#ok no more hating now it is christmas peace and love on planet earth
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I might get hate for this but I really don’t gaf about the new Barbie movie coming out.
#never really cared for the toys growing up#I mean I did play with them but they were my sister's lol not mine#I usually also played the plastic toy dinosaur married to the barbie too cause ofc she is married to an intelligent dinosaur#anyway idk I am sure the film will be a lot of fun especially for fans#which ofc is the most you can hope for with films based on a already-established media#but idk all of the people praising it for nothing rn are kind of annoying#tell me I hate women whatever if you think liking barbie's defines you as a woman than you need to grow up and get a life#ok no more hating now it is christmas peace and love on planet earth
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Pooh Characters as Queer Environmentalists
No seriously. I had a very vivid dream involving all the Winnie The Pooh characters as a group of enthusiastic (and queer) environmentalists who meet once a week to talk about environment things because they’re nerds.
Starring Christopher Robin, Pooh, Tigger, Rabbit, Kanga, Roo, Gopher, Eeyore, and Piglet.
· Christopher Robin
o 33 years old
o Head/leader/founder of the Environmentalist Group
o Really interested in saving the whales
o Chill dude, but kind of an airhead
o Everyone thinks he’s some kinda office worker
o One day someone accidentally found out that he’s the CEO of some green-planet organization and runs this group for fun to see what kinds of ideas he can get and to see what people think of environmentalist efforts
o He always credits people for their ideas, but people assumed that he just worked for the company, not that he ran the damned thing
o A pansexual icon
o Has been to every single pride event that their city has ever had
o Rumour has it he started the pride events
o Wilder rumour has it he threw the first stone at the Stonewall Riots
o Even wilder rumour has it that he’s an immortal vampire who survives on the blood of homophobes
o He won’t deny any of these rumours but has yet to confirm it
o Has a genderqueer partner that literally nobody has met
o Seriously, not even Pooh
· Pooh
o 29 years old
o Really wants to save the bees
o Like, REALLY wants to save the bees
o Vegetarian, but because he doesn’t like meat
o Massive sweet tooth; dentists hate him!
o Ace/Aro
o Loves children, wants to adopt his own someday
o Babysits Roo all the time
o Kanga and him are best friends
o He brings little sweets for Roo every meeting
o Perhaps a little bit of a pothead but he’s not addicted
o He just smokes a joint once in a while to chill out
o A stereotypical “make love not war” hippie
o Nice to everyone all the time
o Cries when someone is mean to him
o Gets uncomfortable when people hit on him
o Christopher’s little brother
o A visual artist; uses lots of colours and sells his art at galleries and markets
· Tigger
o 27 years old
o ADHD
o Like SUPER ADHD
o Gay
o Hit on Pooh once but when Pooh got uncomfy he backed off
o Thought maybe Pooh was uncomfortable with gays and was confused and sad
o When he found out Pooh was Ace/Aro he totally understood
o They’re good friends now
o Really wants to save rainforests and trees
o A freelance writer; his books are elementary school Magic Treehouse shit
o Very much into fantasy shit, his non-children’s series’ lore is always the deepest mindfuck ever, how the hell did he even come up with that
o Bestselling author tho
o Kinda famous tbh but he doesn’t like media attention
o He just thinks everybody should have fun all the time
o Does he vape? Probably. Has anyone ever actually seen him do it? No.
o Does he sleep? Probably. Has anyone ever actually seen him do it? Once.
