#of people acting like it’s either you enjoy sex and have it frequently or you hate it and you shame everyone who has it like youre a puritan

[gayvampyr]

“queer spaces should be inclusive of people who don’t enjoy sex and who have “strange”, negative or repulsed relationships with sex” and “sex is an important aspect of lgbt community, history, and activism and queer people should be allowed and able to talk freely about sex without stigma or shame” are ideas that can and should coexist.

[noahideahwrites]

Hi! Idk if you still do your X alpha reader hc but..

Can you do one for the Boys of Inuyasha again?? This time maybe How they ( the omegas/the boys ) secretlt like to be Carried by their Alpha?? Would be totes happy if you did this! ^^

How They Like To Be Carried — Inuyasha Omegas

Notes: I'm so sorry it took me this long to answer, the past few months have been wild with university and personal issues. But I'm gonna try and be more consistent, at least while I'm on summer break.

Warnings: Possible spoilers (principally on Naraku's), grammar mistakes, implied sex, and suggestive content

— Inuyasha:

»» As we all know this guy is a major tsundere, so he will deny and complain about you carrying him, even if deep down he loves it. You need to learn how to read his signs, similar to a dog's body language.

»» Now I'm a fan of making him flustered, so I would recommend doing it in front of his friends for a good laugh. But you need to keep in mind that he will not like you carrying him in front of others (who aren't his friends), principally if they're the enemy, even worse if it's Sesshomaru.

»» The guy has to keep his tough persona up and look intimidating, he cannot do it if he is red while you carry him. If you keep in mind those details, then you should be fine.

»» Inuyasha likes to be carried in any way, be on your back, shoulder and princess carried just to name a few, For him it doesn't matter how, as long as it's you doing it.

— Sesshomaru: 

»» There is only one way Sesshomaru likes to be carried and it's princess style, which can be surprising considering his personality and cold demeanor.

»» But for his alpha, Sesshomaru does and enjoys things he didn't think it would be possible for him to even consider. We have to remember that this guy is obsessed with his alpha, so he can tolerate a lot of things.

»» For you to even be able to carry him there can be only three people seeing, you, him, and maybe Rin, since she is your pup now. If even Jakin is present to see it, the moment you think of carrying him, he's gone.

»» The moment you're going to carry him the most is during aftercare, he loves to be pampered, principally after sex, so expect to be carrying him a lot after the act.

— Tōga: 

»» Tōga LOVES being carried, he doesn't care who sees it, or if people will start gossiping, or if he will embarrass his pups for being seen with you two.

»» He is also shameless, so he will ask you to carry him whenever he feels like it, and he will be smiling ear to ear and purring loudly, this man doesn't give a fuck.

»» He also loves carrying you, his alpha that he is really, REALLY obsessed with. If you don't like being carried he will only do it in the privacy of your home with only your pups to see.

»» Another frequent sight is Tōga carrying your pups around, doesn't matter their age, if they let him he will be seen just picking them up and walking around. But if they don't like it, it will be the same as when he does it to you.

»» Just like Sesshomaru he prefers the princess carry style, but he is not picky and will accept being carried in any way, shape, or form.

— Kōga: 

»» Absolutly HATES being carried with a passion, but loves carrying you. Don't even try to argue is not gonna work.

»» Every time you try to carry him, he does the uno reverse card and carries you instead. But you can feel the almost unnoticeable purrs he gives when carrying you.

»» Honestly, if you don't like being carried either just stop trying to carry him and you should be fine, he won't normally go out of his way to carry you around.

»» The only moment you will be carried no questions asked and without you initiating it, it's if you need to escape for whatever reason since he is faster than most if not all with the jewel shards.

— Bankotsu: 

»» This guy is the most neutral of all of them, he truly doesn't mind being carried, but it's also not something he likes, it's just indifferent.

»» Now, he does like teasing you when you go to carry him, saying something along the lines of "You really can't control yourself, huh?", he will make comments like this until you start blushing, this is the only part he actually likes about it.

»» But I feel like he is provocative to his alpha doesn't matter the occasion, it's just that you make it so easy when you like carrying him so much.

»» If he had to pick a style on being carried it would be a piggyback ride, he gets easy access to your ear, he can easily free himself if the need arrives and he can even provoke you if he feels like it.

— Naraku: 

»» ABSOLUTELY NOT, hates even the idea of it and hates even more thinking of carrying you, he just despises the carrying altogether.

»» How he goes about it depends on if it's just Onigumo that loves you or if Naraku as a whole loves you. If it's just Onigumo you won't even have many opportunities to even think about it after the first offer, he will cut you off and maybe even avoid you.

»» If the entirety of Naraku loves you, then it's another story. He still hates the thought of it, but the way he acts about it it's different.

»» Either he lets you carry one of his incarnations/clones, or he will try to distract you with other things, considering the way he is if he didn't accept on the first ask, I recommend not trying again if you want to live.

[ventisslut]

Rambling about Venti under the cut. Safe for work but one mention of being horny. Mostly about his sad life lmaoo. You may not agree with what i say here but i think this turned out to be a pretty solid post analysing his current life and loneliness. Not proof read so ignore any punctuation errors and typos.

A weird headcanon that keeps occuring to me is that Venti gets horny frequently but he ends up just taking care of it himself or just straight up ignores it, because in reality he is so lonely and isn't one for casual hook ups or one night stands, he craves a deep romantic connection. Sex is very intimate for him and he doesn't want it to be with random people.

Sure, he is quite popular as a bard, very social too, has lots of friends. But after the party ends and everyone heads home...he is left alone. He doesn't have someone, a partner, or a family waiting for him. The thing about total freedom is that...it's lonely. He travels often, doesn't stay anywhere long enough to form meaningful and deep connections, not that a 2,600 year old deity walking around as his dead friend can have much in common with mortals anyways so he doesn't really "click" with anyone either.

He is touch-starved. He got used to it for sure, and does enjoy the solitude to some degree.. but he does wish he had someone who could be there for him, someone who's lifespan matched his unending one, someone who'd take care of him, drag him home, look out for him, and wait for him, with a place to call "home". A place he can return to after traveling for days, to a partner, a warm bed and a warm meal. He craves that domestic comfort and love.

He surprisingly doesn't get many suitors either because most people avoid approaching him in that manner from how young he looks, and people tend to immediately assume he is a minor from his baby face and rather petite figure. I'm sure a few youngsters get puppy crushes on him from time to time, but seeing (assuming) as how traditional family structures are in Mondstadt i doubt anyone would want or allow their daughter/son to date a drunk bard anyways. Weirdly enough I don't feel like he'd be comfortable with dating one of his own citizens anyways since he considers them to be his own children.

When you actually get in a relationship with him, for all the romantic advice he gives to people during the windblume festivals he is unsure of how to act at first. It's been too long since he had an actual partner, and he doesn't want to scare you away or make you feel suffocated, but he really needs that physical connection, that reassurance that you wont be going anywhere, that he wont be left alone to deal with the silence on his own again, that you really do love him as he loves you. As time goes on and he gets comfortable in a moderate pace (depending on how you act). He gets more clingy. A hesitant hand resting on your waist turns to his arm wrapping around your waist. The awkward brushing of your shoulders when you stand next to one another turns to his arm linked to yours, or your hands interwining with one another. Refuses to let you out of the bed often, holding onto you.

The floodgates open really, he's pent up and frustrated both sexually and emotionally, and he doesn't even know what to do with it all or how to relieve himself without overwhelming you. He wants to make the most of the time you two spend together while you can, because he knows anything can happen in Teyvat, and you could be separated one day.

[piggledy-higgledy]

As anyone who’s been looking at my page semi-frequently will have noticed, I am a big Richard Armitage fan. Mostly in love with his portrayal of Gisborne in BBC’s Robin Hood, but I also enjoy most of his other work and consider him a very talented actor (and a very sweet person from what we can tell.)

There has been a lot of furore lately about his latest project, “Obsession” (a series unfortunately promoted as an erotic thriller by Netflix), which is a remake of 1992 film “Damage” (with Jeremy Irons and Juliette Binoche) and based on the book by Josephine Hart. He portrays William Farrow, a married, middle aged, successful surgeon, who has an affair with his son’s fiancé, Anna (Charlie Murphy) -an affair so obsessive that it costs him everything: his career, his family, his son’s life, even his own self (more on that later.) The series features a lot of sex scenes, very light BDSM elements, and a LOT of nudity from RA on a level most fans never thought we’d see (RA being famously private and modest.) The fandom has been divided over this, with some looking forward to it and some being sure it’s not for them at all. From what I can tell (and I might be wrong) most people were put off by either the copious amounts of sex (and the trailer leaned very heavily on that) or the unsavoury morals of the main characters. Which is fair, if it’s not your cup of tea, don’t watch it.

I *did* watch it, and because opinions have been so strong, I wanted to share my thoughts. No disrespect if you prefer to pass. I hope it might be helpful for anyone on the fence and still making up their mind whether to watch or not. Happy to chat more about it if anyone likes! There WILL be spoilers.

Before watching it

I have personally felt very intrigued about this series and I was excited about watching it. Not so much because of the nudity or explicit scenes -or, rather, because of them, but not in the way you might think. Richard Armitage has played very, very few roles where he was primarily the romantic lead, and none later in his career. He tends to be cast in active roles, a lot of dark, violent characters, tense action. When there is romance it’s not the main aspect being explored. And he has NEVER (with the notable exception of Between the Sheets, which was so early in his career I doubt he necessarily had much choice to turn down work) done anything close to this level of sexual screen time. Why now? What made this different? I really wanted to know.

There was another reason I really wanted to watch Obsession. What Richard Armitage does best, in my opinion, is give characters depth (even characters that were clearly not written that way *cough* *Guy* *cough*). He is an incredibly detailed actor and uses his face and eyes to a stunning degree to convey things that go far beyond the dialogue. He has spoken about how he creates complete backstories for all his characters. This project is literally made for his type of acting. There is hardly any action, and leagues of unspoken material. RA called it “one of the most fulfilling pieces of work he’s ever done”. I needed to see why.

After watching it

I binged all 4 episodes in one night. And then again the next morning. And again today. I finished the first episode and thought “Yes, I understand why he wanted to do this.” (He also said in an interview that there was a moment in one scene that he’d never achieved before on film. Having watched this, I believe him.) Is this the kind of series I’d normally gravitate to? No. But I’m glad I watched it. Every single actor was incredible. The filming was beautiful. I just… don’t know where to start.

