#ofc i know that if i put my trust into Allah

[lipstainedcheek]

2023 was amazing.

Alhamdulillah for my career, my relationships, my character development.

Ofc there were still a lot of sadness and frustration. But I learn that happiness doesn't mean everything goes the way I wanted, it's about acceptance and tawakkul (trusting in Allah's plan).

Happiness is about gratitude on whatever Allah gave me for He The One Who Knows All and I know nothing.

And most off all, happiness is not to put any expectations on this dunya and only focus on what pleases Allah.

It's crazy how 2023 turned me into a person I am today.

2024 will be the year I try to apply whatever good lessons I've learned. I'm looking forward to it. It would be a blast!

May Allah bless us all. Allahumma baarik.

[siiidq]

If you’re reading this, I want to tell you that I’m going through a lot of hardship at home. Please keep me in your duaas. I don’t know when Allah will ever open the doors of mercy for me. I keep losing hope.

As Salām alaikūm wa rahmatullah wa barakatuh dear anon.

Ofc you’ll be in my ad’iyyāh. I ask Allāh to make it easy for you and grant you strength to overcome everything that comes your way. Allāhumma Amīn. 🌸

Don’t forget dear anon that even if it feels like you have no one and that no one understands, Allāh azza wa jaal is there, He sees it all and knows exactly how you feel. Turn to Him, cry out to Him, even if you can’t find the right words, even if nothing comes out, know that He knows. And every time you feel like you can’t cope anymore, pray two rakahs and make du’ā in sujood, or just stay in sujood even if you don’t say anything. Your heart will feel lighter, you’ll see the ease, you’ll feel differently even if the problem is still there but you’ll gain strength to cope a little more until Allāh grants you ease. Don’t forget that du’ā is the weapon of the believer. You can get EVERYTHING with du’ā, everything!! It’s all really easy for Allāh. He just says be, and it is. Also sometimes Allāh tests us with something cuz He knows we’re able to overcome it, He knows your strong enough to cope with it, so don’t loose hope, don’t dwell & doubt about it, cuz you wouldn’t be there if Allāh didn’t believe in you.

Also, let Prophet Yusuf as be your inspiration. His own family turned against him, and he never lost hope in Allāh, instead he kept calling upon Him azza wa jaal and kept trusting Him. I understand and I know it’s hard to imagine this when you yourself are gong through things but it is then we need to reflect about this the most and let it inspire us and give us strength. Allāh did say in the qur’ān that with hardship there is ease. So be assured that Allāh will help you out, He will grant you a way out just put your trust in Him. The only One that really knows what’s going on, what’s happening in that precious hearts of yours.

So please don’t loose hope, remember everything is temporary anyways. Today it’s there, tomorrow it’s not: just like us humans.

I hope this helped a little bit even if it can’t take away your troubles & worries. 🌸

[therealpurposeoflife]

I try my best to be good but God knows I’m only human and I can upset someone. But her reaction truly scares me and emotionally scars me. This affects all my other relationships as well. Whenever they get angry I wait for a ‘punishment’. What do I do? Perhaps nothing. I can’t change her. So I guess my question is, what can I do for myself? How do I not take her anger personally and let it define me (eg- I am a bad/lazy/inconsiderate person/daughter). Thank you. (2 / 2)

Part 2

Salam anon, I can imagine how painful this must be for you. It is difficult to deal with so much negativity. I understand your frustration and helplessness in this situation. Thank you for trusting me for advice, it’s good to let it all out. I request and urge you to be extremely kind and compassionate to yourself. You’ve identified the fact that you’re labelling yourself only through your interactions with your mother. This is such good progress because this means you know you have control over this from your end. Here are a few practical tips you may take which will insha Allah help you over time:

1)Unhealthy Thought Dump and Repair Activity:

Fold a piece of paper in half vertically. At the end of the day, reflect and write down all the unhealthy negative thoughts that passed through your mind on the left-hand side (as a consequence of your interactions with your mother). On the right-hand side, directly next to the unhealthy thoughts, write down healthier versions of those same thoughts.

