#not too sure on their stats rn but like

[camping-with-monsters]

I don’t think I ever posted them but :)) I made this DST oc a while back and absolutely adore these two so much :)) but uhhhhh rant incoming—

They’re sorta meant to be like. A revisiting of a lot of other old Don’t Starve OCs I made when I was way younger (we’re talking maybe 10-12, can barely remember) and just took various concepts and twisted them into one— or two— existing characters! I don’t have a lot on what their play style would be and frankly I sorta created them more for fun anyway :)

Willabelle is the name of the parasitic mushroom that has taken over the body. The host’s name is Warna. She’s pretty much mostly sickly and drools a lot from the parasite, but they’d sort of accidentally came into contact not meant to be like how Webber’s backstory is. Admittedly, Willabelle was basically born from Warna’s body before they’d even entered the constant (likely pulled in by Charlie due to the stir it would have caused in the outside world), but the parasite’s intentions were never malicious as she didn’t have much of a say in the host she would become attached to (her form was probably just made completely of infected spores that somehow got into the real world by unknown means).

In the end, despite Warna’s incredibly sickly form due to this all, she still retained some sense of self and still proves to have a mind of her own and can even move freely when she has the strength. Sometimes Willabelle has to take over for that and move the body for her, as they basically share the same system now and both are capable of correlating the body whenever they need to. Willabelle and Warna have grown a sisterly bond, as being forced into this mess together has allowed them to learn more about each other and the Constant they’re now inhabiting. Despite the consequences, they’ve learned to make the most of a terrible start and found some positivity in having a comforting hand that’s always at the ready to hold.

Willabelle probably does most of the talking— I think Warna’s voice box is a little shot but she can probably get some words or sentences out when she feels like it. Even if Willabelle is technically a burden to her, Warna’s body managed to get used to it way easier in the Constant where things are always weird and there’s probably a little magic keeping everyone from just instantly dying to anything that would probably kill you in the real world. Perhaps that’s to the duo’s benefit.

there’s a bit more stuff in the tags but that’s all I got for now~

[unproduciblesmackdown]

(genderly) chill as hell if i was only ever glimpsed / detected like this

[rubys-domain]

it took for-fucking-ever to get a marechaussee atk sands. but i finally got one. after countless useless artifacts. at least i got a lot of fodder i guess

[kuiinncedes]

wow

[peterparkersnose]

I Fall In Love Too Fast

Part 2 to ‘Jealousy, Jealousy’

pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

word count: 6.2k (I fed you guys well!)

warnings: implied age gap, carrot penis reference if you squint, Y/N is a greenhouse girlie, mutual pining, use of y/n, fluff, alcohol consumption, mentions of sex, mentions of pregnancy, borderline bullying, stalking, attempting break in, violence, angst, description of blood (sort of), consensual cuddling, joel can’t tell his veggies apart (edited sort of)

a/n shaking rn i need to see cocaine bear asap

summary Y/N and Joel have an unlikely meeting in Jackson’s greenhouse. 

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read time: 22 mins 43 seconds

The low hums of the generator filled your ears. The greenhouse could be very peaceful at times. Something you couldn’t explain drew you to the plants. Ever since you were a child, your friends from the old QZ you grew up in would always question why you would rather read the old book about botany you found than play tag.

When you were presented with the opportunity of working in the greenhouse in Jackson, you were more than happy to accept the position. All the vegetation calmed you for some reason. It was a sense of control in this crazy world. It was almost like it was normal inside that tented space.

After a few years of living in Jackson, Maria decided to appoint you as head greenhouse keeper. You had proved your success throughout the years, the vegetation grew by over 35% (according to Maria, stats were never your thing).

It had been a few days since you had seen Joel. It was a quick, longing goodbye early in the morning. He wanted to make sure you were home before Bradley would have to wake up. The thought of your… ex? You weren’t even quite sure yet. But the thought of him made you want to vomit. And the thought of Joel made you feel… well, safe.

The music coming from your walkman began to skip. The old CD player was old in the time cordyceps started, but nevertheless it trudged on through the pandemic. CD’s were rare, but they were often traded in the community. Currently, Frank Sinatra’s greatest hits skipped through your headphones. Ellie’s CD, presumably from Joel. You didn’t take Ellie for a big Sinatra fan. The thought of having something of his with you made the music just a little bit sweeter.

The song “I Fall In Love Too Easily” began to play clearly through the headphones. You had the headphone jack placed in just the right angle. Ignoring everything else in the world, you swayed to the music slowly as you were washing off the carrots in the sink. As the song continued, you began to hum along with the tune. The song was new to you; the lyrics weren’t mastered in your brain yet.

***

Joel trudged down the muddy streets of Jackson. Tommy and Maria were having a get together that night, and he stupidly agreed to help. Maria requested him to go to the greenhouse to pick up some produce. After Maria’s pushing and adamancy, Joel finally agreed to go. He was suspicious on why he had to go and why Maria just couldn’t go herself, but he decided to leave the possible argument alone and just do what he was told. He wanted to stay back and help Tommy with the roast anyways. That was his specialty. Back in Texas, Joel would make the best damn barbecue in the neighborhood.

Hell, he had never even had to go to the greenhouse before. He was perfectly content on living off of canned beans and coffee. And it was Sunday; the one day everyone had off. The greenhouse was sure to be abandoned, meaning he would have to forage for the produce himself. Did he know the difference between a zucchini and a cucumber? Hell no. Not even when life wasn’t shit he couldn’t figure that out.

Maria smirked as herself and Tommy watched Joel slump down the street. Joel was reading off the slip of paper Maria had written down directions on to the greenhouse. “The only person crazy enough to be workin’ on a Sunday is Y/N, if anyone is there.” Tommy said. “Why do you think I sent him?”

They both gave each other conniving looks.

“You saw the way he acted at the Tipsy Bison earlier this week,” Maria said, sucking her teeth and turning around to tend to her stew. “Don’t you want him to be happy?” She called back to Tommy. He shook his head at his wife’s antics and returned to the roast.

***

Joel let out a scoff as he realized he knew exactly where he was going. The big, white tent that sat on the edge of Jackson. Embarrassingly, he made his way towards the big landmark he mistakenly used to take for a medical ward. To his surprise, the lights were on.

Joel gave the door a few knocks before he opened it, not to freak out the possible worker who could have been behind the door. He quietly slipped in. He brushed some of the mud off his boots as he opened the second door.

A rush of heat hit his face. His eyes scoured the large facility in look for a person. And right then is why he realized Maria was so damn adamant about him going to the greenhouse. 

Your hair was tied up like it was the night you stayed at his house. He recognized the flannel you had on as his own. Your jeans and boots were a classic look that almost every woman had around town. What he didn’t expect was the headphones and walkman clipped to your jeans.

Soft humms came from you. Joel was feeling conflicted; his ego couldn’t allow him to feel this way about you. But the way you do gracefully moved your hips and cleaned those carrots drove him nuts. The thought of you in his kitchen, the two of you cooking together brought warmth to the bitter man’s heart.

Bringing himself back to reality, he looked at the list Maria had scratched down for him. Maybe you could help him find a… butternut squash? He didn’t know there was more than one type of squash.

He stood in the entrance and waited for you to notice him; but you never did. You were so invested in that little sink that you never bothered to look his way. Joel took a deep breath, realizing he was going to have to get your attention.

The fearless man began to tremble with anxiety. He cautiously walked over stray hoses and tried to keep his footsteps on the louder side, so you could maybe hear he was coming.

You yelped as he tapped your shoulder. The carrot you were holding in your hand fell into the sink.

“I’m sorry I-”

“Oh thank god, it’s just you.” you said out of breathe, holding your hand to your chest. “Scared the shit out of me,”

The music played through the headphones as you wrapped the cord loosely around your neck. It played long enough for Joel to recognize the song.

“Sinatra?” he asked, your music taste peaking his interest. You clipped the walkman to your belt, it now rested against the black shirt you had his flannel loosely on top of. “Ellie loaned it to me,” you said, grabbing a towel and drying your hands.

“Must be mine then,” Joel tittered, nervously playing with the piece of paper in his grip. Your eyebrows raised in question, ignoring the confirmation of your previous theory. “I loaned it to her a few months back, thought she must’ve lost it but… I guess not.”

“Do you want it back? Here, you can…” you nervously said, struggling to get the walkman out of your belt loop. “Keep it, really. You seem to like it more than me.” he said, again. “Oh, I have this-” you said, beginning to strip the oversized flannel off your body. “Here,” you said, balling up the flannel and reaching it out to Joel. “Nah, it looks better on you than me. Trust me,” he said, awkwardly refusing the gift of his own belongings.

He could imagine drunk you saying “He said it looked better on me,” as you did a few nights ago in his bed when he called you ‘pretty girl’.

Why was he giving his things to you?

You wrapped the flannel around your waist. “What can I help you with?”

He outstretched the paper to you.

“Maria’s cookin’?” you asked, walking past Joel with the confidence that you knew where you were going. Obediently, he followed you.

“Some stew or something, she says it’s good but…” Joel said, sucking in air sharply. “Not so good?” you smirked, reaching a planter and looking up at him. He shook his head no but then said “It’s delicious,” in a forced, sarcastic tone.

You pulled out the first vegetable and handed it to Joel. Moving along, you moved to the next planter.

“Is that what your doin’ tonight?” you asked him, going through the pea pods trying to pick out the best ones. “Yup.”

