#oh and just to be clear: these two have a purely platonic and familial bond. there will be None Of That

[missholoska]

Time for the Dreemurr siblings cousins! ❤️🐐

(For anyone unfamiliar with my Swap content, see the character sheets for Papyrus & Sans, Undyne & Alphys, Asgore & Toriel, and more about Underswap MH here!)

The thing with Dandelion (Asgore) being Sage’s uncle was explained on his and Toriel’s sheet, but to give a quick reminder: it’s because Toriel, Asgore and Asriel all being alive in Underswap with none of them aging doesn’t make sense to me, and I still want Asriel to have a family bond with both of them. It’s not a perfect middle ground, but it works for me 👍

anyways, the usual additional rambles are under the cut!

Swap Chara's nickname seemed like a fitting way of showing that they are in fact a good merciful child and not Murderous Demon Baby Extraordinare™, but it was mostly chosen because no matter how many times I hear people pronounce Chara as 'care-a' or 'kara', my brain absolutely refuses to stop saying it as 'char-a' with a proper 'ch' sound, and nicknaming them Charity means everyone has to pronounce it like I do :D (side note: keep in mind the nicknames I give the Swap MH cast are not used in-universe, and as such Charity isn't their full name or anything. it also isn't intended to imply anything about their gender, please let this kid be non-binary in peace)

As for Swap Asriel's nickname, I'm not gonna pretend I actually know anything about the meanings of flowers, but while looking up various plants to name him after (in keeping with Dandelion and Orchid) I did find mentions of sage meaning immortality and wisdom.

I draw UT Asriel with slightly heterochromatic eyes and didn't want to give up that detail, so I decided heterochromia just runs in Dandelion's family. Sage's right (viewer's left) eye is a warmer purple while his left (viewer's right) is a cooler purple, matching the positions of Dandelion's orange and blue eyes.

I don't plan on making Sage's parents actual characters, especially since they're dead and aren't any more relevant than UT or Swap MH Monster Kid's parents, but for what it's worth I did look up how royal titles work for a King's nephew and based on that, Sage's mother would've been Dandelion's sister.

Dandelion and Orchid took Sage in after his parents' deaths, his bed being put on the other side of his uncle's room. He got to know MK and later Frisk, considering them both cousins, but wasn't quite as close as they were to each other. He was distraught by their deaths too, though.

Despite not viewing himself as any older than 10, occasionally Sage likes to mention how long he's actually been alive for, just to see people's reactions when a small goat child says he's 113 years old.

I've given myself several headaches figuring out the timeline of all four kiddos, but I think it goes: - Sage was born - 4 years later, Monster Kid was born - 3 years later, Monster Kid was found and adopted by Dandelion and Orchid - 3 years later, Sage's parents died - 2 years later, Frisk fell into the Underground and was adopted (year 201X) - 1 year later, Monster Kid and Frisk died - 100 years later, Charity falls into the Underground (year 211X)

Since everyone has a different interpretation of both Frisk and Chara it's probably worth expanding on Charity's personality a bit more: Like my UT Frisk, Charity is more easily excitable than their UT counterpart and being kind comes a little more naturally to them, and they care deeply for their found family. But overall they're pretty similar to my UT Chara - sassy, fairly intelligent and mature for their age, but can be bitter and self-destructive at times. They lack UT Chara's way with words (i.e. narrator tendencies, that goes to Swap MH Frisk) and don't speak quite as formally. They also love gardening, dogs, anime and bad puns.

oh and I just now realised I should’ve written something about how Charity and Sage interact together, which generally similar to UT Chara and Asriel but with less dying from flowers and angry humans and more playful bickering over who’s actually the older one

Next up will be Napstabot and Happstablook, but I haven’t yet designed Napstabot’s box form so that needs to be done first :D;; but I fully intend to complete all the main character sheets this year!!

[ahsokasanity]

Chapter Four

Notes - more spoilers, so don’t read this if you’ve not done ACOSF. Mostly from Az’s POV. Isn’t it about time we talked about Az and Elaine?! In case you missed the beginning Chapter One

Azriel avoided Elain. He spoke business to Rhys and he tried to smile with Feyre, if only because he didn’t know for how long he would be able to do that. It was lucky that he spent his whole life in subterfuge and was able to speak little to steer clear of topics that had been swept under the rug. Feyre didn’t notice. They had always had an easy if not intimate relationship. Elain on the other hand…

It had been weeks since Solstice and that near mistake. It was even more glaringly a mistake as he sidestepped any invitations to the River House and more so from ever being alone with Elain. She was often in the garden so he without fail arrived at the front door. When he met with Rhys it was in his office and Azriel knew that Elain rarely frequented that area of the house. Rhys was silently pleased and encouraged Az in all of his spying and chaperoning of Nesta and Cassian (now that was a title that held no responsibilities!). They found themselves able to work around Azriel’s crushing need to try to get eyes and ears on Briallyn, and Rhys’s absolute no on that endeavour.

When Az flew toward the River House that day, he was high. As in emotionally high. The three longest term trainees had cut the ribbon, all three in the one day. Valkyries indeed. Gwyn had made the break through first and he knew without question that the impromptu lesson during Solstice had given her the tools and the courage to be first. Her success radiated through him as she let Nesta tie the ribbon around her forehead. She’d lifted her chin in his direction and winked. She winked at him! Yes, yes, of course it was a student teacher type interaction, it was not wreathed in innuendo nor suggestive in any way. He saw the person beneath peeking out from the robes and the trauma and he was knocked backwards by her grace.

It truly did not help that the glass rose swung free of her neckline and glimmered in the sun. Her hair was tearing free from it’s braid around her cheeks and the thrill of the conquest, the blush on her cheeks turned her into the most glorious creature. Az was used to this now. Every few days he’d catch a look or a moment of pure beauty from her and he’d file it away. He was not masturbating to his images of her and he thought of that as a good sign. The Sidra Salvation was becoming a regular stop during his week so the tightness and the angst were distant needs. The loneliness was a constant companion, but it was smothered often by his friends, his family their court and it’s demands.

So wrapped up was he in thoughts of training success, he did not see Elain standing by the lavender path leading to the front door. She was engrossed in her work but immediately he landed she stood and walked directly to him.

“Elain….. um hello” he stammered out

“You won’t talk to me and you never see me when you are here. What was so bad?” She dropped her gaze as if all the courage that it took to say those words had left her empty

Azriel pulled himself together and guided Elain to the bench seat alongside the house. It was out of sight of most of the windows and he could tell that Elain did not want anyone to see her like this. His past-self strained to take her in his arms, but the stronger better male was in charge now and he knew to support without overture was his job.

“I’m sorry Elain” Her name on his lips brought a sob to her mouth and she covered it with a shaking hand.

“I hoped to let you sort out these feelings without getting in your way, without making your decisions more difficult” He was finding this really difficult, her bottom lip was tight as she held tears

“But, you saved me. You were the only one who saw me. The only one who has seen me since I became this” She indicated her perfect fae form from toes to pointed ears.

“I promised Rhys” As soon as the words left his mouth AZ knew the hurt they would cause, the trouble.

Elain shook her head once, gritting her teeth “The mighty High Lord forbade you from what, being friends with me, from pursuing me? He enjoyed seeing the steel will under the stunning exterior. So rarely seen, so alluring.

Azriel did not extract himself from her tight grip but he knew that for himself, for Elain to get past this point, she needed the truth and nothing less. Even if it wounded him, wounded her. No good could come from mincing around these basic fae instincts, the mating bond, the trouble between courts.

“Elain you have to listen and you have to know that I do not say this to hurt you, even though I know it might. This is important”

She nodded, but her eyes cast down, tears leaking from each.

“There is no law that says that every party involved must accept the mating bond..”

“Oh, THIS again” Elain went to stand. Azriel clutched her hands tighter

“Yes Elain, THIS again. Because it will not go away. Not ever. No matter how far you go or how much you avoid it. You will feel it. He will feel it and it will never go away”

She sobbed into his hands, hers tightening and releasing. “I know. I know”

Az blew out a breath and stroked her hair. She stiffened and he smiled

“Just supporting, not seducing” he stared at her and she lifted the corners of her mouth.

“I am just so sick of life doing things to me. Without me. Losing Feyre, becoming rich again, being betrothed to Graysen” (she said quietly) “Being kidnapped and then the cauldron, losing Graysen and my father” She drew a shaky breath.

“I wanted something else, something mine and my choice. I thought that you were my choice, and I might be yours” The last had been mumbled out of her mouth – a truth that she didn’t want to give up. Azriel’s chest cracked a little and he pulled her toward him.

He breathed into her hair “You would be, you could be - except for the bond”

Elain gasped and pulled away, nearly stood up.

“People keep telling me that it’s up to me if I accept it or not, I don’t have to like Lucien. I don’t have to be with him. I have no interest in being with him. Why won’t you fight for me?” She squared her shoulders and glared at him with what was decidedly a Nesta I will slay my enemies look. Exactly the conversation that Az had been trying to avoid for a month, since that stupid night, that ridiculous present that was all about wanting to be a part of something bigger than himself. And he had dragged her into this web, knowing full well the fall out would be massive.

“Please, wait and …and listen” Elain stalled her stomp off as he composed himself and spoke

“Everyone has been so careful around you, well not just you, we coset Feyre and we hide scary truths from each other (he thought of Mor) and we do it thinking that we’re doing right, helping. We are not helping you Elain. The truth of your life is that Lucien is in it. You have decisions to make, but I cannot offer you myself, I cannot create a civil war between our court and at least two others if I fight for you. I cannot disobey my high Lord” He nodded in truth and stroked her hand “No matter what our circumstances may have led us to do in the past. I like you Elain, I probably even love you as my High Lady’s sister, but to accept any relationship with you is a war starter and you know, it won’t even work for you to release the bond this way.”

“But Why, why Azriel” How many times had he thought about his name spoken by her, not with this edge of grief, but with joy like the night she’d given him the headache powder. He steeled his soul

“Because you need to explore the mating bond and not just by ignoring it and Lucien. I’m not one to extol his finer points but he does have them. Feyre might tell you some. Rhys and Mor might tell you others. You have to know that even I know, he was not a part of your kidnapping and definitely not a part of your being made Fae. Even before he knew you were his mate, he has never contributed to harm coming your way.”

If only for the fact that Elain had never heard Azriel speak so many words together, she believed him. She knew that her idealistic gardening, helping Velarisians, and ignoring the part of her life that needed growth itself, was over. Her consolation was Nesta and Feyre and their journeys through the dark to the light. She might be able to get there, to that immersion in life. The great, the sad, the truth of it. She knew they’d help. But she would have to tell them what she needed, not just avoid what she didn’t want.

They were both standing and she wrapped her arms around Azriel’s middle linking her fingers to cage him in for a little while

“Thank you. For telling me the truth, I don’t want it, but I probably needed it” She glanced up at him – Gods he was a fine figure even for a fae. She giggled to herself.

“How much trouble are you in if Rhys finds us?”

More Chapters? Try the Chapter Link

“I will wear it if you promise this is the beginning of our totally platonic, sister/brother hugs are allowed everything else is out of bounds relationship” He smiled a world lighting lifting of his usually neutral face and she nodded but held him tighter.

[jadelotusflower]

Robin Hood Rewatch: 2x08 Get Carter!

This is actually one of my favourite episodes of the season, partly because I really enjoy relationship angst, but mostly because we get multiple characters dealing with their trauma/grief. If we can't get these guys and gals into therapy, at least we get to see them talk (and hug) it out.

Also the best episode title they're had for a while - I have no doubt one of the writers is a fan, and Carter is so named only because they wanted to make this reference. The assassin seeking revenge for a dead brother is wholesale lifted from the plot of the film, and Joseph Kennedy almost has a passing resemblance to Michael Caine's look in that role.

"Get Carter - before Carter gets you!"

Carter is one of the only guest stars they actually will bring back later, and for good reason.

"Why don't you ever kiss my ring?" Vaisey, always making things creepy.

Marian is simmering with unrestrained anger, eager to get into the fight, while Robin is the one advocating for the watch and see approach, and it’s quite the role reversal.

The gang's reaction to her charging off is quite funny though, she knocks John over completely and Djaq throws her hands in the air.

Robin’s now getting a taste of what the rest of the gang have to put up with dealing with his recklessness.

Tying Marian up in the middle of a melee, however, is disgusting behaviour - while Marian was hot-headed throwing herself into the fight (nothing Robin hasn't done before himself), he knows that she can hold her own with a sword and doesn't need protecting. Tying her hands is the absolute worst thing he could have done, because how is she meant to defend herself? I can somewhat understand where Robin is coming from in this episode (even if he goes about it badly), but this is unjustifiable.

Clearly she gave that guard she clanked on the head amnesia, because he never reports back that Marian was fighting with the gang.

“I owe you my life”/“I won’t take it just yet.” Nice.

Scimitar is still missing in action.

Robin doesn’t want Marian to be seen in case she needs to return to the castle, when he’s spent the whole season urging for her to join the gang. I think he realises he made a mistake asking her to flee last episode without giving her time to deal with her grief, and wants to leave her options open. But telling her that she’s not ready to make the decision (about whatever she wants to go back), however correct, is patronising.

There's a fundamental conflict that Marian wants to be treated like a member of the gang, but doesn't want to cede to Robin's authority like the rest of the gang - in turn Robin expects her to follow his orders like the others, but isn't treating her like he would the others either - he would never tie them up to keep them out of a fight, and Marian has every right to pissed at him about it.

Djaq and Much having a little tête-à-tête about Carter - I just really enjoy that they’re often paired together in these gang scenes, they balance/play off each other so well. Just this pure platonic frazzled vs calm vibe.

Much just has this really great memory for faces - he was able to recognise fake Richard last season just from his profile despite wearing a helmet, and now he knows he remembers Carter's face from somewhere (or as it will turn out, Carter's brother).

Much really just does not let up, and I love that about him. "You'll be disappointed though, with uh, today's wound. I mean if you're planning to go back to the Holy Land and, uh, kill him." That not so subtle probing for information and Sam Troughton's delivery is always perfect.

"Wasn't me, was it?" Oh Much, so close.

“The crusty one” - lol

It's not explicit, but implied that Vaisey and Guy believe Edward was the one passing information to Robin, and Marian is cleared of any suspicion (paving the way for her return). Guess Guy never showed the Sheriff that hair dagger after all.

Vaisey is actually giving Guy some really good advice here, albeit laced with his usual cruelty and getting all up in Guy's personal space.

"Grow up Gisborne" - now I don't think it's deliberate on Vaisey's part to invoke a Marian parlance, seeing as she really only says this to Robin (and once to Much), but it's a nice little callback, however unintentional.

Marian asks for an apology (and deserves one), but Robin doubles down and doesn't come out of this exchange well.

Because his delivery is terrible, but he's otherwise quite correct - as skilled as Marian is, she’s used to relying on (and having to worry about) only herself and not work in a team, and look to a single point of command. But both of them have their backs up - they're two strong personalities and neither is going to give ground, reverting to the ideological clashes of season 1, except now in much closer quarters.

Robin's also not used to being challenged in this particular way, and in his frustration is reacting like a captain disciplining a soldier, not a lover helping their partner through their grief. I do wonder if the conversation would have gone differently if they'd been alone.

lol at the gang awkwardly standing around listening to Robin and Marian fight. Djaq trying to busy herself with her mortar and pestle as Robin and Marian argue around her.

A really great scene between Marian and John aka the camp dad. Marian really just needs someone to listen to her and appreciate what she's going through - Robin is too fixated on the dangerous way she's channeling her grief and not even trying to address the root cause. He trying to tell her what to do, not listen to what she actually needs.

On the other hand it's probably better coming from John, a neutral party without the emotional baggage she has with Robin.

Because Robin and Marian are really being driven by completely different motives - Marian by grief and therefore loss, and Robin by trauma and therefore fear. In her sorrow, Marian has lost all her fear of being discovered, in fact she wants to make it know she's with the gang, to finally be free to say which side she's on and fight openly, to make her father's death worthwhile, and can't understand why Robin is trying to stifle that.

