#not to be cringe but i ended up joining the people on my course today when our lecturer didn't show and one girl was getting on with work

[immortalsins]

self-isolation during times of stress is pretty bad actually shame it took me 2 years of uni to realise this

[corollaservant]

Night in the Net // Shigaraki x f! reader (18+)

Synopsis: You find yourself stranded in one hell of a sexist environment: the small town's internet café. Shigaraki's on the night shift. (3.6k)

Warnings: sex with Shiggy basically, mild degradation and misogyny from our fav incel, dom!Shiggy with a twist (no quirk obviously), use of “dollface” (i like it)

A/N: No dark themes here, peace n luv. Also.. yeah he is always linked to some gaming/electronic business ik!! but I like the trope/hc/almost canon.

You'd never imagine this was how your night would end.

Why are you there again? Right, your friends wanted to go to that after party, as if the club wasn't enough. What was supposed to be a night out ended up with you in the local internet café (the only after hours spot) while your friends decided to go to a house party with loud techno music, which definitely wasn’t your vibe. You and your friends lived close and would often call a taxi on your way home, money wasn’t enough for you to ride solo today though—you prayed in times like these that you at least had a job; you wouldn’t have to rely on anyone then. 

You knew pretty much everyone there, it’s not like the town had more than ten thousand residents and considering the age group and schools you’d all gone to, the internet café only had a few unknown members. On today’s shift was none other than Tomura of course, that guy was taking up as many shifts as his body would allow him to, apparently there was this rumor a family member was in crucial condition and they were in need. Tomura Shigaraki was one of these people you had branded as incel. Though hardworking (he kept a house of his own, cleaning and doing all chores by himself while providing for whomever he had), you still considered the guy as one. Now—you know the term is heavy, matter of fact, quite offending and serious as an allegation but it’s not like there weren’t rumors. Rumors he’d bash women and call them prostitutes, try to sleep with girls and trash them to his friends a day later, hating them for anything they did and claiming true love didn’t exist nowadays because “all women are sluts, who need money and validation.” Plus, he worked at the local internet café (should be enough reason), engaging in heated conversations with his friends and fellow streamers. God, one look in their chats and you'd get as violent as possible— (not much, you'd discovered it the hard way). Thus, it was no surprise that when you enter the place, you hear whispers and scoffs.

‘’The hell are you doing here?’’ A voice was heard from within, the café had the computer screens up front, a bar and a couch with TV in the back. Tomura was occupied in the designated bar the place had (you often wondered what kind of needs these people had—all they ever consumed was energy drinks and pre-packaged meals, takeouts were for reasons of competitive market prohibited).

‘’Just dropping by for a couple of hours, will leave soon.’’ You sigh as you take a seat on the couch, not bothering to talk to anyone, it wasn’t like they cared anyway. Loud noise and laughter can be heard all around, a couple of guys swearing and some younger boys excitedly standing above their screens. The store had a 16+ policy, but of course, no one ever checked so kids could practically stare unattended. Tomura also encouraged younger boys to play, such a piece of shit, you think, getting them to learn young. 

‘’Oh my fucking God, a slut just joined!’’ You hear some guy swear, presumably because a girl joined their online server. These guys were so disgusting, you cringe, it was no wonder they were celibate without wanting it. You stand up, you need to kill some time and you're feeling bored, you think about starting a fight with Tomura, how else could you have a little bit of fun?

You weren’t ever necessarily afraid of the guy, even though you had to admit, he looked intimidating. Quite tall with a pale complexion, ashy, dull hair and scars across his face; no one actually knew much about him and whether he was troubled, it’s not like he ever showed to work beaten up or high and usually kept a low profile. The only frightening thing this man had was his smile, it terrified you sometimes as it looked downright evil. 

‘’Getting them to learn young, huh?’’ You ask him, he’s washing up some cups from the previous round of gross gaming guys, who have now left.

‘’What?’’ He responds, not bothering to look up. 

‘’How to not get women, I mean.’’ You sigh as he huffs in annoyance.

‘’You should be grateful I let a female in my store in the first place.’’ He retorts, but doesn’t seem very angry, just ironic. Usual.

My store (you decide to skip over 'female') sounds funny but you choose not to comment on it. 

‘’So how long until you guys close?’’ You don't bother with the vocabulary—it’s routine at this point. It also never ends well and you had a great night so far, why ruin it now?

‘’Two hours.’’ 

‘’Mind if I sit on the couch? I’ll be quiet I promise’’ You ask—technically beg, as you see no other options.

‘’Ugh.. yeah I mind. There’s some guys wanting to use it, I have a group for GTA on the PS5.’’

‘’Seriously? People still play that?’’ You whine but force yourself to continue.

 ‘’Can I sit with you then?’’ It takes strength—but you say it regardless. You came to terms with the fact he was your last resort minutes ago.

‘’Sure. But you need to make yourself useful. Here, take this.’’ He hands you a wet sponge, ‘’Wash these up... carefully, while I go clean the floors.’’ He orders, as if you’re part of the staff (and new on the job apparently.)

‘’Do you actually want me to wash freaking dishes? I just came here to chill, I don’t even bother anyone!’’ You start feeling annoyed with the chores, you aren’t 16 and he isn’t your mom.

‘’You can always leave.’’ The running tap stops and he turns to you, practically shoving the wet gloves on your chest. 

‘’Or...you can stop being a brat and be of use during your stay, I have two hours left.’’ He smiles, that same smile that makes your skin crawl and blood boil as he moves away.

‘’Fuck! My dress, you asshole!’’ A wet patch now covers the too short dress as you glance at the time on your phone. 

Two hours. Two hours until your friends leave and he closes up anyway.

-

Tomura was at least true to his words. Within two insufferable hours of having to listen to appalling conversations between men (hardly to be considered as such), plate washing and the toilet being constantly occupied, the last customers get up to leave. 

You dry your hands and plop down the couch exhausted.

‘’Finally.’’ You exhale checking your phone, your friends hadn’t given you any life signs in the meantime, so you decide to patiently wait, they’d message eventually. Tomura is done sweeping the nasty floors from crumbs and dried Monster remnants, which he still has to mop (for the fourth time, you note and you've only been there some hours). You notice how restless he seems—the guy has been running the whole night after ignorant customers, who had not once shown basic respect for the order of the place yet never complained. Truly a shame he has such a misogynistic mindset, you think. He could get women, if he wanted to. 

It’s around 6:30 AM, when he presses a button to close the store's roll-up shutters halfway. Small light outside makes its way in but the place is still relatively dark, as he places the mop near the wall and takes a seat next to you.

‘’Fuuck, I’m so tired.’’ He sighs, making sure to spread his legs on the couch as much as he can, not caring (of course) about you also sitting on it. 

You always branded Tomura as an incel, that you knew about. But despite that, you now can’t help but feel for him, not knowing much about him at the same time. Sure, he technically isn’t the nicest guy but a look around would show you that he tries enough for a job kicking his ass. You find yourself sympathizing with a man, whose ideals you hate and try to brush these thoughts off.

‘’And why the fuck am I an incel anyway?’’ He asks, his head rests on the couch and his eyes are closed, he is scrunching severely—almost threatening to fall down. And he manspreads. A lot.

‘’W-well– I..’’ You never thought he’d caught on to that, stammering to stand your ground as you continue. ‘’Well, there have been rumors about you.’’ You say, but it doesn’t come off as confident as you’d hoped for. You also realize, it sounds kind of stupid.

‘’Reaaally? And you made sure to believe them, right?’’ His tone’s laced with irony but the way he talks like he whispers in a raspy voice doesn't annoy you anymore. It makes you more... uncomfortable? On the edge? Excited?...what?

‘’It’s not like you don’t claim it yourself.’’ You retort, finally finding some courage. You notice him looking at you as you awkwardly shuffle in your seat.

‘’All I’ve ever said was that I think women are good for nothing. And I still believe that, but I wouldn’t waste more of my time on that.’’ The statement makes you roll your eyes.

‘’How can you generalize a whole group of people, who are literally in no way inferior to you, you can’t tell me you’ve tried—’’ 

‘’Listen dollface, unless you want to change my mind there’s no reason to fuss that much, my opinion won’t change.’’

Unless you want to change my mind?

‘’I-I don’t.’’ You stammer, because the answer and pet name (dollface??) takes you by surprise and he laughs.

‘’Relax, you branded me an incel.’’ He jokes, ‘’don’t want the rape allegations on me too.’’ 

The more he talks, the more your mind races and you curse yourself. He seems..funny? He has a mole under his lips—fuck, it looks cute...He also looks good so (stupid as it is, yes!) you silently want his attention. Why can’t he just look you in the eyes more?

This is so wrong. He must've noticed your lost gaze as he speaks up.

‘’Wanna watch a movie?’’ He proposes and you nod, anything is better than the silence hanging in the air. Silence you caused. For thinking... things about him. 

Of course Tomura ends up choosing the most depressing film anyone can possibly watch in an internet café at 6 AM, Fallen Angels, and the dramatic cuts make it hard for you to concentrate. He at a certain point leans closer to you but you justify it, how else would he be able to see?

During this one scene, the woman pleasured herself with her legs closed, rubbing together and that’s when you feel a soft hand touch on your thigh. The dress you wore rode up, because your legs rested on the table ahead so it gave him the space he needed. The movement made you tingle and your core involuntarily contracted. The smooth fingers teasingly trailed up and down your leg, from your knees to your inner thighs. You didn’t want to look at him—he was too close and the scene seemed endless. But…he went on about it as if nothing was happening. 

Without saying a word, he carried on. A pad of his finger tip dangerously close to your now heated entrance, the images flashing before your eyes lewd, his hand tempting and threatening to reach your already soaked cunt—all this while the two of you hadn’t even shared a kiss. But he doesn't stop, looking ahead and acting like everything’s fine, until he touches your lower lips and you hiss, his finger traces the wet spot over your underwear while you try to move and speak up. 

‘’W–what are y—’’

‘’Shh..’’ is all he says. 

You want to tell him no. But no to what? You like the feeling of his two fingers against your folds. His palm moves your panties to the side and he stuffs them inside—they dampen from the fluids. How is he that quick? You can’t form a response but you’re about to ask him why—

‘’All that and I haven’t even kissed you.’’ He murmurs, gaze still fixated on the television ahead as you moan, when he slowly pumps them within your walls. Fuck, are you turned on by this?

‘’P-please..’’ You whisper, turning to look at him and for the first time, his eyes are removed from the stupid TV, a sly smile on his features as he tears away his hand.

‘’What is it? Want the incel to kiss you? Maybe even fuck you to prove a point?’’ He says and you frown.

‘’I—no, I have to go.’’ You get up, fixing (lowering) your dress—you have nowhere to go but you’ll figure it out eventually. You think staying longer only plays into his cruel intentions and whilst you can’t deny the pleasure he could give you, your pride’s in the way.

‘’You’re not going anywhere.’’ A wet hand clasps around your wrist and brings you on his lap, as he grins; you seem confused at the sensation. You are hiding the TV screen but he couldn't care less, he never paid attention to the movie.

‘’Feel the stain you left, too?’’ He says as he brings your face closer with the sticky palm grabbing you by the hair. You softly moan, noticing the small mole up close and feeling a bulge poke where your bodies meet. You sway your hips in a silent effort to have him initiate a kiss, you feel desperate and curse yourself again internally. He can only smile.

(You were so clueless, walking around in that slutty dress earlier—making him hard like that, did you even know it?)

He’s quick to kiss you, eager for more already, as mouths clash, teeth collide, the need you both have exceeds proper manners. You sloppily grind against him, the friction from a long outline beneath you makes it hard to think.

‘’I’m guessing, you’re really fucking the incel then.’’ He half smirks as he grabs you and repositions you to sit on his now fully hard cock that throbs in his pants; he lifts your dress above your ass and guides your hips sluggishly back and forth—he’s tormenting you and he enjoys it to the fullest.

‘’T-tomura..p-please.’’ You whine, the urge to have him inside you makes you blabber.

‘’Please what?’’ He slides a hand behind your waist, lowering it to find your slit from behind, his fingers pet your cunt and you moan. Loudly. He is tugging at your panties, the fabric annoys him and he wants full access and the words. The words to prove his point.

‘’P–please...fuck me already!’’ You breathe out and he groans to the sound of your voice. 

The ironic remark he prepared evaporates as he quickly pushes you back, just enough to not fall off his lap and quickly unzips his pants, thanking god for not wearing a belt. 

His pants and underwear are sloppily moved down his knees, as his cock jumps with a pop on his lower abdomen, stiff with a weeping tip. Pretty veins throb around it as your eyes widen.

Shit, he’s big, can you take him?

‘’I’d ask for a nice blowjob, dollface, but wouldn’t want the feminists after me.’’ He says as he brings you close, kissing you yet again, a string of spit runs down your jaw, as your hands roam his tangled, uncombed hair. 

He positions you on his cock, one hand snakes around your waist while the other one clings to the back of your scalp and you’re swiftly lifted by the head and pushed down on him, as you let out a scream.

‘’Shut the fuck up.’’ He hisses, quickly looking around, the sensation from almost his whole length makes you tremble, he feels too full, too painful...too good.

‘’Shit, c’mon now you got this.’’ He encourages as you hesitantly move up and down his cock, gripping his shoulders and looking at him; he seems more concentrated on the sensation than your body, staring at you while you wrap around his length.

‘’Fuck...dollface, this too much for ya?’’ He tries not to grunt and you give your best not to cry, each moment that goes by turning the initial pain to pleasure—your cunt adjusts slowly and bit by bit to his girth. 

‘’T-tomura... y-yes..it’s too much!’’ You whine, sweat forms in your forehead as his hand finds your swollen clit and circles it while your nails dig deeper in his shirt.

‘’You can take it.’’ He says, he feels you squeezing him in, you bounce with dedication on his legs, making the couch squeak as if on some sex tape—you want to bring yourself even closer. So nasty, aren't you? Acting righteous, only to fuck yourself on his cock like a desperate whore.

‘’I-ugh-p-please..’’ You try to speak but he secures his hand around your torso and sinks (lower than before) down the couch. Two strong hands force you to stay still in the air while he drills himself into you at a steady pace, kind of sloppily too. Both of you moan, the position gives equal pleasure, your clit bumps on his groin and his cock reaches your g-spot with ease.

‘’S–Shit, you’re squeezing way too much, haven’t you been fucked like this before?’’ He sounds annoyed but the stammer in his voice betrays him.

Not like this, you want to say but can’t really speak the words. Your weight falls entirely on him, he doesn’t mind one bit—he loves it actually, this skin on skin contact as he guides you on his cock, it feels surreal. He hits soft and spongy spots inside while you slowly fall apart. 

‘’T-Tomura right there..I ugh—I'm close!’’ The sensation overwhelms you, his eyes are still fixated on your face, yeah I can tell, he thinks. He gets off on your desperation, mouth parted all for him? Your eyes threaten to spill by the way he tears apart your cunt and morals bit by bit.. it’s–

‘’Tomura, aren't you closing yet?’’ Someone asks from outside, interrupting the moment. The shutters only reveal a pair of shoes. 

‘’Yeah, I’m on it.’’ Shigaraki stops composed, cockwarming you in a funny way, while a hand, his hand covers your mouth. Your eyes widen as slick trickles down his thighs in silence.

‘’Alright, see you then.’’ The man leaves and he cusses him out. (''Cunt.'')

‘’We’re not done.’’ He turns his attention back to you and seizes your face, bringing your mouth closer.

‘’Open up.’’ He orders and you do, clenching around him in anticipation.

He spits in it and closes the gap with his index finger. 

‘’Swallow or I won’t continue.’’ You quickly gulp down.

‘’So obedient all of a sudden, aren't you?’’ Sarcasm evident as he gives your ass a solid hit, before starting to get back on his pace, only more rough this time, he longs for your release on him. You’re moving up and down his length, trying to grab anything accessible really, his hair, the back of the couch, under his shirt and you feel your orgasm resurface stronger; the delay highlighted all of your senses.

‘’T-Tomura—’’ You shudder, as his cock hits your g-spot expertly–fuck, this guy wasn't some incel–and your swollen clit has to brush one last time past his groin before you feel an overwhelming orgasm take over. You clamp down his length and moan embarrassingly (Fuck Tomura! I–I'm...too good!) This time he lets you, he needs to hear this.

‘’Fuuck—agh, look at you dollface.’’ He hums, a feminist creaming herself on my cock, he wants to add but it’s too many words and you just came so he wastes no time. He brings your neck close to his mouth and bites on it, teeth sink into your flesh and hands force you all the way down. His cum spills inside and he groans, trying to stifle his moans by biting down the sensitive skin even harder. 

And fuck if that isn’t hot.

He keeps you on him, arms fasten around your waist with cum dripping onto his lowered pants but neither of you bother to care; ragged breaths and the sounds of the film still playing are audible as more light enters through the rolled shutters.

God must’ve been on your side that day because a message appears on your screen moments after you both wordlessly got up and cleaned yourselves in the bathroom. Tomura would have to clean again, you think, as the message on your phone signals your time to leave.

You turn to look at him, he has removed his shirt and small nail scratches decorate his pale back and you..smile. What the hell? Was this..? Oh no—You try to find an appropriate goodbye.

See you soon? Thanks for the mind blowing dick? You aren’t the incel I thought you were? Everything seems embarrassing at present time. 

‘’I-I’ll be seeing you soon.’’ You opt for that, stupid as it is, you still look at him in anticipation. He turns to you, hands on the mop cleaning near the couch and nods. 

Great, you think, that was a disaster. You defeatedly walk (actually stoop to get past the almost closed door) feeling like a hooker after a client, miserable and kind of used. This is always the worst part. 

You feel an arm touch your shoulder, you’ve only taken a few steps in the daylight.

‘’Take this in case you revoke your incel statement.’’

Tomura hands you a piece of paper and quickly disappears behind the store’s shadows.

[yandere-sins]

A Camgirl's Happiness

a/n: To be fair, I know very little about actually streaming or cammodeling, and it's not as easy to read up on, so take my descriptions with a grain of salt. Also, I know that most people doing that job are really into it and I'm very happy for them, but I needed the drama for the story, hope you can understand! I hope you guys enjoy it regardless, it was fun to write!

Warnings: Yandere, Sexual Content (Reader is a camgirl, mentioning of stripping, fulfilling sexual favors for viewers), Fem!Reader, Life struggles (Debts, Mental health problems), Mention of stalking, Obsessive Behavior

You knew exactly what you were doing, pulling your legs up on your chair, squeezing your breasts just a bit more prominently towards the camera.

Ding! Ding! Ding!

"Hi SweetsMaster! Longtime no read! We're just talking today, but I'm so glad you made it to the stream!"

Ding! Ding!

Smiling, you watched the crushing waves of messages, your fanbase as active as ever as they flooded you with their adoration. Even when you had an image to uphold, you couldn't help but be pampered by their compliments, giggling and telling them to stop calling you adorable and their "dream girl".

Still, you played along to their fantasies, hid your face behind your palm coyly, and kept them believing that you were this cute internet star they loved so much. Life was hard, but getting an end to your means barely needed more than an hour or two talking about all the cute things you'd do if you had one of these lonely, unhappy people behind the screen as your partner. You didn't complain that they invested their savings into spending time with you instead of therapy.

Not like you ever considered going to therapy yourself, too ashamed of the truths you'd have to share.

You sighed inwardly, forcing yourself to smile a bit more convincingly at the camera as you took a sip of water, letting some drops fall into your cleavage. "Oopsie!" you giggled, forced to appear bashful, hoping no one clipped that. But what were you thinking? Of course, they did.

"Stop that, guys! How embarrassing! People will think I can't even drink!"

Sometimes you didn't recognize your own voice as you put on a show. The pitch was too high, your words made you cringe. As if you were in a sketch, rather than a life performance. You quickly wiped away the droplets sitting on top of your skin, threatening to run down the curve of your breasts as many of your viewers hoped before continuing to chat with the rapidly growing crowd. Being a camgirl had been fun once—unforced.

When you started doing it, you enjoyed the time with every new follower you got. Some were creeps, but some were genuinely nice people who paid you to do things you enjoyed. You didn't feel strange being yourself back then; people supported you just as you were. Taking off your clothes and doing favors was a fun little side hustle to get you through college. You didn't plan on doing this forever.

