#one of my favorite albums is when we were friends by the backseat lovers and a) it's the dios apate album of all time and

[gideonisms]

Do you ever listen to a song and you're like wow what an interesting commentary on gender roles and class and aging and then you look up the band and realize they just probably think the world is like that

[blueskylinesx]

Tomato Red Chapter 3

Parings: Jesse Cash x Female Reader

Warnings/Triggers: Language, anxiety/nervousness, sexual tension, fluff, masturbation, smut, self doubt, friends to lovers.

Summary: The local cafe/bookstore down the street was Jesse's usual hang out spot where he spent hours reading books and working on music. Until one day when he meets a new barista working the bookstore cafe. Suddenly, Jesse's reasons for visiting the bookstore down the road were no longer just for reading and work... but were suddenly meant for much more.

Author’s Note: I intended on having this chapter posted way sooner. I greatly apologize for the delay! This chapter took me a bit longer to write since life kept getting in the way. But, it’s a long one so I hope that makes up for it. 🩵 I used this little clip of Jesse from the ERRA Cure album videos because this is the EXACT look I was going for in this chapter. Enjoy loves!

Tag List: @thefallennightmare @xxkittenkissesxx @collidewiththesav @thatchickwiththecamera @cncohshit @lma1986 @arkiliastuff @lonelydragonlady

If you would like to be added to the tags list let me know! I would be happy to do so!😊

Thank you all SO fucking much for all the support on Tomato Red. It means the absolute world to me. Writing this story has been so fun and helps keep my mind occupied. I love you all so so so much!☕️🍅

JESSE

Holy shit. What was in those orange scones? I thought to myself.

I sat in the backseat of Michael’s car. Holding the paper cup from the cafe in between my hands that rested in my lap. Replaying all of what just happened in my mind while looking out of the window as the familiar buildings and cars passed by. 

Never getting her smile or her beautiful greenish-blue tinted eyes out of my mind. I glanced back down at the cup in my lap and traced my thumb over the black letters that Y/N wrote on the back. A smile spreading across my face every time I read it.

“This is my sister's favorite drink and she’s the only one I make this special for. But, you seem pretty special yourself so this only seemed fitting. I hope you like it. 

P.S that hat looks cute on you.”

Followed by her number that was written out directly underneath it. With a small black flower that she drew next to it.

I usually am never blunt enough to ask a girl for her number. Especially right to her face. Maybe it was the added pressure from the guys or whatever magic Y/N put into those scones. But, whatever it was, I was grateful for the confidence boost it gave me. 

I now have Y/N’s phone number.

“Soooo, you two seemed to be getting pretty cozy over there.” Michaels voice from the driver's seat caused me to look up to meet his gaze in the rearview mirror.

“Did they kiss? I couldn’t tell if they kissed or not.” Jolly asked from the seat next to me.

Oh boy, we just left the cafe only ten minutes ago and they're already starting.

“Nah, I don't think they kissed. I was sitting right in front of Jesse and I definitely would have seen it.” Noah said from the front passenger seat.

“Hey! Do you think maybe you could slide your chair up a few inches man? You’re practically sitting in the backseat with me and Jesse. My legs are starting to cramp.” Jolly interrupted while pushing on the back of Noah’s chair.

Noah reached down to pull the lever from under the seat and used his legs to push the seat further back, slamming into Jolly’s legs.

“Oh, is this better?” Noah asked with a sly smirk on his face.

Jolly responded with a long frustrated sigh, “You’re such a dick.” Then wrapped his legs around the seat, resting his feet onto Noah’s chest, and then swinging both of his arms around the back of his head to rest his head onto them. “Ahhh, this is much better.”

“Dude! You’ve got your fucking shoes on and this is one of my favorite shirts! You’re gonna get Jesus all dirty! Have some respect man!” Noah exclaimed while throwing Jolly’s feet off of him.

“Then move your seat up!”

“Yo! You guys are gonna break my car!” Michael shouted while pulling into the driveway of our house.

“It’s like living with toddlers, I swear. I said as Michael put the car in park. I then turned to grab the door handle and stepped out onto the pavement.

Jolly and Noah were still bickering behind me as I made my way up to the front door. Then inserted my house key into the lock and stepped inside.

“Oh yuck, it’s way too hot in here. Who the fuck touched the AC?” Noah proclaimed while stepping into the house after me and walking over to the thermostat that sat on the wall.

Michael who was now standing next to me threw his hands up, “It was me! I woke up this morning and could see my fucking breath dude. That’s not normal! I’m going to get a cold.”

“Oh quit being a fucking pussy.” Noah responded while clicking the AC back down. “My session with Ash is in thirty minutes and I swear if this thing is touched by the time I get back I’m fucking shit up.” 

I headed towards the staircase to make my way up to my bedroom. Leaving the voices of my bickering roommates to fade into the background. I then made my way down the hall and towards the first door on the right. Grabbing the silver handle of my bedroom door and then stepping inside. 

Once in my room I kicked off my black boots and slid them to the side of the door with my foot. I then set the white paper cup from earlier on the nightstand next to my bed and then plopped down on the mattress before me.

Once situated in bed I turned over to grab my phone out of my back pocket then looked over at the cup sitting next to me on the nightstand.

Opening up the contacts tab of my phone, I clicked the create new contact button. Entering in Y/N’s number and then saving the contact as, "The most beautiful girl in the world.” 

READER

The moment I stepped back behind the counter after speaking with Jesse, Kate was immediately on me. Dying to hear all about mine and Jesse’s conversation and all of the details.

It was Sunday so the cafe and bookstore closed early. It was the only day of the week we closed at 6pm.

Since Sunday’s typically were the slowest day of the week for us Kate always scheduled me and her to close together. 

While we spent the rest of our shifts cleaning up and closing down the cafe, I told Kate all about mine and Jesse’s conversation and how he had asked me for my number. To which I’m sure my face was bright red the entire time.

I then told her about me writing my number on the cup but left out the details about the other note I had written above it. That was for Jesse only. 

“Soooo, do you think he’s going to text you tonight?” Kate asked with anticipation while she was counting down the register drawer.

“I don’t know, but I sure hope so. He seemed really happy after I wrote my number down for him.”

“Well of course he did, Y’N. You’re gorgeous and you’re one of the kindest people I know. He would be dumb to pass up any opportunity with you.”

“That’s very sweet of you but, you’re my sister and you’re supposed to say those things.” I responded back with a chuckle.

“I don’t have to say anything. It's true. You’re not like the other typical girls here in LA. No shade to them, but you have more interests than shopping, Cesar salads, and Starbucks.” 

I let out another chuckle at her response while finishing wiping down the espresso machines. 

“Jesse lucked out by crossing paths with you, Y/N. Like I said before, he would be stupid to pass up something like this. But my gut tells me that Jesse also isn’t like the other typical guys in LA. You know my gut feeling is usually never wrong.”

I hated to admit it but it was true. Kate always had a way of knowing things. I’ve always joked with her about how she chose the wrong degree to pursue and instead of going to school to become an art teacher, she should have gone to school to become a detective.

I also joked with her that if the art teacher thing didn’t pan out, at least she would have a back up plan. She also never found that one very funny either.

My phone suddenly vibrated in my front hoodie pocket and I eagerly pulled it out, almost dropping it onto the floor. 

“Nice catch.” Kate said while she turned to look back over at me after putting the cash from the drawer in the safe envelope.

“Thank you”, I replied back while clicking open my phone to quickly scroll past my Lock Screen and over to my notifications.

Medication Log

This is your reminder to take your 7pm “Birth Control”.

With a disappointing sigh I clicked the button on the side of my phone to turn off the screen and slid it back into my front hoodie pocket. 

“I take it that it wasn't a text from Jesse?” Kate asked while taking off her apron.

“No, just my birth control reminder.” 

“I’m sorry sis, maybe by the time we get back home he’ll send a text? He might not want to come off desperate or anything. He’s a guy, they’re usually always overthinking those kinds of things.” 

Untying my apron and wrapping it over my arm, I turned to click off the cafe lights and then opened the silver door for me and Kate to walk through. 

We then made our way to the back office where we kept our belongings and I grabbed my purse out from under the desk and pulled my car keys out of the front pocket.

Looping them around my finger and then motioning towards the back cafe door and out into the parking lot.

With Kate behind me she turned to insert her cafe key into the lock, double checking and twisting the knob a few times to make sure the door was securely locked before we both headed towards our cars. 

Before opening her car door Kate hollered over at me, “Hey don’t let it get to you too much. He could just be busy or something. When we get home I’ll order us a pizza and we can watch those cheesy paranormal investigation shows you love so much.”

“Yeah”, I sighed into my car door. “You’re right, he’s probably just busy or something. But pizza sounds good. I follow you tonight on the way home?” I asked before finally opening my car door to sit inside.

“Sounds like a plan!” Kate yelled out from her window before starting her car and backing out of the parking space. 

I inserted and turned the keys into the ignition and then backed out of the parking space to follow behind Kate towards our apartment.

READER

Once me and Kate got back home I immediately headed towards my bedroom. Thankfully my bathroom was attached to my room so once I was inside I stripped myself out of my coffee scented work clothes. 

Tossing them into the hamper inside my closet and then making my way to the bathroom to turn the shower on, twisting the handle all the way to the hot side.

Before getting undressed I had set my phone on my nightstand and plugged it into the charger. Hopeful that I would receive a text from a certain someone. So I wanted to make sure my battery was fully charged. Just in case.

I pulled the shower curtain back once the bathroom was filled up with enough steam letting me know the water was hot. I then stepped inside and let the water run over my back and my face.

When my eyes shut I immediately envisioned Jesse’s face in my mind. 

I began to wonder what it would be like if he was here, in the shower with me right now. How he would look standing in front of me, completely naked, while the hot water dripped down the tattoos that covered his skin.

My hands began to lower from my face and slowly down my neck making way to my chest. The thoughts kept coming, each time growing louder and louder, all filled with Jesse.

How if he were here he’d have his arms wrapped around me, leaving kisses all over my shoulders and back. Holding me tightly against him while our bodies molded perfectly to each other.

Then how he’d have me pinned up against the tiled wall, holding me up with both of his hands on my ass, fucking ruthlessly into me. The both of us moaning into each other's mouths while the hot water continues to fall on both our bodies.

My hands now past my breasts sliding further down my core and making their way to my pussy. I slipped two fingers between my folds and I was soaked. These thoughts of Jesse alone set both my heart and my pussy on fire.

I inserted both fingers inside of me and began to pump them in and out while continuing to picture Jesse having his way with me. How he’d slap my ass and bite my neck, and how I would lightly scratch my nails into his back and tug on his curls while his cock stretched me open. 

My fingers moved faster and faster and I could feel my core tightening. I bit my bottom lip and desperately wished that it was Jesse’s fingers inside of me right now rather than my own. 

Feeling my release building up I let out a moan while my orgasm shook through me. My legs almost buckling out from under me.

It had been a long time since I last masturbated. With all the hours I was working at the cafe I was always too tired to even think about pleasuring myself these last few weeks. 

“This man is going to be a problem.” I said out loud to myself while pulling the shower head down from the holder. 

I began to run the water over the rest of my body so I could finally begin washing my hair and my body. 

JESSE

Noah came back from his session with Ash about two hours ago. While he was gone Michael, Jolly, and I played Grand Theft Auto out on the living room TV.

All of us seated on the couch laughing together, spending way too long putting in cheat codes to fall out of the sky and trying to land into the swimming pools.

Michael had mentioned ordering Chinese food earlier so I sent Noah a text asking if wanted anything. 

Which ended up working out since the martial arts academy where Noah trains is in the same complex as the Chinese restaurant we always order from. So he was able to walk next door and grab the food before coming back home. 

All of us were seated in the kitchen. Noah was sitting on top of the counter still in his kickboxing shorts and black tee shirt from his session earlier. Michael sat on the island countertop across from Noah in just a pair of blue and white plaid pajama pants. 

Jolly and I sat at the kitchen table together. Jolly was also wearing a pair of solid black pajama pants and a white tank top. I had changed into a pair of blue sweatpants and a gray tee shirt earlier before coming down to play GTA with the boys. 

“So Jesse, have you texted Y\N yet?” Noah asked while taking a bite out of his lo-mein.

I’ve been thinking about texting her since the second I got into the backseat of Michael’s car.

“No not yet, I know she was busy at work and I didn’t want to be a bother. I think the cafe closes around nine or ten? So I was waiting until around then to shoot her a text.” 

“My guy!” Jolly shouted with his mouth full from the egg roll he just bit into. “Smart to text her when she isn’t distracted. That way you can get a better conversation going.”

“For once Jolly is making sense.” Michael started with a laugh. “I’m proud of you Jesse. She seems really into you man and you both seemed real into each other back at the cafe. I can’t remember a time when you weren’t out in public somewhere shaking with nerves.”

“I’m not always shaking with nerves when I’m out in public.”

“Being on stage with ERRA doesn’t count man.” Jolly chimed in.

“Hey that’s different Jolly you know that.” Noah stated while going to take another bite of his fried rice.

I brushed a hand over my face before going back in to take a bite of my wonton soup. “Gee guys, thanks for the pep talk.”

“We’re just giving you a hard time Jess. Seriously we’re super stoked for you man. She seems like a cool girl and you two really hit it off.” Michael said while hopping down off the counter and placing the lid back on top of his chicken chow mein.

“Thanks man, she is a super cool girl and I can’t wait to talk to her and learn more about her.” 

“Just take it slow, I know you know what you’re doing. But take it from me dude, don’t jump into something super fast without really analyzing the situation from all points.” Noah added.

“I appreciate all the words of advice and encouragement guys. Seriously. Even though you all get on my goddamn nerves I love you and it’s nice to share a space with you all sometimes.”

“Sometimes?!?!l" Jolly blurted out with his mouth still full of food. “Don’t act like I’m not your favorite roommate Jess. Who else would jump off the roof with you and into the pool at 3am?”

“That’s very true. Noah was too busy getting his beauty sleep and Michael was too much of a pussy to step out onto the roof.”

“Hey! It had rained earlier that day and the roof was wet. I was not about to put myself in a dangerous situation where I could have slipped and potentially died.” Michael responded while throwing his hands up.

“Such a drama queen.” I said with a laugh.

I clicked the lid back onto the wonton soup that was left over in the container. Then I made my way towards the fridge to set the container of soup inside on the top shelf next to the other items of food that were mine.

“Well, it’s time for this old man to get to bed.”

“You mean to go text Y/N?” Noah responded.

With a smile on my face and a roll of my eyes I turned from my three roommates and made my way out of the kitchen and back into the front room to ascend up the stairs and towards my bedroom. 

“Have fun!!” The three of them all called out from the kitchen.

Making my way back into my room, I pulled my phone out from my pocket and pulled up Y/N’s contact. Clicking on the message bubble underneath her contact photo, working my fingers against the screen to type out a message. 

I then sat down in my black office chair and set my phone screen side up on the desk before me. Then I rolled the chair over to grab my red Ibanez guitar off the stand to play a few notes to keep my anxious mind occupied while I awaited a response back.

READER

Finishing with washing my body I turned to shut the shower off. Wringing the water out from my hair before stepping onto the black bath mat.

I reached over to the towel rack and grabbed my lavender colored hair towel bending over to wrap my hair up first. Once my hair was securely wrapped I then grabbed the larger green towel to wrap around my body. 

Once covered I made my way to the sink and did my nighttime face routine. Finishing it off brushing my teeth and with a garggle of mouth wash. 

I then opened the bathroom door fully and stepped out into the chilly air of my bedroom. The goosebumps casting over my body being a definite sign Kate had already set the thermostat down to the usual temperature of Alaska for the night.

I walked over to my dresser to open the smallest drawer on the top that was filled with all my panties. Grabbing the first pair on top which was a sheer black thong. I then bent down to the third drawer which was filled with all my t-shirts and pulled out an old oversized rainbow tie dye shirt I got forever ago back in Florida.

Then finished my nighttime pajama set with a pair of fluffy pink socks to help keep my toes from going numb in the middle of the light.

Before making my way into bed I grabbed my phone off the nightstand that was sitting face down. I took a deep breath before turning it over to click the screen on. A text notification suddenly showing up across the top of the screen from a number I didn’t recognize.

Was this him?

With my heart beat picking up pace I scrolled up on my Home Screen and clicked the text notification to pull up the text thread. 

From Unknown Number: Hey you, I was going to text you earlier but I figured you were busy with work. Hopefully it’s not too late and I didn’t wake you. I just couldn’t stop thinking about you and those delicious orange scones. Hope to hear back from you soon. - Jesse😊

A giant smile spread across my face as I quickly saved Jesse’s number to my phone. Then eagerly typed back my response.

Y/N: Hey, I’m sorry for responding back late. I was in the shower and just now got out and saw your text. Work thankfully wasn’t too busy after you guys left. Sundays are usually pretty easy since we close at 6 and it’s always me & Kate closing. But, I’m definitely going to have to make a mental note to make an extra plate of orange scones, just for you.😉

JESSE🌺: You don’t ever have to apologize for responding late. Admittedly, I’m a bad texter myself so I totally get it. But, I’ll try to make a habit out of becoming better, especially now that I’m texting you. Also will definitely be looking forward to my own special plate of Y’N scones.

Y/N: You know how to make a girl blush, Jesse. I’m glad you liked the scones. Did the matcha latte come to meet the same standards? You can be honest…

JESSE🌺: I’ve never had a matcha latte before today and I honestly didn’t even know what that was. But, I will never order any other drink again. Hands down the best latte I’ve ever had. Thank you for helping me get outside the box and trying something new.

God, this man was making my heart flutter. I swear it could have beaten right out of my chest.

Y/N: Are you sure? Or are you just saying that to try to get on my good side?🤔

JESSE🌺: Wait. Was I not on your good side before?🥺

Y/N:  Hmm…Well, as long as you keep coming to see me then yes, I’d say that you’re on my good side, Jesse.

JESSE🌺: Are you working tomorrow? I’m craving an orange scone and a matcha latte… and another face to face conversation with the beautiful girl that made them for me.

My cheeks instantly flushed pink and I could feel the warmth building from within them. My stomach was doing flips and every time a new message from Jesse came through I would let out a little squeal. I forgot what it felt like to feel like this for someone. Jesse made me giddy with excitement and every time I talked to him, I just couldn’t help but smile the entire time. 

I took a deep breath in an attempt to help calm my nerves before texting Jesse back.

Y/N: I’m actually off tomorrow, which is a miracle.  I worked the last three weekends straight to help Kate out with the morning bakes so she promised to give me this weekend off. 

I bit my bottom lip and let my fingers dance over the keyboard of my phone. Feeling braver than normal, I  typed out another text and quickly hit send before allowing myself to overthink the situation and backing out.

Y/N: But, I don’t have any plans or anything. If you wanted to maybe catch up for a bit, if you’re free?

Oh god. Was that too forward? Is he going to think that I’m weird? Already asking to hang out outside of the cafe only after our two short conversations. I shouldn’t have sent the second text. I got too confident and now I probably blew it.

My phone suddenly buzzed against my chest and I eagerly flipped it over to open the incoming text message.

JESSE🌺: Did you read my mind? I was just going to ask you if you wanted to go grab lunch together since you aren’t working. Do you like sushi?

My giant smile instantly returned.

Y/N: Great minds think alike I guess! But yes, I love sushi!😊

JESSE🌺: There’s this really great sushi place that’s a few minutes from my place. Me and my roommates eat there all the time and it’s one of my favorite spots in all of LA. If you’d like I can pick you up and we could ride over together? If you’re comfortable of course.

Another squeal left my mouth and I excitedly tapped away my response.

Y/N: That’s very kind of you, Jesse. I would love to ride over together! What time should I be ready?

JESSE🌺: I can pick you up at 11:30? Then we’d make it there right on time at noon for lunch. If that works for you.😊 

Y/N: 11:30 is perfect! I’m looking forward to it!

JESSE🌺: Me too, and I was already having a hard time keeping you off my mind… Now I’ll be up all night counting down the hours until I’m seeing you again.

Y/N: You really are a charmer, Jesse. I’ll be counting down the hours until I see you again too, handsome. Thank you again for inviting me out.🥰

JESSE🌺: Anytime, gorgeous. I hope you have sweet dreams. I’m going to attempt to force myself to go to sleep so that the time goes by quicker. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow.

Y/N:  Sweet dreams to you too, Jesse. I can’t wait to see you tomorrow as well. Good night.❤️

I rolled over on my side to face my nightstand once again. Grabbing my charger off the top and inserting it into the bottom of my phone to charge.

I opened up my alarm app and set an alarm for 9am to ensure I had plenty of time to wake up and get ready for tomorrow. 

With my alarm set, I rolled back over in bed, kicking my feet under the covers with excitement. The cold air that filled my room suddenly forced itself under the covers once I kicked my feet and I immediately tucked the blankets back underneath me in a makeshift cocoon. 

With one arm lazily laying on the pillow above my head I closed my eyes, with a big smile still spread across my face, and attempted to fall asleep so I could be greeted with the sight of Jesse once again. 

JESSE

Holy fuck. I did it, I’m taking Y/N out for lunch tomorrow.

Throughout texting with Y/N I had made my way back over and into my bed. I was tucked under my dark green comforter and my room was casted in a cozy glow from the red lava lamp that sat atop my dresser.

Me and Y/N had spent the last few hours texting back and forth. Her last message came through at almost 1am.

I laid here in bed in an attempt to drift off to sleep once I shut my eyes. But, my mind kept wandering back to that first text message I had received from her.

“Hey, I’m sorry for responding back late. I was in the shower and just now got out and saw your text. Work thankfully wasn’t too busy after you guys left. Sundays are usually pretty easy since we close at 6 and it’s always me & Kate closing. But, I’m definitely going to have to make a mental note to make an extra plate of orange scones, just for you.😉”

One specific part replaying in my mind.

“I was in the shower.”

Fuck. It’s not right to be thinking those thoughts about her. What would she think if she knew that the last few hours while talking with me, I couldn’t help myself from picturing what she looked like standing there, with the warm water running down her naked form. 

I shook my head in an attempt to keep the thoughts out.

But it was unsuccessful. They immediately came crawling right back the second I closed my eyes again. I could feel my cock twitching underneath the covers from within my briefs.

What was this hold she had over me? No other girl has ever consumed me like she does. She’s intoxicating and my soul longs to get its fix, never fully satisfied, always desperately longing for more. 

More time with her, more conversations with her, more of her in general. 

Images of Y/N standing bare in the shower kept flashing in my mind. Water running down her slender form, the steam casting a warm glow all over her body. 

I licked my lips at the thought alone. Wishing so desperately this vision was real. That I was standing there in that shower with her.

My eyes tracing over every single curve. Dragging my hands over her entire form and leaving sweet kisses all over her body. 

My cock was hard and I could feel it pressing even harder against my briefs. Begging for release. 

I ran my hand under the covers, pulling my cock out, and firmly grasped it, beginning to slowly stroke up and down. 

Grunts creeped out of my mouth as I continued to stroke my cock up and down. Taking my thumb to brush along the top, gathering the precum that was oozing out of the slit.

I pictured myself behind Y/N, having her bent over with both of her hands placed on both sides of the tub, bare ass up in the air for me as the warm water fell over both of our bodies.

My hands gripping the sides of her hips and as I dig my fingertips into her to keep my grip. 

Her breasts motioning back and forth from me fucking her from behind, droplets of water falling from her nipples and onto the tub below us. 

Y/N’s soft moans echoing off of the bathroom walls, sounding like pure bliss to my ears. With the sounds of our skin smacking against each other. 

“Oh god Jesse. Your cock feels so fucking good inside of me.”

I smack her ass, leaving a light pink hand print on the side of her left ass cheek. 

My strokes getting faster now and my breathing becoming erratic. My heart was pumping with adrenaline and I knew it wouldn’t be much longer before my release spilled into my hands.

My stomach began to tighten and my orgasm seconds away from completely overtaking me.

“YO JESSE!” Three loud bangs to the front of my bedroom door. 

I sprang up in my bed, knocking the sheets off of me and onto the floor, my heart almost falling right out of my ass. 

“We know your ass isn’t asleep! Whenever you’re done in there texting your little crush get your ass downstairs! Noah wants to rewatch Game Of Thrones!” Michael shouted from the opposite side of my door.

“Uhh, uh, yeah, just give me a minute and I’ll be down there.” 

“Why do you sound so out of breath? Oh no, don’t tell me… GUYS I THINK JESSE IS BEATING HIS MEAT!!”

Just like that, my dignity was gone along with my orgasm. 

“Fuck off! I was just tidying up my room and the sheets were giving me a hard time. The top right corner kept coming off.” I replied while still trying to catch my breath.

“Riiiiiiight. Well we’ll be on the couch waiting while you get your dick back in your pants.”

“My dick is in my pants idiot.” I replied while pulling my sweatpants back up my legs and over my briefs. 

With a long sigh I quickly patted down my messy bed ridden hair and adjusted my shirt. With everything back in order and my breathing back to normal I headed over towards my bedroom door and opened it. Being greeted by Michael who was leaning against the wall with a sly smirk on his face.

Ignoring him, I immediately turned towards the staircase and made my way down to the front room where my two other roommates were laying on the couch with the Game Of Thrones opening playing on the TV.

READER

My alarm abruptly woke me from my deep sleep. I turned over to silence it and to look at the time. The clock read back 9am.

I set my phone back down on the nightstand before me and stretched out my arms above my head and let out a long yawn. 

Mine and Jesse’s text messages replaying in my mind from last night. 

I finally rolled out of bed, the excitement of mine and Jesse’s lunch date giving me all the energy I needed to not snooze my alarm another four times like usual.

I sprang over to my closet and clicked on the light switch. Rummaging through all my clothes on the hangers before me. I wanted to make sure my outfit was perfect for today. 

Something that would be cute and show effort, but nothing too crazy that made me look like I was trying too hard. 

I finally came across one of my short black dresses and I pulled it out to take a full look at it. Not remembering the last time I had worn it. Which was a real shame because I had forgotten how much I loved this dress. 

I turned to the opposite side of the closet where I kept my long sleeves and sweaters hung. I reached for a white turtleneck long sleeve. I wanted to pair it with the dress to look a little more formal for a lunch date. 

With the dress and shirt both in my hands I made my way back out to my bedroom and tossed them on the bed. I then made my way over to my dresser along the wall and reached into my sock drawer to pull out a pair of black sheer tights. 

Walking back over to my bed, I quickly undressed out of my oversized shirt and socks from last night and began dressing in the clothes before me. 

With everything on I walked over to my black sticker covered mirror that hung on the wall beside my closet. 

Taking a good once over at my outfit. I was happy with how everything looked. I then made my way back into my closet to pull out my black platform doc marten boots. 

