#notesfrommandysmusings

[amanduhcrush]

I just wanted to take a moment to reflect on friendship. All the friendships that have touched my life. The people who I have memories with. You know, the stories I tell my girlfriend late at night about our good times. It may be a song or a band that comes on shuffle that brings the story to light. Forever the Sickest Kids. Senses Fail. Halsey. Dominos. Vance Joy. Eyes Set to Kill. The one’s I’m taking about are imprinted upon my soul in such a way that I can really go back to the days. The days where these memories were made. I remember the story. 

It may be a part of the natural ebb and flow of the universe-conversation-flow that leads me to bringing you up. A park, a house, a metaphor. The optics of my memory nerve, focus as quickly as they can within my heart to bring out the colors of our good times.

Whatever it may be that prompts the story - retelling it to my significant other truly brings me joy. I love sharing the stories of the people, songs, places, and times I’ve shared with you, with my girlfriend. It’s so cool because it introduces her to a whole new part of me. A part my story - before her and I met. 

It takes me back to the jokes. The laughs. The stupid times we’ve had. All the trouble we’d get in just by goofing off and being happy that we had freedom. No parents around to tell us what we could and couldn’t do. So sometimes we just made fun of each other and sometimes we pushed each other to grow. No matter what, I always view these times with loving eyes and a little razzle-dazzle. You’ve made my life feel charming.

The razzle-dazzle I add with my own lens of life, is there because I truly love you, dear friend. You are beautiful in every way possible. Oh yes, even the unlovable things you do make you beautiful. And, honestly I can admit that I’m waaaay human all the time. Always saying things I regret and doing things I wish I had known better not to do. If any of the things I’ve done have gotten in the way of our friendship, please know that I ask for forgiveness. I wasn’t always the best and wasn’t always the smartest.

But regardless of the past, I just want to say that I miss you so, so much. And I just want to thank you for teaching me some of the lessons that I needed to learn.

I want you to know that I cherish you. And the little bits of razzle-dazzly, love and sparkle I add to the stories when I tell Kady, is because of the grace I know you’d grant me. In reality, I tell her about how you’ve made me laugh, how you’ve done goofy things, how good and amazing of a person you are, and how much you’ve helped me grow. 

Sure, we’ve had our ups and downs. But please understand, I love you so much. Always. Because time never changes true soul friendships. I know we are in each others memories, holding little bits of space, dazzling with little bits of shimmery color.

And I wish I knew you more, today. Because I know how great of a person you are. You’ve shined bright lights on the darkest parts of my soul. And, I can still feel your presence in my life. Sometimes I’m distant, because I’m a goof. But that never means I do not care about you. I’m usually casually thinking of you. Maybe hoping a little bit...

...hoping a bit that you would text me and say “sup” like it’s been a trailed off conversation from a few days ago. I’d like to check in. We can share how we’ve changed and grown. How we’re struggling. And all our hopes & dreams. I know I’ve changed a lot, but for some reason I still feel like the same ol’ Amanda, Meg, Wargz, soul-sister,  goof-butt you remember. My heart feels the same. Always will.

So if you want to talk, just know... to steal a sentiment...lovingly from one of you, “the backdoor will always be open…”

--------------------------------------------- A friend is someone who

knows the song in your heart.

And can sing it back to you

when you’ve forgotten the words.

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[amanduhcrush]

“Trying to fix yourself is a form of judgment and judgment will keep you eternally imprisoned within separation. Awakening is not about fixing yourself. It is about revealing every aspect of yourself with love, acceptance and compassion.”— Leonard Jacobson

A unique question was raised in my head, after some thought, while pondering this quote. So, if you were to have every aspect of yourself revealed to you...would you want that?

And secondly, to tie in the last part of the quote and sweeten the idea just a bit...what if while revealing yourself to yourself, or the universe revealing you to you...you did so with love and acceptance and compassion?

Okay, well here’s the deal. Before this question can be fully pondered and given an answer, I have to tell you what I understand to be the truth about this. You might have to do some work yourself to do the revealing. And sometimes the universe will give you some real doozies - as lessons - to understanding yourself better.

But in the end...do you really want *YOU* and who *YOU ARE* to be revealed to you.

I’d argue that who you ARE and who you BE are one in the same. And naturally - we are all BEING all the time, as human beings - sooooo, why wouldn’t you want to know who you are?

I mean, is who you are defined in how many people come to your funeral? Obviously, not. Life is strange. Sometimes we have messy or unusual circumstances. Is who you are defined in how others think of you? Well, honestly that’s a lesson I believe the Universe is still teaching me. Is who you are defined as how you touch the world and the Universe that holds you in it? I mean, you’re technically imprinting an energetic field within and beyond your aura and thoughts and actions..every single second. Every moment.

There’s no answers here. Only questions. Only little mini-truths. What do you make of it? What questions does this quote at the top bring up for you? What do you think of the tangent questions that I brought up? And my pretend answers. What questions do you have that are totally unrelated? Or answers you have, too. Let’s collect and dissect. Play around and see what happens.

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- notesfrommandysmusings