"I thought you used to have your own men Little John?" So someone remembers Forrest and Hanton!

After Carter takes down the gang one by one, Robin takes down Carter in three seconds (including catching the long dagger Carter throws at him, and flinging it back) and it's lights out. Can you believe it's the first concussion of the season? (Notwithstanding the multiple head injuries Allan sustained last episode).

While Marian has been known to be punch-happy, the "he'll tell us more if he knows we're willing to hurt him" is just so (intentionally) out of character - it is however somewhat reminiscent of Robin in 1x08, wanting to get his punch and torture on with Guy. However rather than understanding where Marian is coming from, he pushes her away with the "go and cook something" jibe. This almost feels like he was going for familiar banter and miscued, but is also an asshole thing to say. When their positions were reversed in 1x08 Marian at least tried to reason with him - Robin is seems to be ill-equipped to do the same.

Allan just having a little snooze against the castle wall. He really seems defeated and depressed after last episode.

Marian's corset has a pouch to hold a dagger - or at least I hope there is because otherwise it's ouch time.

Leaving Marian at the camp is again a mistake on Robin's part - it excludes and isolates her from the gang, rather than trying to involve her so she can bond with them, engaging in their outreach to the peasants - who she helped as the Nightwatchman, but never really had the opportunity to come to know. It would remind her that they are not just fighting against the Sheriff but for the people, which in her frenzied grief she has perhaps lost sight of.

Instead, Robin's focus is on Carter, who he rather identifies with and so finds it easier to address his motives, and try and change them.

Carter is in many ways Robin’s dark mirror, what he could have become in the Holy Land if he chose a different path. It’s important that this happens right when Robin is backsliding - he’s trying to save his own soul as much as Carter’s.

Okay, let's talk about Marian’s forest gear - fashioned from the outfit she wore when she fled the castle the previous episode - but dear me it's awful. The grey culottes, rather than becoming trousers have now been turned into that corset, and her vest/skirt overlay have now become those trousers. Just baffling.

“I’m good with nuns” followed by Allan straight up knocking the Mother Superior over and stealing her ring is iconic.

Much gives Robin a sword to use going after Carter - still no scimitar.

I really love the confrontation/fight scene between Robin and Carter - it's very well choreographed and written, but we also see the best of Robin's character (after seeing some of the worst earlier).

Carter's brother is called Thomas - Allan's brother was called Tom. Lots of dead brothers in this show (including Djaq's).

The story of Carter's brother Thomas dying because he "stopped listening" and led a raid against orders is a little on the nose, but gives context to Robin’s fear for Marian’s safety in part triggered by his war trauma - someone charging in against orders and then dying in his arms.

But it shows Robin as a man who, even when Thomas' recklessness had cost not only his own life but others of Robin's men, was still moved to instruct the stretcher-bearers to make Thomas the hero, and himself the negligent captain, in order to comfort his family.

The fight is fairly even, and although Robin gets the upper hand in the end, it's only partly his skill - rather his true strength is in reaching the man inside the assassin, and then surrender and allow Carter to take his revenge if that's what he wants, and despite his fear, trust that there is good still in him, and that he can leave behind the life as a killer as Robin has done (tried to do).

This scene is the core of why I really love Robin as a character. He's riddled with PTSD and a reckless bravado, he's at time emotionally stunted with those he loves, makes terrible mistakes and often says the wrong thing, but he also has this great heart and compassion that allows him to reach people, to understand and help them, even at the risk of his own life. He's trying.

"He was a hero - just not on that day" is quite a poignant line.

Much and Djaq together again, just saying.

Robin finally finds out that Roger of Stoke was intercepted. I had assumed he'd figured that out once he knew Allan was a traitor but okay.

Poor Much crying out for Robin's attention - he's got his own trauma from the war and wants to talk about it, to commiserate with Robin about what they went though, but Robin can only cope by not talking about it, not even thinking about it.

Much makes a good point that Robin should have listened to him about recognising Carter, but it comes across as jealously over Marian and Robin misses just how deeply Much carries his hurt.

One of Robin's biggest flaws is that he's overwhelming in his affection, compassion, and understanding for strangers, but takes those he loves for granted - Carter's response to grief was the same as Marian's, but Robin listened to Carter, consoled and comforted him, while keeping Marian at arm's length. Perhaps because strangers don't ask for anything beyond that - it is the granting of kindness, but not the sharing of self. It's the latter Robin truly fears, but what Much and Marian deserve (although tbf Marian has problems with this as well).

“Either I’m part of your gang or I’m not” is a valid point, and Robin's still not happy even when she agrees to stay behind!

But she disobeys him, and saves his life. It's a rite of passage - almost all of the members of the gang have this.

Allan looking rather distressed as Guy is about the chop off Robin's head, and he makes a small movement just before the swing (as does Much).

Guy again pushing Marian past the point of discomfort - she left, wrote him a letter asking him to leave her alone, straight up told him to his face to leave her alone, and still he persists.

Her kissing Guy (to distract him from seeing Much and Will) is really the only time she sends mixed signals, but Guy's whole energy seems to be just to wear her down until she agrees to be with him and it's gross. It is however kind of amusing that he tries to be authoritative and forbid her from leaving, and she immediately walks away.

Robin and Marian are back in playful banter mode, although I wish there had been a deeper discussion (and that Robin had apologised in return). It doesn't quite feel like the conflict between them has been resolved, it really is just a "truce".

But I do like that it's Marian who reaches out to Robin at the end of this episode, because up until this point it's Robin who has been (somewhat) the one making overtures - asking her to join the gang, telling her he needs her, telling her he loves her, while Marian's been more reserved. This feels like her acknowledging that sometimes she needs to take the first step.

This was a long one - but as a I said, I really love this episode!

[elizabethrobertajones]

Hey I was very confused why there was such a heavy parallel in the latest ep bw Cas-Dean fight in s11 and Cas-Sam fight. Like literally all the moves were same. The style and everything.

http://princesscas.tumblr.com/post/183463115250 < parallel gifset

Hiya :D This makes a lot of sense to me because it’s part of the Endless Crypt Scenes Recursion. The fact that TJW did not direct this and it was Phil instead also feels significant to me because thus far the most blatant parallels in the staging have ALL been done by the same director, even with a parallel back in his earlier work on Dark Angel with Jensen, shooting an almost identical scene to this one. The fact that this visual language is being repeated by another director is very significant to me to showing the show understands the language that TJW has been talking in and that other parts of the show can repeat it and utilise it within their own storytelling. 

My crypt scenes tag contains many very long posts explaining the recursions, listing every instance I can think of including platonic or failed subversions, and the parallel to the Swan Song set of conditions and how the two aren’t alike though a scene can look like either on the surface when being done as a less elaborate mirror and just having a quick mind control/possession thing thrown into the story. 

In this case it fits the pattern in a very interesting way - between Sam and Cas we have a very classic Swan Song reversal in 11x14, with Cas holding back Lucifer to stop him killing Sam while possessed, which was excellent, and also is very firmly brotherly love territory. And this again mirrors the staging of the classic “reverse crypt scene” we had been expecting for a while as a fandom since Dean took the Mark of Cain, but covers different emotional territory. Cas makes his plea to Dean very personally about having to watch him murder the world, then when Dean has beaten him in the fight, is emotionally defeated and begging from that same position. With Sam he is clear-headed and can list off multiple reasons he understands Sam has been controlled like this, his own experiences of similar, and then gives Sam MULTIPLE family-based reasons to stop, and like the man remembering his daughter through his cellphone earlier, saying “Jack” is what breaks through to Sam and so the connection is broken not even by Cas and his personal bond with Sam as an intense interpersonal connection, but by the whole enchilada of their connection, personal similarities, empathy, etc, and their family, their collective parenthood of Jack, everything. 

Like, if Cas had been like that in 10x22, he’d have been lying on his back wrestling with Dean instead of feebly clinging to his arm, saying, like, “Listen, Dean, we’ve all been through a lot and I remember when I was controlled by Naomi and being made to beat you up and it really sucked but I understand what it’s like to become consumed by violence, after all I too was driven crazy by all those leviathans when I was Godstiel and I know how hard it can be but please think about how much you have to live for, not just for me but also for Sam and think about how Charlie would feel you doing all this in her name, and - “

I don’t remember the scene like that :P 

It’s important when we’re getting parallels and comparisons in the story to really think about what they’re saying and how they’re set up and what their context is, because it’s not always like for like and saying oh if Dean did this to Cas then Sam doing the same means that they both had the same moment… There were so many external factors, from how lost Sam was from being himself vs how Dean was an amplified rage version of Dean still on his same operating system even if it was messed up to hell with all the darkness, so his motives and relationships remained in a Dean range, while Sam was just attacking Cas mindlessly as far as any reason SAM would have for doing it.  He doesn’t even have a narrative feud with Cas, even in quiet implications of, for example, jealousy of his connection to Jack or something. He and Cas are 100% chill at the moment and therefore there’s no REASON they’d fight and it would be personal. Whereas with Dean n Cas, Dean’s entire feeling of trust and connection in his family had been shattered and he was feeling Cas was implicated in Sam’s scheme that got Charlie killed too, even if we saw the story itself bend in knots to avoid getting a drop of blood on Cas’s hands. That wasn’t Dean’s perspective, and he was killing so many people he was building up a huge bloodlust feeding the Mark, hence his extremely violent and personal response. 

So what this new Sam n Cas parallel gives us is a hugely important emotional moment, because everything Cas says of course is valid and important, but it shows us the level to which his relationship with Sam is a broad and all-encompassing family love built of many factors and shared connections and how they do have a hugely important personal bond they’ve expressed to each other on several occasions about their own mistakes and losses and over-reaching etc. It’s like, in no way is what Sam and Cas have NOT immense and worth calling a very important family love and important connection for the both of them to have. But it also shines a light on what was different about Dean and Cas - that even in this episode their relationship was snarky and bitchy in pure fondness and adoration but you know, hidden behind a huge eye roll each. And their fight in 10x22 was entirely personal and emotional and on such a deep level that in many ways there were no words, but the words Cas did say were practically a marriage declaration which Dean then rejected, and after that Cas had nothing else to give or say because it felt clear he’d given his ALL to Dean. The intense emotion of that scene had a great deal more of the fight and it was serious, in a main plot episode, in the heart of their home, and vicious and horrible in the same way that OG Cas in 14x13 attacking Dean had been vicious and horrible and just, merciless, as a contrast to what you’d want them to be with each other… A lot of the fight was to make us wince in horror and pain at seeing Dean attack Cas like that, while watching “Justin” with his hair and his glasses and his Mr Rogers sweater tackling Cas across a cutsey milkshake bar was HILARIOUS on a visual level and only when “Justin” got hold of Cas’s blade did it even get scary rather than making us giggle like everything else that asshole did. :’) 

So… yeah. Vital data for my horrifying graph of this thing, but the parallel isn’t “meaningful” in a way of actually saying anything romantic about Sam n Cas or devaluing the romance of what Dean n Cas have. It was all good fun :D

[sometimesrosy]

I 100% believe that Clarke loved Bell since season 2. Like hes always been portrayed as her weakness as early as season 2 ( ALSO LOVE=WEAK and she admitted tobeing weakwhen it comes to him back then). And we've been shown how that platonic love weakness portrays itself when Abby hung herself and Clarke let it happen. Im sure she would've broken for Bell. And we also get so many parallels where a love interest getting tortured or threatened makes their person break (ie kane & abby, zeke & raven)

I agree with you with Clarke loving Bellamy since season 2, but not a lot of people agree with us. I don’t think they can reconcile Clarke going with Lxa and still being in love with Bellamy.

Me? It makes perfect sense to me. It’s not a romantic choice, it’s most definitely a realistic choice though. First she was scared of love, because she was told that love was a weakness. Then she was having a nervous breakdown over MW and left HIM. Him specifically. Then she was back to scared, AND her love of him put him in danger with Lxa and the coalition. She’s had to hide it the entire time she was with them. THEN he hated her because she left him and chose Lxa and handcuffed her. And only THEN did she accept Lxa’s interest. When she thought Bellamy hated her and could never return her feelings. Right there is exactly why she let her feelings for Lxa out. 

How could she have feelings for both at the same time? Because her feelings for Bellamy grew slowly before she was aware, and she became aware when Lxa was already courting her and showing interest, and Bellamy rejected her, and Lxa was still there, when she was vulnerable and offering her love. How is this not understandable? 

Is it because people think that being in love means you are no longer able to have feelings for anyone else?

IDK. I mean that fits with all the people who thought that Clarke should die once Lxa died. They thought that without her “soulmate” she should no longer exist. Maybe she should bond with a chip instead. But she should never ever ever be with Bellamy, because that would be a betrayal of their OTP and Lxa. 

Honestly, I think it’s the purity culture thing? This imaginary definition of people as good and pure and perfect, and love being this 100% pure, good, perfect thing. That also fits with how people say that a relationship is “toxic” and that therefore means it is evil. I think they don’t understand that love can be real and good and also, at the same time, harmful, codependent, and not good for you. 

Is this also why they believe that Bellarke is dead? Because Bellamy is with Echo and it’s clear his feelings for her are real, so that must mean that his feelings for Clarke are dead?

Even though the are 100% not dead, and it is 100% canon that Bellamy’s loves Clarke. 

Bellamy got STUCK in a situation where he loves two women. Where his true love and soulmate come back from the dead after he had five years to let go of her (never managed to) and move on (sorta managed to) with someone he cares about because she’s family and he loves her. 

I think this really bugs people. This seeming contradiction.

You know what? I think we’ll have an answer to this contradiction. We already have it. Finn gave it to us. And he is the original in love with two girls guy. Oh that’s it right there. He LOVED Raven. But he was IN love with Clarke, and he made the distinction to her.

YOU KNOW. I think Clarke knows the difference, too. Because in season 2, she had the comparison of her feelings for Bellamy and Finn to look at. She turned to BELLAMY. She liked him better than Finn in season 2. And THEN she had the comparison of Bellamy and Lxa in season 2, when Lxa kissed her from out of the blue (for her, because she was clueless although we could all see Lxa’s interest,) and rejected Lxa and said she was not ready to be with ANYONE. (anyone who? who’s in your thoughts? oh yeah. Bellamy.) And when she saw Bellamy under the mountain and she could finally take a deep breath, I totally think she knew it then. That was the difference. That was not how she felt about Finn, or about Lxa. That was only Bellamy. Were the feelings ever returned? Nope. I mean, yes, but he’s better at hiding them, I think.

But I think he doesn’t know the difference between Love and IN love. Or at least he didn’t know the difference in season 3 or 4. When she stayed with Lxa, chose Lxa, said she loved Lxa, went with Niylah, even when they were getting closer. He didn’t get the inkling until the end of s4 when she risked humanity for him. Because that he could understand.

But NOW in season 5, when he loves Echo, (he told her she was his family, which is what Raven said to Finn after their relationship was done because she wanted to be loved more,) and he’s been forced to COMPARE his love for Echo and his love for Clarke, I think NOW he’s seeing the difference, because he’s finally learned what it means to be loved and secure and safe. And NOW he can see that he’s IN love with Clarke, and it wasn’t just a crush or a partner thing, or feelings for all his people, or gratefulness for her saving them. He’s IN LOVE.

[codenamesazanka]

What are your top ten Shigaraki ships (and if you've got time for it: why)?

Oh man! idk if I have enough - if there even is enough - Shigaraki ships (in the traditional romantic sense) to fill ten. Plus I hadn’t ship Shigaraki much with anyone because it wasn’t until recently that he got all this screentime and developing relationships with other characters. 