Grabbing a pair of high black socks out of my dresser and putting them on before slipping into my doc’s.

My outfit now finally complete. I made my way into my bathroom and brushed my teeth and settled on putting my hair into a braid. It was a warmer day in LA today and with the longsleeve and tights I knew it would be too hot to wear it down. 

Once back into my bedroom I decided to throw on some jewelry. I opened the small jewelry box that sat on top of my dresser and grabbed out a few silver rings and a simple silver chain necklace. I then grabbed out a pair of my black dangle flower earrings and did one last look over in the mirror. 

Adjusting my hair to sit on my right shoulder, I smoothed down my dress and then grabbed my black bag off the hook from the back of my bedroom door. Then sprayed myself all over with my coconut vanilla body mist. 

Before grabbing the door handle I quickly checked my phone. The time now showing 10:15am. I let out a small nervous breath and shook out the nerves before finally opening my door and stepping out into the hallway. 

I ended up falling asleep after texting Jesse so I never made it back out to watch Ghost Adventures with Kate last night. 

Thankfully she worked this morning so I was able to avoid her wrath until later tonight when I got back home. 

I walked over to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water out from the fridge. Taking a few sips to help with the nervous knots that were forming in my stomach. 

My text tone suddenly went off from my phone in the front pocket of my purse. I reached in to grab it and pulled it out to be greeted with a text message from Jesse showing across the screen.

Those giddy butterflies suddenly forming again. 

JESSE🌺: Good morning, gorgeous. I just wanted to let you know that I’m walking out my front door and heading to my car now. Could you text me your address?

The excited squeals also came back as I typed out my address and hit send.

JESSE🌺: GPS says I should be there in 15! Looking forward to lunch with you. See you soon.😊

Y/N: Looking forward to lunch with you too, handsome. Thank you again for coming to pick me up. See you soon!🩵

JESSE

Letting out a deep breath I inserted my keys into the ignition and turned on the car. The AC immediately blasting me in the face. 

I reached over to the center console below the touch screen radio and twisted the AC knob down a few clicks. 

With Y/N’s address loaded up on my phone, I reached for my phone chord and plugged it in to showcase the GPS on the center screen before me. 

Before clicking go, I did a quick look over in the rear view mirror and adjusted my hair. Making sure my curls were in order. 

I patted down the gray corduroy botton up that I layered over one of my white t-shirts and dusted off a few pieces of lint from the top of my jeans. 

Finally hitting go on the maps app on my phone the directions loaded up onto the screen and I put my car in reverse to back out of the driveway and onto the street. 

Y/N’s place was only a fifteen minute drive from my house. 

I pulled into her apartment complex, driving through the street slowly to make sure I didn’t pass up her building. The nerves now starting to set in. 

What if she decides not to come out? Is my outfit okay? Should I have worn something else? Is my cologne strong enough? I hope I smell okay…

Shaking the thoughts out in an attempt to clear my head I appeared in front of Y/N’s apartment building. Parking in one of the guest spots out front. 

I reached over for my phone and pulled up her contact to send her a quick text message letting her know that I was outside. 

Y/N: Coming down now!😊

Oh shit. She’s coming. This is actually happening. 

Letting out another deep breath I clicked the unlock botton for the doors and anxiously waited for her to make her way into the parking lot while nervously tapping my hands on my knees.

When all of a sudden she appeared out from the staircase in the center of the building. The sunlight bouncing off of her hair that she put into a braid, resting on her shoulder. 

Her pale skin glistened with every step she took and the black dress she wore hugged her body perfectly. The black sheer tights wrapped around her toned legs and I licked my lips at the sight of her. She was fucking beautiful. 

As she neared closer I quickly reached for my door handle and stepped out of my car. Making my way over to the passenger side to open the door for her. 

The bouquet of pink flowers I had purchased earlier this morning rested on the passenger seat. 

“Hey you!” Y/N said with a smile on her face as she came up next to me. “You didn’t have to get the door for me Jesse, I feel bad that you had to get out of the cool AC.”

I returned a smile back to her. “I would never make a girl as gorgeous as you open the door while I just sat inside the car.” 

Y/N bent down, her face lighting up as soon as she saw the flowers sitting in the seat. “Oh my gosh Jesse, are these for me?”

“Yeah, I hope it’s not too much. I saw them today when I was out doing some grocery shopping with my roommates. That shade of pink is one of the most beautiful I’ve seen and it reminded me of you.” 

I swallowed hard, hoping that what I just said didn’t sound weird. But it was true, I meant every word. 

With Y/N now sitting in the seat with the flowers resting in her lap I closed the door behind her and made my way back over to the driver's side. Climbing in and pulling my seatbelt down over me. 

“Jesse, thank you so much. These are beautiful!” Y/N brought the flowers up to her nose to take a small whiff. “And they smell incredible.” 

“You don’t have to thank me. If anything I should be thanking you for giving me the pleasure of taking you out to lunch today.” I pulled up the address of the sushi place on my phone and put it on the center console screen. 

As I put the car in reverse I glanced back over at Y/N who was sitting with her legs crossed. Her legs looked so sexy in those tights and thoughts of rubbing my hands over her thighs quickly rushed into my brain. 

This was the first time I had seen her outside of the cafe and the first time her legs weren’t hidden behind her usual work attire. It was driving me crazy. 

“I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but you look absolutely beautiful Y/N.” 

She looked over at me and I could feel her gaze casting against the side of my cheek as I stared at the road before me. Both hands nervously gripping the steering wheel. 

“That’s very sweet Jesse. I hope you don’t mind me saying this either, but you look very handsome. I really like that shirt on you.” 

I wasn’t sure if her licking her lips after saying that was real or if I had imagined it. However, it didn’t help the thoughts that kept creeping into the back of my mind. Or the temptation of stealing glances at her crossed legs. 

I could feel my cock starting to get hard from under my jeans and I adjusted in my seat in an attempt to hide it. 

The AC caused a few of her stray hairs to blow around and as she tucked them behind her ears I began to pick up on the smell of her vanilla coconut perfume. The same scent that hit me like a ton of bricks the first time she walked past me that first day I saw her. 

“Is the AC okay? I asked while clearing my throat. “If it’s too hot or too cold I can adjust it.” 

“Oh no, it’s perfect actually.”

She was perfect.

“I seriously can not thank you enough Jesse, for all of this. This is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

I made a left turn to pull into the parking lot and pulled into one of the spots directly out front of the sushi restaurant. 

“You don’t have to thank me, Y/N. Seriously, it’s the least that I could do. I can’t thank you enough for coming to get sushi with me. I’ve been looking forward to this since you agreed last night.

 I put the car in park and clicked off my seatbelt. After turning the car off I reached for the door handle and stepped outside onto the pavement. Then I made my way around the car and back at the passenger side to open Y/N’s door. 

“Do you think the flowers will be ok in the car while we eat?” She asked while stepping out and flattening down her dress. 

“We shouldn't be in there for too long so they should be fine.” 

“Okay, they’re just so beautiful I don’t want anything to happen to them.” She said with a light giggle and then placed the flowers gently back down in the seat. Then reached for the seatbelt and clicked it over the bouquet. 

“There. That way they’re extra secure.” 

She was the cutest damn thing.

I closed the door behind her and motioned towards the door of the restaurant before us. 

“Have you ever been here before?”

Y/N walked right next to me, our arms gently brushing against each other as we inched closer to the front door of the restaurant.

“No, never. This will be my first time so I’m super excited.”

A warm feeling crept over me knowing that this will be Y/N’s first time eating here and that it was with me. This was one of my usual go-to places and I was happy to be the first one she was going to experience it with. 

I reached for the door handle and pulled the door open with my hand hovering over Y/N’s back as she stepped inside. The cool breeze from the AC once again blew her scent into me. My mouth always watering from the smell of vanilla coconut. 

“Table for two?” The young lady from behind the counter asked as we approached the hostess stand. 

“Yes please.” I replied.

She grabbed two menus out from the menu holder beside her and motioned for us to follow behind her. 

Me and Y/N yet again walking side by side as our arms gently grazed up against one another. 

The lady set the menus down on the table before us. “Your server will be over shortly.” 

“Thank you.” I let Y/N climb into the booth first, picking which side she preferred. Once she was seated, I scooted into the booth opposite of her. I thought about sitting on the same side as her, but worried that may be too much for our first time hanging out together. 

I didn’t want to do anything to make her uncomfortable or to overstep any boundaries. 

Y/N picked the menu off of the table, “Oh my gosh, everything here looks delicious.” She then flipped the menu over to the back, “They even have gyoza! I can already tell I’m going to love this place.”

“Yeah, their gyoza is really good! I used to get it all the time but I could never finish it by myself so I always ended up giving the rest to one of my roommates.”

“Would you wanna share an order with me?” She asked while peering up from the menu.

I looked up to meet her gaze, “Yeah, I’d love to.” 

Our server suddenly appeared at our table and laid out a stack of napkins before us, “Sorry for the wait guys, I just got double sat so I’m trying to get caught up. Thank you for being so patient. My name is Amanda and I’ll be your server this afternoon. What can I get you two to drink?” 

“Oh, no worries at all! Could I have a sweet tea please?” Y/N asked.

“Ok one sweet tea and would you like lemon?”

“No thank you.”

“What can I get for you, sir?” Amanda turned her gaze away from Y/N to now look at me.

“Can I have a Coke please?”

“Alrighty one Coke. Did you guys want to start with any appetizers?”

“Yes please, we wanted to do an order of the gyoza.” I replied back. 

“Would you guys like them steamed or fried?”

I glanced over at Y/N, “ladies choice.”

Y/N smiled and a slight pink hue flushed to her cheeks, “Hm, I think I’m feeling rebellious today, let’s go with fried.”

“Ok so I’ve got one sweet tea with no lemon, a Coca Cola, and an order of fried gyoza. That sound right?”

“Perfect.” I answered.

“Alright I’ll go put the gyoza in and I’ll be right back with your drinks.”

Amanda stuffed her server book into the front pocket of her apron before heading back over to the kitchen.

“It’s so cute in here, I can’t believe I’ve never checked this place out before! Especially since it’s right down the road from mine and Kate’s apartment.”

I looked around at all the Japanese themed decor and the large bonsai tree that sat in the center of the restaurant.

“Yeah it is huh? I typically order take out whenever I eat here so I sort of forgot how this place looks from the inside. Kinda feels like this is my first time here too.” I joked.

Amanda appeared back at the table with our drinks and set them down before us with two straws. “Your gyoza will be out in just a few. Have we decided on what we are having for lunch?”

“Ladies first.” I motioned over towards Y/N.

“Can I please do one of the California rolls and then one of the spicy tuna rolls?” 

“Good choice.” Amanda said while writing Y/N’s order down. “How about you, sir?”

“I’ll also do one of the California rolls and one of the spicy salmon rolls please.” 

“Also another good choice. Anything else or will that be it?” Amanda asked with a click of her pen.

“I think that will do it for us.” I answered back. 

Amanda grabbed our menus off the table. “Alright we will have that right out for you. Your gyoza should be about ready now I’m gonna go check on it.”

Amanda reappeared a few moments later and set the plate of gyoza down in front of us. “Here you go, enjoy!”

“Thank you so much.” Me and Y/N both said at the same time.

Me and Y/N both reached for one of the gyoza’s and our hands brushed against one another. The warmth of her skin sent a shiver down my spine. 

Y/N glanced up at me with those beautiful eyes and I swallowed hard. I couldn’t believe someone as beautiful as her was sitting before me right now. She made it hard to breathe.

I still don’t know what I did in this life to get so lucky to have Y/N cross my path. But whatever it was, I will spend eternity giving all my thanks. 

Y/N was easily the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid my eyes on. The fact that I was sitting across from her and eating lunch with her right now still never fully set in. 

She was way out of my league and I knew that I couldn’t do anything to fuck up whatever this could potentially be. 

“Holy shit, this is the best thing I’ve ever put in my mouth.” 

I looked up from the plate of gyoza to see Y/N chewing with the biggest smile across her face. “I’m glad you like them.”

“Jesse, this is hands down the best gyoza I’ve ever eaten. Thank you so much for bringing me here.”

I laughed at her comment and the cuteness of her cheeks puffing out from the gyoza she had shoved in them. “Anytime, especially if it’s with you.”

READER

My cheeks burned from how much blushing I’ve been doing the last few hours I’ve spent with Jesse.

Our sushi orders came out earlier and we both were just about finished with our meal. “Ugh, I’m absolutely stuffed.” I said while holding a hand over my stomach.

“Agreed I ate way too much, but it’s just so good I couldn’t stop.” Jesse replied back. 

Our server Amanda went to go grab us boxes so we could take home the leftovers.

Jesse had his hand up on the table and I had spent the entire time stealing glances down at his hands. The way his fingers would tap against the table made my pussy clench. He had the sexiest hands I’ve ever seen and I desperately wanted them all over me. 

My phone started ringing from inside my purse, causing me to break sight from Jesse’s fingertips. I reached in and pulled it out. Kate’s contact photo appearing on the screen. 

“I’m so sorry, Kate is calling me. Do you mind if I take it?”

“Of course. You don’t ever have to ask permission Y/N.”

I clicked on the green answer button bringing the phone up to my ear. 

“Hello?”

“So Jasmine called out tonight, of course, but before you have a heart attack, don’t worry. I’m not calling you to ask you to come in. I’m just gonna stay and close with Kristina and get my overtime pay. But I just wanted to let you know that I won’t be home until later tonight.”

“Oh shit, are you sure you’re okay with staying and closing Kate? You’ve been there since four this morning. There’s no one else you can call to come in?”

“Unfortunately no, the only person I could call in would be Tyler but he already worked this morning and I know he won’t come back and work a double.” Kate then let out a frustrated sigh. “But whatever, it’s fine. The overtime pay will get me through it.”

I glanced over at Jesse who was now putting both of our left over food into the to go boxes. 

“I’m so sorry sis. If you need anything at all just text or call me.”

“I will Y/N, but I’ll be fine. It’s nothing I haven’t done before. Just one of the awesome perks that comes with being a manager. But I gotta go, Kristina is out on the floor by herself so I better go make sure she isn’t burning the place down. I’ll see you later tonight. Love you.”

“Love you too.” I replied back before pulling the phone from my ear to disconnect the call. 

“Everything okay?” Jesse asked.

“Yeah, Kate got stuck having to close the cafe tonight. She’s been there since four this morning so she’s not too happy about it.”

“Oh shit, that sucks. If you need to go and help her out I totally understand. I can drop you off at the cafe if you need me to.”

“You’re so sweet to offer, Jesse. Thank you. But I couldn’t work tonight even if I wanted to. If I did it would put me in overtime and since I’m not a manager I’m not allowed to work any hours over my usual forty.” 

Our server Amanda came back to the table and laid the bill upside down. “Take your time no rush! I’ll come back whenever you guys are ready.”

Jesse grabbed the bill and pulled his wallet out from his back pocket. He grabbed his card and handed it along with the receipt back to Amanda.

“Jesse what are you doing?” I asked with an eyebrow raised. “Why did you pay the bill?”

“I already told you, it’s the least I can do for you giving me the pleasure to take such a beautiful girl out to lunch with me.”

“I hope you know I’m paying you back.” I said while reaching into my purse to pull out my wallet.

“Well, what are you doing after this?” 

I glanced back up at him, “Well, Kate is going to be gone all night so I’ll just be sitting at home by myself. It does get kind of creepy there at night though…”

A thought popped into my head and I wanted to take advantage of being able to spend more time with him.

“If you wanted, you could come back to the apartment with me. It would make me feel a lot safer with someone else being there. We could hang out on the couch, maybe watch a movie? Only if you’re comfortable! No pressure of course.”

Jesse stared straight into my eyes now. My heart began to pick up pace and my fingertips tingled with anticipation. 

“If it gets me more time with you, I’d love nothing more. As long as you’re okay with it.”

Amanda came back to the table and handed Jesse’s card to him. “Thank you guys so much. You both have a great day and come back soon.”

Jesse wrote his signature down on the receipt and I went to stop him before he wrote down an amount on the tip line. 

“You paid for lunch, at least let me get the tip.”

“Not a chance.” Jesse responded while going back to finish writing out the tip amount on the receipt.

“You’re a stubborn one, Jesse.” I said with a smirk on my face. 

“You know, that’s not the first time someone has told me that. You can make it up to me with a promise of more orange scones to come.” He responded back with a wink. 

Jesse then pushed up off the table with both hands standing up out of the booth and took a step to stand directly in front of where I was sitting. 

He then put his hand out, “You ready to get outta here?”

I reached for his hand and he helped me up out of the booth. “Thank you, Jesse.” His hand was softer this time but as warm as ever. 

My hand fit perfectly inside of his, like it was meant to be there. When he closed his hand to wrap around the front of mine I let out a shaky breath. The only thing I could think about was how bad I didn’t want to let go. 

We walked through the restaurant hand in hand and towards the front door. Making our way back out into the parking lot.

Jesse kept his hand in mine all the way back to his car before making sure to open the passenger side door once again for me.

I climbed inside of the car and Jesse made his way back over into the driver's side seat. “So, back to your place?” He asked before putting my address back into the GPS and clicking go.

[mistydeyes]

aesthetic tag game :)

aww this was so cute!! thank you for tagging me @hxad-ovxr-hxart :))

tag game rules: favorite: movie, hobby, animal, character, color, place, season, album, food

movie: everything everywhere all at once! ive literally never felt so seen by a movie before and plus i love michelle yeoh and ke huy quan, seriously please watch their acceptance speeches for the movie- literally brings me to tears

hobby: painting! i love making them as gifts for friends or just having silly ones around the house :) cats and flowers are my favorite things to paint! and the picture is actually a beer pong table i painted last year

animal: pikas! discovered them when i was hiking in yosemite but they're like little plush squirrels

character: i've been on a teen titans and harley quinn (hbo) kick and i forgot how much i LOVED dick grayson/nightwing

color: ooh this is a hard one but i love dusty rose pink!

place: florist shops! i love the ones that have the pick your own flowers where you can make your own bouquet

season: fall! i love the leaves, the hot apple cider, and all the comfy outfits

album: mt joy's live at red rocks! i saw them recently and this album has made me relive through the concert + its a no skip kinda album! it’s funny bc sky picked one of my other favorite albums- we were friends by backseat lovers

food: soup! chicken corn chowder is my current fave

tags💌 @mockerycrow @katz-chow @sofasoap @gamergirlbonestaskforce141riot + anyone else that would like to participate!

[bright-and-burning]

tagged by @landoisokay and @bsaka7 to do my 9 favorite albums (with commentary. i had a lot to say...)

these are all relatively recent because i pick and choose older songs individually more than i listen to them as a single album. like i could pick at least an album’s worth of queen songs, but they’re not all off the same album, ya feel.

in no particular order!! w some explainers below the cut:

dreamland (2020) - glass animals. i almost put how to be a human being but i’ve been listening to that album basically on repeat for the last three weeks so i needed to switch it up. such an experience of an album honestly?? where how to be a human being makes me feel like the main character in an over-saturated murderous movie set in miami, dreamland is like, over-saturated fast car movie set in tokyo (the like. hollywood idea of tokyo, to be clear). forever intertwined with midnight walks through empty cities during covid, driving too fast, the first time i hung out with people after getting to come back to college, neon lights on cinderblock walls and $12 plastic handles of liquor. fundamentally bittersweet as an album imo? but so full of bangers that you forget that it’s . really sad. tokyo drifting with denzel curry was my top song of 2020 and spotify helpfully informed me that i listened to it 30 times on my 19th birthday. lol. the “get loose, streetfighter” with the street fighter sound effect… oh yeah baby that’s art. it’s all so incredibly loud also a song of all time tbh. whole album is floaty and sharp all at once, insane production, the perfect sadness layered underneath, every song building into this brilliant crescendo… perfect album for 2020 eve for like so many reasons, i could wax on about this for AGES so if u want more drop an ask no joke it’ll make my week. still holds up soooo well

lemonade (2016) - beyonce. LOL. this album dropped right around when i was getting cheated on by my gf of. over a year. and then we broke up and i signed the papers to transfer schools the next day without telling anyone. so this album fr got me through uprooting my entire life to start over. (what timing, to get cheated on right as beyonce drops her got-cheated-on album). i knew beyonce belonged on here (too influential musically to me to Not) but i was stumped on what specific album to include (i had 4 on cd in my car in high school, for example, and homecoming: the live album felt like cheating) until i remembered how much play time this one got, and how much i leaned on the album and the visuals then (which. by the way. i bought on itunes bc it wasn’t available for streaming. used precious data bc school wifi wouldn’t let me download it. possibly the last album i bought on itunes??)

save rock and roll (2013) - fall out boy. oh man. 2015 me was on one bc i was a HUGE mcr/fob/atl/p!atd/green day girl but at the Exact same time. a 1d girlie. my shuffle would literally go from mama to up all night. ANYWAYS. was stuck between american beauty/american psycho and save rock and roll, but i think american beauty/american psycho didn’t hold my attention for long and only recently came back on my radar (has some very toxic inspiration won’t lie). the mighty fall ft big sean? life changing. big fan of rappers being dropped into songs that you aren’t expecting them to feature on. “i’m either fuckin or workin so the grind don’t stop” is a work of art. young volcanoes and save rock and roll were legitimately like. the most comforting songs of all time as a sad and lonely 14 year old

when we were friends (2019) - the backseat lovers. starts out so strong and keeps it going. what an album to listen to while absurdly into someone who then starts dating your roommate lol. just like, beautiful stuff. makes me yearn. crazy good to belt out in the car while driving

cleopatra (2016) - the lumineers. feels like home, and being dumb young and in love to me. i’ve been listening to them since ho hey played on our local membership supported radio station when i was . 11?? finally got to see them two summers ago and bawled my eyes out the entire time. this whole album no skips but also like. so overwhelmingly nostalgic and infused with feelings with nowhere to go that i can’t help but want to cry. i learned how to play ophelia on a piano in a basement of a dorm i’ll never see the inside of again lol. patience makes me insane and it’s literally just piano. the lumineers in general make a lot of music that makes me ache for times and places i can’t return to, but this album is pretty peak for it

lungs (deluxe edition) (2009) - florence + the machine. god florence just does not miss does she. dog days are over another local member supported radio station hit. i started listing all the perfect songs off and then had to stop because i was listing the entire track list. floaty and romantic with a heavy edge of morbidity and violence. remember when i said i love when rappers on songs you aren’t expecting? if you listen to anything from this post PLEASE listen to you’ve got the dirtee love ft dizzee rascal from this album. a long ass album that’s good the whole way through, i’ll truly never tire of it

ctrl (2017) - sza. i think SOS might be better and eventually take this slot but i’m trying not to let recency impact this too much. drew barrymore went quintuple platinum in my bedroom in high school. it really was the perfect album for insecure 16 year old me? speaks of growth that listening to this album doesn’t hit me where i live half as much as it used to, that instead of being like damn so real sza to things like . “im sorry im so clingy i dont mean to be a lot... lonely enough to let you treat me like this” im like. damn good song

hozier (expanded edition) (2014) - hozier. take me to church another song that member supported ad-free radio station introduced me to. what a fucking album my GOD. angel of small death and the codeine scene… jackie and wilson was literally like. the love song to me. still is can’t lie. need to be saved and have hands through my hair. every single song has lines that literally make my jaw drop, i feel like i discover something new on every listen through. “free and young and we can feel none of it”… foreigner’s god makes my chest ache. i can’t fucking believe this album is ten years old???

mt joy (2018) - mt joy. another album that reminds me of home; my whole family listened to this for months on end during covid. i’m your wreck is such an opener… “and whatever happens please remember all the laughter” like i’ll cry. my instagram bio is from this song lol. the bit where it shifts into what my family calls shoulder lean mode… anyways. ASTROVAN!!! A SONG ABOUT JESUS SMOKING WEED but like. also an emotional tale of assuring mom how music’ll work out even if they’re broke the whole time. whole album gives me Feelings. this might be the happiest album on this list and it’s. not really that happy. just a very specific kind of like. optimism. we move forward even when we look back. the world fails us but we build it better. idk. like the last song is a break up song, but it’s whole thing is “so if you worry, don’t worry bout me, i always wanted you to see the california coast-line on your own time.” so like yeah, love is burning out, but don’t worry about me. i told u. Feelings.

uhhhh no pressure tagging @mecachrome @freeuselandonorris @monacotrophywife and @oscarpiastriwdc

[girlieinterns]

Hi everyone, my name is Madi (she/her), born and raised in Los Angeles. I currently attend school at the University of Chicago where I'm studying Business Economics and Cinema Studies. I'm really excited to be a part of the Girlie Action team this Spring!

What do you hope to gain from this experience?

I hope to gain as much marketing and PR experience as I can from this internship. I'm currently a part of my school's official music magazine, Firebird Magazine, where I write articles and run the social media accounts. I've also recently had more experience communicating with artists' labels and management, setting up press conferences, interviews, and live coverage. I actually was able to see Billie Marten through Girlie Action Media which was pretty cool. I'm excited to be on the other side (Girlie Action side) of the industry, and just kind of learn more about marketing strategies and how to make connections and network within the music industry.

What is the best concert you've been to?

This is probably a tie between Lana Del Rey at the Hollywood bowl in 2019 and the Backseat Lovers on their When We Were Friends tour. Lana Del Rey was the first proper concert I attended, and for that it will always be particularly memorable to me. It was also the Norman Fucking Rockwell tour which happens to be my favorite LDR album, and she brought out Jesse Rutherford to sing Daddy Issues which was genuinely spiritual for my teenage angst. The Backseat Lovers has been one of my favorite bands since they started out, so to get to watch them live for the first time was really exciting. I think this was also the first time I'd ever been in the pit which also elevated the experience. The lead singer/guitarist Joshua Harmon is a natural performer and the entire concert was just a culmination of fun and engagement.

What else do you love besides music?

I love spending time with my friends, yoga, surfing, traveling, cooking, fashion, and anything that involves gameplay. Mostly the friends part though; I feel like I can have fun doing anything if I'm with them.

What is my dream job?

My dream job would be to work for a music management company, maybe heading my own smaller label under a bigger team. I also think it could be fun to work in live music, maybe as a tour manager or live event producer.

[wearebothdrunk]

Cornelia Street

Pairing: Tom Holland x fem!reader

plot: yn is obcessed with Taylor Swift so Tom learns how to play her favorite song on the guitar and gives yn the best day of her life. 

warnings: smut; fluff; and references to Taylor Swift (?)

word counting: 1185

a/n: I am completly obcessed with Taylor so this idea is on my scrap book for so so long.  Also “lover” is my favorite album. hope you like it.

/ gif not mine

you and Tom had been together for about one year and he knew how obsessed you were with Taylor Swift. 

