#old but not dead yet and GOING TO VOTE as should you all.

[4pfsukuna]

Kings get jealous too

Yall voted and honestly the thought of Jealous!sukuna was tooooo good to not write. Reader is black (happy black history month btw). Sukuna does not like to share… or have anyone touch whats his why would a king have to?

The vibrations of my phone for the 3rd time was finally begining to annoy me so with eyes still closed i reach around the bed only to slap something warm and firm.

“Still here sweetheart” i hear the raspy voice of sukuna i dont need to look at him to know hes smirking and my eyes shoot open making direct eye contact.

Finally reaching for my phone hoping to get some sort of clarity i see 100 missed calls, 43 text messages, 17 instagram post. The safest option was to go through my messages as i try to gain memory of why this idiot was in bed next to me.

“Oh sweetheart do you not remember?” He chides cockily and i sit up seeing a picture that nearly killed me. My tongue out… against Sukunas sternum in a secluded corner of the club with him smirking devilishly at me and the next of him carrying me out his hands firm on my ass.

The club.

The club!

Housing yuji had been no problem at all, owing a favor to Gojo i was glad when this was all he needed. Yuji itadori was sweet kind always cleaned after himself and was a genuine pleasure to have around even cooking when away on missions.

The issue? The fact that he was a vessel for a 1000 year old king of curses that was a complete pain in the ass who gets a thrill out of you especially finding out i was kazumi Honoka and had i not resented my family could easily match Gojo or top him . The Honoka clan known for the most powerful flame and fire weilding sorcerers every few generations, squeaky clean image rich and arrogant just as the other powerful clans.

“Sukuna the only reason your not dead is because i havent found a way to exercise you from yuji i know for a fact i could kill you” i seethe only to be met with silence. I hated being ignored and he would do it on purpose as if his pathetic ass being housed by a child was better than me. Growling i pull a dagger from my waist band and swing it at Yuji necks who looks at me in fear but Sukunas mouth breaks through his neck biting the dager making it crumble into a million pieces as if it was nothing more than a cracker.

“You dont even know how to fully weild your cursed energy sweetheart, i could have you dead in 10 seconds and with the remaining 9 dance over your corpse” his mouth cackles from the side of Yujis neck.

This was a typical tuesday morning for us.

“Yet you’re only a pathetic excuse of what you used to be. King of curses yet you’ve been trapped inside of yuji for years how lame” i degrade a sneer on my face as i adjust my shirt.

“I— should we do something about this” Megumi ask from next to Nobara on the couch who looks concered and ready to break us up but not sure how plates of breakfast getting cold. It wasnt even 11am yet.

“No. This is a typical Tuesday it’s kind of like foreplay for them. Usually she ignores him or teases back unless she had a difficult mission” Yuji informs them before shoving another pancake in his mouth and of course he noticed the differences in our interactions i was the only one Sukuna really interacted with anyway.

“How was it?” Nobara looks at me and i sigh. I nearly died because i lost my footing tripping over my own tube of fenty lip gloss, how could i ever admit that.

“Pffft, struggling with a puny curse yet you think you could take me on? You make me laugh, brat” and thats what makes me lose it and ignite the fire flames on my hands my eyes matching as i do cause a groan from Yuji.

“I havent even finished breakfast yet can i atlea—“

I cut him off.

“Release him” i fume cracking my knucles making the flames bigger my breakfast completely forgotten about.

“Yeah release me brat so i can finally have my moment with her” he snaps back at yuji and this time I smirk the fire on my hands dulling.

“If thats what you wanted that’s all you had to say, it’s childish to be mean to a girl you like. Unfortunately you’re not my type” i grin patting Yuji cheek where Sukunas mouth was only to feel his sharp teeth nip at my hand.

“Youre nothing like the women i had keeping my bed warm just like you’re silly little technique you wouldnt know what to do with me” he chides back the two on the couch getting whiplash from how fast our conversation changes and how quick our comebacks are for another.

“See, foreplay” Yuji utters to them as he finishes his plate of pancakes satisfied with his belly being full leaning back on his seat.

“Well we were going to celebrate you getting back and figure you could use a night out since returning from your mission, but it looks like you definitely need it” Megumi speaks up motioning between myself and Yuji.

————————————————————-

Giggling with Nobara as we take a 6th shot of casamigos to see who would tap out first watching a woman try to flirt with  Megumi who's completely oblivious or just awkward at flirting.

“What's the deal with you and Sukuna? Girl to girl like i didn't even know he spoke unless he had full control” she prys bumping my shoulder which i roll my eyes at.  “Please Yuji told me how he always has an eye on you, always ask about you when you're not around and flirts with you relentlessly”

“He also pesters me” i add sipping the lemon drop the bartender placed infront of us mentioning it was on the house.

“Anything to keep your attention” she smirks while taking another shot. “It’s why he’s taken over Yuji yet instead of burning the entire world down he’s watching you”.

And he is, black tattoos adorned his body as he sits on the sofa eyes piercing through the crowd focused directly on me. Maybe it was the curiosity maybe it was the alcohol but i was tempted to test her theory. 

Swiping another coat of lipgloss over my lips and adjusting my shirt so my boobs were perked up with a quick hair fluff i turn to the guy at the end of the bar Whos been covering our tab for drinks.

“Hello handsome” i grin taking the stool next to him watching the instant lust build in his eyes. I could still

Feel his eyes on me and its only right to give him a show.

The man on the stool looks over at me, double taking before adjusting his posture to give me his full attention.

“My my tonight must be my lucky night an angel like you gracing me with your presence” he praises the strong smell of alcohol on his breath as he twirls one of my dark curls around his finger releasing it with a spring.

“Move” and Sukunas glare is deadly biceps rippling under the club light his shirt long gone.

“Hey pal” the man says setting a hand on Sukunas shoulder unaware of just what was about to happen and i couldnt even warn him my eyes never left the king of curses. 

Without breaking eye contact he grabs the mans hand crushing it the sound of bones crushing couldn’t be hidden by the loud music but i still could only focus on sukuna.

“Wipe the smug look off your face” he grumbles stepping closer the heat of his body rolling off onto me.

“Lord Sukuna, king of curses the almighty and powerful isnt… jealous?” I giggle watching as he takes the shot left behind by the man scowling as he takes the shot next to it as well.

“Dont humor me, he was weak and undeserving. Plus if something happened to you Yuji would never shut up” he… rambles? Oh he was so jealous. Fire literally comes out of my hand unless that man controlled water and in copious amount what harm would he truly bring me.

 “So if i were to go home with him and sleep with him you wouldnt be jealous in the slightest? And i mean hours of letting him have his way with me—“ to which he scoffs rolling his eyes in disgust.

Sukuna wasnt a man of many words more so action so i could talk all i wanted but the best reaction id get was from action. And i knew just how to pull it from him.

“Not even if i did this?” I ask but before he has a chance i bend down coming eye level with his abdomen and drag my tongue from the begining of the black mark to where it ends on his chest smirking when i come eye level with him watching as something dark ignites in his eyes.

___________________________________

When we get home theres not a surface left untouched that he doesnt have me against. Pressing me into the front door as he bites down my neck licking and sucking over my pulse.

“Suk—mmmm” the moan comes out of me as he tugs on my earlobe with his mouth his hands feeling like hot fire on my body. He begins to pull me further in but i pull back giggling at his look of dissatisfaction. 

“I gotta take m’shoes off” im sure i slur my words slightly only to be picked up and placed on the top of the black velvet couch my feet on the seat cushion giving him easier access. Im shocked by how gentle he is untying the straps from around my calfs before he gets frustrated ripping them off.

“SUKUNA!” I yell watching the coy smirk on his face and he leaves a kiss on my calf.

“Whaaaat?” Before another kiss is placed on my knee followed by my inner thigh and right when i think hes going to go under my skirt he switches to my other leg the warmth spreading in my core and i wanted him to stop teasing. 

“Sukuna” i groan but it instead comes out as a sigh feeling his thumbs massage into my inner thigh extremely close to my core as i feel his breath over my underwear.

“Tell me.” He grunts against my core the vibrations shaking my whole insides and maybe my body was just sensitive to him because i could definitely cum just like that. “Tell me what i want”

And hes placing kisses over my pussy through my underwear moaning and something about him wanting me so bad he would kiss me through my underwear turned me on even more. I’m sure he could tell because its not long before his tongue is poking at the sides making me shiver.

“Give me what i want” i counter to prideful to beg alcohol be damned the arrogant grin on his face doesnt budge as he pulls me down so im on the seat easily throwing my legs over his shoulders. Long fingers brush my wet folds as he hooks his finger in my underwear, a lewd comment about me being so wet for him my thongs were clinging to it in a way his tongue would replace.

And hes not lying, he places one long lick from my hole all the way up to my clit, a light swirl around before placing a peck and I feel electric. My head luls back as he uses two fingers to spread my lips open giving easier access to my clit which he sucks kisses licks and moans against.

“Fuck” he groans against it placing a wide open mouth tongue kiss on my pussy and i arch into him? Away? Im not sure my eyes slam shut when i realize hes kissing my pussy the same way he was kissing me against the door and the pure lewdness of his mouth being full of me. The wet smacking sounds were being drowned out by my moans and cries of his name and with a particular flick of his tongue on my clit i launch forward squeezing my thighs around his head which seems to entertain more than bother him.

“Eyes on me” he moans against me tapping my thighs twice and i couldnt even remember shutting them. His lips apply more pressure as my hands get lost in his hair holding him in place which seems to egg him on his motions becoming filthier with every flick of his tongue.

He pushes me back before his wide palms squeeze my thighs grunting as he continues his assault licking me in ways that would leave a mark on my mind before tongue-fucking me which is what sends me into the spiral of cuming for the first time. (And embarassingly fast)

“So delicious” he murmurs licking up every drop and i can feel my heart pounding in my ears as i try to catch my breath. It took him less than five minutes to have me in a puddle, figuratively and literally and my brain scrambled. 

Pulling me forward by my chin he places an aggressive kiss on my lips leaving me dizzy as i taste myself on his lips until he quickly pulls back standing up beckoning me to follow him.

“We need to get you to bed” he speaks and i miss the taunt in his voice taking it as being scolded instead which makes me stop the cold of the hallway floor settling on the pads of my feet.

“What?!” I snap and he raises a brow facing me the taunt evident on his face.

“Unless you want something from me, tell me sweetheart” And it’s nothing more than an attempt to get me to beg but i was entirely not going to. I would never, no matter how mad i wanted him to rearrange my insides.

“No?” He ask cupping my jaw roughly his thumb grazing my bottom lip rubbing the juices on my lip— the moment he fucks up.

