#or don’t idrc just wanted to share these from tonight :]

[cinnamontoads]

wake up warm bodies nation

[hunters-hairnoodle]

Hey

This is my first post ever and ig technically a rant post but idrc. None of you know who I am and that’s okay. I just occasionally have these days where my mind breaks. I survive each day and then it builds up until eventually there’s a night where I just burst. Tonight’s that night. I have no one to talk to this about. If I talk to my friends they won’t understand or won’t know what to do. My sister, maybe but unlikely. My mom is part of the issue and my dad would never understand. He’d just console me and act like that’s that, problem solved. Or he’d bring up fucking Jesus and make me pray over it, when I’m honestly fucking done with religion. 

The days themselves are fine, they’re fine ig. I mean little issues here and there but overall it’s fine. But i get to these nights and realize that it’s not all fine and that there’s a lot of fucking problems, but I can’t do anything about it. I’m a teenager, I don’t have money or can legally drive. Besides running away or suicide my options are limited. 

This is gonna sound so stupid to some people, and people will make fun of me for it cuz teenagers are demons who harvest on despair and anguish, but I’m just so worried that I can never be myself ever. At school it’s a facade. At home it’s a facade on who my mom wants me to be. I try to fit into it, but ik I’m fucking miserable. But whenever I am myself no one likes it. I become to weird or nerdy or annoying. And my mom hates it when I actually act like myself. I’ve broken free a little bit over the years, but overall I keep everything restrained. And she’s not a bad person, my mother, she’s just complicated. I can’t tell if she’s the issue or if I am. If I’m actually the bratty kid who’s complaining for no reason or if I have a legitimate reason to be upset. I can’t tell and I don’t know if I ever will be. 

On nights like these I go unnoticed by my family so I can wallow in pity alone. For some reason I can’t explain whenever anyone sees me crying or upset or having a panic attack or needing to rant I stop immediately. I listen through the walls as I cry to hear any movement. As soon as I hear any and hear my mother open her bedroom door to go to the bathroom i immediately stop and quiet myself. Just tonight while I was crying and breathing heavily and having a hard time thinking straight and acting normally I heard my mom talking to my sister. I stopped immediately and hid my phone since i knew she wouldn’t want me up. Just as I thought she walked into my room to say goodnight. I hid the crying sound from my voice as well as I could. For once she actually seemed concerned and asked if something was wrong. I was so tempted to tell her to be able to rant and cry to her, but I couldn’t. Because the problems are either her or me being gay and non-binary or just people at school. And whenever I share I’m always bad at it and don’t know how to describe it and get frustrated with myself. Guess I’m better at typing it all out then saying it. Then she always ends up getting mad at me for extending her help and I hate myself more. 

It’s not she’s a bad person she’s just hard. She yells curses in the car all the time at other drivers, which Ik isn’t a big deal but when you’ve been at school all day and just want some peace you’re hearing yelling. She’s also very judgemental of other people. She judged everyone by class and looks and their behavior. And it’s to an excessive degree. I think this may have caused me to feel the way I do about myself rn. She never says anything to me specially, but that’s when I act the right way. When I actually act like myself and wear what I want and look how I wish she judges me. Even if she doesn’t say anything directly I can tell by the way she looks and the way she responds with a tight voice. And the issue is whenever I vocalize any of these either what happens is above or she levels it down to me being a teenager and acting like a teen, therefore making my feelings not matter. That’s probably why I’m questioning if I have the right to be upset rn.

She’s also like a feminist which is a bad thing but it’s in a toxic way. Like every single man is bad boo. And then she’s hypocritical in the sense because she’ll hold men by the stereotypes but then changing her mind when it doesn’t benefit her. It’s hard to explain, but that’s the gist of it. For example we watched Hamilton together and she was complaining that there were no women in it (we hadn’t gotten to Schuyler sisters yet) she complained about how they have color blind casting and all that but why women couldn’t play these roles. I explained that it has to do with voice parts since usually AFAB and AMAB people have different sounding voices. She huffed and puffed at this. Throughout the thing she would make me stop so she could learn about the women involved in it and then would just kinda talk shit about the dudes the whole time and making it this whole thing when it’s just a fucking musical about a founding father. And I just have a complicated relationship with it since I’m AFAB and non-binary it’s just hard. Cuz I’m a feminist just not in my moms sense of it. And she’s hypocritical with it. Like when we watched the Oscar’s this lady won for this feminist movie and she did a whole feminism speech thing and my mom was all here for it. But later on when black Panther won something and the lady made a speech about black power she changes the channel! And Ik she would do the same shit if it was a speech about LGBTQ stuff.

