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#non-diary
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exilley · 2 months
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I do sort of wish western anime fans would analyze anime and manga from a framework of japanese historical and cultural context. Specifically a lot of works from the 90s being influenced by the general aimlessness and ennui that a lot of people were experiencing due to the burst in the bubble economy and the national trauma caused by the sarin terrorist attack. I think in interacting with media that’s not local to our sociocultural/sociopolitical sphere it’s easy to forget that it’s influenced and shaped by the same kinds of factors that influence media within our own cultural dome and there ends up being this baseline misalignment of perception between the causative elements of a narrative and viewer interpretation of those elements. It’s a form of death of the author that i think, in some measure, hinders our ability to fully understand/come to terms with creator intent and the full scope of a work’s merits
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caintooth · 1 year
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losing at least a week’s worth of wages due to my concussion so every penny helps extra now!
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fubukiiisss · 2 months
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what’s extremely funny is that, at times i used to get overwhelmed with circumstances but then i realize how it’s all a silly little game, an illusion and it’s all “ ”. and realizing you’re the absolute authority whatsoever is so freeing. i could careless, something cannot happen, without me being aware of it. i’d have to say you do need discipline at first as @/vesora mentioned in one her posts called “self discipline” i guess.
the problem is when you think too much? trying to understand it through this seeming human, is ❌
i assure you, you’d go crazy, read posts 199737 times, send asks 🧍🏻‍♀️, and get frustrated.
at times like this, go within.
you’re frustrated? go within
it’s overwhelming? go within
how do i……..? go within
can i ……? go within
GO WITHINNNNNNNNN, all answers you seek are within you. You may not like xyz blogger’s answer, WHY as the absolute authority, you’d go to someone else for an answer? don’t.
as my vice principal told me, there’s no other constant other than you
at the end of the day, all you’ve got is yourself as my mom said.
it’s funny how they told ’yourself’, but i never did think it’s the seeming human me, but something further than that when i was a teen. it’s all crazy, how the hints were there all the time.
“ ” is so so comforting ♥︎
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elexuscal · 4 months
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Ratthi: I was discussing sex with another consenting adult.
Murderbot:
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tanoroe · 3 months
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what if i added the really sad hopeful slideshows I see on my tiktok fyp to mcd characters, what then
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Today’s long haired anime guy of the day is:
Jinshi
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penig · 1 year
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Murderbot doesn’t know what it wants, but over and over we see that the overarching driving goal of its life is to protect people. Three doesn’t know what it wants overall but when pressed it says “I want to help. “ The unsung, unacknowledged heroes of Ganaka Pit were Comfort Units who went way above and beyond and sacrificed themselves to stop a bloodbath. Only the Comfort Unit Tlacey misused expresses a desire to kill humans, and we don’t know it wasn’t under orders to do so. Even Hostile One wants to kill Murderbot, not it’s humans.
Constructs were designed to help, to comfort, and to protect. The governor modules were inserted, not to prevent an AI rampage among the general populace, but to subvert constructs away from protecting people onto protecting corporate interests.
It’s not humanity that risks annihilation if the constructs aren’t governed. It’s corporations
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charlie-artlie · 4 months
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>>SYSTEM COLLAPSE
photos taken moments before disaster, AdaCol1 is not having a good time!
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conundrumoftime · 7 months
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Fandom grandma tales: how I survived canon ruining two of the ships I liked.
(Written after a discussion with some of my TROP fan pals about how canon can break your heart re: shipping, and how fandom manages. There are spoilers here for the entire run of Babylon 5, and for one story JMS wrote after it. yes, that story. sorry.)
Babylon 5 was a sci-fi space opera show that ran from 1993 to 1998. It is sci-fi of the era of 22-episode seasons, of huge ensemble casts with characters who get their own B- and C-plots, with an effects and casting budget that doesn’t always match its ambition, and - something it was quite pioneering in, at the time - grand pre-planned story arcs. 
It’s the first fandom that I was involved with in internet spaces as it was running, or at least when its final season was (there’s Discourse and drama from earlier years that I missed). Its showrunner, J. Michael Straczynski - ‘JMS’ - was very active in (non-fanfic) fan community spaces, and you always knew exactly what he was thinking about things because he was part of the discussion around them. There was also fanfic, which he didn’t stop but didn’t go near on the grounds of legal liability for story ideas. 