Using my tongue to wrap it arround his thumb before sucking it into my mouth watching the desire come full force in his eyes. I release it with a small pop sound a string of saliva connecting his finger to my lip his eyes never moving from it.

“I mean i know you like when i lick your marks up your chest but what about down?” I whisper before my tongue drags down the black lines down to the waist band of the pants pulling them down watching his dick spring out yet the weight, length and girth stops it from springing completely against his abdomen. 

My mouth waters at the sight and i feel myself sink down to my knees keeping eye contact wrapping my acrylic fingers around it. Theres a drip of precum as i slowly begin to pump that i chase with my thumb smearing it against the tip.

Removed from my trance i feel his large hand cup my jaw roughly and the other replace my hand over his length giving a few slow pumps so i eagerly stick out my tongue knowing exactly what he wants to do.  He taps it on my tongue twice before slowly pushing it in my mouth keeping direct eye contact the whole time listening to the way his breath stops as he hits the back of my throat. He feels heavy in my mouth in the most delicious way causing me to moan and give a slight suck.

Its the soft groan that he makes that encourages me to take control pulling back slighty before pushing him all the way down my throat one hand at the base making a twisting motion while the other massages his balls this time earning a “fuck baby” and i almost tease him about it but my mouth was… full.

Pulling back once more for air i swirl my tongue around the tip collecting every drop of precum before licking my way down to his balls and taking them in my mouth. His leg twitches and his eyes are on me with a blown eyed gaze as i swish them around my mouth sending him a wink the smirk coming back.

“Youre such a— fuck… brat taking my dick like this in the…” he stops for a second going to reach for my hair and i almost send a glare until i realize hes just moving it off my shoulders. Hollowing my cheeks and sucking hes brought back to his words. “In the hallway, so hungry for me arent you” he growls 

Moving my mouth back onto his length taking him 4 more times down my throat my hand replacing where my mouth previously was before continuing a bobbing motion. The pace of my bobbing matching the pace of my hand twisting before his hands start caressing my cheeks using it as leverage.

“Such a good girl” he begins stuttering eyes rolling back head falling against the wall. His hips began moving and im not even sure he realizes it and hes fucking my face at a quick pace muttering words in a language that i couldnt identify— maybe something prehistoric.

“Throat so.. mmf… so good, such a good brat. FUCk” he growls when i gag but doesnt stop for a second just continues his rambling. “My brat, youre taking every inch so fucking… so fucking” he holds my head in place as if hes trying not to cum to quick.

Shit thats exactly what hes doing!

Tapping his thigh to gain his attention, the same way he did to me I internally smirk the moment his eyes meet mine and I know exactly what kind of thing would make him release. Slowly pushing down until my nose hits his pelvis as I pull back I give him the longest blink I can exaggerate without looking crazy letting the tears prick my eyes without falling giving the base of his dick and balls a slight squeeze moaning the entire time.

“You fucking demon— nnghhhh”he moans as ropes of his cum shoot down my throat his hips twitching as he holds me in place trying to keep his eyes on me. after hes satisfied everydrop is in my mouth not a single one gone to waste He finally lets my face go before im being pulled up by the front of my shirt. His lips are on mine as hes groping me like my clothes dont exist his hands running all over my body pulling me in closer. 

His tongue swirls in my mouth and its like a mix of both of us before i playfully bite down on his bottom lip feeling him harden against my hip making me grin. He likes it rough i could be as rough as i wanted and hed probably just love it even more.

My legs wrap around his waist the moment he picks me up walking the rest of the way to my room and placing me on the bed pulling me shirt over my head and to inpatient for my skirt and underwear he rips them off. Climbing over me he places a few teasing bites up my neck marking up what hadn't already been marked before pulling back slightly to line himself up with my entrance.

I assume hes going to tease but the squelch and sudden burn of him pushing in makes the corner of my eyes prick with tears only brought back by the sounds of his grunts.

“And you fucking thought id let you go hone with another man and hed have this view of you cock drunk already and all ive done was slide halfway in” he chuckles darkly and i look at where we are connected.

HALFWAY?

“Eyes on me brat” and my leg is thrown over his shoulder before he leans forward giving me a bruising thrust. Well clearly i bit off more than i could chew. His thrust are fast and heavy but not painful. He rolls his hips and my hands fly up to his chest.

Hold on what was this. He sends a handful more thrust just like that with the same force… no not force pressure and i can feel my mouth watering. These werent the quick hard and fast strokes i was expecting. Sure they were rough but—

His large hand throws my other leg over his shoulder pulling a high pitched moan from me and he was entirely to deep inside of me. Its a particular thrust that hits a spot deep inside of me causing my eyes to cross and i nearly push him off of me had it not been for our position.

“Ahhhh looks like i found that sweet spot” he taunts thrusting into it again and i bite my bottom lip trying to hold in the moans. “Cute attempt” and before i could ask what he means he leans forward so were chest to chest and if he wasnt deep before he definitely was now.

“Fuck” he growls against my ear continuing his assault my eyes only catching the way every muscle ripples in his back. He was making his mark and not just sucking and biting but engraving his self in my memory. Every thrust every roll of his hips its like he was trying to make sure i wouldnt forget drunk or sober. Its slight caresses that turn to grips, hip rolls that turn to strong thrust that rattle my whole body bites thats followed by his tongue flicking over them.

The orgasm begins to build and i feel the wetness already sliding down making him grunt picking up the pace. 

“S-sukuna!” It rocks through me before i have time to warn him but he doesnt stop just continues to fuck me through it his chuckles a distant thought it my head.

“You were so jealous” i mutter through heavy pants the only thought i could hold onto before he's pulling out and i'm flipped onto my stomach his length pushed back in this time his hand snaking under me to play with my clit his strokes different this time. 

His fingers are going fast yet his strokes are slow are taunting his balls slapping against me the contrast sends me into another orgasm my brain telling me to fight back. 

“The next time you think IM jealous of another man some puny mortal remember i can make you cum in 30 seconds” he grunts in my ear and i know theres a glare on his face. But he doesnt stop he alternates the pace of his fingers and thrust making me moan out trying to hold back long forgotten.

“You look so delicious” he moans and the sound has my toes curling. He drops half of his weight on me as his other hand comes around grabbing my neck lifting me up so I can see our reflections in the mirror. His maroon eyes were dark and getting darker with lust as we made eye contact through the mirror and for a second my mind turns to mush the only thought was how good he felt with every thrust and pinch of my clit.

“Look at you… fuck falling apart under me” he grunts a smile building on his lips before he licks them gripping tighter on my neck. “You look so perfect taking my cock like this. Getting so… youre making such a mess on me. Youre pussy is so tight and warm and the way youre clenching when i talk… shit. You must like my voice” his grin grows and i look away but the way i clench around him gives me away im sure.

His hand moves from my clit leaving three stinging SMACKS. His grip grows tighter on my throat forcing me to look at him again in the mirror, his hand squeezing over my cheeks.

“Sukuna” i snap or try to but it only comes out as a stuttering moan which satisfies him. 

“Don't look away” he growls and when hes sure im not going to try again he places his hand back on my clit.

“Im not jealous,” he tries to prove his point but it was lost on me i didnt even care i was in complete bliss.

“I can fuck you better than him. He was just going to turn into a boy and jackrabbit you. He wouldnt know what to do with all the woman you are. Me…JEALOUS? No im leaving my mark youre going to remember every touch, lick, bite, shit and thrust. Thats real punishment. Ruining you for every man after me. They couldnt fuck you like this” he rants a deranged look in his eyes before his speed increases and of course.

He wasnt some 20 something year old guy he was a 1000 year old curse with years of experience in torture. Brute force was a mere quick thing and nothing about this was quick.

“Sukuna im going to…” i whine kicking my legs feeling the pressure build up and it was becoming to much for me. I try to thrust back to push him off but that sinister smile grows the widest ive ever seen and instead he pulls me to my knees by my hip. It instead becomes leverage as he uses his other hand to push my back down creating an arch as his pace comes to the fastest its been all night finally pushing in all the way the tip hitting the spot that made my eyes cross again.

“Oh… OH” he chuckles as he watches my fist curling in the blankets the moans no longer quiet but loud screams im sure my neighbors would complain about tomorrow but i couldnt care. 

“Feels good doesnt it, i should make you beg to cum, i should edge you. I shouldnt even.. fuck.. youre lucky youre so pretty i shouldnt even let you cum for even entertaining him. Were you trying to piss me off?” He growls but it all falls on deaf ears. My own shrieks of pleasure are the only thing i can register.

“But since youre here… under me and that stunt you pulled? At that silly little club? Ill be nice just this once brat.” He moans his thrust becoming sloppy as if the thought of me licking him turns him on. 

“Cum for me” he pinches my clit sending me into my demise the hot ropes of cum from him shooting inside of me as his grunts get louder while he rides out our orgasms. 

“Good girl” is the last thing i hear before darkness takes over.

_________________________

Sukuna isnt prepared to glance at the clock at 4:37am. Sure he wasnt fully sleep but being prepared for the brown skinned fire sorceress to wake him up 10 minutes ago for another round was the last thing he expected.

Sukuna loved every second of it. She wasnt like past women who wanted to made sure they just pleased him oh no she wanted to conquer him.  find every kink, every sensitive spot any twist of her hips or clutching of his core that made him putty for her and exploit it. Biting him, sucking on his neck, hair pulls and even slight chocking— ok it was nothing slight about it at all, even when she pins his arms above his head he was losing his senses because everything was her.

She had the audacity to try this and look so fucking good doing it. It was no longer him fucking her but dhe was fucking him and damn did it feel good. She was marking him every inch of his body stating her claim and he nearly felt pride, his brat, fuck did she know how to get him going. So prideful she wouldnt even cum again until he did even if that means he did have to snake one of his hand down to pinch her clit watching her tears come down her face as she fights so strongly.

Sukunas proud and for a moments forget this isnt his body just a mere vessel but hes so proud of her he wants to drop his whole load and really claim her as his own but things are a bit complicated right now. But hes so prpud of her being so strong taking every inch and seeing the lengths of her stubotness but fuck does he want her to cum. He needs to feel the way she cums arounds him and watch as the cream builds up at where their bodies meet, he needs to see that pure look of bliss and feel the desperation as her body clings to his. But he can talk her through it.

“H-hey sweetheart, look at me” he growls angry she had him stuttering and with a sharp thrust upward to meet hers she whines looking down at him.

“What?! Y-youre —-mmmm fuck… youre fucking up my pace” she seeethes through clutch teeth pulling roughly on the hair at the nape of his neck his moans unable to be hid at the pure pleasure.

