#of everything else i literally don't know what i'll do i'll probably end up losing my license

[yuribalisms]

promise this is my last time bitching about all of this ignore it but

[just-null-cult]

YO, SUPER LATE SUPER LONG SUPER MESSY OCTOBER POST THAT I JUST SHOVED EVERYTHING INTO BC I DIDN'T WANT TO DO MULTIPLE. FUCK IT.

I forgot halfway that these were supposed to be costumes and not mini aus... SO REMEMBER IN MY PLACE, EVERYTHING IS HYPOTHETICAL. also. some have a bit of yandere elements to them bc its SO FITTING FOR NORITOSHI.

Happy late October, everyone. it's winter now. Let's get it, baby.

[Long rambles and doodles under the cut!]

Vampire!

I kept asking myself, "How sexy is too sexy.." and "How the fuck does a sexy vampire even look like without it being a shirtless guy w fangs or Edward Cullen....." I think I figured it out

Sure, sure, vampires are superhumans with sun allergies that can drink blood really hotly. They can also easily overpower you to feast and blah blah blah, but what if said vampire (Noritoshi) was too weak to do any of that? Not literally, but he craves your say. He wants not only your blood but your affection. He wants to get praised as he drinks you in. Are you comfortable? How much will you allow him to take? Do you want to get him back in return? Guidance with this makes him feel more at ease. It's still Noritoshi at the end of the day. He's going to find a way to be a little awkward about you because of his crush. He refuses to drink from anyone other than you, even if it causes his death. Therefore, he has to keep you healthy! For the rest of your lives..! Besides, he can't really go outside or else he'd.. y'know. So if you think about it, this is a very beneficial relationship for both of you!!

The only downside is that you're losing blood on the regular, and for some reason, more people are moving away... Probably nothing, right? Noritoshi is always there to keep you company and help you recover anyways.

Witch!

my attempts also bled into the witch design.... you got greedy with requesting two in one ask, but I'll spoil you this time bc I also wanted to see Noritoshi as a (sexy) vampire and witch. heh. AND I DIDNT REALIZE HED BE SO CUTE AS A WITCH..... WHAT THE FUCK?? rip momo, fight for your title of cute witch...

Noritoshi strikes me as one of those witches who'd rather be left to their own devices because they're running some important magic whatever in the background. though, he'll take some breaks and indulge you if you insist on having him around. Insist meaning you pass by and strike conversation, leaving him to neglect anything and everything to prioritize his time with you. He doesn't want to use magic on you unless it's beneficial for either you or both. Noritoshi likes a natural progression with you that he knows for a fact is true and not some product of some spell. Though it doesn't mean he wouldn't use charms and such to get you to interact with him more often to speed up the process!

Can't sleep? He has a remedy perfect for that! Bad luck? Oh no, take a charm. Nerves? A potion he perfected will help you ease your jitters. Annoying peers? With a snap of Noritoshi's fingers, they're gone! Just don't ask what happened. Enjoy yourself instead and come to him with any new issue. He's quick to resolve it.

Definitely has some sort of doll that looks suspiciously like you.. Noritoshi would probably talk to it and practice one liners that give you the strongest sense of nostalgia once he uses them. He's simultaneously giddy that the charm he put in the doll works but also a little annoyed that his hard work isn't surprising you, but leaving you with deja vu.

Idol!

i was crying the entire time bc what does an idol look like.... noritoshi is handsome enough to be an idol without actually being an idol... now i can confirm that idols are very well dressed though. thumbs up 100% but i had some thoughts...

[Idol]

Noritoshi would be the type to cherish his fans, but hold clear favoritism over you. he'd be those idols that look cold, but they talk, and they sound smug in a charming way. i don't know much about idols, but i know he'd be so fucking good.... he'd be the type of guy to sing to you amongst the hundreds in the crowd.... ahhh the interviews w these famous aus. they're just talking and acting like themselves. can you imagine Noritoshi getting asked the question if he has a lover or not? he can lie, im sure you're alright with that, but he doesn't want to!! he does have someone!!! someone he loves more than all his fans love for him combined!!! he just can't say it for the sake of your privacy and his career. so Noritoshi does what any charming guy who's good with their words does. he deflects the question. answering the question, but not really, that'd be something he's known for. fans online are split on why Noritoshi does this. some think he's trying to keep that side of his life private, others think he's trying to mess around, and others think he's hiding a secret lover!!! though the last one is usually seen as the outlandish one, sometimes it makes Noritoshi's heart drop bc they get some things right. "Having a lover is a complicated question hidden behind a simple disguise. If I had to answer, I'd say my lovers are my audience. they make sure i'm well cared for, some more than others." AND HIS FUCKING LITTLE SMIRK I CANT COUGHS UP BLOOD. IM A THEORIST TOO. SECRET LOVER. 🫵🫵🫵🫵🫵

ON THE FLIP SIDE....

[Not an Idol]

An amusing thought where Noritoshi goes out in his casual clothes, and he's mistaken for an idol. No one knows who he is, but he just looks like he'd be one. bro's just trying to buy groceries, and now he has a fan group asking him to take pictures with them.. He'd tell them that he's just a guy, not an idol, but the group would still want a picture with him. it'd be a waste to pass by someone who's so naturally gorgeous, so with a sigh of defeat, he relents. It's just a photo, right? No harm done. Noritoshi'd go home and feel overwhelmed/embarrassed by the whole ordeal. later, he gets a call from someone in the kyoto group or you to inform him how he's all over social media, known as that handsome guy in the supermarket. HED BE COMPLETELY UNREACHABLE TO MEDIA OUTLETS BC NORITOSHI IS THAT GUY WHO DOESNT HAVE SOCIAL MEDIA.... he'd have to make one to make sure no one pretends to be him online. "Hello, I don't use social media, but I've been informed I've been getting attention online. To prevent anyone from being fooled by an impersonator, this is my official and only account. thank you." P.R. STATEMENT WRITING ASS.. his single post gets flooded with likes, comments, and DMs. it almost blows up his phone..... he was just buying bread, dude...... people try to dig up and find him through the other Kyoto group's social media.

[bonus] my second in command requested to put him in a fem idol outfit bc he thought it was funny. after frothing at the mouth and coughing out blood, I complied.

Doctor!

THIS IS SUCH A STRAIGHT FORWARD ASK BUT IT HAS SO MANY IMPLICATIONS. MY BELOVED CULT MEMBER.. THOSE EMOJIS GIVE ME A DIFFERENT IMPRESSION BUT IM NOT SURE.

Noritoshi as a doctor...... apple sales would plummet. his little clinic's business would skyrocket. sick cases would peak in his area. getting your heart checked by his stethoscope would be so fucking embarrassing bc all he'd hear is THUMPTHUMPTHUMPTHUMP

LIKE IMAGINE IF THAT WAS YOUR DOCTOR? BRO.

COUGH COUGH HACK WHEEZE COUGH COUGH.

Noritoshi would probably own a small clinic that he wants to expand. That or he opened one after working for a hospital for a while. He's a great doctor who's most likely respected but a pain in the ass to work with. Among patients, he's gotten the hot doctor reputation. Most want to be treated by him, but he's so professional, any chance of trying to flirt goes down the drain. Yeah, he puts his hair up to avoid it in his face even though his eyes are closed classic lab safety procedures. He seems like the type to have a soothing but authoritative voice during examination, so he gets his message across. it's a bit difficult when dealing with patients for Noritoshi. If he sees them too often, he firstly scolds you for not taking care of yourself, then feels guilty for not giving you the proper care. Keep yourself safe and healthy, or else Noritoshi will clearly :( Putting him in a yandere setting would be dangerous. He'd have a lot of control over you, considering he can prescribe medication, shots, visits, and other things.... he'd have a ball.... nothing that would cause you any harm, of course. he's only looking out for you and doing what's best for you..!

Pirate!

my second in command wanted a pirate. pirates are so fucking cool and i know damn well if this guy were a pirate he'd have a bunch of battle scars under that fancy coat.

Noritoshi as a pirate would be more than a little odd, but also fitting. He looks like the type of guy who'd be well put together, yet he's willing to get his hands dirty. Like the guy who got into the pirate life because of some personal issue that couldn't be solved fast enough through conventional means. Even as a pirate, i imagine he holds everyone to high standards. They're still pirates though.. so his expected standards aren't even that high. He has more freedom here, so even he himself lets loose once or twice. Especially with you. He's even able to get away with more violent actions for you, the seas are unpredictable, after all. While taking some treasure, Noritoshi'd toss you a gem or golden coin, just so you can say you were the first to claim it. Just so he can see that happy glint in your eyes when getting your hands on treasure. God forbid anyone try to get their hands on your hard earned goods. They'd be met with a bullet to the foot or a sword at their neck. Everyone and their mother knows how you're his favorite, but Noritoshi downplays it. Its not a crime to help out someone from his crew is it? Not in the seven seas. He leans more into his cold ruthless killer side here. He has goals and people to help keep in line whether hes captain or not. Yet when around you, he's almost adorable in how he shows you a pearl so entrancing that it reminded him of you.

Corpse Bride!

my submission to my Noritoshi Halloween costume closet.. CORPSE BRIDE, THIS MOVIE FUCKS. esp w the yandere elements.

Noritoshi 100% made you recite the wedding vows to him before accepting the ring. If you fumbled up, he'd correct you with SO much attitude and expect you to start from the top until you got it perfectly.

Hypothetically, in the chalice scene towards the end..

