#not seeing this really as anti Derek

[liliaeth]

Just saw a post by @hedwig221b , asking how to write Scott since they were clearly influenced by fanon over canon, and it got me thinking.

Now to me, Scott is very easy to empathize with. he's kind, caring hesitant to jump into trouble. He overthinks, and is a bit anxious, worried to do the wrong thing,

He grew up with an alcoholic for a father, and a mother too busy with work to really spend much time on him. Taking the blame for his parents marital difficulties, and blaming himself for everything that went wrong. So he tried to be 'the good kid'. The one that tried to mediate, and solve problems, to keep people from being angry with one another, or himself. the one that didn't cause trouble, that kept his head low, and was helpful to his Mom, desperate to make her life easier, so she wouldn't leave him, like his Dad did.

He fought to keep troublesome people in his life, because he didn't want to lose the ones he loved, the way his Dad left him. So no matter how much Stiles bullied him, or how judgmental and cruel Stiles could get, Scott put up with it, and didn't speak out against it. Now this is not to say Stiles was intentionally cruel, but where Scott dealt with a non present parent, and an alcoholic parent by retreating in 'good kid' mode, Stiles did so by getting more acerbic, testing people to make sure they wouldn't leave him.

Scott became in the habit of forcing down any negative feelings, anger, hate, resentment... he pushed it all down. Putting up with crap he shouldn't have as a result.

In a way, Stiles became his release valve. Stiles impulsiveness, and tendency to get into trouble gave Scott the excuse to do so with him. Because he couldn't let his best friend get into trouble on his own. Scott remained the mom friend though, the one who spoke up for reason, brought up why they shouldn't be doing the things Stiles led them into, and got ready to pull them out of trouble afterwards.

And then in comes Peter.

Scott was in the woods because of Stiles, he didn't go away with the sheriff, because he was more worried about the trouble he'd be in with his Mom if she found out he was in the woods at night, than that he was about the small chance of running into a dangerous psychopath in the woods. Because he was a kid, who'd never really dealt with anything more dangerous than his father. And an angry Mom was a known tangible threat, whereas an unknown danger in the woods was some vague notion.

But then he does get assaulted, he does get violated, and Peter turns Scott's entire body into something unknown and strange and horrifying.

People keep forgetting that where for Stiles, s1 was fun adventure time, for Scott it was and still is a full on horror story.

Stiles didn't have to deal with his body becoming some alien thing, that turned against him. Scott did.

Scott who always suppressed his negative feelings, who always controlled his emotions, suddenly had to deal with instincts and anger that he had no way to suppress let out cope with. And it scared him, rightly so.

It made him fear that he was becoming like his father, lashing out when angry or upset. Supported by how in those first days, he almost attacked his best friend, as close as a brother to him, aka Stiles.

On top of that he not only had to deal with this monstrous force in the woods (aka Peter) who tried to control his mind and thoughts and tried to make him do things against his will, aka kill people. But also with this dangerous violent brute (aka Derek) who tried to manipulate and control him. Who threatened his life, didn't even bother to tell him he wasn't the one that had assaulted him and made his life hell, and didn't bother to give him any real explanations on how to deal with the horror his life had become.

And then aside of the werewolves, he also had to deal with hunters who tried to kill him just because of something he'd been turned into against his will.

Is it any wonder that Scott didn't want to be a werewolf, and didn't accept this change that had been forced upon him?

People forget that all those horrible traumas Stiles went through in s3b, Scott already went through in s1. Scott had a force in his head that tried to make him kill, that tried to make him like killing. Something foreign to him, trying to take over his body and will. And he had to stand up to all that pretty much on his own. Because his best friend didn't understand, Derek wasn't any help, and he couldn't tell his girlfriend, because her father was a hunter, and so telling her the truth was a risk he didn't dare to take.

In fact, when she did find out the truth, her first reaction was horror. Making him even more desperate for a cure.

(it's noticeable that when Melissa finds out, her reaction is the exact same horror, the same rejection. A rejection felt by many lgbt kids as their parent rejects them after finding out the truth about them. Which is why I'll never forgive the show for never giving Melissa the time onsscreen to come to grips with what her son is now. Especially since after this discovery Melissa pretty much stops behaving like a mother to Scott, and becomes a mentor instead)

People act as if Scott was obsessed with Allison, but canonically, he never was. He always spent more time with Stiles, and Derek, he didn't fully trust her, and he always prioritized current events over his relationship with her, which led to their break up both in s1 and the end of s2.

Because Scott prioritized helping others.

I've seen people call Scott 'entitled' for daring to reject Peter's attempt to control his life, body and mind. for daring to reject Derek's manipulations and abuse in s1 and s2, for daring to continue a relationship with someone who put him first, who cared about him, and stood by him when it really came down to it, instead of rejecting her over something she had no choice about, aka her name.

I see people ignore that half the reason Allison turned against Derek and his pack in s1, was Derek's attempted murder of Lydia, Allison's best friend, Derek's abuse of Scott, and his own pack, as well as how no one bothered to tell her what had really happened with Victoria.

Scott couldn't, cause she refused to talk to him, when it would have mattered. She'd have rejected the truth from Derek, even if he'd tried to tell her the truth. And Stiles, the only person she would have listened to, and who had access to her, never bothered to tell her what really happened.

Back to Scott though.

Scott's main character trait is that he's kind, that he's forgiving, sometimes too forgiving, but yet, his willingness to forgive kept him giving chance after chance to his friends, to Stiles, when he was being cruel, to Derek, when he handed him over to Peter to be violated, to Allison when she was manipulated by Gerard, to Isaac, for following Derek's orders, to Liam for trying to murder him...

And his main flaw is as it always was, his tendency to push down his negative feelings.

He followed the advice of his mother, to be his own anchor, and mistook it for the need to control his emotions, to push down his rage, his anger, his instincts. To be calm and in control, no matter what.

This is a flaw, because it came from his tendency to blame himself, all of which led to his depression and repeated suicidal ideation.

and we all know how bad it is when you push down your feelings and try to be in control too much. Because sooner or later it's going to come out. And in Scott it tends to lead to him stopping himself from healing, because as always he aims his anger at himself instead of at the people who really deserve it.

Scott is probably the most emotionally complex character on Teen Wolf, because so many of his emotions are internalized. He doesn't lash out like Stiles or Derek, or Peter. he forces those emotions down and down, building up pressure inside of him.

It's part of what makes him the most unique character on Teen wolf.

He's a healer, not a fighter, he's a Mom friend, a caretaker. He's the one ready to take care of everyone, not just those close to him, and give people far more chances than they deserve. But he'll stand up to those who hurt others, he'll be there for others, the way no one really was there for him.

He's the story of a trauma survivor who became a caretaker and defender for those who went through the same suffering he did.

And that's just part of why he's my favorite Teen Wolf character by far.

[reidswhre]

can you figure me out? ; spencer reid x fem!reader

summary: you try everything possible so that spencer realizes that you are completely in love with him, but he just doesn't seem to notice it.

warnings: i had spencer from season 2 in mind, nothing dw!

a/n: I had this draft saved and I was improving it to be able to post it, I hope you enjoy it! I have a couple of requests, thank you very much!! I hope to be able to make them soon. 💗 By the way, english is not my first language, let me know any mistakes, have a beautiful day! 💘

Everyone at the BAU knew you were completely in love with Spencer Reid.

Except for Spencer.

Which was sometimes funny—most of the time it was—but other times it was frustrating. It didn’t seem logical to you how a genius with an IQ of 187 couldn’t realize that he was basically the love of your life. It’s not like you were trying to hide it or something. He’s just oblivious.

Because of this, Morgan and García proposed a little game to you.

“I bet you could flirt with him all day, and he’d think you were just being friendly,” Penelope laughed.

You lightly bumped your forehead against your desk, staying there defeated. “Don’t even say that,” you mumbled against the desk.

“Hey, hey, don’t be sad, cutie,” Derek gently lifted your head so you could see him. “It’s not as bad as it seems. He’s just… something else,” he laughed.

“Don’t say that,” you frowned at Derek.

Derek raised his hands in a gesture of innocence. "Hey, it's okay, I'm not offending your husband."

"He's not my husband, and he never will be if he never pays attention to me." You sighed.

"Look, sweetie, flirt with him all day, no filter." She laughed.

Derek played along. "That's right, let's see how hard it is for him to notice." He laughed too.

"Stop playing around, this is serious, don't be like that." You were quite sad.

"We're being serious too!" Derek exclaimed.

"I mean, it's what you want, right? For him to notice. It's not possible that you flirt with him all day and he doesn't notice." Penelope added. "And listen, babe, if he doesn't notice this, I'm sorry to say it, but he's ignoring you," she explained to you.

You groaned and rested your head on the desk.

After a while, you started thinking about what Morgan and Garcia had said. After all, you had nothing to lose; in the end, it was basically what you did every day. Although, of course, this was a bit over the top, but who knows if it was over the top enough for Spencer to notice.

"Hey, you." You smiled at Spencer, who was in the office kitchen making one of his coffees.

Spencer looked at you. "Oh, hey." He gave you a smile, one of those where he just closed his lips without showing his teeth. Pretty typical of him.

"Those glasses?" You smiled, trying to make conversation.

Of course, you had noticed them; how could you not? He started wearing them about a week ago, and he looked dreamy. So much so that you thought you stared at him for about five minutes straight a couple of days ago while Hotch was explaining a new case.

"Mm, the contacts were really bothering my eyes lately." He explained while continuing to prepare his coffee.

"Well, they look great on you; you look great, really handsome." You began your mission.

"They’re nothing special. I had to get anti-reflective coating because the glare was bothering me too. It’s a coating applied to both surfaces of the lenses to reduce the glare caused by reflected light." He started explaining, as he always did, not noticing your attempt to tell him he looked good.

Spencer’s obliviousness: 1 - 0 : You.

"Ah—right, yeah." You sighed and watched him leave the kitchen, giving you another one of his smiles.

Second attempt.

You were at your desks, which were next to each other, finishing paperwork from the last case.

"Are you done? It's almost lunchtime," you asked Spencer.

"I still have to finish the geographical profile," he said, looking at his papers. "But I can do it after lunch." He looked at you.

"Great! I was thinking, would you like to go to that sandwich place a couple of blocks away?"

"Oh, sure! Tito’s, right?" He said, recalling the name of the place. "Sounds great." He smiled at you.

You were a bit surprised. "Oh, really? Great—Yeah, perfect." You stumbled over your words a bit—he had just accepted a date with you!

"Great, I'll tell the others," he said as he tidied up his desk.

"Okay, sure," you replied without thinking. "Wait—what? Spencer—" Maybe you thought he accepted a date with you too soon.

"Morgan loves that place," he told you. "See you later, okay?" He smiled and left.

You sighed.

Spencer’s obliviousness: 2 - 0 : You.

You sighed again.

Hotch and JJ explained a new case to you—apparently, there was a serial killer in Mill Creek, and this other guy who called himself the "Empty Man." It seemed they had some sort of rivalry and were killing women without restraint. So now, you guys would have to travel to St. Louis to help solve the case.

Everyone boarded the plane, which took off immediately after the case was announced. Everyone was scattered around the plane, analyzing the case. You were sitting next to Reid, across from the little table that those seats have.

After that tragic and terrifying lunch, you were left thinking about the possibility that Spencer did know and was ignoring you to avoid hurting you. Maybe he just didn’t like you, which wasn’t such a big deal. But you wished that if that were the case, he would at least tell you.

"Are you okay?" you heard the voice of the man from Las Vegas next to you.

"Hm? Yeah, yeah, of course," you replied instinctively.

"You don’t seem like it," he said with a frown.

Great, now he was starting to notice things.

"Really, I’m fine. I was just—thinking," you replied honestly.

"About what?" he asked.

"About you," you blurted out. The truth was, it was now or never; it didn’t matter whether he felt the same way or not.

"Me? Why about me?" he asked, even more confused.

"You're incredible, Reid," you laughed—it was better than crying. "I’ve been trying all day to get you to notice how much I like you! And you don’t understand anything!"

Awesome.

Spencer’s obliviousness: 3 - 0 : You.

Double awesome.