But even with your degree, your real job, and all the possibilities you had now, you couldn't stop streaming. You tried countless of times! But every time you said goodbye for good, your life was thrown into chaos, your bills left unpaid. You lost your job, lost your home, lost all the friends that couldn't watch your life being ruined.

And now, you were tired. So, so tired.

You got back on your feet, thanks to streaming. You found a new job, a new home. More and more people joined your shows; they bought you gifts and sent you money. Even if there was no one to share your earnings with, at least you didn't have to worry about your debts anymore. You'd stream after work, on the weekends, vacations. You organized photoshoots and sold your pictures and merch on the side, even though no one ever wanted to get hired by you to help with all the packaging and work it took.

> you're nothing like you were when you first started

Someone typed in chat, and your fake voice began to crack as you read it out loud. Quickly, you composed yourself, but it stung.

"Yeah, well, aren't we all someone different than, let's say, three years ago? I've grown a lot as a person since I first started! And thanks to you guys, I was able to afford better equipment, too!"

Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

You laughed at the incoming donations, forming a heart with your hands as you thanked your patrons. "That's going to be a new mic soon!"

> that's not what i meant

The same person from before wrote into the chat, their name—DarlingLover—highlighted in baby pink, revealing they were a superfan. You couldn't ignore them, even though you wished nothing more than for this conversation to end.

> you looked much happier back then

"That's not true!" you chimed up, using all your strength to press down the tears you felt shooting into your eyes. It was bittersweet to be seen in this industry. To not be objectified and idolized, but to have someone truly notice the person behind the on-camera persona.

"I love hanging out with you guys! I made so many new friends, and I'm grateful for all the support and love you guys have shown me! I would never have had the chance otherwise!"

Blowing some kisses towards the camera, your donations went wild, reassuring you that your cover hadn't been blown. You had to keep yourself together, you couldn't risk one perceptive fan to showcase how miserable you were. But perhaps you had to take it as a sign. A sign that it was enough for today. You needed to eat something, and the clock on your monitor—10:47 pm—reminded you that you skipped dinner long enough. And once you had some substance, you'd need the five hours of sleep before you'd have to drag yourself out of bed and to your real work.

"Okay, guys, that's it for tonight! Thank you all for joining our talking stream! I hope you had as much fun as I did!"

Slipping your hand beneath the spaghetti strap of your tank, you pushed it off your shoulder teasingly. "And just as a little reminder," you mumbled seductively, winking at your audience. "Join us tomorrow for a very fun night!"

Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

You grinned cheekily, waving at the people and blowing them a few more kisses while the donations kept pinging in. Just two more clicks and you had closed the stream, watching it on your second monitor to see if your 'stream ended' notice got displayed properly. The animation had been damn expensive, and you wanted to use it to its fullest until it would be too outdated that you needed a new one.

Watching it for a while, you noticed that amongst the countless messages notifying you that someone left the stream, a few people still had a very eager conversation even after it ended. Immediately, the baby pink name of the superfan who had chatted with you before stood out, the user vehemently defending their standpoint against some newer fans. You clicked their names and checked them out, seeing the varying times from a few months to a few days of subscription to you, as well as the very sparse donation they made.

> i've been here longer, i'd know if she was truly happy

DarlingLover wrote, and you gulped, feeling the anxiety brewing inside your stomach. You couldn't believe they'd go out of their way to try and pull others on their side. Were they trying to ruin your career on purpose?

>> what an idiot lol >> srsly she wouldn't do it if she didn't want to >> yeah what the hell lol

A sigh of relief escaped you, seeing how the others didn't believe DarlingLover. Once again, your reputation was upheld even if it might cost you this superfan. It was expected in this industry to lose and gain followers. Some could withstand changes with their devotion, and others couldn't. You watched as the number of current visitors to your stream continued to drop relentlessly, the sight calming your mind.

You should have gotten up and made dinner, hit the hay before you could pity yourself any more than you had all evening. Your mood was already down the drain, but you were too exhausted to get up, thinking of just dropping into bed and sleeping until morning instead of doing anything else. You couldn't afford to not care for yourself, but it all felt so meaningless.

> Darling, you there?

A stray message popping up in chat caught your attention. You had three more visitors. Two must have just left it open on the side, but the third one was still chatting. With who? you wondered, waiting for someone to respond. But no one answered, DarlingLover, and a whole minute passed by.

> if you read this, can you message me privately? i want to book a private session

You inhaled deeply.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck," you groaned, letting your head fall back against the gaming chair you had bought for your desktop setup. Pink and cute and so expensive. Private Sessions were the only reason you could afford a 500$ chair in the first place. But you really, really didn't want to. Really didn't want to entertain someone who had ruined your evening enough.

Click.

< Hi! :) You wanted a private session? Thank you so much, I look forward to it! Do you have a date in mind? I'll check with my bookings, but I'm sure we can find some time this week!

Yes, you hated yourself. But this user was a superfan, and you never let anyone down before. For the right price, you could do anything—or so you told yourself repeatedly. Trying to make yourself believe you could do it, burned out and exhausted as you were. It was just one more private session; you'd get through it, just like you always had.

> i've noticed how unhappy you are lately. you don't smile like you used to, don't tell us about what is happening in your life. you're like a pretty doll that sits and entertains us out of habit. i hate it. i want the real you back

That again. You scowled at the screen, your stomach grumbling in agreement (and hunger). "What do you even say to that?" you mumbled into the silence surrounding you. It was pitiful that you still lived in the same two-room flat since college, all your money going into debt and equipment rather than buying nice things for yourself. It made the dark, quiet loneliness so much more derisive. It was your life, but even so you could do nothing but entertain others to live in a way you didn't want to. You were so lost, your whole life purpose seemingly meaningless as the streams and viewers demanded more and more from you.

< I'm sorry you feel that way! :( I'm always trying my best to be myself and kind. I hope it didn't seem like I'm just faking it for the others! Please give me a chance to prove that I'm still me, and I'll do my best to meet your expectations!

Tears stung in your eyes as you typed out the words. You didn't want to grovel or apologize for how the world had ruined you. You couldn't push the blame on everyone else forever, but you truly felt wronged by your own life. Apologizing for being forced into a role you didn't want to have was way worse than when you made an actual mistake, but if you wanted to keep up the image, it was what you had to do.

> it's okay. i know you work so hard, i'm so proud of you for that

Your supporter's sudden shift in attitude made you lean back in your chair, your breath escaping you as you felt the tension being lifted. Perhaps he wasn't as weird as you assumed by his insistence on ruining the little composure you had in your stream. Maybe he was truly just concerned for you.

> that's why i'm going to help you!

Raising an eyebrow, you couldn't help but cringe. Nothing good ever came from someone saying they would "help" you. They were merely justifying themselves for wanting something unhinged from you, mostly something you weren't comfortable with. You relented to them in the past, but did you really have to put up with it still?

< Thank you so much for giving me a chance! ♥ Have you decided on a day then for our session?

> tomorrow night, 8pm, hotel loveline. i'll book the room, just mention my name to the receptionist, and they'll give you a key

You felt all goodwill shatter into a million pieces as you read the line. Bringing your hands to your face, you rubbed over the wrinkles and tension you held in the grimace of an expression you were making, wishing you could just drop the conversation and go to bed. It wasn't the first time someone asked to meet up personally. You had never done it before and wouldn't break your boundary for that guy now.

< I'm so sorry, but I don't do personal meet-ups! If you want a private cam session, please let me know, and I will arrange it! :)

"Please, god, let him get the hint," you prayed under your breath, but you should have known better. He was a persistent one.

> i'll make sure you gain thrice the followers than you do in one month just from our collaboration. surely people will send lots of donations, too. the only thing i want is you, natural, real. mine for the night

"Flattery will get you nowhere, Mister," you grumbled, slowly getting angry at this guy. Why did he lie through his teeth? How in the world would someone get you thrice the subscribers from a private session? Why make big promises that were impossible to keep? And he was paying for it, so there would be no donations for you. But even so, with your teeth grinding in frustration, you typed out the nicest rejection you possibly could.

< Sorry, but I'm really not comfortable with personal meet-ups! And charging you for a whole night also makes me feel bad; my rates aren't cheap, after all. It wouldn't be fair to you. Let me know if you are still interested in a cam session, I'll give you a discount since you've been a fan for so long! :) ♥

There was an eery silence in the chatroom, and you glimpsed towards the bathroom, wondering if you had time to get ready for bed until he replied. Ultimately, you decided to wait it out, just to be polite, while you scolded yourself for offering a discount. This interaction alone should have warranted an extra charge on top of your regular rates.

> you like your current day job, don't you?

This statement caught you off-guard. You hadn't spoken much about your new employment on stream, not wanting to bore your viewers with such trivial things when they were there to be entertained.

> wouldn't you be sad if you were fired again?

"What do you mean?" you typed back, the confusion growing.

> i take good care of my darling, and you'll enjoy what i have prepared for you. if you can no longer pretend to be happy, i will help you find that happiness again, help you choose the right path

< you scare me

You typed the words before thinking them through. This was the real you, not the persona he knew and wanted to see, and she just messed up big time.

< I'm sorry, I meant to say your comments can be interpreted weirdly, and it's a little scary to read them right now. I'd still be up for the cam session if you're interested, though?

Anything, you thought, anything to stop him from saying more weird shit.

Does he... does he know you? You pondered the thought for a while. Trying to find a weird interaction you might have had before in your real life. One where someone spoke to you like he did. But you couldn't recall it. How did you know about your job though? Was he perhaps a colleague? But even they knew very little of you, and definitely not about your other job.

"Do I know you?" you asked when he didn't reply anytime quick.

Immediately, you regretted showing vulnerability in front of this stranger. From the moment he joined your stream, DarlingLover had seen through your charades, the online persona you had kept up so carefully. They were laying you bare in an uncomfortable, personal way. You've always been so careful with information about your personal life, keeping all your stories vague and unidentifiable, never naming brands of the stores you visited, or talking about the companies you were part of. How did he know where you lived and about your work?

You wished he'd just stop and disappear to where he came from.

> not yet :)   > but you will get to know me—all of me—when we see each other tomorrow. i'll make you smile again, i'll make you happy. you'll be my darling star again, just like before! my reason to live, my beloved. i can't wait for tomorrow, see you soon!

DarlingLover left the chat.

You stared at the message for a while, perplexed and dumbfounded as you tried to make sense of it. You replayed the interaction over and over but could find no logic or reason behind it. You didn't know this guy, he didn't know you. At least, not personally. But he did know more about you than any of your subscribers should.

Part of you hated him, but the rest of you was scared. Scared of what would happen if you scorned him, the havoc he'd unleash on your life. You were scared of the embarrassment he could cause you if he revealed your secret sidehustle to your work, feared how the opinion of you would change now that you finally found work that you liked and coworkers that you could have fun with. You were finally one leg into having a normal life, only for some stranger on the internet to come and ruin it again. It made you mad and drove you downright crazy.

Clicking his username over and over, it stated he was offline. You couldn't open a new chat again, couldn't scream at him how you weren't going to do that! How you wouldn't meet him for real because he could very well be a psycho or murderer! Surely, he'd not give you back the time you lost streaming, the friends you pushed away to earn money, or your happiness in exchange for success!

"What do I do?" you sighed, rubbing your face once more. You were so tired, you had to go to bed. Soon, you'd have to get up, get to work, and decide whether you wanted to attend the meet-up.

Wait.

Why was that even a decision?

Of course, you wouldn't go! He couldn't force you! He couldn't—

Did you really have a choice?

Flopping into your bed, you groaned. In a fit of anger, you punched your fists into the mattress a few times before the strength left you. Of course, it was your choice. You had started over before. If the worst came to fruition, you'd just do it again. Nothing was lost. You could do it! You could refuse the offer and live a happy life away from streaming and the judgment of other people! It would be hard. So very hard. But you could do it!

Sleep overtook you before you could prepare yourself for bed. You didn't hear the ping of a chat message. All your body had left in it was to sleep away the exhaustion, even if it meant knocking you out for good and without having an alarm set for the next morning. Big decisions would have to be made the next day, but you were asleep, unaware of the weight resting on your shoulders.

And you didn't notice the red light on your webcam, saying it was still on even though your screen had long closed down.

< sleep well, darling :) ♥

His lips curled into a wicked, lovestruck grin as he moved the window with the video live feed of your bedroom to the second monitor. Finally. Finally, he'd get to meet you. His idol, his darling, his beloved streamer. He adored and worshipped you since the day you started. Watched every one of your streams since the day you joined his life.

Without you, his channel wouldn't exist. People wouldn't adore him, wouldn't watch him. The masses of fans enjoying his lengthy cock-stroking sessions, buying his ASMR audios to masturbate to—they all wouldn't exist without you. Even when he was down when he just started, seeing you smile and do your best for the few followers you had was what made him continue working hard for you.

And now that he had long surpassed you, it was time he gave back the gratitude he felt towards you.

The thought alone of meeting you was getting his cock rock hard, ready to burst. He wasn't even sure if he could look into your eyes without cumming instantly like a pathetic loser. But he wouldn't mind being a loser again if it meant he got to meet you.

"I love her streams," he hummed blissfully, closing the connection to your stream as he palmed himself over his sweatpants. Thanks to your lovely end of stream announcement, showing all your best moments, no one even noticed he'd be off chatting with you. "She's my favorite streamer ever."

Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

Donations went off as he pulled down the waistband, revealing the girthy mass that his followers loved so much. He'd been so ashamed as a teenager for having this monster of a cock, but on the internet, he found solace. People loved imagining riding him, giving him BJs, the whole nine yards, but he saved himself. For you. You'd be the first, and if he did his job well, you'd be his last.

"Before we get to the main part of tonight," he teased, gripping his length in his hand, squeezing and caressing it for the whole community to see. Head rolling back, he imagined your warmth spread around him, his cock pulsing eagerly as he wished to know what it would feel like to pop the tip into your tight pussy.

Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

He grinned. They loved him so much. Everyone loved the former loser now turned into a hot, sexy internet sensation. And you would, too. Very soon.

"I want to announce that we're going to have the collaboration of the year right here, on this channel, tomorrow. Starting at 8:30pm! Make sure you're here to witness it, Darling."

Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding! Ding!

[evvyyypeters-fics]

Freak Like Me

Jimmy Darling x felinehybrid!f!reader

Warnings! Angst, harassment, female violence, abuse/ CA, fluff ending, lil cringe maybe

Reupload of the request by @jazz-berry

“Mommy! Look at her!” Chirped the small child observing me like a zoo animal, a pure smile on her face as she pointed.

“Don’t look sweetie!” Hissed her mother, yanking her on the arm as she dragged her past me. Her glaring eyes darted between her enamored child and my face. I could tell the difference in the scorn between me and her child, even if I couldn’t prove it.

It's been 3 years since I’d been accepted into the Freak Show, the glares and scornful looks becoming custom to me over the course of my life. I was born a freak, just like everyone else. Everyday came new insults and reactions, and I never got used to any of them. But I learned to tolerate it. To ignore it and keep a smile, or a straight face. Everyone in the Freak Show was always supportive of me, comforting me and giving me a place that finally feels like home. But no one was a bigger comfort to me than Jimmy Darling.

Like me, he had an obvious malformation that needed to be hidden in public to be seen as ‘normal’ in society. He was one of the few people now in my life who I felt I could lean on the most. I felt he always had my back, and in return I had his. I’d had a crush on Jimmy for ages, his generous behavior and bold, friendly personality struck a chord in my heart. His love and protection for the other freaks, the ones who couldn’t fend for themselves as well, he beat the drum of my heart creating a stead-fast rhythm. As well as that cheeky smirk he dawned.

When I first met Jimmy, I expected him to make fun of me just like the other people in my life. He seemed like just the right asshole with his charms, flirts and overall charisma. Instead, he had this soft look in his eyes, something tender and special. I think we truly saw something in each other, a kinship. I was born genetically altered during an experiment orchestrated by the now asylum doctor, Dr. Arden. His sick experiments trying to create human abominations. And I was no exception.

He believed that with the agility and resilience of a cat, if he mixed feline and human DNA he could create a modified human with extreme agile abilities, hearing, smell and sense. His experiment ‘failed’ when I came out with only the behaviors of a domestic house cat and a set of cat-like ears and a matching tail. He kept me prisoner as a pet until I was 12, I was lucky to live that long with him as he originally planned to kill me, but couldn’t bring himself to do it as I was the only one of his experiments that didn’t turn rabid or died. I eventually escaped when I was 13, becoming homeless. The cups I held for money being spat into instead of just being ignored like the others.

Sometimes people would see me and instantly begin beating me up, leaving me wounded in the bushes. But it seems that cats must really have nine lives, because I lived to meet Elsa, who found me alone and battered in a ditch. Where she invited me to join her Freak Show. Where I met Jimmy, with his clawed hands.

A Lobster and a cat was quite an ironic pairing. Jimmy still liked to tease me from time to time, holding fish out in his hand and swinging it like bait as if I was dying to pounce on it. I’d just glare and cross my arms like I was tired of his foolish endeavors even though I quite enjoyed his little quips.

It was Saturday, a perfect night for the Freak Show. Elsa had managed to save the show for now with a few more acts added to the set, and a few new freaks added to the cast. I was included at the time. Our best show had 50 people show up, and our usual crowd is almost 20. Which is enough to get us all by for a while. Our balance usually runs out by the end of the month, but with consistent show times, it was a stable income.

Today I was asked to do fortune telling in place of Maggie, who (not so) unfortunately died in a freak accident. She was a fraud and ex-lover of Jimmy Darling, so a part of me didn’t feel much sympathy for her. I hadn’t known Maggie during either of our times at the Freak Show together, but I don’t miss her presence regardless. I just hated having been put with her job, feeling like a fraud myself. But Elsa insisted that fortune telling was quite popular, and with my cat-like features it was even easier to market.

I spent the whole night giving vague fortunes to anyone of any age. I mainly had children who were curiously fascinated by the flick of my tail and twitch of my ears. I spent more time answering their questions than telling their fortunes, which was sort of a win for me. I let some of the, granted less-greasy, children brush my tail for a moment before they shrieked and scurried back to their mothers like a flock of chicks.

In the corner of my eye I notice a dark figure standing in the distance through the open tent curtains, it’s tall and dons what I could only make out as a bowler hat and a long trench coat. When I squint my eyes to take a closer look, the figure is gone seemingly, as if I had just imagined it. It was getting late, and I felt sleep washing over me, but I hadn’t realized how tired I must have been until now. Imagining dark figures in the distance was quite unusual behavior for me.

I had begun to pack up the tent when I heard the soft swish of the curtains dropping, seeing the hazy moonlight disappearing in the enclosed makeshift room, illuminating only with the small candles and oil lamps dawning around the furniture to make it more moody. I quickly whip my head around behind me to gauge who just came in.

“Sorry, I’m closing up.” I said calmly, trying not to sound frightened, but I knew it must have been obvious anyways, my tail and ears always gave away my true emotions. Not to mention the bug-eyed look most likely plastered over my face.

I didn’t relax any further though when I saw a tall man standing there, he donned a brown bowler hat and a matching long trench coat. His hands tucked leisurely in his pockets. I noticed a small scruffy pre-shave beard on his chin, despite the tilt of his head under his hat hiding his gaze from me.

“Can I help you?” I ask, eventually turning my body to face him, getting in a stance ready to fight or run if I had to.

He raised his head and I could see the glimmer of his brown eyes, a deep droop in his lids and a small mustache upon his lip. He smirks amusedly at me.

“Yes, you can.” He says in a low, smooth voice. He was quite an attractive man, I had to admit. But there was something wrong about him, and I couldn’t place my finger on it yet.

That was until he took some steps forward and began to entice me with his words.

“What’s such a pretty feline like you doing here? When you could do so much more…you’re beautiful. You could be a model.” He smiles at me, like it was meant to be pleasant, but it only sent shivers down my spine.

I went into a defensive stance as I began to back away from him, but he only got closer, easily cornering me. I felt like an idiot for doing that, but I had no other choice. My breath began to shorten in my chest, coming out as sharp inhales, my heart fluttering like a hummingbird in my chest and pounding through my ears. I was getting dizzy with panic.

“Don’t be afraid, darling.” The man coos menacingly as my ears begin to flatten to my head. My words choked in my throat as I scream and thrash in my head, only coming out as burning tears in my eyes.

“Say….” He trails, glancing at my tail with a smirk. I freeze in place from his gaze and yelp painfully when he pulls at my tail.

