#on par with 'wait do you know what a meme is 'YES I KNOW WHAT A MEME IS MELANIE'

[godslittlesadge]

John discovering the means used to bind Not!Them (the table) and deciding then and there to destroy it thinking that it will kill them (???) is exactly why you don't make important decisions while sleep deprived

[phoenixyfriend]

If you still do the ask meme: nr.1 for a timetravel Jangosoka?

26 Family Prompts Ask Meme

Accidental Baby Acquisition

This contains both intentional and accidental acquisition. (They'll give it back! Probably.)

------------------

"He's mine."

Jango looks at the woman he has, somehow, managed to fall for.

He looks at the baby.

He looks at her again.

"You adopted? Without asking me?"

"No, birthed him myself."

That baby is human. Fully human. There is no chance, in any way, that Ahsoka managed to have a fully human child. There's some shit about placentas or whatever. A tog can't surrogate a human and vice versa.

"Jetii--"

"Oh, I'm in trouble," she giggles, entirely too enthused about his annoyance.

"Jetii," he tries again, "please tell me you didn't steal a child."

"I did not steal a child," she confirms. "I just... acquired one."

"Acquired one."

"Yeah."

He waits in vain. He breaks and asks, "Ahsoka, how did you acquire this child?"

She smiles at him.

--

The child's name is Ferus Olin. He was not stolen, but given willingly by his parents for Ahsoka to take to the Jedi Temple on Coruscant.

"You could have just said so," Jango gripes as he fires up the engines. She laughs at him, and hikes the tot higher on her hip. "Don't act like it's not within the realm of possibility that you'd randomly pick up a kid and forget to warn me about it."

"Sure," she says, "but consider this: it was funny."

"You are not nearly as funny as you think you are."

Ahsoka rolls her eyes and addresses the kid instead. "What do you think, Ferus? Am I funny?"

The toddler--baby, really--stares up at her silently. There is something up with that kid, but Jango figures that's par for the course with Force Sensitives.

A slightly wet, very chubby hand lands on a lekku.

"That is saliva," Jango notes aloud, mostly because Ahsoka looks a little disgusted, and likes she's trying to hide it from the kid. "Baby drool."

"Oh, fu--shove off."

"Classy."

--

So like. Here's the thing. About carting around two almost-Jedi:

One of them is his age, and hot, and weird, and he's a little bit in love with her.

The other one is less than a year old, and should be relatively safe and sound to leave alone for five minutes while napping so they can do things like use the bathroom, or argue over the nav, or knock against the walls doing things that babies probably shouldn't know about.

Ahsoka says that Ferus was a rule-abiding guy in the future, uptight, even.

This means nothing, because the ship jolts out of hyperspace without warning while Jango's got his hand up a hot tog's skirt, and they both have to rush to the cockpit to find the literal baby has crawled onto the pilot's seat and somehow turned off the nav.

The baby continues patting, full-palm, at the controls.

"What the fuck?" Jango demands.

"Language," Ahsoka sniffs, and then picks up the baby and swings him around. "Who's a little troublemaker? You are!"

"What the actual--"

"Language!" Ahsoka snaps, a little harsher this time. "There's a baby."

"Yes, I noticed, it just knocked us out of hyperspace."

Ahsoka rolls her eyes. "It's fine. We just need to keep a better eye on him."

"This could have been deadly."

"Eh, doubt it," she dismisses. "I mean, with a normal kid, yeah, but I bet you ten to one odds that he did this because the Force told him to."

"I cannot explain how much that doesn't fill me with confidence."

She ignores him. She settles into the chair, toddler on her lap, and closes her eyes. This lasts for several minutes, and Jango tries to keep his impatience under control so he doesn't 'project' it into the Force or whatever it is that the Jedi are worried about. It would distract Ahsoka, and possibly more importantly, it would upset the baby.

"I've got it," she finally says. "A direction. He pulled us out a bit early, but the fact that we didn't overshoot it is a bit of a shocker in and of itself."

"A direction to what?"

She shrugs. "We'll find out."

--

The direction is to a fresh-faced teenage Duros by the name of Cad Bane, who's been floating around the guild's gossip lines for a few years now. He's good, for eighteen, but Jango hasn't met him before, and Ahsoka really doesn't like him--Jedi don't hate, supposedly--and that's enough for Jango to have zero interest in really networking here.

Also, Bane has a stolen toddler. Jango knows the toddler is stolen, because she's dressed in far-too-fancy clothes for Bane to bother with, and screaming her head off, and trying to bite him, and yelling about how she wants to go home. Surprisingly eloquent for a toddler, actually. She can't be more than four.

Jango wants to get involved. He's itching for a fight. He does not get one.

He gets the smaller baby, and is told to take care of said baby and be ready to catch the bigger baby--toddler--while Ahsoka handles the fighting.

It seems kinda personal. Jango leaves her to it. It's not like they need both of them to fight this literal teenager.

(He's right. They don't.)

--

There are now two small children on Jango's ship. One of them is barely-almost a toddler, and the other is barely-almost not.

"I am Padme Naberrie of Naboo," the little girl tells him, all care and important grandeur. "Thank you for saving me. When may I return home?"

Naboo. The noble kids from there are damn creepy. Also worth a good ransom or a better bounty, to some. It's not exactly surprising that Bane went for one of them. the family must be pretty influential somehow.

"Not sure," Ahsoka says. "We were on our way to Coruscant... do you have a number we can call? Maybe one of your parents can meet us on the way."

"That is ac-cep-table," the little girl sounds out. She even bows, a touch wobbly. "Thank you, Master Jedi."

Ahsoka is not a Master, and is only sort of a Jedi. She does not correct little Padme, because that would be a little mean, in Jango's estimate. The girl's just been through something harrowing, and even he's not that much of a dick.

"Do you know their contact info?" he asks instead.

--

They aren't on a convenient hyperlane for Naboo, so they're meeting Lady Naberrie on Corellia. It's several days there, which is still faster than trying to get to Naboo from where they currently are, and Padme spends an hour or two talking to her mother before the woman enters hyperspace and comms are no longer an option. Then she talks to her father, and asks about someone called Sola, and Jango's not paying enough attention to keep track of who's who in the life of a child that is not his.

He doesn't have enough beds on the ship for this.

He empties out a small armor crate and lines it with blankets, then sets it on teh floor by the end of his bed. It's big enough for Ferus, who probably doesn't care much for fancy things. Padme gets her own bed, because they're strangers and it would be odd to suggest she share with Ahsoka as a gender thing. The other, larger bed is then for Jango and his somewhat irritating and entirely too lovely Jedi.

He laces his fingers with hers, once they're in bed, autopiloting down the hyperlane. Padm's breathing has finally evened out, and Ferus hasn't woken up yet either.

"Do you want them?" he asks.

"Hm?" Ahsoka shifts, and when she speaks, it's sleep-heavy and muddled. "Want what?"

"Kids," he says.

She's silent, long enough that he starts to wonder if she's fallen asleep, but eventually she shrugs. "I'll take an apprentice one day, probably."

It's basically the same thing, for Jedi.

"Did I ever..."

He tries not to ask too much about his personal future. He knows how Galidraan would have ended, and knows that somehow, he had been involved in a clone army that tried to kill Ahsoka when she was seventeen. She tries not to tell him too much.

"One," she says. "Boba. A few years younger than me. And..."

She doesn't finish.

"And?"

"Maybe another time," she says.

He's gotten that response more than once. He knows it for the wall it is.

"Alright," he says. "You could... tell me about Boba in the morning?"

"Maybe."

Noncommittal. He's not entirely surprised.

"Okay," he finally says. He presses a kiss to her lek. "Goodnight, Ahsoka."

"Night, Jango."

[problematicpervertpod]

recs on recs on recs

Yaoi/Manga I’m reading/have read. Please support the artists on official websites. If you have recs or want to chat about any of these get in my messages right the fuck now my dudes. Also spoilers, also this probably doesn’t make sense to anyone but me, also I think I’m funny sorry in advance.

Dangerous Convenience Store

Tags: Ongoing, self aware lead for the most part, gangs, smut, love triangle, possessive, not rapey, seme is like the fucking hulk compared to uke, college, age gap, good art, muscular bodies, seme is adorable/romantic in sp chapters, sexual awakening, meeting the gang (in two ways!), FAINTS OF CUTENESS/HOTNESS, the memes after every chapter got me gagged, HAHE hahahahahahahahahaha, OMG DO I GET SOME CNC?! (update: short lived), we stan a vocal man (Ahjussi), thigh fucking, my mans be like my thighs hurt fuck my ass instead DECEASED, ass smacking, these memes are so good god damnit, rimming

8/10, I live for Ahjussi (Am I spelling this wrong..)

The New Employee 

-love love love

Tags: ongoing, we stan supportive boyfriends, healthy relationship, boss/employee, smut, office setting, good art, 10/10 will re-read, muscular bodies

Love Shuttle

Tags: completed, ABO, enemies to lovers, possessive, coworkers, fake relationship, strong omega, the art sucks but I like the story, art gets better after the 1st season, alphas eyes change colors when happy/anxious, muscular bodies, 7/10, update 10/10 art is meh but fml this storyline is basic af in the best way and it’s the fluff/smut I need, when you’re caught by the folks *cringe*

Hold Me Tight

Tags: ongoing, boss/employee, bodyguard, gio can’t feel heat until felix comes along, uke is strong af, horny bastards, smut, possessive, tragic childhood, moving in together right away, rich seme, felix in a bunny costume though *heart eyes*, dialogue is great, rape in a technical sense but the vibe is written like both characters are all good after? Ex. hospital scene…dub con, ART IS GREAT, hand holding during sex, 10/10 will re-read, muscular bodies

Yours to Claim 

Tags: ongoing, love triangle, Dom/sub dynamics, smut, main is big switch energy, reincarnation, jealousy, manipulative, possessive, self aware lead for the most part, toxic af, GREAT ART, college, rich semes, 10/10 will re-read and not even finished, SONOFABITCH that cliff hanger!! Season 3 come thruuuu (I have to wait until November? *cries* BUT MAH LOVE TRIANGLE!!, I want a THROUPLE GOD DAMN IT

The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation

Tags: obsessed with this story, will the incense burner scenes make it?? No tags because I'll never forget this one haha wangxian 5ever, send me all fanfics/fan art you have about this story, love Dark Wangji, Jadecest, ABO/omegaverse, Bottom Wangji/Top Wei Ying, and honestly anything regarding this fandom

Bj Alex

Tags: completed, great art, 11/10 will re-read, cam boy, fanboy, seme is an asshole, uke is so sexy, jealously, rich seme, enemies to lovers kind of?, CHANWOO IS MY BOY FOR LIFE, Chanwoo MD supremacy, BDSM (like really really), fuck I love Chanwoo, college students, rich seme, emotional rollercoaster, uke soft body, mean seme, college life, that one nosy bitch ass guy trying to expose my boys needs to fuck right off, seme split/fake personality, dub con 

Anti PT

Tags: ongoing, 11/10 re-readable, porn with feelings, love triangle, jealousy, attempted non-con, personal training wink wink, main love interest is actually the best, second male lead is a god damn creep, first time, smut, great art, sex addict/constantly horny uke, I WANT A HWI, 

Related: https://www.anime-planet.com/manga/anti-pt/recommendations 

Payback

Tags: ongoing, both are psychopaths tbh, revenge, gangs, uke sells himself to seme, violent seme, entertainment industry, brunette supremacy, what this motherfucker gonna do? hehe , great art, muscular bodies, dead dove do not eat, my mans must be GOOD looking/animal magnetism cause everyone losing their fucking minds, okay this is a comedy I’m dying, he tried to scare him with wanting to be a top but my psycho said REVERSEUNO BITCH I’M A VERSE (wait jk apparently *sigh*), anonymous masked sex (sad n’ kinky)

My Suha

Tags: ongoing, wow this gets dark, possessive af like holy shit, terrible people all around uke, rape, boss/employee, office politics/family politics, smut, characters that are punchable, dead dove do not eat, *velociraptor noises*, avoided this for a while but I’m back because nothing can be more emotionally devastating than Banana Fish, TIE HIM UP, FUCK HIS FACE ALKSJD:ASKD, FUCK SUHA UR SO HOT that dirty talk though YAS, glad I picked this back up lmao, GOD DAMN IT just when the package arrived then this red head fucker *screams*

Shame Application aka Dirty Vibration

Tags: completed, friends to lovers, model seme, cute af uke, love triangle, entertainment industry, smut, kink, all kinds of sex everywhere, realized feelings, mutual pining, jealousy, rich seme, blonde seme, big brother 1984 always watching, 10/10 would re-read, porn with plot, they were roommates!, ~straight~ seme, first times, great art, remembering some cringe but considering the story it’s par for the course

Will You Subscribe

Tags: ongoing, season 1 completed, enemies to lovers, cam boy, office politics, boss/employee, hiding a secret, public sex, stalkers/creepy men, emotionally stunted characters, mutual pining, idiots in lust, lingerie company, slut shaming, jealousy/possessiveness, season 2 bebeh, HOLDING HANDS *velociraptor noises*, LMAO okay my mans is not THAT old how tf does he not know netflix and chill, BUNNY COSTUME (quickly becoming my new fav trope in manga, A+ gang), oh we stan a good boy, wtf is wrong with wanting to do cam work, ‘I wish my marks could become permanent’ *omegaverse wink*, *works for lingerie company* *doesn’t understand where bf gets sexy costumes* like wut kind of fuckery…, cross dressing ftw, roleplay, classic BL miscommunication trope

Hyperventilation

Tags: completed, high school crush, unrequited love, mutual pining, smut, quickie (short story), class reunion, apparently furry with the extra chapter turning my man into a bunny but c'est la vie! https://myreadingmanga.info/korean-bl-animation-hyperventilation-engsub/ this is the animation of the same story, different endings but same in tone (this site is spammy AF but the English subs are so hard to find for this) 8/10 

Unmei no tsugai ga omae da nante

Tags: only one bed, ABO, office setting. Coworkers, enemies to lovers, competitive, equality in the omegaverse, dubcon, real dicks and not lightsabers, fated pair, art is cute af 8/10

K’s Secret

Tags: buckle up buttercup, dead dove do not eat, angst, pining, somnophilia, dub con, non con, boss/employee, manipulative, stalking, forced relationship, tragic childhood background, weird art but gets better,  uke: don’t threaten me with a good time but seriously stop threatening me, possessive & obsessive, seme is like the fucking hulk compared to uke, wow were going full psycho stalker hm?, dating a narcissist is all fun and (mind)games, con non con… ? honestly who tf knows, domestic!, OW MY HEART, the t/n WAP note sent me, ch 51 translated by gen z, do special ep= furry? Wait there’s a maid costume, bunny costume, directors friends keeping it real, rough translations 8/10

Enthusiasm

Tags: ongoing, dead dove do not eat, uke buys seme, masc boys, muscular bodies, fight club, master/slave, rich uke, revenge, real dicks not lightsabers, rough sex, cuckholding, daddy issues, suicide, wow the end of ch 5 punched a hole in my heart, penile implant life,  rough translations makes the storyline wonky, nvm back to lightsabers *star wars noises*, HAD ME FEELING SOME TYPE OF WAY I CAN NOT, shibari, possessive, wait this is cute *velociraptor noises*, angst, no kithes for you “bestie”, OBSESSED, honestly choke him pupper, STAY THE NIGHT ALKSDJA:SLDKJAS:LKDJA:SLDKj, problematic but I’m riding for these two, 

Ichimai Goshi Fetish

Tags: completed, short, fetishes DO start in childhood don’t they *ruminates*, author: describes ML as a beautiful 2D character meanwhile: ML IS 2D character, fellas is it gay to kiss the homies?, “real dudes don’t interest me” is a MOOD, comedy, jealousy, college setting, dialogue is A+, not lightsabers but not dicks either, first time, when you’re fucked so good you think you’ve died, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4uEq5Nx6ko, hero/villain roleplay. Fluff n smut 10/10

My Purrfect Boss

Tags: completed, tooth rotting fluff because blondie is so FUCKING cute little sensitive soul, golden retriever boyfriend, pure comedy, DECEASED, MY MAN JUST DID THE SLOW BLINK, office setting, boss/employee, ~wasted~ (red dead redemption meme),  FFS SO CUTE, he put a ring on it right away beyonce would be proud af, he protecc he attack but most importantly he hit it from the back, jealousy, honeymoon phase of dating, the ex is a snake (update: oh wow literally), I’m picking up abuse/PTSD vibes based on how Kang reacts to his ex :(, classic BL miscommunication plot, immediately no meme audio (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6XWSGfYnps) ,  I WILL STRAIGHT UP MURDER CHA WTF!!!!!!, gang rape, spiked with drugs that force heat, me rn:*screaming/rage*, psychotic ex/abuser, HE PROTECCC, actual relief after that scene jesus fuck, okay YES kings I see you, okay this is giving me cuteness aggression, hi yes I’d like to adopt a cat and a dog please 9/10

Following Namsoo to the Bathhouse

Tags: completed, same author as, “My Purrfect Boss”, A+ comedy once again, JUNIOR, gay awakening, “fap myself to death” DEAD, facial expressions are ridic, my minds telling me no but my body, my bodyyyy’s telling me yaaaaa, ya boy is literally losing his mind over this, actual lightsabers lmao, FLUFF, permasmile, 6969, THINKS THEY’RE GOING TO EAT RAMEN, dense gay, own your skin wtf okay hannibal calm down, everyone is officially cray,  ah I also am barfy when drunk, denial really is something hm, classic BL miscommunication plot, when people pleasing too far, happy ending 🥺🥰, side story: our crazy gets his very own crazy (ashton Kutcher from spread vibes), public sex, sex sparkle 9/10

Alien in my Closet

Tags: ongoing (maybe completed but def ongoing on the site I use), not rapey at all?? You’d think it’s impossible in this medium ffs, anti pt vibes, cute art, fluff ‘n smut, red head!!, they were roomates!, sex toys, bsdm, D/s (brat)dynamic or maybe owner/pet, bondage, *tiffany hadish voice* this is noiceeee, con humiliation/degradtion, SANTA CLAUS, edging, marking, one lotus please (he’s clearly read the 4 agreements and karma sutra), con non con, exhibitionism, the wrist thing stays on people, Katoptronophilia,  roleplay, is it stalking when you bring your friends?, lotus: welcome home cheater, the chin on the head thing gives me cuteness aggression, the twins are my favs, when ur crush vanilla af 😭, haesung: experiment on me daddy, no dick until halfway through/fingering supremacy, bedroom sessions has me gagged, voyeurism, wait they haven’t kissed this whole time I forgot (audio: https://www.tiktok.com/@ryley/video/6976701880277748997?lang=en), sunbae is sus, YES FINALLY A FUCKING SWITCH COUPLE AKJSDHALKSJDHASKLJDHALS KJDALKSJD (update: sort of), there’s a missed opportunity for an anal probe joke, damn it okay maybe sunbae is chill, 3 musketeers, my heart*implodes*, *velociraptor noises*, 12/10 would re-read such fluff my heart 

On Doorstep

Tags: completed, age gap, reese has ptsd, jimmy going from 0 to 100, jimmy really got down on his knees at work, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) deepest part you say, real dicks, ride him like a rodeo, quickie/short story, porn with plot

Gorani Jeon

Tags: ongoing, omegaverse, no alpha though, animal hybrid, art is beautiful like it's drawn on paper not a screen, 40 inch weave yours came in a pack, historical (non-modern), lord send me a sexy man pls, the memes after each chapter are golden, taking the phrase licking wounds literally, is that an eggplant or are you just happy to see me hehe, ahhh so inhibitors do exist here, vertical 69, here lays Bau fucked to death by Ran, WHY HE TOUCHING MY MAN, these chickens are dope, stomp on his dick, that’s what I call a happy meal, fucked right out the front door I’M DEAD, mpreg, i need a tiger+mountain god spin off (whoops dad/son my bad), slice of life, cute fluff 8/10

Room to room

Tags: completed, college setting, A+ dialogue, absurd size difference, unrequited love,  sexsomina, dubcon, angst, death by a thousand cuts emotionally, insecurity, body envy, pining, friends to lovers, they were roommates!, homophobia, sexual assault, PTSD, gays in denial, the tattoo 🥺 ow my heart, truly this is 90% smut, “going from unrequited love to fwbs is shittier than I expected”, dowan *bad blood by t swift* when he sees garam, ch 22garam reminds me of my ex and that’s not a compliment, I’m not gay but my boyfriend is vibes, triflers need not apply, spanking, 😭😭😭😭😭 my heart hurts, is anyone getting a bit of a puppy play vibe? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vni9ZWmDXis, handcuffs, lots of head we stan, dowan’s gotta a touch of a foot thing or maybe body worship thing, asdlfgkjs ;dlkfgjsd;flkgj;sdflkgj;sdlfgjs;d/gkdf SO CUTEEEEEEEEEEE, roleplay. They broke the bed no use of crying over spilled milk ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), side stories delivering man in uniform and sex toys AND puppy, asdlkjaslfkasdjfl;askdfjasdf the shirt thing is so hot, watersports, I take it back this is 98% smut 9/10

