#now every time i see people talking about discourse i have this OH NO moment where I'm like IS THIS ABOUT ME

[lostsyren]

ׂׂૢ་༘࿐ the vip life 🍸🌺🍹 ・。.・✭・.

{word count: 2.1k}

{summary: a look into rafe and sofia’s thoughts at the party in season 3 episode 7 & a bit of context to their relationship}

{part 2: here}

ׂׂૢ་༘࿐ “So this is the VIP life huh?” Sofia smiled over the red lip of her solo cup. She watched with sparkling eyes as Rafe smirked down at her, glancing around, before he answered.

“Hmn Yeah.”

Sofia had a lot of kooks who’d frequented the bar to try their lines on her, but they never took it further than that, always returning to their golf games, never to look her way again. She’d be lying if she said it didn’t hurt. Moving to the Outer Banks a couple months ago from Mexico had been hard…lonely. She’d only made one friend so far. So when this good looking guy, eyes the colour of the ocean, smile bright and winning, had approached her for the second time, she was taken aback… ׂׂૢ་༘࿐

“Sofia right?” He’d said.

She was ducked under the bar, placing new stock away into shelves. Hearing her name, she jumped up with a sigh, quickly plastering on a smile.

“That’s me,” she chirped, putting on her customer service voice, “can I help you with anything?”

Rafe just laughed softly, eyes roaming her face, trailing down to her body. She prickled with confusion.

“You don’t have to speak like that with me, I thought we were chill.”

He was talking about their conversation earlier. As he asked for a glass of whiskey the two exchanged a couple words. He asked her for her name. She told him it, and then he said ‘thank you for the drink’. But that was it.

Now as the sun sank in the sky, the clouds tinged with orange and pink, he’d approached her again, whilst she unloaded stock behind the bar.

“Oh, hi I didn’t know it was you.” Her shift was ending soon and she was drained. She probably looked it too.

“My name is Rafe by the way.”

“Okay….” She said, quirking her eyebrow in confusion.

What was this? Despite being on the island for less than 4 months, she was aware of the discourse between the ‘kooks’ and ‘pogues’. The people who swarmed the country club were ‘Kooks’, which meant the people serving them were ‘Pogues’. So what was this Kook boy doing talking with her just as the bar was about to close?

Rafe chuckled tensely, hand palming the back of his neck.

Was he nervous?

“Is everything ok?” Sofia asked, mouth furrowing into a concerned frown.

“Yeah no– I’m good. I just wanted to say I’m having a party on Saturday. You should come.”

Oh.

“Huh?” She said, struggling to comprehend.

“Yeah, just give me your number so I can text you the address.”

And that’s how she ended up in Tannyhill, with Rafe Cameron’s arm slung around her shoulder.

The size of the house alarmed her, the huge white edifice looming over the landscape as she pulled up to his driveway, seemingly getting bigger as she approached it.

“You wanna see some more?” Rafe said, voice low. Tone suggestive.

Sofia’s stomach flipped, “yeah I’m down.”

“Great news, that’s great news, I’ll give you the grand tour,” he teased, pulling her into his body with his arm. Sofia laughed melodically, letting him lead her inside, butterflies fluttering in her stomach. The two slotted perfectly against each other, Sofia relishing the way he found every opportunity to touch her. She knew he probably only wanted to sleep with her. But she didn’t care– she also wanted the same. He was hot. Enthralling. Undeniable. For a moment she could pretend like she was one of the girls at the country club– not just its bartender.

They were about to enter, before she felt Rafe’s hand slide down her back. She turned to look up at him.

“Just give me like five minutes. I’ll meet you upstairs.”

She nodded, noticing how his hand seemed to linger on her lower back.

“Ok,” she smiled, exiting the balcony.

Sofia roamed the house, not really knowing much of the people there. She offered a couple of smiles, but not many people reciprocated them. She followed Rafe’s instructions and headed upstairs. The girls all seemed to throw her chary, frigid looks, casting whispers to their friends as she walked past. Sofia felt her skin turn red, feeling the scrutiny pierce her. She pushed the sensation away, hoping that Rafe would be quick.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Barry’s words left a stirring disquiet in his stomach.

The hint that he needed to remove Ward off the battlefield, as Barry had put it, swirling about in his mind.

Rafe downed his drink, letting the crystal glass clatter onto the table as he got up in a huff.

“Have fun Country Club,” Barry jeered, as he left the balcony, mood soured. He headed upstairs to Sofia. His nerves were frayed and Barry hadn’t helped, now his mind migrating elsewhere. Somewhere dark.

Despite his playboy persona, his exaggerated swagger and intense ostentation, Rafe hadn’t been like this in years. After what had happened to the Sheriff, he put the hedonism of house parties and the company of girls behind him, too consumed by a festering guilt.

But he was past that now. He could enjoy himself again.

He reached the top of the stairs. This floor was empty, the noise of the party filtering up from downstairs. He spotted her. She was standing by the table with all the framed photographs of the Cameron family, of them as kids, of them at Midsummers. He watched as she ran a finger through the dust coated picture frames, picking one of them up with a small smile. Rafe roiled with anticipation.

He supposed that was why he asked Sofia to come. He could’ve had any kook girl of his choosing, but he was afraid. He knew word got around in the country club circles– the pressure would be too much. Besides, most of them were mean. Vapid. Obsessive.

Sofia seemed sweet. He could tell she hadn’t been in the Outer Banks long since she didn’t know who he was. He liked that. There wasn’t any expectation for him to fulfil. Or for him to disappoint. By being Rafe Cameron…Whatever that meant.

He inhaled a short, sharp breath and approached her, slipping a hand around her waist from behind, “hey.”

Sofia jumped up slightly, letting out a little gasp, “oh my god you scared me,” she laughed spinning around to face him.

“Oh yeah? What are you doing snooping about my house then, Miss Sofia?” He teased, slotting his other hand around her waist too.

“Just looking at the pictures. You were cute as a kid.” Her smile was big and her eyes were shiny, the irises almost lined with gold. They reminded him of how the Cross of Santo Domingo burned in the fire. Golden and bright.

Fuck she was gorgeous– Rafe thought– especially for a Pogue.

“And what about now?” He probed.

He could see her eyes dilate, “still cute.”

Rafe felt his heartbeat waver.

“I’ll show you to my room.”

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Sofia walked into the vast space, the four post bed sprawling and plush, damask drapes lining each window, the chandelier casting light refractions across the creamy walls as the sunset spilled in through the glass.

“Woah.” Was the only thing she could say.

Rafe laughed softly behind her, shutting the door as he entered.

“Let me take that from you.” He said as he neared her, swiping the red solo cup out of her hand and placing it on the bedside table. She obliged, eyes tailing him, an amalgam of excitement and anxiety brimming in her.

The sun was setting, the sky getting dusky with the heady glow of late summer, the room awash in the colours of twilight. Sofia could see Rafe’s eyes shine darkly as he looked down at her.

“How did you find the party then?” He asked.

She smiled once again, finding it hard not to, “I had fun. Thanks for the invite.”

“That’s good– I’m glad. Uh you wanna sit down?”

Sofia nodded, letting him lead her to the side of the bed. Rafe seemed different now. The sharp confidence from before was replaced with a care and softness that surprised her.

The two were silent for a while, the music from the party sounding faint and far away and the soft shadows of the room felt warm and fuzzy. Rafe placed a gentle hand on her knee, contrasting the quick and easy ways he’d touched her throughout the day. This was deliberate.

“Can I…” he started.

Sofia nodded, “please do,” her voice close to a whisper.

His fingers inched up her thigh, his touch light like gossamer, trailing up to the strands tying her bikini cover up. He tugged them lazily, letting the fabric fall. Sofia’s chest rose and fell as she tried to level her breathing, watching Rafe with lidded eyes. His gaze roamed her body hungrily, the pupils growing darker.

His hands then moved to the side of her face, tucking the stray strands of hair behind her ear. Rafe inched closer towards her, finally bridging the gap with a slow kiss, Sofia feeling her skin prickle in expectation.

Her hand shot to his face, cupping his cheek as he deepened the kiss, whilst pulling down the fabric of her dress, until she was left in nothing but her red bikini.

Rafe’s face lit up, the slow and deliberate movements giving way to a quick and fervid desperation as he swiped his polo shirt off in one swift manoeuvre, capturing Sofia in his arms and placing her head on the pillow as he caged her body with his.

She gasped at the sudden change in pace, looking up at him with a doe eyed expression.

“Sorry,” he murmured, confusing her countenance for fear.

“Don’t apologise, just come here,” she said with a dopey smile, pulling him into a kiss, as she hooked her arms around his neck.

“As you wish, Miss Sofia,” he teased, smiling against her lips at the nickname he’d given her.

His body was flush against hers, the two of them getting lost in a heady bubble of ecstasy as the party continued on downstairs.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

The sun had set completely, the sky dark and the stars out. Rafe switched on a lamp, lying back in bed with his arms behind his head. Sofia was in the shower, the faint sound of water running the only thing he could hear in the room.

Everyone had left, the music had stopped. It was just them in the house. But despite how much fun he’d had with her, he couldn’t stop thinking about the inkling in his head– Ward needed to be gone.

The door to the en-suite creaked open, Sofia entering the room wrapped in a towel, rivulets of water running down her skin. She gave a smile, which Rafe reciprocated, sitting up on his elbow. He pushed away the dark thoughts that had wormed into his brain and honed on to her. She walked over to her discarded bikini and cover, picking the flimsy material up.

“Thanks for letting me use your shower.” She said sweetly.

“No problem.” Rafe replied.

“I guess I’ll be heading home then.”

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion, “what?”

“Yeah, I’ll get out of your way.”

Rafe got up out of bed, pulling on his boxers, “it’s late. You’ve had a couple of drinks. Just stay the night.” He walked past her towards his wardrobe, pulling out a clean shirt and handing it to her. “Here you can wear this.”

Sofia eyed the shirt. Then flicked her gaze up to him.

“You sure?”

He laughed softly, slightly puzzled, “yeah of course.”

Sofia accepted the shirt, giving him a funny look.

“I’ll look away. You get changed.” He said, walking back to the bed as she slipped it on.

She climbed in bed not soon after, lying down with a sigh.

“You’re not like how I thought you’d be.” She mused, glancing over to him quietly.

Rafe’s breath hitched, “is that a good thing or a bad thing.”

“Good. Definitely good.”

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Rafe had fallen asleep. His back was turned to her, his soft breaths ebbing and flowing in the silence. She examined the constellation of freckles on his shoulders, scared to trace her finger through them in case he woke up. She turned around, lying face up to the ceiling.

Rafe Cameron confounded her. Even in sex, he’d flit from gentle to rough. From soft to callous. His fingers would grip her skin before dissolving into the most tender of touches. She’d feel his teeth clash against her own, before he slipped into a mellow pace, trailing his lips across hers like a feather. And now– wasn’t this a hookup? That’s the impression she got. So why was he being so….kind?

She was exhausted; Rafe really had tired her out. She fell into dreams soon after, the sumptuous bed sheets and silken pillows making it easy, the comforting presence of Rafe sleeping beside her making it even easier.

