#nth important... just personal fandom-related musings

[pekorosu]

it's already been 2 years since i got back into banana fish. wow. this is probably the longest i've ever stuck with a series that is not ongoing.

i think it's helped that i've generally stayed away from fandom to keep from burning out too quickly. what usually happened in the past was that i would get into a series, make a sideblog for it, get SUPER INTO FANDOM like tracking the tag, reblogging and liking lots of stuff and engaging with every little thing, and then exhaust myself within a few months or so. and then i would move on.

i didn't want that to happen with BF, so i made a point of NOT making a sideblog, and after the anime ended i pretty much cut myself off from fandom (besides occasionally engaging with a few ppl who were super nice to reach out to me, bless their hearts). i just didn't want the fire to burn out before it was time, bc i had (and still have) so many things i wanna draw... and this author's fics that i wanna translate... 

i know i don't have to make it sound so permanent, like, why don't i just take a break and come back later, right? but the thing is, i’m not sure if i actually can?  that was what happened with ace attorney... i still have folders full of WIPs for that one, and something inside me just says i'll never be able to go back to them again even when i want to. for some reason, the moment i left, that phase just became permanently over. (i still wanna play DGS someday tho. someday.....)

but it's so weird, isn't it? i should be looking forward to moving on, shouldn't i? having new interests, having new things to fall in love with... those are good things. but i don't know. i feel like i'm not ready to let go yet.

hate to compare it to this but it feels like having a smelly blanket and not knowing when someone is going to snatch it away from you now that you’re too old for it. it sucks to have no control over this, to have your brain stuck in one gear and the moment you switch it’s just... gone forever.