#ok. lovers soul. we persist.

[livvyofthelake]

i could be saying some major hater shit about this damn fanfiction rn but i decided to have the buddha nature and chill out so. you will not see me complaining anymore. well that’s not a promise there’s still a ways to go it could be so over again and then well i’ll just need to bitch about it. but i decided to have a lovers soul for the moment <3 i wonder if any of these characters are gonna die anymore a la finnick. it doesn’t seem like it tbh because everyone’s getting coupled up (🙄) and this author clearly doesn’t have it in them to kill off half a couple. which is lame but like i said. lovers soul.

[dark-and-kawaii]

ok HEAR ME OUT your last raphael fic was magnificent and got me..thinking of things🫣 imagine him taking tav with him to the HoH after impregnating (if he hasn’t yet before), to always keep an eye on her progress and to f her whenever he pleases of course, worshipping her body like she’s a goddess as she grows

I may have gotten carried away with this, but I really enjoy Raphael and this request had me cooking for a while. It got dark near the end but we gotta remember this is still Raphael bahaha!!! Thank you for the love and support 🫶 I really hope you like this anon

Raphael - Pregnancy - Possessiveness - Death - Protectiveness - NSFW

Raphael’s world was turned upside down when he discovered that you were carrying his child- an heir that awakened an intense sense of ownership within him. Should anything happen to his child or you he’d rip every soul from every last being once he claimed the nine Hells. Consumed by these feelings, he had made the decision to bring you back to Hell with him, driven by a need to keep a watchful eye on your pregnancy's progress.

With each curve of your growing form, Raphael is both enraptured and possessively drawn to you. He admires your pregnant beauty as if you were a goddess, your radiance captivating and enthralling him. Unyielding desires surge through his veins, fueled by a hunger for power and utter control. Raphael sees your pregnancy as the ultimate manifestation of yours and his union, a divine creation meant to bring forth an heir worthy of his wicked legacy.

Walking through his House of Hope, Raphael's lustful needs called for fulfillment, and it was you he would seek out… Bypassing his personal incubus, Haarlep. Perhaps he’d come back to the fool once his child came to be in this world… As for now though, Raphael only wished to devour you whole and to watch you come undone on his cock once more while his hands rested on the swell of your stomach.

Your moans and pleasurable screams could be heard throughout the boudoir and into the grand hall of Raphael’s domain. He savored the way your voice grew louder, quivering as you urged him on, the rhythmic thumping of his bed against the wall getting faster as you bounced on his cock vigorously. His name slipping from your lips while you cum on his pretty cock for the third time that night.

“Always so eager to please me, rest now little mouse. You deserve it after such a riveting performance.”

With your head now rested on Raphael’s chest, your body coated in sweat as you slept soundly… He glides the tip of his fingers down your exposed flesh as Haarlep watches their master display a rare form of affection.

Haarlep, driven by their own carnal desires, could not comprehend the depth of Raphael's love for you. For you were only supposed to be tool for him to use. Has his master grown soft? Mocking and taunting, Haarlep belittles Raphael's affections for you, “A once lost thief in the night now held tight by the devil himself as if she were some precious treasure. How-“.

Raphael scrunched his nose with stern disapproval, he had enough of Haarlep’s impish behavior and warns his incubus, “If you aren’t careful dear pet you may find yourself hanging in the basement with our dear friend, Hope.” The devil made it abundantly clear that his love for you was to be respected and not ridiculed… Haarlep stayed silent, their tail resting on your leg- a sign that they know their place and will do their best to keep their masters lover safe when not around.

A deep laugh emanated from Raphael’s chest, “Good. I’m delighted that you’ve found sense again, I was worried there for a moment.”

Though as time went by Haarlep's mockery persisted, but Raphael's unwavering love for you remained true as your pregnancy progressed. He refused to let anyone, not even Haarlep, cast doubt on his devotion. With a immoral determination to protect you his beloved, and his unborn child; Raphael defended you against the jeers and taunts of Haarlep, showing that his feelings were not to be trifled with...

One morning you awoke to a strange coldness… Both Haarlep and Raphael were usually entwined with you each and every time you awoke… Yet, “Raphael,” you call out to him, nudging him attempting to wake him, “where is Haarlep?” The devil pulls you into him best he can without putting pressure on your stomach, his wings enveloping you, “You’ll be leaving with Korilla in an hour to Baldurs Gate. Make haste and get ready, you don’t want to keep her waiting.” You could hear the grin in his voice, “I expect a visit from my dear father, Mephistopheles and I rather you not be present when he shows.”

A chill runs through you with every word your fiendish lover speaks… Raphael wickedly confessing to you that he has taken the life of his incubus, no remorse or regret evident.

[mexipoopy]

On Repeat - OC Tag Stuff

I was tagged by @acidheaddd to do this and AH thank you I've been mulling over this A LOT and it really made me think hard on my OCs and their stories. Credits to @elderwisp(a cool guy) for the idea.

OK! Onto the LORE

Ai [FSU -BigKlit]

1 shot, 2 shot, 3 shot, 4 Fuck it up, I wanna see the bodies hit the floor 5 shot, 6 shot, 7 shot, 8 We don't give a fuck, we burning down the whole place Fuck shit up, I wanna fuck shit up, I wanna fuck shit up

Rage, rage, rage. That's definitely a word to describe this guy. Ai is very aggressive due to good old trauma~* but despite his violent tendencies he's full of highly energized spite and fun, so this song encapsulates his personality pretty accurately with its fast pace and aggressive lyrics. A fist with a bright shining smile to accompany it.

Marisol [Holy Weather -Civil Twilight]

It’s not too late to go home Passion is this weight on my shoulders So why did you follow me into this den When all the bluest stars paint your name In a sky of black You must go back

Are you lost little soul? Marisol is a bit of a wanderer, who lets her curiosity dictate her actions. But where that curiosity leads her is full of a darkness that beckons her soul to light her path. She is constantly told to turn back by many colorful characters, despite this, she persists. There is a particular entity who crosses paths with her soul and is unable to escape her tenacity. This song with its regretful lyrics and soft instrumentals, parallel the dynamic of her affect on those around her especially the one that holds her soul closest to theirs and the consequences that happen because of it.

Isaiah [Daydreaming -Radiohead]

Beyond the point Of no return Of no return Then it's too late The damage is done The damage is done This goes Beyond me Beyond you

Liminal. Inhuman. Existence. Isaiah, if that is his true identity, is an individual full of whimsical mysteries and questions. What happens when a person dies, and who will lead us into the afterlife? Will the reaper come to aid us in our desperate confusion upon our passing? Where will you go? This song, compels the listener to wander and be lured by its ethereal instrumentals and the darkness that looms around it, much like how the darkness and uncertainty of death lingers among the living.

Jasper [You Don't Own Me -Tamino]

You may keep me hеre You seem to know just how To pin me to the ground Each timе you come around Take away my home Obscuring what I am And plague me all night long And lay claim to freedom's song

What good is greed if you don't possess yourself? Even the strongest can fall folly to abusive, parasitic relationships. Jasper, even in his conception was never meant to enjoy the freedom of individuality. Being a prisoner inside his own body and shackled by family ties and a predatory lover that only wishes to possess him, his autonomy is never of his own volition. Still, his soul persists, fighting and gnashing at every opportunity to break free from those that hold him captive. This song is one of rebelling to that which wants to possess and control you, which bears a haunting resemblance to Jasper's own struggles.

Anabelle [Do You Feel Real -Sevdaliza]

I thought I'd heal from you Or you'd escaped from me Maybe I'm too scared to forget you I just can't remember how it feels like to function without Absorbed in total free fall It's a waste of time It's not that serious

My void is one that comforts and cures a loneliness that it causes. What do you do when the only thing that comforts you is the presence of evil? When that is all that you are used to? Anabelle was born spreading death and misery wherever she went. But why? Is it the shadow that follows her and protects her as everything else withers away? Accompanied by low and drawn out instrumentals, the lyrics of this song perpetuate a relationship that is parasitic and addictive in nature, one that you thought you overcame but it persists. Anabelle craves love from the living and dreads the darkness that lingers and keeps her isolated. Still, she is plagued by her need to have it close or else her loneliness will destroy her.

Ira [Daisy -Brand New]

I'm a mountain that has been moved I'm a river that is all dried up I'm an ocean nothing floats on I'm a sky that nothing wants to fly in I'm a sun that doesn't burn hot I'm a moon that never shows its face I'm a mouth that doesn't smile I'm a word that no one ever wants to say

I am nothing. I crave to become everything. Ira is an anomaly. He exists but in a plane that no living creature can exist, all he knows, he knows from a dream that connects to his. She is beautiful, living, while he is nothing. Envy feeds his hunger, but nothing ever happens. HE shouldn't exist, yet he does. A paradox, much like the message of this song. The dream persists and reminds him that he should exist. But why is he here and not there? Maybe she can help him become real, and not a dream.

_________________________________

AND that's it for that lol! I have way more characters that I have music for (but i don't have official finalized sim versions of them) so i just included these guys for now, I could include my Envidia story characters but i felt like this post is pretty long as it is sajkfa my bad. LOL all my song choices are existential/depressing save for Ai, because he's built different lol.

[g0lden-diety]

I know we’ve seen Hawks with an s/o who loves to give head more than get but… how about Fatgum, Aizawa, or Present Mic with that same type of s/o? 👀

pre-existing relationship ofc!

Mic, Aizawa, and Fatgum w/ an S/o that likes to give head more than get

𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐚 𝐀𝐢𝐳𝐚𝐰𝐚 (𝐄𝐫𝐚𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝)

Ok so, starting off with our favorite sleepy man, he actually enjoys this

Usually he's super tired from dealing with his problem children + patrol all day

It's not like he's lazy or anything, it's just that you know how exhausted he is, so you just decide to give him that ole sloop slop gawk gawk soul sucker 3000 deluxe supreme

So there his is, with his hair down, him watching you with his bottom lip tucked in between his teeth, his head tilted to the side lazily as his hand was placed on your head

“That’s my slutty little kitten, so fuckin’ good for me,”

Aizawa’s deep grunts and low groans escaped as he glanced down at you, mascara running and lip gloss smeared as you gagged around his throbbing dick.

“That’s my slutty little kitten, so fuckin’ good for me,” the dark-haired man cooed as his grip on your hair persisted, sliding you up and down, his eyes rolling back as you took him down your throat, a low groan escaping.

You moaned around him, sending a vibration through his body, making him growl and face-fuck you more intently, pushing your head all the way down to his balls.

“So good to me, so good for me, yeah? Fuck,” he groaned, feeling himself close to climax. Was he gonna let you go anywhere? He'll no. He watched as you slobbered, spit with that cute little slutty look on your face.

He planned to fuck the slut out of you later.

𝐇𝐢𝐳𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐘𝐚𝐦𝐚𝐝𝐚 (𝐏𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐌𝐢𝐜)

Ok, so as an all around lover, Hizashi’s like-THE ABSOLUTE BEST

He cooks, puts together playlists that reminds him of you, sings for you, all that mushy cute stuff

All-around sunshiney guy

But when y'all get in that bedroom? OhohohoHO sweetheart who are you and what have you done with Mic?

I have a personal headcannon that Present Mic has heterochromia, so one eye is red and the other is green, he just has to wear the green contact, so he's watching u give him good ole sucky sucky and his eyes are just darkened and *Nicki Minaj voice* when he give you that look👀, then the panties comin’ off

Definitely has a playlist for this

He won't degrade you

I would imagine y'all are in the shower, his hair down and stuck to him, courtesy of the hot shower water, his head pressing against the stem-ridden tiles

“Jesus Christ...” the blond’s eyes squeezed shut as his mouth formed a smirk, watching you, his lover on your knees with cum spilling out of your mouth.

“C’mon honey, don't tell me you're giving up so quick,” he spoke, you gagging on his dick in response, making him laugh.

“Oops, forgot, you gotta earn the privilege to speak, darling,” he spoke as a switch went off in your brain. You were gonna earn that right, so why not suck the soul out of him?

Your hand soft massaged his balls as you looked him in the eyes, your tongue swirling and suckling around his tip, making him let out a shaky breath.

Suddenly, you began to deepthroat him, causing Hizashi to let out one of the hottest sounds you had ever heard from him. His hair hung in front of his face as his breaths began go quicken, them quickly turning into moans as he roughly gripped your hair, holding you in place as he thrust into your mouth, your swirling your tongue around him until his load flowed down your throat.

He came down from his climax, pulling you into a hug.

“Jeez, babe. You almost killed me there! Man, that was...I felt like I was about to go crazy! Ididn't hurt you too bad, did I? Is your neck ok? Is your head ok? Is your throat ok? I can make you tea when we get out! I can sing-”

“Zashi, it's ok. Besides, I like making you go crazy,” you purred as he chuckled, wrapped you in a warm hug, grabbing the shampoo and beginning to wash your hair.

𝐓𝐚𝐢𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐨 𝐓𝐨𝐲𝐨𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐬𝐮 (𝐅𝐚𝐭𝐠𝐮𝐦)

SO LETS NOT SIT HERE AND ACT LIKE FATGUM ISNT THE MOST PACKING PRO HERO

Like he's big, and he knows he's big too, so he won't force you to take anymore than what you're comfortable with

Such a sweetheart🥺

Like Zashi, he won't degrade you, he’ll praise you instead

Always wants to make sure you’re ok

Gentle dom

“Are you sure, sweetheart? We can stop right here if you're not comfortable,”

Wanna somewhat top him? Lick a stripe on the underside of his dick while jerking him off

HOTTEST GROAN EVER LIKE PLS

Will definitely let out a small “shit” if u do that

“Are you sure, sweetheart? We can stop right here if you're not comfortable,” you nodded as you fiddled with Taishiro’s belt buckle.

“It’s fine, Taish. I can do it,” you said, his thick dick standing as attention, already leaking with pre. You softly wrapped your hand around the shaft, stroking up and down before licking the underside.

“Shit, sweetheart,” Taishiro groaned, his head falling back as you wrapped your lips around the tip, suckling. You then wrapped your mouth around, bobbing your head up and down, only to take about 1/2 of his dick.

“Oh, God, sweetheart, you're so beautiful like this, God you're perfect,” Taishiro groaned, running a hand through his blond locks, his face flushed as you looked up into his eyes, putting on that innocent puppy-eye facade.

You moaned around his dick, shivers going up his spine as you placed both hands on his thighs, willing yourself to take his dick even deeper. He moved your hair out of the way as he moaned loudly, praising you for doing him so good.

