#not everyday that i get to hear about my mentors past

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

I'm not a gossip so you didn't hear this from me BUT apparently my mentor and the alchemist from the apothecary used to date. apparently the break up was messy - the alchemist cursed my mentor for like a year every drink he had was always spoiled

[brightlight-dazzlingeyes]

between the lines | chapter 08 (finale)

rúben dias x original female character [+18]

synopsis: isabella is a sports journalist covering the premier league. she has sworn to never get involved with a football player. that is, until she meets a handsome portuguese defender. warnings: incorrect journalism references; timeline of events are not faithful to real life; i have never been to england; mutual pining; romantic comedy;  minors dni.

previous chapter | masterlist

Chapter 08 — Shooting and Finishing

Days went by smoothly. I tried to spend as much time as possible minding other people's business and concentrating on other people's drama. Hours daily doom scrolling social media. It worked as expected and I managed to stay distracted.

Until I got a promotion at work. Yesterday.

It was the most ordinary day possible at the office, the monotonous hum of the air conditioning filling the room as I sat at my desk, the low voices of my coworkers talking nonsense to each other, somebody somewhere in the office opening a snack thinking no one would notice… The usual. 

And then my phone buzzed. I glanced down at the screen to see a text from my boss, Mr. Evans.

‘Can you meet me in the media room in five minutes?’

My heart pounded as I read the message. I always hated meetings with the boss, they were never ever good news. I headed towards the media room, my footsteps echoing in the otherwise silent corridor, my legs shaking.

When I entered, Mr. Evans was already sitting down, his expression a mix of anticipation and confidence. He gestured for me to take a seat, and I nervously obliged, my palms beginning to sweat.

"Isabella," he began, his voice steady, "I've been observing your dedication and hard work over the past months."

I nodded, my anxiety building with each passing second.

"I believe you're ready for a new challenge," he continued. "I want to offer you a promotion, a better role, with increased responsibilities."

My mind whirled, a thousand thoughts colliding. The promotion was everything I had hoped for, but it was also the very thing I had been avoiding. It meant stepping out of my comfort zone and facing the unknown.

I agreed anyway, and didn't even have to think twice. I just nodded and thanked him. I could feel my legs trembling beneath the table, as if they were on the verge of betraying me. My voice quivered as I responded, "I... I appreciate the offer, Mr. Evans."

He gave me an encouraging nod, his eyes unwavering. He could tell how nervous and like a kind and caring mentor Mr. Evans smiled, a reassuring gesture. "Isabella, fear is a natural part of growth. It means you're stepping into uncharted territory, and that's where true progress lies."

I couldn’t escape reality after that. No amount of idiotic insta posts could keep my thoughts away from the inevitable: I want Rúben. I want to talk to him everyday. I want him in my life. I want to be a part of his life.

So, even scared, even with my legs shaking and heart pounding and all of that. I called him.

‘I have an answer for you’, I wanted to say. Instead, I said:

“I just got a promotion!”

“Isa, congratulations! That 's amazing.” I could hear his smile through the phone, he did not question my phone call and sounded genuinely happy for him. The desire to hug him flooded me.

“Well, you see… I actually got scared when I first heard about it. It seems like a lot of responsibility.” I was twirling my hair fighting the urge to bite my nails.

“What? You think so?” He seemed so worried I almost laughed, but I had a point to make and he needed to know.

“I have commitment issues.” I say loud and clear.

He takes a moment to answer, unsure.

“Are you still talking about the job?”

I shake my head, uselessly, since he can't see me.

“I lost both of my parents when I was too young to know how to deal with it and I never had a serious relationship before.” 

I can hear him sighing over the phone and I use the moment to take a deep breath and proceed. I decide to tell him all at once, before I have the chance to lose courage again.

“I realized something about myself this past week.” I continue. “I tend to focus too much on what’s right in front of me, instead of considering the whole picture. I worry too much about the small emergencies life throws at me and forget about what’s really important.”

“Am I a small emergency?” He interfered, confused.

“No, you’re the important part. You’re the house.”

I make gestures as if he could see me, trying to make him understand.

“The house?” Rúben laughs.

“Yeah… Shit, I kind of ruined the speech, there was a part about a house and leaks and…”

“Isa, are you home?” “Yes–” “Give me fifteen minutes.”

Twenty minutes later and he was towering over my front door wearing a hoodie and rosy cheeks, he looked like he came running to see me. I felt in the moment that I was allowed to hold him as hard as I’ve missed him, so I did.

Rúben held me back and I felt a soft kiss on my neck. He then held my face, making me look him in the eye.

“Is this your answer?” He searched for any sign of doubt in me, but there wasn't any.

“Yes. Yes, I’m not running away again, I promis–” and he kissed me. Before I could finish my sentence he closed the apartment door and still holding me tight, he guided me inside.

“I missed this so much.” His voice was rough, his lips still touching mine as he spoke, going in for another kiss. Rúben was hungry and I shared the same feeling. “I missed you.” He spoke, this time properly looking at me.

“I missed you too.” I told him with a smile, feeling so happy and grateful for his reaction.

He smiled even brighter at my words, looking suddenly relieved. His hands were firm in my waist then, pulling me as close as possible to him.

“Now come here, we have to make up for the lost time.”

join the taglist

@91vhs @kathb59 @kaddi1608

[tragedyboycentral]

So I'm copy-pasting my own essay I added onto another post to post on my own. But the amount of people out here who truly DON'T understand the historical importance of WTNV, from a queer media perspective, boggles me.

I want you to imagine the year is 2012. Gay marriage won't be legalized for another three years. A podcast starts to make the rounds, your friends are watching it so you think sure. Let's check it out. And then you here the narrator start to talk about the new scientist in town. And right there, in the first introduction, they make it clear. "And I fell in love instantly." There was no building up, no hiding it, no queerbaiting. Right there in the first episode they told us that Cecil was Gay and in love with Another Man.

And if you weren't there then there arent WORDS for how ground breaking this was at the time. How amazing it was for the tumblrbase, consisting largely of closeted/ discovering pre-teens, to hear this. The finale of Legend of Korra, where two women holding hands was GROUND BREAKING?? That wouldn't happen for another two years. This wasn't an everyday occurrence and hell, I would argue even today, a whole decade later, there still aren't many pieces of media doing it like wtnv was (and still is).

Not to mention in horror media, queerness is traditionally used to notate something scary. The scary lesbian woo'ing another woman and killing her was a horror trope for a reason. In media queerness is used as almost exclusively as a corrupting, disgusting, force. But Cecil's queerness wasn't just loved, it was celebrated within the media itself. His love interest was a 'normal' guy from out of town but Cecil's oddities are why Carlos loves him. Every aspect of Night Vale is odd, is queer, and that queerness becomes acceptably mundane in a beautiful way. The entirety of Night Vale of a concept was taking all that was Queer and celebrating it.

And in greater terms of media, Welcome To Night Vale is what single-handedly changed podcasts from 'the thing your dad listened to' to something interesting and accessible to young people. It practically introduced the concept of narrative podcasts and is still the roadmap many of them use today. Massive media like The Magnus Archives, The Penumbra Podcast, and hell I would argue even the popularity of other media like TAZ? It only happened because WTNV brought not just an audience to podcasts, but a QUEER audience. A queer audience who, once they were old enough, only needed a mic and cheap editing software to start making their own queer content just as fast as they were consuming everyone else's.

But back to 'sexyman'. Again. Tumblr's base is 12-14. And we're given not just the first gay character most of us have ever seen. But a dutiful boyfriend who loves his husband and his cat. Who gets into silly little squabbles with his silly little nemesis. Who's CHARMING. Of course the internet fell in love. But beyond his personality. He had the Homestuck/ Bill Cipher/ Wheatley bonus of not having a canon design. People keep mentioning he's faceless as a weird element but that was the DRAW back then. It was an INTEGRAL part of the appeal. Sure, the basic 'blonde white twink' design was/is the most popular- it was 2012- but some people got creative. No matter what your attraction was too, you could picture him looking like that. He's a good boyfriend AND he's hot?

Sure, The Onceler was insanely popular and so was Sans. But people were either lusting for them or Hated them. But Cecil?? Cecil was our hot gay mentor. He was the closest thing a lot of younger queers on tumblr had for an adult queer role model. He was the basis for so other tumblr sexymen.

TLDR: "Did wtnv have cultural impact?" jesus fuck yes it did.

[astrojulia]

Hi Julia, I really love how much information and detail that you put into your posts. I don't know how to deal with my Neptune opposite the North Node. So any advice would be appreciated, thanks :)

Hello Siren!

(づ˶•༝•˶)づ♡ Thank you for your kind words! I'm glad to hear that you appreciate my astrological insights.