Noritoshi is the type to never be fully relaxed unless he knows for sure you'll be eternally his. In this scenario, YOU proposed to HIM but have to die to continue being together. Not only that, but someone in the living world is also after your heart. Someone who bleeds. Someone who's the obvious choice. Someone who can give you the life that you deserve. Someone who will succeed in their pursuits if you. remain. alive. Noritoshi's life was cut short, yet he still managed to lose so much and be abandoned a considerable amount of times. When he meets you and finds out about the possibility of having to go through that again even in death, it finally clicks in his rotting mind. He realizes he's been doing something wrong to keep constantly failing. Noritoshi revises his methods to a more.. selfish course. Why should he care about anyone else's wants or how his actions hurt them? You were the only one who made him truly fulfilled, to make him feel alive. The only one who deserves anything and everything good that comes from this world. Destiny is never done toying with him when he realizes your marriage is invalid because of your pulse and his lack thereof no matter how hard he'd try, but the opportunity arises. of course, he's ecstatic to give you an afterlife worth much more than what a silly beating heart can achieve. "All people die eventually. If you miss your living family or friends, all it takes is patience, darling. I'll wait by your side in the meantime." He weighs the pros and cons of everything, but when it comes to swaying manipulating your thoughts he only highlights the ones that'll get you on his side. in this case, the pros of dying to be with him! Honestly, the answer was so obvious that Noritoshi didn't know why he was stressing about it before. It hurts him to see you in any type of pain, but he reassures both himself and you that it'll only be for a moment. Afterward, he'll have the rest of your afterlives to make it up to you!! What happened to Till Death Do Us Part? Noritoshi thinks it's insulting that something as shallow as that could be so widely accepted. If your love were true, it wouldn't stop just because the world decided to take them away. "Till death do us part? Darling, don't be silly. 'Not even death will do us part' feels much better, doesn't it?" 

[bangchansgirlsblog]

I have a request, you could pick which ever <3!! stray kids (idm the member) making a bet on the reader to get with them, stray kids comforting reader thinking they’re cheating but the reader isn’t. I’m

I saw someone else do this and it was so good, but your one of my favorite stray kids writer , but if your not wanting to I totally understand ><

- 🌷

Silly bet

Warning: None

Pairing: Han x reader

Summary: ^^

!kinda proof read!

Thank you for the request love ☺️

Hope you enjoy the story!

-🩷

**

It wasn't like I should have found out but the truth comes out at the end.

today was a long day at work. There was no lie there. Everything was so frustrating. The day started with my co-worker spilling coffee all over my brand new shoes, then losing the earring Han had just got me for our 2 year Anniversary and then lastly falling down and twisting my ankle when I was rushing down the stairs because my ignorant boss thought it would be "funny" to make me run with stacks of papers in my hand trying to see if I can make it for one side to the other. So yeah my day wasn't going great. At all.

"Han?" I call for my boyfriend but I hear no response. The house was quiet. Was he not home yet?

I put my shoes by the rack and limp over to our room to put everything away before I could start on dinner. All the rooms were dark and had no sign of human activity.

I put my bag down and changed into something more comfortable and head back out to the kitchen.

"What should I cook today?" The thought run through my head but after some time I just realized how tired I was so I just decided to order some Chinese. 

I grab my phone to call my boyfriend to see what he would want from the shop,

"Hey baby?" I say into the phone after he picks up after a few rings.

"Hey my love!" He beams. I could hear a few voices behind. The boys must be with him.

"I've had a long day, I don't think I'm going to cook." A sigh leaves my lips as I play with the collar of my...well his hoodie.

"Awe my love, do you want talk about it now or when I get back home?" His voice is laced with worry, I can hear it.

"When you get back home please, but don’t worry it’s not that bad," I explain to him knowing Han he would literally leave work at that moment just to come home.

"Okay…rehearsals are almost done anyways so I'll see you in like and hour yeah?"

"Okay but I'm ordering Chinese. What do you want? Should I get the usual?"

"Yeah let's do the usual yeah," I hear some laughter and a few screams which cause me to chuckle. “All of you shut up!”

"Okay I'll see you in a bit,"

"I love you,"

"I love you too baby doll,"

A small smile plays on my lips as I wait for him to hung up.

"Who was that?" I hear through the phone. My curiosity took the best of me. Plus he hadn't hanged up yet so I technically wasn't breaking boundaries?

"Just Y/n, she's had a long day at work," Han softly says and rummages through something probably in the studio. "I'm worried about her, she's been so stressed lately,"

"Dude I can't believe you’re actually in a 2 year relationship, remember how this all started?" The other voice says, it was hard to tell who is was.

"Chan, I still haven't told her about it and I don't think I ever will, it'll just ruin things," Han replies to him. What will ruin things? And what hasn't he told me yet?

Was he cheating? Is he doing something behind my back?

"I'm just saying Han, she was a stupid bet I don't think she'll really care if you tell her sooner rather than later. Plus your in LOVE for crying out loud. You guys have been together for 2 years! I don't think she'll care about a stupid bet,"

My body freezes as I listened in on the conversation even more. I was a bet? A bet? What the hell? I knew Han was out of my league when we first started to get to know eachother but I thought maybe he liked girls like me….i was wrong the whole time? I was just a bet?

"I know I know but it still feels wrong and she's been so stressed lately so no I don't think I'll ever tell her,"

I remain silent as a screeching sound runs through my ear. A bet? I was a bet….

I had no words literally and the constant voices were running through my head in all directions. Heartbroken was in understatement.

Nausea hits me really hard as the thought of my 2 year relationship was being based on a bet. 

"Anyways what time is it anyway, I need to get home to the wifey,"

The phone goes quiet until I hear Han's panicked voice. Probably realizing I was still on the phone.

"Y/n? You're still there?"

I small 'fuck' in the background made my Chan and whispers start to echo through the room.

"Y/n baby? Did you hear any of that?" He asks again. Panic was very visible in his voice. His breathing getting heavy.

"I was a bet?" Is the only thing I could say and ask. Nothing else could come out. My brain couldn’t scrape anything at all.

"No- I mean- baby- let me explain-" I hung up the phone and drop it to the ground. Everything was a lie.

My heart was aching with pain and the room seemed to become very very shaky.

A heavy breath leaves my mouth before a sob escapes. The vibrations make my body shake and the ground feeling like it was swallowing me.

The floor was cold and the room felt hot. The clothes in my bidy were slowly suffocaying me. i didnt know what to think or what to do.

My phone vibrates over and over. The picture of me and Han popping up with each ring. The feeling of throwing up coming now and again as I clutched my body trying to make sense of everything.

How could a person affect you so much Y/n? Han knew how much I loved him he knew how much I cared for him, if he really did love me why didn’t he just tell me? Why didn’t he just explain it to me?

My stomach started to hurt due to how hard I was crying. As each sob left my mouth a shiver went down my spine.

“Baby?!” A voice causes my neck to snap towards the direction of the door. The love of myself stood before me as he quickly shut the door and put his shoes away.

“Han?” My sore throat is able to make a sound but my voice is hoarse and breaking.

“Babe, don’t cry my love please?” He takes a few steps before he is right infront of me. His hands reach out but my body dodges his touch.

“How could you?” Was all I could say through sobs. “I thought you loved me..”

“I do love you mama, I really do. I just- we were just young and stupid. Please let me hold you. Please let me carry you onto the couch. You’re gonna get a cold.” His eyes are soft. His lips were plump and worry was painted all over his face. He was wearing a hoodie and some sweatpants with a beanie on his head.

I nod my head slowly and his hands work quickly . He pulls me into his embrace. His scent filling my nostrils.

“Are you okay?” He softly asks. I nod in response. It’s all I could do.

We were sat on the couch now. My knees were against my chest as I watched him move back and forth around the house before sitting down beside’s me.

“Can I please explain now?” He asks, “I hate seeing you like this my love. Look at me please?” I refuse to look at him. I was afraid that I would fold, I wouldn’t be strong.

He lets out a sigh before beginning, “Y/n the bet was stupid. The bet was almost 3 years ago my love you have to believe me when I say it only last a month before I noticed I was actually in love with you. I told the boys that I didn’t want the money and that I had fallen for you. They told me it was okay and that we would never have to speak about it again but guilt was eating me alive-“

“Then why did you just tell me?” I look at him looking for answers.

“I- I was so scared of losing you…” he pauses and takes a deep breath in before wiping the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes, “ You are my first love, my first everything, I didn’t want to lose you because of some stupid mistake,”

“Oh…but what about the trust? Has everything been a lie?”

“No no no no, you have to believe me there Y/n. That’s the only thing I haven’t told you. I swear, you know everything about me, more than the boys do-“

“Oh…” a silence falls upon us as I play with the promise ring he had given me when we had gone on vacation to Greece. He had gotten down on one knee when we were on the beach and I started to freak out thinking that he was going to propose but it was a relief when I heard his question. Don’t get me wrong I will marry him one day I just thought we were still too young to get married plus he has his career still building up. It was just horrible timing.

“It hurts, you know?” I break the silence.

“I know my love, please let me make it up to you? Don’t give up on me please. I was stupid and young and my action has no excuse but please forgive me. I love you with everything in me.”

A little sigh leaves my lips as I study his face. His hand was on my lap. The silence fell upon us again. The panic attack that had happened a few minutes ago had now died down.

“I- I forgive you Han but I don’t know maybe it’ll take time to fully forgive you for lying to me,”

“That’s totally okay my love,” a small smile plays on his lips, “I’ll wait for you but just know I really do love you okay? And your my everything,”

“I love you too Han, so much it hurts.”