“Oh jeez, Y/n, honey, baby, I'm gonna cu-” his sentence was cut short with a gasp, you instantly removing your mouth and looking up at him, sticking your tongue out. He stroked his dick, faster and faster before cum spurt out in your tongue and across your face.

He sat back, breathing heavily as you swallowed happily. He looked at you, filled with such love and admiration, he pulled you in, connecting his lips with yours in a soft, sweet, passionate kiss.

“Here’s a towel, for your beautiful face,” he planted a kiss on your forehead as you wiped the cum of your eyes and you were pulled into a hug.

“Whaddya say, sugar? I run us a bubble bath, and then we can bake cookies, yeah?” he asked as you smiled softly, nodding happily and kissing his cheek.

“I’d like that,” you replied.

[roll-da-credits]

Characters from JJK I think would be toxic as a lover Characters: it's a secret <3

Hi there! so yeah.. I'm bored I'm planning on doing this for all the fandoms I write for SO DON'T THINK YOU'RE SAFE, also just because they're toxic doesn't mean you're not allowed to still like them. I'm a victim of the, "so many red flags, good thing my favorite color is red," mentality as much as some of you are. Also, some of these are just, minor-ish red flags? They're not THAT bad (I mean depending on your pov on what's bad or not), they're just things that would irk me. (FYI this is pretty long haha)

Mahito

Starting it strong with the walking red flag himself, if murder, mutilation, and the smell of a sewer don't turn you off I wouldn't know what will.

All jokes aside, if we're being honest, Mahito isn't someone who's really capable of liking the feeling 'love' sure he might feel it to very specific people. But he's more into the feeling of excitement like we saw in the fight with Yuji and Nanami, he loves excitement and the thrill it brings.

Not to mention, he loves experimenting, he loves to see what he can do to other people. He might manipulate you, touch your soul, hurt you, and so much more.

Unless you're someone who can almost always give him something new, give him a thrill, and do all that whilst still being able to get used to all of his 'quirks' then he might love you. But he'd love you for the thrill, not for the passion/romance.

Satoru Gojo

The only reason I'm calling this man toxic is that it is canon he doesn't like getting attached to things. I mean (manga spoiler) you see what happened to Geto, he doesn't want to feel that way ever again and he doesn't want anyone he loves to feel that way.

So if he ever slips up and actually falls in love, he'll try his best to avoid every single hint of it. Or if you're persistent enough, he'll definitely be the type to hurt you (emotionally) so you would leave him.

He just can't think about you dying or him dying and leaving you alone. It hurts him too much to think about, so he would rather never having someone he truly loves than having to go through that.

The only way I can see him truly love someone is if he knows 1. the world is safe for both of them 2. his lover is equally extremely strong as he is Other than that I can't see him not avoiding every single hint of romance he feels for someone.

(despite that I am still a WHORE for this man)

Ryoumen Sukuna

COME ON DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN THIS????

I'm a DAMN WHORE for the, I'll kill the entire world for you, trope or the terrible to everyone but you, trope. BUT LET'S BE HONEST HERE.

HOW COMMON IS IT FOR IT TO HAPPEN IN REAL LIFE??!!

9/10 the people who think they'd be that for Sukuna ends up just being used and then thrown to the side when he's bored. He's the King of Curses, he expects and demands the best of the best. Someone who will keep him entertained and someone who will stay devoted to him NO MATTER WHAT HE DOES

Toji Fushiguro

WHY IS THERE NO GIFS FOR THIS MAN (is it because he's not in the anime yet????)

Anyways,

Toji is the best example of someone who's priorities is one person, and one person only. Megumi's mom.

Thus because of that, if you were to be his lover it would only be because of one out of three things.

1. You're part of a mission and he's doing it for money 2. He's bored and he sees you as an easy piece or just honestly wants sex 3. You remind him of Megumi's mom, and because of that you'll never be YOU, he'll view you as someone else

Unless you're ok with the 3rd one, you're not getting a fulfilling relationship with this man.

(ONCE AGAIN DESPITE THAT I AM STILL A WHORE FOR HIM)

ps I still have 1 more people but I feel like they're really really personal AHAHAHAHA, so I'm not going to put them here. Runner ups go to Nanami with his workaholic habits that may make you feel neglected, Todo because of his obsession with people's types of women that COULD (I'm not saying it is) be a form of objectifying for people.

That's it rly... <3 don't hurt me <3

[reflectionsofneptune]

little things about the Mars Signs

18+ 

little, dreamy things I associate with sex and the Mars signs in Astrology. 

Aries Mars

Rawness. A strong grip. Tugging a lock of hair when it gets too much. A thin line between pain and pleasure. Nails scratching down a back because of frustration. A build up. Taunts. Deliberately causing arguments because make-up sex with you feels so good. Will you take the bait? Sex feeling new each time. A fast rhythm. Confidence. Advancing towards you. Feeling protective over you. An urge to KO anyone who looks at you for more than 2 seconds. Warrior urges instigated. Persistence got me this far in life, let me show you how it works for me.

Taurus Mars

Pressure. A slow burning warmth that licks up the body. We have all the time in the world.  Every part of the body exposed to a kiss, a touch, a breath of air. Flickering of orange flames in a fireplace. A feeling of pure, unabashed sensuality when naked. Coolness of air which brushes the hairs on the back of the neck. Rooted in sexual energy. Slow and steady wins the race. Scented massages. Starting at the base of the neck. Feeling strength. Resilience. Flavoured condoms. Drunk on your love. How is it possible you taste sweeter every time? The smooth column of the throat. The shadows a sunset causes dancing. Seduction is like art to me, let me paint you a masterpiece. 

Gemini Mars

Curiosity. Curiosity killed the cat, but the cat had nine lives. Opening up to try different things. Trying to do too many things at once. Falling on the floor so we stay there. A combination of arms and legs. Head cocked to one side. Observing you from a different angle. Slanted eyes. A feeling of pressure that’s quick but growing in acuteness. Busy hands. Roaming fingers. Lights on or off it doesn’t matter. I can still picture you. In my mind. With my eyes closed. You’re a permanent imprint on my psyche. My desire resides on the mental plane. Whispering all the things I want to do to you. Biting an ear lobe. Wanting to learn about every inch of your body. Tell me your fantasies and watch how fast I bring it to you in real time.

Cancer Mars

Baby. But I can take control. It depends how I feel. An emotionally charged touch. Hearts in sync. A vivid imagination. Role-playing. Wearing that outfit I know has that effect on you. Playing coy. If I’m feeling sad, I might insist we stay wrapped in each other’s arms, just for a while. Is that OK? A stormy kind of desire. Waking up to kisses. Not wanting to sleep because this moment is all I ever dreamed of. This feels like home. Checking in with you. A sensitive kind of love. Hold me tight. So tight I can’t breathe. Only then will it feel right. TLC. Crying before, during and after sex. I can’t help it. A sudden wave of desire, greedy in nature. Strong feelings of lust. My fervour for you is bottomless, this is but a small representation of its total expression.

Leo Mars

Doing it in the mirror so I can show you how beautiful you look. Don’t be shy. Rose petals on the bed. Even more rose petals on the floor. I wanna perform for you. An effortless performance, start to finish. This is what you signed up for. Let me deliver my end of the deal. Pride in the bedroom. Forgetting about past lovers. At the moment of release, saying my name soothes the lion inside that bares it’s teeth when you’re underneath me. Aggression. Feeling royal together. Round one barely took the edge off. Leaving my mark on you. The bedroom feels like a hunting ground. Running isn’t an option. Pleasure in all its forms. Can you tame the beast?

Virgo Mars

Acting reserved in public but it’s a different story behind closed doors. Who knew? Not afraid to get dirty with you. Voyuerism. Less stress. Surrendering to pleasure and not feeling guilty for it. Peace with the imperfection of this ritual. Perfection out of the window. Lust making a direct entrance, front and centre. Tasting you. And then kissing you. Tasting us. Fresh sheets. Getting equally turned on watching you get dressed vs watching you get undressed. When we’re done, cleaning you as an act of service. Submission. A routine that brings order to a chaotic life. If I tell you how crucial this is to my well-being, will you look down on me?

Libra Mars

Fluid. Fluidity in our movements. You first, then me. Close your eyes if you like. There’s no rush. I like being here with you. Who said romance was dead? Wants and desires expressed with you in mind. Sleepy sex. In the throes of passion, you still look like a masterpiece. Can’t get enough. Delicate petals of a rose. Instinctively knowing how to get you off. Licking my lips. And then licking you down there. Playing with you with finesse. How does this feel? Dressing up, just for you. A breathy sigh released in the crook of the neck. Scented candles. Not knowing where each other begins and ends. Not caring. A true union of souls. Sharing this helps me to forget about inner turmoil, if only for a little while.

Scorpio Mars

Enticement. Pupils full and unblinking. Space between us lasts for a second. Who are we kidding? Sharing oxygen. Sucking on your bottom lip. Eyes on me. That’s not a request. Wanting to watch you fall apart. A wet trail left by a tongue. Those kind of toys. Do you trust me? Show me how much. Fingers pressed into the skin, hard. A ghostly handprint flashes on the surface of the skin for a heartbeat. Teeth tease the throb of a pulse point. Blood rushing. Be brave enough to discover the intensity of my feelings and be sucked under. Only to rise up in levels in consciousness on a spiritual plane. Love is transformational. I’m willing to show you what you do to me. Don’t run.

Sagittarius Mars

Free rein. Sex with the possibility of being exposed. Down for whatever. Bluntness. Desires expressed with no shame. A finger over the lips. Playing to win. Feeling energised when rolling around the sheets. Nothing is off limits. Fantasies coming true. No strings attached. Watch me do you. Laughter as foreplay. Relax with me. You may have tried this position before but with me it’s different. Let’s get physical. A work out. Kissing you to muffle your screams. Messy hair. Messy sheets. How did this end up in the bed? Mundane details of life losing their importance when we’re together. Feeling the strength coursing through the thighs. I would risk getting caught with you.

Capricorn Mars

A hand on your waist in public, a hand on your throat in secret. Trust me, it feels better when you wait. Limits pushed. Burning up. Debauchery. I won’t tell. It’s our little secret. Experience is a turn on. Standards are a turn on. A sense of control. Mastery. I know this game in and out. Sex is all about power at the end of the day. Soft bristles of a whip, barely brushing the spine. I know how to do this with my eyes closed. How do you feel about blindfolds? Vulnerability. Replaying these moments we share in inappropriate places. Seductive e-mails. Legs pressed tightly together. Having power over you is an accolade I hold close to my heart, not something I take for granted.

Aquarius Mars

Electric. Electricity when our fingers touch. Permission to be one’s free, authentic self. A non-judgement zone. Non-physical forms of affection. I’m open to trying something new with you. Inviting other people into the picture but only you can make me feel this way. Incorporating technology to add a new flavour. Feeling closer to you in group sex. Conversations intermingling within the very act of sex. Noses brushing against each other faintly. Deep eye-contact feels orgasmic. Hearing soft vibrations in the air before you feel it. Swirling galaxies. My thoughts are consumed by you nowadays, but I’m OK with that.

Pisces Mars

Altered states of consciousness. The bliss that comes when feeling wholly accepted. Complete adoration. Eyes locked. A desire to merge together. Skinny-dipping under the cloak of the night. Who cares if we get caught. No restrictions. A transcendent experience. Artistic nudes. A photo album on my phone. Dedicated to you. Boundaries teased. Biting my lip to control myself but failing. Kisses on the forehead. Reverence. I can morph into whoever you want me to. Kissing you, but my eyes are open. Moments of silence. Desires expressed without words. The sweetest dreams. Every time feels like a little death, only to be reborn again.  

| little thoughts about the mercury placements

| little thoughts about the venus placements

| little thoughts about the saturn placements

[beromanced]

Fluffy request here! Demon bros dealing with a blanket hog MC?

dudes im so mad i started writing this and then my laptop was like *BING* UNEXPECTED UPDATE!!!! and i lost my shit but das ok we rebuild.. we begin anew

this shit is going under the cut bc i know i have no self control. also no proofreading bc i have no patience and hate reading whatever bs i write so GODSPEED

warnings: some spice like not a lot but some. mostly just unadulterated fluff hehe~

❥  ◞   𝐿𝑈𝐶𝐼𝐹𝐸𝑅   ☇

originally, the idea of sharing his bed with someone so frequently that it became routine was not something that the first born was eager to take part in. he had implemented a one sleepover a week rule that although you felt was a bit strict, still followed because in your mind it was better than nothing

it was nights that he’d arrive back to the house of lamentation rather late and find you waiting for him curled up in his large desk chair that lucifer began to appreciate this prior inconvenience. the ache in his bones from his tiring day would melt away upon seeing you donned in the silk pajamas he’d bought for you specifically for your shared nights together. he had never seen a sight so precious

a lover that is quick to pick up on your habits of all kinds, lucifer began to notice how you would search for warmth regardless of how much heat he emitted or what the thermostat was set on. waking in the middle of the night to see his own form without blanket, only to gaze over to ensure you were okay to find that all that he was missing was clumped up around you in some makeshift cocoon.

at first it was agitating to the demon and he’d unwind whatever tangle you’d created to force himself into the funnel of heat you’d created with your selfishness.

after these first few times though lucifer began preparing for such a catastrophic event (to his sleep at least) by going out to boil, toil, and the beyond and purchasing as many plush blankets/comforters until he saw there was no way you could hog every last one of them

you had arrived to his room one evening for your weekly sleepover to find him already lounging, waiting for you on his bed, with various throws scattered about and an expectant look on his face.

“take your pick for tonight, i surely bought enough that you won’t be taking on a trait of our dear mammon anymore? i’d hate to punish you the way i do him when he steals from me, darling.”

❥  ◞    𝑀𝐴𝑀𝑀𝑂𝑁    ☇

he had picked up on this habit of yours before anyone else for a couple of reasons. one being that as your first man, he had special privileges of cuddling with you before anyone else and whenever he wished to do so. the other the fact that as the avatar of greed, mammon could spot a greedy little thing from a mile away

and that’s just what you were. at least, in your sleep. mammon attributed it to some long drawn out fantasy and scheme that in truth made no sense. but if it made sense to him, that’s all that mattered right?

it went along the lines of how your subconscious wanted him so badly that your own personality and mannerisms shifted to appeal to his or match him. ah yes, that must be it! this puny human wanted the GREAT mammon so badly, they had to reform their own personality for his..

he wouldn’t dare tell a soul of this though for fear of being laughed at and he was already teased enough for how his cheeks would bloom in roseate anytime you caressed his head to your chest during a good, solid cuddle

and though this custom of yours was a minor road bump mammon didn’t allow it to deter him from being in your personal space as often as possible, even as you both slept. 

he would feel you tug on the blankets in your sleep and he’d simply pull right back until he inevitably lost that fight because if he had learned anything, you were persistent and didn’t give up. even in slumber.

so he’d let you win, body shifted to lay on his side so that he may look at you without any obstruction and smile in hidden adoration at how cozy you looked like this. and it was then that mammon decided he’d go cold every night if it meant seeing you so peaceful.

though, in the mornings he would cough out something along the lines of “ya damn fool. thinking you can deprive THE mammon of his blankets? next time i won’t allow it.. so ya better be grateful!”

