#one day. ONE DAY. gotta aim high!!!! ! ! !

[zhongrin]

so i looked up the new music sheet that my teacher gave me bc i wanted to hear how it sounds like and

......

is it a grading exam song???

[potatoesandsunshine]

the thing about max is... if you put a problem in front of him he will solve it. this means that a lot of work goes into intercepting problems before they can get in front of him. corporal vale got away with a lot in the hinterlands because everything was so chaotic but baron desjardins in emprise du lion got a very polite, very detailed note from the ambassador about the importance of the herald's time after she found out he told him about the three high dragons in the area

[gangplanksorenji]

Pulchritude

Pairing: ITZY’s Yeji x Male Reader

Word Count: 7,089

A/N: It's been a while Orenjideul! This wasn't planned to be on my draft schedule but planned at the same time LOL (pretty much quickly written). Also, thanks for @mintwithchoco for the beta-reading that made the insights about the fic!!

This was originally part of something I've been working on with and expanded it with such vague plot to probably spice things up. Enjoy reading!! <3

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“You’re crazy for this one, Chaewon.”

“It’s not my doing—” Chaewon retorts, circling her fingers onto the rim of her glass with such a distinctive smell of a concoction that piques you, distracting you a little from her words. “—this is just a part of a test.”

She drinks from her glass and darts her eyes towards you, laced with anticipation and that hint of doubt in you. You smirk with her given stare, feeling that she's getting ahead of herself with it and she’ll soon eat up her words. Extending your arm a little onto the head of the chair, you look at her with vanity and such a playful intent that intimidates her a little. “I’d say you being here is somewhat helpful by all means…”

“And why is that?” 

Her eyes never fail to intimidate you, those orbs glowing in anticipation as she doesn't break her sophisticated demeanor. You fix your posture and lean closer to her, elbows on the table and your hands subtly clasped, answering her. “So I could let you know that you’ll be embarrassed at the end of the day.”

Chaewon’s hubris wouldn’t let your words slide and make her believe you, a chortle audible within your ears as she shifted onto her usual phlegmatic disposition. “We’ll see about that but for now—” Her well-manicured nails click the champagne glass two times, before giving a sly smile of a faulty sincerity. “—you gotta do what you gotta do.”

It wouldn’t end in a usual Chaewon fashion unless her drink is empty, sipping the last few milliliters of that delectable concoction, then getting off on her seat with her last words of the night. “Text me when you’ve done it, then we'll meet tomorrow afternoon.”

Grabbing her designer bag then leaving towards the doors of such a high-class bar, you could just sense the air reeking defeat all over you, but you’ll prove her wrong. You’ll just thank yourself for getting rid of her condescending nature albeit it really fuels your aim for victory, so is the upbeat music the bar brings. 

You’ll make things work and take that triumphant ecstasy up to your name, with someone’s panties on the floor. 

“I guess we need the devil inside me to take over.” Of course you will, and you’ll do that just about right.

---

Maybe the myths are true: sometimes, the devil does unspeakable things and it’s only a matter of time before it unveils its real nature. Not exactly an excerpt, a quote or the sayings of the elderly but mostly your own common conscience that has its own intersections of roads you can’t fathom nor follow—deep inside, you’re on a leash and Chaewon’s words intoxicates you, and you’ll prove her wrong after this. 

“We’re going to have some fun tonight.”

“Oh, do you think we will?” You ask pretty playfully and audaciously, playing with her possible games. You barely know her aside from being that time where you’d constantly steal glances with her during and after Chaewon’s existence at the bar and subconsciously know you’d always come. At that moment, you know something’s disturbed within you and it’s in a good way—this is something that’s completely going to serve gratification, and you can sense how strong your gut feeling is.

“We will.” The girl inches herself closer towards you, your back pressed against the cold concrete as she pins you with her frame, fidgeting her fingers onto the hem of your shirt and then the penultimate, such dexterous fingers circling around your chest.

You feel her minty breath mixed with a hint of tequila brush against your skin as you raise her head, eyes in contact with yours—you know she’s proving something, even just with her words but those wouldn’t be enough.

“Care for an introduction?” Your hands fancy its way onto her waist, as you endearingly looked at those sharp, monolid eyes of hers rivaling that alluring stare. 

Her eyes dart between your face and onto your body, as her voice speaks up in a volume.“Yeji. You can call me Yeji.” 

Her voice invites you, and you’re captivated with her sultry tone and god, that stare of hers would make any man fall upon your own judgment but on your shoes, it would bear such a challenge. Even with such temptation handled pretty well, you can’t help but hint such an invitation under her spell—those eyes, her sultry voice, such a beautiful face and the promised treasure of them all, her impeccable figure.

You’d like to start on something fresh, induce such a new chapter that’s bound to end up in such an incredible fashion but you could only assume those things, yet.

Well, you won’t fight yourself over some idiotic retaliation between your temptations and let yourself be the judge of her capabilities and this doesn’t help when she’s just inches away from laying such a mark that will define one’s lust.

Looking straight to the abyssal void of her eyes, you’re enticed as you lift off her chin with your finger. “There you go, I love a woman with manners.” You hit her up with her own medicine: tempting.

“Who says anything about manners?” Even such chagrins or predicaments wouldn’t stop her, not unless you tell her so as the only thing you could feel are those luscious lips locked against yours. 

The sounds of such muscle creating vacuum of sounds and suctions overpowers the fading noise of the music the bar resonates—all you can hear is her kisses up against yours and you’d love to listen to it all day. 

Nothing too short nor sweet, but god, this was enough to make such a bold verdict.

“A talented kisser, hm?” Yeji hums as she pulls away from your lips’ embrace, feeling captivated with the way you display such talent.

“A girl as pretty as you would make a man like this.” Your hands then freely roam to the limited skin her waist shows but you’re not the guy to complain, but to be grateful. “Now tell me something, Yeji…”

Yeji’s eyes widen; pupils dilate as she anticipates your next words, “Tell what?”

You smirk, as your buttons were pressed enough to make such a bold move. “Why would you want me? From all of the people there, why me?”

Yeji smirks just like you, then bites her lips, using such a modicum of her actions to indulge you even more. “I just know the world destined us to this moment—led us to this moment and god…” Yeji’s hands unbuttons the topmost button of your shirt as her hands permeate such heat onto your chest to push you onto the edge. “I know what you’re gonna give to me tonight.”

Such telepathic abilities enable you to read her thoughts, and you know exactly where she’s going towards, “Let me guess, a show for the world to know?”

“For the world to fucking know.” Yeji’s words end your sentence, and seal the deal.

Licking her lips in delight, you can feel her hands roam on your chest, your abdomen then the final stop, your growing bulge. She cups onto it like it’s something she would ruin and take care of, the best of both worlds as you let out such a nigh-inaudible moan, and Yeji knows exactly you’re liking this.

“You always need to ask.” And there she goes with her wonders.

All you can see is Yeji promptly getting on her knees, and with her absolute dexterity, does her talent to unbuckle and undress your bottom half more than a count to ten.

“God…” She’s mesmerized with the view she’s currently having: you, still in your boxers as her disposition clearly displays awe and amazement. “You’re hard already this fast? Must’ve turned you on too much?”

“Who wouldn’t with a girl like you?” It just shows your evident arousal, and Yeji’s grateful to bear such an entrance. Giving the green light, she then slowly strips off your boxers down to your ankles, mostly gravity doing the work and there she goes, such eyes gleaming with utter hunger and lust.

Her lips mouth such words full of awe as her hands cups the base of your erection, leisurely stroking it as she utters such profanity, “God, your cock is something else I didn’t expect.”

Your hubris just elevated, and let your commanding demeanor take over. “Glad it is. Now, show me what you’re made of.”

She wouldn’t lose against such a hubristic battle, and settles up for a possibly stellar moment. “I won’t disappoint.”

A clear view of her lips sends pecs around your length, letting you know the immediate worshiping and carnal needs fueling her for the time being. From the base up to your already leaking slit, she didn’t waste such precious time letting you know how much she loves this and it's just evident from the start. 

She grows impatient with her repetitive kisses and ups the ante, knowing how this will make your world go wild. “I may just find myself occupied more with this.”

“Less talking and more sucking.” As much as her patience grows thinner by the second, and so are yours. She scoffs off a giggle, knowing that the main event will be such a roller coaster ride.

With the last suction of her lips collecting that colorless liquid, she advances onto something pleasurable. Her tongue then dances around your red cockhead, swirling and permeating her saliva around, upping such sensitivity on your end and with that result, you shiver and inevitably moan in response.

She suckles on your swollen head, then advances past your frenulum to do the wonder she does to your slit and god, this was elevating the experience of such gratification.

“God, s-such a talented mouth, huh?”

“Gifted, I guess.” She continues her oral assault on your throbbing length, thrusting her head up and down as she quickly accelerates the pace up to both your likings. 

The quicker speed sums up the possible experience she has and it shows—such technique is unmatched with the way her tongue dances around your shaft and the little introduction of such a serrated culprit antagonizing the pleasure you’re experiencing, albeit, you wouldn’t bother with such little pain. She takes more than half of your shaft as spits dominate her heart-shaped lips, running down to her cheeks and onto her chin which shows the passion she’s giving in every second.

The occurrence won’t be complete without elevated stimulation: you’d just feel your balls being fondled by her right hand as she encourages more for you to feel. 

And it’s working well, too well for you to utter such compliments. “You’d make myself occupied too, i-if you want—shit, that’s great…”

An audible mhmm can be heard between her bobs as she elevated the speed, then resulting into such a mess that’s just turning you on even more. Saliva continues to drip down onto her chin and onto your clothes that’s probably damned to be given care with, tears flowing down her cheek as she takes more and suddenly, she tests her limits with a single act of boldness and bravery.

She rests her nose onto your abdomen, testing her gag reflex as she’s determined to tame it but in the end, it wasn’t in her favor. Gasps escape her mouth as she catches her breath, saliva connected onto those sinful lips was just the cherry on top yet your grow little concern, afraid she may push herself too much as soon as she coughed. “You good, Yeji?”

“I’m good—I’m good, I’m g-great—your cock is just addicting.” The succulence was evident with her repeated slurps onto your shaft, and you’re just in total bliss with her performance.

Things are not done, and she’d like to end the business with a good note.

She proved herself enough and with her immediate harsh pace, you wouldn’t be a hypocrite nor lie about it. The blurry orange-bobbing head of hers just becomes a repeated image tarnished in your brain, etched until the end of time. She continues what she’s best at, gripping your thighs for further display of talent and as a reply with the surging pleasure coursing through your veins, you opted to fight the leverage with the gripping of your hands onto her audacious head.

Constant slurps, gags and moans just became the music in the air and it’s just the paramount mood you're indulged into. You’d be damned if someone will see the both of you in such a sinful act but you don’t care anymore, not when Yeji’s mouth does explicit wonders on every inch of your body and clouding your mind with such sinful thoughts.

The head game is literally onto another level of experience, but such things wouldn’t last for so long.

She can feel your persistent throbs in her mouth, and it’s a common courtesy to ask where it will end. “You’re pretty close, I assume.”

“Yeah—” You groan in pleasure as she strokes your saliva-sheathed cock with the utmost pace her hands can muster. “—and I want it all over your face.”

Yeji just smiled mischievously, knowing how things will end up on a pivotal climax and how things will unveil between the both of you. “Then do it—cover me.”

All you can see are those pretty, sharp eyes in awe as she closes it, her visage in full display for you to paint on. This is a canvas worth investing such artwork on  and you’d besmirch it with such strokes worth millions. She moans as she feels each rope touches her face, mostly her cheeks, nose, lips, chin and some even getting onto her hair. Those fifteen seconds felt like a minute as you’re in a total state of bliss and for such a conclusion, she strokes you in hopes of milking you dry, emptying up your reservoir.

“God, that tasted great.” Yeji licks her lips and hums in satisfaction and when your senses are coming back to life, you ask her with such doubt.

“How would you clean up?”

Yeji chuckles as she stands up, facing you, “No one wouldn’t care.”

You smile sincerely as you dress your bottom-half up, satisfied as her voice invites you. “Let’s get out of here.”

She’s partly a monster; partly an angel in disguise, yet she can be the best of both worlds and it’s only a matter of time before depths will be reached.

---

Gone are the boisterous music ringing repeatedly in your ears and the alcohol that will probably dominate your body, because at this time, there’s nothing better than her lips locked against yours for the second time.

She feels ruthless and so were you, feeling her tongue dancing against yours and you gripping her waist harshly as you deepen such entanglement.

Her room was something pivotal about your already impeding arousal: dim lights, vanilla-scented air freshener and such a balcony for the both of you to enjoy, and maybe it’s something else than what’s usually known for people to do there.

“Never knew you could have such a room, Yeji.”

Yeji smirks as her nails dug into your skin gently, pressing it playfully as she mouthed her own pride. “This is nothing compared to anything you’ll see but for now, you’ll be more than my guest.” And then her eyes locked up against yours as those orbs wandered around your beautiful face.

Her eyes really tell you about her adoration, as the earlier test was just the tip of the iceberg, and guess what, you passed with flying colors.

“I’d love to be one, Yeji.”

You then share another torrid kiss with her, feeling attached to her ultimately and falling under her spell. She kisses you genuinely as you reciprocate, but you want more, so you pull out of her lips’ embrace, earning a moan from her as you find your way on peppering her neck with pecs and those sharp collar bones. 

You’d eventually take a glance of her flawless features, even though it’s evident ruined by you earlier but it’s such an important element of such undying beauty. You earned your minuscule rewards—her faint moans and chants calling you—and you’d love to double it, with more skin, your lips parts and marks.

“God, please—fuck…” Yeji’s pleas are audible enough for you to be distracted and it’s worth your while knowing it’s something that could elevate such an experience.

“Please what, Yeji?” You continue pecking her creamy, porcelain skin, suckling on it but not enough to result in hickeys and god, it just resulted in sexier moans escaping her lips. 

She’s struggling to articulate words that can formulate her wants, but she’d put up an end to such a clouding demise. “I want more—god—more, please…”

You grip her waist harsher, gaining such control as you pin her harder onto the wall and what a poor soul whimpering upon your own dominative assertion. You grant her needs as you caress her waist while peppering her with torrid kisses, resulting in such a cacophonous symphony that you would cherish hearing every second. 

You wanted more from her and her answer still made your satisfaction resting onto a low zero. “What do you want from me, baby?”

The word elicits a gasp from her mouth, feeling appalled with such a name she always finds hot and funnily enough, the stars are aligning. 

She whimpers but manages to think clearly and didn’t hesitate to be vocal about it, “Your cock, please—” 

As she’s about to advance her hands onto your clothes crotch, you stop her as you shake your head leisurely, having another plan in mind. “No—have some patience and also…” Yeji’s eyes scintillate beneath the dim light that appears as she’s anticipating what words could leave your mouth. “I gotta return the favor.” 

Your hands roamed its way onto the hem of her tight skirt, and asked such a question she can’t deny. “May I?”

She hitched a broken breath and gulped as she responded intimately, “Yes—yes, you can.”

Your fingers ran towards the edge of her skirt and eventually found the zipper and did such wonders, things that could easily soothe her and make her more comfortable. As much as you wanted to see it down on the floor, revealing her probably wet panties, you have other thoughts about your own, selfish arousal.

“Don’t want it on the floor?”

“This outfit, Yeji—” Your left hand then forced her figure pressed onto yours as she yelped with your immediate action, earning a startled whimper as her eyes looked at you like it’s her favorite candy. She loves your subtle harsh acts, and she won’t be deprived of any since this was just a gentle introduction. “—looks amazing on you.”

Yeji smiles as the compliment strokes her ego and how genuine you sounded, “Thanks, for—ooh, gosh!”

She yelped with your touch permeating on her legs as you roamed your hands towards her clothed regions which earned such a sultry, needy moan from Yeji. You can feel the heat that’s rivaling your cold hands and as the cherry on top, her wetness evident from her slit which is probably leaking right from the start.

You loosen up the zip of her skirt and god, she vocalizes how better it felt and maybe it’s mostly because of the fact that your fingers are pleasuring her crotch against that fine silk that’s about to be ruined thanks to your dexterity. It was pursuant to her and wherever she wants it, you’re going to follow it and with her subsequent moans, you’d like to let her know that your skills are up to par. Feeling the hunger running down your body, you can’t help but share another kiss, but this time, it feels chaste since all of the attention and unfeigned emotions are translated down with your fingers. They both felt like deprived lions from the wild, and such an inevitable kiss will bound to feed the pleasure the both of you are needing.

The evident bulge pokes down on your pants and Yeji was quick to notice that, cupping it and caressing to tame the beast. You moaned with her actions and so she is, too, but it's a repeated chant in your ears as she pleads with you for your own comfort. “Your cock, please.”

You didn’t care anymore, and knowing how the both of you wanted this then you wouldn’t deny her for doing the same thing you’re great at. Even with pleasure lingering onto every lobe in her brain, it won’t stop her to claim her promised prize as you help her undress your bottom-half, unbuckling your belt as she does the last step and all you can feel are your defenses going down, one by one as the raging beast that’s inside that clothed prison is about to be unshackled. 

The wait was worth it and the both of you are now in such a vulnerable state that a single touch would make a writhe or shiver as sensitivity is the culprit. Yeji’s fingers are on point and dexterous as expected—the way she danced her hands around your shaft, stroking it in a corkscrew motion is making you feel such bliss that’s unmatched and god, the scene is just hot.

You never thought the sight of the both of you masturbating would be so damn arousing and thought it was just some myth but yet again, hypocrisy is eliminated within the time being.

“God—you really can’t wait, huh?” 

“How can I? We need to mutually feel the same.” Yeji knows her pursuit against your aching beast wasn’t going to bother you, but rather the opposite. Her strokes were going livid as you groan with the lack of lubrication but it was exchanged by the pleasure that she gives you and of course, you wouldn’t lose onto this game and did the same, possibly vibrating your fingers and you maintain such an up and down motion which inevitably elicits such visceral moan from her.

The both of you did your best with your own expertise, doing such sinful things without even the main event is honestly criminal, and you would hold onto that because you want to make use of this and you’d prove to her you’re as good as she is.

“You’re fucking dripping, Yeji—god, did I turn you on so much?” Possibly a rhetorical question or maybe not, but either way, you know she’ll be a little irritated enough to defend her claim and quit such hypocrisy.

“N-No shit—you’re that talented too, huh?” You smile with her inadvertent compliment as you avert your eyes through her clothed crotch and it’s being ruined with her own doing, leaving such a masterpiece of clothing worthless, spoiled with her own juices.

“A natural, more likely—ah!” You yelp with Yeji’s sudden squeeze of your shaft in between her strokes as you glare at her playfully, her face then forming such a seductive smirk then a little scoff with your confidence. 

“You’re cocky too? God, you’re such a rare gem.”

A rare find, you suppose which is truly the truth—you’ll prove to her that there’s no one she can find that will be better than you. Your impatience is growing thinner by the second even with such a hot mess between both your crotches, and you’d let her know about your frustrations and needs.

“Yeji, I need to fuck you now.”

The tone is commanding, your face stern and her eyes widen with those simple words of need. Your eyes meet hers and they never lie—those glowing orbs of yours didn’t cease the exhilaration you’re feeling and she’s the one to blame. 

As much as it hurts for the both of you to stop, it will be rewarding once the climax settles in for such a spectacular show.

“How would you want me?” Yeji’s voice was bubbly but still hinting at that lace of seduction, being the alluring vixen that she is. 

“Strip that skirt, lay onto your stomach, and lastly, feet onto the floor.”

She is as thrilled as you are, and immediately puts up a show but doesn't go further without a question for such clarification, “Don’t you wanna see me naked?”

You would want to, but not now.

“Just the skirt, please. Everything else, on.” Commanding and straight to the point, just how you wanted all along. 

There were no complaints or the fact she’s abstaining from this command of yours, and in fact, it maybe even made it hotter. The way she’s seductively teasing and pulling her zipper until gravity does the job, it’s just a sight to behold and the final product left you in awe: the ruined black silk panties in such alongside the scribbled pattern of her stocking that just made the sight sizzle it complete heat that she emanates (figuratively).

“Like what you see?” She turns around then again, showing you her perfect figure all with your eyes to feast on as you were a step away from your final prize.

“Yes, now please turn around and lay on your stomach like I said.”

Your imperative nature sets herself in a position of reluctance but then shifts onto an immediate opposite. She does what she was told and wiggles her ass leisurely to invite you with a temptation to ruin her and even though if she won’t be vocal about it, you'd make it so that she won't be able to walk until the next day.

Yeji looks back onto her shoulder and lets out such profanity words, “Make a mess out of me—I don’t break easily.”

You won’t be convinced until you try it yourself but looking at her robustness and skills earlier, you might have to be biased with your judgment. “We’ll see about that.”

Completely kicking your garments to god knows where, you’re now in a better state of control as you tease her wet folds, earning a whimper that becomes uncontrollable as soon as you sink your finger against her raging heat. 

You can’t wait no more, you absolutely can’t because you’re dying to know what she feels like and with her last bit of defense out of your way, it’s time to do the unthinkable.

Now parting her supple legs with your hands, your eyes feast on her impeccable figure then onto that delicious cunt that’s making you drool. Unable to contain your enjoyment and your fantasies against her, you caught her by surprise with an unexpected twist—probably the twist that you’re involved in would be your tongue lathering her folds and tasting the escaping nectar that she produces.

It was succulent and you dived in it easily as the musky, floral scent of her tight cunt invites you, and you didn’t waste time as this was a golden opportunity. You wanted to tease her just for the sake of stimulation, playing a game with her ramping orgasm building up but you’d reckon the opposite and such pace ensued impatiently.

“Fuck! Such a t-talented mouth—fuck!” Yeji’s whines were coherent enough for you to increase the pace and double your efforts—you wish to let her reach her denied climax earlier with your fingers and your mouth. It wasn’t far off as you can feel her juices forming a rivulet onto her labia and spreading onto your chin and mouth, knowing how incredibly close she can be. She calls you repeatedly, gripping the sheets tight enough to rip it but it can’t and you eat her out with an effort that no one can rival.

A single wail is what it took before she screams, and there goes your long-chased win within a second away—

“I’m going to cum—” Surprisingly short and articulate, you let her give everything she has and there she goes—

Yeji’s orgasm comes in quickly as soon as she mutters those desperate words, and she immediately lays waste as she constantly spews liquid after liquid onto her sheets which instantly gets ruined. The both of you didn’t care about it but rather mind your own business while you still extended her climax, achieving such heights of her vocals.

“God—just fuck m-me now, please…”

Your cock is aching and throbbing in need, and with the penultimate action making her see such stars, it’s time for the last and the main event to take place.

You ask her if she’s in good condition and she didn’t bother to assure you, so with her green light, you stepped onto the throttle and gave in to your deepest, carnal desires.

Standing up, you then give her backside a last look before you plunge your length inside her wet hole and immediately groan with its tightness, feeling like her walls are gripping your shaft with a Herculean effort that probably was the blessing in disguise. 

“You’re fucking tight, Yeji—this feels just right.” And it is too right to be true, and you love it.

“Stretch me out—fuck, you’re crazy.”

Lust ignites you and it serves such an everlasting fuel for what’s bound to happen, and you give in just like that. You started off slow, letting her get accustomed to your length as you bury the entirety of your shaft then withdraw with just the tip inside, showing such penetration that could make any girl’s mind go haywire.

It’s starting to get to her slowly in every thrust you do—the utter pleasure your cock brings was phenomenal and with her small whines could determine how she’s really feeling deep inside. She grips onto the bedsheets like her life depends on it and it’s only going to get better once you manage such a pace that will make her think of you and you only.

