#ok this is the last of the lasso posting for the week but oh my god. jesus christ. every weel they put rebecca in an outfit dont they

[calumsash]

ok so i was tagged by the lovely aria @calumthoodshands in this and what i got from her drunk explanation (love u aria) on the post is that we're talking about our top 8 shows that you need to know to know me 🥰 i definitely rambled here way too much for no reason but oh well <3

911 (2018 -): hmmm do i need to explain? i feel like people heard and seen me lose my mind over the weewoo show. this is currently what's shaping my life. i take the day off on tuesday cause it's when the new episodes air for me. yes it's that level of brainrot.

skam (2015 - 2017): this show shaped me as a teen gonna be real. i watched it in my last year of high school and seeing this type of real show about teens where at the times all the shows with high school were like tvd and gossip girl and such it was refreshing! i do believe that for full impact of watching skam you needed to hunt episodes on google drive and wait for translations as you're avoiding studying for your finals but it's great in any viewing shape and form.

parenthood (2010 - 2015): this is one of the shows that i used to watch weekly as it aired with my mom. it's about family and we've grown attached to the bravermans 🫶 it gave us many good crys!! also peter krause my beloved is there (even though i would have fought adam braverman many times).

ted lasso (2020 -): a show that just brings joy to my heart <3 im probably gonna cry when it's gonna end in a few weeks. every episode that i watch of this show i get some faith in humanity and when i don't think it can get better, it does!!

this is us (2016 - 2022): show of all time. the amount of tears this show brought out of me. made me have a full panic attack watching a certain episode and it's one of the best episodes of the whole series. this is another show i watched with my mom where we tuned in every week to watch together and it was our hangout time that i still very cherish. again very family driven storylines so yeah 🥹

schitt's creek (2015 - 2020): how does one explain the love i got in my heart for the rose family and co? a show i definitely procrastinated finishing cause i didn't want it to end!!! just as good as everyone say it is and i loved every second of it.

glee (2009 - 2015): when i tell you being a gleek was my whole personality for years i am not kidding. watched this baby since it came out and i would wake up at 4am so i could watch the episodes before school and then later on burn them on CDs. i had posters, magazines, merch, everything. like half the songs i know are from glee. watching glee from 10 years old will change your brain chemistry i promise you. i will admit that i stopped watching after the quarterback episode but at a point of time (literal years) this show was my everything.

always sunny (2005 -): most awful people in the world but you can't help but love them. pretty sure it's the longest running sitcom at this point? if not it will be. i did base my personality after some stuff from the show for a while. my bio on insta is still "champion of the sun ☀️" after all these years. i dressed up as charlie in the day man episode. it's just a really fucking funny show.

honorable mentions: the boys, teen wolf (until s3b), abbott elementary & derry girls!

im gonna tag @myfalsedevotion @cowboy-buck @buckleyseddie @merry-the-cookie @pxrxmoore if you guys feel like it, no pressure!!

also goes without saying but if you haven't watched something in here i highly recommend them!!

[storytimewithcort]

Will’s got a Crush (Part 3 Final)

Will’s Got A Crush (part 3)

Hello Lovies, I wrote a Will/Colin Story cause Why the Eff not

Fandom: Ted Lasso

Summary:  Will’s got a crush, and Isaac is ultimate wingman.

Pairing: Oh you know, Colin x Will

Warning: Alcohol, some bad flirting, but nothing really yet

A/n:  Started as a silly short drabble, but now it has 3 chapters! Please enjoy. It’s a bit corny :)

also on Ao3 -  https://archiveofourown.org/works/34923553/chapters/86967319

--------

Part 3/3

Sunday evening Will fell onto his bed with a thump, utterly exhausted. After helping his older brother, Connor, move into his new flat which was on the third story, he was more than ready to pass out. His bed felt softer than normal under his sore muscles. His phone beeped, drawing his attention to all the messages he'd been ignoring during the moving process. There was a group chat involving the team with a couple new messages about training times. There was a new thread, he’d have to read later, from Moe on the Wrinkle in Time group chat. Moe must have just finished the book based on the length of his post. A new message from his brother, most likely thanking Will again. But most intriguing was the not one, but three, new messages from Colin.

Will sat up with a little thrill of excitement to open the new messages.

‘Will! Totally ran up to a bloke I thought was you on the street’ ‘It was not you’ ‘He was not happy to see me. Not a Richmond fan’

Will laughed to himself picturing Colin shouting at a random person for far too long before noticing his mistake. He wished he was there to see it.

‘Maybe he just isn’t a fan of being ambushed by someone on the street’

To his surprise, Colin texted right back.

‘No ambush. A friendly greeting!’

‘Did you slap him on the back? Like you do when you're excited to see someone’

‘...no..?’

‘Uh huh, sure 😏’

They had fallen into this comfortable texting for a few weeks. It was nice, Will thought he had Colin figured out by now, but he realized there was so much more to learn. He was able to text Colin a lot more than they usually got to talk at the club. It was great to get to know Colin enough to see him as a friend, not a star he had a hopeless crush on.

