#no wonder we’re all so alienated yet constantly plugged in

[darthvaporwave]

old man yells at cloud but i do actually hate texting as a means of connecting to people because it’s not good for long involved conversations; the whole setup is just for bytes of information you’re both just half paying attention to

[someonetotaketheedgeoff-blog]

15.09.2018 - Journal

(Some of this was written when I travelled with my family in America in the last 2 months)

4.07.2018

I picked a good time to quit comedy… just moments before Nanette. Maybe I’ll actually do something good if I make music instead of making jokes about fucking myself with an ex-girlfriend’s dildo.

I wont stay up late waiting to go on. Or be brutalised by Open Mic magazine on Facebook. Anything not to upset my fragile sense of self-esteem. There’s not much that's funny to me anymore… oh well… who gives a fuck anyway…

… So Liam goes into his little room and quietly dreams up his last open mic set…. hahaha… comedy can get you pretty fucked up! ... who gives a fuck anyway…

9.07.2018

Whenever I’m in a big city all I hear is it whispering (or perhaps screaming) to me - ‘can I just have some fucking money?!’  

I wonder how much I’m a product of my own fear. And also how much of what I make is a response to that fear.

It’s mostly been about death for me for the last 3 - 5 years. All I’ve done is use death to explain everything. I’ve used it to draw a line under certain things within myself and the exterior world. Seems lazy to me now.

Is laziness the fear of pain? Is a lack of motivation due to fear? A fear of failing?

It seems fear’s only a good motivator when you’re aware of what you’re afraid of and why.

23.07.2018

Travelling in America/being in America’s like being in GTA but you’re not any of the main characters.

24.07.2018

Not doing anything or not trying IS FAILING!

25.07.2018

Saw a guy stop in the subway, put his bag on the ground and re-adjust himself to get out a camera so he could take a photo of some graffiti on the wall that said ‘I love porno’.

Being in an all black neighbourhood I feel as if the black people are annoyed at me or my presence.

I keep think about the word ‘nigger’ and I keep thinking about the word ‘cracker’.

The current most popular, agreed upon philosophy on slur usage is do not say any word that has negative history associated with it and do not say ‘nigger’ if you’re not black.

Recently ‘retarded’ has been considered more offensive than it used to be and if you happen to use it you’re now accused of being an immoral person and presumably you think people that suffer mental deficiencies are bags of shit and you want to set them all on fire.

I have no problem with discussing words and I’m not even so much of a Doug Stanhope/iDubbbzTV nerd that I think the best world is a world where you say everything all the time in every context.

What I have a massive problem with is the presumption of hate and the pompousness of people downright attacking people that slip out ‘x’ word when a word is still in the process of being fazed out. It’s bloody political correctness gone quickly without open discussion and kindness!

Words are simply the end point of a vortex of shit and ideas and slang and culture. They are the bookend to a concept and when people get really caught up with words it kinda scares me.

The problem with these kinda bullshit discussions (especially on the internet) is that when you argue or discuss this shit the assumed reason for your questioning is that I want to be able to say ‘nigga’ with my friends for some unknown reason. But I don’t and I don’t understand why anyone would want to other than the fact that they’ve been told they can’t or they’re at a Klan meeting.

What I’m confused about is if words hold so much apparent power and evil due to their history then isn’t simply being white the most offensive and on the nose thing you can do? Probably, kinda, yeah.

Yet black people don’t fucking loose their shit when you walk into a room being all white and whiting the whole place up by being white. They simply get on with their lives. I believe the same shit could be applied to words. At least in a reactionary sense… it doesn’t make sense to berate a stranger with venom for saying that the fact that none of the self serve screens in Macca’s were working was retarded. I don’t know if this metaphor works. I’m just slightly confused as too why I get all my information on how to best treat minorities forced onto me from young well off white people in beer gardens. I just sit there and listen for a bit and then I stare into the reflective glare coming off their nose ring.

1.08.2018

Saw a full American fat guy in a servo. He was so fat I had to focus on not double-taking at him by staring intently at the fridge at the Dr. Pepper selection.

He looked beyond human.

13.08.2018

For some reason I am smoking again. It’s a never ending battle. Oh well. Strangely I don’t mind.

I smoked a cigarette I crafted from all the butts I could find in my parent’s house. Something I’ve done probably over 100 times in my life.

I find that I clench my jaw all the time. I’ve only noticed it recently. Through meditating and not doing drugs. I’ve noticed it. I thought I had neck cancer but the strange feeling of ache comes from my constantly clenching my jaw.

I worry that maybe I’ve done drugs and drank for so long now and started at a young age that the tracks within my brain are a little fucked. Or maybe I just have too high hopes for a sober life to be a more peaceful, and mentally stable one. Maybe the only thing I’ll gain is a healthier body.

I’m just afraid of all the horrible shit that’s inside my head. I’m afraid of being unlovable because of my desires and my personality. I don’t want to face in fear of losing Tash and revealing to her that I’m evil.

This seems to be the crux of all relationships. All of them. In the whole world. You know that you need to face the truth to get to the next stage. But it seems it will be so lonely, so terrifying and so cold… we don’t want to see the monsters that might lurk within us.

The thing is it’s almost impossible to have an honest relationship and never have turbulence. You can have a dishonest relationship with turbulence but the turbulence will be about bullshit like - ‘you said you were going to clean the extractor fan in the kitchen weeks ago…’ or ‘stop leaving your guitar on the couch…’ and such things might blow into massive arguments.

Relationships are designed to be a nightmare. Not by anyone in particular but by our hope for them and isolation and alienation we all experience internally in this society.

A relationship is a small life within your life.

Dependant on the extremity of a relationship (and obviously that is a relative thing but for sake of argument we’ll say a relationship where you truly considered that you would commit yourself to this other person until you or they or both had died) it could possibly be an interesting simulation of life after death (at least in an abstracted way).

When a relationship of said extremity begins to fall apart (for whatever reason) it’s interesting to note that you feel as if you’re dying and that there’s in fact no perceivable life to lead after the break up or if their is one it will be hellish and a subhuman existence not worth living.

When you survived a relationship that you’d committed everything to how did you feel?

I assume it was horrendous. But assuming you’re still alive and reading this… you must’ve started to feel somewhat normal once again.

Like awaking from a vivid dream it fades away rapidly. You played a different character, you lead a different life. You feel a horribleness deep inside. Not about the person but about the situation. Is this how it has to be? That the people you commit so intensely to, that you fuck and spend countless hours with then have to perish abstractly and then repressed as they fade into the background sometimes never to be spoken about or spoken to again…

I have a girlfriend now. And it terrifies my to think that the pattern may repeat.

***

We believe the internet is everlasting. Whether we research it or not, whether we know it consciously or not.

As much as we might make comments about Facebook and say things like- ‘be careful uploading those photos of your arsehole… you know that stuff will be up there forever’ I believe we’re secretly subconsciously screeching with joy at the fact that these photo’s will be up forever. As much as people have a disdain about Facebook and social media we adore it’s implied permanence. We believe that Facebook will be around after we’re dead. I say ‘believe’ because do you know how the fucking internet works? Do you know how a website is created? I fucking don’t. I don’t know if the internet would still exist if all the power plugs in the world were pulled out of there sockets. I’m a fucking idiot! A fucking idiot that has faith in the permanence of the internet… I mean… obviously… I write a blog mostly about death and existential dread and it put on… the internet.

The internet is now our saviour. It is the modern sleek titanium, bomb proof, indestructible, deathless park bench where you can scratch ‘L.D. was here’ and have a more solidified faith that it’ll be around for a while. And the longer it hangs around the more eye balls will see it, eye balls connected to a concious brain that’ll have no choice but to think ‘hey that guy was there’… and even if it’s just for one second your existence has been stretched just a tiny bit longer.

(People that love us are what we all orbit around all of our lives. If they happen to reject you at some point or disappear we then break away from that orbit and hurtle through abstract nothingness).

17.08.2018

Going to the pub was a bad idea. I went there thinking - ‘well… I kinda want to have just one drink’. The legs were aching and my poor sense of personal entitlement to some kind of ‘treat’ was raging within me. A very problematic thing for anyone that isn’t fulfilled in the work that that do (i.e. most people). I felt as I for some reason I deserved a beer. Also it was freezing cold. My feet were soaking wet and frozen due to my old decrepit shoes. I continued walking up the street. I noticed I had all these thoughts swirling in my mind. They all flew past me whispering - ‘it’s OK to have a beer’.

I watched them all swirl around in my head. I crossed my metaphorical arms and tutted. As I tutted I looked at the swirling thoughts and said - ‘fuck off… are you serious? You know this’s absolute bullshit. We don’t ‘deserve’ a drink… we don’t even probably technically want one… why are we actually going to do this?’

‘Yeah but we’ll only have one! Not even a pint mind you and then we’ll write a new to-do list and then maybe we see someone maybe we don’t and then we head off home and get down to work for a couple of solid hours before we go to bed’ said one of the thoughts.

‘Well OK… when you put it like that… that sounds nearly OK… but don’t you think there’s a chance that we might throw all that shit out the window and because we actually weren’t planning or trying to get drunk…. you’re going to use reverse psychology on me and then we actually will get drunk and most likely indulge in more heavily than if I’d actually planned to indulge…’ I replied.

‘Look don’t read into it just get into that pub… get a beer… have a cigarette in the beer garden, get out you’re little notebook and it’ll be just a quick little pop in, no worries, blah blah, etc, tomato tomato’ ’

‘Well alright then you’ve swung me round, but surely just like a small drink, like a ten ounce… you know we’re trying to focus on money and we’re only starting to face the fact of how much money we piss away on alcohol and other similar shit…’

‘Yea, yea, yea don’t worry just a ten ounce… don’t you worry about that’.

I walked up to the bar.

‘Yes what can I get you?’

‘Ah… could get a ten ounce of Little Creatures?’

‘Ah it’s actually $5 a pint right now and $10 dollars for a jug?’ she grinned slightly.

‘Ah…’.

I turned to the floating thoughts. I gave them a warning look. They all looked back at me like a pack of hyenas.

I began drowning internally - ‘Ah fuck! Na, na, na, I knew some bullshit like this was going to happen… action stations… we gotta think of some other shit… what else do they have on tap… maybe a stubby? Fuck!’

‘Hey this is great news! What a bargain! Don’t worry about it we’ll just drink that one pint and leave… no worries’ cackled the hyenas.

I ended up drinking maybe 5 pints. A bunch of my friends turned up and I talked a bunch of shit for a long, long time. It was as if ‘the plan’ had been completely erased from my mind like the bar lady had men in blacked me with the shine of her bar blade and I was back in the drinking business and also the business of not following my dreams and the business of having no self control.

The arguments in the pub got very heated. I have a few friends that can get heated during argument, (I mean who doesn’t) but I have to say it stresses me out a bit but even more so it confuses me. Every time an argument gets to that stage I don’t really trust anything that’s happening anymore. Your/my emotions are taking over and also everyone’s pissed. I think it’s interesting to me to watch people’s attention spans disintegrate at the pub. The more everyone drinks the quicker a group conversation subject topic can change hands. It’s not hard to do, barely anyone notices it and you can do it in a matter of seconds. You could be having a super intense discussion about anything and if you just interrupt everyone enough and interject a barrage of some current novelty bullshit topic that’s circling you can derail shit very quickly.

21.08.2018

Last week at the pub a friend told me that he basically waits for inspiration. He felt he should never force himself to create anything. Recently I’ve been getting back into the Stephen Pressfield way of thinking that he explains in the book The War Of Art. A book that basically shows you how to be a professional whatever, artist, musician, sports player, whatever. It’s a book that gives tools to fight the part of you that doesn't want to sit down and do the work. In other words it fights the notion of ‘waiting for inspiration’.

Very, very few times in my life have I been struck with overwhelming flaming inspiration to do anything. It happened more when I was a child. When I’d wake up early on a weekend I’d have the inspiration akin to fucking Michelangelo to go and make Lego spaceship car things out of all the see- through green pieces of Lego.

But when you get to around 7, 8, 9, 10 and beyond I think (I’m not a psychologist) you begin to second guess all that shit. You begin to be your own worst critic. Because fascinatingly nearly every kid up until that age will be happy to do a bit of drawing or play various characters in a fictional story they create on the spot. And then it all stops and this horrible awareness kicks in.

I define it as the point where you used to play with toys as a kid in your room. Each character having a crazy back story and way of speaking. You’d play, alone and be completely immersed. Your mum or dad would pop there head into the room to ask if you wanted cornflakes or some shit and you’d be like a focused director waving off an intern - ‘yea yea, sure, just have it on my desk, I’m working right now’. But then something changes around that age and when one of your parents pops their head into the room you freeze and quite your voice. You suddenly feel cripplingly self aware, maybe even stupid. You tell them to go away maybe or wait for them to leave before you get back into to the action.

Then one day you go to the studio (aka your bedroom with a mat on the floor resembling a city that we all had) and the juice is gone, the mojo is gone, you pick up the toys and you try to croak out their particular voice and you just feel stupid, looking quickly back at your bedroom door, making sure no one heard.

All of this stuff reminds me of a Picasso quote [R.I.P. 25.10.1881 - 19.06.2018*] - ‘Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up’.

