#one trans person mentioned that their coming out as ace was way more difficult than their trans coming out

[olderthannetfic]

Being a trans man and not being an anti is also isolating, which is part of why I think trans guys gravitate towards either being an anti or reposting anti posts. If you're not an anti, you get booted from discord servers, blocked on social media at best or sent misgendering rape threats, death threats and suicide bait by other trans men at worst, and now that I'm in college I've found IRL that not being an anti makes a lot of people in queer spaces available to the average college student incredibly uncomfortable. So you have to either be entirely alone - which is very difficult when you're young, queer, and just coming into your own identity - or you have to be around it a lot without saying a word. Agreeing with it at first wouldn't even be necessary. You just have to not say anything against it, and then you'll be able to be around other people.

It doesn't help that most trans men who get sucked into anti circles are teens at the time. There's 501 proposed anti-LGBT laws right now, not counting everything that has passed, the majority of it anti-trans. If you're a teenage boy seeing all this transphobia on the rise, you're going to feel powerless. Bullying people like antis do makes you feel power over at least a few people. Being told you can consume your way into being a good person via media intake makes you feel like you have power and control over at least that.

I was sucked in incrementally because I wasn't exposed to the more violent antis who fantasized about murder and hurting people for writing fiction, I met my only friend - who was an anti - after my dad had beaten me for coming out as trans, and I was sixteen. I got out when I was eighteen because once I went to live with my mom, a psychologist, she gently corrected me when I would say things that aren't based in fact. She pointed out how upset these people were making me. She taught me how to fact-check claims and look into the veracity of claims.

And when I tried to convey to my friends that no, what they were saying wasn't supported, they turned on me. Including the only person who had been there for me when I was hatecrimed, who had reached out to me specifically because she met me what day. I lost every friend I had in roughly 30 hours.

If I hadn't had a really great mom, a very intelligent rabbi who's well-versed in psychology and is a former lawyer who saw the "fiction made me do it" excuse used to defend heinous crimes and doesn't buy it, and an older half-sister who lived through people calling her a psycho lesbian because she's a lesbian who played D&D, listened to metal and dressed Goth in small-town Montana in the 80's/90's, I would have probably killed myself. Having those three people who accepted me and did not accept this extremist rhetoric kept me sane and repaired my self-esteem enough to keep me going.

But a lot of people don't have three adults who are intelligent, supportive, and know better than to fall for this faux-psychology. A lot of people don't even have one. Often, they have unsupportive people who also believe firmly in the faux-psychology of "if you watch a thing you'll do that thing IRL". So there's not only no one hauling them out of this, it's getting reinforced.

Being a non-anti who is a trans man gets me a lot of shit from a lot of people online and offline. (As other anons have mentioned during the ace discourse, online talking points come up on college campuses and in real life, because the internet is not an alternate dimension, it is something being used by the people around you who exist in the same physical space as you.)

A reality that I don't think people want to discuss is that trans men, just like all other people of all other genders, suffer a lot of psychological distress if they're put in a position where they have no support. I sure as fuck wasn't happy being in a position where I went from having tons of online friends, discord servers I could hang out in and fandoms I associated with good vibes to none of that, plus harassment, plus massive misgendering.

It's a lot less awful of an existence to be a trans man and an anti when you're young and need community and support than it is to not be an anti and be isolated. And humans gravitate towards the least awful option 99% of the time.

--

Yuuup.

Having some kind of real support network, usually offline but at the very least not randos you met a day ago on discord, is vital and is the difference between not only whether you rot in a pit of antidom forever but in stemming the massive flood of trans teen suicides. The overall queer rates aren't great, but the specifically trans rates... they're bad. They're so, so bad.

[belovedstill]

hey, do you plan to later publish the results of your survey and studies somewhere? some LGBTQ site? i think it would be great, there isn't much research done, comparatively, around asexuality (and around queer identities in poland), it could be a valuable source of information. have a great day!!

hi! i'm seriously considering this, yes. i don't know the specifics just yet but i've gathered way more responses to the survey than i anticipated - it'd be a shame not to share. once i finish and defend my thesis, i'll look into posting the results (i don't want to be accused of plagiarism beforehand 😅)

seriously though, the answers... i think many other polish aces will find them as comforting as i myself did, in a way. there's an overwhelming feeling of 'you are not alone in your experiences' 🥺 and some other responses are very eye-opening!

[bucky-at-bedtime]

Stucky Fic Recs

So basically I went through all of my ao3 bookmarks and collated a list of some of my favourites (I couldn't fit all of them on this list, so if anyone shows interest there might be a part two).

Please read tags and descriptions of the works before reading, some of them are pretty dark or extremely horny so just make sure you check that the fic is for you!!

Please please please send me your favourite fics in return! I am always happy to hear fic recs, headcanons and any other ideas/comments you all have!

Without any further ado, here are a few of my favourite Stucky fics:

‘Not Easily Conquered’ series by dropdeaddream, WhatAreFear

Rating: M, Words: 117,692

https://archiveofourown.org/series/115516

“I told you, you heard me: I told you never to follow me into Hell. Now I’m not vain enough to think that’s why you’re out here now — if there’s any person in what’s left of this God forsaken planet who’s part of a bigger picture, it’d be you. But I’ll keep saying it until it sticks. You got nothing to prove. I’m not worth much, I damn well know that, but I’ll ask you anyway: Stay for me. If you leave me alone in this world I’ll turn into something terrible. I’ll turn into the nasty creature that’s growing inside me. This war, it’ll swallow me whole”

[To me, this fic is like the classic Stucky 101 fanfic – if you're a Stucky fan and you haven't read this, I highly recommend it. The authors explore the Steve/Bucky relationship in such an interesting, tragic, emotive way and I cry every time I read it. I couldn't praise this work enough.]

‘Ain’t No Grave’ series by spitandvinegar

Rating: M-E, Words: 131,789

https://archiveofourown.org/series/426577

"Yeah, he never calls me by my name," Steve says. "It's always champ, ace, hotshot, that kinda thing."

"Man, that is flirting," Sam says. "That nicknames thing, he is flirting with you. He's just working his way up to calling you baby or something."

Steve goes redder than a damn coke can. Sam pumps his fist. "Yes, I am so right, I am wise as hell. He did, didn't he?"

"He called me sweetheart," Steve says grimly, "because he's a drug addict with brain damage."

"Or because he looooooves you," Sam says. Captain America throws a cookie at his head. Sam eats it, because he deserves a treat for being so damn wise.”

[I'm currently re-reading this fic and absolutely loving it. The way spitandvinegar writes Bucky's road towards recovery and Steve's entire characterisation – it's all just so good. It's another one that covers some pretty dark themes, so make sure you're checkin those tags!]

'Einherjar' by thecommodore_squid

Rating: M, Words: 71297

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7157024/chapters/16249814

But Steve was fine.

Sure, he hadn’t seen Bucky in months, and sometimes he was at the punching bag so long that his skin started to peel off to expose the bones of his fingers, and sometimes he couldn’t find the energy to drag himself out of bed, and sometimes he went weeks without sleeping, and sometimes he thought about throwing himself head-first off the nearest tall structure, but he was fine.

He was absolutely, perfectly, one-hundred percent, fucking fine.

AKA In which Steve learns how to deal with his shit, and Bucky learns how to stop leaving.

[basically the definition of a recovery fic, I absolutely adore it. This is tragic and amazing and makes me cry and smile. It’s got a bunch of fantastic cameos and It really just ticks so many of my boxes.]

‘Like real People do’ by 2bestfriends

Rating: E, Words: 67,775

https://archiveofourown.org/works/19887376/chapters/47103217

“"Ask me what?" demands Bucky. "I didn't hear a question."

Steve licks his lips. "Will you stay with me? Will you come back home, Buck?"

"Home," repeats Bucky in a small voice, and then he's crying for real.”

[Basically soft lumberjack!steve and lonely twink!bucky being horny and in love. This is a comfort fic for that’s really just about my favourite boys falling in love.]

‘This City Bleeds it’s Aching Heart’ by anonymous

Rating: E, Words: 34,537

https://archiveofourown.org/works/835829/chapters/1591736

“The one where Steve and Bucky pose as a happily married couple while on a mission for SHIELD, to catch an international arms dealer hiding in a suburban neighbourhood.”

[The plot in this one is just a good time and i think it’s just a really fun take on the fake relationship trope. Also some really great characterisation.]

‘Home is Wherever I’m With You’ by cydonic

Rating: E, Words: 88,570

https://archiveofourown.org/works/18868081/chapters/44783077

“Bucky kisses Steve and Emma goodbye before they leave for school, which is why – partway down the road – Amelia turns to him and asks, “why are you and Daddy kissing?”

Which is definitely a conversation Bucky’s been expecting since Steve just did it, but it still takes him by surprise. Again, he thinks he should wait for Steve, but Amelia’s not the sort of kid to let anything rest. Plus, Bucky’s taking her to school where she will undoubtedly share the story with anyone who’ll listen.

He also stops to think that Steve’s asked him to stay, which means Bucky must be trusted with their happiness and well-being, at least in some small capacity.

Bucky clears his throat and searches for some explanation that will help Amelia make sense of this sudden turn of events. “Because we love each other,” is all he comes up with.”

[Bear with me, this is a House Flipper!Bucky Au. And dad!Steve. I just love a found family trope I’m not gonna lie to you. Another comfort fic that warms my lil heart.]

‘Lucky Seven’ by BetteNoire (WeAreWolves)

Rating: E, Words: 94,364

https://archiveofourown.org/works/7033105/chapters/16002481

“Back from where--?” James says, the sentence ending in a distinctly undignified squawk as Steve sweeps him up in his arms, bridal-style, and starts carrying him upstairs.

James tenses momentarily then relaxes into Steve's arms and throws back his head and starts laughing. The laughter peals out of him, his body shaking, his amusement occasionally broken by little gasps of pain.

“What's so funny?” Steve frowns.

“You are,” James says, still giggling. “You're ridiculous, Steve Rogers.”

“Behave. Or I will drop you,” Steve growls.

[The shrunkyclunks modern AU of my dreams featuring Mechanic!Bucky and cap!Steve and some really beautiful writing.]

'Dishonor On Your Cow' by mandarou

Rating: E, Words: 111695

https://archiveofourown.org/works/10659162/chapters/23589582

“Sergeant Barnes?”

“Oh, hell no, don’t call him that, man,” Sam warned.

“Captain Fuck Off!” Barnes shouted over him. “Fight me!”

Steve didn’t know whether to laugh or just slink away. He managed to combine the two by pacing two steps and snorting instead. Like a bull.

“I’m gonna need you to calm your ass, Barnes,” Sam said as he went limp again, obstructing Barnes’s struggling under him. “This is so undignified. That is Captain goddamn America.”

“Captain goddamn America!” Barnes repeated, louder. And angrier.

Steve cleared his throat again. “I’ve been looking for you,” he told Barnes.

“I hope you brought lube this time!” Barnes shouted.

[I’m not gonna lie it took me a minute to get into this one but by the end I was crying with them, laughing with them, and just really in my feels. Some very insane things happen so here’s a few of my favourite tags: ‘Seargent Barnes is done with your Shit Steve’, ‘blatant disrespect of a man’s motorcycle’, ‘Steve you ding dong’ and ‘PR nightmares in the form of Supersoldiers’.]

Propietary Information by Notlucy

Rating: E, Words: 85141

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11964402/chapters/27054777

“Okay, so Bucky Barnes has a crush on Steve Rogers. The guy's gorgeous, talented and, oh yeah, the Chief Design Officer of the biggest tech company in the world. In other words: he's so far out of Bucky's league that he might as well be in a different stratosphere.”

[We were never gonna get through this list without a Sugar Daddy!AU (I have a weakness). This one is… saucy and sexy and sweet and uh pretty kinky so read the tags and all. I’ve read it a few times, and I love the way the author has written Steve in this one, he just makes my heart go '!!!']

‘Roots Have Grown’ by AustinB

Rating: M, Words: 17280

https://archiveofourown.org/works/6912451/chapters/15767941

“Bucky is a mildly agoraphobic veteran with funds to spare, who becomes enamored with the cute blonde guy in his building.

So when Steve mentions needing a roommate to cut down on rent costs, Bucky decides it would be a good idea to volunteer.”

[Another weakness of mine is Roommate AUs, and this one is phenomenal. I tend to go for post serum!Steve stories more often, but this is a pre-serum Steve that I just adore.]

‘The Cold Never Bothered me Anyway’ by icoulddothisallday

Rating: E, Words:75562

https://archiveofourown.org/works/11728869/chapters/26425530

“Bucky Barnes has spent his whole life in a state of mild hypothermia. Steve Rogers has spent the last 70 years in the ice. The two things aren’t related until, suddenly, they are. Shrunkyclunks soulmate AU (AKA the awkward bb au).”

[I think this is the only soulmate AU in my bookmarks? I would totally be down to read more though! This one is really fun and really enjoy Bucky’s characterisation here!]

'War, Children' by Nonymos

Rating: E, Words: 106615

https://archiveofourown.org/works/5373050/chapters/12409394

“After Bucky was released from the hospital, it only took him a couple of weeks to give up on himself. Difficult to believe in any kind of future when the simple act of staying alive was almost too big an effort.

Out the frosted window, across the street, there was a tiny homeless guy burrowing under an awning.”

[An interesting exploration of Bucky’s PTSD with a trans!Steve which was a cool take on his character too!]

'The Company You Keep' by orbingarrow

Rating: G, Words: 51191

https://archiveofourown.org/works/3468605/chapters/7613072

“Hurt, hungry, and on the run, the Winter Soldier doesn’t have a lot of safe options to go to for help. Figuring that any friend of Captain Steve Rogers is unlikely to be HYDRA, Bucky takes a chance and reaches out to the first Avenger he can find.

It works out better than anyone could have expected. Eventually.”

[hurt/comfort, recovering Bucky, protective Steve, found family and domestic avengers, need I say more? I absolutely loved this one]

[cuntess-carmilla]

On disability and gender

I'm writing this from my perspective as a dyadic TME non-binary lesbian (also mixed but very pale and non-Black, as well as relatively thin). I will group myself with women but like, I'm also not really a woman it's complicated lol. I say this because I can't have first-hand comprehension of all the possible dynamics between gender and disability, and other physically disabled people are very much encouraged to add their own thoughts and perspectives to this post.

