#one of those nights where i am just insanely frustrated at myself :-

[mythicalmaven]

Practice makes perfect - Landoscar (ONESHOT)

masterlist

Here is a little extra upload to celebrate me reaching 100 followers! <3 My first Landoscar smut! Couldn't help myself guys! I hope you like it, let me know!

↳pairing: oscar piastri x lando norris ↳word count: 6.4K ↳warnings: smut, 18+ content (MDNI!), handjob (both receiving), oral sex, coming untouched, feelings, fluff, talking about sex, kissing, praising, feelings realization, explicit sexual content, friends to lovers

↳summary: Oscar doesn't now how to seduce a girl & Lando is there to help. Lando is basically offering that Oscar can practice with him, while he teaches him his ways. Whatever they were doing, it wasn't supposed to make Oscar feel the way it did. After all, Lando was only there to help. Yet it evolved their once purely platonic relationship into something deeper.

The first time it happened was race weekend. Oscar lay on the couch in his drivers' room, frustration building as he stared at his phone. With a growl of exasperation, he threw it against the wall, grateful for the indestructible case that protected it.

It took no more than ten seconds before Lando barged into the room, not even bothering to knock. "What the hell happened?"

Oscar groaned, burying his face in his hands. "Nothing, just... I'm so frustrated, man."

Lando raised an eyebrow, taking a seat opposite Oscar. "Frustrated about what?"

Oscar sighed heavily, lifting his head to meet Lando's concerned gaze. "I was scrolling through my feed and stumbled upon this video. Some edited thirst trap of me, saying how hot I am. And it just... it got to me."

Lando frowned. "Why? People think you're hot, that's a good thing, right?"

Oscar huffed, leaning back against the couch. "It is, but it feels like a cruel joke. People can think that way about me, but I can't even get a girl to look at me twice. Meanwhile, you just look at a girl, and she follows you to your bedroom."

Lando chuckled, shaking his head. "It's not as easy as you think, Oscar. But seriously, it shouldn't be that hard for you. What's the issue?"

Oscar ran a hand through his hair, frustration etched on his face. "I freeze, Lando. I see a girl, and I can talk to her a little, but when it comes to seducing her, I just... I can't. I get to the point of kissing, but anything more intimate, I freeze up. I'm scared of screwing it up, so I don't even try. But it's driving me insane. I just want to get laid."

Lando's expression softened. "You need to loosen up a bit. Try being sensual, use lingering touches, suggestive words."

Oscar shook his head, looking helpless. "I don't know how to do any of that. I don't know what to say, where to touch. I'm not a virgin; I've had girlfriends before, but one-night stands? I just can't figure it out. I want to be able to seduce someone, to praise her, but I don't know how."

Lando's eyes glinted with a hint of mischief as he leaned closer. "I could help you, teach you a thing or two."

Oscar looked at him, surprised. "What do you mean?"

Lando's smile turned suggestive. "You can practice on me."

Oscar's heart skipped a beat. He hesitated, the idea making his pulse race. "Wouldn't that make things weird? We're teammates."

Lando shrugged. "It's just a way to help a friend out. Nothing more."

Oscar gulped, nerves making his hands tremble. "How are you planning on doing that?"

Lando's smile widened. "I have two ideas. I could show you how I'd seduce a girl and do those things to you, or you could practice on me, and I'll guide you."

The tension in the room thickened as Oscar considered it. The mere idea of Lando touching him that way stirred unexpected arousal within him. Was he even into guys? He'd always found Lando handsome, but he'd never thought of him in that way. He tried to push those thoughts aside.

"Alright," Oscar said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Let's try it."

Lando's hand moved to Oscar's thigh, squeezing lightly. "We can try both methods, but let's start with a little practice. Pretend I'm someone in a club you're trying to seduce. I'll guide you."

Oscar nodded, his throat dry. Lando's hand crept upwards, inching closer, causing Oscar's breath to hitch. It shouldn't make him feel this way, but it did. Lando's touch was both electrifying and comforting.

"Relax," Lando murmured, his voice low and soothing. "Start with a light touch. Girls like it when you're gentle but confident."

Oscar placed a trembling hand on Lando's arm, trailing his fingers lightly over the fabric of his shirt. The heat of Lando's skin seeped through, making Oscar's pulse quicken.

"Good," Lando said, his eyes darkening with something Oscar couldn't quite place. "Now, try touching my neck. Most girls love that."

Oscar's fingers traced up to Lando's neck, the skin soft and smooth. He could feel Lando's pulse beneath his fingertips, matching the rapid beat of his own heart. He brushed his thumb over the pulse point, and Lando's breath hitched.

"Like this?" Oscar asked, his voice barely audible.

"Exactly," Lando breathed, his eyes half-lidded. "Now, compliment her. Tell her what you like about her."

Oscar's mind raced, struggling to find the right words. "You look... really good," he said, his voice shaky. "I like your eyes."

Lando chuckled softly, the sound sending a shiver down Oscar's spine. "Try to sound more confident. Mean it."

Oscar took a deep breath, steadying himself. "You look amazing. Your eyes are captivating."

Lando's hand moved higher up Oscar's thigh, and he bit back a moan. "Better. Then, try kissing her neck. Just lightly."

Oscar hesitated, then leaned in, his lips brushing against Lando's neck. The contact sent a jolt of electricity through him, and he felt Lando's breath catch. He kissed softly, trailing his lips up to Lando's jawline.

"That's it," Lando whispered, his voice rough with arousal. "Keep going."

Oscar's confidence grew with each kiss, his hands exploring Lando's body with increasing boldness. He could feel Lando's arousal mirroring his own, making him bolder. His hand trailed down to Lando's chest, feeling the rapid beat of his heart.

Lando's hand moved to Oscar's jeans, palming him gently. Oscar gasped, his hips jerking involuntarily. "How does that feel?" Lando asked, his voice thick with desire.

"Amazing," Oscar managed to say, his voice strained. "It feels really good."

"Tell me what you like," Lando instructed, his hand working Oscar through his jeans.

"I... I like the way you touch me," Oscar said, his breath coming in ragged gasps. "It makes me feel..."

"Feel what?" Lando prompted, his hand squeezing lightly.

"Hot. Aroused," Oscar admitted, a moan escaping his lips. "I like how you look at me, how you make me feel."

Lando smiled, his eyes dark with lust. "Good. Now, let’s take it a step further. Guide my hand, show me what you want."

Oscar's hand trembled as he placed it over Lando's, guiding him to his zipper. The sound of it opening was loud in the quiet room, and Oscar's breath hitched as Lando's hand slipped inside. The warmth and firmness of Lando's hand wrapped around Oscar's hardness, sending a shiver through him.

"Tell me how it feels," Lando whispered, his hand starting to move slowly, teasingly.

"So good," Oscar moaned, his hips bucking into Lando's touch. "It feels so good."

Lando's movements were slow and deliberate, each stroke sending waves of pleasure through Oscar's body. He could feel himself nearing the edge, his control slipping. "Keep talking," Lando urged, his own voice strained with desire.

"You’re so good at this," Oscar managed to say, his voice breaking. "I can’t... I can’t hold back."

"Then don’t," Lando murmured, his lips brushing against Oscar's ear. "Let go, Oscar. I’ve got you."

Oscar bit his lip, trying to hold back the tide of pleasure threatening to overwhelm him. He placed a trembling hand on Lando's wrist, stopping his movements. "Wait," he gasped, his voice hoarse. "Slow down a little, or I’ll come already. I don't want to yet. You need to teach me more."

Lando chuckled softly, a deep, throaty sound that sent a fresh wave of arousal through Oscar. "Alright, let's take it slow." He pulled his hand back slightly, easing the intensity. "While she's touching you like this, you can do things to drive her wild too. Try pulling her hair, kissing her neck, whispering in her ear."

Oscar nodded, his breath coming in short, heavy bursts. He reached up, his fingers tangling in Lando's hair, pulling gently. Lando's sharp intake of breath and the low moan that followed made Oscar's heart race.

"Good," Lando said, his voice rough. "That feels good, Oscar. Keep going."

Oscar's confidence grew with each response from Lando. He leaned in, his lips brushing against Lando's neck, kissing lightly. The feel of Lando's skin under his lips, the taste of salt and musk, was intoxicating. He nibbled gently, earning another moan from Lando.

"You’re doing great," Lando murmured, his own arousal evident. "Now, try whispering something in my ear. Tell me how good I make you feel."

Oscar's breath hitched as he moved closer to Lando's ear. "You make me feel incredible," he whispered, his voice trembling. "I've never felt like this before."

Lando's hand resumed its slow, deliberate movements on Oscar's hardness, drawing out the pleasure with expert precision. "And while you're doing that," Lando said, his voice a seductive purr, "keep touching me. Show me what you want."

Oscar's hand moved down Lando's body, trembling fingers finding the edge of Lando's shirt and slipping underneath, feeling the firm muscles of his abdomen. The sensation was dizzying, his own arousal mirrored in Lando's heavy breathing and darkened eyes.

"Lando," Oscar moaned, his hips bucking into Lando's hand again. "I need... I need more."

Lando's eyes gleamed with a mixture of lust and satisfaction. "Tell me what you need, Oscar. Don't hold back."

"I need you to touch me more," Oscar gasped, his control slipping further with each stroke of Lando's hand. "I need you to make me feel good."

Lando's hand moved with purpose now, each stroke precise and demanding, driving Oscar closer to the edge. Oscar's other hand found its way to Lando's jeans, mirroring Lando's earlier actions, feeling the hardness beneath and squeezing gently.

Lando's groan was deep and resonant, sending a fresh wave of desire through Oscar. "That's it," Lando encouraged, his voice thick. "Touch me like that. Show me what you want."

Oscar's movements became more confident, his hand working Lando's jeans open and slipping inside, finding the heated length of him. The feel of Lando in his hand, the sounds of his pleasure, pushed Oscar closer to the brink.

"Feels so good," Oscar murmured, his own voice raw with need. "You make me feel so good."

Lando's hand sped up, matching the rhythm of Oscar's strokes. The room was filled with the sounds of their heavy breathing, the wet, slick sounds of their arousal. Oscar could feel the tension coiling in his stomach, the pleasure building to an almost unbearable peak.

"Lando, I..." Oscar's words were cut off by a moan as Lando's thumb brushed over the sensitive tip of his length, sending him spiraling.

"Let go," Lando whispered, his lips brushing Oscar's ear again. "Come for me, Oscar. I've got you."

With a final, shuddering cry, Oscar let himself go, the pleasure crashing over him in waves, his release spilling over Lando's hand. Lando's own release followed shortly after, his groan of pleasure mingling with Oscar's moans.

They collapsed against each other, their breathing heavy and uneven, the room filled with the aftermath of their shared pleasure.

"See?" Lando said softly, his hand gently stroking Oscar's back. "You just needed to loosen up a bit."

Oscar nodded, still trying to catch his breath. "Thank you," he said, his voice barely audible.

"Anytime," Lando replied, a smile in his voice. "Anytime."

—————⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆ ⋆⁺—————

The second time it happened was less than a week later. This time they were lounging together in Lando's hotel room, each a ps5 controller in hand, trying to beat each other in a game of Fifa.

Lando nudged Oscar with his own shoulder "Soooo.. Max mentioned that he saw you making out with a girl last night" he started, sending a cheeky wink his way "Have you tried to use your newly achieved skills?"

Oscar sighs. He did, he tried. Did it work? No. Was it because of the reason Lando expected it to fail? Also no. Was he gonna tell Lando to truth? Absolutely not.

"Yeah, I tried. But I froze" this part was true, he did freeze up the minute he was kissing the girl he met in the club, but not for the reason he expected "I just couldn't do it, you know"

Him failing to seduce the girl this time had nothing to do with the initial problem. It had to do with a certain boy with beautiful curls and captivating eyes. In all honesty, he couldn't stop thinking about Lando ever since he helped him out.

Oscar was conflicted with himself, confused about how he felt. He was at war with himself, trying to convince himself that he wasn't into Lando like that. He couldn't be and he shouldn't be. After all, Lando only helped him out to do him a favor, nothing more, nothing less.

Yet thinking about that curly haired boy was exactly why he failed to seduce the girl, or actually, why he pulled back and came up with a lame excuse as to why he had to go.

*flashback*

Oscar stood in the dimly lit club, the bass of the music thrumming through his body. The atmosphere was electric, filled with people dancing, drinking, and losing themselves in the night. He had decided that tonight he was going to put everything Lando had taught him into action. He had found a girl—blonde, beautiful, and more than willing to make out with him in a secluded corner. As they kissed, Oscar tried to remember all the tips Lando had given him: be confident, use lingering touches, whisper seductive words.

To anyone watching, it looked like Oscar was succeeding. His hands moved over her body with practiced ease, his lips tracing along her neck just as Lando had shown him. But inside, Oscar was a mess. Every touch, every kiss felt wrong. He couldn’t stop thinking about Lando. In his mind, it was Lando he was kissing, Lando he was trying to seduce. The girl’s hands were too soft, too feminine, and they did nothing to arouse him. He hated himself for wishing they were Lando’s hands, rougher and more familiar.

He tried to push the thoughts away, focusing on the girl in front of him. His hand tangled in her long blonde locks, a gesture that normally would have excited him. But tonight, it just felt empty. He couldn’t stop thinking about how it wasn’t Lando’s hair slipping through his fingers. Each moment felt like a betrayal, both to the girl and to himself.

They pulled away from the kiss, and Oscar felt a wave of guilt crash over him. Guilt for how he was feeling about Lando and guilt for leading this girl on. He looked into her eyes, trying to muster some genuine enthusiasm, but all he felt was confusion and regret.

“Do you want to go somewhere more private?” she asked, her voice hopeful and soft.

Oscar swallowed hard, trying to find the right words. “I… I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said, his voice shaky. “I don’t want to do something I’m not sure about.”

The girl looked slightly disappointed, but her expression quickly softened. “It’s okay,” she said kindly. “I appreciate your honesty. More guys should be like you.”

Oscar forced a smile, relieved and yet more guilt-ridden. “It’s really not about you,” he said sincerely. “You’re beautiful, and you deserve to spend the night with someone who really wants it.”

She smiled warmly, her eyes full of understanding. “Thank you for saying that. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

A thought immediately made its appearance: I'm afraid I already did

With a polite nod, they went their separate ways. Oscar watched her disappear into the crowd, feeling the weight of his guilt settle deeper. He felt guilty for misleading her, and even more guilty for his feelings towards Lando. He shouldn’t feel this way. He couldn’t.

As he walked through the club, the sounds and sights fading into the background, Oscar couldn’t help but think about Lando. No matter how much he tried to deny it, he knew the truth. His feelings for Lando were more than just friendly admiration. And that realization terrified him.

*end of flashback*

"It honestly surprises me how one F1's biggest hotshots isn't able to get with a girl" he chuckled, while scoring a goal in Fifa against Oscar's team "I expected girls to just get on their knees for you without you even having to say a word"

Did he just call Oscar hot? He did, didn't he?

Oscar shrugged "I'm not even that attractive tho" he retorted, speaking in all honesty.

Lando rolled his eyes “Yeah right, and I'm six feet tall,” he objected, shaking his head. “Come on, Osc, look in the mirror. You're handsome as fuck. Don't be so insecure.”

Oscar sighed, trying to distract himself by focusing on the game he was playing. “Whatever,” he muttered, still not really believing what Lando said. “I just don’t know what’s wrong with me, you know? I just can’t do it.”

Lando paused the game and turned to face Oscar, his expression softening. “Maybe you just need more practice,” he suggested. “How about another session? I can show you exactly what I would do if you want.”

Oscar's heart skipped a beat. He barely nodded, feeling a mix of excitement and nervousness. “Okay,” he said quietly.

Lando scooted closer, their knees touching. “Alright,” he began, his voice low and soothing. “First, let’s start with the basics.” He placed his hand on Oscar’s thigh, his touch lingering. “When you’re with a girl, it’s important to make her feel wanted. Touch her like this.” His fingers traced slow, deliberate circles on Oscar’s thigh.

Oscar’s breath hitched, his body responding to Lando’s touch in ways he hadn’t expected. Lando continued, his voice a seductive whisper. “Now, when you kiss her neck, don’t just peck. Use your tongue, but gently. Like this.” He leaned in, his lips brushing against Oscar’s neck before planting a soft kiss. “Most girls love it when you kiss their neck. It’s sensitive.”

Oscar shivered, his eyes fluttering shut. He tried to imagine he was with a girl, but all he could think about was Lando. “What else?” he asked, his voice shaky.

“Pull her hair, but gently,” Lando instructed, his hand sliding up to Oscar’s hair. He gave a gentle tug, eliciting a soft moan from Oscar. “See? It’s about being in control, but also being tender.”

Oscar’s mind was spinning. He was aroused, confused, and desperate for more. Lando’s touch was driving him wild. “Lando,” he breathed, “I… I can’t…”

Lando smiled softly, his hand reaching up to cup Oscar’s face with a tenderness that made Oscar’s breath hitch. “It’s okay,” Lando murmured, his voice low and reassuring. “You’re doing great.” He leaned in closer, their lips almost touching, the warmth of his breath mingling with Oscar’s. “When you’re ready to kiss her, make it count. The way you use your hands, the way you use your tongue… it can make a world of difference.” His eyes locked with Oscar’s, a glint of mischief and confidence in his gaze. “Can I show you what I mean?”

Oscar, heart racing, could barely manage a whisper. “Yes.”

Lando closed the distance, his lips brushing softly against Oscar’s in a kiss that was both gentle and teasing. The initial contact was light, just a whisper of sensation that sent shivers down Oscar’s spine. Lando’s lips moved with deliberate, slow caresses, exploring the contours of Oscar’s mouth with a finesse that was both sensual and instructive. He traced the shape of Oscar’s lips with his own, occasionally grazing them with the tip of his tongue, sending jolts of warmth and anticipation through Oscar’s body.