❥  ◞     𝐿𝐸𝑉𝐼𝐴𝑇𝐻𝐴𝑁   ☇

being as shy as he is it was very rare that you ever slept over to begin with, the only exceptions being when you were over for a marathon of TSL or some new game he had preordered. your marathon ending with you passed out somewhere in his room

it varied often. from you slumped against his shoulder and levi too flustered to wake or move you so thats how you both would sit until you woke. or if you’d managed to get more comfortable you’d lie with your head propped against his thigh and it would leave the third born reeling with thoughts of how soft your thighs must be and how they’d feel if he ever pressed his face into the expanse of the flesh. 

he had begun to pick up on this habit of how you’d pull the blankets right up to your chin each time you fell asleep in his vicinity and he’d think nothing of it at first. but then the realization dawned upon him that maybe you were so cold from his cold blooded nature.

even worse though was how when he did eventually fall asleep next to you, somehow, you refused to share any of the covers you had collected in your ventures of staying in his room and hey! he wanted to be just as warm too!

he sits for a solid ten minutes contemplating if he even has the courage to touch you, or better yet, if he deserves to do such a special thing. it’s not until he’s shivering with his teeth clacking together that you wake from the sound to look at him with something he could only describe as the cutest thing he’s ever seen

your hair is mussed, brows knit together and eyes barely able to stay open as your confusion only makes you even more adorable. “leviachan?” even in this sleepy state you managed to use the nickname for him that always made his insides feel like honey. his eyes softened at that and he can’t help hope that the lightless room hides the blush rising on his cheeks and nose. 

“what’s wrong? did you have a bad dream? IS RURI CHAN OKAY?” you blurt out all sorts of questions, the last making you sit up a little with wide eyes. oh, it’s then he knows that he’s never been more in love with anyone or anything. his shoulder would lift in a little shrug, feeling bashful. “you stole all my blankets and im cold...”

immediately you unfurl your arms and fling the blanket over his shoulder all while reaching and drawing him to cuddle. your face presses to his chest and levi freezes for a few moments before relaxing and wrapping his body around yours and knocking out for at least 12 hours.

❥  ◞     𝑆𝐴𝑇𝐴𝑁   ☇

for some reason i imagine satan to be a deep sleeper, probably because of all the reading he does? bc you know that saying of how reading before bed is good for you it helps you sleep or what da hell EVER

so i could see it taking forever for him to even realize you do this whole thing because once he’s out, he is OUT, you know?

the only reason he did notice is one evening you had gone to bed earlier than him, having had a long day after being dragged around town by both mammon and asmo for various shopping needs. 

so as soon as you had knocked at satan’s door with your shoulders drooping, eyes struggling to stay open but that ever present smile reserved for satan only, he couldn’t help but usher you inside and even went as far as to lift you up onto his bed

his hands had lingered a moment or two on your hips while you kicked your shoes off and it was a miracle that he had turned away before you looked up and noticed the blush creeping up his neck

when he eventually decided to join you in bed he found you with every blanket he had on his bed wound around your frame. and at first it made satan coo internally, eyes going soft like pools of honey and fingers itching to brush away the few strands of hair tickling at your nose (which he eventually did) 

climbing in, he attempted to pull some of the blankets over for himself to find you fighting back. even grunting quietly in your sleep like an animal being protective over some piece of territory.

satan figured that maybe he should start hiding himself a blanket for more of these instances because there was no way he was getting it back from you. 

he still managed to huddle up next to you though and when you woke next you found him on his back, head turned with his nose pressed against your shoulder and arms folded. you’d meant to ask why he did that but forgot. in truth, he had figured if he wanted to keep his neediness at bay he would have to keep his hands to himself and thus settled in a position with arms folded across his chest. the minuscule touch of his face to your shoulder would just have to be enough

❥  ◞     𝐴𝑆𝑀𝑂𝐷𝐸𝑈𝑆   ☇

honestly i could see asmo being the WORST about this out of all the brothers. but hear me out alright it’s not for bad reasons or anything because like mammon, he’s needy. just maybe not in the exact same ways

sleepovers had always been a normal thing for you two for as long as you could remember. well. at least after you had made it clear that these sleepovers would be not filled with attempts from asmo for something besides cuddling in the bed while you both slept

he was quick to pick up on things as he’s an attentive person and he’s always keen to remind you that he’s just as an attentive lover. 

you had fallen asleep before him this one specific time, asmo having taken forever to do his skincare routine and you far too exhausted to sit up and wait for him. so you had rolled around into a human burrito with all of his plush blankies until there was none left for the avatar of lust.

he came back and started cooing at you immediately, but unlike satan, he did this aloud. because just how could he keep these bubbling thoughts inside his mind, his mouth when you looked this adorable! after taking a few pictures of you in this state and posting them to devilgram with cute little lovey captions (that no doubt mammon was losing his got damn mind over) he had climbed into bed with you

and of course, asmo was a CUDDLER. the skin to skin contact, the intimacy of being allowed to see someone so vulnerable in their sleeping state, the pillowtalk. how could he not love it? but with you it was all the more special and he couldn’t exactly place his finger on it but there was always time to dwell on that.

he had attempted to pull you out of your cocoon and when you began to resist is when he began getting annoyed. huffs of air blowing his bangs from his forehead, head tilting as he would go in for another try, even the occasional, “my love, how could you deny me the greatest pleasure?”

eventually all his tugging woke you and with a furrowed brow upon seeing him in such a disgruntled state, the confusion turned into concern before it was washed away with his simple explanation.

“well asmo, if you wanted me so badly all you had to do was say it!” you hit him with one of his own lines, a coy grin on your lips while he couldn’t help but feel something swell in his chest and a boiling begin to churn in his gut because oh, how ever did he want you.

❥  ◞     𝐵𝐸𝐸𝐿𝑍𝐸𝐵𝑈𝐵   ☇

literally the most unfazed of them all and i mean this. it wasn’t unusual to find you cuddling or sleeping with beel out of all the brothers, and in your defense it was because he was literally just a giant teddy bear. and at your disposal!

so nights when you had a particularly hard time sleeping from whatever plagued your mind, you’d end up in the arms of your bear. comforted by his scent and strength protecting you from whatever might wish to harm you mentally or physically. 

he had gotten up in the middle of the night for his usual snack run, left you in his bed with a simple and rather thin blanket because personally, i think beel runs hot out of all the brothers. like he’s just so BIG ik he has to get hot all the time.. anyway...

he comes back and sees you having bunched said blanket up until there was none left for him and something in his chest ached at the sight of you. looking so little and precious, his hand would come up to rub at the spot in his sternum on instinct. usually if you saw him doing this, you’d place a chaste kiss over where his heart would be and although it technically didn’t help (in a medical sense yk) beel could’ve sworn it cured his ailment each and every time

after eating every last morsel of his food he attempts to get back under the covers with you, to continue to protect you, only to realize that was just impossible. as you were NOT sharing.

the demon simply shrugged it off and decided he’d just drape half his body over your own. he figured if you got cold like that his own heat would keep your warm. and that way he’d still be having some sort of contact with you

when you both woke again he’d rise to see you already awake, staring at him with something akin to affection in your eyes, hands raking through his auburn locks while waiting for him to wake up as well. he’d crack a half smile, one eye still shut. “i didn’t crush you, did i?”

you’d simply giggle and shake your head in response before wrapping your arms about his neck and giving him a tight squeeze. if you could wake up like this every day, you didn’t think there’d be anything better

❥  ◞     𝐵𝐸𝐿𝑃𝐻𝐸𝐺𝑂𝑅   ☇

oh let me tell you this could go either 1 of 2 ways and i FIRMLY believe in this shit.. LMFAO. so first of all, as the avatar of sloth this mf be catching serious zzzzzzzz’s and personally, a MC that goes through as much as you do, you’re pretty much always exhausted too

and what’s the hurt in having a steady cuddle partner? especially when said partner is always prepared to nap anytime, anywhere. but as i was saying about how this could go 1/2 ways, may i present to you: belphie FIGHTING you when he finds out you hog the blankets

now when i say this i mean it like i imagine belphie takes his sleeping very seriously, and that includes the accessories to his very specific crime of choice. which means his pillows, his blankets, his stuffies, ANYTHING that helps him be comfortable in his slumber is part of the act. and you hogging the blankets messes with those plans and nobody.. i mean NOBODY fucks with his sleep. even you with your soft eyes and sweet little pout that always manages to make his tummy do somersaults 

he wakes you with a shove to your shoulder and a page out of mammon’s book with a sharp, “OI!’ it makes you grimace in fact, but you turn over to find his exhausted features turned up in what you could only assume was his version of aggravation. “if you keep doing this, i’ll turn you out and you’ll be without a cuddle for a month.” now, you usually don’t take threats that seriously..

but this one was almost too much for you. because, you see, over time you had grown accustomed to sleeping with someone, anyone, and found that the nights you slept alone with nobody to cling to were the hardest to get through. and if you didn’t have the rolls royce of cuddlers then you might as well kiss your precious sleep goodbye!

quickly you would acquiesce to his demands and throw the covers over on to him as well, squirming over until you pressed firmly into his side and waited patiently for him to throw an arm round your waist

the other way i could see this going would be that with belphie’s mountain of pillows and blankets on his bed and scattered about his room, he wouldn’t even notice that you were a blanket hog to begin with 

[livvyofthelake]

now i am trying to be nice. because of my lovers soul. and because this is a book for 12 year olds. but dear GOD it is not good. it’s corny and cringe and bad and lameeeeee. ok. lovers soul buddha nature only i will remain. we persist.

[jojoboisimagines]

A/N: This goes out to @artlovercarina who requested a Josuke x Reader Fluff fic!

Josuke x Reader// "Spin the Bottle"

//////////////////////////////////////

This was the third time the Wii had crashed on the two of you while playing Super Smash Bros. An irritated huff came from your boyfriend sitting on the floor. You could tell he was really into the match. It was a close one too at that. 

His full lips formed one of those pouts you couldn't help but chuckle at. Getting off the couch, you immediately was by his side, rubbing his back as the poor boy groaned.

"I almost had you that time, you saw it!"

"Yeah, yeah I did."

He squints his cobalt blue eyes at you, knowing that remark dripped with sarcasm. The teen is quick to let it go though, rolling into his backside with his muscular arms stretching behind his neck.

You snorted. "Wow, you're ripped."

It was a bit of a compliment, but also a jab at the same time. You were just trying to get a reaction out of him if anything.

"You think so?" He perks up and raises his shirt, poking at his own abdomen. He did seem pretty proud of his build. Raising an eyebrow at you, he smirked. 'Wanna touch?"

Instantly he was playfully pushed back into his backside. Laughter emitted from the back of his throat. It was almost like poison how infectious it was, you couldn't help laughing yourself.

"Ah..' he let out breathily. "Sorry about the game, I kinda...didn't have much else planned for our sleepover. Other than me kicking your ass at it all night."

"I think you meant the other way around. It's alright though. I just like spending time with you, Josu-kun."

His face threatened to glow red after hearing that nickname, but he could be strong for now. It still earned a smile from him nonetheless.

"I can figure out something maybe, but it might be lame." Josuke said while getting up and heading somewhere down the hallway. You at least appreciated that your boyfriend was trying. He was crafty enough to come up with an idea so that you two wouldn't get bored to death.

"Ay y/n I found a bottle!"

'Oh dear.'

How he was going to make an empty bottle fun is something you'd be wondering until he joyfully sat down in front of you, placing that bottle in the midst of you and him. He grinned at you endlessly, as if he was expecting you to guess what he was doing. And you knew he was. You playfully tapped your chin, not being able to resist a smile yourself.

“I’ll give you a hint, its something a lot of teenagers play.” 

You raised an eyebrow. Teenagers? With a singular bottle?

“...Are we going to get drunk?”

His face dropped, that obviously wasn’t the answer.

Josuke grabbed a hold of your shoulders and shook you back and forth, not too hard of course, with his size and strength he probably could’ve actually hurt you if he wasn’t a gentle soul.

“Y/N, are you kidding me? My mom would kill me if I used the one day I have the house to myself to get wasted!” The genuine fear in his voice proved that Tomoko Higashikata was no joke.

“Alright alright, I give up then, Mr. Soberpants.” You held your hands up in defeat. “Explain it to me.” His smile returned.

'Ok so it took me like two seconds to come up with, buuuut we’re gonna plaaay Spin the Bottle!” He declared while giving his finest Jazz Hands to make it more exciting.

If you weren’t so done with him after that, you would’ve smiled at how cute it was.

“Spin the Bottle? Isn’t that for...more than two people?” 

He rubbed the back of his head, still careful not to mess up his neat hair. “Well yeah, but I’d never kiss anyone other than you babe, so this is the only right way to play it don’t you think?”

That made a chuckle come out of you. The excuse may have been lame, but he was so sweet you didn’t even mind. You nodded, going along with his game.

“Alright then, lets get started!” Crazy Diamond emerged from him at his side, hitting the end of the bottle at a extremely fast pace, so fast your head almost started spinning, Josuke really was extra wasn’t he..

The bottle of course, stopped in your direction. You could already feel your boyfriend’s smirk at you.

"Looks like the bottle has spoken, pucker up y/n-chaaaan~”

“E-eh?” He leaned in, beautiful blue eyes closing as his face was inches away from yours. It seemed like he wanted a genuine kiss.

Your face started to heat up, you couldn’t tell but he was equally as nervous. The two of you actually hadn’t kissed on the lips many times before. Closing your own e/c eyes, you hoped you wouldn't mess it up and make it horrendously awkward for your lover.

The moment your lips intertwined, a clear shiver went through both of your bodies. Yet you still didn't want to pull back. You persisted, wrapping your arms around his neck and pushing forward into the kiss. Josuke seemee to have gotten the memo and wrapped his arms around your waist as well. It was easy to tell he was getting excited during the kiss.