**

[markantonys]

I came across a Twitter thread that said the set up for the docks when it comes to the Warder bond between Lan and Moiraine was handled much better in the books cause in the show they feel like the mechanics of the Warder bond was too vague/not explained well in the show that they weren't able to connect with Moiraine and Lan's emotional conflict in s2 because of it. And I am a bit confused cause honestly I don't think the books explain how the Warder bond works at all from what I remember. Just making a lot of wild claims about how everything about the books are better and how the show is fumbling when they haven't even read half the series yet (show first to book reader). Just this trend to shit talk every choice the show makes when you don't even know the full complete story is wild to me

haters: the show hasn't done enough to explain how the bond works

all the screentime across 2 seasons the show has dedicated to showing how the bond works which the haters kept complaining was a waste of time better spent on rand having swordfights:

like literally what do they want lmao some people will never be satisfied!

but the mention of the "mechanics" of the bond is interesting to me because i think we may be hitting upon 2 different types of viewers here: the minority of lore enthusiasts who need to understand every single detail about how things work or else they will be upset and lose immersion, and the majority of audiences who are content with a general understanding of how things work and don't get hung up on details, or will at most go "hmmm i'm not sure if this makes sense, but it's a cool story beat so i'm happy to shrug and move on".

the former category were going "but what weaves is moiraine doing now? did they actually unbond and now she's remaking it from scratch? i thought the bond was only masked? this is such a plothole, it doesn't make sense, i can't concentrate on anything else about the scene" during the 2x08 moiraine & lan beach scene, and the latter category were thinking "what a beautiful and emotionally satisfying moment of seeing them come back together!" and that's it. and probably similar for the rest of the season. if somebody felt unable to connect with the emotional aspects of that storyline, i would bet it's because they felt too unclear about the mechanics of the state of the bond and couldn't let go of that confusion enough to sink into the emotional aspects. (which is really more of a personal thing; my show-only mom was definitely keyed into the emotional aspects of this storyline and didn't get bothered about some mechanics being left vague. in fact, i think she would've just gotten confused if they'd tried to explain the mechanics in more detail djkfjg bless her.)

undeniably, the show does not explain magic mechanics in as much depth as the books do. but that is because it's banking on the very fair assumption that the majority of audiences don't need to have this level of detail in order to enjoy and understand the story (and may get more confused than they need to be if they ARE given this level of detail). i'll admit that s2 was a bit muddled on What Exactly Is Going On with moiraine and lan's bond, and i found myself a bit confused by the mechanics at times, but that never impeded my appreciation or understanding of the emotional aspects of the storyline because i'm someone who is happy to shrug and move on if the mechanics of how something is functioning in a fantasy story aren't making total sense to me.

also, moiraine & lan at the docks won't happen until the end of s3 and it's very very possible we might learn even more about bond mechanics earlier in s3 via elayne and birgitte (who will be good candidates for explaining some New Bond Basics that it wouldn't make sense for moiraine and lan to talk about since they've had theirs for 20 years), so like..........maybe they should just Watch And Find Out.

it's also very interesting that this is coming from someone in the show-to-book pipeline because i honestly would not be surprised if a lot of their base knowledge for how warder bonds works was absorbed..........from the show. and they just don't realize it. granted, if they started with new spring it might be different because i'm assuming new spring goes into a lot of depth about how warder bonds work (though i don't know for sure, i haven't read it). but if they only read EOTW-TFOH, they sure as shit are not gonna have gotten much info about bonds *from the books* because we barely spend any time with characters who are part of a bond during those books. we get, what, maybe a couple chapters total of moiraine or lan pov and then start diving into it a tiny bit more in TFOH with elayne and birgitte, but it's really not that much from what i can remember - and i can't remember very well, because i went into the books already having a very solid understanding of the concept of the bond thanks to all the work s1 put into showing it. i do not remember learning anything significant about the bond in the first 5 books that i didn't already know from s1.

it's also so strange to me in general to see people start with the show, then go to the books, and then start hating on the show because as a show-to-book pipeline person myself, all going to the books did was make me go "wow thank fuck for the show, it will fix X, it will fix Y, it's already fixed Z" basically constantly. it made me 10000x more grateful for and appreciative of the show and the way it's choosing to tell the story!

[caus34concern]

i'm tired of pretending that play rehearsal/theater isn't some sort of escape mechanism for christine and that she doesn't have a ton of underlying issues so here's this thing

an escape mechanism is a mental process which enables a person to avoid acknowledging unpleasant or threatening aspects of reality.

"I look around, and everyone's hurting. I wish there was something real I could do to make things better, but I don't know how. So I guess I'll just do theater."

christine's whole character revolves around play rehearsal/theater and her passion for it. when it starts, she's happy. when it's over, she's sad. basically, on a surface level, her entire personality is just being an eccentric theater kid. theater could just be a hyperfixation of hers since she does have adhd, but hyperfixation itself can also be a coping mechanism in the way that sometimes it leads to the avoidance of your problems and instead just causes you to turn to your hyperfixation as a distraction which is basically just escapism. she mentions doing similar when she talks to jeremy right before the pitiful children in the bway production.

for a more in-depth analysis on how and why it's an escape mechanism, it's basically just rooted in how christine wants things to be easy. she said so herself in voices in my head. and that's why she enjoys theater. because it makes her life easy. everything is planned out in a script and there's no uncertainty or pressure of having to decide what to do. she doesn't have to worry about making mistakes or sudden surprises or going off-topic into some tangent because everything is planned. if something happens in a play, it probably happened for a reason, and that reason ultimately usually leads to a happy ending.

another thing about theater she likes is acting. she mentions in a guy that i'd kinda be into that she doesn't relate to other people her age unless she's on stage which is basically just her indirectly saying that she feels disconnected to others and only feels connected when she's on stage. when she's playing a role. when she's acting as someone else. basically, she only connects with people when she pretends to be someone who she's not. in addition, she says in i love play rehearsal that the only time she gets to be the center of attention is when she's acting. there's also this line from the i love play rehearsal demo where she says that when she's being praised on stage she feels like she's in control but then remembers it's just the role she's acting which gives another example of how she uses theater and acting as an escape mechanism. she uses it to feel in control because, as mentioned previously, with a script she won't have to worry about what comes next. she feels in control knowing that everything will work out in the end, but then she remembers that that isn't actually her life and she's merely just acting out someone else's. so she actually isn't in control. her story doesn't have a script to follow or have an ending to be happy about yet.

now onto some of her underlying issues. acting and her lack of sense of self kind of go hand in hand. you know the phrase "losing yourself in a role"? yeah, take that but make it literal and that's christine. due to her often playing roles and acting as someone else, she loses her sense of self. and since she has no friends or at least isn't shown to have any, she has no way of telling what her "true self" is. maybe if she had a friend, they'd be able to tell her that she wasn't herself or that what she was doing was something she wouldn't usually try doing, but since she doesn't, she doesn't know what her true self is. she doesn't know herself outside of the role she acts. she doesn't know herself outside of theater which is practically her life. even jake fell in love with her acting rather than her. the reason jake liked her is because seeing her acting made him feel something and that's all it ever was. the reason they broke up is because "she wasn't juliet". christine was mostly reduced to and liked for her acting by jake. jake didn't like her for her.

and it's due to her lack of sense of self that makes her subconciously a people pleaser. she doesn't realize because she finds it natural to pretend to be someone she's not. she doesn't realize because she doesn't have a sense of self to begin with. christine mentions in i love play rehearsal that she wonders if she's living up to all she's meant to be. at first, maybe it's about her acting. something like am living up to the expectations of those around me? but with her previous issues taken into account, it might instead be am i showing people who i actually am instead of who i can be? jake said something similar himself in the bway version of upgrade. he asks christine when was the last time she tried something new that wasn't on stage. she's been limiting herself to a life on stage and grown used to acting as someone else to the point that she's never actually able to "live up to all she's meant to be".

ok that's it i just really needed to get this thing out of my system, and i hope this causes one less person to mischaracterize christine or water her down to an eccentric theater kid with adhd because that girl is so insecure and sad

[chipthekeeper]

Ranking Velcinta moments by how insane they make me feel, a(n overly) comprehensive list

As promised, here's my way too detailed ranking of all 18-ish of their moments. This (predictably) got obnoxiously long toward the end, so venture under the cut if you actually care and/or don't mind a lot of scrolling.

18. Valley One (Ep. 6)

I'm relatively sane about this. Except when I think about how they probably slept in that little hut the night before. Also when I think about how this is one of the very few shots in which they're both visible and (relatively) in focus.

17. "No farewells tonight." (Ep. 5)

Mostly was insane about this when the episode first came out and I was SO. FUCKING. WORRIED. that they were gonna die in the next one.

16. "What are they doing?" (Ep. 5)

Girlfriends who scowl together stay together (please Tony Gilroy I'm begging you).

15. Feeding the dray (Ep. 5)

The fact that Cinta is smiling here is what makes me most crazy. Also I just adore this flash of simple domesticity with them. Ahh, what could have been....

14. "Have you heard from Cinta?" (Ep. 7)

Vel not being able to look Kleya in the eye when she asks about Cinta makes me crazy mostly for the whole "Vel/Kleya exes" plot but of course this whole part had me jumping out of my seat on first watch.

13. "The rebellion comes first. We take what's left." (Ep. 9)

VEL FINDING STRENGTH IN CINTA'S WORDS AND USING THEM TO HELP MON WITH HER DOUBTS TOO I'M !!!!!