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･⋆.ೃ࿔*:･⋆.ೃ࿔*:･⋆.ೃ࿔*:･⋆.ೃ࿔*:･⋆.ೃ࿔*:･⋆.ೃ࿔*:･⋆.ೃ࿔*:･⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

[meraki-yao]

RWRB Thoughts: The Deadline Contender Panel

Quick list of very direct, subjective, random and spontaneous thoughts I had while listening/watching the panel:

I absolutely understand that Taylor probably doesn't remember every detail of the movie off the top of his head, especially with nerves, but Sweetheart really didn't describe the played DNC scene correctly😅

That being said Taylor calling Henry Alex's boyfriend made me SO FUCKING HAPPY???? I was squealing and kicking my legs because of all the feels. On top of that, intentional or not, Taylor takes a breath so it goes "wanted to bring his... boyfriend!" and there's this subtle emphasis on the word, I am screaming

I do question why this scene though? I don't know much about this whole process, but just an educated guess, if we're trying to get an emmy nom via this panel, shouldn't we be showing a scene that's more representative of the movie's core? Like, say the New Year's scene, or Kensington Palace, or the Lake scene. If we have to include the comedy aspect, then show the freaking Red Room. I love this scene of course, but if the purpose is to nominate ourselves and show ourselves then I feel like another scene should have been picked

Why can't people freaking pronounce Nick's surname correctly? It's phonic! Ga - Lit- Zine

"Orange Guy was still president" I snorted

I heard there's stupid discourse over this minor, harmless thing, but because people are stupid, here to clarify "especially Taylor since he's here" is CLEARLY A JOKE BETWEEN FRIENDS and if you didn't pick that up then that's kind of sad :P

I'm wondering if there's still recordings of the zoom auditions/chem read. I can also imagine zoom chem read being much harder. Honestly I think zoom auditions only work with monologues.

He did the chem read in his sister's apartment lmao

THEIR CHEM READ WAS KENXINGTON????!!! WHAT THE FUCK???!!! THE MOMENT THAT MADE MATTHEW GO "there's the one" WAS THIS FREAKING SCENE??? This also implies they had to say "I love you" upon the first time meeting each other oh my god I wanna see that so bad

Also I cannot freaking imagine this intense of a scene via zoom, God I really want to see it (don't think we'll ever get it but still)

Someone ask Matthew or Nick what the other scene in the chem read is

The notebook, pride and prejudice and 10 things i hate about you mention made me happy :D

The speech thing... Kinda feel like should be a Matthew question? It's cool to hear that Taylor referenced President Obama but this is still ultimately him being Alex? Plus Taylor's a great public speaker to begin with

Did he dabble in political science? Did he ever mention that? I know he did Spanish and Community but political science?

I think the only really bad gay movie in recent years was Bros and that has a myriad of issues internally and externally, but I think it's just this one?

Why is TikTok the metric? Might write something longer in the future when I have time but the thing is with this

Speaking of Taylor and queer roles, I think I saw somewhere that Noah Torres was bi?

I talked to @pippin-katz about this but dear God, I have heard the question "What is your favourite scene" being asked to the boys at least three times now, and they always answer the cake scene. Why don't they ever expand on the question, especially since Taylor affed the Kensington scene this time, and why don't they ever ask other questions or ask about specifics? Between me and my friends, we came up with at least 40 questions that could be asked to the boys and haven't been asked yet.

Nick how the fuck did cream stay in/ behind your ear for two days and Taylor how did you spot it

I'm honestly getting really tired of the sequel question, it's always phrased the same way, and of course, the answer is gonna be the same. Even if they knew, they contractually can't tell us, the first announcement of a sequel will have to come from a bigger source like Amazon themselves.

I understand being nervous but this interviewer felt too timid and unsure of herself

Overall still very enjoyable, always more than happy to hear Taylor speak about his baby that we all love, but the question are so freaking repetitive. I said it clearer in my discussion with Pippin so here's a screenshot of that part

[where-dreams-dwell]

I’m seeing a lot of discourse about Bridgeton Season 3 and the recasting of certain characters and people keep talking about it being unfair to the original actors, or that they shouldn’t have jumped to other projects (Francesca’s season 1 actor was cast as the lead in Lockwood and Co, which was then unfortunately cancelled…) and instead they should have stayed around to be avalible etc.. and I think we’re missing an obvious point:

People don’t want to watch the kids that grew up on their Tv have s*x.

Bridgerton by definition is a s*xual show, with explicit scenes and n*dity from its leads. When it gets around to the younger kids stories (if the show’s renewed enough) no one will be 100% comfortable watching s*x scenes when they remember that actor as a child.

Game of Thrones ran into this issue too. We all watched Maisie Williams grow up on screen, watched as her characters story grew and she had to handle tougher subject matter and scenes. No one wrote into complaint when we watched her pretend to kill a child at 14 (playing an 11 yr old Arya Stark), when she blinded and killed a p*edophile at as an actor of 18 (15 for Arya) or watched what was essentially torture p*rn of a blind 19 year old being beaten relentlessly every week for a month.

But when it came time to do an intimate scene… suddenly the audience felt awkward. Something about s*xual intimacy crossed some internal boundary for a large portion of the audience and suddenly the voyeuristic nature of being an audience in those scenes was driven home. It was okay being a viewer to explicit scenes if they were violent or gory, but explicit scenes of romance… nope that somehow feels indecent.

It was a tasteful scene, only partial n*dity, nothing full frontal, and the blocking and writing made it clear it was consensual and enjoyable. In every way possible this was a positive thing for Arya as a character and as both the character and actor were adults there was no concern about appropriate story lines.

And yet.

People wrote in. People switched off, fast forwarded, talked about it at work on Monday. Articles were written, and it became a discussion piece around the TV; even knowing all the above people still felt wrong watching an actor they first knew as a child and who they ‘watched grow up on screen’ perform a s*x scene.

So I think a big part of Bridgerton’s casting choices around the younger children is to head this off at the pass and to not invite the discussion. Why risk even a percentage of your audience not watching the intimate scenes that season (or god forbit not streaming the season at all!) when you can just recast and remove the problem? Why borrow trouble or controversy, especially when other plot points in future stories will likely do that all on their own?

This way we get to have a child character played by a child actor, who the audience can find cute and precocious, who they can feel parental and familial toward with complete peace of mind. And then when the season comes for that siblings love story, ‘oh would you look at that puberty made them look all grown up and completely different’! A new adult actor is playing the adult version and the audience can watch them enjoy their love affair with no guilt, unease, or annoyance.

So yes it’s probably sad for the actors who first played these characters or are playing them now to know that they won’t get to be the one to act out their characters ‘main character moment’ season. But they were hired on in that capacity, they knew what they signed up for, and at the end of the day no one is ‘entitled’ to anything in Showbusiness.

The whole show’s already a guilty pleasure, so let’s not tip the balance too far!

[frostyyyroyalmilktea]

Why Vesna’s “My sister’s crown” in no feminist anthem but a Trojan horse filled with pro-russian messaging

My thoughts as a Ukrainian with a poli-sci degree.

I was debating whether to write this post but as the discourse around this song grows, I want to give people from other countries some context on the messaging used in the song and why Ukrainians are grossed out by it.

While I was writing it this post grew a mind of its own and I even ended up adding pictures so I'll fold the post here in case you don't care and just want to scroll through quickly.

First of all, it’s worth mentioning that this song attracted so much attention from Ukrainians because they use UKRAINIAN LANGUAGE in the chorus. It’s an important detail seeing how one of the singers is russian. A lot of Ukrainians share the opinion that letting a russian woman sing in our language is a completely vile thing to do to our culture. I agree with it too. But the abuse of our culture doesn’t stop there.

See this shot? This is supposed to be Borsch, a traditional Ukrainian dish. It’s worth mentioning that russia tried to appropriate this dish and in 2022 we fought tooth and nail to have UNESCO protect it as part of Ukrainian heritage. But back to the shot. The letters around it are supposed to symbolize russian propaganda. Great start🙄

But it gets better, lads. They start “feeding the propaganda” to the girl that —judging by stylistic choices as well as matryoshka makeup—  is supposed to represent russian people.

Right, so they *checks notes* use Ukrainian cultural dish —that russians almost succeeded in stealing from us— to show… what exactly? “Poor russians🥺 uwu” getting brainwashed? Oh, then let me grab my handkerchief. This is so so sad I think I’m about to cry😶😶😶

I mean, just a thought but if they wanted to show how shitty russian government treats its people, they could’ve recreated the historically accurate moment when russian tzar Ivan the Terrible shoved his underling’s face into a boiling soup. What does Ukraine and our long-suffering dish has to do with all this bs???

Now let’s talk about that “Crown”, that is supposed to belong to the sister (aka Ukraine). To me, as a poli-sci major, this is so stupid I don’t even know whether to laugh or cry. From the words of the band themself, where they explain —quite poorly might I say— the meaning of their song, we learn that “Crown” symbolizes the sovereignty of the 13 Eastern-European countries. Sounds perfectly valid. Here's a few random countries that I can remember from the top of my head in no particular order that have crowns in their symbols:

Coat of arms of the Czech Republic, Coat of arms of Serbia, Flag of Poland and Flag of Croatia

I actually decided that I don't want to have russian flag and emblem in this post because I don't want to look at it every time I scroll through, but you can go google it if you want, they have not one but two crowns on their emblem actually.

So what am I leading up to with all this flag-talk, you might ask. Well, the kicker is that THIS ⬇️ is Ukrainian emblem:

Not a crown in sight as you can see. I guess as a nation that was constantly fighting against imperial colonisation we’re not very fond of those. Who could’ve guessed🤷‍♀️

But the aforementioned two points are pretty circumstantial and in the grand scheme of things are not particularly significant. I felt compelled to point them out first to give people from other countries a bit of insight into the music video's visual. You are free to disagree with me on those. The main problem that triggers the majority of Ukrainians is the use of the word "sister". Listen, I know you don’t want to read a lecture on the nuance of Slav politics and I don’t really want to write it, I know you know how to google. So here’s the gist:

One of the BIGGEST narratives that russia is pushing in its export propaganda (aside from their go-to claim that all ukrainians are nazis) is that Slavs are all a family. Talk about shitty relatives, eh? But basically, it’s a lingering thing from USSR where russia exploited a bunch of neighboring countries and called this shit a “Union” (while convincing the rest of the world that those countries entered that union willingly and not under threats —or as a result of— hostile invasions, but I digress). So the way russia frames it is that russia is this big brother that "takes care of other little siblings”. Even writing it down made me want to barf🤢🤢🤢. This narrative was specifically very actively weaponized against Ukraine before the 2022 invasion. Its goal is to infantilize Ukraine as if we're not a whole-ass independent country, but a little sibling that doesn't know how to wipe their own ass. And that we just need good ol’ russia to come and save us from our own stupidity. I hope I shed some light on why this word specifically triggers us so much and why I think that this song has 0 to do with solidarity and overall is complete populistic bs with a generous dash of russian propaganda.

I want to emphasize that I didn’t make this post to fight or argue with anyone  but to give people another perspective if you’re interested in it from my pov as a Ukrainian. If you have other takes on it, I’d love to read them in the comments. Just please be respectful or I won’t interact.

This is all I have to say for today. Love, love, peace, peace, my dudes.