Eventually you had to pull away for air,but you didn't want to look like you were absolutely suffocating so you breahed slowly. On the other hand, Josuke only looked mildly affected by the lack of air. With that look in his eyes, he quite obviously wanted to continue. 

Both of your arms unwrapped themselves from your bodies and he scooted back to where he was originally sitting. It took the teen a minute to get his head out of the clouds and back to the game. He then reached for the bottle again.

"Damn y/n, if I knew you could kiss that well, I would've done it sooner.." 

Redness found its way into your cheeks. You didn't expect him to say that.

".. Thanks" Before you could utter anything else, you spotted Crazy Diamond spinning the bottle again.

To your surprise, (or lack thereof) the bottle landed on you again.

"Oh would you look at that, kissy time again!" His grin was all too hungry for you.

"Josuke!"

[thespiritofvexation]

Pt. 4: How Jack met Ginger

In June 1962 Jack is back from his second trip to Italy and playing withThe Scotsville Jazzmen. One night, playing at the Cambridge May Ball, he stumbles upon another set of musicians;

Jack’s abiding memory of that night was hearing Ginger for the first time. “He looked like a demon in that cellar, sitting down there with his red hair,” he recalls. “He had this drum kit that he’d made himself. I’d never heard drums sound so good. I’d never seen a drummer like him and I knew then that I wanted to play with him.” ~ Jack Bruce - composing himself

Ginger wasn’t the only one who made an impression that night. Saxophonist Dick Heckstall-Smith tells the story in his autobiography (it’s long but oh so precious!):

“This little bloke came to the stage and in a powerful Scottish accent asked if he could play with us.

‘What do you play?’ I asked.

'Ah plee be-ass’ he answered.

There are all sorts of possible responses when a total stranger asks for a sit-in […] The standard approach - unless the gig’s a jam session anyway - is to make it difficult but not impossible for the sitter-in, both logistically and musically, until you’ve got the smell of him. So I said 'No, not now. It’s too late.’

'Are ye playin’ anither sait?’ he asked.

'Well, yes.’

'Can ah plee wi’ ye thein?’

'Mmm,’ I said. 'OK’

Well, he was persistent anyway. I took pity - the second set wasn’t in the marquee, and I couldn’t see the poor bugger bringing his bloody bass all the way to the wrong place. 'it’s in the cellar somewhere. I don’t know exactly where, but bring your own bass eh? Our bass player won’t want to lend you his, I don’t think.’

'O-kee’ said the little guy, nodding grimly, and off he went. He was about eighteen, if that.

And lo, he showed up in the cellar at half past one, visible at first only by the top end of a string bass moving slowly through a dense area of bobbing, shrieking hoorays.

Ginger and I exchanged a look. Tactic 17b was indicated. 'Hullo,’ I said […] ’D'you want to play then?’ Better get it over with.

'Aye,’ he said.

[…] 'Twelve-bar in beef,’ I called, and counted in 'Blue'n'Boogie’, which is normally a fastish, vaguely boppy riff […] That night it went at an absolutely fiendish tempo. I counted it in as fast as my fingers could move. It was so goddamn fast that the choruses came and went before you could blink […] and holy shit the little guy stormed into it like there was no tomorrow, head down and no prisoners from the off. It was demonic. I remember a soul-awakening wow-here-we-go glance with the grinning Ginger a few bars in; after that it was straight through the roof and devil take the hindmost. It was glorious. It swung like the clappers.

Nobody said anything afterwards. He was much better than [our bass player]. 'OK’ I said, 'We’ll do 'Lover Man’ in F. You play the tune. Two, three, four…’ and by god he did! Beautifully. Flauntlessly. Vibrato, in tune, the lot. All the changes.

Of course he did. He was Jack Bruce, only I didn’t know that then. Neither did anyone else, anywhere, except I guess Jack.”- Dick Heckstall-Smith

Ginger, of course, also remembers that night and told the story at the 2016 memorial show 'An Evening for Jack’:

“We were playing in one of the halls there and this scruffy little bugger comes up and he’s going "Man, I wanna sit in!” And we were going “Oh, go away!” y'know. But he was persisting, he went on for about three numbers!: “Man, I wanna sit in, I wanna sit in!” So in the end we had a little discussion, we said “Ok, we’ll play a ballad with as many chord changes as possible” y'know, to suss him out! And he played all the changes you see, actually made it! After that we played a 12 bar. And from that day Dick and I adopted Jack"- Ginger Baker

And that was, as they say, the beginning of a beautiful (?) friendship!

Ginger, Dick and their scruffy wee adopted kid

[pillow-ghost-nan]

SPAMANO FANFICTION REC LIST

Because I’m a spamano trash and I think I’ve read way too many fanfictions than I should have.

I will try to keep this list updated. If you know some good story that isn’t here let me know. Also if there’s anything wrong with the sources feel free to message me too

Multichapter:

All of our flaws by lastdreamofmysoul

Antonio is a man whose world revolves around anyone but himself. Lovino is a man with dreams bigger than a job behind a drugstore counter. Antonio is broken; Lovino is incomplete. Will a chance meeting lead them to mending their cracks and finding their missing pieces? Human AU, trigger warning for self-harm. - Ongoing

Credo by Cameron Kennedy

AU, 1502. Fueled by revenge, Lovino Vargas hasn't failed an assassination job yet - but when a new Spanish captain comes to Rome, killing the unorthodox Antonio Carriedo might just be the death of him.

The lemon tree by StarsMadeinHeaven

AU Lovino didn't want to be a slave in that scary mansion. He needed to break free. The fight for independence, however, is a difficult path, and falling in love with the man that destroyed his life doesn't make things any easier.

This fanfiction is just absolutely beautiful. Everything is just 10/10

The Many Personalities of Spain by Writer-Girl-19

England casts a spell to rid himself of Spain. As expected it goes wrong; leaving Romano to deal with the many personalities of Spain. That sounds like a normal day for Romano, right? It would be if the personalities not had their own personifications. - Ongoing

And the Birds Sing No More by Burlesque Romantique

"Don't ever leave me." Lovino said nothing. He allowed the tense heaviness to settle among his shoulders, tighten his lungs, and spread between the space from where he stood to where Antonio was seated lethargically. Antonio's gaze sharpened. Lovino, inclining his head slightly, whispered, "I won't." Spamano, AU

Bottoms Up! by Sunny Day in February

Follow Lovino on his weird and, well, at least quite interesting trip around Europe in order to find out some of the greatest secrets ever about himself, Europe, tomato-shaped alarm clocks and the past of his lovely, but complicated Spanish partner.

This one is just hilarious. It is a bit silly but will definitely make you laugh from the beginning to end.

Softness and Light by betka23

AU. Odrzucany przez bliskich licealista Lovino nieoczekiwanie otrzymuje pomoc od swojego nauczyciela. Choć nie chce się do tego przyznać, coraz bardziej zależy mu na uczuciach Antonia. Spamano, zawiera także lekki FrUK i GerItę.

Translation: Lovino is a high school student rejected by his relatives. All of the sudden he receive help from his teacher, Antonio. Even though he doesn’t want to admit that he cares more and more about Antonio’s feelings. Spamano. FrUK and GerIta mentioned.

So this one is in Polish. If you don’t mind reading with a Google Translate help then I really recommend it. It’s short but it’s an amazing story.

Secret Tunnels from Madrid to Sicily by PrincessSmuttButt

When Antonio Fernández Carriedo begins work as a professor at a prestigious university in Britain, one of his students, a Sicilian boy who goes by the name Romano, immediately catches his eye. He is a clearly gifted writer, who closes himself off in the wake of a dark and painful history. Even wrapped in his darkness, pushing everyone away, Toni finds himself determined to bring out the potential within Romano...They drag each other into a passionate, inevitable affair--doomed, they know, to end in flames.

A very beautiful and mature story. It’s also amazingly written. I cried like little shit at the end.

Tesoro Mio by spinyfruit

Antonio’s the charming, handsome farmer with an infuriating Spanish accent, and Lovino is the mysterious wine entrepreneur who comes and goes. When Antonio falls in love, he throws society, expectations, and religion to the wayside, but can a strict Catholic like Lovino do the same?

We the Dreamers by TheGoliathBeetle

New York City, 1940: Antonio is a recently arrived refugee from Spain, a scarred soldier with firm political convictions. For Lovino, everything is pointless and nothing ever lasts. The two of them live, love and dream desperately, as World War Two threatens to take it all away.

Greasy by evetnt

Summer time 1955, a mechanic equally as hot as the weather had been fixing up Lovino's car for what felt like forever and their fascination with each other grows passed auto-shit and sandwiches even as the pressure from Lovino's over-protective grandfather and greaser/soc gangs rise. -ongoing

Tight Rope by TheFreakZone

Rich, spoiled kid Lovino Vargas hates pirates. Pirate captain Antonio Carriedo hates rich, spoiled kids. None of them ever thought they could feel something different from hatred towards one another. However, Fate seems to have different plans for them, and twists their lives in unexpected ways. -ongoing

Breathless in the Atmosphere by Spinyfruit

Antonio only needed money for marble. He needed to make his art. And a chance encounter on the subway offers him a job as a male escort. It was just for the money. He could stop anytime he wanted to. Really.

The Space Between the Balconies by Spinyfruit

There's a space between the balconies, where glances are stolen, smoke flies, and dreams wander. Lovino draws the blinds, and Antonio opens his windows. They see each other sometimes.

Left me crying like a little baby. This is one of my favourite spamano fanfiction. It’s short but absolutely powerful and touching

Dance with me by StarsMadeinHeaven

AU. Lovino Vargas started taking tango lessons completely by accident. Who would have thought that one day he wouldn't mind those hands roaming over his body? That he would be dancing with his teacher as if there was no one in the room but the two of them? -ongoing

Bésame Mucho   by George deValier

WW2 AU. Lovino Vargas only ever wanted something exciting to happen in his boring, everyday Italian village existence. He never expected war, Resistance, love, passion, treason, or a cheerful, confusing, irritatingly attractive Spanish freedom fighter. -ongoing

Ok, I am very aware that everyone knows about this fanfiction but still I couldn’t resist

Numbered Lithograph by youaremarvelous

AU Spain x Romano. When Lovino starts attending art school with his brother he finds his most important lesson doesn't come from his professors, but from a culinary student at a sister school: sometimes the flaws hold the beauty.

Good Vibrations by The Cilantro Family

Lovino wasn't a fun guy to talk to, he knew this very well. When he signed he was speaking, not putting on a show. Usually his expression represented what he was feeling, rather than what he was saying. But this guy, for some reason, was different. He acted like he wanted to talk to Lovino even though Lovino had nothing interesting to say, and no interesting way to say it.

Oh boy, this fanfiction is one of the best things that happened to me. Absolutely recommend

One shots/ Two shots/ short stories:

Before the Snow Falls by Spinyfruit

Lovino, jersey number nine, right winger. He was ready to pass the ball, ready to set up the win, but Antonio, opposite team, center fielder, was ready too. Someone thought, and someone didn't, and they crashed. Hard. A few months later, Lovino's on crutches, Antonio has scholarships, and they have to deal with the aftermath of what happened. —Spamano, two-shot.

Liar by starshards

Spain cannot resist Romano, even though he hates himself for it.

Fool by faerichylde

Spain really was a fool. Otherwise he wouldn't have wanted Romano so badly. After all, fools always want what they don't have.

Rebels in a Sleeping City by konstellasjon

"I felt like we were in limbo, two blindingly awake rebels in this sleeping city. I didn't know your reasons for being up and about. But, you were, and so was I, grinning at you like it was going out of fashion."

Light by annapotterkiku

Lovino was convinced that he didn't have a soulmate.

25 MPH by writingandchocolatemilk

"Any reason you were driving fifteen miles under the speed limit?"

"Safety?"

Officer Vargas frowned. "Yeah, sure. Willing to take a breathalyzer test?"

"No!" Gilbert stumbled out of the car. "That is a bullshit request! Because if you don't, Antonio—"

"I'll shoot you," Officer Vargas muttered, and Antonio wasn't sure he actually heard that. He doesn't think he was supposed to. "Sorry, do you want to take the test, instead?"

Five Times Romano Unintentionally Made Spain Blush by darkhue

...and one time he did it on purpose.

Conversations on Cups by orphan_account

Lovino is not particularly fond of his job: working in a coffee shop can get infuriating, with the long orders and hard to spell names. But frustration at one customer has melded into friendship, and even that’s beginning to shift.

Leading the Blind by steingasse

Lovino Vargas’s life was simple, tedious, and a functional amount of lonely. Then one day a hung-over stranger broke in and passed out on his couch.

Door to Door by Canadino

Do not open the door. It could be a zombie, an unwanted boyfriend of your brother's, or a persistant salesman by the name Antonio Carriedo.

Chalk Dust by counterheist

Lovino Vargas (grandson, philosophy graduate, teacher, brother, man): 1. Fate: a lifetime. It’s a start.

The Spaniard and Death by Oboeist3

The tale of a young reaper, a heavy soul, and perhaps a bit of love.

whose thing is this anyway by ShippingEverything

In which Lovino and Antonio get their clothes, among other things, mixed up

Lovers by fuckingtomatoes

Antonio loved him. He loved everything about him

Language Barrier by TheFreakZone

Even though he doesn't understand him, Antonio loves talking to Lovino in Spanish. Lovino doesn't say it, but he loves it too.

It’s a story based on a prompt that Antonio thought that Lovino doesn’t know any Spanish so he kept saying many filthy things because he was sure that Lovi did not understand. Oh boy was he wrong Super cute and hot

Non Omnis Moriar by Burlesque Romantique

Antonio knew that once someone is bitten, they're dead after dying. So all he can do is run.

Unrighteous by SnowyWolff

Lovino has been unrighteously charged for crimes he did not commit and has been sent to teach at a remote northern Magical College. There, he meets Antonio, who makes the never-ending cold a little warmer.

Lifeline by antiheroics

AU (human names used); Suicidal Lovino Vargas makes a suicide pact online with equally suicidal Antonio. They meet, they get mistaken for a couple out on a date, they drink a lot of badtasting vodka, and Lovino begins to wonder not so much if he wants to kill himself, but if he wants Antonio to.

32 Thursdays by counterheist

Antonio is a physics student in love. To Lovino’s embarrassment, so is he.

Aroma by Jacquzy  

This is how it happens; how Antonio Fernández Carriedo comes to fall in love with the sweet-scented child seven years his junior.