(went all-caps way before I thought I would, maybe this one should be higher....)

12. Into the smoke (Ep. 12)

She looks so worried when Cinta isn't where she's supposed to be and then she sprints INTO the melee while everyone else is running AWAY. I'M NOT FINE!!!!

11. At the campfire (Ep. 4)

I swear to y'all that the first time I watched this episode and saw them sitting so close I was like "oh. hey" fully intending to ship them even if that was literally all we got. And then holy fucking shit we got everything I was too afraid to ask for. So this moment always has a special place in my heart.

10. "What's she doing?" (Ep. 4)

It. Makes. Me. CRAZY. That the first time they share a scene together, they're literally always in the same frame.

CRAZY.

Like....they've been connected from the VERY beginning, even if the show revealed them being together rather slowly. Also it's everything to me that the first time we see Cinta it's Taramyn asking her what Vel is up to bringing a new guy in. Because if anyone would know, it would be her.

9. "Stay focused, Clem." (Ep. 5)

All of the territorial Vel stuff is great to me but I especially love this moment. First of all Cinta's little smirk. And also it's just so....idk it's a quiet moment of contemplation and probably anxiety but we can't not take a second to tell Clem to back off.

I'm combining this with the "you can dress yourself" bit too because that moment just makes me laugh with how Vel's always in the background watching and then immediately jumps up to give Clem the business and use his scuffle with Skeen as an excuse to mark her territory.

8. "Closet?" "Empty." (Ep. 12)

That bit of dialogue made my gay little self so happy and then they went and did the whole "that's blood" "it's not mine" thing and I'll never recover. Vel being so concerned that she won't even let Cinta keep packing, but then at the very end she's a little impressed/turned on??? 10/10 no notes. (okay I have one note and that's "you're really just going to leave me hanging like that for two years?????" but that's a different post)

7. "Get down!" (Ep. 6)

Truly one of my favorite scenes in the whole show is when Vel almost loses her shit at the top of the dam. The tension is insane, her fear is PALPABLE, and I absolutely love that it's Cinta just calling her out for stalling and then yelling at her that breaks her out of it.

But the thing that makes me feel most crazy about this scene is this:

Someone please explain to me WHY Cinta makes the jump while looking directly at Vel. EXPLAIN IT TO ME. Or else I will just continue to believe it's because part of her is scared up there too and looking at Vel is what helps her take the leap. That is a crazy thought -- I'm pretty sure she's fine -- but if it's not that then I don't get why she's even facing that way??

6. This (Ep. 8)

THE MUSIC. THE FADE. THE SORROW. I like literally can't even talk about this one. But it does make me feel a lot how obvious it is that Vel's thoughts are soooooooooo far from the fight here:

While at the same time there's not a thought in Cinta's head about her:

Breaks my fucking heart.

5. "No. She didn't tell me." (Ep. 5)

Whew. This moment. For a while I was mostly happy about this moment because it was just one more piece of evidence that they were together before that was fully confirmed.

But then my headcanon brain took over while I was writing my multichapter fic and it has been fucking me up ever since. Because I'm always going to wonder if all their drama was always going to happen the way it did or if Vel betraying Cinta's trust as a partner was some kind of breaking point.

Is that probably just me? Yes. Does it matter? Not to this ranking.

4. "She's already sharin' a blanket if that's what you're wonderin'." (Ep. 5)

I was!!! I was wonderin'!!!!! And I will forever use this phrase as a euphemism for being a lesbian.

What I would not give........to experience this line and this shot for the first time again. Or at least know what I sounded like giving a joyous shout.

3. "Tell me you'll be alright." (Ep. 6)

This is the one that I would probably sound the most insane trying to talk about out loud. It would be a lot of me like verbally keysmashing and somehow going "!!!!!!" out loud.

The hand-hold that saved my life? The EMOTION in their eyes when they look at each other??? Vel starting to go in for the goodbye kiss right in front of the hostages' salad but then just not????????

Fuck.

FUCK!!!!!!!

2. "Come away from the window." (Ep. 12)

I have to start by talking about Vel's cute little sad grin in this scene when she's like "nice to see you too" and Cinta like glares back at her. That made me feel crazy enough but then this whole scene that I want to say I can't even put into words even though I have in fact already done it.

The desperation on Vel's part is what kills me. Not that she's desperate for attention or love or whatever people always try to pin on her here (and of course it is that to some degree) but that she's desperate to keep Cinta from losing herself. She's so desperate but all she can do is ask. All she can do is hope Cinta will turn around and take a break. And she does.

BUT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS AFTER THAT TONY GILROY?!

I have never screamed so loud about a scene just ending.

Whatever, it gave me something to write and I enjoyed doing that.

1. "You love me because I show you what you need to see." (Ep. 8)

And here we are. The scene that has taken up space in my brain more than any other single thing since I saw it. I've been over it so many times. Watching and taking notes, staring at the gifs, studying the screencaps, trying to wrap my head around every little line and gesture and movement and emotion. I've spent hours on it, and I still find myself coming back to think about it and wondering if I've truly understood it all.

Just getting them reunited after Aldhani was such a relief (even though it was jarring at first to just see Cinta and be like "how the fuck did you get here?"). But then the conversation just knocked me on my ass.

"Haven't we been apart long enough?" YES YOU HAVE!!

"We take what's left." NOOOO TAKE IT ALL

"That's cold...even for you." Stabbing me in the face would be less painful.

And then...hearing the words "you love me" from one woman to another woman in a Star Wars show....not a book, not a comic...a show. Truly meant everything to me. I was so fucking happy to hear those words that I couldn't even process how goddamn sad the rest of it was until later. Once I did I had a stomachache for an entire week. I have one again right now.

And then it ends with the most fucking beautiful hand-hold and yet another tiny look that makes me feel crazy in and of itself (which I've done a whole post on by itself), and despite my broken heart I have hope.

If I am ever able to watch this scene and not feel seventeen emotions at once, it's over for me.

Easy number one.

[mrsnancywheeler]

omg how do u think the chicago show went down for billy and his muse :0

bc that part where they’re performing More Fun to Miss and billy’s getting all close to daisy would HURT reader. maybe in this universe it really is all an act and she knows daisy wouldn’t do that to her, but she still gets insecure and gets even more confused about where she stands with him :( that was a line billy never crossed until now bc it was always with other groupies.

Or how eddie and billy have that moment on stage since 90% of their beef is because of how he treats muse reader😭

idk! i’ve been obsessed with ur billy blurbs so i wanted to hear ur #thoughts 🫣

-🦅

literally that song has so much sexual tension, it drives me insane every single time I watch it and here's the thing. this is the point where reader's given billy the tour, she'll be there for him during that and that's it. if he doesn't make his choice by the end then it's over and she'll be done for good.

but regardless, there is so much tension and the cycle has really started again on top of all that, he's mean, eddie is holds you when you cry, it's a rough time and by chicago it's all at the breaking point. so when he's looking at daisy like that, when he's so close, smirking, there's a pit in your stomach of realization, a feeling of he's never gonna change. and you get it because daisy is talented, gorgeous, magnetic, but he could leave you for her in a second and the media would probably love it so much more. and you're basically sick to your stomach

and when you find out that this is the end of eddie, that he's done with the band forever, and you're so distraught. because now billy is promising to go to rehab, to get better, but you're about to lose eddie forever. the chips are down.

"eddie, what are you doing?" you're in the doorframe of his hotel room as he packs up.

he looks at you long and hard, "I'm done with the band, I can't do this anymore. everything always goes his way and I can't sit back and watch him treat you the way he does anymore"

"you're leaving me?" your voice cracks ever so slightly, just like the rest of his heart.

"I'm leaving the band."

you're walking further into the room, closer to him, "eddie, I know it's been rough, but it's all gonna get better, yeah? just stay, please, stay."

"no, it's not."

"yeah it is. billy and daisy are both going to rehab, and I'm not sure what's going on with graham and karen, but I'm sure we'll figure it out. we'll all be okay, you just have to stay"

"I can't live in the shadow of billy dunne anymore, I need to leave"

and you understand, you really do, you want him to do what's best for you. but it'll break your heart to let go of him and have to wait to see if billy lives up to his promise. and you can't deal with all that without eddie, he's been your only rock. and you feel selfish for crying.

"it won't be like before and if it is then leave, but not now, don't go yet"

"come with me" and you're looking up at him and so tempted. because you do love him, just not with the same intensity you have for billy, but maybe billy will let you down again, so you should choose the stable option.

"what?"

"come with me, sunshine. I'll figure something else out and we can be happy together." and you're staring so blankly because you really don't know. "you know all this can't last forever, you were always going to have to make a choice. and it hurts me to ask you too, but you can wait for him or come with me. and that's that."

you're crying unabashedly now, "eddie, I can't-"

some part of eddie knew you were always going to pick billy, so he accepts it solemnly, "I know, sunshine, I know."

