#or maybe i'll b the same idk lol

[gothamcityneedsme]

as of today i've played every persona game yayyy

[antisocialxconstruct]

.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

i think i've only seen a soma playthrough twice and the first time i didn't absorb it great lol but upon just some light brushing up (incl a short article that was one of the few results that cropped up when i was like "show me the images for 'soma's save feature featured fisting, right' (yeah basically)") it's like, it's always fun when you're just left with a lot of room to Interpret Themes and unsurprisingly at this juncture i'm lasering in on just, like, the matter of [the self vs the other] via this premise that basically people can just make a copy of their Psyche at any point (but needing to find a new & different Soma in which to upload it but like, largely setting that aside when In This Scenario the new bodies don't affect their minds / sense of self at all....except for when they sometimes do? or maybe not. the like glitchy monsters are just kind of WAU automatons, right. and the people are all able to act / communicate themselves as people, though they might be affected by like, existential crises over the goings on) wherein like....the protagonist can Split In Two* at a few points via the psyche copying/uploading, and then the game Follows the copy that will be continuing to advance the plot, and the version of the protagonist we Were following is now An Other even though it's like, that was The Self (at least insofar as that was our first person pov player character) up till just now. and the protagonist can Know like, yeah that's You right over there also. and yet iirc from like, yesterday's light research, in the first instance he at least gets the Option to kill that Other/Self who was, up till just then, the Self to us too, if that makes him feel better abt the existential crisis, or at least discomfort, enough to like, keep moving right along lol (speaking of. just the other day i was like "adagioly onomatopoeiaing the opening banjo strums of rainbow connection from the muppet movie soundtrack does so much for me" and then i learned it was the anniversary of its theatrical release. hell yes. also memorably once when like marinating for hours in a general malaise & failing to find the wherewital to get up i was like "haha oh wait. i'm playing the song 'movin right along' from the muppet movie in my head. okay" up & at em)

anyways the fisting article (which, i was wondering what thoughts it would have on that truly interesting facet of the game. mostly it posited that the uhh sphincteresque penetration of it all would be Typically considered to make cishet men anxious / threatened / vulnerable, and notes the protagonist (hypothetically a cishet man) is indeed trepidatious about it, while also arguing he markedly Doesn't really hesitate in shit that hurts or endangers others in the course of his shit (though ig that can also depend on the player? haven't really rewatched it recently enough to know how much his dialogue adds to [as a character though he's making it clearer he just wants to cut a swath through your shit asap]) and also questions whether the game thinks of (or, from their argument, knows of) the protag as pretty sphincteresque himself. and like yeah probably imo lol like thee ending being what it is, and as far as i know no like Multiple Endings like in amnesia series* stories usually, and thus more room to have a protagonist who talks to characters in the present and i think like, without the ability to choose what he says

anyways that the protagonist can Understand like, hey see that guy over there, that's literally also you rn, and yet he can [Not accept that] in one case such that he'll kill that Self for "his own" Self's comfort really, as the fisting article expressed, to continue believing he is Unique and the One True Self, the only Real [himself]. when, to be sure, the game Could have kept the first person pov on that version of him we'd Been up till then, and had that pov of the one killed. or maybe left behind in another instance, i don't remember all the "transfers"....catherine Explicitly explaining that only the copy/upload format is possible, Not Transfers, making sense what with like. her magic brain scans that can can wholly parse & store your Psyche data, whatever that'd be like, definitely not being meant to, say, Extract the person's Psyche from their living human body upon doing so. while the ending's drama comes from the game Now staying with the version of the protag who'd been our first person pov character prior to that "transfer," who is Again like "why am i still here" despite having the "it's not actually a transfer" explained, b/c This version Just So Happens to be the copy of the copy of the copy like simon(4) or (5) or whatever and ofc can't have been the one(s) already just left behind somewhere back there in the complex or he wouldn't have been able to be at that point in the first place. and then "killing" catherine b/c he's so pissed, i remember it as him hitting whatever device was her effective Soma, but the article i think suggested she just got too stressed in turn and that Output fried the device. while, of course, post credits shows us their "transferred" selves just fine chilling in the ark like whew glad all that's done with

anyways just getting around to the fact of how it's easy to land on catherine as the center of the game....and of course she's the one really Not having crises over [my god, copies of my Self] or others' selves or what all, having even less of a usual Soma than simon but rolling with it, and evidently having already fully absorbed her Self as a distinct version from her original Self, despite having the same links to her that make simon or anyone else who's been copied into whatever other Soma feel like he's continuously been Himself(tm), the one true Real Self he's always been....and like, naturally catherine being the one behind the entire project of [what if we copy/paste people's psyches into a big ol mmorpg server & shoot it into space so that Maybe something can happen with them / in a way they can continue to exist] so she's Been thinking of, you know, being separate from these Selves turned Others who you'll jettison into space beyond even the body of the earth. unless it's supposed to stay in orbit lol i do not remember the details....and ofc like plenty of other people are like wow that's Fucked Up or it's Not Us and like, the latter sure is true with with the [copying, not transferring] element, but also the former is more choose your own adventure (interpretation) when the game isn't about like, and the simulation Is fucked up, or there's any element of distress or dissonance to existing on the ark, though you can't really know that until the post credits scene confirms you're just hanging out for real....which, that article was also going in on the character who's on this quest to kill the WAU as like "the versions of us it makes isn't Real it's Corrupting" and like, arguably the WAU as just kind of, naturally, something capable of growing, and doing so, and the real problem seeming to come in with the [doing whatever for supposed safety but superceding/supplanting/displacing autonomy in doing so] like, people who did not agree to whatever was done re: their Somas or they would've remembered & been like yeah i'm hanging out as a robot now, or a goop guy, gunk [YES], etc. but separate from that obvious issue it's like, my guy, You're a copy made by the WAU now lol, you're your whole person that you are, with the thoughts & feelings to decide you wanna go on a quest to destroy it, and whatever capacity to pursue it....either way i think the game makes it clear enough the WAU is a Neutral force exercising no conscious discernment, it Is a body, or it's some body (once told me) anyways lol, though i guess i did just go "those Monsters that can chase you are just wau manifestations right" so that's getting kind of complex lol, but even that can be taken as, like, it Mimicking human's shapes & bipedality & other external characteristics, i guess, and just the way an overall theme can be [hmm where's that division between the soma and psyche, machine and ghost] the WAU has been expanding and making various forms of itself, and of humans, and that's also an element of the fisting that starts out as a fingering and can end with having to leave part of yourself in WAU's core if you have completed the choice to corrupt & destroy it, that Connection and Interfacing is required, with increasing [get it in there] required as well though there's no given clear in universe reason why (w/my theory here being: just the Themes of the increasing interaction / reducing Boundary)

where was i going with this. idk naturally there's people like "well you don't have to see the wau as evil or at least required to be destroyed" like yeah one can imagine the case for that, wherein again this one guy's hypothetically mad abt like oh it can't be Us it's making, like, brother in christ You are here as You are b/c of what wau did, if you don't think You're legitimate enough, how can you be dead set on pursuing any decision you make. but also the lack of autonomy wherein wau has (probably? again would have to rewatch) killed people to transfer them to a less fragile soma, but a) also maybe it's just acted when people were already dying / killed from other causes, and naturally there's the Everyone There Doomed To Die Fairly Imminently factor and b) that [wau's neutral / purely soma no psyche (or is it. etc)] aspect that is that classic mixup of wau just acting on its programming in a way unintended by its programmers re protecting life and c) i think WAU can sure be interpreted as a parallel counterpart to the ark project, where people agreed to the latter, & get to chill with simulated bodies in a simulated world, versus the WAU being that [body, world, realm of physical existence] which is funky & Not like a cool nice recreation of the usual world & is also at the bottom of the ocean, but it's sure trying to extend the existence of ppl's psyches by shoving them into whatever robots or slapping together parts or propping up their original body or what all, i don't remember that many of the characters encountered