“Sorry sweetheart” he falsely apologized repeating the thrist again feeling her clench. “Just wanna say youre doing so good, taking me dick so good just like you should” he sits up watching as she adjust using his shoulders for leverage.

“Listen to it… every sound, squelch— youre gripping me soooo tight. I could fuck you all night, loose myself in it. Its so wet and warm and your taking every inch like a good brat for me, my brat” he breathes in her ear before bringing her jaw so theyre eye to eye once more.

“I cant wait to watch you cum for me again, make a mess all over your dick.” He tells her watching as she tries to close her eyes and he sends another rough thrust forcing her eyes back open.

“You have 5 seconds to give it all to me” he tells her darkly left hand going to her clit as a threat not rubbing or moving just pressing into her.

“4” and she presses her forehead against his

“3” he smirks as her hips become erattic the whimpers increasing from her mouth.

“Sukuna!” She snaps digging her nails into his back holding on tighter to him. He grins kissing the side of her head thumb not moving from her clit but pressing harder.

“2” and the wet sounds increase  letting him know he was more than capable of talking her… counting her through it.

“I hate you” she moans releasing all over him sending him into an orgasm as well thrusting his hips so they can both ride it through only stopping when he feels her body slump against his.

“I hate you so much” she speaks through ragged breaths as he leans back never pulling out and he chuckles kissing her head again pushing her hair out of her face.

_____________________________________

“So youre telling me…” i trail off completely speachless when all the memories from last night come back and i can feel everywhere he touched like it was burned into my skin.

His arms rest behind his head the holds that cocky smirk and lazy look in his eye as if i forgot his moans.

“You fucked me like that because you were jealous?” I giggle once more watching as his glare comes back

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for abandoning my party in the middle of a notoriously tough dungeon?

i (26m) was playing ffxiv and had just unlocked a new dungeon. all my friends were asleep and i was too excited to wait, so i decided to go against my social anxiety and run it with randos.

the scant handful times i'd run dungeons with randos before went great - earlier that day after another dungeon i'd even gotten player commendations from two of the players in a party i was healing for - so i was more or less confident this time would be fine as well.

boy oh boy was i wrong...

i got matched with three players we will simply call tank, healer, and dps (age and gender unknown for all three). i went in as a bard (all my other jobs were too underlevelled), filling the remaining dps role.

things went awry almost as soon as we set foot in that dungeon. i died in the first room to some enemies that aggro'd on me and ganged up on me. the rest of the party left the room pretty much immediately after all enemies were dead.

i politely asked to be resurrected, to which healer reluctantly complied. they told me to "just rez next time", which would've sent me to the beginning of the dungeon. in hindsight that would've prolly been fine since it was only the first room.

after i caught up to the others i once again got swarmed with monsters. this is gonna be a pattern if you couldn't tell. after i'd died to this pattern a couple times tank yelled at me for "constantly pulling everything ffs".

for those who don't know, tanks (at least in this game) have a special ability that basically acts as an aggro magnet. i have a strong suspicion tank wasn't using said ability considering how often i got swarmed, but we'll never know for sure.

now the mid boss was where it truly went to shit. no matter how much of a distance i kept from that damn thing, no matter how well i evaded its aoe attacks, i just kept dying over and over again. one time the rest of the party even got sent back somehow. i'm not sure how.

and why did i keep dying you may ask? because healer never healed me. not once after they resurrected me at the beginning did i notice my hp go up aside from when i used hi-potions or my one (1) healing spell, both of which have a very long cooldown. i think they were glued to tank the entire time, completely neglecting me and dps.

and yet, i was the one taking the blame for everything. for pulling the enemies tank should've pulled. for constantly dying, which i couldn't help because healer never once touched me after that first resurrection.

it was really starting to affect me so after i let my dead body be sent back to the beginning of the dungeon i finally put my foot down and left the dungeon. this disbanded the party, not only kicking everyone from the dungeon, but likely also penalizing all 4 of us because of my actions.

i will clarify that this wasn't just any old dungeon; it was aurum vale. it's a dungeon you need to be at least level 47 for. while i don't know much about it myself, judging by the way my friends talk about it the semi-universal verdict is that it sucks major balls. it' would's not be a fun dungeon to have to redo, that's for sure.

i was on the verge of tears for well over 30 minutes afterwards, both from the emotional afterquakes of fear and anger but also from the guilt of abandoning these people like that.

so, am i the asshole? am i too sensitive? should i just have sucked it up and kept going?

tldr; i felt like my party of randos were blaming me for being the weakest link while doing their own jobs poorly, and decided to prioritize my own feelings by leaving the dungeon, dissolving the party and forcing the others to start all over again

Oh no. Oh honey. I am so sorry Aurum Vale is just like that. I'm gonna put the poll here and some extra INFO/advice under a readmore because it's a bit long, but please read on before voting.

First: don't let leaving bother you too much, it didn't kick everyone from the dungeon, that's not how it works. If one person leaves, the queue just refills the party with a new person and the dungeon continues like normal, or everyone else now has the option to leave without penalty.

Aurum Vale's first room is a motherfucker--basically it's an older design with lots of wandering monsters, so on the first room especially you need to hug the left hand wall as tight as you can to aggro as little as possible. Let the tank go first and grab aggro on mobs. Don't pull for the tank, especially at this level range. Let them do their job. I can't say for sure whether they had their aggro-generating stance on, could go either way, but I can see why they got annoyed at someone pulling stuff they weren't ready for yet. While wall-to-wall pulling is pretty standard in this game, that's the tank's call to make, not the dps's--and some of these older dungeons with funky level syncing or enemy pacing make wall-to-walling more difficult and not for everyone.

(BTW, as an aside, tank stance works as a personal buff, not a magnet--they do still need to hit things to grab their aggro, sometimes more than once if someone else has already established on them. If they already have a pack they're working on and you grab something way on the other side of the room, you'll have to bring it over to them so they can take it off you!)

If you do die to mobs between bosses, sometimes the best thing to do is just release and respawn! If you get a rez, you'll have a debuff that makes you weaker for a while. Definitely if it's the very first room, releasing is the move most of the time.

As for dying to bosses: was it definitely the mid boss, the cyclops? Because the other two (the plant and the morbol) both have mechanics that make you take slow damage over time unless you eat a fruit to get rid of it. You want to eat a fruit every 2-3 stacks of the debuff that you get because that's where the damage starts to get more severe; before then, the healer can probably handle you.

Basically, it seems like this party mistook inexperience for malice and was rude to you in response. Not healing you, for example, is absolutely inexcusable. You did some things suboptimally that made the dungeon harder for the group, but honestly we were all there once, don't let it get to you too much. Try it again with your friends bearing the stuff I mentioned in mind, and it'll go much better! But as an aside it SUCKS to heal, if you have a more experienced friend you should let them handle it haha

[fractiflos]

I've decided to do the thing where I put a poll up of my wips and write however many sentences that wip gets. BUT! These wips aren't even published yet. I like to put something up then come back to it later so I can at least take the pressure off myself. Because the pressure of getting a first chapter out makes it difficult to write.

Jult - Inspired by a conversation me and my sister had in a shoe store. We were wondering if Best Jeanist ever put a J at the front of words (ex: Jhe Jaghetti jas jood) and if he owned jean themed items like a Jable and Jhair. Then I learned there was a jult around him and thought "hey, what if he had a Jult in canon universe?" which is what happened. Although, this one is a one-shot.

Snippet: The parents would leave the hospital as confident and reassured as new parents could be, doing their best to make sure their child grew up happy and healthy. His blond hair grew out and took on a shine along with his oddly long lashes, and his green eyes always sparkling, much like his mother’s. Yet, despite his healthy look and appetite, there was something worrying about him. 

He only liked denim. 

Shigaraki - Frankenstein AU! Where AFO brings Yoichi back to life, Frankenstein style. And what luck, Yoichi appears to have lost his memories, leaving him with the opportunity to create the perfect little brother. When Second and Third find out, they try and get his memories back. But there's something that all four of them don't know. That's. Not. Yoichi.

Snippet: It was not a dark day when Yoichi died. It was sunny and there was not a cloud in the sky, though they couldn’t tell as they ran through the sewers like frightened rats. Hearts pounding in their ears, terror palpable in the air. 

Ice King AU - The AU where everyone was born earlier into the Age of the Dawn of Quirks. Second and Third are brainwashed and work for AFO while Yoichi has become unrecognizable to everyone ever since putting on the quirked crown that gave him the ice powers. Meanwhile, Izuku and Katsuki are unaware of his tragic backstory and beat him up everytime he kidnaps a hero.

Snippet: At twelve years old, Izuku Midoriya should have been in middle school cutting open a dead frog. Instead, he was battling against a very large, very alive frog with acid spit. 

Pokemon AU - Instead of quirks, they get pokemon. Izuku is still bullied for having an eevee that can't evolve. AFO and Garaki do all sorts of unethical experiments on pokemon. And it's really annoying how I can't type an accented "e" on my computer for some reason.

Snippet: Izuku Midoriya was 9 years old when he learned that not all Pokémon were treated equally. 

Death Tree - Are you in the market for a fic with lesbian duoholders? Another Victorian era AU, but this time Yoichi and Second are both girls. I thought about how easily AFO's possessiveness over Yoichi would translate over to the attitudes toward women. He'd still have to disguise how deep it goes, but even if he slips up every once in a while, no one would suspect anything. The actual plot is Yone falls in love with the daughter of the stable manager, and they eventually start a secret relationship. She also makes some friends in the small town that she lives near and is pretty happy. Then her friends start dying. Looks like they're going to regret not paying more attention to AFOs behavior.

Snippet: Yone was thirteen years old the first time she met the girl. Her wild hair was a flame in the summer sun, freckles scattered across her cheeks in a way that was reminiscent of the stars in the sky and calculating ruby eyes. She couldn’t help her staring, not used to seeing someone display such blemishes so freely. 

[oc-tournaments]

ROUND TWO - MATCH 6

SALVANAN vs JOSEPH

SALVANAN: @the-demoness-next-door

JOSEPH: @cowsandcrows

VOTE BASED ON THE INFORMATION BELOW CUT!!

Propaganda Content Warnings: Abuse, manipulation, suicidal thoughts for SALVANAN. Mention of terrorism for JOSEPH.