Mistake Lover

Tags: completed, when ur bff is back on their BS, love triangle, coworkers, i swear all these ukes look the same to me at this point (which is very cute), GE!!!! (wangxian flashbacks), wait no smut?.... Paused

Yagi to ookami no hatsujou jijou

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, literally on my reading list because a comment said “nice cock 10/10”hahahaha, animal hybrids, scifi/aliens, me during chapter one: am I a furry? No. Am I? Relevant audio https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noJNIqvDfoo, hotties when human GOD DAMN, bi king, okay I stan this girl changing gears take your opportunities honey!, does blondie have a tinder or how is this happening? (update: called it), feminization, dubcon/noncon, marking, heats, idk about 10/10 cock but not lightsabers, translation is ruff (get it?), a yankee hahaha, literal wound licking, googles chimera, *claps* yes king selfish call his ass out, tail holding caaaayoooot, not that isn’t usually copious amounts of cum but really this is a lot 8/10

Make Me Bark

Tags: completed, $250 a month rent?? *cries in Californian*, god damn it these grey haired 2D men are really hot fml, “next months rent is a looming concern but I hope it’ll get better” followed by apartment on fire is how I feel about reality, rare characters that smile way more than they frown, sex toys, kink, puppy play, owner/pet dynamic, sugar daddy/baby, college setting, harness, muzzle, leash, tail plug, shirt thing!!, soaked briefs, playing barbie IRL, omg meet cute at the adult store, intercrural sex, possessive/jealousy, ah fuck yes I saw this panel on IG but it didn’t have the source but now hehe, whipping, choking, spanking, *bookmarks*, simp city, childhood friends, side couple cute af, yeonsoo: sorry I’m an anti romantic, size queen, mens lingerie, domestic, mutual pining,  these bestie pairings are *chefs kiss*, skinny but muscular bodies/no ridiculous size differences, “does he have a big dick?” “probably” “well tell him to come” GAGGED AJKSDHALSKDJHA this dialogue pure comedy, exhibitionism, human auction, maid costume, men in heels, topping in a dress, girl at the bus stop HAHAHA, ffs this is so cute, side stories: it’s a small world afterall, dynamic role reversal, pink haired boy is guru, SCREAMING AKDJA:SLDKJA:LKDJA:LSDKJLAKDJA:LDJAL:SKDJASLKDJA:SLKDJLAKSDJLASDJ:LASJD:ALSKDJASL:DJ:ASLJDPUTARINGONIT!!!! 11/10 

Gurume no fukurami

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, food fetish, feeding fetish, age gap, throuple-eqsue? There’s 3 people involved, paused ch 1 pg 30

Under the Green Light

Tags: ongoing, thank you IG for rec’ing this, brunette supremacy, neurodivergent?, lmao @hag, this statue is everything I wonder if it’s based on a real piece?, we went from talking art to being pinned to the ground REAL quick, translations rough but not as rough as my mans here, draw me like one of your french girls vibe, sass master, these dicks are ridiculously huge which is saying something for this genre, i love a verse/switch, “first time he’s asked someone to stop so his self-esteem is hurt” HAHAHAHA, stealing bae’s shirt, facials galore, car sex/public sex, jin not into praise kink clearly, sort of slut shaming jealousy, marking

Walk on Water

Tags: completed, for being about porn it’s not that smutty (i take it back), “don’t even think about running away” got me like https://giphy.com/gifs/VABbCpX94WCfS, actual dicks (lightsabers later must be the cleaners not the OG), muscular bodies, blonde seme, brunette uke, k mcqueen is everything, honestly haven’t loved a couple this much since chanwoo x MD and I LOVE THEM, jealousy, orgasm denial, the angles/frames of the art in this are insane (11/10), emotional intimacy CUTENESS HASIHDLASKDHJLAKSJDH, i wanna lick lick lick you from your head to your toes, dirty talk A+, bestie you turned out to be Judas you judgy fuck how dare you touch my man, Ryan is 50 shades of fucked up bb needs therapy, Chang and yeowoons sexual tension is *chefs kiss*, I ship it/all my ships sailing, woof non con but expected tbh, YEAH BABY YEAH *Austin powers voice*, fml I don’t want this story to end, meeting the Hets ™ would make me nervous too, spiderman kith, mirror sex sjkadfhasldjkfh, 34+35, JOI but with a partner? Not D/s, promises are made to broken hehe, that feeling when you understand the title, omg the fan art is so cool!! 15/10 would re-read seriously I can’t explain how well the artist used angles/how she portrayed the scenes was fucking MASTERFUL

Woof Wolf

Tags: that's my best friend (saweetie), red heads, werewolf au, college setting, students, shoot a shot in your mouth while I'm riding, facials, marking

Sexual Awakening of an Ex Delinquent 

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, sexual coercion/non con/dub con, tiddies, bondage, nipple play, edging/orgasm denial, candy in ass wow, food kink, kink in general, rich seme working class uke, lightsabers,  big dick Jesus fuck, exhibitionism, public sex, men's lingerie, Blondie is a sweet baby angel, self hatred/homophobia, sexual narrating that has me like oof 😣 that's not how this works but okay, the sweet spots thing is a great line, man is a slave to the sweets, lmao at the meme at the end of ch 9 fucking facts, kidnapping plot, rapey guys all around this story, tattoo/back story reveal has me like *nods head yes*, my throats broken has me gagged, crazy amount of sfx noises that distract from the art (I really appreciate cleaners I realize), first times, rushed ending feels,  would rate 6/10 not terrible but probably won't read again.  

With Your Tail Yes

Tags: ongoing, IG rec, quickie/short story, on man brunette looks EXACTLY like a different character by another artist like for real duplicate, home boy pulled Elle Wood’s Bend n Snap and we are HERE FOR IT, lingerie/cross dressing, okay compilation of short stories, great artwork but wtf these are far too short (maybe uploaded wrong..?), *immediately makes deal with the devil because yum*, ah okay previews THEN stories, human animal hybrid situation, lightsabers, fucking imagine your crush delivery the sex toy you ordered online HAHA *dies*, buys toys because men ain’t shit is a VIBE, you know he’s always wearing matching sets because he’s 100% that bitch, dub con/non con, knotting (unexpected), exhibitionism, public sex, good ol’ fashion blackmail to get your lover to stay with you trope, sexual assault/attempted rape, victim blaming, shibari, leashes, D/brat dynamic sort of, copious amounts of cum, lube? What lube?, marathon sex, first time, 75 hours?? Immediately no meme, 7/10 mostly for art/concepts but not execution

Heat and Run

Tags: ongoing, IG rec, omegaverse, friends to enemies to lovers, multiple couples as main to sides then sides to mains, my heart dropped because I thought the first sex scene was incest but then realized I’m mixing up all the characters derp, dense gays, this is america (the shooting comment WOOF reality feels bad man), blondes have more fun, real dicks, dubcon/CNC dealers choice, mutual pining, idiots in love, big alpha energy BDE, there are moments I feel Hayoung on a spiritual level and not sure that’s a compliment hahaha, orgasm denial/edging, istg if he bonded without Hayoung permission *jenna marbles BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII YOU BETTAH NOT*, also I was hoping the idol was him but realizing it’s probs his sis, *deep sigh*, BDIRL, wow racism, oh no oh no no no no no meme audio, listen everyone needs to get into therapy to break that generational trauma is all I’m saying (not excusing abuse at all, trauma isn’t a free pass), NO ONE WANTS TO PLAY A GAME WITHOUT KNOWING THE RULES :ALKSDHJALKSDJA:SLKDJTRUE, matthew singing bo burnham: I’m problematic *background singers ‘he’s a problem!’*, i ship it yolo, JAEHO STAN (no means no!), mpreg, god damn it I am so worried about him getting roofie and the party scene hasn’t even started ABO WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TOO ME, OH THANK JAEHO, dayummmm that clapback was real fuck him UP, me clapping: MARK HIM MARK HIM, GOD DAMN IT WITH THESE ONGOING FUCKING CLIFF HANGERS FML, marked via knotting? Okay that’s new, but also like normal marking I think, fucking til bottom pees trope

Heaven Officials Blessing

Animated series season 1 complete. Live action currently filming (same director as Untamed too UGH SO HAPPY)

Tags: ongoing, same author as my fav ever MDZS, just finished season 1 animated on netflix and can no longer avoid this because I LOVE THEM, all the memes on IG make sense now, Prince voice: Dearly Beloved (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXJhDltzYVQ) we are gathered here today to dive deeper into a fandom I will never escape, ART IS AMAZING (https://tenor.com/view/incredible-talented-lady-brilliant-gaga-gif-14857187), group chats are always chaotic tbh, wait a minute meme audio: bride = bottom? How tf did I not get that the first time round *sigh* always hoping for a verse couple, the asst. Boys I ship hard, the sass, fuck this is going to just be pure angst isn’t it *straps in, has fluffy manga queued*, even if no smut 11/10 gege porn, not subtle, god FUCK this ART IS SO FUCKING GOOD THE TALENT skjas;ldkfja;, 🥺, traumatic cliff moment *mdzs flashbacks*, HC smirk is my new favorite thing, no fucking but lots of touching, size difference, horror, gore, wuxia, great side characters, my ear feels tingly too lmao, SOMEONE BETTER GET THESE MF SNAKES ON THIS MF PLANE (cliff), umbrella moments got me uwu, gimme at least didi pleaseandthankyou, FUCK I LOVE THIS ARTIST she keeping us WELL fed with these extras DAYUM, wind/earth master ship please sail, CALL ME DADDY IM DEAD, HC has LWJ energy like you are not qualified to talk to me LOL, WAIT this totally counts as there was only one bed trope, also I’m already excited about omegaverse ff (send me recs please please please)

4 week lovers

Tags: ongoing because apparently I want to torture myself, mutual pining/”unrequited love”, college life, friends to lovers, blackmail ur crush into sex trope, public sex, I was going to tag possessive body language but possessive in a general sense apparently (starting strong yessss), sure jan @unrequited love dialogue, THEY WERE ROOMMATES *cackles*, sus haha, rough translation, pure comedy, shirt thing!, casual abuse :( (back story, traumatic childhood), I’m getting TharnType vibes (but not quite…), that note is precious, cry during/after sex, great angles, dialogue A+ 

Burlesque Night

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, stripper/body guard, coworkers, lust at first sight, magic mike vibes, fridays = getting fucked on stage O-O, well that was traumatizing af, took a bullet, real dicks, LDR, CUTE, I’m not in love with you… sure jan, OH WOW MASTER dlksaj;alsdkja;lsdkja;sld, gay awakening/first time, the art detail is *chefs kiss*, disappointed but not surprised :( :( :(, we stan a yes and lover, shirt thing, still not sure wtf the vertical anus thing is but full circle moment haha, you know what fuck it I’d re-read this 9/10

My one and only cat

Tags: ongoing, cat hybrids, god damn it I’m totally in furrydom ffs, ah well here we go, idol hot = loneliness wahhh /s, so hot he literally transforms other beings, omg a cat cafe CUTE, fuck that cat is cute *so fluffy*, stalker status, comedy, real dicks, I think the uncle would be supportive/jealous even I hope they talk about it I’m dying to know his thoughts, big tiddies, if this ain’t the cutest shit FLUFF/SMUT, copious amounts of cum, ate it with the panties on, CAKE, xmas, his milkshakes bring all the boy(cats) to the yard, trifling bitch

Imitation Mate

Tags: completed, omegaverse, alpha x alpha. Class rivals YAS, childhood frans, enemies to lovers omg this is all the shit I want, manipulation 1000 but yolo I ship it

Mr. 100% Perfect

Tags: ongoing, so relatable, OCD?, hoarder, when I read the title I thought mental illness and I was right, masks ugh RELATABLE, getting back together w ex, woof sibling drama/manipulation, suicide attempt, omg their communication regarding the psycho is REFRESHING, OMG JEJU ISLAND I see it in every fucking kdrama ever but this is the first time I’ve seen it mentioned in a manga *hm* interesting, furry furry everywhere, eye contact, finished reading season 1 pause for an omergaverse cause, okay I’m back and season 2 starting STRONG #1 men are gross #2 mans just went right to a blowie while mf was trying to pee lmao i can NOT the germs barf, fuckboi extraordinaire stressing over a textback is *great*, that istg face is perfect, HYUNGGGG, hand on his heart OW MY HEART, vibe check LOL, here for this plot dev, END OF SEASON2 NOOOOOOOimnotready. Head bonks CUTE

The origin of species

Tags: ongoing, omegaverse, sex tape, blackmail, i already don’t like this teacher, size difference, ‘JUST DIE’ hahahahahaha, I’m in love with noona, wait Ahjussi means uncle/mister? Dangerous convenience store has a new meaning to me now, DECEASED @they won’t, copious amounts of cum, alcohol to have intimacy *sighs in early 20s*, also WTF THEY ARE FUCKING AND THERE’S NO PHERMONE STUFF! What’s the point of being ABO without smell *swaggy p meme???*, wait okay ch 11 it begins, stockholm syndrome but since childhood I’m fairly certain *looking at you teacher I don’t trust these mfs*, dubcon obviously, also the can’t be knotted thing has me *cardi b meme that’s weird that’s sus* obvs poor bb about to get preg af, five word horror story: I won’t hurt you again *why tf you lyinggggg why u always lyinggg meme*, white collar crime, what’s the point of a contract when there’s no actual choice

How to Chase an Alpha

Tags: ongoing, lowkey been avoiding this one not because I think it’ll be bad I just..idk the brain is a weird thing, page 2 and I love mains attitude fucking gagged sass me bb, starting with rough translation but it be that way sometimes, GROUNDS HIMSELF BY TOUCHING HIS BLACK CARD I CANTTT, pheromone city fuck it UP, MC is a MOOD, mutual pining, when u and bae both hire PI’s to get info on each other, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, shirt thing, fucking chuffed about the rival fucking bring it, funny art, cheated on ugh mah heart I saw it coming and it still hurt, pure comedy this airport scene is so funny to me wtf, LDR, good ol murica fuckboi, LOVE HIM RIDE FOR UR MAN/MORALS, liams a little rapey rapist hm? No one’s ever said no… well being flooded with pheromones isn’t consent my dude, istg liam = I love it when they struggle, obvs jealousy/possessive tag but such is ABO, cat suit, BUNNY suit, sexy costumes, god damn it I love them that proposal/mpreg so cute, imprinting AW, ugh baes fam is so cute I needed that bc I wanna strangle wooyoungs dad, THE SECETARY is my fucking fav never stops being A+, SEC+LIAM?? Here for it *i ship it*, FUCK SO CUTE 12/10 re-read, fluff n smut, excited for how to chase an omegaside story hyung needs love!, JINI is mood, sales king I’m dying, that collar is ~hot~ btw

Egoism

Tags: completed (because jesus I can’t with ongoing, theheartbreakTM), UPDATE FML THE HEART BREAK IS REAL also no smut, omegaverse, hey stepbro, starts with rape, possessive/jealousy (isn’t all ABO?), age difference (6years, alpha is younger *can I get hyung plz lord*), HYUNG, woof this dad SUCKS, child abuse, rape culture *sigh*, I wanna get jacked like rick and summer and beat tf out of the dad, me n my cat, TELL EM HONEY I love this MC, traitor indeed, beta x omega btw, fated pair, coercive sex, didi going to be his own demise, BREAKUP/TIME SKIP NO this is BL hell, the rona is mentioned in this, ALL I WANT IS TO HEAR YOUR STORY WAHHHHHHHHHH also YES MY SHIP IS GOING TO SAIL I CAN FEEL IT, okay honestly frustrating a bit but also liked it yah 7-8/10, won’t re-read unless I’m looking for hurt though cause the comfort is BRIEF

Yarichin bitch bu

Tags: ongoing, reading because I watched this anime after seeing it mentioned in the comment section of -im-being-harassed-by-the-sexiest-man-of-the-year, anime was 2 eps a fucking wild the way this is uploaded SUCKS, no reality porn what plot rape-y ridiculous and now I need to read the source apparently haha, I need to know much more about yuri and blue hair guy ASAP (they have the spin off*adds to list*), high school setting, smut, studentsxstudents/teachers, photography club my ass, sex toys, kinky, crossdressing, gay awakening, unrequited love, jealousy, fake relationship, two faced people, OCD, COMEDY, rich people problems, hoarder, inferiority complex, one bed, toono is a dumbass in this love triangle or denial might be a better word, they are cousins my dude stop shipping it (I say to both toono and myself LOL), I wanna see Yuri’s face laksdjf;aldskf, vibrator #18 line is fucking iconic, yaguchi is about to get real interesting (BPD?), lies/manipulation, oh toono you sweet summer child, YURI i can’t wit chu, wait did he just punch the student because he won’t kiss him or???, dubcon/noncon obvs, finally my verse couple but they’re not a couple (yuri/tamu), they all care about each other is a weird way awwww, love confessions to pet vibrator scene are ICONIC MY DUDES I CAN NOTTT, lowkey living for Yuri’s drooling at this point, Jimi gives me such bad second hand embarrassment, Yuri the switch verse bb I’ve been looking for need more!, internalized homophobia, blackmail, MIDDLE FINGER IN THE AIR YAS KING, the heartbreak of ongoing/hasn’t been updated in years

Yarichin bitch bu dj wa

Tags: not completed I think, years old though, see above you know what it is, so cute omg, FIRST KISS AW, degradation kink?, MY VERSE COUPLE I’ve finally found you, biting, choking, rough sex, sex toys, they had fun together for another two hours DECEASED

Fucked by my Best Friend

Tags: ongoing, friends to lovers, body swap, Porn what plot, cannon threesomes in past maybe??(MFF for sure but MMF??), beach life, revenge, he became a HOT woman so honestly get over it, sloppy seconds, first off you’re both sluts second lmao this is going to be wild hm?, fellas is it gay if you kiss the homies, classic did you cum guy jfc, that’s how you get preg dumbass, ah the joys of being a woman /s assault in der clrub, *DEEP SIGH* @ you almost being raped turns me on, YES TURNING BACK DYING, gender has nothing to do with this LOL but true. Also yes cannon threesomes/orgies, googles frotting, mans like narrating playtime, intecurial sex public sex, lingerie, this is the closest thing to straight manga I’ve read hahaha, THE SCIENCE OMG FUCKING RIDIC :you need a mass amount of semen within you SURE JAN, possessive. Objectification, she trying to fuck without Shion LMAO, 34+35, do you think he’s on r/nofap, dry orgasm honestly impressed with mans rn ngl, spit as lube, anal fingering, just helping the homies find their prostate, bottom shaming (disappointed but not surprised), bis/gays in denial smh, question if he has a wet dream will he turn into a woman?, shirt thing, lol at female orgasm =anal in switcharoos mind, paging doc perv, shion is enjoying dressing up hm? Same dude, biggest reality gap is believing shion got admitted to a college HAHA, bad anatomy all over the place dude, rui is a dedicated exhibitionist, HE SO TIGHT BECAUSE THERES NO LUBE team no lube over here apparently not even a courtesy spit, yandere territory sort of?, Mayu with the dick wet comment is *chefs kiss*, THE HEARTBREAK OF ONGOING WAHHH I can’t believe I read all this but I can? 8/10 problematic possessive porn

[17wishbones]

IT’S FINALLY HERE! Chapter 2 is finally finished. I’ve been doing a lot this week at the home but what really kept me up and off editing was binging Demon Slayer. The meme factor was so good in the last few chapters I read, as well as the action, that I was up late two nights in a row getting it in. In the future, I definitely plan to buy and own Demon Slayer and Berserk. Now, this one, I took some ideas from my experience of studying in Japan from 2012, as well as others who visited and told me what they saw, and applied it here. Hope you guys like it! And Chapter 3 is on the way!

- - - - - - - - 

                                           Chapter 2: Diamond Among a Dozen

Saturday night came a lot quicker than you thought. You’d been with the man officially for a week. Rengoku, as you remembered, wasted no time on becoming your boyfriend. It was the morning after that he said, “After what happened last night, I must make sure I take care of you from here on out! As lovers!”

You don’t know what or how Rengoku got you to agree to being together, but it was far too late to question that as you stood before a restaurant booming with conversation, clinking glasses, food sizzling, and laughter. You spent the whole day with him and now he had convinced you to meet a few of his friends.

“Okonomiyaki?” You smelled an amazing aroma wafting from the restaurant. Rengoku had explained it to you before that okonomiyaki was like making a non-traditional pancake. “Smells amazing.”

Rengoku warmed from your touch. You linked your arm with his, casting him as the lead to which he loved. You were usually the one to take lead in your last relationship, going off from ‘whatever you wanna do’ replies. Here, this flame-headed monster of the sheets brought you out with a plan to be acquainted -or more- with his friends. “Nn! It’s ‘all-you-can-eat’ and they serve alcohol, too!”

You cut your eyes at him. “That’s how we ended up in the predicament we did last week.”

“And it’s how I was able to become your boyfriend!” he answered, proud.

You sighed softly. “I can’t argue with that.” You were attached to his side, arm wrapped around his as you stood just a step behind him. “You do work fast, but the end result is looking promising.”