o Kanga caught him powernapping when she came into one of the first meetings really early, but all she did was put a blanket on him and leave to go to the convenience store or something to stay out for a bit longer so he could rest
o He didn’t know who it was until a bit later he figures it was her since she’s always knitting and it was a very pretty knitted thing
o That’s his momma figure now
· Rabbit
o 25 years old
o Vegan and very in-your-face about it
o “Bugs are important to the ecosystem but boy do I hate them in my garden”
o Scifi enthusiast
o Post-apocalyptic things slightly terrify him because he believes that’s how the world is gonna go
o A bit of a conspiracy theorist
o Genuinely believes the government is vaguely spying on everybody
o Did Bush do 9/11? Who knows… but the moon landing was real, and the earth is round, don’t be dumb
o Just identifies as queer, doesn’t like labels
o A very organized person but when he’s very upset perfectionism scares him bc he thinks he’s not ever gonna be good enough and will mess things up on purpose
o Has a long-distance boyfriend
o A farmer
· Kanga
o 38 years old
o Divorced trans woman
o Has a 5 year old son that she fostered as a baby and adopted when he was 4
o Recycles aggressively
o Calls everyone “dear”
o Uses reusable bags and plastic containers all the time
o Knits a lot, everybody always gets scarves or mitts or hats for Christmas
o Usually in the design of ‘planet earth’, but also makes pride flag designs and takes requests for fave colour schemes
o Vegetarian but not aggressive ab it like Rabbit is
o You know what she is a bit aggressive about? Recycling
o If you throw something that’s recyclable in the garbage in front of her...
o Lord help you
o Last man who did that was never seen again
o Okay that’s a lie, he was seen two weeks later
o But he was advocating for a save the whales organization on the side of the road and wearing all thrift store clothing
o She traumatized him into throwing himself into the environmentalist pit headfirst
o Thinks Gopher is just a big softie; is the only one who is super nice to him all the time (besides her son, and Pooh who is nice to literally everyone)
o Kinda has a thing for the grumpy man but won’t admit it
o She’s like an accountant or something, nobody knows what she does for a living but she seems to be well-off
· Roo
o The adopted 5 year old son
o A little bit spoiled, but not just by Kanga, by everyone in the group
o Loves sitting in on the meetings
o His first sentence at 15 months was “recycle that!”
o Loves blue because of recycle bins
o Literally wears nothing but blue
o Will accept things that are less than 100% blue as long as its more than 50% blue
o Also likes things with pink on them
o Thinks Tigger is the coolest person ever
o Doesn’t understand all of Tigger’s books but reads them anyway
o Except the non-children’s ones of course
o Reads everything he can get his hands on
o Don’t let him get his hands on anything inappropriate for a 5 year old
o Asks a lot of questions
o Everyone adores him
o His mama is his favourite person on the planet but also Mr Tigger is so cool
o He likes Mr Gopher too, he thinks Mr Gopher is great because of “how happy Mama is when he’s around”
· Eeyore
o 23 years old
o Has depression
o Trans boy
o Just really wants friends
o Wants to help the planet
o Is a massive pessimist that thinks the world is doomed
o Very smart boy
o Talks about CO2 emissions and carbon taxes
o A university student studying some kinda chemical engineering
o Very quiet
o Bit of a crush on piglet tbh
o Has a big love for superheroes without powers because he loves the idea of things being solvable through hard work mixed with passion and technology
o Except he doesn’t believe it because his depression makes him super pessimistic
o Also a big tech nerd
· Gopher
o 45 years old
o Landlord of their meeting place
o Grumpy ass old man
o Sometimes people are grumpy right back to him and he’s ok with that
o Actually a soft spot for these weird hippies and joins them sometimes but says its because he wants to make sure they’re not damaging the place (they know that’s a big fat lie but won’t say anything)
o Will fight anyone who mocks them
o Has actually fought someone who mocked them
o Has not told them about said fight
o Especially adores Roo
o Thinks Kanga is a bit of an odd woman but also thinks she’s very pretty
o Repressed bisexual
o He thinks nobody knows he’s bi but eventually when he kinda mentions it he realizes everyone knows
o Specifically, Piglet and Kanga are super supportive