SALVANAN:

PROPAGANDA: this poor man. buckle in, you have a LONG one coming. he's very old, he's the god of plants + the earth and he's great i love him but man i have not been nice to him. so. way early in his life, he had a very sweet boyfriend named azyll along w lots of mutual friends. except oops, sal developed chronic anxiety and depression and decided that he did not think he would be good for azyll and broke it off w him. it was amicable but it still sucks. fast forward a bit, one of the friends in their circle, jekath, is being manipulated and hurt for no reason and sal knows but for magic reasons he's incapable of telling anyone, just has to watch. and then he eventually has to watch jekath finally snap under the pressure and betray them all and go evil. no bueno. so he spends a long time feeling terrible and eventually he plans to just. yknow. off himself. but oh surprise this little boy named safari shows up in his garden! and he's like well shit guess im a dad now. and he loves this little boy very much. it's good times! except when he's a teenager two of the little boy's biological brothers drop him off a cliff and nearly kill him, which is, yknow, terrifying. that's his son! his son was almost murdered! no! bueno! anyway, azyll's mortal so eventually he dies of old age, now sal's even sadder. least he's still got his other friends and safari but Man. anyway fast forward again, whole world is at war. and his two best friends, arona and morana, both die in it. but if that was not bad enough, arona was killed by jekath. you know, the old friend that was abused and eventually betrayed them all. so the friend he felt like he failed has now murdered one of his best friends. and his other best friend is ALSO dead. things are just going Great. flash forward another little while and his goddaughter's husband, sibrum, goes evil against his will too. he's known sibrum since he was a kid so now he's got ANOTHER person he felt responsible for gone evil against their will. then sibrum's daughter dies. are you seeing a pattern yet. anyway, sibrum soon kills jekath so now sal feels like he's double failed both of them and also even MORE of his original friends are dead now. so he is trying So Hard to relax! but then safari is turned into a terrible person against his will too! and because they were so so close for so so long they end up in a toxic dynamic instead of cutting each other off. sal finally figures out how to break the spell on safari and it's all Okay Now (they're both traumatized and it's definitely not okay). he gets to relax for only a brief time before his other child's son, volta, has a villain arc too. and what happens? you guessed it! sal tries to stop him and help him and he's not able to. and feels like he failed someone AGAIN. yeah this just happens over and over through the course of his life. he's so tired and sad man

THEME SONG:

JOSEPH:

PROPAGANDA: Hes a military captain (sheltered idiot). WAAYYYY too trusting and falls in love with someone who turns out to be a terrorist they need to kill. they decide to trust this person instead and repeatedly get used and betrayed (3 betrayals because i love religious connotations). they will never be happy despite how much they want to be because he finds it hard to change (he's always so close to figuring it out but his circumstances won't let it happen. hes too stubborn cries). HES A DANDY PATHETIC BITCH. hes too gay for this world. every time he trusts someone its the wrong decision and every time he decides not to, he should have. tragic inevitability ect. love him <3

THEME SONG:

[alwayschasingrainbows]

I am a bit shy to post this poll, but also, very curious about your opinion, so here we go.

After reading the Finnish sequel to Emily of New Moon series, and comparing it to the later Anne books, another question came to my mind:

(the "Emilia Kent - Runotytön tarina jatkuu" by Satu Koskimies and Vilja-Tuulia Huotarinen spoilers under the cut - as well as the origins of this question and my own opinion):

Thank you all for voting!!! I really appreciate each one of your answers ❤.

The origins of the question (and spoilers of a Finnish sequel!) under the cut:

SPOILERS for Emily's sequel (my opinion is beneath the summary):

It was a quite important issue in the Finnish sequel. Emily was very apprehensive when it came to an eventual motherhood. It was stated multiple times that she had no maternal instinct whatsover (very Rilla-like). She didn't want to sacrifice her writing - and she felt that she would have to, if she had children. One of the things she was dealing with in this sequel was writer's block - she found it very difficult to write. Thankfully, she overcame the issue and wrote another novel, at the end of the story. Emily was not exactly against having children (more like, resigned "If they come, there is nothing to be done"), but she certainly was not excited about the idea, unlike Anne.

Emily went as far as telling an annoying reporter that she and her husband were NOT going to have any children. Teddy, on the other hand, was described as wanting a family (which, for a short time, was a bit of a sore issue between them).

Emilia Kent - Runotytön tarina jatkuu takes place during the first two (?) years of Emily and Teddy's marriage. They don't have any children during this time - yet the narrative suggests that Emily is pregnant during the last two chapters (nothing is said straight-forwardly, though).

END OF THE SPOILERS for Emily's sequel.

My opinion:

I personaly have trouble picturing these two as parents. They seem far too invested into their work to find time for their eventual children.

On the other hand, LMM herself wanted children - and it was quite difficult to prevent pregnancy at these times (not impossible, of course, but difficult). Usually, marriage meant having children.

Also... Rilla, who did not like babies, couldn't help loving little Jims. We learn from "The Blythes Are Quoted" that she and Ken had, indeed, become parents to young Gilbert Ford.

Rilla's maturation is partly described via taking care of her war baby - as if to say that even people who seemingly had no parental instinct, could grow to love a child (it is not exactly true in a real world, but LMM seems to use this trope rather often; Aunt Elizabeth with Juliet and Emily, Marilla with Anne and the twins, Andrew Stuart with Jane, etc).

Also, this paragraph from Emily's Quest suggests that Emily might have wanted children at the end of the story:

"Daff," she said, "there is an old fireplace in that house—with the ashes of a dead fire in it—a fireplace where pussies should bask and children dream. And that will never happen now, Daff, for Mabel Geordie doesn't like open fireplaces—dirty, dusty things—a Quebec heater is so much warmer and more economical."

Emily's dreams are connected to the Disappointed House - I always felt that she talked about her feelings there - but that is very far-stretched and the only thing that might suggest something.

So, if I were to answer my own question: I would probably say: either none, either 1 or 2. I definitely don't see her as having a big family.

I am very curious about your thoughts!!!! Sorry for the long post.

[oneeyedoctogod]

Here late, but better late than never! For this WIP Wednesday, since the poll ended with a majority for me sharing my original writing as well (thank you everyone who voted!), have a little of an old(ish) WIP of mine where I wanted to experiment with second person POV. This isn't quite the beginning, but almost (although I should rework it probably. Starting with a dream is quite cliche :P)

--

You wake up.

You gasp, eyes blurry from tears — or is it sweat? You can’t tell, but it feels disgusting, like it always does after one of those nightmares. You rub your eyes, then keep your face buried in your hands, feel a sob stuck in your throat block your breathing. You try to force it out and cough, swallow back bile. You hate waking up. You want to run, like you did back then. But you’re stuck in your bedroll, having twisted it all around you before going to sleep because you knew how you’d react if you had a bad dream.

You’ve been having them for a while after all.

You force yourself to count your breaths, to calm yourself down. To come back to reality. Put your hands down in your lap and open your eyes.

(one, inhale)

You see your camp in front of you. The dying embers from your fire, the rest of your dinner scattered carelessly around it. Your backpack is right beside you, in case you need to leave quickly (in case your pursuers catch up to you). The river isn’t far and you itch to go wash your face but first — first this. The sky is still dark, although you can’t see the moon anymore. Your hands are clenched in your bedroll.

(two, exhale)

You force your hands to relax, to touch first the rough texture of the bedroll, then the soft grass around it. You blindly move them around, eyes staring at the sky, and feel something cold and hard — a rock. No wonder your back hurts, then. Then, slowly, you raise them to bring them to your face once again, rub your eyes once more. Carefully this time. Purposefully. Your skin feels hot to the touch, and wet.

(three, inhale)

Your breathing is loud to your ears, too loud. An owl hoots not far away from you, makes you jump. The flow of the river is quiet, but you still manage to hear it.

(four, exhale)

The smell of the fire is still strong, even with only a few embers still alight. You’ll have to be careful when erasing your traces, to make sure no one can still smell it once you leave. Under the sharp smell of the embers is the scent of coming rain, the humidity in the air almost stifling. It will help mask your presence. Slowly, the tension from the nightmare fades, replaced by the one from being on alert.

(five, inhale)

Your tears taste salty, covering the bitterness of the bile you swallowed earlier. You blink, and more of them fall from your eyes. You can’t stop yet. You have to remember first. Sometimes, it feels as if you’re still stuck in a nightmare. As if you never left that house.

(six, exhale)

Your name is Altair. You are… eighteen? Probably. Maybe nineteen. You let out a bitter chuckle. You have been on the run for more than half of your life now.

(seven, inhale)

Your family is dead. You relive their death every night, sometimes more than once. A mob killed your mother, father and siblings. You managed to run, helped by the only friend you had left in your village.

(eight, exhale)

You ran to your grandmother’s house. Both of you left the same night, to settle somewhere else, in another village where no one knew you, where no one could suspect what you were. You got a few years of relative peace. But you weren’t far enough.

(nine, inhale)

Your new village heard about you — about the young fugitive who escaped from the Inquisition. You don’t know who told them, how the rumors reached them. They went after you once more. Your grandmother tried to stop them. She used forbidden magic, and so they burned her.

She cursed them in return though, her last revenge, her last protection. You heard her that night, and as far as you know, that village is now haunted by so many restless spirits it had to be abandoned. It feels like not enough.

You were twelve.

And now here you are, on the run since then.

(ten, exhale)

You close your eyes on the last exhale. That last nightmare — there was something different about it. Something… other. A voice, perhaps? You want to remember it, but no matter how hard you try, it slips through your fingers, like trying to catch mist.

[clevercorvidae]

I want to ask you something because I really enjoy having you on my dash, but I can't comprehend how can you support Hamas in this war.

I'm Israeli. I didn't choose to be born where I did. I'm so lucky I didn't live in the near border villages because if I had I would be dead today. 900 people murdered, beheaded, full families including their children shot on sight. I'm sorry if I'm being insensitive with my descriptions but I just have to make you understand, you know?