But going with interesting dynamics and relationships of all types, platonic or romantic or enemy or cautionary or imaginary/fanon (because I’m a sucker for my own imagined potential of a relationship) or canon(ish), and which ones intrigues/affects/impacts me the most? and then ranking them??? impossible hmm

(using the names and honorifics the characters call Shigaraki for some variation and also because I’m a weeb) (also ranking is suspect because I’m bad at making decisions)

10. Shigaraki and Bakugou

I didn’t actually like Bakugou until his Remedial Course mini-arc, and so didn’t pay attention to him much. So I was surprised when Shigaraki wanted Bakugou for his League. It wasn’t until I understood Shigaraki much better and finally took the effort to consider Bakugou’s side of things that I found myself wishing they had more interaction during his kidnapping. Because here was Shigaraki going 110% to woo Bakugou into joining him, he had honestly thought the boy would make a good Villain. And there was Bakugou who was adamant about being a Hero despite not being very Heroic. We could’ve had a great look (if Bakugou ever talked) into Heroes and Villains and motivations and more stuff about how they’re two sides of the same coin… or so I wish, making this a purely speculation about a battle of ideas and these two enemies coming to a grudging respect. But that’s all over now. 

9. Shigaraki and Twice

Shigaraki took off Twice’s mask to shut him up (sorta), then put it back on for him! If that isn’t the most warmhearted mean thing to do. Twice is very much invested in the League and I wanna see Shigaraki appreciating that. Is Twice the first member to get to touch Shigaraki’s hands? To measure them for a clone? Very big deal. Not a very intense dynamic, but good fun downtime Villain Out Shopping fluff. 

8. Shigaraki and Mr. Compress

Gotta say it’s @happojin’s ficlet about these two scheming over personal revenge on Overhaul that got me intrigued in this no-ideology partnership-in-pure-villainy. Mr. Compress is the exact type of chaos-loving dramatic criminal that’s right up his boss’ alley, though I can see too much of it getting onto Shigaraki’s nerves - which makes for good, mischievous conflict. These two would blow up buildings purely for fun and I wanna see that joy on their faces. But also! Not yet knowing the reason for Mr. Compress join the League makes for great speculation - like maybe he’s just enamored with Shigaraki’s spirit and youth (that makes him feel young himself???) that he’ll be okay with losing an arm and poverty and getting kicked around by a giant naked mountain man for a month. We see Mr. Compress with Shigaraki in chapter 114, calling Toga (for Shigaraki?) and I want to think it’s Mr. Compress fancying himself as Shigaraki’s (all) right hand man. 

7. Doctor and Shigaraki

The Doctor is creepy and I’m iffy about him cuz, well, he’s creepy but he sure is making the plot move forward and now he’s the guy who will be giving the League zany inventions like some episodic comedic cartoon. If it wasn’t so horrifying that they’re Noumus. But mostly, this is a guy who knew Shigaraki from childhood, who preserved (and maintained???) the hands, who Shigaraki is familiar with but also knows nothing about. What stories can you tell us about Shigaraki, Doc? I wanna know. I’m scared, but I wanna know.

6. Giran and Shigaraki-san

How long have they known each other??? (Consider - middle-aged seen-his-shit-in-the-underworld-and-now-respected-broker Giran having to be polite to a sulky teenaged Shigaraki and needing to address him as ‘san’ - idk, maybe I’m getting the nuance there wrong but… hilarity) What other dealings have they done? Giran sure is a champ to lose five fingers for Shigaraki and the League - is the League his best customer? Did Shigaraki ‘inherit’ the use of the broker from AFO? Has Giran met AFO? I guess this is just me wanting to know more about Giran, and Shigaraki is the proxy for that. But I wanna know! I wanna see them interact when Shigaraki rescues Giran. 

5. All Might and Shigaraki(Shimura Tenko)

I love my Shimura Tenko gets a father figure in All Might AUs! I’m writing one lol. But I acknowledge this is less about the characters themselves and more about the exploration of a legacy that ties them together. Cuz I love that shit. I love the idea of All Might being such a loyal disciple that he would do anything for the grandson of Nana - except it’s just that, he’s only chasing after a reminder of Nana. What would he do with Shigaraki/Tenko himself? And I love the idea of Shigaraki/Tenko deciding how to incorporate the tale of the sordid Shimura family into his life - if he chooses to do so at all. Lots of family/identity drama. Also completely in headcanon territory. Ah well.

4. Toga and Tomura-kun

The recent chapters have really up my interest in the friendship/siblinghood/whatever admiration Toga has for Shigaraki. She calls him Tomura-kun, which yes it’s expected of her as a cute high schooler; but no one else has ever called Shigaraki just his first name besides AFO. And Shigaraki seems to have a soft spot for her? He’s been very nice to all of the League, but for someone who immediately hated her at first sight cuz she was a ‘brat’ who didn’t make any sense, that’s the biggest attitude change. Right now, they’re confirmed to be the youngest and closest in age of the League, and I like the idea of them being able to be ‘young people these days’ together and relate to one another. Toga is very loyal to Shigaraki, but not above stabbing him should he be a jerk. Like with Twice, I wanna see Shigaraki be appreciative, or rather, I wanna see another scene where he’s really nice to her (the first one being, of course, that Overhaul arc flashback). 

Also they were in an omake drama CD being silly and if that isn’t the best thing.

3. Kurogiri and Shigaraki Tomura

Hmmm I’m lazy and I already planned a whole post dedicated to analyzing their relationship, so I’m gonna skip this. I’ll edit with the link to that post later!

2. Shigaraki and Spinner! In danger of being an OTP for me, which isn’t hard cuz I don’t have any other

The only romantic relationship on this list. Spinaraki. Like I said before, though Shigaraki was really the only option after Stain, Spinner was so clearly ready to believe in Shigaraki, to follow him, because he wanted the League to change the world. That’s a lot of faith put onto someone who is Shigaraki (I mean, look at him, he’s a skinny NEET goth), so much so Spinner, implied to have not been a criminal before joining the League, is ready to kill (and does). That’s intriguing enough, and then comes his month long observation diary about his leader. Who he still stays with after knowing Shigaraki’s very-not-Stain-like-nor-revolutionary plans. And now we wait for the climax of his journey of wavering loyalty. True, a lot of it is my own hyped-up imagination but I’m enjoying it. If Spinner stays and become Shigaraki’s most loyal follower, that is so my shit I’m going to die. I’m gonna die anyways whenever they interact in the near future chapters. 

1. All For One and Tomura

What is there to say about…. this? It haunts me. It’s number one on this list cuz it’s the dynamic that I think about most, has impacted me most (Chapter 222 was a lot to handle), and it’s like trying to untangle thorny vines. Gotta say, in my intepretation, it’s a very accurate portrayal - from Shigaraki’s side - of caring about someone who has hurt you a lot, and you know it. But it’s the person you knew best and depended on when there was no one else, and you’re always going to have their influence - of which includes positive things. It’s one of the very few portrayal that gets all the paradoxical messy details while being explicitly clear to the reader it’s wrong, Shigaraki doesn’t deserve this. It’s also clear that while AFO may have affection for people, that doesn’t matter. He’s a monster. Still wrong, and cruel. And I think that’s important to show, important to depict and an important message told well. Now all that’s left is to wait to see what Shigaraki will do now and how this bond will break. 

This to be absolutely clear, this isn’t a ‘ship’, it’s a portrayal of an abused child solider that is now flourishing away from his guardian and I’m hopeful for the future. And it’s so poignant to me, that a story is tackling this. Gets it. Its a dynamic I’m invested in because it’s a story of survival and I will see it through.

-

Honorable mentions? I wanna see Shigaraki and Hawks. That should be interesting. 

I used to like ShigaDabi, but mostly because it was available. I’ve got no opinions about it now. :/

-

Thanks for reading!

[robininthelabyrinth]

Fic: An Internal Affair - Chapter 8 (Ao3 link)

Fandom: The Flash Pairing: Leonard Snart/Barry Allen

Summary: Leonard Snart, the CCPD Captain of Internal Affairs, is known as Captain Cold for a very good reason: He hates corrupt cops with a merciless vengeance, and once you’re on his list, you’re in serious trouble.

His next target?

A CCPD lab tech named Barry Allen who’s developed a suspicious habit of disappearing at random intervals.

————————————————————————————���————

Barry's got hearts in his eyes, a song on his lips, and he feels like he could fly.

Not literally, which is a good thing - he can run up sheer building faces if he builds up enough speed, apparently, but flying is still out of the question at the moment, though Cisco, while musing, said something mildly terrifying about the possibility of creating lift using Barry's legs to make a cyclone - but just, you know, metaphorically.

Okay, yes, his life still sucks in basically every way: Captain Cold is still at large and gunning for both of Barry's personas, Iris is still on the new task force (officially, it's supposed to be an investigative and analytical unit dealing in unusual phenomena in Central, but given its new precinct nickname as the Anti-Flash Task Force, Barry's got his doubts), the Man in Yellow is still out there and Barry's no closer to either catching him or proving his dad's innocence, Barry's still having a crisis of conscience over whether what he's doing as the Flash is the right thing to do or not...

But!

His date with Len was - amazing.

Barry's never connected so easily with someone. They talked about - everything. His dad, Iris - Len was so understanding about what Barry was going through, and he opened up, too, about his best friend and his complicated relationship with his sister...

They even root for the same sports teams!

(Okay, Central City only has the ones, but whatever, it's nice to commiserate with someone who understands the sheer euphoric misery of rooting for the worst team in the league...)

Seriously, that might have been the best date of Barry's life, and he's still not sure if Len wants to be more-than-friends or just keep it platonic.

Barry knows which one he'd prefer.

God, he's still not over how absolutely it was. Barry actually had the chance to talk about Iris, really talked about her instead of lying about the depth of his feelings about her, and instead of being repelled, Len understood.

"She's your anchor," Len told him, a small, fond smirk curling his lips. "Someone fundamental. Someone necessary for you to be you. I get that."

For Len, his first anchor had been his sister. He'd practically raised her; she'd been the center of his world for a long time. Only after she grew up did he make a conscious effort to distance himself - for her own benefit, he said wistfully, to make sure she had the room to spread her wings and fly - but Barry can tell that Len still cares for her deeply.

Just like he cares for his best friend, Mick. That's the one in the hospital, following the incident that Len didn't want to talk about – if Barry's theories about Len's history were right, probably the criminal job gone wrong that ultimately inspired Len to get out of the business and go straight, though of course it could be anything. Len made it very clear that while they were purely platonic, he considered his relationship with Mick to be as important as any other relationship in his life, and that he wouldn't sacrifice it for anything, not even while Mick stayed in the coma.

Barry gets that. He totally gets it, really - it's the same way with him and Iris. Sure, he's also in love with her, but he knows by now that barring something horrific happening that he would never wish on anyone, much less his best friend, he's probably not going to be with her, and, well, he's learning to be okay with that. But even accepting that, in no universe can he imagine a life without Iris, a world where she isn't his best friend and a part of his life.

Maybe that's why Barry empathizes with Len so strongly over his situation.

God, it's just occurring to him that Iris was in Len's exact situation - Barry in a coma for nine months, with no idea if he'd ever wake up...

No wonder her bond with Eddie is so strong. He was there for her when she really needed someone.

Yeah, Barry's - no, saying he's okay with it is a lie, but he thinks he's starting to really see a path forward.

That path doesn't lead to the house he'd always dreamed he'd live in, with Iris and their kids calling him Dad and complaining about their day as they settle down to dinner, no, but maybe to something near that: an apartment down the street from Iris' house, swinging by in the afternoon to cries of "Uncle Barry!", Eddie and Iris beckoning him into the living room for homemade smoothies and neighborhood gossip, Eddie looking at Iris with pride and love in his eyes when he thinks she's not looking and Barry watching them both, his heart full, not of jealousy, but of pride and joy that they're letting him be involved...

A pair of hands falling onto his shoulders from behind, a charming smile and a habitually insincere apology about running late after getting caught up at work as Len leans down and presses his lips to Barry's cheek -

Whoa, there, Barry tells himself firmly. Definitely getting ahead of myself there.

Pretty nice to daydream about, though...

"I bet we get another postponement," Detective Lloyd groans in Barry's ear. "What a waste!"

Barry twitches, knocked out of his cheerful musings.

Right.

He's technically at work.

Only technically, though - he's at court to testify about one of the crime scenes he examined and the results of the tests he conducted, including the one that led to the defendant's arrest on numerous charges. It isn't Barry's favorite part of his job - far from it - but it's necessary, and he doesn't mind it.

Besides, if he's finished all of his currently ongoing projects by the time court starts, he gets whatever remains of the day after the court hearing off of work without using up any of his (rapidly dwindling) vacation time.

"I think there's a chance we'll be heard today," Barry says encouragingly to the man. He’s not exactly thrilled to be stuck here with Detective Walter Lloyd, the investigating detective assigned to the same case, but it could be worse. They've been on the same case team a few times, Barry and Detective Lloyd - he'd made it clear that they weren't close enough for Barry to get to use 'Walter', but other than that, Barry thought they worked pretty decently together. Lloyd never questioned Barry's results and even sometimes took Barry's suggestions.

Of course, he has a bad habit of always asking Barry to get him his coffee...

"Yeah, maybe," Detective Lloyd says skeptically. "I bet the perp's lawyers are doing this on purpose, getting us called in and then making a whole bunch of motions so we're just stuck out here, waiting..."

"I'm sure that's not it."

"Shows what you know. Hey, were you planning on getting something from the canteen?"

"I wasn't, actually," Barry says, but he's already resigned.

"Great! Could you get me a coffee? Two sugars, no milk. You're a real pal; I'm dying here."

Barry really wants to tell him to go to hell, but he is getting a bit restless. Might as well go to the canteen.

Maybe Iris' occasional accusation that Barry's a bit of a pushover has a tiny little bit of merit...

Barry's already gone down the stairs and is halfway down the hall when he hears it.

Someone's talking about the Streak in one of the courtrooms!

It must be a hearing related to one of the people Barry caught during one of his earlier exploits, he guesses. He can't resist slipping in through the door to listen, wondering what they're saying about him.

Maybe this will help Barry with his moral crisis regarding what to do about the Anti-Flash Task Force, which has only gotten worse.

Once Joe stopped being ridiculous and trying to forbid Iris from getting involved with the task force at all without explaining why (a futile attempt that only served to piss her off more), he announced that they needed to get Eddie to start feeding Team Flash information from the Force so they could start throwing them off the scent at once. Wells agreed, pointing out that this Force could represent a real threat to Barry's ability to protect the city as the Flash.

Barry expressed his concern - that this was the good intentioned path to corruption - but both Joe and Wells thought he was being unreasonable.

Barry doesn't trust Joe's opinion when he's on a West family warpath, though, and he's still conflicted. Some solid evidence of the good that he's doing would be a great way to reaffirm that he's doing the right thing...

"- in fact, your Honor, not a single policeman can testify to having seen my client committing any crime whatsoever," the lawyer standing before the bar is saying.

The judge is frowning at him. "Are you actually saying that the case against the defendant should be dismissed for lack of, what, eyewitness evidence?"

Yeah, that's totally not going to work - Barry doesn't need to be a lawyer to know that. Most cases these days get proven by circumstantial evidence, not direct eyewitness testimony.

"No, your Honor, not at all," the lawyer says politely. "This is a question of evidence, and whether the State has sufficient grounds to even bring these charges. This case isn't just circumstantial - it's a fabrication! My client and his associates were not arrested in the midst of committing a crime, as the prosecution suggests; on the contrary, every policeman here will testify that the first time they saw my client and his associates was when they appeared, sitting on the ground, in the front hall of the police station."

Oh, Barry remembers this one: they'd been trying to rob a jewelry store when he'd nabbed them.

"And what of the suggestion by the prosecution that your client was brought to the police station specifically to prevent him from committing the crime in question?" the judge asks.

"As I stated earlier, your Honor, the only facts that are accepted are that my client appeared in the police station as the victim of an assault by this so-called Streak," the lawyer says.

What?!

"It was only because he appeared at the station that the police even began investigating my client's activity. There is more than mere reasonable doubt as to what they supposedly 'found' here," the lawyer continues. "This is nothing more than the police sweeping their own incompetence under the rug -"

What?!

"I don't think we need to go that far," the judge says. "On what grounds are you making your motion to dismiss?"

"An illicit search and a violation of the chain of custody for any relevant evidence," the lawyer replies promptly. "Any evidence obtained against my client was unlawfully obtained - the police only began their investigations once my client was in custody. It's all fruit of the poisoned tree."

No, seriously, what the fuck?! Is this lawyer actually trying to get those robbers off the hook by saying that Barry's involvement, what, separated the criminals from the evidence of their crimes so that no one could be sure they were actually committing the crime?!