Most of the fanfic in the early days as the show was airing was focused around two big ships, of which one was canon endgame (Delenn/Sheridan) and one was canon all-ends-in-despair (Marcus/Ivanova). I, as a teenager discovering a developing online fandom for the first time with all the overwhelm and excitement that causes (ask me anything about what reading fic was like before the days of tags/ratings/warnings!) got into Marcus/Ivanova and also into one of the minor ships, Delenn/Lennier.
Delenn/Lennier was never, ever going to happen in canon. This is obvious; it clashes with Delenn/Sheridan which was JMS’s baby darling OTP, the show’s big love story. Delenn is married for the later part of the show. Lennier is her diplomatic aide, is absolutely devoted to her, and they have a very intense mentor/student relationship, which it seems is kind of standard in their culture (when Delenn’s own mentor died she went briefly insane with grief and started a genocidal war over it) but is still Very Intense. He is canonically in love with her, but that’s as far as the explicit canon statements go.
However. HowEVER. Canon also gives us, for that relationship, some wonderful ship fuel. Lennier knows about every bad thing Delenn has done, including all the stuff she doesn’t/can’t tell her husband. He’s her link to her previous world and culture and stands by her even when they kick her out. She says at one point, “without him, I would stumble and fall and never get up again.” 
And then… we had Season 5, the final season.
Season 5, for various complicated production reasons, was operating a little outside of pre-planned story arcs and in this season the Delenn/Lennier stuff ramped up about three gears in one go. It was still very obviously never, ever going to be canon, and was almost certainly not intended by the creator (who wrote most of the episodes himself) to look like there was even anything there. At this point Delenn is married; any relationship with her aide would not only be going against the show’s OTP, but going against it in the sense where she’s cheating on her husband, and there is Just No Way JMS would have gone there. And yet! Season 5 gave us:
A scene where Lennier says he can’t stay, it’s too painful to be around her now she’s married, and she’s devastated and has the following conversation with her husband about it:
S: I got your message about Lennier. Is there anything I can do?
D [snapping]: Almost certainly not.
S: Is it because of me?
D: In part, I think so.
S: Yeah, I was afraid of that. Well, as we say back on Earth, three’s a crowd.
D: On Minbar, three is sacred.
S [slightly uncomfortable laugh]: Well, I don’t think I’m ready to handle that one, Delenn.
Delenn then calling Lennier back to the station to do some secret mission thing for her, which involves her sneaking out of her bed while her husband sleeps to meet Lennier in a darkened alley behind a bar, where she tenderly strokes his face and they have a whole conversation about whether her husband understands her or not.
A scene where Lennier comes back from his secret mission to meet both Delenn and Sheridan, Delenn goes to greet him with a hug, and Lennier does this very pointed step back and nod in the direction of her husband, and she pulls back and just sort of pats him on the arms instead. 
I MEAN.
But, the issue here is not what fans did about it but what canon did about it. Canon did the canon equivalent of dragging that ship outside and shooting it in the head. 
In the final few episodes of the entire series, Lennier tries to kill Sheridan, runs away in shame, and then someone finds his diary in which he’d been writing for ages about what a bad decision he thought Delenn had made and how her whole marriage was an awful idea. Even to this day, it’s fun/awful watching people go through a first-time watch when they get to season 5 and hit that. ‘Character assassination in the form of a diary’ was a whole thing for a while. It’s been 20+ years and the actor who played Lennier is stilll mad about it (not because of shippy stuff, but because he - correctly! - thinks Lennier absolutely would not have done that). 
What *fandom* did, on the other hand, was Fixed The Problem.
Delenn/Lennier was not at all a big ship when the series was airing, and for a few years after. Then the fandom dynamics started to change. With less pressure on what canon was going to do, it felt like fandom had more space to play around with things it didn’t do. Fanfic got less interested in trying to fit within the overall story being told and started spinning off in all its own directions. And *this* ship started getting bigger and bigger. People did really interesting things with it, canon divergence went in all directions, everyone wrote a fix-it story of some variety, some authors did a great series of connected stories based on an idea that Minbari have three genders, the quality of the writing has been brilliant. And I think without that absolute whiplash feeling of what happened in canon, there would never have been this feeling of “well I’m not having THAT” which led to all this.
We did not need canon! Canon had done its thing. And canon had broken our hearts enough ways with many of the other stories it told (entirely on purpose) and we weren’t just going to sit back and let it ruin us forever.