How can you still support them?

ok so. this is pretty old. over a month old now. i haven't checked my inbox in a hot second. so im gonna hope that you don't exactly hold this same position now. but i wanna make a few things crystal clear right now.

if i can accept that my country (the us) is a colonial, genocidal state that should not exist and that the land should be returned to the native peoples. if i can accept that my DIRECT ancestors displaced people from their land, killed them for their ethnicity and to make room for themselves, and condemn those actions without hesitation. even though they were facing religious persecution. even with pressure from the society around me and family members to either ignore these facts or to be proud of that ancestry. if i can do that, and i did it EASILY, then so can you. easily.

so lets start there, with that. if you can't accept even that, then i doubt you will be able to reach the level of humility you need in order to accept that you've fallen for some pretty damn intense propaganda surrounding the nature of hamas and the nature of this genocide and your place in it.

and i understand that youre very afraid, your government isn't exactly looking out for your safety very well either, colonial states are inherently unstable and their whole population suffers for its existence. because there is absolutely no way that israel will meaningfully gain from what theyre doing right now. especially not in the long run. but you gotta understand by now that the people in gaza are a hell of a lot more likely to die, be injured, or lose a family member than you are right now. perspective is sorely needed here.

now let me clear this up really quickly. i dont "support hamas". and i have never said i did. it concerns me very very deeply that you make this claim so matter of factly when all ive ever said is that i support palestine. hamas members are in microscopic numbers out of the whole of palestine and those that voted for them number to around 12% of the gaza population (if we're being very generous) due to the amount of children and young people in the gaza strip who either straight up weren't born yet or were below the age of majority during the election. thousands of these young people have been massacred. THOUSANDS who did absolutely nothing wrong besides being born. and it is this exact mindset, the one you showed here, the instinct to equate the entire ethnic group of palestinians with hamas, that has caused each and every one of those deaths. i do not say that lightly.

and i an going to be frank with you. we cannot pretend that this wasn't a last ditch effort. the people of palestine have been occupied by israel; oppressed, displaced, murdered, imprisoned, etc for 75 fucking years. thats a long ass time. you would be angry. you would be furious. and they fuckin tried too. they tried to peacefully march and were murderd, they tried to live their lives as best they could and got their houses were invaded, they were imprisoned without proper trial or reason. they tried existing as a multicultural, multi religious group of people and the israeli instigated extremism in muslim groups to make an easier target (yes they admitted to this).

i can tell you with 100% confidence that if something similar broke out in the us with indigenous people, i wouldn't hesitate for even a second in saying that its the fault of the us and that these people need freedom and their land back. that is the only route to a solution, period. fuck, im already saying it now. so im asking you and others who have similar thoughts, to consider for a moment, the people that you idly stomp on. and im asking you to consider untying your boots.

[critterfloozy]

A WIP Meme

@burningdarkfire tagged me! General idea is to let people vote on what I should write next. Only, I'm dead set on finishing my current WIP by the end of the year (and possibly doing a critmas exchange if it's happening), but after that:

Oh! I was supposed to tag people. Uh. Anyone who hasn't been tagged yet? Go forth, take this as permission. Use it for fiber arts or writing. Whatever you like.

[donnerpartyofone]

I'm so disoriented today I barely know what to do with myself. I managed to get myself up and put together enough to get some exercise and keep an appointment this morning, but the whole time it was happening I barely had any idea of what was going on. You'd think I'd have done some sort of heavy drug last night, but no such luck. I just caught myself pacing back and forth across the same 10' of floor for so long, now I'm making myself sit down and try to reconstruct what happened yesterday.

I woke up at 8:30 and, mistakenly thinking that mass was at 9 instead of 9:30, I managed to get dressed and ride a mile to Star of the Sea in 25 minutes. Pretty soon Louise joined me, the sweet old lady who gave me a Catherine Labouré medal and taught me to say the rosary. I didn't have any beads with me, and she lent me hers so we could say one together. I've come to really enjoy it, and not only because I'm intensely orally fixated and I enjoy talking and chanting and singing; when repeated over and over, some things lose meaning, while other things gain it. You say these words over and over and as your mind tries to escape boredom, you start to really think about the phrasing, what was originally meant by it, how it changes if you emphasize one thing over the other. "Mother of God" is an absolutely wild thing to say, a description of the creation of the creator, it's like a riddle that bends time, like in the Sun Ra song that says "It's after the end of the world, don't you know that yet?" The amazing monsignor gave a homily about how outsiders and people on the margins--people who do not have religious training or conservative social indoctrination--are more likely to apprehend spiritual messages with thoughtfulness and imagination than people who really consider themselves religious (and who may therefore take their own religion for granted, or think there's nothing they don't know about it), and I felt like he must have been speaking directly to me. That guy can make you feel like that.

But it was right before he began the service that I noticed I had an email from someone who I was sure was dead. An old friend of mine who had gotten a raw deal in life and who was always on the brink of oblivion, I gave him money or food whenever I could but we both knew he couldn't be my ward forever, when I stopped hearing from him I thought there was no possible way that he had physically survived another winter in the city. I felt guilty, I had nightmares, but what could I do? I sometimes thought about calling hospitals, but it didn't make any sense, I wasn't even sure if he would have ID if someone found him. But apparently his estranged brother took him in and turned him around and he's doing a lot better; an impossible outcome. I couldn't believe it.

After mass I dropped off some clothing with the drycleaner for repairs (I wish I knew how to do anything), and raced home to have a televisit with my doctor about all my weird problems. Renewed a script, discontinued a script, scheduled x-rays, got a physical therapy referral. Chose not to say, "That medication you put me on has permanently ruined my skin and now I'm chronically dependent on 3 other medications with less-bad side effects and I'm staring down the barrel of indefinitely regular $$$$ laser treatments so I can handle my increasingly public job, I know you didn't realize this would happen but it did, so now you have to hear about how angry I am." We hung up and I drew my ex-boss his annual (late) Halloween card, a tradition I instituted a couple years ago, and it should arrive at his assisted living facility in Utah in time for his birthday. Then I tried to vote, and apparently even though I changed my registration when we moved and I received a confirmation of this change in the mail, they still didn't have the change in the system and they told me to go to my old polling place instead. I swear to god the past like several times I have voted, which is the simplest process in the world as long as you can fill in a circle with a pen, I have found myself standing in the middle of a circle of people all telling me some complicated thing I did wrong while everyone else in the room stares at us. I don't know why I'm so bad at absolutely every single thing, or what planet I'm actually suited to live on, but I can reliably find a way to make even the most basic adult functions into a spectacular embarrassment.

So I ran home to host this month's online horror lecture for the little academic org I'm part of, which was kind of intense. It became clear pretty quickly that the speaker just didn't have that much material and was done with her presentation little more than half way through her time slot, so I had to keep her talking for another hour to honor what people had paid for. It was pretty fun and everyone seemed engaged and even inspired at times, but it was also a lot of work that I wasn't expecting to have to do, and I had my cantankerous boss chatting me the entire time with anxious-making criticisms and suggestions while I was just trying as hard as I could to think on my feet and give everyone what they were owed.

I was pretty frazzled after that and decided I'd have a drink after I went to vote. I had to do that almost all the way back in our old neighborhood, so I decided to pop into the brewery by our last place. I couldn't help eavesdropping on this guy with a horror-related shirt I didn't quite recognize. We connected briefly about the underrated Karloff-Lugosi movie THE BLACK CAT, and also about Emo Philips, and finally I thought to give him a business card with my horror org info because he seemed like the target audience for what we do. He looked at the card with this stunned expression and said, "Are you Claire Donner...party of one???" Like yeah, but...what was going on? What should I say? And he revealed that he was an old customer from the comic shop I worked at for years, where my boss was the guy I had just made the card for earlier in the day. He remembered everything about me; he immediately told several really funny stories about me, and he recalled all the books I made him read and how good they were. However it may sound there was nothing untoward about any of this and we would up talking for an hour or two about all kinds of things (including our spouses, so mercifully there was no ambiguity there). What a great guy. I'm hoping that we'll spot each other again, the whole episode was very amusing and surprising.

I got home too late to help my husband with dinner like I promised, but I had been in touch and he encouraged me to stay out and have fun. Thankfully I have been cooking more than I ever have in my life lately (most recently roasted cauliflower soup with a merguez crumble, that was decent) so I didn't have to feel too useless, all things considered. He made an astounding scratch mac and cheese and we watched 30 Coins and went to bed.

Often if I have too much social exposure, I really need to like sit alone in the dark for a couple of days and get back to myself. I have boundary issues and I easily feel contaminated, even if my experiences have been positive. I don't really have time to do that today, technically--I have to do a live interview on Friday with this author about his new book on HP Lovecraft's time in NYC and how it affected his creative development, and I have a lot of supplementary reading to catch up on--but for the moment I just can't even think about anything. I'm using a thesaurus to try to remember the most basic words and I feel like I've completely lost my center of gravity. Time to watch some trashy movies and rest up so I have enough powers of concentration to make the balsamic & feta veggie roast that I was supposed to make last night, to go with the fish my husband is frying up for our dinner.

[pluviophile-bookworm]

AJR lyrics which speak to my soul (in purely chronological order)

a.k.a. baring my soul into the void and finding an excuse to talk about my favourite band at the same time

When did all my friends turn into fake IDs and skinny jeans?/ I don’t belong

Sometimes I wonder if we matter at all/ if we’re not written down

And we’re just children in a world of diversion/ trying to stick it to the man before we’re grown

Like a flower sheltered in stone/ with no chance of regrowing

There’s a long day ahead/ she is lost in her bed

And why should I spend time running for my life?

I won’t forget you but I may/ forget your name

If the work gets me/ where I’m s’posed to be/ will I know I’ve made it then?/ It’s so hard/ Can we skip to the good part?

We said that we’d keep in touch/ and we did our best

Am I ready for love/ Or maybe just a best friend/ Should there be a difference?

I grew up on Disney/ but this don’t feel like Disney

I’m a little kid and so are you/ Don’t you go and grow up before I do

I thought I had the ADHD/ but that’s a real thing and I’m just lazy

Nobody knows my quirks/ cos I’m not famous, no

We’re standing, laughing at the disco ball/ like who’d invest in that if no one’s looking at it?

You haven’t got that far/ You can find a real job

Is it normal to stand here/ and wish that I was back at home?

My god, are you growing without me?/ Somebody help me

I’m kinda scared of graduation/ cos who am I when this is done?

I bet our parents always stay in love

We had to work a bit more hard/ only just to get a little bit less far

Can we keep my legos at home/ cos I wanna move out/ I don’t wanna move on

Life gives you lemons/ At least it gave you something

I was too worried how we’d end up/ I wasn’t looking and you grew up

Is this all that life’s about/ Trying to love how you turn out?/ I don’t love it much at all

Recently I’m thinking ‘bout my purpose on Earth/ but I don’t wanna think about my purpose no more/ cos it may come up short

I’ve been so good but it’s still getting harder/ I’ve been so good, where the hell is the karma?

Am I normal or not? Am I crazier than other patients?

I tripped on my ankle and fractured my elbow/ but doesn’t that mean that the tour’s gonna sell, though?

It could be passing/ Should I put eggs in more baskets?

They tell us to be different/ but no one told me I could go too far

They wanted heaven from me, I gave them hell/ Now they want something bigger, I’m overwhelmed

And I can’t be 18 my whole life/ But I’m too fucking young to feel so fucking old

It’s kinda funny how I keep debating/ if someone’s shy or if they hate me/ I feel like everyone I know right now is hooking up and getting wasted (without me)

Would you go running if you saw the real me?

It’s kinda funny how you vote for someone/ to vote for someone, to vote for someone

I worked really really really really hard, let me show you my play/ but I don’t wanna do it twice cos it’s not the same

I don’t ever think of you, I’ve got so much stuff to do/ Should have left you back at school/ Now, Joe, do you think I’m cool?

