#not a half-assed culture full of characters we. had no emotional attachment to

[izloveshorses]

the 100: so here’s more screen time explaining grounder culture--

me: 

[readingrobin]

A little bit late, but here are the rest of the books that I managed to finish before the end of @logarithmicpanda's summer readathon. By some miracle I read 22 books during the month of June. Absolutely bonkers.

Books Finished:

Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao - One of the most refreshing books I've read in a LONG time. Just the pure, raw emotion poured onto the page that comes to a satisfying and cathartic head at the climax. Honestly, we need to carve out more of a space for women's anger in fiction without making them out to be horrible monsters for actually being upset at their situations. So much in YA fiction, the female lead always has to be merciful, always has to be the bigger person in the end, but here, there's really no time for mercy and no one that won't ultimately take advantage of it. Can't wait for the sequel! (5/5)

The Last House on Needless Street by Catriona Ward - An ultimate mindfuck of a book. It's the kind of story you immediately want to reread just so that you can go back and see everything knowing what you do now. Also, has such a strangely satisfying and hopeful ending that you don't really see in horror too often. (4/5)

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett - Not my first time with Good Omens, I've probably read the book maybe three times now, but it's my first time with the audiobook. The one I listened to had a full cast, complete with David Tennant and Michael Sheen as Crowley and Aziraphale. Naturally, their performances were excellent and it was neat to see them put new spins on dialogue that they had already read for the show, as well as put their voices to scenes that didn't make the transition to the screen. (Aziraphale's possession world tour was a highlight.) The rest of the cast was amazing as well, like Arthur Darvill as Newt, Gabrielle Glaister as Madame Tracy and Louis Davison as Adam. Definitely recommended for those who love the show. (5/5)

No One Is Talking About This by Patricia Lockwood - Had to read this one for work and I wasn't too blown away by it even though it was shortlisted for the Booker Prize. It's a sort of almost autiobiographical story about a woman's experience with her rise in social media fame, with the first part mostly being tiny chunks of texts of "hot takes" I've seen a lot around the Internet and the second half taking a more emotional, personal turn. However, because of the writing style, I never really felt attached to the main character, and her grief and loss just rang a little hollow for me because of it. It's a book where you have to be familiar with Internet culture to get all the references and nuance, but not too familiar to the point where all these takes are just expected at this point. It'll have an impact on some people, but I wasn't one of them. (2/5)

How to Fracture a Fairy Tale by Jane Yolen - An anthology of fractured fairy tales that I had a better time reading than Yolen's other collection The Emerald Circus. There was a lot of variety in the kind of stories told, there was even a good smattering of Jewish stories which I rarely see, so it's not just your Cinderella or Sleeping Beauty retellings, though there are a bit of those here, but they find a new sort of charm through their reframings. (4/5)

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation Vol. 1 by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu - Though the writing style of the translated book was a bit tough to settle into at first, I had a blast reading this one. Wei Wuxian is such a little ass and I love how his personality conflicts with the more stoic Lan Wangji. I love me a good odd couple. (4/5)

Real Hero Shit by Kendra Wells - Sort of your basic, D&D one shot plot of a ragtag group of adventurers going out on a mission to investigate disappearances in a certain town. We got the flirty fighter, a snarky spellcaster, the good-natured cleric, and the mysterious rogue. The art style was pretty good, it's something I would probably pick up if it has a continuation. It just has the one trope that annoys me of "clearly these two characters have some sort of tension, so they're just going bone it out and get it over with." (3.5/5)

[iheartbuckynat]

Infinity War Spoilers (I need to vent and word-vomit and I have SO MANY EMOTIONS)

Random thoughts and a ton of spoilers...

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Who is/going to be permanently dead:

I’m actually only worried for the following characters: Heimdall, Loki and Vision. Gamora will quite clearly be one of the central figures to bring about Thanos’ demise since they’ve suggested pretty heavily that she’s trapped in the Soul Stone. Also, they can’t make a GotG 3 without her (and of course they’ll make a 3rd one). Plus it goes a long way to explain/lessen their use of the whole ‘kill a woman for all the man-pain’ trope, which would be kinda terrible if that really was the true plan (and I don’t think the Russos would stoop to quite that level). So yeah, Gamora will be fine.

Shuri might fix Vision, but like Jarvis and Groot whose successors are different people, I doubt Vision will be completely the same. Who knows, maybe Shuri did something to download his memories/personality? (One can only hope!)

Loki’s growth throughout the MCU has been huge and he’s now gone full circle: from hero to villain to anti-hero back to hero. He repaired his relationship with Thor, but he killed people in the past and so he has a lot to answer for, plus there’s no plot-driven need to bring him back, his death is good revenge-fuel for Thor (even though a 3rd fake death might be nice and in keeping with who Loki is - the trickster who always gets away - they did really hammer home in the movie that this was for real... doth Thor hammer it home a little too much, though? Mayhap. Or maybe I’m just being naïvely hopeful). Heimdall, as beloved as he is, is a secondary character. Unless they bring ALL of Asgard back - which would be nice, since Thor could kind of go there and rule a less colonial-like version of it for the rest of his days after they defeat Thanos (he’s obviously not going to stay on Earth since Hemsworth’s contract is up), but I don’t know. It would be kind of cruel to erase everything Waititi did in Ragnarok (or maybe that’s why he was able to have so much fun? Because he knew that IW was going to need a destroyed Asguard to work? So he had a lot of freedom to play?)

Those 4 were the only ones not ‘snap’ killed (aside from the Asgardians on the ship - and, yeah, they better not have killed off Valkeryie! I am hoping she’ll turn up in A4? Thanos only killed half of all the Asgardians so I’m thinking she took the survivors to get away when Thanos let them go, and that when they’re safe she’ll come back? Maybe even with Sif? (Doubtful, though)).

As a lot of other people have mentioned, Captain Marvel is in the 90s and there have been rumours of time travel. Those who were snap killed will certainly return so I’m not worried about any of those deaths... But I love Heimdall and Loki, and I’d feel bad for Wanda if Vision didn’t come back.

I hope they do bring them back.