“Promising enough that you’ll say yes when I propose to you in the near future!”

“You’d put a ring,” you held your left hand out to his face, “On this finger?”

“Yes,” he kissed the top of your hand, “I’d put one on every finger if I could.” You chuckled as he planted more kisses on your hand and then on your forehead.

The moment you two met, you were inseparable. Rengoku couldn’t wait to squeeze in more ‘study sessions’  with you.

You both made quite the interesting pair. Rengoku was already a looker but the fiery mane was well known in the country due to it running in the family, as he told you. And you were ‘that bitch’ that ended up with one of the most well-known men in the country. The stares and the disgruntled looks would have steered you from being out of the spotlight but Rengoku made you forget all about what was happening around you whenever you two were together.

He made you feel like you were the only girl in the world.

“Are you ready to meet them?”

“I think so. I don’t know if my Japanese will be up to par, though.”

“Not to worry, Sunflower! Tonight will be like an English Corner. They want to get to know you and practice English with a native speaker.”

“You’re as native as they come, though, Kyōjurō-kun.” 

“Thank you! I have an accent, however, so it is not truly native like yours.” He smiled. “Let’s go in. They’re waiting for us.”

Kyōjurō guided you in, spotting the colorful bunch in a back corner of the restaurant, set around a large table with a built-in grill on it.

“About time you two ‘lovebirds’ got here! I’m starving here!” You were shocked at how naturally the white-haired one spoke. 

Rengoku bowed. “Excuse us for making you all wait.” He cleared his throat. “Everyone, I want you to formally meet _____ _____, my girlfriend!” His exclamations of telling people you were his girlfriend made you sweat nervously on the outside but made you feel unbelievably good on the inside. It felt like he couldn’t wait to show you off.

A beautiful pair of violet-eyed sisters caught your attention. “Ah, this is the infamous ‘Sunflower’ you’ve been talking about? She’s even lovelier in person.”

“So are you! And your sister, right?”

She nodded. “Mhm. I’m Kocho Kanae. And this is my younger sister, Kocho Shinobu. She was interested in meeting a foreign exchange student, so I hope you don’t mind her coming along.”

“Not at all. It just means I’ll be watching how I drink.”

“How considerate of you, Sunflower!” Rengoku praised you. “I cannot guarantee I will be able to do the same.”

“Not when I’m around!” A tall, white-haired, dressed to death stud of a man stood up from the table and gave Rengoku a good hug before looking down at you. Goddamn, he was tall. “I’m Uzui Tengen, this guy’s best friend right here. Call me surprised when he told me he had made you his girlfriend.”

You gasped. “You knew!?”

“WE ALL KNEW!!”

“That’s Shinazugawa Sanemi. He’s just hungry so don’t worry about him.” Tengen shooed his angry reply with a wave. “And, of course, we knew. The day before, he told me that he wanted to make it official with you when we went out for drinks. Right?”

“Nn! He told me to follow my heart and take a chance!”

“And now you two are super lovey-dovey, that’s great! Sit down and let’s get to stuffing our faces already!” Sanemi had hangry written all over his scarred face.

“Come on, man, you’re with me.” He nodded at Rengoku to sit with him and Sanemi. “_____, you’re with these fine ladies here.”

The Kocho sisters scooted over as you sat down, sitting across from your bae, your boothang. ‘Damn, this is wild.’ You listened as they talked to the server about what they wanted to get in order for everyone to make their own. They spoke fast, softly, enthusiastically, and charmingly to the female waitress with Tengen flirting with her. ‘I feel like I’m living in a fantasy.’ You observed his interactions with the others, though you were still working on your listening and comprehension, and found him growing on you more. ‘Whenever he speaks, it holds merit. When he walks, every stride has purpose, confidence. Whenever he looks at me with those vibrant eyes,’ as if he heard, he looked your way, smiling wide, ‘I really do find myself falling in love with him, as strange as that is. And nooooo, me, it’s not just because of the sex. That’s a bonus!’

Rengoku smiled your way when he noticed you staring at him. He was brimming with love and affection whenever you looked at him fondly. He reached out his hand across the table, taking yours in his when he felt your fingertips run down his fingers to his palm.

Shinazugawa was shouting, “THAT LOVEY-DOVEY SHIT IS PISSING ME OFF! JUST EAT!!” He happened to be cooking the food. He was surprisingly good at it.

Rengoku laughed it off as he continued holding your hand. Tengen, Kanae, and Shinobu eyed you two. They noticed how much brighter Rengoku glowed when he was around you. It looked like, sounded like, and felt like love.

“_____-san, kare to kekkon suru tsumori desu ka?” (_____, are you going to marry (Rengoku) him?)

Your eyes nearly popped out from your skull when Shinobu sweetly asked you if you were going to marry-- “Kare desu ka?” (Him?) Kanae nodded her head over to Rengoku who happened to be enveloped with Tengen and Shinazugawa in what sounded like an intriguing conversation. Towards you, they spoke English, but to each other, they spoke in their native tongue, Japanese.

You peered at him and nodded your head. “Sou omoimasu yo.” (I think so.) You felt Rengoku squeeze your hand. He heard your response and was feeling even more cheerful than when he announced you as his girlfriend to those closest to him. Imagine him exclaiming at the top of his lungs that you were his wife?

You didn’t think about how your parents would feel about this. You were the only child, and expected to, at least from one of them, get married and settle back home, but that wasn’t truly on your mind. You wanted to see and explore the world, possibly make a name for yourself.

Becoming Rengoku’s girlfriend wasn’t something you had expected. Hell, you even swore off of relationships when you broke up with your ex, that you wouldn’t let ‘love’ interfere with your life. Well, haha, jokes on you because Rengoku swindled that thought out of your head and filled your mind with new, and old, memories of you and him.

You weren’t supposed to just be falling in love like this, but how could you not? There were a few good examples of how he was capturing your heart with ease. His good morning texts were the cutest. He’d message you before walking up to the girl’s dorm so you both walked to school together. He always ate with you at lunch, naming the food gotten from the university cafeteria. He offered to buy you whatever you pleased, though it wasn’t necessary because you had some money of your own to spend. And he was always in high spirits when you were around.

He was just fantastic, but it left you thinking of what his parents may think of the relationship as well since they’ve arranged potential wives for him before, being the influential people that they are.

‘He’s so down to earth,’ you withdrew your hand as Shinazugawa started serving everyone their custom okonomiyaki. Shinobu was puffing up at Tengen wanting to taste yours, Kanae, and her okonomiyaki. ‘So kind. So friendly. So… expressive. So crazy.’ A smile spread on your lips. ‘Maybe I’m a fool for being this into him but…’

“Sunflower! Try some of mine!” He offered you a piece of his first, a good chunk of it held between two slim chopsticks. You accepted by leaning forward and letting Rengoku feed it to you. “It’s delicious, isn’t it?” He dove in himself, shouting out a loud “UMAI!!” for the whole restaurant to hear.

‘Can you blame me?’

- - - - - - - - - -

“It was so good to meet you, _____-san. Let’s meet up again soon.”

“Jyaa mata ne, minna-san! Nee-chan, ikimashō!” (See you guys. Let’s go, big sis!)

You waved goodbye to Kanae and Shinobu as they made their way home. 

“Now that leaves only us,” Tengen commented, “Let’s go out to a club! I know one that plays a lot of English music where you’re from, _____-san. Maybe you can show us your moves.”

You were intrigued, “Club, you say?” You were so down. “Let’s go! It’ll be the four of us, yeah?”

“Count me out.” Shinazugawa waved his hand, declining to hang out. “I have some work to finish on. You all have fun or whatever.” And then there were three.

“That’s two of us so far! And you?”

“Of course, I’ll come! I wouldn’t miss the chance of seeing my Sunflower dance.”

“Alright!” Tengen pulled out his phone. “I already got a ride for us. Wait until you see her.” No sooner had he spoken until a car parked right before you. Rolling down the window, you were just taken aback. This girl driving the whip was fine af! Tattoos, unique haircut, simple eye makeup, and a banging fit from what you could see.

“Konnichiwa, bitches!” Oop! If it weren’t for Rengoku stealing your heart, she would’ve had it. “Y’all ready to party?”

‘Fuck, her English is good, too!’ 

“You betcha sweet ass we are, babe! Come on guys, get in!” Tengen sat in the front, leaning over to give her a sloppy kind of kiss. Hot. You and Rengoku slid into the backseat.

“Gonna introduce me to your friends, Uzu-baby?” She asked.

“Right, right! Kyōjurō, _____, this is Minx, she’s a famous DJ around these parts. Her mixes and playlists are unmatched!”

“You got that right. _____, yeah? Hope you’re ready to throw some ass tonight!”

‘Throw some ass?’ Rengoku questioned.

“Well,” you started, “That depends if he can handle it.” You glanced from Rengoku to Minx, smirking all the while.

“Can I handle it?” Rengoku questioned with a raised brow.

“I like her! You should bring her out more often!”

Tengen, you had to admit, was an interesting character. He had an interesting tattoo over his left eye and wore bright clothes. His whole style screamed flamboyant!

Yours and Rengoku’s styles couldn’t compare. Rengoku wore a white V-neck (his favorite kind of colored shirt), and slim jeans. He was looking mighty thick in them, too.

You, on the other hand, couldn’t believe that Rengoku encouraged you to come out dressed in this matching thin red jacket, short red shorts, and a plain white shirt. Where were you about to run to? She’s a runner, she’s a trackstar looking a--

“And we’re here! Go ahead and throw these on.” Minx handed you three badges.

“Backstage passes?”

“Something like that,” she laughed. “You just don’t worry about getting hassled by security ‘cause you guys are with me tonight.”

“You’re the best, babe.” Another hot kiss for the road. “Come on, let’s go! There’s a few shots calling our names.”

“Shots?” You inquired.

“Every time we go out, we always have a handful of shots!” Rengoku cupped your chin and planted a chaste kiss on your lips, sure to keep things light for now.

“Okay, okay, okay, I cannot wait to see what you’re both like when drunk!” You laughed.

“You’re drinking too.” Tengen said with a straight face. 

‘Oh shit.’ 

- - - - - - - - - - 

You three were deep in the water at this point. Not even two hours and you’ve all swallowed a total of seven shots a piece. A blowjob, lemon drop, patron, absinthe, a pickleback (whiskey and pickle juice), tequila, and a sweet mixture called ‘Don’t Go Home Tonight’. 

You don’t know about them but you were feeling goooood.

The three floor club was bumping with all kinds of music that each DJ played, but you all made sure to be on Minx’s floor as her mixes got you moving. The crowd was coming in and filling up the bars, getting blitzed in order to get it bumping on the dancefloor that was still somewhat bare.

But when you heard your shit come on, it was over with! The floor called for you. You answered, of course, leaving from between Tengen and Rengoku as you waltzed to the middle of the floor and started dancing and singing your heart out.

“Oh! There she goes!” Tengen shouted as he and Rengoku both turned about face to see you running up to the dancefloor. “She’s something else, man!”

Rengoku ogled the way you moved, the way your hips oscillated back and forth with the rhythm as you mouthed every word to the verses and chorus. You danced like no one was watching you when, at the very least and the very most, his eyes were on you. Greetings from familiars save Tengen went unnoticed as you made the dancefloor yours. The song, as raunchy as it sounded, brought out the playful and exciting side of you like it had when you both went to karaoke last week.

“Oh, that’s my song! I love this artist!” Minx mixed in some J-pop and you were about to go wild before people flooded the dancefloor once they had more liquid courage in them. 

You strolled over to Rengoku with your hands gliding up and down your body as you rolled your body up against his, with Tengen and the crowd getting quite the show. You twirled around and grinded up against him slowly as you ran your fingers through his hair and down his neck as you sang, mouthing the words, ‘Tabetai deshō?’ (in context to the lewd song: Do you want to eat me/it?)

Rengoku realized moments too late when you left a cold space before him as you made your way back to the dancefloor. That tease had him thinking nasty real quick, but Tengen brought him out of it. “Go get her, man!” With a push on the middle of his back, Rengoku found himself propelling forward until he reached you.

You were momentarily shocked, as most guys you’ve danced on in the club stayed on the wall, but here Rengoku was with his hands at your waist and pulling you towards him as he did his best to follow your flow.

He honestly wasn’t that bad of a dancer, either.

The world around you shrunk as your attention fell on him. Everything felt too good to be true. Had you shifted yourself into a different reality? A fantasy-- Rengoku broke you from your thoughts as he leaned in. “I’ll take you up on your offer. I know I can handle that.” Now wasn’t the time for him to make you wet... yet. - - - - - - - -  Chapters: 1 (Part 1) / (Part 2) / (Part 3) / 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7

[mintchocolatechipnut]

the boys but they’re idols

ft. bakugou katsuki. midoriya izuku & todoroki shouto

Note: yes, I missed prime pun opportunity to write ‘the boyz’ in the title. Anyway, I’ll be general enough to not include any real-life names and music, but I’ll get specific about other details. (Besides, if you squint real close you can see where I got my references from.) I’m thinking of a follow-up part, but we’ll see. Hope you enjoy!

* These headcanons are detailing each of the boys as a member in a hypothetical idol group, and not that they’re all in the same group.

** For context: the difference between main and lead positions is that main is the position that gets majority of the activity e.g. song, dance, rap, etc. Lead is more of a supporting role, but still important nonetheless. 

Tags: idol!au, no x reader for this one, unless??, as you can see from the word length I think you’ll know who I’m partial to

Word count: 3.3k

BAKUGOU KATSUKI

Obviously an all-rounder. He can sing, dance, and rap, though his forte is definitely dancing.

Bakugou obviously has some mad hand-eye coordination if he can play the drums, and I haven’t even brought in his utilizing it through his quirk and fighting talent. He’s also very flexible when twisting through the air and extremely precise with his explosions

Thus, I’d say that his moves are the most on-beat and precise. He’s got very solid moves when dancing; imagine his limbs cutting the air in sharp, refined movements, and his flexibility leads him to be an overall powerful dancer.

Bakugou is a HUGE stickler for technique. Sure, he’s not above improvisation, but technique’s where he excels the most. He’s looking far ahead enough to not want to jeopardize his health by doing some dangerous moves that could potentially hurt his body, so he always takes extra care when going about them, such as taking advanced dance classes.

He works wonderfully as a center, because not only does he have this charisma that makes people unable to look away from him, his perfected balance between his fierce dancing and his emphasis on technique lead him to be a picture of refined strength, and an absolute delight to watch on stage

His facial expressions are definitely the best when he’s performing powerful songs, probably because he’s naturally angry lol. His worst concept has got to be cute, but while he dreads doing it, it’s not like he can’t pull it off. He’s an idol, dammit.

Bakugou’s that one member who wears a headband or bandanna during cutesy performances and sticks with it, because that’s the closest the stylists are ever gonna get to his hair

God forbid if he ever has curly or straight hair

He’s not against dying it though, but he still cares about the repercussions it has on his body, so he tries to refrain from dying it too often. (Which could be inevitable if his managers require him to, I know that. But I’m going to give the boys a little more leeway here to showcase their personalities.)

Anyway, a bandanna suits him just fine, and now he’s the trademark member with the bandanna haha

Some things that don’t change from canon are obviously his schedule. Boy still wakes up at the crack of dawn, probably goes for runs or do sets in the gym, make himself a healthy breakfast, then get down to work

Now I’m conflicted as to what position he would take in a group; I’m leaning towards main dancer

Then again, he IS an all-rounder, so really you could get him to do anything and he’ll be just fine

It’s not in his nature to fail, after all

He can sing, but since his voice is kind of gravelly he’s not the first choice for a main vocal. Strong lead vocal material, I’ll bet, because his voice adds a lot of color and diversity. It’s not something you’d usually hear in a song, that’s why.

He can rap, but again, his voice is gravelly and hard to hear, so I don’t think it would be too good a fit for fast-paced raps. Though, throw him one or two iconic rap lines in his natural ‘I’ll punch you in the face’ tone and you’ve got yourself an icon (and a meme) for days.

I can also see Bakugou being leader of the group, since in canon he’s actually the oldest in class 1-A. One thing though is his outward persona isn’t all that pristine; he has trouble switching gears into idol mode. As we know Bakugou doesn’t lie, regardless of circumstances, and he’s not about to start doing that just to be liked better. If any of these extras are going to be his fans, they’re going to have to recognize real talent, without all the fake smiles.

But because he knows what it could do to the group’s reputation if he came out to look like a big bad bully, he usually keeps his mouth shut during publicity events

He’s probably one of the first idols to have a not-so-sunny media persona, but fans mostly see him as this brooding, sulky kid that’s prepared to put 100% into everything he does

Which is why they still like him

Suffice to say, his fan-base is very similar to the BNHA fandom lmao

Cue all the memes on him being a jerk and everyone liking him anyway, but they know he’s fully committed to the group and wouldn’t want to do anything to risk its image

But over the years, and with the amount of events he’s been involved in, Bakugou’s learnt to let out his true personality one step at a time

He’s considering things carefully because he doesn’t want his fans to be jarred by his personality change all of a sudden, and also because he’s tired keeping up appearances

Jokes on him because the fans already know how he is and are just waiting for him to be more comfortable around the group to showcase his true feelings

And you know what? It sells!

His members also see him as some inspirational figure because his determination and commitment is truly unparalleled

And while he isn’t the easiest to get along with, they know that he’ll do anything within his abilities to push the group to greater heights

While that’s cute and all, it also means they have to suffer at the hands of Bakugou’s tough love. Tough luck

Besides being leader, I could also see him having a hand in producing as well

Remember when I said he was a stickler for technicality? Well, yeah, exactly this

If he feels something isn’t up to par he’d rather do it himself. I think he’d dabble in mixing for a bit and realize he actually has an ear for it, to which he’d then go on to producing whole songs that just awe his members and they’d be like ‘yeah let’s go with this’

And one more thing. Bakugou’s actually got an eye for fashion

Yeah, gripe all you want because all this boy ever wears in the dorms is skull shirts and black tanks but seriously, when he gets down to it, he knows what looks perfect on each member and can make little adjustments to change up a whole style

Courtesy of having designer parents lmao

Overall Bakugou is nothing if not capable. While it means he could definitely go solo at some point, he’s formed bonds with his members and knows he’s grown as a person as a result. And at this point he can only get better

In a leader position, he’s got the charisma, and is not afraid to push for changes if he thinks the status quo isn’t doing enough to ensure the members’ well-being

His weaknesses are obviously teamwork and perfectionism, but he’s been learning how to get along with others better, that it’s not all just a rat race for fame and influence, and he’s able to form some pretty lasting relationships (see: Kirishima)

Not perfectionism, though. He sees it as a strength and not for one second will he compromise. He wants nothing but the best quality, not just for himself, but for the fans

MIDORIYA IZUKU

Looks like the maknae but isn’t. That’s it, that’s the post

He has a really sweet voice so I can see him going for vocals. So imagine when he turns around, holds a mic in his hand and starts RAPPING

You got it, he’s a rapper. Look at the speed that kid goes when he’s mumbling and muttering to himself all the time

Cue Deku’s origin story where he’s mumbling to himself on the street and a talent scout hands him his business card asbfajgfsa

His enunciation is also clear, and his sweet voice makes for a very refreshing rap. That and he also writes his own rap, because if he’s going to be saying anything on that stage, he’s going to want it to mean something.

His raps are always soulful, with hard-hitting lyrics that serve to encourage and motivate anyone who hears and vibes with them.

Basically, his gap moe game is STRONG. Dude be spitting fire up there on stage but once he’s come down, he’s a timid, sweet, shy boi, with overreactions and exaggerations that just make him all the more endearing

He’s also a big fan favorite because he nails every concept well, and has a very down-to-earth personality which he doesn’t hide from the cameras

You want him to act cute and youthful? You’ve got it. You want him to go for something sexy? Um yeah, he’ll have his reservations, but he’ll still do well. You want him to be angry and powerful? The strength in his gaze has got you trembling from the pit.

He’s not just a fan favorite but also that of the staff. Seriously Deku deserves all the love in the world and in this world, he’s going to get it

He’s in the position for main rapper, but I could see him going for lead vocals as well. He’s got a sweet, clear voice that immediately tugs on anyone’s heartstrings the moment they hear it, and he’s usually given more lines in ballads. His vocal range isn’t bad, he can reach moderately high notes, but sometimes his voice undergoes strain. He’s training for that, though!

As for his dance style, Deku probably goes for freestyle! He’s got this easy-going, totally relaxed style going for him that’s full of swag (omg outdated word alert) that makes his movements very smooth. He’s also reasonably flexible, though not as flexible as Bakugou or Todoroki, so he still can pull off certain dance moves.