"Do you like me?" Spencer said, completely clueless.

"Of course i do! Ever since I got here. And I've tried everything but—" You sighed. "You don't like me... And that's okay, I don't expect you to, I just wish you'd tell me, you know?"

Spencer let out the breath he was holding and laughed a little. "Where did you get that from? How do you think I don't like you?"

"I do?" You opened your mouth in surprise, which made him laugh.

"Of course you do," he laughed. "I just thought you were being nice to me, you're nice to everyone, I didn't think it was special with me."

"Of course you are!" You laughed.

"According to April Bleske-Rechek, the psychologist leading the task force that studied the relationship between men and women, males and females have a very different perception of the messages they receive from the opposite sex." Reid started to Reidplain as he always did. "This, especially in the case of men, leads them to misinterpret signals."

"Really?" You said sarcastically, leaning on your hand, watching him as he explained.

"Yes, which is why I thought I was misinterpreting you." He shrugged.

"Not at all." You smiled as you brushed a strand of hair off his forehead.

"We're in the middle of a case, I'd appreciate it if you two could behave," Hotch said from the back of the plane.

"Oh, right, right, yeah—I'm sorry," both of you mumbled a bunch of incoherent apologies.

Then you looked at each other out of the corner of your eye with a small smile.

Awesome.

You: 1 - 3: Spencer’s obliviousness.

Triple awesome.

Take that, silly mental scoreboard.

[mulletpermsicantlookaway]

The Jockification of Jeremy

This is Part 1 of a sequel to The Cupbearer, Part 2. The characters of Jeremy and Chase are my invention. The characters of James (the originally unnamed narrator of the previous story), Tyler, Steve, Derek, Brittney, and Becky were created by the earlier writers.

We start where the last story left off, seen from Jeremy's point of view.

__________

Dear Diary,

I can’t believe I’m actually going to get to make out with Steve and James! They are so effing hot! Steve’s the cuter one, but they are boyfriends, after all, so it’s a package deal. That’s fine. James is sexy, but he’s scary, too. He’s not tall, and he’s quite a bit shorter than Steve, but he’s big! He almost looks like that linebacker guy Derek’s younger brother, except that Derek is blond, and James’s hair is so dark it’s almost black.  They’re not related as far as I know, other than being total jocks. Derek has the reputation of being one mean SOB, and he looks the part. All the freshmen are terrified of him. But the freshmen avoid James, too. From what I hear, he’s stuffed one or two guys into a locker before.

The bottom line is that there’s no way I want to get on James’s bad side. He made it clear this was a one-time thing, and if I bother Steve and him after this, he will seriously mess me up. I believe him. You don’t tell a guy like him No.

It’s funny; despite him looking like a walking stereotype of a dumb jock, rumors have it that the guy’s super smart. If he is, he sure doesn’t come off that way. He doesn’t seem gay, either, but neither does Steve. Our football team has several gay jocks, and unless you see one of them kissing a guy, you can’t tell them apart from the straight jocks. Certainly no one makes fun of any of them for being gay. And, to their credit, they’ve made life easier for all the gay guys at school. The gay jocks may not like nerds or geeks much, but they will intervene if they see any gay kid being harassed for being gay.  That’s really cut down on the homophobia, because you’re taking your life in your hands making an anti-gay remark if one of the gay jocks overhears it.

Steve isn’t as intimidating as his boyfriend. He’s very cute, especially for a football jock.  He’s tall, and plenty built, too, but he doesn’t have the sheer size his boyfriend has. James’s thighs look big enough to crush a bowling ball. I can’t imagine him wearing jeans; it must be hard for him to find clothes that fit.  In fact, I don’t remember seeing him wear anything but athletic shorts, even this time of year, but a lot of the jocks wear shorts all the time. James and Steve seem to find shorts that are a lot shorter and more form-fitting than what most of the other jocks wear. Maybe that’s how you can tell gay jocks: they’re not afraid to show off how built they are.

Dear Diary,

Tonight’s the night! I’m going to meet them at Steve’s house for a “study” session after dinner. Hopefully they forget to shower after practice. I hear that they and several of the guys on the football team have monster cocks, and from the look of the bulges in their shorts, I don’t think I’ll be disappointed.

I feel a little bad that I’m hiding all this from Chase. He’s been my best friend since grade school, and we share practically everything, but he doesn’t like jocks. At all. And he sure doesn’t get why I find them hot, so I don’t want to get him started.

Dear Diary,

I have a lot to tell you. First off, Steve’s got a nice, big room, and his house is huge. Clearly his parents have a lot of money. Other than being big, his room is pretty much what you’d expect of a jock: athletic gear and clothes lying around, and more than a whiff of locker room smell. One thing’s odd, though; he’s got a large, fancy, and expensive-looking chess set in his room. Hardly the kind of thing you’d expect from a football player. I heard somewhere he used to be on the chess team, although that’s hard to believe.  Second, you really have no clue how big guys like that are until you see them out of their clothes. Steve’s gorgeous like an athletic model, but I about fainted at the sight of his cock. I knew he had a big package, but that thing’s obscene! And James’s is just as big, if not bigger. Now James is one hairy dude: chest, legs, arms, everywhere. He’s even got 6-pack abs you can hardly see for all the hair. Steve’s got hardly any chest hair, just a few hairs around his nipples, but he’s got a lot of leg hair and a nice treasure trail leading up to his belly button.

It was a hot time, but kind of overwhelming. I actually felt a little queasy afterward. Maybe one of them had a cold, because my voice is kind of scratchy and hoarse now, and I feel “off”, as if I’m coming down with something. Well, whatever happens, it was absolutely worth it! I even got a little souvenir! I’m not sure whose jockstrap it is, I’m guessing Steve’s, just because it was his room. It’s huge and stretched out, but that tells me nothing: either one of their packages could have done that. I know some people think some of the football players must be on steroids to be so big, but it can’t be that. Even I know that steroids shrink your balls, and there’s nothing shrunken about their balls.

Dear Diary,

When I went to bed last night, I slept with the jockstrap as a reminder of what a good time I had. I think I’ll wear it to school. Under my clothes, no one will know I’ve got it on. Not even Chase.

Dear Diary,

Wearing the jockstrap to school was interesting. It’s obviously way too big for me, so I wore it under a pair of my briefs so that it’d stick close to my balls. It must be my imagination, but it felt kind of warm and tingly down there when I had it on. Another weird thing is how that jock smell seems to get stuck in your nose. I even imagine I smell it on myself even when I’m not wearing the jockstrap. I still feel a bit “off”. I’m not as hoarse now, but I seem to have a lot of phlegm, and I’m having trouble clearing it out. My nose isn’t stuffed up, but my voice kind of rumbles as if I’ve got a cold.

Dear Diary,

I’ve worn that jockstrap to school all week, and now it’s getting kind of gamey. But it’s recovered amazingly from being stretched out by jock football player monster cocks; it’s not loose at all now. In fact, I think I could wear it by itself without the briefs to hold it in place. To avoid chafing while wearing the extra material, I found I had to start walking with a bit of a rolling swagger. It just feels more natural. I can’t believe I used to just mince around. This feels so much more, I don’t know, confident, I guess.

Dear Diary,

My balls and cock started to feel itchy all the time, and I was scratching a lot, so I decided I’d better give up and wash that jockstrap out. I’ll have to do it myself. I don’t want to put it in the laundry and have my mom ask me what I’m doing with it.

Dear Diary,

I finally washed the jockstrap out in the sink and then let it dry in my room overnight. I think that got all the smell out, but since I kind of have that smell in my brain all the time now, it’s hard to tell for sure. Anyway, washing it seems to have shrunk it a lot. I wouldn’t call it tight, but my junk fills it just fine, and I certainly don’t need briefs to hold it on. That’s a good thing, because my briefs all suddenly got tight and uncomfortable, and now I’m sticking to boxers. My throat isn’t scratchy anymore, and the phlegm finally cleared up, but my voice hasn’t gotten back to normal. I don’t sound sick or anything, but everything comes out in this low rumble that doesn’t sound like me. A few people have made comments about it, including Chase, who asked me why I sounded so douchey. Maybe my voice hadn’t quite finished changing? I’d been hoping to audition for the winter musical, but unless my voice recovers, I don’t see how I’d be able to sing any of the leads.

Dear Diary,

Mom must have messed up something in the laundry, because all the sudden my clothes are all tight, and my pants have shrunk and they’re riding highwater. Even my shoes are tight; she must have tried to wash them, too.

Dear Diary,

As much as I hate to give it up, I think I’d better stop wearing that jockstrap. Chase came over to work on our joint class project, and the first thing he said was that my bedroom smelled like a locker room. I guess I just don’t smell it anymore. I’m itchy down there again, so it’s probably time to wash out that jock anyway. Then I guess I’d better put it away. Too bad. It’s been fun while it lasted.

Dear Diary,

I had the weirdest dream last night. I was in the locker room suiting up for a football game with Chase, Derek, James, Steve, and Tyler. I’ve never even talked to Tyler. He’s one of the other jocks on the football team. I think he’s friends with James, not that it matters; all the jocks seem to hang out together in one big herd. Anyway, that dream kind of freaked me out. First, what’s Chase doing playing football? It didn’t even really look like him; it was like a jock version of Chase, which was kind of hot. Second, why would I dream about Tyler when I hardly know who he is? Third, I’ve never played football in my life. Football season’s about over, anyway, but our team’s in the playoffs this year for the first time in forever, apparently.  Everyone’s saying what got them there was all the new players we got this year, like Tyler, James, Steve, Zach, and some others. With that much talent and size, we’re creaming the other schools.

Dear Diary,

What the fuck is going on with the laundry? Just when I think Mom is done shrinking my clothes, she does it again. It’s getting to be pathetic. I mean, people are looking at me funny, even Steve and James. That Tyler guy, the one from my weird dream (and he is one husky dude; he’s nearly as big as Derek), he looked at me sideways in the hall and said something like, “You been working out, little bro? You ever think about trying out? Football’s about over, but basketball and wrestling are starting, and I think they’re both short a few guys. I don’t think I’ve noticed you before, but you’re getting some height on you, and some muscle, too.” I mean, he’s talking to me as if he thinks I’m a jock. I don’t get it. Just because my pants are shrinking doesn’t mean I’m getting taller. And I certainly haven’t been working out.

Dear Diary,

Steve and James were looking at me weird again today. I don’t know what those dudes are staring at me for. I haven’t said word one to them since we made out. As I said before, bros, I don’t want a mean-looking motherfucker like James to beat me up because he thinks I’m trying to hit on his boyfriend. Not that I haven’t been horny as hell lately. I keep zoning out in class thinking about naked football players or basketball players or wrestlers or whatever, and by the time I snap out of it, half the school day’s gone by, and I hardly remember any of it. I think about Chase, too. Sometimes I imagine Chase as a naked football player or wrestler, and then I really get horny. By the way, I had to start wearing that jockstrap again. I bought myself another one, too. It was just too uncomfortable to go without wearing one. I think I wore that first fucking strap too long and got used to the feeling. If I’m not wearing one now, my balls feel all heavy and shit, and my dick flops all over the place when I walk, and I feel as if I’m lumbering around with this huge weight in my pants. I guess I just need the support, especially since none of my briefs fit anymore.

Dear Dudery, Dear Di – Let’s just drop this dweeb diary shit and I’ll just write what happens, okay?

Things keep getting weirder. Today James came up to me in the hall and said, “Little bro, I think you and I need to have a little bro talk. Let’s take a walk.”

James strolled until we’d reached a hallway hardly anyone was in, and then he turned toward me with his eyebrows slightly raised, as if he’d asked me a question and was waiting for the answer. I said, “What’s up, dude? I’ve left you and Steve alone, so what’s your effing beef?”

James said, “You have, and that was smart. Trust me, you do not want to be on my bad side. But that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about, not exactly, anyway.”

Then I said, “So? What’d you want to talk about?”

“You, little bro. I wanted to talk about you – and your future. Think of me as kind of like a guidance counselor,” he said with a chuckle and a one-eyebrow-raised smirk on his face. “Seriously, though, are you feeling okay, little bro? You notice anything different about yourself lately?”

