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#no one else knew cause it was just up there
helen-with-an-a · 22 hours
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You always have an excuse
Hi. So this is a request and I really liked the idea. Hopefully, I did it justice. I hope you enjoy
Barca Femeni x reader
Description: R always has excuses but eventually slips up.
Word Count: 3.8k
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Shit. Shit. Shit. You were late. You were so late. But it wasn’t your fault; indeed, honestly, it wasn’t your fault. Your parents were not the greatest at being parents. They had you when they were just 16 and far too young to be having children. Sure, they paid for your football stuff and gave you a lot of what you asked for, but it was to keep you quiet and out of the house. You didn’t mind too much. It was easier when you only had to look out for yourself, never telling your parents where or who you were with. You always had a range of excuses ready for anyone who asked – lying and telling your friend’s parents that someone else would be taking you home, saying your mum was just around the corner, she had work so couldn’t come to your matches. It was fine. You knew nothing different.
You signed for La Masia when you were 10. The training was intense, but you loved it. You thrived under the pressure, quickly working your way up the ranks. Your debut for the first team happened shortly before your 16th birthday. You had never felt prouder of yourself.
“And here we have it. At just 15 years old, Y/F/N Y/S/N, making her debut for FC Barcelona Femeni. She’s homegrown, working her way up La Masia ranks. She is definitely a future star.” The commentator said as you made your way onto the pitch. This is what you have been dreaming of since you discovered football. This was the dream that only some people achieved. And you were one of them. A professional footballer. Your life’s goal was achieved.
The game was an easy win. The other team was fighting a relegation battle, as Barca slipped 10 goals past their keeper.
“Vamos,” Patri shouted as she shook you by the shoulders. “A debut and a brace. Is that a Ballon d’Or I see in your future?” You laughed as she wrapped you in a fierce hug.
“Neña, what a performance, hey?” Mapi called as Alexia affectionately hit the back of your head.
“Where’s your Mamí? I’m sure she wants to see you after that performance.” You didn’t even bat an eyelid as you smiled sweetly at Marta
“Oh, she said we’d meet outside by the main gates – saves us from trying to find each other on the pitch and in the crowd.” You waved at the chaos surrounding you. You knew your mother was nowhere near the football stadium – you doubted she even knew you had a football match, let alone your senior debut. It was easy to slip away from the changing rooms; you had significant practice doing it most of your life.
And now you were running so, so late. You had woken up on time, but the food in the house looked a little off, so you rushed to get something from the bakery on your way to the bus stop. But the line was bigger than anticipated, so you were rushing to catch the bus. A man walking in the other direction wasn’t paying attention and crashed into you, causing you to drop your stuff and spill hot coffee all over yourself. That had disrupted your flow, and you missed the bus, having to wait 5 minutes for the next one, which wasn’t a big deal. However, the metro system was delayed. And now you were 10 minutes behind, and then the bus you were supposed to catch from the metro station to the training centre never showed up, so you had to catch an alternative one, making you 30 minutes late. You had texted Jona to tell you you were running late but you knew you had laps waiting for you when you actually got there. You arrived at the pitch hot, sweaty, and tired. This was not an ideal start to the morning.
It was a known ‘Alexia Rule’ that every minute late to practice without a reasonable excuse was a lap. As you arrived at the huddle, one boot on, one still in your hand and your shirt stained with coffee, you could tell she was unimpressed. With all your rushing, you had forgotten to think of an excuse. You didn’t want to tell her the real reason; you had a feeling ‘Oh, sorry Alexia, I’m late because my parents are really shitty, forget they have a kid sometimes, and they haven’t been home in over a week, and the food in the fridge looked a little funky’ would not go down too well. She arched an eyebrow at you.
“Um …” You floundered, thinking about what to say. You could tell her the semi-truth that the metro was delayed and you had missed the buses, but they thought you got dropped off at the top of the road by your dad on the way to work. You could tell them there was traffic, but they all drove, so they knew you were lying.
“You have 30 laps to run at the end of training,” Alexia had a stern voice that you knew meant she was serious. 30 laps? That was basically 10k. Your eyes widened to comically sized proportions. 45 minutes of running around in a circle … after training? She was trying to kill you; you were convinced of it.
“You can’t be serious?” You gawked at her. Her other eyebrow rose to join the other one.
“Deadly.” She said icily and walked away.
Holy fuck. You were really, royally fucked this time. You were so dead. You had to miss training. But again, it hadn’t been your fault. The boiler had broken in your house, which wasn’t a big deal – it was late spring in Barcelona, and you didn’t need heating. But you did need the hot water. You had tried to ask your parents to stay home whilst someone fixed it, knowing that you had training and they could definitely work from home for a day. They had dismissed you with a flippant wave of their hands and continued what they were doing. You phoned the company, asking them to come and fix it as soon as possible. But, as expected, they told you they would be there before lunch, which was the best they could offer. It was now 2.30pm, and there was no sign of them. You had texted Jona this morning, offering a weak excuse of feeling a little rough. You hadn’t expected him to tell Alexia that you were feeling bad, and it sounded like you were home alone.
The knock on the door had you running towards it – thinking it was the person coming to fix the boiler. “Gracias, Gracias. Es el …” You rushed the explanation, not realising that it was not a plumber but rather your irate captain. You froze as you looked up. Shit.
“You look fine, neña. You don’t look like you’ve … what was it? Ah, yes, ‘picked up a little something’.” She was far too calm. You could see her anger bubbling under the surface, though.
“Ale, I-” you tried to explain.
“No, no quiero escucharlo,” she cut you off, a hand raising to stop you. “You lied. You skipped training. Was it worth it? Was it so much more important than training?” She hadn’t bothered to come into the house, standing at your front door, a bag of things meant to help you feel better in her hand. “Here,” she shoved it at you. “You’re on the bench until you can prove that you want to be a part of Barcelona Femeni.” And with that, she stormed off.
Tears welled in your eyes. She hadn’t let you explain … but what could you say? ‘Sorry, Ale, my parents are arseholes and don’t realise that I have a life and a job as well’? ‘Sorry, Ale, I had to wait for the plumber to come and fix our heating and hot water, and no, my parents – the adults in the house – couldn’t do it because they think their time is so much more important than mine’? ‘Sorry, Ale, I’m currently trying to raise myself, and whilst I’m usually ok at it, sometimes I fuck up’? You couldn’t say those things to her. You couldn’t tell her how tough your life could be sometimes … most of the time. You couldn’t tell her that your parents don’t even know you have a game, let alone watch it or attend it. You couldn’t tell her you often wake up in an empty house for weeks because your parents jetted off somewhere again. You couldn’t tell her that you doubt your parents could even tell you your full name and birthday.
She thought you didn’t want to be a part of Barca. Barca was your saving grace. Barca was the only thing that got you out of bed. The friendships you made were the closest thing to a normal family you had. Jana, Vicky, Martina, Patri, Claudia, Bruna, Esmee, Salma … they were your crazy cousins, always making you laugh and willing to go along with your mad ideas. Ona, Aitana, Lucy, Cata, Mapi … they were your big sisters, always protecting you on and off the pitch and lightly teasing you. Ingrid, Caro, Keira, Mariona, Frido … they were the calming aunts that helped you through any predicament. Marta, Paños, Irene … Alexia … they were your motherly figures, the people you could always rely on to love you regardless of what else was happening in your life. Did they think you didn’t want to be there? Barcelona was the single most greatest thing that had ever happened to you.
You looked at the bag Alexia had shoved at you. It was full of healthy smoothies, nutritious snacks, and your favourite chocolates. You could even see a soft teddy instructing you to ‘Get Well Soon’. It made you sob even harder. Eventually, you moved to the sofa. Once you started crying, you couldn’t stop. You cried over everything – disappointing Alexia, having no hot water, being benched, your parents' dislike of you, your seeming lack of support system, how you appeared to fuck up the one good thing in your life. You cried yourself to sleep on the sofa, clutching the bag to your chest and feeling so incredibly sorry for both you and the girls you had failed.
The next morning, you looked horrific – puffy, red eyes, dishevelled hair, blotchy skin. You didn’t even try to hide it as you made your way to the bus stop, ignoring the weird looks thrown your way. You were in a daze as you walked through the metro system and onto the second bus, forgetting to hurry down the side alleys instead of the main road. You didn’t see Ingrid’s car as it drove past you, a concerned Mapi, Ingrid, Ona, and Lucy in it.
“Era que?” Mapi asked, pointing over her shoulder.
“Y/N? Sí, fue” Ona nodded.
“Why, though? She said she gets dropped off by her dad on his way to work.” Ingrid was just as perplexed. You seemed to know exactly where you were going and had stepped off the bus with an ease only known to someone who took the same route every day.
“Maybe it was a one-off? He couldn’t take her today, so she had to get the bus? Although I don’t know why she wouldn’t just ask one of us – she lives on most of our routes to work.” Lucy pondered, all of them confused over you.
“Hey,” Ingrid said as you walked into the changing rooms. You didn’t even smile at her, just nodding and moving to your cubby. “Um … so, how come you were on the bus?” You froze. How did she know you got the bus?
“It’s just that we saw you as we were driving in. If you needed a lift, you could’ve just asked; you know we’d all be more than happy to —” Ona explained.
“Yeh, my d-dad only told me this morning that he couldn’t take me the whole way, so … he dropped me off near the metro, and I just got the bus from there,” you lied, rushing to gather your boots and head to the pitch. It was a blatant lie. Your voice was too high, and your hands shook slightly as you tried to devise a realistic excuse.
“Todas sabemos que era una mentira, verdad?” Mapi looked around as the door swung shut.
The following month in training was awkward, to say the least. After your slip-up with the bus, you made sure to take the earlier trains, getting to training before most people had even left their beds. You figured you’d use the time to prove to Alexia and the others that you wanted to be there. You were still benched, but your name was still on the game day sheet, so you liked to believe they weren’t thinking of selling you or cancelling your contract after the season ended. The issue was getting home. If you stayed late, you were often questioned, but if you were seen walking out of the car park, you were also questioned. You really needed to learn how to drive ... quickly.
Eventually, Jona could no longer justify you sitting on the bench. Barca had the Champions League semi-finals coming up, and everyone noted your absence on the pitch.
“Y/N, you will be playing the next match. You’re going to be a sub around 60 or 70 minutes.” It was a short announcement, but you couldn’t help your heart soar. Did this mean they finally believed you when you said that Barca was the best thing that happened to you? Alexia still hadn’t looked at you since That Day, but she was no longer actively seething, which you took as a win. But now you would be playing in the home leg of the Champions League semi-finals. You were nervous, but not because of the match; you were on a 0 – 3 aggregate, and you were going to be playing at Camp Nou – it was an almost guaranteed win –but because you knew the team would be more suspicious of your lack of parents.
You decided to do what you always did – never look to the crowd, do a lap of the stadium for the fans, hurry back into the changing rooms, and slip away. Simple. Easy. You had been doing it all your life. But you hadn’t accounted for how attentive the team would be. They watched you wearily from a distance, concerned when you made no effort to look to the friends and family section during warm-ups or after the match when everyone usually went to see their loved ones. You stayed back, signing more things for fans, and then headed straight to the tunnel. After the celebration in the changing rooms, you gathered your things and disappeared before anyone could bring them up. You had mastered the art of vanishing like a ghost after matches.
But now it was the final. It was obviously an away game, but everyone’s family came. Even the coaching staff brought their loved ones. Not you, though. Your parents hadn’t known you’d left the country, let alone understood that you were playing in the most prestigious match in Europe for clubs. You were in the Starting XI, but you weren’t nervous. You knew you could win this match; this Champions title was yours for the taking. You didn’t realise that the fact that you had no family would be exposed the minute the final whistle went.
You played the full 90 minutes and an extra 5 for injury time. You were exhausted, but that didn’t matter as soon as the clock ran out. You had done it. Champions of Europe. The screams and shouts were so loud it hurt your ears, but you didn’t care. You felt unstoppable.
“Vamos, pequeña. Donde esta tu mamí? Quiero finalmente conocer a la mujer a la que debemos agradecer por regalarle al mundo contigo.” Mapi said as you sat on the grass, your medal around your neck.
“Más tarde. I just want to sit here and soak this all in.” You waved her away. She took you at your word but made meaningful eyes at Alexia, having an unspoken conversation as you moved away. Alexia watched as you leaned back, resting on your arms, legs outstretched, and eyes shut – head tilted to feel the sun on your skin. She waited for 10 minutes, watching you make no effort to see your family. It was the first thing she had done after the trophy celebration. She had run straight to her mother and sister, thanking them profusely for all their sacrifices and expressing so much gratitude towards them – throwing her sweaty body at them and tackling them into long, tight hugs.
“Do you want to see your family now?” It was the first non-football-related words she’d said to you in well over a month.
“No, I’m ok. I’ll see them later,” you dismissed her quickly.
“Do you know where they are? We could bring them down onto the pitch if you don’t want to stand up.” She wasn’t letting this go. She had an inkling that she hoped was wrong.
“It’s alright, Ale. Honestly. I’m fine sitting here, soaking this all up by myself.” You hadn’t opened your eyes, so you had assumed from the quietness she had moved away. “It’s not like you’d find them anyway,” you whispered as an unwanted tear escaped you.
“Qué quieres decir, cariño?” Your eyes snapped open, coming face to face with Alexia, Ona and Keira. You sat up, trying to hide your face.
“Oh, noth-”
“No me mientas. Dónde están tu mamí y papí?” Alexia asked sternly. You misunderstood her, thinking she was angry at you. You shook your head, refusing to answer.
“Neña, are your parents here?” Ona asked quietly, coming to sit next to you. You took a deep breath.
“No. They aren’t.”
“Do you want to phone them?” Keira suggested, hoping that it was just because they couldn’t take time away from work to attend in person. She also sat down, gesturing her phone to you as an invitation to use it. You took another deep breath.
“I don’t think they even know I had a football match, let alone a Champions League final.” Another tear slipped down your cheek. Alexia sat in front of you, reaching for your hands.
“Qué quieres decir?” She asked again, thumbs rubbing gently over the backs of your hands.
“My parents … I don’t really know how to say it,” you paused, Ona gently rubbing your back comfortingly. “My parents don’t really … parent?” You chuckled lightly.
“They don’t support you?” Keira asked, her hand resting on your knee.
“They don’t care enough. They leave for weeks on end without telling me. I get food and stuff like that on my own. I’m basically raising myself at this point. I don’t think they know I have a contract with Barca. I doubt they even know I play football. They just let me do whatever I wanted as long as I was out of the house, not causing trouble and quiet; they didn’t care. They’re lucky I haven’t turned into a criminal or something.” You tried to add a joke to lighten the mood.
“But you said you meet up with your parents after home matches,” Ona couldn’t imagine achieving half the things she did without her family supporting her from the sidelines.
“And you told us your dad drops you off every morning on the way to work,” Keira added, equally disbelieving – her parents were her biggest fans.
“Yeh, I lied. I just go home after matches. And I get the metro to training.”
“But training is nowhere near the metro, and you don’t live near a metro station either.” She still didn’t want to consider what you were saying to be true.
You explained, “I get a bus from mine to the metro and then a bus from the metro to training.”
“That’s why you were getting off the bus that day when we saw you,” Ona realised. She hadn’t trusted your story but had considered no other possibilities.
“That’s why you're late to training sometimes? Because of the buses and trains?” Alexia asked, her hands never leaving yours.
“Yeh.” You looked down, ashamed of your situation and lying to them.
“And that day when you missed training. You weren’t sick. What happened?”
“I … um … the boiler broke, so I had to wait for someone to come fix it. Which they never did, by the way. I had to phone some random company that massively overcharged me, and the water definitely doesn’t get as hot as it used to.” You babbled nervously. “It wasn’t because I don’t want to be at Barca. It’s the only thing that keeps me going, knowing that I have you guys looking out for me. It makes everything else seem not as bad,” you whispered, needing them to know just how important Barca was to you. You looked around. Patri and Pina tried to do the perfect chest bump as Jana and Bruna filmed. Lucy was chasing her niece and nephew. Ingrid and Mapi were with Ingrid’s parents, smiling widely as they talked. Marta and Caro were sat off to one side, talking quietly. You could see the others dotted around the stadium, talking to fans, speaking to parents, and enjoying the support.
“Cariño, I am so sorry,” Alexia implored. I shouted at you and benched you. I’m sorry I made you think I didn’t believe you took Barca seriously.”
“Why didn’t you tell us, neña?” Ona asked.
“We only want what’s best for you, kid,” Keira added.
“Um … I don’t really know. It doesn’t really matter. It’s been like this my whole life, so…”
“Cariño. It does matter. But we know now, and that’s all that matters, sí?” Alexia stood up, dragging you with her. “Let’s go see my family. Mi Mamí has been asking to meet you for ages. And before you say no, she already has plans for you to come round for dinner one night. Y en secreto, ella siempre quiso una tercera hija.” She said, wrapping an arm around your shoulder as Ona took your hand.
“Oh, Eli will have to fight my Mama on that one, Ale. She always wanted a goal-scoring daughter.”
“Well, my mum says you are more than welcome to stay at her house if you ever visit the UK as long as you cook her paella.” Keira smiled.
Maybe your biological family was shite, but your found one certainly wasn't.
I hope you liked it <3
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weird-is-life · 2 days
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pregnant reader and Spencer fic where he makes her cry on accident 😭😭
Hii lovely, ty for the request🥰! Hope this is okay, warnings: fluff, kisses, like one swear word, reader cries (not because of something bad tho, it's cute), use of pet names (0.6k)
Spencer is running late at least later than he'd told you he would be and he can't stress it more. You've been home alone almost the whole day, and Spencer knows you are probably more than lonely.
But even if he's already late Spencer makes one more stop to get some groceries before heading home to you.
When he finally arrives home, he can't stop apologising as you greet him by the door, the baby bump very visible underneath one of his sweaters.
"Hi sweetheart, I'm so sorry I'm late there was a problem we needed to deal with," Spencer apologises and kisses your cheek.
"It's okay, Spence," you say into his shirt, already hugging him tightly, "I missed you a lot though."
Spencer looks at you like he always does with a too loving smile, "I missed you two, too."
Spencer ushers you towards the couch, he doesn't want you to be standing for too long 'cause he knows your feet would hurt, and also because he intends to cuddle you as much as possible there.
He quickly unpacks the groceries, and remembers the snacks he's bought for you. What he doesn't know is that you've been craving exactly the same snack he's bought the entire day.
"Here I got you these sweetheart," Spencer gives the snacks to you and rushes to the bedroom to change into something much more comfortable than the suit.
You stay still, your eyes filling up with tears as you hold the snacks in your hands.