Her cunt tightens once you spanked that pristine skin of hers and then called out to let her know something, “I’ll own this cunt until you see the stars above, do you understand?”

Between her wails of pleasure is her ephemeral nod with your question, unable to speak up due to the stimulation that’s coursing through her. Every stroke you do causes such slaps that adds to the orchestra of her moans that can be possibly heard outside as her room is too puny to shackle such sinful sounds of sex. You grip her hips harshly and increase your pace, making you moan on how she clenches her velvety walls once your length hits it balls-deep inside her.

“Want me to be rough, Yeji?” You hammer your hips in a velocity that’s making her brain in shambles, unable to mutter a response after a second in which you didn’t like.

A small punishment would do the job, but this is rewarding for her and a statement by yours. “I asked you a question, didn’t I?”

Her breaths are ragged between your thrusts as she cries with your immediate barrage of spanks, causing her to finally answer you even with her mind unable to achieve such clear articulacy. “Yes, p-please—I want it, ow!”

Another spank onto those pristine skin of hers never fails to make you throb with how it jiggled with such harshness, and the marks that’s finally imprinted on the soft skin tells such roughness. As she grows accustomed with your length due to her repeated chants of pleasure, you quickly opted for what could raise such an experience.

If her mind is ultimately clouded with you and can’t think straight, then you’re the opposite, clearly adapting to the situation.

“Yeji…”

“Wha—ooh! Mffh—mmh!” Ragged breaths leave her mouth as she struggles to breath with what you’ve done—you opted for a leverage that asserts your domination over her making the long, black lace at the back of her neck deemed as a leash rather than an aesthetic of her outfit. She probably liked the fact of such risking playing between life and death thanks to the asphyxiation and it didn’t stop you, but rather prove a point. 

“You like being choked and used, slut?” Your words just made Yeji elicit more moans as she’s being tamed, controlled by you and god, the way she’s creaming against your rapidly ramming length tells you about her satisfaction. The sheets will probably rip off no matter how durable they are and lastly, it will be soaked with her own juices and that’s thanks to your own doing. Her feet then raise up in the air as you give a better angle of penetration, switching between the black lace and onto her legs for leverage.

Even though she's barely stripped from her clothing, her clothes really compliments her figure and you’d like to take this mental picture and etch it on the deepest parts of your brain—something worth remembering until the end of time. The way that she's a disheveled, ruined mess right now just fuels you to break her in half and you’re not going to stop until you’ve fulfilled such destiny.

You wanted your hands to be occupied onto something and not being idle most of the time and with such a completely ruined mess of a girl she is now, you’d love to add more of it. You then grab her wrists and command her to arch her back, in which she complies and immediately, your hands reach onto those perky breasts of hers with the clothing still in the way. You caress them and Yeji can vouch she could feel such intensity even with such stellar clothing being a nuisance but there’s nothing to worry about, not when you’re giving her absolutely everything to feel.

You didn’t stop there as you leaned your frame closer to her while hammering her tight cunt repeatedly and utter the words, “This cunt is mine now, Yeji.”

She nodded and exclaimed a faint yes as you gave her pecs onto her shoulders, letting her know how much you love every single inch of hers and how you’re marking your own territory. Between your kisses is a feeling that something’s building up and you can feel it with the way her walls pulsate around your shaft—you know she's close and it’s up for you to let her wants prevail.

There wasn’t any choice and you love to see Yeji writhe as you give her such thrusts before her cardinal end. 

“I know you’re dying to cum—” You invite her to give in as she moans with your words, urging such a release that could let her see the things you wanted her to have a sight of. “—so cum on this cock. Cum for me.”

Your words act like a lever that opens up her reservoir and it feels like a tsunami surging around your length. With multiple cries to spare, you wanted to make her feel something exquisite while achieving her own orgasm, letting you finger avert her chin facing you, against her shoulder as you kissed her lips intimately. Time felt slow as the both of you locked lips and to ride off her high, you slowed down because you still wanted her to feel such intense gratification through her awaited climax.

“I n-never felt that good in my entire life.” Yeji’s breaths were jagged, as she recovers from her orgasm even with your lengthy still penetrating and possibly destroying her insides. Even with a possibly mind-fucked Yeji, she knew what you wanted all along and didn’t hesitate to ask you about it. “Aren’t you close?”

“Well, if you didn’t cum, I would’ve come first.”

An audible gasp resonated in your ears as it piqued her willingness to help you, and it was evident in her tone. “I could feel it too—just fuck me silly again and just cum.”

She recovered fast because of the evident change of her tone, and you, still a bit puzzled and hesitant knowing she may want a load deep inside her. “Don’t want it inside—”

“Then do it in my mouth—you fucking which hole is now your choice.”

Her invitation is just persuasive and alluring and it never fails you to fall a victim for. Knowing how she wanted it, as much as you wanna bother such another session being between her legs, you’d want to fulfill her wants and it’s safer with the help of a great oral ending.

“On your knees then, and open your mouth. I’m going to fuck your face.” You let her position and prepare herself for what's about to come as surprisingly, her legs are still working fine after all of the havoc you’ve brought into her.

Yeji closes her eyes, her mouth agape, ready for the taking as you stroke your length in its absolute vigor and there she goes, taking you again for the second time. This time, you take control by grabbing her ponytail that’s shockingly intact even with the ruckus you made her be in earlier. She’s taking you like a good girl as you ram into her face with abandon, skin slapping signaling the constant harshness you bring and it is perfect. She gagged and you didn’t care, yet she managed to tame it but wasn’t successful as always—you praised her attempts and wasn’t close to being futile. Her nails dug into the skin of your thighs as she let it be the leverage onto your constant rummage in her throat, and she welcomed every thrust with a gleeful demeanor, locking her gaze towards you.

She cries, tears running down her cheek as she was a disheveled mess and you’re proud of what you’ve done. You could feel the familiar sensation tingling near your stomach and a better way to end such a monumental note is giving everything you can. 

The unstoppable force meets the immovable object, as such velocity is unparalleled, hammering her tight throat like it’s her cunt and within seconds from her last gag you could feel everything coming down to this moment. Here it goes: Yeji chokes yet manages to keep your length all the way in, you groaning and calling her name like a chant and of course, the awaited climax that filled her throat up to the brim. You stayed for five more seconds, burying your length as her arms writhe with her repeated gags and then, pulls out immediately, strings of saliva adding to the mess she is and of course, the image of Yeji almost choking out your load but manages to compose herself to swallow it all, humming gleefully as she not get to taste the entirety of your delicious load.

“Like I said—it’s fucking delicious—hah.” The both of you caught your own breaths yet Yeji shows the struggle evidently. Still on her knees, she managed to show what you’ve done as your reward and the last thing you just saw her go is gulp down all of it in one go, into her stomach. She initiated the last dance with her hands grabbing your shaft, then directing it onto her mouth in order to clean the mess she made onto it. You groan with the sensitive surge she brings you, thankfully her tongue doing the work but you don't complain as within seconds, she ends her oral assault and it makes you feel spectacular for a long while.

You cup her cheeks, admiring the glamorous mess you made in which she unhesitantly neaten with her utmost capabilities. “You’re so damn pretty, Yeji.”

“You too.”

It was mutual at this moment and you never knew it would end like this but her voice wants to tell you that something isn’t over, yet.

“Help me clean up?”

And it was a hint, just out of curiosity, you’ll probably pull the trigger because how can you not refuse her invitation?

---

After countless sleepless nights and tumultuous days, you find yourself at the top of the world, and what better way to end this is just to go home, lay down and reminisce what a day this has been.

“The lights are pretty, huh?” Yeji interrupts your moment with her voice, and she locks her eyes towards yours, staring deeply into your soul as you fall onto it yet manage to snap back to reality.

“Yeah, it is—also, I just can’t comprehend how we ended up this way.” Yeji’s on the same boat as you and you could feel it in your nerves. This felt like a fever dream and you loved every second of it.

“Maybe that’s how destiny works, huh?”

You scoff, as your lips curled up a faint smile and muttered, “Maybe it is and yeah, I should leav—”

“Leave?” Yeji pouts as she inches herself closer onto yours, holding your wrist as her tone hints at her disappointment. “Don’t you wanna bother and stay just for this night?”

You can’t resist her, you absolutely can’t as you don’t want to be the bearer of bad news that will make her feel awkward.

You have a choice and you’ll stick with that… in her favor.

You smile sincerely, and Yeji’s holistic demeanor appears, “Okay, how can I resist you?”

“Up for you to find out.”

Maybe she was good, but honestly, she’s great. She is partly a monster and partly an angel, and you’ll live in those worlds together as you find your soulless heart beating rapidly for the first time in a long while.

You’re completely invigorated, and you’ll embrace this new chapter that opened.

“She’s good, she’s good—she’s great.”

---

You continue ruminating about the day you’ve had, and every moment was worth remembering. You smiled in your victorious attempts, which is having her number on your phone and sleeping with her through the night. As Yeji does her hygiene in the bathroom, a buzz on your phone piques your attention, and it was no other than the devil that made yourself look like an angel despite what you descended yourself into.

kim_chaewon on 23:15 - “Guess I shouldn’t have doubted you huh? Well done with the second phase, meet me tomorrow afternoon for further details. Enjoy your night for now—we’re still not done.”

She received it damn well minutes ago and made her eat up her words, but you’re still clearly within the base of the iceberg, and you’re still starting your remarkable journey.

“Hah… Of course we aren’t…” There was no surprise with that as you muttered in response to her text.

Yet there are multiple questions lingering in your mind: How did she know about this? How would she know if you’re lying or not? What may happen tomorrow? How long will this take? 

You could never answer those unless you figure things out, and let Chaewon introduce you to more of what’s possible between both worlds: you and everyone else’s, including hers.

[ddejavvu]

Sun-Kissed - Jake 'Hangman' Seresin x Reader

Summary: Jake finds out why you go through a particular scent of candle so fast

Contents/Warnings: none! pure fluff :)

WC: 1.0K / navi

Please send me top gun requests!!

The first 'darlin'' that leaves his lips is what has you nearly tackling Jake where he stands in the doorway. There's no better way to wake up than to the sound of his voice, and it seems as though, during your catnap, he's taken a trip to the store.

"Three this time," He brandishes the bag in his hand, glass clinking together and swarming your tummy with butterflies, "I cleaned 'em all out for 'ya."

"Thank you!" You gush excitedly, sleepy hands nearly fumbling the bag as you try unloading your haul.

"Easy," Jake chuckles, the sound deep and warm in his chest. You pay no mind to his teasing, "You might break 'em if you aren't careful."

"I'd cry," You groan, picking up each navy blue tinted candle from where it lays in the shopping bag. You set them label-forwards on your nightstand, the block lettering on the picture of the beach reading sun-kissed, "If they're out of these it means I gotta wait a week for restock."

"There's three candles here." Jake frowns, lower lip plumping as it sticks out in confusion, "You wont' go through all these in a week."

"You're leaving on Wednesday," You remind him, trying to keep the glum note out of your voice, "I'll have almost two full days without you."

"Yeah," He still seems confused, and you almost giggle at how one of the most intelligent people you know can be so slow on the uptake.

"I burn them when you're not here," You explain slowly, watching the gears turn in his brain, "Because they smell like you. Whenever I miss you I light one, and let it burn until the whole house smells good."

He stands there, expressionless. His eyes shine, and you wait for anything, any reaction he'll offer you. You'd kill to know what was going on inside his head, what's making him bat his eyelashes like he's a perplexed toddler.

Then he lunges. You're entrapped in his strong arms before you can process that he's even moved, a slight sniffle coming from where he's pressed his face into the crown of your head. He's clutching you tight, almost too tight to breathe, but he's warm and smells like your candles and you can hear his heartbeat through his t-shirt.

"'Dunno how y'got me all weepy," He breathes, a weak chuckle coming from his mouth that's mottled with a hint of tears, "It's just a stupid candle."

"Stupidly good smelling," You hum, face pressed into his chest and words muffled there, "I swear you're secretly running this candle company, it smells exactly like you."

"You found out my secret," He sighs, crestfallen, "I haven't been on base at all. I've been engineering a candle company to get you hooked on my smell."

"Dastardly," You peek your face out of where it's smothered in his chest, hair amiss as you sleepily grin at him, "Are you even a pilot to begin with?"

"Nope," He grins, popping the 'p', "Just smelly."

"Yeah," You fake disdain, your nose wrinkling at the bridge as your eyes scrunch, "I didn't wanna be the one to tell you, but I think you should shower."

You make a break back for the bed, escaping his arms before he can trap you in them again. But he's faster, he always is, and yanks you back with a loud, incredulous chuckle.

"Hey!" He holds you facing him, keeping you pressed tight to his torso. His smile is blinding, as bright as the sun, "I went on a journey to the craft store to find these," He urges, memories of the horrors of the knitting ladies in aisle six flashing through the intensity in his eyes, "I had to fight my way through the cool teens with sewing machines to get those candles for you," He huffs, "Sorry if I'm a little sweaty."

"Did they put up a fight?" You know the group of high-schoolers well, and you envy their craftiness.

"One of 'em tried stabbing me with her needle," He dramatizes what was probably the pointed end aimed in his general direction as she stitched up a loose seam, "I swear I barely made it out of there alive."

"Well thank you, soldier." He bites his lip at the title, and you smirk knowing he won't fight you on it, not today, "I don't know what I would do without you."

Your comment is teasing, and he knows it. But it's truthful, too, and you take your time relishing in his presence now that you're nearing another few days of him away from you.

"Me neither," He admits, and it's shocking to see the great Hangman admit that he isn't always one step ahead of the game, "But I'm glad you've got something to help when I'm gone."

"Me too," You nod, leaning closer to the shining smile of his, yearning for the taste of it, "But the real thing's always better."

He leans in to press his lips to yours and you're sun-kissed, warmth flowing through you as you clutch tight to his chest. He has the remarkable ability to flood the room with brightness when he steps in, and it's even more brilliant when he kisses you. Now you break away glittering, the light in your eyes matching what's still radiating from his smile.

"I love you, darlin'," He speaks soft and low, the epitome of fondness.

You return the sentiment with as much love as you can squeeze into your voice as possible, "'Love you too, Jake."

--

Stepping out onto the porch becomes a difficult task on Wednesday morning. You mourn the absence of your husband, because it means you nearly fall flat on your face over the box on your doorstep instead of being caught in his strong arms like a damsel in distress. You straighten up from where you'd landed on your knees, peering suspiciously at the open-topped box you're hovering over. In it are round glass jars, what you recognize almost immediately are sun-kissed candles. There's sixteen in the crate, four by four in the cardboard box. There's a note on top of one of the lids, taped there and flapping in the gentle breeze. It's in his handwriting.

Angel, it reads, and your heart skips a beat.

Angel,

I thought you could use more of these, just in case you run out. I don't want you to get lonely, two days feels like a lifetime when you're not there. Don't light the house on fire, please ♥

XOXO, Jake

[raitonsfw]

𝓈𝓎𝓃𝑜𝓅𝓈𝒾𝓈: Never again will you tolerate Eren's arrogant behavior- you said mindlessly as he pounded into you with a poisoned feeling running through your veins.

warnings: 18+ mdni, smut, fem!reader, asshole!eren, doggy style, choking, bruises, hair pulling, dirty talk, begging, clit play, cumshot (on reader's back), rough p in v intercourse, dubcon, slight edging, implied second round, degrading names (slut, whore), he calls you baby once.

a/n: wrote this in maybe 30 minutes with nothing but slutty thoughts in my mind. wc: 600ish. v-day m.list | m.list

thirst count: 1

divider credit: @hitobaby & @firefly-graphics

“Damn, you take dick so well…” You heard from behind you, the bed creaking from his momentum and… fucking never again. 

This was a one time thing– you couldn’t fucking do this again or else you’d scream. Eren Jaeger was such an asshole, but Mikasa swore him to be a sweetheart ‘once you got to know him.’ 

Yeah, sweetheart my ass as he pounded you from the back so harshly he left nasty bruises. His fingertips dug into you, blood welling to the surface as they marked your skin and you yelped, your cunt accidently squeezing his cock harder. Eren groaned at the feeling, his hips smacking even harder into you and you swore you heard him growl from the pleasure.

“Shit– too deep!” You whined out as he angled himself deeper, aiming to ram relentlessly into your cervix. All you got from him was a cruel laugh, his hands running up your back now to grasp at your hair and your neck. A strong arm held you in place by your throat, his fingers squeezing at just the right amount of pressure and his other hand yanked you back to look at him as he hovered over you now. 

“Too deep, huh? But ‘re moaning like a slut– shit…” His eyes rolled back as you tightened around him again, quiet whimpers escaping you as he pounded you with no remorse. His cock pulled all the way out each time, long broad strokes, as he fucked back in with low grunts leaving his throat. You couldn’t really see him, trying your best to turn to face him but his grip made it so hard and your vision blackened slightly as he choked you out. 

“Fuuuck, gonna cum baby–” Eren breathed out, his thrust growing sloppy as he chased his release and you wanted to cum too; you were so close, your pussy fluttering around him as you inched higher and higher but you knew he was going to pull out before you even had to chance to. 

And– yeah, there it was; his cock pulling out of you quickly– a sharp gasp falling from his lips as he painted your back white with his cum, some catching in your hair and you clenched around nothing with a desperate whine. Your fingers chased towards your clit, but a brutal hand stopped you. 

“Please, need to cum. Do something– anything.” You begged, arching your back as you breathed out a frustrated sigh. You swore you saw a pout from him– maybe he felt bad? You never knew with this fucker. 

“W-Wait a fucking second…” He gritted out and you felt your orgasm fleeing, dissipating as you pleaded for Eren to just fucking touch you. A few seconds later, his fingers brushed against your clit and you shuddered at the feeling with a quiet whimper. “You’re so goddamn needy…” 

You didn’t care what he said to you now, endless babbles of nonsense spilling from your lips as you rolled your hips against his circling fingertips. They tapped incessantly against your clit, his nails delicately scraping against it once in a while to get you to jolt at the hinted pain. You drooled into the pillow beneath you, your body quivering as you fell apart with a wanton moan; his name becoming the only thing you knew. 

Boy, was he fucking lucky that you even moaned his name this time around. Why did you ever listen to Mikasa– there was no way Eren Jaeger was a sweetheart. He was an asshole, through and through, his cock prodding into you once more as you came down from your high. 

“Aw, c’mon now… a whore’s gotta have her fill– wouldn’t want you getting loose for other men besides me…” 

[theblueflower05]

The Sweetest Sylaung

A/N: So I def didn’t mean to write a novel long Neteyam smut story but here we are. Debating on making this a mini series. Also the anon that requested a “curvy” reader insert- here ya go!(she’s also an Augustine- buttttt you can only see that if you squint lol)

Word Count: 6k+

Warnings: This is smut. Pure smut. Please don’t read if it is not your jam. You are in charge of cultivating your own online experience, you’ve been warned!

Pairing: Aged Up! Neteyam x Human!Curvy!Reader

Summary: After an “accidental” romp in the forest, you do your best to avoid Neteyam. It’s for everyone’s good, or so you’ve convinced yourself.

“I’m begging for you to take my hand, wreck my plans. That’s my man”- Willow, Taylor Swift

The kaleidoscope of colors explode under your eyes in endless patterns and shapes as you look over the sample of Pandora flora under the heavy duty microscope. This particular piece of the Moons terra had never been discovered before, only blooming at what you estimated to be every ten or so years, under the right monsoon like conditions

At least that’s what you had discovered so far.

The flower, which sprouted into a berry, and then dissipated into a moss like cluster of microorganisms all within its short life cycle had turned into your passion project. You we’re doing your thesis on it, the last step in getting your Masters.

You’d gone through schooling on a computer screen, guided by the greatest minds on Earth that had relocated to Pandora. Scientists of all fields who you’d grown up around. None of them had been surprised when you’d picked up botany. Xenobotany to be exact.

It was in your blood.

The desk your at shakes violently- disturbing your precision like focus. Breaking you straight out of your zone.

“Ugh” you groan, frustrated, raising your head, eyes narrowing at the culprits.

Spider, Lo’ak and Kiri freeze like deers in the headlights of your fury. Spiders arm raised, a wad of paper balled up in his hand, aimed to shoot. He lowers it slowly as the weight of your your heavy gaze zero’s in.

“Sorry, cu-”

“I told you guys, if you cant behave to get the fuck out” You seethe. Your nerves are paper thin anyway. Too much screen time frying your brain something fierce as you focused in on your studies. “Is that not what I said, verbatim?”

“You need to chill. You’ve been so high strung lately. Come hang out with us” Lo’ak suggests smooth and unhelpful. As usual. “When was the last time you left the lab?”

You roll your eyes and bite your tongue, trying not to say anything to scalding to the surprisingly sensitive Sully brother. “No thanks. I’ve gotta focus”

“Maybe Lo’aks right” Kiri starts, her face screwing up as she speaks “Eywa that sounds wrong. Nevermind, My brother is never right- but you should come hang out with us. Let’s go swimming- the watering hole is over flowing from the storms”

The deep sigh through your nose isn't calming, even though you pretend it is. You know they mean well, in the most annoying way. That you’d been buried in books and paperwork in the lab for the past couple months.

Hiding from the outside world within the thick walls of Hell’s Gate.

“Can’t. This is important, Kir- but why don’t you guys head down there? Its closer to Home Tree and its almost curfew anyway” two birds, one stone. Its a smart suggestion- but Kiri’s face falls, shoulders sagging and ears lowing. That look had always gotten you-

“I cant today, but maybe tomorrow? The samples are too fresh and I don't want to put them on ice…But I think Max made those Yovo cookie things” That’s only half of the truth, but luckily Kiri’s always been understanding.

She grabs your elbow in her long fingers and tugs you along.

The mess hall had seen better days, but the large open space still tends to be the meeting ground for the humans that were allowed to stay and inhabit the moon. With twelve foot tall ceilings and airtight exits and windows that lead out to the Avatar Program training yards. Its a common room of sorts, a place where everyone gathers. For meals, for mismatched Holidays. But mostly for gossip.

I mean, what else is there to do?

Like currently, you’re deeply engrossed in the story that Doctor Martinez’s, Xeno-Zoologist is recounting. All dramatics and dirty intimate details “It’s true, they’re gonna bring it before Mo’at and everything”

He’s talking about Trevino and Eital’i.

Everyone had heard the whispers, seen the not so subtle signs. The main Radio Tower operator had turned during the resistance, had fought beside Jake and had been allowed to stay on Pandora- better stuck on a foreign planet then thrown in a familiar jail cell. Trevino’s a cool guy, really.

A cool guy who had been sleeping with a Na’vi woman, apparently. The two had kept it under wraps, really private. No one could pin down how or when it happened,,,but to go to the clan’s Tsahik seeking a mating blessing? That’s major.

“You’re lying” you accuse in a gasp as the table breaks into whispers, all wide eyes and shaking heads. “They’re going to mate?...How?”

“It’s not like it hasn't happened before” Another scientist chimes in casually. Like it’s a known thing.

Which it kind of is.

Taboo, yes. But not unheard of, more like untalked about.

Humans and the Na’vi of the forest had lived in close quarters since the overthrow of the RDA. Jake, the standing Olo’eyktan, just had a little too much homosapien in him. Yeah, he’d survived the soul transfer and fully inhabited his blue body- but he never quite grew out of his human roots.