The story:

In my opinion “Obsession” is not about infidelity or sexual exploration -it’s about William and Anna’s experience with obsession and addiction. Anna isn’t just having an affair. She is addicted to being in control and to using sex as a means of asserting that control. (We learn that she had a brother who sexually abused her for years and committed suicide when she finally put a stop to it. And throughout the series, she reacts to strong emotions by initiating sex. Charlie Murphy described the character as a “dominant submissive” and that’s spot on, not just in the way that she sets the rules and boundaries of their sexual relationship, but in the way that, having been abused, asserts her control on the situation she had to submit to as a young girl by controlling when and how she submitted). William is not just having an affair. He is obsessed and addicted to Anna to the point that it completely deconstructs him as a person. He is the counterpoint to Anna’s character, in that he has no control. He doesn’t initiate, he doesn’t resist, he can’t or won’t control his reactions or his impulses and he completely loses control of his life as a result of his actions. In the final episode Jay, the son, discovers the affair and in shock, falls off a railing to his death. There is a scene where William faces his wife after everything is revealed and watching Richard Armitage convey all those emotions without saying a word is some of the best acting I’ve seen in my life. I don’t know what part of himself RA drew from to act the guilt and grief and absolute devastation in that scene but it was… amazing and heartbreaking. Even then, the obsession wins. When Jay dies, we see Anna walking away while William cradles the body of his son, paying her very little attention. I completely believe that he is broken in the scenes that follow. But after a few days the addiction takes over and he still seeks out Anna, convinced they can now be together (“there’s no version of this with just you,” she’d told him earlier on, but he clearly thinks otherwise). And we get the following:

W: … I let uncertainty in. (NB: What is uncertainty but lack of control?)

A: And look what happened. I don’t think… we can ever separate who we are from what we’ve done.

W: But… we can’t let it all be for nothing either (NB: William’s voice breaks here. He’s lost everything he ever cared about, she’s the only thing left. Does this phrase mean he thinks there was depth in their affair? Or does it mean that he is looking for meaning and depth so that he can cope with the fact that he sacrificed everything for an obsession and an addiction?)

A: Jay died because of us.

W: Still I wouldn’t change it (TNB: THIS! This phrase upset so many viewers! And of course it did, it was supposed to. The acting is, again, amazing. This isn’t said to Anna, this is introspection. William is looking inside himself, realises he wouldn’t change it, realises how much of himself he’s lost.)

A: You don’t regret it?

W: How can I?

A: We caused so much pain

W: But it’s done now.

A: I am so sorry for what happened. But I wish we’d never met. (She walks away, leaving William sobbing. Because there. is. nothing. left.)

The sex:

I hate that this was marketed as a sexy series because it created all sorts of hype and expectations that were misplaced imo. The story was never about the sex. Morgan Lloyd Malcolm said a couple of days ago on Twitter that it’s about “sitting in the discomfort of human behaviours” and that is spot on. Like I said above, this is a story of addiction. Anna is not addicted to the sex -she is addicted to using sex for control. That’s why Anna and William never kiss (she is the one controlling their physical interactions. William leans in to kiss her in many scenes, she never lets him.) That’s why the music is so jarring in all the sex scenes. That’s why there’s no foreplay, that’s why William never lasts long. That’s why they only ever have sex on the floor or in public, never in a safe, comfortable place like a bed. They are not comfortable. This is not a comfortable situation. We, as viewers, are supposed to be uncomfortable. The infamous hotel pillow scene was meant to demonstrate the turning point in William’s addiction, the complete loss of control, I think. It was never supposed to be funny or sexy -it was meant to disturb us because this intelligent, cultured, previously collected man becomes completely animalistic. Which is why he sobs afterwards -I think this is the point when William realises that (as Ingrid puts it later) “he is lost to her”. William’s face after their first sexual encounter is the face of a man under the influence. When she gets up to leave he makes this movement with his fingers like he is trying to hold on to her, but only grabs air. It’s just a twitch -but it’s Richard Armitage and we know how detailed he is in his acting, and I am sure it was a gesture with meaning.

The intimate scenes in Obsession are sometimes sensual, sometimes uncomfortable, sometimes genuinely hard to watch but never gratuitous.

Why a fan of Richard Armitage or anyone writing for his characters should watch it:

Again, you do you, but hear me out: This series is a veritable treasure trove of body language, voice/cadence, facial expressions that you can then apply to your favourite RA character. The longing. The conflict. The loss of control. The vulnerability. The eye contact. The fact that the lover’s name is Anna, which is also my name. Also, I’m being completely serious when I say that this is some of the best acting I’ve seen him do *ever*. If you can only bring yourself to watch parts of it, do that. There were some scenes that genuinely made me tear up. Look after yourself, respect your boundaries, but sample what you can because it’s a veritable banquet.

PS: I am focusing on Richard Armitage for this review because I came to Obsession from that fandom. But every single actor gives an amazing performance. I especially adored Charlie Murphy as Anna, Indira Varma being astounding as Ingrid and the criminally underrated Marion Bailey as Anna’s mother, Elizabeth, who packs SO MUCH into so few scenes.

[anaid-queen]

thoughts on Astarion and asexuality

by a certified asexual ✌

yes, Astarion confirmed during Act II that he's only ever used sex as a tool (for as long as he's been a vampire anyway, which we learn later has been more than 80% of his life so far), either for his master because he was forced to or (more recently) for himself - to seek protection and trust, from you. he literally compares it to something disgusting to force himself through. but does that mean he's asexual?

yes, he talks about sex feeling "tainted" to him after he used it so much to lure Cazador's victims (and apparently, not just because it usually worked, but because he had to..? he doesn't specify, but lbr i wouldn't put it past the bastard to make it a rule of some kind, especially if he picked up on Astarion disliking it), but he also talks about being less disgusted by (quote) "beautiful" people (though he also conceded that in the sum of it all, that barely even mattered).

and he jokes about it being "almost [...] a challenge" to not have sex for a while (though it's unclear whether he thinks the player wouldn't be able to hold out, since it's supposed to be on his (Astarion's) terms?), and by the end of the romance arc, you can choose to have sex with him again and he'll enjoy it. all in all, it mostly really sounds like he's deeply traumatized (i mean duh, but yk, also sexually traumatized) and just needs a while to work through that (if you don't give him that time he'll go through with it once more but then break up with you, fyi)) and not like he actually doesn't enjoy sex, never has never will.

i know he was not written as asexual.

[ and yes i also know that asexuality doesn't mean having no desire for / feeling disgusted by sex, i know. but the day ace rep is portrayed any differently in media is still ages away, so i'm working with "character intentionally written as ace = character written as not enjoying sex" here. ]

But.

is it so wrong to feel elated at the thought that he could be? to interpret him that way? especially when he says "I don't think I want you to think of me in terms of sex. I don't know if I want anyone to." (and says the second part so softly, eyes downcast, utterly devoid of theatrics or feigned nonchalance - almost like he's surprising himself with that thought, and voicing it openly). I felt that so much. upon you inquiring further, he snaps almost defensively that he wants to be seen as a person, which i know, i know, easily works back into the trauma narrative of him not being seen as a living (well yk) being that has feelings. it clearly doesn't necessarily mean he dislikes being seen as a sexual being, just that he's more than that and is sick and tired of being reduced to it.

but something still jumped in me at that line. 'please don't look at me and think of sex' is a frequent thought in my mind, and looking at me and thinking of seduction is a joke and a half - i don't dress it behave it or talk it, ever. but nonetheless, the... fear, almost? is still there. (and maybe the very reason i take care not to send any contradictory signals, but that's a topic for a whole 'nother post - this isn't about me).

i just. do i think Astarion was intentionally written as asexual? no. do i think he should be, and that there's something wrong with seeing him or preferring him as allo? absolutely not either! but i believe just as much that it's valid to read him or prefer him as ace. and yk, obv everything is valid, canon is your sandbox and your headcanons are your own - but in this case, it's really, really close to being in the text. he resonates with a lot of us, one way or another, and i think that's beautiful.

[cock-holliday]

Crazy that we can't send asks from side blogs still in the year of our Tumblr 2023, but re: your tags on my ask: YEAH YOU GET IT.

There's a distinct difference between acting in self defense/needing to protect oneself and others in the face of active violence being inflicted against you and just general revolutionary leftist bloodlust. Like, speaking as someone who both had his feet on the ground and was an at home lifeline for folks on the ground in 2020, I'm explicitly talking about how non-violence and deradicalization efforts should come before the latter, not necessarily the former (imo)

- ftmtftm

So my response went on for ten thousand years so I’m putting it below a readmore under the title of My Thesis on Violence:

Mm speaking from my own experience in 2020 and a good long while before, I think non-violence and violence depend on one another and all these concepts are super subjective. Non-violence doesn’t really work without the looming possibility of violence. Violence without restraint or consideration is dangerous to more than just your enemy.

Ultimately, I think we may differ a bit on what we consider justified or useful violence, and I get the sense I am a good bit more pro-violence than you. I do not think that necessarily makes for a bad combination, as I imagine there is quite a spectrum of opinion on what is “defense,” what is “justified,” and I think “deserves” is a horrible metric to measure anything against.

I am wholeheartedly, one hundred and ten percent against the death penalty. That doesn’t mean I don’t think killing is justified. I think in some cases, too much action is reactive and not pro-active, but then less people are inclined to find that action to be “defensive” or “justified.”

I think many people would agree, even the nonviolent, that if a white supremacist started shooting into a crowd and someone shot back, that shooting was “self-defense.” Would as many find it self-defense if a leftist tracked down a nazi and killed him in his home?

Freddie Oversteegen was a dutch resistance fighter during WW2. There are lots of heroic stories of people hiding Jews, destroying documents, smuggling supplies and people, and blowing up infrastructure. Freddie and her sister? They would flirt with nazis and lead them into the woods for the prospect of sex and then murder them. They also would ride their bicycles past isolated soldiers on the road and kill them. Are these murders defensive, yes or no? Either way, are they justified?

In Germany, an anarchist and her cohorts have been put on trial for having tracked down and beaten neo-nazis. In Germany, France, Greece, England, Scotland, and countless other countries, entire gangs circulated around football/soccer track down and offer nazi ass-beatings. I have found in my experience that the threat of death or an ass beating also pushes nazis out of the circles and away from their groups. Or makes them think twice about their activities.

One good punch to the face pushed Richard Spencer into obscurity, and he became a joke in right wing circles. In groups that circle around domination and superiority, being made to look weak to your peers is a fast-track to ousting.