Unpopular opinion, but it’s Deku, not Todoroki, who looks good in EVERYTHING. Literally his stylist is squealing backstage because they can go ham on dressing him. You could put him in a gold chain and ripped jeans OR an oversized hoodie and rompers, and it’d just go. The only thing is his hair though; he’s thinking of selling it as his charm point (not his freckles!) so he’d prefer if it could stay green. He doesn’t mind if they style it different ways though

The fans would go ballistic if they saw Deku with an undercut, and chances are they’re going to get to see it

He’s definitely one for improvisation! He’s very flexible with these changes, much like how he considers his growth in canon. He’s always looking to try out new styles or moves and see if it fits for him

Besides, I also see him producing! It’s because he’s so immersed in his idol career that he’s always studying new trends on the scene and making them into formulas for the group. He’s also thinking of marketing strategies in his free time

Everyone better be afraid of businessman Deku because he’ll be stealing those bucks from right under your nose

He’s also got mean leadership skills, but I don’t see him in a leader position

Rather, he’s like the second-eldest-but-co-leader kind of guy! He assists the leader in any way he can, and always serves to inspire and motivate the younger ones to work harder together as a team

Deku’s still got that shounen-protagonist charm, even in this world

But for all his good points, Deku still worries he isn’t enough

He knows how cut-throat the industry can be, having studied it inside and out, and he doesn’t want to lag behind

Cue him getting up at odd hours of the morning to use the practice studio (without waking up the others, of course) and other instances

Whenever his members realize he’s been overworking, literally everyone turns on him

He used to be the mom figure, but the moment he’s ushered into bed, a cooling pad on his forehead and thermos at his bedside desk, and the members even station one person to be in the living room so if he tries to leave his room to practice by himself they’ll see him

Jokes on them because Deku practices in his room

He practically moves in his sleep as if trying to get the muscle memory down

Precious boy must protecc!

In sum, Deku’s a great teammate to have and a valuable asset to the team

He’s also the best of friends and is never one to let a fellow member down

Probably the first to burst into tears if the group ever disbands

With his talent and fan-base, he could definitely go solo. But more than that, he wants to cherish the time he has with his members and achieve greater milestones with them every day

TODOROKI SHOUTO

High-key a visual. I mean, everyone wants to look like him!

Like. Everyone stops to look at him whenever he enters the room. Staff, producers, backstage crew, everyone. Even his members, sometimes.

Man’s just too pretty not to stare at

That's not to say he isn't talented, oh no. He's much like Bakugou, an all-rounder, but he's gone through rigorous training from when he was young to get there

Definitely not because of genes, no offense to Rei

As much as Enji is a major shareholder in the industry, anyone who sees Todoroki strut his stuff and still says he got in because of his father has got to be blind. Or deaf. Or plain stupid.

Sure, he had all that training courtesy of his dad. But the moment he enters as a trainee, it's all him from there and no one else.

He's a lot withdrawn at first, still is, but he's improved a lot from when he first joined. It's because of the support he's gained from both his members and fans that he's able to push himself to be the best version of himself everyday

He definitely doesn't come out and say it, but he's probably the most grateful for his fans. As in his family isn't the only lifeline left for him anymore

Todoroki has an amazing voice; while his speaking voice is low, he can reach higher notes without much difficulty. His tone is deep, somber and perfect for ballads, but the training he's undergone has made his technique immaculate. He's got excellent control, he can do runs and riffs effortlessly and he's even perfected his growl. Fans won't even see it coming

His dancing on the other hand is a lot about technique; but unlike Bakugou, Todoroki probably did classical and contemporary dance training as opposed to hip-hop or popping. Because of that, his movements are smooth and elegant, and he always carries himself with the grace of a dancer

That's not to say he cannot be an absolute beast on stage, of course. He's just more in his element when it comes to melancholic ballads, and he's had a hand in choreographing contemporary routines before

That experience and knowledge easily make him a capable choreographer for the group

After all those years of not being able to properly express himself, Todoroki learnt to let his dance tell a story in itself

He's also a fast learner, so any hip-hop techniques he easily picks up and incorporates into the routine

This makes me think he’s going to be a main dancer and a lead vocal, maybe even main vocal

I don’t see him in a leader position because while he has the charisma for it, I think he’d lack in communication, like Bakugou. They’re both a bit too used to doing things on their own that they 1) can’t trust anyone else to do it right and 2) as a result have never consulted other people about how they do things

The difference is Bakugou is a little more observant and far-thinking enough to be a leader, but it doesn’t make Todoroki any less important

If anything, he’s the mom friend, and always makes sure that the members stay in line and out of trouble

Also, for some reason, he's got exceptional charisma on stage and he doesn't even know it

Like, a sexy song comes on and then there’s Todoroki's smoldering heterochromatic gaze

Fans: omgomgomg how is he so hot what the—

Him: ??? This is my normal face tho

It's a strange feeling. One moment, he can be humping the floor and another moment he's got dimples in his cheeks from smiling. It makes him look like a totally different person, even though he's the same guy

His fans don't know why either

As much as he has a creative outlet in dance, Todoroki thinks he has no talent for songwriting or producing. He doesn't consider them his areas of expertise and if he was asked to write lyrics he'd have a hard time because he rarely expresses himself with words. He'd fret on it and eventually not get much done, so why try?

He does help out though, in offering suggestions on how to proceed, but he won't take the lead for any of these. Only dancing

That and his growing up with a businessman father leads him to also know the industry rather well, so he can offer some insights as to what image they could go for and how to market their discography

When it comes to styling, Todoroki is an absolute Mess. The things he likes and wants to wear doesn't suit him all that much, and the stylists usually have a hard time picking out clothes that really accentuate his look and figure. The myriad of colors in his hair and face lead to color clashes, but they find that red and blue are usually the go-to colors.

Did I mention that Todoroki doesn't mind dying his hair as long as they don't dye the white part? Enough said

They've done rainbow on him before!

He also doesn't cover up his scar, and over the years he's learnt to make it his charm point

It serves to make him a noticeable figure in the industry (as if his heterochromia weren’t enough) but it also makes him easily recognisable to fans

It’s not like he doesn’t like interacting with his fans, but sometimes some of them get a little too close, or ask questions that are way too personal

During those times, he’s at least got his members to relate and support him through it

The cutest thing about this man has got to be when he interacts with fans

Like, he’s pretty expressionless most of the time, but he always makes sure that his fans know that he’s extremely happy to have them here, and that he’ll continue doing the best he can for them

If you’re lucky and catch a small smile from him when you’re at a fan sign, I guess you could die peacefully

To summarize, Todoroki is a sweet bean but hardly ever shows it

When people praise his looks, he’s humble about them (though it’s more because he doesn’t know or think he’s attractive… baby just doesn’t see it)

And to top it all off, he’s a charmer on and off stage  with his quiet, sensitive nature and calm demeanor

He’s also the one that’s most likely to have a modeling career outside of his idol work

He can’t act for the life of him even though he’s got the expressions right on stage

Like Deku and Bakugou, he could always go solo, but his reason for not doing so is mainly because he’s found a new family, here with his members, and he doesn’t want to lose it

He doesn’t even mind if they don’t produce music anymore. As long as everyone sticks together and has a good time, he’s willing

A/N: Thank you for reading! If you haven’t checked out my other pieces, you can find them on my masterlist; if you have, thank you for your support! I’m trying to post something new every week, so stay tuned :)

[izousaito]

For the kiss meme... 28 + 80 + 88 😘

a hundred different kisses...

hand kisses,

        This was a whole new, insane world. Nothing was familiar. Everything was too opulent by half, and the people around acted as if they owned the world. For all he knew, they did.

        “Just breathe,” a voice said from beside him. The new Zoisite looked up at the taller General, surprised at the advice. Did he seem so scared? Had he, in fact, stopped breathing at some point? His heart felt as if it might jump out of his chest.

        “But what if-”

        “Shh.” A large hand took his and lifted it, kissing the back. “You will be fine. Just act as if you belong. They will believe you. And if they do not, they would never dare to say otherwise aloud.”

        Zoisite’s fingers instinctively curled around the other’s, lacing for a moment before the hand was released. Just breathe... just breathe... 

        “Very well, then.” He tilted his chin upwards and forced a placid smile. “Shall we join the celebration?”

                                                           x x x

 crashing your lips together during an argument

        “You’re so stubborn!”

        Iarios nearly slammed the bowl down on the table. He hardly cared if it shattered at this point. Yet another night, yet another argument. It was almost always over something petty: staying out late, drinking, missed calls. Things that needed a good talking about, but the two of them harbored enough fire and venom to keep that from happening.

        “Stubborn? Me?” He turned around from the counter, glaring daggers at his boyfriend. “I’m the stubborn one for wanting to have friends?”

        “You don’t have friends! You have a dangerous delinquent who is going to ruin your life!”

        “You don’t know him! He’s a nice guy!”

        “You don’t know him! I have met more men like him than I can count on two hands!” Saito cleared the small apartment in seconds with long, aggressive strides. He towered over Iarios and placed a hand on either side of the younger’s frame, pinning him. 

        There would be no storming away from this argument.

        “I know his kind. And I know he will use you, hurt you, and break you.”

        Iarios’s lip curled. “Oh, yes, because you know very well how to do all those things t-”

        The biting remark was silenced with an abrupt, forceful kiss. This, too, he knew, was par for the course. This was how their arguments always went. With shouting, labored breaths, and then a kiss. His lips parted, and slender fingers lost themselves in silvered hair.

        Fiery tempers gave way to fiery passions... and the arguments would have to wait for another night. 

                                                          x x x

kisses in which ‘i’ll kiss you right now to prove i don’t feel anything for you’‘ but the kiss proves the opposite

        How long had it been? Too long? Not long enough? As much as they ran from it, there was still something there.

        How many relationships had they gone through? How many years? Ends of the world? Deaths? Rebirths? 

        A thousand years... and it was still there.

        Zoisite tried. He really tried. This was supposed to be the proof of it. One final kiss. One that would mean absolutely nothing. The closing of the final chapter of their era-spanning relationship.         And yet, pale lips parted against tanned ones, deepening what should have been a quick, chaste act. He gripped those broad shoulders and held Kunzite close. This could be salvaged. It could be saved. He could simply say that the leaning had caused his balance to falter.

        A hand rested against the small of his back, holding the other General in place. It was, for the first time in too, too long, that he felt entirely at home.

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 30.10.20 lb

lol ishani is suchhhhhhhhh a messy bitch. not even pretending to look less than outright gleeful.

le, iska rona shuru. god sis, you knowwwwwww these bitches have it out for you, then why do you give them the satisfaction of seeing this reaction???

yeh aadmi hai ya bhagwaan? koi bhi jagaah koi bhi time marzi se prakat ho jaata hai.

THAT FUCKING STUPIDASS SCARF IS RUINING THE WHOLEEEEEE LOOOK. GOD WHY DO THEY DO THIS TO HIM?????????

TUMNE JITNE TELLYWOOD FANS KO KHOOOON KE AANSOON RULAAYE HAINNNNA SHIRALI, BHAGWAN TUMHE IN PAAPON KE LIYE KABHI NAHI MAAF KAREGA!!!!!!!!!!

also, just noticed the set and production design credits and finally have names to put on all the hate mail i wanna send.

naaaah jk, i think it's really nice that they got employment in this pandemic, even with their OBVIOUS lack of taste. so much so, that it seems to be a medical condition! 

anyway, he said he got this sargi for ishani on behalf of angre, but since she's got hers anyway, this one can be given to riddhima. noice. this fucker be worming his way into my heart with shit like this.

inka phir se popat bann gaya.

mummy biting out and giving the worst blessing of all, “sadaa suhaagan raho.” which is just an elaborate way of saying "hope you die before your husband does, because life without a man is worse than death itself!!!!!!"

“thank you mummyji. aapne ~~sachchi neeyat~~~ se sargi taiyyar kii thi toh dekhiye, mere haath khaali nahi hain!”

lmao nice. where was this riddhima allllll along?????? i've been waitinggggg for this snarky bitchhhhh who doesn't take shit!!!!!

le, aadarsh bahu mode is back on. sab ke liye koi paath ka intezaam kiya. chanchal chachi was right, she's suchhhhh a annoying suck-up to dadi, honestly.

husband is like here, no one's looking; sneak some almonds, come on. yes, i approve. this the kinda man* you want ladies. one who's willing to have a few hours taken off his lifespan so you don't get hangry.

(*T&C strictly apply: only in this feeding waala criteria wrt this dude. baaki sab toh disaster hi disaster hai iss mein.)

“kaisi baat kar rahe ho??? vrat sachchi nishtha se kii jati hai. koi nahi dekh raha par bhagwaan dekh rahe hain!”

lmao, the most appropriate response. 

wait you guys genuinely need a gif of this moment, coz it’s priceless:

i can't believe they don't let this dude move his face in this show when he is the MOST ENTERTAINING when he doessssss.

he's like dude i'll adjust with the 2 hours less in my life, but dharampatni is i won’t let you escape a minute of suffering existence in this flesh prison we’re all trapped in, so help me god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

who the fuckkkkkkkkk is this????? and you know you didn't need a needle on the syringe for this whole thing, don't you???

vansh's "baaz ki nazar" toh i've long given up on, but riddhima's peripheral vision also seems to be completely shit if she didn't notice a wholeass person wrapped in all black skulking around directly in her eyeline, not 10 feet away.

lmaooooooo dadi is like tf you doing here, and the hasty retreat he beat. scaryass men soft for their sweet old grandmas is a trend i really do love in tellywood.

oh i like ishani's outfit.

blah blah blah KC gyaan idgaf.

riddhima has lit diya and instant cough attack from the smoke.

it's her. she's the one who did this. looks like she's okay with bhai dying a few days earlier than fated, as long as it means she knocks riddhima down a few pegs.

mummy rubbing it in saying dekho yeh akhand paath hai, beech mein rukna nahi chahiye, apshagun hota hai. godddddddddddddd.

I HONESTLY CANNOT WATCH HER COUGH AND CHOKE THROUGH THIS THE SHEER RIDICULOUSNESS OF THIS IS FUCKING KILLING MEEEEEEEEE

yeh lo ji, parmeshwar prakat ho gaye to save the day and read the paath himself.

all dudes in the world should be in whatever business this guy and angre are in. ki biwi mil gayi toh it manages itself while he devotes himself to her.

lmao the sheer earnestness with which he's narrating the KC paath. both wholesome and fucking hilarious. looks like those primary school kids at their first public speaking contest.

i am ishani. god, why won't this scene just endddddddd already, i'm dying of cringe.

whoooooooooooops. bhai is pointedly asking ki how riddhima's throat got messed up when she was fine like 3 min ago.

behen is giving earnesttttttt excuses and he's really "sure jan"-ing her.

dadi's all no matter what issues crop up in these two's lives, i'm sure they'll win over it with their lurrrrrrrrrrrrrrve. yeah, it looks that way rn, but i wouldn't be quite so optimistic yet, dadi.

literally no one is surprised by this revelation.

oh god, she has something more planned. man who are these ppl with so much energy in their lives WHILE PREGNANT, to do such scheming and plotting??????? just my period cramps have me taking 2 hours off work to curl up on my heat pad and cry about ouchieeeeeee.

great. ragini ko ab daure pad rahein hain.

and poor angre is saddled with getting her treatment. WHY DOES HE HAVE TO DEAL WITH ALL THESE TROUBLESOME WOMEN IN YOUR LIFE VANSH?!?!?! EK ADIYAL BEHEN ISKE SAR PE BAANDH DI HAI WOH KAAFI NAHI THA, KI AB INVALID EX KO BHI ISKE HI HAATH MEIN THAMAA DIYA. i know you got your hands full with that disaster wife of yours, but come on man.

oh god is he gonna blow up at her again for eavesdropping!?!!?!?!?

thank the lord above, she had airpods in. (also lmao, ofc she's literally the airpods meme.)

isn't HE supposed to give HER a gift today???

i liked his other watch better. but this watch is supposedly riddhima “ke dil ki dhadkano se judi hai” so........ i'm no expert in cutting edge watch technology, so sure. sounds like something that would be available for the wives of billionaire gangster’s wives to buy.

oh man she got herself a matching one. which ofc is “tumhare dil ki dhadkano se judi hai.” lord, she CHEESY CHEESYYYYYYYYYYYY. and i'm mildly lactose intolerant, so 🤢🤢🤢

this dude is not though. he falling for this hard and fast. which is....... unexpected. nice, but also suspicious.

“yeh ghadiyaan chahe rahein naa rahein riddhima, lekin tum mere dil mein hamesha rahogi.”

that's sweet. and i'd believe and squee over it if this was any other show. i would. but in this show, literally everyone other than dadi/siya is out to fuck each other over and i don't trust a single goddamn word out their hissy snake mouths.

aaaaaaaaaaaaand ofc he's vrat-ing for her too. BECAUSE THIS IS A FEMINIST SHOW WITH THIS VERY FEMINIST HERO OK?!!!!!!?!?!!!!?!? THIS ONE EPISODE ABSOLVES ALLLLLLLLLLLL THE OTHER 98 EPISODES FILLED WITH HOT FLAMING TRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!

“apni umar badhaake kya karoonga main, agar tum saath nahi ho. main chahta hoon ki tum meri zindagi ki aakhri saans tak mere saath raho.”

again, very very sweet and all, esp. with these soft melty eyes; but it's this show. and we saw the upcoming promo. sooooooooo, kill bill sirens in my head, i'm afraid.

both mann hi mann mein deciding to tell each other the truth about their backstories after the vrat. which should work out splendidlyyyyyyy.

lo ji dream sequence shuru. voot blocked the music but colors put up the scene with bol na halke halke on instaTV so i watched it there.

yesssssssssss you messy trainwrecks. get it onnnnnnnnnn.

this is literally alllll i am watching this show for. the moment y'all bang in canon, i'm outttttttttttt. it's always the best time to quit a tellywood show. always. take this protip from wise, old TT. quit the show the episode the lead couples fuck. just trust me on this.

idk WHOSE dream sequence this is, but lmao it's got the vibes of a not-that-great wedding "promo" thing ppl have got going on these days. which one of y'all is binging these on youtube and thus has their subconscious filled with it/??? it's gotta be riddhima, but it would be absolutely fucking hilariousssssss if it was in fact, vansh.

yup. it was her dumb ass. i bet she had the exact video in mind for kabir and just cut-copy-pasted vansh's face in there from the last week onwards.

oh chachi's back from maayka for vrat kholing.

mans literally do be looking like the chand today. because they eased up on his yellow foundation, thank god.

poor ishani. god, this is why we need feminism. so our sisters don't get pushed into shit like this against their willllllllllllllllll.

dadi and siya shipping riansh to the point of making ppl uncomfortable. what next, you gonna be writing mature fanfic about them on IF????? BACK THE FUCK OFF, YOU WEIRDOS.

“humaare plans kamyaab hote toh vansh iss waqt riddhima ko zeher ki pyaali pilaa raha hota. hmph.”

lmaoooooooooooooooo mummy is an eternalllllllll mood.

this one is getting overly emotional about her first completed karwachauth vrat. eat a snickers, bitch.

dadi overpromising and saying shit like evennnnnnnnn god himself can't shake your love for each other, tumhari prem kahaani billlkulllll pooori hogi and what not. oh dadi, did YOU not see the promo?????

this one got the footage she needed and has duly handed it over to bhai. both of vansh's sisters have the trait for going straightttttt to him with their sordid discoveries, albeit for completely polar reasons.

lmaoooooo the way she peaced out.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand he's started growling about how all this KC naatak was fake and and vowing revenge and games for her dhokaaaaaaaaaa. i hate to say it but............ i told you so.

also abbe oh gobar ganesh. itna CCTV footage mila hai kahin se, toh baaki ka bhi toh dhoond, where you see how she got into the bloody dickey?!?!???! nahi, 2 out-of-context second hi dekh ke paagal saand ki taraah bekaabu ho jaana hai. shit for brains, literally everyone in this show has.

anyway, if i was vansh’s murti maker, i’d be expecting a call righhhhhht about now. riddhima yahaan rahe na rahe, uski murti zaroor rahegi, which vansh and his next paramour will demolish together as a bonding/foreplay exercise.​

[90sbokuto]

— “ how mha boys deal with heartbreak (pt. 1) ”

including: deku, bakugo, kirishima and iida 

genre: a lot of angst, fluff

tags: angst, fluff, heartbreak

warning: language 

— izuku midoriya

-     cries A LOT , ochako and iida try to give him a pep talk

-     he thinks he did something wrong but in reality he was the perfect boyfriend and you didn’t think you deserved him 

-     keeps all the stuff you got him , but god he can’t forget you :(

-     he takes notes of all the things he thinks he did wrong and tries to make sure never to do them again 

-    avoids you in the hallway , not out of spite but he knows his poor little heart wouldn’t be able to take it

-    especially if you’re with someone new 

-    and god don’t let it be bakugo

-   not the type to just jump into a relationship just because his feelings are hurt , so please be patient with his emotions

-   if you’re dating him after someone broke his heart , this boy is gonna survey you almost EVERY damn day to make sure he is “up to par” :((

-   why do i get the vibe he will ask All Might if he’s being a good boyfriend abshsbds

— bakugo katsuki

-     y’all CANNOT tell me this man wouldn’t burn himself to the ground wondering what went wrong

-     he has such a “fuck you” vibe about it but deep down he cried in front of kirishima

-     listens to “suicidal” by ynw melly when he has his headphones ; tell me otherwise 

-     takes it out by training , definitely gives him the feeling that he should’ve just focused on becoming the number 1 hero instead of splitting between that and trying to be a good boyfriend

-     the type to not be used to someone breaking his heart but used to breaking others’ hearts

-      good luck to his next lover ; he’s gonna put it so many damn layers 

-      got broken up with because he couldn’t open up :( 

-      if he didn’t have an inferiority complex already , he probably has one now

-      especially because even getting close to him is a level of trust a lot of people haven’t unlocked

-      mad honestly ; don’t let your next boyfriend be deku ..