" what are you doing?" 

" listening to Taylor Swift" you would say dancing and screaming to her songs.

Tom was learning how to play the guitar, so you asked him to learn one of your all-time favorite songs " Cornelia street" by Taylor Swift. 

"Come on babe, i will help you" 

You both sat on the bed, with only a nightlight on and with Tessa lying on your feet, trying to learn the chords of the song. You were also learning with Tom to play guitar, so it was a pretty funny process.

"You have to put that finger on this string" 

"I´M TRYING" 

After a month of practicing, you finally managed to learn the whole song and could practice better. You took out your cell phone to check the lyrics, in case you made a mix-up in the verse, and he started to follow along. 

We were in the backseat

Drunk on something stronger than the drinks in the bar

Tom looked at you amazed at your emotion as you sang the lyrics and you looked at him proud and grateful that he was so patient with you.

*When the song was over 

"I loved it. thank u, babe, you are so talented" you said kissing him on the lips. 

he dropped the guitar to his side and pulled you in for another kiss. you wrapped both legs around him as he stroked your hair and kissed you. 

Tom looked at you with such passion in his eyes. 

"I have something for you" he said in the middle of the kiss. 

You placed your fingers intertwined at the back of your neck. " what?" 

Tom stretched one of his hands towards the bedside table placing the other on your back to make sure you didn't fall. you watched his movements opening the drawer and then he pulled out an envelope. You were confused and he was suspicious. 

"I hope you like it" Tom said nervously. "I'm sure I'll love it, you're the one giving it to me." 

You opened the envelope and took out a letter that had only TS written inside. When you started to read the content of the letter your eyes started to shine and Tom's smile grew. 

"NO! no way" you screamed. "Yes" he told you. 

"No! Tom, do you understand how happy I am right now? You actually bought tickets to a Taylor Swift concert! Tom, I love you sm" you smiled and pursed your lips on his. 

"Yeah, I also talked to her about us being in the section with her friends so people don´t know we're there too. "

" i love you!"

" love u too honey"

--------------------------------------------------

You and Tom then went to the long-awaited concert. She sang your favorite songs (which were all of them). 

You were wearing a low-cut black t-shirt with simple jeans and Tom was also wearing black jeans, a white t-shirt and a gray sports jacket. You were dumb enough to forget to bring a jacket or a hoodie, so you started to get cold. You didn't want to say anything to Tom because you thought the boy giving the girl the jacket thing was something that made you feel uncomfortable. 

Taylor sat down with her guitar and started singing your favorite song "cornelia street". 

imagine that Taylor´s concert in Paris

Tom looked at you to see your reaction. He saw you put both hands on your arms.

" are you cold?" he asked

" no." 

" yes you are, here take my jacket." he said taking off his jacket. "no, no. you're going to get cold" you said putting his jacket back on. " i can hug you that way we can both be warm" You put your arms under his jacket and around him. You put your head on his chest and he kissed your head. 

you could hear his voice and he could hear yours following the music.

I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again  

You were like that the whole concert. All you could think was that if it ever ended you would never be able to listen to this song again without thinking about the boy who had his arms wrapped around you. 

* when you left the concert* 

You got in the car and as soon as you closed the doors you kissed him hard. "this was the best day ever babe, thank u

"Did you like it? 

"Of course i did, but i wouldn't like it so much if i wasn't with you.”

he giggled. " it's true, love" you said while chuckling too

he leaned in to kiss you and whispered in your ear " i know darling, i love you so much, and i just want to see you happy" your smile grew as his words flowed from his mouth. 

"Can we go home?" you asked against his lips. "Are you in a rush?" he grinned 

"just drive" you said

You had arrived home. 

He opened the door and you pushed him into the house and closed the door by shoving with your foot. 

You started kissing his neck and his lips.

"i want you, like, now" you said gasping. 

he took you by the waist and led you to the bedroom. he laid you on the bed and admired you for a few seconds. 

" you're so beautiful darling" You pulled him by his shirt so that he could touch your lying body. he ran his hands all over your skin and you started to take off his shirt. he smiled at you. Soon you were also shirtless and Tom was getting ready to take off your pants. 

Moments later you could feel his warm naked body on top of yours. "Do you want me?" he whispered 

"yes, please" you answered in a raspy voice.

You let out a moan in his ear as you felt his cock inside you. 

fuck

he began to move up and down in a normal rhythm. 

"You are always so tight for me."

All you could let out of your mouth were moans 

" shit i'm gonna come" he said speeding up the pace making you moan even louder.

" Tom!" you screamed

it didn´t take long for you to feel his cum inside you.

he didn't want you to not cum, so he continued inside you for a little while longer, making slow movements. 

" i don´t think i can take it any longer babe" he said

you weren´t totally satisfied yet. so you got on top of him and started to finish what he had started.

he put both hands on your waist while you moved back and forth around his cock. It didn't take long before you came too 

shit

You lay down on Tom's side and he did the same. You snuggled up to him.

" thank you for today. it was amazing" you thanked him 

"are you talking about the sex or the concert?"

"both"

"I rent a place on Cornelia Street" I say casually in the car

if you want to repost my story in wattpad send me a dm first

[bisluthq]

SS Tily does not lay claim to Lover; a thesis

I thought this would take me longer but y’all, I’m done with Part 2 of my Gaylor analyses. Unfortunately this chapter brings bad news for Tily nation. I honestly don’t think many of the songs on Lover are about that relationship. But I also think it’s not as simple as the mainstream Kaylor narrative would have us believe. Let’s dive into this, shall we? 

First things first. I think it’s worth noting that many of the songs on this album are not about romantic relationships at all. Like it’s a bit of a marketing ploy to portray it as an album primarily about romantic love when so many songs explicitly aren’t about that feeling. In fact, there are more themes on Lover than on any of her earlier stuff - it’s something she expands on in folklore. 

I Forgot That You Existed, The Man, The Archer (which I firmly believe is about her debating coming out), Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince (very obviously about the political situation generally and supported by the doccie title), London Boy, Soon You’ll Get Better, YNTCD, and ME! are all about explicitly different themes. Obviously there are a couple references within those (like ME! has that line about “I never leave well enough alone” which reappears on the 1, and The Archer mentions someone “staying” but I still think ME! is about self-love not romantic love and The Archer is about personal anxiety around identity). Fundamentally, they are not love songs.

I don’t think that’s really up for debate. The only one I can see anyone - say Toes or like hardcore Tily fans - debating is London Boy. Unfortunately for my Tily babes, I do think it’s satire that serves as a homage to Joe and the other British beards, and possibly riffs a teeny bit on her time with Lily. Contrary to some gold medalists in Kaylor mental gymnastics, I fully believe Tay does make reference to Joe in her lyrics (I’ve mentioned the fictional verse for Dress and the reference to “keeping him” in Ready for It). This really doesn’t have any of the hallmarks of Tily songs off of Rep. The British references in CIWYW, KOMH and Delicate are subtle and chilled and actually quite cute. London Boy is an onslaught of non-sequiturs about London, the UK and her beards. Also “stories from uni” fits both Joe and Tom H, but it doesn’t fit Lily who never went to university. All her Lily songs are about hiding out in private; London Boy is all about galavanting around town with “his” friends (Lily and Tay had the same friends though?) It’s simply not about the same person or the same relationship. 

I do think there’s a chance it could be poking fun (lightly) at Lily/that period she spent in London because as I’ve already said I think Tay is not above shading ex-girlfriends and it seems like the kind of thing Karlie would’ve also found a bit funny. I think when she got back together with Karlie - which almost definitely happened - she would’ve 100% laughed about the “say you fancy me not fancy stuff” era. That would explain the recurrence of both Motown and queen imagery, which first appeared on KOMH. But where KOMH felt very genuine and authentic, this one is obviously meant to be funny. 

Right. So. Now that we’ve established 8 songs are about other themes, let’s get the Kaylor songs sorted: Cruel Summer, Cornelia Street, DBATC, False God and Daylight are all undeniably about Karlie fucking Kloss. They all feature the images and tropes and hallmarks that pepper Karlie songs. They all have the same kinds of emotions. And they paint a pretty sad, troubling and complex picture. 

Cruel Summer comes first and seems to mostly be about their first breakup, which she first referred to on DWOHT. We have Tay once again begging Karlie to stay and work it out and not being certain for sure about her feelings.  

We say that we'll just screw it up in these trying times

We're not trying (Oh yeah, you're right, I want it)

I mean that’s super sad. Tay’s saying they discussed how they’ll fuck it all up, and she’s feeling like they’re not even trying to fix things. You also have that “I want it” which is interesting considering the “we” that preceded it. “We’re” not trying because only “I want it”. Ouch. 

Killing me slow, out the window

I'm always waiting for you to be waiting below

Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes

What doesn't kill me makes me want you more

And it's new, the shape of your body

It's blue, the feeling I've got

And it's ooh, whoa oh

It's a cruel summer

It's cool, that's what I tell 'em

No rules in breakable heaven

But ooh, whoa oh

It's a cruel summer

With you

Here we have “I’m always waiting for you” which yet again suggests Tay is the one who’s more invested. Then we have the shape of “your” body (which is a familiar concept from Dress), but the feeling it gives her here is blue here not gold - maybe that’s why the shape is new? In the past Karlie’s body made her feel golden but now it’s a bluer, sadder feeling. Blue starts recurring more frequently on these late era Kaylor songs. There’s a possible alternate reading, which is blue = Swiftgron (“my love had been frozen deep blue”). It’s a nice theory but it just doesn’t gel with the garden gate below. Also, while both relationships seem to have been colored by commitment issues, the premise of unrequitedness doesn’t really feature on the songs about Di. She asks Di to stay, tells her she’s thinking of her, and they’re “too in love to think straight” but Tay never says Karlie loves her back. Ever. It’s never expressly mutual. 

I'm drunk in the back of the car

And I cried like a baby coming home from the bar (Oh)

Said, "I'm fine," but it wasn't true

I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you

And I snuck in through the garden gate

Every night that summer just to seal my fate (Oh)

And I scream, "For whatever it's worth

I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"

He looks up, grinning like a devil

Look at that fourth line. It perfectly fits with the Kaylor narrative on Rep and it doesn’t fit the Tily songs at all. She wanted to keep that second relationship private and secret and hidden. And here she’s saying “I don’t want to keep secrets” - this is take two of “I don’t want you like a best friend”. Also the “for whatever it’s worth” reminds me of “here’s the truth” from End Game. It’s the kind of thing you’d say in the midst of a fight. 

Then we have her screaming “I love you” and receiving no reply as usual beyond a devilish grin. The more I do these analyses the less I understand how or why Kaylor gets romanticized in the way it does, while Swiftgron gets bashed for toxicity. Like my girl Tay has a thing for chaotic lesbians with commitment issues and Kaylor seems like it was WILD. 

Back to the lyrics, this time let’s look at Kaylor anthem Cornelia Street:

We were in the backseat

Drunk on something stronger than the drinks in the bar

"I rent a place on Cornelia Street"

I say casually in the car

We were a fresh page on the desk

Filling in the blanks as we go

As if the street lights pointed in an arrowhead

Leading us home

I find this whole song really interesting because it features one of Tay’s favorite ideas - glamorizing normal people things. It’s like the time with the “motel bar” in Getaway Car. Like she 100% was thrilled to be able to say “I’m renting this apartment” - never mind that it’s basically a whole ass house. I actually think the above verse is really beautiful. I know I give Kaylor a lot of shit but obviously there were beautiful moments and Tay had/has plenty of good memories. 

And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name

And baby, I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

I mean frankly this verse above is super insecure in the standard Kaylor way. Tay’s saying she’s terrified of Karlie walking away and that she “hopes” she never loses her. The tone is sad, forlorn and a little desperate. I also think it’s interesting that she says she’d never walk Cornelia Street again, and that the city screams Karlie’s name and then on hoax she goes ahead and says she left a part of herself back in New York. It’s almost like her fears and anxieties did prove justified. Poor baby. 

Windows flung right open, autumn air

Jacket 'round my shoulders is yours

We bless the rains on Cornelia Street

Memorize the creaks in the floor

Back when we were card sharks, playing games

I thought you were leading me on

I packed my bags, left Cornelia Street

Before you even knew I was gone

But then you called, showed your hand

I turned around before I hit the tunnel

Sat on the roof, you and I

Those first four lines seem to be about the good again, and I’m happy for them. I really do think they had good times. Those four lines make me think of parts of YAIL and the toast and weekends and stuff. 

The rest of this verse though seems to be about the first split and subsequent reunion. “I thought you were leading me on” she says, and I “left Cornelia Street” presumably to go to London. But then Karlie called her back, “showed her hand” and Tay “turned around” before she reached the point of no return and they worked it out. “Sat on the roof, you and I” is similar in content to “up on the roof with a schoolgirl crush” but very different in tone. She’s not peppy here, she’s not positive. It’s a little bit tortured - and then it continues with “hoping it never ends”. The reappearance of the Tily imagery on Kaylor 2.0 songs makes sense to me, again, because discussing exes in the same social circle as you is just blatant lesbian culture. It makes complete sense that these two women are on Taylor’s mind. She has really really deep feelings for Karlie but she enjoyed the more simple and straightforward relationship she had with Lily. 

DBATC is the Kaylor 1.0 breakup anthem:

Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts

Flashbacks waking me up

I get drunk, but it's not enough

'Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby

I look through the windows of this love

Even though we boarded them up

Chandelier's still flickering here

'Cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not

It's death by a thousand cuts

We have her getting drunk to forget, trying to say “I’m fine” when it’s not true, and just generally missing Karlie. 

I dress to kill my time, I take the long way home

I mean, this is Cornelia Street (“never walk here again”) and Dress all over again. It’s the two ideas from before but now on the other side, because they’re actually broken up. 

And what once was ours is no one's now

I see you everywhere, the only thing we share

Is this small town

You said it was a great love, one for the ages

But if the story's over, why am I still writing pages?

“I see you everywhere” is very “this city screams your name” and I think “small town” is a metaphor for their social circle. The last two lines are just Tay being hung up on Karlie. She was writing pages in Cornelia Street as well, so this whole idea of telling a story with Karlie is another recurrent image. 

My heart, my hips, my body, my love

Tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch

Gave up on me like I was a bad drug

Now I'm searching for signs in a haunted club

Our songs, our films, united, we stand

Our country, guess it was a lawless land

Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand

Paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans

My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust

Tryna find a part of me you didn't take up

Gave you so much, but it wasn't enough

But I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts

I mean this is the usual obsession, desperation and general pining Tay has for Karlie. We also have Karlie touching her briefly, which is something she has spoken about before and is really into. Paper-thin plans is probably about the plans to make it work? We have that image reparations later in hoax so I think it’s most likely about Karlie bailing on Tay’s PR game and doing her own thing and/or Karlie’s (accidental?) involvement in the masters heist. 

Also, this whole song is very sad but it’s not on the level of desperation I would expect if Tay wasn’t rebounding hard and if they didn’t reunite. She’s pretty sad about how the whole thing went down but she does say she’ll “be alright” which is the opposite of “that’s the kind of heartbreak time could never mend”. I think she wrote this after the first breakup and Cornelia Street came later, after they were back together. That’s when she really went all in into this relationship. It still wasn’t enough. 

False God is about their reunion:

We were crazy to think

Crazy to think that this could work

Remember how I said I'd die for you?

We were stupid to jump

In the ocean separating us

Remember how I'd fly to you?

We know Tay ran away to Europe after the mess of 2016 and here she jumps into the ocean separating them and flies back to Karlie. The idea of it being “crazy” that it could work is also a recurrent fear/anxiety she has with regards to Karlie. “I had a bad feeling,” remember?

And I can't talk to you when you're like this

Staring out the window like I'm not your favorite town

I'm New York City, I still do it for you, babe

They all warned us about times like this

They say the road gets hard and you get lost

When you're led by blind faith, blind faith

They’re figuring things out, and Tay is New York - Karlie’s favorite city. “I still do it for you” is an admission of affection, which rarely happens in Kaylor songs, but it’s so sexual that I don’t find it shocking or out of character. 

But we might just get away with it

Religion's in your lips

Even if it's a false god

We'd still worship

We might just get away with it

The altar is my hips

Even if it's a false god

We'd still worship this love

I mean sex songs are just peak Kaylor and this is all just so so so gay and I don’t understand how hets can make it make srnse. “We might just get away with it” is the usual Kaylor anxiety by the way. 

I know heaven's a thing

I go there when you touch me, honey

Hell is when I fight with you

But we can patch it up good

Make confessions and we're begging for forgiveness

Got the wine for you

And you can't talk to me when I'm like this

Daring you to leave me just so I can try and scare you

You're the West Village

You still do it for me, babe

They all warned us about times like this

They say the road gets hard and you get lost

When you're led by blind faith, blind faith

Standard Kaylor imagery with sensual touching, wine and New York and a direct reference to Karlie’s apartment. I think “make confessions and we’re begging for forgiveness” appears to refer to the reunion. 

Daylight is a very beautiful love song for Karlie. The “golden”, the bodies intertwining, New York, and the depth of her emotions all fit the Kaylor story and narrative. I think she wrote this when they were back together. It’s also, as is common with the Kaylor songs, squarely from Tay’s perspective. She wrote it alone, and I think specifically for Karlie when they reunited. Very pretty, very nice. I mean they ended up breaking up and that was bound to happen in like every other song but when they were good Tay did create some gems and they were very happy. I love this song and I do like aspects of Kaylor’s time together. 

Now we get onto the songs that don’t neatly fit Kaylor. 

Afterglow could be a Kaylor song. But it could also be about the breakup with her rebound. It’s not only by Tay, so we’re looking for broad themes rather than specifics necessarily. 

Hey, it's all me, in my head

I'm the one who burned us down

But it's not what I meant

Sorry that I hurt you

I don't wanna do, I don't wanna do this to you (Ooh)

I don't wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you (Ooh)

I need to say, hey, it's all me, just don't go

Meet me in the afterglow

I don’t know that this sounds like the Kaylor breakup we heard about. It’s a different premise to False God, DBATC and Cornelia Street. In all of those songs it was a mutual breakup/misunderstanding. “I can’t talk to you” and then “you can’t talk to me” in False God is a two-way communication issue. DBATC goes off at Karlie for taking up every part of her and “giving up on me”. Cornelia Street said Tay thought Karlie was “leading her on” but that was resolved. Then Afterglow goes and lays all the blame on Tay. 

I lived like an island, punished you with silence

Went off like sirens, just crying

Why'd I have to break what I love so much?

It's on your face, don't walk away, I need to say

Hey, it's all me, in my head

I'm the one who burned us down

I mean this really does sound like it’s Tay fucking up badly. Not wanting to let the other person in, taking it out on them, hurting her lover. 

It's so excruciating to see you low

Just wanna lift you up and not let you go

This ultraviolet morning light below

Tells me this love is worth the fight, oh

This really doesn’t sound like the Kaylor fear and stress. It sounds like the cerebral and emotional connection from Rep. “It’s so excruciating to see you low” seems tied up with the heart to hearts and conversations she was having in those secondary songs on Rep. 

Tell me that you're still mine

Tell me that we'll be just fine

Even when I lose my mind

I need to say

Tell me that it's not my fault

Tell me that I'm all you want

Even when I break your heart

I need to say

This just seems like a very different plan for fixing things than the one outlined in the Kaylor songs (which is “let’s bone”). Also “I break your heart” is an anxiety that seems to parallel the burgeoning love in Delicate, KOMH and CIWYW. It doesn’t seem like a Kaylor fear because Tay is always the one who wants Karlie more. I believe this is mostly a Tily breakup song. 

Then we get the three happy songs on the album: Lover, I Think He Knows and Paper Rings. It’s actually pretty intense that there are only three peppy, romantic songs on an album largely touted by Gaylors and Hetlors alike as being about a happy long term relationship. 

You want my controversial explanation for these songs? They’re fictional. All three are extremely vague and lacking in any of the Karlie/other person imagery. They’re like New Year’s Day and some of the early stuff. 

I Think He Knows is a very hetro song. It physically pains me to say that, it really does, but nothing about it seems gay to me. I guess “boyish look” is something you could say about some women but that’s really a reach. Also it’s just very much not a relatable lesbian emotion. I’ve never met a queer woman being like “yeah I think she KNOWS, you know?” about her girlfriend. “She’s so obsessed with me and boy I understand” would make no sense. Us sapphics are compulsive overthinkers. And that’s what comes across on all her songs about Karlie and about Di and even those Tily songs from Rep. That’s largely why Tay’s stuff is so damn gay. 

Tay’s permanently anxious - even on her love songs, there’s a thread of anxiety running through it all. This song is missing any of that anxiety. This song also has so, so many male pronouns…. And “I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans” is an objectively weird thing to say about a relationship. It just doesn’t strike me as sapphic, and it definitely doesn’t strike me as being about Karlie lr Lily or Di. Also Nashville is 16th Avenue and I don’t know why any of the women would be associated with Nashville.

That Nashville reference makes me think that maybe the song is inspired by the music industry generally? If you go look at 16th Avenue by Lacy J. Dalton, there’s a clear narrative about the music industry. I think it’s possible that Tay’s song is referencing the love she feels for and from the music industry and her fans. That would tie into the architectural plans, being 17 (she often speaks about being stuck at that age because it’s when she got famous), and “he’s so obsessed with me” makes sense when you’re AOTD. Even the “attitude” line makes sense in this interpretation. 

This bit:

Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh

We can follow the sparks, I'll drive

Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh

We can follow the sparks, I'll drive

"So where we gonna go?"

I whisper in the dark

"Where we gonna go?"

I think he knows

Is a little harder to make sense of and seems like it could maybe be about Lily or at least inspired by her - there’s the car/driving theme from the secondary Rep relationship and Lily does have indigo eyes (they’re way bluer than Joe’s). So maybe she used images and diaries from that period to add to the story about Nashville? But overall this smugness just doesn’t strike me as very gay and in general the song doesn’t seem to be about any one woman in her history. Also “better lock it down or I won’t stick around” is so very hetro and like… untortured. 

Paper Rings is not about Karlie but I also don’t think it’s about Lily. 

The moon is high

Like your friends were the night that we first met

Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet

Now I've read all of the books beside your bed

The wine is cold

Like the shoulder that I gave you in the street

Cat and mouse for a month or two or three

Now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe

This is not about Karlie. We’ve heard repeatedly that they fell in love at first sight so “month or two or three” is kinda wild? Like they full on U-Hauled it with the Big Sur trip and Tay moving to New York and Karlie basically moving into her apartment. They were never cat and mouse? Also Karlie was a supermodel by the time they met one another so “trying to stalk you on the internet” seems a bit of an odd way to phrase it. There would’ve been plenty to find. They both had big reputations. Moreover, they had multiple mutual friends so “your friends” is also an odd turn of phrase. How does this verse fit any aspect of the Kaylor love story? 

In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool

When you jumped in first, I went in too

I'm with you even if it makes me blue

Which takes me back

To the color that we painted your brother's wall

Honey, without all the exes, fights, and flaws

We wouldn't be standing here so tall, so

This is also very not Kaylor lol except for the tall part. The chilled out hanging out and swimming and wall painting sounds more like the songs about Tily on Rep. 

I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings

Uh huh, that's right

Darling, you're the one I want, and

I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this

Uh huh, that's right

Darling, you're the one I want

In paper rings in picture frames in dirty dreams

Oh, you're the one I want

This seems like it could be Tily because of the “we went from friends to this” (Kaylor were never friends, and had no intention of being friends, they’ve literally only ever dated). But I’m not sure Tay ever wanted to marry Lily? That’s not what comes across in the other Tily songs. 

I want to drive away with you

I want your complications too

I want your dreary Mondays

Wrap your arms around me, baby boy

The driving and the chilledness is similar to the Tily songs but I’m still not sold. It really doesn’t feel particularly authentic. 

Also, I know I mostly do lyric analysis but I’d like to include this quote from Tay about the song: “This song talks about true love, and if you really find true love, you probably don't really care what the symbolism of that love is. Material things wouldn't matter to you anymore if you found someone that you just wanted to live your life with.” The quote is distinctly hypothetical. “You probably don’t really care” “wouldn’t” “if you found”....

My gut says this is based around positive romantic relationships she has had but is extrapolated to a rosy conclusion. One day, Tay’s gonna want to marry someone with paper rings. But for now it’s a fictional hypothetical. None of the details fit any of her relationships. It’s made up. That’s why it includes the “baby boy” line... because it’s fiction. 

And now for the really hot take… Lover is equally made up, although she was - again - inspired by her real relationships. 

We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January

This is our place, we make the rules

And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear

Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?

This is continuing the themes from New Year’s Day which always strikes me as a “what if” rather than an actual ode to one of the muses. That final line seems like it could be about Karlie but the absolute calmness with which she sings makes it seem like it’s not about her. The mysterious way is also a brand new image and considering how much she sings about Karlie you would’ve thought we’d have had that image at least once before?

Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close forever and ever?

And ah, take me out and take me home

You're my, my, my, my

Lover

I mean this doesn’t sound like Kaylor. Part of the anxiety there is always about going places together and being seen. It does have bits that seem like Tily to me; “take me out and take me home” kind of reminds me of the “meet me in the back” and “can we always be this close” seems similar to “is it chill that you’re in my head?” 

We could let our friends crash in the living room

This is our place, we make the call

And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you

I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all

The first three lines could be about either Karlie or Lily although I don’t know if Tily had “their place”. Kaylor definitely did. 

That last line… is kinda why I think this is mostly fiction. I mean we know it doesn’t make sense for Toe. We know that. And I know about the gymnastics to fit it as a Kaylor song. But the thing is, even if she wrote it around the time that they went away to Wyoming, why wouldn’t she update it when recording it? It literally doesn’t fit the Toe timeline so it can’t be that she wanted it for that. She could’ve made it vague. But no she says “three summers”. Where else have we heard about “three summers”?

September saw a month of tears

And thankin' God that you weren't here

To see me like that

But in a box beneath my bed

Is a letter that you never read

From three summers back

It's hard not to find it all a little bitter sweet

That’s from Tim McGraw. 

She just likes that image. It recurs. It’s not about Karlie, and it’s not about Lily, and it’s obviously not about Joe. It’s just a pretty turn of phrase. She loves counting in summers and Cruel Summers and the summer in Betty/august…. It’s not something she associates with one person. 

Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?

With every guitar string scar on my hand

I take this magnetic force of a man to be my

Lover

My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue

All's well that ends well to end up with you

Swear to be over-dramatic and true to my

Lover

This whole wedding bit doesn’t make sense for either Kaylor or Tily or Swiftgron. Like she’s constantly questioning Karlie’s commitment to her. And you want me to believe she’s singing vows? Lol no. 