I don't feel equipped to speak on how being disabled and intersex impacts gendered experiences because I have too much left to learn, so I'm sorry that I'm not going to go into it. It's not because I don't recognize that struggle, it's because I just don't have the range, so please, if you're an intersex and physically disabled person and you want to expand on this, don't be afraid to do so.

Able-bodieds can reblog but don't speak out of turn.

------------------------------------------------

For a long time I've been trying to articulate my thoughts and pain on how physical disability impacts our gendered experiences and I think I'm finally starting to get to it.

When you're physically disabled you're immediately stripped of a (willing) gender identity as well as desexualized.

Gender is embodied and performed. You can embody it "incorrectly" and perform it "poorly". Everything regarding the embodiment of physically disabled people is seen as incorrect, and the literal meaning of "disabled" is that we can't perform the same way that able-bodied people can, or at least we can't without severely impacting our wellness.

Disabled men are emasculated. Constructs of ideal manhood are in big part built on things such as physical prowess, never expressing vulnerability, being self-sufficient outside of anything domestic, and conquering women sexually and romantically.

Disabled men are seen as weak, they are seen as pathetic for having visible vulnerabilities or (if their disability isn't immediately visible) for exposing their vulnerabilities instead of "sucking it up". By needing aid, accessibility and carers that do more than what a wife would traditionally do for any man, the sense of self-sufficiency men are supposed to perform is unavailable to disabled men. All disabled people are desexualized and seen as repulsive once our sexualities are acknowledged, and even disabled dyadic cishet men can't escape this. Able-bodied women see them as unfit for any sort of serious romantic or sexual partnership. Not to mention too the traditional role of men as providers and how difficult it is for any disabled person to acquire wealth at all, let alone enough to support more than ourselves alone. The rates of poverty for physically disabled people are fucking astronomical, so most disabled men can't even use that to their advantage in romance and sex to make up for all the other ways in which they're at a disadvantage compared to able-bodied men.

Disabled women fail at embodying and performing every single aspect of traditional womanhood too, but in particular; domestic labor, sexual labor, and beauty standards.

All labor is difficult if not downright impossible when you're disabled. Disabled women who need carers as adults are seen as complete failures because, even as children, but especially as adults, we're the ones who're supposed to be the carers of others, not the other way around. People love to pretend that women are coddled more than men, but nothing breaks that illusion more than being a disabled woman. A woman's needs are supposed to be invisible and self-fulfilled, or else we're whiny spoiled bitches, and guess what that means for disabled women. When we can't perform this pristine role we're immediately marked as failures, we're undesirable and nothing but a parasitic drag in the lives of abled people.

Yes, not all disabled women are straight, plenty of us are bi or lesbians, many are also aro/ace, but the point is that the patriarchy doesn't really give a shit what a woman's sexuality is, because no woman is seen as having sexual agency, so even if we're not straight we're expected to exist to satisfy men sexually. I cannot describe how difficult it is to be sexual, even when you're not ace, if you're physically disabled. Speaking from my own experience, trying to maintain a sex life as someone who experiences chronic fatigue and chronic pain is one of the most frustrating and demoralizing aspects of my disability. I want sex, I want to want sex, to be able to fuck my fiancé, but most of the time I simply can't gather the energy to even feel horny. I feel like such a failure of a lover because of it. Even though my fiancé is patient and understanding with me!

Can you imagine what it is like for disabled women who aren't as "lucky" as me, to have a partner who understands that we simply can't do it all the time even if we do want to? I don't want to go into too much detail about this because it's very painful and triggering to many, but I think you can imagine what happens to a lot of disabled women (and disabled people in general) when we're not satisfying a partner sexually and they get too frustrated by it. Being as vulnerable as we are, nobody cares much what happens to us. More so since, again, physically disabled people are seen as sexually repulsive, so if anyone wants sex with us we're supposed to be "thankful" for it, no matter the circumstances.

As for beauty standards, any woman who doesn't fit traditional beauty standards will know just how badly men treat you when they don't find you physically appealing, and well... Let's just say that a cane or a wheelchair aren't seen by society as particularly attractive, no matter how much the woman using them fits traditional beauty standards otherwise. Then there's female amputees, women with deformities, etc. In my case, I'm a literal mutant. If I don't disguise my tells with corsetry, long sleeves, and so, so much more, my body looks "off", I have been told repeatedly that my body looks "off" my whole life, and I'm one of the least visibly disabled ones! Even regarding body hair it's fucking hell. My collagen is so elastic that when new hair grows it stays ingrown unless I manually break my skin with a needle or a pumice stone (no, gentler ways of exfoliation don't work), but shaving isn't ideal either because my skin is, due to my altered collagen too, literally transparent and you can see the roots of my dark hairs under it even if I shave down to accidentally harming my skin with the blade.

Performing femininity at all is just... It's fucking hell. If it's exhausting for able-bodied women, can you imagine what it is like for us? I can barely manage to shower, by the time I'm done with my hair, makeup and outfit, every bit of my very limited energy is depleted and then I still have the rest of the day to go through. And I LIKE being feminine. I like wearing makeup and wearing the outfits I wear and yet I still dread it when I know I'll have to do more than stay in my pajamas at home.

Also, the perceived fragility of disabled women isn't the type of fragility that is seen as desirable in women. It's not delicacy. Wheelchairs, canes and other mobility aids aren't seen as "delicate" or "demure". Neither is kinesio tape, or compression stockings, or any other sort of medical equipment which, on top of it all, tend to not be very "aesthetic". Our fragility isn't the romanticized type, it's the "wow, you're an useless burden who can't serve me the way I expect you to" type.

When it comes to "binary" disabled trans people (for a lack of a better term) the degendering is even more intense than it already is for their cis counterparts (all that I described above applies to them too). There's a dichotomy of the even heavier denial of their actual genders as men and women due to the combination of their transness and disabilities, contrasting with how even if they were to conform to their assigned genders at birth they'd still be seen as failures at it due to everything I've already stated. There's also the sentiment that their identifying outside of their assigned gender at birth is a sort of consolation prize, something they're going for only because they were failing at being proper cis men and cis women, and thus their actual genders are even more invalidated and effectively pathologized in the most medical sense of the word, which is already a problem for all trans people, but for physically disabled trans people this intensifies the problem even more.

When it comes to non-binary disabled people things get so fucking confusing and infuriating. If binary disabled people get denied their manhood and womanhood, best believe that multigender disabled people (bigender, genderfluid, etc) are denied all aspects of their genders even harder. Not even completely agender disabled people are safe from being seen as failures of their gender identities by people who would perfectly respect the identity of an agender but able-bodied person. The fact that the default gendered status of all disabled people is forcefully degendered makes it so agender disabled people aren't seen as having any agency or self-determination in their (lack of or neutral) gender identity, it's seen as a passive inevitability from their embodiment, so it doesn't really "count", while simultaneously being subjected to the general transphobic bullshit any other agender person would be subjected to.

All of these things already affect white, thin and dyadic physically disabled people. When you add race (especially Blackness and/or being dark skinned), fatness and being intersex into the mix, the ways in which we're degendered and misgendered are off the fucking rails.

We can't fucking win.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

been thinking abt this literally all day because I’m haunted by how bad this take is, because the idea here seems to be that learning to recognize patterns in transphobic ideology is somehow decentering trans women rather than??? you know??? serving as a valid early warning system for how to clock transphobes without them having to come right out and say something wildly transphobic?

disdain for queer as a self-identifier and ace spectrum identities frequently go hand in hand with transphobia; I know this because I have spent HOURS of my life that I will never get back screening blogs to make sure they’re not run by terfs and have seen firsthand how hatred of various identities is entirely concordant for most transphobes. when I see a blogger throwing around the mocking “kweer” or speaking disparagingly about ace identities, that’s a huge red flag that almost always gives way to more nasty shit aimed at trans people.

very very VERY few people hold exactly one (1) prejudice and neatly eschew the rest, and this absolutely applies to transphobes. it’s frankly impossible to talk about interconnected circles of transphobic bigotry without mentioning that transmisogyny frequently relies on profoundly racist definitions of womanhood and femininity. that’s not a coincidence, and if you think transphobes stop at being transphobic and racist you’re a clown, full stop.

the entire community is structured on aggressive policing of gender and sexuality, and disdains most identities and individuals whose existence poses any kind of challenge to those rigid norms - including, yes, ace people and folks who identify themselves as queer, since the term seems to hold particular popularity with those whose gender and/or sexual orientations are difficult to neatly categorize. obviously there are always going to be individuals who don’t personally jive with the word queer, and that’s fine, but there’s no point in ignoring that much pushback against the term has been part of a larger agenda spearheaded by reactionary transphobes against any gender or sexuality that they don’t personally approve of.

also, I have to squeeze this in, it feels just a little wild to claim that trans exclusionary radical feminism is EXCLUSIVELY about hating trans women. trans women are often the most visible targets, and transmisogyny is absolutely real, but terfs and transphobia are also doing tremendous harm to trans men, nonbinary people, and anyone else who falls under the nebulous umbrella of “not cis.”

ANYWHO do your reading and remember to practice basic pattern recognition, kids. 

[thedreadvampy]

Hey Ruth! I noticed you've talked in the past about asexuality in quite a negative manner. As an ace-person (who has received backlash for it) I was wondering: do you still uphold these opinions?

Hey! I have in the past said I don’t really...like people popping up in my ask box asking me My Opinion On Asexuality, but I do appreciate you asking me as someone I kinda know and with your face turned on, so I’m gonna aim to answer in the macro. Though I mean it depends on what the opinions...are? I have had a lot of opinions over the time I’ve had this blog and I don’t necessarily know what all of them were or which ones have concerned you. I can give you a top-level view of how I see my views, though (however, since I have been largely holding off on answering this kind of ask for Literally A Year Now this is less an answer to your specific question and more an answer to the last year of asks)

(also if I get dogpiled in my inbox for Having Bad Asexuality Opinions which I do every time I talk about asexuality regardless of what I actually say then. my phone is broken I won’t know about it :) so I feel untouchable)

I don’t think I hold a negative opinion of asexuality as an identity (I say I don’t think bc we all have blind spots)? I have a lot of very important people in my life who are asexual, aromantic or aroace and. I mean it feels pretty condescending to say ~uwu it’s valid~ bc like. ace and aro people don’t really need my input to validate their identity. but a) it seems like a pretty accurate way to describe their experience and b) I know a lot of them have had a really huge boost from finding a name and community to fit their experience and have found that really helpful, and I’ve seen that make a huge difference in people’s lives and I’m really happy to watch my friends come to understand themselves and feel comfortable and accepted in a part of themselves they had felt really alienated or stigmatised by. In a broader sense, I think there’s huge value in decentralising romance and sex in our assumptions of What Human Happiness Means and for some people that’s not the most important thing, and for some it’s just not interesting. 

So like. I find it difficult to really express these opinions in any meaningful way because my opinion on asexuals and aromantics is much like my opinion on trans people or idk like people of colour. like very obviously those people exist and very obviously those people don’t deserve to be marginalised or stigmatised but it would feel. weird and performative to just make a post saying like “Asexuality Is Good And Valid, I Am Pro It” bc again like. who needs my permission or cares about my opinion. it’s not a Good Thing To Do it’s just. a thing you are that shouldn’t be treated as a bad thing.

however. and I suspect that this is what you’re referring to. while I love and appreciate ace and aro people, I think building communities and active support for ace and aro people is valuable and needed and, as above, I think Asexuality Is Good And Valid I Am Pro It, I do take some issue with elements of how discussions around asexuality are framed online (pretty much only online, I really haven’t run into the kind of black-and-white thinking in in-person queer spaces) 

and I also. think there are some issues with people extrapolating their experience of their own sexuality onto the world in a way which. I’m just going to say a lot of the time when I talk about The Ace Discourse in a negative way it’s around people assuming that the world is split into a binary between ace and allo people, or assuming that only aspec people experience a nuanced or complex or fluid relationship to their sexuality while pigeonholing allosexuality into a pretty flat image of sex and romance focus. and I have always felt like this does a massive disservice not just to people who don’t identify with aspec labels, but also to the general hope that we could work against the expectation that there’s a Standard Amount To Value Sex/Romance - I think that the assumption that there are aspec people and then Everyone Else Has The Normal Type and Level of Attraction just. reinforces the idea that there’s a “Normal” type and level of attraction. which is ultimately pretty self-defeating and also just. observably untrue. 

and this division of the world into Aspec People and Allo People also has some other weird knockon effects - I don’t think there’s anything intrinsically wrong with identities like gray ace or demi or other aspec labels beyond asexual and aromantic, but I do think that the way those labels are used is often. unhelpful. and they’re defined in such personal, subjective ways that you get weirdnesses sometimes like people Diagnosing Each Other With Demisexual or people saying ‘you can’t talk about this experience you share because it’s an Aspec Experience’ and again. there isn’t a concrete material experience there because the whole experience of romantic and sexual attraction, what that feels like and how sharply divisible it is is very, very personal and subjective. and everyone has different experiences of those and will name those experiences differently.

there’s also. historically a minority of Big Ace Blogs that kind of sneer at allosexuality or who would hijack posts about other issues to derail them to asexuality. but I don’t think they were ever representative of the community as a whole and I certainly think that inasmuch as those blogs remain around they’re a legacy of the Long-Ago (and a lot of them are trolls imo)

but there is. an issue I take that does seem to be more currently live which is the question of allo privilege. I think personally that framing all allosexuals/alloromantics as privileged over all aspec people on the basis of feeling sexual/romantic attraction is provably untrue in a world where people, particularly queer people, are actively oppressed and marginalised for expressing non-normative sexuality. it isn’t that I don’t think asexuality and aromanticism isn’t marginalised and stigmatised, because it visibly is, but it seems pretty reductive to boil it down to a binary yes/no privilege when both sexualisation and desexualisation are so actively tied into other forms of marginalisation (this is what I was trying to express in the argument about Martin a while ago - sex and sexuality are so often disincentivised for fat, queer, disabled and neuroatypical people that it doesn’t...feel like a reclamation that those tend to be the characters that get fanonised as ace where slim, straight, able-bodied and neurotypical characters aren’t. like it’s more complex than a binary privilege equation; sex and romance are incentivised and stigmatised differently at the intersection of oppressions and. for example. in a world where gay conversion therapy and religious oppression of gay and SGA people is so often focused specifically on celibacy and on punishing the act of sexual attraction, I don’t think it’s a reasonable framing to say that a gay allosexual man has privilege over an aroace man on the basis of his attraction) 

so those are like. things I would consider myself to feel actively negative about in online discourse (and again. in online discourse. not in how I relate to asexuality or aromanticism or aspec identities in general but in the framing and approaches people take towards discussing it in a very specific bubble).