“No, I feel fine,” I said, puzzled. “Well, I’ve been kind of itchy, but my clothes are too tight. My mom’s been doing something with the laundry. She keeps shrinking everything.”

His smirk widened into one of those shit-eating grins that all the jocks seem to do when they think something’s funny that you don’t.  He said, “Look, little bro, don’t go blaming your poor mom. A mom’s a gay bro’s best friend anyway, but that’s another story. Let’s get back to what’s been going on with you, little bro, because Steve and I – and Tyler, and some others – have seen this kind of thing happen before. Your clothes haven’t changed, little bro, not at all. You have. Are you really that clueless? Have you given yourself a good look in a mirror lately?”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean, James?”

“Yeah, there it is. That’s what I was waiting for. Starting to lose it, aren’t you? You really don’t want to push it with me, little bro, but I’m going to be – magnanimous – and let that pass. As I was saying, I’ve seen this kind of thing before. You’re feeling super aggressive right now, and super horny, and that’s why you’re lashing out. Otherwise, you’d know better than to try to get me mad. Let’s get back to the point. Have you seriously not noticed that you’re at least three inches taller than you were a couple of weeks ago? You’re taller than I am now. And you’ve gotten bigger. It’s not a lot, but I can see it. You’re scratching yourself a ton when you think no one’s looking, so I’m guessing you’re sprouting some new hair. Your voice is lower, and – how do I put this – you don’t exactly talk like a theater queen anymore. You’ve also been looking kind of distracted, as if something’s on your mind. And I can guess what it is, because those tight pants of yours leave nothing to the imagination.

“Anyway, little bro, even if you haven’t noticed that you’ve been changing, other people have.” Then he leaned in so closely that I could feel his hot breath on my face. He whispered, “And – assuming you remember our recent get-together – Steve and I know very well that your package wasn’t nearly that big when we saw it, okay? We’re guessing that jockstrap you filched from us fits you pretty well by now, right? So go take a good hard look at yourself in the mirror and then tell me what you really see, because right now, you’re either really dumb or you’re in complete denial. Or maybe both.”

I couldn’t say a word. I couldn’t think. Suddenly I was so filled with rage I couldn’t see straight. I wanted to lash out; I needed to hit him or hit something, but James said, “Calm down, little bro. I know you really want to go there, but don’t, okay. You may be taller, but I’m a lot bigger and stronger than you are, and I really don’t want to hurt you. That aggression you’re feeling right now will get more manageable in time, trust me.”

My brain was spinning a thousand directions at once, trying to make some sense of what James was telling me, but all I could think to say was “Why do you keep calling me ‘Little bro’?”

“Because you’re almost a bro, but not quite.” Then he smirked at me again and added, “Oh, before I forget, expect a talk from the basketball coach about trying out for the team. Maybe the wrestling coach, too, but I know for a fact that my bro Derek talked to the basketball coach about you.”

“Why the fuck would I join the basketball team, bro? I don’t know how to play basketball.”

“Because, bro,” he said pointedly, with an even bigger smirk, “Jocks belong to a team. Before I joined the football team, I didn’t know how to play football, either, so not knowing how is fucking beside the point. You’re here in school to learn, right? So you’ll learn – the way I did. Resistance, little bro, is futile. You know,” he said, with a strange look on his face, “You were kind of a cute little dude. It’s almost a pity. But there are – compensations – to being a jock, as you’re about to find out, and there are worse things than turning into the kind of guy you’re attracted to. I’m sure you’ll end up pretty hot, but your days of being a cute little geeky dude are over.”

I couldn’t understand what he was trying to tell me, but oddly, my spinning brain again latched onto only one thing in what he had said, and I sputtered: “Wait, Derek? That mean-looking linebacker dude with a neck wider than his head? He doesn’t even know me. Why would he talk to the basketball coach about me? What’s going on?”

James barked out a laugh, “I’ll have to tell Derek that one. You’ll make his day. But little bro, back to the point, seriously, are you that dense? I told you: you may not have noticed how much you’ve changed, but other people have. Important people. Take it from your guidance counselor, little bro. Later!” And with that, he swaggered off.

“What the? How? Wait, you think I’m turning into a jock or something? I’m not dumb. You must be crazy! Wait!” But he was gone.

I felt kind of nauseous, so I decided to go into the men’s room and take a good hard look at myself, as he’d suggested.

I was determined to be completely honest with myself. The first thing I noticed looking in the mirror is that my clothes looked geeky and awful. No wonder people were looking at me funny. My pants were ridiculously tight and riding a good three inches above my ankles. I looked stuffed into my shirt, too. At least the shirt didn’t ride up like my pants, but what was I thinking dressing like this? None of it came close to fitting. I looked like some dumb jock dressed up as a nerd for Halloween. Wait. Did I really look like a jock?

I looked at myself again and reminded myself to be honest. James was right: I was taller than I remembered. And I had a little muscle in my arms and chest that I didn’t remember, either. But the real shock was my face. How could I have changed that much without noticing? I hardly recognized myself. My brows were heavier, my jaw was firmer, my lips were a bit fuller, and I had a lot of scruffy hair growing on my face. How often did I shave now? Clearly, it was no longer enough. As I stared at my strange face in the mirror, my slightly pouty lips were hanging agape, giving me a distinctly dopey look. Is this really how I looked to other people? I scratched at the fuzz on my cheeks and suddenly felt restless. I needed to go do something, you know, run, jump, hit something, or whatever. I couldn’t just stand still. I left the men’s room and ran down the hall. I was way late for my next class, and no one was in the halls. Still running without realizing where I was going, I found myself down by the locker rooms where the coaches’ offices were.

I stopped then and stood for a minute at a loss, wondering what I was thinking, just coming down there when I should be in class. I was about to head back upstairs when a tall well-built man in athletic clothing started approaching from the other end of the hallway. He was in his middle thirties, or maybe early forties, and very handsome, even though he was old enough to be my dad. When he got close, he said, “Well, this is a surprise! Jeremy, isn’t it? I’m Coach Sanders. I was going to try to catch you later today, but since you’re here, come into my office!”

I followed him without saying a word, as if I’d been struck dumb. Once in his office, the coach had me sit down in a chair facing his desk. “So, Jeremy,” he started. “I don’t think we’ve ever met. I’m the basketball coach, and I like to talk personally with any young man who shows the kind of potential you’re showing right now. I don’t know if you remember our former football coach?” I shook my head, my mouth hanging open like an idiot. “Well, our new coach has a fine program, and the football teams are doing an amazing job finishing up their season. But he’s reaping the benefit of the special training and conditioning regimens the old coach had developed for bringing young men like you to their true potential as athletes.”

I nodded dully as if I understood what he was talking about, but then I said, “Young men like me?” What did he mean by that?

“Yes,” said the coach. “Young men like you that don’t have an athletic background. He did some incredible work with guys like you. For example, I think you know Steve O’Connor? And his boyfriend, James? And James’s friend Tyler. They were all part of his program. And there were others as well.”

“Oh,” I said, “I had no idea those guys hadn’t come from an athletic background, as you put it, Coach. They all seemed like total jocks to me.”

“I’m sure they did, Jeremy, and that’s exactly my point. His work was truly amazing. Just think of it: some of our biggest football stars had never played football before, and now they’re such ‘total jocks’, as you put it, that you had no idea that they hadn’t always been jocks. Steve O’Connor, for example, used to be on the chess team.”

“Excuse me, Coach, but I’m not sure I understand why you’re telling me all this.”

“Because, Jeremy, I wanted to let you know that you have the potential to excel just as much as those young men have. You see, I am very familiar with the old coach’s methods. I assisted him frequently, and I still have a lot of his program materials. Given where you are now, I feel I have the means to help you reach your potential.”

“That sounds really interesting, Coach,” I said, “But I should get back to class. As it is, I’ve already missed half the period.”

“Don’t worry about that, Jeremy. I can excuse you from class. As you said, you’ve missed half the period already, and by the time you get back you might as well have not gone at all. But if you’re willing to give me just a few more minutes of your time, I can show you a bit of what I have in mind for a conditioning program for you. Follow me!”

We left his office and entered the men’s locker room, passing through it into a smaller room with an old couch, a television, and a couple of chairs.

“Now, sit down and make yourself comfortable for a minute, Jeremy,” he said, indicating the couch. “But those clothes of yours, son, they don’t come close to fitting you. You’re way too big for them, and I want you to be comfortable. I’ve got a spare basketball uniform you can wear. I’ll be right back.”

Reddening with embarrassment, I stripped down to the jockstrap, and I put on the basketball shorts and tank top the coach brought me. Both were a bit big on me, but it was a relief after being cramped in such tight clothes.

Once I’d finished changing, he came back in the room and said, “Okay, Jeremy, now that you can relax, there’s a little video I want you to watch. Just sit here, watch the video, and I’ll come back to get you when it’s over.” He queued up the video on the TV, gave me a pair of headphones for the audio, told me to lean back in the couch and relax, then he dimmed the lights and left the room.

I really didn’t expect much from the video, but it was amazing. I remember how exciting it was, and just thinking about it now reminds of how proud it made me feel to be a jock. It’s funny, though, because now I really can’t describe what it was about, something about commitment, drive, and sports, I think. It didn’t seem very long; at least, I don’t remember watching it for very long. But I must have fallen asleep or something, because the next thing I remember was the bell going off. The lights were back on – again – I think, but I was sitting there blinking my eyes and trying to remember where I was. I was in Coach Sanders’s office. The coach was sitting at his desk, and Derek was standing next to him, looking at me curiously.

I said something like, “Oh shit, dude. I mean, Coach, I’m so sorry. I must have zoned out. I’d better get to my next class. I’m so fucking late! Sorry about the language, Coach.” Something about me sounded off, but I couldn’t put my finger on it.

“Jeremy, son, snap out of it. That was the final bell. Classes are over. Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah, Coach, I feel fuh, I feel, uh, effing awesome, actually. All revved up and ready for practice. I didn’t miss practice, did I? Am I forgetting something? You wanted me to watch a video or something?”

“You already watched it, Jeremy.”

“Oh, okay, Coach. Sorry. Yeah, that’s right. I did watch the video. Did I see everything you wanted me to see, then?”

“Yes, you did. You’re doing just fine, Jeremy. You’ll be feeling like yourself again in no time. And don’t worry about your classes. You’re excused for today. But just remember that you need to keep your grades up if you’re going to stay on the team, particularly when you’re doing two sports.”

“Understood, Coach,” I said. “Uh, grades shouldn’t be a problem for me, I think.” At least, they’d never been before. “But, uh, sorry, what two sports was I doing again?”

“Basketball and wrestling, son. Look, I know maybe grades aren’t a problem for you generally, but you know you’re not the brightest kid in school, and you’ll have a lot more, well, distractions in your life right now. Both teams are counting on you. And remember that the weight program and diet I’ve outlined for you are just as important as practice.  You have a ton of potential, but to realize that potential, you need to start packing on some serious muscle.”

“Got it, Coach. I know it’ll be a lot of work, but I’m really motivated, and I’m super stoked about your program.”

“Glad to hear it. Well, you’re already suited up for practice, so get out to the gym and start warming up. And remember, we’re hitting the weight room after practice.”

“Sure, Coach. I’m looking forward to it.”

“Okay, get out of here, big guy,” he said, patting me on the shoulder. “Derek will show you the way. I’ll see you at practice.”

I had to say it was super cool of the coach to take all that time with me personally, especially since I wasn’t a very big guy, at least not yet. I caught my reflection in the mirrors as I went back through the locker room. The basketball uniform fit me well. Of course, it was nothing like my wrestling singlet, which was skin tight and hid absolutely nothing, especially my bulging package. The basketball shorts were loose and hit a bit above my knees. My long, hairy legs were skinnier than I liked, and my upper body was the same, but I could see the beginnings of some pec muscles under the tank top, and deltoids, biceps, and triceps starting to form on my shoulders and arms. I looked rangy, not built, but I’d be packing on muscle soon with Coach’s program. I hadn’t realized how bushy my armpits had gotten, and there were a few fine chest hairs showing above the neck of the tank top. I’m glad I finally got a haircut, though. I look really cool with the high fade. It’s way more practical, especially for wrestling. Most of the other bros keep their hair short, too, although not all of them keep it as short as Derek does with that blond buzz.

