#not a big fan of the way sep looks in this one but it's whatever. Who cares

[dandylovesturtles]

For the writer ask!

I’m intrigued by all of these but especially the podcast and the class of 2024 ones because they have the least amount of context clues, I would love some elaboration!

Class of 2024 is a one shot I intend to finish... sometime lol, when I have more time to get back to it. Here's a bit:

“If the damn Krang hadn’t invaded, I’d have been graduating in a few weeks.”

“Oh.” Donnie’s typing finally pauses, and he looks at her. Gives her his attention, and she loves him for it even while the practical part of her wants him to get back to whatever surely critical thing he was just working on. “I guess you would be. Assuming you graduated on time and didn’t have to repeat anything.”

She elbows him in the side, and even though she knows it doesn’t hurt him he jerks back. “I would have graduated on time, Dee.”

“I’m only covering our bases! We can’t know the counterfactual, after all.” She elbows him again.

“Donatello Hamato, you are the worst,” she tells him with all the fondness in the world.

His lips quirk up in a barely there smile. One of his battleshell arms extends and resumes typing, but he hasn’t looked back at it himself so she knows his main focus is still on her.

“Would you have gone to graduation?”

“Hm, probably. I mean, I don’t really care, but Mom-” She’d been about to say that her mom wants to go, present tense, and she just manages to stop herself. It’s crazy that it’s been two years, and still sometimes…

“...Mom would have thrown a fit if I skipped it,” she finally says, past tense, and she catches the way Donnie’s eyes cloud because he knows. God does he know.

They’re both orphans. She pushes the thought aside before she can let it erode all her carefully crafted walls.

“As would the rest of us,” says Donnie now, moving them straight past dangerous territory, and much as she hates that he dodges talking about emotions she appreciates it right now. It’s too damn late - or too early - for that. “You know how much fun we had sneaking into your high school graduation, surely you wouldn’t deny us the chance of a repeat.”

“Only if you promised not to bring the air horns.”

“I can’t promise that.”

“Then consider your chance denied.”

As for the Podcast Sep AU, that's an idea that has grown out of this post I wrote awhile back, except I basically just kept "the boys meet online" and changed everything else about it haha. In this version, April and Donnie have a true crime podcast that theorizes about the mysterious disappearance of Lou Jitsu, and the other three listen to it regularly, and then miscellaneous things happen along the way. It's a bit more angsty and less of a comedy than my original idea because I am myself, though it's still largely intended to be lighthearted as far as separated AUs go.

uh I'll just put some of the notes I posted on discord under the cut:

LEO

Leo calls Hypno Papa or Pop and calls Warren Dad, unless he's being a brat then he calls him Warren (this happens daily tbh)

they lived for awhile off money they each individually had saved up (also maybe Hypno's ratty apartment is Rent Controlled) but eventually they had to start having an active revenue stream so they started stealing

Leo loves stage magic OBVI but he's especially good at sleight of hand tricks and close up magic

so he starts using those skills to pickpocket

his dads don't really like him doing this (mostly out of concern for his safety rather than ethics) but they also can't really stop him unless they confine him to the house and they don't really want to do that so v(._.)v BOYS WILL BE BOYS IG

he gives them most of the money but he keeps some for himself for comics or other random things he wants

when Leo was still pretty little Hypno watched some Lou Jitsu movies out of curiosity, he knew who Lou Jitsu was but had never really watched the movies himself

he likes them alright but they aren't really his thing

but Leo came in and was immediately enthralled by it and became a big fan

Hypno knows LJ is Leo's human "dad" but decides not to tell him because he thinks it will just make Leo sad that he got left behind, also Hypno and Warren aren't even sure if LJ and the other three turtles survived

anyway this is what starts Leo on being an LJ fan and why he eventually finds Donnie and April's podcast

MIKEY

Mikey calls Repo "Boss" pretty much all the time, and Repo mostly calls him kid, occasionally he'll call him Mike

Repo taught Mikey how to read and do basic math growing up but that's pretty much it

so Mikey learns a lot of things from the internet and A LOT OF IT IS NOT CORRECT this will drive Donnie crazy later

Mikey learned about Lou Jitsu from stumbling across some old dvds someone threw out and got interested that way

he spends a lot of his time making art in the junkyard when he's not working for Repo

Dr. Delicate Touch still comes out when he is helping Repo

Repo doesn't get mutated until the time he does in canon but when he does get mutated he's just kinda like "shrug" and moves on with life lol

Mikey thinks it's cool though

also Mikey is a little greasy gremlin child 100% of the time, this will also drive Donnie crazy later

DONNIE

initially I thought April's dad would be out of the picture for whatever reason but I decided he's still here he just works overseas/out of town a lot

when April brought Donnie to Mama O'Neil she called Papa O'Neil like "hey I found a baby and I'm keeping him"

Papa was like ????? so she took a pic with a digital camera and uploaded it and sent it to him because that's what we did in 2005

Papa like that is a wholeass frog

she explained the situation and he was like OKAY GUESS WE HAVE A GREEN SON NOW he was chill with it though

they committed light identity fraud so technically Donnie has a birth certificate and is enrolled in online school

Donnie still invents but he doesn't have the space for it like in canon and also Mama will come after him if he sets anything on fire or explodes anything so a lot of his stuff is smaller atm, but he's been scoping out places he can use as a lab in secret for bigger projects recently

he's also a twitch streamer who uses a video filter over video of his own face to make his movements look more stiff and plasticy and he passes himself off as a vtuber this way

he cheats a lot

April also streams and she gets annoyed by this lol

they both became fans of Lou Jitsu when they were younger and they often traded conspiracy theories about what happened to him

then after binging one or two true crime podcasts they were like HEY WE CAN DO THAT TOO

RAPH

Splinter really is trying his best ok

he's SUPER DEPRESSED that he lost the other kids, especially Donnie and Mikey because like Leo getting lost in the lab explosion is one thing, realistically he can't really help that, but he left the kids alone when he lost Donnie and Mikey and that haunts him forever

he told Raph he was the only one who survived the lab explosion but Raph has very very vague memories of not being alone, then suddenly being alone

he doesn't push it with Splinter but he just has a feeling his siblings are out there

even if he doesn't remember it, this had a bad effect on him and he has a hard time being alone now

of course as Raph's gotten old enough to take care of himself, Splinter has become more distant/more depressed, he loves Raph of course but he's also going through it

Raph trains himself a lot with this idea that he's going to go out and be a hero and maybe even find his brothers, but his anxiety makes it hard for him to actually leave the lair for more than to get groceries or things like that

also Splinter and Raph's lair is like way more dilapidated and not very cozy with no Donnie to help with the mechanical side of things

it's like the most bummer bachelor pad ever in here, they have a mini fridge and it's full of sauces

Raph occasionally gets seen by maintenance workers from a distance so there's all kinds of rumors about him and he's the local cryptid, not that he realizes this (the others will be excited when they put this together)

Raph is just really lonely all the time and when he meets the others through the podcast it's the first time he finds community ;w;

[fisshontoast]

ID: a pen sketch of septimus and marwick. There is an orange base sketch with a more finished sketch in pink on top. Septimus is smiling with his eyes shut and doing finger guns/pointing at marwick, who looks slightly distressed and has his hands raised slightly as though gesturing during conversation. There is a text conversation edited over the image, with septimus saying "lol" "guess what" and marwick responding "bitch with the way you live I have no fucking idea" /end ID

@asksep

[noel-fielding-web-page]

'Making TV during Covid is like being a hostage'

Noel Fielding on the return of Never Mind The Buzzcocks

As Never Mind The Buzzcocks is rebooted for Sky, returning team captain Noel Fielding reflects on how it – and he – has changed over the years.

What did you think when you heard that they were bringing the show back and wanted you to return as a team captain?

Well, usually I’d be like, ‘Never go backwards. Never go back,’ but I did it for five years and I became really good friends with Phill Jupitus. I love Phill, and we just got on really, really well. So I was half thinking, ‘Should I do this without him?’ I knew he wasn’t doing it. He’s gone back to art school, he’s in Scotland now living his best life.

But the reason I said yes is because I’m such a big fan of Greg Davies and Daisy May Cooper. They’re two of my favourite comedians, they’re two people that really make me laugh. So, I just thought, ‘Well, I know this show and I can’t not do it if those two are doing it, because they’re so good.’

I did Taskmaster, and literally I laughed all the way through it. Greg was cracking me up all the time. I just thought, ‘This is going to be really good. It’s a deadly combination.’

Did you feel any nerves at all sitting back in the captain’s seat?

Not really, but I had to slightly reposition myself mentally, because I suppose when I did it originally, I was much younger. I still feel like I’m 32, even though I’m not. I’m looking forward to the John Cooper Clarke years, where you’re still dressing ridiculously, you’ve got your ski suit on, and your crazy boots, and people go, ‘Oh yeah, it’s him.’

John Cooper Clarke is my hero, he’s still rock and roll, he manages to pull it off. And I saw him on Antiques Road Trip, and I just thought, ‘Well, if you can make Antiques Road Trip cool, that is the coolest thing ever.’

You must miss the social element of the show then?

Yeah, I would love if there was a bit more of a social aspect to it, because I feel like bonding-wise, it’s great if you can all go out and get smashed occasionally, because it just helps.

But I just feel lucky that we can still do television, because of the pandemic, not everyone can do the job they were doing.

You’re up against Daisy, how competitive does it get between  you?

Well, I’ve realised I’m getting thrashed, which is killing me! I think Daisy has a really weird knowledge of Britney type pop music, that I don’t have.

That’s slightly my weak point, is that I’m not big on that kind of pop stuff. I know it, but I just don’t know as much of it.

Daisy seems to know every lyric to every pop act. She knows Bieber lyrics, and stuff like that, which I’m hopeless at. I know Bieber exists, but I know it’s not for me! I think Daisy, so far, has been quite lucky with the guests. She’s had Lauren Laverne, who’s just like an encyclopaedia of music.

But I’ve never been that bothered about winning. I’m always trying to be funny, instead of giving the right answer, or I just have a laugh with my team.

Jamali Maddix floats between both teams, what’s it like having him on the show?

Jamali’s amazing, actually. I’d seen his stand-up and I thought he was really good, but he’s been brilliant on this. He’s quite a good counterpoint to Greg, because he’s coming from such a different angle, of youth, because Greg is always playing the old man card! Jamali is the person that’s going, ‘Right Greg, this is what’s cool. This is what’s happening’, but Greg’s like, ‘I’ve got no fucking clue,’ which is hilarious.

Some people might say that the music scene is not as wild now as it was back in the day. What do you think to that?

I think it’s different. I think that there have been a few guests on who are definitely rock and roll, but in a different way to what was classified as rock and roll, I suppose,. What was quite funny is, there’s a rapper called Aitch, and I don’t know how young he is. He’s very young, 21, 22 maybe. And he was saying that his guilty pleasure was Razorlight, and I was laughing, ‘I used to knock around with Razorlight, wow, my generation are being described as a sort of guilty pleasure!’ It was cracking me up.

The kids are always doing something different, and as you get older, you think, ‘Oh, it’s not as good as my generation,’ but, it probably is, it’s just different. I’m sure I used to say that to my mum and dad. They were very rock and roll, so it was very hard to out-rock and roll my parents. They used to go to see David Bowie, and Led Zeppelin. When I was growing up, the only way I could really rebel was by listening to Adam Ant, and stuff like Duran Duran, which they thought was just pop stuff, because they were the real deal rock and roll.

What’s the vibe of the show this time around?

Well, I feel like because Greg’s in control, it’s a little bit out of control to begin with, and I feel like Daisy’s energy is quite mad as well. And then I’m quite weird! The young pop stars that are coming on, and rappers are going, ‘I was a bit nervous, I thought I was going to get torn to pieces, but actually I really enjoyed that.’

The great thing about Buzzcocks is it’s a place where you can see your favourite bands, or singers, or rappers, or whatever, and you can get to know what they’re like. There are not many programmes where that happens any more.

I feel like we’re giving them space to shine a bit as well. I feel like Greg’s really warm and giggly, but he’s also so funny. Daisy’s a sort of wild card, and I’m quite surreal. And Jamali’s got a whole different thing going on, so I feel like we’re coming at it from loads of different angles.

I feel like the vibe is quite mad tea party. It’s nice, it’s a little bit out of control. I feel like if there were fewer restrictions because of the pandemic, we’d probably be all rolling about together,   where Daisy would be jumping on you, and Greg would be rolling about. I feel like it would be quite a tactile show. One of my big memories of doing Buzzcocks before was being chased around the set by Lorraine Kelly.

I feel like another series would just descend into absolute carnage, definitely. It’s just TV gold, right there.

What have the guests been like?

There’s been some great guests. Obviously, we had Bez and Shaun Ryder, which was fantastic, they’re such a brilliant double-act and such funny characters. There’s been a lot of stuff that we’ve been laughing at, that I’m not sure will make the show. Daisy said to me she really hopes there’s just an extra episode of bloopers and outtakes.

One of the games looks at pre-show rituals, do you have one?

It’s quite difficult now because you’re not allowed to come out of your dressing room until the last minute, so it is like a hostage situation. Then, you do the show, you get bundled into the taxi, and you’re gone. It’s a bit like a dream, it’s like you’ve been kidnapped, and then put in front of a TV audience, done some stuff, shown off for a bit, and then you’re back in the car. You go, ‘Did that happen?’

Apparently, Daisy revealed her obsession with ghosts during filming?

Daisy’s the weirdest person I’ve ever met… She’s so hilarious. I think her cleaner, who came to the show, is a medium as well. You couldn’t really write that, could you?  And, oh my God, she literally loves dancing. She’s always out of her chair, busting moves. I think she’d probably win Strictly if she was ever invited on it. She should definitely do it!

• Never Mind The Buzzcocks returns to Sky Max at 9pm next Tuesday, September 21.

Published: 14 Sep 2021

[x]

[makeste]

BnHA 6th Popularity Poll Reaction Post - Risky Spoiler-Dodging Edition

hey guys, so seeing as the results from the 6th popularity poll were leaked today, I figured I would do a separate reaction + analysis post this year, rather than piling it in as an extra on top of the chapter reaction post tomorrow. I figure this makes more sense anyway, since they’re really two completely different things. also this way I can write as much as I want lol.

also, just fyi, I am still completely unspoiled for chapter 293. and probably the smart thing to do to keep it that way would be to log off tumblr and hold off posting this until tomorrow, but I apparently have no impulse control today so oh well. anyway, so I’m hoping you guys will keep this spoiler-free if you don’t mind! as always, I would prefer to just jump right in completely unaware tomorrow like Troy returning to the study room with the pizza boxes lol.

okay so this first part is just going to be my predictions. fyi I am writing this part on Wednesday night, and then I’ll add on the results part on Thursday or Friday (ETA: Thursday, apparently, since I am impatient.)

okay so first of all, just as a refresher, this poll was open to Japanese voters from Aug 3 to Sep 30. meaning chapters 279 through 285. meanwhile last year’s poll took place around the tail end of the MVA arc. so between then and now we had Heroes Rising, the Endeavor Agency arc, and the War arc up to the part where the 1-A kids took on Gigantomachia in Gunga, and started battling Tomura in Jakku. so technically only a couple of arcs, but a LOT of stuff going down in them. oh and season 4 of the anime as well

so! firstly, I predict that my truculent africanized honeybee son will hold on to his crown at #1, coming off a year in which he did some internship-boosted soul searching, borrowed OFA in movie canon, and finished out the voting period as the my-body-moved-on-its-own character development MVP. like CALL ME CRAZY lol, but I’m pretty sure his title is safe. and then after him will be Deku and Shouto as usual

Aizawa should hopefully also have a strong showing because the dude had a banner fucking year. reunited with his old dead friend, took on Tomura with his hopelessly inept hero pals, and then chopped his fucking leg off. he had better be in the top 10. his fucking leg died for this, idk what else he has to do

Endeavor also stands a decent chance of doing well given the internship arc and the final episode of season 4. which I’m sure will go down just swimmingly if that does happen lmao. especially if he somehow manages to rank higher than...

Dabi, which I don’t think he will btw, but you never know. anyways though, but I’m thinking Dabi’s going to have a stronger showing than in past years (in the last poll he only got 367 votes and was ranked 19th). mostly because of his fight in the Gunga mansion, and his cheekily censored name reveal to...

Hawks, who is also going to rank pretty high here, I think. might be he loses some points for killing off Twice, but his back was basically to the wall there. and he has always been very popular, and I think season 4 will also give him a boost, along with his heavy involvement in the first half of the War arc

Tomura was already in 6th place last year and I think he cracks the top 5 this year. he’s gotten exponentially more popular since the MVA arc, and got a boost in the last poll even though his flashback had only just barely happened, and he hadn’t finished Awakening yet and all that stuff. anyway, so he’s only gotten cooler and more tragic since then so I think he makes a big play here

Kirishima, Momo, Tokoyami, and Mina should also hopefully do well, since the poll opened right in the middle of all that Gigantomachia action, and Toko had just got done being an absolute badass and protecting his birb dad. I don’t think he’ll quite make it to the top ten, but he should

and last but not least, I’m hoping that Mirko will come out and take the polls by storm, although I have no clue how popular she is in Japan lol. she’s clearly Horikoshi’s favorite though. she SHOULD be everyone’s favorite, but I mean, we’ll see how it goes

anyway that’s it as far as predictions! and so now, through the magic of writing stuff at different times, we will fast-forward to the part where we actually find out the results!

OH MY GOD YES, STEAMPUNK KHLKSLLKL. HERE FOR IT. JOLLY GOOD SHOW. 5 STARS

Kacchan looks SO COCKY and SO HAPPY and SO ADORABLE, YES I SAID IT. he is adorable as FUCK. I don’t quite know what it is about this particular Kacchan that just screams “LOOK HOW FUCKING CUTE MY STUPID, LOUD SON IS WITH HIS BIZARRE WINDOWPANE-LOOKING CONVERTIBLE SUNGLASS GOGGLES and his POORLY TIED CRAVAT”, but I think it’s because he looks like if a Digimon character and a FMA character had a baby

anyway, so it looks like most of the people present here are more or less who we expected to see. except that I can’t tell for sure if that’s Dabi or Shindou, and if it’s Shindou I’m going to punch somebody in the face so you will have to excuse me

Iida wearing a TRENCHCOAT and a TOP HAT with ENGINE EXHAUST GOGGLE ACCENTS is my new favorite Iida of all time. take note how there is no possible way he can wear those goggles with them sitting on top of his hat like that. plus he’s already got glasses on. these are just purely for aesthetic and IF THAT AIN’T JUST THE STEAMPUNK WAY

Deku out here speaking softly and carrying a lead pipe. Kacchan you best look out. seems like he’s done watching you take first place year after year while he languishes in the number two spot. your only hope is that he trips while attacking you because his boots are unbuckled

Shouto’s standing over there with the rest of the non-first-and-second-place characters, but what are the odds his results are actually within spitting distance of Deku’s same as always. anyway he doesn’t mind, though. also his outfit is by far the most sensible one here, but if you look closely he’s got some sort of fire extinguisher/jet pack thing strapped to his back that’s got a control switch on his belt. Shouto are you jetpacking or putting out fires

Kirishima out here all “I’m not sure what steampunk is so I’m just going to take off my shirt and pose”

AIZAWA WITH THE EYEPATCH SKLKSDLKFJLSKJLDFKJSLDFFJLDKSJFL:KS. SIR. SIR. also, lowkey furious that Horikoshi refuses to show us the automail leg that he is clearly sporting here but which we just can’t see, SHOUTO MOVE GODDAMMIT

Endeavor has TWO fire extinguisher-slash-jetpacks. THE BETTER TO... WHATEVER. look at you here in the top ten again. you really live for that controversy

HAWKS OUT HERE WITH HIS STEAMPUNK BEATS BY DRE AND HIS WEARING A RING ON EVERY FINGER. nice to see you’ve still got your wings there, kiddo. then again Deku still has both of his arms too so who even knows what is going on

BUT SERIOUSLY THOUGH, IS THIS DABI OR SHINDOU. as if I don’t know the truth deep down in my heart. y’all I am gonna flip lmao. it’s not that I dislike Shindou, strictly speaking. but just... I can’t explain what it is, but if you put him and AFO next to each other and told me “you can only punch one”, I would be having a serious crisis. just, THIS FUCKING GUY, idek. STOP SMILING

Tomura looks like he just wandered onto the set here by mistake and has no idea where he is or what is going on. it’s because you’re wearing a bigass severed hand that’s blocking your entire view, Tomura. just take the hand off your face my sweet murder dumpling

anyway! so I managed to also find a link to the full poll results while somehow managing to avoid spoilers, and then I wanted to compare the results to last year’s poll, and so I made... this

hopefully you can all see this. if you’re on desktop you might be screwed, but on mobile you should be able to click and enlarge it. I mean, assuming you actually give a fuck about boring poll analysis spreadsheets lmao

anyway, so there were actually 13k fewer votes cast this year which is a bit of a surprise. is the series not still growing in popularity? do people apparently have better things to do during their quarantine lol

anyways but despite this, and despite getting 8k fewer votes overall, Kacchan still managed almost twice as many as his closest competitor. well fought, Deku. please put down that pipe

I somehow always underestimate the power of ship popularity to influence these things. but for example, it looks like Present Mic got that Vigilantes Trio bump. ride that wave for all it’s worth my man! hell, you got me on board

Iida fucking Tenya somehow got some sort of POWER BOOST out of NOWHERE which I can’t explain at all lmao, but I’m here for it. NOT BAD FOR AN OLD MAN

Sero managed to get the exact same number of votes in both 2019 and 2020. clearly the most loyal fans in the business

Mirko being all the way down at #20 is, of course, a travesty, and I hereby nominate her to be the one to punch Shindou in the face

ngl though, the lack of a single female character in the top ten hurts just a bit. it’s not overly surprising, but still. the worst part of it is that even if you kicked Shindou to the curb and moved everyone else up one slot, it would still be all dudes since Mic beat out Momo by a margin of a little more than a hundred votes. hard to stay mad at Mic for too long, though. ah well

Tomura actually lost a bunch of votes which is a genuine surprise to me. I know the villain standom isn’t as dominant in Japan as it is in Western fandom, but still. you can go ahead and punch Shindou too I guess

Tokoyami lowkey doubled his vote count over the past year while hiding down there at #18. he is slowly becoming more powerful. biding his time

anyway so I think that’s it! I mean not really, but I’m getting kind of tired lol. so just, you know, insert the usual gripes at Overhaul’s ranking here, although we can be happy about Magne making her way onto the list (r.i.p.), and Mineta and AFO taking a very satisfying slide down (all the way out, in AFO’s case; good riddance you bum). Hadou also got a huge boost which is awesome. Mustard’s persistent ownership of the #36 spot will forever remain a mystery to me, but oh well

anyways, this was fun. and I really do feel like everyone is looking away on purpose so that when Deku brains Kacchan with that pipe in about two seconds from now, there will be no witnesses, oh my fucking god

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Sarah Ellen Parsons

Sarah Ellen Parsons has 18 X-Files stories at Gossamer and 19 at AO3. If you want high quality fic with interesting characters, go read her stories. Some of my favorites of her fics are The Crouching Thing and My Constant Touchstone Who Makes Me A Whole Person (which are two very different stories!). Big thanks to Sarah Ellen for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

With today's binge-watching culture, I'm not at all surprised. You can watch a bunch of eps and then seek out fic that is where you are in the series.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

I took away a writer's group Yes, Virginia, that is still together.  Mostly as friends, but whenever I write something, or someone else writes something, it's the first place we all run for machete beta. I have betad SO MANY novels.