Will still had his crush, of course. In fact, his crush was even worse now. Will could tell he was developing actual feelings for the footballer. Despite this, or because of it, he couldn’t stop himself from gushing about his crush to his brother that day while they unloaded boxes. So when Will’s phone beeped again, it didn’t surprise him that his brother had texted again. This time not with words of appreciation.

‘So which player is it?’

Will told his brother he liked someone. That this person was sweet and funny. That he was a man Will worked with. But he never told Connor it was a player.

‘I never said it was a player’

‘You spend all day in close proximity to super fit, rich, young athletes’

‘I’m not that shallow’

‘Didn’t say you were' 'I just think it'd be awesome if my baby brother was dating a fit, rich, footballer’

‘Maybe’

‘Zoreaux? You’re friends’

‘Just friends’

‘McAdoo. Even I think he’s hot’

‘What No!’

'O'Brien'

It went on like this for a while. Connor continued to guess players while Will toggled back and forth between his brother and his conversation with Colin. After eight incorrect guesses, Will felt like he might as well just tell his brother. He obviously wasn't going to stop guessing.

'Colin! It's Colin. Ok I have a big gay crush on Colin Hughes. Please stop guessing'

Will tossed the phone on the bed in front of him, embarrassed as he braced for his brother's boisterous response to his admittance.

But the phone didn't buzz.

He waited a long moment. Silence.

Tentatively he picked his phone back up. Pulling up his brother's texts to see if he missed the incoming message.

Weird, he didn't see his last message at all. He stared at the screen for a moment confused. He knew he just typed a message. Did he somehow delete it instead of sending it? Just then a new text from Connor came in. He guessed another player, obviously oblivious to Will's confession. He started to type his message again when a chill went down his spine. He closed out Connor's messages to see the conversation directly underneath.

Colin.

Oh no.

A shaking hand opened the messages with Colin. There was his message. He sent it to the wrong person. Damn them both for having names so similar. Worst yet, it looks like it was too late to delete the message.

Read 8:50pm

What was he going to do? Will debated texting Colin back and denying the whole thing, but felt it was pointless. In an act of embarrassed denial he did the best next thing. Will turned his phone off and left it on his dresser, trying in vain to sleep the whole predicament away.

Will was an emotional wreck all morning on Monday. He arrived to work early in order to finish his prep work prior to any of the players showing up, then hid himself away in Roy’s office, hoping no one would need to come around the corner and see him. His plan of not being seen worked most of the morning, in fact, besides Beard briefly, he managed not to interact with anyone. As he made his way outside with drinks for the guys around 11am, he thought he’d be able to slip out, deliver the cooler, then sneak back away without detection. However as soon as he made it out onto the pitch, Ted exclaimed how great it was to see him. This was of course loud enough to alert the whole team to his arrival and Will watched in horror as Colin stopped running and immediately looked at him.

Will could feel the deep blush flood his cheeks, making him feel a bit light headed. Keeping his head low, he served up some cups and tried his best to blend into the background behind the coaches as training finished for the morning. As soon as he was sure all the guys had their cups, he made a quick retreat to the laundry room.

He knew he couldn’t avoid Colin forever. He worked with the man pretty closely after all. Still, Collin hadn’t responded to his message, so Will was convinced that Colin wasn’t pleased by Will’s confession. Will just figured if he could avoid him for a few days, maybe Colin would forget about the message and they could go back to being friends.

As he was folding towels by himself he heard a knocking at the door. Expecting Ted with a request, he turned around quickly. It wasn’t Ted. It was Colin, standing in the doorway, smiling at him.

“Hey Will”

“Uh, Hi” Will sighed, might as well get it over with, “Look about what I texted…” Colin chuckled, “Didn’t think you to be so forward.”

Will prepared for the rejection, because despite what Isaac had said once, he really didn’t believe Colin could be that into him. Yet, Colin was walking up to him, with a swagger Will had’t seen before. He had to admit, it was incredibly attractive. When Colin was only a foot away he leaned in a touch. Will’s eyes were as wide as could be when Colin placed a quick kiss on Will’s lips.

“Dinner after training?” he asked simply.

“Oh, uh, yea.”

“Great!” Colin cheered as he practically skipped out of the laundry room. Pausing at the doorway, he smirked. “By the way, I definitely feel the same.” And then he was gone and Will had to slide down the side of the dryer he was standing next to because his legs were suddenly jello.

Back in the locker room, Colin walked in with a smile, as all the boys looked at him.

“So?” Isaac asked quickly.

“He said yes!”

They all cheered, happy for their friends.

------

thanks

[charincharge]

How you doing char? I know it’s been a while since your surgery and I’m hoping you feel back to normal or almost? How your dog? How’s your gf? What are you watching lately? What are you reading? What are you listening too? And if you had to choose between being a pirate, fairy, mermaid, elf, or fae which would it be and why please rank them all and the reasoning behind their placement

Oh man. I am good! Tired still from my driving sprint from NYC to LA (I’m in a wedding this weekend so it’s getting most of my mental space atm, but I did come up with the rest of IDWTW while I was driving through New Mexico with no service so I’m feeling ok about it!).