When he comes back to you, he finds you eating the snacks while the tears run down by your cheeks.
"Woah, woah, woah, what's wrong?" Spencer immediately sits next to you, and starts to wipe the tears away.
"I just....-" you start with small hiccup, "I just love you so much."
A warm chuckle escapes Spencer's mouth, before he's back to comforting you. He's read every single book there's on pregnancy, so he knows how tough it is with the changes of hormones.
"Oh, baby, I love you too is that why you're crying, huh? Or is it something else? Maybe me being late?" He really hope it isn't the latter.
"N-no, I just-... I just really wanted these snacks all day, Spence," you tell him as another set of tears escapes from your eyes, "a-and they are too good."
"Oh sweetheart, if I knew you wanted them so badly i would have bought more," Spencer tells you with a sympathetic smile.
He understands it can be a lot for you from time to time, even if it's something as simple as craving some snack, so he let's you eat your snacks while he wipes away the tears. He does that until the snacks are gone along with the tears.
You look just unhappy about finishing the snacks as you did minutes ago eating them. You give him a puppy eyes, and Spencer is up on his legs before you can even say his name.
"Spencer...?"
"Don't worry, lovely. I got it, I'll buy you more than enough," Spencer quickly gives you a kiss, and goes to put on his shoes, car keys already in his hand.
"Spence?"
"Yes?" he looks back at you so fucking lovingly completely unbothered about the fact that he has to go to the shop again that you think you might start crying again (Spencer loves you so much that it happens a lot, you crying about how much you love him).
"Of course, but only if you really want to. I don't mind going alone."
"I want to," you say enthusiasticly. That is all Spencer needs to take your shoes, and go back to you. He puts the shoes on for you, kisses your bump, and helps you get up.
"C'mon, sweetheart. I'll get you anything you want if you tell me about your day, " Spencer happily listens to you chatter about everything that crossed your mind through the day.
You and Spencer leave the shop with way too many snacks, but it's okay because you're happy as one can be and that's all Spencer needs, okay maybe the cuddles too.
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girlgenius1111 · 2 days
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wavin' from the shore
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screaming underwater part 2 r struggles under the weight of it all. her teammates try to help. the circumstances seem hellbent on making it impossible for her, though. tw for allusions to mistreatment from coaches / trainers. nothing specific and nothing graphic. wrote most of this while i was sad. angst ahead 🫡 [some fluff]
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Your teammates were patient people. They sat with you until you stopped crying and collected your thoughts, which took a while. They didn’t rush you, or ask you questions. They just sat with you, squeezing your hands and murmuring comforting words. 
When you did speak, finally, your voice was scratchy from all the crying. “I don’t know where to start.” 
“Wherever you want, nena. You do not need to tell us anything you do not want to.” Mapi promised, hoping to settle your nerves. She was sitting next to you, but gripped your hand tight in hers, almost as if she needed the stability, too, but she didn’t look at you. Almost as if the look on your face would be too familiar, too painful. Alexia, on the other hand, looked determined, her eyes blazing with anger when she looked at you, though you knew you were not the cause of it. 
“What happened to your face?” Alexia asked after a minute, when it was clear you were still unsure where to begin. 
Every word that left your mouth was difficult. You had to force every syllable, keep yourself talking, remind yourself that you were safe. That you trusted your teammates. “After the article came out? The coaches were really mad, and they didn’t know who’d talked. So they punished everyone. We had to run the bleachers until we couldn’t go any farther. It was really hot, and I collapsed after 45 minutes. Hit my face on a bench on the way down.” 
You told it so emotionlessly, like you were completely detached from the situation. Alexia and Mapi knew it was just you trying to protect yourself, but it was still concerning to see the way you forced your emotions off. 
Alexia thought for a moment, trying to figure out how to ask you more without pushing too hard. “Did that happen a lot? Pushing you guys past a healthy level?” 
You were silent for too long, and when you finally spoke, it was quietly, shame clear in your tone. “What is a healthy level?” 
You weren’t proud to admit that you didn’t know. When you were with the national team, it didn’t seem like there were any boundaries, or the ability to create one. There wasn’t any opportunity to ask for a break. It wasn’t allowed. When you were with Barça, things were obviously different. You took breaks when everyone else did, and occasionally when one of your teammates told you to. 
You didn’t know what your limits were, though. All you knew was that you had to keep going, until someone told you to stop. Both girls looked struck at this confession. 
Mapi took a deep breath, before she answered you as calmly as she could. “You shouldn’t be collapsing. You shouldn’t be throwing up. I… It’s really important to know your limits, nena. Really important. You have to know, so you know when to stop, when to not push yourself too hard.” 
“I didn’t know I was allowed to do that.” You whispered. Mapi’s hands clenched into tight fists, her knuckles turning white. On your other side, Alexia inhaled a deep, shaky breath. 
“We can work on that, pequeña.” Alexia paused. “The article said something about one of the recovery specialists…” she trailed off, allowing you to respond if you wanted. 
“He was fired.” You told her stiffly. 
“Do you want to talk about that?” She asked softly. 
“No.” Your answer was firm, and both girls nodded immediately. You’d taken a big step already, calling and asking them to come over. You’d exceeded their expectations when you actually talked to them, even if it was just a little bit. 
“That is perfectly fine. Mapi and I will see what we can do, okay? Try not to worry about it. I know that is hard, but we are not going to let you near that camp again unless we know it is safe.”
“Thank you.” You mumbled, sending them each a half smile.
The conversation ended there. You were done talking, clearly. You just weren’t sure what came next, now that you’d admitted there was a problem, and shown your teammates how fragile you were. It wasn’t clear to you where you went from here.
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The answer was, apparently, Mapi’s house. She and Alexia had decided without a single word exchanged between them that you needed supervision. Mapi had offered, and privately, you thought it must be because she missed Ingrid, and was tired of spending her days talking to her cat. 
There was no use arguing, the decision had been made, so within an hour, your bag was packed, and you’d been driven to Mapi and Ingrid’s apartment. After you’d been force fed a meal and sent to lay on the couch with an ice pack on your face, Mapi called her girlfriend. She was in the kitchen, and all you could hear were muffled voices, but you were pretty sure they were discussing you. 
Sure enough, a couple minutes later, Mapi entered the room, holding out the phone to you. 
“Ingrid wants to say hi.” She threw herself down on the couch next to you, shoving her face close to yours so that both you and her were in view of the screen. 
“Hi elskling,” Ingrid greeted softly. You’d always been close with Ingrid. Mapi and Alexia were like your sisters, but neither of them were… great with emotions. Ingrid was a sensitive person, as were you, and you’d talked to her about a lot more in your life than anyone else. The minute she spoke, the minute you saw her looking at you through the screen, you were choking back tears. You wanted a hug from her, absolutely desperately, all of a sudden. Ingrid, though, was in Norway. The international break didn’t seem to care what it took from you, you thought sarcastically. 
“Hey.” You said finally, clearing your throat in a way that accidentally told both girls you were upset. 
“Oh, honey.” Ingrid sighed, her eyes flitting over you through the camera, lingering on your wounds, before flicking nervously to Mapi. “María caught me up. How are you doing?” 
“I’m okay.” You lied. 
“Yeah you seem okay.” Mapi grumbled, shrugging when her girlfriend shot her a look. 
“No one expects you to be okay. I know you don’t want to talk, but just remember that I’m here whenever you need me okay? I’ll be back soon, and until then, María’s got you, yeah?” You nodded, but shifted somewhat uncomfortably. “No, I know what you think. María wouldn’t have offered to let you stay if she didn’t really want you there. I know she seems like she’s allergic to feelings sometimes, but she gives really good hugs.” Ingrid reminded you, bringing a slight smile to your face. 
“Really, nena, I want you here. I’m so bored without Ingrid, I called her 5 times yesterday. Tell her, amor.” 
“It’s true. One of the times she only put Bagheera on the screen, and pretended to be the cat for a full 15 minutes.” Ingrid laughed. 
Mapi blushed heavily when you sent her a smirk. “Amor, that was private.” She grumbled. 
“I know.” Ingrid said gleefully. 
“Well, when I walked in the house, Mapi greeted me as Bagheera, and for some reason the cat speaks bad English and has a thick accent.” You commented, a real smile stretching across your face. There really was no better way to cheer you up than to tease Mapi. 
“Fine. Bagheera won’t speak to EITHER of you anymore.” Mapi grunted, crossing her arms and pointedly looking away from the camera. 
You and Ingrid laughed, and Mapi pouted even more. It took a lot of stifled laughs and ridiculous compliments before she turned back towards the phone, although the teasing didn’t end there. 
It was a short phone call, only 20 minutes, but it did wonders in getting your mind off of everything, and by the time Ingrid had to hang up, you were grinning at Mapi, and she was smiling back at you. It didn’t take long for reality to hit again, though, and Mapi watched as your face fell, and you took a deep, shuddering breath. 
“It’s all gonna be okay, nena. I promise.” Mapi murmured, pulling you into her side. You wanted to believe her, more than anything. You feared that this problem, though, wasn’t something she or Alexia could solve. 
------
It was pure chance that Mapi caught you when she did. She’d twisted her knee a bit in the sheets, and a jolt of pain had roused her. Her clock told her that it was the middle of the night, and she was content to go back to sleep, when she heard noise coming from where you were supposed to be sleeping in the guest room. Something in her told her to check on you, and she quickly got out of bed and headed down the hall. 
You were wide awake, fully dressed in running shorts and a shirt, hurriedly throwing your hair up into a ponytail when Mapi walked in. You were still crying, hands still shaking from the nightmare you’d had, and Mapi approached you like a wild animal, her steps slow and measured. 
“Hey, nena?” She said softly. Your head snapped up, and when your eyes met hers, Mapi suppressed a shudder at how absolutely terrified you looked. “What is going on?” 
“Gonna go for a run.” You said in a monotone, reaching for your shoes to slip them on. Mapi got there first, though, pulling them away before you could reach them, and guiding you to sit on the edge of the bed. 
“It’s the middle of the night and you have a concussion, you cannot run right now.” She said firmly. 
“Mapi, I can’t,” you whispered, very suddenly seeming to come back into yourself, hands reaching out to grip tightly onto Mapi’s top. 
“Hey, shh.” She soothed, pulling you into a tight hug. “Did you have a nightmare?” 
“Yeah.” You mumbled, whole body trembling against your teammates. 
“What happened in it?” She asked casually, clearly giving you the option of ignoring the question. 
You answered before you could convince yourself not to. “Barça hired that one recovery guy the national team fired. He came here. Everyone liked him, and no one would listen to me. No one believed me when I told them what he was like when he was with us, before.” 
It was vague, and yet Mapi got the gist. She understood, and it made every cell within her flame with rage. 
“That would never happen. We would never hire him, or anyone that treated you wrong. Never. And we will believe whatever you decide to tell us.” Mapi assured you sitting down on the edge of the bed next to you, and taking your hand. 
“Will it ever stop?” You asked after a minute. 
“Will what ever stop?” 
“This feeling. I’m scared all the time. I don’t feel safe anymore, and nothing I do is ever enough, Mapi. They ruined me. I don’t think I can fix it.” 
It was a horrible thing to hear, something that made Mapi understandably sad. But what really broke her was that she’d had all the same thoughts before. She didn’t really remember how she survived them. Ingrid, she supposed. You didn’t have an Ingrid, not like she did, but you had her, and you had the team. You weren’t alone, no matter how it felt. 
“It stops. It takes some time, but you will feel okay again. You will feel safe again. Whatever you give is enough, pequeña, I promise you that. You are not ruined, just a little broken right now, yes? And maybe you cannot fix it by yourself, but you do not have to. You have every single one of us, and we are not going to stop until you are okay again.” 
You couldn’t put into words how much that meant, how much comfort that brought you. You would have tattooed the statement into your skin at that moment, if you could. Just so you could read the words over and over again. Stop blaming yourself, stop hating yourself. For the moment, though, you settled on leaning against Mapi, and running through the words in your head, over and over. Over and over. 
-------
Mapi kept herself together until you fell asleep, and until she made it out of the guest room. Her phone was in her hand the second she was walking back into her own room though, instantly beginning to pace as she pressed call, and hoped to god that Ingrid had left her ringer on, no matter how selfish it was. 
“Ing?” Mapi asked softly, as soon as the phone was picked up. She almost never called Ingrid that, only when she was really upset, so her girlfriend was instantly on high alert, despite the late hour. 
“Hey, baby. What’s wrong?” 
All Mapi could do was try to stifle her cries in response. 
“María, my love, tell me what’s happening.” Ingrid pressed, starting to pace in her hotel room. 
“I was talking to-to pequeña, and it just-just reminded me of everything, and I do not know why I am crying, I just can’t, Ingrid, I can’t, I can’t.” 
Ingrid forced herself to remain calm, knowing that panicking wouldn’t help her girlfriend at all. 
“María, sit down.” She instructed, hearing some shuffling and assuming Mapi had done as she asked. “Where are you right now?” It was a familiar routine that Ingrid began taking Mapi through, but it worked all the same. She asked Mapi question after question, knowing just how to bring her girl back to her. Where she was, what she was wearing. What lights were on in the room. What she’d had for dinner. Mapi told her that Bagheera was sitting next to her, watching closely, and that you were safely asleep in the room next door. Eventually, when Mapi was calm, Ingrid told her exactly what she needed to hear. 
“She’s got you, love. She’s safe, and you’re safe. You’re not going to let anything happen to pequeña, and I am not going to let anything happen to you. I promise you, María, anyone who wants to hurt either of you is going to have to go through me first.”
Mapi let her girlfriend’s words sink in. “Jeg elsker deg,” she said finally, and Ingrid smiled to herself at Mapi’s use of Norwegian. 
“Te amo, cariño.” Ingrid whispered back. “Go to sleep. Take care of nena. I’ll be home before you know it.”
And if Ingrid would always protect Mapi, then Mapi would always protect you. 
-------
The next day was better, though that was a low bar. The few remaining team members not away on international duty didn’t have training, and your teammates decided their tactic for the day was to keep you inside, keep an eye on your concussion, and distract you. Mapi and Alexia kept you busy watching nations league matches, and playing fifa. Mapi showed you a few sketches she was working on for a new tattoo for Alexia, and Alexia put on her guilty pleasure show, which was, amusingly, below deck. You wouldn’t have picked your captain as one for reality TV, but that assumption was clearly wrong.
They did limit your screen time, though, and they made you take a nap. It was during this nap that you got a phone call. From a reporter.
From the same reporter who had written the article. 
He wanted to talk to you about the conditions you’d endured with the national team. What it had been like after the first article had come out, and why you left camp early with a mysterious injury. He wanted to know everything. And he wanted your name on it. Anonymous witnesses could be ignored. Named ones could not, he said. 
You hung up pretty quickly, informing him that you needed some time to think. It was a testament to how much you trusted both Mapi and Alexia that you walked back into the living room right after, and told them about the phone call. 
They were careful not to tell you what they thought you should do, though you were pretty sure they didn’t agree with each other. Instead, they stuck to a neutral message. 
“You need to decide what to do, pequeña, for you and not for anyone else.” 
“Ale is right. Your healing needs to be your priority, and you need to figure out how this interview would fit into that.” 
You could talk. The team would know exactly who it was. Your teammates and your coaches. Everyone from that team that you hated and everyone that you loved. You could tell the truth. You could be brave. You weren’t sure you could survive the shit storm that would follow, though. You were barely surviving now. Maybe, though, your survival wasn’t the priority. Maybe the wellbeing of your teammates was. 
You could be selfless, or selfish. Put yourself first. Treat yourself the way your teammates were convinced you deserved to be treated. You could forfeit your wellbeing for that of your teammates, practically invite a media invasion into your life. You could do the objective right thing, or you could do the right thing for yourself. 
You could be selfless or selfish. You weren’t sure which option was better. You weren’t sure which option wouldn’t suffocate you. 
--------
hehe. 
theres a lot of ways i could take a part 3. do you even want a part 3? do you have ideas? let me know :)
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sunnyaelia · 2 days
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Captain Orders
For the anon who asked for this and also requested it back then 💓 here’s the request and my apologies for the spam today as I’ll probably upload another one later 😭
I know you write for Leah and I was wondering if I could request something else ? Still with jealousy r goes on a date with an opposing player and Leah forbids them via captain’s orders and they have a fight and confession in from of the whole team ?
“Oi, y/n.” You looked up at Katie’s yell through the whole changing room, face immediately heating up when you heard her next words. 
“What did player #19 give you, hm?” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and you rolled your eyes at her as now everyone in the changing room expectedly stared at you. 
“Asked me out.” Internally cursing Katie for bringing the attention of the entire team on this, you begrudgingly went to your bag, having already showered thankfully as you now couldn’t wait to get out and away from the curious looks from your teammates as quick as possible.
The whole room erupted in chatter at your words, everyone apparently needing to get their opinion out on this. 
The only one completely silent was Leah, frozen on the bench where she had been putting her shoes on. You’d been asked out. And it wasn’t by her. 
Leah had been into you for quite some time, probably close to a year now. She had never dared to say anything, still scarred from the experience with Jordan and the breakup causing Jordan to basically flee to another team. It had hurt horribly and Leah didn’t want to lose you like that too. 
Well, she was apparently about to lose you anyway but in a different way. You’d been single since you’d met her as far as she knew and she had been glad, not being able to stomach seeing you with someone other than her. 
If only she knew that the only reason you had stayed single so far was because you’d been hoping that Leah might ask you out one day. You were way too shy to do it yourself and had lost hope after a few months since she only seemed to see you as a friend.  A close friend - but just a friend.
When the player had approached you earlier you weren’t particularly interested but also not opposed so maybe this date would finally take your mind off of it. 
“Did you say yes?” 
You jumped nearly a foot in the air at Leah’s sudden voice right next to you. 
“Jesus, Leah. Don’t give me a heart attack.” 
“Did you?” There was impatience in her voice and she looked especially serious right now, forever seemingly having a frown etched on her face that got even deeper when you answered. 
“Uhm yeah, I did.” 
“Tell her you can’t go.” 
At first you thought she was joking, surely she couldn’t be serious. 
“I’m sorry, what?” 
“You’re not going on the date. We have an important game tomorrow.” 
“Yeah, I know.” You were honestly a bit lost on why this was relevant right now and attempted to ease the slight tension by making a small joke: “I’ll be back home by 9 p.m. don’t worry.” 
Leah was not in the slightest amused, crossing her arms while still staring down at you. 
“No, you’ll be back by 2 p.m. because you’re going home right now.” Your brows furrowed, still completely lost on what Leah’s problem was. 
“I think I can decide by myself what time I’m home, Leah.” You turned towards your bag again, quickly shoving everything in, now desperate to get out of here. 
