#not the most complicated thing i've ever made but i think it turned out nice

[the-sea-anemone]

made a scarf

[m4rs-ex3]

i "did a thing" if you will

kefta's oh me oh my!!

*canonically ignorant keftas

(individuals n in-depth analysis aka rambling under cut)

darkling

i mean. what do you want. B L A C K.

the pattern (which you must zoom in to see) is a swirly deal, different from the sun summoner swirls; more like wood grain

sun summoner

sun rays! swirly swirls! yellow! idk just look at!!

squallers

more swirls! these were kinda hell but idk i like em

inferni

first big divergence: orange as opposed to red. i made sure not to have any repeat embroidery colors.....even though i changed alkemi so there is no red anymore.............anyway. i'm iffy on this one bc i suck at drawing fire but i think it turned out (it's mostly just the upper side panels cuz they look a lil too fur-ish)

tidemakers

they were teal in the show right?? idk but. this one might me my favorite, but i do fear it's a lil complicated, but then again: i can do whatever the fuck i want. and no i cannot draw water without copying the great wave. whatever it's sick

heartrenders

coporalnik were harrdddddd. heartrenders are--naturally-usually symbolized by the heart but i hate drawing real hearts so cartoon hearts it is!! kinda feel like that kinda heart wouldn't exist in this universe..... but hey look it pointy

healers

heart but upside down!! (seriously what r u supposed to do.) plus bandage imagery, as a treat. these two were really just Vibes.

durasts

also pretty hard, also mostly just Vibes. btw it is a distinctly different shade of gray (1 of 50, i've heard) from the squaller silver. u will not catch me lacking nice try bud

alkemi

the most notable sticker-outer--yea she's green. i mean cmon we have enough red and no green and everybody knows science is green. anyway this is another one of my favs. vapor clouds and bubbles what's not to love

i do love the embroidery in the show, especially how, yk, much there is of it, and how identifiable it makes it, but on the other hand the books only ever mention the cuffs and hems so i like to think i struck a nice balance

[mastertengen]

Satoru Gojo x Fem reader

a/n: the personality will be based off of Makima from csm

category: Fluff

Possible ooc

Gojo attempts to take you out on a date

Gojo had been trying for weeks to convince Y/n to go on a date with him, but she always found a way to turn him down. It seemed like she was determined to keep their relationship strictly professional. But Gojo was relentless and refused to give up, He even asked Itadori, Nobara, and Megumi to help him Megumi refused but he was forced to anyways

One day, as they were discussing their plans for the weekend, Gojo mustered up the courage to try once again. "Y/n, I know you've been avoiding going on a date with me, but I promise it'll be fun. How about we go out this Saturday?" He smirked

I sighed, clearly hesitant. "Gojo, I've told you before, I don't think it's a good idea. We work together, and I don't want things to get complicated, Everything is strictly professional between us."

Gojo smiled mischievously, his eyes twinkling. "I understand your concerns, but what if I told you I know the perfect place to go to~? It would definitely make you change your mind."

I raised an eyebrow, curious about his sudden change in approach. "And where would that be?"

Gojo leaned in closer, his voice dropping to a low, enticing tone. "There's this amazing sushi restaurant that recently opened downtown. They serve the most delicious and unique sushi rolls you've ever tasted. It's an experience that you won't want to miss."

My eyes widened with newfound interest. I was a sushi lover, and the thought of trying new and innovative rolls was tempting. Still, I fought to maintain my resolve. "Nice try, Gojo, but sushi isn't enough to change my mind, You should knot that."

Gojo leaned back, pretending to be disappointed. "Well, if you say so. I guess I'll just have to enjoy those mouthwatering sushi rolls all by myself!"

I hesitated for a moment, my curiosity still getting the better of me. "Okay, fine. But this doesn't mean anything. It's just sushi."

Gojo smirked, victorious. "Of course, just sushi. I'll pick you up at seven on Saturday then."

As Saturday evening approached, Y/n found herself getting a a bit nervous. It wasn't a date, she reminded herself. Just two colleagues going out for sushi. But when Gojo arrived at her door, dressed in a sharp suit and holding a bouquet of her favorite flowers, Y/n couldn't help but feel a bit of excitement, A small smile planted on her lips.

They arrived at the sushi restaurant, and Y/n was immediately mesmerized by the elegant ambiance and the mouthwatering aroma of freshly prepared sushi. As they sat down, Gojo ordered an assortment of rolls, each more creative and delicious than the last. Y/n couldn't help but be swept away by the culinary experience.

As they laughed and shared stories between bites, Y/n realized that she was genuinely enjoying herself. The false facade she had built around her slowly began to crumble, and she allowed herself to relax in Gojo's company.

By the end of the night, Y/n found herself smiling and feeling a warmth in her heart that she hadn't felt in a long time. As they left the restaurant, Gojo glanced at her with a knowing grin. "I told you, Y/n. Sushi has its way of making everything better."

I smiled, my resistance finally giving way. "Maybe... just maybe, there's more to this than just sushi on the other hand, Our relationship is still strictly professional."

Gojo's grin widened and then he pouted at last thing i said, But he took my hand, intertwining our fingers. "I'm glad you finally gave me a chance, Y/n. But hey, You enjoyed it didnt you ?"

Y/n nodded, Before she can reply she hears a noise in the bush behind them, Gojo practically sweatdropping

"This is your fault, Itadori! Now they see us!" Nobara shouted her fake disguise falling off her face

"My fault!? You were the one that kept kicking me and Fushiguro!" Itadori shouted back, As he pushes her out the bush

I walk forward, Dragging Gojo along with me "I made sure to leave some sushi left back for you guys, But on the other hand, I knew you guys were here I enjoyed the show." I smile as the group of 3 tries to catch up to us.

A/n: I giggled while writing this if theres mistakes ignore it atp

[rosemarydisaster]

I want to ask people to please please accept nuanced characters and not be a bitch about it. I've already seen so many crazy takes and I don't know if I can handle the death of media literacy right now. We've been through this in AFTG, let's not bring that energy to TSC.

For those who have read the book, examples under the cut.

Let's start with the fandom's favorite scapegoat: Thea Muldani. "She thought Jean was a whore sleeping with the defense line". That's what she was told and what Kevin and Jean allowed her to believe. Context is important: Thea was there because she just found out her team (and she wasn't involved at all with the mafia part or Riko's torture) had lied to her about her boyfriend's injuries. She obviously couldn't believe it because, would you!?? And when she sees Jean she's instantly on his side asking what happened to him. She's heartbroken when he doesn't answer and tells her to just believe what Kevin tells her. You can tell she cared about her little duckling and was horrified with what happened under her nose.

Then Kevin. Kevin is the recipient of Jean's unrequited love and that's not his fault. Hell, there's a lot of chances he didn't even know about it, Jean was the closest thing he had to a friend. He didn't seduce and trick Jean for his own benefit, he tricked his friend to survive and regretted ever since. He knew Jean wouldn't run, he knew Jean would have tried to stop him if he told him. It wasn't fair for Jean, but it was Kevin's only chance. I thought this was obvious. Jean is entitled to hate him, but the audience should know better than mischaracterize him like that.

Jeremy and the Trojans are the closest we have to a normal pov. Their way of handling Jean's trauma is not going to be like the Foxes'. They try not to pry too much, to offer him distractions and accommodations. They honestly do as well as they can. The people saying they're so pushy and annoying???? My bestie in Christ you'd probably handle it way worse.

I just think that we as a fandom should appreciate how good Nora's character writing is. Most characters are not fully evil (and those who are you can understand how they turned into monsters most of the time), but they fuck up. Sometimes they fuck up unknowingly, sometimes they fuck up because they don't know better, sometimes they fuck someone over because it's their only way out, sometimes the circumstances get in the way.

