#oh when the story gets so meta it hurts my head

[ineffable-romantics]

Some thoughts on why and how I believe Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship would incorporate sex/why I do not read them as wholly asexual:

This is something I've seen the most discourse about in this fandom, and I've had a few thoughts of my own that I really wanted to expand upon in a full meta/character analysis post. I do understand that this can be a contentious topic, so first, let me clarify a few things:

First of all, this is going to be long. Tbh it probably won't be that organized either. I ramble and I'm not very good at editing, so just... you know. Be warned. (*Hi, it's me from 2 days after writing this; I'm really not kidding, it's LONG)

These are all my own thoughts. They might not be hot takes, because recently I've seen more than a few people come to the same conclusions on a lot of these points as I have. But I've also had these notes in my drafts for about a week and a half now, and have been continuously adding to it as things have occurred to me. This post is essentially just somewhere for me to collect the separate but related meta I've been kicking around in my head.

I fully respect anyone who does see and prefer an asexual reading of this relationship. These are my own thoughts and interpretations as someone who is not asexual. I am in the LGBT+ community, so while I do know a few things about the asexuality spectrum, I am by no means an expert.

This is NOT something I expect, need, or even necessarily want the show (or, God forbid, Neil's tumblr ask box) to address. Tonally, it's just not that kind of show. Newt and Anathema's sex scene was very much played for laughs, and it worked for that reason. If the show found a way to address it in a way that was both appropriate for the tone of the show and ultimately satisfying, then great! But there is so much more to this relationship than sex, and I didn't need a kiss to confirm their love, so I certainly don't need a sex scene. As immortal beings (as I assume they'll stay) there is so much of the rest of their lives we'll never get to see. You can headcanon them as asexual and potentially be right. I can headcanon them as not and be equally potentially right. Again, these are just a collection of my own thoughts, because I think the question of sexuality (or lack thereof) is just as interesting a facet of these characters as any other.

Note: Tbh I've been second-guessing this whole post and debated deleting the whole thing several times for being silly or unnecessary, bc I don't want anyone to think that this is the only thing I care about when it comes to this story/characters. But if nothing else, it's inspired me to write in a way that nothing has in a very long time, so I've decided it's worth continuing, if for no other reason than that.

This is going to be a mixed bag of textual reading, subtextual reading, and a full-on reach or two. It's been a while since I've been in an English class, but if my teachers expected me to find a deeper meaning behind blue curtains, you can expect me to read too deeply into the symbolism of a loaded rifle or an ox rib. (This is probably not what my professors had in mind when grading my literary analysis papers but oh well) My point is, if it feels like a reach, I'm as aware of it as you are. I am in no way saying that all (or even any) of my points made were deliberate on the part of Neil or the actors or the writers or the directors. I am no longer the delulu Apple Tree Yard child of my youth, I promise.

If anything said here is in any way offensive or hurtful to anyone in the asexual community, please do not hesitate to message me or comment and let me know exactly what it was. I promise you it is not my intention to do so, and am happy to clarify or outright edit anything that reads that way.

With all that being said, let's talk about why I think Crowley and Aziraphale would absolutely fuck nasty incorporate sex into their relationship.

Note: I am out of practice with essay writing, so I think I'll just go down the bullet points of notes I have been making, and expand on each as best I can

Food

Where better to start than with Aziraphale's introduction to Pleasures Of The Flesh? (Just a heads up, this entire post may feel very Aziraphale-heavy, and with good reason).

This might be the least hot take here. We've all seen the Job minisode. We've all seen That Scene.

Whether this was intentional or not, the symbolism here is off the charts. Eve was tempted by an apple. So why not go a similar route and tempt Aziraphale with another fruit, or cheese, or bread, or literally anything else for his first experience with food? Instead, we go with a huge, glistening slab of fresh meat that he proceeds to absolutely go feral upon, moaning and gasping into his meal while Crowley watches with what definitely doesn't look to be disgust or even satisfaction with a good temptation. There's surprise at the ferocity of Aziraphale's appetite, certainly. But ultimately he looks to be intensely fascinated by it, while the thunder crashes, the music crescendos, and the earth literally shakes around them.

(It's also interesting to note how very little it takes for Crowley to tempt him with the ox rib. One murmured suggestion, a bit of unwavering eye contact, and vavoom Aziraphale immediately meets him in the middle.)

Cut to Aziraphale devouring the rest of the meat with Crowley splayed back on a makeshift bed, drinking wine and continuing to watch him indulge through half-lidded eyes. Outside a thunderstorm rages while they're learning secrets about each other in warm flickering firelight. It's cosy, it's intimate, and if they'd thrown in a bearskin throw blanket, it might as well be a post-coital scene straight out of Game of Thrones.

The next time (chronologically) we see them discuss food is when Aziraphale "tempts" Crowley with oysters in Rome. So Crowley first tempts Aziraphale with meat and then Aziraphale tempts Crowley with what is widely regarded to be an aphrodisiac. Interesting.

And then chronologically after that, the Arrangement begins to form, which has always reeked of a friends with benefits situation. Just to throw that in there.

It's What Humans Do

In the very first episode, we're shown Gabriel's obvious disgust and bewilderment towards Aziraphale eating sushi, calling it "gross matter" and being proud of the fact that he does not sully his body with it. Aziraphale initially tries to defend his own enjoyment in it, before passing it off as something that humans do, as something he simply has to do in order to blend in (which we know very well is not the case).

He does this again in season 2, passing off Nina and Maggie being in love as "something humans do". But it isn't, is it? Angels are beings of love, and can sense it, and understand very well what it is... up to a point. Even romantic love is obviously within their wheelhouse, given what we now know happened between Gabriel and Beelzebub (we'll come back to them).

What the "humans do" that angels wouldn't understand is messy, physical forms of love.

But here's the thing: Aziraphale and Crowley love doing what the humans do. They love drinking, they (or at least Aziraphale) love eating. They love music. Crowley loves driving and sleeping and watching rom-coms and sitcoms. Aziraphale loves reading and doing magic and earning little licenses and certificates for achievement in his various hobbies. They love to playact at being human so much that they've stopped playacting and started building a genuinely human lifestyle for themselves and with each other.

Once together in an unambiguously romantic sense, why do we think they wouldn't also want to explore one of the most prominent, intimate, powerful human expressions of love and desire with each other?

Angels, Demons, & Asexuality

Here's where I really want to clarify that in no way do I mean that sex is necessary for a healthy, fulfilling, and loving romantic relationship, or that the lack of desire for sex makes you any less human. Asexuality is a sexuality as valid and human as any. What I would say is that it is definitely in the human minority compared to allosexuality.

Angels and demons, on the other hand, are predominately asexual. Sexless/genderless unless Making An Effort. (Which, btw, is a concept introduced as early as the original book; why even bring it up as a possibility? Why not keep angels/demons being sexless/asexual as a hard and fast rule, if not to open up the potential for later use? Chekhov's Effort, if you will. And isn't that something that Aziraphale in particular is shown to do time and time again? He makes an effort in French and driving and magic, doesn't he?)

And this is why I don't believe Aziraphale and Crowley necessarily need to be asexual, narratively. There is already a huge amount of ace rep within the angels and demons (and no, not just the horrible ones. Muriel also doesn't "drink the tea" and has no reason or desire thus far to Make An Effort, and there are certainly other angels and demons who aren't horrible like the archangels seem to be who likely wouldn't Make An Effort either).

The central conflict for Aziraphale and Crowley is that they are on their own side, the ones who went native, the ones who are so different in so many ways from their respective hives. It would make sense for them to also break away from traditional angel/demon asexuality.

I say "traditional angel/demon asexuality", because I would also like to note that I would absolutely not rule out demisexuality for either of them. This post is being written to as a response to people who specifically believe that they (like the rest of the angels/demons seem to be) would be sex-averse in a relationship, and that it wouldn't be a factor in their relationship. I could easily read them as demisexual, but I do think there would be no real way of verifying this, because they've never been able to form as close an emotional relationship with anyone else but each other. Certainly not in heaven, and I can't imagine they would be able to form that kind of attachment with any of the humans, who they love and emulate but ultimately regard as the separate species they are. So yes, they could either be allosexual or demisexual, in my opinion.

Then again, now that I think about it, Making An Effort itself could be a great metaphor for demisexuality, since they would be entirely sexless/asexual until they have enough of an emotional connection with someone to consciously manifest otherwise. Since the other angels and demons don't generally form those types of emotional connections with anyone, there hasn't been a precedent for it.

Except...

Brielzebub

We do have a precedent for it now, don't we? Gabriel and Beelzebub fell in love. They are a direct foil for Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship, speedrunning right through their courtship and finding their happily ever after on the other side of things.

For being such a 1 to 1 comparison, it feels deliberate that they did not kiss. They held hands, they were gooey with each other, but they did not kiss. That feels like such a deliberate thing to omit when you know what's to come at the end of the episode between Crowley and Aziraphale.

And going back to the food = sex metaphor for a moment, let's notice how even as they fell in love over the years, even when pints and crisps were there on the table in front of them, they never felt the desire to reach out for them. They didn't need to. It's a date (love story) even if you aren't eating dinner (sleeping together).

Yes, I know Jim liked hot chocolate. No, I am not counting it because I don't consider Jim and Gabriel to be the same person with the same proclivities, and Jim was highly suggestible at the time anyway.

Gabriel and Brielzebub's big happily ever after moment (as of now) was one between two asexual supernatural beings. They did not need to kiss to drive the point home. They showed what Crowley and Aziraphale could have, if they would only acknowledge it.

Crowley & Aziraphale's Dissatisfaction

But they do have that already, don't they? If you really think about it, what do Gabriel and Beelzebub do with each other that Crowley and Aziraphale don't already? They hold hands, they spend time together, they create little rituals, they give gifts, they're visibly and verbally affectionate with each other, etc. They are more or less already in a romantic asexual marriage relationship with each other, aren't they?

And it doesn't seem to be enough for either of them.

At the beginning of the season, Crowley is immediately shown to be unsatisfied with the way things are. Obviously part of it comes from living in his car, but it seems to be more than that (especially since Aziraphale makes it clear that the bookshop is just as much Crowley's as his, implying that he could have been living there the whole time and is choosing not to, for some reason?). You could argue he's feeling unmoored without Hell telling him what to do, but isn't that what he wanted? Isn't that what he still wants, by the end of the season? All season long, he's never indicated the desire for a new job, or a new project. He stopped the apocalypse because he wanted the freedom to openly spend time with Aziraphale, to spend his time on Earth however he sees fit. Until Gabriel arrives, he has exactly that (minus a flat).

So where does the dissatisfaction come from? And if it represents anything to do with his relationship, what does he want out of it that he isn't getting already?

I think Crowley only really comes to the realisation of what he's missing when Nina names it for him, not only putting them in the category of romantic, but physical (outright asking if they are sleeping together). These two posts [1], [2] go into more detail about what I mean, but I think it really pushes him into acknowledging that their relationship is more human than either of them have stopped to consider, and what that might mean as far as everything a human relationship can entail.

After all, Nina and Maggie only advised that he should talk to Aziraphale, make clear his feelings. The decision to kiss him, to tip them over the edge from nonphysical to physical, that was all him. And no, kissing isn't sex, but I wonder how taboo even that might be in the kind of all-encompassing asexuality most angels seem to identify with. (If they're disgusted by food and drink, I can only imagine what they think of snogging, much less sex.)

Aziraphale doesn't have this moment of someone observing their relationship from the outside. He loves Crowley, and as of 1941 probably even knows he's in love with him in a way that Crowley doesn't understand yet. Which makes sense, since love is technically his job, he'd be more likely to recognise it for what it is.

However, Aziraphale's reference for romance and relationships is Jane Austen. It's chaste. It's dancing and dinner and doing sweet things for each other and roses and candles and handholding. He contextualises his love for Crowley in that soft fantasy sort of way, where it's there, it's obviously there, but it's neat and easy and unspoken. Not to quote Glee in this, the year of our lord 2023, but it's all very "the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets".

Someone should tell that to Aziraphale's face, then.

I'm not going to pretend I know what Michael Sheen's script notes were, but there were definitely some Choices™ made. Because yes, there were plenty of moments in both seasons with Aziraphale looking at Crowley in a sweet, loving, smitten way. And then there were moments that were yearning.

But yearning for what, exactly? All of those sappy Jane Austen tropes already apply to the two of them. So why are there moments where Aziraphale is looking Crowley up and down like the last eclair in the window and licking his lips and visibly exhaling like he's trying to get in control of himself (see: Bastille scene + Crowley telling Muriel to ask him if they have any other questions about love)? Why is Aziraphale not only unconcerned when Crowley shoves him bodily up against a wall in s1, but staring at his lips and a beat too late in noticing Sister Mary's arrival? Why are some of his lines so suggestive? I'm sorry, but the car ride after the church explosion might as well have been the beginning of a Pizza Man porn with a really weird Blitz theme. If even my mother picked up on that vibe, I can't imagine it wasn't intentional on part of both the dialogue and the delivery.

(This section may feel like more of a reach/joke, but I'm really only 20% joking. These are writers and actors who are EXTREMELY good at their jobs; they know what they were doing here.)

More importantly, I don't think Aziraphale is even aware that there is more to what he wants. He lives in the Jane Austen fantasy and it never even occurs to him that he might be interested in anything further. It never even occurs to him that, as an angel, there is anything further to be interested in in the first place. Until Crowley forces it to occur to him. Just like I believe Nina forced Crowley to confront the idea that romantic love is what he's been feeling all along, I believe Crowley forced Aziraphale to confront the idea that physical intimacy is something he's been wanting, without even realising.

Aziraphale's Hedonism

Expanding on Aziraphale for a moment. We talked about his relationship with food, but we all know that Aziraphale is defined by his love of things that Feel Good.

It isn't just that he and Crowley love human things. Aziraphale loves the best of the best, or at least his version of it. He doesn't just love food, he loves going to fancy restaurants. He doesn't just love clothes, he loves soft, cosy, warm, plush clothes, or shiny, flashy, bougie fashion. He loves the warmth of tea and cocoa, loves getting drunk, and sitting in a comfy chair in the sunlight. He doesn't just experience, he indulges.

Given the emphasis put on things that Aziraphale loves just because they Feel Good, it feels narratively strange to assume that he wouldn't enjoy the feeling of being touched, or that he wouldn't be willing to try it, at least once, with someone he cared very deeply for. And just like the ox rib, I think that once he gets the first taste of things, he would absolutely tip over into complete and utter self-indulgence.

Dancing

I also think that dancing could be construed as a huge metaphor here. After all, we're told flat-out that angels don't Dance. Except one.

I would argue that Aziraphale, in fact, Made An Effort to learn how to Dance. He threw himself into the gavotte with delight (at a Victorian gay club; noted) and worked hard to be good at it. He's chomping at the bit to Dance with Crowley, working up the nerve to ask him with undeniably romantic intent and eagerness. So, angels don't Dance... unless they Make An Effort to do so.

We are told that demons, on the other hand, do Dance, but not well. Makes sense, since they're the ones who would want to encourage a deadly sin like lust, but have as little understanding of human love and physical intimacy as the angels. Crowley, however, is shown to be an excellent dancer at the ball, especially in his compatibility with Aziraphale.

(But Aziraphale WandaVisioned the ball so everyone knew how to dance! Yes, he did. However, the rest of the brainwashing doesn't seem to affect Crowley in any way, and they did actually live through the time period where this sort of dancing was a social norm; I'd be surprised if he never needed to learn. After all, the demons can't spell either, and Crowley is at least functionally literate, as far as we know.)

As of today, it's also been confirmed that when Aziraphale asked Crowley to dance, Crowley replied with "you don't dance." Not "WE don't dance". So going along with the metaphor, Crowley is just now discovering that Dancing is something Aziraphale is interested in at all, much less with him, and not denying that he himself is interested in Dancing. In his defense, I believe he was asleep for a few years while Aziraphale was learning the gavotte, so he wasn't exactly aware of Aziraphale's hot girl summer.

Love Languages

I want to expand on that; Crowley and Aziraphale's compatibility. Specifically in regards to their individual love languages.

We all know Crowley's love language is Acts of Service. I don't think there's any debate there. He loves it, Aziraphale loves it, they're both aware of it, we're all aware of it, God and Satan are aware of it, no surprise there.

You may disagree with me, but I believe Aziraphale's love language is Physical Touch, for a number of reasons. One of which being his aforementioned hedonism. Aziraphale likes things that Feel Good, remember? He likes soft clothes, and well-worn books. Neil himself has said that they like holding hands. And any time he is taken by surprise (Brielzebub getting together, the wave of love in Tadfield, etc.) what is the first thing he does? Reaches out for Crowley. He stops him with a hand to the chest in the pub. He leads him by the hand to the dance floor. He guides him by the waist in the graveyard. He reaches out during the entire Brielzebub scene, whether he can reach Crowley or not. Despite his own turmoil, he grasps at Crowley's back during the kiss.

The one time Crowley reaches out for him (not counting the kiss yet; we'll get there), he is aggressively pushed against a wall (by someone he loves and trusts) with a complete and utter lack of concern (and perhaps some interest, depending on how you read it).

And when he isn't reaching out for anyone, or there isn't anyone to reach out to? Well, he's wringing his own hands together, squeezing his own fingers, as if to find that physical comfort in himself.

So. With that theory in mind, we have Aziraphale (Physical Touch) + Crowley (Acts of Service). Throw in 6000+ years of deep love, cherished companionship, and forcibly repressed longing, and there is a very real potential of this combination resulting in fierce sexual compatibility. Where Aziraphale would want to touch and be touched, to indulge in physical pleasure with someone he adores, in the same the way he indulges in every other fine thing in his life. And where Crowley would want to indulge him in return, to give him everything he wants, and to take pleasure in Aziraphale's pleasure, in the same way he enjoys watching him take joy in food everything else.

So Aziraphale is an angel who is insecure about his own less-than-holy desires, who would want to treat Crowley like a luxury to be touched and cherished and adored. And Crowley is a demon who has, over the millennia, been unhappy about how they've been forced to deny even their friendship with each other, who would want Aziraphale to feel comfortable and safe and encouraged to indulge in earthly delights. That sounds like a stunning recipe for sexual compatibility to me.

"You said 'trust me'" / "And you did"

Just like the Job minisode, the Blitz is RIFE with symbolism (intentional or otherwise). This one will be quick, but I did want to touch on it because I thought it was interesting. Maybe I'm reaching at this point, but I'm assuming you read the tin.

First of all, Crowley not wanting to admit to never firing a gun before; comes off as someone who very much does not want to admit to their crush that they're a virgin ("You must have done this lots of times!" / "Umm.... yyyyyeah.")

(You could make the argument that Aziraphale having a firearms license and a Derringer in a hollowed-out book is symbolic of him not being a virgin while Crowley is. I disagree, for reasons I'll go into later, but it's a valid reading. However, I see it more like keeping a condom in your wallet; it's there in case you need it, but the opportunity has not yet risen no pun intended.)

More importantly, the theme of this entire minisode is trust. We already know they trust each other with their lives against the rest of Heaven, Hell, and the world. But specifically, this is about the importance of having complete trust in your partner in a charged, physically vulnerable, intimate moment, where the only danger is between the two of you.

Aziraphale needs to believe Crowley would never hurt him if he can help it. Crowley needs to trust Aziraphale's unwavering blind faith in him. Frankly, it all feels very symbolic of two people deeply in love losing their respective virginities with each other.

The trick is a success, and they share an intimate candlelit dinner in which they reaffirm their faith in each other. Aziraphale also begins to voice his agreement with Crowley, that maybe Heaven's rules shouldn't have to be as black and white as they are, and that there are benefits to... blurring the lines, shades of grey, wink wink (at which point even my mom was like, whoa guys, this is a family show).

Btw also: Can we all agree how much it looked like Crowley was getting ready to get a lapdance in that one scene? You know the one.

Also also: "Aim for my mouth"? Come on.

The Birds & The Bees

Now that I think of it, there's also something to be said for the fact that Crowley and Aziraphale are both obviously familiar with where babies come from (how they're made and how they're born) while the other angels aren't.

Something something Aziraphale and Crowley fundamentally understand sex and reproduction in a way the other angels (and probably demons) very much do not, nor have any desire to.

Probably not important. Just thought it was worth mentioning.

The Kiss™ & Religious Trauma

The Kiss. Where to even begin?

This has definitely been the hardest one to start, because there is so much going on here that I definitely won't be able to cover it all, and will certainly miss a few things here and there.

Aziraphale's reaction to the kiss afterwards is the most interesting to me. And I don't mean directly after, I don't mean the "I forgive you" part. I mean the way he touches his lips when Crowley is no longer in the room and he no longer needs to save face, when he is completely alone. Had it been directly after the kiss, it would have been rightfully read as horror, or disgust, a shield to discourage further action.

It's not. It isn't just a touch, it's a press. As desperate and angry and unexpected and imperfect as the kiss had been, Aziraphale is pressing it into himself, recreating the feeling as best he can. Beneath all the poor timing and shock and hurt from their fight and fallout, I think it's fair to say that it was something he enjoyed. Something he doesn't think he should enjoy, something that Feels Good that he only allows himself to indulge in when completely alone.

Remember, Aziraphale's idea of love is Jane Austen and gentleness and courtship and fantasy. If he'd ever even considered kissing an option, it might have been gentle pecks, cheek kisses, forehead kiss, hand kisses. Soft, safe, chaste affection.

Crowley's kiss turns all of that on its head. He introduces physical intimacy in a very real, very messy, very human way that I don't think Aziraphale ever even considered could apply to them. Considering what other angels are like and what they look down on, even Aziraphale's Jane Austen fantasies probably would have been considered taboo.