o He definitely actually has a crush on Kanga, who knitted him a bisexual flag scarf once
o He wears it all the time but will vehemently deny that it’s the same scarf when called on it
o Big brawny weirdo
o Was a football player in college and can definitely bench-press everyone
o Works construction now, which is why he’s still in good shape
o Actually a brilliant man, can architect and calculate like nobody’s business
o Will help Piglet with his mathematics homework in exchange for Piglet teaching him more things about the LGBT+ community
o After a while he realizes that perhaps genderfluid fits him well but Piglet is sworn to secrecy
o Has a daughter who is institutionalized for her mental health issues that grew beyond his care
o Piglet reminds him of his daughter and he’s very protective
o That’s why he legit fought that asshole who mocked the “little F****t hippies”
o He was almost arrested for assault on that one actually
o The cop was a buddy of his and 100% believed the “defense of those who can’t defend themselves” explanation that Gopher had
o Got off with a warning and fined for “disturbing the peace” or some mundane BS
· Piglet
o 21 years old
o Gay and demiboy
o Anxiety disorders through the roof
o OCD
o Recycling is a compulsion
o Reducing energy consumption too
o He checks his lights all the time
o He walks or bikes everywhere
o He says it’s to reduce CO2 emissions
o He’s just scared of vehicles
o Has some kinda PTSD but nobody knows the source
o He got into a massive car accident when he was little
o Because his father was angry and speeding
o His mother died in the accident
o But nobody knows this! Someday he will tell them tho
o Today is not that day
o Tomorrow is not that day either
o But someday
o Crush on Eeyore
o Also a university student
o Studying mathematics because it makes sense to him
o Gopher reminds him of his grumpy old gay uncle who died when he was in high school
o Feels like he can actually not double-check or cross-reference anything that Gopher teaches him because he trusts him a lot
o Still will sometimes check everything if he’s having a bad day
o Gopher doesn’t mind, he understands that Piglet has a lot of anxiety issues
o Has an exception in his uni file to be able to take twice as long on his exams and tests and get an extra few days for assignments because he checks every single answer 3 times
o His OCD number is 3, everything is 3, he turns his lights on and off 3 times, etc
#piglet#pooh#winnie the pooh is my fuckin shit#winnie the pooh#pooh bear#rabbit#eeyore#tigger#kanga#roo#kanga and roo#gopher#my post#queer#q slur tw#environmentalists#environment#save the bees#idk if this makes sense to anyone else or not#but i really like this for some reason#i hope this isn't cringey
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simself tag
i was tagged by the amazing @surreysimmer and @dawsim thank u lovelies :3
im not sure who has done it and i think im kinda late on the bandwagon so if you want to do it feel free to say i tagged you xo
traits: foodie, goofball, lazy [and i included my doggo bc he is my son]
You have to make a simself and put whatever you wish there, traits, anything about you. After the keep reading thingy are +100 questions I found that you can answer if you want, but you don’t have to. i’ll put it below :]
What is your full name? abbiegaile
What is your nickname? abbie, ab, abz, fannyanne [lol dont ask pls] and my last name
Birthday? december 28th binch it’s comin soon
What is your favorite book series? oof idk maybe lord of the rings and tmi
Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? maybe im too skeptical
Who is your favorite author? idk oops
What is your favorite radio station? um idk maybe capital fm or smooth radio
What is your favorite flavor of anything? coffee yum
What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? cool, amazing, ‘wow’ (also its bugging me that this font size is bigger idk how to fix it im not that tech savvy)
What is your current favorite song? i honestly couldnt choose
What is your favorite word? lol idk maybe like pipette or something
What was the last song you listened to? gold dust
What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? oof i have a lot - big mouth, south park, game of thrones and outlander
What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? i love me some rom-coms like idk maybe 10 things i hate about you
Do you play video games? yup - maybe a little too much
What is your biggest fear? the unknown (so pretty much everything lol)
What is your best quality, in your opinion? idk maybe that im approachable?