I have been able to enjoy being as safe from nazis as I have been because when WW2 ended, antifash skinheads, gangs, anarchists, communists, groups like The Red Warriors, and random guys with baseball bats fought them in the streets and in their homes and made them regret hosting meetings. Their history is erased, yet I benefit from it.

The thing is, the only way someone stops being a nazi is de-radicalization or death. I am of the opinion that anyone who wants to renounce their ways and change their path should get the chance. I don’t think it’s a matter of deserving. I don’t think deserving matters, because who I think deserves what will differ from any fellow member of the struggle. I think chances should be given as frequently as possible. Because in my view, it should not be a question between doing nothing or de-radicalizing the nazi. The options are de-radicalize or kill them.

The same, essentially, can be said of cops. A cop would argue anyone who shoots at them is the aggressor and anything the cop does back is defense. I disagree. The cop’s position is already one of attack by his mere existence. A squad car of cops getting blown up will never incur my condemnation nor sympathy. And any cop who wants to quit and renounce his ways should be given the chance.

If a cop was dying in front of me and I alone could save him, I would do absolutely nothing to help. But I also would not fault a medic for rushing to save them either. I don’t find it a weakness, I find it a mercy I was unwilling to dole out.

Nonviolence and de-radicalization have to be acts of mercy not pitiful pleas. The state does not fear non-violence, and they will use it as justification for their own violence just as quick as actual violence, as I and countless others bear the scars to prove. Injustice is violence. Hell, the state itself is violence but that’s a whole other conversation.

Nonviolent marches are good for 3 things: garnering public sympathy, getting a gauge of numbers and showing strength with numbers, connecting people to groups after the event. That’s it.

Non-violence on its own does not change the minds of politicians. Or at least not enough to matter. The passing of legislature, the changing of laws, the shift in social conditions comes from viewing non-violence as the option that keeps those in power safe from violence.

The biggest piece of law regarding labor law in the United States was not passed because of polite bargaining, it was because tycoons and their families were being killed and factories were getting blown up, so sure, we can concede to the petitioners, it is safer.

I do not come from the region of the Coal Wars, from the state with the Homestead Strikes, from a family that escaped slaughter in Europe to think that violence does not have a central place in my politics and my privileges.

It is fitting to have this conversation right now, because the founder of the March of Return, a peaceful demonstration by Palestinians in 2018 where thousands upon thousands of unarmed civilians marched up to the border wall and were massacred by the IOF, has had his family targeted and killed, and now is fighting to stay alive after being bombed.

I think a lot of condemnation of violence is completely needless. I think a lot of what is seen as fetishizing the Revolution is a spark igniting in the fighting spirit of people. Now, my actual issues of fetishizing the Revolution comes from three places: 1. being so in love with the idea of a TV Revolution that you sit and wait for that moment to happen instead of participating. 2. Violence as a cover for domination. 3. Delighting in the idea of becoming the head of the state rather than dismantling it.

The first is pretty self-explanatory. For the second, there are plenty of leftists, often tankies, flexing their antisemitism real hard and pretending it’s liberatory. I cannot express how disappointing it was to be told that everything was just leftist infighting and there was no reason to be concerned about tankies vs anarkiddies, it’s all useless…only to watch groups of leftists cheer on Russian aggression or pretend it was to cleanse Ukraine of nazis. Or watch Nazbols become emboldened by the conflict and invasion. Or deal with the consequences of leftists who will wield the cops against others. For #3, pieces like Against the Logic of the Guillotine sum up how terrifying it is for many groups of leftists to be delighted in the prospect of deciding who gets the guillotine or the wall or the gulag—concepts that will only lead to greater abuse and oppression.

I am against all carceral violence, punitive violence, state violence. The concept of a body sitting down in little suits and calmly carrying out a death sentence on anyone is infinitely more violent to me than blowing up a nazi’s house. Frankly, an eviction where the tenant is calmly lead away from their home is as violent to me as the tenant shooting back at the cops coming to take them away. I do not ever want to replicate the magnitude of calculated violence that a state can produce, nor do I want to be an arbiter for it.

All in all I think violence has a central place in resistence movements of any scale and I think it is too hairy to decide what all is justified, and even in the face of unjustified actions by some I can’t say that I’d condemn a movement for it, even while challenging members of that movement.

I think nonviolence has to be a hand you are extending not because you fear violence as an option but because you don’t.

Not everyone has to be comfortable with violence themselves, but should not needlessly impede violence that is justified or defensive or however you like to frame it. When nazis are on a stage emboldening violence, I think it is not only excusable but required for violence to be an answer. They should be dragged off the stage and get their ass beat. Chants do not make them rethink their stance. Hand-painted signs do not. Violence also may not, but they’ll think twice before showing up again.

I do also sometimes have to laugh at the hypocrisy of those that consider themselves nonviolent who wield a type of violence against the violent you disagree with. In crowds combatting nazis, ‘leaders’ have tried to hand over ‘outside agitators’ to the cops. This is violence. In my opinion, it is much more violent than what was going to happen to that nazi.

On the flip side, many instances of nonviolence are necessary extensions of redemption, and also shouldn’t be impeded or framed as weakness. The very same nazis whose assbeatings I advocate for should absolutely be welcome to utilize de-radicalization resources. No one owes them anything, but they should not be turned away from trying. Again and again and again the offer should stand that they can change their mind and end it peacefully. Can change their ways and stop this. Can be a champion of the people they have hurt.

Because if they don’t, I will not spare a shred of sympathy if someone kills them.

Some pieces on this stance I really like:

This Nonviolent Stuff’ll Get You Killed pdf

Learning from Ferguson

[r0-boat]

The cosplayer moonlighting werewolf!!

Eden Lowell

(thank you to the very lovely @peachypede who made Eden so very pretty!!)

Name: Eden Lowell

nickname: Evie, Lu

Online name: LunaOrbitz

Sex&Gender: Female She/Her

Species: Lycan

Age: 21-24

Birthday: August 5

Height: 5,11

Wolf: 6,0

Likes: White chocolate, cosplay/ fashion, video games, sports.

Dislikes: vegetables, small allergy to chocolate, full 8 hours of sleep,

Quick Description:

Holt and Cole's younger sister. A cosplayer streamer internet star. Popular with young women due to her handsome, princely appearance. Despite air androgynous appearance she is comfortable with her gender and sex. She does not mind at all that people frequently confused her for the opposite sex in fact she quite enjoys it.

Personality:

Cheeky, it likes to tease and is a little bit of a flirt, but can be chivalrous and polite. She's headstrong and stubborn as hell unlike her quick to anger Brothers, She's always calm and collected. Wearing a cocky smirk as she beats their ass in every video game.

Appearance:

Human:

Short, well-kept dark red hair (almost black), red eyes. Lean well-built body. Flat chested with surgery scars. Always well dressed (prefers men's clothing)

Wolf:

Smallest wolf form of the three. At first glance it looks like she has black fur but it's actually a dark red. While her will form can stand on two legs and run on two legs, she prefers to be on all fours most of the time.

Extra:

Her and her father don't really have a good relationship despite her looking most like her father.

Always the one who stands up to her father when her brothers are scared to do so.

Eden wants humans in hybrids to live in harmony and she thinks that hybrids that are considered dangerous to humans are misunderstood. At the same time she is afraid to out herself as a werewolf because of how her fans and general society will view her.

She makes sure to collab with a lot of content creators who are hybrids.

Her channel content is consisted of mostly either gaming cosplay with a little drop of makeup and voice acting and covers (ASMR as a treat)

She is very aware and endorses it of how many people are thirsty for her as long as they are not weird about it.

[lavenderbexlatte]

day 14: anonymous sex

monsta x 1.9k words gender neutral reader insert Reader x Chae Hyungwon NSFW

🖤 warnings: music as a form of intimacy(?), anonymous sexual encounter, public sex🖤

kinktober masterlist

connect with me! / masterlist

You don’t like EDM.

Or, no, it’s not that you dislike it, necessarily. You’ve just never counted the genre among your favorites. It’s unavoidable, though, as the soundtrack of choice for festivals, clubs, and TikToks alike.

And concerts, as you’re discovering tonight.

This is supposed to be a pop-rock kind of show, some band that your friend recommended, playing at a dingy little venue downtown that you frequented as a student. You were younger then, looser with the amount you drank, less concerned with the music playing and much more concerned with meeting someone cute in the crowd to take home (or, far more realistically, to just fantasize about with your friends). Bagging the lead singer for one wild night, meeting your soulmate among the sweaty throngs of moshing music fans…you’ve imagined it all, drunk and ridiculous with your friends.

But now, older and less patient and looking for a simple solo night out with good music and a reasonable number of alcoholic beverages, you’re slightly dismayed to learn that the first act you’ll have to sit through before the headlining band is a DJ.

A DJ. Not even another, lesser-known rock group. But a DJ.

It’s your own fault, you reason, for not checking the ticket listing more carefully, or scrutinizing the posters on the way in. You could have arrived later, missed the opener, and taken your time getting ready.

But you snagged a rare high-top table along the side of the open floor, which is exceptionally good luck, so maybe you’re better off having come early, after all. You’re comfortable, perched on a stool, slightly taller and far more relaxed than the milling groups of people standing around, the brave souls already crushed a few rows deep against the front barrier along the stage.

Even if you have to sit through some DJ’s lame-ass set.

Your interest is piqued, though only slightly, when the lights dim and the DJ himself walks onstage.

He’s kind of unassuming at first glance, just a tall guy in a dark hoodie and a brightly-colored jacket overtop. Even when he faces the crowd from behind his setup, he doesn’t look like much. A mop of dark hair, a small delicate face barely visible under the drooping hood of his sweatshirt.

He kind of reminds you of a turtle, if you’re being honest. The slight point to his thick (…pretty) upper lip gives him a slightly reptilian look, complete with dark tired eyes and a kind of slow precision to his movements.

He introduces himself as DJ H. ONE, which strikes you as kind of funny.

Most DJs would take the beginning of their set to plug their socials, try to hype the crowd, or do something else equally as embarrassing, but he doesn’t. No, he just gets into it, hands right at the turntables, skittering across the laptop that he carried onstage with him.

The music’s not terrible, either.

You still don’t like EDM much, though, so rather than dancing like some of the more excited people at the front of the crowd are doing, you’re just sitting there. Enjoying yourself, sure, but not exactly partying. You’ll be happier when the band comes out.