So for their first kiss to be rough and desperate and passionate in the way it was, of course he was confused and in shock. It was deeply physical, and as overwhelming and awful as it was in the moment, it Felt Good. Enough that he grasped at Crowley and kissed back, if only just for a moment, before stopping himself. Enough that he actively pressed it into his lips afterwards, in private, to remember.

I adore how Neil has decided to evolve these characters past the first book/season. More so in this season, Aziraphale and Crowley have both become such interesting allegories for queer people on either side of the spectrum of toxic religion. Aziraphale in particular obviously, because he is the side that so desperately wants to believe, to make a difference, and to unlearn all of the propaganda he's been fed over such a long time. Just like so much of organised religion, there is so much that he is told, time and time again, that he should not want, that he is silly or stupid or outright wrong for wanting. It reminds me so much of the severe Catholic guilt one might feel for wanting/engaging in sex for the first time, and the stigma of being queer layered on top of that.

What is so critical to Aziraphale's character is that he goes on wanting, and more than that, actively pursues. He was convinced to go up against Heaven and Hell and stop all of Armageddon because he wanted to go on listening to music and eating lunch and reading books and enjoying the simple company of the person he cares most deeply for, even if that person is supposed to be the enemy.

All this to say that if angels are as generally asexual/sex-averse as I believe them to be, narratively speaking, it would make sense for Aziraphale to be singular in that regard as well. Mirroring his first experience with food, it would make sense for Crowley to be the one to first introduce this new messy, physical, human dynamic between them, for Aziraphale to hesitate (obviously we are at the Hesitation phase at the moment), and then (eventually) for him to dive in wholeheartedly, to absolutely glut himself on this new thing that Feels Good. It would make sense for his character development to show him overcoming his metaphorical Catholic guilt and pursuing the sexual intimacy most (if not all) of the other angels would scorn.

(I can't help but remember that plot idea Neil described from the unwritten sequel, with Aziraphale in a hotel room trying to watch a full porno by way of the free 2-minute teaser clips so he wasn't technically sinning by paying for it. I so hope this is used in season 3, because gosh, I wonder why Aziraphale would suddenly be so interested in observing human physical intimacy after 6,000 years. Lonely and doing a little surreptitious research there, angel?)

Crowley, on the other hand, is the queer person who has broken free from his toxic religion. He prides himself on being his own person, on their his own side. He doesn't have the hang-ups Aziraphale does. He doesn't worry that he's going to be judged or cast aside for wanting things he's not supposed to. So it only makes sense for him to be the first one to suggest/initiate physical intimacy. It makes sense for him to be the one who "goes too fast" (another fantastic example of this dynamic beginning as early as s1; what is that conversation in the car meant to represent, if not Aziraphale being overwhelmed by the intensity of their relationship, and his fear of succumbing to it when he believes he shouldn't? It's also interesting that this is the first conversation to take place in Soho, just after watching Aziraphale realise he's caught feelings for a demon, with the red glow of lust serving as the backdrop).

Do I think the kiss in and of itself was sexual? No. I think it was a passionate and devastating last-ditch effort on Crowley's part to convey the way he feels for Aziraphale. Not just that he loves him, but that he loves him in the most human way possible. But I do think that the kiss represents how they can move forward from here, and what they might want to explore with each other once they feel free enough to do so.

In Conclusion

I am sure, deep in my bones (unless we are explicitly told otherwise), that this was both of their first kisses no, I'm not counting the gavotte, and that neither of them have ever thought to do anything else physical with the humans while they have been on Earth. Like I said before, they adore the human race and lifestyle in general, but ultimately view them as a separate species altogether, and they seem mostly happy to keep to themselves and each other, unless otherwise necessary. I just can't see either of them being drawn enough to a human to pursue anything close to sex. If Crowley in particular has had anything to do with sex in the context of temptations, I'm positive he would be inciting lust amongst the humans themselves, not involving himself directly. At least not that directly.

So, like every other human experience they've had on Earth, sex is something new that they could explore together, just the two of them, on their own side. A deeply intimate, tangible declaration of their love and everything they've gone through to earn it. A visceral finger to give both Heaven and Hell. A renewed appreciation for their corporations and for each other's. A enjoyable method for immortal beings to simply pass the time in each other's company. A new and exciting way to Feel Good, and all the variations that come with it.

You might agree with this post, or you might not. Whether this is something that is ever addressed or not, it doesn't matter to me. This is a brilliant love story either way, and I genuinely feel so privileged to witness it.

But I just can't find it in myself to imagine, given everything we know about these two characters, that sex isn't an experience they would both consume with wholehearted enthusiasm, curiosity, and profound, ineffable adoration.

___________________________________

Bonus feature: the very silly notes I made to myself that inspired this post

[illya-roma]

DP X DC PROMPT- (Fic that I'd totally probably might write)

Jason had learned from being a Robin to being Red Hood to expect a lot of things, from fighting the deranged to expecting the unexpected like daina (WONDER WOMAN!) being mind controlled.

But he never expected this.

He usually doesn't come here to begin, not after- after it happened, but he does each time whenever the pits wants to remind hims of what he could have lost. (What he lost, how it hurt hurt hurt. How HE hurt them. He knows that even if they forgive him, they'll never trust him again. The pit laughs from behind)

But tonight, in front of him sat someone?something? what appears to be a teenager from 14 to 16, with red hair that flickers similar to a flame and skin too pale and ears too pointy.

But it?she? sat on one of the headstone with her eyes glazed, too deep in her own thoughts.

A series of bubbles cut her off. She proceeded to put the baby (that seemed completely human) on her shoulder and allowed him to burb. Then cocooned him in blankets and hummed him to sleep.

Right now, he isn't red hood (or Robin). And his gun may not affect her, that is if the child belongs to someone else. (Did the parents give them to her? Or is she related? Have any alarms of a breakout occur that a meta? experiments? escape?).

(He sounds like Bruce.)

"A penny for your thoughts?"

The girl had her eyes on the child, with a small sad smile and flickers of flaming hair. "Just..."

"Just wondering what my grave would have looked like."

He sucked a breath.

"That ones yours...right?"

The girl (child ghost holy fuck!) nodded her head to his own grave. "Y-yeah...it's mine."

"It's beautiful... And well cleaned...They must've cared a lot, mister Jason."

He never thought about that. A well taken grave describes a caring family wouldn't it? (They do care! How is it still clean though?)

"Yeah...but uh...um...What's up with the..the baby?" Is the baby alive?

"Oh...Noone will take care of my baby boy... So.. I had to come back..."

She pushed back a few strands of black hair with tender eyes and the lightest touch. As if he where the most fragile crystle.

Jason could see himself in the child. All loved to the point his own mother would give up everything just for him. Except it was Bruce, it was Bruce that took him in and loved him. Standing beside his bed during nightmares when he cried and taking away the monsters. Sitting with Alfred, cooking together and exchanging stories.

(His family loved him. His family loves him.)

"Would you like to fly with me?"

Robin made me magic

He keeps wiping his face while she put the baby in a safer position. "We can have a brawl for fun after I put little Danny in his bed a-" she stopped mid scentence when looking at him

He sputtered. " Is something wrong?"

With fear in her eyes she floated, creating distance between both of them. She shaked her head in disbelief.

"You...you died..."

He took a step farther, not wanting to scare them away.

"But..b-but your... nononono why do you look like that?!"

He wanted to ask like what, but she disappeared before his eyes. (Did she know he wasn't safe? That he hurt his family?)

...

Beep

"Hey Jaylad, is the pit be-

"B-Bruce"

"Jason, what's wrong? Are yo- what happend?"

"I'm sorry, I'm s-so sorry, I'm sorry! Dad I'm sor-"

"I'm coming, hang in there."

"Little Wing what's wrong?"

"Todd, who hurt you? Who should I kill?"

"Jason, back ups close. Breath with me, alright!"

(His family loves him)

(The pits were silenced)

_______________________________________

In an alternative universe the Fenton are still driving around and setting up traps, unfortunately Jazz is the one who removes them and got caught.

Since jazz is the one that doesn't wear hazmats and dany is still a baby (she makes sure is far from their experiments with ectoplasm), she becomes a ghost who decides that she doesn't want Danny to get hurt and takes him somewhere near a lot of ectoplasm.

Gotham: sweet baby girl, little baby harley.

Let the drama begin.

Chapter 2

[jo-harrington]

Stranger Than (Fan)Fiction - Chapter 3: Lore Dump

Previous Chapter: Out of Character

Summary: After your bombshell revelation, Eddie finds it difficult to wrap his head around what is now his reality to empathize with your shared predicament.

Word Count: 8k

Pairing: Eddie Munson/Fem!Reader

Warnings/Themes: No-Upside-Down AU, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Lore Dump (literally), Isekai, Mentions of FOI-compliant events and characters, Various References to Movies and Television, Criticism of Fanfiction, Meta Fiction

Note: Ok besties here we are and the chapter, or at least one part of it, is very much as the title says. It's a Lore Dump as we figure out how Reader and Eddie have found themselves in this predicament. Warning everyone that it might be a little mind-fucky but a lot more will be explained in detail in future chapters. We've only just scratched the surface here.

You can find my masterlist here.

Please do not interact if you are not 18+.

Enjoy!

You'd never run so much in your entire life.

Alright, that might have been a little dramatic.

But that didn't mean it wasn't true.

"Is it always like this?" you panted as you chased after the flopping brown coat of the man a few steps ahead of you. "With the running?"

"Oh yes!" he called out. He looked back at you with a charming, crooked grin and pointed ahead. "You'll get used to it. Allons-y!"

This whole nightmare started when you crashed your car into, what you thought was, an unassuming blue "police box."

And now, several days later, you were running, ducking, diving...surviving all manner of monsters that seemingly popped up out of nowhere in the middle of Texas. With a goofy man with unbrushed hair and a buzzing screwdriver called The Doctor, and his companion--whatever that meant; it sounded suspicious to you--Martha, who kept staring at you like you'd grown another head.

You supposed adventure was the idea when you left the borders of Port Geneva proper, but this kind of adventure wasn't exactly what you had in mind. Static monsters who could literally take the words out of your mouth and a hive-mind controlling overlord whose goal it was to steal knowledge.

You might have been a lover of fantastical stories, but this was something beyond your wildest fantasies, and apparently something Martha and the Doctor encountered regularly, if their cool reaction to some of the atrocities you'd seen was indicator enough.

They both seemed to have it in mind that you were joining them for this type of ordeal from now on, though.

Especially the Doctor, if that "you'll get used to it" was something to go by.

"Come on, faster, faster," Martha called out to you from the threshold of a solid metal door just up ahead. "They can't get in through the iron."

You pumped your legs faster and ignored the burn in your lungs as you passed the Doctor and joined Martha in the safety of the bunker, with the man of the hour himself following shortly after. Martha slammed the door shut and then used the sonic to ensure the lock would hold.

They let you have a moment to catch your breath as they strategized plans for the next steps, which seemed impossible now that you were stuck in a bunker filled with junk and no exit.

"Nothing's impossible," the Doctor exclaimed as though he could read your mind. Maybe he could; you wouldn't put it past him. "And we're not stuck."

He removed the brown trench coat and got to work sorting through the junk in the bunker, while Martha took a seat beside you and patted your knee.

"You should be proud of yourself," she said gently. "It's really hard, dealing with all of this. And I've been with him for almost a year now. All the running, the monsters, all of the...impossible--

"Nothing's impossible Martha," the Doctor interjected.

"--improbable things," she amended. "It doesn't get easier, but you will get used to it. Besides, you'd think you were on the track team like Sam with how fast you've been running. Maybe you should have been the star relay runner instead of her."

Martha might have laughed.

But you didn't.

You felt a cold sense of dread overtake you. You'd told them about your friends back home earlier in the day, when you'd panicked over your impending doom. You cried and told them you wished you were still back there, safe and sound; in hindsight, it was a pathetic moment.

It wasn't what you'd said that gave you pause now, though; it's what you hadn't.

"Martha," you muttered nervously. "How did you know that Sam did relay?"

Martha's eyes went wide and she looked to the doctor in a sudden panic.

"I...I never told you she was on the track team."

It was a standoff.

A staring contest.

You and Eddie watched each other, unblinking, as if to see who would break first.

Eddie knew it would probably be him because his mind was racing, but he would give you the chance to repeat yourself, or elaborate, or maybe yell "surprise" first.

None of those things happened of course, so he was left in stunned silence trying to formulate the words to respond to your groundbreaking revelation.

We are in a fanfiction.

Fanfiction.

He had heard about fanfiction before. Drove the guys out to some comic book shop in Fort Wayne to celebrate Jeff's birthday and the nerds behind the counter were talking about a Star Trek fanfiction they read in some celebratory fan magazine.

He'd honestly never thought about Kirk and Spock like that and he really didn't want to again.

Even though it kind of made sense.

He just wasn’t that big of a Trek guy either.

But damn, even though he and the guys might not have been the popular kids, they were definitely not dorky like that, were they?

Except that they were. He was.

He wrote his favorite characters into his DnD campaigns as NPCs and he fantasized about what it would be like if he was Han Solo instead of Han himself, and tucked away in a drawer at home, there was definitely that story about you...

"Shit," he finally breathed out, blinking and breaking eye contact with you. "Shit, I did this. I mean, I know I did this, but did...did I do this?"

"What?" You frowned at him. "What do you mean, did you do this? Eddie, did you hear what I said?"

"No, yeah, of course I did," he began rambling. "I just...before you showed up in Hawkins, I...I wrote about you. I wrote about you leaving Port Geneva and coming to Hawkins and meeting me and...fuck...that means you know."

You stared at him blankly.

"You know that Port Geneva is a TV show," he clarified and then ran a hand through his hair. "Jesus Christ, how did I...how could I have done this? Shit. Shit."

You crossed the short distance and took a seat on the couch beside him, comforting hand finding his knee instantly.

"Eddie--"

"I'm sorry I did this. I'm sorry I just...you're my...my favorite character and I..."

"--you didn't do this. Someone else did."

He took a few breaths, heart pounding in his chest, and then swallowed hard.

"Who?"

"That's...a little harder to answer. But I think the thing you need to focus on right now--the thing you're missing--is that we are in a fanfiction. You and me. Together. Because I'm not the only one from a TV show. You are too."

Eddie was dumbstruck for a second.

Well, he was pretty dumbstruck about this whole thing. But he only had a second to really process it, because the next thing he knew, you were in his lap, lips pressed to his, hands fisting his jacket, and the door to the greenroom burst open as his friends walked in.

You pulled away from him as the catcalls and whistles and jokes began and glanced over your shoulder at the guys to bite your lip bashfully.

"Ah, looks like the original song worked after all," Jeff teased.

"Good, cuz then we don't have to play it anymore, bleh," Gareth stuck his tongue out. "You know, for everything you preach about metal and only metal Eddie, you sure wrote some sappy Greg Brady shit."

Eddie's ears rang as he answered. Well, as his mouth moved and voice spoke, saying something that got everyone laughing. Something that he had no control over once again. You turned back to him and he widened his eyes in some silent plea but you simply shook your head at him.

Instead you leaned forward and kissed him again, softer this time. Gentler. Different from the unexpected kiss just moments before, this was one of understanding and comfort.

He relaxed under your touch.

"Alright guys," you announced as you pulled away, words and tone of your voice not quite matching the softness of your gaze as you continued to watch him. "Your set's over. You don't have to go home but you can't stay here. Bev wants you out."

"What was all of that?" he demanded as you stepped out of your car.

After driving the guys home, he sat on your porch and waited. Chain smoking and lost in his thoughts until you got back to Forest Hills after your shift.

"Can I at least get inside first?" you asked with a nervous laugh. "Do you want to wake Granny up? Jesus."

He was on your heels as you unlocked your door and stepped inside, almost followed you to your bedroom when you said you'd wanted to change into PJs, and even declined a soda when you got settled back in the living room.

And once you couldn't stall for any more time, sitting next to each other on your couch, he stared at you and begged, "please, I need to know I'm not in a nightmare here. Or dead."

You let out a honk of laughter and then reached over to take his hand in yours, and he felt the slight edge of abject terror start to lessen.

"You're not in a nightmare," you reassured him. "Or dead."

"Then...then what is this?" he whispered desperately. "Is this a trick? A joke? Start from the beginning. Please."

You took a breath and began.

"It's fanfiction." You hummed contemplatively for a moment. "This is...I don't know when it started, actually. For me, that is. For you...well, there's no way we could say for sure; I can only talk about my own experience."

You paused and then said your name, the same way that you had introduced yourself originally. And then Eddie realized that you were introducing yourself again as you squeezed his hand in yours.

"I was born and raised in Port Geneva, and then in 1985 after graduation, I left to start my adventure. And from that moment on--for years--I got to have it. I got to have...a hundred adventures. A thousand. A million maybe? As many adventures as there have been people to imagine them. As many adventures as there have been fans to write them.

"Fans like you, Eddie," you smiled at him. "You said you wrote a story where I came to see you."

"Yeah," he nodded, cheeks hot under your gaze. "I did."

"And I'm your favorite character?"

He thought about you, thought about himself and the countless nights that he watched you on the screen.

"How could you not be my favorite?" he asked gently in return.

Your gaze turned soft and you looked down at his hand, clasped tightly within yours, and then you continued with your story.

"I got to see the world, got to meet so many people, I got to fall in love...except I never realized it. Until...until I met him."

"Him?" Eddie asked sharply, thoughts immediately spiraling.

Love.

You said love.

Who was this Him that you were in love with? Even through Eddie's confusion and panic about the predicament he was currently in, he could still feel a bitter jealousy roiling deep inside his gut.

"The Doctor," you whispered.

"Doctor Who?"

You snorted. "Exactly."

"I don't get it," he shook his head.

"Doctor Who...that's...it's the name of a television show. Been around for a long time, but I'm not sure how popular it is here. If it even exists. You have a lot of media that we didn't have in Port Geneva but there's a few things that...I dunno...that your writers haven't mentioned. Or The Writer hasn't included yet."

You explained it to him, or the gist of it at least.

An immortal time-traveling alien and his usually human companion, all of the adventures and misadventures and danger. Being able to go to different times and timelines and universes.

In any other scenario, it would have sounded cool. Maybe a little scary. But now, all Eddie could think about was this mess you were in.

"And...this Doctor...he's what brought you to Hawkins?" he questioned hesitantly, figuring that it made the most sense. "He thought he was bringing you back to Port Geneva's universe and brought you here instead?"

"Uh, no," you frowned. "That was The Writer. The Author. Whatever you want to call them."

"Because this is a fanfiction."

"Yeah. That was. And this is. I just...didn't know it yet. I didn't realize it was fanfiction until later. But, uh, whoever wrote that crossover story just brought me from my world into Doctor Who, and that was when I realized I was a fictional character from a TV Show. Because they wrote me as a character who jumped from a television show into the 'real world' of the Doctor and his friends."

Just like you were now: a fictional character in his world.

"It's hard to explain, but the Doctor made me aware of it. Made it make sense." You faltered. "Well...not really, but that's when it started. He told me that I wasn't real--"

"Wait,” he interrupted you. “But you said I was from a tv show back at the hideout. So you're telling me I'm not real?"

"Ed--"

"Because you’re from a tv show and so am I and this Doctor is too.”

“I wouldn’t try to think about it so hard.”

“Is that...the Doctor told you that you were a character in a TV show and you weren't real? And that's what you're telling me right now too?"

"It's hard to explain--"

"Because I don't know sweetheart," Eddie chuckled sardonically and shook his hands out of yours so he could run them over his face, through his hair. "I...I feel plenty real. And if there's anyone who isn't real here...well, I have a stack of video tapes back home that can provide enough evidence."

He’d thought about the barebones of it when he’d been outside waiting for you to get home, but faced with the truth of it now, the dominoes were starting to fall.

He was real, he had to be. His whole life, all of his memories, all of his friends, what about th—

"Can you let me fucking finish?" you snapped at him with a sharp clap.

His shoulders heaved and he stared at you with wild eyes.

"You're real," you explained calmly. "I'm real. We're both real. Real people. Real lives. Real memories. For the most part."

Eddie didn't like the sound of that.

"But this world...is your world and I don't belong here. Just like I didn't belong in the Doctor's world either. He explained it to me in some way I didn't quite understand; I'm just a girl from the midwest. I barely graduated high school and suddenly he was telling me there was some cosmic anomaly that pulled me out of my world, my tv show world, and that I was transported into his world. It was wild.

“The important thing though was that he didn't know how to get me home. So, until he could figure it out, I was stuck. And I traveled with him for a while. With him and his friend Martha…and then with another friend Donna. Until somewhere at the end of it all...I died."

Eddie's heart stopped in his chest; you...died?

The question was stuck on his lips, the demand to know more, but he felt himself choke up when he thought about it. Even more when he watched the tears well in your eyes as you remembered your own death.

"I died alone, bleeding out in the middle of an alien planet..." you recalled, wrenching your eyes shut. There was a beat of silence and he let you have a moment to recover. He watched your eyes dart around beneath your eyelids as you gathered your thoughts, as you recalled whatever horror you went through. When you were through, you blinked and looked up at him with the weight of a thousand truths in your gaze. "And then I wasn't dead anymore."

"What?!"

"Well obviously I'm alive,” you motioned down to yourself. “Maybe I’m a little worse for wear inside but I’m fine. Back then though...I was dead. One second I was in oblivion. And then next, I woke up in the driver's seat of my car, outside of a hotel in Odessa, Texas. With a man from the future named Hiro Nakamura, who told me I had to save the cheerleader if I wanted to save the world.