I’m almost back to normal. I’m two months post op now and officially cleared for exercise of all kinds. Which is very exciting. Catch me swimming all month long!!!

The dog is great. Lazy as ever. Thrilled to be back in LA and receiving attention from all my friends.

The gf is also great, but being away from her after staying with her for a month is harrrrd. Luckily shes coming out to visit in a few weeks 💗

Currently watching Ted Lasso (if you haven’t gotten into it bc you don’t think you’d be into sports I swear I don’t understand sports at all but I love it it’s perfect no notes). Currently reading Shadow of the Fox by Julie Kagawa. I’m only about 1/3 of the way in but I’m enjoying it immensely. Listening to The OC soundtracks because they are perfect and also I missed LA.

As for the last question - Fae (because they’re all encompassing magical creatures), mermaid (Bc I fucking love the ocean), elf (but only the hot blonde kind from LOTR), fairy (because I too need applause to live), and pirate (which would still be dope but it feels like there’s a lot of murder and pillaging which I’m not really into).

[fmdminheearchive]

hello! it’s me, the perpetually absent as of late mun of minhee, eunah, dowoon & seungwoo. to summarize: i’ve been having the worst luck irl for about three months straight. it’s been one thing after another and i no longer am able to tell you what day of the week it is. (like, really.) great, now that that’s over, consider this my plot call for the new quarter. i’ve decided to plot for all my muses through minhee’s account & my d!scord to try and keep everything together as well, so please like/reply to this post for anything under the cut that interests you for any of my kids! i’ve really missed you, famed <3

minhee

of course, all of these schedules, and the other group ones, are open for threads with lipstick members as a given!! the special mv filming, their fan signs, etc!! 

and anyone who wants to do a volunteering thread, yes please! <3 bc muses, minhee is so here to bitch about bc between takes for the documentary... and then she’ll go all i lov my family <3 at the concert like a week later but nvm that.

lipstick are promoting hurt locker from july 15 - august 15, so if that crosses over with any of your muses’ promotional periods, please feel free to hit minhee and me up, because oh god, she is so bored of waiting around backstage at music shows. she’ll happily cause some mischief or assuage any nerves or anything else!

ulsan music festival : for muses in decipher, knight, charm, unity, aria, impulse, fuse, femme fatale or vive! maybe minhee almost makes your muse late for their set, or maybe they have a real heart to heart in the dressing rooms after they catch minhee yelling about her shorts riding up one too many times.

suwon kt wiz supporters festival : for muses in gal.actic or aria! omg hot girl shit here. anyways, minhee hates the outfits lipstick are dressed in here, so she’ll probably be complaining about being a sexy delivery driver. gal.actic muses will have to deal with her asking them to teach her the choreo for fri. sat. sun. because she loves it so much. 

daegu chimaek festival : for muses in bee, gal.actic or silhouette! more hot girl shit! bee and silhouette muses please forgive minhee for being a clingy lover of both groups, even into her hag era. same as above applies for gal.actic muses -- idk, part 2: she gets you to film fri. sat. sun. tiktoks with her.

haeundae hite concert : minhee hates their outfits, part 2. loves bee, part 2.

hallyu dream concert : ok i’m not typing out everyone who’s performing here, but if your muse is!! hit up minhee!! she’s got a flannel shirt around her waist that she will be slipping out of and using as a lasso (no one point out to her that she could just... untie it...)

eunah

same again, everything 7rophy-wise obviously is all open for 7rophy members!! dumdi dumdi prep & promo stuff and all that! 

volunteering stuff with anyone is open!! & the photoshoot with any other dimensions idols is open too!!

has her solo comeback on july 20th!! basically is promoting nonstop all summer and is . suffering a lot, it’s really hard on her.

chinese international students’ festival : for muses in alien, lucid, silhouette or impulse! eunah is ... not gonna be in a good mood, so pretty much, uh, this (and the other festival 7rophy are performing at), would be pretty good opportunities for maybe some old friends to see the return of bitchy/icy eunah, or for her to shock some new friends with her attitude!!

cheonan world dance festival : for muses in lucid, silhouette or fuse! see above, basically. 

dowoon

bc muses come get your x-rays with dowoon!! he’ll hate it!! alternatively, come hang out at the anniversary concert with dowoon!! he’s ok with it!!

someone please come animal shelter volunteering with this boy, he loves animals so so much.

so, charm’s on tour in japan for most of this quarter! charmies ( dowoon says : bleh but you know the way nctzens call dream members the dreamies ... yeah ... ) please hit me up for some dowoon tour bitching. he really hates fallin’ flower. like, more than anything. please indulge his complaints, or totally disagree with him! maybe him and one of the other charmies could have a massive falling out on tour :eyes: drama. he’s just grumpy bc he’s away from wang for so long.

but on the bright side, he loves home;run so much, so on the total flip of the last point, charmies please come have fun with him!! fun, of course, means long hours in the dance studio even after everything is perfect, but like? he’s smiling? so that obviously means it’s fun? even if it isn’t? idk he’s a strange child. or maybe it’s time for fights... again? 