“You’re so hot!”

The call ringing up from the front row surprises you, and it seems to surprise the DJ just as much. But his bemusement passes quickly, and with a strikingly charming half-smile, he pushes the hood off and shakes out his dark hair.

He…is kind of hot, isn’t he?

It’s a small venue, and under the harsh spotlight you can clearly see how the semicircles of eyesmile stand out on his face. He’s relaxed a little bit now, it seems, as he bounces more intently to the beat that he’s manipulating, bobbing his head to the staccato bass.

The DJ’s gaze passes over the front-row crowd, the equal-opportunity party people who are getting down to his music, and then.

And then he looks at you.

He looks at you, he meets your eye, and he pauses.

You can’t figure out why, for a moment – you don’t know each other, you’ve never met, and after a quick glance downward you conclude that nothing Is noticeably wrong with your outfit – until it dawns on you.

You’re here alone, you stand out from the crowd because you’re sitting rather than standing, and you aren’t dancing. Friends have told you before that you’re capable of some intense resting bitch face, and you’ve probably been aiming it directly at the guy as you scrutinize his good looks and his musical aptitude.

He’s looking right at you, eyes unreadable even as his hands keep working the keys and knobs. He doesn’t seem offended by your lack of reaction. Rather, it seems like curiosity.

He breaks the eye contact, focus returning to the task at hand. He tilts his head to the side, telegraphing his careful consideration.

The song changes, the hard beat he’d been throwing down melting away into something smoother, more melodic, an R&B kind of sway. A few whoops of approval come up from the crowd, taking in the new atmosphere.

But the DJ simply looks back at you.

There’s a question in the shrug of his shoulders, and you’re a little self-conscious that he’s even asking.

This is better, you have to admit to yourself. The sultry slow jams are usually your pick over the loud club bangers, hence your general disinterest in EDM. But this guy is playing a game, and you can’t let him win so easily.

You cross your arms over your chest, and you fix him with a flat look. You can’t help the grin that creeps onto your face, though, as he takes in your stubborn dismissal and nods resolutely.

The music changes again, and this time it’s reggaeton.

You laugh.

Why this DJ has decided that pleasing one particular audience member is his main priority for the night, you can’t fathom. But that’s what he’s doing. It’s undoubtable now. He’s trying to get a reaction out of you, feeling out what kind of music you like.

Suddenly, all the fantasies that your younger self had conjured in this very room, the silly and impossible trysts with artists and rockstars, seem very much possible.

You’d laughed at the sudden left turn, but as the DJ smiles at you, baring small even teeth and wrinkling his nose delicately, you shake your head. If he’s looking for music that’s your style, he hasn’t found it.

His set has to be coming to an end, soon. He’s been onstage for nearly 20 minutes, somehow.

He’s still looking at you, eyes gleaming. You raise your bare wrist and tap it, as if showing him a watch face. Time’s up, dude.

The DJ gives you another nod. He grins even wider.

The reggaeton fades away, replaced with the familiar guitar-heavy opening of a song. Even so, it takes you a few bars to recognize exactly what you’re hearing.

When you put it together, you laugh again, harder. It’s a song by the band that you’re here to see that got heavy radio play a few years back, popular enough that even you, a casual fan by the loosest definition, know every word. It’s remixed, of course, but the crowd goes absolutely wild with anticipation. Smart.

The slightly smug look on the DJ’s face makes you want to be contrary for the sake of the game, though, so you shrug through your laughter. It’s a mixed message since you can’t help but sway along to the music, but that’s fine.

He hasn’t spoken for the duration of the set, but as the last chorus of the song comes around, he reaches for the microphone.

“Getting excited?”

His voice is deep, slightly nasal, and tinged with a kind of whine that makes you wonder what other tones he can take on, in other situations.

The crowd whoops back, a little half-hearted, but he grins. “I can tell.”

You’ve never encountered a person of so few words, because he doesn’t say anything else as he taps and mixes his way through the end of the track. And it ends, resounding, as the DJ pulls his hood back up and settles it carelessly over his dark shaggy hair.

“You’ve been great,” he says, leaning into the microphone as he disconnects his laptop from the rest of the system. “Catch you later.”

It’s a casual goodbye, and you’d be a little disappointed to see him go, except for the fact that he sends you another grin and a little nod toward the opposite corner of the room. Toward the backstage access door, you realize.

He can’t be serious.

Despite the daydreams you’ve made in this room over the years, despite your deep fascination with this man and his intentions, you don’t want to look overeager. You really don’t want to go running to the stage door like a teenage groupie, no matter how interesting or cute of a guy is trying to link up.

The stage crew takes away the DJ setup, and lowers the arrangement for the band. The instruments come out, and the lights cycle through a quick test.

And then the headlining band comes on, with no sign of your DJ.

Must not’ve been that serious.

You’ll enjoy the concert, anyway. Comfortable at your high-seater table, with a drink and a good view over the bouncing crowd, you settle in for the rest of the night.

About three songs into the set, there’s a hand on your shoulder. You turn around, expecting a drunk girl doing whatever it is drunk girls do but not-so-secretly hoping-

The DJ.

Smiling, standing there just behind your seat. He says something, but you can’t hear him over the roar of the band. You just regard him for a moment, his pretty face and his dark hoodie.

It would be a shame to lose this prime seat, and even more of a shame to miss the main act that you paid to see.

You stand up, carefully check that you have all your belongings, and you walk toward the exit.

He's behind you, all the way. You can hear his footsteps. But before you can make it to the outside door, there's a hand on your shoulder, slim fingers and heavy rings.

"You actually trying to dip out?" he asks.

"Did you want me to stay?"

He shrugs broad shoulders, peering at you from under his hood. "If you wanted."

It's not even a closet, but a hallway.

Backstage, mostly dark, dingy crushed velvet on the walls. An ill-kempt attempt at luxury, smelling strongly of cigarette smoke and dust.

It feels kind of nice against you, though, as your DJ crowds you between it and himself.

Hurried, is the word for it. His jeans are down just enough, your bottoms moved out of the way. Both of you still fully dressed. There's no time for formalities, no need for more intimacy than this. His attention from the stage was like foreplay, and his fingers up your thigh, between your legs, was even more.

When he buries himself in you, you swear you see stars.

"Don't you wanna tell me your name?" he asks, into your hair.

You wonder wryly if he wants a name to moan. Something to hold onto, while he loses himself in you.

You fix his hoodie on top of his fluffy hair, brush your fingers down his face.

"Ask me next time."

[pxgeturner]

age regression is not always a trauma response and it is not always involuntary. a lot of people enjoy engaging in sex acts while age regressed, when they have already established boundaries and expectations with their partners in advance.

my anon specifically points to reddit communities where there are various examples of this. people state their preferences. some enjoy sex in little space, others do not.

i’m not conflating age regression and age play, but there can be overlap. your experience is not universal, and neither is mine.

the definition of age regression, sweetheart, is an involuntary defense mechanism in which a person reverts to an earlier state of mental development. this response is caused by intense fear or stress. (hm. sounds like a trauma response to me. but how do you define trauma? because intense moments of fear or stress pretty much hits the nail on the head for me.)

children cannot consent to being sexualized. so an adult who is in age re cannot either. age play is completely separate. the people who u pointed out on that subreddit are age players not regressors. they are in subspace, not littlespace. that term is only for age regressors and not submissive age players. yes they both use the term "little" unfortunately. but they have different definition depending on the context. if you ever see me reference littles I will be talking about regressors not ageplayers.

it is true some littles might enjoy age play but not while they are in little space and it is also a thin line to follow as age playing might make then slip into littlespace which can be dangerous. so like I said. a thin line.

it is SO TRUE that there are varying experiences of littlespace because depending on what age you regress back into, your behavior will change. but age-re≠age play. at. all. you are conflating age play and age-re by saying that there is frequent overlap. overlap is very very rare.

I don't like bringing him up, but Sigmund freud, the man who first studied age-regression is rolling in his grave because of the way you're spreading misinformation ❤️. please please do research !

also. if you think it is ok to engage sexually with people in the midst of an age regression episode I would highly suggest you seek out mental health resources near you because that is not healthy. adult littles can totally engage in sex! its fun and healthy! except in littlespace.

[sistervirtue]

truly something hilarious abt ao3 users trying to call ao3 the library of alexandria like. once again do you guys not read nonfiction. as someone who mostly reads nonfiction my life is truly not at all impacted by ao3. also i wouldnt trust ao3 as a source on Any Goddamn Thing, both factually (fun fact: most fic writers are writing self indulgently, so while you can write about ass slick all you want, you cannot call it sex ed) and socially (fanfiction is a niche subculture unrelated to like, how people in real life think and act).

like dont get me wrong. fiction is important culturally i do enjoy fiction frequently before commenting something silly please do take a quick peek through my blog to see that i am not immune to a good time.

but like, i can read about gay people and government suppression and animals and shit. like outside of ao3. ive been really big on contemporary romanian art history and formal analysis lately. you guys should give that one a peek. maybe then you will understand the world is not reliant on tony stark hole to function

you cant have your cake and eat it too either fanfiction is self indulgent hobby work free from the confines of reality and "puritans" (note: that word does not mean what you think it means) or its the backbone of social justice and cultural understanding. you guys have fun figuring that one out im going back to reading The Poison Squad by Deborah Blum.

[divinekangaroo]

Was thinking a bit deeper on @deadendtracks query https://www.tumblr.com/divinekangaroo/740003125539307520/i-clipped-this-from-your-post-because-its-easier?source=share

Snipped for sex talk, and also to spare any disinterested parties my naiveity on complex matters such as: subaltern/Orientalism/exoticism/Othering/ethnic talk etc

In hindsight I think I answered that query as a ‘possible authorial intent’ - speculatively, to subvert the usual gangster trope by displaying macho-ish behaviours (sex! whores!) but flipping motivation and outcome.

But there's also something else that's been churning away at the back of my head, the term subaltern. "the most powerless people living within the socio-economic confines of imperialism" -- and this imperialist overlay that often assigns the devious, deviant, dark, scheming/conniving/machavellian/feminine characteristics to the subaltern man, too, because it is exotic.

I haven't properly structured an argument around this; I feel a lot of T's approach to sex has that almost woman-coded thing to it, as signifiers of an even-further-disadvantaged man. It nags at me and feels that this also ties into this subaltern, semi-'Orientalist' / exotic layer he has as 'lower than the lowest class' / 'actually so low class he's outside of class' Romani character -> less of a stereotype, more of a conscious consideration of "if you have nothing, you will use everything you can, and sometimes that includes your own body, and guess what here's the bind: that kinda puts you even *lower* in the hierarchy, because women are lower than men and only women use their bodies that way!"