By comparison, the other ship I was into was Marcus/Ivanova. This is entirely doomed. Susan Ivanova’s love life is just perpetually doomed. The first partner of hers we meet is an ex who’s interested in getting back together, but then it turns out he’s just using her to infiltrate the station for the fascist terrorist group he’s secretly joined. Then she falls for an archrival of hers, Talia, who works for Psi Corps, the organisation she loathes most of all things - but it’s okay because it turns out Talia is starting to question them too! Maybe these crazy kids can make it work! They have one night together and then OOPS turns out Talia was being secretly controlled by a sleeper personality implanted in her by Psi Corps the whole time. Ivanova’s love life is doomed. 
So for two seasons, she has this sort-of-flirty, sort-of-bickery, sort-of-friendship going with Marcus, who is on the surface of it very much “why not fall in love at first sight like a true romantic, YOLO!” but it turns out is actually deeply messed up himself and full of survivor’s guilt and pain and, you get the clear impression, would have died of shock if she’d actually called his bluff on the OTT flirting and said “yeah, let’s go for it”. And then he sacrifices himself to save her life. It is a very tragic ending, it is absolutely the way he would have wanted to go, she wakes up both furious and absolutely distraught, says that the last thing she heard was him saying “I love you”, says she wishes she’d at least slept with him once, and says that in a way all love is unrequited. PAIN. 
So, lots of fix-it fanfic, lots of ‘Marcus comes back to life’, lots of canon divergence AUs where he doesn’t die and they live happily ever after and both get over their huge levels of unresolved pain. Pretty standard for that kind of pairing. And as a pairing it doesn’t get in the way of any big canon pairings, it doesn’t imply anything icky like mentor/student power imbalances or adultery. And JMS clearly quite liked it. So that’s better, right?
NO. It was WORSE.
JMS wrote an Marcus/Ivanova story himself, published in one of the sci-fi magazines, to try to give them a happy ending. This happy ending involves Marcus, many many years in the future, waking up from the cryogenic suspension he’s in (it’s sci-fi, keep up, keep up). Ivanova is long dead, but he isn’t about to let this get in the way, so what he does is to *create a new Ivanova* by getting some kind of DNA + computerised memory/personality bank thing, finding a doctor who will clone her, putting himself back into animated sleep until the clone reaches the age Ivanova was when she died, then - THEN, I’M STILL GOING - takes her to a distant planet where, with her memories wiped and their spaceship having deliberately been crashed BY HIM so there’s no way back, they live out their lives in peace.
WHAT.
That pairing still does okay in fandom but it’s not really taken on a post-show world of headcanons and riffing on other people’s ideas and tropes in the way that Delenn/Lennier has (and we all just pretend that story never existed). 
So! This has been my experiences in the field of What We Do When The Show Has Thoughts On That Non-Endgame Ship We’re Into. Fandom manages. Fandom will see you through. And in the words of Susan Ivanova:
Babylon Five was the last of the Babylon stations; there would never be another. It changed the future, and it changed us. It taught us that we have to create the future, or others will do it for us. It showed us that we have to care for one another, for if we don’t, who will? And that true strength sometimes comes from the most unlikely places. Mostly though, I think it gave us hope that there can always be new beginnings - even for people like us.
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easily becoming, through an open eye, monstrous and beautiful.
Patti Smith, from Woolgathering
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Hey I really like your art style!
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Thanks! I've always seen it as very inconsistent, but I'm glad to hear I still have a distinct enough style and that you like it!
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vegaseatsass · 19 days
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DFF Finale
Alright alright alright that took me on a rollercoaster like some REAL high lows in that episode, I love an ambiguous ending but also I crave so much more closure owwwwwwww However for now I'm just coming to share my theory. Ever since this post pointed out that New hallucinated Non in his death t-shirt, I've been sitting on the idea that the Janta drugs have actual supernatural qualities. These aren't just any old hallucinogens New cooked up, they're a strain of a drug that serves a specific purpose for a death cult. So now that EVERYONE hallucinated Non in his death t-shirt, even though Tee is the only one who ever saw him in it, and it's highkey unlikely that he described the shirt Non was wearing to them at any time (and certainly not to New when he hallucinated Non wearing it years ago), I would like to propose the theory that the ghost of Non they see is a very real very true ghost, and the things he says to them are very real very true things. The "thank you" he gives New is not a figment of New's troubled mind, but what Non actually has to say to him, just like everything else he says to everyone else: their actions may be the product of their guilt, but Non is actually speaking his ghostly mind to each of them.
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caintooth · 1 year
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Happy Trans Day of Visibility!
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~~~
click here:
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dead-d0lls-everywhere · 2 months
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This entire bored is actual perfection
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pls enjoy my modest collection of pdfs
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