#okay in my writing thing this is 18 pages long how did I do this

[g0atmama]

Found Me

All nine parts of Open Air, Helpess, and Firecracker combined into one post. Vorys belongs to @sneakygreenbean and Critter is @twilit-critter

Open Air

Vorys Seduri ; Open Air

Days sometimes dragged together. Washing the same dishes daily, in the same place, with the same people. Sometimes, though, things would change. Sometimes, Vorys would be visited in the middle of work by someone who brought everything to a screeching halt by her unexpected presence.

Today was one of those days.

When she arrived, he could tell. Not even hearing her, or seeing the high ordinators that always surrounded her when she left the temple. It was how people stopped whispering to each other. Stopped gossiping. Ze often ignored the whispers about them. There were a lot about hir relationship with the woman that was coming ever closer.

Then she came into view. She was speaking to others who passed, her voice like morning birdsong. Vorys couldn’t keep himself from looking, now. He could ignore the fact that she was coming closer until he could see her. Then he’d stare. His heart would flutter. She was smiling at a child, running up despite her father trying to keep a hold of her. A young mer, probably only a few decades old.

Vorys’ hands kept moving, but his eyes watched. Watched as the little girl offered Lady Ayem a frozen treat she had. It could easily be broken in half, but not for one as small as the girl. An ordinator to the right of the living goddess knelt down, offered to help. The little girl looked afraid for a moment, staring up at the mask. But, she ultimately gave the guard the treat to help break it. Half was handed back, the other to Almalexia.

With a sweet voice, she thanked the girl. Her father came up quickly, picking her up and apologizing- only for the goddess to laugh. She can’t fault children, they’re adorably innocent and don’t always understand decorum. She winked to the little one as her father turned away, taking a bite from the frozen treat.

Then, her attentions turned to Vorys, with an even greater smile. Closer, straight into the kitchen, to take his hand with hers and offer a bite of the treat. He flushed as he took one- part of his mind latched onto the fact that she had moments before taken one as well. And it wasn’t as if there was another part of this you could bite. No, his mouth had to go where hers had just been.

She waved her Ordinators to back up, to allow even a little space. They never went far. She smiled again, pressing a kiss to the corners of Vorys’ mouth. One left, one right.

“You’re taking tomorrow off,” She stated as an order, as a goddess. Then her tone shifted, an excited partner. A side of her she’s hidden for so very long, “There’s a gala coming soon, Vivec and Sil are bringing their partners. You need to visit with my tailors.”

It was a lot of information to take in at once. And it wouldn’t take just one day to-

“Actually, you may as well take a week off. We have a lot to do to get you ready.”

All Vorys could really do was laugh and roll his eyes. She was adorable when she acted like this. Sure, he loved the goddess, but this was a side of the goddess. One only he got to see. The part of her that is, still, mortal. That reminds him that she was once mortal.

She kissed him again, pulling his mind to focus. He’d be attending a gala as the Lady Almalexia’s partner. Her beau, as the Bretons would say. He couldn’t help the blush that crept up his face, which only made her laugh. She gently pressed, a small nudge and smile.

“I… Guess it’s a date.”

Critter ; Open Air

The Creature was in the garden. Kneeling, knees up close to its chest. It stared at a group of pebbles, small and insignificant to most others. And yet the Creature was enthralled by them. It moved one arm down, carefully pushing one over. It fell, revealing a streak of red.

Its eyes narrowed as it ran a clawed finger over the streak. Red, like its eyes. But this garden was made long before it had ever met Sil. Long before it ever came to this universe. It looked to another pebble, pushing it over.

It was more uniform. A tiny flicker of a smile crossed its face, as it thought of how odd that was. Describing a pebble as uniform. Only in the Clockwork City.

It sighed. It let itself lower down, letting its knees touch the ground before sitting completely. It picked up a handful of the pebbles with one pair of its hands. The other pair started picking through so it could look at each one. It didn't even know what it was looking for. Perhaps this was just something to do while Sil was busy. Perhaps it wanted to see how many had sudden streaks of color.

It was hard to startle the Creature. The Clockwork King never even tried to. He approached softly, stepped carefully and breathing the flowery scent of the garden. Holographic visions of his smiling sister appeared. He felt the right corner of his mouth flicker up into a smile. Nall would have loved the Creature.

"Moon," Seht called softly, pulling the red eyes towards him. The Creature spoke not, only staring. Slowly standing. "There is a formal event I am required to attend. A gala for the tribunal temple. I…"

His words wandered. His mind with them. The Creature's tail swished. The clothes it wore, there was nothing like it. Perhaps…

Perhaps he could find a tailor. Maybe visit his sister's city. Perhaps his brother-sister. Though he was sure there had to be tailors in his own, perhaps one of sufficient talent in the Brass Fortress. But would the Creature even like the feeling?

His eyes registered what the Creature was doing. Looking at stones. Pebbles. Hm, that was odd. Perhaps the Creature found it interesting that Sil had handcrafted each one. He had, hadn't he? Oh, suddenly he couldn't quite remember. Though he did recall creating some with a bit of extra color striking through. He remembered how much Nall had loved seeing stones with extra color.

"Sil?" The Creature's voice was raspy this time. It pulled his mind back from its wandering. Seht smiled a bit. More than usual, but still not very large.

"I would appreciate it if you accompanied me. Vivec and Almalexia will be having their partners. However, given that it has always been a very public event, I would understand if you'd rather not attend."

The Creature made a soft chittering noise from deep in its throat. It was thinking, mulling over the thought. It closed its eyes, the clothes on its body shifting, morphing in an amorphous blob Sil had no words to describe. Vivec would have found the words, he mused in the back of his mind.

"Will we wear matching clothes?"

The question caught the Clockwork King off guard. "If you wish to, I suppose we can."

Hannabi Sendas ; Open Air

Sometimes Hannabi really hated working for a Hlaalu. And not just as a House thing, sure she was Redoran, but that could be bearable if the man wasn't so stingy. She sighed deeply, devolving into a barely hidden groan as a customer approached to order some of the food.

Her face was starting to hurt from the fake smiles. But smile she did. It was an ordinator, carrying his helmet under his arm. One who came in quite often for his lunch, one her Hlaalu boss said eats for free. He wasn't getting food today, though. At least not yet. He asked if she had been given her break yet.

She had not.

The ordinator frowned. He put his helmet on, looking to the odd Telvanni scrying orb the boss had gotten. "Lord Vivec has an important discussion to be had with Lady Sendas. She will return only when the discussion is finished."

With that, the Ordinator nodded to Hannabi. She moved quickly, pulling the apron and gloves off to follow him to the Temple. Or… not? He instead led her to the little dining room in the building, where Vivec was waiting with another ordinator.

They had already had their lunch rush, so there were only a few people around. It seemed one had just spoken to the warrior-poet, returning to his seat with a quiet and respectful greeting to Hannabi. She sat across from Vivec.

His smile always made her heart flutter. His hands reached, taking hers. He kissed her hands, each of her knuckles. He noticed a tiny scratch and a barely-there bruise that hadn't been there that morning. The cleaning tools were always scratchy. And she kept bumping her hand into things.

He laughed. Her heart soared at the sound. He gently kissed the injuries, then looked to her with a mirror of the adoring look she was giving him.

“My dove, we will soon be attending a religious gala in Mournhold. You will have to take time off to get fitted for the dresses."

She blinked. A gala would be formal… she hadn't been somewhere formal in years. Decades. Not since her mother had dragged her and her brother to a Redoran event in an attempt to get them betrothed to bolster the Sendas family. Her mother was always so absorbed in rank.

And yet, there was excitement. A part of her always loved seeing the pretty dresses other women would wear. She loved all the fabrics and styles and patterns. Vivec could see it, how her eyes sparkled at the idea of getting to wear a dress her family could never afford.

Vivec hummed happily, pulling his hands away. Hannabi followed him as he stood, magic shimmering over her body. His own magic, illusions for his own mind. She couldn't see the outfits he was testing upon her. She couldn't see the myriads of colors he was testing upon her flesh. He wanted to bring out the vibrancy of her purple eyes.

"Mmh." He said after a long moment. "We'll summon tailors to attend your dress."

Helpless

Vorys Seduri ; Helpless

Ayem had taken Vorys by the hands the moment he entered the room. It was massive, extravagant tapestries draped all over the walls. The curtains were pulled, only one window remained open. A stained glass one, depicting the goddess herself. It cast the room in pale gold. The others were blocked by extremely heavy red curtains.

Vorys’ eyes wandered, looking around as Almalexia pulled him along. He took in the tapestries of the Three. The unfinished one still in the loom. His eyes lingered there, a flush creeping up his features. Was that…? It looked like him.

There was a third person in the room. Another dunmer, with her black hair in several braids. She smiled so warmly, offering a hand to help Vorys step onto the small platform surrounded by mirrors. He tried to keep himself from looking at them- he didn’t really want to look directly at himself. Not when he was in his work clothes, with Almalexia in her fine clothes right there. He saw a shimmer in the mirror.

Ayem now stood in a silk and satin dress. Indoril blue, with gold accents. Long, hugging her so tightly. It pushed her chest up, drawing her love’s eyes right to them. Then they moved, continuing down to take in all the sheer fabric that draped around her hips and shoulders. A piece between her arms-

The other dunmer cleared her throat. She held a tape measure now, gesturing to Vorys’ clothes. She smiled a bit. “Apologies, serjo. I’ll need you to take off your clothes so I can get a proper measurement. You can keep the underclothes, but…”

Vorys nodded. Almalexia stepped up to the pedestal, helping him get the clothes off. He couldn’t keep his face from heating up at how close she stood. The feeling of her hands on his back, pushing the cloth off… Then she stepped down again, giving a little twirl when she saw his eyes still locked on her. Letting him see how gorgeous she felt in the dress.

--

It was hours in that room. Hours of feeling different fabrics, seeing different colors laid over his shoulders. Hearing Ayem and the seamstress discussing patterns and cuts. They seemed to have an idea. An illusion was cast over his body, a false image of a robe. Loose, a few shades off from Telvanni brown. His head tilted, watching as Ayem and the seamstress took bunches of fabric, pinning it up like it wasn’t an illusion.

Ayem traced her finger in a shape over his chest. The illusory fabric vanished, leaving and open space. Another piece was draped over his shoulder, crossing over it. The goddess smiled. Yes, this would do nicely. She looked excited, suddenly jumping onto the platform to kiss Vorys.

The feeling made his heart skip a beat. The seamstress turned away, ignoring the display. Ignoring how Mother Morrowind held her love’s jaw with one hand, pulling him into another peck. She was so happy. So excited by all these ideas. Vorys couldn’t help mirroring her smile. The excitement was bubbling up in his chest.

The seamstress left, gathering up fabric. Ayem threw a glowing orb towards her- she caught it before closing the door, leaving the two alone. The illusory robe was gone, leaving him only in underclothes… Which she didn’t mind as much as he did. She hummed, laughing softly, when he started clothing himself again.

Critter ; Helpless

The Creature decided it would just shift its body to mimic clothing. Instead, it sat and watched as Sil was fitted and had loose fabric pinned all over. It looked like a mess. Honestly, the Creature couldn’t even tell what the tailor was trying to achieve. That was a lot of fabric.

But then… It still looked good, if it had to say. Maybe it was just because it was Sil. But the fabrics still confused it. Well… They had to know what they were doing. Right? Honestly, it would be fine if Sil just wore the same robe he always did.

But, Sil had told him, this was expected. He must do as his people expect of him. A formal robe he would wear only once. It didn’t really make much sense to the Creature. But then again, the Creature could wear anything it wanted. Technically speaking, that is. It never actually wore anything, only shifting its body. And that’s what it would do, after seeing what was made for Sil.

It would shift to match. Not exactly, but something nice. Something similar. They would compliment each other, even if it wasn’t seen by many. It would be happy knowing that they did. It watched, watched as many fabrics were lain over Sil’s shoulders and hips, sliced and cut and styled. It didn’t make any sense.

But, eventually, Sil was released. The fabrics still made no sense! But the tailor said he had what was needed. With a bow, the tailor gathered up his fabrics and started working. Sil gently took one of the Creature’s hands, leading it out of the workshop.

The artificial sun was high. It was about… Noon, probably. A pair of children raced past, playing tag. Born in the city. It made Sil smile, even as the Creature moved behind him, resting its head on top his crown like it was made for such a thing. Hm- maybe Sil should add a little indent for its comfort.

“You like seeing children in the city?” The Creature’s eyes watched the children play. Watched as they ran between the legs of factotums. Seht sighed deeply. Heavily.

“I enjoy seeing my city being as any other. Children are an essential part of any city. Seeing them at play means they feel safe and comfortable. It’s a glowing review, even if they don’t know it.”

The Creature snorted back a laugh. Of course Sil would feel that way. It should have known. It looked down. It blinked.

“So… The tailor knows what to do with all that?” Sil nodded in response. He conjured up a small image.

Only visible to himself and the Creature, Sil showed him the tailor’s plans. It would be a robe of sorts. Sort of a jacket. It would be white, reaching down to his shins. The fabric would be a bit loose, with a pattern of blue cubes around the shoulders and wrists. The Creature nodded a bit… Took a step back.

Sil turned to watch. Watch as the Creature started shifting, trying to mimic what the illusory image showed. Sil couldn’t help the laugh when he saw the Creature in exactly the same, just with red cubes. The sound was rare. It made the Creature smile.

“Maybe you shouldn’t match me exactly. Here, let me…”

Sil’s illusion became the Creature. It watched with fascination as Sil worked with it, making small changes. Moons instead of cubes. The pattern of moon phases wrapping around its wrists. Draping fabric resting atop its tail. Hm. Yes, it supposed that could do.

Hannabi Sendas ; Two

It didn’t take long for them to settle on a style of dress. Not even really a dress, more like a skirt and top. Simple but elegant, with her midriff exposed to accent Vivec's own attire he’d be wearing. The tailor worked silently, pinning the fabric of the skirt in place while the warrior-poet floated ahead, watching and helping with how it looked.

The skirt was long, made of black silk. It would have a long cut, revealing almost all of her left leg. There’d be a Redoran-shade sash around her hips, holding the skirt in place and offering the pop of color that was to be expected of a House dunmer. However, there would also be a more subtle declaration of faction. A soft purple-ish blue trim wrapping around the fabric that would drape over her chest. Under, she’d wear something to ensure wind wouldn’t cause a wardrobe malfunction. But still, she’d wear little.

And, by the look Vivec was giving her, he would love it. Love seeing her in such loose clothes, free to dance as she wanted. And perhaps, he’d adore seeing the way other mer looked at her. How the races of man would look upon the young dunmer lady.

All the while, as the tailor worked and Vivec assisted, Hannabi’s mind wandered. Wandered to the gala. To what her mother would possibly say about it. How her grandfather, the one on her mother’s side, would insist she wear the tiny circlet he’d helped his daughter pay to have made. This was a House dunmer event, after all. She should have nothing to betray she was part Ashlander.

The thought brought a sigh. Louder than she intended. Both men paused. Vivec the first to speak.

“Dove, is everything okay?”

She blinked… Then nodded. It wasn’t a secret who her grandmother was. It was no secret, not in this city. She carried Ahemmusa blood, as well as Redoran. She gave one of their small, barely visible signals. A sign she would tell him later, and that it was about her blood. Vivec nodded, turning attention back to the tailor… And dismissed him, sending off to get to sewing the fabric together.

The tailor bowed, gathering up the fabric and pins, and departed. Off to his workspace, his store down in St Olms canton. Vivec allowed Hannabi sit, in the plush bed they’d often share. His hands moved over her body, now bare to him. Gentle touches, sweet massages of the muscles he knew would be sore after even a partial work day.

She didn’t even need to say it. He knew. He was learning her mind, learning of the challenges she faced. So she didn’t need to say it. Instead, he produced a new circlet. Similar to the one her mother had made, but the elytra of the beetle was made from tiny, glittering scales. It would be eye-catching. But, more importantly, it was another subtle way of showing she was proud of both bloodlines that connected within her. No matter what her mother said.

And, that he was proud to declare the granddaughter of an Ashlander as his beloved.

Firecracker

Vorys Seduri ; Firecracker

The gala was hosted in Mournhold. It was outside, under a mystical tapestry that kept bugs away. Almalexia didn’t let any Telvanni even try to help. The night was young, the sun just barely set over the horizon. People would be arriving soon. The others of the triune. Almalexia let herself hold Vorys’ arm, smiling so wide and warm as she walked with him. Speaking with nobles of all houses, introducing him to them. So many greeted him with great smiles.

The Master of Ceremonies spoke up suddenly. Loudly- his voice even louder than natural due to a clockwork device around his shoulders. He announced Lord Vivec. Accompanied by a Redoran woman, of a family Vorys hadn’t heard of. The Sendas family. They must have been small.

Almalexia suddenly pulled him towards the warrior-poet. They met in the middle, next to a flowerbed of vibrant hues. Vorys was quiet, smiling and nodding a greeting to the woman beside Vivec. Hannabi. Their loves spoke for a while, before attention was turned to others.

Eventually, they started talking to each other. Softly, smalltalk. The Master of Ceremonies spoke up again. It was an hour since Vivec had arrived.

“With great pride, I announce the arrival of Lord Sotha Sil. Accompanying our Clockwork God is…” The man’s voice trailed off. There were whispers. Harsh things. Everyone, including Vorys, turned to look. What… What was that thing? A daedra?

It was Sil who spoke next, gently taking the device from around the Master’s neck.

“Accompanied by the Herald of the Void.”

… What?

Sotha Sil and the creature moved directly to join the others of the Triune. And their partners. Vorys looked to the Sacred Lady, searching her body language for instruction. She was open, greeting Seht with a great smile. Vivec, the same, though his smile was more subdued.

Then introductions. Vivec and Ayem had given each other the introductions of their partners. Now it was time for Sotha Sil’s… Creature. It was Ayem who spoke first. She put her hands upon Vorys’ torso, over his ribs. The touch startled him at first.

“This,” she said, “is my darling Vorys Seduri. Vorys, darling, I’m sure you know Sil.”

He nodded. It felt so… He wasn’t sure. Disrespectful? Blasphemous? To look upon two of the Triune and not bow his head. But Almalexia had assured him it would be okay.

Sil greeted with a small smile of his own, introduced his partner. The Creature. Critter, if those speaking to it were inclined.

The gala went on well into the night. Music wasn’t always slow dances, sometimes it was upbeat celebratory music. Vorys swore he even saw a few of the ordinators doing tiny dances along with the music. None would ever admit it though. The moons were high, there was a small bit of fog rolling in. All in all, it was a wonderful night. Even if Vorys would be exhausted the next morning.

Then, the music shifted. It was quiet for a moment, as the players got on the same page of what to play. Vivec had whispered something to Hannabi, and she had moved to speak with them. They seemed happy to oblige with whatever she’d said.

The music was gentle. Grand. Everyone, even Vorys, knew what the intentions were. Others moved away, children scooped up by parents. Vorys found himself suddenly in front of everyone, with Almalexia before him. Vivec wanted the tribunal to be seen dancing with their loves.

Vorys didn’t pay attention to the fact that Sotha Sil and Critter didn’t join them. His focus was on Ayem. On her smile and laugh as they danced. On the movements, the ones she taught him through the week. An old Chimer dance, one she hadn’t done in centuries.

Not since Nerevar was her husband.

It started with a bow. He bowed to her, she took his hands. He tried not to step on her toes. Or trip on his own feet. He did, a few times. It only made her laugh. She didn’t seem to mind it, despite how harshly she craved perfection. He heard a few whispers. Saw a few people leaning to speak with each other. He couldn’t be sure if it was because of him or Hannabi.

The music came to a close. Almalexia took him close, as she’d helped him practice. The end of the dance was a swapping of roles, letting the other lead. Letting Mother Morrowind lead him in a few more steps, then the flourish she would end with. She hadn’t practiced that with him, she’d wanted it to be a surpr-

She kissed him.

His mind skipped, as if a moment was plucked from his thoughts. She kissed him. Almalexia kissed him! His heart felt light. The whispers around him didn’t matter. All that mattered really was the fact that she chose that to be the flourish to end their dance.

He returned the kiss.

Critter ; Firecracker

Truth be told, the Creature was incredibly nervous. Stepping out of the Clockwork City at Sotha Sil’s side, everything should have been okay. It shouldn’t have been so nervous. Perhaps it was because this was a gala. It had never been to a gala before. It was excited!

Sotha Sil led it out, explaining that there would, at some point in the night, be expectation for the Triune to dance with their partners. He did not expect that of Critter. If Critter did not want to, they didn’t have to. Least of all, in front of everyone. It would be a spectacle, surely… To be honest, Seht added with the tiniest hint of mirth, he wasn’t even sure what they’d dance. Almalexia and Vivec had surely planned theirs.

The Creature chuckled. It reached over, took one of Sil’s hands in one of its four. Sil smiled again. It was so nice to see him smiling so often. It loved the sight. As much as it loved him. The moons hung in the sky when they exited the cave. Seht’s power pushed the waterfall away, mostly to keep the Creature from getting bogged down with soaking wet fur.

There was already a great crowd when they arrived.

A man was announcing people, wearing a clockwork device around his neck. It amplified his voice as he spoke. Already loud, but now even louder. Before them, he announced someone from House Indoril, a couple and their young child.

“With great pride, I announce the arrival of Lord Sotha Sil. Accompanying our Clockwork God is…” The man’s brows furrowed, staring at the Creature.

Sil whispered to the Creature, said that no one would know what to call it. The Creature thought for a moment, then whispered back. Sil chuckled, then spoke up, carefully borrowing the man’s device.

“Accompanied by the Herald of the Void.”

Whispers rippled among the crowd as it walked down the stairs with Sotha Sil. Everyone was greeting the others of the Three in One, approaching the platform they stood upon with their two partners. Sotha Sil led the Creature to join them.

Vivec was accompanied by a woman, Almalexia by a man. The Creature’s eyes looked down, seeing more devices. On the man’s feet. Huh.

Sotha Sil was introducing it. Critter, if they were inclined to call it. He made a point of specifying that, not he, not she, not they. It.

The Tribunal turned to their discussions. Greeting those who still arrived. The Creature offered a nervous smile to the two dunmer. The man looked more nervous than the woman. The woman- Hannabi, Vivec’s partner- smiled warmly. Something about it felt practiced. She was probably taught more about being the partner of a god, it surmised.

She spoke so warmly. So friendly. It felt nice, even if it sounded practiced. But she couldn’t fake the fact that she wasn’t afraid. The Creature slowly relaxed, speaking with the two of them.

Eventually, it sat upon a crate. It went and dragged a crate over specifically to sit on it. Sil came over, leaned upon the very same crate. It didn’t need to look at him to know how exhausted he was. How tiring this was on his mind, to keep up these appearances.

But, both watched as Hannabi went to speak with the ones playing music. Sil hummed.

“Vivec has sent her to get the Triune’s dance started… Are you up to it?”

The Creature stared. Watched as the people moved, watched as Vivec met Hannabi at the bottom of the stairs, as Almalexia pulled Vorys to the same place. It hummed in thought.

“Can we do it here?”

It could hear Sil sigh in relief. It could tell he didn’t want to be in front of people as much. It jumped down. They didn’t know what to dance. They hadn’t planned it. It looked like Almalexia and Vorys had practiced. It wasn’t so sure about Vivec and Hannabi. It was hard to tell.

Sotha Sil offered his hand. The Creature took it. It felt its body pulled closer, gently pressed against the Mainspring’s body. It felt… Light. As Sil moved with it. Gentle motions, a dance it had never seen before. Or maybe it had, and it just didn’t remember from where. But it was sure Sil had never seen it.

But they were together. Up in their own private corner, even if it was still visible to those who looked. They danced, moved with the music. The Creature let Sil lead, not sure if it knew the steps. It enjoyed the feeling.

The music was ending. Sil’s face was so close to its.

Sil flushed.

It kissed him.

Hannabi Sendas ; Firecracker

Hannabi was eager. They’d taken the ship at sundown. There were Armigers aboard, including her father. The man stood beside Vivec, tiniest of blushes on his cheeks as the Warrior-Poet praised how Hannabi looked. How proud Vivec supposed he was of his daughter, being such an exquisite young dunmer woman.

The ship ride was calm. It was easy. Coming into port, they had a few hours to kill before the gala started. Hannabi couldn’t even remember what they did. She was too excited for the gala.

It was outside, under beautiful stars and sparkling lightstrings. Hannabi walked at Vivec’s side. Tonight, at least as she approached the gala, she was Redoran. Once inside, once on the platform with the others of the Three, she could be Ashlander. She could be just Hannabi. But, until then, she walked at his side, her hand in his.

Almalexia was already there, glowing brightly. She could see her across the piazza. It was harder to see the dunmer beside her. Only just because the goddess shone so bright.

“With great pleasure, I announce the arrival of our Lord Vivec, accompanied tonight by Lady Hannabi Sendas of House Redoran.”

Her eyes glanced back. Her father was joining them, accompanied by another Armiger. At Vivec’s request, of course. She offered her father a reassuring smile. One he returned, then gestured with his chin for her to focus on her partner. He would be fine.

Vivec was eager to introduce her to Lady Almalexia. Even accompanying a god, even being his beloved, Hannabi bowed when introduced to the goddess. She was respectful in all things.

Vorys. Vorys was the man that accompanied Ayem. They spoke long, an hour at least, before the Master of Celebration spoke again. Sotha Sil had arrived, accompanied by…?

Hannabi looked when the man’s voice trailed off. So did Vorys. Huh. What was that thing? Not a daedra, she could tell that. But then, Sotha Sil had always had odd friends. At least, that’s what Vivec said. Perhaps it was a daedra.

“Accompanied by the Herald of the Void.”

Oh. That was definitely not a daedra.

The Creature- Critter as Sotha Sil introduced it- seemed friendly enough. Hannabi didn’t mean for her customer service smile to happen, she meant for it to be genuine and friendly. But it seemed okay. They talked, they laughed, they joked.

It was a while before Vivec appeared at her side, a kiss to her jaw and hands adjusting the circlet on her head. He whispered to her. Kissed her ear. She hummed happily, moving down the massive staircase to go speak with the band. The Tribunal were to dance with their partners. Vivec had explained that to her days ago. Even helped her practice a blend of Ahemmusa dance she remembered learning from her Grandmother.

The band seemed excited. The music started slow, soft. Vivec joined her, hands reaching to take hers. She saw Almalexia and Vorys behind him. Seht hadn’t joined. Perhaps he needed a moment to rest. Vivec’s hands pulled Hannabi to their own part of the stones, giving both pairs ample room for their dances.

Almalexia and Vorys performed an old Chimeri dance. Sotha Sil and Critter, Hannabi wasn’t so sure. But, she and Vivec, she focused on, would enjoy themselves. They’d planned and blended together a formal House Dunmer dance with her grandmother’s tribe. Perfect for the loose skirt she wore, it would flare.

It was fun. It was dizzying. It was exhausting. As the music ended, Hannabi all but fell against Vivec. She felt his laugh vibrate through her body. She was so dizzy, all that spinning the Ahemmusa dance required. She hummed softly, enjoying the feeling of his hands resting upon her hips. Just above the fabric of her skirt. She ignored the sound of all the others, the sights she sometimes caught glimpses of.

All that mattered was Vivec. The way his hands held her, how his lips kissed her ear. How he whispered sweet words of praise and love.

Her body moved suddenly. Her lord decided to give a little more of a flare to their final act, spinning her around one more time. Catching her as she fell, with a bright grin looking down at her.

And a kiss.

[covetyou]

please impregnate dieter

ok bye 💜👽🛸

fine 👽🛸 beam him up, boys.

propagation

ao3 ⋆ main masterlist

pairing: Dieter Bravo x f!alien rating: Explicit (18+ only!) warnings: dub/non-con (because alien abduction), alien impregnation, implied mpreg, anal sex (including rimming and fingering), tentacle (just one), belly bulge, alien gender includes humanoid alien ladies with shapeshifting tentacle dicks, spaceship bondage, light mind control. word count: 2.8k summary: He always knew their existence to be fact, but Dieter Bravo never considered their continued existence would one day rely on him.

A/N: seeded left me with too many thots, so I accidentally stayed up until 4am writing this, and finished it this morning, thanks to this comment of yours. I hope you're happy. I have very thoroughly impregnanted That Man™, with his own hypervirile sperm.

And for anyone curious, he was beamed up into the spaceship like a Sim.

tagging a few unfortunate people who have expressed interest in my little weirdo:

@sp00kymulderr @umnitsa @missredherring @thereaperisabitch @magpiepills

@pedge-page @max--phillips

Dieter has no clue how long he's been here. It could be minutes, it could be weeks. Time stopped meaning much of anything pretty quickly - that's how it goes when you're trussed up in a windowless room, strapped up by some extraterrestrial technology the likes of which he hadn't even seen imagined on the most bizarre of movie sets.

Logically, he knows he should be afraid. If there's one thing Dieter Bravo knows, it's to fear the unknown. But, some part deep inside him knew this to always be true. These things that have him existed long before he did and would go on to exist long after him too. Even deeper down he knows that what they're doing to him right now is to ensure that continued existence.

There's no other reason he can think of for being in a position like this.

Or stripped entirely naked.

And nothing else will quite explain the contraption currently strapped to his cock.

No amount of wiggling will dislodge it, and between the way his arms are strapped up and the way his hips are hoisted high in the air, his head left to dangle as it pleases, he doesn't think it's coming off anytime soon. It's a good thing he kind of likes it, even if it does make him feel a bit like a dairy cow.

In the minutes, hours, days, since he's been here, not a single soul has bothered to come in to see him. He didn't know if this damn tube that was pumping him was even okay to piss into, or where his next meal would come from. Realistically, he hadn't thought that he'd die here - it didn't feel like that kind of thing. Still, the fact remained that he hadn't seen a single living thing since the light took him and the floating feeling took over his body.

It was a floaty feeling, thanks to the position he's been kept in, that hasn't quite left him. Between that and his cock being relentlessly pumped without reprieve or release, he's starting to feel desperately lonely here, floating through space or wherever here is.

No sooner does he think it, when there's a hiss of mechanical doors behind him. Dieter opens his eyes - he'd closed them some time ago - and there she is, stalking towards him on two long legs, talking to him in a tongue he's never heard.

It's an unnatural voice. Somehow too high, and too low, and lilting, and rumbling all at once. It's the voice of a dream, one he's had before, except this time it's so very real. It wraps itself around him and lodges into his bones, vibrating sound through to his core until he's gasping and suddenly understanding everything.

This is a processing chamber. He is to be processed, bred, and released.

The newfound knowledge isn't exactly a relief, but he supposes the machine trying to milk his cock without letting him come just yet makes sense. The longer he teased himself, the more he had to give, and it seemed these lifeforms already knew that too.

She purrs, dark eyes bright and curious, and it sends a jolt to his cock, twitching and swelling in the grip of the machine. If he wasn't sure about coming before, now he's certain. He doesn't care who, or what they are. He just wants to burst, to give them every last drop he has, and to make a show of it for the alien thing standing behind him. She's beautiful. Her skin practically glitters, shimmers holographic, translucent, full of sunbeams and starlight. Her eyes trace him, examining every inch, before settling between his legs where his engorged cock hangs and his balls draw up in a desperate attempt to come.

But the machine still keeps him on the cusp of losing it.

Even when one elongated finger reaches out to stroke him, tracing down the seam of his sack, he can't come, and that's when he realizes it's her doing.

"Please. You can have it. All of it. Just please..." his voice sounds thick and just about as alien to his ears as hers did, but he knows she understands him.

He knows, because with a blip and a soft whine, he's being maneuvered in his restraints by some unseen force. With legs spread wider, and his shoulders pulled back, that ethereal voice hums through him again.

...Ready for processing...

It's her. Dieter can see her out of the corner of his eye as he twists in his restraints. But she's changed. Sort of.

She still looks effervescent - her skin shifting and fizzing under his gaze - but so much about her has expanded and grown. Her fingers have gotten longer, wider, the tips practically glowing with each throb of blood through her veins. She seems taller too, and broader, rounder, but he's struggling to work out what's a trick of the too-bright light and what's real. Fuck, everything feels so real.

Most of all what Dieter notices, and can't take his eyes off, is the swelling appendage between her legs that definitely wasn't there a moment ago. He'd almost mistake it for a cock, if it wasn't for the way it moved and writhed, as if a limb all on its own.

He should be scared. He knows he should. But he knows that all that's between him and coming is being processed, and he's quite liking the look of what that means.

Another tingle ripples through him, just as the cool weight of her drops down behind him.

...Commence lubrication...

Something slippery and long slides along his ass. It slips between his cheeks, wet and slick as it glides across his puckered hole, leaving trails across his skin. Dieter can't help the groan that leaves him. If this is lubrication, he can't wait for what comes next.

And then it slides inside, the slender tip breaching his asshole for a moment, feeling wetter than any tongue he's ever had there before. He can't help but twitch in his restraints, his legs trying desperately to give him momentum to rut into the air, to give him more friction so he can just come already.

Instead, he's held still by long fingers with too many knuckles. Fingers so long they wrap around his entire thigh, anchoring him in place. He's totally at the mercy if her and her tongue - because that's definitely what it is, even if the feeling of it swirling around his rim is more than a little different to the human tongues he was used to.

It probes into him deeper, and he groans in his restraints. The machine on his cock has stopped it's sucking, but it hasn't given up it's grip. He can't bust even if he wanted to, and he's starting to think she's never going to let him come.

He can feel it. The tongue slipping deeper, her mouth meeting the skin of his asshole, and the slick rush of liquid as it pours into his hole.

He's begging. He can hear it distantly coming from his own mouth, before the soft lullaby of her voice rings in his head and turns his bones to jelly.

But then she's gone. Her mouth unlatching from his ass, the tongue slipping from his hole, and the fizz of knowing is back in his head.

...Lubrication complete...

There's so much of it he can feel it dribble and bubble out of him, leaving gloopy trails down his thighs as he shudders in the bindings keeping him hoisted high.

He can see pools of it on the floor beneath him too, and more dripping in oily globs out of him as he shudders. No lube, or saliva, he's ever experienced is like this. Nothing has ever pumped so deep and felt so good.

...Commence dilation...

Fear.

Fear because he knows those words, but doesn't know what it means for him here and now, with his ass so he exposed to her and his cock at the mercy of the machine. Dieter tries in vain to move, to tuck his ass under so he's a little less exposed.

But it's no use.

The long fingers find his thighs again, and that voice echoes through his head, bringing him to calm as the tip of one throbbing finger strokes against the slick of his hole.

When it pushes in, the stretch feels no different to the toys he's used on his own ass, or the many people he's had fuck him before. It feels good. Incredible even. Each slight fuck of the finger into him coinciding with a deep throb in his asshole.

The bulbous tip of her finger pops in and out of him, drawing more moans out of him as his rim is stretched around the appendage.

When the thinks dilation isn't too bad, her other hand creeps up to his ass, pulling him apart and holding him open.

The stretch is deeper like this. And he's nodding his head, spurring her on to finger his ass more, to go deeper and curl just the way he loves until she's milking his prostate. He knows he can come like that. He doesn't need anything on his cock, he just needs some well practiced fingers in his ass, and he has a feeling this creature is extremely well practiced at this.

Deeper doesn't come, but the stretch does. It's the stretch of another of her thick tipped fingers being pushed into his hole. And when that pops past the resistance of his asshole, he yelps, his chin wobbling in a feeble sob. Dieter can't help but gyrate his hips. He's so desperate for more he's willing to risk those fingers pulling out and holding him in place.

Except they don't.

She lets him rut this time. He can feel the pleasant approval from her in his mind as he rocks himself in the air, fucking her fingers as deep as his shallow movements will allow.

Even when the fingers tug at him in opposite directions, he doesn't stop rocking. He feels so full and stretched, that he barely registers a third finger joining the others until it's too late.

He almost panics. Almost, because he's fairly certain at that same moment she tells him to calm, to relax, and he does. The tense muscles in his asshole give in to the fingers and let them in, all three fucking into him and stretching him beyond anything he's had before. Even a fourth, and final, finger doesn't draw response from him beyond a whimper and a sob, his hips still doing whatever they can to get the digits deeper.

...Dilation complete...

And then they're gone.

And he feels so empty.

"Please. Please you can't. Don't leave me like this, please. You've got to - I need to - please. Anything. I'll do anything."

Dieter knows he's babbling. Knows she might not even understand a word he's saying, mess that he is. But he doesn't care. He's never been so desperate in his life. He wants her fingers back, or her tongue, or even that terrifying thing writhing between her legs -

...Commence insemination...

He doesn't even hear it, even though it's right there inside of his brain, unavoidable. Dieter doesn't hear, because the moment the voice floats into his body, the slick tip of her cock, more like a tentacle than any penis he'd ever seen, slips easily inside of him.

It's immediately swelling and growing as it slips deeper. He can feel as he's stretched wider and wider around it, the whines that leave his chest turning more and more desperate with each throb of the thing plundering his hole. It's deeper than anything has ever been, he can feel it as it wriggles around through him, pushing aside organs and pulsing into the deepest parts of him. It's impossibly wide too, the deep stretch in his asshole unlike anything he's ever felt, even two cocks being no match for this thing she's wedged inside of him.

And the deeper it pushes, the wider it pulls him, the more he craves it, the more he needs something to anchor him down and ground him even as he floats along, hoisted in the air of a fucking spaceship to be bred by an alien creature.

Whoever his captor is, she's benevolent, and she gives him exactly what he wants. Her long hands wrapping themselves around his hips, finger tips pressing on the bulge in his belly, massaging him and drawing soft ah ah ah's from his mouth. She likes it when he makes noise, he can tell by the burst of approval tingling down his spine, like she's singing something beautiful to him as she destroys the very hole she just prepared.