With LGBTQ it’s so fucking hard being a gay non-binary teen. I live in the south and everyone here is fucking toxic christian who just say they don’t support it and move on. Or if they accept me they don’t really. Or they just tolerate it. Ig you would call it lesbian non-binary technically. That’s what I am. I have a they/them pin on my backpack and beanie. But no one calls me the right shit. I can’t correct them cuz then they’ll look at me and we’ll talk and they’ll just think it’s weird and not care enough. And being gay is the fucking worse. I’m the odd one out and yeah I can joke about it but it gets hard. I take a lot of shit letting people joke about it. Even with the f slur. But I can’t say anything. I’m still seen as weird for it, tho I am one of the more accepted ones for it probably cuz I don’t make a big deal about it. I haven’t really dated anyone. Ik if I did or actually talked about how I liked girl I’d be see as weird and looked at funny. Even with girls I’m friends with theyll just single me out for it. Like when we’re joking around and their being silly straight girls, and I’m not even trying to join in, they’ll be like “well not you cuz you’re gay and I don’t want you getting the wrong idea.” And then whenever I actually try to share my opinion on gay shit and how it makes me feel it doesn’t even matter. What’s worst of all is one of my best friends doesn’t fucking accept me cuz she’s super Christian. I want to talk to her about it but I can’t I fucking can’t cuz she doesn’t agree. I get asked weird questions or I get asked why im like this. I just wanna be myself for fucks sake. Why can’t anyone get that?

Im out to the whole grade and im really starting to regret it. 

I forgot to mention that my parents are divorced. My dads basically a sex addict but pretends he’s not. He’s just weird with everything, I never know what to do around him. I don’t know exactly what happened to make me get where I am with him, but yeah. Oh and my parents hate each other and don’t hide it. I don’t mind it too much but I bet it has some affect on me. 

Ik if ever told my mom I was gay it wouldn’t go great. There are several possibilities for it. She would either tell me I’m not, tell me I don’t know yet, or pretend to accept me but not really and judge me for it. And the non-binary thing she would hate. She’d wonder why I don’t want to be a woman. She’d say I’m just a masculine girl. But Ik I’m not. I’ve thought for fucking months about that shit and being called a girl and SHE sounds weird and wrong and not me. If I told her my new name too she’d flip. She’d wonder what was wrong with the name she chose and why I don’t like it anymore. She’d take it as a personal offense. 

This just adds to the fact that I can never be myself. But I don’t even know if that’s a good thing. No one at school ever likes when I am. They talk down about the few times I was myself. But I don’t even know wtf that is. I think it’s a little bit of what I am now, but not fully. My mom doesn’t like when I act how I want to at all. And just so you know I’m not some rebellious teen trying to do drugs or something. I just want to vibe as myself fully and without bounds. Do the things I want to do and not hold back. Wear what I want, get my hair how I want. But I can’t. It’s not just them. I’m scared to. I’ve been told my whole life that this is what good successful people do and looking this way or that will get judged and people will think this about you (aka when my mom judges everyone on every little thing). And then if I can be myself maybe I’ll finally be happy. But Ik it won’t work cuz people at school will make fun of me behind my back. I don’t know why I have all these issues or if they’re even issues at all. Maybe I am just a bratty teen complaining about nothing. I feel as tho I should be happy cuz on the surface that’s what it should be. But I’m not. Cuz if this is what happiness is it’s shit. But I don’t even know what that feels like and idk if I ever will.

If you’ve come this far thanks for reading all this. You’ve indulged me for one of my annual “nights” where I break. Thanks. I hope you’re happy. 

[cyruslookedback]

ive had this idea in my head for a while, and i would get way happier if you wrote it (because it would be more of a suprise.. kinda). can you make a short fic where jonah is like, dared to kiss a boy or something and the people who dared him keep making fun of him because hes too scared to do it so the jonah gets T R I G G E R E D and he goes up to cyrus and kisses him in front of them and everyone except jonah is shook and then cyrus asks cyrus about it later (idrc how long later is) :D

I took inspiration with this, I hope this is in the realm of what you were asking for. Feedback is very appreciated everyone!!

Jonah couldn’t remember how he had gotten himself into this position. Sitting in a circle with all of his closest friends, a bottle in the center of them just asking to be spun. Two of his ex girlfriends a part of that circle as well as his newly discovered crush. This couldn’t end well.

Okay so maybe Jonah had an inkling of hope that he’d spin the bottle and it would stop on Cyrus. They’d kiss and it would all happen in slow motion. There would be fireworks as their friends cheered. He wanted magic.