With Neptune opposite the North Node, you may experience a tug-of-war between your spiritual ideals, dreams, and intuitive urges (Neptune) and the path you are meant to follow to fulfill your life's purpose (North Node). This aspect can create some confusion or a sense of being torn between practicality and spirituality, leading you to question the best way to align your true calling with your aspirations.

To help you deal with aspects and undertand it better, you can:

Embrace Spirituality: Neptune's influence encourages you to explore your spiritual side, intuition, and imagination. Allow yourself to engage in practices that nurture your connection to the divine or higher self. Meditation, prayer or any spiritual discipline can be beneficial.

Stay Grounded: But you can tell me that you are already super connected with your spirituality... So... While you explore your spiritual inclinations, it's crucial to remain grounded and practical. Strive to find a balance between your spiritual pursuits and your everyday responsibilities. Avoid getting lost in daydreams without taking tangible steps towards your goals.

Seek Clarity: Neptune can sometimes bring confusion, making it essential to seek clarity in your goals and aspirations. Journaling, self-reflection, or seeking guidance from a mentor or counselor can help you gain insights into your life's direction.

Trust Your Intuition: Neptune's energy enhances your intuitive abilities. Listen to your inner voice and trust your instincts when you think about your life purpose. Oppositions mean that two "planets" don't support each other, it doesn't necessary mean they are enemies but they can be rivals. When trying to understand one and you're having a hard time, sometimes it's better to see their rival than their best friend.

Be Mindful of Illusions: Neptune's influence can blur the lines between reality and fantasy. Be cautious about being overly idealistic or trusting others blindly. Seek to discern reality from illusions in your personal and professional relationships.

Embrace Creativity: Neptune is linked to creativity and artistic expression. Engaging in creative endeavors, such as writing, painting, or music, can be therapeutic and help you channel your emotions constructively.

Learn from Past Experiences: Look back at your past experiences and see how Neptune's influence has played out in your life. Understanding your patterns can help you make more informed choices in the present and future.

Kisses from the Sea!

[anchanted-one]

Legend of Lightning Chapter 59. Pen Pal

https://archiveofourown.org/works/43208574/chapters/113843689

Mercei Tanniels gave her body a good stretch after waking up. She shrugged her shoulders around, turned her hips, squatted down, then stood on her tip toes while raising her hands as high up as they went.

She then relaxed, and went for a drink from her canteen.

“Okay then, my little Jedi friend! Let’s see whether you tossed and turned last night!” She accessed her probes’ feeds to see what Vajra’s night had been like. She tutted sympathetically when her expectations were confirmed. “This won’t do at all, will it, little boy? That’s four whole nights you’ve gone without a wink of sleep. And your last real meal was a week ago.” She listened through the audio recorded by a few probes that she had planted close enough to hear him. Lately, all she heard was pleas for forgiveness and a fervent desire for death. “Someone’s on the precipice. Running away didn’t help, did it?” She lay back on her bedroll. He wasn’t going to last much longer. Deprivation was taking its toll on the lad. Not that it was any of her business. Her mission was to observe. That’s what it had been for months now. Far too long. She’d had long jobs before, but this was the first time she’d had to observe someone for this amount of time! Her tracer byte informed her that every one of her mails had been opened, but not once had there been any reply. She wondered if she’d be forgotten out here.

Surely someone was missing her out there? She sighed theatrically. No one did, of course. Not Watchers One or Two; not Keeper, Kaliyo, or Vector… and certainly not one of the greats of the Empire.

She was a whisper. A wraith. The only thing close to attention she’d gotten this past year had been Vajra’s ‘gifts.’ At this point, it had to be pure habit. Or a game that he found hilarious.

It’s almost time to go pick up today’s package soon. Hmm. I wonder what he’ll write this time?

After that first letter several weeks ago, they’d started trading notes everyday. Some jokes, some stories, some banter, and perhaps most surprisingly, some truths. She had confided a few personal secrets in him that she never dreamed she would tell anyone. Like the story of Darth Jadus, and her fear what he might be up to. Or her lingering fear that the Dark Council would punish her eventually for daring to defy a Sith. She had even admitted to liking these exchanges. And he had shared a few things about his people. He’d even given her permission to call him by his name.

Details which she would sink into the depths of her mind once the mission was over, so that she wouldn’t betray them even under the most cutting-edge kinds of mind-control or brainwashing. She owed her mentor a great deal for the gift he’d given her, rendering her the perfect secret-keeper.

His letters, all folded neatly and stashed away in her pack, would remain her treasured possessions for the rest of her life. She wondered if he would also keep her letters.

She penned today’s message to Vajra.

‘Morning, Vajra. I’d ask if you slept well, but I know you didn’t. You’re getting worse. I’d like to meet you face-to-face. You need help, and strange though it might sound, I want to give it to you. I’ve gotten to know you quite well in our time together, and I feel like the Galaxy does need people like you. How about a real meal? My ship’s parked nearby. We can go anywhere you want to in the Galaxy. I’ll buy you a meal, and maybe help you onto the road to recovery. Maybe I can even help you find a quiet corner to live out your days in peace, away from all the Angrals out there. Believe it or not, it’s unreasonable to blame yourself. Or for anyone to blame you. You’re not a god, you’re a teenager. Please think about it? I’m looking forward to meet you in person. Love, Mercy.’

She re-read her letter a few times before G0’s alarm brought her to her feet in a near-panic.

 *

[crescent-cove-blog]

I'm sorry but you could have genuinely done colored blocks or circles instead of literally stealing artwork/assets. It just doesn't look good on you as a developer and a site.

I mean yeah, definitely. If I could go back and change things, I would. I was like 16 (for reference I'm nearly 22 now) when I drew the assets that people pointed out - many assets, both ones on the site and on my private computer that I removed, I don't even remember drawing. I do feel bad about it, and Krisgoat and I have talked and worked everything out, as of a day ago. However, I don't think hiding it is a good way to go about it either, it doesn't sit right with me to just delete and censor anything related to it. We see enough of that in our everyday lives and personally I find it a relief when someone is genuinely like "yeah, I fucked up."

I used to be very, very insecure about my art, and would usually only have 1 - 2 references for a drawing. In hindsight it was obviously bad practice, but I wasn't really involved in the online art community nor had friends or mentors who were artists, I had to learn more or less on my own until I was 19 or so.

CC started out as a Goatlings clone for me to learn off of. I wasn't exactly in the best place at the time, and they were an escape for me. I had thought I had removed everything that was either linked from Goatlings directly (and Flight Rising) or that were heavily referenced. I did this before I started hosting the site, around a year ago.

Clearly, I missed a handful of things. Realizing that was a punch in the gut, and I felt incredibly stupid for overlooking them, especially the mouse plushies. Sometimes, when you work with something for years, without anyone else to give input, you get tunnel vision. That's one of the main reasons I started this blog, and clearly I needed feedback haha.

However, what's done is done, and I'm at peace with it. I can acknowledge my shitty actions in the past, and feel okay knowing I'm not the same person today. I think putting developers up on a pedestal and not allowing people to grow from their mistakes is a toxic mindset that's been made much worse in recent years by the prevalence of social media. Obviously, people make mistakes, all the time. People do shitty things, but that doesn't necessarily mean they're shitty people.

I've already apologized to those who deserved to hear it from me, namely Krisgoat, and have discussed the best ways to move forward in good standing with Goatlings (which are already in progress). I'm much more comfortable with my skills as an artist and developer than I used to be, and this project will continue for myself first and foremost, as this has always been a passion project, and of course it's also for anyone else that weigh my actions and still decide to stick around.

There's a lot of things I could've done instead, certainly, but I can't turn back time. The only thing I can do now is show those who are willing to listen that I'm someone who's respectable and worth their time. There are definitely some people who are going to turn away, and that's fine.

Regardless, Crescent Cove will continue to exist for as long as I can afford to run it, as it has up until now. I'd love nothing more than to share it with others, if they're willing.

[shadowetienne]

Just sending you All The Questions (tm) from the LGBTQ+ ask game (okay, not all, but a lot). Some of these I know the answers to but just wanted to put it out there anyway. I copy/pasted and it lost the numbers. ;;

Have you ever attended a Pride event or parade? If so, what was your experience like?

What's your favorite LGBTQ+ movie or TV show?

Who's your favorite LGBTQ+ musician or band?

How do you celebrate your queer identity in your everyday life?

What is one thing you wish more people understood about the LGBTQ+ community?

What does the future of the LGBTQ+ movement look like to you?

So many questions! I retrieved the numbers.

3. Have you ever attended a Pride event or parade? If so, what was your experience like?

I have been attending Pride events consistently in some form or other since 2011 (got up to Seattle just in time for it that summer). I've been marching in Pride events pretty consistently since I want to say 2018 but I might be off by a year.

I find being in a parade audience deeply overwhelming, but still a really affirming experience. Marching in a parade, getting to see and hear the difference and connection we are making by showing representation, connecting to all those other people but also being in the bubble of the group I'm marching in, that I love. I also love smaller Pride events, small towns specialized things, the little festivals that spring up around parades.