but also. um. the main criticism I have of the online discourse culture of asexuality is that there are things I don’t have experience of that I have mentioned, when asked, that I don’t personally understand the meaning of but I don’t need to understand them to appreciate that they’re useful/meaningful to others. things like 

the difference between QPRs, asexual romantic relationships and close friendships

how you know the difference between romantic attraction and friendship

the distinction between sexual attraction and a desire to have sex with someone for another reason

and I hope I’ve generally been clear that this is. honest lack of understanding and not condemnation. I personally have a very muddled sense of attraction and often have difficulty identifying the specifics of any of my own emotional needs so like. it’s a closed book for me at the moment, how you would identify the fine distinctions between types of want when I’m still at step 1: identify That You Want Something Of Some Sort, Eventually, Through Trial And Error. but I think I’ve always been explicit that this isn’t a value judgement it’s just a gap in my own knowledge and yet. every single time I’ve said anything other than enthusiastic “yes I understand this and I love it and it’s good and valid” (and again. I have not gone out of my way to talk about it I have mostly only mentioned it because people keep asking me to talk about it) I have got a massive rush of anger and accusations of aphobia and “just shut up if you don’t know what you’re talking about but also answer my 30 questions to prove you think Correct Things about asexuality” and. I understand that this comes from a place of really unpleasant and aggressive backlash towards the ace community so it’s a sensitivity with a lot of people but like. it doesn’t seem proportional.

also I feel like ever since I hit like 700 followers my Tumblr life has been a constant cycle of people asking me Are You An Ace Inclusionist Are You An Exclus Are You An Aphobe Justify Your Opinion On Asexuality which. eventually yeah I’ve got pretty snippy about the whole thing. but you know. fuck it I’m just gonna lay it out and if you or anyone else is uncomfortable following me based on those opinions then I’m sorry to hear that and I will be sad to see you not want to engage with me any more but I also think that’s absolutely your prerogative. however I will not be taking questions at this time (and not just bc my phone’s broken) - demands for an argument about this Are Going To Be Ignored so if you want to go then go.

so like the big question I reckon is Do You Think Asexuality Is Queer and

yes. no. maybe. I don’t understand the question what does it mean for an identity to be queer? 

there are spaces and conversations where any form of aromanticism or asexuality makes sense as a relevant identity. talking about hegemonic expectations of normative romance. building community. combatting the idea that heterosexual missionary married sex between a man and a woman is the only rewarding or valuable form of relationship or intimacy.

there are spaces where I think heterosexual aros/heteromantic cis aces don’t. have a more meaningful or direct experience of the issues than allo cishets. because while being aro or ace or aspec has a direct impact on those people on a personal and relational level, disclosure is largely a choice, and the world at large sees them as straight. they don’t have the lived experience of being visibly nonconforming that SGA people and aroace people do. they may still be queer but there’s a lot of conversations where they bring a lot of the baggage of being Straight People (because. even if you’re ace or aro you can still be straight in your romantic or sexual attraction and if your relationships are all outwardly straight then you don’t necessarily have an intimate personal understanding of being marginalised from mainstream society by dint of your sexuality). this doesn’t make you Not Queer in the same way that being a bi person who’s only ever been in m/f relationships is still queer, but in both cases a) you don’t magically have a personal experience of societal oppression through the transitive properties of Being Queer and b) it’s really obnoxious to talk as if you’re The Most Oppressed when other people are trying to have a conversation about their lived experience of societal oppression. and they’re within their rights to say ‘we’re talking about the experience of being marginalised for same gender/non-heterosexual attraction and you’re straight, could you butt out?’)

(I very much object to the assumption coming from a lot of exclus that “cishet ace” is a term that can reasonably be applied to non-orientated aroace people though. het is not a default it really extremely doesn’t make sense to treat people who feel no attraction as Straight By Default. when I were a lad I feel like we mostly understood “asexual” to mean that identity - non-orientated aroace - and while I think it’s obvious that a lot of people do find value in using a more split-model because. well. some people are both gay/straight/bi and aro/ace, and it’s good that language reflects that. but I do think it’s left a gap in the language to simply refer to non-attracted people. this isn’t a criticism of anything in particular - there’s a constant balancing act in language between specificity and adaptability and sometimes a gain for one is a loss for the other)

some queer conversations and spaces just. aren’t built with aces in mind. and that isn’t a flaw. some spaces aren’t built with men in mind, but that doesn’t mean men can’t be queer. some conversations are about Black experiences of queerness but that doesn’t mean non-Black people can’t be queer. not all queer spaces will focus on ace needs but that doesn’t mean asexuality isn’t queer, or that queerness is opposed to aceness - sex, sexuality, romance and dating are all really important things to a lot of queer people, especially those whose sexuality and romantic relationships are often stigmatised or violently suppressed in wider society. there should be gay bars, hookup apps, gay and trans friendly sex education, making out at Pride, leather parades and topless dyke marches and porn made by and for queer people, romantic representation in media of young and old gay, bi and trans couples kissing and snuggling and getting married and saying sloppy romantic things. and there should be non-sexual queer spaces, there should be discussions around queerness that don’t suppose that a monogamous romantic relationship is what everyone’s fighting for, sex ed should be ace inclusive, etc. 

I think the whole question of inclusionism vs exclusionism is based on a weird underlying assumption that If An Identity Is Queer All Queer Spaces Should Directly Cater To That. like. aspec identities can be queer and it can be totally reasonable for there to be queer spaces that revolve around being sexual and romantic and there can be conversations it’s not appropriate or productive to centre asexuality and aspec experiences in and we can recognise that not all queer people do prioritise or have any interest in sex or romance. in the same way that there’s value in centring binary trans experiences sometimes and nonbinary experiences at other times but both of those conversations should recognise that neither binary or nonbinary gender identity is a Universal Queer Experience.

anyway that one probably isn’t one of the opinions you were asking about but I have been wanting to find a way to express it for a while so you’re getting it: the Ruth Thedreadvampy Inclusionism Take.

uh. it’s 1:30 on a work night so I have been typing too long. if there was an opinion you were specifically thinking of that I haven’t mentioned, chuck me another ask specifically pointing to what you want me to clarify my thinking on. sometimes I gotta be honest I’ve just been kind of careless in my framing (thinking of the Martin Fucks debacle where I spent ages insisting I didn’t say Martin couldn’t be aroace then read back like two days later and realised that I had said “he’s not aroace” bc I had written the post at 2am without proofreading and had meant to say “unless you think he’s aroace”) so I May Well Not Stand By Some Posts or might Stand By Them With Clarification

[urbanteeth]

Even more on my half-elven son, Fen Stagmire who has stolen my heart:

Tagging: @handsomeghostboy

The first thing he does when he arrives in a new town/city/village is find the nearest body of fresh water (lake, stream, river, spring) that the locals use/depend on and thanks the local gods for their hospitality.

If it’s a coastal town, though, he’ll try to limit his time on the beach. Sea gods tend to be fickle and often times, super intimidating. Not to mention, sea gods change depending on the surrounding environment and people. He doesn’t know these waters and so, tries to maintain his distance out of respect. Freshwater gods, he finds, are much gentler beings since they tend to be more universally consistent (that’s not to say they can’t be fickle and treacherous as well, but because they interact with all kinds of people more regularly, they are less scary)

He loves to learn about other religions, beliefs, and customs/traditions though! Especially from other coastal communities. The Sea has many faces while simultaneously being One. Also, it’s very big. This makes for interesting variations on domains, personalities, worshipping practices and the like! He likes to trade handmade goods and stories with other coastal folks.

Favorite foods include dates and a few other fruits like peaches and berries, seaweed, whitefish, other white meats like waterfowl, and anything well seasoned and/or spiced. Seafoods like turtle and whale and squid are usually eaten for special occasions but he finds them tasty either way. He’s quite fond of honey as well. He dislikes most red meats, some grains (oats, rice, wheat bread), certain nuts and some seeds (pumpkin seeds, walnuts, almonds).

Actually does not like traveling by large ships. There are too many people and many often don’t have sea legs/get seasick/are not used to the sea. So, that’s not very fun. Fishing boats and other smaller vessels where it’s just him, a handful of travelers, and the crew is much more tolerable. The shanties, however, on a large ship or otherwise, make the trip worth it. They are, after all, just another form of a story.

Will join in monster hunts whenever he can and wherever he goes. The rewards can keep him going for a while. He has amassed quite the scar collection because of it though!

Has trouble reading lengthy, wordy texts out loud even if the words are not complicated/difficult. His eyes read faster than his mouth. Also, while he does know more complicated words, he often doesn’t know how to pronounce them, or he knows how to pronounce them but just doesn’t know how to write them. Reading, in general, is hell.

He received his first bow in the same coming of age ceremony as his shark’s tooth. His second, he made himself from driftwood. His third, he received from his mentor when the time to leave came around.

Loves to climb and is very surefooted! Born from years of scaling cliff sides to search for bird’s eggs (and then forgetting about them in the awe of watching the sunrise over the sea) Trees, buildings, rigging, cliffs... if he can scramble up with hands and feet, it’s fair game.

When he gets homesick and he’s too far from the sea, he’ll pull out an old shirt still smelling like the sea and just breathe in the scent of saltwater and sun. The soft plant materials used on his home island make for very soothing fabrics.

Some little skills his adoptive mother taught him: sewing, charm making out of things like grass and feathers and crystals and shells, carving objects (mostly little animals) from tiny bits of bone or driftwood (he’s not very good at this one but it gives his hands something to do), singing (he has a clear strong voice that’s v good for this), weaving rope and baskets, dyeing cloth/thread

He also has a tattoo of Atlotl curled in the middle of his chest.

He also has bands on his wrists and forearms and smaller, thinner geometric ones on the fingers of his dominant hand. The ones on his arms are for protection and the smaller ones of his fingers promote accuracy and precision and greater control over each shot. The one of Atlotl he got just before leaving his island but after the one on his face. The ones on his arms he got at the urging of his mentor because “your body is your greatest weapon. So use it.” All his tattoos are inked with iridescent blue and white ink.

Is an aro/ace trans man (projection? In my character? It’s more likely than you think)

[junipersdragon]

Thoughts After Finnishing The Bright Seasions

Just be warned, there are some spoilers about the podcast, so if you haven’t listened to the whole thing, I suggest not reading this post.

Dr Bright: God, do I love this woman! I wish I had her as my therapist! She is so kind and practical to her pacients. I’ve actually began using one of the breathing exercises that was mentioned in on of the episodes, and it works really well for my anxiety. Joan Bright, best therapist 10000000/10

Sam: Boy, can I relate to Sam. Having clinical anxiety and depression is really tough and I struggled a lot with panic attacks this past year. I can’t imagine how it would be like to loose your parents in such a tragic way, but having someone to love and help you heal, even if you’re taking a break from each other, Of very good. Having a suport system is always good. Also the fact that the crossover Ars Paradoxica with The Bright Sessions is cannon blows my fucking mind.

Caleb: I love this boy. I love him. I would do anything for this boy. He is so kind and loving and sweet and, let’s be real here, that’s hard to do when you’re openly gay and in high school, empath or not. When he and Adam finally got together, I was gushing so much with feelings I nearly dunked the rag I was cleaning with into the toilet. Also, taking a flask with herbal tea in it to a party is now one of my main stratigies when I go to college

Adam: once again, I love this boy and would do anything for him. He is so sweet and very relatable. Having depression is very difficult, especially when your partner can’t quite understand your feelings. However, Caleb always makes an attempt to understand and talk with him. I’m so glad that Adam was a much bigger part of this podcast than I expected, because I truly love him and he and Caleb are such a good couple together. I cry every time at “You keep me green.”

Chloe: ACE PRIDE ACE PRICE ACE PRIDE!!!! God, I love how diverse the cast is with their sexualities in this show!!! Chloe is confirmed to have multiple past boyfriends and girlfriends, all while being ace and not having any intrests in having sex with them! It’s so good to see this kind of representation and I wish there was more of it in mainstream media. Chloe has such a big and beautiful and loving heart and I love her so much as a character! I could probably listen to an entire podcast just about her and Frank’s art adventures.

Frank: A smaller role in this podcast, but an important role nonetheless. Without Frank, many things would be left unanswered and the fact that whe know normal people can be inhanced and become atypical is a very interesting topic that I really hope comes up in The AM Archives. He and Chloe’s relationship is so pure and I just think that they are the best best friends ever.

Damien: oh, this man. I have a love/hate relationship with this man. His character is so solid, his morals are grey, leaning into black, but towards the end of the podcast he gets a redemption I never saw coming, to the point where I can truly say that I would love to listen to a podcast about Damien tracking and coping without his ability. He’s a very good antagonist and though he isn’t the main one, is my absolute favorite.

Mark: I love Mark. I love everything about his character, to his enthusiasm about the 21st century, to his relationship with Joan and Sam, to his voicemail. God, I love his voicemail. This man is pure comedy and hurt and I love him so dearly. I hope that his art helps him begin to cope and I hope that he and Sam get back together as some point in The AM Archives, because I love them so much together.

Wadsworth: Ah Yes, the Queen bitch. I hate this woman’s guts for everything that she has done because she is unapologetically evil and confident. She is such a good antagonist and I hope to never hear her appear in The AM Archives, but let’s be real, she probably will at some point. I hate this woman, but god, did her actress do a good job portraying an outstanding villain.

Green: Owen is a morally grey character and, for a really long time throughout the podcast, I hated his guts. I groaned right along with the characters whenever he called. But towards the end of the podcast, I fell in love with this goofy and morally grey guy. I’m so happy that he’s the director of the AM now, because I know he, Sam, and Bright will do amazing things.

Rose: We didn’t get to know Rose very much, but boy am I glad that she is there. Without her, we never would’ve gotten such an amazing 50th episode! The music in that episode was amazing and gorgeous and if I had money, I would be listening to those songs until my ears bleed. I love the blend of specialities we have in this show, with Chloe being ace, Mark being Bi, Damien being Pan (I think? Though it’s never really confirmed what his sexuality is), and Rose being lesbian. I hope we get more of her in The AM Archives.