That doesn't make things better for the characters that get screwed over. Jean is entitled to his complicated feelings over Kevin. Aaron is allowed to not understand why his brother killed his mother. Just because the current narrator's pov makes it obvious for the audience doesn't mean the characters inside the book have the info and knowhow to do better.

TSC made me love Kevin even more because I'm a sucker for for imperfect victims. I hate the IRL narrative that in order to deserve sympathy you have to be purely the most victimized victim of them all. Kevin had to step over Jean to get out of his situation. Kevin had to witness the abuse, unable to do anything about it. Kevin is a bitch to his teammates and endangers them just by being in their team. He also loves them fiercely and forces them to keep on living.

It's complicated. And if you can't handle nuanced and complex characters please just keep your incorrect opinions to yourself??? Like why is everyone so comfortable admitting publicly they don't understand how to analyze realistic traumatized characters??? Why would you admit you can only see in black and white?? "Well if you're a victim and a good guy then you would never ever do something not nice. Gotcha!" That's how you sound.

[shelbgrey]

You belong with me(George Weasley) Part 1

Paring: George Weasley X Longbottom!Reader X Cedric Diggory.

Summary: your best friend George knows you deserve better. He wants to be that 'better' but to scared to say but after a burnt hand truth may come out. (A.U where Cedric doesn't die)

Prompts: 1.0) “I mean, it's nice they found each other Sometimes you fall for someone you'd never expect, but that doesn't make it wrong. Doesn't everyone deserve to be happy?”

1.6) “I need to know if it's possible that two people can stay happy together forever.” - “in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are”

This is for my buddy Ashlee, who hates Cedric with every fiber of her soul for no reason. There's no much Cedric bashing but he's not perfect in this story.

Potter MasterList

--------(Potions Class, Snape)--------

I silently sat in my seat waiting for Professor Snape to start the lesson. He was running unusually late so that ment the class was mixed up and being social. Come to think of it this is the most talkative the class has ever been.

Except me, my boyfriend Cedric did most of the talking but ever since the tournament I've only been there to benfet him. It's technically not his fault really but what hurt was he wasn't around anymore. He would show a bright smile and laugh whole heartedly to anyone who would listen but then be too tired for anything else.

His laughter continued as he had his back to me taking to Harry and a couple of Hufflepuffs. Not complaining I silently read my book. It was a Muggle book professor Lupin gave me called The Outsiders. I was nose deep when something snapped against the hard-back cover.

I peaked from behind the book and saw a rubber band. I smiled already knowing it was my best friend George Weasley. I rolled my eyes as George leaned twords me from the desk that was acrossed from mine.

“hiya, George” I nodded my head twords Fred as I moved over to their table. Cedric didn't even realize my absence. “hay freddie”

As few minutes went on the twins explained their new product ideas and different renovation ideas for the shop they're gonna open when they're done with school. I nodded happy holding on to every word. Honestly I could listen to them talk all day, especially George. The three of us had been best friends since our 1st year and they never failed at making me laugh or made me feel out of place.

“in your seats everyone” Snape said as he stormed in the the room making everyone quite.

“the man sure knows how to make a whole room speechless” Fred mumbled. I snorted trying not to laugh out loud.

Snape whipped around book in hand. “turn to page 934”

Everyone did and 934-935 was covered with pictures and scribls of writing of a potions. A shape shifting potion to be exact. I raised an eye brow as me and Cedric read off the ingredients and the uses for the potion.

“this is unusual” Cedric mumbled. I just shrugged at the first words he's said to me all morning.

"as you can tell it's a little bit more complicated than your silly little minds can handle” Snape insulted. No one batted an eye as it was usual for him to treat this class in such manner. And yes, this class was mostly Hufflepuffs and had only a few Gryffindors.

“so you'll be working in groups” a couple of people nodded with no emotion and the others sighed in realife.

“this is an easy A” Cedric whispered. I nodded with nothing else to say. I was relieved that he wanted to pair up, it gave us extra time together but part of me knew I'd end up doing half of it while Cedric socialized. Even if he intentionally did it or not.

Our happy faces dropped slightly as Snape continued. “I'll be asing partners. Take a seat next to them when I can your names” a few brave people groaned and others just rolled their eyes.

“Diggory your with Chan” I felt my stomach turn as I heard the paring. I knew Cedric would never betray me like that but I see how Cho Chan looks at him. She gave him the same look Cedric gave me long ago.

Cedric patted my hand and left to set next to her. I gulped as Snape read off the names.

“Potter and Jorden”

“Brown and Johnson”

Snape then looked up and eyed the twins. They looked unfased and continued the stare down. “if you two think I trust you to be partners in this particular Potion you got another thing coming... Weasley and Longbottom” he said refusing to me.

Fred raised his hand in a smart-ass sort of way. “excuse me sir but... Which one”

Snape sighed and pointed to George. “which ever one you are work with Y/n Longbottom, the other one can go with Finnigan”

George happy sat next to me. I set up from my slouched potion and handed him a quill with as he flipped through his book.

“get started” Snape said bluntly.

As I was reading the steps I feel something soft touch my cheek. I batted away and continued reading. It came back again and this time it tickled more. I giggled and pushed the quill out of George's hand.

He laughed as he successfully got my attention. “which cauldron do you want to use?”

“we can use yours a guess” George nodded and got up to get his from his previous spot. As he did Cedric stared daggers into the ginger.

---☆☆☆☆☆☆☆---

The cauldron boiled a Creamy white liquid as I grinded and cut up the different ingredients for the spell. On my right was George stirring the pot and reading the book.

“what do they mean shread something pure?” Cedric said getting a little too stressed over the potion. This class had never been his strong suit, which is why it would have been an 'easy A' if we were partners.

“your supposed to shread the dandelion” I said walking next door to his table. Right when I went over to help Cedric and the cauldron explode and the hot liquid splashed on my hand. I hiss and jerked beck into George's chest.

I held my hand as the cauldron dumped all over the floor. George quickly pulled me back from the steaming puddle. Cho and I coughed from the steam as Cedric stood there dumbfounded.

“Weasley take miss. Longbottom to Madam Pomfrey, and for the love of Godric clean your mess Diggory”

“y/n im sorr-” he started but George pulled me along towards the door.

“watch what your doing next time, Champion” I hear Fred say as we leave for the Infirmary.

Dispite the burning I felt on my hand I felt security as George walked next to me with his arm around me. I felt my heart sweal as he wrapped my hand in his red handkerchief and continued to ask me if I was alright.

“seriously, I'm fine Georgie” I chuckled as he opened the door to hospital wing. He smiled brightly as he held the door for me.

“madam Pomfrey, we got a Burned hand” George called out. The older woman sighed from the back and the sound of her foot steps followed. “What did you boys do now?”

She looked surprised as she saw me clenching my hand as stood next to George. “my dear what happened?”

“Diggory Knocked a hot potion onto her hand” George said looking visibly upset. Madam Pomfrey led me to one of the beds and George followed without hesitation.

George helped me on the bed as Pomfrey brought a stool to set in front of me. “let me see, Dear” she said softly. I hissed as the fabric left my red hand. You couldn't miss Pomfrey's expression as she examined my hand. I looked down for the first time and my eyes bugged out.

On my first two fingers had a thing strip of red coiled all the way up from my nails from my knuckles and the whole top of my and and thumb was covered in a deep red with white blisters.

She sighed sympathetically as she carefully studied my hand. “What potions were you using Dear?”

“it was supposed to be a shape shifting potion” I sighed. “Diggory's didn't go as planned, Godric knows what was put in that heaping pile of crap” George said butting in. The more the thought of it, the angry he got and thst didn't go unnoticed.

“did you breath anything in?”