Anyways Back To Catherine For Real. i'd forgotten this element completely, but that when catherine finds out her original self had been killed by crewmates (lol. amongst) for being set on carrying out the plan for the ark, Her Project, (i.e. launching it into space (risking that launch going incorrectly) vs keeping it on site at the bottom of the ocean here (theoretically less risky, according to at least the crewmate who killed her about her insisting on launching it anyways)) and catherine's copy / now alternate self comments on being like, a bit disappointed And surprised b/c like she says "i knew they didn't like me, but," like not thinking that dislike would lead to a semi accidental killing her (where apparently the guy who killed her may have been wearing the like powered diving suit w/the extra Strength to operate in the water pressure, like oh didn't mean to hit her That hard. in a different soma already) and seeing other ppl (not in universe) commenting on how it sure did seem to be culmination of like "the way others treated her" and how catherine always mentioned like, never having really had friends including as a crewmate here, being an Introvert....in fact, now i'm remembering that catherine doesn't even say "i knew they didn't like me, but" but rather something very close to "i know i'm not easy to like, but" like, aaaugh....like, as ever, a character or a Real Life Person sharing any particular info like "i'm [xyz]" Isn't Required for just trying to always not be ableist and to always treat other people as people even if they don't "just be normal" correctly enough, supposedly. rather than [what is "just being normal" is Correct & Good and you do Not need to undergo a continuous lifelong journey of in fact questioning this & navigating & learning how to communicate & interact & relate, you just need to fleetingly muster some superficial unhelpful Bonus efforts sometimes when you encounter the rare "exception" like someone who hands you their License To Autiste and you can let them keep their fidget cube and continue treating everyone you encounter ever organic aba style]....like, naturally in the game there's no twist where catherine turns out to be Evil or even antagonistic. she's like, patient, encouraging, friendly, helpful all throughout. she's also, ofc, simon's only guide (adding to the suspense of that [my god. my only guide was evil, and/or just my antagonist now anyways]) so he doesn't really get to pick someone he'd Like more. but that like, lifelong matter of why catherine doesn't Get to have had friends. that even as this professional associate she's treated differently, and worse, b/c you have to personally like someone & find them charming & je ne sais quoissy to Not be worse to them? it's fine to be shitty until catherine can, say, say "i've noticed you're being kind of shitty. it's probably b/c i'm autistic, officially, which i'm choosing to share with you & am now presenting my license about it, so maybe be cool about it" and then and only then go "oh ok" and Make The Exception rather than shifting your entire shitty Rule (they also would not actually really make the exception. "shoutout" too to the concept that, of course, it's actually Disrespectful to stop hating autistic ppl b/c you should treat them The Same as anyone else, and you're bringing that organic ABA all the time as part of your "just be normal" ethos life, so be sure to keep being an asshole to them & double empathy probleming putting all the depletion, extraction, punishment, losses, harms on them and all the rewards on yourself)

and like, catherine being killed b/c she was this Body who was going to take away the ark (her project / creation, which she was also just insisting on following what'd always been the plan for) wherein like, even if this guy didn't mean to kill her, he sure did after lashing out at her, same as happens w/simon in the end....and catherine also failing to be thee most "normal/default" version of a person as well by being a Woman, and probably not white either, and, of course, a nonwhite woman, also making her that much more vulnerable to being Out Of Line(tm) by just like, existing as a person & trying to do her shit, though misogyny, racism, orientalism or the like isn't explicitly invoked or especially implicitly hinted at that hard either, but it's like, how does this [scifi magical realism set in the not That distant future but material made in the way less distant past, i.e. all intents & purposes modern / current day of: in the 2010s] have Relevance beyond "would that be fucked up or what" type Invention that doesn't map on to our experiences at all....you don't Have to read into catherine twice being killed by a man who's lashing out b/c she's not delivering what he wants, but you sure don't Have to Not and be like "this is definitely No Misogyny world" like they're still being implicitly ableist b/c she's just not deemed Winsomely Likable enough, she's internalized that with that "i'm not easy to like" framing, why assume a premise of [misogyny is over] [racism is over] etc. whilest soma doesn't really proffer any scenario of like "oh if it weren't for our being able to perceive our designated Physical Differences in our human bodies, all that oppression would be over," that's not being explored even in the specific situation of its plot in the first place; people on the ark seem to have the simulation of the same bodies they originally did, ppl Can retain like, how they'd move, their voices, their sense of their bodies: elements of their physicality. and, you know, whether one even supposes there Is any meaningful body/mind division, though in soma it Is this premise like oh yeah we can digitize your psyche perfectly okay, such that your copy would experience no disruption in that Sense Of Selfness, which is what makes everything particularly like, whoah, and [wow this is just like soma] whenever something kind of invokes similar enough What Ifs but probably less engagingly lol....while also soma is flexible and spacious in letting you interpret shit, you Can defer from fisting wau to death, you don't have to be like "it's so true. thee horrors" abt the Copies Of Selves, who really just become Others to whatever now-other versions of that person, i.e. how catherine, who, as the person who wanted to scan copies of ppl's psyches & put them in a just chilling simulation server launched into space for the Chance of being copy/pasted elsewhere eventually and the chance for the participants to Exist in some form Now, and who did so, is never like, shocked or freaked out by the notion / reality of these copies' existence even though she didn't set out figuring any scans' uploads would end up on the ocean floor stations, she's not aghast & distressed in the end when after having uploaded her latest Self data to the ark & launched it, she's also Not on the ark and Still in the eventually / doomed ocean floor station, even if it's a bummer, b/c she has already just accepted That's How It Works....this [her] was not going to experience being Transferred, like she's Been saying, like she again tells simon while he's blowing up abt [why wasn't i transferred]....just clearly being an example of like, not everyone is like horrified and freaked out and like "that's fake &/or wrong" and you don't have to decide she's incorrect for being Like That, i.e. like, yep, this is the situation, i know there's the me who was killed and the me on the ark and the me here, and i know also we're also for intents and purposes separate people

all that is to say, like, yeah the Scifi What If specific [you can copy/paste your consciousness into a different soma] is there, but also you can be looking at it as just this like, pushing to thee limit of the Self(tm) and the Other(tm) insofar as imagining yourself, as the only Internality / Mind / Selfhood you have access to, as The One True Real Self and all Others as mere somas/bodies, whether you take that to as dehumanizing an extreme as you can or you just put some double standards on Others / treat them as lesser/less Real, or oh but just Sometimes, in Some Cases, which is fine and relevant to anything, rather than what's fine and relevant being to always be aware that everyone's Otherness is a matter of perspective, you're the Other to everyone else, everyone is just as The Self as everyone else, You Could Be That Other, that other Is [you] to themself, you are the "that could be you" to them....with soma, it can just be elevated to "that Other WAS you from 0.5 mmsec ago, and continues to be them, b/c they didn't experience any disruption in their existence, though now you're both in different situations of: different locations, different bodies, the awareness there's that Other Self over there now, possibly the difference of killing that self you were just copied from so you can go on feeling like the One Real Self"....but wherein like, that's just like, [What If: you Were able to wholly & accurately Know the self inside an Other? b/c it's you from 5 min ago] of like, scenarios like [what if you time traveled 5 min into the past] except wherein that case there's usually the efforts to Resolve(tm) the timeline of that One True Self one way or another, ultimately. or is there. obviously who's positing that soma is the only material to be About the "whoa lol. me as an other" concept made scifily literal or anything

anyways that like, it creates that situation wherein one Can point & go "literally literally me" but also simultaneously one Can go "that's Not literally me arrrgh" or "that's also Not literally me, matter of factly"....simon's wrangling with the Othering of his One True Self, but he can also Know, should he choose to shift to that perspective, that all the Others who aren't alternate copies of him are all Another True Selves, An Other True Self even, though ofc as per the nature of not having a collective consciousness, he Doesn't Know the accurate whole of their psyches b/c he was not ever [literally them], but he doesn't need to to know they're just as [a whole psyche in there] as his own have been. original catherine with her fellow original crewmates being othered enough by them for the dehumanization of treating her worse, her being isolated, that indeed her being killed doesn't feel separate from all that by her or by anyone else, just an escalated extreme final fatal manifestation of it, b/c nobody ever liked her in the first place and then she became a (psyche Piloting a) body getting in the way of what one guy with amplified strength at that moment wanted from the project she made to let others' psyches keep existing in some way, which was deemed valuable enough by that guy to want to commandeer it and keep it at the bottom of the ocean versus risk a launch, regardless of how you the player think of the idea