2)Dedicate 10-15 minutes of your day for some alone time if possible. Spend time journalling, maybe baking/an activity you enjoy, practice deep breathing or just do a brisk walk-just something for yourself. You are allowed to do things for yourself that help you feel better. You need to prioritize time for yourself and feel relaxed.

3)Develop a healthy sense of self: you need to sit down with yourself and identify positive character traits. You have been defining and putting yourself down with negative traits that are faulty assumptions and far from reality. For eg: if you consider yourself a lazy, inconsiderate daughter because of the narrative that has been forced on you-question it repeatedly and remind yourself of the sincere efforts you take to be a good person. Focus on your other roles in life. For eg: are you conscious of Allah and a good worshipper? A good sister perhaps? A good friend and cousin? You need to build yourself up with positivity because a daughter is not the only role you carry out in this world. And ofc you’re also trying your best to be a good one. So appreciate yourself for what you do and be content with your efforts. So once again, I request you to be compassionate to yourself. Don’t aim for an unrealistically high standard to achieve. Do your best to be kind to yourself and allow the negative feelings to pass. I pray you feel better, take care and lots of duas and love for you!

[tardis-sapphics]

"Resolution" but Yaz is possessed instead of Ryan's dad

whaddup i’m back being thasmin trash after three thousand years

sorry for the wait, anon! i just hope it’ll be alright

so this became way longer than i expected so i’m splitting it into two parts: the possession and the aftermath. these’ll both be on ao3 in due time so please read and enjoy over there as well!

i’m going to reblog this tomorrow with the second instalment, the aftermath, so this response won’t be all of it. ofc, read under the cut bc i’m not a monster.

thank you anon for such a delightful prompt!

In amongst the chaos, they ignore you.

Make the chaos know you.

She can’t she can’t she can’t. She can’t do this to them. Tothe Doctor.

Look at her.

The rubble and debris of a Dalek shell lie at the Doctor’s feet,but she is skipping, almost, through the communications room. The lights aredim but her smile is brighter – always, always, so much brighter – as sheparades her victory around.

She is not looking at Yaz. None of them are; they are tootaken in by the Doctor’s triumph to focus on anything but her. Always the Doctor.Even Aaron, the resident outsider, scampers through the smashed metal parts tojoin the rest of the gang.

The Doctor throws out her device and scans the room with it.What is she looking for? Everyone is curious. Her device chimes.

‘Signal never sent,’ the Doctor remarks. Her smile is backin full force, her hands waving in her exultation.

She is too busy loving herself to think about you.

You are alone.

Yaz takes this moment to recede into the shadows, to wrestlewith this on her own. Her feet are unsteady; she stumbles.

‘I think that was my best skid ever. I am so chuffed,’ theDoctor is grinning away, so her voice carries above the scuffing of Yaz’s trainers.‘Well done, team! Gang! Extended fam!’ The Doctor’s gestures are exaggerated –self-congratulating – but she still hasn’t noticed Yaz’s absence.

You want her to, but she will never notice you.

You are alone in this.

She is not alone.

No one is going to help you.

The Doctor—

The Dalek laughs.

The others are frozen with fear. Good.

No one is going to help you.

She tries so hard to cry.

 The Dalek will not consider a tactical retreat as anything buta surrender. The mission is too important. It is a survivor. It is adaptable.It is exploitative.

Happy to exploit you. The Dalek fleets will thank you.

It will thank the Doctor, too. The explosion was a blessingin disguise.

The explosion dictated the direction the Dalek flew. Yaz gotunlucky; she was too close to where it landed. As soon as it reached for her, touchedher, her fate was sealed, and the aftermath of the explosion gave the Dalekenough time to settle in properly, get used to her motions and her information.

