#option 1 is i get especially short tempered

[curiouschaosstarlight]

I wish I could say something good happened to make me so chatty and hyperactive, but this is actually just option 2 of me being sleep deprived

[cyndraws]

Reblogtober day 18

IM ALIVE. JUST SEM 2 AMBUSHING ME TO BEAT ME UP IN A BACK ALLEY HSGH

Exams and assignments coming up soon so wish me luck!

Here, I present my Kirby OC, Leif!

He belongs in my Kirby anime (krbay) au. He's part of the GSA. And Meta knight is his cute younger brother

Now here is my gushing about Leif below. I think way too much about him lol

Basic Info:

Name: Leif, Blade Knight / Leaf Knight

(Blade Knight was his first choice but is a common name, so everyone just agreed to call him Leaf Knight. He argues it's a good choice bc Blade is a pun on blade and leaf blades but... well still everyone disagreed)

Age: Young adult (an estimate, Hoshians have long lifespans in my au)

Gender: Demiboy Pronouns: he/they (equally)

Elements: Leaf (main), Cutter (main), Wing (minor)

Notable talents/powers: Summoning a near endless amount of blades, runes, self-healing

~many more thoughts about him below the cut~

Description:

Physical description: Primary colour is green. Orange-yellow eyes. Their mouth tends to make triangular shapes.

He has a wing cape that has golden buttons on the collar ends. Their wing form look like they are made out of leaves.

The most accurate armour colour is his flying art, which is silver with a hint of rose-gold. He usually wears his special blade-proof gloves and sabatons (feet armour), and mask on top of his head with his family. In more formal settings (includes around the public), he wears his pauldrons (shoulder armour), and mask on. He wears his wing armour too, but optional to draw because it's hard, even for me (lol).

He keeps his mask on because he feels like it makes him less vulnerable with expression covered up. He can take it off but it makes him a little embarrassed.

Personality:

Myers Briggs: ISFP (Introvert, Observant, Feeling, Prospective/perceiving)

Introvert: Well he's an introvert. Tends to be quiet and a good listener.

Observant: Is focused on present, practical and hands-on

Feeling: Makes lots of gut decisions, especially during battle. Makes him reckless, but he's very in-tune with his instincts. They haven't led him astray yet. His number 1 priority is his family above all, and he won't hesitate to put himself in harm's way for their safety. He also can get short tempered for their sake. They're very sensitive to others' feelings and is a natural listener. In general, they're a warm and caring person, and a natural leader.

Prospecting/perceiving: Spur of the moment, seizes opportunities, flexible

~

He's generally a little quiet, but combined with his caring personality makes him a trusted and charming person. He's a great leader, and gives off calm powerful and reliable brother/senior vibes. He's modest and underestimates himself despite his great capabilities. He's the definition of unreliable narrator haha.

They're a very curious person and is always trying new things. They've become somewhat of a jack of all trades because of this.

However, they can get very heated and short tempered, especially in regards to thier family. They get very embarrassed afterwards.

And during battle, it's like they become a different person. They get blood thirsty and wipe through the battlefield with their dual blades, heedless of injuries (they have an ability to self-heal). They don't talk much, but when they do, it give off power. He's very sharp and has top-notch instincts on the battlefield. His recklessness goes up to max though and he's not afraid to get dirty and on the frontlines, which worries his family to no end.

~

Other

Family: Kibble Blade, Sir Kibble (two are coparenting), Meta Knight (younger brother)

Story: Maybe another day, but for now this is set when Meta Knight is still in training in the GSA and Leif has made his name as a highly respected soldier

[viperwhispered]

So I recently got into Kingdom Hearts and by that I mean I watched a 3 hour retrospective on it and a short story summary of Kingdom Hearts 3. Its basically Final Fantasy meets Disney multiverse.

Now the main weapon of the protagonists are the Key Blades. Its basically a magic key-shaped sword that also doubles as a wand. Now the thing with key blades is that they're all unique and are impossible to wield if you're not the owner. Here's an article going more in depth about them.

Now how does this relate to Jamil? Well I found these fanarts and it gave me a cool AU idea. Basically what if the Dorm Leader staffs also doubled as Key Blades.

Context: Lets say all the Great 7 were key blade users who transformed their key blades into the dorm leader staff when they founded the college. Whenever a dorm leader is a "perfect match/successor" to their respective Great 7, they get a chance to unlock the keyblade form of the staff. Each form is unique to the dorm leader. While not all will unlock the keyblade form, the staff still serves its purpose as a tool. However, if someone more worthy than the current dorm leader arrives, the staff will slowly stop responding to the current leaders commands and become useless until it is in the hands of the rightful successor.

For TWST story purposes, lets say each wielder unlocked the key blade form only after their overblot and when facing the next overblot.

Now for the first year of being dorm leader, the staff worked just fine for Kalim. Why? Because it couldn't identify a proper successor and Kalim was okay.

Now post-CH4, Jamil ended up exposing himself as an ideal successor after he overblotted. As such, Kalim is having more and more trouble using the staff. By the time CH5 starts, its pretty much useless.

Cue more character growth for Kalim since he now has to juggle the fact that every prize he ever won was because of his status and now even his position as dorm leader was basically given to him because of the bribe when the staff clearly rejects him.

Jamil on the other hand has observed the pattern of "guy who previously overblotted faced the next guy while conviently uncovering a keyblade form". He has a sneaking suspicion that he's the true successor (especially since he would've been the original dorm leader if it weren't for Kalim), but doesn't want to agitate things since he just failed trying to takeover the dorm.

Cut to Vil's overblot. Jamil's wand gets knocked out of his hand and Kalim in now in the line of fire. Cue Jamil running dramatically and picking the dorm leader staff cause it was the closest option.

Then SPARKLES! LIGHTS! TRANSFORMATION MUSIC! the staff is now a keyblade.

Skip ahead a bit and, as per tradition, Jamil is now officially the dorm leader of Scarabia. While the Asims no longer have any grounds to argue, they still make sure Kalim is the vice-dorm leader at least.

Spoiler alert: Crowley knew this was gonna happen eventually (not the overblots). He just wanted to cash in the bribe since he knew at some point the staff would recognize Jamil as its successor.

Also wondering what your hcs for Jamil as dorm leader and Kalim as a vice?

I can definitely see Jamil making things run much more smoothly now that he can veto Kalim's impulsive ideas and I also see him keep a strict "1 feast/party per week" rule with occasional special dinners in between.

I see Kalim hyping up these one week parties so that its basically a "congrats on surviving till Friday", which makes these parties more special in a way. Also, I wanna see Kalim struggle as vice since not only do the vice dorm leaders have deal with the dorms crap but also the leader's temper tantrums.

Imagine this: Jamil and Kalim, leaving a dorm leader meeting. Kalim is chatting away and Jamil is perfectly composed while giving an occasional response. They get to Scarabia and Jamil lets out a scream of frustration. Cue Kalim trying to calm Jamil down while he rants about anything and everything.

Jamil: OOOOH! THAT INSUFFERABLE CEPHALOPUNK! NEXT TIME I SEE HIM, I'M TURNING HIM INTO A SALAD!

Kalim: Wait, Jamil, you can't! It's wrong to kill people (wait that's not gonna work) - ! Um . . . you probably wouldn't be able to hide the human part of his body! Even if you did, Jade and Floyd would sniff out the smell of blood and ink on you! (god no wonder Trey is always tired)

Tbf, at least you know more about Kingdom Hearts than I do, since most of my knowledge comes from reading KH fic like a decade ago (on like Lunaescence and Freedom of Speech Fan Fiction Archive, before I’d even heard a peep of AO3).

Now someone correct me if I’m wrong, but iirc the Great Seven were not involved with the founding of NRC, even if the dorms do follow their example. I mean, the dorms are different ages, too (I think Pomefiore was mentioned being the oldest?). Not that stops the keyblades / dorm leader staffs working as you suggest, but it might affect their origin.

Anyways.

Oof that situation of the staff / keyblade not responding to Kalim sure would rub things in for him, wouldn’t it? Combine that with the scene during SDC prep where Kalim contemplates these things in general, the staff/blade would probably be another part of that conversation.

(Also I do kinda love the idea of Jamil noticing the pattern. Like, overblots are supposed to be rare, it’s not like he’s expecting another one, but when your mind is running through a 1000 disaster scenarios per day, you end up touching on stuff like that too.)

I do wonder if Jamil would hesitate going for the staff. After all, they can cast some magic even without the stones in the magic pens, but after already overblotting once he probably would be very much conscious of the dangers of the blot accumulating. So even if he would be reluctant about it, the situation would be forcing his hand.

Hasdfjhaskdf tho with Kalim scrambling for ways to convince Jamil to hold back.

Headcanons tho?

I imagine for Jamil, it would be kind of a mixed feeling. At least he’d be finally getting some recognition (but like it’s a magical staff not a person, how much does it count in the end)? But at the same time, suddenly being thrust into the spotlight like that would probably make him feel uncomfortable as well. He’s now a public face for the whole dorm, after all, after all those years of doing anything but.

Plus, like, how much would change in practice? He’d still be doing a lot of the same things he used to do as the vice, just with less extra steps of getting some of those things done through Kalim / while wrangling him. So at least in some ways it would be a little more streamlined, from his perspective.

It would also take a lot of practice from Jamil to actually delegate anything to Kalim, tbh, so I imagine Kalim would be a vice mostly in name only, if Jamil has his way. But there would still be those people who’d rather go to Kalim for one way or another. While Jamil can be approachable when he wants to be, Kalim would probably be a lot less intimidating for a lot of folks.

Also ngl I can definitely see Jamil enjoying the power he wields a bit too much. Good thing for everyone if he still feels obliged to work on fixing his reputation after the overblot, or he might well go a little overboard. Like he’ll definitely get a kick out of any sort of deference or obeisance from his dorm members.

It could be a learning opportunity for both of them, though. For Jamil to figure out what sort of position in life would be actually satisfying to him (would he prefer being more behind the scenes, or is it not so bad being a leader even with the publicity and potential backlash that comes with it), and to continue working on actually trusting others to do things, too, instead of controlling everything for himself.

While Kalim would indeed have a hard time working on the whole “what things in his life has he actually earned and what has just been handed to him, and what does that say about him as a person and his place in life”, I do not see any reason for any potential inner struggles to be projected towards Jamil. Like, I don’t think he’d be particularly resentful towards him, and in general would still be happy to work with him.

However, combining a master & servant relationship with a housewarden and vice housewarden relationship, where both of them hold power over the other in one way, would be quite tricky for them to navigate. After all, Kalim is so used to Jamil doing anything for Kalim that Kalim doesn’t even (always) see it or consider the implications. So there’d definitely be plenty of situations where Kalim would be asking for things, and might accidentally end up overriding Jamil’s authority as housewarden or otherwise cause awkward situations without meaning to.

Like, those parties for example? If Kalim is planning on hosting one, it’d be a bit tricky figuring out where the line goes between Jamil’s obligations as a servant (who’d feel the need to make this party happen for his master) and Jamil’s authority as the housewarden (who probably would want to set limits to the amount of disruptions the dorm should have).

So yeah, it would not be an easy transition, for sure. And they sure would need to learn to talk about things to make it work in some way.

[docholligay]

So, as I was just incessantly yammering about, there are two American Wests.

1) The actual American West: A Victorian-era time and place in American (and Canadian) history, after the Civil War, where the combination of new lands being brought into the US and Canadian fold, the instability of America after the Civil War, and the rush of technology created a truly unique historical place and time whose only real ‘competition’ is Australia, but it very very mild as compares.  It was a very difficult, boundary pushing, emotionally complicated and constantly churning place and culture. People often found the measure of themselves, and sometimes had to be disappointed with what they found. Other places have ELEMENTS of the Am-Can West--cattle ranching and driving as we understood it came from South America and Mexico--but the unique socio-historical elements really have no parallel, which is a large part of why for many years, European and Asian ‘audiences’ really got into it, which I think is neat. I always regret that I never met Jetty’s grandfather because he would have been so fucking delighted that I can ride a horse and shoot a revolver and have branded cattle.

2) The West(tm). This is Bonanza, this is John Wayne, this is the Dollars trilogy. This is the idea of the shootout at high noon. This is good sheriff versus bad gang. This is lone gunslinger coming to save the town, which is itself, given its popularity in the 60s and 70s, a cultural view of America AS gunslinger, coming in to save others from threats (communism). Watching the old Mag 7 against the new is fascinating because it really accurately portrays the changing American ideas of anxiety and evil, as well as good*. This is where the phrase white hat black hat COMES FROM, is the very old Westerns had sheriffs in white hats, and villains in black hats. Where Doc was clever and erudite and likeable and tragic instead of a short-tempered, endlessly bitter, alcoholic, terminally ill, racist for his TIME motherfucker**.

Where Martha Jane Canary*** was Calamity Jane.

We are CLEARLY in option two, and let’s be clear I really don’t expect different in a children’s cartoon. I mean, the damn thing is CALLED “the LEGEND of Calamity Jane” not “The mostly sad and pathetic reality of Martha (Calamity) Jane Canary). I am chuckling at the fact that she apparently uses a whip instead of a gun I mean not sound like a complete American here, but what is even the point of a western if you aren’t using a gun? Especially because apparently the naughty bads use guns. If you bring a whip to a gun fight you are just going to get shot, kids, mark my words. I mean, I’m not suggesting the kiddies pick up guns but I’m also not suggesting they go after the guys with guns, so.

Also I love that they have her as sexy. This is Calamity Jane:

Contrary to popular belief, she didn’t wear men’s clothes all that often. That became a part of her legend, and she wore them for photo opportunities as part of her shtick. It’s actually why she became famous. Actually perhaps that’s ungenerous. She was a wild, interesting, charming and funny woman, who was a rampant alcoholic and fantastically fun liar. But, she got her start because she was with a camp and happened to be in men’s clothing for practicality’s sake, and he snapped her picture because it was such an odd thing, to be a woman wearing men’s clothes, and not trying to hide anything about that. Jane was just...pragmatic to a point, but not pragmatic enough to realize passing as a man was 87 times safer, which is why that’s what many women who dressed in men’s clothing for whatever reason did.

My favorite fact about Calamity Jane is that when she died, the Gardiner, MT, newspaper’s headline was “Calamity Jane Finally Does the Right Thing” which is so darkly hilarious to me, please don’t let anyone tell you people had a sense of propriety back then, at least not out West--the East was still trying to impress Daddy England and so the social rules were different there.

*Also I really wish that had done better, it was really, really fantastic to see a movie by a black man about the American West that showed a lot of understanding of, and love for, both the American West and the American Western, and imagining his place in it. And it was just, fun. It was a fun fucking movie.

** People always assume I ‘like Doc’ which I suppose in a sense I do because I find him fucking fascinating, and he is fairly unique among Western figures in his background, his education, his aims and history. LOVE reading about him, I just think he’s NEAT. But uh....don’t make the mistake that I LMM him and want to suck his dick or nothin. He was terrible. Like, pretty much irredeemable, if I were to believe in the concept of a person being so. he certainly never got his shit together before he died.

***this is pronounced kænərɪ, or, to be less precise, closer to cannery, not like canary (the bird).

[manonamora-if-reviews]

New Year's Eve, 2019 by Autumn Chen

============= Links

Play the game See other reviews of the game See other games by Autumn or follow @cyberpunklesbian

============= Synopsis

Social gatherings are not your preferred activity. But this one is obligatory, and it threatens to ruin you. You are Karen Zhao, a senior in college who is home for winter break, and seeing your old high school friends for the first time in years. You are not ready, not even close, but perhaps you could make the best of it. Two endings, many paths to arrive there.

============= Other Info

New Year's Eve, 2019 is a Dendry* game, submitted to the 2022 Edition of the SpringThing. This game is a sequel to Pageant (review). *Autumn is also an unofficial maintainer of the Dendry format.

Status: Completed Genre: Dating-sim, Slice-of-life, LGBT

CW: social anxiety, panic attacks, depression, family conflict

============= Playthrough

First Played: June-2022 Last Played: 31-May-2023 Playtime: around 1h (1 full playthrough - 1 half-assed) Rating: 4 /5 Thoughts: A science-type forgets how to human, has a panic attack at a party. May or may not be fine at the end.