-      or anyone that goes to UA in general tbh

— kirishima eijiro

-    thinks its “unmanly” to cry over a breakup when so much is going on around him

-    especially when all he wants for his baby is to be happy

-    but sometimes he cant help but frown when he thinks about you smiling during festivals and dates 

-    also keeps all the stuff that you got him ; and doesn’t have the heart to show up to your dorm 

-    packs your jacket that you left in his room in yarn , waits for you to leave and then leaves it by your door for you

-    yes he watched a ton of youtube tutorials for it 

-    he couldn’t help but cry when he got back to his dorm

-    SPOILER AHEAD

-    doesn’t want to put you in any danger because of the overhaul mission so he broke up with you the day before 

-     you tried to talk to him about it but it didn’t seem like he cared ; when in reality he was just exhausted and thinking about eri’s wellbeing

-      when it all blew over he tried to get back with you but he saw you doing so well and he didn’t want to hinder that

-       left a note on your jacket

-      “i’ll always love you” - kiri

— iida tenya

-    impulsive decisions central , here to take your FUCKING order

-    i know, i know it’s iida but after stain, you can’t tell me he DOESN’T make impulsive decisions when it comes to the person/people that he loves

-    asks his brother for advice asbhsb

-    only wants to see you grow as a person and become the best hero you can be 

-     cried about it , but only when he’s completely alone

-     when i mean completely alone , like LATE AT NIGHT

-     he really let his guard come down when it came to you 

-      doesn’t really know what to do but doesn’t like this feeling AT ALL 

-      you broke up because it felt like he only cared about school and becoming a hero (an argument)

-      he gets riskier and riskier when he trains and really pushes himself to the limit

-      thinks about the memes you would send him ( that he wouldn’t understand ) and just reminisces

-      the last words you and him exchanged popped into his head though

-      “ maybe if you focused on the work , we wouldn’t be arguing right now ”

-      “ and maybe if you hadn’t said that , you’d still have a significant other “

-      and with that , he closed his phone and went to bed :(

[frankendykes-monster]

So probably the best way to start this is to mention the obvious and say that Joker (2019) has pretty much all of nothing to do with...The Joker.  I had mention to someone else a week or two back, but for as much as The Joker can work in a wide variety of stories, the character is inherently limited, my go-to phrase being “one dimensional.”  The Joker’s ongoing motivation is that he wants to defeat Batman, nothing more, nothing less.  “Killing Batman” is only a single part of it, “it” being proving that Batman is fallible and has some weakness.  There are characters like The Riddler that zero in on a single aspect of that such as, surely there are some problems that can be created that even The World’s Greatest Detective cannot solve, but The Joker is a convenient character in that he can be applied to any aspect of Batman’s character, which is why you get stories like Batman and The Joker getting into a surfing contest, because it all goes back to that theme of if there’s something that Batman is not the best at, Batman is ultimately doomed to fail (with regards to suspension of disbelief that is needed for superheroes to work, both creators and the audience have to commit to the concept that superheroes existing 100% makes the world around them a better place, and a major incoming failure on Batman’s part makes for greatest suspense in that it threatens that concept.)

But then, there lies the issue.  Joker does not actually have any driving motivation for WHY he wants to defeat Batman, he simply is.  It’s my theory on why no origin story has ever permanently stuck, because you can’t ever really make sense of that.  This compounds itself into Batman and Joker’s relationship and can never really evolve, it’ll play out in the same way every time just with new set dressing.  What you can do is raise the stakes, but with the back to back publishing of “The Killing Joke” and “A Death in The Family” in 1988, raising the stakes meant making The Joker a sadistic serial killer at the cost of everything else about the character, creating a Joker where everyone questions why he deserves to be alive to appear in another comic three to six months down the pipeline.  There have been some instances of trying to make The Joker more nuanced, like Grant Morrison introducing the concept of “super sanity” in their Batman work and addressing how The Joker reinvents his personality on the fly, but it’s ultimately set dressing that doesn’t alter anything.

So, that begs the question of why Joker, the film, calls itself “Joker” in the first place or why it takes place in Gotham instead of New York and blah blah blah the short answer is if they didn’t, Warner Bros wouldn’t have been able to rake in a billion dollars.  It’s on par with Sony deciding to make Venom (2018) and never addressing why Venom has those large white eye covers if his design isn’t based on Spider-Man, I’ll give Joker (2019) the compliment that it’s more interesting than that film at least.  I really did not want to bring up all this Batman shit while watching this but then they started addressing Thomas Wayne and I began mentally groaning.  I don’t want to dive into the concept of how or if the Batman mythos is impacted if you make Thomas (and Martha Wayne, who like in most Batman stories is more of a cameo than an actual character here) a shitty person, but then again I wouldn’t have to bring that up if the film didn’t cram it in in the first place.  I am...SO...SO THANKFUL I did not see any memes or theories or head canons surrounding “B-B_BUH JOCKER IS BEETMANS HALF BROTHER?????/???” which...whatever. Come to think I didn't see anyone bitch that he doesnt become The Joker until 90 minutes in either.  I think the majority of my goodwill (what turned it from, oh you know the good outweighs the bad enough for me to be able to tell someone this is watchable, to, oh you can skip this) was destroyed at the Waynes getting shot scene with, WHOOPS, The Joker was responsible (indirectly!)  That gave me BAD Batman (1989) flashbacks, and when you remind me of Batman (1989), you kind of do get on my bad side.  Fuck that movie.

SO.  In the midst of ALLL of this.  Let’s talk about the “““real source material”““ for Joker (2019): Taxi Driver (1976) and The King of Comedy (1982).

I don’t think I’m ruffling any feathers by saying that that is the case and that both of those films are wayyy better than Joker (2019).  I mean, there’s a reason why Robert De Niro was not only cast in this film, but he’s second billed right under Joaquin Phoenix.  Those are two fairly different films but they’re, at their core, stories of men who are ticking time bombs of violence ready for someone to light the fuse.  It’s another point against Joker (2019), not only for reminding me of much better films, but forcing me to ask why another pastiche of this story needed to be told.  Martin Scorsese kind of made his career with a monopoly on men losing their shit and everyone around them being caught in the tornado.  Joker (2019) admittedly plays the material much differently, in that all the way through we are supposed to sympathize with Arthur Fleck and stand alongside him every step of this of his downward spiral, and even with where he ends up, I’ll admit I don’t have an issue with that, but the film struggles with making me care half the time.  Like, yes, when Arthur is alone at home trying not to go awol, yeah, I get that, but at other times there’s stuff like how Arthur’s relationship with Sophie is never developed in any meaningful capacity, like why is enamored with him, why is she not as disturbed by him as most other people seem to be?  When we discover she’s not real, that explains it from a logical perspective I guess, but it isn’t a shock or a gut punch.

Can I be real for a second?  There are a lot of moments in this film where it made me embarrased as a neurodivergent person.  The number of people who definitely saw this, because, once again, it made a billion dollars, and came away thinking oh so that’s what mentally ill people are like, even if they’re sympathetic about it, it makes me sigh.

Even though the crux of this film is Arthur’s descent, it desperately wants to be important.  I know I’m not the first person to make this observation, but it does read like, oh, what’s popular now?  Incels?  Better make part of Arthur’s character arc that he can’t hit up any actual real women so he has to entertain himself with fantasies.  Antifa?  Better make it so Arthur accidentally inspires a movement of nebulous anti-rich people who all wear masks.  And so on and so on with no actual commentary while simultaneously it’s not really world-building either because it’s so front and center to the plot. I gotta say, if the film is about people in general not putting up with things anymore after being shat on nonstop, why oh why is there a joke aimed at a little person pretty early on, even through some meta lense where “oh the person telling the joke is an asshat who dies later so it’s cool”?

Now I’m not sure what to say next about the film itself so I guess now would be a good time to discuss the film’s ~impact~ as it were.  If it weren’t for Parasite (2019) I’d have no problem saying this was the biggest film of 2019 in the grand scheme of things, like EVERYONE came in with every possible perspective on this thing long before it came out.  I remember how back in like, late-2017/early-2018?  A bunch of people were shitting on the announcement of this film and Warner Bros had to do damage control by releasing some on-set photos of the second subway scene two days later.  It’s surreal more than anything actually watching this film now and seeing, wait, this is what everyone was memeing about nonstop?  This is a mainstream film?  With the directions it goes in?  With the topics it brings up?  Well I’ll be damned.  This is probably the first time since Les Miserables (2013) and Man of Steel (2013) where a movie comes out and no two people have the exact same opinion on it, so I’m curious as to how Joker is going to age in like, a decade.  So fucking weird that this is called a “superhero film” in retrospect just because it shares a name with a comic book character owned by the same company that developed and distributed this.

I wouldn’t be talking about this film if it wasn’t called “Joker” but then again hey nobody else would either.  I don’t hate this film despite how I’ve said nothing positive about and I was pretty prepared to call it “barely good” before the finale, so I don’t regret watching it, I don’t know what the fuck to say anymore.  Gang Weed memes are pretty funny if you haven’t actually seen any in the wild.  1940: “Let’s throw him into chemicals.”  2019: “Let’s throw him into society.”

[a-spectacle-in-the-morning]

“Woeful Wins and Whiskey” -- Rafael Barba

Notes: I’m trying to write Rafael stuff now and I am VERY nervous about it. *retreats to writing Sonny immediately*

There’s some mentions of sexual violence in this one folks. Just the kind of stuff that’s par for the course with SVU. And drinking. You have been forewarned.

--

If anyone ever needed to be reaffirmed in their belief that love at first sight didn’t exist, all they had to do was ask you about the day you met Rafael. Not that you immediately hated him or anything, you just sure as hell didn’t like him.

When you first transferred to the SVU you were surprised by how welcoming the staff was. To clarify they were welcoming, but not in any way exceedingly joyous to have you there.

Fin had offered you a curt nod as you sat at your desk before turning back to his desktop screen. Amanda gifted you a slight smile. Liv shook your hand as she nearly jogged past you to get to her office. Sonny had gotten up and helped you unpack your little box of knick-knacks. He even started an idle conversation with you while you finished up, which ended with him promising to bring you a plate full of his Ma’s zeppole by the end of the week. Then Liv re-emerged from her office, cell phone still in hand, to let everyone know that there was a new case.

“Hope you’re ready new kid,” Fin teased.

Just like that you were off. No rookie desk duty; straight out to the world of sex crimes. And very quickly you weren’t so sure you truly were ready.

Your first case was a (impossibly, in your opinion) young girl claiming to have been molested by a teacher. She wouldn’t expose the man, but the physical evidence was enough to land her in the hospital. It was violent. You were used to violence, but nothing that made you as sick as listening to that girl recount what happened to her.

There were a horrifying number of suspects and without the girl’s testimony you were left digging through whatever evidence there was. After an ungodly number of hours you felt like you had connected some dots and your gut was telling you the perp was her biology teacher. You asked Sonny what you could possibly do next with mostly just a gut feeling and he told you to ask the ADA if what you had was enough.

“It’s not,” Barba huffed, looking at you over the file you’d brought him.

“I know you need more to prosecute, but I also know this guy is guilty. The kid’s not gonna testify against him. What more can I get you?” you asked, genuinely curious.

“Some actual evidence?” he had chided, raising an eyebrow at you.

You let a puff of laughter escape. The balls on this guy, you thought. Then you looked up and saw the framed degree from Harvard. You squinted back at his three piece suit and you knew he was going to be a pain in the ass. Better to placate this kind of douche than to worsen his mood.

“Fair enough,” you shrugged. “Can I please at least get a warrant to search his office?”

He let the folder flop down on his desk. “Do you have a reason for me to give you one?”

Oh my God.

Then he added, “That isn’t your fresh out of the academy, twenty-something year old instinct.”

I’m going to kill this guy.

But you just swallowed your pride, set your shoulders, and said, “I’ll get you one.” And before he could get in one last quip you were out of his well decorated office.

You did get him one. By the next afternoon, in fact. As the youngest member of the team Liv had allowed you, hesitantly, to talk to the victim alone. She thought it might help her open up if she was around someone even remotely closer to her own age. And it had. She let slip during the interview that the man who attacked her was tall, angry, and (very helpfully) a science teacher. The way you walked back into Barba’s office… You looked like you could’ve just beaten him in some long running bet by the smugness emanating off of you. But the little feud had only started yesterday. The two of you were just incredibly spite filled human beings.

Barba begrudgingly, though of course very and truly gladly, gave you the warrant you had asked for. You and Amanda had ransacked the suspect’s office and found all the physical evidence Barba could ever desire. Unfortunately, that evidence was a mountain of trophies taken from young girls over many years. The prosecution involved exposing a lot of trauma. It was an easy win, but a painful and exhausting one as well.

Welcome to the team.

You celebrated by going out for a somber drink at Forlini’s. It was a busy Saturday. When you finally got the bartender’s attention you ordered two fingers of 12 year old Macallan because you were feeling down, but not drain-your-bank-account down. Neat, of course.

Then you heard someone to your left say, “Make that two of those.”

You turned to face Barba, and despite his similarly worn look, you said, “I can’t tonight.” And then, very boldly, “I’m too exhausted to keep up with your pretension.”

He laughed (a bit bitterly) and responded, “No need. I’m all out.”

Then your drinks arrived. You both grabbed a glass and clinked them in commiseration before taking a sip. You could feel him watching how you swallowed. Every man you had ever drank whiskey in front of had done that. They want to see if you choke.

You didn’t. It was a damn smooth drink despite the warm, burning sensation it left in your throat.

“Where’d you get your taste for whiskey?” Barba questioned, unable to hide that he was a little impressed.

“Not from my father, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“I wasn’t.”

You stopped mid sip, then smiled as you finished your drink. “At this point I’m kind of numb to the taste of strong alcohol. I just like the way whiskey feels when it settles.” You laid a hand over your stomach and looked back at Rafael to gauge his reaction. He had the faintest of grins on his lips and instead of a direct response he finished his drink as well. Then he ordered two more.

“I’ve been told I come off as a complete asshole most of the time,” he said as you waited for the next round. “I’m sorry if that was your first impression of me.”

You shrugged in a ‘that’s alright’ kind of a gesture. “I get the feeling that people come to you asking you to perform miracles pretty often,” you offered.

He let out that bitter laugh again and with a sigh said, “Yes they do. Every day.”

You picked up your refilled glass and took another sip. “So I guess I didn’t make a great first impression either: barging in and asking for a prosecution with no evidence.”

“At least you asked me what else you could do to help. And you said please.”

Okay so you weren’t feeling bad for him, per say, but you were starting to see why he was wound so tight all the time.

You raised your glass next to his and said, “Here’s to more evidence in the future. Preferably with fewer strings attached.”

“Salud.”

After one more round and some casual conversation your exhaustion caught up to you and you picked up the bill, much to Barba’s irritation. When he continued to berate you for paying on the way to the street you turned to him and said, “Seriously, Barba, don’t worry about it.” A cab pulled up and you were half way in the backseat when you added, “You’ll get the next one.”

The thought of another night out with you had him beaming the whole way home.

--

Insert that “I’ve connected the two dots, you didn’t connect shit, I’ve connected them” meme. That’s what I imagine any given day is like being the ADA for those fool detectives in SVU. Sorry for making you one of them.

This is my first time writing Rafael. I love him to bits, but he’s hard to capture. At least for me he is. Hopefully I did alright!

[retrauxpunk]

let me start off by saying that i am an artist, which is a fact i must accept because the facts leave room for no other interpretation, i.e. if it were someone else doing what i do (draw/write/etc in their spare time, with a lot of passion/enthusiasm) then i would fucking call them an artist. and it would be in the minority of times when i’d bother to specify amateur. because i don’t really care when it comes to deciding on this descripter ... except in the case of myself! hurrah impostor syndrome. internalised gatekeeping? i don’t feel as though i have much impostor syndrome really, but this is definitely an exception to that. 

anyway let me start off by saying that i am an artist.

and artists are fucking stupid. why do artists romanticise dysfunction? this is a patently bad idea ... except that it produces (can produce) such a good aesthetic when explored artistically. (you know it’s true!!) like what other field goes, ‘oh this thing is performing sub-par. this is not functioning properly. this is broken. oh i know, look, isn’t it sexy??’ 

anyway this is a train wreck of a post. at least in terms of pacing. i think that above paragraph could be a stand-up bit. god remember when i did stand-up? hey, new followers, or -- wait did i even mention this? (wow i sound self-absorbed) in february 2020 i finished a six-week beginners’ stand-up comedy course which culminated in a showcase at angel comedy club where i did a three-minute set and at least ONE (1) PERSON in the audience came up to tell me they really liked my stuff! i say one person in capitals not because i’m offended, but because i am thrilled.

anyway we wrapped up that stand-up course with a great show and literally weeks later the pandemic hit and all public gatherings were shut down. i do really appreciate the irony.

(see? this is an accidentally-great example of what i was saying earlier, romanticising dysfunction!)

(this isn’t a callout btw this is a joke)

(an accurate-ish joke)

hey you know what guys? (i use guys as a gender neutral term ftr and i am averse to changing it because the way it entered my vocabulary was throuh my education at an all girls, extremely feminist (there’s literally a feminist liberation verse in our school song) high school. because any student doing a bit in the morning announcements would start with ‘hey guys’ to the point when it became a meme. so. i don’t consider guys to be exclusively masculine fuck that noise

(????)

hey you know what, comrades? my opening line was ‘hi, my name is sunny. i know what you’re thinking -- i look like the coronavirus fucked shoreditch.’

because the thing was Not Serious in most places in the world yet!! and so i referenced it with the blitheness of privilege (and the slight desperation of using anything to mine comedy becaues i was a goddamn novice) because what, what, is the point of belonging to a systemically disadvantaged demographic (in my case, my ethnicity), if i don’t use it to make the jokes that others can’t make because it’d sound too offensive coming from them?

so i came up with this line that referenced the fact that i’m a nauseatingly hipster-looking art fuck who is east asian. (don’t you love when jokes are explained to you?)

oh that was fun. i remember thinking of this and then posting a selfie on instagram asking ‘@ london peeps: do i look like a shoreditch person?’ to test whether my self-perception was aligned with that of the public, and i got a majority ‘yes’ vote (including from, bizarrely, one of my favourite comedians who followed me back and almost never interacts, which is -- i have to admit -- flattering; ugh) and then proceeded to pick out my hipsterest outfit. rolling up cardigan sleeves to show my most prominent tattoo (forearm; rabbit at a typewriter working on a novel). i remember walking up to the table at a pret where we were hanging out after our last pre-show rehearsal, seeing our teacher, and him glancing at my shoes (white doc marten boots with a big red heart on each toe) and just going, ‘cool. shoes.’ and it was the first time in a while that i’d gotten my shoes complimented (there was a dry spell of sorts, i suppose), and i was delighted. and also somewhat relieved/assuaged. (mollified? is that a word? ...mullify? ok i googled it. mollified.) because the thing is, i have not washed these bad boys in so fucking long they have become really beat-up. once fancy and delicate, now as if i wore them while riding through the countryside with my daredevil vampire biker girlfriend.

...i guess i could write that image into a story. that’d be fun. hey, did you know how fun it is to write fiction when you decide to be extremely self indulgent and make all your choices with ‘how much do i personally enjoy/like this thing’ as a top-level priority? it’s great fun.

okay man i’m getting tired of my own voice. goodnight. (it’s 11:45 gmt. ...are we gmt? i forget. anyway. 11:45 london time. whatever. ...yes i’m using 12 hour time. yes i decided to type this out to disambiguate that instead of simply the letters am.)