“So, it is real.” He scoffs delightfully as if he almost didn’t believe it despite the clear movement.

“My…what a beautiful specimen you are, indeed…” He says slowly, taking his time with each syllable like a long breath. He reaches out for my hair and squishes it between his fingers, a new sort of mischievous grin on his face. One that is dark and disturbing and makes my hair stand up.

He starts to move his fingers to tuck my hair back behind my ear, but suddenly the curtains of the tent fly open and I see a familiar figure standing in the doorway with a look of sheer shock and surprise on his face that quickly turns into rage as he drops everything in his hands and storms over to the man. They’re almost the same height, so Jimmy easily grabs his shoulder to turn him and knocks a fair punch in his face. His deformed hand created what I assumed was probably a harsher blow than average.

The man instantly dropped to the ground, holding his now surely broken nose in his hand as blood seeped through his fingers like a river. He lifts his head to Jimmy and they just stare at each other for a split second before the man silently gets up and sprints away. Jimmy watches him run, practically huffing with anger before turning to me, his demeanor shifts and his breathing calms as he gives me a soft gaze.

“Are you ok?” He asks in a concerned, gentle tone. He doesn’t even let me answer before he swings his arm protectively over me and begins to lead me out of the tent and to his caravan.

“C’mon sweetheart.” He beckons, as if I wouldn’t follow him to the ends of the Earth no matter where we were.

As soon as he closes the door to the caravan behind us, the welled up sobs begin to climb out of my throat, thick and hot tears rolling down my cheeks. Jimmy instantly looks concerned and wraps me in a tight hug, resting his chin on the top of my head as his large hands rub my back soothingly.

“There, there.” He says comfortingly as he lets all the emotions built up inside of me through the day wash over and spill. Holding me tight to his chest so I could hear the calm, melodic drum of his heart, beating lovingly for me.

The sound itself begins to soothe me, along with his tender massages of my back and eventually the storm of tears subsides. He removes his chin from the top of my head and loosens his hold a bit as he points his face towards me and gauges my expression.

“Feeling better?” He asks with a soft chuckle, a gentle smile painted on his face that swelled in my heart.

I nodded silently and threw myself into another tight hug where he began to pat my head.

“Jimmy…” I said, my words muffled by the clothes on his chest.

“Yes, Darlin’” He replied, our cheeky little inside joke.

“Can we cuddle?” I ask, my cheeks becoming a soft pink when asking, slightly embarrassed at the request. I didn’t know how he would answer, we didn’t have the cuddly kind of relationship. At least, not in my eyes.

To my surprise I feel him shift, a soft nod. “Of course.” He rings out in a soft voice and I felt as if my heart could have almost exploded from how hard it started pounding in my chest. A feverish pattering that rushed through my whole body with a light weight feeling.

Without another word we both stood in silence, unsure of what to do, before Jimmy started slowly leading us both to his bed in a slow walk. He sat down gently on the mattress first before scooting back and letting me crawl forwards over him, nuzzling snuggly into the crevice of his arm and resting my head on his chest. I was soothed again by the subtle rise and fall of his breaths, hearing again the rhythm drumming of his heart in my ear.

He strokes my hair gently with his fused fingers, petting the top of my head like a true house cat. A strange hum began to pull from my throat as he continued to stroke my head and ears, his other hand wrapping around my back and rubbing it in slow motions up and down my spine.

“Are you purring?” He chuckled sweetly when he noticed the low sound.

“N-No!” I blurt out, shy and confused.

“I didn’t even know you could do that.” He says, smiling and resting his head back down on the pillow.

“Me neither…” I mumbled, and he lifted a curious brow, dropping it and letting it go.

Despite the strange reaction he pulled from me with the massages, he continued petting me, each rub and stroke becoming stronger and more deliberate. I felt the urge to continue the favor, my fists kneading into his chest with hesitant nudges. He smiled silently to himself when he felt the soft press of my knuckles rolling against his shirt. My eyes gently closed, eyelashes splayed over my pink cheeks.

Lulled to sleep in his arms, we both fell asleep together that night, waking up in each other’s arms and sharing a comforting smile together. Things were surely going to be different around here now.

Taglist (you can be added or removed at any time):

@fear-is-truth @xkaisxjazzxsingerx @lemoniiiiiii @jazz-berry @marchsfreakshow @colinzabelswife @dearlizzies @am3ricanh0rrorwh0re @xrag-dollx @lacucarachapisser @alittleobsessedbitch

[the-milk-monarch]

hello hello! I really like your writing! can I request a Mal x autistic reader but all good if not. Have a nice day/night!

☣︎ omg yes I wanted to write sth similar but I felt like it'd be too self-serving lmao I hope you don't mind I added Mike in there as well

[𝙰𝚄𝚃𝙸𝚂𝚃𝙸𝙲 𝚂/𝙾]

Summary: Mal pretends to be Mike but Reader picks up on it. After the reveal, Reader has to spent a cold night out with Mal as a challenge + dating headcanons.

☢︎ | Total Drama | 6k words | gender-neutral reader ♡ | Mal | Mike ⚠ | Mal being an ass, reader having a meltdown

[𝙼𝚒𝚔𝚎]

Ever since you joined the Total Drama show, you knew you had to get an ally if you were to win.

Your social skills weren't the best, but you had your good problem solving skills to make up for that. At least you hoped so.

You were a little anxious while interacting with other contestants, hoping they wouldn't notice your a bit different approach to conversations.

But there was one boy who didn't seem to mind your awkwardness. On the contrary, he was a bit awkward as well, which filled you with adoration.

Mike was always so kind and respectful you never felt anxious around him, even with your quirky way of speaking.

Or the fact that you avoided eye contact while you spoke.

And when you cringed at yourself whenever you tripped on the flat ground, he didn't think of you any less, he was just worried whether you hurt yourself or not.

You could say you caught a small crush on Mike because of how comfortable you felt with him, but you knew he was interested in Zoey.

Although you were unsure about some small gestures received from him. "Was he just nice or is it his interest?" played in your head, although your mind told you to assume the worst and not hype yourself up.

That didn't stop you from simping from afar though.

What you loved the most about Mike was his willingness to listen to you ramble about your special interest.

You were really worried about being annoying around other people, knowing you might get a bit too excited the stuff you like and it'd be "inappropriate".

But Mike seemed to be into it, asking follow up questions and overall being engaged with you talking.

Your trust towards Mike was put to a test once you got a bit too overwhelmed in the middle of a challenge.

This particular day you seemed to have extra clumsy coordination which pissed you off a little, as it was important for you to win this time, given how strict the criteria for losing were this time.

"God, I have enough-" You desperately and a bit irritated announced while trying to tie a knot.

The challenge Chris McLean decided to do today was a scout obstacle course. Each person had to partner up with someone and do some scout activities, which included tying knots into various shapes shown on the picture.

The rope fell out of your hands for the 5th time while you were almost done with it and it made you forcibly exhale in irritation.

Mike had just finished his part of the activity and he noticed you had some troubles.

"Um, what is it?" He asked carefully, looking at your closed off body language.

"My hands don't listen to me and I can't tie these damn knots-" You tried not to make a scene, hating how much a simple, stupid task made you upset.

Your breathing got slightly heavier as you tried to suppress your rising emotions. You knew you had the right to express it, but not now. Not in front of Mike.

You took a step back from the ropes laying on the ground helplessly and given up, wanting to get some space from the irritating item.

Mike had noticed your change of attitude and immediately sensed you were losing it a bit.

"Hey, it's fine- I'll do your part." He suggested quickly, hoping to give some reassurance. "I-it's just ropes, right? We can still win!"

You felt a bit silly but you had no power to complete the task. You meekly nodded.

You stood there, just looking at his hard work until he finished.

"Okay, let's go!" Mike announced as he was done with your both parts.

At the end of the day, you and Mike managed to avoid elimination and after the challenge ended, you had some alone time to yourself.

Once you had a chance to be alone for a second, you quickly escaped the large crowd of people, wanting to get some space after such tiring situation.

You were chilling on a bench until you noticed a familiar face appearing on your radar.

Mike had managed to find you.

You quickly changed your way of cross legged sitting on a bench due to fear of being perceived as weird, even though you knew Mike probably wouldn't bat an eye on that.

You politely smiled as he approached you.

"Hey, there you are-" Mike reciprocated your smile a bit nervously.

"I hope I'm not disturbing you, but I noticed you kind of- disappeared from the rest earlier, did something happen? Are you alright?" He asked with worry on his face which made you soften your expression. Did he really care about your wellbeing so much he came after you?

"No, no, you're not disturbing-" You said, halfly honest. You wanted some time alone for yourself, but you couldn't say you didn't appreciate him coming here.

He came up to the bench you were sitting on and sat beside you, keeping a respectful distance.

You didn't even notice when you started slightly bouncing your leg as you spoke.

To a keen eye (or even not so) it was clear that even though your face was calm, you had some bottled stress inside.

Mike was mindful enough to notice it, so he proceeded carefully.

"So- you're fine, just wanted to- chill out alone for a second?" Mike gently asked, looking at your face, even though your eyes avoided his.

"Yeah. You know, people overwhelm me a bit sometimes-" You admitted a bit bluntly.

"Oh, yeah, it's fine, I get what you mean-" He assured you with a smile. But then his smile faltered a little in worry.

"Wait, since you wanted to be alone, aren't I a bother?" He asked again, ready to stop bugging you in case it wasn't welcomed.

You softly smiled at his politeness.

"No, I said you're not a bother. I don't mind you being here, and- I like that you came here, actually." You admitted with a bit awkward and coy smile. You weren't used to speaking your mind freely like that, in case something came out wrong, but you concluded your response was acceptable.

Mike grinned bashfully as he remembered your previous words.

"Right, right, sorry heh." He scratched his neck as he showed a toothy grin.

"So..." He started after a few seconds.

"Tell me if I'm crossing any boundaries here, but I felt like there was some shift from you since that, um, knot situation." He carefully said. "...Are you- mad at me? Did I do something?"

You cringed internally at yourself.

"Oh, eh- no-" You quickly chimed in. "No, I'm sorry if I came off that way-"

"I just got a bit overwhelmed because I'm so clumsy- But I'm alright now." You assured him with a half smile while your leg continued to bounce. Until you noticed the movement and promptly stopped.

Mike had noticed all of your quirks but never commented on them.

"Hey, it's alright- I didn't mind helping you." He gave you a warm and a calm smile.

You waited a bit before thinking about saying something.

"I- I dunno if you know what a 'meltdown' is...?" You carefully started. You never explicitly stated you're autistic, nor you wanted people to treat you like a child whenever they found out, but you trusted Mike wouldn't do that.

Mike blinked once before tilting his head slightly.

"A meltdown... Uh..." He looked at the ground, trying to think about it.

You explained before he could say anything else, saving him from an awkward silence.

"It's an autism thing, I just kinda shut off for a moment there. I know it's not really useful in a competition." You bluntly admitted, waiting for his reaction.

Mike then seemed to get the idea "Oh, right! Yeah, yeah I know what is it." He nodded to emphasize.

"You- You don't have to worry about that! I know how it is to get overwhelmed sometimes-" He chuckled nervously.

"Just so you know, it doesn't change anything." He showed yet another reassuring smile which made the corners of your lips move up as well. "I'll help you whenever you need it!"

"...Thanks." You hoped the shine in your bashful eyes didn't expose your feelings too much.

["𝙼𝚒𝚔𝚎"]

After several days on the island, you noticed something changed. Mike seemed off to you.

Others didn't seem to notice, but your eyes caught some discrepancies in the way Mike acted.

His whole demeanor changed in an uncanny way.

You were used to being very chatty around him due to his always reciprocative stance, but recently Mike started to seem annoyed.

Worries flared up immediately once you noticed he might get bored of your ramblings, so you decided to ask him about it.

"Hey, uh, Mike? Can I ask you a question?" You tried to casually introduce the topic.

"Hm? Yeah, sure. Go on." He answered with fake investment in his voice, smiling.

"Am I talking too much? You can tell me to stop if you got bored or something-" You awkwardly informed him, hoping you weren't a bother after all, waiting for the confirmation.

He stopped for a moment, showing an unsure but cheery smile.

"Oh, no, no- Of course I love listening to you- But I'm just a bit tired today, so maybe you could tone it down a little today?" He tried to be as gentle as ever while shutting you up.

He wasn't very disrespectful but it kind of hurt you. Even though you knew he had the full right to politely ask you to stop, you thought he enjoyed the discussions with you.

You tried once again a few times, but all you were met with was subtly seeping annoyance from his responses.

"Oh my, that's interesting- But tell me, do you have anything else to talk about?" He asked while smiling and pretending to be invested.

"Uh- yeah. If you want I can-"

"Cool. Then talk about something else." He abruptly cut you off.

So with time you slowly shut up with the ramblings, which Mike seemed to be happy about.

You couldn't believe he just changed like that, as if it wasn't him. But you also felt like you had any right to force him into listening to you.

The changes in his behavior didn't stop at that, as you also noticed some remarks coming his way, which you had trouble deciding whether it was sarcasm or not.

He also seemed to get a bit more demanding, not being as keen to help you with things now.

You didn't take Mike's kindness for granted of course, but you knew something changed.

You had a bad feeling.

Your logical thinking made you come up with theories on what happened.

You knew about Mike's D.I.D. and wondered if it was maybe someone else. But you also knew Mike's alters well enough to know it wasn't any of the ones you were acquainted with.

Only thing that stopped you from outright asking him about it was your common decency. It would be rude to just assume.

So you decided to test something.

You once again started your favorite topic, one that Mike had a lot of questions and discussion about while he still acted like himself.

"Hey, Mike, I recently thought about that one tv show we talked about recently and I forgot to tell you some trivia. Wanna listen to the facts about [character] or [character2]?" You asked with halfly casual tone, wanting to check his reaction. You mentioned Mike's favorite action movie, so you believed he would reply with some enthusiast about it.

"Wow- um- Yeah, [character2] sounds good." He responded with pretended interest but you caught some annoyance from him, "per usual".

"...I thought you didn't like [character2]?" You asked a tricky question. The character in question was his favorite one. At least Mike's favorite. You purposefully asked an untrue question.

"Eh- I mean- Hate-listening is a thing, right?" He tried to get out of the hole he fell in due to not listening previously to you. His attempts at trying to be casual were obvious to you now.

You stopped for a moment to look him briefly in the eyes.

"Actually, you mentioned [character2] being your favorite." You tilted your head and raised your brow a bit accusatory.

He looked to the side, as if caught in a lie, but still tried to save face.

"Well tastes change, don't they?" He crossed his arms in a bit of annoyance because of you poking holes in his story.

"That's really rude of you." He furrowed his brows in slight irritation as his patience was running out.

That was it, you knew Mike wouldnt' just tell you that! Or, at least you hoped you were right about it.

You took a leap of faith as you also crossed your arms in a defensive state, staring at him.

"You're not Mike are you?" You asked bluntly.

He got a bit surprised at your boldness.

"What?" He chuckled a bit patronizingly, as if you said something stupid. "Of course I'm Mike. Why do you say that?"

"Well- I didn't wanna assume, but looking at your behavior recently I noticed you got a lot less enthusiastic about spending time with me. So obviously something's up." You concluded, still sticking to your belief. You hoped you weren't wrong.

"God you have to overthink everything, do you?" His tone changed to a slightly deeper one.

You noticed him gracefully swish his hair in a way which made his bangs cover his eye.

"Are you usually this annoying? How did Mike even managed to deal with you?" He expressed his thoughts freely now while you were under his judging eye.

Your eyes widened a little - you were right, it wasn't Mike.

"Wow, okay- Who are you then?" You asked now without any restriction.

"I'm Mal." He responded with arrogance.

"And if you tell anyone I'm not that nerdy freak, you're done." He added with an undertone of threat.

"Hey, what's with that hostility?" You tilted your head and asked a bit bluntly but still remaining polite.

"I am simply direct. I don't have the time or patience to deal with any of your foolish questions." Mal's cold and serious persona was quite intimidating, but you managed to stay calm.

"Okay- I'm direct too, but I don't have to threat you while at it." You pointed out calmly.

"I'm not threatening you. I'm simply telling you what will happen if you reveal my true self to anyone else." Mal's words echoed a threat without any hesitation.

You sighed, sensing some mixed messages from him. "Alright- Uh, so- Why don't you want me to tell others you're not Mike?"

"It's not your business." Mal's face displayed no change in expression, still remaining as firm and strict as ever.

You waited a bit before shrugging. "...Fair enough."

Mal stared at you, showing no reaction whatsoever. "Anything else?"

"Uh- Since you're obviously not Mike, why don't we start again?" You tried to make something out of this unusual situation.

Mal raised his brow skeptically, trying to sense your intentions with that question.

"And what do you mean by that?" Mal's demeanor stayed unchanged, keeping a sharp and indifferent look on his face.

"Like- I know nothing about you, but- I'm opened to still hold an alliance, you know?" You shrugged, hoping he'll agree.

"I'm not looking for any kind of alliance with you." Mal's words sounded harsh and blunt. He never cared for any relationships, especially with people he doesn't even know.

"Okay, harsh." You bluntly put it, a bit awkward he wasn't keen on it. "But- uh, why not?"

"Because there will never be any mutual benefits here." Mal's statement was short and concise, showing no further interest in their current conversation.

"Uh- How so?" You continued.

"You have nothing worthwhile to offer me. No one else has anything worthwhile to offer me either. It's why I'm alone." Mal's words sounded as cold and harsh as ever, as if you weren't even there.

"…Isn't it a bit lonely?" You didn't wanna push the matter further, but without Mike or anyone else in an alliance, you felt lonely yourself. That's why you tried to save the situation you had before.

Mal stayed silent for a bit. "Lonely? Yes. Do I care? No." Mal's face showed no visible change of expression, staying as cold as ever.

"It doesn't matter to me if I'm alone. I can survive on my own, I don't need any friends. I never have and never will."

Your face showed a bit of concern as well as mixed emotions.

It was hard to get to him, but you still had some hopes.

"Well- I'm not saying you need them, but- since I already know you're not Mike, why can't we be at least on a positive terms?" You tried your best to seem an appealing friend.

Mal stayed silent for a bit, considering your words. He remained indifferent and unamused, but your words at least reached his ears.

"You don't even know me, yet you want to be on positive terms with me… Are you that desperate?" He looked at you patronizingly amused.

"I'm trying to be nice here." You bluntly said, a bit discouraged by his unwillingness to cooperate.

"Nice, you say? Do you even know what 'nice' means? To my knowledge, 'nice' is something you do to manipulate people and get their trust. I'm not interested in those kinds of games." Mal's words were cold and sharp, as if challenging you to answer him.

You stood there a bit dumbfounded at his definition of "nice". "No- And I'm sorry you had this experience if that's what you think it means. But I hold no malice towards you, really."

"Well you're either lying, or you're just a fool. I haven't decided yet." Mal didn't make an effort to hold back his words, just letting them slip with his usual bluntness.

You rolled your eyes slightly, but you were determined to change his mind. "Look, I know you have no reason to trust me, like me, or even believe me, but- let's say it makes us even then? We get to be in an alliance, and I don't tell your secret?" You didn't like blackmail, but you had to save yourself somehow.

"…Let's say your offer interests me… What would be your goal of this alliance?" Mal's demeanor changed slightly, becoming noticeably more analytical and entertaining the possibility at least slightly.

"Well- First off, a buddy is always nice to have on the competition, second reason- I like Mike. And you're a part of Mike So- I also wanna be friends with you. And- I hope that's reasonable?" You put it in a honest way.

Mal chuckled out loud before looking at you entertained and looking as if he was about to burst your bubble. "But I'm no Mike. If you think I'm gonna act like him then you're mistaken."

"No, I don't." You quickly disregarded his words. "That's why I suggested a fresh start."

You waited a bit before elaborating more. "Yes, I know that probably sounds stupid, but I'll be blunt. I just wanna make a friend and stay in the game. And I suck at social interactions." You knew how desperate you probably were to him, given his indifferent approach to you, but you had no other idea what to do.

Mal was clearly entertained by your responses. He couldn't help but chuckle at their naivety and the sheer persistence of being his 'friend' or something similar. "…You're one odd individual. I must say."

Mal stood silently for a moment, pondering the possibilities for an alliance between you two. He sighed before responding. "…Very well" Mal's face looked serious now, having a proposition in store.