He stood for a second in silence as he felt like something was missing. “Would you like to come?” he asked, praying Tommy wouldn’t kill him and Maria’s stew would taste better than it did last time.

Your heart sank because you already had plans. “I’m so sorry,” you began. Joel’s face turned bright red.

He was right. He was too old for all of this. You were just interested in being friends, maybe not even friends. He was so embarrassed, he was ready to go back in his house and never come out again.

“I promised Ellie and Dina I would come over tonight. Have a little sleepover, if you could call it that. Definitely need a rain check though, I would love to some other time.”

That damn kid stole his date.

“Oh, yeah. No worries.” he said, the rejection ruining his confidence.

“I mean it though, rain check.” you said, piling more veggies into his grasp. That built back some of his shattered rizz.

You made your way to the front of the greenhouse, getting ready for the last produce. Potatoes.

You chuckled as you looked behind you. Joel’s presence seemed to fall back. He was struggling to keep all the produce in his hands.

“Would you like a bag?” you asked, slowly moving towards the woven bags hanging on the wall. “Would be nice,” he awkwardly chuckled, grabbing a falling bunch of broccoli from his hands.

“Here,” you said, opening the bag in front of him as he layed everything in. “Shit,” he mumbled as a stray carrot stalk fell. You both bent down to retrieve it.

His hand accidentally layed on yours for a brief second. It should have been a minuscule moment, but time seemed to freeze. You looked up into his gaze as you both stood up, still both holding the carrot. You never wanted this moment to end.

“Potatoes?” Joel asked. Trapped in his gaze, you answered “Huh?”

“Don’t I need a few potatoes?”

You blinked a few times, bringing yourself back into reality. “Uh, yeah. Follow me.” you said, trying to calm your heavy breathing. You could almost feel your heartbeat pumping out of your chest.

The green tops of the potatoes reached out of the grass. Inspecting each top, you slowly and carefully made your decision. “You sure know what your doin’,” Joel commented as you looked up at him from the leaves. “Botany is my passion,”

“By the way your looking at those potato stems, I believe you.” “Maria’s stew has to be good this time. I can tell this one is a good one because of how thick the leaves are. The bugs haven’t gotten to it yet because it’s in the middle, you see. They are full grown, these are the ones planted around the spring. There full grown and…”

You looked up at Joel and found him with a sly smile. “I’m rambling, aren’t I?”

“I like ramblin’. Could listen to it all day.”

He wanted to say he could listen to you all day; Even if all you talked about was potatoes.

“At least someone enjoys my rambling.”

Memories of Bradley point blank telling you to shut up because you were explaining how herbs could be used in medicine once plagued your mind. Then, the memory of his face bloodied scurrying on the bar floor replaced those. And you felt that warm feeling again, safe with Joel in the greenhouse.

Selecting the perfect one from the middle row, you began to pull. And pull some more. “God dammit,” you muttered to yourself. Giving up, you moved some of the dirt around the root.

“Can you help?” you asked kindly, as pulling on it one more time was unsuccessful. Joel placed the bag of produce down and moved to a different angle.

You expected them to pull out easily when he went for them, but he was struggling too. “What you do to ‘em?” he asked, wiping his hands off on his jeans. “Locked in or something,”

You angrily decided to try pulling again.

“Let me,” he said. To your surprise, his hands came to your shoulders to ease the suspense of touch. Then, he moved forward bringing you into his embrace. His hands rested below yours. Your shoulders matched up almost perfectly with his broad chest.

“Ready?” he asked, his voice sending chills down your spine. You could tell how warm he was, even with the heat of the greenhouse making the both of you sweat. His arms flexed on yours as he began to pull the potatoes up along with your grip. He pushed back and you followed his grip. Within a few seconds, the potatoes freed from the dirt and sent the two of you flying backwards.

You two landed back first on the dirt ground. The feeling of his arms were still around you, he was still holding you on the ground. He had let go of the potatoes and they were thrown down the isle.

The two of you burst out in laughter, staring at the ceiling of the greenhouse. You genuinely didn’t want to leave this moment; and neither did he.

“I totally loosened it for you.” you bragged, sitting up and looking down at him. One hand rested under his head, the other layed comfortably on his stomach. “Sure ya did.”

He took your hand as you helped him up. His knees cracked, and he prayed that you didn’t hear it. The two of you made your way to the washing station at the other end of the greenhouse.

“Potato,” you said in a stern tone. He placed one in your hand. “Brush,” you requested. He handed you the brush. You turned on the water and scrubbed the dirt off the potatoes. “Towel,”

“Yes ma’am.”

The two of you laughed as he played along into your antics. He was standing so close that his hips seemed to connect with yours. “Is that the last one?” he asked, drying off the fifth potato. “Unfortunately,” you sighed.

“Your welcome back any time to wrestle some potatoes again, if you’d like.” you said, following him to grab his original bag of produce. “Why don’t we take on the corn next week?” he asked, not wanting to leave. He just knew Maria would be bombarding him with questions about what took so long.

“It’s a date!” you said, mostly serious but in a joking manner.

Dina froze at the door. Ellie was making homemade pizza for that night and sent Dina to get some tomatoes. She was frozen, peeping through the door she watched. Dina had just gotten a front row viewing of you and Joel struggling with the potatoes, your awkward impromptu cuddle on the ground, and the romantic potato washing.

As Dina saw the two of you finishing your… encounter, she made her way quickly to the side of the building.

Ellie is going to love this.

***

“Ellie, your never going to believe-”

“Where are my tomatoes?” she asked, disappointedly. Dina burst into the kitchen of their small house frantically. “Forget the tomatoes, El. You’ll never guess what I just saw.”

“What, another stray cat? For the last time, no stray cats.”

“Joel and Y/N.” she said astonished. She took a place on one of the barstools next to the counter.

“What about them?”

“No- Ellie. Joel and Y/N, they were cuddling in the greenhouse.”

Ellie looked up from her dough she was making. “Dina, did you breathe in some outhouse gas?”

“No! I promise you. I was going to get the tomatoes, but they were just laying there. Then they got up and washed potatoes. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone wash vegetables so… sensually before.”

“I think your bullshitting me. Who cuddles in a greenhouse?” Ellie questioned, turning around and looking through the pantry. “Old stuff is going to have to do,” she sighed, pulling the old can of marinara sauce out from the back of the pantry.

“I wonder…” Dina began. “You remember how I told you about Bradley,”

“You remember how much I want Tommy to banish him?” Ellie reminded Dina. “Joel knocked that dude out!” Dina exclaimed.

“Yeah, but that’s just Joel being Joel. I’m sure he would do it for any one of us.”

“He walked her home!” Dina complained. “Your going to tell me there’s nothing going on there?”

“I think we should wait and ask Y/N. Not make assumptions,” Ellie sighed, giving Dina the side eye.

“They’d be cute, that’s all I’m saying.”

***

The sun was at the end of setting, the sky was a deep purple. You noticed Joel’s boot marks in the mud and how big they were compared to your feet. “Damn,” you whispered to yourself, stepping in one of his prints. Another pair of prints seemed to circle around the greenhouse. They were similar in size to your feet and had a different shape then the bottom of your shoes.

Following the odd marks, they moved to the side of the greenhouse. And then made a straight line towards where you were going: Ellie and Dina’s house.

“Oh no,” you sighed, following either Ellie or Dina’s footprints. You prayed one of them didn’t see you with Joel.

You tried to imagine Ellie’s reaction to it. What would there to be mad about? You were just friends with Joel. Even though you had admitted to yourself he was just your passing patrol crush about a year ago, you were taking things slowly with this new found interest.

And he was older than you, there was that. Adults can make adult decisions, you reminded yourself. You and Joel were both adults that had experienced a lot in life, even though yours was a bit shorter than his.

Would Ellie be mad? Her… Joel and her best friend (besides Dina of course). You shoved the idea to the back of your mind as you knocked on their door.

Dinner had an odd vibe to it. Dina had already had a few too many glasses of wine, and you were avoiding the alcohol at all costs. The other night was enough for this week.

“Your not drinking?” Ellie asked, chewing down on her pizza. “Nah,” you said, briefly commenting.

“What, you pregnant?” Dina laughed, filling her wine glass up again. You almost choked on your pizza. “God Dina, no.” you chuckled. “I haven’t fucked Brad in… four months? I think I would know by now.”

“Gross!” Ellie cringed. “I’m trying to eat!”

“Sorry, sorry.” you jokefully apologized. “Anything… new? With you know, Bradley?” Dina asked. Something was up with her.

“Not since Joel kicked him on his ass,” you said.

Dina gave Ellie a strange look. “Yeah, I remember. Did he get you home alright that night?” Dina asked. You swallowed a bit of your pizza. “Mhm,”

You hated lying to your friends. Without the truth, you felt miserable. You wanted to tell them all about Joel and how you have been secretly borderline obsessed with him since that night, but word getting back to Joel might scare him off. And you didn’t want Ellie to freak out.

“Then how come I didn’t see your porch light on when I left with Maria?”

You froze in your seat.

“I’m just fucking with you,” Dina teased, pushing her hand into your arm. “You like him though, don’t you.”

Lying is one thing you were never good at. “He’s a nice man.”

“You like him though, don’t you?”

The lack of response and the quickening of your breathe didn’t help your case. “Dina,” Ellie said, stepping in to Dina’s drunken antics.

“He took you to his house, didn’t he?”

“I…”

The whole town of Jackson seemed more quiet than usual. Ellie looked at your face and could see the panic. Her eyebrows rose as her stare widened, watching you squirm in your seat at Dina’s question.