We have a number of folks who are published writers since then and our time in X-Files fic brought us lifelong friendships IRL and made us all better at our craft. The majority of those folks were better writers than I am. And I make my living as a writer in my day-job.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

I belonged to a couple of the largest lists and posted there and bitched about the show on usenet with everyone else.  We had our own Yahoo group for beta.  We all had crappy GeoCities websites that we programmed the HTML for ourselves and hooked through various fandom link circles to get traffic to our stories.  But the main method of distribution was the lists.

Fun fact, I found a free page counter thing that I used at work one time through fandom. So fandom pays off in skillz.

Even without social media, we managed to get our stories in front of readers who would enjoy them. Where there's a will, there's always someone ready to step up and find a way.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

Again, I have lifelong friends IRL that I got solely from fanfiction. That's the best takeaway.

Fandom disappointed me because it, like everything else, is ruined by people's egos, backstabbing, and petty people who get in positions of power and then use those positions to punch down or dictate. I was young when I was writing X-Files and I still had hope that people would rise to their better natures, so I got involved in various futile efforts to try to make people behave the way I wanted them to behave, I guess. I did a lot of public bitching that didn't serve me or my friends well. I now put that effort into politics, where it does actual good.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

X-files was made for me. It combined science fiction, mystery, horror.  I love all of those genres. Plus there was Scully. No matter how sexist that writer's room was, Scully was awesome. But you kept seeing bad writing. Even in the heyday seasons, like Season 3, there were really terrible eps that made you want to fix things.

I'm a lifelong speculative fiction fan and a published feminist science fiction author. I actually was published before I fell down the fic hole. I got involved in fanfic due to getting my fantasy novel turned down from every major publisher for being "too dark". And I needed to get readers to see my stuff to prove to myself that I wasn't terrible at writing. I got a ton of feedback and it was like market research to see what people wanted to read.

My time in fanfiction made me 100% a better writer than I was.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I went to the X-Files Expo to see if I could make contact with someone from Harper Collins because the tie-in novels sucked so hard.  I got rejected with my pitch as I didn't have a literary agent.

Around that time, a pal who I watched X-Files with IRL was looking for a free X-files wallpaper for her work computer when she found the website where fans in Pennsylvania had fic archived. She read some and wrote to me - "you need to see this, and you can do better."  So I started reading and was.... I probably CAN do better. So I wrote The Batman Plot. And made two friends I'm still friends with with that one story.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

Nonexistent.  I couldn't even watch the latest season and I saw only 2 of season one of whatever that was before I gave up. I have never watched the second movie.

X-files is my first fandom bad ex-husband. I loved it SO MUCH, but it betrayed me.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

I was deep into Harry Potter for a while, but I didn't end up publishing anything in it. All my stories were novel-length and I was writing so much for work, I never completed anything. I called Snape/Lily when Prisoner of Azkaban was published and got Jossed by Rowling in one of my big ideas. (This is bad fandom ex-husband 2. JKR will never get a dime of money from me again because of her hateful stance on transfolk. I have RL friends who are trans and NO.)

I wrote fic in Supernatural. It was the obvious next thing after X-Files. However, the misogyny and bringing in all the Angel/Devil Christofascist stuff lost me. The ep where they declared all other religions other than Christianity as invalid and killed a Hindu god made me stop watching for good. I know enough Christofascists IRL that I can't tolerate it in my fiction. (Bad fandom ex-husband 3)

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

This list is far too long to actually make.  But characters I spent time writing about include: Kirk, Spock, McCoy and Co. (I wrote three unpublished Star Trek novels before I found online fandom). King Arthur and Morgan Le Fay, Sherlock Holmes (I wrote a Sherlock Holmes play after seeing "Crucifer of Blood" and entered it in a national competition, where I got very nice comments back.), Mulder, Scully and Krycek, Rowling's Hermione and Snape (like him or not, its masterful characterization), Dean and Sam Winchester, John Winchester and Bobby Singer.  I wrote one comedy story starring Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  A couple of Roswell stories under a different name. Catwoman and Batman. I have some unpublished Avengers fanfic lying around as I'm an OG Marvel fan with a massive comic collection.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I was on a business trip a few years ago and FX had a marathon and I watched part of it when I was in my hotel room. Early seasons are comforting, but I don't go back there now.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I don't read X-Files fic anymore. I read a tiny bit of Star Wars after the second movie because Rian Johnson had it right. Now I don't care. I love Mandalorian, but am content to watch.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

Too many to count.  All of YV. Which reminds me, I need to go update our entry at Fanlore. I promised Punk I'd do it a while back.  I need to at least get everyone linked.  Right now it's only Punk and Sab.

But it was a ton of us.  Marasmus, Maria Nicole, Cofax, CazQ, M. Sebasky, Livia Balaban, Kelly Keil, Wen, Ropobop, Jess Mabe, JET, fialka, and a bunch of others that I can't remember their fic names any more, just their real names because I know them all IRL. I need to go back and look up their fic names and link them up there.

In addition to my little group of pals, I loved reading Mustang Sally and Rivka T, Rachel Anton - I keep trying to find her to encourage her to write romance if she's not doing it already, but no dice, Dasha K., Anjou, there were so many great ones, but their names have slipped my mind in the past 20 years.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

I'm most known for Prone, and I'm proud of that story for all kinds of reasons, but I think my very best is The Crouching Thing.

I mostly didn't publish anything I didn't think was good and hadn't been machete betaed within an inch of its life, but I'm not sure much of the angsty romance stuff holds up as well. I think it worked when the show was still ON and we were all in that emotional headspace, but probably not now.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

Funny you ask. I am currently reworking a plot idea I had for an X-Files fic into a contemporary M/M novel, which I will publish under a different pen-name. The plot is the idea I had for X-Files, the characters are very, very different other than one is uptight and the other more easy-going. But no more Mulder and Scully.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I have been making my living as a writer for 25 years. I write the word count equivalent of 5 Tolkein novels a year, just for my day-job.  I am turning back to original fiction, which is where I was before X-Files.  I'm working on the M/M thing, a high fantasy thing, a low fantasy historical thing and a bunch of M/F Regency romances as I get time and energy.  I publish Fantasy and SF under my real name. Romance has pen names as you don't want that getting back to your workplace, either.

SEP is fic only and here she will stay.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

I have too many ideas to count.  I try to write them down when they come, so I won't forget. At least the outline of the idea. Often a scene. I've been like this my entire life. I started writing novels seriously at 15. I wrote a 500 plus page one about Morgan Le Fay during breaks in high school because "Mists of Avalon" pissed me off so bad as I'd read the original source material and that was a Wicca recruitment polemic.

What's the story behind your pen name?

Sarah Ellen was my great-grandma, Parsons was her grandma's last name.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

Half my friends ARE fic friends. Most of my friends know as does my brother, who thinks writing for free is dumb. This is universally agreed on by non-fic friends who know. My mother still doesn't know about the fic. Just the "real" writing.  I write under a pen name to keep it away from my job and my published work.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

My X-files stuff is up on Gossamer mostly. I'm trying to get the stories all moved to AO3 for all the genres. I'm working on this now.  SEP is really not a living thing anymore, but there was a time when she was more me than me.

If you want to find my "real" non-fic writing, write to me at se_parsons at yahoo dot com and I will point you at it.

And PLEASE someone, hunt down Rachel Anton and get her writing something we all can BUY.  Where are my old Krycek bitches at?  Do any of you know where she is? [Lilydale note: I’ve tried contacting Rachel Anton for this Old School X project but have not had luck. I would love to find her too!]

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

The community I loved has mostly moved on, but I think we left a legacy of solid work crafted out of our love for the show.  Find a living community you love for a show you love.  There are great people out there creating and get involved.  It will be worth it.

(Posted by Lilydale on December 15, 2020)

[rayofsunas]

how can I say — kang younghyun

A/N: all I can say was that part of this imagine was written back on September 11th or somewhere around there (yikes) also I edited is chapter, but it's possible I forgot/missed things, because I'm tired lol. enjoy anyways!

Pairings: Band Member! Kang Younghyun x Fem! Band Member! Reader, Band Members! Day6 x Fem! Band Member (platonic; friendship), OC Kiera (face claim = @ci_cc_i on ig)

Summary: you're in a band called Day6 with your friends and boyfriend. But when happens when you're "replaced" after suffering from an injury?

Warnings: swearing, angst, fluff, injury, jealousy

Words: 1,614

[Sep. 11, 2019]

"My throat still feels tight, Jae." You admitted honestly to the eldest member in your band, who was also like an older brother too you.

"Here drink some water, you might've strained your vocal cords." He explained kindly handing you a water bottle, in hopes it'd help.

"Not possible. I've done this for years." Reluctantly though, you took the bottle from him, mumbling a low 'thanks' as soon as it made contact with your hand.

"Hence why your vocal cords are probably strained... take a break for a while." Jae chuckled at your stubbornness before his face went back to a serious expression.

"Where's the rest of the guys?" Your head turned towards Wonpil who was standing at his keyboard, fingers playing around with the keys. Though as you spoke, your body immediately acted out on instinct and you winced.

Wonpil looked up at you, eyes fluttering with worry though he didn't vocally admit it. "Store. They peaked into the studio an hour ago and said they went out for a coffee run. I think there's traffic, it's that time of an hour."

"They should hurry. I want to record the next part of the song before my voice gets worse."

"Y/n, I don't think it can get any worse... You should take a break." Wonpil finally voiced his concern, and you ignored everything he said. You knew it looked bad, hell, your throat was burning, but you didn't want to admit it and voice your own concerns.

"I don't want to take a break, Wonpil. I just want to finish this—"

For once his voice actually raised, and he made you jump. "You're going to hurt yourself even more! Please, just take a break."

Grasping at your throat gently, you smoothed over the skin, growing more and more worried than you were letting on.

"This has never happened before," you stated clearly sounding confused, then whispering, "I don't know what to do."

"What don't you know what to do?"

Shit. Younghyun was back with the others.

You stood straight, your hand flying from your throat to lay beside you. Hopefully, he hadn't heard the whole conversation, because surely he'd worry and grow irritated that you decided to put the band before your health and well-being.

Suddenly Jae spoke up from across the room, yelling very loudly, "Y/n strained her voice."

With enlarged eyes, you yelled back, "No I didn't! Stop lying Jaehyung." You scolded the oldest, using his full first name, which you almost never called him unless you were, in fact, scolding him.

Your boyfriends eyebrows knitted together in confusion, while Dowoon and Sunjin approached you quickly.

"You're hurt and you didn't tell us?" Sunjin deadpanned, while Dowoon seemed to be checking you over without actually physically touching you, just making sure you were alright other than the strained vocal voice Jae was talking about. "I'm not hurt Sunjin. Don't worry."

"Your voice sounds hoarse." Noted your boyfriend, moving swiftly past his members to stand in front of you.

He squeezed your cheeks together, forcing your lips to part slowly. He seemed to be checking your mouth, most likely your throat. He seemed so curious and worried, and this was what you were afraid of.

"Younghyun stop! You're embarrassing me!" Swatting him away was easier said and thought of than done because the tall man would not give up and was very persistent.

"It's not that big of a deal..." you whispered, that same soreness coming back instantly as soon as you spoke. "It is. Your throat is really red, and you sound hoarse. I can tell you're in pain."

"No, seriously, I'm not. And I didn't strain my voice, it's just a cold."

"She did. But she refuses to take a break."

"Jaehyung shut the hell up."

[Sep. 13, 2019]

"You've strained your vocal cords, they're not permanently damaged though, which is incredible since you told me you've been feeling a soreness for a while now." The doctor exclaimed, sending waves of relief your way with her words.

"You're very strong, but it's not good to continue singing, or else you won't heal properly or at all."

"So that means, singing is off-limits for a while." Your heart dropped to the floor.

"How long are we talking?"

She shrugged, "6-12 weeks or maybe 5 months give or take."

"No, no. I'm sorry ma'am—" Standing to your feet with a slight bounce, your face heated up with anger and your heart once again dropped. "But that's not possible. I have a concert coming up."

Younghyun placed a comforting hand in your shoulder, squeezing gently. "It's okay, I'm sure the guys will understand, so will the fans," he reassured. "We can cancel and reschedule."

"But—"

"It's for the better." You frowned. It felt like you were throwing your dreams away, and you hated feeling this way. You felt very out of place. Singing was your release of so many emotions and other things. How could you just stop, even just for a little while?

"I'm going to prescribe you medicine, it should help the healing process go faster. Also, here's a number for a therapist. They'll help you strengthen your vocal cords without straining anything,

"You shouldn't go right away, and let your throat heal a little more. Go in about a month and they can help you. That's if you follow my directions."

You sighed sadly at her words. Younghyun though was on the edge of his seat, listening to every word and all the helpful advice she was sending your way.

"Treat it as if you have a sore throat. Drink tons of liquids, specifically warm, talking must be minimum, and don't whisper; that makes it worse and can cause more hoarseness."

To say the least, you would try your headrest to right the urges to go against what she was saying. But overall, she was just trying to help you, and if you had people around you who could help, the more the better.

The walk to the car was quick, and you rushed ahead of Younghyun, hoping to avoid any form of conversation because you'd probably break down crying.

"She's not saying you're broken." He suddenly said, with his long arm, easily grabbing your elbow gently in his hand. "This can be healed. Take time off and rest."

"I know. But I don't want too."

[Oct. 22, 2019]

A whole month has gone by, and you were seeing results, you had been going to therapy, taking the medicine, and doing whatever the doctor had told you to do. Everything was going great so far. All you were waiting for was news about the concert and any possible cancelations, after all, it was coming up.

"Hey guys, I just got back from therapy and I have good news!" You called out through the band room, searching for your five other members who said they would be here today.

"That's amazing! What's the news?" Jae was the first to exit the recording studio, eyes glittering with curiosity as he plopped himself on a nearby chair

You slowed down, smile faltering as your eyes searched around the room for your boyfriend and three other members who seemed to be missing.

"Weren't we all supposed to me meet today?" You asked, gently tossing your bag and keys onto the couch near the door.

"Yeah, and we still are." He looked nervous about something, that much you could tell as you watched his cheery smile fall and disappear.

"Then where are the other four?"

"In the meeting room. We have to talk. It's pretty important." He stood from the chair and began guiding you towards the room in the back where you usually held "meetings".

You followed after the tall chicken little lookalike, all the whole worrying about what was to come.

"Is one of them sick?"

"No."

Your eyebrows furrowed, and your heart sped up. Stepping into the room you found yourself staring at the four other boys all sitting around a table, all the while accompanied by a girl with long straight burgundy colored hair, she was conversing with them all, and you were left confused. You had never seen her before.

"Then... did the concert get rescheduled?" Ignoring the girl you looked directly up at Jae, hoping he would just look at you and answer your question.

It took him a lot longer to answer than you thought for, but eventually, he did.

"We couldn't cancel or reschedule, the show was sold out." He explained, going to take one of the empty seats by Dowoon. "So... we have someone who can fill in; she'll only be temporary." He reassured most likely with the intention of keeping you calm and not worried.

"She can hit the same notes and has the same vocal range as you." The girl who looked about your age,

"You're replacing me?"

"No of course not!

"It's just for the few upcoming performances?"

"Performances? As in multiple?" Looking around the room, everyone's gazed on you seemed to be mimic one another's.

Jae even hesitated at first, he'd hurt your feelings.  "Yeah, our manager called earlier, and said a few companies want us to headline at their events."

"They're all happening within the next month."

"Oh.. I mean that's good news right?" You tried to sound happy, but in reality, you were jealous and angry, and you had every right to be, but you also felt that in a way you were being selfish.

But what you didn't know was that the new girl would seemingly be thought of as a new member months down the road and you'd be forgotten.

[pilgrimbenham]

Reformation Day (and the Five Solas)

Did you ever notice that our society celebrates everything?  In September alone we celebrated “Random Acts of Poetry Day” (September 6), “Video Games Day” (Sep 12), “White Chocolate Day” (September 22), “Punctuation Day” (Sep 24), and every parent’s favorite—“Quiet Day” (Sep 12).  Somehow my kids missed that last one.

But October 31--what many people celebrate as Halloween--should be remembered and celebrated by Protestant Christians, because it is the day we celebrate a huge moment--when a monumental change occurred in the church.

We call it "Reformation Day"--because on that day 502 years ago, a German monk, pastor and seminary professor named Martin Luther published 95 complaints against the Catholic church practice of selling reductions to the penalty of sin (called indulgences). In a sense, Luther had the boldness to share what the church should and shouldn't be.

What Was Wrong 

Imagine coming to church, but you don't learn to lean on the Bible and base your life accordingly--but instead you had to rely on tradition and opinion and just follow all the rules someone made up.

Imagine coming to church where the Gospel isn't preached. Ever.

Imagine coming to church where you could buy forgiveness. Literally.

Imagine coming to church and if you were put outside of the church--kicked out--that meant to them that you were literally going to hell. There was no salvation at that point—just the expectation of condemnation.

Imagine coming to church where the leader of the church was also a political ruler who was incredibly corrupt--so that all the church was doing was to generate money and was wicked to the core.

That was the condition of the Catholic church when Martin Luther nailed his 95 theses on the door of the church in Wittenberg.

Martin Luther wasn't the only one who felt this way. Many others were concerned with where the church had gone, and were desiring to come back to a place that honored God and that returned to the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

Five Big Ideas

The Reformers believed differently than the Catholic Church. They distilled their core beliefs into what we call the “Five Solas”.

Imagine you were asked to sum up your identity in five words. It sounds relatively easy--but try doing it. What if you had to distill your LinkedIn profile down to merely five identity describers—what words would you eliminate? How would you adjust your Instagram or Facebook profile, your Match or eHarmony profile (no I’m not judging), or your Tinder profile (ok now I’m judging). What five words would best characterize you?

I started thinking about words that describe me, and initially I thought this would be easy:

Father | Husband | Son | Brother | Pastor | Teacher | Church Planter | Friend | Apple Enthusiast | Star Wars Fan #episodenine | Left-Handed | Coffee, Bacon, and Donut Inspector | Child of God

Obviously that’s a lot more than five! Now imagine having to do that same exercise to sum up not your own personal identity, but all of orthodox Christianity--but you can only use five identity words. That's exactly what the Reformers did when they sought to distinguish themselves from Catholicism.

What are the foundations of the Gospel? What would be the pillars that are holding up the building, so to speak?

The Reformers wrestled with that question, in large part because the church at that time was broken. The Catholic church—whatever your thoughts are about it—was a mess at best, or absolute apostasy and a brainchild of Lucifer at worst, so essentially three things had happened.

Overly Traditional, Political, Comfortable

The church had gotten:

Overly traditional

Political

Comfortable

(Sadly, those three things are still plaguing the American church today, both in Catholicism and Protestantism. In fact, those are three things that will kill any church given enough time).