"And it all just started over again," you sighed.

You recounted this next place to him. Places, actually; plural. Names that meant nothing to him but seemed to mean something to you--Hiro, Claire, Peter, Sylar--and it all sounded fantastic. Another unbelievable adventure, but there was still something off.

"I...I tried to ask questions. About where I was, about where the Doctor was. It was always ignored. I tried to control things but it seemed like I couldn't, no matter how hard I tried. Tried to do things that I instinctively knew I wanted to do, but I just couldn't. It seemed like there was something controlling me instead. Like I was a puppet on a string. And everything that happened around me...never seemed to make any sense, no matter how hard I tried to wrap my head around it.

"Sound familiar?" you asked.

Eddie scoffed, thinking about the traumatic, out of control moments he had had the past few days. That hopeless, helpless, sinking feeling he'd had.

"It fucking sucks, sweetheart. You feel like that...all the time?"

"You get used to it." You shook your head. "Get used to playing along. I learned that really quickly; I resigned myself to this life where I was just a passenger in my own body. Until I realized if I just played the part that whatever forces-that-be wanted me to play, I could have a little more control."

There was a tense pause as you let Eddie absorb the information. And absorb it he did. He didn't like it, the idea that he had to play a part; it was something he'd been fighting all his life. But maybe if you said it was something that would make him feel more in control, he could try.

He turned to the next thought ever-present in his mind.

"So," he cleared his throat to start again. "How do you know this is a fanfiction? When did you figure that out? Because...when you showed up, I thought about all the possibilities--a dream, a nightmare, hell, heaven, a portal, a wormhole like in a comic book--and that was never one of them."

"Because of the interviews."

"Interviews..."

"They're fun and silly, I guess," you shrugged apathetically. "You'll be in the middle of your life, middle of your day, middle of a fight...and then the world goes dark and you'll find yourself sitting in a room alongside the people you know...and The Writer. An Interview with the Characters.

"I was already familiar with the fact that I was from a television show and in a world I didn't belong in. But I was the only person aware of that fact; to the Doctor, I was a fictional character, but here Port Geneva the television show...didn't exist. I was just another citizen of planet earth, and my home was a real place on the map, as real as Odessa or New York.

"But suddenly my friends and I were in that room sitting in front of someone. A writer. The Writer--SylaireIsMyOTP117--and they were all aware that they were characters in a television show called Heroes, that I was a character from Port Geneva, and that we were all in some kind of...story in another universe, written by this SylaireismyOTP117. Something they never seemed aware of before.

"And SylaireismyOTP117...she acted like she was our friend too, like she had our best interest in mind and valued our opinions. Everyone laughed along with all of her jokes. Answered all of her questions. Except me, because then it all came into perspective. She was the one playing with our lives--playing with my life--and putting us in danger. She made us travel through time to dangerous places, she created more dangers, she even killed Peter's older brother--something that apparently hadn't happened in the show. Well...not yet anyway."

Your hands clenched and unclenched.

"I thought I figured it out," you said through gritted teeth. "Found the person responsible for this predicament I was in. Because she was so...sure of herself. She even had the audacity to apologize for pulling me out of my world and into Heroes. I asked her why she made me die with the Doctor just so I could be a part of this world instead... but she didn't know what I was talking about.

"Suddenly she had this pink magazine in her hand. Pulled it out of her back pocket and waved it around, saying she found it in her mom's childhood bedroom. Said I must have been thinking about one of the stories from it. The Port Geneva Teen Fanzine. SylaireismyOTP117 told me she was sad that people had written me the way they did. Out of Character. That she wanted to give me something better than than had. A better adventure. Then the interview was over. And that was the end of that. Or just the beginning actually.

"Mystery solved." You held your hands out in front of you like you were presenting the secrets of the universe. Eddie could even imagine a glowing sphere floating there if he tried hard enough.

You started naming names then, of movies and books and television shows. Heroes and Lost and Vampire Diaries and The Dark Knight.

And. And. And.

The list just kept going and going.

It made Eddie's head spin to hear all of the places you had been, all of the lives you had lived, the things that all of these Writers had put you through.

To hear how sometimes you'd wake up in a new world, sometimes you'd seemingly get your happily ever after, sometimes none of the above. Sometimes you were even back home in Port Geneva--relieved--only to get ripped away all over again.

It never seemed to end the same way, but it always started with you in the driver's seat of your car. Chugging along to the next destination. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.

"And that's how you ended up here in Hawkins?" Eddie asked, then paused. "Do you know...what my show is called?"

"Uh," you winced and folded your hands together in your lap. "Yes. I do. And I know it seems like I know all of these things. I don’t. Rarely, actually. But sometimes the Writers think they're funny and they work the title into the story; that’s how I find out. Because it's out of place.

"But, uh, it’s not the first time I've been here in Hawkins, actually."

It was a record scratch moment for Eddie.

"You...you have?" He smiled and suddenly felt a sense of hope; alright, so his love for you was so undeniable that this wasn't the first time someone had brought you to him. To give him something good in his miserable shit life. "Well so, what happened last time? Why can't I remember? Is that just...well, I guess, what makes this time different? Why am I aware of it all this time?

"Wait! Wait! What's my show about? Is it...is it like...the Misadventures of a Wannabe Rockstar or something? You said that when we had breakfast at Benny's. Is that the title? It has to be."

He rambled for a second, excitedly trying to predict his future, a future where you got to see the ups and downs of his life as he and Corroded Coffin navigated their way to fame.

You let him ramble, let him live in hope for those few moments. Until he realized you weren't chattering excitedly with him.

Until he saw the pain in your eyes.

He deflated, mind suddenly turning to the worst scenarios. At least in his mind.

"We don't make it, do we?" Was the conclusion he could come to. "But it's Wannabe Rockstar, right?. Not Future Rockstar. I'm gonna end up working at Thatcher Tires instead or something. Dead end job, stuck in this town..."

"It isn't your show," you whispered. "Just like Port Geneva...wasn't really mine."

Eddie swallowed hard.

"It's called Stranger Things," you explained. "And it's...I dunno...there are monsters. The first time I was here, I wasn't transported in as someone's favorite TV character. It was 1983, Port Geneva was a real place, and I was a transfer student at Hawkins High. And awful things happened. But there was no Eddie Munson. They must've written you in later in the show."

You continued your own rambling then, as you tried to make him feel better about it all. How he must've been a beloved character for someone to write a story about him. How whatever story they were writing was a good story too, because there didn't seem to be any monsters in Hawkins, not like there were the first time you'd been there.

"And...and The Writer of this story must love you a lot," you concluded. "To bring your favorite tv character in to be your girlfriend. For us to...like each other, love each other--and I do like you Eddie, I want to make that very clear. You make me feel like I'm close to home for the first time in a long time--but it seems like they want to give you a happy ending too. One you deserve."

But your words didn't help. The sinking feeling was back, but this time The Writer didn't have anything to do with it.

It was him, all him. All this misery and he wasn't even the main character of his own show. He should've seen that coming. And yeah he could live with being someone's favorite, enough for them to write a happy ending or something but...

"'s that mean I have a sad ending in the show?" he wondered. "If there are usually monsters here but there aren't, and I get something...something good, does that mean I die or something?"

"Eddie, it's..." you trailed off, but the rest of the sentence was hanging in the air, clear to both of you.

It's better not to think about it that way.

He nodded slowly and pulled his hand away from you to run it over his face.

It was confusing, it was upsetting.

All of it.

The cherry on top of the shit sundae that was his week. His life.

Fuck, but none of it was real, right? Contrary to everything you said. So could he really be upset? Should he? At least he knew he had something good to look forward to. A happy ending.

But how could he look forward to it when he knew that...well, when he knew that he didn't deserve it in the first place. That wasn't what fate had in store for him.

Or the writers of this Stranger Things show.

His happiness was at the whim of The Writer. At the whim of some...loser nerd writing about him in another universe.

A nerd just like him.

Fuck, it was giving him a headache.

"I uh...have a lot to think about," he whispered. You nodded as he stood and crossed towards the door of your trailer so he could leave. He paused at the door, instinctively remembering that he had to kiss you goodbye. Until everything hit him all over again and he decided it was better not to. "I'll, uh, I'll call you. Ok?"

"Yeah," you nodded eagerly. "Call me whenever. Please. It's...it is a lot. And honestly, we only scratched the surface. But we can figure the rest out together. I can help you through it. I promise. I'll be here."

He left without another word.

Denial was the easiest way for Eddie to go about this whole ordeal, or so he thought. How the fuck else was someone supposed to come to terms with the fact that...

Nope he wasn't gonna go there. Not yet.

He knew that he would need to deal with it eventually--need to think it through and talk to you--but until then, he was just going to live his life like he normally would.

So he avoided those feelings, and avoided you.

And it seemed to work.

School, home, trip to Rick's to re-up his inventory on Wednesday, grocery run for Wayne on Thursday, Hellfire on Friday, no date on Saturday.

Dealing at a few parties, band practice where the music was all normal, and then finally back at the Hideout for their gig on Tuesday.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

It was a normal week and aside from the still-obvious markers of this new life he was living, like the mess in the trailer and the fancy renovations at the Hideout, Eddie felt relieved and a little less like he was about to lose his mind.

It was both a blessing and a curse though, because at the end of every day he realized just how much missed you.

You'd rooted yourself solidly in his life--both on tv and now in the flesh--for years. Even when he didn't have new episodes to watch and stories to enjoy, he had his reruns. His tapes. Then you were suddenly there in person and on the phone.

So the you-shaped hole that he punched in his life, when he decided to ignore his predicament, was gaping and obvious.

Yeah, he could tell Wayne about the great battle he'd come up with for Hellfire, or complain to the guys about the bogus chemistry homework. But it wasn't the same. Not anymore.

So he resolved to talk to you on Tuesday after the set, only you weren't there.

"Shouldn't you know Junior? That's your girl," Bev dismissed him with a wave of her hand. She must have taken pity on him at the sight of his sad eyes, and she just sighed and continued. "She called in sick. Took the night off. She seemed fine yesterday; better not be cuz of you, kid."

He feared you might have left town, maybe to spare him or something--how that would work with the fanfiction Gods? Weren't you supposed to stay in Hawkins? He wasn't sure--but your car was in front of your trailer by the time he got home.

Everything was quiet, and all the lights were off, even the porch light which you usually kept on. He debated knocking on your door, waking you up, but decided against it.

If you really were trying to give him space, or simply avoid him like he had avoided you, it was best not to wake you up and piss you off.

"Tomorrow," he told himself. "I'll talk to her after school tomorrow."

Of course, that was the plan and fanfiction or not, sometimes even the best laid plans went awry.

He was still Eddie Munson, after all.

Things never went his way.

Once again, he had Chrissy Cunningham to thank for his plight.

It was on this, the day of his reconciliation with you, that she decided her hunt or conquest or humiliation of him would take place.

Maybe all of the above.

It was raining, he was running late.

He would have cut classes--should have just cut--but despite all odds being against him now more than ever, he promised himself that he was going to try when it came to school.

He had just opened the door to his locker when she appeared, the tips of her pristine white sneakers kissing the sides of his muddied converse.

"Hey Eddie!" Chrissy greeted with a too-big smile and sparkling eyes.

Eddie jumped and looked around the hallway, conveniently lacking its usual amount of students who loitered around before class. Thankfully, no other cheerleaders or jocks in sight either, though; it was either a blessing or a curse, he couldn't tell for sure.

"Hey, uh," he coughed and glanced at Chrissy for a second, before distracting himself with the contents of his locker. Fuck, it was pretty messy in there too; now was as good a time as any to clean it. "What's up?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to talk to you," she beamed.

He felt a bubbling of annoyance build within him, somewhat out of his control.

"You can't want to talk to me and also not want anything Chrissy," he scoffed pretty harshly as he grabbed a handful of papers to sort through. "So do you want to buy weed for a slumber party or something? Or have you suddenly decided to throw your Homecoming crown in the trash so you could join Hellfire ?"

She shuffled her feet and clutched her books to her chest and then took a deep breath.

"I wanted to know if you'd like to hang out some time," she announced loudly, bravely. Eddie froze in shock and then turned to her; her cheeks were red but there was a resolve in her eyes that he'd never seen in her before. "There's a new movie playing at the Hawk. Clue. I don't know if you've heard of it, it looks a little spooky..."

She rambled on and Eddie was left to stare at her, dumbfounded.

Chrissy Cunningham? Asking him out? Ok so Gareth was right?

But was Gareth right? Was she really hot for him or was she just using him for her own amusement? Or was this another little...storytelling mishap that the Writer was putting him through?

Shit, how could he tell?

This kind of shit sort of always, sort of never happened to him before.

Plenty of popular girls thought it was fun to go out with The Freak just to get off or to have a laugh, sure. But everything else in his life was turning upside down thanks to the Writer. So was this just another layer to that absolute shit show?

Gah, what the fuck could it be?

The anger bubbled inside of him again, and he had the vaguest realization that the anger didn't really belong to him. It felt too intense, almost manufactured. He was hit with the sense of deja vu that he'd felt this way before--in the cafeteria before the almost-food-fight and then at Family Video--and he decided to put a stop to it immediately.

"Listen Chrissy," he interrupted her with a cool, indifferent tone. "The movie sounds cool, but I'm really not interested in going out with you." He turned back to shut his locker and get to class when she stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"If this is because of Jason," she began softly. "I'm...you don't have to worry. I'd break up with him if we went out."

"It's not about Jason," he snapped, out of control once again. Well and truly out of control. He felt himself shrug her hand away. "I have a girlfriend. A girlfriend who is actually cool and nice and interesting. Who likes the things that I like and doesn't like silly things like magazines and cheer and scrunchies." He watched in horror as he lifted his hand and flicked at her ponytail, and then felt angry at himself, at this situation, at The Writer when Chrissy flinched and dropped her books on the floor.

"It's almost funny that you'd think I'd be interested in someone like you," he spat at her venomously.

He felt the sudden urge to slam the locker, felt the urge to walk away, felt the urge to laugh in Chrissy's face.

But he resisted all of those urges with every fiber of his being.

He just stood there until the puppet strings were cut once again and he felt the rage and anger dissipate.

All the while, Chrissy went from a fearful, trembling mess in front of him, eyes welling with tears, to...nothing.

She just stood there too.

She looked down at her feet, shuffled back and forth for a moment, and then she scuffed her shoes against the floor, nudging the fallen textbooks.

She suddenly didn't look like Queen of Hawkins High Chrissy Cunningham, or someone that was afraid of the Wrath of the Freak, or some lash-batting temptress like she had been just moments ago.

She just looked like the girl who was hiding in the Auditorium at the Hawkins Middle School talent show all those years ago.

A person. Just like him.

Eddie cleared his throat and knelt down to help Chrissy pick up her books.

"Sorry," he muttered when she knelt beside him. "Sorry I--"

"No, it's ok. I guess...I don't know. I guess I just felt a little lost for a while," she explained softly. "And the only thing that seemed like it could fix it was you."

Interesting.

"But not anymore?" he wondered.

"Uh, no," she shook her head. "I don't even know...why I asked you out Eddie. No offense...but you're not really my type."

The two of them laughed for a second as they stood back up.

"You know," Eddie turned Chrissy's books over in his hand, "if you wanna break up with Carver, you can just do that. You don't need to use me as an excuse."

She froze in front of him, cheeks red again, as she hummed nervously.

"Thanks Eddie," she whispered. They both smiled softly, a silent understanding shared between them, and then Chrissy held out her books so he could stack the ones in his hand atop them.

And that's when he saw the book--magazine--at the top of her stack.

A pink-covered, handmade looking thing with a familiar name printed at the top of it.

Port Geneva Teen Fanzine.

His heart stopped.

That was the thing you said your Writer had shown you once upon a time, in your Interview.

For a second he wondered how Chrissy had it, but then he tried to figure out the logic that you were from a TV show and transported here. If he was a fan, there must be other people watching the show and fans of it too. Maybe the magazine transcended universes. Just like the show did.

It honestly made his head hurt trying to think about it.

"You...you like Port Geneva?" he asked, trying to remain as casual as possible.

"Hmm, yeah," Chrissy smiled down at the 'zine. "It's one of my favorite shows. My mom and I used to watch it together. Sam is my favorite character."

Somehow, that didn't surprise him one bit.

"Do you watch?" she questioned, brow quirked curiously. "It doesn't seem like your kind of show."

"I mean, I'm full of surprises," he teased, trying to keep his tone as lighthearted as possible. "But, uh...yeah. I used to."

"It's a bummer that it's over right?"

"Yeah...hey Chrissy, I know you don't owe me any favors or anything but, uh, can I borrow that?"

"Seriously?" she snorted. "It's just got like personality quizzes and little stories and stuff in it. Nothing special."

Little stories? Bingo.

"Yeah, just curious."

"Sure." They traded her textbooks for the magazine, and then with a shrill ring of the bell overhead, they went off to class.

He sat in his room after school, holding the Port Geneva Teen Fanzine like it was some sacred document not meant for the eyes of a mere mortal peasant like him.

The Dead Sea Scrolls or the Magna Carta or The Declaration of Independence.

It had burned a hole in his backpack the whole day, anticipation getting the better of him, but he knew that he didn't want to read the 'zine in front of his friends.

"So stupid," he scoffed at his own antics. "What was gonna happen? Davey wouldn't want to take the 'which character would make the best chemistry lab partner' quiz."

Maybe just in case there was something just inside the pink paper cover that would change his life forever.

"Like what? It's not like your yearbook picture's gonna be on the first page, idiot," he sighed and tightened his grip on the magazine. "Just gotta rip off that bandaid."

He closed his eyes tightly, took a breath, and flipped open the cover.

When he cracked one eye open to take a peek, he sighed in relief.

His face wasn't staring back up at him. No faces, actually. Just a table of contents that looked a little grainy, like it was copied on a Xerox machine and haphazardly thrown together.

There were different headlines just like there would be in a regular magazine--interviews, behind the scenes, quizzes--and then some unique ones--fan art, fan submissions, show theories. At the bottom of the Table of Contents, there was a little slip that could be cut out, filled, and mailed along with a few dollars to some address in California to get the next copy of the 'zine.

Eddie flipped through the pages curiously, and he truly enjoyed some of the pictures of fans visiting the set and getting pictures with a few cast members. Then an interview with the actress who played Sam's mom, who said what a joy it was to see her young co-stars grow up and come into their own, just like their characters.

Then about half-way through, he reached the Fan Submissions.

A section filled with fanfiction stories.

A section where your name was plastered practically everywhere.

Stories of you getting to go to big cities, ones where you finally returned home. A heartbreaking one where you returned in time for Sam and Pat's wedding and you cried because...

Because...you'd actually been in love with Patrick the whole time?

Eddie made a noise of shock as he read the detailed description of your heartbreak and the way that you recalled how sad you had been the day Pat had come to ask for your help with the proposal.

"Were we even watching the same show?" Eddie scoffed.

There were a few fanfiction submissions that characterized you that way, having this unrequited love for him.

But you never really showed any interest in him, other than friendship. Aside from Mark, you never had any romantic feelings in the show.

How had these so-called fans misread your relationship with Pat so terribly?

Or had Eddie's obsession with you clouded his ability to perceive the signs? Maybe he had been watching a different show than everyone else.

He wallowed in that feeling as he waded through the fan stories slowly--although one story about Bonnie and Bill seemed a little interesting: a Bakery/Flower Shop soulmate romance--until he got to one at the very end that caused the hair on his arms to stand on end.

A story about you...and Alex P. Keaton?

It was the only crossover in the fan submission, and it made Eddie nervous once again that he misunderstood your character.

Alex P. Keaton who read the Wall Street Journal for fun?! And you, and artist who followed your heart and went on an adventure to find yourself?! No, there was no way.

"This is a bunch of bullshit," he muttered. He shut the magazine and ran a hand over his face and into his hair.

Eddie wasn't the one who misunderstood you; it was everyone else who did. And if they had written you so wrong in this magazine, he could only dream of how wrongly they'd written you in all of those other stories you told him about. How miserable you must have felt in all of those different worlds.

Shit, and it was not only you who felt miserable, but him now too.

The wild events of the past few weeks had made him feel like he was going crazy. Yeah, at least he had an explanation for it now, but it didn't negate the fact that he suddenly felt like a stranger in his own life.

And if he felt like that, God only knows how you must've felt.

"Shit," he muttered.

He needed to talk to you.

He quickly got up from the bed and raced out of the house, panting as he jogged across the trailer park to get to your door.

He knocked frantically and impatiently waited for you to answer.

His resolve broke when you finally did.

Clothes--pajamas, actually--mussed, eyes bloodshot and puffy, you looked a lot like you had during the episode where Mark had broken your heart and you'd cried to Sam.

Had you thought that he was ending things with you because he had been avoiding you? Because of this whole situation? He ached to think that he'd hurt you like that.

"Sweetheart," Eddie whispered softly. "I should've called. Shit. I'm sorry I--"

"No," you sniffed and shook your head. You were smart enough to put two and two together and realize what he was apologizing for. "No, it's...Eddie this isn't because of you...I mean yeah, actually it is but..."

"I'm sorry," you both said simultaneously.

"I'm sorry that I just left the other night," Eddie elaborated. "I'm sorry that I avoided the whole thing, but I needed...I needed some sense of normalcy in all of this."

When he paused for breath, you immediately swooped in with your own apology and explanation.

"Well I'm sorry I seemed to have brought all of this bullshit with me to Hawkins," you stared at him pathetically. "I've never...no one has ever seemed aware of it before. I've been dealing with this alone for so long. I know I sort of dumped it on you; not only to explain, but maybe because I found some sort of relief that I wouldn't be going through it all alone anymore. I'd have you with me at least.