============= Review

Jumping a few years into the future of Pageant, Karen Zhao comes back, more anxious than ever, for a short evening, celebrating the turn of a new year*. Stuck in a house out of social obligation, Karen has the option to interact with a cast of familiar faces, go down memory lane, or hide from everyone as best she can to avoid starting a panic attack before the clock strikes twelve. How ever will she cope????? *and what 2020 brings... rolling eyes

Spoilers ahead. It is recommended to play the game first. The review is based on my understanding/reading of the story.

The one thing that I love about Autumn's games is how real the characters and their interactions feel. NYE19 is no different, continuing on the tradition of anxiety-inducing situation and self-deprecating humour bordering on self-loathing. But unlike its predecessor, Pageant, NYE19's tone translated less as slice-of-life-of-a-stressed-teenager-trying-to-make-it-through-the-semester-oh-god-is-she-having-a-panic-attack-again-just-kiss-her-you-dummy and more of this-is-what-a-college-student-forced-to-come-home-for-the-holidays-special-sitcom-epidose-feels-like. From the really awkward meetings with your old high-school friends (or did you date them? or were they crushes?), to the adults hounding you with questions about your future, or your family wanting to uphold a certain image around people. It's a party we've all been to, it's the kind we wish we didn't have to stay...

And Karen, our favourite anxious lesbian, does too. From the start, she warns the player she does not want to be here, really does not find having to engage in small talk (especially with people she's lost touch with), and actually wishes being anywhere but at this party. It is awkward to interact with people you knew (or more than knew) some years prior but with who you have lost contact (life...), finding how they have (not) changed, and how they've been fairing compared to you.

During the span of an evening, you meet (again) Emily, a trans woman (out of the closet then?) who helped you in Pageant to win (kinda) said pageant; Miri, your best-friend, who tagged along for the party because she did not want to be at her family's party* and became the social butterfly you could not be; and Aubrey, your high-school rival, who seems to still be doing just as well with her Harvard education, her Harvard boyfriend**, her probably-perfect-looking Harvard life... You also get to roam around the party daydreaming nihilisticly about the state of the world, hide in the basement to watch a MCU movie and be cringe to your brother, stuff yourself with food*** to temper with your imminent anxiety attack, play some mahjong and lose badly, hide in the bathroom and take selfies sending your into some self-loathing, play some games on your phone****... *the reason is pretty unclear, even with the option of confronting her. **who the fuck brings up the election topic on a New Year's party?!?!?! The gall of that man... ***which of course, I did... ****that one is hella meta, since you can play IF games AND a Pageant-like dating-sim

Whatever you do (especially your interactions), you are constantly reminded of your shortcomings from the past and how you let your anxiety cause the dwindling of your relationships. Your past haunts your every move and your every thoughts, and being in the presence of people from your past makes it all the worse for your mental being.

Half-way through the game, you sit down to have some dinner, forced at the kids-but-not-really-kids table where all your (former?) friends are interacting. It is very awkward, with Aubrey forcing everyone to introduce themselves as if they were having some sort of team-building meeting, her boyfriend forgetting about the No-No-Conversations (Politics-Religions...)... You can choose to participate in the conversation, eat, or listen, but no matter what happens, you will leave the table before the meal/conversation is over, leaving the party as well to go for a walk.

This is where things get interesting. Emily asks whether she can come along, and agreeing or not will give you very different outcomes. The latter will find you wallowing about your loneliness and how devoid of human connections your life is (much due to your own actions), while the former has a more hopeful and levelheaded conversation (leading possibly to a relationship...). With each still, and throughout the whole game, Karen goes on an introspection about the seemingly importance of human interaction, how easy it is to fuck up things, and the transactionality of relationships, all wrapped in a nihilistic and fatalistic bow (everything goes wrong, even if you do the right things).

Even if this sounds all depressing, it strangely is not. I found myself giggle at some passages*. The dry self-deprecating humour is honestly hilarious (especially the Narrator's comments). At any moment, I was expecting a laughing track to cue. Or maybe I was just playing this with a strange mood... * You have committed CRINGE. Kevin may not remember this, but you will. don't worry, game, I will remember...

The game is also very meta about what it is trying to convey. From playing a dating-sim game within an essentially dating-sim game, to the commentary on human interactions being comparable to dating-sims in the optimisation of [emotions/variables] to get the best possible outcome through a sequence of actions we hope is the correct one while we play a dating-sim where the sequence of choices can be optimised to get that "good ending", the story and the gameplay play quite interestingly on each other to get those points across.

Still, unlike other works from Autumn, while I enjoyed myself playing it, it didn't have the same impact on me. I didn't click as much with it as her other games, and felt a bit unsatisfactory? by the end of the playthroughs. The game has some strong moments, especially the part outside of the house, and some funny moments during the roaming around before dinner/before the countdown, but at other moments, it felt hollow. Maybe it is because of your limited agency in the way you interact with others or act, since Karen is an anxious and socially awkward person who has a hard time expressing her feelings and thoughts. Maybe it is because some of the characters you interact with and the way you defined your previous relationships don't feel as fleshed out (Miri and Aubrey comes to mind*, especially compared to Pageant or even Emily). Or maybe it is Karen's blasé look on dwindling and lost relationships that ticked me** that only allows her to have superficial contact with people (aside from Emily). Or maybe it is the more fragmented type of different gameplay/mechanics that didn't work as well as the Storylet format of Pageant***, or the more linear work of GG and the war. Or maybe because the end was a bit too abrupt... *I was wondering if you could choose to have had a relationship with either of those as in Pageant, but you can only with Emily **was it because the game called me out of doing the same as Karen did to some friends from school? Who knows... ***yes, it's bad to compare games that are inherently different...

There is a wonderful sentence from the post-mortem that really encapsulate the vibe of this game, and strangely reminds us of the hope Karen feels just before returning to the party... and this is where I will be ending this review: The past is inescapable, but the future is not entirely determinate.

There is still time...

Some loose points:

Dendry has some really interesting customisations, from the addition of backgrounds to extra assets in form of character portraits, putting the game in a strange text-only choice-based/visual novel limbo.

The conversation bits, especially the dinner between the gals, have such BPH vibes, which is not surprising, since his work is mentioned in the influence for this game. (with the character portraits style and the formatting of the dialogue with the colours (though the grey for Emily was a bit hard to read).

I really liked the inclusion of the Chinese characters in the dialogues in Chinese. This was only included on the first few lines in Pageant (continuing only in italics), but this really helped distinguished better the conversations in English and the ones in Chinese.

As with Pageant, some choices are worded in a way to form a full sentence or complete a thread of thoughts. I liked that.

[justmaghookit]

2+3 for all sections

Baldur's Gate 3 Companion!Tav Ask List

General.

2. Do the other companions have special comments or reactions upon recruiting your Tav?

I have thought about this So Much

Karlach and Wyll will comment that his accent is balduarian, Karlach especially will comment that he swears like the people she grew up around. Gale makes note that he seems a scholarly type and it'll be nice to have someone to discuss the arcane with. Lae'zel will admit that something about him makes her uneasy and if the tattoo on his neck comes up she's the only one that knows what it is, because its a symbol that only a single Gith knight has ever returned to tell of[The Friends are very active in the Astral Sea] she thinks he's dangerous, and she would be right! Shadowheart enjoys his company, but will comment that his insightfulness is borderline scary, though he seems the kind of person you can confide in. Astarion will tell you he's the kind of pretty face that will get you killed if you're not careful but that he seems useful to have around[they will have A Thing if you don't romance either of them]

3 answered here, sort of honestly deserves its own post break down

Story Specific

2. How do they advise the player character on Raphael?

Donnie will advise you in no uncertain terms that you should not deal with Raphael, that no matter how good the terms may seem a Devil will always come out on top in any deal, no matter what they say. If you speak to him about it again in act 3 and you're on good terms he'll admit he was ahem involved with the man in the past and will tell you Raphael is short sighted and quick tempered and well if you really really want that hammer... well Raphael never changed his locks so he can get you in to the House of Hope.

3. How do they react to Astarion biting the Player Character?

Donnie doesn't judge nor does he kinkshame but he WILL ask you if you're comfortable telling him how it felt because he is honestly curious about it. Both in the scientific way and in the horny way

Romance

2. Does your Tav need to be flirted with to start the romance, or will they approach the PC themselves if approval is high enough?

If you flirt Donnie will flirt back because he thinks its fun and he's the kinda guy who flirts with his friends, if you're serious about romancing him you'll have to be upfront about it though. He likes to be wined and dined and usually isn't the kind of person to be swept up in a romance in the middle of a high-stakes adventure. He's very clear with his boundaries, don't expect to be sleeping with him in act 1, if you try to pressure him he WILL slap you in front of all your party members. He wont approach you himself, because of the aforementioned isn't the kinda person to seek romance in a high stakes adventure, and honestly he doesn't really pursue people in general, mostly because its always ended in a broken heart or very bad decisions

3. Are they a polyamorous or a monogamous option?

He's polyamorous, but he expects you to communicate, if you're with him first and you sleep with someone else without telling him he will be upset with you, likewise the other way around. He wants to know where he stands with you and with the others. Do you want the relationship to be open? are you looking to be with two or more people equally? Do you want HIM to be involved with the other person[s] as well? You can tell him from the beginning you want a physically open relationship and he'll be fine with anything you do, he will ask that you make sure you're being safe about it and if you're NOT being safe about it by the gods have him on stand by in case anything tears. [looking at you halsin bear form YEOWCH]

[mindscapic-exposure]

hi! same anon who asked about who we can ask about and asked for the template, can we get felix from hc? and, since arias story is on your list, if midnight train (made by the same person) is an option, neil. if no midnight train, hanako?

Sure I love Felix, he's such a great character!

I love how even though he comes across as short-tempered and not willing to suffer fools, he actually cares a lot about people, and will often try to hide just how much he cares about others. Also, the implications for things like him being one of the house tenants in context of what that means for EP2, or about the expectations put on him by himself and others to measure up to or follow Huxley's example (especially in the context of what gets revealed about him in EP3) are so interesting, especially if you think about how that must effect his own self-perception and identity.

And sure, I can talk about Neil. I will warn you that I'm still only partway through ep2 of Midnight Train, but I can comment on what I've seen of him from that. Honestly, the thing I have to appreciate most is his dynamic with Luna and how they bounce off and complement each other, with Neil being analytical and with an eye for details that makes him skilled with puzzles, but physically weak, while Luna is strong and tends to take a more direct approach to things. And we actually did think it was an interesting choice to make him more frequently the "damsel in distress" in chapter 1, given it subverts some unfortunately stereotypes of girl and guy pairing dynamics. But despite that they really do feel like equals that complement each other. It's also interesting that he's very kind and trusting (even if sometimes to the point of naivety), and that's an interesting trait to give to the smart detective in-training, especially in as it implies that being kind isn't just something for "stupid" people. It also sets up an interesting contrast between him and the more cynical and untrusting Apollo.

And I know you put them as an either or, but I'll take your last suggestion as well. Hanako, oh Hanako... I love him, and like, I get it (perhaps more than I'd like to admit), but at the same time I want to shake him. By the shoulders. Repeatedly. Partially for reasons others have brought up before about him not opening and properly communicating with anyone, and assuming he knows what's best and deciding for others (though especially because I know how that goes), but mostly for the low regard he has for his own self, (whether it be his overwillingness to sacrifice himself, his self-loathing that makes him regard himself as inherently lesser, or depressed apathy) and how he makes those who care about him around him worry about him due to it. And yet, in addition to that he's also fascinating as a character, partially due to those traits and also the contrast with how his apathy belies a strong stubbornness and hints of the past hopeful and idealistic nature he once had, as well as his anger, his guilt, his kindness, the responsibility that comes with being one of the Seven Wonders while also clearly still being Just a Kid, and how practiced he is in his outward performance in order to not give anything away about everything he's feeling. Like sir, I Am Looking Directly at You. 👁️👁️

[card-queen]

Characters: The Little Things

This will be a short one and mainly about dialogue but I've experienced so many bad adaptations of things that I thought I would add some thoughts and advice about keep characters consistent. What is fanfiction if not a form of adaptation?

Anyway, as promised...

Dialogue!

Dialogue-crafting is a 3-step process. You can do this all in one go once you really know your characters, but this kind of method works well for times when you're still figuring things out and for when you're blocked by MUST WRITE.

Step 1: Write what is being said.

"How are you doing today?" A simple, pleasant exchange that can be read many ways depending on the context. It could be an advertiser on the street, in which case the meaning is more "Are you busy?" or "Do you have a minute?" It could be a doctor or parent talking to an injured person, in which case the meaning is "Are you feeling better?" It could be a friend talking to someone with a broken heart, in which case the meaning is "Are you still upset?"

There's a lot to infer from a sentence like that, but what we're here for is the meaning. We want the absolute plainest, most exposition-y, no-misunderstanding-here sentence because that's what we transform.

Like I said earlier, this can really help if you're suffering from writer's block or you're plain stuck. You know what's meant to happen but you just can't find the words. Start with the initial flow of the conversation: what is being said and who has the power.

What is being said is easy, it ends up looking something like this:

A: Are you busy? B: Do you need something? A: Yes, but don't be angry.

A: Is she still angry at me? B: Yes.

A: I want to go home. B: I know.

Who has the power will be something you know going into writing a conversation. You know who has all the information, you know who keeps their cool and who loses their temper, you know who gets flustered and lets valuable information slip. What you'll want to plot out is if and when that power dynamic shifts. This will be something of a mini-story structure throughout the conversation, especially if it's a long one.

Step 2: Shape how things are said.

Dialogue is a strong way, perhaps even the strongest way, to really show who your characters are. To transform a plaintext sentence like "I want to go home" into something a human would actually say takes a lot of input for outside sources, many of them directly from the character.

Things we can draw from include:

Situational Context. This is anything that relates to the current situation, especially in a physical sense. Where they are, where they are going, what the weather is like, if they are on-time or running late, if this is a repeat occurrence. The kind of thing that would be clear in visuals or descriptions.

Character Want. This is the current desire of your character. While straightforward in nature, characters often get muddled and trip themselves up by wanting things and expressing that desire in roundabout or even counter-active ways.

Character Mood. This is the current mental state of your character. It's self-explanatory and is usually understood by everyone.

Character Hang-Ups. This is how you character would say things. I like to think of what they would avoid talking about or expressing as a way of helping shape their dialogue. Instead of thinking 'this character likes to act brave', I tend to think 'this character does NOT want to look or appear weak' and have that shape their dialogue. The first option tends to lead to characters speaking their gimmick, which is commonplace in things like Soul Eater or Fire Emblem Awakening/Fates. By thinking of what they want to avoid talking about or appearing as, it can branch out naturally and show other ways of showing their personality without hitting the same note over and over.

Let's take the "I want to go home" line from above.

The situation: it's cold & raining, both characters are tired and the last train of the night seems like it's late but there is that underlying fear that they've missed it.

Example 1: Character Want: To go home Character Mood: Very tired and very frustrated but trying to keep it in check and no lash out unexpectedly. Character Hang-Ups: Looking weak or pathetic. They want to look like none of this bothers them but it really, really does. This situation bothers them a great deal and makes them feel utterly powerless. "I want to go home" might become "This sucks..." This character wants to go home but doesn't want to outright say it. They instead attack the situation around them, expressing their frustration at an easy target.

Example 2: Character Want: To go home Character Mood: Very worried and anxious about the possibility they missed the final train but trying to distract themselves and keep hopeful. Character Hang-Ups: Being overly negative and especially inviting negative outcomes with dour thoughts, even if it means being in denial. They would rather look on the bright side no matter what. "I want to go home" might become "Will you want dinner when we get in?" This character is distracting from the now and looking all the way into the future when they've both arrived home, safe and sound.

Example 3: Character Want: To get out of the rain Character Mood: Very worried and anxious about the possibility they missed the final train but this character is trying to be more rational and logical. They've allowed worry to become a distinct possibility and want to move towards a new solution. Character Hang-Ups: They know they're a worrier and don't want to let others know that they're worried or scared, so they tend to deflect and defer to others. "I want to go home" might become "It's getting late, isn't it?" This character is trying to subtly put forward the idea that it's too late, they've missed the train and should look for a hotel to stay in. They have taken a very gentle approach, hoping the other person will be the one to make the decision to find them a hotel.