But what were the odds of that happening? One in nine, that’s what. That’s only 11%. And that was just to get the bottle to land on him. That doesn’t guarantee anything. Yet Jonah still let his hopes rise.

Buffy was the first to spin, and it landed on T.J. of all people. Despite her protest T.J. went in for the kill, only to have her turn her left cheek. Once his lips made contact with her skin, a look of utter disgust washed over her face, sending the rest of the group into a fit of laughter. 

“Come on I can’t be that bad.”

“Keep telling yourself that Teej.”

Next to the spin was Amber. She’d only recently become a part of the Good Hair Crew™. A title that has expanded to many more than just the original three founders. Her spin pointed directly to their newest member, Gus. 

Amber didn’t even flinch. She crawled over to the boy as if he were her prey. The already nervous boy looked as if he was going to pass out, but once her lips were planted on his, a whole new Gus was discovered.

Now it was Cyrus’ turn. Jonah was uneasy at this point. There was no coming out of this unscathed. Either he had to kiss Cyrus, which just the thought of it had him terrified, or he had to watch Cyrus kiss someone else which was even worse. He wanted to kiss Cyrus. He really did. He was just worried that there would be no magic. This was only a game after all. If it lands on him it’s only an obligated kiss and not the requited crush he desired. 

That’s when it happened. Jonah could see right down the mouth of the bottle. His dreams were about to face reality. 

Him and Cyrus dazedly looked at each other. Cyrus didn’t seem to excited about who the bottle landed on, and Jonah didn’t know how to feel. 

“It looks a little like it’s pointing at the open space. You should do a re-spin.” Jonah contested.

“Are you kidding me? It’s dead on. Be a man and kiss him.” Amber countered. She was the only one Jonah told about his crush, or him being bi for that matter. Of course she wasn’t going to let him get out of this that easy.

“I had to kiss Toe Jam over here, it’s only fair.” Buffy added.

“You didn’t even -”

T.J. was cut off by Buffy’s hand covering his mouth

“You know I’m a stickler for the rules.” Cyrus finally spoke up, and it was his approval that sealed the deal for Jonah. He was still shaking, his attempts at mustering up the slightest bit of courage failing once he got a glimpse into Cyrus’ eyes. Cheesy as it is, they made Jonah melt.

Slowly but surely the two made their way towards each other to the center of the circle. It wasn’t happening in slow motion, but they moved slow enough that onlookers might say it was. Once they met, after a few moments of hesitation, they kissed. 

It wasn’t just a peck, and it definitely wasn’t the tongue wrestling session Amber and Gus had prior. It was short and chaste, yet strangely fulfilling. There weren’t fireworks, there weren’t cheers like he had imagined, just a few giggles. And although it wasn’t the magic he wanted, the reality didn’t disappoint. 

That was it. The kiss happened and they continued on with the game. They each had to share kisses with the some of the others a few times. The kiss with Amber really did change Gus, that was for sure, but none compared to the one they had. 

Later that evening as they were all preparing to watch a movie and go to sleep, Cyrus pulled Jonah out onto the patio.

“So… that kiss.” It sounded less like a statement and more like a question. A question Jonah wasn’t sure how to answer.

“It was only a game. You’re the one who’s the stickler for the rules.”

“Look, I’m not usually one to be so forward, but it didn’t feel like it was just a game as you so eloquently put it.” It was like he could see right through Jonah. His glass house was being shattered right before his eyes.

“Okay, so maybe it wasn’t… just a game. I don’t expect you to reciproca -”

Cyrus kissed him, effectively cutting him off in the middle of his word. 

It was magic

It was really magic. This time there were the fireworks. No time seemed to pass at all. It wasn’t forced like before. It was spontaneous and genuine and everything Jonah had dreamed a kiss could be. 

As they parted, Jonah’s mind was begging for more. But he was lost in the boys eyes once again.

“You seriously thought I wouldn’t reciprocate? According to Andi and Buffy I am ‘painfully obvious’ to quote them.”

“You must’ve forgotten that I am ‘painfully oblivious’. I didn’t even know you liked guys let alone felt anything for me.” 

They just laughed.

New revelations between the two had them speechless after that. They could hardly do anything but stand there and smile like the adorable idiots they were. But so were the other eight who watched the entire interaction take place from the window without a curtain.

It wasn’t long before the two noticed the rest stalking them from inside the house. All they had to do was stare at them to get the message across, and they all walked away immediately. Well except of course for Buffy who gave them a thumbs up and a suggestive nod.