When those same fingers trail down to his balls, the throbbing in their tips turning to frantic thrumming, vibrating his sack in her hand, he knows he's done for. The machine around his cock starts sucking in earnest, switched back on by some command unheard by Dieter. The tight grip it had around his base is gone, and all he can feel is relentless sucking, the buzzing along his balls, and the writhing tentacle cock deep in his guts, fucking the life out of him.

He feels higher than he's ever been, and before he knows it he's coming, his cock throbbing and pulsing in the tube that contains him, spilling out seemingly endlessly as the thing inside him writhes, pressing against his prostate and milking him for more and more and more.

He doesn't stop coming. It's still leaking out of him, his balls spent and drawn, but his cock red and throbbing and sore but still so drippy from the relentless onslaught in his asshole.

Around him everything whirrs to life. Lights flickering on control panels, sparkling across his vision. There's movement too, above and to the sides of him, but he can't move, doesn't even much care what's going on as he still twitches and comes and comes with her tentacock buried in him.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck -"

There's pulsing. The gentle throb of her fingers was one thing, but the thing inside him is now pulsing so deep it stretches him wide as each pulse ripples from the base of her through to the tip, where he can feel it burst and fill him.

And with one final wave, the biggest yet, the thing inside him throbs and bursts once more before she releases a pained gasp. The fingers around his hips don't release, the throbbing in the tips of them so quick the vibrations are numbing his skin.

Dieter can hear it - actually hear it - her voice uttering some gibberish he doesn't understand, and the thrumming pulse of her fingers eases off, even if the depth of her cock does not.

...Processing...complete...

His own breaths are the only ones he can hear among the slow winding down of the machine around him. There's other sounds too, as his vision hazes and blurs. Snicks of tubes disconnecting, the hydraulic hiss of moving machinery, the soft steps of the alien behind him as she pulls away, and out of him, with one final gasp from both of them as the impossible length of the appendage she had buried in him finally comes free.

The machine unlatches from his cock without another sound, before collapsing into some hidden compartment in the floor. The panel lights switch themselves off, and his restraints fall slack. He can finally move again, twist to see her, even though all of him aches too much to ever want to move again.

But he does. Anything to see her one last time, because he knows in his bones that this is his last chance. He's never known it himself, but he's certain she looks how love feels. Even now as she reduces back down to something a little smaller, but nonetheless imposing, he can tell that that's what she is. And maybe it's her function, the draw of her electrifying skin. Maybe she looks this way to make processing easier. Still, looking at her, he already knows he'd do it again, if only to lay his eyes on the thing that looks so much like a love he's never known.

With a final look into those beautiful, endless eyes, he lets exhaustion take him, the last remnants of her voice flitting through his veins just as he succumbs to darkness.

...Thank you...

He dreams of a light so bright he's certain he can hear it, the harsh metallic glare of it buzzing through his ears, making them ring and his head spin.

But the light gives way to darkness as he wakes, and he sees the very same stars that took him, just as distant as they've ever been, and looking down to the city below from the hills, he sees stars there too, as close as they always are, and the ache taking deep and low in his belly is forgotten, if only until dawn breaks across the horizon.

[winchesterwild78]

First Aid

Master List

Characters: Dean Winchester x Reader, Nurse, mention of other SPN characters.

Warnings: mention of violence, death, Dean being a sweetheart (okay that’s not a warning)

A/N: This is a request: I’ve always wondered what a Dean x nurse series would look like in SPN if you ever felt inclined to write one! This will be a short series for my dear sweet friend. This first chapter is a quick set-up chapter, so not too much happening, just back story and how Dean and the Reader met. 

This will use some characters from Supernatural, but it will not follow the timeline or story. 

Minors DNI 18+

You had been a nurse for 7 years and you loved every minute of it. You worked in the local hospital so you saw your fair share of the good, the bad, and the ugly from the area. Since the area you lived and worked in was fairly small, you knew most of your patients. 

Working the graveyard shift in the emergency department had times that seemed to crawl and then there were other days that were so busy you barely took a breath. Tonight was one of those slow nights. God forbid anyone ever mention how slow it was. It would turn the whole department into pure chaos. 

You stood up from the nurses’ desk and stretched. “Hey Sarah, I’m gonna go grab a coffee, do you want anything?” “Sure, I’ll take whatever you’re getting. Thanks!” You walked towards the coffee shop in the lobby of the hospital and ordered the coffees. 

With coffees in hand you headed back to the desk where Sarah was waiting. She had a huge grin on her face. “What’s wrong with you?” “There is a very handsome man in room 3. He looks like he’s pretty banged up and might need some stitches. You do a better job with sutures so he’s all yours. Try to get his number.” She laughed and you rolled your eyes. 

You grabbed the chart and walked in the room. “Hello, Mr. Smith. My name is Y/N. I’ll be your nurse today. What seems to be the problem?” As you looked up you saw the most handsome man you’d ever laid eyes on. “Hey there sweetheart, I got into a little hunting accident. A bear tried to get me.” He smirked and lifted up his shirt showing you three long, deep claw marks across his perfectly toned, tan chest. “Oh my god! What happened to you?!” “I told you, a bear.” 

You looked at him and his piercing green eyes were looking right at you. “Um, let me get you cleaned and stitched. The doctor will come in to check you, but I’ll be the one doing the sutures.” “I’ll be waiting, sweetheart.” You smiled at him and he winked at you. 

When you walked back out Sarah was sitting at the desk and smirking at you. “Told you he was hot. Did you get his number?” She wiggled her eyebrows at you. “Girl, stop it. Yes he’s handsome, but he’s also a patient. Remember, we don’t get involved with them. Did you forget about Josh?” She rolls her eyes at you, “How could I forget about him. He was a lunatic with a drinking problem. He just wasn’t good for you.” 

You grabbed the suture tray and everything you needed to patch him up. “Can you page Dr. Franklin to come and take a look at him. I just want to make sure he’s okay and nothing internal is going on.” “Sure thing.” Sarah picked up the phone and paged, “Dr. Franklin to ER room 3, Dr Franklin to ER room 3.” 

You walked back into room 3 and he was laying back on the bed. His right arm bent and under his head, and his left arm over his face. You knocked announcing yourself. “Excuse me Mr. Smith. I’m here to clean and suture your wounds.” “Have at it. I’ll just lay here until you’re finished with me.” He smiled. You felt heat fill your cheeks. You washed your hands and put on gloves. Opening your suture kit you grabbed the cleaning solution and started to clean the wounds. “This may sting a little.” You warned him. He winced and jumped a little when you started to clean the first claw mark. “So Mr Smith, what kind of work do you do?” “Dean, call me Dean, and I work with my dad and brother in the family business.” “Okay, Dean. You said a bear got a hold of you? I’ve never seen claw marks like this from a bear. It must have been huge.” 

“Yeah, it was big, but we got him.” He chuckled when he said that. You continued to clean the wounds and as you finished cleaning them Dr. Franklin walked in. He checked Dean over and told you the sutures on his chest were all he needed, except a butterfly suture on the cut above his eye. You nodded and continued working. 

“Dean, I’m going to give you a shot to numb the area before I begin. It’s gonna pinch a little then you shouldn’t feel anything but a little tugging. If at any time you feel pain, let me know.” “Got it sweetheart, I trust you.” You bit your lip when he called you sweetheart. Being so close to him and smelling his intoxicating cologne was overwhelming your senses. 

As your hand brushed against his chest while you were suturing him, you could see the goosebumps form all over. You noticed the tattoo on his chest and wondered what it was. You smiled and bit your lip. No! Stop it, he’s a patient you can’t get involved with him. “How are you doing, Mr. Smith? Any pain?” “Nope, I’m doing great. How are you doing Nurse Y/N?” “I’m fine, almost done.” 

When you finished you put a bandage over the stitches and told him his instructions for keeping them clean and intact. Seeing the scars that covered his body, you figured he was familiar with suture care. You had to get really close to his face to apply the butterfly suture. He smelt like whiskey and cedar. Your breath hitched as his hand brushed your face. He was sweeping a fallen piece of hair out of your face. 

You backed away, “Mr. Smith, you are all done. I need you back in about 2 weeks to remove the stitches. If at any time they pop open, start oozing or you’re in any pain, I want you back in here immediately.”  “Understood. Anything to see you again.” He winked as he grabbed his shirt. “Mr. Smith, er I mean Dean, please don’t reinjure yourself just to come in here.” “Then have dinner with me,” Dean said. 

“It’s not appropriate, you’re a patient.” “Screw appropriateness, let’s go have dinner or I’ll be forced to hurt myself again so I can see your beautiful face.” “Dean, that’s extortion.” “Is it working?” He grinned and batted his green eyes at you. “Ugh! Fine, one dinner. I’m off tomorrow night, why don’t we meet here in the parking lot at 6pm? Here’s my number in case you change your mind.” “6pm, tomorrow, and don’t worry I won’t change my mind. See you tomorrow, sweetheart.” 

You smiled and nodded. He left the room and when you walked back to the desk you sat down and put your head down. “What happened?” Sarah asked. “I gave him my number and we’re having dinner tomorrow night” you said with your head still on the desk. Sarah started laughing, “Ha! I knew you couldn’t resist.” “Well he said if I didn’t he’d reinjure himself so he could see me again. What else was I supposed to do?” 

“Exactly what you did. Give him your number and go out with him. You deserve a night out.” “Yeah, I guess.” 

As you picked your head up your cell went off. 

Unknown: Hey it’s Dean

You: Hey. Didn’t think you’d actually text

Dean: What? I was willing to get injured to see you. The least I could do was text.

You: That’s true. You should be resting. 

Dean: I am, I’m in my boxers and laying in bed. 😉

You: You’re insufferable, Dean and a terrible flirt.

Dean: You just wait until tomorrow. I’ve got plans for you.

You: Oh really, like what?

Dean: It’s a surprise, but wear jeans and a t-shirt and comfortable shoes.

You: Are we going hiking?

Dean: Hell no! I don’t hike. 

You: Good, neither do I. 😀

Dean: I can’t wait to see you again tomorrow.

You: Me either. I need to run to check on a patient. Feel free to text me, it might just take me a minute or two to reply.

Dean: It’s fine. I’m going to bed soon, but I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Good night Y/N

You: Okay, sleep well, and good night Dean. 

You smiled as you put your phone down. Sarah was watching you and saw the grin on your face. She knew you were smitten.

The rest of your shift went a little faster, there were more patients that trickled in and by the time your shift was over it was quiet again. You grabbed your stuff and headed to the parking lot. Standing next to a gorgeous 1967 Chevy Impala was Dean. You smiled and walked over to him. “Good morning, Dean.” “Good morning sweetheart. How was your shift?” “It was good, what are you doing here?” “Well I couldn’t wait to see you and I knew you were probably going to go home and sleep, but I figured we could grab breakfast if you wanted.”

“Um, sure. I know the perfect cafe down the road. Want to follow me?” “Actually, can I drive you?” “Sure, I’d like that, Dean.” He opened the passenger car door and you climbed in. You looked around and the inside was perfect too. You ran your fingers lightly over the leather seats as he climbed in. 

“Your car is beautiful, Dean.” “Thanks, sweetheart. It was actually my dad’s but I’m using it right now. He bought it before he met my mom and we’ve had it ever since.” “So, tell me a little about yourself. I already know you’re an amazing nurse.” 

“Well, I moved here about 3 years ago. I wanted to get out of the city and start over. I was in a bad relationship that ended about a year ago. I have an older brother, who is married and has 3 kids. My parents are still together, and were high school sweethearts. I’m not married or seeing anyone, so my parents think I’ll be alone forever. Tell me a little about yourself, Dean.”

“Well, I have a younger brother named Sam. Our mom died when I was 4 and Sam was 6 months old. Dad is hard on us, but he’s had to raise 2 kids after the love of his life died in a house fire. So grief hardened him. I work for and with him. We travel around the country for our job and we help people. I’m not married or have a girlfriend, and no kids that I’m aware of.” He chuckled as he said that. 

You two arrived at the cafe and walked inside together. Once seated the waitress took your drink orders and left. The two of you looked over the menu and decided what to order. When the drinks arrived you two ordered your food. Dean reached across the table and took your hand in his. “Thank you for agreeing to come to breakfast with me.”  He smiled at you. “You’re welcome, thank you for coming back to see me.” You nervously bit your lip. Dean’s thumb rubbed across the back of your hand. His touch was so soft and tender. You wondered what his touch would feel like on the rest of your body. 

The food arrived and a comfortable silence fell over the table as the two of you ate. You yawned a little as you were getting full and Dean could see how tired you were. “Come on, Y/N, let’s get you a to-go box and get you home. You look exhausted.” You nodded, taking out your wallet. “What are you doing?” “I’m paying for my meal, Dean.” “Oh no you’re not. I asked you to breakfast and I’m paying. I’m nothing if not a gentleman.” He winked at you.

You threw your hands up in defeat and let him pay the tab. Taking the rest of your food he led you out of the cafe. His hand was on the small of your back. He opened the car door and you climbed in. Once in he drove back to the hospital so you can get your car. 

You got out and walked to your car and he walked with you. “Thank you again, Dean for a wonderful breakfast.” “You’re welcome, sweetheart, thanks for the wonderful patch job. In my line of work I get banged up quite a bit, so having an amazing nurse like you might come in handy.” He winked at you and you laughed. “Well, try not to get banged up between now and our dinner date.” “I’ll do my best.” 

You both looked at each other for a minute and Dean stepped closer to you. You closed the distance as he put his hands around your waist. You put your hands around his neck and your lips landed on his. At first the kiss was soft, then Dean licked your bottom lip. You slightly parted your lips and he deepened the kiss. You moaned into his mouth, neither of you wanting to pull away. You both finally pulled apart when the need for air became too much. 

Your lips landed on his again, and his hand was running up your body. He leaned you back against your car and you could feel his arousal through his jeans. Pulling away again, you looked into his green eyes. “I’ll see you later today, Dean. I should go.” You placed a soft kiss on his lips before turning to get in your car. “See you later, Y/N. Drive safely.” 

You climbed in your car and headed home. Taking one last look at Dean in the rearview mirror. You wanted nothing more than to invite him home with you, but you needed sleep and that would be the last thing you’d get if he went home with you. Your phone went off and it was a text from Dean.

Dean: Hey sweetheart. Can’t wait to see you later. Get some rest. 😙

You: I can’t wait to see you either, and I will. I’ll have sweet dreams after that kiss, that’s for sure. 

Dean: Good! I can’t wait to kiss you again.

You: Me either. Good thing I needed sleep…

Dean: Oh really? Why do you say that?

You: Oh nothing, just know I almost threw caution to the wind 😉

Dean sat in his car reading your last message trying to figure out what you meant. He thought it couldn’t mean what he thought it meant, but you did kiss him like you wanted him. He drove back to the hotel where he and Sammy were staying and walked in the room. “Hey Dean, how was breakfast?” “It was good. She kissed me and it was so good. She also sent me this text I can’t figure out.” Dean showed Sam the text and Sam started laughing hysterically. “What’s so funny?” “Dude, you can’t figure out what she meant?” “No, stop laughing Sammy!” “Dean, she was going to invite you back to her place.” 

Dean stood there dumbfounded. He’d never met a woman like you before. Smart, beautiful, caring, funny, and apparently a bit of a rebel. Dean smirked, “Hey, we are meeting for dinner later. Who knows how that will go.” 

Part 2

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[cowpokeomens]

absolution

Pairing: Pastor!Joakim "Jolly" Karlsson x fem!reader

Word Count: 5.3k

Warnings: 18+ ONLY MINORS DNI!!!!!!!!! A looot of references to religion (it all takes place in a church, so), smut smut smut (p-in-v) I'm including dubcon bc consent is weird with power dynamics, age gaps (10 yr) (everyone is of legal age though!!), some body horror stuff, power imbalance, I think that's all but if you come across something that I missed please reach out so I can tag accordingly!!! Love u bye!!!

A/N: This was really cathartic to write lmao I have a sprinkling of Religious Trauma and this helped me work through some of those feelings in my own weird horny way. It is porn, please don't start expecting me to be some kinda respectable writer with plotlines or whatever. PLEASE HEED THE TAGS. Okay enjoy!!!!

The guilt of it is eating you alive. 

The pressure between your legs- the raw, empty ache that plagues you day in and day out. Sitting on your pew, you are once again swept away by long, glossy hair and inked knuckles, turning sacred pages of a holy book that can do nothing to hold your attention at this moment.

What an impression of Christ he makes, you think to yourself, sounding hypnotized even in your internal monologue. 

He arrived when you were 19, to your small town, to your even smaller church. The rest of the folks in town think your congregation is too… fanatical. You can’t imagine a world in which someone could be over-zealous for the word of God, and even so, Pastor Karlsson had done a lot to level the congregation out. 

He was a divorcee, not by his choice, he has said. He was only 29 when he first rolled into town, funny accent and even funnier sounding name causing immediate distrust in your tight-knit community.

But God, did he have a testimony. Sex, drugs, rock ‘n roll, the tattoos adorning his body told you the story better than those gaudy stained glass windows in the snobby Catholic churches ever could. A lecherous lifestyle with a woman who didn’t love him, not really - not the way you do. He had humbled himself to you all, and you gladly let him in. He was made a pillar in your community - he became a leader to the congregation.

Which is why you always suppressed your feelings, putting them in a locked sarcophagus and hurling it to the far recesses of your mind. You will not be the thing that tries to come between him and the Lord.

You look up at him as he speaks, standing at the pulpit and wielding the word of God like the Archangel Michael who so valiantly struck down Satan. He who is made in God’s image; Had it not been for your utter devotion to the Lord, you would have wondered if he could sin at all.

But you knew better. Everyone carried their own sins. You had heard stories of husbands and wives who idolized each other so much that they left the church altogether. Your heart broke at the thought of leaving God’s light to worship something as sinful as human flesh, couldn’t imagine risking an eternity of paradise for what would one day be dust. 

Not that you’d know, of course. You’d never felt the touch of a man outside of when Pastor Karlsson baptized you the day before your 21st birthday. It had been fuel for weeks, his gentle hand on your back, guiding you underneath the water of the river that ran out behind the church. You had stuffed yourself full of your own fingers that night, stuffed your mouth full of bed linens so that no one would hear how you came undone at the mere thought of him. 

Perhaps you are the lecherous one, after all. Though you can’t help but think that God has given you Pastor Karlsson on purpose, as a test of your faith. A test that you believed you were passing, for the most part. You haven’t missed a Sunday sermon since you caught the flu in 2021, and even so, you watched the livestreams on Facebook. You keep your nose in your Bible, and ignore the clench in your gut when he tells you good morning. 

This morning is different. 

This morning is worse. 

You just come off of your period- disgusting and uncomfortable as it was, you are thankful it was over and you can enjoy the rest of your June in peace. But it lingers under your skin, an itch that can’t be scratched. Your emotions are raw, and you burst into tears twice this week, unprompted. Worst of all is the ache. 

You didn’t know you could feel so empty. It claws at your insides like a caged beast, mockingly calling in the voice of Moloch himself, “Fill me up, fill me up.”

You threw yourself headfirst into your studies; you reviewed Ecclesiastes as a way to ground yourself, to remind yourself that this was a temporary feeling, and would pale in comparison to the absolution of Heaven. 

Still, sitting in your pew, you felt the hunger gnashing at you, gnawing at your throat. It was overwhelming, all-consuming. You stutter through your hymnal, barely reading half the words. Your mother keeps giving you concerned looks, your father aloof as ever. Halfway through the sermon, she hisses in your ear, “What is the matter with you?” 

You blink up at her, wide-eyed, and stammer out a “I - I don’t know. I feel… weird.” 

She purses her lips, but says nothing, turning back to Pastor Karlsson in the pulpit. 

You pass the time in silence, feeling itchy and hot, until the sermon concludes, and everyone makes a mass exodus to the dirt lot where their cars are parked.

“Hold on.” Your mother stops you as you begin exiting your pew. 

She walks over and, to your utter horror, greets Pastor Karlsson, pulling him aside and speaking to him in hushed tones. He nods once, glancing at you, then nods again as she steps away. She looks grateful, patting his shoulder in that way that mothers do. 

He looks at you then, and his full attention is enough to make you combust. Suddenly your dress is too tight on your chest, your breasts straining with every breath against the linen that encases you. Your bones itch, but your hands stay resolutely tucked into your sides, your Bible held against your chest.

You’re so busy focusing on breathing that you don’t realize he’s walking towards you until he’s right in front of you, smiling warmly while greeting you by name. Your mother is by his side, looking at you in such a way that tells you she had something to do with this interaction. 

“Darling, Pastor Karlsson here wants a word with you. He even said he’d give you a ride back to the house! I’ll set aside a plate for you at home, you two take your time here.” She was smiling in a way that made all of her teeth visible, like a snarling animal. A lead brick settles in your stomach at the expression as you look up at Pastor Karlsson.

He was so tall, you think as you peer up at him. Dark eyes meet yours, making your gaze flicker away to something else- anything else to avoid the intensity you find there. Looking directly into his eyes was like looking into the maw of a starving beast- you weren’t brave enough to even consider it.

Your mother departs with a final “Wonderful sermon, Joakim, thank you!” Flashing one of her pageant smiles at him - one she’s never given your father - as she goes. 

He nods politely, murmuring a quiet, “All the glory to God.” before turning back to you. He gives you a thoughtful look before he speaks again.

“Your mother is concerned about you.” His tone was not accusatory or pointed, just repeating facts. 

You inhale shakily. “Yeah, I feel kind of weird today.” Admitting to such a thing is not a lie - you do feel weird today. 

He nods, as if understanding. Then, “Would you like to speak in my office? I have to pick up a few things, then we can head out.”

The thought of being in an enclosed space with him made you almost pass out, but you persevere, giving a meek nod as you follow him out of the sanctuary.

It was a short walk from the sanctuary to his office, your church is small, even among small churches. You love its modesty; It is a far cry from the towering spires and flying buttresses you saw in your history books back in school, but it has a self-effacing quality that makes it approachable to people from all walks of life. 

The walls are painted white, though slightly yellowed with age. Dark wood lines the floor, blue carpet cushioning your steps as you walk. There aren’t many windows - it was built for insulation, not sight-seeing, after all. Crosses hang sporadically throughout the hallways, some wooden, carved by members, others purchased at a discount at the craft stores a few towns over. 

His office is a glorified coat closet, something the elders threw together haphazardly when God called him to serve. It fit a desk, a desktop computer that was older than dirt, and two chairs, one on either side of the desk. The carpet is green, the walls beige, and you have always thought it is an entirely unbecoming space for such a Godly man. It’s a good thing he was humble; God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble, you think, almost bitterly, as he sits down in the chair by the computer. You make a mental note to work on your own humility as you sit down in the chair opposite him. 

“So, what’s got you feeling weird?” He asks with a small smile, putting his elbows on the desk and lacing his fingers together. His hair falls over his shoulders with the movement, cascading down in a curtain of silk. You remind yourself to breathe. 

Stammering, you try to explain yourself. “I’m- I’m not sure, Pastor Karlsson-”

“Joakim.” He interrupts you gently. 

You blink at him, confusion evident in your face. He must find something about the expression amusing, because he’s smiling softly and continuing, “You can call me Joakim. We’re both grown-ups here.”

You swallow loudly, the sound all but ricochets in the stillness of the room. “R-right. I’m not really sure why I feel so weird. I just had a really hard time focusing today.” You suddenly realize what you’ve said, correcting yourself quickly. “Not that the sermon wasn’t good! Your sermons are always wonderful, Pastor Karls - Joakim.” 

He’s smiling broadly now, clearly entertained by your flailing. “It’s okay, käresta, I understand what you mean." A pause, then he lowers his hands. "Is there something on your mind specifically? Something that’s preventing you from focusing?”

You go still, scared to breathe too fully, lest it give you away. Your eyes slide to the ground, teeth coming out to gnaw at your lip. You can feel your heart racing in your throat- the throbbing sensation makes you wonder if you’ll actually vomit from anxiety. You freeze further when Joakim places a hand on your arm, gently.

His voice is barely audible when he whispers, “Hey, it’s okay. We all have our sins, and sin is sin -”

“- Is sin.” You finish for him, sounding unconvinced. You take a deep breath, then redirect your gaze back to him. His eyes are soft with concern, mouth pulled into the faintest frown. Hating to imagine you’re the reason he’s so upset, you blurt out before you can even process your words.

“I’ve been having lustful thoughts about a man in the congregation.” Once the words have been said, you fight the urge to grab them clean out of the air and stuff them back into your mouth. 

The hand on your arm tenses for half a second, then relaxes again. “Okay.” He begins calmly, pulling his hand back to the table. You resist the urge to whimper at the loss of contact. “I can see where your concern is coming from. Is this man married?”

There were only so many unmarried men in the congregation; it would be an easy elimination if you were truthful. But... You were already coming clean about one sin, no need to add on others, you reasoned. Shaking your head in a negative, you give a meek, “No, he’s not.”

Joakim nods thoughtfully, staying silent for a moment. You can all but see the gears turning in his mind, deducing who it could be. You wonder if he lists himself amongst the unmarried men- or if he is courting some woman, unbeknownst to you all. No, your mind fired at you venomously. He is not the sort of man to slink around in the shadows. 

Finally, he spoke. “While lust is never something to give full rein to, it is understandable, biologically speaking.” Upon seeing your confusion, he offers another soft smile, continuing. “You’re at an age where your body wants you to have children. It is what God made you for, it’s only natural that someone as devoted as you are would respond strongly to His plan. You’re not doing anything wrong, käresta.”

Relief floods your body, making your shoulders sag at the loss of tension. You aren’t doing anything wrong, Joakim even told you so. But that makes you wonder- is there anything you should be doing? You’re about to ask when he speaks again. 

“I’ve been wanting to speak with you privately for a while now.” He huffs a small laugh. “It seems the Lord thought today would be a good time, so it shall be.” 

You straighten your shoulders, sitting up, wanting to make sure he knows he has your full attention. Looking at him fully, you’re not surprised why your body is so responsive to him. He’s so handsome, even with the shadow of dark stubble on his face. You wonder what keeps him up at night, which chapters he gets stuck on for days before clarity dawns on him. It’s no mystery why your body is putting thoughts of lust in your mind; he’s the sort of man who would make a wonderful father. 

You cut off that train of thought, needing to focus on the present moment. He needs your full attention for whatever he’s going to say next. 

“The Lord has been communicating with me for some months now, on the topic of finding a wife.” You both take deep breaths, though for different reasons, you imagine. “You’ve heard my testimony on my previous marriage, so I don’t need to emphasize how much I’ve prayed about this.”

Your heart breaks, shatters, combusts into nothing but ash at his words. The Lord wants him to find a wife, and it sounds like he has someone in mind. You swallow the lump of bile in your throat, trying to listen to his next words as your guts fight the natural inclination to stay in your body.

“I’ve spoken to God a lot, the last few months- even by pastor standards.” The playful smile he gives you feels like a knife twisting in your chest. “And if I’m understanding his message correctly, I believe God wants me to court you.”

You’re so busy wallowing that you don’t understand what he’s said at first. The words sink in slowly, like the drip of an IV into your veins. When you think you understand, you manage a, “What?”

He chuckles, not a degrading sound, rather like he understands your confusion. “I know, it seems sudden, but I’ve been speaking to the Lord about this for many months, and-”

“Oh my goodness.” You interrupt as realization hits you like a freight train. “No - I know. I know. Because God has been speaking to me, too.”

Joakim’s brow furrows at you, and it feels nice to not be the confused one for once. 

You continue, looking up at him shyly. “The… lustful thoughts I’ve been having, they-” You pause, building up your courage. “They’re about you.” 

He’s frozen, mouth slightly agape as he processes your confession. His head tilts to the side slightly, eyes darker than usual as he asks, “You’ve been having lustful thoughts about… me?”

You nod, cheeks tinged pink. “When you’re in the pulpit - I try to focus, I really do, but my mind wanders to… other things.” 

You should be embarrassed, should be ashamed of admitting something so unbecoming. But the comfort of this being God’s plan washes away any ill regards you have about the situation; this is what He has always intended. 

“Other things?” He echoes, eyes focused on you intensely. His voice is hushed, only loud enough for the two of you to hear. “Like what?”

Your blush deepens at his inquiry. “Well, it’s more of a feeling than an exact thought…”

He’s leaning forward now, all but hanging over his desk at your words. He looks hungry, you realize suddenly; Like he’d seen firsthand the famine in Canaan, pupils blown wide, mouth open, breathing slowly. “A feeling?” He prompts.

Nodding, you find yourself leaning forward too, almost desperate to close the gap between you both. You can feel the dust in the air, hear the quiet electric hum of his old desktop computer. Your breath is coming too loudly, it ricochets off the walls around you both. “It feels like an ache.” You explain, sounding hoarse. “It feels like an emptiness.” 

He takes a shaky breath, pushing himself back from his desk in a controlled motion. Standing up, he makes his way around the desk to stand in front of you, one of his calloused hands guiding your chin up to look at him. 

“Do you want me to help you - with the emptiness? The ache?” He questions, eyes boring into yours. 

The thought of it makes your thighs clench together, and the feeling is so delicious that you almost vocalize it. Your mouth is dry, but you feel wetness gathering in your cotton panties already. You almost forget to respond, nodding and breathing out, “Yes, please.”

“Always so well-mannered.” He praises, making you feel warm. You would do just about anything for him to keep going.

The hand on your jaw guides you upward until you’re standing in front of him. You’re not touching, but you can feel the heat emanating from his body, feel the way the air vibrates between you. His eyes travel down to your lips, back up to your eyes, then down to your lips again. 

“Have you ever kissed a boy, lillis?” He asks, eyes half-lidded and voice quiet.

You shake your head, a tiny movement. “No.” You pause, then decide to continue. “I wanted to save myself.”

His inhale is sharp, deep. “Such a good girl.” The words light a fire in your belly, and the familiar gnawing is back, worse than ever before. You shift on your feet, subconsciously searching for any kind of friction. He picks up on the movement. 

“Do you feel empty, now? Are you desolate?” You can feel where his breath hits your face. If you tilted your head right, your lips would meet. The clothes you’re wearing feel itchy - too tight, too rough.  

You can’t speak, so you nod “yes.” His eyes run down your figure, back up again to your lips. 

“Show me where.” Is his only command. You can’t read his expression fully, features arranged into careful neutrality. The spark in his eyes seemed to hint at desperation, though.

Your face is probably the color of a sun-ripened tomato, but you do as he says, grabbing his free hand, guiding it between your legs. His fingers curl up through your skirt, cupping your mound. Your eyelids flutter shut at the contact, hands coming up to rest against his chest to steady yourself. Heartbeat racing, you don’t think there could be anything better than the feeling of what’s happening right now.

“Here? Is this where you feel empty?” His lips move against your cheek, breath fanning across your ear, making you shiver.

You blink several times, trying to clear your head. “Joakim, please.” Is all you can muster, fingers gripping at his shirt. 

You can feel him sag against you as his lips crash into yours. You’re not completely sure of what to do, allowing him to guide your lips open, licking into your mouth. You hear yourself groaning into the kiss, crowding impossibly closer until your bodies are pressed against each other fully. 

He breaks the embrace to place wet, open-mouthed kisses along your jaw, down your neck. The feeling is euphoric, making your hips buck into his without conscious decision.

Hands run down your sides, coming up again underneath your dress skirt to grip at the backs of your thighs, yanking you forward with such force that you almost topple over. His left hand is at your back in an instant, holding you steady before unzipping the back of your dress in a swift motion. 

The material pools around your front, hanging loosely until you pry it off, happy to be rid of the too-rough fabric at last. His lips are back on yours in an instant, one hand gripping the back of your neck while the other kneads the flesh of your breast through your bra. 

You outright moan at the feeling, his teeth nipping at your bottom lip as your mouth opens to let the sound out. He works a knee between your legs, rubbing the meaty flesh of his thigh against your core in such a way that has you seeing spots in your vision. Fingers curling into claws where they grip onto his shoulders, you grind down onto his leg, an animalistic snarl escaping you as you do so. 

You know this feeling; Though it’s a sin to give into lust, you’ve made yourself climax before, silently, long after everyone had laid down to rest at night. This is so much more, though - you feel as though someone has soaked you in gasoline and laid a lit match to your flesh. Nothing could have torn you from the carnal desire you felt, being entwined with Joakim like this. You want to take turns ripping each other apart, severing limbs and gluing them back together until you have both been remade in His image. You want to bite and gnaw and lick until you taste blood, to soothe the worried skin with soft whispers and softer hands. Dragged to Hell and back, nailed to a cross and left to rot, rising from the dead with such vigor that Lazarus would envy you - you wanted it all, so long as this moment didn’t end.

“Joakim - I, I -” You choke out, eyes focusing on his, foreheads pressed together.

“Good girl, give it to me, everything you’ve got.” He urged you, the hand on your neck coming down against your hip, ushering your pelvis against his thigh. 

Burying your head in his chest, you climax with a wanton moan, body shuddering through the shockwaves of it. Your breathing is labored, vision blurry from clenching your eyes shut so tightly.

He’s gently prying you off his leg then, maneuvering your positions until you find yourself face-down on his desk. Using a knee, he nudges your knees apart until he fits comfortably between them. The new angle has you feeling vulnerable, visible, licentious. 

You don’t have time to dwell on the feeling, because suddenly his fingers are playing with your folds through your ruined panties. Your knees almost buckle at the stimulation, so sensitive it almost hurts. Gripping the other side of the desk to hold yourself upright, you do your very best to stay still as he explores your body. 

Two fingers hook into the side of your panties, moving them to the side. You know he can see everything like this, and while part of you is screaming at the debauchery of it, another, louder part of you hopes he likes what he sees. You’re fighting the urge to sneak a glance at him when the two fingers that moved your panties aside are thrust deep into your core. 

You let out a howl that could rival a rabid dog, nails scraping against the wooden laminate of the desk as your hands clench into fists. He’s curling his fingers inside you slowly, and you can feel every millimeter of it. A string of drool escapes your open mouth, cascading down into a puddle on a stack of prayer requests from this morning’s sermon. 

“That’s it, so good, just take it, lillis.” He murmurs, fingers still unfurling deep inside you. 

You don’t know that you can do anything but take it. His fingers are so much thicker than yours, taking up twice as much space as you’re used to. You feel wonderfully full, the emptiness inside you finally satiated.

But then he’s pulling them out, and you almost sob at the loss of it. You could feel your hole clenching on nothing, throbbing with want; Whether you enjoy it or not, you aren’t even sure. 

You hear a zipper, then the sound of something metallic hitting the carpet. When you turn your neck to see what’s happening, you’re met with the sight of Joakim’s full manhood on display. 

You’ve never seen a man naked before. There were pictures, shown to you unwillingly by the cruel boys who called you a “Bible-thumper” in school, but this is entirely different.

Joakim is… prettier, you think is the right word. His tip is pink, almost red, and wet-looking in the glow of the fluorescent office lights. Veins bulge along the length, throbbing at you angrily as if to mock the throbbing happening within you. It’s big, you realize suddenly. You can’t begin to fathom how it’s going to fit inside you, when his fingers alone made you feel so full already.

A hand is placed at the back of your neck, holding you flat in place. The weight is reassuring, grounding in its pressure as you’re pressed fully against the desk, the cool laminate a welcome reprieve from the fever burning in your skin. You feel him press his tip against your folds, running it through the slickness there, before slowly pushing past your threshold. 

“It hurts.” Is the first thing you whine, legs already trembling. It does hurt - in a sharp way, like stretching to reach your toes first thing in the morning. 

You gasp as he leans over, thrusting further into you as he whispers in your ear. “Shh, I know. It’s the price we must pay for our sin.” His murmur relaxes you a bit, reassures you of what you’re doing. Joakim would not lead you astray; God had spoken to him, given him fortitude in the last months. This was His plan.

The stretch continues as he slowly slides further into you, until your bodies are joined completely. You’re panting, open-mouthed as he fills you entirely. Your toes are barely brushing against the ground from how far he’s pushed you into the desk, corners digging into your hips sharply. 

A soothing hand runs up and down your spine, unraveling the muscles that have been pulled taut with anticipation. Your breathing slows, body easing around the intrusion until only the sensation of fullness remains.

Joakim pulls back then, a slow movement that has you inhaling harshly as he drags along your inner walls. Your mouth goes to ask him what he’s doing, when he slams back into you, cutting off your train of thought in favor of gargling on your breath. 

“Oh my God,” You keen, eyes so wide they might bulge out of your head altogether. 

A jarring slap lands against your backside, stinging skin left in its wake. “Do not take the Lord’s name in vain.” Joakim rasps, sounding as out of breath as you do. 

He pulls back again, only to crash back into you a half-second later. The force of it jolts you, making you wail as your hands reach out for something, anything to hold onto. Documents and envelopes fly onto the floor in your frenzy, looking as haphazard as you feel. 

He continues at an unrelenting pace, hand still firmly gripping the base of your neck from behind. You know you’re being loud; A distant part of you even registers that, given the circumstances, you should probably be much, much quieter. You can’t bring yourself to care, though, an endless chant of Joakim’s name falling from your lips as you do what you can to grind back into him.

The hand leaves your neck, coming down to grab onto your hip while his other hand mirrors the action. Your pelvis is lifted off the desk, thrusts never even pausing as the new angle drives him deeper into you. Tears spring in your eyes from the overstimulation, having climaxed only a few short minutes ago. 

This is absolution, You think. Being tangled together, conjoined like this - There is no fear of sin, no guilt at succumbing to the lust-filled desires of the flesh. As Joakim plunges himself into you, over and over, you find yourself almost dizzy with relief at the weight lifted off your shoulders, the panic of condemnation a distant memory. 

