#or do something nice m
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was talking to my butch last night about feelings and self perception and it’s weird that ppl see me as kind. not nice, but kind
#I think im a dick and a bad person and think ppl should leave me alone#but I can’t help but make friends or talk to ppl#in public for some reason ppl tend to like. go to me and feel safe asking me for help and stuff#or just start a random conversation with me#im not upset by it#I just wonder why#im pretty low empathy but I have very high emotional awareness#of both my emotions and other ppl so sometimes I can just#say what needs to be said#I always thought it was a gross and bad aspect#of my personality but Chevy thinks that that’s being truly kind#idk if u can make someone else’s day better for no cost and no real reason except you can#why not? It’s not being nice it’s just being a person#just because I don’t feel super duper connected to be ppl doesn’t mean I don’t like seeing ppls faces light up when I notice something#or do something nice m#like. idk it’s weird I thought I was like manipulative and shit#but I think that’s just? Being an okay person????#idk I always think im evil and fucked up but ppl keep telling me im kind and tjoughtful and shit#My self perception doesn’t match up to real life#or maybe I just know myself better than everyone and I AM manipulating everyone so good that I manipulated myself too
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You don't wish your disability was worse or more visible, you wish your disability was taken seriously. Please stop confusing the two, I guarantee you would not get the support you need JUST by being more severe or more visible. Please listen to visibly disabled people when we tell you it isn't better on our side
#m/cc#mine#I tried extremely hard to word this nicely because I KNOW people don't mean bad and often even know there are unique challenges#and believe me I know the challenges of invisible disability too!!#I have invisible disabilities!#but as someone who has also been at least visibly 'off' since they were 10 I am SO SICK of invisible disabilities being hailed as like#a unique extra oppression that us lucky visibly disabled people don't have to deal with#there are challenges to invisible disabilities that visibly disabled people DON'T have to deal with!#but you need to understand that *the reverse is also true*#there are MASSIVE benefits to being able to lie about your disability for example#or not dealing with the overt ableism that comes with your disability being obvious to everyone#*I do not have the option to pretend I'm not disabled.* that is never an option I have#I walk weirdly. I use a mobility aid now. my speech and face are 'off.' I lean to one side#for a long time I wore sunglasses 24/7 and often didn't make sense. I sometimes can't speak or won't react to others#for the most part people will always know that at the very least something is wrong with me#and more obviously I have people telling me they'll pray for me; telling me I can't do things I'm already in the process of doing;#wanting to shake my hand to tell me I'm an inspiration for not killing myself; giving me dirty looks for existing in public#and yes. I'm aware that this is very much an in-community issue. I know the average abled person doesn't know invisible disabilities exist#that's why there's so much awareness happening for it#but as a visibly disabled person I get SO TIRED of constantly hearing 'I wish my disability was visible :'('#it's just 'I wish I had your disability!' but from other disabled people
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it’s all the rest of what i want with you
connor dewar/brandon duhaime :: 8k
Summary:
“Brandon,” Connor says with a sigh. “There’s no baby in there.”
“Not yet,” Brandon says. Connor feels his stomach twist, almost like what he would imagine a baby kicking to feel like.
in these trying times of dewvorce, may i offer you 8k of pwp inspired by @stillfertile’s wonderful art which i had. several breakdowns about 🫶 anyway please enjoy!!!