and thinking of the way you can like, effectively befriend that boxy underwater little propellered Regular Simple Robot Helper that follows you around at some point, that is, of course it can't talk to you, it's definitely Just(tm) this not-ever-a-version of a human robot for practical tasks (dyspeptical tasks, clerical tasks, hysterical tasks) and like, imagine Its interiority, get invested, try to protect it, humanize it regardless....whereas with actual humans, and their psyches in a microchip, you can kill them for not perfectly delivering whatever you wanted even when that's not what other humans ever exist to do. then simon loses the Company he still could've Gotten From catherine, [guy who killed original catherine] didn't succeed in keeping the ark unlaunched, b/c that's what you go and do....but really just thinking of that Thread that feels so extremely relevant of like, catherine copy being simon's only option sure and working With him on this mission until we stay with the edition of him who realizes it didn't lead to his escape onto the ark, i.e. always being in relation to him in a manner of a direct practical teamup & a [take it or leave it] sole option for that anyways....but that in her original, human-bodied life, she was always "oh only a little bit" dehumanized by everyone such that she is very much aware of the way that's defined & limited her life, never had friends, i know i'm difficult to like; until that dehumanization escalated to the extreme of trying to hit her to stop her from seeing her project through, and just happening to kill her, and the fact that this seems to no one just a coincidental whoopsie of a fate just entirely disconnected from the way others always saw her and treated her as this Other among others, while other [psyche/soma]s of others who are clearly not Your Self get to have friends and not be isolated and feel hard to like forever and end up killed by coworkers

tl;dr like love a text just inviting plenty of interpretations and lenses and perspectives, ofc gonna look at it like whoa it's anarchy in there (political cats sense) where are the borders where you are thee self above thee other....soma providing that thinnest boundary of like, yeah that mf over there? there but for the [being in a different body, in a different place, with 7 seconds of negligibly different life experience] go ye. but also the usual boundary of "that person is in a different body in a different place with a different whole life but you're [that] to them and they're just as much a person and a self and an other as you are" like catherine center of the game to me

(* just remembered i had these asterisks: sure enjoying how the premise of amnesia games effectively creates Alternate Selves b/w the protagonist's present self, with however much missing time, and past selves whose goings on are completely relevant to the in media res situation you're also tackling while obtaining pieces of that past to priovide further context/info, and how this premise manifests for different stories each time; you've even got oswald like physically divided into Two Selves in a:amfp, though iirc it's not like, psychically equivalent, kinda "regular oswald & nefarious destroy the world duplicitous oswald" lmao, classic....uhh and shoutout to penumbra being similar ish in that the protagonist's story isn't want's relevant, he's trying to find out what happened to his dad and more broadly the like underground pocket world he enters for those answers? iirc....but that soma shares that amnemonic premise of [intro] [suddenly like ???] [having to navigate your present mission & figure out the past & your Missing time] but like, thee respective Lores don't overlap really, soma obviously starts present day and takes an even more obvious leap into a future / completely different location, rather than amnesia games being set in the past with missing time of like, idk months? to even just days, uhh supposedly like [forever] in justine but that's like, i dunno sure lol, the peak mysterious / withheld protagonist really, on purpose. while naturally there's also the fact that, technically, this simon we are following at the start of the game did not actually forget anything, and that's a fun distinction despite that it otherwise initially seems like the same [amnesia] premise....and that he did kind of ""forget"" things in that original simon lived however much longer before dying, that his scan then ofc didn't retroactively include. so once again it's like, well, in amnesia ppl have likewise kind of rewound to a Past Self before the missing [crucial context to your in media res misadventure] time, w/daniel (and justine) even doing this On Purpose, though as is the nature of the amnesia series, everyone regains enough of that missing info about their goings on anyways, though you the player are Not in a story of like "wow they did Exactly the same thing again and ended up in the same place anyways" and Do get to kinda choose who they are / indeed end up with some Alternate Self, potentially, despite there being plenty of room wherein like, it's not precisely, granularly laid out Exactly Who They Are at any point anyways. only just now getting extra amnemonic lore that yes daniel got all fucked up on vitae rituals b/c that's just what happens! and people are fairly horny for it! always a possible interpretation that he was high on vitae (okay one proffered pronunciation of "curriculum vitae" (which i was like lord i feel like i've gone "what tf is that" about before but what tf is that. turns out it's what CV stands for as your specifically educational resumé) does say "vitae" would, in that case, rhyme with "nigh." other sources are listing like a million different combinations of a million different ways to pronounce each syllable. also they gotta say it a way in the game but i forget. daniel's VA apparently being some chemistry teacher? just like alchemy. not what the pope said to do, weird science, it's my creation....) anyways! the psyches diverge, the bodies don't, unless they do (oswald....uhh the guy in the bunker. lambert :( ) like catching up with The Self again, encountering extreme examples of Othering and Dehumanizing and [you are just like only a soma to me] with various means and ends of acting thusly to get xyz results

[orcelito]

Remembering my MASSIVE dragon age phase from 2016 is kinda wild. Like that shit took over my LIFE for a solid half year, yet in the time since then things have been a lot more mundane

But I still do have a plant named Merrill (who's been alive for over 6 years now). Maybe someday I really will revisit the games. I guess if the 4th game ever comes out lol

[junipernight]

I redesigned Yangchen's outfit!

... I actually designed a lot of outfits for her, because I am Extremely Normal about these books, and also I like costume design and learning about historical clothing.

Short disclaimer: These fantasy clothes aren't culturally or historically accurate, just historically and culturally influenced. I don't have any expertise in East or Central Asian culture or clothing, I've just been clicking around on the internet a lot the last two weeks learning things because that's my idea of fun lol. If you wanted to talk to people who actually know things you should check out @atlaculture or like @ziseviolet, both of whom's blogs I referenced while drawing.

I only designed two alternates for the outer robes. The first is based loosely off the robes Buddhist monks wear (loosely, because drawing draped fabric is hard ^^') especially the Tibetan zhen robe. This garment is just a long wide rectangle of cloth which can be draped across the body in lots of ways (versatility ftw!).

The other garment I drew is a Chuba, a traditional garment from Tibet and the Himalayas. It's a robe, but it highkey reminds me of kilts and hoodies, in that it a) can be worn over one or both shoulders or just as a skirt and b) it makes a giant pocket over the stomach. The long sleeves can be folded up or tied back btw.

I spent the most time on the middle layer, because I was thinking it has to be something she could comfortably fight in while also being suitable for diplomatic meetings, meditating, espionage, and possibly sleeping.

And like. You can fight and hike and whatnot in loose skirts, but it's annoying how twisted up they can get while sleeping. ALSO, YC does a lot of flying and leaping, so my girl needs pants. My faves are definitely the Xiaolin monk pants and the yellow wrap pants Aang wears. I tried dhoti (Indian wrap pants) because that kind of looks like what the giant statue of Yangchen meditating might be wearing, but I think it looks odd paired with a highwaisted shirt instead of a long tunic. Maybe I'll do some more drawings with her in a tunic and dhoti or a monk's dhonka and shemdap later, idk.

As any good historical fashion nerd knows, foundational garments are everything (◡‿◡✿).

But also, there's a scene where Yangchen and Kavik pretend to be lovers, and are "discovered" by a maid sleeping in the same room, with Yangchen in a state of partial undress (gasp!)

I am living for this fake drama; I need to know how scandalized the maid was lmao.

When the maid walks in, Yangchen immediately wraps herself in a bedsheet before ushering the maid back out the door. Maybe all she did was take off her outer robe... but why would she need to wrap herself in a sheet if she was wearing a long-sleeved high-necked gown? I got the sense from both the book and cursory research about buddhist monks that walking around without your outer robes was socially acceptable, at least in casual settings. I think it more likely she was in her underclothes, which historically (in the west anyway) would also double as sleeping clothes.

"The Aang" is censored because this is Tumblr-dot-com. Its mostly a joke, but also, I know other countries are less uptight about bººbies, so like, maybe it's a valid option ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

The ~Water Tribe~ look is based off Sokka's swimwear and not Katara's, mostly because chest binding seems antithetical to airbending.

All the other undergarment designs are based on hanfu neiyi, because that's what I could find reference photos and romanized names for.

I'm tired of typing now. Lemme know if you have questions about something, or want me to post a larger version of a specific outfit. I am open to feedback and tentatively open to requests.