His arm wraps around the front of your hips, holding you in place, as his free hand tangles into your hair, yanking your head towards him. 

“Say the Lord’s prayer.” He groans in your ear, breath hot and sticky. “Beg for His forgiveness. ‘Our Father-’”

“‘-Who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.” You whimper, the words slipping off your tongue like muscle memory as your body is rocked back and forth by his thrusts. “‘Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on Earth-” Your voice is cut off by your own gasp as he reaches something in you that you’ve never felt before. Knees shaking, you dig your fingers deeper into the mess of papers surrounding you to try and stabilize yourself. 

“Keep going. ‘On Earth, as it is in Heaven.’” He urges, grip tightening on you. 

“‘Give us today our daily bread,’” You continue, moaning pitifully as he drives into that same spot again. “‘And forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.’”

Tears stream freely down your cheeks now, a mixture of pleasure and overstimulation driving you mad. Joakim is mouthing at the junction of your neck and shoulder, tongue brushing over a spot that makes you shiver into him. A fire is building in your belly, lapping at the bottom of your throat as you move closer and closer to climax. 

“‘L-lead us not into temp- temptation,’” You stutter, mind hazy with want. “‘But d-deliver us from evil.’”

Joakim’s voice is back in your ear. “‘For thine is the Kingdom,” A harsh thrust, “‘The Power,” Another thrust, “And the Glory forever.’” 

The fire burns so hot that it rips the oxygen straight out of your lungs. Your eyes struggle to stay open, fluttering closed each time he rams into you. A particularly harsh pull of your hair reminds you that he is waiting for your response.

“Amen.” You whisper, vision going white as you climax, body twitching forcefully in his arms. His hips stutter once before he buries himself inside you, spilling his seed into you as he does. 

Whether you lay there for seconds or days, you don’t know. Eventually, Joakim pulls out, a string of his release coming with him, rolling down the inside of your thighs. You whimper at the loss, still too sensitive to move. 

“C’mon, käresta, we need to get you dressed. Your mother will wonder where you are.” His voice is gentle behind you, hand rubbing against your lower back to rouse you. 

Your joints pop in protest as you try to push yourself up off the desk. The room is a mess of papers and scattered writing utensils, your dress nothing more than a rumpled pile of cloth on the ground. 

You slip it over your head gingerly, every muscle in your body somehow sore. Joakim zips up the garment for you, running his hands over your clothed back, as if to smooth the wrinkles. 

Turning to face him, you’re met with a soft pair of lips to your forehead, dark hair brushing against your cheeks. The kiss makes you feel brave as you ask, “Joakim?”

His eyes are warm as he gazes down at you, his fingers coming up to comb through your tangled hair. “Hmm?” Is his response as he works out a particularly knotted strand.

You flutter your eyelashes, a move that feels foreign, but somehow right. Looking up at him demurely, you ask, “Will you be leading tonight’s Bible study?”

[more-better-words]

fic author interview

Yoinked this from @ladytharen because it looked like fun. Hope that's not presumptuous of me. <.<

Tagging @deadheaddaisy, @phoenixflames12, @butcharondir, and anybody else who'd like to play.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

60! That's a nice round number.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

Currently 593,580 - though in fairness, nearly a third of that is a single fic.

It was a different time back when I wrote that.

3. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The four fics of my Built to Last series (though not in order, lol)

What We Build Here

For the Duration

From the Ground Up

The Place We Call Home

And rounding out the top 5, a Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency fic!

Lay Down the Beat 

4. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Absolutely! And because I have very little self-control, I will often do so within minutes of receiving them! 😅

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Hmmm. I don't really do angst - I mean, I'll write stories where angst happens, but that's rarely the point of the story. If the plot demands a dash of angst, then, much like a chocolate recipe that needs some salt, it will get its angst. But I don't really set out to write A Series of Sad Events in Which the Characters Are Sad; that's just not my style or my taste.

So I can't really say that ANY of my stories have an angsty ending. Oh well.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

With the above in mind, happy endings are basically a guarantee, at least up to a point. 😆 I let my darlings be happy, I let them get married and have things work out, because it's fiction, dammit, and I can.

That being said, probably the happiest of all would be just about any of my Trip/T'Pol fic, because I let them get married and have kids and successful careers and be surrounded by friends and family who love and support them because SCREW YOU CANON.

7. Do you write crossovers?

No, I don't think my brain's wired for that. I just...can't seem to.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Never on AO3 (okay, I once got snippily told I'd mistagged something, but that wasn't hate). I have gotten hate here on Tumblr, though never anything specific, just general "u suck" which...whatever.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

For a long time, I did not.

That answer has since changed.

As for what kind...the sweetest, fluffiest, most loving, happy, vanilla, tooth rotting smut ever.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, and I seriously doubt I ever would. I'm rather niche.

11. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Again, niche. Haven't yet, doubt I will.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Years ago, I worked on an AU fic project with a friend that was very cool and a lot of fun. None of it ever got published, though.

13. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Which ever one I'm writing right now. 😁

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I wouldn't mind finishing my Shadowrun: Dragonfall fic The Haven. Maybe some day.

15. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue, baby! I can have two characters sit and talk to each other FOREVER.

16. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action and physical description. Even when I can clearly see a room where action is occurring in my mind, I have real trouble describing it on the page.

17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I used to not have any, then I started making up words and phrases in my own version of Andorian for my Trek fic.

And I still don't really have many thoughts, because I'm sure I'm doing it wrong.

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Hmmmm. Pretty sure there's some BtVS fic of mine still existent on LiveJournal. 😅

19. What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

I'd love to write Discworld (I adore Carrot/Angua), but Discworld is already so perfect. It would have to be an absolute gem of an idea.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Whichever one I just finished. 😄

[the-orange-tabby-cat]

The Renegade

joel miller x fem!reader

Summary of the fic: This is why I’m writing to you, Tess. Do you see how much trouble am I? How unstable and not anywhere good for him? I can’t fall in love with him and he can’t get closer, I’m a weak bitch: I’m gonna fall for him if you don’t help me. I walked too many meters of bad decisions before, I can’t cross another ocean. You are my only hope, The renegade - Your parents ask you to try seeing a therapist, Tess, and you agree under one condition: she can't let you fall in love with Joel Miller. A fic in the format of letters, from you to Tess. 🐾

read on AO3 | masterlist | next chapter

Warnings/tags: Explict +18, no outbreak AU, slow burn, fluff, smut, kinda loser reader? lol, implied age gap, coming of age, no use of y/n

Word count of the prologue + chapter 1: 6,4k

Tabby note: This will be a quick fic, I promise! I needed to take it off my head, it was clogging everything else at this point lol I really wanted an anti-hero protagonist instead of the usual good girls I write. She is messy and adorable at the same time, I'm really proud of how the story is taking shape! Hope you like it!

PROLOGUE

Austin, July 2024

Dear Tess,

You said I could write you in any format as long I’m true to what I’m putting out. That’s some therapist bullshit, but since it’s you reading this mess, I will let it slide. I thought a lot about what to write down for you, not the usual overthinking, more of a “where do I begin?”. Remember, you were the one who told me to write this if I can’t say out loud what it is inside my head while we are in session. This shit is hard, okay?

Let me start by being the smartpants I used to be: the human brain processes a thought faster than one meter per second. If I put together all the meters my brain ran while getting bad ideas, I could now cross the Atlantic Ocean.

Do you remember when you were a kid and your parents told you to avoid certain people? That strange feeling you get when you see a trainwreck of a person, the one that didn’t exactly do something bad, they just are stuck somewhere out of this reality and you think to yourself “I would never get in that position”? 

I did get in that position. I’m stuck in that somewhere. For years now.

Wish I could tell you that something horrible happened to me when I was younger, that my mother crushed all my dreams and my dad left one day to buy a pack of cigarettes. What about a strict family or an over-the-top religious one where I’m one of ten kids? Not even close to the truth, I’m an only daughter.

Middle middle class: enough money to live more than comfortably, far from the luscious lifestyle of the riches. I grew up knowing money didn’t come from the trees, I touched some grass, okay? The only thing expected by my kinda-aristocrat parents was that I would achieve academic success prior to a life full of achievements.

Chess competitions, spelling bee trophies (if I make a mistake a few pages down, it’s been a while since it), debate club captain, swimming team… You name it and I did. At seventeen I was voted as “most likely to be successful” and second place for homecoming queen because slutty Katie gave the basketball team a sloppy blowjob after practice. I had a first kiss and gave one bad handjob under the bleachers by that age.

Then university came and nobody, no fucking body, got wowed when I got an Ivy League on my first try. My head was too shoved up my ass to notice life around me. I wasn’t a pretty girl anymore because girls in my class were prettier than me, wasn’t the smartest since I wasn’t a teacher’s pet by just existing. 

My classmates didn’t care for me because I had no clue about social etiquette: what alcohol is acceptable to bring to a frat party? How do you pick up guys and let them suck on your tongue? Do you stay inside your dorm room when your roommate is fucking or do you wait outside?

I could do it with being the awkward girl, but not with being less than perfect. By the second semester, I was crying every day in the shower and realized I had no friends, just people who had the same interests as me back home. I tried so hard to become the number one in my class that life became hell the second my teacher gave me a lower score on a significant test.

I left her class and instead of crying, calling my parents to vent, or any other shit, I walked by the first frat house I saw and decided to lose my v card there with any guy that looked remotely cute. 

Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t be a slut if I hadn’t had a penis inside me yet, but I knew that something was boiling up for years. My hand sneaking under my panties after a tiring day, humping on my pillow whenever I got frustrated, even the shoulder massager I got for after swimming practice humming on my clit did it. All I needed was a chance to forget for a moment the hell that was my life.

And I did. A sand blond guy with a shark smile that would fuck anything that moved in his direction, clearly a rich bitch whose parents got his spot in the university. I walked in his direction and took my panties off, put them in his hand, and the next thing I saw he was deep inside of me while I hopped him vigorously.

I cummed so hard that I think saw Jesus, whatever he might be. Not that the guy made me cum, I had an itch for so long that any scratch would do it. Any. After coming down my high it was clear in my mind: I would do anything that I didn’t do before.

Drink until pass out, rob beer from the liquor store, fuck my roommate's hot dad, cheat on a test. Nothing was out of limits. Well, I still had to finish university and never use drugs because that was a hard no for me.

You see, Tess, I’m so good at keeping my promises to other people and ignoring my own needs that I did finish university. Graduated with an honor badge and everything, my parents' wet dream. Except they no longer knew me and had no clue that I spent four years whoring myself and doing everything to ignore who I used to be.

And this is why on my first day in a big company, a trainee job earned right after college, I vomited inside the bathroom stall during onboarding. A panic attack a week later when my leader delegated some tasks. You give me a few months and my mind went blank the second I started a presentation to the c level board. I ran so fast outside that I fell on the sidewalk, got up, called for a cab, and never came back.

It’s been years since it.

My parents came to you because they still have some hope. I don’t, I think they are being dumb. Yes, I have an Ivy League degree, a bunch of useless skills (except for Mandarin, I can read so fast the menu at a Chinese restaurant) but nothing to do with when I WON’T come back to who I used to be. Do you think I sound miserable now? I’m miserable but I’m free in my kitchenette downtown, with my band t-shirts and two jobs. Living the dream.

Of course I’m fucking lying to you. I hate my life because the bitch running it is so dumb (that’s me, by the way).

It used to be kinda cool. The day I ran from the office was the same day I went straight to the arcade and played Mortal Kombat II so much that I broke the machine’s record. I went there for a full week before the manager, an emo guy looking like a teenager, decided to hire me.

It wasn’t enough to pay for my fancy downtown apartment, the one that got furniture that didn’t come from IKEA, so I had to move to the shithole I’m now. A mini studio in a building so old that if the city trembles, I’m sure that I will be turning into dust.

Years in this life, day after day, and I wasn’t mad about it. I was free, after all. It took about two years for my parents to find out that I wasn’t the prodigious child anymore and they took better than I expected. My mom cried, cursed my name, and asked if someone hurt me but I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I was the one who caused it.

Anyway, you already know this stuff. They told you their side of the story when letting you know that I would be your new patient. What exactly have they told you? About how I never introduced them to a guy and my dad had a very straightforward conversation with me about why lesbians were cool and he would accept me if I was one? Maybe they told you about how I got so drunk one Christmas that end up peeing on the petunias in the neighbor’s yard and my mom thought it was a good idea to tell them I was heavily sedated from a fear of flying? Nobody said it was easy to be an only child.

What you don’t know is that I have a love life, you are welcome. For years I’ve been sleeping around with a married man. I know, I know, shocking! Scandalous! His name is Peter and he is dumb as a door. But the dick is good and he sometimes treats me like a real person. I met him at a bar, gave him a blowjob in the back alley (Katie would be proud) and we see each other every week since.

Remember when I said my family isn’t religious? Thank god because that’s not everything. I have a boyfriend, a real one. It was a scorching day, the AC wasn’t working and I had to put the neckline out a bit before becoming a puddle. That’s when I see him, playing with his friends, having fun, being so fucking broad and handsome… I had to taste it.

Flirted a bit and boom, got him at the back door pumping deep inside of me while I was sitting on a desk. He was amazing, he was making me gooey to the point of screaming in pleasure. Too good to be true, when he was about to come I saw the little golden cross pending from his neck.

The next day he came back, told me how sorry he was, and asked me for an opportunity to show me how good he could be. I thought he wanted a second round, but nope, he wanted me to meet Jesus. I’m a people pleaser, Tess. It has been four months since I’m Mormon Isaac’s girlfriend. Every Sunday I attend the sermon, his family knows me and I haven’t slept with him since that first day. It marks also the four months I’m trying to break up with him.

You must think that I ain’t a good person and you are right, I’m not. Not the worst, but for sure not a fucking saint. I don’t come back in my decisions, anyone else with less brain would, but not me. I’m too stubborn to deal with the hell I made of my own life. Or used to, because now I’m head over heels for this guy, Tess.

Joel Miller. The stupid hunk who is older, wiser, and hot. Who I can’t stop thinking about since we met. Damn his pretty brown eyes and how they look into my soul. I’m a mess and I need some help dealing with it before he gets into my trap and I destroy him.

This is why I’m writing to you, Tess. Do you see how much trouble am I? How unstable and not anywhere good for him? I can’t fall in love with him and he can’t get closer, I’m a weak bitch: I’m gonna fall for him if you don’t help me. I walked too many meters of bad decisions before, I can’t cross another ocean.

You are my only hope,

The renegade

P.S. I won’t pay you shit, hope my parents paid you enough for this.

CHAPTER ONE

Austin, July 2024

Dear Tess,

Yes, I'm doing well, thank you for your concern, guess the rambling in my last letter got you worried about me. It’s a skill, I’m very good at making people worry. I'm marvelous, splendid, and well, fucked. By our last session, you asked me more details of how I ended up meeting Joel and I said to you “a lady never tells” and you didn't laugh, tough crowd. Let me paint you a picture then.

There are many regulars at the arcade. The asians dudes that go there after Kumon (been there, done that, I feel so sorry for them), the lone wolves of 40+ that still want to feel young since they can't get any pussy and, my favorites, the after-school reruns.

These little fuckers go there every week to burn some steam from their sugary-inflicted bodies, stay until 4 pm and go straight to their houses, to their mom and dad. I'm not bitter, I just hate teenagers.

I'm aware that it sounds like I'm on the wrong career path since they keep my economy going, but fuck it, teenagers give me the creeps. Except for the queers, they are quite nice. I have a baby lesbian (it’s pretty obvious) that I call 3 pm because she comes by this time twice a week, Ellie.

She is probably fifteen or so and everything I wasn't at her age. Firecracker, bossy with a dirty mouth – did I ever tell you that the first time I said “fuck” in front of my parents was after my meltdown? You can guess it. One of the only teenagers I got close to if I'm honest. She came by one afternoon, saw Mortal Kombat II, and hasn't left since.

“Who's The Renegade?” She asked me one time, checking out the scoreboard with disgust. Remember I beat the machine record? She was right after me.

“No clue, try harder.” I teased her thinking she wouldn't care and move on with her life, like people do.

But not Ellie, she tried really hard to break the fucking record. Week after week, I watched her trying her best from my glass display while wearing the ugly bowling striped shirt that is my uniform.

I saw him way before he saw me. Doing my regular afternoon routine, cleaning the games with some rubbing alcohol to avoid the sticky hands infecting everywhere, minding my business under the neon light. All good, until I saw broad shoulders (I have a type, okay? Sue me) playing the fucking Mortal Kombat II with Ellie by his side.

Broad, so fucking broad. Dark curls with some gray here and there adorning his ears. I must have made some noise because for a second he looked back and that nose? Yeah, that was the end of me.

“You were close, old man,” Ellie teased as the fight on screen got to an end. He glared at her before looking at his score. “Nah, you're full of shit. Not even close to me or The Renegade.”

“Yeah, if I was spending that much time here I would be second place too,” he groaned before gaining full height. That voice gave me chills as I pretended I haven't heard shit, trying to not sneak a look and failing every time.

And that was it, Tess. Not exactly your meet cute, sorry. He came back maybe three or four times, always polite, nothing else. I thought it would be a silent crush, a small one until I got bored. I’m constantly bored.

My second job is a little less orthodox, if you can call my first one that. A girl has to do what she has to to get that bag. On Christmas, I’m the Santa helper with a mini skirt and sweet smiles (you can imagine how many times I picked up desperate dads like that), by Easter, I’m your lucky bunny hopping around in white hot pants, when Thanksgiving is around the corner I’m the sluttiest turkey you ever saw. 

The mall manager pays me double because I let him once see my boobs and the poor guy is so lonely that he is more than sure that we will sleep together at some point.

“A vest with “can I help you?” tagline? Where is the skanky clothes?” I asked him one Saturday morning, thinking he made a mistake giving me the day costume.

“We’re getting more boomers and older visitors, we need someone to stay in a good floor spot and answer their questions,” he told me in a boring tone, the sadness in his eyes always a classic.

“Okay, if they ask me questions, what do I do? I don’t know shit about this mall except that you can buy powder by the public telephones and shouldn’t use the ladies bathroom on the second floor, that’s where Nora from Chipotle goes and that woman’s ass is rancid.” He furrowed his brows and dragged his hand on his face, taking his time to process what I had just said.

“Just be nice and bring them to someone who will be helpful, maybe a security guard, I don’t know. And don’t use cocaine while on the job, I can’t deal with another junkie here,” he said reinforcing the vest on my hands and urging me to get out of the room.

Now would be a good time to remind you that I don’t use drugs, never did. I might be many things in this life, but not a stoner. Not because I’m prudish or think drugs are bad for you, even if they are. I’m way too afraid about getting hooked once I realize that the play-pretend reality that they induce in your brain is better than this one. I’m self-destructive, but not stupid.

So there I was, in my lime neon vest, above a small platform with a big dark blue “information” written. Thinking about anything you can imagine, my shift lasts six hours and I can’t sit down, just a fifteen-minute bathroom break. One of my worst nightmares is to be alone with the dumb bitch inside my head, that’s why I hate silence.

When was the last time you went to a mall? They used to be a big deal in my younger days, but now they are dead. It’s so fucking slow, just little packs of people here and there. Not even music playing to alleviate the tension between me and my stupid brain.

“Miss?” A small voice called, I looked to the sides and saw nobody,  so they insisted. “Miss?”

I looked down on the platform and to my surprise, a toddler with big brown eyes and curly hair was calling me. Hesitating for a second, I climbed down my platform and crouched to get my eyes the same height as his, I read once that kids get more comfortable like that.

“Hm, yeah?” I asked unsure of how one talks with kids, shouldn’t he be there with an adult?

“I can’t find my uncle,” the poor kid was on the verge of tears, making me panic.

“Okay, let’s find him,” I said with very little confidence, unsure how to approach it.

Before I could think about what I would do, his hand found a place in mine, holding me like an anchor. I decided to go to the nearest security guard and hope for the best, one thing was to be a failure by myself and another was to fail a little kid.

We walked for about five minutes, the fucking mall had a small amount of guards. No fucking clue why nobody comes down there. The kid got a little tired of walking and held up his little arms, asking to be picked up.

I accepted it, letting him rest his head on my shoulder. Thinking about it now, as I write this to you, I can’t remember the last time somebody hugged me. We might need to talk about it in session.

“You tell me if you see him, okay? What does your uncle look like?” I asked still walking down the corridor, searching for the damn guard.

“Big, fluffy hair,” I laughed at how wholeheartedly the kid tried to answer it.

“Blue eyes? Dark hair?” He shook his head for the first one but nodded at the second.

Changing corridor, I saw from afar a big guy and a smaller figure talking with a guard and figured out it was the kid’s uncle. The man seemed agitated, speaking with his hands in the air. As I pressed my steps, the figures got more familiar. Made a signal for the kid, showing them when we were close enough and his face lightened up.

“Uncle Joel!” He shouted happily, as I put him down so he could run to the tall man.

That’s how I found out his name. Simple, discrete, direct. Jo-el. Suits him.

He immediately hugged the boy, kissing the top of his head. Ellie was at the side getting color back on her face, unshed tears in her eyes when she noticed me.

“I know you,” she started and I panicked a little. I don’t know why, I wasn’t doing anything weird, but something about breaking their bubble made me uncomfortable.

Joel looked up from his nephew’s face and furrowed his brows, not in a “who the fuck are you?” kinda way, more of a “wait, I do know you too”.

“Hm, yeah, I work at the arcade down the block,” I said in a monotone, looking into Ellie’s eyes, ignoring Joel’s.

“Are you safe? All good?” Joel asked in a soft tone, much softer than I imagined a man like him could do, to the kid.

“Yes,” the toddler replied searching for my hand again. My eyes got to the size of the moon, unaware of how to react.

“Thank you for helping him, we were about to lose our heads searching for him everywhere.” Joel gave me puppy eyes in his dearest manners and every inch of my body heated as he got up, gaining his tall size. 

A grown, big man being soft on the edges? The hottest thing I’ve seen and I fucked once Mormon Isaac.

I was ready to get back to my platform when Ellie shared stares with Joel, a language I hadn’t properly been introduced to in my formal education, but I think I can decipher:

Ellie looking straight, then bringing her eyebrows up - say something, Joel

Joel furrowing his heavy eyebrows and pouting a little, before looking towards the exit - no, let’s go home

Ellie rolling eyes and siding it in my direction real quick - she is right here, do something

Joel setting his jaw and looking directly at Ellie - I said no, let’s go home

Ellie narrowing her eyes and then nodding to the toddler - how did we got him back?

Joel glancing at his nephew, Ellie, and me before pouting a little bigger - okay, fine, you’re so annoying

Mind you I’m not a linguist in any way, I might have translated something wrong since I’m not fluent and the whole scene lasted no more than two seconds. I was highly confused when he put his hand on the toddler’s shoulder (mind you, who was still holding my hand) and cleared his throat.

“Are you hungry? It would be a pleasure having you with us,” he proposed in his most southern polite voice. I laughed a little, stupid bitch.

“That’s not… Necessary. Really. It’s okay!” I replied quickly, awkwardly trying to walk back. The kid’s hand grip got stronger.

“C’mon, stay. It’s the minimum I can do,” Joel insisted with another puppy eye.

“I used to g-get lost too, in the mall, you know? It’s okay! It’s just a full circle moment, but thank you!” I lied.

I was a prodigious child, way too smart for my age, and for sure not roaming around in a suburban mall. My parents weren’t strict, but they had a very clear vision of what was cool and what was trashy. Read in my room, go to museums and cinema exhibitions of foreign movies that I was able to watch without the subtitles? Hot and cool. Go to the mall, watch blockbuster movies, and eat a burger at the food court? Suburban and trashy. I got lost once at a library, though.

“He won’t stop giving you the puppy eye until you accept, c’mon,” Ellie replied gaining a double glare from me and Joel, who – in all truth – was still giving me puppy eyes.

“Some pizza wouldn’t hurt,” I said with an awkward lopsided smile. 

The duo stared at each other again, now that I had more familiarity with the language I think I can get better translations:

Ellie shotting up her eyebrows and inclining her head towards the front of her body - told ya, old man

Joel sighing before eyeing the food court direction - lead the way, brat

“Let’s go, Luke,” Ellie grabbed the kid’s hand from mine and started to walk.

“One sec,” I said before taking off my vest and placing it in the security guard’s hand, who looked at me puzzled. I would find a way out of trouble with the manager later on. “Okay, all good!”

“So… The arcade and the mall, you must be good with teenagers,” Joel started nodding in Ellie’s direction. He said in such a genuine matter that it took me back, not a single harsh reply in my brain.

“Not really, it’s more of a coincidence. I try to avoid them a little, though. They could shatter me with one comment.” I laughed a little, trying to break the awkwardness between us. He smirked a bit.

“I get it, Ellie likes to remind me that I’m no longer hip. Do people still use this word?” He asked chewing his cheek and I chuckled.

“I’m not sure. Maybe no? We are very much 20th-century material,” he smiled. 

Do I like to think it was because I hinted that I was old enough to drink, so old enough to fuck him? Yes. But I regretted it the moment that thought appeared in my head.

Don’t get me wrong Tess, even if I’m a slut I wasn’t trying to fuck Joel Miller when we got alone. It’s more of an old habit, a second skin. When I got the conclusion men were little needy bitches, I got laid often.

You pretend to be stupid and praise them on their big brain. Maybe they prefer it when you are a hopeless girl who needs a strong man to solve something that your small body can’t. Or, the classic, they just want a shy girl who has no idea of how pretty she is and is more than grateful that he is there to show her.

Men are simple creatures. The more you make yourself smaller and dumber, the more they want you. Nobody wants an opinionated woman who knows her worth, that isn’t sexy. It’s a sin being a woman who is not sexy all the time.

Something inside of me knew Joel wasn’t trying to pick me up. He was just an older guy with a life set and a family of his own, he wanted to be nice to the girl who helped his nephew.

“Your nephew is a sweet kid, very affectionate,” I said in a genuine tone, trying to clear a bit of my head.

“A good kid too, smart for his age. He will be three in a couple of days,” Joel's face lightened up talking about the toddler. I wondered if someone’s face ever got so bright thinking of me.

“Growing up fast?” I asked trying to keep up, I don’t much about raising kids except that parents feel like everything is way too fast.

“Yes, but there is a long way until he becomes a petulant teenager like Ellie,” he joked with tenderness.

“She is cool, just the right amount of sassy in her bones. Her friends too, they are well-behaved down the arcade,” I said thinking about the times I saw her with other weird teenagers there.

“Really? Good to know her friends treat her well, she needs that,” he replied quickly. I lost him for a second and couldn’t keep my mouth shut.

“Why?” Could I sugarcoat my curiosity a bit? Of course, but my initial awkwardness was opening space for a comfortable conversation and I’m bad at calculating risk.

“We just moved, right before the school year. I’m from Austin, but Ellie no, she is from Boston. We lived there for a few years before moving back. Is tough to be the new kid, you know.”

The soft around the edges came back. I started to wonder how I never noticed Ellie’s accent, but it made sense.

“And why did you come back? Work?” I asked, again, without thinking further. Joel scratched his scruff while pondering how much detail he would give me.

“Boston got too heavy. Bad memories, you know? She needed a fresh start and I was missing the Texas sun.” My eyes searched for a ring on his hand for the first time, but there was nothing to see. Maybe a bad divorce? A widow?

“In that case, welcome home, cowboy,” I said mimicking holding a tip of a cowboy hat to him, who smiled a bit.

When we arrived at the food court, we went straight to the only pizza option available, the fucking Pizza Hut. The mall is shitty, if you haven’t noticed it yet Tess.

Ellie ordered everyone’s pizza as if she were introducing us to a new, exotic cuisine. Joel got amused, looking at her adoringly while petting his nephew's curls. I allowed myself to imagine what if my weekends were filled with this domestic view, if I would be happy to live such a mundane life and got surprised when the response was positive.

“Will you finally tell me who The Renegade is?” Ellie joked with a hint of truth. Joel rolled his eyes in good fun.

“A lady never tells,” I winked at her and Joel grinned with a little laugh. You see Tess, when you make a joke this is how people react, not scribbling something down their therapist's notepad. Rude as fuck.

The pizza could be better, but the company was more than good. I found myself laughing at Ellie’s puns, making comments about the arcade regulars. Joel tried to make me laugh a few times too, like an old friend. I felt good, felt normal instead of the constant weight on my shoulders.

At some point during our little chit-chat, I furrowed my eyebrows.

“How did Luke get lost? You haven’t told me that.” I questioned both of them, Ellie’s cheeks got pink. Joel made a motion for her to speak.

“Joel went inside a store and asked me to wait a little with Luke, to keep an eye on him for a second while he got something. I know,” she looked into his eyes with a guilty stare, “that I must hold Luke’s hand whenever we’re in a public place. I didn’t, started to look into a window shop thinking he was by my side.”

“It’s okay, you were holding tight to his hand on our way here,” Joel assured her.

If that man couldn’t get any hotter, he didn’t hold the weight of her mistakes against her. I swear that I don’t have daddy issues, I might have a Peter Pan syndrome or shit like that, but my dad was quite nice for a stuck-up guy. I’m not comparing dads, I’m comparing how to deal with delicate hearts: in that couple of hours I got to know a little more of them, I saw how Joel didn’t hold Ellie back, tried to shape her into something he wanted. Even inside of my own body I can’t do that with myself, be this level of kind.

I think Joel got me when it crossed my mind that I could fuck up and, maybe, he would still like me. I wouldn’t be a bitch, a bad girl to him. I would be just a person who made a mistake and he would still be there. What if my main kink is to be loved?

He paid for the meal, of course, a southern gentleman. I said goodbye, hinting I would be there when Ellie decided to show up at the arcade and she replied with a “hell yeah”. They left and I sighed, so light as if I had a spa day, but nope, just a good time with nice people. I might be lonely.

In a snap of fingers, I met the mall manager who questioned me why I wasn’t at the platform. The weight of the world came back on my shoulders, I reasoned that I was tired and wanted to go home as fast as possible.

“A kid got lost and I went to help him find his family. I think the slutty outfit might be a better idea next time, this shit is too complex,” I said shrugging before flashing him again with my boobs for a few seconds.

What? I had a nice meal with a good family, but I’m still not a saint.

Anyway, life followed its course. Saw Ellie sometimes at the arcade, Joel would greet me by name whenever he was there to pick her up, all good and normal. I told you, this is not your meet-cute story.

If you are wondering, yes, I saw Mormon Isaac the next day after the missing kid incident. Holy Sunday, couldn’t skip.

I don’t have exactly a wardrobe that screams “SLUT!”, but the vibe isn’t exactly good southern mormon girl. Jesus just wasn’t my thing growing up. My parents were a little paranoid about the christians, we avoided them at all cost. I had to thrift some stuff to attend Sunday preaching with Mormon Isaac.

It was so boring, every single Sunday. Thank God the pastor would scream from time to time on his speech, the only thing waking me up. Mormon Isaac, strangely as it seems, wouldn’t try to grab me a little here and there while we were inside the church.

“Are you okay?” I asked him once when he audibly swallowed when I touched the inside of his thigh when the pastor was speaking, or whatever.

“Yes. Please, not here, sweetheart,” he urged me and I rolled my eyes.

Every. Fucking. Sunday. For. Four. Months. He would only give me a peck after church, always in front of his family, if his parents weren’t making lunch he would drive me home and that’s it.

Sometimes we would do other stuff too. He would take me to the cinema to see a movie, always under PG-13 though. I would try to jack him off and he wouldn’t allow me, I once tried to give him a blowjob and he said he was waiting for the right time. We fucked rough in the staff room and now I was a pervert, make it make some sense.

You can imagine my surprise when, in the middle of an afternoon, Mormon Isaac appeared from nowhere at the arcade.

“Guess whose four-month anniversary is today?” He asked me while holding a box. I have no idea how to pray, but I know that I prayed for every single entity in the sky for a surprise break up as a git.

“Wow, lucky me,” I said with a fake smile. If my job was boring that afternoon, it was about to become worse.

From the corner, I saw Ellie picking up her backpack from the floor as I opened the box. A deep voice greeted my name and I got cold.

Mormon Isaac was looking at me like he was the best boyfriend in the whole world. Joel appeared to be curious, getting close to the glass display I call my office.

“I didn’t know you were religious,” he said looking at the bible in my hands. A fucking bible. Damn you, Mormon Isaac.

“She attends the Sunday preach every week,” Mormon Isaac promptly corrected with his most polite smile. I wanted to die.

“Thank you very much, I will cherish it.” I smiled back, looking into Joel’s eyes with a silent rescue request when Mormon Isaac glanced at his phone.

“See you tomorrow-,” he started and I cut it before he could finish that thought.

“For the bible study, yes. It will be a pleasure,” I said faking another smile, Joel looked so confused and amused by the whole situation. Mormon Isaac grinned so hard that I thought he was about to cum in his pants.

“That’s fantastic! I will let my mom know!” He said before grabbing his phone and walking out, leaving me and Joel behind.

I sighed and dropped my head into my arms, right at the bible. Joel's laugh, I sound I grew to adore, echoed and I glanced up from my arms.

“What the hell was that?” He asked in good fun, looking at how distressed I was.

“You do me a favor: never, I said never, open the door for a Jeovah’s witness. I accepted one preach from this mormon customer and now he plays rehab with me,” I said avoiding the fact that the said mormon was my boyfriend on the following day we would meet for a date.

“I will. Do you need an excuse for bible study?” He asked looking somewhere behind me like he was forming a plan inside his head, both hands on my glass display while Ellie waited.

“Does it involve religion or any kind of cult?” I half-joked. Half because if hot Joel said he wanted me to go to any kind of religious ceremony I would have another panic attack and leave.

Joel looked to Ellie, who looked back at him and both nodded. This time I can’t translate, sorry, I’m still in the process of getting the language's grammatical structure.

“Tomorrow is Luke’s birthday. Surprise party. You don’t want to break the poor’s kid heart, c’mon,” Ellie said faking seriousness. Joel nodded back.

“There will be food?” Ellie confirmed. “Booze?”

“Do you like beer?” Joel asked, also in fake seriousness. Except that his death stare made me fucking wet.

“Pass me your phone so I can give you my number, text me the address,” I turned my palm up to grab the said phone, he smirked and Ellie laughed.

And this, Tess, is how I met Joel, got my little heart full of him just to let him slip into my life. What can I say? I never wanted to save a horse more than the moment he lassoed me.

I think you have more than enough material for our next session already. I will give you that yes, I speak more about what is inside my head like this. I think it might be because it feels strangely similar to submitting a paper, you know how much I love being the teacher’s pet.

Don’t forget: I can’t fall in love with this guy,

The Renegade

P.S. In case it isn’t obvious, I don’t have daddy issues. I DON’T. I know what it looks like, but I don’t have it. Don’t even try.

prev | next

[quinloki]

What's your writing process like? Do you draft everything at once and then release chapter by chapter as you edit or something similar?

How to you keep your notes organized? I think you've said before in an ask you use Scrivener (me too!), how do you organize that? I love seeing peoples writing processes in general, if your comfortable explaining!!

Okay you're awesome thank you 💛

Process. Ah. Ahem. Organization... /sweats/

Okay, so organization I have something like that. Thanks almost entirely to Scrivener if I'mma be honest. My projects are organized by blorbo - so like all the Kid x Readers are in one project, and then broken down in files by book.

Except for A Light Touch - cause that's in the Grandline AU collection project, and all associated stories are in there with it.

Notes, though, and er... drafts... Ah.

So I would like to note I mean this in the stereotypical pop culture way, and not in the legitimate way, but I'm insane.

I have never known how long a story was going to be until I wrote it, and while I've had a few slapdash outlines for stories, I never manage to stick to them, so I barely even bother writing them out anymore.

Usually the process is something like:

Inspiration -> Idea -> details for Idea -> some notes -> decide certain parameters -> and time allowing either set aside or start writing chapter 1.

Quicksand, for instance, was inspired by a piece of fan art. It was going to be a one-shot. I started world-building and deciding functional parameters and uh... it's 20 chapters if you don't count the alternative story line. The inspired scene doesn't even happen until like chapter 18.

And even within that, I'd meant for Crocodile to be way more terrifyingly yandere to the point that Doflamingo was going to be the GOOD GUY.

That was the plan. That did not happen.

Inversely, I had the first 5 chapters of A Dragon's Clause outlined, and got so into it those 5 chapters were 8 chapters when I ran out of outline. There are, however, THREE different pages of notes for world building, characters and orgs, and important details, that I reference while I write, and I very much expect the story will be near to 50 chapters, if not longer.

Hey Doll has no outline. It's got a page of notes.

The Host Club AU as nothing set in stone except the Club itself and the owners. Yeah I did some headcanoning and world building via asks, but I still don't know what I'm going to keep and what I'm going to cut, and I'm going to start writing chapter one in June XD There is no outline.

Hell, the ending of a Heart of Gold was decided by a scene in A Light Touch, so one of the reasons I'm going to a little slower than usual is because I have to make sure Heart stays on track. (And yes, A Light Touch, Quicksand, Heart of Gold, and Thrice Prophesized all happen in the same AU at the same time - it's not just a backdrop AU for those stories like it is for Some Direction and Hey Doll.)

But yeah, that's uh... that's it. I don't really have much of a process beyond "This is what I want to work on" and then I turn on a appropriately themed playlist, pick some art to have on one monitor and write on the other. And honestly, thank fuck for like @swampstew, @mamaalpha, @standfucker, @lyndsyh24, @writing-yarn-goblin, @kazieai, @anon-germany, @theaceofflamesposts, @zorostittiesz, @leakyweep, @icy-spicy and @thus-spoke-lo and @mewiyev for all being awesome fucking friends.