"And then, after you left, I really had time to think...how long it's been. My show aired in the 80's. And your show...Stranger Things? I mean...between my last time here...someone put me in a modern movie for a short time...and then I guess your season was a few years later maybe? Twenty-twenty-something?"

Eddie's throat tightened. They were still writing stories about the 80's that far in the future? Sure there were war movies and stuff. Man, people must've been really nostalgic and weird otherwise...

"It must be like...a historical documentary at that point," he laughed dryly.

"You calling me old?" you choked on a laugh, and then looked down at your hands. "I guess I am, though. I've lived through all of these different stories for...lifetimes. One story might take...I dunno, a few months for its Writer to finish, but it spans years. Years that I've lived through, one day at a time, with no break."

"Shit...that sounds..."

"Terrible?"

"Yeah."

"It is. I've been dealing with all of this...alone...for hundreds of years at this point I guess. Through stories that still write me as a teenager, or a middle-aged woman. I've lived and died over and over. I've been an artist, a writer, a dancer, a private investigator...I can't even remember the last time I got to go back to Port Geneva.

"And now that you're stuck in this hell too," your voice dropped to a whisper. "It made me sort of dread that for you too. Dread what kind of life that Writers might put you through, especially if your story in your show had a tragic ending like you said. They could give you everything you ever wanted, or they could just kill you again and again, for fun.

"And it's horrible and beautiful and great sometimes, but at the end of it all, it's tiring. Talking through it with you made me realize how much I wished I could be free, that maybe...maybe this Writer who brought me here would just be happy writing a story about the two of us for the rest of their lives or something. Spare us both anymore torture.

"Because at this point...I don't even know who I am anymore."

Your eyes welled with tears again and your shoulders heaved as you held back a sob.

And Eddie wished that he could tell you that he understood.

That his few days experience being aware that he was in a story could compare to everything that you'd seen.

He could tell you he appreciated your concern, that he felt that sense of dread that you felt for him. Assure you that he'd be fine. That it would be alright as long as you were in it together, just like you said.

But truthfully before hearing you say it right now, he hadn't come to that conclusion that he might be stuck in some endless loop of happiness and misery forever.

Because he did what he always did: he avoided the bad things. He ran away from this problem.

So what could say that could help you? That would make you feel better?

He wracked his brain for a moment, coming up with the right words.

But if there was anything Eddie did better than run away, it was say the right thing at the right time.

And he did.

"I know who you are," Eddie finally found his voice.

He took one of your hands in his and then cupped your cheek so you could look into his eyes.

"You might have forgotten who you are, but I know. I've always known. From the first time I saw you on screen, I felt such a connection to you."

He felt nervous, revealing his feelings to you. Confessing his fanatic behavior, his love for you. They were things he never said aloud to anyone and it made him nervous and vulnerable. Made him feel like he needed to run again. But your eyes glittered with unshed tears, and he knew he had to soldier on.

"Meeting you was like...the happiest day of my life. And you weren't anything that I expected, but everything I knew you were, deep down. And you...you've always seen the real me too, which is something very few people have the patience for. You're exactly who I've been waiting for.

"So maybe," he paused and cleared his throat. "Maybe we only have a few weeks together, or a few months, or maybe it'll be a few years for this Writer to give us a Happily Ever After. Maybe they'll put us through hell. But at least we're in it together. And I'll be here to remind you who you are if you ever forget, and to make sure you're not alone for as long as I can. As long as you promise that you'll do the same for me too."

In hindsight, a kiss was probably not the best end to his little declaration, but it felt right, so he did it anyway.

He leaned in and softly kissed your forehead, then the tip of your nose, then caught the softness of your lips between his.

The sound of your sigh, and the feeling of you melting against him, were the sweetest sensations he'd ever felt. It was a relief.

For a moment, right before he pulled away, Eddie felt a smug sense of superiority over everyone. All the writers who had made you question who you were, all of the love interests that they'd written for you--Alex P. Keaton could get fucked--and he resolved to make this a story for the ages, even if it never wound up on some fanfiction writer's page.

"Thank you Eddie," you whispered against his lips when all was said and done.

"We have a deal?"

"Yeah," you bit your lip and grinned at him. "It's a deal."

You backed away and, hands still locked together Eddie looked around the trailer park and sighed.

"So..." he scratched the back of his neck. "What happens now?"

Next Chapter: Reader Suggestions

There is no taglist for this series, please follow the STFF Updates tag or check the series out on AO3.

[blakbonnet]

AUTHOR OF THE WEEK: @darcylindbergh (@forpiratereasons)

Ever since the cancellation (and the second cancellation, thx max 🙃) I've found comfort in going back to fics that started it all for me - the OG fics that remind me of a happier time when the fandom was buzzing with activity, when it was all about meta and discussions and the love of the characters - and the first author I go back to to relive that is Darcy, without fail. I don't think you can read their work and be unaffected by it. Every single person I know has a favourite fic by them. Beyond lovely, lyrical prose, and brilliant plot - Darcy just gets them ✨ Read on to know a bit more about their writing process:

What's your writing process like? Do you start with the beginning or the end? Do you write in order or as the scenes come to you? 

Depends a little bit on how I came to the idea - was it an idea born from having a scene leap into my mind and now I’m just building the rest of the fic around it, or do I have a prompt, or do I have a goal I need to meet? So I start with whatever’s driving me to write the thing and I write the elevator pitch which is usually about 50 words of “what is this about.” Then I write a 500 word outline. Then I write a 1000 word outline. Then I start from the beginning and fill in to the end. I don’t usually write out of order, but I will if something really takes hold. 

Favourite trope or headcanon you like to explore while writing? 

Hurt/Comfort as a general trope. I like to write about finding the people who see you for who you are, the insecurity of disbelieving people could really love you, and the realization that it’s true, it’s really true: they do love you, not just as much as they say but so so so much more than they could put into words.

Whose voice is easier to write - Ed or Stede? Why? 

I think Ed is easier to write because his mind is very like mine (it’s definitely the untreated ADHD), but Stede is very fun to write because I think his sense of humor is quite like mine (it’s definitely the pretentious bitch /affectionate). They’re both so fantastically complex, I love being in both their heads. 

Your personal favourite thing you've written that you'd like more people to read 

Oh man this is a hard question. I will say I’m especially proud of “Bedtime Stories” which was a bit of an experiment and I’m so happy with how it turned out (@lindie-kninjaknitter did a great podfic too!) - and “Tenderly the Light” which I literally cried trying to write because I wanted it to work so bad and I trusted it so little, but with some distance I think it turned out really nice.

What is the one word that you think you use a lot? 

Not a word necessarily, but I like to write emotions as being felt in the inside of the elbows. I come back to that description a lot. 

Do you have a beta reader? Have they made you a better writer? 

I have a betaing cheerleader in @mintly who keeps me sane on the day to day. She reads about 75% of what I post in advance - the other 25% I’m just winging it really. Yeah, she’s absolutely made me a better writer, not just by helping me hone the story but by helping me trust myself too. 

Why OFMD 🥹

Gosh okay, the big question. For me OFMD is about - we spend a lot of our lives being put into little boxes ‘cause it’s tidy. It’s easy. And for a lot of our lives, we stick to our boxes because it’s easy for us too. We let it happen because there are expectations and we have responsibilities and obligations and these boxes keep us pinned in place, and it’s so easy to just stay where we’re put. 

But OFMD is about opening the lid to the box. It’s about seeing the light. It’s about how it’s never too late to open that lid. It’s about how if you just trust yourself enough and you trust the people around you, you can reach for a hand to lift you up and you can find one in the dark to help pull you out. You can find people, and you can find joy, and you can get out of that box and there’s so much room out there. And I know it’s hard. It’s so fucking hard. It’s okay if it’s hard. OFMD is about how it’s hard and scary and you will definitely fuck up and you will definitely have some scary moments wondering if you’re going to lose your balance and fall back in, but just hang on a little longer. Let that trust in yourself grow a little stronger. It’s better to stand unsteadily than to let yourself be made small again. 

And yeah, there will always be someone who wants to put you back in the box because it was easier for them, but you find your people and your joy and you hang on fucking tight and that’s stronger than easy. Our joy and our song and our communities and our hope will always be stronger than their commitment to easy. 

Rhys Darby’s legs don’t hurt either. 

Please head over to @ofmdlovelyletters (who also made the header) and send your love to all your favourite authors (and authors of the week 😈 watch that blog for some special letters coming your way)

[starbeltconstellation]

So I gotta ask, do you have any headcannons(or cannons I guess since you're the author) about Melanie and Anakin that you can share without spoilers to much.

I'm going through Rewrite the stars withdrawal lol

Awww, thank you so very much for the ask, dear! (And so sorry again about your Rewrite the Stars withdrawal. 😭 Things have been crazyyy in my life. My bro was in the hospital for a while, but he’s okay now though. Also just me fighting my never ending depression spells 🙃). 😅😂

I would be happy to offer some “head” canons! Or canons, technically, as you said. 😂 Lol.

Essentially, this has become like one big, long SW meta analysis and meta analysis on my SW fic, Rewrite the Stars, and Anakin and Melanie’s characters. Sorry for the long response. 😭 I got really into explaining my thoughts. Haha.

I’ll put this under a read more, as it’s VERYYY long:

I’ll just say that the entire reason I started this story is because well, I wanted a fix it fic of course. 😂 But also just because I wanted to write this kind of grand, epic tale in general, just like Star Wars is supposed to be.

A lot of fics I’ve seen like this completely demonize the Jedi most of the time and blame them for their own genocide. And the ones that don’t, also flip it the complete opposite way around and demonize Anakin to where he’s nothing but a cackling demon who kicks puppies for fun (and well… would he do that AFTER the prequel trilogy when he’s in his emo Darth Vader era? Probably. 😂 But he wouldn’t be CACKLING while doing it. He’d be very bitter and callous about it, because Anakin likes to take out his anger on the world when he’s in pain, so by GOD the entire galaxy is gonna be in pain along with him).

But anyways, I’m kinda getting off track.

My point is: the whole reason I started my SW fic is because I wanted to write the type of epic, grand tale of a fic that I’ve been looking for that treats all of its characters with love and respect while ALSO still calling out their flaws and allowing them to grow. That includes everyone: Anakin, Padmé, Ahsoka, Barriss, Mace, Obi-Wan, Dooku, Satine, etc—EVERYONE.

I feel like fandom has become this toxic environment where if you’re criticizing a character, then… (le gasp 😱)… you don’t really LIKE themmm. (Untrue. 😂).

I love, love, LOVE Anakin. He is my hot, insane, child killing bastard of a mans.

… But I also hate him too. 😭😂

I HATE what he’s done and what he believes in after the war and how he just wallows like a child in his pain. I HATE how selfish he is (while at the same time heavily relate to his fear of death and losing those he loves to them dying/growing older). And I also HATE how damn close he was to making a better choice, but he DIDN’T, because in the end, it didn’t MATTER if Anakin technically knew the ‘right’ way to act. He purposely went against it, because he was just too selfish to let go of Padmé (he kinda did a self fulfilling prophecy with her death, but we’re not gonna talk about that part right now), and so he decided his happiness meant more than the entire galaxy, and burned down his childhood home like a school shooter and helped genocide his friends just for the CHANCE to save his wife.

And all of this, in the usual fics I’ve seen, can somehow be undone, just by changing a few little moments in Anakin’s life where he doesn’t get his feelings hurt: ie; Obi-Wan faking his death, Ahsoka leaving the Order/being framed by Barriss, or Mace/Qui-Gon/whoever-the-fuck-you-want-to-say being assigned as his Master instead of Obi-Wan.

And just… no. 😂

As shown through this wonderful SW blog here:

Anakin doesn’t do what he did because, oh, “This, this, and THIS happened to him”, and if you take that away and help him avoid it, he’ll suddenly change and be all warm and fuzzy inside and won’t burn the whole fucking galaxy just because HE cannot handle Padmé (MAYBE) dying and leaving him alone (when he wouldn’t even really BE alone, but Anakin also clearly puts Padmé/romantic love above all else. He might care for his friends and family, but he’d throw them all under the bus if it came down to the wire between them and Padmé). This is something I will go into in the fic as Anakin slowly starts to take a look at himself as he realizes: “wait… wtf? Do I even KNOW what Rex does outside of work? 🤔😨” for him to realize that he’s so obsessive over one person… that everyone else is slowly becoming put to the wayside.

Stopping one or two little things in Anakin’s life during the Clone Wars isn’t going to magically make him see the light and not be a currently ticking time bomb.

That is not how change WORKS. Not REAL change anyway. All of the fics I’ve seen written, usually hand wave a lot of Anakin’s misdeeds and flaws away, and pretend like if you hold Anakin’s hand through certain parts of the war and help him avoid THESE certain moments, that he’ll suddenly just magically become a better person who understands what being selfless and less greedy actually means.

That… is not true change. TRUE change is Anakin HIMSELF realizing slowly but surely as the war goes on that he’s slowly becoming someone he doesn’t recognize in the mirror anymore (*cough* Mel line drop from upcoming chapter? 👀✨ *cough*). TRUE change is Anakin HIMSELF working through his flaws and inner demons, before he gradually begins to realize with a sense of sickening horror that he has been WRONG: ie; massacring an entire Tusken village down to the last child while never telling another soul except Padmé about it and whistling happily to himself without a care in the world as the war rages on.

TRUE change (as you might’ve started to guess from the most recent chapter of my fic) is Anakin HIMSELF slowly but surely starting to question his actions, by comparing them to other people he respects and cares for.

Which brings us to your question on “headcanons”.

The entire purpose of the relationship between Melanie and Anakin (besides me living vicariously through her 😂) is that they are a MIRROR for each other.

Melanie and Anakin, while very different, aren’t COMPLETE and total opposites. There are purposeful parallels between them: their moms, their care of droids, their fear of losing those they love to death, and the PURPOSEFUL CHOICE GIVEN TO MELANIE BY THE SHOPKEEPER 👀 that parallels the choice Anakin is given at the end of ROTS by Palpatine himself in their choice to help the galaxy or be selfish and choose themselves/their own wants instead.

There is a quote I have based their relationship off of. I will share it here (if you are still with me, because I know I ramble a lot 😅😂):

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.

—Elizabeth Gilbert

-

Melanie and Anakin are meant to have parallel journeys, even though their personalities are very different. But it’s more than that: their fatal flaws are in direct conflict with each other.

Anakin’s fatal flaw is: greed/selfishness.

Melanie’s fatal flaw is: fear/judgement.

BUT as they are forced into working together… the more they interact with each other… the more their fatal flaws are FORCED to be challenged by the other.

Anakin’s more selfish nature is challenged more and more by just being in Melanie’s presence and watching how she acts with complete compassion and selflessness in certain situations, which makes him slowly start to look at himself internally and take a look at his own actions and thoughts, gradually beginning to realize how selfish he’s slowly become without even realizing it.

Melanie, in turn, has the purposeful flaw of judgment, which can make her self righteous at times (even if she IS correct most of the time 😂), and also the flaw of fear, which as readers have seen, makes her a bit more cautious than she should be in her actions on trying to outsmart Palpatine to save the galaxy.

It’s kind of ironic: just being AROUND Anakin slowly begins to challenge Melanie’s fatal flaws (since she was completely fucking terrified of him the very first moment she realized she was in the SW universe and realized Anakin/Darth Vader was real now 😂). She sees things in such a black and white way at first, but as time goes on, Anakin’s need to be gentle with her and prove himself to Mel, makes her question her judgment with him, which allows her the ability to give him a chance. In turn, just being in his PRESENCE challenges her other fatal flaw on fear, since he’s a walking nightmare PTSD trigger for her pounding heart (and not always in the fun way 👀💓❤️‍🔥☠️😂).

Anyway, my point is that they aren’t just meant to be together romantically to be TOGETHER. It’s because I have purposefully tried to develop a romantic slow burn relationship that comes with my story to weave itself against the original theme of Rewrite the Stars, which is this: TRUE change and atonement/redemption.

Anakin physically CANNOT get closer to Mel, until he forced himself to take a step back and give her some space. If he wants to get anywhere with her, he HAS to start looking internally at himself to try and change and be more gentle with her.

Melanie, in turn, CANNOT outsmart Palpatine and win the war without Anakin’s help and working together with him over the next three years of The Clone Wars. She HAS to get past her judgment and allow herself to swallow her terror enough to give him a chance, because she NEEDS him to win.

This is a chess match between her and Palpatine, remember? And if you lose the king, you lose the game.

ANAKIN is the king. 👀

I bet you can’t guess what chess piece Melanie is. 😂 Lol.

Anyway, I feel like I’ve done a whole lot of taking in circles (sorry about that 😅), because I wanted to go ahead and explain my whole process for this fic while I had the time, so I can also refer this post if I ever need to again.

Now! Getting into some more FUN Stuff:

Idk if you’ve looked up my fic on Wattpad, but I have a lot of cool graphics posted there from my mind and from other artists/authors that have gifted me such wonderful cover art ( @shoniwake ! 👀✨❤️), and in a certain subsection, I have a whole playlist page dedicated as a type of ‘outline’ for the entire story of my fic (fair warning, it’s a lot 😅), just because I think it helps me with planning stuff out.

I won’t tell you all of them, of course. But I’ll share a few of my favorite songs that I always think are the PERFECT songs for Melanie and Anakin’s relationship and their slow burn romantic development. 😭🥺💔❤️💕✨

Innocence by Nathan Wagner

Stronger Together by Lou & SQVARE

Now I See by Lou & SQVARE

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I love these three songs so much, because of their theme of two people coming together as a team and/or learning to open up their hearts to the other and to help the other person the see world in a different way. 🥹❤️💕

This is basically what I want for Melanie and Anakin. Their relationship isn’t just about having a romance in the story (although that’s part of it. Haha 😂💕). It’s about how their relationship meshes in with the rest of the themes of the story: TRUE change and growth into something better.

Melakin is purposely written to be in direct contrast to Anidala (which is still written with care and not erasing their genuine affection, by the way! I think it’s extremely lazy writing to write a canon relationship OOC just to prop up your OC’s own), which shows the difference between a more healthy developing relationship that is based on genuine care and respect (Melakin) and in contrast with one that is more based around idealizing the other person/ignoring their faults and putting them up on a pedestal that is sure to lead to disappointment (Anidala).

This is, as you know from reading the fic, slowly starting to be shown in how Anidala acts with each other in their trash fire (in my opinion! Don’t kill meeee! 🙌😂) of a marriage, which has them basically talking past each other/not really caring about anything that isn’t SPECIFICALLY RELEVANT to the other person (ie; them. Not anything with their family or job. Just THEM. Because while the love is genuine, it’s also eerily obsessive, which was GL’s whole point of them being star crossed lovers that burn out from their own flawed choices in regards to being together and trying to have it all).

This is also shown in my fic with Melakin vs Anidala contrasting each other in Anakin’s choices and how he interacts with them. Anakin REMEMBERS stuff about Mel’s life and choices that really he has no need to care about, but he does anyway. In contrast, there is a scene in the latest chapter of my SW fic where Anakin forgets a very… important member… of Padmé’s family 😭 (If you know, you know 👀🫣😬). 😂

I guess what I’m saying is is that I’m trying to not PREACH to the readers of my fic. I’m trying to write scenes that SHOW them what I believe to be true in regards to Anidala’s toxic relationship/the Jedi being scapegoats that everyone cruelly blames for their own genocide/how the Jedi culture might not be how THE READERS want to live, but it doesn’t change the fact that it IS a valid culture/way to live, and it doesn’t deserve to be eradicated just because you don’t understand/like/agree with it.

I’m trying to lead up into the themes and lessons of my fic as I go along, is what I’m saying. 😂 Which is a really heavy feat, considering how long it’ll end up being as a grand, epic tale. 😩

And a big part of the theme of my SW Fic: genuine change and growth into something better than you were before (ie; TRUE redemption) cannot happen to Anakin as easily as some of the time travel fix-it fics/other fix-it fics I’ve seen written on A03 before. Changing a few little things so Anakin doesn’t have to deal with a few moments in his life is not GENUINE and TRUE change. What that is is essentially placation. It’s PLACATING and CODDLING someone dangerous, which allows them (for the MOMENT) to calm down, because they are generally happy and have the things they want and aren’t under stress like Anakin was in the ending of ROTS when there was nobody there to hold his hand for him to ‘guide’ him in the right direction.

For TRUE change and redemption to happen for Anakin, he has to admit to himself that he was WRONG.

He has to ADMIT and ACKNOWLEDGE that actions he has taken are horrific (the Tusken Massacre), and accept people’s/the Jedi’s judgment on it without becoming defensive and acting like he’s being unfairly attacked and punished for something not that big of a deal. He has to ADMIT and ACKNOWLEDGE that his thought process has slowly but surely become corrupted over the years without him even realizing it, whether that’s from the war or Palpatine stroking his ego or from the trauma of his childhood making him cling to things too hard—it doesn’t really matter. He has to RECOGNIZE that he has become someone over the years that he can’t even recognize in the mirror in relation to that little nine year old boy on Tatooine (about how selfish he has become), and what he can do to change that.

I know some fans will think I am attacking Anakin and that I hate him or something (and well… I DO hate him… but I also love him 🫣☠️❤️😂), but that is not the case. I LOVE Anakin’s character and truly relate to him on such a deep level in terms of how terrified he is of losing the people he loves to death. I can recognize myself and some of my worst fears deeply in him.