An overly traditional, political, and comfortable church can always look ahead for a season of reforming, and renewal. The Catholic church had departed from the foundations of the faith and believed many things outside of the Scriptures. They held tradition on par with the Bible. They believed there were other mediators through which sin could be forgiven or atoned for. They had a different take on how one is justified--made right--with God. The church itself was the dispenser of divine favor--so if you found yourself politically outside of the church for any reason, you were excluded from the divine favor of God.

Now enter the Reformers.

They wanted to get back to the basics, back to the pillars, and thus we have what are called the Five Solas of the Reformation. "Sola" of course means "only". The idea is that we need this alone for the basics, the pillars, the foundation, of the Gospel.

Christ | Scriptures | Grace | Faith | Glory of God

The message of the Protestant Reformation was that our faith is in Christ alone, revealed through the Scriptures alone, by grace alone, through faith alone, to the glory of God alone. 

Think about those for a moment:

Christ: the only Mediator Scriptures: the only Message Grace: the only Means Faith: the only Method Glory of God: the greatest Meaning

In the following five blog posts this month, we will unpack and explore each of these concepts in a deeper way. Shoreline Church, along with Northwest Bradenton Baptist, and Cornerstone Baptist of Sarasota, is excited to be hosting a:

“Night of Reformation: Celebrating the Five Solas” on Saturday, November 2nd at 6pm at The Port Coffee. RSVP on Facebook will be posted soon!

Consider these five solas for a moment: Christ Alone: Jesus is the only Mediator. Because Jesus is the sole meditator between God and man, salvation is possible only by His atoning death and triumphant resurrection.

Scripture Alone: The Bible is the only Message (or foundation). The Bible alone is the highest authority for governing issues of life and doctrine. We don't just listen to church tradition or the priest's opinions.

Grace Alone: Grace is the only Method. There isn't a special act or condition that man does to be saved--it is a sovereign act of God on behalf of sinners. It isn't birthright, but the grace of God.

Faith alone: Faith is the only Means. It isn't by works that we are saved, or through church attendance, but by faith in Jesus.

Glory of God Alone: The greatest Meaning, the greatest ambition. The purpose of our creation is to give glory to God. All glory and honor is due to God alone. We don't give glory to a man, a church, a denomination, a pope, etc. We give glory to God, and everything we do is for Him.

On October 31 every year, as children are dressing up in costumes, the Protestant church is praising God for the boldness of Luther and others, for the return to the Gospel and the importance of building our lives and doctrine from the Holy Scriptures. Every year we can celebrate by thanking God for the work of His Holy Spirit in reforming the church to honor Him and to share this message of reconciliation with a lost and needy world.

The Five Solas and Today

You and I who are born again are a part of a great tradition--but the church isn't done yet. Today we live in a time when the church today is falling into apostasy and compromise. The church didn't conquer Rome in the first millennia: no, Rome conquered the church. And today, it may not be Rome, but it is the philosophy of this age, the secular humanism and postmodern thought, coupled with a feel-good message that appeals to the senses and is soft on doctrine, that is conquering the church you and I are growing up in as a generation.

And yet, with every generation since Christ, it has taken bold men and women of the faith to stand up and be willing to speak truth even when there is great opposition. For centuries, people were silent as the church drifted further and further from God's design, and it finally took someone like Luther--and others--to stand up and stop it. Will you celebrate the Reformation with me by being absolutely sold out for the Gospel--being willing to die proclaiming the truth about Christ? Will you be willing to offer your life to the Lord and worship Him above yourself or others? Will someone stand up in this generation and live their life for God's glory alone, resting in the grace of God, trusting Christ, building their doctrine, hope and life upon the unchangeable word of God, walking an amazing and dangerous life of faith?

May we have the boldness of Luther to stand up among people of this generation and speak truth! When people who claim to be Christians try to stop or silence us, may we be willing to say alongside Martin Luther: I cannot and will not recant anything, for to go against conscience is neither right nor safe. Here I stand, I can do no other, so help me God. Amen.

Pastor Pilgrim Benham

Make plans to join us Saturday, November 2nd at 6pm for our Night of Reformation: Celebrating the Five Solas at The Port (4908 Lena Road #104, Bradenton, FL 34211).

[misbhaves]

neko twitch stream log; the final entry.

2018, FEBRUARY 3rd 04:07 AM. 

11.

The room was mostly dark, were it not for the neon lighting bathing itself across the walls, the cupboard, the bed in the corner and the silhouette of the petite hooded figure sitting bow-legged in a chair far too big for her. Between the length of her bangs that were falling into her eyes and the mask stretched over the lower half of her face, nothing was visible, but the feminine posturing and avatar seemed to do the job because not even ten minutes in and no words said and the number of people watching the stream had already jumped up to twenty. The first exhale she released was shaky, and her hands trembled around the XBOX controller in her hands. The viewer count went up and down sporadically as she tried to psych herself up, before, finally a soft voice began speaking: “K-konnichiwa, minna-san.” the girl gave a small bow with her head, the light washing over her concealed face creating shadows over the mask that almost indicated a facial expression. either a smile or a nervous laugh. “I-I’m Neko-chan. Pleased to meet you. Um. I’m a little shy, but I’ll do my best.”

After the first few encouraging comments poured in, her shoulders appeared to relax and her expression, too, or what was visible of it anyway. 

2018, AUG 21st 14:21 PM.

67K.

There was certainly something to be said about popularity, although all her peers repeatedly claimed it wasn’t that important. It was certainly a phrase Neko was guilty of saying, and often, in both languages. Even as she thanked her followers for each milestone she passed from her humble beginnings. Unlike the shy manner with which she had carried herself in her first few videos, she now opened her videos with more fanfire and open excitement. She hadn’t grown comfortable yet to take off her mask, but as she inched closer to the 500K follower mark, she had already decided to change that soon. 

“I-D-K how I feel about the Gamerscom trailer for DMC5. Personally, I’m not sure I really pictured Dante the way he’s been looking in the hyper-realistic rendering of his character,” The girl rambled, pausing only to give herself a sip of the gargantuan soda she had by her side, having to push the mask slightly upward over her mouth to do so. “Show my face?” She said, nearly choking on the soda in the process. “Just like Dante, I feel like the live-action is not going to live up to the anime drawings, you know?”

There was a voice off-camera, seemingly stealing her attention. “What, already?” She whined, before turning back to the camera. “Gotta run off for an IRL sidequest,” She huffed apologetically, setting aside her controller already. “Neko signing out. Ja ne!”

2018 SEP 2ND 16:45 PM.

127K.

“A-Ah, I’m nervous,” It was said daintily, her head ducked and voice shaky for the first time since her early days on the platform. There were already words of encouragement pouring in. Others were impatient, reminding that she had, in fact, promised that today would have been the day. An anxiety she didn’t know the birthplace of always knotted in her chest when it came to the prospect of allowing herself to be judged my others. It was strange. A sharp ache that felt defensive somehow. As if her body was shielding itself based on a previous rejection her mind could not remember.

Shaking hands came up to the tight cotton straps of the mask curved around her ears. “Um. I just want to say uh, I’m sorry if any of you are disappointed.” She mumbled quietly, breathing out shakily, painfully, before slowly unhooking the straps and lowering the mask off her face. 

Then, with one of her hands, she went ahead and pushed her bangs out of her eyes, too. “Konnichiwa, minna-san,” She said, mirroring her first ever greeting, comfortable with her mother-tongue. “It’s me. Neko-chan. Nice to meet you.”

Her cheeks were stained a deep red, her gaze averted so she wouldn’t be too tempted to look at the chat. “A-Anyway, I’m going to play Yakuza-0 first,” She said, fumbling for her controller. “I hope you guys enjoy.”

2019 APR 20TH 20:07PM

45K.

The video opened with royalty-free 8-bit music playing in the background of a dark room bathed in neon pink lighting. sitting cross-legged and hugged by a gaming chair a little too big for such a small person. Neko - a video-gaming streamer of some influence greeted her viewers with a classic ‘v’ sign.. “Hey demons, it’s ya girl, Neko, back at it again with a cringey youtuber intro. First off, good evening to all of you and special greetings to the moon which is out here killing it after the sun was way too hot today.”

The girl fanned herself dramatically, “Today, I was going to go out to see what new games I could buy, but since it was too hot to wear a mask, I just stayed home and continued playing Yakuza all day long. But then like an hour ago, it hit me that i was being a doofus and should at least let you guys play Yakuza with me. So, here we go, minna-san. just a girl, her bunnies and some sweet Japanese gang action.” Her nose wrinkled. “I already don’t wanna know what the chat is gonna be like after that poorly worded statement.” The camera jerked slightly as the girl moves closer, knocking her knee into something underneath the desk and making the desk shake as she jumped in place. “itai... sorry...” She was mumbling, one eye squeezed shut, then louder and more cheerfully, she continued, I fell down the stairs earlier today and I think I might have hurt my ankle, but it’s okay as long as I don’t touch it. an’ I accidentally kicked the CPU.” The screen split then, showing live-action gaming footage. “I-R-L is looking pretty crazy lately, guys. every time I go outside it’s like, I see someone else being collared and taken into a van. america land of the free, home of the brave my ASTEROIDS. What’s brave about going up to people with weapons that render them totally powerless and shackling them without giving them the chance of a fair fight? And like, for what crime anyway? For being born? No wonder so many of you Americans are always raving about going to Japan, because let me tell you, I know plenty of people - some very close to me - who are mutants and nobody cares.” Her fingers continued to rapidly tap away at the controller in her hands, her eyes focused on the game as she spoke.

“You know what I think? I think the mayor of this city is just intimidated. he’s too scared and insecure in his own ability to control a city where some of his civilians are stronger, or faster or smarter than he is.” With an uncharacteristically humourless laugh, she continued. “Boo hoo, Virgie, everyone in the world has to deal with the fact they’re inferior to someone else. It doesn’t give them the right to commit genocide. For Hitler , it was art school. who wants to take bets on what Virgie’s big old justification is?”

“Maybe he was bullied in school, or like a mutant stole his girlfriend, or - wow, what if like, he auditioned for the school play and a mutant stole his role and the guy of his dreams? You know... like Sharpay Evans, who deserved better. whatever it is. It doesn’t matter, because people go through bad, horrible things every day and they still make the choice to be good. I make the choice every day, that even if I’m capable of hurting the people who hurt me a hundred times worse, I won’t do it.”

Her voice was then accompanied by the sound of automated grunts and groans as she concentrated momentarily on the in-game killing she was providing her audience. “And I won’t let you do it either. So, if any of you out there are scared, don’t be. Find others like you and take shelter, because the more unified you are, the less power he has over you.”

After a pause, the girl giggled. “Or something like that. I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, sorry. Um, moving on... did any of you guys play the latest Yakuza? what did you think of it, I personally...”

2019 MAY 25TH 22:17PM.

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The steam begun with uncharacteristic silence, bereft of the tinny music the girl had been opening her streams with for the past five months, if not more. The room was the same, as was the chair, but there was something about the girl seated in it that seemed different. Haunted almost. The bruises on her youthful face had almost entirely faded, but they were enough cause for alarm amongst her fans, most of whom had flooded in after seeing her go live for the first time after a nearly month-long hiatus. 

“Hi, everyone,” She greeted in English first before repeating the same in Japanese. “Been a while, huh?” She folded her legs up onto her chair, spinning to and fro. “I haven’t been home in a while. There’s been a lot going down in the city I live in and... I haven’t been dealing with it well, honestly.” She reached up, pushing her hair behind her ear. “You know, I used to think that being a hero just meant doing the right thing, or saving the day. 

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Her nose wrinkled slightly. “But recently, I’ve come to realise it’s not that simple. Sometimes being a hero means not being able to save the day, but being able to send a message.” She cleared her throat, her fingers clenching around her knees. “Yesterday, there was a rally, in which dozens of mutants of various ages were kidnapped. Chained and carted away like cattle. Some of these people are my friends.” Her voice cracked on the last word.

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“And I have failed them.” She continued. “By being born someone privileged enough to have my status swept under the rug.” She bit into her lower lip. “While people like me rot in ... these pseudo-military bases and get tortured and prodded and experimented on as if it’s the second world war and we have learned nothing.”

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“And just like me, if you’re sitting at home and you’re doing nothing while this happens even though you have the power to do otherwise,” She continued, voice strained. “Then you’re just as bad. Just as cowardly.” With a shuddering breath, continued. “The time I’ve spent here, with you guys, will always be the happiest memories I’ll ever have. And maybe one day, I’ll come back and make some more. But, for now, I guess...” She shook out another sigh, reaching up to catch a traitor tear that slipped down her pale face. “I’ll have to be on this hiatus indefinitely.”

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“Because even if I don’t know how this fight is going to end... and even if I’m scared I,” She reached off-screen for something, and when her hand drew back it was holding a porcelain mask, shaped in the traditional Kitsune shape. “I can’t wait around expecting for things to just... get better.”

“And I can’t keep relying on friends or family anymore either, because in the end...” She trailed off, something about her expression breaking. “You never really know a person, do you?” Resolutely, she fastened her mask onto her face. “I can’t wait to be saved anymore.”

“I’m sorry, dad. But, in this story, the princess rescues herself.”

And just like that, the live stream ended abruptly. 

[sometimesalwaysmusic]

DEATHSTICKS

Deathsticks have been called 'controlled chaos', employing 'feedback, crashing drums, roaring power chords and screaming solos' to devastating effect. Personally, I hear elements of Death From Above and Pretty Girls Make Graves - doesn't matter, just listen to it, OK!? Transplanted from Peterborough, they have been destroying eardrums with their live shows and powerful releases, such as 2018's Deathsnacks and In The Motors. We spoke with guitarist Matt Post (MP). Check out their tunes, and a live show, if you'd be so lucky! 

VITALS

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/buysomedeathsticks/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/dethstyx/

Twitter: https://twitter.com/Deathsticksband

BandCamp: https://buysomedeathsticks.bandcamp.com/

Latest Release: In The Motors (Single, Sep 2018)

Upcoming Shows: Friday, May 10 - Gleneagle at CMW. Cherry Cola’s, Toronto, ON. Friday, May 17 - Deathsticks, Torpor, Death Ex, and more. Pressed, Ottawa, ON. Sunday, June 9 - SOTO FEST III. Off Peak Green Barn. Ottawa, ON.

SA: How did Deathsticks first start playing music together? MP: Deathsticks formed in late 2015, originally with Evan Moore on drums (now of Toronto band Blankscreen). Laura joined a couple months later and we played our first show with this lineup in Feb 2016. Laura and I grew up in Durham region, in Oshawa and Whitby, but started playing together because of the Peterborough music scene. Laura was in a band that I was a big fan of and I sort of became their roadie. We had a mutual respect for what we’d been working on separately and just got along well.

SA: What bands or musicians would you cite as the biggest influences on your sound? MP: We were definitely influenced by local Ontario bands when we first started out. I had seen some Toronto bands like Soupcans and New Fries, anything that was on like Telephone Explosion, Pleasance Records or Bruised Tongue in Ottawa was stuff I thought was cool and wanted to do something like that. Laura and I saw Holy Fuck together and I tried to rip off some of their vocal effects on the earlier Deathsticks recordings. The first Peterborough show I saw was at a fest Laura organized, noise veterans Nihilist Spasm Band played and also a local artist called Paulabulus. I didn’t really know you could make ambient/drone/noise music like that and saw that there was an audience for that kind of thing in the Peterborough community. More recently my friends bands like WLMRT and the London crowd around Isolation Party, Shoobies, Manager and Disleksick have helped guide me back to making music fun.

SA: Thus far in your career, what has been the band’s biggest success? MP: We’ve been 100% DIY, with no help from booking agents, larger labels, publicists, or producers who would shape our sound. Of course everything is harder this way and takes longer but at least we’re not looking at spending the next decade locked in a record contract or something for art we could just continue doing the way we want to, on our own.

SA: Conversely, what is the biggest challenge you have faced, and how have you dealt with it? MP: This past winter we recorded about an EP’s worth of material and just scrapped it. It was all getting to be too self-serious and un-fun guitar post punk whatever. I’ve gotten over the angrier direction we had in the past and am trying to make music that’s still light-hearted while also still being destructive and cathartic. It’s difficult to look at something you’ve made and decide not to release it, but it’s important for a band to be real with themselves and understand that not everything you make is automatically worth listening to. We’re moving on with different instrumentation and new ideas we’re more excited about, rather than go through the trouble of paying for vinyl or tapes of music we don’t even care about any more.

SA: How do you guys approach the song-writing process? MP: With great difficulty. Usually we get a song either on the first time we play it. or from like weeks of cutting down a longer jam session to its bare bones. As long as the songs end up being like 2 minutes long or less I’m happy, and as long as it’s catchy then Laura’s happy, I think.

SA: I understand you guys are transplants to Ottawa. What are your thoughts on the Ottawa music scene? MP: Ottawa has been kind to us. We just moved to the suburbs and that’s where it’s at. But we’re really grateful to have great venues like House of Targ, Pressed and Black Squirrel Books. Promotional things like Sitting on the Outside, Ottawa Showbox and Side By Side Weekend are showing the larger Canadian and international scene that Ottawa is worth playing and that there’s some great bands no matter what genre you’re into.

SA: What is your favourite show that the band has played, and why? MP: Our first show, but we spend way more time talking about our weirdest shows ever. We have a running list of strangest experiences and when you play hundreds of times across Canada in a lot of unconventional venues like ice cream parlors, people’s living rooms, or Chinese food restaurants (don’t worry none of those are the weirdest ones, those ones were all good) it’s more fun than just playing the same kind of bar all the time. If you put us on a bill literally anywhere we will play it and have a great time.

SA: Thus far in the band’s repertoire, what is your favourite track, and why? MP: I like whatever the newest song happens to be. Once I’ve played it a few dozen times I can get tired of it though. Some of the songs haven’t left the live set in the whole 3 years so far. People still respond to them, so they work. “Buzzkill” is definitely a fan favourite and it’s been the opening song for a couple years. I like playing “Fridge Nachos” I guess.

SA: Are Deathsticks cigarettes!? I feel like they’re cigarettes?!?! Are you guys fans/haters of NO FRILLS grocery stores? I can’t tell from the album art. MP: Deathsticks refers to Star Wars Episode 2: Attack of the Clones. In high school no one wanted to be in a band with me which is for the best but at the time I thought it would be funny to call a band Deathsticks because that band would be saying “you don’t want to buy this, you want to go home and rethink your life.” It still is funny.  

SA: What comes next for you guys in 2019? Good luck this coming year! MP: We’re going to tour the USA for the first time. We started a label called Not My Car so we’ve been working on releases for that. Our EP Deathsnacks just came out on 7-inch through the label, and we’re recording some other bands we like in our home studio. Not My Car is DIY label where I do all of the production and recording in-house. Most immediately we’re doing a lathe cut split with Disleksick aka London’s most dangerous band.

[sailingsoo]

December Overview

Monthly Drama Review: December 2018 Jan - Feb - Mar - Apr - May - Jun - Jul - Aug - Sep - Oct - Nov 

warning spoilers!

Completed:

Hymn of Death: I was really curious since it was based on a true story, turns out the male lead actually had kids so him jumping off the boat because he didn’t like his job was just? In all honesty, the person I felt the most pity for was the female lead and the wife. I loved how it was filmed though! 

Dance Sport Girls: I heard this was also based on a true story which made it even more realistic. It was a short drama, but they ended it perfectly. I love how it shows a slow healing relationship between the mother and daughter. It showed lots of perspectives too. The only thing I wanted was a happier ending for Hye Jin. One of my favorite dramas of all time, really everyone needs to watch this. 

Ongoing:

My Only One: It’s gotten better this month! I feel like we’re actually getting somewhere now that everything is settling in. I’m getting scared though, because we still haven’t reached the dad is a murder part. I’m pretty sure he was the one that “murdered” Da Ya’s father. Things have finally gotten better for Do Ran ugh. I heard they might add more episodes, but I don’t think it’s needed or else it will feel dragged. 

Dae Jang-Eum is Watching: I am this close this close to dropping this drama. It’s so cringy and Yuri could have done better than this show tbh. The only reason I’m watching it now is for the younger sister and her boyfriend’s story. 

The Last Empress: Things are getting spicy! Sure lots of the plot twists can be too much, but it’s definitely addicting. Despite hating Min Yura, I kind of don’t want her to go just quite yet. I want her to know the whole truth before she goes. The same for the mother and the emperor. Can’t wait for the ending where Oh Sunny revamps the entire constitutional monarchy. 

SKY Castle: One of my favorites ever. I heard it’s doing extremely well in Korea, so I hope even though it’s a bit controversial parents and students learn from this show. It seems we are at the point where none of the parents can do anything for their children with the exception of Soo Im’s family. Yeh Suh’s mind is already captivated by the Coach and although I hate her, this was just the way she was brought up. I hope she can change. I love Hye Na alot, but I really hope she doesn’t go to far. She deserves happiness and I hope Woo Joo and his family can help her more. There’s alot more I can write, but I’ll wait till the finale!