I hope Valkyrie escaped with Korg and some of the others and is keeping them safe on some random planet. T_T

I’m also a little worried for Steve, Thor and Tony, although since they pulled a semi-‘gotcha’ with Tony looking like he was certainly going to die only to survive, and with all their mentions of a wedding and kids, I think they’re done with the ‘is Tony going to die’ drama and just have him retire. It’s been 3 Iron Mans, 2 Avengers and a Captain America of Pepper/Tony angst. CACW was the full break-up drama, and for the past 2 films, Pepper and Tony have been happy. They’re not going leave them in a bad place. It’s a superhero movie, and to paraphrase Deadpool, I doubt they’ll go DC-dark.

Hopefully they’ll let Steve retire too, but that tweet about Buckycap from the Russo brothers could go 3 ways (retired Steve leaves it to Bucky; dead Steve inspires Bucky to become Cap; or the Russos were faking it - they did lie to us via the trailers, they had fake scripts etc so it’s not impossible) so honestly, I don’t know. They might have to kill off Steve. I don’t want that. Let Steve rest. And it might just be plausible for him to do that after he meets Captain Marvel. She and the new generation of Avengers could give him enough peace of mind to let him retire.

I don’t think Thor’s going to die. They just spent this whole movie telling us that Thor continues to want to help people even when he has nothing left. Usually a character like that is axed in the end to ‘be with those he lost’ or some other trope-y nonsense (it’s not a plot ending I usually enjoy, as you can tell...) and I didn’t get that feeling here. I think, even if we don’t see Thor again in the MCU after A4, they’ll have him off-camera either ruling a remade Asgard/rebuilding a home for the remaining Asguardians, or traversing the nine realms, helping people.

By the way, he was, hands down, the best thing about this movie. They kept all the important parts of Ragnarok, I could see them, and they married it so, so, so well to his more serious side. He felt right. It felt like this was him at his fullest potential. The height of this long personal-growth story from Thor 1. I love that Pirate/Angel baby.

The Death reactions:

Everyone is commenting on how Tom Holland nailed his scene, and he did. He 100% totally did. I was weeping for that poor, scared child. It was like a stab to the heart. And for Tony, knowing there was nothing he could do but hold him... oh my gosh. It tore my heart to shreds. A+++ Tom Holland.

A lot of people said similar things about how well done Elizabeth Olsen and Paul Bettany’s scene was. And it did get my feels going, but there were others that hit me just as hard, literally just as hard as the other two: Okoye seeing T’Challa disappear before her, and her cries for him to come back, just as we see Sam disappear, alone, no-one there with him (Rhodes arrives too late to see it happen) and Rocket has to watch, again, as a beloved Groot dies (... and oh jebus he doesn’t know yet that the ENTIRETY of the GotG gang are dead except for him). Okoye lives to serve Wakanda, she loves T’Challa (not romantically, of course), to her he is the embodiment of Wakanda. Her entire being is dedicated to protecting him, her friend, her king and he just... disappears in front of her. The horror in her eyes, the helplessness of her voice as she begs him to come back... I’m tearing up right now.

Don’t even get me started on Steve. Bucky was the first to go via snap death, and I do have a soft spot for him, so it hit me like a ton of bricks; Steve barely had time to register Vision’s second death and their overall failure before he loses the one thing he had left to tie him to his past - one of the few people he really loved (romantically or platonically, however you choose to interpret it, Bucky mattered). Steve Rogers has been through a lot. This sucked. It sucked so hard. All of these characters have lost so much, and Steve’s no exception. And we didn’t even get a BuckyNat moment (not that I’m mad about it, tbh. I’m glad they resolved the Brutasha thing nicely and kept Bruce’s character from Ragnarok (Waititi’s anxious, awkward nerd is so much better than Whedon’s hypocritical jerk nerd). It’d be way too soon to suggest BuckyNat, but I hope maybe to see it in the BW movie and maybe get a hint of it in A4?)

And then there was Drax. Oh my gosh, Drax! I didn’t realise just how attached to him I was until he was disappearing. I was not prepared for his panic, his soft calling out to Quill, not understanding what was happening to him and desperate for Peter to stop it. It was all just so terribly sad. No matter what he says, it just shows how much he looks to Peter as his leader, how much he loves him. I wanted to hug that big lug.

And then of course, there was Thor watching Heimdall and Loki die... I don’t even want to remember that... and mourning his brother? It was, like, the first 5 minutes and already I was balling. Damn you, Marvel. Damn you.

Ok, that’s enough sad talk.

Things I loved:

- Cap, Widow and Falcon’s entrance. So badass. SO BAD ASS.

- Black Widow in this movie. This was like CAWS Black Widow. This is the BW I love. She didn’t have much screen time but every moment felt right with her.

- Thor’s... everything, really. Every second he was on screen, conscious or unconscious. He was funny, kind, breaking stereotypes, powerful, cool, bad ass... he’s my favourite.

- Peter’s pop culture references. And his basing plans on 80s movies.

- Those plans working.

- Ned. He was on screen for 30 seconds and he made me cackle.

- AVENGERS ICE-CREAM.

- “WHY is Gamora?”

- Wong. He was there for 5 minutes and he was hilarious. “200 rupees” XD

- Drax being ‘invisible’.

- The Gamora/Nebula bond.

- “Dude. You’re embarrassing me in front of the wizards.”

- THE BUCKY AND ROCKET MOMENT WHERE ROCKET WANTS BUCKY’S ARM. THAT’S ALL I ASKED FOR AND THEY DELIVERED. AND BUCKY LITERALLY PICKED UP ROCKET AND TWIRLED HIM AROUND SO HE COULD KILL MORE EFFECTIVELY. THEY ARE KINDRED SPIRITS. WHO BOTH LOVE GUNS AND WERE REPEATEDLY MADE AND UNMADE AND WERE TORTURED AND FELT SO UNLOVED AND OK NOW IT’S BECOMING SAD AGAIN.

- Okoye and her hilarious quips.

- The GotG intro.

- PETER DINKLAGE. WHO IS A GIANT DWARF.

- “Not if I don’t die.”

- Bruce’s inner Hulk conflict.

- Rhodes messing with Bruce.

- “If you throw another moon at me I’m gonna lose it.”

- Peter Quill being jealous of Thor.

- “I would have washed that.”

- Tony’s nano tech.

- Bucky and his quips.

- How Peter got the Iron Spider suit.

- The Red Skull?!!?!?

- “You speak Groot?” / “It was an elective.”