"I see," the judge says. "An interesting point. What's the prosecution's response?"

Holy crap, is it working?

The prosecutor gets up. "Your Honor, my esteemed colleague has gotten the law of this state exactly backwards," she says. "While it is true that the investigation began after Mr. Daughtry appeared at the police station, that does not render the later-discovered evidence, including the videotapes from the jewelry store showing Mr. Daughtry breaking the lock on the door, videotapes that were obtained pursuant to a lawful warrant, into fruit of the poisoned tree. In fact, as this Court held in Martinez v. State ex rel Gonzalez -"

Barry ducks back out of the courtroom, his good mood well and truly ruined.

He literally caught those guys mid-heist, and they're blaming him for stopping them? Would they have preferred that he wait for them to finish robbing the place first? What a stupid argument!

Ugh.

Lawyers.

Maybe he should look into getting a lawyer's advice as to what would be the best way to keep the chain of custody intact so as not to ruin the evidence for the prosecution of the people he stops...without revealing himself as the Flash. Somehow.

Being a superhero is a lot trickier than Barry originally thought. Justice doesn't end when you've defeated the bad guy, after all.

Ugh, this doesn't help Barry's crisis at all. He'll have to be more careful going forward, obviously, and think more about what he's doing, but that doesn't necessarily mean he should stop or anything. After all, those guys were robbing that store, and the prosecution has video evidence to prove it. Barry's pretty confident the lawyer's argument, however clever, isn't going to fly.

But interfering with an active investigation the way Joe and Professor Wells are suggesting...?

If anyone found out they were doing that, wouldn't that just undermine any future arrests Barry contributes to as the Flash? But, on the other hand, if he gets caught, there won't be anyone to stop the metas, so surely keeping himself free should be the top priority – between saving people from real imminent danger vs. getting the bad guys put away for good, the former is vastly more important.

Clearly Barry needs to keep going.

And yet - where does he draw the line between doing good as the Flash and doing bad things in support of that? Where does it stop being the right thing to do?

What if this is where it starts? A justified, justifiable little thing. And where it ends is - well.

Ralph Dibny.

Barry needs to figure this out. And fast.

And for that, unfortunately, he's going to need help – help straight from the source.

"Where'd you go to get the coffee?" Lloyd complains when he sees Barry coming back. "South America?"

"Uh," Barry says. He'd totally forgotten to get the coffee. "They were - out."

"Typical," Lloyd sighs. "Anyway, one of the jurors got sick, and we got postponed. I told you it'd happen."

"You said it'd be the defense -"

"Whatever. I'm going back to the office; you want a lift?"

"Uh, no, I'm taking the rest of the day off -"

"Right, testifying perk for staff. Doing anything fun?"

"No," Barry says grimly. "Not really."

Barry hasn't exactly kept track of Dibny's whereabouts or anything, but a simple Google search is enough to find a - well, pretty awful and horrifically tacky website advertising the services of Ralph Dibny, Private Investigator, and on the website there's the address of a sketchy downtown office building.

Barry can't believe he's doing this.

Before he can talk himself out of it, though, he zips over to the right address, goes upstairs and knocks at the door with Dibny’s name on it.

"Come in!"

Barry goes in.

It's a ratty little office with Dibny sitting in a chair turned away from the entranceway, facing the window instead of the door.

Weird.

"Welcome to my humble office," Dibny announces in a grandiose manner. "Don't let its appearance mislead you, for I - I am the solution to all of your hopes and dreams and -"

He starts to spin his chair around slowly.

"...oh. It's you." Dibny scowls, dropping the act and spinning the rest of the way around at normal speed. "Barry Allen. What the hell are you of all people doing here?"

Barry's shoulders go straight up to his ears. God, he hates Dibny so much. "What was with that - spin thing, anyway?" he asks instead, because that was weird.

"It's impressive! For the ladies." Dibny's scowl deepens. "I was hoping you were a hot chick."

"Get a lot of those here?" Barry snipes, unable to help himself.

"Don't get a lot of backstabbing cop wannabes, either," Dibny sneers.

"Backstabbing?!"

"Oh, please tell me you've come crawling for my help," Dibny continues. "Because man, turning you down would make my month -"

"What the hell are you on, backstabbing?" Barry demands. He doesn't even care about the 'wannabe' part of it, cops always imagine that everyone not on the beat longs to be, but backstabbing? "What are you talking about? You broke the law! You! That's all on you!"

"You were the one who turned me in!"

"Yeah, I did, because you broke the law. You tried to frame someone!"

"Oh, so what?" Dibny snaps. "We all knew he was guilty -"

"That doesn't give you the right to fake evidence -"

"I was pursuing justice for that poor murdered woman -"

"Oh, bullshit! You didn't care about her. You don’t even remember her name! You just wanted everyone fawning over you for getting the collar -"

"So? That's a reasonable thing to want. There's nothing to say that I can't have them both, is there?"

"Ugh, I can't believe I ever came here," Barry says, scowling. "I must have lost my mind."

He turns to go.

"No, wait!"

Barry pauses and glances back at Dibny, who eels out of his chair and around to the front his desk.

"You came all this way," Dibny says. "You might as well sit down and talk a bit."

He gestures at the empty chair near Barry.

Barry's pretty sure Dibny just wants an excuse to rub this whole thing in Barry's face.

But he does want those answers...

Reluctantly, he steps back away from the door and towards the chair.

"Great!" Dibny says, popping himself onto the desk. He uses the opportunity to shove a folder on his desk underneath his computer, like Barry would even care what sort of stupid cases he’s working on. "No harm in a bit of talking, am I right?"

"I can think of plenty of harm," Barry shoots back. "Mostly to my ears."

"Hey, remember, you're the one who came to me," Dibny points out.

Sadly, he's got a point.

"And speaking of which, what does bring an upstanding member of the CCPD down to my oh-so-humble abode? Got a job you need little old me for?"

"As if," Barry scoffs. Literally never going to happen.

Dibny grits his teeth. “Okay, fine, not a job – you here about the mayor or something?”

“What? No. What does the mayor have to do with anything?”

“He doesn’t,” Dibny says, like that makes any sense. “So it’s information you want, then. You want me to mine my contacts for information -"

"You have contacts? You?" Barry asks. He knows he should stop being a dick, but Dibny makes it so very difficult. "What do you pay them with, birdseed?"

"Hey, I have plenty of contacts," Dibny protests. "And I'll have you know, some of them pay me. A lot, too! I've got all sorts of valuable intel from my time on the force, all the old office gossip, the secret stuff most people don't know - not that you'd know anything about that, you being an antisocial weirdo and all."

"I am not an antisocial weirdo!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not - you know what, this is stupid."

Dibny coughs. "Maybe a bit, yeah. Seriously, though, what do you want? You didn't exactly leave me in a position where I can turn down work." He sounds bitter. "But it damn well better be paying work, Allen, or are you wasting my time?"

"I just want to ask you a few questions," Barry protests.

"I charge by the hour."

"Ugh, fine, whatever. Answer my questions and I'll pay for, like, the fifteen minutes of your time it's going to take."

"For you, Allen? You pay two hours, whether or not we use them."

"No way. Half-hour, max."

"Hour and a half."

"One hour."

"Fine."

"Deal. And you'd better not try to inflate your prices," Barry warns. "I know what you charge; it's on your website."

"Fine, whatever. Cash first."

Barry pulls out some money and tosses it on the desk.

It disappears.

"Okay, fine," Dibny says. "What do you want to know?"

Barry hesitates.

"Listen, ask or don't ask," Dibny says. "I don't care, I've gotten paid either way."

He's such a jackass.

"Why'd you do it?" Barry asks. Then, as Dibny frowns in confuses, adds, "The thing with the knife. Planting evidence."

Dibny looks surprised. "What, that? You already know, don't you? You said it yourself earlier on - I was trying to solve the case."

"I know that much," Barry says impatiently. "But - you couldn't have just woken up one day and decided that was the way to do it, right? You know the rules as well as I do -"

"Maybe not quite as well as you do," Dibny mutters. "Brownnoser."

"- and you knew what you were doing was wrong. So why'd you do it?"

"Because there was no other way to get the guy," Dibny says, like it's obvious. "We exhausted everything else."

"It was still wrong," Barry says. "You broke the law."

"It was getting a criminal off the streets -" Dibny says.

"By becoming one yourself!"

"Oh, grow up, Allen. It's not like fudging a bit of evidence is the same as murdering someone. Besides, I'm a cop - I was a cop. Are you really saying that a cop and an asshole that probably murdered his wife are the same?"

"I'm saying that it's a small step down the same road," Barry says. "If you're cutting corners to get someone off the streets, who's to say you might not decide to shoot someone instead of going to the trouble of arresting them?"

Dibny shrugs, callous as ever. "Maybe for some people that’s how it goes, but not me. I was a cop! A good cop! And I knew this guy was guilty!"

"Just because you believe something doesn't make you right! What if you were wrong, huh? What if he was innocent, and you planting the evidence sent him to prison for a crime he didn't commit? You're not infallible, and you don't get to ignore the laws just because you're a cop. If anything, you're supposed to hold yourself to a higher standard - and you didn't."

"Damnit, Allen, you make it sound like I was actively committing felonies while on the payroll or something. It's not like I was a cop on the Family payroll or anything; we all know who those assholes are and they're freaking untouchable."

Ugh, Dibny sounds almost wistful.

"The department likes to know who the Family leaks are," Barry says, rolling his eyes. He doesn't like it, no one does, but there's no real way to avoid it. "It's not the same thing; no one ever lets them onto anything actually secretive. Besides, it's not like you weren't friends with some of those guys!"

"They were coworkers! It made sense to be friendly with everyone in the department - still does, since it’s the cops I was friendly with who are the only ones with enough compassion to toss me cases when they're available. They know what it's like to need help when money runs tight."

Of course. Barry should've known; it all comes down to money for Dibny.

Or at least, it does now. It hadn't back then.

"It wasn't about money, though, the knife," Barry says, getting back to his point. "You made a decision."

"I made a mistake," Dibny says. "And you took every inch of it out of my ass. Why are you so obsessed about this, anyway?" He grins, wide and malicious. "Thinking about doing some planting yourself?"

"No!" Barry exclaims.

"Oooh, that was quick on the draw - is that guilt I hear? Is pure, perfect Barry Allen - no, you wouldn't. Not you. But maybe someone else - someone you're thinking of covering for...?"

Dibny's eyes glitter like beetles.

"You're disgusting," Barry tells him, scowling. "I have no idea why I thought you might have ever had a sense of morality or that you struggled with the decision or anything -"

"Hey, that's not fair," Dibny protests. "I struggled. I thought about it. But there wasn't any other way, that's all."

"But planting evidence isn't an acceptable way," Barry says, frustrated. "It was better to let him go than to get him the wrong way – they did an informal double check of all your cases, you know, because of that, and the only reason they didn’t officially reopen the whole lot of them was because you quit."

"Because of you."

"Because of you - what you did..." Barry trails off, realizing. "You really just don't get it, do you? You got so good at convincing yourself that it was the right thing to do that you can't bring yourself to admit that you were wrong."

Dibny crosses his arms, glaring. "Oh, whatever, Allen. No one asked for your little pop psychology. Anyway, you haven't told why you want to know."

"Trying to get insight into a case," Barry lies. "That's all."

"A corruption case?" Dibny asks, suddenly looking somewhat concerned. His fingers start playing with the edge of the file he shoved under his desk. "What type? Like - another cop, like me? Or we talking more like blackmailing, bribery, that sort of thing? With whom? Some public official in particular?"

Barry rolls his eyes. Dibny’s probably worried that one of his private investigator cases might get preempted by a real investigation. "You know I can't discuss active cases -"

"With anyone outside the precinct, I know, I know. I used to be a cop, I know the deal. But that's why you can trust me - I'm not about to squeal!"

"Yeah, right," Barry says. "You literally just told me that you exchange information as a business."

"Not about active cases," Dibny says. "Only old stuff, you know, old cases that never got solved or cops that used to be on payroll or stupid shit like that."

"Dibny, even if I was the sort of person who’d tell you stuff about an active case, you also hate me personally and would take any opportunity to throw me under the bus," Barry points out.

"...yeah, fair point." Dibny shrugs. “Is that it, then?”

Barry snorts. "Yeah, that’s it," he says. "Anyway, thanks."

Dibny shrugs a second time, looking somewhat bemused. "Any time, I guess."

Barry goes to the door and opens it.

Then he immediately closes it again.

"What?" Dibny asks.

"Shhhh!" Barry hisses. "There are two Family thugs in your corridor!"

They're immediately recognizable - the dark suits, the swagger, the prison tattoos on their wrists and the Family mark on their necks.

God, Barry hates the Families.

"This isn't exactly a great part of town," Dibny sniffs. "I'm not exactly able to be picky about my neighbors." Still, he hesitates. "Uh, what Family?"

"What? Isn’t there a set territory –”

“I don’t know whose territory this is, Allen! What do they look like?”

“Santinis, I think. Blood sworn."

"Shit," Dibny says. "Probably here for protection stuff, then - oh, not me, Allen, don't look so horrified; I'm much too small fry for them to bother with me."

"Then who? We should -"

"Do nothing," Dibny says firmly. "No one will thank you for it and you know it."

Damnit, but Barry does know it.

As the Flash, sure, he could do something, but - what? It might technically be a crime to belong to a racketeering organization like the Families, but only if you can prove that they've done something. There's no point in dropping these thugs off in the CCPD HQ; they'd be back on the street within the hour, and the Flash would have to tackle mob problems for the rest of his life.

Not ideal.

Barry's definitely not prepared to fight the Families.

"I'll report it to Organized Crime," he decides.

"Like that'll do anything," Dibny snorts. "Oh, hey, say hi to Garry and Willy for me if you do, though."

Barry rolls his eyes. "Sightings are still important to report," he says. "You never know when it might be helpful. And you say hi to them yourself if you want; I'm not going to."

"You're no use to anyone at all, are you, Allen?" Dibny says, rolling his eyes back in an exaggerated fashion. "All high and mighty and self-righteous, and not a shred of sympathy for those you leave in the dust."

"Oh, I've got plenty of sympathy," Barry says, glancing around the dirty little office. Dibny had been a pretty good cop; he deserves better than this. But his own choices have brought him here. Besides, it isn't as though he was convicted or anything, merely fired and informally blackballed; there's nothing stopping him from getting a security job or even switching to another career entirely instead of spending over two years building up a stupid private investigator practice. "But not enough for you to manipulate me with, which I think is your real complaint."

He glances out the door. The Family guys are gone.

"Right," Barry says. "That's all I have. Thanks for the answers."

"Thanks for the easy cash," Dibny replies. "I'd say it was nice to see you again, but, well, it really wasn't."

"Ditto," Barry says, and leaves.

He manages to wait until he's in a secluded alleyway outside before he puts on his speed, even though he's itching to get out of this place.

Still, even at high speed, Barry has a moment or two to reflect.

Talking with Dibny felt utterly pointless, but maybe it wasn't, not really. He'd gone there to find out how Dibny ended up doing what he did, and, well, he's gotten his answer: Dibny convinced himself it was the right and only thing to do, that there was no other way, that it had to be done.

He just couldn't conceive of allowing what he considered to be a miscarriage of justice, and that had been enough to cause him to commit one himself.

He saw himself as above the law.

He wasn't.

And neither is Barry.

Oh, he isn't going to stop being the Flash - the city needs him. Unlike Dibny, he’s actually in a unique situation, with unique powers that make his illicit actions necessary to save people’s lives. He's going to keeping doing what he can to help people and, in the meantime, do what he can to make sure he doesn't get stopped.

But he's not going to let Joe or Eddie compromise their integrity, and the integrity of their work, in the process.

"Hey, Barry!" Cisco exclaims happily when Barry arrives. "Good to see you, man; we missed you yesterday."

"How did court go?" Caitlin asks.

"It didn't," Barry tells her with a shrug. "We got a postponement. But I still get the second half of the day off!"