"Should you fail to respect my boundaries, or try to manipulate me in any way… you're dead meat." Mal's tone of voice changed a bit too, now sounding as if he weren't joking anymore.

"And I also want you to not interfere with any of my plans. Understood? I can tolerate working with you for the time being, but only for the sake of mutual benefits." Mal's words were harsh and intimidating, but there seemed to be a slight tinge of… skepticism.

That was a good thing, you thought, because at least he was considering your request.

You nodded.

[Mal at the confessional]

"I can't decide whether they're planning something I didn't give them credit for, or are they that stupid to think I'm really gonna be in a real alliance with them." Mal chuckled to the camera. "Probably the latter." He added with a smug smirk. "That naive pawn… it's too easy to manipulate them. All that talk about "friendship…" nonsense." He obnoxiously mocked your words with a hand gesture as his look held entertainment. "As if that mattered to me… or anyone." Mal thought to himself out loud. "No one ever mattered to me, and they never will. People are merely tools in my eyes, and I will use them to get what I want..." His expression seemed to stay serious and pondering for a moment before the video cut off.

[𝙼𝚊𝚕]

You had very mixed feelings about the situation.

You were very well aware Mal probably didn't respect you and only agreed to it for his benefit, you weren't stupid.

But you also had some hopes he would come around with time.

Your relationship proceeding further was very rocky, as Mal didn't really treat you with kindness, which you kind of expected, but weren't happy about.

Still, he didn't try to vote you off, and for the time being it worked.

You were a bit lost about what to do, but the days on the island didn't let you have a break to think about things, and the challenges proceeded as usual.

Today's challenge was a camp-out one. People in the team had to partner up with someone and then spend a night outside, in the forest.

"Easy enough", you thought, but you noticed some eye-roll from Mal.

Obviously you and Mal ended up being partners, due to the "mutual" alliance you had.

Once the teams had chose their respective campsites and you were alone, Mal swooshed his hair so it fell on his eye once again without a comment, seemingly more comfortable with this hairstyle instead of Mike's usual standing hair.

"So- How about this place?" You pointed out to a simple area that didn't have a lot of pinecones on the ground, offering a softer ground to set a tent on.

"Whatever, can be." He briefly acknowledged your words without any further interest.

You were a bit tired of his apathetic demeanor but you let it slide.

You placed your backpack on the ground, preparing to take out the necessary equipment.

Mal sat on some available tree root, expecting you to do all the work.

It took you some time but you were determined to set out the tent properly, even under Mal's judging eye.

To no avail. Without an instruction, it wasn't your strong suit to just "wing it".

Mal raised his brow unamusedly while crossing his arms.

"God that's pathetic." He commented without any hesitance.

"Okay then, you do it." You crossed your arms as well, now looking at him.

You heard a "tch-" from him. "Really? You're that helpless?" He smirked.

"It would appear so." You just bluntly admitted, gaining some surprise from Mal, which quickly disappeared after a moment.

"Weak." He murmured to himself, making sure you also heard him. He walked up to the tent, setting it up without much resistance.

You plopped down on the tree trunk Mal was previously sitting on, watching him work.

After he was done you didn't want to be useless, so you got up with an idea of gathering some wood. What's a camp without a camp-fire, eh?

Mal saw you leave but didn't comment anything, choosing to go sit in the tent he just set up.

You were really trying to be nice and respectful to Mal, but he was slowly draining your willingness to do it.

As you were collecting random twigs from the ground you were thinking about him though.

No one was mean without a reason, and given Mike's situation, he probably went through lots of stuff to get to his current behavior, which made you feel sympathetic towards him.

You came back to your little campout, noticing Mal lazily sitting inside the tent, holding a knife in his one hand that was carving the wood he held in the other. You wondered where did he get it from?

"I brought wood." You announced, letting the twigs fall onto the floor.

"Congrats, you made yourself useful." He commented briefly, but mostly ignoring you.

It was a start at least.

Soon enough the air became colder, forcing you to make a fire.

You gathered some rocks and formed them along with several pieces of wood, trying to set the fire with 2 rocks, as you had to do with Mike on scout-type challenge, until Mal took out a match with unamused expression and started the fire.

You blinked as you saw the fire appear, then looked at Mal. "How did you get a match?"

"I stole it." He replied carelessly without a hint of shame.

"...Okay, that works." You only managed to say.

You both got near the source of warmth in a careful distance away from each other, you sitting on the tree trunk nearby, him sitting in the tent.

The challenge was going pretty smoothly, until it began to pour.

The rain quickly took out your fire, making Mal groan in irritation.

As you felt the droplets of water on your clothes, you quickly went into the tent where Mal was taking most of the space, but he reluctantly moved to the corner once he saw you coming.

You stayed silent as you observed the aggressive change of the weather, with Mal not making a peep either, only keeping his outward display of annoyance towards the rain visible.

It was getting dark and cold, with the weather having no plans of going back to the sunny afternoon it previously was.

Mal backed out into the tent, sitting quietly and looking outside with an upset expression on his face.

There was a long, awkward silence that got to you internally, but you didn't want to risk annoying Mal with bringing up "annoying" topics to talk about, as you had no other ideas.

You came to the show with quite a thick jacket with a hood on, so the cold didn't bother you that much, but you observed Mal pressing his bent knees to his stomach in attempt to keep warm.

There was no sign of struggle from his side though, as he made a good job of sitting still, acting like it wasn't bothering him, with the exception of subtle trembles of his body once in a while.

It was obvious he felt cold with only a short-sleeved shirt to keep him warm.

"Are you cold?" You asked hesitantly, even though you knew the answer.

He shot you a death glare. "I'm fine."

You waited a second, looking at him briefly and thinking about your options. You decided to press further.

"You have short sleeves though." You pointed out, looking at his face getting agitated.

"So fucking what? My fault this moron can't dress properly?" He barked at you with hostility, as if you were pointing out his misfortune.

"No." You responded a bit taken aback by his tone, but you remained calm.

"But- We can share." You made your intentions clear as you took off the jacket, handing it to him.

He looked at you with skeptic and confused eyes as if you had some hidden intentions behind that move, but he accepted the gift without any comment.

You noticed his grumpy expression soften slightly but still keeping that distrustful glare, avoiding your eye as he put the jacket around his back.

You judged his reaction as a positive one though.

After a moment you scooted closer to him, touching his side with yours, to which he raised his eyebrow at your "audacity".

"What are you doing?" He muttered, looking at your movements with mixed feelings.

"You're not the only one cold here. I'm also freezing." You explained a bit lightheartedly, hoping to ease the thick tension between you two.

Mal only briefly looked at you and let out a "hmph" noise as an acknowledgement as he looked away from you, yet he didn't move away, letting you stay in this position.

You sighed contently for the first time in a few days now.

You watched the rain fall in silence, but at least it wasn't as overwhelming now.

Finally the exhaustion caught up to you both as a product of several hours of walking and doing stuff.

Mal let out the first yawn and so you asked him whether he wants to go to sleep.

He shrugged, still keeping his indifferent behavior but accepted. "Sure, whatever."

You both moved to the far away corners of the tent and layed down, feeling the fabric of the tent soften the hard ground halfly. Chris didn't pack you any sleeping bags, that would be too easy.

All you had was your jacket as a make-shift blanket.

You noticed Mal laying on his side, in a way that wouldn't make him face you.

You offered him a part of the jacket but his ego didn't let him accept this time.

"I'm fine. I don't need it." He harshly turned down your offer.

You sighed. "Fine."

Mal remained stubborn, even though the cold was biting his ass, he managed to fall asleep.

You however couldn't, due to the uncomfortable place of sleeping.

You laid on your back for a few seconds, staring at the ceiling of the tent, before deciding to take a look at Mal.

His breathing let you notice he was asleep, although his shaky body was visibly cold.

You didn't have the heart to let him freeze, so you very carefully moved near him, putting a part of the jacket on him to cover him up.

You pressed your back very slightly against him, craving some additional warmth from his body that would benefit you boths

Fortunately he didn't wake up.

You managed to fall asleep after some time as well.

Mal woke up after several hours, thoroughly confused about the state of his being, as he expected to wake up cold, but he was quite- cozy.

His expression changed as soon as he noticed you very close to him.

He cringed at your proximity, with your front facing him in a blissful state of sleep, hair over your eyes as if in rom-com movie.

He was about to forcefully shake you off him, but he decided against it for some reason.

Perhaps it was his self-preservation finally speaking, instead of ego getting in his way of survival. Your position was both comfy and warm, after all.

He only turned to lay on his back, letting out a heavy sigh, furrowing his eyebrows slightly as it was now his turn to look above without any particular reason, just to think over the situation.

As soon as you started to wake up, he immediately backed off, putting the whole jacket on you.

"Finally you're awake." He said as if it was a big bother.

You softly rubbed your eyes, yawn escaping your lips as you done so.

"When did you wake up?" You asked with a bit of haze still.

"Doesn't matter." He sharply shut down your question, although his tone was just slightly different than his usual bitterness.

After you both past the challenge timer of staying and ready to leave the place, you noticed Mal taking down the tent, without you having to ask him for it. Huh.

[Mal at the confessional]

Mal stared at the camera with crossed arms for a longer moment, having an ambiguous expression on his face. After some time he finally decided to open his mouth. "God, they're so helpless. They can't even set up a damn tent." His scornful tone made it obvious he was making fun of you. "How would they even make it so far without me?" He once again made it clear to the recording device that he was needed for your victory. Yet another few seconds passed by before his thought was said out loud, this time his face turning less arrogant and more figuring out what he's gonna say. "...They're so naive." He reiterated once more, as if to reassure himself what to think. "But- Maybe with my help I'll be able to use them to my advantage." He finally found the correct direction of his further words. "I'll make sure no one gets between me and Y/N getting a chance at winning the money." "Of course, just for me to forcefully take the victory away from them, later." He said confidently, but he felt the need for a clarification on that last part. He lingered in the confessional for a moment more, before getting to his final words, looking straight at the camera. "And if anyone plans to interfere with that, they're gonna go down."

[BONUS - DATING HEADCANONS]

Of course if you and Mal become a thing, he'll be more keen about tolerating your quirks and listening to you ramble about your hyperfixations.

He won't be as invested in them, but he'll treat you in a way he'd treat a cat enjoying it's favorite toy - "You do your thing sweetie. It's stupid but adorable to look at."

Once he gets used to your true thoughts and trust you, he'd also think your honesty is refreshing.

He thinks neurotypicals play too many complicated emotional games.

He can also play them as a form of manipulation, but if it comes to trusting each other he appreciates you always being blunt when it comes to what you think.

It's obvious Mal most probably has ASPD and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, so he's not a stranger to people not liking his attitude and way of thinking.

He might be a bit too harsh on you at first, not used to having someone caring about him (or vice versa) but with time he'll learn to not go as hard on you.

Like with your 'special needs', not tolerating some textures and foods, your obsession about only on topic at a time, or stimming, which might be distracting to him.

He might panic a bit inside once you have a meltdown first time around him though, not knowing how to act around you in that state, as only thing he knows it's hostility, so don't expect him to be much help.

He might listen to your requests how should he act later on, though.

He will also be more straightforward around you when he notices your "denseness".

"Do you- want my jacket again?" You asked, looking at Mal. "No, let me freeze to death." He remarked sarcastically, expecting you to pass him the jacket again, but you just blinked, unsure if he wanted it or not after your previous similar encounter with him being reluctant to accept it. He looked at you a second more, now elaborating a bit annoyed. "Yes, I want it."

Even more so after Mal became less insecure about showing his interest in you.

"Aren't you cold?" He asked, looking at you expectantly with a hint of tease in his voice, obviously wanting you to come closer to him so you'd need him as a source of warmth. "Kinda-" You responded casually, yet still did nothing. Mal waited a moment before finally sighing and pulling you closer to him in a smooth manner, making you a bit surprised. "That means come here." He reiterated slightly more greedy about your presence. That amount of possessiveness made you a bit stunned, but in a kind of positive way. He wasn't negative towards you anymore, after all. "Do I really have to spell out everything for you?" He asked halfly serious. "Well- apparently." You admitted a bit embarrassed at your lack of clue. He rolled his eyes, pulling you closer. "Okay then. You're mine now."

[piastrinorris]

The Buffer

Pairing: Eddie Munson x gn!Reader (no gendered terms/pronouns)

Genre: fluff, tiny little smut mention at the end

Word count: 5k

Summary: Chrissy just wants to play wingwoman. If only the two people in question weren't so clueless.

A/N: Writing Chrissy is so fun. I hope I've done her justice.

Being friends with most of the school newspaper had its perks and its penalties. Pro: you get all the hot gossip before it hits the shelves of the school store. Con: whenever there is a big scoop and they have to work through their lunch break, yours becomes far more lonely. Usually you can find someone to sit with, but today you just so happen to prefer your own company.

Coincidentally, today is the day Chrissy Cunningham decides to sit at your table. "Hi!" she beams, setting her tray down, sitting down and then offering her hand out to you. "You don't mind if I sit here, right?"

Eyes narrowing, you take her hand warily. You've never heard anything bad about her, but you wonder why now, in your senior year, would she finally extend the olive branch? "You already made the trek all the way out here," you muse, and she giggles.

"Yeah, it's not my table but I thought, it's been a minute since we last talked and since your friends aren't here, I figured I could keep you company!" You can't get a read on her. She's the human equivalent of sunshine.

"That's sweet of you," you smile. "Yeah, it's the one downside of being on the outskirts of the school paper team," you shrug, and Chrissy nods in understanding. "Normally I'd find someone else to hang with, but I dunno, something told me to just sit here anyway."

Chrissy's eyes widen. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, if you need some alone time I totally get that, I'm so sorry I assumed -"

"It's fine," you hold your hand out with a reassuring smile. "I'm actually glad you joined me."

She gasps exaggeratedly, pressing her palm to her chest and putting on a voice, "Who, li'l ol' me?!" You laugh, and she joins you. "Well, I would offer for you to sit with more of us, but some of the other girls are…"

"Say no more, I know how a lot of cheerleaders feel about me," you roll your eyes. "Nah, usually I'll go and sit with, like, the theatre kids, or those Hellfire boys, if I need a good book to read, they'll know."

"Oh my god, can I tell you something so bad?" She asks you with wide eyes and a hand over her mouth.

You look from side to side. "Bad, like… Like, scandalous or -?"

"Oh, no! Not at all! This is about me," she giggles. "Did you know that, up until a few weeks ago, I had no idea that Eddie the Fr… The one who plays Dungeons and Dragons," she quickly corrects herself before leaning in to whisper to you, "I had no idea that was Edward Munson from middle school."

"Girl," your eyes widen as you lean back and she holds her cheeks, laughing silently. "You mean to tell me you couldn't tell that Edward the metalhead became Eddie the metalhead?!"

"He had buzzed hair, I don't know!" She presses her fingers to her temples as her face cringes. "When he started talking about his band, it all came flooding back, and I felt so bad!" Her face starts to soften, though. She rests her elbow on the table and sits her chin on the palm of her hand, her fingers curling against her cheekbone. "He's kinda cute now, wouldn't you say?"

Of course she'd say that as you were taking a sip of your drink. Taken aback, your breath catches at just the wrong moment and you start sputtering and coughing. She grimaces, though you can tell she's trying really hard not to laugh. When you finally catch your breath, you say, "Can't say I've noticed any difference." 

That's not technically a lie. You liked Eddie in his buzzed phase. You liked him in his half-grown-out phase. You even liked him in his irons-his-hair-straight phase, though you're grateful that it looks far healthier now that he keeps it curled. And sure, maybe your heart skips a beat or two when he calls you over personally to sit with you, or points to an empty spot next to him (provided one of his "baby sheep" hasn't taken it already). So there's never been a difference to whether or not you'd thought him cute. But if Chrissy Cunningham is into him? Any shot you might have had if you'd had the confidence to do something about it is definitely out of the window.

And so you come to your conclusion. Clearly, Chrissy has seen that you and him are still somewhat friends, and clearly she wants you to play wingman. It'll sting, sure, but it's not like you were planning on making a move anytime soon.

"You don't think he is?" she asks with a slight frown. You're perplexed. Do you chase her off his scent, would that make things too obvious? Or do you encourage it, and risk her questioning your enthusiasm? Either way, the risk is there, and at least now you can live vicariously through her.

You shrug, "I mean, I didn't say that, he's just… I dunno. He's always been Eddie," you allow yourself a small, wistful smile for a few seconds, which is cut short by Chrissy noticing something behind you.

"Oh my god, shh-shh, there he i- Eddie!" The tonal change from being so hushed when she started talking to yelling and waving by the end hurt your ears. 

Tray full of food in hand, he saunters over to you both. "Well, hello to you both," he balances the tray in one hand while doing a funny salute-bow motion with the other. "To what am I owed this pleasure?'

"Well, we were just catching up, since someone was sitting here all alone," Chrissy starts with a pout, and Eddie frowns, turning to you.

"Well, hey, you know there's always room for you with us, right? I know the boys tend to… Get excited and forget other people exist, but you just gotta be just as loud," he explains, his head shaking slightly.

You giggle, "It's been fun, actually, just me and Chrissy here. She's real fun to be with." You didn't realise quite how much saying things like that would sting, but you're here now. Hopefully it'll get easier with time.

"You should come sit with us!" Chrissy pats the table at the spot next to you. You turn your gaze quickly to your own meal, poking at the parts you're yet to eat. You conveniently miss Eddie and Chrissy's silent conversation of eye flashes, tiny gestures and facial expressions.

Eventually Eddie caves and slides into the seat next to you. Chrissy waves her hand towards her, "No, no, come closer! I don't want to have to yell." Even when making her demands, she's adorable. He should be putty in her hands within seconds. Then your work will be done.

Eddie slides his chair over, so his leg barely grazes yours. If you lean even the slightest amount, you can feel the chain on his jeans press into you. "So, what hot topic are we catching up on, then?" he asks.

"I was -" Chrissy collapses into laughter, which makes both you and Eddie smile. There's that sting again. "I was just talking about yo- how I didn't know you were you from middle school!"

"I mean, can you believe." Eddie deadpans, looking at you while gesturing with his open palm to Chrissy.

"Even you said, didn't you!" Chrissy continues, now also talking to you. "You said even you knew he was the same guy from middle school, it was just me!"

You shake your head in disbelief. "I can't believe it's just the hair that fooled you! I remember you in middle school having to move your ponytail so you didn't sit on it! This doesn't even look half as long!" You gesture towards her hair, and she giggles even more.

"Yours doesn't seem to have changed much though," Eddie muses, mouth half-full of food as he points his fork at you. You hate that you don't even find that repulsive.

"Nah, I've pretty much looked the same since the age of six, just stretched out in certain places," you shake your head, to a chorus of laughter from the other two. "Except for the few months I was missing a chunk out of it because I tried to bleach that one part with toilet cleaner." The pair of them hiss through their teeth in sympathy.

"I can do you one better than that," Eddie smirks. "Though it's not my story, guy I met at the Hideout one time. He had tried to bleach his hair at home, was told to wrap it in plastic and heat it up. So he takes a grocery bag -"

Your hands fly up to your face in shock. "Not one that had a logo on it!" Eddie presses his lips together and nods.

Chrissy whines, "Oh, no! So did it transfer onto his -" Eddie interrupts with another nod. "Noooo!"

"I so wish I could have seen it," Eddie laughs. "In Chrissy's defence, though, I didn't think I was all that memorable," he glances over at you.

You shake your head. "I’ll never forget the day you dressed up as a Hobbit for Halloween wearing sneakers with hair taped to them," you laugh, and Chrissy looks at you wide-eyed.

"Sorry, what?! Where was I?!"

Eddie laughs behind his hand. "Oh god, I thought nobody had noticed that! So - I wanted to give the outfit my full devotion, which meant walking around barefooted with extra hair on my fe- You asked!" Eddie exclaims as Chrissy cringes. "But the teacher told me I couldn't not wear shoes, so I had to keep it canon somehow. God, that teacher sucked," he groans under his breath.

"Oh, yes. How terrible it must have been for you to get dress-coded," you deadpan, and Chrissy joins in, once again trying not to laugh.

"You poor thing, Eddie. Having to be told to put shoes on, so oppressive."

"You guys are really coming for my jugular, huh? Last time I join you two." Thankfully, his tone doesn't sound serious.