[ivyial]

Okay, I just saw your other ask about leshley/eagleone and felt like I had to get in on this because ever since RE4Make came out, I've been going crazy over this ship. I have always found it cute in RE4 OG, but now it's driving me crazy. I cannot understand how many people miss the many implications that Leon is trying to flirt during certain parts of the game. Like seriously, come on, pals, he's being so awkward, trying to sound cool and give compliments that end up sounding weirder than he intended. And I don't know if it's just me that noticed this, but I find it funny how Leon talks to Ashley in certain moments like it's the easiest thing to do; then, in other parts, he really has no clue how to speak to her. Does that not scream attraction to anyone?

i'm with you on this one. i don't know how people miss EVERYTHING about them. like they don't even go "oh?" at times when they're playing. it probably depends on the mindset you have when you're playing. if you're hyperfocused on the action, maybe you'll miss it. idk. on social media, there are two broad types of people who have negative reactions when it comes to leon/ashley:

1. aeon shippers (mostly, can be other shippers as well, but they're mostly chill because they themselves get forced into a corner by aeon stans) who think it threatens their ship

2. people who are fiercely anti-romance when it comes to whatever media they consume and consider it to be dumb and actively making a good piece of media worse (because in their eyes, romance is a lowly preoccupation to have)

and both groups are super bitter for no reason lmaoooo. you might have noticed a tendency in media discourse recently on social media that is very anti-romance - a few weeks ago, it became a whole thing on twitter because of the bear (the tv show) and the ship between sydney and carmy, to the point where even official media outlets started talking about it. romance is considered dumb. everything that contains romance is essentially a bad soap opera. blah blah blah we're all too smart for that. there's a very strong, almost puritanical anti-sex sentiment going around at the moment as well, and i wish it was just some isolated issue within fandoms overpopulated by young teens, but people lost their minds over two sex scenes in oppenheimer for god's sake. and if i had the time and willpower and knowledge, i'd turn this into a discussion about how that ties into humans being obsessed with moving away from every single instinct that they have, but well.

i also agree with the second part of your ask, about leon's attitude towards ashley. tbh, leon can't flirt for shit: most of the time, he's awkward (RE2R, the fence scene with claire: i can never tell if he's attempting to flirt, or if he's just awkward because there's a cute girl right in front of him) or even downright unfunny (was he trying to flirt with jill in death island? was he trying to lighten the mood? idk man leon is a bit of a whore so). he tries to flirt all the time: we got shen may in infinite darkness, ada, etc. we know he isn't smooth.

so one thing that really sticks out in RE4R is his tone with ashley, in two specific instances (maybe more): the one i mentioned in my previous ask, when he says "i can catch you", and when he sees ashley asleep on the bed in chapter 13 (and calls out to her). these are two very intense and high-stress situations where he kind of reverts back to RE2R leon (nick does a great job at conveying the difference in maturity in leon's voice in both games). he's very distressed. why does that matter? because fucking shouting ashley's name when there are two enemies 10 meters away (we know that, he doesn't, but the island is riddled with ganados, so why would he even try?) is the stupidest decision a special agent could make. and yet he does it anyway. there are other instances of leon being in a similar situation, yet he still retains that deeper tone of his - see his first encounter with krauser in chapter 11.

and it's not just because he's doing his job, which is what one of my friends argued, because you don't go around flirting with the person you're tasked to rescue for shits and giggles. not to mention, that's the president's daughter. if he was just doing his job, he'd stick to the plan, be stoic and get her home and that's it. that's what's required of him. implying that the first daughter is hot as fuck and that he doesn't usually enjoy his regular missions nearly as much as he does when he's with her isn't part of his job description. there's a difference between being a decent guy and not treating her like cargo, and overtly flirting with her.

i think he's also very awkward with her at first because he's toeing the line between what's acceptable and what isn't, so he can figure out if there is grounds for flirting and it's not wholly unwanted on ashley's part. then you get that pep talk in the castle, which is when they really start to get comfortable with each other and when he attempts some physical contact that isn't just 100% necessary. she reacts well, which explains why he takes it further in chapter 9. he spends the rest of the game painfully distressed and by chapter 16, they're all over each other (jetski + taking her hand to run to the elevator - leon, the girl is smart, she knows how to run and follow you).

leon has a crush. plain and simple. he doesn't know how to deal with it, except for the few times when he does and the flirting is technically reciprocated. idk how people can't notice the plain signs of attraction, even in a generation that is as recluse and introverted as mine tends to be, but they're very obvious once you start paying attention.

[rriavian]

Shipper Tag Game

Tagged by @seiya-starsniper <3

What ship were you completely obsessed with as a teenager, but now you don't care about anymore?

I don’t think there are any actually! I’m pretty consistent and will usually circle back to a ship every couple of years 😊

Which ship would you consider your first one?

This is tough, I don’t think I actually remember. Though I think last time I answered this question I mentioned Lord of the Rings because of Aragorn/Arwen

Your first fanfic was about which couple?

My secret anon identity means I can’t answer this honestly – but the first one I’ve written without being anonymous is Corintheus

Do you remember the first couple you saw fan art of?

Long long time ago so not quite sure actually, might be a ship from Harry Potter

Have you ever gotten into ship discourse?

Nope! I try and stay away from it—though I never hide my opinions, I just don’t really engage too much in ship discourse. People are always going to have differing opinions over pairings, and I’ve seen it get very ugly in fandom spaces.

Did you use to have any NOTP or have one currently?

Oh I have a fair few, but usually they are ships I was previously neutral about. Some of them are also things I've previously shipped. My NOTPs are pretty much all results of a not so pleasant fandom experience, so I don’t really talk a lot about what they are. I’m a multishipper so the only time I actually have a NOTP is when a ship is overwhelmingly represented in a way that I just can’t get on board with.

Who were the last couple in the last fanfic you read?

Corintheus 😊 which is definitely what I’m most known for haha, so probably not a surprise

Currently, do you have any OTPs?

As I said…I am a multishipper, and I’ve never really had an OTP. It’s not a concept I really resonate with? Especially with fanfic because for me it’s all about the exploration of possibilities, and I can very much ship multiple things at once. I care more about interesting/well executed characterisation and well written relationship dynamics.

Is there any couple that, to this day, that you are extremely mad about not getting into?

Not really, because if I’m not into a ship in at least some way (or neutral/open to the possibility) then there is usually a very, very good reason.

Is there any ship you used to dislike but now you think they're kind of interesting?

Hmm. Maybe Desire/Unity? But it’s not that I ever really disliked them, more that there are some obvious consent issues within it that initially made me not really consider the ship too closely. The more I see others exploring it the more I’ve found them interesting 😊

Do you have any ship that, in the past, would have been considered normal but now you would be cancelled over?

I don’t think so actually! Though I’m probably forgetting something

What is your favourite crack ship?

Ooh I’ve read a lot of bizarre stuff. Hmm. It might have to be a certain ship that @writing-for-life introduced me to (if you know what I’m talking about it will need no further explanation haha)

What is the couple you read the most fanfics about?

I’m still anon in a lot of fandoms so I can’t actually answer this question too honestly. I haven’t actually been reading that much recently (very focused on writing at the moment)

What do most of your ships have in common?

Equality…in some fashion they are each other’s match. Which sounds like a strange thing to say for Corintheus but it doesn’t necessarily have to be in physical strength/power.

I also ship a fair few ‘enemies to lovers’ ships. Probably for the above reason! It’s the intimacy of it I think. Also the complexity, I like ships where the dynamic is compelling but not necessarily easy to pull off in a fic, because that usually means more thought is put into the execution of it. If that makes sense? And I am very much all about the execution when I read/write.

What do you absolutely hate in a ship?

Butchering characterisation just to play out a binary sex dynamic. Mostly this presents as overt feminisation of the one character who is designated to be ‘weaker’ for reasons both untrue and usually very offensive. Which sounds harsh but it’s something I utterly despise. Folded into this is also one character ‘fixing’ the other character, especially when this involves that character giving up something important/integral to who they are. I see it so much in published fiction as well and it’s just not for me at all.

I also really don’t like it when unhealthy behaviours are romanticised (usually to ‘fix’ one character) or miscommunication when it’s not something silly like accidentally buying your partner the wrong type of coffee because you were so tired you misheard a word.

[itsana004]

Astral for the character thingy? :3

First of all, thank you so much for the ask!!! 💖

I realised I don't have much Astral content/discourse on my blog, so here lays my truest thoughts on Astral

•How do I feel about this character

I really love his character! Whenever I rewatch Zexal, he just wakes up and choses violence that day and I love that.

I think I was intrigued by his character because he was introduced as this serious and intelligent looking naked alien, who roasts Yuma like shish kebab on a daily basis, especially when it comes to dueling, and we know that is going to be their dynamic for a while - but he's much more than that.

I think I really started to like Astral on the Esper Robin episode, he's not just Yuma's foreign alien friend/dueling aid who roasts him and that's it, he has his own interests like watching the Sparrow show (and adding humour to the series with his foreignness about earth), flying around and being curious about the human world, being afraid of cats, when he eats for the first time, teaching Hart how to eat with sticks (so cuteee), has his own Observation series, his banter with Yuma - this are just examples on what makes his character so precious to me.

Also another thing I was surprised by is despite being so cool and collected, he feels fear during duels like when he dueles against Kite? And it made me feel anxious for him when I was watching it?? Astral can feel emotions such as fear and I really appreciate this detail because I think the show writers raised the stakes too high that if Yuma loses then he's going to disappear, so they end up winning every single duel with Astral's magic formula, and therefore most of the time he's unbothered and almost invincible - so when he shows emotions outside of his stoic calmness, I love it. I don't know why I just love to see Astral lose his absolute sh8t

Also Astral's friendship with Yuma's friend group I find it so cute, despite being invisible they still felt his presence because that's how much of an influence Astral had, and when he was gone, they felt it through Yuma's grief (or Kotori told them whatever) and Flip created a crystal/glass gravestone showing how much Astral meant to all of them, the gesture it's just so sweet and emotional. I also loved his friendship with Kite, despite being minimal, he influenced in Kite's decision to not give up on dueling and that friends represent the future which is a lesson he learned from Yuma, which changes his whole trajectory.

Now let's talk about the plot... and boy it's filled with plot holes and... questions.

Astral has a... a very mysterious/confusing background. So he was born as a weapon by Eliphas to protect the Astral world, and one of Astral's character traits is to get split into cards just randomly... Number cards to be exact - whether it's his memories - giving him amnesia, whether it's his powers lost during his battle against Don 1000 - turning into Mythirian cards, parts of him just like to split into cards and I guess I find it funny? Heck he even has an evil twin as a Number card like-

Oh and also fan fact he turns Yuma into Super Saiyan when they jumbled up together.

But 50 of these Number cards possess people an amplify their desires, so Astral was the real villain in this show- no, it was Yuma's dad cause he sent him there by making him have amnesia and leading his son to go through life threatening situations and hell to collect them (I knew it all along)

ALSO, WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT DARK ASTRAL- HOLY SH8T THIS MOMENT FVCKED ME UP WHEN I WATCHED IT FOR THE FIRST TIME

Like- I didn't even feel like I was watching Zexal and kind of wish they made these moments of satanic Astral longer. But let's talk about the real satanic Astral, boy I love Dark Mist's and Astral's banter and how Astral just has to fist fight him to not be either absorbed or killed by his evil twin.

I think this is becoming too long now for a read so I am just gonna move on now.

• All the people I ship romantically with this character

I don't particularly ship him with anyone (except Dark Mist maybe) in the show because I'm not simply invested in any of his ships that much? I can see him and Yuma being together, afterall he did say "Aishiteru" (I hope I spelled it correctly) which is the deepest form of "I love you" at the end of the manga, but at the end of the day I'm just "They're cute, next-", and honestly I much prefer Dark Mist x Astral than the latter, it's simply how I feel.

I'd also like to mention a moot has her own ship with Astral and her OC (you know who you are) and I'm definitely more inclined towards that when it comes to shipping Astral with someone because fans are better at writing/drawing romance most of the time, especially because they are not ambiguous or queer baiters.