“Holy fuck! Did you fuck Joel?” Ellie asked, now realizing the reality in Dina’s games. She was right; Dina totally saw you two at the greenhouse.

“No! No.” you defended yourself. That was the truth at least. “I… I didn’t want Bradley coming around and…”

“Oh my god,” Ellie said, standing up from the table. “We’re just friends! He’s a nice man Ellie, you know that.”

“Then why did I see you two cuddling in the greenhouse today?” Dina muttered from behind her wine glass.

You sighed and buried your head in your hands. So the shoe prints belonged to Dina.

“Y/N.” Ellie said sternly, standing at her place at the table and crossing her arms. “Tell me the truth.”

You grabbed Dina’s wine glass and took a large gulp.

“I- I like him, okay? I think he’s handsome, and kind and considerate. Everything Bradley isn’t and everything I deserve.” you said angrily, getting out of your seat and slamming it back in the table.

“Dina, your a dick when your drunk.” you yelled, grabbing your coat and heading for the door as Dina giggled at her spot.

“Y/N,” Ellie said, grabbing your hand. She closed her eyes and took a long breathe. “Your being for real?” Ellie asked, her look turned more sincere.

“As real as a bite,” you sighed.

***

The three of you, now in pajamas, sat in Ellie and Dina’s bed. Dina was braiding your hair as Ellie layed flat on her back and stared at the ceiling.

“Y/N Miller,” Ellie said out of the blue. Your head whipped over to where she was sitting, pulling your braid Dina was working on. “Jesus, El. A little too soon for that? I doubt it even,” you giggled. “In this world?” Dina asked. “I can lend you my white dress. With the embroidered flowers?” Dina suggested.

The memory of her embroidering those last summer resurfaced. “It is awful pretty,”

“And I can do your hair, hold on.” Dina said, undoing the braid she had been working on.

You felt her hands begin to work. “I just don’t know if he likes me back…” you sighed.

“Y/N. I know Joel. He wouldn’t just lay on the dirt floor with anybody.” Ellie assured you. “He barely speaks to anyone in Jackson as it is,”

“Would he even say anything? If he liked me?”

“Jesus, Y/N. This isn’t high school. Just tell him.” Ellie teased, sitting up in bed. “I’ll talk to him. Work some of my magic-”

“You better not!” you seethed, giving Ellie a glare. “Don’t embarrass me!”

“Ta da!” Dina announced, finishing putting a pin in your hair. You jumped off the bed and moved to the mirror.

It was in a low bun with a few stray hairs framing your face. It was so effortless and so elegant. “Dina,” you gasped, carefully cupping the bun with your hand. “I can make it ten times better, but just a thought.”

“I love it,” you gasped. “If I ever get married, you two are in charge of the wedding.”

***

Joel ate awkwardly at the table with Maria and Tommy in silence. The only noise in the whole house was the scratching of silverware.

“How was the patrol? Yesterday.” Maria asked both Tommy and Joel. “Alright,” they both said in unison. They definitely were brothers, men of very few words.

“Any news on the power plant improvement?” Tommy asked Maria. “I had some guys there today. So nice, working on their Sunday off.” she added.

“You know who works on Sundays?”

Joel’s fork stopped moving.

“I hear Y/N is running the greenhouse real nice.” Tommy said, already knowing the answer to Maria’s question.

“How was she, Joel?”

Joel looked up at Maria with a side eye. “Fine.”

“They’ve got blueberries now! Damn blueberries, I haven’t had any since before this shit. They were good,” Tommy mused, reminiscing on the delicious fruit.

“She’s a good chef too,” Maria commented. “Made some amazing salad dressing for the winter party a few weeks ago. Did you try her cookies too?”

“I remember,” Tommy added. “She’s gonna make a real nice wife some day.”

Joel’s fist hit the table a little too hard as he set down his glass. Both Tommy and Maria looked at him shocked.

“You alright?” Tommy asked.

“Can we change the subject?” Joel asked bitterly. “Why so angry? What’d she ever do to you?” Tommy pushed. “Goddamit Tommy,” he yelled, shoving his chair in.

“Thanks for the wonderful meal, Maria.” he hissed, lying and abruptly leaving their house. The picture frame on the wall shook a bit as he slammed the door.

“He’s down bad.” Tommy laughed. Maria sighed, her hands rubbing her temples. “Why do the two of you always seem to ruin a good night?”

“Hey, I barely did anything.” Tommy resisted with his hands in a defensive pose. “You know he likes her. The sheer mention of her makes him leave.” Maria commented. “God, I hope those two idiots find each other again. I don’t know how much more I can take of this.” Tommy sighed, chewing away at his roast.

It was dark outside now. Joel could hear the whisps of the wind blow in the trees. Creepy if you’d ask him, but Joel wasn’t afraid of much anymore. Almost all the houses were dark; with the exception of a few porch lights.

He turned down the main street and looked at all the lights still on. Maria’s guys must have fixed the power plant, pls business signs were flooding the street with their light. He glanced up at Ellie and Dina’s apartment; it was over one of the textile shops in the downtown department. The lights were out besides the one outside the entrance.

He took a double take when he saw someone standing out there.

Moving closer, he recognized the crouched down figure trying to pick their lock.

Bradley.

He reached the bottom of the old metal staircase before making himself known. He cleared his throat loudly.

“What in the hell are you doing?”

Bradley recoiled in fear, dropping the pocketknife on the metal landing. “It’s not what it looks like- I swear it Mr. Miller.”

“Then what does it look like?” he asked, slowly walking up each step. “I-I… Y/N invited me over. You know, lighten up the time with them. T-they had left over food she said.”

Bradley’s cowardly tone made Joel smile. He cracked a few of his fingers, intimidating Bradley farther and farther.

Joel knew Ellie. There was no way she would ever have leftovers; let alone invite anyone besides Dina to share them.

“You got about five seconds to tell me why-”

Joel was older and tougher, but Bradley was sly. He jumped up, grabbing the knife he dropped and swiped at Joel’s face with it.

Joel quickly ducked as fast as he could and kneed him in the gut. Bradley let out a loud oomf as Joel grabbed both of his hands and held them behind his back. “Nice try,” he whispered in his ear.

Now behind Bradley, Joel gave him a rough push down the metal stairs and took great pleasure in watching him flail down.

Unfortunately, the front door flung open and he was met with a shot gun to his face. He sighed, waiting for Ellie to realize who it was.

She cautiously lowered the gun as she recognized Joel’s face in the dim light.

“I taught you too well,” Joel sighed, moving the barrel of the gun out of his range.

“What’s wrong?” Dina asked, peeking out from behind the wall. You weren’t far behind her, hopping on your tippy toes to see what the matter was.

“You fucking fuck!” Bradley yelled from the ground. He was rolling around, clutching his leg. “You broke my leg, you asshole!”

Ellie looked at Joel in confusion. “Caught your peepin’ Tom on my way home.”

Emerging from behind Dina, you recognized those two voices from anywhere.

“Joel?”

His eyes met yours.

“Y/N, I dunno if you wanna look.” Joel advised. Ellie stepped out of the way as you poked your head out the door. A small gasp came when you saw your ex laying on the concrete. “Bradley, what the fuck!” you yelled.

“Please, Y/N. Take me back, I promise to treat you better than that old, violent grandpa!” He yelled, still in a ball on the ground. Joel let out a small breath of air from his nose. ‘Grandpa is really the best you got?’ he thought to himself.

“Your fucking pathetic.” you called back down to him. “How did he know I was even here?” you said, turning around to ask Ellie. She shrugged. Your hands began to tremble. “Hey, hey.” Ellie said, recognizing the panic arising in you.

She gestured for Joel to come in. She flicked a lamp on as you sat on the couch. “I can go get Tommy and a few other guys, we can deal with him.” Joel suggested.

Ellie looked at you for confirmation. Your eyes darted from her to Joel and back to her. She knew what you needed in that time. You needed him.

“Let me and Dina go get Tommy. I doubt Brad is going anywhere anytime soon.”

Joel opened his mouth to resist, but then saw you shaking on the couch. He knew Ellie was more than capable of fucking this guy up, and he rather stay with you. Even if the fucking up of Bradley sounded oh, so appealing.

“Alright.” he nodded, watching the two girls pull on their coats.

“May I?” he asked, outstretching his hand referencing to the couch spot next to you. You nodded your head. He sat next to you, not touching you. Joel was unsure of how to approach this.

“Joel?” you asked, turning to look at him. Your breathing was shaky and your eyes were glossy. “Yes?”

Without his consent, you moved closer to him on the couch. Your thighs were touching. The need for him to hold you right then was strong.

Joel let out a sigh of relief as he took your invitation of affection. His arm wrapped around your shoulder. You found comfort in his body, cuddling in and moving your arms closer to your body as he held you.

“Everything is alright,” he re assured you, taking his thumb and started slowly running circles into your shoulder.

“I’m sorry about what he said.” you sighed. “What- the grandpa comment? Pfft,” Joel chuckled. Your body moved against his as he laughed. “Doesn’t even phase me.”

“Well, he’s wrong.” you said. Joel looked down at you. “About what?”

“There is no way he could treat me better than you.”

A soft smile rose to Joel’s mouth. He wished he could hold you like this every night. The sweet smell of the rationed out shampoo filled his senses as he took another deep breath.

“Your damn right,” Joel whispered, leaning down and placing a soft kiss to the top of your head. Your arm stretched along his torso, holding him tightly as the sounds of Bradley’s wails came from below.