I've been out to some degree or other, willingly or not, since 1999. The affirmation that my community is here and real that Pride events bring, and being able to access them as an adult is monumental to me. Seeing kids at Pride with their parents or supportive adults is what gives me the most positive hopeful feelings though.

4. What's your favorite LGBTQ+ movie or TV show?

I honestly don't have a good answer for this? I do have a deep love for The Birdcage of older films, but I also rarely rewatch it. But I'm often not a movie and TV shows person. And there's not a ton of right up my alley fairy tale reworkings or the exact right level or hopeful but not too goofy fantasy and scifi that is queer out there for me to be like yes this is for me.

I do love My Beautiful Laundrette, and I think that is going to be my final answer, partially because of my when and how I watched it story.

5. Who's your favorite LGBTQ+ musician or band?

Ooh, hard question! Part of this comes down to are we talking about someone who makes queer art or someone who is themselves openly queer?

Makes Queer Art: Jolin Tsai, OnlyOneOf

Is Also Openly Some Form of Queer: Lady Gaga maybe? I have to dig a little deeper into the stuff I love for this

6. How do you celebrate your queer identity in your everyday life?

I am an openly queer teacher, and my work lanyard has a growing collection of queer pins. All my socks I wear on the regular are queer. I do use clothes and jewelry to show and celebrate my queerness on the regular. I feel like my queerness is something I more live out loud, proudly, and in a way that allows me to find joy more than precisely something I celebrate.

I do celebrate the times where I am able to connect with and mentor younger queer folks and I can see the difference that it has made.

8. What is one thing you wish more people understood about the LGBTQ+ community?

There is such huge variety of people within the queer community and umbrella, and there is no one fit for all of us in terms of needs. The only thing I can state for all of us is that we are deserving of respect as people and to not have to fear the world around us. Queer and LGBTQ+ and so on are umbrellas, and the people under them are facing a lot of the same hatred from society. A world that allows more freedom of expression and love and existence... that will treat us better.

9. What does the future of the LGBTQ+ movement look like to you?

In the future, getting to see more and more younger queer people who do not have to be afraid, who can celebrate themselves and their joy of existence and who they are.

[only-goose]

hii I was wondering (if u see this) if u could write something about me (yn) being a new born who just escaped from the voulturis and the cullens found me in the woods adopted me and Jasper is training me and helping me cause he knows I’m his mate and he wants to spend time w me (getting to know me more etc etc) and we’re both in love with each other till one day I (yn) asks jasper was a singer is cause she heard it from Edward and Bella and jasper explains it so well that (yn) says “u seem to know the feeling, did u ever had a singer”? and jasper just says “darling u are my singer” and then they start dating would be nice if u could make it with a lot of fluff sorry if this is awkward or to long I hope u can do it cause I love ur writings sm😭

Hi loveeeee. Kinda got a little confused, I'm not entirely sure what you mean by "having a singer". I haven't seen Twilight in a couple years if I'm being honest. I hope I did your request justice. If I didn't then let me know and I can fix it 🫶🏻

Running

Running

Running

Running from the Voulturis like my life depended on it, because it does. I ran as far and fast as I possibly could, eventually stopping in a large forest. I could hear the beating hearts of animals around, I could smell their blood and it drove me crazy. As I tore into the mountain lion behind me, I could hear every branch crack, every bird chirp, every leaf rustling around me, driving me insane.

Footsteps. I could hear fast paced, definitely human, footsteps. I bolted up the closest tree, waiting for them to leave. Only for them to stop when found my mountain lion. It was two boys, both pale. One with brown hair, the other was a sandy blonde. “Edward, this wasn’t caused my an animal, there are fang marks in it” the sandy blonde told the other, Edward, I guess.

The branch I was standing on began to snap, causing both boys to look up as I jumped to another one. “Who are you?” Edward called out. Before I could even respond, he was on the branch the behind me, the other one in front. “Please don’t take me back to them” I pleaded with them. “Take you back to who?” The sandy blonde asked. I looked at them strangely “You don’t work for the Voulturis?” They look at each other bewildered. “No, I’m Edward and that’s Jasper. We belong to the Cullen clan.” Edward introduced. I turned to look at Jasper and he smiled at me “you haven’t been turned very long, have you?” I shook my head. “If you’re ok with it, we can take you home with us and help you?” I looked between them both and nodded. “What’s your name” Jasper asked. “y/n”

Once I arrived, Jasper gave me a tour of their massive house, introducing me to everyone as we went. The last was Carlisle. He smiled at me and gave the run down on how life would be from now on. Jasper knocked on the door and walked in “you’ll need someone to help mentor and guide you, can I do it Carlisle?” Jasper inquired. “Are you up for it Jasper, you are relatively knew too” Jasper shook his head “no I can do it” Carlisle looked at me and smiled kindly “looks like you have a mentor”

Jasper took me to the woods and started off my by helping me work on my instincts, then training. We went out to the forest together everyday, getting closer the more we went. I began to look forward to and cherish the times I had with him. He always made me feel safe and protected, I think I was in love with him. I was giggly and nervous whenever he was around.

*6 month time skip*

Jasper and I were out in the woods when I turned around and asked him “were you a singer?” He stopped dead in his tracks and turned around. "Where did you hear that darlin?" he asks cautiously. "I asked Edward about everyone's past lives, and he told me about yours. He told me about how you were on of the few survivors of the Southern vampire wars thanks to Maria. He told how violent and lost you were, and how singing calmed you down and made you feel more human. I'm sorry for prying and not asking you first, I was curious, and I wasn't sure if you would tell me."

You felt guilty, not having asked him first. keeping your eyes glued to the ground as you spoke, you missed the adoring way Jasper looked at you. "Look at me" he said as he reached his hand out to your chin, making you look at him. "You just seem like you know the feeling of being, or having, a singer" you confessed. "Darlin', you are my singer"

You felt the feather light touch that was his lips on yours as you shared your first kiss. "Never be afraid to ask me questions, I will always answer" he said as he laced his finger with yours, continuing on your path.

I hope that was good!! Sorry for taking so long to get it out, Uni is kicking my ass. My requests are still open, regardless.

[i8al6x]

I won’t lie, I still think about you most of the time. On some of my tougher days I wish things were like how they used to be and wish you were still here, but I know wishing won’t do anything. When I don’t think about you or how things ended I don’t feel anything, I’m not happy nor upset I’m just kinda of existing, living day to day. Everyday feels like the morning after a hangover, I feel off and almost a feeling of shame, shame because I know I’m not living the way I wanted to live. You’d think I have bigger problems with this plague destroying me from the inside and I have to admit it’s not ideal but it could be worse, at least I can still walk and drink. For some reason I can’t seem to just get over you. I can’t see pickles the same ever again, I miss you so much but I know it’ll never be the same. I wish you’d just die, I just can’t believe you abandoned me. I don’t know if we’ll ever hear from each other again. You won’t from me at least, not because I don’t want to but because I can’t anymore, I can’t handle that pain anymore and also I lost you on everything. I deleted all traces of you, every chat log on every single social media on every single account, your address, links to profiles, number, social media accounts from my notes, your contact, your address. Everything. I don’t know where you are or how you are or how to contact you and I’m gonna keep it that way because you don’t deserve to have me ever follow you again. I followed you across the country and you left me all alone. I was so cold, you’ll never understand how cold I was that night, breaking down to my mom that you never showed up. I’ve been so alone recently, Yk family is supposed to always be there but when they’re expected to always be there it’s hard for them to really show up, they’re there yea but they’re not really here. I wish I could tell you about everything going on in my life, about how I had a surgery and it was really scary and nobody showed up for me and all the doctors just let me go because they thought I was an adult or how my mentor ghosted me and never said goodbye or how I got into a car accident or about all my new tattoos and programs I’ve been applying to. There’s just so so much that I’ve wanted to tell you, tell anyone willing to listen but there’s nobody. Nobody’s here, nobody’s ever here anymore. I don’t know why but all my friends ghosted me, started hanging out without me, started making other friends and adding them into the friend group, they just left me like you did and now I have no one. I have no one, I have no one, and my best friend got engaged and I’m so happy for her but where does that leave me. Once again in the past, just somebody that they used to know. I’m sick and fucking tired of being so sick and always being disregarded, undesirable and unwanted what the fuck did I ever do for everyone to treat me this way, I didn’t do a single fucking thing bad enough for the universe to be so fucking cut throat with me and if I don’t die before it’s gonna be all your guys fucking fauly when I slit my fucking Throat or shove a handgun against the roof of my mouth. It’ll be all you guys and I hope you all feel what I fucking felt

[overlooked-tracks]

Matthew McConaughey Wants Young Musicians to Get Bold (and for Post Malone to Release a Country Album)

The following article has been posted on October 15, 2022 at 07:30AM:

An Overlooked Tracks News Finding: Here’s an article you might have overlooked. Having a partnership with NewsAPI, we try to catch music entertainment news for you to view, read and possibly enjoy. We will continue to find what’s available in the world of music entertainment, concert information and music releases. But obviously you – the listener and reader are the biggest source for news in your area, so if you can share with us. For right now, look at what we found for you:

“From The Rolling Stone Magazine Website – Matthew McConaughey Wants Young Musicians to Get Bold (and for Post Malone to Release a Country Album)”

The actor and country music-lover talks his new campaign for Wild Turkey bourbon, and helping develop a music mentorship program through the “101 Bold Nights” initiative

If you purchase an independently reviewed product or service through a link on our website, Rolling Stone may receive an affiliate commission.