Between writing sprints, and beta-reading and inspiring with head canons and thots and art and support and the list goes on and on - I just. (and gods that's not even including @friedbluechicken and @cyborg-franky and can you understand how long this list is gonna get?)

I just kind of stumbled into this whole fandom thing. I didn't know wtf I was doing or what, and I swear I tripped into being friends with Lyn and Raven and it's all kind of a blur and from those two to everyone else on that list to many more beyond that and these alarmingly talented people talk to me of all the random ass bastards out there, and folks are sending me asks thinking I'm cool and wanting to know my process and like -

I'm just a stoat in a trench coat man, I don't even know what I'm doing here.

/ahem/ Okay, I got a little off the topic, but I guess I can't really say I have a process, and I don't plan out my stories much at all. But I will have highlights like I want x, y, and q to happen, so how do I do that? And the real relief is being okay when the story goes a different way and I just let it. I wrote Some Direction inside of a month just doing that. The only thing I knew about that story was who the antagonist was going to be ^^;

[givemeonereason]

What Have You Done to Me? Part 2

Part one

Photo credit: Pinterest

Rating: +18 Spicy, caliente, delicous

Plot: Being around Kento was becoming hard. What has he done to you? Or better yet, what will he do?

A/n: Not going to lie. I have been dreaming about something like this since I was in college. I have wanted nothing more than to have a steamy interaction with someone in the stacks of a library. Dark academia really has such a sensual side to it. So many aspects to explore. I hope you enjoy this as much as I did writing it

╒══════════════════════╕

It was hard being around after that. The way the guys kept teasing him. The way they teased you both for letting him stay with you. The way your cheeks stung with heat whenever anyone brought him up.

There are only so many people who attend Jujutsu High.

And unfortunately, only so many places where you just might run into him.

You knew that Kento and yourself are very similar. Your work ethic, your morals, staying out of the usual nonsense. That's probably why you stick up for him. Why you choose to go against the grain when they torment him.

It's mainly because you genuinely enjoyed being around him. You loved his strong silent type vibe he puts off. He's serious only when he needs to be. His indifference in all situations that keeps him levelheaded. And that might put others off, but you have come to like that about him. It means he's not going to mess around with your feelings. Unlike, others.....

Nanami was sitting at a table in the library when you walked in. Your own books heavy in your arms as you looked for a place to study.

The room itself a long corridor, quiet enough to hear a pin drop. What you thought were soft footsteps still echoed against the bookshelves and tile floor.

Ken turned when he picked up on the sound growing louder, coming towards him. "Oh, hello." He smiled small, the corners of his lips curling.

“Hi.” You smiled sweetly back.

"You're welcome to join me if you'd like." He pointed towards the opposite side of the table which was empty.

"You sure?" You put your books and bag down when he nodded. "Thank you. I'll be super quiet. I've got a test coming up."

He's flipping through a book, not meeting your eyes. "It's no problem at all." Then he looked up after he found the page he was looking for. "I've got a report I need to work on."

His eyes.

How did you not notice the warm chestnut tone before?

You felt yourself blushing so you busied yourself with opening your own notebooks, hoping he wouldn't notice.

He's way too serious to notice, right?

He wouldn't even think that I'm sure.

Try as you may, you weren't able to focus. The content itself was a lot, but then again so we he.

DISTRACTING!

You noticed the small things. The way his blond hair fell down into his face when he concentrated enough. The way he rolled his pen between his long, slim fingers.

It's too much.

Nanami, what have you done to me?

You faceplanted straight down onto your textbook, which roused him from his notes. He laughed seeing you helplessly unmoving between the pages of your textbook. “Are you okay?”

Your voice was muffled from your nose being squashed against the pages. “Yeah, it’s just this advanced domain stuff is making my brain cheese."

You lied.

Kento put his pen down, got up from his seat, and walked over to your side, one hand leaning on the table, the other on the back of your chair. “Let me help you.”

No! No! No!

You can feel his warmth against your arm. You could smell his cologne. It was an enticing mix of Jasmine and Cedarwood. It made your skin prickly with goosebumps.

Your face is still against the textbook page, now terrified to pull it away due to the obvious heat in your cheeks.

Nanami’s hand went to your shoulder. “Come on now, it can’t be that bad.”

Muffled still by your squashed nose against the book. “Oh, it’s definitely hard.”

“So she says…”

Did he really just make a ‘that’s what she said’ joke?

You heard his light chuckle in your ear at his own resolve.

And you could just dissolve into the carpet now if you had the sheer willpower to.

“Let me get up and walk around. That might help me clear my mind.” He pulled away from you at your suggestion.

“Good idea. I’ll watch over your things until you get back.”

You shuffled away from him, pushing the lever of the door handle a little too hard, the door swinging and bouncing against the adjoining wall. "Oops..."

You walked down the hall towards the water fountain, splashed cold water over your face in the girl's bathroom, taking deep breaths at a nearby open window.

You did this to yourself by thinking just a little too hard about a boy and now you’ve got to get yourself out of it.

Just walk in there and tell him you need some space from him.

You can be honest. You do need space. It’s no big deal.

He's going to have no idea what the hell you need space for. He's not going to know all these cursed feelings you have right now about him.

But then again, you don't want to be rude. You don't want to see as if you dislike him in any way. You just need space to be able to breathe without your heart pounding in your chest ready to send you to an early grave. Like being a sorcerer isn't a death wish already...

Just talking to him in theory is good and all, but when you’re standing face to face with him you can’t seem to get the words out.

I need some space from you right now.

I want want to touch you.

No.

Hey Ken, maybe I should study somewhere else. Yeah, I can do that.

I just want to taste your lips.

NO.

Okay, so actions then, not words. Get your things and leave.

You start to walk past him, but when he reaches out to stop you with an arm stretched out, you grab the blue polyester of his standard Jujutsu High uniform jacket, pull him towards you, and firmly pressed your lips against his.

Taste.

Just a taste.

The kiss was somewhat chaste as well as kisses go.

You pulled away without looking him in the eyes and walked around to the side of the table with all your books and notebooks. You hurried to try and grab your things, but his hand stopped you from fumbling over your notes.

He pulls you against his body, taking your cheek into his hand and kissing you. It was a deep kiss, one that you melted into. It left you breathless when your lips parted.

Kento was smiling down at you, his eyes soft. “If that’s what you wanted, you could have just asked me.”

You were still taking small breaths, but you kept eye contact this time.

Those brown eyes.

You swallowed. “I don’t think I knew I wanted that until this very moment.”

He was moving back down towards your mouth, ghosting his lips over yours. “Do you want me to kiss you again?”

You reached up, wrapping your hand around the nape of his neck, pulling him fully against your lips once more. You mewled when his hands smoothed down the curve of your back and inhaled sharply when he bit your lip. “Ken…” you plead, breathy between kisses. You weren’t really sure what you were pleading for, just him. More of Nanami.

He picked you up onto the table where you had your books and notebooks and set you down. His kisses are hot and bruising. You moan into his mouth, "Ken..."

He chuckles. "What?" Breaking from your lips and kissing your cheek to the soft spot behind your ear, down your neck and licked your collarbone. You tried to cover your whimper pressing your lips together, gripping at his uniform jacket. "Tell me what you want me to do."

You pull him to your mouth again. Your tongue reaching out and tasting him. "I......" He grabbed at your behind pulling you flush against his waist.

You snap out of it for a moment. Pulling away from his chest, looking seriously. "What has gotten into you?" He's looking at you with surprised eyes. "Huh?"

Your fingers run over the seam of his jacket. "You're so cool and collected. You don't care about anything, in fact, I think you hate everything. You keep people an arm's length away. Yet..." You reach up to touch his cheek. "You're here with me."

Kento smiles and lets out a sigh. He runs his fingers through his hair. "You are partially correct." He stepped away from you. The cold breeze from the nearby vent made itself known. "I tolerate most things because I have to. You on the other hand, I don't need to tolerate you to be around you." He turned to you with the sweetest smile you've ever seen on his face. "In other words, I like being around you. In fact, I prefer being around you. I just have to tolerate others due to sorcery circumstances."

He reached out a hand for you to grab. He pulled you to your feet and close to him. The warmth returning, enveloping you. "I try to be a gentleman. I didn't want to push anything on you. But you kissed me first. Now, how can I resist you?"

Shit.

But you want this though.

"Oh.." is all you could get out before he pulled you towards the bookshelves and pushed you against them. His forearm braced on a shelf above your head, leaning down until you can feel his breath on your face. "You know, we are in a library. We don't want to make a scene or be too loud. Someone might show up." He tilted your chin up so that your noses brushed. His voice was soft and rugged. "Can you keep quiet for me?"

Your breath catches in your throat. Your heart is beating so hard, you can hear the ringing in your ears. "Hmmmm? He asks, waiting for an answer.

You nod your head and he kisses your lips. His hand reaches down and under your skirt and runs his fingers over the soaked bit of your panties. His touch making you cry out. He pulls his hand away. "What did I tell you?"

Ken reached down again pulling your panties to the side, running his fingers along your slit. “You’re so wet already." He's running circles over your swollen clit. "So, minimal effort here. Just a little stretch first."

You're writhing from his touch. His fingers plunge down into your core feeling your tight walls around clench around them. You were trying so hard to be quiet, clenching your teeth and pushing your face into his shoulder to muffle your moan.

"Good girl." His voice in your ear sent a shiver back down to his fingers inside you, as you tried to clamp your legs shut. His tongue clicked against his teeth. He kissed and bit at the side of your neck where he whispered back into your ear. "Just a little while longer." Three fingers curling deliciously where you need them to be. "I know you can do it."

Your whole body is tense as he pushes you towards your orgasm. But the closer you got the more you fought against it; clenching your legs, loud whimpers, and your own hands gripping and pulling on his jacket.

"I warned you." With his unoccupied hand, he grabbed both of your wrists and pinned them over your head. The sting of pressure against the hardwood shelves causes you to wince. A swipe of his shoe against yours opened your legs wider for him. The curl of his fingers quickened their assault on your softest parts. His thumb making work of your clit. And when you cried out a moan, he kissed you deep enough to quiet you in your release.

Nanami let your sweet nectar coat his fingers before he brought them to his mouth. He licked from the base of his finger to the tip, savoring the sensation on his taste buds. "Mmmmm, baby." Then placed them fully into his mouth sucking them clean. "Next time I want it all," he said, licking his lips.

He looked around the tight space you were confined in. "Hmmm, I need something sturdy. I can't have you hitting your head on these shelves." He walked to the end of the book stack looking around the side and disappearing momentarily, returning with a medium-sized corner desk. He pushed down on the wood, trying to sway it back and forth. "This should do." He looked over to you. "What do you think sweetheart?"

You were trying to regain your strength. Your knees were weak and luckily your breathing became regular. You didn't answer him or protest when he guided you to the desk he meticulously placed in the corridor. He gently pushed you down against the surface, your hands forward to stop you from hitting your face. You hear the jingle of his belt when he unfastened the clasp.

Your cheek rests softly against the lacquered surface of the desk. You're too tired to try at this point and admittedly, you wanted this. You wanted to feel him inside of you. To make you come again and again. To start a new habit of rendezvousing to corners where he can fuck you until your voice is too strained to speak. Your body sore from the impact. Your eyes drunk with insurmountable lust.

Nanami rubbed the head of his cock over your folds. You heard his breath catch. "You're so soft and warm already." He nudged the tip against your entrance, pushing a small portion of his length inside of you. He couldn't stop a moan from escaping his mouth. "Yes....Yes, you're perfect." He pulled back his hips and then pushed deeper inside. "So incredibly perfect for me."

Your hands reach out to the edges of the desk and hold onto them for support as your body pushes forward with every thrust. You tried your hardest to not moan, so soft mewling behind tightly shut eyes and pressed lips was what you could muster.

Deeper and deeper, harder and harder. Pausing for a moment when your pussy engulfed his entire length. A deep rumble from his chest.

"Nana....." You whined. You're walls gripping onto him.

He's so big......so big.

He chuckled. "What?" His hands massaged the soft flesh of your ass. "Do you want me to continue?"

You wiggled your bottom a little, but he firmly grabbed it and held you in place. "If you want more, you need to ask me."

You turned your cheek back toward him. He leaned down, moving the hair from your neck so he could kiss your sensitive skin. "Ken, please....please I want more."

"More?" Teasing you, speaking so sweetly into your ear.

You pouted, trying to push back against him, his weight on you not providing much movement. "Alright, alright." He started a delicious rhythm, the desk shaking below you, a forgotten pencil rolling about in the interior drawer like a soothing wave.

Whenever he sped up, his grunting became louder. "Ken, you're so loud." He was loudly whispering through his grunts. "I'm trying to be quiet sweetheart, but you feel so fucking good."

He slowed himself down to try and muffle his audible pleasure, but the back build would take over and he would thrust wildly, threatening to send you over the edge and not just the desk's edge.

After several attempts to hush his moaning and grunting, the ups and downs of peaking pleasure, he'd had enough. Enough pleasantries, enough trying to keep to library ethics. If he kept this up, neither of you would finish. You both would be miserable. And nothing would make him as grumpy as blocking himself of his own release. What is started must be finished, no matter what, even if noisy...

He pulled himself out from you and gently picked you up and carried you to the table where all of the books and notebooks remained. He set you down on the edge. Nimbly, he unfastened the buttons on his jacket and pulled it from his arms. When Kento pushed you to lay down he placed his jacket under your head to protect you from injuring yourself. With the way he knew he would be pounding into you, it would surely be cause for a clonk on the head.

“Common place rules are out the window. I’m tired of trying to fuck you and keep quiet about it. If someone hears us, let them.” He slammed his cock all the way back into you making you scream out. “That’s it,” he said through his loud moan. The sound of him letting go, the ring of voice going straight down into your core. The one he was driving into so fervently.

Ken and you both writhing and swaying in eager harmony. Your hands reaching out to hold onto his wrists at your waist, your back arched with overwhelming pressure. His head thrown back, the tight grip on your hips, his fingers digging in. The chorus of pleasure leaving your lips, echoing against the shelved walls on either side of you both. A loose textbook falling onto the floor with a clatter when Nanami pulled himself out of you with such grief, spilling onto your thigh. He wanted nothing more than to succumb to that sweet, small death inside of you, and pulling away felt like a loss. But seeing your own slick pour from you gave him great pride.

He reached out a finger and swiped it against your folds, gathering juices around the tip of his finger. He pulled you into an upward sitting position, an arm around your waist, the other gently pushing your lips open. “Taste it. If I do, I’ll just want more.”

You opened your mouth for his finger to enter, sucking gently on it. “See how good you are? How good you taste. You made such a pretty mess.” He looked around at the previously abandoned desk, the papers and books strewn all over on the floor that were so carefully organized at the table you once studied at. “So we did make a scene?”

But you were looking at him. His white button up shirt unkempt. The way his shoulders shrugged forward. His hair sticking to dried sweat on his forehead. The calm in his serious eyes. The overly reddened tint of his lips.

He’s so handsome when he’s like this. When he vulnerable.

You’re probably the only one to actually see him in that state.

You laughed.

He turned to you surprised.

You kept laughing. Your cheeks were red hot.

“What is it now?” He couldn’t help but smile at how he admired your cute laugh.

You pushed yourself off of the table and grabbed the tissue box sitting on a small table at the endcap of the shelf by the main walkway.

“I was just thinking about how the guys were making fun of us being in a situation like this.” You cleaned yourself to the best of your abilities and straightened your uniform. “However, I believe they would be way too full of themselves to truly believe this actually happened.” You began picking up papers and putting them into your bag. “I wonder if they would stop teasing you if they only knew how well you fucked me?” You looked back and smiled towards him as he made himself presentable.

A tsk coming from him as he helped you pick up the important study material from the ground. “Yeah right. Do you think those special grade oafs would ever stop their tormenting?”

You laughed, trying to cover the sound. Second nature decorum taking root again, trying to be quiet in a common area. Not moments before Nanami’s name booming from your lips, over and over and over and over.

“Yu, maybe he would be okay.” He smiled to himself. “He’s not exactly like them. I think he just tries to act cool around the upperclassmen to fit in. We’re actually pretty close.”

You admired the way he smiled and meant it. His vulnerability shining through. Though it was fleeting when he grabbed the rest of his things in his arms. His stature taut, his shoulders tense, his eyes serious once more.

What would I give for more of that soft side?

More fucking? Sure…

But maybe just loving as well.

I can handle that.

“We should get out of here before someone comes in or catches on.” You followed him out of the library, the door closing with a loud click into place.

“We should study again soon. I think I’m really able to grasp it when you explained it to me.”

He nodded. You caught the small smile curling at his lips. “I would be happy to help.” He turned and began walking in the opposite direction from which you stood. “Next time we need to find a more comfortable space so we can really focus on the material.” He spoke over his shoulder and waved goodbye.

You giggled to yourself.

Where would be a good place? Dorms would be too obvious and you both room next to classmates. Storage closet, that’s way too dirty and way overdone. Oh, how about the auditorium? Too much acoustics. No one uses the pool, but the chlorine, eww.

A lightbulb went on and you shook your head to snap out of your idle thoughts.

The test!

You didn’t even study for the damn test!

You were studying something else and not what you actually needed to do.

You slapped yourself in the forehead. This is why we needed space, not encroachment. Ughhhhh!

You ran down the hall towards the classrooms in a flash.

It was a worthy distraction though.

“What if I fuck him?”

Fuck.

Better yet, fucked Kento Nanami.

And sometime soon, again.

╘══════════════════════╛

© 2023 givemeonereason

Don’t steal other people’s works! Respect creators!

Reblogs and likes appreciated :)

[ferronickel]

Hail, flatter! This one, who is a layperson of the arts and comixcraft, has a query for you:

So like, what is flatting?

I've seen your flats in Wifwulf, and I've read about the flats in Looking Glasses, and generally get that it results in an image with similarly coloured areas sharing the same false-colour.

But like, how is it then used? The final images seem to contain more colours and shading, so why not just go straight to this? Why do false colours get used instead of the real ones? How do you pick the colours and how many get used?

How come this is a thing that a whole other person can do separately? I guess that's because it's time consuming - so it saves time somehow?

Thank you! I come in the spirit of humility wishing to relieve my ignorance of your noble craft!

OHOHOHO!!! You've activated my trap card and now I get to ramble about comics craft! And in my area of professional expertise, too! Be prepared for a long post

I'm going to start with the last part of your question:

How come this is a thing that a whole other person can do separately? I guess that's because it's time consuming - so it saves time somehow?

So the thing about comics is that it is one of the most intensely time consuming mediums to create. One person can make comics on their own fairly easily, but it takes forever to produce. Consider that I've been working on Looking Glasses for 18-19 months and have drawn about 87 pages. Now, the western comics industry expects issues to be produced monthly, generally 24 pages in length. It's very difficult for a single person to work at this rate, so the labor of producing comics has been divided. Generally these jobs become:

Writer (writes the script)

Editor (edits the script)

Artist (draws the lineart)

Colorist (colors and renders the art)

Letterer (adds balloons, dialog, and sfx)

Flatter (sometimes 'color assistant' they take the art and prepare it for coloring)

This isn't comprehensive though, there are a bunch of other jobs, like designers and layout artists. Occasionally the artist job gets broken into Pencilers (who sketch the art) and Inkers (who ink the sketch). Basically, by splitting the work amongst a number of people you can produce comics much faster. Not all of these jobs are required, and creator-owed books might have artists do their own coloring and lettering, while big work-for-hire books might have twice as many people working so they can pump out a spider-man book every other week.

Okay, so why Flatters?

Flatting at it's most basic level is just coloring inside the lines. You take a black and white page of art, and you have to fill in every part of the page that will eventually be colored. It's a pretty time consuming task depending on how involved your lineart is.

Flatting a page of Looking Glasses doesn't take me all that long, usually less than a half hour, which is pretty quick. Looking Glasses pages tend to be... optimized for flatting though. There are only ever a few characters and there aren't a ton of background details.

You mentioned Wifwulf (created by my longtime friend and collaborator Dailen Ogden), here's one of it's pages:

Basically everything that's a different base color, (every tree, plant, bit of moss, character, etc.) needed to be picked out separately. Each page of Wifwulf took me a few hours to flat. If Dailen had been doing that themself, those hours would have really added up, but instead they could spend that time drawing and coloring. Now, that said, these pages have a lot of texture, so it's hard to see exactly what I did.

Here's an example from a comic I worked on early in my career. (Lineart by Patrick Custodio)

The writer for this comic loved to put in these incredibly complex crowd scenes, which is something the artist excelled at drawing. I was coloring and flatting at this point on the book, and before I could even start coloring properly, I would need to flat for like eight hours. (I have a much more efficient method these days) It was frustrating because I just wanted to work on the actually creative part, but the majority of my time was spent on something monotonous. As soon as I got the writer to hire a flatter for me, coloring a page would take me only one or two hours, not nine or ten.

So that's why flatters exist, mainly to ease the workload on colorists.

But like, how is it then used? The final images seem to contain more colours and shading, so why not just go straight to this?

Flatting serves a couple of purposes. It's main function, like I said above, is just coloring in the lines. After finishing your lineart it has to get colored in, so in a layer below the lines, you add colors.

The secondary function is preservation. I like to work in a way that is non-destructive, basically, at any point in the process I can restore an earlier version of the drawing if I make a mistake or don't like something. Flats are integral to this.

In digital art, there's this thing called anti-aliasing, where the edges of a line or shape have a drop off of pixel color or opacity. It makes the edges look smoother or blurrier. The three dots on the left are Anti-Aliased, while the one on the right is Aliased, there's no drop off, just hard pixels.

Anti-aliasing is fine until you need to change the color using the paint bucket, or select using the magic wand...

See how the anti-aliased art doesn't play well with these tools, but the aliased art does? So with something like Wifwulf, the final art is going to be full of texture that makes it impossible to select anything again once it's painted. By having a dedicated aliased flats layer under the rest of the artwork, you can always re-select any part of the image you want.

I always leave my flats layer alone, and do any detail work in layers above. For example when I was painting this, it really helped to be able to select just the titan so I could work on those paints without worrying about brushstrokes overlapping the rest of the characters.

One of the other things you can do with flats is quickly selecting certain elements. On most pages, I flat my panels, figures, and background elements separately. Later, with a single button press, I can select just the characters in the scene, or entire panels at a time, which makes things like shading a whole lot easier.

Why do false colours get used instead of the real ones?

If you're flatting for other people you often don't know what the final colors are going to be, so you just pick random ones. Garish colors can be helpful because it makes it obvious that they're not the final colors. Why don't I use the correct colors on my own pages when I'm flatting? Habit, mostly. It's also faster to grab random colors than to track down the correct ones. Sometimes two different things will have the same final color but I like to flat them with different colors so I can select them individually if I need to.

You can see the process a bit here. In my flats, Lancer's spade (eye? eyes? thing) is a different color from his tongue, even if they end up being the same white in the final image. This would help if I ever needed to select just his eyes for some reason. You can also see how I select his body fur color and then add details on top, like his colored fingers and the grey on his arm. Those elements have blurry anti-aliased edges, and it would be impossible to re-select them without flats.

How do you pick the colours and how many get used?

I use the default "additional color set" palette in clip studio and just work my way through it. I pick row and work my way down (for a change of pace I vary which row I start with). How many is mostly dependent on the artwork. You just keep going until you run out of individual objects to color. I have worked on pages where I've run out of colors on this palette and had to start making up more. Typically a page of Looking Glasses only needs around 20-30, though.

So! That's flatting! It's a little known job, and it's how I got started with my comics career, so I have a lot of thoughts on it. I was trying to be concise (lol), so I hope this all makes sense, but I'd be happy to clarify or answer any other questions about this process. I know I didn't really go into how I flat my work, so I can make that post if anyone is interested.

[yo-yo-yeonkai]

PAGES OF OUR YOUTH - CHOI YEONJUN - SFW

Choi Yeonjun x Fem!reader

Genre: Fluff

Warning list: Childhood bestie! Yeonjun, non-idol AU!, a slow burn, possessiveness, misunderstanding, they are both so clueless it hurts, underage drinking, alcohol, parties, swears, not proofread entirely, let me know if I missed any,

Word count: 14,070

Summary: You both kept dairies growing up and reading them now shows the desperate yet beautiful love story you had… who knew two people could view things so differently.

A/N: All of (Y/N)'s writing will be in italics with a pink date, whilst Yeonjun's will have a blue date, Anything their daughter says or is current time will be in bold

Extra: I’m sorry this is so long… it is interesting though, I promise!!!!

Happy Birthday Yeonjun <3

Fuck it was dusty up here, how dare Dad send her up here, she was practically choking on the air. Smelled old…like him, she laughed at her own jokes and kept searching for it. Why did she have to ask dumb questions….

A few days ago, she asked ‘’some parents have a box of their child’s things, do you have one for me?’’, and to that, her dad said, ‘’yeah, if you want it, it’s in the attic with a pink lid, it has your name on it. it’s easy to find’’.

Her dad offered to go and get it at that point, but she said no. God how she wished she’d said yes... this was unbearable.

It was clean up here but somehow dusty as fuck, the light shone over all the specs, and she could clearly tell which things had been moved more recently than others. She found the box, among other boxes. One said her mum’s name and one her dad’s name… cool they have childhood boxes too…

Let's see how ugly they were as children!

But what met her was much more confusing, it was a letter, from her mum to her dad, it was in her dad’s box. And the next one was, and each one had a date…

Oooo, what if she was to line them all up in timeline order? She was going to… because she was curious! But first, she had to clean this room and get her bean bag up here. That is how the 18-year-old dove into her parent's memories, not so accidentally finding out all about their relationship.

Once each note or letter was lined up in the folder of a book, and she acquired her parent's childhood diaries from the bottom of their boxes, she began flicking through them.

2005, September, 5

School today! It was okay. Beth tried to take my snack. She is mean! The teacher told her off. Mum says good. So do I. New boy in school. He wasn’t here last time. Where did he come from? I don’t remember his name. he looked weird.

2005, September, 5

School started. It was a new one. I don’t like it. nobody spoke to me. This girl got a bully told off. That was cool. I think her name was (Y/N). She seemed smart.

2005, September, 7

New boy lives next door! Mum made me say hello. I said no. but she never hears me. She must not like me. I love my mum. She must hate me. I feel sad. I still don’t know his name. he didn’t say hello. He must hate me. Now I’m sadder.

2005, September, 7

(Y/N) is my neighbour. She came over with her parents. I got scared because she is cool. She said hi. I didn’t. I’m mean. She probably thinks I’m stupid.

2005, October, 16

Mum keeps making me go to his house. I don’t want to speak. Not to him. He looks at me weird. He must hate me to the max. Mum says no. She is a liar. His parents are nice. Not as good as mine. Good. My mum and his mum are friends. Just like me and Hana. Good. Mum should have friends as well.

2005, October, 21

They keep coming to my home. Mum and Dad say it is because we are friends. I didn’t know. Me and her are friends? ok.

2005, November, 19

New boy stayed in his room when we came over. His mum said he was sick. She lied. I could hear him singing. It was good. I like singing too. Maybe we can be friends. I’m bad at singing. He will think I suck. We can’t be friends.

2005, November, 19

They are at my house now. I locked myself in my room. Mum told me to come out or (Y/N) wouldn’t want to be my friend. I don’t care. She scares me. She is quiet at school but loud with her parents. She must be a transformer or something weird. I’ll block her out with my singing.

2005, December, 17

Nearly Christmas! So excited! Mum told me to give Yeonjoon something. I asked Mum his name. I had to write it on a card. He is Yeonjoon. I don’t know what to get him. We aren’t even friends. He is just a weirdo. Maybe he’d like a rock as well? Do all kids like them? Hana doesn’t. But I do! Yeonjoon probably won’t.

2005, December, 21

Christmas. I can’t wait to get new toys. Dad made me sign a card for (Y/N). ok. Mum said I should pick her a flower for Christmas. There are no flowers around. I looked. Mum must have meant it as a joke. I should’ve laughed instead of being serious.

2005, December, 25

Yeonjoon’s family is coming over today. I don’t want them to. This day is meant to be for my family! Not other families. Mum says I should spend time with people I like. I told her I didn’t like him. She told me that was mean. Oh well. I must go now. The doorbell is ringing.

I’m back. I showed Yeonjoon Yeonjun my rocks, he didn’t care. I knew I shouldn’t have offered him one. He took it anyway. It was the small one, named Sam. I liked that one. I hope he doesn’t lose it.

2005, December, 25

Christmas today. I just opened all my presents. I got so many cool things. Mum told me to get ready because we are going to (Y/N)’s house after lunch. I decided not to fight it. Today should be happy. So I will be.

I’m home. We went to (Y/N)’s house. Food was yummy. (Y/N) spelt my name wrong on the card, so I corrected her. She seemed sad. I was sad she spelt it wrong. I got hers right.

We went to her room to play. She collects rocks. That’s not normal. She gave me one as a gift. It was weird but I picked one. The smallest one so she wouldn’t get sad. She called it Small Sam. It was funny that it had a name. I’ll keep him in my bedside table, so I don’t lose it. first Christmas gift I got from a friend.

2006, January, 29

I know Yeonjun lost Sam, he’s not in Yeonjun’s room. my small rock baby died. Because of Yeon-poop-jun. I hate him.

2006, January, 29

She was mad today. She was looking all around my room. I asked her what she wanted. She said she was only looking. Weird girl. It was kind of funny. I hope she wasn’t judging.

2006, April, 2

Yeonjun came over again today, he brought Sam. We played with rocks. He even went to the garden and found his own rock. Why is he nice? I’m sorry Yeonjun for thinking you killed Sam. I’m glad you like rocks as well.

2006, April, 2

I went to (Y/N)’s house because I was bored. Mum told me I should see if she wanted to play. So I brought Small Sam because I know she likes rocks. She was happy. We played rocks. She had more rocks to play with than me. I went to her garden and found my own one. I named him Gerard. Seemed right. I had fun even though they were rocks.

2006, June, 14

I had a thought when I was playing with Gerard and Sam. What if (Y/N) is poor and has no money for toys? That would be sad. I told Mum we should get her something. She said no. That (Y/N) had toys. She just likes rocks. Odd.

2006 July, 22

I have nobody to play with apart from Poop-Jun. Summer is boring. I wish my friend lived as close as Yeonjun. then I could play with them. Yeonjun is boring now. He got annoyed with my rocks. I thought he liked them. If he was a rock I’d put him in the toilet and flush it.

2006, July, 22

I went to (Y/N)’s. I was trying to see if she had toys. Mum says she does. I’m not sure. I asked if we could play with something that isn’t rocks. She got sad. I didn’t mean to make her sad. I was just checking if she was poor. If she was. I’d give her a toy. She got mad that I wouldn’t play rocks and kicked me out.

2006, September, 4

I didn’t speak to Yeonjun all summer after the rock thing. I saw him in school today. He has glasses now. He looks silly. I wanted to laugh but I knew I shouldn’t. I kept my head in my book all day.

2006, September, 4

(Y/N) still seemed mad about the rocks when we went back to school. I hoped she wasn’t. I feel bad that she does. She laughed at my glasses. On purpose to get back at me. Mum said I had to keep my glasses. But I hate them now. I don’t want her people to make fun of me.

2006, October, 31

Me and Yeonjun went trick-or-treating together. It was fun. He was a pirate. I was a princess. Our mum’s made us match. We looked good. I had pink hair spray. I looked pretty.

2006, October, 31

Halloween. (Y/N) was a princess. She had pink hair. I thought only adults could have coloured hair. Her mum told me it was fake. I asked if it was a wig. She told me no and showed me it was a spray. She asked me if I wanted some. I did. I got a streak of pink. (Y/N) told me it was pretty. She called me a princess. I was a pirate. But ok.

2007, February, 9

Mum told me Yeonjun and I are two peas in a pod. What does that mean? Peas are gross. Are we gross? Maybe he is but I am not. How mean!

2007, February, 21

Mum said me and (Y/N) are like magnets that could stick together but chose not to. She explained it to me. It was confusing. Magnets have two poles. If you put opposite poles against each other they join. If you put the same poles together they push apart. Is she saying I push (Y/N) apart? Do I need to spin around? I don’t get it.

2007, May, 7

Me and Yeonjun don’t speak in school. Isn’t that weird? Are we friends? I don’t know. But every time I hear a fun song I write it down and put it in his letterbox. I hope he likes it. He likes singing.

2007, June, 29

I was walking home today and I saw a rock. I thought it looked like a heart and I thought of (Y/N). She would like that rock. So I kicked it home and left it near her front gate. Hopefully she will see it and like it. I thought it was cool.

2007, June, 30

You won't believe it! I found the cutest rock ever today. It was near my house's front gate. It looks like a heart. When I looked up I saw Yeonjun with his head out of the door watching me. I decided I’d call it Yeonjun. it seemed fitting. He shouldn’t have been watching if he didn’t want me to use his name. hehehehe!

2007, June, 30

OMG! She just picked up the rock and saw me. She smiled at me. Does she know it was me? Oh no. wait. Maybe that isn’t bad.

2007, August, 1

I heard Yeonjun singing one of the songs I suggested today. So I asked how he knew it. I hoped he didn’t know it was me. He said his parents write notes for him to suggest him songs. He says the songs are good. That’s good! Because it isn’t his parents. It’s me!

2007, August, 1

(Y/N) complimented the song I was singing today. I’ll have to thank Mum and Dad for suggesting it. she seemed happy that she knew the song. Note to self: It’s one of her favourites.

She closed the diaries and sighed, ‘’Dad, that note to self was not helpful. How am I meant to know what song was Mum’s favourite? Grandma and Nana were doing all the work, goddam. Going to have to make a few phone calls after this. God, they were so clueless back then. Dad clearly likes her!’’. The slow-burn love story was driving her crazy, but she was invested. How did her parents fall in love? This would be the perfect inspiration for her creative writing project.

She picked up the next diaries, it looked like they were in secondary school now.

2010, September, 4

Looks like me and Yeonjun are still going to the same schools, how annoying. I thought I would finally be able to escape him, but I was dreadfully wrong. Yeonjun’s mum told me about us being magnets yesterday. She is clearly crazy. Me and Yeonjun aren’t even the same creation. He is cool and talented, and I’m just me. Was she just trying to show off her son and make me feel bad? Probably not, but it worked.

2010, September, 10

Apparently, the school want us to keep diaries, so we can stay in touch with ourselves and our mental health. Bullshit if you ask me. But whatever. I like writing, but when I’m forced to like this, it makes me want to shove a pen in my eye. Same way seeing (Y/N) at school does. She’s always around me, I feel like we are joined! I just want to grab a pair of scissors and cut the thread connecting us!

WAIT…. NOOOOO! I just made myself think about the red thread of fate! Oh, fuck no! Brb, going to die.

2010, November, 13

Yeonjun is so popular at school that it hurts. I used to be the only one that knew he was talented, but now it's different. He wants the whole school to know so he can climb the social ladder. What a bitch. He’s just rubbing it in my face that I’m not cool, I’m just a nerdy quiet girl. Well, fuck him!

2010, November, 27

(Y/N) was in the library again today, I could see her as I left to go to the field. She’s always in there. Maybe I could convince her to come and play with me? I doubt it. she hates talking to me at school. Fine, whatever she wants…

2010, December, 24

Yeonjun won’t be here this Christmas, he’s gone to spend it with more family. It’s weird knowing he won’t be coming for dinner, he has been since we were 6, we are 12 now. OH, MY GOD, I’ve known him for 6 years. GROSS!

2010, December, 24

(Y/N) told me to have a nice time visiting my family when I saw her earlier, but I could see the sadness in her eyes. Maybe she feels the same way I do. I love my family but, in a way, (Y/N) and her family became part of my Christmas. We’ve spent 6 Christmases together, it will feel wrong without her, I know that much.

2010, December, 25

Christmas was great, in a way it was peaceful without Yeonjun around. But I'm not sure if I like that or not yet. It felt a little dull without him, but I still had fun. I felt really close with Mum and Dad today, it hasn’t been like this in years.

2010, December,25

It sucks here! Not even my cousins could make me feel better. I want to go back home. I should be happy… I haven’t seen my family all together like this in years. But thoughts of (Y/N) keep coming to mind, and I miss her. I hope she’s at least had a nice Christmas. I’ll call her later, so I know she isn’t bored without me.

2011, January, 1

Happy New Year! Yeonjun came last night and surprised me and my family. It was nice, so nice I forgot to write about it. I’m glad I got to speak to him in person again because his calls every evening got boring. He danced and sang a lot last night, he made all the grown-ups laugh. I wish I could bring joy to people like that. I’m jealous.

2011, January, 1

It’s the new year now. Mum told me to make a resolution. I told her I did, but I'm a stinking liar. I know I’m not going to stick to that. Perhaps I should make it something like ‘’call (Y/N) every night to annoy her’’ or maybe something useful like ‘’sign up to dance club’’. Maybe the last one is smart. I don’t like the other one, I don’t want to annoy (Y/N), she’ll only start hating me.

2011, March, 30

Yeonjun started doing dance club recently, and now he’s always late home and late places. I heard our mums talking about it. I couldn’t imagine being late for anything. He's got too much on his plate, he's out of touch with what he's capable of.

2011, April, 7

(Y/N) told me I should start being on time for things today. All because I was late to school and then late to her house after club. It’s not my fault I’m tired and busy. She’s not my mother! She’s got big boots because she does every piece of homework the day it's set and hands it in early. I must be stupid in her eyes. It’s not that I can’t do it… I just can’t time myself well.

2011, May, 18

Rumour got around at school quickly that Yeonjun finally got a detention for his tardiness. I want to say good, but I feel kind of bad. I know he works hard he just can’t organise himself. All he needs is someone to keep him on track. Maybe I’ll message him something like ‘’Do you need my help. We can Facetime and talk about the homework the night it's set, and both get it done together’’. Yeah, that seems nice, I'll message that.