“I’m being serious. Text her and say you can’t go anymore.” 
You turned back around, crossing your arms as well. 
“And why would I do that?” 
“Because I’m your captain and I said so.” 
Scoffing at her ridiculous words you make quick work of pushing your last shoe in your bag and zipping it up rather aggressively. 
“You’re not seriously pulling your fucking captain card right now. We are not on the pitch and I’ll do whatever the fuck I want in my free time.” 
“Captains orders go even if we’re not on the pitch last time I checked.” She sounded so arrogant while she was saying it that you couldn’t suppress an eye roll. 
“Yeah and last time I checked, it’s none of the captains business who I go on a date with. And you’re the vice captain - not the captain.”
Your voice was getting a bit too loud to still keep this conversation on the low, gaining the attention of the ones immediately around you two. Neither of you noticed though, too caught up in your argument. 
“Look, y/n this game is extremely vital for us, I’m not risking anything like strategies getting out.” 
You had to restrain yourself this time from outright yelling at Leah, internally seething at what she just said and your voice getting louder with every sentence. 
“Did you just imply that I’d go on a date with someone and drop strategies we are going to use for our game tomorrow? Do you think I’m fucking stupid? You do realise that I’m part of this team and want to win just as much as everybody else here does, right?” 
You distractedly noticed how silent the room had gotten, some - like Katie and Kyra - were unabashedly staring at you and Leah, others  like Alessia and Lotte seemed embarrassed and were trying to quickly gather their stuff and get out. 
“Can you just stop being difficult? For the last time you’re not going.” 
“God, fuck you Leah. Are you into my date or something? You know, before you pull the Captains card you can also just be a normal human being and just ask her out instead of harassing me about it.” 
Leah’s eyes almost dropped out of her head at you implying that she might even be remotely interested in the woman that had asked you out and her next words spilled out of her before she could hold them back. 
“I’m not into her you idiot, I’m into you!” 
Now she noticed the silence as well, realising that she had just revealed to the entire changing room that she was in love with you. 
You didn’t have any time to react to her words before she turned on her heels and was out of the room. 
For a second you were frozen, completely caught off guard with how this conversation had went. When your head finally caught up with everything you immediately scrambled after Leah, leaving a very shocked and silent changing room behind. 
“That was… something.” Kyra was the first to speak. 
“Not sure if this was a good argument to have right before an important game,” came from Lacasse who was especially intent to ace the match tomorrow.
“Why? Free entertainment for ya. Helps relaxing.” Katie’s signature smirk was on, of course completely unbothered and even amused about this whole thing. 
“Alright guys,” it was Kim who spoke up now, clapping her hands twice to get everyone’s attention. “Get your stuff and get out of here and focus on the game tomorrow, not…” for a moment unsure what to say herself Kim paused before continuing. “Not on whatever that was. Come on, get moving.” 
The quiet murmuring started up again, everyone packing up their stuff and getting ready to leave, knowing better than to ignore Kim’s orders. 
Meanwhile you were desperately trying to find Leah, being completely clueless on where she could be. You had checked the toilets and a few of the maintenance rooms now but the toilets were empty and the other rooms locked. Cluelessly trying to open every room that you walked by and getting more nervous, not wanting Leah to just run from you forever. 
Until you pulled on another door and it revealed her, sitting on the floor with her legs pressed to her body. She ignored you, not even looking up as you came in and sat down next to her. 
When it became clear that she wasn’t going to say anything, you tried to break the tension a bit. 
“You know, you could have just asked me out instead of making such a scene,” lightly bumping her shoulder so she knew that you weren’t mad. 
“Does it matter? You’d have said no anyway.” Leah still refused to look at you, gaze fixed on her knees. 
Your eyebrows furrowed at how sure she sounded. “Says who?” 
“Says the fact that you just got asked out by someone else and said yes.” 
You couldn’t suppress your chuckle, honestly surprised at how jealous Leah had gotten. If you had known that… 
“Yeah but only because I was trying to get over you.” 
Leah finally looks at you at that. “What?” 
“I like you too Leah. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve fallen for you quite some time ago.” 
“You really do? You like me?” She sounded like she still couldn’t believe it and you were lost on why. Leah had a lot of people that would want her, obviously. You’d be blind not to. 
Reaching out you gently caressed her cheek with one hand. 
“Leah, how could I not? You’re incredible. So intelligent, sweet and usually also very kind.” 
She chuckled lightly at your insinuation of her behaviour earlier, carefully shuffling over a bit more so your sides were touching.
“Yeah, sorry about that. I was behaving like an idiot.” 
You hummed, nodding in agreement. “You really were.” 
With a content sigh you put your head on her shoulder, like you’d done so often when you two were just friends, smiling when she wrapped her arm around you. 
“Sooo.. are you gonna ask me on a date or should I just go with that girl from earlier?” 
Completely offended Leah immediately sat upright and scoffed. “You’re definitely not going with her. Text her and tell her you can’t.” 
You chuckled at how Leah immediately turned into strict and demanding again after that pretty rare show of hurt a minute earlier. 
Pulling your phone out you tipped your chin thoughtfully, deciding to tease Leah once more. 
“What do I write? ‘Sorry I can’t go anymore, my Captain has forbidden it.’ Or should I go with ‘sorry I’m actually in love with someone else who finally confessed infront of the whole changing room so I can’t go anymore’” 
You let out an undignified squeak when Leah charged at you at that, grabbing you and tickling you, knowing exactly how incredibly ticklish you were as you laughed and tried to squirm away from her.
“Okay, okay I’m sorry,” you gasped out in between, your sides already starting to hurt. 
You were laying on the ground now, your hair splayed out over it and Leah hovering above, her face quite close to yours. 
You noticed how she glanced down at your lips and smiled, watching her slowly get closer. 
A satisfied exhale escaped you as Leah leaned down a bit more and pressed her lips to yours, softly kissing you. 
Finally. 
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irndad · 3 days
Note
Flower prompt request for Spencer Reid please!!!
Arbutus combined with Freesia.
And if you wanna add in something suggestive or downright filthy, there will be no complaints! (Or just a heartfelt fluff fest)
Thank youuuuu! (Will totally understand if you aren’t interested though!)
-🌕
hi!! this is sfw but here u go!! i hope you enjoy!! requests r open <3 flower prompts
Something’s wrong with her.
Not wrong, of course. Quite the opposite, really. She looks beautiful, a swipe of a purplish red on her pretty lips, a cowl neck dress wrapped around her form like a well-made glove. She’s a vision, and he adores looking at her- he doesn’t get the chance as often as tonight. While they get the chance to talk on the plane (when no one else is sleeping) or at the bar after cases, but this- this is an entire night she’s spent by his side. 
He normally doesn’t like when the FBI does these galas, but they’re fundraising, and now his beautiful coworker who’s a little more than that is drinking rosé out of a thin stemmed wine glass. He adores the sight of her.
“You okay?” He hears himself say, and there’s a beat of silence before she looks up from her beverage, and smiles a false grin at him.
“Right as rain, Spencer.” She grins back at him, leaning back on the table they were standing by.
“You’re acting different,” he says, “You’ve been quiet, and you seem distant from the team. You didn’t have any of the cupcakes Penelope brought in, either.”
“I didn’t want too much sugar in the morning!”
“Now, that is a lie.” He finds himself smiling at her when he says it. Things move naturally with her, have a flow of conversation that takes no effort, only gentle enjoyment. 
She really does look so pretty. This is a factual thing Spencer has noticed- a fact of her that he would be blind not to see. It’s evolutionarily advantageous to want to look at beautiful things. It doesn’t mean anything. 
She sighs fondly down into her glass, her breath causing ripples in the wine.
“Can I tell you something?” She says, and it shocks him. He feels a bit like an insider, and adores the feeling of being on the inside of a secret of hers. He’d like to be someone she tells things to. 
He nods, awaiting with baited breath.
“I went out with this guy who’s here tonight. 
Suddenly he doesn’t feel so warm. 
Except, it shouldn’t bother him- they’re not dating. She’s beautiful, all soft lines and curve, lovely blooming smiles and kind-heartedness, and he’s a pipe cleaner with eyes. It’s not a thought he’s entertained-
But still, in this moment, Spencer’s not blind to the image they’re projecting. Hanging back at a party, low lighting and hushed conversation, her in a beautiful dress and him in a rented tux- he could see how someone could mistake the two of them for- for something. 
Did he want that? 
“Spence?” She shakes him out of his thoughts, warm tone punctuated by her adorable head tipping to the side. Had she always been that adorable?
“Sorry, sorry,” he rambles, “You went out with an FBI agent?” His tone is incredulous. She jokingly slaps his arm, and he fills with affection.
“Don’t be mean! It was literally one date, it was before I knew how obnoxious Agent Bennet was. Believe me, he made me realize about ten minutes in.”
She tells him the story of their first and only date, and while he is sure it’s full of anecdotes that are effervescent and hilarious, all he can think about is date with her, date with her, date with her. 
He’d be on time, if they went out. He’d be well-dressed, put together and polite. She’s so lovely, so kind and so sweet and it’s only now he realizes that this is something he can want. 
“So you’d go out with another federal agent?” It’s clumsy and awkward of a question, but it seems the only time it would ever be appropriate to ask it. 
She shrugs, smiling at him.
“If it was the right person, sure.”
“And Bennett wasn’t?”
“No, I don’t think so. I like a different type of guy, you know. Kinda nerdy."
Even despite this, when Spencer spills his coffee on Bennett's legal pad the following week, he can't drum up even a little bit of remorse.
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thedarkdisgrace · 3 days
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Ok, follow up post to the original cause I wanted to actually offer my analysis/interpretation on this.
I feel like this is a right/left brain analogy 🧵
Dazai covering his right side, the side supposedly responsible for the emotional & artistic things. It says alot about his mindset, accurate for that time.
It’s intriguing, then, Kouyou covers the “logical” side
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I feel like this lends to why Chuuya & Kouyou do get along well. While both Chuuya & Kouyou are no doubt very intelligent (Asagiri literally refers to Chuuya as a genius) they both still lean very much into their emotional side as well. Even if Kouyou seemingly does so less.
Kouyou reveals herself, however, not only in her care for Chuuya but we mainly see it how she handled the situation with Kyoka.
She could have insisted Kyoka come back without ever changing her mind but when Dazai presents her with a way to save Kyoka from dark, she agrees quickly.
Kouyou clearly cares & wanted to help & protect Kyoka even if she went about it poorly. She was trying to help based on her past experiences, lest we forget that she tried to leave the mafia herself once, for *love* no less. She also tends to get emotional when talking about her past or her wish to help Kyoka.
But once she was presented with another solution, a far better one, she didn’t do “what’s best for the mafia”. Kouyou agreed to what was best for Kyoka & that was definitely a more emotional choice.
This is an area where Chuuya & Kouyou align. So, of course they would get along.
Chuuya always seems to find the balance between his logic and emotion. However, he can easily & often does lean more into his emotional side first, then his logical side.
It’s similar for Kouyou, even if we don’t see it as much from her.
Back to Dazai then, when he left the mafia & the cover on Dazai’s “emotional side” was gone Dazai seemed to also move more towards that balancing of the two sides.
He started off heavily relying on his logical brain & struggled emotionally. Often feeling numb or apathetic mostly, hence his suicidal ideation.
Then he meets Chuuya & this shifts. Chuuya forces him to experience new feelings. As Chuuya is a living breathing example of most things Dazai felt the world lacked. It opened Dazai to the idea that there is more to the world, there is more to *people*. Chuuya intrigues Dazai enough to make him want to live a little longer again. Chuuya gave him a reason to keep going, a promise of more.
From the moment he met Chuuya, it was a process of letting more & more emotions seep into his mind & his heart. We see how he feared for Chuuya in 15 even after they just met, even though Dazai *knew* it was a plan.
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I might even venture to go as far as to say Dazai may not have feared for someone else’s life that hard before. It was a burst of unrecognizable emotions to him. After this, he only had more & more emotion seep in as the years went by. In Storm Bringer he was ready to sacrifice the city to give Chuuya a choice.
That relationship opened Dazai up to others later, namely Oda & Ango. Which only further encouraged the intermingling of his logical brain and his emotions. Then reaching the point at which the bandages were finally removed entirely and then he, like Chuuya, moved to striving to find the balance rather than relying on one side.
Bringing us back to current Dazai as he is still attempting to find that balance.
He still leans more his logical side. This, of course, in contrast to Chuuya who, while intelligent, more easily leans into the emotional.
Yet another thing between them that completes & balances each other. Soukoku will always pull the other back when drifting too far.
So, of course, Soukoku complement each other & it benefits them both.
Having Kouyou on Chuuya’s other side I think also does help Chuuya stay grounded while in the mafia. Chuuya isn’t one to lose who he is but I think having someone else who he knows *cares* like he does helps.
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Now, additionally, if we apply this to Beast, I think this also says alot about beast Dazai & why Asagiri says beastzai would be the hardest for someone to portray.
Because *this* Dazai, is perhaps *too* far into his emotional side. He’s always intelligent but in beast, his actions aren’t fully logical, they’re emotional.
He appears cold & calculating as always but he saw another version of himself suffer the great loss of a best friend & allowed his emotional desire to prevent that from happening take control. Thus, his emotional side takes over, thus him covering the opposite side from canon Dazai, he’s covering his “logical” side.
I feel like this is the main difference between all the various Dazai we’ve seen.
PM Dazai relied heavily on his logical side, especially before meeting Chuuya. He rarely took emotion into account unless it involved the 3 people he actually cared for. We see him make emotional choices when it involves Chuuya, Oda, and Ango. Dazai did seem to let more and more emotion seep in over time as a result of knowing them, however, leading to that moment the bandages are removed.
Beastzai is leaning far too heavily into his emotional side, getting lost in it even. Acting solely on an emotional desire rather than a logical one. His desire to prevent a tragedy. He only was using his intellect to further that emotional desire.
Current/ADA Dazai is the balance of the two, and seemingly the closest to happiness.
ADA Dazai uses his logical brain as always but he also actually takes emotion into account as well and has more people he actually cares for now.
I think that says alot to the theme of bsd, leaning into that “everything is grey” dynamic. Everything is about the *balance* of things. Showcasing that anything in extremes in either direction doesn’t work.
Anyway, just some thoughts I had and interpretations of mine. Take them as you want, as always.
Oh and just to be clear, I don’t think Dazai was ever “emotionless”, even at his worse. Even if he was numb and apathetic. He was also lonely.
Just saying the more people he came to care about (Chuuya, Oda, Ango then later the ADA) the more he was able to feel a variety of emotion.
My original post:
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nostappen · 17 hours
Text
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LET ME BE THE LIGHTER | MV #CH8
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series summary : max raced knowing he’d win. You raced as if you had nothing else to lose. That was something the fans of F1 had grown accustomed to since you joined. Being the only driver who could truly make the Max Verstappen break a sweat during this season, all the odds seemed to be in your favor during one eventful race where you could finally overtake him on the last few laps, breaking his winning streak and also —by consequence — yours and his peace in the near future.
warnings (contains spoilers) : angst, media hate, bad comments, slut shaming, shaming in general, men being disgusting, allusions to anxiety, brief mention of past trauma and bad parental figures, swearing. possible erros in the sns part (not edited).
↻ links : prev . masterlist . next
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CHAPTER EIGHT # PICKING UP YOUR PIECES
Under complete discretion, you wandered across the paddock disguised as a staff member from Mercedes, accompanied by some members of your team. 
You successfully avoided reporters and the fans crowding the main entrance of the place by jumping a fence near the garages with the help of Susie, then talked amicably your entire way to your spot with her and were received by some people with your clothes for the day. Hiding under some black Mercedes shirt, a pair of washed-off jeans, and one cap, you felt nearly invincible against the cameras. 
No one truly expected you to be on the grid after many days of missing preparations for the races and two out of the three practices, yet here you were, in your planned disguise, fully knowing no one would pay you any mind since you never wore Mercedes attire unless it was race day and you absolutely had to wear a suit.
“Be honest, I look ugly, right?” You say admiring your reflection in the small mirror Max reluctantly holds up for you. 
He, much like you, is here hanging under complete discretion. 
Verstappen is supposed to be in his garage going over some items for the third practice, yet he sprinted to your spot the second he found out you were here. You promised to give him some food you cooked for him and your friends, so he stayed around for longer than expected under the excuse of being hungry and bored out of his mind. 
“I mean…” He shrugs, moving his shoulders up and down and getting your reflection out of the frame, causing you to groan in annoyance. “No, no, listen.” He quickly lowers the mirror and attempts to save himself from some possible complaining. “It’s not like you look ugly. You cannot look ugly, even if you tried, but the Mercedes fit is a bit…” 
“So, you think I’m pretty.” You smile and raise up his arm so you can take a good look at yourself again. “I knew it. I knew your way of flirting was teasing and being an ass, just like those stupid kids on kindergarden.” 
“What?” He frowns and sees you doing a little twirl before accommodating your Mercedes cap backward.
“You know, when you were a kid and liked another classmate so you pushed their buttons until they caught onto your weird flirting.” 
“I never did that.” He lowers the mirror and you groan at him again. “What, woman? Just go to a bathroom if you wanna stare at your reflection so badly.” 
He feigns annoyance but his small smile gives him away in this situation. The more irritated you grow, the less tense he acts around you, and you cannot help but follow in his banter just to see him more relaxed around you. 
Truth be told, you had invited him to hangout just to test the waters after your serious talk in your house. 
He had texted you for the first two days, updating you about things you didn’t ask for, and you appreciated his attempts at maintaining a civil conversation through the phone. You could tell he was really trying to get on your good side and make this more bearable, and you wanted to give him the same reassurance by replying to all of his texts and even adding some updates from your side as well, even if you didn’t have much to say. 
Sometimes he’d ask at different hours of the day what you were up to, and you’d reply saying you took a few pictures around the place or were binge-watching some shows on the TV. Then he’d tell you about his car or some things he saw on the paddock, and you’d keep the conversation going for a few more minutes until he had to leave to help around with some members of the staff, and when he returned, he’d ask how you were feeling and how was the TV show, or ask you to share some of the pictures you took. 
It made things easier  and you could tell it helped Max to bond a bit with you, so you never attempted to call him or invite him over in his free time, because you believed he needed to take smaller steps first and then truly approach you in a friendlier manner; but there was also a possibility that he only wanted to keep your relations professional and he was treating you amicably because you had attempted to understand him despite the things he did to you, so you didn’t push it too hard. 
You weren’t sure about Max’s intentions and that was alright with you. As long as he didn’t backtrack on his words or hurt you in any way, you’d let things flow between you two. 