Anyway, basketball practice was great, and the other bros on the team are awesome! Everyone seems super chill, and I just fit right in. There are even some gay jocks on the team like me, and they’re all really hot. Steve O’Connor’s one; it’s nice to see someone I already know.  Steve introduced me to Zach Davis, who’s one of the gay jocks, and he’s almost as cute as Steve.

After hitting the weight room, I showered and went back to my locker. I guess I’d left a clean outfit in there, but the clothes didn’t look familiar. I didn’t see any underwear, but there was a pair of compression shorts, so I pulled those on, stuffed my package into them, and then put on a T-shirt. The compression shorts felt soft and silky against my cock and balls, although the bulge was a little obscene. The support was almost as good as a jockstrap. I’ve really hit a growth spurt recently, and everything’s gotten bigger, if you know what I mean. The bulge wasn’t so obvious once I put a pair of regular athletic shorts on over the compression shorts. That reminds me; I need to tell Mom and Dad that I need some more jockstraps. My balls have gotten so big and heavy that I really need that extra support, especially for basketball.

When I finally got my phone out of my locker and looked at it, I had a bunch of messages from Chase wondering where I was. I don’t know what his problem was; it should have been obvious: I was at practice. It’s not as if I’d been gone all day. Sometimes I wonder why I’m friends with a geek like him anyway. But he is awfully cute for a little dude, and I’m pretty sure he’s into me. Maybe if I went out with him, I could talk him into going out for wrestling. He could certainly stand to pack on some muscle. Anyway, I had other plans for the night. Derek invited me over to his place to watch the game with some of the other bros. His girlfriend Becky was going to be there, and Tyler and his girlfriend Brittney, plus Steve and James. I guess James and Tyler have been best friends forever, and Becky was friends with Steve and James, who had fixed her up with Derek. It’s so cool that the straight bros and gay bros get along so well. Zach was supposed to be there, too. Maybe I’d get to know him a little better.

Anyway, I texted back Chase: “Chill out, bro. Was at bball practice. C U tomorrow @ school. Got plans 2nite.”

Chase sent: “Plans? U OK? Someone got ur phone? Since when u play basketball?”

“Going to Derek’s to watch the game. Tell u bout it 2morrow. Later!” Anyway, I had a great time hanging out with the bros and watching the game. Zach seemed nice, but I wasn’t really into him, and I don’t think he was into me, either. I kept thinking about Chase. He kept blowing up my phone, but I ignored it. I was trying to decide what to do, but it was hard to think; I was so tired after practice and working out. I finally went home and collapsed on the bed. I barely managed to get my clothes off before I fell asleep, and then I dreamt about hot, hairy bros, but all the bros had Chase’s cute little geek face. It made me think how hot Chase would be if he were a jock, too. That woke me up, and then I realized my cock and balls needed some serious attention before I could get back to sleep. When I finally came, my balls must have been really backed up, because I made a huge mess. I had to clean it up the best I could, because I couldn’t exactly get up and change the sheets without waking everyone else up. But I sure felt a lot better. My thoughts calmed way down, and I felt really mellow and chill. I fell right back to sleep.

To be continued...

[seaweed-water]

OKAY

i'm gonna say this final thing on anti-stereks and hope you read through this despite your hatred for the ship.

the number one reason i hear about anti-sterek is: pedophilia/grooming/statutory rape, etc.

my answer to this: when the show first aired, derek's age IN THE SCRIPT was 19 (nineteen... notice how the word 'teen' still exists in that age') by the time the timeline and derek's age got all fucked up, sterek was already set in motion and it was too late. i'm not gonna stop shipping a couple just because the showrunners fucked up.

that means a three-year age gap if stiles is 16 in the pilot. california does not have romeo and juliet laws, so you would be correct that it's technically still considered statutory rape. however, let's not pretend it's uncommon to date someone three years apart anywhere in the world. you're really telling me if you were sixteen and nineteen-year-old derek hale was barking up your tree, you'd say no??

even if it still bothers you, remember: these characters are fictional. just because people enjoy this kind of dynamic in fandom media does not mean they support it in the real world. with this kind of logic, watching silence of the lambs or that one episode of it's always sunny would make a lot of people cannibals. that's just not how art works- it reflects real life, it does not perpetuate the issue. if you disagree, you have bigger things to worry about than a popular ship from a 20-teens young adult television program.

another point anti-stereks like to bring up is they don't believe the sterek fandom was queerbaited.

please see this video and tell me this isn't queerbaiting? this isn't even the worst part of it. when the show was gaining traction, nearly every cast and crew member was on board and used sterek for marketing the show online. no, it wasn't in their official marketing campaigns, but we all know about parasocial relationships at this point and the power they have on a willing audience. this is actually a really great unbiased take on sterek that includes said receipts and it's a very enthralling video, especially on double speed.

another anti-sterek point i see is: i just don't *get* it. y'all are literally feasting on breadcrumbs.

and to that i say: and? let people ship who they wanna ship. is it really hurting anyone? like, an actual human being? no. (also, i disagree with you, because from our side we're feasting at the last fucking dinner mate lol)

in any case, just because you don't agree with something doesn't mean it should be censored. the great thing about the internet is YOU decide what you want to see. it is your responsibility to filter tags or click the X button when you don't like what you see, and it costs nothing, i mean absolutely nothing, to just... not say anything.

[vampiric-succulent]

OUAW EP 46:

Spoilers y’all! Also this one is REALLY long. And. Uh. Yeah.

Oh shit the Jabberwock figure!!! Is this the sword that the Campestri were talking about?

Blue vs red roses…….

Given that this is possibly the Palace/Kingdom of Heart’s Desire, maybe the blue represents the allies of Zybilna and the red represents the hags (or maybe opposite bc the temple seems to be of the hags—-idk)

Is the Jabberwock hag-aligned? Or is it kinda doing it’s own thing

TORBEK AND THE HOSES

Gricko and Frost go trick or treating w hootsie!!!

FROST GLASSES MOMENT LETS GO

“Gideon chooses not to read. Torbek can’t read. We are not the same.”

Love that Gricko gaslit Gideon into pulling the sword out of the stone and he didn’t even have to try to get him to do it

Also love how Nikkie’s immediate idea is “let’s rip the page out of the expensive book”

“Gideon’s trying to vandalize private property” “That has NEVER been a problem for you before” “…We’ll talk about this afterwards.”

Oooh cool sword

Guys what do you think “galumphing” is—- there we go

“I don’t know if we count— we’re friends!” “They’ve seen you masturbate many times.” OH

At the jabberwock fighting arena. Straight up “galumphing” it. And by it. Well. Let’s juts say. My blade

Ohh wait maybe the roses thing is who can get to the Jabberwock first

JABBERWOCK DEEZ NUTS AND GRICKO IS CRYING

IT. ITS GALUMPHING. WOW

He can’t galumph 😭😭

“WELL GET UP HERE AND HELP ME GALUMPH!!!” I AM GOING TO CHOKE

How many nat20s can Mace get

Oh shit!!! I think the blue petals was right!! It was an accident but still right

Love Gricko’s parental moments w Hootsie. I live for that

Oh it’s just some kid’s room

SHE HAS THE KREMY KNIGHT ATOP GID’S STEED AND THE GID KNIGHT ATOP KREMY’S

What if this girl is like Fate? Like she’s controlling the story as she plays with her toys

If she is fate and those two steeds are switched then I will be very happy

Hey leave Derek alone yes the connection is laid out but it’s a lot of info chill

OHHHHH FUCK THE LITTLE PRINCE!!!!!!!!!!!! YEP OKAY SO SHES PLAYING THE STORY AS IT GOES—- so who’s Grandmother??? Can’t be Zybilna as she’s asleep and locked away, id be so shocked if it was something like Baba Yaga

BUHBUHBUH WHAT IF THE CHILD IS ZYBILNA OMGOMGOMGOMGOMFOMG

Grandmother brought her into the tower because she says it’s not safe. The child doesn’t know what’s outside the tower. The child says it’s not wise to say her name and that Grandmother says she is very powerful “even for her age.” Zybilna is stuck in time— I thought that meant she was trapped in slowed time but maybe she’s trapped in eternal childhood? That makes so much sense. Oh my god.

I’m convinced this child is Zybilna

THERES A SNAKE IN TORBEK’S BOOT. Very sad that Andy isn’t going the Toy Story route tho.

GRICKO IS A CLOWN. GRICKO IS A CLOWN. MIKEY IS BACK IN HIS ELEMENT. CHUCKLES RETURNS.

Why does Zybilna like the Jabberwock? Or whatever it was before? What was it before?? WHO IS THE PRINCE ACTUALLY??? And why can they not work without each other if the party is here now???

I am also scared rn. What if they never turn back.

DEREK BEING A MIME IS SO PERFECT

Loving Derek’s mimings

YES RICH IS GOING THE TOY STORY ROUTE

BRETT IS BACK

“Do you have your Mojo Dojo Casa House?” “Well let’s find out— can you open your ass?”

Ohh is the Prince the King of Hearts??? That would make sense

HER TWIG PUPPET??? And the roses are bad????

NOT THE ELABORATION ON THE POTATO TOY ASS STORAGE

“There ain’t no eyeballs in this ass!”

“You cannot see that boy anymore, T— I mean, Morgana” WHAT IS THE NAME YOU WERE GOING TO SAY??? If it’s Titania then I’m so wrong about everything

WHAT IF THIS CHILD IS THE BABY SISTER OF THE HAGS?????? Didn’t they say that the baby’s name is Tasha or something?? So why is she aligned with the Prince and, presumably, Zybilna??? DOES THIS MEAN THE GRANDMOTHER IS THE ENTITY IN THE HUT?????????????????????

Yup. Yup yup yup. So she’s not necessarily with Zybilna, just anti-Jabberwock for some reason. Why????

Well this is giving me some ideas

“Twig belongs to herself. Get rekt.”

“If anything happens to Twig, you will all pay the price.” Uh oh. Something’s gonna happen to Twig again.

OH THEYRE IN AN HOURGLASS. HOLY FUCK

also what if Zybilna and the fourth sister are the same? I think that might be not possible given timelines but still

HOLY FUCK IS THIS BABA YAGA????? (I’m very latched into this Baba Yaga thing but I think it’s right unless there’s someone else who fits the Time narrative better)

THE JABBERWOCK IS HERE

Mace save your 20s!!!!!

Shit man I gotta go to sleep

OH FUCK FROST DOWN

This is gonna be a TPK unless y’all run NOW

Gideon please use your fancy dagger

YUP CALLED IT IT WANTS THE KING OF HEARTS’ CHESS PIECES

GUYS PLEASE CONSIDER MULTICLASSING INTO CLERICS AND OR PALADINS AND OR ANYTHING ELSE THAT CAN HEAL

Frost is being iconic rn

ARENT JABBERWOCKS A DRAGON LIKE FEY CREATURE???!??!!???!

Okay so Gideon is dead! Great!! Nikkie what’s your rule on taking damage beyond your death points??

THIS THING DOES SO MUCH HOLY FUCK

You guys are not defeating this thing I’m so sorry

FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Oh my god. Gideon is dead. Like actually dead. Kremy is down. And Gricko told Hootsie to run. I’m sure he’ll catch up soon. Surely.

Nikkie what the fuck??!?!?! Why would you dread that???? Genuinely this thing is too much for these guys what the fuck is your plan

Oh my god Kremy is going to die

What possibly could they have done to get out of this????? The thing has tracking abilities they were fucked either way—- the only possible way to get out of this thing would be to get rid of the chess pieces quickly but NIKKIE KEPT DREADING THE GODDAMN INT AND PERCEPTION CHECKS

FUCK KREMY IS DEAD. KREMY AND GIDEON ARE DEAD.

They’re not. They’re not getting out of this. They’re all dead.

There’s gotta be a reason Nikkie is going so viciously at this. There’s gotta be some sort of catch or save. Please let there be some sort of save. Please. Please. This has gotta be some sort of nightmare. Please let this just be a nightmare. Please. Please. Please.