"I'm glad to hear that, Mr. Allen," Wells says from behind Barry, causing him to jump a little. "Does that mean you'll be working with us on your speed for the rest of the afternoon?"

"That's right," Barry says, already mentally girding himself. "I need to get faster. A lot faster. There's no other way to defeat the Man in Yellow. That's the top priority right now."

"That's right," Wells says. "After all, we must make sure to prioritize what's really important. Isn't that right, Mr. Allen?"

"Absolutely," Barry says, thinking of his decision to stay on the right side of the law as much as possible and feeling good about it. He made the right choice; he's sure of it. "That's totally right."

"I'm glad we agree," Wells says, and smiles.

[gogoms]

Balance - ZYX (A)

Zhang Yixing x Reader

Genre: Angst

Disclaimer: This work is pure fiction.  I do not own any of the characters. I do not accept reproduction or plagiarism.    +    Mentions of self-harm, depression.

Summary: You and Yixing were made for each other. But, fate can be cruel sometimes. 

Okay, guys! So this basically my first work and I’m so eager to have your opinion about it. I choose Yixing because I have unsolved feelings for EXO and I feel like we don’t see him often on Tumblr fics. So yeah, I hope you enjoy!

P.S: Depending on what you guys think I may or may not do a part 2.

For a stranger, you and Yixing looked like best friends, or maybe lovers. But you knew your relationship was much more than that. It was platonic, nearly cosmic.

Whenever he was feeling down, you were affected too. Your joy was his like his tears were yours.

It feels like a single soul divided into two separated bodies. You were completing each other so well, anybody swore you knew each other since birth. And, if it weren’t for the contrasting differences in your physical appearances, they would easily mistake you two as twins.

You still remember your first encounter. A cafe, late at night, void of presence except for the beaming barista typing eagerly on his phone to, you assumed, his lover. At that time, you weren’t fond of any kind of relationship. You still enjoyed a good night out with your closest friends but, you were so dedicated to your job, sharing a type of commitment with it.

Your everyday life consisted of work, coffee, night out and little sleep. You went past a point where sleep wasn’t an important factor of your life and your sleep-deprived body was balancing itself with the outrageous amount of caffeine you were gulping on a daily basis.

Stretching the sore muscles of your back, you sighted as you relaxed. You extended your arm in order to grasp the cup containing the precious brown liquid that gives you your energy shot for the rest of the night. Putting the cup at your lips, you grimaced when you feel the precious nectar being as hot as Seoul in December. Sighting again, you lay on the table and shield your exhausted face with your arm. Maybe having a nap here wouldn’t be an awful idea.

No. You have to finish this article! Groaning again, you shift on the other side to enjoy the view displaying before your eyes. The view that was, matter-of-factly, reduced by the weight of your eyelids.

You were on the verge of having your mental breakdown. You didn’t know what to do. Should you nap or throw my coffee at this poor barista with his dumb smile? At least, the latter will give you enough of adrenaline to pull through the night and he would stop his high-pitched giggling.

As you were extending your arm to execute the vain attempt to sense the pleasurable pumping in your veins, you felt the air shift.

Immediately, all your previous tiredness vanished as you straightened yourself on your seat.

To say you were nervous about the person invading your personal space would be an understatement. First, you exclude the fact that it was the teenage barista because of his incessant cackling. Plus, the night was falling outside so odd people were starting to wander on the streets.

Still refusing to look at the person in front of you, you glued your eyes on the table and scanned it. Everything seemed normal, except for the hot beverage placed right in front of you.

As you were lifting your eyes to meet the stranger, he cleared his throat.

“I asked the barista about what you usually take. He said that if I wanted to seduce you, I should buy an Extra large Americano without any sugar, just black. So, here I am.” He said flashing you the brightest smile you’ve ever seen.

If it wasn’t for the artificial lighting on the ceiling, his smile certainly would have lit up the whole room. Avoiding his gaze, you lost yours on the now almost-empty street.

“ - So this is the moment I thank you and I give you my number? Because that’s what I’ve seen in dramas.

⁃ Well, as much as I would love to have you in my contact list, I would prefer to chat a bit more beforehand?

⁃ Oh C'mon! Having chitchat is the lamest thing on earth, can’t we just skip this part and directly make out?”

Smirking, you arched an eyebrow suggestively to emphasized your proposition. Maybe it was the tiredness that made you declaring nonsense or maybe it was due to the sole presence of the kind and handsome stranger in front of you, you actually couldn’t decipher.

Your train of thoughts was interrupted as you heard him snort not-so-subtly at your antics.

“ - I’m not that easy of a catch...” he trailed off not knowing your name.

“ - Y/N. But you can call me tonight.” You added winking exaggeratedly.

Another bubbly laugh escaped his lips as he handed you his phone for you to write your phone number in it.

“I’m Yixing.”

By the way, you two encountered and how you bonded fast to a rate you seemed to be one entity, you thought your relationship will be everlasting and unbreakable.

But now, when he is standing in front of you the widest smile you’ve ever seen and his sparkling eyes, you could easily pinpoint it at the moment everything went downhill.

You should have known better. Because you easily felt it the exact moment he entered your home; you knew something was off. But you choose not to care, maybe because you were afraid of what words would pass his lips if you questioned him on what’s wrong.

You should have though.

Because the moment those words were spoken, you felt shattered.

“I have a girlfriend.” He said confidently, turning to you to see your reaction.

You turned to look at him and plastered the fakest smile you’ve ever made, hoping he wouldn’t see past it.

“That’s so great Xing! Since when?”

If he did notice something, he didn’t point it out.

You knew, deep down you knew. That what you were feeling for him was more than platonic, that you loved him. And now that he is talking about her like she is some kind of goddess, you wanted nothing more than to rip this smile of his face and yelled that you realized that you love him.

But you did not. You sat there, a blank expression plastered on your face, asking yourself why he didn’t see you all this time.

The reality hit you in the face, he turned his back to you. You’ve been replaced by someone obviously more significant.

Maybe it was the way you constantly swear or your passive-aggressive mood that gross him out. You didn’t know and you couldn’t ask.

You felt them, the invisible traces on your skin. Itching and hurting with force, you wanted nothing but to open them again at that moment. You wanted nothing more than to sleep, eternally. You were void of feelings and your heart stone-cold.

Yixing did notice. The way you stop talking, the desperation in your eyes even though you were smiling, the tears threatening to fall from your eyes, the constant scratches on your forearms. He noticed all of that. Of course, he did, how could he not? Every single movement of yours was a spell cast on him, he couldn’t even turn his attention away from you.

He had eyes only for you.

And to see you like this, he wanted nothing more than to canceled everything just to seek the warmth of your embrace.

He never hated his family more than this moment. You, the love of his life, shattered right in front of him because of a stupid wedding.

He wanted to tell you, to tell you everything since the beginning but he couldn’t resolve himself to do it. You were his salvation, his home, everything he was desperately looking for.

But he couldn’t have you, never.

Sighing, you felt him stand up from the couch, murmuring those last word as a farewell.

“I’m so sorry. I love you.”

[petersshirts]

To New Beginnings | Part 4

Masterlist || Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 3

summary: everything changes and you gotta deal with the consequences

words: 3092

a/n: ayy, here comes part 4! I’m so happy that a lot of you are loving this series so much! hope you enjoy, leave me your thoughts in the comments!

The rain was pouring outside while you stared onto the wall, exhausted. You weren’t sure how and why last night had happened, but Tom and you had slept with each other, again.

And this time, there was no purpose behind it, just pure lust. And you had enjoyed it a lot. You closed your eyes, trying to get the pictures out of your mind.

He’s still your best friend, Y/N, you don’t have that kind of feelings for him. You knew that there was a stronger bond growing between the two of you, but it was not love for you. How should this work if you were falling in love with your best friend while he thought that everything was just platonic?? But he had kissed you first…

Your thoughts were interrupted when Tom entered the kitchen. He was shirtless and you tried not to focus on his abs but it was way too hard. Damn it.

„Morning.“ Tom smiled at you with a raspy voice and opened the fridge to find something to eat. „Good morning,“ you whispered, trying to avoid the dreading conversation that you knew was coming. You sipped on your tea, fearing that you would just stand there and have no answers at all.

When Tom finally found a yoghurt and some berries for his breakfast, he sat down next to you and started eating. You didn’t speak and for the first time in a while, it was an uncomfortable silence. You had no idea to start up a conversation, but your best friend was the one that took it in his own hands.

„So, about last night…“ You just nodded, urging him to go on and make his feelings clear first.

„Do you regret it?“ At these words, you looked up and looked into your best friends desperate eyes. There was doubt behind his eyes, but you weren’t sure if it was just that.

It would be the easiest to just lie and you told him that it was not the best idea and just get on with life, but you were not a liar. You had never been.

„No, I don’t, T. But don’t think that this should change anything between us. All my emotions are so much higher than they normally are and all my feelings were in overdrive yesterday. But I don’t think that it’s a good idea to start anything because you’re my best friend.“

It was a final decision, but you knew that there was a lot of love in you for Tom. But you weren’t sure if it was more love for a friend or real love. Tom nodded, a small smile on his lips.

„I don’t regret it either. And I know what you mean, I just really liked the night we had a month ago. But I promise that we will work this out, for our baby.“

You were not really sure about what his words he had really meant, but you knew that it was better this way. In any other way, you would have split up and never talked to each other again. But there was still a human being in your body that was a responsibility for the both of you. So you did what you do best - you tried to make everything right.

__________________________________________________

The first trimester of your pregnancy was slowly coming to an end and with that, your emotions went back to the right place. You and Tom were the perfect team, always working together and still enjoying life together. Toms mum had found a nice big apartment with 3 bedrooms in South London and when you took a look at the big loft, you immediately took it.

In only two weeks, you tidied your whole apartment and put all your stuff in boxes, ready to move into this beautiful new place. The two of you shared the rent, even though Tom protested. But you were not up for arguing - you didn’t want him to pay for everything for you; you were independent and could pay for your own and the new family member.

In the middle of your four month, you finally moved in together. The two of you shared a bedroom because Tom insisted that he wanted to always have you close to him, in case something happened. You just rolled your eyes, knowing that it was not that hard to run into the next room if you needed help, but knowing how stubborn he could be, you said yes. The bed was very big so there could also live a third person in the middle of it.

It took you only two days to move all your stuff in and decorate everything like you wanted. You felt so much better and stronger; you were so happy that for once, you could be a bit more productive.

Tom still had one project to film, but it was here in London, so he was never far from home. You could finally get some writings done for the job that you still wanted to send in; since you were working from home, it felt like you didn’t even take a breath to start a new life or rather create a life.

Autumn started to kick in in the UK so it was raining literally almost every day.

One morning, Tom was already gone and you had also some plans with your sister who was in London for a few days. You stepped into the bathroom and when you stood there, looking into the mirror, you realised that your stomach was a bit rounder than it was normally. You stared at yourself, stroking your stomach. Oh my god oh my god.

Ms Roseville had told you that it would be any day now till your baby bump started to show but you were definitely not prepared for it. A scream came out of your mind and you ran back into your bedroom, grabbing your phone and dialling Toms number.

You had been talking about the baby bump for a long time - it was always weird to say that you were pregnant when there was no bump at all. Also at this stage of the pregnancy, there was only a slim chance to have a miscarriage so you could tell your family.

But first, you needed to tell your best friend the good news.

Tom had just finished filming a scene when Harrison, who was not just his best friend but also his assistant, came running with Toms phone.

„Tom, it’s Y/N. And it’s important.“ Toms' eyes widened and he ripped the phone out of Harrison's hand, hoping that nothing bad had happened. „Y/N? Are you okay??“

„The baby is showing, T! I have a baby bump!“ You literally screamed into his ears, not able to contain your excitement. Toms frown was replaced by a big smile that would not go anywhere for the rest of the day. „That’s so great!! Can you send me a picture? Oh my god, I can’t believe everything is going so great!“ Tom was so happy, happy that this didn’t feel like a dream anymore.

„Yes, I will send you one! Now we can tell our family!“ That sentence made Toms' stomach churn. His mum always wanted for him to find the love of his life and start a life with kids, a house and a dog. She always talked about the dream of hers; how should Tom tell her that a baby was already on the way but not with the woman her mum wanted him to be with??

When Tom stayed quiet, you knew what he was feeling. It was not that easy to tell everyone around you that you were expecting with your best friend. The only ones who knew were Harrison and your sister. She had given you advice so she wouldn’t stop asking so you needed to tell her.

„T, it’s gonna be fine. Ask your parents if we can come over for dinner this week and we will tell them together. They love us both and they will understand it, okay? They will love Bear just as much as we do.“ Tom smiled again, so happy that he had you by his side. With you, everything was just half as bad as he thought it would be.

„Okay. What about your parents though?“ You sighed. Your parents were divorced since you and your sister had been little kids; the two of you had stayed with your mother while your Dad found a new wife and moved to the US. You only talked once in a while, mostly at Christmas but it was hard for the two of you to talk about anything - so how should you tell him that you were pregnant and the father was your best friend? And that it was planned?

„When you come home this evening, we can FaceTime my mum together. I’m not sure if I should tell my dad, but I think he deserves to know. He still loves me, it’s just hard for us to communicate.“

„Okay, we will figure something out. I will see you later!“

And with that, he hangs up and you were lost in own thoughts, not knowing how to tell your parents. You knew that Mom wanted for you to have children like your sister did, but you knew also that she wasn’t sure if you would ever find someone. It was hard with her sometimes.

You spent the afternoon together with your sister, who was in London for only two days, so you showed her around and she was so happy that you were finally showing. But the day came to an end very fast and you had to say goodbye to Mia but not before promising that Tom and you would come to visit her and her family soon.

_____________________________________

You arrived back home when it was already getting dark. When you opened the door, a heavenly smell reached your nose. You heard rumbling in the kitchen and when you came closer, you saw Tom, trying to make dinner.

He hadn’t noticed you yet and you just watched him while he was busy with cooking some pasta.

„Hey there, cook.“ You finally made yourself noticeable and Tom turned around fast with a scary look on his face. But when he saw that it was only you, a big smile came onto his face and he hugged you close. When he let you go, he stared on your stomach and smiled when he could see the small bump.

„It’s really happening,“ he whispered. You rubbed his shoulder, happy that he was feeling the same as you. Suddenly, there was a loud beeping sound, indicating that the food was ready. Tom ran back to his pots what got a laugh out of you. He’s such a dork.

The night was spent just like the old times - the two of you told each other about your day and Tom told you a lot of funny anecdotes from the set. But there was one thing in the room you wanted to avoid - the talk to your parents. But nevertheless, you called your mum on Facetime, with Tom sitting next to you as a support.

Her face popped up after a few seconds. „Hey, honey! It’s so nice talking to you again! And oh hi Tom!“ Tom waved at your mother and greeted her politely, just like a gentleman. Since when did he start acting like that?

„Are you alright? Is everything good at home?“ You asked her, dreading the words you had to tell her. „Yes everything is fine, but that’s not why you called me, am I right?“ Your mum raised an eyebrow and you could see through the screen that she knew exactly that something was going on.

You sighed, looking at Tom, who was not really helping. You had to tell her alone.

„Mum, I’m pregnant.“

Your mothers' eyes widened and she just looked at you, completely shocked. „Are you kidding me??“ You shook your head. „No mum, I’m not. I’m just entering the fifth month.“

A smile came onto your mums' features but I slowly faded when she asked: „But who’s the father?? You didn’t have a boyfriend or even a husband when we talked the last time!“ Before you could answer, Tom raised his hand. „It’s me, Mrs Y/L/N, I’m the father.“ And now your mum was in complete shock. It was quiet and you had no idea what to do. „Mum, are you still there?“

She blinked her eyes, finally coming back to her self. „B - but you’re just friends! When did you decide to do something so absurd??“ „No Mum, it’s not. We decided this together because we both want a child and we know each other very well. You can’t change it anymore, it’s too late for that.“ As a support, Tom put his arm around your shoulder. Your mum saw the gesture and just nodded slowly, trying to understand the situation.

„Don’t you leave her, Holland!“ And with that, everything was fine. She accepted the way you both had gone and now she wanted to know all the details and you happily answered all of her questions, happy that she supported your decision and be a grandmother for her third grandchild.