Gut instinct, barely unpacked: there's an imperialist/cultural/ethnic trauma that feels like it can't be detached from Tommy's sexuality/approach to sex any more than the hints of childhood trauma or abuse can be, either. Especially when you consider childhood as his closest time still connected to the living Romani culture, as opposed to by the time we see him on screen when his interactions with his culture are static and based on childhood/broken memories. I was initially put off by the Romani layer because it felt like a stereotype - gangs followed ethnic lines so let's just apply an ethnicity that's ~exotic~ - but the later series re-frame the earlier approach into something that shows it was almost never intended to be a representation of the culture but rather, more like Tommy's particular (distorted, damaged) view.

----

But then also answering the personal side of the question RE: Tommy's character. What does it mean for a person/individual to be so transactional and detached from sex yet participatory towards it?

This gets a little more headcanon-y:

T started having sex or being sexualised (seeing/experiencing sex) really young in a less than affectionate way - more like, here is a thing that must be done for some other action to happen (or be diverted).

Because of this, I can’t ever see him permitting himself to perform that ‘hungry to totally surrender his control and desires to someone else’ role so frequently given to him in fanon. What happened with Tatiana was an exception, not a rule. It’s nice to read for various reasons, but I'm unlikely to personally lean into this take. Not to say he's dominating or must be fully in control during sex, either, just that I think he'd avoid leaning into surrender because it'd be like losing total control of a transaction and becoming far too vulnerable.

Despite that I do feel he has an urge for connection/intimacy, I think he struggles with actually connecting deeply with people, reading sexual cues/flirtation or the like. In some ways, he connects too deeply and therefore holds back? I did have thoughts along the asexual line. He likes certain people, and he mostly enjoys the physical act of sex, and these two things can overlap to ‘I would like sex with this certain person’, but there’s a big gap between the two. Deep connection is unrelated to sex. Can't read flirt cues to the point he leapfrogs straight to the 'do you want to fuck?' almost as an abstraction because he can never decode the in-between steps?

Notwithstanding any deep connection, sex is still considered/framed as duty and obligation. His approach with Lizzie in S6 as case in point; he is conscious of his role and considers it a thing that must be performed to satisfy that role. Even S5, it feels like a 'seal the deal' sex exchange; he knows she likes it, she just told him so and that it's important to her, so all right, he's going to let loose.

This difficulty with 'is this connection? not sure?' is one reason why I think he is mostly about family (he can take connection for granted and has had a really really long time to build it). He also has a surprisingly large *respectful* but superficial network (he knows the right behaviours but rarely gets personal), very few close friends (honestly is this just Alfie? Maybe, once, Freddie and Barney? even Johnny Dogs and Uncle Charlie are subordinate). Which lends itself very effectively to leadership, to be honest, but also loneliness: again it feels like he's performing connection.

I really struggle with picturing him feeling much physical attraction without consciously focusing on it. He seems to spark for people (or maybe situations/dynamics - classy women?) not their physical, and when I’m in headcanon mode, it’s familiarity that builds his fondness for certain aspects of a person's physicality, rather than their physicality attracting him initially. So either he wants sex (release) and it's not really relevant who with, or he wants the person and sex is acceptable/better with that person. And there's a conscious switch in his head like, "ok now paying attention to physical attraction because must have sex" or "switch it off not important right now"

[mintys-musings]

rinne thoughts are strong rn hold on. like... agreeing to mutual free use for a few days...

NSFW under cut~!

rinne strikes me as the type of guy to really enjoy messy sex so expect to be cleaning up frequently or at least needing wipes nearby at all times if you both agree to this free use thing

his favourite thing would be prone boning or fucking you while you lay on your side, trying to do something else like watch TV or play games. just seeing you at your most relaxed while he fucks you senseless gets him going

its no surprise he gets horny frequently, but i dont think he's sticking his dick into you himself as much as you think

when he does, he'll leave you drooling, tear stains down your cheeks, sniffling, overstimulated- i mean... you both agreed to free use. he's gonna go all out

what he really likes is just having you sit pretty on his lap while he plays with your body. he'll get you off as many times as you can possibly handle if you get needy, but really he just likes groping you. he likes touching every bit of your body and just massaging you slightly. you'll end up feeling like both a fidget toy and a fleshlight sORRY SGDJDG

would love you overstimulating him. cocky bastard just likes to push his limits. and since you each have free reign over each other, he practically begs for it. please suck him off gently as he softens up again. he wont be soft for long and the feeling of your mouth is like heaven to him

if you somehow are more horny than he is on his most down bad days, he's gonna be the one mind broken by the end of this. he's in love with anyone that could challenge him like that and would keep going until his balls are drained and he's shooting blanks. delirious, drooling, fucked out of his mind rinne amagi is such a yummy image

wouldn't mind if you wanted to peg him, but he's not gonna make it easy. he will be annoying until you fuck him so good he's sprawled out, abs covered in his own cum, and ass destroyed

if you were comfortable with it, he's also the type to pull you to the side the moment he feels even slightly horny in public. fucking in dark alleyways and parks after dark turns him on even more

would encourage you to jack him off under the table if either of you felt the urge at a random restaurant and he'd gladly return the favour.

also adding, big fan of just grabbing your ass in public. has nothing to do with the free use thing. he just likes holding it and having other people see so they know youre with him. he's very protective/possessive hhhhuuuogghhgghmmmnngggh

if you can get pregnant, he's carrying condoms everywhere since ibara would actually kill him if he got someone pregnant. but if you were okay with it, you are getting bred during this free use period. there's no question. he jokes that he needs to make an heir to the village so raise your hips and make sure his seed takes

if you cant- he's still carrying condoms because it's convenient because lube, not leaving a mess in a public location, etc.

slots his dick right between your thighs at night when you both sleep and holds you close

very silly one: basically sometimes during this period you cant tell if he seriously wants to fuck because he'll act like he's in a porn vid. the ones with the bad acting. he's laughing the entire time, but christ you can tell he needs you by the boner he doesn't hide.

[sleepingdeath-light]

yogurt cream smut hcs ; 18+

requested by ; 🐜 anon (22/05/23)

fandom(s) ; cookie run

fandom masterlist(s) ; hub | specific

character(s) ; yogurt cream cookie

outline ; “🐜 anon back at it again

yogurt cream cookie smut headcanons shhdhsjsd”

warning(s) ; sexually explicit content, pillow-prince-esque!yogurt cream, food play, public sex, threesomes

note ; there were so many conflicting translations for the pet names used in this that i ended up just throwing in the towel — they’re all at the very least complimentary so i’m still taking the win here haha

minors and ageless blogs will be blocked

the type of lover who is happy to lay back and let you do all of the work — who is comfortable to stay on the bottom whilst you ride and fuck him, offering only wandering hands and remarks that leave your skin burning

that being said, he does put in the effort when he goes down on you and he’s fucking excellent at it — making full use of his dextrous tongue, soft lips and smooth hands to bring you to the edge over and over again whilst still able to spare the time to tease you (preferably with you mounting his face so he can get comfortable)

big into seeing you in lingerie — especially if it’s sheer, lacy or made of silk

has a pretty high libido and usually doesn’t like starting the day without having at least one round of sleepy morning sex with you if he can help it

enjoys consensual somnophilia and loves waking up to you going down on him — and on the rare occasion that he’s up before you, he’s also generous enough to return the favour by giving you a handjob beneath the sheets

also enjoys things like decorative bondage on you and himself — but he usually prefers to get straight to the sex itself without having to go through the motions of safe bondage

food play is an absolute must with him and most of his wet dreams are repeats of a time where the two of you gave the most decadent basbousa a second life — or the time where you surprised him with a jaw dropping show involving whipped cream, chocolate and strawberries

massive praise kink (giving and receiving)

tends to slip into his native tongue a lot when he’s praising you during foreplay and sex, particularly when it comes to pet names

the ones that he frequents are: ya amar, habib albi, and ya helo

he also calls you these things (and many more) outside of the bedroom, but these pet names in particular tend to slip out quite often in the moment

if anyone catches you having sex then he’s hardly going to mind, more bothered about getting off — or, if you’re clearly uncomfortable, protecting your modesty

in a similar vein he’s not above or opposed to actively having sex or performing sex acts in full view of others — nor with inviting others into the bedroom with you

of course he’d propose inviting people he trusts the most (like lilac cookie) but he’s also up for any suggestions that you have — or just inviting someone new as long as everyone’s having fun and staying safe

he’s up for trying most things at least once as long as it’s (a) not super risky for either of your health and (b) not something that requires him to put in mountains of effort

extremely loud in bed to the extent that if you don’t want others to know what’s going on then you’ll need to gag him once he starts getting close to climax

he has a massive collection of toys from all over the world and organises them by their function (restriction/penetration/vibrating/suction/pain/sensation/etc.) and he’s all too happy to share them with you if you ask

[starchilddante]

On one of my posts about being ace, @crossthread had a question about what I said (no hate, I promise <3) so I thought I'd make a little separate post about it since it requires a bit of a longer explanation than I'm willing to put in a comment lol

Also it's just good to talk about in general!

In the aforementioned post, I talked about how being told "try sex, you might like it" doesn't have anything to do with being ace. To answer the question asked, being ace (I am fully asexual, but there is a spectrum) simply means you do not experience sexual attraction. It's not that sex is necessarily unpleasant or off-putting (tho some ace people feel sex-repulsed) or even that you avoid it. You just don't feel any desire for it either.

And it's different for every ace person, but for me, I wouldn't mind having sex with a partner, but I don't feel any need for it whatsoever. I think the emotional connection is nice, but I don't find people sexually attractive. Sex to me is very similar as eating good food: It's just warm vibes? I'm not sure if that makes sense, but if this helps: for a long time I couldn't understand why someone would be that upset about their partner having sex or kissing someone else, or why people had types. I also tend to view sex in a more practical sense, more clinically than anything else. I don't understand sexual fantasies or one night stands. In my head, sex is just an action and I don't see the point other than to emotionally connect. And if my partner never wanted to have sex, that would be perfectly okay.