I nodded thinking back when Cho and I were coughing and hacking from the steam from the potion.

“well, I can use a spell to transfer the heat out of your skin, then we'll put an ointment on it, but since we're not quite sure what was in the cauldron you'll have to say the night or just intill the potion leaves your system” Pomfrey explained.

Next she pulled out her wand and gently touched it to the tip of my finger. She gently pulled back before anything happened. “this usually hurts so brace yourself”

The tip of her wand touch my finger again and this time I grabbed George's hand with my good one. The pain wasn't as bad as imagined, but It felt like someone was pulling hot needles out of my hand.

After a few seconds she was done but there was still white and red puss like things that clinged to my hand. I looked at it in disgust as Madam Pomfrey gently coated my hand on ointment the rapped bandges over it.

“after dinner I want you to come back and then we'll decide if you have to stay over night” Pomfrey said. Me and George both nodded as he helped me off the bed.

“keep an eye on that poor girl, George” Madam Pomfrey yelled as we left. My cheeks dusted red as George closed the door behind us. He look equally red but tried really hard to hide it.

It wasn't awkward or anything, we were close friends and the whole school basically knew we were best friends. But knowing that George went out of his way to take me to the hospital wign and even stayed when he didn't need to made the butterflies in my stomach go crazy.

“so, your on first name bases with Madam Pomfrey know?” I asked playfully bumping his shoulder with mine. All the professors and staff usually referred to as with our last names so I was genuinely curious.

George chuckled and looked down. “yeah, when your Pyro maniacs like my brother and I you end up in the hospital wign for miner injuries.”

I nodded remembering all the times him and Fred would disappear after a practical joke gonne wrong or when one of their fireworks backfired.

George laughed and wrapped his arm around me. “let's get some dinner, I'm starving”

“same, let's go”

As we walked into the great hall it was already fairly packed. I looked over at the Hufflepuff table and spotted Cedric getting tugged around by his 'fans' as they flashed around their 'Potter stinks' pins around.

My smile fell as he was once again busy. It was a big room, I knew that much so there was no reason to get upset with him. George shook his head at him and pulled me to the Gryffindor table Where our brothers, Hermione and Harry were.

“heard about the hand, you okay Sis?” Neville asked as I sat down across from him. I gave my little brother a reassuring look and nodded. “I'm fine Nev”

“that's not what Pomfrey said...” George mumbled. I nudgged him as Fred who was setting on the other side of me gave me a concerned look. I elbowed him then looked at my friends worried faces.

“I'm seriously fine, she just said I might have to stay the night because we didn't quit know what was in Cedric's Cauldron.”

Hermione eyes widened with consern. “Cedric did that?”

“really?” Neville asked surprised but also had a hint of anger to his voice.

“it was an accident!” I sighed.

“well that accident might keep you in the hospital wign tonight” George said taking a bite of his chicken.

As dinner was coming to an End my stomach started to turn and my chest felt like it was tighting around my heart the harder it pounded.

I gulped and set my fork down as the voices around me started to sound muffled then none existent.

“y/n!”

---☆☆☆☆☆☆☆---

“come on love” George's voice said faintly.

I winced as pounding progressed in my head. My eyes fluttered open as I adjusted to the sunlight that shined through the many windows.

I turned to my left and saw George's bright smile. Behind him was Neville, who was passed out in the bed next to mine.

“Hey, Darling how are you feeling?” I slightly smiled at the ginger I called my best friend.

“Why didn't anyone tell me?!” Cedric said suddenly making me jump by the sudden noise. Cedric then ran to my bed worried. George set back in his chair extending the space between us.

Cedric ran to my bed side and took my hand. His eyes full of concern and his expression was frazzled. He sat down next to me as George stared him down.

“he didn't seem to concerned yesterday, she's here because of him”

“thanks for staying with her Mate” Cedric said bringing George back to reality. George forced a smile at him but he couldn't hold back the sarcasm.

Before George could say anything Harry and Ron both peaked their heads in the room. “George, Neville Professor McGonagall is looking for you guys”

Neville set up from the bed beside mine and gave me a hug goodbye. “oh, how you feeling?” Ron asked. I smiled and held my thumb up.

“I'm good here, I'll catch her later” George responded. Cedric raised en eye browe. His face held a hint of jealousy as George stood his ground.

“it's fine go, I'll be here with her” Cedric said like he was trying to mark his territory. He stared down George and such a way I've never seen Cedric do.

“oh that makes me feel so much better” George mumbled under his breath. Cedric gave him a questioning look. “sorry, didn't catch that”

“nothing, I'll come by later N/n” George huffed as he lefted with his younger brother.

---☆☆☆☆☆☆☆---

“ced, let's go!”

“yeah, mate let's go”

Cedric's Friends continued to call him as he sat at my bedside. He looked over his shoulder and chuckled as his Hufflepuff friends flagged him down. He then looked at me with a questioning look. Not wanting to fight and feeling slightly hurt that he'd leave so quickly I just forced a smile.

“go ahead, I'll be here” he smiled big and kissed my lips passionately. “thank you love”

I stared at burned hand with a sorrowful. As soon as I heard the door latch I let the tears fall. Everything seemed to be hitting me and sitting here made me think. I felt hurt on how easy Cedric left, like I was second priority. But with George he never wanted to leave.

I couldn't shake the thought of how easy It is to be around George Weasley... How safe it is. He always knew how to make me smile or laugh no matter what I was feeling thst day. I loved how his brown eye held so much love and humor. His eyes could be so lively and loving and barely show any fire or hate.

“what's wrong my dear?” Madam Pomfrey voice said suddenly said. I turned my head towards her and the words started falling uncontrollably.

“I kissed him, but I wanted it to be someone else... Dose that make me a bad person?” I mumbled. Madam Pomfrey gave me a soft expression.

“no, I doesn't” she said softly. She smiled turned around. She turned back when I spoke again. I couldn't shake the feeling romance was pointless. Are boyfriends and girlfriends just supposed to be on the side lines till their partner wants them? Is there such thing as love? I think love is what I feel when I'm around George.

“I need to know if it's possible that two people can stay happy together forever.”

Madam Pomfrey turned around with a small smile “in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are”

“your still young dear, you'll find that someone” I nodded as she left.

Her words running through my brain over and over again.

[thevioletscout]

I would've loved you for a thousand years I would've died for you I would've sacrificed it all my dear I would've bled for you 'Til death do us part You were unholy right from the start It's a nice night for a black wedding

------------------------------------------------------

I think I'm the only person who's shipped my HoK with Lucien Lachance- and made it a toxic relationship.

Alright some backstory. After killing Gwinas in a misguided sense of vengeance, Erato woke up to find Lucien Lachance standing over her bed, promising her a place in the Dark Brotherhood. Despite the frightening situation, Erato became very charmed by the assassin and desired to be closer to him. So she did everything she was asked, killed everyone he told her to up until his own demise.

Lucien I believe never loved Erato in that way. He cared for her, but as a shepherd would for any sheep in his flock. Complicating matters was that Lucien was old enough to be her father, given Erato was a mere 24 years of age. However, I think he knew that the Bosmer held affection for him and would sort of prey on those feelings to keep her in line without ever truly indulging her. To put it plainly, The Dark Brotherhood is a cult and Lucien's job was to indoctrinate her and keep her loyal.

Regardless, it seemed that was how their story would end, with things between them never truly getting resolved. But something funny happened. They got to meet again.

Due to a long story involving Erato's murder and a soul gem, she found herself once again in the Dark Brotherhood 200 years later, but this time as a far more experienced and ruthless assassin who could see just how far they had fallen. It was here she was given the ability to summon the Spectral Assassin, who turned out to be none other than her beloved Lucien Lachance. Despite their once strict dynamic, the two actually developed a real friendship. It helped that they both had a great disdain for Astrid, who they saw as blasphemous towards Sithis and the Night Mother. However, this did not protect her from Astrid's inevitable betrayal.