[jade-len]

so today i tricked my very straight male friend into reading svsss.

okay look, i wasn't planning to at first and it's not like it was completely my fault. he wanted to read it!

i was showing him how badly they fucked up mu qingfang in the donghua by comparing it to the english novel design (he said that mu qingfang went from looking like a soft dilf to a predator registered on the epstein island list). and then, i showed him how different some of the other character designs were like gongyi xiao's ("he looks like he'd be a genshin character" -friend, to eng novel design) and luo binghe's ("lowkey, he kinda gives airbender vibes" -friend, to bunhe eng novel design)

so that was all i was gonna show him, nothing else. but after seeing them, he goes, "these designs actually look hella cool. what's the book called?"

now, do i:

A. tell him the name, eventually revealing that it's a danmei when he looks it up?

B. just straight up tell him that it's a danmei?

C: don't tell him the name just yet, spill the summary, get him interested, and tell him to not search anything up about it because there's heavy spoilers and it will reveal them the moment he types it up on the search bar

i go with C, obviously.

me: so, basically, some guy named shen yuan transmigrates into an incel harem male power fantasy novel where the protagonist, luo binghe, has hundreds of wives. thing is though, the guy pretty much took over the body of binghe's teacher he had when he was a teenager, who turns out to be a really scummy dude. and now he has to be nice to him so that the protagonist doesn't rip off his limbs and put him into a pickle pot in the future to suffer for eternity.

friend: that sounds hilarious and horrifying at the same time.

me: yes it is, and you should read it. it's like. my favorite novel at the moment. but don't search up anything about it because people spoil that shit. i'll let you borrow my novel

friend: nah don't worry, i'll just pirate it

friend: wait. does it have pictures?

me, my plan coming together: yeah, it has pictures. buuut, when you pirate it, it doesn't. trust me dude, i tried and was severely disappointed. plus, the physical copy is so much better

friend: fuck yeah ok thanks

me: hold on though. i'll text you later to see if my friend who's borrowing it rn is done reading it

he's hyped. he's excited. he craves a good book and a good transmigration interpretation. he's especially happy about the fact that it takes place in a chinese setting with cool powers and an actual good main character. "this sounds so good, god i wanna read it so bad."

i tell him that binghe is actually adorable, too. that it's pretty much found family! my friend then asks if shen yuan adopts him and becomes a father figure or something.

and i said "yes". you know, like a liar. (the father figure part probably isn't a lie though)

now i'm gonna give him the novel tomorrow! of course, i'm gonna cover the chapter 2 bunhe sexual awakening scene with washi tape and say that my baby cousin (sorry baby cousin, you would never <\3) scribbled all over that paragraph with her markers, and since i'm a neat book freak, i put washi tape and just wrote the scene! i don't know if that's really all too believable, but he didn't seem to care that much. just a simple "if my baby cousin did that to my book i would punt them into the sun"

i think what'll be more hilarious is the fact that you can't really tell that svsss is a BL. especially not volume 1. there's like, only a few lines indicating, but if you remove the baby binghe sexual awakening scene then you probably won't be able to know (...if you don't really read romance or anything. idk he's kinda dense anyways). so let's hope he gets attached and has a slow descent into the homo before i drop svsss vol 2 on him!

ok anyways i'll update you guys later with a reblog. maybe in about two or three days lol

(also don't worry, we already fuck around with each other on a daily basis like this. he's already tricked me into reading some manga i was unprepared for, and i thought that it'd be funny to mess around with him using svsss this time lol)

[reilleclan-blog]

The Duality of Love in Cyberpunk 2077

I find it interesting how a decent amount of ppl compare Songbird and V to Johnny and Alt's relationship b/c of them being netrunners and V and Johnny both defying big authoritative figures to save someone they love. Or care for(usually when I say the word love I mean care for) anyways. Which I agree but I started to think of Rogue and Johnny's relationship.

Johnny was straight up cruel to Rogue maybe their relationship wasn't the best or they had other "terms" during their relationship but for the most part, Johnny was not a "good lover". He cheated on Rogue I think Alt as well? And yeah he was mostly selfish throughout their relationship. Even though in the game Alt says "Johnny can alter his memories" it's funny how V is still shown how much a bastard Johnny is. Not like he ever tried to hide it really.

But, so Johnny showed Rogue time and time again that he was a "bad person" or specifically a "bad lover" but everytime Johnny had some bullshit cooked up he always went to Rogue for help. Even when Rogue protested against the things they did, she still decided to help him through and through. Also during the raid on arasaka(ending) with Rogue, Johnny can leave Wayland(to basically die) Rogue gets upset at Johnny but (in a way still sounds like how she did in the past) rages at him but still fights with/for him. Later on Johnny will blame Smasher for Wayland's death (but if he had helped Wayland, he wouldn't have died)

Basically, Rogue put up so much bullshit to help Johnny no matter what it was. Interesting way to be loved/show ur love. Rogue was emotionally manipulated but still always put her life on the line to help Johnny. And he was probably the last person she should've helped but she did it anyways out of love or eddies?(mostly love). But with V and Song, Song lies to V(Song is betraying V's trust) and at the same time, V can do the same thing to Songbird BUT they both still had the choice to protect one another. Whether it was V still sending Songbird to the moon or Songbird still deciding to protect V from dying by some Raging AI. Johnny just takes and takes and even 50years later he's "changed" but can still be a fucking bastard in the end and Rogue pays the price. Diving in head first to save someone she loves. And possibly redeem herself as well.

And Johnny rushing into arasaka Tower to "save" Alt, I honestly felt like he did it for Alt but genuinely it was more for his ego? Rogue calls him out on it? And I think I agree. He could never let shit go, and in a way it felt like Alt's death was used as an excuse to blow shit up(taking shit to the extreme or to prove to himself that he was worth arasaka's time💀). I have no doubt in my mind he loved Alt but did he love her the "right" way, never. It made me think what if Johnny wasn't such an asshole and he decided to pay attention to his gf could she have actually ASKED for his help.

He claimed Songbird only got to the moon cause of "luck" but really she had support SOMEONE THAT LOVED HER AND BELIEVED IN HER. Helping, If only he could've been there for Alt maybe both of them could've had a "happier" ending. Songbird had V with her to the very end. Whereas Alt was alone and Johnny was too.

-

Idk I might've been all over the place with this but I really wanted to talk about it. I love this series so hopefully no one takes this shit to heart lol I'm just saying. I wonder. Uhh take care

I didn't know what to title this, maybe I'll change it. Edit: The Duality of love in cyberpunk? (Is that a good title?) asking for a friend if anyone has an enny to spare , I'm seeking financial assistance ty

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

u can never have too many au ideas (aka the cursed-sun/moon au)

(im copy n pasting this from discord bc im lazy sorry y'all fsjhf)

other au idea: Sun is a ruler or lord in a fantasy world or smthn and Moon is the form he's been Cursed into turning into each night. Reader is a low-tier magic-weilder (who has a secret past that involves smthn rlly Bad and they used to have a reasonable amount of respectability in th community but now theyre shunned and cant get a job anywhere and also has a big scar and/or only one eye lol) who's one remaining ability is the ability to lift minor curses or plagues. Sun has been searching for someone who can 'bless' the curse of Moon (or whatever is making Moon be nasty murderous bloodthirsty man) for ages but mages r rare and most of them spend maybe one night trying to cure Moon before either getting got or being scared into getting tf outta there

so eventually word reaches Sun of a mage who's been looking for work, with the only catch being that they arent very powerful and no one has much to say abt them, and Sun, who has burnt every single thread he has trying to find a mage, is like GOOD ENOUGH CALL THEM HERE

and reader is like 'oh shit this is potentially a rlly good job, the only catch is that i have to deal w a demon possessed guy thats like twice my height and three times as strong,,' and like. bc they have Zero Options and also feel like their life has run itself into th ground and there is little left for them/no way to get themselves out of their Issues, they r like 'yeah sure its gonna take a while bc i can only perform minor magic but i'll do whatever i can to see that this curse is delt with'

and instead of trying to face Moon head on, they start with just kinda,, getting to know him. he's kept chained/locked away in a chamber every night to keep ppl safe, but every night reader goes into the chambers, sits at a tea table just out of his reach, and just. talks with him

they dont entertain his trying to mess w them, taunting, cruelty, etc, but they talk when there's the chance for standard conversation. at first it's hell bc Moon is a little shit and he never cooperates. he never answers questions, he spends the entire night threatening to tear them apart and savor their insides, etc. they bring him a cup of tea every night, and every time he smashes the cup and throws the pieces at them

ok well point is eventually Moon starts to mellow out around them, will actually sit and have conversation with them, one day is like 'you think i dont know what youre doing?? youre just trying to bore me into falling for ur trap so u can kill me. i like ur style but its not gonna work >:3'

and reader is like 'i literally do not have enough magic to kill a toad let alone a whole entire possessed person' and moon is like ',, huh. so what IS ur goal here??' and reader is like 'i want to lift ur curse for both u and Sun's sakes. i gave u my word, and i will follow through, at the very least to clear my own conscience of a past sin'

and so eventually Moon, out of curiosity, and later bc he likes spending time with reader, starts letting them cast the healing magic on him, breaking the curse little by little every night

and at the same time all this is happening, reader is spending mornings and evenings with Sun and keeping him up to date on how the process is going and, eventually, becoming the person he turns to when he's stressed or tired or rlly just wants company

and idk smthn smthn eventually both of them rlly want Reader and they dont know how to act so they just b making fools of themselves but reader is a dumbass so theyre just confused