And you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me

And at every table, I'll save you a seat

Lover

Very cute. Very non-specific. Not about any one partner. 

So this supposed ode/serenade to Karlie doesn’t feature any of the images associated with her and doesn’t include any details that actively fit their relationship arc as described elsewhere except for jealousy and possibly love at first sight. 

These three peppy love songs - which make up the minority of songs on the album - are about Taylor’s manifestations for the future. ITHK could be about the industry more generally. The other two are describing what she wants and what she pictures as ideal for a relationship. 

So conclusions: a large chunk of the songs on Lover aren’t about romance. Many, many are about Karlie. Afterglow could be about Lily and some of the regrets Tay had about the split. Paper Rings, I Think He Knows and Lover aren’t about anyone in particular. 

Last thought: I agree that It’s Nice To Have a Friend is about lesbians generally. But also possibly about Karlie, in which case the final verse is Karlie choosing the marriage with Josh and in that case the song is fucking devastating and heartbreaking. But tbh a lot about Kaylor is so it’s no surprise 🤷🏻‍♀️ 

---------------------------------------------------

As usual, I’m up to discuss this. Do you agree? Disagree? Let’s talk! xx

[uzumaki-rebellion]

“Wet Sugar” [Part 10 of 30]

Summary: Being together again isn’t easy for Erik and Yani...

"I keep rubbin' 'til your body start to tweak, ahh When you push up on it, put that thang on me boy What's popping, baby? Can you put me to sleep, yeah Every time you see me, do me dirty, yeah I'll be back, I talk that, I want that shit bad I can't wait 'til midnight, baby come see me

Softly, tell me would you stay baby You know I give you more than she I know just where you wanna be, yeah Hair-do wild, make-up on your favorite pillow, baby Louder than the TV, knockin' boots We rockin' to grindin' music playin' I wish you could see what I see, baby Comin' for you boy, don't you say a thing…"

Missy Elliott—"DripDemeanor"

The man in charge of the mobile D.J. stage perched atop the semi-truck trailer told Yani and Kendall they were not allowed to curse or say anything offensive while performing. Yani stared at Kendall because the song he planned to perform, one of the most popular songs on Junior's compilation album, had a line in it with the word "nigga" as part of the chorus that Yani repeated throughout. Along with other profanity. It was actually a positive song called "Fiyahbun" and was about their ancestor Mary Thomas.

Queen Mary.

She of the Three Queens from the Virgin Islands. It was a song about the strength of Black women who took no shit from no one. The single was being streamed and downloaded like crazy, especially in the States and Europe and Kendall really wanted to show it off live to his people.

"I'll cut the song if I hear any cursing. Seen?"

"Yeah," Kendall grumbled, "What do we do with your part, Yani?" Kendall asked.

"Let the audience say it, we can't be penalized for something they do. I'll just point the mic at them and see what happens," she said.

The truck D.J. cued up the track and Yani stood next to Kendall as he fussed with another performer who complained about the sound system cutting in certain places.

Yani could see her younger sister Anika squirting their friends with her super soaker and she felt the restless spirit of the revelers as they waited for Kendall to perform to get the celebration back on track.

Twyla shouted out Yani's name and Kendall took over. Once the music kicked in and Yani let the audience do a call and response, things went well. Kendall even seemed over-hyped, almost angry that he couldn't use profanity to punctuate his bars. But the song was still a hit, and the crowd went off with them.

Kemba's friend Conrad helped Yani down from the stage and she played jab-jab with her relatives. Conrad was a nice young man with lofty goals, and he took a liking to her, but he seemed a bit miffed that she kept getting requests to take pictures from fans of the album. She took as many pictures as people wanted because she knew it would help Kendall. She tried to explain this to Conrad, but his face showed irritation.

Most of the fans wanting pictures were clearly clout chasing to get next to her, especially knowing she was Chez's Ex, and many were just thirsty niggas trying to cop a feel on her ass while their hands held her waist. A lot of the women clamoring for selfies too were trying to get next to Kendall. Conrad stood there like a scorned lover and Yani thought he was being ridiculous. They weren't on a date. It was a meet and greet and thus far, he was just a nice guy. No chemistry.

"Anika!" she shouted when her sister painted her chest with blue water. She snatched packets of pink powder from her jean pockets, ripped them open and tossed them at Anika. Music blared from the massive stage speakers and Yani danced around ignoring the prune face of Conrad. She left him standing in a cloud of green powder.

"There's a big nigga lookin' for you, Cuz," Twyla said, her lips pressed up near Yani's ear.

"Oh, yeah? Who?" she said throwing her ass back. Twyla smacked her bum and held up her cell phone. She swiped the screen and held up a picture.

Yani's mouth went dry and she grabbed the cell.

The scars. The hair. The muscles in the arms.

"Where did you see him?!" she blurted out and Twyla's face gave her a questioning look when she took back her phone.

"He headed over toward the drink carts—"

Yani pushed through the bodies, her eyes darting around searching for Killmonger. Stomach fluttering with excited nerves, her legs rubbery, and her mind racing, she felt like she wanted to pass out for a second and had to stop and catch her breath with her hands on her knees.

She thought for sure he was gone forever, had just gotten accustomed to making it through a whole day without him being on her mind, and yet one little photo had her running around frantically looking for his ass—

She came to a complete stop when she saw him sipping from a plastic cup and watching the parade of people move past him. His hair looked longer. His tight white tank made his scars look like art. A thick Cuban link gold chain draped around his neck, the bright gold on rich golden-brown skin made him dazzling to look at.

She slipped behind a barricade and snuck behind him, taking the place of a white woman who jumped down from the small bench he stood in front of. At first, she thought she would grab his arms and shake him with surprise, but then it hit her. He was back on the island. He came back for her. He saw Twyla and asked for her. Those thoughts made her think of his last words to her. Him asking to have her. In that way. She wanted that more than anything standing behind him, taking in the shape of his back, the curve of his ass in his joggers, those biceps that were strong enough to hold her up in mid-air for a long ass time.

Her fingers reached out and slid around his neck—

"I told you once already—"

She closed her eyes and kissed the back of his neck, the coolness of his Cuban link touching her warm arms, his cologne stirring her senses. She felt his chest shudder and when he turned to look at her, she thought she saw water in his eyes. Perhaps it was the liquor he had been sipping that made his Henny-colored eyes well up. He pressed his forehead against hers and tremors cascaded through him. She held him tighter as his arms wrapped around her waist, the paint and chalk on her clothes staining his white tank.

"Killmonger, why are you shaking? I scare you?"

His lips were ferocious on hers as he cradled her face. She moaned into his mouth as his tongue curled around hers. He lifted her from the bench and she wrapped her legs around his waist, neither giving a damn about the people swarming around them.

She came up for air.

"When did you get back?"

"It don't matter," he said crashing his mouth back over hers demanding that she submit to his plundering tongue, and she did. She felt his dick growing against her mound and pulled back.

"We should go somewhere else," she panted, her lips itching to be back on his.

He put her down and tugged on his shirt to cover his erection. Clasping her hand in his, he pulled her away from the surge of bodies. She tried to keep up with him but his long strides seemed desperate, his urgency spiking her excitement at being with him again.

They walked far and in the opposite direction of the revelers.

"Killmonger!" she huffed, her feet and legs suddenly feeling tired. Trying to keep up with him was proving difficult. He looked back at her and his eyes were so bright in the sunlight. He slowed down for her and she let her other hand hug onto his arm as they walked.

They crossed over two parking lots and Yani recognized the S.U.V. parked near a corner market as one of Klaue's. Erik opened the backseat door.

"I'll get this paint and powder everywhere," she said.

"Don't worry about it," he said, helping her get into the vehicle.

Erik hopped in the back from the other side and for a moment they just stared at each other. His eyes took her in. She reached out and touched his necklace.

"This is nice," she said trying to make conversation.

He took it from around his neck and put it around hers. It was heavy. Real fucking gold. Probably five to eight thousand dollars-worth from her calculations. It hung down and rested on her breasts. He twisted the chain and pulled her neck toward him and kissed her again, their tongues out in the open sliding against each other. She felt him twist the chain tighter and she gasped, releasing his tongue as his slid up her neck and nibbled on her ear before it was back in her mouth again, her face tilted to reach his.

Fuck.

She never kissed like this before.

They were at it for soooo long. He vacillated from obscenely wide open to closed mouth tongue kissing in long intervals that made her mouth water. There was a sticky puddle in her panties and squirming in the backseat didn't stop him from sucking on her lips and licking the seam of her mouth making her pant like she was in heat.

"My pussy…" she gasped. She wanted his calloused fingers down there…everywhere.

"Baby," he whispered and his voice hitched a bit as he sank his tongue deeper into her mouth. Her pussy was throbbing just from his tongue delving into her throat, dipping in and out like he was fucking the shit out of her neck. He didn't touch her or stroke her or pet her body in any way. Just his mouth overpowering hers, tugging on the Cuban link to choke her a bit to make sure she was obedient to his lips. And she was.

His mouth went to her left ear and that hot heavenly tongue snaked in and out then did the same to her right ear. Jesus, he was fucking her ears! Her left leg started shaking.

"I still gotta work hard for you, girl?" he whispered.

"Not too hard, man, for real," she whimpered when his hot mouth plunged back into her right ear again.

Her eyes drifted down to look at his waist as he made her ears tingle with intense pleasure. Her lips parted staring at the big tent in his pants. The weight of that print had her full attention.

"I want to suck your dick, Killmonger."

He groaned in her ear.

"You want Daddy's dick in your mouth?"

"Yes!"

"You want Daddy to fuck the shit outta your throat, baby?"

"Yessss! Nigga, please!"

He chuckled in her ear at the sound of her voice pleading with him and dripping full of lust. He still wouldn't touch her anywhere else and she was ready to pull her clothes off and crawl on his lap to get closer to him.

"I want you to fuck me."

"Damn, Yani."

Her skin was on fire and she was frustrated beyond belief. He pulled on his chain forcing her face close to his.

"You been a good girl for me?"

"I'm always a good girl."

"I dunno, summa them pictures you posted online didn't make me happy."

She sucked her teeth and he pulled her in closer and choked a little tighter.

"I didn't like that orange swimsuit."

"Why not?"

"I could see that fat puss sticking out."

"So?"

Yani could feel her body tingle when he mentioned her swimsuit. She wore that one on purpose just for him, hoping he was still watching her from far away. She had played with her pussy right before taking that particular selfie so that her pussy lips were nice and puffy for him. The fact that it was the exact picture that had him riled up right now was scrumptious. She was thinking of his dick in that photo, her clit rubbing against the bikini bottom like a hard diamond.

"Whatchu mean, so? If I could see it, all them bitch niggas out there could see it too. That's too much, Ma."

He brought his face closer, his eyes real serious now.

"You been with anyone since I've been gone?"

"You?"

His eyes darted away and she felt her heart sink.

Could she really be surprised? She wanted to be the one to replenish him, welcome him back to the island with her name in his warm mouth, but a man like this didn't wait. That's what Tahir said. He used women whenever he wanted to satisfy that itch. But now she had an itch that she wanted this bad man to scratch.

"Then I guess we're even," she said.

She hadn't been with anyone. Not really. A few lame dates the month previous out of boredom. A peck on the lips here. A booty rub at the club there. Gave a hurried handjob for the fun of it. That's it. A part of her was really trying to save it all for him. She wanted to cum and cry out his name in his ear. Only his ear. Be only his. This man sitting here before her, dropping out from the big world back onto her island, a stranger who was easily leading her astray. She hated that and wanted it too.

But the way Erik's nostrils flared and his eyes got tight, she had pushed a button. A big one. He expected her to wait. How typical of men. She smirked and pulled back from him. Wiping her wet lips her eyes challenged him. He had the next move. She waited. His eyes studied her face and he still kept his fist twisting his chain.

"You fucked someone else?"

The link was so tight. Tighter now, pressing into her throat, able to leave a bruise if he kept at it. She liked it. Liked being forced to look up at him. Liked his breath on her face. Liked the crease in his forehead as his eyes seemed to let her watch his mind cook up all kinds of scenarios with her and other men. Liked that dark beard that could never hide his dimples. Liked those big sharp gold canines gleaming at her in the false safety of his other bright white teeth. Jealous much Killmonger? Good.

She squirmed in the black leather seat and his eyes looked down at her breasts, thighs, and hips. His breathing was more pronounced. It was none of his business if she fucked anyone. He could ask if she was seeing anyone, to get a sense of where their boundaries laid as a potential couple, but she wasn't going to let him know about her sex life while he was away. No matter how bland it was. Just sitting next to him had her climbing the walls and she was trying her best not to come off like a desperate woman suffering from dick drought, but he brought it out of her.

His mouth attacked hers with a ferocity of kisses that made her weak. The heat from his skin ignited hers again and she was a wet mess all over that backseat: the blue and pink paint and sweat on her body, and the slick heat between her thighs.

When he finally pushed back from her, his eyes looked different, humble even…

"Killmonger?"

"I've been here for a week, Yani."

"A week? Why didn't—"

"I wasn't ready to see you. I had too much in my head to get rid of from this work I do. I wanted to see you…I wanted to drive right to your Aunt's house the moment I got off the plane…I just…"

"You're here with me now. That's all that matters to me. I don't need to know what you do for Klaue. If you needed to get your mind right, then you did what you had to do. I'm not complaining. I missed you…"

His eyes dropped from her face and he bit his lower lip. His eyes welled up and his big body leaned forward and he rested his head on her lap.

"Hey," she whispered. Stroking his hair, she felt his chest heave a little. She kept giving him tender strokes from his forehead to his back until his breathing evened out and became less shaky.

"I…ah man…," he whispered.

"Tell me," she gently cooed in his ear.

"I had a moment out there when I thought I wasn't going to make it. Straight up die, girl. I've been in some fucked up situations before, but this time…I wasn't so sure. I don't know if I was dreaming, or hallucinating or if my mind was just trying to get me over…but…I had this image of you and I swear to God, it saved my life. I just wanted to see you again, even if it was just for a little while, Yani. I'm tired and I just…I just want to be with you. When you say you miss me… I feel like I can rest."

For true?

Yani leaned her head back on the car seat and kept her hand on him, touching him, making sure he knew she was right there with him.

How quickly the moment had turned. Hot and heavy kissing morphed into her giving nurturing caresses to his scalp.

He slept on her lap and she sat there quietly for him. She was so happy to have him back. Allowing her eyes to close, she rested against the headrest as she listened to people walk, shout, dance, and flow past the S.U.V. She dozed off for a bit until she felt her cell vibrate in her back pocket. She shifted her body carefully, letting Erik sleep while she answered her phone.

"Yeah?"

"Where you at?"

Twyla's voice was loud as she tried to talk over the music in the background.

"I found him."

"Him? The bad man on the hill?"

"Yeah. What time is it…ah man," she said. She had been in the car with Erik for over two hours.

"Auntie is looking for you. She has Sydette and Bam with her. We can't find Cee Cee or Sonya."

"Where Auntie now?"

Yani heard a ping on her phone. Twyla gave her a map flag for her Aunt.

"They over by my conch place."

"She want us to take the babies? I'm still a little loopy."

"She wants the kids to see you. You bringing that big nigga with you? Where you at? What yuh doin' with him, gyal?"

"I'm going to head over now. Give me a little time. We're way on the other side. Take about fifteen minutes."

"Sluttin' it up with his fine ass, yeah?" Twyla cackled.

"You so wrong for that—"

"We'll see you in a few minutes," Erik said, holding her phone up to his ear as he sat up from her lap.

Yani took her cell back.

"Bye!"

Erik rubbed his eyes then looked over at her.

"I was out for a minute," he said.

"Yeah, you were. You really are tired."

"Aren't you?"

"Pacing is everything."

She touched his face.

"You ready to see Sydette?"

"Sweet Pea? Hell yeah."

###

Erik held Yani's hand openly, not even caring who saw them together. She actually looked like she was proud to walk around with him. A shit load of male eyes watched Erik warily. A few times Yani was stopped to take selfies again and when they walked on, she pulled him along. His eyes kept glancing at her backside and her thighs, her black fishnets putting dirty thoughts in his mind. She had that extra juicy juicy peach and he had no shame watching all that cake bounce when she walked. The roll of her hips could start wars. He savored being with her, having his fingers entwined with hers, letting her lead him wherever she wanted to go.

A tiny sliver of anxiety entered his body as they approached Leona and the children.

The older woman stood with a stroller in front of her as she stood next to another older woman who held the hand of a chubby toddler. The little boy's eyes stared at Erik with suspicion.

"Aye. Mr. Killmonger!" Leona shouted. She lifted up her sun hat to see his face.

Stepping from the stroller she gave him a big hug.

The woman standing next to her eyed him with quiet suspicion too. He held out his hand.

"Hi, I'm Erik," he said trying to make things seem normal.

The woman took his hand and he felt her eyes stare at his scars.

"Sydette, look who it is," Yani said.

Erik looked down into the stroller.

Children grew too damn fast.

Still plump, Sydette's legs were out in a pair of white baby sneakers, pink shorts and an orange t-shirt with the same words that Yani had on hers. Little red and yellow beads kissed the ends of her braids, and her solid onyx eyes gazed up at him.

Yani picked her up and held her on her hip. She pointed at Erik.

"Remember Killmonger? Yeah?"

Sydette turned her head away when Erik moved closer to her, and he had to admit, it made his heart hurt when she did that.

"Sweet Pea," he said and the baby turned her head to face him, but rested her cheek on Yani's shoulder. He held out his hands for her and she turned her head away again.

"You want to hold her?" Yani asked.

"No, don't force kids to go to people when they don't want to."

Yani smiled at him and rocked Sydette in her arms. They were both wearing the earrings he sent them. Yani took his hand again. Leona didn't even bat an eyelash at how close they were acting.

"You want me to take Sydette now, Auntie?"

"Not unless you want to take her. We just wanted to come out for a little bit and see the fun. Everything go well? People behave?"

"Yeah, it was great. You want to hang out longer, Killmonger? How are you feeling?" Yani asked.

It was already past one in the afternoon. He could feel himself needing a serious nap. Lying on Yani's lap made him want to curl up on her again.

"I do feel worn out."

"You okay to drive?"

"Yeah, I'm good."

"Finally!" Twyla said. She licked at a snow cone as she sauntered over to Leona. Behind her two of Yani's other female cousins joined her. Talk about a bad bitch brigade. Fuck.

"Found her, yeah?" Twyla said to Erik.

"Yep."

"Where that monster chain come from?" Twyla said, her eyes wide staring at the Cuban link on Yani's neck.

"Killmonger's. It's heavy too," Yani said.

Twyla's eyes dusted over him. Sydette's hands reached out for Twyla's snow cone.

"You don't get none lil bit," Twyla said.

"Mama!" Sydette yelled out and Erik started laughing. Twyla stuck her face close to Sydette's.

"Your Mama can't help you. This is my snow cone. Get a job begger!" Twyla said. Sydette babbled and her fingers pointed to the snow cone. Twyla took a big slurpy bite and walked away. Sydette's face crumbled and she cried.

"Spoiled!" Twyla teased ignoring her baby cousin.

"Hey, Sweet Pea," Yani said trying to soothe the girl but to no avail.

Erik stepped closer.

"You want a snow cone?" he asked.

Sydette's eyes went to his face and she pointed to Twyla and babbled to Erik. He held out his arms to her as she squirmed against Yani's chest, the chalk and paint from Yani's clothes smearing a bit onto Sydette's shirt and shorts. The baby gurgled more and tears squeezed from her eyes.

"It's okay,' he said.

Sydette leaned over toward him and he lifted her away from Yani. Her left hand pointed at Twyla.

"She's not sharing, huh? I'll get you one," he said.

Twyla stared at him then glanced over at Yani.

"Where did you get that?" he asked.

"Just over there," Twyla said pointing to a vendor behind them.

"What flavor is that?" he asked.

"Blueberry and raspberry mixed," Twyla said.

"You all taking the children?" Leona asked.

Bam's mother already had his hand and Yani took Sydette's stroller.

"Oh, kiss mi neck. We rode on the bus. You don't have the car seats," Leona said.

"We'll be fine," Bam's mother said letting her son have some of her snow cone.

"I'm going to Miss Kerry's house. Have a good time. Mr. Killmonger, it is good seeing you again. I owe you an oxtail dinner. Remind me soon!"

"I'll come pick you up later, Auntie," Twyla called as they older women moved along in the opposite direction.

"I'll take you home," Erik said after the older women left and he found himself being stared at by all of Yani's cousins.

The windows to the S.U.V. were tinted, so it would be hard to see Sydette on Yani's lap. The baby's fingers grabbed hold of his left ear, touching the big diamond there. The babbling began again.

"We better get her that snow cone before she cusses me out some more," Erik joked.

"Bye," Yani said to her relatives as she pushed the stroller.

"Not even going to tell us about this man, Yani?"

The mother of the toddler stared at Erik.

"That's her new man," Twyla said winking at Erik. "Where he come from?" the other cousin asked a look of shock on her face as she took in Erik's entire appearance.

"Bye ladies," Yani said.

Erik followed her and he bought Sydette a small snow cone that he shared with her. Yani didn't want one. The cold shocked Sydette, and Erik could see that her two front teeth were coming in nicely, no longer little grains of rice from when he last saw her online.

Easy.

He felt easy with the two of them as he fed the baby the syrupy sweet treat, her lips curling each time she mouthed the frozen ice. The cone melted faster than they could eat it and he threw the rest away.

They walked toward the S.U.V. and Sydette leaned into him, her head cradled in his neck but her eyes taking in the sights and sounds. The street party was winding down and they would probably get stuck in a bit of traffic, but he didn't care. He just wanted to be with them.

"Auntie is leaving for Virginia in a few days," Yani said.

"Oh yeah?"

"My other Aunt lives there and she's going to stay there for her vacation. You won't need her while you're at the compound will you?"

"Nah, I can cook and clean myself…but…"

"But what?"

Her eyes watched him as they moved closer to their transportation. She looked so cute with all the colors on her skin and hair.

"I might need a walk-through of some things. I don't know everything about the houses."

"Which one are you staying in?"

"Klaue's main house."

Yani looked surprised.

Erik took a chance.

"Are you busy for the next hour or so? I could really use your help going over the place. Klaue left me some instructions, but I bet you know that place like the back of your hand."

Yani smiled.

"You have to work tonight?" he asked.

"No. I have the next two days off."

"Can you help me?"

He wanted her with him.

"Lucky for you I have Sydette's diaper bag with me. I can show you the ropes," she said.

"I'll fix you a late lunch for your services."

"Is this a date, Killmonger? Wining and dining me?"

"I'm trying to earn my time with you."

"I see. You hear that, Sweet Pea? This man is trying to woo your Mama."

Yani reached over and tugged on Sydette's shoe.

More stares from people as he opened the car door for Yani. He folded up the stroller and placed it in the trunk.

"You can take a shower and wash your clothes while you're there," he said.

"I'll clean the car up too," she said.

"I got that."

He started up the S.U.V. She held Sydette tight, the seat belt securing them both. He sat there watching them, drinking in their faces. He was really there with them. No one could've told him three months previous that his greatest desire outside of going to Wakanda was spending time with a single mother. He didn't want children. He couldn't handle the responsibility of a serious relationship because of his work and lost an amazing woman in Massachusetts because of it, but here he was giddy about cooking for this girl and holding her baby. It didn't make no goddamn sense.

"You okay?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said.

###

Yani found some clothes in her Aunt's apartment at the compound that she could wear as her clothes were washed and dried. After he cleaned up himself, he watched her feed Sydette some strained peas and baby chicken and dumplings that were stored in her baby bag. He was surprised to see her lift up the borrowed t-shirt to breastfeed Sydette. He turned his eyes away respectfully while she nursed and fired up the outdoor grill of Klaue's main house. He cooked up some lemon chicken and made a grilled chicken salad with a strawberry vinaigrette for them.

The baby fell asleep and Yani placed her in the stroller to snooze as they ate in the dining room together. He had been tired earlier but felt energized while they ate. Yani had a healthy appetite and he was glad that she enjoyed what he cooked.

They walked around the compound as Yani pushed the baby stroller. She pointed out things that weren't on Klaue's list, things that the man never had to think of because Leona and Yani handled it over the years.

"You don't have to do much for Jerome. He can look after himself, but if you want to keep him on your good side, leave a little bowl of water on the pool wall. It'll keep him from drinking pool water. It's a saltwater pool, but he will use it and shit everywhere. The pool guy will come as many times as you want, his number is on the fridge in the front house. George is his name."

Erik took in all the information she gave him, but after a while, he stopped listening and just watched her. The tension of worrying about seeing her had left, and in its place, that strong yearning to be near her. It was already nearing five in the evening and he was dreading having to take her home.

They made their way back to the front house and she ran down to the apartment to change back into her clothes. She wore everything except the fishnet stockings. Sydette was still in a deep slumber, the day clearly wore her out.

Yani checked her cell phone and Erik felt himself tensing up again. She was ready to leave and he didn't want her to go. Not yet.

"Is it okay if I put Sydette on the bed? She should stretch out and relax," he said.

"We should probably get back to the house—"

"Stay for dinner…I mean…would you stay for dinner? I can take you both home later. I just want to hang with you a little more."

"You might want to sleep since you were tired—" "That was earlier. I'm fine now."

She nodded and he felt his chest ease up. Yani lifted Sydette from the stroller.

"Put her in the big bedroom, we can hear her if she wakes up," he said.

Even though she knew where that master bedroom was, she waited for him to take her there. Watching her place the baby on the bed, he stood in the doorway, and a million thoughts raced through his head. He had three months. Three months to be on the island with her. Could he live a lifetime in three months? What about her? He wanted her, but did he have the right to start something he knew he could never finish? He remembered his mother's friends when he was a child back in Oakland. The ones who were single mothers and dating. He remembered the complaints about men who started relationships, bonded with children and then bounced. It didn't just hurt the women, but the children as well. He didn't want that to happen, but his life with Klaue wouldn't permit him to stay. Erik's endgame was on the horizon and he was surprised at how transparent he was being with Yani. Being so upfront about what he wanted.

He wanted her, not just for sex, but for a taste of something else. Normalcy? A chance to pretend to have a normal life? One that he could easily let go of because St. Thomas wasn't the real world. It was a fantasy. Like that old tv show his great-grandmother loved, Fantasy Island, a place where people could delude themselves with a pretend life until it was time to board a plane again and go back to reality.

"Killmonger?"

Her voice.

He needed her. He was going to break her heart and his own, but he would do whatever it took to keep her close.

He held his hand out to her and she took it, threading her fingers with his. He tapped a small screen near the bedroom door turning it on, an intercom system that would allow them to hear the baby when she woke up.