Oooo, he responded. He took me up on my offer. He wants to call now so I’ll go. Time to be a hero…

2011, May, 29

Thank God for (Y/N)! ever since she started helping me, I can control myself a bit better. My homework gets handed in on time and because I’m less stressed, I sleep better, which means I wake up on time for school. She’s a blessing, isn’t she? A little time angel.

2011, July, 6

I regret saying I'd help Yeonjun. he started coming over to my house every evening so we could work on homework together. It’s better this way, but it’s annoying. He doesn’t knock! It drives me crazy. Every time I remind him knocking is a thing he says ‘’Yeah, next time’’. BUT HE NEVER DOES!! Next time I’ll hit him, I swear.

2011, July, 27

I’m so glad the school year is over and me and (Y/N) got closer. I think my New Year’s resolution worked for both ideas I had. ‘’Sign up to dance club’’, well it also did the same thing as ‘’Annoy (Y/N) more’’. Though she doesn’t seem to hate me. Cool!

She put down the book and practically slapped her head ‘’How dumb are you both?’’ she questioned sizing up the next book that seemed to be from year 11. She wonders why there are so many gaps in between. Then she remembers the thing her dad wrote about being forced to keep a diary.

2014, September, 7

School started again… unfortunately. The summer was nice this year. Me and Yeonjun hung out nearly every day. He didn’t really give me a choice, he was always barging in. No, he still hasn’t learnt how to knock. It drives me insane. I punched him in the arm last time, he only laughed like a maniac. Fucking freak.

He’s in my Maths class now, he was the set below last year. Clearly, all the studying I helped him do pay off. I’m proud of myself, and him I suppose. He sits next to me now. He passes me notes. I’ll stick them on the pages.

You look like a nerd when you concentrate, did you know that? -Yeonjun <3

As if I give a fuck, who does he think he is? Sending me notes when I was trying to concentrate like a nerd! That was not helpful Yeonjun!

2014, September, 7

WINNING! I got moved up a set! To (Y/N)’s set, which means I’m a genius by the way. She even sits next to me. That means I can cheat! Not that she’d let me… she believes strongly in hard work, and so do I. That’s why I worked so hard over the summer to get better, I don’t need perfect grades for being a musician, but getting them would be nice.

I sent her a post-it note in maths class, I don’t remember what It said but she sent one back. Why didn’t she just write on the one I gave her and hand it back?

Shut your mouth Poop-Jun, focus. Or you’ll become dumb again <3

-(Y/N)

Did she seriously call me POOP-JUN!! like a child? It’s kinda cute funny!!!!!!!!! I’ll have to make up a dumb name for her. Game on (Y/N)

2014, October, 31

I’m going to a party tonight, for the first time in my life. All because Yeonjun asked… I hate this man. I heard there would be alcohol, we aren’t old enough for alcohol. I voiced my concerns to Yeonjun, but he told me that was normal. What? I didn’t know that… underage drinking is normal. Had he drunk before? Why?

2014, October, 31

I finally convinced (Y/N) to come to the Halloween party with me. Thank fuck. Maybe I can teach her how to drink today before we get to college, and she embarrasses herself. Even if she did, I’d still like her. NOT IN A WEIRD WAY!! I just mean that I’d still be her friend!!

She sighs at her dad and mumbles ‘’I think the boy doth protest too much… nobody asked how you meant it, dad!’’

2014, November, 1

I feel like such a bad child. I need to confess that I drank last night. Not because Yeonjun told me, but because I was curious. He did offer me, but he warned me first. I heard him out but even after his lecture I still did it. he decided not to because I had, and he wasn’t sure if I could take it. Turns out I couldn’t take it that well and Yeonjun tried to take me home, I tried to tell him not to because of my parents. He already knew that though; he’s known my parents for more than half his life!!

We went to his instead and he let me sleep in his bed, he slept on the blow-up bed on his floor. It was weird having a sleepover with him, especially drunk. I remember looking off the bed and seeing him on the floor sleeping peacefully. I wished I could sleep peacefully, but the urge to throw up last night stuck like a nasty bug.

2014, November, 1

Note to self: (Y/N) absolutely can’t drink!!

God, it was so cute funny! She drank quite a lot, more than I'd expected. She seemed to have a lot of fun. But suddenly she kind of fell backwards against me. At first, I thought she was trying to put the moves on me, and I froze, but I quickly realised it was because she was drunk. She was losing control of her body. Though she protested when I tried to take her home, she eventually gave in. under one condition, not her parent's house. Did she think I was an idiot? I already knew that! I wasn’t born yesterday! Her parents might kill both of us. But my parents didn’t care… who do you think drove us home? Dad picked us up and I explained it to him. He came up with the solution of her sleeping over.

I froze once again at the thought… (Y/N), sleeping in my house? That was new! Fine, whatever. I agreed to it. I sent her parents a message on her phone so they wouldn’t suspect anything. Genius.

She was gone when I helped her into my bed, instantly collapsing. It was cu… no I won’t write that again!!!! I kept an eye on her because I didn’t want her throwing up and she looked so red… but even then, she was beau…

Never mind…

‘’NO. Dad, it was right there. You knew it. you liked her!!!! Please tell me you knew it’’ she huffed, frustrated by how her dad kept crossing out words or not finishing them.

2014, November, 10

I told my parents about my drinking; they didn’t actually care because they knew I was safe. They just wished I had come home so they could take care of me instead of me being in the house across. It nearly made me cry when my mum said that. They said at the age of 16 they would rather I didn��t unless I was at home, but that they did it when they were my age. Me and Yeonjun had clearly perceived them all wrong.

When he came flying into my house unannounced, I heard them talking to him downstairs about it so laughed upstairs until he flung my door open, something along the lines of ‘’You could’ve warned me’’ coming out of his mouth. Apparently, he was downstairs trying to fight for my life by keeping up the lie, until my parents told him I’d admitted it. all I could say was ‘’that’s what happens when you don’t ask to come over’’. He was quick to respond though ‘’You love it when I appear’’. He was wrong, I don’t love it, I only like it mildly….

2014, November, 10

How dare she?? I’ve never been more: horrified, shocked, and embarrassed all at the same time… was this revenge for taking her to the party? No… she definitely had fun, she thanked me. What did I do to deserve this? Imagine me lying my ass off to her parents, meanwhile, they know the truth, God there isn’t much worse than that. Practically broadcasting that I’m not the boy they know and love!

When I told her she should’ve warned me she was nonchalant about it all… how dare she be so calm. It annoyed me to see her like that, but it somehow calmed me down at the same time. We sat in her room all evening talking about what had happened at the party, what she actually remembered, how she talks in her sleep.

It was great until I caught her mum on the way out the door. ‘’I know you care about her, so I know you would never let something happen to her. But please don’t lie to me like that again… put some trust in me Yeonjun, and I’ll put my trust in you’’. I wasn’t sure what she meant by that, and I still don’t. it keeps circling my head, and each time I just want to know what she really meant. Easier said than done.

2014, December, 25

It’s that time of year again. Christmas. I don’t get the same joy I used to get from it now, but Yeonjun still seems thrilled by it. he just wouldn’t hang up the Facetime call last night. We fell asleep on it. I eventually drowned out the sound of him talking and drifted to sleep, but I woke to his sleeping face on my screen and panicked and hung up. It took me by surprise, I thought he would’ve hung up. Unless he accidentally fell asleep.

Even though he knew he’d see me later that day he was texting me things like ‘’GOOD MORNING’’, ‘’MERRY CHRISTMAS’’, ‘’I HAVE THE BEST GIFT FOR YOU THIS YEAR’’. Yes, Yeonjun types in all capitals, he’s on drugs I swear. This year I got him new dancing shoes with money I'd earned from my job, they were the ones he’d wanted for months… and I joined forces with his parents so we wouldn’t both get them for him. I’ll write again once he’s got them. So, I can forever replay the epic moment when he tells me I’m the best friend ever for listening to his never-ending whining.

2014, December, 25

I didn’t wake up on a call with her like I thought I would. Maybe she hung up in her sleep, or the call cut out. When she fell asleep last night to the sound of my voice, I found that so…. I found it very… very peaceful and nice! So, I stayed on call and eventually fell asleep myself. I found it comforting to do so…

Waking up without her on the call was more disheartening than I thought it might be, so I messaged her. No, I spammed her! She must think I’m stupid! She eventually answered me though. ‘’I look forward to giving you your gift! It’s so good, you’ll love it!’’. pshhhh, she thought she had a better gift than I'd got her, she was severely wrong. I’d got her a new set of paints and brushes, the expensive ones she said were out of her reach. She loves painting… and I love looking at her paint.

"Dad you are driving me crazy here, just admit it to yourself’’.

2014, December, 26

Yesterday was crazy! Yeonjun’s family came over and we did gifts like normal. Yeonjun got me the paints I wanted!! I was so glad he listened to my groans and used his brain to get me them. I have no clue where he got all that money, and it made me feel bad thinking about how he’d spent it all on me… but I did the same, so I suppose it’s fair. The best bit was, he gave me a tiny painted rock he’d apparently painted when he was sat with me in the art rooms at school. I didn’t even see him! Crazy! I think I want to start painting rocks now, I have so many I might as well.

But when things got serious is when our parents invited us to drink with them and play board games. Imagine me and Yeonjun on a team playing games against adults that were only tipsy. Ridiculous. We played Monopoly and I kept stealing Yeonjun’s money, he didn’t know though. He seemed clueless every time he picked up his money to pay ‘’where did I spend my money’’ he’d whine, a stupid pout on his lips. I’d then make up a story on how he’d spent it on his way around the board. He fell for it every time… nice!

2014, December, 26

OMG!!!! (Y/N) GOT ME THE DANCE SHOES I WANTED!!!! She must be rich to have afforded these! They are so comfortable and feel so nice when I dance. She knows me so well…. She is such a great listener. I only mentioned these once, I think…

We ended up drinking all together with our parents it was hilarious because she was so gone. I drank a little extra to keep up with her, but I couldn’t help but laugh every time I looked down at her pink-flushed face… she truly sucked at drinking. We were on the same team for charades, and she was awful at showing words, but great at guessing them. I couldn’t help but laugh at her terrible impression of a reindeer, she tried so hard. It was so cute. We played Monopoly all together and she kept stealing my money, she thought I didn’t know, but I did. She even watched me watch her take a piece and she still seemed convinced I didn’t know. I’d let her win today; it was too FUNNY not to.

2015, January, 19

Yeonjun kept sliding me notes. Now I have a collection of them… here.

Is the answer to question a x=6?

Yeonjun ;P

By the way, the answer was not 6. Yes, I did help him. I’m not a demon.

The boy in front of us has a sticker on his back!!!! HAHAHA

Yeonjun XD

I heard Yeonjun laugh to himself as he: one, realised our classmate had a sticker on his back, two wrote the note, three as he handed it to me, four as I read it, and five, looked at the boy's back. Yes, there was a sticker… was it funny, maybe a little. But he was distracting me.

Do you think I’m sexy?

YES OR YES    no

Sexy man Yeonjun ;D

When I received it, I crossed out his options with a laugh and showed him my new options. He pouted at me and acted like a stroppy baby for the rest of the class, how annoying.

Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?

(Y/N) … Don’t ignore this! Write the next lyric. I know you know it!

Don’t you wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?

DON’T CHA!!!!!!!!!

Well done

That one I nearly didn’t write the lyric because I was trying to focus. But it became more distracting to not answer him than to answer him. I discovered Yeonjun gives up faster if I just respond to him. It was also a note I nearly got confiscated from my desk, had Yeonjun not snatched it up before our teacher could see it. I’m glad he did.

Can I come over today?

Yeonjun <3

You always come over…

Yes, but I was asking because I’m nice.

No, you are asking because you are bored, can you please just focus on the lesson.

Only because you asked <3

That one was prime craziness and I snatched it up when the sight of a heart met my eyes. How could he be joking so shamelessly?

2015, January, 20

IT’S THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE! I got moved away from (Y/N) in maths!!! The teacher said we talk too much… I’m sorry but have you ever seen her mouth move for a fun conversation… no! She’s only ever explained things to me!! What is this hate that’s being slung our way! I’m pissed! There goes any fun I’ve ever had in school! Now all that’s left is cute notes she gave me!! I’m in my feelings!! I’ll stick the memories of our fun times together down below.

Yeonjun breath quieter, it’s too loud :)

Annoyed (Y/N)

The answer is 3 not 6!!

Smart (Y/N)

Our teacher is wrong the answer is actually 23. I have no clue how he got 24…

Confused (Y/N)

Can we get snacks before we head home?

Hungry (Y/N)

Is my hair flat at the back? I feel a bump…

Curious (Y/N)

2015, January, 23

Yeonjun got moved back next to me, good because he was whining about it so much, I thought I’d have to cut off my own ears. When I walked in and saw him sat down, I was glad the whining would be over. I knew he’d be all right without me, he is smart, but he seemed to want to cling to me. He needs to grow some self-confidence. 

2015, January, 23

THANK THE LORD THAT ME AND (Y/N) SIT NEXT TO EACH OTHER AGAIN!!!! Apparently, it was only for that one lesson, so when I went into the classroom early begging to sit next to her because she helps me, I was just embarrassing myself. Ughhh, the things I do for her happiness. I just knew she wouldn’t be able to handle being apart from me. The look on her face, when she saw me sitting in my normal seat, said it all. She was obviously in love with me!!!

"God no mum! He wanted to stay near you because he likessss you’’ She slapped the words in the diary, now annoyed by her clueless mother as well as her father.

2015, February, 9

Me and Yeonjun keep talking about college and what we want to do in the future. We both seem as clueless as each other so we spend days in my room googling colleges, and the courses they have. Half the problem is… we don’t really want to go our separate ways. I may get annoyed by him, but Yeonjun has been my friend for 10 years, and for all of that we’ve gone to the same school. I really don’t want that to change, it scares me.

What happens if I can’t make friends? I won’t even have Yeonjun to rely on!! What if I hate it and Yeonjun isn’t around to annoy me because he’s swimming in his popularity in a new school!!! Live your life, but please Yeonjun, stay near me….

2015, February, 10

Looking at colleges is so draining!! Who knew making one choice would feel so pressuring? I know what course I want to do, and the clubs don’t matter to me because I do them outside of school. So why do I find myself looking for colleges that have not only music courses but art ones as well? And why do I find myself suggesting them to (Y/N)?

She seems so stressed out whenever we are looking, so clearly, I’m just trying to help her whilst also looking for myself. Yeah, that sounds right!!!!! Every time we scoot closer together to look at her laptop, the screen lit up with college, I notice it, the look in her eyes. She’s scared, and I don’t know what to say. Life is moving on and I don’t think she’s prepared. She’s been focusing so much on this year that I honestly don’t think she ever thought past it. and now, as she’s trying to revise for her final exams in a few months’ time, she has to make decisions. Ones she’s not ready to make.

In the moment I often think about reaching my hand out to hold hers, maybe she would find comfort in it. but I don’t… it would be weird to her. I know that much….

‘’This is by far the worst bit I’ve read yet! Dad just do it, make a move’’.

2015, February, 17

We picked a college, and both applied, we haven’t heard back yet, but they have no reason to not accept us. I heard it's easy getting into colleges… I’m not sure if I believe it or not, but I'll hope. When we put in our applications I almost cried because I got so nervous, but Yeonjun wrapped his arm over my shoulder and dragged me into his side, the warmth almost comforting. He’s never hugged me out of the blue like that, it shocked me.

I found myself wanting him to hold me longer. I think it’s because I’ve never been hugged by anyone other than my parents, or his parents. My friends don’t hug me because they assume I don’t like to be touched. Am I to serious? I wonder what Yeonjun thinks… maybe he thinks I’m too serious and it took him this long to work up the courage to hug me. Maybe I should think about how I present myself to people.

2015, February, 17

We put in our college applications today, together. We applied for the same college as I wanted us to. She was worried because we had finally done it, made a decision. She expected to hear back instantly, I don’t know why, and when she didn’t, she got so nervous I thought she’d throw up. So, my arm moved before I could think. I hugged her!!! She didn’t run away or tell me I was gross… she calmed down slightly. Maybe she didn’t find it weird at all. I was really worried she would, that’s why I never comforted her physically. I suppose I was the one that was scared after all.

I really hope we get into the same college; I don’t really know what it would be like without her. No matter where I go, she’s always been there… not really, I could list places she hasn’t been that I have… shut up Yeonjun….

I just want her by my side for a while longer. Is that a crime? If it’s not, why do I feel like it is?

2015, April, 14

We have spent so much time revising, I feel like I have no time for anything else. I don’t know how Yeonjun does it… he does clubs, school, revision and hangs out with his friends. I’m sure he’s awake 24/7, that would make sense. But he never looks tired. He always looks so awake, like every day is day he will love, even though he’s been living this life for months.

I have his timetable because I’m the one that organises his life… this isn’t a friend’s package… I’m doing too much. But someone has to, he has no one else that will... all this happened because I offered my help a few years ago, oh the butterfly effect, you’ve got me now.

2015, April, 19

ALL I DO IS REVISE!!! It’s so astronomically boring. Yeah, that was a big word, (Y/N) says it’s the word of the day. She says I should try using them, so boom!! Too bad she’ll never see the proof… I’ll have to use the word in her face later when I go to her house. Maybe I should say ‘’You are astronomically smart, I’m grateful for you’’…. EW, too mushy for me. I'd only say that to a girl I liked, and I DON’T like (Y/N)!!!

2015, May, 9

I had my first exam today… I’m so nervous. I think it went well, but I heard that means I did badly. I really hope I didn’t do badly. I haven’t tried my whole life to fail now. Come on (Y/N), only a little longer left. Time to get back to revising for my next test, its tomorrow, I’m wasting time.

2015, May, 9

Sat my maths exam today. It went well, I’m very happy. I sit my English one tomorrow, I’m not confident. (Y/N) is on Facetime right now trying to drill quotes into our head, I’m trying to listen, but I just can’t focus. That’s why I’m writing my mind on this page so hopefully I can listen to her again.

Why is it that every time I look at her on the screen stressing about the exam that I want to hug her, tell her it will be okay. At first, I thought I was just an amazing friend, and I wanted to help her. But the thought won’t leave me alone. I’m so close to marching over to her house and holding her until she tells me she feels okay.

I should listen to her again now, or she will get mad. That would only make things worse…. Good luck me!

2015, May, 23

I had my art exam today and I painted Yeonjun. I spent the whole day in a room painting his portrait… when I asked him to be my reference for art, he was okay with that, I think that’s because he’s confident in himself, I’m not. I’m jealous of him and his stupid face, which I can now say for sure, is very even. I spent the whole day painting it!!! I would know!!! I'd never focused much on his face when I was painting before, I could just kind of paint it, like it was the easiest thing. But today I was so careful that I was measuring. I couldn’t afford a mistake on this exam; I needed the perfect grade… I hope Yeonjun never sees that painting because honestly, I think I painted him too well. His ego may shoot, and I wouldn’t be able to stand that.

2015, May, 23

(Y/N) spent the entire day painting me, and when I waited for her by the classroom, I could see her through the glass. She looked like she was being careful, each stroke was controlled. I couldn’t see the canvas because it had its back to me, but I could see her. She had paint smudged on her nose and cheeks, clearly shed brushed it onto herself by accident. Why did my heart flutter at the sight of her? That wasn’t meant to happen…

A teacher saw me waiting and spoke to me ‘’Ah, Mr Choi? The one (Y/N) is always painting?’’. Did she speak about me to her teachers? He seemed to know about me… it was odd. I responded to him regardless ‘’Yes sir, that’s me. How do you know?’’. The teacher laughed at me and patted my back ‘’Word gets around… she paints you, and what do you photograph in your photography work?’’. He was teasing me!!!! How dare he!!! He already knew the answer… I photograph her. She just makes the perfect subject; she doesn’t need to pose. I can take a picture of her when she’s being moody and ignoring me and it comes out perfectly. Does she know I do this? No. if she found out would she hate me? Yes. She doesn’t like the way she looks… how sad… I think she looks perfect incredible… FINE. She looks absolutely normal, not bad…

2015, June, 20

I finally finished school, I'm not sure how I feel. I got accepted to the college me and Yeonjun wanted, and he did as well. We have the whole summer to do what? I have nothing to keep me busy now, maybe other than Yeonjun and work. I thought I’d be more excited to have an early summer. But instead, I realised I’m boring. What do I do with my days? All I do is wait for Yeonjun to finish living his life and then come around my house. When college starts, I need to make some friends, that aren’t Yeonjun!!!

2015, June, 23

THANK YOU, LORD!! TORTURE IS FINALLY OVER!! All exams are done, I got into the college I wanted, my friends still want to hang out with me!!! I’ve spent my days practically living at dance club, or my friends’ houses. Me and Soobin are curious how long I can live at his house without my mum telling me to come home. So far, we are at 3 days. In these days I haven’t seen (Y/N) and the only messages she sends me are ‘’Why didn’t you come over today?’’, ‘’You didn’t come over again today’’, ‘’Are you dead. You come to my house every day. This is the third day’’. Surely, she has things she can be doing, why is she so worried about me. It’s probably best I keep my distance, for my own good. She won’t mind, in fact, she’ll probably like it…

2015, June, 30

He still hasn’t come over… what is his problem??? I stopped messaging a few days ago. He never tells me where he is or what he’s doing, he just sends me a message saying ‘’not today, watch a movie or something’’. I don’t like watching movies alone… I thought he knew that. Why is he being mean?? I thought we got past that years ago… is it because of college? Is he scared? Well so am I!! I wanted him by my side… I guess not. Maybe I had the wrong idea about us…

2015, July, 3

I finally returned home because my mum told me to. She knew I was at Soobin’s because I told her, and she didn’t seem to care as long as I was safe. The only reason she told me to come home was because of (Y/N)… apparently she got so bored she came to my house to ask my mum to bake a cake with her. They did, and apparently, they had a nice time. But why in the world would she do that. Didn’t she have better things to do?

Mum told me I need to ‘be there’ for (Y/N), but I don’t get it. She seems fine so what’s the problem? I’ll go over and see her tomorrow.

2015, July, 4

Poop-Jun came over today. Stupid boy. Why did he think I’d want to hang out after he hasn’t seen me or messaged me in weeks. Did he decide I was too good for him? Am I too uncool and ugly for popular people like Yeonjun. he makes me want to slap him for being so foolish.

2015, July, 4

That didn’t go as planned. (Y/N) shouted at me and kicked her out of her house. She seems to think I don’t like her anymore; I suppose that’s what I get for trying to push us away from each other. I knew what I was doing, it was selfish. All because I can’t handle her… she doesn’t deserve this. I’m sorry (Y/N), I’ll make it up to you.

2015, July, 18

Yeonjun wouldn’t leave me alone, so we are friends again. He would just appear every day and try and get me to hang out with him. Hed refuse to leave unless we did something. At first, he’d settle for a conversation, then he wanted to hang out for an hour minimum, then he’d want to watch a movie, then go shopping, next thing I knew I’d fallen into his trap. I forgave him. I feel like I wasted my summer being lonely and mad at Yeonjun, is this seriously what my life has boiled down to?

2015, July, 20

We are finally friends again, she told me to come over tonight. I DIDN’T HAVE TO JUST ARRIVE, SHE TOLD ME TO COME OVER. She has never in her life done that. Breaking news if you ask me.

I think her parents invited me around for dinner really, but oh well, I’ll take what I can get.

I hope I can spend the rest of the summer making her happy, she’s started laughing with and at me again recently, I’ve never been happier to hear a sound in my life.

2015, August, 28

Me and Yeonjun have officially enrolled in college, we’ve gone to all the events and met people at induction. Someone even approached me to have a conversation, that was nice. At first, I thought she wanted to speak to Yeonjun, that’s what normally happens, but she didn’t. she told me I had a nice outfit and asked me what I’d be studying. We spoke for a while. Turned out she was a fashion and design student. She asked for my number and jokingly saved it as ‘my future model’. It was really flattering for a pretty girl to say I was model worthy, especially when I’ve never heard a compliment like that from anyone other than my parents.

I’m starting to think college won’t be so bad after all, I think I’m excited now.

2015, August, 28

I don’t want to be that friend… but that girl was hardcore flirting with (Y/N) …. IN FRONT OF ME!!!! How absurd!!!

‘’your outfit is so stylish and looks so pretty, just like you. Wow you should be a model’’!

HAHA

I already knew all these things! (Y/N) is my model… please find your own. I wanted to pull (Y/N) away from her so badly. Why couldn’t I be happy that she was making friends? I want to be, but I can’t. I don’t want to go to college anymore. The world is going to discover (Y/N), and she seems ready this time… she won’t just sit in the library…. Fuck.

Her mum’s diary cuts off there and turns into letters she wrote to herself and Yeonjun, but she never sent them to him, meanwhile his stays as a diary. It’s a good thing her mum dated each one or the story would have to end here.

2015, September, 1

Dear me,

Today was the first day of college. My stomach is knotted with anxiety. I’ll make friends won’t i? I became friends with Layla over the holiday. She’s so interesting, fun and so cool, she reminds me of Yeonjun. She’s such an it girl! Yeonjun says my outfits are cooler since I started hanging out with her. If they are better, why does he seem frustrated? Odd boy.

Class was excellent, I spent the lesson talking about art with people who love art. I found out artistic people are weird, just like me! Yeonjun seemed disgusted by the idea of a room full of Me, rude!

Yeonjun already has a following. I didn’t recognise any people from secondary. He’s already part of a big group. He ask if I’d like to sit with them, but I said I’d rather sit with Layla. He seemed disappointed, but oh well. I’m not like him, I don’t thrive in big groups, i feel most comfortable with a few close friends.

Layla always wants to talk about Yeonjun? Does she have a crush on him?! That would be kinda gross! Why would girls be attracted to him? He’s… Poop-Jun after all.

I have a few questions for myself next month…

Is Yeonjun popular yet?

Does Layla have a crush on Yeonjun?

Have you made more friends?

Do you like your art course?

Did you and Layla go shopping like you planned?

Do you hate it here?

Are… you and Yeonjun still friends?

2015, September, 1

First day of school was easy peasy. I loved having to do nothing but what I love doing. The only thing I don’t love is Layla, she’s been hogging (Y/N), and she knows it. Me and her have beef, seriously. She has been hanging out with (Y/N) ever since they met, and when they aren’t hanging out, they are messaging. (Y/N) says Layla reminds her of me… personally I've never wanted to throw up more. She has nowhere near as much style as I do, and she clings to (Y/N) unreasonably. I have my reasons!!! She’s been my best friend since we were 6, be for real!!!! Me and her AREN’T the same!!

2015, October, 1

Dear future me,

I’ve officially been in college for one month. Let me answer the questions of the previous letter…

Of course, Yeonjun is popular now! Everyone who knows him, loves him. I’ve decided to avoid him in the halls, so I don’t have to deal with the mess that is people saying hi to him or crowding him.

Does Layla have a crush on Yeonjun? It appears not. Since I stopped hanging out with him at school she’s stopped discussing him. That’s good, I don’t want her to like Yeonjun. I refuse to have my friends dating!!!

Yes! I have made friends! Layla and I are in a group of roughly 8, which seemed large in the beginning, but it’s not. Some are friends she brought to the group, and others are friends I made. We are all really creative and it's exciting! We inspire each other to be more imaginative!!

I love my art course; all I do is talk, learn about, and create art! It’s my dream course. It is intricate and sometimes difficult work, but I’m willing to invest into it because I love it.

Layla and I recently went shopping with the rest of our friends. We got the train to the nearest city, with new shops, it was so thrilling. I’ve never done something like that before, it was exciting, trying new styles, chatting! Yeonjun saw the pictures all over my social media. He was jealous we didn’t do things like that. But he hasn’t ever ask…

Nope, I don’t hate it at college. And why would I?! I can leave the college on my breaks, can GO TO THE TOILET WHEN I WANT, I feel like the master of my destiny!

Yes, Yeonjun does speak to me. He will run past me in the corridors sometimes and shout a greeting, but then he’s gone like lightning. We will sometimes sit together if we are both on break and I’m not with my friends. He loves looking at my artwork, especially since I often draw and paint him. It’s definitely strokes that ego…

2015, October, 28

There is a party for Halloween, and I didn’t even have to convince (Y/N) to go, because guess what, Layla and her are going!! They will even be matching!! I saw her outfit, she’s an angel, and Layla will be a devil. How basic… (Y/N) pulled it off though. She looked incredible; I can’t even lie this time. When she showed me, I thought she was beautiful, and I just couldn’t believe that she’s the girl that collected rocks…

Wait… if I thought she was beautiful and I’m her best friend, what will other guys think? No! No, this can’t happen. I can’t have them looking at her, I have to come up with a plan. Hopefully she’ll get drunk and return to my side, she does that when she’s drunk.

2015, November, 1

Dear future me,

Never drink that much again. I think I spilt my drink on this random girl, and I remember her crying? Yeonjun said he helped her out though… What does that even mean?! Wait… did he lose his jacket last night? He gave her his jacket, didn’t he!! That was a cool jacket, how dare he waste it on fixing my mistakes!

I don’t remember how I found Yeonjun, I was with Layla at first. But it reached a point where I just couldn’t keep up and I needed to find familiarity. I think I saw him standing near the fish tank, talking to four guys. I’m not sure how many, it’s blurry in my memory. Omg, memories keep bobbing up like apples. I remember falling against one of his friends and Yeonjun clutching me towards him. He said something to his friends and held me against his chest as he finished his conversation, his heart beat was comforting. I remember mumbling sorry for interrupting.

after he sobered me up a little, he took me home. I remember he helped me to my bed and tucked me in. He whispered ‘’good night’’ before he left… how embarrassing!

2015, November, 1

Why is it always the Halloween parties? God, she looked so perfect… I thought I couldn’t breathe when I saw her dancing with her friends in the corner of my eye. My friends didn’t even wait to make fun of me, they knew what was up. ‘’Yeonjun, she won’t disappear. You can look away from her’’. I knew that I could, but I didn’t want to. If I did would someone take her from me? I did though, I looked away and left her. I even moved room so I could have my own fun.

She took me by surprise when she came over to me, tripping over her feet and falling against my friend, who caught her in his arms and smiled down at her. Oh, hell no, not those two. Anyone but him (Y/N), please…

I grabbed her from his arms and held her against my chest, my hand rested on her lower back and her head pushed against me. There was no way we didn’t look like a clingy couple like this… but it was fine, just for tonight.

‘’You didn’t need to snatch her from me mate. I know she’s yours’’. That’s what he said, and I scoffed at him and asked what he meant. He told me ‘’We all know you like her, so we won’t touch her… everyone knows’’. He was being ridiculous, ‘’I don’t like her’’ I told him. And he said the worst thing I could’ve imagined ‘’Well, in that case, I’ll ask her out on a date. She’s too pretty to pass up’’. I laughed at his joke because it must have been one right. No way he’d say that to me, her best friend, seriously right…

When I got her home, she was clinging to me, and once I peeled her off and got her in bed. She asked me to stay and hold her. I thought about it, but I knew what the right decision was. I didn’t respond to her, I tucked her covers over her and told her goodnight. Why is it always Halloween?

2015, December, 1

Dear me,

Yeonjun has been annoying recently. He keeps running past me at college and ruffling my hair or scaring me. It's so annoying, especially when he messes up my hair because it’s always when I made an extra effort. Can’t he just keep his hands to himself? How annoying! Sorry, I’ve said annoying one too many times, clearly thinking about it makes me so frustrated I repeat myself!

And do you know what’s worse, when I shout at him after he’s finished, and in response guess what he does… he spins as he runs and winks, then he continues running out of view. That man! How dare he be so careless… I hope he runs into a wall one day!!

Art classes aren’t as much fun now, it’s already starting to feel like a chore, so I need to find something interesting to do for my project this year or I’ll get bored. Please future me, please… save me from tedium…

2015, December, 11

(Y/N) is only getting prettier and making my heart flutter endlessly. She walks down the corridors with the prettiest smile, books under her arm because they are too big for her bag, and the most beautifully curled hair. What other choice do I have? I run past her a ruffle it up so it’s not as good every time. She doesn’t need to look pretty for anyone else now, I've already seen her. Did I like her? No, of course not! I just care about her! I just don’t want other guys to like, her, doesn’t that make sense? I’m just trying to protect her…

2016, January, 1

Dear future me,

I’ve saved art for us… are you thankful? Well maybe Yeonjun did, but that isn’t important… You know how he always gives me a rock at Christmas time, a small painted rock, as testament to our childhood. Well, I’ve decided to finally start painting rocks. When I told my lecturer, she suggested I make a project out of it. I’m enjoying it immensely, and I have developed a whole plan. I have a question… did you tell Yeonjun? And did he act big-headed about assissting you with the concept? I bet he did…

Yeonjun wrote me a letter this Christmas, so I’ll put it with this one. It was simply beautiful, so emotion, it made me cry. I didn’t want him to see me teary eyed. He mentioned the magnet thing his mum would say when we were younger. I agree with him, we are magnets opposite poles attracting, and I think we are so powerful we can’t be separated.

He brought me an art easel and some canvases for at home, I was grateful. I didn’t write him a letter for Christmas, so I’m going to write him one soon and give it to him. I don’t want him to think I’m a bad friend. I think I’ll probably paint my parents, beautiful flowers, and a nearby lake that Yeonjun keeps dragging me to. I’ve drawn enough of Yeonjun that I could honestly go my whole life without ever painting him again.

Dear (Y/N),

First of all, Merry Christmas! I’m glad it’s another one together we get to add to the stack of them. How many has it been now? 11? That’s a lot… I’ve known you for more than half my life, isn’t that crazy? I hope that never changes. Can you stay by my side until we are old and wrinkly? I don’t think I want to ever stop being your friend. I don’t think I could at this point.

Recently I’ve seen you change so much, and all because we went to college. I heard people bloom at some point in their life, and I think I got to see you bloom. Do you know how incredible it was? I was scared at first, I didn't want you to get hurt and scarred by the world. I know you’ve always hidden yourself, and I was happy to protect you. But you didn’t want me to this year, did you? So, I let you bloom and now I look at you and I no longer see the girl who collected rocks as a child… I think it makes me sad in a way. I now see the girl who parties and paints, isn’t that a weird duo?

Just like us, no? When I was a child, my mum called us magnets, that were pushed the wrong way together. But now a days I think we are pushed the right way together; I think we click. Did you know it’s difficult to separate magnets, especially strong ones.

Merry Christmas (Y/N), I hope you have a lovely day!

2016, January, 15

Music classes are awesome, I made my own song recently. The lecturer says I’m above the expected level for my age, and that my song is full of emotion. Well duh, it's about her… Yeah, I did that. I can’t think of anything else but her, it’s so stupid. When she’s sat alone, I ditch my friends to sit with her, she probably wanted me to. That's what I tell myself, but who am I kidding? I desperately wanted to talk to her. Please save me, I can’t do this anymore.

2016, February, 1

Dear me,

I told Yeonjun about my idea when he saw it. I stayed in class later than I had to, so I could focus on my project, when he came to find me. He sat down next to me, chin in his hand, and asked why I was painting rocks. He shuffled through the notes and sketches I had on the desk. It didn’t take him long to realise, so I explained my plan.

My project is to bring colour back to my otherwise dull world. Nature is intrinsically beautiful, and I love capturing it any way I can. By decorating the rocks and placing them back where they belong, I add a bit of my beauty to the world. The plan is to distribute the rocks to my favourite places once I’m done with the project. I'll then paint some of the rocks in their location, for the final piece.

To answer my own questions. No Yeonjun didn’t get a big head like you thought he would, he seemed really joyful. In fact, he took me for ice cream when he found out… how odd. But I had fun.

2016, February, 14

I want to throw up. It’s Valentine’s Day, and MY FRIEND gave (Y/N) roses. I saw him do it. She was sitting there, pretty pink dress on because she wanted to wear a romantic colour today, hair in space buns like a cutie, and he walked up to her with the flowers behind his back. It’s like everything went in slow motion and I was given the chance to stop it, but I didn’t. He spoke to her, and she smiled, then he gave her the flowers, she turned the same colour as them. He gave her a note and she smiled again, and he walked away. I didn’t take my eyes off her as she put the letter straight into her bag, not even reading it first.

When she looked up and saw me, she giggled and waved the flowers like an accomplishment. I would’ve been happy if I didn’t like her… that’s right, I have a crush on her. Now I know why they call it a crush. It’s not for a good reason, it’s because it crushes you. I thought it was because you have a crush, and when you finally get the girl, you crush the silly feelings, and it turns into love. I was wrong.

If I ever see those flowers in a vase in her room, I think I’ll throw up… there goes the plan I made for her… I'll slip it here, so I never have to look at it again.

VALENTINES DAY <3 OPERATION CRUSH

1. Buy flowers – her favourites, tulips, not roses, that’s basic - done

2. Get her favourite snacks - done!

3. Download her favourite movies onto my laptop – done!

4. Build the den – done!

5. Decorate den – done!

6. Pack your bag full of the bits you’ll need – done!

7. Get her to come with you – to be done!

8. Success – no

9. Is she your girlfriend? – never

2016, March, 1

Dear me,

Yeonjun has been clinging to me like never before. He sits with me all the time, at school, at home and when we go out. I think we are conjoined at the hip. It’s kind of funny, in a babyish way.

He’s been weird with me ever since his friend asked me out, I told him no, but we became friends. It’s weird how that works… I did try and give him a chance, but I didn’t like him that way. I didn’t even feel anything, it felt dull. I felt bad, but I told him no, not that I told Yeonjun. It isn’t his business, if I’m honest. If Layla wanted to date him, the bile would rise from my stomach. Two of my friends dating, that is just a no. Maybe I should let him know so he relaxes. Maybe then he’ll leave my side… but it’s fun having him around.

