenty of gigs, but if you gave him the choice of starring in the booth on a smaller game or taking the sideline for a Jackson broadcast, he’d pick Jackson every time.

“I know when I get older, I’ll be one of those guys that people will say, ‘Hey, did you work with Howard Cossell?’ Harris said. “And I’ll say, ‘No, I worked with Keith Jackson. He was the voice of college football, and I’m a better person for it.’”

[smol-pilots]

code: calico

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

You: role play fuck my brains out bc i just virtually sucked someone's cock and got nothing in return

Stranger: why did you do that?

You: that's not a bad question

You: idk i thought i'd get something in return

Stranger: i guess so. some reward :D

You: yeah exactly

Stranger: it's like in movies, why girls are sluty

Stranger: they want something in return

You: hah i mean it's only fair isn't it?

Stranger: i think its kind of self deception

You: that's also not a bad remark

You: i always blindly believe men

You: i mean not blindly but

Stranger: we believe what we want to believe.

Stranger: so the important thing is what we want

Stranger: i mean, people want to "live happily ever after"

You: tru

Stranger: they imagine family, love and so on

You: but what do i want

You: i don't really fit into that tbh

Stranger: o.k., so what do you want

You: i mean i don't want family

You: i guess i wouldn't mind love but i don't expect it

Stranger: o.k., maybe you want relationship?

You: i don't even know what it feels so

You: i can't really feel any romantic feelings towards people?

You: it's kind of

You: sad actually

Stranger: do you feel like life is meaningless?

You: yeah

Stranger: maybe out of boredom you just try to have some "fun"

You: i mean exactly

You: i don't expect anyone to love me because i know i probably won't love anyone so

Stranger: oh

Stranger: by the way

You: yes?

Stranger: one good song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voi-aQlvP68 heard it yesterday in a movie

Stranger: stange movie, "Calico Skies"

Stranger: strange

You: i'm listening to the song and i really like it, thank you!

You: noted, i'll put it on my to-watch list :)

Stranger: what you said reminded my of the lyrics of this song

Stranger: she's kind of sad because she knows a man will love her, be she will not so much

You: okay i really like the song??? the voice is so nice also i rly like this type of music

Stranger: do you watch Game of Thrones?

You: i watched like 2 season but then i stopped hhh you?

Stranger: i watch it. yeah, 2 season was impressive. the red wedding, isn't it?

You: yup

You: i see there's so much drama now hahah

Stranger: :) yeah, they lost it, i guess

Stranger: the beggining was building impressive,

Stranger: anyway

Stranger: you are f or m?

You: f

You: you?

Stranger: m

Stranger: so why girls suck cocks, it quite nonsensical

Stranger: gross acitivyt

You: i mean tru but i guess it's for the dude's pleasure? also it's kinda fun to have so much power over someone

Stranger: yeah, but this is zero sum game - pleasure for the dude, but for the sucker what?

Stranger: nah, it never appealed to me

You: it's a lot of work actually but i guess all of this is just giving and receiving

Stranger: i think physically it's quite troublesome

Stranger: for a woman

You: i mean it usually takes time??

You: and then everything just starts to hurt bc the dude can't come that fast and it's just

You: uh

Stranger: yeah. crazy stuff

Stranger: but people do many crazy things :)

You: hah that's true

Stranger: what's your country?

You: uk

Stranger: old good uk :)

You: hahahahh

You: you?

Stranger: russia

You: oh nice!

You: ive never been there but i rly want to go to moscow

Stranger: come sometimes, we'll drink a lot of vodka together

You: oh my god no vodka always kills me

Stranger: :D

Stranger: it kills everyone

You: that's like my top three worst drunk moments all involved vodka it's the devil

Stranger: ha ha ha

Stranger: wine is also tricky, it is very intoxicating

Stranger: try a lot of red wine

Stranger: you'll see :D

You: i love wine tho

You: but yeah it also hits pretty hard hahahah

You: how old are u tho?

Stranger: 28

You: ah i'm 24

Stranger: vow vow, we would make a perfect pair :D

You: hahahh we really would :)

Stranger: anyway, why people always try to pair at all?

Stranger: natures call?

You: i have no idea

You: i mean is it really tho

You: i don't think it's nature, it's the culture

You: the society

You: everyone is always shocked when i tell them that i'm single and i don't want kids because they're like??? but how??

You: everyone expects things according to the society they live in and it's kinda annoying sometimes

Stranger: yeah, it's quite strange. everyone want to live by that stream: family, kids, happy life. no alternatives

You: exactly

You: it's like i'm obliged to live my life by this rule

You: and i'm weird if i don't follow

Stranger: but even if people remain single, they want to get romantically involved

Stranger: that is also strange

Stranger: it's like some software inside of us,

You: tru. i sometimes catch myself wishing i'd have a boyfriend and a house and two kids and a dog bc i remember i wished for all that when i was a child. and then once again i see that my parents told me that this is how it is? you get older, you get married, have kids, a house, a job and that's what i also wished for when i was younger

You: i was raised by these values

You: and now that i'm older and i don't want that anymore but i feel like at the same time a part of me maybe still hopes that one day everything would just go the way a young me dreamed it to be

Stranger: when i was younger, i also had dreams about family. and all people about 20 yo i know have the same. almost all.