You give me so much to work with.

In that, she is learning so much about this alien race ofhate. She is learning so much about its motivations, its history. And itshistory with the Doctor.

All these faces. All these stories. All the death and thekilling and violence.

It is telling that the Doctor kept this from you.

The squirming of the Dalek’s tentacles fills her ears. She hatesit she hates she hates it.

Love and hate are intense emotions. They are parallels. Itis so easy to manipulate love to feed hate.

That is the best thing about this vessel. The others wouldhave been weaker. Your love makes our hate greater.

Love is the paper on which hate will write over. The wordswould not be clear if love did not provide such a malleable canvas.

She is trying so hard to resist. So hard. But she feels likestone. Her thoughts are vague, echoes, as the Dalek takes over her internalprocesses, a virus made massive. It takes every ounce of strength she has justto be conscious through it all.

She can feel the Dalek’s hatred, the way it delights in herfear. It is poisoning her, poisoning every good thing about her.

Fire needs a fuel to keep it burning. It is takingeverything she loves and setting it alight.

This is an incredible loathing. Loud and angry and hot. Yaz has not known hate like this.It is a never-ending energy that consumes her as much as it consumes others. Itis sustenance and exertion all at once. It is the sickest form of pleasure, onethat makes her feel healthy as much as it kills the best parts of her. She isso active, so energetic, in this hatred.

You will burn in this hatred.

She will burn in this hatred.

The Doctor will never love you back.

Yaz is starting to hate her for it.

They all have turned around, trepidation and terrorincarnate. Mouths are gaping and brains are whirring; implications abound. TheDalek is still alive. Humanity is still in its death throes.

The Dalek’s laugh echoes around the circular room andalthough Yaz hears it, she tries not to. It petrifies her. If she could use herhands, she would slam them onto her ears, block out the ungodliest sound, prayAllah she can get rid of it from her memory forever.

She cannot move her eyes. It is directing her. She cannotblink as the Doctor walks toward her.

Her expression is—

The Doctor is in pain. The Doctor is in pain! Was there evera more glorious sight?

It is more than pain. It is a thousand things. It is angerand pain and horror. It is terror. It is white hot terror, so encompassing thatall the blood has drained from her face. It is desperation. It is detestation. Itis regret. It is a bottomless ache that is taking hold. The Dalek wants her toshut down, shut down in the face of a species she could never kill. She willnever kill the Daleks.

The Doctor knows she will see her friend die first.

All of them. But Yaz first.

The ache goes deeper and deeper at the thought. As she walkscloser to Yaz, she starts to tremble.

‘Yaz,’ the Doctor murmurs. It is a scream if there ever wasone.

And Yaz feels the ache too.

She wants to scream at her. Get me away from this. Save me.Get this thing off me. Save yourself. Doctor, I love you, please, please, Doctor,I hate you, you scare me, you are not the woman I thought you were, get away from me.

 ‘Yaz?’ Ryan’s voice is the meekest it’s ever been. He cannottear his away from this monster.

The explosion truly was a blessing in disguise. It will nothave to wait now. It will come home to glory.

‘You underestimate me, Doctor,’ it gasps. Yaz’s voice is twistedbeyond recognition. It makes her step forward, once, twice, three times, and herarms swing limply. ‘Daleks survive.’

She wants to scream. Get away from me.

‘Doctor, do something!’ Ryan’s imploring is hopeless. He looksto the Doctor like she puts the sun in the sky. He trusts her beyond commonsense.

She will do nothing.

She cannot save you.

Yaz can only stare as she watches the Doctor fall apartimmaculately.

‘I’m sorry, Yaz,’ the Doctor says, and it is barely louderthan a whisper.

Look how she shakes. Limbs tense with a flight or fightresponse, and both of them worthless. The bravado, the cheer, the energy, allfor nothing. All pointless. Look at the regret. The Doctor regrets! The Dalek isgleeful as they watch her frown, shaking her head, going back in her mind to whereshe went wrong, to where she lost Yaz forever.

