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#no reblogs
irbcallmefynn · 1 month
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so to everyone who may have been excited to see me play rainworld. yeah no, thats not gonna happen. Played it for not even an hour and im getting mad thinking about the game.
The accessibility issues are a fucking nightmare. dont put that shit in the menu called "Remix" cause i assumed thats for people who want to shake things up. The accessibility mods that are there feel like they're all for content i didn't see or don't solve my issues.
i needed something to guide me to the nearest shelter. i need a decent (IN GAME) map. i need the screen to not go fucking insane when its about to rain.
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punchdrunkbisexual · 8 months
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Yes, this is how I work from home when it’s 101 degrees
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ohsilverplease · 25 days
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I got a new job! I start next month and I think I can finagle COBRA coverage so I can take a week and a half off between them (including our eclipse trip). ALSO I negotiated for the first time ever for a new role (I have asked for raises before though) and they countered and I would have said yes - yay!
I'm over the moon about it, and I'm not telling current job until next week -- it'll still be three weeks notice which is more than fair but I don't have to live in fear of being out of work for more than a couple weeks (which my PTO payout would technically cover, I am just counting on that money to help pay off the roof).
Anyway I just feel SO much lighter and happier knowing that I'll be getting out of this situation. I'm working on getting all my personal stuff off all the computers, then I'll slowly disassemble my office (mostly the snack drawer lol) and this time next month I'll be done.
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thatmooncake · 8 months
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*takes a deep breath*
People here are insanely nice and I love and appreciate you all but I feel ridiculously lonely and everywhere I look it seems like everyone around me is BFFs and talking about fun stuff and I don’t feel like I have really many people to talk to about fandom-related things on here where it doesn’t end up trailing off and mostly I feel like I’m just bothering people so it feels like every time I post a picture or an idea or analysis it’s like I’m getting up on stage and staring into a sea of faces like I’m some sort of stranger, and it feels stupid to be saying that in such a friendly space, and meanwhile everyone seems to be friends and are doing things together all the time, and while I really really want to be a part of that I frequently feel like I’m seen as some weird mix of unapproachable and forgettable even when I interact and regardless of who or what is behind that and how irrational it is, and regardless of who can relate (gosh I’m sending you guys the biggest hugs), the outcome is the same, I’m not a part of any group or really of anything much but I’m told I’m supposed to feel glad about arbitrary numbers and keep posting and grin and bear it when people seem to resent me and think it’s their god given right to send me hate mail and joyfully let me know they’ve reposted my stuff to sites I don’t go on and make rude comments and start unsolicited RPs in my DMs and talk shit about other people I barely know in my asks. And the thing is maybe all of that is my fault and maybe I deserve it but even if it is and even if I do the feeling is still there, and it’s not a good one, and it’s not what I joined this fandom for.
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rollingsim · 10 months
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just my yearly selfie drop :)
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lillyviarabbit · 5 months
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My gender is "I would rather be wrong as a woman than right as a man"
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but-hereweare · 8 months
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she cute
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this took all damn day pls gimme praise <3
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apatosaurus · 10 months
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I have a birthday coming up, and today was the best day to celebrate, given some other calendar items. My family made me feel really loved with everything they did to prepare for the party.
I asked for a brunch, thinking people would have lower expectations for fancy or perfect, and that they would be less likely to bring alcohol.
I didn’t do a great job of really thinking through the invitation list, mainly I looked through my text messages and calendar for the last year to figure out who I’ve actually been in touch with. There are a few more people I should have thought to invite. It was a short list, made shorter by various conflicts that people had. We ended up with a small group of people from different parts of my life who don’t know each other, but it worked out fine. We didn’t get good photos because we were busy being present and introducing people to each other. No pics, but it did happen.
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punchdrunkbisexual · 7 months
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I love my niece so much you guys 💜
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ohsilverplease · 2 months
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That work thing finally got resolved today, or came to a head depending on how you look at it. I met with my boss and the department administrator and we spent 45 minutes talking about how I could do it better next year, and how I should have asked for more help up front, and how the whole team is there to help me and “before Covid it was like this…” and, I mean, it’s after Covid? Offices are different now? Our office manager was a huge help to me and also she is sick every other week with some kind of ailment and not a reliable in person assistant.
Anyway I was sure I was going to have to go on a pip so all I got was a stern talking to and I guess that’s fine.
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buckandduke · 19 days
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lamb creep
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It’s called a creep because they have to push between closely spaced bars to get in. It’s designed to exclude their mothers so we can get them started on hay and a little grain to establish their rumen so they can digest grass when they go out onto pasture next month. Otherwise it’s the runs. Also there’s a milk bar for the lambs whose moms can’t nurse them. This year there were a lot. Saves from waking up in the middle of the night to give them a bottle. today it will double in size. there’s another batch of younger lambs born this week that will need the extra space. feeling a little spacy from the fever but I’ll push through. Seems like everyone is fighting some cold symptoms right now.
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rollingsim · 9 months
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hiiiiiiii 🤍
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hidefdoritos · 2 months
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February is always my worst month.