Matthew McConaughey knows that it can be tough for up-and-coming artists to get their big break. That’s why the actor (and longtime country-music lover) is helping develop a mentorship program called the #101BoldNightsMusicMentorship, which in collaboration with Wild Turkey and Spaceflight Records (a non-profit label), will open the doors for an emerging musical artist to work one-on-one with a mentor.

McConaughey knows that the everyday artist struggle is real. “You hear a lot of legendary musician say, ‘yeah have a day job while you’re trying to do it’,” he told Rolling Stone. “You know what I mean? Wait tables, do what you need to do while you’re trying to do it. That happens in my industry, too.” Helping work on artists’ musical goals and career advancement is a big part of the mentorship — for one lucky winner, that is.

The mentorship can be won through an online contest (which involves posting a video of an original song or performance on your public Instagram channel, sharing your story in the caption, mentioning #101BoldNightsMusicMentorship, and tagging @WildTurkey), but the Interstellar star and Wild Turkey Creative Director knows just how important first impressions can be for anyone who’s trying to make it, even if your music can be discovered online.

“You’re taking a chance. That’s a risk. But we applaud someone who says, we know what we’re doing, we know what we love. We’re doing it for ourselves.”

McConaughey sat down to speak with Rolling Stone about the “101 Bold Nights” program, his craziest live concert experience, and why Post Malone needs to release a country album, yesterday.

Matthew McConaughey Wants Young Musicians to Get Bold (and for Post Malone to Release a Country Album)

I know that you’ve worked with Wild Turkey in the past. But what are you specifically hoping the “101 Bold Nights” program will achieve?

So each year we always gather together to decide hey, how do we want to give back? A previous year, we did turkey deliveries in Lawrenceburg. We visited first responders in Houston and LA. You know, last year we did the Local Legends [campaign], where we were celebrating local legends — people who were helping to keep music alive during Covid. When we couldn’t do live events, these were the people in Nashville and New Orleans and different places across the states that were giving people music virtually.

“I’ll take music as a form of entertainment over any other one in my life, if I had to pick one.”  – Matthew Mcconaughey

I like music. You see my background, I’m surrounded by all kinds of instruments (Editor’s Note: his wall was indeed covered in various guitars, both acoustic and electric). I’ll take music as a form of entertainment over any other one in my life, if I had to pick one. And Wild Turkey agrees — we think it goes right along with our theme of “trust your spirit”. People that are carving their own path through life. We want to help out some young musicians that make could use a chance like this, could use someone like Spaceflight to help mentor them to have the best chance of succeeding or sharing their music.

What do you think that young musicians can still learn from the older generation? From these “living legends” like you said, that they can’t get just from experimenting making music in their bedrooms?

Obviously, it’s a tough gig, and a lot more people are doing it a lot more. There’s a lot of people who want to do it. They’re just can’t make a living doing it. You hear a lot of legendary musicians say, yeah, “have a day job while you’re trying to do it”. You know what I mean? Wait tables, do what you need to do while you’re trying to do it. That happens in my industry, too. It’s pretty hard to get out of the gate. Get maybe even minimal traction. And if you fade out, to make like a comeback. Or to get back in the game if you were out.

You can get successful online now by making your own songs and putting them out on your own channels. And all of a sudden, you’re known for a beat. There’s also so much, that DJs are so popular now. I don’t know if you’re gonna see punk rock bands getting the same attention. Where do they find their life line? What’s their gig? How hard is it for someone in that genre, live music-wise, to make it? Is a band writing their own songs?

I mean, we applaud someone who says we know what we’re doing, we know what we love. We’re doing it for ourselves. And we hope we got an audience that we draw to us if we just maintain and keep doing it how we want to do it. We’ll draw what audience we draw, and what we don’t draw, we didn’t want them anyway. [laughs] We also applaud that, but you’re also taking a chance. That’s a risk.

With some of these older bands, the first album, these legendary bands are using the best. The sophomore album is a bit of a drag, you know? It’s like, “oh my gosh, we know what works now”. Bands get aware of what they were doing. And it’s a lot of times it’s hard for that second album to be near as good as the first. For a lot of my favorite bands, their first album was a killer favorite, before they kind of knew what they were doing.

They do call it a “sophomore slump” for a reason. But they have to experiment a little bit.

That’s the other thing. How do you go out every night and play that hit, the one that everybody loves, over and over and over. Like it’s the first time. I know some musicians are like, ‘I won’t! I can’t stand it!’. And as a fan I like it when they do, but I also appreciate when you hear bands play a hit live and some people are like, “well, that’s a completely different version.” You’re like, well no shit. They’ve been playing it every night for 10 years, they had to do something fresh to get their own rocks off.

I had a record label for a while. I had this band Mishka, a reggae artist. I mean, pushing a reggae artist isn’t the easiest thing to do in the world either. But we would try, and maybe I could get his music heard by someone in the commercial sector, or my industry, that was looking for commercials and things like that. But that’s all I could do, was try to help them get heard. And we didn’t get anything picked up. Did it for a few years. It was a hobby, it was fun. I no longer do it.

But be ready to get on the road and sit around with some friends who, after a while in the back of the van, may start thinking a little bit and say, “hey, what we’re doing we love. We didn’t use coats and dyes and 9-5s for a reason. So let’s go do it.”

What do you think it is about performing live that’s so special, especially for these up-and-coming artists?

Especially coming out of Covid, people are flocking to go get back together again and see live events. I can listen to the same tune now on my great speakers, and it can sound great and I can have that personal experience, but it’s a completely different thing than what you’re talking about. If I’m catching up on a band, I like to get to know them pretty well through their album or through an electronic system before I go see it live. So when I get to have an idea and anticipation of “this is a tune I like”. Just to know it so I can really sing along and jam with them.

I’ve had some experiences with bands that I was like, eh, and then I saw them live and was like, “holy shit, I’m in”. The Cure did that to me. When I saw them live, I was like, “this is a new top five favorite band”. Some bands you go, they should’ve just keep recording, or that venue should’ve done a better soundcheck. I’ve heard some bands where the songs weren’t necessarily ruined, but I wish I wouldn’t have heard it like that.

But the energy of a live show when you’re there is killer. One of my favorite memories is going up to live shows at Hirsch Coliseum up in Shreveport, Louisiana. That was the place we saw all our big shows in my time, in the late Eighties. It was rock bands for me.

What was your craziest concert experience there?

Probably late-Eighties N.W.A. They’d choreographed a part early on in the songs where they opened their coats and pulled out what looked to be like…(Editor’s Note: it’s at this point that McConaughey stopped himself, saying it was “a very inappropriate story for today”.)

But I got on the stage and sang “Pink Houses” with John Mellencamp in 1992. Oh, that was a good one. He was somebody whose music I grew up jammin’ with, and then fortunately, later on in life, actually got to meet him. I said, “you remember in Houston? ’92? I do, because it was me on stage”. And that was pretty cool.

What artists or songs have been on heavy rotation for you recently? Got a good record-listening cocktail?

When I look out in the evening with the sun going down I like my Longbranch. For older, deeper tracks, I never get tired of digging through old Creedence. I’ve had many different seasons in my life where I’ve said I’m going to dive into Dylan for a few months, and I still haven’t got my bearings. I’ve been jamming to Chuck Berry here lately. My son and I will jam to the Foals, an English rock band.

Read More Music Headllines

and can be found on the Overlooked Tracks website: https://ift.tt/S8MdiAR. Check out more music news from Overlooked Tracks! Music Headline News, Post Malone, Wild Turkey, young

[warriorinthegarden]

Recent Thoughts: It's Been a Wild Several Weeks--Part 2

What else have I learned from the last several weeks? Well:

Take a Proper Break

For me, going home is not a vacation. Every time I come back from going home, someone asks me, “How was your vacation?” And I always say, “It wasn’t a vacation.” Because the truth is, it’s not. It’s nice going home and seeing my family and friends but often it’s more trouble than it’s worth. I’m realizing now that I am entitled to a proper vacation because I work hard and I am not obligated to go home. I can say “No” to a visit and still love them. Plain and simple, if you want to see me, you can make the trip yourself since I have been doing it for years. I’m done. I deserve my own version of relaxation that does not include work demands or headaches from family. I’m not sorry. A vacation for me is going up to the mountains and enjoying the peace and quiet. I’m going to give myself that and put my needs first before considering anyone else since it’s MY vacation. I earned the time so I get to decide what to do with it! Period. Dot. End of story.