• My non-romantic OTP for this character

For this section this has to be Yuma and Astral as well. Just as I can see Yuma and Astral being together, I can also see them in platonic light, but there is no mistake that they are soulmates.

I think many years ago I said as to why I felt that way, Yuma and Astral's relationship really reminded me of Nobita and Doraemon and despite both of them going to the ends of the world, time, galaxies to be there for eachother, it wasn't romantic in Nobita and Doraemon's case and they had other romantic partners, because these tropes are so similar, our two zexal characters can also fall into the platonic category. Now if anyone reading this are mad at me for even considering this and seek representation from the zexal series of your fave ship, then good for you, I prefer either way, but I all can say is I really enjoyed Astral's and Yuma's dynamic throughout the show and how their bonds became stronger through dueling, and it's the growth and influence they had in each other that I liked, and I definitely became emotional and pulled my heartstrings whenever they lost themselves and tried to bring eachother back, and the last scene of them parting ways had me weeping.

Ps. Astral's roast to Yuma will be the most memorable.

• My unpopular opinion about this character

Oh boy, I can't really think of any right now? But I think despite being a protagonist I feel like he's overshadowed by other characters, especially Yuma, like we don't really see Astral as invidual character most of the time and it's always him and Yuma, so maybe he deserved some solo attention? (Okay so there is literally a Kotori centric ending song but not for Astral? What-)

Also he deserves clothes-

• One thing I wish would happen/had happened with his character in canon

Zexal III

Zexal III

ZEXAL III AHHHHH

Also can someone tell me how Yuma's dad met Astral and send him on earth but not himself and his wife-

[thewingedwolf]

okay i’ve watched a few seasons now, and i’m about to move into pre-new era seasons so-

that do or die twist is so unserious omg

i know big brother has gaslighting, spying, & manipulating too but these people just straight up going through each other’s bags is so funny, they all talk about lifelong friendships but they also don’t give a FUCK lmao

(none of these are in any order, just top 4)

faves in 41: shan, xander, erika, evvie

faves in 42: maryanne, romeo, lindsay, drea

faves in 43: i did not watch; i’ve seen the discourse around this season and i simply Don’t want to feel pain like this so i put it off for now

faves in 44: i did not watch; like purely because of the nonsense going on with carson aksjdjd i might genuinely go back to this one later

faves in 45: kaleb, kellie, jake. why did i only list 3 people? bc genuinely it’s a four way tie between dee katurah julie and emily, like this was an amazing season for women. also, the hottest season.

i think it says a lot about me that one of my favorites three seasons in a row was a zero vote finalist aksjdjd personally i think this means one of my faves this season is gonna be one too, i’m guessing venus or q

shan making dx hum her betrayal theme song on the challenge usa is so much funnier with context bc she LITERALLY hummed it out loud while thinking about how she’d have to betray one of her besties aksjsj the nerve of that woman is insane i love her

the way i got so excited for deshawn to make a comeback in that lil chicken & veggies alliance only for him to truth kamikaze his way through that tribal is just…..i actually had to walk away from my tv my secondhand embarrassment was so bad

i think it’s a lot different when you know who is going to win because i went in paying attention to erika and really vibing with her but i get the impression no one was expecting her to win the way that a lot of people thought maryanne would win over everyone else in f5.

that said, i think 41 was my favorite bc i love when people are smart but also canNot keep their mouths shut, these people were so gossipy and got soooo heated with each other, but i didn’t hate anyone, i was rooting for everyone, like i was riveted i had fun.

i literally keep replaying that “do i believe that? no i do not,” moment between naseer and heather on loop in my mind it was soooo funny aksjsjs

xander scruffy looking…….i would fold so fast i’m afraid 😔

that said, i had to walk away during some of his answers for the final tribal because he is just so sweet but he is SO unaware i was HURTING even with evvie and ricard clearing trying to lead him to an answer, it took like four false starts for him to name a good social read and everyone to nod and go “oh yeah that one makes sense”

drea’s comedic timing is unparalleled. i have never laughed that loud at a reality tv contestant, her voice is just so expressive. yes i’m talking about the potato line she is funnier than every comedian on netflix to me

that season had me screaming every episode it was really fun to watch and maryanne just like. sparkles. she’s enchanting.

i hope jonathan [redacted for legal reasons]

austin is so sexy to me because he really just laid down and died so his super hot girlfriend could win a million dollars, that’s the perfect man

actually i’d like to say it again. hottest cast. austin & dee was just pretty on pretty. jake is adorable. kellie. katurah. emily. kaleb. hottest cast by far.

i’ve been listening to know it alls & why blank lost just to get a feel for strategy and i’m excited to get through older seasons to see gameplay without so many twists because yeah there’s like a LOT of them esp in 41. it’s funny listening to them all bitch about this constantly tho. also interested in eventually watching a season without fire making - the next group i’m looking at are david v goliath, heroes v healers v hustlers, millennials v gen x, and gamechangers. might flip around a bit before i land on one tho.

[inchidentally]

tricky asks time! yeeeesh some of these are... yea I did my best and had to censor stuff. (part 1/2)

there's a reason I bundle these together under a cut so please skip if discourse etc is not your thing &lt;3

oh lordddd. so I think (hopefully) this conspiracy theory either died or ppl just decided to live in denial I really do not care either way. I can't comprehend being so far off base with Carlos and Lando's friendship as to think that Lando replying to his teammate with that clip is somehow heinous or askgfasgfsal "unlike him" it's so on brand for him.

Carlos moving to Monaco is pretty overdue tbh and yea, literally a chunk of the grid already live there. I'm sure he'll eventually hang out w Lando but why wouldn't he also hang out w all the other drivers lol. and if he - god I cannot believe ppl think this - is moving "for Lando" then why wait so long? but then you have to start asking why did he go to Ferrari and well. there's no reasoning w that shit.

side note that's very cute that Lando and Max live close together - rly supports the ask I got about how Max is the driver that Lando actually spends the most downtime with even during the offseason.

and yea, Rebecca has been with him when she's not been on modeling gigs and they both posted parallel stories from the Dolomites today. so if ppl are worried about Carlos not having support then his literal gf is there with him so he very much does. the idea that two hot people found each other on dating apps is I guess too simple!! but if they also believe that Ferrari hate Carlos then why divert resources from their already exhausted PR dept (this is Ferrari we're talking about lol) to the point of hiring, paying and arranging an entire relationship for him?? like you've got to fucking laugh this 1D 2012 stan shit off.

agflasgj wow that was a pretty quick flip from thinking Lando's sm is run by PR to now he personally runs his karting IG!

sorry but I haven't stopped laughing since anons informing me how Charles has had a karting brand for years and this is apparently pretty common for drivers to do. everyone kept acting like it was a carlando moment so I just went with it but apparently - shocker! - Carlos made a business decision not based on Lando.

I mean, I don't ?? Carlos has had the exact same dynamic with each of his teammates but what makes the relationship with Lando special is that they're big brother/little brother. Lando latches onto Carlos as a security blanket and Carlos likes having him around and actually is able to shut down his red mist anger in the car when it comes to Lando. apart from that they're mostly relying on the bromance format of friendship that you can see in most of the grid.

so while if Lando and Oscar had chosen to do the bromance/playing gay thing then sure I'd find it cute and ship it but like. the fact that Oscar is carrying around this sweet years-long sort of crush/fanboy thing about Lando and Lando has openly said that Oscar helps him be reminded to just be himself and be calm... like that is so sweet?? they're both so bashful about physically touching but they have this bond of being basically the same age and both being introverts.

sorry but I wouldn't replace that with a facsimile of someone else's friendship personally!

I do not. get it ! this absolute fantasy that Lando and Carlos would've survived let alone thrived being actual direct competition on the same team has got to be someone who doesn't look at anything F1 related ever outside ships. bc I'm literally a fake and even I know that there's no such thing as teammates competing for race wins and championships with zero friction. and like between Carlos and his family airing all that kind of thing on social media and news outlets and the fact that Lando cannot hide anything on his face, moments like this one would've been happening every other weekend. it's precisely because they weren't on the same team that they could get over that as fast as they did !! even ignoring that Carlos Sr has never once hinted at a return to McLaren, Carlos would never want to risk seeming like he's begging for his old spot back AND no way in fuck would Lando accept being the no 2 driver again.

we get plenty of carlando content still and Lando has said over and fucking over how he's been pushed by Oscar to perform at a level he's never seen in himself before. how are ppl mad about that just bc they don't get a few stupid carlando challenges every couple of weeks?

babe, Lando did have a gf and it didn't dampen carlando truthing at all. it just resulted in a breakup and Lando posting that Luisinha had gotten harassment and death threats. Rebecca is literally dating Carlos and there's a full blown conspiracy theory that she's been "bought and is paid for" by Ferrari to beard for Carlos. do not expect girlfriends to ever change that behavior and don't wish it on any woman.

I just. I'm sorry but how many years have to go by where Lando has a more intimate relationship with countless men and women than he's ever had with Carlos before they just accept that Carlos is one of Lando's F1 buddies but he's not one of his closest friends outside of it (Lando's words!!!) like just enjoy carlando for what it is and stop getting into hysterics bc they're still not fucking or dating or married aslfgjslagflsgalfg

for my own sanity I'm going to pray that twitter acc is joking bc the larry/kpop/yaoi/heteronormative fetishizing of homosexuality/the "girl one" must be hairless and look like a teenager and only bottom as if he were a cisgirl has SURELY been left in 2012. it has to be satire?? it's still extremely cringe satire but like. that cannot be real. either way, block and cleanse that tl anon. I'm not going to spend any more time on that in case they're serious bc that would be tragic.

and I've got to say one thing: I'm sure you didn't mean any harm by it but even suggesting that someone being called or assumed gay is an insult or overstepping is not it, babe. we're not here to coddle cishet ppls anxieties and prejudices or pretend that outrage about it is anything but homophobia. but I fully agree that no one should be talking about a celebrities' sexuality or sex life on highly public platforms esp platforms that the celebrity uses - and esp when it isn't censored and could show in their tags.

at least to anyone under 40 tumblr at least is a known no-go area and fandom-only. it's also extremely difficult for google to trawl (I've googled specifically for a post many times and couldn't find them) and you aren't allowed to scroll past a certain point (even on public accs) without being logged in. so there's no risk of 'stumbling' onto anything here even if it gets directly sent to them. unless the person is older in which case they prob have someone else fielding their sm. this is literally THE place to come and be stupid and silly about fandom.