“I’m not going anywhere. Carlos will arrive any minute now and I want to be here to greet him,” your hand goes back to his wrist, raising his arm again and this time you observe your face, touching multiple spots you don’t like before frowning. “I like my face.” 
“You don’t sound so convinced…” Max replies with his eyes fixated on you. “Why aren’t you convinced?” 
“I mean, I do like how I look but sometimes I look at myself too intensely and I no longer like what I see. It’s whatever though, whenever that happens I just remind myself I like what I see and hope I believe my words.” 
“Well, I like your face,” he finally puts the mirror on a free spot next to him and makes an extra effort to maintain eye contact after admitting that. A cheeky smile forms on your face and you bop his nose cutely before giggling. “Never, ever, do that again.” 
“What? This?” You bop his nose again and he grabs your finger before you can retreat it completely, lowering it to his mouth before attempting to touch it with the tip of his tongue. “No, ew! Fuck off, Max Emilian. Fucking shit,” you frown, wiping your finger on your jeans. “You are disgusting.” 
Max smiles, entertained with your over the top reaction, and holds both hands up in defense. “You are disgusting too.” 
“How can you like my face if you find me disgusting?” You press him and a pair of arms wraps under your torso, making you yelp before someone rests his chin on top of your head. “Carlos?” 
“Yeah, and I’m also here too,” you hear George before you see him appearing on your left. “Oh, God. What’s this arse shit doing here?” He points at Max and the dutch rolls his eyes. 
“Nice to see you too, royal blasphemy.” You laugh a little over Max’s words and he smiles at your reaction. “You too, Carlos.” 
“I’m also a royal blasphemy?” The man asks teasingly, bringing you closer to his chest and you put a hand on top of his tight grip around you. “I thought bullying hours were only open for George.” 
“We can do a 2x1 promotion,” you reply before pinching his skin and making him yelp and retreat surprised. “How many times have I told you and everybody else that I do not like when sweaty people touch me?” 
“Princess,” Carlos tries to reason and you turn around, pressing your index to his chest. “I just came from training. Of course I’m sweaty.” 
“Then stay away. No hugs until you take a shower, understood, Carly?” Max gets up from his seat behind you, adjusting his cap visor better and giving a nod towards George as a small goodbye, before taking two steps away from you, then he gets stopped by your voice. “Where do you think you are going, Verstappen?” You repproach. 
“I can be your mirror holder later, okay? I just need to get some stuff sorted out but I’ll be back,” he excuses himself and waves a hand timidly before continuing his path to his place, taking the small door behind the Mercedes garage to guide himself out instead of walking out through the garage entrance. 
You share a few confused looks with Carlos until you glance at George and notice him suppressing a laugh, which only serves to confuse you even more. 
By the time practice starts you will be out of the paddock again and on your way home in a car with Susie, ready  to spend the night with her and watch some movies or chit-chat, so you don’t want to miss out on the opportunity to wish everybody good luck, including Max. 
As you promised, you’ve cooked some stuff for your friends, —well, more like baked— but you had brought an extra paper bag with something inside that was only for Verstappen and didn’t involve any food, and you had to give it to him now before George or Carlos stepped in again. 
“Max! Max!” Grabbing the paper bag and the plate covered with some kitchen rags from the house, you stumble across the garage, muttering multiple apologies to some members of the staff, as you attempt to catch the Dutchman. “Emi!” You finally yell and he stops, turning around in the corridor connecting all garages. 
Max observes you with curiosity and a bit of fear, noticing you closing the gap between you two at a fast pace until you nearly push the trail of food against his chest and shake another small bag close to him with a happy smile. 
He has to retreat a bit and extend both hands forward to catch the plate and prevent the food from failing while simultaneously asking you what you wanted and why you didn’t stay with your friends. 
“I made you a gift!” You announce and let go of the plate, allowing him to carry on it fully. “But first, voila!” Your free hand takes off the rag, showing him six cupcakes. “Pick two.” Max, puzzled, points at the two cupcakes with blue frosting on top and small white bits. “Okay, no, pick another two.” 
Letting out a huff, Max points at the yellow ones, and you frown. “Why don’t you pick them for me?” 
“Wonderful!” You celebrate and push apart from the remaining two with green frosting and small bits of pink candy sprinkled around it. “These are for you.” 
Max wishes he could hate your excitement right now. You are being noisy, overly-dramatic and a bit too on the nose with your gifts, but you look at him so happily he cannot help but feel a bit excited as well over this. 
It wasn’t the biggest of presents, just a small treat before practice —, and if he had to be honest, you were making him waste crucial time before he got to test his car once more, but he was enjoying every second of it. Even the many minutes he held onto your mirror and acted like he wanted to be anywhere else but right next to you, he still smiled because he enjoyed spending time with you. 
At first, he was a bit awkward, he had to admit that. One thing was interacting casually through texts and trying to carry on a conversation for some minutes between breaks, but besides that, he didn’t expect this to reach anything else. He told you to visit him if you went to the paddock but he didn’t really believe you would, you weren’t close in the slightest, and after you missed two days of preparation, he thought you wouldn’t show up at all, yet you appeared out of nowhere dressed as a staff member and called for him from your garage to have a small talk that lead nowhere and only had him bickering and laughing with you. 
You promised him food and only now that he wanted to leave you remembered you had to give him the little treats all excited, and Max felt conflicted. 
Why were you still being nice to him? Had he made you any happier just by talking nonsense through text? Were you going to treat him as a friend now that you both shared a moment of sincerity? 
“Thank you,” Max decides to exaggerate just to irk you a little bit and grabs one of the two cupcakes. “These are totally my favorite colors. You know me so well, Schatje.” 
“Shut up, Emilian. I cooked those with love —.” 
“And poison, right?” He interrupts you. “You want to get me sick before practice.” 
“Bullshit, if I wanted you sick I would have food poisoned you the day of the actual race, not during practice.” You explain and grab the plate with a hand, moving the other close to his chest and making the paper bag hit him a little. “This is your present as well.” Max leaves the cupcake back on the plate and grabs the small gift, taking off a hat with the signature dark blue of Red Bull but without all the sponsors around, just one small ‘RB’ knitted near the back in orange. “No offense but the caps your team gives you are ugly.” 
“You knitted my team on a cap?” He asks absent-mindedly. 
“Because your caps are ugly.” 
“You knitted me a gift.” This time he sentences every word affirmatively, finally letting the information sink in. 
“To save you from the ugly caps of Red Bull,” you insist. “It has a thirty-three inside the cap as well so you never forget your first number, but I also added a small number one on the other side.” You point out with your finger and Max remains silent through your explanation, taking in all the little details around the hat. You’ve knitted the R and B tinily near the back and added a small sun near it.
The design is simple but it looks well put together and Max cannot begin to imagine how long it took you to get all those letters and numbers around. He was never skilled when it came to knitting or doing many smaller things that required patience. He liked to stick to racing and occasionally paddling, so he admired the drivers who had multiple skills besides the sport they shared in common. 
“Thank you,” Verstappen finally raises his head to see you and the corners of his mouth raise forming the cutest, most sincere smile you’ve ever seen on him. “This is the sweetest gift. I will make sure to repay you.” 
Noticing the burning sensation on your cheeks, you attempt to joke off your adorable gesture by pushing his shoulder slightly and laughing a bit. “You can repay me by coming in third or fourth during this weekend’s race.” 
“You’d hate me if I lost on purpose.” 
“You are right,” you take the plate away from him once he gets a hold of your cupcakes and also move two steps backwards. “Just do your best and don’t wear anything too ugly for interviews, will you? It’s embarrassing to see my boyfriend on TV wearing only Red Bull merch.” 
‘My boyfriend,’ Max dances around those two words you so naturally pronounced, and smiles again, refusing to acknowledge the fact that you probably called him that way just to tease him some more. 
It’s odd, but it sounds good whenever you refer to him as your partner, even if it is a joke. The words roll down your tongue naturally, like it’s meant to be. 
“You can catch me wearing this hat for the remaining interviews of the week,” he promises and takes a bite of a cupcake. “Oh, shit, this is delicious, what the fuck.” 
“I’m a master chef, baby.” 
“Fuck, yes you are. How much do I have to pay you to cook some more of these things?” 
“Well, I was thinking about dropping some of these on Sunday morning for the boys. I can bake you some too.” 
“I’d love that please.” 
“Only if you wear the hat and get rid of the skinny jeans.” 
Max laughs, taking another bite and shaking his head in negativity. Once he swallows the sweet treat completely he replies again. “You want me to go around in boxers and a Red Bull t-shirt?” He suggests and you frown, fixing your eyes on his mouth before cleaning a small portion of frosting from his top lip with your thumb. “What are..?” 
“You’ve got some…” you stop mid-sentence, concentrating on grabbing the green frosting from around his mouth and lowering your thumb near his chin. “You also have it here…” 
Against his better judgment, Max follows your movements, tracing a patter from your hand to your face before your touch abandons his face and his hand instinctively reaches for yours, clasping around it and bringing it forward just to clean it with the paw of his Red Bull jacket. 
“There, better,” Max nearly whispers with his eyes fixated on yours. “Thank you.” 
“You…I’m glad you liked the cupcake.” Quickly, you force your hand out of his grip and reach for the second cupcake, pushing it toward him timidly. “Here, have the other one. I have to go.” 
“I…” he barely pronounces, grabbing the treat, before you begin walking back into your garage without saying goodbye. 
Verstappen stays in his place for a few seconds in silence, confused over his and your actions. Warmness expands on his chest like a plague, mixing with a little weird sensation in his stomach as well. He feels a bit of everything: happiness, nervousness, excitement, confusion. It hits him so suddenly that he doesn’t know what to do except look at the direction you took to leave him abruptly and then force himself back into his garage with his cheeks rosy and his stomach mixing butterflies with green frosting and pink candy bits.
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“What the…?” 
You aren’t allowed to finish the sentence before the car gets parked in front of all the lights, making you retreat to the opposite corner of the back seat. 
Your driver turns off the engine, turning to look at you worriedly, and signals across all windows. There are reporters on the front, making it impossible to move the vehicle away from the entrance path to the wood’s house, but you also notice flashes coming from the back as well, making you realize that you are surrounded by more than the average amount of reporters. 
“We need to go,” you demand to the driver and he suggests waiting until they move but your patience is running thin as well as your energy. You stayed longer than expected, visiting a few friends around the paddock and even going as far as joining the Mercedes meeting to get some updates regarding your car and the strategy the team will be using. “Now.” 
“We cannot move from here. I can try to walk you out.”
“No way, they will jump us in a second.” 
“We can push past them. It will be better than waiting here until they leave…because they won’t.” The driver concludes and you unlock your phone, quickly searching for a name on your contact list that can help. 
At this hour every member of the team that you know of will be busy watching over George and Carlos’ performance during practice to make some adjustments to their cars. Lewis will also be by their side with Charles on their Ferrari cars and Max will be stuck there too. Even Susie, who had originally planned to drive you to your house had to cancel at the last minute due to an emergency and shortened your list of contacts to call for help. 
“I need to think,” you murmur, looking through the window and receiving another blinding flash through the glass. 
“I can walk you out.” 
“I said I need to think,” you repeat yourself more sternly now and give the driver one last look before closing your eyes for a few seconds and hiding your face in your palms. 
A few minutes pass by only hearing the sounds of the cameras going off and many reporters asking you questions from outside. ‘How are you feeling now?’ ‘Are you still dating Max or you are now with Carlos?’ ‘Why aren’t you in the paddock right now?’ ‘Will Max join you tonight now that his practice was cut short?’ 
Wait. 
Max’s practice was cut short…why? 
Unlocking your phone rapidly, you search for Max’s contact but he gets to call you first, taking you by surprise the moment your device starts vibrating on your hand and his name pops up before you can find it on your list. 
“Yn? Are you already home?” You hear him speak rapidly. “I think something —.” 
“Are you okay, Emi?” You ask him worriedly, cutting him off without intending to. “What happened? Why aren’t you still practicing?” 
“Yn, are you in your house now?” 
“Why does that matter? What happened to you?” You persist, growing agitated by the second. The flashes have ceased but the questions come from all sides, making you feel increasingly uncomfortable in your seat. There are way too many people around you all talking simultaneously, which is irking you. “Please tell me you didn’t crash your car or something. Are you okay?” 
“Will you shut up and hear me for a second?” He replies as exasperated as you. “Someone from your own staff leaked your location to the media. Reporters are probably on their way to your house.” 
Looking through the window you sigh, dropping your gaze to your shoes. “They are already here.”
“What? Are you also there? Fuck,” he curses. “Listen, I’m already walking to the parking lot. I will be there as quickly as possible.” 
“It’s an hour and a half drive from the paddock,” the realization hits you and your hand flies to the door handle, gripping it tightly. This car is too small to keep you safe and the noise is too loud. You need to be elsewhere.“I need to get out of here.” 
“No, no, listen. I will be there and pick you up. We can move you somewhere else —.” 
“Shut up, Max, I need to leave this stupid car.” 
“You are gonna get ambushed if —.” 
You end the call and adjust your Mercedes cap on your head before opening the door and walking out without uttering a single word to your driver. 
You have to get into your house now. You need to be alone.
 
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Where could you possibly store all your anger? You’ve seen it so frequently in your house you’ve grown accustomed to it until your father left, but even then, you never truly felt it yourself prior to this moment. 
One quick look at your phone had you fuming with anger. 
You’ve tolerated the questions thrown your way once you joined. You justified their skepticism towards you from the beginning and tried to reason with the media respectfully, answering all their pertinent asks and attempting your best to ease down their worries about you by showing them great results in every race, but that wasn’t enough. 
Once they couldn’t criticize your skills, they moved to your appearance. They commented on your clothes, your make-up or lack thereof, your hair, your posture, your way of laughing a bit too loudly or not laughing at all when they joked at your expense. They simply said things towards you and for the most part you ignored them, sticking to answering the truly important questions and turning a blind eye to everything else but this was something you simply couldn’t brush off. 
They’ve launched a hate campaign to make you look like a complete fool and you weren’t even aware of it until now that you finally decided to stupidly look up your name on the internet. 
It was disheartening at first but then it enraged you. 
They camped outside of your house with their cameras ready and their voices intoned to ask you the dumbest, most unnecessary bits of information, and you felt utterly violated. 
Wasn’t your silence enough of a given to your state? You’ve hidden from them in plain sight, yet they refused to take the hint and leave you alone. They demanded everything from you: the perfect performance, the perfect reactions, and the perfect stories to tell, and now that you needed space to breathe and rest, they refused to give you that despite your attempts to give them everything they asked for since you started your career in F1.
You could never win when it came to the media. The ones who liked you were the fans but the reporters despised you and their words affected you. 
Your hands trembled holding the small device, the room momentarily being flashed by a red light. You couldn’t see past your anger at this very moment and the insistent noise of your bell going off in the background only served to push you towards the edge. 
You wanted to get back at them somehow. You were tired of pretending like winning was the biggest price you could hold against them. It never fulfilled you when you attempted to be the bigger person in the room; you could only understand so much, silence so many words, and push down your crawling anger until it finally surfaced for everybody to see. 
You were losing the fight.
“Fuck off!” You finally scream from the couch and jump from it the moment your words are answered by another impertinent ring. “I said, fuck off!” Your hands catch a lamp near you and throw it across the space, smashing it against the entrance. 
The porcelain flies everywhere, shattering into tiny and medium fragments, and the loud noise it produces has you flinching away, bringing back the normal colors around the room momentarily until your anger takes over once more, defeating your fear towards your own actions. 
Where can you put all this anger? 
You saw it before. You had heard the screams your father and mother shared at some point. You’ve seen firsthand how it affected your mom and how scary it could turn, but you were always in the position of defense. You received the short end of the anger your father carried yet never experienced it from his shoes. 
Maybe he stored his anger on your mother all these years while you stored all of yours on him during every fight. Maybe all it took was a bit of a push to see things from his perspective and discover that you shared the same short fuse. 
Breathing in and out heavily, the doorbell goes off once more, this time followed by a familiar voice screaming your name, and you shake your head letting the tears of shame fall from your eyes, staining your cheeks. 
You need to be alone. You have to be alone. 
It’s happening once more. You are so mad you cannot see past the impending issues. You feel small and helpless and so, you lash out, just like you used to when you were younger. 
You are seven once again, standing between your parents and threatening to inflict violence if the fight doesn’t stop in that instant. All you know is how to bite back once you are bitten. All you can do is fight anger with anger. 
“Yn, please, open the door. I promise they already left.” Max’s voice reaches you from the other side and you swallow the lump forming on your throat. “I’ve threatened to call the police.” 
Was that the solution? You question yourself internally. 
You’ve pushed many reporters away, knocking down some cameras in the process and never stopping to look back or apologize. You left your driver stranded in your car without saying goodbye. You ignored messages from Verstappen, and then you mistook his calls to your door with persistence from the media. 
This entire hour you thought you were surrounded and helpless. Suffocating on your grief until it morphed into anger but the cause of your rage had long been gone wasting energy on problems you couldn’t solve. 
“You promise they are gone?” The words spill without you intending to and you feel like hitting yourself for sounding so weak. “I mean —.” 
“I’m here, okay? I can stay outside until you are ready to let me in, but I promise they left and Lewis called me. They will be here as soon as possible, they just have to go through the interviews before leaving the paddock.” You reply with silence, unsure of what to do now. “Listen, if you don’t want me here, I understand, but when your friends come over, open the door, okay? They are worried about you.” 
“I always make them worry.” You mutter to yourself and take one hesitant step towards the door. “I made a mess here.” Announcing this, you take another step. 
“I can clean it before they arrive,” he suggests and you breathe out slowly, carefully stepping over some of the shattered yards with your shoes, breaking them even more. “If you let me.” 
“This is embarrassing,” you wrap your fingers around the doorknob, twisting it and opening the door for him, dragging some of the broken pieces underneath and Max breathes out in relief, seeing you unharmed and more or less in the same physical state you left the paddock earlier. 
You move to the side, allowing him to come in and he waltzes into the receiving room, finding everything intact besides the one thing you broke, which helps him feel more relaxed. 
He had reached you in time. 
“There is nothing embarrassing about this,” he comments and kneels down to pick a big fragment of the lamp. 
“I’m not supposed to lose my cool.” 
“Why not? Is it illegal to feel angry?” He attempts to joke and you swallow harshly, wiping away harshly a tear that rolls down your eye. “I’ve lashed out multiple times in the past. I’m not proud of my reactions but for the most part, my anger was provoked by the media, but what you went through right now…? Fuck, I don’t know if I would have thrown something to the door only. I’d have fought them all on the spot.” 