My Strange Hero: I love Son Soo Jeong’s character, but it just makes me so annoyed she ruined Bok Soo’s life just because she didn’t like the rumors spread about her and the fact that she waited 9 years to clear up this misunderstanding. Bok Soo is too soft for this, I cannot. Whatever, they’re both very cute together so I’m glad that this whole misunderstanding was cleared up in the end. Now for the revenge part. 

Memories of Alhambra: I don’t really know what is happening right now, but the cinematography is amazing. I need more Park Shin Hye tho. 

Dropped: 

Fluttering Warning: I just got really bored of it sorry /:

Less Than Evil: I wasn’t interested in it in the first place. 

Clean With a Passion For Now: I didn’t like the male lead, he just put me in a sour mood while watching. We are leaving angry men for no reason behind in 2018. 

Encounter: I tried watching the first episode, but I got bored. In my opinion there were more interesting dramas airing this month than this one despite have Park Bo Gum and Song Hye Ko

Fate and Furies: I liked the first two episodes, but again I was too caught up with the other airing dramas to continue. 

Upcoming:

The Crowned Clown: Not into historical dramas, probably will skip. 

Left-Handed Wife: Yeah I’m already watching My Only One, so I can’t deal with another 100 episode heart wrenching drama.

Best Chicken: The plot seems very simple, but will watch because I like chicken. Also, love that there are lots of new actors and actresses lately.

My Lawyer, Mr Jo: Not interested in at the moment. 

The Dragon King Protects: ^

Liver or Die: It looks really interesting, but I don’t know yet ahh. 

Touch Your Heart: Ah so they listened to the viewers and are giving us a Sunny and Grim Reaper centered romance. Wasn’t a big fan of Goblin, but I really liked when they focused on Sunny and the Grim Reaper, so I'm a little excited. I can’t say the same for the plot though. 

Spring Must Be Coming: I liked Room No. 9 with the whole body switching concept, but I don’t know if I’ll like this one. 

Romance is a Bonus Book: I don’t know sounds like a normal romcom. Maybe if I’m in the mood. 

[fionaapplerocks]

A few hours after her morning stroll, Apple, 28, sits in the lounge of the Mandarin Oriental hotel, her long hair damp from a shower and curled into a loose bun. Her eyes are so startlingly big and blue that a direct gaze almost feels accusatory. She's still in her trench coat, which she wears over a turquoise T-shirt and long black skirt. She made the mistake of having some coffee earlier and is a little shaky from the caffeine. She used to take medication for obsessive-compulsive disorder, but over the years, she's gotten better at handling stress. ''As frazzled and tired and kind of jittery as I am right now,'' she says with a smile, looking down at a trembling hand, ''I'm actually doing great and I'm very happy.''

After six years of silence, Fiona Apple finally reveals the real reason her mystery-shrouded ''Extraordinary Machine'' took so long By Karen Valby EW | Sep 23, 2005 

Fiona Apple knows how to take care of herself. She has to go for a long walk every day or she gets a little crazy. So on a recent morning in New York City, she woke up at 4:30, put on sneakers and a navy blue trench coat, and left her midtown hotel. She moved slowly with her hands stuffed in her pockets, listening to her new iPod on shuffle, and the music in her ears made her feel like she was wandering through a movie.

She walked through Central Park just before sunrise, the light soft and gauzy, with Elliott Smith singing 'In the Lost and Found.' She walked to the Cathedral of St. John the Divine, where as a child she sang in Christmas pageants. She walked all the way up by Columbia University to her mother's apartment building, where Apple was raped in a hallway by a stranger when she was 12 years old. She kept walking and eventually found herself in front of the Dwight School on 89th Street, where she once worked as a receptionist while attending night school. Here her iPod randomly settled on 'Pale September,' a ballad from Apple's first CD, 1996's aggressively confessional Tidal. Normally she freaks out and skips her own songs. But today, looking at the place where as a teen she jotted down some exquisite lyrics that jump-started a multiplatinum career, she forced herself to listen.

All these years later, and back to the beginning. Which is really the only place to start a story about the mercurial artist, who vanished from the music scene after the critically adored 1999 album When the Pawn... and told herself she'd never return. Six years later, her new record, Extraordinary Machine, which was supposedly shelved by her label, which in its early stages was mysteriously leaked to the Web, which inspired elaborate conspiracy theories and a fan-driven campaign to 'Free Fiona,' is coming out. And Fiona Apple is finally ready to set the record straight about why she went away, and why it was such a battle coming back.

A few hours after her morning stroll, Apple, 28, sits in the lounge of the Mandarin Oriental hotel, her long hair damp from a shower and curled into a loose bun. Her eyes are so startlingly big and blue that a direct gaze almost feels accusatory. She's still in her trench coat, which she wears over a turquoise T-shirt and long black skirt. She made the mistake of having some coffee earlier and is a little shaky from the caffeine. She used to take medication for obsessive-compulsive disorder, but over the years, she's gotten better at handling stress. 'As frazzled and tired and kind of jittery as I am right now,' she says with a smile, looking down at a trembling hand, 'I'm actually doing great and I'm very happy.'

She knows what people assume about her: 'That I'm crazy. Annoying. Bratty. Sullen. All the things that I definitely am sometimes.' (During a two-hour conversation, she's also funny, frank, and self-aware.) She blames these perceptions on the 1997 MTV Video Music Awards, where she was named Best New Artist. Fresh off her breakthrough 'Criminal' video, in which she crawled moodily around in her underwear, Apple delivered an acceptance speech full of regret and disgust, telling the stunned room that 'this world is bullshit!'

'I felt like it wasn't my music that had gotten me there,' she says today, 'and I felt very resentful of that and of myself for that. It had been so important to me to get to this point, to be in this crowd, and once I got there I saw it wasn't anything I could really feel proud of. I thought that even if I can't articulate what I'm feeling, if I don't get up and say what's on my mind then I never will. So when I finished I felt great. But you should have seen the cold shoulders I got backstage. It was the moment where I realized that I was in control and could say whatever I wanted to. That is not something that makes people you work with very comfortable.'

Another often-mentioned low point is Apple's public meltdown at New York's Roseland Ballroom during a February 2000 stop on her When the Pawn... tour. Complaining that she couldn't hear herself, she fled the stage mid-show in hysterical tears, and never returned. (At a makeup concert several months later, Apple apologized to the audience, saying 'You said you wanted me to be self-confessional; I thought you said selfish and unprofessional.')

Sick of the public life ('I was cast in the crazy role and I was perfect for it'), heartbroken by how misunderstood she felt ('to feel hated is really, really awful'), Apple went back to Los Angeles and dropped out of the spotlight. When she and her boyfriend of three years, Magnolia director Paul Thomas Anderson, broke up in 2001, Apple moved out of his place into a house in Venice Beach. Other than a twin mattress in the living room that served as both bed and sofa, three dog pillows for her stray pit-bull mix Janet, a boom-box radio, and a TV monitor for videos, she left her house unfurnished for nearly two years. Tell her this sounds incredibly sad and lonely, and she says it wasn't really. 'I had so many other people's voices in my head that I just needed to take away everything.'

She took walks, she read plays, and she watched movies. But mostly Apple just sat in silence out on her lawn. 'You can call it a very long-drawn-out day-to-day meditation,' she says. 'I went through a period where I had a razor blade and was carving things out of wood. I would just do that all day, sitting there and thinking.' (Ask Apple if she was high as a kite out there on the grass and she laughs and says no. She admits to a short drug phase, when she smoked pot every day, but that was before this.) Friends needled her, saying she was wasting time and needed to get back to songwriting. 'And I would be like, 'No, this is exactly what I need to be doing right now.' I just had to sit there and figure the f--- out who I was. I didn't have an appetite for music in any way.'

Apple was ready to retire. But Jon Brion, who played many of the instruments on Tidal and produced When the Pawn..., who's worked with everyone from Kanye West to Rufus Wainwright, wasn't prepared to let that happen. 'This is one of my favorite artists alive,' he says. 'She needs to be out there.' Brion would casually check in about her work when they met for their weekly Tuesday lunch at Hal's, a restaurant in Venice. 'Most of the time,' she remembers, 'it would just be as simple as 'Writin' anything?' 'Nope.'' They went on like this for a while, until Brion finally broke down in the spring of 2002 and told his friend that she simply couldn't give up on music. 'You should really, really, really, really do this,' he remembers pleading. 'You really need to do this, because most other people suck.'

Apple gathered together some pieces for songs, songs that she says she 'wouldn't have finished until I was 50 or 60,' if Brion hadn't gotten her out of the house. 'I did need a kick in the ass,' she says. The two moved into the Paramour, a 1920s Los Angeles mansion on four and a half acres of land, for a few months. She wrote and finished a bunch of songs, and they settled in to record Extraordinary Machine. And while Apple says that she's incredibly proud of the work she did there with Brion, she just wasn't happy enough with it to release it as her third album. She decided she wanted to give these songs another shot?with a different producer. 'I just wanted to explore,' she says. 'If I did this song a different way, what would it be like? It was like moving into my house again: I really didn't know what color fucking couch I wanted.'

'It's an artist's prerogative to change their mind,' says Brion (only two of his original recordings remain on the finished CD). 'It's an artist's prerogative to be unsure of themselves or of anything else. It's just not that big a deal. My concern from the get-go was that there be another Fiona Apple record. I don't need to have more records with my name on them.' So Brion introduced Apple to his friend Mike Elizondo, a producer best known for his work with Dr. Dre, Eminem, and 50 Cent. Elizondo started noodling around with the songs, adding his own beats. Apple loved what she heard and wanted more. She went back to Epic and asked for the money to rerecord her album with Elizondo.

But by this time, Epic had gotten a first listen to the Paramour recordings and, according to Apple and Brion, didn't like what they heard. 'They wanted 'Criminal 2' and everybody knows it,' says Brion. 'Come on, she's 10 years older now! I told them, 'You have to look at Fiona like you look at a Thom Yorke or Bjˆrk. We're living in a time where there's a lack of really forthright artists, and the ones who are ? people really care about them and they're going to be there for them.' And [the response] was pretty much, 'If she doesn't have a single, her career's going to be over.'' (Michele Anthony, COO of Epic parent company Sony Music, insists that Apple 'is a rare and special artist who puts out albums that are bodies of work. She is not an artist where you worry about whether there is a hit single.')

According to Apple, Epic then told her that she could rerecord the album one song at a time. If the label approved a track she deemed finished, she'd get the money to record another. (A label rep denies this was ever Epic's plan but acknowledges that 'many things were likely miscommunicated to Fiona during this time period.') 'I fucking smell a rat here,' Apple remembers thinking, 'because let's say I hand something in that I'm happy with. They're going to own something that now I'm really happy with, which they can shelve if they want, or they're going to tell me, 'We don't like it this way, why don't you change this?' And that would be the death of me. No one's ever told me how to write a song before.'

Apple, who calls herself a compulsive self-doubter, waffled over whether she should work under the constraints of what she understood to be Epic's new deal. 'Should I do it? Should I not do it?' Then she came to her senses. 'I remember very clearly sitting in my house, going outside, sitting on the step, calling my manager and saying 'I'm not going to do it, I'm not going to do any of it. Forget it.' So where everybody thinks [Epic] shelved the album, that is actually when I just said, 'I quit.' It was the only thing I thought I could do.'

She wasn't bluffing. 'You could call it brave if it had been some strategy,' says Apple of her decision to walk away from Extraordinary Machine. 'When I wasn't sure I could put out the album, it hurt but it didn't hurt. I figured, 'Oh, that's just what was supposed to happen. I'll just find a new place in the world.'' She had done some volunteer work with kids with emotional difficulties years before and loved it. Now she filled out an application to intern for an organization called Green Chimneys in upstate New York, which uses farm 'therapy' animals to help troubled kids.

But then, in June 2004, two songs from the Jon Brion sessions ? the title track and 'Better Version of Me' ? were leaked onto the Internet. (Apple, Brion, and Epic all vehemently deny being the source of the leak.) Fans, who'd been waiting since 1999 with growing frustration for new music from Apple, went into an uproar. 'I was not thrilled with the idea that there was Fiona Apple music out there that I couldn't listen to,' says 21-year-old Dave Muscato, a Columbia, Mo., musician who a few months later launched FreeFiona.com, a site devoted to rescuing Apple's music from purgatory. 'We decided to do something about it and get a petition going.'

Apple was visiting her mother in New York last January when her manager called and told her about a protest being staged in her name. Muscato, along with 45 other die-hard fans, were picketing outside Sony's Manhattan offices, demanding they release her album. 'I remember very clearly going into the back room of my mother's apartment and my sister was sitting at the computer,' says Apple. 'I said, 'Look up Free Fiona.' First I started laughing, saying, 'This is hilarious, people are protesting and I'm sitting on my ass watching reruns of Columbo. I'm not on the phone with my lawyers trying to get my album released, I'm applying to Green Chimneys!' And then I started crying because I really felt touched. It's an incredible feeling to feel like all these people who you don't know care about you. And it was bigger than me, it was about what was going on in the music industry and anybody deciding what's sellable. And then I started feeling guilty, because it wasn't the truth. The album hadn't really been shelved. What was I going to do, tell all these people to stop, tell them that I had done the quitting? But I quit because I felt that what was going to happen was what they thought was already happening.' (Sony says that they would never have shelved her CD. 'We would have put out any record that Fiona turned in to us as a finished album,' says Anthony.)

But while Apple thought she could walk away for good, the pull of her unfinished album sucked her back in. She reached out to her former manager Andy Slater, who now heads Capitol Records, and asked him to buy out her contract. But those plans were thwarted in March, when a Seattle radio DJ somehow got his hands on the entire album and played it on the air. Fans promptly spread it on the Web. 'I had just gotten a computer and I found out that Extraordinary Machine was on there,' says Apple. 'My heart started beating really fast. It really f---ed things up. It made it so that no one could buy out my contract, because the album's already been heard. And I also felt bad because whoever did this thought they were doing the right thing. Because everyone thought that the record had been shelved [by Sony]. So I was torn between feeling like 'Thank you!' and 'God, no!''

Ultimately, Apple credits all the press attention from the Free Fiona campaign for spooking her label into finally giving her the money and creative freedom to rerecord the album on her terms with Elizondo. In June of 2005, three years after she first started working on Extraordinary Machine, Apple and Elizondo spent five weeks rerecording the songs in his backyard studio outside of Los Angeles.

The Free Fiona message boards are rife with speculation that Apple and Brion had a falling-out, that Epic forced her to cannibalize her record, and that Elizondo was a lackey brought in to gloss up Brion's work. 'Her fans adore her,' says Elizondo. 'They adore Jon. There's such a relationship there. It's probably what Beatles fans felt like when they heard they were working with Phil Spector instead of George Martin. But hopefully now they'll understand there's many different ways to be creative and make records.'

Brion has less patience for fans clinging to conspiracy theories. 'I almost feel like, Hey, anybody who got [Apple's unreleased music] off the Internet ? I understand your interest in hearing it. But [the finished version] is what she's putting out. This is the person you dig and this is what she thinks is cool and get on that.'

These days, Apple's Venice Beach house is nice and cluttered. It's a home she says she loves too much to ever leave. (She still needs a real bed to replace her futon, and a dresser for all the clothes she keeps in bags in a guest room, but there's time for all that.) She's been playing gigs at the L.A. club Largo with Brion on the acoustic guitar and Elizondo on the upright bass. And she stands behind her new record, and also the early version that leaked this year. 'I would not have dealt with any of this bulls--- if I wasn't proud of the songs that I've written.' And Sony is, says Anthony, 'just so happy and excited for her that she's finally done and she's happy with the record.'

Early stories about Extraordinary Machine painted her label as the big bad corporation that pushed around a vulnerable little girl. In the end, isn't it nice to know that she herself did the pushing? 'I've been in the driver's seat throughout this,' Apple says. 'Sometimes not driving. Sometimes not actually moving. I was stalled for a long time, but I've definitely been in the driver's seat. And by the way, that's something I learned very early on by giving a certain speech [at the VMAs]. I can make these decisions and no one can force you to do anything. No one could have tied me up and they couldn't have made me sing. You can't squeeze the notes out of my throat.'

Ask Apple if she's thought about what she'll say if she wins at next year's VMAs, and she claps her hands and leans in conspiratorially. 'Not enough people would get it, so I would never do this. But there's a part of me that would really want to make a completely sweet speech and then at the end say, 'This world is bulls---!'' Her big eyes light up at the idea and she bursts out laughing. 'I just think it would be really funny if people were like, 'Oh, God. Not again.''

Source [x] via Wayback machine current truncated version on EW.com [x]

[jessica-goldenstars-blog]

[ENGTRANS][Analysis] ‘My two cents on Jessica’s exit from SNSD’

Original Author: 墨武 (Zhihu)

Eng-Trans: RI + Hannah97, Yee and CAI

Source: https://www.zhihu.com/question/25626185/answer/179775847

Please take out with full credits.

‘My two cents on Jessica’s exit from SNSD’

I came to know SNSD in 03/2016 and started being interested in K-Pop. I didn’t know much in the beginning, so I gathered more information as time passed. I’m a law student in university, so I suppose my logic and common sense can be considered acceptable. I compiled my information over a period of time. Why am I bringing this up? Because too many fans are very biased when it comes to this incident. Judging from the replies I got, it seems not many can reply without prejudice. Of course, this is completely normal, you’re too emotionally-invested in a person, and the situation became so complicated. Towards someone whom you’ve loved for so many years, how can you stop loving them just like that? You won’t trust other people’s words that easily too. Many fans can’t achieve it, the ability to be impartial, and to look at this as an onlooker.

I ask that you put away your prejudice for once, and face the truth.

-Revised on June 14-

This is not a zero-sum game; I posted this analysis with no ill intent, but to encourage healthy debate, and also to share my opinions with everyone. Perhaps I was too long-winded; many people didn’t have the patience to finish reading. Some got defensive and began interrogating me in the replies. This kind of people who reply without even finishing the article are unreasonable, let’s not even start on if you respect me; it seems you lack respect even for yourself.  You spent so much time leaving a reply that has been repeated excessively (like a broken record) by others. All you did was parrot other people, you do not have a mind of your own, and such debates are meaningless.

Two points to take note:

1) Not everyone who speaks up for Jessica is her fan, I was assumed as Jessica’s fan for the past few days, but in actual fact I am just a casual fan of SNSD. I’m not young anymore, and started getting into K-Pop late, by the time I know about them, SNSD was already incomplete. I wrote this article because my principle in life makes me want to get to the bottom of everything, and with my cautious observations, I finally posted this.

Since this article is strictly an analysis on motive and reason, I have left out the professional terminology. If you are only convinced by professional terminology, then I am sorry to disappoint. My analysis is just words from an ordinary person.

In my eyes, they (idols) are just like us, just that they are slightly older and survive in a more vicious environment, so they are ordinary people who are (supposedly) more mature. It’s not like they are politicians or moguls of some sort.

2) Not everyone who speaks up for Jessica assumes she is as innocent as a lamb. Some people who didn’t even bother to read the article started barking in the comments “Only Jessica is an innocent lamb, only Jessica can do no wrong, you think the whole world wants to harm her?”. Regardless of whose side you are on, my approach is that nobody is completely innocent. People who take sides are fans. To prevent people from ignoring my analysis, which defeats the purpose of this article, and also people who tries to steer everyone in the wrong direction, okay, I hereby provide a glossary, just scroll to whatever you want to read.

1- Was she forced out or did she leave on her own accord?

2- Why was she forced out? Political reasons vs. She deserved it vs. Member conflict vs. Agency’s motive?

3- 930 Protagonist and antagonist role in this incident, what triggered 930?

4- 930 Onlookers, analysis of Chinese SONES, and common misconceptions.

Lastly, happy 10th anniversary to SNSD, and happy 10th anniversary to Jessica Jung.

Note: I saw a comment saying they are OT8, and will always support all 8, then went on to say SNSD should disband since their future has already been hindered due to this incident, and they feel discouraged. Here is a verse for you (from The Quatrain of Seven Steps):

People burn the beanstalk to boil beans,

The beans in the pot cry out.

We are born of the same root,

Why should we hound each other to death with such impatience?

1- Was she forced out? Vs. She left on her own accord?

Firstly let’s compare the official statements from both sides; any declaratives and statements not from the persons directly concerned cannot be assumed as legitimate material. Timeline of the published official statements as below:

Sep 30, 2014 at 5:00AM, Jessica made her stance on her WEIBO.

Sep 30, 2014 at 1:00PM, SM’s PR department released their official statement.

Oct 01, 2014 at 10:00AM, Jessica released her official statement.

In both Jessica and SM’s official statements, even though they focus on different points, both includes a fact that  coincides across both statements and cannot be ignored, as Jessica stated “without a proper reason, I received a one-sided notification to leave SNSD”, SM’s official statement stated “the agency had no choice but to pull up SNSD’s activities as 8 members earlier than planned”.

Everyone should have heard of ‘Rashomon’ (Rashomon 羅生門 is a 1950 Japanese film that is known for a plot device that involves various characters providing alternative, self-serving and contradictory versions of the same incident.), the same incident, with different people of different standpoints have contradictory ways of saying things, but things like fundamental truths can neither be changed nor erased. We received the message loud and clear on September 30, the agency did serve a notice to Jessica informing her that SNSD will move forward as an 8-member group, this is a fact.