***

At least an hour had passed. You had dozed off, leaving Joel alone in Ellie’s apartment. You were still connected to Joel at the hip, but your grip had loosened on his waist.

He looked down at you adoringly. He thought of almost every scenario as he waited for Ellie and Dina to return.

He had to ask you out. He wasn’t quite sure how, he figured Tommy could maybe give him some pointers. Or maybe Ellie, she seems to know what women like. And then dating you. He wanted to take you out to the fields outside of Jackson. A nice picnic maybe, you two could maybe bring some food from the greenhouse. He remembered how when he was a child he used to eat cucumber sandwiches (there better than they sound, trust me).

You could teach him the difference between a zucchini and a cucumber. You could be that balance in his life; something he had been searching for since he was a teenager.

He noticed your hair was in a falling out low messy bun. He imagined a veil coming out from it, and a luxurious white gown on you. Sure, he was getting ahead of himself. Little did he know you were discussing the topic of marriage just hours prior.

The fantasies about a lavish, non infected world wedding were diminished as Ellie and Dina made their way through the door.

“Shh,” Joel said, silencing their conversation.

“Aww,” Dina said, still a little tipsy from the night before.

“You should take her home. Bradley won’t be bothering her anymore.” Ellie said sternly. Joel noticed the bloodied knuckles on Ellie’s hand. Dina placed her baseball bat next to it’s resting place at the door.

“Hey,” Joel whispered, rubbing your shoulder. You groaned, holding him tighter. “Good morning,” you muttered. “Still night time, doll. Let’s get you home.”

You slowly woke up in Joel’s embrace. The scent of him sent you back to the first night you spent in his bed. “You wanna go home?” he asked you again. “No,” you protested.

“I’m sober,”

Joel looked at you in confusion. “Remember? ‘Talk to me when your sober’, or something like that?”

The memory clicked in Joel’s mind.

“I want to stay with you.”

Joel couldn’t resist. He helped you up from the couch. He grabbed your jacket from the coat rack and helped you put your arms through your sleeves.

“Is that a yes?” you asked him as he silently closed Ellie and Dina’s door. He sighed. “Sure,”

Walking hand and hand down the abandoned street, you began to humm the Frank Sinatra song from earlier that day. Joel listened to your sweet tune the whole way home.

As you reached his house, you kept the tune going again and again. Joel led you to his bedroom with his hand in yours. His alarm clock read a little after three.

“Get comfy,” he said, throwing his jacket in the corner. You dropped your jacket, leaving it by the bedroom door with your boots. All that was left was your jeans and your black tank top.

“You don’t care if I slip into something more comfortable, do you?” he asked. “Not at all.”

Joel stared at you awkwardly. “You want me to go to the bathroom or…”

“It’s your house. I don’t mind,” you said, boldly sliding off your jeans and kicking them into your pile. Your gray underwear was left on as you sat on the edge of his bed.

“Alright,” he chuckled, adoring your boldness. His pants came off and hit the ground with a thud. His heavy belt buckle made the noise. He opened a drawer and took out a pair of red flannel pajama pants.

“Look! They match the flannel,” you exclaimed.

He turned around, completely enamored by you. Your excitement, your pep, and everything else about you was just what he was lacking in his life. For the first time in years, Joel felt himself feel genuinely happy. It was scary for him, but he was ready to let go.

“Can I just say…” he said, walking up to you sitting on his bed. His right hand slowly cupped your left cheek. His thumb slowly, softly ran across your cheek. “You really do look better in the flannel in than me.”

He slowly bent down, giving you enough time to resist. To his surprise, you began to rise off the bed and connected your lips with his. Rising off the bed, you continued the kiss as you both took a few steps. His hand reached around your waist, finding a comfy spot on the bottom of your back. Your hands had moved to his hair, slowly playing with the locks in your fingers.

“I’ve been waiting for you to do that,” you smiled, still in his embrace.

Joel’s body melted into yours. “I… I really…” he struggled to say. “‘I really’ you too,” you said, expressing to him that it was okay to be afraid. But you were there, and was ready for anything at any pace. His soft eyes seemed relieved at the confirmation of the now mutual feelings.

“Let’s get some sleep, hm?” you asked, sitting back down on the bed and breaking from his embrace.

His body held yours. Joel’s arms protectively kept you in his embrace. The four legs intertwined and kept each other warm underneath the blanket. You pushed into his figure, making yourself feel more secure than ever.

As he held you in bed, the tune began to sing again in your head. In a before sleep epiphany, you remembered the lyrics.

“But I still fall in love too easy, I fall in love too fast,” you whispered. Joel’s head burrowed in the nape of your neck. A tiny kiss was placed there in confirmation of what he had just heard.

Happiness consumed the both of you.

tag list: @dani5216 @uwiuwi @alohastyles-x @samanthacookieone @maddieinnit0 @alexxavicry @scoliobean @avengersfan25 @rosie0611 @vivalasv3gan

[algae-tm]

Kill Bill P.7

Charles Leclerc x famous singer ex!reader

Author’s note : all the songs are real although I’ve played around with who’s featured on what, but I recommend everyone listen to the songs I’ve chosen not for any particular reason just cause they slap and I had such fun creating a playlist for this AU.

Also, I have WAYYY too much time on my hands now that uni is over… so hope you enjoy - Algae🌱

•••••

INSTAGRAM

yourusername

liked by y/bff/n, lewishamilton, charles_leclerc, oscarpiastri and 32,324,487 others

yourusername : ‘TIDES’ out now on all streaming platforms 💚

y/bff/n : Now you did not play me Cellophane when i listened to this earlier! Why do you have me crying in walgreens by the edamame beans??

— yourusername : girl? do you want me to come get you?

— y/bff/n : please.

— y/bff/n : HURRY UP nobody gets me started playing and the cashier is wondering why I’m using grapes to dry my tears.

user1 : y/bff/n is so real for that cause what do you mean, “didn’t I do it for you, why don’t I do it for you?” y/n please explain yourself STAT!

— user3 : no cause the most devastating part, ‘WHEN ALL I DO IS FOR YOU’ y/n I’m in your walls, how dare you start an album like that wtf?

user4 : oh okay 😀

lewishamilton : So fun collabing with you

user5 : no cause we were robbed! we should’ve had XNDA on girls need love.

— yourusername : I was not about to sing about fucking and sucking with my surrogate uncle! Even could’ve been was too much for me. y’all should be lucky I brought the old man out of retirement

— lewishamilton : glad you made that executive decision but I’m not that old :(

danielricciardo : me rn - 🎧😭🕺🪩😭😢

— yourusername : I appreciate you Danny 💚

— yourusername : but make sure you give your therapist a ring yeah?

— danielricciardo : on call with her rn!

user5 : what’s everyone’s favourite track and why is it love on the brain?

— user6 : how could you even choose?? This might be a no skip album I fear.

user8: I’m sorry y/n did not lay out the 5 minute from the heart ballad that is Ex-Factor for y’all to just not talk about it??

— user9: “no one loves you more than me, and no one ever will!” You listening Lord Perceval????

— user16: “no matter how I think we grow you always seem to let me know… IT AIN’T WORKING.”

— user13: but like if she’s trying to send a message to Charles it’s a bit disjointed no?

— user10: ex-factor isn’t to Charles Leclerc

— user11: be so fr who is it for then??

— user10: it’s obviously y/n grappling with her conflicting emotions… it’s not meant to be for Charles. This whole album is her going through it. She’s sorting thru her emotions. Are y’all dumb or stupid?

— user15: alright now

user21: AHHSHHEJSJSJSKEDVDKZKSUDJ

— user23: real.

hallebailey: call me asap for any more collabs, had such fun on Forgive Me!

— yourusername: love you hal x

— chloebailey: do not call her! She got her chance call me! (liked by yourusername)

y/bff/n: SUPERMODEL??!!?? Another one you didn’t let me listen to???

— yourusername: cause I knew you’d smack me upside the head for begging a man to see me as pretty enough.

— user24: WHO DIDN’T THINK YOU WERE PRETTY ENOUGH?! CHARLES?!! LET ME AT HIM!

oscarpiastri: on repeat 🎶

— user31: Oscar 😭 it’s giving desperate

— user26: keep commenting, she’ll reply one day!

— user27: bros talking to himself in her comments

sza: album of the year I fear

— yourusername: Solana 💚 couldn’t have done it without you

user32: @oscarpiastri are you the homeboy she’s been secretly banging like she says on supermodel?

— yourusername: I have NOT been secretly banging anyone’s homeboy! Supermodel is the only track with joint writing creds! I fear @sza came up with that lyric. (Comment deleted by yourusername)

— user34: NO Y/N let Charles think you’ve been secretly doing Oscar!

— user35: @user34 love me some psychological warfare!

landonorris: first!

— yourusername: you literally are the last person to comment😒😒

••••

Y/N Strips Off Expectations on Her New Album ‘TIDES’

R&B superstar delivers sharp barbs and haunting melodies on her long-awaited LP, amidst relationship drama with ex Charles Leclerc.

By Will Dukes

June 10, 2024

If you thought the singles released prior to the album were indicative of the direction this LP would take, think again. Y/n’s highly anticipated latest release, "TIDES," is an ambitious and masterful exploration of love's euphoria and its darker, toxic undertones. Known for her sultry R&B style, y/n transcends genre boundaries in this 15-track opus, weaving together dance, electronic, pop, and reggae influences to craft a cohesive narrative.