"Aww, but who else is gonna come bowling with us after school?" Chrissy pouts. You give her a wide-eyed stare and she simply bounces her eyebrows up and down at you in response.

Eddie blows air between his lips in a rasp. "I dunno, you drive a hard bargain..."

"I'll buy you a portion of loaded fries," you offer, clearly understanding your place as the buffer, the third wheel.

Eddie slaps the table, "Now I'm sold!"

He and Chrissy set up a time and a place and you simply nod quietly in agreement. It’s their date, after all. You’re just moral support until it’s your cue to leave them to it.

Once he’s finished with his food, he nods over at his usual table. “S’pose I should go see my herd. I guess I’ll see you later on this evening,” he smiles before leaving you to join his friends.

Chrissy grabs your wrist, looking all excited. “Isn’t this awesome?! I thought that’d give us time to go to the mall first - don't sweat it, I'll drive us - find something cute to wear, and then we can start the journey over to the bowling alley!”

You’re not sure why you have to dress cute, too, but you assume she doesn’t want to potentially appear overdressed, so at least if you’re there and he’s underdressed, he’s in the minority. You let her have her little makeover moment - as much as it all hurts to help Chrissy live your dream, she's just too nice to direct any ill will towards. 

When you meet up with Eddie, he has smartened up a little - he's wearing a plaid button-up, though you see his homemade Hellfire shirt peek out beneath it, and a leather jacket. He's absolutely beaming at the sight of you both - which if course he is, you're stood next to the most infectious smile in Hawkins. He greets you with the same motion he did in the cafeteria, “Long time no see,” he smirks. “Shall we?”

Eddie turns his nose up at swapping his Reeboks for “clown shoes”, while Chrissy notices that hers squeak if she slides her feet in just the right way and obsesses over it, trying to get a sound out of every step. 

Chrissy insists on "ladies first" as she writes her name without hesitation. She writes yours next, then Eddie's. It goes about the same as any other bowling game - though when you revel in getting the first strike, Chrissy pulls you in for a hug and practically throws you at Eddie to also hug him. 

He smells nicer than he does at school. You feel his laugh rumble in his chest, "Thank you? I'd put that down to Hawkins High smelling worse in general."

Shoot. You'd said that out loud. You play it off with a semi-awkward laugh and a, "Yeah, that's probably it!" 

Eddie gets the next strike, and Chrissy ushers you forward first to praise him. This tactic, admittedly, just genuinely puzzles you. Does she just want to be the most recent physical contact of his? But then why wouldn't she do the opposite when you got your first strike? None of it seems to make sense. Is this why she needs a wingman? Do you need to step in and intervene? You offer him a hug identical to the one he gave, and as much as you try to keep it as brief as possible, you can't help but linger just a little.

You try your best to not play your A-game, giving Chrissy the chance to try and impress Eddie all by herself, but she keeps hyping you up just as much, if not more. You try and play off like you're at least mildly disappointed, and Eddie ruffles your hair sympathetically. You glare at him and he chuckles, "C'mon, you promised me fries, didn't you?"

The three of you share the food between yourselves, Eddie eating the most, which he'd predicted and already "repaid" for by buying all your drinks. Chrissy excuses herself to the bathroom, and Eddie spots you eyeing a nearby claw machine. "You know there's a trick to those, right?"

Your brow furrows. "Isn't it, like, random? When the claw actually grips or whatever?"

Eddie taps his nose knowingly, "Trust me. C'mon," he gestures with his head and you follow him over to it. "Pick one."

You raise your eyebrows. "You're that confident?!" He nods, and you press your forehead to the glass as you choose, "That one. Teddy bear, black and curly hair."

"Just like me," Eddie smiles, taking a final loud slurp of his drink followed by an equally loud gasp. "Stand back, please." You comply, hopping back to watch over his shoulder as he explains his actions. "See, you're not wrong, but you can increase your chances, thanks to a handy little friend called physics. If we just keep, it, moving," he punctuates every pause with the press of a different button, aiming the claw so that it starts to swing, "so that it still wants to swing even as it comes up," his voice drawls a little slower as the claw descends, clutching your preferred toy in its grasp, "and then when it does," he pauses for effect to show you the claw swinging on its ascent, "gravity should keep it central enough as it swings back and forth that it should… Fall…" He extends each word until it drops into the shaft, where he extends his hands out proudly, "Right where you want it."

Your eyes are wide, fixated on where the best now sits. "And yet it's taken you how long to get a D grade?!"

He laughs, "Listen, if physics was taught through hotwiring cars and figuring out arcade game mechanics, I'd be running that class. Same as how I can count a 7d6 roll in seconds, but long division? When am I ever going to use that again, you know?"

“You’re a smart one, Mr Munson,” you smirk as he takes the bear out and hands it to you. Your breath hitches as you feel his fingers brush against yours, and you chide yourself for getting so flustered, not only over someone who a separate person has sought your help to set them up with, but over an action so basic.

Chrissy suddenly appears, bouncing between the two of you. “Ooh, what are we up to?” she asks in a delighted sing-song.

“Just showing off my mad skills," Eddie beams, leaning against the machine and holding his arms out to point at himself proudly.

Slightly dejected, you hand the bear over. "Yeah, look, he won this for you!"

Chrissy looks at Eddie with a face you can't quite read. Like she's questioning him. He returns the expression, and Chrissy shakes her head. "You hold onto it for now, come get another drink with me!" Less of an offer, more a warning as she takes your wrist and pulls you over to the vendor again. "So, talk me through this," she says when you're both definitely out of Eddie's earshot. "How could Eddie have won something for me when I wasn't even there?"

You shrug, "I dunno, but it seems to be going well, right? So, you want me to get out of you guys' hair now, or…?" After that brief contact, you're ready to go home and just scream into your pillow for all eternity.

"Why would - Oh! Oh. Oh, no," Chrissy goes on a whole journey of expression, from curiosity to surprise to realisation to bursting into a fit of giggles. "No, no, oh my god. Did you think that I was - that you were -?"

You look at her, totally lost. "I'm going to need you to please finish at least one of those sentences."

Chrissy holds back a snort of laughter before ordering just two drinks. "Oh god, you two are just precious little disasters, aren't you?" Your eyes narrow, and she holds your arm gently. "Okay, so I'm going to be the one to go, now, because my role here was to try and push the two of you together."

Chrissy's words echo in your head. So many thoughts consume you. She notices this and, after taking both drinks, guides you over to one of the designated booths for food, also waving Eddie over. He walks up to where you both sit, opting for sidling into your side. "Do I get to be filled in on whatever's going on here, or…?" Eddie asks, waving between the three of you.

"So, debrief time," Chrissy starts, placing her hands on the table. "Maybe I'm not the wingwoman I thought I was." Eddie's eyes go wide for a second before his expression becomes one of confusion. She continues, looking straight at him, "I, uh, accidentally led your date on to believe that I was the one who wanted to come here with you. So,” she slides the cups over to your side of the table, “I'm going to go now, you two finish these drinks and go play the one more game of bowling I already paid for, and I'll see you guys tomorrow, 'kay?" With one more slap of the table, Chrissy stands up, slides out of the booth and leaves.

Eddie sucks on his straw nervously while you play with the teddy bear sitting in your lap. You're the first one to break the silent tension, "So. Never thought to just, ask me out?"

Eddie chuckles humourlessly. "You live the life that I have, and matters of the heart become an unattainable luxury." You rest your head on his shoulder comfortingly. "Although," he smirks, "if you had just asked me out, I wouldn't have been caught longingly gazing at you from afar by Chrissy Cunningham, of all people."

You laugh, "Shut up," But Eddie shakes his head, his hair tickling your face in the process. He notices, and tucks it behind his ear.

"It's true! Since all cards are on the table, Chrissy caught me looking over at you last week, before your theatre friends caught you, and then next thing I knew, I'm being flagged down by the two of you, who are suddenly best pals," he crosses his fingers together.

"And… How long before that?" You ask tentatively.

Eddie shrugs his shoulder to gently jolt your head. "Nuh-uh, your turn first, I've already embarrassed myself enough." As you lift your head, you notice a flush of colour adorning his cheeks.

You, too, immediately turn red enough to blend in with the Coca-Cola sponsored furniture. "Um, well… We never really talked in middle school, but I remember thinking you were really cute, with your hair just growing out and the - the handwritten shirts you used to make, I always thought they were cool. I told my best friends at a slumber party, and they said you probably wouldn't even give me the time of day; I was younger and not skilled in any way to play in your band, so they told me you wouldn't care." Eddie's brow furrows, but he lets you continue. "Then, freshman year, I'd tried to join the school paper with my friends, but it was so not my scene. And I didn't know where else to go, but you just… Took me in, just like that. I told myself I wouldn't screw this up, that I'd only act on stuff if I knew it wasn't going to make things weird.  And now, ironically, here I am having the weirdest conversation of my life."

"So, good news about that, weird is kind of my thing," Eddie starts, amused. "You really liked me for that long, huh?" You nod, and he laughs. "So, whenever you would sit next to me on the bus, even when there were empty seats…"

You nod, cringing, "I thought that might be something, like the start of some kind of epic middle school love story, but you proved my friends right. You wouldn't even talk to me,” you shrug.

He smirks, "Because my freshly-teenaged brain had no idea how to approach the very first person he felt attracted to."

If this were a cartoon, there’d be steam blowing out from your ears, you’re that red. “Shut up,” you mutter with a shy smile, looking back down again at the toy in your lap.

“It’s true!” Eddie beams. “I just kinda thought that… I don’t even know,” he shakes his head. “I thought maybe you might be the one to bring up the fact that you would always sit next to me.”

“And I would always sit next to you in the hopes you would bring that up to me,” you giggle.

Eddie moves his knee to rest next to yours, “God, what a pair of idiots we were, huh.”

“Speak for yourself, I’m the one who didn’t even realise I was being set up on this date,” you admit sheepishly.

“I mean, there were moments today where I thought maybe I was the third wheel all along!” Eddie laughs. “So, I kinda get it.” He reaches over to gently poke at the bear. “Got a name for him yet?”

You hold it up onto the table. “Yeah, Teddy Munson, after his dad,” you gently nudge him with your shoulder and he laughs. “He’s got your hair.”

“Yeah, but he’s got his mom’s cuteness,” Eddie looks sideways at you, the smallest of smiles tugging at the corners of his lips.

Taken aback, you scoff, “Oh sure, now he’s smooth!”

Eddie’s loud laugh fills your ears, causing your smile to reach them, too. “Well, now he knows he’s got a shot. Better late than never, right?”

“In that case, you should know that I totally botched that last game on purpose,” you nod.

Eddie leans back in his seat, a cocky half-smile adorning his face as he looks at you with head cocked and an arm draped across the back of the booth seat. “Oh, yeah? Sure you did.”

“Sorry, remind me, uh, who was it that got the first strike? And then suddenly got way worse? How do you explain that?” you lean back to match his energy, the adrenaline of a half-lifelong crush finally being actively reciprocated charging you.

“I’d call that a fluke, but it’s okay. Whatever helps you sleep tonight,” Eddie’s arm reaches up to once again ruffle your hair. In doing so, he ends up at a closer proximity to you. Oh, you could just lean in a fraction and simply smooch his smug face clean off of him right there and then, but your competitiveness just gets the better of you.

“Fine. Chrissy said she bought us a game, right? Let’s go,” you gesture to the alleys, and he hops out of the booth by pushing himself up to perch his feet on the seat and then vaulting over the back. You clap at his acrobatics and he bows his signature bow at you, before offering his hand to help you out. You take it, carefully shuffling out of the booth while also holding the teddy to your chest, explaining softly, “I’m bearing precious cargo, here.”

Eddie snorts, “Bear-ing,” while pointing to him, and you roll your eyes. “C’mon, you love it,” he drawls as you jokingly start to walk towards the exit, but he tightens his grip on your hand and instead pulls you over to the counter. Apparently, Chrissy had already explained the situation to the girl who was working, having given her a brief description of who to look for.

You take on the responsibility of writing your names on the card beneath the projector, while Eddie drapes himself over you. With a laugh, you ask, "You good?"

"Who, me? Sorry, my presence isn't too distracting for you, is it?" 

"So is your tactic to annoy all your dates, or am I just the lucky one?" You ask with amusement.

"Oh, yeah. you mean the absolute hordes of people just lining up for a night with ol' Eddie, you're gonna have to beat them all off with a stick if you want a shot!" He yells sarcastically as he dramatically prances around you, making you laugh harder.

"Right, but I can't be your first date, surely?" You ask. You've never seen him with anyone, but you never know. Maybe he's more of a casual guy. Maybe even this is casual. Maybe, considering how wrong you were about Chrissy, you should stop making your own assumptions and wait for him to tell you.

He shrugs, "I've been on plenty of double dates where I've been the buffer-slash-distraction, but I've never really clicked with any of those. Let me put it this way - I bully the people I hold dear to me, and you're the only date I've bullied."

"I think there's a compliment in there somewhere," you pull a face, eyes darting around as you try to piece his sentence together. 

"Alright, hotshot, let's see what you got," Eddie smirks, patting your back.

"Ooh, he's a poet! Can I expect a Corroded Coffin song about me, soon?" You grin, picking out your preferred ball.

"Yeah, it's gonna be called Humble Pie, 'cause that's what you'll be eating soon," he pinches your nose between his index and middle knuckles before gesturing towards your lane. "The floor is yours."

Taking aim and bending low, you take the shot and nail it, watching all the pins fall with glee in your eyes. You swivel round to grin at Eddie, "See?"

"Yeah, yeah. Don't think I'm not onto your little distraction technique, bending that far just to bowl," Eddie raises his eyebrows.

You narrow your eyes, gesturing to the other lanes, “It’s a legitimate strategy, Eddie, look at everyone else.”

Eddie barely glances over at them before stepping towards you. “No, I think you’re definitely doing it on purpose.” He closes the gap between you, looking down as he drawls, “I’m onto you, kid.”

Yet again, you could just give into temptation, grab his face and kiss him. Let him think of nothing else for the rest of the game. But then, perhaps that’s his plan for you. Regardless of how the game goes, your flirting’s become a competition in itself now. And you’re going to win.

You do lean in. You watch his eyes flicker down, his lips twitch. And then you pinch his cheek, “Your turn, big boy.” You walk back to the bench, and take a little extra pride in the oooh you can hear as he blows a breath out while he watches you.

On every good shot you get, you gloat. On every bad shot you get, you completely avoid Eddie, despite him chasing you around to goad you. On every good shot of Eddie’s, you pull a sarcastic look at his celebrations. 

On a particularly bad shot of Eddie’s, you pout as you tease condescendingly, “Aww, could somebody not keep the ball out of the gutter? Poor thing.”

“Alright, now I am gonna have to stop you there, unless you want all this to go to waste,” Eddie points out with another drawl.

“And why would it go to waste?” you ask, folding your arms. “That’d only be the case if we both forfeited, which isn’t -”

Eddie stands close to you to murmur, “Keep that tone of voice up, and I’ll be forfeiting us both into the back of my truck, if you catch my drift.”

Normally an admission like this would render you floored, but you’re competition-fuelled-adrenaline-filled now. You narrow your eyes, “Using theoretical sex as a distraction technique, Munson? A low blow, even for you.”

“God, you are doing so many things for me right now,” he growls. “And I’d show you how non-theoretical that promise is but, uh, I think Gramps and the crew might have something to say,” he jerks his head over to the team of older bowlers in the lane next to you.

You bite your lip. “Loser of the game has to get the winner off?”

“Deal.”

When Chrissy calls you up the next morning, you tell her of how you and Eddie kissed for the first time as a celebration of the result of that second match. You opt to leave out the part that took place inside the van, where Eddie came in his pants while moaning your name between your legs as he devoured you to your climax.

[finniestoncrane]

Your One True Nemesis

Chapter 27: also on AO3 Masterlist Here Arkham!Riddler x Female!Reader, word count: 1.3k womp womp he fucketh up because it's all he KNOWS 💚 request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: literal high school fuckin drama, angst, jealousy for real

In the kitchen, you prepped the tray of coffees. You laughed softly at the fact there were enough mugs to serve Eddie’s guests, something you’d never noticed before. He struck you as a “one plate, one fork, one knife, one cup” kind of person, extending it to two of each thing when he begrudgingly accepted you into his space. But he was prepared. Typical.

Still, the discovery that he was open and ready for socialisation wasn’t as surprising as the fact he was actually willing to socialise in the first place. Of course, it was an effort of communication and information swapping, bartering pieces of gossip, facts, and possibly materials and aid, all in the name of mutual benefits. It was exciting. You hadn’t known Eddie to speak to any of the other well-known criminal mainstays in Gotham, and the first time you had seen him interact with one was Oswald. And that didn’t exactly go well.

Carrying the tray as carefully as you could, not wanting to embarrass yourself, or Eddie you supposed, in front of his rare guests, you made your way to Eddie’s office, just as he was welcoming the final invitee on the attendance list of his makeshift get together.

“How nice to see you, Dent. Still relying on that coin to make decisions rather than faultless logic and cognitive prowess?”

You stifled your small smile as you waited behind Harvey Dent, Two Face, waiting to enter the room and place the coffees and the milk and sugar on the desk. Harvey noticed you as you shifted around him, raising an eyebrow and turning to Eddie, making a questioning face, who in turn shifted his focus to you with a scowl.

“Yes, thank you, hurry up. You can go now.”

Rolling your eyes, you left the room with a quick, polite smile to the others in the room. Harvey, Harley, and Jervis Tetch all stood awkwardly in Eddie’s small office, the only place he was willing to let them see. You waited outside, listening in as best as you could. It was annoying that Eddie hadn’t let you stay. You were his colleague after all. But you were apparently not on the same level as these people who were strangers to him, compared to you. At the very least, you deserved to know a little bit of the gossip. As you strained yourself to listen closely, you could only make out Eddie’s voice at first, delivering one of his signature rants.

“Well, my so-called peers, how kind of you to join me. I note that you all made it here today, which means you have passed my test. I cannot help but admire the spirit with which you must have thrown yourself into the task of solving the riddle on the invitation card, for which you are woefully under-equipped for, mentally speaking. I almost felt guilty when I contemplated organising this get-together and then hiding it behind a level of intelligence none of you possess. But not so guilty that I was going to call it off. So I will accept your silence and attention as thanks for my dumbing down of the riddle. You’re welcome.”

Even through the door, you could feel the others cringing and rolling their eyes.

Eddie was on the receiving end of these looks, poorly hidden. He furrowed his brows in irritation at the others in the room. As he opened his mouth to speak, Harvey interrupted him.

“First things first, Nigma. Who’s the goon with the coffees?”

There was an awkward pause, too long to remain unnoticeable, before Eddie spoke again.

“She is an assistant. My assistant. She works for me. Does things I don’t have time to waste doing.”

“Is that so?”

Harvey’s face portrayed a smirk, the tension suddenly thick. He shook his head slightly in response to Eddie’s silence, speaking up again, the inflammatory statement giving Harley an excuse to let out a giggle.

“Are you two… y’know?”

“Are we what?”

“Together… or at least… is she doing things you don’t have time to waste doing so your hands stay free?”

“What a ridiculous sentiment.”

Eddie spat the words out, his cheeks feeling suddenly warm. Harvey narrowed his eyes, focusing in on Eddie.

“Oh come on, it’s hardly far fetched, Nigma. You think there isn’t a precedent for this kinda thing?” I mean, Harley was definitely sucking Joker’s cock on the side.”

Suddenly enraged, Harley slammed her palms on the table.

“HEY! That was different! We were in love. Plus, I wanted to be with Mr J.”

Harvey nodded, sagely, with a cruel smile.

“And you don’t think that she wants to be with Eddie. I get it. You’re smarter than you look, Quinn.”

Jervis clasped his hands together softly, resting his elbows on the table, his chin on his hands, and smiled as he watched the argument unfold. Eddie stood up from his chair, throwing a finger in the direction of Harvey, pointing at his stiffly, finger trembling slightly as he hissed his retort.

“Oh, is that so? Well, I’ll have both of you know that she goes want me, in… a carnal manner. At least I am fairly certain of that. And given I am far more intelligent than the two of you, and Tetch, I would trust my own assumptions first. But I can tell you concretely and factually that she is 100% beneath me, and I wouldn’t offer her, or anyone else for that matter, the time of day, let alone my body. Because I can afford to separate the wheat from the chaff, unlike some of you people who will pounce at the first opportunity to expunge your OH- Hello… we were just getting into the meat of the discussions. Why have you interrupted us?”