#OFFICIAL FIC ANNOUNCEMENT 🗣️🗣️🗣️‼️‼️‼️ i wish i had pretty fic graphics but alas i have No Skill and also. so much work i should be doing bu#HI SHE’S HERE i would love to say this is a complete surprise drop except i have Anxiety & i needed to ask you guys about it beforehand#in my defense i started writing this in like. january far before any tragedy occurred#because square asked about my tags on their dewey2 art and she spawned like. a million more thoughts about it#including the part where i got absolutely kicked in the face with the lightning vision of those two lines.#like those two lines are the first actual lines of the fic i wrote ajdhkwdiowdjiw ANYWAY please be nice to me i know i am always like#‘this is not the first real fic i ever thought i’d post’ and if i had a nickel i’d have three but this is the first pwp i’ve ever posted#and it’s 8k and it’s not a fic for an exchange (although technically i did very much write this for the dewey^2 hivemind so.)#i have SO many things to say i have so many comments on this doc also i couldn’t pick a title for the LONGEST time and i finally decided on#this one but the full quote was too long:#all the rest of what i want with you that scares me shitless#so. i was angling SO hard to make a yung gravy lyric as a title bc i saw the video of him at a wild game but i couldn’t find a good one#and instead y’all got a very sentimental title l m a o.#liv in the replies#shout out to the extended universe this lives in and also my unhinged comments in the docs.#if you liked fun fuck a baby in him friday i’ll be here all week i promise i am the exact same in the comments as i am in the tags 🫡#the NUMBER of times i wrote something in this by pulling it out of my ass and then actually went back and did the research & was RIGHT is.#far too high. also the amount of coincidental things that dropped while i was writing this (yung gravy song about pregnancy AFTER i wheeze#laughed myself into a yung gravy title the athletic player poll confirming my restaurant & bar choices from googling ‘st. paul good bars’…)#also if anybody got advice on formatting for these little announcements. help. this is different from my miro/luka one &i’m still not happy
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very few shows actually pull off characters who genuinely suck but they're likable enough that you want to root for them anyway
#seinfeld may be the king of that#even when they try to do something nice they are all such toxic losers that they just can't get it done#and then homeland is the only other one i can really think of#m
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Potential September Reading
The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien (ideally in audio)
An English Squire by Christabel R. Coleridge
A Sherlock Holmes story (and/or a screen adaptation)
C.S. Lewis nonfiction
A sensation or mystery novel
A piece of one of the Psmith stories
Some kind of nonfiction book
#monthly reading lists#books#a nicely restrained list#mostly made up of my strong september associations#of course it's psmith pseptember so i must read at least a chapter or two#(i know too well that i don't have the discipline to expect more but i would like a taste)#sherlock holmes audiobooks made great commute reading during several septembers and now it's a vital part of the season#(i'll prob only read one or two short stories rather than try for a whole volume)#i've vaguely been feeling i'm due for a hobbit reread for a few months#but now it hit me strongly that i must read it in audio#(if i can't find a good audio version i'll have to skip that item)#i read 'surprised by joy' one september while my sister was in ireland and i was missing it#and now it feels right especially because there's an oxford academia vibe that's great for back-to-school#i want to read some kind of female-written mystery#but yet to decide if i want victorian sensation novel or agatha christie#or if i'll just try a vaguely gothic christian novel#an english squire gets on the list thanks to thatscarletflycatcher and it just feels right to have that be my next obscure classic#i wanted something for back-to-school but i didn't know if i wanted a non-psmith school story or what#so i just went with nonfiction because it's about me learning new things#also several things that didn't make the list but may be read#i was very close to putting the tenant of wildfell hall on the list#but i don't want the pressure#if i do read it it needs to be something i'm not required to do#i will probably try to finish chesterton's 'varied types'#and prob read more emma m lion#and maybe pride and prejudice on audio?
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I name all of my snake plants after Baltimore Orioles players because...I don't know why I do that.....anyway Adley (she/her pronouns according to my parents) and Adam Jones are making the trip with me but Chris Davis is TOO BIG FOR THE CAR and I'm so sad now. That was my emotional support snake plant through my FMLA leave. He has seen the worst of me (mental illness, forgot to water him for a month) and survived. Now he's like four feet tall and I have to leave him behind because he is so big that he takes up more than a third of my luggage space in the car 🥲 I took such good care of him that now he has to live independent of me. Goodbye Chris Davis I will think of you fondly as I encourage Adley to grow big and strong.