The album opens with "Cellophane," a haunting electronic ballad reminiscent of FKA Twigs' ethereal work. This opening track is something we’ve never seen from y/n, yet her delicate vocals float over a sparse, echoing production, setting a tone of vulnerability and foreshadowing the emotional journey ahead. This track is a stunning prologue, drawing listeners into a world where love is as fragile as the titular cellophane.

As we transition to the 3rd track of the album "Forgive Me," the album's pulse quickens. The track opens with a haunting, ethereal intro that quickly gives way to a pulsating beat and assertive bass line, setting a commanding tone. Y/n’s and Halle’s harmonies are immediately striking, blending seamlessly while each woman’s distinct vocal timbre adds depth and texture to the song. Their voices convey both strength and a sense of liberation as they sing about reclaiming their power and refusing to apologize for their choices. Mid-album, "Doo Wop (That Thing)" introduces a surprising but seamless shift. The pop-reggae rhythm provides a laid-back contrast to the preceding tracks, reflecting a momentary calm in the tumultuous relationship. Yet, y/n’s lyrics hint at something more sinister, the song can be seen as a warning, y/n clearly saying to her listeners I’ve made mistakes and here is how you can avoid them.

I won’t blame anyone for mistaking her single “Kill Bill” as the climax of the album. That is what y/n wants you to believe but the climax arrives with "Mary Magdalene" an electronic ballad that ties with the opening track “Cellophane.” For me "Mary Magdalene," is a standout, embodying the album's central themes. Drawing on the figure of Mary Magdalene, y/n reclaims and redefines her story, exploring themes of femininity, devotion, and resilience. The song's intricate layering and hypnotic rhythms create an almost spiritual experience, inviting listeners to delve into its complex emotional landscape. The production is haunting, with distorted synths and echoing beats mirroring the disintegration of trust and affection. y/n’s vocal performance here is raw and powerful, her pain palpable as she sings, "a woman’s touch, a sacred geometry. I know where you start where you end. How to please, how to curse.”

"TIDES" concludes with "Mirrored Heart," a poignant ballad that brings the narrative full circle, echoing the album’s opening. With an album so tumultuous listeners would probably wish for a sense of closure. This song does not give you that, rather you’ll be left questioning ‘what’s next.” y/n’s voice, both fragile and resilient, lingers long after the final note.

In "TIDES," y/n not only expands her musical palette but also delivers a profound and relatable story. This album is a testament to her artistry, marking her as a versatile, timeless and fearless force in contemporary music. It’s a disjointed album, songs sometimes seem out of place, but like the title “TIDES,” suggests, and given the situation that inspired the album, that is exactly the atmosphere y/n was looking to create.

••••

INSTAGRAM

charles_leclerc

Liked by landonorris, danielricciardo and 1,256,712 others

charles_leclerc : best believe I’ll move on to better things

user1: do y’all hear that?

user3: not you using lyrics from y/n’s song it’s giving desperate.

user4: poor Alex

landonorris: what is bro doing lmao

user5: oh -

arthur_leclerc: if before you had a chance now you have 0 😂

— user5: oh Arthur’s messy messy

—lorenzotl: we want our sister in law back, and this idiot isn’t doing us any favours.

user6: I’m sorry this is so disrespectful to Alex. Just cause you guys broke up doesn’t mean you can do this

user7: lmao get a life

carlossainz55: cabron… this is not what we agreed you’d do 😅

lewishamilton: 😒

— danielricciardo: 😒

— georgerussel63: 😒

— y/bff/n: 😒

— francisca.cgomes: 😒

pierregasly: brother delete this 😔

— oscarpiastri: 😂

(this post has been deleted)

••

TAGLIST

@forevercaffeinated-lee @callsignwidow

[alluralater]

i love talking shit about marvel movies + the entire franchise because all of my arguments are true and no i don’t care that scarlett witch is hot. the government funds these movies for nationalist propaganda and ya’ll eat that shit up. i am totally cool not giving a fuck about some bucky and whomever fuckin on top of the iron shield or whatever. the only person i deadass like out of all them dudes is chris evans and it’s because he’s so great as person and he doesn’t take this shit seriously. “i love iron man!!” okay but you remember robert downey junior did black face in literally 2008. that’s who marvel chose to give 435 million dollars to. people excuse that movie and him doing so because his character is meant to be a commentary on method actors. um?? hello?? you’re excusing the character AND the actor in the same breath as if he didn’t sit in a trailer for hours getting his makeup done in blackface for MONTHS. and that movie came out the same year as iron man, the year people decided to say he was finally getting into good roles and he was becoming a better person. how interesting mhm yeah sure okay. i digress, onto the next— anyways. marvel is awful too because when scarlett johansson was asking for the money she fucking deserved for giving so much of her life and time to this role she was constantly ridiculed for, none of these dudes ya’ll love to conflate as actual heros said shit. they sat with her in interviews while she was sexually harassed and said literally nothing. all these men would rather protect their own reputation and their own likability and USE the power they have from portraying fake heros to boost their stats but god forbid they say shut up when an interviewer is sexually harassing a woman directly in front of them. makes sense. ​this franchise normalizes war and weapons and militarization to children. marvel sucks too because they really jump all over this idea that america was so influential in world war two. they fully take focus away from the victims of that war and that genocide and instead make it MORE about americans, who in all actuality played the fence until the war was basically over and only stepped in when they knew who was gonna win. propaganda and bullshit are america’s biggest exports. oh and i guess now, chemically polluted grains <3 enjoy your cancer popcorn after what happened in ohio and america tried to cover it up :) i hate marvel too because it’s just the most capitalistic bullshit i’ve ever seen in my life. literally couldn’t go anywhere or do anything without seeing that shit in my face. the budget for each of those movies could have paid for SO much else in this country but yeah yeehaw cowboys let’s dump it all into the glorification of for-profit heroism ;)

i literally could go on forever but i’ll stop cause this is so many words and i’m just here to talk shit rn

[leporellian]

Fuck it. Opera dashboard simulator

🐲 fafner Follow

hey whichever one of you left a tenor with a sword outside my lair can you come get him like i guess he's kind of fun to watch on the doorbell cam but he won't shut the fuck up

#i did not kill my brother and morph into a dragon to deal with this shit man

4 notes

🦉 troubadoursma Follow

I need to vent to you guys about something that happened to me sorry

(warning: child kidnapping/death, burning, etc)

Read more

🍭 rosinethegingerbreadwitch Follow

You know you can use roasted baby in a lot of really good recipes if you want to salvage the situation

🦉 troubadoursma Follow

What the fuck

111 notes

🦜 dervogel-fanger Follow

i think i'm getting desperate lol are any of my mutuals single and fem-identifying and down for a committed relationship? if your special interest is birds too that's a big plus. dm me if interested

0 notes

🌞 suntemple-official Follow

I'm gonna be real we've been kind of hatefollowing that vogelfanger acct for a while and we're losing it over his recent posts... 'are any of my mutuals single' DO YOU HEAR YOURSELFFF - Mod S

🌌 star-blazing-queen Follow

(unblocking you just to talk about this sorry) FOR REAL i get commissions from him so i have to follow him but he's so fucking annoying like just die already dude please

🌞 suntemple-official Follow

No offense I thought you were the worst user on this site but then I saw him and thought Actually no she's not that bad - Mod S

🦜 dervogel-fanger Follow

.

27 notes

🛡️ herodsoldier54 Follow

the one day i skip work and its the day our boss's stepdaughter went insane stripped for him and then made out with a decapitated head in front of everybody 😭😭😭😭

#my coworkers had to kill her and everything?????

98 notes

🌺 la-tosca Follow

RUNNING FROM THE COPS WITH MY HOT PAINTER BOYFRIEND AMA

🌺 la-tosca Follow

THEY FUCKING KILLED HIM

🌺 la-tosca Follow

GUESS I'M GONNA HAVE TO KILL SC*RPIA AGAIN IN THE AFTERLIFE LOL????? SEE YOU GUYS IN LIKE 15 MIN I THINK

#PRETTY SURE THEY HAVE WIFI THERE. I THINK #ALSO HOW PAINFUL IS JUMPING OFF A BUILDING. RESPOND FAST PLEASE

493 notes

🏵️ deverteallure Follow

The legal system here is so shit I'm gonna have to hire my fucking ex to be my lawyer. Fucking hate living in Seville man

#marcy speaks #also my ex really hates the defendant which i guess is really funny #for some reason they kind of look a little alike??? if you squint

6 notes

🦢 lohengrin Follow

kids these days dont know anything about online safety

🎇 wotanswilddaughter Follow

Bro isnt your url just your real name

🦢 lohengrin Follow

You didnt see that .

1,023 notes

💃 lahabanera Follow

Here can you guys fill this out for me stat

847 notes

🌊 sentaaaaa Follow

I want that ghost man carnally

48 notes

🐇 ilcatalogoilquesto Follow

So fucking tired of my terrible boss/roommate/crush maybe?/abuser hes being so fucking annoying rn. Wish i didnt have to deal with him

🐇 ilcatalogoilquesto Follow

Nvm

17 notes

[boosaot]

Guess who finally kicked their ass into gear and it watching "Army of the Doomstar"

(vv Spoilers cuz I'm legit yapping about the whole movie vv)

LONG post warning

Dude Toki is looking ROUGH

How about we un-shift gears and mind our damn business

NAW Toki's lil sad noise after Skwis refused his hug :(

Nathan's goin thru it jeez- IN THE MEDICAL WARD CUZ OF PTSD DAMN

Intro got me groovin'

Am I crazy or did the quality of animation get a lot better?