After witnessing the fall of yet another sanctuary, and killing the emperor reminding her of why she murdered in the first place, Erato started to see the Dark Brotherhood through clearer eyes and grew disillusioned with it. The most sobering realization was that despite how close they were now; Erato couldn't talk to Lucien about any of it. Even in death- a death that the Night Mother COULD have prevented- he was still loyal to her above all else and his priority would always be encouraging Erato to be the same way. This brewed into a resentment for him, the Dark Brotherhood, and their gods. Family is only family when you don't disagree, after all.

I think the most interesting thing about Erato and Lucien's relationship is that in many ways they are a parallel to Sithis and the Night Mother themselves. Like Sithis, Lucien gave Erato a family, and then demanded that she kill them. I've even entertained the idea that if things had gone differently Erato could have actually mantled the Night Mother.

But that was not how their story went.

"Priest are you there? Can you hear my voice, are you out there?" "Mother I am here, I can hear your song."

(Also I got the pose from Figurosity and made some alterations)

[spoopydooblr]

The Ken and Stella pregnancy blurb was so good could you write one where they find out that she’s pregnant?

ive been thinking about this scenario a lot and i cant really decide how i want this to go . . .

i think a year or so after they get married (stella is like 30ish) they start to really do their research and find the best fertility clinic in the city. its been almost 20 years since kendall and rava struggled to get pregnant, but still, he's not feeling optimistic.

stella gets a clean bill of health from the doctor, but ken isn't so lucky. just as he suspected, he was the problem. again.

was it the drugs? he was clean now, but he used so much...could he have ruined his chances forever?

stella assures him that it'll be okay, but she never went through what he had to 20 years ago.

they decide on a couple of treatments. they're both taking shots every day and pills at night and its exhausting. most of the meds go to kendall, but stella has to take some too, just in case.

they begin with intrauterine insemination, which is pretty simple and painless, but stella gets her period two weeks later. its hard on both of them, but especially kendall because he knows it's him, not her.

next they try ivf, which is a lot more complicated and expensive (not that money is an issue). now they both have to do injections and stella goes in for her egg retrieval.

the egg retrieval goes better than expected and they're left with 10. ken's sample has some relatively viable sperm so they pull the trigger and try to make some embryos.

the waiting is by-far the worst part, because deep down kendall knows there's no way those embryos are going to get made with his shitty sperm. he's right, unfortunately, and they're back to square one with zero embryos and ten now-frozen eggs.

kendall suggests a donor, like they did with iverson. stella's heartbroken, but they start to look into other options.

because they have the best doctors, however, they get into a trial for a new drug that increases sperm count and viability. stella is thrilled and insists kendall try it, but it's another injection and he's not super happy about it. nothing has ever worked for him, why now?

it's nice to have a break from more intense treatments, so they agree and kendall marks his torso up with injection pricks again.

three months later, ken and stella are enjoying some time off from surgery and tiny, microscopic cells that control their lives. kendall's in new york for the week, working on some financials for their production company (i imagine them making something rival to waystar and completely taking over the media scene), and stella is holding it down in los angeles, or at least trying to.

it's flu season and she's been to so many fancy parties in the last few weeks, stella is sick as a dog. she's a little worried, but the nausea, vomiting and headaches are typical for the flu, right?

she also chalks her late period up to stress. but it's been at least a few weeks...

the day before kendall is supposed to come home, stella drives herself to the hospital after she can't stop throwing up.

"when did the symptoms start?" the doctor asks.

"a week ago, i think, but ive been feeling kind of off for a while."

"and there's no chance you're pregnant? when was your last period?"

stella's heart skips a beat.

"um, i'm not sure. we're trying, uh, but it's been unsuccessful. my period is really irregular and i've been stressed so--" she trails off. "we've been trying for a couple of years."

"and are you taking medication?"

"i did, but it's not really..." she thinks for a bit. "it's not a uterus issue, it's my husband."

"and what is he taking?"

she tells the doctor about the new medication kendall is taking. "it's only been three months, so we're still hopeful. or at least i am."

"i've heard some great things about that new drug. it's really changing people's lives." the doctor smiles, turning away from stella and writing something down. "i'm going to order some tests, but i think you're fine."

------------------

kendall, obviously, sprints to his jet when stella tells him she's sick. she insists she's fine, but wants him to come home as soon as he can, which stresses him out to no avail.

he bursts through the door four hours later, finding stella reading a magazine on the couch.

"stell!" he says, running towards her.

"hey baby." she hugs him, bringing him down to the couch with her. stella presses her lips to his, but kendall is confused.

"aren't you sick?" he pulls away.

her face breaks into a huge smile. "about that..." stella gets up from the couch and walks to the kitchen.

kendall looks at her quizzically, as she comes back with a piece of paper in her hands.

"i have something to show you." she says, holding the paper close to her.

"okay..." kendall smiles at her, utterly confused.

stella carefully sits next to him on the couch. "here."

kendall recognizes the picture immediately. he used to frame them when rava was pregnant with iverson.

"what is this?" he holds up the ultrasound. it's too good to be true, right? tears prick his eyes.

stella is crying already, and takes his hand. "that's inside of me."

he looks down at the black and white photo again. a fuzzy, bean-looking object sits, next to another, smaller object. he's speechless for the first time in his life.

"what is that?" he whispers, pointing to the smaller object on the page.

stella looks at him, and he really can't read her for once.

"this surprise comes with another surprise." she laughs.

kendall's crying, but he takes another look. "is that..."

"yeah."

"two?" he smiles wide.

"i'm pregnant." she finally says, putting her hands on his cheeks. "baby, we're having twins."

they both burst out into crying giggles, hugging. kendall kisses her all over, stopping at her stomach. it's still pretty flat, but he knows her body so well he swears he can see a tiny bump growing.

THIS WAS SO FUN AND LOVELY TO WRITE I LOVE THEM AND I HOPE U DO TOO

[piracytheorist]

So as I mentioned, I got my copy of the Family Portrait stories!

It feels weird to suddenly have to turn the pages the left-to-right way, lol. But I guess it wouldn't work the right-to-left way for a book translated to English.

Opening it there's this cute illustration, as well as the winter-y one on the back, which kinda makes me wonder: why is it bound on the book?? I wished there was a safe way for me to rip it off and hang it on my wall. Anyway, both illustrations are super cute!

And so my collection continues to grow!

I might order the Eyes Only guide soon, I'm just wary of it including spoilers from a few future chapters. So we'll see. In any case, this might be the first time since I was a child collecting Disney's Ducks comics (and I wasn't that meticulous with those, even) that I've made such a collection! Should things keep going well I intend to keep buying the volumes to the end of the story :D

Spoilered thoughts about the stories included in the book below!

The first mission with the Eden kids going camping actually reminded me that I can find the dynamic between Anya and Damian pretty funny, at least from seeing how stubborn Damian gets. The illustration especially of Damian holding Anya's hand with Anya going like "He can be nice for real??" and Damian going like "How dare she manipulate me into feeling bad for her!!" is terrific and the only way I'll ever see this dynamic, thanks. Also really loved the moment of Damian kinda and dismissively admitting to himself he's also scared of the thunderstorm. Also found it really funny how at the end, Loid is described as handsome XD the writer knew her audience!