*Bonus Episode Characters*

Myra: Yes, The mom character. Myra is a very interesting character, What with her past of abuse and her astrial projection. She loves her daughter very much and I know that she is a good mother and a good person.

Melanie: This character is a prime example of what it is like to be apart of the LGBTQ+ community in a dangerous country such as Iran and Seria. She falls in love with a girl from her dig team and I gushed at the clouds parting to reveal the stars. I wish for a day where everyone in the LGBT+ community can be safe and love who they love.

Austin: I would die for this child. I love this child and if anything were to happen to him, I would kill everyone in this room and then myself.* I know how it feels to feel like you’re invisible. I lost a lot of friends this year, so walking around, it felt like I wasn’t even there. But I love Austin so much. He is such a sweet boy with a big heart and has great taste in music. I would love to hear an episode with Dr. Bright rocking out to P!ATD.

Lou: *see Austin* Lou is such a sweet girl and I am so glad that her episode was made. Loosing a friend is hard, especially when you know you can never see them again. I lost a friend this year, not to cancer but due to school drama, and it hurt quite a lot. But I am glad she is using her ability to do something to help the eart and I’m glad she is slowly moving on.

Victor: I’m not quite sure of what I think about Victor. He’s an interesting character with a morally grey past, but I can’t help but smile at the fact that he and his sister are finally reconnecting after so long. Family is very important I’m my culture, though as I learned, family isn’t nessicarily the one you’re born into, but the people you love the most in the world.

Arthur: I can’t not head Zach Valenti’s voice and think of Eiffel from Wolf 359. So I will forever headcannon that they are the same person.

Rory: *see Austin* when I think of Rory, I think of this cute yet badass teen rocking a leather jacket and red streaks in her hair. Her ability is distructive, but I’m so glad that she’s learning to control it properly.

Niko: *see Austin* Non-binary pride, bitches! As someone who’s best friend is trans, I absolutely adore this character! They’re voice and their humor and everything just makes me grin ear to ear. I want more Niko in my life and would gladly listen to anything to do with them.

Vanessa: Chloe’s Mom has got it going on, guys! Man, I love the chemistry that her and Joan have. They are just such good friends and I laughed so much during this episode. I also cried when the death of Chloe’s sister was finally explained. I would gladly listen to a podcast where it’s just Joan and Vanessa shorting the shit together. They are my brOTP and I live for it.

[ambersky0319]

Amber Rambles about a Story-

So I wanna ramble about an original story, the ideas I have for it, the characters, the world in general and the one person in my house that would listen and give good feedback or ideas and knows the basics of what I have planned is currently asleep so

There's a lot here oof-

----------------------

So to start off I wanna scratch the surface that is the world before I delve into the characters

The story(from what I have planned it'll take place over 11 books) takes place mainly on an alternate-earth that is more dystopian/sci-fi ish and an original fantasy world I've been calling Fandahli. The first part of the first book takes place in Fandahli, and the second and third parts on this alternate-earth.

The earth is basically unified, most people speaking a new language just known as Emor(basically English under a different name). Technological advances have come to a stop, or so it would seem. The world is pretty much American culture having taken over media, erasing other cultures, etc. They now call themselves Emorians. Not a good place to be.

They had created an organization about twenty-five years before the story takes place, at the time called Prosper, but later it renamed itself as Tempest. The organization was less of that and more like a government experiment, combining animal genes into the genes of humans in a certain way to create the 'ultimate human'. Originally, the Emorians created them to keep everyone in line. These humans were trained to be assassins without the government's knowing however and it wasn't long before Emorian officials began to disappear.

Now Fandahli! Fandahli is a world that's very similar to Earth, but is held together by magic(in this universe, Earth also technically has magic but it's very little/very weak and has been dormant for so long it's been forgotten). It was created by four Cinomeds, powerful beings that have powers no one still on Fandahli has. These four are: Rikki, Angel, Serranidae, and Aki.

Along with that, the most two important continents on Fandahli are Vola and Tione.

After the War of Cinomeds, where Angel rebelled against her companions, the land was pretty much destroyed. But portals to other worlds remained open and the land healed. Humans then arrived after discovering one of the portals, but soon after the portals all closed once more, trapping them there. The humans adapted, gaining magic to help them survive, and changed their name to Dalis.

The Dalis split over the different continents, and then into different kingdoms, and grew from there. The main kingdom focused on is Tongyi, located within Vola. It remains spring there no matter the time of year.

The powers of the Dalis vary, but usuaily end up being one of these:

Weapon-Creation

Barrier-Creation

Healing

Barrier creation and weapon creation can sometimes occur within the same Dali, though it isn't too common- but it's not rare either

Aside from Dalis, there are also Dragons. The dragon species vary on where on Tione they come from, or if they come from a different part of Fandahli. I'm still designing some of them.

And then there are the werewolves. Most werewolf villages are peaceful, and are respected by all Dali. It's believed to be a great dishonor to fight any werewolf village. I'm still developing the werewolves as well, I just know they play important roles within the story itself later on.

Back to Cinomeds cause I forgot an important detail!

After the War of Cinomeds(thought to be a war of gods by the Dali, they're also thought to just be legends), Angel was forcefully split apart. Her soul was torn and although Rikki(the one who defeated her) believed that she was gone for good, it seemed that she would just be reincarnated into two other people(Dalis for a long while, later encompassing both Fandahlian species and Humans) that when together could possibly turn into her. It was rare that any of the reincarnates actually met.

The other Cinomeds fell into a deep slumber until the portals would be reopened.

I feel I've rambled long enough about the world 😅 how about my babies next?

Evanna Mays

Evanna is a force to be reckoned with

The youngest queen to ever rule Tongyi, taking the throne soon after her (quite hated)mother's death. She took the throne midway through a war with another kingdom

Evanna herself is loved among her subjects, though many often try to tell her to do or not do certain things. Try to give her restrictions

Like don't fight on the front lines, have an heir if you're gonna do that, just stay on your throne, don't go to other kingdoms it's too dangerous

Each person fails

Especially whenever they bring up an heir, cause it's not like she doesn't like kids she just never wants to have a biological one

And she refuses to marry someone with a kid so they'd become her heir

She's Aro/Ace if ya didn't catch on

Her family all has bright red hair and pastel blue eyes. They're the only ones in all of Vola with these traits and are quite recognizeable.

She later adopts and people get off her case about having an heir because he is her son just not her biological son but that changes nothing cause she loves him and will fight anyone who thinks he's not fit for the throne

Dani Mays

The adopted son

He's just like Evanna, rushing into battle, and citizens of Tongyi just panic because oh fuck he's gonna die he's more reckless than her-

Very social but people treat him so differently cause he's the prince that he can't seem to make any friends and he h a t e s that

Then two humans come into his life and he is very very bi

Queue a whole love-triangle subplot that goes well

Dani adores reading and learning overall, spending hours in Evanna's old study

Becomes King far sooner than he had wanted

Life goes to hell not long after coronation and he suffers from depression and nothing's good for anyone during this time

Does he get a happy ending? Who knows

He doesn't

Oh also he's a biromantic asexual boi and proud

Leona Carter

Young woman with a troubled past, Leona is a very stubborn and apathetic human

Is a high-ranking member of Tempest

It was a last resort in a difficult situation and she's just glad her heart is still beating

Is pretty well-off so long as she follows orders

But if course she later joins a rebellion after becoming very gay for one of her targets that she now refuses to kill for other reasons

Slow burn subplot ensues

She nearly dies many times

95% of the time she does not care if she dies

Just wants a peaceful life

Does she ever get it?

Eventually, after losing something really important though

Marie Sydney

Marie had a decent life, great parents and an awesome protective older brother, and his new daughter

Yeah that all shattered after something happened to her and she was left to cope by herself cause she wasn't sure what to do about the situation

She just adopted a fifteen year old btw who has no idea about her situation

Then she meets Leona

She thinks Leona's great, but there's something off about this news reporter

And then Leona reveals her actual job and the original reason she ever asked Marie out and she's sobbing and a gun is in her hand but she's placing it in Marie's and begging for Marie to pull the trigger

Turns out Marie was a target but Leona just can't kill Marie, not knowing what's happened to Marie nor what could happen now that the two grew close. But Leona's incapable of taking her own life

Marie doesn't pull the trigger

Life somehow gets worse as she's tangled up in this whole Tempest bullshit

Falls for Leona in the process and is very conflicted about it

Taylor Sydney

Adopted by Marie at 15

Her life's pretty normal until a portal is discovered and when she's a high school senior her class is forced to learn about Vola and Tongyi specifically. They eventually go to Tongyi through the portal

Turns out her Mom and Leona know the queen of Tongyi cause things have happened

Meets Dani and Jeremiah

They find out they can form Angel and that's when shit really goes down

Things happen, love confessions made, near death experiences, loves drifting apart, etc. etc.

Doesn't have a happy ending

Jeremiah Canales

My trans boi

I love him, he gets mistaken for Evanna's son quite a lot, usually by humans

He identifies as pan, and doesn't experience dysphoria. Oh and he was a Tempest Engineer for awhile

His family was pretty accepting of him once he reconnected with them(originally drifted apart cause of reasons I have yet to create)

Is pretty much the only braincell Angel has when formed

He feels really, really guilty that weapons he created were used to kill dozens of people and somehow equates that to him killing them even if he was forced to make the weapons

Oh and Deathstriker(highest ranking member of Tempest) uses his Tempest name and despite being absolutely awful in every way refuses to deadname or misgender him

It's the one thing he'll ever appreciate Deathstriker doing

-------------------

This ain't even all the characters(obviously). There's still Kord Sydney, Chloe Jansen, and Neva Sydney, all of whom are still being developed. Deathstriker, and all the Cinomeds. Past Angels that will be relevant at different parts of the story. And many other characters that I've never even mentioned in the past.

Anywho fair warning, the series does not end quite that happily. I'm hoping to make the last chapter(an epilogue) to have a bittersweet feeling but idk I'm debating it.

Anyway if you got this far....

Thanks? I think? Idk I've never had anyone get this far I think in any original thing I've ever made- if you got this far tho here's some hearts cause I love you for taking some sort of interest in my personal creations 😅

💘💞💖💕💓💗❤💘💞💖💕💓💗❤💘💞💖💕💓💗❤💘💞💖💕💓💗❤💘💞💖💕💓💗❤💘💞💖💕💓💗❤💘💞💖💕💓💗❤💘💞💖💕💓💗❤💘💞💖💕💓💗❤

[age-sliding-flug]

FAQ/Q&A

Figured I outta do this, just so everyone knows my pronouns/so I can answer some questions in advance.

PERSONAL QUESTIONS

Q: What are your pronouns? A: He/Him, please.

Q: What’s your name? A: Harrison [REDACTED], but y’all can call me Harry :3

Q: How old are you? A: [REDACTED] (Not comfortable with sharing, but I am 18+)

Q: How long have you been writing? A: 6+ years; pretty much all fanfiction. Working on a few original projects, but I’ll probably never share them here.

Q: Why so secretive? A: I hate to admit it, but age-sliding isn’t exactly well received by most folks, as most people associate mental regression with DDLG/CGL sexual play, which is... problematic, to say the least. Also, I’m very shy. (I swear to fuck if any of you send my series to Alan, I will fucking kill you. I would die of embarrassment.)

Q: Is Harry even your real name? A: No, it’s not my most preferred name. I’m a trans guy, so I’m already coming up with a new name for myself; thought I’d experiment with one I liked on here, even if I already pretty much have my new name figured out. (And no, it’s not Harry as in Harry Potter, it’s Harry as in Harry Dresden from The Dresden Files)

Q: Do you age-slide? What even IS age-sliding? A: Yes, I do indeed age-slide, but it’s not as often as it used to be for me; a lot of this series is me low-key coping with my age-sliding issues. As for what age-sliding is, age-sliding is when someone- typically an adult/older teenager- will mentally regress. More often than not, this is due to trauma from the age-slider’s youth (such is the case with me), and is the mind’s attempt to return to what was perceived to be a simpler/safer time. It’s different for everyone, and can be on different levels of manageable/difficult to deal with.

Q: Why is your AO3 username BottomDeathstroke if you’ve only written Villainous fics on there? A: That account was never intended to be for this series- which wasn’t planned to even be a series to begin with- and was intended to be a place for me to write and post NSFW/unrelated mental regression DCU fanfiction (starring Deathstroke usually, because I love him). Once this series is done, I’ll probably post that sort of content on there, but for now Villainous has taken over my life.

Q: What’s your main account? Both on AO3 and Tumblr? A: [REDACTED] and [REDACTED]

Q: What did you think of Villainous’ pilot? A: I absolutely loved it! I actually wrote an alternate ending fic for it set in the AU, which you can check out here! The pilot is very good, please watch it on YouTube and support the people behind it!

Q: Are you okay with getting asks/questions/prompts? A: Absolutely! I’m always happy to answer people’s questions; whether they’re about age-sliding, the series, or just from a few curious anons!

Q: Can people do fanart? A: YES!!! A thousands times yes!!! Gosh, that would absolutely make my day! If you do any fanart, please either send me a link/submit it to me and I’ll make sure to check it out/post it on this blog! If you want to be labeled as anonymous through a submission, please let me know so that I can list you as such!

FIC/SERIES QUESTIONS

Q: Did any other fics inspire this one? A: Yes! “Spare the Rod and Spoil the Scientist” on AO3 by yucky was a HUGE inspiration for this series. I know they haven’t updated in awhile, but the fic in general is very good, and definitely has some elements that I really like! Please check it out if you can, and send the author your support!

Q: What made you start writing this fic series? A: TBH, I dunno. I had just moved to [REDACTED] at the time I started, and was feeling incredibly lonely (I also was just getting over 1+ year’s worth of writer’s block). I only intended the first fic to be a one off sorta deal, but to my surprise, people seemed to actually like it, so that gave me the courage to keep going and, well... I got thinking about the rules of this AU’s universe/added the Heroic Crew, and from there everything spiraled out of control.

Q: Where can I find your fic series? A: I plan on posting full descriptions/links on this blog at some point, but for now, here’s a link to my AO3 profile: BottomDeathstroke.