Overworking

Hear me when I say (as my mentor says): Just because you are capable of overworking, doesn’t mean you should! Your brain and body deserve a break. You can be fueling it with the most healthy, positive, and motivational stuff…your brain still needs time to process and absorb that information in order for the knowledge to really sit with you. Take time to sit still in the knowledge. Likewise, your body needs time to rest and restore. Your body can only sustain overworking for so long before it inevitably crashes and when it crashes, it’s going to be a huge mess. To sustain long term, it’s ideal to just work at your base level. If you have to overwork, because life demands it sometimes, try to do it in small intervals rather than a continuous period and make sure to rest accordingly. Remember, you are not a machine. You need time to rest and recover. 

Peace & Comfort 

If a person or opportunity doesn’t bring you (add to your) peace and comfort, then it isn’t for you. Some nervousness is normal with new opportunities or when getting to know someone. However, if you are feeling distressed or overwhelmed with anxiety, then that thing is probably not for you. I’m beginning to learn that what is for me, what is in alignment with me, brings me a sense of peace and comfort. It feels right. And when something is not right, my body naturally rejects it by producing feelings that are the opposite of peace and comfort. Pay attention to that feeling and trust your body. It knows. 

Pushing Yourself & Running Yourself Ragged

Pushing yourself and running yourself ragged are two separate things. In my past, I saw no distinction. I rebuke this now because I am realizing that you can push yourself to grow while taking care of your mental health. You can push yourself and not run yourself ragged. There’s a line and that line crosses when you start making superhuman demands on your human body. When you expect superhuman behavior from yourself. When you expect “I’m strong and resilient” to mean that nothing affects you. No. You can still get hurt. You have feelings and they get hurt sometimes. You get tired and frustrated. You get overwhelmed and bereft. Own it. Own your humanity. I heard a therapist once say, “push yourself enough to bend but not to break.” I used to push myself to the brink all the time and wondered why my mental and emotional health suffered! It suffered because I was demanding more than what I was humanely capable of producing. Now, I still push myself out of my control zone, because that’s how we grow, but I take the gas off the petal when it gets to be too much. I allow and accept my human limitations and my mental and emotional health has been better for it. This is how I take care of myself and how I choose to love myself everyday. 

I still have more lessons to write about. Part 3 coming soon. Now to make some dinner, meal prep Sunday. 

[miyagihawk]

i don’t even know you anymore | eli “hawk” moskowitz x fem reader

warnings: angst, cussing, mentions of mild violence

summary: your boyfriend eli has “flipped the switch” and he calls himself hawk now. the changes in him are breaking your heart.

a/n: another hawk one omg i should just become a cobra kai page honestly... but i love him sm. also shoutout to @sapphireplums for being the absolute sweetest!!!

word count: 1,141

Your boyfriend Eli was gone the second he stepped into the Cobra Kai dojo.

The changes were gradual. He slowly started becoming more defensive and angry, and he spent less time with you to practice karate. But you convinced yourself that he was just gaining confidence and that you should be happy for him.

He was still Eli until a few weeks later, when he became unrecognizable to you.

You thought it was bad before, but the birth of “Hawk” made you think that Eli had a secret crazy twin and that it was all just a huge prank. But it wasn’t. The tattoo and the mohawk were all too real.

This new “Hawk” was the true opposite of your boyfriend. Eli was soft spoken and sweet. He loved holding your hand while you walked around school and he loved playing with your hair during movie nights.

Hawk on the other hand is cocky and aggressive. At school he puts his arm around you as if showing you off like a shiny trophy. When you do hold his hand, you don’t say anything about the scars on his knuckles from the fights he starts. Movie nights are now a party of one, an empty spot on the couch where he used to touch your locks.

But through it all, through all the changes, you kept quiet.

The truth is, you still love him. Everyday you hope that he’ll change back and your sweet Eli will come back to you.

But as you see him throw punches... as you see his rage and the way he shows no mercy to his victims, it breaks your heart. Often cleaning up his cuts that he gets from throwing the first hit. Seeing all the new attention he gets from other girls. All of it is enough to make you lose your hope and you came to the conclusion that Eli was never returning.

-

You sigh as you open your front door to reveal a scene you’ve become desensitized to.

It’s Hawk, paired with a busted lip and a black eye.

He gives you a sheepish smile and you step back to let him inside.

“Hey,” he greets. You don’t say anything, you just make your way to your room and he follows closely behind.

It’s silent as you take out the first aid kit. He sits on your bed and takes off his shirt, revealing several bruises littered across his stomach . This has become such a routine that the kit was just kept on your desk.

You can feel his stare on your face as you clean up all of his cuts, but you don’t make eye contact with him. You’re tired, emotionally and physically. You finish up and put the first aid kit back.

Hawk pulls your arm back to him and you stand in between his legs. He caresses the skin of your waist right under your shirt and asks, “Can you kiss me?”

It’s tempting; you want to give in. You’ve barely spent time with him in the past few weeks and the attention still made your heart swell. But you can’t.

You look him in the eye for the first time tonight. His icy blue eyes felt like a stranger’s. You softly pull his hands away from you and get into the other side of the bed where you were sleeping before he came. Facing away from him you mutter, “Just go to sleep Hawk.”

“What’s wrong?” He asks quietly, and you can feel his eyes on you even though you’re turned around.

“Nothing’s wrong. Just go to sleep, okay?” You close your eyes and sigh.

“Something is wrong,” Hawk’s voice raises.

“Why do you think so?” You sit up, feeling anger bubbling in your stomach.

He scoffs, “Because my own girlfriend won’t even kiss me? Just tell me what’s wrong Y/N.”

You roll your eyes. “You really want to know what’s wrong Hawk? Everything’s wrong! I- I can’t do this shit anymore!”

He’s standing up now and you get out of the bed to face him.

“Y/N what are you talking about,” he furrows his eyebrows and frowns.

“I’m talking about this,” you point at his gelled up hair, “and this,” you grab his shoulder and turn him around to show him that you’re talking about his stupid tattoo. “Look at your face. I don’t kiss you because I’ll only taste blood.”

You grab his hands, and it hurts your heart to imagine the type of pain he inflicted on someone else to get them to look like that. “Look at your hands, Hawk. These used to hold me and play with my hair. Now you use them to bully some poor kids just because it makes you feel powerful. It’s all wrong.”

Hawk looks at you speechless and hurt. It’s the first time you’ve said anything about how you felt towards his new identity and your anger has built up, now exploding in his face.

If someone else was saying this to him, it would go in one ear and out the other. But coming from you, the person he loves most... It hurt like hell.

“This is me,” was all he could say.

“It’s not you. The boy I loved wouldn’t dare to hurt people like you do,” you nod your head and something changed in Hawk’s eyes that almost scared you. His heart felt stabbed when you said “loved”.

“The boy you loved was a fucking loser Y/N; he’s gone. He was insecure and he was a pussy. I’m better now, why can’t you just fucking see that!” He yells and you step back.

He has the fire in his eyes that he has when he’s fighting and that scares you.

“Eli please. I- I’ll help you okay? It’s Kreese he’s in your head. This... this is not you,” you beg.

“My name is Hawk. And I don’t need “help” Y/N. I’m more me than I’ve ever been. Kreese actually sees that. Unlike you,” Hawk says bitterly, offended that you would insult his mentor and the only person who believes in him.

“If this is you then I can’t. I can’t just keep doing this. You aren’t who I fell in love with. Like you said, Eli is gone,” you give up, turning away from the stranger your boyfriend has become.

As you sit on your bed with your back turned to Hawk, you let the tears you’ve been holding back fall down your cheeks.

You miss him. Eli.

You hear rustling and steps behind you, and you assume it was him gathering his stuff to leave.

The door was closed shut with a deafening silence and your sobs consume your body. You’ve never felt a heartache like this.

part 2!!

[reidscanehand]

Quarter Past Four

RCH 3K Celebration

Song Fic inspired by “Quarter Past Four” by Avriel and the Sequoias

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x fem!Reader

Category: Hurt/Comfort

TW: mentions of Haley’s death, mentions of typical violence/trauma on CM, mentions of victims dying on cases, cursing

I was absolutely delighted to get this anonymous request. This song is absolutely perfect for Hotch - in my opinion, anyway - and I really hope you enjoy it! xx 

Quarter past four and I'm feeling alright I'd love to close my eyes, but I can never rest my mind Thinkin' where I'm going to and where I've been While a thousand other worries are floating in the wind

Aaron despises when cases end like this. When the entire team feels like there’s more they could have done. When they have to tell families that they did not save their loved ones as they’d assured them. He hates it even more when he sees the affect that it has on the team. 

