#only to then go off-aggro and patiently wait for me to kill everyone

[jen--ne--sais--quoi]

So it’s 12:29am...

and I just woke up from a nap I decided to take from 10:45-12:15. 

Because I got shit to do tonight but today at work was so fucking exhausting. 

A List From the Shit Show: 

-I walked in to work to see that the manager that spent the week in jail for cooking meth in his basement (a month after being arrested for the very same offense) is...somehow free and employed??? And I have to listen to what he says???? (This was actually a highlight cause it kept making me giggle)

-Mindy, my fellow hostess, called off today, which we thought wasn’t a big deal until the dinner rush came. It’s the middle of September--we are supposed to be in the off-season. So why the FUCK did we have a half hour wait???? That’s 15 parties waiting, and more coming in, with zero explanation why ANY of them are in town. Me, More Experienced Lauren, ....and the trainee. 

-One of my acquaintances from high school and her family came in, needing a table for 7 people. I said, “I’ll go get a table ready and be back.” The Mom said, “That’s alright, take your time.” Turns out a perfect table just needs bussed off, so I start doing that at like a moderate pace because why wear myself ragged when it’s not busy? (yet, like I said it came for us hard). By the time I got the table ready, maybe 3-5 minutes have passed, with servers stopping me to ask questions, stopping by the lobby to tell the party that it’ll take a couple extra minutes and Mom replying “Like I said, take your time”  and the ever elusive spray bottles doin their best to hide, etc. I go to the lobby and open my mouth to talk and Mom goes, “Do you need ME to wipe the table?! I’ll wipe it down for you if it helps make things go faster?!” So I just say, “Party of 7 your table is ready, right this way” and pretend she wasn’t just aggro AF to me after pretending to be patient. 

-Side quest: As I was getting that table cleared, the servers mention that the current floor plan is wrong, and that an entire section actually has no server assigned to it. A section I just sat. Again. But not to worry, the floor plan changed! But...where the fuck is it?! In the 15 minutes it took Meth Manager to make a floor plan, five tables got sat and needed to be picked up by random servers, making the first hour of the dinner shift confusing as hell.

-Back to Mom and Acquaintance: As I seat the table, I notice that Acquaintance wearing an All That Remains t-shirt, and I jokingly said, “look at you being all emo today” in a friendly voice. She said, “You know it.” Ten minutes later my manager (the one who ISN’T cooking meth) goes, “What the fuck did you say to 66?! They’re PISSED! Something about being emo?” And I had to explain that Katie is a friend acquaintance from high school and that I was just making a friendly joke, and why the fuck would she tell on my to my boss instead of, I dunno, sending me a message or coming to talk to me by herself??? WHY IS THIS SUDDENLY A PROBLEM FOR MY WORK AND NOT A PROBLEM BETWEEN FRIENDS. So then I had to go over in the middle of their meal and be like, “I’m sorry I hurt your feelings I’m a giant boner of emoness myself so I thought it was cool, your shirt’s neat” like a fifth grader on the playground. 

-Power in the enter restaurant went out for a solid minute....and then came back on which was the biggest disappointment of my life. 

-The power outage fucked our computer system SO HARD. For the rest of the night, it went through 4 error screens, two reboots, a freeze, and stopped letting credit cards go through. We had to use the old ass carbon-copy receipts to take down the card info, get a signature, and then not close out the checks so by the end of the night the “Take Payment” screen was getting crowded AF

-Our friendly neighborhood liberty-spiked punk line cook pushed the doors open mighty hard on his way out. I didn’t see anything--I only knew it was him because I heard the chains on his pants rattling on his way. Apparently he walked the fuck out. He’s literally one of the best cooks, and if you thought the host stand was short staffed...ha. The kitchen got FUCKED. The server doing expo had to jump on the cook line, a server from the deck had to jump on expo, and suddenly everyone wants to sit outside to watch the sunset, and there’s only ONE server covering 10 tables--which no one thinks to tell the people who control seating, why should WE know something like that?! I hear about it because the lone deck server is bitching in the kitchen when I go to grab some soups. 

-One of the servers was thisclose to a panic attack all night, and no one had any free time to help her at all, and she could barely get shit done :( 

-I told someone one of our pizzas can be vegan if she asked for no cheese. Apparently, it’s not. You can’t remove the cheese from the crust (On the bright side: She didn’t call to have me killed). 

-I sold over $500 of food by myself within an hour. Our tips? Shit.