Guiding Yani back into the main living room, Erik turned on the wall screen viewer and found a music station that gave them some nice background tunes. They sat on the couch, their knees touching, and Yani filled him in on what had been going on in her life the last couple of months. She was eager to begin school and he was excited for her. He couldn't reveal much to her, so he talked about a short trip he had to visit his relatives in Brazil without naming the country. They discussed the compilation album and Erik was honest, he didn't like too many of the songs on it, but he did fuck with Kendall's single.

"Fiyahbun slaps hard. Is that the family history you were going to tell me about? I'm back now, so spill it."

"How about I show it to you?"

"When?"

"Tomorrow. I will take you on a food tour and show you the Three Queens."

"Bet."

Her eyes watched him with a tenderness he thought he didn't deserve.

"I can't believe you are really here," she said. Her fingers toyed with the Cuban link she still had around her neck. All that gold on her brown. He reached out for it and tugged her closer to him. Her chest heaved a bit and it was hard not to notice how voluptuous she looked in her newly cleaned black top.

"It wasn't easy getting back, but I'm going to make the best of it."

"Will Klaue come back soon?"

Erik's eyes looked away from her. Her hand touched his shoulder.

"Sorry. I won't ask about him."

"I don't want to think about him when I'm with you, okay?"

"Okay."

"C'mere."

She grabbed his hand and he pulled her against him.

"Tell me you missed me again," he said.

"I missed you."

She stroked his locs and her fingernails grazed the back of his neck making him tremble.

"Say it agai—"

Her lips took his and he held onto her, letting her control the pace. Until she crawled on his lap.

Her eyes were soft brown pools of comfort, and her lips plush and warm as she gave him kisses on his cheeks and forehead. Her body was rising heat and his fingers slid up her sides and rested on her breasts. He pushed them together and her fingers rose up and pulled the straps of her bra and top down.

Shit.

Her breasts were still full and her nipples jutted out and he didn't waste a second as his tongue circled each one before he was sucking them, the sound of her moans melting any reservations he had about claiming her for himself.

Pinching her tips, he watched her face take on pure unadulterated pleasure. He felt a tightening in his pants and shifted so she could feel all of him. Her sighs had him turning into putty and when her breasts leaked a bit with milk, he licked her nipples and squeezed them hard, his suckling making his nerves calm down. She was back with him, so he didn't have to rush or worry about someone walking in on them.

She ground her bottom on his lap trying to let his length feel all that hard friction. Her hands clawed the back of the couch as she lifted and dropped herself on his dick. She wanted his heavy print sticking out to hit her mound just right. Watching her bounce on him fired him up even more. All that ass slapping his thighs had his tongue out. He couldn't stop groaning each time all that full weight came down on him.

He sought out her lips again and didn't give her a second to breathe. There was no reprieve from his urgent tongue or from his soft lips.

He tugged on her shorts.

"Take these off," he said.

For a second, Yani's eyes looked concerned. She wanted him. He knew that for sure. But maybe she was having second thoughts about moving so fast. It was obvious that their bodies ignited quickly when they were together, but he didn't want her rushed, didn't want her thinking he just wanted to hump her and then drop her off for the night.

"Baby, I just want to taste that sugar between your legs. I've been dreaming about it…lemme kiss you there the way I want to."

She nodded and shimmied out of her underwear and shorts. He pushed her back down on the couch and opened up her legs. She was limber enough to keep them wide open with her bare heels digging into the couch. He wanted to take his pants off but changed his mind when he saw her face. Nervous desire. They were still new to one another. Something was blossoming between them. It hung in the air. She was so beautiful like that, wide open for him, her hands resting on her abundant thighs, her breasts shiny with his saliva all over them.

"Damn," he sighed when he saw her vulva. No wonder she could get away with those skimpy bikini pictures, she was hairless down there, and her inner labia sat wide open, the crinkly softness so ready for him. Her clit was a swollen jewel and he gripped his erection through his pants to see how hard he was for her.

He reached down and pinched her nipples again and he saw her vulva throb because of his touch and a bit of her clear natural lubricant spilled out from her vagina. He let his thumb glide around her plump clit.

"Yani…damn girl. Pussy tryna get ready for Daddy's dick?"

"Ooohh."

Yani's eyes closed and her lips puckered. His fingers strummed around her clit, teasing, pinching, circling it with deliberate hard pressure until she was moaning for him, her eyes fluttering under her lids.

"Been dreamin' 'bout this pussy, girl."

Her opening throbbed hard again from the sound of his voice and more of her natural lubricant pooled out in a thick stream that dripped down her ass cheeks. Erik let his thumb rub up and down her wet slit and trace down to her anus.

"Killmonger," she whimpered and her fingers circled her clit, those short rounded pink nails of hers so pretty against her glossy folds.

"Play with Daddy's pussy, baby. Do that shit for me," he said.

He pulled on his dick as her fingers flicked her clit. Her pink insides glistened and he finally made the decision to pull his pants off all the way. Her eyes were glued to his shaft. He stroked it a bit just for her to see it grow harder and lift up higher.

"Look how you got my shit," he said.

His slit spilled pre-cum onto his fingers and she saw it, her lips curling up from the sight of it.

"Is that how you played with your pussy while I was gone?"

"Yeah," she gasped.

"You were being so nasty with it," he said, his eyes on her fingers that were now gently sinking into her slit.

She pulled open the fleshy inner lips wider for him.

"Fuck," he said.

He knelt down and pressed his mouth into her center and drank up all the sweetness there. His tongue didn't waste time teasing her too much. He kissed and licked her thighs and tongued down her entire vulva before he even let himself suckle her clit into submission. Her thighs jerked and her hands grabbed his hair.

"Soak this beard baby."

Yani's legs shot up above them and she pressed his face harder into her core. He lifted up and stared down at her. Those big wide eyes were on his face as he slow spit onto her folds. She watched the stringy saliva fall from his lips and land on her clit. Mixing his saliva with her wetness, his fingers traced and pressed her inner folds together, the soft scalloped wings sensitive to the touch as she pulled her knees up to her chest. He shook his beard between her legs drenching himself in her essence. She was close to letting go, her voice raw from calling out his nickname.

His tongue danced around her clit and he felt her breathing become uneven as his tongue swipes purposely missed direct pressure with her nub.

"Want me to lick it again, baby?"

"YES!"

He chuckled at the veracity of her tone. He licked then nibbled her inner labia instead and heard the irritation in her throat as she sucked her teeth.

"You don't like it when I don't give you what you want, huh?"

His tongue tip flicked just under the bud, right near the opening of her urethra and she sucked in a breath. He licked her opening.

"You taste so good. Come taste your pussy, girl."

He rose above her and forced her to raise up to kiss his lips. Her tongue swiped across his lips first and then he stuck out his wide tongue so she could lick and suck it.

"You got a sweet tongue, baby. Will you lick my dick like that?"

A throaty whine fell from her lips and Yani sucked on his tongue like she was giving him head and he groaned with delight over it. Pushing her back down he returned to the apex of her thighs.

He couldn't get over all the pussy throbbing he was seeing, it had his dick bobbing like crazy. He pried her thighs back down to her sides so he could see her face as he ate her pussy nice and proper. He got down to business with her clit and her eyes rolled back in her head. He felt comfortable enough now and let his tongue finally slip inside of her. Her hands shot behind her head and pushed against the couch as her midsection jerked up. He plucked and scissored her clit as his tongue delved inside her core with repetitive and concise thrusts.

"Killmonger…ohmigod…ohmigod…oh…!"

Flicking his tongue in and out of her, he kept his gaze right on her face, and when her eyes met his, she screamed out his name. He felt a bit of clear fluid squirt from her urethra, and her uneven breath punctuated the tight pulling he felt on his tongue as he allowed it to sit in her pussy as her orgasm rolled out from her. The sweet aroma of her folds had him in a daze.

He reached up and squeezed her breasts and there was a release from her nipples too and his tongue popped out of her pussy as he gripped his dick. Her eyes were on him, sweat falling from her face, stomach, and thighs as he lifted up from her body.

What does one do when a Goddess orgasms in front of you? You make an offering of course, and Erik fisted his dick until he was shouting her name out loud and spraying hot semen across her shiny dripping folds, her soft belly, and her heavy wet breasts. Looking down he stared at the picture of her milk rolling over his milky semen coating her brown body once more and she was beautiful. Truly divine.

His hands gripped her thighs as he tried to gather himself, perspiration dripping down his face and falling on her.

"Fu-u-cckk," he gasped and they both laughed.

"Your tongue is dangerous, man," she said stretching her arms out toward him. He pulled her up and gave his mouth to her.

"Your pussy is dangerous. I can see that right now."

"It's yours," she said.

Erik closed his eyes when he heard that and he squeezed her body against his.

"This is my pussy?" he said slipping two fingers into her sticky folds.

"Yes! All yours," she yelped, her eyes squeezing shut as his fingers curled and tapped along her walls making so much noise.

"Listen to all that," he said.

"Killmonger!"

Yani bit on her lips as he wiggled his digits inside of her.

"What?" he teased.

Her head fell back and he held her waist with his free hand, keeping her close as he worked her gushy slit.

"Can your pussy take all this dick?"

Her eyes popped open and she could see that his shaft was plumping up again. His thumb tickled her clit and he played with her folds until she was begging him for his dick.

"I be in that shit deep girl. Can you handle that?"

Her eyes were watery, his finger strokes in complete control of her body. He wanted to be in her so bad. Boxes of ultra-thin condoms sat in the master bedroom. He regretted putting Sydette in that room instead of the other guest bedroom.

"Killmonger…I'm cumming—"

He gasped when he felt her walls clench his fingers and he rode the orgasm out with her as she wailed in his ear all the pleasure she was feeling from his hand.

"Ah, dammit, Yani!"

His mouth covered hers and he circled his fingers gently as he pulled them from her quivering inner muscles. His digits were dripping with her release and he slipped his fingers in his mouth to lick them clean.

Crawling up on the couch he fell back exhausted, his release and hers draining him. If that's how he felt from just eating and playing in her pussy, he worried about how he would handle cumming inside of her. He felt like he had run a damn marathon.

Her head rested on his shoulder and her rapid breathing kept up his non-diminishing excitement. He twisted his gold chain around his hand and pulled her neck toward him.

"Tell me you're mine," he said.

She nodded her head and he shook his.

"I need to hear you say it, Yani."

Her hands cradled his face and he released the chain and leaned into her touch.

"What about you?" she asked.

He leaned back.

"What about me?"

Her piercing eyes held his gaze.

"Are you mine?" she said.

"You don't even have to ask that—" "Yes, I do. You not a one-woman person."

"I can be. For you, I can be."

"I told you I'm not easy. My life ain't easy, Killmonger. I'm a package deal. Understand? I'm no wham-bam jump off. If you just wanna fuck, then say that. We can have fun and then let mi be on mi way."

Her eyes were somber. Serious.

"You plan on fucking other women while you're here? If you are, then I don't want this."

"I just want you."

"For true?"

Questioning eyes stared back at him. How many men told her this? And then lied?

He was no liar.

"You are the only one I want. For as long as I am on this island…you it girl."

"Don't say that unless you really mean it, man…"

Her eyes fell away and she wiped her lids quickly, but he saw the wetness drop from her face.

"Yani…don't cry. C'mon—"

"People use me. Men…they say all the sweet things I want to hear, and then I fall for it until they realize that I'm not here for just a good lay. I have a brain. Opinions. I have a baby who needs me all the time. That's when problems come up—"

"I'm not that dude, Yani. I promise—"

"You can't make me no promises that I can trust. Not yet."

"Then let me prove it to you. I got three, maybe four months here. That's the truth. My life ain't easy either, Ma. On God. I try not to get fully involved with people because I know I won't be around long enough. So yeah, I fuck a lot of women when I can. But this is different. And I shouldn't get involved with you because you have a kid and I've seen how that scenario plays out. I should leave you alone. I know that's what I should absolutely do. I wish I had never met you."

Her eyes shot to his face when he said that.

"I've got issues I struggle with and I do some dirty ass shit out in the world. You already know this. You also know you ain't got no goddamn business messing around with me. You probably wish you never met me either. That's cuz we're in a no-win situation. I know it, and you know it. But we want to play this game anyway—"

"It's not a game to me, Killmonger."

Her lips trembled. He stroked her back.

"What do you want to do then? I don't want to hurt you, but I'm going to be miserable here without you. Straight up."

"What will happen to you in three or four months?"

"I don't know. I work for Klaue and he is unpredictable. It's the nature of our work."

"Why live that kind of life? Can't you do something else? You are so smart, and you must have money because you spent a lot on all of this jewelry…"

Her eyes pleaded with him for an answer that could change their fate.

"There are some things I have to do before I can retire from this life."

"How long?"

"I can't say for sure. That's real talk, Yani."

She leaned away from him and cradled her arms around her waist. He felt his stomach tense with unease. This was the same conversation he'd had before in another life. Without any screaming or throwing of things this time around. It was a rational conversation. It always was. Until feelings got real thick and they were deep into the relationship. He could see the writing on the wall, recognized the same thought patterns coming from Yani, and he still couldn't let go of her. He'd read this book before and the ending was always the same. Anger. Tears. Silence.

"I'll leave it up to you. You can think about it if you want," he said.

"It would just be a waste of time," she said.

Her words stabbed him in the gut. His eyes shut while he silently collected his thoughts on how to move forward.

She crawled back on his lap and he looked at her with surprise on his face.

"I've already wasted three months on your ass thinking about you. Might as well use these next three months being with you."

His face lit up and he grabbed her waist and pulled her in for a hug.

"We are so stupid," she whispered in his ear.

"Yes, we are."

"Just you and me, right?" she asked.

"I told you—"

He let his lips finish the rest of what he wanted to say.

"Mama!"

They laughed when they heard Sydette's voice echo out from the intercom in the room.

"Of course, she would wake up now!" Yani said.

She threw her arms around him and he kissed her, drinking in her mouth deeply. He was breathless and let her go, his knees gone weak.

"MAMA!"

"I'm a mess!" Yani said as she scrambled to pick up her clothes.

Erik slipped on his underwear and pants.

"Go clean up real quick in the master bathroom. I'll entertain her while you wipe up," he said.

They both went to the master bedroom. The light sensors already on the moment the baby moved.

"Hey, Sweet Pea!"

Erik made his voiced excited as Yani rushed past her daughter with her clothes and ran a fast shower. He sat on the edge of the bed and watched Sydette rub her eyes as she sat up. Her big dark eyes gazed at him and she gurgled a few baby words. She crawled over to him and used his arm to lift herself up, grabbing for his earring again.

"Sweet Pea!"

Yani rushed back out, her body still damp despite being clothed again. She lifted Sydette from the bed.

"I better change her, she's wet," she said.

"I'll wash up and start dinner. You are staying for dinner still, right?"

God, please. He didn't want to be alone.

"Yeah. We'll stay for dinner."

He practically ran to the bathroom.

###

Yani found the dinner Erik cooked delicious.

They sat around the dining table talking about the best rice they ever had, island rice versus Gullah rice, as they both ate the curried rice and shrimp he cooked. Sydette sat on her lap sucking down a few grains of rice that Yani mashed up for her and mixed into her strained peas.

She loved that Erik was an attentive listener. She found herself dominating the conversation and revealed some things about herself that she thought was a little too personal, but he wanted to know. She went into full detail of the breakdown of her relationship with Chez and confessed to him about the lackluster dates she'd had since he was gone. He seemed happy to know that she hadn't had intercourse with anyone. She still felt disappointed that he'd been with someone. She didn't ask how many. She didn't want to know that.

They spoke of serious things concerning them having full-on sex. She was on birth control. They agreed to get tested within the next few days and she gave him the name of the clinic she went to. It was all so responsible, uninhibited, and adult. Nothing like when she was with Chez. They spoke of their likes and dislikes in the bedroom, and she let him know that she used anal plugs. His eyes gave her a look that made her body shiver.

He wanted her to stay the night. She knew it for a fact even though he didn't ask her outright. But when dinner was over, and it soon got late from talking again, she asked for them to be taken home.

She needed time away from him to think about and process his return.

Twyla spent the night at Cee Cee's house and she had the bedroom at Leona's to herself. When Sydette was fast asleep, Yani masturbated like crazy. Thinking of Erik's big wide tongue on her private parts made her cum so many times. The way he talked her through orgasms sent her fingers in overdrive. She had to take another shower before she could go to bed properly.

She was nervous, thrilled, anxious, worried, and all so many other emotions while lying there all night. She couldn't sleep. There was also chatter on her social media feed about her and Erik already. A few pictures popped up on her TL and Kendall's feed with her walking with Erik. At least he had his dark shades on, but they made a striking pair holding hands. She worried that Chez would act out again because he was always scouring her feed to see what she was up to. She avoided him since their last encounter, but it was inevitable, as always, that word would get to him about Erik once more. It would probably be best to keep her relationship on the low low. She kept expecting Chez to blow up her phone, or God forbid, show up at the apartment.

When she woke for breakfast, Leona watched her like a hawk.

"You came back late. You were with Mr. Killmonger the whole time?"

"Yes. He made us lunch and dinner. We talked about my schooling and stuff."

Yani tried to keep it platonic sounding, but her Aunt could see the faint markings on her neck from Erik's chain and his teeth.

"What you plan on doing with that man?"

Yani thought her eyes would fall out of her head.

"I thought you liked him, Auntie."

"I do. But I know what he is. Do you?"

"You don't think I should see him?"

"You uh big woman now. Not a child or a teenager. You know what you should or shouldn't do."

"He won't be here long, so it don't matter anyway—"

"It does matter."

"What are you saying to me?"

Yani sat with her spoon in her cereal and Sydette sitting in her high chair right next to her. Leona sipped at her coffee.

"What are you trying to do with him?"

"Nothing."

Leona chuckled, her eyes glancing at Yani's neck.

"Nothing? Okay. You say so, that's how it is. Just be careful. Don't get careless and bring no more babies home—" "Auntie!"

"You heard me. You don't see how he was looking at you? Like him can't wait to plant him seed in you."

"Ohmigod. Really now? I'm not making that mistake again."

"Then you make sure him wrap up tight. He probably got babies all over. Women look at him and want to breed—"

"Please! Auntie! Too early in the relationship for alla that talk."

"Say that with them love bites on your neck, gyal…"

Yani felt her jaw go lax and she ate her cereal full of embarrassment.

"Him really like Sydette," Leona said.

Yani grinned.

"He does."

Leona cleaned her cup and stared at Yani.

"Be careful, Yani."

"I will. Trust."

Leona went into the living room and Yani let out an anxious breath. Her cell buzzed on the table.

Erik.

She answered.

"When can I see you?" he said.

"Can I call you right back?"

"Is something wrong?"

"No, I just need to find a sitter for the baby—"

"Bring her—"

"No, it'll be too much trying to do the walk with her. I'll call you back in five minutes."

Her face was tight from smiling so hard. It was eight in the morning and he was already calling for her time. They had only been separated by nine hours.

"Auntie…"

"Hmmm."

Leona sat on her couch watching her stories on TV.

Yani stood near the couch, her fingers touching a throw pillow.

"Can I have a favor from you-?"

"How long will you be gone?"

Leona's eyes were playful. "Not too long. I'm taking Killmonger to see Twyla on her food tour, and then I want to show him Queen Mary."

Leona sat back in her seat.

"Showing him family stuff?"

"Yeah. Him curious about mi tattoo. He likes food too, so Twyla will give him a good time. Let him see the town…stuff like that. Maybe gone two or three hours."

"Hmmm."

"What that mean, huh?"

"Two or three hours?"

"If you can't, I'll ask Anika or Monice—" "I can watch her. But it won't be for two or three hours. That man been gone a long time. That not enough time for him—"

"Stop. For real, Auntie—"

"I'm just saying. You were gone a long long time yesterday."

"Three hours."

"You say so—"

"I say so!" Yani said tossing a small pillow at her Aunt, "I'll watch Bam for you tonight to make up for your time today."

"Okay, fair trade."

"Why are you looking at me like that."

"You got that look on your face."

"What look?"

"You know what I'm talkin' about. Don't act cute. And don't suck your teeth at me. Have fun."

Yani took a long shower and also cleaned up her daughter. She prepped two bottles in case Sydette was fussy about the jars of baby food Yani was weaning her on. The little girl was holding on to breast milk for as long as possible. Yani was beginning to think it was out of comfort and not nutritional need. Yani had been under stress with her car, keeping Chez at bay and worrying about her finances. It was influencing Sydette's behavior with her.

"You be sweet as pie with Auntie little girl. Hear me? Mama is going to be with Killmonger for a little while, then I come home. Alright?"

"Juice!" Sydette said pointing to her mouth.

"No more juice until dinner. Too much sugar."

Sydette fretted and bent her body back and Yani pulled her forward.

"Stop that. Don't act like Bam. I tell you no, and it's for your own good. You nuh spoiled."

She carried the baby back into the living room and put her on the carpet next to a pile of dolls and a stuffed puppy. Her cell phone vibrated in her pocket and she checked it. A notification from Kendall. She swiped the link and it was a reblogging of a photo of her and Killmonger on an island gossip site.

"Baby Mama Drama!"

The headline was in large red print under the picture of Killmonger carrying Sydette a big dimpled smile on his face with Yani clutching his arm with a grin on her face. Sydette's face was blurred out.

You see this shit? What are you doing Cuz?

Kendall's text made her feel ill.

Yani scanned through the gossip rag and the main take was the open questioning of Sydette's paternity. She read the comments under the screed and trolls were already claiming that Yani had been using Chez for his rap career, but the real father of her child was the mysterious man in the dark shades.

Ignore this shit.

She texted Kendall with more shaky conviction.

I won't respond to any of this.

She felt nervous now. Chez was always checking for that site. He already saw that photo. She was sure of it.

"Auntie, tell Sonya I will watch Bam at her house tonight."

"Why?"

"Give you a break from having kids here all the time."

Leona gave her a strange look as Yani tidied up the apartment.

She did a load of laundry before she called Erik back leaving the house.

"Thought you forgot about me," he said when she drove to the compound in her car.

"I'm on my way to the compound."

"I thought I was picking you up."

"I have to babysit my cousin's son tonight, so I'll need to drive to her house later."

"I could've taken you."

"It's ok, I'll see you in five minutes."

Erik was waiting for her in the driveway as she pulled in and parked. It felt odd coming into Klaue's sphere and not feel guarded. Erik allowed Sydette on the grounds freely, and she herself could walk around like she owned everything. It was interesting to see how Erik's sole presence made the compound feel…welcoming. Open.

He had the S.U.V. ready for them.

"Do I need anything else?" he asked holding bottles of water for them.

"Nope. You're good."

She gave him directions into Havensight and they parked near the tour guide office Twyla worked for. They could see twelve other people standing near the office. Twyla swept out wearing a teal polo shirt with the Tour Company's logo on it and crisp new khaki walking shorts. A pair of tan Birkenstocks covered her feet.

"Hello everyone! It looks like our last two guests have arrived. We will be getting started. If anyone needs to use the restroom now, you can right inside the office. This tour will run for two hours with lunch and drinks included. Please take plenty of photographs and feel free to use me as your model because I am very cute!'

The tour group laughed and it was fun for Yani to see her cousin act so professional.

No one needed the restroom so Twyla started the tour giving a thorough history lesson about the island, the people, and the culture.

There were stops to taste local drinks at several bars where bartenders spoke to the group and Twyla gave facts about the buildings and other architecture influenced by the Dutch and English and Spanish.

She was so good at her job, and Yani felt proud when Erik had several questions for her cousin that Twyla answered with joyous aplomb, even surprising Yani at some facts she herself didn't know.

The time flew by fast and they ended the tour inside of a restaurant that specialized in fried conch. Everyone ate and enjoyed the food, especially Erik, who ate so much conch that he was belching while he drank his beer.

"You have fun?" she asked.

His arm was around her chair and he leaned over and kissed her cheek.

"This was great, but when are you going to tell me about this?"

His fingers stroked the back of her neck, touching her tattoos.

"What you want to know about these?" Twyla said, holding her left wrist up. Inked on her dark sienna skin were the exact same torch and cane blade on Yani's neck.

"She said she would show me," Erik said.

Twyla let a sly smile paint her lips. She glanced at the watch on her arm and stood up.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, this concludes the Havensight Walking Food & Drink Tour. You are free to remain here and continue your merry-making, the tour office is right next door if you would like to check out our other tour offers. Thank you for being a wonderful group, and I am so happy that I made all of your photos so much better with my presence in them!"

Twyla gave a dramatic bow and eased Yani and Erik out of the restaurant.

"I am done until seven when I do the evening Bar Crawl. Should we head over to Blackbeard's Castle?"

"Yeah," Yani said.

She held onto Erik's hand as they walked through tourists.

The castle really wasn't a castle and Twyla explained to Erik that the tower was really a watchtower built by the Danes to spot enemy ships in the Harbor. Erik was not interested in hearing about Danes or any other European history once he spotted the Three Queens Fountain right below the tower.

Riveted by the statues, Erik walked around it staring at the three women depicted holding torches, their backs to one another facing out onto the world. Twyla proudly walked next to Erik.

"Meet Queen Agnes Salomon, Queen Mathilda McBean, and this baddie right here…this is our great-great-great-extra great Grandmother, Queen Mary Thomas, she was from Antigua originally, but came to St. Croix to work on a plantation…"

Yani stood back as Erik stared at the statue of Queen Mary. Each woman wore a dress with an apron over it, head kerchiefs tied over their hair, feet bare, and eyes looking forward and beyond the island. Twyla reverted back to her tour guide voice.

"On the island of St. Croix, October 1, 1878…our Great Gran right here was part of a labor revolt known as the "Fireburn". Our ancestors fought for fair wages and when the White man acted a fool, as he is known to do, the three Queens rose up with their torches and their sugar cane blades and led the Black masses to burn it all down…"

Twyla laughed and Yani looked at Erik whose eyes were shiny with respect.

"Fireburn," Erik said.

"Fiyahbun!" Twyla shouted, startling a few tourists who had wandered down to take pictures of the fountain.

"Where you gon' go burn, Queen?" Yani sang to Twyla.

"She gon' burn it all!" Twyla responded back.

"Respect," Erik whispered, his eyes looking at the statue of Queen Mary.

"The revolt ended after a few days. They burned and tore up what they could to make those Danes understand some new rules. Buildings were burned down, fifty plantations lit up….some lootin' too—"

"Aye, reclamation, Cuz. People collect fair wages that were not given to them," Yani corrected.

"They were takin' shit, man," Twyla chuckled to Erik, "slavery had ended there in 1848, but they treated niggas like sharecroppers in the States, basically making them slaves all over again. People got tired. These women set it off. Life was not good for them and if they couldn't live well, nobody was, burn the whole fucking town down…"

"So the sugar cane blade and the torch…that's your family crest, like a coat of arms even—"

"But we carry it in our skin. For her memory. Remind us what we made of," Yani said.