[bisexualsforprompto]

Worth Chapter Two

(Mostly some introductions, integral exposition. The next chapter will be far more interesting).

~~~~~~~

Marinette walked onto the plane, the day was a much better day. She had a whole breakfast, and was so excited that she never even thought of disappointing anybody. That is until she got onto the bus, Lila started talking about how the city was crime ridden and she couldn’t believe Marinette would let them go. Marinette’s heart sank, she was right. Gotham was dangerous, if something happened she’d never forgive herself. She’d be a failure just like Chat always knew.

Luckily for her, Lila’s story had to be centered around the liar herself so she quickly changed the subject and regaled the bus with her “true stories” of how she and Batman had teamed up, he even wanted to make her a superhero, but of course Lila was too busy. She also told the bus about how her and Damian Somethingorother (marinette couldn’t remember the name because her BS detector was going off too loudly) were in an on again off again relationship. Marinette sat down in a back seat in the bus, she knew that Alya wouldn’t join her, she was too invested in Lila’s story, but to her delight Kay joined her.

Kay Khan was Marinette’s other best friend. Gigantic theatre nerd, couldn’t go a day without talking or singing but Marinette wouldn’t have it any other way. The rest of the class thought she was a little odd, but she was a genius. Like freaky smart, so they all tried to work with her when they could. Unfortunately for Kay, Marinette was really her only friend because she was...overly blunt. Kay didn’t have a filter and Lila took her down pretty quickly.

On Kay’s first day she came into the class and expressed her adoration of theatre when Miss. Bustier asked her what her hobbies were. Kay told the class that her favorite musical was Newsies because Jeremy Jordan was the original Jack Kelley. So of course Lila said that she personally knew him, on that day Marinette was not happy. Chat had been a handful the night before and she expected the new girl to fall for Lila’s lies, instead Kay asked, “Wasn’t he just amazing in Dairy Boys?” Lila nodded and exclaimed, “I saw him in that. A true work of art.” Kay smirked and sat down, but not before saying, “That’s funny because Jeremy Jordan was never in Dairy Boys, oh, and Dairy Boys doesn’t exist.”

Marinette knew Kay and her would be great friends, but that meant Lila had Kay targeted. Not only for humiliating her (which she quickly covered with another idiotic lie), but also because she vowed she’d take Marinette’s friends away. That included the weird new girl. It didn’t help that Adrien also seemed to hate Kay, mostly because she had called out Lila. If it had been a year ago Marinette would’ve never talked to Kay just because Adrien didn’t seem to like her, but after Chat Noir had demeaned her as Ladybug she felt like she didn’t deserve somebody like Adrien. Marinette gradually fell out of love with Adrien until there were no feelings left. She hadn’t felt romantic love in a really long time, she didn’t deserve it.

The class already wasn’t fond of Kay, especially since she missed classes a lot. Her mother was a director who was directing a movie Kay starred in in Paris. Her first television debut. The class was naturally insanely jealous, but it didn’t matter to Kay because she was barely in school to hear the awful things they said.

The only reason she was going on the trip was because she had family in Gotham and her mother decided to give her a little break. Kay accepted when she knew Marinette had planned the trip, she wanted to keep an eye on her best friend. She wasn’t the best with expressing emotions or giving advice but she could tell Mari was spiraling sometimes. Kay knew all about spiraling…

Kay sat down next to Marinette, starting to giggle. Mari smiled, Kay’s laugh was ridiculous and normally she laughed at funny musical memes nobody got but her, it brought Marinette lots of entertainment to hear Kay say every time she looked at a meme and Marinette asked about it, “YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF [INSERT SHOW TITLE HERE]?!?!” Marinette was about to ask what Kay was laughing at before somebody beat her to it, only this somebody wasn’t going about it the way Mari would’ve.

“Spaz, why are you laughing at Lila?!” Ivan asked pointing rudely at Kay. “Yeah! You have no right to laugh at her!” Mylené said coming to her boyfriend’s defense.

“I wasn’t laughing at her, I was laughing at something she said.” Kay stated plainly before slapping her headphones on. Marinette internally facepalmed, Kay was far too blunt. Lila started her crocodile tears but Miss Bustier stood up on the plane for a head count before it escalated too far. While she took role the class still shot daggers with their glares at Kay, but only Marinette seemed to notice, Kay was lost in the world of her headphones.

Alya was still entranced in Lila’s story but she wasn’t too harsh on Kay, her and Nino were pretty indifferent about her. Alya at first wasn’t too fond of her because despite Marinette being friends with her Lila claimed she was a bully, but Alya warmed up to her when she and Kay bonded over superheroes they liked. Kay had watched a lot of superhero movies because her mom had directed them but Alya still knew more. Kay and Alya had a mutual respect for each other, Nino was basically Alya’s extension so he felt the same, so they didn’t really talk and Alya didn’t gang up on her like the others.

Marinette knew Kay didn’t like to be disturbed when she had her headphones on. It was headphones on, world off. Marinette did text her though, so she could talk to her friend before they took off and eventually fell asleep.

Mari!!!☺️🤩🥳😺🤗: Wait so what were you laughing at that Lie-la said?

Kay Khan: lol the guy she was talking about was one of my friends when I lived in Gotham!

Mari!!!☺️🤩🥳😺🤗: cool! Do you’ll think you’ll see him? I’d like to meet any friends of yours!

Kay Khan: It’s possible, anything’s possible (Suessical). Ummm mayb. He’s kinda moody tho so he might be somewhat rude just warnin ya.

Mari!!!☺️🤩🥳😺🤗: Really? I can’t imagine you being friends with somebody like that. You’re literally sunshine.

Kay Khan: Awwww thankies! But Damian is super cool once he warms up to you, he’ll like you I bet. OMG I BET HE’LL LIKE YOU!!! ;)

Kay Khan: OMG YES I CAN SEE IT NOW! CAN I BE THE MAID OF HONOR AT UR WEDDING? AHHH IM TOTES SETTING U UP AS SOON AS WE GET IN GOTHAM!!!

Kay Khan: OMG WHATS UR SHIP NAME? OMG MARIDAMI

Kay Khan: NO DAMAINETTE!!!!

Mari!!!☺️🤩🥳😺🤗: as...exciting as it is you shipping me with another guy I haven’t even met, the airplane dude just said turn off devices headphone girl.

Kay Khan: Dang! (Dang diggity dang a dang) I only got like 5 minutes into Jesus of Suburbia. Oh welllll

Kay took off her headphones and turned off her cell phone. She smiled at Marinette before the plane took off. Marinette took out her sketchbook as Kay quickly fell asleep. Marinette envied her, she could literally fall asleep anywhere anytime. Marinette looked out her window as she sketched for inspiration, and before she knew it she found inspiration within a sparkling city they were landing in.

“Psst, Kay. We’re here.” Marinette said in a hushed whisper as she poked at Kay. Kay sat up straight and rubbed her eyes.

“Dope! Let’s get this par-tay started!” She cheered quietly. Marinette giggled, “It’s 3am in Eastern time, I’m pretty sure even the Gotham people aren’t partying.”

“You never know.” Kay shrugged. Marinette giggled a little softer, trying not to wake the sleeping passengers on the plane until they landed in the airport completely. The French class started buzzing quietly from excitement but everyone was mostly too tired to be too excited so it was a relief to everyone when they were passed out in their rooms in the Wayne Hotel.

Kay and Marinette were elated for the days to come. Kay was going to make sure Marinette enjoyed her trip, no matter what.

Tag list (lemme know if you wanna be added/ I forgot you/ spelled your name wrong):

@northernbluetongue

@poshplumcot

@queen-of-the-trash-planet-tm

@luciferge

@legendaryneckjudgestudent

@interobanginyourmom

@beaversuenightly

@worlds-tiniest-spook-pastry

@mochinek0

@shamefullove

@emjrabbitwolf

@actual-disaster-human

@tog84

@thequestionablyhuman

@thyladyanput

@vixen-uchiha

@novicevoice

@2sunchild2

@zebrabaker

@chrismarium

@mycupisbroken

@winter-gardenflower

@dast218

@bluerosette23

@chocolatecatstheron

@anjuschiffer

@fertileleaf

@drarryismylife101

@zerotosiki

@littleredrobinhoodum

@fatimaabbasrizvi

@ladylb

@weird-pale-blonde-person

@st0rmy-w1th1n

@7-sage-7

@eve-is-the-dawn

@mooshoon

@caffinetheory

@fiendsangelical

@bee-wrecker

[damndaehyung]

Lying is the most fun...

Tyler Lee can have without taking his clothes off. JTMD AU Included : Tyler, Minah, Sungjae Mentioned: Daniel, Jaehyun 

Tyler Lee was many things. Depending on who you asked, he could be a legend or piece of crap. But there is one thing that he is not and that is a quitter. Admittedly Daniel Choi was proving to trickier than he expected, he assumed that like most of the girls Tyler had charmed all he had to do was showing him so attention to get him under his spell but Daniel Choi seemed to be immune to him, he thought coming out of a breakup Daniel would be easy pickings but if anything it seemed to make even harder to get, Tyler even showed his abs and there was nothing but jibe about them painted on. He had spent so much time with the guy that he should, in theory, be proclaiming his love for Tyler but all he got was a text saying congratulations you reached friendship level 8 you can now message me memes. It was frustrating to say the very least, he was Tyler Lee after all. What annoyed him even more though was this leaking tap of emotions, the tiny drip telling him what he was doing wrong. He had theorized it was because in another time and place they, Daniel and himself, could actually be real friends, a hopeful voice seemed to suggest they still could, Daniel doesn’t have to know about the bet and he would eventually get over him. It would take time, Tyler was not exactly easy to get over but perhaps in time.

“Are you finished?” he was bought out his thoughts but a very annoyed barista staring down at him.

“Excuse you,” Tyler snorted rolling his eyes. “Didn’t they teach you at busboy training not to be rude to a customer,” he snapped. “But since you are here, I need a refill,” he said, tapping his mug condescendingly. This boy should know his place, coming up to him like that and bugging him, if he was finished he would have left and had he left? No.

“Or you can just leave and never come back,” the boy said. Tyler opened his mouth to respond only to be cut off. “Look this cafe is busy enough to survive without Tyler Lee’s money,” he said. Tyler snorted, that is what that idiot though if Tyler blacklisted this stupid little cafe it would be done for.

“Listen here,” he said looking at the guy’s name tag. “Sungjae-” he said, eyes widening as a thought ran through his head. This was Daniel’s ex, how the hell did this guy manage to pull Daniel? Wait no that didn’t matter but it certainly explained a lot no wonder Daniel wasn’t falling for him, he probably figured a guy like Tyler was so far out of his league that he had no chance. “Wait do you know Daniel Choi?”

Sungjae blinked, thrown by the change in topic. “Not that it’s any of your business but yes,” he said looking at Tyler curiously. “Don’t mess with him,” he said, curiosity turning into anger. Tyler rolled his eyes, he was one of those exes, dumps you but still acts as though they care. How annoying. No wonder Daniel was having trouble getting over him, he was just confused, probably thought he still had a chance.

“Look i get he is your ex -”

“What are you talk-” Sungjae started to speak only to be cut off by Minah Delacroix coming over wrapping an arm around Sungjae.

“Hey Babe,” she said to Sungjae who looked surprised. Tyler raised his eyebrow at Minah’s obvious and desperate attempt at making him jealous. “M needs you out back,” she said to Sungjae, the boy just nodded walking away with a frown on his face.

“What was that?” Tyler said with a laugh. “If that is your rebound, Minah, love, you can do a lot better,” Tyler smirked.

“Shut up Lee,” Minah snapped. “Sungjae isn’t a rebound,” she said. “He is my boyfriend.” Tyler chuckled a yeah okay slipping out of his lips. Did she really expect him to believe that? “Look I know it’s hard for you to understand but sometimes people have a real connection and that is what we have, it’s nice to have a boyfriend who actually appreciates me and not just when i’m riding him in the back of the locker room,” she snapped.

“You done?” Tyler smirked. “And bold of you to assume I appreciated you then,” he said with a wink. Minah's eyes narrowed as she purposely stomped on his toes. Tyler let out a yelp moving his foot away as it throbbed, glaring at a smirking Minah as she retreaded back to the counter and her ‘boyfriend’.

Tyler watched knowing that this relationship was fake, but as he thought it over he knew he could use it. The girlfriend that dumped him dating Daniel’s beloved ex. Oh, this was perfect, he just needed to get some proof. It would all be so easy for him now, the concerned friend being the bearer of bad news telling, no showing him proof that his ex had moved on. As cool as Daniel pretended to be if he was crying in a restaurant over this guy then this would be a killing blow and Tyler would be his rock, helping him move forward. He would be at his most supportive, his most charming, most loveable.

That emotion leak started dripping as he thought of purposely hurting Daniel only to build him up and then break him again. It was cruel even by his standards.

text from jaehuh :

‘looks like you are losing touch. can’t wait to win this bet.’

But Tyler Lee was an overachiever after all.

With a smirk, he stood up walking deliberately to the counter where Minah stood having a heated exchange with Sungjae. God, they were so obvious, he hoped Minah was petty enough to pull off what he needed otherwise he would need a plan B. “I am finished now since someone didn’t want to give me my refill, you know Min you should talk to your boyfriend about his customer service because it's not up to par,” Tyler said pointedly,

“Did you really come over here just to say that?” Sungjae said, looking far from impressed. “Don’t you have another whore to hook up with?”

“I do,” Tyler nodded a laugh escaping his lips. “Maybe I’ll hook up with your ex, you know since you are having my sloppy seconds,” he said with a smirk enjoying the way Minah bristled at his words.

“Stop trying to upset my boyfriend,” Minah snapped. “Bringing up his ex isn’t going to ruin our relationship. In fact, I feel sorry for Daniel if he has to deal with your and the community bicycle you call a penis,” she said with a huff.

“Minah can you please stop pretending you are dating this loser, it’s unbecoming of you,” he said, pretending to be disappointed. “You could have at least picked a better actor. This guy looks like he is completely lost,” he said nudging his chin towards Sungjae. “Hey idiot, as you can tell the only way you could ever girls like that,” he said pointing to Minah, “is when guys like me dump her and she has to pretend she has moved on,” he said chuckling. “It’s pathetic,”

“Don’t call him a loser,” “Do you really talk to women like that? What’s your problem?” The loser ‘couple’ said at the same time.

“Fine prove me wrong guys, kiss each other like you mean it,” He said, throwing the challenge down.

“We don’t have hmph,” Sungjae started to speak until Minah pulled him into a kiss. Tyler rolled his eyes as he pulled his camera filming the couple. To his surprise, it seemed like the couple forget they were pretending because the next thing he knew Sungjae was pressing Minah against the counter, her leg wrapping around his waist. This was even better than he expected, he figured it would be an awkward kiss but he knew Minah loved to put on a show, with a chuckle he threw a fifty on the counter as a thank you for their show and their participation in Tyler Lee’s seduction of Daniel Choi. Turning his camera off and walking away from the pair.

“Hey Daniel,” Tyler said as he walked out of the cafe, he made sure he sounded troubled. “Are you busy?” he asked, nodding along to Daniel’s speech on how Salvador Dali was overrated. “Yeah no i really need to talk to you, i have some bad news -” he said. “No no nothing like that,” oddly touched that Daniel was worried something happened to him. “Look can we meet up? Do you know Ridleys? Meet me there in half an hour,” Tyler said with a smirk. There was nothing that went with a heartbreak quite like alcohol. “See you soon,” he said hanging up and replaying the video, a wide grin on his face. Oh, this bet was over but it wouldn’t be Jaehyun winning.

[ofravensandgenesis]

Meme Tag Games!

Thank you for all the lovely tags!! :D <3 This is quite belated but between some health happenings, the weather deciding to turn the thermostat way up (and the house AC went out), and other stuff, I got swamped for a while there. Here we are now though! :D Tagging anyone who wants to jump in on any of these, namely FC5 GFH tag game; OC Fighting Style; and WIP Day. Continued below the cut because this got long:

FC5 Guns For Hire Meme Game

Tagged by @chyrstis​ and @amistrio​ for the FC5 GFH meme, thank you for the tag!! :D <3 We have full length responses with some banter with the human GFH in particular here. I was kind of stumped with how to answer this for Joshua in what he might say as a GFH since his verse is very tailored for him being the Deputy and all the psychic shenanigans. Eventually I got over that and this is basically an AU where there’s another (unnamed here) Deputy who IS slated to be The Deputy that Joshua is trying to help (and convince to do less murder) to explain how he fits into a verse as a Gun For Hire. Psychic shenanigans still happen in this AU of an AU ofc, just it’s perhaps less prominent. We’re skipping over possible musings of relevant sidequests for Joshua relating to the Seeds in this for the sake of time, though I acknowledge that it’s something to explore, likely would impact the endgame with the Heralds, cult, and Joseph depending on the Deputy’s choices of doing a Kill or No-kill run. This verse also assumes that Joshua, the Deputy, Whitehorse, Pratt, and Hudson all got away or were not present for the helicopter crash. Other characters minor and otherwise who are alive in Joshua’s main fic verse ACABH are the same as in that story thus far, such as Rae-Rae and Ryan being alive. We’ll also presume the Seeds are all still alive at the time of these dialogue lines.

Deputy Joshua Raguel Rook

(All images used were public domain and/or labeled free for reuse under creative commons license. Above image was sourced from [here.]) With Fangs for Hire

Boomer: “Hey there boy, how’re you feeling today? Got some venison strips saved for you, you eating enough with all this running around?” [cue more small talk and praise for Boomer about how Boomer’s doing such a good job and Joshua feeding Boomer bits of cooked meat. Will likely sing snatches of cheery dog-themed songs he’s heard when in the party with Boomer and there’s no enemies nearby.]

Peaches: “...I hope that’s not people-meat in your teeth, Peaches, you know how Miss Mable feels about that, it’s bad for your health. I’m also not quite brave enough to want to brush your teeth—though maybe Dr. Lindsey or Wade can offer advice on that. We’ll get you some nice fish instead, that’s a good kitty.” [He’s a bit more shy around Peaches than Boomer bc cougar, but an effort at friendliness will be made.]

Cheeseburger: “...that is one big bear. He’s a sweetheart though. Just...hoping he doesn’t make a mistake of who he’s barreling into. It’s not like we’re wearing team colors or anything.” [Cheeseburger is a sweetie and Joshua likes him, but also: bear. Joshua’s a bit wary around him, but will still feed Cheeseburger salmon when able. May crack a joke paralleling Cheeseburger going “Only You Can Prevent Cult Gun Fire.” Will not crack this joke after any Jacob-region events though.]

With Other Guns for Hire:

Sharky

Sharky: So amibro, I was thinking, you know how those Angels are all dead in the head and stuff? How are they still shuffling around, is the Bliss like a zombie plant or something? Joshua: ...no, that’s more in line with the aliens that Larry keeps going on about I’m sure. Something about brainmelting and bendy straws, I got lost when he started mentioning Navier-Stokes equations for how the...resulting brain juice would be redirected. [Shuddery noise of disgust.] I’m not sure if he’s serious or just fucking with me and referencing Guy’s zombie movie series at this point. Could be either or. The Bliss is more like...like...uh. Like if you lost the keys to your car, but the car’s your body. You get me? Sharky: Damn, remind me never to OD on the stuff, I lose the keys to my car all the time. Sometimes I can’t be bothered to find em and just jiggle the lock so I can hop on in to hotwire the car because I’m in a hurry, you know? Ladies love a man who’s good with his hands, and who’s good with time and can improvise. You think that’d work on the Bliss car keys? Joshua: Maybe? Not everyone seems to be as readily lost to the Bliss at the same amounts. Personally I’d wager you’d be able to find your way back to your body no matter where you were in the bliss if we stood you near a signal fire. Sharky: This is why we’re friends man! Ride or die! ...also can you help me find my keys with that trick of yours, I lost ‘em again. Joshua: Yeah, though did you check under your bed? Also, maybe hang your regular set and a spare set of keys on a hook by the door so you can always find them, just in case you’re in a hurry.

Hurk

Joshua: Hurk. [Said in a Mild, Judgmental Voice of Impending Doom From A Friend kind of tone.] Hurk: Hey man I didn’t do nothin’ to deserve that tone of voice now don’t you start on me. Joshua: How can you say that when you and Sharky went and invented zipline grenade-golf without me last night? And blew up part of the mini-YES-sign. Hurk: Oh man you were talking up Lindsey and with the way the two of you were smiling and laughing, we figured you might be getting lucky so like the proper supportive wingmen me and Sharky were, we left you gentlemen some of our finest booze and sticky green. You did find it didn’t you, I’d hate to waste the gifts of the beneficent Monkey God from above as He Who Likes To Par-tay Above And Here Below On This Earth did command me never to waste beer or the good kush and to always help a brother out who’s trying to hook it up with their fine persons of choice. Joshua: Hurk I’m not— [sighs in accepting and fond exasperation.] It’s not like that with me and Charles— Hurk: Ooooooooooooo, you’re on a first name basis already! I knew you had it in you! Get it man, get it good! I’m not into that, you know I like the ladies strictly, but I will support your endeavors no matter the sex of your fellow party-goer as leader of Hurk Gate and the Bro-iest of Bros. Joshua: Hurk oh my god, I’m not trying to sleep with or romance him. I’m—he’s not looking for that, at least not with me certainly, and I—...just, thanks. I still have most of the beer and weed leftover if you and Sharky are up for graffiting one of John’s billboard signs though. You in? Hurk: Hell yeah man, and oo, you did get some then, Josh you sly dog! Joshua: I DID NOT! [Meta-clarification: Joshua indeed did not, for reasons to be revealed at a later time in the main fic.]