Some ace people have sex frequently, whether it's to connect with their partner or just because they enjoy it (I'm pretty sure there's some science somewhere that having sex is like a stress-reliever and has other benefits) to have children, or for many other reasons. Some ace people are sex-repulsed and will never have sex. Some ace people (like me) just don't mind one way or the other and view sex almost in a casual way, like one might view a hobby or activity. I'm never really not in the mood, but I'm never in the mood, either. All ace people are different, not to mention that demisexuals, graysexuals, and lots of others fall under the ace umbrella.

Being ace is often compared to celibacy or having a bad sexual experience that causes you to abstinent, but that is not accurate. Non-asexual celibate people may feel desire/sexual attraction for others, they just choose not to act on it. Asexual people don't feel that attraction. I've never looked at someone (not even when we've been dating) and thought, "This person is hot. I would like to have sex with them." (I know it's not quite like that but you know what I mean lol).

@crossthread, if you are questioning your sexuality, I encourage you to look into not just being ace but all the different sexualities (or lack thereof lol) that fall into the aspec category. You may be surprised to find that you identify with one! If you or anyone else has any more questions, I'd be more than happy to answer them, but also keep in mind that this is just my personal experience being ace and everyone's experiences are different, so I hope you'll also look out for other aspec people's experiences! <3

[seldaryne]

haven't finished the durge pt yet (idc about spoiling anything though that has 0 impact on me enjoying the game fdgh) but i've been thinking Thoughts.

edit okay as i was writing this i went ahead and just read up on the backstory so i could continue my thoughts in a coherent manner lmfao

(lots of info here, apparently ive gotten Very attached to her in the last uh. three weeks give or take. kinda sorta chronological?? idk it makes sense to me lmao)

--

velrith probably definitely only settled on that name in act 2. prior that she was just called whatever people drifted to if they needed her attention. & she didn't really care, having a void for memories will do that to a bitch, but it can make introductions awkward or give them a weird 'im too good to even give you my identity' energy. not super great when paired with someone who doesn't really emote or put a ton of effort into masking tonal inflections. she pointedly allowed other people to do more of the talking as a result for a while & would get roped into conversations that way.

i'd like to go ahead and tie in astarion's frequent use of pet names here to this too. he's got a goal here, and can't just drop a 'hey you' every time he's angling for something. it's easier to fill in the blanks that way & make sure it doesn't come across as cold and calculated as the seduction actually is for a time. of course, the mental gymnastics weren't necessary here. aside from the fact that she's extremely intense about her oath & therefore is legally obligated to send cazador straight to hell on sight, he'd also have the same luck with a low-effort, straightforward 'do you want to have sex?' the lines are... usually fine, never actually crossing boundaries, but she does find a lot of them to be really goddamn weird & unnecessary when the point could be made in less than 10 words.

picture a distraught-looking sighthound & you have the general idea of the face she makes when he lays it on thick. she's giving her best shot at a socially appropriate expression. it's not working.

also on names, she can't say for sure if that's who she was before or if she just pieced together syllables that sounded like Something from memory. again, doesn't really matter either way, since she's not in any hurry to reclaim her former self. it's fine.

ketheric felt straightforward. a tragic figure who she did extend an olive branch towards, but ultimately felt nothing when it came time to bring her blade down (besides, isobel seemed like she knew what she was talking about when velrith confessed [suddenly coming back into her room just to point-blank tell her about the desire to spill her blood] certain thoughts of violence towards the cleric, and it felt like the sort of assurance she should be trusting, right? more than any of her own emotions, anyway.)

gortash gives her the ick. like, there's no other way to describe that one. he actually probably still would even without all the history (and the fact that he needed to repent for what he'd done to karlach), but the slimy over-familiarity was really the nail in the coffin there. velrith isn't smooth nor particularly socially gifted, but she has a certain air of formal pride she carries herself with. acting like you know her better than she does herself (even if it may very well be the truth!) is so beyond an overstep of what she's able to function with. stripping away everything else, if he even tried to touch her casually on the shoulder, he would have been liable to lose that hand.

orin troubles her. for the obvious reasons, but she also just... pities her. almost. pre-tadpole, velrith was honestly relatively similar compared to her current personality. colder and more able to justify slaughter, sure, but still staunchly refusing to compromise her own feelings for social games. she understood how the game pieces moved when she watched other people, even when she was younger, but if asked to copy the same techniques, she was only ever able to bludgeon straight through in a line. consequently, people don't really care how strange you are if you're just that good at your job. orin made a one-sided rivalry out of someone who otherwise just regarded her as a peer in the same arena, and now sees her as someone who wouldn't have been able to take the chance at redemption even if it had been on the table. she was too far gone, unable to stand on her own or cope with the fact that she would always be lesser than someone who genuinely could not have cared less about standings. maybe if velrith had feigned some interest, there wouldn't have been so much hatred. or maybe there would have.

either way, she sees orin in a depressing light. someone who had nothing and no one but the prospect of power, and who crumbled as soon as that chance at power was taken away. to let her live would have been to co-sign on her projecting those emotions outwards. velrith isn't stupid and knows there's a good chance she might have gone the same way if she hadn't been lucky enough to receive her parasite. in another life, she thinks that maybe she could have found a connection, and they might have saved each other (either genuinely or in a twisted version of the word). this isn't a thought she shares with anyone. she thinks about that death and their interactions for a long time afterwards.

her 'normal' childhood sometimes comes to her in fleeting memories that disappear out of her periphery if she focuses too hard. she thinks she liked her parents, and they seemed like nice people from what she can semi-recall. but she can also tell that there's always just been something wrong with her if she compares herself to other people. many of these snippets feature her looking anywhere but at her parents' faces, unable to express herself verbally in a way they could understand (the words were right, they way she used them was... her own, shall we say?). something flipped at some point, and all of the sudden she would stare too much at them, not blinking or looking away at the right moments. they'd seemed to squirm a bit under this. they always seemed a bit sad when they looked at her, as if they'd loved her but she was never quite as they hoped she would be.

she had to be taught what to do during a hug as an older child instead of leaving her arms limp at her sides. she knows that.

she doesn't remember killing them. she doesn't remember how it would have felt to receive her first order or how she was unable to do anything but listen to the violent urges.

there's more guilt for not feeling much towards them than there is for the killing.

the staring hasn't shifted again. she knows she looks at people too hard and/or too long, looks at them dead in the eyes and studies their faces, but she can't help it. one, it's good to be aware and alert. two, looking away doesn't seem to be the answer either. at least this way they know she's paying attention, right?

she thinks she shouldn't care about these things, that it's so ridiculous coming from her blood-soaked past, laughable that she'd wonder what it meant to have people relax in your presence instead of becoming more visibly anxious. but she wants to be good, she really, really does. she wants to be able to join a group like everyone else, slipping seamlessly into their words and laughing how they laugh instead of her own (the faintest of smiles and a soft rush of air running past her lips, blink-and-you'll-miss-it laughter that may as well not exist outside of her head). she doesn't hate herself for these things, because she doesn't know how else to be, but she does wonder. she wants to know what it's like for these things to be easy. bhaal's favourite hadn't been blessed with charisma, apparently.

consequently, she has a very hard time now figuring out how to actually connect with anyone, or what it should feel like to have friends.

it made her somewhat uncomfortable in the beginning to be asked questions by these people on a regular basis. not even personal questions, just things to signal that she existed to them in some capacity. gale remembers when she'd wrinkled her nose at a certain seasoning, and leaves it off her plate when he makes dinner going forward. lae'zel likes how she fights and asks her questions on technique, asking to spar so she could better understand the answers. shadowheart thinks they're alike with similar holes in their memories, and seeks out her company because of it. she doesn't understand, and for a while she even feels a bit suffocated by it. exposure therapy is really the only remedy here.

initially there are some reasonable assumptions on whether she just dislikes them all that much, or if she thinks she's better than them, or some other nasty reason. it takes approximately two conversations with her for everyone to understand that's not the case. it's like speaking to someone who only every studied social behaviour from an incomplete textbook and was visibly struggling to fill in the gaps in real-time. is she scary? yes, a bit. does she stare at you Way too much when you're speaking to her (at her, really, because you will be carrying that conversation until she's gotten her footing)? also yes. but she's really earnestly trying to sort herself out for the sake of the people around her, brain twisting around itself to learn things that were as easy as breathing to most. and it's sort of sweet, in its own way.

over time, she stops simply caring about these people based on her code of ethics. she starts to remember things about them too, her love language starts to show itself through gift-giving at an absolutely glacial pace, but it's noticeable to literally everyone despite that. a small trinket picked up at the market matching shadowheart's usual taste is pressed into her hand with only a nod before velrith is turning on her heel and almost running away. a tome is thrust at wyll with such startling intensity that the kindness actually comes off as a bit of a threat, but she looks visibly relieved when he takes it with a smile. so on and so forth. every incident like this, every blunt display of 'i notice you. i think you would like this. i thought of you today,' is accompanied by a hasty exit. task accomplished, but now the script has run out, so she's doing the same. she also finds it hard to look at people once the exchange has taken place, and is pretty sure this is an affliction only she suffers from.

she's going to push through it anyway, even if it makes her skin feel like its trying to recoil off her bones.

it also comes out in the protection. again, it's expected as a paladin of devotion, but no one is quite prepared for the molten fury that burns in her eyes or the weight of her voice whenever ghosts from the past arise. not only has she sworn her protection to those suffering from harm (and names like orin, gortash, cazador, viconia & more absolutely qualify as those who cause harm), but it feels personal. acting as shield and guillotine is when velrith is truly in her element, standing tall and embodying the virtues laid out in her tenets.

she is fighting internally just as much as externally, pushing back against base instincts to continue her sworn oath. driving her sword through the flesh of the emperor is just as much about defeating him as it is proving to herself that she is still capable of goodness. if she falls here, she can at least die knowing she was dedicated to rebellion until her very last breath.

this does not mean that she actually registers it when people like her, though. in fact, once she pieces together what her true nature is (she hadn't wanted to kick that poor animal, or make a spectacle of that nice bard's corpse, or try to rip out astarion's throat as he slept--but she had done those things, and more, and what's worse, some of them don't even to her like they would anyone else) she's pretty sure that the unanimous, logical choice would be to put her at a distance.