I’ve always found it interesting. I think encapsulates what I’m saying. Most people have some kind of creativity or at least blissful ignorance of expression at an age and then their brains get bigger or something and they become pimply teenagers that struggle to even walk down the street without worrying about everything detail about themselves and then they learn to just manage that shit as they enter adult life.

*I’ve chose Picasso’s death date to be the release date of Nanette. I can’t really be bothered explaining why that is right now so I guess if you really want to know you’ll have to watch Nanette.

30.08.2018

I’m often confused as to why everyone has an opinion and why you seemingly have to have an opinion.

’I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing’ - Socrates

In my college years I used to be a bit of an air headed stoner art wanker and I still am but the difference is now I have opinions on things. Back then I didn’t really have opinions. And I did it on purpose because I knew that I didn’t know anything. However it didn’t really help me socially and it didn’t help in my relationships and it didn’t really help with my self-esteem. Not initially but eventually I started to feel like I was just drifting away into an abstract world of nothingness. People don’t really take you seriously when you don’t have any solid opinions. It’s probably not a ‘masculine’ trait.

Reminds of a Dylan Moran bit:

‘Men; strong opinions with no information’

[storaidetlilla]

you forget to care for yourself when you pour all that you are into the souls around you. But i know if you take time to heal you will only come back stronger and greater 👊💛💛

You are such an inspiration, and when you come back stronger you will show everyone that no matter what the situation may be, there is always a way out into the light. Stay strong Ricky, love you brother!!

I think also, when you have such a strong empathic soul as yours, things like this are bound to happen. I would honestly be very surprised and worried if you managed to keep it inside and hide it from the world. It’s a crazy world we live in, we’re bound to go crazy and break down from it at some point. Focus on your own well being, it’s what’s most important. But you already know that, you wise wise man

My beautiful brother and friend, i am beginning to feel less and less connected with the world that surrounds me and more connected with myself. It’s a strange feeling. Both good and bad. Despite growing up with a feeling of constant loneliness i somehow feel more lonely than ever. I recognize this loneliness and feeling like an alien but somehow it feels different. I feel more and more hollow each passing day. Not one person around me seems to understand what i feel. I try to explain, but the only response i ever get is ”one day you will find someone who will make you feel content and happiness”. It’s not very comforting when you’re lived more than a quarter of your life without anyone understanding. I used to be very good at hiding my feelings but i can’t anymore. I try to tell myself not to care what people think of me but it’s hard. I have this deep rooted need to be understood and loved but i can not for the life of me find anyone to fit the part.

Where does all the time go? I am constantly looking in my past and trying to decipher my mistakes. I know i should not. But i can not stop. I try to understand what is wrong with me, what decisions i have made which have lead me here. But nothing adds up. People around me are starting to think i’m strange and asking questions about my well being. But i have no answer. I know that even if i explain it perfectly, they will not understand because they have not been in my shoes. It’s like trying to hammer a nail with a screwdriver. I am too different for it. But your inspirations and wisdom are helping, even in my darkest nightmares you shine with your light. I hope you realize that. I am trying to stay strong but my energy is fading. Everyone around me think i am beautiful and smart but i can not see it myself. I am insecure and weak. I look in the mirror and i see only emptiness in my own eyes. You have already taught me much about what is important,

and so i try to find comfort in it. But please, ricky. If you have any wisdom regarding how to find understanding and how to voice your feelings, please do share. I do not speak of understanding from other people, as nice as that would be, but rather of understanding of oneself. I feel as if i am reaching a point where i will suffer corruption in my heart and mind if i do not understand myself soon.

I’m sorry, i do not mean to put pressure on you in any way. But you are the only one i can speak to when it comes to these matters. The only one who i know will enrich me with wisdom in your answer and not give me the same old reply that i have been hearing for 9 years now.

I do not expect anything, yet i know i can achieve anything. As long as i understand myself. If i understand my thoughts i can change them, if i change my thoughts i can change my character, and if i change my character i can change my destiny. I trust you can feel what i mean. I hope so atleast.

If nothing else, it’s been nice to vent these feelings. So even if you do not have the strength or insight in my own life to provide tools for me to understand myself, you have already given me some degree of solace and peace of mind just by being you. So thank you Ricky, even if i would never hear from you again, i will be forever grateful to how you have enriched my life. I hope you’re doing ok brother. I hope you’re doing better than me. I hope one day we will look back at these times and smile, for they have shaped us in ways we can not understand until far from now. I hope this path of life will lead us to happiness. I suppose in order to feel strong, you have to know what it feels to be weak. You learn to lose before you can learn to win.

I just feel as if i have been losing for so long. When will my time come? It’s starting to feel like the answer is never.

Ok, i’m done now. Sorry about the wall of text 😂😆 like i said, thank you for being you. There is noone else i can tell these things in good confidence and without feeling regret. I have a hard time opening up to people, but when i write to you it’s different.

Take care Ricky.

-brother your words touched my heart.

I feel we should organize a call in the next couple days

Do you have time this week?

Sending you love brother, you are stronger than you imagine.

-It’s strange. I should be thankful. I actually am. So many people in this world are so worse off than me. Yet i can’t find happiness. Am i just greedy? Do i not recognize happiness? I don’t know. What kind of asshole would not recognize gratefulness when it hit him hard in the face? I’ve been so lucky all my life. I should be somewhere else. I should feel something else. I should know something else. I am missing something. But what is it???

I think i’m too self obsessed. I am too focused on myself to realize the struggle of others. It’s a hard realization. And it makes me hate myself for not appreciating it. Fuck.

I have been contemplating ending this journey for a long time. This journey of life. It’s just a ride we take, and death is just another branch of our journey, one that we all must take sooner or later. Why do the fools fly? It may sound morbid and sad, but what is our purpose? Live through a lifetime of misery just for a moment of happiness? Is it really worth it? Is the value of life so great? Even with all of lifes defying odds is it really as good as we say it is? I am starting to feel serious doubt.

It’s hard. Keep alive while hatibg what you have become. The devil is grinning inside of me, begging me to pull the plug. I often wonder why i am still here. Why no twist of fate has killed me yet. I think maybe i have a brain tumour or something, because it seems i am alone in my thoughts.

People get scared when i explain my thoughts. They have no answer and no comfort. Just fear.

Fear is strange. It keeps us alive. It keeps us focused. It keeps us on edge. It is what has lead us this far. We need fear in order to feel courage and calm. But it also can spiral into something we cannot fight.

I am sick of fighting what i cannot understand. I have been fighting for so long.

[blackbatpurplecat]

@doc-scarecrow replied to your post “Oh God. I can’t wait for the current season of Supergirl to be over so...”

Tell us how you really feel about the show.

That’s... actually kinda it. I’m annoyed by it. Or annoyed by what is has become.

It started out so promising, season 1 was fun. It had great characters that developed, it had action, charm, the cast had chemistry, Kara was the actual main character, a kickass woman who didn’t need her cousin’s help, her sister was a badass, her boss was a badass, Lucy Lane was a badass - we got many awesome women - and the love between two sisters was a main focus. Okay, we had to endure a will-they-won’t-they starring Kara and Jimmy but it was bearable. I don’t say it was good but it didn’t make me want to put my head through the monitor.

Season 2 is garbage. For example, they immediately introduced Superman and had him in 2 episodes because the female lead isn’t enough to pull in viewers, she’s only a woman after all. After one entire season of pining, Kara and Jimmy finally got together but she immediately left him again because INSERT REASON HERE. She dumps him out of the blue and I am convinced it’s because he’s black. The writers don’t want an interracial love story, nope, can’t do that. Let’s introduce a horrendous bland, white pretty boy who abuses the female lead, that’s what people want to see.

And so far we’ve had TWO storylines that weren’t even covered in the show! Oh no, you wanna know how they end? Watch The Flash, a mediocre DC TV show. No one watches it so they had to plug it. I hate that in comic books and I despise it even more in TV shows. Your show’s called Supergirl, I want to watch Supergirl and her adventures. I don’t give a fuck about The Flash or Arrow, those cliffhangers won’t make me watch those shows but they will make me hate yours.

The gay subplot with Alex is by far the best development in this season. It showed us a realistic coming-out for a both badass and vulnerable character and now she’s in a loving relationship with another badass woman without any major drama or death. (btw if they kill off Maggie or break them up, I will set their studio on fire) But(!!!) that relationship a) doesn’t have enough screentime (remember when they said the Valentine’s episode would be about the lesbians? and then they got like 3min of screentime?! WTF?!) and b) robs us of Kara-Alex scenes which were kinda the soul of season 1. Both women barely spend any time together anymore and I miss it.

Another relationship that has HIGH potential to become a gay subplot is that “friendship” between Lena Luthor and Kara. Holy shit, could it be any more obvious that Lena is interested in Kara? She sends her flowers, she adores her, she respects her, she praises her - and man, are those some serious heart eyes, motherfucker! 

How amazing would it be if not only Alex but also Kara realised that she’s into girls?! Two amazing female role models, one gay and the other bi! Think of the representation, think of the queer fans who would jump with joy! BUT NO, one same sex plot is already almost too much. We can’t have that.

Then we had that conflict between J’onn and M'gann which was extremely interesting! Their races have a brutal history, they went from foes to allies to almost-lovers. Watching them was precious. I mean that one flashback scene with the Green Martian holocaust, that was dark and deep! It also made us feel sympathy for both characters. They had a fascinating relationship but nope, J’onn doesn’t deserve a personal life and we don’t need another woman, let’s have her move back to space for no reason. (you also knew that they would fall in love because SURPRISE SURPRISE she was played by a black actress, as I said before NO interracial love stories here, we can’t have that!)

In general, the theme of family got lost. The sisters are barely together, J’onn only spits out expositions, Jimmy doesn’t even show up in several episodes and his STEEL alter ego constantly gets his ass handed to him, Winn’s just... there to fuck aliens, I dunno. Where are the strong bonds from the first season?!

And as I said, the biggest shitpile of a disgrace is the entire Mon-El plot, a disgustingly arrogant character that took the show away from Kara and is now the lead himself. He’s constantly acting like an apocalyptic fuck head without facing any consequences. Even worse, he gets rewarded for being a douche! Sometimes, they call him out on his shit but in the end, he’s the good guy we’re supposed to like. Oh haha, he’s so funny and charming and totally learns from his mistakes and is a better person now.

Even the Supergirl actress, Melissa Benoist, does not like the pairing but can’t say anything out loud because of her contract.

The Valentine’s Day episode was the worst thing I’ve seen on a TV show for a while, I felt like puking. They keep introducing guys who are in love with Kara but this time, two abusive douche canoes fought over her. Was that an attempt at making Mon-El look good? If that was the case, then it epically failed! It just proved how alike he and Mxyzptlk (who’s an attractive mid-twen man now... okay...?!) are! Both are overbearing, possessive fucks who don’t respect Kara, ignore any boundaries, don’t give a shit about her feelings, her wishes, her thoughts, and see her as an object to possess. Kara even pointed out over and over and over again what a self-centered cockwomble Mon-El is and that they do not match!!! YET SHE GOT INVOLVED WITH HIM BECAUSE HE’S AS STRONG AS HER SO THEY CAN FUCK WITHOUT ANY DANGER, the same piss poor reason people keep pairing up Superman and Wonder Woman!

And we shouldn’t forget that Kara gave up her dream job and her life as Kara for him because he told her she’d be better off that way! WHAT THE FLYING FUCK??? 

The message is clear: boys, you can be assholes but girls will love you for it and girls, it’s okay for a boy to lie to you and disrespect you as long as he is pretty and claims he loves you. Your boyfriend is abusive and always tells you what to do? You better forgive him and realise he’s right because he’s a good person behind all the crap.

Gimme a fucking break!

Oh and what’s even better!!! Kara FINALLY dumped his abusive ass in the last episode - BUT HE COMPLETELY IGNORES IT! He does NOT accept the fact that she dumped him for lying to her! Yet again, he does not respect what Kara says and does, and continues to live in his own little world. After breaking into her apartment to wait for her there in the dark, this is another trait that reminds me of the behavior of a stalker. He sickens me, he disgusts me, he makes me so fucking mad. If they don’t kill him off in a horrific, bloody, gruesome rated-R fashion in the season’s finale, I’ll quit the show.

If only Cat Grant was here... She would know how to treat a peckerface like Mon-El and straighten out Kara for falling for his shit!

I MISS SEASON ONE SUPERGIRL!!!