After an hour, you finally hang up and called your dad, but he was not available, so you just left him a message, telling him to call you soon.

Tom and you would go to his parents' house next week, telling them the news.

They took it very well - they were so happy that you two had both settled down but Sam, one of Toms younger brothers, was a bit sceptical.

„What if you find a girl or Y/N a boy when your kid is like two years old?“ Sam raised an eyebrow, and Tom just shrugged his shoulders. „We will figure it out. And I’m not going to leave my child or Y/N, I don’t want her to raise a kid alone,“ he said, completely sure of himself. You smiled that he cared so much, and you nodded at his answer. „Yes, I think so too, I would not leave Bear behind.“

And with that, you moved on. The baby bump was getting bigger and bigger and after one week, Bear moved for the first time. You could feel a weird feeling in your stomach but you were prepared - Ms Roseville had told you that the baby was getting more active and moving around. You told the news to Tom who was just as excited as you are, but he was also sad that he couldn’t feel it from the outside - that would only happen in your sixth month.

There were only four months left til you would go into labour and your doctor had recommended booking your childbirth class. Tom wanted to come along so one Friday afternoon when Tom had a day off, you drove to the building where the class was held. There were pregnant women with their partners all around you, and it was weird. They were all in a relationship or married; and Tom and you stood there, two best friends who felt a bit lost.

„Alright everyone, please sit down!“ A tall woman who seemed to be your instructor spoke up and Tom helped you sit down so you were facing the woman. She had a bright smile on her face and she looked like she wanted to birth all these kids all by herself. The pain was nothing for her.

„Good afternoon, I hope you are all good and your babies are well.“ She looked around, searching for all the nods in the crowd. You nodded too, excited about what was about to come. Tom, who sat behind you, just chuckled at your excitement.

„You all have around four months left till you go into labour but we want to prepare you through the last part of the second trimester and the third trimester to give birth to your child. It will be a one in a lifetime experience and I know that a lot of you will be scared. And that’s why we have this class and you have your partner who will be by your side.“

And with that, the class started. The woman showed you a few poses you could also try at home and while everyone was concentrating on getting it right, Tom and you were laughing constantly. Tom was holding you at your waist and you were pretty ticklish around there so you were giggling constantly. You were getting rude glances from everyone around the room, but you honestly didn’t care. You were going to push a child out of your vagina, so you could at least be a bit positive. The instructor was delighted by your optimism and when you left the class, it didn’t seem so hard.

Everything would be fine, you had Tom by your side.

The days passed and Tom was constantly by your side, watching your bump grow bigger and bigger. For you, it didn’t feel like you were just best friends anymore. You were now connected by a bond that no one could ever take away from you. You were so excited t have a baby together and you were so ready to spend the next twenty years with Tom by your side. He was your partner; your partner in crime or your real partner, however, you wanna call it.

Whenever he was around, you smiled at him like was the sun. There were thoughts of kissing him but you tried to push them into the back of your mind. Everything is great, why would you ruin it?

But when the third trimester and the last part of the pregnancy started, something changed.

But who was the one that had caused it?

__________________________________________________-

If you would like to be tagged, please send me an ask!

permanent tag list

@smexylemony @ive-got-more-wit @lou-la-lou @loxbbg @seanna313

to new beginnings taglist:

@underoos-shield @hannahbanana72 @gerardway-has-socks-yeah @dragonqueendany @requested-memory @thejourneyneverendsx @spidergal1216 @p-writes @deathofthethrones @aelin-firehearts-court @baby-iloveyourway @hangry-and-sarcastic @nataliebartell @jayacharlotte @vxidnik @dangerousluv1 @loxbbg @littlekidsteve @annathesillyfriend @arabellaaurorabarnes @johannalauraaa @peterfromtheavengers @bubbash125 @wheezy-wheezing @lovemusicpretty @letthembehappymcu @istartedschooltoday @gerim-1995

[five-wow]

to avoid extreme spam of anyone brave enough to follow me, i’m putting all of my 9.12 thoughts in one post. tl;dr: i loved it.

the (much, much) longer version:

the “previously on” starts with scenes from episode three or four of season one oh gosh

THIS IS A GRACE HIGHLIGHTS REEL. I’M ALREADY EMOTIONAL

first question of the night: rachel wakes up and finds that grace didn’t come home so she jumps in the car and races to danny’s, but where did she leave charlie in the middle of the night??? i’m assuming he was with her

i’ve already seen this very first bit in one of the previews but still: grace was driving a car that stan bought her two weeks ago and that DIDN’T HAVE PLATES YET and nobody told danny. there are so many things wrong with that

these actors are both so good in their despair though. the opening credits are just now starting and my heart has already been squeezed to a pulp???

steve!!! the very first thing we see after the credits is steve, sick with worry, half running into the hospital and speeding up when he sees danny to wrap him in a hug. he does this little hop thing?? that kills me??

so steve squeezes danny (and it kind of looks a little like danny was going for a handshake bro hug thing but steve just bulldozered over him and gave him the real hug they should be having? good steve) and then he rushes to rachel to hug her too, like a matter of course. i like that

oh noooo. the other girl’s dad turns up and blames he crash on grace (understandable under the circumstances but not helpful in the least) and as soon as steve realizes what’s happening he steps over to situate himself in between this guy and danny??? i love steve so much gosh

duke turns up with critical info and he tells steve about it??? not danny or rachel, and admittedly he maybe has a stronger bond with steve i guess but at least danny he definitely knows pretty well too (they’re ohana too, right?) but he tells steve about what’s technically danny’s daughter and there’s so many things to be read into that (the main thing obviously being that steve is as good as grace’s parent too and it’s canon fdjkfdjk)

i’m five minutes in at this point and i already have this much commentary. this is going to be long

i think i’ve said this before but: it’s not necessarily bad that stan bought grace a car. it’s not bad either that rachel didn’t tell danny, but if what rachel says and it’s because grace wanted to tell danny herself, then rachel should have put her foot down and not let grace go out with the car (that didn’t have plates yet??? that can’t be legal right?) until grace had actually told danny about it!!! rachel just doesn’t learn from her past mistakes about not telling danny shit about their kids that danny DEFINITELY should have been told and it’s a believable character flaw but it’s so painful

“there’s all kinds of things that happen that you should’ve told me about that you don’t tell me about, i’m used to it, alright? i’m used to it.” danny fucking knows and this is honestly the number one reason why romantic danny/rachel can’t ever work again as far as i’m concerned because it would be built on so much resentment and pain and pure shit that it’s just too much to put behind you, because they won’t ever be able to fully, completely trust each other again (and not all of it would be rachel’s fault, btw, i’m not saying that - it’s just that when she fucks up, she fucks up big time)

“i’m a cop now. i’ll keep it professional.” [cut to tani pushing her suspect out of his chair and onto the floor] well, you know, she’s got a point there. that’s exactly what professional looks like to five-0 (i like this secondary plotline a lot though! tani as protective and slightly violent older sister is super interesting)

danny is calling steve to update him even though there’s barely any knews because steve deserves to know everything (and probably because danny’s wants to hear his voice, lbr) and it’s good

this phone call between tani and junior is also super sweet!! (though it does kind of add obvious fuel to the fire of parallels they’re drawing between tani&junior and danny&steve, whether that’s something you like or not)

the whole team is so concerned about danny and of course they are but it’s still really good to see!!

of course grace can’t just get in a car accident, it has to be some kind of a crime. (i don’t even really mind but it’s just so predictable, gosh. they need someone to blame)

kamekona and flippa are bringing food to the hospital!!! that’s so thoughtful!

charlie! he exists in this episode! i’m still slightly fuzzy on where he was all night (because noelani comes in with him but the way she then asks charlie if he wants to hang out doesn’t seem like he’s been with her this whole time, so where the hell was he?) but it’s good to see him now, at least

also!!! noelani babysitting charlie!!! EVERYONE IS HELPING OUT. OHANA. <3

danny had noelani bring some stuff for rachel which is good and kind but the sweatshirt thing makes me... a little concerned... about romantic connotations. but i’m stubbornly deciding to read this as a purely platonic gesture to help out a sort-of-friend/co-parent

OOPS steve calls because they located a phone that grace received a threatening text message from at the hospital, but is leading danny to this person really a good idea right now? oh gosh

oh god grace was helping a classmate that got bullied and she dropped a girl’s phone in someone’s beer to stop her from showing around a picture and i love grace

the thing is, right. the thing is. I KNOW that grace is going to be okay because she’ll be in the next episode, eating pancakes at danny’s and laughing with steve, but i’m STILL almost crying watching danny and rachel wait with all this sickening tension without knowing anything and then watching them rush to get some news only to hear there’s been a complication and all they can do, AGAIN, is wait more

it’s GOOD but it’s SO PAINFUL

steve, junior and lou watch a security tape of zippy’s where some creepy guy keeps coming up to grace and katie’s table and then grace gets up and clearly tells the guy to go away and a) that’s really good on its own but also b) steve’s proud “atta girl”!!! yes!!!

danny apologizes for being mean about the car, holy shit. and yes, he was a little mean, maybe, but he was also incredibly stressed and he had a right to be angry, god.

“i should have been more honest with you. about a lot of things.” at least rachel had realized that much, omg.

rachel is playing the “what if” game and danny tells her that she shouldn’t and it’s actually a really nice moment. i like this.

THAT VIDEO. and both rachel and danny just crying and crying and the mutual forehead kisses and comfort??? i think i’ve made it pretty clear that i don’t ever want romantic danny/rachel again but this? i LOVE this. they can’t be a couple but they can still be a team and family in this weird way through their kids.

danny is just sitting on the floor in a hallway now and steve finds him and sits down next to him before they even say a single word and i’m already swamped with feelings just from that. i’m easy like that djfdkjf

steve says that grace is really taking after danny by going after bullies and standing up for the little guy and danny says “i think maybe she gets that from you more than me” anD I AM DECEASED. RIP ME. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HANDLE THESE FAMILY FEELS??

i’m not going to quote their entire conversation about steve being in more of grace’s pictures than danny and steve saying they should throw grace a big graduation party in steve’s backyard and danny actually smiling about something but i COULD because this is EVERYTHING I EVER WANT.

rachel finds them with the news that grace is OKAY and FUCK YES but also???? danny and steve’s expressions of relief???? are the exact same??????? and then there’s THAT ONE HUG that involves danny and rachel and steve, all three of them, and at this point literally nobody can convince me that steve isn’t as much a parent to grace as either of these other two

ALSO. LET ME JUST TALK ABOUT THAT HUG FOR A BIT. danny and rachel fall into each other’s arms because duh, at this point, of course you’d hug, and danny kind of swings them around a bit and then REACHES FOR STEVE who’s standing there right next to them with his hands on his hips and just DIVES into it and rachel makes room for him too? and then they’re CLINGING TO EACH OTHER and steve has closed his eyes and wrapped himself around them and he has his chin on danny’s shoulder and danny is smushed between them and have i given of the vibe that I LOVE THIS yet because I DO

grace! we get to see grace in color for the first time this episode!

there’s a party for grace at danny’s home!!! and danny says he didn’t know about it and i’m leaning towards believing him because i can easily be 100% convinced that this was steve’s doing oh gosh

GRACE AND STEVE HUG. literally just the hug content in this episode is lethal to me oh shit

“we’re still here, okay. anytime you need us, we got you.” PRIME DAD!STEVE. FUCK YES.

djfdjkfd @ steve somewhere in the background when kamekona mentions the restaurant going “i still prefer the name steve’s”

koah’s thing about appreciating tani and appreciating being brought into this big weird family????? almost made me cry again

OH NO. yep i was bracing for this already because i’d seen enough people talking about this, but i’m at the end, with danny and rachel outside at a small table and danny brings her some food they ate at their first date and she points that out and he says that it’s on the menu because it was their first date meal and, uhhhh, no. nope. don’t do that, come on, guys, what the fuck

alright, so yes, there are pretty undeniable flirting vibes here, but i’m stubborn. i’m still going to deny them. i’m going to view this as a happy end where danny and rachel have been brought a little closer together as divorced parents of two kids and where they can share a moment again without it devolving into a fight and i’m choosing to let that be all it is. and steve’s look and smile at them? that would honestly be out of character if it was supposed to be “oh i’m happy that danny might be getting back together with his ex-wife” so obviously i’m going to interpret that as “oh i’m happy that danny and rachel seem to be getting along platonically because that’ll make danny and grace and charlie’s life easier”

okay, now that i’ve seen all of it, two things:

what happened to katie??? she was just as bad off as grace from what we heard but we never got to hear if she was alright??? and the thing with her dad was never resolved either???

MELISSA. remember, danny’s girlfriend??? i’m about 99.9% sure we never heard that she and danny broke up, unless i missed something, and i don’t think i did. so. what the fuck are we supposed to think there? i’m not certain they’ve mentioned her once this season but at the same time danny was definitely teasing steve about his lack of dates in 9.01 and that was a prime opportunity for steve to say something, anything, to danny about danny’s dating life as a comeback, but they didn’t take that chance so at that time i assumed he was still with melissa. but? now they seem to be doing this thing with rachel? and melissa has been forgotten? i see people in the fandom say that danny is single all the time and i get it because at this point it’s an assumption that makes sense, with how little melissa has been mentioned for seasons now, but we’ve never gotten confirmation of that and it bugs the hell out of me because she’s a character that supposedly played a big role in his life at one point and she was in multiple episodes and now they don’t even have the time for like, one line of dialogue that somehow tells us what’s what? the complete irony here is that i never really liked danny and melissa’s relationship (she is so young for him, and that’s just the start of it) and now i sound like i’m defending it when really i just don’t want this poor woman to be treated so ridiculously. i swear i’m going to file a missing persons report omfg where is melissa #melissadeservedbetter

aside from my bitterness about melissa though - i LOVED this episode. it was tense and painful and i’m as concerned about the danny/rachel hints as the next guy, but it’s not that explicit here and i do like seeing them together as friends so i’m good with it for the most part for now? and there was SUCH good dad!steve content and some amazing steve/danny and the steve-danny-rachel hug killed me as much as i’d hoped and there was a steve and danny hug and a steve and grace hug and the sideplot was great too and i loved seeing tani and koah together more, and i just??? really loved almost every second of it a lot

[naruhearts]

ok ok it’s super early and I’m tired and it will probably take me a day or two before I sit down to comment/write/discuss my meta in a 100% coherent way but I just want to say that I’m COMPLETELY RILED UP because of THE GLORIOUS S13 premiere and JFC DABB AND CO just SQUISHED me like a pancake. *lies on floor*

13x01 was technically—AAAH—everything I ever expected to see from Dean, from Sam, and from Jack (of course my spec/wishlist wasn’t achieved to a whole T but 01 UNFOLDED IT ALL IN THE MOST VISCERAL WAY):

The Newfound vs Biological Family/Platonic vs Familial/Singular vs Plural themes carried over from S12/prev. seasons re: Cas’ death

Dean’s fucking phenomenal Cas-centred GRIEF (A+ JENSEN ACTING *flails*), Sam’s subsequent Mary-centred grief (A+ JARED ACTING *cries*), and JACK’S fatherly/parental grief (ALEX CALVERT bless his soul) narratively tied together

Jack as Cas’ direct 4x01 MIRROR—and as the disoriented, lost, identity-seeking orphan WHO CHOSE CAS TO BE HIS FATHER

Jack GROWING UP FAST because ‘the world is a dangerous place’, referring to Dean and Sam’s lack of childhood

 the ABUNDANCE of dark-haired Cas-reminiscent characters and set symbolism (ie fish mount on sheriff office wall)

 Baby aka Dean Is a (Mental/Emotional) Mess (Dean ignored Rude Fries Angel Chick Miriam who wrote the derogatory symbolic-of-Dean’s-self-shame word Bitch onto Baby’s window and he did not blink)

‘EVERYONE KNOWS’ trope (“Almost. Jack can almost do anything. Oh sweetie. Castiel? He’s dead. All the way dead. BECAUSE OF YOU.”), with Miriam as another BRUTAL exposition for Dean’s own feelings (she knew that Dean was grieving over Cas—knew what Dean had in mind as soon as he asked about Jack; LOW-SELF-WORTH GRIEVING!DEAN will INTERNALIZE HIS GUILT & SELF-SHAME AND LET IT FESTER ALONGSIDE HIS GRIEF in the next weeks)

 Dean’s AIR OF NUMB DEVASTATION—GLIMMERING UNSHED TEARS IN HIS EYES THE ENTIRE EPISODE

the camera-reflected rainbows on Dean’s left side of Baby/the sky

 Dean wrapping Cas’ body up in YELLOW SUNSHINE DRAPES (and he VISIBLY STRUGGLES TO DO SO, breath hitching and nose sniffling and jaw stiffening agh)

the Buccaneer sign Begging!Dean ANGRILY and VEHEMENTLY punched post-prayer ( @sactownbrowns3 Pirates betrayed laws / their country, which is totally synonymous to God turning his back on Dean)

 DEAN’S BLOODY FIST and Dabb not fucking stopping there since they have more: we ain’t seen nothing yet, surprising us via FLASHBACK to how it was caused (‘You think I didn’t fucking try to find a way to resurrect the dead love of my life, Sam? OF COURSE I DID. Of fucking course I begged—I WANT CAS BACK, he’s EVERYTHING TO ME YOU SON OF A BITCH!! And boom, GOD’S NOT LISTENING! aka ‘Bring HIM back—bring all of ‘em back’), while I keep in mind Jensen’s Con comment of “paying attention to Dean when he’s alone” (and hope that we get more of these ALONE DEAN scenes interspersed in upcoming eps)

Sam and Dean’s blatantly subverted Cas-centric 12x21 circumstantial convo (Sam’s “What about Cas?” / “I’m SPUN OUT also” & general 1x01–13x01 reverse parallels, Dean having a nightmare about burning Mary on the ceiling, missing parent, dead lover)

FURIOUS Nature Dean wanting to kill ‘Monster’ Jack vs Optimistic Nurture Sam wanting to help ‘Child’ Jack

 the NOTHING ELSE MATTERS S13 OPENER emphasizing FAMILY BONDS/personal Journeys and Connections, the ‘NOW’, future HOPE, FAITH and LOVE (Samleen/Destiel hugs placed back-to-back— no surprise!!)