To see David, his mentor of all things - a man who had co-created the science behind behavioral analysis, seen the worst humantiy had to offer - and even he couldn’t offer a small smile or humorous comment. 

To see Derek incapable of falling asleep, his guilt far too heavy to allow him to settle down. 

To see Emily and JJ, the two who typically stayed awake the longest, nearly passed out from the physical and emotional toll of the case. 

To see Spencer, who - God knows - could barely take another heartbreak, fight tears and blankly stare at pages of books hours longer than necessary. 

And it that’s when it only becomes worse. When it really hits him. He failed the victims and their families, sure, but he failed his own family even worse. 

And I can't keep them all away But it turns out fine It turns out fine And I can't keep them all away But it turns out fine It turns out fine

To see you asleep, waiting on his couch for him, his son tucked into the crook of your neck - the both of you safe, present, and whole is a relief so profound he almost can’t breathe anymore. 

As though you sense his presence, your eyes flutter open. Your smile to him is immediately dampened when you see that he’s near tears. Silently, you extricate yourself out from around Jack, place a blanket over the sleeping boy, making sure he’s comfortable before turning to Aaron and wrapping your arms around his neck. 

There’s a reticence in his soul, something he’s struggled with since his youth. A thought, a pause, a desire to not overwhelm you with him. With the trauma and anguish that comes with this job - a job that’s really more a vocation than any of them ever thought it would be, he’s sure. 

But the second your arms find their way around him, he leans into them, incapable of letting go, his own arms pulling you as close to him as possible. 

Never really thought I'd get to see this day Where my heart is in the future, while my body rides the wave Thankful every day I get to rise again When my eyes start to open as the sunlight warms my skin

You let him cry. He’s not sure how long the both of you stand there. It feels like hours, but it could be mere moments. You don’t let go. If anything, you hold him tighter. 

You hug him as tightly as you can, so close the two of you can feel the other’s heart pounding in your chests, pressed against each other. You press a few kisses into the crook of his neck every now and again, one hand stroking the hair at the nape of his neck.

You don’t say anything, but you don’t have to. Just having you here is enough. 

And I have troubles everyday But it turns out fine It turns out fine And I fight to keep them all away But it turns out fine It turns out fine

“Are you alright, darling?” you eventually ask, so quietly that, were you not pressed against him, he would not hear you. 

“Yeah,” he whispers in response, his hand running up and down your back. 

“Are you sure about that, Mr. Hotchner?” you tease softly, pulling back to meet his eyes and letting him see the small smile on your lips. 

“I wasn’t, Mrs. Hotchner,” he concedes, his arms pulling you closer again. A thrill of happiness runs up his spine as the cool metal of your wedding rings touches the nape of his neck. “I wasn’t at all.”

“Bad case?” you ask calmly, knowingly. 

“Yeah, the worst,” he replies, his voice almost getting caught in his throat. You hear it, because of course you do and you pull back to look at him again, your hands moving to cup his jaw. 

“Well,” you smile sympathetically, “let’s talk about it tomorrow, then, okay? I think you need a breather. And I know that feels impossible right now, but you’re here, you’re safe and I’m so glad you are.” 

All Aaron can do is smile down at you, ever in shock at how your simple words can ease his suffering. 

“Now, come here,” you whisper. You lead him to the sofa, sitting him next to Jack, and you take up residency on his other side, nuzzling into his shoulder as Jack continues to sleep. 

And it’s just now, in the quiet of the house, the two most important people in his entire world snuggled up around him that, for the first time in days, his soul feels like it’s allowed to take a deep breath and rest. 

“Are you alright, love?” you whisper, mere moments from falling asleep against him. 