Put quinoa in my fridge, still I’m not feeling grown

The truth is that I’m screwed

I guess the last time you had any fun/ was way back when you weren’t anyone

Something’s wrong but I’m scared to look it up/ cos if I do that and no one has it/ I’ll feel so alone

Somewhere in the universe/ somewhere someone’s got it worse/ wish that made it easier/ wish I didn’t feel the hurt

And I don’t wanna cry no more/ so I set my bar real low

No, I ain’t happy yet but I’m way less sad

Well, I can’t fall asleep and I’m losing my mind/ cos it’s half past three and my brain’s on fire

And I’m trying too hard but I can’t not try

But I’m not dead yet, so I guess I’ll be alright

How lucky am I to have two things I love/ makes it that much easier to fuck it up

Am I talking too fast?/ I’m running on adrenaline and one-hour naps

I’m trying, trying, I can start Friday/ You’ve wasted your life but thanks for applying

I’m all grown up but you couldn’t tell/ Now I don’t know what to do with myself

You got older cos you’re good at life/ I’m all 17 at 35

Getting a life’s a little like dying

You think you’re hurting me/ Bet you won’t believe it but you kinda set me free

I’d do it in person but I’d probably mess it up/ I’ll text you, that’s enough

[original-character-championship]

Bracket G Round 1

Poll 13

Mirage (@theshrimpgod) vs. Eris Caroll & Mendacium (@kalopseance)

409. Mirage (@theshrimpgod)

any pronouns, but mostly he/they/it

This man can fit so much trauma inside him

Has never gotten a good night's sleep in his life

He just like. never sleeps.

He's so sleep deprived he forgets who he is or where he is or what's even going on

He even forgets what he looks like! which means he also can have Alternate Designs which is always fun! also, alternate names bc he forgets that too and sometimes remembers it wrong

I designed him based on the song Dr. Sunshine is Dead which is a *great* song so there's that!

spiraly pupils. you get it

A green dragon with yellow spiral eyes and yellow and orange spots along his body! He has a red frill down his back and curly horns. His wings are red, yellow and orange in a sort of gradiantish pattern? I don't know how to explain it well

410. Eris Caroll & Mendacium (@kalopseance)

she/her for Eris, any pronouns but mainly he/him for Mendacium

the weird dynamic of a protagonist and her narrator.

Eris Caroll is a 17 year old girl from a small village in England. Living in a bubble of isolation, disconnected from the world around her. The people she passes by and sees in her class every day feel like unfamiliar blurs as opposed to real people - frightening figures who only pose a threat. Terrified of emotional closeness, Eris Caroll closes off her heart.

This year, she will turn 18. Her loneliness grows more and more as she watches the people around her live on normally, growing up and becoming responsible adults. Thinking that the world is too scary and foreign for her to ever live in as an adult, Eris Caroll jumps from a bridge.

She awakes in a coffin of flowers. A voice echoes.

– 'Welcome, beloved protagonist.'

Mendacium is the deity and creator of the realm called Wonderland. Although several other entities reside here, they are all seemingly - to some degree, at least - under Mendacium's control or were created by him. The world, though beautiful and whimsical, is devoid of life except from that of illusions and puppets. Mendacium is a very whimsical and odd person, speaking in poetic ways and somehow being both very mature and sophisticated yet childish.

Eris mets Mendacium, and he reveals that he is the God of Death. When Eris asks if she is dead, Mendacium smiles and shakes his head.

'Why would you throw away a life so full of love, my dear?"

Contrasting Eris's fear of love and closeness, Mendacium has a disturbing deep obsession with the concept of love through an abstract lens. Completely unable to relate to it, Mendacium finds love to be a deeply confusing concept, one only understandable by mortals. Mortals blame death for taking their loved ones away, mourn their own love, survive through the hardest circumstances for love yet give up their lives when they lose love. Unable to understand the depth of the human heart, Mendacium observes the ways in which mortals refer to 'love' and surmises that love must be the primary motive to live, a need simply as necessary as food or air.

'I cannot allow you to throw away a life brimming with such love."

Much to Eris's confusion, Mendacium refuses to let her die, insisting that it is a waste to throw away a precious life with such love. Through his own desire to vicariously understand the human experience, Mendacium pushes Eris forward to fulfill the role of 'protagonist' in his tale. His pre-written story of growth, a stage where the actors take their roles in a tale of a young girl, too scared of intimacy to reach out to anyone, and her journey to learn how to make friends and find happiness. As Eris continues on through this  path he has set for her, she unravels the mysteries behind the true nature and purpose of this Wonderland, and grows to understand more about its supposedly-soulless residents and its enigmnatic creator.

why you should vote for them:

- weirdass found family dynamic. grim reaper and his gay mean adopted daughter. eris calls him 'old man' - unreliable narrator and his angry disgruntled protagonist sick of all his metaphors and symbolism - check out their spotify playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5L1T7MlWZB3rYxOX9yIKAw?si=e0d1a0e07f7242df - they're both utterly unable to understand why each other is unsatisfied with their existence. both eris and mendacium see each other as having something utterly unnatainable, a life that lacks the causes of pain for both of them. theyre both selfishly fascinated by the other's dissatisfaction - they're each others imaginary friends - simultaenously the most emotional heartwrenching dynamic but also the funniest one ever - imagine instead of getting therapy you get a weird insane author to try fix whatevers wrong with you by inserting you into his fiction But hes also the grim reaper - this: https://f2.toyhou.se/file/f2-toyhou-se/images/43590443_umX36h4qaITGqfF.png

Eris is a short pale girl with very light blonde hair in two low pigtails. She wears a light blue hat with symbols of flowers on it. Her pigtails are tied with two dark blue bows. She wears a cropped light blue jacket and a white shirt with a symbol of a pink heart on it. She wears pink trousers and blue shoes. She has grey eyes, and very subtle freckles.

Mendacium is a very tall androgynous figure. He has long flowing white hair, the bangs of which cover empty eye sockets. Over his cheeks and nose is a rainbow-coloured gradient blush. He wears a top hat with black and white vertical stripes. He also wears a grey bowtie and tall grey high-heel boots. He wears a shirt with vertical black and white stripes underneath a large black overcoat which has several moving and blinking eyes along the bottom edges. He wears black trousers, and a long flowing cape; the outside of the cape is black, while the inner side is a rainbow pattern resembling a colourful galaxy. He has skeleton hands.

[wardenred]

Sapphic September 3: 3 AM

Pretty much a free writing exercise, I guess.

The familiar ringtone I haven't heard in six months rips through the silence of my apartment. Shabby, my ancient cat, twitches an ear in her sleep and stretches, pushing the phone off its usual charging place on the edge of my mattress. On the floor, it continues singing the song of the past, and I should really pick it up—the phone, not the call, any wise person would simply ignore the call—but I'm frozen.

"Meow," Shabby says. Her eyes are still closed, but her annoyance is apparent. I nearly fall out of my desk chair as I scramble up, then down on my knees. I stare at the phone screen. The initial followed by a sparkling heart emoji blinks back at me. I remember changing that heart to a broken one on the evening of our oh so amicable break-up, then deciding I was being too dramatic and refusing to save the change.

The song goes on and on, an old melancholy tune with a trace of hope in it. Babe, I'm Gonna Leave You. What did I ever expect, really, with a song like that to serve as our romantic theme? She all but warned me on the very first night when I heard her sing in that dumb karaoke bar for the first time.

Behind the paper-thin wall, a neighbor coughs. I draw a breath. The last two brain cells I possess vote unanimously for tapping Dismiss, and like the fool that I am, I go for Accept instead.

"Yes?" I've got the perfect excuse for my shaky voice, for how long it's taken me to respond. Just look at the time!

"Hey you." She dares to sound just like herself, like all these months of distance have never happened, and I think I'll never breathe again. Consider me dead. "So what are you doing awake at 3 AM for the fifth night in a row?"

"How do you—"

"I can see you online on Discord. And Facebook. And basically everywhere."

Oh. Right. We're still friends on basically everywhere. Messengers, socials, she's on every contact list I have. I'd lie if I said I don't still waste unreasonable chunks of time just staring at her userpic, the same across all of the Internet. A photo I took with a filter she applied. Except I don't see her online all that often, and when I do, it's always with some stupid red status icon. Busy. Away. Do Not Disturb.

"I ran into your friend Maggie tonight," she continues,as if this was a perfectly normal conversation. "She said you’re dating her brother."

"Uh." That's not quite true. John and I have agreed to go on a date. Next week. It hasn't even happened yet. In truth, I'm not sure I want it to happen. Maybe I will conveniently get sick right around Friday evening. Or there might be a food poisoning. Or a sprained ankle. Normally, I prefer excuses focused on last-minute work projects I couldn't say no to, because I have this stupid conviction it makes me look like a responsible adult. Alas, those don't fly so well on the weekends.

"Don't do that," she says. "I don't want you to."

Such a simple request, worded so confidently, like she has any right whatsoever to dictate what happens in my life. The life she's no longer even a part of.

I can't help but laugh at the sheer audacity. Shabby opens one yellow eye and peers at me in such abject displeasure I am forced to reach out and give her all the pats to compensate for the inconvenience.

In a certain light, her eyes look yellow, too, though they never lost their green. Like an autumn lake with golden leaves floating over murky waters, illuminated by the last rays of sunset.

"So?"

"So?.." I repeat after her.

"You won't do that, right?"

"Darling," and I meant to use her name, I swear I meant to, but the usual endearment flows way too easily of my lips. "I don't think you get a say in what I do or don't do any longer."

"Well, no one else is running an intervention, so I kind of have to!"

"What on earth makes you think I need an intervention?!"

"Duh. You own stupid plan? Come on. You don't even like guys most of the time."

"Some of the time I like them just fine," I counter. "And it's John. He's—he's sweet."

"If you ever liked John that way, you would have both gone for it a long time ago.”

He likes me that way, though. He has for a while. And that's why I should feel guilty for how the chances of me getting food poisoning on Friday are plummeting down. I kind of want to go out with John now. Just to give her an excuse to run more interventions.

This is reckless. Twisted. Not like me at all.

All the things she's always brought out in me.

"You won't go, will you?"

"Why are you up at 3 AM on the weekday stalking my socials?"

Neither of us gets an answer we want.

[writing-with-olive]

“ hold the line until somone who actually gives a shit comes” people like you have been saying this for half a century . “Reinforcements” ain’t coming , and the dems use this argument to get away with doing absolutely fuck all every single time they get power because hey look at him he’s worse . Hell half of us our votes are worse than useless from gerrymandering Everybody I know has had enough of being told the sun will come out tommorow if we just eat shit today .