Q: How old is everyone in the fic series? A: Okay, lemme list the ages from oldest to youngest: Black Hat: 1000+ White Hat: 1000+ Clemencia: 32 Demencia: 31 Slug: 22 Flug: 18 505: 2 606: 2

Q: Is this series going to go on forever or is there a planned ending? A: All too often I see age-sliding/mental regression fics go on for a bit, only to suddenly stop updating, which is pretty disappointing tbh. I do plan on having a big finale (that’s gonna be one hell of an emotional roller-coaster), but that’s not for quite awhile, as I want to fulfill all my planned fics (Flug confronting his mom, talking about where tf Slug and Flug’s dad went, Black Hat and White Hat origins, Clemencia and Demencia babysitting, winter holiday special, Halloween special, Black Hat teaching Flug to play the piano, etc) as well as do a few requests/ideas for the readers.

Q: What’s the ending gonna be? A: ;3

Q: Why is Flug trans? A: Because I’m trans and projecting, next question.

Q: Any other LGBT+ headcanons for the cast? A: Uuuuuuuuuh, Clemencia’s a lesbian, Demencia and Black Hat are bi af, White Hat is pan, Slug is gay and in the closet, Flug and BH are both trans but handle it in very different ways, and 505 and 606 are... bears. Yeah. I also see Flug as ace, so there’s that. The projection is strong with him.

Q: How old are Black Hat and White EXACTLY? A: Fuck if I know. They’re supposed to be from the very dawn of man, but the few times I’ve mentioned their ages during different time periods, I’ve realized how much I’ve fucked myself over doing that. Does it really matter? Probably not, but I like to be organized and flesh out the universe, so I’m dying, y’all.

Q: Why so much world building? A: I dunno, it’s just the way I am. I like a precise set of rules within my stories, and I like to delve into the politics of that story out of sheer curiosity. Besides, I’ve always been a huge superhero/supervillain fan, so getting into how those professions would actually WORK in a developed universe is fun for me!

Q: Has canon content ruined anything for you? A: Not really, but it’s changed my theories for people quite a bit (particularly for BH’s origins and Flug’s backstory). I’ll admit, there are certain things that I sometimes wish I had done differently, if only to fit my current theories for where the series is heading. But I don’t regret the headcanons I used for this series, and I’m gonna stick to them throughout, even if I don’t believe all of them are true anymore! (Y’all can take trans Flug from my cold, head fucking hands, tho.)

Q: Why are you writing a Heroic backstory fic if they’re not even canon characters? A: First of all, they’re canon in my heart. Second of all, I just thought it would be fun to write, and it definitely has been! Writing it has been interesting to say the least (and an important lesson on why long WIPs are a bad idea for me, rip), but I don’t regret it, and I’m proud of how it’s going so far! Still, definitely looking forward to getting back to our villainous favorites.

Q: When ARE you getting back to the Villainous characters? A: Soon, I promise. In the meantime, I DID write a fic with them in it recently,. Which, again, you can check out over here, as it’s an alternate ending rewrite for the pilot episode. But yeah, they’ll be back soon, I just want to finish “Taming a Stray” first.

I think that’s it for now! Lemme know if you guys have anymore questions that need answering, and I’ll be sure to add them to this post (or answer separately)! Have a good day!

[the-ronan-cycle]

Diverse Book Recs

I recently typed up a list of books for a friend who said she’d stopped reading because she couldn’t find diverse/queer books. This list is predominately focused on queer diversity but there’s also lot’s of super awesome ladies and poc here too. The list is also in two parts, the first are all books that I’ve read myself and include me trying to give a summary, content warnings (If I can remember, I can’t guarantee they’re all exhaustive.) and a rating. The second part has books on my to read list that, to my knowledge, have queer characters. All of the titles are linked to their goodreads page.

I Was Born For This - Alice Oseman

A Hijabi ace fangirl goes to London on a week long trip to meet her internet friend and go to the concert of her favourite band. Jimmy, the trans, gay, mixed race, mentally ill singer for said band is figuring out how growing up famous has changed himself and his friends. They cross paths and stuff happens. A really interesting look into fan culture, both the good and the bad. Really fun characters and relationships. Written by the same person who does the Heartbreaker webcomic. CW: alcoholic behavior, brief mention of unintentional trans outing 4.5/5

The Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater

Welsh mythology meets small town Virginia. Gorgeous, poetic writing by Stiefvater tells the surreal story of a group of teenagers on the search for a lost welsh king and wish foretold if one wakes him. Along the way they discover the power of ley lines, dreams, and ~friendship~. One of the main characters (my favourite character) is canon queer (he’s into a girl and guy but like, the word bi isn’t explicitly said) and one of the other main characters is canon gay. It’s a difficult story to describe but it’s such a fascinating read. CW: child abuse, alcohol and drug abuse, there’s a scene in the second book that I think the author confirmed was sexual assault 5/5

Shades of Magic Series - V.E. Schwab

Avatar the last airbender meets pirates and royalty and multiverses. In this world there are 4 earths that intersect at London. Kell is one of the only two people who can travel between Londons. Grey London is our world, Red London is Kell’s, full of magic. White London is a wasteland barren of magic and ruled by bloodthirsty twins. Black London is dead. The main cast of Kell, Lila Bard, a pirate thief who gets caught up in the adventure, Rhy, the (gay? Bi? I forget lol) prince of Red London, and Alucard, (also gay? Or bi?) actual pirate have to save the multiverse! Lots of great subplots, written by a queer woman and impossible to put down. If you saw me with my kindle in class after winter last year, it was because I literally couldn’t stop reading. CW: frankly it’s been too long since I read it im sorry 5/5

Leah on the Offbeat/Simon vs the Homosapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli

Simon Vs is the book Love Simon is based on. Simon (gay) has a mystery pen pal, Blue. All he knows is that Blue also goes to Creekwood High and is gay. But Simon leaves the emails open on a school computer because he’s a dumbass and then also an ass but the bad kind, Martin finds them and blackmails Simon. It’s similar to the movie but I prefer the book! There are some scenes and plot points that didn’t make it in. Also his friends don’t suck as much when he’s outed. Leah on the OffBeat is the sequel about Simon’s friend, Leah. She’s bi! Simon thought all his friends were straight but jkjkjk gays flock together. Cute wlw high school story. CW: character is outed against their will, underage drinking  SVTHA 5/5 LOTO 4/5

The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue - Mackenzi Lee

Main character is a total slut and we support him. Bi and ready to party. But wait it’s the 1800s and that’s not super chill. In a final hurrah before he has to become master of his family estate, Henry Montague takes his best friend (gay and also ready to party) and, reluctantly, his little sister  (ace and ready to be a doctor) on a tour of the continent. Along the way they discover a plot and their trip turns upside down. There’s pirates! Period accurate medicine! Characters unlearning their prejudices! CW: Child abuse, period typical homophobia, sexism and racism 4/5

Captive Prince Trilogy - C.S. Pacat

hEAR ME OUT. This is probably my favourite series I’ve ever read. You’ve heard of enemies to lovers? Get ready for enemies to friends to lovers to enemies to allies to lovers! Crown Prince Damianos of Akielos is caught up in a coup lead by his half brother and sent to the enemy nation of Vere to be a pleasure slave for their crown prince, Laurent. Now here you think it’s gonna be some kinky sex romp but it actually becomes the best political intrigue with a thoughtful, loving, very vanilla romance. “If you gave me your heart, I would treat it tenderly”. Dw they only have sex after the whole slave thing is over. Also, they abolish slavery so there’s that. If you don’t like the first book,  I get it but just try the second book, the tone changes with the change of setting. The author does some really interesting stuff with her setting. Typically writers will just make society reflect our by default but Pacat threw that out, homophobia? Never heard of her. In Vere it’s actually taboo for men and women to have sex before marriage because of the threat of bastards. So everyone just is gay instead. You want a matriarchal warrior women country? Pacat has got your back. The series does lack in well written women. There are a few women but not enough, Pacat has talked about this and is basically like, u right, I’ll do better in my next series. Written by a queer WOC (kinda? Woc is the wrong word but just read these tweets where she describe it better than i ever could)  and I love it, the end. CW: child abuse, child sexual abuse, incest, rape, sex slavery, prostitution, graphic violence, non consensual drug consumption, child death, suicide, torture, animal death (also it should be obvious but none of these things are glorified, the abuser is the worst and he sucks and everyone hates him) 6/5

Carry On - Rainbow Rowell

Based on the Harry Potter parody series from Rowell’s book Fangirl. Simon Snow (doesn’t ever figure out his sexuality but had a girlfriend and boyfriend) is the chosen one, orphaned and brought to a magical boarding school, must save magical britain from evil. His best friend, book smart Penelope and his (possibly evil and a vampire? Also gay) roommate Baz must work together to defeat the humbug. This book has a really fantastic closed magic system and gives the character very clear limits. CW: rat death? 5/5

Queer There and Everywhere - Sarah Prager

A nonfiction book about 23 people throughout history that were both queer and very cool. From Frida Kahlo and Abraham Lincoln to the actual Danish Girl and Kristina Vasa, Prager dives into the lives of many historical figures who were also queer. A really wide gamut of women, men and nb, cis and trans, white and poc. Could have had more historical figures from the east. A fun, easy read. Made me cry, i want lesbian moms. 4/5

Huntress - Malinda Lo

It’s been a few years since I read this so bear with me. Cool magic girl main character and less magic but also cool other girl as well as a misfit group including the prince and a badass lady named shae (hell yeah) have to go into the fae world to right the magical imbalance of their world. Wlw, written by a queer woc CW: I don’t remember sorry 4/5

Outrun the Wind - Elizabeth Tammi

(I’m actually only half way through this) (Also it’s written by a mutual of mine on tumblr so that’s tight) A queer retelling of the greek myth of Atalanta. Atalanta (bi) is taken by the hunters of Artemis and has to help them defeat Apollo who’s being shitty. Wlw, written by a bi lady CW: animal death

Iron Breakers trilogy - Zaya Feli

Bastard Prince (queer), Ren, is happy to be out of the line of succession and just party it up but suddenly is framed for the murder of his brother and on the run along with a prisoner who escaped with him. Ren is faced with realities of y’know, not being a prince and decides to help save his country. Political intrigue with some twists I didn’t guess. MLM CW: slavery, graphic violence 4.5/5

All for the Game trilogy - Nora Sakavic

Think dark, queer, sports anime but with a co-ed team. Neil Josten (demi sexual- “which way do you swing? “I don’t?”) is on the run from his mob boss, murderer father and finds himself on the collegiate exy team of the palmetto foxes. Exy, a violent cross between lacrosse and soccer is Neil’s favourite thing but the team is made up of misfits. Neil has to survive both his father and the Raven’s (another exy team) owner, another mob boss, coming for him and his team. Super fast paced, very intense, after the first book I couldn’t put it down. The characters are all super interesting as are the relationships. Multiple mlm relationships, one briefly mentioned wlw couple CW: (o boy here we go) suicide, graphic violence, graphic torture, non consensual drug consumption, alcohol and drug abuse, prescription drug abuse, non consensual kissing, rape, child sexual abuse, sex work, mention of gay conversion therapy, discussion of self harm and self harm scars, child abuse 4.5/5

The Posterchildren - Kitty Burroughs

It’s been years since I read this so I really don’t remember much. It’s about a school for superheroes. Definitely wlw I don’t remember any else 4/5

Six of Crows Duology - Leigh Bardugo

A misfit group of criminals is hired to travel north to break into an impregnable prison. The cast of characters is lovable and the plot is fast paced. It’s set in the same universe as Bardugo’s first series but you don’t need to read them. (I did and they were ok but six of crows is better). Two of the main characters are mlm. CW: gore, graphic violence, child abuse 4.5/5

The Percy Jackson Series and Magnus Chase Series

I don’t need to describe these lol. PJO has two canon gay characters, the most recent series has lesbian and ace huntresses of artemis, and a bi main character. Magnus Chase has a non binary main character starting in the second book.

On My To-Read List:

Orlando - Virginia Woolf

I love her writing, it’s poetic without hurting my brain to read. This is a classic queer novel. It’s been said that Woolf wrote it as a “love letter” to Vita, her lover. The main character changes gender throughout the novel.

Stars in Her Eyes - Clare C. Marshall

I bought a copy of the first book in this series from the author at a convention last summer. It’s about a school for people with powers. I asked and apparently there’s a queer character but you don’t find out til the second book.

Ash - Malinda Lo

A wlw retelling of cinderella by the same author as Huntress.

The Academy Journals - Garrett Robinson

Apparently there’s trans, lesbian, gay, poly, ace, bi, pan! It’s about a magical school. It has really good reviews on goodreads so that’s promising

The Abyss Surrounds Us - Emily Skrutskie

There’s gay lady space pirates. Actually maybe not space? Idk i got space vibes

Vicious/Vengeful - V.E. Schwab

A story about moral greyness and supervillains. Kinda reminds me of Nimona tbh. I heard the main character is ace?

Our Bloody Pearl - D.N. Brynn

There’s mermaids, and pirates, and it’s gay apparently. The main character uses they them pronouns I think.

Breaking Legacies - Zoe Reed

Fantasy wlw by a trans dude (i think? They went through some sort of gender transition but i can’t find their pronouns)

The Dark Wife - S.E. Diemer

A wlw retelling of Hades and Persephone

The High Court Series - Megan Derr

Fantasy political intrigue mlm and I was told the main character is trans

Btw my rating system was basically:

4/5=i enjoyed reading it and would recommend it but probably wouldn’t read it again

4.5/5=I really liked it and would probably reread it

5/5= i love it, i either have or plan to reread it

[hella-aro]

Allosexual aromantic survey results

Hello! Here are the results of the survey I ran asking a few questions to allosexual aromantic people. I’m putting the data, together with a couple things I have to say, under the cut in order not to make this post too long. Just to be clear, the size sample is not very big, and since the survey link was only posted on tumblr, results will not necessarily be indicative of the whole community.

The first question was there as control. It asked if people were aromantic and allosexual, and if the person selected “no”, it took them at the end of the survey. Out of a total of 535 responses, there were 53 “no”s, which means the number of people who actually participated goes down to 482.

To the question, What is you romantic orientation?, out of 482 people

- 267 (55.4%) identified as aromantic

- 174 (36.1%) identified as arospec (demi, grey, etc.)