I mean I do have to agree that there's always an element of 'for the image' when it comes to the Sainz family but honestly Lando is so disarmingly sweet and genuine - and they got to know him as a such a baby - that I have to think at least most of their affection for him is real! now if they knew the carlando content they like on instagram and twitter was intended by a lot of fans as gay then bye bye carlando lol. I'm not gonna wade any deeper into that but yea. we should be grateful they don't understand that aspect of the bromance thing.

but as for the DTS thing I have to think that anyone who sees a bromance being danced around so loudly and publicly and thinks that it's actually a secret gay ship complete with paid beards is twelve years old. it makes me too sad and scared to realize these are tax paying grown women driving these narratives alfhlsahff

IKR?? Oscar is out here with an actual form of real life fanboy crush on Lando but he's incredibly happy and content with Lily and doesn't even push himself into Lando's hobbies or life outside of F1 at all!

whereas Carlos says things like "it's weird that you all want me to kiss Lando" and literally cuffs and scolds Lando like a big brother but supposedly that's being "threatened" by a bashful quiet boy who is happily in a LTR and content to just stare at Lando from afar and be his teammate ????

meanwhile Lando is living his best life being petted and bedded and adored by a queue of lovers that stretches the entire globe and Carlos is continuing his years long habit of serially dating beautiful women and spending most of his time outside F1 training with his buddies. everyone's happy folks, let's just accept that!

honestly anon there's a heavy sprinkling of this that I disagree with and I think I've covered why with the other asks. and I do not engage in war of the rpfs bc none of these ships are "real". and as someone who ships carlando I do have to say that there's at least some decent amount of us who don't do the larrying shit. and that Netflix/DTS have as much a role to play in false narratives as "fangirls". they could easily decide to focus more realistically on the sport but they're choosing to appeal to fans with extreme biases.

but the part about the whole yaoi/heteronormative self-insert quality of how certain people ship carlando is pretty damn accurate. I immediately skip a fic if it's clear that Lando's just going to be this empty character reacting to Carlos the whole time. it's the same thing w people who want Lando to have stayed an insecure teenager w social anxiety who leaned on Carlos' personality and experience. that era was cute but Lando grew up and his career and his life are all his own making. he doesn't revolve shit around Carlos or any other person.

like it's fine if that's how ppl choose to ship something in fandom spaces where everyone else can just block it. but it absolutely should NOT carry over publicly and I should not be seeing as much of Lando's content on various accs and platforms flooded w irrelevant comments and gifs about Carlos as I do.

in a weird creepy way, a lot of Lando pages and fan accs have sort of turned him into how they view girlfriends ?? as if Lando can't be allowed to exist without it always being brought back to Carlos and carlando - and sometimes they'll randomly make an entire edit or carousel about carlando for literally no reason ??

ig that's why they get so angry when Lando blatantly has real life intimate friendships and relationships. hence the Martin hatred mentioned above.

anon you've got it in one. even down to how they've both dealt with the latest drama. they did that drive into Maranello together when we now know they were fully aware of what was coming. and then the BTS of their photoshoot for the 2024 race suits. and then Charles stating at the event the other day how he and Carlos have a special relationship and are friends outside racing as well.

it's got to be awkward as fuuuuuck but they're both choosing as always to put it aside and not let the relationship fall apart or into the distant coldness of Ocon and Gasly. they've been through periods similar to this before and always came back to that place of leaving all that drama at the door.

which is so funny bc if it was all just PR, then Carlos and Charles wouldn't bother! teams have never needed their partnerships to be friendly. they just need each driver to go out and get points. so for them to remain friends despite their families and fanbases being constantly at war, they absolutely are choosing to be!

wellll, I have to disagree bc Carlos being called Ferrari's best strategist by fans means that he clearly is able to ignore team orders and is allowed to not be "perfect". honestly I think Carlos' ballsiness and inability to play second to anyone has clearly never served him poorly w Ferrari ?? this is a team very immersed in traditional patriarchal culture and for all that they are the il Predestinato brand in this era, Sainz Sr said this last season that the car had Carlos' input and customization. so idk I feel like Carlos using aggression and decision would if anything be appreciated by Ferrari. (but I do think the hardballing by his dad with the Audi interest was a step too far for them - even though it sounds more and more like the decision to not renew Carlos was already on the table long before that)

whereas I think that very culture is why Charles is both subjected to and "upheld" by it. there's a difference between a brand like Ferrari deciding to hang your banners over the parapets and them actually having your best interests as a driver at heart. I can't find it now but there was a great post about Charles' frenetic and often erratic driving style getting in the way of his obvious skill and talent. idk I feel like if I was smarter I could draw up a commentary on Charles seeing his name and his face and his successes being spread across everything Ferrari and an almost impotence from fans assigning him such unrealistic idolatry and power - while also assuming an untouchable quality that ends up making him appear weak and in need of constant defending, even from his teammates and Ferrari itself.

it's fucked up, anon, we can agree on that. Seb and Carlos suffering the blunt end of Ferrari's cudgel doesn't necessarily mean that Charles is enjoying much if any power in being protected by it. I wish I could express that better salfsgjlaf

obv again I am a fake so I may be WAY off w all of that so that's why I'm burying this at the bottom - pls ignore it if I'm being dumb <3

[rosietrace]

Melodic Misconceptions 🎹 (2/?)

Track 02: Decisions

Synopsis: Victoria Shard was a former member of the popular idol group [ Poisoner ] from NRC corporations. After discourse with her group leader, Victoria decided it was best for her to leave and pursue her solo career in a record label run by her parents.

It had been half a year since her separation from her old group, and Victoria had never been more successful. But now she has a new problem. She must return to NRC corporations in order to mentor the seven idol groups.

Ellis Clawthorne is a member of [ (Co)-connect ] the most recent group under NRC'S belt. With no experience as an idol, Ellis must persevere in order to succeed and pursue her dreams.

Will both girls be able to adapt to their current situations?

✐ ✎_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_✐ ✎

Author's note: When your oc probably has more Grammys than Ariana Grande 💀 sorry for the possibly inaccurate representation of the Grammys, I don't really watch it- Also RIP because of the small text, if you guys prefer the normal size I can do that ^^

──ㅇ─────↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺───ㅇ────

"And now, the results for the best album award!..."

She sat in her chair, legs crossed, eyes filled with contempt. There was a small part of her that wanted her to win, even if she was only invited as a nominee.

The people around her also thought the same thing. Some wanted their first Grammy, others wanted another for their collection, and some were there knowing how low of a chance it was that they'd be chosen.

Victoria happened to be among the second. She's been given the chance to be invited to the Grammys, and almost every time she comes home with one or two to add to her collection.

But for this moment, Victoria felt she wasn't bringing a single one at all.

Her recent album, 'Silent Games, was a success. But the reviews were much more mixed(in my opinion) compared to her last album.

She had been nominated for best album and best vocals, but ended up being a member of [ (Co)-connect ] to win the vocals award.

Victoria bit her bottom lip anxiously. She knew the cameras were rolling and that it was likely that they'd film her reactions, so she made it her mission to make sure they didn't know what she was thinking at that moment.

"For this year, awarded for best album…. Victoria Shard!"

Her shoulders jumped for a moment but slouched in relief. She smiled for the cameras, standing up and walking over to the stage to receive her Grammy and give some sort of inspirational speech.

She shook hands with the host before they gave her the Grammy, and Victoria slowly walked over to the microphone hanging off of the stand.

"Oh, I am… Happy yet relieved. I was rather fearful of how I'd feel if I didn't win," Victoria chuckled after the crowd let out a good laugh.

"Turns out I don't need to worry about that. Maybe next year but not for this year." She said before raising her Grammy in the air victoriously. And the cameras didn't hesitate to take photos of both her and the Grammy.

Lowering her arm, Victoria giggled."Yeah. I'll be heading off early this year… Have a good night everyone!" The crowd cheered while she walked down the stage's stairs and her assistant quickly rushed to her side.

"You're leaving early?" Odette, Odile's younger sister, asked while holding a copy of Victoria's schedule.

Sighing, she nodded. Odette nodded and pressed the button on her earpiece, "Prepare the limo. She's going home early." Odette talked with the driver on the other line.

When she finished speaking, she sent Victoria a nod of confirmation before they walked out.

──ㅇ─────↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺───ㅇ────

Victoria laughed dryly, scrolling through the responses to her winning yet another Grammy.

Some of the comments were full of surprise. But others were almost unnecessarily rude, and one was going as far as to say they'd rather fuck Jeffrey Dahmer than see her win, much to Victoria's dismay.

Suddenly, Victoria's phone buzzed, but it wasn't a comment from her Twitter feed. No, it was a message from her father.

Naturally, Victoria clicked the notification and was taken to her conversation with her father.

After that, she silently groaned and quickly contacted Odette."Schedule a meeting with my parents." She requested.

Odette hummed confusingly."I'd be happy to, but is there a specific date in mind?" Victoria let out an audible 'ah'.

"Yes. Day after tomorrow, I'm still tired after the Grammys."

"I'll be sure to make the preparations."

After giving Odette a quick 'thank-you', Victoria ended the conversation from there.

Now all she had to worry about was what her parents wanted to talk about.

──ㅇ─────↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺───ㅇ────

Her heels clicked, eyes filled with curiosity and silent fear as she walked into the office of her parents' record label.

In an instant, her mother pulls her in for a hug."I'm so glad to see you, sweetie!" Vivian exclaimed as Victoria happily hugged her back.

"I'm glad to see you too, mother." Victoria replied with a tender smile, bordering on a grin.

Florian chuckled and stood up from his seat, quickly joining in on the short-lived hug between the family. After they all pulled away, Victoria tilted her head at her father.

"What is it that you wish to speak of?" She questioned, receiving a sense of dread as a response.

"Er…."

".... You won't be upset, right?"

Victoria's eyes turn narrow."Why would I?" Florian gulped, noticing the resemblance he and his daughter had before quickly brushing it off and gesturing to a nearby chair.

"I… Think it's best if you have a seat." Florian suggested, with Vivian hesitantly nodding in agreement. Confused, Victoria agreed to his suggestion and sat next to her parents.

Why do I feel like they did something that affects my career without my permission…. Victoria thought before quickly denying those thoughts. There's no way… Right?

Vivian inhaled, lightly bumping her husband's arm with her elbow, an indication that he should be the one to break whatever news they were meant to share.

"..... We signed an agreement with NRC corporations that'll make you a mentor for their idol groups."

And cue Victoria falling silent. Whatever composure she had? It all rapidly fell apart. She stood up, anger flaring in her eyes, and Vivian felt a sense of regret at seeing such a look in her daughter's face.

"No. Absolutely not." She immediately refused, crossing her arms and looking away. It made Florian interpret her reaction as if she were a child.

He exhaled."You don't exactly have a choice, dearest. The contract's already been signed." He clarified, which didn't make it any better since Victoria only got even more upset.

She growled beneath her breath."Annul it! There's no way in hell I'm returning to that place!" Victoria yelled, albeit not loudly.

Vivian waved her hands defensively."W-We thought that this would be a good experience for you! Maybe you could even rekindle relationships with your old group members?-" all Vivian got was a groan of exasperation.

"No way in hell! After what Vil said about my abilities, I'm not speaking to them!"

"Victoria! You need to understand that that was a long time ago and that you desperately need to move on. We understand if you don't want to rejoin, but please put some thought into this…" Florian trailed, causing Victoria to raise her eyebrow as she awaited the conclusion to his defense.

"... If you don't want to, we can annul the contract." Florian promised to his daughter. Vivian inhaled sharply and turned to her daughter, giving her a nod as a way to tell her that her father was being honest.

And so, for the next 25 minutes of standing in silence, Victoria was pondering if the idea was good.

Florian and Vivian anticipated her answer to be negative…. Until she finished pondering and locked eyes with them to give them the confirmation.

"So?" Vivian stepped a bit closer, a glimmer of hope that her daughter would agree to the concept.

Hesitant, Victoria inhaled.

".... Fine. I'll become a mentor to those divisions."

Starting with the one with the least experience. (Co)-connect.

──ㅇ─────↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺───ㅇ────

Bonus Teaser for second Track:

──ㅇ─────↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺───ㅇ────

Tagging: @starry-night-rose @nem0-nee @windbornearchon @authoruio @sakuramidnight15 @twsted-princess @twsthoodstar @fumikomiyasaki @phoenix-manga @cherryartemis0 @geminiiviolets

──ㅇ─────↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺───ㅇ────

[persephoneflouwers]

Hello, I hope you have a good day

Tw: smoking, cancer

So there's a discourse on twitter going about how louis's smoking habit is dangerous and how it can have very damaging side effects uk with having history of cancer in his family. It bugs me how as fans they can't maintain a boundary.. But i am an anxious mess thinking about it.. I've always been regarding this topic. But now it has exceeded.. How do you manage thoughts like this as a doctor? When you constantly come across cases related to smoking and with the whole situation with lou. Like do you have any tips.?