[ethelbertpaul444-blog]

5 WTF Ways Trump Has Been Immortalized As Artwork

It wasn’t his knowledge of programme, his allure, or anything remotely leadership-like that led to the notoriety of Donald Trump. If anything, it was the ease and willingness with which he shifted himself into a walk-to meme, terminated with a fandom hectic originating fanfiction, love speculations( i.e. insane scheme presumptions ), and, of course, tons of bad fan art. Now are some of the weirdest and wildest slice in the current Trumpian artwork action for “youve got to” absorb before they find their way into the National Portrait Gallery. 5 Deep Dream Trump Is Pure Nightmare Fuel While computers are getting better at all that is induces humans so special( like opening openings ), there is one domain where we’ll always using them to outstrip: logical thinking. After all, it’s hard to have a sense of whimsy when a misplaced semicolon can return you into scrap. In information, a very close we’ve come to causing computers a life of unadulterated resource is through “deep learning” — software that resembled how our neutrons shoot and is perhaps the future of artificial intelligence. And like better now humans, we threw computers the knack of originality, merely to squander it on monstrosities like this TAGEND Chris Rodley That’s why you don’t share a teleporter with Muppets. div > This is a penetrating learning interpretation of one of Donald Trump’s lineage photos. And if you’re wondering why Melania looks like Miss Piggy on her action to her third divorce, that’s on purpose. This art is submitted in accordance with artist Chris Rodley plugging photographs of Donald Trump into a deep learn algorithm which was also “looking for images from Sesame Street . ” The outcome is this hellscape of unused faces, googly hearts, and wandering entrusts — plus elements from Sesame Street . Chris Rodley Courtesy of Industrial Light and Horror. It could be a lot worse, though. You could be looking at a video of Trump transformed into an awakened eldritch fright contending against the confines of our universe TAGEND Though on the plus line-up, Trump’s hair has never glanced more in its element. Eric Cheng/ YouTube Oh, like you’ve never had a wookiee sexuality dream. This nightmare fuel was brought into countries around the world by Eric Cheng, who said he formed it by plugging a video of a Trump speech into a penetrating learning algorithm that was simultaneously thinking about Cthulhu. The tier of Cthulhu influence was governed by the volume at which Trump was speaking. We’re lucky that it was one of his quieter rantings. If it had been about minorities or women, that video might have accidentally opened a wormhole into the domain of the Elder Ones. 4 All Hail God-Emperor Trump ! div> To a lot of internet manbabies, Trump is the eventual badass. He’s an ass-kicker and a risk-taker, a street fighter and shot-caller, the person who sets the Big Mac into Mack Daddy. Of course, in order to maintain that panorama of Trump, you have to constantly reject all of actuality . Fortunately, the internet boys help find a direction to readily block out the pesky true by superseding it with hardcore sci-fi devotee story! div > Meet God-Emperor Trump, may his choked arteries reign for infinity. Based on the lore of the favourite tabletop gaming universe Warhammer 40,000 , which is set in a ludicrously dystopian future, the cruddy back of the internet is filled with portraits of Trump as the iconic Ruler of Mankind, immortal lord of the human rights empire wreaking his never-ending fight to the undesirables. Experiences like wit, right? It isn’t. via The Flama via The Flama His armor appears to be made from the Ark of the Covenant, which is suitable, because it starts us want to melt our faces off. div > Sure, it’s pretty weird to pick an terrifying deity of fighting as the avatar for a buster who consumed alleged bone spurs as an excuse to get out of military imperative, but that’s where the total disenchantment comes in. via r/ Warhammer4 0k Robokoboto/ Art Abyss Carrying the skulls of his own allies doesn’t seem ominous at all. div > Read Next Teach Kids The Alphabet With These Medieval Death Prints But the likenes isn’t flattering for either slope. Testifying again that they have the racial revelation of someone who’s been in a lethargy since the ‘6 0s, Trump fanboys seem to not realize that this Emperor of Mankind is nothing more than a freakish monster whose “shattered, crumbling body can no longer reinforce life, ” or that his guideline gave rise to “technological and cultural rights stagnation, and a regression into totalitarianism, belief and religion obfuscation and intolerance.” So God-Emperor Trump is based on some creep who rulers over a dystopia in which mindless, alien-hating radicals sacrifice thousands daily to keep the bloated body of their oppressor ruler get. Maybe they did do their research after all. And to employ the cherry on the foolish neo-Nazi cake, the God-Emperor isn’t, uhm … grey. He was born in center Anatolia( Turkey) in 8,000 BC. Meaning the web fascists have made their white dominance superstar into a space-age Middle Eastern king. Warhammer 40 k Oh yeah, this guy is totes going to preserve the white race, you dolts. 3 The New “Alt-Right” Cartoon Mascot Affection Dressing Up As Trump You already know about Pepe, the cute comic book frog who became a hate representation. But since Pepe has come extremely mainstream, hardcore “alt-right” dudes have created a perfect mascot for the new Trump age: a poorly attracted copyright infringement. via Will Sommer/ Medium “Racist Frog, Reclining Nude” This corpulent little shit-grinner is Groyper. No, that’s not a Trump-inspired new Pokemon( although we understand the confusion ). We’re speak about Groyper the Frog, the MS Paint cartoon mascot for hardcore politicos . He even comes in numerous charming outfits for supporters to represent dress-up with( dog whistle sold separately ). There’s Papa John Groyper TAGEND via Slate “These chests actually contain Thirsty Howie’s.” div > Hulk Hogan Groyper TAGEND via Will Sommer/ Medium Even a special edition “Are you piqued yet? ” Burka Groyper TAGEND via Slate Don’t try to make sense of it. That channel madness lies. div > But amongst the favorite flavors of Groyper stands Trump Groyper, somehow searching less slimy as a lumpy frog TAGEND via Will Sommer/ Medium And the imitation mane on the phony Trump-toad glances little stupid than the real fuzz on the real Trump-golem. So if you’re wondering why all the worst accounts on Twitter swopped up their avatars to this, that’s why. It’s unquestionably not because Matt Furie, the inventor of Pepe, has started litigating the lily-white laces off of any popular enough website for copyright violation. No, it’s because Pepe isn’t refrigerate enough anymore. Not like Groyper, who’s too cool for clas — art school, specifically. Donald Trump/ Twitter 2 The Anti-Obama Oil Painter Now Remembers Trump Is The New Messiah Jon McNaughton is possibly one of history’s greatest masters. Not because he started anything magnificent or profound or thought-provoking, attention, but because his use are some of the goddamn funniest a few examples of theological right-wing bathos. Jon McNaughton First and foremost, why would you plant a tree three hoofs in front a target where people will be sitting? This lovely depict, entitled You Are Not Forgotten , boasts Herr Conditioner and attests that you can’t draw Trump look warm and charisma even if you choose him yourself. But the real glamour of McNaughton’s art lies in the fact that he’s merely a really, genuinely hacky government cartoonist with a better graze stroke tournament. He often boasts about the number of “symbols” he manages to stuff into a single canvas. Now, the topic is unity. That’s why a not-that-keen eye can will recognise that Everyman Trump is tower over a working-class kinfolk( whom he’s fastened) as they embed a flower( which he’s fucking kill) in front of a gather of veterans and soldiers( whom he dishonors ), disabled population( whom he doesn’t care about ), black people( whom he doesn’t like ), various cabinet members( whom he’s shelled ), police officers( whom he’s slandered ), and laborers( whom he doesn’t wage ). div > But McNaughton didn’t determine his refer by trimming half a dozen inches off of Trump’s waist. He became a republican beloved by taking drops on President Obama for a solid eight years. Here’s his interpretation of Obama’s domestic policy TAGEND Jon McNaughton Did you acknowledge the 9/11 symbolism? The situation that happened seven years before Obama was president, when a Republican was in office? His foreign policy TAGEND Jon McNaughton To be fair, Los Alamos does have a really nice golf course. div > His stance on Obamacare TAGEND Jon McNaughton There goes the plan for National Treasure 3. And here again is that classic, boasting Obama trampling over the rights of the very same working man who Trump will later save while all the good Republican chairpeople are screaming at him TAGEND Jon McNaughton “But I wanted to flora a tree there … “ div > Man, Obama really seems like a dick in these likeness. We’re amazed that the nuclear detonation didn’t feign his golf move, or that he escaped unharmed after dipping the Physique in napalm and placing it alight in his hand, although that’s to be expected when you’re Literally Satan. His abilities are truly ceaseless, as is his cruelty … as demonstrated by that time he pressured a soldier to eat a slice of a lesbian uniting cake. Jon McNaughton “It’s not even ice cream cake. Thanks, Obama.” Save us, President Trump! Save us from that tricky black sn- oh, you already have. Jon McNaughton There is an extremely famous pennant advising against this very thing! 1 Barron Trump, Manga Star While Trump himself has a unusually divisive sort of popularity, the same can’t tell me about the Trump brats — Ivanka, Donnie Jr ., and the one who looks like a hardboiled egg with a cheek gather on it. His spawn are nigh-universally humiliated, persistently putting their hoofs in those cavities they can’t ever seem to fully close. But one Trump kid is exempt from this ridicule: Barron, the unassuming, sweet-looking 12 -year-old who actually has to live in the White House with his mom and dad. Doing entertaining of a kid is not the nicest stuff to do, so two feelings masters have gone the other direction, trying to delve into the mind of this quiet son and figuring out the uproar he was required to impression from having the most powerful awful father-god in the whole world — in spectacular manga shape, natch. Yuusuke Hori “At least it’s not a racist amphibian.��� div > This very melodramatic segment was announced by master Yuusuke Hori right after Trump’s inauguration. It testifies Barron in sparkly bishonen structure with a designation that reads “My loud, vexing dad is president, so the placid unassuming life I missed is totally over.” It was merely signified as a silly mockup blanket, but because it came insanely popular, we eventually got the for-realsies The Adventures Of Barron And His Loud-Mouthed President Father , i> and it’s everything we’ve ever wanted. Joy Ling Well, except for Trump not to be president, but still. To all the non-otaku out there, TAOBAHLMPF ( created by Brooklyn-based artist Joy Ling) envisions Barron, who really really was intended to “watch Netflix and play Pokemon, ” teaming with Sasha and Malia Obama to solve the puzzle bordering a “mysterious anomaly” that appeared after his father took office — which is not a polite method to refer to Kellyanne Conway. We don’t want to give away too many spoilers, but one of the central conflicts revolves around Barron trying to persuade his father to help situated events right. Oh, that’s liberty, Donald Jerwillickers Trump makes an appearance, or at least the DJT from the universe where he doesn’t is argued that exercising is a liberal scheme to sap his treasured bodily fluids. Joy Ling “Please don’t tell me which flui-“ “Semen.” Adam Wears is on Twitter and Facebook, and has a newsletter about chilling history that you should definitely subscribe to . i> Art is great for telling some of the tension out, in case that’s a occasion you need to do in this day and age, so maybe pick up some Bob Ross oil depicts ? b > i> Support Cracked’s journalism with a tour to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you . b > i> For more, check out 8 Hilariously Offensive Artworks Featuring Famous Presidents and 5 Unsettling Sub-Genres Of Fan Art Lurking On The Internet . b > i> Follow us on Facebook, and we’ll follow you everywhere . b > i> Read more: http :// www.cracked.com/ article_2 5547 _5-wtf-ways-trump-has-been-immortalized-as-artwork. html http://dailybuzznetwork.com/index.php/2018/05/31/5-wtf-ways-trump-has-been-immortalized-as-artwork/

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5 WTF Ways Trump Has Been Immortalized As Artwork

It wasn’t his knowledge of policy, his charm, or anything remotely leadership-like that led to the popularity of Donald Trump. If anything, it was the ease and willingness with which he turned himself into a walking meme, complete with a fandom busy creating fanfiction, fan theories (i.e. insane conspiracy theories), and, of course, tons of bad fan art. Here are some of the weirdest and wildest pieces in the current Trumpian art movement for you to absorb before they find their way into the National Portrait Gallery.

5

Deep Dream Trump Is Pure Nightmare Fuel

While computers are getting better at everything that makes humans so special (like opening doors), there is one area where we’ll always have them beat: abstract thought. After all, it’s hard to have a sense of whimsy when a misplaced semicolon can turn you into scrap. In fact, the closest we’ve gotten to giving computers a world of pure imagination is through “deep learning” — software that mimics how our neutrons fire and is perhaps the future of artificial intelligence. And like any good humans, we gave computers the gift of creativity, only to squander it on monstrosities like this:

Chris RodleyThat’s why you don’t share a teleporter with Muppets.

This is a deep learning interpretation of one of Donald Trump’s family photos. And if you’re wondering why Melania looks like Miss Piggy on her way to her third divorce, that’s on purpose. This art is the result of artist Chris Rodley plugging pictures of Donald Trump into a deep learning algorithm which was also “looking for images from Sesame Street.” The result is this hellscape of vacant expressions, googly eyes, and wandering hands — plus elements from Sesame Street.

Chris RodleyCourtesy of Industrial Light and Horror.

It could be a lot worse, though. You could be looking at a video of Trump transformed into an awakened eldritch horror struggling against the confines of our universe:

Though on the plus side, Trump’s hair has never looked more in its element.

Eric Cheng/YouTubeOh, like you’ve never had a wookiee sex dream.

This nightmare fuel was brought into our world by Eric Cheng, who said he created it by plugging a video of a Trump speech into a deep learning algorithm that was simultaneously thinking about Cthulhu. The level of Cthulhu influence was governed by the volume at which Trump was speaking. We’re lucky that it was one of his quieter rants. If it had been about minorities or women, that video might have accidentally opened a wormhole into the domain of the Elder Ones.

4

All Hail God-Emperor Trump!

To a lot of internet manbabies, Trump is the ultimate badass. He’s an ass-kicker and a risk-taker, a street fighter and shot-caller, the guy who puts the Big Mac into Mack Daddy. Of course, in order to maintain that view of Trump, you have to constantly ignore all of reality. Fortunately, the internet boys have found a way to easily block out the pesky truth by replacing it with hardcore sci-fi fan fiction!