It had been hard, lots of politicking and good grace shown on both parts, but somehow, like all biomes in the vast perma green forest, all had learned to live in harmony. Most Omitikaya kept their distance. Very hesitant about the human presence. They had every right to be scared, hostile. Scarred by man and its weapons and its destruction.

Others had been raised in close proximity to Grace’s school. Had become accustomed to the nearly two decade long human presence on Pandora. Curious and accepting.

You’d heard about interspecies hookups.

Locker room talks that left your ears burning and your heart racing. It usually came from members of the Avatar Program- It tends to set a precedent, when the quote on quote “royal family” of the Omiticaya is a Jarhead and a native woman.

Na’vi are gorgeous, tall and lean but humanoid enough to be familiar…you’re not exactly sure what they see in humans but you know damn well what you guys see in them.

“How do you think that works? The…physicality of it all I mean. Trevino doesn't have an Avatar. How do they fuck-”

You’re not the only one zoning out from the conversation and it’s lewd turn.

You watch Kiri watch Spider and your heart aches for her. What they have is secret, delicate and forbidden. As a woman with high standing in the clan, you knew that her feelings for the boy wouldn't go anywhere. Couldn't.

When they we’re kids, it was cute. Now that they 're both technically adults, it was just plain stupid.

You tell her of the fact, often.

Kiri tells you to stop projecting.

———

The Sully Kid’s are always late. It’s like no matter how hard they try, they cant make curfew. You throw on an Exopack, hurrying them to the fence.

“Yeah, yeah okay mom. Take it easy” Lo’ak shrugs huffily as you yank hard on his arm. “I’m going, Y/N!”

“Not fast enough you strumbeast’s ass! You’re gonna get me into trouble, who do you think your dad’s gonna blame when you guys end up back at Home Tree super late again? Norm chewed me out for that shit last time!” You man handle the much taller than you alien.

Kiri and Spider a few leagues in front of you, already at the mouth of the giant fence. They’re awkward, not in their usual synched steps. You wonder how much of that conversation earlier had gone to their heads?

You’re bickering with Lo’ak, an extremely normal occurrence. He can be a real douche. and had been kind of insufferable lately. You think its nerves about his impending Iknamaya.

So engrossed with getting them on their way home that you don't even notice him until it’s too late.

Neteyam is a skilled hunter, through and through. The youngest in the clan to ever make a kill. Swift and quiet. Beloved.

But around you he feels out of his element. Clunky and awkward, no matter how hard he tries to play it off its like you can see right through him. Its scary and thrilling, sets his stomach alive with butterflies everytime. This is no different.

Showing up to Hell’s Gate to retrieve his siblings was something he had done since he was a child.

He’d used to bleed hours away playing with them at the scientists fortress, but as he had gotten older and his responsibilities had grown heavier- he had little time for it. Still, when ever his parents would send him out on a one man search party to bring them home, he’d jump at the chance.

At the hope of seeing you.

You’re arguing with his little brother, trying not to laugh at something he said and Neteyam knows. He knows he shouldn't feel jealous but he just cant help it. Cant help the acidic twist of his insides.

Especially when he chirps out his family's familiar call, letting his presence be known.

And watches that pretty smile fall right off of your face.

“You’re late, as usual” His voice has a stern edge. It’s annoying, the role he has to play. Kiri is a woman grown, Lo’ak just weeks away from being the same. He doesnt blame them for the way their feathers bristle, almost viscerally.

“Ah, big brother you didn't have to come all this way to get us” Kiri reassures, patting Neteyam on the chest good naturedly. “We we’re just about to be on our way”

Neteyam notices the way you try to look anywhere else but him. It stings because he cant stop looking at you, cant pry his eyes away from your form.

“You all should start heading back before dad notices” Neteyam starts. His father had been busy as of late, harvest season abundant and fruitful this year because of the heavy rain season “I’ll catch up, I need to speak with Norm”

“What? Dad cant use the coms now, he has to send his messenger” Lo’ak’s nose scrunches a little, always questioning. On a normal day it wouldn't affect Neteyam so much, just a normal jab from his snot nosed little brother.

Not today. Not when he’s stretched so thin. Not when you refuse to look at him but are staring at the side of Lo’ak fat head. It feels wrong, makes his skin heat up to the point that it feels itchy and tight.

“That's none of your concern. Head back to Home Tree. Now” He doesn't normally throw his weight around. But he feels the need to puff up big in front of you “Those are orders. Get out of here”

Lo’ak’s less offended and more surprised. One of his oh so human eyebrows cocks, a sly remark in his throat before he scoffs. “Aye, Aye Captain Kiss Ass. C’mon Kiri let's go. See you later Spider, Y/N”

He deuces up Spider, gives Y/N a pat on her small shoulder and glares harshly at his brother before he disappears into the thick brush of the jungle.

Kiri wraps her arms around you in a strong hug, muttering about ‘swimming’ and ‘promises’. The small impish smile she shoots Spider gives YOU butterflies so you don't blame the way he swoons, before she’s off behind her younger brother.

“I can go find Norm for you, bro. I think he’s still out in his Avv, but Max can radio him back in” Spider is none the wiser. Doesn't notice the heavy tension that simmers on a low bubble. Oblivious, as usual.

“Yeah, sure” Neteyam replies, barely sparing the human boy a glance. He’d feel bad for it later, when he could form coherent thought. When his brain wasn't on Y/N issued override.

Spider chatters, good natured. He never got to see the Olo’eyktan in training anymore. He missed his homie.

“Well, I should be heading back. You guys have a good rest of your night-” You’re already turning on your heels when you make the announcement, eager to get back inside. Back behind the safe walls of the lab- far away from Neteyam.

“No”

Neteyam who stares at you with all too knowing eyes. He looks straight through you like he can see through your clothes, through your thinly veiled escapism attempts. He reaches out, wraps his long fingers around the top of your arm and tugs you back to him. Gentle, but very firm.

He doesn't have to say it- it’s written all over his face. Not this time. He’s not going to let you run away from him.

“Netey-” You start in a whine, tugging on his hold. He doesnt relent, if anything his fingers tighten as his eyes narrow. Dangerous, desperate.

“Just talk to me” it’s a barely concealed plea, his tail twitches anxiously behind him “I'm just asking for five minutes. Please Y/N”

Spiders oblivious, yes. Stupid? No. He doesnt know exactly what's going on between the two of you but has clued into the fact that it’s heavy and he wants no part of it.

The excuse he makes is shit- he’ll just go find Norm. Yeah… he’s so out of there.

“What is wrong with you?” You hiss as you watch Spiders awkward, quick retreating form. Eyes flickering over the empty for now training yards “So much for keeping it lowkey, huh? Could you be anymore obvious?”

“What’s wrong with me?” Neteyam is almost shaking with disbelief “What the fuck is wrong with you? You havent talked to me in over a month. Everytime I make any kind of attempt you bolt. I dont-” He sighs, pinching the wide bridge of his nose with the hand that isnt holding onto you.

He looks tortured. Tired. Run a little ragged.

Beautiful.

“I don't know what I did? If this is about that day in the forest-”

You sigh at his words, once again pulling on his hold. Shaking your head desperately because you can't.

You can't talk about it. Fuck, you’ve been trying not to even think about it.

And failing as you replay the event over and over again the darkness of your bunk. Hyper fixating on the way that his lips had felt against yours. Oh the way that his big hands had worked your body over

“Don’t” you whisper “Please don’t”

You’d never been one to beg for pity, for mercy but that’s what you do now. Beg him to let you out of his tight clutches. Metaphorically and physically.

“You’re all I can think about” It's a gutted admittance, but Neteyam makes it all the same “That night- I can’t sleep. I can barely eat- I’m falling behind on my duties because I keep coming back here. Standing outside this fence and waiting for you. I know you could hear me over the coms, right?”

And you could, a few weeks or so ago.

When he’d begged you to come out. To come speak to him. His voice so appealing that you’d almost caved. You’d had to turn off your receiver. Had sat with your head in your hands for hours as you fought the urge to crawl to him, knees raw and your bloody heart on a platter only he could divulge in.

He shuffles closer, all lean strong muscle. Firm, unmovable. “You heard me”

“Of course I did”

“And you still left me out here” He scoffs, head shaking slightly as his adams apple bobs, his ears are pinned to the sides of his head in obvious distress “I could never do that shit to you.”

“One of us needs to be the adult in this situation” Your voice is as strong as you can make it. Trying to speak reason on to both of you “We can pretend it never happened and go back to the way that things were before. You’re my friend, Tey”

You reach up, stroking at his wrist. Trying to soften him enough for him to let this go. Let you go.

He’s trying to control his breathing, all that training for all of those years for what? One fragile human girl to make him completely unspool? To lose any and all composure he’d worked so hard to gain.

He was always the adult, in all situations. Had been born with a neck cramping crown on his head. Shrouded in pressurized glory.

“If this is me being childish, so be it. Where has pretending gotten you, huh? Look at you, yawntutsyìp. you look so tired. When was the last time you slept? Kiri says you spend days in the lab without resting”

His hands, both of them, come up to cup your face. Huge and calloused. Yet he holds you like you're something precious. A small animal, a rare gem. His whole entire world since he was just a boy.

Neteyam thumbs at the cool glass of your mask, tenderly. The bags under your eyes are sunken and bruised. “Don’t shut me out”

Your body, in its entirety, clenches at his words. Velvet and sincere. He’s a fucking dream. Your head leans into his hands, neck sagging of its own accord as any and all words of protest leave your weak mind.

He makes you so easy.

“Let me in…I dont want there to be this distance between us anymore” He hisses around the word distance. Hating even having to say it “I want to be inside of you again”

Your plump lower lip gets skewered between your teeth, eyes screwed shut as you remember the last time. Your first ever time being full…you’d dreamt of it every night since it had happened.

If it wasn't for the blasted mask and your need for Earth’s oxygen he’d kiss you. Right here right now. He didn't really give a shit who saw or what they had to say.

Instead pulls you into his chest, lets you wind your arms around his lean middle and bury your chest in his diaphragm. Its as close as he can get you, for now. Makes you cling to him the way that he’d clung to every thought of you for the last weeks.

You wish it was lungfuls of his skin that you were taking as you try to bring yourself down from this abrupt shaky high. You dont get it, how your relationship couldve flipped this hard in such a short time.

He had always just been Neteyam. A shameless flirt yes- but that’s all it was.

“Would you like that?” He questions, hands working through your hair. Fingers light and soothing on your scalp. Massaging the thoughts right out of your head.

“Hmm?”

“If I was inside you again?” He presses on. You can feel the tickle of his long, thin, tail as it wraps around the back of your calf and you groan, digging your nails into his back.

“You’re such an asshole. Stoppppp it” You’re embarrassed and turned on and already feel stupid enough, he doesn't need to rub it in. His chest shakes as he chuckles.

“I’m serious. Tell me you want it-”

“Neteyam! Hey!”

The two of you break apart in an instant. You jump away from him as though struck by lightning. Instantly putting enough distance between you and the Na’vi that maybe, just maybe an onlooker might think that the embrace was friendly.

It’s Norm, having heard that the eldest Sully was looking for him he’d come eagerly.

The smile you plaster on is forced and honestly, Neteyam doesnt fair any better. He’s obviously flustered, just glad that his erection isn't tenting his tweng.

“Spider told me you and your dad are looking for me. I’m not intruding on uh anything, am I?” Norm looks between the two of you.

Your arms are folded tightly over your chest and Neteyam is rubbing at the back of his neck, strong jaw flexing as his teeth grind.

Oh yeah, Norm had definitely interrupted something.

Knows for sure as you scurry away. As Neteyam, always so level headed, has to string together words. Stumbling a little bit as he tries to remember the message that Jake had relayed.

It’s not any of his business, he thinks at the time. He sure didnt want to be the one to shine the light on whatever the hell was going on here. Turning a blind eye to the mysteries of Pandora is the only way to survive the harshest terrain known to man.

———

You dont know that though-

No, you’re spiraling more a little bit as you prepare yourself for bed. Brushing through your thick hair and staring out into space as your mind assaults you with all of the gnarly ‘What If’s’

Norm had seen and he had to know right? Oh god, what if he told Jake?

You balk. Lowering the brush as your eyes bulge out of your head.

What if he told Neytiri?

That's actually a super horrific thought. Like nightmarish. You have a lot of respect for the future Tsahik...

…And a very healthy does of fear. She didnt like humans and made it known. She tolerated them only for her husband's benefit. What if she found out that her eldest son, her golden boy, had fucked one?

You’re freak out is interrupted by static, by the beeping of your com receiver on your night stand.

“Y/N?” its Neteyams muffled voice through the device. You’d ignored it once. You should ignore it again…

“Yeah?” you wonder if he picks up on how shaky you sound through the receiver.

“Tomorrow night meet me at the East Gate. Like when we we’re kids” he’s not really asking. Not demanding either. You could ignore him again, but he has to try.

The line goes silent, quiet for minutes on end.

“Y/N?”

You’re so stupid. “What time?”

You can hear the grin he’s sporting as he replies “0100”

“Got it, over. Good night, Neteyam. Go to sleep”

———

The East Bay is on the other side of the large fortress-like building. It's not that it's forbidden, or anything. but it is deserted. It’s where the military personnel had inhabited, and since most if not all of them had gotten the hard boot off Pandora it was empty as a ghost town in these maze like halls.

When you we’re younger; you’d caught Spider sneaking Kiri and Lo’ak in through the rarely used entrance. You’d demanded the know how, if he didnt want you to rat on him for it. It was a rare occurrence, but the Sully children had all been snuck into Hell’s Gate this way over the years.

You type in the codes, disabling the alarm system in order to usher Neteyam into the pressurized, air lock. You’d toted one of the Avatar Exopacks along for him, they’re heavier then hell but he’d need it.

“Hi” you smile, suddenly shy as the tall Na’vi man stands before you.

That's what he was now. A man, not only in the eyes of his people but as a whole. Broad and muscular, strong. Verile. The next leader of his people. You know that he’s highly desired in his clan. Women fawn over him. Vie for his attention.

It doesnt feel real that he wants to give it to you.

You’re nothing special. Not tall and stunning like the Omaticaya women. Even by Earth’s standards you're short, curvy. Not particularly pretty. Insecurity gnaws at you, as it so often does.

“C’mere” Neteyam urges, boldly yanking you by your waist. Pulling you flush against his body. Grabby and insistent, he wants to feel your bare skin. All plush and soft, hes been dying to taste it since the last time.

Kicking himself over and over for not savoring every bit of your body that you gave to him. He won't make the same mistake again.

He’s not gonna lie, the concrete and metal of the walls inside of Hell’s Gate have always made him a little claustrophobic. But he can't do this outside-

His lips capture yours, demanding and needy from the jump. Big, over powering, he swallows your little chirp of surprise. Devours any and all breath from your lungs. Its messy and so good. You hadn't gotten to kiss him last time.

His mouth tastes amazing, his tongue rough in texture just like you remembered. It grates your lips as you suck on it-

“Hey, slow down a little bit” You giggle as Neteyam paws at your ass, lifting you off the ground until you squirm hard, making him release you “Not here, we can't do this here there’s cameras everywhere”

“I don't care” Neteyam pecks all over your face, trying to recapture your mouth as you avoid him “Let them watch, most of those pervs would like it”

And they would know that you’re his. The thought is beyond heady.

You gasp as his sharp canines ghost over the delicate skin of your neck, nibbling on your pulse point “Please- Neteyam”

You firmly push him away, hand on his chest and maybe if you hadn't cut him off cold turkey he would've given you space. Could've pulled away for a moment to let you say your piece. Instead the idea of letting you pull away even an inch is unbearable to him.

No. instead he tosses you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. He hauls loads heavier then you every day, your protests mean little to him. With his free hand he scoops up the Avv Exo Tank,

“Where to, yawntutsyìp?”

Where too is an old conference room. Its as good as any, and Neteyam yanks a couple cushions off the old couch to act as a brace for your head as he lowers you to the floor, flat on your back.

You’re so pretty like this, he tells you of the fact.

With your hair a mess behind you, your face free of that damned mask. Grinning up at him as you rub your thighs together. He wishes he had that camera that his dad liked to take pictures on. He wants this moment of you framed, immortalized.

“I hate sky people clothes” He mutters as he tugs on the hem of your t-shirt. It hides you, hides all that skin he craves.

“You want me to take it off?” You offer eagerly, raising up enough to start peeling the piece of clothing off. You’re bare underneath, completely. Your breasts jiggle as they’re freed, nipples peaked in the cool air-conditioned air.

“Don’t ever put it on again” He demands, taking it from your hands and tossing it across the room. He’s dead serious, but by the way you're giggling you obviously think its a joke.

He can’t help it, he dives in face first. Rubbing against your soft breasts, obsessed with the way they feel. Heavy, pillowy. He drags his tongue across all of your bare skin. From your clavicle to your nipple. You always smell so pretty, but its got nothing on the way you taste. It explodes bright and savory on his tastebuds.

You let him explore, until your spit soaked and shaking. Your panties sticky as your hips search for any kind of friction. “I need you”

“You have me, my love. All of me” your eyes water at his words. At the sincerity. At how much you want them to be true.

You grab one of his hands and drag it down your chest. Past your soft, rounded belly and into your shorts. He grunts as you guide him to where you’re wet and pulsing. Rythmetically clenching around nothing.

He circles your clit, feather light. More of a tease then anything and you want to sob. You’d thought of nothing but this, touched yourself imagining him. “Tey-”

He smiles around a mouthful of nipple,tugging on with his teeth. “I missed you so much”

“Then be nice to me” you plead, trying to shove yourself down on his fingers.

“We’re being nice now? Were you nice to me when you ignored me?” he can't help it, hurt bleeds into his voice. It had been so fucking painful, knowing that you hadnt wanted to see him. To be with him.

“I’m sorry” you whine, grabbing his face, pulling it from your bosom. “I’m so sorry. I was so scared- I’m still scared but I need you”

He lets you cup his cheeks, lets you plant kisses all over him. The bridge of his nose, his eyelids, his cheekbones. You dote on him, gentle and caring and he gorges himself on your love.

“You cant ever do that again, okay?” He shivers as you kiss his ear, running your tongue along the hyper sensitive flesh “If you’re scared you come to me, not run from me. Do you understand?”

You nod, eager. “I promise, Neteyam”

It’s all he needs to hear, that you’re his. That you won't deprive him of your presence ever again. He doesn't know what he’ll do. He’s a little scared of the man he becomes when it comes to you, you’re not the only one frightened by the gravity of your feelings.

“You asked if I wanted you inside me again? Yes. So much. I never knew I could be that full” it’s like you know just what to say. You light him up from the inside. His fingers begin circling your sopping clit again, this time with intent.

It’s blurry, the fact that your lightheaded making it hard to think. To track what he’s doing to you because somehow Neteyam seems to be everywhere at once. His big body all encompassing as he takes you.

“No-no marks, baby” You try to remind him and his blazing eyes zero in on you in a glare “you know we cant…not where they can see”

You’re right, and he hates it. He’ll just have to mark you where only you can see. Where you can look at your self and be reminded that you belong to someone. That you belong to him.

He doesn't have the patience, cant stop his hands from shaking- the tear of your shorts and panties echos around the room as he removes any barriers between him and the heat at the apex of your thighs.

You cant help the thrill it sends down your spine. He’d…ripped your panties off. You thought shit like this only existed in bad Earth made Porn that you’d found on one of the labs computers.

“Sorry, sorry” his apology is far from sincere though and you can't help but giggle, patting his braids fondly.

The fingerfucking is rough, your wines and moans spilling from you as he hits spots inside of you that make you want to curl up. It’s too good. Too much-

You screech, back bowing as he bends to kiss you, loud and sloppy, right on your wet clit. His big head burrows between your thigs as he delves on your cunt, his long rough textured tongue lapping at the fat puffy lips. The texture difference has both of you groaning.

It’s heartbreakingly good, the kind of good that you’ll never be able to forget. That you’ll crave and need for the rest of your life. Addictive, as he dedicates himself to making you feel pleasure.

Neteyam eats pussy the same way he does everything else in his life, exceeding any expectations. His instincts sharp as he hones in on how to make you lose your mind.

He keeps telling you how good you taste, breaking away for heaving breaths before he reburries himself. The only sounds in the room are the beyond wet sloshing of his tongue lashing and the pathetic noises your making.

He’s eating you alive, you don’t know how you’re supposed to survive this.

His fingers, two and then three fuck in and out of you. Corkscrewing as he loosens your tightness up for him.

“O-ooh” you whine high and reedy as you feel your tummy tightening, the pressure building in a way that makes you feel like you cant breathe. You cant your hips, shoving them down at that perfect angle “Oh, sh-shhhhit. I’m gonna, I’m-”

He doubles down and you’re a goner.

The orgasm is devastating. Sofuckinggood you think you might see stars for a minute there. You can't even scream, you keep letting out these little cries that are more like wheezes. A desprate attempt to get some kind of air back in your lungs-

Which reminds you.

Even though you’re in a daze you wiggle away from him, he hisses at you about it but you swat the top of his head as you reach for the Exo Pack.

You shove the mask in his face, between your legs.

”Breathe, Neteyam” you demand him to gulp down the Pandoran air. Yeah, he could go longer in your environment than you in his but still. Death by giving head isn’t the way you’d like him to go out.

He takes long breaths and you try not to be embarrassed by how soaked his chin is.

When he pulls away his eyes are a little more focused “Thank you, sweet girl. Always thinking about me, huh?”

You nod, dropping the mask. Closer this time for easier access. His eyes quickly zero back in on your swollen pussy, on how wet he got you. On how pretty it looks. His mouth is watering all over again-

When you try to close your thighs, the burning of your cheeks getting to be too much he hisses again. It’s not a sound he often makes and it’s a revelation, he’s so sexy. Almost feral.

“Who said I’m done?”

You’re never going to be able to get over this man “I already came?...”

“Yes? So?” he rolls his eyes, lowering his head, nuzzling at the damp juncture of your inner thigh “You’re still so tight, here feel”

His fingers slip back in you and you mewl, baring down as he scissors the long digits.

“We have to get you loose enough to take me, I don’t want to hurt you” He explains it like you need convincing. Like he has to convince you to let him eat you out. You just re-spread your thighs, relaxing back onto the cool floor as you let him do as he pleases.

It takes two more orgasms that you scream and shake through until he deems that you’re ready. By the time that he begins to slide his cock into you you’re a blubbering, oversensitive mess. You’re crying rivers of tears as you cling to him.

“Hold my hand? Please ” You request and he smiles, kissing your tear streaked cheek as he interlaces his longer fingers with yours.

Humans and Na’vi can fuck, but we’rnt designed to. His dick is overwhelimgly big and will really injure you if the two of you aren't careful about this.

You both gasp sharply as his tip breaches you.

It hurts, it’s agonizing. It’s the kind of pleasure pain that you didnt even know could exist. Everytime you think you can adjust, he pushes in another inch. But oh, how you missed it. Being so full it feels like you’re going to burst. You’re pussy flutters as it fights to take him and you focus in on his face.

It’s all scrunched up in heavy concentration. His lips speared between his sharp teeth in a way that has them almost bleeding.

You can't have that. You tug him into a kiss, soothing the abused flesh with your tongue.

“I-I dont want to hurt you” He whimpers as his forehead rests against yours.

“It’s okay, you’re okay” You hum to him, grasping at his hand even tighter “I love what you do to me. I love how you feel”

When he bottoms out you think he must be in your ribs. Hes still, letting your body get used to him. Trying to be kind. You want to tell him that there’s no getting used to his size. That he could fuck you every day for the rest of your lives and he would still feel just as massive.