Feel free to not answer this. 😥

Hello 🌸

Oh, this is a very good question. I’m sorry you’re feeling so overwhelmed right now. I think when you know how diseases work, you see things differently. It’s a bit easier to discriminate the cases: how many cigarettes per day? How long have you been smocking? How old are you? Is this an hereditarian case or were there other preventable factors? We are trained to come to diagnosis. You have to know the clinical history, the clinical presentation, side effects or literally anything in order to come to a conclusion. It comes across arrogant to find a diagnosis based on one thing such as smocking. Smocking is bad, of course it is. What else is new? It’s not just about cancer either. Smoke is the risk factor in every other issues (voice, breathing, stamina etc). But I know how hard it can be to quit too.

Fans have to know their boundaries here. I think fandom anxiety comes from the uncertainty around this topic (does he takes blood tests periodically for example? Is he getting checked every once in a while? Does he have a family medicine doctor who is there for him? We don’t know). The fact is, we don’t know much except for what we see or we are told every once in a while. I think no one has ever had THE talk with Louis about it, but that’s very normal for a young healthy man. The thing with smocking is that has been always so socially accepted it makes it harder to see the struggles of your health because of it. I’ve seen surgeons smocking in front of my two eyes! And I was like “how dare you? You literally operate these things inside people’s bodies!” but you know how humans are. You feel invincible and by the time you realise you are not, the cardiologist has already prescribed anti-hypertension and beta-blockers drugs.

My suggestion is to not take this burden on you. It’s not your job, not your responsibility as a fan (or as a doctor, by the way). Also stay away from twitter if you can. It’s very easy to be overwhelmed by the discourse over there. When something good happens you are surrounded by so much excitement, but it happens with controversial things too. The fact is when we go online and read stuff from other blogs or accounts, we don’t always match the energy. That’s absolutely normal, because we are individuals living our real life in different ways and in different moments. When discourses like this start, we are left with so many questions and worries coming from all the sides and that’s what you want to avoid. Stay away from any thing can make you feel uncomfortable. It doesn’t matter how little it is. Filter tags, block, say you’re not interested. Do whatever it takes to preserve your experience of the fandom. Today, this discourse feels like an unnecessary concern. Try not to stress on this thinking how being their health counsellor is not your role.

Anyway, this is a reminder to not smoke ffs. Here’s a thread I wrote a couple of years ago for the No Tobacco Day WHO campaign on the Louies science account, in case you’d want to spread some knowledge about the bad effects of smocking. :)

[buttclench-ryugazaki]

gonna be hater so here are my half-inebriated thoughts about what i didn't like about the final stroke part dos

• boring. you can even stop reading right here because that's my overarching opinion

• i still don't fully understand or like the conflict between rin and haru and resolution was... confusing? and frustrating! the race and following conversation don't actually address the issue of haru feeling abandoned. he apologizes for saying hurtful things he didn't actually mean and rin apologizes for... not thinking of haru's feelings when making decisions about his own swimming career? (i don't want to turn this into what is basically an r/AmITheAsshole thread, because i hate how contemporary fandom discourse treats every fictional conflict like one, but like. haru's TA. rin did nothing wrong. they kind of acknowledge it but they don't follow through). i don't really know what i was supposed to take away from this ordeal

• if not outright retconning stuff, attempting to write around or re-contextualize stuff in a way that i find dishonest or disrespectful to viewers' intelligence. the big example being haru confronting his younger inner self, where it actually turns out he was actively repressing his desire to swim in a relay as an affect of his loneliness (?), instead of simply being apathetic as he was previously written. why rewrite the main character's backstory and motivations at the very last minute? we've been along for this ride for the past nine years, come on

• rin continuing with his "my relation to haru isn't that simple" explanation to ikuya, who as far as i remember simply described them as friends. or suggested that rin see haru in the infirmary because that's an inconsequential but kind thing to do? i do not fucking understand. i hated this stance in fs1 and i hate it now. they have a unique bond for sure but they're not not friends

• speaking of rin and haru's friendship, i was put off by the "red-blue super sentai destined partners" imagery, and then the shot of them holding hands as kids. i've always viewed rin and haru as two people who were undoubtedly important to each other but, in regards to certain parts of their individual lives, not particularly close. those shots felt like they mischaracterized their relationship to be a lot closer retroactively (but because of the nature of interpretation i am more willing to let this one go. also nobody can accuse me of having a bias against rinharu, by the way, i used to be huge on rinharu. but i have thoughts about what it looks like and it wasn't this)

• i got a little irritated with how many times a character would start talking about haru and how much they need to support haru, oh we haven't seen him in a while is he doing okay? my times are getting better don't you think BUT HARU- i don't think this is an inherently bad way to convey information to an audience but it happens too frequently in scenes that are already too short. so i never felt like i got to see the characters fully as i know and love them because they were too busy providing commentary

• kinjou barely had any impact as a character, as a villain, as an ally, etc. his big climactic heel-turn moment is him finally giving teamwork a try (at the expense of asahi's participation, press f to pay respects lmao), i guess. when he was introduced in df i was excited for him to be an honest to goodness asshole for once in free!'s history but his presence quickly fizzled out. he stopped being threatening right away and there wasn't nearly enough there to make me care about him

• what were these two movies about, anyway? what was the arc and what was the resolution? early promotional material, as well as a significant portion of part 1, made me believe it was about haru reexamining his relationship to competitive swimming and the possibility of going pro, but it just concludes with "haru continues to do the thing he set out to do a season ago." i admit i am one of those people who wasn't completely satisfied with the ending of eternal summer, where haru decides to start competing seriously after a season of fighting exactly that. it didn't feel like a solid resolution. so i was intrigued with the idea that haru could outright quit, or reorient his goals, something. but that didn't happen. and it didn't have to, really, but anything other than "and the story continues!!!" would have been better. nothing changed in the end. what was the point

[thelonesomequeen]

A lot of you have various opinions and comments on the cultural appropriation pictures and I’m going to post them below so others can see your point of view. I want to be clear that the comments below are not ours (mods) but are anons sent to our inbox.

———————————————-

✏️✏️✏️Anon 1

I saw this picture that some are complaining about. I don’t think it makes her racist. It makes her ignorant. People are just mad that she’s with Chris. Henry C GF was worse. Sometimes people don’t know better. And I saw this as a black woman. People need to chill. The word racist is so easily thrown out these days. Calm down people.

✏️✏️✏️Anon 2

I saw this picture that some are complaining about. I don’t think it makes her racist. It makes her ignorant. People are just mad that she’s with Chris. Henry C GF was worse. Sometimes people don’t know better. And I saw this as a black woman. People need to chill. The word racist is so easily thrown out these days. Calm down people.

✏️✏️✏️Anon 3

(I sent the same message to several Tumblrs) why are you all silent about the new pictures of miss racist girlfriend of CE?? because to talk about a « fake » yoga certificate or photo of paps on the beach there are people but for the photo and video of racism of miss nun and her band it is radio silence.why? Because that would be to admit that Crispy is racist too? hmm?

Asks like this make me think some people don’t actually care about cultural appropriation or racism and just want to a valid reason to cancel Alba for something other than dating Chris. Y’all clearly talked about it, but not in the correct way that just immediately calls her evil. God forbid a serious topic like this it’s approached with nuance and you don’t immediately just shun her from society for being problematic.

✏️✏️✏️Anon 4

I was checking about the photo discourse on Twitter and a lot of it is just people wanting to have a gotcha moment instead having an actual conversation. The same accounts posting about this were tweeting really nasty things like wanting Alba to d1e (I have screenshots). They were also really mad about your blog debunking the yoga thing.

✏️✏️✏️Anon 5

“ If Chris is dating someone that’s racist as everyone says wouldn’t that make him one too?” if that were true of people than Meghan Markle would be also considered racist for marrying Prince Harry (just a mere example at how just because 1 person is something doesn’t mean their partner is too). I don’t know if Alba is racist, could be just ignorant or not caring too much- she grew up in Portugal a fairly homogeneous country population wise, as opposed to the US.

✏️✏️✏️Anon 6

Obviously culture appropriation is not okay but my whole thing with finding old photos and tweets is that it says people can’t grow. A lot of people make stupid mistakes when they are younger and regret them. I know I’ve said some really dumb stuff that I absolutely do not agree with now because people change. If we’re gonna hold onto questionable things then even Chris has said done some awful stuff (Sandra/Selma quote, Botham Jean tweet, tone deaf middle eastern ASP doc) and never apologized publicly for it. But that doesn’t mean they don’t regret it and wish it didn’t happen. The intentions with bringing up old pictures isn’t purely about educating though in this scenario and it’s obvious.

✏️✏️✏️Anon 7

I’m not sure what pics are being talked about in regard to “culture appropriation”, but as a minority myself I find the general discussion a lot of times over the top: not every time someone dresses as a different culture, do their hair or adopts Buddhist teaching into their lives and son, is not always culture appropriation many times it is more accurate to say it is culture appreciation. People need to take a deep breath and learn the difference cause they alot of times end up looking ignorant

✏️✏️✏️Anon 8

But, we know about them now so hopefully this isn’t something she does regularly. 🧜🏻‍♀️ // Oh totally!! Even if those are just from the last few years that's a major red flag 🚩 🚩 especially with how big of a conversation it's been in recently. My mind immediately goes to Florence Pugh and how big that story was in 2020. We should care, and I do, but doubt many people outside of the CE fandom and maybe WN's will. I could see an article or two popping up about it, but not much more than that.

✏️✏️✏️Anon 8

You know we can criticize Jenny and Alba for being transphobic and racist respectively, but at the end of the day, Chris chose to be associated with them. And he isn't exactly perfectly either. He has said and done a lot of questionable things over the years. I just feel as though we're always too hard on the women while giving him a pass and babying him. I'm not referring specifically to you mods here, but the fandom in general. He made his choice, let him deal with it now. Nobody is villain or a victim in this equation.

[thepaddedamby]

It's Been nearly Seven years now.

Holy shit do we have a fuck ton of things to talk about here.

Where the hell did you go???

So, this has a short answer, and it has a long answer. The short version is that I just migrated away from the site. I pursued other goals I had, and I migrated away from Tumblr. Simple as that. Though this isn't exactly the full story.

After the rest and I of the Tumblr group had created the Red Light Room, we have to go on a hiatus due to lack of content and the growing discourse between myself and two other members of the group. This had lead to a post that was made about what would happen to the stream moving forward. We asked for requests of games and other topics we could use for future podcasts. Well, I'm sure you can probably guess how everything went. We got absolutely nothing. After a few months of waiting for something to appear, we had gotten nothing and decided to just leave it be. Dahlia, Midnight and Lusties Pleasures had all left Tumblr. I had left shorty after I never really looked back to this site in the slightest.

So, What happened after that?

Nothing much honestly, After I had left in 2017, I had a few big changes happen in my life. Some very good and some very bad. We'll get to all those in a moment. After I had left Tumblr, I had moved over to twitter for a short time before dropping out of any public eye for a long while. And while Amber's Padded Palace had vanished, the person in control of it did not.