#all the trailing plants have to stay behind bc they got too long and crushable and elias the monstera has to stay bc my parents put him next#to katrina the monstera and now they are entangled and basically have to live together forever. also elias is halfway to ceiling#my parents name all their plants after the friends they rescued the plants from. my plants are all named after athletes#he got so big and strong with katrina who is AT the ceiling. katrina named after a trans woman btw. monstera rights#elias was a reclamation project for my parents bc i was struggling so much in life that he took a backseat. but he lived#i'm not good at anything but unkillable plants. so actually not very good at plants?#the 2019 draft class succulent garden is staying behind too as is nico and his babies (jade plant). they love california too much#but now...now i get to see what east coast plants i can acquire...and try not to kill#if i get another snake plant i will name him gunnar. or colton. i don't know who else is on the orioles. that guy with the hallmark channel#name. jackson holliday??? blorbos from my prompt meme's fanfics#maddy postoperation and m pindergarten can you guys advise please#fresno oilers.txt#GUYS i leave tomorrow and i'm so excited i can't sit still (<- caffeinated)(excited)(giant bowl of ice cream)(excited)#not to be corny. because things are going to be difficult. and i am scared my dog will die. and a lot of things are up in the air#and some of my career plans got 🌪️🌪️ due to circumstances out of my control in a way that is very anxiety-inducing#and what if the moving company loses one of the legs of my table or my dad's journals or my emotional support 3000 pieces of paper#but i keep thinking like even if it all ends up INCREDIBLY awful - it won't but even if - i will have space to do art and i will be within#walking distance of a farmer's market. so even if my life completely sucks i will be probably able to procure farmer's market bread#and eat it while drawing or collaging or making giant paper flowers. which i can't do right now#my friend j said something really nice to me. a lot of people have been like you are running from your problems this won't solve anything#but j said if you hadn't had every single part of your life in california blow up in a single calendar year i would be telling you to#man up and stay and fix it. but i think you need to reset completely bc it's been hard for so long and just keeps getting harder#i think if you get a chance to get your head straight and get away from everything compressing you here you'll do amazing#things for yourself and others. and if/when you come back you'll be better equipped to handle everything this state throws at you#i was like man don't make me emotional at this ballpark while i have an ice cream sundae melting on me#but yeah. yeah.#and i hope she's right!!!
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☺️ WHY CAN'T WE HAVE A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR MOM
#I THINK WE WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED AS A PERSON BY HER.#BUT SHE JUST.#AAAAUGH#IT'S OBVIOUS OUR SISTER IS THE FAVOURITE#OOOH [SIBLING] LET'S WATCH A MOVIE LET'S GO SHOPPING LET'S HANG OUT OOO#I WOULD LIKE TO DO THOSE THINGS MAYBE.#they invite us to watch movies yes but it's never something we enjoy#so like no.#i would like to not be so scared of her.#it owuld be nice. it'd be nice.#but being near her is walking on eggshells.#i want to ask her if we caj use her amazon account to buy Source Related Book but that's scary.#it's only.... like what 15$? i can ask her tonight but what if she screams at us.#i just want her to love us but she doesnt does she.#mm.#pk;m bill∆#anytime we have movie suggestions she always shuts us down.
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I miss my Pinterest account
#momazos diego#rant in tags#idc that it had just like 220 something followers#I had to delete all of them#I had been cultivating that since I was like in 5th grade#I POSTED A LOT OF THINGS ON PUNTEREST#I HAD SO SO MANY DRAWINGS#OVER 200#IT WAS FUN#I WAS HAPPY#but mom found out and I had to privatize it#I had such nice mutuals…#I miss them tbh#CAM and Jared if you’re seeing this (which I doubt but whatever) y’all were the best#also this mf who was only named M#sometimes when I chat with some mutuals in here I get reminded of them and I feel like flor morada#y baila lento flor morada q me recuerdas a mi amada 😿#dunno#*sighs*#btw im doing my best to hide this blog from my mom cuz it’s gonna be so so over for me if she find out abt either this or my Reddit acc#if one day i deactivate without further notice#I have been found#btw the tetó drawing was the last thing I posted to Pinterest before all that happened
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In response to ur post abt bunny outfits for scarabia... i have this one art thats been haunting me
https://mmm0rkgk.tumblr.com/post/710271705174638592/%E6%8F%8F%E3%81%84%E3%81%9F%E3%81%91%E3%81%A9%E6%94%BE%E7%BD%AE%E3%81%97%E3%81%A6%E3%81%9F%E7%B5%B5%E4%BE%9B%E9%A4%8A
ANON HI HELLO WHAT AHHH AFHLKDSFLDSK I'VE. SEEN THAT BEFORE.
SIR? JAMIL??????
SIRRRR???? SERVING????
IN THAT OUTFIT????
HRSKJFDKSFNADMSNFDJSL ??????