hallyu dream concert : again i am not typing out everyone, but if your muse is performing at this concert, dowoon will probably be in desperate need of a break from charm after the quarter he’s had, so come hang out with him!!

seungwoo

my king. the opposite to dowoon’s gremlin ass self. anyways, yes, hi. mars muses, your leader misses you and wants all the threads for twilight era, even if he doesn’t really care about the song very much. 

seungwoo in general is just the most in need of plots right now, so if anyone wants a messy ex turned good boy bff or a deep seeded hatred thing from years back or anything, uhhh hmu. 

hallyu dream concert : and again!! he’s open for threads here!! let him, idk, extend his leaderly duties to your muse and take care of them if they need something. or maybe there’s a backstage confrontation years in the making?!?!? or, idk, you catch him reading some poems and your muse thinks that’s lame nerd shit. 

[sickenoughsteve]

Each Month of the Pandemic’s Biggest TV Show and What it Says About That Point in the Pandemic

As human beings, we were designed to consume content. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Don’t let anyone lie to you and try to claim we once went outdoors. It’s not true. We didn’t. We belong indoors with no friends, watching shows. These are simple facts, my friends. I hate to break it to you if this is news to you. But I will say, you are a little naive.

Do you remember March 2020? Oh my goodness, what a time that was. The pandemic had just kicked off, we were told we’d be able to work from home (or WFH, if you don’t have time to write the whole thing out) for maybe a week or two while this “whole virus thing” blew over. 

No direction whatsoever from the government or our leaders. Just a general “we gon be aight” Kendrick Lamar type vibe. 

Trump was saying it was the flu! I’ve had that. That’s nothing. Coughing is not that bad. “Oh shit, people are dying, though?” we gasped. Oh well, let’s just not think about it!

Everything was novel and exciting! “This is so cool,” we all thought. “My first pandemic. Let’s goooo!” exclaimed the masses.

In March we were introduced to perhaps the wackiest show of the whole Demic, but an undeniably PERFECT way to kick us into this new life we now all know far too well...

Tiger King (March - Netflix)

This show had everything we possibly could’ve asked for to get us started. LGBT representation, tigers, white on white crime, multiple subplots, Shaquille O’Neal, and a woman who murdered her husband and got away with it. Nice!

We had no idea where this year would take us... the rock bottom many of us would hit, the loneliness, the despair. But we got to see what wacky ass motherfuckers in Oklahoma do with their time and it was just as absurd as we thought it would be.

A truly great start. Which leads nicely to our next month...

The Last Dance (April - ESPN/Netflix)

From the GOAT of Tigers to the GOAT of basketball, both of which are assholes, we have The Last Dance. This show was basically Michael Jordan’s chance to further prove he’s a dick.

We all loved it!

Keep in mind, there were no sports being played at this time. We were all desperate for ANY kind of action, even NBA footage from the 90s. 

Perfect timing for a self congratulatory documentary on stuff we already kind of knew about. Lots of memes came from it. Scottie Pippen being vastly underpaid came to light. Just generally, a nice way to continue easing into lockdown. Nicely done, MJ. 

Too Hot to Handle (May-ish - Netflix)

I know what you’re thinking. Yes, a show about horniness did make the cut. 

This was more April than May, but it’s on Netflix so it’s hard to really say. This was a show about trying to not have sex on an island of hot people with a monetary prize arbitrarily made up on the fly by the show’s producers!

Perfect. By now, none of us were having ANYthing even remotely resembling sex, and if we were it was with... our partner? Ugh!

Another perfect show for this time of the year.

I May Destroy You (June - HBO)

I’d venture to say, by this time in lockdown, I was more interested in trying to find a show I actually thought was good, rather than continuing to tarnish my brain with filth.

This show and Michaela Coel are both actually very good, to the point where I can’t really even make a joke here.

Good show, right as we needed it, being locked in our apartments for the fourth straight month.

Dating Around (July - Netflix)

Also difficult to determine whether this was in July. But again, we were not dating so the idea of not only dating but dating AROUND was pretty fucking compelling.

If you’ve seen the show, you know how toxic the photo I chose is, and I’m sorry for giving you PTSD. 

I will admit I watched the entire show as well as the Brazilian spinoff. Absolute banger.

Selling Sunset (August - Netflix)

Came for the drama, stayed for the unbelievable homes and weirdly subtle moments of humanity.

“Bald, short, rich twin brothers who also happen to be real estate tycoons? Ok... I don’t think this show is for me.” -Everyone, before watching Selling Sunset.

“OK, I get it” - Those same people 15 minutes into episode 1.

This show has multiple seasons but you can literally watch any episode and kind of figure out what’s going on.

Perfect background noise, which at this point in the Demic, we desperately needed.

Ted Lasso (September - Apple TV+)

At a time that desperately required wholesome goodness, Ted Lasso more than delivered.

I’d argue one of the most slept-on post-SNL careers belongs to Jason Sudeikis. We’re the Millers is an iconic film, deserving of an Oscar (or two) but nobody is ready for that conversation.