Sharky, Hurk, and Joshua, if one bends the mechanics so they are all in the party together at the same time:

Sharky: Pfhahahahaha oh man did you see the look on those Peggies’s faces when we came just crashing down the mountainside in that burning car? It was priceless!

Joshua: What better way to set fire to mass amounts of Bliss fields than with a moving fireball? Sharky: I know man it was great! We didn’t get too singed or nothin’! We gotta try that burning trash-ball idea next time though, like building a snowman but with fire! A fireman! Ha! That was the easiest fifty bucks of my life, cuz. Joshua: Hold up a tick now, what. Hurk: Sharky man that’s against the betting code! You’re not supposed to tell! Joshua: Oh, you cheeky bastards were betting on if Sharky could convince me to drive the car down the hill, weren’t you. Hurk: Man it’s always a crap shoot with you, specially around cars. That’s what makes it fun, sometimes you get all “guys that’s not safe,” [said with a poor imitation of Joshua’s voice complete with a very terrible southern, Georgian-style accent before Hurk switches to his normal speaking voice to continue,] —and other times it’s just “hold my beer.” You’re not going to go all prim and proper on us now are ya? Joshua: I can’t believe you two. Gambling in Hope County, I’m shocked, shocked. Sharky you owe me half, I’ll buy you a beer first round. Sharky: Hell yeah man! Hurk: Wait a second did you two just con me? I’ve been robbed! Police! Joshua: Hurk I *am* the police, one of them present at least. Hurk: Oh shit son, you right. Help I’m being oppressed by the system!

Nick Rye

[This conversation happens after Seed Ranch has been taken, along with the AU detail of capturing John’s plane Affirmation at the same time, preferably early on, while John is still alive.] Nick: Hey Joshua I was talking to Sharky— Joshua: Oh no. Nick: And he had an idea that wasn’t half bad. Not a good one, and you’d be liable to get killed or captured, but I got stuck thinking on it and wanted to ask: What d’you think would happen if you dressed up like the Father and just pulled a whole Mission: Impossible face-a-roo switch? You can do that imitation of how he speaks and everything, I’ve heard you do it before. And with how high the Peggies are most of the time, they’re so far out of their gourds they wouldn’t notice the differences. Joshua: You mean aside from his brothers and sister noticing he’s suddenly an inch shorter, twenty years younger and the wrong brand of crazy? Nick: Just go off about there being an edit to God’s Plan or something, and you could get makeup or something going on with that age thing. People do all kinds of wizardry with foundation and stuff, though you’d have to ask someone else on that. Maybe Addie or someone she knows? I don’t know if they have aging-up tricks compared to aging-down though. It could work! Might be a quick way to end the fighting if we can just stuff Joseph into a car trunk and then stash him in a bunker somewhere while you’re pretending you’re him. Joshua: Nick my tattoos are different and I’m not going to convince people I’m Joseph if I have to do one of his shirtless walkarounds, NOR am I having sins and Bible verses carved into my hide to complete the look. I don’t think we have any special effects or make up artists in the county who specialize in convincingly fake scars made out of latex or something. Nick: I don’t know, that Guy Marvel might have someone. Or, had someone. He has to be able to afford all those special effects somehow. Joshua: I’m not going anywhere near that guy with a ten foot pole man, he weirds me out. Also consider: I’d have to talk to Jacob, John and Faith as Joseph. I don’t want that kind of responsibility of herding that conversation at the family dinner. Nick: Hoo, good point. So...how is that family bullshit coming along then? Joshua: I have no idea, I’m just winging it, like you are. Nick: [who’s currently flying a plane, thus the slight pun] Heh. Good luck with that then, and let me know if you want me to paint something special on John’s precious little Affirmation next time you take it out for a spin to spite him. Joshua: I’m sure I can think of a thing or two.

Adelaide

Adelaide: Honey you need to take a breather one of these days and just take a load off, if you keep up the way you’re going you’re going to end up looking more like your dad sooner rather than later. You should swing by the Marina sometime and have a yoga session with Xander, really helps get the blood pumping and limber you up if you know what I’m saying. Joshua: [Snorts in amusement.] Is Xander trying to convince you to eat more kale chips instead of potato chips again? Adelaide: Rook sweetie, I love Xander but there are some things a woman won’t put in her mouth, and kale chips are one of them. Joshua: I’ll swing by sometime to help out with the kale chips then, and maybe get in a yoga session at the same time. It’s been a while since I chatted Xander up what with the county going pearshaped. Adelaide: I’ll never understand how you two can eat those things. Ugh. Gives me the willies. Joshua: *I* eat them dipped in homemade spicy nacho cheese sauce. I have no idea how Xander eats them straight and still claims to have working tastebuds.

Grace

[For context: This conversation is based on the AU’s detail that Grace’s father has survived the previous attempt on his life prior to the start of the Reaping.]

Joshua: Did you crack open the extra care packages we dropped off yet Grace, or did your dad get to ‘em first? Grace: You referring to the chocolate bars you stashed in there? I got my share of them out in time. Joshua: Good, I was a little worried when you told me they were missing last time. Thought they might’ve been lifted without me knowing beforehand. Grace: He’s a sly one when sweets are up for grabs. Now if you can do something about the shortage of decent coffee… Joshua: What’s that? A reason to piss John off today and raid his personal stash? Say no more!

Jess

Jess: So. Joshua: So. Jess: Just like old times but with more fucked up cultist family bullshit than before, huh. Joshua: [Sighs.] Yeah. Jess: That’s rough, buddy. Joshua: Least I can steal shit en masse from the cultists and no one else minds right now. For the life of me though I can’t figure out where all of the snacks from Lorna’s went when the Peggies hit her place. I think they ate ‘em all. Jess: [Noise of disgust.] Those two-faced fuckers going on and on about how bad commercially produced food is and how everyone should get back to basics, but there they go snatching up all the frosted cakes and maple bars like it's baby’s first shoplifting spree. Joshua: I know right? Even if they do believe the end of the world’s coming, that’s still rude to clean the store out on the first go around—leave some snacks for the next bunch of looters, god damn.

In Combat

[Note: due to Joshua’s verse details, this comes with the assumption that were one to play in a version of his universe, the Deputy would have a kill/spare mechanic and thus also an option of doing a No Kill run and variations on that spectrum, which Joshua’s mechanics would support more so. This would likely also mean some additional options for the other guns-for-hire and creative use of their canonical loadouts and abilities. Joshua’s setup would overlap with Boomer and Jess’s via the Spotter and Concealment abilities, and he’d be equipped with a bliss dart gun and a scoped hunting rifle. Also melee options and such.] Seeing/tagging an enemy: “Hey look, another whack-a-mole.” / ”Fashionably challenged mountain-man zealot sighted.” / “Enemy sighted.” Seeing/tagging multiple enemies at once: “duck, duck, cultists.”/ “The Rapture called, they don’t want these Peggies back.” / “multiple hostiles in the area.” Bliss darting/knocking out a Peggie at range: “Nap time.” / “Another one bites the dust.” / “Down they go!” / “A little dirt nap never hurt any Peggie. Won’t hurt their outfits any either, a little dirt brown looks better than all of that mayonnaise-white so many of them wear anyway.” Knocking out a Peggie with a non-lethal stealth takedown: “Lights out.” / “Rang this one’s chimes hard enough he’ll think it’s time for morning service on a sunday when he wakes up.” / “Sleep tight.” / “She’s/he’s down.” Sneaking: “Feels like a tuesday.”  / “...” / “Five bucks says I can pickpocket the guards and they’d never even know till later.” / “Moving position.” / “Good to go.” Upon witnessing the Deputy killing an enemy: “Was that really necessary?!” / “...shit.” / “Maybe we should disengage and drop back out of sight instead of this.” / “What the fuck!” Reviving an ally/The Deputy: “Don’t you go dying on me! Stay alive, you’ve got so much to live for!” / “Come on, let’s get you patched up, you’re gonna be okay!” / “No no no! Don’t you dare die! Not today!” Hurt: “MOTHERFUCKER!” / “Ow!” / “God damn it, I just patched this shirt! And myself!” / “This is NOT my fucking element, fuck!” / “Why are we even in a situation where we’d get shot at?!” Downed: “Could use a little help over here!” / “Bleeding out, help!” / “...mom?”

Driving

When asked to drive: “...you sure? I really think someone else driving would be a better idea under current circumstances, but okay. Just don’t go making a habit out of this. Please. For everyone’s sake.” / “No.” [This is followed by outright refusal to sit in the driver’s seat.] / [Optionally if Sharky and/or Hurk are around] “Ugh. Just...gotta pretend this is driving through a Clutch Nixon. With live gun fire, instead of just fire-fire.”

When the Deputy/someone else is driving recklessly: “Iwantoffthisride” / “I’m going to have to pick upholstery out from under my nails later.” / “JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL.” / [Recites a Hail Mary.] / “Having a good time! NOT.” / [If it’s Sharky or Hurk driving] “This is the kind of reckless driving I can get behind. Through regular past exposure therapy.” Changing radio stations: [If it’s being changed to Eden’s Gate stations] “Can we not? I’ve heard this music so many times it’s old as hell, however catchy.” / “They did do a good job on the music, I gotta say. More ominous meaning to the lyrics right now in particular though.” / [If it’s being changed to Resistance Radio stations] “Road trip time! Watch out for moose in the road.” / “Hell yeah, crank those tunes!” / “I’m glad we have regular music to listen to still, it’d be such a drag to have to go without it.”

Idle

- [General] “What’s up? Everything going alright with you?” - [General] “I heard of a good fishing spot where the rainbow trout [or other game fish depending on situation/mechanics] are really biting today if you want to take a breather and just do a bit of fishing.” [this dialogue only triggers if the Deputy hasn’t filled out the map yet for fishing spots, and adds one to the map with a notification.] - [General] “Hey, there’s a prepper stash over yonder, if you want to try your hand at getting at it. [This dialogue only triggers at random if the Deputy hasn’t polished off all the nearby Prepper stashes already. Marks a nearby prepper stash on the map and gives a notification.]

- [General] “You know what surprises me? That the Project didn’t try to shut off the power plant to at least portions of the county. Sure lots of people are preppers or woodsmen and such, but electricity makes everything easier for us. Weird, ain’t it? They have the technicians for it I’m sure. Guess we should thank our lucky stars they either didn’t think of that or decided it wasn’t worth it. We’d be straight out of ice cold beer then, Whitehorse would hate that.” - [If the Deputy is taking the no-kill route] “Hey I just want to say...I appreciate you trying not to kill people, even if some of these cultists are absolute motherfuckers who deserve it. We might be able to stop all their prophecy crap dead in its tracks if you keep this up. And...you know. Thanks for not killing my crazy relatives? I think. They’ve done a lot of bad shit and they need to answer for that, but...the right way, not backwoods murder. We’re better than that, I hope.” - [If the Deputy is taking the killing route] “I get wanting to kill the Seeds and the cult...but this isn’t going to end well, even after we’re done. I wish you wouldn’t, but I can’t stop you if this is the choice you’ve made. ...I’m sorry I can’t be of more help to you. I...hope you’ll be alright, in the end. But I don’t think you will be.” [Recall that Joshua Knows What Will Happen To The Deputy if they take the canonically-based killing route. He leaves before the final confrontation, and curiously Whitehorse, Pratt, and Hudson don’t show up in the final scene either—ie, whichever route the Deputy chooses, they survive elsewhere (coughcough Joshua’s secret bunker cough.) The scene with Joseph still happens more or less the same, only the Deputy leaves alone if they choose Walk Away, and ends up alone with Joseph if they choose Resist. Also interestingly enough: Dutch isn’t present on the radio, nor in his bunker. His fish have been taken too. Joshua didn’t have the time to grab everyone, so he tried to grab the ones he knew for sure would die, and warned the others that he foresaw not surviving the Collapse or aftermath, like Mary May and Jess Black, or who suffered serious injuries like Grace. His buds Sharky and Hurk he bribes with beer and weed to hide out in their bunker or hang out in his while this goes down. Boomer, Cheeseburger, and Peaches are all herded to safety (yes there are mechanics for that in the standard AU verse, we shan’t delve into them here though bc spoilers tho.) The others he tries to warn, but whether he managed to get to them and some of the other latter people mentioned above in time or not is uncertain.] - [If the Deputy switched from a killing route to a no-kill route and all of the Seeds are still alive, Joshua sounds relieved] “Hey, I know it’s...it’s hard to hold off pulling the trigger when someone who’s hurt so many people is in your gunsights, but...I do think bringing them in for actual processing through the legal system—a proper trial without bullshit—is the better way. For all of us. Thank you.” - [If the Deputy switched from a no-kill route to a killing route, sounds slightly devastated] “...Why?” - [If the Deputy is doing a “neutral” run of killing significant numbers of cultists, but is sparing the Seeds as they go] “...I appreciate you not killing the murdery head-cult-family members, but…you think we could maybe lighten up on killing the rank and file? They don’t have the big names and they aren’t the leaders, but those are still people. They are responsible for their own actions, not saying they aren’t, but many of them are redeemable. Not all of them, but...maybe we can just lay them out in the infirmary for a good long while instead? Nothing permanent. The bad ones though can fall off a cliff.”

- [If the Deputy is doing a “selective killing” run of not killing rank and file cultists, but is in the process of killing all the Seed Heralds. Joshua sounds conflicted.] “I appreciate you not killing the followers, though some of them are definitely bastards who shouldn’t be allowed to walk free for the shit they’ve done, but...you think we could...maybe not kill the Seeds either? The Seeds are the primary responsible parties, not contesting that, but maybe we can just kick their asses and arrest them instead? It might help dampen the chaos somewhat, maybe we can use ‘em for leverage. We certainly could hide them somewhere secure that the Peggies wouldn’t be able to find ‘em. It’d be easier to talk Joseph down too, using his siblings as leverage.” [See above for killing route ending details.] Also? We’re driving in separate cars. Don’t turn on the radio, stay away from the others. You’re still brainwashed, and dangerous.” [Joshua is disappointed in the Deputy for not having stuck to some manner of universal moral principle.] - [If friendly, and the Deputy is on either a no-kill playthrough or has switched to a no-kill route,] “Hey, you wanna play a game of checkers, or chess? Take five for a bit, if you got the time?” - [If friendly, and the Deputy is on either a no-kill playthrough or has switched to a no-kill route,] “Hey, not to be mushy or anything, but...thank you. For being you. It’s inspiring to see someone’s able to take the higher path when everything’s falling to pieces all around us. Makes me have a little bit more faith in humanity, too.” - [If friendly, and the Deputy is on either a no-kill playthrough or has switched to a no-kill route, and has been on said no-kill route for a decent amount of time,] “Hey, we grabbed some really good produce this time around and sent it on over to Casey. Told him I’d tell you to swing by, and asked him to save some for you in case you were interested. They’ve got some fresh beef for burgers and sandwiches, pumpkin pie, apple pie, loaded baked potatoes, and all kinds of other tasty stuff for a cookout. The Ryes are coming round to help pitch in and organize it all as a little morale boost party. Wanna come? You deserve to put up your feet and relax, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who’d appreciate your company if you felt like joining in. If you’d rather not, I can sneak food to you if you want quiet time to yourself. It’s all good, just tell me what you want and where you want it.”

Location Specific:

- Near where the police station was, if it’s been burned down: [Sighs.] “While I’m not missing the paperwork that got torched, there was a nice feel of history to the old place. Wish they hadn’t burned it down, fuckers. But, well...the Project and the Seeds have good reason to have no love for police and authority figures among others, even before all this horribleness and the leadup stuff came down. So I can’t say I’m surprised they did.”

- Upon entering the Spread Eagle, if friendly: “Finally, a place where everybody knows our names instead of yelling “Deputies!” at us all day! Wanna hit up the arcade? I’ll buy the first round if you get the higher score.”

- Seed Ranch, outside if it hasn’t been liberated, inside if it has been liberated: “Never going to understand why some folks want real airy houses with so much dead space as their main living quarters. Feels more like a knickknack museum you’re supposed to look at, not a home you’re supposed to live in. He’s got all this Eden’s Gate paraphernalia in those glass display cases, and I don’t doubt John’s fervent in his beliefs, but it feels more like a rich boy’s hunting and vacation lodge cobbled together with a vague idea of home. You saw the doghouse out back, right? What’s the point of having a dog live outside if you’ve got ALL this space, it’s all finished wood floors, and you’ve made sure to train ‘em and raise ‘em properly so they know not to chew on the furniture? It’s lonely, that’s what this is. Joseph chides John and all that about learning to love, but it’s a case of the blind leading the blind there.” - Outside St. Francis Veterans Center: [Before the Veterans Center is liberated, if Jacob has captured the Deputy at least once, so the song “Only You” is played around the Center, and the melody starts to be audible in the distance as the group approaches.] “Yeah hey, I’m going to go the other way now and wait for you over here where I can’t hear the song of madness, ‘kay? Maybe you should avoid it too.” [This is followed by Joshua refusing to go too close to the Center, sans possible AU story missions.] - Anywhere near Joseph’s Island: [The first time the party gets near Joseph’s Island,] “Uh. No. I’m not going near that place twice any sooner than we need to.” [Watch Joshua be willing to jump out even into deep water and swim away if the Deputy tries to approach the island with him in tow on a boat.]

OC Fighting Style

Tagged by @chyrstis​ !! Thank you for the tag!! :D <3 This was another fun one to fill out (and shorter than the above but you know what we’re stapling all of these bad boys into one post bc Why Not.) Have an aesthetic picture of a Jacob sheep skull upon a sheep skin for the fun implications of what that says about Joshua’s fighting style. xD Ram skull image after some searching was sourced from [here], with a creative commons license for free-to-reuse, with some limitations.

Rules: bold = often (or always), italics = sometimes, default = rarely, strike = never

fight honorably / fight dirty / prefer close-quarters / prefer range / chat during / go silent / low pain tolerance / high pain tolerance / attack in bursts / attack steadily / go for the kill / aim to disarm / fight defensively / bait an opponent’s first strike / strike first / provoked easily / provoke their opponent / tease / get visibly frustrated / shout while attacking / use strategy / focus on their battle / experience conflicting thoughts during battle / rush in recklessly / try to read their opponent before fighting / fight wildly / fight calmly, apathetically / fight with anger / fight with excitement / fight because they have to / fight because they want to / fight without regard to wounds / run away when wounded / hide wounds / take a blow to protect another / prefer a blade / prefer a gun (non lethal rounds/tranquilizer darts) / prefer a bow / prefer a shield /  prefer a spear naginata / prefer a personalized weapon / prefer psychic abilities / prefer brawling / their greatest weakness is physical / their greatest weakness is mental / their greatest weakness is emotional / transform for battle / fight as they appear / rely on strength / rely on speed / use everything they have / hide their full potential / exhaust quickly /  high stamina / doubt their strength / proceed with caution / behave arrogantly / brag after landing a hit / belittle their abilities / use psychological tactics / use brute strength / avoid civilians / strike down civilians / damage surroundings / avoid damaging surroundings / signature fighting style / making it up as they go / mastered skillset / learning their skillset / fancy footwork / sloppy footwork / messy fighter / elegant fighter / accept defeat / refuse defeat / beg for mercy / compliment their opponent / insult their opponent / use unnecessary movements / move efficiently / barely move / prefer to dodge / prefer to block / defend their blindside / has no blindside / use all available advantages / strictly use one main method / play around / hold back / fight ruthlessly / show mercy / wait for opponent to be ready / strike when opponent isn’t ready / fear death  / fear pain / fear killing / has PTSD / avoid fighting / has lost a fight / has won a fight / has killed / refuses to kill / want to die standing / would succumb slowly

WIP Day

Tagged by @chyrstis and @hawkfurze !! Thank you for the tags!! :D <3