"I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you"

"yeah, sometimes things just happen, I get it." he's got his bag strapped over his shoulder, "just don't stay with him if he doesn't keep his promises, you deserve so much better."

then you're kissing him one last time, he'll miss your taste, the softness of your lips, the way you hold his face. and when he pull away and looks in your eyes he remembers how young you are, especially when you a mutter out a small, "please, don't be a stranger ed's. can you call me?" how you went from a girl listening to a band to being in a complicated, turbulent relationship with a rockstar so fast and he doesn't know if he's ever pitied you more. in his gut he knows the band is over and you'll have to go back to a normal life after years of this, and he isn't sure if billy ever will be doing better. but eddie can't stay. and if he calls then he may never move on so he kisses your forehead, squeezes your hand, and is gone.

it really does feel like your world has come crashing apart, karen leaves, warren goes to be with lisa, eddie is gone, billy and daisy in rehab, and you're begging graham to just come to california for a while. he agrees for a few weeks and it does help you settle somewhat, having a familiar face, someone to bring you down. but eventually he has to go and you have to reintegrate into the socialite lifestyle of your father, have days where you're desperately looking for something to do because you're used to spending everyday at the studio or on tour. but now everyday is just endless nothing, getting back to your friends, laying on the beach, but you miss billy, you miss eddie, you miss everyone

eventually you do small modeling gigs for magazines to fill your time, people admire your fashion and you're in the media simply for being a young socialite, but parties aren't nearly as fun without the people you'd grown so close too. and I mean your heart literally jumps out of your chest when billy knocks on it one day.

anyways yeah lmao 💋

[hyperactivewhore]

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people claim that it’s Marcel’s fault that Klaus was missing from Hope’s life. First of all, Klaus deserved everything he got after all the suffering and trauma he put Marcel through. Marcel is a saint compared to Klaus, who has done unspeakable things not only to Marcel but to thousands of others as well. If Marcel had kept Klaus locked up in a sewer until the world ended he would be more than justified.

Secondly, absolutely no one stopped Klaus from picking up his phone and calling his daughter. No one stopped him from sending birthday cards or Christmas gifts to his daughter. In fact, many people encouraged him to talk to Hope, including Hayley, Caroline, and Hope herself. He was the one who decided not to call Hope. He was the one who decided to cut off all contact with his daughter. He was the one who thought that the best course of action was to go no contact with Hope. But while he had no problem practically abandoning Hope (who was only a child at the time), he continued to seek out his brother knowing that being in close proximity to Elijah could hurt Hope.

So many people try to say Klaus wasn’t a bad father by blaming Marcel, Hayley, Hope, and everyone else in the entire show. But the reality is, Klaus was a bad father because of his actions alone.

And even to the every end of his life, he continued to be a bad father. He chose to flirt with Caroline when Hayley (Hope’s mother - practically Hope’s only parent) was missing and was in grave danger. He chose to spend his last remaining days showing Caroline around New Orleans as if he didn’t have a heartbroken, devastated daughter back at home who was grieving the loss of her mom and preparing for the loss of her dad. This man, who willingly chose not to contact his daughter for years, decided to spend his last remaining hours with his one night stand instead of Hope - and people have that audacity to say that it’s Marcel’s fault that Klaus was missing from Hope’s life?

Don’t get me wrong, I love Klaus. He’s a very interesting character. But I hate it when people justify his actions - especially because they will occasionally vilify Marcel to do so. Marcel and Hope deserved a better father. Marcel and Hope simply deserved better.

I'll never understand why people are surprised Klaus was a shitty father.

Loving your kids is the bare minimum and treating them right is like the least thing you can do, yet Klaus already failed miserably step two with Marcel. Klaus never respected Marcel as a person and let alone as his son, I don't care what people think. He liteally brought Marcel to that bridge in season three to remind him of his slavery, mocked his whip wounds, laid his hands on him in season one, and didn't even care to have a special goodbye with him when he was gonna die.

He literally told Hope she was meant to be broken by him, constantly jeopardized her safety when she was a baby, practically ghosted her most of her life, probably told Hope that Elijah didn't save Hayley, purposefully leaving out he was whoring around with Caroline, and was ignoring her the day he was gonna die choosing to spend his last hours with that same woman, and literally left Hope all in her own after losing her mother like the week before because he couldn't live without his brother.

Marcel had every single right to take revenge against the Mikaelson, and so does Hope. Their supposed family never gave any damn about them and yet people blame everyone but Klaus simply because they think Joseph Morgan is hot.

[that-blue-vault-dweller]

Alright, this might be a bit of a lengthy one, but: When Nora leaves Vault 111 to find Shaun, Nate isn't in the cryo pod across from her. Later, she finds a 90+ year old version of him, somehow still alive, having given up searching for their kid (more out of old age then losing hope). How do the companions (and Nora) react to that?

I don't think I've ever had a request that asked to include how Nora would react to something, but honestly I am so super excited that I finally got one 💖💖💖 I've always wondered what it would be like to write Nora's POV on some of these reacts, so I guess I'll tear out and go 🥰 I'll probably stick with the version of Nora that I usually play as, so hopefully everyone enjoys!

Nora - Is absolutely shocked to find her husband alive and well. While she knew that he had somehow managed to get out and live, she had not expected to find him after all these years. She had not known what had happened to him, and she had been afraid to even consider the possibility that he was alive. She is overjoyed to find her Nate, and (presuming this is after getting into the Institute) she assures him that she has found their son. Despite being quite a different man than the one she fell in love with, him having gone through some grave hardship when he was wandering the wastelands and trying to find Shaun, he is still very happy to hear the news.

Cait - Is honestly angry that he gave up looking for Shaun because Nora has spent only a comparatively short fraction of her life looking and turning over every rock to find Shaun and succeeded. She ends up chalking it up to the fact that Nora must be immensely more intelligent than him if only to keep from completely boiling over while Nora is talking with him. She truthfully thinks that he was not as dedicated to finding the kid as Nora was and that she deserves better.

Curie - Is very pleased that Madame has found her husband and the remainder of her family and does not blame Nate for stopping his search to find Shaun. However, most primarily, she is interested in potentially running some tests to see how radiation and the elements have affected Nate since he started out as clean as Nora did in the vault. She wants to know how it affects him and how she could possibly formulate some manner of solution to keep it from affecting Nora quite so profoundly over time.

Piper - Is as shocked as Nora, but she is happy for her Blue. She kind of wonders how he did not find some clue about their son's whereabouts during his search, but she figures that Nora is just one special, one-of-a-kind sort of person when it comes to literally everything. Nora has unrivaled talent, and she is the most amazing person that Piper's known, so it's no surprise that she managed to find Shaun when Nate could not.

MacCready - Is very happy for the two, and truthfully relates to Nate a lot. He knows what it's like to be the father of a son, and he cannot imagine what it would be like to lose Duncan and have to go searching all over the Commonwealth just to come up with nothing. He understands why Nate stopped the search and does not blame him.

Deacon - Is not terribly surprised. After all, nothing much surprises him anymore. He's heard and seen so many things as a result of his spying on everyone in the Commonwealth. Plus, he had actually heard about someone that sort of sounded like Nate, and he had been the one to tell Nora about it, leading them to look for him and eventually find him. He's just glad that Nora has her family back in some way or another. Even if her husband and her son are both old codgers and she looks like their granddaughter and daughter respectively.

Codsworth - Is positively overjoyed to find sir! He is alive and that means that their family can be reunited! They just have to convince young Shaun-- erm... Shaun-- to come out of that dreadful underground hole and join them on the surface. He does not focus on anything else but the possibility of bringing the family home safe in Sanctuary and living out the remainder of their days there.

Hancock - Is pleased for Nora, but is honestly very much the opposite of pleased at the fact that Nate had given up the search for Shaun. Hancock is a man that will never stop even if it kills him, and to think of Sunshine being hooked up with some quitter after seeing how much of a fighter that she is, he cannot help but find himself slightly disappointed. He tries to push that feeling aside, though, knowing that Nate means quite a bit to Nora.

Danse - Is somewhat unhappy with the fact that Nate had given up searching for Shaun. Danse is a firm believer in not quitting, but on the other hand, he also can see why one would stop when the search was fruitless. It is a waste of resources. However, when one is a single person in the wasteland looking for one's son, he does not exactly understand why someone would stop. Danse himself did not stop looking when he lost someone he cared about to the harshness of the world around them.

Preston - Is extremely surprised to find that Nora's husband is still alive, and he is not upset with the fact that Nate gave up the search. He's only an old man now, and Preston would have been more upset if he would have given up out of a lack of hope for Shaun. As it is, he just hopes that the man will keep living for a while longer so he can maybe somehow see his son before he passes.

Valentine - Is mostly just sad for Nora in some ways despite his surprise at Nate still being alive. He remembered meeting him many years ago, but after their brief search turned up with absolutely nothing and no leads, Nate had just disappeared, presumably to further the search. He just hates for Nora to have to see the man that she is in love with in this terrible state. Especially since her son does not look much better. He cannot help but think of how terribly painful it must be for her to see in such clarity that she is going to almost certainly outlive her family.

X6-88 - Is mildly surprised since he believed that Nora was the only surviving relative of Father. Father had assumed that his dad had passed away due to the hardships of the wasteland. X6-88 is not overly impressed with Father's dad, especially since he apparently lacks the tenacity that Nora possesses. Ultimately, he does not say much but remains polite, deciding to report to Father about this later.

Dogmeat - Does not know him, but he understands that his human seems extremely fond of him. He can smell the love and the emotions pouring off of her. Therefore, Dogmeat decides that Nate must be another one of those people that he needs to protect because they mean something to his human. And protect, he shall. Plus, the man gives really good ear scratches, so he has definitely earned points with Dogmeat.

Strong - Does not care in the least about this entire thing. If Nate doesn't have or lead them to the milk of human kindness, he truthfully has no interest. He just wishes that his tiny human would hurry up and leave so they can keep searching. Plus, he's hungry. Maybe he could just eat Nate...