- Understanding Thanos’ terribly flawed plan, his dedication to it and why he really does believe it’s for the greater good, and his genuine, proven, deep love for his favourite daughter. That’s what makes him so terrifyingly real. Real monsters aren’t just evil for the sake of being evil. Real monsters have good parts to them. They love, they’re the heroes of their own stories. But those redeeming features are no excuse for their monstrosity, their vileness. He’s an excellent, complex and terrifying super-villain.

- How Shuri awed Bruce with her super brain.

- Whoever thought to put Rocket, Groot and Thor together.

- “Rabbit”

- “Morons”

- Fury’s “motherfuc-“

- “This is my friend, Tree.” / “I am Groot” / “I am Steve Rogers”.

Where were these characters?!

Antman, Hawkeye and Nakia? I assume it’s because they’ll have biggish roles in A4? It also leads me to think the Antman & Wasp movie might have some serious significance to A4. We already know that the upcoming Captain Marvel will be important, for obvious reasons, but I’m thinking that since Antman & Wasp is the next movie to be shown after IW, it’s probably going to give us something (is that really obvious to other people and I’m just missing something? XD)

(Also, again, where was Valkyrie? And while I’m at it, where was Betty Ross? Will she turn up on A4? Or was that fake too?)

I’m going to go weep in a corner now.

[1111ljk]

time lapse

“Sometimes I miss you the way someone drowning misses the air.

- Tim Seibles

Jeon Jungkook remembers his first love.

count  ➵ 2327 words

genre  ➵ fluff/angst

theme  ➵ first love, friendship, time

characters  ➵ jungkook/oc

PART: Chapter 1 - New

coming soon  ➵ chapter 2

links      [intro]

  If the word 'awkward' were a person, that person would be Jeon Jungkook. He sat there, biting his inner lower lip and fiddling with his fingers as he took short glances at the class that was bursting with excitement. He could hear a group at the front - he assumed they were boys - loudly yelling inner jokes at each other. They poked fun at some girls who only replied with sassy remarks and the rolling of their eyes. There were a couple of students who were quiet like him, but that was because they were too indulged in their books, scribbling what seemed like formulas into their notepads, most likely what they just learned in class earlier on. Jungkook looked around, seeing students leave the room in groups and some alone. He watched the class empty itself until it was just him basking in the sound of absolute silence, or so he thought.

    "Hi," he heard a voice to which he felt a light tap on his shoulder follow. He turned his head slightly to his left, finding himself face to face with a shy beauty. She had long straight brown hair that fell beautifully just past her shoulders and pink lips tinted by a sunset orange liquid.. She would be the living, breathing, walking, human summer... if summer felt cold and empty. Sort of. Jungkook thinks it's the way her lips were slightly turned downwards, or the way her jet black eyes showed no emotion, none, but that glint of interest in him. An ice princess, he concluded. The boy recognized her. She, too, was a new student, like him. "I'm Jihyun. Do you perhaps wanna...I mean... yeah... cause we're new students-"

   Jungkook blinked for a few milliseconds and awkwardly nodded, cutting the girl off midsentence. He couldn't hide the tinge of red that spread through his cheeks - a pretty girl was talking to him after all. On much normal days, Jungkook would have shied away and eagerly, yet politely, shake his head, preferring to suffer alone and in awkward silence so long as he didn't have to embarrass himself in front of the opposite sex, but was he really in any position to decline such a friendly offer? Perhaps, he should really start opening up more. After all, he was turning eighteen this year, he had to start being more confident. Plus, he really needed a friend around, not that he was sure they would be. He takes another look at Jihyun,a gleam of hope in her eyes. Perhaps, they could be.

   Timidly walking towards the cafeteria, the pair caught a couple of suspicious eyes and inaudible teasing remarks from their fellow classmates. He felt his cheeks grew red, much worse than before, and looked at Jihyun, seeing that her cheeks were a rosy red as well. They both realized and let out a chuckle to relieve the tension between them as they lined up for the food. After choosing their lunch from a variety of food - Jungkook could've eaten everything but he knew there was a limit to what he was allowed to take - both he and Jihyun sat at the nearest vacant table. He watched as she shyly settled in her seat, taking small bites of her kimchi and he wouldn't lie - he kinda adored it. Shy and feminine girls were Jungkook's sole weakness, and it didn't help that Jihyun was also absolutely attractive. But it wasn't long until he figured out that it was only a typical female's initial appearance.

   Jungkook was a nice person. He was so nice that the mere thought of hurting anyone's feelings scared him. He was far too innocent to commit such a sin. He rarely had friends, neither did he make any, so he never experienced the bickering culture of friendship. It was due to his inexperience with friendship that Jihyun opening up to him in that way was anything but flattering. He wasn't sure if it was just him or Jihyun was just being too rude for the first meeting, but Jungkook felt a little repelled when she called him 'stupid'. Of course, he wasn't that naive either. He knew that's how teens, people his age, tend to call each other nowadays, but he thought that's what they did when they were close enough. He concluded that it was just her character.

   "No, stupid, Zootopia's so entertaining!" she argued, her mouth half-full with rice and beef bulgogi. Jungkook felt a little uncomfortable at the sight, but he wasn't dumb enough to be a jerk and offend who could be his first friend at school.

   "But isn't that too childish? You're, like, seventeen!" he fought back, slightly grossed out by how full her mouth was - she was a mess. Jungkook was nearly eighteen, he had no interest in childish movies like Jihyun did. He was all in for realism.

   "No, I promise you, it's so cute," she laughed, shaking her head and taking a sip of her water. "We should watch it! It's showing in this one cinema for this weekend." 

    Jungkook debated with himself on whether or not he should go. Weekends are for sleep and for hobbies, a time away from school and stress. And by stress, that included having to deal with Jihyun's constant pestering and perhaps even a mouth half-full of popcorn as she spoke incomprehensibly. But then again, he had to make friends, and being picky with people was against his moral code. "Fine!"

    Just as he was about to take another bite of his rice, he felt someone slide gracefully to his right. He looked at Jihyun, who looked slightly taken aback by the sudden appearance of a person, then looked to his right. He recognized this girl: she was the class president. She was tall with a slender frame, her hair slightly wavy which fell to her waist, and lips shaped so well that lipstick companies would argue for her. If Jihyun was the sweet one-sided romance in summer, this girl was that beach party on the first day of vacation. Jungkook also took notice of her overall appearance, he would have thought she wasn't of the same nationality. She smiled sweetly at Jungkook, then putting her attention on Jihyun. Jungkook only curtly nodded, turning his attention back to his food, unfazed. 