“Please” you wail instead “please”

The first gentle snap of his pelvis has you both reeling. Your thighs lock around his thin hips, urging him. You can take it. It only takes a little urging for him to lose himself. The harsh stretch of it has you shaking as your over sensitive pussy tightens. You’re coming again, less intense the the previous orgasms, thankfully.

Neteyam had been so focused on making you feel good that he’d neglected his hard, weeping cock. His balls are so full that he knows he’s not going to be able to draw this out.

You know you have to look stupid, mouth hanging open as you raggedly gasp for breath, letting out punched out sounds as Neteyam pounds into you. You cant look away from his face though.

It’s mesmerizing, all of it. The sounds he lets out. The way that his braids sway with the rhythm of his pleasure seeking body. His broad shoulders, bulging biceps and forearms- you are so fucked.

You’re so in love.

“Please Y/N” He wheezes as you squeeze around him, letting go of your hand so he can wrap both of his arms around your lower back “I can’t hold it. W-where should I?”

Oh. Oh, he’s the sweetest man. He always has been.

You peck his lips, not minding that he’s too lost in his own pleasure to really kiss you back

“Come inside me. Come inside me. Come inside me” it’s a heated chant, broken and breathy by the erratic rhythm of his hips and he buries his head in your neck, wailing in the skin there.

Just for a moment, lost in the haze of sex, you can tell he forgets his own strength. Thrusts into you so hard that you scream out in pain, the mushroom tip of his long cock batters your cervix relentlessly. Its a sharp, startling sensation that you’ve never known but you ride it out for him. Desperately trying to keep your whimpers of discomfort at bay.

When he comes, his whole body goes still and ram rod straight. He hugs you tightly to him. You wish you could see his face. Next time, hopefully.

He’s Neteyam, the mighty warrior. The dutiful son. The next clan leader but as he shakes and twitches and basks in the afterglow you can't help but want to baby him. But stroke his back softly, rubbing the residual tension out of his tired muscles.

He’s your big ol’ pussy cat, you’d always teased. He purrs like one every time you’re affectionate with him.

You can’t help but run your hands along his sensitive spine. Let the length of his tail run through the loop of your fingers. He grins and flicks it from side to side. He’d always thought your fascination with it was amusing.

“Are you okay?” he mutters, still hidden in your hair as he starts to come back to himself and you hum, moving up to pat his braids.

“Mmhmm” you’re maybe not as capable of making words as you though you were. He chuckles and hugs you. Holds you in his big arms in a way that makes you feel untouchable.

The two of you lie in that room for as long as you can, until he has to start heading back to Home Tree, it’s almost morning and his parents are early risers. They’ll look for him if hes not in his tent…

It's hard. Letting him go. Even though you know he’ll be back. You keep pulling him back in for kisses, holding onto his muscular arms until he laughs and peels you off of him.

“I’ll be back my love. I’ll always return for you”

You frown but agree, pushing him away to get re-dressed- “How am I supposed to go back like this! Neteyam I don't have any pants!”

He’d shredded your shorts and panties. Literal tatters of cloth are all that’s left.

Neteyam cracks up, almost keeling over. Thinking he’s oh so funny. It lightens the situation and makes letting him go- watching him disappear back in the forest a little easier.

You end up having to pull your fortunately oversized t-shirt down as far as it can go as you make a mad dash across the facility, back to your dorm. You fall asleep grinning, thinking about how the panties had been a necessary sacrifice.

———

Norms on late night watch, keeping a bored, admittedly not sharp enough eye on the security camera’s feeds. With the rainy season, came an influx of Slinths’. It made sense to have a lookout, and somehow he’d gotten saddled with an overnight shift.

He’d definitely fallen asleep for a few hours. Not that he’d tell anyone of that fact.

There is nothing that could prepare him for what he see’s on the screen, over in the desolate East Bay. First, he thinks that he’s hallucinating, his sleep bogged eyes playing tricks on him.

He rubs them hard with his knuckles, not believing the image that is large and clear on the security footage.

It’s Neteyam. Inside the facility which almost never happened. And he’s bending down, his lips locked with Y/N’s . Kissing her hard and long before she punch’s in the code, and opens the air locked door to let him back out into the shadowy eclipse.

Norm’s learned a lot living on this strange moon- Pandora was mysterious. Full of things his brilliant mind would never understand. So he does what he does’ most of the time.

Minds his own business.

So I’ve had this idea cooking for months, but didn’t have the bandwidth to get it written down. The ideas wouldn’t translate to page and I still kind of feel like they didn’t butttttt whatever. This is pure self indulgence. I am so much more in love with Neteyam now. He is SUCH a good guy. Ugh.

Also, please remember that my requests are OPEN! Send in all that good shit. Come blue alien brain rot with me!

[atinylittlepain]

gif by @manny-jacinto

Baby Blue - A Joel Miller Story

Joel Miller x f!reader/f!oc

joel miller masterlist

Joel loses a bet to Ellie and is forced to chaperone a dance in Jackson. He might not mind it as much when he sees that their pretty neighbor is also chaperoning.

warnings | 18+ light on the angst, heavy on fluff, SMUT

a/n | this can be read as a standalone or as a continuation of Sweetness, it's just fun either way :)

..................

Joel lost a bet. He had taken Ellie out to practice her shooting, lining up old cans as targets. She was getting a little too cocky about her aim, so he had upped the ante, moving the still-standing cans a few more yards away, stacking them in a pyramid. 

“If you’re so good, kid, I’d like to see you hit just that top can there.” He pointed out to the can on top of the stack. Ellie scoffed.

“Easy. You don’t think I can do it, old man?” He just shot her a look out of the corner of his eye, crossing his arms over his chest. Ellie was grinning.

“Do you bet I can’t do it?” She had caught him that day in a half-decent mood, so for once, he was game to play along.

“What’s your wager, kid?” She thought for a moment, before her eyes lit up wildly and she fixed him with a grin. Joel was suddenly a lot less interested in playing along.

“If I hit that can, you gotta sign up to chaperone the dance they’re throwing next week.” Joel actually groaned at that. When he had heard from Maria about their plan to host a makeshift prom for all the high-school-aged kids in the town, Joel had thought to himself that there might not be anything he missed less than the concept of a bunch of hormonal teenagers nervously fucking around in a humid gymnasium for a whole night. He had chaperoned one dance before, Sarah’s first and only homecoming, and his heart seized at the memory of how he almost blew a gasket watching Matthew Brown getting a little too handsy with his daughter. Needless to say, when they had asked at the next town meeting for adults to volunteer to chaperone, Joel had not offered his services up.

“Ellie, there’s gotta be something else. I’m not going anywhere near that dance.”

“Well if you’re so sure I’m gonna miss, what’s it matter anyways?” He cocked an eyebrow at her.

“And if you miss, what do I get?” 

“If I miss, I’ll stop bugging you about your very obvious crush on our neighbor.” Ellie hadn’t let up about the young woman next door, not since Joel’s fake birthday when she had helped Ellie bake that cake for him. What the girl didn’t know was that the pair had shared a kiss that night, but since then, Joel had been hopeless. He’d greet her whenever he saw her around, and they’d exchange a few nice words, but everytime he talked to her his brain went fuzzy with the memory of that night, and he’d yet to “make a move” as Ellie had been goading him to do ever since.

“Alright, kid. Let’s see what you got I guess.” They shook on it. Joel wasn’t really worried about it. Hell, he didn’t even think he could make that shot, and if it meant getting Ellie off his back about their pretty neighbor, he was game.

He had sorely underestimated the kid, which was why he found himself in the old Jackson rec center gymnasium on a Saturday night, watching a bunch of puberty-ridden children of the apocalypse dance with each other to old cassette tapes from the eighties. This certainly hadn’t been on his end-of-the-world bingo sheet. 

He leaned back against the cement wall, his eyes scanning the crowd for Ellie until he found her awkwardly dancing with Dina. At least he didn’t have to worry about Matthew Brown tonight. It was mostly other women chaperoning, and they had all given him weird looks when he came to volunteer. He had thought to himself that next time, he’d move the cans a lot further away.

But then he saw her on the other side of the gym, his lovely neighbor in an equally lovely light blue dress. The dress itself wasn’t anything special, a short-sleeved thing that fell at her shins, but on her, Joel reckoned it was still the prettiest thing he’d seen in at least the last twenty years. Her eyes met his from across the gym and she smiled brightly, already walking over towards him as Joel’s brain began to blare the oh shit alarm. She sidled up next to him, bumping her shoulder into his.

“Joel Miller, can’t say I was expecting to see you here. You lose a bet or something?” His eyes went wide as he looked at her. She just laughed.

“Sorry, I had to. Ellie told me.” He huffed out a laugh, shaking his head. 

“That kid is gonna be the death of me.” She shrugged, offering him a grin.

“She’s certainly a spitfire, that one. You know, she always asks me if I’ve talked to you lately, always telling me that you’d like to see me.” Joel felt absolutely mortified, his eyes sweeping anywhere but towards her to hide his embarrassment. He caught Ellie’s gaze out of the crowd, and the girl looked so smug he’d like to dissolve into nothing on the spot. That damn kid. He shook his head, turning his attention back to his neighbor and trying to pull himself together. He cleared his throat.

“You, um, you look real nice.” Her smile started to ease the panicky feeling in his chest. She lightly swayed the skirt of her dress.

“Traded some of the tomatoes I’ve been growing this summer for it. Certainly not the same as what I wore to my own prom, but I guess it works for a chaperone.” He offered her a slight smile, rubbing the back of his neck and watching her smooth her hands down the skirt of her dress.

“Do you remember much of your own prom?” She laughed.

“Oh yeah. I wore this awful shiny purple dress and had matching butterfly clips in my hair. My date’s cufflink actually got stuck in one when he tried to pull a move in the back of the limo we rented, nearly scalped me he yanked so hard.” Joel couldn’t help the laugh that came out at that.

“Sounds memorable. I take it your date didn’t get too far in, uh, making his move?” She just let out a low whistle, shaking her head and swaying into his side again.

“What about you? Do you remember your prom?” He sighed, altogether liking the feeling of her shoulder continuing to brush into his too much.

“Hmm, I think mine was a little before your time. To be honest I don’t think we even made it to the dance, just ended up, uh, parking.” He blushed furiously as he got the words out, instantly regretting it. She just hummed.

“Wow, didn’t take you to be that kinda guy, Miller. I’m scandalized.” He could see by the smile threatening to creep onto her face that she was kidding. 

“Did you at least wear a suit?” He scoffed.

“Of course. Gotta wear a suit to prom. I wasn’t that much of a heathen.” She quirked her brow at him.

“What color?”

“Blue.” “Navy?” 

“Uh, not quite.”

“Like a royal blue then?” Joel just sighed, his shoes suddenly very interesting to him.

“No. You’re not telling me you wore a baby blue suit to prom are you?” He huffed.

“It was the 80s, alright? Everyone was wearing them, thought it was cool.” Her laugh was big and bubbling, eyes crinkling up as she looked at him in disbelief. She finally caught herself, resting her hand on his bicep and giving it a squeeze.

“I’m sorry, Joel. I just– never in a million years would I have pictured you in a baby blue suit and now I’m probably gonna be imagining it until the day I die.” He shook his head, not able to fight the smile breaking out at her delight in teasing him. He willed her to keep her hand on his arm, and she did, curling her fingers lightly and letting out a sigh.

“Laugh all you want, but my date thought I looked good that night.” She hummed, tilting her head up at him.

“I’ll buy that. But you look pretty good tonight too.” He choked on an inhale. He knew her flirting was entirely gratuitous, all he had on was a button down and jeans, the same thing he wore everyday. She leaned into his side.

“Whaddaya say, Miller. Will you be my prom date?” He let out a breathy laugh, feeling the blush creeping up his neck again. Maybe it was the sound of “the Cure” fizzing in the background, or the dizzy feeling he was getting watching the swish of the hem of her dress around her bare legs, but Joel finally decided to go for it. He tilted his head down to catch her gaze, a wry smile cracking across his face.

“I’m flattered, darlin. Thought you’d never ask.” The grin she gave him was her brightest yet, and Joel felt like he was melting on the spot.

They spent a while like that, leaning into each other against the back wall and snickering about nothing, lobbing flirtations back and forth. One of the other chaperones stopped by and slipped her a flask that they started passing between them, warmth quickly settling into both their features. Joel hadn’t felt this at ease in a long time, with her arm slung around his shoulders like they were the only two people in the room. She sighed resting her cheek on his arm as he glanced down at her.

“You know, even after he yanked my hair, my date still tried to make another move.” Joel scoffed but she just nodded.

“Mmhmm, he dragged me into the men’s bathroom, tried to get me to give him a handjob, pfft. I smacked him in the face and left right then and there, had to call my mom to come get me.” She laughed, but Joel wasn’t finding anything funny about it. Even though it had been at least two decades ago, and whoever this punk was had probably long been turned into a walking mushroom, Joel still briefly felt a twinge in his chest that he’d like to knock the guy’s lights out. He felt ridiculous, instead drawing his attention back to her and tentatively letting his hand wrap around her waist.

“That’s a really shitty prom memory.” And then, his tongue loosened by whatever they had been swigging from that flask, he said something way too bold.

“You wanna make a better one?” Her fingers stilled where they had been lightly playing with his shirt collar. She was just as shocked as him at his words, but she quickly caught herself, melting back into a smile.

“Well, depends who I’m making it with.” Joel was already slipping his hand into hers and turning heel to tug her along behind him out of the gym and into the hallway. Her breathy laugh of his name made his heart kick inside his chest. He was startled however, once they got out into the empty hall as she pulled him back towards her, tripping over his feet until they crashed together in a kiss. His hands quickly found purchase on her waist as she tugged him down by the hair at the nape of his neck. He couldn’t help the low groan that thrummed through his throat when she licked into his mouth. She pulled back with a wet click of spit, taking a big gasp of air. Joel’s knees felt weak at the sight of her, lips swollen and parted, chest heaving in her pretty blue dress. 

They were interrupted however, by the sound of chatter spilling out of the gym and into the hall. Joel’s eyes landed on another door, pulling her behind him and into what must have once been a supply closet. Luckily, when he flipped the lightswitch it worked, and they were back on each other in an instant, a tangle of tongues that was admittedly taking him right back to his highschool years. He walked her back until she was pressed up against the door, their hips slotting together, seeking more however they could get it. Her hands were grazing up and down his chest, sliding along the waist of his jeans in a way that was making him feel dizzy. His palms started to wander as well, from her waist down to the swell of her thighs, making her gasp when he squeezed the softness there before dipping around to her ass and he thought to himself that she was perfect in his hands. 

He was snapped out of the swimming reverie that was kissing her when he felt her fingers starting to work at his belt buckle. He was quick to take both her wrists in his hands, pinning them back against the door. She huffed at him and he could only breathily laugh at her frustrated expression

“Nuh-uh, darlin. This one’s gonna be all you, alright?” She smiled, her head lolled to one shoulder.

“We gonna go parking after this, prom date?” Joel grinned, already kneeling down in front of her.

“Something like that.” While he may have felt like he was back in highschool, he still had his very-much-not-teenaged knees and back to deal with and he was feeling it as he got down on the floor in front of her. He figured the pain would be worth it.

His palms gently curled around her ankles, skimming up along her calves and the backs of her thighs as he rucked up her dress along with him. Her breath hitched when his hands squeezed at her hips, not taking her eyes away from his as he thumbed at the band of her underwear.

“Is this ok?” She nodded, but it wasn’t enough for him. He gave her hips a harsh squeeze that made her gasp.

“Need you to tell me, darlin, please.” She drew one of her hands to card through his hair, tugging lightly at the scalp to get him to tilt his head up towards her. Her eyes were blown wide, and she squirmed in his grip. Joel felt like his head was going to explode just looking at her.

“It’s good, Joel. I want it, want you, please.” It was all he needed to hear, laying an open-mouthed kiss to the top of one of her thighs before sliding her underwear down her legs and helping her step out of them on wobbly feet. He drew the hem of her dress back up and she seemed to get the hint, bunching it up in one fist to keep it out of the way for him. He let his mouth wander up the plush inside of her thigh, breath grazing over her cunt in a way that made her shiver in his grasp. When he dipped away, however, trailing down her other leg, she breathed out a long whine. At that, he let his teeth graze her skin, nipping just a bit unkindly at the softness.

“Patience, prom queen, I’m getting there.” She scoffed.

“Oh, I’m prom queen now?” She went to say something smart, but was cut off with a broken gasp when he finally dragged his tongue through her folds.

“I’d sure give you the crown, darlin.” With that, he dipped back into her heat, drawing his tongue up from her fluttering entrance to her clit and swiping over the bundle of nerves there. He could feel her thighs shaking where his rough palms were splayed, and he drew her one leg by the back of her knee over his shoulder to open her up even more to him. She keened into his mouth, sighing out soft curses mixed with his name as he worked her over. It wasn’t lost on Joel that it had been a long time since he had done anything like this, but judging from the way she was tugging on his hair and canting her hips into him he hadn’t lost his touch.

“Fuck, Joel– want m-more– please– need more.” He rested his cheek on the swell of her thigh, bringing a hand up and slipping two of his fingers into her tight heat. The moan she let out was more of a cry at that, and Joel’s head went swimmy again at the feeling of her clenching around his fingers.

“Want you to come for me, darlin. I know you can. You wanna come for me?” She nodded frantically at his goading words, and Joel dipped his face back between her legs to lick harsh stripes against her clit as his fingers continued to steadily pump her. He came up for air for a moment, watching her face scrunched in pleasure above him, the sight made his cock twitch in his jeans.

“Please, baby, come for me. Just let go, pretty.” It was all it took to send her over the edge, her hips jerking in his grip and her cunt pulsing around his fingers as he fucked her through it. She let out a few warbly gasps of his name, tugging his hair to get him to stop working her over through the sensitivity. He finally pulled away and she hissed as he helped her get her foot back on the ground, slumping back against the door and gazing down at him with a hazy smile, her dress fluttering back down around her legs. Joel stood with a groan, his knees screaming in protest but he was quickly distracted by her pulling him in by his collar for a stomach-churning kiss. She pulled away with a gasp, eyes searching his.

“Joel, wanna feel you please. Want you to fuck me.” He groaned at that, dipping his forehead to rest on her shoulder and shaking his head lightly. She stilled in his grasp, and when he looked up at her again, a worried look had settled over her face. He couldn’t help the disbelieving laugh that rumbled in his chest, that this woman standing before him actually wanted him that much. The furrow between her brow deepened, but he was quick to lay a kiss there, stroking the arc of her cheek with his thumb.

“I want you too– believe me. But I’ll be damned if the first time I have you is in a fucking supply closet.” She let out a wild laugh at that, her eyes crinkling up as she looked at him and a warmth melted through Joel’s chest at the sound. 

“You know, I thought you were kidding about the whole parking thing.” Joel grunted, stealing another kiss from her before guiding her out of the closet.

“Fuck parking, I’m gonna take you home, darlin, if that’s alright with you?” They were already walking out of the gym but she still squeezed his hand and shot him a wicked grin.

“Sounds good, prom date, lead the way.” 

When one of the chaperones checked the door that had been left ajar, they were only slightly horrified to find a pair of panties strewn on the supply closet floor.

[belokhvostikova]

Have you guys seen that clip of Deborah Ann Woll teaching John Bernthal Dungeons and Dragons? Because that's how I imagine Eddie Munson learning, thus teaching you...

As young as can be, sitting in the lonesome of his yard, father nowhere in sight for days to come. There's always a boy. A much older one. Probably in high school. Eddie likes to watch him. He's got crazy hair, tattoos of devilish designs, a cigarette in hand, beer in the other, with a band tee to brandish his look. The overall stamp of approve in Eddie Munson's book- not that a ten-year-old is cool enough to have one, though, if Eddie was, the teenager next door would get it. So slowly, over some weeks, Eddie gains the tendency to pick up the distress t-shirts at the thrift store, and perhaps explores the music he so frequently hears come from the trailer over. It's nothing like his mother's, but the thrashing screams help with the raging thoughts.

So, back to the yard. Summer had been abusive. And a town or two next over, Wayne was pummeling to race over to save his nephew from boiling alive in the tin rectangle that lost its AC and a father figure to fix it. Wayne had made Eddie swore over the phone to stay outside under the shade of a tree. It's probably when the older boy first sees him. Yeah, he's seen the quiet kid around the trailer park, but for once, he's seeing the quiet kid with an asshole of a father, sweltering in the darkness of a t-shirt that oddly resembles his own Iron Maiden one.

Water was the first of an offer. "Hey! You, uh, need something to cool down a bit?" And as gnarly as he was believed to be to the child, Eddie remained silent to the offer, despite the ache for it. But the young man wasn't one to blame the young boy, so slowly, he approached. "Don't have to die out here, kid, could get you a fan if needed?" Nothing. "Folks around?"

Al? Al Munson? Around? Yeah, even the high schooler realized how stupid he sounded asking. But shitty fathers wasn't anything new to him, had a couple of his mother's boyfriends to even add to the experience, which was probably what inclined him to have a seat next to Eddie's hunched stature. "Killed an owlbear last week." Words may not have came out, but the furrow in Eddie's brows was quite a reaction. The guy laughed. "Y'know, D&D? You ever play?"

Dungeons and Dragons? Pardon his French, but that nerd shit? Wasn't this guy supposed to be cool? "Don't give me that look, twerp, can't knock it 'til you try it." A corner of Eddie's lips almost upturned. "Let's play.”

Spoken so faintly, "What...?" Christ, that kid was in need of water.

"Like, right now, let's play. Let's see, you," a point to Eddie's chest, "you gotta bow, on your back, strapped in- hell, and a sword and dagger at your hilt, right?"

"Uh-"

"Don't question it, just imagine it." The nicotine of his breath emphasized. "It's dark in the woods, isn't it? Nighttime, with almost no light, right? The moonlight can barely peak through the sea of trees, but that doesn't stop you from walking." And he watches Eddie's eyes fall to the telling of his story. "But... you hear a crack. It's something large. You can feel it. What would you do?"

Eddie seeks for the validation. "First thing?" And the teenager nods. "How far away is the crack?" Then, there's the smile. The hook, the teen calls it in his mind. "Perception check. We roll the dice, and let's say you roll a thirteen, and hell, you seem like a perceptive kid," the young man alludes to the similar taste of clothing Eddie's suddenly acquired, "that's a plus three, now sixteen. No need for me to tell you the insights, man, you know it's about twenty feet away."

"Then... then, I want to take out my bow first." Eddie rationalizes. "A-And I'm gonna aim."

And there's a light noticeable within Eddie, the high schooler can tell. "Okay, now, slowly creepin' at you, suddenly into view, you see its bit of eyeshine, in the darkness, you see an owlbear." Eddie smiles. "Ten to fifteen feet," the man acts out, "a monster so extraordinary, with the look of an owl, but a stature as great as a bear. It's squawking at you... what do you do?"

The curiosity sits up within Eddie. "Have I ever met an owlbear before?"

"History check."

"I have a history?" Eddie quizzes.

"You have a life, kid." Those words, something within had lit up inside Eddie. "This is D&D, you're playing D&D!"

"But how do I win?" His peculiar eyes rounded.

And a smile greeted him on the other end. "You don't. The goal's not to win, it's to tell a great story." Eddie sat back. "If this one isn't doing it for you," and gaudy rings on the young man's finger pointed to the likes of the trailer park, "make your own. It's what I do." He shrugged. "Don't keep your shitty life a shitty life. You could be sword fighting dark wizards in enchanted forests instead of waiting for next bad thing to happen." And Eddie listened. "Make your own life."