- 41 (8.5%) answered questioning

To, What is your gender identity?, out of 482 people

- 206 (42.5%) identified as cis women

- 72 (14.9%) identified as nonbinary

- 45 (9.3%) identified as trans men

- 33 (6.8%) identified as genderfluid

- 28 (5.8%) identified as agender

- 27 (5.6%) answered questioning

- 25 (5.2%) identified as cis men

- 20 (4.1%) identified as demigender

- 3 (0.6%) identified as trans women

These were the options I had given in the survey, in addition to this, 4 (0.8%) people identified as bigender, 3 (0.6%) people identified as nonbinary trans men, and 2 (0.4%) people identified as genderqueer. Other gender identities people included were bigender/genderqueer, guy (don’t want to disclose if trans), bigenderfluid, demigirl/demiboy, does not label gender, utrinque girl, fluidflux, nb/agender/transmasc/queer, neutrois, genderqueer multigender, neurogender, agenderflux, genderless woman, transmasculine genderqueer, all of which got 1 response each.

To, What is your sexual orientation?, out of 482 people

- 154 (32%) identified as bisexual

- 98 (20.3%) identified as pansexual

- 59 (12.2%) identified as heterosexual

- 41 (8.5%) answered questioning

- 39 (8.1%) answered I do not label my sexual orientation

- 31 (6.4%) identified as lesbian

- 19 (3.9%) identified as gay

- 10 (2.1%) identified as abrosexual

- 5 (1%) identified as polysexual

These were the options I had given, in addition to this 3 (0.6%) people identified as queer. Other identities were pansexual but multiple microlabels apply, androsexual/queer, toric, questioning grey-bisexual, homosexual but not comfortable using lesbian because of other attractions, homosexual, straight or queer with a strong preference for men or abrosexual, questioning bi/gay/ace, anyone except girls, questioning lesbian, omnisexual, both bi and ply, a combination of bi and pan, queer/questioning, fluctuating, all of which received 1 response each. One response was transphobic, and I will therefore not share it.

In addition, 7 (1.4%) people gave answers for identities that were part of the asexual spectrum (specifically, demi-bi, propeestsexual, pan-akoisexual, asexual, demisexual, acespike, greysexual), now while I have not erased any of these responses, as I suppose these people had their reason to take part in this survey and the number is low enough to not significantly skew the results, I would like to ask ace people to please, let allosexual aromantics have their own things. Aromanticism and asexuality are already very conflated, and while obviously aroace people deserve to be heard so do allo aro people. Can we please make our stuff, thank you? (More on this, towards the end)

On another note, the total percentage of m-spec people (counting bi, pan, ply people and those who put their own m-spec labels as well) is 55% of the total. This means statistically the most represented group in the survey was cis multisexual women.

To, Do you experience other types of attraction other than sexual?, out of 479 people

- 376 (78.5%) stated they feel platonic attraction

- 361 (75.4%) stated they feel aesthetic attraction

- 246 (51.4%) stated they feel sensual attraction

- 156 (32.5%) stated they feel alterous attraction

- 39 (8.1%) stated they don’t feel any of the above or don’t find them meaningful

In addition, three people stated they were unsure, one person stated they feel emotional attraction, one person stated they feel kindred spirit attraction, one person stated they feel queerplatonic attraction, one person stated they cannot conceptualize those attractions. One person has given a description of the way they feel attraction which I’ll quote, “I feel like it's a triangle spectrum, with aesthetic/sexual/romantic attraction on the corners, and sensuous/alterous/platonic somewhere in that triangle”. Keep in mind people were allowed to choose more than one of these, so the total numbers are higher than the number of respondents

To, If you experience any of the mentioned attraction, are they more or less important to you than your sexual attraction?, out of 460 people

- 221 (48%) said they are about equally important

- 174 (37.8%) said their other attraction(s) are more important to them than their sexual attraction

- 65 (14.1%) said their sexual attraction is more important to them than their other attraction(s)

To, If you experience any of the mentioned attractions, do they align with your sexual attraction?, out of 462 people

- 183 (39.6%) stated they don’t find it meaningful to label their other attractions

- 124 (26.8%) stated that some of them do, others don’t

- 121 (26.2%) stated that they are aligned

- 34 /7.4%) stated that they are not aligned

To, Do you feel the way you experience sexuality is different from that of an alloromantic person due to your aromanticism?, out of 482 people

- 303 (62.9%) said yes

- 143 (29.7%) said maybe

- 36 (7.5%) said no

To, Do you think your aromanticism made it difficult to identify your sexual orientation or viceversa?, out of 482 people

- 246 (51%) said experiencing sexual attraction made it harder to identify their aromanticism

- 126 (26.1%) said being aromantic made it harder to identify their sexual attraction

- 57 (11.8%) said they didn’t know

- 53 (11%) said they didn’t have issues like this

To, Do you feel your aromanticism or you sexual attraction is more important than the other?, out of 481 people

- 253 (52.6%) said they are about equally important

- 167 (34.7%) said their aromanticism is more important

- 61 (12.7%) said their sexual attraction is more important

To, Do you feel connected to the community of your sexual orientation?, out of 480 people

- 204 (42.5%) said yes, sometimes

- 99 (20.6%) said no, because of my aromanticism

- 90 (18.8%) said yes, always

- 87 (18.1%) said no, because of reasons unrelated to my aromanticism

To, Do you feel connected to the aromantic community?, out of 480 people

- 217 (45.2%) said yes, sometimes

- 170 (35.4%) said yes, always

- 71 (14.8%) said no, because of reasons unrelated to my sexuality

- 22 (4.6%) said no, because of my sexuality

Out of the people who said they don’t feel connected to the community of their sexuality due to their aromanticism, 45.5% stated they feel connected to the aromantic community sometimes, 36.4% feel always connected with it, while 10.1% don’t feel connected to it due to reasons unrelated to their sexuality. 8.1% said they don’t feel connected with it due to their sexuality.

On the other side, out of people who said they don’t feel connected to the aromantic community due to their sexuality, 40.9% said they feel connected to the community of their sexual orientation sometimes, 18.2% felt always connected with it, while 4.5% don’t feel connected to it due to reasons unrelated to their aromanticism. 36.4% said they don’t feel connected with it due to their aromanticism.

Now, a not: before I share data for the last two questions, I have to say that I made a mistake in how I made them. These questions asked people if someone ever assumed things about them due to them being aromantic and allosexual, however I did not ask beforehand if people had come out or not. Because of this, the answers also include those of people who never came out, who obviously have never had anything assumed about them upon doing so. I apologize for this mistake, once I realized it I had already received a high number of responses and couldn’t change it at that point. I’ll report the percentages I got, but remember the numbers are not completely correct.

To, Have you ever been accused of being predatory due to being allosexual aromantic?, out of 480 people

- 209 (43.5%) said no, never. This number also includes people who never came out

- 118 (24.6%) said yes, once or twice

- 94 (19.6%) said unsure

- 59 (12.3%) said yes, many times

To, Have you ever had anyone assume your levels of sexual activity due to being allosexual aromantic?, out of 479 people

- 196 (40.9%) said no, never. This number also includes people who never came out

- 116 (24.2%) said unsure

- 91 (19%) said yes, once or twice

- 76 (15.9%) said yes, many times

The last part of the survey asked people if they had additional comments to leave. I won’t copy paste all of them, otherwise this post would get terribly long, but I’ll give a basic rundown.

First of all, many people stated that being allosexual and aromantic leads them to being stereotyped as cold, selfish and sex-obsessed, and some said they refrain from engaging in sexual relationships even when they would want one because they are scared they will be expected to develop feelings for their partner. At the same time, some allosexual aros feel excluded from lgbt+/queer spaces. This hasn’t just come from heterosexual aros, but from otherwise queer aros as well, because they feel they will fall under the stereotype of the “bad” sexually promiscuous queer. I’ll give examples:

- even though i would like to have sexual relationships i’m afraid to pursue any because i’m worried the person will think i want to approach them romantically as well or i’ll accidentally lead someone on because they’ll think i have feelings for them so i don’t have sex with anyone and it makes me question my sexuality too because then it’s like “well if you’re afraid to have sex with anyone do you even really want to in the first place” so that’s my biggest issue currently if that helps 

- being straight (or generally perceived as straight; it's really hard to tell because my different types of attraction make it really hard to tell and it's generally easier to find male partners) and arospec makes me feel unwanted by both groups. Around non queer people I have to hide being aro to keep from being accused of being abusive or "just a whore". I've gotten accusations like "you only like me for sex" after coming out. Around other queer people I'm told I'm unwelcome and feel like I have to provide a thesis on my experiences and a stamp from like, the queer pope or something in order to be considered and even then I'm told to get raped and die. I feel like there's nowhere I belong, despite feeling connected to the queer community because it feels like that's where I'm supposed to belong. 

- I had a hard time realising what my sexual orientation was because of being aro AND being sexually attracted to people made understanding I was aro harder. I don't always feel connected to being gay and a part of that community Because I'm aro; I constantly feel unwelcome and "unallowed" to be there, and I constantly feel as if I'm considered one of the bad impure gays because of stereotypes of allo aro people. I feel as if I'm constantly erased by both non aspecs and other aspecs because of being allosexual and aro. the arguments to exclude me never even include me. I'm told "not wanting to fuck" isn't queer, and I'm also told that having sexuality while being queer is homophobic. I'm not thought of but I also am shamed and excluded. it's awful. Also, I'm gay, but my aromanticism has caused me far more problems, and aro problems are never talked about. I feel so invisible.

I’ve also received three different comments which can all be summed up as bi aro people feeling like the stereotypes around bisexual people and allosexual aro people align very closely, therefore feeling as if they are “bad” bi people.

At the same time, multiple people have expressed that they feel alienated from the aro community because they feel aroace voices are far louder than allo aros. Some people have even said that some people refuse to believe them when they say they are aromantic and allosexual because they see aromanticism being always connected to aceness. Examples:

- the reason i sometimes dont click with the ato community is because to me it feels like the biggest part are aroace people and they are the most vocal. and it feels like i lose my voice then. unless im in a non ace group.

- I feel that my attractions are all really deeply connected,  which i think may be at least partually due to my aromanticim. Like i think i connect aesthetic, platonic, and sexual attraction in a similar way to the connection an alloromantic allosexual might have between romantic and sexual attraction. This is not 100% of the time, though, and while i usually dont get squishes on people i am not sexually and/or aesthetically attracted to, i can still form platonic relationships with people i am not aesthetically or sexually attracted to just as easily. (im pretty young so i dont have experience with the other two (what would an aesthetic relationship be anyway lmao)). Also, on the subject of people assuming things based on the fact im an allo aro, i do have a lot of people assuming im ace based on the fact im aromantic. Oftentimes they will even forget that i told them i was aro in the first place, but remember the fact that I am supposedly “ace”, which i never said. This fact makes me rather uncomfortable, and also partially leads me to somehow having more of a connection to the term allosexual than any of the many sexual orientations ive tried labelling myself with. I dont know if this is problematic or not, but “Allosexual aromantic” is the way i think of my identity for the most part, not simply aro.

I had originally planned to not put personal comments on this post, but I find I must say something now. This is an, interesting situation, we could say. There are both allo aros who have been stereotyped as too sexual, and allo aros whose allosexuality has been completely erased. While the first situation plays into a lot of other issues, when it comes to the second I would like to ask aroace people: please, please, boost allo aros voices. I know many aroaces have said that they’ve felt erased by the ace community, try to not have the same happen in the aro community. Some aroace people are extremely supportive of allo aros, of course, but I find I can’t disagree when people say overall allo aros are very sidelined in the community.

To move on, a couple arospec people have said they didn’t feel included in the allo aro community on grounds of not feeling that their arospec identity is considered aro enough.

- The times I don’t feel connected to bi/pansexual community (I use both terms) are when romanticism is highlighted (e.g., “love is love,” “hearts not parts” – which is problematic for several reasons anyways). The times I don’t feel connected to aro community don’t have to do with my sexual orientation, but with being quoiromantic.  Sometimes people want to draw a hard line between aro and alloro folks, and I just can’t sort myself into either category.

Again, fellow aros, let’s support arospecs a little more.

And other than this, there have been people who have elaborated on how their aromanticism or allosexuality have made it harder to identify the other. Such as:

- An additional answer to the question about sexuality/aromanticism influencing the realization of each other: I'm exclusively attracted to one gender, and when I was first questioning one of the first things I noticed is that my romantic and sexual orientations didn't line up - there was such a clear, distinct difference between my attraction to men and other genders, but there was no such preference when considering the possibility of a romantic relationship, and so on one hand it made it more confusing for sure, but also established early on that my romantic orientation wasn't something typical, which did help out in a way too; this is a pretty unique experience I feel like, applying pretty much only to single gender-attracted aros, but I thought I would share it anyway!

- I struggled a lot between deciding if I could be a lesbian if I didn’t find myself romantically attracted to all girls, but was sexually attracted to most. I assumed it was misogyny and that I would grow out of it. That was not the case but coming to terms with that was hard. 

- Because of our aromanticism, i feel like many people don't know who they are sexually attracted to and it leads to confusion for many years. Heck, I still don't really know who I want to have sex with! 

- It wasn't until my mid twenties that I even learned aromanticism existed. I spent many years, especially in college, thinking that I was somehow broken and wrong because I couldn't love my partners like others did. I still find it way too easy to slip back into that mentality.

Finally, here’s a couple comments that brought up points no one else did:

- I'm also a relationship anarchist and just recently in that community someone said that "romantic attraction" is nothing but a con, it doesn't exist, and alloromantic and aromantic people are just dealing with the consequences of that fake idea in different ways. I felt invalidated as fuck.

- I don’t know what alterous is. Also I feel it’s important to mention that I personally consider my romantic identity connected to my autism as I view romance as an aspect of socialization. Thank you.

And that, folks, is all. I hope someone has found this interesting.

[gaslightgatekeepgodot]

A (sizeable) rant/essay concerning my experiences in the Tumblr JJBA fandom.

None of you asked to hear this, but I’m getting pretty pissed off at some people in particular (I will not name names, though I may heavily implicate some people) and it’s finally started to kinda spill over. So I’m letting it spill; take it or leave it.

I’m... Fairly irate at the moment, and writing out my feelings does tend to help me calm down in situations like this, so if I was going to put this anywhere the best place for it is probably on the public internet. Again, take it or leave it: this is the internet, you don’t have to interact with me if this concerns you or your ideals. Just click that handy little block button on my profile and you never have to see little Nat mouthing off again.