These are just some very basic examples but hopefully they get across how characters can experience the same situations and have the same ultimate goal but express them in very different ways.

Step 3: Fine-tuning the details

The final step in this magical dialogue tour is fine-tuning things based on your specific needs. You will look at a sentence and say "needs more anxiety" or "seems good but let's add some brooding", like you are a world-class chef.

This is always where you pepper in stronger interactions between characters with established relationships and histories. Familiarity can go a long way in terms of really getting characters across. You could also swap out dialogue chunks for gestures that embody the dialogue.

"I want to go home" > "It's getting late, isn't it?" + extra Anxiety might equal "What time is it?" "I want to go home" > "This sucks..." being transformed into the character being icy and silent, leaning against the wall their their arms tightly folded.

This is also where you chop words that feel unnecessary. "It's getting late, isn't it?" could easily be "late, isn't it?"

Overall

It's quite simple: 1) Write plain words that expression desires or thoughts plainly 2) Transform those words into dialogue based on the situation, general mood, particulars of the character and their relationship with any other characters in the scene 3) Fine-tune the dialogue to flow better, express the character's desires and conflicts more clearly and establish dynamics and context for better understanding.

Character Roles

Characters inhabit roles, either to get reactions, follow story lines and grow in certain ways, embody particular themes, etc. It's important to know the roles your characters will play. Perhaps not all of the roles at first, or even at all, but you must know fundamentally why they exist which typically relates to their role.

Characters can have similar roles to one another but must differentiate themselves in some way. Two characters expressing anxiety over the future can co-exist, as long as they express them in different ways, show different sides of worrying about the future, affect other characters or have different stories of growth or peril to follow. I think part of what makes stories fun it to take characters with similar mindsets, backstories, goals or fears and show how similar yet different they are. How two people can grow up on opposite ends of the world, with entirely different levels of understanding, compassion, intelligence and courage, and come together under the same banner. How to characters who grew up together, surrounded by pain and suffering, can move on from their past, with some becoming better, some being permanently scarred, and others using their pain as a weapon for vengeance.

What's important to keep in mind is that everyone has a place in the story. When characters begin to overlap, it's time to evaluate: are they different or too similar? Can I change one to embody something slightly different and new? Or would it be best to merge the characters and keep what's left as spare?

I have watched a few TV adaptions of books I like, and one thing that always stands out to me is when they give scenes and moments integral to one character to an entirely different character. The changes can be welcome, giving the spot to a character that fits the role and gets more time to shine. The changes can be disappointing and clearly done for budget reasons. You can grumble about it, I will join you. Then the changes can be done for insincere reasons, where a character is clearly given an advantage of some kind, getting more spots and moments that either belong to or would be better suited for another character. The reason often boils down to simple favouritism, and should be avoided.

If you have a favourite character, that's fine and well, but don't try and force that character to be everyone's favourite character. Let all of your character have the chance to be someone's favourite.

I think that's all I had on this subject, but let me know if you'd like to hear more or something else.

Happy creating!

Want more writing advice? Check out this post!

[leviiackrman]

1, 12, 13 for the asks about yourself 💞

1. You get to marry one fictional character - who is it?

Already answered m’love!

But here are some other options I’d consider: Levi Ackerman - attack on Titan (he’s grumpy but I feel we’d get on quite well and he’d be extremely dedicated), Eijiro Kirishima - my hero academia (but when he’s older obvs, I just think he’d be really sweet), Bokuto - haikyuu!! (Listen he’s all I want in a real bf), Glenn - the walking dead (he is bby and Maggie is v lucky), Joel Miller - the last of us (all of these people I’m picturing in a real life situation and don’t have half the amount of trauma they have I’m their respective media lmao), Nanami Kento OR Toge Inumaki - jujutsu kaisen (you can’t tell me that either of them wouldn’t be amazing husbands), Nadine Ross - uncharted (listen if things don’t work out with Chloe Im 1000% available) do not be offended that Bucky is not on here, I’d marry him in a heartbeat, but even without the traumas I don’t think I’d be able to cope with his attention from other ladies, he’s a charmer and I think my jealousy of everyone being attracted to him would ruin it lmao

12. What’s the most embarrassing moment of your life so far?

Oh geez, I mean as a person I tend to have 0 shame anymore so embarrassment doesn’t get to me as much lmao, but if I had to pick a moment where I was truly embarrassed then it’d have to be any sort of coughing fit in a quiet meeting/assembly… I did it once at secondary school during a serious lecture and could not stop coughing.. everyone was looking at me and it was just awful😩 I also fell over in a bog on a school trip but that’s a whole other story lmao, but again I wasn’t embarrassed really cus I knew how funny it must’ve looked haha

13. What fictional character do you identify with the most?

Now this one I know instantly!! I’m a mix of Kirishima and Bakugo from mha! I’m more kiri in the sense that I’m super energetic about a lot of things and supportive of my friends in all kinds of ways, but I also struggle a lot with feeling inferior to my peers and have major trauma/mental health problems lmao… same can be said for bakubro with the mental health stuff, but I also have similar anger related issues (not as extreme as his) but still can get snippy or short tempered real easy - especially when getting someone else to do something and they do it wrong lmao, I’m more a ‘get it done myself’ kinda person like him! I also think a bit like Hiccup from HTTYD with the tinkering mentality and sarcastic honour aha!

Ask Me Questions!

[doctoru-au]

DPA GP Role

Mid-north Coast, NSW | Job ID #2121

OVERVIEW

Enjoy a Mild Climate and Relaxing Lifestyle on the Mid-North Coast

The Mid-North Coast boasts a temperate climate known for its mild winters and warm summers, perfect for those who prefer to avoid the cold. With stunning beaches just moments away, this location offers an idyllic setting for water sports, 4WDriving, hiking to waterfalls, wine tasting, and exploring arts and crafts.

This practice presents a unique opportunity with an established patient base representing a diverse demographic. It serves as an ideal place to kickstart or advance your GP career, with ample chances to hone specialist skills, especially in skin cancer management. Collaborate with a team of supportive GPs and experienced administrative staff dedicated to helping you thrive in your role.

ABOUT THE PRACTICE

Corporate-owned practice. Open Mon-Fri, no weekend roster. DPA location. Mixed billing. Coastal location, 5min to airport. Short flights to Brisbane, Sydney.

ABOUT THE ROLE

70% billings. Negotiable upfront payment. $150/hour guarantee first 3 months. Specialize in skin cancer, minor procedures. Weekly luxury aged care village work option.

REQUIREMENTS

Not suitable for doctors needing AMC parts 1 and 2 or with General Registration. Requires FRACGP, MRCGP, MICGP, or eligibility for RACGP’s PEP Specialist Stream.

WHY WORK WITH ME?

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WANT TO KNOW MORE?

Andrew McNamara Call | Text | Whatsapp +61 0430001747 Get in touch with me 7 days | early to late.

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[justagirlsearchingforamuse]

I wanted to write what characters I think should’ve been romanacable or at least been able to have a one night stand with in Cyberpunk 2077 because I feel they should’ve had more options tbh. I will talk about what kinda missions they should’ve had for the characters were romanceable and how their relationships should’ve developed or could’ve per say.

1. Jackie Welles

First and foremost, I believe Jackie Welles who a lot of people want to romance believe me I can see why but I feel that if you wanted to keep his death in there, I could see V and it wouldn’t matter if what gender you were confessing to liking him. V is realizing that he’s dying right before them and is begging him not to go whilst putting pressure on his wound, Jackie cups their cheek before apologizing and giving them the chip. V manages to say that they love him and whether it’s platonic or not it’s up to you especially if you talk to other characters such as Judy, Panam, & River. You can talk about your relationship with Jackie as being somewhat like unrequited love, if you have the guts and the balls to you can even tell Misty that you had these feelings for him. But it’s gonna slightly bring down your relationship with her, she’ll express how she wasn’t surprised and how she noticed it. If you choose to end yourself in the final mission, depending on if you saw Jackie as a love interest you’ll end up saying how you love Jackie and how you can’t wait to see him. Even kissing the necklace and putting it on yourself before it all ends. But if you managed to keep him alive, I’d say that you’d be able to have a threesome with him and Misty cause honest to god I thought that’s what the developers were hinting at with the fucking ;). If you would manage to pull off such a feat you’d have to collect all of the tarot cards, do all of Misty’s missions as well as Jackie’s which I might talk about more in depth in future posts. Depending on how you’ve been treating them both which is well I hope, Jackie will bring you back to his apartment and talk about your relationships as well as your sex life. It eventually leads to Jackie whispering in your ear about how would you feel having a threesome with them, you can answer according to how you’re feeling. If you say yes then Misty will soon come into the room and she’ll sit right beside you, touching you and kissing on your neck whilst Jackie kisses you. If you guys would want me to write a Misty/V/Jackie smut or go into more depth about it then just send an ask in my ask box.

I’d like to imagine that if you manage to keep him alive up until the very end, he is with you when you visit Alt and when the bad news comes, you’re both pissed and it’s even to the point of Jackie nearly breaking down in tears. Jackie begins to blame Johnny for this, getting pissed at him and Alt, saying this should’ve never happened to V. Johnny can choose to argue with him or try and talk Alt into more options. Depending on how you played V, you can get a scene where if you choose to take over V’s body then V will end up confessing to Jackie saying how it’s the end for them and how sorry they are for this happening. V can even kiss Jackie and apologize once again before saying a tearful goodbye to Jackie. I’d imagine that Jackie would want little to nothing to do with Johnny not just because he believes it’s his fault for taking away his best friend but because everytime he sees Johnny he sees V and it breaks him every time. Jackie can break up with Misty sometime after the incident and is seen just living life with Mama Welles but he’s always thinking of V. If you choose to sacrifice Johnny, depending on how you treated Jackie and Misty you can end up in a polyamorous relationship. Though you all are trying to do your best to manage this, your relationship is pretty decent with them both.

I believe that you couldn’t romance him without Misty being there or I feel that he would never break Misty’s heart to date V or cheat on Misty with V because he doesn’t give me those vibes. If anything he’d seem to be against cheating, but I’d like to imagine if you’re a dick and whatnot that you’d be able to try and romance him but he keeps pushing you away if you end up being too touchy or romantic with him. So naturally he’d be quite hard to romance that’s if you include Misty. He is bisexual/pansexual and should be able to be romanced no matter your gender. Also, he gives me bottom vibes or power bottom vibes.

2. Johnny Silverhand

Personally I believe that you’d be able to romance him slightly towards the end of the game, like I imagine that if you manage to get on his good side and get him to trust you as well as remaining non romanceable to other people. I’d imagine that it’d all really depend upon the endings really, like you’d able to confess to him or kiss him in all of the 5 or 6 endings. You can confess in both of the main endings, it goes the same with you crying and saying how he’s one of the bestest friends you’ve ever had and saying how he really impacted your life. You can choose to kiss V or to hug them in a totally platonic way, as Johnny you can choose to say whether you liked them or whether you just wanted to give them as kiss as being able to recognize their feelings for him. Johnny in the Temperance ending will talk to Steve about V vaguely saying about whether he had feelings for them or how they were an amazing friend. He can even say kiss the necklace that V always carried with them before saying something like, “I won’t forget you, babe.” if you chose to make it where Johnny began to develop feelings for V. V in the ending if you had feelings towards Johnny, you can see that she tells that to her Life Coach or whatever if you are a Corpo V and she’ll confess that she liked him, saying how she’s been missing him a lot lately. As much as I’d love a Johnny and V sex scene that I’d be able to imagine in the game, I can’t see sex happening, maybe making out but Johnny seems like the kind to really become angsty at the idea of not being able to actually feel you. But I’d imagine if you could by some miracle would be able to get him to kiss you early on in the game then I’d say it’d be a lot of making out and Johnny getting off of you. Feeling as though he has nothing to offer you or that he hates not being able to actually feel you. But basically a romance with Johnny Silverhand and V would be angsty af or would be short-lived, sorry guys. Also, Johnny is bisexual so it doesn’t matter what gender you are. Though I do like the idea of an ending where you choose to spend your final days with Johnny whether it’s having sex (in some way), doing stupid shit, or just being in each other’s presence, I feel in this ending he’d ask you if you’d want him to take over your body before you go, if you say yes you can kiss him before telling him to take care of them. But if you say no, then he just spends his and your final moments just laying on the bed and staring into each other’s eyes.

He is bisexual especially from how much he regrets not fucking or getting with Kerry back then but he goes give me heavy dom vibes but at the same time he doesn’t seem to care as long as he’s getting some.

3. Viktor Vector

He’d also be bi, I feel that most of the romances are bi/pan or are gay such as Judy. He gives me bi nerd vibes though as well as I am a tired bi vibes. You should’ve been able to romance him in game or at least have something with him tbh. I feel he’d have about 4 quests which should lead to a romance, once you pay Viktor what you promised he’ll say how he thanks you and will text you a quest which would probably be something like being his boxing partner or something. i feel his quests would have to do a lot with him reliving his younger years of boxing or just doing what he’d call stupid shit with V, I can imagine that the quests would be V getting Viktor to do things he usually doesn’t do. In the final mission, I’d imagine that he’d come to your apartment or he’ll text you about having dinner and some drinks or even the final date being after the last mission you guys both did which was dangerous, something that resulted in you being checked up on by Viktor. Depending on if you’ve been playing your cards right, I can imagine him finishing up on your wounds or whatnot and you end up being the one to confess that you’ve grown closer to him, you caress his cheeks and he ends up telling you to shut up and he kisses you. It leads to you both making out on the chair before you end up on top, you caress his cheeks once more before kissing him again and he in between kisses says how you need to be more careful with your wound. You snarkily tell him to shut up and you kiss him again before it fast forwards to some cute yet steamy sex with plenty of Viktor trying to be gentle on you. Though I’d imagine if you were Male V/Non-Binary V he’d be a little less gentle on you or the roles would be reversed in the mission before I’d imagine in the mission before he either took a bullet for you or you took a bullet for him. He’s a little less gentle with you and a huge tease towards you whether you’re fem’ V or male’ V. He’d play a bigger role in the ending if you romanced him, I feel similar to Panam he should have his own ending or at least a secret ending where it ends with him just trying to take care of you in your final moments. He is there with you along with Misty and Jackie if you managed to save him and you say your final words to them, thanking them for being there forever and always with you. Viktor takes off his glasses and ends up kissing you before nearly breaking down in tears as you begin to slowly fade away from this world, muttering how you’ll never forget them. Viktor ends up wanting to keep his business, wanting to try and help people if he can with you always on his mind and he ends up becoming a big thing, He always is thinking of you, even adopting a child who takes after you with their mischievous personality. It ends with him gifting your child with the necklace that Jackie ends up giving you, beginning to tell your child the journey that you went on that he witnessed. He gives me strong bisexual or maybe even gay vibes tbh. Also, gives me major switch vibes.

4. Goro Takemura

Of course everyone loves him, I do too just not as much as some do. I feel a romance should’ve formed or he should’ve had a few sidequests that would lead to more of a romance. His side quests should’ve been exploring the city with him as well as him just trying to find people who can help V with the chip, 2 or 3 of the quests are you and him exploring the city and helping him learn about Night City. Even learning more about his past and him learning more about yours, which could lead to you both having a romance. Realistically speaking I feel there wouldn’t be a sex scene, so sorry but I feel he’s the kind to want to want things to get more serious and whatnot before considering having sex. He gives me very much if you like it then you better put a ring on it vibes. I can imagine on their last quest which I can see being an expensive dinner date that Takemura keeps insisting on paying for but you choose to because you want to see his face twist in pleasure at the amazing food. I imagine he takes you to an expensive restaurant and once you say all the right things, you can grab Takemura’s hand and take him to his car in which you’ll end up making out with him heavily and before you can get his pants off. He pushes you off, insisting that he doesn’t want to move too fast with you and that he’s enjoying the relationship he has with you he just doesn’t want to give that up yet. But I can imagine if he lives he plays a bigger role and even gets his own ending or plays a big role in the endings where you choose to follow after Hanako, he keeps telling you that you’re doing good and that you made the right choice. I can imagine if you romanced him/kept him alive he’s the one trying to convince you to do the final test/experiment to keep you alive. i can see him playing a good role if you manage to keep him alive and if you romance him, overall I feel he’s bisexual or demisexual. He gives me strong demisexual vibes and or bicurious vibes. Also, he’s a bottom/power bottom and I’m leaving it at that.