This was by far the most important release from Apple TV+ (I think that’s what it’s called). Also disclaimer for those of you who hate sports... it has very little sportage, if that’s a word. But yeah, not too many sports! Don’t worry!

Emily in Paris (October - Netflix)

So, without namedropping (because I’m not tacky) the star of this show went to my high school. Therefore, how could I not include it?

Don’t say “weird flex, but ok” to me. It’s not that weird of a flex. Her career is taking off! I like being able to say I knew her before! Sorry!

An undeniably silly and not very good show, it still swept the nation due to the fact that all of us now DESPERATELY want to travel.

We’d go anywhere! But Europe would take the cake. Literally send me to a random industrial town in Germany. I will eat that shit up.

Show is cute enough and pretty entertaining. Perfect as we headed into... Surge Winter™.

CNN (November - CNN, duh)

I know I run the risk of losing you... which I may already have considering how long this damn piece is getting... but I’m going to delve into politics (briefly).

There was no show that could outperform the drama unfolding IRL with trump and biden. Joseph calmly dismantling fascism was really cool to see.

And yes, I’m aware there are other news channels and that CNN is probably fake news, but you know what? I don’t care. I watch CNN because I like my news SASSY! Sue me.

The Flight Attendant (December - HBO)

This show is not even that good, but a psychotic alcoholic who gets caught up in a murder mystery is basically exactly what the content gods knew we were asking for.

Pure recklessness. No redeeming qualities in the protagonist. Just a generally lost and bad person. This is who we all have become.

Kaley Cuoco, you represent us all. Thank you. We now feel heard.

--

I was going to do January but the month isn’t over and this piece is too long, so uhh... holla at me IRL if you want to know what I’m watching rn. Peace!

[trashbrigade]

THIS ITEM MUST BE POSTED ON SOCIAL MEDIA PRIOR TO THE END OF THE HUNT! Let’s see a (SFW) 2,000 word essay published on twitter in 140 character bursts. (no attachments, etc.) about the best way to get pregnant for the 10th time. (I’m sorry, but I promised someone this would be an item.) Submit an image of the first post and then a link to this post in the COMMENT field of the submit page so we can check to make sure you “published” the whole thing.

The Best Way to Get Pregnant for the 10th Time: A Gishwhes Essay by Team Trashbrigade.

Getting pregnant for the tenth time is obviously a highly admirable and esteemed endeavor. However, there are many precautions that must be taken in order to ensure that it is done safely. This is not something to be taken lightly by any means and requires both strong commitment and a dedication to best practices.

Getting knocked up is, of course, a most memorable occasion. Whether because this moment is exactly what you’ve always wanted or because it is hands down the most horrifying experience of your entire life, there’s no doubt that it will be a red letter day on your calendar.

It goes without saying that you will want to prepare yourself before getting pregnant no matter whether it’s your first attempt or any subsequent one. While the first nine times are wonderful, there’s just something extra special about the tenth time. Maybe because it’s double digits; that’s always exciting.  To make this tenth time as magical as it can be, you need to devote some time and energy to doing it as effectively as possible. This means getting yourself ready in all ways that one can prepare: Physically, mentally (sometimes known as emotionally), and, of course, adverbally.

Let’s focus in on one of these to begin with and talk about physical preparation for a bit. Your body is a temple. Also a synagogue. Not to mention a mosque. Most definitely a church. Sometimes even a cathedral, depending on the time of the month. Because of that, you must treat it with both care and reverence. What does that look like? Let’s start with nutrition. Nutrition refers to all of the food items you put into your body. These food items come in a number of categories such as healthy, somewhat healthy, less healthy than that, and Kentucky Fried Chicken. For optimal pregnancy achieving, you should try to limit yourself to Kentucky Fried Chicken to maybe six times a week. To shake things up a bit, consider adding in Taco Bell on the seventh day. Similar to the way that God created human on the 7th day, you yourself are looking to create life, so you may find an excellent choice to be a Gordita which is shaped and stuffed like a taco, similar to the way you’ll be wanting to…never mind. Helpful hint for someone like you looking at your tenth time being pregnant: If you’re hoping for twins, a Doubledilla is the obvious choice.       

Next, let us examine drinks which fall under the category of nutrition as they are a subset of things you can put in your mouth. Drinks have the added benefit of not needing teeth, unless, of course, you make the dire mistake of choosing bubble tea. If you aren’t familiar with bubble tea, it is a vile substance that was clearly created by Satan himself. Imagine this: It’s a hot day. You’re tired. You’ve been working up a sweat trying to conceive…of what to have for dinner. So, you think to yourself, “Self, I could really go for a cool, refreshing sweet treat.” Suddenly you see it: a sign for bubble tea! “I love tea,” you think to yourself. “Also bubbles! Although I’m not sure why the two are combined on this sign. Hey, maybe the tea is somehow carbonated! That sounds super refreshing! Count me in!”

By now you are nodding your head excitedly because you are practically guaranteed the most delicious treat of your life. Also, you seem a little revved up already because those were an awful lot of exclamation points, so maybe try the decaf. Pro tip: when you have bun number ten in the over, which is precisely what this essay is about, you will be glad that you took the time to switch over to decaffeinated beverages.