In the second story I think I lost count how many times I laughed. While with a deep, interesting layer, Yuri is just so entertaining to me. The most normal guy ever, wishing he was an ingredient so his sister could chop him into her dishes along with pieces of the cutting board 🥰

No, but really, I think there was a lot of care in writing Yuri here. His inner monologue is unending and bound to give Anya a headache, though it was quite sudden to hear him refer to her as a bastard and the spawn of Loid's loins 😳 but I liked the darker tone as he "acted" as a cop and took out his frustrations on the actor, picturing him as a potentially-abusive Loid. It ticks at a very interesting dynamic which I very much hope Endo explores at some point :D

(I actually wonder if there will be a moment post-identity reveal (where Yuri also knows about both Loid and Yor) and he makes a really ugly quip at Anya and Loid goes all protective like "Say whatever you want about me, but hurt my daughter again and I won't hesitate, bitch")

While I found Anya's "interrogation" scene funny, I found it a bit repetitive that she used the same technique that she used with the Red Circus guy from the bullet-in-butt date. Small note, but still XD

For the third story I have both praises and criticism... I understand how it was needed for the story, but I don't like it when characters' disabilities are taken away. It would have made for a bit more complicated setting but it would have been a little more respectful to have Alessa unable to see Franky because she had eye surgery for whatever reason aside from being blind before, and she had bandages on and couldn't see. And Franky would feel like he's on borrowed time because he knows from day to day she'll get the bandages off and she'll face him.

Also, making her nineteen instead of sixteen is just on the verge. And because I have met people who are now professional singers... nineteen is way too young to be considered for opera. She could be training, of course, but it's a very long-term investment. There's a reason most opera singers you see in concerts are in their late twenties at the earliest. And I get that she comes from a musical background and she has a talent or whatever, but again. She could have been aged up to mid-twenties and to me it would have made much more sense.

But as for the good parts, I was actually surprised by how convincing Franky was about wanting to deceive her. And when Twilight turned and asked "Are you sure you're okay with this?" I might have felt a chill. I should have given Franky more credit, haha. And the banter between them was nice, with Twilight teetering on thinking of Franky as a friend, and how Franky ended up handling the situation... that was good, I liked it.

I had already read the last story through a fan translation, so I wasn't surprised by anything new there. It was just as fun and wacky as you'd expect it to be. By the way, I liked the point that story drove on, that despite the painter's success and fame, he only had a cheap apartment for himself and donated all his earnings so that future art students could paint without worrying about the cost of their supplies. Very in touch with the whole story's message :)

What struck me as odd was when Loid hugged Anya to keep the pretense of him being a doting father. I was like "He would not fucking do that" cause we know homeboy isn't ready for such proximity, and an actual hug between Anya and Loid has to have a big impact, the times he held her up while she slept or whatever notwithstanding.

But the ending was really sweet, with Twilight feeling a sense of warmth and getting a bit of honesty in his smile. The last illustration by Endo was very fitting!

Overall, it was interesting to hold a book in my hands and read about the characters that way. I think Aya Yajima did a good job capturing the characters, and I'm always happy to read Endo's afterwords, he really seems like a very chill and down-to-earth guy.

[traewilson]

Thinking about Wish, genuinely one of the most bafflingly incompetent incoherent films ever made by a mainstream film studio. It and (from the sounds of it, there was no way I was seeing this in theaters) Kung-Fu Panda 4 are true blue capitalist cinema - the marketers are king, the executives are God himself - and friends, they make the Old Testament God look like a prince of Hell. All attempts at creative thought subverted and stamped out at every turn, in favor of strictly what has been proven to work before. The test audiences know what they want, and the executives aren't here to gamble - they're here to invest in safe property.

The two archenemy of cinema, it seems, are the Test Audience and the Executive. Not incorrectly, I feel, but Wish (and KFP4 by the sounds of it) aren't enough to describe a failure like this. Wish is truly unique in its failure. From everything I've heard about the productions of both Wish and KFP2 point to a trend where the creative teams are at war with each other - one team wants to do things, well, creatively. Well, in other words. Wishing to take actions that make sense narratively even if they may not be brand friendly. Those who pushed for Wish to be traditionally animated; those who pushed for KFP4 to maintain a level of quality AT LEAST to the level of KFP3.

And then you have the other camp: what I call the executive-minded creative. The people who saw the demands for a return to traditional animation, remembered how traditional animation consistently financially flopped (thanks in no small part to deliberate sabotage on the part of film executives withholding marketing) and they decide to actively work against their own. Eventually, they settle on a compromise that works (for them and the executives) - hand-drawn textures on the animation. The end result looks like Disney made yet another Frozen-era Disney film, but now it has this bad image filter going on that makes it look worse.

Team members on Wish wanted to make a classic Disney villain again, but Disney execs and the team leaders in turn are under the impression that's not what sells, so they won't do it. The villain has to be complex-ish, nuanced-ish. Just nuanced enough to be more complicated than Maleficent, but not SO nuanced the audience might think the villain was actually right the whole time. The conflict between these two camps is never resolved because they are fundamentally diametrically opposed, and the result is King Magnifico, a villain who is written with such startling carelessness he is simultaneously too evil and too nice, and a character who it could very easily be argued didn't do anything that wrong.

Once upon a time, the archenemy of cinema was the executive. But I think we're seeing lately a rise in something more insidious and therefore effective - creatives who are so firmly molded by capitalist realism that they are, themselves, executives with pretensions of being creative. Nothing matters but what makes us richer. Any move that would jeopardize the money is inherently the wrong decision. To these false creatives, it's only art if it can sell. If these people are the next evolution of the creative, then my friends, we are in some deep shit here.

[nobodysdaydreams]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 21, and 25 for Curtain/Nathanial Benedict, SQ and Jeffers on the Character Ask Game! You can pick whichever character applies the most to a question. :)

Hope you’re having a lovely day! 💕

Hey Nova! Sorry this took so long! I’m having a lovely day and I hope you are too!

Curtain/Nathaniel Benedict

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

I dislike him for all the obvious reasons. Horrible brother, father, uncle, friend, boss and person, trapped in his own mind, refuses therapy, makes his issues everyone else’s problem, is a perpetual martyr and victim, constantly hypocritical, and insufferably smug about it all. What do I like about him? Specifically for the show version, I loved the glimpses of his humanity. Nathaniel doing art projects with SQ, connecting with Sticky in the Whisperer when he says he fears not being wanting, and joking with Nicholas in the compound. Even just his little quirks, his silly dancing and theater kid vibes, his love of oddly specific foods, the flashbacks of little Nathaniel making that hair gel to impress new parents. You hate him so much but you really feel Nicholas and SQ’s frustrations and understand how they can hold out so much hope for him because you see the potential.

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

That they gave him a history with Nicholas, made him SQ’s dad, and gave him a uh, a “friend” in Garrison. Intriguing storylines and they should have done more with them.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

I’d say the way he treats others but he’s the villain. He’s written that way, it’s expected that he wouldn’t be nice, but when he apologizes to Nicholas and turns good we don’t get ONE MENTION OF SQ??? If you’re gonna be a good guy now, you might want to start by caring about your missing child.

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

Wolf359. I cannot tell you how many times I write “Curtain” and “Cutter” at the wrong times on accident. Nathaniel would absolutely have an evil space company. @sophieswundergarten and I had an AU for this if anyone is interested I can post about it sometime.

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Antihero by Taylor Swift for sure. The song summarizes Nathaniel perfectly, and if you don’t believe me, I hope this edit changes your mind. I think it might be one of my favorite edits I've ever made, though my star wars one is close, it's a tough call.

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

We’re both theater kids who also do STEM stuff. Idk what that says about me.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

My favorite thing to do for any character is explore themes of guilt, redemption, forgiveness, and healing. I love it, and Nathaniel is the perfect character for it. I don’t like stories that say either A) he can’t be redeemed no matter how sorry he is or B) no boundaries, consequences, or struggle necessary. He apologized; he gets a free pass! (Disclaimer: write what you want, don’t let me stop you, but I like to show the journey. Especially in a way that’s realistic and shows the complications that do come with these kinds of big life/perspective changes).