Fuck this is literally Frost’s nightmare. This is exactly the situation he saw in the Tunnel of Terror. All his friends are dying and there’s nothing he can do about it. Also that is my nightmare specifically

NOT HOOTISE. COME ON NIKKIE. NOT HOOTSIE.

This has to be a nightmare! Or some sort of dread vision!!!! They’re all gonna wake up at the end of the session and be fine!!!!!!!!

There’s no way that the Jabberwock just comes out and ends then. I know it’s totally powerful enough to do that but there’s so much story left.

Okay. Okay no. No one woke up. There was no dream. No nightmare. No thankful awakening. They’re dead.

I’m still going to hold out hope.

[lavenderlegends]

say, don't go

ship: stiles/derek prompt: memories characters: lydia, jackson, scott, isaac, boyd, erica, allison, kira, malia, danny cw: n/a tags: light angst, fluff, stiles leaves the pack, christmas word count: 2.5k ao3 ♞♚♞♚

Stiles stares out the window of the train. He fidgets with the receipt for his ticket in his hands. Crumpling, uncrumpling, ripping tiny pieces, and eventually, shoving it into his backpack's side pocket. He swallows, but there's a lump in his throat, and he doesn't know if he can breathe anymore.

He stands up under the guise of stretching his legs, and then sits down again. Squirms. He should've taken his ADHD and anti-anxiety meds, but he was so nervous about today that it slipped his mind completely.

"Excuse me," a voice comes from beside him. Stiles looks at the young girl in the seat next to him. She eyes his bouncing knee. "Do you mind not doing that? You're making me nervous."

"Sorry," he mumbles. He tries his best to stop, but it starts up again. He gives her an apologetic look and then looks back out the window.

It's mostly trees, and he wishes that it was more distracting.

They slow down to the next stop, and the girl beside him takes someone else's seat.

Stiles inhales sharply. Just outside his window, a perfect Christmas tree. He can't help himself. He's transported back, back to before he left Beacon Hills.

♞♚♞♚

"What do you think you're doing?" Lydia asks, laughing. She wraps her fingers around his wrist and tries to pull him in another direction. "C'mon, I have a gut-feeling the perfect Christmas tree is this way."

"No," Stiles says, shaking his head. He comes to a stop. "It's right there. Look at it. It's perfect."

"Perfect?" Lydia echoes. She stares at the tree before Stiles. "Actually... it just might be. Okay, I'll tell Jackson we want this one."

"Okay." Stiles lets her go and circles the tree to ensure that it really is perfect. He beams when Lydia shows up with Jackson. "This is the one."

Jackson inspects it before nodding. "Yep. It is. Stiles, bring the car around front?"

"Sure."

He makes his way through the tree farm and jingles Jackson's keys in his hand. It's going to be brilliant. Derek will never see it coming.

About a half hour later, they arrive at the Hale House. It's a little cold, a little empty. But it's big, beautiful, and ready to be loved again.

"Alright, I'll ask Scott to help me with the tree," Jackson says, giving Stiles a clap on the shoulder. "You go make sure everything else is in place."

"Bless," Stiles mutters as he jogs into the house. He's instantly hit with the aromas of food. Really, really good food. "God, it smells good."

"Doesn't it?" Scott asks, appearing in the living room archway. "Does Jackson need help with the tree?"

"Yeah."

"On it." Scott pauses before slipping out the front door. "This is really something that you're doing for him."

"It's nothing," Stiles says, unsure how to handle the sweet moment.

"It's something," Scott reassures him before leaving.

Stiles makes his way down the hallway to the kitchen. He grins. Erica and Boyd are blaring Christmas songs and laughing with each other.

Boyd catches sight of Stiles and nods silently, and Erica spins around. She's beaming. "Stilinski, reporting for duty."

He laughs. "How's it going, Reyes?"

"Great. The turkey is in the oven. The mashed potatoes are mashed. The beans are dressed. The--"

Boyd puts his arms around Erica's waist and she stops short to kiss his cheek.

"Everything is going to plan," Boyd says, grinning. "Kira and Allison will take over with the cookies soon."

Stiles grins back. "Speaking of... where are they?"

"Family room," Erica and Boyd answer in unison.

"Perfect." Stiles blows them kisses and they go back to work. He swings around into the family room where Danny is bent before the new electric fireplace. "Danny, my boy, how's it going?"

"Great," Danny answers, flicking a button. The electric fireplace roars to life.

"Amazing." He glances around. Kira, Allison, and Malia are giggling in the corner. "What's going on?"

Kira spins around first, her face red. "Nothing. Nothing. We were just..."

"We can't find this ugly doll's clothes," Malia answers, showing him a hideous doll.

"Uh..."

"It was Cora's," Allison explains. "She left explicit instructions that it was to make an appearance at the party."

"But it's naked," Kira adds, before she starts laughing nervously.

"Cora would hide all the clothes," Stiles says, shaking his head. "Maybe check with Laura where she might have put them before she left for New York?"

"On it!" Malia says, setting the doll back down.

"The decorations look amazing," Stiles murmurs, as he really allows himself to take in the room.

"Honestly, Derek had a lot of really great stuff in the shed," Allison tells him. "And anything we didn't find, Scott went out and bought."

"Nice." Stiles swings his thumb over his shoulder. "I think Erica and Boyd are cleaning up the kitchen for the cookies."

"Ooh, yay!" Kira says, grabbing Allison's hand. They rush past him.

Malia says, "Laura has an idea. Apparently, Cora has a secret back to her closet. I'll go check."

Stiles nods.

"Where do you want the tree?" Jackson's deep voice comes suddenly.

"And please answer fast, it's heavy!" Scott chimes in.

Stiles laughs. "That corner, please."

"I'll go get the decorations," Danny calls out.

Stiles helps Jackson and Scott set up the tree. Jackson and Scott chat about nothing of importance, so Stiles zones out and makes sure that every branch is placed perfectly.

Danny and Scott decorate the tree, and Stiles would be worried, but they know how important this is. They hang everything with extra care, and ask Stiles for direction multiple times.

♞♚♞♚

An hour later, everything is in place.

"Where's Isaac and Derek?" Stiles mutters, looking at the time on his phone.

"Coming up the drive right now," Jackson announces from the window.

"Places, people!" Lydia calls out. She turns to Stiles and says, "You ready for your big surprise?"

"Not in the slightest," Stiles mutters.

He moves towards the front door, and takes a deep breath. He had given the pack strict instructions to leave the front foyer the same. It's all part of the surprise.

It feels like forever until the front door swings open. Derek steps in, Isaac following close behind. Derek frowns.

"Stilinski, what are you up to?"

Stiles laughs. "Nothing. We just borrowed your kitchen to make cookies. That's all."

"Oh." Derek shrugs off his jacket and hangs it up. "Fine, but can you ask permission next time? You forget how potent the cookie scent is when Allison and Kira bake. They use so much sugar. It's sickenly sweet."

That's what I'm counting on, Stiles thinks. He grins. "Sure. Want to join us for a game in the family room?"

Derek glances at Isaac, who shrugs innocently. "...sure."

Stiles can't wait.

It's his best present ever.

He trails behind Derek and Isaac and despite expecting it, startles when everyone shouts "Surprise!"

"What--" Derek stammers. "What is this?"

"Merry Christmas," Stiles whispers beside him.

Everyone comes out from their hiding spots, settling into various places in the family room, and Derek turns to Stiles. "You did this?"

"Yeah. Couldn't have you celebrating Christmas all by yourself, now, could we?" Stiles asks, grinning.

"Oh my god," Derek mutters, looking over Stiles' shoulder. "Did Cora tell you about that doll?"

"Huh?" Stiles glances back and then says, "Yeah. Why?"

"It used to give me nightmares," Derek mutters. Stiles laughs, surprising himself. Derek takes a deep breath and says, "You know Cora and Laura are just in New York. It's not like they're... gone."

"I know." Stiles leans into Derek as Danny passes him. "We just wanted to do something for you. Make sure you knew that we'll always be a pack."

"I don't know what to say, Stiles. The place looks great." Derek glances around. "Thank you."

"Any time, bud."

Derek's face falls, and Stiles isn't sure what he did wrong. He takes a breath before adding, "Erica and Boyd made dinner."

"Amazing," Derek says, but it sounds different. Like he's not excited at all.

"Stiles, come settle an argument!" Jackson calls out.

"What makes you think I'm siding with you?" Stiles calls back. He pauses and says, "I'll be back."

"Sure," Derek says, as Kira comes bouncing up and wraps her arms around him.

Stiles walks over to settle an argument, and can't help but feel that saying goodbye to Derek is going to be harder than he expected.

♞♚♞♚

Now, it's a year later, and Stiles is on the train back to Beacon Hills. The train starts moving, snapping him out of the memory. He swallows. Telling Derek that night that he had been given a job offer in Vancouver had been hard.

Derek hadn't yelled. Hadn't even blamed him for leaving. He'd simply said, "That's why you did this. It's a goodbye party."

Stiles squirms, just thinking of it now.

And three hours later, he's getting off the train. He'd texted the almost defunct pack chat that he'd be getting home now. Scott assured him someone would be here to pick him up.

He just didn't expect it to be Derek.

"What--" Stiles starts and falters. He almost trips. "Derek?"

"Hey, Stilinski." It's said so flatly.

"Hi. I wasn't..."

"Expecting me?" Derek finishes for him when he trails off. "Yeah, well. Everyone else just conveniently happen to be busy."

"Can..."

"Let's go," Derek interrupts. He turns around and stalks off towards the parking lot. Stiles scrambles to follow him.

It's not until they're in the safety of Derek's Corvette that he manages to catch his breath. Seeing Derek after all this time... it's so hard.

He keeps getting flashes of memories. Of how he'd been so excited for the job opportunity. How everyone encouraged him to go, follow his dreams, and that Derek would be fine. If Derek had only said, "Don't go." Stiles would've happily stayed in Beacon Hills.

But Derek hadn't said anything. In fact, Derek had ignored every text, every midnight call, every olive branch.

"Can we talk?" Stiles asks, as they pull out of the parking lot.

"How are you?"

"No. Like... talk. Talk about how you haven't said a damn word to me since last year and--"

"And how you said we'd always be a pack and then ran away?" Derek interrupts. "Sure, we can talk about that."

"Derek, please." Stiles hates pleading, but he misses his best friend. He's about to tell him as much when Derek snorts. Anger flares up in Stiles. "Why are you acting like me leaving was the end of the pack?"

"Because it was." Derek glances at Stiles and hesitates before pulling his gaze back to the road. "Did you not get the memo?"

"Clearly not! What are you talking about!" Stiles shouts, hating that he's raising his voice to Derek.

Derek sighs and then explains. "After you left, the pack sort of disbanded. Everyone just got busy with their own thing. Lydia and Jackson travelled. Danny sort of faded out completely. Erica and Boyd do their own thing. Scott and Allison are focused on their vet clinic. Kira and Malia moved out of town. Isaac... who the fuck knows where he is or what he's doing these days. Last I heard he got a job at an autobody shop."

Stiles blinks. "What... what are you talking about?"

"You were the glue," Derek mutters. "And when you left, it all fell apart. Didn't you notice that the pack group chat hasn't been used in over six months before you decided to waltz back in?"

"I--" Stiles starts, but Derek's on a roll.

"Didn't you think about us?" he asks. Then quieter, "Didn't you think about me?"

"Of course, I did!" Stiles argues. "That's why I threw that huge Christmas party at your place! So, you'd know you'd never be alone."

Derek snorts. "Look at how well that turned out."

"Derek, I'm sorry, but..." Stiles frowns and rubs his face. "I didn't know. I had no idea. If I could go back in time, I would! I wouldn't go to Vancouver. I would stay right here."

"Would you?"

He's had a lot of time to think about this and nods. "Yeah. Yeah. I would. And you wanna know why?"

"Why?" Derek snaps.

"I miss you."

Derek's eyes are glued to the road, and Stiles wonders what he's thinking. There used to be a time when he'd just know. When they were in sync.