What is your worst quality, in your opinion? i over-analyse situations a lot
Do you like cats or dogs better? dogs 100 percent
What is your favorite season? either autumn or winter
Are you in a relationship? yes <3
What is something you miss from your childhood? lol this is dark and deep but not having to worry about things like i do now
Who is your best friend? my boyfriend
What is your eye color? blue
What is your hair color? it’s technically blonde n im naturally blonde but it’s gotten dark over the years so my roots are brown but i have blonde highlights and this was a complicated answer to such a simple question wow
Who is someone you love? my family, my dog n my boyfriend
Who is someone you trust? my boyfriend
Who is someone you think about often? um
Are you currently excited about/for something? christmas tbh
What is your biggest obsession? i have way too many obsessions i look at something for more than 5 seconds and im obsessed its unhealthy
What was your favorite TV show as a child? bear in the big blue house as a little kid shout out to that fkin og show
Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? boyfriend lol
Are you superstitious? boy do i
Do you have any unusual phobias? i guess i have a phobia of bellybuttons lol
Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind definitely
What is your favorite hobby? reading
What was the last book you read? the help by kathryn stockett
What was the last movie you watched? um idek i havent watched one in so long
What musical instruments do you play, if any? lol i wish
What is your favorite animal? polar bears
What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? i can’t choose just 5 its impossible
What superpower do you wish you had? teleportation
When and where do you feel most at peace? in my room lying down in bed reading
What makes you smile? a lot of things
What sports do you play, if any? lol no
What is your favorite drink? caramel frappe from mcdonalds yum
When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? hm idk maybe a card if that counts for my sister
Are you afraid of heights? nah
What is your biggest pet peeve? when ppl scratch the carpet with their nails lol
Have you ever been to a concert? yes
Are you vegan/vegetarian? no
When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? a singer
What fictional world would you like to live in? id love to live anywhere in middle-earth but most likely the shire *_*
What is something you worry about? everything
Are you scared of the dark? no
Do you like to sing? yh
Have you ever skipped school? yeah...too much
What is your favorite place on the planet? my room or tokyo
Where would you like to live? somewhere peaceful
Do you have any pets? a dog called brandy
Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? a night owl def
Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? sunsets
Do you know how to drive? no
Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? earbuds r more comfortable but i prefer headphones
Have you ever had braces? no
What is your favorite genre of music? indie chill
Who is your hero? my mom
Do you read comic books? rarely
What makes you the most angry? horrible people
Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? real book
What is your favorite subject in school? psychology
Do you have any siblings? an older bro n an older sis
What was the last thing you bought? mcdonalds lmfao
How tall are you? 5′8
Can you cook? no
What are three things that you love? my fam/dog/boyfriend, cuddling up in a warm blanket on a cold night and peace
What are three things that you hate? horrible people, my anxiety and um idk
Do you have more female friends or more male friends? idk i think equal
What is your sexual orientation? i dont rlly like putting labels onto things
Where do you currently live? england
Who was the last person you texted? friend
When was the last time you cried? yesterday
Who is your favorite YouTuber? david dobrik, pewdiepie, um i also have a fkin love for like study youtubers
Do you like to take selfies? nah
What is your favorite app? idk lol i dont rlly have one
What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? ..
What is your favorite foreign accent? australian most likely
What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? tokyo
What is your favorite number? 2
Can you juggle? no
Are you religious? nope
Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? space but they both scare the shit out of me
Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? no way
Are you allergic to anything? no
Can you curl your tongue? yes
Can you wiggle your ears? no
How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? if im wrong i admit it
Do you prefer the forest or the beach? forest
What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? to just ‘do more of what makes you happy’ and that it’s ok to feel bad emotions it’s just important to control them
Are you a good liar? nah
What is your Hogwarts House? hufflepuff
Do you talk to yourself? yeah
Are you an introvert or an extrovert? introvert
Do you keep a journal/diary? i do if my anxiety is hella strong i like to let it all out
Do you believe in second chances? depends on context
If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? probs hand it in
Do you believe that people are capable of change? depends on context
Are you ticklish? a little
Have you ever been on a plane? no
Do you have any piercings? ears
What fictional character do you wish was real? hmm idk maybe jamie fraser from outlander
Do you have any tattoos? no
What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? to stop caring about what other ppl think of me
Do you believe in karma? sort of
Do you wear glasses or contacts? i should bc im short sighted but i cba
Do you want children? yes but not until im a lot older
Who is the smartest person you know? my boyfriend
What is your most embarrassing memory? um
Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? yes
What color are most of you clothes? black
Do you like adventures? yes if im not being lazy lol
Have you ever been on TV? dont think i have
How old are you? 18
What is your favorite quote? dont have one im boring
Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? savory
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ok my notifs say i was tagged by @beatcopjake but idk?? whatever i’ll just do this anyway
rules: tag 10 followers 5 followers an infinite number of followers you want to know better (camille did u edit this or was it rly like this)
name: madison
star sign: sagittarius
height: 5'0″ (mutuals pls hold your commentary on my height)
middle name: noelle bc my parents are in the christmas fandom
put your music on shuffle. what are the first 4 songs to pop up?