Twyla nodded.

"Our Mary was sent to Amsterdam and she did jail time. She could've been hung. Thank God she already had her babies before then or else none of us would be here. She was sentenced for arson and lootin', but her death sentence was commuted to life imprisonment," Twyla said.

"What happened to her?"

"She was sent to Copenhagen to do her time but ended up sent back to St. Croix for the remainder of her sentence. Stories and myths surround that part. Some say she escaped the jail, some say she was released. No matter though. We here."

"Yeah," Yani said wiping her eye when she felt a tear start up. Thinking about Queen Mary always made her feel emotional. She wouldn't be alive if it weren't for that woman.

"You can look online and see another statue dedicated to her in Denmark. Twenty-three feet tall. Have our Queen sitting on a throne holding her torch and cane blade. Powerful. They call the statue there 'I Am Queen Mary'," Twyla said.

Yani blinked her eyes to get them focused again and she noticed a few tourists were standing near them listening to Twyla. Always ready to finesse a situation Twyla stood back from the fountain and faced the eavesdroppers.

"If you'd like to learn more about Island history, please go to Havensight Walking Food & Drink Tours!"

She waved her hand at Erik and Yani and they followed her away from the fountain, heading back to the tourist office.

Erik held her hand again. As they waited to cross a street, he leaned over and kissed the back of her neck, his lips covering her tattoos. Her skin prickled with goosebumps.

"Thank you," he said.

"For what?"

"For sharing. Will you let Sydette get the tattoo?"

"Of course. The moment she turns eighteen. It's a rite of passage. We all get one."

"That's dope," he said.

"Well, that's not exactly true, we all don't get one. Some of the family don't believe in marking the body. Mainly the older people," Twyla said.

"My parents didn't want me to get the tattoo, and they won't let my other sisters get them, even when they turn eighteen. We also have a few cousins on our Grandmother's side who don't believe in that—"

"Ridiculous," Twyla said.

"They just don't think we should be doing that. They think it sends the wrong message—"

"The message is clear. Either you are a fighter or you are a sell-out. It doesn't even have to be a big tattoo. Look at me and Yani, discreet, yeah? They can put it places where no one can see it…" Twyla waved her hands at the thought.

"You bitch!"

Yani and the others were barely passing by two buildings not too far from where Erik was parked when a silver car came to a halt right as it started to pull out from a parking spot on the street.

They all stopped wondering who was yelling out the window when Ursula jumped out of the car and ran across the street right up to Yani's face.

Ursula shoved Yani in the arm and Twyla immediately jumped in front of her pushing the woman back.

"Fuck you want?!" Yani shouted, trying to get past Twyla. Erik separated them all.

"Trying to fuck my man in my house, now?!"

"What?!"

"Don't play dumb Yani!"

"I didn't do anything like that!"

Ursula held up her cell.

"So this isn't you on my fucking couch?"

Twyla and Yani stared at the picture.

Sure enough, it was a picture of her sitting on Chez's couch in his house, her skirt looking way too short because of the angle Chez took the photo. Thigh meat just all out.

"Yeah, that's me—"

"In my house!"

"I was only there to get my child support. Chez wanted the kids to play together…"

Twyla glared at Yani like she had lost her mind. Yani felt her face get hot and her voice flustered.

"Nothing happened—"

"Chez said you offered to fuck him for more money!"

Ursula stared at Yani's neck.

"You even have marks on your neck!" she yelled.

"You need to get your man in check! I wouldn't fuck him for no amount of money. I came to get my baby's support and he said Star was asleep and he couldn't come bring me my cash. I went to get it and your baby woke up. He wanted the girls to be together and I sat on your couch so they could. But he tried to blackmail me with the money. He didn't want to give it to me unless I gave him some. But I didn't."

"He tried to force you?" Erik asked. His eyes were heated.

"He don't want you!" Ursula shouted.

Yani felt eyes from people watching the circus they were displaying. She wanted to fall into the ocean.

Twyla stepped up.

"That nigga been wanting Yani back! That's why he tried to beat her ass when he saw her with this nigga right here-!"

"Yani, he put hands on you?" Erik pulled her aside.

"He was waiting for me at Auntie's. I told you people would talk at the restaurant. Somebody told him about you."

Yani's voice began to crack. She felt mortified that this was happening in such a public way.

"You wanted to have sex with him," Ursula insisted.

"No, I didn't."

"Oh, so you didn't ask him what you needed to do to get the money?"

Ursula dialed a number and put her phone on speaker.

"Yeah?"

They all heard Chez's voice.

"I got that bitch right in front of me. Did she or did she not ask you what you wanted her to do in our house?"

"Ursula, get me off the fucking phone!"

"No, the slut is right here denying everything. We're gonna clear up the whole thing right now!"

"I'm not a slut!"

Yani slapped Ursula and when the other woman rushed forward, Erik held her back from Yani.

"Where this nigga live?" Erik asked. His voice was calm but tight.

"I can show you exactly where he lives!" Twyla said.

"Erik, don't, I don't want this…." Yani said tugging on his arm, pulling him away from Ursula.

"Who are you with?!" Chez shouted on the speaker.

"Her real baby faddah. This trick is using you. She's out here with that guy from the pictures online."

It was too much.

Twyla ready to throw hands and Erik with smoke nearly coming out of his ears. The cacophony of arguing voices wore Yani down.

"Come on!" Twyla yelled grabbing Yani's arm and pulling her toward the parking lot.

When they buckled into the S.U.V., Yani tried to dissuade Erik. Twyla yelled out Chez's address and Erik tore out of the parking lot.

"How come you didn't tell me he hurt you?"

Erik's raised voice was chilling to hear.

"He slammed her on Auntie's car. Had Yani by the throat. If I hadn't heard them and come outside, she might be dead—"

"Don't say that! He wouldn't kill me—"

"Yani, he had you in a chokehold! I saw him slam you on the fucking hood!"

Her cousin's fingers reached from the backseat to wipe Yani's face.

"Stop crying," Twyla said in a softer tone.

"This nigga tried to choke you out and he held Sydette's money over your head? Yani…"

Erik couldn't even finish his sentence. He leaned into the wheel as they sped toward Red Hook.

"Turn up here, man," Twyla said.

"Which house is it?" Erik asked.

"The white one, right there. Park over there," Twyla said.

Snatching the keys from the ignition, Erik stepped out from the S.U.V. and slammed the door.

"Y'all wait out here—"

"Nah, I'm coming to see this."

Twyla followed behind Erik. Yani jumped out and ran up to Erik pulling on his arm.

"Yani, stop!" Erik barked, yanking his arm away from her.

Banging on the front door, the moment Chez opened it, topless and in baggy jeans trying to zip up his fly, Erik snatched him by his throat and man-handled him back inside the house.

"Nigga what?!" Twyla shouted barging in.

Yani ran in and was shocked to see another woman in the house half-dressed on the couch.

"You fucking put hands on her?!"

Erik pressed his face close to Chez. Slamming him against the farthest wall in the living room, he took his right hand and continually bitch-slapped Chez.

"Fuck!" Chez kept yelling as Erik busted his lip. The slaps kept coming.

The woman on the couch tried to jump up.

"Sit your ass down!" Twyla yelled standing over her. The woman sat back and they all watched Erik's hand brutalize Chez's face.

"If you ever in your natural Black life touch her again, I will put you in the fucking ground. If you try to force her to have sex for money, I will put you in the fucking ground. From now on you will take her child support and give it to her Aunt one hour before she leaves for church on Sundays. If you are late, I will fuck you up. You won't talk to her, stalk her, or bother her for anything. If you want your daughters to have playtime, they will have it at her Aunt's house when she is not there and there is supervision watching you—"

"I can do that!" Twyla volunteered.

Yani's hand went to her mouth. She heard feet running to the front door and Ursula burst in. Twyla was on her fast.

"Don't move or you will catch hands too," Twyla said.

Yani watched Erik shake Chez like a rag doll before he slammed him one last time against the wall. Chez's pants had slipped off of his hips. He didn't have underwear on and they could see his pubic hairs and the root of his dick.

"Don't even look her way, nigga!"

Erik threw Chez down on the floor. Ursula rushed over, but her eyes finally noticed the half-naked woman on her couch.

"Who the fuck is this? Chez?!"

"How you get 'em is how you lose 'em, bitch!" Twyla screeched.

She grabbed Yani's hand and pulled her toward the front door.

Chez yanked up his pants and tried to fight back, but Erik kicked him in the balls sending him squat on his ass. Reaching for the table lamp he fell near, Chez threw it at Erik who ducked. The lamp shattered against the coffee table and Ursula screamed when Erik punched Chez square in the jaw. A sickening crack was heard.

"Erik! Stop! Please!" Yani shouted. She ran to him and threw her arms around his waist pulling him back, "He's still Sweet Pea's faddah."

For some reason, her Auntie's words from months back fell from her lips. Chez was a terrible person. But he still was the father of her only child. Erik would kill him for her and not even blink an eye doing it. Too much.

"He won't do anything ever again. I swear. Him learn his lesson, yeah? I don't want you to go to jail. Killmonger—"

She burst into tears, her eyes glancing at Chez, his face looking worse than when he beat up her last boyfriend Zachary. She buried her face in Erik's back.

"Okay…baby…it's over…"

Erik turned around, wiped his right hand on the back of his pants and threw his arms around her.

"I'll take you home," he whispered and kissed her forehead.

Everyone else in the room was quiet, the only sound was Chez gasping. Twyla opened the front door for them and Erik turned toward Ursula.

"Your man is a liar, a woman beater, and a cheat. Always will be," he said.

The other woman gathered her things and ran out past them, not even looking back.

"Better not be any cops called on us," Twyla spat as she followed them out of the house.

Yani wiped her face with her hand.

"I wish you didn't do that," she said with a shaky voice.

"I had to. Men like him brutalize women because they can. Now he knows he can't do that to you anymore."

"What if he doesn't pay his money? What if he blames me for his ass getting kicked—"

"That nigga is going to pay. Trust me on that. I'll be back over here again if he tries to be funny with Sydette's money."

"I'm scared."

Erik stopped.

"Why? I'm here."

"There's a picture of us floating around a gossip site and it's telling people that you are Sydette's Dad and that I used Chez. He might have people come after me because of that."

"Gyal, ain't nobody coming after you. Not after that ass whopping in there. Even Ursula scared of him," Twyla said waiting for Erik to open up the S.U.V. for them. He unlocked the car but stood next to Yani. Twyla climbed into the back seat and waited for them.

"I wanted you to stay in the car so you wouldn't have to see that."

"I didn't want you to kill him."

"I wouldn't kill him."

But he would do it. If she asked him to. She was sure of that. And if Chez had forced himself on her, he would be a dead man right now. As it stood he probably had a broken jaw for his fuckery.

Erik was a force of nature and he frightened her.

But he excited her also.

A little too much.

###

Part 11

Tag List:

@fd-writes​ @soufcakmistress  @cherrystainedlipsbaby @tclaybon  @thadelightfulone

@allhailqueennel @bartierbakarimobisson @cpwtwot @shookmcgookqueen @yoyolovesbucky

@raysunshine78 @the-illllest @terrablaze514  @l-auteuse @amirra88 @jimizwidow @janelledarling

@chaneajoyyy @sweetestdream92 @purple-apricots @blackpinup22 @hennessystevens-udaku

@scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade @bugngiz @stariamrry  @honeytoffee @meilintheempressofdreams

[helloyellowwords]

continuous themes on lover, the album, by taylor swift (not exhaustive, but I TRIED)

colours (obviously, lots of blue):

London Boy: show me a gray sky // faded blue jeans

Soon You’ll Get Better: holy orange bottles // i'll paint the kitchen neon

Afterglow: blew things out of proportion, now you're blue

ME!:but one of these things is not like the others like a rainbow with all of the colors

Lover: my heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue

Cruel Summer: it's blue, the feeling i've got

I Think he Knows: indigo eyes

Miss Americana: we're so sad, we paint the town blue

Paper Rings: i'm with you even if it makes me blue which takes me back to the color that we painted your brother's wall

Daylight: i once believed love would be black and white but it's golden // i once believed love would be burning red but it's golden

It’s Nice to Have a Friend: Light pink sky

night/dark:

I Forgot That You Existed: but then something happened one magical night

The Archer: i wake in the night, i pace like a ghost

Daylight: i've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night // Or the things that haunt me in the middle of the night

I Think He Knows: i whisper in the dark// go there every night

Cruel Summer: Fever dream high in the quiet of the night// every night that summer just to seal my fate 

Paper Rings: now i wake up in the night and watch you breathe // kiss me once 'cause you know I had a long night (Oh)

Death By A Thousand Cuts: Flashbacks waking me up

light:

I Forgot That You Existed: lived in the shade you were throwing 'til all of my sunshine was gone, gone, gone

Cruel Summer: so cut the headlights

Afterglow:this ultraviolet morning light below // Meet me in the afterglow

Daylight: everyone looked worse in the light // and now i see daylight, i only see daylight

Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince i'm lost in the lights

it's brighter now, now

Cornelia Street: as if the street lights pointed in an arrowhead

Lover: we could leave the christmas lights up 'til january

Death By A Thousand Cuts: Chandelier's still flickering here

Soon You’ll Get Better: doctor's office lighting

YNTCD: Sunshine on the street at the parade

uhm, drinks and being...not sober:

Cruel summer: i'm drunk in the back of the car and i cried like a baby coming home from the bar 

Paper rings: the moon is high like your friends were the night that we first met // the wine is cold

Cornelia Street: drunk on something stronger than the drinks in the bar

Death By A Thousand Cuts: I get drunk, but it's not enough // Gave up on me like I was a bad drug

London Boy:Tennessee whiskey // Drinking in the afternoon (Yeah)

False God: Got the wine for you

YNTCD: But you're takin' shots at me like it's Patrón

seasons/weather:

Lover: i've loved you three summers now, honey, but i want 'em all

Cruel Summer: every night that summer just to seal my fate (oh)

ME!: livin' in winter, i am your summer // And when we had that fight out in the rain

Cornelia Street: windows flung right open, autumn air

Miss American: and now the storm is coming

Paper Rings: in the winter, in the icy outdoor pool //i want your dreary mondays

towns/places:

I Forgot That You Existed: free rent, living in my mind // would've fought the whole town, so yeah

Miss Americana: american glory faded before me // we paint the town blue

Cornelia Street: and baby, i get mystified by how this city screams your name

Daylight: maybe i've stormed out of every single room in this town // my love was as cruel as the cities i lived in // back and forth from new york (sneaking in your bed)

Death By A Thousand Cuts: our country, guess it was a lawless land // the only thing we share is this small town

London Boy: I love my hometown as much as Motown (and basically the entire song)

False God: Staring out the window like I’m not your favorite town // I'm New York City you're the West Village

home: 

Cornelia Street: as if the street lights pointed in an arrow head leading us home // memorize the creaks in the floor // walk me back to that apartment

London Boy: They say home is where the heart is But that's not where mine lives

Its Nice to Have A Friend: Feels like home

False God: years ago, we were just inside barefoot in the kitchen

Lover // and this is our place, we make the rules // Take me out, and take me home

Death By A Thousand Cuts: I take the long way home

I Think He Knows: When we get all alone, I'll make myself at home

Paper Rings: Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet

death/blood/fighting/conflict:

The Archer (obviously): combat, i'm ready for combat // i've been the archer, i've been the prey // i pace like a ghost

Cruel Summer: what doesn't kill me makes me want you more // summer's a knife// and if i bleed, you'll be the last to know // i'm not dying // killing me slow, out the window

I Forgot That You Existed: and i thought that it would kill me, but it didn't

and ran for my life 

Afterglow: I pinned your hands behind your back, thought I had reason to attack, but no// Fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves// Tell me this love is worth the fight, oh

Death By A Thousand Cuts

conflicting emotions/ secrecy:

The Archer: I've got a hundred thrown-out speeches i almost said to you // I say I don't want that, but what if I do?

Cruel Summer: and if i bleed, you'll be the last to know // i don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you // and i snuck in through the garden gate // said, "i'm fine," but it wasn't true

daylight: sneaking in your bed

Death By A Thousand Cuts: ’Cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not

Soon You’ll Get Better: I just pretend it isn't real // I didn't tell you I was scared

childhood/youth:

The Archer: i never grew up, it's getting so old // All the king's horses, all the king's men couldn't put me together again

I Think He Knows: it's like i'm 17, nobody understands // He got that boyish look that I like in a man

London Boy: like a child when our eyes meet

Miss Americana: I'm crazier for you than I was at 16

rules/games

Cruel Summer: devils roll the dice // no rules in breakable heaven

Daylight: there are so many lines that i've crossed unforgiven

Miss Americana: you play stupid games, you win stupid prizes // voted most likely to run away with you // my team is losing, battered and bruising // i see the high fives between the bad guys

Lover: and this is our place, we make the rules

spiritual

Cruel Summer: he looks up, grinning like a devil // devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes // no rules in breakable heaven

Soon You’ll Get Better: Desperate people find faith, so now I pray to Jesus too

False God (the whole song): Religion's in your lips even if it's a false god // We'd still worship this love // The altar is my hips // I know heaven's a thing I go there when you touch me, honey

Hell is when I fight with you // Make confessions and we’re begging for forgiveness

Cornelia Street: Sacred new beginnings that became my religion, listen

school/classrooms:

I forgot that you existed: laughed on the school yard as soon as I tripped up and hit the ground, ground, ground.

miss Americana: they whisper in the hallway, "she's a bad, bad girl" // the whole school is rolling fake dice

It's Nice To Have a Friend (the entire song, but specifically:) school bell rings, walk me home

London Boy: we are watching rugby with his school friends

Stories:

Cornelia Street: We were a fresh page on the desk Filling in the blanks as we go

Death By A Thousand Cuts: But if the story’s over, why am I still writing pages?

driving/car/streets:

Paper Rings: I want to drive away with you

The Archer: I jump from the train, I ride off alone

I Think He Knows: His footprints on the sidewalk lead to where I can't stop // He got my heartbeat skipping down 16th Avenue // hand on my thigh we could follow the sparks, I'll drive 

Cornelia Street: We were in the backseat // I say casually in the car // You hold my hand on the street

Death By A Thousand Cuts: I ask the traffic lights if it'll be alright they say, "I don't know"

London Boy: a rainy cab ride

False God: They say the road gets hard and you get lost

It's Nice to Have A Friend: Sidewalk chalk covered in snow

burn/fire:

The Archer // The room is on fire, invisible smoke

Afterglow: Chemistry 'til it blows up, 'til there’s no us // I'm the one who burned us down

Miss Americana: American stories burning before me

Daylight: Clearing the air, I breathed in the smoke

Taylor just being so, so in love

Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close? 

It's you and me, that's my whole world // It's you and me, there's nothing like this

you are the only one who seems to care

Three times 'cause I waited my whole life

Darling, you're the one I want

Just wanna be with you, wanna be with you

You're the only one of you, baby, that's the fun of you

I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you. I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you

I want you, bless my soul

You know I adore you, I'm crazier for you

I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover

All's well that ends well to end up with you

Swear to be over dramatic and true to my lover

This originally started out as 3 subtitles and then as I was going through the lyrics I found SO MANY THEMES and i was like “???” because I had never even picked up on them before. So before I knew it I was going through the lyrics for the 3rd time and being mind blown. There’s still some more subtle themes I didn’t list (for e.g hopelessness, fear and more!) but I did a lot!! Hope you enjoyed, this took forever!!

p.s do I want to make one of these theme lists for every song Taylor has ever written...mayhaps. It would simply be so interesting because Taylor constantly refers to old songs and !! but I know it would take forever to go through her whole discography :(( Perhaps I’ll do this with some other albums separately though!

[alediazpizarro]

Senior Soundtrack

Music is a love language. Lo he tuiteado, lo he dicho, y —con ustedes— lo he vivido. Parte de mis 7 años en ASF ha sido la música que he compartido: canciones que son intereses en común, recomendaciones, o hasta tracks de obras de teatro que nunca voy a borrar de mi memoria. After all, de eso se trata la música en parte: de acordarse. Y sepan que cada vez que oiga una de las canciones en esta lista, va junto con su recuerdo. A todos ustedes, de todo corazón, gracias. No sé que sería de mi vida sin ustedes.

Les dejo la playlist que construyeron conmigo, whether you knew it or not, de 2014 para acá.

PS: si no aparece su nombre en esta lista de canciones, lo único que quiere decir es que we have yet to share a song. Los adoro a todos. 

Abarca

Burn · Lin Manuel Miranda You have the voice of an angel, and every time I think of this song I no longer hear it in Philippa Soo’s voice, but in yours.

Tuyo · Rodrigo Amarante Dancing Kermit.

Alexander

"Eungenio” Salvador Dalí · Mecano We love the music, hate the lyrics.

Na Na Na · My Chemical Romance Debate bus trips. Blasting it from the backseat, with Nesquik and cold pasta at hand.

I’m Not Okay · My Chemical Romance “¿Estos son los Rolling Stones?”

Being Alive · Stephen Sondheim Life’s dream: be Bobby. Not literally. That would suck.

If I Could Tell Her · Benj Pasek & Justin Paul You once said this is the song you would dedicate to me. Though I think we’ve grown past that, I will always remember how warm it made me feel when you said it.

Ana

Isle of Flightless Birds · Twenty One Pilots Ya sé que me odias, pero DARARAAAARAAA

I’m Low on Gas and You Need a Jacket · Pierce The Veil El concierto que más he disfrutado en mi vida (and that’s saying a lot), y parte de por qué fue porque fui contigo. Lloramos en esta canción y en el video que grabé con mi horrible teléfono se oye lo feo que cantamos. 

In the Aeroplane Over the Sea · Neutral Milk Hotel De un Tiktok (de miles) que me mandaste pero de los pocos que sí abrí.

Numb · Linkin Park WAWAWAWAWAWA 

Anna

Fashionista · Jimmy James Really obscure pre-middle school memory, pero every time it gets stuck in my head me acuerdo de ver el lyrics video en el ballet y la miss Celia regañándonos.

Ari

Life Itself · Glass Animals It slaps. Plus, concert.

Remember When · Wallows My favorite song in my “Drive” playlist, cada vez que sale I remember sitting in the backseat of your dad’s car and you turning the volume up so we could drive over the Reforma speed limit with this blasting.

The Cave of Two Lovers · That LSD guy from Avatar SECRET TUNNEL!!!!!!!! SECRET TUNNEL!!!! THROUGH THE MOUNTAIN!!!! SECRET SECRET SECRET SECRET TUNNEEEEEEEL!!!! (No Spotify version, so here’s the surf rock cover.)

Covarrubias

Toxic · A Static Lullaby Flashbacks a clase de Ms. Miranda en 7º.

Back to Black · Amy Winehouse No puedo oír esta canción sin acordarme de tu audición para Grease. Rizzo could-have-been?

Diana

The Adults Are Talking · The Strokes Es chill yet vaguely nostalgic Diana vibes to the max.

Stuck on the Puzzle · Alex Turner Thank you for liking Alex Turner. :`)

Dark Red · Steve Lacy Memorias de una tarde que pasamos armando Repentinos con una mini guillotina y pláticas de Dinamarca.

Diego

Thinking of a Place · The War on Drugs La primera que me recomendaste, y la mejor para manejar de noche.

Vissi d’Arte · Giacomo Puccini No creo que hubiera visto Tosca si no me la hubieras recomendado. Qué bueno que lo hiciste, porque esta aria se volvió de mis favoritas. 

Money · Pink Floyd Alguna vez jugamos music trivia en el salón de Stearns y me acuerdo de que yo todavía no la ubicaba pero tú la adivinaste sin problema. Years later, eres la persona que sé que le gusta Pink Floyd tanto como a mí. Lástima de Roger. :(

Layla · Derek & The Dominoes Este año tuve un classic rock renaissance que empezó, you guessed it, cuando me recomendaste esta. Clapton no falla.

Klavierkonzert Nr. 21, No. 2 “Andante” · Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart También me hiciste escuchar mucha más música clásica de la que conocía, y aprendí a disfrutarla. Esta sigue siendo mi favorita.

Sara · Fleetwood Mac De las pocas de Fleetwood Mac que no conocía pero que me recomendaste en uno de esos exchanges a las 12 am y que oí con audífonos in the dark.

Resguardum Ether · León Larregui También de las pocas de este cuate que nunca había oído pero que se volvió de mis favoritas.

Fer

Good Life · OneRepublic Buenas vibes.

Can’t Fight This Feeling · REO Speedwagon Horton --> improvised conciertos en el baño.

What the Heck I Gotta Do · Lin Manuel Miranda Más conciertos de regadera/vestidor en lo que nos arreglamos juntas.

Beth · KISS El club Glee y el karaoke en el Wii.

Miss Jackson · Panic! At The Disco No lo vas a admitir, pero te gusta mi música y lo sabes. Anytime que dudas, sólo es cuestión de ponerte esta.

The Man · The Killers Nada como nuestros buenos trips manejando de noche.

Fernando

The Bad Touch · Bloodhound Gang You and me, baby, we ain’t nothing but mammals...

EugeRiq

This Life · Vampire Weekend Siempre que la oigo pienso en ti.

I Wear Glasses · Mating Ritual Me la recomendaste en alguna de mis countless Close Friends stories.

Jose

I’m Gonna Be (500 Miles) · The Proclaimers Picture it: a gaggle of eight or so kids marching around Cumbres de Santa Fe loudly screaming this in a terrible Scottish accent after watching a horror movie.

Somebody Else · Clones of Clones A bop!

Ocean Man · Ween I will only say four words: Lord of the Flies.

Lauro

Desencuentro · Residente ft. Soko Clases de Domínguez contigo were always lovely. Plus, who could forget the iconic “NO HAY SEÑAL”?

I Don’t Know How to Love · The Drums Otra de cuando we were still developing our own music tastes.

Luz

Papaoutai · Stromae De cuando estábamos haciendo Haiti research and really wanted to get into the francophone mindset.

Moonlight Sonata · Ludwig Van Beethoven Those Knowledge Bowl kids never saw it coming.

Beware of the Boys (Mundian To Bach Ke) · Panjabi MC Memoria tangible de Vancouver: cuando pusiste esta en el restaurante indio al que fuimos.

Madison

I Know Things Now · Stephen Sondheim No sé cuántas veces me ayudaste a ensayar esta canción. Me ayudaste muchísimo todo Into the Woods, y desde ahí en 6º sé que te tengo como amiga.

Mare

Rumour Has It · Adele ¿Te acuerdas del proyecto que hicimos de Mr. Kamm en 7º estilo “fleas on rats”? Literal después de que usamos esta canción ya no puedo cantar las lyrics de la original.