  "I'm Ari," she smiled, picking at her food and taking small bites, the way Jihyun did at first. Her mannerism put Jungkook on alert mode - what if this was also a typical female initial appearance?

  "I'm Jihyun," the girl in front of him greeted her back, a smug grin on her face. "You're the class president, right?"

   Ari chuckled, nodding as her eyes turned into crescents. "Yes, I am, you are both new students, right?"

   "Yeah," Jihyun replied as she chewed the beef a bit more quietly this time, to Jungkook's surprise. Perhaps Jihyun did have manners. "You're very pretty! I thought you were a foreigner at first! Are you perhaps a model?"

   "Nah, but how fun would that be, huh?" the girl to his right giggled, making Jungkook look at her with his eyes. "I'd get money even without having to memorize formulas all day."

   "I'm Jungkook," the boy finally decided to speak up, forcing a sweet smile on his face. "Nice to meet you!"

   "Nice to meet you, too, Jungkook!" she smiled at him and Jungkook hated himself because his heart skipped a beat. His naive ass would never be experienced in dating, much less, girls. He decided it would be best to control himself. He should focus on his studies anyways. It's the last and most important year of high school after all.

   They talked for a little more, finishing their meals together and cleaning up together until the bell had rung. Jihyun's actual personality was revealed. She clearly wasn't as feminine as he thought her out to be, but she wasn't that bad. In fact, Jungkook had grown a little attached to the way she vulgarly joked around with him and even to Ari. He also found out that perhaps his ideal type had been wrong this whole time - Ari was nowhere near it yet she had somehow been stealing all of his attention. The amount of times he nearly stuttered, the amount of times his heart skipped a beat... Jungkook was also a mess. Then again, he could blame his inexperienced, no-girlfriend-since-birth, and girl-avoiding ass. But he had to change - he was in high school now after all.

          The trio walked back to class together, with Jungkook being in the middle of the two girls. He had to admit, it made him feel sort of macho - after all, both girls were very attractive. He figured out just how popular Ari was once he stepped in the classrooom. Half the male population in the room eyed him from head to toe, some raising an eyebrow, and some scoffing. He wasn't the least bit surprised with how tense the atmosphere had become - Ari was beautiful, after all. Now, he just wondered how he was going to deal with several green-eyed monsters on his first day of school.

      Ari proceeded to talk to her friends, bidding Jihyun and Jungkook goodbye, while the latter two settled in their seats, returning to the initial awkward silence. There was nothing to talk about anymore but Jungkook wished he could change that. He longed to have a friend, a proper one, one where there was no small talk but just pure comfort. He wanted a friend who could just smack the back of his head and he would do the same without having to bring up fists later on. Okay, perhaps, the second one wasn't applicable to Jihyun considering she was a girl. That would be unkind of him to do so. He wonders if she wanted it too, for a friendship to blossom between the both of them. From the corner of his eye, he could see Jihyun wanted the same as well. 

     "Hey, new kid," a voice from above him bellows as a shadow grows from the edge of his desk. Jungkook looks up to see one of his classmates, Jimin, as he reads on his name tag, smiling down at him. "Wanna hang with us later on?"

      Jungkook only blinked, slightly confused and taken aback by such a straightforward question. To Jimin's left was a taller guy with chocolate brown hair, messy yet somehow nicely styled, and a face that God probably worked so hard on. God also probably bragged about this one to the angels above. He was Taehyung and Jungkook could say he felt a little intimidated until Taehyung actually smiled. Somehow, it was comforting. On Jimin's other side was a girl who looked like she radiated beauty. Ari was beautiful, but no one could compare to this girl. She had that innocent beauty, just as Jihyun did, yet there was a hint of mystery in her. Maybe it was because of the contrast of her pale skin to her dark black hair and fuschia pink lips. Jungkook read her nametag, careful not to stare too long as the tag was pinned near a very dangerous place to look at. Ah, Yeoreum. He looked at all three of them, slightly becoming self-conscious as they stared at him, waiting for an answer.

     "I mean, why...n-not?" he answered, scolding himself mentally for accidentally bringing out his Busan accent. He had tried so hard to work on it all summer, to hide it, so he could fit in.

     "You can bring your friend too, uh," Taehyung looked behind Jungkook, squinting. "Jihyun...?"

     Jihyun smiled, nodding her head shyly, and Jungkook could only think of how surprising it will be for Taehyung and Jimin if they find out how she really was. "Well, alright, class is starting, talk to you two later I guess," Jimin grinned as he and Taehyung left to get back to their seats, leaving only Yeoreum behind.

    Yeoreum had her eyebrows furrowed together, arms crossed over her chest, and eyes squinting at Jungkook, as if she was trying to solve a crime case and Jungkook was the suspect. She bent over, hovering her face from Jungkook's right then to his left. If he thought he was conscious of his appearance before, he's even much more conscious of his face now that Yeoreum was looking at it up close. She stood up, back straight. "Busan, huh?"

    Her eyes flicked down to his nametag and Jungkook slightly turned his head towards Jihyun, who was just as confused as he was. He turned back to the other girl, her eyes widening by the second. 

    "J-Jeon Jungkook?" she stuttered, a slow yet genuine grin forming on her face. "It's me! Yeoreum!"

    Jungkook could only blink, her squeal immediately catching both Jimin and Taehyung's attention from the front. "I'm sorry?"

    "Park Yeoreum, 5th grade!" she continued, slapping him lightly on the arm as she giggled, to which he was still confused with. Not to mention, that hit stung. She then shook her head, still grinning ."Remember the ddukbokki afterschools? And your book that I never returned?"

    And that's when it hit him, It was the Park Yeoreum.

author’s note: sorry for the very long wait for this short update. i've recently just started writing again after so many failed attempts of getting back into writing - so i hope you can bear with me. i have had writer's block for around two years and i feel I've gone to a slump since then. right now, I have the ideas and I have the outline - i just don't know why i'm not so motivated to write anymore. anyways, enough about this stuff, hope you enjoyed this chapter! i will try my very best to upload the next one as soon as possible.

6.3.17

[scripturehomosexuality]

Fruits of the “Straight”-”Gay” Dichotomy: How Modern Attitudes Affect a Budding Bromance

For the past few weeks and months, this blog has studied how modern sexual concepts are affecting our society. This website has also studied how the “Straight”-”Gay” dichotomy - and the ideas it pushes - causes certain modern trends. However, it’s one thing to read about overall trends and how they affect larger society. It’s quite another to see how it affects individual lives, especially those you know.