Progression by Horribibble

When the Vargas Famiglia lost its Don, Lovino was abruptly faced with all of his nightmares. The worst of which wants nothing more than to give him a kiss.

A Trip To The Cinema by lullabyemyuu

Surrounded by the ruins of the ruined cinema, an elderly Lovino both remembers and forgets.

I wouldn't if I were you by starshards

Romano comes to the shocking realisation that people actually think that Spain is attractive.

Cupcake by writingandchocolatemilk

"No, Lovino!" Feliciano pointed, tears evaporating. "It's a dog!"

"What?" Lovino looked around. "That's a fucking bear."

"Lovino," Antonio hissed, "be respectful! No swearing!"

"Shi—sorry. Antonio, look at that dog." Lovino pointed. "Look, it's a bear."

Ludwig leaned closer. "That's a newfoudland."

Lovino scowled at him. "That's a bear."

Disgustingly Sweet by Sunny Day in February

We all have this urge sometimes.

El Despertar by Tyranno's girl

Or 'The Awakening'. This world is filled with many strange things, people, and occurrences. Once must always be careful of who they put their trust into; everyone has a dark secret behind the mask they don in the day.

Spostare by Canadino

She was just one girl, one body in the whole human race, that made him realize he was undeniably, helplessly attracted to Antonio; and she was the one who stole Antonio's heart away. High school AU, onesided Spain/Romano

How It Is by counterheist

This is how it is in the house of the never-setting sun.

on the dimensionality of an n-night stand by counterheist

Antonio is the one night stand who just won’t leave.

Diplomat's Son by writingandchocolatemilk

Lovino is content to let Antonio touch him. Antonio is happy to do this, and he runs his hands up Lovino's sides, relishing at the feeling of skin against skin, at the quick heartbeat he can feel. His head spins and Lovino pulls him into another kiss.

"Oh, Lovino," Antonio murmurs.

"What?" he asks, sharp, but that just makes Antonio's heart melt. "Take off your shirt. I'm not going to be the only one naked."

"Yes, sir." Antonio laughs.

A Sprinkler of Disaster by SnowyWolff

Lovino comes home one day and the surprise that waits for him behind the door is not exactly what he had expected

Baile Con La Bula by Wendigo Heart

Romano thought the bulls were actually rather pathetic, allowing themselves to be slain. It was the matador’s control that really ignited his passion. But he would forever deny a certain matador’s passion; Romano refused to be his bull to slay -The original source was deleted...  That was hell of a good fanfiction

The Art of Flying by The Goliath Beetle

They're both a little bit damaged, a little bit unscathed. Lovino can only truly see the world when Antonio describes it to him. Words can be magical, words can drive the darkness away.

Exasperation by ReinMaker

Lovino reflects on how it came to this, thanks to himself and his mother-in-law.

PWP/Porn with some plot/basically smut

Praise by learninghowtosmut

Tumblr request for praise kink, ft blindfolds and gross sappy adoration

Six Times Romano Failed at Seducing Spain (And One Time He Unintentionally Succeeded) by sapphiire moon  

Spain is sick and tired of Romano constantly flirting in front of him, and so he decides to punish Romano by not having sex with him anymore. Romano does not like this at all, and he's determined to win his way back into Spain's bed (and heart) through seduction. Awkward, awkward seduction.

A Way to Say I Love You by sapphiire moon  

Spain and Romano's first time

With No End in Sight by stardropdream (orphan_account)

It's hot and Antonio is distracted.

For The First Time In A Long Time by Chaosride

Antonio has been hunting like this as long as he's been a vampire. Human's were more ripe during sex, and the bite was pleasurable anyway, as long as he didn't drink too much, but this times a little different. He picked up an Italian in a bar, expecting a quick meal.

Beautiful by   Chaosride  

A tumblr prompt requested Spamano BDSM

Give and Take by mareepysheepy

After hundreds of years in the making, Romano is in what he would grudgingly call a relationship with Spain. At least he thinks he is. He's really not sure. Weren't relationships meant to be about mutual give, and take, after all?

Jesus Christ I think this is the best written smut I’ve ever seen

Spirito Di Punto by starshards

After Romano's driving skills send another car to super-car heaven, his boss decides that it's time for him to have something much more modest. Luckily for Romano, Spain's there to help him learn how to appreciate it.

Like a Virgin by The Cilantro Family

Antonio's never had sex before. Lovino walks him through it.

Great spamano writers:

Basically almost all of their fanfictions and great, I just didn’t want to put them all on the list

Canadino

TheGoliathBeetle

sapphiire moon  (aka best spamano smut writer you can ever find)

StarsMadeinHeaven (former Happymood)

writingandchocolatemilk  (basically tons of amazing spamano one-shots)

userscounterheist

SnowyWolff

[kitty-lunaz]

The loss of heroes

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

             Definitions

 

PTSD-. (is a mental health condition that's triggered by a terrifying event — either experiencing it or witnessing it. Symptoms may include flashbacks, nightmares and severe anxiety, as well as uncontrollable thoughts about the event.

D.I.D- “a mental disorder characterized by the maintenance of at least two distinct and relatively enduring personality states.”

P.P.D- (depression suffered by a mother following childbirth, typically arising from the combination of hormonal changes, psychological adjustment to motherhood, and fatigue.) 

Depression-Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems

Schizophrenia- schizophrenia (a serious mental disorder in which people interpret reality abnormally. Schizophrenia may result in some combination of hallucinations, delusions, and extremely disordered thinking and behavior that impairs daily functioning, and can be disabling).  

Hallucinations- perception of objects with no reality usually arising from disorder of the nervous system

Conventions-A convention, in the sense of a meeting, is a gathering of individuals who meet at an arranged place and time in order to discuss or engage in some common interest. Valkyrior- Within the context of Marvel's shared universe, the Valkyrior is a group of female warriors led by Brunnhilde / Valkyrie that was originally designated by Odin to bring the souls of slain heroes to Valhalla.

God Khonshu- Khonsu (Ancient Egyptian: ḫnsw; also transliterated Chonsu, Khensu, Khons, Chons or Khonshu) is the Ancient Egyptian god of the Moon.

Inertia- a tendency to do nothing or to remain unchanged.

Iron man’s addiction- alcoholism

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Hero a person who saves others. What about the kids who don’t have their hero. What about the kids whose hero was iron man, captain America, Thor, hulk, people like that? Our heroes are gone and we don’t have hope anymore. People say it's all going to be ok, we’ll be ok but what about when we lost all hope. What about those of us whose heroes we remembered as the creations of stan lee. Imagine the silence that has echoed for almost two years and it is still here. It’s not going away. The yelling of the depressed scared kids comes across deafened ears. Our pain fills our ears, mouths, and brains its overriding everything we’ve got left.

Young people now barely past 23 still choke on the mornings of a certain September day. Seeing a corrupt country that still somewhat loved its country shattered to its bones. Broken-down voicemails of a man giving up his right to a family. People staring out windows as a pair of buildings seen as a CenterPoint of a nation crumbles to ash and death stung the air.

Kids shaking in fear as another child points a gun at them. Their last moments in a place that swore it would protect them. Their heads screaming a blissful cry of fear at finally not having to fear this moment again. Yet crying out for someone like their own ‘friendly neighborhood Spiderman’ to come and save them.

So many of us thinking maybe just maybe if ‘so and so heroes’ were real maybe things would be better. Maybe if they were, daddy/ mommy would’ve made it home because they could’ve stopped the fire, the crash, the shooting. Maybe if they were real we could go to conventions and have them give us another reason to smile.

Our generations need so many heroes, heroes like Valkyrie who shows strength in not only being a beautiful woman of color, a leader of the Valkyrior, and a woman who is on the LGBT spectrum. We need heroes some like Deadpool who talk people from jumping off buildings those who remind us we might not be great people but we can change and better ourselves. We need heroes like Moonlight, wonder woman, or Daredevil each of these three has different illnesses I will do a quick explanation of their illnesses, but we need heroes like this who remind us and tell us that it is ok. That even heroes aren’t perfect they are ‘human’ in so many cases.

Moonlight who is a male character who supposedly was given powers to him by an ancient Egyptian God Khonshu. He has been depicted as having D.I.D.  He has also been shown hallucinating to the point that in certain comics even the reader becomes confused: Did he ever even have powers in the first place? What is he truly experiencing? There is cases wherein extreme fear of situations he takes on other personalities for long periods. His most notable secondary persona is Jake Lockley. Some even theorizing he may have a form of schizophrenia.

  Wonder woman is a non-human who has a human appearance. She experiences a few mental illnesses although compared to some heroes they seem to lackluster and nonserious. Yet although hers are less than painful than some that does not mean they aren’t important just rather a different type. One said illness a very common one in heroes P.T.S.D. For her she had been living her life believing one thing only to find a large portion of the place the memories took place in being false. This and a mix of other things she has experienced sent her into a level of shock which sent her into a catatonic state. She would experience things such as hallucinations of a snake that came out of her arm and would talk to her. (Do not do what she did to help hers see a therapist for help if you can.) She ended up as much as some with an illness like P.T.S.D can she cured herself by doing a form of self-exploration. 

 

   Daredevil is a different character. His mental illness isn’t his only illness though. Matthew Murdock is a blind lawyer.  He is an extremely interesting character being born from a poor family. His mother started experiencing P.P.D. This led to her attacking matt as young age her husband jack stopped the attack in turn she left and joined a covenant in which later on would meet and connect back with matt. The more important part of that is rather that he could inherit depression. Later on, in his life this mattering on which version his dad who was a boxer would be killed for not throwing a fight. Either being a gymnast/Boxer as a child or be taught by the character stick. Either way, he would at some point lose his sight from trying to save a man from a chemical spill. This would aide in his fighting ability because of his enhanced senses. Yet as with many superheroes’ death plagued him like his own shadow. His two lovers both killed by a very common villain named kingpin. Depression would become an illness he is constantly fighting. A section a comic would show in a set of three panels of his fist seeming to push through a thick layer of a gelatin-like substance that didn’t want to bend. This representing the battle against depression the words accompanying this would hit home for many.  “Get up you have momentum now, don’t let the shadows pull you back in. Inertia is the enemy; do something, move. Move Matthew”

  This is not to say generations raging back long before D.C. was even an idea didn’t need heroes. Yet rather than their issues were different not to say they didn’t deserve them. Those times didn’t have them and then seemingly losing them.  Logically they probably did posters for survival and fighting spirit but they could see and hold the hope themselves without needing to hear things like this to believe they were safe…

  “I am iron man” and think that he will protect me even through a screen or comic book page.

  “I could do this all day” Imagining him using his shield to protect you from bullets physical and metaphorical.

  “With great power comes great responsibility” Knowing that he’ll catch you as you fall into your depressive episodes.

  “Odin’s beard!” Knowing that although he could be doing other things there were those with powers to hurt yet use them to help

  “Excelsior!” That no matter what there will be hope and there will be those willing to save you in the darkest times.

  Now “I am iron man” echoes in pained breaths. “I could do this all day” feels more like a mock of how hard our lives trying to break us down. “Odin’s beard!” Feels like lightning piercing the heart knowing it may never sing out its call again. “Excelsior!” Now there’s an emptiness it licks at the ears, eyes, brain, and heart and it feels like it will never refill.

The face of hope seems stripped away now as a series of movies and characters have finally waved a long-awaited farewell. Wolverine said goodbye as time has gone on the x-men series slowly seemed to lose its tact yet there was always a joy knowing there was a mix of different people keeping us all safe.

  Iron man gave his most graceful goodbye, and now his addiction seems more appealing so there’s still a connection. America placed his shield away and watched his sunset, now fighting so that way someone is protecting others seems kind. Thor laughed booming and it echoes trying to claw anything close enough to that joy one last time.

  Memories of our heroes will always be here leaving an aching in the lungs.

[a-little-strange-81]

Here’s a song for you… Perfectly Imperfect by Declan J Donovan

Listen here and listen to me well, my fiercely surviving, stubborn, bratty little one,

I know you very intimately, I know you kiddo because I am you,

And I know that mask you put on each day, it says no choices, you have to be ok,

Still absent the love you wanted, needed, craved and yet somehow never had,

The love you deserved, but lived without, and somehow for your whole life,

It's absence carved a space deep in your chest, special reservations made for rage and anger,

After all this time of eating away, changing and harming, carving away at the very heart of you,

Come, take my hand, it's ok to be scared, hold on to me, it's time we do this little one,

I only know this much, I'm only who I am, because of the bravery and persistent being that's you,

Forty years of abandonments, addictions to pain and self denial, the self harm, you are not ok,

Mom murdered at five, the tearing of your universe, and then he's gone too, oh how that broke dad,

Waking up daily, alone, unwanted, unloved until I'm grown and dissatisfied, daughter, mother, now wife,

For the first time ever, I begin to see, the hurt, the pain, the harm, the reality of the danger,

It's now or never little one, the time has come to face yourself, to become, at last to be you,

These things I learned to value, and all of it from you, do you see that I need you, do you little one?,

The little moments that made it all worth while, they held you in this fight and all those are true,

Those times you let go, let yourself live, made all the tragedies bearable, that most days make it not ok,

How intoxicating it once could have been to be you, before you were ruined in every way, and bad,

How heartbreaking to love with such innocence, to give your soul away, not to mention your life,

How devastating, the lessons planned, the seeds planted that led to this life of fear and anger,

You carried us here valiantly, but little one we have so much more to healing work to do,

You need to unpack the past so the future takes the shape of you , and honestly this time little one,

In many ways just to get here you were damaged and broken, but you chose and in that you grew,

It's time to turn that page, dry those eyes and heal, let it go, at long last, you now can live more than ok,

All the suffering and the agonizingly painful past, those experiences, for these we are now glad,

I know it sounds crazy kiddo, but our story when shared, helps others in their struggle and strife,

So yes, going back hurts, makes us need to be stronger, teaches us to look forward for danger,

Forty years has shaped us together, now I got this for us both, can you trust me on that little one?,

I know you are afraid to be let down, I understand, but we have each other now little one,

I see all of me, and what it took to get here, and I'm sorry it took so much to build this version new,

I'll sit silent with you, cry with you, hold you, be next to you in all things, you will always know you are ok,

This life has made us an amazingly empathetic pair, to friend and lover alike, we give all, good and bad,

We bleed willingly for love, it's absence shaped with a gun, we turned upon ourself the blade of a knife,

Needing to feel, needing some kind of release consumed and lost in the enticing taste of anger,

You showed me you need me, can you forgive me for forgetting you, I'm here now, and for forever, for us both little one,

Little one and Me... Forever... I promise to never leave you again... I've learned now that if you got you and you love you ... You got everything you need ... So lean into me Little one! We are safe now!