(Moon absolutely tells Reader abt every 'oh man i rlly wanna kiss kiss snuggle smooch the mage rn' thought Sun has during the day but Reader is so used to Moon being a little shit n making shit up to mess with them that they r just like ._. )

the plot twist part,,

(the secret dark past that reader is hiding is that they used to be a local mage for a nearby town who was known and respected for giving 'blessings' to ppl for small fees but one day for Reasons, they cast a curse upon someone and one of the biggest no-no's a mage can do is Curse someone so the town practically rioted, tore them down from their pedestal, called upon another mage to strip reader of their magic, and then cast them out)

(rn im considering the idea that the person reader Cursed is Vanny, who, because of her own curse, eventually went on to be the one who cursed Sun and Moon)

[sug4r-sp1c3]

Hey!! i saw your countryhumans post and it was rlly cool!!!

can you do russia,canada,france and germany with a tall s/o??

(your blog is so cool!!!)

EAHJJD THANKS U SO MUCH ANON❤❤❤❤❤

Russia, canada, France, and germany with a Tall S/O

Russia

probably u are the same height of this mf lmao

congrats cuddling is more easy in some aspects , like surprise hugs/kisses/etc,

the part of the nicknames is

hard

the ""normal"" nicknames like bean, shorty, short stuff or things like that

literally-

go

and he stays with nicknames like, "Darling", "sweetie", "sugar cube", etc.

they can wear each other's clothes without problems

"sweetie is that my sweater?"

"i thought it was mine!"

"meh"

the problem comes if you would like your clothes to be loose,

hehe yes… discard that from your wish list

when you go anywhere you probably both have to bend over

like

c'mon

It's obvious but I wanted to say it

Germany

"WHY YOU CAN´T HAVE MEIN UR BAAACK"

"MF BEING TALL ISN'T THE SAME OF BEINGA SUPER MUSCULAR HUMAN"(idk i'm not tall)

this man LOVES you

he let you be the big spoon

he loves showing you off

"have you seen my partner? they are so tall just like russia, cry bitch"

but if you want it to stop just say so and it will stop, (like for 2 months and then it will, but only every like 2 weeks)

"germany stop-"

"okay!"

be prepared for lots of questions of "can you pass me that?", "can you hang that?" but that only happens when

A.- didn't find the ladder

B.- he gave up after a long time

C.-I don't know, maybe he can reach it but he just wants to try to talk to you

nicknames like "bean", shorty, etc are still there

"hey shorty can you pass me the salt?"

"ok but you know that i'm…y'know, t a l l?"

"ok, ok, but pass me the fucking salt-"

sometimes he has made jokes about him wishing he were so tall

lol

wait

I said they were jokes?

why the fuck aren't they

Canada

I feel that his type of person is the short ppl

but when he realized that he fell in love with you he said "FUCK I LOVE TALL PEOPLE"

he loves to steal your clothes

regardless of color

"bro, why do u have a (insert fav color, except red and white) shirt? i thought you hated that color-"

"who cares? it smells like my beloved and awesome partner and!-"

"now i understand why i love being single"

"sshshhsshsssushhhh"

i don't have to much ideas rn sorry 😭✋

France

protective asf

"I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE TALLER THAN ME IF SOMEONE WANTS TO HURT U, I'LL HURT THEM-"

I feel like this bitch would want to grab your waist but he ends up grabbing your ass

"darlin'..."

"yes mon amour?"

"that isn't my waist-"

"oh.... O H "

I feel like I would be proud enough to tell you "pass me that please!"

"I don't needed help…"

"honey you almost broke your leg a, THE DAMN LEG"

"OH, SHUT UP AND KISS ME"

"MAYBE I WILL"

"OH WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR MON AMOUR"

tall ppl >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>idk

"Y'ALL ARE JUST JEALOUS OF ME-"

"NOBODY SAY A SHIT FRANCE"

"I SAID J E A L O U S "

[fuck-customers]

Pls tell me someone else has been through something similar.

TL;DR: Paid for a strangers groceries. Got asked out by him through his friend. Denied coz Idk why he did that & uh... he was deff not femme presenting so not my preference (& I still feel bad about it lmao). 🥲 #rip

○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●○●

I don't hate this customer, but I constantly wonder if anyone has had a shared experience like this so if you have, PLEASE leave it in the comments (or reblogs).

(*Shared experience as in... a stranger/customer asking you out for something you did for them while on the clock or something you showed them at work that's a work perk.)

When I was a cashier at the american grocery store "English en Español", I was in a low income area. I constantly had cis men hitting on me for no valid reason, as I'm not the socially accepted aesthetic for "attractive" (probably because it was a small town so there wasn't much selection & I live in cities so I dressed/acted differently than most? Idk. I'm a transman, pre-t & pre-surgery, but present as femme for safety reasons, espec in small towns). I often didn't notice until coworkers told me after they had left or until the man, himself, told me straight up. It was common enough that we had a signal bc apparently I suck at picking up on people hitting on me. NO ONE working that night signaled for this one, despite several of my coworkers seeing this.

So needless to say, I did NOT see this coming.

There was a guy with two girls checking out their groceries at my register. It was late at night, close to closing. When it came to the guys portion of the groceries, he split things up to afford everything. (I feel that lol.) His card declined on the last part. He was maybe $25ish(?) short (idr exact amount). He asked to take off a few things & I was like "Wait, wait." & jumped around & slid my own card & paid for his stuff. At that time (about a decade ago) my finances were mostly stable. I was doing what I could for anyone who needed it. It wasn't abnormal for me to pay for people whose groceries got declined by under $50 if I had it that month. I was stuck at a grocery store all day & people quite literally need food. It's the *least* I could do while financially stable, yknow? He wasn't someone I singled out... just someone else I managed to have the privilege of helping.

But this guy looked like he was both a) about to cry & b) incredibly embarrassed. He barely whispered thank you to me before grabbing everything & RUNNING out the door. His two friends thanked me profusely & followed him out *normally*. Lol.

I didn't have anyone else to check out coz it was almost 10pm at that point, so I was just vibing at my register. Maybe 5 whole minutes later (yes, THAT LONG) one of the girls the guy was with comes back in & runs up to my register.

I didn't say anything coz I was confused. Why is everyone running? Why does everyone have so much energy? Jeeze. 💀

She said, quickly & excitedly, "Remember the guy you just saw that you paid for his groceries?"

Me: "👁👄👁... yeah?"

Her: "Well, he wanted to know if you wanted to go out with him. Like, on a date."

Me, confused, not knowing what to say, stalling: "Uhhhhhhm."

In my mind, I'm thinking: 'Why would he want that? Because I paid for his groceries? Does he think I'm one of those dommes that gives money to their subs? Oh no. I'm a sub, not a dom! Maybe he just thinks I'm nice? Oh god, he's gonna find out I'm NOT nice if we date... but I really only like femme presenting people. How tf do I say that in a small town where I don't want that to get out? I don't know what's happening here, but-"

Me, without hesitation: "Sorry, but ...I like women?"

Her: "👁👄👁... Was that a question?"

Me: "...No?"

Her: "... 👁👄👁 ...Okay, I'll tell him. Thanks!"

Again, with the running. Running out the door. To the car. They looked about the same age as me. Early 20s. Like... where are they getting this ENERGY??? 😭

He NEVER came into the location I worked at again while I was there for 3 years lmao. The two girls did. Ik he lived in the area. This was before the time of grocery delivery. So uh... I feel awful lol.

I also feel awful because I never really say no to anyone in that context or break up with anyone. I always force *them* to say no or break up with me so that I don't have to do it. 😅 I'd never in a million years lead anyone on coz that's completely unfair, but I really just need the other person to do it & I couldn't in that situation so it still sits in the back of my mind like, "oh my god what have I done" kind of catastrophic thoughts spiraling from there. Meanwhile, he probably doesn't even remember I exist. 💀

So rip to me, I guess.