Lando’s hand slid behind Oscar’s neck, fingers splayed as he pulled him closer. The intimacy of the touch made Oscar feel like he was floating, his heart pounding so fiercely it felt almost painful. Lando’s tongue danced against Oscar’s in a languid, practiced rhythm, coaxing and teasing with an expert touch. It was a kiss that spoke of patience and precision, drawing out the nuances of every movement, every flutter of the tongue.

When Lando finally pulled back slightly, his lips still hovering near Oscar’s, he met his gaze with a playful glint. “See, the key is to start off gentle, to let the kiss build up. It helps you gauge how she responds, and it makes the moment feel more intense when you decide to deepen it.”

Oscar’s eyes were wide, his breath ragged from the previous kiss. “It felt… incredible.”

Lando’s smile widened as he leaned in again, this time with a more intense purpose. “But you can also kiss her like this.” His lips captured Oscar’s once more, but this time with a fervor that was anything but restrained. The kiss was fiery and unrelenting, every touch of Lando’s tongue bold and demanding. He explored the inside of Oscar’s mouth with an urgent passion, as if trying to consume him with the intensity of the moment.

Oscar’s response was immediate and visceral. He moaned softly into the kiss, the sound muffled but filled with a raw, breathless need. His hands tightened on Lando’s shoulders, his body pressing closer, overwhelmed by the sensation. The kiss was a whirlwind of heat and sensation that left Oscar gasping, his mind momentarily blank as he tried to keep up with the intoxicating rhythm.

When Lando finally pulled away, his eyes were dark with satisfaction. “That’s the kind of kiss that leaves a mark, something she’ll remember. It’s not just about technique—it’s about making her feel every bit of passion you’ve got.”

Oscar was breathless, his lips tingling and his chest rising and falling rapidly. The kiss had left him reeling, his emotions a tangled mess of excitement and confusion. He looked at Lando, still trying to process the overwhelming rush of feelings.

Lando chuckled softly, his thumb brushing across Oscar’s flushed cheek, his lips grazing Oscar’s as he spoke. “Touch me,” he instructed. “It makes it easier for me to show you how to praise a girl"

Oscar hesitated for a moment before his hands started to explore Lando’s body, sliding under his shirt to feel the warmth of his skin. “Your hands feel so good, Osc” he murmured, his voice trembling.

Lando's hand moved to palm Oscar through his jeans, causing him to gasp. “See how good that feels?” Lando whispered. “Tell her that you love the way she's responding to you. Tell her how much you like it.” He pressed his palm more firmly, eliciting a louder moan from Oscar.

“Lando… I need… I can’t…” Oscar stuttered, his body trembling with arousal, still trying to fight against the feelings he developed for his teammate.

Lando smiled, his hand continuing its slow, torturous movements. “You can, Osc. You’re doing amazing. Just let it happen.” He leaned in to kiss Oscar’s neck again, his teeth grazing the sensitive skin. “It’s all about making her feel desired, cherished.”

Oscar’s moans grew louder, his body arching into Lando’s touch. “Lando, please… I…”

“Do you want me to stop?” Lando asked, his voice husky.

“No, just… slow down a bit,” Oscar pleaded. “I don’t want to come in my pants like a fucking teenager”

Lando chuckled softly, his hand slowing its movements. “Alright, we can take our time.” He guided Oscar’s hand to his own crotch. “Touch me now, Oscar. Show me what you’ve learned.”

Oscar’s hand trembled as he began to touch Lando through his jeans. The sounds Lando made in response sent shivers down Oscar’s spine. “You’re doing great,” Lando praised, his voice breathless. “Tell her how much you want her.”

Oscar tried to form coherent sentences, but all that came out were stuttered words and moans. “You feel… so good, Lando. I want… I need…”

Lando took Oscar’s hands and gently slid them under the hem of his shirt, guiding them to his back. “Feel my back with your fingers, Osc,” he murmured, his voice a blend of encouragement and intimacy. “I love it when someone touches my back like that. It’s like a spark of connection, you know?” He paused, a hint of color rising to his cheeks as he realized his slip. With a sheepish grin, he added, “Uh, but yeah, you can definitely use the same touch on her too.”

Oscar’s fingers glided over Lando’s back, tracing the firm muscles beneath his shirt. As he explored, a smile spread across his face, touched by the unexpected intimacy of the moment. He couldn’t help but let out a soft, appreciative moan, both from the sensation and Lando’s accidental confession.

His eyes met Lando’s with a mix of gratitude and playfulness. “You know,” Oscar said, his voice warm and sincere, “you deserve to enjoy this as much as I do. After all, you’re the one helping me figure all this out.”

He continued his gentle exploration, his touch lingering as he enjoyed the closeness and the subtle shift in their dynamic. The connection between them felt deeper, a shared understanding making the moment all the more special.

Lando’s hand slipped into Oscar’s boxers, his touch deliberate and confident as he wrapped around him firmly. The sensation of Lando’s warm fingers gripping him sent shivers through Oscar’s body, heightening the intensity of his pleasure.

“You’re so vocal, Oscar,” Lando said, his voice a low purr of satisfaction. “That’s good. Girls love hearing how much they’re pleasing you.” He began to move his hand with a slow, deliberate rhythm, each stroke methodical and teasing. He varied the pressure, alternating between light caresses and firmer grips, making sure to focus on every sensitive area with precision "Do you like having my hands on you? Tell me how it feels, Osc"

Oscar’s breath came in shallow, uneven gasps, his body trembling with each calculated stroke. “Feels… amazing,” he managed to gasp out, his voice trembling. “So good…”

Lando’s other hand moved up to tangle gently in Oscar’s hair, his fingers brushing softly against his scalp as he pulled him closer. “You’re so beautiful like this,” he murmured, his voice husky with admiration. “So responsive. It’s hot, Oscar.”

The praise and the careful, attentive touch only heightened Oscar’s sensations. His moans grew louder, each one escaping his lips in a desperate, breathless rush. Lando’s hand moved with a practiced rhythm, his strokes growing increasingly intense as he built Oscar closer to the edge. He varied the speed, sometimes dragging his fingers slowly and deliberately, and other times quickening the pace just enough to drive Oscar wild.

Oscar’s entire body was on fire, every nerve ending heightened by Lando’s touch. His hands gripped the edge of the bed, knuckles white, as he struggled to hold onto his composure. The waves of pleasure were cresting higher, leaving him gasping for breath.

“Lando…” Oscar managed to whimper, his voice breaking with the overwhelming sensation. “I’m… I’m so close…”

Lando’s fingers tightened ever so slightly, his strokes becoming more focused and deliberate, drawing out the tension with a teasing, almost sadistic precision. “I know, baby. Almost, just a little longer,” Lando coaxed softly, the endearment slipping from his lips before he realized it.

Oscar’s head fell back, his moans escalating as he neared the peak. The build-up was relentless, every touch and caress pushing him closer until he was on the brink, unable to hold back any longer. “I-I can’t, Lan…”

“You can, Osc. I know you can,” Lando said firmly, his voice both encouraging and commanding. He continued his movements with a deliberate rhythm, his touch skillful and unwavering. The combination of gentle and intense strokes, along with the steady pressure of his hand, kept Oscar right on the edge of his climax.

Lando’s eyes were focused on Oscar, watching every shiver, every trembling gasp as he worked to drive him to the brink. He maintained a steady pace, every movement calculated to heighten the pleasure. “Feel it, Osc. You’re so close.”

Oscar’s body was taut with anticipation, each stroke and caress amplifying the intensity of his pleasure. His moans grew more urgent, more desperate, as he fought to hold on for just a little longer. His breaths came in ragged gasps, his body shaking uncontrollably.

Lando, feeling the culmination of their shared moment, pressed his lips fiercely against Oscar’s, capturing him in a heated, passionate kiss. The kiss was fervent and consuming, Lando’s tongue dancing with Oscar’s as he continued to stroke him.

Oscar’s moans vibrated against Lando’s lips, the overwhelming pleasure and the heat of the kiss combining into a heady mix. Lando’s kiss was insistent and greedy, a way of anchoring their shared experience in a moment of pure, unrestrained intimacy.

Finally, unable to hold back any longer, Oscar’s body convulsed in a powerful release, a shuddering climax that left him breathless and weak.

"F-fuck, Lando" he moaned as the waves of pleasure hit him, his moans were muffled but intense, his head falling back in ecstasy. His release spilling over Lando’s hand. He collapsed against Lando, panting and trembling, while Lando continued to stroke him gently, prolonging the lingering aftershocks of his orgasm.

Once Oscar had regained his senses, he looked at Lando with a mixture of gratitude and embarrassment. “Do you want me to help you out?” he asked, his voice still shaky.

Lando smiled, shaking his head. “I- Euh-" he stuttered a little, confident Lando norris, at loss for words "I-I already came,” he confessed, glancing down at the wet patch on his jeans. “You were so hot, I couldn’t hold back"

Oscar felt a strange sense of satisfaction and relief. He leaned in and kissed Lando softly, their lips lingering for a moment. “Fucking hell, that's so hot"

—————⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆ ⋆⁺—————

The third time it happened was during the race weekend in Miami. It started out innocent. The two of them texting the night before race day, before evolving into more after Lando claimed his maiden win.

*Flashback*

Oscar was laying in his hotel bed, his phone in his hands as he texted his teammate. Nerves pooling in his stomach, afraid to text Lando what he was planning on.

Oscar: I think I've figured out why I always fail to get a girl

Lando: 👀

Oscar: I think I might be into guys.

Lando: Well, I'm surprised you didn't figure that out sooner😂

Oscar: What's that supposed to mean?

Lando: Osc, you wouldn't have been able to get your dick up when I touched you, if you weren't into guys. Lando: And you most certainly wouldn't have spilled all over my hands, twice🤭

Oscar: Whoops🫠

Lando: Don't worry about it too much, Osc. There's nothing wrong with being into guys

Oscar: Don't get me wrong, I like girls, I really do. Oscar: But I think I prefer guys when it comes to one night stands🫣

Lando: Hey, that makes two of us then. Lando: Although I must admit that I prefer guys in general

*end of flashback*

Lando had done it; he’d actually won the race. The pride and elation surged through Oscar as he watched Lando on the top step of the podium, the victory sparkling in every corner of the grandstand. The sight of Lando, tears streaming down his face and a look of sheer relief, was a moment of pure emotion. Oscar’s heart swelled with pride and joy, mirroring Lando’s tears as he felt the victory was as much his as it was Lando’s.

After Lando had finished all his obligatory duties, Oscar awaited him in the driver’s room, sitting on the couch with barely contained anticipation.

The door finally opened, and Lando walked in, his racing suit hanging low on his waist, the fireproofs clinging to his body, drenched in champagne, his emotions visibly overwhelming him. He was surprised to see Oscar there, his gaze meeting Oscar's as he closed the door behind him. “Hi,” Lando murmured, the grin on his face as wide as it had been on the podium.

Oscar sprang from the couch and hurled himself into Lando’s arms, his voice a whisper of fervent pride as he buried his face in Lando’s neck. “I’m so proud of you, Lan,” he murmured, his hands wrapping around Lando’s waist, feeling the damp fabric of the fireproofs.

Lando smiled, pulling Oscar closer, his arms encircling him tightly. “I finally did it, Osc. I finally did it,” he whispered back, the joy in his voice palpable.

Oscar reluctantly pulled away from the embrace, his eyes filled with a mix of mischief and desire. He guided Lando backwards until his back hit the closed door, trapping him between the door and Oscar’s body. With a purposeful, suggestive look, Oscar lowered himself to his knees, his eyes sparkling with a cheeky grin. “Can I?” he asked, his hands sliding to the hem of Lando’s race suit that hung low on his hips. “I wanna make you feel good. You deserve it.”

Lando’s eyebrows shot up, a mix of surprise and curiosity crossing his face. “Is this because you figured out you're into guys? Do you want me to teach you how to give a blowjob, just in case you need it in the club next time?” His voice held a small pang of hurt, a hint of insecurity clouding his expression.

Oscar looked confused for a moment. “What are you talking about?”

Lando explained, “I realized we only focused on how to please a girl last time, so I assumed you wanted to do this for that reason.”

Oscar stood up, cupping Lando’s cheeks with a sincere gaze. “Lan, can we please stop pretending that us being intimate is just about teaching me how to seduce someone else? We both know it stopped serving that purpose the moment you made me cum for the first time.” He rested his forehead against Lando’s, his voice soft but firm. “I don’t want you to teach me how to please someone else. I want you to teach me how to please you.”

Lando, his heart pounding, grabbed Oscar by the collar of his fireproofs and pulled him into a searing kiss. The kiss was intense, a wild torrent of emotions and need that surged between them. Lando’s lips crashed against Oscar’s with a fervor that spoke of their shared passion and connection. Their hands roamed over each other’s bodies, exploring and grasping, the heat between them building rapidly.

Oscar’s hands slid up Lando’s chest, feeling the taut muscles beneath the damp fireproofs. He pulled Lando’s suit down around his ankles, his movements slow and deliberate, savoring the anticipation and the intimate closeness. As he looked up at Lando, his voice was a hushed plea. “Please, let me make you feel good.”

Oscar, his hands steady but his heart racing, looked up at Lando with a mix of excitement and apprehension. “Can you guide me? Tell me what you like and how to do it right? I've never done this before”

Lando’s eyes softened with affection, a genuine smile spreading across his face. “Of course,” he replied, his voice husky with desire. “I’d love nothing more.” His hand gently cupped the back of Oscar’s head, guiding him with a tender touch.

Oscar’s hands continued their slow exploration, his fingers brushing against Lando’s exposed skin. Lando’s breathing quickened as Oscar’s lips made contact with him, the initial touch gentle and exploratory.

“Start slow,” Lando instructed softly, his voice a blend of encouragement and need. “Use your lips to explore first. Pay attention to how I respond. Feel what makes me shiver or moan.”

Oscar nodded, taking his time to follow Lando’s guidance. His lips brushed softly against Lando's thigh, his kisses light and teasing. Each touch was deliberate, a tender exploration that drew a soft gasp from Lando. He then slowly to the head of Lando's erection between his lip, the gentle pressure of Oscar’s mouth was met with a deep, approving sigh from Lando.

As Oscar continued, his confidence grew with every positive reaction from Lando. He varied his technique, experimenting with different pressures and movements. “You’re doing so well,” Lando murmured, his voice thick with appreciation. “Just like that… so good…”

Oscar’s nerves began to melt away under the weight of Lando’s praise. He took in every word, using it to guide his actions. Lando’s breath became ragged, his hands gripping Oscar’s shoulders gently but firmly as he guided him through the rhythm.

“Try using your tongue more,” Lando suggested, his voice strained with pleasure. “Circle it slowly, and then flick it lightly. I'll love how that feels” He demonstrated with his own movements, showing Oscar how to add variety and depth to the experience.

Oscar followed Lando’s instructions with dedication, his tongue tracing delicate patterns that elicited more shivers and moans. Each new technique he tried was met with further encouragement from Lando. “That’s perfect,” Lando gasped, his voice breaking slightly. “Just like that… keep going…”

The intensity of the moment built gradually, with Lando’s reactions guiding Oscar’s pace. The pleasure between them was palpable, a growing heat that enveloped them both. Oscar’s arousal grew alongside Lando’s, each stroke and touch fueling his desire to give Lando the best experience possible.

At one point, Oscar pulled back slightly, his breath warm against Lando’s skin. “You taste incredible,” he said, his voice hushed with awe and desire. The admission was honest and heartfelt.

Lando’s eyes widened in surprise, a teasing smirk playing on his lips. “You can’t say things like that,” he murmured, his breath hitching with the intensity of his arousal. “Unless you want me to cum right here and now.”

Oscar’s determination only intensified with Lando’s comment. He leaned in closer, his mouth working with renewed vigor. The prospect of making Lando lose control spurred him on, his movements becoming more confident and focused.

The build-up continued, each touch and every movement Oscar made with his tongue driving Lando closer to the edge. Oscar’s dedication was unwavering, his hands and mouth working in harmony with Lando’s guidance. The room was filled with the sounds of their shared pleasure, Lando’s moans growing louder and more urgent.

As Lando neared his climax, he tried to gently pull Oscar away, his voice breathless and strained. “Osc, I’m close… You don’t have to…”

Oscar, however, was undeterred. He pressed on, his determination only growing stronger. “No, I want this,” he said, his voice filled with fervent desire. “I want you right here"

Lando, overwhelmed by the sensation and Oscar’s unwavering resolve, finally reached his peak. His body tensed and shuddered as he came, the intensity of the moment making his breath come in ragged gasps. Oscar continued to pleasure him, working Lando all the way through his orgasm.

Afterward, Oscar rose from his knees, his face flushed with both exertion and satisfaction. He captured Lando’s lips in a searing, passionate kiss, the taste of Lando mingling with his own excitement. Their kiss was a fiery connection, filled with all the love and desire that had built up between them.

When they finally pulled apart, their foreheads rested against each other’s, both panting heavily. Lando’s eyes were filled with a mix of adoration and vulnerability. “God, I’m so in love with you,” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion.

Oscar’s smile was radiant, his eyes glistening with affection. “I’m in love with you too, Lan.”

Their words hung in the air, a testament to the depth of their feelings and the intense connection they had just shared.

—————⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾⋆⁺₊⋆ ⋆⁺—————

[angelic-sturniolos111]

Some Privacy 🌌 pt. 1

You’ve been staying with the triplets in LA for a few weeks and are growing incredibly sexually frustrated being in Matt’s presence all the time. A late-night hot-tub sesh between the two of you reveals all…

matthew sturniolo x fem! reader

warnings: smut in future parts 🤭, mentions of rape, lots of sexual tensionnnnn

author’s note: quite possibly my best work to date tbh had to make it into parts

future parts will be linked here =>

Y/N’s POV:

The triplets, close friends of mind, were kind enough to let me stay with them in LA for a few weeks while I had off from school while I work remote. They’ve showed me all around LA and we’ve spent a lot of time together having fun and making content for their YouTube channel. Everything has been great, and I really have no reason to complain, except for one thing…

I’m horny as fuck.