However, at the same time, I can also acknowledge that Anakin’s trauma from his childhood (from slavery/his mother dying in front of him), has essentially made his entire personality completely self serving. Because yes, Anakin can care about other people. He cares about and loves his friends. He’d do anything he could to keep them from harm (at least in TCW era 🥶☠️), but the hard truth is… he doesn’t think of his relationships and saving them from death in terms of what his LOVED ONES deserve or what THEY will lose if they die. He thinks about it in terms of what HE will lose if they die.

He straight up says it in the scene with Mace and then the scene with Palpatine: He NEEDS to keep Palpatine (who he KNOWS is an evil Sith Lord) alive, because it’s the only way he can keep Padmé alive. HE can’t live without HER.

There’s genuine love there. I am not denying that. Anakin isn’t a cackling villain like Palpatine (it’s the whole reason Anakin CAN be talked into coming back to the Light Side by Luke, whereas Palpatine would melt Luke’s fucking face off without hesitation if he tried). He cares and loves his family and friends and wife and kids… in a TOXIC way. In an OBSESSIVE way. In a way that is essentially all about HIM: ie; selfish.

Example 1:

Out of context, this sounds very romantic and simply just a reasonable amount of worry. But in relation to all the other things Anakin will end up saying while referring to Padmé as essentially a possession, I’m placing it here anyway as perhaps a sign of his darkening thoughts.

Example 2:

Yes, yes, I knowwww… some of you ladies will be like: 🥺💔 at the sad murder puppy moment. And I suppose it’s still very evil wet cat bastard level/blorbo of him in a intoxicating way for people who want to feel loved—at the same time, he’s essentially saying: look, man, I don’t care if I gotta murder some kids and betray my friends and descend the galaxy and Republic into darkness (which I know my wife will be fucking horrified at). It’s very important that I DO NOT have to deal with this pain, okay?? 😭 Everyone else can be in pain, but not meeee. I’ll crush and stab my friends in the back just so I won’t be left alone from my wife dying.

Very sad. Very wet cat villain blorbo of him.

And yet—VERY selfish and evil. 😭🤷‍♀️👀😂

He’s essentially saying—fuck the galaxy. Let me get mine, and I’ll go home. ☠️

Example 3:

This one’s pretty obvious. By this point, he’s lost his shit. His mind’s already cracking at the seams as he tries to keep justifying the actions he’s taken, which will eventually lead into his 20 year long dissociation where he essentially goes, “Nahhh, that wasn’t meee. That was DARTH VADER. Anakin didn’t do that, because ANAKIN is still a good person (he mutters to himself over and over like a maniac at night in his emo villain lair), whereas I AM THE DARK INCARNATE. 😌🖤” so he doesn’t have to admit to himself that HE—yes, THAT he, Anakin fucking Skywalker—has become an actual terrible fucking person with no heart. 🤷‍♀️😭😬

I don’t see why this is so hard for SW fandom to get. It’s a METAPHOR George Lucas uses to say Darth Vader killed Anakin (and also just a way to plug up the plot hole of what Obi-Wan originally told Luke in the first movie). It doesn’t mean that Anakin’s consciousness is sleeping inside Vader’s head like a fucking cat. Lmao. 😭

Not only would that not make SENSE in terms of how GL wrote it, but it also just essentially makes Anakin’s ‘redemption’ (I don’t really view it as a true redemption. More like just the Christian version of salvation for his soul by the skin of his teeth. Although GL did say Anakin was redeemed in the eyes of LUKE only, because he said some crap about being redeemed in the eyes of our children) all but useless. 😭 You can’t say on one hand that Darth Vader’s ‘redemption’ is the most iconic one of all time, while at the same time saying on the other hand that “Anakin never did any of those things. It was DaRtH VaDeR! 🤪🤪🤪” because then you’re essentially absolving Anakin of all of his crimes while on the Dark Side, and if Anakin is absolved of all of his crimes… then wtf is there TO make him the most iconic ‘redemption’ of all time??? 😭🤷‍♀️ I mean, like—what IS there to ‘redeem’ at that point??? Ya can’t have both, kids. Lol. 😂

This is also essentially what Anakin wanted in terms of his relationship with Padmé and the Jedi Order. He wanted it ALL. He wanted BOTH. Sureee, he TALKED about quitting the Jedi Order eventually after the war to be with Padmé in a little space cottage. But could he WALK THE WALK? Could he really give up the thrill of chasing an enemy, or the twitch of his fingers in reaching for his lightsaber? 😑🤔 Me myself has some doubtssss.

He wanted it ALL. He wanted to be married while ALSO having the strength and power that came from being a Jedi Knight. He didn’t WANT to choose. He even SAYS it.

Example 4: Essentially this SW meme

He doesn’t want to CHOOSE. And it’s why it’s BS when it’s argued he was put in this position by the Council’s rules on marriage, because it’s LITERALLY just like a vow of a priest at a Catholic Church. They can’t marry either, just like the Jedi Order. BUT (unlike what fandom likes to believe), the Order isn’t some cult, and you are free to leave at any time (and hell, they’ll even build a statue after you leave, apparently, if the one they built of Dooku that’s in the Archives (I think) is anything to go by), just as a priest is free to leave the Catholic Church at any time. Because it’s a COMMITMENT to that place. And people might think it’s dumb/stupid/not like it—or even understand it! And you don’t HAVE to like something from a religion/culture/belief, or understand something, to still respect it (another theme drop for the next chapter of my SW fic? 👀😂).

So, what some people will probably wonder is—“But, Starbelt! (Le gasp 😱) Then how is the Jedi culture going to be respected in my fic, if Melakin is still endgame at the end of their slow, slow burn?”

And to that question, I say, “I am not a by-the-book-to-the-very-LETTER interpreter of the Jedi Code (although I’m not saying the code of an entire culture is gonna be ‘changed’ for legit one person/couple. Lmao. 🤦‍♀️🤷‍♀️😂), but I AM a Jedi lover who is of the belief that—even if you don’t completely AGREE or even UNDERSTAND the Jedi Order and their code—it shouldn’t matter. It shouldn’t be difficult to respect it. It shouldn’t be difficult to not scold a culture on their beliefs, while essentially saying that belief is the reason it is ‘good’ for The Force/galaxy that they were genocided as a ‘clean slate’. 😬🤦‍♀️☠️”

What I WILL say, is that I am going to explore the Jedi Order and the different interpretations of the Code and The Force in general in this fic, and what that means in terms of coexistence, instead of the frankly childish notion of just painting an entire culture as emotionless and wrong in their beliefs, like they are some kind of stuck up, snooty and rich culture that ‘deserved what they got’. 🙄🤦‍♀️😬☠️

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ANYWAY, back to my point with Anakin, and how my fic is trying to complete the most massive and epic of all writing tasks: making Anakin slowly change and grow out of his greed and selfishness into a better person in such an organic way, that perhaps may one day be compared with the likes of Zuko’s redemption from ATLA (I know, I knowww. Pretty high hopes for myself. Lol. 😂).

So, essentially, in the original “timeline” of ROTS, Anakin is freaking losing it, and since nobody is there to hold his hand, he descends right into the core selfishness that is buried inside of him, where he basically just decides, “Fuck it,” and throws all of his morals out the window so he can keep himself from the pain of losing Padmé (ie; it’s really about HIM and his fear, and not about Padmé deserving to live and see more beauty in the world) by cutting off Mace’s hand to stop him from killing Palpatine, because—in Anakin’s OWN words:

Example 5:

Like… 🤷‍♀️😭.

People like to sing “Lalalala,” and plug their ears by pretending Anakin is just so shocked in this scene (le gasp 😱) that Mace is being so UN-JEDI-LIKE, and that it just convinced him that the Jedi Order truly has been ‘corrupted’. 🤦‍♀️🙄

Now see… that might hold some water if Anakin literally didn’t scream “I NeEd HiM! 😡” at Mace like an unhinged five year old, which literally PROVES that the only reason Anakin wants Mace to keep Palpatine alive and not to kill the guy yet is because he needs to learn the super-secret-Dark-Side-magicy way of how to save himself from the pain of losing Padmé to dying in childbirth.

… Because like some may recall, Anakin LITERALLY beheaded Dooku himself all but like… what? 12 hours ago? 😭🤦‍♀️

Essentially, this meme:

So, essentially, what I’m getting at here is: Anakin is a goddamn hypocrite. 😂

Now, in relation to my SW fic? What I essentially am TRYING to accomplish, is to have Anakin slowly CHANGE HIMSELF as the war goes on and he interacts more with Melanie and witnesses her compassion, while in turn comparing her actions to his own.

Melanie isn’t supposed to ‘fix’ or ‘change’ Anakin. Anakin is supposed to be INSPIRED to change from how he grows to care and admire Mel’s choices and who she is inside her heart as the Clone Wars rages on.

I do all of this, so in the HOPES that when he is presented with this scene again, it makes perfect sense to all readers of my fic that his choice may become different—essentially choosing for ONCE, a more selfless route, out of no expectation that he will gain anything in return (that only happens with Luke like—20 years later—and it’s not like he had many other options at that point. 😭🤷‍♀️ Lol.).

(And as I said—MAY become different… 👀 After all, Melanie still has a long way to go before the end of the war… 👀)

But yeah—that’s my plans with my SW Anakin x OC Fic, Rewrite the Stars, and how I’m planning it and Melakin’s relationship to go. I placed a big feat on myself. 😂❤️💕

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If you wanna see some of my like… ideas/notes on what I have planned to eventually place in there somewhere, I will show you a few things, because it’s not really SPOILERS, since I already talk about the Jedi genocide a lot anyway (it drives me up the wall when SW fandom refers to it as ThE FaLl Of ThE jEdi 🤪🤪🤪). Guess it makes it easier to blame them all for their own deaths that way if you refer to their genocide and slaughter as a “fall”. 😭🙄 Idk. 🤷‍♀️

I also have some stuff with the history of Churches splitting into different factions (ie: The Great Schism of 1054), which I will be weaving in as a parallel at some point. 👀👀 I will not explain why, as that would be too spoilery, but I’m sure some of my more in depth analysis readers on my work could guess if they thought about it hard enough… 👀

There are also some comparisons on the Jedi genocide in the SW universe, and how it parallels the Air Nomad genocide in the ATLA universe pretty much to a T in terms of how fast it all happens in one day, and also how any survivors were hunted down and lured out with relics of their own culture, not to MENTION just the fact that both of these cultures are just non-western inspired in general (seriously, what is with people and killing monks in Temples? Lol. 🤷‍♀️😂). It’s also just an interesting comparison in general, because where the ATLA fandom usually is quite sympathetic to the Air Nomad genocide, on the other hand, the SW fandom is so nauseatingly nonchalant and cruel about the Jedi Order’s genocide that it’s almost downright weird. It’s almost like the SW fandom has this THING about never calling the Jedi’s “Fall 🙄” what it actually was—a horrific genocide. I swear to Godddd, SW fandom must be allergic to the word. 😂🤦‍♀️

I also threw in the ‘Hero’s journey’ thing I’ve been using for Melanie to try and make her a relatable protagonist, while also still having her own character arc along with Anakin’s. It was really important to me that she had her OWN arc away from Anakin, and that she had more connections and relationships in the SW universe than just him. Not only does it weaken her character if she had been made to be all about HIM, but it also just makes a certain… choice… 👀… with The Shopkeeper (her antagonist who parallels Palpatine, Anakin’s antagonist) hit all the more harder, because saving the ENTIRE GALAXY isn’t even about saving ANAKIN at all for her. Not at first, anyway.

Instead, from the very beginning, it’s all about how Melanie grows to care and feel compassion for the people she meets in the SW universe and becomes friends with, and how she cannot turn away from them and leave them behind to die, when she has knowledge that can help change their fates. It was SO important to me that Anakin is not even on Mel’s RADAR at first. She doesn’t hate him or anything. She doesn’t want him dead, but it’s not really about SAVING him either (if that happens along the way, it’s a happy bonus for her). Because—as you know—she’s TERRIFIED of him in the beginning, and just plans to avoid him like the plague.

And in doing so, she grows closer to others in the SW universe: Ahsoka, Rex, Yoda, Fives, Obi-Wan, all of the other clones, etc. ALL of that is so important for a certain choice she makes with The Shopkeeper (which I won’t spoil for any new readers who may stumble across this post and want to read my work 👀😂).

So, essentially, my fic is a grand, epic tale, that our main protagonist, Melanie Bains, is going on to save millions of lives in a galaxy far, far away from death and suffering.

No pressure, huh? 😂😬

That’s definitely going to crack and fracture at Mel’s psyche as time goes on… 🥶 The weight of such a feat on one’s shoulders essentially all alone becomes overwhelming. 😓💔 (*Cough* Hint for next chapter? 👀 *cough*).

So I’m really trying to follow that ‘Hero’s journey’ format. I already have her character arc outlined with a clear beginning and end. I just have to find the will to write the thousands and thousands of words to get there to that point. 😩😭😂

It still makes me so happy how many people relate and enjoy Mel. 😌🥹❤️💓🥰

Some planned themes I am going to weave in as the story goes along:

Example 1: Genocide

Air Nomad genocide propaganda from ATLA:

Jedi Order genocide propaganda (Not sure if it’s from before or after Order 66. Either way, it’s meant to rile the populace up against them and demonize the Jedi as ‘other’, like emotionless wizards that are barely human and aren’t capable of true compassion since they’re a ‘cult’ and not from ‘true’ familial structures, unlike the ‘good ol’ regular populace with their attachments 🤪’) from SW:

Example 2: Church factions splitting up/The Great Schism of 1054

Example 3: Hero’s Journey (Mel’s character arc)

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… Now, moving past that long meta ramble, here’s some more songs from my playlist on Wattpad for Melakin’s developing romantic relationship and it’s slow, slow burnnnn. 👀💓❤️‍🔥😂

Borderline by Florrie

Let Me In by Michael Corcoran

The Chain by Ingrid Michaelson

Minefields by Faouzia & John Legend

Unlike the previous songs in the earlier part of this meta post, THESE songs are more about Melakin struggling to open up to each other. I’ll admit, a lot of it is more focused on Anakin trying to get Melanie to open up to him, because he doesn’t understand why she’s acting so terrified of him at first.

The one song that’s more about both of them trying to find common ground is “Borderline”, which is meant to be them both reaching out and trying to meet each other halfway. 😊🥰🥺❤️💕

And if you’re wondering what my favorite song is out of all of them?

It’s the “Innocence by Nathan Wagner” song. WITHOUT a doubt. It’s the PERFECT Melakin song that is basically what the whole arc of their relationship is supposed to be. 😭🥹❤️💔💕

Whew, that was a long post! So sorry about that. 😅😂🤷‍♀️ I just got really into talking about my fic and my writing process. I think this has even helped me with motivation! Losing hyperfixations is a bitchhhh. 😖😖

The only other thing I will add is this to hopefully ease your and everyone else’s minds: I may have to go on hiatuses every now and then because of writer’s block or a family/life problem like the recent one with my brother being in the hospital for a while. BUT! No matter WHAT, I will NEVER abandon this fic. It is literally gonna be my damn life’s work—I swearrrrr. 😖✊😂

To end this long SW meta off, I’m going to link another two great Pro Jedi SW meta posts from the wonderful Pro Jedi blog I mentioned earlier. Feel free to check it out if you want, because it’s a lot of Mel’s thoughts on the Jedi, and part of the problems she has to find a way to solve as the war goes on by trying to keep the Jedi in favor of the public’s eyes:

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To any new readers that stumble across this and are curious enough to check out my fic:

Tags:

@ensomniaa

@heartfairy

@fangirlteallie

@xreadersunite

@shoniwake

[ladykailitha]

Little Runaway Part 6

Oh my god!! You guys are fantastic everyone!! I just wanted remind people that I have little practical experience with the show outside of meta and fanfics and gifs. As fully explained here. But I love everyone’s response to this story. It’s one of the earliest stories I wrote before I got further involved in fandom. So if you want to DM if you think something is off that’s fine, I’d love to chat! Also I have hit the tag limit, so if you want to see more, follow away!

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5

Steve was in Eddie’s room reading the book he borrowed when there was a knock on the door of the trailer. He frowned. He wasn’t sure he was supposed to open the door when Eddie or Wayne weren’t home.

“Steve Harrington if you don’t open this door I swear to god I will let out the air on your tires!” Max yelled.

Steve went rushing to the door and threw it open. “Jesus Christ! Don’t yell my name.”

He dragged her inside and pushed her the direction of the couch.

“You want to tell me what the fuck is going on?” Max asked, sitting down. “You go missing for two weeks and come to find out you’ve been hiding out here. Everyone is worried about you!”

Steve sighed and put his hands on his hips. “Came out to my dad as liking boys, he beat the shit out of me and if he finds me, he’ll probably kill me. And I don’t mean in the nice parent way either.”

Max nodded. She knew better than almost anyone else what that was like. “So why here?”

“You think my dad would think to look here?” Steve scoffed.

She cocked her head. “Yeah, all right.”

“You really can’t tell anyone I’m here,” Steve pleaded. “Not even Will or Mike or any of them. It’s bad enough Dustin knows.”

She frowned. “Why not?”

“Because my dad isn’t above beating up children to get them to tell him what he wants to hear.”

Max took that in for a moment. “Okay. Fine.”

Steve’s eyebrows went up. “Fine?”

“Yeah,” she said. “Fine. I get it. You know I do. Wait, is that why Dustin stopped by in the middle of the night last week? Was that about you?” Steve nodded. She pursed her lips. “Okay, but you may want to move your car.”

“Shit,” he cursed. “Yeah. If you found it, my dad might, too.” He ran his fingers over his face. And then he got an idea.

“I know that face,” Max said. “That’s your ‘I have a dumb plan’ face.”

He looked over at her sidelong. “You could move it for me.”

She thought about it for a moment. “You’d trust me with your car?”

“You’re a better driver than most people with licenses,” Steve told her. “I learned that first hand.”

“Yeah, okay.”

Just then Eddie came home and stopped short, looking at the unruly teenager on his sofa.

“Red,” he greeted coldly.

“She’s cool,” Steve told him.

“You two know each other?” Eddie asked, raising an eyebrow.

“She saved my life once,” Steve said, crossing his arms.

“Hell yeah, I did,” Max replied with a grin.

“She is also the only one of the nuggets that knows to keep her mouth shut,” Steve said.

Her grin got bigger.

“Hey, Steve,” Eddie said, “your dad showed up to the session today.”

And suddenly all the light teasing joy between Max and Steve exited the trailer is a roaring gush.

“Holy fuck!” Steve said. “Is everyone okay? No one got hurt, did they?”

“Everyone’s fine,” Eddie said with a reassuring smile. “I sent him packing with his tail between his legs.”

Steve’s eyes went wide and a happy, almost delirious smile spread across his face. “You did?”

Eddie shrugged, shoving his thumbs into his back pockets. “I gave him a Munson tirade special. He left in a hurry after that.”

“Huh.” Steve bit back the next words that would have tumbled from his lips if Max hadn’t been there. I could kiss you! He blushed and scratched his cheek in embarrassment.

“I should get going,” Max said. “Take care of yourself, Steve. Or at least let someone else do it for if you can’t.” She patted him on the shoulder as she passed.

Steve stopped her at the door. “Hey, take care of it for me.” And tossed her his car keys. She caught them and then saluted. With a smile on her face she walked out the trailer, a skip in her step.

“She saved your life?” Eddie asked, deeply concerned.

“I got a really bad concussion, like out for a long time bad,” Steve said. “She was the one that was able to drive me to get help.” He gulped and looked down at his feet. “I think she learned because of her mom.”

Eddie closed his eyes and opened them slowly. “Yeah, yeah. I can see that.”  

He took a deep breath and let it out. “Another unfortunate side effect of tonight: everyone at Hellfire knows your dad beat you and not just two weeks ago.”

Steve dropped his between shoulders and let out a shuddering breath. He hadn’t wanted anyone to know that. And now everyone did. “I don’t want their pity.” The words came out as a hiss.

Eddie came up to him and put his hands on Steve’s biceps, rubbing his arms up and down. “I’m afraid it was Dustin that let that out of the bag. He was just so terrified that he might have been the cause of your dad beating you that I said that it wasn’t his fault, that your dad was a grade bastard and had been for a while.”

Steve pinched his nose and nodded. “It not your fault or his. If it goes to trial what he did to me, everyone was going to find out anyway.”

Eddie nodded.

“I think I would die if anyone started being nice to me because they knew what he did to me,” Steve whispered. “I don’t want to be treated differently because I abused.”

“What’s wrong with a little sympathy?” Eddie asked.

“I acted the way I did, not because my dad is an asshole, but because I was.”

Eddie sighed. “Look, I’m going to say this only once and if you tell anyone else, I will tell everyone that you drool when you sleep, do you hear me?”

Steve nodded again.

“Right, you were never a bully, Steve,” Eddie continued.

“But I–” Steve said.

“No, Steve,” Eddie said. “You were a kid trying to fit in with the wrong crowd. You never pushed anyone down, you never called people names in the hallway. Did you stand aside and let Tommy do that shit? Sure. But, dude. That was never you.”

“How-how do you know?”

“Because fundamentals don’t change, Steve,” Eddie said earnestly. “If a good person does bad things it eats them up inside. They will try to fix it if they can, but often times they feel like nothing they could do would be enough. But bad people? They don’t give a shit who they hurt. Because seeing someone else get hurt, that makes them feel good.” He leaned down so he could see Steve’s face. “Which one are you?”

Steve looked up into those beautiful brown eyes and took a deep breath that rattled in his chest. “I’m a good person?”

“Hell yeah, you are,” Eddie said, straightening up. He pulled him in for a hug and held him close. And if he felt his shirt getting wet, he certainly wasn’t going to tell.