But the truth is out there now, so he might as well keep talking. "I miss you, you idiot. I miss how you'd show up at my bedroom window at the strangest hours, and sometimes, you had updates on situations, and sometimes... you just wanted some company. I miss how you always, always control the music in the car even though that is totally a passenger's responsibility."

Derek's lips twitch. Slightly. But it's enough for him to keep going.

"I miss the way you kept me on my toes. I never knew if you'd finally admit how you felt about me, or if I was making all the signs up in my head. I miss the way I would silently beg you to kiss me, and you'd be too busy laughing to notice. I miss the way you hug and smell and I miss the way you loved me."

Stiles lets out a deep breath.

Derek doesn't look at him, but simply pulls up in front of Stiles' dad's house.

"I never meant to hurt you, Derek." He swallows hard. "I just... I was going mad with confusion. I took the job because I thought maybe I'd take some space and sort out my thoughts. But I'm not over it. I don't think I'm ever going to be over you."

"Would you shut up?" Derek asks, but his voice is soft and there's no anger in it. "I'm processing."

Stiles nods, because he knows Derek needs time to sort out his thoughts. After all, it's a lot of information to receive at once.

But he starts to fidget. And his knee starts bouncing. And he can't contain himself much longer.

"I... I didn't know that you felt the same way," Derek finally says.

Stiles' lips part but he closes them. It's Derek's turn now.

"I'm an idiot. I'm sorry."

"You know, if you had told me to stay, I would've." Stiles rubs his hands together. "I loved you."

"Loved?"

"Love," Stiles corrects. "I loved you then, and I love you now."

"And tomorrow?" Derek asks, softly.

"And tomorrow, I'll love you."

Derek's lips twitch into a smile and that's all Stiles ever needed to see. He doesn't hesitate this time. Doesn't worry that he's making a huge mistake. Because he knows. Deep down, he knows that it was always meant to be him and Derek.

They're kissing and it's glorious and beautiful and hot and sexy and all the treasures at once.

"I love you too," Derek murmurs. "Quit your job. Move back. Come home."

"Boy, do I have good news for you," Stiles whispers, laughing. Derek tilts his head. "I quit my job two weeks ago."

Derek grins.

It's not everything they have to work through, Stiles knows, but for now, it's enough.

"We have a pack to get back together!" Stiles announces.

"Tomorrow," Derek says, before pulling him into another kiss.

♞♚♞♚

[goatbeard-goatbeard]

This probably seems like a minor detail, but I really appreciate that they had Frances McDormand, NOT Derek Jacobi, deliver the monologue to Job. Making it totally unambiguous that God is doing this, that it’s not some underling gone rogue.

As An Ex-Evangelical™️, one of the most common, most annoying ideas I run into re: Christianity is “oh Christianity is such a good philosophy! 😊 People are just interpreting it wrong! 😊 They’re corrupting Jesus’ true teachings! 😊”

To borrow a concept from UI design, if a lot of your users are “doing it wrong”, it’s actually the design that’s wrong (see also: the Purpose Of a System Is What It Does).

Yes, you’ve written the word “push” on the door, but you gave it a vertical handle — something that’s more naturally shaped for a pulling hand than a pushing hip. Of course people will grab the handle and pull. Yes, you’ve carefully marked safe crosswalks, but they’re so far apart that they’d double the walking distance. Of course people will take their chances with jaywalking, and sometimes get hit.

Yes, you’ve told people to be generous, but you’ve also told them “the poor you will always have”. Of course they’ll assume that anti-poverty legislation will fail, and vote against it. Yes, you’ve told people to be stewards of the earth, but you’ve also told them that God will end the world. Of course they’ll be skeptical of human-caused climate change. Yes, you’ve told people to love their neighbors, but you’ve also told them that anyone who doesn’t repent gets tortured forever. Of course they’re going to try to turn as many people away from hell as possible, even if that requires “tough love” in the here and now.

So for Good Omens to say, no, God is 100% involved in the story of Job, this has nothing to do with the Metatron. I love it. This isn’t a case of “things would be so much better if only people didn’t corrupt God’s true intentions! 😊”

Nah. She’s just Like That.

(also the biblically accurate/“wrestling with God” reading is just… way more fun than the boring, sanded-off Christian version where Everything Happens For A Reason. Let God be weird and petty and chaotic! Let God rant about the whales!)

[idontknow-1213]

Reddit struggles to get their posts to anything above like 200 upvotes. That is a very small faction of the fandom. I’d hardly use that to win your argument. That’s why i keep bringing up twitter and tiktok, hell even tumblr. Where destiel trends on the daily.

That’s just the extent of it. You can’t argue facts. No one cares about anything other than Destiel on a large scale regarding the show now that it’s over. Destiel is the only thing that holds any relevance.

Anyways. I just send you anons because i like to, seeing that you’re a blog who runs an anti-account that can’t even get a note on a post. Whereas i can get thousands of likes and comments on a destiel post wherever i go. It’s fun on my side, lots of interaction and people to talk to. Celebrities who ship it. Rob and Rich talking about it on their podcast. Oof. I’m living the high life.

Also, Jared just said this last con that there’s no confirmed role on the boys yet, just that he wants to be in it. And he’ll never be as big as Soldier Boy, which is gonna be really embarrassing for him, because everyone is gonna see how bad an actor he is compared to Jensen. Huffing and puffing his way to that cbs role while Jensen continues to become an a-lister lol.

Look anon, I understood yesterday that you love me, but I'm sorry I don't date through social. 😞

Maybe in another moment of our lives destiny will bring us together....

But I'm sorry... Jensen an A-lister actor? Jack Nicholson, Marlon Brando, Clint Eastwood, Al Pacino, Robert De Niro... these are true A-lister actors... Jared and Jensen are at best C-lister. And also Jared was Dean in Girlmore Girls that's why he is popular outside the world of SPN.

I have 10 friends of my age who watch or have watched SPN, you know how many of them have tumblr or ships Destiel? Zero, they don't even know the ship, I think you forget that we are 8 billion in this world.

Well Jared is constantly huffing and puffing while Jensen is always talking with his Batman Voice and doing the model face. Sometimes he really looks like Derek Zoolander.

Are you really a fan of Jensen? I don't understand why you still insist with Destiel. You can like the non-canon ship but why are you trying to force it. You are saying the OG Wonder Woman ships it, Rich and Rob (I don't know why you care about the extras), while Jensen said that is never going to be true. It's like a person likes you but you hate them, and all you friend are insisting that you hang out with them even if you don't like it.

Rob and Rich do this because they are unemployed and need some fans for the podcast because is not doing well. It's all marketing, and you are not capable of see it.

Try to get out of the destiel bubble and apply what is happening, simplifying, to yourself.

With love to my first and best fan 😘

[princeescaluswords]

Self-Reflection

Of all the slanders delivered against Scott McCall -- and trust me, if there is a bottom to the barrel that holds them I haven't found it yet -- the ones that drive me to distraction the most are the ones that are so easy to disprove. For example, I recently encountered a story where the author argued that Scott was a "good friend but secretly a bad friend" because he is judgemental about other people's morals, ethics, and actions while never examining his own.

I know, I know, that what they mean is that they see Scott working against Derek or ignoring Stiles because Derek's and Stiles's solution to every problem is to 'kill it before it kills you' as him being judgmental while sometimes making bad decisions himself. You see, white male characters with trauma are to be forgiven if they lie to others, be cruel to others, or hurt others, but a Hero of Color loses the right to criticize those behaviors if they make any mistake ... ever.

But, even so, the idea that Scott didn't think about the consequences of his acts is ridiculous, as much as believing he always thought he was right. I can point out at least one scene every season where Scott reflects upon the morality of his actions. I'll give examples, with the understanding that this isn't even exhaustive.

Season 1: It would absolutely have been easier for Scott to let the Argents use Derek to kill Peter, even though Derek would have died as well. He also consider the actions of the entire season.

Scott: Yeah, but that was - I mean - Would you just stop? Please? What happened the other night, Stiles' dad getting hurt, that was my fault. I should have been there to do something. I need you to teach me how to control this.

Season 2: Scott won't give in to Gerard's blackmail even though his own mother tells him to. (Notice how all anti-Scott people miss this scene.)

Melissa: Oh, I don't know what's happening. I don't know what that thing was or even what you are, but whatever he wants, just give it to him. Scott: Mom, it's not that easy. Melissa: Do what he wants. Just give him what he wants. Scott: I don't know if I can.

Season 3A: Scott is so consumed with guilt over Derek's apparent death that he nearly allows himself to die and realizes he's not always right.

Allison: You know, if he's really dead, it's not your fault. Scott: Maybe. But remember that whole thing that we talked about where I wasn't accusing you of being there, and if you were there you shouldn't be? Thanks for not listening.

Season 3B: Scott has to confront the reality that he lead Allison to her death.

Scott: It happened so fast. Argent: That's right. Say it again. Scott! Say it again. Scott: How are you doing this? Argent: It's what we do. It's what we do

Season 4: Scott, in the middle of allowing himself to be bait for the Benefactor, struggles with the possibility that he'll need to kill.

Scott: I can't do that. I can't kill them. Liam: Someone has to. Scott: Why me? Liam: Because you're the Alpha. Scott: I'm not a murderer. Liam: But you are a predator. Scott: No. We're predators... But we don't have to... We don't have to...

Season 5A: After being betrayed by his pack, Scott wonders if he even has the right to be the leader anymore.

Scott: But this time, I lost everyone. Melissa: You'll get them back. You have to. Scott: Why would they come back? Melissa: Because you're their leader.

Season 5B: Scott rejects the idea that he has a "Code Against Killing."

Scott: Deucalion? You shouldn't trust him. Theo: And you're the one who let him live. Scott: I'm not a murderer. Theo: You still think you're gonna get through all this without killing anyone? Scott: I didn't say that.

Season 6A: Scott accepts that Liam has the right to mistakes.

Liam: This might be a mistake. But you don't know that yet. And you made mistakes when you were learning to be an Alpha. Scott: Yeah, I made a lot. But we don't have time for mistakes. I can't lose Stiles. Liam: So we should try anything we can to save him. Right? Even Theo. Scott: Convince me.

Season 6B: Scott changes his tactics when he realizes that he is not going to be able to find a peaceful solution.

Malia: Hey. What do we do? Scott: No more peace summits. No more running. No more half measures. Malia: What's the plan? Scott: We fight back.

But fandom clings to the idea (proposed by that most reliable of sources, Peter Hale) that Scott sees the world in black and white, so if he does things wrong or chooses a questionable path, he must see it as absolutely correct, even though he never ever said that ! It's amazing to me how they're able to agree with the moral evaluations of a serial killer, yet can't extend an infinitesimal fraction of agreement with someone who had every right to act ten times worse than he did.

Because that's true. There's a reason they can excuse Stiles plotting Derek's death and Derek sending children to kill an innocent girl as being due to stress and trauma, but find it impossible to recognize that Scott is making decisions under the same duress.

BUT IT'S NOT RACISM.

[reveseke]

Thought about a what if reader was insomniac and was found sleeping with Jack by Jessica?

PT. Thought about a what if reader was insomniac and was found sleeping with Jack by Jessica? PT end

Trope ... Mainly fluff

Feature ... Aaron Hotch Hotchner | Derek Morgan | Jessica (Hotch's SIL) | Jack Hotchner | Masc! Reader (he him)

CW ... Talks of insomnia | a fear of death/ not waking up anymore mentioned | also me swearing lol

Disc ... I'm not suffering from insomnia myself, i hope i didn't get something so fucking wrong lol. I know something off of insomnia, some little research I've done in past that stuck with me and I'm using some of my own sleeping problem experience on this but that's minor.

Edit ... I'm not actually sure her name was Veronica? For some reason I have a small itch it was lmao. Ok new edit, it was Jessica not Veronica and I'm editing it out lol

DNI - Fudanashis/fujodashis, women & fem-aligned, profic/proship, anti - LGBTQ+ folk & exclusionists, anti-antis, Necro- Zoo- Pedophiles + (NO)Maps(and other terms), basic DNI criteria, kink/nude/nsfw/sh/vent/pro-ana/ed/18+ blogs

So i got a thought of insomniac Reader who may as well stay awake for who knows how long being somewhat terrified of sleeping.