Normally, my libido is a little above average I’d say, but there’s one major contributing factor to my frustration.

Matt Sturniolo.

I’ve always had a crush on him since we’ve met though I’d never act on my feelings in fear that he’d reject me. Aside from my feelings for him he is absolutely, incredibly, insanely hot. I can never get my eyes off of him when we’re in a room together. The way his stubble perfectly contours his jaw, his big veiny hands, the tattooed, everything. Though he wasn’t just a looker, he’s also one of the sweetest kindest people I’ve ever met— which is why I can’t risk losing him as a friend.

I’d typically handle my current situation on my own. The problem is, I’m sleeping on the triplets couch in the living room. Knowing those night owls, anyone could enter the room at any given moment, and I can’t risk getting caught. Not only that, but we’re always together and not once have I had the house to myself or any moment of privacy since being here.

I’m laying on the couch seriously debating on whether or not I should touch myself, but then my mind wandered to the thought of Matt possibly catching me in the act. The thought of Matt watching me touch myself made my situation worse as the heat built up between my legs and my heartbeat got that much faster.

“Ugh— fuck this.” I said to myself. I got up off the couch and grabbed some of my workout clothes to change in the bathroom. Then I went back into the living room by the front door and sat down to put on and tie my sneakers. The only other way I could let this frustration out would be to go for a run, and that’s just what I planned to do until I hear a door creak open.

I see Matt stepping out of his bedroom, clad in sweatpants and a t-shirt, rubbing his eyes as if he’d just woken up.

“Hey, I’m sorry if I woke you up.”

“Nah, I was kinda already awake and I thought I heard you— wait, what are you doing? Where are you going?” He questions once he sees me dressed and tying my shoes, ready to head out the door.

“I’m going for a run.”

“Ummm no you’re not.” He says in a serious tone.

“Ummm yes, I am.” I reply in the same tone.

“Y/N, I’m not letting you go for a run alone this late at night.”

“I’ll be fine Matt,” I say as I stand up and start grabbing my bag and water bottle. He roughly grabs my wrist and stops me forcing me to look up at him.

“NO you are not going! You’ll get kidnapped, or raped, or something… I am not letting you leave this house.” He said sternly. I sighed, staring up at the ceiling in surrender.

“Why do you want to run this late anyways?” Matt says letting go of my wrist and leaning against the kitchen counter. I pause thinking of how to answer.

“I’m just… stressed.” I half-lied.

“How come?”

“It’s ummm— it’s complicated. I’m just really stressed and needed to hash it out somehow so I could relax and go to sleep.” Matt nods his head in response, and though the room is dimly lit I can still see the concern behind his blue eyes.

“How about I go get the hot tub heated up and we can relax in there together, okay?” The hot tub? Alone, with Matt? Before I could protest he speaks up, “C’mon, go put a bathing suit on and I’ll meet you out there, k?” Matt says assuredly. I sigh, turning back to the living room to get a bathing suit out of my suitcase and change again.

*****

I push open the sliding glass door to see Matt already in the bubbling, steaming hot tub. He's in his bathing suit, shirtless, the front strands of hair gently clinging to his forehead from the steam, soft blue light of the hot tub illuminating his face… Fuck. In no way was this helping my sexual frustration.

I saunter over to the tub and step in letting the hot water consume me. The pulsing jets hitting all the right spots on my lower back and shoulders. I inhale deeply feeling the humid steam fill my nostrils. I exhale letting my head fall back onto the side of the tub.

"Feels good?" Matt asks. My heart skips a beat at his question as I imagine him saying it to me under different circumstances, and for the filthiest of reasons.

"Mhmm." I hum in reply, not dropping my head back to look at him because I know that would just drive me up a wall.

I stayed in this position for a while, head back and eyes closed as I try and focus on the soothing sensation the hot tub is giving me while also trying not to bring my attention to Matt knowing that would only make my situation worse.

"Why are you stressed? What's on your mind?" Matt asks bringing me back to reality after zoning out. I reluctantly drop my head back down and open my eyes to meet his. Big mistake. The steam had collected on his skin causing small beads of water to fall down his chest into the tub. His arms were outstretched against the walls of the tub, and his legs part wide open as he laid his back against the tub wall. Despite being submerged underwater I could feel my core getting increasingly wet.

"I told you it's complicated, and it's personal…" I reply shyly.

"Awe c'mon Y/N, you can tell me. You know Nick nor Chris can have mature conversations about our feelings like I can." I sigh. He's right. I've always been able to talk freely and openly with Matt about my problems, my anxiety, and he opens up to me about the same things.

"I've been very… frustrated recently." I say hesitantly, looking at the blue bubbling water to avoid eye contact.

"How come? Is being in the house with us too much? I know we can be a lot sometimes so if you want to go home that's totally fine, we'll understand." He says genuinely. My lips curl into a smile huffing out a light laugh at his cute assumption.

"No! No that's not it at all. I love being here with you three." I say bringing my eyes up to find Matt's already looking deeply into mine. He raises his brows slightly and tilts his head indicating for me to continue. "I've been," God, was I really about to tell him this?

"I've been sexually frustrated. Extremely." I say, not breaking eye contact. Everything inside of me is vibrating and I feel like sinking down into the tub and drowning myself in it.

Matt's eyes widen slightly as his mouth gently parts. "Oh…" he said softly as that was all he managed to get out. He dropped his arms into his lap and stared at the water looking deep in thought. We both didn't speak, only for a moment, but the silence made time feel like it was dragging out forever.

"Why, then… Have you— have you touched yourself at all?" Matt stutters out. I can sense he's just as nervous as I am to have this conversation, but I also can tell that there is genuine concern laced in his voice.

"No. Trust me, I've wanted to. I’ve been sleeping on the couch in the living room, so I haven’t. You and your brothers are up at all hours of the night, and one of you has come into the kitchen for a late-night snack, or come to the living room to see if I was awake to chat or film. So I feel like I just haven’t had enough privacy to do so— that’s all.”

Matt and I have had many deep conversations before, and I am always super honest with him because he makes me feel safe and comfortable. But right now, I’ve never felt so vulnerable in front of him.

“Mmm.” He hums, his eyes darting away from mine.

A few moments of slightly uncomfortable silence pass before he pushes himself off the hot tub wall and slowly makes his way over to me. Our eyes lock again, but his are different this time, darker.

“We have some privacy now.” Matt says in a low, deep tone.

We? My breath hitches in my throat.

Suddenly, everything in the atmosphere changed. We deeply stared into each other’s eyes. Our stare was one where we both didn’t have to speak, and the silence felt comfortable. His stare quieted the millions of thoughts racing in my head until I was only focused on him and how my body called for him. I no longer felt vulnerable. I felt stronger. Confident.

I could see in his eyes that he was thinking the same thing I was, and his blown out pupils told me he wanted it just as badly…

**********

taglist:

@flowerxbunnie @delimeats-000 @daddyslilchickenfingers @sturniolosluvv @lovingmattysposts @lustfulslxt @sturnioloskies @recklesssturniolo @strniohoeee @apclyptc @strawberrysturniolo @hoesformatt @luv4kozume

[nerves-nebula]

what made your first year of college so much worse than the second?

godddd where do i even start. Complaining goes under the cut cuz it’s too damn long.

8 hour studios 3 times a week that start at 8 AM and only break for lunch. one of the professors expected us to stand the entire time we were drawing and only sit when we went on break. plus homework for those studios, because each studio was a different foundational class. and on the days when you dont have those studios you got other foundational classes like art history and literature or something. you've got homework for all of these classes too and tests and everything.

and each studio being a different class is a huge issue and really frustrating as well. the classes are drawing, design and, like, basically a 3D class, right? where you use power tools and carve stuff and all that. But imagine you go to this school for painting or to make clothes, then the three foundational classes might just really bore and frustrate you. because you don't really feel like they're helping you gain any skills in your preferred major.

so you have all these artistic kids who want to do their best, being forced to do things they hate and being told it's to make us "more well rounded." (which dont get me wrong i understand, but that doesnt make it suck any less)

so all the art you make is painful to create, and you don't even like the result. but we knew what we signed up for, and the point is to last past first year so you can get into your major. thats the point for me, at least. so you just get what you can done, but i cant imagine what I would've done if i'd fallen behind even once.

And then my own personal hell- being in a new place and not knowing what to do or who to talk to or how to communicate ! So i was constantly stressed out in like a social way. idk if i vented about this here but i fell over in a fit of anxiety and hyperventilation in class multiple times first year. I straight up fell over at least twice and i had crying fits multiple times (with varying degrees of how quiet I was being, sometimes they don't even notice :D)

I was incredibly emotionally isolated and cried myself to sleep like every night. my only social interactions were at work because I'm very bad at socializing properly and making friends in class, and i was always too tired to go to any events. LUCKY for me I met a really cool friend while doing some student work and it was really nice and chill.

ANYWAY BACK TO THE STRESS. to give an example of the situation: our first homework for drawing class was to make this big ink master copy of a van gogh sketch, and it didn't have to be perfect, or even GOOD tbh, but regardless it took forever. and i spilled my ink on it which nearly led to a breakdown but instead i just laughed cause otherwise I'd go insane. the amount of podcasts and audiobooks i burned through that year just to keep myself sane was mind-numbing. i listened to, no joke, ALL of Well There's Your Problem, and i went back and listened to a lot of them more than once.

i was really lucky though, cause some other students had first projects that were like "bring in 50 drawings by next class" or "make a chair out of only cardboard that you can sit on without it collapsing" or something. and i never had a teacher that bad.

actually, my second semester design professor was really REALLY chill. He let me sleep in class if i finished the work so I spent a few hours in his class just chilling and sleeping fitfully (as in I was so stressed i would gasp and mutter myself awake, which really alarmed my classmates but i never got close enough to them to explain myself soooo they prolly just think something is wrong with me. which it is! oh well)

i can only speak for myself but i was basically working any moment i wasn't sleeping, eating, shitting, or showering. somehow other people made time to befriend each other and hang out and like, go to parties??? i dont know how. Frankly I don't even remember how i did what i did either, specifically I reached out to my college's mental health services and got on some medication for anxiety. I also somehow managed to write an essay for our student published thingy about how I wanted to kms and felt unsupported by mental health professionals lmao.

I have NO IDEA how i did any of that because this year i kept falling asleep for five hours in the middle of the day. my theory is that I got more done because I physically HAD TO STAY AWAKE. I COULD NOT ALLOW MYSELF TO FAIL.

I was so stressed out the first year that I often couldn't sleep without hugging my giant elephant stuffed animal or using it as a comforting weight on top of me. one morning i woke up hyperventilating and went to go cut a huge role of paper at like 6 AM because i was so worried about forgetting to cut the paper before i left before class at 8 AM.

so yeah, my theory is that since second year wasn't that insanely stressful, all those hours i spent eking out any artistic joy possible (making owl house comics, writing that essay, and painting my clothing) just to make sure i didn't kms were replaced instead with me just falling asleep at inopportune times, because I wasn't as scared that I wouldn't have time for my work.

OH MY GOD AND FIRST YEAR I GOT PUT IN TWO CONSECUTIVE GROUP PROJECTS WITH THIS ABSOLUTE MONSTER- but that could be its entire own post. suffice it to say that he had been reported multiple times for various things and one of my classmates recognized who i was talking about just from me vaguely complaining about how much i hated him.

anyway im sure there's even more that i forgot about but to be honest i think i've explained enough.

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

Today is November 14, 2022.

Remember a few months ago when I promised that if I had anymore weird symbolic dreams, I would tell you about them? You probably won't believe this but I had another one about Thomas the other night.

This time, my older step-brother was throwing a party at this absolutely gigantic house he was taking care of. And for some reason, Thomas was there. I kept trying to get to him to talk but couldn't get to him. You know those scenes in movies where the main character sees someone they need or want to talk to, but that person keeps disappearing behind a crowd that suddenly appears? It was like that. I was getting frustrated, and went and sat alone in a living room. I sat on this very large comfortable couch and pulled my knees to my chest. I let out a long sigh and started crying.

The party was going strong in another room, but my step-brother happened to walk by going to the kitchen. He stopped and walked over to me to ask what was wrong. I told him about the situation, and he said "I know where he went, I can take you to him." He led me through the kitchen and to a door, which led to the downstairs of the house. He asked if I wanted him to take me down to him, and I told him that I could find him if I just knew where he was downstairs. So he told me, and I ran down the stairs in a way I would never do in real life (because I have arthritis in my knees).

I opened the door to the room he was in, and he was sitting in a chair, playing a game on the TV. I stepped in, and asked "Thomas?" and then my fiancé's alarm went off and woke me up. When I fell asleep again a few minutes later, I had another dream about him. I can only assume it was a continuation of that dream.

When I went back to sleep, I found myself in a vehicle with Thomas. We were going somewhere, I recognized the area where we were driving. He had a big smile on his face, and we were chatting away about life and how much we had missed each other. But then he said something really weird that I still can't understand. Finally, he told me, "You know, your fiancé and I are brothers?" And I laughed and said there was no way that was true. And he playfully argued with me that it was. But my subconscious was lucid enough to know that it can't be because they're from two completely different states. I woke up for the last time soon after that.

I don't know what it means, Charlie. I feel like I am going completely insane trying to figure the meanings out. I told my best friend and he said maybe it was symbolic of how much they both mean to me. This may be so, but I did happen to wonder if perhaps they had the same last name? I never knew Thomas' last name, so this is possible. I read into as being like when two people have the same last name and joke "I wonder if we're related?". But anything is possible. I don't have the slightest idea, I can't seem to make heads or tails of any of the dreams I've had about him lately. I never used to dream about him, but it seems like I'm having dreams about him more and more.

I don't know what to do about it, Charlie.

Your friend, with love, as always,

Ann

[bitbybitwrites]

Am I late for the writing game?

5, 18, 44 and pick one you really, really want to answer and no one's asked yet :)

It's never too late! 😉

5.     How much writing do you get done on an average day?

Oh this is embarassing - not very much, to be honest. Its not that I wouldn't want to. But after dealing with work, then family, then chores/ housework, I'm exhausted . . and its late at night when I finally have time to just myself. By that time I'm almost always fighting sleep, so I can get very little done. So most of my writing is done in tiny spurts here and there. Like I can sometimes squeeze in 10-15 minutes in the morning before I run to work . . . maybe I can write something before I pass out for the night. If I'm lucky to take the train into the city or I'm stuck in like a waiting room for awhile, I can get nice big chunks of writing done. I always carry a journal with me to jot things down in, then I transfer it onto my computer when I get a chance. So whenever I preface with "I'm a slow writer", its not only because sometimes it takes forever for me to get the words right. It's literally because I'm so swamped with other things I have little time to focus on writing.

18.  If you could collaborate with anyone, who would it be, and what would you write about?

I'll be honest - I''m not sure collaboration is in my future - I think I'd frustrate the hell out of another writer if they were waiting for me to hand in my portion ( see question above) and I am a little anal retentive when it goes to editing and stuff and wanting writing styles to mesh so it would seem like a seamless transition from one person's work to another, I'm sure that would drive them crazy as well 😂😂😂 But all that aside . . . if none of that mattered . . I don't know. if we're talking published authors - I think Neil Gaiman and Casey McQuiston would be fun to write with. I also love Amy Tan and Kevin Kwan's writing I love too . . also Bill Bryson ( though he's a non fiction writer, not fiction). If we are talking fan fic - god . . too many to count. You all are so damn good I really can't pick one. Though I have to say if we ever wrote anything together, I can imagine the amount of angst ( esp blangst) that would be coming out of those pages. It might drive readers insane 😂

44.  How much research do you do?

It really depends on the story - though I can be prone to going down research rabbit holes if I find something interesting 😂. But that was the part I loved about school - the research, the learning of new things.

 . . .and pick one you really, really want to answer and no one's asked yet :). this was hard to choose, so I'll go with this one:

40.  Share some backstory for one of your characters

I'll share some tidbits about an OC I created for If I Can Make Your Heart My Home that I've noticed a many of my readers like: Lillian Anderson ( Blaine's English grandmother)

Lillian is a talented musician herself (piano and violin).

She met her husband while auditioning for the London Symphony Orchestra. He was concertmaster at the time. She auditioned for 2nd violin chair.

After they married, he became a conductor and they traveled a bit relocating to whatever orchestra her husband worked with at the time, before settling in New York for a bit - where they had their son and raised him.

They returned to England for the most part after their son (Bradford) finished college, and they began a good deal of philanthropic work ( mostly arts based) until their grand children were born. Then they would travel back and forth, so they could spend as much time as they could with Cooper and Blaine.

Fun fact: Blaine's middle name (Devon) was a nod to Lillian's paternal roots - her own family hailing from Devon, England. During the summers Lillian would whisk the grandkids back off to Devon to bond, especially after her husband passed.

Her moody tortoiseshell cat, Schumann is named after composer Robert Schumann

***

Thanks so much for the asks, @heartsmadeofbooks! 💖💖💖💖

Click here to play

[marigoldplastic]

Blog day 1?

I haven't had an internet blog... like, ever. Not a serious one at least. A place where you can put down your thoughts with no filter is foreign to me from anything besides a pencil and notebook paper. I want to be able to write freely. I want to start off on a weird personal level that slowly devolves into fictional rants and stories. A place where I can vent my deepest frustrations and my darkest thoughts.

A scream into the void, if you would.