2016, March, 17

Is it possible to love being around the one that broke your heart?

Am I really in love with her?

How to tell her I love her?

That’s what my search history looks like nowadays because nobody prepares you to feel this, or how to even deal with it. growing up I couldn’t imagine loving (Y/N), it was the wildest, most far-fetched thing ever. But as I read my diaries from those days and think about how I treated and thought about her, it’s obvious, I’ve had a crush on her forever. The only reason I didn’t notice was because I thought it was the normal feeling of liking a close friend. Why did it take me so long to notice? So long that now other guys like her as well. I don’t even have a chance anymore… who would’ve thought… certainly not me… I love the one girl who has never liked me…. How sad.

2016, April, 1

My project is nearly done. As I was resting today, Yeonjun flew into my room, not even knocking, as usual. Whenever he needed someone to check his music or dance, he’d come rushing over to my house, straight into my room. ‘’Listen to it!’’ he said sitting down on my bed, to which I said the only words that I could think ‘’Knock’’, and he nodded, both of us knowing he would most definitely not knock.

I listened to it, it was delicate, so emotive, and knowing Yeonjun’s created it, was even better. It was better than that! It was perfect, stupid talented boy. As I looked at my phone, I realised I had to go, it was nearly time for the call. ‘’Yeah, it's amazing Jjunie, can you go now? I’m busy’’.

He huffed at me, as if not believing I could be busy ‘’doing fucking what, you were in bed on your phone!’’. When I told him I was going to call a friend he whined about it being our thing, so I told him it wasn’t ‘’You practically living in my house is our thing’, Now get out he’s waiting for me’’.

The mere idea of a male wanting to speak to me clearly disgusted him because he burst ‘’HE??? I THOUGHT YOU WERE ONLY FRIENDS WITH GIRLS’’. I decided then that I shouldn’t tell him it was his friend I was about to call. ‘’ I have both Yeonjun, now get out before I hit you’’. He pouted at me like a baby, ‘’Fine, I get that I’m being replaced, I’ll go’’.

I watched him leave my room, then I watched him enter his own house and his bedroom light turn on from my window. I then called his friend, and we called for a few hours. It was 11 pm when I looked back out my window and Yeonjun’s lights were off. Yeonjun’s light is always on till at least 1 a.m. What was he doing?

I didn’t do anything to upset him, did I? I didn’t do anything wrong, did I?

2016, April, 1

I’m being replaced. I didn’t know a crush could turn into something worse, is there even a verb that can describe this feeling? Maybe instead of a crush, I have a pulverize… that seems right. My heart feels pulverized. Do you want to know why?

Well because (Y/N) kicked me out of her house to call a guy. I have never been kicked out of her house because of someone else like that. Not even Layla. If they called, I'd just sit in the room. why in the world would she kick me out for a different guy?

I feel sick… is that the remnants of my heart trying to escape my body? Should I swallow it or let it out? Is there any point in keeping the slivers of it? When I looked out my window I could see her, she left her curtains wide open again, and I could see as her serious face lifted into a bright smile. She was laughing at his jokes… and all I could do was watch. Do I do this to myself?

I can’t watch anymore… I can’t feel like this again. I’ll go to the only friend I can think of…

2016, May, 1

Dear future me,

Is Yeonjun still ignoring us? He hasn’t spoken to me in school, he hasn’t come to my house… what is happening? Why is he ignoring me? I hope he has a good reason because I don’t like how this feels.

Everything is endlessly dull without him. Where is the colour I love? He made everything so much brighter, more exciting…. Did I just say that I loved the colour, and then suggest that Yeonjun was in fact the colour to my world…. Yes, I did.

Am I in love with Yeonjun?

Holy fuck, I think I love Yeonjun. is this the feeling inside of me? The warmth and light when I’m close to him and the cold dusk when I’m apart from him. Oh god, I really love him… don’t I? Fuck… how did this happen? When did this happen? This year? I’m not sure…

What am I going to do?

2016, April, 16

Is it better if I keep ignoring her? She seems ridiculously sad nowadays. She doesn’t stay in school any longer than she has to. Can I reach out and hug her? Or will she push me away. She probably will, she has other friends now.

I must be a speck of dust in the vast landscape that is her world. I float by, annoying her for a while then I get forced to move along by this force, its wind to a dust, but to me, I’m not sure. What pushed me away from her? Is it possible that by turning my back to her I pushed the same poles of our magnet together? Is it possible that I am the force that’s keeping me from her? If she turns her back as well, does that mean we click again? Maybe I should spin around and confess how I feel. But after all…. I’m just dust.

2016, May, 1

I have a plan. I’m going to get Yeonjun back and make him mine all at the same time. I can’t survive much longer away from him. This feeling is devouring me.

The next stage of my project will arrive in a few days, that’s when I put the rocks in my favourite places. There is a heart rock I found as a child, I named him Yeonjun, and I’ve painted it! Its finally time to return it to my favourite place. I’ll write a letter for him and put the rock at the bottom, buried under colourful paper.

If this doesn’t tell him how I feel I’m not really sure what will. This was the perfect idea, and it linked up so magnificently.

2016, May, 21

I’m so in love with her. You’ll never guess what she did… it was incredible. Like a scene from a movie, or a storybook. She’s so perfect.

After a long day at college, doing my final performance for my exam I came home, just to find her sitting on my bed. I hadn’t spoken to her or been to her house in months. I was so scared to talk to her that I instantly spewed out the first thing she always tells me ‘’What happened to knocking?’’. She shrugged her shoulders with a giggle ‘’I will next time’’. I knew it was a tease at me for never knocking and never learning how. ‘’touché… what brings you to my house, you prefer your house’’.

She deadpanned me at my words and spoke ‘’You don’t come over anymore’’.

‘’You don’t invite me’’, that’s what I said! Could I really not think of a better excuse!!! ‘’I’ve never had to before’’ she countered, and to that I only made up mor lies to hide my feelings ‘’I finally clicked that you didn’t want me around’’.

She huffed at me’’ why would you even think that?’’. I shrugged at her and sat down next to her, trying to peak at what was behind her back, but I couldn’t even see because it was in a box, cutely wrapped like the Christmas gifts she gives me. She stood up and spoke ‘’I’m going to leave this here. You decide if you should start coming back over to my house once you’ve seen it’’. I grabbed her hand as she tried to leave ‘’Don’t be suspicious, just tell me’’. She giggled and squeezed my hand then let go ‘’nope, it’s something you should do alone’’.

The second she was out of my door, I reached for the box and when I opened it, I saw a letter, so I read it, I’ll put it with this one, so I never lose it. once I had read it, I put my hand into the tissue and pulled out a beautifully painted rock. Fuck… she’s incredible. It wasn’t any old rock; it was the one I’d found for her when we were children and I’d sneakily given it to her. I saw her painting it a few months ago for her project, and I knew she was planning on returning them to her favourite places…. I just never knew that would be me. I thought I wanted to cry right then and there.

I knew I had to chase after her, but was straight away to soon? It might have seemed a bit desperate, but I was. My pulverise needed to leave me alone that instant and turn into never ending love for her. Like I originally thought a crush was….

I ran to her house and the second I got into her room, I pulled her into my arms, hugging her as tightly as I could now that I knew she loved me back. I told her how I felt in a single whisper ‘’ I love you too’’ and that’s when she said it back ‘’I love you Poop-Jun’’. Any other situation I’d hate the stupid name, but this time it was almost adorable, it was perfect. She knew it as well.

I asked her the question ‘’will you be my girlfriend’’… and that’s why I know have a girlfriend. Isn’t that’s awesome. The perfect girl you’ve had a crush on forever, is finally your girlfriend. Future me, please keep her happy, and stay together till you are old and wrinkly.

Dearest Yeonjun,

I’ve met many people in my life; good people and bad. No one has ever captured my heart so completely. When I look at you, you appear to glow with a glittering aura. Everything else fades into a grey background without you, as if you have stolen the colour from my world and taken it with you. I need you by my side, Yeonjun.

Those times you would run past me at college, would make heart flutters, and butterflies swirl with delight. And rage with violent anger! You make me feel so many things, but even that’s better than dull and emotionless.

I know all kinds of things about you. All different things. Like the lake you visit when you're feeling lost. You’d found it on a walk one day, and showed it to me the next. Remember? I had never expected you to come across something so captivating, but of course you had. You always make my soul shimmer.

When my eyes laid sight on the golden sun, glistening on the blue hue of the lake, I felt the familiar surge of inspiration, like a guitar melody in one of your songs. When I turned to you, you were transfixed on the lake, so peaceful, enjoying the moment. Did you realise I stole that moment, imortalising you on my page as you drifted, weightlessly into your own reality. That mere drawing is the most honest representation of you. I’ve never told you, but you are the reason I fell in love with art in the first place, I wanted a way to treasure you. Yeonjun, you are a work of art to me.

I like being with you. I try to sit next to you as much as I can. I find myself staring at you all the time. I want to always be with you. And I can’t help myself.

These special moments just between us. You are my light, shining in my world, you ease the sadness. As overwhelming as the loneliness but as soft as cherry blossom, this feeling is as strange as it is new! I guess you can only call it love.

I find myself counting the days we’ve been apart. Longing, with one wish, only to see you again. I want you, I wonder, hopeful, if you feel the same. Thoughts of you fill me, I need you beside me, always.

When I feel the loneliness will consume me, I think about the moments we’ve shared, the Christmas joy, my rocks, and your music. Years ago a beautiful heart-shaped rock greeted me at the gates of my house, and when I gazed up I saw you staring back at me. From that moment I decided I’d call the rock Yeonjun, just like Small Sam had a name. I’ve wondered all these years, if you hid the heart rock for me to find. To me, it became a symbol of our friendship, our changing relationship, our blossoming love.

For my project you know I was painting rocks to return them to my favourite places, and this one is for you, Yeonjun. Because you, and everything you mean to me, is my favourite place. Isn’t it fitting that the rock I found that day, is the rock I return to you? Please accept it, along with my heart.

I love you

“Awwwww… mum fell harder!!! That’s so sweet. He was ready to give up on her but she made the move that he couldn’t! I can’t wait to tease them about this!” Their daughter giggled, packing the pages back away where they belong. Their youth… oh how magical it was.

[pearbunny]

the bucket list ✘ [six]

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summary: Fly to Korea. Check. Buy a bouquet of flowers for a stranger. Check. Have said stranger come along with you to accomplish your bucket list? Well that wasn’t on the list, but falling in love was. 

pairing: han jisung x afab!reader

genre: 18+ [MDNI] strangers to lovers, non idol au, crack, mostly fluff, later chapters to include: slight angst, comfort, smut.

general warnings:  tourist!mc, adult themes including but not limited to: suggestive content, nudity, cursing, alcohol consumption, mentions of death in later chapters, overarching theme of mental health, eventual smut.

word count: ~5.8k 

chapter content: smut containing: drunk consensual sex, brief breastplay/fondling, protected sex, praise kink, forced eye contact, clit play, awkward day after, hangovers, headaches, mentions of vomit, mentions of food, road trip, shared bed trope, slow dancing.

author's note: Sorry for the delay! This past weekend was my birthday so I was a little wrapped up. That's not to say that this chapter was difficult for me to write; i've never written smut and my current issue is that I feel like it's a little too... clipped. It's okay, we aim to improve! Other than that, I really like how this one turned out. If you would like to skip the smut, please skip to the first page break under the cut. :) Songs mentioned in this chapter: Miley Cyrus - Violet Chemistry | Journey - Lights | Beabadoobee - Dance with Me

You’re not sure if the alcohol is to blame for the butterflies in your stomach anymore. It probably isn’t the reason for the lump in your throat either.  

You look up at Jisung through your lashes, unsure of what will  happen next. You start to shift around nervously in place, trapped between him and the kitchen island. He had tossed off his jacket when he came through the front door and you hadn’t paid too much attention to the fact that his band tee had its sleeves cut off; however, trapped between his arms on either side of you, you couldn’t help but to notice the musculature of his biceps. 

”I do.” Jisung shifts his weight on one foot, causing him to lean closer to you. “I do want to kiss you.” 

“I—“ You swallow that lump in your throat,  your chest lifting  as you breathe the heavy tension in the air. 

The smirk playing on his lips turns into a small smile. “I’m not going to kiss you if you don—“ 

You place your lips on his in the middle of his sentence. It’s quick, it’s chaste, but you can't form words with your mouth. You look up at him, scared that maybe you did something wrong. Maybe he didn’t actually want to kiss you, but dammit you wanted to kiss him. 

There’s a moment of shock written on his face, as if kissing him was the last thing he expected from you. That shock is replaced with that same playful — sexy— smirk as he brings his right hand to cradle your jaw. He brings you closer to him and you can feel him exhale a shaky breath before he captures your lips in a much more firm and fruitful kiss. 

You’re unaware of when you held your breath waiting for him to kiss you, but the kiss surely had you longing for air, taking shallow breaths every chance that you could moments between kisses. You bring your arms around his neck, fingers gently combing through his hair. 

He brings his hands at your waist, fingering the fabric of your trouser’s waistband. In his kiss, he runs his tongue across your bottom lip and right when you open your mouth just slightly, his teeth tug back at your bottom lip. 

Maybe it’s the alcohol and your lowered inhibitions. Maybe it’s the fact that it had been so long, but a sound escapes you, a mix of a lustful sigh and a whimper. You open your eyes mortified, but he’s looking at you with a hunger in his eyes. 

“Tell me to stop.” 

You shake your head, pursing your lips together in a tight lipped smile, poorly containing your eagerness. “I don’t want to.”

With those words, he captures your lips again. This time, you’re both on the way to his room, littering the path there with articles of clothing until you were in your bra and underwear and him in just his boxer briefs. When the both of you have managed to get into his room, he breaks the kiss, squatting down briefly to wrap his arms around your legs, just under your ass to lift you up easily into the air. He carries you to his bed, sitting himself down with you in his lap. 

Jisung’s lips leave hot open mouthed kisses down from your neck, across your right collarbone, to the tops of your tits until his lips meet the fabric of your bra. With one hand on your waist, the other hand reaches behind you to undo the bra and it falls to the floor. Immediately, his mouth latches onto your left nipple, tongue playing with the already hardened bud while his hand massages the other. 

You moan this time, arching your back into him. You roll your hips involuntarily searching for some kind of friction between your legs.

He slides both of his arms down to your hips, stilling you for a moment as he catches his breath. You can feel how hard he is already underneath you and it’s almost uncomfortable how wet you’ve become. He takes in a breath, shaky, and runs his tongue on his bottom lip. After a moment, he reaches over to grab a condom from his bedside table. You take the package from him and get off his lap, momentarily kneeling on the floor. Your hand gently strokes his visibly hard cock over his boxers before freeing him to unwrap the condom and roll it over his length. The whole while, he’s watching you with half lidded eyes, simply admiring the sight.

You stand again, then position yourself on top of him, using one hand to align him with your entrance. Jisung takes your jaw in his hand and brings your face up to look him in the eyes. You gnaw at your lower lip at the way he maintains eye contact with you. His hand replaces yours on the hilt of his cock and you brace yourself with your hands on his shoulders.

Slowly, you sink yourself halfway down on his length. You gasp at the stretch you feel and he groans deeply at how tight you feel around him. He winces when your walls tense around him. His thumb caresses your cheek gently. “You gotta relax or this is going to end soon for me.” 

There’s a nervous lopsided smile on his lips and it almost makes you laugh. “Sorry, yeah…” Your voice is barely a whisper, but you nod your head at him and remain with him half sheathed within you, giving yourself a bit of time to adjust to his girth. Once you’ve relaxed around him, you sit yourself lower on him, moaning the rest of the way down. 

“Fuck,” Jisung runs his thumb on your bottom lip before leaning in for a kiss. “Just like that.” 

You nearly whimper at the praise. You start to bounce up and down on him. He brings a hand to your waist, guiding you up and down on his cock. He’s letting you set the pace, if not for you comfortability, for his concentration on making sure he doesn’t cum too early with how warm and tight your pussy feels around him. 

Your mouth hangs open the moment you start gyrating your hips, the very tip of his dick able to find a certain spot inside of you that brings you close to seeing stars. Jisung’s hand travels from your jaw to your neck, holding you in a position where he can see your face as you bounce on him. At this point, he starts to assist you, thrusting up into you so that you’re meeting in the middle. And with every thrust, you can feel him reach just slightly deeper and deeper each time.

You collapse into him, putting all your weight on his chest. He falls back and for a moment, he’s concerned. “Are you okay?”

You nod and shut your eyes tightly, placing your hands on his chest. “I’m so close, Jisung.” 

When the words leave your mouth, his thrusts up into you harder and his hands,which are now on your hips, bounces you up and  down onto his cock. The sounds of skin slapping against skin, moaning, and grunting fill the room as you cum on his cock. You fall onto him, your strength dwindling.

“I got you, don’t worry,” He brushes your hair out of your face, slightly stuck to your face from all the sweat you worked up. He then lifts you up gently, never once taking you off of his cock. The slight movement makes you feel so good and when he thrusts up into you, you moan right in his ear, clinging on to him in the air. He lays you back on the bed, leaning over you now. “You sound so pretty,” He hitches one of your legs onto his waist and starts to slowly thrust in and out of you, groaning as your walls start spasming around him. 

“Jisung,” your voice is a high pitched whine between your heavy breaths, eyes shut from the pure overstimulation. “Please!” You beg for another release, the heat that is pooled at the bottom of your stomach still present.

He stops his movements and you almost want to cry. “Y/N. Look at me when you beg.” 

Your eyes open to find him looking up at you with a smirk on his lips. When you don’t say anything, he pulls out almost completely then thrusts his hips back into you. You wince at the pleasure it brings you, of being filled completely after feeling so empty without him inside if you. You look him straight in the eyes and he can’t help but admire how you look right now: eyebrows knit so tightly together, the bounce of your tits when he thrusts into you, sweat glistening all over your skin, hair pooled around you messily.

“P-Please, Jisung. “

“Good girl.”He leans forward to bring both your legs over onto his shoulders and leans forward, thrusting hard into you again and again. 

The feeling is overstimulating: the slight pain and pleasure of being so stretched out, his cock hitting your special spot over and over again, bringing you closer and closer to your orgasm. You reach one hand between your legs, your middle finger playing with your clit, frantically rubbing circles until you cum again.

This time, Jisung cums with you with a final thrust, and it feels warm. 

When he pulls out of you, you’re so spent and exhausted, you don’t remember falling asleep.

Your eyes flutter open and it takes you a moment to realize that you’re not in the guest room that you had been staying in for the past couple of days.The first thing you notice is how much your body aches. Not only were your legs and back aching, but your head was aching too. It felt like there was this constant pressure on your brain. The second thing that you notice is that you’re naked beneath the sheets.

You sit up in a panic. Looking to your left you see Jisung’s sleeping form. Heat rises to your cheeks as you clutch the sheets to your chest. The door to the living room is open and you can see the path of clothing leading from the kitchen. You look back at Jisung and observe as his chest rises and falls with his steady breathing. The fact that he’s shirtless and his toned pecs completely on display for you was something you put into the back of your mind. 

You slip out of the bed and tip toe quickly across his room to the door, grabbing your panties on the way out. You shake your head in an attempt to shake the embarrassment off. You take one large silent stride into the kitchen and regret the idea immediately, the pain in between your legs screaming at you. So instead, you shuffle your way to your room, as you collect the rest of your clothes on the way. 

“No fucking way, no fucking way, no fucking way,” At this point, you’re whisper shouting, extremely conscious of the possibility that Jisung could wake at any moment. You grab your towel and make your way into the bathroom for a shower. 

Under the hot water, your muscles relax, but your mind is still going a hundred miles per second. Everything the night before comes rushing back and you have to brace yourself on the shower wall to keep from slipping from how weak your knees feel just thinking about it. Sure there were hazy spots in your memory, but from what you could remember, it was a good night and it’s not like you could deny that you wanted to have sex him. He looked so good in that shirt, but even better with it off.The way his hot skin felt beneath your fingers, his arms around you tight, his mouth on your skin…

You turn the shower knob for the cold water. 

After wrapping your hair up in a towel and getting dressed in a simple black tank top, black hoodie, and gray sweats back in your room. You stand at the door, hand on the knob, hesitating to open it. Is Jisung awake? Did he get in the shower while you were getting ready to leave for Busan?

You contemplate for a moment on whether or not to stay in your room until Jisung knocks on the door to let you know that he’s ready to head out, but then you remember that your phone and the hangover drink are on the counter. You open the door just a crack, your eyes scanning the common area for any sign of Jisung. His door to his room is closed and his clothes are picked up, which means that he already used the restroom. 

You open the door the rest of the way and quickly bring the rest of your supplies over to your suitcase before you pick your phone up from the kitchen counter. You check the battery: 5%.The time on your phone read: 12:00pm. You were already late and normally, you’d be stressing out, but the ache in your head isn’t allowing you to focus on anything other than that pain at the moment. 

You open the hangover drink and start to chug it down when Jisung opens his room door. He opted for a far more comfortable outfit, a large loose fitting hooded sweatshirt, with some sort of graphic on its front and gray nike brand drawstring sweats. He had his hair tucked into his black ribbed beanie, just the back longer bits at the nape of his neck peeking out. 

“Oh, hey good morning.” His voice is low and rough and it reminds you of last night. You almost choke on your drink. Every single thing was reminding you of the night before.  Instead, you clear your throat after finishing the drink. 

“Hi…” Your voice trails off and it’s just as hoarse as his. Wishful thinking hopes that it's because you hadn’t used it all morning, but reality tells you it’s actually the opposite: overuse. You hand him his drink, your hand trembling slightly.

He takes the drink from your hand, “So um abo–” 

“We should get going, we’re already two hours behind.” You’re quick to interrupt him. While you really enjoyed last night, you don’t really know what it means for your friendship and you don’t want to think about it at the moment. 

You go towards the front door and exchange your house slippers for outdoor shoes. Despite you not knowing the way to the garage, you grab your suitcase and head out the door. Jisung follows behind you, slinging his duffel bag around his torso with a large sigh. He wanted to talk about it, that much was evident, but the fact that you were so avoidant made him think that you’re regretting the whole thing. 

Jisung takes out his car fob and presses a button to unlock the car. You look around to find the lights flashing on a white Kia Sportage; a four door Crossover SUV. You follow Jisung towards the trunk of the car and place your luggage inside, ignoring Jisung’s help. He frowns slightly, but stuffs his own belongings in the trunk and closes the trunk afterwards. 

When Jisung slides into the driver seat, you’re already strapped in. “Do you mind if I plug my phone in? I didn’t charge it after last…” Your voice trails off, deciding against finishing that sentence. You clear your throat instead, “I can put the directions on if you want.” 

“Sure,” His response to you is short. He’s not dumb, he gets the vibe that you don’t want to talk about what transpired between you two. You aren’t being very subtle about it what with you avoiding his eyes more than usual. He presses the button and brake pedal to turn the ignition on and reaches over your headrest to see behind the car, pulling out of his parking spot. 

You connect your phone to the chord in the center console and place the phone in your lap, using the car’s touch screen to input the address of the hotel. The navigation pulls up a couple of routes, all similar in time. “It’s going to take us four and a half hours to get there.” 

Jisung’s eyes are focused on the road in front of him, casually cradling his head in his left hand, arm resting on the car door. “Well. It’s going to be a long ride. Might wanna get comfy.” You pout, sinking into your seat with your arms across your chest.

It had been an uneventful ride so far. Your spotify had auto-played whatever playlist you were last listening to. The music is a soft hum through the car speakers, turned down low by Jisung so it doesn’t hurt your head. Even though he’s a little annoyed at you avoiding him when he’s literally sitting right next to you, he’s not cruel enough to make your hangover worse.

You sit with your arms still crossed over your torso, cradling your stomach that is seemingly fighting a war inside of you. When Jisung pulled into the highway about an hour ago, it didn’t start off too bad, but for the past fifteen minutes, the congested lanes became stop-and-go and with every gentle pull and push forward, your stomach has been doing somersaults. It isn’t the fun butterfly in your stomach feeling either, it’s the mouth salivating to prime for the possible up-chuck of whatever was in your stomach– which right now is just water and the hangover drink– kind of somersaults.

You press your forehead against the cool glass of the passenger window and lean forward to aim the a/c vents towards you, trying to cool yourself down. You’re dehydrated, hungover, nauseous, and stuck in traffic on a long drive with the guy you just met last week and had mind-blowing drunk sex with last night. You groan and roll your eyes at the whole situation. 

Jisung takes a glance at you and puts his blinker on for the right lane. “You okay?”

You close your eyes and try to focus on your breathing to try and calm your stomach and keep headache at bay. “That hangover drink did nothing for me.”

“Mmm, okay, we’re going to take a small detour.” He looks back and forth between the right lane and behind the car as he merges over.

The traffic is so bad it takes another five minutes to even exit the highway. Jisung pulls into a parking lot and turns the car off. He reaches for the car door handle and stops, looking over at your form, slouched in your seat. “You want to stay in the car?” You only groan in response. “I’ll be right back.

You have no clue how much time passed when you hear the car door open up again. You dozed off a little while Jisung left to try and rest, but opening your eyes, you don’t feel that much better. You bring yourself to sit up and look over to the driver’s seat to find Jisung with a brown paper bag in his lap. 

“You still feeling like shit?” He opens the bag and places his iced americano down into this cup holder in the center console. “Here,” Hereaches out to you, placing a warm cup of coffee into your hands. “Vanilla creamer for your sweet tooth.” 

You smile a little at that. You bring the cup to your lips and just smelling the blonde roast of coffee helps to alleviate some of the pressure you feel in your head. You inhale deeply then exhale, your shoulders relaxing. “I’ve never loved the smell of coffee so much.” 

Jisung chuckles at you and reaches his hand into the bag, taking out a brown take-out box and placing it in your lap. “That’s because caffeine restricts your veins which means the pressure of the blood in your head kind of goes away.” 

“Oh, well..  Thanks.” You still feel a little awkward. You take a sip of it then place it in the free cupholder to check what was in the box that he had placed in your lap. You open it to find a pair of chocolate croissants. “You didn’t have to do this.”

Jisung shakes his head and places the bag in the backseat. “Well, you look horrible and it’s kind of counter intuitive, but having something in your stomach helps with the nausea. But one of them is for me.” He turns the car back on and heads back towards the freeway as you nibble silently on your pastry. 

When the stop-and-go traffic clears away and it’s just a bunch of cars on the road all moving at a constant speed, your stomach stops flipping and your headache is bearable enough that if you just don’t think about it, you can ignore it. 

Jisung taps his index finger on the steering wheel as he drives, keeping beat with the song playing over the speakers. This is the first song that’s played that he seems to have interest in, the first song he can even pay attention to since he’s no longer worrying about how sick you looked. Now that your headache is mostly gone, you reach over to turn the music up.

Miley Cyrus’ voice is distinct as she sings what you assume to be the chorus. You don’t immediately recognize it, so you assume it’s one of her newer ones. Your head starts bobbing to the music, in time with the beat and Jisung’s drumming on the steering wheel that has grown from a single finger tapping to both hands slapping the wheel. You stare out the window, watching the sun start to slowly make its descent in the sky. 

You tune back into the song when the beat switches up. It’s got a more minimal instrumental than the previous part of the song, just what you think is a drum bass, snare, and high hat with possibly a bass guitar. The sudden change catches your interest.

Fingers start to dance along the figures and the shapes. Mixing all the colors like we’re making a Monet. There’s something between us that’s too major to ignore. May not be eternal but nocturnal nothing more. 

Jisung’s drumming patterns keep up with the song, but you’ve started listening to the lyrics and you can’t help but to snap your eyes away from the window to him. He’s nodding his head, biting on the corner of his lip. You can’t tell if he’s thinking about the lyrics as much as you are. 

Then, his head turns towards you even just a centimeter and you’re quick to reach over to press the skip button before the bridge repeats the same lines again. 

Jisung laughs at you. It’s not a chuckle, it’s a whole hearted, full chested laugh. “Come on, Y/N, really?”

You clear your throat and pick your phone up, still connected to the car. You start closing down unnecessary apps that are still open in the background of your phone in an attempt to act as casual as possible. “What? What do you mean?”

Jisung looks from the road to you, then back to the road and sighs heavily, a slanted smile still on his lips. “Forget it. Nevermind.”

You look back out the window before you drift off again. 

“Y/N,” Jisung’s voice startles you awake. “We’re here.” 

You look around to find that the sun was just above the horizon, casting pink and orange hues into the sky and ocean. You didn’t realize it when Jisung booked it, but the hotel was a relatively close distance away from the beach. You stretch your arms above your head, letting out a loud groan as your muscles untense from the awkward position you had fallen asleep in. You open your door and step out of the car, breathing in the salty ocean air. It felt fresh and the slight night breeze felt cool against your skin. 

Before you can grab your things from the trunk, Jisung already has all the bags and suitcases on him. “Let’s go check in.”

You nod and follow him into the hotel lobby. It’s a pretty nice hotel with an extravagant looking lobby. Looking around, it’s decently busy, filled with not only foreign tourists, but Koreans looking for a small vacation. You fall in line with Jisung and rub the sleep from your eyes. You take a step forward when you’re next up and accidentally bump into Jisung’s shoulder. By reflex, he quickly turns and puts an arm around you, making sure that you’re okay and that you don’t stumble over. He looks to you with his brows raised and a small smile before he turns his attention to the person at the front desk. “Checking in. It should be under Han Jisung.” 

The receptionist types loudly on their keyboard and hands him two room keys in a small hotel key shaped envelope. “Single full queen room. Room 547 on the fifth floor.” 

You brows knit together. “S-Single?” 

Jisung shakes his head. “No, that’s not right, I booked a double.” He pulls his phone out of his pocket, looking through his emails for the confirmation. He shows it to the receptionist. “See? A double.” 

The woman looks at the email then back at her screen. “Hmm. Yeah. Let me see what happened on our end here.” 

Jisung and you turn toward each other with dejected looks on your faces. You’re still feeling awkward and Jisung is feeling tired from driving for nearly five hours. He rolls his neck to relieve some of the tension and takes his beanie off, raking his hands through his hair only to put it back on immediately after. 

“So, I’m not exactly 100% sure what happened, however, I believe in the time that you purchased and booked the room, our systems flagged the room as double booked and it went to the other guest. You were supposed to get another email to offer the single room, but it looks like our automated email did not send and instead booked you automatically for the same price as the double.” 

Jisung leans against the tall counter of the front desk and rubs his temples. “So, there’s no other room available?”

The receptionist shakes her head. “No sir. Not for the same price. Everything else would be a suite.” 

“How much is the suite?” 

The receptionist checks her screen. “The difference would be about 135,000 KSW”

Jisung looks to you to find you shaking your head. “Well, what do you wanna do then?” 

You sigh and pull your hoodie over your head. “It’s fine.”

“We’ll just stick with our room, then.” Jisung takes the keys from the receptionist and pulls your suitcase behind him towards the elevators with you beside him. 

In the elevator, Jisung presses the button for the fifth floor. “I can sleep in the car.” 

You shake your head, “Let’s just see what the place looks like.” 

You walk into the room and look around. It’s actually pretty small, which you figure is so that they can accommodate as many guests as they can. You step inside after slipping your shoes off at the door and walk around the small space, enough for two people. In the center of the room is the queen sized bed facing a wall of full floor-to-ceiling windows. In the corner closest to you on that same wall is a small circular desk with two chairs. The opposite corner has a couch that is so tiny, it would be an absolute pain to sleep in even for you. Right across the door that leads into the hallway on the opposite side was a closet that was left open so that you could  see into the bathroom on the farthest end. 

Jisung takes his own shoes off and wheels your luggage across the room and places it by the small couch in the corner. He does a really quick scan over the room and purses his lips. “So… about the car?” 

You make your way towards him and sit on the couch. “You can’t sleep in the car.” 

He sits next to and shrugs his shoulders. “Well I can’t sleep on this couch.” 

There’s a silence that passes between you and it’s thick and it’s awkward just like the rest of the day has been between you two.

Jisung stands back up and places his duffel bag on the floor. He’s had enough of how awkward you’re being and in all honesty, you’re making the situation way more awkward than it needs to be. “Come on. Let’s go.” He extends his hand out to you. 

You raise a brow at him, “Where are we going?” 

“Trust me.” 

You hesitate but eventually stand up, ignoring his helping hand.  

Jisung awkwardly places his hand in the pocket of his hooded sweater and leads the way out the door. 

Jisung takes you out on a small drive. On your way to wherever he’s taking you, you both point out a couple of places: the mall, the convenience store that you could go to if you find that you forgot something back at the apartment, a McDonald’s where you can quickly grab a bite to eat, a cute cafe that you want to try. 

“Do you know where we’re going?” Your eyes watch the coast, the moonlight reflecting on the waves of the beach. 

“Not really.” Jisung leans forward in his seat, searching for the right place. “I know what I’m looking for, I’m just… not sure if I can find one” You’re about to ask what he means by that, but he speaks up again, excited, “Oh, right up ahead!”

You look towards where he was pulling up to. It’s a relatively empty parking lot with tall lights barely illuminating the area. He parks his car, not paying attention to the designated lines for parking spots and walks out of the car and opens your door for you. He offers you his hand again, but this time he positions himself so that you have no choice but to take it. Eventually, you do, and he helps you out of your passenger seat. 

“What are we doing?” You look at him confused as he leads you away from the car. 

“Stay right there.” 

You stay in place, looking around the empty lot. It looks like it used to be a building, but was torn down and is now being used as a vacant lot for additional parking. It’s relatively dark, but you’re right under the tall lamppost, casting tall shadows around you. 

Jisung goes back to his car and leans over the passenger side to reach the dial of the media console, turning the music up loud enough for you to hear. He looks through his phone that’s connected to the car, searching for a slow song. The soft melody of an electric guitar plays. 

Jisung reaches his hand out to you again and you shake your head, smiling incredulously. “What is this, Han Jisung?” 

“Slow Dance in A Parking Lot.” He gives you a lopsided smile. While you were caught up in your own thoughts, over thinking what having sex with Jisung meant for you and the remainder of your trip and stay in Korea, Jisung was doing his best to keep things normal, even remembering a silly item on the Bucket List.

You close your eyes, smiling to yourself. You take his hand and he pulls you close to him. He places your hand on his shoulder and you do the same with your other hand. His hands rest at your waist and he starts to lead you in swaying to the music. 

“Is this Journey?” 

Jisung laughs a little, “Yeah. Lights by Journey.” 

You close your eyes and place your head on his chest, completely following his lead. You weren’t much of a dancer, but stepping side to side was easy enough for you, and thankfully he wasn’t over complicating the steps. You sigh contentedly, and breathe deeply, inhaling the scent of his cologne. 

He places his chin on your head absentmindedly. “So, Y/N, now that you kind of have to talk to me…”  His chest vibrates when he talks. 

“Yea?” You weren’t sure if you were prepared for this conversation. 

“Are we cool?” You actually don’t expect the question from him. “Like, it happened. We can’t just ignore it.” 

You stay quiet and choose to listen to the rhythm of his heartbeat instead. When he says nothing, you know he’s expecting you to answer. “Yeah but, what does that mean for us?”

“Whatever you want it to mean.” 

You pull your head off his chest and stand up straight to look at him. “Whatever I want it to mean?” You give him a genuine smile. He was so incredibly patient with you and it kind of made you feel bad. You weren’t sure what you wanted it to mean. You search his eyes to find something, anything that could help you, but you don’t find it. Instead, you find comfort, which is better than any solution you could have found. You don’t answer him, instead you change the subject as the song changes over the car’s speakers into something slow, with an acoustic guitar. The singer’s voice is high pitched, feminine and soft.

If you wanna dance with me, then dance with me

“Jisung?” You speak over the lyrics, your voice loud enough for only him to hear. 

“Yea?”

“You don’t have to sleep on the couch. Just… no funny business.”

He places his lips against your hair. “No funny business.”

You nod your head and wrap your arms around his neck, leaning into him more as you both continue to dance in the parking lot, basking in each others company.

“Y/N?” Jisung asks you a question this time, mirroring the way you had just asked him.

“Hmm?”

 “You don’t have to decide right now.”

‘Cause if we dance, we don’t have to speak

You close your eyes and focus on the moment. You can hear the faint sounds of the waves hitting the shore. The gentle breeze doesn’t seem chilly, even as all you’re wearing is a hoodie, tank top, and sweats. The soft thump of Jisung’s heartbeat in your ear is a constant reminder of how close you two are. There’s a tickle in your stomach, a small roll in the pit of your gut, it’s faint, but it’s there.

And I know it's hard to tell, but I think I really like you

ending author's notes: It's fun reading theories that you come up with, but no hints this chapter. I really really liked the end scene and I hope you guys enjoyed it too. Small reminder that reblogs and comments are highly encouraged!

taglist

@burningchaosdeer, @bat-shark-repellant, @jisunglyricist, @captivq, @lixiel0ver, @channieandhisgoonsquad, @dalamjisung, @laylasbunbunny, @beanebabyy, @leyknowsbin , @vixensss, @hyunfilms, @cutiespaghetti, @hanjisunginc

couldn't be tagged

[cranberrymoons]

slow down (you're moving way too fast)

prompt: sweat (kinktober) || "slow down" by ozzy osbourne tags: beach volleyball leading to car sex, my final ode to summer, rated e (18+) notes: again, sort of a loose interpretation of today's @eddiemonth prompt but i did listen to "slow down" about a thousand times while i was writing this, so. enjoy!