Meet God-Emperor Trump, may his clogged arteries reign for eternity. Based on the lore of the popular tabletop gaming universe Warhammer 40,000, which is set in a ludicrously dystopian future, the cruddy side of the internet is filled with images of Trump as the iconic Emperor of Mankind, immortal ruler of the human empire bringing his never-ending war to the undesirables. Feels like satire, right? It isn’t.

via The Flama

via The FlamaHis armor appears to be made from the Ark of the Covenant, which is appropriate, since it makes us want to melt our faces off.

Sure, it’s pretty weird to pick an awesome god of war as the avatar for a dude who used alleged bone spurs as an excuse to get out of military duty, but that’s where the total disillusion comes in.

via r/Warhammer40k

Robokoboto/Art AbyssCarrying the skulls of his own supporters doesn’t seem ominous at all.

Read Next

Teach Kids The Alphabet With These Medieval Death Prints

But the comparison isn’t flattering for either side. Showing again that they have the cultural insight of someone who’s been in a coma since the ’60s, Trump fanboys seem to not realize that this Emperor of Mankind is nothing more than a freakish ghoul whose “shattered, decaying body can no longer support life,” or that his rule gave rise to “technological and cultural stagnation, and a regression into tyranny, superstition and religious obfuscation and intolerance.” So God-Emperor Trump is based on some creep who rules over a dystopia in which mindless, alien-hating fanatics sacrifice thousands daily to keep the bloated corpse of their despot ruler going. Maybe they did do their research after all.

And to put the cherry on the dumb neo-Nazi cake, the God-Emperor isn’t, uhm … white. He was born in central Anatolia (Turkey) in 8,000 BC. Meaning the web fascists have turned their white supremacy hero into a space-age Middle Eastern king.

Warhammer 40kOh yeah, this guy is totes going to preserve the white race, you dolts.

3

The New “Alt-Right” Cartoon Mascot Loves Dressing Up As Trump

You already know about Pepe, the lovable comic book frog who became a hate symbol. But since Pepe has gotten too mainstream, hardcore “alt-right” dudes have created a perfect mascot for the new Trump age: a poorly drawn copyright infringement.

via Will Sommer/Medium“Racist Frog, Reclining Nude”

This corpulent little shit-grinner is Groyper. No, that’s not a Trump-inspired new Pokemon (although we understand the confusion). We’re talking about Groyper the Frog, the MS Paint cartoon mascot for hardcore politicos. He even comes in many adorable outfits for fans to play dress-up with (dog whistle sold separately). There’s Papa John Groyper:

via Slate“These boxes actually contain Hungry Howie’s.”

Hulk Hogan Groyper:

via Will Sommer/Medium

Even a special edition “Are you offended yet?” Burka Groyper:

via SlateDon’t try to make sense of it. That way madness lies.

But among the favorite flavors of Groyper stands Trump Groyper, somehow looking less slimy as a lumpy frog:

via Will Sommer/MediumAnd the fake hair on the fake Trump-toad looks less ridiculous than the real hair on the real Trump-golem.

So if you’re wondering why all the worst accounts on Twitter switched up their avatars to this, that’s why. It’s definitely not because Matt Furie, the creator of Pepe, has started suing the white laces off of any popular enough site for copyright infringement. No, it’s because Pepe isn’t cool enough anymore. Not like Groyper, who’s too cool for school — art school, specifically.

Donald Trump/Twitter

2

The Anti-Obama Oil Painter Now Thinks Trump Is The New Messiah

Jon McNaughton is possibly one of history’s greatest artists. Not because he created anything breathtaking or profound or thought-provoking, mind, but because his works are some of the goddamn funniest examples of religious right-wing bathos.

Jon McNaughtonFirst and foremost, why would you plant a tree three feet in front a place where people will be sitting?

This lovely painting, titled You Are Not Forgotten, features Herr Conditioner and proves that you can’t make Trump look warm and charming even if you draw him yourself. But the real beauty of McNaughton’s art lies in the fact that he’s just a really, really hacky political cartoonist with a better brush stroke game. He often boasts about the number of “symbols” he manages to stuff into a single canvas. Here, the theme is unity. That’s why a not-that-keen eye can will spot that Everyman Trump is looming over a working-class family (whom he’s screwed) as they plant a flower (which he’s going to kill) in front of a crowd of veterans and soldiers (whom he dishonors), disabled people (whom he doesn’t care about), black people (whom he doesn’t like), various cabinet members (whom he’s fired), police officers (whom he’s insulted), and laborers (whom he doesn’t pay).

But McNaughton didn’t make his name by trimming half a dozen inches off of Trump’s waist. He became a conservative darling by taking dumps on President Obama for a solid eight years. Here’s his interpretation of Obama’s domestic policy:

Jon McNaughtonDid you notice the 9/11 symbolism? The thing that happened seven years before Obama was president, when a Republican was in office?

His foreign policy:

Jon McNaughtonTo be fair, Los Alamos does have a really nice golf course.

His stance on Obamacare:

Jon McNaughtonThere goes the plot for National Treasure 3.

And here again is that classic, featuring Obama trampling over the rights of the very same working man who Trump will later save while all the good Republican presidents are yelling at him:

Jon McNaughton“But I wanted to plant a tree there …”

Man, Obama really seems like a dick in these portraits. We’re surprised that the nuclear blast didn’t affect his golf swing, or that he escaped unharmed after dipping the Constitution in napalm and setting it alight in his hand, although that’s to be expected when you’re Literally Satan. His abilities are truly unending, as is his cruelty … as demonstrated by that time he forced a soldier to eat a slice of a gay wedding cake.

Jon McNaughton“It’s not even ice cream cake. Thanks, Obama.”

Save us, President Trump! Save us from that treacherous black sn- oh, you already have.

Jon McNaughtonThere is an extremely famous flag advising against this very thing!

1

Barron Trump, Manga Star

While Trump himself has a very divisive sort of popularity, the same can’t be said about the Trump children — Ivanka, Donnie Jr., and the one who looks like a hardboiled egg with a face drawn on it. His spawn are nigh-universally ridiculed, constantly putting their feet in those mouths they can’t ever seem to fully close. But one Trump kid is exempt from this ridicule: Barron, the unassuming, sweet-looking 12-year-old who actually has to live in the White House with his mom and dad. Making fun of a kid is not the nicest thing to do, so two sensitive artists have gone the other direction, trying to delve into the mind of this quiet boy and figuring out the turmoil he must feel from having the most powerful terrible father in the whole world — in fabulous manga form, natch.

Yuusuke Hori“At least it’s not a racist amphibian.”

This very melodramatic piece was posted by artist Yuusuke Hori right after Trump’s inauguration. It shows Barron in sparkly bishonen form with a title that reads “My loud, annoying dad is president, so the quiet unassuming life I wanted is completely over.” It was only meant as a silly mockup cover, but because it got insanely popular, we eventually got the for-realsies The Adventures Of Barron And His Loud-Mouthed President Father, and it’s everything we’ve ever wanted.

Joy LingWell, except for Trump not to be president, but still.

To all the non-otaku out there, TAOBAHLMPF (created by Brooklyn-based artist Joy Ling) sees Barron, who really just wants to “watch Netflix and play Pokemon,” teaming with Sasha and Malia Obama to solve the puzzle surrounding a “mysterious anomaly” that appeared after his father took office — which is not a polite way to refer to Kellyanne Conway. We don’t want to give away too many spoilers, but one of the central conflicts revolves around Barron trying to persuade his father to help put things right. Oh, that’s right, Donald Jerwillickers Trump makes an appearance, or at least the DJT from the universe where he doesn’t believe that exercise is a liberal plot to sap his precious bodily fluids.

Joy Ling“Please don’t tell me which flui-“ “Semen.”

Adam Wears is on Twitter and Facebook, and has a newsletter about depressing history that you should definitely subscribe to.

Art is great for letting some of the tension out, in case that’s a thing you need to do in this day and age, so maybe pick up some Bob Ross oil paints?

Support Cracked’s journalism with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out 8 Hilariously Offensive Artworks Featuring Famous Presidents and 5 Unsettling Sub-Genres Of Fan Art Lurking On The Internet.

Follow us on Facebook, and we’ll follow you everywhere.

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_25547_5-wtf-ways-trump-has-been-immortalized-as-artwork.html

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Mister Miracle #1

Mister Miracle is a masterpiece.

Which, is to be expected from Tom King and Mitch Gerads at this point in their shared and separate careers. What’s really impressive is how they keep raising the bar, and this first issue already has deeper characterization and a more intriguing plot than some entire runs.

We open on Scott Free having just slashed his wrists open, and waking up in a hospital after being found on the bathroom floor by his wife, Big Barda. Even before he’s released, we see that Scott isn’t just a superhero, he’s a celebrity, and everyone from the press to Superman start asking him why he did it. But through all the noise – including a painful visit from his brother, Orion – Scott notices things have been off since his suicide attempt. For one thing, Barda’s eyes are brown now, instead of blue. For another, Barda tells him that his friend Oberon – who he was just talking to – has been dead for a month, and that they pulled the plug on him. But worse is that Darkseid has finally found the anti-life equation.

Starting with a suicide is a stunt, to be sure, but one that King doesn’t make light of; and while we’re not sure what pushed Scott over the edge just yet, the book does an amazing job of establishing that things aren’t right in the world that he’s waken back up in. Besides all the plot details, there are formal elements of the story that clue the reader in. Things become cyclical, with panel layouts and dialogue repeating themselves. And there’s the art. Gerard uses filter effects on his art to give the impression that we’re seeing the story played out through a camera lens, with different parts of any spread in focus at any given time; or color effects like what you’d get from a bad VHS recording. One character’s eyes appear to be taped onto the page rather than drawn on. And then there are things that I just appreciate, like how Barda towers over Orion, or how cartoony Scott looks with his mask on compared to the more realistic style Gerard uses for every other character.

But if there’s one thing that convinces me completely that King is the right writer for this book, it’s the two panels he writes of Barda putting Orion in his place, throwing his angst back in his face and telling him that he knows nothing of the pain that her and Scott share. Its two panels that show a greater understanding of Kirby’s 4th World mythos than, again, most other entire series. The entire scene it’s in is wonderful, but those two panels are key.

If you missed out on The Vision, don’t make the same mistake twice, pick up Mister Miracle.

  The Flash #28

Following his last fight with Thawn and the encounter with the Negative Speed Force, Barry has some new and destructive powers that he’s yet to get the hang of. He’s also more irritable than usual.

Barry’s got a black suit! This one’s not an alien symbiote, but it the Negative Speed Force looks to be having the same effect on Barry; increasing his powers at the cost of his emotional stability. He’s even doing the whole “if they knew what I really sacrificed for this city” shtick in his inner-monologue. I’m having fun! Also, the black and red lighting that accompany Flash’s new powers the perfect amount of edgelord for the story. Man, I am so glad that we’re past the point of edgy superheroes being cool and can have stories that acknowledge how bad those are while still establishing that such a sudden change in character actually is narratively engaging just on a character standpoint. Because, and what keeps this story from being a parody, is that the negative powers do seem to be acting as a metaphor for depression, exhausting Barry, making him anti-social, and visibly destroying things around him. It’s being played for pathos instead of cool, and it works way better because of it.

  Secret Empire #8

First thing I want to say about this issue, I love the cover art.

Second thing, it’s basically an issue-long deus ex machina, but it’s also one of the better issues of this event so far. Though events that I’m guessing happened mostly in the tie-in books I didn’t read, Sam Wilson is Captain America again, leading the Underground in their last ditch effort to use their fragment of the cosmic cube to rewrite just enough of reality to give them a fighting chance. And their plan to bring down the shield and the darkforce just so happens to coincide with the other heroes’ own plans to bring the fight to Hydra.

Basically, if this were an anime or a Sonic the Hedgehog game, this is right about where the main theme would kick in. It’s an issue that reminds me that when Nick Spencer doesn’t trip over the half-tied shoelaces of his political analogies, he can actually write a pretty good superhero story.

  Amazing Spider-Man #31

Because of the serial nature of comics, you could easily measure a writer’s worth by how exciting they make the inevitable slide back into the status quo. And if that’s what you’re going by, then Dan Slott has to be one of the best. And that’s not in small part because of how broadly he deviates from it. In this issue, Slott demolishes years’ worth of contributions he’s made to Spider-Man to bring him back to basics; literally even stripping him down at one point; and he manages to do this in a way that also reinforces the themes and core values of the character.

I’m not sure if the rumor that he’ll be stepping away from the book at issue #800 has been confirmed or debunked, but if it is true, he leaves behind one of the greatest (and the longest) runs of the character.

  Ms. Marvel #21

Ms. Marvel helps the captured inhumans and mutants escape the neighborhood militia, but only barely. They escape to the mosque, but Discord and his goons aren’t far behind, and Kamala is too exhausted to continue fighting much longer.

The shoe doesn’t drop until the last act of the issue, but when it does, it’s a doozy. Wilson is an expert in making weaving political commentary into her stories in ways that compliment both the message and the metaphor being used to tell it. In this case, how easy it is for allies to betray a cause when an opposing ideology appeals to their own bitterness. If you’ve been on left-wing twitter recently, you know it’s something that PoC’s, women, and LGBTQIA+ folks are constantly guarded about; and this comic manages to highlight the issue in a way that’s sympathetic without letting any actual villains off the hook for endangering people.