See, I've always fancied myself as a writer. From trying to write zombie books as a kid, to winning the young author award in middle school, and even as far as becoming a published journalist by high school and ending with proper dabble into the creative writing zone by my senior year. However, since the start of my college career... I find myself writing less and less. Which is incredibly ironic given the fact that my literal career of choice is to become a speech writer for politicians (don't ask why, it's a very convoluted answer lol.). So I guess this is my attempt of making a more personal and, admittedly, easier, way of hopefully embarking on a continuous stream of my small, and possibly insignificant, life for the internet to stumble across someday. It all feels very weird to be quite honest.

I'm not particularly the type to show my emotions to those around me. Call it years of traumatic emotional abuse from a narcissistic mother, but I just don't see the purpose of burdening others with my tragic life woes. Now other people's tragic life woes? BRING EM ON. I eat up other people's problems like it's a nutritionally balanced and well rounded breakfast on the first day of school. I live to listen to people and to help solve other people's problems. That can be great and all until you come to this point of wanting to be heard too. That's the catch though... how can you want to be heard, yet continue to be an emotional wall? These are the type of questions that have been keeping me up until 5 am lately! Don't even get me started on my sleep schedule, jeez.

Would you believe that I've been sleeping in until nearly 3 pm everyday for the past 2 weeks. I have classes starting on Tuesday this week and GOD it's going to be a pain in the ass to wake up at 6:45 am to get to my 9 am class on time. Maybe I'll just stay up all night lol. It's a shame though. My dreams have been so emotionally involved lately. I constantly dream of minor romances and deeply embedded plots. There's always chemistry between me and some person and there's always something large at stake that I'm working towards fixing or solving. My dreams can vary from zombie apocalypses, to dystopian government, and even to exploring deep forests and finding dead bodies. OH man, one of my most intriguing recurring dreams involves a vast cave system deep in familiar mountains. In this cave system lives a forgotten horror of people living within them. They're not people people though, and they're not mole people either. They're mindless, savage beings who hunt you down when you dare enter too deeply into the caves. There are two main parts to the cave system: the top part that is safe and accessible to the general public; and then there's the lower, deeper parts of the cave. Even from the upper level you can hear the screams and wails of these people.

Typically, this cave system may also be attached to a large facility that connects to it in odd and physically vast and deep ways. These dreams are honestly probably just a conglomeration of all the video games and horror movies I've watched growing up. Not to mention I've been to a local gold mine that's locally popular. That cave system is amazing and tucked away two miles into the Los Angeles Mountains. It's insanely dark in there, but it's astonishingly beautiful to see the rock structures and materials left behind in there. I've been to all the main access areas of that mine, but I'd love to go and do an extreme deep dive of the place. There's upper, lower, and middle sections of the mine, as well as an area that's only accessible via a flooded hallway. I'm talking like up to your waist level of flooded.

I want to go back there someday. My last visit was in October of 2022, but that wasn't the best or most memorable trip unfortunately. That trip, looking back at it, just makes me feel icky. What a fantastic way to jump into my personal issues again! There's a part of me that really thinks I shouldn't be with or around people on a deeper level than surface. There's something really wrong with me when it comes to being a deeper and more vulnerable person. I look back at my behavior when I'm around others and I'm just embarrassed at myself. I look back and see how selfish I am, how quick to become upset I can be, and how I seem to take it out on those around me or expect to be coddled like some infant. But when I'm alone. Everything is bottled up nice and tight until I can find the right time to let it out and cry to myself. I have panic attacks, and I have anxious breakdowns, but they're all by myself and I never get worked up because there's no one around to be worked up against. It's... peaceful, I guess. I really yearn for something more with a person... but when it gets too real I chicken out. I'll often ghost people that try to text me too often (or at all), and I hate that. These people aren't just romantic options either, they're people I want to be friends with. People that I want to spend more time with. But that's the horrifying and terrifying part to me. If I spend more time with them, if I get too close and become too comfortable... they'll see the real me, the person who can't hold it together. The person who's prone to self harm, struggles with not starving herself, has the most hideous of internal thoughts on her looks and their struggles. I'm not someone who should be with someone else romantically. And... I hate that...

Despite my ability to allow someone to be sexual with me, I think I'm really asexual. I like... the attention that sexuality brings in the moment, but I hate that that's all there is. I truly feel like anyone who wants to be with me only wants me for my body and what I can offer to them with it. That makes me fear sexual connections to a point that makes me socially awkward. It doesn't help that I have... ugh... the incel type of mentality that makes me think that anyone who is nice to me likes me. It's ridiculous because who would like someone like me? I may have a witty and humorous outer shell, but I'm awkward, and indecisive, and I get too giddy over stupid things and it makes me look ridiculous getting overly excited over small insignificant things. I've never been formally diagnosed, but I really wouldn't be surprised if I was autistic. I know that's the trendy internet thing going around, but it's not trendy. It's a fucking struggle and it's harmful to my life at the very least; I can't speak for other people's lives. I feel like an unlovable freak, really like I'm some gross middle school girl who doesn't know how to dress herself and says cringe things at all the wrong times. I feel like I'm the special girl in everyone's lives. Maybe I'm a narcissist? I guess that'd make sense.

[midnightmisadventures]

Holy fucking shit im still in sc i just realized something

oh my fucking god. I’ve been so busy but like......ive been having the most insane dreams ever and i havent even had the time or energy to talk about them fully. My dreams from the last 2 nights have honestly been....so fucking crazy.

But i was going through it in my head and realized at least for a week now, ive been on both cruises and smaller boats and seeing these beautiful sunset on water....

ON WATER. My dreams lately have been showing me water???? Im fucking seeing it. Remember a couple weeks ago when all my dreams were “okay haha its me on the elevator, lets SEE this fucking water, im not scared” like for a while every single night i was just like “hi spirit, i get it.....im on a boat” like in my dreams. So i passed that test, i mastered it

Now i’ve moved on to not only seeing the beautiful freedom water, but so quickly being in dangerous situations where im hanging off the boat, or only holding on to the boat and dunking my head in the water trying not to drown. Literally multiple times, where it looked like a pretty view but to get there, theres only like a sketchy net platform to stand on and pretty quickly im scared out of my mind, dangling and begging my friends to come get me like “guys guys help PLEASE HELP PLEASE’

Are yall hearing this shit??? Do you know what this means. This means i’m now at the point where im seeing the water, and at risk of falling in it. And THATS the thing thats scary now. Now im terrified of the water, and i ask my friends to pull me up cause i think im gonna die. I’m the farthest thing from trusting the universe. 

Remember in the catch me dream where i shot in the air in the elevator and was terrified for my life, don’t look down, so frustrated and frightened, and then i saw i was there with him and i suddenly i knew everything was okay i just have to trust. So then i just fell, completely trusting and taking Liam with me. 

Now i’m being asked to fall.....in the water ive been so desperately trying to reach. And i don’t trust it again, i’m scared again. Isn’t that insane. So now i have to come to consciousness in those dreams, realize im at a scary height over some water. And just fucking fall, trust it, know that you can. 

Because remember! I always know im on the boat “like the dreams” but i never think i am currently in one. I always just think this is the one time its real, but whatever BRING IT ON

And thats the point!

I was so frustrated at myself when i was dreaming the exact same scenario every night and not realizing this is probably a fucking dream!! But dream me can’t know its a dream. Because dream me has to ACTUAL trust, that this is real life, that there are real stakes and i am really falling or really in an elevator. Because then when i have consistent courage to trust it, whatever the divines doing (cause i know the divines doing it) I don’t even know im in a dream but im STILL not scared.

And the only way for that trust to transfer is if i believe it in my real or percieved waking life. So as scary as it fucking is, i have to fall next time im dreaming it, it’ll be terrifying but i have to do it.

I have to keep doing it. Until i prove to them that i trust them completely. That i’m not scared at a single thing life throws at me cause i know they’ll catch me no matter what it is. They planned for it. So even if it seems scary, it will ALWAYS be okay.

They just need me to trust them. One because i need to always trust myself because my intuition is never wrong and i can’t doubt myself about anything anymore. Its holding me back. And 2 because theyre gonna need me to have the courage to say crazy things, do outrageous things that are unorthodox and not normal to the public. They need me to trust them, so they’ll know i’ll do it cause i know i cant lose. 

I can’t lose. 

[workscounselingcenter]

Early Fatherhood: 7 Tips for Starting Out as a Dad

Parenthood is not easy. Ask anyone, and they would say that parenthood is one of the hardest things that a person can experience. I remember people telling me that “there’s never a good time to become a parent”. Essentially, becoming a parent reframes everything else in your life. You begin to realize that life is not about you at all, you realize that there is someone else’s life, time, and needs that must be met. Women tend to get the short end of this proverbial stick. Pregnancy, hormones, breastfeeding, bottle feeding, postpartum depression, and anxiety – all of these are painful, difficult, and overwhelming.

I remember asking for advice in the weeks leading up to the birth of my daughter. How can I be a good partner? How can I support my wife? How can I make sure I start this fatherhood thing out right? I got all sorts of advice, but almost every single person made sure to remind me how much harder it was to be a mother than it was to be a father. To be fair, all of those well-meaning friends and family were right. I never want to suggest that fatherhood is harder than motherhood, but as a new father myself, I am uniquely positioned to understand the challenges that do exist as a first-time parent. I hope that I can offer you some advice, some hope, and maybe a sense of solidarity.

1.  Do EVERYTHING else. There is a good chance that mom is going to have a hard go of it. The baby will demand food constantly, and a mother’s body expends an unreal amount of energy to provide for a baby. The baby will get hungry at all hours of the day and night. Your job as the partner who is not responsible for feeding is to change diapers, burp, bathe, dress, and rock to sleep. If your partner asks for a break, it’s time to step in. If the dishes need to be done or a load of laundry needs to be washed, it’s time to step up. It is a huge demand, but this is such an integral part of those first weeks as a father both for your partner and for your little one.

2. Sleep as much as you can. When your partner is feeding the baby in the middle of the night, you should be sleeping. If it’s for five minutes or for five hours, you need to be getting your rest so that you can be “on” when your partner needs a break.

3. Find the things that make you laugh. Parenthood is draining and stressful. There is little to no sleep in those early weeks and months, and tensions can run a little high. Nothing sets your teeth on edge quite like a baby who has been screaming in your ear for twenty minutes, an hour, or two hours. You sometimes feel your sanity slip away little by little. On the other hand, the sheer ridiculousness you can find in these moments of insanity can often help break that tension. Misspoken or mispronounced words are a real treat.

4. Give yourself some grace. Parenthood is hard, and mistakes are going to be made. I cannot tell you how many times I have forgotten to make sure I have diapers and wipes ready to go before starting to change the dirty ones. I have been so frazzled and frustrated while the baby is screaming in my ear that I have seriously contemplated just putting my hand over her mouth for some relief. I am not operating at my absolute best and punishing myself for not getting it quite right all the time benefits no one.

5. Take a step back. Like I said in the last couple of points, a screaming baby is hard to deal with. If you do find yourself in a mental state where you are contemplating questionable things, take a step back, set your baby down (or return them to your partner) and gather yourself back together. Ultimately, many of us only want what is best for the baby. It may take a minute, it may take several minutes to regather yourself, but it is important to take those moments seriously, check in with yourself, and go back to being the father that you know you can be.

6. Give your partner some grace. In my situation, my wife gave birth to our baby and is the primary source of food for our little bundle of joy. She has had to deal with all of the hormonal changes in her body, the pain of pregnancy and childbirth, and the constant demands of the baby on her body. If I need to give myself grace for not operating at my best, I need to give a double helping of grace to my partner. She is not always going to be on her “a-game” either, and many times the way I respond to her can help de-escalate an emotionally turbulent situation.

7. Spend time on your relationship. A new baby is taxing on you, taxing on your partner, and a stressor on your relationship. My wife and I ask each other “how are your buckets doing”? We use the Five Love Languages in our relationship to talk about our needs for one another, and describe each Language as a bucket – physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, and quality time. Invest in your partner’s bucket when and where you can, and do not be afraid to be honest about your needs too.

Parenthood is no joke, and these tips are not a foolproof guide. But hopefully, they are helpful to you, new dad! You’ve got this.

Please be in touch. We would be more than happy to discuss how we may be able to help.

[unironicallygrace]

AOT CHARACTERS AS TAYLOR SWIFT SONGS

A/N: I honestly don't know if this has been done before but I haven't found any so Imma go ahead and do it ✌🏻 completely based on the vibes they give off.

features: jean, eren, armin, mikasa, historia, ymir, annie.

Jean

gold rush

I don't like a gold rush, gold rush,

I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush,

I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch, everybody wants you.

we all know this man is insecure as hell, I can see him feeling this way about his partner, adoring them and not being able to help but feel jealous when he damn well knows he's not the only one who's got his eye on the person he loves.

Eren

getaway car

riding in a getaway car,

there were sirens in the beat of your heart, should've known I'd be the first to leave,

think about the place where you first met me

we were jet set, bonnie and clyde,

until I switched to the other side,

it's no surprise I turned you in,

cause us traitors never win

of course he would get assigned a reputation song, this boy screams reputation vibes. anyway, this song really reminds me of him, especially if you apply it to him and mikasa but regardless, it's just the way things happened and now I'm emo again.

Armin

enchanted

this night is sparkling, don't you let it go,

I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home

I'll spend forever wondering if you knew

I was enchanted to meet you

he's just too sweet, man, I can see him meeting someone he likes and being internally infatuated, just up all night thinking about that person. he's that guy who sees floating hearts around him when he sees his crush in cartoons.

Mikasa

better man, exile

and it was always on your terms,

I waited on every careless word,

hoping they might turn sweet again

like it was in the beginning

talking down to me like I'll always be around

push my love away like it was some kind of loaded gun

I'm not your homeland anymore, so what am I defending now?

you were my town,

now I'm in exile seeing you out

damn, this kinda...screams eremika to me. listen, it's just the vibe, okay, I feel like this may or may not be the way a modern Mikasa would feel about Eren in the end. hell, maybe even canon Mikasa as well.

Historia

love story, the way I loved you, i wish you would

romeo, save me, they're trying to tell me how to feel

this love is difficult, but it's real

don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess

it's a love story, baby, just say yes

nobody can tell me this wouldn't be modern historia and ymir, I headcanon her as being this rich girl with uptight parents who want her to date someone from upper class and of course, a man, and what a surprise it is when the girl she's crushing on is far from being a male and she's also quite vulgar and not rich.

but I also have a bit of a bittersweet headcanon where she's dating someone else after breaking up with ymir and despite how sweet and gentle this other person is, historia can't help but miss ymir's roughness and all those flaws that made her who she was, and historia loved who she was. and because I'm yumihisu trash, i keep making myself suffer with that song troupe.

he can't see the smile I'm faking

and my heart's not breaking

cause I'm not feeling anything at all

and you were wild and crazy,

just so frustrating, intoxicating, complicated

got away by some mistake and now

I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain

it's 2AM and in cursing your name,

I'm so in love that I acted insane

and that's the way I loved you

I wish we could go back and remember what we were fighting for

wish you knew that I miss you too much to be mad anymore

and I wish you were right here, right now, it's all good

I wish you would

You always knew how to push my buttons,

you give me everything and nothing,

this mad mad love makes you come running

to stand back where you stood

Ymir

the last great american dynasty

there goes the last great american dynasty,

who knows, if she never showed up what could've been

there goes the maddest woman this town has ever seen

she had a marvelous time ruining everything

lmao, do not tell me this isn't what is said about ymir dating historia and making her girlfriend's parents completely disappointed.

Annie

my tears ricochet (my literal favourite)

I didn't have it in myself to go with grace

and so the battleships will sink beneath the waves

you had to kill me but it killed you just the same

(and if I'm dead to you why are you at the wake?) cursing my name, wishing I stayed

you turned into your worst fears

and you're tossing out blame, drunk on this pain

crossing out the good years

this is just annie's theme song for very obvious reasons, I won't accept any other opinions on this.

if you reblog this know somewhere in the world there's a tiny ass girl blowing a kiss at you.

[rcksmith]

Secret — Five Hargreeves

Requests: “For Five Hargreeves — can I get 97, 91 28 and 35 for a heavy smut? And 40 from fluff? If it isn’t too much trouble!”

“If it’s not too much trouble could I do 40,53 & 91 from the smut prompts for Five ty honey 💕”

Smut prompts:

28. “Such a needy little thing, aren’t you?”

35. “Try to keep quiet. We don’t want to get caught.”

40. “I guess I’ll just get off all by myself.”

53. “Well, since you want to cum so badly, why don’t we see how many times I can make you cum right now.

91. “guess i'll just have to cum in you then’

97. “You know, you always look so much better when I mark you up.”

Fluff prompts:

40. “Come cuddle.”

A/N: We not tolerate any pedophilia here !!

I write about Five with their 20s. I write the same about the characters of Harry Potter.

I hope you guys like💖I decided to compile these two requests, since they were the same central plot. I added all the elements that were asked for individually, and made sure that all ideas were respected and written down. Good reading.

Guys, I really understand who doesn’t feel comfortable reading or writing Five’s smut. But I always say that I only write with him (any genre: romance, fluff or angst) with the notion that Five is 20 years old here. All of my fanfics mention swearing or sex, even if it is a memory or something shallow, but as I am writing with Five as an adult, it is consistent that the fic has aspects of an adult life.//

English is not my first language, so I so sorry if have a mistake.

Requests are open. Love you ❤️

Couple: Five Hargreeves / Fem! Reader.

Warnings: explicit heavy smut, swearing, fluff too.

— — — — —

It was one of those warm nights, which carry a searing and heaving sensation in the back, which had a malicious tone in the air, which stirs your body to choose bad decisions, making your hands itch and your heart racing for something...intense. It was one of those hours that passed midnight, that breath was heavy with the expectation of something extraordinary, that skin prickled just with the images in mind.