Mariana

Bitter Sweet Symphony · The Verve La oíamos dizque “para concentrarnos” en el salón de Austin.

Pas de Quatre from Swan Lake · Piotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky De cuando te fui a ver bailar ballet con Fran. :)

Tú y Yo Somos Uno Mismo · Timbiriche EL SOL

Manu

Fly Away · Laid Back The moment you played this at Montero’s party you literally made everyone be vibing. It’s like the Fairy Godmother of Chill. That was also the day you stopped being “Manu from TEDx” and were just “Manu” there on. Probably ‘cause you appreciated my ability to drive a stick. :`)

MDRH

Choke · I Don’t Know How But They Found Me I wouldn’t like this Dallon spinoff as much as I do without you. It’s like emo, but evolved, mature— like you. In a good, compliment-y way.

Oceans · Frank Iero Remember when we were gonna see him in concert? :( Thanks for being the only person with whom I can enjoy weird throaty emo screamy shit. At least the guitar is good.

House of Wolves · My Chemical Romance Something about the aggressive guitar and fast pace of this song has always reminded me of you.

Mich

Tear in my Heart · Twenty One Pilots Your Koreaboo initiation before you even knew it.

The Kids Aren’t Alright · Fall Out Boy Remember the lyrics from this I wrote as a dedication in your eighth grade yearbook? I meant them. 

I Write Sins Not Tragedies · Panic! At The Disco I CHIME IN—

She’s My Winona · Fall Out Boy Something about Folie à Deux, and especially about this song, always carries a you vibe.

Perfect · Simple Plan From when you got angsty and Montes called you out on it. Then it became a bit of a joke.

One of THOSE Nights · The Cab Back in seventh grade, this was the most ambitious crossover ever attempted. 

Montse

I Want To Hold Your Hand · The Beatles De cuando saturamos la rockola del Johnny Rocket’s con 15 canciones y pensaron que no servía. But we knew. Plus, a really fun Snapchat video de nosotras bajando las escaleras a tambos y aplausos con esta canción.

Something · The Beatles Too bad Eric Clapton stole George Harrison’s wife.

I Am the Walrus · The Beatles Want to feel what it’s like to do acid without actually doing it? Play this song on Rock Band!

Don’t You (Forget About Me) · Simple Minds De la única pijamada que me han dejado hacer, donde vimos tu película favorita. An unforgettable night with an unforgettable person.

Pato

Hit the Back · King Princess The best experience of my life was one I’m glad I shared with you. Still want to murder those Rock Lobster loiterers though— blocked us from KP. >:(

Just the Same · Bruno Major I had never heard of him, but to be next to you enjoying him, with our KP t-shirts in my bag and just-refilled water bottles, was one of the highlights of my night.

The Louvre · Lorde Remember when we played Melodrama in your bedroom? This is the song that I feel best captivates that: shoes on the floor, laying softly on the bed, sunlight streaming in through the window, the vinyl spinning, and a general feeling of levity.

No You Girls · Franz Ferdinand Friendly reminder of literally the worst physical experience of our lives. :))))

The Other Side of Paradise · Glass Animals The first GA song I ever showed you, which is a nice chain thing because it’s the first GA song I ever listened to that Jordan showed me. And a birthday vinyl we played in your room.

Romina

The Only Thing · Sufjan Stevens This entire album is your personality. Sorry, I don’t make the rules.

Futile Devices · Sufjan Stevens Same as above. It’s not your fault you’re a Sufjan Suf-stan. But every time I listen to Sufjan I remember you playing him at the Open Mic. That’s a very nice feeling.

Mama · My Chemical Romance Indisputably goes HARD and hey what are mommy issues without a little angst/general gender confusion?

Sam

Goodie Bag · Still Woozy El día del college fair que estuvimos juntas al principio y conocimos a la USC rep que nos cagó traías tu camisa de Still Woozy. Since then, el grupo me recuerda a ti.

Vale

Heart of Glass · Miley Cyrus Tú viviste esta out-of-body transcendental experience al mismo tiempo que yo, el día de mi cena. 

Don’t Stop · Fleetwood Mac Espero que ya te guste Rumours completo. :)

Yuhis

Chiquitita · ABBA I didn’t know you could sing. After listening to you sing this one (and almost crying), I wondered why you didn’t do it more often.

Beauty School Dropout · Frankie Avalon I am sorry pero literal I can only think of this song in your voice. Iconic!

Gracias por todo. Los quiero. Los voy a extrañar.

[janiedean]

Man, you have no idea how much I hate you. I hate you so much that I’m going to force you to choose between THREE songs to analyze. “Shut out the Light”, “Gypsy Biker” and “The Promise”. I’d wish you best of luck, but I so highly dislike you, that I wouldn’t DARE to offer you such a kindness. (Also, I'm just not sure if you've analyzed any of those yet so I'm covering my bases.)

HELLO ANON THIS IS AN OLD ASK BUT SPRINGSTEEN DAY IS COMING and therefore I’m going with my favorite out of the two I had left (I’ll do the other one asap tho!

*DRUM ROLL*

So: The Promise is one of those mythical songs from Bruce’s vault, in the sense that it’s from the late seventies and everyone knew it existed to the point that it was supposed to be the title-song instead of Darkness on that record but instead he never properly published it because it was too personal and he could never find the right version, which is why there’s like fifteen different takes of it in between the one on tracks, the one on the promise boxset with all the darkness outtakes, the ten live versions and so on - basically he was reworking it for literal years. So I’m just going with my favorite version - I mean I love them all but this one to me is.. just… IT SPEAKS TO ME MORE THAN THE OTHERS? idk but I love this one above all others ;_; (I think I like that it starts slow and goes into full band while the others tend to go either all band all piano idk)

Now, context: in order to get what’s behind this, you need to know that post-Born to Run he ended up in a trial with his former manager of his first two records out of contractual reasons (tldr: the contract he signed at the beginning was shitty and the manager didn’t want to settle for new conditions he found more favorable/fair) that lasted two years and during which he couldn’t publish anything because in the contractual drama there were also song rights involved. So: it was not the best time of his life and he felt it as a betrayal of sorts since he was actually close to the guy and considered him a friend.

With that said, let’s go at it:

Johnny works in a factory and Billy works downtownTerry works in a rock and roll band looking for that million-dollar soundMe sometimes I don’t do nothing, some spend a lot of time aloneSome nights I go to the drive-in and some nights I stay home

Now: the two people in the first line are probably imaginary and they’re there to establish a situation, in the sense that factory and downtown are two types of job that he could have had and his friends could have had, while the third one is relevant to our discussion because he works in a rnr band looking for that million-dollar sound, which is what *he* was doing up until he actually published Born to Run and hit it.

And then, he doesn’t do nothing, spends time alone etc., which is (according to his autobiography too) what he was doing when he couldn’t write or record music thanks to the trial and when he was starting to hit a fairly bad phase in his life. So: he’s basically staying on his own with his thoughts. Not good.

Now: he goes to the drive-in.

I followed that dream just like those guys do way up on the screenRode down the Challenger down Route 9 trough the dead ends and all the bad sceneWhen the promise was broken, I cashed in a few of my own dreams

Key elements we have here: dreams and cars.

Now: follow that dream is the title of another seminal mythical Springsteen bootleg which also sums up a lot of his philosophy, and it’s in a few other songs of his, but in this case: he followed that dream the way people did in the movies, meaning, making music, but that can also apply to anyone trying to make their way through life following some dream they have.

Now: the Challenger is a car which is one of his most basic metaphors, and in this case he rides it ‘through dead ends and bad scenes’, but it’s kind of obvious that it’s about his music, not a car, which he brought through dead ends and bad scenes meaning all the false starts he had until he could actually publish his records.

And then the promise was broken and he cashed in a few of his dreams, meaning that when the legal drama started, he saw it as a broken promise which eventually ended up having to sell his music ie his dreams, which was not what he was hoping for when he went into the business. Actually:

Well now I built that Challenger by myself, but I needed money and so I sold itAnd I lived a secret I should’ve kept to myself, but I got drunk one night and I told itAll my life I fought the fight, the one that no man can ever winEvery day it just gets harder to live the dream I’m believing inThunder Road, here one ride in the morning till it turns lightThunder Road, there’s something dying out on the highway tonight

‘I built that Challenger by myself’ = I wrote that music by myself obviously, and ‘I needed money and so I sold it’ = ‘I signed a bad contract also to survive and bring it to the people’, but that goes into the main narrative of the *fictional character* he’s singing about who has built that car and then sold it. But what’s the real deal in this is the middle section ie I fought the fight no man can ever win + it gets harder to live the dream I’m believing in, as in, we’re back to the main themes of the album consisting in how following your dream doesn’t necessarily means getting what you want nor the end of your problems/fights (the fight that no man can ever win) and living in it can turn into a nightmare (because it gets harder).

Now: the Thunder road part in the refrain has another double meaning because it’s, again, both the title of one of his most iconic songs and the title of a noir movie (remember: he goes to the drive in and wants to live his dreams like people on a screen from before), and we have a) one ride in the morning until the light comes (hopeful imagery), b) something dying on the highway tonight (negative imagery), so that dream he achieved - or anyone else - can either end up hopeful or wrong and it can even be both at the same time, or maybe you can hope it goes well while in truth it’s wrong. Who knows. IT’S UP TO THE INTERPRETER.

Well now I won big once and I hit the coast, oh but somehow I paid that big costI feel like I was carrying the broken spirits of all the other ones who lostWhen the promise is broken you can go on living, but, man, it steals something from down in your soulLike when the truth is spoken, but it don’t make no difference, something in your heart grows coldWell I followed that dream in the southwestern flats to the dead ends and a two-bit barsWhen the promise was broken I was far away from home sleeping in the backseat of a borrowed car

And now we’re at the big guns.

‘I won big once and I hit the coast’: general enough that you can see yourself in it if it happened to you, but if you know the backstory you know it’s about him finally getting to publish his music and somehow paying that big cost anyway (count that in between that, the previous contractual conditions and having to pay off contracts and so on he was half-broke at least until the River tour);

‘the broken spirits of all the other ones who lost’: he feels like even if he won or partially won, he’s still feeling a kinship with anyone else who went through the same situation;

‘you go on living but it steals something down in your soul’: whenever someone breaks your trust in such a bad way when you were intimate friends or partners or whatever even if you go on it breaks something in you that might never change back and it’s actually… a very… universal thing I mean it’s true that if you get betrayed by someone you’re close to it’s usually a bad blow, which goes hand in hand with the ‘something in your heart goes cold’ the moment someone tells you the truth and for you it changes nothing when it should;

the final line is more his fictional character than him, but it lines up with the rest because we have again following a dream through dead ends and he sleeps in the seat of a borrowed car, because he sold the one he made with his own hands and so the breaking of that promise goes with having to sleep somewhere that’s not his and that he can’t relate to and that he feels like has been stolen from him - and he’s also far away from home ie in the place he should feel safest/more at ease.

And:

Thunder Road, here’s one for the lost lovers and all the fixed gamesThunder Road, here’s one for the tires rushing by in the rainThunder Road, remember me and Terry what we’d sayThunder Road, we’re gonna take it all and throw it all away

We’re back at the Thunder Road refrain, where it stands for: a) lost lovers/fixed games ie all the relationships he lost and all the *games* that he hadn’t thought existed before going into the business, b) tires rushing by in the rain ie an image of someone running away in a car under the rain which is not exactly a good omen but still is about getting out of a situation you don’t like, c) something he and the friend in the band used to say, which is d) we’re taking it all and throwing it all away which is the exact same idea as the it’s a town full of losers and we’re pulling out of here to win of Thunder Road’s ending, except that TR’s is optimistic, this one is more ‘we said we would do it and then look at how we ended up’. It’s probably interesting to note that Terry is also the name of the friend in Backstreets with whom the protagonist has a falling out thanks to a supposed betrayal:

Blame it on the lies that killed us Blame it on the truth that ran us down You can blame it all on me Terry It don’t matter to me now When the breakdown hit at midnight There was nothing left to say But I hated him And I hated you when you went away Laying here in the dark You’re like an angel on my chest Just another tramp of hearts Crying tears of faithlessness Remember all the movies, Terry We’d go see Trying to learn to walk like the heroes We thought we had to be Well after all this time To find we’re just like all the rest Stranded in the park And forced to confess To hiding on the backstreets

I mean, coincidences? We just don’t know, but I DON’T THINK IT’S 100% A COINCIDENCE that the name is similar and that this is the guy who gets mentioned again at least here rather than the other two. Anyway that’s me doing speculation lmao.

Anyway: this song had endless versions and it only ever was published two decades after the fact because it was Too Personal and he couldn’t find the proper, but even if it’s really personal it still manages to be relatable thanks to those key passages in stanzas 2 and 3 (the fight that no man can ever win/when the promise is broken it steals something from down in your soul) and while I don’t know if it’s The Best Springsteen song as a lot of people rightfully think (BECAUSE IT’S A FUCKING GREAT SONG) it’s definitely one of the most intimate, raw and beautiful Springsteen songs exactly for how his experiences are made relatable to everyone else in a way that’s imo heartwrenching and bye I love this and I love all of the other versions and BRUCE IS GREAT OKAY? okay. ;__;

[theskeletoninthepiano]

Music Director Playlist #4

Music Director’s Playlist for the week of 4-26-22

This has to be my favorite compilation yet. I would say this most reflects my music taste at the moment. I did not put much new music into the playlist this week, but that's because nothing new (That I haven’t put on the station yet) has really caught my attention.

Dance Yrself Clean, LCD Soundsystem

Intuition, The Backseat Lovers

Sober to Death, Car Seat Headrest

Bodysnatchers, Radiohead

Since I Left You, The Avalanches

There Is A Light That Never Goes Out, The Smiths

Lauren, Men I Trust

Skin, Soccer Mommy

You Really Got Me, The Kinks

Paper Bag, Fiona Apple

SONG OF THE WEEK: Dance Yrself Clean by LCD Soundsystem

ALBUM OF THE WEEK: Twin Fantasy by Car Seat Headrest

Some thoughts:

The other music director and I bonded over our love for Dance Yrself Clean by LCD Soundsystem. Thus why it was dubbed “Song of the Week.” This song has to be my favorite from LCD Soundsystem's entire discography. The choices they make in volume level and instrumentation are strategic and well thought out. The explosion halfway through captures the feeling of finally letting go and is extremely freeing just to listen to. I had to edit the song to slightly shorten it and balance out the build. However, I recommend listening to the entire song and fully experiencing the journey it takes you on.

Intuition by The Backseat Lovers has been my anthem this past week. I overheard someone say this song was their least favorite on the album, When We Were Friends. I completely disagree with this stance and believe this is their best song on the LP. The musical dynamics in this song are just incredible, the middle section speeds up and is a stark contrast to the indie ballad it starts off as. It then fades back into the slower section, making the sadness sting in a slightly different, more personal way. The only thing I wish I could change about it is the length, I always want to keep listening.

Okay… Car Seat Headrest has a rather… interesting reputation. You either love them or you hate them. I personally LOVE them. Sober to Death has been trending as of lately (Thanks to TikTok, ugh) despite being released in 2011. This song and this album are just perfect. I made Twin Fantasy our Album of the week, as it's been hitting ~different~ in my personal life. Will Toledo’s voice is lined with a certain yearning that can break your heart in five seconds. My favorite part of the song is the end. Each musical phrase behind every “don’t worry, you and me won’t be alone no more” is different, which you might not pick up upon first listen. Truly subtle genius. I really don’t have much to say about this song other than telling you to go listen to it.

Bodysnatchers by Radiohead is just insane. Go listen to it.

I love love love The Avalanches so much. I was first introduced to them by a guy I met a year ago, so I really owe the credit to him. (Thanks legend). The Avalanches have created their own signature sound by exclusively using samples. When you think about how tedious and long the process of listening to and mixing hundreds of sounds to create entire albums… It makes you appreciate it so much more. Go stream The Avalanches!!!

Disclaimer: I HATE MORISSEY. There Is A Light That Never Goes Out is a good song though… It makes me want to be young and in love in 1980’s London.

I love the vocals and the bass line in Lauren by Men I Trust. Super good song.

I am such a Soccer Mommy person. The vibe she has got going on is exactly how I want to be perceived. I love this song and the album, Clean, so much.

The Kinks are just great. Pioneers in rock music for sure. This song has been one of my favorites since I was fifteen.

Fiona Apple has to be one of my top ten artists ever. She’s been through so much, and you can tell how healing music is for her. I relate to her a lot in that sense, music is a very sacred thing for me. Her songs are vulnerable yet logical. I would describe her sound as controlled chaos, everything is so thought out. This song talks about the excruciating reality that comes with having a crush. Truly a song for the girls.

[musingsandmorningtea]

8 Best Lorde Lyrics

Inspired by the Melodrama World Tour show that I attended in Philly, here are my picks for the 8 Best Lorde Lyrics.

I can't tell you how many times I've read some variation of "Ella is wise beyond her years" in blogs or reviews of her albums. And every time, I find myself agreeing. Like everyone else, I'd heard Royals and Team perhaps hundreds of times on the radio throughout the years and strongly agreed with the messages of each. By themselves, I liked both songs well enough, but I'd never felt the need to explore the rest of "Pure Herione."

And then, a few months ago, one of my best friends introduced me to "Melodrama."

One listen through, and I liked the songs well enough. Not instant favorites or anything, but I appreciated them. It wasn't until a few days later when I found myself subconsciously humming the tune to Supercut, "In my head I do everything right," that I realized the album had sunk its claws into my head and was not willing to let go. I gave the album another listen and immediately fell in love. To this day, my favorite song on the album changes from time-to-time as I pay closer attention to the details and emotions embedded within each track. Last night, I attended Ella's show in Philly with my aforementioned friend, and I came to appreciate the songs even more with the new emotions she thrust into the tracks during a raw, live performance. And so, without further ado, I'd like to share what I think are the 8 Best Lorde Lyrics (in no particular order):

Disclaimer: This is a subjective list and you are free to disagree with any or every choice of mine.

"She thinks you love the beach, you're such a damn liar." Green Light ("Melodrama")

These words seem a bit basic and questionable when taken out of context (they don't even rhyme), but in the song they deliver such a punch with Ella’s emotion. There is such scorn in these words that they make me do a double-take every time. Rhythmic musical quality takes a backseat to memories in this instant, and I'm here for Ella singing her disdain towards a lying ex. Especially when she catches him lying to get the next girl on his list.

"But I still remember everything, how we'd drift buying groceries / How you'd dance for me / I'll start letting go of little things 'til I'm so far away from you." Hard Feelings ("Melodrama")

This isn't even my favorite song on the album, yet it's a goldmine for quotable/relatable lyrics. At the end of a relationship, even if you're the one that ended it, sometimes these small, happy moments will pop into your mind. Maybe you'll second guess yourself. Maybe you'll start to miss them, even if they weren't good for you. These little moments seem so inconsequential when they're happening, but sometimes they're all that's stopping you from letting go and being happy.

"And laughing 'til our ribs get tough (laughing 'til our ribs get tough) / But that will never be enough (but that will never be enough)." Ribs ("Pure Heroine")

This whole song makes me feel so nostalgic. I think that the last two lines in particular encapsulate that feeling of nostalgia for me. I remember laughing uncontrollably with my friends in the school yard, and while there's nothing stopping me from laughing uncontrollably now, circumstances have changed. The emotions have lost their carefree innocence, and the kind of laughter that hurts your stomach is no longer limitless. We can laugh all we want, "But that will never be enough" because it won't bring back the unrestrained emotion that we were capable of as kids.

"I'm acting like I don't see every ribbon you used to tie yourself to me." Sober ("Melodrama")

This is the first time the imagery of ribbons appears in a song on this album, and it appears again in the song Supercut. In this instance, she hates the idea of ribbons that he tied to her: small, happy moments (perhaps like those in Hard Feelings) that she needs to ignore in order to finally and fully forget him. The latter appearance of ribbons in Supercut reinforces the idea that these connections she's trying to ignore are happier moments, as she sings, "The visions never stop / These ribbons wrap me up / But when I reach for you / There's just a supercut." Rather than the full and individual moments, they all blur together into a supercut of an idealized version of her relationship. The ribbons also just make me think of the red ribbon of fate, and how she makes herself believe that their relationship and meeting is fate and right even when it’s not.

"Our thing progresses, I call and you come through / Blow all my friendships to sit in hell with you." The Louvre ("Melodrama")

No particular order, but I think this is my favorite on all of "Melodrama." The fact that she doesn't even say "relationship" just "thing" is telling enough, but she describes their association as a sort of monotonous routine that she's accepted. Even the following lines sound a bit mocking in their delivery, "But we're the greatest, they'll hang us in the Louvre / Down the back, but who cares, still the Louvre." She's resigned to this association, this thing, even at the cost of her friendships, and knowing that being with him isn’t right--it’s “sit[ting] in hell.”

"You drape your wrists over the steering wheel / pulses can drive from here." 400 Lux ("Pure Heroine")

Their relationship is relaxed and they've got no destination in mind. It might sound a little cliche, but he's allowing his heart to dictate where they end up. These lyrics hold a lot more weight in context, but even by themselves they allude to a relationship built on instinct and one where the two lovers allow their hearts, rather than their minds, to take the wheel literally and metaphorically--the wheel of their relationship.

"When you've outgrown a lover / The whole world knows but you / It's time to let go of this endless summer afternoon." Hard Feelings ("Melodrama")

Ella is a queen of metaphors, and comparing the idealized relationship to an "endless summer afternoon" is perfect. The endless summer afternoon makes me think of a young relationship, two lovers lounging by the pool (Buzzcut Season, anyone?), drying by the sun, and sipping cold drinks. You think and hope that the afternoon will never end, and everything is peaceful and right. Time is frozen in that perfect day and moment; that "perfect" relationship. Yet, from the outside, the rest of the world continues to move along. They look past those perfect moments and see that the relationship isn't what it used to be and just isn't working anymore. You've grown apart and mutual memories of better times can only save the relationship for so long.

"Wide awake in bed, words in my brain, 'Secretly you love this / Do you even wanna go free?' / Let me in the ring, I'll show you what that big word means." Glory and Gore ("Pure Heroine")

To be honest, the meaning of this song is really hard to decipher so this one might be better out of context and attached to personal experience. Throughout Glory and Gore, Ella sings of gladiators and fighting in rings, but it's hard to determine if she's being literal or metaphorical. But for these lyrics it doesn't matter because they have a universal appeal to them. Of course, the "big word" that she refers to is "free" and it makes me wonder if she's saying we don't understand what freedom is until we have to fight for it/risk losing it.

My favorite songs are mostly from “Melodrama,” but a couple of my favorite songs didn’t even make the cut for this list. I absolutely adore Supercut, but it didn’t quite make the list (maybe would’ve made 9 Best Lourde Lyrics). This list was purely in terms of lyrical content, not necessarily looking at musical/sound content. 

Thanks for reading. I'd love to hear your thoughts and some of your favorite lyrics/why if they differ in any way from mine. I’ll probably come back and edit this if my interpretations change over time (as I’m sure they will), but the 8 lyrics will stay the same until she releases a new album/single.

[voodoochili]

My Favorite Songs of 2019

2019 was a fantastic year for music, but then again every year is. We as listeners have been blessed with abundance, and tasked with the delightful work of sifting through freshwater to find gold. This year, the most reliably golden genres were West African pop and West Coast Rap. Go figure.

The following represents my favorite 100 songs of the year. My only rules: 1) one song per lead artist (a lucky few earned multiple placements through the “featured artist” loophole).

Below are the write-ups (everyone’s favorite part) and stay tuned for my albums list, coming next week. Don’t forget to scroll all the way down for a Spotify playlist of the full list!

25. Desperate Journalist - “Satellite” - A sweeping, emotional rock song by a veteran rock band that can uncork one of these in their sleep. What makes this one special? The dynamic changes in the pre-chorus, the soaring guitar solo, and the passionate performance from lead singer Jo Bevan.

24. Jacques Greene - “Stars” - A brilliant bit of ambient techno that evokes the seminal electronic classic “Little Fluffy Clouds,” by The Orb. Instead of desert clouds, the anonymous female narrator describes a pastoral dream about the night skies of her youth. A transporting piece of music that should’ve been twice as long--five minutes is a cruelly short lifespan for this kind of bliss.

23. Rosalía - “Con Altura” ft. J Balvin - After the brilliant and singular El Mal Querer demonstrated Rosalía’s singular talent, “Con Altura” announced her intentions for worldwide domination. Created with frequent Rosalía collaborator El Guincho and chameleonic superstar J Balvin, “Con Altura” contains two of the year’s most insidious hooks--the soft-spoken call-and-response chorus, and Rosalía’s snake-charming bridge, the strongest indication yet that global stardom won’t stop the Catalonian chanteuse from pushing music forward.

22. Faye Webster - “Room Temperature” – 2019’s answer to “Swingin’ Party,” the Replacements’ great anthem for introverts, the introductory track on Webster’s Atlanta Millionaire’s Club album drifts along with Hawaiian-flavored pedal steel and a palpable sense of regret, as the 21-year-old singer longs to escape her perfectly comfortable surroundings. 21. Yhung T.O. - “Lately” ft. Lil Sheik - Easy, breezy, beautiful Bay Area rap, carried by T.O.’s dulcet tones and Sheik’s unrepentant dirtbaggery. The beat by Armani Depaul is one of my favorite retro-facing rap beats in a while, complete with smooth digital strings and security-pad synths. 20. The New Pornographers - “You’ll Need a New Backseat Driver” - Every five years or so, A.C. Newman writes a melody so strong that it requires Neko Case’s ultra-powerful alto to properly do it justice. This year, that song is “You’ll Need a New Backseat Driver,” which strives for, and nearly approaches, the heights of previous Pornos stunners like “The Laws Have Changed” and “Champions of Red Wine.” 