At the climax of his grotesque rhetoric, you decided to open the door and put a stop to it. Without speaking, and under the guise of providing more milk for the table, you walked in and disrupted his flow. Without looking directly at him, you could see that Eddie’s cheeks had reddened. You could tell he was trying to determine how much you had heard of his rant, without admitting that he cared whether you knew or not.

“I’ve brought more milk, in case anyone needed it. Sorry to interrupt.”

Stuttering, lips quivering, Eddie tried to act as though everything was entirely normal.

“Yes, well… be quick about it.”

“Of course, Eddie.”

In his embarrassment, Eddie tried to usher you out of the door with trembling hands, worried that you might say something to take him down in front of the people he needed to look strongest for. And beneath that, suppressed by his own habit of ignorance, he was concerned that you might be hurt by his words. But your pleasant and neutral demeanour gave him a sense of security. Until you turned at the door way, smiling at him as you spoke.

“For the record, I was interested in Eddie. In fact, there was a physical aspect to our relationship. But there’s no need for him to worry. I’ve moved on.”

With a cold smile, you closed the door behind you, sighing, almost comforted by the recognition in the feeling of being let down by Eddie. Typical. But at least you got your shot in this time.

Beyond the door, Harvey turned to Harley, shrugging at her.

“I guess he wasn’t lying then.”

He turned to Eddie.

“You gonna gloat now, Nigma. Or can we get on with what we came here for?”

Eddie remained silent, staring at the closed door, unable to shift his mind from the questions that screamed inside his skull.

What did that mean? Who had you moved on with? And how could he get you back on side?

[shmothman]

Somewhere There’s a Light (I find it by your side)

A Judgement | Forgiveness One-Shot

Judgement | Forgiveness Masterpost

Read On AO3

Your part of the Fieldlands—Canalave, as people have begun to jokingly call it, as the well-traveled Avenue now basically dead-ends at your home—doesn’t get as cold as the Icelands, as both you and Volo know all too well; but the Hisuian winters still aren’t fun when the frigid air blows in from the ocean. Between your hearth and Volo’s loyal Arcanine, the interior of your house stays warm enough, but although you sometimes wish you could, you can’t spend the entire winter holed up inside.

“I think my fingers are going to fall off,” Volo grouses, for perhaps the hundredth time this week. He’s dressed as warmly as he can be in his fur-lined coat and hat, knitted scarf, and snow boots, but he’s always been sensitive to the cold—and he’s always been willing to complain about it.

You give a fond eye roll as you drop the reins of the sled you drag behind you, laden with firewood cut down by his Garchomp, your Kleavor—Volo carries a pack on his back, filled to the brim with sootfoot root, his fingers going numb where he clutches the straps. He doesn’t protest as you take his hands in your own, bringing them to your lips to breathe warmth into them, rubbing them together to bring feeling back to his fingers. 

His cheeks are already pink from the cold, but you know him well enough to be able to spot the way they grow darker at your touch, the way his gray eyes soften with affection as you meet his gaze. He breathes a sigh of relief that sends a puff of steam through his scarf and into the air between you.

“Better?” You ask, teasing, and you can see the way his smile lifts his cheeks.

He lets out a hum of appreciation, eyes fluttering closed at the warmth of your joined hands.

Truthfully, you’re loath to let go—your own hands were growing red and numb as well—but you’re almost done collecting materials for now, and you’d better get a move on so you can make it back before the temperature begins to drop in the evening. With a kiss to his knuckles, you let go of his hands, and he gives a pout as you resume your trek.

“Come on,” you laugh, “just one more patch of sootfoot root, and then we can go home.”

His shoulders hunch with his sigh of disappointment, but you know he’s only being dramatic. “Alright,” he relents. “But if I get frostbite, I’m blaming you.”

“If you didn’t get frostbite in the Avalanche Slopes, you aren’t going to get it now.”

“You never know,” he says, wagging his finger as he follows after you. “It can happen when you least expect it.”

You give a noncommittal hum. “If you get frostbite today, I will personally admit that I’m wrong and nurse you back to health.”

He seems satisfied by this, until you look over your shoulder and wink at Kleavor, saying, “after we chop your fingers off, of course.”

Kleavor snickers, and Volo cringes away as if struck, holding his hands closer to his body. “Alright, I take it back. I will not get frostbite.”

“That’s what I thought,” you laugh.

His haughty silence behind you lets you know that he’s sulking as Garchomp joins in on Kleavor’s laughter, but then you arrive at the clearing where the sootfoot root grows, and your joke at his expense is forgotten as you get to work plucking the tubers out of the frozen soil.

---

You both heave a sigh of relief at the warmth of your home, the fire kept lit by your Chimchar, today. He sleeps beside the hearth, snuggled into Arcanine’s fur. 

“Look at that,” you say sardonically as you pull your hat from your head and return Kleavor to its pokeball. “You didn’t even get frostbite.”

Volo lets out a bark of laughter, recalling Garchomp as well, and your heartbeat quickens as you grin back. “I don’t know,” he says, “they still feel numb.”

It’s an obvious ploy to get you to hold his hands again, and you know it—but given the fact that you also want to hold his hands, you play along. Stepping in close, holding his stormy gaze, you watch his expression carefully as you take his hands and cup them between your own. He’s moved his scarf down so that it no longer covers the lower half of his face, and you can see his lips curve into a gentle smile as you breathe warmth into his hands. There’s so much emotion in his gaze when his eyes meet your own: everything you’ve been through together, every moment of longing, of fear and guilt, then of love. Always love. He looks at you in adoration, and you know your expression matches his, your lips mirroring his smile as you brush his knuckles in a kiss. Both of your cheeks grow pinker.

Then, your grin goes suddenly wider as you drop his hands, reaching to pluck his hat from his head before he can react, revealing the mess of his straw blond hair beneath.

“Hey!” He cries, furiously patting it down as you dance out of reach. 

But you only laugh as the commotion wakes your pokemon, and Arcanine bounds toward Volo in excitement, nearly knocking him over as she tries to lick his face in greeting. 

“Down, Arcanine,” he splutters, now coated in drool. “Ugh!”

You laugh harder as you strip off your coat and hang it by the door, and by the time Volo has gotten control over Arcanine, he has a new cowlick from her messy kisses. She sits dutifully at his side, tail wagging.

Volo wipes his drool-covered hand on his coat with a look of disgust as you return to his side, still giggling as you undo the buttons of his coat for him. He sighs.

“Why do you delight in making a mess of me?” He asks, though his cheeks grow red as your eyebrows shoot upward, the double entendre of his words not lost on him.

He splutters slightly, but your look of mischief silences him. “Maybe because you make it so easy?”

Now his face grows very red, and you know that he’s about to deny your accusation—so you pull him down by his scarf to meet your lips, careful to avoid the side of his face that’s covered in Arcanine slobber. He melts into your kiss as easily as he always does, the way snow melts to reveal the spring flowers: calmly, inevitably. 

And warmth envelops you both.

Though, he can feel the way you start to grin, attempting to surreptitiously reach for his hair, and he grabs your wrist just before you can muss it again, worsening its already pitiful state.

“No, you don’t,” he says, and now there’s a spark of mischief in his eyes, a playfulness whose meaning you know all too well; and warmth very quickly gives way to heat as his lips find yours more forcefully, less cautiously. You balk at the wetness of his cheek against yours, but you can’t escape his hold now—not that you really want to.

The nudge of Arcanine’s wet nose against both of your faces breaks the moment, though, and you both splutter and laugh as she barks once, tail swishing, and Chimchar takes the opportunity to join the party, clambering up onto your shoulder.

“Alright,” Volo laughs. “We get it. Food first.”

And your home is, as always, full of love and laughter as everyone eats; a team—a family—that you never could have dreamed of. Sitting side by side with Volo at your hearth, you share a glance that contains it all: gratitude, certainty, love. For all you’ve been through, you’ve come out the other side stronger, happier—and now you can both chase your dreams, knowing you’ll always come back home to each other, to the warmth and the family and the love that you’ve built. 

When the sun has long since made its descent, when your pokemon have fallen asleep around you, when the fire has died down to cinders, your head rests against Volo’s shoulder, his hair soft against your cheek, his hand so warm in yours, his thumb stroking your knuckles. Quietly, you speak of your plans for the coming spring: the research you both will do, the excitement you’ll face. You lift your head to meet his eyes and they’re bright, that familiar passion burning just behind them. Your stomach turns somersaults as you smile.

“What?” He asks, trailing off in his talk of ancient architecture. In the fading light, you can’t see his blush, but you know it’s there.

“I love you,” you say simply, because it’s true. Because it will never not be true. Because it may as well be a fact of the universe, written by Arceus itself. 

His hand squeezes yours as he draws you closer, fingers reaching for your cheek. “I love you,” he replies, so identically certain. And his lips are rough from the winter wind, but so are yours, and your kiss is so soft nonetheless... until it’s not so soft, your hand drawing his shoulder closer, tighter against you, folding into you. His mouth yields to yours, his lips to your tongue, his skin to the tips of your fingers—and then you’re in his arms, stifling a yelp of surprise as he lifts you easily with a smile, carries you to the bed you share.

And he’s warm, and it’s love, and the quiet of your laughter, the fit of your bodies together, is the happily ever after you’ve always wanted.

[bloodyymaryyy]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The new students

Marcus and martinus x reader

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

(Okay so I haven't seen good or no cringe and i get it they were written in 2017/18/19/20 so the already existing fanfictions of marcus and martinus so I am gonna write a few

(I was in the fandom but then i stopped being in it in 2019/20 and i joined again a few weeks now so yeah lets go i guess and have fun ?))

A girl that live an normal and ordinary life with her parents and her brother, in Norway specifically in trofos her life came up side down when certain twins came into her life and made things

Y/n pov

I heard that there is gonna be new students so I was excited to see them and greet them. I wouldn't say that I was much popular in my school but I have many friends and bonds with almost everyone so I know everyone in my school so it would be cool to get to know the new students.

I got ready brush my hair, wash my face and get ready for school.

Going to the kitchen for a snack and when I finished I grabbed my backpack and I was out of the door and I walked to school with my headphones on and music playing to my ears, I got to school and I arrived early just as always and I was waiting for my friends to came to school so we can hang out a bit before our classes start. (I am not American so if I make a mistake with the classes and how it works forgive me and correct me)

When they finally arrived, we talked about everything and nothing, when the bell rang we got up from the place we were sitting and headed over our first classes, I wasn't with any of them but that is totally okay, I almost got to class but the principal called my name I looked at him and went over there to see what would he wanted from me

Principal

Good morning Y/n how are you today?

Me :

Good morning sir I am fine, what could I do for you?

Principal

I wanted to ask you if you could help the new students and give them a tour around the school, and don't worry about the class I notifed them that you won't be there, so take your time with it.

Me:

Oh yeah of course and thank you sir

He then turned on his heels and I followed him to his office that a family was talking, when the principal entered with me in his tail they stopped talking and they looked at me

I was now in front of the family and beside the principal and he started to talk

Principal

Well this is y/n she is going to give you a tour around the school informe you about everything and the rules and yeah that pretty much it

Me:

Well hello If you could just follow to get started with everything.

I started to walk to the exit and they followed after me

The boys pov

We were talking to our family until we heard the door open and saw the principal enter the room and a beautiful girl behind him, she moved from behind him and went in his side and directly in front of me and my brother, the principal said that she is going to take us to a tour and I learned that her name is Y/n a beautiful name for a beautiful girl like her and she then walked out and we said goodbye to our family and followed her out of the office. We introduced ourselves to her and we started slow,

Y/n

Well I wanna lose the whole day so we are doing it slow but as you guys know, I am Y/n and you?

Me

Well I am marcus and he is martinus we are twins . I said pointing at my brother

Y/n

Welp you look alike so I figured you were. So shall we?

She gestured at us to follow her, she started to talk about the school people that we should avoid, comments about the teachers and snarky comments and jokes about everyone and everything , later her friends tagged along and we were just walking with each other and later the day ended and she took us to the principal to get our schedules and leave but not before she gave us her number.

Y/n

You are pretty cool to be around, see ya later I guess.

We said our goodbyes and she then waved at us and I guess went to her house

[anonymousj3ster]

Chapter 5- Key Motivators

I walk down the hall, an ache in my right leg- or rather, the orange stick that curled at the 'foot'. Even when Caine was still around, it would bother me a little, but now that everyone was starting to feel a bit more alive- hungry, thirsty, tired- the aches had gotten worse and more frequent. It was longer than my other leg, forcing me to have to swing it forward instead of just being able to take a step, and having it thud onto the ground sent soft shoots of pain up it. I grumble under my breath as I walk. Step. Swing. Step. Swing. Step. Swing.

"All right, my little superstars!" Caine's obnoxious voice booms cheerfully. I turned away from Gangle, getting up to leave. I had only joined this freakshow a month ago, and was already dangerously close to punching the ringmaster in the face. The only bearable part of this place was Ragatha's kindness, and Gangle's company, but even they got on my nerves every so often. I sigh and stand up. Well, that and the fact that I was the only person in the circus who could change their appearance. Caine had given me a box full of parts, which I normally tried to switch up everyday. Today I had gone with a tentacle arm and a crab claw, an antler on my head, and two mismatched colored legs: one blue, one green, though they were both normal legs.

As Caine droned on about days torment adventure, I walk off, determined to not be dragged into whatever misery fun he had planned for today.

"Zooble, my colorful cluster of parts!" Caine calls suddenly. I freeze, reluctantly turning to face him. The pair of teeth floats closer to me, until his eyes were only a few inches from mine.

"I notice you haven't been participating lately in the adventures!" He begins. Of course I haven't. It always ended in someone getting hurt, or lost, or scared. Jax would try to steal one of my parts, or I would somehow lose one. Then at the end Caine would finally let us do whatever we wanted, thinking we had all had fun while really we had all been pushed to our breaking points. Again. And again. And again.

"As you know, these fun little exploits help keep you sane, so it's very important you take part in them to keep your mind healthy and stimulated!" He rambles. "Which is why today, I've decided to motivate you a bit more!" I eye him suspiciously. What did he mean...?

He snapped his fingers, and suddenly as the cool parts I had picked to wear this morning were gone, replaced with white, heavy, unwieldy limbs that were hard to move. He zooms away from me up the the stage, where he hovers.

"Which is why todays adventure is...." He snapped his fingers again, making large letters appear. "Find the Pieces! Your pal Zooble's pieces have been scattered around the circus, and you have to find each one! Whoever finds the most will win!" I stare at him for a moment, shock slowly fading away and turning to rage. Jax bursts out laughing.

"Oh, this will be fun." The rabbit sneers, already running off. I try to chase after him, but my new limbs felt like 50-pound weights had been strapped to them. Ragatha walks over, a sympathetic look on her face.

"Do you need help?" She asks softly. I reluctantly nod. "Yeah...maybe if I..." I cringe inwardly at my next words. "Lean on you it might help?" The doll smiles and moves to my side, patting my arm awkwardly as I slowly shift a bit of my weight onto her. I hated needing people. I hated needing to have people help me. I hated feeling useless.

Kinger stares at us for a moment before slowly wandering off. I watch him with a bit of concern. It had only been a few weeks since Queenie abstracted, and he had been acting...strange. Wandering about, blurting out random nonsense. Not acting how he used to. Though now that I thought about it...I couldn't quite remember what Kinger used to be like.

I snap myself out of my thoughts as I see a tragedy-masked coil of ribbon make her way over to me and Ragatha.

"W-we should probably start looking for your p-parts Zooble." She suggests softly. I nod and take a slow step forward, leaning heavily on Ragatha. "Sorry." I mumble.

"It's fine Zooble! I don't mind helping you!" The ragdoll chirps cheerfully. I roll my eyes a little and take step after step, Gangle trailing after us.

We make slow progress. It seemed like every 10 minutes I needed to rest, to stop moving these useless rubber limbs, to try and ease the aches forming in them. Finally after what seemed like hours we find some arms, an antennae, and a leg- or, at least what I guessed was a leg. It was more like an...orange spiraly thing, but I switch one of the heavy legs Caine had given me with it anyways, thinking anything would be better than that.

I was wrong. I could barely balance on it, having to lean on the bright doll even more. We find a few more parts, until finally-

"Maybe we should split up? We can find more of your parts then!" Ragatha blurts, breaking the hours-long silence. Seems like hours of having to help the cripple were finally getting to her. "You can stay continue with Gangle, and I'll maybe go check some of the places we missed, ok?"

I nod, glaring at the ground as she gives me a sympathetic smile. "Great! We'll get your parts back in no time Zooble!" She chirps, before scurrying off. I stay sitting for a moment, before turning to Gangle.

"You think your able to help me walk?" I ask. She nods, quickly rushing to my side. I slowly stand, wobbling a little and gently leaning the slightest bit on Gangle. There was no way the poor girl would be able to hold me up the way Ragatha had. I focus on swinging the orange leg in front of me as I walk, only to fall flat on my face.

"Zooble! Are you al-" Gangle gasps, but I quickly manage to stand, brushing off her concern. "I'm fine." I grumble, starting to walk again. Step. Swing. Step. Swing. Step. Swing. Fall. Get back up. Step. Swing. Step. Swing. Step. Swing. Step. Swing. Fall again. Get back up again.

We continue the 'adventure' in silence, but it wasn't awkward. It was quite comfortable actually, not like the strained, awkward one with Ragatha. Because when Gangle looked at me, there wasn't any pity. There was concern, yes, but not an 'Oh, poor you!' kind, or a 'Do you need my help?' kind, or even a 'Are you sure your ok?' type. It was more of a 'I'm here' look. An 'I get it' look. It almost seemed like she was trying to say 'I get you'. But I knew I must be imagining it. After all, how could two black blotches and a slash convey those looks?

Just as I was about to break the silence-

We were back in the main part of the circus, in front of the stage.

"Well, my little superstars, it seems like our friend Jax has won the game!" Caine booms, hovering above everyone else, who had also been teleported here by the obnoxious pair of teeth. I glare at Jax, who was smirking and surrounded by a pile of my parts. "And, as per usual game rules, our purple pal gets to pick a prize!" He continues.

"Caine, I already know what I want for my 'prize'." The rabbit drawls, looking straight at me. "I want..." He trails off, eyes dropping to my useless 'leg' as I shift it, trying to keep my balance. His dickish smirk becomes wider.

"I want Zooble to have to wear that orange...thing...forever. For them to never be able to switch it out for one of their old ones." He says slowly. Caine frowns for a moment. "Are you sure Jax?"

"Oh, I'm sure." Jax says snidely. Caine shrugs, then snaps his fingers. "NO-" I snarl, lurching forward at the ringmaster as all of my other legs that few in piled around the other prisoners player's feet vanished. I stumble and fall flat on my face, silently fuming as I hear the purple dickhead burst into laughter.

I slowly stand up and turn to him, hands curling to fists, feeling a dark rage curl around my chest, about to punch the teeth out of his fucking grin-

I feel a soft tap on my shoulder, and my head snaps down to snarl at whoever was fucking bothering me-

A tearmarked mask gazes up at me. "It's not worth it." She whispers softly. I stare at her for a moment, before slowly relaxing, my fists loosening. No, it wasn't worth it. Jax wasn't worth it.

I nod, and walk right past the rabbit, not even sparing him a glance. I hear him call after me as I walk to my room, one hand on the wall to keep myself from toppling over.

That orange piece of plastic never came off.

"Zooble?" A soft voice calls. I flinch as it drags me out of my memories. I spin around to find the ribbon creature standing behind me, but this time she was smiling. "Are you ok?" I nod quickly, walking the last few steps to my door, ready to vanish inside for a few hours, try to sleep, the only form of escape in this place, despite what the jester claimed. Just as I put the yellow-clawed limb I had chosen to use today on the doorknob, I hesitate.

"I...wouldn't mind having some company though." I ask tentatively without turning back around to face the comedy mask. Theres a short pause, and just as I go to turn the handle, she speaks up.

"I wouldn't mind being with you." Gangle says. I nod, opening the door, but instead of slamming it in her face like I normally do with everyone, I hold it open for her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I groan and blearly open my eyes, head pounding, a mild ringing in my ears. I slowly sit up, rubbing my face. I stare blankly around the blue room I was in, before it all comes flooding back to me. The carnival. Bubble. The door.