“I’ll be fine,” Aaron replies, a genuine smile growing on his lips. He presses a kiss to the top of your head before shutting his eyes. “I’ll be just fine.” 

~~~

Link to My Main Master List

Link to My 3K Celebration Master List

[dreamologisth2o]

Why I Believe Endersmile Is Canon

Because I’m on a bit of an Endersmile binge--

This is all gonna be very messy and just me putting my thoughts together and I’ll probably not be going through the VODs for exact timestamps or anything because that’s exhausting and I applaud the people who do, but here are my thoughts on Endersmile and why I’m 100% convinced it’s canon. They’re besties your honor.

/rp Any names mentioned are referring to their dsmp characters and not the streamers themselves unless specified

First off: The Disc. Dream trusts Ranboo, a lot. He trusts him so much that he literally gave Ranboo one of the two discs he needed to pull off his big plan at the finale. He trusted Ranboo, so much that Ranboo deciding to give the disc back to Tommy or Tubbo wasn’t an option, even though Ranboo was friends with both, which he knew. I don’t know why he gave Ranboo the disc, or how he got the disc from Skeppy in the first place, and I’m sure he did have a hundred and one back up plans for if Ranboo did decide to give Tommy the disc, but asking Ranboo to hold onto the disc in the first place means Dream trusted him to a degree, and that’s big coming from Mr. “Reserved”.

Second: Knowing Dream’s Voice. Ranboo knows/remembers Dream’s voice well enough that he hears it whenever he’s in the panic room, that his subconscious uses Dream’s voice to force Ranboo to confront his fears. For a guy who hasn’t had any one on one time or conversations with Dream in VC on stream, he sure does a really good job imagining his voice. /s 

Basically, they must have spoken, a lot. They must have spent time together outside planning for things or exchanging items or whatever. So much time, in fact, that Dream and Ranboo both end up sharing the same ideology of “People not sides” of “One big happy family” of “Being the person that stops conflicts” of “Being on all sides” of “Mediating between those sides” of “Choosing the side they think is right”. 

During Ranboo’s prison visit dream/nightmare, the Voice tells Ranboo that the only reason Ranboo hasn’t been hearing it lately, is because he hasn’t been speaking with Dream as often. That Ranboo and Dream had talked with each other nearly everyday. And I’m inclined to believe that because the mere existence of the voice proves he’s heard Dream’s voice a lot, or he has a very good memory of Dream’s voice, which, considering his memory problems probably isn’t the case. This is further supported by how ever since Dream’s been in prison, ever since Ranboo banned himself from the prison, he hasn’t heard even a hint of Dream’s voice, not even as he’s remembering more and more.

Third: The Disc War Finale. During the disc war finale, we have in universe proof and out of character confirmation from both cc!Dream and cc!Ranboo that the characters had been staring at each other during the entire thing. Some friends on a discord server have also pointed out how Ranboo appeared to be avoiding Tommy’s gaze unless Tommy’s distracted. And during the entire thing Ranboo’s the only one not holding out a weapon, instead he’s got a book and quill in his hand. We’ve now also got confirmation that Ranboo was Enderwalking during the Disc War Finale, which makes all the strange behaviors make sense because if they’re friends, if they’re allies, then Ranboo didn’t show up to fight Dream. Then Dream might’ve been trying to convey something to Ranboo, like perhaps trying to keep Ranboo from doing something stupid and revealing their alliance. Especially if he planned on being put in Pandora, he really doesn’t need his friend to try and “save” him and ruin the whole plan.

Fourth: The Voice. I am inclined to believe the things the voice says. Why? Because everything the voice is talking about are all the things Ranboo doesn’t want to confront, doesn’t want to see, doesn’t want to remember. The voice isn’t malicious. It’s not even Dream, it’s just using Dream’s voice to make Ranboo listen. And Ranboo knows it’s just himself. (also out of character confirmation from the cc!s that the voice is NOT Dream and never has been, it’s just a manifestation of all the shit Ranboo’s repressed coming up and slapping him in the face) Everything the voice does, all the things it says, is trying to get Ranboo to remember the “bad” things he’s done, to remember that he was on Dream’s side. To force him to face that side of himself that might be capable of doing bad things, if there’s a good enough reason. It exaggerates things, it makes them out to be worse than they actually are, but that’s how it’s able to get Ranboo’s attention, that’s how it’s able to force him to think about those things. Ranboo won’t do anything until he’s forced to face the problem, the Voice is just trying to get Ranboo to do that.

This is why I believe Ranboo DID blow up the community house. Why he’s working with or has worked for Dream in the past. Why he willingly gave Dream his memory book, possibly to create a visible conflict between them and ensure no one would connect them as allies, like what Dream wanted to do with Punz. And also because the other things it’s said, such as Ranboo being given the Cat disc to hold onto, have been proven to be true. Nothing the Voice has said has been confirmed a lie. And many of the things it’s talked about aren’t things we or Ranboo can find the answer to unless he talks to Dream, which is until the dude’s rescued from the prison, isn’t happening. (cc!Dream where’s your Dream lore?!?!?!)

That said, if Ranboo was the one to blow up the community house, then Dream was covering for him during the Disc War Finale. He didn’t have to. He could’ve thrown Ranboo under the bus. But he chose to take on that blame, make himself look even worse in the eyes of everyone gathered there while he was at their mercy, to protect Ranboo from similar persecution. Doesn’t this remind you of anything? And Ranboo’s got a track record of making friends with those who help him.

Fifth: The Visits. Ranboo has visited Dream in prison multiple times. At the very least at least 2 times that we have direct confirmation of, and probably even more. His visits are consistent enough that just a few days after Ranboo bans himself from the prison, Dream notices and starts a strike, tells Sapnap that Ranboo’s stopped visiting, asks him, his best friend who literally threatened to perma-kill him if he were to ever leave his horrible situation, to send a message to Ranboo. (which, I guess Dream still kinda trusts Sapnap despite everything that’s happened, huh?) 

Why would Ranboo visit? Unless they’re friends, unless they’re allies? Because even Dream’s so called best friend only ever visited once. Even Bad who Dream claims to have been the nicest only ever visited once. And while Tommy and Quackity visited more than once, their multiple visits have very clear reasons behind them, while Ranboo’s just, don’t. 

And consider: How did Ranboo know about the things that were said during the Disc War Finale, word for word, line for line, that he wasn’t present for, unless someone’s told him? Unless he heard about it from Dream himself. Unless that was what they were talking about. Unless that’s part of the reason Ranboo kept visiting Dream. 

Sixth: The Lessons. I don’t know about you, but giving life lessons to someone sounds like something you’d do with a friend, and not just a “puppet”. The whole lessons book gives off really mentor mentee vibes, and considering how Ranboo’s following in Dream’s goal of stopping conflict and uniting the server, well. And the lessons aren’t even malicious, or designed to push Ranboo away from others. In fact, many of them, especially the last few ones we see, are designed to protect Ranboo! Unless Ranboo’s safety was a top priority for Dream, there’s not much reason to pass those lessons down. This lines up incredibly well with Dream taking the blame of the community house’s destruction during the Disc War Finale, as well as his protective streak at his own expense when it comes to his allies and the people he cares about. Which means Ranboo is someone he cares about, which means they’re friends! They’re besties your honor!

Seventh: Ranboo’s Vehement Denial. Ranboo is infamous for being an unreliable narrator, for being in incredible denial despite all evidence supporting otherwise. Which means his vehement denial that Dream can be anything but bad is a fairly obvious red flag that that’s not true, and that Ranboo has reason to believe it’s not true, but chooses to actively ignore or forget those reasons and attempts to reinforce the “everything’s Dream’s fault, he can never change and will always be bad” mentality, that sounds like something he stole from Tommy or c!Dream antis, because he doesn’t want to face the fact that he has reasons for believing the opposite. At this point, I am 100% on board with the idea that all these unprompted instances of Dream hate is just a blatant cover up of how that’s not true at all. (Which he touches on, ever so briefly, when he renovates the second stronghold room)

Aaaaand that’s it! For the most part. I could touch on how Enderboo is hoarding all the backbone in this relationship and that the dynamic between Enderboo and Ranboo is closer to that of someone waking up after a sugar high or going for three days straight without sleep than it is two completely separate people or someone who’s literally sleepwalking (and that “Enderboo” is his normal state and “Ranboo” is the sleep deprived not thinking straight state). But this post is already obscenely long and I should end it here. 

TL;DR: They’re besties, your honor.

Anyways, if you got this far, thanks for reading!

[pekotranslates]

Traces of Two Pasts: Episode Tifa - pgs 40-52

Disclaimer: Also, I started this for fun so that my friends who don't have access can read it. I'm just another fan like you. With that said, I do try to be as faithful to the original source material as possible, and for those of you who can read Japanese, please support the author by buying his book.

Not everyone agreed with Chief Zonder's decision. The elderly—a major force in the village—began to make noise. They seemed to take a liking to Zangan's longevity exercises, and regretted not being able to memorize what was taught to them. They wanted someone to check if their poses were correct, and wished to learn the remaining exercises he was supposed to have taught them.

The village chief paid a visit at dinnertime.

"Hey, Tifa..." he said with a sullen expression. "Will you teach the old folks how to do Zangan's exercises properly?"

"Why Tifa?" her father asked. She just knew he would ask.

"Because Zangan named her. Told me that if we ever needed someone to mentor us, Tifa would be qualified. Said that she had the most controlled form* out of everyone who gathered there that day.

Kata, which means “form” in Japanese, is the term used to describe specific sequences of motion that are used to practice technique and execution in martial arts

It pleased her knowing that someone spoke of her like that when not in her presence, but it also caused her to be slightly embarrassed.

"Zonder, don't get my family involved."

"Aw, c'mon! I'm already in big trouble as it is. The old folks just won't let it go!"

"Hmph!" Brian Lockhart snorted. He enjoyed seeing the village chief squirm. She couldn't tell whether or not they actually got along with each other.

"Tifa, what do you think?"

"I'd just be teaching the elderly people those exercises, right? If that's all there is, then I'd like to try."

"Tifa..." her father began, but he swallowed back his complaint. He knew that it wasn't good for her to have too much time on her hands. "Well, if you're gonna do it, then do it right."

While preparing breakfast, Tifa heard a knock at the door, and opened to a woman’s face she barely recognized. It was an elderly woman called "Mon Amie" who was an aunt of sorts to Chief Zonder. Her hair was pulled back into a bun so tight that it looked like her eyes were being pulled straight up!

"Good morning to you. It's been a long time, Tifa. I heard that Zonder told you all about it. How about 2 gil per hour?"

"Sorry?" She had not heard about any renumeration.

"Well, you are thirteen now. Not a little girl anymore, so that doesn't cut it for you, eh? Alright then, how about 4 gil?"

"No, I don't want any money."

"That won't do. We are taking this very seriously, and you will be properly paid for your work."

No matter how much Zangan trusted her, would she really be up to the task? But, being able to earn her own money sounded very appealing, as if a whole new world had opened up to her.

Mon Amie took Tifa's silence as her wanting to bargain for higher wages.

"6 gil."

"Alright. 6 gil it is then."

"Brian never did leave the village. He wanted to keep Thea all to himself." Mon Amie suddenly brought up her parents during their exercise routine at the public square.

"Really?" said Tifa, adjusting Mon Amie's arm posture. She needed to get her to straighten her back and push out her chest a bit more for the desired result.

"She was quite the popular one, that child."

It wasn’t very pleasant hearing her mother being called "that child", yet Tifa encouraged her. Listening to the elderly tell old stories was a part of her job. The responsibility she felt from receiving wages tempered her patience.