Please tell me someone else has had some kind of interaction where a stranger/customer has asked you out or tried to get with you based on something you did (or did for them) on the clock or a work perk you showed them/they saw. 😭 Pls make me feel less alone in this lmao.

Also make sure to give the follow up tea! Did you go out? Did it work? Are you married? ☕️ 🦊

When I was 19 I gave a lady a coupon for money off (I'm 50 I forget how much it was for.) and this lady tried to hook me up with her 13yo daughter. I dunno if that counts.

-Rodney

[toomuchracket]

do you think d!word girlie is all into her wellness and working out? idk, I picture her as being really into her skincare and pilates etc when she has the time? and maybe she works out with matty sometimes, like maybe she introduces him to some skincare products, or when she’s out he uses some of her bath salts or moisturisers because they smell like her <3

anything to decrease the stress of your job, you're into lmao. i don't think you're necessarily at the gym every day, maybe a couple of times a week when you can, but i see you as being a fan of a daily youtube yoga/pilates/morning and evening stretches (sidenote these are actually p good) sesh. i'm sure i saw someone say on here that doing yoga in matty's house would be so good because it's so calm - that's one of the first things you say when you go over there for the first time for drinks with everyone, and matty chokes on his wine at the thought of you a) casually being in his house, b) casually being in his house in workout gear, and c) casually being in his house in workout gear stretching your body out. and then he feels guilty for thinking that. but he's like "well you can test that theory out whenever you want lol", and you just giggle but internally you spiral a lil bit. you do try it, though, once you start dating, and after matty does his "obligatory boyfriend ogling bit" (his words) he actually joins in; in return, you go to jiu jitsu with him a couple of times, but as we've seen from previous blurbs you're both far too competitive and far too horny to actually progress with it lmfao. the "too horny" thing is also why you and matty only go to the gym together on tour when there's no real other option - he's been yelled at by his pt too many times for looking at you do a spin workout or squats instead of doing his own workouts lmao (and you're no better, staring at him with obvious lust as he does literally anything all sweaty and breathless). but aside from that, you both like going for walks and hiking and stuff, so you do that together with no issues lol.

and skincare/beauty/wellness... let's just say, you are a woman on a decent pay grade (i know they're skint. but this is fiction! either way, i suppose, you have a simpy rich boyf who likes spoiling you, so you have Funds lol) with a space nk loyalty card, and by god do you use it to buy some fancy moisturisers and makeup and fragrance. but also you're a boots girly who loves a garnier sheet mask. duality! i think matty learned about your interest in it pretty quickly - thinking one of your earlier dates as an exclusive couple in a central london restaurant was interrupted by you getting a notification that your click and collect space nk order was in, and you were like "oh i'll pick that up tomorrow", and matty was like "babe we can get it when we leave here lol we might as well if we're nearby". once you collected the order (while you queued, matty test-sprayed all of the perfumes to find out which one you wore so he could buy you it for your birthday lmao) and the two of you were settled with a drink in a nearby bar, matty was like "so. what did you get?" and literally made you do an unboxing for him lmfao; he was so cute, though, genuinely interested in what you were saying about your purchases and asking questions and smelling the body lotions and whatever. you actually bought him a little travel size version of a lotion he loved the scent of, but ever since you guys started properly dating and staying with each other he just steals yours lol. but you don't mind, because he has a really nice shower gel that you always use when you're at his, so it balances out. like you said, it's a comfort thing - you both use each other's things (and the bath salts you reserve for when the two of you have romantic baths together) because they smell like them, and it makes you feel safe. it's the same with you guys and evening skincare, you and matty just love the little rituals you share and time you spend together every night you're both in the same place, and it just feels so cosy and comforting and domestic and sweet <3

[aether-friskets]

Why I Headcanon Waylon Park as a Trans Guy?

it came to me in a dream.

ok but jokes aside (well not entirely it DID actually originate because of a dream i had getting interrupted by a nonexistent video essay on the topic... dreams are weird man), i do want to try talking about my reasoning for this (although it's totally legit to hc a character as trans purely because you want to!! thats totally based also lol), because maybe it'd be interesting to hear the lens through which i saw this game? idk lol but i'm doing it anyway... below the cut in case it gets long

Ok immediate prefaces, A: i doubt this was actually the intended at all and i'm not trying to say it's canon, just saying why i read it that way :3 and B: this will probably be a rambling mess and I apologize, I'll try to make it somewhat make sense.

I guess I'll start with: a whole major thing of Outlast, is fighting to tear down this large corporation, that is like. the embodiment of shitty systems that exploit people (this post by bry mentions that general topic, although more focused on miles' angle). It's worth noting because, to me at least, fighting these sorts of systems really aligns with a lot of queer folks (and basically any group that gets fucked over by the system, which is most of them loll). There's like, this whole thing of Waylon seemingly fitting that image of the ideal typical man, with the wife and kids and a job, but he has to risk all of that to do what he feels is the right thing.

(Oh yeah, I guess quick tangent on that note. Yes I know in canon we literally see his dick lmao and also we know he has kids, which you might think would deter my hc here. but A: i already said ik it's probably not canon, i can still read into it regardless. B: intersex ppl exist. C: phalloplasty and other similar procedures exist. D: ppl can have kids in non-traditional way. so im prob not gonna cover that element of it more)

My brain hasn't been able to help but interpret his whole journey in a queer way, because i played it as a teenager still in the throes of understanding my identity and place in the world, so in the end this might not even make sense to anyone else. But, I'm trying to explain, so I'll continue to regardless.

I kind of saw it as Waylon hiding in the protection of an "ideal" life. On the surface he looks like he's in that American ideal family, but it's a subversion. He's only one of them because they think he is. Because he doesn't step out of line. Unlike Miles, who's more outspoken about issues, who seemingly has no one around him. He's treated as part of this "ideal" world, while working in the background to try and stop the exploitation and immoral acts going on.

When he's caught, when he's seen as something more complicated than first imagined, he's cast out. Lumped in with the same people being exploited by Murkoff already. He isn't "human" to them anymore. He's something else. Something they don't like.

Although the violence brought upon him is by the variants, it is still in part Murkoff's doing, since they fucked these people up via these experiments to a point of heightened violence and just generally ruining their lives more than they already had been by whatever they had done prior. That being said, they are still responsible for their own actions.

the stuff with Eddie is definitely the part that most resonated with me through this lens. I remember first playing it, and he scared me the most, for a lot of reasons. One of which being what he represented. He's The Groom. He wants someone to be his Bride, and you're it, even if you don't want that. As someone who's aroace AND already knew at that point that i wasn't a girl, this guy felt like a human embodiment of the pressures to fit what was expected of you. That one day, you'll be married and have kids. If you don't, then you're worthless.

But it's interesting especially, because Waylon IS married. He has kids already. He has that family. The difference is, in this hypothetical trans lens, he's not "really" in a traditional family. He's "pretending", as some might see it, because he's not "really one of them". Being Eddie's Bride is the situation that would've been expected of him, but he said "fuck that", and did his own thing.

Plus, like, with Eddie in particular, you will NEVER be what he wants. He will try to make his perfect bride, but you'll never be it. Even before Mount Massive, no one was what he wanted, judging by all the people he killed. He's a broken man desiring something but never liking his options.

Also just fucking. these lines from eddie make me lose my mind.

That part of you the world sees, they think it's perfect. As God intended. Even these idiots and lunatics see it. There's something special about you. On the surface. But when they look deeper, when anybody with eyes to see looks at what you truly are. That's why they don't trust you. You're not what you're meant to be. Not yet. This place can see into your mind. And the things you've done. Oh, they're a sin, darling.

like HELLO??

I know it's probably just Eddie rambling but it felt like he reached through the screen and grabbed me by the throat like.

Anyway in actual relation to my point. uh. Remember the thing I said about Waylon being a "fake" typical family? This kind of relates to that. Like, on the surface, he seems like he's got this perfect typical American family, he's "as God intended" (which. bro. i swear that exact phrase has been used against trans people so many times). But if you look closer, you'll realize there's more to it than that. Also like, going from the "as God intended" line to the thing about the things he's done being a sin, like hmmm. Maybe I'm reading into that too much, considering we know Eddie wants to make you into his Bride, so of course he's gonna think stuff like that. But still. It's a bit interesting to me.

Plus, it's interesting how, despite having a wife and kids, he's still more... feminized, I guess, than any other characters in this game. Both in the game itself, and within the fandom. Like, not just Eddie literally calling him a woman and trying to make him his bride, but also stuff like a variant near the beginning calling him a "pretty flower" before threatening him, Andrew (one of the staff) licking his face at the beginning of the game... A lot of violence and sexual-ish acts that are often directed at women in media. Even Frank, who I don't have as much to say about here, has some weirdly sexual undertones to his whole cannibalism thing.