That is the purpose of this post: to study the real emotional toll that modern sexual concepts cause, as seen in regular people. This is part of the series “Fruits of the ‘Straight’-’Gay’ Dichotomy”. This series will analyze how that dichotomy manifests itself in complex, subtle ways we don’t think about. This will be done by analyzing certain mundane phenomena (like forum posts), and seeing how the dichotomy influences attitudes displayed therein. It will point out how much the dichotomy (and its ideas) rule our lives, how much damage it causes, and exactly why this system must be destroyed at once.

For this post, we will be studying a December 2012 forum from LoveShack.org, entitled “Is he gay or is this JUST a bromance?” In looking through this page, it might provide a case study into how modern ideas affect relationships between men, and how they are perceived by observers.

The Opening Post

The forum post is started by member “KandiceHanson”, who is worried about her significant other. It should be noted that the words “husband” and “boyfriend” are used in reference to the man. For simplicity’s sake, we’ll just call him the husband.

Going on with the post, “KandiceHanson” knows that her husband loves her, because he shows it regularly . However, she is very concerned about her husband’s bromance with another married man. She described them as being very “touchy-feely”. They also regularly exchanged texts with language such as "I love you", "I miss seeing you", and "I'm always here for you love". They are so close to each other, the husband will drop everything if something goes wrong with his friend.

What perplexes “KandiceHanson” the most is the following: whenever she labels such actions as “gay”, he becomes deeply offended. It also seems that he finds “gay sex” distasteful.  This is despite the fact that “he hugs this guy all the time, is always texting him and making sure they each get home safely and whether or not the other is mad at each other for whatever reason.”

Because of all of this, she asks other forum members this question: is her husband “gay”, “bi”, or is she “barking up the wrong tree”?

Further Context From Other Posts

As it turns out, this is not the first time “KandiceHanson” has expressed concern about her husband. In fact, she had written a similar post the year before.

In that post, she mentions that the man (called “boyfriend” in this post) had been dating her for two years already, and that their relationship was solid. However, when looking through his phone, she found the following message: “Thank you for working with me, you're a great seller!!!! I'll leave amazing feedback when I receive the items! Also, that's a great picture of you, very cute [smiley face emoji].”  

What was the problem with that text? It was sent to a male colleague.

Given the content of the 2011 post, combined with that of the ongoing 2012 post, user “veggirl” yells out “HE IS GAY!!”

Is the Husband “Gay”?

To begin with our analysis, let’s answer the main question: Is the husband “gay”?

In answering that question, there is a fact that we must establish: same-sex attraction is far from a minority condition. Indeed, it is a majority phenomenon, and can be experienced by most humans, whether they admit to it or not.  Admittedly, under our modern sexual ideas, the truth of this might be somewhat obscured, but it doesn’t make it any less true. Thus, in the case of the husband, I personally think that he is attracted to his friend. I also think that such situations are more typical than most people realize or will acknowledge.

However, some readers might then object with the following: “If he is attracted to his friend, doesn’t that mean that he’s ‘gay’”? My response to that is a resounding “no”. I agree with the man’s assertion that he’s not “gay”, and I’ll tell you why.

When most people make that suggestion, they may not be aware that the word “gay” has a double meaning. One is the sexual meaning of “same-sex attraction”. The other is the sexual, cultural, and political meaning that attaches same-sex attraction to a “gay” culture of gender-atypical behavior, drag, and anal play. Those meanings are not often distinguished, but both are used heavily in discussions about “gay” topics. One example is a Youtube video discussing if a man can be “gay” yet dislike anal sex. In the video, the poster uses both meanings, and switches between both silently and seamlessly.  

This is why I don’t use the word to describe general same-sex phenomena, since it causes needless confusion about the topic being discussed.

However, at this point, we can more easily understand the husband’s point of view. The word “gay” attaches myriads of associations to his simple bromance. They are associations which he has no interest in, and might even find repulsive. This would also explain why he is repulsed by “gay sex”, since the phrase usually refers to anal sex, which most men find positively disgusting.

Indeed, the rest of the forum post shows why his stance isn’t somehow irrational. In a few posts, some of the users take the speculation to extraordinary lengths, as they make unwarranted assumptions about his character. For example, user “ninjainpajamas” says the following: “Take a look in his closet, under the floorboard you will find a pink tutu, red heels and a shoe box full of the brightest red lipstick. Seriously, this guy sounds on fiiiiiiiire! What else does he need to do, twirl a feathered boa in your face while in his Marilyn Monroe getup?” Another user (“Million.to.1”) says this: “Have you tried slipping a finger up his ass while giving him head?”

Now, from what we can tell, there is no indication that the man is interested in any of that. He simply wants to be close to his friend. It’s also possible that those statements were intended to be humorous, and are not meant to be taken seriously. Nevertheless, why would those users make those suggestions, unless the word “gay” really came with all those associations? Given that, is his rebellion against being labeled “gay” really unreasonable?

At this point, some readers might ask, “Okay, if he isn’t ‘gay’, what is he?” The truth is his same-sex desires don’t make him “gay”, LGBT, “queer”, X, Y, Z, or anything. Instead, he’s simply a man, expressing his normal and natural desires. There are plenty more like him, whether we want to acknowledge it or not. 

Is It Cheating?

Now, the other concern mentioned is that the husband’s bromance counts as cheating. A number of users suggest that at the very least, the husband’s bromance counts as emotional cheating. A constant theme is that the original poster should be worried about what’s happening, with some suggesting that she should keep the husband under close surveillance. A comment by user “Nightsky” probably summarizes the fears of other users well: “So what does it mean that she's married to a gay... well it means that he is probably ‘cheating’ on her with this man. He's much more likely to give her some nasty STD. He's going to be a half assed partner to her. Oh and finally good chance he'll leave her for a man he really cares about.”

As one can see, this discussion can raise serious issues about what’s allowable in relationships. Thus, we must answer the following questions: does a close same-sex relationship concurrent with an opposite-sex relationship count as cheating? Is it doubly so if that relationship is sexual in nature?

The answer is this: it only counts as cheating in our modern culture. No such concept existed before the late 20th century.