Rebecca Jones 2021 ~ my stoned musings!

Random ramblings of a 4 hour soak in the bath! Why, because why not!? Oh, and the conversations I can have with myself, bloody brilliant, and the music... I'm such a good DJ for myself, and well ... After getting good and fucked up for all this time, and contemplating, and agonizing, and doing my OCD on myself thing ... This came out ... Tomorrow I may regret this but tonight... To hell with it ... It's terrible and real ... Better than most offerings on here... But more than anything... It's ME!

[otterenergy1962]

Letting go of old beliefs - part 3

In part 1 and 2, I wrote about life situations that caused me to have limiting beliefs about myself. For this entry, I am focusing on one that has run through the core of my being and has been persistently there for my entire life. As I examine it, I am starting to locate the actual point(s) in time that caused this limiting belief.

I am plain and unattractive.

It is a simple fact that I don’t always see why others people think that I am attractive. Some people even go as far as to say that I already know that or that I take advantage of it. I’ve been accused of being an attention seeker for posting a picture of my weightlifting progress… Many people just make assumptions and seem to be quite willing to express the same to me because they feel safe behind their keyboard.  Would any of them have the courage to say so in front of my face?

One of my old desires was to look like a Tom of Finland drawing. For my straight friends, Tom of Finland was an artist who drew gay men in a hyper-masculine manner. The men were often extremely muscular and well-endowed. I always thought that I was a man who was too far from even being close to resembling a hyper-masculine caricature. I felt very different inside. I was still that overweight kid that had low self esteem and low self worth.

Sometimes guys project their ideas and feelings onto me. I’ve gotten friendship requests on FaceBook from men who seem to be a really nice guys. Once friended and without my request, a dick pic (or other parts of the body) shows up and I feel disappointed because they must only see me for what they believe I am. If I post a picture of myself without my shirt on does that mean that I am a whore and want others to automatically think think that I am seeking such? That I am willing to toss them a nude shot of me without any self-respect?

My ex husband would often say that I was the straightest gay man that he had ever known. He said this because I would often wear jeans and a t-shirt, didn’t seem to have any fashion sense or didn’t partake in the stereotypical gay man’s activities. I didn’t want to sleep around with everyone, didn’t obsess with HGTV, didn’t go to raves stoned on various drugs or believing that the grass might be greener on the other side of some stupid fence so that I could dump one man for a better one…. He even said that I didn’t have the gay designer gene!

After all, I didn’t fit the Tom of Finland stereotype. I liked reading, writing, science fiction, gardening, cooking and more. I liked walking on the beach and camping.   I didn’t ride a motorbike or wear leather and role play hyper-masculine fantasies. So, why didn’t I start acting like I was a Tom of Finland man so that I could PRETEND that I was something that I was not? My ex husband, Henry, did that all the time. I used to giggle about his desire to be a butch leather fantasy man who loved doilies, frilly antique pieces and miniature doll houses! I didn’t deem it necessary to pretend that I was something that I wasn’t.

In my journey of self discovery, I have learned that it is okay to be silly, dance to Madonna in my underwear while making dinner or singing Donna Summer tunes while cleaning the house. By the way, I clean my house in jeans and a t-shirt! How “un-gay” can that be? I love otters, not in the gay sense, but the animal. A gay otter is a man that loves bears. Bears are big and hairy guys. So, I’m not a gay otter, but am nicknamed Otter because I want to be playful like my spirit animal. A friend recently told me that one of things he loves about talking to me is how I say goodbye on a FaceTime call. I wave bye-bye like I do with my students! He says that I have this cute child-like grin on my face and wave quick little wave. He says it is really cute!  Okay, definitely not Tom of Finland! What makes it okay is that I don’t have to conform. I can be anything I want.

As I write this, I think back to when I was a child. I loved to play ball tossing games and skipping rope. Tom of Finland guys don’t skip Double Dutch… or do they? This brings up a question that my friend, Gary, recently asked me. “What would you say to that little kid that loved Double Dutch and tossing a ball against a wall whilst singing songs? Why does he like doing those things?” He would say because it was fun. There wasn’t a rule that said I couldn’t do those things. I didn’t like playing sports that much and seemed to enjoy the girls’ company more than the boys’.

It wasn’t until I was a few years later that I found out that being different would surface in a negative way. Suddenly, the word “Fag” starting being heard. The Double Dutch guy was a fag who felt dumpy and nondescript. I think that I was trying to make myself that way to avoid being noticed. If you made yourself as nondescript as possible, the bullies wouldn’t notice you as much. Duck your head and look the other way! I can even remember telling my mother that I didn’t feel good about myself. She just said that I would grow out of it…

I didn’t. I took that idea into my adult life. I continued to believe that I was nondescript and unattractive. When I came out, men liked me because of my age, or so I thought.  I figured that being young made you attractive. It never occurred to me that I was attractive in some other way.

I’ve already written about the AIDS crisis and how it affected me. When you are HIV+, you see the world through a different lens. In the early years of AIDS, people like me were considered pariahs. You were considered so because people were afraid. I remember the stories of the early years where men who had this unknown disease were isolated in rooms at hospitals, their food trays left in the hallway for fear of getting this unknown disease. For more information, read this article: https://www.out.com/positive-voices/2016/12/01/woman-who-cared-hundreds-abandoned-gay-men-dying-aids#media-gallery-media-1 . Like the men in the story, I felt abandoned. My partner at the time was so afraid of the syndrome that he refused to touch me. In my mind, he abandoned me, so I  abandoned him and tried to move on. Relationships became more and more difficult.  Even hook ups were impossible because I didn’t want to infect someone else by accident. So all those years of dealing with HIV had a major affect on my view of being unattractive and undesirable. It fortified my original concept of myself. Gradually, as I met more HIV+ men, I began to have relationships that were more comfortable, but the effect of the situation has stayed with my all of my adult life.

I’ve also written about how exercise saved my life in those times. I’ve been exercising ever since in the form of weights, aerobics and group fitness classes. I also taught them from 1990-2013 and developed a real sense of physical fitness. In those times, I developed the belief that to be attractive, one had to be muscular and fit. I was able to hide my disability though exercise and bulking up. In all that time, I never considered the possibility of looking inside and seeing the person or soul who had the muscular, fit body. All I could see was an imperfect body, never fit enough, all the flaws with my face, my body, and my soul. I could rally a major list of flaws, but seldom looked at the positives.

It has been in the last few years after major relationships ended, and dealing with cancer that I have come to see what I need to see. I began to look inside for the answers. I am still on that road to understanding and loving myself. I can honestly say that I am an attractive man, not totally because of my outside appearance, but what is also inside. My friend, Gary, again come up with a nugget of wisdom one night as we discussed the difference between being attractive, being desirable, being appealing etc. We even discussed who we thought was stunningly beautiful! The nugget was, “Keep your eyes, ears and heart open to an opportunity to try something new!” I’ve opened all of my senses to take the opportunity to see what is beautiful in me!

So, I was curious about what people thought of me. I asked a group of friends, some of them have been sexual partners and some have been platonic friends. The answers stunned me. The points that came up the most were:

“… you are a man that speaks and acts from your heart and have nothing but the best intentions for those you care about most.”

“You’re incredibly kind and caring. You’ve been kind of like a "Daddy" type to me by nurturing me and giving me tough love when needed. You're an animal lover. You’re intelligent. Strong. All of that. Confident.”

“Your eyes are intense, showing your beautiful soul and genuine warm and caring smile.  Then you’re so warm, kind, respectful, affectionate...  fun and adventurous.”

“You come across as what we call in Arabic, ‘the combination of the opposites’ - you are silent and brooding but at the same time really kind and caring, and you can be goofy and fun when the time calls for it. You are a serious man who has no problem showing emotions and vulnerability. You are strong, yet fragile.”

“You’re kind and easily let people in. And it’s just very easy to be around you, a very welcoming presence.”

Where there examples that showed that they thought I was attractive?  You bet! However, they have been tempered with the above points, telling me that it is more than just what is on the outside, and that the inside is just as important:

“Physically, for me you are definition of what I consider hot, attractive, not pretty girly but stern masculine look and a warm beautiful smile, you’re tall and muscular and very aggressive sexually chemistry that just is a drug to me.”

“Obviously you’re extremely handsome and built. You’re into a lot of fun and hot things, such as rubber and kink.”

“Superficially, you’re ruggedly handsome.”

“Ok, here’s my honest answer: physical aspects: silver, salt and pepper hair and beard are very attractive to me, combined those signs of a well seasoned man with the body of a well trained one and then you have a lethal combo that many can’t resist.”

“And top if off, you’re a very sexy and handsome man. ❤️”

So, can I honestly say that I am attractive? Am I a Tom of Finland kind of guy? The answer has been coming to me more lately. I’ve taken a few selfies and I’ve looked past the crooked smile and the grey hair. I’ve ignored the wrinkles and saw the warmth and beauty in my own eyes. There is a softness and a love that I’ve not noticed before. Is it selfish or conceited to find the self love and the things that make me attractive to myself?  I’m going to have to say no. If anyone says that I am posting pictures of me with my new glasses to just to get attention or to make me feel better by hearing everyone’s opinions… I have have something to say: These guys need to push off and find somewhere else to dump their own insecurities! They need to acknowledge their projections and their own conceptions of self onto me. I’m not a narcissistic man who posts pictures and says, “Look at me! Hello! I am here! I am beautiful and don’t I know it?”  Give me a fucking break!  All I am is a man who looked into the mirror, deep into his own eyes and found the soul and heart of a man that people find attractive and beautiful for many reasons.

I’ve since had that conversation with the little boy inside who thought he was nondescript and unattractive. We’ve consoled each other and come to love each other for all of our traits. Thank you guys (Gary, Bryan, Seann, Ray, Masoud et al), for your comments. Thank you for helping me see that being attractive starts at home in the belief of the self. I love you guys!

Carpe diem!

[solargear]

I know it’s been a long time, but here Is Part 5 of Angel next door. ‼️⛔️🔞⛔️‼️

Very hot. So you might want to get some Lemonaid and a fan to keep you cool.

Anthony held fast Aziraphale’s wrists with his right hand. The left elbow propped his slender muscular body over the soft man below him, and his left hand cupped his angel’s cheek as his thumb caressed Aziraphale’s tender cheek. His hips settled into a steady rhythmic thrusts at a medium speed and gentle force. He relished the melody of whimpers and moans of his neighbor and whispered sweet encouragement in between kisses of the neck and lips. “Mmm~ You are doing so well... Oh god~ Damn.... You feel go good.... So... Perfect~” As the connection strengthened between the two men, Crowley felt a deep guilt in his heart. An emotion he never experienced before, but it was an emotion he liked and wish for to explore. The challenge now was to inform his boss of the life change to discontinue certain activities at work. For now though, Anthony was going to live in the moment and love his angel. “My Dear Aziraphale, you are amazing.”

Aziraphale leaned his head into Anthony’s hand and kissed it. Delicious sweet moans escaped his lips as Crowley rocked his hips. “Nnnnn.... Anthony... you... Ahhh... do... as well...”Soon he legs wrapped around the sharp hips and held tight. His body moved with each thrust of the ginger’s hips. The blonde’s mind lost in the ecstasy of overwhelming desire. His laden eyes focused on his love above him. When Citrine locked on to aquamarine, the mutual exchange of want engulfed the pair. Aziraphale started to tug on his captured wrists asking for freedom. “Please~ Anthony... I... I want to hold you...” he finally pleaded.

Without hesitation, Crowley released Aziraphale. “Hold tight~ Angel~” The next move took all his strength. Once the angel had a good hold on to the ginger, Anthony rocked back as hard as he could and hoisted the plump man up into position. Crowley was now kneeling with Aziraphale on his lap. His long slender hands gripped the pleasantly plump posterior and held firm. He never used this particular position before, for his felt it was meant for a person he found who would have captured his heart and soul. And Aziraphale, the man who moved next door only days before, had indeed captured him. “You... You ok there?” Anthony asked with sincere concern.

Aziraphale held fast as Anthony lifted him. Angel was astounded by the hidden strength Crowley possessed. To maneuver a physique, such as Aziraphale’s, was no small feat. But once repositioned, Angel felt the full extent of Crowley in him. Just by readjusting his hips to gain a better fit on the ginger’s lap, Aziraphale’s sweet spot was rubbed. Burning his face in to Anthony’s crook of the neck, he moaned. Not only did he feel internal pleasure, he felt the friction against his member between both stomachs. The onslaught of physical sensations sent his mind into a cloud of ecstasy. He fought to form the words to inform his neighbor his status. Nodding, Aziraphale finally spoke. “Y-Yes... very... much so...” He loosened his grip a bit and lean back to gaze into those magnificent suns.

Immediately a bond unified both souls into one when Crowley linked his eyes with Aziraphale’s. The shackles that bound his heart broke lose, and a tsunami of admiration washed over his soul for this man he held. At that very instant, Anthony knew his would not be able to continue at the club. “Oh~ Aziraphale~” hand traveled up and combed through the blonde curls. Anthony cradled the sweet man’s head and pulled his angel in for a kissed in hopes to share his feelings with Aziraphale.

A whirlwind of emotions enveloped the angel when lips coupled. Aziraphale’s left hand slid through the red locks and gripped at the base of the neck. The blonde deepened the kiss with a moan as he began to rock his hips to coax Anthony to join. The book lover indeed felt the bond of a mutual alliance form, and the alliance created a new world just between the angel and the serpent. Theologians believe when a soul finally finds its match, a new star is created. Once the two become one, the spark cannot be extinguished. No one truly knows if the theory has any merit; however, the matching of these two souls, a new star was created.

When Crowley felt Aziraphale rock those plump hips, he groaned. The rippling of the muscles, around his cock, massaged and squeezed him. Not one of his past partners sent his senses into overdrive like Aziraphale did. Anthony had a half of mind to call into work, for he didn’t wish to have this night end. He desired to fall asleep in Aziraphale’s arms and see that sweet face in the morning. No one in Crowley’s past lovers affected the snake breeder in such ways. Physically or emotionally. He would be the one to do all the work and coax the other how to preform, but the emotion was not present. He was just going through the physical motion. However, his neighbor -sweet and sexy man- needed no coaxing to how to work those plentiful hips. That spark gave Crowley overwhelming drive to keep this angel. His very heart and soul was captured by this soft sensuality neighbor. Soon, the ginger’s hips started to thrust up. He made sure his left hand held Aziraphale firmly around the waist, and his right hand moved under his lover’s left arm to support the upper back. “Do... nnnn... not... worry... I... fuck... got you...” Crowley grunted has his hips fell into rhythm again. “Damn... it... You... feel... so good... Oh~ Zira... so good.” The words, Crowley spoke, were not just empty and hollow; his words help deep strong affirming meaning he never spoke before.