By the time Wayne’s pick-up truck had arrived, Eddie Munson had killed the owlbear.

And perhaps, in a few years’ time, about nine or ten, Eddie comes across a lost soul, too. Well, maybe not lost, per se, just allergic to the hierarchy of high school that he’s unfortunately been subjected to for far too long. Not exactly here or there with that group or the other, simply floating by without a notice- well, mostly.

There was some notice of your hair, the quite nice hair you got there, how you, uh, how you had it. Y-Your teeth, too, uh, pretty cool teeth. Made your smile kinda nice- well, not kinda, very nice- but not nice in a creepy way, y’know, nice in a good way… yeah.

Eddie swallowed thickly.

“Thanks.” You bluntly muttered back, returning to your task of retrieving dusty books from the desolate library.

“Oh, you like Lord of the Rings, I love Lord of the Rings!” It was worn, spine creased with no care- or maybe too much care. “Y’know, with the, uh, elves and shit, love ‘em.” You eyed him, and suddenly Eddie was plotting his own demise. Why he chose to speak as if he’d never read the book, he would never know, but words were spewing, and unfortunately, you were being drenched in the vomit of his nerves.

“Yeah, whatever you say.” You chuckled off in amusement.

But, nonetheless, you were ready to walk away from the oddity of Eddie Munson, as Hawkins High, in of itself, was weird enough for your liking.

“I killed a owlbear once.”

You stopped in your tracks, turning to face the metalhead, who bounced on the balls of his feet. Yeah, impressive, you swore the look on his face said. “What’d you just say?” Interest piqued.

“Wanna play D&D with me?”

Maybe you liked his weird…

[postoctobrist]

I could just look this up but I think it's more interesting to ask actual people about these things, so apologies

As a person who knows nothing about Islam, I gotta ask - what's the deal with the giant black cube?

Oh man I love talking about our cube! The cube is called the Kaaba, which means ‘the cube’. It is very holy (you are meant to be visualising it as a sort of aiming point every time you pray) but it isn’t secret, and a lot of people assume it is inherently mysterious.

So many pre-Islamic Arabian cities, including Mecca, had a cube. These served as public shrines and housed idols of the pagan gods of that city. A lot of them also housed or had embedded into them meteorites, because something falling from the sky is pretty easy to worship.

Our cube, the cube, is believed to be the site where way back in the day Ibrahim (Abraham, if you want) built a house of worship to God. Over time as monotheism lost out to pagan polytheism its original purpose was lost and people use it as a shrine and copy the form of that shrine elsewhere.

For any Muslim narrative, one of the things that Muhammad does as a prophet is to kick Arabia back onto the monotheism from which it had fallen away (into ignorance, jahiliyyah). So when Muhammad re-enters Mecca he goes to the Kaaba and smashes all the idols inside with a staff while saying that ‘truth has come and falsehood has vanished’ - in some tellings of this he preserves a statue of the infant Jesus and Mary but places it outside. What happens next is a kind of religious compromise where he Islamifies (well, God does, but he’s the one telling Muhammad what to do) bits of the Meccan pagan religion. So the cube stays, the meteorite in it, a black stone, stays, and the Meccan fertility rite of tawaf where people circled the cube naked gets changed so you have to wear clothes and it isn’t horny any more. A mosque is built up around it. Eventually the direction you face during prayer is changed from towards Jerusalem to towards the Kaaba. And from then until now Islamic practice in relation to the cube has not really changed.

FUN CUBE FACTS

It’s not the same building Ibrahim built or the same building Muhammad resanctified. It has fallen down in earthquakes or been destroyed with catapults an alarming number of times and then just rebuilt in a very practical way. The current incarnation dates back to 1626.

It’s not black - in high winds or when it’s being changed, which it is yearly, you can see under the black and gold cloth covering, the kiswah, and see the granite blocks underneath:

The kiswah also doesn’t have to be black. It’s a pretty firmly established tradition now but it’s been red, green and white at various times.

It has an inside. There’s nothing secret about it like the Holy of Holies, every year a bunch of dignitaries get to go in and clean it. There’s nothing material important in there, that being sort of the point:

The little cabinet has cleaning supplies, perfumes and the like. If you pray inside the Kaaba you can face in any direction, plus I like to imagine you unlock a fun little achievement.

[novemberblueskyink]

Our Cathedral is the Wastelands

Summary: Traveling during the night, you find yourself the object of attention for another nocturnal predator.

OR

What happens when the Ghoul takes an interest in you and stalks you through the night.

18+ only, mdni

Explicit content. Content Warnings: dehydration, blisters, radroaches, unprotected penetrative sex (wrap your tool, ya ghoul), (con) noncon elements, light bondage [if I've forgotten any, please leave them in the comments]

A/N this was an idea that just didn't let me go. I hope you enjoy as much as I did writing it!

The tip of your nose had long gone numb from the desert chill, and there were a few choice spots on your feet that were making themselves quite known. You’re still several nights’ walk out from the nearest town, and damn if it didn’t feel like two years instead. The monotony of walking under the stars had quickly set in. But it kept you warm in the frigid nights and meant you could rest and conserve water during the day. 

It was unfortunately all too easy for the boredom to dull your senses and reflexes. A nocturnal carnivore you are not.

The eyeshine of a predator alerts you first to the creature off to your right. You freeze in place, adrenaline turning your heartbeat to a roar in your ears. 

You stare hard back at those two pinpricks of light, trying to confirm its location.

Finally you see a slash of green - a radioactive grin. Fuck. A ghoul at best, a feral at worst.

You stay frozen in place until all three eerie points of light wink out. Then you slowly, fighting every instinct you have to flat out flee, walk away. You use every ounce of discipline to move smoothly, making no noise, breathing shallowly and steady.

The trick with nocturnal predators is to be one yourself. Or at least convince the other creatures stirring under starlight that you are, in fact, one of them. Gotta eliminate those pesky prey instincts.

The next night, the moon is shining out cold and high, so you can make out the vague impressions of a hat and a body belonging to that ocular green gaze and irradiated grin. You can feel the track of his attention for a long time. Until you glance back and are sure he must be out of sight. The shivers down your back continue all the rest of the night.

The third night, you nearly miss the whir and click of spurs, the light crunch of sand under careful footsteps, under the hiss of the wind and the sound of your heartbeat.

You whirl around, your hand on the grip of the gun in your hip holster. 

The figure behind you looms over you, the moonlight behind him, outlining the tatters of his duster, the shape of his broad-brimmed hat, the arc of his arm terminating with a gun, already aimed at you. He cuts a fine, tall figure. Imposing, without a doubt. Sturdy. Threatening. Alluring and dangerous. 

“Now darlin’, hands off that peashooter o’ yers,” the Ghoul demands.

You grit your teeth and flex your fingers on the handle of your weapon. Fuck. Slowly, you peel your fingers away from the grip.

You snap, “You do you want, ghoul? Caps? I don’t have any.” You can hear the click of his teeth snapping. “Well, sure don’t want the pleasure of your company, now do I?”

“I’ve got nothing you want. So if you’re gonna shoot me, just do it already.”

The being opposite you gives you a long appraising look, up and down. He takes a deliberate step forward, adjusting the angle of his gun with his new proximity. “Perhaps, the pleasure of your company will have to do after all.”

You take an uneasy, half step back, but he gestures with his gun, stopping you from moving any further.

“Turn around, sugar. An’ start walkin’.” 

The words send a shiver down your back, but you set your jaw, tense your shoulders, and turn back around the way you were headed. It feels almighty unnatural to turn your back on a predator, but you certainly don’t have a better choice at this moment.

You take slow measured steps, unable to see his weapon, and reluctant to give him a reason to act reflexively.

“What’s takin’ you this way?” he asks.

You feel the expression of surprise take over your face before you blink it away. “Headed to town for supplies.” 

He chuckles, and you can’t help your shoulders creeping up toward your ears. “Thought ya ain’t have any caps. How ya gettin’ supplies without any dinero?” He stretches the strange syllables out in his peculiar accent. 

Dinero? You mutter, rolling the word around your mouth before you think better of allowing a prolonged silence and add hastily, “Got some scrap. Gonna trade that in.” You shift the pack on your back on reflex, and immediately regret the full sound it produces. The adrenaline has made your mouth dry, and you yearn to reach for your meager water supply. Something stays your hand. You don’t want to show any weakness, any need. What if he takes your canteen? Could you survive the trip without water?

Unlikely. You swallow hard, the motion rough in your dry throat.

The Ghoul grunts. After a few steps, he shoves at your left shoulder until you veer to the right and continue on trekking.

“What about you, cowboy?” you ask, hoping to learn anything at all about your captor. You can hear him pacing behind you. The sounds of a human being reach you through the quiet, now that you’re attuned to hearing them, the occasional dry wheeze, the sound of a swallow, the rasp of clothing moving with his strides.

He makes a clicking sound. “What’d ya call me?” His question snaps out at you. 

Okay, clearly you’ve made a mistake. “It-it’s just a . . . a nickname. I grew up watching these movies with . . . with these gunslingers. Deputies and outlaws. Some of them wore hats like yours.” After a long moment of quiet, you mutter, “Sorry.”

He punishes you with a long stretch of silence. The imagined weight of the gun pointed at you presses at your back, driving you forward, long past when you would’ve taken a break, eaten, taken a drink of water, attended to any bodily need, really.

It becomes a relentless march. He must be planning on walking you to death. Each footstep on the unstable sand takes more and more from you, and you’re pretty sure that at least one of your blisters has started to bleed because the inside of your left boot has gotten slick around the heel.

Just as the blackness has lightened to a dusky purple and finally to a sickly gray-green, the scent of ozone, petrichor, and geosmin hits your nose. Oh, fuck.

A radstorm.

Your head jerks up and to the side, catching the dark haze of storm clouds building behind you.

“Head forward, gingersnap,” he says, giving you a shove in the middle of your back for good measure. It makes you stumble, and you bite back a curse.

The urgency of needing shelter dulls the complaints of your body enough that you can pick up the pace.

“Alright, if ya wanna kill me, please just shoot me. I’d rather not walk another step or else die out there in that,” you beg, jerking your thumb over your shoulder at the storm.

The Ghoul hisses. “Ya awful eager to throw away your life. Woulda bet on a fella smart enough to travel at night, would be smart enough to know a plan when they see one.”

A plan? You can only hope. But why would he help you? Why not take your scrap and leave you last night? You shake your head.

But you scan the horizon anyway. There. Just to the right of dead-ahead, there’s a structure. It’s the only interruption on the otherwise flat and blemishless stretch of desert horizon ahead.

Now that you can see it, the distance seems to grow no shorter, but you find yourself digging into your reserves, just to keep going. Just for the promise of respite, now within reach. Probably.

“Don’t want to die,” you pant. “Just not used to the kindness.”

“Ain’t today ya lucky fuckin’ day then.” He chuckles, but it’s wry, soured with sarcasm. “Take a drink of water, gingersnap. Christ alive, you’ve gone all night, haven’t ya?”

You hear the slosh of water in a canteen behind you. You clench your fists, but after another moment, need overtakes any other reservation you might have had. You unscrew the cap shakily and tip it back. It’s like life, right into the very center of you. But it’s not enough, it’s never enough. Thankfully, it is just enough that you feel your headache ease a bit.

“There ya go, gingersnap. Good job.”

You nod and rasp, “Thanks.” For no good reason, your body flushes hot and something twists deep down, between your legs. There’s something thrilling about the threat of the man behind you. Most of life, and most deaths, are nasty, brutish, and have become mundane. Death is one stumble away for most people. But through it all, you’ve gotten good at surviving. Good enough that the brush of death makes you feel alive again. His sudden consideration is intense emotional whiplash. The humanity of it.

His clicking noise interrupts your thoughts. And then it’s silence once more.

The building remains impossibly distant, until all at once, it’s only a few feet in front of you.

And based on the ominous rumble of thunder nearly directly overhead, it’s not a moment too soon.

The door has been piecemeal reinforced with corrugated steel. You shove at it, but after a straight march through the night, your strength has been sapped. The Ghoul muscles his way into your personal space, bodily moving you aside and kicking at the door. With two blows, the door creaks and then gives away, cracking open.

He shoves at, forcing the gap wider. He unholsters his weapon and gestures at you to do the same and to follow.

You ease the 10mm out and take it with both hands, its weight great enough that you’re not confident you can hold it steady in just one. 

He moves forward, stalking into the recesses of the building. You blink at the dark, giving your eyes a moment to adjust. It’s still not very light out yet, but the darkness inside is awfully complete.

As you stand, you calm your breathing and listen to the sounds coming from farther inside.

There’s a skittering sound that could be wind through a window crack disturbing the contents of the room but was far more likely radroaches.

You hear your companion’s gun discharge a few times, and you bring your own gun up, watching for movement.

You see the low scuttle of the creatures darting amongst the dusty remains of cardboard boxes and detritus. You fire several times and are rewarded with the gunky ‘splosions of the carapaces giving way. You take a deep breath of the stale air. There is only a tinge of rot, and you turn your gaze to the ceiling, trying to figure out the most structurally sound area to wait out the poisonous rain.

There are only two spots, both near windows, long since boarded over, that show evidence of water damage. 

Another crash of thunder is dulled by the shelter of the building. You retreat back to the door and wedge it as far shut as you can. It’s not as tightly sealed as it once was, but it would have to be enough to keep most of the water out.

In the shadows of the building, you see the Ghoul rifling through what’s leftover.

“Looks like it used ta be an administration building. Made so many a’ these ugly sons a bitches outta poured concrete. They’re uglier n’ sin and damn near indestructible.” He tuts and tosses some garbage away. 

You look around the structure with a new level of appreciation. It had been repurposed at some point, and the accoutrement of survival is scattered across the floor, all dust-covered and half-broken, in no sensible order or organization. Frankly, the chaos was comforting. It was normal. Whatever you’re feeling, watching this competent creature manhandle furniture around, making a safe place for you, it’s not normal. It makes your chest feel full of air, your body buzzy, that place between your thighs, long neglected, throb.

You set your hands on your hips for a minute before kicking at the boxes in front of you. Most of what remains are plastic flaps, whatever was protected by them, long rotted away, slender plastic tubes the length of your hand. Plastic cups, various shapes of boxes, grids, and some sharp rusted metal shards.

As the rain starts, soft patters accelerating to a dull roar, periodically interrupted by startling pings against the corrugated steel on the outside of the building. It makes you jump the first couple times. Expecting muzzle flash and a bloody end, but realizing what the source of the noise was after a beat.

“Jumpy there, gingersnap?” he asks.

You swallow dryly, taking another swig of water while you can. Your stomach growls, now that you’ve stopped moving, and your hunger reasserts itself with a vengeance. “Maybe,” you reply weakly.

“Go on in there, sugar. Storm’ll be ragin’ a while.” Even through the dimness, you can make out his gesture.

You lead the way into an office, the Ghoul close on your heels. The room opens up to your right. One person sitting against the wall would have line of sight on the door, and as you’re contemplating the contents of the room, he drags the desk over to provide some cover.

Not bad.

You slump down against the wall with an eye on the door, but the Ghoul nudges your thigh. “Slide over.” 

You shoot him a dirty look, just for consistency’s sake, but slide over anyway. Moving gingerly. He drops down in the space you left him, returning your glare.

Digging through your pack, you pull out your night’s rations. You hold out half to the Ghoul.

He picks it over, only taking some of what you offer, the best pieces, with a smirk. You narrow your eyes at him and give him a shitty little look, and he bares his teeth right back at you. You can see their inhuman glow once again.

You take him in from closer as you eat your rations. His eyes are bright, even in their sunken pits, the upside down heart of his exposed nasal passages, just a concave curve from the side where you are, the place where his irradiated, melted facial skin meets the slightly smoother skin of his lips. How full his bottom lip is. Mm, fuck.

“You taking first watch then, cowboy?” you rasp, your voice rough with something else besides dehydration and disuse now.

He just grunts at you, so you draw up your knees and fold your arms, ready to pass out just like that.

He takes a deep breath in. “You gonna take care of that foot first?”

You huff out a sigh. Shit. Both your feet hurt something fierce. “What do you know about it anyway?”

“Can smell it from all the way over here,” he replies sardonically.

“Smell my feet?” you squeak, mortified.

He sniffs again. “No, sugar. The fresh blood.”

You flush and shift your feet to undo your boots. He takes the left one in hand, and you tense reflexively. That’s the one with the worst blister. Although, by now, worst was an academic exercise for the mythical doctors to debate over.

He handles you with surprising tenderness, undoing the laces and easing it off. He peels off the blood-sticky sock next. You groan at the sight. It’s both better and worse than you expect. It certainly feels like the entirety of your foot is battered, bruised, and about ready to fall off. It looks like two or three blisters started bleeding.

He sets your boot down so you can dangle your foot off the end, and you get started undoing the right. It does look a little better. Only one bloody blister.

You dig through your pack and sigh. You don’t really want to use a stimpak, but your feet will take too many days to heal. You don’t want to waste valuable travel time on sitting around some abandoned building. 

You use it and sit there while the effects cascade through you. You stretch out and feel a jolt as the motion brings attention to the other bodily need you’re neglecting. Fuck.

You decide instead to stand up and stagger over to the other side of the office, lying down with the wall to your back.

You really do try your best to fall asleep, but between your thoughts keep you restless, tending toward what activities could be done between two consenting adults in a dark room with a lot of time on your hands.

“Are you finally gonna tell me why you’re headed to town?” you ask, to distract yourself.

You hear him shift, taking off his hat. “Just headed that way, ‘suppose.”

“And you just happened to want the pleasure of my company?” you interrogated him again, sardonically.

“Thought that was obvious,” he scoffs. “Could smell the radstorm, knew you were ‘bout to get caught in it.”

“And you figured you’d . . . what, rescue me?” You push yourself up to sitting.

“Somethin’ like that,” he snaps. He turns toward you, clearly pissed. “Why, angry I saved your sorry ass?”

You blink hard at him, taken aback, but also relieved that at least there’s some honesty in your exchange.

“Well, mister, you could’ve just used your slick tongue to explain what was happening, instead of threatening me at gunpoint!”

He lunges at you, coming up to kneeling on one knee before restraining himself. “Don’t act like you didn’t like it, gingersnap. I know you’d like me to use my slick tongue on ya.” 

You bare your teeth at him. “What, can ya smell that too, ghoul? You sniffin’ around like some pervert?”

He does come at you then, so fast, so smooth, lifting you up by the throat. “Matter a’ fact, I can. Sugar.” He draws out the word, breathing in deep, mouth parted, taking you in through his nostrils and over his tongue. “Bet ya my both a’ my guns, you’re wetter n’ a slip n’ slide.” He wedges a knee between your legs.

Your mouth drops open in shock. What the fuck is a slip and slide? Fuck. You’re so fucked. 

“You asshole,” you hiss. He plants his other hand to the side of your head, the thud making you gasp.

His fingers flex around your neck, the leather soft and warm from his hands. He licks from your chin over your lips to your cheek. 

You struggle against him, ineffectively batting at him. “You’re such an asshole! Don’t fucking lick me! And stop smelling me.”

“Can’t help that, sugar. You smell deeelicious.” He pants in your face. “‘m gettin’ really sick of your talkin’ though-”

“What’re you gonna do about it?” You shove at him, furious, kicking out at him with your feet.

He hisses through his teeth, pulling back and giving you a hard look. “Oh, I can think of many ways to shut you up right now. Do ya need me ta teach ya a lesson in courtesy?” 

You pull at his hand, but his thick fingers squeeze a little tighter in warning. 

“Fuck you,” you growl.

He brings his mouth close to yours, taking your lower lip between his teeth, tugging, a threat of a kiss. “I will, gladly.”

His free hand comes off the wall, and he raises it to his mouth. He bites down on the leather and pulls the glove off, letting it fall to the floor. He plucks at your worn clothing, following a line down your sternum to the front of your pants. 

His fingers curve between your legs. Your head tips back with a thunk against the wall, your mouth dropping open with the fireworks the friction is causing in your brain.

He leans in again, pressing his mouth to yours, murmuring, “I win.” Then he kisses you properly, slotting his lips against yours, licking and nipping. His fingers slowly rub at you, your swollen, slick parts needy for his touch. 

His hand around your neck loosens. You fist your hands in his torn clothing, opening your mouth for him. His tongue slides into you, and you suck at it. You’re loathe to admit it to him, but you’d do almost anything to keep his dexterous fingers working between your thighs. Fuck him for it, but you can’t lie to yourself.

The hand around your throat disappears, there’s the soft fwump of the glove hitting the floor, and then his bare hand is trailing over your chest, grabbing a handful of breast. It’s just the right amount of rough for you, and you can’t help grinding your hips down into his hand. 

His middle finger wedges itself between your labia, and the hot length of his finger, his large knuckle rubbing directly on your clit, it’s all so much. You moan, and he swallows it down. He pinches and works at a nipple through your tattered shirt.

He mutters against your mouth, “Don’t ya dare cum yet, gingersnap. Enough about you anyway.”

He pulls his hand back from where you need it most and starts undoing his pants. 

Once the Ghoul’s cock is freed, he puts his hands on your shoulders and urges you down, down to your knees.

It’s dark, you’re hardly able to see him, but your hands meet his throbbing length, his flesh smooth in places, webby or ropy in others. You can’t wait any longer to feel what it’s like inside you, so you tongue at his tip until he curses and fists a hand in your hair. Then you slide as much of his dick into your mouth as you can manage. Fuck, the size of him makes your jaw start to ache, but the way he fucks you like this is obscene and good. He takes his pleasure from you, using his hand in your hair and the wall behind you to keep you in place, where he wants you, where he needs you. Your saliva coats your chin and his cock, and you can’t stop the moans that his thrusts interrupt.

He grunts and smacks the wall, pulling you as far down on his dick as you can go, making his cock and your need to breathe your whole world for as long as he wants.

He lets you go suddenly, and you come away gasping, still licking at his tip anyway.

He pushes you down on the ground, belly down, and you try to get up, to crawl away, anything. He crouches down, gripping the nape of your neck.

“Gatdamn, gingersnap, don’t you know what’s good for you? Stay still.” He frees your bedroll from your pack and uses the back of your pants to lift you up so he can put it beneath you. After he positions it where he wants it, he uses the space to undo your buttons and work your clothes off. He growls as he works off your jacket, and you’re afraid that if he’s too rough he’ll ruin it. He leaves your shirt around your wrists, twisting it up and working it around them again so your hands are secured.

The Ghoul turns and gives your bare ass a slap, watching the muscle and fat jiggle. You bite back a whimper.

“Please,” you say. You aren’t sure what you’re begging for, but it’s more, more of him, more of a break, more punishment, more pleasure.

He grips your waist, his fingers digging in and leaving bruises. “Make ya mind up, gingersnap. Not that you’ll much change my mind now.”

You moan as his thumbs dig in to the place where your thighs meet your ass and expose your throbbing holes, glistening with the evidence of your desire. For him. There are a few long, quiet moments as he just looks at you.

Then a jolt goes through you as the tip of his finger teases your cunthole, assessing your wetness. He slides in up to the first knuckle and eases it in and out until you take his big finger entirely. Methodically, he repeats the same process with a second in addition to the first. He strokes at your insides, angling his fingers until they rub against that certain spot inside you that makes you buck and cry out.

“Fuck, oh fuck,” you grit out.

He sucks his teeth. “Now hush, darlin’. Don’t want anyone or anything to hear ya. Ferals or worse.”