5. Kerry Eurodyne

He should’ve remained bisexual tbh, I get it wanting gay rep but also don’t do bi erasure, I see him as bi leaning more towards guys but he’ll be happy to date fem’ V as long as they play their cards right. I feel he should’ve been a more serious option or could’ve been more serious, I feel in the first quest or 2 you have to make a good impression on him and show him you’re down for whatever. Show him that you will make an impact on him and that you’re different, during the first few quests which I can see are just helping him with fans who have no boundaries or helping him get rid of his writer’s block and get back into music. I can imagine the first quest he is calling you anxious about a bunch of fans out in his driveway which you can try to convince them that this isn’t right or knock the fans out which the latter can have Kerry a little distant from you. Thought if you don’t manage to convince them they might try to get violent if it means Kerry would come out, which results in Kerry coming out and helping you I’d imagine he’d need someone who can handle the crazy lifestyle that he has, the fans, handle all of the crazy shit that is in his life. I feel the love scene would happen all the same to be honest and would happen after you finish all the quests and show great interest in becoming more. I’d imagine that he wouldn’t play that big of a role but he’s there and often texting you about random ass shit and he’s honestly just enjoying having some company. Also, he gives me power bottom vibes or a switch who likes to talk a lot of shit and tease you, lol.

6. River Ward

I would talk about River Ward who is my favorite love interest in the game tbh but I feel I’d be repeating what I’m saying for Kerry, River should’ve been bi imo or maybe even bicurious and Male/Non-Binary V is his first boyfriend. The love scene could be different in which I feel he’d be the bottom this time, he’d be trying to tell you to go easy on him and saying how he hasn’t done this before. Honestly it’d be just a fluffy love scene with River and he gives me total bi or demisexual vibes. Also, he is a total switch but he is dom more than he is submissive.

Also, this should go without saying that I feel that you should be able to go on a date that is a sidequest with them or even be able to call them and plan dates out with your respectable partners and you can go to bars and food places or even your own place. It’d be nice to have that added in the game but it’d be a lot to do.

Alright so I promise to do girls next and I am totally down to writing about what should be included in Cyberpunk that could improve the game greatly, cause honestly I feel that the story is great and immersive but it’s everything that happens outside of the story that is kinda not done right. Also, send me asks about these possible scenarios such as a Takemura and V dinner date quest, lol.

[breakyeol]

— SQUIRM, BABY.

You don’t like Doh Kyungsoo. Especially not when he’s got his fingers buried knuckle deep inside of you and your seeing stars —goddamn stars!— but can’t make a sound unless you want the entire library to know exactly what he’s doing to you under the table.

┗ Pairing: Tutor!Kyungsoo x Reader

Genre: college au, tutor au, enemies w benefits au, smut

Words: 4.7k 

Rating: 18+

Warnings: strong language, sexual acts in a public setting, fingering

A/N; tomorrow is going to be my 1 year anniversary as an EXO-L!! oh my goodness that feels so crazy, time really flies. so here is a little present from me to you, enjoy lovelies!!

“These are all wrong,” Kyungsoo mutters blankly, “start over.”

A loud groan is ripped from your throat, the sound earning you more than a few sideways glares from the surrounding tables but you can’t really bring yourself to care. You’ve been here for two hours, studying one of the most intolerable subjects in the world: Calculus. The mere mention of its name made you shiver in disgust.

To be blunt, you’d always been shit at math. Numbers and equations were never your strong suit, not in high school and definitely not now with the added complexities of derivatives and differential equations (neither of which made even the slightest bit of sense to you). You much preferred the gentleness of literature and history to the strict logic and rules of mathematics and science. Unfortunately for you, the latter subjects were just as vital a part of your education, and opting out of them was not an option.

“Can’t we take a break?” You almost whine the question, pressing your fingers into your throbbing temples. “My brain feels like it’s going to explode.”

“No.”

You scowl at the bluntness of his rejection. “I’m paying you.” You point out, stabbing a finger into his bicep for emphasis. “Shouldn’t I have a say in when we take a break?”

He rolls his eyes, swatting your hand away and shoving the paper back in your direction. “I’m giving you your money’s worth. Do it again.”

You let out a noisy huff of air, slouching over dramatically in the stiff plastic chair until your chin is pressed against the cold table. “I hope you know I am deeply regretting some of my life decisions right about now.” You grumble, shooting him an icy glare that you hope conveys the absolute loathing you feel for both him and the set of problems laid before you.

“I thought that was a daily thing for you.”

Scoffing, you bury your mouth in the thick sleeve of your hoodie. “Your face is a daily thing for me.”

He doesn’t even bother to look at you, though you could almost feel the intensity of his deadpan. “I think that was the shittiest comeback I’ve ever heard.”

“Your face is the shittiest comeback I’ve ever heard.”

“You do realize that that makes absolutely no sense.”

“Your fa—”

“Shut up and do your work.”

He either doesn’t hear or consciously chooses to ignore the colorful array of curses you grumble spitefully in his direction, though simultaneously resigning yourself to the fact that you won’t be able to put off your work inevitably. Kyungsoo was a stickler for proper time management. If he had an agenda set in place for your tutoring session (which he always did), then you better believe he’d be checking off each item within its designated time frame. And if you don’t cooperate— well then, your best bet is to pray that there isn’t a mechanical pencil within his reach.

He might not always be able to reach the top shelf, but Kyungsoo had ways of getting what he wanted. Usually, that chilling glare was enough to get those around him to bend to his will. He could be a scary little shit when he wanted to be. You’ll admit, even you had been the tiniest bit intimidated when you first met him. He was quiet, reserved, strict in manner, but also the dangerous unpredictable type, you gathered that much quickly enough. Maybe that’s why the two of you didn’t get on too well.

Where he was cool and standoffish, “a man of few words” some might say, you were more vocal about your opinions, social by nature, always eager to meet new people and make new connections. You had a tendency to speak loudly when excited and talk with your hands when passionate about a subject. That was something most people learned about you very quickly. Unfortunately, upon your first official meeting at a party in your freshman year with your mutual friends, Kyungsoo had no idea just how emphatic you could be until you’d knocked his drink clean out of his hand and spilled it down the front of his brand new shirt.

It was an accident, of course. You’d apologized profusely and he’d accepted it (albeit somewhat begrudgingly), but that was probably the first of many missteps in your... unique relationship.

With such conflicting personalities, it was understandable that you got into frequent arguments about one thing or another. Petty disagreements would often grow into something larger than they really needed to be. Mostly because despite having such contrasting personalities, you shared the trait of innate stubbornness, neither of you willing to admit when you were wrong. It was easy to argue with him, and you liked when you proved him wrong. You liked the way his brows furrowed and his cheeks flushed. You liked the way he glared, the way his lips pouted. You like the challenge he presented you with every time he opened his mouth. Above, you loved to win. Especially when it was against him.

So you pushed, and he pushed right back. And before you knew it, you found yourself a proper ‘frenemy’, though you aren’t sure that that’s quite the right word to describe whatever it was you two were.

But that’s just how the two of you are, how you’d always been. If you were being honest, riling him, seeing that usually so stoic, so controlled expression crack when you pushed just the right buttons— it was fun. You thoroughly enjoyed fucking with him, discovering new and creative ways to get under his skin. And you knew he got just as much satisfaction from doing the same to you, rendering you speechless with witty comebacks, flustering you with his sharp tongue and impressive rebukes.

So really, was it such a terrible thing?

Not to mention, a number of not-so-terrible things occurred as a result of one of your many arguments, such as hiring him as your calculus tutor. One that started out with you claiming he would probably be the shittiest teacher to ever exist (which seemed a valid argument at the time considering how short tempered and impatient he could be *cough* with you *cough*) to which he rebutted with the claim that he could “teach a goldfish advanced calculus” if he set his mind to it, and considering that you “had an IQ equivalent to one”, he could without a doubt teach you. His words, obviously.

It just so happened that you had a calculus exam coming up that next week, so to prove his point, he tutored you for the three days preceding said test. Even though you loathe being proven wrong, you ended up getting one of the highest scores you’d ever gotten on a math test in your entire academic career.

Putting your pride aside, you made the suggestion that he continue to tutor you. He only agreed when you offered him green in exchange for his troubles and admitted that he was right (it took a few extra hours to convince yourself that your grades should be held above your ego before you could bring yourself to verbally admit defeat).

And now here you are, not flunking out of calculus. You’d consider that worthy of the bruise to your pride, even if only by a small margin.

“Kyungsoo, why’d you mark this one wrong?” You frown at the large red X marking problem two as incorrect. You’d been glaring at your scribbled work for almost two minutes, running over the problem in your head, but you couldn’t seem to figure out where he thought you’d gone wrong. It looks right enough to you.

Kyungsoo shifts over to get a better look, his arms pressing against yours in the process and you are briefly stunned by the sudden, unexpected closeness, wholly unable to stop yourself from noticing the faint, woody scent of his aftershave that caresses your senses. Fuck. You can’t tell if you hate or love the fact that he smelled so good. Partly love it because good hygiene is always something to admire in a man (even if that man was Doh Kyungsoo), partly hate it because dammit it’s Doh Kyungsoo and you loathe finding anything that has to do with him attractive. Plus, it’s distracting. You’re here trying to learn and he has the audacity to go around smelling like pine trees and fresh moss after a rainfall. Unfair.

“Right here.”

The scowl you don’t realize you’re wearing immediately drops away as the low baritone of his voice thrums through the cavity of your ribcage and you lean forward to see exactly what he’s pointing at.

“You multiplied straight through instead of distributing.” He explains further upon seeing the uncertainty on your face. A few seconds of further inspection and you finally see what he’s talking about.

“Fuck,” you hiss, “I’m so stupid.”

“It’s an easy mistake to make.” He reassures.

“Yeah, but I should know that by now, I should’ve—” you turn your head, only to nearly choke on air as you discover that any space that once existed between the two of you has virtually disappeared, “... seen it.”

He’s close, so close that you can feel the cool rush of his breath against your skin as he exhales, goosebumps bristling across your arms in response. He’s close. Too close. You can’t think straight, can’t even breathe. The moment that surrounds you feels fragile, like even the slightest disruption would rupture it completely.

Frozen, you can only swallow around the sudden dryness of your mouth as your treacherous eyes drop to trace the plush line of his lips. Who even has lips like that? They’re just so big and so pink, that dark, kissable kind of pink that every girl just wishes her lips could be. You, included. They look soft, and you can’t help but to wonder if they’d still taste like the strawberry bubblegum he’d been chewing on at the beginning of your tutoring session.

“Careful, ___.” The sound of Kyungsoo’s voice, raspier than you recall it being before and laced in a faintly taunting pitch, is enough to break you from your trance and, once freed, you whip your head around fast enough to give yourself whiplash.

“Fuck off.” You cough, jaw clenching as you attempt to drag your mind out from the gutter and back onto the calculus problems you have yet to correct. But for whatever reason your brain refuses to cooperate, instead filling your head with images of his pretty mouth and everything it could be doing instead of rambling on about something as uninteresting as calculus. Damnit.

No doubt seeing the distress written clearly across your face, Kyungsoo chuckles, the sound low and smooth where it drips from his lips, and a familiar heat blossoms in the pit of your stomach.

You can feel his eyes on you now, every cell of your being suddenly hyperaware of his presence beside you. The pressure of his knee where it nudges against yours, the teasing curl of his lips as he watches you struggle to focus, the warmth of his palm caressing up your thigh, the— wait what?

Your gaze whips down, breath hitching at the sight of Kyungsoo’s hand gently gripping the lagging clad flesh just above your knee. It’s another few seconds before you’re able to find your voice again.

“W– What’re you—?”

“Focus.” He cuts you off smoothly, fingers soothing over the inside of your leg, squeezing gently. When you don’t look away from him, he smirks, jerking his chin forward in a manner you can only interpret as challenging. There’s a familiar glint in his eye, a dangerous glint that doesn’t fail to provoke your competitive side. You know that look well. He’s challenging you.

And you don’t back down from a challenge.

Especially not from Doh Kyungsoo.

Determination flairs up inside of you, your jaw clenching as you strike him with a single, heated glare that read plain and simple ‘you. are. on.’ before honing all your attention onto the worksheet in front of you. It’s not too difficult to focus at first, to disregard the tingles that erupt across your skin where his hot touch sears into it. You manage to find and correct your error in one of the problems (impressive for you even if Kyungsoo wasn’t feeling your leg up under the table).

But whatever pride you find in doing so is quickly quelled when his hand suddenly shifts higher, and you feel the faintest pressure against your heat. It’s a sensation that robs you of your ability to breathe entirely for a handful of seconds, and you can’t stop the shiver that ripples down your spine.

This, you see, is one of the more recent developments in your oh-so complicated relationship with Doh Kyungsoo. Yet another that began with a disagreement at a party, over something you can’t even remember anymore thanks to the haze of alcohol that clouded both your minds at the time, that spiraled way out of proportion. You remember yelling at him, insulting him, stabbing your finger into his chest, feeling the sting of his lethal glare. God, he’d looked so pissed off, and you just fed off of it, fed off the rage and the frustration that festered like lava in those dark brown eyes. The angrier he got, the harder you pushed, until he finally snapped.

You’re still not sure what you expected to happen. What you expected him to do. But you sure as hell hadn’t anticipated him grabbing you by the throat and pulling you into one of the hottest, most mind numbing kisses you’d ever experienced.

Next thing you remember is being in a bed. Whose bed it was, isn’t important. What is important, however, is the fact that that night you had the best sex of your entire life with the man you thought you couldn’t stand.

Hate sex with Doh Kyungsoo opened your eyes to a whole new world of mind boggling pleasure that you’d never experienced before. Pleasure that no other person had ever been able to give you. God, the things he did to you. No one had ever touched you like that before. It was like he knew all the places on your body that made you unravel. He honestly ruined all other men for you that night because none have even come close to comparing. Which was beyond frustrating especially considering that, at the time, you thought it was a one time thing.

The morning after you both pretended that nothing happened. In the two weeks following as well, neither one of you mentioned it. You tried to erase the memory from your brain, tried to go back to normal, but it was hard considering every time you needed some sexual release (which was more often than you care to admit), it was his hands, his mouth, his cock that you imagined while you touched yourself. You replayed his moans in your head, his deep, rasping voice growling your name, and fuck, you never came harder.

But it was still nothing compared to the real thing.

As time passed you only grew more and more frustrated. Worst of all, you could tell he was feeling it too. It was obvious in the way he looked at you, with fire burning in eyes, in the way he spoke to you, with a pitch of something hot and wanting in his voice, in the way he lost his cool far quicker and far more often than he had in the past, your arguments fiercer and more frequent than they���d ever been. The tension between the two of you was palpable, thick enough to be cut with a knife. It got to the point where even your most oblivious of friends started noticing it as well, though they knew better than to voice their curiosity.

The second time it happened, you were both sober and, somehow, it was even better than you remembered. The pleasure was more intense, more overwhelming, a feeling you can’t even put into words. Then it kept happening. Late at night when he’d show up unannounced at your door. Early in the morning when you had an important exam later in the day and you needed some pre-test de-stressing. Between classes in the back seat of his car just because you could. At parties when your friends were too shit faced to notice the two of you slipping into an unoccupied bedroom.

Just sex. That’s what you both agreed to when it became blatantly obvious that your little ‘arrangement’ wouldn’t be coming to an end any time soon. No strings. Just sex. Just really, really good sex.

And that was perfectly fine by you.

Exhaling shakily through your nose, you try to block out the feeling of his thumb as it begins to caress gently up and down your clothed core, suddenly very grateful for the layers of fabric that separate you from his intoxicating touch. But it’s a gratitude that’s short lived. Just as you manage to adjust and scribble down a correction, he cups his hand over your mound and squeezes. A gasp escapes you, and you try to cover up the sound with a series of short coughs, the sting embarrassment intertwining with the warmth of pleasure as a few eyes briefly glance in your direction.

“You’re such an asshole.” You hiss under your breath, thighs tightening around his hand, locking it in place.

He throws you a lopsided grin, brows lifting and you don’t miss the glimmer of amusement in his eyes. “I’ve been called worse.” What he means is you’ve called him worse.