—

He watches Steve catch the ball and pitch it toward the net, or – pitching probably isn’t the right word, whatever, who fucking cares, but he whacks it in the general direction of the volleyball net, and his arms flex and his back ripples as he does it, and Eddie looks from side to side to see if anyone else is fucking seeing this ?!

But everyone else looks relatively normal and – yeah. Okay. Fair enough.

Steve’s eyes find him on the sidelines, and his face is flushed and sweaty, smiling wide as he gives Eddie a little wave, and Eddie laughs to himself as he waves back, a little wiggle of his fingers and a lean forward in his beach chair, and this… Steve, sports Steve, waving at him from the court before slapping some other jocky dude on the back and running back into the game.

If sixteen year old Eddie could see himself now.

“You know he’s not going to give you his letterman jacket or whatever, right?” Robin asks from his left hand side as she flips a page in her book. “It would clash with your whole… thing, anyway, even if he did.”

He looks over at her long enough to make sure she sees him roll his eyes over top of his sunglasses, then focuses back on the game, which is moving forward with frankly incomprehensible rules that everyone else seems to understand, but honestly, he has no idea how. 

“It would look cool with my whole thing,” he says absently. “You just don’t like it when I enjoy things.”

“That’s not true,” she says. “I like it when you’re enjoying things that aren’t my best friend’s ass in his tiny, tiny volleyball shorts.”

The shorts really are something, though: neon blue and hot pink and skin, skin, skin, and – Eddie laughs, shooting her another sideways look. She’s technically ignoring him, but he can tell that she’s smiling behind the cover of whatever it is that she’s pretending to read under their shared beach umbrella. She’s wearing a bikini of her own with a giant floppy hat and one of Steve’s button up dress shirts, and she hasn't so much as moved from her chair since they planted their things in the sand.

“Aren’t you like… sporty, or whatever?” he asks, nudging her knee with one of his own. “You know way more about all this shit than I do. Why aren’t you paying attention?”

“Because I like to be contrarian,” she says, finally looking up to meet his eye. She dogears the page in her book and squints out across the loosely-outlined volleyball court toward the ocean. “And because I have a paper due next week, and if I don’t finish this book by then, I’m definitely going to fail, so.”

Eddie nods slightly. “Fair enough.” He links his hands between his spread knees, elbows on his thighs. “Maybe you should just do what I did. Join a band, get famous enough that it doesn’t matter whether you went to college or not.”

She snorts. “You’re not that famous.”

[continue reading on ao3 || 4,586 words]

[sunnylands-world]

Draco Malfoy's masterlist

Welcome to my Draco Masterlist, readers, and I hope you like my fics! Header, banners, and dividers are all by me

Main masterlist

PART 2 HERE

REQUEST ARE ALWAYS OPEN 💚

You are responsible for your reading choices, please don't report my account or my work. If you are not aware of what smut content is it is usually content meant for 18+ readers, it is up to you what you read, I am not your parents!!

Do NOT write offense things in my comments or I will block you from this page and any account I find out is yours

A lot of my work is old so my writing did improve. it's organized from oldest to newest so that's a warning! if it's cringy sorry [I May Update Them]

After - FLUFF: You and draco make plans for what happens after...

It's okay - FLUFF: When Draco goes missing you run to find him and learn some other things about your best friend...

lies to your deceiving eyes - FLUFF : Draco didn't care much for Hogwarts or the people there that is until he runs into you...

Sick kisses - SMUT: being a deathly eater brings burdens and pain it's lucky you have each other to mend one another's broken pieces...

Choose - ANGST: You and draco are now married what could go wrong? Maybe the past could ruin the future...

muggle things - FLUFF: You and draco go on a trip to the muggle world...

Platinum blondes are superr long - SMUT : When you and pansy make a small joke someone takes it to heart and has to correct your mistake...

Someone bring him back - ANGST: Draco made a lot of mistakes so he tries to fix them but hurts you in the process..

My best friend - FLUFF: So many things happen in your friendship but your to oblivious to see the real big change...

PRETTY LITTLE SINNER - SMUT:

your is put in the room with draco who you secretly like and when you're with the person you like you do crazy things. What if he catches you though...

Punishment - SMUT:

Draco gave you an order and when you don't do what he says, well read and find out...

Feel better - SMUT:

Your insecure about your thighs but Draco knows how to make it better...

Kisses for a sick princess - FLUFF:

y/n on her period and what kinda boyfriend would Draco be if he didn't take care of you...

 

The taller one - FLUFF:

Having a tall boyfriend is great but your boyfriend is a tease and is very possessive when it comes to you even with your friends...

Draco inspired MOODBOARD

Draco MOODBOARD WITH TEXT

Trust me if not everyone else - FLUFF/ANGST:

You go to the yule ball with your best friend but maybe by the end your not friends...

Draco BOOK COVER

For you - ANGST/FLUFF:

So many things are unspoken between you and your foster brother...

For your actions - ANGST:

Draco couldn't complete his task and someone has to pay the price...

Embody - SMUT:

Your village has some rather strange beliefs...

Run away mommy - ANGST TO FLUFF:

When you find out your pregnant you make a run for it afraid of what Draco might say...

Draco SHORT TEXT 1

monster - ANGST:

Draco's not the same and when you got to his room you find out why...

Draco PHOTOSHOPS I MADE

If only you knew - FLUFF/ANGST:

Your sitting on the side watching your best friend love someone else. Maybe he doesn't really love HER...

And after - SMUT:

Draco's parents talk about you and him having kids and it catches Draco's attention...

His - ANGST:

Your taken by Voldemort and draco saves you Making you promise one thing...

I'm here for you sugar - FLUFF/ANGST:

Your Diabetic and make a small dangerous mistake when taking your injections...

Your language - FLUFF:

Your parents are in town and speak a different language so what is Draco gonna do...

Draco TEXT MESSAGE

what my girl wants, my girl gets - SMUT:

Your rather needy when it comes to Draco and who is he to deny you...

Draco TEXT 2

Fuck you - SMUT:

You despise Draco Malfoy and he doesn't like that...

If you were mine - FLUFF:

Draco's life is about to change forever but has to tell you how he feels before it does...

Draco's GIRL COLLAGE

Vampire DRACO COLLAGE

Nightmare - ANGST:

Draco has a really hard time after the wars but you'll always be there for him no matter what happens...

Overflow into my soul and stabs to a wound with no sewing close - FLUFF/ANGST:

It's all a big mess when it comes to you and draco Malfoy. One of you is in love then the roles switch. In the end someone will confess...

"Give yourself to me darling" he whispered in her ear - VAMPIRE SMUT:

Your life's simple you've met the man of your dreams and everything's perfect but everyone's got a secret or a flaw. what's his...

Vampire - SMUT:

Your with a vampire and you a human so things are a bit intense for you because of his lack of control when he's deep inside you...

RAIN BRINGS MORE THAN WET CLOTHES - FLUFF:

it's a girl's dream to dance in the rain but it's a plus if you do it with someone you love...

The second chance - DRACO BOOK

Little Butterfly in the dark - ANGST:

Draco doesn't know what love feels like So where does that leave you...

Hear me - ANGST/FLUFF:

you have a bad habit of tearing yourself down and Draco won't stand for that

What DATING DRACO WOULD BE LIKE

What it's like DATING DEATH EATER DRACO

Vampire charms - Vampire/death eater - SMUT:

the priest little girl is cursed by the walking devil. or is she?...

Yellow - FLUFF:

He wasn't really the type to fall in love But maybe he hasn't met that special girl in yellow...

Purple berry - FLUFF:

You have a crush on your tutor but what are the odds he feels the same..

My crazy death eater - ANGST:

Draco may not have lost just his friends, he may have lost his mind as well...

Someone forbidden - STEP DAD SMUT:

Your step dad is supposed to be off limits but who says either of you follow rules...

Royals - SMUT:

Draco Malfoy is a dick and your a perfect little princess in his eyes But your also not going to back down from a challenge...

Hitting you with snow hearts - FLUFF:

Your not sure how to tell Draco you love him but you love something else maybe that could help...

Wildest dreams - FLUFF/ANGST/KINDA SMUT:

Falling in love slowly is like a Taylor swift song...

Daddy's needy baby - SMUT:

Draco's poor little baby is experiencing a change luckily her daddy is very skilled at helping with it...

Draco TEXT

Brat's punishment - SMUT:

You got a phone for your sixteen birthday and a few years later you use the device for not so appropriate purposes and well your caught...

Deep in your skin - SMUT:

Something about digging your nails in Draco's back while he fucks you just feels right...

Friends to lovers strangers - FLUFF/ANGST:

Draco just wished he would have looked a little closer...

Draco X BLACK READER COLLEGE

New series INFO AND COLLEGE

Something in between - SMUT:

Draco comes back from quidditch and has to have himself buried between your thighs...

Without you - SMUT:

Slytherin parties are known for many things: hookups, drama, and drunk teens but you and your ex bring one more thing...

Happy birthday daddy! - SMUT:

your step dad's birthday comes and of course you come home to celebrate, bringing him cute gifts but he has a better present in mind...

Relax - SMUT:

being a mom is great if you don't count the feeding and other things but Draco is amazing at making you comfortable when you do finally get the chance...

You little brat - SMUT:

your way of coping with your mother's death is not okay with your step father. I mean why sleep with little boys when you have your step dad who is sexy as hell...

The sweetest lies - ANGST:

Draco disappears and pansy comes bringing news about the boy who said he loved you...

The jealous to your possessiveness - SMUT:

you get jealous after a small party and accidentally trigger your possessive husband because of your jealousy and Draco fixes both those problems...

Extremely dangerous - ANGST TO FLUFF:

Draco's a man with a secrets and A few misunderstandings...

Greedy girl - SMUT:

Draco isn't very fond of his girlfriend being a needy slut In front of others and giving them the wrong idea so he's gotta let them know you're only like this for him...

Alpha Draco MOODBOARD

Hero - FLUFF TO SMUT:

your boyfriend stands you up on your eighteenth birthday and your stepdad's there to fill the little hole left in your heart and other things as well…

Draco PHOTOSHOPS WITH STORIES

The famous Bloodline SMUT:

you and the prince are not on the best terms until the truth comes out and he cums in you…

SOFT BLUE ANGST AND FLUFF:

you're attracted to someone you've never seen in human form and your attraction to the said person may cost you everything and it's a risk you're willing to take…

Wrong answer SMUT:

you're gonna fail potions but your professor has an offer to help you pass…

Drive SMUT:

your boyfriend doesn't want to talk about his day, he'd rather show you how shitty it's been…

Came on a train SMUT:

Draco can't control himself around anyone or anywhere when it comes to you...

Okay, today I will be criticizing my first smut EVER! [Draco]

SERIES ↓

STAY QUIET - PART 1 SMUT:

It's Christmas and Draco's favorite present of all lies in his bed but that doesn't mean he'll let you scream...

STAY QUIET PART 2 - SMUT:

You couldn't stay quiet so you'll have to take the punishment for it...

He thinks I'm pretty - FLUFF PART 1:

Your boyfriend's an asshole but you'll always have your best friend...

You should think she's pretty - FLUFF PT.2:

Draco's sees you begin treated bad by your boyfriend and has something to say about it...

Beat me up and break me down - ANGST PART 1:

Something changes about you over the summer...

Sleeping angel - ANGST PART 2: the curse you were put under doesn't just effect Draco in one way in the end...

Everything but not - part 1 *cancelled because it didn't get enough support*

Professor Malfoy series:

It's a brand new year at Hogwarts. You and other children are just beginning their 7th year but you never planned to fall in love with your professor who is also your boyfriend's dad and parents best friend…

Professor Malfoy PART 1

Professor Malfoy PART 2

Professor Malfoy PART 3

Professor Malfoy PART 4

Professor Malfoy PART 5

Part 6 is located in part 2 of the masterlist

[ashrillvenheim]

Awakening Past

Chapter 20

NOTE: I mentioned in the previous chapter my method of limiting myself to the pages I write. Well, in THIS chapter I seem to have FORGOTTEN. The ones that come after if I have stuck more to that rule XD

pairing: Ashley Graham x Leon S Kennedy.

Content: (+18) romance, angst, gore, erotic/suggestive themes at some point, slow burn, violence, action, self-harm, death talk,

If you're a MINOR DON'T keep reading, thank you.

Archive of our own / WORK LIST / Awakening Past Masterlist

prev/next

Narsson drank water for the twelfth time and cleared her throat softly. Here she thought the trip was going to be exciting and she would have a lot to talk about. They'd been provided a private jet for their trip to Norway and Enma would be elated... if Ashley wasn't quiet and impassive as an iceberg. What had gotten into her? She thought about asking him, but then... she remembered their mild confrontation days before, when she told him she was sleeping with Leon. It was definitely normal for her to be angry.

The teacher sighed and got up. 

"I'm going to get something to drink, want some?"

Ashley let out a single grunt of denial and Enma rolled her eyes walking to the back seats of the plane, where Leon, Chris, and Jill were. Redfield saw Narsson's long face and leaned back in the seat.

"Is something wrong, Enma?"

"I don't know what's wrong with Ashley, but she looks like she's carrying a ticking time bomb about to explode."

This time it was Leon who breathed heavily.

"Yes... yesterday... she came home very angry."

The three of them turned to him.

"And do you know why?"

The agent kept sliding his finger across his cell phone, reading the latest news.

"She didn't tell me, but..." he fell silent suddenly, remembering how she undressed in front of him.

"But?" asked Narsson with some impatience.

"She had a date, so whatever it was, something had to go wrong."

Enma's eyes widened in surprise. Ashley had gone on a date? With whom?

"Did I know him?"

"Narsson," Leon's voice was a little dry. "This is not the time for gossip, okay?"

The woman was surprised at the man's blunt tone, feeling a shiver run down her spine. It was as if... he was also irascible about Ashley's situation, had they fought? The truth was, it was burning Leon alive inside that night. The one date night Ashley had and she came back barely an hour and a half after she left. Something went terribly wrong. And from the way she asked him half naked if there was something wrong with her, he could tell it had been something that Dylan had done.

He raised his blue eyes to Ashley's seat in the back and caught her profile looking out the window. When they got back, she would have a little chat with Dylan.

"Ladies and gentlemen passengers, please fasten your seat belts."

Narsson hurried back to her seat next to a mute Ashley and they waited for the plane to land.

*

Time had decided to go against them. They had arrived in Oslo, where one of those rare summer storms would take place and the temperature was lower than they had expected. Even when they arrived at the hotel, they were notified that a polar front and probably snowfall would be coming in the next few days.

They went up to their respective rooms with little more than their carry-on bags, something that Narsson found horribly hard.

"I still don't know how you can travel with so little," said the anthropologist. 

Ashley dropped her backpack in the closet and plopped down on the bed.

"What more do you need than clean underwear, a toothbrush, a bar of soap, and two changes of clothes, huh? All that stuff fits in a bag and you have plenty of room left over."

Enma growled indignantly and Leon laughed softly, aware of the influence he had had on Ashley's attitude. Efficient and simple. Enma grunted at the blonde's response and went to the bathroom.

"I'm going to take a shower before you tell me to use the rain for that too."

Jill laughed and pulled out her things. They split up the rooms, leaving the three-bed side for Jill, Ashley, and Enma, and Chris and Leon the double on the other side of the room.

Ashley turned her head toward the large window and watched the dark clouds beginning to form on the horizon. She didn't mind the cold, in fact, it was pleasant to her in regards to the smells. Winter and autumn were the times when she had the least headaches, as the humidity made them cooler, unlike summer. Her thoughts were lost as she heard the voices of the agents in the background and Leon became aware of her absent air. He was still thinking about what Narsson had asked him on the plane. They were on an official mission and all he could think about was what had happened that night. Ashley hadn't told him anything else and it was eating him up inside. He sighed heavily and tried to think of something else. He glanced at the clock and grabbed his jacket.

"I'm going to go ask what time dinner is." He turned around to head out of the room.

"I'm coming with you."

Leon froze as he heard Ashley's voice and saw her walk past him. The man stood transfixed for a second, where he met Chris' eyes and he gave him a soft affirmation, encouraging him. Kennedy took a deep breath and walked out with Ashley into the hallway.

In the elevator, Leon felt his nerves churning in his stomach and decided to pull out something to chat about before Ashley noticed, although she probably would have already.

"Do you think I can't manage to ask about dinner?"

The soft laugh Ashley let out made the man suddenly calm down.

"I don't trust your Norwegian."

"The receptionist knows English."

"Yes, but the gentleman who works with her doesn't, so what do you do if he attends to you?"

Leon smiled.

 "I trust my sign language skills."

"Well, I don't."

Leon finally laughed and they were silent for a few moments. He thought about it and went to part his lips to ask her about the incident when the metal doors opened at reception. Ashley walked out first and Leon followed with a sigh. She could feel the tension between them since the argument they had at the museum, where he reproached her for only having eyes for Narsson. After that happened about her dinner and they hadn't spoken again. And she didn't like it at all.

She snapped out of her thoughts when they approached the counter and an elderly man served them in Norwegian. Leon turned to Ashley who gave a mocking pat on his chest and struck up a conversation with the man. Leon stood listening to her engrossed, when suddenly his cell phone vibrated. The man took his eyes and attention away from the counter and slid his finger across the messages, seeing a number he didn't know. It was Emily. He arched his eyebrows and opened the notification, not expecting what he saw next.

It was a piece of news. A short, unfocused video of an altercation in a restaurant with a gunman. Leon's thumb paused as he read another message from Connors.

“Tell me it's not Ashie.” 

Leon was struck mute and reflexively clicked on the link to the video. It was barely ten seconds, but in the low quality, he could see a gunman pointing a weapon at some people and one of them was tapping the gun before the shot and then reducing the assailant. It was not clear. It didn't have good quality or good focus. But it had blond hair. And the way to get rid of an assailant with a gun was the same technique he used.

His blue eyes lifted to his companion, who was still chatting with the old man at the hotel, and then he looked back down at his cell phone. Emily had texted him again.

"And?"

He took a second and then typed in the answer. If that video was real, the time Ashley arrived... how agitated she came back... it fit that situation. He told Emily and she replied.

“Has she told you about it?”

“No.” He replied.

“I see...” Connors took several seconds to text her again “maybe it's not her, if she didn't tell you it could just be a fluke.”

Leon knew Emily didn't think so, any more than he did. Because it was too much of a coincidence. But he answered her the same way, trying not to make a big deal out of it and then saying goodbye to her. But now there was already a demon inside him demanding to know what the truth was. His muscles were tense again and his heart was racing as he saw Ashley finish speaking and look for him in the crowd. It didn't take him long to find him and walk towards him.

"They have food service for the rooms, they have dinner here very early."

Leon affirmed without replying and Ashley arched her eyebrows.

"Is something wrong?"

The agent summoned all his training and answered matter-of-factly.

"Yes, the jet lag is killing me and I think I'd like to take a shower before I order dinner."

Ashley didn't doubt his words. She had no indication that he was telling her a lie, so she nodded and turned toward the elevator. Leon watched her walk and his countenance became somewhat more serious. Luck smiled on the man when no one else entered the elevator with them. His mind was going a thousand, still replaying the brief video he had seen, but he wasn't going to mention it to her, that wasn't right. So he opted for what he thought that day when he walked into her house and almost got naked in front of him.

"Ash, what happened that night?"

He heard Ashley's heart skip a beat and turned to look at her.

"And don't tell me 'nothing'."

The blonde sighed, aware that there was little she could hide from Leon at that point, but... she didn't want to tell them about her misfortunes.

"I guess everything that could have gone wrong, went wrong."

That was her answer and, honestly, Leon had expected something more elusive. Even if it was vague, it told him enough about the situation. He clenched his fists.

"Dylan did something to you?"

Ashley could sense the irritated tone of the question and for a moment she felt again everything she went through that night. Everything that made her arrive at Leon's house almost in tears and almost undress in front of him. He had to swallow his breath before answering.

"Why do you care so much? I didn't ask you about Narsson."

There went that little knife again. Leon frowned at his companion's hurtful words, but he didn't hold it against her. He was just being honest.

"Because I care about you, Ash, and... I've seen you down since then."

Those words made Ashley feel guilty for what she had just told him and she sighed to make amends for her defensiveness.

"I turned out not to be his type."

Leon watched her. Wasn't she going to tell him about the armed man incident? Or maybe she wasn't because it hadn't really been her.

"And what was his type?" he asked, wanting to see what else he could get out of her, but he didn't expect Ashley to give him a blunt answer.

"At least not one that could break his arm with her bare hands."

The elevator stopped with a "ding" and Ashley stepped out first, leaving her interrogator behind. She didn't want to tell him. She didn't want to describe the way Dylan looked at her when she took the gunman down, when she almost dislocated his shoulder. She didn't want to tell him about the helplessness she felt when her date had idealized the Ashley who sang drunkenly that last time. A woman eager for romantic affection and with a seductive, mysterious air. That was the image Dylan had had of her. And that was shattered with a simple show of force.

Ashley clenched her fists, holding back the lump in her throat. Even that night she refused to cry out of shame that Leon would hear her. And she still carried a needle in her chest. Was it that hard to like someone in all her ways? She opened the door and walked in with a sigh, followed by Leon, who looked at Chris with a long face. Redfield understood that whatever conversation they'd had, it hadn't improved the situation they were in much.

"Any news?" was all the brunet could say as Ashley jumped into the shower.

"We have to order the food," Leon explained, sitting down in the shared living room. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Ashley grabbed her sleepwear and walked quietly to the bathroom. It definitely hadn't changed a bit and worst of all, he knew she hadn't told him the whole truth. Was she ashamed to tell him? Leon thought for a second and finally growled to himself. How could she tell him about her romantic emotions when he himself lied to her every time she asked him about his? 

God, he was such a jerk.

*

After everyone had cleaned up and made themselves comfortable, they called room service to order dinner. Narsson had been lying in bed from the long trip, so Ashley took over translating the orders. Chris, Jill, and Leon listened to her like children, still amazed by the strange language that sounded alien to them. Ashley managed to tune out a bit by speaking in another language she had so far only shared with Narsson, and a part of her started to feel better when she was done.

When dinner arrived, Enma awoke from her coma and they ate together in the living room. They planned out everything they would do tomorrow at the museum and got a few things in order. Chris and Jill ran down the list to Narsson about the confidentiality of the trip and the half-truth about the BSAA's involvement as a means of security and blah blah blah. They all knew Narsson would end up doing her own thing, so they would make sure to keep an eye on her.

With their bellies full, it didn't take long for them to go to sleep, and although not everyone's mind was at ease, the fatigue of the trip ended up dragging them deep into the darkness of dreams.

*

They had brought a lot of new pieces with them since the last time Narsson came. It was Ashley's second time traveling to Oslo, the first being the year she started paleobiology at Amherst. Her amber eyes swept over the various display cases that protected specimens of the fossils found by Narsson early in her career as an archaeologist. Through the glass, she saw the three agents prowling the hallway with watchful eyes, on the lookout for any movement. She noticed Leon looking at some old bronze pieces and for a few seconds she remembered their conversation in the elevator. He knew perfectly well that he was hiding part of the truth from her, he was no fool, but at least he had been considerate enough not to bring up the subject again. At least for now.

"Narsson, long time no see."

A male voice sounded next to her speaking in Norwegian and Ashley saw a man hug her former tutor.

"It's been a while, Professor, do you remember my student? Well, she's graduated, she's not my student anymore," smiled Enma pointing to Ashley, who shook the man's hand.

"Of course I remember you, young lady. How's your Norwegian?"

Ashley smiled broadly. 

"Much better, sir."

The professor arched his eyebrows in surprise and clapped his hands proudly.

"Impressive."

Graham felt a great satisfaction come over her as the three of them began to chat and this time she actually managed to follow the conversation.

As the three of them chatted, Leon watched Ashley get into her sauce. Chris and Jill noticed the way he was looking at the president's daughter and decided to mess with him a little.

"You're going to erase her face from staring at her," Jill whispered in a mocking tone, causing Leon to turn quickly to her.

"Just listening," he turned to the other relic, but Chris rounded his broad shoulders.

"Yeah yeah, sure Kennedy. Hey, were you able to figure out why she was that mopey on the plane?"

Leon sighed, remembering the video and the conversation in the elevator.

"Sort of, although she didn't want to tell me."

Chris and Jill looked at each other and it was the woman who followed.

"Are you sure it's nothing serious?"

Kennedy thought long and hard about telling them, but he didn't want there to be any problems later, so he opted to tell them what Ashley had mentioned.

"It was a date gone wrong. Very badly," he finally punctuated, looking at the red stone bracelet on his wrist.

"Is she like this because of a bad date?" Chris was surprised and Leon glared at him.

"What, she can't be like that?"

Chris was amazed at Leon's sudden change in attitude and shrugged his shoulders with a sigh.

"I'm not saying she can't, but we've all been there, haven't we?"

"I think you and Jill have rejected others more than you've been rejected."

"Well, I mean, yes, but you get the same hard time," Jill justified.

This time Leon laughed derisively.

"No, it's not the same at all," he growled under his breath, the voice of his memories taking power in him, making him think of his past relationships and how they made him feel like a loser.

Chris and Jill sensed that darkness in Leon's words and were aware of how little they knew some facets of him. Chris cleared his throat and tried to work something out in the direction of the conversation.

"And... has she told you why?"

"No," the man answered in a whisper, ‘she just walked into my house all of a sudden and undressed.’ he thought to himself and then added. "But whatever it was, it's something that asshole told her."

Jill stared at him for a few seconds and Leon turned to another display case.

"You're not... jealous?"

Leon stiffened.

"Me? Jealous of what?"

Valentine jabbed his elbow gently.

"Of that guy asking her out."

He looked at her with reddened ears and frowned, looking away.

"I'm just pissed off because he gave Ash a bad evening, not jealous."

He remembered the dinner they shared after Ashley's presentation. On how they laughed and played. It was a very nice evening and that was how the one the other day should have been.

"He doesn't deserve her then," Chris said in a firm tone and Leon looked at him.

"Definitely not," he agreed with the dark-haired man as he looked through the glass of the display case at Ashley's figure.

Narsson chatted a while longer with his old professor while Graham said goodbye to him to go and explain the situation to the agents. The three turned to her.

"Well, he said-"

"Ash, in our language," smiled Leon. Ashley looked at him in confusion, until she realized he had continued speaking Norwegian.

"Sorry, we've been talking about Narsson fossils and the like."

Chris crossed his arms.

"What's the latest?"

"It's not a clue per se, but he mentioned to us that to the north, in the direction of Tradheim, in the more coastal area, they are carrying out small excavations in search of ancient Scandinavian vessels or objects. They seem to have found primitive sites half a year ago and started digging about a month ago," Ashley explained, looking at the notes in her notebook.

"It doesn't seem to have much to do with what we're looking for, does it?"

"No, but in Spain I doubt the miners in that town expected to find fossilized parasites. You never know."

It was a valid enough argument in view of the situation, so Redfield nodded without complaint.

"And where did you say it was?"

Ashley named the directions Narsson's professor had given her and watched Chris's brow slowly crease.

"I think I'm going to buy aspirin for the trip, my head is going to burst with this language."

"Don't be exaggerated," laughed Ashley and then saw Jill and Leon's expressions. Leon responded with a sigh.

"Ever since I started going to college with you, I still don't understand shit every time you talk to Narsson."

Ashley rolled her eyes at the sight.

"I'm going to buy you a goddamn dictionary," grunted the blonde.

"Hey, that's what we got you for, right? To translate," smiled Chris, but Ashley sighed heavily.

"The one who's going to need those aspirin, is going to be me...."

The agents laughed helplessly and one of the museum guards hissed for them to lower their voices, making all four of them blush with embarrassment. Ashley scolded him and they were invited to lunch by Emma's teacher, something none of them denied. Their stomachs, already empty, rumbled so loudly they feared they'd be thrown out of the museum at that rate.

*

Chris cursed for the nineteenth time when he heard the desperate voice of the GPS.

"Shut that thing up Jill."

Valentine rolled her eyes.

"I wouldn't have to if you just followed the guide, why the hell didn't you turn at the exit?"

"Because it didn't look like it went anywhere to me."

Jill wanted to strangle him. Her murderous impulses were definitely starting to burn inside her.

"What didn't you think? You're in a foreign country! What the hell does it look like to you if you don't know anything around here!" Jill burst out, unable to take it anymore.

"Please forgive me, Miss Smarty Pants! I'm sure you've got the address wrong!" exclaimed Redfield, losing his patience and about to rip the GPS off the dashboard when it spoke again.

Jill looked at him in disbelief.

"So now it's my fault? You've got some balls."

The trio in the back seat listened quietly to the scene, but all three thought the exact same thing.

They looked like a marriage.

"I'm sure you spelled the address wrong." Chris repeated, tapping the little machine somewhat aggressively. Jill slapped his hand.

"You're going to end up breaking it, you handful."

"Then fix the damn address yourself."

"The address is right, I typed it in." Ashley said nervously from the back seat. Jill put her hands up to the sky.

"Thank God! Someone who agrees with me."

Redfield grunted, tightening his grip on the steering wheel.

"Then the thing is broken."

"How about you do what it says and stop complaining?" Leon finally jumped in with a sigh.

"Kennedy, you shut up, you're prettier."

The agent grunted, throwing his head back and hearing Ashley and Narsson laughing beside him.

"You're a fucking ogre when you're angry." he mumbled.

"I'm not angry."

"And a liar too."

"I'm going to break your mouth Scotty."

Leon was annoyed at Chris's tone and his name.

"Oh, I'd love for you to try, Christopher."

When they managed to stop that pitched battle and Chris finally decided to listen to the GPS, they managed to get back on course, but made a stop for gas.

While Jill gave Chris a piece of her mind for being stubborn, the rest of them went out to stretch their legs.

They had rented a van to travel to the seaside town that Narsson's teacher had told them about. It was the most discreet thing to do and right now they didn't want to attract so much attention.

Enma went to the gas station to buy something to snack on and Ashley decided to venture towards the cliffs in the background.

The wind was strong and was stirring her blonde hair furiously. It was freezing cold, even though it was summer, and she could see dark clouds in the distance approaching land.

They'd definitely been hit with shitty weather.

Ashley lowered her golden orbs toward the churning sea at the foot of the cliffs. She felt the salty sea smell fill her completely. She closed her eyes and listened to the crashing of the waves hitting the bare rock, a sound that rumbled until it rattled her soul.

"Watch out for the wind."

She snapped her eyes open and turned in surprise toward the voice. A man with dirty blond hair was looking out at the waves as she did. Gray hair already decorated his sideburns and much of his beard. Ashley was surprised she hadn't heard him, but she noticed his salty scent, just like the sea.

She stared at him silently, doubtful that it was her he was talking to. But then he turned back to her, drilling his gray eyes into the woman.

"Beware of the wind." he repeated. "For it is the breath of the ocean beasts."

Ashley sensed a slightly thicker accent, but understood his Norwegian. Seeing that she was the one he was talking to, she smiled, looking out to sea again.

"At least their breath doesn't smell bad." she replied in the same language.

The man was surprised to hear the young woman's accent.

"Are you a tourist?"

"On a business trip, looking for vestiges of the past."

The man stared at her for a few seconds and then raised his gray eyes to the vast ocean on the horizon. Silence fell between them for a few moments, deafened only by the furious pounding of the sea on the cliffs.

"Many want to know the past, for the humans of old faced monsters that no one now believes in and perhaps are still among us."

Ashley heard the man's raspy voice. Even though it sounded faint in tone, it could be heard above the thundering of the waves and she felt a shiver run down her spine.

"Should the humans of now... forget the monsters of the past?"

They spoke in the breaks of the waves. After the question, another deafening thump enveloped them and the man answered in that deep, mysterious tone.

"When fishermen prayed to the gods for safe crossings or when we were still discovering these lands, beasts dwelt here. Monsters that in the long northern summers did not appear, but roamed everywhere in the dark winter months, when the cold and the shadows accompanied them. They were predators that only fables described and that were only forgotten after they were annihilated with the fire of the gods and the justice of Odin."

Ashley listened in silence, feeling the cold claws of memories brush her mind brazenly.

"They sound like fearsome beasts," she said in a lost, thoughtful tone.

The man turned to her calmly.

"Tell me, miss, have you ever seen monsters?"

A huge wave hit the bare wall, rumbling in her ears even louder and deafening her deepest thoughts, but bringing out her darkest ones. The young woman's golden eyes lifted to the horizon, lost in memories.

"Maybe."

It wasn't a lie. He might think she was just taking him for an old coot, but the man knew those kinds of looks, those expressions.

Too well.

"And you're not afraid to meet others?"

Ashley took a deep breath.

"I'm more afraid of knowing they're there, but not seeing where they're coming from."

The wind swirled around the two, as if caressing them with its icy hands. The man's voice became deep.

"There are many unknown beasts in the world, there always will be."

He took a deep breath and then turned to the stranger, looking at him with his amber eyes.

"I know, just as there will always be someone looking for them."

The wind howled and shook the trees as their gazes met.

Two strangers in a secluded place, talking about monsters of the past and beasts that could still live among them.

It seemed far-fetched and any normal person listening to them would think so, but... when two people who have seen shadows in the darkness were talking... it didn't take much to understand each other.

Then the man took a step toward her and without a word held out his hand. Ashley watched him for a few seconds and then gave him hers to shake.

The skin was rough and calloused. Weathered by the passage of time and demanding work, but he felt that rough surface on her palms as well. The man nodded and turned his wrist to make her open her hand and place a small object in Ashley's palm. He closed her hand tightly.

"An amulet. May Odin be with you, traveler."

He released her hands and turned to walk silently and leave with the same stealth with which he had appeared. Her amber eyes followed the man's figure until he was lost in the sea mist. She looked down at her hand and opened her fingers to see what the stranger had given her.

It was a leather necklace with a silver medallion on which were strange runes drawn forming a kind of pentagram.

It was a compass of Vegrisir.

Ashley was surprised and raised her eyes again to the direction in which the man had gone.

"Thank you," she whispered into the wind, hoping her voice would resonate even to that peculiar stranger.

Still lost in thought, she watched the medallion shortly before she caught the scent of Leon approaching.

Kennedy reached her and looked in the same direction she had seen the stranger Ashley had shaken hands with go.

"Who was he? Did he want something?" he asked curiously and noticed the leather and metal pendant her companion was holding silently.

Ashley clutched the amulet tightly, feeling a strange energy fill her, as if the words she had shared amidst the roars of the sea had encouraged her.

She took a deep breath and turned to Leon.

"And of those pieces of advice that sometimes you have to listen to."

Leon looked at her in confusion, not understanding the meaning of the words. He went to ask, but Chris's voice calling them made him turn toward the gas station.

"Are they calling us?" Ashley asked, putting the amulet in her pocket.

"Yes, we should go," Leon announced, turning to her again.

They looked at each other in silence for a few seconds, melting into each other's eyes as the sea wind gently swayed them.

"Let's go back," Ashley whispered then, taking her eyes off him.

Leon let her pass and walked after her with a strange feeling in his body. A mixture of calmness and... uneasiness.

*

By the time they reached their destination it was already dark.

Or so it was supposed, because it was the first time they had seen the famous midnight sun. While Narsson talked with the locals, the four Americans stood gazing at the sky, absorbed, earning soft laughter from some elderly people sitting on a porch.

Enma came soon after to take them to the small shelter in the village and the agents followed her.

It was a dwelling with an area set up for travelers like them. Narsson and Ashley greeted the kindly elderly couple who had put them up, and the other three smiled with a nod.

"You definitely need to learn a few words," Ashley laughed as she climbed the wooden stairs to the top of the house.

"Do you want me to pop a vein?" Chris grunted, crunching the wood under his weight.

"You're overreacting," Graham reproached him before opening the door to the room.

The room had nothing to do with the hotel. They all slept in the same room and had a single shower to share, plus a stove by the window.

It was much more modest, but it was sturdy. The beds were solid wood and the furniture was hard.

"At least the bed isn't going to split with you, Chris," Leon scoffed, setting the backpack aside.

Redfield rolled his eyes.

"Will you guys stop messing with me? You don't seem to have anything better to do."

Jill patted her partner on the back.

"It's too much fun."

The captain grunted and finally entered the room. There were two bunks and a small bed to one side. Leon and Chris decided to take the lower bunks, while Jill and Ashley took the upper bunks. They decided to let Narsson have the single bed.

After putting on the sheets and washing their faces from the sea salt, they decided to go down to the bar run by the hostel owner himself.

They had a drink and some food at a small round table. A few locals dared to say hello and Ashley was the one who took the initiative to talk.

The locals warned them of the unstable storm that was coming and would probably arrive tomorrow or the day after. They were very friendly to them and especially to Ashley, surprised to hear her speak their language.

They chatted some more and after several drinks from the Norwegians they stumbled off.

The group waved them goodbye and laughed among themselves, feeling the tension they had built up venting a bit.

There were many who paid them no attention, but there were others with curious eyes.

*

The next day they went down to the excavation early. They thought they wouldn't sleep a wink that night because of Chris, but it turned out that he didn't snore unless he got into a bad position, something Leon was grateful for, otherwise he would have tied him up with a gag.

The temperature had dropped a lot and they had to bring out more clothes than expected, but nothing they weren't all used to, although Narsson again complained about not being able to bring the luggage.

This time Leon was the one who drove to the excavation by general vote and Chris spent the ride with his arms crossed and grunting.

Ashley watched the scenery with a blank, thoughtful stare. Her thoughts caused her to reach into her pocket and pull out the metal amulet.

She looked at the shape of the runes and the structure of the engraving for a few seconds and then slipped it over her head and tied it around her neck.

Leon watched the action from the rearview mirror, his blue eyes scanning the small metal object that now decorated her neck. And he saw Ashley push her hair aside and tuck it behind her ear, raising her eyes to the inside rearview mirror. Their gazes met for an instant and Leon quickly averted his.

