#not to take away all of durge and orins autonomy

[wi1dshxpe]

durge and orin being siblings has to be the best thing that ever happened to bhaal. i just know their fighting for daddy’s approval would immediately outshine any criticism they had of him. like orin is sad she killed the girl she was seeing because it was getting too serious and goes to durge for support. durge gives a solid twenty seconds of reassurance before lying about how that has never happened to them before. orin backtracks and changes her story because it was actually awesome and poetic, really! durge calls her out. the entire thing turns into a petty verbal slap fight before they can even think about how much it sucks they can’t/aren’t allowed to maintain meaningful relationships. another time durge casually laments they never have time for hobbies. orin says she doesn’t need hobbies, murder is her entire life, durge calls art her hobby, orin calls her art worship, somehow sceleritas ends up stabbed. basically the two of them successfully pivot from a valid complaint to “look dad i love murder, dad, dad, look dad i’m better at murder than my sibling.” every time any crappy aspect of being a bhaalspawn comes up

[kawareo]

Bhaalist Unholy Communion

This post has been living in my brain rent free and then it hit me in just the right headspace to turn into a vent thing and made me write poetry for the first time since eight grade anyway enjoy my ramblings under cut

because isn't it fucked up that Durge has no bodily autonomy? That he's nothing (using he/him because im looking at my Durge specifically) without Bhaal because not even his own body is his own but still a part of Bhaal?

And sure it is an honor to be Bhaal's Chosen, but is it really if you never got the chance to choose yourself? Strike, my Durge, was born a Bhaalspawn and grew up in the cult since he was eight. It's all he's ever known, he's worshiped for being a demi-god, he's powerful and on top, and in the end, literally everything he has is only because his Father lets him have it.

The Communion especially shows that, with Strike being still worshiped, but it hurts him, the Bhaalists rip his body apart, use it, consume it, and he needs to think of it as a blessing because how lucky is he, to be the soul that was loaned piece of a god to guard? He'd think of his own body like that.

And it hurts Bhaalists, too! It works both ways! His blood is poisonous and his flesh aches in their throats, but it's a blessing! God of Murder loves his son and his love hurts, and if you love him back, you must let yourself be hurt and know how lucky you are to be allowed to be hurt by Bhaal or his mortal flesh itself!

I'm just very into the whole 'no bodily autonomy' thing that we have going on with Durge, like his father not only can take control of his body via the Urge, but he has Sceleritas to guide him away from anything that could be not by Bhaal's books, Orin and Saverok to be a (although messed up as hell) family to him so he'll never look for another, and to some degree, Bhaal can control Durge's mind...

No wonder he'd run to Gortash in the end. The first one who sees more than a Bhaalspawn when he looks at Strike, more than Bhaal's scion, he sees a person and ngl it's totally Bhaal's fault that Strike ended up like that

[murmishhy]

When you first meet Gortash, he proposes a partnership, whether you're Tav or Durge. This, to me, suggests manipulation. Even the Emperor claims Gortash genuinely means what he says, but I believe Gortash rolls so high for deception that our player's perception can't see through his charade, even if it's successful. Gortash probably believes that once you deal with the brain, he can take the stones for himself, push you away, or use your tadpole against you.

Whether you are Durge or Tav, Gortash knows that while the Astral Prism exists, he cannot touch or influence you. So, why lie to you? He wants to dominate the brain. You are a better partner than Orin, you already proved yourself with killing Ketheric. If you're Durge, he knows what other things you are capable of already. But once the brain is under control, you will have no reason to keep the prism. Trusting him and starting a partnership dooms both Tav and Durge. Although we enjoy the interpretation suggests that Gortash truly loves and cares about Durge, the truth is, he remains a tyrant. He may like you, but he has no love in his heart for anyone. You were useful, so he used you, as you used him. When you were gone, he simply moved on to the next partner. He didn't mourned you. He didn't look for you. Sure, he prefers your methods to Orin's, but he didn't necessarily need you at that point. For any romantic implication, I think even when he says he wants to be partners, he mostly wants you as a symbol, not a lover. To him, you are a prestigious prize: the child of the Murder Lord kneeling before him and his god. He flaunts you as his greatest achievement.