[weebsinstash]

Ok good you've finally seen it. What gets me in atsv (at least the version I watched) Miguel isn't even stated as having and loosing a family BEFORE he just up and leaves for that other dimension. Like dude decided he wanted a different life and a family and went and took up someone else's, instead of starting his own.

I was thinking about this last night and I eventually went back and watched the scene and it's like. Yeah bro you're right they do in fact never specify if he even had a family before

In the comics, he loses his pregnant fiance, and I, assumedly with a bunch of other people, was just kind of assuming that he had the same backstory in ATSV and it was sometime after her death that he tried a second time around. I'm assuming the canon he broke by going to another universe was HIS OWN canon: as a Spider, you are apparently supposed to lose your first love/first crush and move on, but by him jumping ship into another universe, that was breaking the rules (*cough cough* "but what if Miguel realizes being with Reader in his own universe doesn't break canon and he goes apeshit with it" *cough cough*)

But GOD wouldn't it be fucked up if it really was as literal as the way he phrased it. "I found another universe where I was happy" not "I found a universe where my family survived" is kind of sus phrasing. Like yeah bro you technically uh stole the life of a completely different person and helped raise his daughter and presumedly fucked his wife

But one thing a few people have mentioned that kind of took a while to sink in was like. Him losing that second family was RECENT. He didn't form the Spider Society until sometime after Miles became Spiderman, which he's only been wearing the mask for about a year and a half. Peter B was in the flashback where Miguel lost his second family, so like. It's literally been less than two years since Miguel accidentally broke canon. This man has some piping hot FRESH TRAUMA like he's probably still in a stage of grief???

Like I understand he's an antagonist but I'll be legit angry if he becomes like monstrously evil and it becomes "oh no we gotta defeat miguel" in the third movie because his trauma and his actions are completely understandable, like he could be an antagonist but he better not be like Final Boss. Like yeah yeah "he's technically killing people by not letting people break canon" but I mean as far as he's concerned, for all that he knows, what the evidence shows and what he's lead to believe, saving one person could potentially kill an entire universe and destabilize others so like. YEAH it sucks but no one should have to explain the math. Like the man literally had a small child he was helping raise literally vanish in his own arms as she cried "dad help" and people are like "UGH MIGUEL IS EVIL" like bro at the WORST he is obsessed with making up for his sins, dude isn't DELIBERATELY tryna cause shit. Like when you really get into analysis mode you can completely understand why he's so angry at Miles, Miguel was literally chanting "no puedo mas" ie "I can't anymore" at the concept of another hole being torn in the multiverse, like he's literally shouting and throwing shit around because for him it's "oh great here we fucking go, tons and tons of people will die if I don't get this under control, when does it end, how do i fix this"

His line on top of the train really kind of cements it, where he's all "and I'm the only one who's been keeping everything together" because he's not saying that from some source of narcissism, he's BURDENED by this, he's TRAPPED by this, but he feels a responsibility and a duty to make up for what he did. The man is essentially using his role leading the Spider Society as a punishment for breaking canon.

"Miguel is selfish" "Miguel is evil" bro Miguel is literally just one really really bad accident away from straight up killing himself, like tearing his own hair out as he beats his head into a wall. Miguel is like when you're so extremely stressed out that when you dropped your fresh toast on the floor jelly-down you legit contemplated suicide "because why can't even one thing go right for me". This man is hanging on by a thread but like I'm convinced the third movie will have a happy ending because it just. Doesn't feel right if it doesn't? The entire first two movies were about finding your own identity and making your own expectations and I feel like the whole canon event narrative inherently challenges what the movies stand for, so, really interested in seeing how the third movie goes, waiting will fucking kill me, and also with all the articles coming out about ATSV having insane crunch, I have a good feeling Beyond The Spiderverse is gonna be delayed. I kinda like that though because like, idk, do you guys ever get sad when a show or series ends. It's like the journey is over and then you move on and kind of forget about everything. I'm enjoying these movies and these characters and I don't mind marinating with em a little while longer

[caretaker-au]

you’re probably offline again, and I don’t know if anyone is gonna see this. but your au is genuinely one of my most favorite Undertale AUs ever. I have been in the Undertale fandom for a LONG time, but I don’t think there will ever be something as well written as the Caretaker AU again. the amount of research and love put into it is so cool. it truly does feel like something that could possibly happen in the actual canon and I LOVE it.

your version of Chara is also one of the most best portrayals of them I’ve EVER seen in the entire history of the fandom. when you began releasing the final chapters for the AU, I remember just sitting at my computer and rereading Chara’s lines over and over again. because their character was just so interesting to see in action. even when it was still a comic, their goddamn expressions and words are just so memorable to me. I still and always will have that little sadistic smile ingrained in my brain. (that also includes literally every character in comic even the background ones.) I love how you handle Chara as well, how you made them a horrible person but not totally unrealistic. like that one asker said, you feel bad for them, but just a LITTLE TINY bit. because they always screw up everything for themself and then go blame a 12 year old for it.

speaking of Frisk, your portrayal of them is definitely so very canon to me. I love their design and personality so much. they are so just relatable too, possibly one of the most realistic 12 year olds I’ve seen in a comic. they remind me a lot of me in a way, especially when I was 12 lol. I’m beyond happy they got a happy ending, they deserve it after, y’know, everything.

I wish you all luck on any other projects you may be working on. and I hope you are proud of what you have accomplished. :) you crafted a truly beautiful story. now if you don’t mind me, I’m just going to go reread everything again.

(take a shot every time I say ever lol, sorry for any spelling mistakes, thank you for reading it all)

Thank you so much for your kind words. Caretaker truly was a huge labor of love. I remember back when Ellipsis came up with the concept how it just gripped me like a bear trap. I couldn't stop thinking about it! Eruto felt the same way and was saying we should make a comic, and I was like, "no no, I don't want to do all that line art" but then she was like, you won't be alone we can draw it TOGETHER and then to demonstrate she took one of my super rough sketches and lined and colored it. And I was like, wow okay maybe this is feasible.

The resulting 3-ish years it felt like we were spending every waking hour working on Caretaker. I carried my sketchbook everywhere and would draw out thumbnails during my breaks at work, I'd be thinking about it on the drive home, and then we'd get on a discord call together to draw, line, and color for hours at a time. I could go on but the bottom line is that I LOVED IT. Each finished page (drawn or written!) fills me with pride and I look back fondly on the time spent creating and maintaining this blog together. It was exciting, compelling, and at many times exhausting, but worth it.

As far as the characterization goes, glad that you appreciate it! We reminded ourselves to never lose sight of the fact that Chara was still a human being--full of contradictions and ego and multiple-facets--but we didn't want to justify their behavior either. We all know people who are selfish, manipulative, and arrogant, but what happens when a person like that gets naïve enablement and never has to face any repercussions for their behavior? Without the correcting force that is LIFE, a cynical, angry, cruel child like Chara didn't have any reason to second-guess their worldview. Of course anything that goes wrong must be the fault of someone else!

This has already gotten kinda long, so all I'll say on Frisk is thank you and glad you agree! Personally, I knew some friends of the family who had kids about that age so I tried to reference their behavior in my mind when it came to writing Frisk. (Though most of Frisk's behaviors boil down to "RUN!!") Through the many discussions and occasional rewrites of this story, we always planned on ensuring Frisk had a happy ending. ♥

Thanks once again for the ask, and I hope you enjoy the reread!

[quackle]

If there’s a third season in the future, what do you hope to see?

Mine are:

1. More Mkulia. And they somehow find a way to gain control of their team.

2. Raj and Wayne got separated into two teams, I want to see how they deal with their own team and their thoughts of compete against each other.

3. Add two more characters and make it 3 teams with 6 person.

4. An unexpected villain arc for a originally good character and let them win. (I kinda want to see Damien got one after he knows Total Drama well enough.)

gonna ramble about my s3 wishes under cut. i'll probably come up with more as the days go by:

i just think we deserve a girl vs girl finale. too many missed opportunities for one. i need to see girl success.

i love julia, but let's give the main antagonist role to someone like, oh i dunno, the contestant who has sworn vengeance on this cast during both of her eliminations maybe? (i'm looking at you scary girl. keep your word! make it to the dang merge and make their lives hell! i've written an analysis for you and everything!)

i don't even care if nichelle wins anymore (and that's saying a lot coming from me), but can we PLEASE just PLEASE get her to the merge at least? i am so sick of people calling her niche-L like STOP 😭 can we TRY with her character instead of making it into a gag? just a little attempt?? for me??? (as you can see, i am staring hard at the only two contestants from this gen who didn't make the merge in both seasons)

give us a challenge at night. give us a swimming challenge. give us alt outfits. give us new settings. give us some creativity and fun. we deserve it. the island is cool but imagine if we were quite literally anywhere else. your ratings will peak.

i would also like to see the hockey bros on separate teams, especially after wayne has seemingly gotten over his fear of being on a different (hockey) team than raj. it would be interesting for their characters imo!

no central romance plot i BEG. put that big binder AWAY. not saying we can't have a romance plot (i think they can be cute and nice!), but let's just make sure it isn't the central plot or i'll lose my mind <3

make mkulia canon you cowards. i know i just said no central romance plot but like. we can still make this a subplot if we try hard enough.

i need more drama in total drama. like. let's make the drama STICK instead of having it rushed and solved in the span of an episode. long lasting tension leaves the audience gagged and wanting more. if we gotta make longer seasons then so be it! (oh how i miss the longer seasons...)

if y'all don't make emma and bowie talk next season like........... do not separate the besties like this! bring them back!

and speaking of my fav white girly—we need her to get some plot. i do not ever want to see her eliminated the way she was ever again. that was heartbreaking!

if we can't make a world tour/musical season happen again, first of all, BOOOOO THAT SUCKS, and second of all, can we at least squeeze in a musical episode? i gotta hear them sing, i'm sorry... my musical phase is never-ending i fear

you know that one intern? the one with the really good design? it would be soooooo cool if they made her a contestant to fill in a contestant quota or something. it would be sooooo cool 😇 don't you guys think it would be sooooo cool?