For example, no such concept existed in Ancient Greece, where bisexual behavior was expected even in marriage. A young Greek guy could enjoy a “roll in the hay” with his same sex friend, yet be actively looking for a wife. A man could be married and have children, yet have friendships with other men that could be very erotic in nature. Though history on same sex female activities aren’t extensive, similar things likely happened with the women also.

No such concept seemed to exist even in the Bible, as seen in the story of David and Jonathan. Since Leviticus (the only scripture in existence at the time) only condemned anal sex, it’s very likely that their relationship had erotic elements, though it would have been expressed in non-penetrative ways. Their intimate friendship continued after both had married and had children. Yet, it’s never suggested that their relationship somehow conflicted with their marriages. It also doesn’t seem like their wives had any problems with it. Instead, David was accused of cheating only when he had extramarital sex with a woman named Bathsheba.

Even in the 19th century, close bonds between men weren’t in conflict with opposite-sex relationships. Male friends unashamedly assumed intimate poses in photographs. Letters between same-sex friends were often emotionally intense, and thought nothing of sleeping together in the same bed. As such, as​ ​documented​ ​by​ ​the​ ​Man2Man​ ​Alliance, references to “fleshy poles” and the like appeared in letters describing those male-male sleeping arrangements. Yet, the closeness of those friendships weren't unusual, but instead were the norm.

All of this might be because during those times, “sex” was still defined by penetration. Thus, since any sexual contact done was usually non-penetrative, it wouldn’t have counted as “sex” anyway. Such contact would be undeniably erotic sex play, but not “sex” in the same league as vaginal penetration. Problems would only arise (on multiple levels) if two men engaged in anal sex, because only that would count as “sex”.

Thus, in seeing all this, one thing becomes clear: close relationships between men attached to women wasn’t viewed as cheating, even if said relationships had an erotic component. They simply weren’t conceived as being in conflict with each other. That perception is extremely recent. As much as “gay” and “straight” orthodoxy may find that repulsive, that is the truth. If we deny it, we do so at our own peril.

As a side note, it’s interesting that what is most taboo in modern sexual philosophy - to have erotic relationships with both genders simultaneously - is precisely what was normal in the past. Doesn’t that say a lot about that philosophy, the sexual dichotomy it creates, and how upside-down they really are?

However, another truth about male sexuality becomes readily apparent. It’s time for us to openly state that truth. It’s one that our “Straight”-”Gay” dichotomy tries hard to suppress, modern women nervously try to ignore, and modern Christendom tries to vilify. Because so many parties fear it, it could possibly be called “the awful truth”.

“The Awful Truth”

Before I go any further, I fully realize that the following might be deeply controversial for both “straight” and “gay” people. However, it has become quite clear that our modern sexual concepts are historically unprecedented, and I simply won’t support false illusions for everybody’s comfort. Thus, I believe the following must be told in the frankest way possible.   

This is the absolutely intolerable truth: under the right circumstances, and with the right guy, most guys would unashamedly have hot, sweaty, passionate sex with another man. Most guys would happily fall asleep naked in each other’s arms, and give each other intense pleasure whenever they pleased. Dealings with the opposite gender will never eliminate the need for same-sex intimacy. It is a natural, normal, and permanent fact of male sexuality.

Take it from a guy who knows, and has been hit on by “straight” guys more times than he can count, whether they’re with women or not.

In saying all this, girlfriends and wives must understand the following: if your man is attracted to other men too, it doesn’t necessarily mean he loves you any less. It also doesn’t mean that you are somehow deficient in loving him. Same-sex intimacy and opposite-sex intimacy are simply two separate spheres, and until recently, they weren’t considered conflicting. There are just some things men get from other men that isn’t possible with women, just as the inverse is true for women. That’s not meant to say that men are somehow superior to women; it’s just simply human nature.

The following illustration might drive the point home. For humans to function properly, they must satisfy the needs of their body, including eating food and drinking water. However, humans cannot satisfy both hunger and thirst by only eating food. Nor can they satisfy both by only drinking water. Furthermore, we do not believe that food can directly satisfy thirst, nor can water directly satisfy hunger. Indeed, each need can only be satisfied in its own way: we satisfy hunger by eating, and thirst by drinking.

It works the same way with the erotic needs of males. Most men have a “thirst” for both male company and female company. We cannot expect that dealing exclusively with women will satisfy the need for both modes of intimacy. Nor can we expect the same concerning exclusive relationships with men. Likewise, we cannot expect that hunger for male company is best satisfied by engaging only with women. Nor can hunger for “female” company be satisfied by engaging only with men. Both must be satisfied in their own way: need for male intimacy must be satisfied by men, and need for female intimacy must be satisfied by females. In this way, we recognize by ignoring one need, the whole person suffers. The inverse is also true: by satisfying all needs, the whole person flourishes.

As such, through the work of the Man2Man Alliance, it’s often found that satisfaction of same-sex desires actually improves the quality of male-female relationships. The inverse has also been found true: the suppression of desire for same-sex intimacy endangers the survival of a male-female relationship. Writer Stephanie Coontz said as much in The New York Times, where she says the following:  “In some cases we even cause the breakdown [of male-female relationships] by loading the relationship with too many expectations”, where those relationships are expected to fill the void of same-sex relationships. Thus, if a woman requires her man to completely shun closeness with same-sex friends in favor of her, she very well might be putting their own relationship at risk.

As such, same-sex intimacy does not mean a man will abandon his female partner. More often than not, such a breakup has less to do with the man, and more to do with the modern sexual philosophies in existence. The “Straight”-”Gay” dichotomy is utterly intolerant of bisexuality, and under that system, both “straight” and “gay” people are taught to be likewise intolerant of bisexual behavior in their partners. Thus, this system of sexuality makes men “choose” which gender they will love, even though they might love both. However, this is an absurd choice to decide. It is akin to making men choose to eat only grapes or strawberries, even though they are inclined to both.

However, this does not mean that the fears of women are completely unfounded. The anal-centric model followed in the “gay” community comes with a high risk of STD infection. If their male partners engage in this model, they WILL be infected with an STD sooner or later, which can easily be transmitted to those women. Thus, while same-sex intimacy poses no automatic risk to the survival of an opposite-sex relationship, the chosen mode of intimacy poses a big potential risk to the health of its partners.

