obsessive/compulsive culture is overthinking, then realizing you’re overthinking and overthinking your overthinking, then realizing you’re overthinking your overthinking and overthinking your overthinking of overthinking, and then-
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fuck OCD.
fuck obsessions. fuck compulsions. fuck intrusive thoughts. fuck uncertainty. fuck constant shame. fuck constant guilt. fuck constant anticipation. fuck the sense of impending doom. fuck ruminating. fuck reassurance seeking. fuck checking. fuck the exhaustion. fuck mental torment. fuck being stuck on everything. fuck not being able to let things go. fuck stigma. fuck fear. fuck isolation. fuck desperation. fuck misery. fuck feeling like the most vile creature on this planet. fuck not being able to control your mind. fuck the temptation of humoring the obsession. fuck "what ifs". fuck the belittling. fuck the countless days and nights spent trying to figure something out for sure. fuck mental reviewing. fuck mental anguish. fuck not being able to ever fully let your guard down.
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So, you're told that in order to defeat OCD you must ignore all your intrusive thoughts and be unbothered. You must let them pass and not let them bother you.
Now, what do you do if you know that if you ignore them and don't let them bother you that you will think you're a bad person, because bad people don't mind disgusting thoughts.
What am I supposed to do? Either way I think I'm a bad person and it's a no escape situation. I'm stuck in a hole and I cannot dig myself out of it. No matter which way I try to dig I'm still stuck. Any way I go my OCD is still in control.
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ocd stop making me feel guilty over things i cannot control or change challenge (impossible)
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Drarry Fic Rec: Part Ten
Arguably the pinnacle of vulnerable angst: Draco and Harry colliding, in sixth year. This is a Set of stories taking place during school, with the boys on opposite sites of a brewing war.
Love Spells by FeelsForBreakfast
1,763 words, E
It doesn’t start with a kiss. Or a punch. Neither of those. It begins with a look, lingered, held.
Obsessive (Compulsive) by @xylodemon
6,643 words, M
Harry dreams in red and white.
On open wounds by asofthaven
16,592 words, M
In which Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy end a war. No, not that one.
_
Denude by Faith Wood
4,172 words, E
What if the Sectumsempra scene had a greater impact on Harry and Draco?
Hurt for the Right Reasons by @lqtraintracks
4,571 words, E
Everything was so cocked up. He just wanted this one thing. He wanted to hurt for the right reasons for once.
'Love Spells', 'Obsessive (Compulsive)' and 'On open wounds' all include a not-quite-love affair between Harry and Draco during the events of the sixth book, with all the mistrust and antagonism such a relationship encapsulates. 'Denude' and 'Hurt for The Right Reasons' are deliciously intimate, hard and smutty one-shots, that are enriched by the canon dilemma.
'Love Spells‘ is just pure poetry. Every sentence is a punch to the gut, which you’ll take with gratitude. The phrase "love is a closed fist" still haunts me. 'Obsessive (Compulsive)’ is also beautiful, but cruel and perfectly encapsulates Harry’s fixation on Draco. His struggle between righteousness and surrender to carnal desire is visceral here. ’On open wounds‘ deals with their mutual inability to leave it (the other) alone. They just keep clawing at each other until it becomes a caress.
'Denude’ has some wonderful bargaining with intimacy. I love how Harry basically considers "having" Draco a struggle between himself and Voldemort, even though their hold on him couldn’t be more different. With 'Hurt for the Right Reasons‘ this Set also includes a story from Draco’s POV. It has lovely abandon, taunts and rough sex, but it leaves you with a hopeful feeling.
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I fucking HATE google sometimes. I have really bad OCD (and some other possible problems) and when I look up what I should do, it says "iF iT gEtS tOo SeVeRe Go tO ThErApY." BITCH I CANT JUST GO TO THERAPY. It's not that easy for me so wtf
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Having OCD is like
Me: wow I’m so excited to eat this brand new sealed packet of highly processed shelf stable food with an expiration date in 2087! There is literally no way this has gone bad!
My OCD: MAGGOTS THATS FULL OF MAGGOTS THERES MAGGOTS!!! MOLDY MOLDY FOOD!!! YOULL DIE IF YOU EAT THAT!!
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Me: Wow! Im having so much fun!—
🧠: *INTRUSIVE THOUGHT THAT INVOLVES HARMING SOMEONE I LOVE*
Me: WHAT THE FUCK? *spends the rest hitting my head as punishment*
Me: okay… I feel better… I’m gonna go do *insert chore* now.
🧠: *INTRUSIVE DAYDREAM YOU CANT BREAK OUT OF NO MATTER WHAT YOU TRY. THIS TIME INVOLVING HARMING YOURSELF*
Me: OH MY FUCKING GOD.. that’s it— *Accidentally trips on something*
🧠: *TRIGGERS MY GERMAPHOBIA AND NOW I HAVE BECOME DELUSIONAL AGAIN AND BELIEVE THAT THIS IS PUNISHMENT FROM GOD?*
Me: *Sobbing and having a panic attack in the shower* what did I dooooo…. What did I do wrong god…? why does everyone hate me….
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common misconceptions about obsessive compulsive disorders
One side of the spectrum
”You have an obsessive compulsive disorder? You must have really disgusting thoughts! It’s ok! I know it doesn’t define you as a person :)”
The other side of the spectrum
“You have an obsessive compulsive disorder? So what, you need to turn in perfect schoolwork and have your room clean?”
DAWG, I have an obsessive compulsive disorder based on a body focused repetitive behavior (hair pulling). I don’t have OCD.
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self dx ocd culture is agreeing with yourself to never never never mention to anyone else especially a doctor that you have debilitating intrusive thoughts that you ruminate on for hours because they could be very easily misunderstood and lead to consequences that would Not be worth it
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