[thesherrinfordfacility]

okay so... we do agree that the most sense for the first scene of season 3 is to show in some way the fall, right? we saw the before, we saw the after (as in eden), we now need to know why there was this schism in the first place

and so, my question is, since i've just finished rewatching the job episode - what do you think, in gomens' universe, is the point of that schism? why did the fall happen? why was there a Great War? who started the war, was the war just between the different angels? who actually cast the losing side away?

the whole bit with "an angel/demon who goes along with Heaven/Hell as far as he can" really made me think about this all. plus, i personally would find it very satisfying to finally find out at least a little bit of context of why this separation happened in the first place for the moment (i hope) when the whole system is finally broken down and dismantled

hey lovely!!!✨ i do think it will open with some reference to the fall (as you said, imo it makes the most narrative, poetic, and thematic sense!!!), but i also feel like a lot of the show's answers are going to be within the fall, so idk if we'll see all of it in the beginning cold open, or if some will be continued towards the end of the series?

as for the fall questions, wowzers, i'll do my best to answer what i potentially think could factor in here, although they may not answer your qs outright!!!✨ and probably link to some other specs/metas that ive had jumbling around!!!

i think aziraphale knew or suspected something about why it would be risky to question god; maybe not that the fall was already bandied about as a concept, but maybe that there were Things Afoot that made him think that going against her will and plan could be bad news

i think that god is ultimately a very neutral, very amoral party. i don't think she is good or bad, right or wrong, well-meaning or malicious; she just is. i even possibly think that the ineffable plan, if there is even such a thing like she says in s1, is that she has no plan at all. everything is up to everyone else. (don't really have a singular meta on this, but perhaps a bit of this and that)

metatron is the Big Bad. dunno why, necessarily (ie what are his motivations other than Power?), but i think when god goes AWOL somewhere between job (or maybe actually after golgotha?) and present day, he fills the void and acts like he is still the voice of god, that he is still receiving orders. (again, no singular meta on this, and ive kinda got it sprinkled across many posts tbh!!!)

so with those kind of things in mind, here are my possible thoughts (not committing to any singular one) on the fall and the schism you've mentioned.

the fall was not necessarily meant to be what it turned out to be. i think ultimately angels came to god asking questions, or questioning her and her Ineffability, or the plan, whatever.

god wanted all of her creation to have free will. if that free will was to break away from heaven and from her, and act in their own interest, under their own orders, by their own conscience, i don't think she ever had an issue with this. even if - in the presumed case of lucifer - the intention was to break away as a direct challenge to god, to have the same power as god, i similarly don't think she wanted to stop this. that is literally free will. so she does nothing to stop whatever happens when they choose to break away.

metatron however has other ideas; heaven is good, and is correct, and is right. anyone who even questions it, even if out of love and devotion to god, those who just want to understand, were forfeit. god has removed herself from the picture, not even there at the (literal? figurative?) trial, so metatron acts as judge, jury, and executioner. in some cases, i think there were angels who were pushed, not fallen.

we know there was a war, but i think it was out of the angels that remained 'on heaven's side' being told lies about their fellow angels - told that these defectors were actively working against god to jeopardise her creations and her plans. that heaven will fall if they are not cast out. conflict ensues - from their perspective - to protect the sanctity of heaven.

then, possibly, i think a memory wipe kinda thing did happen, but specifically on the events of the fall. i do also wonder if this is where the book of life comes into play, but not overly confident (on any of this, really)

and ultimately i think the whole concept of true free will might have been god's plan - if you can call Nothing a plan - all along? that she completely steps back, and let's heaven and humanity kinda work it out for themselves.

like, this is the kinda stuff that i hope they reveal later on s3; crowley falling with lucifer, and possibly meeting aziraphale again etc. would, imo, be great for the ep1 cold open, but the actual events of the fall i think needs to be the belter that comes out in maybe ep5 or 6. obviously i haven't gone into where i think crowley and aziraphale may slot within all of this, but most things can be found in my masterpost anyway, or indeed happy to summarise for anyone who wants it!!!✨

[glittercake]

could you go into your writing process a bit? i’ve been a fan of your fics for years now, and i still find myself in awe of how you’re able to create these cohesive worlds and voices and dynamics and just how tight your writing is. like i never feel like anything should be cut and even if all the loose ends aren’t tied up, i feel like it ends right where it should. like i’m so curious to see how your brain turns out so much magic!!

Oh my gosh, this is so nice of you to say 😭 Thank you first of all!  Secondly, I'll try to map out my process for big wips below the cut! Hope it makes sense 🤭 But this ask literally put a smile on my face all day, so thanks again. 

So to start off, I usually have a good idea of exactly how the story should end. That helps big time with everything else. If I don't know kind of what happens in the middle and exactly how it should end, I really struggle. 

Then I have a separate doc where I write down all my notes or thoughts about the stories, and also do the outlines. The story ideas come either extremely randomly, like me falling down a rabbit hole of presidential assassinations on YouTube (y'all know what this resulted in) or they're a result of my friend and i spiraling about something in the DMs (lighthouse, boxing fic, soulmate fics, most of the horny ones too 😂)

I also like to gather some pics just to get an idea of what the characters look like in whatever universe I'm writing about, as well as the scenery and buildings/layout. So for example, i used these inspo pics for The First Gentleman:

So every time I open the doc to write I'd have these, the outline, and the notes open. Other visuals like the banner or graphics I make also help put me in the right mindset for the story.

So, before I start writing, I draft an outline. I try to keep it brief tbh, the longer and more involved the outline the more intimidating the story feels which means less chance of me actually writing it 😅 (there are about 3 outlines that will probably never see the light of day!) but brief doesn't always work so what i do, especially for long wips, is make a short bullet list for what needs to happen in each chapter.

This way i can accommodate plot bunnies, shift stuff around and kill the darlings before i get too attached, i usually also have a few key scenes in my head and i then fit them in here. Outlines also include stuff like a quick character write up like age, quirks, bad habits, cute habits or sayings they have (in Ain't No Grave they had this cute back and forth "keep up now" or in Ruins Bucky called everyone meatballs.)

This is roughly what a chapter outline looks like for me:

lmaooo. as you can see it's very informal. basically a scribble.

Usually when I'm super inspired, i can get going straight away, otherwise I let it turn over in my head a little bit until i come up with a good starting point. What also helps me cement the character voices and specific characteristics is re-watching whatever source media it relates to. So for me it's always Cap 2 & 3 and TFATWS, Endgame where Sam gets the shield, and Sam’s scene in AoU and Antman.

I prefer to write in order from start to finish. I find I lose interest too quickly if I don't. Having a point to work toward is easier for me. BUT at the bottom of the notes/outline doc I also have a section for scenes that I absolutely can't get out of my head and need to write down right the fuck now. For example Monica’s induction in TFG was written waaay before anything else, so was the sambucky reunion in that fic. But, because I placed it at the bottom of a separate doc, the fic was still technically written in order 😌 makes perfect sense, I know lol.

Then whenever I finish a bullet point in the outline, I color it off the list. This process helps me keep track of what has been done and what still needs to happen. Seeing how much I've completed also really helps to keep me motivated, plus the colors are fun! Helps with sticking to what i had planned too, i find if i don't follow outlines, the scenes and characterization kind of jump all over the place. Mostly i only have some time on weekends to write so knowing exactly what i need to write and how i need to write it beforehand is key to me. Having the outline done before I start means I have a week to play those scenes out in my head or play with the dialogue until it sounds right. 

If I get stuck, I read either a book or my favorite fics, do some art, or just leave it be until inspo strikes again.

And I think that’s about it. Don’t know if this is what you were looking for but there you have it 😂 

💕 

I’m always happy to get asks about my fics and writing, so don’t be shy!

[hrodvitnon]

Underrated aspect of Shamhat I really like but don't see mentioned at all really is how the Titans approach sex and how it delivers additional characterization about them. I think too often smut is kinda just two or more characters banged together like action figures with no additional characterization and the authors' kinks/fetishes projected onto them. This is why I really like Shamhat because (barring some exceptions) it doesn't do those things and ends being a really good character-driven narrative at the same time as being a smut-fest.

Prime example: I didn't like Shamhat Godzilla for a while. He seemed to me like this way overconfident alpha caricature that everyone was head over heels for just because he's, y'know, Godzilla. Every woman he breathed in the direction of turned to putty, when he realizes he's being peeped on with Mothra he opts to show off his mating prowess instead of stopping immediately for his wife's sake, and the implication that he got to tell Rodan who he was and wasn't allowed to get with and him immediately shouting commands at him when they first meet in the story really rubbed me the wrong way on him (I should probably qualify this was literally at the time of like, Chapter 7 being released- so still early and I was reading it on release and none of the supplemental material on this Tumblr. I hadn't even read Abraxas at this point lol). However, I think after I really looked into some of the scenes involving him as well as his general behavior- I do think I now have a much better perspective on him.