Upon hearing the sweet declarations, Aziraphale could feel the purity of Crowley. Though he had far few lovers than Crowley, not one from his past held him nor spoke to him in a philanthropic demeanor. Relationships were one sided, once Aziraphale came to realization. The men he dated, never used words of affirmation durning intercourse. Nor was he held with such want. The words, ‘Don’t worry... I got you... you feel so good...’ pierced his soul in a way that filled the angel with admiration. Now, he knew and wished to reimburse Anthony in intimate gratifications. He leaned into the slender man more in hopes to coax Crowley to lay on his back. “It is.... my turn.. Mmm... to return... Fhuuu... the favor dear boy~” He sensually whispered into Anthony’s right ear. “Please... do me... the pleasure and lay back.” Once again. The angel’s words rolled like distant thunder. Subtle, yet powerful. With a seductive gaze, he placed his hands on the freckled shoulders and started to lean Anthony back.

With wide eyes and a frog in his throat, Crowley chocked out “You... we don’t... you don’t have to...” But, that subtle, power thunder in Aziraphale’s voice warranted Crowley’s submission. Carefully, he lean back and laid down. The two managed to stay connected, and his eyes beheld the most glorious sight he had ever seen. “Fuck... Aziraphale... God Damn...” Driven speechless, Anthony used his hands to express how sensational the man on him was. His long slender fingers massaged and rubbed those sublime thighs. He bit his lower lips as his eyes traveled over ever inch of the majestic man. He suddenly felt unworthy to behold such a man. He reached up with his right hand slid it down where it could reach. With a soft smile, Anthony looked up to Aziraphale. “I am not worthy to behold a wonderful man like you.~”

Aziraphale heard Crowley's sweet words and blushed a little. Then he leaned over some and braced his upper half over the ginger. He raised his hips slowly and lowered back down, making Crowley slide nearly out then in again. “If you persist in showering me with high exhortations, my devotion to you may exceed to more than mere admiration.” Then he repeated the movement on Crowley and watched with fervent desire. To understand the yearning in his soul, was beyond his comprehension at the moment. Yet the angel envisage nothing more.

A shuddered moan, and fluttering eye lids foretold the immense stimulation of the simplistic motion Crowley just experienced. He fought ever fiber of his being to control the thrust he desperately wish to do. “I will.... Shower...” he head rolled to the right as Aziraphale repeated his movement. His hands reached back and grappled plump posterior. “Fu-ck... Ahhh.... you with much... exhortations you want... if you keep riding me like you are.” Anthony finally looked back at the angel on top of him and squeezed that round ass.

A cute devilish smile appeared on the angel’s lips. Licking his lips, Aziraphale lean back, used Crowley’s thighs to brace himself, then started to ride slowly. He angled his hips at various degrees until he found his spot. “Nnnnmmmm... Yes... there...” Gradually, he gain a rhythmic pattern of hitting his spot ever third to forth time on the downward motion. With each motion, he moaned or whimpered. Casually, he picked up speed until his front danced with is entire body. As he self pleasured on Crowley, Aziraphale kept his gaze on the man below him. With laden eyes he smiled, knowing his Dear Neighbor was mesmerized.

Crowley’s state of mind was fogged with untold pleasures. He had a divine being riding him. He had been ridden before, but never with heavenly bliss as he was experiencing now. His grip on those marshmallow thighs tightened as his arms tried to increase the stimulation. Between watching Aziraphale perform self gratification, and the explicit sensation he was being rewarded with, Anthony struggled to control his hips. Suddenly his hips moved on their own. When the angel slid down, those sharp hips jolted up. “Oh FUCK!!!!”

The sudden sharp thrust up, targeted Aziraphale’s core. He cried out and gripped Anthony’s thighs, nearly breaking the skin. For that moment he lost focus, but when the brutal onslaught of ecstasy was over, the angel lean back over Anthony and smiled. His hips maintained the rhythm, as he leaned over and gave his neighbor a kiss to affirm his feelings for Crowley. “I am aware.... Mmmm... expressing my heart is premature.... however, I have reasons.... to believe you are my soul mate.”

Crowley slid his right had up and cupped Aziraphale’s cheek. He smiled and coaxed their foreheads to meet after the kiss. “Mmm... My Angel~ My sweet Aziraphale... I share your belief. No man before you has broken the shackles of my heart, yet you managed to free it in mere days.” With a medium thrust up aiming at his target of Angel’s pleasure center. “Mmm yes... Shall we...”

“Oh... Fuck... Yes... My dear boy~” Aziraphale groaned as he felt his spot being hit. Slow he began to ride again using his legs. Once again, he began to locate that perfect angle. Suddenly he let out a high pitched whimper and looked at Anthony. With a nod and wanting eyes, he indicated he was ready.

“Shit... Fuck...” Crowley cursed as he was being ridden again. When he heard that whimper, and saw the wanting blue eyes, he placed his left hand on Aziraphale’s right hip and began to aim at his target. “I... Damn... got you... Angel...” His right hand gingerly gripped the blonde curls and, then he leaned up and kissed his new lover. Soon the two began to simultaneously work with each other’s movements. As Aziraphale moved his hips up, Crowley moved his hips down. When Aziraphale slid down, Crowley thrust his hips up. The dance of the two men began to stoke that internal flame in each of them. Harmonious groans and moans echoed throughout the snake breed’s home. As the two felt their bodies build, Crowley continuously whispered sweet encouragements to his angel. “That’s... it... Yes... Mmmm... Oh... Getting... cl-close...” Suddenly those sharp hip jolted up hard as he body started to reach it’s peak. “Nnnn... Azi-ra... phale... So fuuuhhh... good...”

The sudden sharp jolt of Crowley’s hip made Angel cry in ecstasy. “Ahhhh... An-tho-ny... Please... don’t... Stop...” Soon the coil with in tightened. As the collision of the two bodies persisted, Aziraphale lean his head into Anthony’s neck on the right side. Gasps, whimpers, and moans filled the ginger’s ear. “Getting...” he panted hard. “Close... too.”

Crowley’s left hand cradled Aziraphale’s head. “Shh...” He cued. “You’re doing... so well... So much so... you will make.. me come soon too” Anthony could not believe the affect Angel had on him. Normally he would last longer than his partner where he could make the other come twice. The counselor was the first to unhinge the snake breeder so quickly. The motions between the two began to cause Crowley to lose control. His hips thrust up more frequently and forcefully. Uncharacteristicly, Anthony started to groan and moan when his peak was nearing.

Aziraphale welcomed the fervent motions of the man under him. With all if his might Angel attempted to maintain rhythm, but not no avail. His focus was to hold his climax until Crowley was at his peak. “Anthony... Nnnn... I am... I cant’t... Hold... it.”

“Oh Angel... Nearly... Oh fuck... Ngk...” Anthony gripped Aziraphale tighter. His climax was just about to burst, but he was going hold out until his angel came first. “Please... do... not... hold... back... for me... Angel...” Then he gave all he had to Aziraphale.

The sudden onslaught of thrusts finally did Aziraphale in. He buried his face into Crowley’s chest and made the most adorable moan. His insides clenched like a vice, squeezing Crowley tightly. His hot climax shot in between them and made a mess of their chests. After the final surge, Zira collapsed. He closed his eyes and groaned while he slowly came down from the high. He smiled as he listened to Anthony’s Heart beat felt the ginger breathe.

Feeling the vice like constricting of the angel, the pressure was overwhelming and caused him thrust up in force and released. “Holy... Fucking.... GOD!!!!!” He groaned when he felt Aziraphale’s hot juices hit his chin and chest, and his hips jolted with each surge of his orgasm. When his release was finished, Anthony held Aziraphale close and mindlessly stroke the soft hair for a few minutes. He closed his eyes and savored the tranquil ecstasy. Then he kissed the top of Angel’s and moaned. “I... am glad... we took that break...” he said with a chuckle.

Aziraphale purred when his hair was played with. As rested on Crowley’s chest, Aziraphale heard Anthony, lifted his head some, and giggled. “I...am glad... too... but I do not believe finishing the bed is conducive tonight.” He finally had to strength to prop his upper body up with his arms and smiled down at the ginger. “Oh my... I am... sorry... I made a mess again” Mixed with sweat, his climax was spread al over both chests. He slowly climbed of the slender man. He raised his hips, and Crowley slipped out. The blonde shuttered from the thickness exiting him and he moaned. Then he flopped down in the right side of Anthony and looked over the slender man. His right hand lazily laid on Crowley’s right shoulder and gave it a little squeeze. “Will you be able to go to work tonight.”

Crowley grunted when Angel climbed off. He watched Aziraphale lay next, and he raised his right arm and let the blonde use it as a pillow. When the angel’s hand laid over his right shoulder, his left hand cover the angel’s. He looked down at the mess and chuckled again. “That you did... nothing a good showering can fix though.” Then he heard the question about work. If he did go to work, he would have to scrub well. A experience like he just had, a quick shower would still leave a scent of sex. He also needed to explain to Aziraphale the true nature of the job he actually had. “About my job...” he quietly spoke. “I need to tell you about it. Once I tell you, I will not blame you if you chose to not see me again.” He patted Aziraphale’s hand before sitting up and moved to the edge of the bed. Before he continued to talk, to took off the condom and threw it away in the trash can next to his bed. I took a deep breath and gripped the edge of his bed.

“Your job?” Aziraphale questioned and watch Crowley sit on the edge of the bed. How bad could Anthony’s job be to warrant worry of the councilor not wishing to continue relations with the breeder. He sat up and moved to the right of Anthony and laid his left hand over the ginger’s right. “Anthony?” He tilted his head and tried to look Crowley in the eyes.

When he saw Aziraphale tried to capture his gaze, Crowley turned his head away. “I... I am an exotic dancer...” he paused for a moment. Then he started up when he say Aziraphale tried to interject. “... plus some... more. I am an escort too...” his heart sank when he spoke the last bit. He never felt such pain before, yet explaining his job to Angel hurt him greatly. The thought of Aziraphale being his neighbor and not wanting to see him anymore was an arrow in the ginger’s heart.

When ‘I am an escort’ hit his ears his eye’s widened. Aziraphale knew what Crowley meant. To simplify the term, Anthony was a male prostitute. The angel didn’t really know what to make of this confession; Crowley seemed to be embarrassed of his job. His next move was to kneel in front of Crowley and used his right hand to coaxed Anthony to look at. “May I ask why you chose to tell me of your profession?”

Clenching his jaw and shutting his eye, Crowley shook his head. He breathed out a heavy sigh and shamefully looked into those shy blue eyes. “I... I can’t explain it. But, I felt like I needed to let you know the truth.” Hanging his head, and loosing eye connection, Anthony breathed out heavily. “I... don’t want to hide anything from you. I can’t explain it Angel... but I do know, I like you. I am willing to quit my job tonight just to prove to you I do not want to hurt you in any way. Out of all of my past lovers, you are the only one I have came clean with from the start.” The ginger lifted his eyes for just a moment. When he caught those bright blue eyes, his eyes shut again to prepare to the worst, despite opening up to Aziraphale.

Hearing the confession and seeing the pain Anthony displayed, Aziraphale heart sank. He chewed on his lips. Despite part of him telling him to leave and forget his neighbor, Aziraphale stood up. He let go of Anthony and took a few steps back. Then he turned and walked to the master bath and turned the water on. He was going to give the ginger a chance, and help the slender snake lover to wash up for work. When the temperature was perfect, he turned on the shower head and headed back to Crowley.

When Crowley did not feel Angel’s presence, he opened his eyes and bit his lip. He watched that sensational bottom sway away from him as the Devine man walk away to the bathroom. A pain in his heart began to grow. He knew once he told Aziraphale the truth the angel with not want him, but when he watched Aziraphale walk back to him, he opened his mouth to ask a question. However he was interrupted immediately.

“Well... Don’t you need to wash before work?” The sweet man smiled. “You can’t go to work all dirty, now can you?” He held out his hands to assist Crowley up from the bed.

Anthony’s mouth dropped. He could not believe Aziraphale was still willing to even be near him. He looked at he out stretched hands and looked back to the man the freed his heart. “You... want to help me to get ready for work?”

“Well... I am not completely on board with the escort side, but It is a job to sustain you and your scaly children, I am not going to judge your choice in employment. You also told me immediately also, which tells me you honestly have concern for my emotions.” Aziraphale leaned over some to took Crowley’s hand and pulled him up. He guided the walking masterpiece to the shower and coaxed his neighbor in. “Besides we both are cover in my... well...” He blushed.

‘Damn..’ Crowley thought. He really did find a treasure. After hearing Aziraphale mention the mess, Crowley chuckled. “Yeah... you tend to make a big mess don’t you?” Anthony grinned and helped Aziraphale in. Once in the shower, he brought the blonde into him and moved them both under the water. Then Anthony wrapped his arms around Angel and kissed his forehead. “Well, I can stop being and escort. In the contract I signed, If an escort finds a serious partner, then the employee is exempt from further escorting duties. But I still have to dance.” his hand started to lovingly rubbed Aziraphale’s back.

Aziraphale purred as his back as rubbed, and laid his head on Crowley’s chest after the kiss. He listened to Anthony explain the contract. When ‘serious partner’ hit is ears, he leaned back and looked up. “S-serious partner?” Did Anthony feel that strongly about him? Even after a week?

“Well... I did tell you about my job immediately... and~ I did tell you I would quit my job tonight to prove to you how serious I am about you.” Crowley met Aziraphale’s gaze.

Aziraphale blushed, hummed, and nodded. “Mmm... I well... I will accept being you serious partner.” Then he lifted his body by his tip toes and kissed Crowley.

Anthony gladly received the kissed and moaned into it. He pulled HIS angel into a tighter embrace as they kissed. Soon, his thoughts turned naughty their bodies moved against each other’s. Soon, the idea of shower sex filled his imagination. His right hand slid down to that plump ass and grasped it. “We... better hurry or I will have you again”

Aziraphale gasped and then giggled. “Well~ mmm~ if you take your hand off my back end, I will wash you” Then he felt his ass being released. “Good.. now hand me your body soap and shower puff.” Once he was given the items, Angel turned Crowley around. He poured some soap in the puff and lathered it up. Then he started to wash the tall man’s back side. “I do hope you Employer will not be too cross with you.”