If only my memories of my real life came back to be as quickly as these ones did. I get to my feet, staring at the door. My brow furrows as I examine it. What had seemed like a normal door before now had some sort of keypad installed next to the handle. I experimentally press one of the buttons.

I jump backwards as blue panels spring up all around me, semi-transparent, each one having numbers, symbols, and letters. I stare uncomprehendingly at them, before a word hovering high above the panels catches my attention. ENTER PASSWORD.

I frown, before stupidly punching in the first thing that came to mind- password.

PASSWORD INCORRECT.

I sigh, turning around to walk around the panels since they were blocking me from getting a better look at the door-

But they surrounded my on all sides. I panic, stumbling backwards into the other panels. I duck down, trying to go beneath them. But they moved to block me.

I feel my breathing ramp up, feeling like a python had curled around my chest, strangling me as my panic rises. No. No. Nononononono. Not again. Not more. I was already trapped in this place to begin with. I can't be trapped even more. I had to leave-get out-escape-

My eyes snag on a word near the bottom right of the nearest panel. Exit.

I hear a delirious laugh bubble up from me as I stare at the button. No. No way. Of course it wasn't- it couldn't possible be- it was a way to get out of the panels not out of-

But yet. But yet but yet but yet. Dumb hope swells in my heart as I practically punch that word-

And the panels vanish. Just the panels. Not the room. Not the carnival. Not the circus. Just the panels. Just as I knew they would. But I still feel something curl up and die in my heart. I giggle, slowly backing away from the door, tugging on the ends of my fool hat, stumbling and twisting to face away from that door, away from where the red herring had led me, away from all of it, back to my little hell. I'm still giggling as I enter the circus tent, retreating to my room.

The fool couldn't hear the rumbling beneath her feet over her laughter.

[randomreadingtimewithtsuki]

Hello, how are you? I wanted to tell you that I loved your work because they are great! Would it be possible to ask for a story with Chika shihoin from bleach? Or the context tightened that the reader is new to the second division and was afraid of chika because of her reputation as a bloodthirsty in combat but finally, she gets to know him and falls in love with him and it's reciprocal. Sorry if my request may seem long, thank you in advance!!!

Hello!

I am fine! Thank you for asking! How about you?

Thank you for reading my work!! I am glad it is of your liking! It makes me very happy!

Forgive me for the delay! I am overwhelmed by the quantity of requests I got :c anyway!

I hope this next piece is also good! So let me know what you think!

Tsuki's note: NJ stands for new joiner and VC vice captain. I did not want to come up with a name lol. That 's all!

--------------------------------------------

Today was your first day as a shinigami. You, along with a few others, joined squads that had lost someone during battle. You were placed according to the skill you showed in the test and you ended up in the second squad.

Now, becoming a shinigami wasn't exactly a dream, but you were, what people call, a genius. You were born with overwhelming power and you had to channel it somewhere and becoming a shinigami was your best shot.

The reason why becoming a shinigami wasn't on your list? Well, a war was about to break out and all squad captains were known for being violent and bloodthirsty.

That being said, you were beyond nervous to ,eet your squad. You and another guy were the only additions to the second squad. The guy seemed confident and a little arrogant too.

As soon as the door to the squad area opened, you were greeted by a veteran member. She mentioned the captain was waiting for the new members, but she also looked surprised, no, disappointed to see only two new recruits.

She walked to the main building doors and you could feel sweat running through your back. The captain was waiting. He was waiting for you, what kind of lunatic would Chika be?

She opened the door and motioned for you two to bow:

Veteran: Captain! The new recruits are here!

The captain was holding a few papers, probably reports. He was frowning when reading, which made you shiver a bit more, but as soon as he heard the announcement, his expression became lighter:

Chika: Oh, finally! But… only two?

The veteran sighed loudly:

Veteran: Yes, that would seem to be the case sir.

Chika: Hmm… Well, beggars can't choose. Welcome you two, please introduce yourselves.

You allowed the other newcomer to go first, when he was done you tried your best to sound calm:

Y/N: I am Y/LN Y/N, sir!

Your voice cracked a bit in the end and you cringed at yourself. Nobody seemed to notice or perhaps it was a common occurrence. Suddenly you heard the captain's voice again:

Chika: Nice to meet you. I am Shihoin Chika, the captain of the second division. Now, take them to their quarters and show them around.

The veteran bowed, rushed you two out and closed the door. Your tour started with a few explanations here and there and thanks to that you started to calm down again.

You were left with a few duties that new Joiners usually did. But before you could be assigned to any other task or mission you had to do a test to your strength.

According to the veteran, it was, theoretically, to select your partner or team for missions and which one you could attend. But the word theoretically, scared you a bit and it was explain:

Veteran: it's usually how it goes, but we cannot afford luxuries. Our squad is shrinking and the captain said it is useful to actually see what you can do.

She shrugged at her own explanations, she seemed to think of this as a waste of time. The test in itself was quite simple: to fight the vice captain, with trying to kill each other, of course.

When the time came for the test, Chika was watching. His whole attention on the two of you, ,are you nervous again and it didn't go unnoticed by your colleague:

NJ: What? Did you bargain for your entrance?

Y/N: No! It's just… unnerving to be watched…

NJ: Scared of the captain? He is quite the monster, so I've heard. Quite cool eh?

Y/N: I have heard it too…

The calling of the vice captain made you stop chatting. Once more, you allowed your colleague to take the lead. They fought for nearly 7 minutes when Chika told them to stop.

Well, then, it was your turn to fight. You took a deep breath and tried to forget about the watching eyes of a monster and your colleagues. You managed to turn off everything except for the vice captain in front of you.

Your fight seemed to last forever, but at the same time it went on a blink. When you heard the captain's voice, you realized the damage you have caused around you.

You could hear the captain whistle from where he was:

Chika: Impressive! We have promising new joiners, hm?

He was smile. You had to admit, the man did have a nice face. Suddenly you heard his voice from behind you and a hand on your shoulder:

Chika: I have decided that you, Y/N, will be with the Vice Captain and you NJ, you will be under with veteran, ok? Be sure to train them properly!

He was smiling at you. The surge of mixed feelings came up, he didn't seem like a horrible monster, but they never do look like it, do they?

Apparently you made some kind of expression at Chika and he did notice. He cocked his head slightly to the side. But he didn't say anything just patted your shoulder and sent everyone off to their chores, missions and duties.

The vice captain approached you to give you some instructions. In the middle of them he mentioned aiding the captain and delivering reports. At that you froze right away:

Y/N: You mean… those are part of my duties too, sir?

VC: Yeah, of course. Something wrong with it, Y/LN?

Y/N: No! No, sir!

You were dreading those encounters with the captain. You swallowed hard before following the Vice Captain around.

As days went by, that feeling did not get better. Actually it got worse, but you did your best to remain neutral in his presence. You saw one day, Chika came back drenched in blood and he had gone with 2 shinigamis, but no sign of them.

His behavior didn't change much, sure he was serious and giving orders here and there, but besides that? Not so much. Still had that arrogant air to him.

You were asked to bring the 4th squad to help the captain and aid them with whatever they needed. You didn't know if he was injured or not because he was awfully bloody.

You were standing outside the room where the captain was being treated. When the squad left, you bowed and didn't dare to look inside the room and stayed at the door frame. As you were to close the door you heard your name being called:

Chika: Y/N? Came here for a moment.

You sighed. You lifted your head and directed your gaze to the floor. But you could see him seated on the bed:

Chika: Y/LN, what's wrong?

The question took you off guard. You pondered a bit before replying:

Y/N: … I am sorry I don't know what you mean, sir.

Chika: You seem a bit… uncomfortable, here.

You blinked. Well, that was true, you were:

Y/N: I… I suppose I am only a bit astonished, sir.

Chika: Astonished? All the time?

You didn't reply:

Chika: You see, I noticed you are not a big fan of being around me.

You flinched. No point in beating around the bush, but you couldn't be so straight forward right?

Y/N: Forgive me if that was the impression I gave. I am not used to this… system.

He hummed. It was silent for a bit before he said you could go. You were relieved when he announced that, but as you closed the door he announced:

Chika: Hey, Y/LN, let's spend some time chatting, hm?

You didn't reply, just bowed and closed the door. A bit of time chatting? About what?

Soon you were to find out. With the captain needing to rest, he stayed around the squad area and the shinigamis were deployed on his instead. You too, of course. He would ask for the Vice Captain, accompanied by you to deliver the messages about new missions and what not.

When you were accompanied by the Vice Captain the conversation shifted a bit. He asked how everyone was doing, if someone died, if there were new people, if the squad members put together.

You started seeing a caring side to him. When Chika got better and back to doing his regular duties, he was his usual self, a bit arrogant, grinning and sometimes drenched in blood.

One day as you sat by yourself outside after returning from a patrol gone bad - a Quincy killed a few hollows before you got there and managed to hurt a fellow shinigami badly.

You were a bit sick how the sky could be so clear and blue, with so much fighting happening. Your thoughts were cut short:

Chika: Yo! Y/LN, how it going?

You jumped. You felt your heart stop at his sudden voice, it was coming to your right. He was indeed, crouching next to you, with a grin on his face:

Chika: Oh, sorry, didn't mean to scare you. Can I sit here?

You nodded. Heart was racing like mad at his sudden appearance:

Chika: So, have you gotten more used to it here?

You were slightly confused by what he said. Then you remember the little white lie you told a few days back:

Y/N: Ah… yes. A little bit, sir.

Chika: Hmm… Well you did stop frowning at me!

Your cheeks got on fire. Maybe you weren't as subtle as you thought:

Y/N: I, I am… sorry, sir.

He smiled at you. Were you getting more comfortable around him? He sighed:

Chika: It doesn't get any easier, you know? But with time I guess it just… numbs away.

You blinked at him. Oh, he probably knows someone died. He was trying to comfort you?

Y/N: I suppose it won't ever be…

Chika: No, but we need to do our best for who remains. That being said, Y/LN, don't hang out here on your own for too long, it gets depressing.

You smiled at his remark:

Y/N: Is that why you are here, sir?

He raised an eyebrow and made a surprised face. That soon changed to be a huge grin:

Chika: Yeah and this is the first time I see you smiling, Y/N.

You froze. Huh, was it? Chika got up and ruffled your hair:

Chika: I need to get going. Don't push yourself so much, ok?

Only after he left did you realize he called you by your first name and not the last. That made your face burn.

As time went by you relationship with Chika slowly improved. You saw he wasn't that much of a monster, most rumors started because he does come back bloody, but he has a caring side.

Instead of getting nervous around him, you started to get anxious in a positive way, you started to look forward to meeting him again.

Chika started to ruffle your hair more often, he leaned his elbows on your head too, you could feel like he was trusting you more to go on your own on patrols.

Sadly these cheerful moments were crumbling down when the announcement of a war finally came clean. In 5 days it would actually break out.

You were, again, sitting outside at night contemplating the starry sky. You were sad, because you knew many more would die, there was no peaceful solution.

You were brought back from your thoughts with gentle voice:

Chika: I thought I told you to not hang out alone for too long.

You jumped again. You hated how silent he could be. This time he didn't ask if he could sit next to you, he just did it. He was a bit closer too:

Chika: Y/N, how are you holding up?

Y/N: I… am just, here I guess, sir.

Chika: Just here? So not good nor bad?

You sighed and giggled a bit:

Y/N: I wish we wouldn't need to go through this.

Chika: Well, can't be helped.

Y/N: I know. I just don't feel like saying goodbye now to everyone.

Chika: To everyone?

Y/N: Yes, I don't know if I will be back or not, or who will be safe…

You could feel his stare on you. You placed his hand on the top of your head and turned it to face him. He was close now, your noses were almost touching:

Chika: You are not dying. I won't allow it.

You blinked at him, your face burning from the proximity:

Y/N: Captain… What are you talking about?

You sound a bit more rude than intended. He frowned a bit:

Chika: That you will be back. No If. And when this whole mess is over, drop the " captain" and " sir", will you?

Y/N: Drop it…?

Chika: Yeah, it feels wrong, when you say it.

He patted your head. He had a beautiful smile on his face, making your heart skip a beat:

Y/N: Why? It's what everyone calls you, sir.

Chika: Yes, yes, but you are not everyone.

He had the cheapest grin on his features now. You were sure your cheeks flared up even more to the point that your neck was red. You couldn't say anything.

But Chika, in the other hand, giggled at you:

Chika: Ah, Y/N, you are so cute.

You opened and closed your mouth like a fish. What you failed to notice was that his cheeks were also slightly tainted.

You both heard someone calling him. He sighed and got up, saying good night to you:

Chika: Y/N, don't stay up too late, go rest. You will need. See you tomorrow.

He patted your head one last time. You felt completely stupid at how you forgot every single word. As you returned to your quarters, you started to realize what he meant.

You entered your room and wanted to scream at your pillow. For once, you hoping this conflict would end soon and that his forecast and your wish were correct: you will survive with him.

---------------------------------------------

That's it! Thanks for reading!

Let me know what you think!

I may have gotten too much into it? Maybe?

[marriedtolike18fictionalmen]

Our Infinity of Stars (pt. 4)

Hey y'all!! Sorry its a bit later than usual, I totally forgot to do the timed posting thing. My bad lol

on an unrelated note:

ITS MY BIRTHDAY TODAY (gonna be honest, it wasn't the best one yet, but def not the worst...)

Anywho, as always, I appreciate you guys so much, hope y'all like this part, I'm close to done writing the story, just need to get it chunked out for posting.

Enjoy lovelies!!

After a long day, everyone gathered on a rock on the far end of the beach furthest down from the village, a place all the older kids liked to hang out. Tuk had wanted to go home, exhausted from the play and swimming of the day. The rest of us, The older Sully kids, my siblings and I, the metkayina kids, all started trading stories of our lives.

“Okay, I am dying to ask.” I had turned to where Neteyam sat across the fire from me. “How in the hell did you become Toruk Makto? The full story, not the half-assed version from the other day.”

A proud grin slid across his features as he launched into the story, sitting down next to me.

“I was in the midst of battle. The clan next to ours had been relentless and were closing in. My ikran, Seze, may the great mother reunite our souls, had been shot down. As I fell, a great shadow, the last shadow, dove after me. He extended a kuru towards me and safely got us to the rockface. I was, of course, terrified. I was injured, couldn’t walk, and he knew that. As I tried to hide away in a small cave I knew he couldn’t follow me into, he stepped in my path and hissed before extending the kuru again.

When we flew back into that battle, the last big battle, it rallied the spirits of the warriors. We somehow drove away those cowards. They haven’t been too much trouble since.

Anywho, it was easier to get more stuff to bring with us when we had Takutai with us, bigger back and stronger wings and all.”

The group stared wide-eyed at him, and I shared a smirk with Adib. “Somebody needs to be more original, one of the best warriors of his generation, Toruk Makto, became so the same way his mother became Palulukan Makto, c’mon ‘Teyam, be more original.”

“Somebody’s jealous.” He chided, wrinkling his nose at me.

Everyone laughed, and a new group of the other teenagers neared, introducing themselves as they sat down.

“Toruk Makto, that’s a huge title.” One of the girls, Leilani, commented to Neteyam, a hand brushing over his arm.

He pushed her touch away politely, “Yes, I just did what my people needed from me.”

I looked back towards the beach where a training party had just returned, their raucous laughter carrying over even the crash of the waves against the rock.

Everyone shifted as they neared, making room for everyone. I cringed as Ralak situated himself in between myself and Neteyam, knowing I was in for a long evening.

“Rani, what was the salve you gave me earlier? It worked wonders.” Adib’s voice drifted across the fire to me.

“It’s dapophet and a mixture of other roots.” I responded, happy for the distraction. “A recipe from back home, but with the numbing properties of some other plants from around here.”

Adib nodded, and Ninat started asking me more about the mixture. I shifted to go and sit next to her, shooting a small smile across to Neteyam and the Sullys as I went.

We talked more about our shared passion in healing, and sometime along Kiri joined in our conversations alongside Tsireya. The other girls formed their own group and the boys wandered off to do their own thing. After yawning for the fifth time in a row, I finally stood. “Sorry guys, I’m getting really tired. Gonna head home.”

The girls all agreed, and as a group we all walked back towards the village, separating once we entered it with soft goodnights and smiles.

“Princess! Wait up!” I turned to see Neteyam jogging up the beach towards me, and I stopped to let him catch up. “I’m surprised you're still out and about. Last I remember you had a strict curfew of two hours past eclipse.”

Laughing I replied, “Yeah, well that was your curfew, and I didn’t want to have to hang around your fan club after you were gone.”

He shoved me lightly. “They were not a fan club. More like stalkers who ruined half my solo-hunts.”

We continued to banter, stopping a bit away from the other mauris so we could continue talking without worrying about waking anybody, sitting down on the beach in a small cove area just around the corner.

“The water is so beautiful at night. I thought the forest had nice lakes and whatnot, but this is breathtaking.” Neteyam breathed, eyes focused on the water swirling around his ankles. He smirked as he looked over to where I had splashed the water to make the algae glow brighter. “Baby legs. You have to sit so much closer to the water to make your ankles reach.”

I feigned insult. “It’s not my fault your legs are like a gazillion feet tall!”

He laughed and splashed me lightly, not saying anything.

“I always preferred the stars.” I stood and moved back from the water’s edge, to where no trees would obscure my vision. “You can always find the same ones no matter where you are.” Neteyam laid down on the sand next to my feet, patting the spot next to him silently.

I sat down, immediately shivering at the cool breeze that had stirred up from across the waves, and Neteyam pulled me into his side, an arm around me to keep me there and awakening butterflies in my stomach. “How the hell do you always run so warm?” I asked, calming my voice and wrapping an arm around his middle to stay in his warm embrace.

He rubbed a large hand up and down my side, trying to create friction. “Not my fault you always run so cold.” he mumbled into my hair. I played with the beads of his songcord, rubbing my thumb on the reef shell he’d strung on to the end.

He shifted a little under me, and I glanced up. “My arm’s going a little numb.” He explained.

I shifted onto his chest, “Better for me, I get to be warmer.” I muttered against the necklace he always wore. A chuckle sounded through his chest, and I smiled at the sound, ignoring the tingling in my gut. We stared up at the stars, and I let my eyes slide shut as I listened to the rumble of his voice through his chest as he told me his father’s stories of life beyond the stars.

~ᐧ~ “What the hell is going on here?” I awoke to see Ralak standing over me, hands on his hips as he scowled at Neteyam.

I blinked the spots from my vision as I gathered my surroundings. “Shit, we fell asleep.” I groaned to Neteyam. He hummed in response, offering a hand to pull me up.

I saw as Ralak straightened up as if he was about to start something, so I made up some excuse of Tsahik Ronal needing Neteyam and I today.

We did end up at the tent, but there was no help the Tsahik needed, so we decided to go search out the other Sullys, who were sure to be with my brother. “I’m not going to go looking for Rina or Ateyo, I’m sure they’ll show up soon.”

“Maybe they’re all at the beach, they mentioned really liking that one spot with the shade one time.”

I nodded, and we set off in that direction.

“Aw, look at his little baby tail!” I saw the Metkayina boys circling around Lo’ak and Adib, who were pushing their way out of their grip.

“Leave us alone!” I saw Kiri standing off to the side, and without a second thought, both Neteyam and I ran towards the group.

Neteyam strode over to Aonung, shoving him off of Lo’ak as I put myself in front of Kiri, both of us knowing Adib can very well hold his own, but also that Lo’ak was young and angry, and Kiri was more of a pacifist.

“Leave them alone.” Neteyam growled out. He pushed a finger into Aonung’s chest, “back off.” He warned.

Aonung stepped back, hands raised in surrender.

“Good choice. And from now on, I’m gonna need you to respect my sister.” Neteyam looked at the group, making sure each heard his words.

The Metkayina boys had backed away, and I turned to see Kiri sticking her tongue out at them. I smirked, inclinding my head to signal them to leave. Neteyam pushed Lo’aks head as he turned, and I stood next to him, waiting for Lo’ak to start walking. I glanced back at Neteyam, who again tried to get Lo’ak to leave.

Lo’ak got into Aonung’s face, balling up a fist. I glanced up at the sky before making eye contact with Adib. “Hey, ‘Dib, I think Kiri wanted to ask you something.”