Your lips part, but any intelligible words die on the tip of your tongue as he grinds the heel of his palm down, directly against your clit. Your head drops, eyes squeezing shut, teeth locking down firmly on your lower lip in order to silence the soft moan that threatens to break free.

“F- fuck.”

You hear him coo tauntingly beside you at your slip, the tips of his skilled fingers easily locating your entrance and prodding experimentally. At this point, you don’t doubt he can feel the fabric of your leggings growing hot and wet with your arousal.

Despite being used to the quick effect he had on your body, you can help but to feel the slightest twinge of shame at how he was able to rile you up this much with little more than a few well-placed strokes of his fingers. But fuck, it felt so good. You’d already been feeling somewhat deprived since you’d both been so busy this past week with exams and projects and what not. This is the first time you’re spending time with him since almost a week ago.

And you are in need of a fix.

“You look like you’re having a bit of trouble on that problem. Do you need my help?” Kyungsoo leans into you, his face right up next to yours, and you have to resist the sudden urge to kiss him right then in there in front of everyone in the stupid library.

Instead, you grit out an unconvincing, “I’m fine,” and force yourself to stay focused on the dizzying mess of numbers and letters on the worksheet in front of you and not on the delicious warmth of his hand where it is applying just the right amount of pressure to keep you teetering between pleasure and the insatiable need for more.

“You sure?” There’s a certain lightness to his voice that tells you he is thoroughly enjoying watching you struggle. Sadistic bastard.

“Positive.”

And just like that, he’s gone. You almost gasp as a rush of cold air fills the places he had been, and you can’t help the frown that tugs at the corners of your lips, disappointment and irritation coloring your features before you can reel them in. From the corner of your eye, you chance a glance in his direction. The smug, knowing little smirk staining his lips sends a wave of heat pulsing into your cheeks, and you grit your teeth in frustration.

“So what, you’re just going to stop?” You whisper sharply, not making any attempt whatsoever to hide your annoyance.

A look of feigned innocence overcomes his features. “You said you didn’t need my help.”

You grit your teeth, glaring at him as hard as you can manage with how incredibly turned on you are. But he remains unfazed.

“If you want my help,” he continues, voice dropping an entire octave, “you’re going to have to ask for it... nicely.”

Nice wasn’t a word in your vocabulary when Kyungsoo was involved.

Seeing the resistance you are still putting up, he feathers his fingers over your thigh, tracing slow designs across the thin, black fabric. You swallow, unable to look away as they trail dangerously higher, teasing closer to where you both knew you wanted them most.

“You do want it, don’t you?”

Fuck, you want it so bad.

You know that he knows you want it. It’s just the getting yourself to actually say it out loud part that proves to be a challenge. But that’s exactly what he wants you to do, he wants to hear you say it, wants to see you cast aside your stubborn pride and beg for it. Beg for him.

Lifting your eyes, you glance unsurely around the library. It isn’t overly crowded anymore since most of the other students have begun to trickle out as late afternoon approaches. Plus, the table you were seated at was tucked into the far back corner of the room, secluded and out of the way. But still, your nerves buzzed at the thought of someone seeing. Though maybe — just maybe — there was a buzz of something else as well. Excitement, perhaps?

Grip tightening around your pencil, you chewed on the corner of your lip, refusing to meet Kyungsoo’s penetrating gaze as you let out a soft murmur. “...ease.”

He leans closer, mirth shimmering in his eyes. “What was that? I couldn’t quite hear you.”

Groaning, you shoot him a scowl, shoulders slumping in defeat. “Please help me, asshole.”

Laughter bubbles at his lips, the genuine kind that makes his cheeks lift and his nose wrinkle. You like it when he laughs like that. Makes him look a lot less like a serial killer.

Sinking his teeth into the pillowy flesh of his lower lip to stifle his laughter, he shoots you a lazy grin, “that’s all you had to say.”

Next thing you know, his hand is slipping beneath the elastic of your leggings and into the soft cotton confines of your underwear. Your mouth fell open, a sharp inhale filling your lungs with cold air as his fingers slid through your slick folds.

“I knew you were wet but shit.” He hisses, thick brows furrowing at the feeling of your heavy arousal coating the length of his digits. “I must say, I’m flattered.”

“Don’t be,” you breathe, eyes fluttering, “even Chanyeol can get me this— ngh!”

Without warning, he plunges his middle finger inside of you, and the remainder of your sentence pitches into a strangled moan. One look at his face, jaw clenched, nostrils flared, lips down turned, tells you he isn’t all too pleased at the mention of another man’s name, especially when he’s the one buried knuckle deep in your greedy cunt.

A hazy smirk curls onto your lips and you let out a low hum of pleasure, walls squeezing around him. “You’re sexy when you’re mad.”

“Is that why you enjoy pissing me off so much?” He questions, tone biting and low, and you shutter involuntarily as he rolls the pad of his thumb harshly over your aching clit.

“Partly.” You admit, somewhat breathless. “But you’re also just a really fun person to piss off.”

He chuckles dryly in response, though the sound lacks any genuine amusement. “You are such a brat, you know that?” He emphasizes the word by stretching you around a second finger, and you have to drop your pencil in favor of clasping your hand over your mouth, unable to swallow down the soft whimpers that tremble up your throat.

“You love it.” You manage to get out before you’re forced to bite into the tender flesh of your palm to muffle a desperate cry when the slow thrusts of his digits suddenly picks up speed. Your thighs squeeze around his hand, hips jerking up to grind your throbbing clit against the heel of his palm. Electricity ricochets through your veins, and you feel that distinctive tightening in the pit of your stomach. Kyungsoo also feels the way you throb and clench around him, and makes sure to grind down hard against your swollen clit.

Heat immediately spreads through your core, the intensity of the pleasure becoming more than you can handle. “Oh god, Kyungsoo.” Your voice comes out louder than you intended, and you quickly duck your head, doing your best to make it seem like you’re focusing on your work and not the fingers drilling relentlessly into your g-spot, praying to god that no one had seen the blissed out expression on your face. Still, you can’t help the quiet whine that escapes you when his ministrations slow.

“Are you trying to get us caught?” He asks in less than a whisper, breath hot against the shell of your ear. “Ever hear of subtlety?”

“Ever hear of suck my dick?” You snap back without missing a beat, only to jolt as his fingers curl inside of you, pressing directly against that sensitive bundle of nerves. Every muscle in your body tenses, and fuck you’re so close you can almost taste it. Frantically, you thrust your hips, desperately trying to fuck yourself down on his digits.

“Sit still.” He growls, and you quiver when he sinks his teeth into the lobe of your ear, obeying only because you really don’t want to get banned from the campus library if someone happened to catch on.

“Soo— fuck,” the force with which you bite into your lip is nearly about to break the skin, but you can’t be bothered by the pain, not with how quickly your orgasm was approaching. Sensing as much, Kyungsoo goes the extra mile of drawing hard, fast figure eights over your clit with his thumb while simultaneously thrusting his fingers into you so fast that you swear you can almost hear it.

All at once fire roars through your veins, euphoria consuming you as your high crashes over you. Your walls spasm around his digits, painting them with your release.

He doesn’t withdraw from you until you go slack, thighs spreading, body slumping back in your chair, eyes fluttering as a hazy, blissed out smile touches your lips. You can only watch through hooded lids as he brings his glistening fingers to his mouth, sighing in amazement as he sucks them clean. There’s a twinge of arousal in your core as he moans softly at the taste of you on his tongue, a downright lethal sound that somehow manages to rouse your positively spent pussy.

This man is going to be the absolute death of you one of these days.

“Fuck.” You chuckle airily, heady gaze flickered over him lazily, only to do a double take when you notice something standing upright beneath the zipper of his jeans. The corners of your lips twirled into a mirthful grin, eyebrows raising slowly.

“Need some help with that?”

“Yes.” He answers shamelessly and without hesitation, grunting softly as he adjusts himself in the tight confines of his jeans to make the raging hard-on he’s sporting somewhat less obvious. “But not here.”

“I figured. So... your car or mine?”

“Didn’t you just get a new one with reclining seats?” He questions, running the tip of his tongue over the seam of his lip at the mere implication.

You strike him with a wicked grin, already beginning to shove your things into your bag. “I did indeed.”

“Then what are we— wait.”

“What?”

“You didn’t finish correcting the worksheet yet.” He points out, drumming his fingers across the paper that had completely slipped your mind.

You pull a face, pausing in the act of gathering your belongings long enough to cross your arms pointedly over your chest. “No offense, Kyungsoo, sweetheart, but I’d much rather suck your dick than do one more of those stupid fucking calc problems.”

His brows leap to his hairline, and he offers a single nod of acceptance, in no position to argue with such a valid point.

“Noted.”

[earthplacement]

Pick a Pile Tarot Reading - What's next for you?

Disclaimer: This is just for entertainment! Please don't make any life decisions based off my reading, nor can i guarantee that my reading applies to you.

if you want to tip, my Venmo is @earthplacement !

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Let's get started, Choose a picture that resonates!

PILE 1

The truth is important to you right now. Maybe you've been lied to, found out someone else isn't being truthful, or maybe you're even having trouble with the legal system. It will take work to get out of the situation you're in, or bring justice to light. You'll be aided by someone else, who will make you feel secure. You'll reach some sort of agreement with whoever's honesty you're doubting. Be sure to keep your temper under control through this, or things will not lean in your favor!

You'll receive some sort of good news, probably pertaining to yourself! This will give you a calm sense of self, and you may find yourself wanting to connect with other people. If you're offered a short trip or a chance to go somewhere new, take the chance! You'll have a great time. Just keep your happiness in check so others don't get jealous of you (unless you like that sort of thing [: )

Check your relationships for someone who seems to be able to give you more than what you deem reasonable, or seems like a really good person. All that glitters is not gold, look beyond the curtain and see who that person really is. If you find something that upsets you or makes you uncomfortable, don't be afraid to walk away. You may feel happier that way, even if you've known this person a long time. If they try to retaliate, know that you have the upper hand. This work needs to be done! Doing it will invite brightness and strength into your life. Beware of deception in the future. Seriously, I got like 3 different cards about this.

You may receive important information, possibly having to do with money. If that news is negative, understand that you didn't do anything to get in that position.

PILE 2

I sense happiness or celebration in your future, probably for the completion of something! Your funds may go up, or you may go on vacation. Good feelings all around! Things may feel happy at home. This is the beginning of a new chapter for you!

Be careful of moving through life too fast. These negative feelings will add up, and you'll start to feel the pressure. Look to family (especially feminine figures) for guidance, and don't let the world turn your sensitive side into a bad thing. The world may make you feel frustrated, but remember this new chapter is a time to build relationships! You might even meet someone new, or deepen a relationship with your current partner.

Visitors may come with messages! Listen to the people you see less often. Don't shut them out- be wary of being alone too often! You may feel burdened by a lot, but please reach out for help. It's okay to take some time to relax. Remember you will come out on top if you give yourself some time! A masculine figure will help you draw your troubles to a close. Let go of your emotions!

Good things will happen at work. Be aware of your power! Money may change, and remember to keep your interests at heart when dealing with any offers.

Be aware! Surprises are in store! New beginnings may arise for you, and they might come at you fast! You will learn that not all negatives are truly bad, and there is good in everything.

PILE 3

Has a big decision impacted your life lately? If not, one will! It may have to do with a gentle masculine figure. Don't be afraid to be outspoken! This decision may calm things down for you. You'll feel balanced! You'll need to remove any biases to make the decision, though. Avoid the option that will make you feel trapped. Any delay involving it will prove necessary. A sense of relief will wash over you at its conclusion.

This is a time for manifestation! The divine are listening.

Work on your confidence and inner strength. Understand that this is a process, and there will be delays. This will make you happier. You may need this strength to do things you never thought you could before! This is a time to celebrate, but be wary of your spending. Money may need to be restricted.

A person of authority may give you good news. It may be about a new opportunity! Use this time to free yourself from things holding you back, but be aware of those who may be jealous of you. This may start arguments! If needed, think outside the box about the best course of action. Your emotions may be up and down during this time.

[life-rewritten]

WE BEST LOVE  (Fighting Mr 2nd) DEYI and The Theme of Control and Power

You know that show that you know you can talk about forever and be obsessed with, although it seems pretty simple and not really that complicated to analyse and break down? Well, We Best Love (WBL) is precisely that in the most amazing way. I'm not shocked because I've always been a fan of the History Series, especially with this writer and how she creates her projects; it's not surprising that WBL happens to be the most comfortable show to lean into. It feels like entering a cheesy, cute, romantic novel. Yet, it still is the most angsty, passionate, drama-filled plot enough to make you want to run into the screen and comfort these comfort characters, scream at them when they're not making sense, and keep watching despite the pain when you feel like they've gone too far. And I kept quiet and watched season 1 of WBL. I was entranced and in love because it was so simple, but it felt perfect for me; it was a distraction, it made me smile, and it also made my heart quiver. I adored all the actors, and I also enjoyed how the storyline was told. It doesn't have to be so deep and full of clues, but there were facets to the characters, clear set rules in understanding their character roles, and small hints building in the last episode that all was not well and a lot was coming for our couple in the future. It broke my heart because season 1 was focused on the immaturity and naiveness of how we feel when we enter university for the first time; the excitement, but still innocence of hopefully finding someone to mesh with, and yet the dumbness/naivety that can distract us or slow us down before knowing who that person is. Season 1 was light, funny, and sweet because that's how our doe-eyed souls feel when we first enter college and get to discover who we are. Season 2, on the other hand, is focusing on maturity, actually dealing with our flaws, coping with the responsibilities and hardships of life, duty and obligation vs wants and need; the characters are older now, affected by the world's cruelties/situations and now have walls up higher than before. 

And in order to help us get that vibe, even more, our couple's relationship is put through the wringer, hearts torn, misunderstandings prolonged unfairly, and everyone broken just staying in a state of pining, longing and anger, anger, at what was lost to them; the innocence/fun of falling in love, the guise of being in control, and the joy of being free and dumb in love. It isn't a surprise to see our main character, Shide and Shu Yi, see their flaws fleshed out more in the open and actually increased and exposed for us, the audience, to watch and dislike. Shu Yi's short temper becomes even more exposed as he struggles to have control over his past and feelings for Shide once they reunite, and Shide's withdrawal of emotions also becomes even more strained and put on focus as he also realises what he has lost. Both of them enter this sick twisted, and tense need for control and power that their relationship becomes intense and full of passion hidden behind the anger and resentment. So I'm going to break down the idea of Control and Power with these twos relationship, a certain theme that has been there since season 1, and why now it's something both rivals are struggling to obtain to win, especially Shuyi, who is determined this time to not be Mr 2nd when it comes to Shide again. Hence the title Fighting Mr 2nd.

Misunderstandings and Miscommunications

Let's first focus on the miscommunication/ separation at hand. This exposed so much already about how these two felt about the power they hold over the other. Let's first look at what season 1 exposed; for Shide, Shuyi has always had control over him since the moment his young self told him that he would be a companion to him whenever he was lonely. Shide has desperately loved Shuyi and did everything possible to ensure he kept Shuyi's focus on him no matter what. The way he decided to do this was to put himself in a place more powerful than Shuyi; he put himself always ahead of Shuyi, ensuring he was always number one no matter what. This was how he controlled the situation; for him, as long as Shuyi noticed him, he was happy to continue hoping for a change and also making him react. In Shide's mind, he never wanted to force/ make Shuyi fall for him because he didn't think it was possible. He just wanted to be by his side (as a 'friend') until graduation was over.This shows me already some stuff about their relationship. How Shide perceives Shuyi; one, he didn't trust in Shuyi's love as being as strong as he was. He even says it to Shuyi on the bridge when they confessed to each other. For him, Shuyi was always the 'lucky' one; the one in control, the real winner because he had him in his palm of his hand. Shuyi was the one who made him whipped, the one he chased after secretly for 8 years or more. Shuyi has always been the one with the hold over him. Immediately they got together, Shide also tells Shouyi his confusion but the happiness that Shuyi is also feeling the same towards him.