“rainbow” - sia
“peace and love on the planet earth” - steven universe
“little talks” (live) - of monsters and men
“give me everything” (ft. ne-yo, afrojack, & nayer) - pitbull (lkandffbdLKSNDBFKLNSD LEAVE ME ALONE MY ITUNES LIBRARY GOES BACK MANY YEARS)
grab the closest book to you and turn to page 23. what’s the line 17? it’s my textbook for my sitcom writing class??? the line doesn’t make sense out of context so i’ll just type up the whole blurb: “think about your top 5 favorite sitcoms. are they relatively new series or ave they been on the air for a while?...of your top 5 favorites, which ones are in their 3rd or 4th year? take special not of these. these are the prime candidates for your first spec script.”
consider urself slightly Educated on sitcom writing
ever had a poem or song written about you? my answer remains the same as last time: wtf this is a thing that actually happens???
what was the last time you played air guitar? i’ve probably played guitar hero more recently than i’ve played air guitar
who’s your celebrity crush? stephanie beatriz............
what’s a sound you hate, and the one you love? i hate most of the noises i hear from my apartment window whenever i open it and i love the sound of someone just casually strumming a guitar bc it makes me feel like i’m back home w my dad
do you believe in ghosts? ig i believe in like spirits??? actually have i told y’all abt the racist and homophobic ghost living in my bedroom
how about aliens? THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE
do you drive? YEAH YOU CAN’T SURVIVE IN CALIFORNIA WITHOUT DRIVING SO RIP THE GAYS WHO CAN’T DRIVE UR USELESS I DON’T HAVE TIME TO DRIVE Y’ALL EVERYWHERE
if so, have you ever crashed? YEP 3 and a half years ago, totaled my car
what was the last book you read? miseducation of cameron post
do you like the smell of gasoline? it’s aight
what was the last movie you saw? toy story! i watched it last night for a hw assignment
do you have any obsessions right now? i’m never not obsessed with pokemon....but also b99 and lowkey will & grace
do you tend to hold grudges against people who’ve done you wrong? yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep i don’t get over things v fast if at all
in a relationship? never been in one what’s that
i tag: @typosandteabags @frankcastle @bevioletskies @gamorazenwhoberis & whoever wants to do this???? also ik this one is similar to one that like came thru our circle a while ago so no obligation haha
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well it certainly has been a while. i was just thinking that while i’m on this plane & have a moment to spare...i might as well catch up on my own thoughts, especially since 2017 is ending soon & i haven’t really taken much to this blog in 2017.
i think...2017 was one of the hardest years in terms of work. school work, internship work, freelance work. i was very busy this year trying to figure out my life after college while writing a thesis. i graduated from undergrad & i started making income--albeit very small income. i learned how to write an invoice & also learned a shitton about finances in honestly less than a year. i went apartment hunting (incredibly stressful experience for several reasons). i started reading more--more than i ever did in college. & i actually really enjoy shopping for books now. i also started to realize when i don’t need to spend money, & where i don’t need to spend money.
not really sure how to structure this post, but i suppose the easiest way would be to just go backwards.
i spent christmas with my family & we went to hawaii. while i was in hawaii, i got a full time job offer. it was one of the heaviest moments of relief i’ve ever felt. i’ve been job searching for so long, & while i knew i would eventually get one, i was getting really restless & impatient...& honestly a little worried that maybe i won’t unless i look at other positions & responsibilities. but i’m so fucking glad i finally have a job. with a company i love working with doing work that i love doing in an office/building i love being in. i may be bottom bitch but getting a permanent position at this company is just one step towards one day not being bottom bitch.
moving onto a different topic. earlier today while i was waiting at the gate, i read The Dalai Lama’s “An Appeal to the World”. the book is tiny, but i didn’t expect to finish it in one sitting--less than one hour to be exact. that makes it the second book i’ve read by His Holiness (the first one being “The Universe in a Single Atom: The Convergence of Science and Spirituality”). before that, while on vacation, i finished reading bubzbeauty’s book too, “A Beautiful Mind, A Beautiful Life: The Bubz Guide to Being Unstoppable”. her book was such an easy read. it just felt like watching one of her videos---albeit a really long video. but what bubz’s book & BOTH of His Holiness’ books have reminded me & taught me is to be kind & be patient. & it brought me back to a lot of the things i talked about a lot when this blog first started.