And you were in that state. Heart pounding heavily, yearning for something, caustic breathing, the environment with an energy of lust. Well, at least you was like that.

Five did not share your line of reasoning, or, if he were not oblivious to the malicious moonlight that rose in the sky, he was pretending very well. Sipping a margarita at the bar in the Hargreeves mansion, with calculations in front of him taking all his attention. Normally, you loved that he focused on his own things. But now... you were seething with something that only Five could placate.

It was a few months ago that you went from just being friends with his siblings to someone he fucked hard at night. The sexual energy between the two of you was very strong, and it was very easy to make bad decisions when the bad decision in question was so fucking hot.

Five Hargreeves did things to you. You wouldn't know how to explain it with clear phrases, but his gaze made you shiver, his body made a very specific part in the middle of your legs vibrate, and his voice and that self-centered smile... God!

It was no accident that you surrendered. You would have surrendered to that battle a million times.

“Five.” You sighed softly, taking a sip from your own drink. “Can't you do this tomorrow?”

“No. I am close to solving this.”

You controlled yourself not to roll your eyes. You were never the most needy type, especially with people as reserved as Five, but, damn it, you were on fire. It was logical that you could go out and choose someone to placate that, but that would trigger many things between Five and you. He hated that you were with someone else, even though he himself didn't assuming out to you.

It are a delicate situation, you were friends with all the Hargreeves siblings, and it would be a racket if they knew that their brother was fucking one of theys best friends.

The warm evening breeze came in through the window and collided with the chill of the drink running down your throat, awakening even more lustful anxieties.

“Five..." You purred, got up from the armchair on the counter, still behind Five and slid your hands over his shoulders "Maybe...you might want to finish this later.” You whispered at the foot of his ear.

Even without seeing him, you could feel that he was letting go of one of his arrogant and malicious smiles. Five rotated the seat to be face to face with you, his legs spread wider to accommodate you between them.

“And what are you going to do to distract me?” That same defiant, boastful voice.

But the look he gave you made a shock of desire reverberate through your body. Five wanted to play? Okay, you were going to play a game whit him.

“Why did you…” you leaned forward gently, resting one hand on his hot thigh, leaving your cleavage exposed “don't try guess?”

You realized that he had swallowed hard, even though his posture had remained unwavering. Five looked down at you cleavage, waist, and slightly elevated butt. You approached him a few more inches, your mouth a breath away, the heat of the bodies being shared without even touching.

Five could drive you crazy and screaming, but you knew it could also drive him insanity.

When you leaned over a little more and your mouths were so close to meet, you changed the direction and reached out with your free hand to pick up Five's margarita behind him. You straightened up and away, with a mischievous smile on your lips that revealed that everything had gone as planned.

Five semi closed his eyes at you, a fiery glow going through his eyes.

“Do you want to play with me?”His voice was low, dangerous “You know what happens to you when you challenge me.”

It was a warning, clear and resonant. You were a good girl for Five because you knew the strength that he could fuck you. Fuck, he could break you if he want. But now you were sexually frustrated, aroused, with a racing heart and wheezing from the expectation of something.

A night of bad decisions.

“You don't want to get out of your equations.” You turned your voice into something innocent, soft, provocative, and the strong breath that Five drew was a small victory for you "I guess I'll just get off all by myself."

Your smile was malicious, causticante, but as soon as Five got up from that chair, the perfect posture, much taller than you, and was slowly towards you, like a predator with its prey, you knew you were screwed.

“Do you want to come this much?” His fingers passed gently over your warm neck, and you let out a breath with that stupid touch.

Five moved closer, your chest glued to his, the hot, citrusy breath of alcohol hitting your nose. Something wetted you panties, making you bite the inside of your cheeks to keep from sighing any louder.

“Would you use your little toy thinking about the times that I fucked you so hard that you couldn't walk the next day?”

That was too much for your already sensitive system. Those words went directly to the thread that connected your heart and its pulsating nucleus, causing a burning note to reverberate.

“Five...”the sigh came out, while the memories of Five using your vibrator to push you to the limit, while him fucking you brutally, prowled like a wild beast in your mind.

Five slid the fingers from your neck to your cleavage, brushing the tips of her fingers across the flesh of your breasts. Five stuffed his forefinger into your cleavage and pulled you to him.

You moaned softly, in a purr.

“Such a needy little thing, aren't you?" The whispered floated in your ear, while you put down the margarita at the bar and held your hands in his arms.

You bit your bottom lip, your panties soaked, your heart beating fast in your chest, the atmosphere more wild and fiery.

“You want this?” Five slowly lowered a strap from your blouse, each second speeding up your heart even more.

“Yes...” You sighed “I really want to, please.”

Then Five's touch got rougher and he held your chin firmly, lifting you face to look him in the eye.

“Beg.” It was an order, but your body was sending millions of feelings to you that you were lost for a second "beg!”

“P-please.” You looked at him pleadingly “Fuck me so badly, please.”

His grip got stronger.

“Once again.” Now the other hand slid roughly over your body, squeezing your waist, thigh, ass, anything that Five could mark as his property.

“Please, I'm begging you to eat me.” You really were, your body needed more, and there was no denying it.

So in the blink of an eye, the blue flash swallowed you both up and took you to his room. You were dizzy for a second, you were not used to his tricks. But Five used it as a bonus and stuck his lips to yours, stunning you with the strong taste of alcohol, desire and lust.

You moaned softly, your hands working to free him from his clothes, your lips corresponding to the battle. You managed to strip off his shirt layers and fade his pants, but Five didn't have the same patience as you. He didn't wait to undress you, he tore the thin fabric and opened your bra hungry, in a hurry, as if you were his last meal.

In a second his hot mouth was on your breast, sucking and nibbling at the needy skin aggressively, his fierce hands pulling you out of the other pieces of clothing. Five was not delicate, loving and caring, he conquered, took, owned, his goal was to devour you until his savagery was sated.

“Fi-Five!” You moaned loudly, your naked body now shaking with desire, your heart exploding in your chest.

You would have said something more if Five hadn't pushed you to the bed and made you fall into it. He pulled your legs apart, exposing you completely to him. His eyes burned with a dangerous and brutal fire, and Five slapped down the inside of your thigh. You screamed, arching your back, your hands closing on the sheet.

“Well, since you want to cum so badly…” Five climbed on top of you, his mouth proving the point where he had hit you “why don’t we see how many times I can make you cum right now.”

Suddenly, in the blink of an eye, his mouth was right in the middle of your pulsating core. Eating, sucking, tasting everything you willingly offered to him so much. You moaned, or screamed, your hands tightly squeezing the sheet, digging your nails into the fabric.

Five ate you at an undisturbed pace, as if you were the last meal in the desert, clasping his hands on your waist to keep you immobile, sinking his mouth deeper into you. His tongue opened its yours walls, circled her clitoris and sucked there, leaving a hot trail of spittle. You moaned loudly, your waist trying to fight the firm grip of his hands to roll in him mouth. You felt a thread about to burst inside you and your heart started to race in your chest.

“F-Five!” You screamed when he sucked your clitoris, and he could feel you pulsing in his mouth, signaling that you were close.

“Come for me, little slut.”

The vibration of his voice in your sensitive flesh was the trigger you needed, you came intensely, your legs wobbly, your breathing heavy, but Five didn't wait for you to finish coming before climbing on top of you, lowering his pants and underwear enough and brutally get inside you in a fraction of a second.

You groaned loudly, your hands clasping his bare shoulders, your walls hypersensitive to the end of the orgasm that was still breaking free. It was too much for you, your eyes stung with tears, your heart was racing a marathon in your chest, and your whole body was shaking.

Five doesn't give you a second to get used to it, or to get down from the sensation of your orgasms, he set a rough, hard, badly rhythm, entering inside you in penetrations that pushed your body upwards. You spread your legs wider and wrapped them around Five's waist, your chest glued to his chest, skin-to-skin contact being the extra to drive you crazy.

It was too much for you to take, too much for your hypersensitive body. Five silenced your broken moans with toxic kisses.

“Try to keep quiet. We don’t want to get caught.” His voice was hoarse, breathy, broken, Five drives his dick so deep inside you as possible with every word.

“I...I can't...”You whimpered in his mouth, clasping your hands in Five's hot flesh, sobbing at the strength he put in you, you needed more.

“So let's take care of it.”

Five released an aggressive and rough hickey on your neck, putting an arm around your waist, sticking every inch of their bodies together, and his free hand covered your mouth, drowning out yours screams. You thought it was going to placate his hard rhythm, but Five started pulling your waist down, against his dick, and sinking deeper inside you.

“You wanted me to fuck you, didn't you?” Five snarled, looking into yours watery eyes "Now take it, fuck!."

His dirty words only led you further towards the second abyss. Five fucked you so hard that you couldn't answer, let alone whit the heavy hand on your mouth. Yours hands sank into the skin on his back, yours legs pulling him hips towards you, desperate to placate what was about to burst.

Five could feel yours tight walls throbbing on his dick, signaling that you were going to come any second. He groaned loudly, clenching his teeth on the skin of your neck so as not to make a noise, thrusting his dick as deep as possible into you. He replaced the hand in your mouth with his own lips, swallowing yours moans and trying to keep the sounds of you both low.

“I ... I'm going to...” You cried with pleasure, pain, desire, his rhythm hurt but it gave you so much hunger and pleasure that you could feel the liquid of your arousal soaking his dick.

Five looked at you in a way full of lust and with a very desire to break you. Oh he wanted to destroy you.

He came out of you, making you let out a loud moan of frustration and tears streaming from yours eyes. You whimpered loudly, and Five switched positions and pulled you hard into his lap, giving you no time to straighten up before he pushed his dick into you and aggressively stuck both hands to your waist.

You bit your lip hard to keep from screaming, trembling hands resting on his chest as Five pulled you up and down brutally, thrusting his dick in as deep as possible in you. He did not contain an aggressive groan at the sight of yours breasts jumping on his face, body sweaty and marked by fingers and hickeys, the inside of yours thighs already red by the force that Five shocked the body in you.

“Pl ... please!”

You begged, your face smeared with mascara and tears, your lips red from raw kisses, your hair sweaty. You looked like a goddess and Five wanted even more to destroy you.

“Do you want to come?” His voice was breathless, hoarse, fierce.

You nodded frantically, looking at Five with beg, begging him to let you come. It seemed to have an overwhelming effect on him. Five slapped your ass down, raising his hand to your back and pulling you forward, making your chest lie on his while the rhythm reached new places.

You bit his shoulder to keep from screaming, tears streaming down your face.

“If you come in this position, I will not control myself.” He snarled at you.

“I do not mind!” You begged, moving your waist to match his rhythm.

“Guess i'll just have to cum in you then” Then Five kissed you, hard, bad, dropped a hand to your clitoris and applied the trigger you needed to collapse.

You sank your mouth into the skin of his neck to muffle your scream, and soon a hot, thick liquid was filling you to the brim, taking up every inch inside you. You whimpered loudly against Five, hims hips doing the final thrusts to make sure the cum was filling you, his warm hands loosening the aggressive grip.

You both breathed loudly, your legs were shaking, your hair was stuck to your face and it took you two minutes to lift your face and look at Five. He gave you an arrogant smile of ‘I said I was going to break you and I broke’ and you laughed softly.

“I don't think I can get up.” You laughed, and Five removed a lock of hair from your face. “Do you think they heard us?”

“They certainly heard you.” He scoffed.

“Coming from your room.” You snapped and Five laughed, hims chest still heaving and heaving, covered in a mist of sweat.

“Fuck them.” Five said, gently pulling your hips up, pulling the dick out of you, making you sigh a broken moan. “You are so sensitive!” He said between his teeth, as if he had never been satisfied with you.

You laughed, and shook your head, exposing your neck full of purple tick marks.

“You know…” Five took his index finger to the marks, delicately skirting them “you always look so much better when I mark you up.”

You pushed his shoulder slightly, rolling your eyes.

“Can we take a shower together?” Five nodded at you question. “ and…”

“And?”

“You know ...” yours cheeks became more flushed "Come cuddle."

Five laughed, his eyes tame now, an open smile and satisfied energy.

“We can.” he smiled and you gave him a passionate kiss on the lips.

[goldencherryhazz]

Touch

A/N: I went a little wild with this one, it a little messy but I hope you enjoy. Notes would be much appreciated, pls don’t copy my work! And as you can see I couldn’t think of a title lol.

Warnings: smut, masterbation, degradation, daddy kink, squirting, pure filth!

You know Harry didn’t like it when you played with yourself, the only acceptation he would make was when he was on tour but even then he would get you to FaceTime him so he could watch and guide you so that you would have the best orgasm, he always wanted to control your pleasure and to be fair any appendage of his body was ten times more pleasurable than your own. His fingers were longer and thicker and reached spots you didn’t even know existed, his tongue did wonders and flicked your bud just the right way, his cock was a whole other story you could only describe it as magical and you would never argue against that.

In your defence you knew that Harry recording vocals for his album this week and he was tired from countless late nights at work, he would always be frustrated with himself if he didn’t get a note for a song pitch perfect, and then he would just get mad at himself trying it over and over again but still not happy with it, then Jeff and the team would force him to go home after a while in fear that he would wear his voice out and have to go on vocal rest and the fact that he was probably going to burst from his pent up anger, and when he got back home he would just want to cuddle and go to sleep so you thought you would take care of yourself before he got back.

Once he did get home he had calmed down slightly, driving always seemed to calm him down for some strange reason. He got inside aiming to go straight to bed where he thought you would be, but when he goes past the bathroom he heard a small whimper, he had to do a double take at first but when the same sound comes from you again he was ready to burst through the door but decided to wait a few minutes to let you have your fun, because after this you wouldn’t be cumming for days.

Your moans start to get a little louder through the door and when he hears a loud shout of his name, well the preferred name you always called him when it came to doing anything sexual (‘daddy’) he burst through the door knowing you were probably about to cum, to find you sat on the edge of the bathtub fingers buried deep inside your head thrown back, which slowly lifted up in shock. You hadn’t even heard him come in the house, you thought you would of had plenty of time but you had obviously lost track being so lost in pleasure. The stern look on his face told you that you were in deep shit, so you opt to remove your fingers from your pussy and put both hands in your lap.

‘Well what do we have here baby’ he saunters in coming to stand right over you from your perch on the bathtub, he immediately noticing the pool of your juices on the floor.

‘Harry I didn’t’ you started before he made eye contact, the fury in his eyes was enough to shut you up.

‘First of all it’s daddy to you, and secondly how many times did you cum?’

‘Sorry daddy, I came twice’

‘hmm twice to many baby don’t you think, I see you squirted aswell didn’t you’

‘Yes d-daddy’ his eyes boar into yours and you couldn’t help but feel slightly intimidated.

‘You know daddy doesn’t like it when someone else touches his pretty little peach don’t you’

You nod, ‘my pussy belongs to you daddy, I’m sorry for touching myself’ you say quickly knowing that any excuse you had as to why you were playing with yourself wouldn’t work.

‘Hmm, now that’s what I like to hear’ he couldn’t help but get slightly hard at that but he quickly thinks about something else to not give you the satisfaction.

He averts his eyes to the floor quickly taking in the pool of your clear juices once again, a cynical smirk overtakes his features which instantly made you panic knowing he had something brewing up in that head of his.

He looks back at you ‘I want you to clean up your mess for me’ he says reaching his hand up to your jaw his thumb resting heavy in your bottom lip making it snap back when he released it again, ‘don’t want you to use a towel or anything like that, want you to use that pretty little mouth of yours, do you think you can do that? He asks even though you didn’t really have a choice.

‘Yes daddy’ you comply getting down on you knees still only wearing a t-shirt, hissing as the cold tiles make contact with your bare legs. You lower your head so your nose is just above your juices your hair falling onto the floor which is quickly resolved when Harry crouches down beside your form and grabs it and makes it into a makeshift pony tail at the back of your head before lowering you head down practically pressing you face into the wetness almost a signal to start cleaning up.

You lips start smacking against the tiled floors, the slurping sounded quite disgusting and made the heat rise to your cheeks in embarrassment, but you knew he wouldn’t let you out of the bathroom till you had licked up every last drop.

‘Such a filthy fucking whore aren’t ya, doing anything daddy says’

Your hair being yanked slightly at every word to accentuate his statement as you hum again the floor, not being to come out with a proper respond without it being muffled.

Once Harry sees you are done he pulls your head up by your hair so that you are sat on in your calves, your chin slightly wet, your eyes had this fucked out look in them from being that submissive for him. He kissed you on the lips for the first time since he caught you, dipping his tongue into your mouth to have a taste, the kiss ends just as quick as it started just as you were starting to enjoy having his lips on yours, he runs a finger along your chin collecting the remainder of your juices and then dipping it into his mouth before moving to stand up.

‘C’mon come to bed where you can dream about cumming, cause if you think I’m touching you for the next week you can think again, you’ve been a very bad girl’

Before you even got the chance to get up off the floor he was already walking to the bedroom, he was angry from earlier and you had just added fuel to the fire and he had contained it very well if he said so himself. At the same time he couldn’t keep the small smirk off of his face, cause he was definitely going to have fun with you.

//////

Fast forward 3 days and your clit was throbbing and in desperate need of a release. To make it even worse Harry had had a few days off so the teasing was constant, he walked around the house in little to no clothes, made sure to leave the bathroom door slightly open to make sure you heard his moans when he jerked himself off in the shower almost loud enough that you would hear even from the living room. The way he would spoon you when you were cuddling or in bed, he would shuffle around and press his cock right between your ass cheeks so that you felt him even through layers of clothes.