Murderface,,, Time and Place dude,,

THEYRE LIKE CHILDREN IM HOLLERING WHY IS TOKI LICKING THE FUCKING PEW IM ACTUALLY TEARING UP HOLY SHIT

!!Get off of me don't touch Skwigsaar!!

Pickles exhausted mom core

What an entrance Nathan "Uhh-Hi. Sorry. I'm on Xanax"

SORRY WHAT- Xan, Red Wine AND COFFEE brother is OUT OF IT

"fuck off."

Charles,, brother,, this man is not hearing a WORD you just said

IM OGING TO THROW UP FROM LAUGHING TOO MUCH

Marriage wont fix your trauma bestie- NATHAN PLEASE STAND UP

TAKE A LAP AROUFN THE BLOCK THINK ABOUT IT I- EHERHAHA

Nathan is just embarrassing the both of them in front of EVERYONE

IM- "There's no way this day could get any worse" "Please Welcome Dr. Rockzo, The Rock n' Roll Clown"

Someone kill this fuck-ass clown PLEASE his ass is OUT OF TUNE

Someone grab another pair of noise canceling headphones STAT

BRO YOU ARENT EVEN USING THEM PASS 'EM OVER

This has got to be a wild sight for Nathan bro is out of it

Fire cum is a new one,,, thank you for that Murderface

that was a bit excessive,, (actually startled me ngl)

hehaahEHAHA KNUBBLER YOU FUCKING LOSER (affectionate) looks so goofy fallin down the stairs

lol Toki quickly taking his feet out at MF pissing in their water supply (either cuz MF is literally pissing in the water or he himself didn't know he was putting his feet in their water supply,, either way, cute)

"Fuckers will be dying and shit" so real babe

Their hair wavin' in the wind so pretty

Sister Sunshine Rainbow Marshmallow Toki realness

:( this just make me sad bruh poor Murderface :(

THE WAY THEY JUST LET PICKLES FALL ON THE GROUND

Knubbler's losing it,, man,, that was good food too

Awe Toki's lil cheering while Nathan's climb

OKAY Animation I see you (Drugs ftw I guess)

SHOWTIME BAEBEYY

The ANIMATION WRAAA I am eating it (it looks so good)

Well as good of a song as this is,,, I HIGHLY doubt its the right one,, judging from all the death,, and non-salvation happening

GET UR ASS UP BITCH HEY YOUY BLOND FUCK GET TF UP HEY

nah im sure hes fine but still WAKE UP BESTIE (konked tf out)

BRO- Murderface the poor dude wtf man,,

damn R.I.P Knubbler u were a real one

IS HE PLAYING THE GUITAR PASSED OUT I-

bro is looking scrumptious

wet cat skwisgaar pt.2

he looks so baby right here whatthefuck

There was no way to convey this scene through text that would do it justice so here (The lil "uh-ow what the fuck ow" HAD ME CACKLING)

*claps*

Nathan you queer (<3)

even just the intro to the song is so fucking good dude )the lil "bwow-u-woung" noise from the guitar mnyamnyamnyam saur good)

Pickles is going insane on the drums

Salacia how about you go suck a bag of dicks

I wheezed (me too buddy)

They're on some gay shit rn (good for them)

Thousand yard stare

awe Toki

SKWISGAAR YOU CUNT IM HEHEHAHEHEEHAH

AYY fat kid survived the cats good for him

Hip jut out ok sass

LETS GOOOOO

WHALE GOD MVP

fellas... (Skwisgaar so princess loser here)

Nathen realizing the fans are the Army of the Doomstar is so fuckign funny (his lil "Holy Shit"s r so funny)

awe proud dad smile

-

That was such a good movie,,, holy fuckin shit,,

"chirp"

[sergeifyodorov]

I’m curious because of how you rank Cale, who do you think are the top 10 players in the league? (We can exclude goalies because they’re such an entirely different skill set but would love to hear their separate ranking)

oooh ok this is. an inchresting question... under the cut bc dashclog Et Cetera.... the cody sergeifyodorov unoffishul players rankings at This Very Moment In Time. get mad at me if u want idk let's dance

number ten: sidney crosby. Old Man Still Has It, More At Ten

number nine: david pastrnak. arguably -- and i am going to argue it -- the best pure shooter in the league. the reason hes not like theee goalscorer of all time is bc he generally lacks puck carriers/space creators/isn't much of a puck carrier or a space creator of his own, but like. based off shot alone? hundredth percentile.

number eight: elias pettersson. two way centre... the usual vancouver oish% boost but also just a fantastic dual threat AND a legit lady byng candidate with a penalty differential big enough to severely boost his value just based off that. like imho there's nothing that petey is specifically Good At (like how pasta is a pure goalscorer) but he's basically got no weaknesses. and hes gay

number seven: cale makar IS very good. conn smythe norris etc but most importantly he did win a hockeyblr babygirl of the year award so theres that too. some crazy bobby orr pointgetter. real good defensive results too. like hes crazy good and they say hes crazy good for a reason

number six: ill concede. leon draisaitl

[GAP OF PRETTY SIGNIFICANT SIZE]

number five: quinn hughes. i don't know what fuckass magic this sad little man has. decent finisher. great playmaker. best power play quarterback in the league. makes anyone who plays with him appear to be "oh shit, this guy's a great partner for hughes!" (i have seen this with at least 5 diff players, not one of whom anyone would consider Quite Good on their own.) L + ratio + oish% + makar has devon toews + youngest captain in the league + you bet that conn smythe and norris combo is his soon enough

number four: nathan mackinnon. best dual threat in the league (no one who's a better passer than him is a better goalscorer, and no one who's a better goalscorer is a better passer.)

number three: nikita kucherov. i want you to do something for me. i want you to go to espn dot com. i want you to go to espn dot com slash nhl. i want you to go to espn dot com slash nhl slash team stats tampa bay lightning. it should be sorted by points for you. there's dearly beloved creepy eyes keeta right there in first. 94 points as of me writing this. crazy number for right now. wolfboy of all time brayden point should be in second. take a look for me rn at the difference between those two in points. what the fuck

number two: auston matthews. is this leafs bias? sure. im a leafs guy. im just saying that he's a better goalscorer than ovi in his prime, and he's a centre and great defensively too. i could tell you that he is fifth all time in goals per game, and two of the four guys ahead of him were born in the 1800s. i could tell you that he has 48 goals in 52 games right now, and 0 empty netters. i could tell you that if you only counted goals he scored when the leafs were down one or tied, he'd be in the top ten in goals this year.

[GAP OF PRETTY SIGNIFICANT SIZE]

number one: connor mcdavid. he has almost as many assists as the second-best in his draft class (mitchell) has points. he has 930 points in 620 games. he is the only player in the salary cap era to have a 150-point season. idk there's just fuckin . no one like him. like generally an untrained eye can't really see how much better or faster any given player is than the rest but like. you can with him. he just Looks a step ahead of the pack. top five all time, and he's in his prime rn!!!! lets go connie all my homies love connie

[shuttershocky]

*pops up out of the ground dodging the understandable reflexive gunfire*

So I’m still having a blast with Mo and Krill but there’s a problem with controller mapping rn where I can’t seem to remap the cancel ability function to a controller, which means having to try and frantically hit space with a finger while I’m in the middle of a firefight

Because if that I wanted to see if there was a build to be made around maximizing the grab damage/impact, but all the builds I find focus on the dig and burst strat and I’m still very green at moba building. Any advice for a grappler main trying to maximize Mo’s beatdown?

Sure thing, but before we begin please take a look at Shahed's fundraiser and consider donating if you are able! This is a vetted fundraiser that's been stalling for a bit, and while we're talking about free video games I think the money saved could go to people in need.

_____

So if you want to build around Combo, what you need are friends who will actually follow you beefiness, and damage while doing combo. The reason why you're seeing builds based around Burrow is because it has the best spirit scaling at 1.4x, while Combo has a scaling of 0.8x, meaning 100 spirit will give +140 DPS to Burrow while only giving +80 to Combo.

This should be balanced out by Combo giving your allies the easiest kill of their lives. However Deadlock is a team game, which means that teamwork is the last thing you are ever going to see, so we're going to build to do the damage ourselves.

After filling out all your slots with cheap items you will replace later (remember, Tier 1 items cost only 500 souls for stats, so if you sell them you get 250 souls back which means you only spent 250 souls for the temporary boost), beefy stuff like Extra Health, Restorative Shot, Enduring Spirit, Mystic Reach (you will upgrade this later) etc, the first items you want to aim for are items that let you move and farm fast. Fleetfoot and Surge of Power (imbue on Burrow) are great for this, since the first gives you movespeed on activation and also lets you shoot your gun without slowing yourself down (good for chases), while Surge of Power gives a damage boost to Burrow and also turns you into a racecar when underground. Push lanes into enemy territory and steal all their jungle camps and Sinner Sacrifice machines (you want to leave your own camps for your crybaby DPS teammates), and if you see them going for you hit Burrow and zoom away (or zoom in if they're attacking your allies).

This ability to farm fast and shove waves is what's going to let you actually buy items and earn the flex slots that enable your Combo build. Get Duration Extender and Improved Cooldown as soon as you can, this will extend the length of your Combo and lower its cooldown. If you're balling and got 3k Souls early though, get Torment Pulse first. If you don't know what it does, Torment Pulse makes two enemies around you take Spirit Damage just by being near you once every 1.7s, good both for farming even faster and for tacking on extra damage to Combo. Duration Extender and Improved Cooldown can be upgraded into Superior Duration and Superior Cooldown which can both be imbued on an ability for an even bigger bonus, so imbue it on Combo. Mystic Reach can be upgraded into Improved Reach as well, to extend Maurice's grabby arms just a little longer.