He may be plagued by nightmares of some kind, having a fear of not simply waking up anymore or possibly just too many thought that run rampant and he can't keep them still enough.

Just lying in bed with both the men as they either sleep or one or both are still awake and try to help him. But they have a little time window sometimes which means Reader may be alone most of the time and left with his own thought more than they'd like to let him.

Thinking how he'll greet them when they wake up to a case and come back just working as normally as he can manage both of them seeing how the lack of sleep is dripping off if the man.

I think both of them be dragging the poor man to bed one at a time if he starts wandering bc he's restless as fuck.

The one time they actually hear about him sleeping when on a case is when Jessica, Hotch's Sister-in-law (is it ex?-sister-in-law bc Hayley's dead? Idk may be), comes to pick up Jack.

The silence in the house was uncanny, it felt displaced as Jack wandered around the house he called home. It was usual for him to see one of his dad's wondering around mumbling to himself about something he never could catch as Aaron and Derek had left for another case.

The boy knew it wasn't exactly normal for him to be in a house of silence. Wandering to the master bedroom door, he slowly and lightly opened the door with a creek.

It didn't do anything to alert the man inside as all the boy heard were soft snores. Otherwise the room was completely silent, sun pouring in and dappling spots on the bed and the covers where he could see a imprint of a person splayed on the bed, spotting strands of (h/c) hair on the head that was slightly tucked under the covers.

The morning was silent as Jessica opened the door, looking around lightly and calling out to Jack and Reader. Nothing came of it as no answer was heard, wandering inside the house for a little bit she found the master bedroom's door ajar.

The view of seeing her nephew hugging a body of one of the lovers of Aaron was adorable, just laying besides him and making a shushing motion towards her as she called out Jack's name. The boy understood that R had difficulties sleeping and he didn't want him to wake up yet, it was unknown go R if that was the reason Jack staid with him or not. Just guarding, bc he had heard Jessica tell about a fly that the boy was trying to slap out of the air when it came too close at least once.

Except that yet turned into sleeping three days with R regretting everything. At least he could have been blessed with some pictures of the scene or a possible stuffed animal or two besides him bc Jack didn't want him to be alone when he woke up.

I really think the boys all of them would do something small for R to try to help him. Doing subtly things that would not irritate him if he was known to be really easy to be irritated when lacking a lot of sleep.

Jack would absolutely share his studies with him, saying they'd scare off the nightmares or thoughts if R had ever answered a question from the boy on why he was up. Not that R would take them, he'd give them back at the end of the day saying it's important that they're protecting Jack instead of him and stressing about it to the boy. But he does not hear it.

I think R would be doing things out of boredom at night when he's restless and doesn't feel comfortable cuddling with Aaron and Derek for the moment. Were it baking, maybe crocheting, crafting or doing something else if R is handy enough and there's something to fix he could do it, he would do it to pass time.

[hoodienanami]

Pauline Murray, lead singer of Penetration showing off her loyalty to the Sex Pistols with a God Save The Queen pin (picture by Derek Ridgers)

like many British kids in 1976, Pauline was inspired to form her own punk band after seeing the Sex Pistols preform. she was also inspired to start thinking more about politics because of the lyrics of the Sex Pistols' songs

Lyrically [Johnny Rotten] was speaking about things that you’d never heard before, saying ‘God save the queen, she ain’t a human being’ – you’d have been hung for heresy like a hundred years ago to put that sort of thing out into the public. Pretty Vacant, all of that, it just seemed to reflect what was going on at the time, people were very complacent. I’d never really heard, I mean I’d heard a lot of music up to that point, but I’d never really heard anybody spout those sorts of lyrics with that sort of anger, and the anger was like a driving force. So politically, up to that point, I hadn’t really thought that much about politics even though it ruled our lives. You know, you’re just a young person getting on with your life, but it made you aware, because it was so anti-establishment, it made you more aware of what the establishment actually was. It was very inspiring and eye-opening and empowering. Obviously, I’d never have been in a band had that not have happened. - Pauline Murray

Pauline's sense of empowerment extended to her gender as well. she's one of the many people to point out that the punk movement in England was one of the first attempts in music history to put women on equal footing with men

I was a member of the band, I was doing my own thing, writing my own lyrics and women didn’t really do that prior to that. Yes, you’ve got your Joni Mitchells and all that, but in the mid-70s women were just backup singers and had to look pretty. With the punk thing it was the opposite, you didn’t want to look pretty, well personally – I mean you’ve got people like Debbie Harry who looked very pretty anyway – but from our point of view you wanted to dress down in a way. You didn’t want to look pretty, you didn’t want to be seen as a sex symbol, you wanted to be seen for what you were actually doing – for the music and what it actually was. [...] If women wanted to take out a loan, single women, they had to get their father’s signature, and that’s 1975, that sort of tells you where women were at at that point in time. I mean it was starting to change but, as I say, people like The Slits and what have you, they weren’t pandering to being sex symbols, let’s put it that way. They were more interested in expressing themselves and they were part of the punk movement. I think the men involved in the bands were… I was going to say fairly protective of the women, but I think you were actually there just doing your thing and having to look after yourself, in reality. - Pauline Murray

[buckybarnesss]

As a Teen Wolf Scholar, can you provide context as to why that Tyler Posey "bizarre and twisted" quote keeps getting pulled out almost a decade later as a reason to hate on him? Was it the first time someone involved with the show didn't continue to string along the Sterek fandom about it one day becoming canon? Did people take it very personally that he said we were watching the show for the wrong reasons? Or did people actually misinterpret it as him commenting on the idea of the relationship being twisted and not on the weird fact that the Sterek online fandom was overwhelmingly more vocal and visible than the general Teen Wolf fandom?

Every time I go back and watch that youtube interview, I can't read it as anything other than a slightly dumb but valid commentary on the fandom phenomenon but that's never the context people seem to refer back to it with.

so i've been sitting on this ask for a while and as with many things with teen wolf it's complicated and i'm probably way more diplomatic about it than others in fandom.

i just discovered there is a fanlore page about this called poseygate.

i don't particularly like to rehash this kind of fandom history. i am a firm believer in the fourth wall and that there should be boundaries between creator and fandom. teen wolf was popular around the time that began to erode due to the rise of social media.

it can be fun when an actor or creator engages their fandom and supports someone's ship but not every actor is misha collins. he is an outlier and even he fucks up.

dylan o'brien and hoechlin have always been rather diplomatic and positive in their responses to sterek as far as i know. hoechlin in particular adores stiles, derek's relationship with him and continues to radiate heart eyes when speaking about dylan.

i bear no ill will towards posey and i think he has a very complicated relationship with not just fandom but the show itself but i am not here to armchair psychoanalyze a person i've never met.

i can understand posey feeling a particular kind of way of being the lead on a show where fandom constantly pushes you out in favor of two white men they wanna see fuck. i can understand him being kind of weirded out by the age gap too. i am perfectly fine if people don't like sterek because of it but i don't like when people project that on others.

we have to remember dylan and hoechlin are his friends. they are real people with their own lives so it has to be weird as fuck to be constantly asked about the shipping of their characters.

that said was it a nice or respectful thing to say? no it wasn't. did he ever really apologize for it? also no. was it taken personally by people in fandom? yes. how could it not be? it's a thoughtlessly hurtful thing to say over something as inconsequential as shipping.

sterek once it became popular and dominated fandom received it's fair share of hate and derision. fandom is not known for it's chill, you know. people have said some really nasty things about posey and scott over the years.

the antis like to use it as a gotcha though to sterek shippers which is dumb. tyler posey finding sterek weird doesn't stop me from shipping it. like i don't care. it's nice when we do get validation and engagement from an actor or whatever but it's not needed.

besides in relation to teen wolf i'm way more interested in taking teen wolf creator, executive producer and man who doesn't know how time works jeff davis to task along side mtv for their queerbaiting and racism.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[necronatural]

Yaoi Essay: It was Ice Age Okay

My friend @tshirt3000 organized a friend zine where we talk about yaoi that was formative to us. It's a sizeable 80 pages, and you can read everyone's formative yaois in the digital copy here.

My essay was written in a single night and primarily primes you to pattern-seek so you can see my vision. My divine truth.

Before I speak, I need to prime you with the knowledge that you understand me. Even if you think you don’t, you actually do. So.

In seminal AO3 fandombait television program Teen Wolf (2011), the main point of fascination is Stiles Stilinski; a doe-eyed ADHD obsessive who chases his every thought with a frenetic intensity that often steals the scene he’s in.

Stiles being a fascinating little creature means that people want to ship him. I’d say he has three main people to do that with, and the big ship on campus was none of them. It was practically mandatory to ship him with Derek, the dark, brooding werewolf anti-hero.

I don’t think the suffocating pervasiveness of this ship is really that deep. Derek is a sexy paranormal tall dark and handsome boytoy. I’ve never seen the Vampire Diaries but I’m sure he wouldn’t be out of place in the cast. And hey, everybody is already obsessed with Stiles. I don’t think people actually care about the text of the show, just the pretty men they’re fixated on. The shit they made in their heads is so obviously just a gay version of every romance ever at the time.

But there is a secret recipe at play. Because in 2011, alongside Teen Wolf, a film was released. It was called Thor. You know, from the MCU? In Thor, the titular character’s treacherous baby brother (adopted) imprisons Thor on earth to steal his position. On Earth, Thor meets the love of his life, her father, and a zany bit character added for comedic relief. 

Now I love Loki an abnormal amount for someone who cares as little about the MCU as I do. I love pathetic men and pathetic villains. As an avid fanfiction reader, I spent a lot of time trawling AO3 for Loki content, realizing they don’t think he’s pathetic, and clicking away. And over the years, I began seeing a weird pattern. Loki/Darcy. The comic relief girl. Her quirky antics were somehow enough to warrant a ship in a fandom that only blows up mandatory Two White Guys couples. And Loki is clearly NOT a brooding paranormal romance boy, but the ship had that Sterek stink on it anyway. A lot of it.

It seemed so mysterious, yet I remember, now, that Sterek wasn’t just popular with paranormal romance swooners, but people who just like funny ships. A zany idiot tormenting that brooding villain. A genderless mass appeal. An Entrapta and Hordak. The raw impulse for Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint readers to pair Kim Dokja and Yoo Joonghyeok before they started developing any chemistry at all, simply by nature of the kinds of characters they are. 

Okay. Listen man. I need to talk to you about Ice Age.

If you’re unfamiliar, Ice Age is about a cynical mammoth named Manford taking a great southern migration as a chance to be alone. When he rescues criminally annoying sloth Sid, he’s forced to share his newfound alone time with him. He is not happy. Meanwhile, a pack of sabertooth tigers is on a vengeance quest against the humans who hunt them by eating their tribe leader’s baby. One of them, Diego, accidentally lets the human mother jump off a waterfall to escape, delivering the baby downriver to Manny and Sid. Diego presents himself as a tracker who can hunt the humans down, and the three of them decide to travel together to bring the baby back to the humans, one way or another.

I will be clear; the homoeroticism exists, and it exists between Manny and Sid. The chemistry exists, and it exists between Manny and Diego. Manny is the heart of the film. And I don’t care. Baby’s First Yaoi, the thing that really boiled my brain, was Diego’s extremely intimate threats to Sid’s life and Sid baiting him like a barking dog. I’m sorry.

The film never really stops insisting that Sid is genuinely annoying — it starts with his entire family leaving him behind and ends with him being kind of a fuckup too — but he’s key to the synergy regardless. There’s no great moment that announces ‘well maybe they weren’t seeing Sid’s true value!’ because he doesn’t have any. He’s a lazy, annoying, unempathetic, impulsive, smug little womanizer. He never learns. The film proposes that well, he doesn’t really have to— Manny is a deeply isolated person (mammoth?) who drives people away, and he needs someone who’s annoying and can’t understand boundaries to teach him to open up again. No matter how much he swats Sid back, Sid is confident in their friendship. Just like how no matter how many times Sid’s family abandoned him, he still went looking for them. They are lonely people, and Sid being an obnoxious little pissant forces them together.