AGHHH I THINK THAT'S ALSO WHERE I GOT BUNNY OUTFIT IDEA FROM WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME REMEMBER IT AGAINNNN
(you would THINK that me spawning that post i'd remember the fanarts i’ve seen of jamil in a similar outfit but i DIDNT - )
OUGHGDKJSFALD MY BRAIN IS TRYING ITS BEST TO ROTATE ALL THIS JAM CONTENT
THERE IS SIMPLY NO MORE SPACE
THE UFCKING LAUNDRY MACHINE IS FULL TO BURSTING --
HELP ME
#[—✦ chatting#-✧ bawling#save me bunny jamil save me#bunny jamil save m#it's unfortunate how jamil simping hours is never over for me#im still too weak to do the rabbitwear / waiter bunny outfits btw#i simply am too ashamed#thank you for the ask anon 😭#(also i think i've been getting more frequent anon asks which is really nice 🥺🥺🥺)#(if some of yall are like the same person ;;; and if you'd like you can label yourselves as a named anon or an emoji or something!!)#BTW IT'S CRIMINAL I HAVEN'T GUSHED ABOUT THAT JAMIL ART AT ALL IN A REBLOG????? THEY EVEN HAVE CLUBWEAR JAM#I’LL BRBRBRB 🏃💨💨💨
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Me yesterday: what if I combine two of my favourite things (fenhawke and lotr, but specifically this scene in fotr)? A bit later I had this (a little study, blobby but recognisable). The vibes work really well with the post-Kirkwall ramblings in my head. :3
And I kinda made an animation with one of my latest doodles by accident (well, it’s two frames, but they move, a little bit :) )
#dragon age#da2#dragon age 2#hawke#m!hawke#oc: gareth hawke#fenris#fenhawke#da fanart#dragon age fanart#also cautiously hoping that having something specific to work off of will make things a bit easier for me#and getting to do a little studying with something I like is nice and I can just vibe a bit
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Particularly feral looking Vampire in Wizard hat: "You present me with a two pronged road! One leads to Hell, and the other ALSO leads to Hell!"
Presumed Vampire Hunter: "CHOOSE WISELY!"
Feral Wizard Vampire: "But meaty fool that you are, you do not realize that I can simply WALK OFF THE FUCKING ROAD!!!"
Hunter, distraught: "NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
[This meme was sourced from Hunter: The Parenting, a Youtube series inspired by World of Darkness lore]
Alice: ...I refuse to believe this isn't just two Malkavians fucking around. From what I understand, this is totally something my clan would do.
#thesatiricaldemon#~M: I want some questions! now! (ask)#~V: Londerland Bloodlines#~T: Nice Place To Live#feral wizard vampire versus presumed hunter#~C: Alice Liddell#((I mean the Malkavian clan IS the most likely to wear a wizard hat#or at least is tied with the Tremere in that regard#and this whole thing feels like something the clan would do#Hunter: the Parenting huh? XD#might have to look that up later))#~M: with this hand I will lift your queue
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little "Happy Birthday Reigen!" doodle thats definitely not late
#reigen arataka#mob psycho 100#mp100#mp100 reigen#fanart#animation#art gif#krita animation#i woke up with this dumb idea and then proceeded to go an entire day without drawing it just to then rush through it for a mediocre result#and im still late xd#BUT HEY! its still 10/10 in s o m e timezones!!#im somewhere between really not liking this drawing because of how empty it is compared to what i wanted to make#and kinda liking the colors and the fact that I ACTUALLY COLORED SOMETHING ANIMATED FOR ONCE#idk what it is about reigen but my brain really wants to make lil gifs with him#not that i have any ideas for them but hes just nice to draw i guess??#anyway!!#i should really start season 3 huh..#100#im so low on energy to draw and motivation to do anything lately that how my posts do influences me more than usual#so thank you everyone for liking and reblogging this little thing EVEN MORE THAN USUAL! 💕
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Now I wonder which unpopular couple is under your protection? I suffer from a lack of Kid/Law fic, but maybe things are even worse for you than for me? And the series turned out great if you look at it as an independent story, without comparing it with the manga👍it feels like it was filmed with love, love is in the air
okay so maybe i was being a little overdramatic when i said unpopular ;;;;;;; but then again every pairing kinda is when compared to zosan and lawlu, and keep in mind that i was a teenager when i was really involved in the manga (so we're talking about.. a LONG time ago) and there weren't as many ships around back then
all this to say im officially coming out as a zolu enthusiast ;;;;; i imprinted on them upon their first meeting like a duckling with its mother and they owned my ass ever since IM SORRY I JUST CAN'T HELP IT. i see a dynamic that's based on understanding care reverence respect devotion trust love and my heart immediately goes THAT ONE. WE WANT THAT ONE. and ngl the live action got their relationship down so perfectly it's bringing back the feelings
i haven't finished the show yet but honestly im really enjoying it!!!! it's not perfect and it's a whole different beast than the manga but like you said you can definitely tell it was done with love and respect to the original source and that makes all the difference. also i've truly never seen a more perfect casting in my entire life THEY ALL FIT THEIR CHARACTER SO WELL IT'S INSANE
#not only mackenyu is so fine it makes me go through something deeply profound every time i look at him#but he also truly nailed zoro looking at luffy with a devotion so palpable and plain to see it makes you sick in the head#like sorry but that's his captain his king his tiny lil guy he would do anything for#he /would/ know him in death at the end of the world#so yeah im definitely not fairing worse than you ;;;;;#but i did see some nice kidlaw fics on ao3 so hopefully there's still some nice content for you to enjoy!!!!!#one piece#opla#zolu#......scale from 1 to 10 how much would you guys hate me if i reblogged like. one gifset#m: ask
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angsty utena fics save me......