Another tear escapes and you hide your face in your palms, remaining quiet. Max turns around, finally seeing you and he instinctively walks toward you, stepping on the yards and causing quite a mess on your floor until he is mere centimeters away from your shaking frame. 
“I shouldn’t be reacting this way,” you sob and feel his arms wrap around you hesitantly until you also cave in, returning his hug and nuzzling your face on his chest still covered by his suit. “I don’t want to be like him.”
“In what way, dear?” Max whispers close to your ear and his warm breath tickles your skin. He actively chooses to ignore your last statement, quite sure that you are referencing your father but not exactly certain that this is the correct moment to discuss what you have implied nor of him being the person you should openly talk about this with. “You were hurt. They are pressing all your buttons because they know you will react badly. They want that.” 
“I’m doing things just like…” you stop yourself from finishing that sentence. “I’m just so angry.” 
“I understand.” 
He isn’t lying when he says that. Although you only express yourself between little moments of sincerity, he can piece all the few moments together to understand you fully. 
He knows what you mean. He’s been through that as well. Nobody granted him kindness or the opportunity to redeem himself after he committed many mistakes in front of everybody. 
Nobody stopped him when rage infected his mind and his common sense disappeared. Nobody offered him the grace of fixing things properly within himself and with others, but you did. You attempted to understand his position given the limited knowledge that you had and that made it easier for him to understand you now as well. 
He believed he knew what you meant when you admitted to be angry. And he was also certain he could understand the many yards across the entrance, reflecting on your troubled feelings and saturated mind. 
You were at the tip of instability, swinging between a fragile calmness and total chaos. 
He suffered from that as well for many years yet until this very moment he could see it with his own eyes that you were going through it too. 
You feigned stability and control, gracefully dodging the bullets others shot at you, but in reality, you were running after them once everybody left. Hurting yourself over the things you couldn’t control, looking for the guns that attempted to shoot you and pulling the trigger once more. 
“I am angry too,” Max admits and tightens the grip around your body. “I understand.” 
“I don’t think it’s fair for you to clean the mess I made.” You opt to divert the conversation elsewhere and Max carries on, respecting your decision.
“Well, I don’t think it’s fair for you to suffer through this alone so let me help, will you?” Your grip loosens around his torso, signaling the end of your spontaneous hug and as you separate from each other, Max looks at the little mess you’ve caused. “I will pick up the pieces. You can get us something to drink. Maybe then we can talk, if you want.” 
“Would you like some tea?” Your big eyes observe him timidly. The pinkish hue of your cheeks and the tip of your nose pales in comparison to the darkness of your eye bags. You look exhausted. 
“Tea would be lovely. Thank you.” 
He hates tea, but this isn’t a moment to remind you of that simple fact. 
“And…” You trail off, looking elsewhere for a fraction of a second. “What if I don’t want to talk?”
“We can stay in silence or rest a bit before your friends come,” Max suggests. “Do you want that?” 
“Yes, please.” 
He nods, putting an end to the conversation and you move away from the scene, carefully avoiding the yards close to you while Max searches everywhere for the correct point to begin his cleaning duties. 
Maybe two minutes pass by in total silence before the dutch man hears your voice again, softly coming from the oval entrance to the kitchen. 
“Emi?” He nearly misses the name you imply to call for him and in that moment, he notices you’ve called him that before as well. 
“Yes, dear?” Max replies stopping his movements. 
“Thank you.” 
Max Emilian smiles, basking on the sweet smile you return to him as soon as your eyes meet each other. 
He’s relieved to be here, secretly thanking his car for failing so unexpectedly during practice.
“Nothing to thank me for. I’m here whenever you need me.”
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#taglist one: @alilcloudy @chiliwhore @halleest @welovediaaxx @its-avalon-08 @hiireadstuff @prudyhoo @almostjollypizza @butterfly-lover @sunsshinesunny @tsukishitm-a @be-your-coffee-pot @bruhhhhhhhhehhhhhhh @ironmaiden1313 @indesicivelyconfuzzled @sargeantdumbass @asmoothoperator @brettlorenzi3 @lewisvinga @dr4g0ngirl @fruity-dirtbag @ladyladybuggg @woozarts @casperlikej @marshmummy @leclercdream @namgification
— taglist #2 in the reblogs.
A / N : After many many days of not posting i'm back here hello! Sorry for the delay, I got sick and was put on bed rest for the past four days so it was difficult for me to write. I hope you enjoy this angsty chapter with some sprinkles of fluff! Let me know your thoughts and see you on the next update <3 — The next update comes with a voting poll for the dynamic of the final chapter of the second act, so stay tuned to participate! xoxo
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satellitespinner · 2 days
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✼ mommy issues .. (one)
a/n: oh did you think this was gonna be a cute lil fluff fic? nahh it’s sad city down there!! be careful..
content warnings: ANGST panic attacks.. hurt (no comfort.) joel is dead. ellie’s a lil sad :/// ellie’s a lil anxious… ellie’s a projection of me.. ANYWAYS. reader and ellie are kinda the same but different ??? swearing ofc.. reader is very much okay with being a lesbian ! and she’s on good terms with the baby fawtha cause what! ellie is not fond of children apparently?? she also might be autistic.
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wc: 2k.
taglist: @flowersforvi @diddiqueen @ellslvr @saturnsdrafts @3lli3l0v3r @williamssgirl @liasxeatt @adelaide013 @a-little-bit-of-everybody @elliessweetheart @pedropascalsbbg @ellies2missingfingers @nelzooo @r3starttt @jaeminpookie @onlinelesbo @tphmnv @p4ison1vy @pascals-doll @snowy-vee @diddiqueen
ellie grew up around masculinity, thats why people assume she is the way she is. but ellie can assure that her brain would work the exact same way if she had a mother.
plus, she had joel. that was really all she needed. she still knew how to be a woman. it’s not like she grew up without a mother and didn’t know anything about herself.
2 WEEKS AND 4 DAYS AGO..
ellie sighed and threw the white stained towel over her shoulder. fuck she muttered under her breath as she read yet another email.
ATTENTION STUDENTS!
You will all be required to purchase the following textbooks in order to complete the course - They will help immensely in the upcoming exam. I recommend reading carefully and thoroughly.
Sincerely,
Prof Morgan.
all 5 of the books linked in the email were over $150.00 each. how the fuck was she supposed to work that out? all while paying her own tuition, rent and utilities.
“yo, williams!” her manager jesse yelled, interrupting her calculations.
“breaks over.” he snatches the towel from her shoulder and makes his way back into the kitchen with it in tow.
she scoffs and shoves her phone back into her polyester pocket. jesse’s head pops back into the room “oh and” he starts before turning to her. “you’re training today” she scoffs and lifts herself off the chair.
“is that even in my job description?” she follows him out of the kitchen once again.
“sure it is, i just described it to you.” he winks, ellie huffs.
the sky had dimmed by the time ellies shift was over. skating home was gonna be a bitch.
“you need a ride home?” dina places a hand atop her shoulder, a helpful smile on her face. ellie really wanted to say no. she’s been asking for help from others so much lately.
“no, uhh- i’ll get home t’night. thanks dee.” she nods as she grabs her skateboard from her locker. have the trucks always been this lose?
“no, i insist.” dina presses. she pulls out her keys and throws her bag over her shoulder.
“let’s go, my child.” she giggles at the nickname. ellies shoulders relax.
“thanks again, i really appreciate it.” ellie said, her tone laced with genuine gratitude. dina dismisses her with a hand flick. “don’t even sweat it.” she bragged. “now get goin, it’s late.”
ellie pushes the car door open with a steady grip on her skateboard. her smile falters as she waves dina off.
she unlocks her door with a trembling hand, she hated being alone.
the picture of her and joel neatly placed beside the coat rack mocked her as she placed her skateboard down in its dedicated spot. she stared into the picture until the colors morphed into one big glob.
the loss of not just a parent, but her only parent cut her deep. she could barely lift her head for the first while, nevermind go to work. she should be proud of herself! but she isn’t.
how could she be? she felt like everyone else in her life was doing so much with themselves. dina had a kid for fucks sake! dina had a whole kid and ellie couldn’t even get to class on time.
“fuck.” she muttered as she placed her keys down. bills upon bills were flooding the kitchen counter. tears burned at her eyes, blurring her eyesight.
i look so pathetic right now. she thought. a slight chuckle leaving her throat at that.
she tried to blink back the tears but she couldn’t, they just kept coming.
her silent whimpers quickly turned to snotty sobs as her chest heaved in and out involuntarily. she placed a heavy hand on her heart as she slid down the kitchen cabinet. soon enough she found herself completely breathless and wailing.
she eventually calmed herself through deep breaths and a cold glass of water. as she does through every panic attack, although the melancholic feeling always lingered.
after joels death ellie could never find herself truly happy. especially not in an environment where he was everything, everytime she turned around she was reminded of the man who wasn’t even her real father.
nothing was really hers.
she made her way down the dark, dusty hallway to her bedroom. desks adorned with pictures of her and joel. she ignored them this time.
she stripped of her uniform and took to the shower. the water burning her skin till it turned red. she scrubbed harshly at her scalp and body. she smelt like grease. gross.
the after shower feeling made her feel a bit better. she grabbed her toothbrush and rinsed it before wiping a glob of colgate toothpaste on the bristles and shoving it in her mouth.
ellie chased sleep for what felt like an eternity. her damp hair scratching at her neck was definitely a part of the problem.
thank god she didn’t work saturdays..
the first 30 seconds of ellie’s day were complete bliss, usually. but not today.
today ellie woke up to the obnoxious sound of a child crying. she decided right then and there that the universe hates her and wants her to die. (but she thinks that about everyone in her life..)
she scoffs and walks over to the curtains, her own padded feet already annoying her.
she peeks out the curtain only to be met with a u-haul and an suv parked in the driveway next door.
new neighbors, how wonderful. and they had a whiny kid! perfect.
she continues watching out the window until she sees you hand off the kid to its father. her eyes follow you until you step into the u-haul and start dragging boxes out. that’s when she sighs and decides to get ready for the day. even though she doesn’t want to.
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your entire life you were desperate to be equal. to be taken seriously. you craved maturity.
you spent your entire childhood chasing adulthood. you were desperate to grow up. you didn’t know it then, but you would regret it.
the one thing you didn’t regret, was felix. the baby that you got out of your last relationship. that was before you realized you were very much a lesbian..
“cmon baby, just put your shoe on.” you struggled against the child in the backseat as he wailed. the sound was excruciating.
“please- can you just let mommy put your shoe on?” you gritted as you attempted to shove the shoe onto her other foot.
“no!” he screamed, almost directly into your face. that was it.
“you know what? fuck it.” you muttered the last words under your breath. truthfully you already weren’t setting a good example, but hey! let not say fuck infront of our kid!
you gave up on the shoes and shushed him gently as you undid his seatbelt from his car seat. you placed him in the arms of his father, tossing the shoe into his dinosaur covered backpack.
he slowly came down from his tantrum as he placed his head on his dads shoulder.
“you sure you don’t need me to help unpack?” your ex asks, unsure of leaving you behind with an entire house to furnish.
“yep! i’m good!” you smile. you gently kiss your baby’s forehead before shutting your car door.
the father nods in response. “just text if you need and we will be here. isn’t that right felix?” he asks the child who nods profusely.
“of course mama!” he shouts causing you and his dad to laugh. “well alright then!” you rush, it was still early but you were eager to get to your gardening before dark.
you watch as your ex buckles the kid in and situated himself in the car, before pulling out of the driveway he rolls down felixs window.
you blow kisses as the pull out of the driveway and take off to ‘the old house’ in your sons words.
as soon as the car is out of sight you make your way over to the U-Haul.
you’re so focused on getting this last box out of the truck that you don’t even feel the presence creep up behind you.
“hey did you need some hel-”
“what the fuck!”
you jump in fear before turning around. being faced with a red headed, green eyed girl.
“oh my god, i’m so sorry.” she apologizes calmly. an awkward look on her face as you stare at her wide eyed.
you chuckle lightly before putting your hands on your hips. “it’s alright, hon.” you reassure.
you two just awkwardly stare at eachother for a few seconds before ellie finally speaks up again.
“i saw you struggling. did you want some help?” she asks. her eyes drifting to the box filled with gardening tools.
“oh that would be amazing!” you said before wiping the sweat of your forehead.
ellies eyes follow a droplet of seat down your neckline all the way down your cleavage. she finds herself licking her lips
before you introduce yourself.
she darts her eyes back up to your own, praying that you didn’t see her blatantly check you out. “i’m- i’m ellie.” she jumps over her words.
since when did you not know how to speak, idiot? she internally face palms before walking over to pick up the box.
“where do you want this?” she asks with a grunt as she steadys the box in her arms.
“just over here” you direct, letting her follow you as you walked over to the side of the house. she follows you and sets the box down with ease. she jokingly wipes the dirt off of her hands before nodding and starting to walk off.
“oh sweetie! i don’t wanna be a bother but would you mind helping me with one more thing?”
you must’ve been magic because somehow you swindled ellie into helping you with almost everything, and she was totally fine with it.
currently you were both at your kitchen island, laughing over a bottle of wine.
ellie had confided in you about school and you had rambled to her about what it’s like to be a mother.
“yeah, i mean- besides pregnancy it’s not all that bad.” you admit. ellie’s face shifts at the mention of pregnancy.
“i don’t know if i could ever have a baby inside me. i think i’d like- die.?” she questions. “not that i would of course” she giggles. your face becomes a look of confusion.
“no boyfriend? or just not one for kids?” you ask. you totally forgot that it’s very possible for her to be-
“i’m a lesbian” she answers and takes another sip of wine. her eyes watching your face for any negative reaction.
you clap your hands over your mouth quickly. now it seems obvious.
“i am so sorry, that totally slipped my mind.” she laughs at your attempts to redeem yourself.
“it’s totally chill, don’t worry.” she reassures, a smile on her face.
“i am too, actually.” you admit, it was your first time admitting it to someone other than yourself of your now ex husband.
“oh i was just gonna ask if that was your husband out there earlier.” she fidgets with the rings on her fingers as she asks.
“well, ex. it’s not easy to find a baby sitter that actually takes care of my kid these days.” you admit to her. she ponders for a slight moment before speaking up again.
“well, if you’re looking. i’m usually free during the day, i work nights most of the time.” she offers up. she wasn’t really sure why. she wasn’t even a fan of kids.
“really?!” it looks like your eyes had bulged out of your head. “god that would be amazing! i’ll pay you!”
ellie didn’t hear anything besides ‘i’ll pay you’ that’s all she needed to know.
“yeah of course. i’ll take him.” she confirmed.
that night ellie left with your phone number and a smidge of hope in her heart.
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shanastoryteller · 1 day
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ROSES ARE RED, AND THIS IS BEDONKS
CAN I PRETTY PLEASE HAVE SOME PERCY AND TONKS 🌹💖
“What’s going on with Percy?”
Kingsley looks ups from his paperwork to find Amelia looming over him. Not exactly a common occurrence, since he’s well over a foot taller than her. “Brooks?”
“Merlin, don’t speak to me about Percy Brooks,” she says, pulling a face. She’s the one who brought him up! “Weasley.”
He blinks several times, rolling through Arthur’s children until he lands on the appropriate redhead. A bit uptight, considering his parentage, but Molly can fret with the best of them up until she gets fed up and settles matters with her wand. “I could get Tonks in here, if you want.”
“Do they know each other?” she asks in interest. “They were in different houses, and a couple years apart.”
How does she know that? He knew that, but it was against his will. “Tonks is dating him. Or trying? I’m not totally clear on the specifics despite her best efforts.”
He hadn’t anticipated how much work it would take for him to dodge a trainee determined to complain to him about her love life. It speaks well of her future in the field, at least. Or poorly of his own abilities, but he’s fairly confident in those, so he’s comfortable giving her the credit here.
“Great, a harassment case waiting to happen for our department,” she says dryly.
He rolls his eyes. “The only person he’s complaining about it to is Tonks. Who takes it as encouragement. Which, considering the cause and effect, it very well might be.”
“That’s what I’m talking about,” Amelia says. “What’s what this kid?”
Kingsley is lost again. “Can you get a little more specific?”
“Crouch’s department has become efficient, and dare I saw, effective over the last couple months. It’s certainly got nothing to do to with Crouch, since he’s been useless for nearly a decade. The only thing that’s changed is Percy. Who attends every meeting, claiming Crouch sent him to take notes, and then memos and policy get signed and sent out of Crouch’s office when I know for a fact Crouch is too busy harassing me to do his damn job.”
He tries to avoid the obvious answer because it’s the most ridiculous. “You think it’s him?”
“Who else?” she returns.
Well. “Do you… want me to arrest him?”
“What good would that do?” she demands. “The department is operating smoothly for once. I want to know what his deal is. Is he loyal to Crouch? Plotting against us? Just really passionate about bottom thickness?”
Not according to Tonks.
Uhg.
If he was alone, he’d bang his head on his desk until he’s unable to remember what Tonks’s voice sounded like and then maybe he’d know peace.
“Everyone’s got to start somewhere,” he says. “You’re noticing. Maybe that’s what he’s after.”
“I’m noticing because I notice everything. He’s taking significant steps to ensure people don’t notice. How’s he supposed to get promoted that way? Or transferred?” She shakes her head. “He’s doing it for a reason. Do me a favor and find out.”
Why can’t she ask him something simple, like hiding a body or burying evidence?
Now he has to spend his lunch break listening to Tonks talk about her not-boyfriend.
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joelslastofus · 2 days
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[SUMMARY: TW: miscarriage
Joel finds out you were pregnant and miscarried while he was on a work trip with Tommy.]
Angst fluff
Joel didn’t have to know you were pregnant in order to be hurt, the thought of you carrying his child was something he realized he wanted.
 “I’ll be home soon, honey. I love you” Joel’s voice on the other end of the phone causing a knot in your throat. 
“I love you too” you barely managed to say without a crack. Joel had no idea what had happened to you that morning. While Sarah was in school for the past seven hours you were in the hospital alone. Joel and Tommy had gone off to a work trip for the past two days and no one knew what was happening.
No one had even known you were pregnant. 
It had only been a week since you learned you were pregnant. In shock and unsure of how Joel would feel about it you stalled telling him not thinking this would happen. You wish you would’ve told him the second you knew, you wished so badly for him to be there with you at this moment, you knew he would’ve been. Thankful to be back home you decided that you wouldn’t tell Joel. With a sigh you stood up leaving the room only to see Sarah standing by the dining room table looking down at a paper. Immediately your heart sunk, she wasn’t suppose to be home for another hour, you hadn’t even heard her come in.
“Sarah-“ you walked up towards her swallowing nervously as she slowly looked back between you and the paper.