So why is it that the fans in Korea curse with hatred at the mention of Jessica, instead of blaming the agency for breaking the group apart? Why did they not continue to support Jessica in her entertainment career?

That is because someone misled all of us by shifting the blame and the source of the problem for this incident onto the members and Jessica. SM’s official statement stated “this coming Spring, she notified us she will halt her team promotions”. Shortly after, ‘Korea’s #1 Paparazzi’ Dispatch released the infamous ‘insider Q&A’, 2 persons (allegedly close to Jessica) who were unwilling to disclose their identities, were interviewed. They revealed that Jessica is no longer part of the group because she said she intended to leave the group on 2 occasions with plans to get married. Those who are familiar with K-entertainment all know that K-fans detest dating scandals the most, there are many cases where they stopped being a fan and backstabbed the idol in return. Hence, the image of a selfish person who only cares about developing her own career and intends to get married to her boyfriend was formed in Korean citizens’ minds. The extent of the damage caused by this ‘created image’ is severe, 3 years later and Koreans are still leaving comments citing this ‘selfish person who only cares about her own career and intends to get married to her boyfriend’ as an excuse. Did everyone realize something? That’s right, it’s been 3 years, and they still come up with the exact same arguments, because the accusations failed to come true, so the rumors are stuck at where it started. But why do we have people taking 2 different sides, 1 group sees eye to eye with the Koreans, and the other group thinks that she was indeed a victim who got forced out. I’m not sure if the comments represent the majority, but my friends have the same conclusion as me, that Jessica was indeed forced out.

Here are a few reasons, firstly why are there different opinions in 2 countries? Because we (China) don’t have SM, we don’t have the Big-3 agencies that dominate and monopolize the market, we don’t have controversies formed by a powerful agency that refuses to let you off easy even if you dissolved your contract amicably. As I mentioned earlier, if someone like Dispatch, a top paparazzi with high publicity, reports negatively on an idol , will you believe them? Honestly, fans excluded, onlookers will likely go along with what Dispatch reports, this is also why many fans keep clarifying matters in the comment section of such reports. Fans persevered and continued clarifying even if it’s counterproductive, because by doing so, there is still a 1% chance that people may be enlightened and have a clearer grasp of the situation. If you stay silent, you have a 0% chance of turning things around. Which means, it may just be true for those who say “you think a local like me wouldn’t know our country’s celebrities better than you, a foreigner?”, you are right, you really don’t. The Korean society is weird, they condemn a person without even giving them a chance to speak up for themselves, and fans have no platform to explain matters. They only have one-sided information released by a big agency to the media, and with such ways of handling matters, it’s hard for me to not think you are the villain here. This leads to a repeated rumor being taken as truth, and this is dreadful.

Moreover, having the intent to kill but not actually fulfilling the act does not make you guilty legally, but in the vicious entertainment industry, even having such intent equates to the death penalty. So there must be a purpose behind this intent right? Before we discuss about the purpose, I discovered another interesting point, SM stated “This spring, Jessica said she would stop group activities”. Spring could be either March, April, or May. In Dispatch’s famous ‘insider Q&A’, they mentioned that Jessica said she wanted to leave the group twice, once in January, and a 2nd time in July. Here comes my question, so which month was it exactly? Was it Spring, or was it Summer? Or SM’s idea of Spring stretches from January to July? No? So who was lying? Was it SM’s official statement, or was it the ‘insiders’ invited by Dispatch who were lying?

We should all agree on one fact, either a person actually thinking of doing something or a person actually acting out on their thoughts, are driven by a purpose and motivation. Let’s assume that since Jessica had intended to quit the group, or even mentioned about wanting to quit the group, means she must have the desire to do so. How did this desire come about in the first place? Such desires usually entail benefits to oneself, and I believe nobody would desire something that causes harm to themselves. Then was there a dire need for Jessica to quit the group that year? What caused her to have a desire to quit the group that year? I personally think she had even more reason to want to stay in the group that year.

I hereby provide 4 pieces of evidence, the first 2 will focus on Jessica’s personal reasons, the other 2 will focus on external factors. Firstly, Jessica belonged to the bottom half of the group in terms of personal schedules she had since the second half of 2011, even the leader of TaeTiSeo mentioned during their subunit interview that Jessica had  only been “practically living in the photoshoot studio”. You can find the comparison chart for personal schedules of all 9 members in freesouls bar. In comparison, the amount of personal schedules Jessica had in 2014 was more than her past 2 years’ combined. Not forgetting to mention the Jungsis subunit that SM had wanted to promote but was shelved, such important projects couldn’t have been put together within a week or two. So what reason does Jessica have to take such a huge risk now, to discard all the benefits that she was about to reap, to the extent of quitting the group no matter what? Some people say she doesn’t care, she just felt like quitting and so what, she is such a person who doesn’t care about anything. But the audio from their dance practice was leaked proving that they did record a song together, preparation for a season 2 of Jessica & Krystal’s reality show was also reported in the news. Will a person who simply don’t care be so enthusiastic in a project? Will you put in so much effort to practice again and again, only to give up on the actual day of the exam? I am sure you will not be happy at the thought of it, after all everyone loves to measure success based on results.

Secondly, in terms of career development, Jessica launched her brand in August after a series of preparation, she also mentioned in her official statement that she had informed the members beforehand, including all her future plans. Hello people, launching a brand is not a piece of cake, she must have prepared for a long time and her company only just started, and this is just an ‘insurance’ for her idol career. When you are part of a top girl group like SNSD where you can reap the fruits of your labor, she chose fashion as her future ‘insurance’, something she is familiar with and good at. Honestly, this ‘insurance’ is still at its early stages, so was there a need to sever all ties with such a strong backing when nothing has taken shape yet? Realistically speaking, even the most powerful backing does not belong to you in the end. In the real world, you can work with others but never ever rely on them completely. She is not an underaged teen who thinks the world is filled with only good people, she has lived for 25 years and survived in the entertainment industry for 14 years (2014), will she be such an idiot to sever all ties with a powerful backing and have nothing to fall back on, just to go start on a new venture?

Thirdly, in terms of SNSD’s career development, 2014 marks SNSD’s 7th year in the industry and they can be considered an unbeatable girl group, even though I think they are already on their decline, everything that goes up must come down. Anyway their decline is not that obvious and it doesn’t matter even if they are on their way down, since they have found success thanks to the contribution of all 9 members, what they need to do now is to take their share of the pie and have their taste of success. A group that has seen success internationally and reached their peak can only do so much now. Many people say SNSD still has potential but I beg to differ, because you have already reached your peak and so the public no longer anticipates what other surprises you can bring. Their only concern is that this group is at its peak. This is a dead end for many superstars, how much popularity is enough? Where is the peak? When the public no longer look forward to what you can achieve, when they are no longer curious about what you can bring to the table, the so-called popularity will start to wane, and what you are left with is only the nation’s approval. Perhaps you will say that I am contradicting myself but think carefully, are the younger generation and the previous generation supporting the same idols? The people that the previous generation supports has attained the nation’s approval, and the younger generation go for popularity, what matters is “volume”. SNSD’s potential has been gradually declining since 2014, but this works in the members’ favor instead, this means the members can begin distinguishing themselves from the group since the group has already reached its peak. They can have their own identity and not just be SNSD’s so and so. This is what I meant by tasting their share of the pie. It is obvious that SNSD is already going down that route, and we hardly see group performances by SNSD anymore, partly due to commercial and personal reasons. Since they have endured the early days where their articles were filled with malicious comments, where their every move was being monitored and scrutinized, does it sound logical to you for someone to leave the group when it’s time to enjoy the benefits and honor that the ‘brand name (SNSD)’ gives? Put yourself in this situation, you suffered 6 years of cursings, and people finally start to compliment you, then out of a sudden you tell everyone that it’s better if they continue to curse you, you can take it. This is impossible. (What in the world???)

Fourthly, Jessica’s agency SM, SM’s background and history, an agency that blocks even artistes who dissolved their contract amicably. Why is SM so harsh towards their previous artistes? Of course it’s just so they can demonstrate their power. ‘In this entertainment industry, I am God, you want to leave me? Don’t even think about it.’ You must be joking if you think Jessica didn’t anticipate SM’s tyrannical ways. She was a trainee for 7 years and had been in SNSD for 7 years, she clearly knows what happened to members who left H.O.T, Shinhwa, DBSK, and Super Junior. Even a person in any normal situation knows what risk assessment is, and when the risk is obviously greater than the benefit for whatever you want to do, any sane person would either give up the idea, or wait it out. Why is it that most Koreans renew their contract with SM? You have already been warned, ‘if we are not going to be in the same boat, then you can prepare to sink.’ Even if you are not contented, but as long as you still want to survive, you have no choice but to continue with this agency. What can you do? Of course you have to learn to forgive them. Because if you refuse to, they will not let you off. You can’t say that their staff and their management are heartless, you can only blame the agency for being ruthless. In this economically-driven world, to maintain their dominance, they will only continue to be so oppressive. You should have expected this when you chose them in the first place.

With such a powerful backing (or threat), and with her future shining so brightly, the argument of her ‘wanting to leave the group’ is no longer valid. Nobody would want to leave without tasting a bite of the pie they (spent so many years to) bake. Jessica, a member who contributed to SNSD’s success obviously wants to enjoy her share of the pie.

Therefore, saying she left the group on her own accord is completely ridiculous. Of course, such excuses started from the Koreans who were brainwashed by the media. Actually most of the SONES in China agreed that she was indeed forced out. Like they always say “I really don’t understand Golden Stars, your idol was fired and you still have the cheek to keep bringing it up”. It’s true that being forced out is somewhat like getting fired, but they are of different nature. I can’t help but feel bitter whenever people say that, because they are implying that SNSD are just colleagues rather than friends. This is as far as their group spirit goes, and will be evident in their future comebacks.

2- Why was she forced out? Political reasons vs. She deserved it vs. Member conflict vs. Agency’s motive?

Even when everyone agrees that she was forced out, why do people keep bringing this subject up? What I have listed are the more plausible reasons, I chose not to list some of the more ridiculous arguments that are obviously from brainless antis. I advise everyone to just have a good laugh and let it go when you come across those people with such great imagination.

Firstly, some people said that ‘930’ was a deflection for political scandals. I will like to call someone out.

“Politics!”

“What?!”

“There’s a (scape)goat for you, please acknowledge it.”

“Go to hell, I don’t want it.”

Politics: “I don’t want to be the scapegoat, thanks.”

Korea is undoubtedly small, let alone South Korea, it’s nothing out of the ordinary for politics and entertainment to cross paths, but not everything from drunk-driving to drug-abuse to small issues like leaving a group or dating scandals are always used to cover political scandals. Think about it, if you are a Korean, would you care more about the news of an idol (who holds a lowly status in Korean society), or a political scandal? We are talking about a country who has the guts to impeach their president and put her on trial. Everytime I see a fan say “‘Pinocchio’ was used to cover a political scandal”, “You are siding with the wrong party”, I just want to laugh. You think you are the only one who watched ‘Pinocchio’, you think you are the only one who watches the news, you think you are the only one who knows whose side they are on? Even the 5 leading organizations will not dare to take sides easily, let alone entertainment agencies. Whose side did Samsung take? I realized something when I read the ‘Twenty-Four Histories’. The typical scenario of an aristocratic family was that the elder brother would be the proposition, and the younger brother would be the opposition, they would always be at loggerheads. Why did that happen though? That is to prevent a genocide. (Author quoted a scenario of Zhuge Liang from ‘The Three Kingdoms’, research if you want to know more) Using the same logic, a company in our economically-driven society is only interested in a mutually-beneficial business relationship to ensure the company does not collapse.

Can’t you see, the South Korean president has gone through multiple setbacks, but yet the 5 leading organizations are still standing strong?

No doubt the Big-3 entertainment agencies are tools, but if we are talking about taking sides politically, then I’m sorry to tell you they are not that influential. So for those who said the series of incidents that happened to SM in 2014 were actually collateral damage to cover up political scandals, then perhaps you are overthinking this.

Why were there multiple dating scandals from SNSD that were reported that year? First and foremost, they are indeed no longer young and innocent girls, so it’s not surprising that they are in relationships too. On the other hand, media and entertainment agencies  have always had a love-hate relationship, whoever has the most lucrative offer wins. Since they are no longer the young and innocent girls like before, it’s only natural that SM loosens their leash and gives them a little more leeway. Anyway they are already the nation’s girl group, and scandals like these are not going to jeopardize their position. So they no longer see the need to bribe the media in order to stop them from publishing such photos. This is a moneymaking agency who is very realistic and calculative, so they find no need to make such ‘investments’(bribery) anymore.

Since the ‘political reason’ excuse is busted, does that mean Jessica paved the way to her own downfall, and that she deserved it? There is one reason that was stated in SM’s official statement that makes me not know whether to laugh or cry, and it is no wonder Jessica found it unreasonable as well. “No-show for events”, I have seen the information compiled by fans with regards to Jessica’s attendance for all group events, and from the start of 2014 to the month of September; this may sound embarrassing; but their accusation is completely unfounded. Perhaps SM realized they messed up too. We are talking about public events here, and everyone can see for themselves. You can’t make it go away simply by saying it doesn’t exist. Afterall, fans are not blind. So SM came up with a befuddling reason in an attempt to confuse people. “Personal schedules clashed with group activities”, this leaves an extensive room for debate because it includes practices, and how can fans possibly verify their attendance for practices (behind closed doors)? It’s not like you can follow them around as if you are their assistant or manager. Who knows they might even practice after meeting up for a meal together, so by missing the dinner gathering, they can say you were absent for practice too. Such befuddling reasons misled people into thinking Jessica deserved whatever happened to her because she was asking for it. Blindly assuming she ignored group activities and only cared about her own business, that she is so selfish, and it’s a good thing she left. Even if she did not leave the group voluntarily, thank God the agency forced her out, she deserved to be kicked out. Okay, let’s take a moment and use our brains now, what was the message that SM’s official statement was trying to convey?

“Yes, I intended to inform everyone that SNSD will proceed with their activities as 8 from now on, but I didn’t expect her to speak up first, so you can’t blame me, blame it on her for thinking about leaving in Spring, I advised her against it but realized it was futile, so I kicked her out, yes it was a decision by both the members and myself, so don’t blame this on me alone.”

SM’s official statement was actually saying; members of boy groups can go on a hiatus for 2 years (due to the need to serve in the army) and not get forced out, and members of girl groups can skip group activities due to their participation in musicals, tv-dramas, or because of health reasons, and a plethora of other excuses; their attendance is dependent on their personal schedules that could last a day or two or could even be as long as 3 to 4 months, it is alright to skip activities because I will just overlook it. BUT dear Jessica, within the span of 1 month from the day you launched your personal business, you have missed practices, take note it’s just practices since we didn’t witness Jessica missing any public events, but my apologies, please withdraw from the group, you are no longer a member.

You said Jessica was going to leave in Spring, what was your motive for advising her against it then? To make sure SNSD stays complete, am I right? But within the brief span of 1 month, you changed the course of direction for the person whom you painstakingly tried to retain, and discarded the whole idea of a complete group, oh, with such a huge loophole, tell me, are you even serious?

(It will be perfect if they were to release such an official statement 1 year later (after putting her on hiatus), because Jessica would have played straight into their hands and missed many activities, and then it would seem more rightful for them to withdraw her from the group, citing ‘no-show for multiple activities’ as a reason. There could be another frightening possibility, and that is the official statement was meant to be released in 2015 but Jessica spoke up first unfortunately, which explains the part where they said Jessica was going to leave after 1 more album in the ‘Dispatch Q&A’. Because that will make perfect sense since <Catch Me If You Can> was released in the later part of 2014 and that will seemingly be Jessica’s final single with the group as planned. SM certainly put a lot of thought into it. It seems like they failed to edit the ‘Dispatch 18 Q&A’ though, no wonder it didn’t make any sense when I came across the part where they said she will leave after releasing 1 last album with the group.)

The above bracketed paragraph is solely based on the author’s own logic and conclusion, it is up to you to believe it or not. It’s a pity we failed to notice SM’s schemes.

SM’s official statement was actually very short, because the ‘Dispatch Q&A’ had spoken everything on their behalf. What they wanted to portray was that they had tried everything they could but failed to salvage the situation, and they wanted people to believe that “Jessica’s withdrawal had absolutely nothing to do with them.”

This is a very common PR tactic; all we wanted was an explanation, but they had to drag you into the gutter, honestly, did you think all of us are as gullible as a 3 year old kid, I explicitly asked you about the weather today but you tell me the weather forecast indicates that the weather is beautiful in Spring so the weather is not bad today? Where is the correlation?

So what was SM’s role in this ‘930’ incident? In my opinion, they were the mastermind. But I feel that they are the executors and not the initiators. Firstly, all members renewed their contracts in August 2014, even though they are one of the biggest entertainment agencies, SNSD is still their top girl group and it consists of 9 women who have clawed their way to the top for the past 10’ish years. What if they decide to up and leave together if their demands are not met? It is during this time that Jessica wrote up a new contract with SM. It is impossible that SM wouldn’t evaluate her brand first. So what should they base their evaluation on? Obviously it will be evaluated based on the brand’s future value and revenue. Jessica had indeed paid the necessary fees to SM and in other words, they reached a mutual agreement. This also meant that SM expected to reap profits from Jessica’s brand. The bigger her brand gets, the better for SM, and they can reap profits without having to move a finger. This is an additional source of revenue for them, and if all things go well, they can even invest in her brand and become a shareholder at a low-entry price. Who wouldn’t want that? It would be such a waste not to. Businessmen are opportunistic and will never let such an opportunity slip away, it’s in their nature. So for those who said SM got frightened after learning how Jessica intended to scale her business, you probably thought SM is the fruit stall near your house that got their guts eaten alive. There was a legal agreement, do you take SM’s lawyers for fools who didn’t analyze the potential profit before letting SM sign the contract? Seems like you are undermining SM’s capabilities. Jessica’s ‘Blanc & Eclare’ shades also appeared in a movie produced by SM, which further proves that they did enter an agreement.

During that time, the person who held the authority to make decisions caused the ‘930 incident’ to happen, to a certain extent. The person in power at that time was Kim Young Min who was appointed the president a long time ago, but the soul of SM has always been Lee Soo Man who is also the biggest shareholder. But the docile president was finally given the chance to make a decision on his own in 2014. Lee Soo Man’s wife was critically ill then, and due to the inevitable internal power struggle, he was left with no choice but to loosen his tight reign over Kim Young Min temporarily. Kim Young Min would obviously do whatever he deemed fit against better judgement. Their artistes has no affection towards Kim Young Min, unlike for Lee Soo Man whom they address as their ‘seonsaengnim’ (teacher) because they were brought into the industry by him. If Lee Soo Man had been the one in power instead of Kim Young Min when conflicts occurred among members, he might have held the respect and ability to appease their anxiety, so that they would have waited patiently instead of making rash decisions. He would have taken a better approach and advise Jessica more appropriately when she asked for the go-ahead for her business, giving possibility to a positive outcome with regards to the earlier negotiations that have reached stalemate. Most importantly, Lee Soo Man would have had a better grasp of Jessica’s temperament and know that she is different from his other money-making machines who are obedient and whom he has wrapped around his finger. He would have known that Jessica is no pushover and cannot be easily influenced and accused for breach of contract, instead of simply devising a ‘perfect’ set-up (first citing health reasons; then absence from group activities; then dating scandal; end up leaving the group) thinking Jessica will comply obediently and they can get away with it.

Everyone should be familiar with this set-up. Yes, Sulli went through it. I am not going to judge Sulli but I just think such a set-up works indeed. At least in our hearts, f(x) should be a group of 4, the perfect 4. If Jessica hadn’t spoken up first, will the outcome be different with a similar set-up? SNSD would be a group of 8, it would make sense and everything would seem fine. Of course Jessica will still be the scapegoat, and SM will continue to profit. This outcome is absolutely perfect.

The upper management’s role here is to watch them attack each other, then turn the tide in their favor. This will be the best of both worlds for them. SM always has a fall back plan. In their official statement and subsequent arrangements, their intention was to make Jessica stay so they can share the profits equally. Honestly, SM would have been the biggest winner if Jessica had stayed in the company (after being forced out). They would have rights to Jessica’s personal fashion brand, and they could have benefitted from all the publicity from the ‘930’ saga. SNSD would return in a new form as 8 and bring a breath of fresh air to the public eye. Jessica would continue raking in revenue and they can get free publicity by mentioning Jessica - a former SNSD member, every now and then, with no consequence. Even though they are doing it now, it’s still rather inconvenient. For example, a MV conveniently leaked by an anonymous fan (e.g. Catch Me If You Can). They would have violated Jessica’s rights if they had spread that MV via their official platform instead, and Jessica would have to be compensated.