“You think maybe tonight was an elaborate scheme to get us to kiss?”

“Honestly I wouldn’t put it past them.

[eene-fangirl]

This is my first time requesting a fic! Please pick up where ‘mommas little ed’ leaves off. It can be set directly after the episode or later, when the boys are older. Idrc how long I was thinking one to a couple of paragraphs, just write what you feel and charge me what you think it’s worth👌

THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMISSION!

Edd happily pulled up the purple covers to his chin. A tinge of guilt however washed over him listening to Eddy’s groans and discomforts from the bathroom. He must have washed his hands over a dozen times in less then a minute. Eddy’s germaphobe tendencies reminded himself of his own. Perhaps he had more in common with Eddy then he thought.

“Eddy, would you please relax? My feet were perfectly clean!” Edd called into Eddy’s bathroom hearing his friend slap yet another round of soap into his hands once more.

Finally, Eddy appeared out from the bathroom. His green tongue stuck out further over dramatizing himself. Edd playfully shook his head. That guilt however remained on his heart.

“Anything else you favor oh majesty sockhead?” Eddy sarcastically griped. He then went on animatedly. “A trip back in time to meet Ben Franklin? A sleep mask made from the leaves of Australia? Some Frank Sinatra to make you go to sleep in an instant?”

Edd smirked enjoying Eddy’s little show. “Frank Sinatra music does sound pleasing. Do you usually fall asleep to it?”

Eddy perked up heading over to his records. “Yeah. I never go to sleep without listening to a Frank or a Barry.”

Edd sat up disturbing the cocoon Eddy had tucked him into. A slight annoyance washed over Eddy’s face. Seeing this made Edd feel worse. Had he really been bossing Eddy around all evening with countless pathetic demands? And only for revenge?

“I wouldn’t mind listening to one.”

Eddy was already one step ahead. Standing up on a chair near the drawer the ocular disk was placed into its compartment. The blade scratched along the record’s surface until a rich voice filled the room. The rhythm made Eddy feel better as Edd noticed. That little, calming smile grew on his face.

“You really treasure old traditional music, don’t you, Eddy?” Edd started a conversation as he hugged his knees.

Eddy made himself comfortable on the bed he made along the floor. He sat down on his back using his arms as a pillow and staring up at the ceiling. Again, Edd’s heart swelled. “Sure do. He, Frank and Elvis rock!” Eddy remarked.

“Well, technically it’s not rock music. Their music is more laid back or traditional…”

“I know how their music sounds, Double D! I meant they’re cool!” Eddy huffed, annoyed.

Edd sighed. He lied back into Eddy’s pillow. Except he could no longer see Eddy. The situation made it awkward to continue a conversation.

For a while Edd’s eyes fixated on the ceiling, or rather Eddy’s disco ball which shimmered even in the darkness. Ever since he and Eddy became acquainted he admired his room. The colors, the 70’s tone, and how it immediately said Eddy intrigued Edd even more. All his room said about his person was that he had major OCD. All those labels were enough to make Edd feel suffocated at night.

Concentrating on the lyrics, Edd let the words flow through his ears.

“‘I’m never ever gonna quit, ‘Cause quittin’ just ain’t my schtick, I’m gonna stay right here with you, do all the things you want me to.’”

Glancing over to the side of the bed once more Eddy’s beak was just poking up. It looked like a chicken. That’s what Ed would remark if he were here.

Edd leaned over the side of Eddy’s bed. Eddy was still awake also listening to the lyrics. Their eyes met, one surprised while the others were filled with guilt.

Immediately Eddy looked concerned. “Sup?”

Edd took a deep breath, gripping his fingers into the sheets. “I knew you were joking, Eddy.”

Eddy’s reaction wasn’t a surprise. His face immediately turned into a death glare and then he stood up, paced around the room, sticking his finger in the air, hollering. Edd hung his head in shame like a child.

“… And you made me rub your feet!” Eddy ended his lecture staring disgusted at his hands.

Getting off the bed Edd went over to his friend lightly touching his shoulder. Eddy flinched, briefly glancing at him.

“It wasn’t right of me to do, Eddy. I know. But you really made those sticky notes resemble something my parents would transcribe.”

Eddy snickered. “Shouldn’t you know the difference? They’re your parents.” He teased.

“In those sticky notes,” Edd answered miserably.

Eddy’s face completely melted into uncomfortable guilt. Edd shut his eyes scolding himself for even letting that escape his mouth.

“Forgive me, Eddy.” Edd said after an uncomfortable silence.