“Sarah, I can explain” you began nervously. You would’ve never left your discharge papers on the table when you walked in had you known she would be home early today. 
“You…you were pregnant?” The word still sending a shock through you.
“I…I-“ she finally looked up at you with confusion and shock herself. 
“I was but-“
“What happened?”
“Um, I…I had a miscarriage” the reality somehow setting in once those words were spoken aloud. Sarah’s light eyes widened, a bit of guilt not expecting to have barged into something so private.
“It’s ok, Sarah…I’m fine now-“
“It says you were bleeding heavily” she spoke with concern. 
“What did my dad say?” Once again your heart sinking, Sarah could tell by your reaction you hadn’t said a word to Joel.
“I..I haven’t had a chance-“
“What? Why not? You should call him, he’ll come home right away”
“I am ok, Sarah” you insisted slowly taking the papers from her hands. 
“But you should be resting and-“
“Please don’t call your father, he’ll be home tomorrow night. I don’t want to worry him.” 
Sarah sighed before noticing a hint of sadness in your eyes. 
“Do you want to talk about it?” Her question making you look up. 
“There’s nothing to talk about but thank you, Sarah” quickly you turned away before she could spot the tears welling up in your eyes.
    Sarah went to her room with the house phone hoping you wouldn’t notice. Staring at her door hoping you wouldn’t come in she called her father despite what you wanted. 
“Hey dad, can you come home tonight?” 
“I wish I could babygirl but Tommy and I have another night of work here, everything alright?” He responded as he held the phone between his shoulder and ear while working. 
She stood silent which caught his attention. 
“Sarah, baby what’s the matter?” 
“Nothing I just think you should come home tonight” she finally expressed softly. 
“Have you spoken to y/n today?” 
“Not too long ago, why?” Joel stopped what he was doing grabbing the phone with his hand.
“What’s wrong with y/n?” 
“Don’t tell her I called you, just come home tonight please? It’s not for me, I’m fine just please, dad” 
“Alright, sweetheart. Don’t you worry, I’ll be there tonight” Sarah thanked him and hung up the phone not saying much of anything else. 
Joel stood in place concerned with what could be going on, concerned with what his daughter couldn’t say. 
“Alright, we’re leaving tonight” he turned to Tommy who raised a brow. 
“There’s no way we can finish this today-“
“Well it’s gonna have to wait, got an issue back at home” 
“What happened?” 
“Don’t know, but start packin’” Joel began picking up supplies as his mind wandered off. He knew it must’ve been important, Sarah never bothered him for anything while he was at work. 
   That evening you stood in the kitchen washing dishes, everything still felt surreal for you yet you still refused to say a word. Sarah came out of her room and noticed you slightly lose your balance stepping to the side, the amount of blood loss making you woozy. 
“You ok?” She asked making you stand up straight. 
“Yes” you lied, even with pain medication the doctor gave you the experience was anything but comfortable. That’s when you heard Joel’s truck pull up in the front making you quickly turn off the water. 
“Joel’s back?” You walked to the window as Sarah stood silently in the kitchen knowing why he returned. 
“He didn’t tell me he was coming-“ you turned to Sarah knowing she must’ve said something. 
“You called him didn’t you?” She stood silent not wanting you to get upset with her but she felt it was the right thing to do. 
“Sarah, I asked you not to call him-“
“He doesn’t know anything, I just asked him to come early. You shouldn’t be going through this alone” she explained but before you could respond Joel walked in through the front door. 
   At first he stood silent, he could tell he had just walked into something.
“Where’s Tommy?” You asked trying your best to seem as casual as you could. 
“He’ll be back in the mornin’” he set his bag down beside him before looking at Sarah whom stood beside you with her arms behind her back. 
“Sarah” he waited for her to speak, to give him something, but she remained quiet. 
“Look, I don’t know why Sarah called you, everything is fine-“
“Just tell him” Sarah insisted without looking up. 
“Tell me what?” He raised a brow as he walked towards you stopping just a foot away. Joel knew you very well, he knew something was wrong.
“Talk to me,honey” 
Looking down you began to fidget with your fingers, this wasn’t how you wanted to tell him.
“Joel, it’s nothing I just-“
“She was in the hospital” Sarah blurt out. 
“Hospital?” A deep crease forming between his brows, concern in his voice. 
“What happened? You alright?” He grabbed your face as if he was trying to see what was wrong but you quickly pushed his hands away.
“I am fine now I said” you walked towards the bedroom stepping inside as Joel quickly followed. 
“If she won’t say it then I will” Joel turned back to Sarah. A tiny piece of you wanting Sarah to get it over with but you knew it had to be you.
“No” you quickly yelled out before she could say another word with your back to them.
“I…I was pregnant, Joel. I was pregnant and I lost the baby,” you blurt out shocking them both. You didn’t look back, you couldn’t bare the image of his brown eyes at the news. Joel felt like he had been hit with a ton of bricks, how didn’t he notice? Having a baby wasn’t something either of you had spoken of but you always wanted to be a mother. 
Joel looked at Sarah and silently motioned for her to leave the room before he spoke. Sarah obliged and closed the door behind her just relieved that her father finally knew and that you weren’t alone. Joel turned back to you and could tell you were crying in silence. You could hear his footsteps slowly coming towards you before feeling his hands on your waist.
“C’mere” you took a deep breath before turning to him and burying your face in his chest. His arms wrapped around you as you for the first time allowed yourself to feel it.
Joel was silent hearing you cry..the thought of you alone in the hospital didn’t sit well with him. The thought of you being pregnant and him not knowing a thing…
You looked up at him and could tell he was lost in thought.
“Are you mad at me?”
Your question bringing his eyes quickly down to you.
“Of course not” he assured you.
“But I need you to understand one thing, darling” you looked up at him patiently to hear what he had to say.
“I can’t have you ever going through anything like this again and you not telling me, you understand?” he gently wiped your tears with his thumbs as you nodded and noticed his jaw tense up.
“How long did you know?”
“A week” you whispered seeing a hint of hurt in his eyes.
“I..I didn’t say anything because I didn’t know how you would feel. I was going to tell you when you came back…I didn’t expect this to happen” you began to cry again as his hands held your face.
“It’s alright, I’m here with you. Lets get you in bed” you took a deep breath and did as he said. Since coming home from the hospital you hadn’t exactly taken it slow the way the doctor asked. Laying in bed turning to your side you sighed as Joel covered you with a blanket.
“Where are you going?” You asked just as you felt the weight of his body on the bed beside you, his arm sliding over your waist pulling you perfectly against him.
“I’m right here, baby” he whispered in your ear. He kissed the side of your face holding you close as you for once felt some kind of calmness today.
After some time Joel made sure you were asleep and slowly slipped out of bed. Placing the blanket over you he kissed your forehead and walked out.
Sarah sat in the living room watching tv when she noticed her father come out of the room. He stood by the door rubbing the back of his neck, still taking in what he had just found out.
“She mad at me?” Sarah’s voice made Joel look up.
“No, sweetheart, she knows you were only worried” he walked towards her by the couch and sat down beside with her with a deep sigh.
“Did you guys plan this?” Sarah couldn’t help but ask. Joel silently shook his head leaning forward.
“I’m just as surprised as you were, kid”
“Well did you want a baby?”
Joel stood silent staring at the ground, a thought that hadn’t left his mind since you had expressed what happened. Yet, he didn’t know how to respond to that to his daughter, how would’ve Sarah felt?
“Look babygirl-“
“Dad, if you do it’s not gonna upset me. I like y/n, it’d be cool to have a sibling….” Sarah shrugged catching Joel off guard.
“I’m gonna go to bed” she stood up as she yawned before looking down at her father still lost in thought.
“I’m sorry about what happened” she unexpectedly leaned down and gave him a peck on the cheek before walking away. Sarah’s reaction only causing Joel to understand more of what exactly he was feeling.
He was hurt.
Joel didn’t have to know you were pregnant in order to be hurt, the thought of you carrying his child was something he realized he wanted.
He couldn’t imagine what it was like sitting alone in the hospital. He knew he should’ve listened to himself when he heard the way you sounded over the phone, something hadn’t seemed right but you brushed it off as a hard day at work. Staring into space thinking about all that happened he was distracted by you coming out of the bedroom. Quickly he stood up rushing towards you to make sure you were ok.
“I’m here, baby. I just couldn’t sleep” he stopped inches away as you leaned back against the wall.
“It’s ok, I just needed some water”
“Could’ve called out to me, I don’t want you doing more than you should” he walked towards the kitchen getting you a glass.
“I can get myself a cup of water, Joel” you responded softly following him to the kitchen.
You could still see the concern in his eyes.
“How do you feel?” He asked looking up as he bought you the glass.
“I’m ok, just tired” you could feel him watching you as you took a sip, you could feel there was more he wanted to say…more he wanted to know.
“How far long were you?” He crossed his arms leaning against the counter.
“Nine weeks”
He didn’t respond, pressing his lips together as he looked deep into thought. He caught himself lost in that moment and realized you were looking down in your own world, obviously upset. Joel reached for you grabbing your hand and slowly pulled you close against him. He didn’t say another word and he didn’t have to, the touch of him was always enough to give you a sense of calmness…Joel always had a way with touch. At a moment like this it’s all you really needed, his arms around you assuring you he was right there with you.
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teddiesworldd · 3 days
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the man behind the mask.
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ghost finally opens up to you enough to let you see under the mask (800 words)
a/n: this is super cute and one of my favourite works so far, so i hope you enjoy!
pairing: ghost x gn reader
tags/warnings: no warnings, fluffy, maybe a little angsty in places(?), taking off the mask, first kiss, reader in 141.
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it was a quiet afternoon at the base and somehow you had ended up in ghost’s quarters again. he acted like he didn’t want you there, but really, he didn’t mind. it was hard for him to keep up his scary, emotionless persona around you. something about you just softened him around the edges more than anyone else could. that was probably why he kept opening the door to you every time you knocked. 
normally, it was because you were “bored” or “couldn’t sleep”. but really, it was just because you liked spending time with him. and recently he’d been opening up to you a lot more than usual.
when your little knocks echoed through his room, something inside him just felt right. he’d never felt it before. god, one time you had even made him laugh. a proper laugh too, that ripped through his chest. he’d never laughed like that, not since he was a kid. 
so when you asked him if he wanted to watch a movie with him tonight, he let you in and decided to sit closer to you than he had before. in fact, he was so close that you realised half way through the movie that his arm had been around the back of your spot on the couch the whole time. 
and when he got up to make you both a tea, you decided to follow him into the kitchen. 
you’re not sure what made you. maybe you'd just feel too lonely without him, waiting for him to come back with the drinks. 
you found him leaning his back on the kitchen counter, eyes already on you as you slowly came through the doorframe. 
you walked over to him and stood in front of him. closely. maybe a little too closely. 
“what do you hide, under that mask?” you whispered as you reached your hands up to his face, kettle boiling softly in the background as the movie played into an empty room.
your fingers dipped under its fabric, grasping it slightly, half expecting him to grab your hands and push you away. 
but he didn’t. 
he just looked down at you with those dark, cold eyes. watching you. waiting for your next move. 
you pulled the mask up slowly, keeping eye contact to make sure you could read him. you didn’t want to scare him away. you revealed his chin, then his lips. you stopped there, not wanting to go too fast. you were shocked that he didn’t shout at you, tell you to get out, never speak to you again for pushing a boundary. but he didn’t. you just looked at him, taking in this new part of him for the first time. 
his whole face was littered with thick white scars and fading red gashes. he had little pieces missing from his jawline and his nose had a bump in the middle, a reminder of all the times he had broken it in the past. one of his scars was so deep - it went right through his mouth and down to his chin, distorting the shape. his lips, though, were pink and plump. and so inviting. you could kiss them. you really could-
"take a picture, it'll last longer" he said, rolling his eyes at you with a sort of smirk, revealing his white but crooked teeth. 
"i-" he pulled you in, pressing his lips to yours. it was needy but it wasn’t rough. it was sweet and meaningful. you weren’t expecting it at all. it took you a second to actually realise what was happening and relax into him, wrapping your arms around his neck. his hands were on the small of your back, holding you close so your bodies were together, souls intertwined. you knew that it had probably been a long time since he’d let anyone be this close to him. maybe it was the first time ever. but it was hard to form real thoughts with the way his lips just melted into yours. and when his tongue dragged across your bottom lip, you happily let him in, deepening the kiss, causing a pink blush to form across both of your cheeks. 
when the kettle clicked off he slowly pulled away, both of you out of breath and processing what had just happened. 
you half expected him to say something. but he just pulled the mask back down and made you a tea, placing the warm mug into your small hands. a token of his appreciation for letting him trust you. for letting him trust again.
you supposed he never really was great with his words. 
in his head, it was a silent "please, never leave. stay here in my room forever". and something in his eyes was warmer than it was before.
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seelestars · 2 days
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Slow dance with Aventurine plz 👀🙏🏻
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SLOW DANCE W/ AVEN… except the two of you are on an undercover spy mission ♡
a/n : ik this wasn’t related to the og req, but his bp icon got me thinking… and then out came this spy mission idea _:(´ཀ`」 ∠): hope u still enjoy tho ! had to google vids of slow dancing for this only to end up not being so descriptive abt it
you and aventurine were tasked with the objective of gathering intel on some people that ran the current planet the ipc wanted to conquer. except—it was specifically requested that you two harvest the information in a way that didn’t involve violence.
which is why the two of you were attending a banquet hosted by your targets as spies, wearing clothes that were equally as fancy as the attire of everyone else attending.
the place reeked of expensive champagne and luxury, couples inviting each other for romantic dances. it made you feel out of place, since you had nobody to dance with. you supposed it could make you and aventurine stick out like a sore thumb among everyone else—being some of the only people that were currently not dancing.
somehow, aventurine must have read your mind, because what he asked of you next was exactly what you were just pondering about.
“my lovely partner, why don’t we share a dance together? your envy is too obvious whenever you look at the couples here.” aventurine snickers, a fox-like grin on his lips as he extends his hand towards you. he had even decided to use a more affectionate term to refer to you, causing you to immediately perk up. it was quite amusing to him to watch you avert your gaze shyly whenever he acted more affectionate towards you.
“…no need. we’re not here to dance, aventurine. we’re here to do our job.” you decline, shaking your head. you couldn’t just let him distract you two from your main objective here… even though you would really like for him to distract you if it meant he would dance with you.
“oh? are you sureeee?~ after all, it’s a one in a lifetime opportunity to dance with *the* aventurine.” aventurine clicks his tongue playfully, teasing you. “besides, it’s only for a bit anyway. im sure it’s no harm if we get a bit sidetracked, no?” he doesn’t try overly hard to convince you anyway—he was sure you’ll give in without much persuasion. that’s how you always were when it came to him, unable to resist his charm.
“…fine. I suppose we can afford to get a bit sidetracked, just this once.” you sigh softly, a small smile on your lips as you inevitably give in to his desires. with slight reluctance, you take his gloved hand in yours as he begins to guide the two of you into a slow, romantic dance.
before you knew it, you were caught amidst an intense dance with aventurine. your gazes locked with each other as you carefully make sure not to step on his feet, as does he. you were sure your cheeks were very flushed currently—but he was right. it wasn’t everyday someone got to dance with someone like aventurine, who was the type of person both the ladies and gentlemen yearned for. so, you made sure to savor this precious moment.
aventurine then delicately guides you to do a twirl, letting out a soft chuckle once you do. “hehe, we should definitely dance like this more often, my lovely partner. we make for a good pair, don’t we?” he grins, smug that he managed to secure a dance with you. to him, you were so gorgeous that if there weren’t so many couples in this banquet already, everyone would be asking for a dance with you.
“…mm. we’ll see about that.” the way you smiled and looked at him made it quite obvious you would allow him more opportunities like this in the future. sure, this may have been a completely unnecessary distraction—but it was a pleasant one. a pleasant distraction that you wouldn’t mind happening more often if he was the cause.
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sc0tters · 2 days
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Dreams Come True | Trevor Zegras
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summary: Trevor shows you just how competitive he can get when you get cozy with Jack
request: yes/no
warnings: sexual themes, p in v, oral (fem receiving), light bondage, swearing.
word count: 4.75k
authors note: it’s the way that the last time I wrote for him was in part one… so it was safe to say I was a little rusty with Trevor and natural sought the help of the woman who writes him better than anyone else @sweetestdesire so let’s thank her both helping this fic and inspiring portions of it! I’m starting to behave with my endings, but that doesn’t mean I can’t still have my fun 😏
pt 1
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Trevor was pissed off.
He had won a massive game against the devils and all he was meant to do was come home and celebrate. The boy had invited you along to the game and you were meant to be his guest, yet somehow you were in the flurry of red.
Sure Trevor knew Jack was disappointed after the game but you were meant to be congratulating him for winning. Not standing hugging Jack as you told him how proud you were of his effort. You had always had a soft spot for the boy feeling bad for him after the rough rookie season he had.
Yet none of that seemed to matter as Trevor glared at the Hughes boy when you laughed at one of his jokes, because what could have been that funny? Jack eventually noticed the sharp looks that were being sent his way “something happen between you and Z?” He furrowed his eyebrows motioning to the boy who was still staring at you both.
It made you frown as you locked eyes with Trevor “nothing has happened.” Your cheeks grew warm remembering how you woke up to him after your wet dream “you sure?” Jack teased remembering how you used to have a crush on Trevor when you guys were kids.
It made you scoff as you sent him a playful glare “Jack I think I would know if something happened to me.” You shot back letting out a giggle as the boy pulled you into a hug “just making sure you’re keeping me in the loop.” He mumbled kissing your head in the process.
The middle Hughes boy always did have a soft spot for you “kid we are going now.” Trevor’s announced causing your head to snap in his direction “talk soon?” You asked looking at the younger boy who nodded with a smile.
He squeezed your side “keep him out of trouble.” Jack teased you causing a giggle to erupt from your lips “you want to go or get a cab?” Trevor’s rolled his eyes at the joke reminding you that he was waiting.
That was all it took for you to leave the Hughes boy “c’mon don’t be too grumpy with me now.” You joked growing concerned as he stood there refusing to look at you “what makes you think I’m grumpy?”Trevor grumbled as he still made sure to open the door to let you out first.
Yet you stood there solid as you crossed your arms “tell me why you’re irritated and then we can go.” You shot back causing a smirk to form on his face “I just think if you want to go support him then you should be wearing red.” Trevor looked to your jersey as you were in one of his old ones.
Your hands fixed the front of it as you furrowed your eyebrows “I was just being a good friend to Jack.” You pointed out in a duh tone “look let’s just go home.” Trevor’s sighed as he wiped his palms on his shorts.