*

On Monday he ran into Robin Buckley who looked like she was going to murder someone, most likely him.

“Oi!” she said calling him over. “I’ve got a bone to pick with you!”

Eddie’s eyes widened and he tried to back away but she was faster.

“Hey!” she said grabbing him. “What the hell? I was told you know where Steve is and you will tell me what I need to know.”

“Jesus H Christ!” he hissed and tugged her toward the van and threw her in the back. He got in behind her and slammed the door. “Are you trying to get Steve killed?”

“What?” she asked, blinking at him rapidly.

“Steve’s dad is trying to find him and here you are yelling out on the street that I know where he is?” Eddie snarled. “Fucking hell.”

She got quiet. “I thought that was just a rumor. There’s also a rumor that you kidnapped him and are holding him for ransom.”

Eddie threw his arms in the air. “Why the fuck is it always me?”

“Sorry,” she whispered.

“All right who told?” Eddie snarled. “Because if there is going to be a murder in this town it’s going to be me against whoever told that I knew where Steve is.”

“I don’t know, but pretty much the whole town knows now,” Robin murmured.

“Shit I don’t know where to go,” Eddie said, feeling his panic rising. “I need you to get to Dustin. Let him know that Steve’s dad knows about me and to warn Steve.” He pressed his hand to mouth, trying to fight down the bile that coated his throat.

His eyes caught a bag of weed and he got an idea. He licked his lips. “If you see my uncle Wayne, tell him I’m sorry.” He opened the door and pushed her out.

Before she could protest he slammed the door and hopped into the driver’s seat.

Fuck.

Part 7 Epilogue

Tag List: @tauntedperfume @marivictal @eddiemunsonswife @namelessssho @dbquills @goodolefashionedloverboi @steve-the-hairrington @sadcanadianwinter @yearningagain @books-are-my-life-since-1996 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @homohomohoe @knightofthieves @flusteredcas @moonage-daydreaming @goblin-eddie @marvelousforlife @silversnaffles @satan-is-obsessed @yikes-a-bee

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[bluethepineapple]

Harry and Hermione: Balancing Acts, Effort, and Compromise

One of my favorite aspects of Harry and Hermione's dynamic is the way it is marked by conflict. @ashesandhackles' meta over here expands on the way Harry's relationship with conflict evolve over time. For my own piece however, I wish to focus on the nature of Harry and Hermione's conflict, especially, and the way they add nuance and complexity of their relationship.

Given that the height of their tension appears in Order of the Phoenix, I will focus my exploration on their dynamic in this book.

Hermione has Harry's number. She gets how he thinks, how he feels, and knows full well how he will react in any situation they come across. We see this in how she greeted him when they first meet in OotP.

"HARRY! Ron, he’s here, Harry’s here! We didn’t hear you arrive! Oh, how are you? Are you all right? Have you been furious with us? I bet you have, I know our letters were useless — but we couldn’t tell you anything, Dumbledore made us swear we wouldn’t, oh, we’ve got so much to tell you, and you’ve got to tell us..."

She knows full well that the silence will bother him. She understands that he would feel angry at the isolation and opens up their conversation with an apology and explanation.

This is an ongoing theme in OotP. The problem with Hermione is that as much as she understands how Harry's head is going, her position in whatever argument they are having is often diametrically opposite to his. And she doesn't know how to get him to see her side of the bargain.

Harry is itching to join the Order and fight, but Hermione understands (and agrees) with the need to keep them out of the loop. Harry doesn't feel qualified to teach DADA, but Hermione believes he can succeed. Harry doesn't want to share his experiences in the graveyard with anyone, feeling that what he had given should have been enough, but Hermione understands the curiosity and skepticism of everyone else and so pushes him to share anyway.

In OotP, Hermione is dealing with two separate and often conflicting agendas when it comes Harry. There is the war effort (eg. Umbridge, the DA, counter-propaganda) in which she recognizes Harry to be an extremely valuable resources, and there is Harry himself, her friend who is hurting deeply.

OotP is a balancing act for Hermione, and the problem in their relationship is that there is actually no way to balance both. Giving Harry the time and space he needs requires that she put her plans on hold. Her plans mean pretty much forcing Harry to do extremely painful things he would rather not do.

And so, failing to strike a balance that works, we see Hermione choose the war over Harry's well-being. It's not an easy choice though, and we see her try to be Harry's friend even if that friendship jeopardizes her painstaking plans.

We see this best in the Hog's Head. This chapter opens with Hermione's repeated assurance to Harry that these people just want to hear Harry's side.

We can therefore infer that her pitch to them was that they come to Hog's Head and Harry will tell them what they need to know.

"I’ve told you, they just want to hear what you’ve got to say,” said Hermione soothingly; but Harry continued to look at her so furiously that she added quickly, “You don’t have to do anything yet, I’ll speak to them first."

But the moment the meeting shifts, and these newcomers demand the story that was promised to them, Hermione backpedals hard.

"Zacharias Smith,” said the boy, “and I think we’ve got the right to know exactly what makes him say You-Know-Who’s back." “Look,” said Hermione, intervening swiftly, “that’s really not what this meeting was supposed to be about —"

She sees Harry's discomfort, and despite the success of the meeting hinging on his story, she tries to divert the attention away from him anyway. She's protecting him at the expense of her meeting.

But an interesting thing happens - stubborn Harry Potter CONCEDES.

“It’s okay, Hermione,” said Harry. It had just dawned upon him why there were so many people there. He felt that Hermione should have seen this coming. Some of these people — maybe even most of them — had turned up in the hope of hearing Harry’s story firsthand. “What makes me say You-Know-Who’s back?” he asked, looking Zacharias straight in the face. “I saw him. But Dumbledore told the whole school what happened last year, and if you didn’t believe him, you don’t believe me, and I’m not wasting an afternoon trying to convince anyone.”

He tells her it's okay and then proceeds to give up his stubborn reticence to support her. He compromises and tells them a version of the story he feels comfortable sharing with these strangers.

While understanding doesn't come easily to both of them, there is clear and concentrated effort from both parties to try. They listen to what the other person has to say. They freely voice their counter-arguments. They figure out compromises and accommodations that they can both live with.

We see this best even in what is arguably one of the biggest and most important fight between them: Sirius's rescue in OotP.

The interesting part here is that Hermione's approach is actually all wrong (at least at first). Her comment on his saving-people-thing has him becoming defensive. And upon seeing this, Hermione CHANGES track.

"I’m trying to say — Voldemort knows you, Harry! He took Ginny down into the Chamber of Secrets to lure you there, it’s the kind of thing he does, he knows you’re the — the sort of person who’d go to Sirius’s aid! What if he’s just trying to get you into the Department of Myst —"

She elaborates on her points, explains what she means in ways that not only Harry can understand, but also makes him feel less judged and attacked.

And it works - Harry understands. More importantly he LISTENS.

"But if this is a trick of V-Voldemort’s — Harry, we’ve got to check, we’ve got to —” “How?” Harry demanded. “How’re we going to check?"

Considering Harry's mindset here, it's actually quite impressive that Hermione managed to change his mind as much as she did. We can see here that he is in complete panic. He dismissed Ron and Ginny's protests outright. He is losing his head and wants to go charging ahead, Voldemort be damned.

But he listens to Hermione. He pays attention to what she has to say, and he does adjust his course of action according to her advice no matter how begrudgingly.

All of this is to say that Harry and Hermione's relationship is defined by compromise above all. It is a constant negotiation between the two of them, and this pattern persists all the way through HBP and DH.

Hermione insists that something dodgy is going on with the Potions book, so Harry let's her check it. Harry wants to stay in Grimmauld Place in DH, so Hermione goes with him. They both decide to go to Godric's Hollow, and while Hermione wants to focus on finding mission-relevant information, she looks for the Potter's graves too. Because that mattered to Harry.

What makes Harry and Hermione's relationship so compelling is how hard they try for each other. Their relationship only survives through a lot of effort on both sides. There is nothing instinctive or easy about the way communicate with each other. But they also love and respect each other enough that they willingly put in all the effort necessary to make it work between them.

From OotP onwards, Harry and Hermione stand as equals. They fight together, support each other, and it is only when they work together that they manage to see their missions through.

[msfcatlover]

@alycat76: What’s the platonic a/b/o one about?

Okay, this is immediately going under a readmore, because I know plenty of people hate the very concept of A/B/O, and I don’t want to make them uncomfortable.

.

SO! I have recently discovered that purely platonic A/B/O stories are actually something I kinda love. It’s about what it does to the setting, and the inter-character dynamics, and the incredibly intense hurt-comfort sickfics you can get out of it, and also I’m a sucker for empathetic bonds in fiction (people really don’t do enough with them.)

But there were some tropes that got repeated over & over again, while others I’d be interested in seeing just… never came up at all? And in the process of me spitballing what those fics would look like, I accidentally tripped and made a whole cohesive AU. Oops.

(Also, I saw like one person say, “What if betas could cancel out other smells as well as control their own,” in an ask somewhere, and proceeded to come up with a whole… thing that lets betas get in on all the sickfic & presentation fun that comes with this AU. It may or may not take up a full page of my notes. If anyone wants the specifics, just ask and I’ll post them.)

Anyway, the main pillars that this AU is built on are:

1. There are several fics where baby!Jay finds Robin in heat, knows full well how incredibly dangerous that is, and risks his own skin to hide Robin until either the heat passes or (most often) until Batman shows up. I love all of these. You know what I haven’t seen even once? Baby!Jason saving Dick Grayson in basically that same situation.

2. There are not enough fics where Bruce is a beta who uses his scent-control abilities to further separate his identities! *shoves my “Batman is just as much a public performance as Brucie Wayne” agenda into the very meta of this AU*

3. I am very fond of the “Jason’s big comeback plan goes completely off the rails” trope, especially when it comes in the form of needing to save a member of his family. I’ve seen a couple A/B/O fics with this premise with Tim. I have not seen any with Dick.

(Oh look, mirroring!)

4. It is here I realized why rut/heat-sickfics immediately became my drug of choice, and hey, if I’m gonna be projecting I might as well go all the way with it. *hands Dick a small mountain of medical complications on top of everything else*

5. My love of deceptive appearances (and the fact I have only found one (1) alpha!RH!Jason fic where I actually liked his part of it) means I am always going to default to omega!Jason.

6. So have you considered: Pack Alpha (by default) Tim? Oh, Bruce is still the Head of the pack, Tim doesn’t get to be automatically in charge or anything. But being the Pack Alpha comes with a whole host of extra instincts, which is only complicated further by the fact that as far as the rest of Gotham is concerned, when Tim first took on that role he wasn’t connected to the Wayne pack at all.

7. Hey, what do you think this particular arrangement does to Damian’s relationships with the family? Especially if we assume that, say, Talia refused to tell Damian their designations because it would be incredibly foolish to get a bunch of preconceived notions about the Bats just because of their secondary genders.

Things spiraled from there. I have, like, 10 drafts of both of those “Jason rescues Dick” fics, a whole bunch of fallout from Dick finding out Jason’s the Red Hood (some humorous, some not very much not,) Damian having a real rough time of it at the manor…

Here are my favorite story beats.

.

Dick actually initially rescued himself from the kidnappers, but then he was barefoot in Crime Alley with a chemical heat coming on fast while they looked for him. Dick yanks Jason down into his hiding space behind a dumpster before the kidnappers see Jason. Once the kidnappers leave, Jason offers to let Dick hide with him until the heat passes. Jason’s squat even has running water, even though it’s cloudy & cold.

Jason at some point says something about wishing he could make the nest better for Dick (who is obviously used to nicer things, but trying to make the best out of it,) which is when Dick remembers the emergency cash sewn into his clothes (Bruce is paranoid enough and you know it,) and gives it to Jason to go get whatever he thinks would be best.

While Jason is at the store, he sees the news about Dick Grayson being missing, an obviously distraught Bruce Wayne pleading for anyone to call with information. Jason remembers how Dick kept saying that his dad would be so worried. Jason remembers what it was like to sit up at night, wondering when or if his mom was coming home. Jason takes a few coins of his change to a pay phone to call the number, just to reassure Bruce that Dick’s safe.

Jason definitely panics when Batman kicks the door in that night, because as far as Jason’s concerned a very large, angry alpha just barged in on the omega Jason was trying to help (Dick even used the stupid Batman print towel Jason bought for him as the base of the nest, how is this fair?) Bruce sees a frightened, packless child ready to throw hands with the fucking Batman in order to keep Dick safe. Dick refuses to leave without Jason, because Dick’s already adopted him.

-

All of Gotham knows Jason was more Dick’s puppy than Bruce’s. Bruce is still the one who legally adopts Jason, since Dick is like, 16 at this point (Jason’s 10-11).

There’s a lot of whispering about why Dick completely disappeared from the public eye after Jason died. Dick so obviously adored the kid, and the few pictures people do get look so miserable, that most Gothamites get aggressively offended on Dick’s behalf if you try to suggest he had anything to do with it. He’s not even 20 and he’s grieving. Cut the boy some slack.

-

At some point after Tim becomes Robin, Dick needs to make a scene so he has an excuse to leave a party. After a quick check in to make sure Tim’s okay with it, a very drunk Richard Grayson proceeded to get on Janet Drake’s case about not appreciating the wonderful puppy she had waiting for her at home.

After helping him out of the room, Alfred came back to apologize for Master Grayson. “You’ll have to forgive him. It’s almost Jason’s birthday.”

In the greatest social blunder Janet ever made in her life (partially distracted by the wine stain on her new silver dress) she snapped out, “He’s still upset about that?”

(Fortunately for her, the room was loud enough that her voice didn’t carry far. But every conversation in a 20ft radius stopped dead. She did realize immediately and start to apologize, that came out wrong, oh god, she didn’t mean it like that!)

(Tim suggests Dick not antagonize Tim’s parents in the future after all.)

-

This is actually the verse that first made me realize I wanted Tim to ask Steph to be Robin in his place, because in this verse they’re not just losing Robin, they’re losing their Pack Alpha with nobody to replace him. That is so much compounding trauma just from one member leaving the pack, but if Steph takes Tim’s place as Pack Alpha before Tim’s dad makes Tim cut himself out of the pack…

-

(Cass & Alfred are both betas, for the record.)

-

Dick has a bad reaction to the inducers the second time Jason has to save him. By the time Jason hauls Dick back to the nearest safehouse, Dick’s such an emotional mess that the only way Jason could ever calm Dick down is for Jason to reveal his identity and repair their pack bond.

Dick knows it’s Jason, because you can’t lie through the bond.

(Tim shows up at some point in the night, and refuses to leave.  “He said no alphas,” Jason snarls.  “I wouldn’t be much of one if I left him alone like this with a stranger,” Tim snaps back.) (Dick drags Tim into the nest too as soon as he realizes Tim is there.)

-

Neither Dick nor Tim tell Bruce about Jason, because Jason made it clear he didn’t want Bruce to know. They do both proceed to hound Jason, trying to coax him back into the pack. Bruce is very uncomfortable with both of his sons being so determined to apparently befriend their newest rogue.

(I just have this delightful mental image of Nightwing dropping in on one of Red Hood’s meetings, saying he’s not there for trouble, framing it as an “I owe you for saving my skin” sort of thing. Before he leaves, Nightwing flashes his brightest smile at Hood. “By the way, Robin thinks you’re cool.”

Half of Jason’s goons die laughing as soon as they get over the shock.)

-

Damian picks a fight with Tim because (despite Talia’s best efforts,) Damian did pick up several assumptions about the different designations. Tim was the next-newest, so Damian could cement his place in the pack by beating the lowest alpha, surely.

Damian realized his mistake as soon as Bruce arrived. The pack Head is a beta. The Second is an omega. Which means Damian just picked a fight with the Wayne Pack Alpha.

And—since Tim is still breathing, speaking, and glaring daggers at Damian—Damian lost.

(Tim meets Damian’s gaze for 10 agonizing seconds before turning away with a lift of his chin; dismissive, just like Ra’s would do. Damian’s just like, “I am so dead.”)

-

(I have a bunch of other stuff that’s pretty much Hurt No Comfort of Dick dealing with his medical problems & also how this particular set up would probably affect his various assaults, and how the trauma from those would then compound back into those medical problems. It’s… it’s not good. It’s not fun. I don’t think anyone wants to hear about that.)

(It does give Jason the chance to hunt down Catalina Flores, and gave me the chance to type the line, “I don’t think you understand. I’m not his friend. I’m not his boyfriend. I’m not even a hero. I’m his son.”)

[drconstellation]

A Dash of Nutmeg

I'm in the middle of preparing my next meta, and while mulling over a problem a had a wtf! moment. More like a "lead balloon" moment, really, where you realize you're looking at one of those glaring anachronisms that the Good Omens AU has plenty of but never makes a big deal of.

Nutmeg. And lemongrass. You know, they get mentioned together in this little passage in the book:

"Come off it. Your lot get ineffable mercy," said Crowley sourly. "Yes? Did you ever visit Gomorrah?" "Sure," said the demon. "There was this great little tavern where you could get these terrific fermented date-palm cocktails with nutmeg and crushed lemongrass-" "I meant afterwards." "Oh."

Nutmeg then turns up in the S2 as part of Aziraphale's magic sleight of hand performance.

The reason it jumped out to me is that nutmeg has played a significant role in the history of the world - it was the center of deal between two countries that you could say became a "sliding door" moment about 500 years ago. And because of that, I knew its origin put it at unlikely odds of being in the right place at the right time in the GO story (but when has that ever stopped anything getting in the way of the story!)

Although we don't know if Sodom and Gomorrah were actually real cities, we know they are supposed to predate the Roman Empire, and that is what matters here. And the matter I'm trying to get to is that the natural origins of nutmeg are from small cluster of islands in the Indonesian archipelago that were a closely guarded secret for centuries. The first nutmeg reached Rome in the first century AD, long after Sodom and Gomorrah would have been razed to oblivion by Sandalphon's smiting efforts. And there was never very much of it. It was always in short supply, and considered precious.

Oh, and its a well known hallucinogenic, if you consume too much of it. Even just a generous amount sprinkled on your Christmas pud can give you a lovely relaxed, floaty feeling...mmmm, or was Aunty Jill a bit heavy-handed with the brandy, I'm not sure...

Lemongrass is also of south-east Asian origin. It likes a hot, damp environment to grow well. I'm not sure that's the kind of place Sodom or Gomorrah was!

So for Crowley to describe a cocktail, of all things, with two exotic, rare ingredients from thousands of miles away in a "time" when the trade routes hadn't quite spread that far...

ugh. My head hurts just thinking about this one.

Did I mention I found a thing that many cultures believed nutmeg could protect you against evil? Right, right...whatever. Go for it, Crowley. You've obviously been into the mind-altering chemicals for millennia anyway.

[chocolatepot]

Re: my point in that other meta post about assuming that scenarios people write fic about = their expectations for canon -

@pearwaldorf's tags: #fans' sense of story is not always the creator's sense of story#the narratively interesting as opposed to the desire to resolve a fan's most pressing issue

@bizarrelittlemew's tags: #oh yes and the last point is especially important tbh#even when i write canonverse fics it doesn't mean that's what i think should happen in canon#or what i think did happen (in case of missing scene fics)#it's just playing in the canon sandcastle within the bigger sandbox where i usually build my own castles#it annoys me to no end when people assume non-existent intent on the author's behalf

This is something I started thinking about at some point during Prisons of Our Own Perceptions or maybe something else angsty. Because, for one thing, canon just doesn't have that kind of angst! I don't/didn't expect the canon to get very explicitly dark in the way of angsty fic - compare how things go down with Ned Low to what happens in whump fics where another pirate comes in, tortures people, and causes trouble.

I interrogate my characterization/dialogue A LOT, so I'm always asking myself, "Can I hear Rhys saying that as Stede? Would Ed throw another 'fucking' in there?" And this step gets difficult when writing a non-canonical level of whump, because I'm trying to figure out what they'd say in a situation that would never happen on the show.

Some people do write their version of what might happen in the next season of canon, or something like that. But I think most of us are writing what seems fun to write for various reasons, and "actually feels like a plausible episode/chapter of canon" doesn't really come into it. Even fic that's more plausibly canon, there's often a wayyyy bigger emphasis on comfort or explicitly exploring trauma than you'd ever see on a show (which is half the reason we're writing it). Often, I think, this kind of departure from canon gets treated as a fundamentally different category from darker fic because the idea is "this is what canon would do if it slowed down and gave them breathing space," but ultimately they're the same - the writer is creating a scenario that pleases them that wouldn't be how canon would do it.

I've written multiple reunion fics, and none of them were what I thought canon was actually going to do - they weren't attempts at prediction. Momentum was about getting them into position for Feriowind's artwork. Sweet Damsel was likewise based on a particular image, but one I had in my head. would the sun for thee more coldly shine was for a vague prompt about injuries, and I liked the idea of Ed finding Stede while Stede was hurt, to put his concern up against whatever negative feelings he might have about Stede leaving, because I thought that would be an interesting story. Likewise, I seemed not one for such man's love was about Ed holding onto his negative feelings but also getting sick and being tended by Stede (closest thing to a true prediction, but I certainly didn't think it would be). And First Night Home imagined a way less fraught reunion than canon got, for once, because it was for a domestic fluff fic fest.

In all of these, the way the reunion went was to serve the point of the plot and relationship dynamic rather than to guess at what might actually happen. The same thing is true of other types of fics, really. The story comes first.

[madds-is-ace-trash]

Oh guys guess what this chapters got music!

OK so um the music isn't for like the whole chapter but a part where Gotham sings are little baby a lullaby so ill link it in its section. Also i’m going to try to get it on to ao3 tonight now that my laptops working but well see. 