Ok, so. Bubble tea. Oh, right. So, you’ll order yourself a nice big glass of it and maybe the friendly bubble tea employee will say something friendly like “How about extra boba?” and you’ll open your eyes wide and agree because even though you might not know what boba is, you’re quite sure that “extra” is always a good thing. Plus, the friendly bubble tea employee bears a slight resemblance to well-known CW actor Misha Collins and for some reason you feel like whatever he suggests you should simply do, without bothering to question why first.

And now, after a pregnant pause (did you see what I did there? Did you?) during which he makes your drink, the bubble tea is handed to you. With a wink of his startlingly blue eyes, he passes it over and you have to actively stop yourself from smiling broadly so that you can take that first sip. Ahhh, bliss! Cold and sweet and creamy and WHAT THE HELL IS THAT. You choke and sputter and gag. Something gloppy and slimy has suddenly entered your mouth and, as you know from already having been pregnant nine times, that is not going to help you with number ten. Too polite to spit it on the floor, since the handsome fellow is still watching you, you gag it down, trying hard not to think about how utterly consistent in texture that tapioca ball is with a glob of mucous. Like, probably the exact same consistency as a mucous plug, a thing with  which you are no doubt intimately familiar by now. That’s what’s in your mouth. That’s what you paid your hard earned money for. Money that could be used for prenatal vitamins which are vitally important and should be taken before and during each and every pregnancy whether it’s your first or your tenth.

Nutshell: hydration is important but bubble tea is a last resort.

Next on our list is preparing oneself emotionally. Proper mindset for pregnancy is one of those things they don’t always teach you about in all of those books you’ve no doubt bought and read with a horrified look on your face. (I still remember the book I read during my first pregnancy when I was feeling the need to hoover up every bit of food in a tri-county are. It suggested snacking on “a healthy oatmeal cookie”. Please note the use of the word “a”. As in a single, solitary oatmeal cookie. Like that was going to do the trick. I set fire to that book and used it to toast marshmallows for s’mores.)

If this is your tenth time being pregnant, you are well familiar with the emotional highs and lows inherent in all phases of this process. You know that you’ll be tired and elated and nauseated and glowing and irritable and weepy and hopeful and invigorated, sometimes all within the span of five to seven minutes. There is no avoiding any of this so really, the main thing to do is make sure that you are in a completely self-centered mindset. This tenth time being pregnant is all about YOU.  To ensure that, there is a no-fail way to prepare and that is by giving yourself everything your little heart desires. Examples? I’ve got plenty of them! Invest in a comfy recliner to rest your weary bones and put up your aching feet. Splurge on a new piece of jewelry that makes you feel special and attractive. Don’t tolerate things that make you feel frustrated or unappreciated. Want to be next in line for the gas pump? Lay on your horn until the cars in front of you move. Tired of waiting in line for that (calcium heavy, decaf) drink at Starbucks? Start swinging your purse around your head like a lasso until people clear out. Have you had it with those people who just STOP IN THE MIDDLE OF TRADER JOES AND BLOCK THE ENTIRE AISLE WITH THEIR CARTS? Grip your cart handle tightly, take a few steps backwards to build up some momentum, and then RAM them out of your way with your grocery cart. In this way, you and your cart have developed a symbiotic relationship and this is extremely good practice emotionally for you as you prepare to have a bat in your cave for the tenth time.

As a review, the two we’ve discussed thus far are physical preparedness and emotional preparedness which is also sometimes known as mental preparedness. Now, sometimes it’s best to find situations where you can combine all of these areas of preparation. Let’s look at the following scenario: You and your significant other go out for a nice dinner. Maybe it’s Indian food. Maybe you order one of those nice big meals that come thali style so you got pickles and daal and rice and raita and maybe even a little bit of soup along with your entrée. That’s a lot of food, but that’s ok because soon you will have a pea in the pod for the tenth time and you need to practice eating for as many people as you can get away with.

But sometimes what happens in these situations is that you forget exactly how much food comes with those thali dishes and you decide that what you really need is an order of samosas as well. Because they’re so crisp and delicious and even though you burn the roof of your mouth on the steaming hot filling every single time no matter how often you tell yourself that THIS TIME you’re totally going to wait until they cool down a bit first, they were going to complete your meal in a way that nothing else could. But you’re not pregnant yet, so you wisely decide to hold back a samosa to take home for tomorrow because that’s just good planning and by God, if there’s one thing you’re good at, it’s planning. So, into the refrigerator it goes, happily tucked into its own little Styrofoam container, nestled down to wait for you silently until morning. You’ve even labelled the container with your name. In block letters. In Sharpie.

You go to bed dreaming not only of your upcoming tenth pregnancy but of that delicious morsel awaiting you the next day. When that new day dawns, you rise with the sun and pitter patter down the stairs. The day is filled with excitement and potential! Maybe this is the day you become pregnant for the tenth time! With a smile on your face, you pull open the refrigerator to find….your samosa is gone. GONE. Even though your NAME was on it. In SHARPIE. Now, this should never be an issue in the first place. Because, as it is written in the Commandments of All Things That Are Holy, leftovers belong to the person who ordered them until they are given with express permission to others. Furthermore, once you begin messing with leftovers that are actually LABELLED you are pretty much taking your life in your hands.