the world is so much bigger than me. sure there are moments where it might feel like the world is a small place but in the end, we are nothing. we are absolutely nothing on this minor planet, orbiting a very average star in one among a hundred billion galaxies. but because we are nothing, & because our world is so much bigger than who we are, we have to make every second count. every second gone is a second that will never be had again. being kind, understanding, patient, empathetic, & compassionate make this shitty world so much more bearable---for everyone.
i have always known that i am a pacifist. i hate war. i hate violence--even something as small scale as a fight after school or something. i hate it all. i truly truly want everyone to get along, because in the end we are one in the same. though our personalities, temperaments, likes & dislikes differ vastly from person to person, at a biological, basic level we are all the same. the only thing that separates us is the land we live on. for me, race means nothing in the grand scheme of the universe. religion means nothing in the grand scheme of the universe. humans are born innately good & kind. but humans are the only species that go to war with each other. humans are the only species that will kill one another simply because of a disagreement in religious ideology or government philosophy.
i fucking hate it. i hate how ignorant & cruel & greedy & narrow-minded some humans can be. this is not the type of world i want our generation’s kids to grow up in---the type that teaches them it’s ok to shoot someone because God told them to or that it’s ok to ban an entire group of religious people from refuge & salvation just because some who subscribe to that same religion have violent tendencies.
one thing The Dalai Lama spoke about a lot in both of the books i read is that change must begin at the beginning: education. he says that schools must begin to teach education of the heart, secular ethics, & morals. it is not enough to educate our brains. we must educate our hearts as well. we must teach our children to be compassionate, understanding, patient, & respectful of all human beings. His Holiness said that he thinks the world would be better off without people, & i absolutely agree. i would have no problem dying if it meant this earth was rid of war-mongering people. but back to the education of the heart, many people today need to realize they must grow their hearts to be more compassionate as well. if people would just take the time to understand their nieghbours & their enemies more, the world would be a much better place. The Dalai Lama says is, “i don’t have enemies, just people I don’t know yet.” y e s. he doesn’t hate the Chinese government for their “genocide” in Tibet. he doesn’t hate the Chinese government for driving him into exile for 58 years & counting. he doesn’t hate the Chinese government for wanting to decide who the next Dalai Lama would be. he respects the Chinese government & is very hopeful of peace between China & Tibet in the future.
i find that so wonderful. it is so easy to succumb to feelings of hatred, frustration, judgment, prejudice, & cynicism. an interviewer once asked the Dalai Lama why he doesn’t hate the Chinese government. He asked why he should be upset. He said that if he did get upset, he’d just have to calm down eventually & that’s much too exhausting. & he is absolutely right. i have always prided myself on not being an angry person. i don’t get angry very often, & when i do get angry, it doesn’t last long because it takes out all of my energy. after awhile i just decide to forgive because i’m tired. & i know there are plenty of other people out there like this too. but if we all just decided to not succumb to our feelings of anger in the first place, & chose to stay positive, imagine how much less exhausted we would feel.
now that was weird for me to type: “stay positive”. i’ve always been against optimism & “staying positive” because i felt like people who were optimistic or too positive were naive & fooling themselves of reality. i preferred to preach pragmatism. i preferred to preach practical hope: keeping hope alive in your heart but still accepting & knowing that shit will happen---more often than not. well that’s another thing that i wanted to talk about in this post. bubzbeauty is an incredibly optimistic person, & it did bother me in the past. but after reading her book, i do feel inspired to be more optimistic, but it’s not blind optimism. i think i’ve come up with my own definition of optimism that i can live with. i don’t know if this definition is already out there, but it’s something that i’ve come to realize on my own & so for now i will call it my own. i’d like to think that it’s the happy medium between optimism & pragmatism.