The sexual deprivation was driving you insane to say the least. You were currently in bed reading a book Harry doing the same, well you were reading that was until you caught the sight of your boyfriend, before he was sat with his legs straight out infront of him but being the fidget-bum his is he had now moved his knees towards his chest and spread them slightly his feet planted on the bed. The fabric of his shorts tightened over the area between his legs, outlining his cock and balls perfectly, his thighs looking deliciously thick, the muscles of his tattooed arm flexed as he flicked through the pages of his book, the shirt he was wearing was practically skin tight making you ogle his figure at the head of the bed, from you spot on your belly further.

You don’t realise your shifting your legs together as you watch him, your panties now getting undeniably wet, trying to relieve some of the ever building pressure, the movement catching Harry’s attention.

‘What are you doing darling’ he looks at you knowingly.

‘Nothing’ stopping the movement of your legs, shying away from his gaze, staring at the words on the page you were currently on but not actually reading them.

‘Staring at me weren’t you, rubbing those soft little legs together’

‘Can’t help it, you look really good sat like that’ she says innocently.

‘What about a the rest of the time, do I not look good then’

‘Course you look good, it’s just- I can see the outline of you cock really good from here, making me soo wet, pretty sure I’ve ruined these panties by now.’

Well to bad baby, shouldn’t have been a bad girl the other day’ he retorts going back to reading planning on ignoring her desperate pleas.

‘Pretty please daddy, will you touch me’ making him huff and look back up at you, getting a little frustrated.

‘Oh it’s daddy now is it, you have your own fingers don’t you baby?’

‘But it’s not the same as when you do it’ she also knew that if she did touch herself again it would only prolong her punishment, but at this moment in time you was close to loosing it with how horny you were.

‘Well that didn’t stop you the other day did it’ he points out.

You whine ‘no baby don’t you get all bratty with me, I could’ve had you over my knee spanking your ass right now, would’ve made you feel it for days, but I bet you would have loved that though, cause you’re such a filthy girl, aren’t you’

‘Answer me, are you a filthy girl?’

‘Yes daddy I am’

‘Good now we have that established I am going to carry on reading, and I suggest you stop speaking before I have you over my knee, is that clear baby girl’

‘Yes daddy’ you say submissively doing as he said.

20 minutes had passed when an idea popped into your head, you had been warned not to talk and you knew the consequences but your mouth was moving before you had time to process it.

‘Daddy can we touch ourselves together, I-I mean like masterbate together’ you explain even though Harry already knew what you meant.

He looked at you in annoyance, but in his head he was absolutely pining at your suggestion. Getting to watch you touch yourself all spread out for him, and him doing the same. The past few days had also been torture for him too, he tried to replicate your touch when the was running his hand up and down his cock in the shower, but it wasn’t even close to the way your soft hands would stroke him, he had to resist pounding into you multiple times from just watching you do daily tasks, yesterday you were bending over the dining-room table to reach the vase of now dead flowers to put a new bunch in, you were wearing leggings so when you bent over he got a perfect view off your ass, he really wanted keep you bent over it as he pounded you into the table, he had to take himself to the small gym he had set up in the basement to calm himself down.

He closed his eyes and let out a angry sigh. He hated how much he was caving right now. He was adamant he wasn’t going to let you cum for the next week but your suggestion was too hard to resist. So if he wasn’t touching you he would still be carrying through with his punishment. Right?

He hadn’t said a single word yet, and you were almost certain he was going to say no, but when he marked the page he was on in his book and threw it down into the bed it brought a flicker of hope within you.

‘C’mere’ he murmured, making you scramble up the bed kneeling between his spread legs.

He cups your cheek ‘you were a bad girl the other night, made daddy upset. Didn’t think I was good enough, that I couldn’t satisfy you’

‘Daddy you always satisfy me, make me cum so fucking hard, no ones ever touched or fucked me the way you do’ you say truthfully.

‘And who do you belong to’

‘You daddy, always been you’ this tips him over the edge his cock hardening making a tent in his shorts.

‘That’s a good girl, now I’m going to let you cum, but on one condition, we don’t touch each other whatsoever, still gotta keep up with your punishment even if you did say all those nice things to daddy’

‘Okay, thankyou daddy’ a wave of relief washes over you, itching to just get on with it now.

‘Strip for me then’ you immediately start shuffling out of your clothes as if he had read your mind.

He does the same, moving to the middle of the headboard so that there would be more room, once you are finally naked and turn your head towards Harry again you gawk at him, he looked soo hot with his legs spread, his pretty cock hard up against his belly, he looked delicious. You catch yourself staring, quickly snapping out of it, moving to sit across from Harry replicating his position only being inches away from his form, your juices had made your pussy nice and slick practically glistening.

‘God you’re so wet haven’t even touched you, shit you’re such a filthy little slut’ he groaned, desperately wanting to reach out and run his fingers through your folds to get a taste.

‘Open’ he instructs quickly placing his fingers onto your mouth.

You were about to say something about the no touching rule but decide against it cause in reality he was going to do whatever he wanted anyway. So you let his fingers enter your mouth and happily suck on them, humming as you do. Just as quickly as he put them in he retracted his hand and brought it down to his throbbing cock, spreading the wetness from your mouth up and down his length.

‘What now daddy’ you ask knowing that if you did anything he didn’t want you to do he would probably stop all of this immediately, so you decide to teed carefully.

‘Touch those pretty tits for me’ he says going straight to tugging his leaky cock. So you bring your fingers down to your nipples, the coldness of them making you hiss when the come into contact instantly hardening them, you slowly begin to tweak the nubs between you thumb and index finger.

‘That’s it, just like how daddy does it except he’d have his mouth on you tits sucking and biting them marking you up just the way you like’ he says knowing this was getting you even more riled up.

After a couple of minutes he stops you ‘now I want you to tease that sweet cunt of yours, don’t you dare put a finger in your tight little hole until I say, is that’s clear’

‘Yes daddy’ you say making eye contact with him as you start to touch your clit.

The sight could have made him cum right there and then, his beautiful girl touching her perfect pussy like daddy had told her to, it got him impossibly harder as he was now moving his hand up and down faster, circling the sensitive head every once in a while.

Moan after moan was pouring out of your mouth, rubbing deep circle into your clit, the sight of your boyfriend getting himself off at the same time was incredibly hot.

‘You can dip those finger into your sweet pussy of yours now baby, doing so good for me’ he was desperate to see your face morph into one of pleasure.

You moan again at his words instantly slipping two finger inside of you, not having to be told twice. You bury them to the hilt curling them up, hitting your g-spot, the sensation making you bite your lip to suppress you moans but it was no use as one escaped you and your eyes roll back. You start building a rhythm which was subconsciously at the same time as Harry ran his hand up and down his length.

‘Go faster sweet girl, just like daddy does’ you whimpered already getting close to falling over the edge, you feverishly grasped the sheets trying to keep you body up.

‘Nobody does it like you though daddy’ you were never able to replicate the actions of his fingers and the way they worked at your cunt.

Harry groans and moans had increased as he got closer and closer ‘shit I’m gonna cum’ he says his cock twitching, a long purple vein bulging as his hand now stroking himself faster then before, you really wanted to lick up the underside of his length you practically drooled at the thought.

‘Can I please cum with you daddy’

‘No baby, daddy’s gonna cum first. Wanna cum on that pussy of yours, seeing as I can’t cum inside you. C-can you spread you folds for me, can you do that for me’ he slurred out inching closer to you.

You do as he says removing your fingers then spreading you folds for him ‘want you to cum on my pussy daddy, want it soo bad’ he reaches his spare hand to fondle his balls and with a few more pumps, that mixed with your words he was done for ‘shiiit I’m cumming’ he shouts rope after rope landing on you cunt and thighs, the sensation of his warm cum on your pussy making you feel all fuzzy and bringing you to the brink once again.

His legs start to shake from the oversensitivity, his hand slowly riding out the waves of his orgasm, eyes clamped shut, his mouth still hung open soft moans tumbling out of it. ‘You good daddy’ you ask as he finally opens his eyes again.

‘Hmmm, made me cum soo hard, such a filthy little thing, look at you pretty pussy covered in my cum, looks soo good baby’ he swipes some sweaty curls that he’d fallen onto his forehead.

‘Can I have a taste daddy’

Course baby, as long as I get one aswell’

You quickly bring your fingers and collect the mixture of you twos juices, bringing them to you mouth, humming at the taste that now laid heavy on your tongue, you replicate the action again but this time bring your fingers to Harry’s awaiting mouth, he took your finger in sucking in them greedily, his soft moans making shiver run up your spine.

‘Can I cum now daddy, please daddy’ you whimpered.

‘Been such a good girl for daddy, been waiting for soo long, bet your poor little cunts aching by now. Make yourself cum for me baby’

You instantly plunge your finger into your hole, Harry’s cum making you even slicker but sticky all at the same time, the area between your legs must have looked a mess, but Harry thought it was the most hottest and beautiful things he had seen, his cock getting excited again but he would deal with that in a bit.

You fingers move inside of you at a quick pace, even adding a third the sting of the stretch morphing into pleasure. ‘Tell you what baby, if you squirt for me we can cockwarm later, promise I won’t make you clean up the mess like I made you do the other day’

You whimper, how could you deny that it was impossible in fact, the last part would have made you laugh but you were too caught up in pleasure ‘okay daddy, I’ll s-squirt for you’

Your fingers were now going frantically fast, and when you feel like a balloon was forming in you lower belly you cried out in relief ‘found the spot haven’t you, gonna soak the sheets, gonna soak me angel’ he moaned. You were seconds away from your sweet release when you threw your head back breaking eye contact with Harry which he didn’t like one bit ‘look at me baby, wanna watch you fall apart, gonna cum for me, cum for daddy’ and with that you couldn’t hold it anymore your orgasm collapsing on top of you, the balloon inside you also bursting resulting in you squirting over the sheets and part of Harry’s lower half ‘thankyou daddy, thankyou, thankyou, thankyou’ was all you managed to get out, Harry swore he could have cum at the sight of you, fingers still slowly moving in and out of you pulsating cunt, trying to come down from your high. You looked utterly fucked out and it boosted his ego knowing that the majority of you pleasure was coming from him and he hadn’t even touched you. You eventually collapse flat in the bed not being able to hold yourself up any longer, still out of breath like you had tuna marathon.

‘Fuck you’re soo hot baby, came soo hard and squirted like daddy told you, now you get to have my cock in your tight little cunt later cause you’ve been such a good girl for daddy’ you moan at that.

‘Mhhh love being your good girl, don’t know if I like being your bad girl more though’

‘Let’s stick to being good shall we, don’t think I can handle not being able to be inside you and it’s only been 3 days, think I would shrivel up if I have to do it again.’ He chuckled making you laugh tiredly. Soon you feel him crawl up between your legs before leaning over you until you two were face to face. ‘Kissy’ he asks puckering his lips making you smile wildly, leaning up to kiss his plump lips, the both of you feeling as if you were on cloud 9 now indulging in one another as their lips pressed, and tongues danced with each other.

Maybe all that torture wasn’t soo bad after all.

[astrolovecosmos]

Neptune: Deep Dive

Pink petals

fallen onto

night shaded

waters.

Nothing is ever as it seems.

Wood turned to metal.

Reality turned to dreams.

-Natasha Reeves 

The planet Neptune I think is most famous for two things - illusions and dreamy or ethereal associations. A lot of negativity is also commonly associated such as addiction, insanity, guilt, sorrow, denial, and doubt. This planet is complex and just like all the other planets has a huge array of associations. What prompted me to do a deep dive in Neptune? Well for one I’ve been going through the transit of Neptune in Pisces crossing over my IC which has been powerful and I am at the end of my progressed Moon in the 12th House. Also in my own chart I’ve been paying more attention to my natal Neptune placements... which are a lot more prominent and worthy of my attention than I’ve understood and noticed in the past. Honestly I spend a lot more time analyzing others’ charts vs. my own, and I really should have looked more closely at some of my own aspects. I have had a LOT of experience with Pisces influences throughout my life, intense ones. I want to make it clear that Pisces DOES NOT = Neptune. I’ve always wanted to write a whole essay about my experience as a Pisces friend, lover, family member, enemy, etc. An outsiders opinion but that isn’t this. This is a disclaimer because this is going to be both theory and my own experiences. This is a deep dive. 

The Sea’s Love and Wrath 

Neptune in a lot of mainstream media is described as gentle but this planet can be unpredictable and harsh, with erratic energy that could rival Uranus. Neptune can be about tolerance and kindness, seeing past the ego and material. Neptune can embody or promote unconditional love and forgiveness. Because Neptune can be about dissolving and merging this planet allows us to see ourselves in others, maybe even in everyone allowing for compassion, empathy, and the ability to love very freely and openly. But the illusion and deception of Neptune is its shadow. 

Romanticizing and idealizing can be one of Neptune’s downfalls. Many times this is described as putting other’s on a pedestal but this can be applied to any area of life from work to places to ideals. From this those with strong Neptune aspects or prominent placements can find that disappointment is a frequent visitor. Neptune square, opposite, or conjunct Venus can quickly fall for others, trust others, and gravitates towards those they want to help or who have a strong personality they can meld with. Neptune opposite or square Mercury may face the frustration and disappointment of frequently being misunderstood or finding that they easily misread others or trust their words. After feeling tricked there can be wrath to these oceanic bodies. 

Where will their vengeance or anger land? It isn’t fair if they idolize you to get mad at you... sometimes their anger is self-loathing and self-destructive, other times they take you down with them. But the lesson is that Neptune can be as soft and as dangerous as the sea. 

Enlightenment and Madness

Coming down from the high, was getting lost in Neptune’s blue. Dreams and visions dancing in the back of my mind, when reality is so hard to chew. Sensation used to distract and pieces of stories stitched together to where nothing is fact.- Natasha Reeves 

There are many influences that can grant us wisdom or enlightenment throughout astrology, but I don’t see too many writings or posts about Neptune and its connection to enlightenment, nirvana, or eurekas and on the flipside also insanity and denial. Neptune can pull away the fog to give us clarity - especially when looking at the whole of things, the big picture. Neptune can famously also be the fog. 

The transit of Neptune crossing over my IC/4th House brought a lot of light to my childhood and how I was raised. However my IC is in Pisces, while Pisces isn’t the same as the planet, and many astrologers believe Neptune is not the ruling planet of Pisces - it is a sign known for illusions, confusion, and vagueness much like Neptune. I came from a place of a lot of secretiveness and vagueness, but when the “planet of illusions” crossed over I found myself accepting the instability and moments I felt lost or clueless in my life as well as looking back with remembering and understanding. 

Neptune can represent the part of us that is hard to grasp and understand, it also faces us with the idea that it is okay to have unanswered questions, to not have closure, that many times we have to create that closure or solidity ourselves. Neptune much like Jupiter is a matter of faith whether in ourselves or a higher power. 

It should be noted Neptune doesn’t always mean outside sources. Neptune is an introverted, intimate actor. It can represent how we lie to ourselves, trick ourselves, or how we push responsibility off of ourselves. Neptune also allows us to see, understand, more importantly feel what we easily ignore or can’t see. 

Life’s Extremes - Our Extremes 

“Neptune moves between the greatest extremes: from the highest spiritual awareness through imagination, fantasy, and illusion, to the depths of deceptions and disillusionment. The planet of mysticism, glamour, and enchantment, Neptune exerts a hypotonic fascination.” - Judy Hall. 

When many think of extremes they probably think Pluto before Neptune. The blue sphere isn’t going to take away the icy orb’s reputation - Pluto holds tightly in terms of extremes, but Neptune is far from a level-headed, consistent influence. Let’s touch on fantasy and illusion - two things that tends to warn of foolishness or impracticality, but fantasy is part of everyone’s life, no matter how pragmatic or mature an individual claims to be. From coping to manifesting to understanding to enjoying, fantasy is a natural human thing. Think of how often you daydream in an hour, how many books, movies, and games you indulge in, how often you find yourself being tempted by gossip, and how often you find yourself painting a picture of another in your head - negative or positive. 

Neptune symbolizes the abstract, importance, and rawness of our fantasies. Individuals with prominent Neptune aspects can find themselves easily tapping into their imagination, falling into escapism frequently, or have a great use for their wild ideas. If you think of the subject of fantasies or illusion as an extreme - it makes sense. You aren’t going to get an interesting story without the gods and monsters. Our sleeping dreams often are filled with strangeness or strong emotions. Clarity to madness, hopeless romantic highs to deeply wounded sorrows, and dissolving/surrendering to becoming whole/complete are common extremes this planet centers around. 

I have Mercury Square Neptune which tends to make one doubtful of their own opinions and intellect, can increase misunderstandings, and make communication difficult for the individual. Mercury Square Neptune can make someone highly persuasive and deceptive but it can also make one easily confused, tricked, and manipulated by others. Rationality and intuition can conflict. One experience I have with this aspect is usually swinging from extremes to being very withdrawn and quiet to interrupting others, chatting away. I’ve been described by those in my life as always saying something they didn’t expect - few words but impactful or strange ones. This is an example of the more everyday way Neptune can present itself.

“Neptune-attuned people possess glamour in the old sense of the word: the ability to bewitch. They are also impossible to categorize or pin down, demonstrating the planet’s elusive quality. Lacking strong boundaries, Neptune-attuned people are susceptible to outside influences.” - Judy Hall. It is from these lack of boundaries and fluidness we see Neptune’s extremeness. Neptune aspects can have us take on the traits of others and there is intensity in that. Let’s say we are talking about a Neptune to Mercury aspect, here may be someone who is easily energized or put down by the mood of another. Neptune to Mars can create a volatile person who fights, guards, and pursues based on their inner circle. 

Alice: Imagination and Dreams 

Personally I tend to associate Alice in Wonderland with Gemini themes. But I’ve seen her used as a metaphor for many placements and influences, such as Scorpio and Pluto. Neptune’s lostness certainly relates to the character and story. Neptune can be the planet of dreams. Challenging aspects to Saturn indicates someone who struggles to get in touch with reality while easy aspects to Saturn indicates someone who can marry big dreams or imagination to practicality. 