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

At first, I wasn’t sure about him in the show. He was clearly aged down, and his character was different. Then they dropped the whole thing about the twins knowing each other growing up in the orphanage and Nathaniel being SQ’s adoptive father and I was like “oohhh… I see what they’re doing. I’m 100% on board. This is interesting.” If only they'd seen it through.

Shepard Quaid (SQ)

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

What’s not to like? Books or show, he’s sweet, precious, good, the best boy, and believes in everyone. For the show specifically I love that they made him more assertive to show the parent and child relationship he has with Curtain. He questions his dad, lies to his face, and I love that he does that! I wanted more of that! (And his art and love of animals). Incredible character. The only dislikes are that he didn’t get more screen time and the way other characters treat him. He deserves better. He deserves his father on his knees groveling with an apology (and explanation about what happened to his birth parents to because I’m sorry his dad just “worked with Curtain and got sick???” And what happened to the mom? I’d assume he had one???)

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Rat by Penelope Scott. The people have spoken.

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

We're both neurodivergent (that's more of a headcanon, but I don't think anyone is gonna fight me on this).

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

I love writing about him discovering who his family really is and finding his place in the world on his own terms because that’s his whole arc. However, I don’t like the fact I have to write him in pain so often. The poor boy deserves a break but sadly I must hurt him for the plot.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

10/10 books AND show first impression for obvious reasons. As for now, the show version is sadly a ?/10 because WHERE IS HE? But in all seriousness, I love the character, and SQ has consistently been my #1.

Jeffers

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

His silly speech about the perimeter. It's so unserious and unnecessary but 100% iconic.

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

I don't know if there's anything I really hate about him. I know some people were upset he wasn't as threatening as the ten men, but that's just not his character, you know? He's comedic relief, and I think he did a nice job with that, especially in season 2.

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

Father Brown. He looks exactly like Inspector Mallory with the mustache, and he'd be just as incompetent, if not more.

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

We both like to dramatically monologue. I don't know what that says about me.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

I like writing his silly little comedic relief disasters. Something I don't like is that there actually aren't a lot of fics with his character tag on AO3. So I'm glad I could give the fandom some Jeepers shenanigans nobody asked for.

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

In season 1, I thought his character was kind of unnecessary and honestly, couldn't even remember his name. In season 2 when he got more screentime he was really funny and had great comedic timing.

[runawaymarbles]

20 questions for fic writers!

tagged by @chubsthehamster- thanks!

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

32, unless you count the book covers. I've got 106 book covers

2. What’s your total ao3 word count?

487,170

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Whatever I get stuck on at any given moment. My most recent ones are 9-1-1, Inception, ATS and Hawkeye, but my repeat fandoms are Spn, X-Men, The Old Guard and Black Sails.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

I'm copying chubs and doing my personal favorites, because my top four kudos'd fic are all for the same fandom (The Old Guard) and written within like three weeks of each other.

The Scroll of Saint Barnabas (9-1-1, Buddie, 15k): recency bias, but I had a lot of fun with this one. I also probably drove my girlfriend*and cousin insane during the writing process. Sorry about that. The basic premise is: we all know how time loop fics go, but what if after the loop is broken the character has PTSD from all the things that nobody else remembers? And also what if you get a knotted dildo hooked onto your permanent retainer? *though we've now established consent and parameters for whether we can have sex if one of us is stuck in a time loop. It's always important to have these conversations in advance!!!

What The Moon Was Saying (Spn, destiel, 16k.) It's about Dean rescuing Cas from the Empty, technically, but it's also about Dean working through things he refuses to think about directly, and it's also about the perspective of dead characters who aren't all-knowing and have no clue what happened after they died, and it's also about Inanna's Descent into the Underworld and how many jokes about Sumerian mythology I could fit in there that probably nobody else is going to think are funny but I think are funny, and it's also about what issues Orpheus would have had if he'd succeeded. The central thesis statement is that Margaritaville is thee Dean Winchester Mental State song.

The Mixtape, Or: Six Things You Learn in Thursday School (Spn, destiel, 6k.) I always had this idea that I was going to write a fantasy book of some kind, where the first part would be about the founding of a religion and then the following parts would jump ahead a few hundred years and see how that religion and that original story change in the telling. Instead of writing that book I wrote 6,000 words about a post-apocalyptic religion whose foundational text was the Winchester Gospels, except they don't actually have the Winchester Gospels, so they're relying on collected ephemera and thirdhand accounts. It is also about both academic and online discourse.

The House on Graymalkin Lane (X-Men, background cherik, 92k.) My nice little outsider-POV x-men haunted house fic. It started out as "the x-mansion would be a bonkers haunted house" and then it turned into a love letter to the original timeline (we barely knew ye). It's about the mortifying ordeal of being in high school and also about how all my grandparents died at once and I had a lot of complicated feelings about that.

The Ill-Made Knight (X-Men, cherik, 1.5k) OK so you know that trope that's like "if anyone is going to kill me I want it to be you"?? it's that, but instead of being used as a statement of everlasting love and devotion, it's being used as psychological warfare. And also kind of a statement of everlasting love. But in a fucked up sort of way. Because Cherik.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I didn't used to but I do now because I always like it when people reply to mine. Sometimes I miss them and respond years later but like... I got there eventually?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

the whole estate of mortal man. (Black Sails, silverflint, 40k.) Silver is immortal but has a very impermanent self. Flint is mortal and has a very permanent self. There was only one way that was ever going to end and I stand by it.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Of recent ones, I guess The Most Fun A Girl Can Have? (Kate/Yelena, 8k.) They're having a pretty good time for most of it.

8. Do you get hate on fic?

Not since like, high school.

9. Do you write smut?

Nope. Hats off to smut writers, you're doing God's work. It's very difficult.

10. Do you write crossovers?

I haven't, unless you count every Marvel fic being a crossover. And Good Omens show/book. But that seems like a cop-out.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not as far as I know.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Some very kind people translated The Punishment of Sisyphus (Black Sails crackfic) and Antebellum (Black Sails, Anne & Eleanor fic) into Russian, Stalefish (Old Guard, Nile-centric) into Polish, and Kidnapping for Dummies (Old Guard, Joe shenanigans) into Spanish. I can only read the Spanish one.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yessss. The #ImmortalHusbands Conspiracy (The Old Guard social media fic) with @phoenix-acid. That was very fun.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Why would you ask me this. This is cruel. I can barely pick a top 5.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

The Marvel pirate AU, probably. It's almost a complete story on its own as it stands. There's about half a next chapter written and I could probably us that to tie things up, if I cut out a bunch of things, but I'd have to reread all my research. I did way too much research for that.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Character voices? I hope it's character voices. I watch a lot of youtube compilations before writing anyone to try and get a handle on how they talk.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

The actual romance part of a romance. What do you mean they have to get together after I've set everything up so that they get together? Ridiculous.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've never done it before, but I respect people who can pull it off. I do really hate that trope though where a multilingual character calls their love interest pet names in their mother-tongue, when they are never shown using it that way (or mixing that language and English in a conversation) in canon.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

....percy jackson and the olympians.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Since I listed five favorites up there I'm switching this with the kudos question. Fic with the most kudos is Kidnapping for Dummies (The Old Guard, 3.5k)

Tagging @monstrous-femme @thegeminisage @bomberqueen17 @ellelans @annerbhp @significanceofmoths and anyone else who wants to do it. say i tagged you. nobody will ever check to find out.

[ae-neon]

Cassian barely seemed like he loved Nesta in Acosf 😒 you could tell he held Feyre in higher regard and Mor.

Hello anon

My lukewarm because it's actually canon take as the self proclaimed number 1 Nessian anti is that this was all true pre ACOSF too.

