#olivia laing

[felixcosm]

Mike Walters & Loneliness

Donnie Darko // Rainer Maria Rilke // 40. I am terrified that I am going to live forever // Unknown // 110. The Keep Mike Alive Project // Alejandra Pizarnik // 40. I am terrified that I am going to live forever // Olivia Laing // 2. Reverse Phantom Pain // 130. Compound Storage Will Protect Us // GUIDE DOG

[sicknessinmotion]

some inexplicable feelings & words.

blythe baird // isabel allende // clarice lispector // of age - the frights // olivia laing // unknown // alexandra latos.

[soracities]

Olivia Laing, The Lonely City

[funeral]

The idea that language is a game at which some players are more skilled than others has a bearing on the vexed relationship between loneliness and speech. Speech failures, communication breakdowns, misunderstandings, mishearings, episodes of muteness, stuttering and stammering, word forgetfulness, even the inability to grasp a joke: all these things invoke loneliness, forcing a reminder of the precarious, imperfect means by which we express our interiors to others. They undermine our footing in the social, casting us as outsiders, poor or non-participants.

Olivia Laing, The Lonely City

[asoftepiloguemylove]

LOVE IS A FEAST BUT YOU'VE LEARNED TO ABSTAIN; ON LONELINESS THAT EATS YOU ALIVE

Bob Schofield WIKIPEDIA ARTICLE ABOUT LOVE WITH PLENTY OF CITATIONS (via @masoeuretmoi) // Phoebe Bridgers Moon Song // Olivia Laing The Lonely City: Adventures in the Art of Being Alone // Xooang Choi (via @larameeee) // Fyodor Dostoevsky The Brothers Karamazov // Ocean Vuong Thanksgiving 2006

[sinligh]

In the name of healing I bite chunks of myself daily, spit them out in my hand with the intention to wash it away later

Eventually, i end up over analyzing them, like everything else in my life

grafts of all the causes I’m still here, glued together by my mother’s fears

be the Alpha female, she said. “feed on your most beloved, a cup of the moon’s blood every night before bed for you to run alone forever, run wild, never slip”

I Shower myself with self-loathing, lick my own wounds close Keep me sane, keep me safe

loneliness to me is just another insecurity that is dangling from my prefrontal cortex, dangling right in front of my eyes… for me to see the world through it.

I spend hours looking at the bloody chunks in my hand, thinking where did i go wrong ? how much can I hold on to this heartache ?

I've been running around it all my life, running around red lines, red lines circle me, i run in circles around myself I’m all that I’ve ever knew, yet, I only know myself in fading

A distant memory, a deja vu…

All I really know, is that the only stable in my life is the fact that I exist, and that it’s a temporary state.

jamais vu.

will the lines fade if i eat what i bit off of myself again ? if i chew and chew and chew… If i teach myself to stomach it will i be whole again?

is holding on to those pieces enough to satisfy my desire to be held ?

Or does it make me a feral rogue ?

Schizophrenic delusions ticking in my head…

Sometimes I wonder if it’s my fault that I’m this alone…

then again I wasn’t the one feeding myself all the insecurities as a young child.

I wasn’t the one playing pretend.

It was never my fault, my mother thought faking happiness is the way to protect me, it was never my fault father wasn’t interested in the details, as long as I was his perfect girl…

Now, I can’t hold on to anything the way i hold on to the lunatic turmoil that makes me sway and laugh on my own personal misery.

Call it history.

Hide behind defensive humor, get my inner demons drunk on caffeine, mistake that high for happiness cause mama did too…

And wait for caffeine withdrawal to wake us up, both of us…

I’ve never been hangover, but I imagine this is how it’ll feel

The aura ? The migraine?

The urge to throw myself up to be reborn clean.

•••

•Quotes: Olivia Laing/Heather Havrilesky/ Olivia Laing/ Marya Hornbacher/Anaïs Nin/Camille Norton/ Alice Oseman/ eduardo C. Corral/anne carson/ Joanne Harris/ Hannah Green/Hannah Green/Lisel Mueller

•Original context: sinligh

•Art reference:

1. Sasha Hartslief, Late Night Shower, 2021. 2. Getting Up by Vincent Giarrano. 3.illustration by Owen Gent. 4. The Lovers on the Bridge, 1991. 5. "Beverly Edmier 1967' Keith Edmier, 1998

•song recommendation:

P.s: the whole album is a masterpiece ! Give it a try, thank me later.

[metamorphesque]

All the lonely people, where do they all belong?

(Moe no suzaku (Naomi Kawase, 1997), Anne Carson, Olivia Laing, Haruki Murakami)

˗ˏˋin case you’d like to buy me a☕ˎˊ˗  

[declanscunt]

ADAM PARRISH — LONESOME

blue lily lily blue — maggie stiefvater // the book of disquiet — fernando pessoa // succession (2018), s3 ep9 (x) // the lonely city — olivia laing // sex education (2019), s2 ep2 // little weirds — jenny slate // little women (2019) // this song will save your life — leila sales // call down the hawk — maggie stiefvater

[quotemadness]

Loneliness is difficult to confess; difficult too to categorize. Like depression, a state with which it often intersects, it can run deep in the fabric of a person, as much a part of one’s being as laughing easily or having red hair.

Olivia Laing

[moonstoast]

the lonely city by olivia laing // the hug by claudia barbu // edvard munch // malcolm t. liepke // edvard munch // anthony cudahy // elizabeth glaessner

[smute]

Olivia Laing, The Lonely City

[soracities]

Olivia Laing, The Lonely City

[funeral]

What does it feel like to be lonely? It feels like being hungry: like being hungry when everyone around you is readying for a feast. It feels shameful and alarming, and over time these feelings radiate outwards, making the lonely person increasingly isolated, increasingly estranged. It hurts, in the way that feelings do, and it also has physical consequences that take place invisibly, inside the closed compartments of the body. It advances, is what I’m trying to say, cold as ice and clear as glass, enclosing and engulfing.

Olivia Laing, The Lonely City

[akaiiros]

january blues

Ada Limón, “The Quiet Machine” / Holly Warburton / Ada Limón, “Downhearted” / ig @sebliminal_artist / ig @_kingsada_ / Olivia Laing / Joanna Karpowicz / @ihopeucomehomesoon / ig @fangpeii_ / Ada Limón, “Miracle Fish”

[thoughtkick]

Loneliness is difficult to confess; difficult too to categorise. Like depression, a state with which it often intersects, it can run deep in the fabric of a person, as much a part of one’s being as laughing easily or having red hair.

Olivia Laing, The Lonely City

[asoftepiloguemylove]

hi!! i was wondering if you could do a web weave on feeling unloveable but in the romantic sense? like in the way where you’re one to have really great platonic and familial relationships but when it comes to craving and seeking a romantic connection it’s like everyone wants absolutely nothing to do with you all of a sudden

Olivia Laing The Lonely City: Adventures in the Art of Being Alone / unknown / Margaret Atwood / Taylor Steele Shocker / unknown / pinterest / Sierra DeMulder Today Means Amen