And this is where the physical readiness comes into play. As a reaction to this absolutely sickening travesty of justice, you are now able to engage in some fantastic cardiovascular activity when you stomp back upstairs and confront your significant other. Make sure to keep your core tight as your march, swinging your arms forcefully for an additional upper body workout. Each step is an opportunity to tone those quads and strengthen your hamstrings. Once you are face to face with your significant other, be sure to focus on each individual muscle group, flexing and tightening as you engage in each angry gesture. If your energy begins to flag, remember your outrage! You have been wronged! Your sacred property has been usurped by an unabashed leftover-eating rapscallion. Let the fury flow through you until you are red-faced and sweating. Let your heart rate ascend to aerobic levels, as your body becomes more efficient at absorbing and transporting oxygen throughout.

When all is said and done, one thing is abundantly clear: Getting pregnant for the tenth time is definitely not happening tonight.  

[storytimewithcort]

Will’s Got A Crush (part 1 &2)

 Hello Lovies, I wrote a Will/Colin Story cause Why the Eff not

Fandom: Ted Lasso

Summary:  Will’s got a crush, and Isaac is ultimate wingman. 

Pairing: Oh you know, Colin x Will

Warning: Alcohol, some bad flirting, but nothing really yet

A/n:  Started as a silly short drabble, but now it has 2 chapters! Please enjoy. 

also on Ao3 -  https://archiveofourown.org/works/34923553/chapters/86967319

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Part 1 (of 3)

Will was cleaning up the locker room the same as always after a game, picking up damp and musky towels and tossing in them in his cart with minimal contact. A few of the players remained, but most had left for the club in post celebratory fashion about a half hour ago. Colin, Moe, and Isaac were crowding Isaac's phone while watching a video about something....something...Will couldn't say what.

He was too busy staring at Colin's face light up with a smile at whatever it was they watched. The way his eyes crinkled made Will smile himself, his stomach filling with a fluttery nervousness.

It was a nasty little habit that started a couple weeks ago. Whenever he was around the team, his focus just drifted to Colin. Colin was fit, yea, the best ass he'd ever seen, yea, but he was also really, really kind of adorable. When he smiled it accentuated his cheekbones and the plumpness of his cheeks. And his cheeks were frequently flushed from excursion, that only added to their appeal. Sometimes Colin would pout over something someone said, his bottom lip jutting out like a child's would when they didn't get their way. He was just extremely cute as far as Will was concerned.

However, Colin was also a famous footballer. Will was just a kitman who might just get fired over his hopeless little crush.

Especially when he also drives the laundry cart directly into the side of a bench in his distraction and breaks a wheel off.

"Oh no!" Will cried as he rushed over to pick up the wheel like it was a sacred egg needing delicate protection. "Not again." Third time this week he'd done something foolish because he was distracted.

"Ok, mate?" Colin asked as all three looked over to where Will scrambled to the ground in hopes the wheel would simply pop back on.

"Oh, uh, yeah!" Will answered tripping over his own tongue.

"Cool then," Colin said, before pulling on his jacket. "best be going, Moe - still need a ride?" Moe nodded and as they were heading towards the exit, Colin hollered over his shoulder, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight..." Will called from the floor before adding just in time before Colin disappeared around the corner, "Have a good weekend Colin."

Unexpectedly Colin turned full around and beamed at Will with one of those big doofy smiles Will liked so much. "Aye you too! See you Monday."

Will felt like the sun itself just shot him with an arrow through the heart as he watched Colin leave again.

A few minutes and lots of tinkering later, Will finally fixed the wheel on the cart and happily pulled himself up to his feet. Then jumped clear out of his body at the feeling of a hand clamp onto his shoulder.

"Wha! Holy - I didn’t know you where still here Isaac!" Will yelped.

Isaac just smirked and raised an eyebrow, "I can give you his number."

"His what?" Will mumbled, was Isaac really? "No, no I don't..."

"He's single." Isaac shrugged before walking towards the door too. "And gay." Then from down the hallway he calls.

"And he thinks you're cute, proper fit."

Will just about crashes the cart again.

Part 2 

"Are you sure?" Will asked, a bit overwhelmed by how excited Zoreaux was about the idea. They stood outside Viva with a few other Richmond folk. The air was chilly as they traveled across the car park.

"Man, it's your birthday, we're going to celebrate. Twenty One!"

"Wait, you're twenty-one?" Jan asked, truly shocked, "I thought you were fourteen, maybe fifteen."

Will shrugged, "I actually get that a lot. I was trying to open a savings account last week and the banker wanted to know if it was alright with my mum."

"Poor little baby face." Jan laughed.

"Will, it's your birthday?" Colin injected. “And here I thought we finally convinced you to party with us because of our charms.”

“You have no charms, mate.” Zoreaux answered and quickly got an elbow in the side of his rips.