  Unbeatable Squirrel Girl #23

Squirrel Girl continues to be the best comic Marvel is putting out, using its recap page to skewer Secret Empire and event comics in general, and also Spider-Man, while affirming how much better a story it’s telling in its own little corner of the Marvel universe.

And that story is about how Doreen, Nancy, and the other contest winning programmers from Wakanda, K’un-L’un, and Latveria need to debug the programming in the 70 million year old alien computers that keep the Savage Land hospitable to dinosaurs before they all die out – again. But more importantly, Doreen wants to set Nancy up with the cute Latverian boy she’s crushing on, but all he can think about is Doom!

This issue squeezes a ridiculous amount of mileage from Latveria jokes, and every single one of them lands. Aside from some dinosaur puns, Latveria jokes are basically all this book is doing, but they are all so good. Who’da thunk a comic book dealing with characters living under an egomaniacal dictator could be so funny? Ryan North, that’s who.

  The Wicked + The Divine #30

Dionysus waits in the underground for Morrigan to release Baphomet, enduring all of her abuse. But he can’t stay down there forever, as he’s a key part of Woden and the Norns’ plan to activate Ananke’s machine. Meanwhile, Baal and Ammy are still on the lookout for Sakhmet.

This issue, and probably this arc, will be pregnant with anticipation. In the backmatter, Gillen describes this arc as the two minutes before a set, and that feeling definitely comes across in this issue. The tension between Dio waiting underground and him needed to be present for Woden’s plan is palpable as the issue’s bumper-pages become a countdown clock.

There’s also a great couple pages where each panel shows a shot of some of the Pantheon’s Instagram accounts. Seeing the reflection of the phone in Woden’s helmet is one of those neat little details; while a Baal fanpage snapping a pic resembling the cover of The Dark Knight Returns might have taken me out of the book a little much.

  Kill or Be Killed #11

Having discovered the demon in his father’s artwork, Dylan managed to convince himself that it was all in his head, renounced killing, got back on his meds, and started to catch up on his school work. He even reconnects with Kira, who invites him on a date to a Halloween party. Life’s looking up for him, and then he gets sick, like he did the first time after not killing for a while, and he finds out that the Russians are still on his trail.

This really is the “Spider-Man No More!” part of the story, down to a panel with him dramatically exiting an alley. He gives up the mask and things almost immediately improve. The cops stop looking for the vigilante, he catches up on the normal life he left behind, and even manages to pick things up with a newly interested Kira. But that makes for a boring story, so soon enough he gets pulled back in.

But as the beginning of the issue is quick to remind us, that was inevitable. Dylan still has to become the shotgun wielding badass we saw in medias res. The real genius of this brief period of happiness is to once more give Dylan something to lose when it all inevitably goes wrong again.

  Redlands #1

Redlands, Florida 1977. The tree outside the local police station burns, nooses still hanging from its branches. The police inside barricade themselves in to defend against an enemy they thought they had hanged this morning, but is now clear they have no recourse against. A young girl approaches their door, and letting her in also lets in the evil they fought so hard to keep out.

The first issue of this series is the third act of a really good horror movie. The last fight against an unstoppable power. And the atmosphere is laid on thick from the first page. The burning tree, the nooses, the scared cops, there’s no need for exposition, we already know everything we need to understand that this night will be far shorter than the police barricaded inside want to believe.

This is also the book’s greatest weakness, too, however, as we have no sympathy for the cops. This issue essentially has no stakes. We want the cops to die, and their powerless to do anything but. Meanwhile, our protagonists, who don’t show up for most of the book, have nothing to lose, and because they haven’t been properly introduced, it’s hard to root for them yet.

But, just as a first issue to a new series, this is explosive; and the atmosphere goes a long way to telling you what this series will eventually be about, I think. Largely an issue-long cold open, I can’t wait to get the story started in the next one.

Comic Reviews for 8/9/17 Mister Miracle #1 Mister Miracle is a masterpiece. Which, is to be expected from Tom King and Mitch Gerads at this point in their shared and separate careers.

[beatitlikeabongodrum]

Taking Care Of The Avengers: 5) Ultron Part 2

You woke up, strapped to a bed in a white room. Your hair was messed up and you were wearing a medical patient gown.

' How did I get here? ' you thought.

Turning your head to the side, you saw a scepter. Loki's scepter.

'How did they get that?'

Better question that went through your head disbelievingly was:

Were you wearing nothing but a medical gown? Where the peanuts were your clothes?

You tried to move your hands, but a sharp pain on your arms made you stop. Your nose kept twitching as there was a strand of hair on your face.

"And hello, (Y/n). I hope you are feeling comfortable. No? Good." A man came in wearing a doctor's coat. He had a bald patch on his head and wore round glasses.

"Who are you? And why am I here? Let me go now or I won't hesitate to rip out your throat!" You threatened, your features darkening with rage. You struggled violently to get out of the bonds, but they were too strong.

"Feisty. And to answer your questions, I'm Baron Strucker. We decided to let you be a test subject. Actually we're done with you. What's the last thing you remember?" He asked casually.

"I got shot in the shoulder and fainted." You replied, eager for answers. You wanted to smash his face, but you needed answers, so you complied.

"Really? Huh. So, you don't remember the shocks and tests?" Baron asked curiously.

"What tests and-" Your eyes darted to your arms, where several needle marks were shown.

"You did tests on me? How? And what did you do? Am I going to change? Answer me, you ugly, bald Cyborg!" You yelled and struggled against the strong straps.

"Calm down. We don't know what changes you have. We managed to acquire this little scepter-" He fingered Loki's scepter,"-and use its power to make enhanced beings. Many didn't survive. But you did, along with two others."

Strucker paused but then continued, "I'm not bald, am I? Because I know I have hair on my head, but why the Cyborg?" He looked worried.

You ignored You digested all this information. They tested on you. You have alien stuff in you. That's not at all disturbing, note heavy sarcasm.

"How long have I been here?" You asked in a low voice. You were worried. The others don't even know where you are.

"A month." Was the only reply and he walked out.

"A month?"

You were thinking. You have to get out, but how? Anger towards HYDRA boiled up in you and you didn't realize that you sat up straight.

"What the-?" Your hands were free. The straps that held you down were shredded and scorched.

From your palms, a purple glow was being emitted.

This was your way out. You could hear people talking from outside. Quietly, you went to the door and opened it. No one was there in the vast hallways, yet you could hear people talking.

"Where is this sound coming from?" You asked to no one. The voices did not respond to you, so you figured that they were far away. But the mystery was- how could you hear from such a range? You could smell something as well. People. You could smell peoples' scents. It was overwhelming. Suddenly, you heard footsteps, but it felt far away, coming in your direction. Your eyes widened. Within a second, you sprinted in the other direction. From this side, you couldn't smell or hear anyone close by.

Yells reverberated from where your room was. Alarms were triggered and you moved faster and faster. Faster than you've ever been but not quite fast. You could hear loud muffled footsteps running in your direction. Willing yourself to go faster, you saw a door labelled 'Exit'.

How convenient.

Without a second thought, you ran towards the large metal door and pushed it hard. It slammed open and you jumped after hearing the footsteps slightly closer but you knew that they were still far off. You ran outside. Forest everywhere covered in snow yet you could see very far.

How? You didn't have a perfect sight. How could you see so far away?

You sensed small thumps on a tree on your left. Looking in that direction, you saw a squirrel scampering away.

How could you have sensed that?

A sudden thought came across your mind. The scepter. You had enhanced senses and a weird purple glow from your hands. What does that make you?

You had no idea but something interrupted your train of thought.

Quiet footsteps behind you. You snapped you head and pointed your palms towards the twenty armed men that were a little behind you. The purple glow erupted from your hand and all the men were blasted by that shot.

"Cool. Purple blast from palms and enhanced senses. Wonder if I can scare Clint with it." You talked to yourself. You thought of ways to prank your brother and Tony with it somehow.

Then you remembered. You were in a desolate forest with HYDRA who probably wants to kill you.

Run, you acorn-brain!

You ran and ran and ran. You didn't even stop for a second. All of your senses started acting up. You could smell the different scents of trees and hear the tiny rodents running. Your eyes were darting everywhere and you still managed to run between trees easily, as your eyes could see from so far away.

It was so amazing, but you couldn't help feel that something horrible was about to happen.

BACK TO THE AVENGERS

The Avengers were still broken up about your absence. Loki had become more distant and short - tempered. Tony and Bruce were working hard in the labs, like everyday, either searching or working on Ultron. Loki was reading a book, though he was constantly thinking about you. Clint was so broken. He barely ate or slept, and became rather thin, getting pissed off everyday because he wasn't there to protect you and that even after a month, they still didn't find you. Everyone was taking out their stress and anger in different ways, and if you had seen this, you would have cried at their behavior.

You didn't know that they cared about you that much to react this way.

That day, the elevator doors opened. Bucky, who was sitting on a chair nearby, looked up. His face morphed into shock and his mouth hung open when he saw you step through the doors, with ragged clothes, thin, pale and tired, with a weary smile.

"(Y/n)? I-Is it y-you?" Bucky stammered and slowly made his way to you.

You nodded happily and tried to run to him, but your legs gave way and you fell. Luckily, he quickly ran and caught you in his arms.

"I missed you so much, Bucky! I missed everyone so much!" You cried out while hugging the life out of him. He was literally gasping as you crushed him.

"We missed you too! So much!" Bucky spilled a few tears which dropped on your shirt and hugged you tighter. "GUYS, SHE'S BACK. SHE'S ALIVE!" You plugged your ears," Damn it, Bucky! No need to yell. I'm right here. Stupid enhanced senses makes it worse!" You exclaimed angrily.

"Enhanced senses? What are you talking about? What did HYDRA do to you, (Y/n)?" Bucky questioned with worry.

Before you had a chance to answer, footsteps were heard and everyone emerged through the stairwell door. Unfortunately, they couldn't make it to you yet because they all got stuck together between the door frame.

Clint was at the top of the open door, stuck there while the others tried pushing each other to get to you first.

Loki easily slipped between them, and ran to you.He put his arms around your waist and pulled you close to him, hugging you like his life depended upon it.

"Thank the gods you're safe, my (Y/n)! I don't know what I would do without you!" Loki whispered happily in your ear, his warm breath tickling you. You nose moved and sniffed him slightly, enjoying the mint and cologne. Shaking your head, you decided that it was probably your enhancement that made you sniff him. You blushed and pulled away.

Suddenly, someone tackled you to the ground.

"Sis! You're here. I love you so much." Clint yelled in your ears which made you wince.

"Damn it! Please stop yelling in my ears, people! I ain't deaf!" You screamed and everyone became silent.

They glanced at each other and then ran toward you. Bear-hugging you, they all screamed.

"Don't ever get kidnapped again!" "We were so worried!" "Where were you? We tried searching everywhere." "I'M GLAD YOUR OKAY, LADY (Y/N)!" "We've missed you so much, baby dragon. Loki most of all." Tony said the last part in your ear, Which made you turn red as a tomato.

Your ears nearly burst at hearing them. Soon, everyone relaxed and sat down. You told them everything. You were in a HYDRA facility; Was experimented on; Showed them your powers; how you stole a HYDRA helicopter and flew all the way to the Tower. You were so hell-bent on coming home that you didn't even change your medical gown outfit.

They were amazed. And angry at HYDRA. But mostly amazed.

All of them were staring at you intently. Hawk-eye had glossy eyes. He wanted to kill every single HYDRA agent for experimenting on his baby sister. You didn't deserve this.

"Guys? Are you okay? Please don't worry about me. It's actually cool." You said, trying to be normal. It wasn't working out for you. Everything you tried so hard to forget before retiring from SHIELD came back to you. It was so overwhelming.

"(Y/n), we thought you were dead." Steve said in a low voice.

"But now you're alive. And you are an enhanced." Bruce exclaimed.

"So you can hear and sense and also see from far? Okay, tell me what I'm going to say." Tony asked with a smirk. You nodded and he whispered into Bucky's ear. Bucky nodded and smiled evilly.

"Don't even think about doing it, Tony. Loki will kill you if you steal his chocolates." You warned with a glare.

"DON'T YOU DARE TAKE MY CHOCOLATES, YOU MEWLING PISTACHIO!" Loki burst out with a dangerous look. He soon calmed down though.

"Guys can I - you know, change?" You asked in embarrassment while rubbing the back of your neck awkwardly. You were still dressed in slightly dirty medical gown with just a HYDRA jacket on.

They all nodded furiously, faces turning red. You giggled and walked to your room. Your brother decided to walk with you. You and him entered your room and he sat on the bed.

"How bad was it, (Y/n)?" Clint asked worriedly.

"I don't know, Katniss. I somehow don't remember what happened." You mocked as you sat beside him.

He chuckled and glared playfully. "At least you're not acting up like last time. I think it's good that you can't remember actually. It might've been traumatizing and you would start blaming yourself again."

He sounded like a know-it-all but he was right. You knew he was right and you were glad that you didn't remember, even though you were curious. You still blame yourself about what happened on 'the mission' and your emotions would always come flooding back.

"I still blame myself, Clint. I never stopped." You admitted in a low voice and your brother shook his head.

"You had no choice before. It was done before you could've stopped it."

" If I had just been quicker, I could've saved her, you know."

He nodded, "But you shouldn't blame yourself. What's done is done and you can't change it. You need to stop thinking about it, (N/n). Please." Your brother pleaded, worried about you.