The Doctor is defeated. She is the slave of the Daleks now.

‘I miscalculated,’ she continues.

Yaz’s heart is breaking in two.

She will not be the—

Do not fool yourself into thinking she can save you. Oncethe Daleks take Earth, you will not see her again.

Do not fool yourself. She will not help you. She does notlove you.

Yaz detests her.

‘You will take me to the Dalek fleet,’ the Dalek instructsher. It almost wants to laugh at the imperceptible shake of her head. As if shecan say no. ‘Resist…’

The Dalek punctures further into Yaz and pain shoots intoevery corner of her being. The various made massive is everywhere. Her body iscompromised. She groans on instinct.

The Doctor almost runs to her, but stops herself.

Get away from me get it away from me save me please I don’t wantto hate you I hate—

‘…andthis body will be destroyed,’ the Dalek finishes.

The Doctor’s gaze follows the path of the tear tracks that havetraversed down Yaz’s face. While her body shakes with her emotions, her limbsare planted solidly in their place. She is frozen by her grief.

Is this the Doctor? Immovable and defeated, because of one woman?She is weaker than the Dalek thought. So influenced by pointless things.

‘Doctor, do something,’ Ryan repeats.

Yaz doesn’t want to look at him, look at any of them. Shedoesn’t trust them she hates them she is going to die and they don’t care theyare doing nothing—

‘Fine,’ the Doctor concedes.

It interrupts Yaz’s muffled thought process. So that’s all?She’s condemned? She shouldn’t be surprised anymore.

The Doctor will sacrifice you to kill the one thing she hasalways failed to kill. She is out for glory just like the Daleks.

She would make a very good Dalek. More so than Yaz. You are somuch weaker.

In amongst the knowledge the Dalek feeds Yaz – all of theskirmishes and fights and near-deaths, coloured by the bias of the alien race –she can detect an undercurrent of terror. The Daleks have encountered many alienspecies but none of them have put fear into the hearts of the Daleks like the Doctor.

It is not a good thing. The Doctor is someone to be wary of.

Yaz knows that now.

‘Doctor, seriously?’ Graham questions, from the Doctor’sleft.

The Doctor is steadfast in her defeatism. ‘My decision.’ Sheturns to the Dalek-Yaz, and for a second her eyes travel down Yaz’s face, evenas Yaz shakes under the strain of being host. ‘Just promise me you’ll let hergo.’ The Doctor swallows. ‘You will keep her alive. She is my one condition.’

Yaz thinks she smiles.

‘You are my prisoners now.’

The humans are morose as they stand in the TARDIS. Contemplatingtheir new fates as servants of the Dalek Empire. Lin and her male human huddleclose to each other out of fear. Lin keeps looking at Yaz and massaging theback of her own neck.

The Doctor has been flying her ship and she is stricken. Ashen.Defeated. Hopeless. Her face is in the shadows and the Dalek prefers it thatway. If the Doctor is not staring ahead, glazed and resigned, then she isglancing at Yaz, her heart shattering all over again and her desperation mounting.

The Dalek loves their fear. It does not care for their otherfeelings.

You will not care for their feelings.

Yaz’s eyes are swivelling round and she takes in the view ofthe moving TARDIS, listening as the discomforted groaning fills the vastconsole room. She is looking at it through the eyes of the Dalek’s greed andshe is in awe.

This machine is so powerful. It never dawned on her before.It could be used for so many things. The pleasure would not be the journey butthe easy ticket to new, exciting victories. Every trip to different placeswould be for conquests, not exploration.

All the possibilities!

‘The glory of a TARDIS shall be ours,’ the Dalek says. Oneof the tentacles reaches up into the trapped air as if cheering.

There are so many benefits to come of this. The Doctor hasfinally been defeated and the Daleks will celebrate the vanquishing of theOncoming Storm.