“Oi, I am full of charm.” Colin retorted before quickly turning to Isaac, "I'm charming, right?"

Isaac nodded, shaking his head slightly, "Yea bruv."

“Prove it then, let's see who pulls a hottie tonight.” Zoreaux’s challenge made some of the other boys holler with enthusiasm.

Colin shrugged the challenge off and turned to Will again. He smiled wide. “First drink on me Birthday Boy. Let's get this night going!”  While Colin's enthusiasm was nerve-racking, his smile was every bit of convincing Will needed in that moment.

"O-ok, let's go in."  He said softly.

The club was loud and packed. They all made it to a corner beyond the dance floor to a grouping of booths and chairs. In little time they were joking, dancing, and drinking in excess.

Will tried to pay attention to everyone equally, but the loud music and dark atmosphere made it hard to focus. So instead he plopped down next to Isaac and spent his time listening to the stories Colin told with glee. Laughing each time Isaac corrected the story, claiming Colin was embellishing the truth. Honestly, Will could listen to Colin speak endlessly.

Maybe an hour in, Will needed a breather. Isaac was too good at cheerfully encouraging another sip, another drink. Will wasn’t much of a drinker, and he was surely a bit drunk already. As he waited for the bartender to get him some water, a man came to stand next to Will and called out for a pint. The fella was tall and a bit older, but not so old his presence at the club seemed out of place. He looked over to Will and nodded a greeting. Will couldn’t help but nod back, with a small smile. The man stood up straighter at Will and smirked.

“Enjoying your night?” The man asked with a honeyed tone.

Will nodded some more, eyes squeezing shut briefly when the shake of his head made him dizzy for a moment. ”Iz good.” He finally answered.

Will’s sloppy speech didn’t seem to make the man uncomfortable, in fact, the man laughed softly and took a small step closer to Will. Then he looked back over to the bartender and hollered with a grimace. "Hey, we don't have all night here!"  When he turned back to face Will he was smiling again, as if his previous comment never happened. "The service here is shit."

"I don't think I've seen you here before. I would have remembered." He spoke again, all while tapping his fingers on the bar top.

"I just came with some friends. I'm not usually the, the uh, club type." Will said, impressed by his ability to complete full sentences despite his alcohol soaked mind.

"Lucky friends." The man said before waving his hands around towards the bartender, who was at the other end of the bar making some mixed drinks for what looked like a stag party.

"One minute," the bartender called. The man made a huff of anger, but Will heard instead another voice close to his ear. The sound was more intoxicated than anything he could possibly drink.

"Let me get you away from this prick." and Will could swear he heard a smile in Colin’s voice.

Will’s mind repeated, “Holy Shit, his voice” for a long time as he followed Colin’s lead toward the bathrooms. Once they were both in a more secluded area of the club and well out of earshot of the man who was still heckling the bartender, Colin turned to look at Will.

“Mate, what are you doing letting that jerk-off flirt with you?” Colin asked and Will cocked his head to the side.

“Nah, he wasn’t…”

“Are you blind? He was not only a royal twat, but totally into you. I won’t stop you, if that's the kind of thing you're into.” He paused and the smile faded from his face. Will felt like the weight of the frown forming on Colin’s face was forcing him to frown as well. “I don’t...well, Richmond folks look out for each other, and I think it’s worth pointing out - you deserve a lot better than a jerk. And I would know...” Now he was looking down at the ground. Was it the alcohol or was Will really witnessing the least sunshiny version of Colin. He suddenly desperately wanted his goofy Colin back. Willing to do quite anything to make it happen. Then Colin spoke again and Will’s heart broke.

“I used to be quite the jerk myself.”

Will couldn’t explain the rush of feeling that overcame him in that moment, but he acted on impulse. Letting the sudden fire rushing his veins out.

“No!” he certainly yelled in Colin’s face.

Colin’s wide eyes looked up and met Will’s. “No, I was, before you came around I was a terrible person. Ask Nate, or don’t since he’s dead to us now.”

“No!” Will yelled again, “No! Maybe you did some thoughtless things, but I refuse!” he was all too aware he was getting extremely loud, but couldn’t stop himself. “I refuse to see you as anything but an amazing, kind, clever, and goofy person! You better accept that!”

Colin looked at him like he was insane, Will was sure of it. The fire inside him burned out all at once and he felt very embarrassed for yelling at the very person he had a giant crush on. “Sorry for yelling.” Then he turned towards the exit. “I should go.” He mumbled.

He took a few steps when he heard the call, “Wait up!”

Then Colin was walking with him. “You’ve been drinking, like a lot. Shouldn’t go home alone, you know? Safely in numbers and all that” Will was relieved to see that although Colin had a look in his eyes Will couldn’t place and a red tint to his cheeks, at least he was smiling again. That was good enough for now.

“Let me walk you home Birthday Boy, Yea?”

“Ok, yea. That sounds nice.”

Isaac watched the pair leave with a large smirk on his face. Glad he pushed Colin out of the booth a bit ago with the prompt, “Go check on Will, I think that geezer is hitting on him.” It was too easy. At this rate, he better start planning the wedding.

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<3