You sighed and nodded, "I'll try."

Clint got up and gave you a hug. Pulling away, he walked out, leaving you brooding on your bed.

TIME SKIP

Punch. "Why-" Punch. "-me?" Punch. Punch. Kick. Punch.

You were currently punching the sand out of a poor punching bag. All your suppressed anger over the years was flowing through your veins, and ended up in strong blows on the bag. Everything was flashing through your mind, making you punch and kick harder and harder, faster and faster, ignoring your already bruised hands.

Being experimented on. Punch. 'The mission'. Punch; Being captured. Punch; Tied up and tortured. Punch; Your mission partner being tortured. Punck, kick; They killed her. PUNCH. PUNCH. PUNCH.

The punching bag went flying into the air and landed a few meters away with a thump. You were breathing heavily. Pain flooded through you but the anger overwhelmed you, making you feel numb.

"(Y/n), calm down. Relax." Swiftly turning around, you saw Steve holding out his hands, and staring at you in shock.

"Leave me alone," You growled.

"Only when you calm down, (Y/n). Look," He gestured to your hands warily.

A blinding purple glow was emitting from your hands. It was growing brighter and brighter. You shook them, hoping it would cease, but the anger in you fueled it.

"(Y/n), what's happening?" Steve spoke in a slightly scared tone.

"I can't stop it, Steve," You said in trembles.

"You're changing," The Captain exclaimed with horror-filled eyes.

Sure enough, your skin was turning black and scaly. Your body was growing larger and a tail sprouted from your tail bone along with wings growing from your back.

"What's happening?" You asked, but it came out as a deep growl.

You had transformed into a... Dragon?

What. The. Keel.

You started jumping on your four legs, here and there, moving fast and growling softly, in fright.

"Hey, (Y/n)! Calm down. It's going to be alright." Steve waved his hands to get your attention but you ignored him.

You started running around and crashed into a wall. Slumping down, your large black-green eyes were full of denial and shock. You stood up on your hind paws and held your flat face in your front ones, whining in pain. You shook your head and went back on all four legs again.

"(Y/n)? I don't know what's happening, but it's probably what HYDRA did to you with the scepter." Steve spoke calmly. It was weird how he could be so under control after you just shifted into a mythical animal.

Well, duh, Captain Obvious! You never turned into a dragon before!

You looked at Rogers, eyes turning into slits. but before that, you gave him a poker face. He eyed you carefully, and held out one hand. Your eyes became dilated and you took cautious steps towards him. He slowly raised his hand saying," I'm not going to hurt you."

You trusted him and put your head on his hand. He immediately looked into your huge eyes and smiled, scratching your head. You purred and went closer to him.

"Hey Steve, I'm ready for tha-what the hell is that?" You heard Clint's voice and looked up, spotting your brother near the door.

He was scared. You gave him a smile and whined happily. You ran to him and started licking his face.

"Ah! Help me, Steve! How is a dragon here? Wait! How does a dragon even exist? If this is Loki's pranks, he won. I won't take his chocolate again." Clint screamed and fell to the floor, covering his face from you. If he was going to die, his face would not be touched.

"I knew you were the one who stole my Milk of Dairies!" Loki yelled from the door, with his hand pointed upwards to accentuate his point, but then saw you as the dragon and stood frozen, eyes wide.

"I-I- uh," He uttered, his silver tongue turned to hard lead.

"Guys, relax. (Y/n) won't hurt you." Steve spoke in an amused tone. Apparently, he wasn't scared. He found you adorable. You ran back to Steve.

"(Y-y/n)? What are you talking about, Steve? " Clint asked incredulously towards Steve, who was petting you and you purred happily.

"The experiment on (Y/n), she was meant to turn into a dragon. Weird, I know." You snarled at him calling you 'weird' but he hushed you, "Which explains her enhanced senses." Steve continued.

Loki was still frozen near the door, with his hand still pointed upwards, and his mouth hung open. He scanned your dragon form and you noticed. It made heat rise to your face, which luckily wasn't seen. The god found you alluring. And mystical.

"Really? She is truly magnificent." Loki remarked, snapping out of his trance and walked to you. You were uncertain but took a few steps to him. Clint was still shocked on the ground, covered in dragon spit.

Loki put his hand up and you leaned into it, enjoying his touch. He smiled and started scratching you head and moved his hands to behind your ears, and then under your head, never stopping his scratching. You went closer to him and felt his body on your skin.

He scratched a spot under the side of your head and you fell on the ground, purring contentedly, with one leg up and moving. Loki chuckled at your cuteness and bent down, rubbing his hand over your scaly head. You kept purring, loving the feeling of his cool fingers on your warm head. He loved it.

Clint was finally composed himself and spoke, " (Y/n) turned into an adorable and possible killer dragon. Then how does she change back?"

"Where is everyone? Point break, you should've been watching ol' Reindeer. I think they- here they are. And - oh my! What the-" Tony stared in shock.

"WHAT'S THE MATTER MAN OF IR-" Thor walked in as well along with the rest of the Avengers, who stood stock still, watching Loki pet you with a genuine smile, while you sat down and smiled cutely. Your tail wagged from left to right.

"Brother, do not move. You may not know it, but there is a huge black beast near you." Thor whispered loudly. But his whispering was like normal talking. You jumped up quickly and ran to a far corner when you saw Natasha, Thor, Tony and Bucky take up their weapons and point it at you.

You looked with fear and started trembling. You wouldn't fight back. You couldn't hurt them even if they hurt you. Suddenly, you felt yourself transform back into human. Same human body with (skin color) skin.

You sighed in relief. Looking at the armed people, they had shocked expressions and dropped their weapons. Literally dropped. The weapons fell to the ground and Bruce jumped in surprise.

"Hi," You said, feeling awkward.

Somehow, when you were in dragon form, you had no clothes on but back to your original body, you had the same training clothes from before. You walked on all fours, but then remembered that you could walk on two legs and stood up, face red.

Steve, Clint and Loki snickered.

Soon, the others needed an explanation, and you gave them one, being occasionally interrupted by Steve, who added details.

"(Y/n), you know that with these powers, you can become an Avenger." Tony suggested proudly.

You shook your head furiously. "No. I'm not going back into the field. I'm not." You said fiercely.

"(Y/n) is right. I'm not allowing her anyway, powers or not." Clint supported, knowing that you didn't want to see anymore action for sometime now.

"Why not? Anyway, we have to report to Fury." Steve said seriously.

"Hey! It's funny! We kind of nicknamed you 'dragon' and you happened to be one! Cool, right?" Bucky spoke excitedly, bouncing slightly in his seat.

Everyone except Tony who chuckled, glared at him and you deadpanned, "No."

He shrunk in his seat.

"(Y/n), if you don't join the Avengers, you would be put under 24 - hour surveillance and continuous tests." Bruce said sadly.

"Plus, you already have control of the blasts from you palms. So all you need to do is train the dragon," Natasha finally said.

You considered this. Reluctantly, you nodded your head, while everyone except your brother cheered and whooped.

"Hmm. I have this weird craving for fish," You stated and ran to the kitchen.

Everyone's eyes followed you, with weirded out expressions.

-----------------

You had practiced a lot, continuously turning yourself into a dragon and back, and you finally got hold of your changes. It was pretty easy actually. Once in dragon form, your scaly skin was fireproof and you could shoot plasma blasts from your mouth. And you had finally coordinated your senses and movements, which made you stealthier.

Currently, you were running through the snow - covered forest, while shooting plasma blasts from your hands at the HYDRA tanks and soldiers, alongside Clint, Loki and Natasha.

Captain America and the Winter Soldier were riding bikes while taking down agents and Tony and Thor were taking down people from the skies. The Hulk was doing something. Probably smashing.

"Shit! The base is protected by some shield. JARVIS, run a scan." Tony exclaimed, while steadying himself from the bounce on the walls.

"Language!" Steve interjected. You and Loki chuckled. You sensed a sniper trained on Loki behind, and you snapped in that direction, spotting him and shooting the guy.

"Thanks." Loki spoke and smirked, while using his magic to make many images of himself, and all of them started taking down soldiers.

"Anytime! Romanoff, on your left!" You spoke through the comms, and she turned to said direction, shooting a guy. Now, Natasha was actually quite far away from you, but you smelled and heard him. Hence, the warning.

Clint and you got separated from the others. You both were in a desolate part, but you knew that you weren't alone.

Hearing and sensing fast footsteps on the soft white ground, you skillfully dodged as a silver-blue streak passed you, and you heard a surprised sound from it.

"What is that?" Clint asked, confused as to what just happened. The streak came back and knocked your brother's arrow down, but you sensed its movements when it came at fast speed towards you again.

You were pretty fast yourself since you were part-dragon. Of course, not as fast as the streak, but you could sense and dodge faster than an average human. Every time the streak came, you managed to dodge and more cuss words came out from it, apparently frustrated that it couldn't hit you. The streak came and knocked Hawk-eye and it stopped, revealing a muscular man, with silver blond hair and ice blue eyes.

"You didn't see that coming?" The man walked slowly aside your brother's tensed body, smirking. He spoke in a thick accent.

You sniffed the air slightly, and caught his scent. A bit sweaty but like... Candy?

You narrowed your eyes at him. "We have an enhanced in the field. He smells like candy." You reported through the comms.

"Copy that. Everyone keep an eye out," Bucky instructed.

You decided to see what would happen. Stupid move not to help your own brother, but the cocky, candy-smelling dude would be ripped to shreds if he attempted anything dumb. By you.

"IT'S RUDE TO SNIFF PEOPLE, LADY (Y/N)!" Thor exclaimed, which made your head throb at his loudness.

You shook your head and responded, "I can't control it, you know."

"Candy, really?" Natasha spoke disbelievingly, for the first time.

"Which kind?" Loki demanded, as he was very fond of candy. You could hear everyone chuckling, and even Clint was snickering.

The man heard you and whipped to you."Ah! The clever one!" He stated with an annoyed expression and dashed away from you. You huffed.

"(Y/n), are you okay?" Loki's concerned voice came over the ear piece.

"I'm fine." You looked at your brother who stood up and shook himself.

Your ears caught the sound of something. Rapid footsteps. Same scent of candy. He was heading straight for you.

You smirked, pretended not to pay attention and looked away. Clint was aiming another explosive arrow at a tank and you could sense the steps coming closer. When the silver haired man was about to push you at full speed, you stepped aside and grabbed his arm, throwing him against a tree a few feet away. He was heavy, that's for sure. You popped your shoulder back into place with a slight grunt. The speedster groaned in pain. Clint looked at you and then at the disheveled man. You just shrugged and walked over to the man.

"You didn't see that coming?" You mocked with a smirk and Clint chuckled.

The enhanced growled at you and got up and ran towards you yet again but you dodged. He let out an exasperated sigh. He then distracted Clint, who got shot.

"Clint!" You yelled and the speedster ran off.

"Agent Barton is down." Natasha spoke worriedly, and ran to help Clint. She said something and then Hulk took down the tank nearby.

Good Hulky.

You ran off quickly towards the building with Loki, who looked really good in his new armor given by Thor.

"I got Strucker." Captain America said and you glared at no one in particular. You hated Strucker for experimenting on you. You ran away from Loki, who asked you where you were going.

"Tony needs help to penetrate the barriers," You replied and he nodded.

You neared an entrance to the facility, where you changed to dragon form and started shooting and breaking down the walls. The debris that fell on you didn't hurt you because of your scales.

Iron man came near you. "Thanks, dragon!" He petted you slightly, which made you growl in annoyance and he backed away. Tony went into a large crack and started exploring.

You went back slowly to the quinjet after transforming back to human.

TIME SKIP TO NIGHT~~

You prepared for the party wearing a pretty red dress ending an inch above your knees. It was with lace, three-fourths sleeves and curve fitting. You had straightened your long, curly hair. Long story short, you looked stunning.

Walking to the elevator, you passed Bucky who was wearing a black suit and somehow managed to fit his metal arm. The second he saw you, he burst out laughing.

"What?" You asked confused.

"You look beautiful. But aren't you missing something?" He replied and bent over laughing loud.

"I look fine." You huffed and crossed your arms.

"Oh yeah! It would be perfectly fine to go to Tony's party wearing flip flops." Bucky retorted while still chuckling.

You looked down.

Gah. You forgot the shoes again!? You ran back to your room and replaced your slippers with black heels.

Finally, you went to the party. Bucky didn't even bother to wait for you. What a gentleman! (Note sarcasm)

The elevator doors opened and you stepped inside, where music was playing and chatter was heard. It was a little overwhelming for you, but you managed to keep it at a minimum.

Bruce and Natasha were talking to each other at the bar. Your ears picked up their voices and your eyes widened. They weren't talking. They were flirting.

"...."

Next!

Sam and Steve were playing pool. Walking over to them, you waved.

"(Y/n)! Good to see you again! How's it training the slow, baby dragon?" He commented smirking. Was that supposed to be insulting? He should really learn how to taunt people.

"Hey, Sammy. Still losing to the Capsicle at everything? As usual?" You retorted with a sweet smile.

"Ouch!" He held his hand over his heart dramatically. You chuckled and moved on, and spotted your brother. He was talking to someone.

Hmm. Never saw the man before. Walking closer, your eyes turned as large as saucers at the man.