Dean’s hopelessness finally sinking into his mind, denial seeping away, introducing PURE HEARTBREAK when they burn Cas’ body, further creating the clear narrative distinctions between mourning spouse, mourning brother and mourning child (Sam bringing Jack to see Kelly’s body vs Dean going in to see Cas’ body/prepare him for the funeral ALONE: a spousal obligation), the OBVIOUS implications of Cas being prioritized—being first in Dean’s dialogue/the key verbal subject— “Goodbye Cas…goodbye Kelly…goodbye Mom”, “Cas is—“*unable to say dead*”—Dean overall grieving for both Mary and Cas yet GRIEVING-OH-SO-BADLY for the LATTER whereas in contrast Sam grieves heavily for the former—

(Look at his face^ 😢)

Most of our 01 spec was fulfilled and just omg there’s a lot to unpack!!!

[nyangibun]

GoT S07E04 Thoughts

Sorry, this is so late!! I was away on a hiking weekend, thought I’d be okay to watch and stuff, but turns out hiking up and down mountains for 2 days straight means I pass out as soon as I get in. But you don’t care about that! So let’s get straight to it!

Any scene with Jaime and Bronn together is a great scene for me. Honestly, I thought I loved Tyrion and Bronn’s bromance, but Jaime and Bron’s is just as great. There’s something I love about the proper duty-bound Jaime and the ragtag mercenary Bronn. They have such wonderful chemistry together and despite their antagonistic relationship, there’s most definitely a bond there, which I believe comes into play at the end of the episode. You can’t really see who saves Jaime, but I want to put my money on Bronn [edit: apparently it’s confirmed it is].

Now, let’s bring it back to Winterfell: Littlefinger and Bran. I’ll be honest here I don’t have many thoughts about this, only that LF has something planned and it’s beginning to roll in his favour if his tiny smug smiles this episode is anything to go by, and it all begins with this scene. I think LF was trying to manipulate Bran, but at first to his dismay, it’s not working: 

“To go through all of that and make your way home again only to find such chaos in the world, I can only imagine–” 

“Chaos is a ladder.”

LF is put aback by this. None of what he’s saying is having the kind of emotional response he wants from Bran, but as he leaves: 

“I’m sorry to have disturbed you, Lord Stark.”

“I’m not Lord Stark.“

He suddenly realises that Bran isn’t the threat he thinks he is. He may be the last trueborn son of Ned and Catelyn Stark, but it is still Sansa that holds all the power right now, which brings me once again to this: LF has something huge planned with the sole purpose of placing himself at the top with Sansa by his side. His original plan may be thwarted by his sudden realisation that Jon and Sansa’s bond goes beyond something he can easily dismantle, but LF has been through the ‘same’ situation with Catelyn and Brandon, and Ned later (ie. ”everything that happens will be something that [he’s] seen before”). We all believe LF is going to die in this season, but he’s not going to go down without a ‘fight’. He will leave the world of GoT after causing some real ‘chaos’. 

In my most tinfoil of minds, it’s the public reveal of Jon’s parentage to the Northern houses, while simultaneously poking and prodding at Jon and Sansa’s less-than-sibling-like feelings. But as I said, this is pure tinfoil. 

Now onto our third Stark reunion! Can we please take a moment to appreciate how bloody brilliant Arya is? Her little interaction with those two idiot guards made me laugh. It was a wonderful piece of dialogue between the three of them. Although if you were to analyse it, you could wonder whether it was placed there for comedic relief or if it was to establish something. Seems like a rather pointless scene, right? Except you have three separate moments here that highlight the same thing. One, where the guards are adamant not to let Arya in so they didn’t have to bother Lady Sansa. Two, where the guards argued over who told Lady Sansa about Arya. And three, when the guards are fumbling over themselves in Lady Sansa’s presence. All of it aptly establishes Sansa’s rule over Winterfell and the clear respect and fondness the people have for her. They don’t want to go to her not because they’re afraid of her, but because they don’t want to ‘bother her’. 

“Lady Sansa is too busy to waste her breath on you, just like us.”

Everything about this sentence from the tone to the diction used just highlights the guards’ belief and perception of Sansa, that she’s far too good, too superior and too important to waste time on anything trivial. 

But what’s beautiful about this distinction is that immediately after you have the reunion and Arya asks, “do I have to call you Lady Stark now?” and Sansa jokingly says yes before pulling Arya into a hug. To the people, she is their lady, but to her family, she is simply Sansa. The common folk may think Sansa is superior, but she doesn’t think herself as superior. She’s only trying to lead her people through the long night.

Anyway, Arya and Sansa, my two favourite women on the show <3 I have wanted their reunion for so long and this was everything I could ever hope for. You have Sansa hugging Arya, who appears surprised, then Arya hugging Sansa in the end. These two at odds sisters are finally together.

Before I really get into the Stark siblings, I want to unpick some of the Jon x Sansa undertones here. Call it shipping goggles, call it whatever, but I couldn’t help noticing either way. When Arya is there talking to the two guards, she mentions Jon as his full title, and then the guards mentions Sansa with her full title. Seems quite irrelevant but the dialogue: 

“Go ask Jon Snow, then, the King in the North….. If Jon’s gone, who’s in charge of Winterfell?”

“The Lady of Winterfell. Lady Stark.”

Feels like a perfect companion to the one between Sansa and Arya: 

“It suits you Lady Stark. Jon left you in charge?”

“He did.”

What it does is continue to establish that Jon and Sansa are equal co-rulers of Winterfell. They’re partners, complements of one another, and it displays the level of trust Jon has in Sansa. After all the hype about StarkBowl and then Episode 1′s supposed “fight”, Jon still left Sansa in charge, just like Ned left Catelyn in charge when he left for King’s Landing. 

And then you have Sansa’s addition of: 

“I hope he comes back soon. I remember how happy he was to see me. When he sees you, his heart will probably stop.“

Once again, Sansa is implicitly saying how much she misses Jon and how she wishes he was here for these happy moments. Yes, she is also very well saying that because Arya and Bran are Jon’s siblings too, but both scenes (the one with Bran and the one here), there’s fondness in the way she says it that I’ve thus far only seen her display around Jon. And after she talks about how happy he was to see her and how his heart will probably stop when he sees Arya, Sansa looks away and there’s that fondness again. Perhaps even a blush? 

I know, I know… Shipping goggles, am I right? But you have to admit after seeing Sansa now reunite with both Arya and Bran, then Arya with Bran, these scenes and the subsequent interactions between them are significantly different to Jon and Sansa’s reunion. First, we had Bran and Sansa, which was cold and distant, understandably due to Bran being the Three Eyed Raven, but Sansa didn’t nuzzle him. She nuzzled Jon. And Sansa hugged Arya, no nuzzling. Arya hugged Bran, no nuzzling. It was only between Jon and Sansa. Why have that if it wasn’t to drop these tiny little hints for Jonsa in the future? It’s not exactly something you overlook when you’re going through the footage. They had a close-up shot of it. 

While we’re on the subject of Jonsa though, let’s jump ahead to the Jon and Theon scene. Jon is tense almost as soon as he sees it’s Theon, but he doesn’t react until Theon brings up Sansa (a parallel to Jon and LF’s scene).

“What you did for her is the only reason I’m not killing you.”

Like with LF, Jon seems to forget himself for a second there as complete primal instinct takes over. It’s only when Davos steps forward does he realise where he is. You can see him glance toward Davos, look back and make his angry kitten Jon snarl before letting him go. You can see he wants to blame Theon so badly for everything, for what happened to his brothers and what happened to Sansa, but Theon saved Sansa’s life, and for that, he holds back. For Sansa, he reigns it in. 

There really is no need for this scene at all. Yes, it segues to Dany and the battle, but there are several ways to do that without having Jon see Theon and bring up Sansa. And yet, here it is, once again showing Jon react instinctively and aggressively at the mention of Sansa by another man. Once again, reminding the audience of Jon’s deep attachment and love for Sansa (whether you’re inclined to believe it’s platonic or romantic). Shipping goggles or not, theirs is a bond we’re meant to acknowledge as integral to Jon. 

Now back to Bran giving Arya the dagger, of course this is hugely significant. Does it foreshadow LF’s death at Arya’s hand? I don’t know. I think yes to an extent, but I still think (and want) LF’s downfall to be at Sansa’s hand. He’s her proverbial monster to kill, not Arya’s. In fact, I don’t think Arya and LF ever had a one-on-one scene together. It would hold no real substantial satisfaction for the audience. Sansa killing him on the other hand? Much more satisfying. But perhaps the dagger doesn’t foreshadow LF’s downfall. The fact it’s made from Valyrian steel might be hinting at an Arya run-in with a White Walker? Just random speculation here though. 

Nothing of real plot significance but this dialogue between Brienne and Podrick really made my heart sing. I feel like for so long Brienne has always somewhat rejected the part of herself that was a woman, felt like it was something that’s held her back from wanting to be a knight, like an anchor or a weight, shackles. But this: 

“You’re too hard on yourself, my lady.”

“I’m not a – thank you, Podrick.”

This is just so symbolic of Brienne’s growth as a woman and a warrior. She’s finally accepting she can be both without sacrificing a part of herself. I’m so proud of her <3 

Okay, so the Jon3rys scene everyone’s been talking about (and freaking out about). I have one thing to say to you guys: WTF? No, no, I love you all and understand your concern, but personally, I saw the opposite of a romance. Attraction? Sure. Romance? No way. 

Does Jon give her a look? Yeah, I guess you could say he does, and oh boy, he guides her elbow, but this look, this seemingly sexually tense touch? It’s like comparing brussel sprouts to Jongritte’s apples and Jonsa’s oranges, aka brussel sprouts are not fruits. There is attraction there, but that is completely bulldozed over by the next piece of dialogue. 

“I will fight for you. I will fight for the North. When you bend the knee.”

“My people won’t accept a southern ruler. Not after everything they’ve suffered." 

“They will if their king does. They chose you to lead them. They chose you to protect them. Isn’t their survival more important than your pride?”

Dany’s words are empty. They sound inspirational, but she lacks any knowledge of the North (and Westeros) because if their king bends the knee to a southron queen, the North would revolt. Jon’s status as their king, although yes they chose him, is precarious and will always remain precarious when he is merely a bastard. War has made the houses blind to custom because Jon is the most capable military ruler right now for them, but if Jon bends the knee? They will not yield along with him. Dany’s inability to understand this just demonstrates her inability to understand the country and the people she wants to rule. It’s never been about saving the people; it’s always been about conquering. 

Honestly, this entire episode seems to emphasise every single reason why Dany is more of the villain than the hero, and continues to place Jon as her opposite. It’s not just who they are as rulers, but their goals. When Davos says to Dany after she discovers the Lannisters took Highgarden that perhaps they should discuss this amongst themselves, Dany demands that they stay, and Jon rolls his eyes, looks to Davos and appears exasperated by it all. This is not the war he wants to fight. The Iron Throne? He has 0 fucks left to give to that nonsense. 

And when Dany asks him what he’d do? 

“I never thought that dragons would exist again. No one did. The people who follow you know that you made something impossible happen. Maybe that helps them believe that you can make other impossible things happen. Build a world that’s different from the shit one they’ve always known. But if you use them to melt castles and burn cities, you’re not different. You’re just more of the same.”

He’s saying exactly what so many of us has said for years. Dany’s presence in Westeros isn’t their salvation, it’s their damnation, and if she chooses to rein ‘fire and blood’ to conquer the throne? She’s not the hero of the story. She’s now the villain on these lands. 

And I think Jon acknowledges this too. When Davos needles him about how he feels about Dany? He doesn’t wax lyrical about her, he says “I think she has a good heart”, which isn’t ‘she’s a good ruler’ and ‘she will do good things’. It’s ‘she has a good heart, but her methods, her entitlement, her drive for power? It clouds that part of her. Am I putting words into his mouth? Perhaps. But for so many seasons, a lot of metas about Dany’s journey has always honed in on the “she has good intentions but she is no hero” point. When I heard Jon say those words, it felt very poignant because they are words I have said in regards to Dany. And as I’ve said before, hell is paved with good intentions. 

Another moment that demonstrated this was Missandei’s speech:

“She bought me from my master and set me free.”

“That’s good of her. Of course you’re serving her now, aren’t you?”

Davos’ point has also been another thing people have touched upon for ages. Yes, she freed those slaves; yes, she did it because she thought it was wrong; but they are all still serving her. A lot of her good deeds continue to be shadowed by how she reeps those rewards and uses it in her drive for power. If you want to compare, Jon similarly ‘frees’ the Wildlings from behind the Wall and they all ‘serve’ him now, but because they believe Jon can keep them safe from the Others. They have faith in his ability to lead them to safety. Dany takes these people who trust in her and puts them in harm’s way, endangering their lives for a land they don’t know, that she doesn’t know all because she wants to claim her ancestors’ right to rule (yet in the same vein wants to denounce all her associations with said ancestors and the Targaryen madness). 

And the final nail into the ‘Dany is No Hero’ campaign this episode started on is the battle at the end. Nothing screams ‘villain’ more than watching the Lannister army slaughtered to death, especially after you have Jaime tell Randyll Tarly that these are good men who fought hard. The entire scene felt a lot like the Red Wedding in terms of gory horror except this one was hiked up to a much larger scale. There is even a moment when Tyrion is on the hills looking down on the destruction, a look of regret and shame on his face, while this horribly sad and gut-wrenching music swells in the background. This is not the music of a victorious battle; it’s the sound of tragedy. Now, why would you pair music like that with Dany’s victorious defeat of the Lannisters if not to demonstrate how destructive she is, how much more devastation she’s bringing with the Dothrakis and the dragons? And Jaime’s look of horror completely compounds this home. He’s been in many battles, but nothing compares to what he’s seeing in that moment. There is honour in battle, but there was no honour in this, just as there was no honour in the slaughter at the Red Wedding. 