I've already made a post on pre ACOSF Nessian being bad (check pinned)

I'm a big fan of the Jujutsu Kaisen manga but after about a month on fandom twitter I left because it became apparent to me that people take fanon and act like it's canon.

Fanon is fine. Fanon is great. I am a big supporter of and participant in Delusion™ But not when the fans blur that line then expect everyone, including the canon narrative, to be held to that.

Cassian, as I've said before, could have been one of the best representations of positive masculinity not only sjm, but YA as whole, had ever produced. He is a great guy and an even better friend.

It's not bad that he's so good to Feyre and Mor, it's actually really great (especially between Mor and Cas, they literally fucked, he wanted her, she used him, it's complicated, but they're still best friends drop the sibling bs SJM)

Pre ACOSF:

Nessian plays on some pretty standard tropes, not my fave but tried and tested none the less. It's the sitcom special about the tiny mean wife and the big nice husband, the cocky flirty guy and the proud prudish woman, the 10 Thing I Hate About You regular meal.

Personally this dynamic gives me Taming of The Shrew PTSD and as a RBF girlie I've had too many guys think they were gonna "melt the ice" by constantly challenging my personal space and brushing off my obvious dislike. But that's just me.

The main problems with canon Nessian is it's timing and, like every other ship, the power imbalance that turns it from "Enemies to Lovers" to "Victim to Lover".

As always THE LATTER SHOULD NOT AND CANNOT EXIST IN YA AS IT IS A DARK ROMANCE TROPE AND DARK ROMANCES CANNOT BE YA.

ACOSF (from what I know)

The problem is being nice to everyone else then not so nice to your target is a classic abuse tactic. It's scary.

Especially because the abuser still does nice things and wants the abused so the abused gaslights themselves into thinking certain behaviour is what causes their abuse.

The abused is manipulated into thinking it's their fault. Because they are the only close/good person who experiences those bad reactions. And everyone else thinks the abuser is so great so it must be true.

This is why the Tamlin character switch up didn't work on a lot of people. Irl a lot of abusers aren't the obvious, easy to spot, bad guys and most abuse doesn't start out as directly physical.

Anyways this is way too long of an answer sorry 😅🙏

[valkerymillenia]

Finally had the appointment with the psychiatric specialist. Had to get up at 6am and go to a whole other city but I got it.

He was a guy (not the actual doctor I was supposed to see because she's on medical sabbatical). And he was nice but I am awkward with strangers and there were some things... Look, I just hate medical gender bias and there was a little here.

But most of all, there was... Some ableism?

Don't get me wrong, he was good and proper and did his job, he was also nice (and very young), but I was there for an ADHD and autism screening so I could have an official documented diagnosis and, well, there was quite a bit of gender bias about these disorders... And a significant amount of unconscious ableism too.

I'm already being treated for these things but my current doctors (psychiatrist, psychologist, and GP) don't have expertise in this area because these disorders aren't usually diagnosed in adulthood and that is their field, and this guy is the "expert" so we need his stamp on the matter just to dot the i's.

Turns out we didn't have enough time for all the tests because someone messed up and scheduled this as a follow-up appointment instead of an assessment but we made do. Here's my problem though: he only wanted to focus on the ADHD.

Also, he ignored a lot of details I was trying to put on the table but I might be reading too much into this.

According to him, yes, I definitely have ADHD and it's good that I'm already testing the medication for it but he wants to see what else he can do and if he can fix the side effects, but we didn't really have enough time for a full evaluation so he sent me home with a bunch of written tests to take so he can check them next month and have a more concise idea of my issues.

He also cut some of the older medication I had that is now obsolete with the new stuff.

I'm fine with all that. Grateful even.

But I wanted to talk about the autism diagnosis, I've been trying to approach this with doctors for years, I've desperate to be heard ever since I learned just how strongly the symptoms applied to me every since I was born, I'm been desperate ever since I discovered the gender bias in diagnosing females, I did so much research and talked to other autistic people and associations that gave emotional support, but the doctors keep brushing it off, not because they don't agree but because they literally don't want to talk about autism in general, they don't even wasn't to explain why they don't want to talk about it, the stigma is just too big.

Eventually, this is what this doc said:

"Look, autism is a spectrum and all so it's complicated. You definitely have serious autistic traits for sure but I don't think we should test you for it, there's no point because you're an adult and you've already learned coping mechanisms and masking the hard way, you struggled a lot but you're here, there's really not much else we can do help with and not much treatment we can give for this so why saddle you with a bad label?"

Like, it's so ableist. He totally missed the point? I told him I don't really care about what treatment they can give me, I just want confirmation because:

1. there's safety in labels, much more comforting to know I'm normal zebra and not a failed horse,

2. having the diagnosis gives me access to more information and a better ability to find good coping mechanisms and helpful tools for my daily life,

3. having the diagnosis allows me to find community and get mutual help and support without judgement,

4. having an official diagnosis helps me get certain amenities (or at least understanding) to make my life easier, be it with work or family life, even with social security or at certain events,

5. and finally, just because I survived my childhood without a label and found a way to blend in with neurotypicals doesn't mean that's a good thing (I was horribly bullied and abused for a reason), it doesn't mean that I'm currently happy pretending to be what society expects, doesn't mean it's not fucking exhausting, doesn't mean I don't deserve validation for my struggles.

But noooo, his whole focus was on "we can't medicate to FIX it so why bother" and on "what people would think of you if you had that label".

Bitch, I don't care about either of those, I don't care what people think of me, I care what I think of me, and autistic is not a slur, contrary to what people in this country seem to think! I just want to understand myself and my own struggles, and whenever I get harassed for being different I want to be able to defend myself with this knowledge.

For fucks sake, just test me and show some support!

I stg the doctors in this country are so scared of the word "autism", it's insulting.

[saintirulan]

1, 11, 21, 30 <3

hiiiii not me replying 3 weeks later im so sorry 💀 life has been lifeing but i still love these so thank you for asking <33

(these are from identity asks uenwuwh)

1. if someone wanted to really understand you, what would they read, watch, and listen to?

this one is such a nice & complicated question!! submitting to the mortifying ordeal of being known etc etc <3 so difficult to narrow it down, but here goes!! as far as reading, i think the book that made me feel the most Seen™️ would be the lonely city by olivia laing; there is just something about the way she writes on loneliness and being misunderstood that really speaks to me. also!! my favourite poem is the love song of j. alfred prufrock <33 as far as watching goes i'd definetely name the banshees of inisherin and decision to leave for movies (2022 was a crazy year for me lol) and succession and arcane for series (fucked up siblings & complicated dad stuff my beloveds). also don't read too much into the similarities between these i swear im normal and have never been hurt in my life <3. and for listening, definetely to be loved by aurora. i can't talk about these lyrics ever. also what could have been by sting!