If you want me to summarise (I know not everyone wants/is able to read a fluffed-up pillar of text) or explain my reasoning behind anything I’ve said below the cut, feel free to direct message me here or on Discord @nati bati yi#1462. Once I get this off my chest I’ll be more than willing to chat to people about it. <3

(Before I say anything else, this is not intended to be a callout in any way, shape or form. I don’t mention the specific names of anybody, and the actions I do mention here will only point to specific people if you know them too. Anyone on the outside should have zero idea of who anyone I bring up is; I do not want anyone to get harassed over this, and I very much do not want to start drama - that’s what inspired me to go off and write this hunk of garbage in the first place. I’m just... Sick to death of the fandom as a whole.)

Anyway. Here we go.

From what I’ve been able to tell, being in this fandom for just under a year now, there are two main halves to it: the gay-hating, stale-meme-parroting dudebro side, who seem to mostly congregate around YouTube and Reddit, and... Whatever the side based on Tumblr (and probably now Twitter) is. I don’t spend a lot of time on Reddit, so naturally I’ve been more exposed to the Tumblr side of the fandom, and after experiencing the ideals some people here want to force on other people I’ve come to the conclusion I’d almost rather be immersed in the bigoted dudebro side. And I say this as an ace-spec/gay trans man.

I’ll start with the blocklist.

I think most of us on Tumblr came to the conclusion that the blocklist was utter bullshit, but I did see a few people in a Discord server I have since left (I will expand on this later) defending the reasoning behind some ships being on there, citing the fact they had been abused in a relationship with a similar age gap. I can definitely see why that would bother a person, and I do not want to erase the fact that people have been and will be abused in similar relationships, but you can’t project your singular experience onto every fictional, non-canon character relationship and every person who ships it. For one, not every relationship is going to turn out the same just because it meets this one criteria of “the age gap is too big”, and, also, you don’t have to write fiction to totally reflect reality. You are in full creative control. Maybe if the characters were real people they wouldn’t click, but if you’re drawing a picture or writing a fanfic you don’t have to go along with that. You can write them so that they’re good to each other, while still keeping it in character. Araki has said that Jotaro and Kakyoin’s personalities don’t work together very well, and that they wouldn’t have become friends or even spoken to each other if Jotaro wasn’t a Stand user... But Jotaro/Kakyoin just happens to be the most-written about JJBA ship on AO3. Me? I love Jotakak. It’s about the only thing I do ship. And I’ve read some quite frankly amazing fanfiction where the two boys are paired and they work together, and it’s still very much in character. Of course, I’m very much against loli/shota content or content depicting characters who don’t look very old- if someone drew Koichi in a sexual situation I would be pissed as all hell, but I don’t have to engage with that content any further. I can just filter out the tag/block the OP and move on. You don’t need to make a fuss and tell/imply to people that they are paedophilic for enjoying well-written content where a 17-year-old is in a healthy relationship with a 22-year-old, platonic or otherwise.

My second point brings in some of the things I’ve learned while studying media this past year. My main point here: not everyone in an audience is the same. There is a reason differential decoding and the uses and gratifications theory exist. The uses and gratifications theory states, at its most basic, that the audience of a media text is active, not passive; i.e. they are not just absorbing every piece of data thrown at them by the text they are consuming, and they are consuming different media to satisfy a need- for JJBA, that need could be entertainment, escapism, identifying with a character similar to yourself or to give you something to talk about with your friends. Differential decoding arises when someone consuming a piece of the media does not entirely go along with the creator’s preferred reading of it- an example might be how a sizeable amount of people enjoy villainous or “disgusting” characters such as Dio, Cioccolata, Stroheim or Melone, when they were clearly written in canon to be abhorrent, unlikable people for varying reasons. I can also say that, because the audience is active, and consume media based on their personal needs, that somebody writing fanfic of a ship you don’t like isn’t going to make incest or paedophilia more socially acceptable. I don’t consume that content, because I don’t feel the need to. Sure, real paedos might, but they’re a minority. Just because a couple hundred people or so read a fanfic on the free web where a grown adult does the dirty with a little kid, doesn’t mean to say everyone in the world will suddenly start thinking it’s ok. Mention it to any sane person in real life and they will not like that idea any more than you do.

And my third point is more a personal thing than anything else, but there is a community I used to be part of (and was part of almost from the beginning) where I didn’t feel welcome because of people causing drama over things like what I mentioned above. I started multiple discourses entirely by accident by saying I didn’t understand why everyone though X ship was horribly problematic and worth getting mad at people over. I still don’t feel like anyone deserves to be harassed over characters and ships they enjoy, but that doesn’t mean to say I support all of it. Along with generally feeling ignored by a lot of the moderators of that server, as well as their friends, I was just sick to death of how they seemed to single out some certain people to say, “hey, don’t do this” when other people seemed exempt. I was verbally warned for posting innuendos in a general chat (but it’s not like I could anywhere else on the server, because I’m not 18 yet), but at least once every day I would see two people flirting in-character in whatever channel they happened to meet in, and it never seemed to be in a roleplay channel- I couldn’t see into NSFW to check if they did it there too, but the fact it would leak out into gen concerned me. They would throw innuendo after innuendo at each other, and they never seemed to stop, or be told to stop. Yes, I could have messaged the moderators to say it made me uncomfy, but one of them was a moderator themselves, so I felt a little out my element doing so. 

Another thing that bothered me is when I tried to join an offshoot of that server for kin, and the admin - I assume - of said offshoot server messaged me (with some other conversation concerning it in between) that, despite the fact I only wanted in to help me figure out what it meant to me, I wasn’t allowed in because somebody was uncomfy with doubles. I completely understand that, but I had spoken to the only person it could have been (I wasn’t given a name, but it wasn’t difficult to figure out who it was) multiple times about that character and how similar we were- hell, we had even roleplayed together as doubles of that character and no problems were ever expressed to me. If anything it seemed like we left off in a spot we could have carried on from later. It might not have been intended that way, but being told I wasn’t allowed in there made me feel excluded from the community nonetheless, especially because I’d had a few people tell me the night before that they wanted more people in there and that I’d be totally welcome. I was also told, before any of this happened, that the same person blocked a friend of mine in another server for going on a small rant about how they didn’t like the way Josuke acted in the episode where he plays dice with Rohan and ends up burning his house down, because they kin Josuke..? At least, that’s what was relayed to me.

But, hey ho, it’s all behind me now. I won’t lie; I don’t really plan on ever going back. I don’t want to engage anymore, because it makes me uncomfortable and anxious thinking about it, so I most likely will unfollow most (if not all) of the blogs pertaining to that community tonight. I do have a few people still there who I miss speaking to, but I’ve DM’d all of them on Discord at least once since I’ve left and talked to them about either how I miss them or something entirely unrelated to the server. I’d like to talk more with them, but DMs are always awkward for me to begin with... I have a feeling they might not want to talk after reading this, and I think I’m ready to accept that? Might be difficult not being able to scream about fanfic as much, but I won’t impose on anyone if my presence makes them uncomfy. I don’t want to be that guy.

I’ll say it again: now that I’ve got this off my chest and subsequently calmed down a lot, I’m more than willing to talk about any of it. Just shoot me a message on Discord and I’ll reply when I’m able and feeling up to talking about it again. For now I’m probably just going to go back to pissing about on Flight Rising or play Smash or something

[aroworlds]

"own subjects where my activism is far more emotional. (Like the word “a-spec”, for example) "? You caught my curiosity

Lines like that, anon, are dangerous in giving me free rein to ramble on at you all!

I’m not sure if you’re asking me why I feel the subject be emotional or my feelings about the word, so I’ll assume the first but provide a quick explanation of the second: I was making an oblique reference to the idea that “a-spec” is an autistic-only term that shouldn’t be used by ace-specs and aro-specs, something I cannot abide as an autistic a-spec and discussed (angrily) last week. I have no problem with the word “a-spec” as I use it on all my blogs (you can take it out of my cold, dead hands!), just the idea that it is a thing in need of debating.

(I’ve a less-angry discussion about the angry post here, too, that adds a little more detail.)

In summary, I think the idea that “a-spec” is an autistic term, promoted by allistics, is the act of using autistics as pawns in exclusionist hands to silence a-specs from a unifying term we need and autistics don’t. In claiming the word is an autistic one and shouldn’t be used, allistic exclusionists are ignoring the autistic language and culture that does exist (based around reclaiming identity-first terms) while simultaneously denying a-specs a-spec language and culture.

In using one of my identities against the other, they’re erasing both.

It angers me so much because it’s still treated as a debate, as though the pain it causes me as an autistic aro is abstract–and this is tied so much to my experiences with other intersections of ableism and amatonormativity. Both these things provoke emotional responses in me, and when they overlap, I am very much not calm about it. It’s not something I can reframe as absurdity; I am my emotions and they’re that muddled space of anger and hurt.

I don’t feel more supported as a trans/NB/pansexual person–it does a disservice to the harm wrought by cissexist, exorsexist and monosexist people and “discourse” in LGBTQIA+ spaces, and I won’t minimalise that. I do feel, though, that amongst many reasonable and progressive people (on Tumblr at least), those attitudes are regarded as hateful, and while plenty of exorsexism still reaches me, it’s more often answered. The hate I get on these points is more often directly, horrifically, dangerously vile, but I feel more of an acknowledgement from my broader communities that such attitudes are vile, and often that’s just enough to keep going.

Ableism, though, even in spaces otherwise progressive, feels to me like amatonormativity and a-spec antagonism (especially aro antagonism) in something that is so unquestioned and overlooked. When it’s mentioned, people seem to regard responding to it as an inconvenience, irrelevant. Ableism is so often reduced to readily-understood concepts like maybe not using the R-slur and sometimes things like image descriptions, but the many, subtle ways one can be ableist for so many shapes of disability, never mind struggles like competing/conflicting access needs, are so often dismissed. No hatred is meant so it doesn’t matter.

I don’t think I need to lecture you all on the subtlety of amatonormativity and aro erasure; we’ve all endured it, this feeling that the things that hurt and diminish us aren’t worth bothering about–just as so many shapes of ableism aren’t deemed worth bothering about. Just as folks are so unwilling to provide fully accessible content or reframe their language, folks are unwilling to support aro-specs in any access needs we have with regards romance and erasure.

Ableism and amatonormativity make me feel the most dehumanised and erased, because here I feel that people who should be my own still don’t want to see or support me. Ableism and amatonormativity feel to me like things even otherwise-progressive people don’t want to acknowledge or explore. My disabilities aren’t always invisible, but they’re not always visible either, and so much of ableism and amatonormativity both is not as simply-understood or obvious as not using certain slurs. For me, trying to explain why “-phobia” causes harm when nobody uses the word to intentionally hurt me feels like trying to explain why the truth of most works ending in a romantically happy-ever-after causes harm.

(I’ve seen posts about aromantics and polyamorous folks supporting each other based on our being targets of amatonormativity, but I think aromantics and neurodiverse folks, especially on subjects like dehumanisation and the way love and empathy are treated as normal, have a natural kinship in how what we don’t feel is used to diminish us, and I’d love to see more discussion about this. I do wonder if this is why the best conversations I’ve had about not using -phobia have been in the aro-spec community. Certainly I’ve found more willingness to consider and understand than I have elsewhere, and I think that speaks to that kinship.)

I think part of this anger happens because people tend to explain at me in response–explain why “-phobia” isn’t a problem, explain why “a-spec” is an autistic word, even though I have discussed both from the position of an autistic with phobias. Because these fine points of language are less understood as being based in explicit, intentional ableism or antagonism (hatred), I believe others read them as acceptable, good-faith debate points in a way “trans people are their AGAB” is only “debated” by someone a world away from good faith. I’ve seen people respond to soulmates being amatonormative in the same way–it’s as though they’re archived in some abstract section of people’s understanding, that these aren’t our lives and experiences and pain being dissected.

Our pain is ignored as relevant because it isn’t seen as real.

The people we’re so often fighting are good, progressive people, with no intent to cause harm or deliberate hatred, operating from legitimate good faith. And they’re breaking us. Ableism and amatonormativity are so unacknowledged that there’s no widespread understanding that our pain isn’t an interesting debate point, that a lot of what we’re fighting isn’t direct, intentional or obvious antagonism–and it is ableism and amatonormativity that tells people, ourselves included, that these things are not worth acknowledging.

I have to fight my own internalisation of ableism and amatonormativity to fight someone else’s ableism and amatonormativity of considering ableism and amatonormativity a simple debate topic.

The last ask I got that told me -phobia constructions was fine to use made me cry. I was wrecked by it, because I’d explained my reasoning several times that week, and while there was nothing rude in the ask itself, debating the merits of something I said hurt me was horrible–especially when I had to keep on saying the words, also rendered difficult by my chronic pain. And while I’ve had too few spoons to comment as I should and wish to, @herefortheacenaro has been fighting wonderfully against more ableism on the subject of not using -phobia this past fortnight, and I can only imagine the exhaustion felt now, knowing how much it broke me.

So, anon, while I can handle direct antagonism with much more confidence, because I have enough certitude to dismiss it as hatred, the calm, quiet, polite-seeming ways of turning the unseen pains of my life into a debate topic, particularly if it comes with able-splaining or allo-splaining (and they often do) are the acts of ableism and amatonormativity that break me.

And when they come together, I’m scrambling to know how handle it.

[team-free-squiggle]

One word and one word only: petricore

Awwww Alex thanks so much!!! ~~Verse: canon

Prompt: above

Characters: Deceit Sanders, Logan Sanders

Pairings: none, platonic Loceit

Warnings: (sympathetic) Deceit as a character, being outed accidentally, mentions of some a-hole being rude about another person’s gender

~~

“Hey, Dee?” Logan asked, making the embodiment of lies look up from his book. Deceit set the book down, looking Logic in the eyes.

“Yes, Logan? What is it not?” He asked, not curious at all. Logan looked nervous, which sent some warning bells off in Deceit’s head. 

“Well, did you see what happened today with Joan?” Deceit shook his head and sighed. Yes, he had seen the hateful comment towards Thomas’ best friend about their respective gender. Everyone in the mindscape had been upset about it, although Joan had already reassured Thomas several times that they were okay.

“So that’s a yes?” Logan asked. 

“No.” Deceit replied, glaring at the floor.

