#ohhhhhh god someone sedate me rn or i’ll never fall asleep tn
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thinking about the future is like putting my brain on a stove top
#what do u mean i have to reassure myself that i’m not completely worthless if i don’t finish college while simultaneously meticulously -#- engineering my exact plan for how i will find a job that pays the bills without a degree and how i’ll explain all of this -#- to my parents who just expect me to finish out while also constantly saying how insanely smart i must be to be in college#ohhhhhh god someone sedate me rn or i’ll never fall asleep tn#none of this is the end of the world i am not going to die. but it sure feels like it.#the bulk of this is. i do not want to be in college. but everyone’s like awww i know it’s hard but u only have a few classes left! and. SO?#but u can’t say i’m more likely to kill myself than graduate. bc that will upset people. so. feeling so stuck.#didn’t even mean to but#journal moment#bea.txt
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