In reference to this post (linked)

So i'm gonna preface this by saying, I hear you. Because this situation is beyond fucked and I wish that everyone would just get their head out of their ass and actually represent in this representative democracy rather than play emperor wannabe. You are right in that the democratic party, especially as it stands now, are not our saviors. And you are right that the maps have been gerrymandered into oblivion.

However, I stand by what I said.

First, gerrymandered maps up until recently had to still look competitive, even if they weren't, in order to get through. What this means is if you get enough people out to the polls, especially people who don't normally vote and were thus not part of the calculations, districts can be flipped. Maps are also drawn based on likely voters, people who have already shown they're consistent about coming out. Therefore, it does not include first-timers; it does not include the youngest of voters.

This is what stopped the red wave. Generation Z voted about 70% blue and came out in record numbers. There will be two years more worth of them during the next election. There is no reason to believe they won't do it again, especially since the state of the country has gotten even more severe. It's not some "hopefully someone out there gives a shit and will magically change their decisions." It's "there's a fuckton of people who already do give a shit and weren't old enough to voice it yet."

Second, I am not saying the dems care. I am not. But they are not the ones about to default on our country's loans and send the world economy into recession. They are not pushing for forms of genocide on trans people. They are not pushing for forms of genocide on the latino population. They are not endorsing outright hate groups. They are not the ones cutting people off from abortion access. They are not the ones banning books in schools. They are not the ones pushing to make guns more and more accessible every time a school gets shot up. They are not the ones who told their followers to seize the capital after they lost an election. No. It's the Republican party that is doing all of that.

This is why I said "hold the line." Not "this will be victory." One election isn't going to make this go away. I wish it would, but it won't. However. Part of the reason it's getting so bad is because the politicians who are making hate and scapegoating core to their career thinks it will work and they will not change unless it is beyond painfully obvious it won't. The bar is on the ground right now. The first order of business is establishing that bringing shovels is not acceptable.

Third, I refuse to sit back, go belly up, and surrender. Using your expression, "being told we just have to eat shit today," it's either that or starving to death. It's not fun, it's not pretty, and I am certainly not saying that you should like it, but it's hard to grow and cultivate some nice crops if you're dead.

Here's the thing. No successful movement in history worked because its members were telling each other "this is useless we might as well give up." That pushes new members away. It stops people from even trying. There's a reason voting rights are so contentious in this country, and it's because if people believe their voice has power, they're going to use it, and that will give it power. I don't think that this post will change your mind. If you are this jaded, 900ish words won't do it. However, I ask that you keep the nihilism to yourself. For all you know, the people who you talk to could be the reinforcements and you do no one any favors by going and stopping them before they get a chance to start. We may be more or less on the same side, but the thing about friendly fire is it ain't all that friendly.

I say "hold the line" because a sense of camaraderie gives people hope. Hope is what fuels change. Part of my job in this fight is to get more people to join. It is about proactively generating reinforcements. And before you say "but posts on tumblr of all places aren't going to do that," I will say that tumblr is only a piece of this. I can make a whole separate post on that if people want, but I firmly believe that if I talk the talk, I gotta walk the walk.

And what if I'm wrong and you're right and none of it's going to change the state of the country? Because of everything else, we have a mental health crisis in this country. Having a longterm goal is huge for people who are trying to find the strength to pull themselves out of that pit. I know this from firsthand experience, and from watching other people grow once they had a chance to find purpose themselves. Giving people the opportunity to care about something, to find connections, that is a worthy goal in and of itself, even if it only helps people on an individual level.

This is all to say, while I hear you and I am not saying you have to change your beliefs, I ask that you do not get in the way of the people who are trying to do something about it.

[nocturnalswarehouse]

Chapter 29 - The New Guild Master

Fic Series: At Long Last

Pairing: Brynjolf x Female Dovahkiin|Dragonborn (Adranelle Rolaine)

Premise: Eight years after being declared the Dragonborn, and three years after Alduin is defeated, Adranelle (Adi) Rolaine finds herself back in Riften to help Brynjolf with the Thieves Guild's reputation.

Masterlist

Taglist: @thequeenofthewinter, @oblivions-dawn

Word count: 1, 135

A/N: One chapter left! The Ragged Flagon redesign is courtesy of "JK's The Ragged Flagon" on Nexus Mods because I really like the look of it and thought it would be fun to incorporate that into the fic. Happy fourth night of Hanukkah if you also celebrate :) Hope you enjoy this chapter!

With Mercer's defeat and the Skeleton key's return, the Guild was better than ever. When Adi and Brynjolf arrived back home, they were met with a chorus of cheers, too many hugs for Adi to count, and an entire week filled with celebration. Delvin had taken to fixing up the Ragged Flagon, making the old rundown Tavern look like the exterior of a pirate ship. He added some flora that could survive in the cistern, the petals and leaves adding a light glow that brightened up the place. 

Once the collective high from the Guild’s newfound success lessened, Brynjolf called everyone into the Cistern. Adi wearily eyed Maven as she took place next to her partner, who stood dead center, the Nord woman having the right to be at the Guild Master coronation. Even with Mercer’s defeat, Adi knew they weren’t done restoring the guild's honour. Maven’s downfall was next, but that was bound to be tricky. 

“Look, I've never been good at these things, so I'm just going to keep it short.” Brynjolf started, his voice commanding everyone’s attention. “Being Guild Master means more than just getting a cut of all the loot. It's about being a leader and keeping this rabble in order. With that in mind, I proposed that the position of Guild Master should be Adi’s. However, she feels it is not in her right to have this role.”

“What? That’s bull!” A chorus of protests filled the space, all arguing against Adi’s statement. A corner of her mouth turned up, amused and flattered by the reaction. 

“In my defence,” she shouts above the voices. “Brynjolf and I were discussing this on the way home, and we think Leo would be the best fit for the role. We spoke to him when we got back, and he is more than willing. Leo, would you like to say anything in your favour?” 

“As you all know, I’ve been a member for a long time,” he started. “And while I have been taking bigger jobs, I’m ready to stay in Riften and settle down. If I’m going to be a dad soon, I need to be home to help my wife raise the kid.” 

Silence filled the cistern for a few beats while everyone stared at Leo in shock. He hadn’t told anyone yet, not even his own sister. The thief thought it would be more amusing, at least to him, to see her reaction along with the rest of the Guild. “Wait, I’m going to be an aunt?” 

“Yes,” he laughed, bracing himself for the impact of her hug. The guild went into chaos as they clambered for the attention of Leo and Tonilia, excitedly congratulating them. 

“All in favour of Leo as our new Guild Master?” Brynjolf pulled focus, wanting to finish the meeting sooner than later. 

“Aye.” The decision was unanimous, the Guild giving their vote all at once. 

“Everyone is in agreement, so I can now name you Guild Master and wish you good fortune and long life. Now everyone get back to work.”

As Brynjolf adjourned the meeting, some thieves returned to the tavern and others continued swarming Leo and Tonilia. Adi, about to speak with Vex and Lydia, was ambushed by the last person she wanted to speak to. “Lady Maven.”

“Lady Dragonborn,” she greeted, neutral tone barely masking the indignance beneath it. “Congratulations on helping the Guild restore their reputation.”

“Thank you-”

“That being said,” she continued. “You’re still under my control.”

“I understand, Lady Maven,” Adi kept her face and voice blank, masking the seething rage she felt. 

“Is there a problem here?” Brynjolf wrapped his arm around Adi’s waist protectively. 

“None at all,” Maven and Adi didn’t break eye contact. “I’ll see you two around, I’m sure.” 

“Of course,” both of them nodded. Maven walked off, exiting the Cistern through the graveyard entrance. Adi kept her eye trained on the Nord woman the whole time, her word running through her head. 

“Everything alright, love?” 

“Everything’s fine,” she answered, smiling up at him. “Let’s go celebrate with everyone, yeah?” 

“Absolutely.” 

***

“Sorry, lass, I’ve got important things to do,” Brynjolf brushed Adi off for the millionth time in the last two weeks. “We’ll talk later.” 

Since Leo was promoted, Brynjolf had kept Adi at arm's length. If he wasn’t in the cistern dealing with Gods-know-what, he was out on a solo job and refused to let his partner join. It was not only jarring for her but for everyone else. The tension in the air was thick when they were in the same room, and no one knew why. Adi had to get to the bottom of it, and luckily the summons from Jarl Laila was the perfect excuse. “I know for a fact that you’re not. I came here to tell you that both of us have been requested at Mistveil Keep. Before that, we need to talk.” 

“Lass, we shouldn’t keep the Jarl waiting.” 

“I told the courier to let her know we have something else to deal with beforehand. Important business for the Guild that couldn’t wait.” Without waiting for a response, Adi gripped his arm tightly and led him into the training room, kicking out the thieves that were already there. She let go once they were alone and gestured for him to sit on one of the practice chests. “Why the hell have you been blowing me off? And I don’t want to hear the ‘I’m busy’ crap. I know you’re not.” 

“Lass, I…” Brynjolf hesitated, only making Adi more impatient. He wanted to make excuses, tell her that everything was fine. But ultimately? Telling her the truth was a better idea in the long run. “You know how Mercer, Karliah, and Gallus all ended up in this situation all because of Mercer’s feelings for Karliah?”

“I mean, he was also incredibly greedy. That was just a tipping point.” Adi pointed out. “But I do get what you mean. Continue.” 

“History repeats itself, love,” Brynjolf sighed. “I don’t want to lose you because of Mercer’s mistakes.” 

“He’s long gone, Bryn,” Adi sat down beside him. “There’s no way our situation will end up like theirs. You and I have something special. It can’t be broken or torn apart by something as simple and powerful as jealousy. Neither of us would let that happen. Stop pushing me away. I know you want me as much as I want you. We’re in this together, alright?”

“I love you, lass,” Brynjolf smiled at his girl and pulled her in for a kiss. Immediately, Adi hooked her arms around his neck and deepened the kiss. 

“I love you, too,” she breathed once they pulled apart. “Now, off to Jarl Laila before we get carried away?”

“Probably for the best, but I won’t hold back later.”

[mineofilms]

DOOMED...

As long as each side claims to be the good, the right, and the just. Always painting the other as wrong, bad, and evil. Things will only get worse for us all. But none of it really matters in a reality where this is all some sort of simulation or video game; where the plot is so fixed that any choice we make has no impact, imprint, or evidence on the outcome of the game. That no matter what you do in the game; you end up at the same boss fight at the end, with the same life, the same weapons, the same treasures and the same everything. It's these types of environments where the lack of realism is felt and where we eventually realize that something is not right with said reality. Some of it seems real, some seems normal and then you see a giant clown head with a spider tattoo on its forehead in the sky where the Sun should be. Eventually, the brain will tell us what is real and what is not real. It is when our realities are flipped upside down and inside out, like a tesseract, that feelings on reality become existential horror.