11. describe your ideal day.

sooo i'm not really sure i have an ideal day? my life has been kind of hectic, given the semester abroad, which is not exactly ordinary life, and also ordinary life will look different once i go back anyways. i would say an ideal day has to start with my usual coffee au lait, and then it would ideally include seeing and talking to the people i love, taking my dog out on a walk and explore/learn something. <3

30. pick one of your favourite quotes.

i have so many aaaa since i've been back in my dragon age feelings, i think i'll whip out one of my favourite quotes from inquisition (surprisingly not related to solas/solavellan). it's actually by dorian, another very very very beloved character <3 "my father never understood. living a lie… it festers inside you like poison. you have to fight for what’s in your heart." 💚

21. do you love easily?

putting this one under a read more because it got kinda long and a tiny bit depressing lol (& also because honestly i shouldn't still be dwelling so much on this, god knows its undeserved but alas lol)

a complicated question at a complicated time, i fear. if i had to answer without elaborating i would say no, kind of. i never had any sort of healthy love around me, & some traumatic things happened to me as a result, so i don't really feel too comfortable being vulnerable unless i know that i'm safe and the relationship is somewhat stable & enduring. i do try to be as kind, understanding and caring to anyone, no matter how close i am to them, but it has always taken me a long time to trust people and to open up and to really grow close to them. once i do, i'm loyal to a fault and very very very loving & caring & with a tendency to go above and beyond to spoil & look after people. but again, this question comes at a time where i'm pretty disillusioned with all of it, because i've been hurt immensely sort of recently, and a huge part of the hurt was that any kind & loving gesture of mine was turned into something so ugly and far from the truth, to such an extreme that honestly sometimes i feel very jaded and find myself thinking that it's just not worth it anymore. to think that you can want the absolute best for someone & try to make them happy as much as possible only for it to just... be so uglily misconstrued and thrown aside like nothing and not mean a thing to the other person is just something i wouldn't easily wish on anyone else, especially if they already have trouble with being seen. thankfully i've really worked on not closing off to new people & asking for support & so met amazing loving people since then, who in such a little time have helped me immensely - but underneath it all, sometimes i wonder if i'm damaged beyond repair. (which sounds very dramatic but it is what it is 😵‍💫)

[averageartistamber]

My Thoughts on the FNAF Movie (Will Contain Spoilers)

Managed to watch the movie last night, and I gotta say, despite being someone who's not a fan of horror movies, I really enjoyed it. Though a massive part of that enjoyment is of course being a huge FNAF fan and that I have a huge soft spot for practical effects.

Okay, so the first thing I wanna say is that I appreciate how the movies seems to be it's own separate continuity from the games and books (although it does heavily reference both), and if we get the sequels, it'll probably be the most coherent version of the story.

Honestly, I think the movie's probably a decent place for a newcomer to start (albeit if they are made aware of there being differences between it and the games). I do feel like modern FNAF is starting to get a bit overwhelming for non-fans, since there seems to be this expectation withing the fandom that everyone is up-to-date with the "lore" as it drops in real time. This is already a lot for someone coming in, and with the ever-growing reliance on the spin off books to give contextual information, things feel like they're complicated...kinda for the sake of being complicated?

So, yeah, I really appreciate that they made the movie's plot followable, while still throwing in a lot of background details for long time fans and lore nuts.

Now, I could make a whole comment on the people saying it's not "scary enough", but honestly, I think they pretty much got the right level of "scary", considering the source material. Like, people are talking about the scare factor and lack of gore as if their aren't several pretty violent deaths that are at least partially onscreen (and in my opinion, the "censorship" makes some of them more effective. The dude who gets locked in the room with Bonnie comes to mind).

I think the "scare/gore dissonance" is coming from a lot of the fan-made content that's been hanging around the internet, and people wanting the canon material to be "like that", then being disappointed when they're reminded that it isn't.

The third thing I really appreciate is how the animatronics are portrayed. Despite common criticism, I think that seeing them alternate between violent and childlike actually makes them more unnerving. Like, in all the scenes where they hang out with Abby, first, it reminds you that they're children, and probably just wanna do, like, kid stuff, and the Fort scene was great for that.

At the same time, I was kinda waiting the whole time for them to turn malicious again any second. This very much applies in hindsight when Mike realises that the kids want to kill Abby so she'll stay with them forever, which casts a lot of their "nice" scenes in a much darker light (though still a very tragic one).

Wonder what'll happen to them now they're (probably) free from Williams control. (Unless Goldie Kid usurps the leader position. Unlike the others, I feel like he's more genuinely malevolent).

Also, Vanessa was done so dirty in the games, so I'm really happy that she has a major role in the story, and I think making her subservient to William via "mundane" means rather then supernatural brainwashing is a better take on both Vanessa and Williams characterisations. Makes him way scarier in my opinion.

Also having Mr. Cupcake be an absolute menace AND the one that finishes off Willy is freaking hilarious (ironically so if you follow the theory from the games that Chica was one of his earlier victims.)

Uh, yeah, I've said quite a lot. I might come back with maybe a theory or two on what the sequels could entail. So, I'll see you all again soon, thanks for reading. :)

[shopcat]

i think pb's most "unfavourable" episode that most people cite as a reason for her being a horrible person is usually the cooler which is interesting to me bc i think a key part of that episode is it's meant to be complicated and flame princess is meant to be there as a deliberate figurehead of this tumultuous kingdom but ultimately being sort of brash 15 year old girl under a lot of pressure as well who doesn't really know what to do. and in contrast pb is a 800 year old ruler and creator of her own kingdom. it is not a filler episode meant to showcase someone's villainry it is a deliberate and thought out narrative to showcase something significant. and it's meant to SHOW how unaware pb is and how far she will go to protect her kingdom against what she perceives as a threat (which is an entirely founded thing as well ... fp's brother wants to literally destroy the candy kingdom + fp herself obviously wouldn't but pb knows she is again a brash teenager doing HER best as well + the implication of the fire giants being used is that they'll create a "new" flame kingdom which COULD very well threaten other kingdoms) and the end of the episode is also meant to show that she's not TRYING to be unreasonable.

like her turning off the cameras she used to monitor people once and for all is significant and the following episode she literally says she's trying to calm down and not be such a control freak. she exhibits this character growth and SHOWCASES it IN SHOW and people who don't understand that are head in the sand style stupid and genuinely i think want to feel sooo smart for being like "everyone knows the REAL villain of adventure time was princess bubblegum" but they just sound like silly. bc she's not that's the entire point. you don't have to like everything she's ever done or said without being like that + you don't have to like her at ALL without taking it out on parts of the show's narrative that you clearly just don't understand. it's okay :)

pb is a deeply complex character who raised herself and was alone for years. she never had anyone TO teach and help her and the one time she did attempt to create a family they literally tried to murder her. she taught herself everything she knows and knew from that that she has to rely on herself and what she can create and has done so for 800 years bc she never had anything else, and she has a deep unwavering LOVE for her kingdom who she regards as her true family. the banana guards literally call her mom. literally all she wants to ever do is protect them and her acknowledging her own need to be in control and overcoming it is LITERALLY a part of her narrative arc that goes hand in hand with her breakup and getting back together with marceline !!! she is incredibly literal and analytical and thinks the answer to everything is science and can be carefully calculated and relied on unlike other people or magic or whatever else that comes up against it and that is PART of her character as a realistic bedding and foundation. time and again this comes up and she is working through and around it and OTHER PEOPLE are also seeing her side of things and what she perceives and they're coming to a healthy medium that is !!! the point !!!

i think people willingly bending over backwards to acknowledge the complexity of say simon's story but REFUSING to even say the words "maybe pb is just a complex character but she's not a villain OR evil" without frothing at the mouth is fucking weird. i think you just literally hate women sorry like. i've seen people literally acuse her of being a replacement/robot in the earlier seasons because she was so sweet like 😭 that's insane. she is a deeply nice sweet person she is literally made of candy... there's a point to that too. her being kind of silly at times either doesn't contradict her intelligence or aptitude to rule in such an unbridgeable way that it must therefore be "manipulation" or just someone entirely different PLEASE...

also ppl who say she's creepy/cold/robotic/scary or some variation of that bc of the way she speaks and reacts to things in episodes is insane and ultimately a cruel way of thinking even if you didn't think she was like autistically coded deliberately or not. someone exhibiting certain traits and acting in a certain way should never be "proof" of their secretly horrible nature if the proof you're using is steeped in ableist sentiment. i think her unwavering faith in science is really cool and i think a character being able to frustrate you a little is also cool and i still love her deeply. adventure time is cool bc the characters do feel and act like real people and us reacting to that is natural + the entire foundation of what it is to experience a story. :)