And you – your name will be known for this glorious success.

But you will not be here to see it.

She will die and her family will never know how.

She will never get to say goodbye.

‘Help her,’ Ryan says to the Doctor; blind still, as if theirfriendship with Yaz is worthy enough. It is almost admirable, but it will neverbe enough.

‘Trust me?’ the Doctor asks, working on her flying TARDIS,but though her decision is final, she does not seem to trust herself. She haulsup a lever but, Yaz sees, it takes effort. She is weak. ‘We’ve landed.’

The trepidation is loud enough for all to hear.

All Yaz hears is pain. Pain, and a deep-set fury.

The tentacle over Yaz’s shoulder is active again; it brushesacross her face as the Dalek gestures. Slimy and sinister. She abhors it. It abhorsher but right now it does not care.

‘Finally, my mission is complete.’ Centuries of defeat andbrokenness have turned into the greatest Dalek victory of them all. The Dalekturns Yaz around and starts walking her to the TARDIS doors. ‘The Earth and theDoctor shall submit before the Dalek fleet.’

Her trainers are so loud as she stomps uneasily on the metalfloor. A Dalek shell would be much more discreet. Much more comfortable.

Then the doors fling open and the fleet is not there. Thefleet is not there. Only wind and imbalance and death, death, death.

The Dalek will not die.

She will not die—

She tries her best to keep steady, but the Dalek is heavy onher back and she is too close to the TARDIS doors. The winds of space howl andpull her further back, their enveloping colder than even the slime of the Dalek’stentacles. She stumbles one step back, then another.

‘Did I forget to mention?’ the Doctor’s voice rings out. ‘Nofleet. Only a sun going supernova, and a squid-sized vacuum corridor, about topull you out into space.’

She is loud above the din of the space winds, but only afool would call it confident. The Dalek can feel her fear, lives for it, evenwhen it is screaming, preoccupied by its own terror.

And Yaz is more terrified than she’s ever been. Worst ofall, she does not feel hope. She is screaming too, but it is quiet.

She knows her life will go quietly in amongst all thischaos.

‘Yaz!’ Ryan shouts. He is holding onto the console – they allare. Only the Dalek-Yaz is in freefall.

‘You’re too weak, Dalek, you can’t hold on!’

‘Except,’ Graham interjects, ‘it is holding on, Doctor!’

The death knell chimes in a suppressed imagination. TheDalek screams to itself and it is cold.

All Yaz can think about is warmth.

She will burn in a supernova and her family will never know.

For once, the Dalek is too consumed by its blind fear tobelittle her.

The Doctor moves something else but nothing helps. The windsgets louder.

The Dalek will not die the mission will be complete—

Noise escapes the Doctor – ‘The vacuum corridor’s expandingand I can’t control it!’ she yells. They are all holding on but on the Doctor’sface there is panic now, a deeper panic. Her face is contorting with anguish asshe comes to the same conclusion as Yaz. This might be it.

She will lose Yaz forever.

‘What do you mean?’

‘It’s gonna take Yaz with it!’

She has sacrificed you for the taste of Dalek blood.

This is the time to give up. Accept her end.

You will not give up we will fight to stay alive and wrestlethe TARDIS into control—

The console starts to fizz and smoke and explode and the Doctorscreams. Everyone is struggling—

Yaz is knocked off her feet by the tremors running rampantthrough the TARDIS, and she skids further down into hellfire. But she is up intime for her hands to be thrown out, and latch onto the doorframe. She isholding on by her fingertips and she does not know whether that was her doingor the Dalek’s.

She is definitely grunting with the exertion. Fear iskeeping them alive.

She thinks she might be crying again too.

‘Yaz!’ the Doctor screams. She is desperation incarnate.

The Daleks hates her with a blistering heat. It fears herwith all it has. The coming glory of her defeat is enough motivation to holdon.