But Jessica was adamant about leaving and SM lost the opportunity to enjoy the best of both worlds. Nonetheless, Jessica was made the scapegoat successfully and she didn’t sue SM for breach of contract, so the company still won. The reason why SM was so confident was because Krystal is still under SM, and it was impossible to go hostile with SM as long as she still wanted to pursue an entertainment career, and also unless she couldn’t care less about Krystal’s future anymore. Some people said that Jessica was able to dissolve her contract with SM amicably because SM didn’t want her anymore. You must be horribly mistaken because SM still cared enough to assign a team of staff to Jessica even for her personal schedules, right until her contract was dissolved. So rather than saying SM didn’t want Jessica anymore, the more logical explanation would be that the contract was dissolved because a mutual consensus was reached after much deliberation that by doing so was the most mutually-beneficial approach. SM agreed to dissolve her contract because they were the ones who breached the contract this time. The reason why SM persecuted the people who left their company was because this group of people did violate their contract. Whereas for Jessica’s case, SM was in the wrong and since they did not have the upperhand, they were wise to not pursue this issue because the possibility of them winning this lawsuit is slim. And Jessica chose to end the contract amicably because she didn’t want to remain in such a company and also because Krystal is still under them. I am not mentioning Krystal on purpose but because it shouldn’t come as a surprise for real sisters to spare a thought for each other. If Jessica’s departure from the group didn’t affect Krystal at all, she would have appeared in SMTown’s ending stages. 3 years later today, after multiple SMTown concerts, Krystal still has not appear a single time. You can consider it a coincidence if it’s once or twice, but not if it’s everytime. It’s simply because she can’t bring herself to.

Finally, let’s talk about whether conflicts occurred among the members. As the saying goes “to stay together through thick and thin”, this is easier said than done, and hard times will always reveal true friends. It’s true they have gone through hard times together before, but it’s a different situation altogether now that they have reached their peak.

Imagine this scenario: 9 girls who reached their peak through mutual support; everyone starts to plan for their own future, and upon discussion some say they will work even harder to become the number 1 K-Pop idol; then Jessica tells the members about her grand plan, “I want to start a company, and I’m going to overtake you guys by working twice as hard”. This is definitely shocking news for the rest, “Eh, but you didn’t have any ambitions before? Why are you so motivated and driven all of a sudden?”

“Yes I’ve changed, you guys have a problem with it? I’m going to start working much harder. I’ve spent year after year without jobs allocated to me, this cannot go on anymore, can’t I start living my life without regrets from now on?”

“NO. Absolutely NOT.” I’m not sure if you have experienced it before but it happened to me. I’m generally an easy-going person and it’s not because I don’t care, but it’s simply because I don’t want others to feel threatened by thinking I’m trying to snatch anything away from them. Call me stubborn but I want to be appreciated by my superiors based on my own merits. Jessica was in SNSD for 7 years, it’s hard to believe she has no ambition at all. She trained for 7 long years, and she wouldn’t have been able to persevere if she hadn’t dreamed of success. Would she have been able to persevere if she didn’t have the passion for singing? But when she didn’t make the cut and was not selected to be part of SNSD’s subunit in 2012, her position as 2nd lead vocalist was clearly threatened. TTS comes to mind whenever people mention SNSD’s vocal line, but where was Jessica? There was no Jessica. If I put myself in her shoes, knowing that I obviously love singing, knowing that I obviously should have gotten it, and knowing that I obviously should have been acknowledged, but I was forgotten instead. You can only imagine how dejected she would have been. I can completely understand her reason for wanting to work something out for herself, but that doesn’t mean everyone else would understand or even see eye-to-eye with her.

Take me for example. I was lazy during my high school days, but suddenly realize I couldn’t go on like this during my 3rd year, so I started working very hard. But my best friend turned against me and her reason was, “why did you become so serious suddenly? I feel uncomfortable being around you, being your friend makes me feel so stressed out now.”

I was disgusted. You were always working hard whereas all I did was laze around previously, and now that I’ve started working hard, you suddenly think I got too serious? You already feel threatened even before I started working hard?

I experienced this first hand so I can understand the situation perfectly, and especially after I read Jessica’s official statement. I’m not trying to point fingers, but we tend to evaluate our friends. We are used to having friends being worse off or equal, but never better than us. Especially if said friend used to be a lazy person who suddenly decided to work hard. The anxiety and fear caused by this sudden revelation is enough to send you into a state of panic.  

That is exactly what Jessica did, she sent her 8 members into a state of panic, and they could have kept their annoyance to themselves, but someone decided to aggravate the issue. Once it was brought up and pondered over, the situation turned for the worse. They convinced themselves that her decision would affect the group instead of it being about their own fear of knowing she was going to have a brighter future than them. It’s easy to come up with a bunch of bollocks as excuses since you can’t speak about your toxic thoughts. Like my friend who said “You’ve changed, you didn’t used to care about your future”. Of course I needed to change, because if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have a future. Are you telling me this was what my friend wanted me to be? A useless bum?

Jessica must have been so traumatized when the members made her choose between SNSD and her business. “We reached a mutual understanding after discussing about it, you guys even congratulated me, so why is it that you guys are forcing me to choose now?” Jessica has her ‘character flaws’ and it shown at this time, she is too iron-willed, stubborn, and it feels almost impossible to get her to back down. The more you threaten and force her to yield, the tougher she becomes. Her inability to come to terms with their sudden change of mind and the members’ unwillingness to compromise led to this fight. SM chose to watch silently and not act as a mediator in this fight since they will anger the other party if they were to pick sides, so they let them work it out among themselves.

It’s such a shame that something like this happened to SNSD when it’s time to enjoy their success. The members probably held numerous meetings among their respective cliques. The more they thought about it, the more ridiculous it seemed to them. The more publicity her brand got, the more absurd it felt. The more they understood the scale of her ambition, the more panicky they got. This kind of panic wasn’t jealousy, it was simply because they couldn’t get used to this supposedly ‘new and improved’ Jessica, and also partly stemmed from their own selfishness. “I can stay beside you forever, but, you cannot ever surpass me, especially not materialistically.” When the members demanded Jessica to stop all her plans, Jessica said she already invested heavily and there was no way she could drop everything just like that. Everything came to a standstill. On one hand, the members felt like Jessica has changed, “you didn’t use to be like this, you were never this driven and ambitious”, while on the other hand, Jessica felt threatened, “We have been together for 10 years, shouldn’t you guys support me unconditionally?”

So did they try to work it out? They did. Jessica continued posting material related to the members in September, but the members began to take an even tougher stance. I believe the situation wouldn’t have reached such a terrible state if someone didn’t aggravate the situation. Lee Soo Man would have attempted to appease everyone and not let any malicious person cloud the members’ judgement. The reason why any malicious person would succeed in driving a wedge between them was because the 9 of them were no longer like before, they have their own cliques now, their own circle of friends, and have their own career paths to take. There is no way to know who the malicious people who instigated them were, but they definitely existed. The success of Jessica’s brand may not have a significant impact on the members, but if Jessica succeeded in both entertainment and fashion industries, it might have a strong effect on the people behind the team. This fight looks like a 1 vs 8 from the outside, but in actual fact, it’s a conflict of personal interests that involved many others. It’s a shame they didn’t manage to keep their promise of being together forever. After considering the future revenue and benefits of 1 vs 8 without Lee Soo Man helming SM’s management team, and taking Sulli’s incident as a guide, it was easy to use a similar setup for Jessica’s dismissal. So they acceded to the 8 members’ demands, and then informed Jessica she was excluded from all future SNSD activities. They were going to use health as a reason for Jessica’s absence, and let her slowly fade away.

All 3 (Jessica, members, SM) parties were at fault.

Jessica was overconfident thinking the members would never go to the extent of kicking her out, so she used the delay-tactic and hoped the conflict would work itself out with time. She also over-estimated Kim Young Min’s trustworthiness by thinking she could disregard the members’ opposition by gaining Kim Young Min’s word of approval. As we all know, Jessica got played. If she hadn’t gotten his word of approval, she might have taken the members’ state of anxiety into consideration and not daringly leave the country to attend to personal matters. But Kim Young Min was definite and gave her his word, then he turned his back on her the moment she left the country. He broke down her defences and caught her off guard. Jessica’s overconfidence caused her to overlook the immediate danger and she was caught in an awkward predicament, like a drowned mouse.

As for the members, they cracked under pressure and gave in to their anxiety by blowing things out of proportion, thinking their conflict with Jessica was beyond repair. It escalated from simply not being used to seeing your friend become so driven suddenly, to the road of no return, because there wasn’t a mediator to alleviate the situation, and they were played by the people who used their emotions against them by clouding their judgement. I think there were neutral members who kept their opinions to themselves, and by keeping quiet they were inadvertently agreeing to whatever decision was being made. I think the neutral members were YoonA, Seohyun, Hyoyeon, and Sunny. YoonA is known for her high EQ, she is not the sort to take an active role especially in situations like such whereby she would likely offend either party. During a rehearsal around the time this fight was going on, she didn’t dare to interact with Jessica openly but they still made eye contact. In a Hong Kong interview around mid-September, she blatantly said she wasn’t the one who started or instigated this matter. As for Seohyun, she had always been cordial with Jessica, being the youngest in the group, her words didn’t weigh as much. When Jessica attended the <I Love that Crazy Little Thing> presscon, a reporter asked if she knew Seohyun was in Beijing too, and she answered “Yes”. This was a huge contrast to when she was asked if she knew Yuri was in Hong Kong, where Jessica replied “Oh she is? I didn’t know”. When asked if they were going to meet up, she replied “I don’t think so”. Her attitude was very different. Another possibility could be that her anger has slowly dissipated with time. Perhaps Jessica simply doesn’t care as much anymore, so her approach to such questions have changed too. As for Sunny, she remained passive since there wasn’t a need for her to instigate anything, because she had nothing to gain from this fight due to her special status. Nothing can change the fact that she is Lee Soo Man’s niece, and her attitude after 930 says it all. She seemed like she got sick of this supposed sisterly bond. Lastly Hyoyeon, being one of the less popular members aside, most importantly, her life motto is “it’s okay, everything’s going to be fine”. She tends to make peace with whatever situation. Jessica once said Hyoyeon gave similar advice to her before. There are similarities between these 4 members, they are neutral by nature and are not good at expressing themselves. Perhaps they have minimal conflict of interests with Jessica, or perhaps their family backgrounds are not too far off from Jessica, or perhaps their talent and field of interests are different from Jessica, so they don’t clash.

But it’s such a shame because everyone has grown up, so their way of thinking and doing things won’t be what you always see in fairytales, where they will thrive and survive against all odds. They can only obey the majority, obey the most outspoken people. Because of the fear of being singled out saying they are antisocial by not following the masses, and also the fear for their future, most importantly the fear that they will not get to enjoy their share of the pie, their share of the success that was made possible by the contribution of all 9 members.

On the morning of 930, Jessica completely gave up hope and did not follow through with SM’s plan (to say her absence was due to health reasons) when the members made such a grave and heartless decision. Let’s imagine, if any of the members had cried and threw a fit, 930 may not have gone down the way it did. Well I wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt and think that they didn’t waste 14 years of their lives for nothing.

Reality is cruel, even though most fans understand, they don’t want to accept reality. But we have to admit that idols hide all their problems behind their smiles, and behind their smiles is a world of pain that even they themselves don’t want to confront. It is best to not let such darkness and negativity swallow you up, because once you let it get to your heart, you will definitely crumble.

As for SM, their mistake was taking Jessica for a fool thinking they could pull the same trick twice without her figuring out how it’s done. You used the same tactic on Choi Sulli, and then you go tell Jessica, “Hey, Jessica babe, we intend to use the same tactic on you, so please don’t show up for the fanmeet today okay? Don’t show up for future SNSD activities too because you are no longer a part of the group, but please keep it a secret and don’t tell anyone, let’s take it one step at a time.” Can you guess Jessica’s reaction and next course of action? As the saying goes, even an angry bunny bites back, moreover Jessica is a cat. \(-_- )/

With Jessica’s character, she was definitely not going to be a sitting duck just waiting to get slaughtered, and this was also the reason why she was not made the leader. Her life motto is “follow my heart”. A popular artiste once said that no agency was willing to sign him and their reason was that they needed their artistes to be obedient so they could exercise control over them easily, and they should be someone who can’t survive in the industry upon leaving the agency. But he is a highly intelligent man of many talents who can survive on his own even if he leaves the entertainment industry. Jessica will never fall for SM’s tricks like Sulli did because she doesn’t do things against her own will and conscience. Perhaps Kim Young Min didn’t have a good grasp of every artiste’s personalities and thought he could use the same trick on Jessica. So the situation turned into a farce. Drama ensued and Jessica revealed the truth so everyone can have a clear view of what really went down.

3- Backstabbed her former members? Backstabbed by agency and former members?

I think Jessica got backstabbed, so she retaliated and gave them a taste of their own medicine. Let’s be logical, what would you do if you got backstabbed? Smile and let it pass? This is what a monk would do, not how commoners like us would react. The reason why I said Jessica got backstabbed: firstly Jessica posted on weibo at 5am when it wasn’t too long after she got informed of her dismissal. She was absolutely infuriated at this time, perhaps she witnessed the members carrying on with their preparation for the Shenzhen fanmeet as if nothing happened after notifying her of her dismissal. Or perhaps she didn’t even get to see the members after receiving a message for her dismissal, and all the members were not contactable. No matter what happened, it definitely had significant impact on a person who thought there was still room for negotiations. Moreover the people who informed you (be it in person or by written notice) had been your friends for more than a decade. Both scenarios are unthinkable and unbearable but unfortunately, either of this scenario must have happened. I have this conclusion because in both of SM’s and Jessica’s official statements, "company and members" were mentioned. If the rumors are real, it could be less hurtful if Jessica was notified face-to-face, rather than simply receiving a written notice to leave the group, and then go on to find out that all members were uncontactable. Jessica deserved to be treated with at least minimum respect, and granting her a face-to-face settlement is the proper way.

Regardless of what went down, the person who received such news would feel absolutely helpless and angry, and it is no surprise that it led to Jessica’s post on Weibo. Perhaps you think you can handle such news without getting into a frenzy, then good for you, but that doesn’t apply to everyone. What about Jessica? She was once asked about Sooyoung and YoonA’s relationships and she said, “if the members were not informed beforehand and only got to know when the news break out, then that’s rude.” This was exactly what happened to her, and the sheer anger she felt was a tell-tale sign of who the real backstabbers were. Long-time Sones will tell you Jessica is cold and not to be trifled with, something they derived from media reports and the image that SM tailormade for her. I feel that she doesn’t have an overly vibrant personality and is also not easily fooled. She doesn’t accept being shortchanged. How can we be all smiles after being backstabbed repeatedly unless you are Mother Mary? Some would say she did that because she anticipated SM’s actions and wanted to gain the upperhand. Guys, this is not the way to do it. It doesn’t always mean you have the upperhand just because you did something first.

The《Old Book of Tang》has two examples on “take the initiative is to gain the upper hand”, but two different results, positive case - Tang Long coup and negative case - Li Chongjun rebellion case, in the concept of time they are both the first, why they had different fates? Because Li Chongjun at most was a person with a temporary meaning of indignation, and ignored the definition of the first start is " to surprise the enemy". However, Li Longji's “take the initiative is to gain the upper hand” was way better because his "sudden attack when enemy aren’t prepared" such steady ruthless behavior style.

So let’s take a look, did Jessica’s behavior really was “strikes first and gains the advantage”? In fact, from this point in time, you can see, Jessica has no wisdom as Li Longji when she was in the middle of such situation, my analogy may make people feel funny, how is an idol comparable to an emperor of Tang dynasty? Of course not. Return to the matter, what I mean is that 25-year-old Jessica Jung failed with her “strike first”, and it even created dangers for her future situation.

Jessica’s statement was posted at 5:00 AM, but SM released the official statement until 1:00 PM, I would like to ask, is it really “strike first and get advantages” that you gave your opponent such a long time difference? Do you all think that after informing Jessica to leave the group in the early morning, SM’s PR all went back to sleep? Obviously no. Not to mention at 5:00 AM the rest of the members must have got up and got ready to go to Shenzhen in the morning for the fan meeting. We can also see what SM was doing for up to seven hours from the trend of news later. Yes, they began their fancy performance of manipulating the media and news, if you are interested, you can search up, they really calculated every step well.

Since SM informed that Jessica to leave the group, SM must have prepared to solve the aftermath. SM is the No.1 of Korea showbiz and deals with this kind of things for many times, its PR is the strongest and fastest among the three big entertainment companies, you have to admit that inside of SM there’s a complete PR crisis management mechanism model, and this is why the artists who are blocked by SM will never enjoy the status that other artists have. Isn’t there JYJ Law? Yes, but do you see it works? No. We can understand these common senses, as a member of SNSD, a senior artist under SM, wouldn’t Jessica understand all these? She does, it’s just she has to release her emotions.

It is a normal thing, but Jessica react without any time difference, it gives SM a chance to twist the truth and catch breath which gets her into a bad fix, we’re all familiar with the story of “three men talking makes a tiger” (repeated rumor becomes a fact), when most of the media of the country talk about something in a certain way, as someone who does not know the facts, will you believe the media or a litigant who was smeared? To a great extent, the media is the eyes and ears of civilians, people will trust everything the media report, I have watched a Korean movie “Defender”, the lawyer in it was actually defending for the children who got framed, but the media twisted the facts and call the lawyer a bad guy who is bribed, from this, we can see that media can really so someone wrong or even put them to death.

That is why I say that Jessica is actually not the people who catch all the ball before the bound because she posted this statement under her impulsive anger, she did not think too much nor did she prepared anything to protect herself, and that gives the opponent a perfect chance to flip the card.

If I was Jessica, and I really wanted to ruin SNSD like some people said, I would announce publicly that it was the company and members forced me out and wanted me to take the blame when everything is ready, on the evening of the SNSD fan meeting, when the members who attend the fan meeting followed the script and say that I cannot make it to the fan meeting because of sickness. What do you think? I would call that perfect.

Come, everybody, let’s take a minute and think, is the situation that I suggested “pre-emptive”, or post the news at 5 AM and give the company and PR plenty of time to get ready “pre-emptive”?

“Isn’t mentioning members means that members knew about it and even pushed it behind?” Many people who saw Jessica’s Weibo posts thought like that. Of course what we think is not important, what matters is what Korean people think and how they choose. Alright, even people believe this statement and know it is not Jessica’s fault, so what? Because it is impossible for them to condemn their bias, it is also impossible to condemn a party of eight because of a party of one, and it is impossible to allow SNSD - the name card of Korea - get dirt on it, so, sorry we have to blame you. So we see a very funny thing that under the news about Jessica, in the Korean comment section, as long as there’s a news about Jessica, they always leave negative comments and hates, but the only exception is when she releases her album, people comment with good word to affirm her singing skill, is it her singing skill that good, good enough to overcome all those hates before? All the people who always comment her with bad word suddenly stopped on the day? I don’t think so.

Compared with the announcement came later from SM, the content of Jessica’s Weibo posts are really simple and clear, it’s just like, “I can’t meet you at 10:00 PM tomorrow because my friends don’t allow me, I can’t go now”, such a casual and normal message, I feel so funny when I see those “betray” arguments.

“In the end, it is just whose fan you are, you stand by whom, isn’t it?” Yes, I agree with that, but it’s obvious there’s right and wrong between standpoints, and I feel right to stand on the standpoint of Jessica to make sense of this issue. We may as well imagine it, if Jessica only mentioned the company and did not mention members, will her ending change? No, SM had already prepared many public notices for her, say that she is just selfish and wanted to leave, sooner or later, fans of SNSD will believe this allegation and turn to condemning Jessica. But if Jessica didn’t mention members, will rest of the members and fans end differently? Yes, because like that, the reputations of other eight members would not suffer a bit, and their fans can continue to follow their bias without any guilt, meanwhile, criticize Jessica who got kicked out from time to time.

Can people be so selfish to such great degree? Just for your self-interests, you can step on other people’s genuineness and yell at other people said that he or she is setting you up?

Apparently in today’s society, speaking the truths is betrayal, and telling lies and empty words is honesty.

4- Prepared to leave the group? Whom to blame for losing group spirit? (SNSD fans)

Before I get to the main point, I still want to emphasize, the truth is the more you debate about it, truer you will find it is, put it anywhere works the same. Started with this post, fans from every side started to put on a show, both sides hold strongly to their arguments, looking back, the truth is actually crystal clear. 

Here I want to introduce the background of both sides, first, Jessica’s side, obviously her bias fans. And another side, are they really group fans, I don’t really think so, at least official SNSD fansites didn’t state they are OT8, and I believe, those who separate Jessica and SNSD from the beginning are definitely not group fans, I asked those who were group fans back then, they struggled inside for a long time, didn’t know whether to believe Jessica’s post or not, but they never publicly showed which side they chose. But at that time, bias fans with their hearts belong to someone have already started to choose side, what did Jessica’s leaving exposed, it exposed the inside structure of SNSD’s Chinese group fans has already turned from mostly group fans to mostly bias fans, I see that some people who become SNSD’s fans later or just became a group fan a while ago complain that Jessica made SNSD’s fans lost their group spirit, I want to say that you misunderstood, SNSD’s group fans were already losing to the bias fans of the three popular aces (Tae, Yoon, Sic), the only difference is to see it falling apart on the surface or storming under the waves.