In late 2018, I had started to date someone that would eventually propose to me just two years ago. Oddly enough, you all called it. Midnight and I had started dating. I was invited to move from my state and live with him, Lusties Tavern, and Lusties Pleasures. I of course had agreed and moved in with them. This was in early 2019. From there I had lived with them all for about two years. More on that in a moment.

What happened with The Red Light Group?

NOT GOOD THINGS! So, this one is a bit of a long one so I'll try and put what I mostly remember so bear with me. So everything had started about six months after I had moved in with the group. Any personality that Tavern and Pleasures had shown had melted away, leaving me dealing with almost completely different people. People who were inconsiderate, lazy, gaslighting, Manipulative and all together scum of people. This is the absolute hell I had to live through for about two years.

The issues had started with Pleasures. What I thought was a general cool dude had turned into a homophobic, self-absorbed, Toxic, "Man's man" (Very Toxic Masculinity.) Every little thing that had broken down in the house, it was automatically my fault. Internet goes out? My fault. T.V. Busted? My fault. Everything was placed on me. Everything had to be controlled by him, the location of the router, who the "bread winner" was, etc. We had butt heads a good amount of times over the two years, never in a good way. He had to right on every occasion, the end.

Then there was Dahlia. If your conversation was not on her, then there was a problem. Sad scene in a movie? Loudly announce that "I'm not going to cry." Tragedy in your life? Loudly announce "Well my brother died a few years back let's all talk about this instead." and proceed to cry crocodile tears. Suggest a small change in plans then? "Oh...Okay then...Thats fine" The loudly sigh and mope. Everything as stated earlier needed to be about her. If not? There was going to be a problem.

Problems had kept going through the house for the better part of two years. Though everything had changed in august 2021. Midnight and I had arrived home from a vacation to California to see my parents. Though when we had boarded the plane to go back to Texas, we had gotten a message in the shared roommate chat on discord. They had said that we were horrible people, and they were moving out. in this note they had also accused me of being an abusive Boyfriend to Midnight and Midnight had been a pathetic shell of a man. Of course, there was a lot of anger over this but somehow, Midnight and I moved on.

What happened after they left?

Midnight and I moved on. Plain and simple. over the next few days that they had moved out, they had proceeded to turn every mutual friend against us and gloat about it. Mentally it had started to hit us but as we had found out, we didn't need them. Life had already started to get better. We had moved from the shit hole we lived in, gotten better jobs and became engaged. What happened to them? As we have heard, everyone has started to turn on them. Though do we care? Not in the slightest. Karma is a bitch.

So what now? Why this post?

Well, this post was something I had needed to get off my chest for a while now. I wanted to come back to Tumblr for promotion stuff to hopefully post new Fic's I'm working on and hopefully post new journeys I'm starting. If this post swayed some former opinions, then that's awesome! I won't be focusing what I used to do on this blog, everything will be original content along with a few posts about my padded life in general. Plain and simple. With that, I'll be posting links to my other accounts to keep anyone interested up to date. I honestly hope you enjoy what's coming up and Stay Padded my Friends!

[hanzi83]

Just a Late Night/Early Morning Blog Off Vibes

I feel in the last week, I have tried to maintain keeping my sanity with so much shit going on in the world, or just how everyone seems to find their moments of “ignorance is bliss” routines, while slowly crawling over to the right leaning side because they know of what is to happen in the future, no one other than “conspiracy theorists” can put that out there, but the problem is most of the people doing “conspiracies” are now far right wing people, who can take advantage of the truths the corporate and establishment types will tell, and you better believe any “conspiracy” that gets proven true, who do you think takes all the credit? People who are not on the side, love to dumb down the villains, and the threat, while promoting what is being normalized, a bunch of laws being passed to eradicate a communities who are deemed “woke” in the most weaponized way, and you have nonstop sensationalist discourse about a viral moment that you will use to define everything by and then pretend because you post online or consume shit online that you are the ultimate free thinker and you don’t fall for agendas, only if they seem to be a little bit more liberal, while pretending the shit that others fight for is not some sophisticated right wing propaganda, which is not seen as bad because it is online mainly while there is this assumption that the the system is “left leaning”. I could just turn all this shit off and just go away and I fucking try but when the world is in a state of impending doom, and there is no one to talk about this shit then where else can I bitch about it, I am a red flag account, like there is more monitoring on me for personal vendetta shit, and yet those resources can’t be used to actually monitor when someone is gonna take a gun and shoot a bunch of people. Please don’t try to act like they don’t have us monitored at all fucking times, you think all that shit about the people in power spying on us is just them spying and not having anything else more nefarious going on, I have to constantly see more revelations of more corruption, these corporations being soulless and never any real solutions other than the discourse of which political sports entertainers were booked to do and then they become cartoonish in the discourse while they are normalizing their corruption in an era, where they can market themselves canceled, so they can justify crossing over to the other side and be where the evil will be protected, as I am writing this, I noticed that there is news of another shooting taking place in the campus, and I am not even phased at this point, the last 15 years, I have bee subjected to so much trauma porn that has seeped into my fucking mentally ill head, and nothing gets done, I am not supposed to think there is anything conspiratorial going on with the ones that get major promotion, not that typical cliched 2010’s conspiracy of “false flags to take away your guns” because then false flags get misconstrued since the Alex Jones shit where it is defined by “no one dying” bullshit, but since Alex has always been a right wing psyop who used to promote that more of these would be happening and promoted, then me being dumbed down and not trusting the MSM narratives, and seeing this shit play out, I am not allowed to think there is something more, but then earlier this week, Charlie Kirk from Turning Point USA, flat out saying that the cost of having guns is that people are going to die, and then proceeds to then make that shitty car argument that every “free thinker” used to make, and it would seem like the most revolutionary talking point whatsoever, like “OH SHIT, THE SHIT LIBS DON’T GOT AN ANSWER FOR THAT, HOLY SHIT, I AM SO FUCKING ORIGINAL” but if someone like that, Charlie Kirk, who has admitted on his platforms that they need to fund more shit at school boards etc, him saying that kind of shit about guns and lost lives, am I not allowed to say maybe they orchestrate these things to happen because everytime there is this big mass shooting promoted, that more people then buy guns because they think that day is coming. I have no issue with anyone having a gun for protection and if they are responsible gun owners, but there are some people who should not be near a gun, there are thought leaders who will promote just as much propaganda because they are tied to the NRA or whatever fucking place that has control over politicians. But what will happen after this Oklahoma shooting, it will be more politicians talking in circles, and they will be pro wrestling villains while other platforms, especially ones who brag about being better than MSM as their main personality trait, they will fall for this same okie doke, it is clear they want this world to implode, and as much as I detest and loathe the far right wing shit normalized, they at least have their people ready for some kind of civil war that they are training them into being activated for, I am sure the identity of the shooter will also be another discourse thing, whenever they want to blame a marginalized community, the right will buy it as face value, like in the 2010’s at least conspiracy theorists used to think that there was more to the suspects and their ties to law enforcement or the feds etc, and think they could’ve used a patsy etc, now they buy it all at face value, and if it is someone who is a white supremacist, it will still be presented in a limited way where the right wing will then point out other people who have a “left” leaning stance and the “LAME STREAM MEDIA ISN’T TELLING YOU ABOUT IT” even though they are on a corporately run platform spreading the message of whatever billionaire/think tank is funding your shitty viewpoint because the MSM has become utter shit. Most people don’t even watch MSM shit, most people do get their news off the internet, but for some fucking reason we are pretending the internet is just some obscure message board that you log into on your fucking 56K Modem, are we really so desperate to dumb down the aesthetic to seem like we are all normal and reacting genuinely and expect things to get better, when we don’t disclose the reality, the ugly fucking reality because it is scary then there will be no solutions, and all this bedlam is just filler until we really have shit hit the fucking fan. 

I couldn’t sleep and I decided I wanted to just let off some thoughts in blog form where my haters will be the only ones to read this and continue to take notes and try to figure out ways to paint me as some terrorist radical so they can continue to perpetuate I will do something crazy when people who are monitoring me will know it is not true but they can keep trying their best, sometimes they will leave me be for a while but that is because they want me to lower my guard and celebrate they won’t bother me, but once people have an obsession over their targets, that shit is for life unfortunately, so me writing blogs and expressing myself is not a good thing for people who blindly hate me, the only satisfaction they have is that no one is propping up my shit so it doesn’t have the biggest reach whatsoever, especially if I am out doing people who get paid to be thought leaders with at least presenting another angle, whether you disagree wit it or not. Thing is I wanted to write about the come down from my mentally ill feelings the last week since the wrestling world loves to rub my face in shit whenever Mania week is happening and notoriously it is just a reminder that I am not allowed access, and notoriously before my mentally ill tirades I try to get ahead of them because I have gone through the mentally ill cycles that I at least try my best to articulate it, I realize doing that also means I am putting myself in a vulnerable situation but that is so predictable for people to pounce on someone who is feeling low and needing to vent but it is expected and I feel mentally stronger than I did 10 years ago, albeit I do my my mentally ill moments that shine on certain days, but the come down is the worst because the adrenaline you feel in your head where it fuels your emotions from going through the accumulative trauma nonstop, like I described before, a nonstop playlist of diss tracks from the past play on loop, where then in my head I am creating my own playlist of disses from envisioning future scenarios where I might be tested, you feel every single emotion on loop and when you have no one to confide in about your trauma, because people want to pretend that it is not existent, because your trauma is useless and has no valuable until exploitative shit heads can profit off it and I get to pretend it was my story and I decided when I came out about it, even though I have been coming out with it for a lot of fucking years. Because no one gives a shit, it gets to me and it makes me shit on everyone and isolate myself even more. I will never fucking be able to get over this shit. I at least try to articulate this shit because I know other mentally ill people will read this and maybe they don’t know how to deal with their thoughts or whatever, thing is when you have those mental illness problems, and you are in a successful position, it is easier to hide behind a cult that will enable your mentally ill shit, and sometimes those people will have a more difficult time getting better, but my hope is other cogs who are facing it and don’t know how to express because it would seem too insane, and society will instantly shun you and make you feel like shit, me? I already accepted that most people are not gonna fuck with me, and maybe at first that hurt immensely but over time, I have become numb to it and choose to express my opinions, theories and my experience, what’s gonna happen? More people are not gonna talk to me or look in my direction? I am gonna be more blacklisted than I already am? And the people who judge me normally, they might have the better aesthetic and the cult to protect their image and enable their shitty behavior but they are more fucked up than I could ever be, even with my coping mechanism conspiracies of illuminati bodies, and celebs  faking death etc, I know those conspiracies are not the truest, but maybe I see what they show me on the screen and think “Maybe they are hiding the truth in plain sight” because if I had to face that everyone just drops dead and this is all a fucking big nothing, it gets even more depressing to me. You people who are elitist and judge me don’t even have the charisma to be the “celebs” you fucking claim yet you get online because you are paid by other sociopaths and surround yourself by sociopaths to call out other dumbed down people in the mainstream yet you all act as lame as those people so why would I even fucking root for anyone? This is why I get angered by the wrestling fandom, because a lot of them didn’t want real change, they just wanted a new promotion for their entertainment and all that calling out WWE in retrospect for their immoral and unethical behavior was just a way to act like a revolution was happening in the industry when there will be a repeat of fucked up shit that happened in the early 2000’s and late 90’s and people want to go back to being regressive with their ignorance now because you might get a gig with them or some shit. I am starting to get all over the fucking map but this is what happens when my thoughts scatter all over the place while I am to get shit off my chest and my thoughts move sporadically from thought to thought, it is time to time I freeze and it is like mentally I go deep into a scenario of the past and the future, and then I break free from it to then continue to write down, it is like if there was ever a strong indication that I am an AI being programmed but whatever, again like most blogs I don’t know what I intend to get out of publishing this shitty blog that I wrote because I couldn’t sleep, there is no telling where it will go, one minute I am doing a good job in pointing out the hypocrisy of the regressive shit heads and the next thought, I am doing into diatribes about illuminati cloning where everyone collectively has to roll their eyes and groan, maybe I should do more Sopranos references, not even the obscure ones, just the flat out beaten into the ground ones, like “I surely didn’t have the makings of a varsity athlete” “Alright but you gotta get over it”  I thought I would unironically just name cliched quotables but then half way through I was like “Alright I want to bail on this shitty bit” 