Stretching as far as she can, she bunches her hand into Ryan’sjacket and drags him over to her. She pushes his hand onto the lever she has beenkeeping up. ‘Hold onto that for me,’ she shouts to him. ‘I’ve got to save her.’

Confused, terrified, and wholly unprepared, all he can do isnod, and steady himself for the job at hand.

The Dalek-Yaz watches as she makes her way over to them. Gruntingwith effort, catapulting herself closer to the doorframe, legs flying akimbo asshe runs.

‘Doctor!’ Graham yells.

She catches one of the TARDIS’ pillars and hugs it. Intensityis keeping her going, but there is something else in her eyes too, somethingthe Dalek recoils from.

Intensity is keeping her going, but there is something elsein her eyes too, something the Dalek recoils from.

‘Yaz! Yaz! Hold on!’

Yaz is crying so much. But there’s love in the Doctor’seyes.

She hates her. She hates the Doctor for giving her hopeagain.

‘Yaz, I know you can hear me,’ the Doctor says. ‘You’re doingso well, fighting the Dalek. I’m so proud of you, Yaz, and I’m sorry, I’m so sosorry.’

She thinks the Doctor may be crying too.

Do not listen to her. She does not love you. Do not findhope in her she will not save you

The Dalek is growling at her. I will save you and togetherwe will take back control of the TARDIS—

‘She is mine now,’ the Dalek retorts.

The Doctor lurches forward again. She is so close totouching her but Yaz still has to reach out.

‘No, she’s not, she’s mine!’ the Doctor answers, panting.She can barely speak through the desperation pumping through her lungs, throughthe steadfast desire to hold on.

Yaz admires her for it.

There is a part of her still holding on. There is a littlebit of love in her still.

‘Yaz, I’m here, I’m here,’ the Doctor continues. ‘I can’tlose you now. You’re bringing so much good into this universe and it wants you,I swear. And I need you stay just as much as the universe needs you. No, more.

‘Don’t listen to what it tells you, please, don’t let ittwist your goodness – fight it, fight it! You’ve got so much more left to do!’

She thinks the Doctor is crying.

Do not listen to her!

The Dalek’s screaming is still so loud to her, but it’s gettingless internal.

Its grip on her is weakening.

‘I love you, Yaz, I’m so sorry for this, this was never – Inever wanted you to – Yaz, please remember how much love you have – I love yourlove – use it, please!’

She wills her eyes to move to the Doctor’s outstretchedhand.

‘Yaz, please,’ the Doctor begs.

One final time.

The world is starting to lose its grip on her too.

She will kill this fire.

She will kill this damnation. And let that not damn her.

She throws out her hand.

[ajdenlovessushi]