(part 1) (Part 2) (part 3) ( part 4: guess what ya here baby)

We are on ao3 need now! https://archiveofourown.org/works/43353157/chapters/108979318

Summary: Turn out the kid can read and he loves books. Duke gets to meet his new nephew. Danny gets a chance to fell at rest. And Bruce Thinks Dick got some one pregnant. 

Chapter 4: Of Stories and Songs

 When Damian went to go get a book from the library this is not what he expected to see. His eldest brother Dick was sitting at one of the tables in the center of the room. The table was covered with books of all different sizes, seemingly all about space? He scans the room when his eyes settle back on his brother and then the small child in his lap. The boy, no older than 5, had an encyclopedia of constellations open on the table. He was pointing at the constellations reading out their names and turning to dick excitedly telling him all about the chains of stars. 

 “I don't remember asking for more siblings?”  of course another black hair and blue eyes child ended up at the manor. Bruce did seem to have a type. 

 “Don’t worry baby bat, not a new brother, not on my watch!” Not on his watch? What in the world did Richard mean by that?

 “I claim him, he’s mine, look at him he's a little genius, this kid knows like every constellation known to man,” he ruffled the kid's hair, the child blushing at the praise.

 “I'm not smart, I just like space, '' Danny said quietly, staring at the floor.

 “Danny! You're reading an encyclopedia all by yourself. That's insane you're like what 6? Your super-smart little dude, a super- Star you could say.”  Dick and his insufferable puns, Damian didn't have time for this. He stomped walked over to the section he needed and began to search for a book. 

 He did not flinch when the small boy suddenly appeared next to him. He was heavily trained, he was just distracted looking for his book,he did not get snuck up on by a six-year-old. “ What do you want” domain hissed wasn't dick supposed to be watching this kid. 

 “What ya looking for?” The kid coked his head like a confused puppy.

 “ A book for my book report, why else would I be in a library,” his tone was harsh. He hoped the kid would get the hint and scram.

 “What's it called,” he stepped closer looking at the books in front of where Damian was standing. 

 “Well if you must know” he huffed,” it's called ‘Bud not Buddy’” like this kid was going to know where a book was in his family library seriously what was the kid thinking. 

 “You mean that one?,”Danny said pointing to a light tan novel on the top shelf . “I can get it”

 “I do that myself tha-'' Damian cut himself short as the kid FLOATED up to grab the book. 

 “I gots it,” the boy chirps, holding the book with a smile stretching across his face.

 Not a second later Dick comes running around the corner, “ He Dami have you seen Danny i was putting the books away and– DANNY!” 

 The boy was startled by the sudden shout and dropped the book, Damian caching it with no trouble at all, then the boy poofed from sight. 

 “Richard what is the meaning of this,” Damian stared at his brother demanding answers.

 “Umm right ok so the kids, a meta, didn't know he could float but the invisibility is not new” Dick walked closer to where Damian was standing. “ Hey Danny, sorry I yelled I thought you were falling or hurt, I didn't mean to scare you.”

 And just like that they popped back within the blink of an eye still just floating in the air. It was different then the Kryptonians, different then Jon, it was like gravity just didn't apply to him. “ So he floats great, is there anything else I should know?” Damian said arms crossed, just what he needed. 

 “ No i got him Dami thanks though,” Dick smiled at him grabbing the boy gently out of the air as if he was going to float away into space.

 “I wasn't asking if you needed help i want answe–,”

 “ Don't you gata book report? ,” Dick was deflecting, whatever, trouble his brother was getting himself into wasn't his business. Dick was right that Damian didn't have time to mess around. 

 Damian stormed off leaving the library, could this day get any weirder. 

 —----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Danny looked at dick with a sad expression, if the kid had been light before he weighed nothing now, his ability to float was a new development, tack it onto the power list he supposed. “ Don't worry about him Danny, he's just prickly around the edges.”

 “Like a hedgehog,” the boy said in all seriousness that made dick snort.

 “Yes exactly like a hedgehog” the kid seemed to lean his weight on dick no longer feeling like he was going to drift off into space. 

 “ So Danny, you like stars and space, but what other stuff do you like?” the boy put a thoughtful expression on his face. 

 Then he finally answered, “ I like to read”

 “ Yeah buddy I figured that,” dick giggled, “ what type of stuff do you like to read?” 

 “ Do you have stories about knights!” the boy asked excitedly, bouncing in dicks arms. 

 “Oh you bet! Come on, let's go, the round table isn't going to fill itself.” Danny giggled, his laugh soft and light like a bell.

 —----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 When Alfred entered the library to deliver lunch, he had not expected to see Dick,Cass and Danny sitting in a blanket tent. Cass and Dick in pillow armor as they fought each other with sticks. Danny sitting in the tent reading a book out loud and laughing as Dick and Cass would act out the scene that was just read in dramatic fashion. 

 A warm smile stretched across the old man's face, “ Ahem” the Al cleared his throat causing the group to turn towards the doorway. “Sorry to interrupt your little play but it's 2:40 and you really should eat something.” 

 “Oh yea Al thanks a lot,” Dick looks at the pillow shield in his hand, “thanks for bringing it up we um …got distracted.”

 “ It's quite alright master Dick, but i must remind you to pick up after you're done,” Al gave the mess a look over, it wasn't excessive but the older ones should set a good example for the young master. 

 “You got it Al,”

 “Yes Alfred”, Cass called out walking over to pick up a sandwich.

 “Yes sir!'' Danny shot up and closed the book he was reading, gently setting it on a table. 

“Thank you, please enjoy” the butler left, stealing one last glance as he saw Danny light up at the star shaped fruit. His smile widened, he had a feeling it might stick for a bit. 

 —----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 “And then we snuck in and got the bad guy!” her brother explained enthusiastically. The boy stared in awe at Dick and Cass. Somehow the day had evolved from reading books about knights, to acting them out, then to telling Danny child friendly versions of their escapades. 

 “They didn't even see you coming!? Did you turn invisible.” 

 “No, we're just that good,” she chimed in. 

 Cass didn't mind this, sitting in the library, telling stories to a kid who just seemed eager to be interacted with. Occasionally Danny would get a little too excited and start floating and they would have to ground him. They figured out they got the best results not actually pointing out the fact that he was floating but instead placing a hand on his shoulder or ruffling his hair. It seemed to remind the boy that gravity existed and he would slowly drift back down to earth. 

 “You should tell him about that time you and Duke busted that hostage case '' Cass prompted. That story was pretty tame and was easy enough to water down for a kid as young as Danny. 

 “Whos Duke?'' Danny asked, that's right they haven't exactly done a family role call yet for the kid.

 “Duke is our brother, and he's actually a meta like you,” Dick told the boy.

 “Like me!?”

 “Yeah but his powers are different from yours,” Danny seemed to lose a little bit of the concern on his face. That was weird, she's not sure if Dick noticed it, but the kid seemed worried about the idea of someone like him?

 “Yeah he's super cool!,” Dick went into story mode gesturing wildly with his hands, “ So me and Duke had to go this building filled with bad guys–” 

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Duke's head pounded his trip through the subway to get home was a mistake. He had pulled something in his arm nearing the end of his day patrol while disarming a drugged up bodybuilder trying to mug a group of teens. He didn't want to have to swing home on it, hence his tortues train ride. 

 He had already changed into civis so he just took the front way in. He was greeted by a weirdly giddy Alfred, the man had a wide smile stretching across his face. “ Why good evening, Master Duke, Your patrol went well I presume?” 

“Actually All i think i pulled my shoulder, could you look at it, but can we keep the light dim I took the subway home and my head is killing me,” the warm slime on his face did not falter instead he just gestured toward the direction of the upstairs med bay. “ But of course master Duke, right this way.” 

 Alfred walked in first dimming the lights the most he could before inviting dick into the room. It was smaller than the one in the cave; it was mostly used as a first aid station for when they were in civilian situations, or couldn't get down to the cave. Duke took off his shirt and let Al examine his shoulder. He deemed it to be fine but wrapped it to help keep the pressure off. 

 “ I must warn you Master Duke but we do have a guest currently staying at the manor,” Damian probably brought Jon over again.

 “Is it jon?”

 “No, it seems that Master Dick has taken in a ward,” Al said in a cheerful tone, “ He seems to be a meta as well, but he is rather young and quite skittish it seems.”

 “ No way!” Dick of all people, no wait actually he should have seen this coming.”What type of powers does he have?”

 “So far we know he can turn invisible, seems to have slightly above average strength, and he can float. So far it seems he has little control over them and that they are tied to his emotions.” 

 Leave it to brother bird to bring home a little meta kid of his own, Bruce was either going to be pissed or extremely proud. He hoped for the latter. “ Does B know?” 

 “No, not yet,” the butler said but he didn't seem worried, “ I'm afraid he's been quite busy, but I'm sure he’ll like the boy just fine.”

 “We’ll, where's my new nephew,” Duke hopped up and he couldn't wait to meet the little guy. It would be nice to have another meta in the family and on top of that Al said he was young so maybe he could be the cool uncle who helped the kid with his powers. Meta to meta.

 “Master Dick and Master Danny are in the library, I do believe that Miss Cass is still with them as well,” hu so Cass was already in on it, “ I must warn you he's a little shy and doesn't react well to loud noises or expressions of shock.”

 “Got it Al!,” He put his shirt back on and made his way up the steps to the library, screw his headache Dick brought home his very own baby bird! 

 “Please do tell them that dinner will be ready in half an hour,” He gave Al a thumbs up and off he went. 

 Duke lightly knocked on the door, if the kid seemed sensitive to loud sounds maybe it was part of his meta ability. 

 “Who is it?” a talk-whisper came from the other side of the door.

 “It's Duke,” he answered back just loud enough to be heard. Maybe he wasn't far off, “I heard I got a new nephew?”

 He could hear Cass giggle as she opened the door, gesturing for him to come in with a finger over mouth. Dick was in the middle of deconstructing what looked to be a blanket fort. A soft blue glow emanating from a point he couldn't see behind the table. He inched closer, using his stealth training to make as little noise as possible. When he got close enough to see over the table he had to squint his eye a little.

 A small boy with raven black hair, with freckles that seemed to glow like stars, and with clothes 2 sizes too big laid asleep. His soft blue glow formed a halo around his sleeping figure. And maybe just maybe as he had only seen it for a second, a small crown floating above his head. 

 He was a lot younger than Duke had expected, Danny was sleeping soundly with a book about comets wrapped in his arms. Duke looked at his brother, who stared at the boy with the same look Bruce gave them after a day's work. Full of love, but worry all at the same time. 

 Cute isn't he? Cass signed after tapping on Duke's shoulder to get his attention.

 Yhea, where did Dick find him? A sad expression stretched across his brother's face.

 ‘In an alley: Lots of blood’ Cass looked at the boy sleeping without a care in the world, ‘left by someone he called uncle CW in desperation, doesn't look good no body but’

 “Too much blood for any one to come back from” Dick spoke breaking the silence,” Where ever he came from let's just say it wasn't good.” Dick took a shaky breath in placing the last of the tent except Danny's pillow into the basket.  “ Kids covered in scars, he's so thin you can see his ribs and the worst of it,” dick leans against the table like it was a life line, “ He's got a huge Y shaped wound down his chest, like someone tried to vivisect him. Cherry on top is we have reason to believe that it may have been the boy's own parents.”

 Duke just stood there looking at Danny then back to his brother, his expression begging Dick to tell him it wasn't true. He couldn't even bring himself to look Duke in the eye. Cass places a hand on Duke's uninjured shoulder. “ Al siad dinner will be ready in 30,” he couldn't bring himself to say much else. 

 “Ok.”

 “Ok”

Dick scooped up the boy, the child laying snugly into dicks arms, they made their way to the dining room, a painful dreadful silence followed them all the way there. Al seemed to sense it, his smile faded.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Dick tried to wake up Danny but it seemed once again the boy had fallen into a sleep he couldn't quite shake. “ Hey buddy, aren't you hungry? Al made dinner, can you try to eat something?”  

 “ Don’t look so worried Master Dick, I assure you a child sleeping this much in his condition is quite normal. In fact I'd say it's probably best if we let the boy rest,” if Alfred was not worried then Danny was probably fine. But it still made Dicks chest ache. It was only 5:30 and yet the kid was out cold. 

 “Ok i guess i'll just take him to my room? What if he wakes up and panics?” dick said, rubbing the sleeping boys back.

 “He can read pretty well,” Duke chimed in, “ we can leave him a note?”

 “That could work,” Dick thinks back to the letter from this CW guy and how it had been addressed to Danny, which means he must have known the kid well enough to know he could read. 

 “Yes well i'll shall await your return ,” Alfred gave dick a reassuring smile, “ and Master Dick try not to freat to much it's best to let the boy sleep and recover.”

 “ Thanks Al,” dick gives a weak smile and Cass cheerfully follows dick up the stairs and towards his room. 

 He lays the boy down on the bed, the kid sinks into the pillow, he wiggles at the loss of warmth. Cass hands him a star patterned fleece blanket, “where did you get this?”

 ‘Aunties secret’ Cass smirks, making a lockling motion over her mouth.

 Dick rolls his eyes and tucks Danny in, making sure the boy is settled before grabbing a pen and paper from his desk and writing a note.

 Hey Danny,

 If you wake up and need us we are downstairs having dinner. Just open the door and call for us. We'll come and get you. :) 

 Hope you slept well,

Dick

 Dick set the note on the bedside table and ruffled Danny's hair, Cass graped his hand and guided him out of the room knowing he would linger. He softly shut the door and made their way down stairs. Just as they made it to the bottom Bruce walked through the front door. 

 This was going to be so much fun, dick ground to himself. 

 —----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Bright so bright

 A lite over head so strong it made his eyes sting

 He screamed 

 He begged 

 Pleaded for them to STOP his chest stung green and red covered their sleeves.

 They didnt stop, didn't hesitate, he wasn't their son any more, everyone he had ever loved was in that room. 

 Chained…traped and all he could do was scream

 Danny shot up tears streaming down his face, the small boy pulled the blanket into his face hoping to muffle the sound. What if they heard, he couldn't let them find him.

 He transformed the shift pulling at the stitching at his chest, the cool sensation soothing the pain. He looked around the room he was in. It was large, it had a desk, a wall with things Danny couldn't quite make out pinned to a tack board. The closet sat shut on the opposite side of the room by the door, another door sat off to the side, a bathroom he presumed. 

 The tears did not stop his core morning fuzzy memories of things he didn't quite understand. His entire being screaming at him to run so he did.

 Wrapping himself in the blanket he jumped through the window, falling a few feet before he floated up and steadied. His body heaved as he sobbed into the cold night. Jazz , tucker, sam, his core weeped, at the same time a part of him hissed Betrayal, mom, dad 

 A cold storm blew across the manor courtyard, clouds covering the dark sky. Danny hid against an old oak tree weeped, his cries aggressive as tears rolled out of his glowing green eyes. His fangs catching on his lips, His body cold even wrapped in the blanket. 

 With a gentle role of thunder, Gotham touched down her expression, sad but soft, as she gazed upon the glowing child that lay before her. She picks him up, pressing the sobbing child into her embrace. The boy continues to sob his body exhausted leaning against the women who had welcomed the boy with open arms. 

 “Its ok to cry,” she rubs the child with 2 fingers, her hands, gentle. She holds Danny in her arms like a baby. Danny is so small in her arms, it calms something in his core. It still cries, it still mourns but the overwhelming feeling of safety washes over him. She wraps the small boy in his blanket protecting him from the cold evening breeze.

 With a wave of her hand the wind slowed, a low grumble of thunder spread out across the sky, She smiled at Danny, a smile so warm that he was sure he had only ever received from jazz. Then she took a little breath, and rocked the small boy in her arms, her voice soft as it stretched out towards the city's  bay.

 (Link to song)

“Wandering child of the earth” a lullaby for the child in her arms.

 “Do you know just how much you're worth? 

You have walked this path since your birth,”she gently wipes the tears off the boys star speckled checks, “You were destined for more”

 “There are those who'll tell you you're wrong

They will try to to silence your song

But right here is where you belong

So don't search anymore” She gently walked back towards the manor, swaying gently. 

 “You are the dawn of a new day that's waking

A masterpiece still in the making

The blue in an ocean of gray” She looked longing off into the distance, her eyes full of hope for a future yet to be seen. 

 “You are right where you need to be

Poised to inspire and to succeed

You'll look back and you'll realize one day” She fazed through the wall of dicks room, looking around and giving the space and approving nod.

 “In your eyes there is doubt

As you try to figure it out

But that's not what life is about

So have faith there's a way” The child in her arms had drifted off to sleep, his crown floating lightly above his head. 

 “Though the world may try to define you

It can't take the light that's inside you

So don't you dare try to hide

Let your fears fade away” she set the boy back on the bed, tucking him gently. She knelt down, rubbing the boy's hair.

 “You are the dawn of a new day that's waking

A masterpiece still in the making

The blue in an ocean of gray

You are right where you need to be

Poised to inspire and to succeed

You'll look back and you'll realize one day”  

 “You are the dawn of a new day that's waking

A masterpiece still in the making

The blue in an ocean of gray

You are right where you need to be

Poised to inspire and to succeed

Soon you'll finally find your own way” 

 “Rest now, you are wanted here, let them guide your soul oh wayward child, may your heart rest upon the stars. You have gained my blessing, may my family become your own.” Just as fast as she had come, she faded an invisible hand wiping away the last of his tears. 

 The clouds subsided, his core was calm, he was safe, he belonged. 

—-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 Dick coming over to the manor wasn't unusual, he would often stop by to spend time with his family. No that wasn’t unusual , what was unusual was all of his children were being deathly quiet.

 Cass and Dick giving each other worried looks, Damian seemed more aggravated than normal,Tim stared mindlessly at his plate, and Duke was fiddling with something under the table. Not even Alfred had said much, which was strange. Normally the man would be prodding the family to start a conversation to break the tension but nothing not a word.

 “So Tim, you finished that project you were working on,” Bruce attempted to break the silence.

 “No but I'm close, should be done by tonight.” Tim rested his head on his hand playing with a pea with his fork

 “Hm, and you duke? Any trouble on patrol today?”

 “Nope all good, just mugging” Duke took a hefty bite of potatoes.

“Damian and you?” 

 His son responded, never looking up from his plate, “My day was fine father, just a book report that I needed to complete. It was no problem at all.” 

 Ok now he knew for sure something was off, he scans the table once more looking over all his children, stopping at his eldest. Dick had not looked at him once since he joined the table. Something was going on and he was going- “Bruce I know that face please,” his son interrupting his train of thought. 

 “Look I'm going to just rip the bandaid off because the tension in this room is so thick baby bat can slice through it,” Cass set a hand on Dicks shoulder. Whatever was going on, she was involved or at least knew about it. Judging by everyone's behavior he knew at least everyone , including Alfred, at least had an idea about what was going on. “ I um….. have… a kid now.”

 The utter look of shock on Bruce's face was one the family had only seen a few times, and without the partial protection of his cowl it was even worse. Who? How? Okay he knew how but how had he not known dick was in a series enough relationship to warrant the creation of a child. Dick hasn't dated anyone long term sense Barbra and it definitely wasn't Barbra he had just seen her she would have said something. 

 “Who?” Bruce finally managed to blurt out, “ I didn't know you were in a serious enough relationship to get someone pregnant?” He knew his kids would move on and start families of their own one day but like this? He hadn't even met the girl.

 “NO ONE'S PREGNANT,” Dick blurted out face beet red, his sibling laughing at the accusation. 

 “O yea, kids like 6,” Duke chuckled out. This was not reassuring to bruce at all, Dick was 22 if the child was six than that ment:

 “YOU GOT SOMEONE PREGNANT AT 16!” Bruce stood up out of his chair,” Who!? When?!” his jaw locked shut staring at his son who was frantically scrambling to find words.

 “I UM… It's not like that…I didn't,” Dick continued to trip over his words, not how he pictured it would go, “ I kinda just picked him up out of an alley!”

 And at this the giggles turned into manic laughter even Alfred was laughing to himself. “ It seems that Master Dick had inherited some of your more…child cedric tendencies im afraid.” Placing a hand on Bruce's shoulder guiding him back into his seat.

 Cass and Duke made their way over to their brother who had his face buried into his hands. A grin stretched across Casses face, “ You should be proud B, he's caring on the family legacy.” 

 “Yhea the kids got blue eyes with black hair and everything” Tim had chimed in.

 “ Yes father i do have to agree that he seems to meet your adoption criteria” Damian stated arms crossed annoyed glances target at his giggling siblings. 

 “Ahem” Alfred cleared his throat from his spot behind Bruce. “Yes, well with that out of the way,” a smile caching the corners of the man's lips, “ I do believe we sound discuss the boy's condition.”

 With a nod, Dick, Cass, Duke, and Alfred filled the rest of the bats present in on danny's situation . How he was found, the note, the kids' constant state of tiredness, the kids' injuries,how Danny's own parents might be involved, how he seemed to be rather intelligent despite his age, and how he was a meta. 

 The same look from the start of dinner returned to Bruce's face, the gears in his head turning. He was going to solve this, someone in his city had been harming a child to such a degree and had slipped under his radar. He would not stand for it, but first he had to see the kid. This boy he was hearing so much about, who his son had just met but yet had a fond look on his face when explaining the boy's love of stars. His son had taken in a ward and that meant he had a grandson. O lord, he had a grandson.

 “So when am I going to get to meet him?,” and as on cue.

 “Hello? Anyone” a small voice called from upstairs, causing Dick to jump up from his seat. 

 “Sooner than I thought.”