This isn't entirely related but one part of the game that still sticks with me but I don't see mentioned as much, is near the beginning. Those guys stabbing the dead staff member. One of them remarks that "there are no observers here" and "do you think you're different? Something special?", which I think helps cement the whole idea that he's treated the same as the rest of people being exploited by Murkoff now. There's no turning back to that "ideal" life you were hiding in before. Hell, that's definitely reinforced more at the end of the game, when you choose to publish your footage, knowing Murkoff will come after you for it, and probably ruin your life. Maybe there's more interesting things to glean from that, but i thought they were interesting lines nonetheless.

anyway, overall I know this is probably just the ramblings of a trans/generally queer person reading WAY too much into a character that I happened to resonate with when i played the game, but i thought maybe it would be interesting for others to understand what would lead me to this conclusion? Anyway, that's all i've got on the subject right now, so I hope it was at least a little interesting.

[morganacorp]

Lol

Grace getting her facial and her phone keeps dinging because Sadie's in the middle if her bi-awakening.

Text #1: where u at?

Text #2 & #3: Grace! ?

Text #4: i thought u were coming 2 spin class!

Text #5: i gave lola3 ur latte

Text #6: r u really not coming? i'll save you Aseat just in case

Text #7: nvmnd. this class is huge. tried to fight off an old lady to keep your bike open. Ur welcome

Text #8: omg grace this place smells like wet socks

Text #9: kimberkyn says ur getting a facial. rude

Text #10 & #11: lola says hi BTW. Hi

Text #12: *picture of Sadie and Lola and Kimberlyn* bout to get sweaty!

Text #13: the instructor said we can't have our phones. so peace out! ✌️😋

*missed call*

*missed call*

Text #14: ohmygod grace answer your phone!

Text #15: ok. it's nothing. it's probably nothing. don't worry about it. it's fine. i'll tell you later.

*missed call*

Text #16: ok. so this is probably gonna get long and there will be typosz bc i don't have a lotg of time bcz i had to sneak 2 the bthrm bc i need 2 tell u something but we can't have our phones on the bikes which is so dumb bc I can multitask its not like I'm gonna

Text #17: sorry. lola scared me. o thought it was the instructor. anyway listen there is this girl. no. not just a girl. she is a woman. like a sculpted by the gods woman in this class and she has like. The most insanely perfect ripples i have ever seen and like her eyes are nice too BTW but we were changing un the same room and she just

Text #18: sorry i think the memory made me black out. God. Like. Look. I know it's not okay to objectify someone just because we're in a environment that encourages tight fitting clothing and vigorous rhythmic activity but u don't understand grace. she is gorgeous and omg she laughed when I asked if she knew where the vending machines were and i think my heart kind jumped out of my body because she sounded so sweet. and I want to talk to her again but I also can't fucking breathe because spin class is hard and i already drank all of my water and lola's too and i hate that ur not here. There I said it. I can usually be more put together when ur arounfe but

Text #19: her eyes are green btw

Text #20: not even like gross green. they are like perfect and not even the same color which is somehow even better and they have like stars in them not even lying

Text #21: and she has her hair in a braid and she got kinda sweaty so there's little wisps sticking out around her face and i never like licking sweaty ppl but like if she asked

Text #22: oh shot. i didn't mean that. idk why my mind went to licking her face instead of kissing her like a normal person

Text #23: that would b normal right? i mean iv nver rlly thought abt it b4. not really. but i watched glee. i know it usually hits in high school and obvi it didn't 4 me so this is mayb just bc i only had two donuts this morning instead of 3

Text #24: omg she asked kimberlyn if I have ibs while I was gone. I hate everythibg

Text #25: fyi i took a quiz a minute ago and turns out glee lied

Text #26: i wanted to ask lola if she has like a booklet for ppl questioning their. Preferences but i think mayb it would b easier if u asked for me

Text #27: fuck this is all so weird

Text #28: but also not. it's scary nit weird. like I thought admiring Walker got a little too intense but this is. This is something else

Text #29: ive eaten some beef jerkey and i think it's too soon to think about kissing her. it feels too invasive. so I'm just gonna keep watching her ass in class

Text #30: thnx btw 4 all ur help grace. U r rlly good 2 talk 2

Text #31: ^sarcasm fyi

Text #32: omg her name is lena. isn't that nice? i think that is the most beautiful name in the whole wide world

Text #34: i think she waved at me

Text #35: damn. it was oneof her friends walking outside the door

Text #36: her whole name is lena kieran luthor. and her birthday is October 13.

Text #37: and no she didnt tell me that i looked through her purse while pretending to have ibs and hiding in the bathroom. she uses Christian Dior perfume. i think I have a problem

Text #38: grace can u please call me so I can just leave??

Text #39: i feel like everyone knows. they keep talking about me i can feel it

Text #40: omg she helped the little old lady in front of me asjust her settings on the bike. She's so nice. i bet she saves puppies and orphans in her spare time. angel in disguise right there

Text #41: how long is this fucking spin class?!

Text #42: lola was talking about a gay show called the bold type. will u watch it with me so I can see how a normal heterosexual would react?

Text #43: lena offered me a drink from her water bottle and i didn't even worry about germs. I just went for it

Text #44: how long is ur fucking facial?! Y haven't u texted me back?!

Text #45: only 5 more minutes. I can do this

Text #46: I think lens was flirting with lola and I wish I had laser vision so I could set everything on Fire this is awful

Text #47: my heart is broken

Text #48: nvmnd. she touched my arm and said she likes my shirt.

Text #49: I'm wearing one of kimberlyns work out shirts BTW but that's not the point. She likes it on me. So kimberkyn is never getting this back

Text #50: omg! Grace! Grace!

Text #51: she recommended we get kombucha after class. Idk what that is but I would eat anything for her

Text #52: Lola says kombucha tastes like ass and kimberkyn says we have to get back ;(

Text #53: SEE THIS IS WHY I NEED YOU HERE YOU COULD VOTE TO GO GET KOMBUCHA WITH ME

Text #54: NOOOO ILL NEVER SEE HER AGAIN. GOODBYE BEAUTIFUL GODDESS GOODBYE CRUEL WORLD

Reply: lol

Text #55: ur laughing. i bear my broken soul to u and ur laughing

Text #56: Not Cool Grace

ANON THIS IS HILARIOUS 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Thank you so much for this, it has made my night! There's so many gems hidden in here... I'm in tears! 😂😂😂

[silviakundera]

alright my dudes & dudettes, it's Spirealm time!!

(jazz hands ensue)

fair warning: in these episode reactions I'm not gonna pretend I haven't read the novel. in fact, I purposely finished the novel before viewing, to get The Full Experience. thus novel spoilers, including twist end, included.

I'm spacing out posting these, so you aren't flooded.

The Spirealm Ep 1

* ngl I was legit hyped to see the hallway of doors! I am one of Those People who does not visually imagine stories in their mind, so I don't have much of a preconceived idea of what people or places in a book look like. So adaptions are a special delight for me

* ok, so he's playing a "VR game" and logs off.... OR DOES HE????? In the book, the whole narrative we think he's experiencing for the first time all happens within the 12th door - he has his memory suppressed and only thinks he just entered his first door. I am intrigued at the idea that the drama could be playing a lil bit of a slight of hand here... in which he has been a regular player of 'the official version' already and is already under the thrall. Apparently symptoms include hallucinations and death! Good times. No wonder he wants a black market copy for his very own.

* idk it's just a thought

* Mostly what I found suspicious is that he's already showing super hearing ability and he's having to shake off a mental disturbance

* Chestnut!!! Ok in the 12th door in the novel, at first Chestnut wasn't uber lovey dovey with him anymore. 1st indication of weirdness. In the drama... maybe? we see the cat backing away a bit and resisting, and he has to pull Chestnut over... LQ makes a comment, "I'll give you food, don't move" 🤔🤔🤔🤔

* Suddenly the game shows up in his mail? from Unknown Address... on... isn't it the same day? so that makes no logical sense. (intentional subtext or just cdrama time lol? ) and then for a moment it melds into the game world when he's walking outside... this is all supporting my theories!

* k it's BOYFRIEND TIME. Let's find yo man.