“Yeah... that will be the challenge... I am in the top three wanted escorts. Losing me will really hurt his sales. Being an escort is quite lucrative, but... Zira... I am very serious... I will give it all up for you.” Anthony turned his head a bit to look at his new lover.

The blonde stopped washing the ginger’s backside when Crowley turn a bit. “But will your finances be hindered if you stop?” Aziraphale tuned Anthony around to washed the front. He slowly started at the neck and moved down. Making sure to wash all himself off Crowley. While scrubbing, he could not help but admire the Greek god body.

When Anthony was turned around, he laid his hands on Aziraphale’s hips. With a soft tone, Anthony spoke. “Not really, because of being an escort, I am set for a while. Besides, I... been thinking of opening up a flower shop. I kind of been looking for store fronts, with living space above in order to keep my babies close. And, maybe...” Anthony paused and pulled Aziraphale into his sinew body. “... possibly, A new love”

The Sudden embrace caught Aziraphale of guard, and he stumbled into Crowley making both men fall against the shower wall and slid to the shower floor. The blonde groaned at the slight discomfort, but when he realize how was laying on the snake breeder, he blushed and tried to move. In the attempt to move he slipped again cause their bodies to press together again. Mainly the groin area. The angel bit back a groan, and slowly started to move again, but he was stopped and wrapped by two slender arms. He looked up to only be caught by citrine eyes gazing at him longingly. He was just about to speak when he was cut off by a kiss and strong arms pulling him into straddle those sharp hips. He sunk down in to the kiss and allowed Crowley to position him how the ginger wanted. “Y... you’re... going to... Mmmm.... be late... for work...”

“I...” Anthony shook his head in between a kiss. “...not going...” He sat up some after Aziraphale was in the perfect position. “Not after that fall.” He pretended to be hurt to see the angel’s reaction. Truthfully, Anthony was not hurt at all. He wanted to have an excuse to call into work to be able to have tonight with Aziraphale. Luckily he did not have any scheduled clients, tonight. So it would be easy to call in and miss work.

“Oh dear...” Aziraphale pulled away from the lip dance and started to fret over Anthony. He start to hurry off Crowley until his love handles were gripped to make him stay put. He realized the sly serpent of a man was playing him. “Oh... you fiend. You’re not injured... are you?”

Crowley smirked and squeezed the handles he held on to. “Only slightly. Not enough to warrant me not to work. But a good excuse to call in and say I can’t make it.”

Angel gasped when his sides were squeezed, and he moaned. “But...” he looked down at the shower slickened man below him. “Your... clients...”

“You are my only client tonight... and I am giving you one Hell of a discount...” Crowley leaned up to Aziraphale’s ear. In a deep, rumbling husky voice he whispered in his new lover’s ear. “And many times as you can have me... tonight~... for free~” Then he thrust his pelvis up into Aziraphale’s to show his excitement.

Aziraphale shivered with the tone of Crowley’s voice. Then when he felt the thickness press up in to him. “Oh~ My~” The feel of Crowley cradled between his cheeks, and the thought of night of hot passion sparked the flame within his groin again. He pushed down into Anthony a couple time subconsciously. The friction only aided the fire more.

Feeling the book lover grow and hearing his moans made the ginger growl. He slid his left hand up gently grip the soaked blond curls and kissed his neighbor again. “I have a request though...” He gingerly slapped the wet ass and nudged Aziraphale to climb of.

Aziraphale took the queue and cautiously stood up and stepped back to allow Crowley up. Bashfully, the angel looked at Anthony “W..what is... y... your re-request?” He watch the slender body stand up and move towards him. The shower soaked Anthony was even more of a turn on than dry. The water cascaded of the chiseled body like rain off a mountain. Water ran down ever curve and valley of the toned tanned body was mesmerizing. Before he knew what was happening, Crowley was inches away, slowly stroking the angel’s manhood. Aziraphale’s knees nearly let go, but he was able to catch himself from falling. “Fuck... Anthony.” He grabbed on to taller and buried his face into the right freckled shoulder.

“I want you...” Anthony started. Then he tilted Aziraphale’s chin up to lock eyes. “... Show~ me ~ what~ you~ got~ I want to feel you slamming into me with everything you got.” He let go of well endowed angel and kissed those sweet lips one more time before turning around. He pushed the shower door open a bit and grabbed a bottle of lube, and closed the door again. He took Aziraphale’s right hand place the bottle in it. “Take me to Heaven... My Angel~”

Aziraphale looked down at the bottle of lube, then up to Crowley. “I’m... well... that is...” Thinking back on his past relationship, he was never that good according to his ex lovers.

Anthony picked up on this and sighed. “I see... Well~ I guess... there is only one thing to do.” He kissed the angel’s forehead and took the bottle. “Turn off the water, dry off, and come back to bed.” With that Crowley smiled and kissed Aziraphale passionately before leaving the shower to dry off and return to the bed.

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

(Vol. VII)

It was a love story, from the very beginning.

(4x22)

You have to stop it.

We have to stop it.

Hello my dear Fandom!! How are you feeling?

Ok, this is the last volume from season 4!!!!

In this one, I will talk about 4x22 LUCIFER RISING. And how our beautiful angel fell for follow his heart.

Thanks to my friend @agusvedder for the gifs you will find in this meta!

Let's start.

I'm sorry again.

Dean and Sam were separated, after a very heated fight. Dean was so worried, and he didn't know if he should call his brother or not. Bobby felt he needed to convince Dean... then... He appeared in the green room.

There was Zachariah and Castiel again in the background. Obedient. Silent.

ZACHARIAH: Lilith has to break it. She's the only one who can. Tomorrow night -- midnight.

DEAN: Where?

ZACHARIAH: We're working on it.

DEAN: Well, work harder.

ZACHARIAH: we'll do our job. You just make sure you do yours.

DEAN: Yeah, and what is that, exactly? If I'm supposed to be the one that stops her, how? With the knife?

ZACHARIAH: All in good time.

DEAN: Isn't now a good time?

ZACHARIAH: Have faith.

DEAN: What, in you? Give me one good reason why I should.

Here... Dean having faith was something new. But he didn't have faith in these manipulative angels, these heartless robots with a fancy deathly mission. He had learn to have faith in Cas. But now... Listening to Zachariah repeating the what Dean had swore in the middle of desperate situation... He remembered who made him say it...

... and Can knows too. It was him. He swore that time, because Castiel's manipulation learned in Heaven. And he feels guilty. Friends doesn't do that... But... Are they even friends?

The second time Castiel and Dean saw each other in the green room, was when Dean did this symbolic call...

Dean makes an angel fall LITERALLY, and immediately after that, look who appears behind him. You can't be subtle with this scene, they are showing us that DEAN MADE CASTIEL FALL, LITERALLY FALL, FOR HIM. But in the fall... The angel breaks... And that's the thing that will occur with CAS.

The third time Castiel appears is when Dean was trying to communicate with Sammy, using his cell phone... Cas went to him... To make a kind of apology... Parallel with that scene in 14x19 when Dean was praying and he appeared at the instant.

DEAN What are you gonna do to Sam?

CASTIEL: Nothing. He's gonna do it to himself.

DEAN: What's that supposed to mean?

(CASTIEL looks down)

Oh, right, right. Got to toe the company line. Why are you here, Cas?

CASTIEL We've been through much together, you and I. And I just wanted to say, I'm sorry it ended like this.

DEAN "Sorry"?

Castiel wanted to talk with Dean, even knowing they were watching. He knew there was something between them. Maybe friendship? Camaraderie? He didn't know what name use for this... And he was saying I'M SORRY AGAIN. Maybe not knowing why. He even had said that to Anna. And she had said to him he didn't sorry. Because he couldn't feel. Well... Now it was different... It really was...

Seeing through you

Castiel could feel in the air Dean was trying to drag him to him. And his words were intoxicating for the angel's heart. That rebellious way to find your own path. Free will. So bright, so forbidden.

CASTIEL Try to understand -- this is long foretold. This is your...

DEAN Destiny? Don't give me that "holy" crap. Destiny, God's plan... It's all a bunch of lies, you poor, stupid son of a bitch! It's just a way for your bosses to keep me and keep you in line! You know what's real? People, families -- that's real. And you're gonna watch them all burn?

And there it was again. Castiel trying to resist it and Dean fighting against orders. He could understand what Dean was saying... He knew it. It was his doubts talking again to him.

Why is Castiel saying this?? Is he seeing through Dean? Certainly he is. But... He needed to invalidate what Dean was trying to show him. He needed to low down all that Bright Lights coming from this man. He was offering something forbidden and dangerous. Free Will, rebellion. No, he couldn't. He needed to stop that. So he used this. Those hard words to make this human to shut up. To make him understand something not even he, an angel, believe. But he was a soldier. He had to obey. So yes. There's nothing there worth to be saved.

And Dean, he knows all those words are true, he knows it. And he is loosing hopes, but he keeps fighting, he knows Castiel is the only one there who can help him... He helped him once... He knows it... He feels Castiel is different...

CASTIEL: In paradise, all is forgiven. You'll be at peace. Even with Sam.

Here... Castiel look to a side... Because he knows that's a lie. He is lying. And lying to himself too...

So Dean looks for Castiel gaze again... He needed to look at him in the eye. Beacuse these two talk with their eyes. Since they first met. And Dean was honest here...

DEAN: You can take your peace... and shove it up your lily-white ass. 'Cause I'll take the pain and the guilt. I'll even take Sam as is. It's a lot better than being some Stepford bitch in paradise. This is simple, Cas! No more crap about being a good soldier. 

He turned Castiel around brusquely. HE WANTED MAKE CASTIEL SEE THE REALITY. TURN HIM BY HIS SIDE. He needed him to see. NOT MORE CRAP ABOUT TO BEING A GOOD SOLDIER.

Why you didn't help me???? Dean was pushing him again, pushing him to that dangerous path, to get close again to him.

DEAN: You know it! You were gonna help me once, weren't you? You were gonna warn me about all this, before they dragged you back to Bible camp. Help me -- now. Please.

CASTIEL: What would you have me do?

He is doubting again... This human... This man...

DEAN: Get me to Sam. We can stop this before it's too late.

CASTIEL: I do that, we will all be hunted. We'll all be killed.

Castiel knows the consequences, he has a lot to lose. A lot.

DEAN: If there is anything worth dying for... this is it.

Gif credit @magnificent-winged-beast

Look at this... At Castiel's face... The doubt... The fight inside him. The whirlwind in his mind. He can lose everything, he will fall if he follows this man. Is the most important moment in his life. Thai decision would change everything... And he can't do that. He just can't...

DEAN: You spineless... 

(DEAN turns and walks away) 

…soulless son of a bitch. What do you care about dying? You're already dead. We're done.

CASTIEL: Dean...

Castiel is in pain... Because he had disappointed Dean. But he is asking a lot from him.

DEAN: We're done!

And Castiel flew away.

The intensity of this scene is huge. And Castiel's inner fight, so painful and hard. Dean was pushing him as always... Castiel knew Dean was right... He just needed to make the hardest decision in his ancient life...

We have to stop it

Then... Suddenly...

Castiel decided, he chose free will, he chose to die for humans, to die for the Winchester. To die for Dean.

And the huge amount of sexual tension in this scene is irresistible.

Dean is aroused. Look at his face, he is amazed, he is afraid, but at the same time... He is enchanted again. He can't with himself and he drops his eyes to Castiel's lips... Yeah... Sexually aroused. The power coming from Castiel, is too much to handle. And he is helping him??? He understands the sign Cas makes him with his eyes. Yes. He is helping him. He chose him.

Dean watches in awe how Castiel draws on the wall a sigil with his own blood. So quickly, the hunter couldn't even react. Then Zachariah arrives and Castiel send him to somewhere...

And remember 4x03 the time traveling? When Cas repeated at him once and once and again YOU HAVE TO STOP IT.

And then again in 4x21 Cas said again: YOU WILL STOP HIM.

And now In this episode 4x22 Zachariah said to him YOU WILL STOP HIM.

It was always DEAN, AND JUST DEAN, THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN STOP WHEREVER TAHT IS? DEMON? LUCIFER? Well... He isn't alone anymore...

Now is a WE. WE HAVE TO STOP HIM. YOU AND ME. THE TWO OF US. From that moment on, Dean wouldn't be alone anymore, the WINCHESTERS won a loyal Ally.

And Dean maybe isn't so conscious about what had he done... He made an angel fell for him. For his insistence. For showing him the brightness of free will.

I thin the amazement for Dean about this angel haven't finished yet... Because when they arrived to Chuck's place... This is what happened...

CHUCK: Yeah, but you guys aren't supposed to be there. You're not in this story.

CASTIEL: Yeah, well...

Look at Dean's face... He is surprised beacuse Castiel's words. And he feels admiration for him. He sacrifice everything for them. And that's priceless for Dean.

Then he made another sacrifice when the Archangel arrives...

CASTIEL: It's the Archangel!

(to DEAN)

I'll hold him off! I'll hold them all off! Just stop Sam!

Yes he gave his own life...

"If there is anything worth dying for... this is it."

Dean words stayed in Castiel's heart for ever.

To conclude.

Castiel's fall with his prelude in early episode, had a intense resolution.

Dean persistence and heart speech helped Castiel to chose him and humanity over his own family.

The communication between Dean and Cas had always been his eyes... And @agusvedder wanted to share with you this observation, and that would explain the amount of gazes between Dean and Cas... The eyes are the mirrors from the souls. And Destiel was always about that. About watching at each other's hearts and souls with their eyes.

From this moment on, Castiel become the Winchesters's angel. He took a new mission. And he will show to these two men his loyalty is gold.

Thanks for read this meta, I c-u soon in the next volume starting season 5!!

C-u!! 😘💕💕

Tagging @metafest @gneisscastiel @mrsaquaman187 @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @agusvedder @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @castiellover20 @whyjm @koshisekisen @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @cheerstofandomfamily @drsilverfish @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @hippyatheart80 @xsghn @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia

Note: if you want to be tagged in the Destiel Chronicles tag list just let me know!

If you want to read the previous volumes, the links are here:

Vol. I/Vol. II/Vol. III/Vol. IV/Vol. V/Vol. VI

Buenos Aires April 16th 2019 9:19 PM