Thus, women reading this have a role to play here. If you realize that your man likes guys too, don’t be reactionary. There is nothing you can do to change a man’s sexuality, nor should you try to change it. Even more importantly, don’t label your man or his actions as “gay”. There’s hardly another word that would make a man shut down faster than that.

Instead, be proactive and guide that same-sex desire into healthy channels. To be specific, help steer your man away from the anal-centric model that is popular in the “gay” community, and from any party that would pressure him to follow that model. Instead, guide him towards sexual practices that are non-penetrative (and thus much more safe), and philosophies that help him explore that intimacy in sensible ways. The Man2Man Alliance (link NSFW) and the g0y movement (link NSFW), which are extensively referenced on this site, would be excellent resources for that purpose.

This page of the g0y movement might be especially helpful. Though it’s geared towards parents (and particularly fathers), the principles therein can help anyone who knows a guy who’s into guys (to any degree). Ultimately, the end goals of this information are to

Create an environment where, if the man wants to open up, same-sex desire can be discussed without fear of judgement and punishment

Guide those same-sex desires away from the anal-centric “gay” model, and to more healthy and satisfactory modes of exploration

With your efforts, your male partner might deeply appreciate your concern. What's more, without the involvement of anal, you might find male-male intimacy extremely pleasurable to watch (link NSFW).

The bottom line is this: whether they marry women or not, most men will always be into other men. Attraction to one gender does not conflict with the other, and should not be considered as doing such. Rather than being suppressed, that same-sex desire should be allowed to breathe in healthy ways. The sooner that we acknowledge that bisexuality is an unchangeable fact of male sexuality, the better off everyone will be.

Conclusion

The first entry of this series showed how modern sexual ideas, as brought to their highest fulfillment in the “Straight”-”Gay” dichotomy, affect teens and young adults. This entry shows how those ideas affect their lives when most of them grow up and marry. As you’ve just seen, it can make life very difficult for them.

Thus, this point bears repeating: nobody wins in the “Straight”-”Gay” dichotomy. This is especially obvious when it comes to men. If a man is “straight”, it means that their same-sex friendships must be strained. They must constantly guard against making those relationships too emotionally intimate, let alone physically intimate. Otherwise, they risk being labelled as “gay”, which attaches a carload of associations to those relationships, and paints them as something they are not. If they are “gay”, they are compelled to follow a highly specific type of same-sex intimacy, in which anal play and other things are necessities. If they show they like both genders, they risk being rejected by both “straight” and “gay” people.

While it might not be so obvious, this also does no favors to women attached to those men. By demanding that men go exclusively for women, modern sexual philosophy gives the impression that it’s protecting females. However, if their boyfriends/husbands are found in the arms of another man, that same philosophy turns around and eats those women alive. It suggests that the man turned to men because of some deficiency in the woman - sex wasn’t enjoyable enough, she couldn’t see he was supposedly “gay”, etc. It unfairly humiliates those females for something that is natural and normal, and something they have no control over. As a result, instead of helping men and women reach their fullest potential, modern sexual philosophy honors neither, and actually oppresses and abuses them both.

Ironically, by curtailing same-sex intimacy, modern sexual philosophy also devotes opposite-sex relationships to turmoil and destruction. This is because, in the absence of same-sex relationships, opposite-sex relationships risk being overloaded with “with too many expectations”, as Mrs. Coontz put it. In the case of males, this makes them seek with women what used to be normal in male-male friendships - casually going through life’s adventures with plenty of erotic favors along the way, without necessarily formalizing the friendship in marriage. This can be easily seen in language used to describe sexual mixed-gender relationships outside marriage, with terms like “friends with benefits”, “f--- buddies”, “hook up”, etc.

The problem with this (as has been spectacularly displayed in recent years) is that while same-sex relationships and opposite-sex relationships are equal, they are different in their dynamics. Certain things work in a same-sex relationship that simply don’t in an opposite-sex relationship, and vice versa. For example, opposite-gender sex outside marriage comes with problems that don’t exist in male-male sex (outside the anal-centric model), such as pregnancy, high STD risk, and the like. The sex in such relationships might cause emotional friction that is not inherent in same-sex relationships, which is why they might often be fraught with tension. Furthermore, that tension might continue even when the partners marry, because they continue expecting more than what their relationship can give.

In those opposite-sex relationships, males might expect what women can’t give, and vice-versa. Such discord in expectations may spell doom for that opposite-sex relationship, and both the man and woman might shy away from future ones. However, because of the rules of the “Straight”-”Gay” dichotomy, they also must suppress intimacy with their own gender. Thus isolated from both men and women, the ultimate end of the dichotomy is achieved: to impose absolute isolation and separation among humanity. As a result, the dichotomy cruelly and totally robs people of the intimacy they need to thrive.

Thus, as with the last post, I ask the following questions: Are you okay with letting this continue? Is this any way to live?

By all indications, the “Straight”-”Gay” dichotomy and the philosophy it represents must be destroyed. If if it is not, it will surely destroy we humans first.

Because of this, I urge you to read “The ‘Straight’-’Gay’ Dichotomy: How It Works”, to fully understand how that system functions. I also urge any who read this to go to “For Straight People (though not exclusively)”, which will point to philosophies and forms of same-sex behavior that don’t hinge on demonstratively false concepts. Also read the page “History of the Concept of Homosexuality”, to see how this concept evolved into its modern day meaning. Don’t be afraid of talking about what you learn to others, because that’s the only way progress will be made.

The dichotomy is socially constructed, and thus can be socially deconstructed. With education, you can help to hasten its deconstruction, and we all will be better for it.

[cjvazmovielife]

Kids and Film Making.

Children can be a lot of fun on set. You tend to play more games and have better-tasting food when they are there. You try more options to see what looks better. The scenes become more natural and less rigid. It makes you go back to that time when you were making a student film with friends and family.

Depending on what you are filming you can also save money on the set and set pieces. In some cases, props can be smaller. A word of advice, if you ever get a chance to film a food fight just stay out of the way. Wear a poncho, stand behind the camera and stay out of the way. I've learned that kids may need choreography on a lot of things but not for a food fight.

Dealing with children that are not actors can be a different experience altogether. For example, you can't tell them what they just did wasn't right and to start from the top. Because they will just stare at you like you are nuts. You can't really lead them to walk a certain way into a room or down the stairs. You can't control what they are going to say or with how much emotion. You definitely cannot fix it in post-production later.