You bite down on your lip but a glove is presented to you instead, and you let him push it past your lips and bite down on the worn leather.

The Ghoul removes his fingers from your pussy, and your cheeks heat at the salacious, wet noise. You clench around the nothing inside you, and your cunt throbs.

He doesn’t neglect you for long, and he squeezes the head of his cock into your entrance. He puts a hand back on your nape, and you know his control is immense because his fingers are trembling, but he restrains himself. He’s giving you the same careful treatment as before. His girth stretching you feels so good, tinged with a little bit of pain.

Your cunt pulses around him, your helplessly needing more, more of him in you.

He sinks his teeth into your shoulder at the sensation, his body arched over you, connected to you in the ways that he can offer. Your inner muscles clench around the length of him he’s worked inside you. Pleasure sparks and blooms in your body, you’re so wet.

His teeth and his fingers flex, and he sheaths himself entirely inside you.

“Fuck!” you cry out, your teeth still locked around the glove. It comes out garbled and just on this side of a scream. It’s so much, he’s so much.

He stays inside you for one long moment, and then his restraint crumbles under the onslaught of your pleading noises, your hot, engulfing center, his own needs.

He sets a thorough pace, fucking into you deeply, the edges of it burnt with lust, ragged at the limit of his urge to rut into you with abandon.

Every time he bottoms out in your cunt, it winds your body tighter, the pleasure molten in your veins. It thickens, becoming a promise, and you lift your hips up to meet him. 

His pace picks up, losing the steadiness and sureness. Your mouth drops open at the change, and the glove drops to the floor.

You babble, “I- I’m . . . oh yes, yes! I’m gonna cum, oh fuck, gonna cum.”

He turns you over, pulls you into his lap, and seats you again, letting your restrained arms go over his head. He bits at your collarbones, letting you work yourself on his length, use him for your own pleasure. He slips a hand between your bodies, putting his thumb against your clit. You shudder, your arousal a wildfire, devouring you.

“Oh, gingersnap. That’s it. Eyes on me,” he demands. You blink your eyes open, meeting his own, the color of raging flames, even here in the dark, and shiver, bouncing up and down in an erratic rhythm, just trying to get there again. “You want it? Admit ya wanna ghoul, admit you want me.”

You swallow down a moan to say, “I w-want you in every way, every p-possible . . . way. Please, oh fuck. I need you.” Your eyes flutter, but you force yourself to keep them open, keep them on his, connected.

Every thrust brings your clit into contact with his thumb, the long, slick slide of it sending fireworks up in your mind. Every thrust pushing you closer to orgasm.

The Ghoul grits out rough sounds of pleasure. “C’mon now, gingersnap. Give it up f’me.”

You keen and wring your pleasure from him, his cock, his hand. It bursts in you, sparking all along your nerves, the pressure expanding out from your core, subsuming you. You collapse against him, burying your face in his neck, breathing in the ozone and sandalwood scent of him, the desert air still caught in his clothes.

He takes your hips and uses you for his own now, your arms locked around his neck keeping you in place for him, just a hot, wet place for him to fuck into. And he does, hissing and grunting, deep, hard thrusts, until he gasps your name and pulls you down sharp, flush against him, and cums into you.

You can feel the heat of it, deep inside, and he moves his thumb on your clitoris, coaxing more pulsing from your cunt, making you milk him, drawing out sweet noises from you.

He holds you just like that for a long time, stroking all your favorite places, your jaw, your shoulders, your lower back. You lift your arms, and he tugs off your shirt, now even more hopelessly distressed.

“Y’alright, darlin’?” he murmurs low, near your ear. “Ya need water. You shoulda drank somethin’.”

You grope for your water, taking a deep swallow, passing to him, and he does too.

“Hey Coop,” you rasp. “You owe me new socks. Next time ya wanna play catch me up, gimme a little warning before walkin’ me half to death.”

“Next time,” he answers. “Don’t be such a smartass,’n I’ll think about it.”

[system-of-a-feather]

Full Integration, Final Fusion, Functional Multiplicitly, and General "Spirituality"

(Disclaimer: this is a very long post)

Heyyo, this is a bit of a hodgepodge of connected topics that I was thinking on this morning. For those that don't know, after like three months of being a really solid fused whole, we really decided that we needed to redivide back into our core parts to recenter, rebalance, and reorganize ourselves since our fused whole was loosing sight / vision of the "plot". We don't consider this "splitting" because we are still in - what we like to call "full integration" - and we don't really engage in much dissociation when we do this as the means of how we do this largely stems from the way we perceive, engage with, and view the concept of "self" and "identity." Our system highly values the mastery and art of a very fluid and ever changing sense of identity and self. This morning - thank you Chunn brain for batting our collective brain from the usual urge to get out of bed and get started with our day to give us time to really sit with our inner selves - we spent about an hour and a half and a small half hour nap just laying there thinking among ourselves and I wanted to share a few.

I think at the moment I am still mostly a fused whole and I had considered trying to go to Ray or Lin for them to write this, but it didn't feel right to go to Ray brain and Lin brain directly told me "Dude, this thought line started with Riku-dominant fused brain, trying to have someone else write it would be a disservice to the reflection. Let Riku or Riku-dominant fused brain do it, it's their thought." and you know, fair point. I think I'll use this post as a temporary "bye few thoughts" and love letter to our parts as a fused whole before leaving it to the individual specialists to do their things.

So introduction to this post aside, hello and temporary soon to be farewell before I choose to temporarily redivide into my main parts. Today is May 15, 2024 and I'm gonna document this a bit for when I come back whenever that is and kind of see if my fused-whole perspective and nature changes - mostly for myself. Online I go by Feathers, irl I just go by our chosen name.

I'm a (mostly, technically non-denominational independent, but most of my views and perspectives come from and align closely with) Zen Buddhist. I'm nonbinary vaguely transmasc (not really though?) intersex individual with the pronouns of they/them. I am extremely pro-endo and if I honestly felt like sticking around longer, I was thinking about writing a much more nuanced essay on tulpa-terminology discourse with my current reflections as a fused whole and as a pretty avid Buddhist but, unforunately, unless one of my parts still shares the same insight AND interest, that essay will have to wait for me to potentially be back (hey, Riku or Chunn might still want to who knows). I dunno what else to say, I love bird, Bleach, walking, driving, listening to music, video games, writing, art? I dunno man, I'm just me.

Documentation aside anyways, I gotta figure out where I want to start. I think I will actually piss my high-school English teachers off and start with the LAST thing in the title card. I might loose a lot of close minded white anti-endos here, but hey, if you are that close minded, then its your loss cause I'm just talking about late-stage recovery as a person with diagnosed DID that is considered polyfragmented. It's a fun conversation to have with other people with DID aiming for recovery so, if you're hell bent on hating people talking about plurality form a non-DID lens enough to disregard cool information, that's your loss. (Thank you XIV brain, crediting that to you for part of our goal today)

Buddhism, Spirituality, Plurality and Our Perspective of Full Integration

According to Buddhism, and one of the largest concepts and principles of Buddhism that we believe the most in and actively work to practice and cultivate the mindset of - is that the concept of "I" and the concept of a singular, distinct, and separate self from the world and others simply does not exist - only the experience and illusion of experience exists. I was talking about it with @quoigenicfromhell in DMs since they were interested in talking shop about Buddhism.

To save myself a whole effort of rewriting a discussion on how one can hold together the clear sensation of existing and being an individual with the idea and Buddhist understanding that the "self" does not exist, I'm going to copy a little bit of what I wrote in response to them. If it doesn't make sense cause its in a bit of Buddhist jargon, then oh well, I'm lazy, it's written for an audience that has done some reading and looking into Buddhist thought so RIP yall srry not srry (Thank you Chunn brain lol)

Honestly the development and understanding of holding those two things together (the non-self and non-existence with the clear experience of self and existence) is largely a lot of exploration on the understanding and respect for the experience without applying too much value or regard to said experience. Its kind of a hard thing to understand just based off of words alone and like all things Buddhism, its one of those sorts of things you really gotta sit on and explore in your own mental space, but like

The experience of self and personhood and existence is a denied concept in Buddhist thought, but its not a bad or incorrect thing, the experience of self and existence is kind of considered an inherent expression of life and the world and while its important to be cognicent that it is an illusion that can cause suffering and muddy an individuals ability to see Things As They Are, the experience and illusion of self is additionally an entirely natural thing to experience and is an important part of being able to, well, be

I kinda of personally perceive it kind of similarly to say a part in a system. Innately the part is not (at least in my experiences of systemhood) a literal entire separate being and thats an important thing to acknowledge for a number of reasons (life organization and direction, system accountability, etc) but its would also be incredibly foolish to completely ignore that the part operates, experiences themselves, and lives in the world (both inner and outer) as if they were an individual of their own

In the same sense that a part in a system can be seen both as an individual and a part of a whole / collective depending on what perspective and demands the moment needs. An individual can be seen both as the individual expression of a self informed by the arguably incorrect illusion of isolation OR as a part of the whole worlds expression depending on what serves the moment the best. I largely kind of see myself as part of a system that is the world much like I see my parts as part of a system that is "me". While the self may be an illusion, its not an experience that can be denied and it is an innate expression that in its own right can prove to be a great teacher So you deny the concept of a self but respect and revere the experience and innate natural expression of self

With that context in mind, while we do not believe in the concept of self and find that trying to seek out a concrete idea of a singular person and singular self in society is a source of extreme suffering, stress, and displeasure, we DEEPLY revere and honor the expression of self. As we see it, in a complete ideal and impossible the world would be in perfect harmony if we let the world express itself as it naturally does. We find that the experiences of self - in whatever form they take - are inherent and natural expressions of the world as a whole and to try to shape oneself to fit a specific image - may that be societally imposed or internally / personally imposed or a sense of envy or any sort of clinging or desire to a specific version / image of self - is a disrespect to the innate beauty found in the natural expression and a means of adding disharmony into the world.

As a result, our system and whole aims deeply, above almost all else to exist simply as we naturally would in any moment time to time. If we find that something we are doing with our sense of self is drawn and influenced too much on a "I should" or "I want" or "I wish" or "I hope" then we tend to pause, self reflect, and ask if we are actually existing in our natural state, or are we trying to fight against our natural state of self to fit into a self-imposed idea of what we "should be".

As a result of that, our system deeply values our flexibility, fluidity, and ability to change any aspect of ourselves, any opinion we hold, any identity label we consider, and our overall presentation in all ways and forms to a very high level. The desire to be consistent and predictable serves us little in simply practicing on "being" and finding the true and simply-run life that we want. That then results in why our system so casually flips around in system size, fusions, redivisions, how we refer to ourselves, etc. We find very little value in committing to labels and concepts and do whatever is natural for us.

Additionally, another large aspect of Buddhism our system deeply reveres and appreciates is the acknowledgement that there are "Buddhas" - or in less Jargon terms, potential for everything both internal and external to be teachers and guides into finding a sense of peace and simplicity in the world - and that it is deeply important to cultivating peace, happiness, and insight to actively always be seeking out the "Buddha" in everything and everyone. It's important to reflect, engage with, and talk with those "Buddhas" as they are the best and number one way to gain the insight that brings happiness and peace into life and removes excessive suffering and stress.

As many Buddhists agree (at least of the Mahayanan branches), everyone is inherently a Buddha because the world and everything is a Buddha. The only issue people have is that they can not connect, hear, and see clearly enough to be in that state due to a large number of human conditions - one large one being the aforementioned illusion of self.

Having lived my life as someone with DID and having gone through a lot of trauma therapy, self reflection, communication and coordination with my parts, and all that to the point we have reached functional multiplicity over a year plus ago and been able to hold a fully fused state for over three months, I feel like its a given to say that of ALL things in the world, the "Buddha nature" of my parts have been the best and most insightful teachers I've ever had. We revere each other's strengths and specialties greatly as each of us have taught the other great strengths, great understandings, great insights, and great appreciations that have collectively brought us so much peace and happiness. It's not to say any part is "enlightened" because each part is also deeply flawed and struggling in their own realms, but it is largely by working and talking and supporting one another and ACTIVELY looking to one another for insight and lessons about the world and our existence that we are able to reach a uniquely peaceful space.

For us, its an incredibly important practice - both for self care and in the art / spirituality of Buddhism - to regularly talk and engage with these specialized and uniquely-wise (and uniquely stupid - thank you XIV) parts of ourselves to gain deeper insight and overall understanding of ourselves and our place in the world.

In the same sense, it is why - despite being completely capable of operating as a fully fused whole - we regularly choose to INTENTIONALLY redivide into our parts. And no, its not us "splitting again" or even really throwing up any real level of dissociation / dissociative barriers. If anything, we usually do this through meditation and mindfulness.

It's a Buddhist practice, its not a mental disorder and its not stemming from the same mechanism's DID stems from. It might operate *based* on the foundation our history with DID stems from, but at this point in our healing, the way our system operates at functional multiplicity that is intentionally chosen to be that way AFTER reaching "final fusion" has a number of differences from how it operated before we reached general full integration.

Again, for those more familiar with the tulpa-terminology discussion, you might be able to see where I would have a long post delving into a highly nuanced and more middle-ground perspective of that syscourse from the paragraph above this one, but I'm gonna leave that cause I already know this post is long and it would detract from the purpose.

At this point, my system is mostly an "intentionally created one" to Western label standards. We personally do not see any significance or binary in plural VS singular people beyond it being a label some people identify with and not. Plural VS Singular is a false binary perpetuated in white, western, and european society and while I respect that perspective and view in a space that is primarily filled with white, western, and/or european individuals, I am going to firmly state that and expect you to give me that same respect. (and if you refuse to give me that same respect, then you are close minded and being very white / western lmao <- thank you XIV, again)

And so the other related but slightly different topic away from the more philosophical, esoteric, mysticism sounding topic of Buddhism...

Full Integration, Final Fusion, and Functional Multiplicitly

At this point, what we used to call "Wishiwashi Recovery" we kind of have taken to just calling "full integration" generally as a means of really breaking apart the suggested categorical and boxed binary of "final fusion" and "functional multiplicity" as our own experience and discussion with other systems at and near full integration have made us realize that the difference between functional multiplicity and final fusion is FAR more a spectrum than it is two seperate categories. Some systems stick to one end, some to the others, but the largest difference is in external and internal expression of the parts and less any fundamental or biological / clinical difference; at least not in terms of integration. (Note: Integration =/= Fusion; Integration is the general connectivity and accessibility of parts with less / limited / no dissociation)

It's a false binary to say Final Fusion or Functional Multiplicity and its why a lot of the "ones bad and ones good" syscourse is dumb. They're two heads of the same Doduo and they should be kissing. (JOKING, thank you Riku-Aya brain)

With that said, our system, as we've made clear, regularly and freely practices sliding and flying all over that spectrum as just how we like to engage with ourselves. We change between the two as we see fit and having spent probably like 9~ months in functional multiplicity and 3~ months in final fusion I wanted to share some pros and cons of both sides.

I would also like to put a disclaimer that this isn't meant to be "positives and why this side sucks" as much as it is the differences in life style according to our opinion and our experience. Both final fusion and functional multiplicity are absolutely WONDERFUL things overall and we love both states. If we got "stuck" in either, we would still be immensely happy. The purpose of this part is just to share certain differences in how we experience the two different ends. The Cons in these case are only "cons" relative to the "alternative" and not "to not ever reaching either"

Functional Multiplicity Pros:

A lot more clear and direct communication between parts internally that allows for a SHIT ton of internal banter, productive conversation about complex topic and perspectives from unique and diverse perspectives; the communication is a lot more intentional and a lot more in focus so its easier to properly sit and attend to the complex differences and sometimes conflicting directions

It's honestly just a lot of fun, not gonna lie. A lot more dramatic and extravagant expression + brain friends in a more overt sense

Easier to let certain parts of the brain take "breaks" - it's not the same as it is with not-fully-integrated DID but compared to Full Fusion, certain parts of the brain can "tune out" easier than not

More palatable to DID / OSDD spaces online

Easier to focus and use a wide variety of skills, interests, hobbies, and thinking patterns by simply just having a specialist part take their look at it

Generally easier to target specific boxes to look into as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Final Fusion Pros:

Quick and a lot more inherent understanding of all parts on a general gut level without necessarily needing to fully think about everything and listen to every opinion and perspective; there is a lot more of an inherent understanding, trust, and awareness of the collective whole which makes decision making and seeing whats good for the system as a whole a lot easier

It's honestly way more calming, relaxing, and solid feeling. There is a unique sense of confidence, understanding, and trust within yourself and you have a HUGE arsenal of skills and interests that come from the combined parts that you've lived as

You are a lot more present and aware of your life and you actually get to live YOUR life and have all parts of yourself be engaged in life; no part feels really left behind or is caught off guard from having their brain partially turned off. The awareness is really present and engagement is so much more complete.

More palatable in real life and non-DID/OSDD spaces

Easier to simultaneously use skills from multiple parts at once; very much a jack of all trades all at once situation

Generally easier to integrate multiple complex and otherwise seemingly detatched boxes of memory and the past as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Functional Multiplicity Cons:

Takes more intention, focus, and often time to get the same level of full understanding of the whole system when making decisions. It can be slow and it requires a lot more internal engagement which can make it harder to be fully present in life

Sometimes you can get what I call "lite" amnesia where a part was not paying attention and doesn't fully process what was going on / what is going on and so sometimes you get poor attention-driven "amnesia". It's small and easily recovered by simply going "hold up wait" and thinking back or asking another part

Harder to use skills from different parts at the same time; albeit definitely still possible and only "harder" relative to final fusion

Generally harder / requires intentional discussion between parts to integrate multiple complex boxes as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Final Fusion Cons:

Less direct and overt bantering and discussion between parts (still present by the way, just less frequent and less overt). It can be a little less fun (still is fun cause they are sill there) and it can be a bit harder to fully see the extent of a more extreme perspective

It can be tiring and overwhelming to be aware and present so much for so long if you were accustomed to the breaks DID / OSDD tends to give parts

Easier to forget to use a lot of the skills and hobbies that may have been more niche to less-dominant and less-prominent parts; you don't "loose" the skills, you just aren't accustomed to using them as much so you can just kinda forget to use them

Harder to focus on a targetted recovered memory / information that you want to process and can sometimes be a bit overwhelming trying to connect a number of things at once

And this is all just to say that both are absolutely astonishing and great places to mentally be. The main point is that - for us - sometimes one state works better for us in the moment and another state works better for us later and that's completely cool cause - as aforementioned - the difference between plural vs singular is not a binary one for us anyways.

Anyways, I don't know how to wrap this up so I'mma just post it

Ideally today we will focus on cultivating our independent parts and return to Functional Multiplicity end of the spectrum so I guess tata for now

-Feathers

EDIT and PS: Anyone is allowed to add their thoughts to this so long it is in good faith.

[defrosted69]

My Hype Boy

(A/N: Got this idea off Youtube again and I said why not mix it up a bit Yohohoho)

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You exhaled heavily as the autumn breeze past you by. Your highschool days were closing to an end and you couldn't remember any good memories that you made in school. You know that after high school, everything will be on your own and it will be your decision on what to do with your life. Honestly speaking, you wanted to at least work after your high school days inorder to help your single mother.

Your mother wasn't a single mother before but your father died when you were young because of his heart disease. You didn't really remember his features or any memory he has with you as the only proff you can have is photos of him along with your mother.

Well lately, your mother has been meeting a guy whom she's having fun with. You weren't gonna stop your mother have fun since shr deserve nothing but happiness after what she went through in life. You haven't seen the man but hearing stories from your mother, the dude sounded like a good guy.

You sighed and just brushed those thoughts away as today was the last day of school for the week meaning you have time for yourself. That sweet update from your game was what your aim this week was. You worked hard to review for this week quizzes and you feel like you actually did great so why not relieve yourself and embrace the pleasure of gaming.

You were infront of your door as you opened it and called out your mother.

"Eomma I'm home-"

"Y/N! Good timing. I want you to meet your step father."

Your eyes immediately looked around and sure enough, there was a man beside your mother who had plastered a kind smile. He wore glasses and in your opinion, he looked like a business man which you presume his career is connected to an entrepreneur. Your gaze then shifted to the small girl who was peaking behind her. Her gaze at you looked like a scared cat as this made you nervous for some odd reason.

"Y/N, this is Doyoung. He's gonna be your new step father."

He offered you a handshake which you complied by. But your eyes immediately shifted towards the girl behind her. Something about her made you self conscience of yourself. Your step father must have seen your gaze as he smiled softly and introduced her shy daughter.

"Ah, She's Kim Minji. She's my daughter. She's a shy girl but she can't speak."

This made you confused. Your eyebrows furrowed a bit as Minji slowly hid herself behind her father once again. Seeing your confused face made your mother chuckled a bit as she was the one who explained to you.

"She's suffering from aphasia Y/N."

"Ah I see..."

"I know she's preety but you gotta understand her condition got it?"

Your mother's stern voice only made you sigh as you nod your head. After a few greetings here and there, You finally made your way to your room and turned your PC on. Your phone buzzed and you were already aware that your friends are waiting for you so you hopped on to the game and saw them all online. Being the typical gamers they are, they began to tell you how you suck at the game when in reality, your KDA average was at 15-4-9. It wasn't at pro level but it was enough to carry your teammates aka your friends through ranked games.

Being able to enjoy the time you have playing games made the time move faster. For 30 minutes that you feel like playing, but in reality, time has moved 2 hours from when you started playing. The orange sky has turned off and everything outside of your window has turned dark as the clouds dissappeared and was replaced with twinkling stars.

A sudden tap on your shoulder startled you as you jumped out of your seat. Your hearted raced to the max as you looked behind you and you saw a frightened Minji shivering in fear. You immediately removed your headset and tried to calm the girl down.

"I-It's okay Minji. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm sorry."

We weren't really sure on what to do but if there was one thing that you learned in school is that you should be a gentle speaker to someone who's quiet or someone who is anxious. Minji was showing both signs and you had hoped you have calmed her down and it did helped her for a bit. You noticed how she stopped shivering yet her eyes still showed worry. You then noticed how she was holding a plate of food and this immediately got you the idea why Minji came to your room.

"Ah, Sorry I couldn't go down for dinner. Did you make this?"

She slowly nodded her head as you smiled brightly at her. You were thankful that she made you dinner but you also felt a little bad that a stranger made you your food. You were a person who always pay your debt and right now, you were indebt to Kim Minji.

"Thank You Minji. I appriciate it. Ummm.. I know it's weird for me to ask this but do you have something in mind that you like? Like food?"

Minji gulped as she gave you an anxious stare. You weren't able to read what she was saying because she can't really speak. She then placed your plate on your table as she pointed at your PC Screen. She looked down embarrassed and held the cloth of her pajamas tightly. You were no idiot as you immediately got the hint of what she wants.

"Ah, you wanna play the video game?"

She nodded her head slowly.

"Sure. Do you want me to teach you as well?"

She looked up at you rather quickly as her eyes widen in surprised. For the first time since earlier, the anxious look she showed dissappeared and were no longer visible in her face. Instead, excitement and joy showed on her face. She did a small hop from her joy which you couldn't help but chuckle at her cuteness. You left your seat to which Minji slowly occupied it. She looked around your PC and was amazed on how your keyboards were flashing color rainbow lights, add in some figurine on the side which added some aesthethic flavor on your setup.

"So do you have any background of the game Minji?"

She slowly nodded her head which caught you by surprise. The game was for all obviously but it was rare for you to see a girl take interests on such game considering how toxic the game chat can be sometimes. Your shock suddenly turned to worry as you quickly muted the chat along with voice chat as you didn't want Minji to get exposed by the toxic words that can be labeled as a the world's biggest crime sentence known to humanity.