It's not the anniversary of Stuff happening, but it's the anniversary of me realizing that Stuff happened. And a subsequent time of serious injury, crisis of faith, and isolation. It's not actually re-happening again; but, O God, the body keeps the score.
February is always my worst month.
I always end up standing by a frozen lake in February. I throw rocks at the ice and I yell at God. I pour out my struggle to a God who forbears in judging evil (praise be, for if He smote down all wrongdoers, I would be consumed!) but whose forbearance allowed evil to touch me.
February is always my worst month.
I thrifted a beautiful fleece quarter-zip in my favorite color. I can't wear full-zip hoodies anymore because of him, but I was praying this would be fine. It's so pretty. I've been complimented. Today, my hands turned into his hands on the zipper, and I stood still and cried on the sidewalk.
February is always my worst month.
Two steps forward and one step back, I keep telling myself during my various recoveries. One X-acto knife that's never known skin, one bath where I don't think of drowning; one pint of ice cream devoured. One day I sit with my back to the door, one night I sleep without terrors; one friend I hit when they touch me. One car ride feeling safe with a man, one week that I'm glad to be sober; one flashback that floors me.
February is always my worst month.
Physics doesn't apply to trauma. Every action's reaction is opposite, but not equal. The short moments of trauma have broken me for years. The small moments of recovery have mended me for months. I still get so many more good things, but the bad things sometimes join forces to kick me while I'm down in February.
February is always my worst month.
How blessed I am, then, that it is also the shortest.
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youturningintodust · 3 months
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I will never not be baffled and disappointed that even in a chat group entirely centered around talking about Xena: Warrior Princess -- and one that billed itself as "the gay subtext one" that mocked "maintexter homophobia", even --
I still faced negativity for:
being transmasc/genderqueer and not hiding it
rejecting/gently mocking the idea of my having a hetero relationship with a cis man, basically mildly showing my homosexuality rather than being a full bisexual
as an extension of 2 -- being uncomfortable with male main characters (i.e. Joxer) continually sexually harassing female main characters. talking about it. (everyone else tolerated this and froze out my comments. in a fandom for a lesbian-couple-centered show?!)
Most members of the group were bi cis women, gender-conforming and while there was one who was nice and normal towards me, the rest just went silent and got weird whenever either of the above were just like... Not hidden. Not stifled.
I remember one or two talked about being in a hetero marriage with a cis straight man, and that that was their "only exception" and if they were single again tomorrow -- that they wished they were with women.
One of the Big Names there, in a "TMI" convo, admitted that she only felt comfortable talking to women when she was drunk, and barely even then. She also referenced "fucking (women) through men in a threesome", which to me those two put together shows strong fear of doing things that people like me (fully gay, butch, masculine to the point of trans) are known for doing: using a strapon to fuck your female partner yourself. Of course someone who secretly desires to do this would have that kink, if they were frightened to even talk to women.
Essentially, half the discomfort was deep jealousy. Because they did not have the bravery to live the life I was living. The repression there was SO REAL.
It also taught me how much fandom is an expression for painfully awkward, self-closeting women. (i.e. not forced to be, by abuse or shariah law or something.) One would say things randomly like "omg they're so gay" and I thought it was just fangirling. Later, she said that that was code for "I felt horny when I wrote that". This explains soooooo much about how online fandom works to me that I just didn't pick up on before. I was always feeling more of a nonsexual, sentimental, romantic emotion or just...general enthusiasm for the story's gay writing or whatever. Not something sexual.
Just. So many layers to that scene. Makes me glad I'm not a part of it.
But sad that it didn't work out in the end.
Right before I ended up leaving, a member joined whom I remembered from an older chat group. She would predate on the teens in the group, asking highly personal questions, preying whenever someone said something about their IRL that sounded sad (zeroing in on them at that moment and asking a lot about it). Like. Abuser behavior. She was in her 40s-50s, original era X:WP fandom. I almost publicly called her out, but my rep was already in the trash for just...being transmasc. So again I felt that I couldn't.
Just a shame. A literally lesbian-populated fandom that couldn't survive without it, for a show with multiple trans actresses in it and one actual trans episode, which embraces cis women characters' masculine side and puts it on proud display... which embraces their homosexuality (for Gabrielle) and bisexuality with a strong gay lean (for Xena).... Shouldn't be the place where this kind of shit is allowed to fly.
There was just so much petty, high-school-girl behavior and energy, too. Not possible to have direct conversations, seen as rude if you tried, meanwhile they were all headfucky and game-playing.
No place for a stereotypically blunt butch that likes healthy, direct discussions about life, fictional themes, and keepin' it real. Too below-the-surface, catty, etc.
Just. Ugh.
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usermoreid · 7 months
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anyways hair dye update finally
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can u believe my family went on holiday and took all the hairbrushes with them. i literally cannot find a single one. also my hair is still wet in the second one leave me alone.
i wanted to bleach it before dying it again bc i hate my roots but i ended up just dying it anyway and honestly?? kinda like it. think it's kinda cool. it's so fucking bright too like it literally looks like that irl isn't that insane
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