I feel like the fact that he is King weighs on him a little more than he lets show and that often trickles down into everything he does. Everyone knows him and has expectations of him, which he feels he has to rise to and meet. He feels like he has to play a role, put on a performance. This gets established in literally the first sex scene with him and Mothra when he realizes they're being watched. My headcanon here is that he actually thought this was Rodan peeping on them at first before he actually realizes it's Vivienne. My reasoning being that his pre-conceived notion would assume that Vivienne would be curt enough to just turn away and leave if she stumbled on them- but Rodan would absolutely stay and watch. Nonetheless, once he does realize he's being watched he almost completely unfocuses from Mothra and focuses on putting on a show- making sure to emphasize (as it says verbatim in the story) what he is capable of doing to a lover. Another subtle detail I really like is how he goes from vocalizing his pleasure with growls that seem to shake the ground to being as dead silent as he can manage (he does let out a 'quiet roar' when he cums, but I like to think that he was really trying hard to be quiet here, to sell that he's the dominant one in control and fulfilling his kingly duty to satisfy his queen, or at least to present himself as so to not lose face in front of Rodan or whoever else could've been watching). Even past all the sex- he usually acts overly theatrical to impress/seduce people (and it usually works. Case in point: Vivienne and Maia). When he does this- I think he acts in a way that he suspects humans might believe he would act. Like- he knows he's incredibly important to Vivienne and that she's definitely hoisted him up onto a lofty pedestal of some god she wants to win the favor of; and so he acts exactly like that for her sake as to not disappoint her (cue callback to the line "I would take it slowly, let her set the pace. And if I nick her in my passions, I'll tend to her." I think when he says 'passions', he means in both the more obvious physical way and the less obvious mental way that he worries he may not live up to be what Vivienne sees him as). Also interesting that this seems to permeate everywhere- even when he's with his wife of 200 million-ish years who you'd expect he trusts with his life, he still sometimes acts like this because he thinks he has to (however I will say that in many ways he might literally have to, and Mothra knows and acknowledges that). Another line I think is super telling is when Ling arrives and the royal couple needs to go meet them, "You're knot-deep in your needy, fertile wife and yet the outside world is what concerns you more? Since when were you so good at multitasking?". His kingly duties are at the forefront of his mind 24/7 and he needs to keep up appearances as often as humanely possible.

My favorite scene with Goji in the entire story is probably simultaneously the most overlooked one, as it's supposed to play side-fiddle to the scene the chapter is named after, is the one with Rodan in Chapter 8. Besides the obvious reasons that it could be assumed why this is my favorite, I'm really a fan of how Godzilla and Rodan sort of mutually see through one another's bullshit but neither are willing to admit it at first, so they kinda just dance around it and half-heartedly roleplay the punishing dom/bratty sub. I feel like despite Goji's best efforts to maintain the Kingly front in everything he does- Rodan can always see right through it because he does exactly the same thing himself with his own bad-boy bravado. He definitely knows that Godzilla's not actually planning to punish him after their bout with Vivi and Mothra but is still sorta playing along with it because he realizes Goji's doing the same thing. Once he's done with it, however, he actually calls Goji out on it- and he responds that Rodan would be confused if he didn't do anything to acknowledge what he did, so he basically admits to him that it was to keep up appearances. But I'm also pretty sure this is the only time someone actually calls him out for acting this way- every other time people just seem to let it slide. However, after he gets the message that Rodan can see right through the King act, he has genuine sex with him that he actually lets himself enjoy rather than trying to appear like he's in control or something like that. I also really like that Rodan does the same here; subtle, but it does show they do trust and enjoy each other's company despite constantly giving each other grief.

I actually think that Goji sort of improves on this in later chapters as he starts acting less like his kingly persona and more like his real self (letting himself get emotionally worked up in front of the group, allowing Tiamat to be all frisky with him, deciding to rely on Rodan and Vivienne to help with his rut instead of thuging it out). But- there is one wrench that gets thrown into his path multiple times and recently came to a head in the last chapter- San. I'm gonna skip a recap because god this is already so fucking long and go straight to the point. I know you got some flak for the stuff with Maia and Goji; but I do think it's totally in character for him to attempt to appear as the dominant force on Infant Island by screwing San's mate. It was very obviously pretty manipulate on his part to basically use Maia as a status symbol to lord his superiority over San- even if San had agreed to getting with different partners, Godzilla knew exactly what he was doing and why he was doing it. However, it totally lines up that he either feels like he'd be weak for not establishing a dominance hierarchy- or he feels threatened by San's presence and thinks that getting San to submit to him would bring a sense of security (like that snake in the nest thing with Vivienne and Rodan). However- one thing I will say on this front is I hope that this isn't just brushed to the side and excused like some other instances of his behavior are (or San's, they're both at fault). I feel like it'd be really unhealthy if say Mothra or Vivienne or even Rodan give him no flak for this and let it slide with no repercussions; or worse, find a way to spin it that paints it in a positive light, like- 'Yeah Godzilla's super-hot for trying to start beef and fight another guy we're supposed to be welcoming to the island. Really sexy alpha energy he's got going on there'. I think it would be a great time for Goji to actually get confronted by someone on his more toxic behaviors, and give him an opportunity to grow out of them by actually making up with San.

All that being said- I could just be overanalyzing smut again, so- yeah- lol. Cant wait for chapter 17!

If I may be totally honest here, I love discussions and analysis of Abraxas (it is my Super Serious Fic Baby that took Two Gyat Dang Years from start to finish), but I'd ADORE to see such in-depth analysis of Shamhat (the middle child, with my SIGNALIS fic series Liebchen, Komm zu Mir being the youngest baby). Also, was there any whiplash going from Shamhat's smutty shenanigans to Abraxas being... Abraxas?

This is already giving me ideas to tackle for future chapters, especially the upcoming one (which has been started but is on the back burner while I work on the latest and probably last installment of Liebchen, Komm zu Mir, soooo... maybe check those out if you want some fluff and sesbian lex? No spoilers in there, I promise. Beware comment sections.); because Goji has issues he needs to bring out to the open which will lead to a more serious and probably less smutty "intermission" chapter where he and San need to basically have a therapy session. Appreciate the critique of Goji's character writing!

Ozzy: Now I am become HORNY, the Destroyer of Worlds.

Well, if it's any consolation, the side-fic/spinoff Shamhat and Enkidu at the Watering Hole is meant to be for snippets that don't really fit in the ongoing events of Shamhat, so who knows, maybe such a threesome set in the past will appear there?

[fragmentsofsorrow]

3, 9, and 18

(two of my favorite fics of yours are Maybe Some Things Are That Simple and Not Your Sacrifice. Wholesomeness, heartbreak, and Xion: my three favorite things)

3. What’s a fic idea that you have but haven’t written yet?

there's a few of these floating around but the most well developed is probably my Nobody Ven AU

so the short version is Castle Oblivion gets a little confused and ends up letting Naminé into the Chamber of Waking, because the Castle was activated to keep a keyblade wielder safe, and Naminé—who has keyblade potential via Kairi—is very much not safe. it then mistakes Xemnas for Terra and lets him find Waking, with both Naminé and Ven inside. Ven's heart is occupied with Sora things (or I guess it'd be Roxas things at this point) but Xemnas is able to wake him up without it, i.e. as a nobody. and since the Organization happens to be two members short after Marluxia and Larxene's betrayal...

(side note: do you know how hard it is to come up with a good Organization name for Ventus? it's hard. it's quite easy to find bad ones though! I ultimately settled on Sunvext, which I do really like but really ended up going with because it's the only reasonable option I found in however long I spent looking for one)

anyway, my goal with this AU is a lot of character exploration, mostly of identity and trauma and how they interact

I want to dive into the identity stuff that comes with Xemnas not being Apprenticenort who was in turn neither Terra nor Xehanort despite being made from both of them. Naminé being around also gives me more options to explore re: Xemnas and the memories he doesn't have, especially since she's been canonically shown to be able to reach out and connect to Terra before he was restored, and that sure has implications when it comes to Xemnas

having Ven's nobody around gives me some interesting things to work with re: him having first had Vanitas's and then Ven's heart both pulled out of him and him trying to figure out what's even left behind for him to be. and also since he's in the Organization, Roxas also being there not only opens up more identity issues but also, Roxas literally passing out from being near Ven's body is a thing

I also want to get Aqua out of the Realm of Darkness. not before she starts losing herself to it, though, because I love exploring Aqua's relationship to darkness whenever I have the chance. but also what is it like to be the only one of your family/friends to have a whole heart? what does it mean when she's technically the only one with darkness in her heart as a result?

plus this opens up the Wayfinder Trio Sibling Dynamic But Slightly to the Left, which raises the question: what happens to an unbreakable connection when you break everything around it but leave the connection intact? they're still a family, in a way; one of them is missing a heart, one of them got possessed and then got amnesia and then became a nobody, and one of them has a heart being overtaken by darkness. but that connection sure was unbreakable

ultimately the whole thing is about trauma and how to heal and recover from it when it's completely changed who you are as a person and learning that you don't owe it to who you were beforehand to try to become them again and figuring out how to move forward as the person you are now

why is literally everything I write about identity issues in some way

9. What’s your favorite line(s) or scene(s) that you have written?

answered here!

18. Recommend someone else fic! (And tag them if they have a tumblr!)

I have a text document I just keep filling with kh fic recs and I just. can't find it for some reason. and I don't want to just leave this ask in limbo where it'll get buried in my drafts and I'll inevitably forget about it, so. rain check on that fic rec instead?