“Great. So anyway, it made me go looking in the library for knowledge on different genders to calm down.” Deceit shook his head again, making Logan continue.

“And there I found something interesting. I summoned all the books on gender, and then, after reading them all, another book floated down without me summoning it. I opened it, naturally, and found that it was about the sides. Turns out, we all have different sexualities and genders.” Deceit froze.

“I asked the others if they were fine about being open about this now, and they all said it’s okay to talk about it, so do you want to know?” Deceit shook his head no, truly (for once) hoping that only the others were in that book of Logan’s.

“So, Patton is pan. Which, kinda makes sense, him being the heart and loving everybody.” Deceit smiled, once again being honest. It did make sense, Logan was right about that.

“Roman is about as gay as they come. Which is a surprise to no one. He’s also genderfluid, so there’s that. By the way, he can totally rock a princess gown.” Logan smirked, making Deceit giggle. Logan smiled warmly at Deceit, before continuing on.

“Remy, is also gay, and he’s trans. He’s always been open about that, though.” Deceit shook his head no again, signalling that he was agreeing with Logan.

“Virgil is a demiboy, and bi for boys and enbys. Girls are really no one’s forte, except for friendship.” Logan smiled, Dee nodding along. Virgil did like he/him pronouns, but sometimes he had seemed uncomfortable with them. So it made sense to Dee that he was a demiboy.

“Me, I’m a gay ace.” Logan smirked. Dee nodded thoughtfully, smirking right back at Logan with all the lack of confidence he was feeling.

“What did your book not have to say about me?” Dee asked, needing to know. Logan’s expression softened, making Deceit more and more terrified by the second.

“That you are a demifluid enby, and that you would never trust us with the fact that you feel more feminine than masculine most of the time.” Logan spoke softly. 

The instinct of self preservation for one Thomas Sanders bolted right out the mindscape’s front door, running into the field beyond their little house that Roman had created. 

It was raining. Deceit really couldn’t care less. He didn’t care that it was muddy, that he was slipping and sliding. The thunder didn’t make him jump, and there was no lightning to blind him.

Deceit ran until he couldn’t run anymore. He paused. And then he ran some more.

“THEY KNOW THEY KNOW THEY KNOW THEY KNOW THEY KNOW!!!” Was repeating over and over in his head, no other thoughts entering there except that he had to get away. 

Deceit kept running, past and past his limits until he collapsed. 

He was in the middle of a clearing in a forest, gasping for breath. He distantly noted that the rain had stopped somewhere along the way, but it was still wet.

The only difference was that now he could smell the petrichor.

He was breathing too heavily, his heart rate too high. But maybe, he lied to himself, maybe he was far enough away.

Deceit knew he wasn’t, especially when he heard a calm voice behind him.

“Dee…?” It was Logan.

“Come here.” He groaned. He meant, of course away, stay away. But he knew Logan would totally listen to him. He always did.

“Please, Dee, I didn’t mean to freak you out. I just - I wanted to see if it was true.” Logan implored. Deceit somehow found the strength to stand, turn, and glare at the Logical Side.

“See if it was true? What, me changing gender every 5 seconds is good enough for you? What, me wishing to use they/them pronouns is good enough for you? Me wanting to wear pretty dresses but also suits and ties is good enough for you? I am freaking good enough for you?” Deceit shouted angrily. He was sick of it all.

It was one too many people who had said nonbinary wasn’t a real gender. It was too many people who used the wrong pronouns. It was too many times wishing to tell the others who he was only to be shot down because he’s the embodiment of lies.

It was Logan finding out who he was in a book that Deceit didn’t know existed, a book that told the logical side everything about him without his permission.

It was Deceit, finally forced to come to terms that he wasn’t like any of the other Sides, and worried about being shunned for it. So he did what he does best. Lie. Hide. Stay away.

Only now, thanks to that book, none of those strategies would suffice.

“Deceit. You know we accept you for who you are, right?” Logan asked, gently and slowly putting his hand on Deceit’s shoulder. 

Deceit glared. “You could totally accept me for doing my job. Why would I think any differently about my gender?” He spat harshly. Logan winced.

“We do accept you for who you are. We don’t necessarily like the job you do, but we don’t mind you as a person, Dee. You are not just lies. I am not just Logic. We are our own entities with our own thoughts and feelings and overall we accept each other even if our jobs make it rather difficult at first.” Logan glared right back at Deceit, trying to make him understand.

Deceit scoffed, making Logan sigh. Logan looked around in thought, then perked up.

“Dee, do you hate the rain just because it makes you wet?” Logan asked.

Dee smirked. “…no.” Logan sighed, rolling his eyes.

“The rain gets you wet because that is it’s job. You might not like it for that, but, take a look at the world around you. It’s not all bad. Without the rain, we wouldn’t get flowers blooming or the scent of petrichor.” Logan smiled.

“In this case, you are the rain. And I actually have always loved petrichor. It’s… truly beautiful. Rain can create beautiful things.”

Deceit looked up shocked. “So you do hate me?”

Logan smiled gently and shyly. “Of course we don’t hate you, Dee. You’re a part of the FamILY.” Logan opened his arms for a hug, and Deceit took the invitation with great enthusiasm.

And as they hugged there, Deceit began to wonder. Maybe he was, really and truly, a part of the FamILY.

And that thought made him smile as the scent of petrichor drifted around them, making them feel safe and calm with each other. 

~~

Tag list below cut

Tag List

(Sanders Sides)

@astraastro

@madly-handsome

@amber1594  

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[queenieofaces]

To build an unimaginable future (or, Queenie is way too jazzed about queer futurity)

This post has been cross-posted to The Asexual Agenda.

This post was written for the April 2018 Carnival of Aces on “All the birds but us...”  In typical Queenie fashion, I’m getting this in at the last possible second, but if you can type at supersonic speeds, consider writing a submission as well!

Content warnings: spoilers for a movie that came out in 1939, some pessimistic talk about the future and trauma

In spring of 2014, I was assigned a portion of Lee Edelman’s No Future for a class.  

I hated it.

I hated it so much, in fact, that I vagueblogged about how much I hated it.  I hated it so much that I decided that I was going to prove Lee Edelman wrong with every part of my existence.  Like many things that I start as semi-jokes, it very quickly became not so much a joke as a way for me to conceptualize why what I was doing mattered.

Yeah, this is it.  This is the post where I finally talk about queer* futurity.

A disclaimer to start: I’m not a queer theorist and I’m not super well-versed in queer theory in general.  I find a lot of theoretical work convoluted and inaccessible (both to the general public and to me specifically), and my training is primarily as a historian and ethnographer.  What I’m talking about here is not queer futurity from a theoretical perspective (although there’s been a fair amount written on it from that perspective, including work actively refuting Edelman)** but rather queer futurity from a personal perspective.  This month’s Carnival of Aces prompt asks, “How did your (a)sexual and (a)romantic orientations impact your (expected or imagined) future?” and this is my answer.

That said, it’s probably important to explain what Edelman’s work is all about so that you know what I was reacting to.  Here’s the blurb from Amazon:

In this searing polemic, Lee Edelman outlines a radically uncompromising new ethics of queer theory. His main target is the all-pervasive figure of the child, which he reads as the linchpin of our universal politics of “reproductive futurism.” Edelman argues that the child, understood as innocence in need of protection, represents the possibility of the future against which the queer is positioned as the embodiment of a relentlessly narcissistic, antisocial, and future-negating drive. He boldly insists that the efficacy of queerness lies in its very willingness to embrace this refusal of the social and political order. In No Future, Edelman urges queers to abandon the stance of accommodation and accede to their status as figures for the force of a negativity that he links with irony, jouissance, and, ultimately, the death drive itself.

Basically, Edelman links futurity with biological reproduction and then says that queerness’s power is negating or denying that future.  (He says, at one point, that queerness is defined by having non-reproductive sex.)

There are a lot of reasons to hate this.  First, there’s the weirdly exclusive definition of queerness.  What about bi folks?  What about trans folks?  What about ace folks?  What about gay folks who have biological children?  Etc. etc. etc.  Second, there’s the idea that the only way to have a future is to biologically reproduce.  I know that Edelman has been (rightly) critiqued, especially by queer scholars of color, for discounting social reproduction--passing on culture and community to folks who are not blood relations, for example.  If you want an example from my own studies, there are several medieval Buddhist sects in Japan that have master-disciple transmissions, where the master and disciple are not theoretically*** blood relations but still are part of the same lineage.  Third, there’s this general sort of nihilistic, pessimistic way of thinking about queerness.  I’m going to talk about that more below so I won’t go into it here.

Anyway, enough about this book that I didn’t like.

When I talk about queer futurity, I’m talking about a way of imagining a future connected to our present that doesn’t rely on biological reproduction.  This probably sounds very conceptual and academic, so let me explain with some reasons why I am so excessively jazzed**** about queer futurity:

The first point is a bit of a weird and heavy one, so I apologize for starting with this but here goes: I don’t believe that “it gets better.”  I understand that that’s often a comforting thought for LGBTQ folks (it’s the basis of the It Gets Better Project, after all), but it’s not for me.  I don’t think that there will be a brighter, better future for me, because experience has yet to offer me any concrete proof that things will get better for me.  I’ve known I’m queer for more than a decade, and things haven’t gotten better; they’ve just gotten hard in different ways.  

On a related note, as I’ve mentioned before a couple of times, I have no real felt sense of the future and no ability to conceptualize what my future might look like.  Part of that is PTSD (trauma does weird things to your sense of time) and part of that is a lack of role models.  This is why things like “The Path of the New Woman” appeal to me--as Ito puts it, The New Woman “does not know where this new path originates nor where it leads.  Consequently, she understands the danger and the fear that attend the unknown.”  The future, to me, is scary but also fundamentally nebulous and unimaginable.

People often mistake me for an optimist, but I wouldn’t say I am.  I don’t think the future is inherently a better, brighter place.  I don’t think the sun will come out tomorrow.

What I do think is that if tomorrow continues to be dark, the least I can do is make sure that whoever comes after me has a flashlight.

And this is where queer futurity comes in for me--being able to conceptualize a better future not for myself but for the people who come after me, but also being able to conceptualize a way that I am connected to and contributing to that future.  Because the idea that I’m disconnected from the future entirely or that I’m negating it in some way?  That’s hopelessness.  Because if nothing will get better for me, if my future is already so inherently difficult to imagine, and if I will not have any legacy to pass on to the next generation, there’s no point in me continuing to survive.  (As I’ve said before, my ability to care for myself goes up substantially when I have other people to take care of.)

So, for me, queer futurity is hope, not that things will get better, but that I can make them better for whoever comes next, that whatever I build (whether that’s resources or community or just plain ol’ relationships with other individuals) will live on beyond me.

Needless to say, a big part of queer futurity for me is conceptualizing alternative families (found family is lovely!) but also ways to have an impact on the next generation that don’t require a family.  When I was in my preteens, I saw Goodbye, Mr. Chips and I sobbed through the ending.  If you haven’t seen the movie, it follows a teacher at a boys’ school from his first day teaching until his death.  On his death bed, one of his colleagues remarks that it’s a shame he never had children, and he responds, "I thought you said it was a pity, a pity I never had any children. But you're wrong. I have! Thousands of 'em, thousands of 'em...and all...boys."  (You can find a clip of the scene in question on YouTube.)  This appeals to me because I’m a sap who cries about gum commercials***** but also because it’s very much in line with how I imagine my own role as a teacher, an educator, and a mentor.

I am not planning on having children--either biological or adopted.  I have no intention or desire to pass on my family name--I’m not on speaking terms with my family, and haven’t been for years at this point.  I’m not sure that I’ll ever be in another partnered relationship due to the puddle problem and also due to my drifting further and further into romantically grey areas.  As hard as it is for me to conceptualize my future, it’s even harder for me to conceptualize a future trajectory that looks at all normative.******  If we imagine futurity as tied to biological reproduction, I am a dead end.

But here’s where I turn to queer futurity again: if the future isn’t solely predicated on biological reproduction, if my lineage isn’t constrained by my ability or willingness to pass on my genetic material, I am no longer a dead end.  Because, you know what?  I may never have kids and may never be part of a family, but I have mentees.  I have my LGBTQ students and kouhai who’ve reached out to me for support.  I have everyone who’s ever read something I’ve written and said, “Hey, this helped me understand myself better.”  I have everyone who I’ve helped feel less alone or less scared or better equipped to face down the future in all its frightening, unknowable glory.  I have a community I’ve contributed to building, and that will live on past me.  I come from a lineage of ace bloggers and activists whose words have educated, comforted, and inspired me, just as I hope that someday my words will educate, comfort, and inspire someone else.

So here’s what it comes down to: I’m excessively jazzed about queer futurity because I can’t imagine a future for myself, but I want to build one that’s better for whoever comes next.  I’ve been shaped not only by my biological family but by my community, by my ace and/or queer elders, by everyone who has ever offered me a hand up or a shoulder to cry on.  I’ve inherited that legacy and I’m going to pass it on, whether Lee Edelman likes it or not.  

All the other birds may have begun their nests, but me?  Maybe I don’t need a nest.  Maybe there are other ways for my existence to have meaning.

*To head off the inevitable questions: when I talk about my being queer, I’m talking about both my sexuality (or lack thereof) and my romantic orientation.  These things are inseparable parts of my queerness.  If you are interested in reading more, I recommend checking out my tag.

**Full disclosure: I haven’t read this particular book of Muñoz’s (I’ve read one of his other books) or much of the other work refuting Edelman.  I’ve had it recapped to me in seminar by other folks.  Like I said, not a queer theorist or a queer studies specialist.

***In actuality, sometimes people fudged their vows of celibacy and had sons who became their disciples.  But biological relationships aren’t actually required or expected for transmission of teachings.

****Those of you who follow me on my sideblog: I am so sorry that you are subjected to the endless stream of semi-incoherent yelling and memes about queer futurity but also, like, I’m not actually that sorry and we all know it.  As a special bonus for all of you, here is a terrible meme:

You’re welcome.

*****Do you think I’m frickin’ joking?  Do you think this is a joke?  This is not a joke.  I’m so serious about crying about gum commercials.

******One of these days I’m going to write that post on queer time/ace time.  It’s going to happen.  I’ve said I’m going to write a post on queer futurity for years and years and now I’m finally writing it, so the queer/ace time post will happen one day.  Just not today.