It felt like a game of back and forth as you didn’t want to concede first “fucking move before I throw you over my shoulder.” The boy warned as he took a step closer to you “you wouldn’t dare.” You shook your head not believing that he had it in him.
But of course that was your first mistake. Within seconds Trevor crouched down and wrapped his arms around your hips lifting you up over his shoulder “Trevor!” You squealed clenching your fists as you banged them against his back “warned ya.” He shrugged with a smirk as the feeling of your hands against his back was nothing.
He carried you to the car with little debate “can you put me down?” You huffed finally giving up as you just let him carry you “you finally going to stop being a brat?” He cocked his head dropping your feet when he got to his car.
It made a smile form on your lips “never.” You felt his hands slide to your shoulders as he stepped closer to you “you’re a little shit you know that right?” He clicked his tongue trying to act irritated.
A laugh left your lips as you nodded “but that’s why you love me ain’t it?” You cocked your head as he sighed “just get in please.” His voice was softer as his facial expressions grew gentle.
This time you instead opted to listen “okay.” You nodded causing him to let out a sigh of relief as he wasn’t going to have to fight you on it “please remind me why I am best friends with her brother.” Trevor’s mumbled to himself once he shut your sides car door.
The ride back to his place was awkward. You kept your eyes glued to the window beside you as it seemed Trevor still didn’t want to talk about what pissed him off “Z?” Your voice was barely above a whisper when you heard him turn the key shutting the ignition off.
He felt guilty picturing you moaning that on his couch when you had that dream. It was something neither one of you opted to talk about and the feelings were only now starting to bubble out about it “are you really mad at me?” Concerned flashed over your face as the dim lights of the parking building made your eyes shine when you looked at him.
You were spending the night with him again but needed to know you were okay “I’m never mad at you.” He shook his head as his hands wrapped around slid to your lap “don’t like having to share you.” Trevor’s confessed as he ran his thumb over your thigh.
It made your breath cut as you turned your body even closer to his “you don’t share me.” You pointed out as you sent him a smile “not if you don’t want to.” You mumbled swearing that the car was getting even hotter.
Those words were like music to his ears “you get to shoot me when I say you’re not mine alone.” Trevor cupped your cheek as he smiled “then I think you should make me yours Z.” You gasped feeling his lips finally meet yours.
It was like this moment that made your brain go numb, enjoying the way his touch made your body feel on fire. He let his free hand tug at your body, almost as if he was worried that you were going to leave. His touch was careful until your own hand scratched at his chest allowing his taste to captivate you as it danced on your tongue “Z.” You moaned feeling shivers travel through your body.
His mumbled grunt had you ready to into his arm “god I need you.” He blurted out deciding that his cock was becoming too painful against his suit pants. The boy watched you nod as you looked around you both “c’mon I’m not fucking you in my car yet.” Trevor’s words filled you with anticipation as your imagination ran wild thinking of all the different possibilities fun you could have with him.
Even as he was focused on the discomfort in his pants he still found the time to open your door for you “such a sweet boy.” You teased getting up as the boy rolled his eyes “yeah, yeah move along now.” He grumbled holding his duffel bag in one hand and his other wrapped around your waist spinning you around as he held your ass pressed against his cock.
Your breath faltered at the feeling his hair against your neck “be a good girl and walk ahead okay?” Trevor sucked at your ear lobe causing your body to shake in response “okay.” You forced the words from your lips as you bit at the inside of your cheek.
He smirked to himself as he clicked his tongue as you stayed still “you want to get a move on now or?” The hockey player teased pressing a kiss against your cheek. Your hands gripped at his coat tugging him along with you “god baby you’re so pretty tonight.” He confessed finally allowing his hands to leave your waist when the doors to the elevator shut. Your back was pressed against the mirror before you knew it, leaving you grateful that it was just the two of you in there.
Once hating how you wore his jersey so freely now Trevor couldn’t get enough of the sight “just tonight?” You giggled allowing your hands to travel to his waistband“and here I was thinking I was the girl of your dreams.” Your lips formed a playful pout seeing how his cheeks went flushed.
The stereotypical elevator music played in your ears “you know you are.” The hockey player trapped you in with one hand by your side and the other took one of your own “this is all for you princess.” He announced cupping your hand over his hardon.
His aftershave was sickeningly sweet as it invaded your nostrils “you’re gonna get me in so much trouble.” You announced hearing the door opened with a ding, signalling that you guys had made it to his floor “c’mon.” He ushered you out interlacing his hand with yours.
This time when you walked out to the familiar landscape of the hallway yet now you looked around like this was a foreign place where your heart pounded out of your chest “you getting cold feet on me now?” Trevor teased squeezing your hand as you shook your head “gonna have to do a lot more to keep me away pretty boy.” You mumbled pecking his lips before you got to his door.
It was as though the boy didn’t want to lose your hand as it was you who had to let go of his. He was then quick to fish his keys out of his jacket pocket letting you both into his place. The feeling of his lips was left on yours like a loved up couple dancing around your lips “you don’t know how happy I am to finally get you.” Trevor let his bag drop to the floor as a grin painted across your face.
He loved how responsive you were as he kissed you again. Now any potential fears that he might have had of people watching the sight left his mind and the only thing Trevor could think about was you. Your taste was enough to make him want more. His hands clawed at your jeans as the two of you acted like horny teenagers needing each other like oxygen.
Moans left your lips in place of air as your hands tugged at his hair “jump.” He ordered sliding his hands down the curve of your ass to support your weight. You didn’t need to be told twice crossing your legs around his hips as your tongue grazed over his lip “need you.” You pleaded pulling away as you let your forehead rest against his.
It held your desperate moment as you whimpered “c’mon then.” He mumbled carrying you to his room. The path had always been engraved in your mind but tonight you couldn’t help but think back to your dream and how his hands now felt perfect against you.
The boy had the same thoughts through his mind as he smiled letting you drop to his bed “what. Do. You. Want. Me. To. Do?” He asked between the kisses he used to attack your jaw.
It made your breath shake as your eyes watched him nestle between your thighs “I want you to tell me what you think of in that pretty little mind of yours.” Trevor explained letting a smile form on his lips as your cheeks turned red “I know you think about me making you feel good doll.” His words were enough to make you squirm.
Ever since that day when he caught you mid dream you hadn’t been able to forget about it, often finding ways to elaborate on your memories “you make me feel so good.” You whimpered feeling your skin grow warm “with your tongue first.” The latter was barely audible as a spark shone in his eyes.
It was like this bright gleam as he smirked “so I do take you for more than one round?” He teased tracing his hands dangerously close to the hem of your jersey “and when do I get you out of these?” As his cock throbbed in his pants Trevor was desperate to get a move on.
Your eyes flickered to your jeans “these went first.” You revealed making him nod “you gonna let me?” You should have been ashamed by the way that you desperately nodded.
He undid the button of your jeans and pulled down the zipper as he watched you catch your lip between your teeth “you’re so fucking pretty.” Trevor’s reminded you taking the chance to kiss your lips once more. The boy adored his responsive you were to him as the little alcohol you drank that night made his brain feel fuzzy.
Even as you had grown to have feelings for him over the years. you were still just as comfortable with this version of him as you were with the one who would steal food from your plate, when he’d sit on top of you acting like you weren’t there. Trevor watched you smile when he took that moment to go back to what he was doing “cute.” He teased seeing the blue checkered print on your panties.
A laugh left his lips as he watched you roll your eyes “you know Jack would have fucked me by now.” You knew that you were now playing a dangerous game but somehow you didn’t mind as you sent him a glare “then I think it’s about time I get you out of my jersey.” The hockey player emphasised his reminder of whose number was on your back.
Trevor’s movements were powered by irritation and his natural competitiveness also had him wanting to prove her wrong “think you knew you were gonna get fucked tonight didn’t you?” Trevor’s smirked seeing your matching set “but I guess I should ask by who?” He sucked his teeth as he couldn’t help but feel jealous about how your bra got to hug your breasts on an everyday occurrence.
You could have told him the truth but instead you felt like the secrets of your third addition to your dreams should be kept to yourself “you.” You squirmed feeling like head staring into your soul.
As his hands hooked into your panties you wanted him with intent “god you’re going to kill me.” You whined as the cold air came in contact with your cunt “like making you work for your reward.” He teased shuffling down his bed to get comfortable.
Trevor couldn’t help but lick his lips “god you’re a fucking beaut.” The boy mumbled as he kissed at your thighs. Equally spreading his attention between the two “fuck please.” You begged running your fingers over your stomach.
The neediness that glazed your eyes was enough to make him nod. His head dropped allowing him to lick a stripe up her slot. If this was anyone else you would have hated naked you were. Yet instead you shuddered the moment his tongue came in contact with your clit. All those late nights with nothing more than your vibrator and your imagination were put to shame by the needy boy who lay in front of you.
Your hands trailed to his hair desperately attempting to claw at something “don’t stop.” You mewled scrunching your toes in pleasure as his tongue dropped into your core. His nose teased your clit occasionally hitting the sensitive bundle of nerves.
Trevor watched in awe as he fucked your soaked cunt with his tongue treating you like a final meal as his arms wrapped around your thighs. Your eyes locked with his and you swore he took it as a challenge, like he wasn’t hitting the right spots as your eyes were still open.
The moment his head tilted allowing his tongue to reach a point that was deeper within you, you knew you were a goner. Your thighs began to shake as they pressed against the sides of his head “you’re gonna make me come.” You cried using the little focus you had available to drive your hips against his face constantly angling for him to continue hitting your g-spot.
Trevor moaned at the feeling of your cunt clenching around his tongue “just like that.” You pleaded unaware of how tears formed in your waterline as you were lead to your first orgasm that you hadn’t given yourself in months.
Your moans and cries bounced off of his bedroom walls preparing them for the stories that they would surely hold from tonight’s activities “Jesus Trevor oh.” Your lips formed a circle as your eyes screwed shut leaving your body to squirm still driving your hips to his mouth.
The hockey player swore he was dreaming as your salty release landed on his tongue and he continued to lap it up until you clearly began to lose it “no Z.” You mumbled trying to pull away from him when he let his tongue lay flat against your clit pressing a kiss to the sensitive nub before he pulled away.
There was a moment he took where he just sat there with a smirk on his face admiring the work that he had done already “you gonna let me continue making you feel so good?” He muttered honestly wondering if he had it within himself to behave until that point.
A mewl left your lips in delight as his hands tugged at the straps of your bra not caring for the fact that he had managed to rip it “Trevor!” You groaned feeling the elastic shoot against your skin “sorry doll.” His amused tone highlighted how he was anything but that “I’ll buy you another.” The hockey player offered adding seeing that hushed words did barely enough make you feel better so instead he pressed a kiss to your temple.
Your breasts bounced the moment they were released from your bra “‘s not fair you ain’t naked too.” You complained seeing his suit still on him “life ain’t fair doll.” He teased running his hands along your torso until her breasts.
A huff left your lips as his thumbs grazed your nipples “you want to know who would have been naked?” You asked watching his face hover over yours as it tilted practically edging you to answer “Jack.” The name was like a weight that hit Trevor like an anvil. The jab was a taunt and now he was left to decide how to react.
His response was to pinch your stiff peaks, letting the bud roll between his fingers “you really think he’d have you feeling as good as I do?” The hockey player let out a grunt as he rolled his eyes “uh huh.” You couldn’t allow yourself to back down now.
He had this constant desire to outcompete Jack was bubbling through his system. After seeing her so close to Jack that night, Trevor knew that he had one chance to fix it all once and for all to become the outright favourite. His sharp gaze made you force your thighs together as his nimble fingers tugged at his shirt.
The tie that once complimented his neck was now long gone as he threw it onto his navy comforter “can’t believe you’re still such a brat even after all that I do for you.” He grumbled picking it back up once he saw how your eyes sparkled seeing it “arms.” Trevor pushed his hands together showing you what to do.
Part of you was confused enough that you listened pushing your wrists together “up.” The cool metal of his bed frame was freezing against your skin causing your lips to form an o “since you want to act like such a brat you don’t get touch me.” His words were met with a whimper as you went to complain “you cry about it and I’m sure you’re gonna love the taste of your pretty little panties in your mouth.” Trevor warned making you gulp as you began to think about his offer.
Once you remained silent he instead looked to continue pulling his clothes off “not a brat.” You mumbled looking to his comforter “so you won’t mind me fucking his name right out of your mouth?” The boy was serious as his boxers were the final addition to the clothing pile that had formed on his floor.
Trevor fiddled through his bedside cabinet to get a condom from the box “would have fucked you raw but not even you deserve that much.” He grumbled to himself tearing the metallic wrapper to reveal the latex element. His cock throbbed feeling the air of the room around him “god please just fuck me already.” You pleaded kicking your legs as you felt helpless not being able to move your arms.
He laughed as he rolled the condom over his cock “how can I say no when you ask so nicely.” The hockey player cooed crawling back onto the bed as you pulled your legs up spreading them for him to get a view of your soaking desperate cunt “I’m ready to fuck his name right outta your mouth.” Trevor’s voice was so low that you weren’t sure if he was talking to you or not.
You nodded chewing at the inside of your cheek “will believe it when I see it.” If there was a hole then you were digging yourself into it “you’re lucky I have been picturing fucking this cunt for years.” He grunted running his covered cock over your slit teasing your clit causing a moan to leave your lips.
Trevor like you had these dreams at night and his hand with the memory of your moans were now no longer enough to make him come “jesus fuck.” You gasped as your cunt stretched around his cock “it’s just me doll.” His hands found themselves by your sides as he kissed you letting the vibe grow soft like he genuinely cared.
Maybe it was for the fact that you were currently full with his cock but this time you couldn’t argue back “please move.” Your hands tugged at his tie finally feeling stretched out “you feel like heaven.” Trevor groaned beginning to settle into a rhythm.
He enjoyed watching how your body bounced with each creak of the headboard.
Your eyes trailed down his body taking snapshots of his chiseled chest. He smirked picking up how your mouth watered at the sight of his throbbing cock thrusting into you “like keeping those pretty little eyes on me huh?” The boy teased angling his thrusts upward to get a deeper angle.
The room got hot as you whimpered “fuck you feel so good.” Your legs snaked around his hips refusing to let him go “you know I’m the only one who makes you feel this good right?” He murmured running his tongue along your jaw.
It made you shiver as your breasts throbbed “answer the question before I stop.” Trevor raised his hand to slap your thigh making you moan “only you z.” You nodded feeling your wrists grow sore with how you tugged at the restraints.
But that wasn’t enough for him as he let his hand slot between your two bodies “only I what?” He taunted you letting his fingers ghost over your clit “fuck me like this.” You mewled feeling your legs begin to shake.
Hearing those words were like music to his ears “guess I should let you touch me then?” Trevor proposed making you nod desperately “god please yes.” You should have been embarrassed by how desperate you were for him to let you touch him.
A whine left your lips as you felt his hand leave your clit “relax you brat.” He scoffed rolling his eyes “I’m giving you what you want so behave.” Trevor’s snapped making you nod as you went silent watching his hand claw at his tie undoing the knots.
The moment your hands were free they pulled his face down to yours. It was a needy kiss that you finally took control of as you took him by surprise “still such a needy girl even with my cock for her to fuck.” The vulgar words made you clench around him “you think he could have gotten you feeling like this?” The hockey player groaned as his head dropped to your shoulder for his lips to nip at the soft skin.
Jack was the last thing on your mind as you shook your head as your hands moved to his back letting your nails claw at him “no.” You shook your head making Trevor use the little energy he head left to look back up at you “what was that I couldn’t hear you?” He taunted applying more pressure to your clit as his hips snapped into you.
Your mouth opened ready for the cries to leave your lips yet you were silent only letting the soft gasps push past your lips “you keep fucking me so well.” You blurted out not having tome to care about how dirty your words truly were.
It made him groan as he soaked your words up like a sponge “shit.” He felt his pace increase as the squelching sounds from your cunt echoed in his ears “I’m close.” You confessed letting your eyes screw shut as the room grew even hotter.
Your skin was slick with sweat and you were sure to have been a mess “stick your tongue out for me baby.” He ordered as you nodded feeling your breasts hit his skin.
Your tongue rolled out of your mouth awaiting further instructions “such a good listener.” The boy praised causing your cunt to clench around him again.
Trevor swore he was going to come when his spit left his mouth. It was a sticky string that connected your mouth to his “now swallow.” He brushed his thumb over your lower lip breaking the saliva trail as he placed his thumb in your mouth.
On instinct your tongue swirled around the digit listening to his orders as he smirked “good girl.” Trevor murmured as he felt you begin to ride your hips into his “go milk my cock baby.” The words made you cry as your thighs began to shake.
His attacks on your clit pushed you over the edge “god please don’t stop!” You pleaded feeling your chest heave “doll keep your eyes on me when you come.” As his hips snapped into yours you couldn’t but listen.
Your eyes stared into his as you moaned “right there!” You gritted out in delight making him nod as you finally came. White points coated your vision as your body thrashed around letting your cunt clamp down around his cock.
Just like that his head dropped back down to your shoulder “such a tight perfect cunt f’me.” Trevor cooed feeling his cock twitch coating his release into his condom as you squeezed his cock one final time.
The two of you lay there embracing each other’s hold as you both focused on your breathing and your fingers brushed through his hair “you wanted a bath princess?” Trevor offered rolling off of you as he feared he didn’t have the energy to simply pull out.
He had to snap his fingers in front of you in order to get you to respond “since when are you into aftercare?” You let out an amused laugh clearly not believing that it was something he was capable of “just for that I have to show you.” Trevor shot back scooping you into his arms before you could complain.
It made him smile as you wrapped your arms around him “I just want to be proved wrong.” You teased making him laugh as he opened the door to his bathroom bringing you both into there.
Whilst the sounds of laughter and running water came from the bathroom what neither of you noticed was that a message came through to your phone. One that would surely lead to more harm than good especially whilst you were finding a reason to sneak out with your clothes half on the next morning.
Jack: you up for coming to the Vegas game still?
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all4yoi · 24 hours
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only you
𝑒nhypen x fem!reader ⚹ cw. part 2 of just a game , hyung line , 2nd pov , ︎ fluff / comfort , lowercase intended , crying , cliche fluff omfg , karina mentioned on heeseung's & wonyoung on sunghoon's , not proofread ! highly recommended to read part one first !
after catching them holding hands with another female, you walk away from them and they run after you, assuring you it was all a misunderstanding.