“Forget about it, Double D.” Was Eddy’s immediate answer cutting him off. He even waved a hand at him as if to somehow erase what just happened.

And then Eddy lightly pat Edd’s shoulder. The affection did make Edd feel better immediately.

“I am grateful you obliged me to have a sleepover, Eddy,” Edd grinned thoughtfully once the mood toned back into their fun evening. Then Edd’s smile dipped away again. “Mother and Father are out again tonight.”

“Like you’re going home alone!” Eddy remarked.

Edd sat back in Eddy’s bed. Just when Eddy was going to curl up on the floor again Edd said, “You can sleep in the bed to.”

Eddy looked at him funny. Edd blushed, embarrassed. It wasn’t like they hadn’t shared a bed before. “Just so you’d be more comfortable.” Edd added to save the awkward tension. Honestly, what else could he say tonight?

Cautiously, Eddy got on the bed and sat a good distance from Edd. That was okay. Edd felt much better.

Just then the song in the record player ended and the disk scraped along the sharp metal edge. The room was silent. The glow lamp was the only source of light. The colorful gel illuminated perfectly off the disco ball.

“So, do your parents really rub your feet?” Eddy asked teasingly.

Edd’s eyes grew heavy. He yawned. His eyes opened a smidge to look at Eddy. He smirked, “No.”

“You sneak.”

And the boys fell asleep together.

[wordsandshawn]

Marriage

Requested: hello darling!! could u pls write an imagine where y/n and shawn got married young (like 18 or 19) and like some of y/n’s & shawn’s friends are like judging them or something like that? you can modify it if u want tbh idrc your imagines always turn out great!!

Masterlist

~~~

“She thinks you guys are crazy.” Your best friend tells you while she lays next to you on the king sized bed you share with Shawn. You two have gotten into the conversation about what your friends from high school think of you and Shawn now. During grade 10, you started dating Shawn. After high school, you two got married. You both knew without a doubt that you wanted to spend the rest of your lives together, and you didn’t see the point in waiting until you were older just because it was socially acceptable to do that, however, the people you knew but didn’t know really well always had opinions on your early marriage. You’ve been married to Shawn for a year now, but you’ve lost touch with a lot of the kids you used to go to high school with. Your best friend still talks to a lot of them, and she’s catching you up on how they are all doing, and what they think of you and Shawn now, even though it really doesn’t matter, you’re still intrigued.

When you first got married, there were so many rumors that you were pregnant, which you most definitely were not. You and Shawn agreed to wait to have children, so that was not the reason that you got married. Other people accused you of marrying Shawn because he was rising in fame and success in the music industry, but the truth is none of that mattered to you. You wanted to be with Shawn when he was an awkward lanky fifteen year old with pierced ears still trying to figure out how to play the guitar properly, and you still want to be with him because you love the man he became. His career is a part of him and a huge part of your lives now, but it isn’t at all what drew you to him and what kept you around. In fact, if anything, his career made it more difficult for your relationship to work, and is one of the only things that have even made you come close to walking away.

When you first got married, and even now a year later, there is so much judgment. Just because you’re both nineteen, everyone assumes you don’t know anything. “Kristine thinks I’m crazy?” You ask, laughing. “I’m not the crazy one.” You say giving your best friend a pointed look. To which she laughs because some of the other kids you went to high school with really were crazy.

You’re talking more about others you went to high school with and you’re just enjoying being with your best friend. It’s been a while since you’ve been home. Even though you and Shawn own a house in Toronto, the truth is you’re rarely ever there because you’re always traveling for his work. You love getting to see the world with him, but it is hard to never see your friends or family, so you really treasure the time you have at home.

After about an hour, Shawn walks in, “Hey y/n, hey y/f/n!” He says with a smile, greeting you with a hug and a kiss, and her with a hug.

“Hey Shawn,” You say, lying back down on the bed. “y/f/n is sleeping over tonight.”

He just smiles and says, “I figured so. I’m going to grab some stuff and crash at Matt’s so you guys can have your girl’s night. And I brought home ice cream for you two. Its in the freezer.” He calls the last part out, as he’s halfway into your closet already.

“I love you Shawn Mendes!” You yell after him.

“I love you too y/n Mendes!” He yells back from somewhere inside the closet.

“You guys make me want to puke but you also make me to get married, I don’t really know how that works.” Your friend comments, and you just laugh at her, because yeah, people have judged you a lot, and honestly it sometimes sucks and it is hard being married. But with a guy like Shawn, in the good times and the bad, he’s amazing. And there are so many moments where he does things like this and you just know that there’s no one else in the world you’d rather be with.