#sometimes when you feel like shit you need to read something that makes it worse. you know how it is#m#i do also appreciate when they have a nice hopeful ending though
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Things that make me insane: this line justice says about testament.
The idea of testament really thinking this would make their father happy in some twisted way....
Justice saying that the reason she (or he? In the og guilty gear i think he him is used which i also noticed on rewatch) didn't have complete control over testament was because of their love for their father....
#like bro#testament was a nice person pre gear conversion and just wanted to make their father happy#so the possibility that they're still doing this for kliff kills me#there was a fanfic that was focused on this but i think it didn't get completed#make m want to write something myself but i cant really put words to paper so#such an interesting dynamic kliff and testament have#a tradgedy that should be more focused on and explored#like genuinly the most somber thing in guilty gear in my opinion#kliff undersn#guilty gear#testament#testament undersn#guilty gear testament#kliff guilty gear#also he/him testament jumscare sorry for that#the story of a nice kid who wanted to prove themselves to their father so went to war even though the thought of blood and violence made#them sick#only to be experimented on while the father thought they where dead only to come out twisted and violent causing the father to have to kill#them twice#also please don't point out that kliff is standing like the everyone is so mean 2 me meme i can't handle it if you do
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.
#so that dotd rewrite is out and i have some thoughts on it but i wouldn't know where to put them.. maybe in here bc i don't actually feel -#- like making a whole ass text post. this is coming from me as criticism and not hate.. just some crit from one fan to another if you get m#SPOILERS AHEAD >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>#first off props to the team because this was obv a labor of love - 4 and a half years to make a feature long fan movie is hard work#and the animated stuff was a really nice touch and very commendable - you don't see them too often in big fanworks#in terms of the story well.. there are some things i like and some things that i don't (personally) again no hate#i'm aware this is a rewrite and boy howdy it IS a rewrite - though i am a bit sad that percy doesn't end up being the protagonist and it's#- thomas that has to play hero again.. like i kinda get it but what made the original dotd stand out was that percy was given the spotlight#so i spent an ungodly amount of time wondering when percy was gonna take charge or step into the main story to resolve the problem.. sigh#i liked that they tried to give norman more of a character bc a lot of characters do often get neglected in the series but it was kind of -#- hard to sell that for me? the twist in this rewrite was very creative and i do appreciate it but i guess it just ain't for me#“different” is ok and this is just one of many fan rewrites for this particular story#if there was something i enjoyed.. i guess the beginning was still kind of exciting because the set up was honestly like hype a bit#i liked that diesel and d10 actually got to interact face to face and there are clearer dynamics established for the diesels#and also. silverband's performances as d10 will always be fun he does a fantastic job voicing him (how d10 stole xmas will still be my fav)#my criticisms for this movie also derive from the pacing and the voice acting - i found it hard to try and understand tones sometimes -#- because the delivery felt so off.. like don't get me wrong not everyone in the fandom is a voice actor but if we're using static faces -#- for these fan works the delivery has to be a little more clear or else it'll sound like you're reading from a script.. sorry yall :"|#for the pacing i found it a bit hard to parse when some things were going on and how fast things were progressing#as well as the crashes.. that's also another thing bc i couldn't tell bc of the sfx and audio balancing - it could be better..#i wanna say. muffled voices do not substitute for a “far away”/off-screen voice bc i still can't hear it :“|#there were a lot of throwbacks and references to older thomas media/movies but some of them felt a little.. much?#if this is a dotd rewrite why are we getting some parallels with tatmr.. but i digress. at least they made diesel beef with duck a bit#there's a lot more i could say but i'm keeping those to myself. at the end of the day this fan movie was hard work for everyone involved#and you can tell some of the folks were having fun in there - props to them! i'm always glad to see more fan works in the community#we've come so far we're making feature length fan stories and rewrites that's crazy! i hope to see more in the future#fauxtrainpost.txt
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