how i define myself being an optimistic pragmatist (or pragmatic optimist) is accepting life’s downfalls---sometimes even welcoming them, because i am well aware of their existence. i know life is about the highs & lows that happen in succession. i know i will have bad days--relapse days. i know i will have manic days. i know i will have suicidal days. but i also know that i will have ok days, gr8 days, & truly gr8 days. i know i will have days that make me feel grateful to be alive, & motivate me to stay alive. i know i will have days that i don’t want to end because they’re so gr8. i know i will have a balance of both in my life, because the universe is all about balance. but no matter what kind of day i’m having, i have to believe that things will be good for me in the end. i have to trust that the universe is taking me to where i belong. i have to remind myself that things could always be worse---not just for me but for everyone else in the world.
while i’m having a gr8 day, i have to be extra grateful for it because someone in the world is having a horrible day, & i’m lucky to be alive & smiling, with shelter & food available to me whenever i so please. while i’m having a shitty day, i have to be grateful that i am at least no longer numb to the world & to life, that i can at least feel something & still have shelter & food available to me whenever i so please---because someone else in the world does not. & to add onto all of that, if someone disrespects me in public, or responds to me rudely, or behaves in a way that i don’t agree with, i must try to remain calm & refrain from judgment. i don’t know what that person is going through & i have no right judge them for having lower character than i do just because we’re different.
the latter half of 2017 is when i really began to realize just how meaningless my life is. i don’t mean that in a self-deprecating way. what i mean is...i’ve always talked about how i’ve gone through so much shit & how it’s hardened me over the years. but honestly...who the fuck cares. in the end, the shit i go through means nothing in the grand scheme of the universe. my hardships mean nothing to a stranger, mean nothing to my employer, mean nothing to my superintendent, mean nothing to my neighbours. i cannot walk around with self-pity cause it’s...honestly just not cool. i know there have been times where i was truly depressed, truly suicidal, & truly low beyond low. i’m not discrediting those times because those feelings were very real. but now it’s time for me to move forward & not think about the past so much.
one of my best friends once told me that he thinks the reason why i’m always so sad & disappointed in the world is because i continue to think about all the bad things that have happened to me in the past, & that since that’s all i’m focusing on, i miss the good things that happened to me in between. i’ve come to realize that he was right. i don’t even want to begin thinking about all the possible good times i missed because i was so focused on my past. now with my updated life philosophy, i find myself still thinking about the past, but in a more reminiscent way. i’m more focused the present. i think the time when i was most focused on the present was 2015, & i’m trying to get back to that. in between that time & now i lost it a little, but i’m working to get back there---or at least the 2018 equivalent.
despite these two authors & the three books though (which i recommend to EVERYONE by the way), the one person that has taught me above all else about patience & compassion is my boyfriend. i’m pretty sure he has no idea, but being with him for the past 18 months has really taught me more about patience & understanding. whenever we get into arguments, i find myself practicing mindfulness. i choose to not be petty & instead be straightforward with him about my feelings. instead of playing mind games, i’m honest. instead of getting frustrated at him immediately over something that may be nothing, i decide to breathe, be patient, & understand his situation better in order to be a kinder girlfriend. most recently, though, i’m learning to expect less of him--not because he’s been a disappointment but because it’s not fair to him that i do so. i think the biggest thing i took away from bubz’s book is an anecdote she wrote about a time when she was angry at her husband & venting to her older sister. bubz went on & on about how she felt like tim wasn’t putting in the same amount of effort as she was in taking care of their firstborn, & she resented him for it. her older sister was silent at first but then said, “lindy, you’re not disappointed in tim. you’re disappointed in your own expectations.” that really stuck with bubz, & it really stuck with me. it is not fair to get upset at my boyfriend for not doing something that i only expected him to do. he is not a mind reader & i should not expect him to be. i should also not get frustrated over his shortcomings & just appreciate & love him for who he is in my universe. actually, instead of saying i should expect less of him, it would be better to say that i should just not expect anything of him. that’s much better. because to me he is already perfect & for me to expect more of him is to be greedy.
so in summary, my 2018 spiritual resolutions are:
to stay kind
to stay patient
to stay understanding
to stay compassionate
to stay empathetic
to practice optimistic pragmatism or pragmatic optimism
anyways...as always this was longer than i intended it to be. you know what in the future i should just not care about whether or not the post is longer than i intend.
ok that’s added to the list of resolutions: don’t give a crap about how long my posts become & don’t apologize for it.
(:
; e
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