so she braces, prepares, makes peace with returning to the status quo & starts pulling away before staging her little ted talk. jaheira catches her first, though, and it gets to her. she's not spoken much to the woman, but she's... incredibly understanding, actually. so much so that it leaves velrith with a profound ache in her chest when she rolls over and tries to sleep again (jaheira's insistence, and her promise to stand watch all night in case she lost control again). being around jaheira hurts like hell, but she still seeks her out after that incident. she looks at her kindly but doesn't treat her with any more fragility than before. she's good-humoured when answering question after question about bhaalspawn, and stays honest the whole time too. she seeks her out when she isolates as much as she can on the outside of camp, dropping a sack of potatoes at velrith's feet and sitting beside her so that they can peel them in easy silence.

she likes that the most. sometimes it feels like velrith's head is too full; not from the parasite or the echoes of a murderous god, but from--she's not sure, actually, but it makes thinking hard, and speech tends to take a temporary leave as well. no amount of coaxing makes a difference, it'll return when it decides to. that's the bad sort of silence, the type that other people feel like they should fix so that everyone can be comfortable again. except jaheira, who apparently can figure out what she needs before velrith can even process that question. and sometimes, she just needs to peel some potatoes for a bit.

standing before everyone else, she prepares for the logical choice of rejection again. instead, she's greeted with shrugs, support, sympathy, but overall--not much of a change. that's the part that sends her off, only pausing just long enough to take a breath before excusing herself to the surrounding woods. it hurts so damn much, being loved like this. she wonders if any technicalities in her oath actually require her to slay herself at this point, just based on the implications alone. they should be appalled. fearful. cold. and she'd wound herself up so much inside determining this to already be the only end to her confession. bare your soul, lose what you'd only started to ease into, return to your duty.

the other shoe never does drop, though. it's gone so catastrophically well that she can't even make the tears flow properly (she's only done it once before that she remembers, but that should be adequate). instead, her sobs are muffled gasps against her hands, choking on her own confusion as she sinks to the ground, shaking.

of course, this comes out after the "incident", in the underdark, which means astarion has already seen her cry precisely once of something that seemed to her a similar scale. he's got a better handle on it, he'd like to believe, and he can sense that he's being silently volunteered for the 'fetch our bhaalspawn' quest. she's not hard to find either, an ice-white tiefling amongst the greenery with her head hidden in her arms, folded in on herself like she's not worth the weight of her own bones. it's sad, and a little annoying, actually, because if she was to insist that he possessed worth like it was the most obvious fact in the world, like he was strange for not feeling the same way, why shouldn't that same sentiment extend in her direction.

of course, there's little he can say to soothe in a way that matters, he's not going to make that mistake again, but he's at least able to bring her up for air. yes my love, perhaps it is foolish and unwise for any of us to stay around something so dangerous, but that argument can be made in many directions, not just yours. you would be the first among us to dismiss those very notions if they were coming from someone else, and have done so--multiple times, may i add--as bhaalspawn. if there's upset about the reveal, i'm confident that it's more to do with how you feel than anything else.

and really, what's she supposed to do with that aside from break even more (from relief, maybe? tension and fear of rejection that she hadn't known how to recognize, hadn't known she was holding onto? the understanding that this is not just from him, but on behalf of everyone else too?) and crumble into him.

against all odds, she is worthy of loving. despite her bloodline and her personal shortcomings, she is worthy of that much.

nothing in half-measures, as most paladins tend to be. does she remember when or why or even how she took the oath? not even a bit. but it's the only thing in her head when she wakes up on the mind flayer ship, the sole thing she's sure of, the only guiding direction she has. it should be enough to understand right and wrong, but it isn't for her. following the oath is a choice, something she can steady herself on when nothing else makes sense. devotion to her cause of protection, restoring some of the balance in the world that she lost before orin killed her. maybe that was why she lived; something needed her to right some of her sins before death arrived. or maybe a divine power was looking for someone who wouldn't be missed if they were lost in stopping the ithilids.

whatever it is, she does everything in her power to stick to it. until, of course, life happens (as it tends to) and she does something in the underdark. what did she do? she doesn't know, because she thought she was helping--that myconid was going to betray the colony that took him in when he lost all others. she raised her sword when it was clear a scolding wouldn't change his mind. and then... the sinking feeling that something was wrong.

something was missing. the only part of her that felt like it was anything was gone, and for the first time (maybe ever?) she gets emotional. there's no anchor anymore, no calming guide of tenets to follow.

the oathbreaker knight will find her later, she knows. at camp, she's distraught, and the little bit she dared interact goes out the window entirely. there's nothing anyone could actually say that would help, anyway. this does not stop astarion from trying.

glib as ever, were she in a more normal headspace she would have seen the dismissive comment for the hand-waving attempt at comfort it was. he probably knows there's nothing he can actually say to bring her down, but surely a joke (meant to reassure that she would be fine regardless, whether the oath stayed broken or was re-taken, she was competent on the field and he at least trusted her that much) would be alright?

it was not.

for all that he carried, he could not--did not--understand. of course he could be cavalier about it; despite all that was taken from him, he still had his own gods-damned name. he knew who he was, wasn't scrambling to put together fragments of his own ghost just to make some unimpressive small talk like she was. she has not yet chosen her name at this point, and that oath is where she begins & ends as a person.

he's silent when she snaps, unexpected. like a cornered animal about to tear its own leg out of a trap, daring anyone to come closer to 'help' so that they too can be maimed. a total loss for words, even when she stalks off to keep herself from acting out even further (who knows how prone she would be to violence now? not her!), raising her voice for the first time at him in pure grief.

he doesn't really get it, but he understand more in the middle of all that. the pieces click together in his mind, working themselves out during the berating. the gods never answered his cries, and so his outlook remained fairly bleak on the whole pantheon. paladins occupied a space at the opposite end of the spectrum, and he'd assumed that her more uptight habits were an offshoot from that (it's not like she gave him a ton to work with, either. he did his best from what he was allowed to see). for her, there may as well have been no gods involved in any capacity. it was simply the thing that kept her from fracturing entirely, now gone thanks to a misunderstood line in the agreement.

she still refuses to speak to him, even after she's begged for the oath back--she'll be good this time, really, she'll be good, she promises, it won't happen again, please--and received it successfully. she's not talking much to anyone, feeling both too exhausted and over-sensitive to even contemplate that. his apology isn't... good, exactly. but it's honest and that's really all she gives a shit about. things are still weird and cold for a bit, manifesting in a physical distance & reinforcing just how off his initial read on her was. but it's her first real brush with interpersonal conflict, so learning curves are expected. time and circumstance eventually help things settle, with there being bigger things to worry about.

she's quiet during sex. responsive and hyper-aware of her body, definitely, but still restrained. she enjoys the act, however, despite the lack of volume, and this shows through a readiness to explore and feel things. the ability to feel physical pleasure is something that at least seems to be something she has in common with most people. but she's overly permissive too, sometimes uncomfortably so; she's simply not attached enough to her body to have real concerns or strong preferences. at first glance, this seems to be deference, the need to be agreeable in every situation lest she tip the scales too much in her own direction.

he puts his finger on that after the third encounter, and finds himself taking a break from her for a while after as a result (once again, an act that she's absolutely fine with--god, has the thought of challenging him ever even crossed her mind in this department?). Further observation, however, reveals something else. her actions are exploratory. experimental. there's no frame of reference, she needs to establish preferences all over again for this version of herself. in fact, he sees that this extends to other tasks people ask of her as well. every action or accompaniment is met with the same reserved curiosity, considering what's being asked of her before ultimately deciding to try something new. perhaps that was why he felt like he was being intensely studied if he squints.

there's no doubt that she does see him. but she only sees enough to know that she lacks the connections to actually do anything with that. an unbalanced, vexing sort of safety net. (still, there was probably no one better for him to glue himself to than a paladin, and he tells himself that's why he spends so long trying to figure her out. because surely, her motivations can't be as obviously honest as they come across--can they?)

it's only after she tells him on the name she's privately decided to give herself (private for now, since everyone else will be informed in the morning) that he starts to realize just how much he enjoys kissing her. she's not nearly as practiced as he is, but gods, there's such a single-mindedness to the kisses it actually leaves him dizzy. her focus is so all-encompassing, the world around them may as well have been unravelling at its seams and she still wouldn't break contact. chasing pleasure but holding back just enough to keep her head above the water, prolonging the act as much as she can. he's been kissed before. many times, actually, but not like this.

there is... so much disappointment when rejecting bhaal doesn't actually change anything fundamental in her. on one hand, that really does mean that it's been her personality the entire time. that the good choices she made were hers, and they were worth fighting for.

on the other hand, fostering even that small seed of hope that she might become less of herself and more like other people had been a dangerous game. the distance remains, along with the lack of understanding and knowledge that some things would always be more hard-won for her, while others would simply be entirely beyond her reach. knowing this logically is one thing. accepting it is... entirely different. it will take time, and she will at least allow herself as much so as to properly grieve a version of herself whose body knew how to laugh freely.

she'll be okay.

[jihyocentric]

fwb jeonghyos first time :)

-

"already chickening out? i knew you wouldn't be able to take all this." jeongyeon pointed at herself, plopping on jihyo's bed, right by her side. "where's the remote? there's this new show..."

"shut up. i want to do it." jihyo cut her off, noticing jeongyeon was trying to change the subject. the subject in question being that she'd just made out with her best friend and they were supposed to fuck.

now that they had gone that far, jihyo wouldn't give up. yoo jeongyeon has already seen her in baby blue lacy lingerie, and there was nothing more embarrassing than that. the worst part was that while jihyo was in a well thought sexy wear, jeongyeon was simply wearing a ragged rock band shirt and the very same old boxers she uses to walk around daily.

jihyo had thought about this thoroughly. it's not everyday that she got laid with the first friend she ever made in her life, and she thought that if they're having sex, even if that was just a wild experience with the college's number 1 heartthrob, she'd wear something worthy to be reminded.

people from outside talk. they talk a lot, and jihyo, while reserved and quiet with strangers, she had her own curiosity as to why 'yoo jeongyeon', the name of the most disgusting person on the planet, was always slipping out from her uni colleagues mouths so frequently.

their first conversation about it was weird. jeongyeon couldn't believe that jihyo, the same person who she basically grew up with, was asking to get fucked so blatantly, but it's how they ended up there. it didn't take long for jihyo to start rethinking her life decisions. the realization that she'd be topped by yoo jeongyeon because she asked for it was more than enough.

"just once." jihyo insisted, looking at jeongyeon with a serious face.

jeongyeon sighed, not moving her eyes away from her phone. jihyo sat close to her on the couch, forgetting about what she'd been doing before jeongyeon sat there, trying to get the older's attention. she couldn't get out of her head all of the things her colleagues told her, about how great jeongyeon was in bed and how they wanted to do it again with her, but jeongyeon wasn't the type of person to hook up with the same girl more than once.