19. Floating Points - “LesAlpx” - Surrounded by outré synth experiments and beatless soundscapes on Crush, the first Floating Points album since 2015, “LesAlpx” is Sam Shepherd’s gift to club-goers everywhere. It’s a lean and mean house track, foregrounding propulsive percussion and rubbery bass, but it’s also deeply cerebral, creating a sense of foreboding urgency with detuned synths and ambient sine waves. 18. Daphni - “Sizzling” ft. Paradise - Built around a sample of Paradise’s seminal single “Sizzlin’ Hot,” Dan Snaith’s “Sizzling” extends the best moments of the classic post-disco smash to create five minutes of pure euphoria. The song starts in media res, with the groove in full form, and peaks at the end, when Snaith finally allows Paradise’s June Ventzos to finish her thought atop jubilant trumpets. 17. J Hus - “Must Be” - The latest genre-blending collaboration between J Hus and genius producer JAE5 proves that no man is safe from Hus’s dazzling logic, as he stacks syllogism after syllogism over an irresistible, afropop-flavored groove: “If it walk like an opp/Talk like an opp/Smell like an opp/Then it must be.” 16. Vampire Weekend - “Jerusalem, New York, Berlin” - Ever indulging his literary ambitions, Ezra Koenig uses the final track on Father Of The Bride to examine his Jewish identity, and to reckon with a world that hasn’t made sense since World War I. The prettiest melody on an album dripping with pretty melodies, “Jerusalem, New York, Berlin” packs enough symbolism into three minutes to inspire a seminar at Koenig’s Ivy League alma mater. Supported by yearning, spritely piano, Koenig ends the song with a poignant plea for peace, within reason: “So let them win the battle/But don't let them restart/That genocidal feeling/That beats in every heart.” 15. Great Grandpa - “Bloom” - The highlight from Great Grandpa’s outstanding Four Of Arrows album, “Bloom” is two songs in one. Part one brings punchy acoustic guitar that recalls ‘90s adult alternative (think Matchbox 20) and prime-era Saddle Creek (think Rilo Kiley) in equal measure. The second par tcompletes the song’s emotional arc, slowing down for a hypnotic wordless chorus, backed by weeping violins,. The key line here: “Please say I’m young enough to change.” 14. Spellling - “Real Fun” – Gleefully dramatic and overflowing with evil-sounding synths, “Real Fun” synthesizes Neneh Cherry, Bauhaus, and Cabaret into something that sounds like a villain’s theme in an animated musical that hasn’t been written yet.   13. Earthgang - “Proud Of U” ft. Young Thug – There’s no straight man to ground this ATL trio, as all three emcees lean into their vocal eccentricities while expressing their thanks to the women in their lives atop a mutating, guitar-driven beat. 12. Stella Donnelly - “Tricks” – In which the young heroine attempts to rid herself of a particularly toxic ex, who isn’t just misogynist, but a potential white supremacist sympathizer (her subject’s “Southern Cross Tattoo” is like an Aussie version of the MAGA hat). Heavy stuff, but Donnelly delivers everything with a grin, as if she’s wondering in real time why the hell she ever bothered with this jamoke. 11. Jenny Lewis - “On The Line” - The title track and emotional climax of Jenny Lewis’ latest album, “On The Line” boasts one of the finest vocal performances in her long career, sweetly assassinating her cheating ex-lover with a lilting melody and wry smile.

10. Lucinda Chua - “Whatever It Takes” – Lucinda Chua makes languid art pop in the tradition of fka twigs, but I prefer her understated longing to twigs herself. Her main instrument is the cello, but this track foregoes that sound almost entirely, opting instead for resonant Wurlitzer keys and multi-layered vocal harmonies, and shunting traditional song structure aside in favor of one enigmatic verse, repeating at odd intervals throughout: “Wait/The demons I carry are fake/I will fight our fire, too late.” 9. ShooterGang Kony - “Charlie” – The year’s most cold-blooded mob banger starts with the line “fuck the police and your mama if you ask me” and only escalates from there. Rhyming without affect over hiccuping bass, Kony mercilessly ethers cops, R&B singers, and women named Ashley before threatening to shoot you with a gun that sounds like Fozzy Bear. 8. KEY! - “Miami Too Much” – My favorite Atlanta rap song of the year gets its power from its hilariously specific central conceit, with KEY’s impassioned vocal selling the bit: “If you seen that ass, you'd make a song too.” How often must someone visit Dade County before it becomes an irreconcilable difference in an otherwise healthy relationship? 7. Raphael Saadiq - “Something Keeps Calling” ft. Rob Bacon - Named after his older brother, Raphael Saddiq’s towering Jimmy Lee album examines the personal cost of the crack epidemic, and the outsized role addiction plays in the lives of the destitute. “Something Keeps Calling” is the album’s crushing centerpiece, painting substances as at once a seductive lover and a heavy burden, one that overrides all common sense and decency: “My friends say I can never pull it together/Well they might be right, at least tonight/My kids say I'll never come home again/And I know they're right, at least tonight.” The song climaxes with Rob Bacon’s wailing guitar solo, which tries in vain to reach out to those beyond hope. 6. Bad Bunny & J Balvin - “La Canción” - Nestled in the middle of Balvin and Bunny’s summer smash OASIS, “La Canción” takes a break from the party to dwell on the inherent emptiness of their hedonistic lifestyle, as a mournful trumpet echoes the Reggaetoneros’ longing for meaningful connection amidst their chaotic lives. 5. Polo G - “Pop Out” ft. Lil TJay – Only Polo G would interrupt his own robbery to examine the sociological causes of his behavior: “We come from poverty, man, we ain't have a thing.” But on the rest of “Pop Out,” Polo leans into the dark side of his persona, before 2019’s most unlikely guest verse assassin Lil TJay brings the pathos: “If I showed you all my charges, you won't look at me the same.” In contrast to how effortless the two rappers sound atop the dramatic piano loop, listening to Lil Baby and Gunna wheeze through the remix hammers home the high degree of difficulty of such nimble melodics. It’s a testament to how fast rap music moves these days that Polo and TJay can make last year’s It Duo sound like geezers. 4. Octo Octa - “I Need You” – It starts as an intoxicatingly minimal expression of dancefloor lust, but halfway through, “I Need You” morphs into a sincere and moving tribute to everybody who helped Octo Octa become the woman she is today. It’s a moving moment tucked within an epic club track that works equally well as build-up or comedown.

3. Purple Mountains - “All My Happiness Is Gone” - It’s hard to find the words for this one, a matter-of-fact documentation of a man slowly losing his will to live--which became heartbreakingly clear when David Berman committed suicide in August. But because it’s Berman, “All My Happiness Is Gone” is packed with genius-level wordplay and devastating observations, and enough gallows humor to truly emphasize the gravity of his situation: “Friends are warmer than gold when you're old/And keeping them is harder than you might suppose//Lately, I tend to make strangers wherever I go/Some of them were once people I was happy to know.” I’ll keep going: “Ten thousand afternoons ago/All my happiness just overflowed/That was life at first and goal to go.” And one more: “Where nothing's wrong and no one's asking/But the fear's so strong it leaves you gasping/No way to last out here like this for long.”

2. Big Thief - “Not” - A torrid, slow-burning rocker, “Not” showcases lead singer-songwriter Adrienne Lenker’s skill with oblique imagery and wild-eyed intensity. Lenker rattles off a long list of poetic observations, trying to get to the heart of something (everything?) without ever finding a satisfactory answer, as the music morphs from a controlled simmer to a cacophonous freakout. “Not” climaxes with a riotous guitar solo from Lenker herself, one that reaches towards the cosmos and echoes her frayed vocal. As always with Big Thief, though, the song soars in the smallest moments, like when guitarist Buck Meek enters with plainspoken backing vocals, and at the beginning of the second verse when the guitars drop out and Lenker’s voice stands alone.

1. Burna Boy - “Anybody” - Sometimes the best song of the year is the one that makes you feel the best, and no song this year made me feel better than “Anybody.” “Anybody” is both inviting and aloof, urgent and relaxing. Riding an irresistible groove defined by syncopated keys, driving percussion, and an eager-to-please saxophone, Burna Boy slides between Pidgin English and Yoruba chasing a feeling that resonates beyond the capabilities of language. It’s a song about demanding and receiving respect, dripping with the contagious confidence of an African Giant. And for three minutes, you’ll feel like a giant too.

THE REST: 26. DaBaby - “Intro” 27. Perfume Genius - “Eye On The Wall” 28. Yves Jarvis - “To Say That Is Easy” 29. Doja Cat - “Cyber Sex” 30. Mannequin Pussy - “Drunk II” 31. Better Oblivion Community Center - “Dylan Thomas” 32. Shoreline Mafia - “Wings” 33. Kehlani - “Footsteps” ft. Musiq Soulchild 34. Obangjayar - “Frens” 35. Ariana Grande - “NASA” 36. Mustard ft. Roddy Ricch - “Ballin” 37. Baby Keem - “ORANGE SODA” 38. Jessie Ware - “Adore You” 39. 03 Greedo x Kenny Beats - “Disco Shit” ft. Freddie Gibbs 40. Martha - “Love Keeps Kicking” 41. Lucki - “More Than Ever” 42. Park Hye-Jin - “Call Me” 43. DaVido - “Disturbance” ft. Peruzzi 44. The Japanese House - “Worms” 45. Spencer Radcliffe - “Here Comes The Snow” 46. Dawn Richard - “Dreams And Converse” 47. ALLBLACK & Offset Jim - “Fees” ft. Capolow 48. David Kilgour - “Smoke You Right Out Of Here” 49. Sandro Perri - “Wrong About The Rain” 50. Nilüfer Yanya - “In Your Head” 51. Julia Jacklin - “Don’t Know How To Keep Loving You” 52. Miraa May - “Angles” ft. JME 53. (Sandy) Alex G - “Gretel” 54. Kelsey Lu - “Due West” 55. glass beach - “classic j dies and goes to hell, pt. 1” 56. Peggy Gou - “Starry Night” 57. Cate Le Bon - “Home To You” 58. Busy Signal - “Balloon” 59. NLE Choppa - “Shotta Flow” 60. Dee Watkins - “Hell Raiser” 61. Ari Lennox - “I Been” 62. The National - “Not In Kansas” 63. Shordie Shordie - “Both Sides” ft. Shoreline Mafia 64. Alex Lahey - “Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself” 65. Angel Olsen - “New Love Cassette” 66. Young Dolph - “Tric Or Treat” 67. Koffee - “Throne” 68. Freddie Gibbs & Madlib - “Half Manne, Half Cocaine” 69. Noname - “Song 32” 70. Anthony Naples - “A.I.R.” 71. Samthing Soweto - “Omama Bomthandazo (feat Makhafula Vilakazi)” 72. KAYTRANADA - “10%” ft. Kali Uchis 73. Moodymann - “Got Me Coming Back Right Now” 74. Drakeo The Ruler - “Let’s Go” ft. 03 Greedo 75. Teejayx6 - “Dark Web” 76. Cass McCombs - “I Followed The River South to What” 77. Gunna - “Idk Why” 78. Sharon Van Etten - “You Shadow” 79. Tresor - “Sondela” ft. Msaki 80. E-40 - “Chase The Money” ft. Quavo, Roddy Ricch, ScHoolboy Q & A$AP Ferg 81. Spielbergs - “Running All The Way Home” 82. 24kGoldn - “Valentino” 83. Quelle Chris - “Box of Wheaties” 84. Emily King - “Go Back” 85. AzChike - “Yadda Mean” ft. Keak Da Sneak 86. Club Night - “Path” 87. Zeelooperz - “Easter Sunday” ft. Earl Sweatshirt 88. Kim Gordon - “Murdered Out” 89. YS - “Bompton” (Remix) ft. 1TakeJay & OhGeesy 90. Future - “Never Stop” 91. Lowly - “baglaens” 92. SAULT - “Masterpiece” 93. Earl Sweatshirt - “TISK TISK/COOKIES” 94. Fireboy DML - “Energy” 95. Rio Da Young OG & Lil E - “Buy The Block” 96. Sacred Paws - “Write This Down” 97. Wilco - “Everyone Hides” 98. Black Belt Eagle Scout - “Real Lovin” 99. Sleepy Hallow - “Breakin Bad (Okay)” ft. Sheff G 100. Aimee Leigh & Baby Billy - “Misbehavin’ (1989)”

Here’s a Spotify playlist of the full list: 

[pinktheoristcollector]

New top story from Time: Let’s Break Down Taylor Swift’s Tender New Album Folklore

If there’s one thing we know about Taylor Swift, it’s that she works hard. In her documentary released earlier this year, Miss Americana, the intense pace of Swift’s life — and the similarly intense pressures of the scrutiny she finds herself under — was laid bare for all to analyze.

But then the coronavirus pandemic swept in and, presumably, cleared her pop star slate. Swift was left with her privacy, as lockdowns shuttered us all into our homes. On social media, she was neither cryptically silent nor strategically active: she seemed, for the first time in a long time, like she was just living her life and drinking wine on her couch like many of us, big plans on hold.

But even in her downtime, curtains drawn on her celebrity, Swift was creating. The July 23 release of Folklore, her 16-track eighth album, came as a surprise even to devout followers: only 11 months after Lover, it was the first time she’d put out a project on less than a two-year schedule. Swift didn’t bother with the extensive teasing release of past albums; she announced her work on Thursday, rolled it out on Friday and then will sit back over the weekend and enjoy the warm response.

In isolation my imagination has run wild and this album is the result. I’ve told these stories to the best of my ability with all the love, wonder, and whimsy they deserve. Now it’s up to you to pass them down. folklore is out now: https://t.co/xdcEDfithq

📷: Beth Garrabrant pic.twitter.com/vSDo9Se0fp

— Taylor Swift (@taylorswift13) July 24, 2020

A new sound

In releasing Folklore, Swift was clear and direct about her intent and her work. She shared the names of all the major collaborators she worked with: pop producer and longtime musical partner Jack Antonoff, who she called “musical family;” her “musical heroes,” the moody rock band The National’s Aaron Dessnerr and indie god Justin Vernon of Bon Iver; a mysteriously-named collaborator called William Bowery. That, and the greyscale, woodsy images she teased the release with, announced her new direction: alternative pop-folk. In her delicate, confessional singing and melodies there are hints of fellow artists like Lana Del Rey, for whom she has openly expressed admiration before, on “Cardigan” and Phoebe Bridgers on “Seven.” There’s the twinkling Postal-Service-referencing intro on “The Last Great American Dynasty,” the blissed-out orchestral walls of sound on “Epiphany,” the serving of elegiac Sufjan Stevens keys on “Invisible String.”

Despite her start as a Nashville darling in the country scene, Swift has always been a musical chameleon. She evolved into rock-pop by 1989, stretched herself into hip-hop on the spiky Reputation, went full-throated pop on Lover. Folklore is what a lot of fans have been waiting for all along: a lengthy, emotionally-wrought indie album. Its heart is folk storytelling. Its production is every kind of thing fans have heard and loved on breakup albums in the last decade. Its vision is a grey-blue soundscape: an autumnal album dropped on us in the heat of summer, the first full project of this kind from Swift, inhabiting a truly melancholy space she’s mainly hinted at in past ballads.

But those ballads have often been her most poignant work. Folklore meets her exactly where she’s strongest, right now. And the rest of us? Still adjusting to pandemic life, still engaged in important conversations about our country’s racist history, we might also want something at just this unhurried tempo.

“And some things you just can’t speak about”

It would be fruitless to break down every Swift lyric; the songwriting can be poetically obtuse, and she’s telling many stories, from many character points of view, with many aching regrets. Swift has historically been one of our most confessional pop stars in her music, often mining her personal archives for material. Folklore is a little more, well, folkloric: “The lines between fantasy and reality blur and the boundaries between truth and fiction become almost indiscernible,” she shared in an advance statement about the lyrical content. Still, as she announced in advance, she buried plenty of Easter eggs in her words for her fans to unpack at will.

The opening song, “The 1,” is an ode to what could have been. The “who” of it all, of course, remains murky.

But we were something, don’t you think so?

Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool

And if my wishes came true

It would’ve been you.

As avid listeners well know, Swift loves riffs on the past. She also loves to weave in references to her old music, a trail of breadcrumbs for fans to follow from era to era. “To kiss in cars and downtown bars was all we needed,” she sings on “Cardigan,” and it sounds a lot like an echo of her lyrics on Lover’s “Cornelia Street” (“We were in the backseat, drunk on something stronger than the drinks in the bar”). And when she sings “You drew stars around my scars” on the same song, close followers might flash back to the “guitar string scars” of “Lover.”

Every song has these kinds of lyrical winks, reinforcing the universe that Swift has crafted even as she expands it with her newfound layers of fantasy and character. “Mad Woman,” for instance, is the story of a “misfit widow getting gleeful revenge,” according to her note on social media. But lines like “And women like hunting witches too” harken back to her Reputation era (“They’re burning all the witches even if you aren’t one,” she sings on “I Did Something Bad”).

View this post on Instagram

In isolation my imagination has run wild and this album is the result, a collection of songs and stories that flowed like a stream of consciousness. Picking up a pen was my way of escaping into fantasy, history, and memory. I’ve told these stories to the best of my ability with all the love, wonder, and whimsy they deserve. Now it’s up to you to pass them down. folklore is out now. 📷: Beth Garrabrant

A post shared by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on Jul 23, 2020 at 9:06pm PDT

Some songs are more mysterious than others. “Exile,” with Bon Iver, reeks with the pain of parting. “Hoax,” a quiet piano ballad, details a relationship flawed but lasting. (“No other sadness in the world would do” is a devastatingly universal reminder of that bittersweet sensation.) “The Last Great American Dynasty,” in contrast, is specific and historical: the story of socialite Rebekah Harkness, the prior inhabitant of Swift’s own expansive Rhode Island estate. On “Epiphany,” Swift dives into the experience of another historical character: her grandfather, Dean, when he landed on the beaches of Guadalcanal in 1942. “And some things,” she sings after describing a harrowing moment of war, “you just can’t speak about.”

OK, but what about “Betty”?

One of the songs on Folklore that caught the most early attention online is “Betty,” a late-album track that sees Swift return most directly to her country roots. (Cue the plaintive harmonica.) In her notes, Swift explained: “There’s a collection of three songs I refer to as The Teenage Love Triangle. These three songs explore a love triangle from all three people’s perspectives at different times in their lives.” Consensus has led listeners to believe the three songs in question are “Betty,” “Cardigan” and “August.” Woven together, they tell a story of betrayal, heartache and sweet teen angst.

But “Betty” can also be read as vaguely autobiographical, which some fans are keen to do. The two other characters in the trio, James and Ines, happen to be the names of the two daughters of Swift’s friends Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds, deepening the connection to her real-life friend circle and the Swiftian world we know. Either way, the web of perspectives and emotions outlined in the track trio presents Swift fans with plenty of material to parse through as they unravel the mystery of Swift’s feelings and her new album’s connotations.

The quarantine album

In quarantine, any album release finds new resonance. With so few events to attend, live music still mostly canceled and many artists postponing their work, fresh projects are bound to find rapt audiences whether or not they are coming from Taylor Swift.

But Swift, being Swift, was always destined to conjure up a powerful reaction. In the past year, Taylor Swift’s public dispute with music manager Scooter Braun over her music catalog made headlines and raised questions about the ownership artists have over the music they create. Prior to that, she often drew tabloid scrutiny. Her response has often been to write it all out: address past relationships, excavate heartbreak and frustration, insist on resilience. That Folklore is foggy, that it relies more on smart songwriting and less on speculation about her personal life and complicated visual cues, suggests it’s bound for a long shelf life.

Quarantine has us all dragging up old memories and wondering what’s still real. Folklore isn’t the pop star album that will drive worries away and replace them with sparkle. It’s an artist who’s extended her ambitions to looking back and getting a little lost in the memory haze, digging up an old favorite cardigan for comfort.

from Blogger https://ift.tt/2WRAAJ2 via IFTTT

[hellofastestnewsfan]

If there’s one thing we know about Taylor Swift, it’s that she works hard. In her documentary released earlier this year, Miss Americana, the intense pace of Swift’s life — and the similarly intense pressures of the scrutiny she finds herself under — was laid bare for all to analyze.

But then the coronavirus pandemic swept in and, presumably, cleared her pop star slate. Swift was left with her privacy, as lockdowns shuttered us all into our homes. On social media, she was neither cryptically silent nor strategically active: she seemed, for the first time in a long time, like she was just living her life and drinking wine on her couch like many of us, big plans on hold.

But even in her downtime, curtains drawn on her celebrity, Swift was creating. The July 23 release of Folklore, her 16-track eighth album, came as a surprise even to devout followers: only 11 months after Lover, it was the first time she’d put out a project on less than a two-year schedule. Swift didn’t bother with the extensive teasing release of past albums; she announced her work on Thursday, rolled it out on Friday and then will sit back over the weekend and enjoy the warm response.

In isolation my imagination has run wild and this album is the result. I’ve told these stories to the best of my ability with all the love, wonder, and whimsy they deserve. Now it’s up to you to pass them down. folklore is out now: https://t.co/xdcEDfithq

📷: Beth Garrabrant pic.twitter.com/vSDo9Se0fp

— Taylor Swift (@taylorswift13) July 24, 2020

A new sound

In releasing Folklore, Swift was clear and direct about her intent and her work. She shared the names of all the major collaborators she worked with: pop producer and longtime musical partner Jack Antonoff, who she called “musical family;” her “musical heroes,” the moody rock band The National’s Aaron Dessnerr and indie god Justin Vernon of Bon Iver; a mysteriously-named collaborator called William Bowery. That, and the greyscale, woodsy images she teased the release with, announced her new direction: alternative pop-folk. In her delicate, confessional singing and melodies there are hints of fellow artists like Lana Del Rey, for whom she has openly expressed admiration before, on “Cardigan” and Phoebe Bridgers on “Seven.” There’s the twinkling Postal-Service-referencing intro on “The Last Great American Dynasty,” the blissed-out orchestral walls of sound on “Epiphany,” the serving of elegiac Sufjan Stevens keys on “Invisible String.”

Despite her start as a Nashville darling in the country scene, Swift has always been a musical chameleon. She evolved into rock-pop by 1989, stretched herself into hip-hop on the spiky Reputation, went full-throated pop on Lover. Folklore is what a lot of fans have been waiting for all along: a lengthy, emotionally-wrought indie album. Its heart is folk storytelling. Its production is every kind of thing fans have heard and loved on breakup albums in the last decade. Its vision is a grey-blue soundscape: an autumnal album dropped on us in the heat of summer, the first full project of this kind from Swift, inhabiting a truly melancholy space she’s mainly hinted at in past ballads.

But those ballads have often been her most poignant work. Folklore meets her exactly where she’s strongest, right now. And the rest of us? Still adjusting to pandemic life, still engaged in important conversations about our country’s racist history, we might also want something at just this unhurried tempo.

“And some things you just can’t speak about”

It would be fruitless to break down every Swift lyric; the songwriting can be poetically obtuse, and she’s telling many stories, from many character points of view, with many aching regrets. Swift has historically been one of our most confessional pop stars in her music, often mining her personal archives for material. Folklore is a little more, well, folkloric: “The lines between fantasy and reality blur and the boundaries between truth and fiction become almost indiscernible,” she shared in an advance statement about the lyrical content. Still, as she announced in advance, she buried plenty of Easter eggs in her words for her fans to unpack at will.

The opening song, “The 1,” is an ode to what could have been. The “who” of it all, of course, remains murky.

But we were something, don’t you think so?

Roaring twenties, tossing pennies in the pool

And if my wishes came true

It would’ve been you.

As avid listeners well know, Swift loves riffs on the past. She also loves to weave in references to her old music, a trail of breadcrumbs for fans to follow from era to era. “To kiss in cars and downtown bars was all we needed,” she sings on “Cardigan,” and it sounds a lot like an echo of her lyrics on Lover’s “Cornelia Street” (“We were in the backseat, drunk on something stronger than the drinks in the bar”). And when she sings “You drew stars around my scars” on the same song, close followers might flash back to the “guitar string scars” of “Lover.”

Every song has these kinds of lyrical winks, reinforcing the universe that Swift has crafted even as she expands it with her newfound layers of fantasy and character. “Mad Woman,” for instance, is the story of a “misfit widow getting gleeful revenge,” according to her note on social media. But lines like “And women like hunting witches too” harken back to her Reputation era (“They’re burning all the witches even if you aren’t one,” she sings on “I Did Something Bad”).

View this post on Instagram

In isolation my imagination has run wild and this album is the result, a collection of songs and stories that flowed like a stream of consciousness. Picking up a pen was my way of escaping into fantasy, history, and memory. I’ve told these stories to the best of my ability with all the love, wonder, and whimsy they deserve. Now it’s up to you to pass them down. folklore is out now. 📷: Beth Garrabrant

A post shared by Taylor Swift (@taylorswift) on Jul 23, 2020 at 9:06pm PDT

Some songs are more mysterious than others. “Exile,” with Bon Iver, reeks with the pain of parting. “Hoax,” a quiet piano ballad, details a relationship flawed but lasting. (“No other sadness in the world would do” is a devastatingly universal reminder of that bittersweet sensation.) “The Last Great American Dynasty,” in contrast, is specific and historical: the story of socialite Rebekah Harkness, the prior inhabitant of Swift’s own expansive Rhode Island estate. On “Epiphany,” Swift dives into the experience of another historical character: her grandfather, Dean, when he landed on the beaches of Guadalcanal in 1942. “And some things,” she sings after describing a harrowing moment of war, “you just can’t speak about.”

OK, but what about “Betty”?

One of the songs on Folklore that caught the most early attention online is “Betty,” a late-album track that sees Swift return most directly to her country roots. (Cue the plaintive harmonica.) In her notes, Swift explained: “There’s a collection of three songs I refer to as The Teenage Love Triangle. These three songs explore a love triangle from all three people’s perspectives at different times in their lives.” Consensus has led listeners to believe the three songs in question are “Betty,” “Cardigan” and “August.” Woven together, they tell a story of betrayal, heartache and sweet teen angst.

But “Betty” can also be read as vaguely autobiographical, which some fans are keen to do. The two other characters in the trio, James and Ines, happen to be the names of the two daughters of Swift’s friends Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds, deepening the connection to her real-life friend circle and the Swiftian world we know. Either way, the web of perspectives and emotions outlined in the track trio presents Swift fans with plenty of material to parse through as they unravel the mystery of Swift’s feelings and her new album’s connotations.

The quarantine album

In quarantine, any album release finds new resonance. With so few events to attend, live music still mostly canceled and many artists postponing their work, fresh projects are bound to find rapt audiences whether or not they are coming from Taylor Swift.

But Swift, being Swift, was always destined to conjure up a powerful reaction. In the past year, Taylor Swift’s public dispute with music manager Scooter Braun over her music catalog made headlines and raised questions about the ownership artists have over the music they create. Prior to that, she often drew tabloid scrutiny. Her response has often been to write it all out: address past relationships, excavate heartbreak and frustration, insist on resilience. That Folklore is foggy, that it relies more on smart songwriting and less on speculation about her personal life and complicated visual cues, suggests it’s bound for a long shelf life.

Quarantine has us all dragging up old memories and wondering what’s still real. Folklore isn’t the pop star album that will drive worries away and replace them with sparkle. It’s an artist who’s extended her ambitions to looking back and getting a little lost in the memory haze, digging up an old favorite cardigan for comfort.

from TIME https://ift.tt/2ZXLuiw