Shide can't believe the switch in Shuyi's personality and actions for him; Shuyi still tried to play of Shide's grand confessions of love in the last episode, and Shide was okay as long as Shuyi kept paying attention to him. But in my head, it showed that Shide didn't think Shuyi's love was as unconditional, as strong, as uncontrollable as his. He didn't know he had any hold over Shuyi. He thought it was his constant love and chase that won Shuyi in the end, so what happens when he thinks he pushed Shuyi away? In Shide's perspective, he's the one who slacked behind and pushed Shuyi away by disappearing for 5 years, which fair enough makes sense; Shuyi has every right to be angry at being ghosted. But Shide blames himself and thinks it's because his show of love was weakened and slowed down that it caused Shuyi to retreat and walk away easily. Because he wasn't fighting anymore for their love, he lost Shuyi's attention. Again this suggests how fickle he believes Shuyi's feelings are and how still in his head he believes he's the one with the long-lasting love/feelings.

Shide's personality is someone who likes to be in control (like Shuyi but for different ways and reasons); he's kind of had to always be; ever since his dad died, he's had to try and make it his goal to become stronger and better to take care of his mum, and to ensure they live well. This is connected to the theme of Duty and Obligation in the show.  Even in Season 1, the reason he has to leave for America for a bit is to ensure his mum settles in nicely. Even after that, he's again the one responsible for ensuring whoever was sick in America was taken care of. It's because of his need to be responsible and be in control that Shuyi always feels distanced from him (mocked, misunderstood, and hurt). Shide is someone who likes to keep a calm demeanour. He likes to take things on by himself; he likes to not show when he's hurting or alone (apart from that one time as a kid where he broke down on Shuyi). In fact, it might be because Shuyi is the only one who did see him in his vulnerable state and gave him an aim to become stronger that made him cling on to his love for him and devote himself to his love for him. But in looking so in control of his emotions, Shuyi always saw Shide as someone who loved winning and making him feel like a fool. In season 1, he thought Shide did it on purpose to see him lose control and be a mess, and in season 2, he's resorted back to that thinking. Let's look at why?

No 1 for You (Shide’s pov)  vs Fighting Mr 2nd (Shuyi’s pov)

Shuyi did not also understand the proper depth of Shide's feelings. I guess we should have seen it coming that he didn't fully understand how deep they were, he had heard ideas from Shide's mother, he had heard grand declarations from Shide (after he was the one to pry it out of him), but he didn't actually trust it fully. I think because he didn't fully trust both their sexualities and identities when it came to their feelings. Like I said, we should have seen it coming when he admits he doesn't want to fall for a guy, but also it's because it's Shide he's okay with being in love. However, people complained about this because in BL, we're tired of the I love you, not boys trajectory always chosen. However, it was more than that. I think because of what's embedded in people's minds at a young age (due to society),  there might have also been, as a result of that,  hints of internalised homophobia (IH) with Shuyi. And that's why it made sense for him to wither and assume that Shide truly would be with someone else and be married and have kids. Because of IH, Shuyi may have automatically thought it made sense that Shide would move on, get married and have kids in America (hence as he said in episode 1,  he was disqualified by choice) because, in his head, he didn't understand Shide's love and devotion for him.

It also points to insecurity and fear that he might not be enough/the better option for Shide. One of his pet peeves was that he was always coming second to Shide, he was always being seen by himself as second best, and he probably also thought he had become the second-best option to Shide living a great 'fulfilled' life according to 'society' where he is married to a wife and has kids. This is why in the special episode, he also gives up easily and wishes him the best refusing to actually question why Shide would do this to him after all the stupid and grand promises he made a year ago before he left. Promises of marriage, promises of devotion, of being his family etc. Of course, this felt like Shuyi was thoroughly mocked and lowered because he had lost again to Shide by letting his heart trust him and wait for him. Now, in season 2, he's determined to not do that too. To not lose control of his heart ever again. To not fail to Shide in any way, shape or form ever again.

Shuyi; The Guise of Control

Shide is always acting on the surface like he's in control, causing Shuyi to always think he's more vulnerable and a fool, and it makes season 2 make more sense. Even if Shide says, he'll make Shuyi look at him again, how on earth is he meant to ever let that happen? He literally manipulated the situation in season 1 and got Shuyi's walls down only for him just to cheat on him, so how can Shuyi trust just his actions on the surface?

No matter how devoted Shide is looking, even at the end finally showing a hint of losing control under Shuyi's hold which Shuyi was not expecting because he thought Shide will always want to again be 'proper'.  And in the past, it was Shuyi who always pushed for skinship once they started dating; Shide always again acted like he hadn't been affected; this was discussed actually in that final episode. Even if on the surface Shide looked affected, Shuyi wouldn't trust that. Because Shide is always holding back whilst Shuyi always feels like a fool, never being able to control himself around him, never being able to control his emotions or have a poker face around him. From the first episode in season 1, Shuyi has always been uncontrollable when it came to Shide, whilst Shide always came out looking cool.

Shuyi always ended up in the most vulnerable shameful state (forgetfully hurting himself in reaction to Shide's presence, being the one distracted and bothered by skinship in the last episode whilst Shide studied, or even being exposed and screaming down a bridge, his love for Shide to make Shide come out and say how he feels). Shuyi always ended up being weakened and frustrated because Shide seemed like he had everything in order. Shuyi is now adamant he's lying or that Shuyi is still the one who's more in love with him (his biggest fear). For example, the slap he gives to Shide (exposed his lack of control of emotions around Shide) and yet Shide immediately tried to control the situation, making Shuyi again look like the irrational one and the most affected one. Also, as mentioned it Shuyi (in Shuyi's head), who proceeded to force/get Shide to confess. Because Shide was too focused on controlling his environment, avoiding the situation, holding back his feelings, whilst Shuyi's emotions always get the best of him and caused him to still lose in front of Shide. Basically letting Shide get his way all the time. And by doing that, it was Shuyi who ended up waiting for a year and then being 'cheated' on, being ghosted with his heart shattered.

The Fear of Weakness and Vulnerability

Other examples are Shide going to Shuyi's house and ignoring him in his own home (again, Shuyi can't even control his environment when it comes to Shide, everything he owns feels little because Shide seems to have a hold over him in everything), and proceeding to make him the fried rice. Even as the vice president who's meant to be in control and be in charge of letting go of people (which his father is pressuring him to do, he has no choice in the matter), Shide is the CEO (a higher position)  of the company and is adamant on convincing Shuyi to do no such thing. It's a big fear to Shuyi, which is why he's determined to ensure he does fire these people because if he doesn't, It means he's again coinciding underneath Shide's hold over him, over everything he has, including his heart.

The act of making fried rice in Shuyi's house as if nothing is going on, Shide ignoring his tantrums and outbursts does again what Shuyi hates, makes him feel stupid, weak and vulnerable. It makes him feel like he's losing again to Shide. This is why I think he really has no other option in his mind to win but to use emotions and feelings (what he can't control) as a weapon to capture Shide. By making Shide fall for him emotionally and then being the one to break his heart, that's how Shuyi thinks he'll finally be able to break down Shide's calm, façade that he's always in control, that's how he stops being Mr Second. Obviously, it's a stupid idea because Shuyi literally becomes weakened just by being in Shide's presence. To be anywhere intimate with him, he will only resort to his own emotions being, even more, harder to handle even if he tries to play it off as just attraction.

And for both of them, control is even harder physically with emotions because they've been 'starved' of each other's presence for 5 years, of each other's touch and connection. As shown in episode 1 of FMS, they're both in a state of pining, longing and waiting for one of them to give in. For 5 years, Shuyi was secretly fighting against the truth that he had been waiting for Shide to return even when he tried to focus all his energy and heart into hate and bitterness (to distract him from the pain of waiting). Shuyi never wanted to give up on hope, never wanted to let go of Shide, because it's out of his control to forget or move on. He couldn't do that even if he tried. This is why he also tries again to use a power play with a fake girlfriend that he couldn't remember the name for.  Every single sentence he said was how he compared himself to the girl he thought Shide cheated on him with. He was saying it to hurt Shide, but in the end, he was still exposing his own hurt and insecurity about why he thought Shide left him.

Shide; Control Vs Sacrifice

Meanwhile, the audience all know that, on the other hand, Shide is the one who has no control over the matter. No matter what he seems like on the surface/ in front of Shuyi, Shide is completely tired, weak and frustrated once he sees Shuyi again. It's frustrating because the only time he shows his emotions is once Shuyi isn't looking; he cries only after Shuyi has left, always holding his feelings and only letting it out when he's by himself. Although to Shuyi, it seems he's in control, being the CEO, being the one who disappeared for 5 years, being the one who is successful and influential, Shuyi couldn't be more opposite in his thoughts. Shide has no control over the CEO position; it's not a job he chose for himself, it's not what he wanted to do, he did it because of again his responsibility to his mother and family. Shide isn't the one who chose to disappear for 5 years in America; he again had no control over the situation because someone else was ill, and he had to be the one to help his family again become stable. And lastly, Shide isn't successful and as influential as he's sold his company to Shuyi's father, so he actually isn't in control of his position, of his life essentially. What Shuyi sees as control is unfortunate because it's actually Shide's sacrifice; he's had to lose what he actually wants to be in that position. All he's ever wanted is Shuyi. Ironic no?

Even in Season 1, when he seemed to be the one controlling the situation, he wasn't; he always did everything to get Shuyi, and for 8 years him being 'in control/winner' as Shuyi puts it wasn't him winning because he always didn't get Shuyi's heart before he confessed. And that's what's so heartbreaking about Shuyi's misunderstanding of Shide; when he first sees Shide in the past in his memories, he doesn't know the moment Shide fell for him; he just sees Shide winning over him, he doesn't even notice the first person who had control over the other was him, because he already took Shide's heart, trust and devotion. This is why Shide told him he was the lucky one; he was the one who was winning, who was always in control. Not Shide.

Love and It’s Hold and Power

And again, although Shide is the one he thinks he's second-best to. Shuyi has a lot of power over everyone else since he was young. He's been a spoilt, rich boy who's had control over his friends (in a positive way like they felt they had to watch him and babysit him), he's had control due to his father's power, and he's had control now over Shide just due to again his father's job and his heritage. And I think that's why he can't stand the fact that no matter what he does when he's with Shide, he loses all of that power; he's reduced to wanting to do something for someone, like in season 1, washing the dishes, being humble, exposing his feelings to Shide so loudly and vulnerably. Shide is the only person who makes him want to do all that, and he hates it. It's why when the employees in episode 1 call him again Shide's girlfriend (even though literally Shide bending down to tie his laces is an act of losing control and him being in control of him), it bothers him because it makes him look weak. He's the one flustered by the actions; his heart is shaken by the movement. What he sees about Shide vs what's genuinely being shown/exposed is so opposite, so of course, they're more prone to misunderstandings because they've always both seen the situation very differently.

So WBL has always been using this theme of Control vs Power with Shide and Shuyi. And how, because of love, both of them feel this lack of control over each other. Mostly from season 1, when Shide gets closer to Shuyi using the idea of rivalry to see who can win over each other, even though he gives in always to Shuyi on purpose. Shuyi's misunderstanding has always been an issue since episode 1, since even when Shide kissed him in the pool. This time around in season 2, we get to deal with the actual seriousness/reciprocation of what that misunderstanding and fear of lack of control can do to them. And how others can manipulate that (Shuyi's father probably). Either way, these twos relationship has become angst central because Shuyi really is fighting Mr second, he's determined this time not to lose to Shide no matter what and he's finally using like the last way he can possibly gain control over Shide. His body. The most vulnerable part of a person is exposed when they sleep with someone else; by getting Shide to even want to give in to him as he requested, he can expose everything about Shide, his weakness, his heart, his truths. Hence, it makes sense the relationship is using attraction and chemistry as a powerful tool for the storyline. Shuyi isn't going to be able to even go through with anything because he's just as vulnerable and weak with Shide as Shide is with him.

I love angst, and I love power plays and fight for control in rivals to lovers stories. I love misunderstandings and requited, but they don't know the trope. I just really enjoy WBL, and I'm so excited to see what happens next. Looks like Shide is finally going to lose that façade he has on the surface once he breaks down under the influence of alcohol; probably, poor boy has been suffering so much. And I think both of them will soon need to gain control over their situation together so they can defeat the obstacles that come in the form of Shuyi's father, society, company issues etc. So yeh, I'm loving this, and it's such a breath of fresh air. Friday is too far away, sigh.

[violet-knox]

The Family Secret

Chapter 3: Deep Breaths

Pairing: Young!Snape x Reader

Summary: You finally make it home, safe and sound, happy to welcome Severus into your family. Finally you feel at ease until you’re woken in the middle of the night.

Word count: 4087

Previous Chapter - Chapter 1 

Severus had barely any time to sleep before it was your turn to be dropped off, the conductor glaring down the bus in your direction when he called your name. You were too tired to care for the overgrown child holding a grudge on you because your boyfriend was irritable. Your eyes were heavy with exhaustion and it took everything you had to stay awake, telling yourself you were almost there as the bus swerved around the town. 

“Sev,” you whispered, lightly shaking his shoulders to wake him. “Severus.”

You heard him groan in protest, he cuddled into your side as if you were waking him to head to class. You ran your fingers through his hair and smiled as he hummed in response and for the first time that night, you saw a look of content reflected on his face. He was no longer worried about what you might think of him, whether you’d leave him to the horrors of his family or not. He no longer cared what his parents might do, how they may react. None of it mattered anymore. He’d left Spinner’s End, never to return and for the first time in his life, he knew without a doubt he had someone who cared and loved him back. 

“It’s time to go,” you urged him, trying to push him up. Pulling himself off you with a groan, he rubbed his tired eyes, trying to shake off his sleep. He looked worse than he had before he’d fallen asleep, a giant bruise on the side of his jaw making itself apparent and you could only hope that was the extent of his injuries.

“Already?” He spoke like he had the flu, his voice heavy with pain, harsh like his throat was made of sandpaper. 

“I’m afraid so,” you chuckled, gently tucking his hair behind his ear, your fingers hovering over his bruise tracing its outline. Your smile slowly faded into a frown, Severus grasping your wrist when he saw the sadness in your eyes. The last thing he wanted was for you to worry over him. Wounds heal, but it's hard to change the way people view others, something he was all too familiar with, and he didn’t want you to see him like some helpless child that needed your protection. 

Placing his hand over yours, he peeled it away from his face, gripping it tightly instead, hoping to assure you he was fine. Your eyes met his and you felt your worries melt away as you focussed on him. Severus smiled as he watched your expression soften, relieved you wouldn’t make a big deal over his injuries. Leaning in, he tilted his head and pressed his lips to yours, his hand finding itself in your hair as he kissed you. You eagerly kissed back, forgetting about last night, forgetting you’d just helped him run away from home and how worried your parents must have been when you didn’t come home yesterday. You focussed on his touch, his kiss, his love for you and left behind any concerns about what was to happen next. 

“(Y/L/N)!” Shouted the conductor. You pulled yourself away from him, Severus leaning in to keep your lips connected for as long as possible, a small whimper of complaint escaping his lips as you stood up, pushing back the curtains to find Kipling glaring down the bus in your direction. “Your stop!”

You rose your hand to thank the man and turned back to Severus, raising an eyebrow as you suppressed a laugh. You’d never seen a man as old as Kepling hold a grudge over the way a teenager had treated him, but you found the absurdity of the situation absolutely hilarious and apparently so did Severus. He no longer seemed short tempered towards the man, his mood improved after the short nap he’d taken. There were no words to express the relief you felt seeing him happy, watching the life return to his body.   

As Severus took his time to get up from off the bed, you removed the charm on the trunk and pulled on the handle to reveal it from where it hid. Once the bus came to an abrupt halt, Severus took the other side of the trunk and you both made your way off the bus. Kipling glared at you both, arms crossed as you passed him by, saying absolutely nothing when you tried to thank him. The second you’d stepped off the bus, the doors slammed shut and the bus was gone, leaving you in the dark once again. 

You shook your head at the insane night you’d had, hoping that your arrival at your destination meant the nightmare was over, that you could both finally get some rest. You glanced over to Severus who looked rather confused, glaring at the house you’d been dropped off at. It wasn’t enormous, but it was large enough for you to know never to mention it to Severus all these years, knowing how he’d feel about your family’s fortune. But it wasn’t just the size of the house that Severus found quite shocking, it was the fact that it was the only house on the street alive at four-thirty in the morning. The first floor was completely lit and he could see movements in what he assumed was the kitchen. 