You watched from behind as Minji plays your character and mind you, your character is no easy task. They say that your character you choose was only used by the professional players especially in the esport tournament because of how complicated it is to master it. Even with your 6 months of using the character, you still haven't really realized how to properly use this character properly.

But as 5 minutes of speedrun gameplay, you just witness a pro level user use your champion as if it was nothing. The combos Minji unleashed were all so on point and was so effective against the rival team and the supposed 20 to 30 minute gameplay just ended in 15 minutes with Minji having a KDA of 15/0/6. Zero death and the MVP of the game. You were silenced by her gameplay as Minji removed the headset and looked at with her preety eyes.

"Oh my god... That was so amazing!!"

You exclaimed as Minji's eyes widen seeing you jump from joy. You were all smile as you clapped your hands congratulating her for her splendid performance. But instead of seeing a smile from her, she only looked anxious and scared as this confused you. She suddenly stood up and sprinted out of your room leaving you perplexed and filling your thoughts with so many questions. That happiness that you felt immediately died and was replaced with worry.

"Did I do something wrong?"

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"You definitely did something wrong."

Your friend Soobin said in a matter of fact tone. You groaned as you laid your head at your table. Soobin was one of your friends in school and an introvert unlike you and Yeonjun who were extroverted. You realized that Minji must be an introvert after meeting her so you decided to ask for help with another introvert and that's where Choi Soobin comes to play.

"Why? What did I do wrong?"

"Hmmmm. Well for starters she isn’t close with you yet. Either that or she's not used to compliments or such."

The last part of his essay got you intrigue. You couldn't understand why she wouldn't be used to compliments when she herself looked like a girl who's always complimented by her father or even her friends.

"I didn't know there was such thing."

"Well now you know. But who's she anyway?"

Soobin's question got you sweating profoundly out of nowhere. Soobin wasn't an easy opponent when it comes to lying. His sharp eyes and good skill on observing people is what makes it difficult to find excuses to dodge him. You weren't just gonna simply say that you have a new sister living under your roof as this will make things more difficult for you as it is with her.

"An…old friend of mine."

You tried to cover your unsure answer with confidence on your voice. This skill was developed when your were in your first year as you made unsure reasons to your mother to play video games instead of learning and it worked somehow. This skill of yours was something that Soobin wasn't aware as of the moment as he just shrugged his shoulder.

"Ah, that explains it."

You silently sigh a relief knowing that Soobin took the bait for now.

"Wait, one reason could be that she was bullied before and she lost that sense of trust or something like that."

Now that was a wild and interesting take. Pondering about for a while, that reason could make such sense considering she has a disability.

"It must have been tough for her."

Your heart soften imagining how Minji must have felt being bullied because she can't talk nor speak out her thoughts. This somehow angered you as you clenched your fist in anger. The thought of Minji getting hurt didn't sit well with you as Soobin noticed the burning flare on your eyes.

"Calm down Y/N. You look like you're about to kill someone."

"Ah, Sorry."

Soobin's words snapped you back to reality as you exhaled a deep breath. There was no point of you getting angry at this moment as you weren't even sure if she was being bullied from the start. In fact you barely know anything about Minji at all. The only information you have with her is that she's a good LooL player. That's it. Not even her contacts was in your phone.

"I'm such a terrible brother to her."

You sighed but you turned your attention to apologizing to the girl after school. The first thing that entered your mind is offering her a bunch of food. Mainly some snacks and some chocolates for her. Maybe you can add in a few drinks as well.

"Hmm.. Should I buy some drink? But what does she like? Hmmm..."

Once the school bell rang indicating the end of school, Yeonjun and Soobin stood up together as their eyes signal one another. They have plans today to hangout in Soobin's place as they turned their attention toward you. But instead of finding you smiling towards them, your seat was empty and they caught a glimpse of you leaving the class in hurried manner. Yeonjun found it strange as he was about to rush towards you when Soobin stopped him.

"Hey, Yah, Soobin. Why are you stopping me?"

"Just let him be. He must be helping his mother at her shop today."

Soobin knew that was far from the truth yet he had hoped that was enough reason for Yeonjun to believe in.

"Ah, is that so?"

"Yeah."

"Oh well. Guess it's just the idiot duo again."

"Don't add me into that."

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Making your way at the local store, you contemplated on what flavor of filled bread you were gonna choose.

"Hmm? Will Minji like chocolate filled bread or will she like the strawberry one? Hmmm..."

You could only sigh as this was quite a troublesome problem for you. But then you realized something that could solve your problem.

"Why do I have to choose 1 when I can choose both? God I'm such a genius."

You chuckled to yourself and placed the 2 bread unto your grocery basket and went to the drinks section. Upon arriving, your eyes wandered seeing there was a lot of variation of drinks that you can choose ranging from water to juice and the like. But your main focus isn't some water or factory ready juice. No, your focus was the milk flavored section. Choosing between Strawberry and Mango, you grabbed both since you like mango and strawberry as well.

You thought that you have enough money to pay for your stuff, you were surprised by how much the foods cost as you couldn't believe how it exceeded your allowance. Worst part of all this is, is that you forgot your wallet back at home and your pocket money is only for 26175.00 won. the total food cost was 35678.00 won which was more than your pocket money. You had no choice but to remove what wasn't necessary as you choose the strawberry filled bread and Mango milk drink. This was a giant bet as you weren't sure what Minji really liked.

You left the store feeling a little dissapointed by yourself but nonetheless, you were still determined to apologized to Minji. You began to start the trail towards your home but a sudden though made you visit your mother's stall and saw her working alone. Your mother had own a small chicken stall near the neighborhood of your home as this small stall was the reason why you are attending school in the first place. You smiled entering the shop and greeted your mother with a happy demeanor as you hugged her warmly.

"Hey Mom."

"Oh. Y/n. How's school for you dear?"

"Preety boring. Nothing new."

"Really? Well have you had dinner yet?"

"Not yet."

"Why don't you sit down and I'll cook you some chicken wings."

"You don't have to Mom. I'm still full from the little snack I ate earlier."

You pulled away from her as your mother chuckled at your behavior. You then placed the food on of the store's table as you began to help your mother sweep the floor or even clean some tables. This was your task everytime you visit her stall as this was the least you can do to lessen her work load.

"Ah, By the way Mom."

"Hmm?"

"About Minji. I actually have no knowledge about her and I feel scared that I may fuck up my actions towards her."

It was a question that you really need an answer for and no one is better than to ask than your own Mother. She sighed a bit as she closed the cash register and looked at you.

"Doyoung told me that Minji suffered Aphasia due to bullying. She was seven years old when her school bully pushed her on a river and her head got hit on a rock. The doctors told him that Minji was lucky to survive the fall and hit on her head but it did cause her to lose her voice. Since then, Minji has been home schooled her life keeping her away from the harsh reality of schools."

That immediately saddened you as your shoulders slumped down and your facial expression showed nothing but sadness and pity. Minji wasn't just a shy girl, she was a traumatized girl that couldn't properly let go of her painful past. You finally realized what you did wrong towards her as she wasn't used to being complimented by other people beside her father. This also add that she must have been traumatized of people cheering for her thinking they were behind her when in fact, they couldn't care less about her.

Minji was just all to stunned to take everything that you did for her as she wasn't used in that situation at all. You sighed heavily as you smacked your head realizing how much of an idiot you were towards her.

"I'm so stupid! Damn it."

You cursed yourself for this kind of behavior but this also added more motivation towards asking for forgiveness towards her. So after a few minutes of fixing and cleaning up the place, your mother has closed the shop and both of you walked home. Upon arriving, you immediately went towards the supposed room of Minji. Your heart was beating fast and this made you feel anxious as hell. Sweats began to form on your forehead and hands as the nervousness began to take over your body. You took one deep breath and you mentally prepared yourself for what you will face.

You knocked on her door 3 times and called out her name.

"Minji, are you there? I.. I just wanna apologize to you."

There was a few seconds of silence and just when you were about to knock the second time, you heard the door click open as Minji peaked through door staring at you. You gulped as you realized how scared Minji is towards you. You mentally slapped yourself for being an insensitive prick towards a girl who's so afraid of the world around her. With a deep breath you bowed towards her in a complete 90° angle bow showing how sorry you were.

"I'm so sorry for acting so irrational towards you Minji. I didn't know that I scared you with my actions and I sincerely apologize towards you. I failed as a big brother and I would understand if you ignore me or even hate me because I deserve all of it. I didn't consider your feelings and that was a big problem from me. I have learned my lesson and I hope I can still be a good big brother towards you."

You were glad that you didn't stutter with your words as you hoped that Minji would get your point. But you were also afraid that you could have said too much for the girl. The silence that the atmosphere carried was so heavy that you couldn't help but look for a bit and you were suprised to see Minji crying while staring at you.

"Oh shit! Oh no, oh no. Oh no, oh no. What do I fucking do????"

You were completely scared as to why Minji suddenly started crying infront of you as you quickly fixed your posture and tried to think of the solution you could possibly do. But to your surprised, Minji wiped her tears and pulled out a pen and paper as she began writing on it and she showed you what she wrote.

"It's not my fault why you're crying? Then umm.. Why.. Did you suddenly cry?"

She began to write again then showed you after she was finished.

"I was just touched by what you did Oppa. No one has been this kind to me other than my father"

You wanted to cry as well seeing how harsh the world was towards Minji. She was such an innocent soul yet the world hated her for being such an angel. It was this day you swore to protect and help Minji get past her trauma of people and nothing will stop you from protecting her no matter what.

"Ah by the way Minji, I bought you snacks you might like."

You gave her the strawberry filled bread and the milk flavored drink as Minji squealed in delight. She jumped a little as she hugged you suddenly which caught you by suprised. Minji hugged you so tightly and felt the sincerity in her hug. You stroked the hair of Minji and chuckled happily.

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TIMESKIP: 6 MONTHS

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6 months have passed by and Minji has finally decided to enter a school near your own school where you attended. It was surely a suprised especially your step-father considering how much he didn't want her daughter to experience bullying anymore. But one part of him also wanted her daughter to have a normal student life outside of her own room and her decision was possible because of you as well.

During the months of you and Minji hanging out in the house, you would tell stories to Minji about your daily school life and the good times you did while being a student. Of course you removed some parts that could potentially trigger her trauma as you were very careful with your words. You would sometimes cut off your sentence and change the subject immediately especially when you realize that the words that will come out of your mind may make Minji uncomfortable.

Soobin and Yeonjun also found it weird how you were going home more earlier now than before but Soobin being the best wing man you have, would often tell him of the same excuse over and over again and Yeonjun would fall for it all over again and again.

All though your step father was against it at first, you helped Minji explain to him the importance of Minji attending school at least once in her youth especially since she's a teenager. It took sometime of convincing and a lot of Minji crying but your stepfather agreed to enroll Minji for one semester only. Even though it wasn't that long, Minji rejoiced as she hopped around with her tiny jumps and gave her father a warm hug.

Everything was going well for Minji for her first 2 weeks as she was all smiles and would tell you stories of her school experience in her notebook. But what really made you happy for her was when she told you of her friend Pham Hanni. She was also a transfer student from a different country and Hanni guided her through out the school. You could still see how happy she was when she told you about her first friend but that happiness could only last for a few seconds.

Minji has suddenly been going home lately and it also didn't help that you mother and step father has been into arguments a lot lately due to some financial issues regarding your step father's business. Of course you find it annoying how loud they could be but you feel more bad towards Minji as you have learned that she wasn't fond of arguments and fighting.

Things took a big dip as Minji was once again late to go home as you had enough of this and decided to check out her school and on what's she's been up to. As the final bell was rang, you picked up your bag and immediately left class which Yeonjun and Soobin was used by now as they just shrugged their shoulder at you. The walk towards her school wouldn't be much time consuming as it was just at best a 10 to 7 minute walk or if your sprinting, it would only take 2 minutes. Knowing that Minji's dismissal time was 30 minutes ahead of you, you were sure that Minji would be still in school so you arrived at their school gate looking for her. All the students eyes were on you as they didn't expect another student to enter their campus that easily.

Walking up the stairs of her classroom, you entered it and saw that Minji was nowhere to be found but there was a few students that was still in the room that could tell you where Minji is. Particular, you saw a bunny looking girl who was staring at you intently.

"Excuse me but have you seen Kim Minji?"

"Minji? She went out earlier with that jerk Haesul. Well technically speaking, him and his circle called Minji out."

Furious, anger, murder, genocide. All of this emotion was rilled up into you as your fist turn into a ball and your eyes showed fire in em. The girl felt scared at your murderous face as you asked her where they could be.

"T-They could be at the back side of the school near the trash area..."

You noticed how scared the girl looked at you as you sighed and calmed your nerves down. Minji was in danger but there was no reason for you to be angry at someone who has no affiliate with the assholes.

"I'm sorry for scaring you. But what's your Name?"

"Pham.. Pham Hanni."

"Pham Hanni? Ah! The girl that Minji told me all about. Thank you for being her friend."

You sincerely bowed at the girl who was shocked by you sincerely as she just waved her hand off at you.

"It's okay Oppa. I should be the one apologizing for not doing anything to stop those jerks from approaching Minji. I'm so sorry."

You could only chuckle at the girl and smile at her. You know very well that Hanni was also a shy girl like Minji so having a confrontation would also be too much for her.

"It's alright Hanni. You don't have to worry about it. I'll take care of this problem."

You smiled and left the classroom looking for Minji as your eyes darted everywhere observing and noticing the small details of their school.

"For a middle school class, this sure looks prestigious. How come there's bullying here?"

That was your thought until you finally saw Minji being cornered by 5 guys. Your blood boiled immediately as your animalistic instinct kicked in.

"Come on Kim Minji, if you don't answer me then we're dating."

Haesul said as his friends cheer him on. He was basically taking her disability to his advantage as Minji was scared for her life. Her knees were shivering and her heart was beating so fast. She could feel her head spinning from the amount of stress she was facing and her vision was slowly doubling.

"Hey since you're quiet, that means we're dating right? Right? Then I should kiss you to seal the deal right?"

His friends started to cheer him on as this only made her more anxious than before. Her trauma began to climb back up her mind as Haesul smirked and was inching himself closer to her. He didn't leave any space for Minji to breath as Minji closed her eyes as she screamed out the name in her mind the person she wanted to see.

"Y/N OPPA!!!!"

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"Oi, what do you think your doing to my sister?"

You pushed the face of Haesul off Minji immediately and pushed him away giving them space which Minji was so glad to have. She opened her eyes and there she saw a familiar back. The back that she adored so much and the back that will always protect her. She began to sob silently as her tears began to slowly descend her cheeks.

"Hey, who do you think you are?"

Haesul asked as he looked you up and down which you didn't back away from. In your mind, they were in a teenage phase where they think they can take on anyone. You also have to be careful considering you were a high schooler and not a middle school student unlike them.

"Her brother obviously, now back off."

You tried your best to intimidate them yet they didn't falter. They only laughed at you finding it amusing that her brother was defending her.

"Listen pal, me and Minji are a thing. And you're-"

"Who?"

This made Haesul scoffed as he didn't expect you to cut him off so easily. His patience was slowly dying down.

"Me, Haesu-"

"Asked."

You once again cut him off and this time, he didn't take it lightly as he punched your face in annoyance. Minji widen her eyes in pure horror as she watches her precious brother eat a punch to his face. You wanted to retaliate immediately after that punch but you held back as fighting a middle schooler would be an embarrassment for you. You fell unto the floor but stood up and even smirked at him.

"That all you got kid?"

"You bastard-"

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SMACK

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"Kids I tell yah, they think their inferior or something sometimes."

Yeonjun spoke making you look behind you and seeing Him and Soobin standing together. Yeonjun's drink was splashed into Haseul's head and it's remains was slowly walking down his face.

"Yeonjun, Soobin? What are you two doing here?"

Soobin sighed and pointed at Yeonjun.

"This bastard wanted to see you so we followed you and here we are."

You were grateful for their rescue as this was an opportunity for you to take Minji out of this mess. You grabbed her hand and both of you began to walk away as you said

"Can you two give them the old Special? They messed someone important to me."

Soobin sighed while Yeonjun smiled like a maniac.

"Suuure~"

"Alright, I won't let that slide anyway."

Both Yeonjun and Soobin said respectively as you gave them a nod while pulling and holding the hand of Minji. You wanted to get the clear picture of what's really going on. Minji can clearly see how mad you are as this made her feel bad for herself. She stopped walking which also made you stop on your tracks. You looked back and saw Minji crying softly as this broke your heart. You hated seeing Minji cry or sad as you let go of her hand.

"Minji I... I'm sorry. I didn't know you were being bullied and-"

Minji didn't let you continue as she suddenly hugged you tightly as she cried her heart out. You didn't know why she was crying this much but you just relate it back to her being bullied. But in reality, she felt so sorry for you because you had to save her and you even got punched back. She hated herself for what happened earlier but she was also grateful for saving her back then. Her heart was beating so fast and she was so flustered being this close to you but she didn't care. All that mattered for her right now is that she was in your arms comforting her.

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TIMESKIP: 3 MONTHS

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Ever since that accident, Minji has changed rather weirdly towards you. Everytime you would arrive home, she would hug you tightly and wouldn't let go for a minute. She has also been very clingy towards you either it be playing video games, eating your food or even reading a book. She would either give you a back hug which she will stay for a long time or she would hug your arm and watch you play your video game or sleep on your shoulder.

You don't mind Minji being clingy towards you but you just find it weird how she's acting towards you. Especially sometimes she would sneak into your bed and snuggle with you. You find this action very weird but you just let her as everytime you would push her away, she would only cling to you tighter. It was a losing game if you fight her off so you just let her be and sleep.

Although your relationship with Minji was great, your parents wasn't. Their arguments has become more often which lead to Minji leaving the table and sleeping at your room and clinging towards you. You could only sigh at them and their argument has finally come to a close when the two decided to have a divorce. Upon hearing this, you were sadden because the reason why they were arguing was something they can't control.

Apperently, your stepfather was setup to marry a woman he doesn't even love due to his business. He tried to fight for his love towards your mother but in the end, he lose the battle. He apologized to you and your mother sincerely as he admitted that your mother will always have a place in her heart. It was heartbreaking especially Minji who cried all night not leaving her room at all. You tried your best to convince her but to no vail. It also didn't help that after announcing their divorce, they were to leave the household the next day.

The dreadful day finally came as Minji finally came out of her room looking tired and lifeless. She moved towards her father's car with no motivation as all you can do was watch from afar. You clenched your fist as this was now or never. You have to say your goodbye to her.

"Hey, Kim Minji."

Calling her out made her finally look at you as you tried your best not to feel sad for her. With a deep breath you said

"I'll never forget you Minji. I'm sure we'll see each other again. For now, this is goodbye but someday this goodbye will turn to hello and we would be smiling to each other again."

You assured Minji that you two will see each other again and the possibility of having a reunion is always possible. Your warm smile radiated so much as Minji will surely miss it. Minji smiled back knowing this was the last time you'll be seeing her smile warmly at you.

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TIMESKIP: 5 YEARS LATER

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"Fuck this. I can't even finish this one subject."

You sighed as you and your 2 college buddies wore a boring and exhausted face as the test earlier really drained your energy.

"That test is straight up bullshit. How can He give questions that are not even taught to us? Like how? What the hell?"

Felix, your first friend said as you nodded your head.

"Yeah shit mate, tell me about it ey. Being dumb and unattractive is a painful combination to have. I mean look at us mate, we're dumb and no girlfriend."

Christopher Chan, your second friend said as you scoffed at his comment. Sure you had your few runs on some blind dates but it all ended in vain as nobody was able to click your interest. Not only that, but the subjects you were taking in university had taken a huge toll on your time.

"But I did hear a new student in campus is beautiful as fuck. Some are even saying she's sculpted by the gods."

Felix explain the rumor that was going through around the campus lately. Of course you were caught by this rumor as you would be lying if you say that you weren't interested in such topic. Chan just scoffed and said

"Ain’t no way Mate. That's just a rumor ey. If that is true then I'm betting my Straykids Photocard right now."

Felix smirked and nodded his head.

"Alright, I'll bet my Izone Chaewon photocard for that."

"Oooh it's on mate-"

The two shook hand behind you as they glared one another as if they were ready to go to war at each other. You on the other hand was lost in your thoughts as a sudden memory of Minji appeared on your head. There was no moment where you can't forgot about the time you and Minji spent together. There would be times where you would ask yourself if Minji was alright and doing well. It's been 5 years since you last saw each other and there was no form of communication between you two. There was fear within yourself that Minji must have forgotten about you considering it wasn't even a year since you two met and made memories.

"I wonder what's Minji doing now. She would probably be in college right now as well."

You could only sigh as you continued to walk leaving your two friends arguing with each other. You enjoyed the silence of the campus as the soft breeze pass by the threes. It's cute whistle was good music in your opinion-

"Y/N Oppa?"

You turned your head towards the voice was and you widen your eyes. You stood frozen to your feet as a girl stared at you. Something about her seems so familiar yet you couldn't pin point it.

"M-Minji? I-Is that you?"

Upon hearing your voice. Minji smiled brightly and dashed towards you hugging you tightly. The familiar feeling of comfort and sweetnes returned to you as memories flashed through your mind. Minji was back in your arms and was able to-

"Wait Minji, you can talk now?"

Minji pulled away from you as her smile never disappeared from her face. She nodded her head vigorously indicating that your assumption is correct.

"Yes, My Dad found a really good doctor in America and with enough therapy, I got my voice back."

"That’s... That's awesome! Your-mmhpjh?"

Minji placed a finger on your mouth telling you to shut it as she giggled and removed it. Seeing Minji again for so long made you see how beautiful she really was.

"Oppa. Do you have a girlfriend?"

"What? What do you mea-"

"No, actually I don't care if you have one or even if it's a 3D woman. I'm gonna steal you from her."

Now that was a bold statement coming from her.

"Wait Minji. Did your personality changed too?"

"Hmm? Nope. I love you Oppa. Be my boyfriend."

"Wait what?"

You were stunned to speak yet Minji smiled happily and to add more suprise, She kissed your cheeks leaving you a blushing mess. She could only giggle at your red tomato head and flustered face.

"Since we're no longer Step siblings. I'm legally allowed to marry you. And for the record, I actually fell in love with you when you saved me from those bullies before.”

Her smile never disappeared yet you were to perplexed to say anything. You also found it very weird how your heart was racing to the max and Minji was now looking more prettier than before. When you finally got your senses back, the first words that came out of your mouth was

“You like me?”

She giggled and nodded her head. 

“Shall I prove it?”

Minji closed the gap between you and her as she grabbed your cheeks and pulled you down to her level and kissed your forehead. Butterflies and fireworks was all over your body as you felt explosions everywhere. Minji has changed as the shy cute girl was gone and infront of you was a more mature beautiful version of Minji.

 “Let's go Oppa. Help me around Campus will yah? hehehe~"

Without even saying a thing, Minji hooked her arm around yours and pulled you away from your spot. You were taking everything in but if there was thing on your head, it was that.....

"Minji likes me? And I think.....I like her too...”

.

.

.

.

[kittyball23]

Birthday Boy (a Trolls fanfic)

Summary: It’s Baby Branch’s first birthday, and his brothers ensure that he has an enjoyable celebration

A/N: Taking place before TBT

__________________________________________

“Birthday boy, birthday boy, everybody better make way to-day for the birthday boy!”