Final thoughts? I loved this episode. I honestly, truly, truly did. I have never been more excited to see Dany go full Targ Mad. My heart was in my throat that entire scene. If you’d told me in Season 1 that I’d be cheering for Jaime over Dany, I’d call you rat-faced liar, but damn, did I cry out when that dragon turned around with his demon fire. Bless Bron for saving our beautiful conflicted King(futurequeen)slayer!

[asymmetryestablished]

valentine fandom ask meme: homestuck for all the odd ones and rvb for all the even ones

oH GOD okay let's see how this goes***Spoiler Alert*** by the way1. Your favourite non-canon ship? I don't particularly have one, though to be clear Homestuck has a hell of a lot of ships. I like pairing people up with Sollux tho, if only because I support Sollux getting lots of love.2. Is there a ship you didn’t like at first but ultimately started shipping? Tuckington and Lolix. both are things my friend who got me into RvB ships hardcore, but when I first encountered all the relevant characters I couldn't see them in the pairs. Tuckington I saw once they actually started interacting, in S11 or so; Lolix, after having seen their episodes in S14, although I shipped them as exes before then - like, I watched them and agreed that they'd had something but it fell apart before we met them.3. What is the rarest rare pair (that you ship)? I'm not really a rarepair kind of child but I do like Sollux/Dirk and Sollux/John, because programming and hands, respectively4. Name a popular ship you don’t get the appeal of. probably Chex I just really strongly believe that moving on is the best damn idea Church ever had5. What is your most fluffy + happy ship? fun question, because a lot of my ships could be fluffy or angst depending on what you look at. short answer: Davekat.6. What is your most angsty ship? FELIX/TUCKER OKAY HOLY SHIT MAJOR SPOILER ALERT FOR THE CHORUS TRILOGY BUT just picture when they're in Armonia and Wash is presumed dead and Tucker is having to come to terms with losing someone he hadn't realized he loved so much and also coming to terms with his love AND HIS SEXUALITY on top of that and Felix just slides on in because he's a slimy bastard who isn't above getting off on other people's emotional pain and/or just generally being an emotional sadist but also tactically brilliant and fucking Tucker while he's broken and I currently have an in-progress fic that is literally this and entitled "Felix Tucker emotional abuse" on my computer (ABUSE in my binder)7. A non-canon ship that should be canon? again, Homestuck has quite a romantically promiscuous canon. I think most of my really serious ships are canon??? but it's also been a while since I last acquainted myself with HS so I'm not sure. I do like Sollux/Karkat in basically any quadrant tho and I don't think they canonically did any quadrant stuffz or at least not all of them8. Your oldest ship; the one you’ve shipped for the longest time? Grimmons. still ship it. GRIF LITERALLY CONTAINS PARTS OF SIMMONS IF THATS NOT POTENTIAL FOR A ROMANTIC CRISIS FIC THEN IDK WHAT IS9. What ship represents the kind of relationship you’d love to have? Davekat as presented in canon, all soft squishy feels under a shell of crunchy banter and sarcasm; that, or Rosemary, which I read this fic once that mentioned them being a universal constant? like, there wasn't a single timeline where they didn't get together, and that makes me really happy. I also really like how Nepeta and Equius are complete polar opposites and both really fucking weird but don't care10. Is there a ship that makes your skin crawl? Churboose the way most people portray it. Caboose has the mental capacity of a child; I don't know if it's canon or not, but I am firmly of the belief that he is not entirely capable of distinguishing between romantic and platonic love, if at all, and sex isn't even a thing that he acknowledges. I can get behind the idea of Church accidentally and bizarrely and inexplicably falling in love with Caboose in a purely emotional sense, and Caboose loves everyone on all the teams in his own way, except the ones his family (because that's what they are, his family) genuinely hates, and those he does his best to fuck up something fierce. but don't pretend that Caboose and Church having sex would be anything but creepy as fuck and completely out of character. Also, the Director/Tex, because vicarious relationships, and Felix/Tucker but that one's a good skin-crawly one if done right (which it will be when I do it).11. What is a character you can only imagine in one particular ship? Calliope I can only see with Roxy, but damn do I ever see it.12. What is your favourite canon ship? if we're going with the cutthroat definition of canon, there aren't any, so going with the practical definition, Grimmons, because I'm not saying the secretly-married jokes are true, but I am saying they're extremely well-founded, even if one or both of them needs to pull his head out of his ass and notice.13. Name a ship that deserved more content. I feel like Vriska/Terezi, especially Game Over timeline Vriska/Terezi, deserved more, but I definitely needed more Terezi/John, because John learning firsthand about kismesissitude is a beautiful image.14. Is there a ship you feel gets undeserved hate in fandom? no??? the RvB fandom tends to agree that most of the characters have banged or at least that they could, so I haven't actually seen, like, *any* ship hate.15. What is the first ship you had? Davekat, which I shipped before getting into Homestuck, for which I blame the friend who got me into it in the first place.16. Is there a ship that made you realise something about yourself? uhm. all of them made me realize that I have a thing for temporarily inflicting emotional pain on characters, if that counts???17. Is there a type of ship you always go for? this goes for everything: banter. banter banter banter. example ships outside of these two specified fandoms: Bond/Q (Craig era), Romeo/Mercutio (yes, Romeo and Juliet), Rosencrantz/Guildenstern (Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead, specifically), Kate/Petruchio (yes I'm Shakespeare trash get over it), Skye/Jeffrey (The Penderwicks), wow I ship a lot of things I hadn't realized I shipped.18. Is there a ship the writers have ruined for you? no. unless you count the emotional abuse that is Ohio shooting Sherry and thereby ruining any chance they could've had, which nearly made me cry19. Is there a ship the fandom has ruined for you? not unless you count that tumblr post about Gamzee's relationships all being meticulously calculated and executed to do the most damage ruining my ability to enjoy pale Gamkar due to my new perception of Gamzee20. Have you ever created fan created content for a ship? hell ye. I have an AO3 but refuse to attach it to my tumblr. currently I've only got one RvB work and it's a really minor ship of mine, but I've got like four Tuckington, one Lolix, and that Felix/Tucker emotional abuse on the go.21. Favourite thing you’ve ever created for a ship? see previous comment re: not sharing my AO3, but my Snowman/Spades Slick WIP makes me really happy and I've got some damn good Davekat22. Is there a ship you’ll never admit you have? nope. not for anything I don't think. I'll even admit to shipping Annie and Teddy from the Magic Tree House books, and Dink and Ruth Rose from the A-Z Mysteries. I have always been a trashbaby and never given half a fuck.23. Have you ever started shipping a ship because of the fans? see previous comments re: Davekat. there was at least one more but I can't remember right now.24. What is one scene you want to see happen for all your ships? meeting in a bar, for the first time or after a long time or whatever. there are so many damn ways a bar meeting could go that it satisfies so many of my ships, and in RvB, all of them.25. Is there a ship you wish you didn’t know existed? all forms of Stridercest, particularly since I can actually tolerate Dirk/Dave. also Kurloz/Mituna because Kurloz is a confirmed creepy abusive fucker and Mituna is my precious pandamaged child26. Name a ship that ended like you wanted it to. Church/Tex, actually, if you disregard my temporary disappointment at Tex being female. the end of S9 gave them the best possible ending.27. Name a ship that deserved better in the end. Dirk/Jake but I can't complain too much because at least the abusive relationship ended28. Is there a character you have several ships for? Tucker's a slut, so yeah, but also I'm a big believer in breakups being a good and healthy part of life, so I ship relationships in the past tense. example: I support York and Carolina being together, and also thoroughly support Kimball finally getting Carolina to open up and fall in love again.29. What is the ship you ignore 98% of canon for? that's not really a thing I do, so. there isn't one.30. Is there a ship you like but you dislike the fandom? if we mean the fandom stuff for the particular ship, yeah, Churboose and Lolix in particular but I generally hate when people miss the point of what makes characters themselves in order to just make fanfic or whatever of their ship. in more general terms, I read the Maze Runner a while ago in order to be able to watch the movie for the sake of Thomas Brodie-Sangster (which I decided not to actually do because it's a really bad book), and I fucking hated the book, it's a really fucking shitty book, but Newt and Thomas all the fucking way man. (I think it was the nickname that really got me; nobody else calls him Tommy, and Newt doesn't give anyone else a nickname as far as I can remember, and also I'm really pissed that they cut the kiss scene from the movie because I might've suffered through it just for that)HOOOOOO BOY thank you anon that was way more fun than sleeping. also I'm having so much trouble figuring out who you are because most of my people I know are in one fandom or the other but not both, and the other people I can think of I can't imagine sending me an ask like this. aaaaa it's a mystery thank you for the excuse to ramble

[battleofthebits]

Nobody Hurts You Like Me

@softkent ‘s fic-a-thon, day 5: Soulmates! Sad Pimms. 1.5K, Title from Tegan and Sara’s “That Girl.”

Jack’s always been a little scared of the idea of a soulmate, somebody who can feel his feelings and knows what he’s thinking. Anybody who knows what the inside of Jack’s head is like, Jack thinks, won’t want to stay for long, destiny be damned. He figures the “Nice pass, Zimms,” written on his right hip means his potential soulmate is a teammate. It’s probably just a platonic soulmate, then, Jack decides. It’s not uncommon for team athletes to find their soulmate on their line, and that normally heralds the beginning of a beautiful, record-smashing friendship.

Jack ought to be happy that he’s almost guaranteed a best friend who will understand hockey and Jack perfectly, but somehow he can’t feel excited. It just seems like more pressure on his good days, and on his bad days it’s another reason to catastrophize. Oh, look at the Zimmermann kid. Bad Bob’s son, hockey prodigy, backed up by a perfect teammate, and he’ll still never fucking amount to anything. Waste of a soulmate, really.

It’s impossible to break a soul bond, and you only get the one, so there’s no point trying not to meet the person. Instead, he tries not to get too close to any of the boys on his teams. It’s not that hard; he’s the best by a mile on whatever team he’s on. Sure, there are boys who idolize Jack, but nobody’s on his level. Nobody even comes close.

Then there’s Kent. Jack’s whole world turns upside down from the moment his new winger turns to him in practice and says the words on his hip. “Thanks, uh, sorry, I don’t remember your name,” he replies, and the winger goes white.

“Did you just-“ the winger says, and then he’s yanking off his jersey to reveal those same words unfolding over his lower back. “You did, oh my god, this is amazing.”

“You knew my name already?” Jack asks, a little bowled over by how fast this is happening.

The winger grins. “You’re Jack Zimmermann, everybody knows you. I’m Kent. We’re gonna be legendary, I can tell.”

Looking back, that first meeting set up their entire relationship: Kent always in too deep, Jack always a step behind his latest brilliant idea. It’s Kent who drags Jack to parties and Jack who lets himself be pulled along, an enticing hint of boozy excitement trailing along their bond. It’s Kent who proposes extra practices, reminding Jack that if they want to be the first pair drafted together in hockey history, they have to make it clear that each is indispensable to the other. But it’s Jack who first leans in for a kiss, and Kent who pulls away.

“Are you sure, Zimms?” he asks, the bond emanating a feeling best summed up as !!!!!!????? and a fair amount of concern. “You’re freaking out, man. There’s this, like, knot of, I don’t even know. But there’s something there, and it’s big, and it’s bad.”

Jack manages a grin. “Just a little nervous about this. About us. But it’s better now,” he says, and pulls Kent in again.

Supposedly, you can’t lie to your soulmate. Jack’s breaking expectations all over the place lately. Kent knows Jack takes pills for his anxiety, but he doesn’t know that Jack’s on twice the recommended dose. He doesn’t know that Zoloft and Natty Light aren’t supposed to mix. He doesn’t know that despite all the therapy and meds and sex, Jack still lies awake at night terrified of the future.

It gets easier and easier to hide things from Kent as time goes on. Jack just doesn’t think about anything he’s worried about when Kent is there. He’s happy around Kent. He’s fine around Kent. Then Kent leaves for his billet family or a presser and all Jack’s fears race back in.

“It’s okay, Jack,” Kent says when he catches him shaking at the sight of another fucking article comparing their draft prospects. “We’ve got the Parson-Zimmermann no-look one-timer patented, remember? They’d be insane to separate us.” Kent’s radiating earnest calm and an itching need to make this, make Jack, better. Jack doesn’t bother telling him that it’s a lost cause.

By the time Jack overdoses, he’s sick and tired of hiding from Kent. His Zoloft isn’t working, his Xanax “for emergencies” isn’t working, his breathing exercises are failing him, and as Jack slips out of consciousness, he feels a moment of pure terror that this time he took too much. He was scared of the draft, sure, but god, he never wanted to skip it like this.

Jack finds out later that Kent found him passed out on the floor, nearly choking on his own puke, and could barely call 911 through his tears. He hears from his new intake specialist that the EMTs had to drag Kent away from him. He finds out from the paper at his door that Kent went first in the draft. He feels nothing through their bond; Las Vegas to Montreal is too far to feel much beyond a vague discontent. And that must just be coming from Jack, anyway. Why would Kent be upset when he’s just gotten everything he ever wanted?

That lack of feeling gives Jack an out, though.  You can’t break a bond, but you can run from it. You can move across a continent so it’s weaker, you can crush it down, refuse to send anything to your soulmate or acknowledge any feelings they give you. That’s how Jack gets through coaching peewee hockey and slowly climbing the ranks at Samwell while his best friend leads a winning franchise. And it works pretty well until Kent shows up his sophomore year.

That moment, Jack learns why it’s impossible to break a soul bond. He takes one look at Kent, standing there uninvited in his Haus, with his friends, and all his nightmares from the age of seventeen come rushing back. Kent’s just chatting with Shitty like nothing’s ever changed, like he has any right to come here. And the bond tells Jack that Kent is fucking ecstatic to be here.

Time to burst that bubble, then. “Shits, can you go inside?” Jack grits out, and both Shitty and Kent turn to him. “Now. Please.”

Shitty does, looking a little surprised at Jack’s attitude, and then it’s just Jack and Kent. Jack can feel the nerves coming off of Kent, and that’s a surprise. Jack would have expected Kent to be all smugness and smirks.

“Why are you here?” Jack asks. No point wasting time with pleasantries when Kent can feel perfectly well how pissed off he is.

Kent just looks at him. Jack feels his worry, his care, his need to make this better, just like back in Juniors. Jack might as well be choking on it.

“You know, don’t you?” Kent says, and it’s not really a question. Jack’s hit with a wave of longing, desperation even, thick and cloying like one of his grandmere’s overwrought romance novels. “The Aces are cool, but nobody plays like you, and the desert’s too hot, and I don’t know anyone.”

“You had more friends than anyone else in Juniors.”

A hint of irritation hits the bond. “You know what I mean, Jack. I don’t know anybody there like I know you. You don’t know anybody here like you know me. And no offense, these guys are great? But I don’t see any NHL material.”

Jack’s furious now, and Kent must feel it from the way he steps back. “So that’s how it is, eh? You come to my school unannounced and uninvited, you make nice with my friends and you shit-talk them behind their backs, you shit-talk the program I put two years of my life into, and now what? Am I supposed to run off to Vegas with you?”

“I….” There’s a misery and confusion rising in the bond, and Jack can’t stomach it.

“Don’t you fucking tell me you didn’t think this through before you bought a plane ticket halfway across the country to rub your success in my face, Parson.”

“It’s not like that!” Kent’s almost yelling now. “You didn’t call, you didn’t text- I wouldn’t have known you were alive if your parents didn’t email me. It’s been four years, and you’re my soulmate, and you haven’t talked to me once, and I fucking miss you.”

“Do you,” Jack says. It’s not a question. “I think it’d be better if you didn’t come by again, Kent.”

“But-”

“But I’m your soulmate? Fine. But I don’t miss you. Go home, Parse.” He sends everything he’s feeling through the bond, all the anger and mistrust and even the fear, and Kent flinches. Good.

“See you around, then, Zimms,” Kent says, and he climbs back into his rented Jaguar.

“The fuck was that about?” Shitty asks as Jack walks back into the Haus.

“Nothing,” Jack says. “Nothing important.”