“My father’s a doctor,” you explained as you pushed open the gate and made your way up to the door. You’d mentioned previously both your parents were Muggles, but you’d never cared to share what they did, always avoiding the question when he asked, feeling guilty when he told you his mother was unemployed and his father was a factory worker. You never minded of course, but the way he looked when he told you of his parent’s work status, you could tell he was ashamed.  

“What?” Severus looked confused as if your statement couldn’t possibly explain why your house was awake, hoping the reason wasn’t because of him and your choice to stay at Spinner’s End last night. You giggled as you set down the trunk to search for your keys, realizing he had no reason to understand the job of a Muggle doctor. Ever since you’d left for Hogwarts, you’d felt yourself detach from the Muggle world more and more, your parents the only reason you keep in touch

“He works the night shift Thursday through Saturday,” you told him. “He always leaves for work around seven pm and then returns at four in the morning.”

“But why? That sounds like a horrible schedule to keep,” Severus asked, staring at the window where your father’s shadow was shown holding a mug and reading a book. He found it strange for someone to want to work such hours, especially when the entire country was asleep right now. 

“He didn’t pick his schedule,” you said as you pushed open the door and pocketed your keys. Severus watched the figure in the kitchen turn towards the sound of the front door opening before setting down the mug and book to make his way into the sitting room. Stepping inside, he helped you carry his trunk inside before you shut the door. 

“(Y/N)?!” Severus watched your father quickly make his way into the room, clearly concerned for you. “Where have you been?!”

He’d barely thrown Severus a quick glance before focussing his attention on you. His reaction wasn’t one Severus had ever imagined coming from a parent, his own never glancing twice if he stayed out late so long as he was there in the morning for chores. Your father cared for you, the panic of harm coming your way evident in his eyes. He would have been jealous long ago as he always was when he saw others with their parents, but he felt happy watching him hug you. He wanted you to be loved, to have people worry over you, to have what he didn’t. 

“I-I know I said I’d be home by midnight. I’m sorry, something came up. I-” you spoke apologetically, your eyes trying to calm him as you both kept your arms hooked on one another. You peered over in Severus’ direction and he saw the smallest sliver of a smile on your face, like he was part of the family, being welcomed home instead of the intruder he truly was. “Can Severus stay here for a while?”

The man shifted his glance to Severus, letting you go as his eyes scanned him over. He felt self-conscious as he waited in anticipation for the man’s answer, to see if this house would reject him, claiming him unworthy like Lily’s had. He knew how he looked, bruised, hair likely dripping with oil, clothing dirty and torn. He wasn’t exactly in the ideal state to be meeting your father, let alone barging into his home at four in the morning asking for a place to stay. 

“What happened?” your father asked.

“Can-can we talk about it in the morning?” You pleaded with your eyes, too exhausted to do anything but sleep. You both needed to rest after the night you’d had, after you’d made your escape. Severus was free of that horrible house and you just wanted to make sure he was okay rather than argue with your father right now. 

It seemed as though hours would pass by as you both stood there, staring at the man, his arms crossed, eyes squinting, glancing between you and Severus. Neither of you knew what you’d do if he said no. You didn’t have enough money to find a place to stay and going back to Spinner’s End wasn’t an option. He had to say yes, there was no other choice. You’d fight for him to stay with you, at least for the night and if it came to it, you’d figure out what to do tomorrow, take it one day at a time. Finally, your father relaxed his posture, his arms falling by his side as he let out a sigh in defeat.

“Fine. Uh, Severus, you can stay in our guest room,” he agreed to your terms, pointing to the door beside the staircase down the hall. 

“Papa please, can he stay in my room? Just for tonight? Please?” You pushed your luck and Severus could hardly believe your daring attitude. It was enough for your father to agree to let him stay, generous of him considering he’d never met Severus before, but you had concerns. Severus was getting weaker with each moment that passed. He was physically, mentally and emotionally strained from everything that had happened and you wanted him by your side in case anything were to happen.

“Absolutely not.” Your father rejected your request as predicted. 

“Please Papa? It’s been a long night and I don’t want to leave him.” You took Severus’ hand and pressed his arm into your chest, hoping to sway your father. You knew he had a soft spot for you; being an only child did have its perks, at least with your father. 

“Please,” you begged, smiling as you held Severus tighter, your boyfriend likely completely red in the face by now from the situation, but you couldn’t risk taking your eyes of your father to find out. He kept glancing away from you, shaking his head, rolling his eyes at your stubborn behaviour, but you kept your position, never letting up.  

“Fine. But keep your door open,” he finally agreed, and you relaxed your grasp on Severus, happy you wouldn’t have to leave his side just yet. 

“Thank you!” you sang in glee as you turned your eyes to Severus, smiling when you saw his hair fallen around him, what little you could see of his face, beet red. He was embarrassed of course, ashamed he had to ask for help from the parents of the person he’d been dating, who he loved and wanted to make a good impression for. It wasn’t supposed to go this way. He wasn’t supposed to stand there in front of the man like a beggar, a homeless student with nothing to show for but the clothes on his back and the trunk you’d helped him lug around. The way the man looked at him now, pity in his eyes, a look of remorse, this wasn’t the way it was supposed to go. 

“Go upstairs and I’ll fetch my first aid kit.” your father ordered, looking rather concerned for Severus. He was paler than usual, his skin whiter than paper, his eyes bloodshot and his breaths heavier than ever before. You’d been so concerned with your travels, getting him to safety, you’d hardly noticed how discoloured he was. 

Picking up one side of the trunk, Severus grabbed hold of the other as he followed you up the stairs to your room. Your room was at least three times larger than his, your bed holding a queen-sized mattress, pillows fluffier than a Pygmy Puff, a large desk organized with as much supplies as you could ever need. None of it a shock to him considering the size and location of the house. You placed the trunk against the wall between your closet and the door before flicking on the light to your room. You’d barely invited Severus to have a seat on the bed before your father came back into the room, setting the first aid kit onto your desk and unzipping it. 

Severus rose a brow at you, doubting how effective Muggle medicine could be, but he let your father examine him nonetheless. Having you by his side was all that gave him the strength to pull through all this. He looked down at his hand, watching your fingers slip through his palm to interlock with his. Your touch was medicine enough for him, the cream your father had given him for the bruises useless when you’d spent all of last night mending his heart.

“I’ll be fine,” Severus insisted, the man asking Severus to remove his shirt so he could examine his chest. “I just need some rest.”

You were about to protest, to insist he let your father look him over properly, but you knew how tired he was, how badly he needed a good night's rest and for all you knew, his evident pain was all due to lack of sleep. Smiling at your father, you agreed with Severus, wanting to rest as well and put last night behind you. Your father reluctantly gave Severus a few painkillers before putting away his kit, realizing how hard of a day you’d both had and began to make his way out of the room. 

“We will discuss this in the morning,” he said, standing by the door. You nodded and stood to remove your shoes, socks and jacket, deciding to sleep in the clothing you had on and change in the morning.

“Goodnight,” you said, watching him leave you be and make his way across the hall to his own room. Looking back to Severus, you let out a sigh of relief, closed your eyes and tilted your head back. It was over. You’d made it. He was safe, he was home. 

Severus walked over to you and gently placed his hands around you, his touch feather light as you let the weight lift off your shoulders. You eased into him, returning his hug and you both held each other, engulfed in the silence; the beautiful sound of peace and freedom. You held onto the moment, smiling as you each leaned on the other, trusting one another. You couldn’t help but hum in delight, breaking the cherished silence between you.

“Thank you,” he whispered, his voice silky smooth, soft like the clouds in the sky. He was grateful for you, for everything you were to him, for simply existing. He’d spend the rest of his life trying to repay the gift you’d given him tonight, breaking him out of the chains that weighed him down his entire life. 

You snuggled into him, your fingers running through his hair in comfort, your face sore from smiling for so long. You loved him so much, your heart fluttering as you held him, thinking about spending your summer together, happy and safe. The events you’d witnessed yesterday, the way he was treated in that house was a nightmare you never thought he’d suffered through, his life resembling that of a prisoner than a poor Cokeworth boy living on the wrong side of town. 

Neither of you knew how long you’d stood there for, but when your legs could take no more, they walked you both to the bed, your hands interlocked until you managed to find your way under the covers. Like a moth to a flame, your bodies held onto each other tightly, your limbs tangled in one another, his face nuzzled deep in the crook of your neck, your lips pressed against his hair, taking in his scent as sleep welcomed you with open arms. It took no more than five minutes for you both to drift off, dreaming of your futures, the possibilities that awaited you, the mends that could be made with those you’d both said goodbye to long ago. Severus had closed the door on his past, his family, but you’d kicked open a hundred windows for him, opening his life up to so many opportunities. He was no longer tied down to live as the boy with massive piles of debt passed down from his parents, trying to work his way out of poverty. He was the boy with great potential, the boy with love to help him concur anything thrown his way. 

You wanted nothing but the best for Severus and the Sandman had granted you that wish tonight, your dreams filled with aspiration for him, watching him complete his Mastery in Potions and rise to be known as the Wizarding World's most successful portioner. He’d be awarded an Order of Merlin and you’d be there by his side to support him, always. You gasped in amazement at his achievements, gasped when he told you he couldn’t live without you, gasped on the day of your wedding, gasped-

When you woke at the sound of alarmingly desperate gasps, a sound like none other you’d heard before, like a wounded animal screaming for its life. Your eyes wanted to stay closed, to shield you from the horror of the real world. Go back to sleep, life was kinder in your dreams. Severus was gasping for air like he was drowning, unable to come back to the surface. Your body jolted up when you finally realized what was going on. 

“Severus!? Sev!” You sat, kneeling beside him on the bed, your hands cupping his cheek, hoping to wake him from this nightmare, that you’d both wake up perfectly happy again. His eyes opened the slightest bit before rolling back into his head again, his chest desperately grasping for air. “Severus please!”

Tears swelled in your eyes as you begged him, begged Merlin, begged the universe for this to stop. It was a dream, a horrible nightmare. It had to be, this couldn’t be real. This couldn’t be happening. You were happy, you were safe, you’d saved him. No, no, no, no!

“Papa!” You shouted through your cries, your mind unable to grasp the situation, screaming at you. Your body tensed, your arms wrapped around him desperately. You could do nothing more than cry, to hug him, to shout and scream, your thoughts too scrambled to think to do anything else. 

Both your parents came running into your room, your mother turning on the light and your heart dropped as you saw the colour completely lost from Severus’ face. He was a ghost, a mere image of the boy you loved. Your vision blurred as your tears thickened, carrying every memory of him that flashed through your mind, every plan you’d imagined for your futures together. Your own throat closed up, no longer accepting air as you screeched lowly. Please.

“(Y/N)! Get off the bed!” your father ordered, but you couldn’t process his words, anything past the perimeter of your bed miles away to you. You couldn’t focus on anything but the state of your boyfriend. He was barely breathing, his eyes refusing to open, his blood no longer pumping through his body. The world was lost to your mind. You didn’t want to accept it, you couldn’t think that way, he was still here, he was still with you, he was still alive. 

You felt yourself being pulled back into reality as your mother hugged you from behind, dragging you off the bed. Your body was too weak to function, too focussed on the panic you felt that you fell backwards in your mother's arms, bring you both down to the ground as she held you, your tears falling to the floor as you watched your father take your place, tearing at Severus’ shirt to examine him.

“His lung collapsed,” your father stated so casually, like Severus was just another one of his patients, like he meant nothing to him. Your blood boiled at the absurdity of his words. How could his lung have collapsed? What had his father done to him last night? How had he managed to travel on the Knight Bus with you? Your mind burned with questions, your tears drying as your panic turned into rage. Anger covered up your fear, wanting to blame someone, to go back to Spinner’s End and make those horrible people undo the damage they’d done to their son. You struggled to keep yourself grounded as your mother slowly let go of you, your father’s words muted to your ears as he spoke.   

“Grab the car keys and call the hospital, let them know I’m on my way with an emergency patient,” he said to your mother who immediately ran out of the room. Her heavy footsteps echoed in our head, your vision finally returning to you as you watched your father pull Severus to the edge of the bed.  

“I-I can take him to St. Mungo’s,” you managed to say, finally grasping the situation and trying to think of the best way to help Severus. “They-they have better treatment, faster treatment.”

“It’s too far away. By the time we even reach London he’ll-” Your father shook his head as he slowly gathered Severus in his arms, lifting him off the bed to carry him out the door. He paused and looked back at you, seeing the pain in your eyes, the worry and sorrow. 

“He’ll be fine (Y/N). Just, go help your mother,” he tried to assure you, but his tone told a different story than his words. He was just as worried as you were and that frightened you more than anything. You let out a shaky breath, trying to push aside your despair before nodding slowly and turning on your feet to run over and grab the keys to the car, your father making his way after you with Severus. Your mum got off the phone just as you picked up the car keys and ran to unlock the car, following behind you in a haste. 

Tears returned to your eyes as your father entered the garage after you, Severus lying lifeless in his arms. Your bottom lip trembled as you pushed down your emotions, trying to stay strong for him. It would do no good to resume your state of panic, it would do him no good. You had to stay strong for the both of you. For Severus you would stay silent, you would hold him and cast every healing spell you could think of on your way to the hospital. You’d keep yourself from falling apart for the sake of his life, his future. You couldn’t let yourself mourn him because he wasn’t gone. He had an entire life to live and so you fought just as his body was fighting to keep him alive. Together you would fight through this, you’d survive and come out the other end stronger than before. You’d conquered over so much pain and agony within the last few years together, there was no reason for you to give up now. You were going to fight off death, win his life back and re-join each other on the other side of the battlefield, you were sure of it. It was love that brought you home tonight and it was love that would bring him back to you again. 

~

Next Chapter

~

@dracos-mudblood​ @darkthought15​ @severuslovebot​ @mitchiesdungeon​ @bush-viper-cutie​ @ravenhopeflyte54​ @wanderingtrails @sleepysnapesnake​ @lizlil​ @eave3​ @cuddlebunny0330​

[blitzturtles]

Title: Get What You Need (Ao3)

Rating: Teen and Up

Fandom: JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Vento Aureo

Pairing(s): GioMis or Giorno & Mista (Platonic or Pre-Relationship)

Summary: “All of them,” Giorno breathes the words in a near rush of panic. His stomach turns at merely hearing the list. His resolve crumbles in an instant, and it’s only worsened when he makes the mistake of looking down at his hands, clasped together in his lap. He picks idly at the cuticle of one thumb with the nail of the other in a desperate attempt to keep himself calm. The more worked up he gets, the worse the cramps are, and they’re already rolling through him too often to be ignored.

Notes: Trigger Warnings: Dysphoria; Gio experiences quite a bit of it, and it's not very nice.

Guess who had a period from hell.

Trigger Warnings: Gender dysphoria! Giorno struggles with it quite a bit throughout the fic.

1. Bucci's also trans, 2. Polnareff is alive (so is everyone else for that matter.), and 3. Bruno being trans is not a secret/Mista isn't actually outing him here.

-

“I would like to rearrange a few meetings,” Giorno says, choosing his words carefully, so he can gauge Polnareff’s reaction.

Without missing a beat, Polnareff answers, “Of course. Which were you interested in moving? There’s the two after lunch, the one with Dura at three, and Abba-”

“All of them,” Giorno breathes the words in a near rush of panic. His stomach turns at merely hearing the list. His resolve crumbles in an instant, and it’s only worsened when he makes the mistake of looking down at his hands, clasped together in his lap. He picks idly at the cuticle of one thumb with the nail of the other in a desperate attempt to keep himself calm. The more worked up he gets, the worse the cramps are, and they’re already rolling through him too often to be ignored.

Polnareff looks momentarily surprised, but he schools his expression quickly and reaches underneath his chair to where he keeps a notebook safely tucked away. He pulls his pen from the spiral binding and looks to Giorno with sheer determination.

“Any-- preferences? On when I reschedule these to?”

“Two or three days from now at the earliest,” Giorno knows it’s risky. A bad idea at best and a great way to destroy several very fragile relationships at worst, but he’s reaching a breaking point. His eyes are already burning, and he can’t ignore the hopeless feeling gripping him any more than he can ignore the way blood continues to fill the pad he’s wearing. He’s too hyper-aware of both, and there’s nothing worse than showing weakness in front of a pack of dogs, most of whom were raised by the streets in some form or fashion. With the exception, of course, of the nepotistic sort, though Giorno doesn’t generally think much of them. They’re certainly not the threat that the others can be when left unchecked.