"Hey, sis! Loki and I were talking about the candy dude. Apparently he still wants to know which candy the guy smells like. Me too!" Clint crossed his arms and smirked, while Loki glared.

"Well, this delectable mortal candy is most-" Loki looked at you and stopped mid- sentence and gulped slightly at your beauty. You yourself was holding your breath. Loki looked breathtaking. Your breathing went slightly ragged and your heart raced.

Ah! Hormonal teenager is back!

He wore a well- fitted suit. And man was it perfect on him. You doubted that anyone else could pull off a suit like him. A dark green shirt and dark golden tie with slicked back hair was worn.

"(Y/n), Y-you look b-beautiful." The god stuttered and choked, which made you surprised.

"You're not so bad yourself." You replied with a smile, wondering how you managed to say that sentence without stammering.

LET'S SKIP TO THE END OF THE PARTY-----

"It's some trick or curse. I'm telling ya- Whosoever is worthy shall lift- it's a trick." Your brother said, while twirling a drum stick as he sat on the floor leaning against your feet.

You were sitting on the couch, with Natasha and Bruce beside you. Bucky was next to Clint, Tony, Steve and Loki were on the opposite couch.

"I ASSURE YOU IT'S NOT A TRICK." Thor boomed, making you wince.

You glared and made a slight glow appear from your hand, which Thor eyed carefully. Natasha and Bruce chuckled and you smirked.

He immediately shut up after apologizing. Clint kept on twirling the drum stick and then began tapping it on the floor. Everyone started to get annoyed by that and you narrowed your eyes. With one swift movement, you bent down and grabbed it, and let a plasma blast form in your hand, which burned the stick to a crisp.

Clint started whining while the others thanked you. You chuckled and flattened your hair with a single stroke. Ewes

"You can try lifting it, Brother Clint." Thor spoke after sometime.

Clint perked up and said, "Really?"

"Of course!"

Clint got up and Tony joked," We understand if you won't be able to lift it, Legolas. We know you've had a rough week."

Everyone erupted into laughs. Clint ignored you all and pulled on the hammer.

Nothing.

Everyone else tried, but only the Captain managed to shift it slightly, which made Thor's eyes widen and Loki chuckle.

"(Y/n), why don't you try?" Tony asked.

"Oh. No, thanks! I'm pretty sure I won't lift it." You replied.

"Why not?" Bruce asked curiously. All the Avengers looked interested in your answer. You knew you wouldn't lift it. In the 'mission' you let her get killed, and you blamed yourself ever since.

"Guys leave her alone. If she doesn't want to, then forget it." Clint said in concern as he understood from the look on your face.

You smiled at him gratefully.

"If anyone can lift it other than Thor, it's (Y/n)!" Tony said stupidly.

Your face became pained, especially when you unintentionally recalled the 'mission'.

"No. But I'd rather see Loki try." You covered up, hoping to change the subject.

It worked! Oh yeah!

"Yeah! Go on, Loki." The captain said encouragingly.

Loki shook his head with a sad smile. "Never going to happen."

Thor stomped to his brother and carried him by his collar. You all laughed while Loki struggled and yelled. He was dropped near the hammer. Huffing, Loki retorted," I shall never lift it."

"You can do it, Frosty! At least try." You said and he looked at you, blushing at the faith you put in him.

"I know I shall not be able, because I have tried before, but this is the last time." Loki finally agreed, making you smile brightly.

Tony and Steve exchanged smirks at the cute couple they shipped. Grasping the handle, Loki pulled. It moved. An inch. More than the Captain.

Loki's eyes widened in disbelief and everyone gasped. You were smiling. You knew he became better.

Thor was grinning like never before. "MY BROTHER! YOU ARE SOON TO BE WORTHY! I KNEW YOU ARE STILL GOOD!" Thor kept on complimenting his brother, who was still shocked.

"Did he actually do that?" Banner asked in awe.

"I-I-" Loki tried to speak but then a robotic voice interrupted.

"How are you all worthy? You're all killers."

Everyone looked at a robot, bits and pieces missing, hanging on strings. It was Ultron.

It started explaining about peace by destroying the Avengers. It sent out a legion of robots, which you and the others easily defeated. Tony crushed the body of Ultron.

Turning around, he looked shocked. Running a hand through your hair in frustration, You were the first to yell angrily at Tony.

"You big chicken shit!"

"Language!" Bucky quipped.

[ethelbertpaul444-blog]

5 WTF Ways Trump Has Been Immortalized As Artwork

It wasn’t his knowledge of programme, his allure, or anything remotely leadership-like that led to the notoriety of Donald Trump. If anything, it was the ease and willingness with which he shifted himself into a walk-to meme, terminated with a fandom hectic originating fanfiction, love speculations( i.e. insane scheme presumptions ), and, of course, tons of bad fan art. Now are some of the weirdest and wildest slice in the current Trumpian artwork action for “youve got to” absorb before they find their way into the National Portrait Gallery. 5 Deep Dream Trump Is Pure Nightmare Fuel While computers are getting better at all that is induces humans so special( like opening openings ), there is one domain where we’ll always using them to outstrip: logical thinking. After all, it’s hard to have a sense of whimsy when a misplaced semicolon can return you into scrap. In information, a very close we’ve come to causing computers a life of unadulterated resource is through “deep learning” — software that resembled how our neutrons shoot and is perhaps the future of artificial intelligence. And like better now humans, we threw computers the knack of originality, merely to squander it on monstrosities like this TAGEND Chris Rodley That’s why you don’t share a teleporter with Muppets. div > This is a penetrating learning interpretation of one of Donald Trump’s lineage photos. And if you’re wondering why Melania looks like Miss Piggy on her action to her third divorce, that’s on purpose. This art is submitted in accordance with artist Chris Rodley plugging photographs of Donald Trump into a deep learn algorithm which was also “looking for images from Sesame Street . ” The outcome is this hellscape of unused faces, googly hearts, and wandering entrusts — plus elements from Sesame Street . Chris Rodley Courtesy of Industrial Light and Horror. It could be a lot worse, though. You could be looking at a video of Trump transformed into an awakened eldritch fright contending against the confines of our universe TAGEND Though on the plus line-up, Trump’s hair has never glanced more in its element. Eric Cheng/ YouTube Oh, like you’ve never had a wookiee sexuality dream. This nightmare fuel was brought into countries around the world by Eric Cheng, who said he formed it by plugging a video of a Trump speech into a penetrating learning algorithm that was simultaneously thinking about Cthulhu. The tier of Cthulhu influence was governed by the volume at which Trump was speaking. We’re lucky that it was one of his quieter rantings. If it had been about minorities or women, that video might have accidentally opened a wormhole into the domain of the Elder Ones. 4 All Hail God-Emperor Trump ! div> To a lot of internet manbabies, Trump is the eventual badass. He’s an ass-kicker and a risk-taker, a street fighter and shot-caller, the person who sets the Big Mac into Mack Daddy. Of course, in order to maintain that panorama of Trump, you have to constantly reject all of actuality . Fortunately, the internet boys help find a direction to readily block out the pesky true by superseding it with hardcore sci-fi devotee story! div > Meet God-Emperor Trump, may his choked arteries reign for infinity. Based on the lore of the favourite tabletop gaming universe Warhammer 40,000 , which is set in a ludicrously dystopian future, the cruddy back of the internet is filled with portraits of Trump as the iconic Ruler of Mankind, immortal lord of the human rights empire wreaking his never-ending fight to the undesirables. Experiences like wit, right? It isn’t. via The Flama via The Flama His armor appears to be made from the Ark of the Covenant, which is suitable, because it starts us want to melt our faces off. div > Sure, it’s pretty weird to pick an terrifying deity of fighting as the avatar for a buster who consumed alleged bone spurs as an excuse to get out of military imperative, but that’s where the total disenchantment comes in. via r/ Warhammer4 0k Robokoboto/ Art Abyss Carrying the skulls of his own allies doesn’t seem ominous at all. div > Read Next Teach Kids The Alphabet With These Medieval Death Prints But the likenes isn’t flattering for either slope. Testifying again that they have the racial revelation of someone who’s been in a lethargy since the ‘6 0s, Trump fanboys seem to not realize that this Emperor of Mankind is nothing more than a freakish monster whose “shattered, crumbling body can no longer reinforce life, ” or that his guideline gave rise to “technological and cultural rights stagnation, and a regression into totalitarianism, belief and religion obfuscation and intolerance.” So God-Emperor Trump is based on some creep who rulers over a dystopia in which mindless, alien-hating radicals sacrifice thousands daily to keep the bloated body of their oppressor ruler get. Maybe they did do their research after all. And to employ the cherry on the foolish neo-Nazi cake, the God-Emperor isn’t, uhm … grey. He was born in center Anatolia( Turkey) in 8,000 BC. Meaning the web fascists have made their white dominance superstar into a space-age Middle Eastern king. Warhammer 40 k Oh yeah, this guy is totes going to preserve the white race, you dolts. 3 The New “Alt-Right” Cartoon Mascot Affection Dressing Up As Trump You already know about Pepe, the cute comic book frog who became a hate representation. But since Pepe has come extremely mainstream, hardcore “alt-right” dudes have created a perfect mascot for the new Trump age: a poorly attracted copyright infringement. via Will Sommer/ Medium “Racist Frog, Reclining Nude” This corpulent little shit-grinner is Groyper. No, that’s not a Trump-inspired new Pokemon( although we understand the confusion ). We’re speak about Groyper the Frog, the MS Paint cartoon mascot for hardcore politicos . He even comes in numerous charming outfits for supporters to represent dress-up with( dog whistle sold separately ). There’s Papa John Groyper TAGEND via Slate “These chests actually contain Thirsty Howie’s.” div > Hulk Hogan Groyper TAGEND via Will Sommer/ Medium Even a special edition “Are you piqued yet? ” Burka Groyper TAGEND via Slate Don’t try to make sense of it. That channel madness lies. div > But amongst the favorite flavors of Groyper stands Trump Groyper, somehow searching less slimy as a lumpy frog TAGEND via Will Sommer/ Medium And the imitation mane on the phony Trump-toad glances little stupid than the real fuzz on the real Trump-golem. So if you’re wondering why all the worst accounts on Twitter swopped up their avatars to this, that’s why. It’s unquestionably not because Matt Furie, the inventor of Pepe, has started litigating the lily-white laces off of any popular enough website for copyright violation. No, it’s because Pepe isn’t refrigerate enough anymore. Not like Groyper, who’s too cool for clas — art school, specifically. Donald Trump/ Twitter 2 The Anti-Obama Oil Painter Now Remembers Trump Is The New Messiah Jon McNaughton is possibly one of history’s greatest masters. Not because he started anything magnificent or profound or thought-provoking, attention, but because his use are some of the goddamn funniest a few examples of theological right-wing bathos. Jon McNaughton First and foremost, why would you plant a tree three hoofs in front a target where people will be sitting? This lovely depict, entitled You Are Not Forgotten , boasts Herr Conditioner and attests that you can’t draw Trump look warm and charisma even if you choose him yourself. But the real glamour of McNaughton’s art lies in the fact that he’s merely a really, genuinely hacky government cartoonist with a better graze stroke tournament. He often boasts about the number of “symbols” he manages to stuff into a single canvas. Now, the topic is unity. That’s why a not-that-keen eye can will recognise that Everyman Trump is tower over a working-class kinfolk( whom he’s fastened) as they embed a flower( which he’s fucking kill) in front of a gather of veterans and soldiers( whom he dishonors ), disabled population( whom he doesn’t care about ), black people( whom he doesn’t like ), various cabinet members( whom he’s shelled ), police officers( whom he’s slandered ), and laborers( whom he doesn’t wage ). div > But McNaughton didn’t determine his refer by trimming half a dozen inches off of Trump’s waist. He became a republican beloved by taking drops on President Obama for a solid eight years. Here’s his interpretation of Obama’s domestic policy TAGEND Jon McNaughton Did you acknowledge the 9/11 symbolism? The situation that happened seven years before Obama was president, when a Republican was in office? His foreign policy TAGEND Jon McNaughton To be fair, Los Alamos does have a really nice golf course. div > His stance on Obamacare TAGEND Jon McNaughton There goes the plan for National Treasure 3. And here again is that classic, boasting Obama trampling over the rights of the very same working man who Trump will later save while all the good Republican chairpeople are screaming at him TAGEND Jon McNaughton “But I wanted to flora a tree there … “ div > Man, Obama really seems like a dick in these likeness. We’re amazed that the nuclear detonation didn’t feign his golf move, or that he escaped unharmed after dipping the Physique in napalm and placing it alight in his hand, although that’s to be expected when you’re Literally Satan. His abilities are truly ceaseless, as is his cruelty … as demonstrated by that time he pressured a soldier to eat a slice of a lesbian uniting cake. Jon McNaughton “It’s not even ice cream cake. Thanks, Obama.” Save us, President Trump! Save us from that tricky black sn- oh, you already have. Jon McNaughton There is an extremely famous pennant advising against this very thing! 1 Barron Trump, Manga Star While Trump himself has a unusually divisive sort of popularity, the same can’t tell me about the Trump brats — Ivanka, Donnie Jr ., and the one who looks like a hardboiled egg with a cheek gather on it. His spawn are nigh-universally humiliated, persistently putting their hoofs in those cavities they can’t ever seem to fully close. But one Trump kid is exempt from this ridicule: Barron, the unassuming, sweet-looking 12 -year-old who actually has to live in the White House with his mom and dad. Doing entertaining of a kid is not the nicest stuff to do, so two feelings masters have gone the other direction, trying to delve into the mind of this quiet son and figuring out the uproar he was required to impression from having the most powerful awful father-god in the whole world — in spectacular manga shape, natch. Yuusuke Hori “At least it’s not a racist amphibian.” div > This very melodramatic segment was announced by master Yuusuke Hori right after Trump’s inauguration. It testifies Barron in sparkly bishonen structure with a designation that reads “My loud, vexing dad is president, so the placid unassuming life I missed is totally over.” It was merely signified as a silly mockup blanket, but because it came insanely popular, we eventually got the for-realsies The Adventures Of Barron And His Loud-Mouthed President Father , i> and it’s everything we’ve ever wanted. Joy Ling Well, except for Trump not to be president, but still. To all the non-otaku out there, TAOBAHLMPF ( created by Brooklyn-based artist Joy Ling) envisions Barron, who really really was intended to “watch Netflix and play Pokemon, ” teaming with Sasha and Malia Obama to solve the puzzle bordering a “mysterious anomaly” that appeared after his father took office — which is not a polite method to refer to Kellyanne Conway. We don’t want to give away too many spoilers, but one of the central conflicts revolves around Barron trying to persuade his father to help situated events right. Oh, that’s liberty, Donald Jerwillickers Trump makes an appearance, or at least the DJT from the universe where he doesn’t is argued that exercising is a liberal scheme to sap his treasured bodily fluids. Joy Ling “Please don’t tell me which flui-“ “Semen.” Adam Wears is on Twitter and Facebook, and has a newsletter about chilling history that you should definitely subscribe to . i> Art is great for telling some of the tension out, in case that’s a occasion you need to do in this day and age, so maybe pick up some Bob Ross oil depicts ? b > i> Support Cracked’s journalism with a tour to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you . b > i> For more, check out 8 Hilariously Offensive Artworks Featuring Famous Presidents and 5 Unsettling Sub-Genres Of Fan Art Lurking On The Internet . b > i> Follow us on Facebook, and we’ll follow you everywhere . b > i> Read more: http :// www.cracked.com/ article_2 5547 _5-wtf-ways-trump-has-been-immortalized-as-artwork. html http://dailybuzznetwork.com/index.php/2018/05/31/5-wtf-ways-trump-has-been-immortalized-as-artwork/