The GPS told him the end of the trip and Leon parked near the dock. The five of them got out and the sea breeze greeted them again along with the cloudy and increasingly dark sky.

"It looks like it's going to rain," Chris said, watching the storm clouds. They put on their jackets and walked towards the area cordoned off by archaeologists.

Narsson decided to go ahead to talk to the expedition leader while Ashley approached some of the workers. On the other hand, Jill, Chris and Leon scanned their surroundings, alert to any threats.

Some of the DSO department thought that sending so many agents to simply investigate was too much. The BSAA had already sent Chris and Jill and for the President to attach Ashley and Leon to investigate was something that some of the charges were not entirely convinced of, but President Graham was quite clear with his words when he said that he did not plan to mess up again and send just one agent.

Leon knew he was referring to how he was sent alone on a rescue mission that later ended up being something much bigger and even if he had survived, it would have been easier with more qualified agents.

Leon circled the fenced off area and watched the workers hiding in deep holes.

He saw Ashley chatting with some of them and even taking notes in her notebook. Maybe what she experienced in Spain made her take that path, but she was definitely passionate about what she had studied.

It went rather smoothly. Narsson caught up with the project manager and explained that they were looking for new samples of a reptile specimen that had been found. That revelation left Enma somewhat disappointed, as it had nothing to do with the creature they were looking for, but she decided to keep digging.

Meanwhile, Ashley had ended up going into one of the holes they were working on and an elderly man was showing her some shrapnel they had found, mainly seashells. It wasn't particularly new, being an area on the coast, so the man focused more on showing her the different layers that bounded the earth, and in one of them Ashley could see a slight darker tint. He even thought she smelled ash.

"What about this layer?" she asked the man in Norwegian.

"We think it belongs to Viking times. It may be from old sieges when they burned the villages they plundered."

Graham listened carefully and inhaled, wanting to pick up some nuance, but instead sensed something else.

She stood up abruptly looking in one direction. The three agents saw her blonde head peek out of the hole and pin her eyes in the distance. 

Leon turned in that direction and listened. Had he caught a strange scent? The three agents became alert when they saw her emerge from the hole. Ashley waved goodbye to the man and walked away from the excavation, sniffing the air.

But the scent was gone.

The blonde stood looking around as Leon approached her.

"Did you smell something?" he whispered discreetly.

"It seemed familiar, but it disappeared very quickly, so I don't know if it was just a passing scent."

Leon looked at her in confusion.

"Familiar? Of what?"

She sighed.

"I don't know, I think I've smelled it before, but I don't remember where or when."

"I'll tell Chris to keep an eye open." Leon's tone of voice became aggravated and Ashley assisted.

"I'm going to see if I can get anything off the premises."

Leon watched the woman walk toward the dock and after warning Chris and Jill to be on the lookout, he hurried to Graham again. Although he knew she could take care of herself, it was best not to get too far apart.

Ashley walked down to the dock and wandered among the old boats. She stopped in front of two men mending some fishing nets, and they looked at her with some suspicion. Graham approached and could hear one of them muttering disdainfully.

"Excuse me, may I ask you a few questions?"

The instant she began to speak their language, the fishermen's faces changed completely. They remained in their seats and looked at her intently. Leon stood back as he listened to them chat. He could see how well Ashley was doing and... how cheerful she looked.

The more she talked to the fishermen, the looser she felt. The anxieties that had populated her mind on the plane and a few days before were dissipating.

Like that feeling Dylan had put her through... the one that gave her the impression of being desperate for attention and physical contact. Like she was just looking for someone to share a bed with.

It made her feel like a desperate fool.

But there... no one knew who she was, where she came from or what she did, and yet she managed to connect with the locals just by speaking their language. They didn't look at her as a fool or see her as a piece of meat to pick at.

She felt... valued.

At one point in the conversation, she asked them about villages the Vikings used to ravage or even legends of monsters attacking villages. At first, she thought they would laugh at her and her wild questions, but far from it they told her about old tales and local myths.

And finally, she got to hear the word "monsters."

Ashley's eyes fell on one of the fishermen and she asked him about it.

They seemed to be tales for children who didn't want to listen to their parents, but Ashley felt there was something more behind the stories. There was something sinister that made those words almost come alive.

She asked them if those tales were from the area and the other long-bearded fisherman nodded, telling her that that whole area of coast suffered many raids and... misfortunes.

They talked without realizing that their voices sounded lower and lower and slower. Ashley noticed the fishermen's eyes, elusive and darkened by the passing years... or experiences one didn't want to know about. When she was aware of the depth of the men's words, she decided to ask one last question.

"Are any of your places nearby?"

Both fishermen looked at each other for a moment and then felt.

Leon watched Ashley say goodbye to the men and walk back to him. He sensed her amber eyes look to a distant area and knew she was thinking of something.

"Any leads?"

"I have been told that a couple of kilometers from here there are remains of an old fishing village, which was abandoned, they don't know if by a siege by Vikings or... by something else." Her last words were barely a whisper that sent a shiver down Leon's spine. The man looked in the same direction as she did and then put his finger to the small earpiece he, Chris, and Jill were wearing.

"Kennedy here."

A few seconds passed.

"I hear you." Jill's voice answered.

"Ash has spoken to some locals who have mentioned some old ruins. How's Narsson doing?"

"She is still with the manager, Chris has gone with her to look at the geological maps they are showing her. It looks like what they are looking for are old subway caves throughout the area that were buried."

Leon was thoughtful for a few seconds.

"Okay, I've got you on the line. Ashley and I are going to go ahead and take a look at the area. I'll keep you updated."

"Okay."

Kennedy pulled his finger away from his ear and turned to his partner.

"When Chris and Narsson are done, they'll come to our location. Do you have the radio on you?"

Ashley lifted her jacket to show him the device tucked inside a plastic holster. Leon reached up and gently took the backpack from her.

"Come on, I'll take it for a while. I'll follow you."

"Thank you," she said before setting off for the area the fishermen had told her about. Maybe they would get some answers there instead of more questions.

*

The sky turned dark and the storm clouds looked like they were going to engulf everything beneath them. The wind began to blow hard and to shake the treetops furiously.

The two figures walked silently along an old muddy path, now overgrown with brambles.

Leon began to hear thunder in the distance and raised his sapphire eyes to the overcast sky.

He didn't like thunderstorms. He turned to Ashley and the first thunder rumbled like an angry celestial drum. He watched her cringe for an instant and knew she wasn't too amused either.

The two walked in silence, their minds sinking in that sea of memories they shared.

In the storms and... in that night.

"Look."

Leon's voice brought Ashley to her senses and she raised her eyes to the craggy cove between the cliffs. It was farther from the sea than the town they had been in and at first glance it just looked rocky and overgrown with trees and grass.

They walked until they reached the place and as they approached they could see small vestiges. Small piles of stone covered by the moss of yesteryear could have been a stone wall to keep the animals in the corral.

Ashley knelt down to pull up some weeds and look at the bare rock blackened by some past fire. There was nothing left to indicate that there had once been a village there, only traces of stone and a very old nail that Leon had found while digging in one area.

Another clap of thunder echoed in the sky and the first drops began to fall. The two put on their hoods and continued investigating.

"Are you sure this is the place?" Leon asked, running his palm along crags made in the stone and then turning to face her.

He saw her crouched down as the rain poured down on her.

Graham stood up silently and looked around.

"Yes, this is it," she whispered. He stood motionless for a few seconds and then crept through the trees with Leon until they found a stranger abandoned on the ground. It was overgrown with brush, brambles, and moss, but it was strangely round. Leon and Ashley pulled out their knives and without a word began to cut and bring to light what was underneath.

A pit. Or what was left of the silhouette of one.

It seemed that at a more present time, someone had closed the hole in the well with timbers of questionable sturdiness.

"Well, this is something," Ashley said not quite sure what to do next.

Leon picked up a small stone and threw it into the plugged hole. He listened carefully and sighed.

"It doesn't look very hollow, maybe the earth has filled it in by now."

They both sighed and the rain got louder, making Leon's head buzz more.

"Maybe we should go ba-"

Ashley pushed him against a tree and covered his mouth in a second. Leon tensed and looked at her in confusion, but when he met her eyes he knew something wasn't right.

Ashley remained static. She inhaled softly and her pupils constricted. She let go of her partner's mouth and hid behind another tree trunk. Leon saw her tie her backpack tightly and then pull her pistol from her thigh holster.

Leon reflexively did the same and all his muscles tensed violently.

He glanced sideways at the woman and watched her lips move slowly.

"We've been followed."

Leon frowned and made sure the gun was ready.

The thunder began to deafen the place and Leon found it increasingly difficult to hear anything in the pouring rain. But for Ashley it was the ideal situation. The rain accentuated the smells more, expanding them and making them reach her more easily and clearly. She closed her eyes, listening to her racing heartbeat and steadied her breathing.

She sensed the shades of her followers and recognized them.

They had the same scent as the mercenaries who tried to kidnap Narsson.

For a second she thought about how they had found them, but if Wesker was as smart as Chris claimed, then it wouldn't have taken him long to come to that conclusion. Researching Enma's background was enough to find the museum where he displayed his old find. They would probably talk to Narsson's professor as well and he may have stopped by his classmates so the man could tell them where they had gone.

He was definitely a man you didn't want to have as an enemy.

Leon heard some whistling and had to make a great effort to make out the footsteps. He cursed inwardly at the intercession of rain and raised his gun, ready.

Ashley motioned for him to wait. They were still approaching.

"Where the hell did they go?" someone said in the background.

The footsteps were becoming clearer even to Ashley. A violent clap of thunder split the sky and Leon had to quickly cover his ears. He gritted his teeth and his blue eyes locked on Ashley's on the other side. They both looked at each other in silence as their hearts thundered in their ears. They didn't look away from each other as they heard the voices getting closer and closer.

Ashley breathed in softly and sensed three people... no, five. 

It was a small group like them, probably recon. Both Chris and Jill had mentioned to her that Wesker was not a man who was on the front line other than when necessary, so he may not have even gone all the way to the coastal town they were in and stayed in Oslo. Redfield also let it slip that he was no ordinary human, that he was a bioweapon himself, so she assumed his scent would be very different from that of the mercenaries.

He let the air out gently. He didn't want to form mist and give away his position.

"Look for them, they should not be far away." Another man's voice was heard in the undergrowth. "Do you have the thermal scopes?"

Leon and Ashley tensed suddenly and looked at each other in alarm. If they used those sights, they would be hunted down in a second. Graham raised his hand and his heart skipped a beat as he caught a scent approaching Leon. He motioned to his partner as another clap of thunder made Leon curse. The agent stuck to the log and waited.

And waited.

It was as if time stood still as the rain seemed to fall in the background. Leon stopped hearing it for an instant and focused on the footsteps as his heart pounded in his chest with a drum. 

He was close.

 He saw the tip of a rifle peek over the side of the tree trunk. He filled his lungs and held his breath. 

He had only one chance. 

First the gun. 

A hand peeked out. 

An arm... a shoulder... 

The soldier's eyes met the agent's and before he could even blink, Leon grabbed him by the throat. 

He tensed all his muscles and strangled him with all his might while covering his mouth. Ashley watched the man struggle in trying to break free from Leon's deadly grip, but to no avail. She smelled the adrenaline and watched his eyes roll until he stopped moving. 

Ashley felt her heart shrink as she saw the body left dangling in Leon's arms and he didn't blink. His face was now serious and hard as steel. There was no room for doubt or emotions. Only instincts. 

He thought the soldier's threat had passed, but then a beeping sound began. Leon and Ashley both blanched. 

"There!"

Shots whistled and the two ducked behind their trees. Leon looked at the soldier and saw a small bracelet. That made that sound. A bullet hit the trunk at Leon's head level and the man grunted. 

"Fuck," he shot in the soldiers direction. Ashley mimicked him, trying to spot his pursuers in the bush. Kennedy took firm aim and when he heard footsteps, he fired. One man screamed as he was hit in the shoulder and Ashley pushed back another.

Leon put his hand to his ear and pressed the receiver. 

"Chris!" a bullet made him flinch with a jolt. "Jill!" he called into the transmitter. But the sound of a click silenced him. 

Leon turned around. 

Ashley turned around. 

Between them flew a spherical object. A grenade. 

They saw it in the air. The rain stopped. Their hearts thundered in their ears. Their bodies rose up burning. 

Run. RUN. RUN. 

Ashley pushed Leon with her body and they fell into the hole of the well before the explosion. Wood and earth showed and the bomb shattered the rock walls. And they fell.

***

His ears were ringing between the impact of the grenade and the roar of the water. He felt a body clinging to him in the fall. 

"GET AIR!" 

Leon only reacted to Ashley's shout an instant before sinking into the icy water. They held on with all their might as the current swept them through those underwater tunnels. They shielded each other's heads and held their breath and the violent shaking. They felt the agony and the fear of not knowing if there was an end. If they would make it out. When the current spat them upwards. They stuck their heads out in desperation and breathed in pain. They gasped and swam until they touched the rough crevice. They groaned in pain and grunted as they climbed onto land, feeling their whole bodies scream. They had suffered bumps and abrasions. Leon looked at his legs with cuts, torn cloth and blood slowly oozing out. They were minor injuries, so he didn't take much notice of them. He turned quickly to Ashley with his heart in his fist and barely breathing. 

"Ash-" he coughed the seawater from his throat and watched her spit out the saltpeter. He saw some cuts on her hands and noticed her arms and back, but, like Leon's, they were only superficial.

He crawled over to her and pushed her hair away from her face as her gasps echoed in the cavern. 

"Are you... okay?" he asked breathlessly. She raised her eyes and clung to his arm. 

"Yes,... And... you?"

Leon looked around and took a shaky breath. 

"I'm fine." It took a few more seconds for their breathing to calm down. They stood up in pain and looked at the place where the torrent of water had spat them out. 

"Where are we?" Leon said, wringing the water out of his jacket and pulling his hair back. 

"It's salt water, so we still have to be on shore,” she replied, opening a backpack to make sure she hadn't lost anything. She was thankful she had packed samplers of plastic bags. After inspecting it she stood up and began to feel cold. 

"We should find a way out before we get hypothermia," Leon said rubbing his hands together and looking at Ashley. She inhaled deeply and arched her eyebrows.

 "I smell ... wood?"

Leon looked surprised. 

"Wood? Which way?"

She sniffed and pointed to a narrow gap between the walls. 

"That way." Ashley's tone of voice was a little louder and Leon grunted, covering his ears. 

"Speak softer, please," he whispered. His eardrums were still ringing from the explosion and the salt water that had gotten into his ears didn't seem to be coming out. It was a very unpleasant sensation that was just giving him a headache. 

"Sorry," she apologized in a whisper and then took his hand and led him. "come."

Leon let himself go. He felt terribly dizzy, as if he had been hit several times with the palms in his ears. He heard Ashley's footsteps mixed with the swaying of the water inside his ear canal. He grunted in frustration and watched Ashley squeeze into a small hole. He slid sideways and waited for her to reach the other side and then followed her to him. 

"Fuck... I barely... pass..." he gasped holding on to the stone so he could move forward. 

"You need to do less pull-ups, your pecs are too big," she scoffed in a soft voice wanting to take the heat off the situation and was happy when she heard Leon laugh under his breath. "My pecs are perfect." 

"Then tuck in your belly." 

"Idiot."

This time she was the one laughing. Kennedy finally managed to get out, but saw Ashley slip as she gave him her hand to pull him up. He grabbed her like lightning and they both fell down the slippery rock. It was more of a startle than anything else. They made it to the end unharmed in the blink of an eye. They got up carefully so as not to slip again and stood in pity. 

"Wow,” Leon whispered, shining his flashlight on the old and worn wooden structures. A graveyard of Nordic ships.

The hulls were mangled and almost rotten to the core, but the isolation of the cave had ensured that they had been preserved until now. Leon and Ashley approached carefully and Graham originated the wood full of algae and verdigris. 

"How long has this been here?" Leon lifted the flashlight to the masthead on the bow and then slid it down to the wreckage of other vessels. "They look like shipwrecks." 

"Yes, maybe the ocean currents dragged them through the caves." Ashley took out the knife to scrape the surface of the wood and then opened the backpack. 

"I'm going to take samples... shit."

Leon turned to her. 

"What's the matter?" 

The plastic canisters had broken from the impact they'd taken underwater. Ashley rummaged through the bottom, pulling out the unusable and was glad she'd packed bags of blood to use as possible liquids, something she didn't take to the expedition in Spain. 

"I don't have many containers, most have broken, but I think I can manage."

With great care and patience, she chipped the slippery wooden surface and inserted the remains through the tube of the bag. Leon watched her for a few seconds and then walked around the other side. The echo of the water between the tunnels echoed in his ears like waterfalls, making it difficult for him to even hear Ashley. He kept an eye out for an unlit area and an old plank that sagged under his weight. And he heard a creaking sound. Leon froze and all his muscles tensed. He didn't move, wondering what that had been.

"Ash?" he called to his companion with some urgency. "I think I stepped on something... that's not wood.

Ashley turned and finished putting the bag away quickly. She ran to him with flashlight in hand and shone her light at his feet. She knelt down as she saw that some of it was wood, but underneath was something else. Graham lifted the splinters with the knife and whispered.

“Lift the foot slowly.”

He obeyed gently and lifted the drop of rotten wood, letting Ashley see what was underneath. When she saw it, the flashlight almost fell off, and she gasped for air for a second.

Bones.

He had stepped on a skull. But her horror didn't end there.

When Ashley pushed aside a large chunk of wood, the two of them suddenly moved away.

A plaga.

They both saw that the creature was pierced in half and realized what that meant.

“That... is much bigger than the ones in... Spain,” Leon whispered, circling the body. “Haven't you smelled it?”

She shook her head. 

“Everything smells like salt and seaweed, it is very difficult to perceive such old and small smells.” She paused, following Leon, who found the other half of the plaga. “Besides, this... looks like the ones from the grotto I found in Spain.”

“The ones that were dismembered?”

Ashley nodded.

 “Those were far below even the catacombs we were in.”

Kennedy was silent for a few seconds. 

“So they're older than the ones Ramon had inside.”

They both internalized what that meant: the creatures had been around for a very, very long time.

Finally, Ashley reacted and pulled out the knife to extract samples of the plaga.

The water hadn't ruined the analog camera, so she was able to take some pictures.

“Ash, here's more!”

Leon had found an area overlooking the water where there were more bodies or remains of what had once been humans. From the looks of it, they had fought off the parasites, as they were all impaled, burned, or dismembered. It looked like the reason for the shipwreck was the plagas and the ship was at the mercy of the ocean just like the bodies, ending up being washed up there.

“Here, go take pictures of all this. I'm going to finish taking samples from inside the ship,” Ashley said, handing him the camera.

“Be careful.”

She smiled at him and walked to get between the skeletons of the old ships while Leon put his photography skills into practice.

Inside the ship, the smell was terrible. Ashley had to hold her breath every time she scratched the decaying surface filled with algae and some other mollusks.

The place felt... forgotten. As if time had disappeared and everything the sea had washed up there had become a mere eternal mausoleum. The air was heavy, and the cold went through the bones, making both Leon and Ashley shiver.

“When we get out, I call for the shower first,” Ashley said, grunting in disgust as a seaweed fell on her head.

She heard a soft chuckle in the background. “We'll draw lots when Chris and Jill find us.”

Ashley pulled out another baggie and saw that she only had one more left. She couldn't take too many samples.

“Jill?” she then heard Leon call out to the ex-cop. “Jill, do you read me?”

Leon could only hear choppy sounds and noise. He grunted, trying to focus all his attention on getting a response. They had to be looking for them; the explosion would have alarmed them. Leon and Ashley had locators, so at least they could track them.

He focused again on trying to hear his companions over the earpiece.

And a board hit his head.

Leon fell face first into the puddle of water he had been photographing. He jerked his head out with a grunt, but he was grabbed by the throat and plunged back into the water.

Who the hell was that? He hadn't heard him. He had been so focused on catching something from his companions that he had let his guard down.

He struggled with his attacker and felt his lungs burning from not being able to catch his breath. He managed to land a kick to his attacker's head, and he fell backwards. He came out of the water gasping and saw one of the soldiers. He must have pulled out a knife, and he saw Ashley emerge from between the boats. The man lunged at the officer with the gun, and Leon raised the gun, pointing it at his head.

But the man was quicker. “Knives are better for close combat, rookie.”

“FU-”

Leon dodged the fatal stab, but the blade sank into the side of his waist. Leon roared and grabbed the man by the wrist, striking him in the head. The soldier threw his body over him, and they both fell into puddles on the stone. Leon screamed as the man pulled the knife from his flesh and stopped him as he went to stab again.

Ashley jumped on the soldier's back, deflecting the knife and keeping it from plunging into Leon's chest. He hit her in the temple with his elbow, but she didn't let go.

She only saw red and smelled blood.

They wouldn't hurt him. Not anymore. She wanted to protect him. Save him.

Leon punched the soldier in the stomach, making him grunt. The agent threw him into the air with a kick, and Ashley didn't hesitate. She charged at him, and the soldier hit her hard, but she managed to cover herself and answer him with a hook that sent him reeling.

“Don't hesitate. Don't think. Act.”

She couldn't see. She was blinded by adrenaline and fury...along with terror. Her body moved on impulse, drawing the knife.

She dodged a kick and plunged the blade into the soldier's thigh. He screamed, but before he could react, she drove the knife into his neck with the violence of a hammer.

The man convulsed for a second before going still and falling dead to the ground.

Ashley gasped uncontrollably. The blood was warm, and the smell was suffocating.

The stench of blood... rancid and... hot.

“LEON!”

She couldn't stop. There was no time to think about what she had just done.

Not now.

Leon's grunts tore at her as she dropped to her knees beside him.

There was so much blood. Too much.

“God, God, God...” Ashley pulled off her jacket and pressed it hard against the wound, wrenching a scream from Leon. “Put it there, Leon, please!”

He ran for his backpack as he heard the man's pained moans.

This time, he was the one bleeding out. Not her.

Quickly.

She went back to him and pulled out some small towels she had stuffed in the backpack. She pulled out bandages and a first aid bag she always carried with her.

Leon was sweating and shaking. His face was paling by the second.

“Hold on,” she sobbed, lifting his shirt to see the wound. It was on the side of his waist. She didn't know if it had hit any organs—maybe not, as it was too far on the outside—but he was bleeding a lot.

She quickly took out the disinfectant and poured it all over the wound.

“FUCK!!!” he roared in pain, biting his other hand to hold back his moans and grunts of agony.

Ashley's eyes watered and clouded over. She had to hurry. Her hands couldn't shake now. “Please, not now.”

“Don't fail me now,” she whispered as she pulled the suture needle out of the little metal box.

Leon was running out of strength, and the color was leaving his skin too quickly. Ashley hurried to sew with her heart in her throat and tears in her eyes.

“No...no...please...hold on....”

She closed the wound, but the scarlet puddle that had formed was worrisome.

“Leon?”

She got no answer.

“Leon? LEON!”

She felt for a pulse and held back a scream as she felt how weak it was.

Blood. He needed blood.

She thought quickly. She was a universal blood donor. Yes, yes, she could give it, yes, come on.

Almost hyperventilating, she pulled the last remaining bag out of the backpack along with needles. God, she never thought she'd need these, she'd only brought them for fluids, and now she was going to do a homemade blood transfusion.

Either that or Leon would die.

She strapped the belt to her bicep and dug the needle into her vein. As the bag began to fill, she cut the sleeve of Leon's T-shirt and pushed the thin metal into his pale veins. She secured the IV and lifted the bag, then opened the path.

The time it took for the red liquid to flow down the tube into Leon was agonizing.

This was madness. She didn't even know if it would work.

She could only wait.

And with every passing second, she felt like a part of her was dying.

She didn't know how much time passed or how much blood would have entered Leon's body. She was still pressing on the wound with trembling hands when she heard a grunt of pain.

She turned breathlessly to him and sobbed with joy when she saw those eyelids part.

“ God... Leon... Can you hear me?” She whispered brushing sweaty locks away from his face.

 He took a second to focus his eyes and then look at the woman.

“ Ash... Are you okay?”

 Ashley laughed through her tears.

“ That's what I should be asking you... you idiot.” She stroked his cheek and Leon gave her a faint smile.

I need a few more minutes to fully regain consciousness and see Ashley's blood rushing into him.

“Are you... a walking hospital... or what?” he whispered weakened, but feeling the energy return to him. He hissed when Ashley moved the hand he kept pressing on the wound to see if it was still bleeding.

The towel was clean.

“ Being it was good for me.” And she took his pulse again, calmer now, and wiped away the sweat. - How are you feeling?

“ Wonderful.” he sighed with a soft laugh that made her grunt. “ Have I earned the first turn in the shower?”

Anyone would think this situation was absurd. That he wasn't behaving like a man who had been on the verge of bleeding to death. But Ashley knew he was doing it as much for her as for him.

“ Maybe I'm going to have to help you take a shower.” she joked now with dried tears.

 Leon smirked.

“ That doesn't sound like a bad plan.”

Ashley laughed softly and wiped her nose with her free hand smearing it with Leon's blood. The smell of iron and became so intense that it even eclipsed the scent of the salt surrounding them. But right now he didn't care if he couldn't smell other smells, now he just wanted to see Leon recover.

But the adrenaline was starting to drain out of her and her thoughts began to take hold.

She had killed a person.

She still felt the warm sensation of blood on her hands. Her body had acted alone and before she knew it there was a man lying on the ground with her knife through his throat.

Her body began to tremble and her breathing to shake.

But it had been so fast... everything had turned red when she saw Leon full of blood.

As if it wasn't her.

She didn't feel the hand that touched her wrist and the voice that called out to her. Only a sharp pinch made her react.

“ Ash.” she turned to Leon with dilated pupils. “Breathe.”

It took her a second to process that word, but she saw Leon do it and unconsciously imitated him.

“ That's it. - he whispered, breathing in and out with her.”

He may have been through a lot of things, but killing a person wasn't one of them.

And Leon knew how hard it was. He knew all too well.

They breathed together and even Leon stopped feeling dizzy. It seemed Ashley had given him enough blood.

“ I'm doing much better. The wound seems to have clotted, doesn't it?”

Ashley gently lifted the cloth, even she looked surprised.

“ It's very fresh, if you move too much it will open up, but it's not bleeding, did... my blood help?”

Leon sighed heavily.

“ Whatever it was, it is welcome.”

Ashley laughed softly.

“ You're not dizzy anymore?”

“ No, it was just in time, thank you.”

She smiled and let the air and heaviness out of her body, now fully stained with Leon's blood.

“ Be still for a while.”

“ Yes, ma'am.”

“ I'm going to take the-”

It was like nightmares in slow motion.

That strange feeling of stillness that he saw everything in great detail, but at the same time he was unable to react.

And what he saw was the nightmare coming back to him.

He saw a deformed face. Teeth closing around Ashley's shoulder.

And a scream breaking his ears again.

The pain of his wound disappeared and his instincts made him grab the hilt of the knife still plunged into that man who was no longer human.

But a monster.

He saw the teeth sink into her flesh and all his muscles pulled at the fist, severing the head all at once as it fell rolling to the ground.

Ashley brought her hands to the hollow air of her neck and shoulder. She felt the blood between her fingers, but it barely came out.

What it was doing was burning.

She looked at Leon and then at the man she thought she had killed. She saw her partner's eyes widen like saucers and terror fill his expression.

“ No... no, no, no, no, no, no, no.”

He looked at her in despair and when he saw those black veins spread from the bite, he felt like he was going back to that night.

To the same place. To the same nightmare.

“Leon what's hap-”

Ashley began to cough and her throat tightened. Her eyes contracted and her body began to shake and sweat. Leon grabbed her tightly.

This couldn't be happening.

Ashley's breathing became somewhere between ragged and anguished.

This had to be a nightmare. No...not again...not her.

She saw his amber eyes bloodshot and as she screamed at him. Leon didn't process her words, it took him a while to understand that she was asking him to release the IV.

What IV? Then he realized they were still sharing blood. Leon's thoughts stopped working as he watched those black veins spread across Ashley's skin. He began to feel hot. An unpleasant tingling running up and down his body.

He called out to her until his voice rasped from the effort as he watched her tremble more and more and the burn by the second. He was unable to react, but a part of him knew what was happening, what was happening to them. And he remembered the nightmare.

It was another bad dream. He just had to wake up.

He only had to wake up.

[danisbrainrot]

capitol!academy!reader (shes 18 and is a coryo friend) teaching gf!tigris to read and write because she never had the opportunity due to having to take care of coriolanus and grandmother

tigris snow x reader

also, she and coriolanus aren't really friends, it's more of a symbiotic relationship. i hope you don't mind.

you were desperately poor. your family had been this way ever since the war. crassus snow had persuaded your father to invest everything in district 13, that when it was bombed to nothing, your whole life collapsed before your eyes. now, your family had to take up any and all kinds of jobs to make a little money.

you had always been incredibly smart. in fact, you and coriolanus were often academic rivals, trying to out score each other in exams and essays. it made sense that you'd be able to help tutor the dumber—but much richer—students at the academy in the grades below.

one day, coriolanus was walking past you explaining the themes of an old fictional book from before the war that surprisingly stuck on the curriculum—something about mice and men.

you started packing up, collecting payment from the younger student, before you locked eyes with coriolanus. you stood in shock—no one in the grade was supposed to know that you were poor. he swiftly approached you, promising not to rat you out if you helped his cousin. you asked why he couldn't do it himself, but he evaded the question. you sighed, but agreed—you couldn't just say no. what if he told everyone about your family's. . . situation?

that's how you found yourself outside his apartment, standing on the pavement of the corso, gripping onto your book bag tightly. you knew they lived on the penthouse, which meant climbing several hundred stairs; you discovered the elevator was broken upon entry. groaning, you began the long climb to the top, wondering how coriolanus did this everyday.

you pounded on the door, catching your breath once you finally reached the top. tigris eagerly opened the door, pulling you in for a tight hug and thanking you profusely for coming.

the first thing you noticed was how barren the grand apartment was. there were only a few necessary pieces of furniture, paint was peeling off the wall and the carpet looked like half of it was ripped up years ago. you realised that the snow's were as poor as you were.

"coryo's at sejanus' house right now, and my grandma'am is asleep so it's just us right now, I hope you're okay with that," she explains, leading you to her room and where her desk was. it was significantly smaller than all the other rooms she'd seen throughout the apartment, half of it still damaged from the war. she sat on her bed, gesturing for you to sit at the desk.

"that's fine. coriolanus told me you were struggling with your reading and writing?" you ask, taking your book bag off and setting your stationary on the desk.

she bit her lip sheepishly, looking at the ground and nodding. "besides the basics and a few things he's taught me, I'm almost illiterate. I had to drop out of the academy to get a full time job, but even then I was terrible at literature," she replies, rubbing her arm up and down.

you freeze, looking at her for a moment too long before shaking her head, "well, I guess that just means we'll be spending a lot of time together," you state, sitting down next to her. you didn't really know where to start, considering all the other people you tutored were usually at a 10th grade reading level, but you quickly found out that tigris wasn't being modest; almost illiterate was an accurate claim.

pulling out an old literature skills book, you place a pen down in front of her and open it to the twentieth page. "do all the activities you can," you say, beckoning her over and standing up. she filled in a few blank spaces, corrected one spelling mistake and bit her lip, before finally placing the pen down. you sigh, knowing that there was a lot of work that would need to be done.

over the next week, tigris' literacy gradually improved. you meticulously poured over past notes you'd taken, encouraging her to learn however she felt comfortable. you stuck to a slow, but effective pace.

you had found out that the reason coriolanus refused to teach tigris was because his temper was far too short and he valued her too much. this didn't completely surprise you—remembering the countless group projects where he'd snap at arachne or festus when they couldn't understand something.

when tigris could finally complete ten pages all by herself, you deemed it a cause of celebration and bought a small cake. it had cost you the same as one tutoring lesson, but it was all worth it when you presented it to her. her eyes nearly bulged out of her head; she subconsciously kissed you on the cheek.

she blushes once she realised what she did, before taking a bite out of the cake and closed her eyes in bliss. "I can't believe you bought me a cake for something so simple," she mumbles, avoiding your gaze.

you snorted, shaking your head in disbelief, "are you kidding me? it's a huge improvement. besides, it's nothing," you lie. your family really needed the money, but the way tigris' face lit up, you couldn't help but know you made the right choice.

"what are you going to do if I finish the whole book?" she asks teasingly, taking another bite of the cake before offering it to you.

you refuse it, before thinking about her question for a minute. "hmm, I think I'd have to kiss you," you joke, winking at her.

the blood rushed to her cheeks, as she turned a dark shade of scarlet. she had grown to really like you over the past week, forming a slight crush on you—the suggestion didn't sound like a bad idea to her. but she knew you were joking, by the way you started laughing straight afterwards.

when you left that evening, she made it her mission to complete the 150 page activity book before your next tutor session. you had a group assignment you had to do with lysistrata so it wouldn't be for another week, giving tigris ample time to get it done.

one day at the academy, you were in the library studying with lyssie and hilarius when coriolanus pulls you aside. he thanks you in private for helping his cousin, and mentions how she was so inspired that she'd managed to finish the entire book. your eyes widen, shock evident on your face for two reasons. one, the book was long and the many pages were extremely difficult. two, did that mean tigris really wanted that kiss?

you and coriolanus walk to his apartment that very afternoon. as he opened the door, tigris ran into the room, flapping the book in your face excitedly. you laugh at her enthusiasm, pulling her into a hug and congratulating her. she grabs your hand, leading you to her room and out of coriolanus's view.

"I guess this means I'm getting that kiss, huh?" she asked shyly. you could tell it was meant to come out teasingly, but tigris was genuinely flustered.

you smiled softly at her, leaning and caressing her cheek with your thumb. "you're smarter than you give yourself credit for," you praise, watching as tigris' cheeks turn pinker. finally, you delicately press your lips against hers and pull her in closer to you.

she sighs into the kiss, wrapping her arms around your shoulders and smiling at the soft way your lips felt. she wanted to stay in this blissful moment forever; you felt similarly.

once you pull away, she pouts momentarily—missing the way your lips felt on hers. "you know, I have another exercise book at home. I could get it for you, and then once you finish that I could kiss you like that again," you tease.

she shook her head, "I think I wanna kiss you like that all the time. not as a reward," she replies, pressing her forehead against yours. you couldn't help but agree, leaning in to kiss her again.

[cissyenthusiast010155]

Hi, I hope you’re okay.

I’m a little nervous to ask this. I have a question and I just needed some advice really and I didn’t know who too talk to. I know your account’s 18+ and I’m slightly under that, (I’ll be 17 in a month) but I’ve seen how kind and honest you are on your page.

I wanted ask about taking contraception to help ease and later stop periods, not for any sexual reasons at all just purely period based. If this isn’t something you feel comfortable answering then you don’t have to, I promise I’m not asking this to be a creep or anything.

I get heavy periods and bad cramps when I’m on, the cramps vary but when I get them they’re really unpleasant and painkillers don’t do much to help. I’ve been thinking about get something like an IUD to help as a more semi-permanent solution now that I’m getting older but I don’t really know.

If feel like I’m being stupid and dramatic for even considering it and all I can think is “am I doing this for the sake of doing it.” I just need some advice without feeling like I’m going to be judged for it.

Am I possibly considering making a massive mistake and just being stupid? Perhaps I am just being overdramatic and should just suck it up, I don’t know.

I’d love your thoughts if you’re comfortable giving them.

(Btw, I’m from the UK)

{Let’s Talk Hormones and Contraceptives!}

Hey Sweetness…!! I really appreciate you reaching out like this! I am very proud of you for being so vulnerable and sharing. You are so brave. I hope you are doing well! ♥️♥️ I don’t think your ask is weird or creepy at all. I applaud you for asking!

First things first, yes I advise my blog as 18+. This is because I often write smut and harder core fanfiction, as well as I talk about sex and harder topics. If you aren’t 18, *sigh* I usually advise caution. However, while I do have a AMAB men dni, I do not have a minors dni. This is because there are some 17 year olds that are mature enough to handle my content. But in general, and as a rule of thumb, it’s 18+ with a kind of approach at your own caution rule.

I am very sorry to hear about the pain you undergo during your period… And I’m sorry to hear that painkillers do not work. The unfortunate reality is that painkillers often don’t work to ease those pains, they do for some, but not for others. And if they don’t work for you, that’s okay; if they work for you, that’s okay.

So, to your question— What are my thoughts on using contraceptive methods to ease periods and hormones in vulva owners?

Before I give you my two cents, I want to preface by saying that everyone is different and what does and doesn’t work for me or you might be different for others. And that’s okay. ♥️

If you deal with harsh periods, excessive bleeding, hormonal headache, migraine, and more pain from your hormones as a vulva owner, I would absolutely recommend looking into and researching all your options. If an IUD or birth control pills are helpful, good, use that. Don’t be afraid to try it out. As long as you are being safe, don’t hold back.

Personally, I have migraine, and my neurologist recommended I get a hormonal IUD to try and balance my hormones better. Since getting my IUD, I don’t bleed, I don’t cramp, and my migraine episodes have gone down. It has worked wonders for me, and I am extremely grateful that I took the leap and did it.

Don’t feel stupid, sweetheart. This is all extremely valid. I have questioned all of this in my life as well. You are valid. Your feelings are valid. Your experiences are valid. You aren’t being dramatic. Advocate for yourself, speak up!

I am touched that you reached out to me about this, sweet thing… 🥰 Thank you, truly. I wasn’t uncomfortable at all, and I loved answering and giving my thoughts. I hope to hear from you again soon! Have a lovely day/night!! 💞💞💞

Talk with Me ❤️‍🔥