Neptune to Moon aspects can indicate powerful dreaming - almost intuitive or helpful in processing stress or trauma. So does Neptune in the 12th, 4th, 8th, and possibly 9th. Neptune in the 2nd can mean imagination or even dreams themselves act as a resource, maybe this is through inspiration or increasing one’s belief or confidence. Neptune in the 3rd may find themselves always remembering their dreams and keeping a journal. Neptune in the 5th blessed with all of the fun dreams of flying or dreaming of a favorite fictional character. Neptune in the 6th or 10th may find strikes of inspiration, knowledge, problem solving, or important foresight in their sleep. Neptune in the 11th may find comfort or realize important information about self and/or society in their dreams. 

Neptune is a newer planet, many times called the visionary, healer, or spiritual link or messenger. Traditional astrologers can approach the planet with a lot of skepticism. Its exaltation is in creative Leo, detriment in practical Virgo, and fall in usually praised as “visionary” Aquarius. Neptune is still new enough to be a hot topic of debate. You will find many astrologers don’t even agree on the planet’s exaltation, fall, and detriment. Leo is considered one of the most creative sign and on the topic of imagination and dreams Neptune can feel amazing in this sign. It feels confident and shinning in its ideas, fantasies, and magic. Elusive and ever-changing Neptune doesn’t feel comfortable in stable and structured Virgo. But Aquarius is an unexpected challenge for Neptune. Aquarius is about collective action - unity that Neptune also is familiar with. But Aquarius is a cold sign and despite its unconventional side can be highly practical and may dislike unrealistic ideas or approaches. Saturn is Aquarius’s co-ruler after all. Neptune wants oneness as in intimacy, not oneness in action or rebellion like Aquarius. Neptune is the magical moonlit spring to heal all your wounds, especially the emotional and spiritual kind. Aquarius is the soul forge in Asgard from Thor: The Dark World or the hypospray in Star Trek. Aquarius is modern medicine most of the time and when Neptune is dressed in Aquarius’s colors at its best it is advanced medicine we don’t understand yet but are working towards. Neptune in Aquarius can be a genius, but it is about ambitious realism to help others, Neptune at its heart is about helping the individual on the most personal level. Aquarius is random strikes of lightning coming from an active mind while Neptune flows from one spot to another, always connected and coming from an original primal, emotional place. Aquarius is the future, Neptune is outside of time. Aquarius is intellect and Neptune emotions and intuition. Aquarius is rebellion, riot, revolution, Neptune is peace or death and rebirth - Aquarius is the noise and Neptune the silence. 

Some believe Neptune’s fall is in Capricorn, which the struggles exist with Capricorn’s strictness and clinging to reality and control. Neptune in Leo is Alice looking regal like a queen or warrior going to fight the jabberwock, Neptune in Virgo can get dark, feeling uncomfortable and maybe in pain, but still important and empowering. Alice in Aquarius or Capricorn is likely a totally new story, adult Alice putting away the tea parties and white rabbits for a lab coat or pantsuit. 

What about Healing and the Spiritual? 

Let’s get to what Neptune may be most known for. That otherworldly connection, the power of love, transcendence. Neptune is dramatic and it is soothing. Neptune embraces all aspects of the human experience so we can focus more on the soul. Neptune is all about healing and how healing can come in a million ways. It can be fast and hard or slow and revealing. It is painful and messy, it goes in cycles, loops, falls and rises. 

Neptune whether the aspects are easy or challenging, whether in a house focused on the self or others, it gives everyone ways to heal and to connect. As an outer planet it gives a lot of insight into generations but in the unique placement of one’s chart it touches us with humanity. 

Pretty speeches, enchanting metaphors, crazy nights, and charming lovers lead us to our doom and a raw poem, crying ourselves to sleep, old medicine, late night graveyard walks, and maybe a rebound help us pick up the pieces. Neptune many times shows us that the unexpected is what tears us down and what lifts us back up. It teaches us nothing is inherently bad like substances, manipulation, honesty, authority, it is how it is used. Neptune shows us that you are the hero to some and the villain to others. 

Regret, shame, guilt, feeling trapped, isolation, addiction, grief, and sorrow are closely linked to Neptune. I believe many times this is due to the healing process or spiritual associations of the planet. These emotions are heavy and life-changing but they are emotions that many times need to be faced with a lot of bravery and work. They are feelings that also help us come to realizations. Neptune is associated with rebirth and if you examine emotions like regret or shame, sometimes rebirth is the only way you can shed those feelings. Neptune’s fluid nature also allows us acceptance, which is needed to deal with such heavy emotions. 

While we always talk about the lack of boundaries as a dangerous or bad thing... and it can be, these lack of boundaries like I mentioned above can allow for a very giving love and empathy, it also allows us to feel or interact with a higher power, magic, and the spiritual. Whatever your beat is - religion, magic, or the belief we are just star stuff, Neptune symbolizes our relationship with it. 

[littlemixnet]

To me, a good ally is someone who is consistent in their efforts – there’s a difference between popping on a pride playlist or sprinkling yourself in rainbow glitter once a year and actually defending LGBT+ people against discrimination. It means showing my LGBT+ fans that I support them wholeheartedly and am making a conscious effort to educate myself, raise awareness and show up whenever they need me to. It would be wrong of me to benefit from the community as a musician without actually standing up and doing what I can to support. As someone in the public eye, it’s important to make sure your efforts are not performative or opportunistic. I’m always working on my allyship and am very much aware that I’ve still got a lot of unlearning and learning to do. There are too many what I call ‘dormant allies’, believing in equality but not really doing more than liking or reposting your LGBT+ mate’s content now and again. Imagine if that friend then saw you at the next march, or signing your name on the next petition fighting for their rights? Being an ally is also about making a conscious effort to use the right language and pronouns, and I recently read a book by Glennon Doyle who spoke of her annoyance and disappointment of those who come out and are met with ‘We love you…no matter what’. I’d never thought of that expression like that before and it really struck a chord with me. ‘No matter what’ suggests you are flawed. Being LGBT+ is not a flaw. Altering your language and being conscious of creating a more comfortable environment for your LGBT+ family and friends is a good start. Nobody is expecting you to suddenly know it all, I don’t think there’s such a thing as a perfect ally. I’m still very much learning. Even recently, after our Confetti music video I was confronted with the fact that although we made sure our video was incredibly inclusive, we hadn’t brought in any actual drag kings. Some were frustrated, and they had every right to be. You can have the right intentions and still fall short. As an open ally I should have thought about that, and I hadn’t, and for that I apologise. Since then I’ve been doing more research on drag king culture, because it’s definitely something I didn’t know enough about, whether that was because it isn’t as mainstream yet mixed with my own ignorance. But the point is we mess up, we apologise, we learn from it and we move forward with that knowledge. Don’t let the fear of f**king up scare you off. And make sure you are speaking alongside the community, not for the community. Growing up in a small Northern working-class town, some views were, and probably still are, quite ‘old fashioned’ and small-minded. I witnessed homophobia at an early age. It was a common thought particularly among men that it was wrong to be anything but heterosexual. I knew very early on I didn’t agree with this, but wasn’t educated or aware enough on how to combat it. I did a lot of performing arts growing up and within that space I had many LGBT+ (mainly gay) friends. I’ve been a beard many a time let me tell you! But it was infuriating to see friends not feel like they could truly be themselves. When I moved to London I felt incredibly lonely and like I didn’t fit in. It was my gay friends (mainly my friend and hairstylist, Aaron Carlo) who took me under their wing and into their world. Walking into those gay bars or events like Sink The Pink, it was probably the first time I felt like I was in a space where everyone in that room was celebrated exactly as they are. It was like walking into a magical wonderland. I got it. I clicked with everyone. My whole life I struggled with identity – being mixed race for me meant not feeling white enough, or black enough, or Arab enough. I was a ‘tomboy’ and very nerdy. I suppose on a personal level that maybe played a part in why I felt such a connection or understanding of why those spaces for the LGBT+ community are so important. One of the most obvious examples of first realising Little Mix was having an effect in the community was that I couldn’t enter a gay bar without hearing a Little Mix song and watching numerous people break out into full choreo from our videos! I spent the first few years of our career seeing this unfold and knowing the LGBT+ fan base were there, but it wasn’t until I got my own Instagram or started properly going through Twitter DMs that I realised a lot of our LGBT+ fans were reaching out to us on a daily basis saying how much our music meant to them. I received a message from a boy in the Middle East who hadn’t come out because in his country homosexuality is illegal. His partner tragically took their own life and he said our music not only helped him get through it, but gave him the courage to start a new life somewhere else where he could be out and proud. There are countless other stories like theirs, which kind of kickstarted me into being a better ally. Another standout moment would be when we performed in Dubai in 2019. We were told numerous times to ‘abide by the rules’, which meant not promoting anything LGBT+ or too female-empowering (cut to us serving a four-part harmony to Salute). In my mind, we either didn’t go or we’d go and make a point. When Secret Love Song came on, we performed it with the LGBT+ flag taking up the whole screen behind us. The crowd went wild, I could see fans crying and singing along in the audience and when we returned it was everywhere in the press. I saw so many positive tweets and messages from the community. It made laying in our hotel rooms s**tting ourselves that we’d get arrested that night more than worth it. It was through our fans and through my friends I realised I need to be doing more in my allyship. One of the first steps in this was meeting with the team at Stonewall to help with my ally education and discussing how I could be using my platform to help them and in turn the community. Right now, and during lockdown, I’d say my ally journey has been a lot of reading on LGBT+ history, donating to the right charities and raising awareness on current issues such as the conversion therapy ban and the fight for equality of trans lives. Stonewall is facing media attacks for its trans-inclusive strategies and there is an alarming amount of seemingly increasing transphobia in the UK today and we need to be doing more to stand with the trans community. Still, there is definitely a pressure I feel as someone in the public eye to constantly be saying and doing the right things, especially with cancel culture becoming more popular. I s**t myself before most interviews now, on edge that the interviewer might be waiting for me to ‘slip up’ or I might say something that can be misconstrued. Sometimes what can be well understood talking to a journalist or a friend doesn’t always translate as well written down, which has definitely happened to me before. There’ve been moments where I’ve (though well intentioned) said the wrong thing and had an army of Twitter warriors come at me. Don’t get me wrong, there are obviously more serious levels of f**king up that are worthy of a cancelling. But it was quite daunting to me to think that all of my previous allyship could be forgotten for not getting something right once. When that’s happened to me before I’ve scared myself into thinking I should STFU and not say anything, but I have to remember that I am human, I’m going to f**k up now and again and as long as I’m continuing to educate myself to do better next time then that’s OK. I’m never going to stop being an ally so I need to accept that there’ll be trickier moments along the way. I think that might be how some people may feel, like they’re scared to speak up as an ally in case they say the wrong thing and face backlash. Just apologise to the people who need to be apologised to, and show that you’re doing what you can to do better and continue the good fight. Don’t burden the community with your guilt. When it comes to the music industry, I’m definitely seeing a lot more LGBT+ artists come through and thrive, which is amazing. Labels, managements, distributors and so forth need to make sure they’re not just benefiting from LGBT+ artists but show they’re doing more to actually stand with them and create environments where those artists and their fans feel safe. A lot of feedback I see from the community when coming to our shows is that they’re in a space where they feel completely free and accepted, which I love. I get offered so many opportunities to do with LGBT+ based shows or deals and while it’s obviously flattering, I turn most of them down and suggest they give the gig to someone more worthy of that role. But really, I shouldn’t have to say that in the first place. The fee for any job I do take that feels right for me but has come in as part of the community goes to LGBT+ charities. That’s not me blowing smoke up my own arse, I just think the more of us and big companies that do that, the better. We need more artists, more visibility, more LGBT+ mainstream shows, more shows on LGBT+ history and more artists standing up as allies. We have huge platforms and such an influence on our fans – show them you’re standing by them. I’ve seen insanely talented LGBT+ artist friends in the industry who are only recently getting the credit they deserve. It’s amazing but it’s telling that it takes so long. It’s almost expected that it will be a tougher ride. We also need more understanding and action on the intersectionality between being LGBT+ and BAME. Racism exists in and out of the community and it would be great to see more and more companies in the industry doing more to combat that. The more we see these shows like Drag Race on our screens, the more we can celebrate difference. Ever since I was a little girl, my family would go to Benidorm and we’d watch these glamorous, hilarious Queens onstage; I was hooked. I grew up listening to and loving the big divas – Diana Ross (my fave), Cher, Shirley Bassey, and all the queens would emulate them. I was amazed at their big wigs, glittery overdrawn make-up and fabulous outfits. They were like big dolls. Most importantly, they were unapologetically whoever the f**k they wanted to be. As a shy girl who didn’t really understand why the world was telling me all the things I should be, I almost envied the queens but more than anything I adored them. Drag truly is an art form, and how incredible that every queen is different; there are so many different styles of drag and to me they symbolise courage and freedom of expression. Everything you envisioned your imaginary best friend to be, but it’s always been you. There’s a reason why the younger generation are loving shows like Drag Race. These kids can watch this show and not only be thoroughly entertained, but be inspired by these incredible people who are unapologetically themselves, sharing their touching stories and who create their own support systems and drag families around them. Now and again I think of when I’d see those Queens in Benidorm, and at the end they’d always sing I Am What I Am as they removed their wigs and smudged their make up off, and all the dads would be up on their feet cheering for them, some emotional, like they were proud. But that love would stop when they’d go back home, back to their conditioned life where toxic heteronormative behaviour is the status quo. Maybe if those same men saw drag culture on their screens they’d be more open to it becoming a part of their everyday life. I’ll never forget marching with Stonewall at Manchester Pride. I joined them as part of their young campaigners programme, and beforehand we sat and talked about allyship and all the young people there asked me questions while sharing some of their stories. We then began the march and I can’t explain the feeling and emotion watching these young people with so much passion, chanting and being cheered by the people they passed. All of these kids had their own personal struggles and stories but in this environment, they felt safe and completely proud to just be them. I knew the history of Pride and why we were marching, but it was something else seeing what Pride really means first hand. My advice for those who want to use their voice but aren’t sure how is, just do it hun. It’s really not a difficult task to stand up for communities that need you. Change can happen quicker with allyship.

Jade Thirlwall on the power, and pressures, of being an LGBT ally: ‘I’m gonna f**k up now and again’

[amyscascadingtabs]

this is sappy but whatever. i wrote most of this before the season started (which is why i come off as reasonable and somewhat mentally stable about all of this) but felt appropriate to post it now as a thank you. ❤️

i have vivid memories from the night b99 was cancelled. the news came late evening my time, and i had been editing fic and checked twitter and there it was. loud and clear. i don’t remember which site it was but the picture was jake and amy with their wedding cake and that made everything feel even worse.

i remember freaking out even though i had been prepared, because those last days before the news hit on tumblr were... panicked. but i still freaked out to the extent that i ran outside in my pajama pants and hoodie and blue plastic slippers and called my mom, and then i walked up and down the streets where i lived in the darkness and cried in frustration as she tried to talk me down. i remember there were random guys with motorcycles out? but i was too hysterical to care. i’m pretty sure i screamed something to my mom about ”HOW CAN BIG BANG THEORY GET A BILLION SEASONS BUT THIS SHOW GETS CANCELLED????”

i know everyone who was in the fandom at the time has their cancellation story. what played the biggest part in mine was the fact that i felt like i hadn’t had enough time. really, i had only just become active in the fandom, only just started interacting with people on here and writing my first few fics, but i was absolutely loving it. it was giving me happiness again after a long period of emptiness and depressive feelings. when it was cancelled, what made me feel the worst was the fact that i’d had so little time – to make friends, write fic and react to episodes together. i felt deeply jealous of everyone who’d gotten more.

thinking about it coming to an end now has made me remember that night and those feelings of jealousy. because i did get more time. i got three more years. that night, i remember asking for just one, for a half, for anything, and i got three years.

and these three years have been a whirlwind of emotions and feelings and episodes and debates and discussions and gifsets and fanfic and asks and having this as my safe space while pretty much everything changed around me in the outside world, and i just want you all to know that i have never taken a single day of them for granted. this show could have been taken from me before i’d ever gotten the chance to grow with it and alongside it, and instead it was part of my life for three whole years.

i have a really, really good memory (four time quiz champion anyone? just me?okay <3), and i remember so much of it in such detail, and it's so weird to think about how long it's been when it also feels like yesterday.

i remember my first comment on peraltiago parenting experience, my first episode-related fic, the insane high after the renewal, staying up all night to watch the wedding live. i remember writing fanfiction on the beach while on vacation in greece, on a plane to berlin, at home on my parents balcony late late at night. i remember the honeymoon episode title being released, s6 starting filming again, the excitement over every little piece of news and finding about the cast directing. i remember labor fic and christmas fics and when i scroll back to pictures of my paris trip in january 2019 it's interspersed with a billion pictures of andy at the golden globes. i remember lighting my fairy lights in my little basement room and watching season 6 in bed at 2.30 am if it was a big episode, and watching it in the morning before fridays in high school most days. i remember writing post-ep fics during classes and on my phone on subways and trains. i remember the s7 news, and the casecation nerves and debates, and fucking kissgate. being named "the class amy santiago" by my friends when we graduated and getting a little silver paper plate to show for it. i remember the first fic exchange and inventing julian and simon santiago and i remember meeting @johnny-and-dora and eating wagamamas in manchester and talking about how simon santiago was DEFINITELY on the stairs and buying a little fake plant that i named andy plantberg (he's still in a box somewhere). i remember writing fic during slow hours in the ice cream shop i worked at. moving and putting up my framed b99 poster in my own apartment (very much still up). finding out about trying and everyone going fucking crazy. infertility fic. melissa's pregnancy news. s7 promo and standing outside my job the very first day and texting siân "AMY HAS TO PEE!!!!!???" because that was in the promo and we knew there were pregnancy tests involved in the first episode. the crazy happiness of s7 finally premiering. everyone going crazy about jake and amy deciding to start trying and how i could quote the scene verbatim the next few days. the week leading up to trying, what turned out to be the last normal week before the pandemic. the fucking MESS i was after that. the following week and ding dong and crying with happiness. being dizzy with hyperfixation joy the following day and barely feeling aware of the covid pandemic for the first few days because i was just thinking about jake and amy having a baby. getting through the first few weeks mostly because of b99. admiral peralta and finding out we were having a BOY and not even being disappointed even though the headcanon had been the opposite for years because it was perfect. the iconic b99 quizzes. lights out and mac being born. somehow managing 475 days before season 8, coping together when we got the news about the final season, watching the cast do their final day of filming. the first stream being interrupted by a storm warning and cutting out several minutes because of course. getting to see parents peraltiago and MAC and the insane speed with which those few seconds were giffed. more b99 quizzes. the vow renewal. the finale.

i remember all of it and so much more and as much as my heart is breaking, i’m trying to remind myself that i could have gotten none of this.

brooklyn nine-nine has been such an important part of my life. and it always, always will be, forever. i could have lost it all that night, and instead i got three more years. if i'd known that when i was walking the streets outside my house in the darkness in complete panic, i would have cried with happiness.

so thank you. all of you. for everything. ❤️❤️❤️ for the friendships, the joy, the asks, the debates, the fic response, EVERYTHING. whether we've shared three years or one or less, just know that i'm so grateful.

have some random pictures i found and screenshots from my private instagram (which is inactive so don't bother) from when i started this hyperfixation. jesus lmao 😭😭😭😭 i am less insane now. no i'm not. but i express it less on instagram.