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5 WTF Ways Trump Has Been Immortalized As Artwork

It wasn’t his knowledge of policy, his charm, or anything remotely leadership-like that led to the popularity of Donald Trump. If anything, it was the ease and willingness with which he turned himself into a walking meme, complete with a fandom busy creating fanfiction, fan theories (i.e. insane conspiracy theories), and, of course, tons of bad fan art. Here are some of the weirdest and wildest pieces in the current Trumpian art movement for you to absorb before they find their way into the National Portrait Gallery.

5

Deep Dream Trump Is Pure Nightmare Fuel

While computers are getting better at everything that makes humans so special (like opening doors), there is one area where we’ll always have them beat: abstract thought. After all, it’s hard to have a sense of whimsy when a misplaced semicolon can turn you into scrap. In fact, the closest we’ve gotten to giving computers a world of pure imagination is through “deep learning” — software that mimics how our neutrons fire and is perhaps the future of artificial intelligence. And like any good humans, we gave computers the gift of creativity, only to squander it on monstrosities like this:

Chris RodleyThat’s why you don’t share a teleporter with Muppets.

This is a deep learning interpretation of one of Donald Trump’s family photos. And if you’re wondering why Melania looks like Miss Piggy on her way to her third divorce, that’s on purpose. This art is the result of artist Chris Rodley plugging pictures of Donald Trump into a deep learning algorithm which was also “looking for images from Sesame Street.” The result is this hellscape of vacant expressions, googly eyes, and wandering hands — plus elements from Sesame Street.

Chris RodleyCourtesy of Industrial Light and Horror.

It could be a lot worse, though. You could be looking at a video of Trump transformed into an awakened eldritch horror struggling against the confines of our universe:

Though on the plus side, Trump’s hair has never looked more in its element.

Eric Cheng/YouTubeOh, like you’ve never had a wookiee sex dream.

This nightmare fuel was brought into our world by Eric Cheng, who said he created it by plugging a video of a Trump speech into a deep learning algorithm that was simultaneously thinking about Cthulhu. The level of Cthulhu influence was governed by the volume at which Trump was speaking. We’re lucky that it was one of his quieter rants. If it had been about minorities or women, that video might have accidentally opened a wormhole into the domain of the Elder Ones.

4

All Hail God-Emperor Trump!

To a lot of internet manbabies, Trump is the ultimate badass. He’s an ass-kicker and a risk-taker, a street fighter and shot-caller, the guy who puts the Big Mac into Mack Daddy. Of course, in order to maintain that view of Trump, you have to constantly ignore all of reality. Fortunately, the internet boys have found a way to easily block out the pesky truth by replacing it with hardcore sci-fi fan fiction!

Meet God-Emperor Trump, may his clogged arteries reign for eternity. Based on the lore of the popular tabletop gaming universe Warhammer 40,000, which is set in a ludicrously dystopian future, the cruddy side of the internet is filled with images of Trump as the iconic Emperor of Mankind, immortal ruler of the human empire bringing his never-ending war to the undesirables. Feels like satire, right? It isn’t.

via The Flama

via The FlamaHis armor appears to be made from the Ark of the Covenant, which is appropriate, since it makes us want to melt our faces off.

Sure, it’s pretty weird to pick an awesome god of war as the avatar for a dude who used alleged bone spurs as an excuse to get out of military duty, but that’s where the total disillusion comes in.

via r/Warhammer40k

Robokoboto/Art AbyssCarrying the skulls of his own supporters doesn’t seem ominous at all.

Read Next

Teach Kids The Alphabet With These Medieval Death Prints

But the comparison isn’t flattering for either side. Showing again that they have the cultural insight of someone who’s been in a coma since the ’60s, Trump fanboys seem to not realize that this Emperor of Mankind is nothing more than a freakish ghoul whose “shattered, decaying body can no longer support life,” or that his rule gave rise to “technological and cultural stagnation, and a regression into tyranny, superstition and religious obfuscation and intolerance.” So God-Emperor Trump is based on some creep who rules over a dystopia in which mindless, alien-hating fanatics sacrifice thousands daily to keep the bloated corpse of their despot ruler going. Maybe they did do their research after all.

And to put the cherry on the dumb neo-Nazi cake, the God-Emperor isn’t, uhm … white. He was born in central Anatolia (Turkey) in 8,000 BC. Meaning the web fascists have turned their white supremacy hero into a space-age Middle Eastern king.

Warhammer 40kOh yeah, this guy is totes going to preserve the white race, you dolts.

3

The New “Alt-Right” Cartoon Mascot Loves Dressing Up As Trump

You already know about Pepe, the lovable comic book frog who became a hate symbol. But since Pepe has gotten too mainstream, hardcore “alt-right” dudes have created a perfect mascot for the new Trump age: a poorly drawn copyright infringement.

via Will Sommer/Medium“Racist Frog, Reclining Nude”

This corpulent little shit-grinner is Groyper. No, that’s not a Trump-inspired new Pokemon (although we understand the confusion). We’re talking about Groyper the Frog, the MS Paint cartoon mascot for hardcore politicos. He even comes in many adorable outfits for fans to play dress-up with (dog whistle sold separately). There’s Papa John Groyper:

via Slate“These boxes actually contain Hungry Howie’s.”

Hulk Hogan Groyper:

via Will Sommer/Medium

Even a special edition “Are you offended yet?” Burka Groyper:

via SlateDon’t try to make sense of it. That way madness lies.

But among the favorite flavors of Groyper stands Trump Groyper, somehow looking less slimy as a lumpy frog:

via Will Sommer/MediumAnd the fake hair on the fake Trump-toad looks less ridiculous than the real hair on the real Trump-golem.

So if you’re wondering why all the worst accounts on Twitter switched up their avatars to this, that’s why. It’s definitely not because Matt Furie, the creator of Pepe, has started suing the white laces off of any popular enough site for copyright infringement. No, it’s because Pepe isn’t cool enough anymore. Not like Groyper, who’s too cool for school — art school, specifically.

Donald Trump/Twitter

2

The Anti-Obama Oil Painter Now Thinks Trump Is The New Messiah

Jon McNaughton is possibly one of history’s greatest artists. Not because he created anything breathtaking or profound or thought-provoking, mind, but because his works are some of the goddamn funniest examples of religious right-wing bathos.

Jon McNaughtonFirst and foremost, why would you plant a tree three feet in front a place where people will be sitting?

This lovely painting, titled You Are Not Forgotten, features Herr Conditioner and proves that you can’t make Trump look warm and charming even if you draw him yourself. But the real beauty of McNaughton’s art lies in the fact that he’s just a really, really hacky political cartoonist with a better brush stroke game. He often boasts about the number of “symbols” he manages to stuff into a single canvas. Here, the theme is unity. That’s why a not-that-keen eye can will spot that Everyman Trump is looming over a working-class family (whom he’s screwed) as they plant a flower (which he’s going to kill) in front of a crowd of veterans and soldiers (whom he dishonors), disabled people (whom he doesn’t care about), black people (whom he doesn’t like), various cabinet members (whom he’s fired), police officers (whom he’s insulted), and laborers (whom he doesn’t pay).

But McNaughton didn’t make his name by trimming half a dozen inches off of Trump’s waist. He became a conservative darling by taking dumps on President Obama for a solid eight years. Here’s his interpretation of Obama’s domestic policy:

Jon McNaughtonDid you notice the 9/11 symbolism? The thing that happened seven years before Obama was president, when a Republican was in office?

His foreign policy:

Jon McNaughtonTo be fair, Los Alamos does have a really nice golf course.

His stance on Obamacare:

Jon McNaughtonThere goes the plot for National Treasure 3.

And here again is that classic, featuring Obama trampling over the rights of the very same working man who Trump will later save while all the good Republican presidents are yelling at him:

Jon McNaughton“But I wanted to plant a tree there …”

Man, Obama really seems like a dick in these portraits. We’re surprised that the nuclear blast didn’t affect his golf swing, or that he escaped unharmed after dipping the Constitution in napalm and setting it alight in his hand, although that’s to be expected when you’re Literally Satan. His abilities are truly unending, as is his cruelty … as demonstrated by that time he forced a soldier to eat a slice of a gay wedding cake.

Jon McNaughton“It’s not even ice cream cake. Thanks, Obama.”

Save us, President Trump! Save us from that treacherous black sn- oh, you already have.

Jon McNaughtonThere is an extremely famous flag advising against this very thing!

1

Barron Trump, Manga Star

While Trump himself has a very divisive sort of popularity, the same can’t be said about the Trump children — Ivanka, Donnie Jr., and the one who looks like a hardboiled egg with a face drawn on it. His spawn are nigh-universally ridiculed, constantly putting their feet in those mouths they can’t ever seem to fully close. But one Trump kid is exempt from this ridicule: Barron, the unassuming, sweet-looking 12-year-old who actually has to live in the White House with his mom and dad. Making fun of a kid is not the nicest thing to do, so two sensitive artists have gone the other direction, trying to delve into the mind of this quiet boy and figuring out the turmoil he must feel from having the most powerful terrible father in the whole world — in fabulous manga form, natch.

Yuusuke Hori“At least it’s not a racist amphibian.”

This very melodramatic piece was posted by artist Yuusuke Hori right after Trump’s inauguration. It shows Barron in sparkly bishonen form with a title that reads “My loud, annoying dad is president, so the quiet unassuming life I wanted is completely over.” It was only meant as a silly mockup cover, but because it got insanely popular, we eventually got the for-realsies The Adventures Of Barron And His Loud-Mouthed President Father, and it’s everything we’ve ever wanted.

Joy LingWell, except for Trump not to be president, but still.

To all the non-otaku out there, TAOBAHLMPF (created by Brooklyn-based artist Joy Ling) sees Barron, who really just wants to “watch Netflix and play Pokemon,” teaming with Sasha and Malia Obama to solve the puzzle surrounding a “mysterious anomaly” that appeared after his father took office — which is not a polite way to refer to Kellyanne Conway. We don’t want to give away too many spoilers, but one of the central conflicts revolves around Barron trying to persuade his father to help put things right. Oh, that’s right, Donald Jerwillickers Trump makes an appearance, or at least the DJT from the universe where he doesn’t believe that exercise is a liberal plot to sap his precious bodily fluids.

Joy Ling“Please don’t tell me which flui-“ “Semen.”

Adam Wears is on Twitter and Facebook, and has a newsletter about depressing history that you should definitely subscribe to.

Art is great for letting some of the tension out, in case that’s a thing you need to do in this day and age, so maybe pick up some Bob Ross oil paints?

Support Cracked’s journalism with a visit to our Contribution Page. Please and thank you.

For more, check out 8 Hilariously Offensive Artworks Featuring Famous Presidents and 5 Unsettling Sub-Genres Of Fan Art Lurking On The Internet.

Follow us on Facebook, and we’ll follow you everywhere.

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_25547_5-wtf-ways-trump-has-been-immortalized-as-artwork.html

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