Polnareff, to his credit, only nods and makes a note of the request. He pauses a moment, clearly chewing something over in his mind, and it’s likely only their close relationship that allows him to ask, “Are you alright?”

“I’ll be fine,” which is a non-answer, but it’s the best Polnareff is getting from him when he feels like this: weak, vulnerable. Disgusting. Wrong. If he could tear the skin off his body, he would.

Polnareff nods again. There’s a lingering look in his good eye that Giorno thinks might be concern. Possibly displeasure at being blatantly left in the dark when it’s Polnareff’s job to be as informed as possible, though the man says nothing of it and simply wishes Giorno well before departing from the office altogether. He uses Chariot to open the door for him and wheels away without any actual protest.

It’s all Giorno can do to hold his breath until the moment the door clicks shut, and he deflates immediately over the edge of his desk. He slumps forward on the wood and tries hard to bite back the quiet, senseless sobs that bubble up in his chest. It’s ridiculous. The whole thing is ridiculous. He should be able to handle this, even if it has been awhile. He can’t fall apart the moment his period decides to rear its ugly head as one of the worst reminders of what he isn’t. What he fails to be. Yet here he is, crying over his desk like a child, though his sobs are silent. Even now, years later, he hasn’t shaken that habit.

______

Mista startles out of his light doze thanks to a text. He flails about uselessly, arms smacking into the side door of the car before he remembers where he is (and who he’s with, if the short-tempered, “Watch it!”, is anything to go by). It takes him another moment to figure out where he left his phone, and it’s only because of Five that he finds it at all.

“Thanks, buddy,” he says as he pulls the screen up for the last message he received. He blinks in surprise at the body of the first text.

Meetings are canceled.

Under any other circumstance, Mista would be hooping and hollering in delight. Meetings being canceled means that Mista doesn’t have to stand around pointlessly for hours while some morons try to talk circles around Giorno of all people, but there’s a gnawing worry that grows in his gut. Giorno doesn’t cancel meetings unless he’s physically unable to be there. Usually when a mission has carried over and kept them from home for too long. The next text does little to quail his anxiety.

You should check in on him anyway.

Mista doesn’t need to be told who ‘him’ is, and he doesn’t need to be told twice. He’s already planning on it once they get back to the mansion.

______

Giorno extracts himself from his desk after a few more minutes of self-pity. There’s only so much of it he can stand at any given time. More importantly, he doesn’t want anyone to happen by before he has a chance to compose himself, which is exactly what he does. He pulls a small mirror from his desk and grimaces at the red, puffy eyes that look back at him.

He’s part way through fixing his hair when another cramp hits. Sharp and agonizing with the way it pierces through his middle and spreads outwards, toward his hips. He doubles over with his arms hugging around his middle. It’s instinct more than anything. God knows it doesn’t help alleviate the pain any.

It takes him a solid sixty seconds before he can work up the courage to unravel. He half expects the next wave to roll through him the moment he does, but there’s a blessed lack of follow up. For the time being. He doesn’t expect that to last. It never does.

His chest aches with the effort that it takes to keep his breathing even. The binder isn’t helping, but he’s not about to try to wiggle out of it in his office. His only option is to get himself up and back to his bedroom, but that sounds like a momentous task on it’s own. Somehow he has to get there without being brought to his knees by cramps or hit with another wave of despair or-- well, being perceived at all. One look at his face will give him away. Maybe they won’t know why, but they’ll know that something is wrong, and that’s bad enough.

He finally manages to get his hair to a presentable level again when someone knocks on the door to his office, and his heart drops down to his stomach. He glances back at the mirror one more time before shoving it in his desk. His eyes are definitely still puffy, though some of the redness has dissipated.

“Giorno?” Mista asks, poking the door open slightly when Giorno doesn’t immediately respond. It’s only then that Giorno realizes that his voice is caught in his throat, and he gets a second, far more concerned call of his name for his hesitance.

“I’m fine,” he says quickly. Too quickly. Mista might not read people as well as Bucciarati, but he’s still acutely aware of certain details (the ones that matter! Mista’s voice echoes in his head.)

“Uh,” Mista starts, a little lamely, but he quickly shakes off any reserves he has about being direct if his next words are anything to go by, “No offense, but you look like shit, so I’m pretty sure you’re not. Actually.”

Giorno falters slightly. He should have texted Mista after Polnareff left. Should have explained the situation in the vaguest possible terms. And definitely should have come up with an excuse. But he had done none of those things, and now he’s stuck with the repercussions of his own actions. Or inactions.

“It’s not important,” he tries. Pathetic as it is.

“You canceled all your meetings for today,” and Giorno supposes he set himself up for that. He hasn’t come up with an excuse yet, especially not one that adequately explains away his behavior.

Silence stretches between them. Giorno for lack of an answer, and Mista because he seems to expect Giorno to cave. To the Don’s great horror, he does just that.

“It really isn’t that big of a deal. I’m just--” only, before he can finish speaking, another cramp grabs hold and twists mercilessly until he’s gasping and leaning forward with both hands clenching at the edge of his desk. He closes his eyes, as if to shut out the pain, or possibly the reality of the situation as it registers in the back of his mind.

“Giorno!” Mista calls, loud and panicked. He lunges forward to close the gap between them, though he hesitates once he’s within touching distance. “Giorno?”

“I’m fine, just-- cramps,” Giorno confesses, grinding his teeth together as the next one rips through him. Equally as painful as the last and as impossible to ignore. He feels his cheeks burn the way his eyes are once again, and all he wants is to crawl under his desk and hide away from the world. It’s not often that he wishes he could be nobody again, but now is certainly one of those times.

“Cramps?” Mista asks with confusion evident in his voice, but then his eyes go wide. He scans Giorno over, as if that might give him the affirmative he needs. “Like Bucci’s?”

Giorno doesn’t actually know what that means, but he nods anyway. Close enough, and it means he doesn’t have to explain anything else.

“Okay, okay, shit--!” Mista sounds a bit more panicked now. More like how Giorno feels being flayed open like this in front of one of the people he actually cares about. Whose opinion actually means something to him. “God, he hasn’t had them in so long. Fuck, uh? Heat. Oh, and we should probably get you into something more comfortable. Have you taken anything?”

What?

Giorno’s mind skips and stutters into a complete stall. He’s not sure what Bucciarati has to do with anything, but he’s suddenly sure that the answer is more closely linked than he had originally thought.

“Gio?”

“Yes,” Giorno grinds out, because he did, though he’s nearing the end of the four hour period before he can take the next dose, and he’s tempted to swallow as much as he can fit into his fist. The damage is something he can deal with later. With his Stand, but he knows it won’t help. The efficacy of such medication is limited, but it hurts. It hurts, and he’s just outed himself to one of his closest friends with no warning. No preparation. Anxiety works its way up his throat, and he thinks, for a moment, that he might be sick.

“C’mon, let’s get you out of here,” Mista says, bringing Giorno back out of his thoughts and back into reality. He tugs gently at Giorno’s upper arm.

Giorno lets himself be pulled up to his feet with a sort of numbness spreading through him. For all the panic that’s coursing through his veins, there is one, lucid thought: Mista isn’t upset. He’s taken the news and simply rolled with it like it means nothing. Like it doesn’t change anything, and Giorno doesn’t know how to handle that, so he just lets himself be pulled along. Out from behind his desk and toward the office entrance.

From there it’s a long, impossible trek to Giorno’s bedroom. One that requires breaks for the cramps that won’t let him off so easily. For a moment, he wishes it were a bullet tearing apart his insides. That, at least, he could do something about, but cramps are something else entirely. Using GE won’t get him anywhere. In fact, he’s pretty sure it’s made it worse in the past, when he’s tried out of pure desperation.

“I’m going to go grab a heating pad,” Mista starts once they reach Giorno’s bedroom, “You should get changed into something less-- tight. Got any stretchy pants?”

“My pajamas,” Giorno answers, more because it seems expected of him than because he’s actually paying attention.

“Perfect! I’ll be back in a minute.”

Giorno’s left standing there, a bit lost for what to do with himself, but the next shock of pain comes and fresh tears burn at the corners of his eyes, reminding him of the fact that he really doesn’t want to be in the middle of the hall, visibly crying for all to see. There’s a logical part of him that knows he wouldn’t be judged for it, but there’s a much louder part that reminds him that crying has never gotten him anywhere in life other than alone and miserable.

He turns the knob on his door and pushes it open after the agony subsides enough to allow him to move again. The first thing he does upon entering his room is seek out the pill bottle from earlier. A few minutes won’t make a difference, and he’s rapidly approaching the end of his rope. He can’t handle the pain on top of everything else.

Changing is a whole other problem. One that he hadn’t thought of as a problem until he’s standing there with his sleep clothes in hand and staring down at himself, realizing he’ll have to undress in order to redress (and is it really worth the effort? Worth seeing himself and his hips and his chest and--).

He peels out of his suit despite himself. He doesn’t want Mista to come back and push the subject. Then there’s the risk that Mista might not leave, which means Giorno will have to deal with an audience on top of having to suffer through his own self-hatred.

The binder stays on. Regardless of how uncomfortable and hot and painful he already is. He can’t handle the idea of taking it off right now, so he suffers for the little bit of mental peace that it brings him. The flattened chest makes up for the curve of his hips, though he finds himself flattening his hands over his waist anyway. Unable to stop himself from picking at every flaw when he’s already hormonal and all around having one of the worst days he’s had in awhile.

The knock at his door startles him into action, and he finishes getting dressed with a quick, “Hold on!”

A moment later has him opening the door to Mista’s grinning face.

“Found it,” Mista says as he holds up the box with a product image on it. Giorno doesn’t get a chance to observe more than the fact that it’s maroon before Mista drops it back down to his side and nods toward Giorno’s room.

Giorno steps out of the way to allow his (technically uninvited) guest in. Mista’s rambling on about something. Giorno isn’t sure what, though he catches ‘Bucciarati’ and ‘Trish’ in there somewhere, and there’s something about Abbacchio being unhelpful and half a dozen other things that fall on deaf ears.

“Oh, and you got changed, good,” Mista finishes with another one of his goofy smiles. The corners of his eyes pull oddly, giving away something else that he’s trying to hide under all the babbling and warmth. Worry persists, despite knowing the truth. Giorno can’t understand why. Cramps aren’t that big of a deal; even if he’s made them out to be in his own head.

“Yeah, it’s helping a little, thanks,” Giorno says when Mista looks at him with some sort of expectation in his eyes. Giorno’s usually better at reading people than this, but he feels like he’s moving in water. Too slow and with too much drag. He can’t keep up with the world around him, and it’s all overwhelming pressure and not enough time. Time to process, time to breathe. He loops back around to the fact that he came out to someone on the Team no more than ten minutes ago, yet Mista is unflinching and unconcerned. He hasn’t brought it back up, since he learned about it, in fact. Hell, he’s acting like all of this is completely normal, despite Giorno being almost completely certain that Mista is cis.

“Earth to Giorno,” Mista calls, voice soft with that same worry now seeping into his tone.

“Sorry,” Giorno says quickly, “I was--”

“Off in lala land?”

“Something like that,” though he thinks that sounds substantially more pleasant than all the thoughts racing through his mind.

Mista watches him for a long, uncomfortable moment. It’s times like these where Giorno gets reminded of just how much Mista likes to play dumb, when he’s anything but. He might not have the book smarts that Fugo has, but Mista is brilliant in so many other ways. Ways that are working against Giorno right now.

“You know, if you want to talk about it…”

“I-” Giorno cuts off and groans. He quickly takes a seat on the edge of his bed and sticks his head down between his knees, folding himself in half in an attempt to apply enough pressure to alleviate some of the pain.

“Oh, shit, here,” Mista moves to find an outlet and digs out the heating pad from its box. He hooks it up quickly and hands it to Giorno. The fabric of its exterior is surprisingly soft in Giorno’s hands, and he’s quick to tuck it between his abdomen and his thighs.

“Thank you,” he breathes out after several seconds pass and heat finally starts to spread across the pad.

“No problem,” Mista says quietly. More subdued than he typically is. He moves to sit on the bed beside Giorno and places a hesitant hand on his back, where he rubs gentle circles until he can feel some of the tension ease out of his Don’s muscles.

It’s quiet for a long while. Giorno basks in the relief the pad and pain killers offer. It’s the first time in over an hour that he’s been able to simply breathe through the worst of the cramps each time they hit. Though his chest continues to ache, the change is nonetheless a welcomed one. The sensation of heat spreading across his abdomen is enough of a distraction to keep him out of his own head. For a short while, at least.

“Earlier, you said something about Bucciarati,” Giorno starts, nervous and unsure of how to broach the topic.

“Oh yeah, Bucci used to get cramps real bad, too,” Mista says without hesitation. Without any hint whatsoever that he finds what he’s said to be unusual.

“Is he--?”

“Oh, shit,” Mista’s hand stills on his back, and Giorno gnaws suddenly at his lip, afraid he’s somehow messed with something he shouldn’t have. “Uh, technically that’s probably not my place to say? But he’s not exactly hiding it, Gio. He’s got scars and everything.”

Scars? Oh.

Oh.

Giorno feels his face flush, this time out of a different sort of embarrassment. Sure, he had seen the scars before, but they were light. Old and well healed, probably through the help of Sticky Fingers, and it’s not as though Bucciarati isn’t covered in dozens of others. Most of them silver from age, but there all the same. It had never once occurred to Giorno that the two on his chest, which peek out just a bit underneath the classic lingerie that Bucciarati always wears, are anything purposeful.

“I didn’t realize,” Giorno admits after a moment, when that little fact is probably very obvious and unnecessarily verbalized, but he doesn’t know what else to say to fill the silence. His own head is much louder. Full of racing thoughts and flashes of memories.

“Maybe you should talk to him about it sometime?” Particularly in moments like these; Mista spares his emotions by keeping that part to himself, but Giorno’s thinking it all the same.

To imagine that he’s been doing all of this in silence since meeting Bucciarati and his Team. To think that he could be so dense as to dismiss the signs that he isn’t alone. He only wishes he had realized sooner, even if he isn’t sure what it would have changed. He’s not sure he could have broached the subject then. He’s not sure he could do it now. Mista only found out because of circumstance.

Still. There’s someone just like him, and they live under the same roof. “I should,” he agrees, because he really should, hang-ups aside.

“Hey, you wanna try laying out? ‘Cause, no offense, man, but that looks super uncomfortable.” Mista asks after a beat of silence. He’s never one to let it go on for too long, and he’s rarely deterred by any uncomfortableness that might be lingering.

Giorno nods his head after a moment and slowly sits up. He moves his hands to hold the heating pad against his abdomen and breathes a small sigh of relief when the pain doesn’t immediately crowd in on him again. He carefully stretches himself out across the bed, despite how painfully aware of Mista’s presence he is. It’s weird to be laying out, so physically vulnerable, and it makes him acutely aware of all the things he wishes he could forget. (Is the outline of his binder visible? What about the shape of his hips? Does lying down like this make it that much more obvious how slight Giorno is?)

Once he’s lying back fully, he lets go of the pad, allowing it to rest on top of him on its own. The next wave of pain is far more manageable than the last several have been, and he merely winces in response.

“Those must suck, huh?”

“You have no idea.”

“I really don’t,” Mista agrees, “Though Trish and Bucci make it out to be pretty shitty, so.”

“I think I prefer being stabbed.”

Mista winces at the thought, “For what it’s worth, I’d rather you weren’t.”

Giorno lets out a startled laugh, but he gets Mista’s point. He kind of wishes his bodyguard weren’t so prone to being shot with multiple bullets on a regular basis. Unfortunately for both of them, they can’t always get what they want.

The quiet that settles over them this time is much more peaceful. Giorno closes his eyes and relaxes into the mattress. It’s the best he’s felt all day. Physically, anyway. There’s plenty for him to work through otherwise, but he doesn’t want to think about that right now. Instead, he focuses on the lessening cramps until they’ve all but died off entirely. Exhaustion takes hold of him then. It’s still far too early in the day to sleep, but a nap is beginning to sound like a good idea.

Before he can think about drifting off fully, he cracks his eyes open to peek at Mista, “Thank you.”

Mista beams at him from where he’s gone and laid out next to Giorno, “Anytime, GioGio. Anytime.”