Real Terror…

There is an idea of freedom for all—some kind of abstraction—but there is no real freedom—only an empty thirsty void—something illusive, rich as fuck—and though we can hide our cold gaze—and we can shake our heads—and feel love—hate—and maybe—we can even sense our values may actually be comparable in some random and insignificant way: we simply—are not there. We are not—listening—We—simply—do not—care...

Apply all that to your common sense. How does reality feel right now? Something ABSOLUTELY does not feel right here… Yeah, we mean nothing. God cares not for you, me, your kids, your freedoms, their suffering, your suffering, and mine. With all that... All we have are those moments of love with those we love the most. Become obsessed with that!!! Not this Bull-Shit. It doesn't matter who we vote for. We all lose… By the time ‘right now’ impacts the future, I'll be dead. Some of you before me. Most of you shortly after me, again, it means nothing in the bigger picture. Why would I care about that in which I cannot alter, control or have input on? My vote makes zero impact. Why waste that by which I cannot ever get back? The energy and time? Once used they cannot be given back. The current landscape of politicians are not qualified to be politicians. As long as we look at Americans as us versus them or them versus us. We are all going to be trapped in this vicious cycle.

This is why I no longer give much time and energy in my headspace anymore. I will comment here/there, make fun of both sides but I am not interested in fighting for either side. It's not about community, politics or right or even wrong. It's a philosophical question. Most if not all politicians cannot do anything that has anything to do with bigger, deeper philosophical questions and concepts of any kind. It's why most of them talk in circles and never actually say anything when they talk. It’s just Charlie Brown’s parents lingo. How many times did we hear either one of the candidates actually answer the questions without going on with tangents and on with other subjects, complicated word salads that say nothing by both and/or makes claims about the other that have little to no actual meaning or substance? Post after post, after comment, after meme, it is all the same. Most Americans hate both these people. This is why ‘Crazy Ralph’ is correct; "we're all doomed."

I'm already dead… My brain and body just don't know it yet. Enjoy the moments, stop thinking about the future, because there isn’t one for you or me. Your kids, perhaps, but I chose before I was even old enough to have sex, that I never wanted kids of my own. I was then and am now even more severely against procreation for myself.  There is no grand future, only now, and the foreseeable future which is how foreseeable exactly? Just enjoy the time we have left. Work towards things that make you happy. Stop trying to think you control these things in the macro-world or even impact them in any ‘meaningful’ way. Keyword, “meaningful.” You are not that important. What exactly can I do right now to help and/or make a real sharp change in the landscape? Nothing… I, personally, can do absolutely nothing. With all my issues by the time I have time to think about such things it's time for bed and do it all over again, so no. I cannot do anything about anything and stopped pretending I actually could after my near-death experience. I am much better off for it. I cannot say happier or good. I tend to say ‘less bad.’ Because good doesn’t really happen with me. I understand I am not that special, beautiful, or unique in any macroscopic way.

“You are not special. You're not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You're the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We're all part of the same compost heap. We're all singing, all dancing crap of the world.” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club

With that said, laugh at the memes… If you get triggered by this stuff this much it’s time to pull back and think about yourself, because “they” are going to do them first and do you last, if at all. That is what politics is in the 2020s. Love your country, but hate your leaders, because they do not lead, they dictate…

23 years ago the country stood still, and our hearts sank as the Twin Towers fell, smoke rose, and lives were forever altered. We remember where we stood, who we held, and the stunned silence that followed. It was a day that cracked the soul of a nation, and from those ashes rose a storm of uncertainty, fear, and division. Yet, in remembering that day, we honor the lost and the brave, a reminder to never let our differences overshadow our shared humanity. Let us never forget, not just the pain, but the unity we once sought. We need that desire for unity again…

Doomed… by David-Angelo Mineo 9/11/2024 1,069 Words

[jaythelay]

Notes: Dems, you're doing it. You're Trying. Keep Trying. This is good.

I'm seeing people rework old comics to advertise everything I said should be, Not because of me, but because They Tried.

That was it. You can try too! Try! Because it's better to start a fire than sit on your hands for warmth. You don't need to be a genius playing 4D chess, sometimes the obvious isn't so obvious til it's done. Do it. Now.

I'm seeing people in droves shitting all over the handcrafted for Biden talking points, sometimes by redirecting them back at Dump, like him being the oldest running candidate now.

The bad points for Khamala likely won't stick as hard in 4 months as Biden's 40 years has for him. If she fucked up, you shouldn't defend it, you should demand better so that Dem politicians do too, you won't retain voters with stubborn apathy towards dem cruelty.

This way onlookers don't see "dead end/genociden biden" again. That crumpled the party, and the remaining Blue Fanboy's pro-genocide messaging pushed many away from dems entirely. It pushed me into discussing politics far more publically ffs. Damn certain I'm blocked by most at this point for not riden with biden's genocide. Feel free to steal anything I write about politics and spread it in your own or better words.

Main thing to focus on is Hype.

Dump lost the popular vote by 7mil last time. He's bleeding votes but not support. We need to make messaging that demotivates R's into believing even voting won't make up the difference while motivating people to vote dem for progress. Anti-Dump is losing steam, ya need hope and progress.

"Keep things the way Dump left them" or "Dump makes it worse" was Biden/BlueFanboy Messaging. Where we were and still are heading if the hype is killed again. Khamala represents potential change from that, you cannot let Blue Fanboys take over again, you cannot get stuck defending genocide while fear mongering another's possible.

"sorry but the other side is Blank and no matter what I'm votin-"

This isn't for you. You're chronically online expecting that to spread to normal people. It does, but it gets telephoned into garbage before it even has the chance of being in your intended format.

"I'd vote for a corpse-" I'm sure dems are that out of options, I really am, but that messaging is murder for hype. You aren't voting blue for XYZ belief, you're doing it to punish republicans who will never change and allowing Dems to worsen because they haven't reached R levels yet. You're doing it out of a belief the other side is worse, that's unfortunately debatable to the average joe. You need them to go "Oh shit they're legalizing weed?" or "Oh shit they're fighting medical costs?" not "They both approve of genocide but a Dem genocide has rainbows!"

It's genuinely the most hype-killer phrase for a political party yet. "I'd vote for Blank over" Ya aren't even positive about the party you're voting for. You're negative towards both but distinctly one more than another. There's nothing to bring in votes there my dude. Just means politics is the show it really is anymore to them.

If you can't be positive about your party, then, for onlookers, be positive in changing that with Dems in charge but not R's. That there's convicing that can be done for Dems and Never, Ever R's.

I cannot stress enough, if all ya'll do is "Not Biden" Khamala, you've doomed us to a 2028 R presidency. She needs to be Khamala, much like Bernie is Bernie and AOC is AOC. "Not Dump" was all Biden had ya'll. Please. Don't "Not Dump" Khamala, don't let that be all she is while in office.

I don't mean "to you" I mean for her. She cannot sit on her hands doing the obviously wrong thing when the time matters. She cannot "save christmas" by allowing trains to crash and spill chemicals, potentially if not actually killing people like you and me.

She has to retract the 40 headless babies bullshit, correct it firmly, and acknowledge the genocide. They faked Aid Trucks into humanitarian tent reserves and shot a little toddler girl over 130 fucking times. If she's pro-genocide, she loses the anti-genocide crowd permanently and I will actively be holding her accountable for it as normal people fucking should. Hold. Them. Accountable. Or Lose.

Being Pro-Genocide is not being Team Blue or BNMW, it's being Pro-Genocide.

Otherwise, ya'll got it going. The problem is that the second criticism comes in ya'll turtle and punch like bitches. Time to acknowledge and work against bullshit and focus entirely on progress. We cannot sit on our hands expecting dem politicians to do their job like we did with Obama and later Biden.

None of us should have to debate against Dump solely by discussing Dump. We should have a good candidate that's obviously a Good Choice, not "the better poison".

Biden's "accomplishments" did not affect my day to day positively. I still can't afford medicine and food. I still will never own a home. Prices keep skyrocketing. Yes that gets worse under Dump- What do you not understand here??? You cannot motivate people with "Not Dump" you motivate them with Felt Actions. Biden had None other than being anti-union, a Felt Action of negativity. He undid some of Dump's shit and recorrected the ship away from the iceberg, and did some politics, the barest of all minimums. Can medicine other than insulin not cost thousands eventually?

Khamala represents that to me, and only in 2 months time will I have the chance to really say if Dems dropped the ball or not. She has to be Khamala. She has to be anti-genocide. She has to be a Good Choice.

"Not Dump" didn't work in 2016, didn't work in 2020 that well honestly, and it failed miserably in 2024 already before the elections.

What ya'll are seeing and doing? Keep it going.

Forever.

Never. Fucking. Stop.

Maybe the Dem party can be saved from it's apathetic, company controlled self at that rate. Y'know, even though those same controllers bullied Biden out through wealth power. Y'know maybe I shouldn't be hopeful for anything actually. I doubt most dems really care to fix the bigger problems, just abortion.

There's still only 10 dems in office with any courage or ethics. Yeah we didn't change shit switching to Khamala. We just killed R messaging and our own near decade of advertising. But at least Biden kept his Interim promise, just, uh, 4 months from the fucking election when we have no other alternative but His Choice. Blegh. It's a two-way street.

Dems will do messaging until Dem politicians essentially tell them it was a massive waste of time by doing The Obviously Wrong Thing. Then Dems stop and all that's left is the chronically online Blue Fanboy having a debate you're glad you've never heard of before. Such as "Which genocide is better, blue or red"

Imagine thinking being anti-genocide is a bad thing when there's not one good bit of PR for Israel since Oct 7th. We pay their free healthcare folks. They faked aid trucks into a refugee camp and shot a little toddler girl 130+ times. Dems can afford to be anti-genocide, I believe. And so can their politicians, for certain.

Otherwise, still third party til I see some action by her. So far she's just been a magnet of bad PR for dems all around that had to be hidden from the public for years. That's genuinely so bad I dunno what to tell ya. I wouldn't be confident in her, but if I was a Dem I wouldn't have much choice in having to publically back her.

Up to her how this goes. Will she guarantee an R for 2028 or will she keep them at bay til 2032. Not hard to say logically, but it is emotionally. No confidence. But at least Dems are trying again, just...hold them the fuck accountable? Jesus christ you treat criticism as worse for prospects than the actions they take, like an abuse victim.