V

i don’t know what’s going on with us, what we’re doing, where we going. but i know my intentions are always good and pure to her. and i know i care about her. so much. and i think, deeply i love her? even though sometimes i question myself is it going to be worth it? but at the end of the day when i look at her, i want to go through anything with her. she’s not something i want to give up easily. i just know that we’re in the right path. and we’re meant to cross path. i even thought she was my soulmate once. well i still believe that. she’s different. she’s not going to be one of those who comes and goes (hopefully). for the first time i had a very deep connection with someone, its her. i don’t even know if its possible, but it is. we connect emotionally, intellectually, and telepathically. its crazy but amazing. again i don’t even know i could be like this with someone. i’ve seen every parts of her. from the worst, to the better version of her. only in 8/9 months. my intuition or gut telling me that it is bound to happen. like we we’re meant for each other? maybe its cliche but i want to always open my heart for her. for us to happen. i don’t put any expectation on her. with the experience i had and the lesson i learned. no expectations needed. i just want to see where this is going. trust in time. and just let it flow with her. what i have with her is so different from what i had with others. what we’ve been doing its different and new. i’m not afraid about anything with her i wanna be open and let it flow with her. we are each others medicine. i met her in 2020. talked very briefly for like just a day. she was a hot girl that i knew was outta my league, too good to be true and very unreachable at the time. but then when i was so heartbroken in march 2021, i texted her and turns out she was what i needed. she was the help that i needed. she helped me change and move forward. and now i help her. i helped her go through hard times and changes too. i simply just wanna be there for her. and i don’t mind at all like i want to be there for her without expectations or doubts. i just let things be with her. i can be a lot of things for her. a best friend, a lover, a sneaky link lol. and i felt good about it. because i don’t want anything in return from her. which is really weird but it felt good. i can see myself being in a healthy relationship with her. i can see myself being with her for a long time. i just genuinely care about her. i just want her to be happy, that’s what i feel. she made me feel i can be independent with myself. she made me feel fine with being alone and not being dependent on her. she  taught me a lot. even about myself. she’s the first person who saw me as a smart girl when all this time i thought i’m not. she made me felt good about myself just by acknowledging that. she made me realize so much great things about myself. she appreciate me, i appreciate her. she so much more than a lover idk how thats possible. i talked and discussed about everything with her. every conversation i had with her are always deep and meaningful. she made me look at the world differently (but in a good way ofc) and made me be more open minded than before. she always showed me respect from the beginning. she respect my thoughts and my beliefs. she respect me from when she was her old self who was narcissistic, egoistic to the new and improved spiritual self. she’s amazing and i wanna protect her from everything from anything that could hurt her. i don’t see myself with someone else but her. i don’t want to look for other girls but her. i just want her. whatever it is as long its with her i’m in. and this is the brain and the heart speaking, in the same language. they both want this. and again, i just want to simply always open my heart for this connection with her and surrender to trust god with what i have with her. i’m blessed ya Allah for you getting her into my life. i surrender to you ya Allah for this connection that i have with her. 

you’re special V, i hope you always know that.

[flowersofjannah]

Do you have any tips on how I can love myself? I’ve been really insecure about myself after a bad breakup. I’ve also been putting myself down just to see other people happy. I’ve lost a lot of weight cuz I dont eat from my depression. I’ve also been seeking for attention and when I don’t get it I feel worthless and cry myself to sleep. Also how do I stop expecting so much from things, I feel like that’s ruining me the most cuz this world is nothing but problems. Help sister please and thank u 😞

Assalamu ‘alaykum wa  rahmatullahi wa baraktuh!

My sister, do not ever look for your worth in other people. Be content with yourself by knowing who you are! It is absolutely pointless to dig your value with how other people react to you. Just don’t care about people, if you shall be pleasing anyone, it should be Allah. Work to make Allah happy, get His attention, not peoples.

Do seek professional help, visit a therapist, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Spiritually, make tons of dua and do supererogatory worship (After fard, ofc) to gain closeness to Allah and I promise you this WILL help majorly!

Eat and take care of yourself, in fact engage in exercise. Go out for a walk or ride a cycle. This will help clear your mind. =)

In the end it’s all really about mindset, you define what is important and what isn’t. You need to change your priorities. You are not in this world to please people, although you should act kind (without putting yourself down constantly), you are here to please God and that is where you should look for your value. 

I see the younger me in you, exactly the same situation other than not eating. And I’m telling you sis, you have to help yourself, you have to change your mindset. You won’t be happy until you do. No amount of compliments in the world will make you happy, trust me love. 

Make a list on what you like about yourself and a list on things you can improve on. Be happy with your good and work to improve what you’re not satisfied with. Always remember not to expect yourself to be perfect, just try to better yourself and take it slow. And make sure your improvements are on things that actually matter such as - I  get angry a lot, I’ll try to control that, rather than something like - I should do my hair more often.

I give you sincere advice sis, don’t chase people. It’s not worth it. You only hurt yourself. We are not made to do this. Work towards Allah, He will make it better, I promise you.