* He either now logs onto the official game (or THINKS that he is logging onto the official version for the 1st time, but he's been inside this whole episode)

* He walks through the door, thinks there's a glitch, and now he believes he's logged off. This time he definitely didn't. DEFINITELY.

* This door looks fantastic.

* He's hit by a car while marveling at the door. Except I don't think so, either time A or B he never logged off. Bro is SEEING FANTASTICAL DOORS IN THE STREET. That's not occurring in our reality.

* I'm really appreciating how disorientating the first episode is, by the way. When does reality end? There are like 7 options to start from.

* FINALLY BOYFRIEND \o/

* "I'm saving you and you still scold me." We may have lost Ruan Baijie 😭😭😭 but this is a nice meet-cute.

* The explanation from Mysterious Future Boyfriend: To put it simply, you're in the game. Here, if you don't finish the game, you can't leave. If you end the game here, you leave... then it really is the end." [universal sliced neck gesture]

(and ok, still banging on that drum, but this vibes with my pet theory - that he never left in the first place...)

* LQ crossed into the game -- and what that means is said to be complicated.

When LQ says as a programmer he can follow an explanation, Ruan Nanzhu just mocks that he hears but doesn't understand.

* Already we are getting a certain vibe, with LQ being backed up into a tree by looming hot stranger. Bro visibly looks down twice (at hottie's lips? at how close their bodies are becoming? the looming increases intensity)

Very strong 20 minute opener imo.

((Post-script: if we want to consider an alternative to the alternate theory of WTF is Reality in this Drama? What if is there a normal game he test plays in the first 12 minutes & separately also The Doors actually exist the same as they do in novel, and he enters on the verge of death and the drama is never actually about a game at all, & he never leaves the 12th door. He just never escapes, baby. 💥😵💥))

(that one is pretty out there tbh. just added for spice. and that very pretty door looking out of place & wholly different than the game decor.)

Next Episode

[tonberry-yoda]

°afab her/she

°Bi

°One piece or Overwatch

°Don't really wanna be paired with Sanji lol also not any one piece girls that I'm into except maybe Madam Shyarly and also not into Tracer or Mei

°I'm really freaking shy. I'm usually calm but sometimes depends on the mood so I can be easily annoyed, patient but not that patient. I'm ngl I'm lazy haha, I'm usually pretty stubborn and take some explaining for me to change my mind about something, reserved, very quiet in the beginning but when I get to know someone I'll slowly open up and can be quite talkative if I'm in the mood for it. I like to tickle people (that I'm close enough with) that are ticklish,

°Out of a relationship I want a life partner but def no kids (and leaning no towards marriage), a person I can always go to for whatever it is, no polyamory tbh,

°I love stargazing, playing video games, meditating, listening to music, working out is nice, cooking, hikes (but not like the super crazy ones where you need some equipment) shwimming, worldbuilding, drawing like architecture type stuff, tryna get into caring for plants and things I'm interested in are the ocean - I just love everything about it (the animals, the way it looks both under it and above such as the waves/shore and coral reefs), space (I find it fascinating, like whats out there y'know? And not to mention how beautiful it looks), I love philosophy (can have a bunch of interesting debates y'know?) Also thinking of learning to play guitar later on

°My wardrobe mostly consists of black clothes, band shirts (rock genre), skinny jeans - mainly also black but some have like red patterns and some have like pockets and zippers; think hot topic for an idea, I do have a few things that aren't like that like sweat pants, hoodies, some shorts I'd pair with tights. I paint my nails (mostly black) and I wanna have tattoos one day not sure which kind yet tho - leaning towards oceany beachy vibes or cyberpunk vibes, maybe a few space ones here and there.

°My type of guy is assertive, calm, quiet, - although I don't mind a more different kinda guy like more rowdy and whatnot. I like guys that are kinda blunt (if they know how to be blunt without being rude although I may sometimes overlook the rudeness depending) attractive, don't care for height although most people are taller than me, loyalty. As for girls same could be said for girls. Lookswise I like both of them to be more on the masculine side. Also if you wanna choose a non-human character for me I'd more than welcome it haha be it an omnic or fishman although no minks.. Not really into them tbh

°My music taste is mainly rock (a lot of rock subgenres I like but some I really love are here) and especially metal but I do love a few other genres that I'll listen to every once in a while such as r&b, electronic, pop, and some reggae but reggae is kinda rare for me mainly reggae that's got like a beach vibe going.. unless that's what the reggae seen is? Idk if there's reggae songs that don't have beach vibes but anyways! Also rock reggae is cool and so is ska punk or skate punk; that skateboarder (I think it could be known as that? Maybe im wrong idk lol I blame my crappy memory) music also gives me the beach vibes and there's been quite a few songs and couple o bands I enjoyed in that genre.

°My love language is quality time together and gifts, I can be pretty materialistic (not that much tho) as I just love shopping.

°Idk if mbti types could help but Im an Intp and I know zodiacs are just for fun but my zodiac is actually a lot like me which is Aries~ I also tend to have a preference more towards men than women; tend to like guys more often. I like my space so I can be alone from time to time - It's pretty nice and relaxing

-Thanks for letting me add stuff I forgot btw!!

notes - Hey anon! Your patience means the world to me and I really hope that you enjoy this! My apologies for the hiatus, but hey, I'm not getting paid to do this anyway lol. I really hope you have a super day and enjoy the matchup :)

THE CHARACTER I CHOSE FOR YOU IS...

ARLONG !!

it just really fits

the beachy vibe, the love for philosophy and architecture, I just see y'all

he's a super blunt man, and you love that about him

and he loves you with all his heart. it's a lot of admiration for you. he just loves the things your passionate about and could listen to you all day

you two work really well together and travel a lot together

he overall just appreciates you as someone he can have by his side

bro spoils you. if your love language is gift giving, just know you will be showered with gifts

he's honestly the perfect partner to just work with and travel with that will meet your needs with lots of love <3

[destinyc1020]

Sunday Confessions: JE was lucky that Z kept it classy after their breakup. The braids pic was tame to what she cudlv done (unfollow him), she just got a fanbase/locals who are smart and JE was dumb to bring all his gfs to the same place lol. Im nosy n wanna know exactly what happened lmao bt ignoring his existence is prob for the best ☠️

Z starting to like some of Kaias IG posts last yr shows her class cuz i personally culdnt b "friendly" with the gurl who was prob talking to my bf while he was still with me (at the time) lol. I wuldnt b shocked if she was referring to Z when doing that "if yr nt helping ur hurting" post, cuz although i think she likes/admires Z (and her career), people act different when they want to b with man/woman (in Kaias case, her being with JE). Hunter unfollowing her/JE (when they were together) n Z taking yrs to like smthn of Kaia kinda tells me Z knew 🙄 bt who knows what JE told Kaia about his/Zs relationshiop n gurl was lik 18/19 n may have been naive (n still seems a lil naive too tbh)

Whew, yea girl... I mean, Z really could have set JE up after their breakup. But, being the classy woman that she is, she didn't ever badmouth him, hint at anything negative with him, or tear him down on social media. I love that about her. 🥰

It's so HARD sometimes as a woman to take the high road when you feel like a relationship has ended or you feel like the man did you wrong, etc... I always admire women who can keep their private life private and not drag their ex in the media or even on social media.

RE: Kaia... Yea, I'm not gonna swear that her post was in reference to Zendaya... Cuz I just don't know? 🤷🏾‍♀️ She personally comes across to me as out of touch with reality (i.e. real life) and seems a little naive to me too? But, I guess what can you expect when she's a nepobaby and has lived in the lap of luxury her whole life? lol. 😅

I def think Z suspected something going on btwn the two of them though, cuz I just remember Z following Kaia out of the blue one day, and I was like: "Hmmm...." 👀

Z knew that Kaia was a "friend" around her man at the time...

With that said, since this is #ConfessionSunday, I'll just add my own confession... I don't really trust Kaia like that lol. I have seen too many things in the past... And maybe part of it has to do with the whole JE, Austin, and Cole Sprouse thing. Idk... but yea, there are just some women I give the side-eye to lol....especially when it seems like they don't have any "Girl Code". Some women in Hollywood I keep my eye on them.... I think she seems nice enough though. With that said, Sydney is another one I don't really trust. 🙊 Like I said, I don't trust women who don't seem to have a "Girl Code"....sorry if that sounds mean, but that's just my gut talking here. And it's Confession Sunday lol. 😅 But anyway, in Z's defense, I wouldn't have trusted her either tbh 👀, so yea, I don't blame her. 🤷🏾‍♀️