If you manage to dominate the brain before Gortash dies, he will likely seize all the power, leaving you as his pet or having you killed later. If you're Durge, he might keep you around for social events, showcasing you as his partner or consort or his guard dog who helped defeat Ketheric's army. However, you would lose all autonomy over your body and mind. After all, you are not the same Bhaalspawn, you are not his equal anymore, so you don't deserve a place on the throne. Also, as Durge having plans to betray him in the end, I see no reason why Gortash wouldn't have the same. He is a tyrant. Tyrants don't share their power. He never plans to share his kingdom with you. Even if you were not lobotomized by Orin, he would still betray you when you lowered your guard anyway. That's who he is, a liar tyrant.

As Tav, Gortash would probably kill you as you celebrate your victory with your friends. A partnership with Gortash can only work if you are the same Bhaalspawn who helped initiate his plot. If you are not the bloodthirsty killer who admires him enough to let him live until you kill everyone else, then you can't live up to his dreams. You can't be his partner. And still even if you didn't lose your memories, he would still betray you. Or if you managed to succeed the plan with Gortash, as being the wicked creature that you are, maybe you would kill him in the heat of the moment. There is no happy ending for Durgetash, or Tavtash. Everyone is an obstacle to Gortash's pursuit of power. If he didn't die, the game would have likely ended with you playing right into the Chosen's hand despite your efforts and have a Failed Ending, where everyone is kneeling before Bane and Gortash while you're either dead, or by his side, on your knees, just like everyone else.

I love Gortash, but I think for the story, he had to die... It still doesn't change the fact that I will always love Durgetash, I'll always convince myself that they loved each other and defied their beliefs for one other... But whether they loved each other or just used each other, their partnership was doomed to fail from the beginning anyways.

[sybaritick]

Describe your favorite durgetash dynamic for us? And do you prefer the "Canon" Dark Urge or your own Durge when writing?

oooooh this is a fun question, thank u!

i don't have my own Durge outside of the "canon" one-- I like to write the white dragonborn sorcerer, with no name but The Dark Urge. (I do have a Tav tho.) I definitely enjoy reading about others' Durges, but I feel no need to make one myself.

i love their dynamic having a lot of power struggle to it, especially early on. at first Gortash thinks the Bhaalspawn will be easy enough to manipulate into compliance; at first the Dark Urge thinks Gortash is just another politician, just another Banite, and just another body.

they each come to respect the other for being a more formidable opponent than anticipated, and because they realize they have more in common than either of them would be willing to admit. one fun part of this is that gortash is not quite the perfect lawful-evil a Banite could be-- his human appetites for power and sex and revenge are too obvious. he is not the perfectly emotionless machine he perhaps wishes he could be. in the same vein, the dark urge is not the perfectly chaotic evil creature someone like Orin is; he is too much of a thinker, a planner, for that. he's just a little too smart to be exactly what was expected of him. and he's a more effective killer for it-- not less. even tho gort is still LE and durge is still CE, they both have that taste of ruthlessly-practical self-interested NE to them...

in terms of sex, i like Gortash to dom (even more so if he is trans) but that doesn't necessarily mean he has to top-- i think he usually tops, but he can take dragonborn dick like a fucking champion, he'd hold durge's leash while he does it. :3 i think he's primarily a sadist but definitely also a masochist-- you have to be, to want to fuck a bhaalspawn as badly as he does. the pain sings in him like the pleasure. also, he wouldn't admit it but he likes the talking back from Durge, the disobedience, the challenge. all the more fun to subjugate someone who puts up such a glorious fight. also DEFINITELY going hard on that disgusting, insatiable obsession with truly owning durge, the desire to chip away at his autonomy and independence, to condition him into being a perfect little pet, a lovingly polished weapon, a favorite toy... Gortash won't get what he wants, but Durge always has to be a bit on guard for the ways his favorite Banite tries to coax him into surrendering a bit more of himself every time.

durge i like to write as a switch at heart, and absolutely a lunatic of a sadist. but when he is submissive he's submissive in that he craves the relief of freedom from The Weight Of Decisions/Complexity but he absolutely cannot admit it to himself. he'll struggle to the last because he knows if he gives gortash an inch he'll take and take and take. but see-- holding onto just a shred of control is terrifying. Durge is too fully aware of what he's doing, the ever-present threat of his father, the threat of their alliance. Fully letting go, though-- all of that is gone. Nothing more to worry about but the delicious mindlessness of it all, nothing but formless sensation. Just give in.