John Dory belted out the tune that he’d made up right there on the fly, holding up his youngest brother in his arms and swinging him playfully. Baby Branch giggled and clapped, enjoying the little ride he was getting before he was set down in his high chair at the table. Today was a special day, because the youngest little Trolling of BroZone was having his birthday! And not just any birthday – his very first!

A Troll’s birthday was an incredibly special thing – next to all the other holidays and festivities that were common – and his was no exception. Some folks threw extravagant parties, with lots of lights and glitter as well as plenty of singing and dancing, not to mention all the friends who would be invited. But Branch’s party was not quite as huge as one may think. Despite the baby belonging to what would surely end up becoming the hottest boy band of the century, there was no huge party with dozens upon dozens of their fans in the crowd. As was custom between them, they always reserved the very first birthday of any of them to a simple family affair. John Dory, Spruce, Clay, and Floyd had all remained within their pod, decorating the interior with streamers, balloons, and confetti, while Grandma Rosiepuff was in the kitchen baking all kinds of sweets for them to have.

Spruce hummed his own little tune as he worked, a romantic ballad that he was aiming to perfect for the next time he went onstage. He tried working dutifully, though he couldn’t help it when he had to pause to practice a suave smirk or an eyebrow waggle. Clay, on the other hand, was unable to keep still. He had a bounce in his step as he moved across the room, busting out a dance move when he could, the streamers flying out behind him. He noted Floyd on the other side of the room, looking indecisive as to what color balloon to blow up next, blue in his left hand and green on his right. With a glint of mischief sparkling in his eye, Clay grabbed a handful of confetti and flung it at his younger brother. He laughed as it smacked Floyd right in the cheek in a burst of color, startling the young Trolling. He gasped and dropped the airless balloons right on the floor.

The yellow-haired Trolling burst out laughing. “One, two, three, four, I declare confetti war!” he cried out, grabbing some more of the colorful little paper strips and flinging them at Floyd. Floyd huffed as it landed comically all over his hair and vest this time, and he grabbed some of the confetti to fling back at Clay.

His aim was a little off, however, and the confetti instead hurled right at Spruce instead, who had been in the middle of practicing a very charming smile. He was smacked right between the eyes, the purple-haired Trolling stumbling back in surprise. “What the - ?!” he exclaimed, and then realized who had thrown it at him. He smirked. “Oh yeah? Well, two can play at that game!”

Floyd gulped, squeaked an “Uh-oh!” when he saw Spruce lean his arm back and prepare to throw another big handful of confetti at him, and promptly hit the floor, ducking just in time. The confetti instead splashed colorfully on JD’s back.

“Hey!” he grumbled, whirling around. “You’re supposed to be decorating the room, not me!”

SMACK!

Another burst of confetti hit him, while Clay – clearly the culprit - giggled. “On the contrary, JD, I think it looks great on you!” he teased.

“Really?” JD said, snickering as he grabbed a handful of lime-colored confetti and flung it Clay. “I gotta admit, green kind of does suit you!”

“Yeah, right!” he laughed, grabbing more confetti and flinging it. Shrieks and colors filled the room, the lighthearted fight escalating to a playful squabble. From his high chair, Branch clapped his hands at the show that his brothers were putting on, thoroughly enjoying it. It was a contrary reaction from another Troll who entered the room.

“All right, boys, settle down now,” Grandma Rosiepuff said, kindly but still with a hint of sternness in her voice that was just enough to make the brothers put a halt to their shenanigans.

“Sorry, Grandma,” Floyd said meekly and slightly hanging his head.

Clay was not so quick to apologize for the fun that he had started. “Sorry not sorry!” he yelled out, whacking a balloon into the air with his hand.

Rosiepuff put her hands on her hips. “Really, young man? Then you better sorry-not-sorry your sorry butt into your room, mister!”

This made Clay stop the jig he was doing. “What?” he gasped. “But I’m too old for a time out!”

“You’re never too old for a time out,” Rosiepuff said, “just like you’re never too old for cake.” She reached into her aquamarine hair and pulled out a scrumptious-looking birthday cake, perfectly intact and decorated with colorful icing, sprinkles, and little pieces of candy. Clay nearly slobbered at the sight of it, along with the other brothers. It was Fluffleberry Surprise - or in other words, the most scrumptious confectionery to ever assault your taste buds. Grandma always knew how to make the best desserts!

“Now, are you going to behave?” she asked them, staring pointedly at the yellow Trolling.

“Yes, Grandma!” Clay said, making sure to respond louder than the other brothers. In an effort to prove it, he sprinted over to the table and sat down with his hands folded neatly in front of him. The others, while not as attentive to detail, did follow the yellow-haired Trolling’s lead and appropriately seated themselves as well, making Grandma Rosiepuff beam in delight.

“Ah, yes. That’s much better,” she said approvingly. Then came the highlight of the celebration, initiated when their grandmother took a match, struck it, and lit it against the wick of the sparkling birthday cake candle – the singing of Happy Birthday itself!

Baby Branch’s large blue eyes widened at the sight of the colorful candle, and the baby squirmed even more in his seat with anticipation once he saw his brothers huddle together. He cocked his head curiously. What were they up to?

It was a question that would not go unanswered for long. With a low hum that progressively increased in pitch with each brother who added his voice – starting with John Dory, then Spruce, then Clay, and then Floyd – a harmonious melody slowly began to fill the air. And if the wordless tune was anything to go by, the youngest BroZone member knew he was in for a treat when the actual lyrics came to flow out of their mouths in a pleasing rhythm.

“Ooohmm…

Happy birthday to yoouu,

Happy birthday to yooouuu,

Happy birthday Baby BraaAaAnch…

Happy birthday to yooouuUUU…”

Anytroll knew that Happy Birthday was one of the simplest songs that there was, but, aside from the change in lyrics based on whose name it was that was being celebrated, the song made itself unique with the manner that the singer (or in this case, singers) could improvise its musical elements and create a sound that would fit his or her own style. This time was no exception, either. BroZone's flare was evident in the way their voices blended seamlessly into each other’s, different but greatly synchronized - with a touch of John Dory's boldness, a dash of Spruce's charm, a hint of Clay's playfulness, and a smidge of Floyd's gentleness – creating a cohesive melody that would have impressed any Troll who listened in. Surely, if someone were to hear them sing this in concert, they would likely get dizzy with the sheer amount of talent that was embodied within the four Trollings. But this was no such occasion. It was their own family affair, so this performance was rightly exclusive to them in that sense. 

Branch clapped his little hands at once, and Grandma was quick to follow.

“Oh, wonderful! Excellent job, boys!”

John Dory pumped a fist. “YEAH!” Then, he scooted by Branch, fondly ruffling his blue hair and showing him the cake. “Well come on, bro, make your wish!”

“But first you gotta blow out your candle, like this!” Clay demonstrated, puffing out right into Spruce’s face, who was displeased at his brother’s chosen aim.

“Hey, genius! You make the wish first then blow out the candle,” he huffed, giving the yellow Trolling a playful smack upside the head. Clay gave him a light slap back, and the two suddenly erupted into a bout of wrestling. 

“Boys,” Grandma called to them again, and they hurriedly straightened up with sheepish smiles.

Baby Branch glanced at the candle and, looking determined, took a big breath and blew a raspberry-like noise, the flame blowing out in an instant!

His brothers had to laugh at the cute display, clapping, and then Floyd leaned towards his youngest brother, wapping one arm around his small shoulders for a side hug. “What’d you wish for, Baby Branch?” he asked.

“I’ll tell ya what,” John Dory said, acting like he knew (per usual). “You want a brand-new rockin’ birthday hairstyle, don’tcha?”

Even if it wasn’t what Branch may have wished for, the baby loved the idea, and babbled excitedly in agreement.

“Awesome!” Spruce exclaimed, also hyped. “Hmm. I’m thinking we could go with ‘The Spruce.’ The fans really liked that one, what do you think?”

He turned to Clay for an opinion, but the yellow-haired Troll shook his head, recalling the smoothed-back look that it would be required to undergo. “Bro, his hair needs to be longer to pull that one off. How ‘bout we give him frosted tips instead?”

Spruce beamed. “Oh-ho, I like that idea even better!” He exchanged a high-fiving handshake combination with Clay in agreement.

“Or we could give him a perm!” John Dory suggested, taking a look at Branch’s hair and already picturing him with the oodles of curly blue on his head. He’d look like a knockout for sure with that!

“That sounds like it’ll be nice,” Floyd shrugged, patting his little brother on the back with a grin.

“All right, now, don’t get too carried away in your ideas,” Grandma gently reminded them. “The last thing we need is to end up having some kind of hair-day disaster - like a bleached perm!” She shuddered to even think of such a thing!

Baby Branch looked up at his Grandma with a little pout, looking somewhat disappointed as if he had wanted just that. She chuckled at him, divvying out the plates of cake slices. “First things first, though… who wants cake?”

They all began chattering at once, eager to get their fill and to then get started on their project. Baby Branch giggled and cooed, belly full of treats and his feelings nothing but happy. While he had never had a birthday before, he in his young mind believed that this had to be his best one yet!

[orewing]

WIND BREAKER Original Soundtrack: Official Lyrics

These were transcribed by me directly from the CD booklet included with the OST; I reviewed them carefully to make sure there aren't any mistakes. Please enjoy!

Upheaval

High in the sky The crows are calling and their wings unfold And now, they fly in circles like they've found a prey to hold Staring cold A bell resounds A blasting welcome portrays in its sound I wonder now What kinda mighty foes will come around Zest's unbound

The curtain unveils a sight I'm unleashing the rage, igniting a fight Position I chase, will be mine Through the gate, move on with my fist I'm set to face all foes, no twist

My unshaken resolve, unwavering rock The sight I pursue's kept away for the strongest one to unlock Rise to the top

Feeling the stares and piercing gazes I'm surrounded here And I don't care I love the tension, pitch-black atmosphere, drawing near

Only might will hold its weight in our realm Are you weaklings or are you strong? Heartbeat uncontrolled, racing on I'll be so ruthless with all foes I'll face

The curtain unveils a sight I'm unleashing the rage, igniting a fight Position I chase, aim assigned Through the gate, move on with my fist I'm set to face all foes, no twist

For my goal, that is above all <<Watch out, stay on guard>> I'll face and conquer my rival <<Watch out, stay on guard>> Today's bound to an upheaval

A Starting Sign

The wind of ease would calmly blow onto days I knew nothing of A battle fought for someone else comprehension's still on pause But emotions deep inside would change as sound was heard Unimagined movement now, I cannot be conquered

There is someone needing my strength There's someone I must now protect

It's getting hotter now, this fighting spirit burns The soul would shake, and emotions turn I stand and stare into this foe in front of me Blaze in your fist every meaning of the fight

A starting sign Denounced and praised

Higher I'll Go

Every enemy in front of me I'll strike down In position for the fight, I feel the time stop Fire's burning from the soul, to the sky And that's the cue to advance, let this ignite

Shall we begin it now, our show time You wanna see how the fight ends Like I'm distorting space, speed defines Attack of the fist forming gusts of wind, now break away

This hurricane

Even in mid-day, dark interference With no choice of home and appearance This is me, what's wrong with that What you keep calling "normal," I don't know what you mean My true worth I now must feel Gotta prove it's fine to be what reveals Walking in my isolation I'll be doing this my way, no room for your disruption

Way stronger, higher I'll go I'll live the life I must know Fist clenched with this heavy load Like it's cracking open the world, here comes my blow

All denial and refusal and rejection Discontinuation of retaliation Solitude has taken feelings astray Affection for tenderness would fade away

Shout it out! So, get up!

This is my Way This is the Way

Even in mid-day, dark interference With no choice of home and appearance This is me, what's wrong with that What you keep calling "normal," I don't know what you mean My true worth I now must feel Gotta prove it's fine to be what reveals Walking in my isolation I'll be doing this my way, no room for your disruption

Way stronger, higher I'll go I'll live the life I must know Fist clenched with this heavy load Like it's cracking open the world, here comes my blow

Way stronger, higher I'll go Hey! Then I'll live the life I'm owed

Stronger

When I wanted to seize my freedom It may've already broken But I don't wanna cease Only wished I'd neared the dream my heart has spoken

Unfolding disarray I couldn't understand what I should have done The colors fade away Why does my heart keep on becoming so cold?

The rain, pouring down from the dark Didn't care, kept walking on the path embarked And focusing hard on the place I wanna reach I even broke and lost what's dear to me

It is so bleak and iced Lone, I can't suffice

To become stronger for somebody Allies together, aligned with me Always remember Protecting someone Allies together Remember that Remember that

At last, found my treasure But it's unfilled, void of what I pursued

I noticed my heart is so dried All the memories I cherish cracked inside It felt unfulfilled, like there was a missing part Although it's been so close, here from the start

It is so warm around Lone, I feel the bounds

To become stronger for somebody Allies together, aligned with me Always remember Protecting someone Allies together Remember that Remember that

The rain subsides Here come the bright skies

Call My Name

Stand clear, volatile, our faces glaring near Why do you stand here? Show what is deep inside, and rooted all throughout Your conviction, unbending, firm and loud

With determination, make your move

The way of life abiding essence Turns doubt into belief Move, show no fear This burning soul shall surface, keep focus Welcoming new strengths outnumbers Just filling in the gaps Those powers couldn't mean nothing at all Come and call my name

Screech of the bones sound, Teeth, you bite down Fist clenched, and drenched in sweat, firm-body strike down Spectators overpowered Temperatures rise in the room They collide, boom! Smirking as they fight now

Being strong, full of power, brings a certain thrill But a dose of, oh, anything uncool can bring me down with chills Carrying out intentions ain't no drill

Taking lies, repainted on with truth Let go, don't accept that impulse with no proof If you don't know how to control your stance Let's keep it going until you understand

A fist you're clenching through deception Has no meaning or use One blow with truth beats sentences Confession, no fiction In this palm resides pain and woes Find answers through what guides Crashed down, look up, receive winds in these skies

The way of life abiding essence Turns doubt into belief Move, show no fear This burning soul shall surface, keep focus Welcoming new strengths outnumbers Just filling in the gaps Those powers couldn't mean nothing at all Come and call my name

Screech of the bones sound, Teeth, you bite down Fist clenched, and drenched in sweat, firm-body strike down Spectators overpowered Temperatures rise in the room They collide, boom! Smirking as they fight now

[elbiotipo]

Was watching some playthroughs of Manor Lords and it's so adictive to just WATCH playthroughs it's cutting on my productivity, I can't imagine how it will be to play it yet. Anyways.

Thinking about "cozy" farming sims and the like. Manor Lords isn't aimed at that kind of stuff at least not explictly, you ARE a feudal lord (you can even walk in first person as one) and those people ARE your serfs. I guess there will be some people who interpret it as that, and let's be honest, the game is so pretty and intuitive, it's just so relaxing to see the forests change seasons, the houses being built, the flowers swaying on the wind. Working like a serf all day, not so much. No doubt peasants in the Middle Ages and all over the world had their moments of rest and respite and joy, but it was (and still is) a hardworking, exploited existence like we are not usually used to.

I think Manor Lords really GETS what a subsistence farming economy was like, at least at the very beginning. and this is really important in my opinion because it was the lifestyle of no less than 90% of the world's population until very recently. And it wasn't like in Stardew Valley where one farmer had a variety of crops all growing in the same tiny farm. In Manor Lords you usually build a small hamlet or village, every home with its own little backyard plot with vegetables, chickens, but it is actual fields what truly feeds and clothes people. The distribution and managing of these fields, and how big they are, is something that changes from society to society, but it's not like there is a single household that is able to feed itself and is able to do everything that a human needs to eat, to get clothed, to be warm in winter and more. They need to have big open fields (or pastures) to do that, where the community puts most of its time and effort maintaining.

So when you think about subsistence farming, you shouldn't think about it as peasants (wherever in the world where they are, as they still exist, why do you think we Latin Americans talk so much about the campesino struggle) owning one small plot of land and feeding their household with it. You should think of them as communities where the main and sometimes only activity is farming, and they do not farm to sell it to a market (though campesino communities can and do produce excess they can sell) but to sustain themselves and their family. They do not especialize in a single crop or industry, nor they have the time or ability to. They plant whatever helps them feed and clothe their family, that is, subsist.

In Manor Lords, you can also "cheat" a bit and get goods by trade, or survive by gathering berries (EXCESSIVELY OP) or hunting. The first was impossible in very remote areas, and the second was impossible in high-density areas. Which means that you can't sustain a community by just gathering berries or having home gardens. Vegetables and fruit CAN and do supplement the diet of people and they make life infinitely more enjoyable (some places like tropical and subtropical America are very blessed in that respect and their crops are very diverse), and indeed most people have those, but it isn't enough to feed you every day. You have to farm to it. And it's a way of life tied to the land and the seasons. You gotta have enough food and firewood before winter (Manor Lords is tied to the European temperate seasons of course, but every region in the world has its own), you gotta prepare the fields, mill the grain and bake the bread, it's all work, work, work, neverending work. There is a reason why some have said agriculture is kind of a "trap" to humanity, it allows you to feed yourself and your family at the cost of being tied to your land forever, and this didn't change until very recently. And again, while of course it's also a life that has its moments of rest (harvest festivals! and all those church days in Europe, but again, every region has its own traditions), it's still work, work, and work more.

I think this is an interesting contrast with other "cozy farming sims" of which are there are a ton, with a single character being able to produce the whole spectrum of human food and a bit more. Manor Lords to me is very interesting because by having its resource and city building in such a small scale as individual families, it captures in a rather realistic (if not completely so) way how subsistence agriculture is, which is the way virtually most of our ancestors (no matter where you are from) lived. To me that's way more interesting than the combat system.

(yes, I've said I didn't play it yet, but I've watched and analyzed so much of it I might as well have 120 hours logged on it)

[breadandblankets]

CivE Duke - inspired by this post by mysterycitrus

This was one of Duke's favorite parts of his job. Not that one, the other one, the civilian one.

"Duke Thomas," his mother had told him when he got his engineer's seal crimp in the mail. "Is every bit Gotham's hero as much as The Signal is."

Every other week it seemed he donned his steel toed boots, hard hat, and high vis and went to look at the bones of some old building.

Most days were sat at his desk in a nice comfy high rise in Old Gotham, eyes glued to the searing white of some ancient as-builts on his screen. (As-builts, especially in Gotham, were more of a suggestion than a rule, his team had started calling them "Maybe-builts" and it fit more than he'd like.)

Gotham, in Duke's experience, had good bones for the most part. Even caked in years and years of grime, asbestos, and mob snitches, there was beauty in pulling away the facade to look at all that union-made bessemer steel.

Today on the chopping block was a Park Row mid-rise, slated for either refurbishment or demolition, all depending on Duke's word.

It wasn't anything even close to the rush of saving a life, but there is a light feeling he gets, knowing that some old structure can be reused.

Duke knows its a little silly to get sad when something old is beyond saving, especially when he signs over it's death.

"It's like a forest fire," his dad had told him once, after he watched his first controlled demolition. "You gotta burn out the dead things so new things can live."

This building though, Duke has a good feeling about it. Or at least that is what he tells his trainee, Ines, while he scans the building with his X-ray vision.

Ines Borja is a bright kid fresh from the hell that is Gotham U's CivE program, she's not a Gotham native but while living here she fell in love with the city (and it's cost of living). According to her, New York isn't much worse, Gotham's just weirder.

Weird is, unfortunately, Duke's bread and butter. They pick through delapidated rooms with crumbling sheet rock with mostly intact concrete encased steel. He spots some areas with crumbling concrete that he points out to Ines, who dutifully takes photos.

"Those are areas we'll need to test for water penetration and corrosion," Duke explains.

He's explaining other testing that will need to be done, radar of the foundation, metallurgical testing, etc, when they hear yelling outside.

For a moment Duke ignores it, but the hard walls carry echos of what's being said.

"I'm not going to ask again, your money asshole!"

The flat thud of a notebook hitting the ground is the last thing Ines hears as Duke takes off like a shot.

His site walk boots are heavy, much much heavier than his Signal boots. They're for protection and insulation from the hard concrete he has to stand on all day. They're so not meant for running, he thinks as he barrels out of the survey site and around the corner.

There are two figures in the alley when he stomps into the scene, slipping his hard hat off. The mugger is on the younger end, thats about all the analysis Duke gets to do before he sees the gun.

It's nice sometimes, Duke things, as he spins like a discus thrower, to fight normal city problems. He's liable to get bogged down in big world ending shit that sometimes its just nice to save a mugging victim.

The reinforced plastic leaves his fingers in a rush, aimed straight and true, slamming into the gun in the mugger's right hand.

Both the mugger and muggee have a moment of shock before Duke slams into the first guy like a freight train, knocking him out of the confrontation and onto the ground.

"I'd advise you sit down for a moment," Duke says to the would-be mugger, flatly. He turns to the shaking older man.

"Sir are you alright," he asks politely.

"I am now," the older man, well dressed but not wealthy in the way that Duke knows people in the town are. "Thank you very much."

"Alright then," Duke says calmly, he fishes in his pockets for one of the many business cards he always keeps on himself. It's for a therapist, and a good one in Duke's opinion. A profession in too short supply in Gotham. "Might be best if you get on with your day, I'll stay with this young gentleman here."

The older man is clearly a true Gothamite, because he doesn't protest, just moves along. Probably not even the most traumatic thing the guy's witnessed in the last year.

Duke turns to young man on the ground, who hasn't moved a muscle from where Duke put him just a second ago.

"Hey man I don't want any trouble."

Ines chooses this moment to catch up, her skin flushed and she's panting, She is still carrying all the gear with her, which no doubt slowed her down.

"Bit late for that yeah?" Duke questions with a raise of his brow, he motions with his chin in the direction of the gun. It's a couple yards off, resting comfortably with his hard hat. "What's your name?"

"David sir, i-its not even loaded, just to scare people a bit," all comes out in a rush, the young man, David, is clearly terrified.

"Hey, I know, it's hard out here," Duke placates. Out of one of the seemingly endless pockets on his work pants he pulls out his wallet. Out comes two more cards and a couple of bills. "Listen, here's fifty bucks, go get yourself something to eat."

"I-"

"Hold on, I'm not done," Duke says. "This is the information for Leslie's clinic down the street, she can help you with a lot, or just point you towards someone who can. If you need anything else this is the Wayne Ent outreach office, the director there is Elaine, tell her Duke sent you."

"You- you're not going to call the cops?" David asks, bewildered.

"And have them do what? You're robbing a man for twenty dollars with a gun that has no bullets," Duke observes. "You clearly don't need jail time you need a hand."

As if to illustrate his point, Duke reaches out to help him up. David hesitates for a split second, before accepting the offered hand.

"Seriously thought," Duke continues. "Leslie and m-Elaine helped me though some of the worst times of my life okay, reach out to them, they can help, you're not in this alone."

David looked like he was about to cry.

"Thank you man, just thank you."

"Just looking out for my fellow man," Duke replies. "Now get going I got work."

David laughs a little at that before shuffling awkwardly by Ines. Duke turns to look at her.

"You are like, officially the coolest boss I've ever had," she tells him seriously.

"No way, didn't your last boss bow hunt wild boar?"

"Yeah but that's jack all compared to my Apparently incredibly based current boss."

Duke chuckles: "You don't even know about my teenage years."

"What, you were doing child anti-cop anarco-communist action?"

"More or less."

"Based as fuck," she says, amazed.

Duke just shrugs.

"My mom always said: never accept the world as it is, make it better. And so I do, so i will."

Duke turns a little, to look back at the mid-rise that will have new life breathed into it sooner or later.

So I will.