"You should leave the village," said Mon Amie suddenly. "Doesn't it sound like fun going around to different places with Master Zangan?"

"It sure does."

"Alright, you don't have to play along with me. No need for you to learn things like that. Just think about it carefully, okay? Something needs to change for women here in Nibelheim."

Tifa silently nodded as she propped up Mon Amie's arm.

"There weren't any women around in my day who held this kind of thinking. But that Strife girl”—she was speaking of Cloud's mother—"tried to leave. Not sure if it's because she hated it here, or if she dreamed of going to the big city."

Mon Amie abruptly altered her pose, ruining her base form.

"To the traditional Nibelheim women, she seemed pretty unconventional. We all refused to accept her ways, but secretly felt the same. Even though we scolded her, deep down inside we were cheering her on. We even felt jealous of her for carving out her own path. Perhaps she changed something in us, little by little.”

Tifa lifted up Mon Amie's knee. "Up high like this. Thank you."

She supported Mon Amie as the woman’s body rocked back and forth.

"But Claudia remained in the village, didn't she?" said Tifa.

"Well, that’s because she fell in love. You see, a man traveled here. Claudia was helping out at the inn at the time. She must have been taken in by the outside air he brought with him. And he was a pretty fellow. I’m sure you see it when you look at Cloud. That boy got the best of both his parents!”

“Right…”

“But, just like the wind, he just couldn’t keep still. Not sure if Cloud learned how to walk yet, but around that time he told her he would go to the mountains, but never came back. They found his belongings though. His body probably got eaten by monsters. You were lucky you didn’t meet the same fate.”

Tifa braced herself. Was she going to bring up that incident?

“Cloud egging you on to climb Mt. Nibel… Maybe that was in his blood.”

Mon Amie’s body began to sway. Tifa had stopped holding onto her causing her to lose her balance. She couldn’t regain her footing in time, and fell flat down on her backside.

“Alright then," said Tifa. "Now let’s use the opposite leg. Please lift up your knee.”

Tifa held out a helping hand to her, but Mon Amie refused and got up on her own.

“Quite strict for a pretty face.”

“That’s because I get paid 6 gil to be.”

Before long, she became more attentive. She noticed Mon Amie lifting up her other knee, but it was at the wrong height again. While Tifa helped her to adjust, Mon Amie said, “You really don’t remember anything? You know, about that accident you got into?”

She was eight years old when she got into that accident on Mt. Nibel. Cloud was with her. The villagers chose to believe the story based on Emilio and the others’ testimonies, and nothing else could be said about it. Tifa really couldn't remember what happened.

"No, unfortunately not..."

Whether the elderly came to her for exercising or just to chat, it was tougher than she had imagined. Her father laughed at her and said he wouldn't have anything to do with them, even for 100 gil.

They never listened and were set in their ways, even the ones who kept away and smiled modestly at her. They just had a different view on things, and sulked if nobody paid them attention.

The topics they discussed also surprised Tifa, and sometimes hurt her too. She disliked whenever they brought up how her body looked so grown. There would be someone who sensed her discomfort or resentment, and would try to change the subject, but then it would turn into whom she should be with and things of that nature.

So, all things considered, Tifa preferred hearing them going on about herself rather than her father’s failed romances, or whom her mother used to hang out with before she got married to him. To the elderly townsfolk, her father and others his age were still “the village youth”.

After her day finished and she was about to go to sleep, she thought to herself that maybe there would be a time when she would be the one telling someone else about what happened today, or about some news she heard from another person. Telling the same stories over and over again, everyday just like the next, until she, herself, became just a relic of an era in village history.

※

“They confused me at first, but I got used to being around them, and then it wasn’t so bad anymore. That feeling of wanting someone to talk to—Everyone has that,” explained Tifa.

“So that’s where you learned to entertain guests? From spending your time talking to old folks?” asked Barret.

“Possibly. Maybe that did me good. More and more of the elderly signed up, and they started calling their morning gatherings the ‘Calisthenics Club’.”

“It’s like that at Seventh Heaven too,” said Barret with some intensity.

Aerith urged him to talk.

“It used to be just a small shop owned by this one gramps, but when Tifa started working there, the business picked up. Men crowded the place. Know what I mean, Red?”

“What I’m more interested in is what happened to Zangan afterward? I can sort of imagine based on your fighting style, Tifa...” said Red XIII.

“You’re right. There was a little more that happened before I got to where I'm at.”

※

A month passed after the start of the Calisthenics Club. All morning Tifa would teach the exercises and set aside time for her reading and arithmetic. The afternoon she'd go to the mountains and work hard towards building up her strength and stamina, and then would return home before sunset so her father wouldn’t worry. At night she would examine Zangan's writings and practice her form, reviewing the materials over and over again so as to not overlook anything.

One day, she received a letter from Emilio. He wrote about the fast-paced lifestyle in the big city, and told her about everything he found perplexing: arguments he had had with people, things he ate, the social inequality, and their differences in moral values.

“But whenever I get discouraged, it’s you I think about, Tifa, and then I imagine that day when I’ll come and get you. I'll write to you sometimes and teach you about the city, so you won't be so confused when that time comes.”

Who do you think you are? That's how she honestly felt reading the letter.

Zangan appeared, acting as if nothing had happened. He knocked on the door just in time to greet her father and asked for his permission to call Tifa out, and then led her to the river where they first met.

“Master Zangan, please let me be your student. I want to be stronger.”

“That’s exactly the answer I was looking for, but what’s the matter, Tifa? I sense your impatience. Why are you in such a hurry?”

“That’s not it!” she replied, but felt self-conscious. “No… It’s because I got that letter from my friend.”

“What kind of letter?”

“I think it’s because I don’t want to lose. I don’t want to lose to anyone who left the village.”

“Hmm. My hand-to-hand combat techniques are not meant to be used to make you feel superior to others.”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t. But the answer to that can only be found through diligent study. All right. I will acknowledge you if you pass my test.”

“Test?”

“Show me everything you’ve learned from Volume 1. You’ve been practicing, haven’t you?”

“Yes.”

Tifa performed a sequence of forms from the physical training method.

“One more time, from the beginning.”

“Okay.”

This time Zangan interrupted with instructions.

"Check the book to see the direction your palms should be facing."

Tifa crouched down over the book and flipped through the pages. The form was wrong from the very start. Should have been above not below.

“I was wrong.”

“Try again.”

When she extended both hands and slightly shifted the direction of her palms, she felt a different set of muscles tingling.

“Everything from the Book of Secrets must be obeyed. Don’t try to interpret it another way or decide that your way is better. While disciplining your body, you must learn to be faithful to your decisions. If I take you in as my student, you will become stronger. So, you must cultivate your mind to control that power. The greater and stronger the power to handle, the greater the responsibility of its owner. Do you understand?”

“Yes.”

The second time around, Zangan pointed out any minor mistakes she made. Each time she would have to go back and confirm with the Book of Secrets before advancing, which made things take twice as long. Fatigue built up in her arms and legs.

“Alright, now relax and close your eyes. Focus your attention and check the condition of your body. Does it hurt anywhere?”

“My upper back… I wouldn’t say it hurts but it feels like it’s burning...”

She slipped her right hand underneath her left armpit until it touched the lower part of her shoulder blade. Digging her fingers into it felt good.

“Hmph!” Zangan gave a satisfying nod. “That’s your shoulder blade. What you’re pressing into is the trapezius muscle. Surrounding it is your deltoid, infraspinatus, psoas minor and other muscles. The second volume will teach you how to train each one of those muscles on your back,” he said, while holding out a booklet to her. It was Volume 2.

“If you want to live your life with pride then pay close attention to your back. Squeeze your shoulder blades together, chest out. Walking through life with a beautiful posture is also part of your training.”

“Got it.”

“Let’s get started. Well then, onto Volume 2, No. 2-1-1, scapular push-ups.”

Zangan immediately prostrated himself on the ground, and lowered his chest. Tifa hastened to follow his example.

“All you're doing is supporting your whole body with your arms. Concentrate on your shoulder blades. Rotate them outwards—protract, retract, protract.”

It was her first time experiencing those movements. How was she supposed to move to protract her shoulder blades? She couldn’t picture it in her mind. Glancing over at Zangan she noticed he was rotating his shoulders outward, something her cat, Maru, often did.

“You look like a cat,” she said.

“Right. There’s a lot we can learn from cats.”

She focused her attention on her scapula, going up and down, until the repetition of movements were drilled into her body. Zangan rose and watched over Tifa for some time before clearing his throat.

“Good!”

The movements were subtle but still made her perspire.

“That’s because the muscles across your back are wider. Moving them increases the blood flow and raises your temperature, so that’s why you’re working up a sweat.”

After completing Volume 2, Tifa was sweating profusely. She felt unthinkable pain throughout her whole back.

“Alright, any questions? If you do, now’s your chance.”

She wanted to say, yes, but nothing came to mind at the moment.

“If not, then we’ll move onto Volume 3.”

“Huh?” she couldn’t help but shout. Her whole body was screaming in pain. Zangan ignored her and continued.

“Volume 3 is for chest and abs. We’re going to train your front body. The pectoralis major muscle is roughly divided into three parts: upper, middle and lower. There are several different ways to effectively train it, but I’ll teach you the basic concepts.”

“Alright…”

“At your age, your overall motor skills are complete, and in that regard, you excel. You haven’t had any special training, have you? If so, then you must have been born with this. Treasure it.”

“I will.”

She felt energy pour into her body. Perhaps listening to Zangan talk with a relaxed mind helped her to recover from fatigue.

“After a while, we’ll concentrate on building your muscles. But you will not be using any equipment except your body. We won’t be using barbells or dumbbells until you’re much older. Besides, our Zangan-ryu hardly finds them necessary. That is because I prescribe individual fighting styles that suit each of my students. You don’t need arms built like logs or a bulky chest. What you need is to build up a fighting style that will utilize those reflexes, that body, and your speed. Well, what do you want to do? Shall we call it a day?”

“No. Please go on.”

She didn’t want to disappoint the first person who had managed to earn her respect.

“Yes, that’s the spirit! Alright. But we’ll stop here for today. Let’s call this current level of fatigue your limit. Keep it in mind. You have a long way before you can try to challenge that limit to surpass it. Continuity is more important now than ever.”

On their way back, a realization came over Tifa regarding Zangan’s test. It didn't annoy her. If her father tried to make her work like that she’d probably stop talking to him for three days in a row. With those thoughts in mind, she walked her teacher back to the inn.

“Say hello to your father for me.”

As she stood in front of her house she could smell the scent of spices in the air. Spices that her mother liked to use in her best recipe. It was her father’s favorite dish, but since Tifa didn’t really like it, it was hardly ever served at the dining table.

She opened the door and said, “I’m home.”

“Welcome back.” Her father, dressed in an apron, peeked out at her from the kitchen.

“This smell… Huh? Is it mom’s?”

“I was really craving it... Oh, but I made something else for you.”

She was filled with remorse. She didn’t like the way he looked or the tone of voice he used when trying to gauge her mood, but it was all her fault for making it that way.

Novel by Kazushige Nojima

Translated by pekotranslates

Proofread by Eerie