Basic thing is the world is imploding and we are not going into a good place. I know any day I will go back into my mentally ill rage but I feel less shitty at this moment, I never say “I am happy’ because once vultures see or hear that, they then get on me like a pack of hyenas, so at this moment with even more shitty news coming out at every single moment, every personality in the world of politics are becoming bigger caricatures that get focused on and we expect things to get done when we know on the surface, everything is designed to fall flat on its face and it will get worse, I already cried all the years of the past and what can happen, and maybe I am just ready for all of it to end that at this current moment I feel calmer than usual and maybe I needed to write this shit down while I am in this mood because in a few days I will be back to being super irrational and stuttering and stammering. Even when I write shit down, you can tell I am stuttering. Normally when I am in a calmer mood I don’t write down shit as much because I want to enjoy it to some degree so when I write it might come across a bit more boring because it is not me just throwing out insult after insult but I do like to try and challenge myself to try and come up with something. Kind of the downside of writing blogs and going off “vibes”, this is normally when you should check out and go read other informative and thoughtful blogs or think pieces, not some mentally ill fatso’s scattered thoughts where he doesn’t even know where the written is going to go but I am at the point where I feel being “informed” has done more harm than good in the sense of trusting other “smart” people, because they will change my view for a bit but when when I see that they have phoniness to them, it is like I make a mental statement and decide I don’t want to trust another soul again because eventually everyone has to bullshit you and sell you propaganda, and when I start voicing out my opinion on this shit, it bothers other people because they feel once they have the cult and some support that everyone needs to agree with them 100 percent and then use their past credibility to gaslight you, and if you see that people are going to more of a darker side, they then get mad at you for having a parasocial relationship and people being disappointed, but if they agreed 100 percent with what you say, that paraoscial weaponization goes out the window doesn’t it?  And now I feel like I can see where the world is going and it will get worse, but I at least feel a bit better than I am not getting 100 percent behind every single person who I would look to, to educate me because everyone has their own agenda and everyone has their selfish causes. Maybe I am calmer because the world gets better and maybe I won’t have to be on this planet anymore, who fucking knows. I have given up on the vindication arc that I throw out there, it is safe to say that I have pissed off so many people and go off on my own mental trail, that people don’t think I am worthy of being vindicated from the “imaginary” trauma I have “made up in my head” according to my detractors, I think sometimes the “good” people out there get off on me being miserable too, and it is why I stopped giving a shit about who pretend to stand for a good cause, you might represent for your mafia delegation in the system and present it like you give a shit about your entire community but will then partner up with the types that want to do harm to your communities, I used to want to believe and now I don’t really. Maybe later on, this will seep into my head and I will cry myself to sleep or whatever, but at this moment I am sitting here with my thoughts, see it was my punishment to get isolated and unable to make connections and they figured I would implode and just off myself but I didn’t and now I rather be alone with my thoughts, I am more peaceful, and I think about the bigger picture, I hang around with people, and people for some reason see me thinking independently as a threat, they constantly have to try to limit my thoughts and narratives because it might make them feel uncomfortable that I am thinking the possibilities are limitless and envision the grander view of what I perceive the world to be, I do pat myself on the back that when other thought leaders would sell themselves as truth tellers and I would believe it, that I catch myself and see through all their bullshit because I have gone through that, and it is because the entertainment that my dumbed down mind has consumed has shaped my mind for a hero complex of people making the save, those factions exist, which is more fucked up because they don’t intervene when they could, it is like “Is this person worth saving” yet they get to act like they are more pure because they say they are “anti war” when anyone can just say that shit, in the 2020’s, that shit is inflated and so many fucking phonies have just stated that while they shill for other neocon governments and they present an 80’s pro wrestling aesthetic of country vs country when the game is 100 times more advanced, at least from what my perception is, again I am an irrelevant mentally ill guy you all discredited and don’t care about, I don’t have any intention of doing violence, nor do I have guns or any weapons on me but yet a lot of people will think my level of thinking is dangerous enough. But again their satisfaction is that most people will not read this or know this exists, so right now it is fine, but it angers people that I am able to be skeptical. They don’t like that I can admit I am a bit conspiratorial but I am not the conspiratorial that they want to put in that box of a right winger. I could have sold out and market myself to someone who got victimized but then go along with right wing talking points to get support. It is funny though, many people of the “good side” are watching me and think I am not valuable enough to intervene for right, which is fine, but what is your hope, you want people to be so fucked up that they have no choice but to join the right wing side for a little help, is this a sick game that I have to go through the right amount of mental anguish to bow down to your side, which is why I question any side is truly good. 

Anyways I might as well close this one out. I kind of had a blast writing it. It is probably the only thing enjoyable in my life at this moment, because the entertainment I have entrenched myself into has not been good for me, and it doesn’t help that the world of politics which is supposed to determine how things go on the surface have been reduced to nonstop sports entertainment to the world’s detriment and people are getting worse the more they try to socially climb up in  that system. I don’t know if there is any good in the system, but it feels people are getting worse and it is becoming more of a parody of itself, I just look back at how all of this has manifested and how this shit has trained our thoughts whether we want to admit this shit or not, for some reason we are so beholden to entertainment that we don’t even want to admit we take it seriously when literally it is a useful tool because it is a way to manufacture consent, but there are people leaning right who will claim others are manufacturing consent  like they are not working on this new angle in how to manufacture consent just by the image of saying you are anti war while licking the asshole of Tucker Carlson which causes him to break out in his hyena level squealing laugh that he does. You know the one where he sounds like Dennis Reynolds from it's always Sunny. It just makes me go back to where this started with me and all the thoughts I had about this world from the time I was young and how I was afraid to think for myself because it was too difficult and I always figured if I need to know about something my brain will automatically just know it, it is like I lived  a past life where that technology was available for a machine to think for you, because my head would automatically think that in this lifetime whenever I did not understand anything, but now going back to times in my past, I can articulate the feelings I had in the past when I never knew how to articulate anything because I never used to read and when I did, my concentration would be focused more on how to pronounce the words rather than comprehending what I was reading, plus I always figured reading was just around because there was no other entertainment back then, like now you got radio and television, why would I need to read now? I don’t fucking know, I just needed to vent and I don’t know how many podcasts or blogs I have left before this world implodes, I figure my days are numbered anyways, I have dealt with so much mental shit in my head, that when I am thinking irrationally I want to talk as much shit as possible in hopes I will be ended, because sometimes I feel I am justified in being as hateful toward people who have acted unethical, and doing it behind the scenes, and because that doesn’t seem to be the shit people can recognize as being fucked up, people will then think rambling and losing my mind on the surface is the worst offense, because we pretend we care about mental illness, and never want to really do the analysis of what drives people insane, when the people who have control of this planet are mentally ill, and they are the ones who dictates what is normalized etc, how do we fucking ever get better, sure we can bring awareness to mental illness but people in power will fuck with people who have the issues, they will roll back funding and ensure that people get worse, how do you survive this? What is there to look forward to on this planet when it just seems we are all getting worse as a society. I want shit to get better, I hope we can overcome shit but I don’t think we can, when there is more incentive to be regressive and become more comfortable with more sophisticated fascist ideas that don’t even seem fascist at all because they have manufactured consent with sensationalist shit and people can’t even admit what they are doing, they have been enabled to think their way of thinking is 100 percent genuine and they need a cult to tell them what they want to hear so they can feel uplifted even though it is always some sociopathic and deranged behavior, anyways we are fucked, I tink mostly me though in the end, Thanks for reading, except for the people who are just stalking and hating on it but you insist o reading what I write, you can go to hell, you, yeah you.

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Wed 3 Apr

Time for a little catch up on tabloid shenanigans- first of all, I'm sure you remember a few days ago when Liam posted that publicity photo of Cheryl to his Instagram? Well it's getting loads of coverage, article after article, but hmm, in the days just before that Cheryl was already getting a lot of press- for possible tax evasion! Incheresting. That's been forgotten now in favor of relationship talk, but I'm sure that is just a convenient coincidence, OF COURSE.

And Zayn has also been getting a lot of press for a man we've not seen in so long. First, yesterday, seemingly randomly timed articles about how Zayn and Gigi are definitely never ever ever getting back together because of his "issues", then today an item about Gigi being spotted with her old friend Samuel Krost presented as a scandalous tidbit, and a series of cryptic tweets from Zayn. He writes, "how about you all go fuck yourselves with your irrelevant bullshit" which is a BIG MOOD no question but he probably had something more specific in mind, and then he posted a couple of poetic lines that have been speculated to be possible lyrics but also have people concerned cause they're sad and cause concern has been the main mood of the zquad (zgwad) for some time now. He also changed his twitter profile pic.

Two Of Us fan promo continues to go strong, with radio stations tweeting about the song and polls being won, and the song entered the US charts! It's in the last place but like Niall in your ear, it is in there. Louis liked a tweet today about how impressive that is given that it wasn't promoted in the states, his first public move since Fizzy's passing, and TOU cowriter Andrew Jackson chimes in to thank "all you brilliant louies for all your incredible efforts." MTV has a chat with Louis listed on their schedule to air Apr 6- it seems to be prerecorded so it may go ahead? Maybe the video release will come along with it? We'll see.

Anyway that's it for good Louis news, get ready to be mad about the rest- after Fizzy's funeral yesterday he was with his sisters and some girl asked him for a picture to which he obviously told her to fuck off, which should have been the end of it, but no. She made a twitter so she could tag him and rant about how he was partying with a hummer full of girls and couldn't even take time for a fan. Aside from the fact that that was not remotely the case, and assuming any of this actually happened, so what if it was?? He would still have the right to say no! People need to get the fuck over the idea that we own anyone's body or time or that they owe us shit. Anyway this is distressing in the extreme and as always I wish I could give Louis a (consensual) hug and certain other people a smack in the nose.

And in even more unfun news, a continuation of yesterday's fic theme; a popular writer known for her A/B/O twincest RPF fic joined a crowd making accusations of immorality: a number of people were accused of being pedophiles for writing fic or having discussions that included sex between minors, and a writer who had already left the fandom was bullied off her account entirely. RPF fic fandom is a big ol grey area all around but using peoples' likenesses to process your own issues is the name of the game, I'd say it's probably best not to mistake your squicks for moral certainty. If you wanna know where I think the ethical high ground is in this scenario, I'll tell you where it definitely isn't- not one person who is sending hate is occupying it and that's a fact. Is this kind of nonsense happening in that Israeli prison now in their fic discussions? Cruel and unusual, at least we can log off and block people.

Meanwhile, Niall, who was papped in his $93k sports car today, retweeted a link for someone's medical gofundme. Pap photos also featured him wearing some clingy workout gear, and flaunting his sexy gams (or his chicken legs, depending on your perspective).