So, at the beginning both arguing sides’ backgrounds, put it plainly, is just three popular aces’ bias fans divided into two sides and fight, only this time one side picked up “group fan” such noble weapon. Group fans’ noses got pulled by others, this is why someone became nobody’s fan, because group fans have no enough strengths to fight three aces’ bias fans, the purpose of one side is to explain the issue of Jessica leaving the group, another side wanted to shame about Jessica’s leaving, group fans were forced to choose a side, some people chose SNSD for a more certain future, some people chose Jessica for their reconciled minds. Some people didn’t choose because SNSD died after 930, eight people are still SNSD is just nonsense, what you like is it just the brand of SNSD, SM’s strategy? Let them say whatever they want to say, let them manipulate whichever way they want to manipulate? So after that, OT7, OT6? Till there’s no one left? Looking at those people who chose the side right after and desperate Jessica out of the group but also claim themselves as group fans, I feel chilly at my back, since when the meaning of group fans became following the brand and the name? What is more disappointing, that those people became OT8, and for proving their choice are correct, they started to seek for excuses.

First, “unexpectedly, got informed suddenly” this point got griped by every bias fans group led by SNSD’s two big aces bias fans and zoomed in, they found that before and after the middle of September, some words said by some of the leaders of Jessica’s fans, they think that Jessica leaving the group is well-known among people, but herself didn’t know about it, it is such a show. About this, I want to use a metaphor don’t know if it is appropriate. I remember in 《西窗法雨》(a Chinese book about law) there is a famous case in England, 19th century, the “crew murder” case, it’s about a ship crossing ocean and the ship got into shipwreck, there were only four people left, a kid drank sea water and was about to die, and there’s no more food left on the ship, so the captain had an idea, egged other people to kill the kid and save himself. This case is a very famous case in Case Law, I alter it a little bit, for example, there are three people on the ship, the ship is leaking and they have to through one people out, at that time, the other two have already decided to through A away, but the A who got chosen to be through away do not comply, he grabbed onto the ship, he is negotiating with the people on the ship, maybe there’s some other way to solve the problem instead of having to through him into the ocean. This is a survival instinct, everyone is like this, someone asks how can he be so stupid, that’s because you are not on the ship, you don’t know for A now, leaving the ship means death.

People around who cares about the ship are watching, too, they got to know about the situation a little earlier than those who were watching from the shore far away and waiting for the ship to return, but due to their love for the ship and their respect to A, they didn’t send out the information that they know about beforehand, they just turn around to those people on the shore who cares and complain, “maybe this time when they come back there will be no more A”, because they knew that A may not pass this difficulty, but meanwhile, people all have some hope, A had hope, he thought that people on the ship may consider his suggestion, they will take him back home together, people who care about A, thought that A has the ability to make things turn around. All of sudden, someone on the ship found a tool and threw A into the ocean, what a clean cut. This is way beyond the expectation of A and people around who cares.

May I ask, for A, is it the suddenness and panic that he felt at that moment he got through away conflicts with the idea that he knew he may get through away? This moment that A got through away caused people around who knew about the situation anger and indignation, is it conflicts with the action of telling people on the shore “don’t wait, A may not make it” when they saw A struggling?  

So, got informed all of a sudden conflicts with there were disagreements among members and leaving the group was about to happen? No. Is it the anger and shocking they have when actually see a confirmed statement of having to leave the group conflicts with that some head of fans knew some inside news in the middle of the month and complain about it on Weibo? No.

So, where did the argument of premeditation come from? Form the mouths of OT8 who purposely making a clearly “got forced out of the group” issue into “leaving the group on her free will”, why do they do that, because they couldn't face the fact that “my idol was involved in this act of forcing someone to leave”, what’s funny is that a lot of smaller/younger fans got pulled away, followed such idea and believed in it, yelling about that Jessica wanted to leave, making me a new fan feel embarrassing. An argument can be so easily laid bare, surprisingly got make into the truth for so long. This really fulfills those OT8’s purpose of saying such thing.

Second, I remember that I have read some Jessica’s Weibo posts about parting the group, at first on Weibo there weren't so many complaints about “8 others”, and then I verified about it, this argument was brought up on that afternoon, why needed verify, because when I came into the fandom this actually became a main point of such debate, what can I say, this just makes me laughing me tears out. At first, when I encounter such argument I even thought about it carefully, this can only blame the word “others” which wouldn’t be controversial in any other language besides Mandarin. This is not that I am boasting Mandarin and despising English, this complaint about “others” really need to blame that Mandarin is so broad and profound, one speaking tone has one explanation, whatever you want to think, whatever you want to say, you can always find a version. In addition, Jessica also posted Korean version, this time about how to translate group members nobody seemed to care. OT8 tirelessly bring up “8 others”, make me feel confused. The word “others” upsets who? Does it really have so many deep meanings that they need to bring that up every time talking about parting the group? It is necessary to make up explanations and twist her words just to make it fit into the meanings you wanted it to mean when she didn’t even know about the Mandarin translation of that word?

But soon after, when I see more and more such arguments, I realized even though such argument seems very unreasonable but how smart it is, this is just an ulterior motive, how many others doesn’t matter, what matters is that Jessica mentioned members in her statement, why keep following a group if it is not what you sign up for any more? It is that Jessica mentioned members in her statement made OT8 angry, no other reasons just because she broke the “my idol is innocent” image in their minds, because it would make their idols get involved. The best solution is to draw in those group fans who were swinging, create a “Jessica is the villain” image, don’t allow you to rethink why Jessica would mention members, what was the background story, just a simple word “others”, drawing those swinging group fans whose bias was not Jessica, and also got Jessica fans attention, it was a righteous and clear statement, after that they keep grabbing onto that word and make up explanations.

Seriously, fandom wars are most splendid when comes to crisis PR.

Today, I return this strange argument about “others” back to OT8, also advise Jessica’s fans no need to explain so many grammars or translations, this is just a tool they use for brainwashing, how possibly they don’t know about those. Also, among all those whitewash reasons, only this one works the best, because it will not be refuted as time passes, it is just a word, no need for proof, all they need to use is their hypocritical whiny to blame her.

Third, why Jessica posted on Weibo, my idea since I got into the fandom has not changed till now, although there was some intention to come develop in China, but that intention didn’t develop just then, but in 2013, this intention was developed not only because Jessica herself wanted to come to China, but the whole SM had a strategic incline to China after 2013, our country’s market is huge and strong, and K-POP market was not saturated, it was in its heyday, it was a wonderful choice for SNSD which needed to develop a new market, so we could see that after 2013, SNSD had more and more activities leaning towards China, also in 2014 tested the water on TV shows and national tour, so someone needs to open up the popularity for SNSD as pioneer, SM needed Jessica’s intention to be the pioneer, so there could be a signal that she’s developing in China. Why choose Jessica, is to balance the 3 top aces, especially Jessica and Taeyeon, they have similar positions, both are main vocals, but there are only so many resources, if you got it, I won’t have it, if I got it, you won’t get any, competing for so many years, put Jessica to China in an appropriate way, is a strategy to ease the conflicts a little bit. SM did some good calculations, it is the same reason later putting Yoona to replace Jessica’s position on opening up Chinese market, it’s always choosing paths for SNSD’s future consumption, if it wasn’t for the Korea’s ban, with Yoona’s fluent Chinese, leading SNSD to gaining more fans in China is no problem. Meanwhile, to keep aces conflicts from happening, Taeyeon have never entered the Chinese market.

Also, she did not have any other social media back then, it is unrealistic to make a new account just for posting this thing, getting verified would take a while, she would not have the mood to set up a new account, and the first post is, "excuse me everyone, I am no longer a part of the group", no one would do that, unless their brains not working, serious face.

On top of that, why not posted within Korea, I am wondering about this, too, within Korea itself, why don’t they design their own social media app? You just making celebrities have no choice when they want to announce something, got no sense of privacy that it is exclusive to my country, everyone uses INS, once it’s posted the whole world know about it, so not low-key. All right enough sidetrack, you guys all know that Korea doesn’t have its own social media, then someone says, isn’t there some official website comment section? Oh so you got kicked of SNSD, and then you went to SNSD official website and leave a comment saying that I got kicked out, how awkward and embarrassing is that. Jessica was angry, but not ruthless. Or tell the media, let them publish news overnight, but is media any good? Your statement is just about that I got forced out, but media which always likes to add oil onto fires, their news may be like “Shocking! Jessica got pushed out of the group by members, members shouting ‘if you’re going then I’m not going’!”

Last but not least, also the most understandable reason, why posting on Weibo, because she needs to inform Chinese fans, originally she was going to Shenzhen fan meeting that day, but she could not go now, who else should she tell besides Chinese fans? Tell Japanese fans? Sorry I couldn’t come to the Shenzhen fan meeting tomorrow. Japanese fans would be like: where is Shenzhen? Of course you tell the fans in that country what is going on about me within that country, such simple reason, still got many criticisms, I even feel sorry for her.

5- Fans turn into haters VS. Tool career?

A few days ago, Korea had a vote about fans turn into haters on DC, I saw that Jessica gloriously got listed again, the reason is still the one I talked about in the beginning - marriage blalalala, selfishly leaving the group blalalala, really, if this is not called love, what else is? In fact, if a fan being fan for a long enough time, he or she will become the head of fans, get to know a lot of things that people would not know, but also have to keep a lot of secrets that people do not know about, because to some extent, your relationship with this idol is difficult to unbound, your love towards them may not be as strong as before, the reason why you stick to it is because you can make profits out of each other. According to group fans and individual strong-biased fans, before the whole thing of parting the group, all the fansites higher-level managements received some signals. What does it mean by received signals? I found the answer later in a Korean Sone’s statement. Received signals means that after the Dispatch’s eighteen questions once was released, they immediately published a "why we do not support Jessica" statement, yes, immediately, the speed of writing is so fast that makes me feel that they didn’t even struggle inside, makes people really sad, when fans in China or other countries are still swinging between OT9 or OT8, Korean Sones have already given out a statement, told Jessica, they no longer choose to support her, I don’t want to post all those logic errors of that statement out here to have you joke about them, I just recommend everyone do not take it serious about the group spirit and statement of Korean people, in their eyes, what idol really is, do not matter, they can support them today and against them tomorrow, It seems very easy for them to issue a “stop supporting” statement, because the status of Korea idols is just too low, and they are not actually loving the idol, is that brand, is the kind of marketing only.

When Jessica Jung leaves you can do that, you can do it again when Jessica Zhang leaves, all that you will ever publish is only "Why don't we support xxx".

Forget about justice, what we want is to a definite career of following idols, just the brand a company created, as for who is a member in there, how she’s vividly alive, it doesn’t matter.  

This is K-POP, the individual appears insignificant under the flow, they are just tools, they are just some dispensable parts which made up the whole valuable industry.

6- When is the end of “you” and SNSD? Is the argument of exploiting childish or not?

Before the talking about the argument of exploiting, I want to talk about some facts that I got “brainwashed” heavily after I got into SNSD, and later I find out those sayings are not true.

1. Jessica invested 40 million dollars into her company, but there is no official statement proving that.

2. Jessica was back to Korea in the early morning, it was in the early morning, but it was the early morning of 29th, not the 30th as SONEs said.

3. Yoona and Taeyeon scapegoat for “Lan Kwai Fong”, in Korea there was no any public comments on that, the news of Yoona and Taeyeon came from Hong Kong Apple Daily, there was one version stated Jessica went to Lan Kwai Fong, but the most news was pointing at Yoona and Taeyeon. The “scapegoat” argument was just nonsense. Because that back-view never matched a front face, you can not say that the main character was Tyler Kwon and now he is close to Jessica, and you just inferring it was Jessica, such way of interpretation is, emm, unintelligible. Or here’s another example, one day the police came and arrested you, the reason is that your friend killed someone, the murder crime that your friend did three years ago just got solved, now you and your friend are so close, then you guys must be complicity and did that together. If such interpretation got put onto your head, do you think is reasonable?

So in the whole K-POP fandom, come to convincing, I was convinced most by SONEs, like for me I didn’t know, a lot of things got carried away by their comments, if I didn’t have a brain which likes to think, maybe my standpoint could have got lead astray.

And in SNSD, there are three people that I admire the most, one is Yoona Im, very high EQ, if she did something, she would tell everyone in the world obscurely that she did it, if she tried, she would tell you she tried without revealing she’s showing off. Also, she never be the one in the whirlpool center, no matter who fell down, she is always still and steady, in SNSD, she actually never wanted to be the thorn in everyone’s eyes, always trying to desalinate that she is in the ACE position, as you all know from interviews, Yoona has always emphasized the saying that “popularity is like seasons.” So many people say that her EQ is high, she is an idol who packaged herself very exquisitely, if you want to follow someone without getting any negative energy, personality setting never falls, always positive and upwards, this person is definitely the best choice, she will never show you the negative side, because she never reveals her true self.

Another one is Jessica Jung, what characteristic that people most afraid of a person, it’s tenacity, is resurrection after death. Maybe someone would say what’s the big deal of it, here here here, the keyboard is yours, you type. Not everyone would be able to face the same “out of group” thing and then come back up again, somebody may go down the wrong pathway. You may not want to admit, but it is true, that she is too notionate, making her road very rough and meandering, she lives very real, she exposes her real “follow my heart” to the public, some people can accept it, some people gnash their teeth in hatred, in the end, it’s just because she can live according to her heart, but most of us, can’t. If you want to follow someone who can help you cultivate yourself and become godly, toughen your personality, and polish your nature, this one would be a good choice. After all, so many blame since debut, but Jessica’s attitude is: no explanation. Never explain, got wronged and got blamed, but she never uses explanation to solve problems. Living in such attitude for long, no wonder becoming godly.

Here I want to say something, actually I do not so agree with Jessica’s way, but seems like she doesn’t have other option. Korean media making her their stunt, after she knew about it, she didn’t say like “hey, my agent company, let’s do a classification or something”, but like “you guys like change my words, right? OK, I will never accept your interviews.” During the first album, because she let Korean medias interviewed her, Jessica suffered on the first day of coming back, later during the second album, she chooses to not taking any Korean media’s interview, no explanation+no intercommunication, even though she’s living by following her heart, but it is a heartbreaking response.

The third one is Taeyeon Kim, this one no doubt should get praise, from background perspective, her family situation is relatively bad among SNSD or most trainees, it’s not like if your family owns a glasses store then you are rich or in middle class, if your civil teacher sees it he or she will criticize you. We (Chinese people) yet care about social status and family class, not to mention Korea is a Capitalism country with our ancient Confucianism influences, over there the class differences are absolutely obvious. But she could use such natural family advantage to make her stand on a winning ground. Some people say she is sensitive, that’s true if it was you, can you not be sensitive? You are not the most good-looking one, not the richest one, there’s plenty of people in the company with excellent singing skill, if one thing that makes you stand out, it is the pureness and obedience, follow company’s decision unconditionally, as I just talked about, SM likes some “nobody” who would listen, she totally qualify for that, no wonder she gets to promote a lot. Also, compared to Yoona Im, Taeyeon Kim would rather show her vulnerability, you would think she’s real, she needs your attention and love, such realness makes her go further. If you want to follow someone who inspires you, who has big dreams, recommend you follow Taeyeon Kim, absolutely an encouragement machine.

OK, now let’s talk about the argument of exploiting, actually “exploit” is pretty much fans’ wishful thinking, whether is the fans of SNSD right now or Jessica’s fans, are using this argument tirelessly, but in fact, technically no one is being exploited. If there is someone (something) is being exploited, is the big pie.

No matter it’s nine or one people, they all have the right and they are enjoying the big pie. Subjectively or objectively, the big pie is the subject of exploit.

Why there’s “former SNSD” title before Jessica’s name from time to time, why in the interview she always got asked how it is after leaving SNSD? Because the band of SNSD is so grand, the brand that those nine people built is so controversial, it’s so necessary for gossips, you think Jessica would really want to hear about these questions? I don’t think so, but you think the media would really never mention it? That’s definitely impossible because it is a stunt that could be dug out from Jessica, it is the point of entertaining of an entertainment industry star, don’t mention this, do you want to ask Jessica what did you eat today? Even if they ask that, will the volume of sales and attention be greater than mentioning the stunts or gossips that people interested in? No.

Same reason, why every time the 8 people SNSD has something happen, Jessica would be mention, accompany them without physically being there? Because in everybody’s heard, they still did not forget that this group is nine people. Everyone is treating this issue with a mindset like “it’s OK, we can still dig out something from it.” So CMIYC nine people MV got leaked out before SNSD’s comeback, Sooyoung Choi used lyrics from “Guardian: The Lonely and Great God” to answer the question about Jessica apart the group in the interview of SNSD 10th anniversary, if no surprise, before the 10th anniversary there will be a series of practice room video being released, all from unofficial channels, but the officials are behind it. As I said, “exploit” is naive children’s idea, their interests are related is the reason why they can not leave the other side alone.

Do you guys remember what it was like during Jessica first solo come back, this side Jessica just announced that she will be coming back in the middle of May, the next day SM daddy is telling everyone, “hey guys, Tiffany is coming back on May 11th. Surprise or not? Unexpected or not?” Well done my SM daddy, you can bump someone so confidently and give others an illusion like they are the host instead of the guest, if I was Jessica’s company, I would be so offended that I will be vomiting blood for three gallons, obviously it was us announced first, now you making us so passive. But SM daddy didn’t just stop there, they saw your teaser, and hired the same American backup dancers as you, backup dancers is just doing business, no big deal, but have you consider Tiffany’s feeling? Win or lose, what’s the point? That’s two old friends who fought together for 10 years, pulling them out and making them opponents, is it really delightful?

No, but the company is just company, they don’t care about your personal feeling. So we saw that before and after the time of Jessica releasing her album, the dance instructor of SNSD posted such words on her social media, “I am drunk so I don’t know what I am talking about, in my heart, you nine girls have the same importance to me, make my heart hurt.” Oh, so this is a side proof that SM hires those dancers on purpose.

So that’s why when Jessica releasing her winter album, only announced it one week before it came out (I probably remember it correctly), and her MV and everything (He probably mean the teasers) kept confidential until three days before the comeback, just because she didn’t want to bump into Seohyun, this behavior really slapped some people’s faces, those who said that she is definitely going to bump Seohyun, if like the first album, build the publicity first to get people excited and then come back, then maybe Seohyun’s album would be released before or after her comeback time, according to SM daddy’s habit, should be before her, this way creates an illusion that I released it first, you followed me, you are taking advantage of me, but this time Jessica made a sudden come back, very little pre-publicity, SM couldn’t finish producing Seohyun’s album within one week, so there was no second bumping, some people got slapped on the face, and then said that it is intentional, she is just afraid to bump into Seohyun, err, so for people who hate you, no matter what you do, you don’t even have a way to make them not hate you.

Some people ask, Jessica, when will be the end of you and SNSD?

Probably when SNSD has no one left, or Jessica leave the industry.

Or as long as Jessica is active, and SNSD is still there, the entanglement will never end, and keep going on and on.

7- My feelings

I just want to tell those restless people: she is no longer a member of SNSD, the fame and profit of SNSD belong to the eight people, but she is the one who was forced out, and the one who bears the pain, please stop accusing someone who literately burst into tears when reading “she’s crying every day” in her sister’s letter that she wanted to leave the group, if someone’s crying just because of one sentence, this can only prove that the scar is way too deep.

I really understand this feeling that you will cry when people mention something touched your heart, I am from a divorced family and always behave strong, everyone thought that I am mature, that’s true too, I have worked really hard to go to college with my efforts, however, whenever someone mentions my parents’ divorce I will cry out loud, just that word “divorce”. Later, I found out a truth:

Everyone has their own scar, people don’t touch, doesn’t mean that it is no longer exist.

I believe that there is some true affection when members of SNSD cried, their relationships last for 14 years at the most, the shortest would be 9 years too, no matter what they would be touched by the scene. But please think about Jessica who has no chance to catharsis the same feeling, since they are on different paths now, if you can’t forget about her, then please don’t act like you care about her but at the same time discrediting her in order to proof that 8 girls are innocent, don’t even say it out loud like you are right, “even though I know that she did nothing wrong, but I would rather follow someone who pretends that everything is peaceful and fine than to forgive someone who exposes her true self.” Such moral is horrible and difficult to understand.

In the end, I want to use the words from Krystal’s letter as my conclusion:

“When I see my sister crying so hard in pain every day,

I wanted to cry, too, I felt so, so sad and heartbreaking.

My sister is such a vulnerable person, will people ever know?”

END.

[segadores-y-soldados]

Do you think any ship will ever be confirmed canon or do you think Blizzard will hint at ships but never make them canon?