On the other hand, I can’t imagine a film with just Manny and Diego. They get along well and have a great rapport, with Diego’s bad boy fun uncle attitude and Manny’s asshole with a heart of gold routine. But the thing is that they are two dudes who mind their own business. They are only casually uniting, and Diego is only doing it so his pack of evil sabertooths can eat the baby. The warmth of friendship doesn’t exist, and it has to bleed from Sid terrorizing them. They need their idiot to unite against. And since they don’t actually dislike Sid, it can only become camaraderie.

Diego is aware Manny is a smart guy and will take any threat extremely seriously, but he acts like himself from the beginning with Sid. After a while, it becomes clear Manny doesn’t care if he threatens Sid — because Sid is annoying, and he himself has threatened Sid plenty of times — but he also doesn’t intend to leave Sid alone where he can get hurt. Diego is 100% serious, but after a certain point he finds his own threats also becoming empty teasing. By the end of the movie, he’s openly endeared and friendly. He gives death threats like he gives a noogie. 

There is something so unreal, to be honest, about forcing a born killer to hold you in his teeth after he repeatedly threatened to kill you, and him holding you there against your will because he thinks it is so funny.

Diego’s heel-face turn is obviously inspired by Manny, but over the course of the film, it’s clear that he, too, was lonely, and he, too, benefits from an extremely annoying person filling his loner life. His pack is dog-eat-dog, ready to abandon him if he doesn’t do his job, but Manny is willing to die for him, and — this is key to my childhood brain — Sid trusts him unconditionally despite doing nothing to earn it. Sid would follow Diego all year if he suddenly abandoned him for migration. He is just that kind of person.

That’s the secret recipe. What made Sterek mandatory even for people who have no interest in paranormal romance hunks. Why Darcy was thrown at Loki. This underlying vein of True Yaoi, of a dynamic based less on actual relationship and more on the core of the kind of people they are, and the kind of synthesis that is possible between those two ingredients. The zany idiot and the villain have this chemical reaction you could see from space. TO ME!

You need a zany person to do a whole lot of impulsive shit, and you need that zany person to be stupid enough to not notice they’re unwanted, or in danger, or that their dynamic is shifting, or the subtext of anyone’s behaviour. You need the person tormented to be a genuine threat, and they need to not melt, but be worn down. The simple pleasures of having your day-to-day life filled with life and noise, your every interaction with the world commented on, to the point you allow yourself to be defanged.

Sid does this to Manny, sure but it didn’t click even with the gay jokes because Manny is a kind, caring Dad Friend kind of guy who would fold for anyone. Diego is a fucking baby-eating tiger. But he trusts Manny, and Manny is endeared and receptive to Sid’s constant noise because he is lonely, and because of that, Diego, who is also lonely, allows himself to be endeared too. He had Sid’s throat in his mouth, and all he thought was that it was a funny thing to do.

My friend Hyde tagged me in this post.

[ubi-goes-uwu]

The Mistreatment of Tom Levitt on SMASH

I know that literally no one cares about this, but I want to talk about it, so I will.

In the short-lived TV Show "SMASH" (2012), which I quite liked and strongly reccomend -- as long as you don't watch season 2 --, there is something that really, really bothered me, and I haven't seen it adressed on the internet. Mainly, perhaps, because the show is 11 years old, and because it had a very niche audience.

But here it is: The show treats the character of Tom Levitt terribly.

I will now explain.

Romantic relationships take up a sizeable part of the screentime of "SMASH". it was a drama series in 2012, after all. We get long scenes exploring the romantic relationships of the two leads, Ivy and Karen. But that's a given. And, you say, Tom isn't a lead. And while that is technically correct, he is one of the main characters, seeing as the show structures itself around an ensemble rather than one or two leads.

Furthermore, the relationships of every other member of the main ensemble are treated with importance by the show, given time and thought.

Julia, for example, is Tom's writing partner, and they are equally important to the plot (they are at more or less on the same level vis-a-vis their primary/secondary-ness to the show). And her marriage is a big part of the show. Her husband and her son regularly appear, and she has an affair with an actor that takes up a significant amount of screentime. Not to mention that it brings us the most beautiful and emotional sex scene in the show. Also, her affair has a real impact on the plot of the show.

Eileen, a character who is arguably less prominent than Tom, has an important relationship with her ex-husband who used to produce musicals with her, and a passionate relationship with a younger man that ends up financing the production of Bombshell.

Now, the way that the show treats Derek's blatant abuse of authority is incredibly problematic. The show attempts to adress this in some way in season 2, but no one treats it seriously enough. But, I will say, even he gets to explore different relationships.

Now, Tom has a few relationships throughout the show. The first one with John, a lawyer introduced to him by his mother, the second one with Sam, one of the members of the ensemble of Bombshell, and Kyle, an up and coming writer in the field of musical theater.

There are many things that I didn't like about the way that Tom's relationships were approached. Mainly, they weren't given nearly as much screentime as the other ones on the show.

With Jonh,

Almost every single time they're out on a date, Tom gets a call from one of the other main characters and he has to go solve some problem or another;

Them not having slept together is brought up by John, and it's introduced as a plotpoint, but the the first time they sleep together is off-screen (we're not even shown, like, the lead-up to it), and the show informs us, for seemingly no reason, that it was really bad. They keep dating, but it's weirdly never brought up again;

Other problems in their relationship are introduced but never explored. Not only did they have unsatisfying sex, but John is a Republican while Tom is very clearly anti-Republican, and Tom is always prioritizing the other people in his life (the characters themselves speak on those at some point, but these plotlines are just dropped);

Their break-up is very underwhelming. They've been dating for most of the season, and they have one (1) fight while Tom is like, eating cereal, and then we never see from John again. Tom isn't even really upset.

John is never a priority for Tom. It could be a part of his character, but it feels like the show just doesn't care enough to explore Tom's relationships just for the sake of Tom himself. It acts flippantly about it and doesn't give it importance. Even if Tom doesn't really prioritize John in his life, the show could explore that, but, and here is the bigger issue, Tom is just never allowed to have a meaningful storyline outside of his platonic relationships with the rest of the main ensemble.

With Sam,

The fist time they go out, Tom kisses Sam and he basically slut-shames Tom, making him feel that it's his fault that he's alone even though he's 37 because of his *gay stereotype alert* commitment issues that "obviously" show in the fact that he's "easy";

They're rarely shown alone, and we don't ever see them "finally" having sex, even though they're together for a sizeable chunk of the show;

They have a nice relationship, Tom meets Sam's family, and it seems like they're in love, but Sam breaks up with Tom FULLY OFF SCREEN (like, we knew that he was going on tour for the Book of Mormon, but there's no goodbye at all).

It's strange that Sam is so slut-shamey with Tom when a big plotpoint between John and Tom was that Tom didn't want to have sex with him for an "unusual" amount of time (enough for John to ask him why they hadn't had sex), and it seems like this relationship was just used to shame gay men who enjoy a more bohemian style of life -- it's taking a swing at the gay stereotype of the high-maintenance libido man who has sex with every other man he comes across. Mostly because they don't even try to adress his commitment issues after this (at all! this conversation is literally never brought up again).

With Kyle,

Full disclosure: I couldn't get through season 2. It's really bad. But correct me if I'm wrong, but on episode 14 Kyle f*cking dies and the entirety of Tom and Kyle's relationship is one flashback that's less than 5 minutes in length. And why did they choose to include this secret fling? Tom is barely affected by Kyle's death. And Tom is, like, TWENTY years older than Kyle. Why do this?

The only good thing to come out of this is the audio of Billy Joel's Vienna sung beautifully by Christian Borle (Tom).

This relationship is not only all sorts of problematic, but it's also so short. And the only romantic relationship of Tom's on season 2. It hurts to see that we weren't allowed to see any of it (it had literally no screentime), and that even though the only scene we get to see of it is romantic and cute, Tom is basically unnafected.

This problem extends beyond Tom's romantic relationships.

Tom is basically not allowed to have independence.

His relationships don't matter as much as the other characters'. The only meaningful relationship he is allowed to have is with Julia. They have a really nice friendship. It even seems like he might evolve to have a good relationship with Derek after their big fight where we find out about their backstory (or at least one that's worth exploring), but that doesn't happen.

There are many things that are "almost there" about Tom. They bring up aspects of his character or his life that could be worth exploring, but they're never given any time or care, and the show just sort of forgets about them (his literal character is re-shapeable so that he can serve any purpose in the narrative).

Mostly, he exists on the show to support other characters. He is always sacrificing his own time in being there for Ivy 24/7. And while his relationship with Julia is very nice, he is heartbreakingly attached to their family (he has no family from what we see on the show) while they don't really value him in the same way.

He's always just so worried about everyone else's problems, and not really focused on himself, it's like he's a halfway developed "Gay Best Friend".

He just deserved better.

(This is mostly fueled by the fact that I love Christian Borle so much, and I would like to see him playing fleshed out characters in dramas. He's underrated. Yes, he is great in comedic roles, but he's got range, and he's really good in Smash and Falsettos when he plays more serious roles.)

Anyway, that's that. Tom Levitt had everything to be a good, fleshed out character. But the show didn't really care enough about him.

Also, I hate that SMASH had so may straight sex scenes but was completely unwilling to film two men doing anything other than chastely kissing or laying a foot away from each other in bed half-naked.

[derekcasey]

I made the mistake of looking at the comments of an old dasey video that I love and I'm angry at anti's again lmaooo

The fact that they get all up in arms about people wanting derek and casey to get together but don't see anything wrong with derek kissing Casey's cousin...

If they were really "brother and sister" as you say... why.. the FLYING FUCK are you okay with that lmaooo

Anyway they're not related and also they're in love. Xoxo

[yourtoradorasextendedwarranty]

Lack of Realization

Featured above you have 2 very prominent voices who used to be very much on the forefront of the Anti-SJW space. Now Heel in this clip raves like a lunatic. Probably partly annoyed but mostly probably playing it up a bit.

However what SBG and CRG have in common is the fact that they don't see the slow push. What do I mean by that? Well let's look back shall we.

In most games you could not chose your sex or anything else. You had and MC and you played as only that MC. Then when character creators came out, you could opt to be male or female. At some point it became "Transphobic" or "Sexist" to have "Male" and "Female" in games. SO NOW, we have "Body Type 1" and "Body Type 2" which serves the same exact purpose. So why change the language?

Now we have pronouns in games on top of "Body Type". Ok. So let me get this straight. You WANT to be the opposite sex as a trans person.....but when given the option, you want to ALSO make the character trans as well, rather than live out your dream with someone that LOOKS a lot like you but is the opposite sex? And there it is. There is the problem right there.

This has been a push over time to change games as we know it. What's more the game this is about, Star Field often actually misgenders your character which I think is hilarious. Not because I don't like trans people, but because it shows that it was ONLY put in as a virtue signal rather than something done out of principle. And it's really cheap as well. I don't want this crap in my games.

But Chris and Derek (some black guy) are so out of the loop, they don't see this put at all. And I get it. They have other stuff probably in their lives they care about and probably just don't really focus on content anymore, therefore don't care much to actually check what is going on with a lot of this stuff.

But it gets worse. Because it's not just in western games. It's also the fact that the ESG Bros™  have managed to get Japanese companies to start self censoring their games before they even push them over here. And one day, Japanese games will be the exact woke garbage that we have over here. We are basically exporting Neo Marxism overseas and I personally hate it. How long until it's in all media everywhere with the exception of the MOST hyper conservative cultures in the world. Which ironically enough are run by tyrants that want claim to want stability in their countries. And they eventually won't be able to keep it up economically and they will fail because communism always fails. As does tyranny.

But we need to understand what's going on here. Sure, taking "Male" and "Female" out of games is "Small" as it were. And now with this pronoun thing it's also "Small". But grains of sand make a heap. And how long until these people get kicked in the face "metaphorically" and realize that they are complacent in this. When "Moderate" lefties stop paying attention to what's going on things go south before they are ever able to react. And it makes me hope all media they love dies completely just so they can be like, "Wait what happened" just so I can rub it in their faces that they are morons.

Mind you, I don't want these assholes to win. At all. Even to prove a point. It's just a reminder that these people lost touch.