Now here comes the part the community Build guides don't tell you: Cooldown reduction works on Torment Pulse. That damage every 1.7 seconds? It's coded as a cooldown, so cooldown reduction reduces the amount of time between bursts of damage, increasing its DPS. We already bought Superior Cooldown, but there's CDR on other items too. And what do you know, they're stuff Mo and Krill likes to buy.

Enchanter's Barrier gives you 300 Spirit Shield. While the Spirit Shield is up, get 8% Cooldown Reduction and 20 spirit power. Diviner's Kevlar gives you 700 bullet and spirit shield when activating your ult, perfect for the guy that makes his enemies scream "SHOOT THE MOLEMAN" when grabbing them. It also gives you 20% Spirit Lifesteal (heal while Comboing!) and 12% CDR. Soul Rebirth auto-revives you once every 3 minutes if you die (and you're a tank so it's gonna happen), but it's also got 15% Cooldown Reduction. You get the idea.

Stack enough CDR and Torment Pulse's cooldown goes from 1.7 to 0.9 seconds, almost doubling its damage. Between Mo and Krill's disruptive skillset and Torment Pulse proccing Spirit Lifesteal, he becomes a menace in teamfights.

Of course, midway through this build any team with half a brain is going to realize you have to be countered or you make every teamfight an automatic 6v5, so you're going to have to make compromises with this theoretical build.

What those compromises are will change depending on the enemy. Lots of Spirit damage? Build Coldfront (+10% Spirit Resist and a handy AOE freezing blast trhat slows people, great for catching enemies for a Combo) and Improved Spirit Armor. Disappearing under a stream of bullets? Warpstone gives you 30% bullet resist on use, and also helps you teleport right on top of an enemy to Combo them. Enemy built a shitload of Spirit Resist to counter you? Build Hunter's Aura and reduce their Bullet Resist instead. If you're fast with your fingers, you can also build Alchemical Fire which throws a burning flask on the ground that makes any enemies within it take constant spirit damage and take +50% increased weapon damage. Nobody really buys this (apart from Vindicta) because enemies usually just walk out, but nobody keeps the enemy from moving quite like Maurice.

A build guide can only teach you so much. With a game like Deadlock, a lot of your ability to even complete the items listed in this guide is going to be determined by your mechanical ability to outplay your enemies both in the micro sense (in fights) and in the macro sense (winning the resource race), but so long as you understand the main ideas presented here, you should have a target goal to reach.

TL;DR

Make your Combo last longer, reach further, and cooldown faster

Support Combo with Torment Pulse

Cooldown Reduction increases the DPS of Torment Pulse (lol)

Only invest as much into Combo as you're allowed to get away with. You're the team's tank and bruiser, so bulk up.

If you have any questions just ask, and if you found this helpful please consider donating to Shahed's GFM linked above or to some of the fundraisers linked here

[addrieana]

Ego??

EgoxReader | Of course, Not proofread, I'm lazy

teeny tiny bit of spoiler from the manga I promise it does not affect the experience. ✋

I'm in my Ego simping era rn don't you think Ego's underrated??

*******************

When you found out that the Ego Jinpachi used to play soccer, you were shocked, hell even to say that you were shocked was an understatement. Like your boyfriend who just stays in front of his computer all day looking at striker's stats and slurping on his ramen is actually Noa Noel's, like Yoichi said "rival"?? And it came from noa's own mouth too. So of course you would pester him about it, "hon, someone told me you were a soccer player before." "hmm? yeah yeah" your boyfriend who obviously did not understand you, replied. "wait. what? where did you hear that from?" he looked up from his computer finally processing what you just said. "uhhh... Isagi and Noa, is it true though? is it true?", "no need to worry about that, past is past." he answered vaguely, but that's all you needed to know because that means that he's admitting that he once played soccer. "woahhh, my boyfriend was actually the world's best striker's rival?? baby come over here let me cuddle you pleaseee 🥺" you told him looking amazed. "eh come on it's not that amazing, but sure I'll cuddle you. I'll be the big spoon though."

*******************

When I saw this in the manga I knew I had to write cuz like??? Ego was actually noa's rival? or should I say "brothers in arm" was that it? Hope you enjoyed even °^° requests are open btw!

[kurishiri]

Thanks for your reply!! Btw I'm just counting, but isn't it cheaper to just get 13 story tickets for 1300 and using them during the 2x time instead of going for the silver bundle, or any other bundle? Since you get 200 (400) for each chapter, plus an additional 500 (1000) for 5 chapters, so you get 13x 400 = 5200 and plus 2x 1k =7200 hearts, which equals to 72 heart sends vs 52 from the silver bundle? Since you get 4 coctails (2000 hearts during 2x), + 5 story tickets = 2000+1000, +200 hearts so it should give you 5200 hearts. So overall, it seems to me just purchasing story tickets seems way cheaper always. Gold set coctail: 10*80*5=4k, story ticket 8*400+1k=4.2k +500 = 8700 hearts vs 23 tickets = 10k+4k =14k hearts. So 87 vs 140 sends. So it's way cheaper to just buy story tickets and use them during 2x (or 3x) instead of going for the value sets, as I didn't calculate the later bundles, but since even the gold set is almost 40% less sends, I think it's the best to just buy tickets directly, or ticket bundles, right? :) By the way, do you have a translation or any vidoes of jude's card? I'm super curious if it's actually worth it to spend 20eur or more to get him or not :D

hii! i'll put the stuff about the bundles and all that under the cut again, but to answer your question about the jude card .. i mean, i think this story will have diehard jude fans screaming loll im not sure like where you at on the jude fan scale, but even though the story itself isn't like super romantic, as in kate and jude are not in an established relationship here, its got the tension lmao and lets just say, i think some lines in there can definitely be taken out of context 👌✨ im not sure if there's a video out there rn or if someone had tled it (you could check out @.archiveikemen, though i think they mentioned sorta stopping tling jude centric stories at one pt and idk if that pt was before or after that jude card came out on jp. or @.judesmoonbeauty as ik shes a jude fan!) but i hope my description can sort of help you get an idea what to expect without dropping too much spoilers and all.

each story ticket expended effectively equates to 🩷100 without lucky time, but they only give you 🩷500 only after you complete all 5 scenes in the chapter. during 2x lucky time for stories, you would receive 🩷200 per scene (ticket spent), i.e. 🩷1,000 for every chapter. so assuming you start at chapter 1, 13 story tickets would be enough for you to get 🩷2,000 plus another 🩷400 for the intimacy check, totaling to 🩷2,400 = 24 times sent, as 13 tickets will only be enough to read 2 chapters in its entirety; you don't receive 🩷200 for each ticket you spend, but rather 🩷1,000 every 5 tickets spent.

and for escorts, you can get 🩷40 normally without any lucky time applied, per escort (20 AP). so 5 escorts, i.e. expending all 100 AP, or 1 cocktail, will get you 🩷200. during lucky time, we double the amount of hearts per escort to 🩷80, which will make doing 5 escorts 🩷400.

so, if you buy 23 tickets, which is 💎2,300 and enough to get you through 4 full parts with 3 tickets overflow, as 23 % 5 = 3... assuming you start at chapter 1 of a route, that would place you at:

no lucky time: (4 × 🩷500) + (2 × 🩷200) = 🩷2,400 = 24 times sent

2x lucky time: (4 × 🩷1,000) + (2 × 🩷400) = 🩷4,800 = 48 times sent

3x lucky time i realized there was also a time frame where they had 3x story lucky time, but i didn't account for that in the previous ask because.. jp didnt have any lmao: (4 × 🩷1,500) + (2 × 🩷600) = 🩷7,200 = 72 times sent

if you buy the gold set for 💎200 more at 💎2,500... first to calculate story tickets... like the 23 ticket option, you will have 8 % 5 = 3 tickets overflow with enough to read 1 chapter in its entirety. again, assuming you start at chapter 1, here are the stats,

no lucky time: 🩷500 = 5 times sent

2x lucky time: 🩷1,000 = 10 times sent

3x lucky time: 🩷1,500 = 15 times sent

and then you have 10 cocktails, so that will give you

no lucky time: 10 × 🩷200 = 🩷2,000 = 20 times sent

2x lucky time: 10 × 🩷400 = 🩷4,000 = 40 times sent

3x lucky time: 10 × 🩷600 = 🩷6,000 = 60 times sent

on top of that, you get 🩷500 = 5 times sent.

so even in the worst case where you use the set items during no lucky time, you get 5 + 20 + 5 = 30 times sent. and in the best case, you can snag 15 + 60 + 5 = 80 times sent. if you use both the tickets and the cocktails during 2x lucky time for the story and escorts respectively, you have 10 + 40 + 5 = 55 times sent. and plus, you get 3 closets, which i mean, it's good to always take closets where you can.

so, if you ask me, personally i wouldn't say it's way cheaper to just buy a bunch of story tickets, per se. i feel like if you're going to just buy story tickets, you may as well just get the 30 tickets and 🩷600 during the story lucky time for 💎3,000. you would essentially be getting a little more than an entire chapter's worth of hearts gifted for free (without lucky time), so you would be saving yourself 💎500, effectively. during 2x lucky time, you would be getting 🩷6,000 + 🩷800 + 🩷600 = 🩷7,400 = 74 times sent. again, assuming you start from chapter 1.

i hope this helps a bit figure out what you want to do!