An excerpt from the current WIP chapter for ACABH: ————————— Weak. He was so weak, barely able to move right now, and he didn’t even know why. There was pain, a lot of pain, a feeling like his bones were on fire and about to crumble under pressure at any moment—but he’d been through worse. In this instance, he could recall that he’d fallen through the sky for a brief tumultuous time before gravity had stepped in, leading to him landing hard upon the road, as if making up for the lack of physics earlier. —————————

[jaskanetic]

It's 2 AM bois so here's some fun fact about me.

I am a very genuine person, when I speak.

Everything I say, is honest.

And I know it's probably hard to believe.

But I am, genuine, when it comes to speech.

Which I guess, makes my way of speech kinda weird?

I ALWAYS say what I think and feel, in the heat of the moment.

I don't really gatekeep much, because I'm dumb and forget, and also because at the same time, I want to be an honest and trustworthy person. And so, being 100% honest about what you think and feel should be a thing, right?

My brain isn't usually on par much, when I talk.

During a conversation, I will say exactly what I think and what I feel. If I tell you "I care about you a lot" it is extremely genuine. If I say "I don't like X thing much", I am being honest. If I say "I don't like what you said about X thing", then I am being honest. And I usually follow that last one with "that's my opinion" or "I'm just not comfortable with it".

I WILL tell you when I am not comfortable.

I WILL tell you if you've made me upset.

I WILL voice if I don't want to see you.

On a side note;

It's come to my attention sometimes, the way I speak is confusing.

Did I say that already? Idk I'm too lazy to scroll up.

When I'm in a conversation, my mind is a mix of all over the place, and focused on just one thing. It has always been like that.

While talking, I will be both focused on the present, while also rereading past messages, thinking about the past tense and future tense of the conversation. I will consider how the other person(s) may think or feel, but I will also consider on how I think or feel. Or I might just zone out in general and forget everything. I overthink.

I will still say, exactly, what I feel and think, in that exact moment.

Sometimes, if it's a long conversation, what I think or feel will quickly change, especially after I've just gained new knowledge.

Let's say, I wake up one day and I'm sad because my mom isn't talking to me. And I start to vent about it. Everything I say in that exact moment is exactly what I'm thinking and feeling, right then. Let's say, while I'm venting, my mom comes in my room and says something nice. And then suddenly, my mood changes, and what I feel, think, and say, will change right then as well.

It's like.... Being a car engine. When I'm on, I run, and how I run changes based on what it is that's happening. Like if my brakes start being wonky, or I slow down from low battery, or if the AC stops because I'm out of water. And then you add whatever to me and suddenly the situation changes.

And after, so very long, I'm beginning to think maybe this is why some people find me, guilt, trippy?

And here's what I have to say about that:

I really don't ever have bad intentions for anyone.

I really do just say what I think and feel in the moment.

I'm a human being.

My opinions are constantly changing.

I have a desire for trust in not just others, but myself, and that requires I be 100% honest in everything I say and do.

My feelings, constantly change.

I can understand, being confused when I'm suddenly enlightened mid-convo.

But never in my life ever have I ever sat down and told myself "wow can't wait to make someone do what I want by making them feel bad."

Because that's super scummy. Disgusting. Revolting. Pathetic.

People who know me KNOW, that when I am AWARE of WHAT I did wrong, I will apologise for it and make an attempt to do better.

People who know me, know, I feel like absolute shit if I make someone even marginally, even slightly offput or upset.

People who know me know, I'm even afraid of being anything but memey friend fun times because I don't want to make other people sad by being sad.

If by chance, I do not apologise, or do not change, it is simply because: I have no idea I did something wrong.

And those who know me, know, I will never bite them for confronting me about something I said or did that made them upset.

I welcome it.

Because those who know me, hopefully, know that I value their wants, needs, and comforts, over all else. Yeah, video games and memes are fun, but bro, you're emotions are valid. And if like, I'm making you feel some weird vibe, please tell me.

If I say something, in a convo, and I seem guilt trippy. I promise you, I am just saying exactly how I feel and think, in the heat of the moment. And that, through the conversation, my thoughts and feels have most than likely changed based on new knowledge.

That's it. That's literally it.

Like I really would never want to guilt anyone. I'm just. Emotional. And human. So my thoughts and all change constantly.

I've made effort to change, and I have. In the sense that, I am a lot more laid back than I used to be.

So the way I speak is less emotional and more casual and thought out.

Yes. Believe it or not. I now think before I say things.

And I guess that summaries it doesn't it?

Basically I say what I feel and I'm dumb and don't think before I talk because brain don't work so good.

And I'm deeply sorry, to any friends who may have felt guilt tripped because of it.

I promise you I'd never intend that.

I just.

Don't think before I act. It's a problem I've been working on and I promise I've gotten better. I've already recieved confirmation I have by a friend I've been spending a lot of time with. I'm trying to think before I speak because I genuinely do care about how other's feel and want to be considerate, but I'm trying to find a middle ground in that I can be honest with myself and how I feel, while also being more careful in what I say. It's easy to do on paper, but the hard part is actually training my brain into that healthier mindset. I know I'm a lot different than I was, but I have a long ways to go.

But TLDR;

I'm sorry if the way I speak confuses anyone. I'm more chill than I was months ago, but I still tend to run all over the place while speaking, and my feelings as I talk tend to shift a lot mid-convo. And I'm sorry if I seem a certain way while speaking, I never intend any harm, I am merely sharing how I genuinely think and feel. With no intentions to influence you whatsoever. I am just trying to be honest is all.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

And if this is also confusing, sorry about that aixjsjxhshxhebxbenxnen. It happens, I'm working on it.

[hlupdate]

A hand­shake can quell polit­i­cal unrest and sti­fle impend­ing war. It can, with a bit of spit, val­i­date a gentleman’s agree­ment, end a years-long roman­tic rela­tion­ship or send a young heart rac­ing. But it all depends on the two par­ties involved.

Daisy, 21, felt a seis­mic jolt when Har­ry Styles, 25, wear­ing a striped jumper and rings on three of his five fin­gers, clutched her hand two days after this year’s Met Gala in New York, when she served him gela­to at the shop where she worked.

“He decid­ed on a small mint choco­late gela­to and I made his and the one for his friend and I said, ​‘Can I just say I absolute­ly loved your Met Gala look’ and he said ​‘Thank you very much! What’s your name?’ And I said, ​‘Daisy’ AND HE FUCK­ING EXTEND­ED HISHAND AND REACHED TO SHAKE MY HAND AND I ACTU­AL­LY FUCK­INGSHOOK HIS HAND WHAT THE FUCK,” she wrote on Insta­gram after The Shak­en­ing. ​“Like I didn’t even say any­thing to gas him up besides ​‘I loved your met gala look’ and his fine ass went and shook my hand! WHAT A BEAU­TI­FUL FUCK­ING HUMAN BEINGTHAT HE IS GOD BLESS HIM AND I HOPE HW [sic] LIVES FOREVER.”

For Har­ry Styles, a hand­shake can be a roman­tic ges­ture, con­jur­ing a potent rev­er­ence in its recip­i­ent, like the time he met Gucci’s cre­ative direc­tor Alessan­dro Michele. ​“He was as attrac­tive as James Dean and as per­sua­sive as Gre­ta Gar­bo. He was like a Luchi­no Vis­con­ti char­ac­ter, like an Apol­lo: at the same time sexy as a woman, as a kid, as a man,” Michele told me, has­ten­ing to add: ​“Of course, Har­ry is not aware of this.”

No, Styles has no idea the pow­er he wields. In per­son, he’s tow­er­ing, like some­one who is not that much taller but whose rep­u­ta­tion adds four inch­es. Styles has a seda­tive bari­tone, spo­ken in a rum­my north­ern Eng­lish accent, that tum­bles out so slow­ly you for­get the name of your first born, a swag­ger that has been nursed and per­fect­ed in myth­i­cal places with names like Pais­ley Park, or Abbey Road, or Grace­land. Makes com­plete sense that he would be up for the role of Elvis Pres­ley in Baz Luhrmann’s upcom­ing biopic. He was primed, nay, born to shake his hips, all but one but­ton on his shirt cling­ing for dear life around his tor­so. Then the part was award­ed to anoth­er actor, Austin Butler.

“[Elvis] was such an icon for me grow­ing up,” Styles tells me. ​“There was some­thing almost sacred about him, almost like I didn’t want to touch him. Then I end­ed up get­ting into [his life] a bit and I wasn’t dis­ap­point­ed,” he adds of his ini­tial research and prepa­ra­tions to play The King. He seems relaxed about los­ing the part to But­ler. ​“I feel like if I’m not the right per­son for the thing, then it’s best for both of us that I don’t do it, you know?”

Styles released his self-titled debut solo album in May 2017. The boy­band grad was clear­ly unin­ter­est­ed in hol­low­ing out the charts with more for­mu­la­ic meme pop. Instead, to the sur­prise of many, he dug his heels into retro-fetishist West Coast ​’70s rock. Some of the One Direc­tion fan-hordes might have been con­fused, but no mat­ter: Har­ry Styles sold one mil­lion copies.

Despite its com­mer­cial and crit­i­cal suc­cess, he didn’t tour the album right away. He want­ed to act in the Christo­pher Nolan film Dunkirk. To his cred­it, his por­tray­al of a British sol­dier cow­er­ing in a moored boat on the French beach­es as the Nazis advanced wasn’t skew­ered in the press like the movie debuts of, say, Madon­na or Justin Tim­ber­lake. Per­haps he was fol­low­ing advice giv­en by Elton John, who had urged him to diver­si­fy. ​“He was bril­liant in Dunkirk, which took a lot of peo­ple by sur­prise,” John writes in an email. ​“I love how he takes chances and risks.” Act­ing, unlike music, is a release for Styles; it’s the one time he can be not himself.

“Why do I want to act? It’s so dif­fer­ent to music for me,” he says, sud­den­ly ani­mat­ed. ​“They’re almost oppo­site for me. Music, you try and put so much of your­self into it; act­ing, you’re try­ing to total­ly dis­ap­pear in who­ev­er you’re being.”

Fol­low­ing the news that he missed out on Pres­ley, his name was float­ed for the role of Prince Eric in Disney’s live-action remake of The Lit­tle Mer­maid. How­ev­er, fans will have to wait a bit longer to see Styles on the big screen as that idea, too, has sunk. He won’t be The King or the Prince. ​“It was dis­cussed,” he acknow­ledges before swift­ly chang­ing the sub­ject. ​“I want to put music out and focus on that for a while. But every­one involved in it was amaz­ing, so I think it’s going to be great. I’ll enjoy watch­ing it, I’m sure.”

The new album is wrapped and the sin­gle is decid­ed upon. ​“It’s not like his last album,” his friend, rock ​‘n’ roll leg­end Ste­vie Nicks, told me recent­ly over the phone. ​“It’s not like any­thing One Direc­tion ever did. It’s pure Har­ry, as Har­ry would say. He’s made a very dif­fer­ent record and it’s spectacular.”

Beyond that, Styles is keep­ing his cards close to his chest as to his next musi­cal move. How­ev­er, the air is thick with rumours that his main wing­man for HS2 is Kid Har­poon, aka Tom Hull, who co-wrote debut album track Sweet Crea­ture. No less an author­i­ty than Liam Gal­lagher told us that both big band escapees were in the same stu­dio – RAK in north-west Lon­don – at the same time mak­ing their sec­ond solo albums. Styles played him a cou­ple of tracks, ​“and I tell you what, they’re good,” Gal­lagher enthused. ​“A bit like that Bon Iver. Is that his name?”

Har­ry Styles met Nicks at a Fleet­wood Mac con­cert in Los Ange­les in April 2015. Some­thing about him felt authen­tic to the leg­endary front­woman: ground­ed, like she’d known him for­ev­er, blessed with a win­ning moon­shot grin. A month lat­er, they met back­stage at anoth­er Mac gig, this time at the O2 in Lon­don. Styles brought a car­rot cake for Nicks’ birth­day, her name piped in icing on top. By her own admis­sion, Nicks doesn’t even cel­e­brate birth­days, so this was a sur­prise. ​“He was per­son­al­ly respon­si­ble for me actu­al­ly hav­ing to cel­e­brate my birth­day, which was very sweet,” she says.

Styles’ rela­tion­ship with Nicks is hard to define. Induct­ing her into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in New York as a solo artist ear­li­er this year, his speech hymned her as a ​“mag­i­cal gyp­sy god­moth­er who occu­pies the in-between”. She’s called him her ​“lovechild” with Mick Fleet­wood and the ​“son I nev­er had”. Both have moved past the pre­lim­i­nary chat acknowl­edg­ing each other’s unquan­tifi­able tal­ents and smooth­ly accel­er­at­ed towards play­ful cut-and-thrust ban­ter of a witch mom and her naughty child.

They per­form togeth­er – he sings The Chainand Stop Drag­gin’ My Heart Around; she sings the one alleged­ly writ­ten about Tay­lor Swift, Two Ghosts. One of those per­for­mances was at the Guc­ci Cruise after­par­ty in Rome in May, for ​“a lot of mon­ey”, Nicks tells me, in a ​“big kind of cas­tle place”. She has become his de fac­to men­tor – one phone call is all it takes to reach the Queen of Rock’n’Roll for advice on sequenc­ing (“She is real­ly good at track list­ing,” Styles admits) or just to hear each other’s voic­es… because, well, wouldn’t you?

Fol­low­ing anoth­er Fleet­wood Mac con­cert, at London’s Wem­b­ley Sta­di­um, in June, Nicks met Styles for a late (Indi­an) din­ner. He then invit­ed her back to his semi-detached Geor­gian man­sion in north Lon­don for a lis­ten­ing par­ty at mid­night. The album – HS2or what­ev­er it’ll be called – was fin­ished. Nicks, her assis­tant Karen, her make-up artist and her friends Jess and Mary crammed onto Styles’ liv­ing-room couch. They lis­tened to it once through in silence like a ​“bunch of edu­cat­ed monks or some­thing in this dark room”. Then once again, 15 or 16 tracks, this time each of his guests offer­ing live feed­back. It wrapped at 5am, just as the sun was bleed­ing through the curtains.

Even for a pop star of Styles’ stature, press­ing ​“play” on a deeply per­son­al work for your hero to digest, watch­ing her face react in real time to your new music, must be… what?

“It’s a dou­ble-edged thing,” he replies. ​“You’re always ner­vous when you are play­ing peo­ple music for the first time. You’ve heard it so much by this point, you for­get that peo­ple haven’t heard it before. It’s hard to not feel like you’ve done what you’ve set out to do. You are hap­py with some­thing and then some­one who you respect so much and look up to is, like: ​‘I real­ly like this.’ It feels like a large stamp [of approval]. It’s a big step towards feel­ing very com­fort­able with what­ev­er else hap­pens to it.”

Wad­ing through Styles’ back­ground info is exhaust­ing, since he was spanked by fame in the social media era where every god­dam blink of a kohl-rimmed eye has been doc­u­ment­ed from six angles. (And yes, he does some­times wear guyliner.)

Deep breath: born in Red­ditch, Worces­ter­shire, to par­ents Des and Anne, who divorced when he was sev­en. Grew up in Holmes Chapel in Cheshire with his sis­ter Gem­ma, mum and step­dad Robin Twist. Rode hors­es at a near­by sta­ble for free (“I was a bad rid­er, but I was a rid­er”). Stopped rid­ing, ​“got into dif­fer­ent stuff”. Formed a band, White Eski­mo, with school­mates. Aged 16, tried out for the 2010 run of The X Fac­torwith a stir­ring but aver­age ren­di­tion of Ste­vie Wonder’s Isn’t She Love­ly. Cut from the show and put into a boy band with four oth­ers, Louis Tom­lin­son, Liam Payne, Niall Horan and Zayn Malik, and called One Direc­tion. Became inter­na­tion­al­ly famous, toured the globe. Zayn quit to go solo. Toured some more. Dat­ed but maybe didn’t date Car­o­line Flack, Rita Ora and Tay­lor Swift – whom he report­ed­ly dumped in the British Vir­gin Islands. (This rela­tion­ship, if noth­ing else, yield­ed an icon­ic, can­did shot of Swift look­ing deject­ed, being motored back to shore on the back of a boat called the Fly­ing Ray.) One Direc­tion dis­cussed dis­band­ing in 2014, actu­al­ly dis­solved in 2015. They remain friend­ly, and Styles offi­cial­ly went solo in 2016.

It’s been two years since his epony­mous debut and lead sin­gle, Sign of the Times, shocked the world and Elton John with its swag­ger­ing, soft rock sound. ​“It came out of left field and I loved it,” John says.

After 89 are­na-packed shows across five con­ti­nents grossed him, the label, whomev­er, over $61 mil­lion, Styles had all but dis­ap­peared. He has emerged only inter­mit­tent­ly for pub­lic-fac­ing events – a Guc­ci after­par­ty per­for­mance here, a Met Gala co-chair­ing there. He relo­cat­ed from Los Ange­les back to Lon­don, sell­ing his Hol­ly­wood Hills house for $6mil­lion and ship­ping his Jaguar E-type across the Atlantic so he could take joyrides on the M25.

“I’m not over LA,” he insists when I ask about the move. ​“My rela­tion­ship with LAchanged a lot. What I want­ed from LA changed.”

A great escape, he would agree, is some­times nec­es­sary. He was in Tokyo for most of Jan­u­ary, hav­ing near­ly fin­ished his album. ​“I need­ed time to get out of that album frame-of-mind of: ​‘Is it fin­ished? Where am I at? What’s hap­pen­ing?’ I real­ly need­ed that time away from every­one. I was kind of just in Tokyo by myself.” His sab­bat­i­cal most­ly involved read­ing Haru­ki Murakami’s The Wind-Up Bird Chron­i­cle, singing Nir­vana at karaoke, writ­ing alone in his hotel room, lis­ten­ing to music and eaves­drop­ping on strangers in alien con­ver­sa­tion. ​“It was just a pos­i­tive time for my head and I think that impact­ed the album in a big way.”

Dur­ing this break he watched a lot of films, read a lot of books. Some­times he texts these rec­om­men­da­tions to his pal Michele at Guc­ci. He told Michele to watch the Ali Mac­graw film, Love Sto­ry. ​“We text what friends text about. He is the same [as me] in terms of he lives in his own world and he does his own thing. I love dress­ing up and he loves dress­ing up.”

Because he loves dress­ing up, Michele chose Styles to be the face of three Guc­ci Tai­lor­ing cam­paigns and of its new gen­der­less fra­grance, Mémoire d’une Odeur.

“The moment I met him, I imme­di­ate­ly under­stood there was some­thing strong around him,” Michele tells me. ​“I realised he was much more than a young singer. He was a young man, dressed in a thought­ful way, with uncombed hair and a beau­ti­ful voice. I thought he gath­ered with­in him­self the fem­i­nine and the masculine.”

Fash­ion, for Styles, is a play­ground. Some­thing he doesn’t take too seri­ous­ly. A cou­ple of years ago Har­ry Lam­bert, his styl­ist since 2015, acquired for him a pair of pink metal­lic Saint Lau­rent boots that he has nev­er been pho­tographed wear­ing. They are exceed­ing­ly rare – few pairs exist. Styles wears them ​“to get milk”. They are, in his words, ​“super-fun”. He’s not sure, but he has, ball­park, 50 pairs of shoes, as well as full clos­ets in at least three post­codes. He set­tles on an out­fit fair­ly quick­ly, maybe changes his T-shirt once before head­ing out, but most­ly knows what he likes.

What he may not ful­ly com­pre­hend is that sim­ply by being pho­tographed in a gar­ment he can spur the career of a design­er, as he has with Har­ris Reed, Palo­mo Spain, Charles Jef­frey, Alled-Martínez and a new favourite, Bode. Styles wore a SS16 Guc­ci flo­ral suit to the 2015 Amer­i­can Music Awards. When he was asked who made his suit on the red car­pet, Guc­ci began trend­ing world­wide on Twitter.

“It was one of the first times a male wore Alessandro’s run­way designs and, at the time, men were not tak­ing too many red car­pet risks,” says Lam­bert. ​“Who knows if it influ­enced oth­ers, but it was a spe­cial moment. Plus, it was fun see­ing the fans dress up in suits to come see Harry’s shows.”

Yet tra­di­tion­al gen­der codes of dress still have the minds of mid­dle Amer­i­ca in a choke­hold. Men can’t wear women’s clothes, say the online whingers, who have labelled him ​“trag­ic”, ​“a clown” and a Bowie wannabe. Styles doesn’t care. ​“What’s fem­i­nine and what’s mas­cu­line, what men are wear­ing and what women are wear­ing – it’s like there are no lines any more.”

Elton John agrees: ​“It worked for Marc Bolan, Bowie and Mick. Har­ry has the same qualities.”

Then there is the ques­tion of Styles’ sex­u­al­i­ty, some­thing he has admit­ted­ly ​“nev­er real­ly start­ed to label”, which will plague him until he does. Per­haps it’s part of his allure. He’s bran­dished a pride flag that read ​“Make Amer­i­ca Gay Again” on stage, and plant­ed a stake some­where left of cen­tre on sexuality’s rain­bow spectrum.

“In the posi­tion that he’s in, he can’t real­ly say a lot, but he chose a queer girl band to open for him and I think that speaks vol­umes,” Josette Maskin of the queer band MUNA told The Face ear­li­er this year.

“I get a lot of…” Styles trails off, wheels turn­ing on how he can dis­cuss sex­u­al­i­ty with­out real­ly answer­ing. ​“I’m not always super-out­spo­ken. But I think it’s very clear from choic­es that I make that I feel a cer­tain way about lots of things. I don’t know how to describe it. I guess I’m not…” He paus­es again, piv­ots. ​“I want every­one to feel wel­come at shows and online. They want to be loved and equal, you know? I’m nev­er unsup­port­ed, so it feels weird for me to over­think it for some­one else.”

Sex­u­al­i­ty aside, he must acknowl­edge that he has sex appeal. ​“The word ​‘sexy’ sounds so strange com­ing out of my mouth. So I would say that that’s prob­a­bly why I would not con­sid­er myself sexy.”

Har­ry Styles has emerged ful­ly-formed, an anachro­nis­tic rock star, vague in sen­si­bil­i­ty but des­tined to impress with a dis­arm­ing smile and a warm but firm handshake.

I recite to him a quote from Chrissie Hyn­de of The Pre­tenders about her time atop rock’s throne: ​“I nev­er got into this for the mon­ey or because I want­ed to join in the super­star sex around the swim­ming pools. I did it because the offer of a record con­tract came along and it seemed like it might be more fun than being a wait­ress. Now, I’m not so sure.”

Styles – who worked in a bak­ery in a small north­ern town some time before play­ing to 40,000 scream­ing fans in South Amer­i­can are­nas – must have wit­nessed some shit, been invit­ed to a few pool­side sex par­ties, in his time.

“I’ve seen a cou­ple of things,” he nods in agree­ment. ​“But I’m still young. I feel like there’s still stuff to see.”