As a filmmaker throughout the years, on set was when I was around children primarily and that's fun. With the occasional time, I spend with my nieces when I'm not traveling which is also spent playing and singing. I have actually put on shows singing, Let it go. But that was mainly my interaction with kids. By default, you are keeping them safe and fed. But your primary is playing. It's nothing serious like their health or education or which Jonas brother is the cutest. So when you get brought into that, it's a bit of a culture shock.

When I met my girlfriend, it was through a children's charity. I was lucky enough to meet her family rather quickly, and I bonded with them rather quickly. Being the fun, funny and full of wisdom uncle was always my groove. I could give great advice, say lame dad jokes, and still kick your ass in Mario Kart. I always assumed I'd be the same kind of father to my own children. Adding in, of course, the education, health and hopefully not the cutest Jonas brother part.

I know that no one is really prepared to be a father, you mainly learn as you go. But I thought I was close to being ready, and if I wasn't I was ready to learn. Kids do have a habit of throwing you curves as well. My girlfriend has two nieces and one nephew I spent a lot of time with. Ages ranging from high school to elementary. They are great kids. I mean really great without being bias.

Kaley (not her real name) is the oldest of that bunch, and she's the epitome of a true character. She's the type that you automatically feel her presence in a room. If was to cast an actress to play her in something, a young Rooney Mara would instantly come to mind. She can be both a princess and edgy. It's really her choice, and no one can make it for her. I could see her doing anything with her life, even being president one day. She's that strong-willed. I have told her many times that nothing in this world is ever beyond her as long as she puts her mind to it.

Carly (not her real name and no they aren't twins) is the middle one of the bunch, and she's the epitome of a sweetie. She's the nicest girl in the world, and her smile can light up a room. If I were to cast her, it'd be a young Amanda Seyfried specifically her character from Mama Mia. She's that happy, that smiley and you just imagine a continuous musical following her all the time. She's the type that takes care of people. The type that would become a nurse just to focus more on patient care, even though she's smarter than most doctors. She's a character out of the Heartland, and I could see her owning a ranch someday as well.

Hunter (not his real name) is the youngest of the bunch, and he's the epitome of a boy. That's really the best way to describe him. He likes to go outside, play sports, play video games, eat, watch tv and get into trouble. He's a good kid, headstrong and smart when he allows himself to be. He's very creative too, and I imagine the world will see great things from him. He talked about being a baseball player or maybe an actor. While both are good, I hope he uses more of his mind than physical talents. I could see him being the next Steve Jobs or Bill Gates. If I were to cast him, it'd be a young Freddie Highmore (Peter in Finding Neverland).

Spending time with them was a real treasure for me. It's not what I'm used to, and I felt completely out of my element. Video games was an easy go to but not so much when you are getting your butt kicked in Super Smash Brothers.

Eating with them became another interesting journey I was able to dive into. Remember most of my time is spent on set so crafty is everywhere. When we break for meals, usually people congregate based on their jobs and conversations matched to that. Here I was eating with my girlfriend and 3 kids. I certainly couldn't spend the entire time telling her how beautiful she looks and making googly eyes. I tried once and Kaley, as the character she is, immediately threw out the "you guys are so gross." Followed by Carly giggling and Hunter laughing.

So the conversations with my girlfriend took a shift at dinner time. Instead of talking about the future, making plans, career, travel and more adult things, we focused on the kids. Video games, shows, movies, what the kids did today and vacation plans with them. In all my years I never felt more like an adult than when we were having those conversations. Suddenly I knew what I wanted my life to be about and the family that I wanted. I wanted to be their father and have more just like them.

I was ready to give up the control of a film set for the uncontrollable life of a family man. Blocking rehearsals would shift to little league practice. Wardrobe tests would be clothes shopping. Tech days would be making sure the smoke detectors worked, and the power was on. I couldn't find an analogy for visual effects that didn't involve myself, and my girlfriend so not going there. :)  Crafty may take a hit, but I'm sure Tasty video recipes will solve that problem for me. I would shift more towards producing, and writing versus actual production work. I was ready to make that change, and it surprised me. The reason being that I never thought I would want it.

Don't get me wrong kids are great, but to be fair once you are done playing you tend to hand them off to their parents. That's what I do with nieces, and what I do on set. Playtime is going we are good, kid cries maybe I can help, the kid needs a change, and I send the PA to locate their parents quick. Even with my own nieces, I promised to do one diaper change per child. Non-transferable, I get to choose when and if you lose it that's it. Luckily for me, I never had to pay up. But I was ready with her to take that leap.

Obviously, her nieces and her nephew were older, so things were easier to deal with overall. "You hungry? ... Let's get a pizza." "You bored? ... Let's play Super Mash Brothers ... Wii U." "You want to watch a movie? ... How about Nightmare on Elm Street?" "You want ice cream? ... Jeremiahs it is." Sometimes I'd be the one asking them, after all, I like Pizza. Kaley would use me to test out her makeup. I was constantly catching Carly talking to a boy, which would make her laugh. Hunter and I would play Wii sports. I don't really get why parents are always complaining about older kids because, for me, life couldn't get better. I have the most amazing woman in the world in love with me, and the family I always wanted.

I was Charlie from Two and a Half Men transforming into Mr. Mathews from Boy Meets World. Life was great. But then a little reality sets in. As I grew attached to the kids, naturally I wanted them to succeed in life. I wanted the best for them. So as a potential future uncle, already emotionally attached, I start acting like one. Telling the girls boys suck and they should never date before they are 35. Yeah lame and they didn't go for it but worth a try. I wanted to help Hunter with his school work, which wasn't overly productive considering 5 minutes of school work turned into an hour of Wii baseball. Frustration began to set in, these kids weren't the actors I was used to. I couldn't script a better scene or edit it in post. I couldn't reshoot the scenes as I would do on set. My life of make-believe didn't really prepare me for the real-life challenges of a parent.

I wasn't their father. No matter how much I wanted to be, I wasn't their father. They would need to make a choice to see me that way before I could be. At that time that choice wasn't possible for them, so all I could have hoped for was being their fun uncle. They would have to make a choice to see me like that as well. Some days they did and others they didn't. I learned to roll with the punches and unpredictability.

You can't really plan with kids. I've learned they will throw you curves they in and day out. How you deal with those curves is what makes all the difference in the world. You may not deal with them perfectly all the time, but what's more important is to try.

Cut.