[loveroflewdity]

I CANNOT wait for the pregnancy content I have like the biggest breeding kink, trying to get my main girl bred by either Sydney or Kylar rn (and threw in one Leighton cummie because I thought it would be really funny to have his kid)

Like, I want Kylar to go just FERAL when they find out that they got u pregnant, coming with you to all your classes, stalking you wayyyy more often than before being super protective and also their lust stat just going bonkers and being at like 80 - 100 all the time 🤤🤤🤤🤤

For Sydney it would of course depend on their purity, pure Syd just checking in on you and rubbing ur belly whenever you come to the library and giving it lil kisses while they fawn over u, making sure that if ur working at the sex shop that you're not doing anything too intensive etc.

Corrupt Sydney though???? They would be such a lil freak abt it I think, not like Kylar but more just like, if u visit them in the library they're keeping a hand on ur belly the whole time, grabbing your hip when someone comes to return a book, making u sit on their lap so they can keep you close, giving you reasons to bend over so they can sneak peeks at ur chest, when they're fucking you they're rubbing ur belly and holding you tight and telling u how they'd put another in you if they could <33333

Also Sirris would be so happy and loving towards you when they find out ur pregnant with Syd's kid, like they basically become the parent u never had spoiling both u and the baby and making u move in and being so nice to you

(can u tell Sydney is my favorite lol)

Avery would be probably pretty hands off, making you do most of it, but if they asked you on dates for super public things they'd have you bring the baby with so they could act like the doting parent bc u know they gotta keep up appearances; they'd probably make sure you always have enough money for things though, and sometimes you'd go to their place and have actually really nice evenings with them and ur kid (as long as their rage is like super low)

Whitney (as Vrel said) would be a p good parent, I think they probably had / have at least one younger sibling that they take care of, and so they kinda get how it is with a child, they'd probably relax a lot, definitely stop bullying you but still would have some issues with being close because they're a bit emotionally constipated lol, also would think you're pretty hot while you're pregnant, they'd probably find more ways to mess around with you in public (than they already do) and show off how they've claimed you completely <3

Robin would probably freak out at first and would be so worried about being a good parent the whole time, but they'd definitely be there as much as possible; they might end up doing some of the mire unsavory jobs willingly so that they can try to take some of the burden off you while you're pregnant, would probably be a little scared to do much sex with you because they don't wanna hurt the baby and they're a sweetheart :)

Alex would probably be pretty good at being a parent as well, I think it'd be a similar situation with Whitney where they have siblings that they've had to take care of, plus the added bonus of not having to live in the orphanage helps a lot, would probably be worried about u not being as close to the hospital as u could be but I think you'd reassure them and they'd be fine, would probably be somewhat into u being pregnant? I think it would be a little less hot to them because they're so used to it with the animals that it's just a normal thing to them, on the flip side, they might be like actually super into it (could rival Kylar) but have conflicted feelings about it

Eden would probably be pretty happy, maybe somewhat worried about getting enough food for you and the baby, would definitely think it's super hot though, probably would call you Mama or something like that when you're having sex and wanna have a whole bunch of kids running around eventually (they have a huuuuge breeding kink I think)

Great Hawk and Black Wolf are probably pretty similar, they're both overjoyed to hear that ur pregnant (they probably tell you that u are in fact) and are somewhat doting on you but also doing things that they claim are good for the baby like having u drink their cum or smth idk

With Black Wolf of course comes some dynamics of like ur status in the pack because of being pregnant with their pups or whatever, all the other wolves are probably way more gentle with you and respectful bc they don't wanna get in trouble (also I know BW already has some preg content but I haven't experienced it so I will be writing my own thank u very much)

Can write more about some of the NPCs later if anyone wants to hear my thoughts about them :)

[project-sekai-facts]

Do you think we could get an event centering on akito and rui this fall/winter? I swear they're always in the same set w different rarities but none of them actually focus on their dynamic (or whatever it's called).

i don't think it's that likely tbh. it's too early to make a definite call on it, but just looking at their card stats rn it doesn't seem like it'll work out well. Rui is pretty far behind on lims but is tied for the most 4* cards in the game and has been for a while, so he's probably going to be used pretty sparingly for the remainder of the year. meanwhile the last four 4*s has received have been lim, including his WLE card, so i reckon he won't get another one for a little while. plus he's tied for the most lims in the game.

you could maybe get them on a perm mixed event if they space out rui's card distrubution well, but i'm not entirely sure how those are gonna play out since WLEs kinda fucked up the event pacing. Like I dunno if they're gonna spam perm mixed events to make up for the two VBS hakolims not having perm mixed events afterwards, or if there's gonna be even more WLEs that prevent perm mixed events. as i said earlier i can probably give you a clearer answer nearer the time.

[fruitbasketball]

wnba recap 6/23

WELCOME. TO. THE MOTHAFUCKIN. W.

AYYYYYYYY welcome back everyone we have SUCHHHHHH. a good day of hoops to cover so let’s get into it 🙏🏽

new york liberty vs. atlanta dream

good lord atlanta is ass bro like respectfully. i’ve recapped like 3-4 of their games by now and i don’t think their team efficiency has breached 40% i’m so deadass. dubbing them the asslanta dream because holy fuck HOW are you shooting a cool 16.7% from 3.

imma cut y’all some slack bc i know y’all miss rhyne rn but damn bro. let’s get it together yeah? tina charles you always do what huskies gon do. 19/7. i like it but you gotta move baby girl you gotta get traded. tina charles to golden state dear lord 💀

miss breanna stewart i am just asking for some consistency 😭😭😭 PLEASE BRO PLEASE. anyway sabrina with a double double on assists (26/11) jj double double on boards (15/11)

and liberty win because… if they didn’t it would’ve been embarrassing!! anyway!

dallas wings vs washington mystics

i say the mystics play dallas all season so that dallas get a higher pick and mystics actually win games because this is two games in a row that they bent dallas over and fucked them.

speaking of being bent over and fucked - emily. engstler. 100% from 3. 13 points 4 rebounds in 25 minutes like CAN Y’ALL FUCKIN PLAY HER??? THANK YOU GOOD GOD.

good production from the dc starting lineup except julie vanloo but she’s normally solid.

meanwhile the dallASS wings are 3-13 and have officially won less games than the mystics. tank for paige officially successful thank you dallas.

rike bro quit shooting the ball like that dawg im BEGGING you. thank you natasha howard for 26/8. arike take notes 💀 teaira mccowan don’t touch a court for a while. man y’all are embarrassing me bro this is a TEXAS TEAM CAN YOU-

i miss satou. can y’all play lou some more too?? and lani??? like DAMN!

anyway painful box to review and i’m sure painful to watch but congrats on win #4 for washington… i don’t claim dallas

connecticut sun vs seattle storm

man i swear connecticut JUST played seattle bro this league too damn small. anyway nika didn’t play so if that’s what anyone’s looking for: scroll.

everybody sleeping on sds but she had 8 assists today so y’all stay sleeping!! idgaf!! good team effort from the seattle starting lineup tho like it’s very even contribution/satisfying stat sheet yfm.

yeah i wouldn’t play sami whitcomb either so not gonna say tm ab that. jewell ily but make a 3? maybe? idk? matter of fact nobody in this game today could make a 3 like seattle shot 25% and connecticut shot fucking 14.3%. shit efficiency all around but i’ll chalk it up to good defense. i hope.

connecticut just had a bad game like nai didn’t contribute like she normally does, everyone in the starting lineup was p inefficient except for AT.

end of the day, the sun just got outplayed. they got outscored in the paint, were less efficient from all 3 levels, and got to the line more but failed to finish.

indiana fever vs. chicago sky

i know you bitches were waiting for this one

ANGEL REESE. ROTY. GIMME. THAT. SHITTTTTTTT

chicago eke out a win but what a night for the rookies. a double double for caitlin clark, a double double for the twin towers - everybody gets a double double!!

except marina mabrey. who can’t make a fucking free throw apparently. aight this is why i don’t watch chicago that white lady piss me off bro.

no actually let’s talk about this because 2-fucking-14 from the field is diabolical. i don’t care if you had 5 boards and 4 assists. YOU WERE 1-10 FROM 3!!!! QUIT TAKING THE FUCKING SHOT BRO 😭😭😭😭

chennedy carter you a dawggggg

angel reese: 25 points and 16 boards. you’re reading that right. 16 boards. DAWG behavior. she a DAWG.

indiana… hey girl :( what’s wrong :( y’all not like that??? nah fr tho respect to nalyssa smith bc going head to head w angel reese is hard and she came out of it with 13 points 7 boards and… 5 fouls but dw about that.

obv a double double for caitlin but she’s consistently been fouling these past few games which forces me to think that she is in fact playing some semblance of defense. potentially. i hope.

kristy wallace never touch a court again. that play at the end was embarrassing. it was humiliating. it was painful to watch. what is this team’s game plan bro like. can y’all screen for caitlin??? her last name is basically clutch like SET HER A FUCKING STAGGERED SCREEN??? and GET HER THE BALL!!!

anyway that was good tv i personally enjoyed myself quite a bit and there’s smth… so interesting… ab playing not like us in this specific environment. i appreciated it.

SEE Y’ALL SOON AND SEND ME YOUR THOUGHTS!!!! WE BACK BABYYYYYY