[bitchineering]

Lets go! Day 1: Let’s learn HOW the frick to study

So this I think is the most important thing to do and really it is insane that in the United States (which is where I am from by the way) students have no idea on how to freaking study. Honestly all of this gets me incredibly frustrated because with the internet we have the ability to share information and I’ll tell you that I am one of those people who have scavenged the internet and picked apart what I could find. Here’s another big problem: not everything someone does will work for you. 

Also just the spread of dumb study information is pretty terrible. If I do counter anything I will leave a paper or my citation just because I believe in putting down sources and showing others how to research and why citing is freakin important. 

Let’s get started: I’m going to summarize everything that will be in here for a second

1. Find your method of studying, find out everything. AND I MEAN EVERYTHING. You need to write down how you study (the different types of study people) but also the classes because people study sciences different than humanities. 

2. Find out your most productive state. If this means it is you at 2 am in a suit and jacket than that means you need to leave procrastination station and be studying during that time. Now I am not totally okay with people studying in a suit for one it is uncomfortable, I think a jeans and a clean tshirt is just as good. If you can be productive in sweatpants or pjs then go for it. I know I am not and it doesn’t work when I dress for relaxation.

Okay, I’ll be going into more in depth of mainly the first one but a bit of the second.

To start off the bat, if you have time watch this lecture https://youtu.be/IlU-zDU6aQ0 by Marty Lobdell. You have probably heard the saying before and one thing that makes me so frustrated within the study community is that others use this statment without giving any real examples. I feel like Lobdell does this as well as he doesn’t describe note taking and I do believe before putting down a material, you have to take notes. (All he mentions is handwriting notes and I do believe in that. You cannot really type notes and expect to learn the material). 

Another source I would suggest is the Vark Quiz (https://vark-learn.com/the-vark-questionnaire/) Learn what type you are (I’m a Kinesthetic!) and read what they give you. I’m not going to say you will perfectly match with your description but if you are starting from ground zero, this is an amazing place to see what might work for you instead of you having to come up with different technques on your own. 

I get so annoyed when people use the pomodoro method as a way to study. It is not a way to study. It is a way to schedule your study time. Also, I don’t think you can do much in 25 minutes or maybe it is just me. Usually I work for an hour or 50 minutes and then take a ten minute break. All you need to do is find out what works for you. 

Okay let’s get into classes, first there is an amazing youtuber named Nathan Wu who made this video (https://youtu.be/pdAt8JhBnMU and there is a part 2 but I’ll let you guys find it). He is a very good study youtuber that I do like to watch sometimes and I do appriciate that he is spreading correct information. I can give you guys an example of what worked for me in some of my classes (I also just wanna say I won’t be putting my grades on here nor anything really. I don’t feel comfortable being compared to others because I already have to deal with it at my own institution and peers. Please don’t compare yourself to others).

Chemistry (Wu also does include this subject in his video):

- Write notes and explanations for the love of god. Like please just write notes. 

- Also apply those notes. If you are confused in one area ask someone for help whether that be your teacher or someone else. 

-I would say to use flashcards, but I’m honestly a big quizlet user (I haven’t used Anki I’m a little weird and I get so annoyed when I use something that is popular. I sadly give off the “i’m not like other girls vibe”). When I use quizlet every time I get an answer wrong I write down the definition. I can explain this more because you can do this with notecards as well and probably Anki but I like the mobility of quizlet. 

-Labs... I do like doing some labs. I miss my older ones from Honors Chemistry, I barely do good labs in AP Chemistry, but at the same time you have to do them. This could be for any science class because knowing how to apply your information is the best way to test your knowledge that isn’t practice questions (If you need labs look up a virtual simulation. While it isn’t the same thing they are usually free and if not you can find some on youtube).

- Practice problems (this more or less goes with your grading point instead of studying. While I do believe the overall goal in studying is that you understand and can apply the topic tests are so different in many things). As stated before I have taken Honors Chemistry, so I used test prep from my teacher and was able to form questions similar to how she asked them on the quiz. In AP Chemistry I’ve been able to use the online resources from other teachers and AP Classroom. I will say AP Chemistry it is much harder to write my own questions because AP Chemistry is just really hard in general, but finding FRQ practices I believe is one of the best ways you can work on it (Honestly it may be just me but doing FRQs or written essays for answers is so much better than multiple choice because this allows you to practice giving explanations and learning where your gap of knowledge is).

Another study technique I like to do is called the Feynmann technique. This is such a great way to apply knowledge without doing test prep because you need to essentially master your subject before test prep. This method includes creating a study plan for someone else, you need to teach someone else (or something else) what you’re learning and have them ask questions. Know I know this doesn’t really work well for some people including myself because I don’t really have others to talk to when I study but talk to yourself. (sometimes I talk to a ghost or a plushie in my room. I have little trinkets on my desk of which a tiger egg and a Chick Fil A cow plushie wearing a sunflower dress. Just try it, it might seem weird but you got to). If you can’t have others ask you questions say everything you can remember (and maybe do this on a google doc with the voice chat box open, I would say record yourself but I hate hearing my own recordings). Then, once you have finished look through your notes and see what you got correct and what you got wrong. If you did use a google docs then write what you meant to say like: “I said this... but this was incorrect because of this...”

For study schedule or something related to studying I would say watch these videos: https://youtu.be/-m2Ua5Y0mzc and https://youtu.be/OYuhkaOPKcM. Both are by youtubers who I do like to watch and follow what they do. I would say to look through Alicia’s youtube a bit more if you like electronic organization AND the true studyblr (girl can do beautiful calligraphy). I believe I align more with Keo Tsang, who studies later at night rather than earlier than the morning. Tsang does get more hours of sleep than me (haha). If you are in high school please don’t do what he does though. I try to go to bed by midnight because then I’ll get six hours of sleep, and I can sleep on the bus (it takes me an hour to get to school). I also have a free first period where I can sleep if I need to or catch up on work from last night if I didn’t do it. I do like to work when there is sunlight but also coming home from school and taking a detox or a break is so much better for my mental health. I know it will be different when in university but I’d just say this to any high school student, please do a mental detox. Don’t go on social media and scroll endlessly maybe listen to some music, read a book, take a walk/run, my sister would bake after a long stressful day and her food- while not the best- got her in a good mood. 

I think this is all I’ll write today. I still need to do so much work myself haha but I am a big procrastinator and also I did have a break down a little while ago. Just know you are worth everything and in the end, every problem is going to have some type of solution even if there is no solution. Your life doesn’t need to be answered today or tomorrow so let’s work on becoming better students one step at a time :)

[sohin-ace]

Dio - Stolen Dance

For immersion, listen to the Dark Waltz Music - Vampire masquerade collection on youtube. Oh boy

Especially 'Tonight Ve' Dance' that shit hits the spot for this fanfic. Trust me.

"Would you honor me with a dance, Y/N?"

'Hell no', was what you craved to answer to this charming yet cruel man. Dancing with him meant selling your very soul. You were about to dance with the Devil.

But you had no choice.

You tried to run away from him, from his toxicity, from his poison, but he always managed to get you back and trap you in his web. And now he offered his warm, destructive hand for a dance, just a single dance with him.

And you had no choice.

You could not refuse. You had no right to. It was oh-so reluctantly that you had put your trembling, cold hand over his possessive one. He pulled you towards him as the music played in the luxurious ballroom.

He laid his large hand around your corseted waist, pulling you to him and bringing your bodies a little too close for your own comfort. Way too close for a gentleman to conventionally be from a lady.

But he didn't seem to care one bit as your heart pounded heavily in your chest. He could probably feel it from this proximity. And he most definitely drowned himself in it.

You hesitantly, and regrettably put one hand over his broad shoulder in what you could only call a ghostly touch. You barely wanted to touch him and potentially show him a form of validation from his wrongdoings.

He engulfed your other hand in his own, relishing in the adorable yet terrifying size difference. If he wanted, he could just close his entire hand on yours and claim it as his. Just how he could easily close the distance between you and claim you just the same.

People were around. The ladies and gentlemen of the World. High class society, partying mondanely through the night. Couples dancing, businessmen meeting, Madames chatting.

Oh but in these decorated mansions, the families yearned to see newfound lovers, for what a sight it was.

Some were watching you in earnest and maybe even admiration, glad to see how the charming, handsome Dio Brando of the Joestar Estate was gracefully swaying in rhythm with the gentle, beautiful Y/N L/N, daughter of the Lord L/N.

Your face felt warm, burning almost and it was not a comfortable feeling. Maybe it was the close proximity between him and you, maybe it was all the unnecessary attention you were receiving, putting pressure and forcing shyness upon you.

Maybe it was the rising anxiety that built viciously within you and made yout heart pump violently in your chest, or maybe it was the pure hatred you felt towards the blonde man holding you captive within this very dance.

It didn't matter what it was, it felt horrible, suffocating. You could barely breathe, the room was spinning.

You were always taught to look at your partner in the eyes when dancing, but now your partner wasn't just anyone. It was Dio Brando. There was no way you could look up at his soul-piercing amber, no, crimson red eyes. Like gems of blood.

If you looked at them, if you even glanced at them...

"You are quite tense, dear." He released your hand briefly to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear, letting cool air hitting your now more exposed cheek and temple. "Relax and follow my lead."

You wanted to scoff at his words. How could you relax when your only wish at the moment was to run away from him? Your family was nowhere to be seen, Jonathan was nowhere to be seen. No one was there and no one would help you.

"You stole this dance, Dio," You growled quietly, not wanting to gather even more attention to yourself. "But it will be the last thing that you'll steal from me. Heed my words."

You finally met his eyes to grace him with a glare and he only looked down on you with mockery and a hint of fondness. As if your anger was endearing to him. He hummed in amusement.

"Hmmm...? Do I take it that everything else will be graciously given to me...?"

Before you could even gasp at his scandalous assumptions, you missed a step and fell forward, right against his solid chest. He of course didn't waste a second in wrapping his strong arms around your small form.

You could hear the other guests whispering and chuckling, probably drinking in the sight and preaching how cute you both were. The beautiful Y/N L/N clumsily falling into the arms of the very handsome Dio Brando.

Like a princess and her prince, right from a romance story. It was really fresh to witness and people just couldn't wait to see you both engaged, you looked so perfect together. After all, in this mondane society, it was all about looks.

If only they knew the truth.

You tried to push yourself off of him as you laid your palms flat on his chest, but he held you there firmly. A deep chuckle rumbled in his chest and the blonde leaned down to whisper in your ear.

"Let us go somewhere more private darling. I am tired of those curious eyes."

You felt like you were about to faint and really wanted to get out of that busy room, but surely not with Dio. As you didn't have much of a say in this, you let him guide you away, to one of the many chambers in the mansion.

He opened the door wide for you and you entered the empty, cold room bathing in darkness, not sparing him a single glance and went straight ahead to the large windows that lead to a beautifully decorated balcony.

You stayed inside though, as Dio closed the door behind him and went on his way to light a gas lamp that was laid on a night stand.

You gently pushed the silky curtains aside to glance at the moon outside. You stared at her magnificent silver light, completely forgetting where you were and that Dio was still in this very room.

You sighed, comforted by the moonlight. The moon was full on this cold night, it was the end of the year and it felt like the nocturnal satellite decided to show off all of her magic tonight.

Sometimes, you envied those legendary creatures who lived solely by the moonlight. Fantastical beings who could see the moon through all her phases and for as long as they lived. Werewolves, Vampires...

"...Beautiful, isn't it?"

You gasped, startled by his sudden deep voice so close to your ear. You swiftly turned around and glared at him, offended that his appearance tore you off your pleasant rêverie.

"Oh, please do continue. The moon reflects so deliciously on your skin, it is beyond mezmerizing."

"Yo-... you're losing yourself again, Dio!" You tried to sound strong and composed, but you couldn't help the slight whimper from escaping your throat.

"Maybe..." He lifted his large arm next to your head to fully open the curtain behind you, the sudden position flustering you as you felt trapped yet again.

You looked down as you contemplated fleeing. How many attempts was it now? You stopped counting after the 20th, but you wanted to flee again.

Not bearing the sight of his broad chest in front of you, you turned slightly back to the window and side-glanced at the beautiful garden.

There was a large maze in there. The thought of maybe trying to lose Dio there was very appealing. It turned your once melancholic and lonely expression into a softer, more relaxed one.

The moonlit maze alone filling your heart with an ounce of hope, the ghost of a smile reached your lips and eyes.

"What a sweet expression you are sporting, my love." The blond devil put his large hand on your cheek and turned your head to face him as he purred. "Although I delect myself more from your despaired expression."

Disgusting. This man was disgusting. You put a hand over his large wrist as a sign to tell him to let go of you, which he patently ignored.

He leaned forward, hovering dangerously over your face as he lifted your chin up, a soft smirk stretching his lips.

"Now tell me... what could my dove possibly be thinking about to make her look so beautifully blithe?"

You looked downwards to the red brooch on his tie, the ornament suddenly more distracting than his dominating burning gaze on you.

"I was thinking of getting away from you. It gets me going." You spoke the unfiltered truth with bitter sugar dripping from your voice.

The man before you froze upon hearing those words. Were you challenging him? Him?! The Dio Brando?

You drove him so crazy. Oh you drove him to such unfathomable frustration. His blood was boiling and pumping ferociously in his veins.

His entire body cringed, his fists balling tightly. He ground his teeth as his eyes widened in pure rage. Or was it rage? No it was deeper, more twisted than that.

It was lust.

He needed to gather all his self-control to prevent himself from breaking something or rather someone right this instant.

Yes... He could break you. Oh and it would be so easy and so satisfying, too. Nothing could quench his thirst more than destroying every inch of you at that moment.

You were such a nasty pest, you were so terribly problematic, no wonder he was so infatuated with you. So obssessed with you.

You were bad, maybe as bad as him. You pushed on all his buttons like no one ever did and yet, you played the cute little perfect girl in front of everyone else.

You made him so insane, so mad. He wanted you all to himself. He yearned for you to get your revenge on him, to be infuriated with him. He craved you right here, right now. He loved that you hated him.

Swiftly, he pressed his weight against you and pushed your body flush against the window as you gasped in surprise, barely able to even react at the forceful contact.

He was quick to catch your wrist and pin it next to your head as you tried desperately to push him away, your other hand uselessly resting on his much stronger arm.

You tried to squirm away, but his body meddled with yours in an emprisonning cage. You couldn't hide your panicked pants anymore.

"You damn woman..." He breathed in a shaky hiss right next to your heating ear, his tone way darker now and his eyes half-lidded. "Do you even realize what you are doing to me?" He spat with venom but also with dripping excitement. "You are in deep trouble, darling."

He nuzzled his face in your exposed neck, drenching himself in your sweet scent and you shuddered, his hot breath on your skin making the hair at the back of your neck stand.

Your heart hammered alarmingly inside your chest as his malicious hold triggered your Fight or Flight response. This was bad. Real bad. You struggled against his grip, writhing and pushing him.

But struggling against him was futile, useless. So useless, useless, useless...

"I hate you, Dio Brando. There's not a single piece of you that is remotely redeemable!" You growled in his ears through exhausted pants. "Hear me when I say this, I despise every inch of your disgraceful being, Dio-ugh...! I hate you with all my might...!!"

"Yes!" He grunted hungrily as he put his free hand around your hips, leaving no space between your body and his, feeling all of yourself against him. "That's it, that's what I want to hear! One more time... Scream it."

"You disgusting bastard... You have no shame..." You squeezed your eyes shut, you refused to cry. Never for him. He didn't deserve it.

"Y/N, Y/N, Y/N... Please." He was crazed, Dio lost himself, yet again. "Sweet Y/N, let me make you mine... Be mine... I know you want this..."

Just like that, the man above you craddled your body like his most prized possession, teasing the pulsing point of your neck with his lips, tongue and teeth. He clutched your hips and wrist in a bruising grip and you knew there was nothing you could do.

"I'm going to ravish you, destroy you..."

And so he did.