@fisticuffsatapplebees

@terzatheunderscorerima

@sweet-itachi-lovin

@undead-essence

@blacksea21090

@markus209

@nonbinary-disasterter

@starkcravingmad

@ashxshadow

@aikoiya

@rainbowbunny0159

Chapter 5 (most likely to be titled “ A scrambled egg” ) will be Bruce and his stubborn butt not realizing rushing a traumatize child with question was not a good idea.  So stick around!

[defira85]

Apologies for the delay! 1 and 11 for the latest creator ask?

And my apologies for the slow answer😅from your very magnificent ask meme here (and I've JUST seen the political minutiae one from today as well and I'm WHEEZING)

1. Your hottest Durgetash take. The kinda heat Gortash had to endure in HoH. (But be respectful about it fellas, this means everyone)

Oh man I sort of try to avoid posting "hot takes" because I did my time in the Dragon Age fandom and it's very easy to hurt people's feelings because there's such a fine line between vagueblogging and hot takes sometimes... I suppose my thing would be that as much as I'm notorious for writing a happily ever after tragic romance with Gort, I feel like it does him a fundamental disservice as a character to try to... whitewash? His capacity for cruelty? There are piles of rotting bodies in the Steel Watch factory from what we are told are explicitly his experiments, based on the correspondence between him and Balthazar about controlling an undead brain with a tadpole. He kidnaps several young women and girls - at least one of whom he murders and puts her head in a jar 'because he liked her singing voice'. And yes teddy bear bombs etc etc, we all talk about that one, but as much as I love reading romantic Gort stories (with Tav or Durge! I'm not fussy!) he's so much more than just a charming bad boy villain, he's a man with a cruel and sadistic streak a mile wide. He's not afraid to get his hands bloody, and will in fact enjoy it

And yes we can all have our own headcanons of course, that's what makes fandom such a beautiful place, is the depth and breadth of ideas people bring to a character and offer up to one another by way of fic and meta and art but I suppose that's just one that'll always make me go hmm

11. Sceleritas my beloved, how exactly does he fit in there?

He’s my best friend, he’s my pal, he’s my homeboy, my rotten soldier, my sweet cheese, my good time boy-

Younger Kass had a relationship with Sceleritas that I would almost classify as... he was like an extension of herself. He was there almost before she could anticipate a need, and they worked together in a fluid harmony that could be unsettling. This synchronism was fundamentally broken by Bhaal's resurrection, because of course she wasn't supposed to survive that event and so they never reconnected on that same level again. That's the point when he became more of a babysitter, spending his time trying to realign her with Bhaal's desires and slowly failing over the next decade

I wasn't as huge of a Sceleritas fan until I saw a video of an Accepting Dark Urge kill him permanently. That was the moment I saw him as a creature fully separate from Bhaal and not just a shadow puppet Bhaal was projecting onto the wall of the cave. His capacity to change like Durge is questionable, but his fear of death and his anxious desire to live really hit me hard and since then I've been ride or die for him. Bhaal can't have him in my canon, if I can redeem Gortash then I can redeem Sceleritas

[lee-hakhyun]

shit, there’s. something to be said there about how you can’t just force someone to give you all of them, and how it’s a question; you have to ask someone to take your hand

and there’s been entire meta posts before the side story’s release wherein you can have a happy ending, you just have to. be willing to believe in it, just like hands can be offered to you but you still have to take it

and they were offered two different endings; one where kim dokja came back and one where they chose not to

so what does it mean when han sooyoung forgets that you have to ask, and not force it to happen? what happens when you try to make your loved ones do something supposedly for their sake, and not for yours?

because it’s frustrating that some of kim dokja’s fragments can’t let themself think of a happy ending, yeah, but. that’s still a part of kim dokja. that’s still a fragment that had their own hopes and dreams. and in this story where han sooyoung is trying to force an ending so that kim dokja would stop reading, so that he’d finally return… hurting the fragments in the process…

hahah, isn’t it funny that lee hakhyun ends up sacrificing himself for the other fragments, too? isn’t it. isn’t it funny

*cries*

on one hand, my entire brain is going ‘but… but lee hakhyun existed before orv was ever released…’ but on the other hand my head is going ‘no, no, no, it makes s e n s e . star writer had nothing to do with orv before the side story. keyword being HAD’. so lee hakhyun had nothing to do with kim dokja since he was from a story from before orv even existed, but now he DOES have something to do with orv because now he’s 49. and 49 in fact… ah.

49 was, in orv itself, the part of kdj that remembered everything kimcom adored while retaining nothing of his own preferences,,,, it was also the part that was divorced from kdj’s self-destructive and self-hating tendencies, too? so it makes sense that lee hakhyun found himself loving kim dokja’s story and growing close to jung heewon even though he wishes he could be his own person - and. and he is, now, i personally believe, honestly. kdj fragment is a shorthand for ‘reader’, and there’s quite literally no avoiding being a ‘reader’ even though you aren’t necessarily KIM reader

and. 49’s story was forgotten in the chaotic tumble of trying to get the missing part of him back, so… a. another point for the ‘forgotten stories’,,,,,,

... oh god.

i can understand why they go so far for kim dokja but also, everything is just going wrong han sooyoung, choosing to play the villain. and lee hakhyun, giving his everything to protect the story and that line in 615, as hsy sees lhh dying

「Han Sooyoung knew someone who had sacrificed himself in this way.」

singshong is here to hurt all of their characters. no one is spared. and on lee hakhyun. yeah. lee hakhyun HAD his own story, but it was discontinued. and then he ends up in orv. i'm exploding

to the end, 49 supported kimcom unconditionally,, while believing he wasn't who they actually wanted. also, i have a 49 fic rec

[parallelmk]

So it all started when I was born

That's a lie actually this story's beginning predates my birth

So it all started when the one the matters most dark only know as "The Cheese Mab" but a lesser man may know as """Hyness""" fucked up really bad and god gave birth to millions of children. Millions of little ourple hearts everywhere. And one of those was me. But I wasn't ME yet. I was just another fragment of the god the cheese mab called "Void Termina."

I stuck myself in some Meta Knight guy, and made him start hurting people for fun. Something about his dark impulses idk. Kirby and three other guys beat the shit out of me/him, and I was like "What the fuck" and left Meta Knight's body, but I was like "Yo that MK guy was pretty cool" so I decided to cosplay as him for the rest of eternity, and went to Another Dimension and became Parallel Meta Knight

This is how I discovered Meta Knight is trans and I had copied his biological body, so I had to also transition making me also trans. This is also how I discovered Meta Knight has a face that makes me feel dysphoric so I got a mask just like his to cover it

So I was chilling in Another Dimension with this cool spear I found until four assholes threw green bombs at me until my mask broke. So I was like, "who the fuck were those guys" and decided to head down to Parallel McDonalds to relax and grab a bite so I could recover and plot my revenge, and that's when I saw this absolute hunk of a man telling the cashier how four guys threw green bombs at him. The cashier was like "please just order something" but I realized he must have been pestered by the same four guys so we started talking and eventually we went back to his house and plotted our revenge and partook in only the most sfw of acts.

A few weeks later we met a cloud and a tree who, get this, were attacked by the same four guys. We declared ourselves the Otherworldy Four Kings and vowed to take our revenge. We never talked to the tree again

He keeps calling me but I don't answer

So then I found an icy mountain with my face on it, and a big mechanical fortress carved into it. I decided to call it Mt Halberd for no reason in particular and me and my new boyfriend took apart his castle brick by brick to relocate it to Mt Halberd with the help of his Various Guys

Some redheaded bitch named Parallel Susie showed up and tried to buy Mt Halberd off me, and tried to find a bunch of legal loopholes to claim ownership of Mt Halberd, but Another Dimension has no government, so her legal loopholes were meaningless.

Around this time we started hanging out with Parallel Nightmare and Parallel Magolor, except Parallel Susie was friends with those two and also Parallel Nightmare is like... homophobic??? But it's fun to make fun of him so I allow his presence. We decided we needed a name, the coolest of names, so we became... The Trollslayers

But not 2 weeks after this went by until some green guy (unrelated to the green bomb throwing guys) took over the entire dimesnion and said my house was his house. He made us his evil minions and I got really into it and stole candy from babies

But then a red guy who looks just like the green guy showed up and said the green guy wanted to end the universe and I was like "oh shit I did not know that" So we helped the red guy kill the green guy and also a penguin guy apparently unrelated to my boyfriend named King D-Mind

So some time after this I got married to my wonderful boyfriend and life was good, but for no reason in particular, I went to asia where I decided to blow up a whole mountain with Parallel Meta Bombs (because it wasnt as cool as Mt Halberd) but then I discovered super celebrity Morbius was there fighting an evil robot doppelganger

So Morbius and I teamed up but he was a pussy so I had to defeat Metal Morbius by myself. I'm the one who saved the day. This is canon.

I started following the red guy from before and I learned his name was Null Blade. I hosted a tournament around where he hangs out so I could flex on everyone and prove I'm the strongest, but his ass pulled out an ULTRA SWORD and one shotted me. What an asshole!

Then I went to The Cheese Mab's house to steal his stuff because I heard he'd gone MIA and everyone was crashing at his giant space station house, when I heard someone say they wanted a REAL challenge. There was some guy who looks like Null Blade but was orange and had fire, and he was like "No one can beat me" so I beat him and called him a pussy who has never trained in his life. Then the world ended but got better

I met a green and pink guy who looks just like me named Phantom Meta Knight who likes blood and murder and violence and I said we're brothers and he was like "sure." We don't talk much but we get along all right.

Then, get this, the Grand Doomer hired me to be a torture monster for his secret scary monster room, because Red Sphere Doomer was simping for Sectonia, so I tortured him by explaining the plot of Morbius (not unlike what I did just now) and he decided to stop simping

Then I killed him and he became a ghost (but he got better)

I was chilling with the Sphere Doomers because they were fun to hang out with, when WARIO appeared and tried to kill us, and I was doing a good job fighting him, and Null Blade TOTALLY didn't show up and beat Wario with his op Ultra Sword. Anyway turns out Wario swallowed the Master Crown and it was controlling him but we made him cough it up and he destroyed it

Then the Grand Doomer invited Null and I to go to hell with him.

So we went to hell and there was a squid guy who stole the Grand Doomer's power but the Null and I beat him. Null turned into a red blood mist cloud and used the iron in his blood to make knives to attack the squid guy and he told me how to use the Forbidden Heart Spear Move. It's supposed to take four guys to use but I can split into four so I am four guys, so I seal him inside a Jamba Heart and defeat him. But I will admit Null helped. And the Grand Doomer helped but he didn't do anything particularly noteworthy aside from fight

After that the Grand Doomer decided to sleep for 1000 years and left me in charge of the Sphere Doomers but they all hate me and don't listen to me so I left them to do their own thing. But legally I am their boss

Did I mention I met and befriended Fecto Elfilis some time after Grand hired me, well I am now

So they (Elfilis) decided to host a tournament to determine who the STRONGEST META KNIGHT IS and got every Meta Knight from all the dimensions to partake, even guys I've never seen like Morpho Knight and... Brawl Meta Knight? (what's a Brawl?)

Galacta Knight was also there but I can take him (before you ask "in a fight right" the answer is both yes and i can take him in the other way you are thinking of)

So I won the tournament (I PROMISE IM NOT LYING I ACTUALLY WON ASK ELFILIS) and Efilis decided they wanted to fight me too and challenged me as a surprise final round, but I kicked their ass. Having beat both Galacta Knight and Fecto Elfilis, I took their titles as my own. I am the Strongest Warrior In The Galaxy and the Ultimate Lifeform

One of Null's friends hired me to find a person they wanna fight I think but I haven't found them yet (because I'm lazy)

Dr Eggman appeared with his Death Egg to conquer Another Dimension, but The Trollslayers teamed up to defeat him, and I claimed the Death Egg as my own and renamed it the Parallel Meta Egg, but I don't REALLY know how it works, so I begrudgingly gave Parallel Susie joint ownership as long as I can put my face on it and keep the name. We've kind of chilled out ever since then but I still do not like her very much. I just wont go at her unless she goes at me first.

Then I helped my pal Morbius fight Syn Shenron and Dame Da Ne Guy and Kyogre Groudon and Rayquaza were involved and it was a mess

Currently Elfilis is looking for me because they want a rematch, but when I heard that I started hiding to perfect my Secret Weapon to fight them with, because I suspect they have a reason to believe they think they can beat me this time. If they get to have some secret upper hand so do I

If any of you see them, tell them you don't know where I am

[pinkpruneclodwolf]

For the Malleus thing: it's overexposure on my answer. Malleus is a main staple character that has a lot of fans compared to say: Cater or Kalim. Of course, Octavinelle matches in turn for numbers with Malleus but Malleus also has a dedicated shipping fandom that are so attached to him that they cause... problems.

Shipping is fine in moderation but when I see enough people start fighting that this fictional character is "their" man and not someone else's OC, I know Malleus has had too much time in their head or something warped him. I like shopping and run a sort famous /Reader blog for all genders, and that gives me insight into who people kinda want on that side and Malleus is very famous. Shipping aside, Malleus also has such diehard fans that... they forget his CHARACTER!

Malleus' fandom is the same as Octavinelle (woobifying/creeps flooding in) and now bleeding in Savanaclaw (creeps flooding in/racism against dark skinned OC's): the story is revealing that Malleus isn't gap moe and is an actual character that can do wrong, and hurt people... and they HATE that. I've seen four people drop Malleus like a hat because he was didn't understand what he was doing wrong in the Dorm Uniform. Malleus has had a rigid set of understanding of creatures and it's very straightforward instead of nuanced, and even Malleus admits that he wants to try and projects that his advancement on human understanding will only take 100 years. That's fair considering he's been in the human world for 3 FREAKING YEARS, guys. I believe if we were given how long it took Lilia to understand a human customs outside of Silver experience, it'd not do anything to people's opinions. Because to them, it's not about him learning. He doesn't know so he's obviously a BAD CHARACTER, that must be it! "He's a jerk and now I'm going to do a 180° on my own Malleus opinion that is all over my blog and gave my followers whiplash, starting a bashing war by actually not doing a proper review of his character!" No. That's unfair. Why?

Malleus is an interesting character and I'm so sad that he's gone so far into the fandom that he's been woobified and there is no self warn anything: no disclaimer that this is a more romantic Malleus compared to the canon one, or people admitting that Malleus might be OOC as his character reads so incomplete because they write him so... wrong? I think my real problem is the tail end of fandoms that radicalize and throw Malleus around as something he isn't, and that's okay to a certain degree (my /Reader blog acknowledged that Malleus is a canon as I can do without just being Readers buddy, which he's more likely to be in canon). It's just... people are too radical, I think.

I fear the wars this man will create when Chapter 7, Part 3 shows he's got more flaws then he does. I can see a Rook Chapter 5 happening. :(

But I'm not all pessimistic, I know the right fandom should be encouraged and the minority should be ignored, so I know whatever Yana/Aniplex gives us: I support. I know common artists, writer's, editors are all doing fine and I interact normally, but I hate the "drop him" culture these games have in the EN side.

Oh no I get you.

Malleus by himself is an interesting character in his own right, without needing to be steeped in fanon.

I do think that because he was left to stew on his own with pieces of content to hold Mallelikers over, people ended up turning him into their own character to fit their own needs.

And in some ways it's kinda meta because that was something he was trying to escape his whole life so that he could be welcomed by those around him.

I'm usually not as steeped in the fandom as I used to be what w college and stuff creeping up but I'm genuinely sorry that everyone has experienced some form of harassment from both sides of the fence bc one hc didn't fit the other's or the argument of whether his character is good enough or not.

It's disheartening to see others get jumped because of how strongly they feel towards a character and its horrible that you have to endure that on your page anon.

I'm honestly praying Malleus doesn't go through what Rook went thru because that moment is still be felt to this day due to how decisive it was 😭😭😭.

And it's funny bc Rook not choosing Vil was supposed to give Vil growth, who was so hard pressed on winning to the point that he'd contemplated killing his opponent and subsequently Overblotted. The point was that Vil wasn't supposed to win because it'd feed into him. It was a lesson.

With Malleus' Dorm Vignette, I'd argue that him summoning the other dorm leaders was a long time coming considering they weren't doing any affirmative actions to ensure that Malleus could attend. He brought them to him because it was the only thing he could think of; he's not good with technology, time is a construct to him, and no student is willing to approach him for the fun of it unless it's to get smth out of it. It was mostly an act of burning the village to feel its warmth tho it wasn't out of malicious intent.

In the end I can reason he was still partially wrong, he only considered brainstorming with Lilia [and Lilia, a jokester that he is, encouraged him.] Instead of talking to Crowley.

But I do think that Malleus being the poster boy has led to him being so oversaturated in the fandom that a lot of his personality is lost in translation once more.

I liken it to Ace Trappola. Fanon!Ace played up his worst traits to the max without allowing the nuance of his character growth to shine thru. Luckily, Ace is in the recovery period but the same cannot be said for Floyd 😭😭😭.

My most basic observation is that popularity takes the nuance out of characters and I'm hoping against hope that Chapter 7 shows a new side of Malleus that sets the record straight bc as someone who loves character studies watching Malleus get chopped and screwed is 🥶🥶🥶.

[lovinggreeniehours]

📝🌦️☕️👀 with five? give us the deets (also want to hear your canon because canon doesnt exist <- doesnt watch just in support of pal @snowpuffclovers)

i would kill in your honor 🫶 you are amazing

im kicking the wall though because when i say "my canon" i mean i am just going to rewrite this entire tv show and. that is so hard 😭 you have No idea how many plot holes ive had to endure and tolerate throughout the series only for them to fuck everything up this majorly on the LAST SEASON okay inhale exhale i will not rant any further im happy today hfsgkhdhjdhj

📝: how would your story in canon go? how would you influence the events of the original story?

oh my goodness gracious this is Hard 😭 the story is so hard to self insert in because of how densely packed it is. there's not much wiggle room for ari to have his own thing going on. so i did have to make that his arc (him not knowing himself when he's not doing plot things) although i am changing it, i still think it's a fitting arc for him

as for what he'd change in canon, not to brag but five's life would be sooo easy if i was there. actually 🙄 he'd worry less because he doesn't always have to rely on himself, and since there's two of them to handle things, their missions go a lot smoother. there would be an extra pair of hands to try (keyword try) and keep the family from getting distracted in their sideplots, ari literally blocks bullets for him on the regular. guys

tldr for one, they're not going to die 💀 they can save the world Without dying. oh actually i wonder. since ari's powers let's him go through time and space in his dreams, would he be able to see the ending without realizing? 🤔

🌦️: would you be accompanied by mostly fluff or angst fanfics? both? explain why.

BOTH.

i actually haven't read a lot of shippy fics in this fandom (or fics of the show in general) so i don't know how they usually handle that. the majority of the fics are about family dynamics, so i think there's a lot of "ari bonding with five's siblings and five wanting to scream cry throw up /pos about it" hwdgkgsgjfsfh

i think (especially in the early seasons before i dig harder into ari's character) there'd be character study fics on the two of them and the codependency they developed in the apocalypse. and these could go both ways but that middleground hurt/comfort is my favorite flavor 🥳

angst fics DEFINITELY include the "five leaving ari in the apocalypse" aus. i used to have this Horrible idea of them having a fight before five leaves, and five doesn't say goodbye because he's convinced ari hates him now. but ari feels even worse because he thinks he's the reason five left AND IT'S SO HORRIBLEE,,,, THIS IS SO HORRIBLE TO DO TO THEM,,, BUT IT'S SO INTERESTING,,,,,

☕️: what are the most common plots of shipping fics between you and your f/o?

the ones i mentioned above for sure. some domestic retirement fics hdsgjgddgh the old men need to rest 😭

maybe (if the fandom will dare tread here) them trying to figure out physical intimacy. fun fact, 35 years into marriage and they didn't fully know how to kiss HDSHJDSFH toothbrushes and clean water were hard to find in the apocalypse okay they were so not doing mouth contact that's gross 😭 it is a bit risky to make fic of this because they're physically 13 and 14 during s1-3, so i don't think it would be a thing until s4

👀: how does your ship with your f/o influence both of your characterisations and the world? would there be any interesting metas written about your dynamic?

the entire show is about arifive if you squint hard enough /j

no listen okay there's so much interesting stuff about them. like their main theme of "your story saved my life" where ari found happiness in his mundane life through the umbrella academy hyperfixations. and then in the apocalypse, even if they used to butt heads a lot, ari cared about five so so much. he cared about five his entire life, and he refused to let him die. and five doesn't understand the reasoning of it, but it does move him. and it makes him keep going everyday for 45 years. of course, his main goal keeping him moving was his family back home, but ari was the person holding him together. ari reminded him everyday of what he was fighting for, and like. in a way, their sheer determination and devotion saved each other. i always thought that was really neat

there's also that strange inevitability they have going on. i like using that word for them a lot because all the external circumstances dictated that there's no way in hell these two would ever cross paths??? they were born across the world from each other, with the time separation of their births being 15 years??????? AND YET. five, being as stubborn as he is, will always try to time travel and get stuck in the apocalypse. and ari will always be there, practically destined to be the last survivor on earth. there is no way they should have met, but there is no way it won't happen

even their imagery and metaphors alone are to die for, like ari's powers representing the matter that makes up the universe, while five's powers represent the time and space that moves it. five having this theme of running and ari having a theme of being stuck, but five is always there to pull him along for the ride. five often being compared to icarus for his hubris, and ari being the sun (to reference the fact that five bringing ari with him at all is a risk to the timeline. but he takes the risk anyway because he needs Everyone in his family to be safe). even the way that their powers are colored red and blue?? the two colors that represent each of the two most major timelines in the series as a whole??????