So, obviously there’s one big ship that I would really LOVE to be confirmed canon.  I’m toeing the line between being optimistic about it and being “realistic” (aka, it will never be confirmed and will only ever be implied).That disclaimer out of the way -Here’s some of the stuff that Michael Chu himself has either said or done that heavily implies at least two ships in particular may eventually become canon or close to canon:

(More under the cut)

1. Anahardt (Ana Amari/Reinhardt Wilhelm): technically, their in-game interactions are NOT “canon” (no one knows Ana is alive besides Soldier: 76, Reaper, Sombra, and possibly Pharah), but they obviously have a very flirtatious interaction which inspired the ship (along with their early in-game syngery of “Nanoboost the Paladin”).  However, while their in-game interaction isn’t confirmed canon, in Michael Chu’s 2017 GDC talk, he really emphasized how important both Ana and Reinhardt were to Fareeha as she grew up.  In that same section of the talk about Fareeha’s relationship with Ana “and other heroes like Reinhardt,” he pulled up Fareeah’s combined “ice fishing” spray with Reinhardt.  Fareeha also has a special “final blow” quote for when she kills an enemy Reinhardt (an apologetic “Oooh, sorry, Reinhardt!” vs her smugger final blow quotes against McCree, Reaper, and Widowmaker) - her final blow quote against Reinhardt almost sounds like she accidentally hit him.  We know she also idolized him enough to have a poster of him on her wall growing up, and it is loosely implied that Reinhardt’s love of rockets (rocket armor in particular) inspired Fareeha’s own love of rockets.

Along those lines, although the Ana-Reinhardt interactions in the game are not canon, they do imply certain things about their relationship.  I tend to interpret the non-canon in-game interactions as “here are what the characters would say if they were put in this scenario” - they give us insight on their personalities and past relationships.  Ana has a quote where if she witnesses Reinhardt kill an enemy, she compliments him with a coy “Reinhardt, you haven’t lost a step,” and if an ally Reinhardt dies, she shouts “Reinhardt!”  She has similar lines with Soldier: 76, but based on the fact that the two literally sleep in separate rooms (in the Necropolis), we can kinda assume they’re really just friends.  Ana is also the only person to teasingly chastize Reinhardt “don’t go charging in there on your own” in the Uprising dialogue.Reinhardt seemingly does not have a spouse or children.  In “Reflections,” he and Brigitte are shown to be at Torbjörn’s house for the holidays, where he is reading a book to Torbjörn’s grandchildren.  We don’t know the full details of his relationship with Brigitte, but they seem to fall under more of a master-apprentice, knight-smith, or mentor-mentee relationship.It is loosely implied that Ana’s relationship with Fareeha’s biological father is either friendly or non-existent - she makes no references to him at any point, and the only image of them together is her Uprising spray, where they are shown together with a baby Fareeha.  Given that we know Ana worked for Overwatch since its founding (about 25-30 years), and we also know that Fareeha’s father appears to have “stayed put” in Canada, they likely spent almost no time together.  This does not negate the possibility that they maintained a relationship, but it does put considerable stress on them.  We do also know that they were never married (http://harmicist.tumblr.com/post/156761148006/theres-a-lot-of-drama-going-on-about-reapers), as Fareeha inherited Ana’s surname, which is not typical of Arabic naming conventions.  It is possible that Fareeha’s father belongs to a tribe with matrilineal naming patterns, but until Blizzard confirms this, I won’t wait for it.Lastly, Chu has liked a number of Anahardt or “Amari-Wilhelm family” (Ana, Fareeha, and Reinhardt) pictures on twitter.My gut tells me that if any ship in the entire game is going to be made canon, it will be Anahardt - they have easy in-game synergy, they have the classic “tank-healer” gameplay relationship, they’re both badass older characters, they flirt together, they have complimentary design elements (missing eyes), they both inspired Fareeha, they have a long personal history together that could easily be explored in side material, etc.  And frankly, they’re both a “safe” bet while still being pretty incredibly groundbreaking: how frequently do you see two 60+ yo characters, both of whom have physical scarring and are blind in one eye, one of whom is an older Arabian woman, being loving and supportive together in media or video games?2. Reaper76.

Alright.So last time I tried to discuss “the evidence” for this ship, I got a handful of comments telling me that I was “reading too much into it,” but a I got a ton of notes from people thanking me for putting it all into words.  So forgive me if I’m a little wary of doing this song and dance again.I guess we’ve all been burned one too many times by media creators who tease LGBT relationships or characters and never confirm anything “in canon.”  I don’t blame anyone for being exhausted by this discussion.  My other, non-OW OTP falls exactly into this category - two masculine characters who spend not one, but two games falling in love, being supportive of each other, growing together as individuals, and then literally run off into the sunset together only for other fans to consistently say, “Well, they were never confirmed to be romantic.”  The second game came out in 2007, so you can imagine how long THAT discussion has been going on.So just to start off with, I’m just going to drop this here:http://segadores-y-soldados.tumblr.com/post/160801745270/overdaddys-skeletonsock-vigorous-side-eyeing

Along with this: 

http://segadores-y-soldados.tumblr.com/post/159728931935/reaper-and-soldier-american-cultural-references

And this: http://segadores-y-soldados.tumblr.com/post/163703769040/so-kerrigore-asked-a-question-about-necropolisAnd this: http://segadores-y-soldados.tumblr.com/post/161011920475/shortstoutandswedish-segadores-y-soldadosUnlike Anahardt, which people have “collected fewer pieces for” (I should probably do that…go through and get screenshots of things), the “evidence” for Reaper76 has been screenshotted, quoted, linked to, teased about, etc, etc, etc, add all the verbs you want, etc.  Alongside Roadhog and Junkrat, Reaper and Soldier: 76 are the main masculine characters to share combined sprays (the Contra sprays), and matching voicelines (”What are you looking at?”; “Whatever you say.”/“Moving on.”).  They also have voicelines referencing the Old Soldiers comics (Soldier: 76: “You’re the boss.” > “My old boss used to say there’s no such thing as luck.”) (Reaper: “No one left behind.” > “He did this to me, Ana.  They left me to become this thing.”).  With the Summer Games 2 update, Soldier: 76 now has an American music reference (“Bring the noise!  Bring the ruckus!”), and Reaper got a goddamn biker outfit, drawing even closer parallels between them.In the Uprising comic, Jack has a brief opportunity to talk about his motivations and frustrations regarding both the American military and then early Overwatch.  Rather surprisingly, he makes no references to “family,” “honor,” “duty,” “freedom,” or any other “noble” “all-American” justifications for war and fighting (I’m rolling my eyes here, believe me, I’m sick of it too) - but instead, Jack calmly describes how “Commander Reyes and I…Well, they tried everything,” effectively cutting off his first train of thought about Gabriel and switching gears to talking about politicians and military leaders (presumably, people related to SEP).  His dialogue makes it sound like Gabriel and Overwatch were his main motivations for fighting in the war, and we know that at least one article described them as “joining Overwatch together” (https://playoverwatch.com/en-us/blog/19809396/). 

Much like Ana and Reinhardt, Gabriel and Jack seemingly do not have spouses or children (obviously Ana has Fareeha, but she appears to be her only child) - Gabriel appears to have a connection with the family in Reflections, but their relationship to each other in unknown.  And much like Ana and Reinhardt, Gabriel and Jack have spent at least 25, possibly up to 30 years working together, and despite the “in-universe rumors” that Gabriel was upset that Jack got the Strike-Commander position over him, neither character ever references “the promotion.”  In fact, no characters reference the promotion.  In my opinion, the article that does reference this (the one I just linked to) has been retconned, or the plot point about the promotion was abandoned (along with other early-story stuff like “First Strike”).  When First Strike was canceled, Michael Chu’s post on the subject made it sound like the Blizzard team had completely rethought some of their early story stuff - and this shows particularly clearly with Reaper/Gabriel, who has gotten more fan-based, “lighthearted” stuff like the Shrug, his Uprising dialogue, the biker skin, the Necropolis map, etc.

Speaking of Michael, regardless of what people say, it is very apparent that he loves the character of Reaper/Gabriel when he talks.  His GDC talk is enlightening in that he always lists Gabriel first when he talks about the original Strike Team, he is very passionate that “villains can be just as amazing as heroes,” he loves playing with perspective and unreliable narrators, etc.  Before anyone jumps on me, please note I’m not defending his mistakes nor saying that Michael is above critique (he’s not), but I do think that he’s passionate about giving Reaper/Gabriel the storyline he deserves, and I think he’s learned a lot from the fans and fan reactions about what that is and how to “build” that.And more on Michael - he loves the Reaper “beans” or Reaper “birbs” concepts. Like… a lot.  You can check his twitter likes for yourself (https://twitter.com/westofhouse/likes) (including this https://twitter.com/westofhouse/status/903748787793006593), and on occasionHe will like things tagged “Reaper76″ or “R76.”So for anyone thinking “he has no idea what’s happening, he doesn’t care,” etc, he knows.  He knows very well what’s happening in the fandom.Michael is also a big fan of the Legend of Korra, as well as Korrasami, and at the end of his GDC talk, he discusses Tracer/Lena, in which he was very passionate and vocal about how the team wanted to convey her relationship with Emily, how important it was to show her using her chronal “disability” (his word choice, not mine) in an every day, cute situation, how they wanted Tracer/Lena to be the uplifting, inspiring, charismatic hero who “represented everything positive about Overwatch.”  Tracer/Lena represents Blizzard’s commitment to “doing right by a character and all she represents, both in fiction and in the real world.”  A recent article went out showing that Blizzard is looking into hiring more feminine/women programmers and developers, and in that article they state that they have routine discussions and focus groups with their LGBT members as well.They are not perfect.  They have made mistakes regarding representation, and they will do so in the future.  This is NOT a forgiveness of that.  This is a write up on their efforts.  I recognize completely that efforts may not result in anything tangible.  Efforts without lasting effects can mean very little, but if fans want a dialogue with media creators like Michael and his team at Blizzard, then we need to recognize what effort does count for.  Providing feedback on what Blizzard has done well and what they have messed up on is important.Why do I bring this up?Because if we want Reaper76 to be canon, and we want it “done well,” then we have to continue critiquing Michael and his team, but in constructive manners.  They do look at sites like twitter and reddit (as evidenced by the “Take Out” vs “Take Away” sign changes in Junkertown).  They love fanart and fan content, and are not ashamed to show it.  But I think that, if they are going to make Reaper76 canon, it’s going to take a very, very long time.  They will make mistakes.  They will probably fumble with parts of it.  But if we’re giving the “evidence” of Reaper76 the same sort of weight that we can give Anahardt, then we need to hope that their intentions are there.  I know that’s a lot to ask, so I’m not asking for anyone to stick with them for that long.  As I said in the beginning, I myself am toeing the line.  Rather than wait to be drip-feed “implied relationship content” between Reaper/Gabriel and Soldier: 76/Jack, I’ve done what many do and tried to work on my own content for myself.  It’s been satisfying to do, and when new content does come out, I’m excited, but each comic feels too short and each animation is spaced so far appart from each other.Sorry if this rambled a lot.  The short of it is:If any ship is going to become canon, I think it will be Anahardt.  The second ship that might become canon is actually Reaper76, but don’t be surprised if it takes another year, two years to get there.  Soon TM and all that jazz.  And while I have other ships, I’m not holding out for any of those, including Bunnyribbit, which I know the HotS team and even Johnny Cruz really like.  I could probably write a whole post on the economics and social aspects of shipping, and how media companies profit when they DON’T confirm ships vs. when they do.  Blizzard’s choice to create Emily and put her in a canonical romantic relationship with “their mascot” Tracer/Lena is an incredible choice against the “economy of free shipping” (lol), and I’m waiting to see if they’ll do it again with another ship in Overwatch.  Only time will tell.

[putschki1969]

Keiko’s hair

With all the talk on twitter regarding today’s blog post pictures and the acoustic live ticket design, I decided to do some quick detective work.

I think I can say with some certainty that the ticket picture was taken WAY back in September. Remember the countdown pictures that were posted by Kalafina staff to remind us to vote in the 10th Anniversary Song Selection Poll?

Here’s the one that was posted on Sep 13.

Just look at their respective hairstyles, they are they exact same. The tiny sneak peek we get of Keiko’s outfit is also very telling if you ask me.

So yeah, for me that’s enough proof to believe that it’s just a fancy up-do as I orginally suspected when we first got to see the ticket design.

As for today’s blog post pics, I guess she either braided her hair or maybe she has tucked it underneath her pullover (I remember she once mentioned that she liked to do that). Basically all we see is the shorter hair she has at the front...

Oh well, either way, it doesn’t matter. She looks gorgeous with both long AND short hair!! Just look at this cutiepie and tell me she doesn’t look AMAZING with short hair??!!!

If anything, I think this incident has once again made me realise that people need to chill out when it comes to things like this. It’s amazing how many people were/are freaking out about this. I was reminded of the time when pictures of the 2015 Christmas Pamphlet came out, the one where Hikaru had that pixie hairstyle and every one was going crazy. It’s just HAIR!!!! Yes, we all have our preferences and we are entitled to love certain hairstyles more than others but there’s no reason to make such a big deal out of a haircut. At the end of the day it’s Keiko’s choice (or Hikaru’s or whoever is getting their hair done). We as fans have to respect decisions like that. Being a fan can quickly turn into an obsession, believe me, I know what I am talking about, I’d definitely call myself obsessed. And hey, that’s TOTALLY a-OKAY!!! HOWEVER, there are certain lines that cannot be crossed. Many fans think they OWN their idols, they believe they have a say when it comes to their idols’ looks, weight, habits, opinions, dating life, etc...We do NOT have the right to be this controlling or to demand anything from them. They are humans and they should be treated as such.

In this fandom I have seen all kinds of comments regarding things the girls SHOULD or SHOULD NOT DO according to fans but really, it is not our place to decide how they do things in their private life, how they get their hair done, how they dress (whether it be revealing or modestly), what they eat (whether that be junk food, candy, tons of meat or whatever), what they drink (whether it be wine, beer or any other alcoholic beverage), how and on what they spend their money, how they behave, who they end up dating/marrying....you get the gist.

Ughhh, sorry, this got a little out of hand but that’s just what I think about this topic....

[arplis]

Arplis - News: Uk Concept Grocery Bag Dispenser

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Arplis - News source https://arplis.com/blogs/news/uk-concept-grocery-bag-dispenser

[junker-town]

Twitch streaming is a job that’s harder than it looks. Here’s how gamers stay balanced

SB Nation talked to five streamers about how they practice self-care while working demanding hours.

Twitch streamers are a different breed, especially those who are playing video games for several hours a day. Many are passionate about their work, but it still requires streamers to be mindful of their physical and mental health.

Most streamers are live for anywhere between four and 10 hours a day (sometimes longer!), delivering entertainment to anywhere from tens — to tens of thousands — of viewers. That time alone is exhausting, but there’s more to it.

I wanted to talk to streamers at TwitchCon who were family-friendly and maintained positive vibes. That type of energy is important on its own, but there’s also no way it comes easy every day, and that’s what I found in talking to these people — all who are at different spots on the same path.

However, they’re all making it work swimmingly, and their messages for wellness were unsurprisingly similar.

If you’re as big as Nick Eh 30, who recently switched from YouTube to Twitch, you have to balance not only streaming but competitive gaming, meetings, exercise, and events like TwitchCon all into the routine. I experienced a good chunk of this Friday at TwitchCon, and just watching him made me tired.

View this post on Instagram

Just your daily reminder!

A post shared by Nick Eh 30 (@nickeh30) on Sep 28, 2019 at 5:21pm PDT

Thousands of people watch him play Fortnite every day, but they don’t see the time that goes into managing his brand, the core of which requires making videos for YouTube or Instagram, which can take up several hours.

There’s also pressures that come with live-streaming itself similar to what athletes experience. ONE_Shot_GURL, who has been streaming for four years now, keeps up incredible energy during her streams. Her passion also fuels the pressure she feels to maintain that energy every day.

“I’ve built that community with my blood, sweat, and tears for four years,” she says. “People expect, at least for me, they expect a good attitude …

“So in those moments where I’m crushed because I got wrecked, or somebody danced on me or something, and I just want to lash out and be negative, you feel that pressure.”

SanchoWest, who has been streaming for five years now, loves gaming, and it shows in his broadcasts. He says he looks at live-streaming as a form of entertainment and takes pride in being a storyteller.

“That’s why battle royales (like Fortnite) are so great as a viewer,” he says. “There’s a beginning, middle, and end. It’s all natural and organic, and you can talk to your audience and build [the story].”

It also forces streamers to keep things fresh, which he did when Fortnite collaborated with Batman. SanchoWest streamed all day with a Batman mask on and the results paid off.

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Batman plays Fortnite and don't touch his loot

A post shared by SanchoWest (@sanchowest) on Sep 21, 2019 at 9:11am PDT

That’s another big theme with SanchoWest’s streaming strategy, along with the rest of the gamers here — gaming and streaming are supposed to be fun. Who doesn’t like to have fun online?

But that life isn’t always easy because these people are human, after all.

Clay Stehling, who has been streaming for about two years now and casting games, knows that people arrive to the stream every day with the same expectations, some of which are unrealistic.

“Sometimes, just in real life, you’re just not having a good day,” he says. “You got a headache, sometimes you just got done being sick and you have to stream because it’s your job and you’re not able to perform to your best abilities.”

That’s relatable no matter what you do, whether you’re a streamer, an accountant, a professional athlete, flippin’ burgers, whatever. Some days you just don’t have it, and that’s OK. But it’s fair to say the pressure to perform looms larger for these folks because they’re broadcasting themselves to the world.

Collectively, the responsibilities that come with streaming can make the job both mentally and physically exhausting. Many of Twitch’s top streamers do plenty of work to keep the good vibes going. Both Stehling and Nick Eh 30 take time to exercise, even during their respective streams, to keep the blood flowing.

Nick Eh 30 also takes time in the morning to get a good workout in, even though he (the simultaneously most energized and polite person I’ve ever met) swears he’s not a morning person. “It’s weird, you think you’d be more tired afterwards,” he says. “But it wakes me up, it makes me feel good about myself knowing after sitting down for such a long period of time that I exercised for the day.”

SanchoWest compares the physicality of it to an office job because you’re sitting down for many hours of the day. “Your body’s not supposed to be sitting that long,” he says. “You can stretch as much as you want, you can walk as much as you want, but sitting for a long time can be problematic, and that’s the Catch-22.”

When it comes to mental health, streamers say it’s about taking time for themselves and surrounding themselves with good people.

HeadShotChick is a college student, works a full-time job, and streams five days a week. She’s been streaming for 18 months and quickly made her way up to a Twitch partner (which grants streamers with larger followings more features and verification). She says surrounding herself with other positive friends and streamers has been huge for her well-being. “If you surround yourself with negative people, you’re going to start feeling those negative vibes,” she says. “So if you can keep yourself around those positive people and get those good vibes, then it helps you keep your mindset well.”

Sometimes negative vibes are unavoidable. Whether in video comments or in the live stream’s chat, negativity is hard to avoid when you’re dealing with online personas and viewers. Everybody I spoke to admitted that at one point or another, the comments would get to them, but they’ve learned how to cope with them.

Nick Eh 30, who has over 500,000 followers on Twitch, and over 5 million on YouTube, gets tons of comments a day. He’s mastered how to handle the negativity and foster a friendly environment.

“People like attention on the internet, they want to get recognized,” he says. “So if you’re responding to positive comments, and not negative, people are going to say, ‘I want my comment read. What do I got to do? Oh, he’s reading this one, this one, this one, I’m going to write a positive comment.’ But if you’re only responding to the negative comments, ignoring the 10 nice ones for the one negative, people are going to see that. And they’re going to write a hate comment too just so they can get acknowledged.”

Stehling also emphasizes the importance of self-worth, which takes time to build up, especially if you aren’t used to dealing with negativity online. “I put my value in myself, and my family, and people around me. That’s how I know my self-worth, not from people on the internet. Not from Anonymous382757 that can make seven different accounts. Because as soon as you do that, as soon as you put your value on what other people think of you, it’s a downward spiral, and it’s hard to get out of.”

And of course, the positivity these streamers have deliberately cultivated helps when it comes to hate comments, as well. They’re able to go to people, whether family members, friends, or other creators, and talk. Even if it’s not about a specific comment, Julie mentions, “Just hearing their voice helps.”

Streamers are constantly juggling being entertaining, interacting with fans and, of course, being good at gaming. They’ll tell you that their success is attainable, but your heart has to be in it. All of it.

“If you want to stream, and you are getting into it for the money, you’re in it for the wrong reason from Day 1,” Stehling says. “You’re going to get burned out.”

And that’s not just for live-streaming, it’s also for the time put in off-stream, as well. “You can stream 24 hours a day,” Stehling says. “But if you’re not working to interact with those people on Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, wherever it may be, your streaming time is not going to have those people. Your stream time is to retain the people you build relationships with, to entertain them further.”

There also has to be a balance, which ONE_Shot_GURL points to as not only a means of production but happiness. “If you can find the balance between a game that you love, and a game that will bring you viewers, you will be good to go.”

Professional streamers have to be mindful of viewership numbers, which can be unhealthy to obsess over. It’s why SanchoWest is a big proponent of not looking at how many viewers he, or any streamer, might have in any moment.

“It blows my mind,” he says. “You could be watching Netflix, you could be watching Hulu, you could be watching the football game, but you’re literally hanging out with me playing video games, like chillin with me right now.” And no matter how many viewers he might have, that’s more than good enough for him.

ONE_Shot_GURL expands on that, saying it’s “The one thing we can never get back in life. You can’t get more time. You can get more money, you can get more clothes, you can work to elevate your status.

“But you can never get more time. You can’t get it.”