He nodded and walked away from the group, knowing it’d be too messy for him to get more involved. By the time he reached her, Lo’ak had already knocked Aonung to the ground, and Aonung was launching himself at Lo’ak’s legs.

They scuffled, and then one of Aonung’s goons slapped Lo’ak in the face with his tail.

Neteyam scratched his head, and joined in the fight. “You’re stupid!” Kiri shouted from next to Adib. Lo’ak was screeching about his tail, and was dragging a whining Aonung by the ear as he was pulled back. I giggled as I watched the fight, and after a few minutes saw that the Sully’s were outnumbered.

“That’s enough now!” I tried to stop them, but of course I was ignored. With an exaggerated salute to Adib and Kiri, I stepped into the fray and tried again to get their attention. Aonung tried shoving me out of his way, and within a second he was on his back holding his nose and curled in a ball. The fighting ceased, and I brushed off the sand from my leg as I straightened up. “Are you done?” I raised a brow at all the boys, then cringed as I heard Jake’s voice boom from behind me. “What the fuck do you think you are doing?”

~ᐧ~ “What was the one thing I asked? The one thing!” Jake had diffused the situation and was now shouting at the three of us, the boys sporting some cuts, bruises, and scrapes while I had only bruised knuckles.

We all hung our heads and answered, “Stay out of trouble.”

Neteyam stepped up, myself right on his heels. “It was my fault.”

Jake narrowed his eyes, ears twitching backwards. “I don’t think so. You gotta stop takin’ the heat for this knucklehead.”

Lo’ak stepped forward, “Look Dad, Aonung was Picking on Kiri. Called her a freak.”

Jake sighed, then sent us off to go make peace. He grabbed Neteyam and I before we could walk out. “So what’d the other guys look like?”

“Worse.”

“That’s good.”

Neteyam grinned, glancing over at me. “Alot worse.”

Jake sent us off, clearly looking to find Kiri to make sure she was okay. “C’mon “Teyam. Let’s fix you up.” The two of us ducked into my tent, and I grabbed a bowl of clean water and a towel to wipe up his scratches. “Sit on the counter, it’ll be easier for everybody.”

Neteyam compiled, and I settled myself between his legs as I started to carefully wipe at his wounds, crouching down to get a nasty one on his calf. I worked my way up, changing towels as I moved from his legs to his arms, and then again to his torso.

“Did it hurt to get these?” Neteyam asked as he traced the tattoo that ran from the side of my ribcage dowm my thigh, resembling the markings on Syura. His eyes were glued to my skin as he felt the slight raised texture of the marking.

I smiled, “At first, yes. But I had already gotten a few,” I shifted to show him the art on the inside of my bicep, “It’s an ikran made in the traditional Metkayina style.” I explained and his fingers traced the lines of it too.

One arm wrapped around to trace my spine, “And this one?” He whispered as he finally looked up at me.

I wrinkled my nose, “That one wasn’t very fun. I made it really simple on purpose.”

The hand that was still resting on my hip twirled me around, and he traced the linework of the simple pattern that ran down my back. “Your songcord?” Neteyam asked, resting his chin on my shoulder.

I nodded, and he leaned back to once again feel the swirls underneath his touch. “Your birth stuck between two clans, your siblings…” He trailed off, and I looked over my shoulder to a furrow on his brow. “Is this one Syura?”

“Mhm. Syura means energy, so energy symbols kinda in a very abstract shape of wings.”

His finger trailed to the next shape, “being old enough for curfew to be pushed back but still sneaking out for stargazing?”

“It was a fun experience!”

He huffed out a laugh, “Whatever you say, princess. Getting ranked as a top warrior, becoming part of my family, completing your tsakarem training, and this one?”

His hands had stopped on my lower back, near a large diamond shape. “That’s for when Ateyo officially stole my sister away. The next one too. Evil twins, ugh. Gotta hate ‘em.”

Neteyam grinned, “yeah, I can’t believe he won that bet.”

“What bet?”

Neteyam gaped for a moment, before sighing. “We kinda made a bet when we were like 12 over which one of us will get a mate first. I had to do any punishments Ateyo got for two months after he won.”

“And what if you’d won?” I asked, twisting around to face him.

“He’d have had to teach the soon-to-be warriors for two months. The ones who had decided that they already were ready to go off on their hunts and everything.”

I laughed, leaning into his chest as his arms once again hooked around to rest on the last marking on the chain. “And this one?”

“That’s for when we joined the Metkayina clan.” I pulled back to reach around him and grab a new cloth. “Close your eyes.” I softly instructed.

He complied, resting his hands on my hips again as I dabbed cool water on the black eye already forming. He hissed as I got to a particularly sensitive part, tapping twice on my hip in our silent signal of ‘it’s alright’ at my quick apology.

“Okay, you can open.” I stepped back to grab another, gentler salve for the cuts on his face. I applied the salve and lightly blew on it to help with the sting when I saw his face twitch in pain. “Must you always put others first? You protect your family, sure. Take the blame for Lo’ak every time, fine. But you don’t have to silence your pain just for me. I swear, I don’t feel bad in the slightest about making your wounds sting.”

Neteyam’s lips pulled into a wide grin, and this time he didn’t try to hide his wince as it pulled on the cut situated there. “And why’s that, Paskalin?”

I grabbed his chin and started wiping at the wound. “Paskalin? You haven’t called me that in ages.”

“Well, you’re sweet, and you like berries, so ‘sweet berry’ is a fitting pet name. You never answered my question though.”

I rolled my eyes as I grabbed the salve. “Like I said, you like putting yourself in danger too much, and you put everyone and everything above your own needs. This is my little revenge.”

The side of his mouth I wasn’t working on quirked. “So basically your ‘v’ is for vendetta?”

I lightly slapped his bicep, laughing at his pouting expression. “Pretty much, yeah you could say that. But seriously though,” I grabbed his face to make sure he was hearing me. “Stop putting others above yourself.”

He raised a hand from my hip, holding up his last finger. “Pinky promise.”

“You do know those are practically legally binding, right?” I said, hooking my own ‘pinky’ with his.

“I know. And I also know you’ve gotta-” he pecked my cheek “seal it with a kiss.”

I scrunch my nose before lightly placing a kiss on his nose. “Happy?”

“It’ll do.” He hopped off the counter. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have business to attend to.”

He strode to the entrance as I asked “What kind of business, exactly?”

He turned in the doorway as I gathered the towels from cleaning him up. “The kind where I ‘apologize’ and vaguely threaten that skawng for calling my sister a freak.”

I threw one of the towels at his head, which he deftly ducked and caught. “Nice try, paskalin!” He shouted as he walked away tossing the towel in his own mauri as he went.

“So you’re just fucking him now, huh?”

I turned to see Ralak’s tall frame standing right behind the side of my mauri, a disgusted look across his face.

“Were you eavesdropping the entire time?” I was shocked and backed away out of the entrance to my mauri

“Long enough to hear you kiss him. We ended things two months ago. They’ve been here a week at best. What-”

I had stopped listening, “I thought I told you to stay away from me.” I turned and started walking away, but his hand grabbed my wrist and stopped me, his face had morphed into one of pain.

“Please, ‘Rani. I asked you to be my mate, I proposed to you. Please don’t leave me like this. I can’t lose you.”

“You did the moment you went and slept with someone else the second we disagreed about something. I’m sorry you can’t live with your own actions, but that’s for you to figure out. Without me. Say hi to Leilani for me.” With this, I quickly walked the other direction from Ralak, not bothering to turn, the Tsahik always needs some kind of help. She’ll be able to stop Ralak as well, should he follow me.

[liminalpsych]

Treasuring the cringe

tl;dr: I found out that people are still reading a niche fanfic I wrote over the course of my entire adolescence, roughly two decades ago. But writing that story very literally kept me alive some days as a depressed, closeted teen, and so I treasure the story and have left it online even though I find it painfully, embarrassingly cringe-worthy at this point in my life.

Full story:

Just the other day, I joined a Discord about fanfic from my very first active fandom. I wanted to see what the fandom was like nowadays (I was honestly surprised to stumble across an active Discord server) and if there was anyone from back in my day. *shakes cane* “Back in my day” (in the fandom) was 1997-2005 or so. Maybe even later, through some of college. Age ~11 or 12 onwards.

I mention all of this, and the person in the chat says, “I think there’s not a lot of people here you would know of — most of us are new, young people who might not have been born in 1997” lololol okay thanks, I’ll just feel old then*.

They ask me if I’ve got any experience with fanfiction in the fandom. I answer yes, because my longest story I ever completed was in that fandom (worked on it from ~13 y/o right up until I turned 19), at ~110k words or so. They ask for a link.

Me: Ahahaha oh no, i wrote it over the course of my high school years and it’s … not held up but uh. Might still be on ye olde FFN, lemme see if I can find it

Me: anyway, please don’t judge me, I was young and dealing with a lot 😉 *links the fic*

Other person: Oh look it’s that one!

Me: oh no

Them: I’ve read it multiple times!

Me: oh whew

Them: It’s the top place on the TV Tropes Fanfic Recs page for the fandom

Me: …I can never show my face in the fandom again.

Another person chimed in with a very lovely reframe: "Be proud of younger you, for if not for them you would not be the person you are today."

Which is indeed a large part of the reason I haven't deleted that fanfic from the internet. Certainly it's divorced from my current internet presence, because I find it painfully cringe-worthy, and still get embarrassed when my memory presents me with some of the more questionable plot choices.

But when I felt the most despair, when I just wanted everything to stop, when I wanted to just not feel like this anymore, I grabbed onto any silly little thing to keep going. Just one more day, and then another.

And the fact that I hadn't finished the story was one of those silly little things that kept me going.

"I can't die yet, I owe it to my characters to finish their story."

"I can't die yet, people have been reading this story and deserve to get an ending to it first."

"I can't die yet, then I won't ever find out what happens." (I was a pure discovery writer/pantser at the time.)

So I let it stay up, because it was an important, influential part of my life, and in a way it saved my life on multiple occasions. And a story written over the course of several years, during a time of rapid personal growth and identity development, is a fascinating reflection of the that process.

I look back and I can see the anger I was denying in myself, the anger I couldn't express in my daily life, all expressing through the main character. I see an exploration of the relationship with my parents and authority and imposed morality and the hypocrisy of the structures imposing that morality, all things I was struggling with at the time. I see a reflection of my own trauma, the toxic family dynamic I grew up on, drawn in abstract allegory without even realizing it. I see the struggle with my own sexuality, closeted even to myself but showing up on the page. I can even see hints of my still-in-the-egg gender identity showing up in some of the narrative choices and POV characters, though I don't think anyone else would recognize it as such.

15-20 years later, I'm in such a better place. I'm consciously aware of many of the things I was subconsciously or unconsciously expressing as a teenager. I have a lot more hope, and a lot better relationships with myself and others now.

If you have access to your very early writing, it can be a cringy but valuable, insightful process to go back through it and see what you notice now. Things that were subconscious or unconscious at the time, but showed up in your characters, storytelling, genre, plot, dialogue.

* I don't actually have qualms about getting older. I was the youngest in my various friend groups for most of my life, so it's nice not to be the young one anymore. And you could not pay me enough to go back to my adolescence or my 20's. My thirties have been pretty great so far. I expect my forties will be pretty good too.

[lucielxbe]

NGS2P5. ⋆ interview; reflecting.

once more, and no more boring interviews. but luciel supposes he’ll give a bit more this time, it’s his last nextgen interview after all.

we’ve reached the end of the show, any words?

“at some point, i thought i couldn’t make it this far but i did. joining this show was… more than i could ever expect. i learnt a lot; both the good and the bad. now, i carry impactful experiences i don’t think i can ever forget. it’s amazing. i used to do singing as a hobby, but pursuing it professionally… these days, i really have thoughts about them. dancing isn’t bad either, it’s actually fun to give your all.”

what about rapping?

luciel gives an awkward laugh at that. he knows that he hasn’t shown much of his rapping ever since the first performance for do better. “you’ll probably see it after the show ends,” he makes a lighthearted joke.

you seemed to be getting closer with siwoo.

of course. this again. “we went for the movies, and even though we were silent for a good two hours, it felt more comfortable being in each other’s presence, enough for us to hangout longer after. it took up some practice time, but it was worth it. our synergy was greater than i thought. we exchanged contacts too, so that’s a huge bonus? haha~ i do find siwoo quite adorable actually, enough for me to pull his cheeks…” luciel makes a squishing movement with his hand at that. “despite what people say about him, he’s actually really nice. he’s just awkward with expressing it, but he also expresses his kindness in a different way. you just have to get closer to him, talk to him a couple of times; then you’ll know. he’s sincerely trying his best.”

was luciel covering for siwoo? admittedly, a little. he thought about the conflict that happened during the team building exercise, and even though he would have liked to see siwoo fall, he didn’t particularly enjoyed seeing siwoo getting unfairly treated that way. so he threw in a nice word for him.

now, about your performance… yes, you know how it goes.

“i do, and i’ll compare to it to my earlier performances. especially do better. during the practice of bang, i watched my older performances. i cringed a lot. who was this odd fellow? i felt shameful watching it, and i had to watch it until the end. there were so many things i didn’t liked about it — but here’s where i can say that because i didn’t liked it, i know that i improved. watching puzzle was more bearable. for this, i’m grateful to everyone i worked with. my teammates and the coaches, and of course the judges. everyone’s words, advices and criticism shaped me into who i am today as a performer. even reading my fans comments online gives a boost to my confidence. i’ll also take this time to talk about my team individually. inho and jay helped me out with the vocals a lot. jay has a creative eye for things, working him with him seemed to open my mind somehow, he views things in a different perspective. inho has a nice voice, he helped me refined my singing. seira is the kind of person that makes you want to keep going, she works very hard and i think she did great too. siwoo’s trying, and he really tried. his dark circles are horrendous without makeup on. once he’s decided on something, he never stops.”

wow, he talked a lot huh? even the interviewer is making hand signals for him to stop at this time. he throws in a sad look, acting as if he was about to cry and made some sniffing sounds.

“to everyone, thank you for supporting ryeo jihyun on nextgen,” he says as he bows, ending the interview.

[parasocial12]

Clubs, my Past, and more Whining

[transcribed from memo book as is] McD is expensive! I can't really think of what to write for today's entry. I had to speak to my professor last class. Very scary! No friends made in any course. Sad! They say to join clubs to make friends, but the Anime Club is the only club that is truly applicable to me. Unfortunately, those are not my People. They are simply too cringe? I don't mean that in the sense that I don't understand wh the jokes, but they're simply all too unfunny. Their tastes are too Reddit. I'm in the most vexing position. I'm too strange for normal people, but too normal for the weirdos. I suppose in one-on-one interactions I fare decently, but in a club setting I feel locked out. Band kids is what they feel like! The type to think Rick and Morty an is the funniest show ever. In a way, I am also too radical for them too. My years spent on 4chan as a Youth have a left permanent mark on my psyche. Not on /pol/ or /b/ or any of those places where the Election Tourists. /r9k/ was such a nice place to vent to older anons. Sure, I was underage ban, but ain't nobody knew that. I miss that comradery, as toxic as they were. The Youths of today are so lucky to have Tiktok. I admire TT as a space where the Youth can experiment and be themselves while using the algorithm to find communities to connect with. I missed out on that train. That's not to say I don't use TT or have my own spaces, but TT as a youth must be a hell of a fun place. Oh well! I had the experience of being underage on anonymous imageboards at least (wow!). Let me finish my fries now ~~~~ On the walk back to the SC, I passed by some sort of Christian group- a club? I know not, for I avoided eye contact- and as I did, they spoke to a duo of girls walking next to me. The usual invitation for a Bible study. They kept walking of course, and while doing so joked about how one of them was the target lol. Very funny duo- almost chuckled before remembering that I was merely walking alongside them, not with them! On that walk as well, I passed many cute girls. Idk what it is about college, but so many ppl are beautiful. It doesn't help that they are all serving- I didn't know uni was a fashion show! Now, I sit at the usual spot of my writing and jot down in my little memo book. Makes for such unworthy penmanship. Ahhhh! It's so frustrating seeing all the cute gals. I'm not terrible looking monster w/ a horrible personality, but I can't muster up the nerve to act upon my romantic delusions! How I wish I was less of an overthinker! Oh well. Since I am too passive to pursue, I must accept the fact that I will end up alone. Tragic! The best and easiest years to make friends and lovers and I cannot. What a failure I am! It is concerning that the majority of the ppl I have cordial relations with are women- and of them all are either taken or lesbian. I've nothing really against it. I'm proud that so many ppl can confide in me. Yet, I feel lonely. I realize I'm too emotionally immature to date, but I've fallen so far behind the curve that I feel that I will never catch up. I'm just a fool. Dreaming the best years of my Life away! I don't blame anyone, really. If I was a woman, I wouldn't date myself either. I'm a nice guy, but that's such a low bar- the bare minimum. What do I have to offer? I'm not rich. I'm mildly funny at times, but no comedian. I'm not some attractive guy. I don't like going out. I'm insecure. My Future is bleak. I have Nothing! Oh well. Always an oh well. I apologize to my future self for having wasted our Time, and I damn my younger self for the same Crime. [end of entry] Author's Note: It appears that no matter what, I will always end up writing about being lonely and cute girls I see. What a creep! I'm not an incel or nothing, but damn if my writings don't make me seem like I am

[crushed-starlight]

ok !! yall need so many updates from me aaa i'll try to speedrun them n not give u too much junk to read hehe

the main thing is, today i took a huuuge train ride home from uni !! i was on the road for a super long time but i got tons of reading done :3 but for about a month , i won't be seein any of my uni lore people in person ;; it's gonna be weird for sure since i've spent so much time around them recently, but i think in some cases (ie meadow lol) the distance will be good to help me rly evaluate what i'm getting out of that closeness n whether it's worth it.

plus, i'll get to hang out with my friends from here more too !! theres TONS of interesting stuff goin on with them too, so i'm sure there'll b more of that !!

anyway, here's a mini recap of some stuff that's happened since my last entry !!

i had a big night out with a bunch of people !! my first stop was an indie music night with odie and jiji, then after that down to a queer club night where we met meadow and one of their friends !! we also ran into another classmate who we didn't know was even queer, n he ended up joining us for the night :D

i also ran into a bunch more people i know !! specifically winter and (new character time) wave, who i'll add to the masterlist sooon :3

overall it was super fun n they played a bunch of my favorite songs :3 i love gay people <3

remember how i said 'as per jiji's advice i'm gonna try n keep some distance from meadow'? yeah i for sure did not do that. we explored a retail park n saw a movie on one day, did field work in the city another, n kept walking to class together almost every day !! i am ,, so tired !!

honestly, the crush might be beginning to fade, or just shapeshift into a friendship. i'm becoming more n more aware of potential red flags or just reasons i might not personally want to date them.. mainly, we're just really different in terms of personality. compared to when i'm hanging out with jiji and odie, i just mask around meadow a lot more. i overthink a lot, they tease me over my silly cringe interests n traits (of which there are a lot lol) instead of hyping me up , and i know they don't mean anything of it but i'm tired of being constantly reminded of how Different i am from them ,, and by extension from most people.. ok but wait there was last night .......

we went to a candlelight concert !! to any pair of people other than us, it probably would've been super romantic. what a waste of a perfect night, right? but it was still nice. we dressed up extra pretty, the music was nice, we sat right at the back of a beautiful church and listened to basically a classical music concert. i drank mulled wine in the intermission, there were about 20 christmas trees all decorated and themed after different charities and local organisations. crush thoughts aside, it was a really magical experience for what it cost (15 pounds yippee) :3

but , of course , since i knew that if i got home after that i'd have the most miserable yearning-filled night, i helped set up a pizza party with my flatmates (and odie) instead !! so jiji, comet, and our fourth roommate chipi !! i'm surprised i haven't mentioned him yet, at some point he should get a loredump post of his own since there's a lot to unpack with him lol

anyway the pizza party went great , save for the worlds worst phonecall with the pizza place which i foolishly volunteered to have. that pizza place employee in particular encompasses all the reasons i get anxious about phone calls.. yikes!

ok i think that's everything interesting that's happened so far !! here's to hoping i can have a nice relaxing (but still productive !!) month off. well , aside from the 6 giant essays i need to research and write >< but it's fine, i'll cope :,) bye for now !!