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★ LEE HEESEUNG (0.5k words)
the day was coming to an end and heeseung has yet to find you.
after he had politely rejected karina, he ran after you but to no avail. all of his attempts on trying to reach you was a bootless errand. everytime he had seen a glimpse of you - whether in the cafeteria, library, the hallways, and god even in your shared class - you somehow always found a way to avoid him.
he could've simply gave up and moved on, he could've ran back to karina and date her instead. but he didn't want to give up and move on, he didn't want to run back to karina and date her, because what he wanted- needed, was you.
heeseung didn't want to go home yet, he needed to see you and explain everything. he'd be a fool to let you out his reach especially now that he knows you feel the same for him. he wasn't going to lose you because of a stupid mistake he made.
spotting a familiar figure sitting underneath a tree in the university's garden, he silently walked towards them, his fingers crossed hoping that he's finally found you.
and as if the universe was on his side, he saw you gorgeously flipping through a book with your pink earphones on. heeseung silently sat beside you, hoping you won't run away from him again. he saw how you stiffened and how your fingers stopped playing with the book's pages, and he wanted nothing but to hold your hand. it was your hand he wanted to hold- no one else's. you may not be with him yet, but ever since he realized he liked you, he was already yours before you even knew.
"y/n," he started softly, gently removing one earbud from your ear so you could hear him. you let him and look at him with hesitance, scared that he's here to tell you that he's changed his mind and he likes karina now instead.
heeseung smiled softly at you, "please let me talk and explain everything, okay?" you nodded, feeling your throat clogging up. "karina, you know she's one of my good friends, right? when you saw me holding her hand a while ago, she was the one who took my hand. i was so taken aback by her confession that i completely froze-..
because she's like a sister to me and you're the one i want. you're the one i need.. the one i like." he paused, brows furrowed in worry, hoping you'd understand. "i'm sorry for letting her hold my hand, and i'm sorry for hurting you. i really really like you y/n, please let me redeem myself to you." he finished, a small hesitant smile in his face as he studied yours.
feeling overwhelmed, you burst into tears. heeseung panicked, thinking he said something wrong and brought you to his chest, wrapping his arms around you.
"i thought you'd choose her over me." you cried in his chest, your own arms wrapping around his waist. heeseung didn't know why, but even when you were crying in his chest with your arms wrapped around his waist, he was feeling over the moon.
shaking his head, he pulled you closer if it was even possible and mumbled in your hair, "i'll choose you in a room full of other girls baby. only you."
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other members utc!
★  PARK JONGSEONG (0.5k words)
3 hours was enough space right? jay liked to think it was, he was too impatient and just wanted to run to you and explain everything, but he knew you probably didn't want to see him after what you've witnessed.
jay had tried to put himself in your shoe, imagining seeing you holding hands with another boy after confessing to you- by the thought of it alone already made him feel ten times more worse, he hated himself with how much pain he had caused you.
so instead of waiting until tomorrow, jay took his bag and walked out of the cafeteria, ignoring his friends that were calling for him. he already knew where to find you, after all, he's always had his eyes on you ever since the first semester started.
jay muttered a quiet 'good afternoon' to the librarian before making a beeline towards the back of the library and there you were in your element. laptop open, headphones on with multiple books on the table you've occupied.
he liked to think that his type were girls that were a bit dumb so that he could lead the relationship, but when it comes to you? smart, pretty, and soft spoken? if his heart could speak, he's certain that the only word it can mutter is your name, and he's not ashamed to admit that.
the moment you looked up and made eye contact with him almost made his knees give up if it weren't for him holding on to a shelf to stabilize himself, and when you softly smiled at him despite what you saw that morning, it made him yearn for you more. he wouldn't ask for no one else.
call him cliché but you were the only one for him.
"what are you doing there? come sit." you motioned on the empty seat across from you to which he occupied immediately. "have you eaten?"
"have you?" he questioned back, eyeing the papers and books splattered on the table. "i had coffee." was your reply.
jay knew that you were still upset, it was showing in your body language. you were tense, stiff, and your fingers were shaking behind your laptop. he wanted to punch himself for making you feel this way.
"i'm sorry y/n, i really am." the hum you let out made him continue, his eyes studying your pretty face silently. "it's really not what it looked like-"
"everyone says that jay." the way you bit your lip told him that you didn't mean to cut his sentence off and be so harsh.
"yes, i know, it's stupid but i'm telling the truth. she bumped into me and fell, i couldn't just leave her on the floor because everyone saw our collision so i offered her a hand. that was it, i was about to walk away but she introduced herself and insisted on shaking hands.. then you saw me.
i know it looked so wrong from your perspective without context, and i'm sorry for upsetting you. i really had no other intentions, i was telling you the truth when i told you that night that i like you too, so much." he reached out for your hand, sighing in relief when you didn't pull away.
you nodded your head in understanding, squeezing his hand to tell him you now understand. "i'm sorry for jumping into conclusions and not hearing you out the first time."
he shook his head, squeezing your hand back. "it's okay, i understand. we're good now?" chuckling at him, you nodded and smiled at him. "we are, thank you."
★ SIM JAEYUN (0.4k words)
the tears in your eyes as you walked away from him made his heart crack. should he run after you? will you find him annoying? do you want him to run after you or do you want nothing to do with him now?
after arguing with himself on his head, he ran after you and engulfed you in a hug before you could turn around the corner and disappear from his sight. "please let me explain." his own voice cracked, and the weird looks you both received from the other students did not faze him at all.
"jake, not here please. they're looking at us.." he hastily took your hand and led you into an empty classroom, wanting nothing more than to assure you that what you thought is wrong and all he wanted was only you.
after he had made sure the door was locked and no one else was hiding somewhere, he immediately took your hands in his rubbing the back of your palm with his thumb.
you didn't know what to feel, was this how he held that girl's hand too? did he hold hers with gentleness too? with that in thought, your tears were back.
"no no, please don't cry. it was all a misunderstanding i promise." he held your face and wiped away the tears, his eyes held worry but so much love as well.
"she mistook me as her boyfriend, it didn't even last for 10 seconds because the moment she held my hand we both pulled away from each other.. it was just wrong timing that you saw it and we made eye contact, please believe me." he was practically crying with you right now, his own tears cascading down the apple of his cheeks.
you frantically nodded your head - now you were the one panicking at the sight of his tears. "i do, thank you for explaining. please don't cry." his tears were wiped with your thumbs as you hugged him tight.
"i don't want you to ever think i'm lying to you, you're really all i need." he explained further through his sobs, his arms tightening around you more.
there you two were, hugging each other in an empty room, tears falling down from both of your eyes as you comforted each other. and at that moment, no one else mattered - it was just the both of you in the world.
★ PARK SUNGHOON (0.6k words)
to say that sunghoon felt like shit the whole day yesterday and this morning was an understatement. he had desperately contacted you in all your social media accounts - fucking christ he even contacted you through your school's email, but to no avail, he was always left ignored.
he didn't blame you though, if he was to experience and see what you did yesterday, he would act the same - maybe even worse. sunghoon wanted nothing more but to make it up to you, to explain that he was only doing wonyoung a favor to make her crush jealous. i guess you could blame him for agreeing, but did he really have a choice when she just randomly grabbed him and told him to smile at every passing student? maybe.
he had texted wonyoung that same afternoon, telling her- demanding her politely? to explain everything to you, she told him she did but was only left on read by you. the girl apologized profusely to you and sunghoon, she didn't have any idea about the two of you and if she did - she wouldn't have done what she did.
but what's done is done, and now sunghoon is still trying to desperately reach you. throughout the day, he would hear your name coming out of other people's mouth, but not once did he catch a single glimpse of you. sunghoon was running out of options, he didn't want to be that type of guy to show up infront of your door step in fear of crossing boundaries, but he was seriously considering doing it today.
sunghoon mentally chanted your name in his head as if that would help and summon you, and you know what? maybe it did work because now he was seeing you standing across from him, your back facing towards him as you looked at the bulletin board.
not wasting any time, he raced towards you and gently grabbed your forearm, successfully turning your attention from the bulletin board to the taller boy behind you. sunghoon wanted the ground to swallow him whole when he saw how your face dropped at the sight of him.
"let's talk, please?" he whispered that only you could hear, glancing around the corridor before looking back at you. the small hesitant nod was everything he needed before he lead you in an empty hall as everyone was in the cafeteria.
sunghoon took his chance and took you in, loving the way you've dressed yourself today and he wanted to just keep you in his arms all day, but he reminded himself that he needed to clear things up and make you his girlfriend obviously before he could even do that.
"wony already explained everything, i'm sorry for assuming the wrong thing.." sunghoon was taken aback by your sudden apology, and the tightness in his chest grew.
he took your face in his hand, gently bringing your chin up so he could look you in the eye. "i should be the one apologizing.. i'm sorry for making you feel that way, i didn't have any other intentions towards her and i only like you.. so much to the point that it hurts. i'll do anything to prove it to you."
he couldn't understand that someone so precious as you could grow such feelings for him, he couldn't process and believe that he's important to someone he finds important too. should he be punished by the gods above because he finds your teary eyes enchanting? he could see his reflection in your eyes and the love it carries, and somehow he finally understands. sunghoon feels warm as he brought you to his chest, tucking your head in the crook of his next.
"i'll show you, i'll give you my everything and my forever. you're it for me."
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reality-detective · 2 days
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Was the Baltimore Bridge attacked? 👇
The Baltimore bridge collapse was an “absolutely brilliant strategic attack” on US critical infrastructure - most likely cyber - & our intel agencies know it. In information warfare terms, they just divided the US along the Mason Dixon line exactly like the Civil War.
Second busiest strategic roadway in the nation for hazardous material now down for 4-5 years - which is how long they say it will take to recover. The bridge was built specifically to move hazardous material - fuel, diesel, propane gas, nitrogen, highly flammable materials, chemicals and oversized cargo that cannot fit in the tunnels - that supply chain now crippled.
Make no mistake: this was an extraordinary attack in terms of planning, timing & execution.
The two critical components on that bridge are the two load-bearing pylons on each end, closest to the shore. They are bigger, thicker and deeper than anything else. These are the anchor points and they knew that hitting either one one of them would be a fatal wound to the integrity of the bridge.
Half a mile of bridge went in the river - likely you will have to build a new one. Also caused so much damage to the structural integrity of the bottom concrete part that you cannot see & won’t know until they take the wreckage apart. Structural destruction is likely absolutely.
Attack perfectly targeted.
“They have figured out how to bring us down. As long as you stay away from the teeth of the US military, you can pick the US apart. We are an arrogant and ignorantly - lethal combination. Obama said they would fundamentally change America and they did. We are in a free-fall ride on a roller coaster right now - no brakes - just picking up speed.”
The footage shows the cargo ship never got in the approach lane in the channel. You have to be in the channel before you get into that turn. Location was precise/deliberate: They chose a bend in the river where you have to slow down and commit yourself - once you are committed in that area there is not enough room to maneuver.
Should have had a harbor pilot to pilot the boat. You are not supposed to traverse any obstacles without the harbor pilot.
They chose a full moon so they would have maximum tidal shift - rise and fall. Brisk flow in that river on a normal day & have had a lot of rain recently so water was already moving along at a good pace.
Hit it with enough kinetic energy to knock the load-bearing pylon out from under the highway - which fatally weakens the span and then 50 percent of the bridge fell into the water.
All these factors when you look at it  - this is how you teach people how to do this type of attack and there are so few people left in the system who know this. We have a Junior varsity team on the field.
Tremendous navigational obstruction. Huge logistical nightmare to clean this up. The number of dead is tragic but not the whole measure of the attack.
That kind of bridge is constantly under repair - always at night because there is so much traffic and they cannot obstruct that during the day. So concern is for repair guys who were on foot (out of their vehicles) working who may now be in the water - 48 degrees at most at this time of year.
When you choke off Baltimore you have cut the main north-south hazardous corridor (I-95) in half. Now everyone has to go around the city - or go somewhere else.
To move some of that cargo through the tunnel you may be able to get a permit but those are slow to get and require an escort system that is expensive and has to be done at night.
For every $100 dollars that goes into the city, $12 comes from shipping. Believe this will cripple the city of Baltimore at a time when they do not have the resources to recover.
- Lara Logan
The traffic issue was mentioned in this 👇 post
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Maybe we have to dig deeper into this Bridge collapse further. Could it be a deeper issue? What's in those shipping containers? Who owns the ship?
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Is it for this 👆
It has been 3 years and 3 days since the Evergreen blocked the Suez Canal. Does the number 33 mean anything?
Was this a "Black Swan Event?"
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I'm just asking questions? 🤔
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brooooswriting · 3 days
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Please I need a part two for oh I know!!!! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🩷
Oh I know pt. 2
Part 1
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It had been some weeks since your discussion with Leighton and she kept being supportive and encouraging about every decision you made. It got to the point where you felt bad about not being out, especially since you’d love to show her off. You felt the worst when it was her birthday coming up.
“So, my parents and my brother are coming down for my birthday and we are going out to eat. Do you want to join?” She questioned as she typed on her phone. You were chilling in the spare apartment your parents had near campus, and you often went there when your roommates were too much.
“Are the others also going to be there?” You didn’t wanna make it too obvious but you already knew that the blonde figured out why you asked.
“No, but that doesn’t have to mean anything” she tried to convince you.
“Cause you’re someone who brings here friends to her family?” She sighed, knowing that you were right and she dropped the topic after inviting you to go to the theta party after she’s done with her parents. You said you’d try to come and dropped the topic too.
At least you tried, but the whole night, you could only think about how sad she looked even though she tried to hide it. She's been the best girlfriend one could be, and the fact that you couldn't celebrate her birthday with her because you were scared actually made you mad at yourself.
Coming out to your parents/family still scares the living shit out of you but if Leighton's family accepted her, they'd surely accept you too. Plus, coming out to your friends and her family didn't mean that you had to come out to yours too. After a lot of contemplating you finally made up your plan.
“So, where are you guys going for your birthday tomorrow?” you asked as the blonde laid in your arms, a movie playing on the small TV you had in your apartment.
“Oh, the fancy place down the street. It's my dad's favorite lunch place and I'm fine with whatever” Her hesitation was obvious but you decided to ignore it as you were too scared to reveal anything of your plan.
“That's nice. What are you going to wear?” a happy squeal left her mouth and she picked up her phone to show you pictures of her outfit, explaining each detail while your hand rubbed over her waist.
Later that night you walked Leighton home. “Good night baby” You checked your surroundings before you pressed a couple of soft kisses to her lips, trying not to let her notice your nerves building up. “Good night” she pressed a last kiss to your check before disappearing.
At midnight, you texted her happy birthday, how much she meant to you, how much you appreciated her, and that you couldn't wait to see her. She obviously didn't answer until the following day. You shot her a quick answer before getting ready, needing much more time as your nerves went wild. You wore a nice suit with nothing really underneath, styling your hair neatly and doing some natural make-up. Leighton's present was wrapped up and sat on the kitchen counter, your keys and everything else you needed next to it. Nervously shaking you sat on the counter before the clock stroke 2:45 meaning that you had to leave now.
You parked your car at the edge of the campus and walked to the blonde's dorm. Leighton was known for being quite punctual so you didn't knock, instead just standing in front of the door, her present and some roses in hand. You didn't have to wait long as the door opened and revealed your beautiful girlfriend in the doorway, her back turned to you as she still talked to her roommates. “Alright, I'll see you guys later,” she said before turning around, nearly running into your arms. “Y/n? What are you doing here?” she questioned as she looked you up and down.
“I wanted to be your date to your birthday dinner,” you said and shot her a smile. “Happy birthday my love” you added, holding the flowers toward her.
She grabbed the flowers with a confused look before looking back at you. “But I thought you said no?” she played with the leaves of the flowers and leaned against the doorway, unsure of what to think.
“I did…but you're way too awesome to hide and I want to be able to go out with you and give you the life you deserve. I'm not scared of coming out if it means being able to be with you in public. I am in love with you and I want people to know” you explained with a sheepish smile.
Leighton smiled at you and hugged you, “I'm in love with you too.” She pulled back to kiss you passionately. Your hands immediately went to her waist as you reciprocated the kiss. The two of you only pulled back when you heard some awws coming from behind the blonde. Her roommates were standing in the common room of their dorm, staring at you with big smiles. Leighton grumbled and pulled the door shut before pulling you along as you had to get going. “Are you sure about this? I don't want you to regret this”
You chuckled and pulled her into you as you two walked to your car. “I am 100% sure about this. There is nobody I'd rather be out with than you.” The youngest Murray smiled up at you and left the topic alone. You opened the car door for her, acting as if you didn't see everybody on campus staring at you, then closed it before getting in yourself. Your hand placed itself on her thigh while she answered some of her happy birthday texts, a comfortable silence taking over the car. Your nerves got worse with each mile you drove but every time you looked at the girl next to you, you calmed down again. She was definitely worth it.
When you pulled up you already saw the Murrays standing in front of their Range Rover. You parked behind it and gave Leighton a nod before getting out and opening the door for her, holding your hand out to help her get out. “You gonna be fine” she whispered to you as you closed the door and walked up to her family after giving your keys to the valet parking.
“Hello, my name is y/n y/l/n. I am Leighton’s… girlfriend. It's a pleasure to meet you” you said to her parents, shaking each of their hands before settling back to your spot between the siblings. Some anxiety lifted off of you when they smiled at you.
“Well, it's great to meet you y/n. I'm Henry and this is my wife Mimi. Should we go in?” they were extremely nice to you and started to walk in when you two gave them a nod. You were walking behind the rest, your hands intertwined and a big smile on your faces.
The dinner went amazing, her parents were so nice and accepting that your heart ached at the thought of your family never being like this. But when Leighton giggled at some comment Nico made and her parents countered, you couldn't think about anything else but the beauty of this moment.
When dinner was done, and your discussion with Henry over who would pay was over, you walked outside to retrieve your cars. The sun was nearly setting by now and the family still had to drive some hours to get home. “It was really great meeting you y/n. And remember you're invited to the family meeting next month” Mimi said as she hugged you goodbye.
“It was really nice to have you here” Henry said and went to shake your hand, “but don't you dare hurt her” he whispered, still too loud as Leighton groaned behind you.
“I won't sir, I can promise you that” you answered and moved on to say goodbye to her brother when he nodded at you.
Not long after you sat in your car again, your hand placed in hers as you drove back to the campus. “They love you” she happily grinned at you as you drove. “Thank you, for doing this. I know how scared you were” she added.
“This was the greatest thing that I could have done. Thank you for your patience and support baby” you countered as you parked the car and pressed a kiss to her lips. “So, changing and then to the theta party?” she gave you a happy nod and jumped out of the car.
That night you danced together on the dance floor, made out right next to it and went home together with everybody knowing that you were each others. You were happier than every, even though you knee that it was only a small amount of time until your parents would figure it out. But that was a problem for another night.
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