"no!" jeongyeon replied, genuinely thinking jihyo was just joking around, because there was no way jihyo was serious about them getting laid.

jihyo tsked. "are you scared i'll be the one to say you're a scam?"

jeongyeon groaned, moving her phone aside and crossing her arms. her feet were over the center table, which was something jihyo hated when she did, although realistically jeongyeon was the one who always cleaned their place, so there should be no problem on that. even then, she removed her feet from there and placed them down on the floor.

"a scam? what even are you talking about, park?" jeongyeon's head fell to the back of the couch and she tilted it so she could look at jihyo. jeongyeon was clearly unbothered by her friend's attempt to push her buttons.

"i just want to know if what they say is true! i just told you that, weren't you listening?" jihyo replied, crossing her arms just like jeongyeon was. jeongyeon was doing it casually, but jihyo was getting stressed over jeongyeon's slowness.

truth to be told, jihyo was sexually deprived. she has tried many times to have a great time and really enjoy the whole... act itself, but every time she tried to have sex, she either didn't fully like it or it hurt or she just wasn't aroused enough. at times, she thought she just wasn't made to have sex and she was about accept it for good, but then she heard her classmates talking about jeongyeon, and she couldn't help but join the conversation and listen about their experiences.

"and who are 'they'?" jeongyeon asked, trying to understand what jihyo was implying. the only thing she really heard was 'have sex with me', and her answer was naturally a no.

"some girls from my class. you slept with them." jihyo said. "they told me some interesting things, and i want to know if it's true."

"that's it? nothing else?" jeongyeon squinted at her. "are you sick or something? should i be worried?"

jihyo slapped the hand that jeongyeon tried to take to her forehead, maybe trying to check her temperature.

"i am not!" jihyo rolled her eyes. "i... i'm serious. i want you to prove me you're that good."

jeongyeon was quiet for some time. she knows jihyo has had a tough time figuring stuff out when it came to her sexuality, so she guessed that having sex with jihyo would be a good way to show her that sex can be good and that jihyo just picked the worst partners. however, jeongyeon was worried. not about her own sex skills, but about the fact that they've been friends since school and now they are silly grownups with silly ideas.

"will it ruin our friendship?"

jihyo frowned at jeongyeon's question. "why would it? it's just sex."

it's just sex.

and so, jihyo stares at jeongyeon, straddles her lap and says it again.

"let's do it." her sharp eyes challenged jeongyeon, who smiled as if she was starting to enjoy herself when she sees jihyo loosen up, and placed the remote back at the nightstand.

jeongyeon starts off slow on purpose, testing jihyo's patience. she knew jihyo, has known her for years and if someone asked her to list jihyo's habits, things that she loved and hated, the foods she likes to eat the most and routine things such as those, jeongyeon would know all of the answers. but this was new, jihyo's reactions to her touches was entirely new and jeongyeon had to know how far she could go and how fast she was supposed to be.

jeongyeon doesn't try to flip them and get on top of jihyo right away. she settles right where she is and lets her hand wander over jihyo's body, stroking from her knees to her thighs, and then from her hips to her chest. jihyo says she wants it and her body corresponds to jeongyeon's touch, yet she's still reluctant. not because it's her best friend she's about to have sex with or any conventional worries people might have in a situation like that, but because her dignity would be stolen the moment she lets yoo jeongyeon take the lead.

"how sex usually goes for you?" jeongyeon breaks the silence, distracting jihyo as the younger tries to think about an answer.

"boring." jihyo answers simply, trying to find the right words to complete her sentence. "it's never too bad or too good. sometimes it hurts, when the other person doesn't know what they're doing, you know... it's..." jihyo notices what jeongyeon is doing when the cold hands touch her shoulders and pull the straps of her bra down. "it's why i prefer to give and not receive. what are you doing?"

jeongyeon moves her eyes further up. "if we're gonna have sex, we need to undress." she says as if it's obvious, noticing how jihyo flinched when she was about to open her bra. "jihyo, you know you can tell me to stop at any point, don't you?"

"no, i don't want to stop!" jihyo answers all too quickly. "were you such a softie with all the girls you've been with?"

jeongyeon sighs and sits up with jihyo still on her lap. "you're a friend i'm helping out, it's different! you're basically a virgin when it comes to good sex."

"you-" jihyo starts but then realizes she doesn't have an argument. "fine, whatever you say. but i want you to stop caring about my feelings and just..." jihyo tries to say it. she tries it hard, holds jeongyeon's shirt tightly, although she knows that it's almost ripping apart, and exhales. "just fuck me."

jeongyeon holds back a laugh, not wanting jihyo to feel bad. it was way too funny, the entire set up, the way jihyo was asking to get fucked and yet getting wide eyed when jeongyeon simply tries to take off her bra. "will you stop acting like you're hesitant?"

jihyo nods. "and you should stop touching me like i'm porcelain. or else i'll tell everybody at uni that you're a bad fuck."

jeongyeon gives jihyo a fake smile and flips them on the bed, so she was on top. "as if anybody would believe you." jeongyeon mutters, inching closer, so close that their lips almost touched. almost, because jihyo turned her head to the side and jeongyeon met her cheek instead.

"one more thing," jihyo says. "let's not kiss."

jeongyeon laughs this time. "why?"

jeongyeon doesn't want to waste time, and so she looks down at jihyo's laced panties. as though that set of lingerie looked beautiful in contrast with her skin, jeongyeon wanted them out, or else they'd be just a nuisance. while jihyo answers, she slips it down her legs and throw it somewhere else.

"because you're yoo jeongyeon." jihyo replies.

"so you want my mouth on your pussy but i can't kiss you?" jeongyeon then goes to the bra that jihyo hadn't let her take off before. this time, jihyo complies and allows jeongyeon to take the piece away from her body.

"exactly what i said." jihyo holds back a moan when the first thing jeongyeon does is squeeze her tits. predictable.

jeongyeon is great. jihyo hates to admit it, and thankfully she doesn't have to say it out loud, but even the voice in her head saying that jeongyeon is good makes her want to throw up. her body, though, reacts to the wet kisses jeongyeon places on her neck and the way she holds her wrists over her head so jihyo wouldn't move. it feels good, way better than her past experiences that didn't focus on foreplay, and it made her grow wetter.

at the same time that it was arousing, it was still weird. the faint yet expressive sounds coming out of jihyo's mouth fueled the confidence behind jeongyeon's actions, and then jeongyeon knew she was following the right path. while a knee made pressure against jihyo's bare core, jeongyeon's lips brushed against her chest, and then her tongue rolled around a nipple, lips wrapping around it and teeth tentatively giving a soft bite. it made jihyo moan louder this time, chest slightly heaving the next time she took a breath.

"fuck, yes!" jihyo moaned, keeping her arms in place when jeongyeon released her wrists and squeezed her tits once again.

"enjoying it, park?" jeongyeon teases.

"of course. that's the whole point, dumbass." jihyo retorts.

jeongyeon shrugs off and takes the other nipple in her mouth, tasting the pebbled bud and giving it the same bite she gave the other. jeongyeon spends way too much time giving jihyo's breasts the proper attention and she doesn't even realize how sensitive jihyo really is there, not until she feels a certain wetness coating her knee.

she licked her lips, kissing lower and making her way to the center of jihyo's legs. jihyo didn't have to know, but jeongyeon was taking it easier on her. for the sake of a decent sex experience for once in jihyo's life, she wasn't as rough as she was with the other girls she hooked up with, and if jihyo noticed it she didn't say a thing.

having sex with jeongyeon was already better than with the people she'd been with simply for the fact that jeongyeon actually gave attention to her entire body, and not just a couple of parts. jeongyeon got her worked up and needy before getting between her legs, and by the time she reached there, jihyo was impatient.

jeongyeon places a kiss at jihyo's thigh, then looks up. "so wet already." it didn't come out teasingly, her voice was raspy and deep and it made jihyo's tummy ache. she needed to be filled badly. "and it's all for me, isn't it?"

"hmm." jihyo moaned at a kiss placed right under her tummy and slightly higher than her clit. "yes."

"should i use my fingers?" jeongyeon asks.

jihyo nods, silently giving jeongyeon her consent. she gasps when jeongyeon slips one finger inside and takes her clit into her mouth, making eye contact with jihyo as she licked the sensitive bud. jihyo can't keep up with the eye contact, it feels way too intimate and she isn't there looking for intimacy. she breaks it by closing her eyes and moaning, while jeongyeon prepares her to receive another finger.

it wasn't new, having someone inside of her and giving her head. jihyo didn't know what made it so different to the point that she was writhing under jeongyeon, almost humping her mouth and moaning loudly for her neighbors to hear, but she wanted jeongyeon to keep going and never stop. perhaps it was the gentleness that her tongue caressed her clit in divergence with the firm thrusts of her fingers, sliding in to hit deep and then coming out, only to go back inside in a rough motion.

"i'm so close, fuck," jihyo grips the sheets, feeling her body getting warmer and warmer, the build up in her stomach ready for a burst.

jihyo pulls jeongyeon's head away just in time, but jeongyeon never stops thrusting her fingers. it's beautiful, jeongyeon thinks, as she watches jihyo's back arch and the way she squirts, something she'd never seen before and she guessed, by the sudden redness on her friend's cheeks, that it was just as new for jihyo as it was for her.

jihyo feels relaxed and satisfied. her walls squeeze jeongyeon's fingers tightly, and jeongyeon doesn't really care about taking them out. in fact, she was enjoying the welcoming warmth.

"so, what happened?" jeongyeon asks.

"i came." jihyo replies, as if it wasn't obvious.

jeongyeon pulls out when she feels jihyo's muscles relaxed. "is it the first time it happens, or..."

jihyo looks away. "yes. let's not talk about it now."

jeongyeon hums. "do you want keep going?" she asks, taking off her now wet shirt. "i can do a lot more." jeongyeon reasons.

jihyo shakes her head. "only if i get to top."

jeongyeon thinks about saying what she really feels about it — that she couldn't care less about jihyo's dilemma —, but she thinks it's funnier to play along. "maybe some other day."

jihyo manages to make jeongyeon lay down and straddles her. "and why do you assume this will happen again?"

jeongyeon shrugs. "they always come back."

"you're so full of yourself..." jihyo leans down and grabs jeongyeon's now bare tits. "show me what else you can do."