You: really?

You: what do you want?

Stranger: with time i have seen that this is very big struggle, family, kids, relationship, and "you do not get what you imagine". so i drop those young dreams. they were not realistic. it was illusions of young person. i did not know life and did not know the world.

Stranger: i want to rise above the problems of this life. to get free.

Stranger: not to get entangled more and more

You: the first part!!

You: i really believe that this is what contributed to the majority of crap i had to go through as a teenager and up to this day

You: u see but how does one get free

You: i feel like time to actually! enjoy this life is running out and at the same time i feel there's just sooo much left of it and i'm just passing by, doing things that don't make me happy

You: (bc i don't really know what makes me happy)

You: (imma go brush my teeth and shit i might be gone for about ten minutes okay?)

You: (and shit does not mean take an actual shit i just meant it as "and other stuff")

Stranger: o.k., yes, please do the needful. i'll have some time to reflect. :)

Stranger: i see it like this: I want to be happy just by existing. To rise above my own mental structures, that don't let me feel happy, don't let me feel light and content. I think, if one in his soul "takes everything very easy", not burdening himself with so many false ideas about why he is this or that, and just tries to be, to exist authentically, as a being that is free, then it is good state of consciousness.

Stranger: just to feel that lightness.

Stranger: do i need to do something for that, some big projects of life? I dont think so. Just need to give up some mental stuff. It's all in the mind.

Stranger: if man will simply change his mind, he can be happy. And so many jobs, responsibilies and relationships will not make him happy. It will be just a lot of troubles.

Stranger: anyway, we are all after happiness. the only question is, where is that real happiness

You: that's actually a very interesting perspective that i do find myself agreeing to but at the same time i feel like in theory it sounds ideal and simple but it's really hard to just let go of what's in your mind

Stranger: you are right :) it not easy

You: i was very hung up on the happiness thing as i felt unhappy all the time. and i wondered whether or not you're ever really happy in life. and i asked my mother (u know the older the wiser or smth) and she said that happiness isn't really a long period of time but rather a moment here and there that makes you happy to be alive

You: and that thought made me really sad at the time because i always felt like happiness is something that comes in time - when you get older, wiser, more experienced etc but now i'm discovering my mother wasn't really wrong?

You: at least that's how i experience life

You: my colleague tho, she lovES life. literally loves it. the most positive bright cheerful happy person i have ever seen w my two eyes. and it's just weird bc what did she do how did she achieve this bliss how can she see this life so full of good things

You: it's just

You: so weird

Stranger: it depends on what we do. I think, it's real assessment of ordinary life - happiness are just rear and fleeting moments. but i my life there were some periods where i felt very happy for considerable periods of time. no i do not feel so happy. and with age, happiness diminishes, i think, because the body begins to make a lot of problems. then one is not as energetic as before. and you have to work and survive with less and less energy to accomplish that.

Stranger: i thing technologies, computers, internet steal a lot of happiness

Stranger: i went to asia for some time, and after few months i revived the joy of life

You: that's true but it's also what made it really tough to keep living - that it won't get better in time. i was really sad and depressed for the majority of my teenage years so being alive while people kept telling me it's only gonna get harder wasn't really a good thing for me i guess. but at least my expectations weren't that high hahah

You: that's true but at the same time i depend on them to distract me from life so it's really in contradiction

Stranger: it can get better

You: ohh where did u go

Stranger: it must

You: i mean that's what i want to believe but like someone give me idk an age at which it gets better hh

Stranger: with good strategy, there is way. i think so. because I experienced it for a while. I does not depend on the age

Stranger: i may be unhappy for the rest of my life, if i do not try, and stay as i am

Stranger: but if i will apply whatever i learned about happiness, i may achieve something, as i had before.

You: that's a really nice and positive thought

You: i'll keep it in mind

Stranger: if there is hunger, there must be food. so if we are hungry for happiness, it must be out there. or inside of us.

Stranger: oh my god, it's 1 am here

Stranger: forgot myself while talking this stuff :)

You: but it's just so annoying my time is ticking?

You: hahahah

You: i really enjoyed it tho

You: it's rare to find someone to have this kind of conversation with

Stranger: o.k., lets think of a keyword by which we can find each other on omegle again.

Stranger: :)

You: okay

You: :)

Stranger: i know. "Calico". you'll find me by this.

You: good one. i'm going to write it down so i don't forget :)

You: also so i don't forget to download the songs