#or that lesbians are too passive to initiate relationships?

[amrv-5]

Know it's likely Not That Deep and everyone probably knows this already or something but increasingly troubled by the way that 'joking' in-group homophobic stereotypes feel like they're starting to spread into some people's legitimate conception of what it means to be gay / part of the 'in-group' or community...

[chaifootsteps]

I honestly have no idea why Vivzie is pissed that people don’t like Chaggie all that much, when, let’s be honest… They’re boring as shit??? Both as individuals and as characters. If these bitches were a meal plan, they’d be oatmeal for breakfast, white rice for lunch, unseasoned chicken for dinner, and vanilla ice cream for dessert, their relationship is BLAND and FLAVORLESS.

All they do is reaffirm each other and hold hands, no playful teasing, no bedroom talk, no flirting, NOTHING, and when they do kiss, the camera makes damn sure to IMMEDIATELY back away from it! When all the dudes kiss you get to be up close and personal, take in every last fucking detail, but the ONLY lesbian couple??? OOP, can’t show that for too long! Any and all intrigue their relationship had was crammed in at the last possible second and gets IMMEDIATELY resolved anyway, so why even bother??? HOW FO YOU MANAGE TO MAKE A LESBIAN ROMANCE BETWEEN AN ANGEL WARRIOR AND A DEMON PRINCESS BORING, VIVIENNE????

Oh, I know, because you initially didn’t plan for them to BE an item, and it fucking shows! They were only made a couple because some of the employees thought they were cute, and I’m POSITIVE if Vivzie didn’t cave in, these women would be straight as rulers, I’m not even kidding. She ONLY made them a thing for some extra brownie points, they are as plain as dirt. Not only that, but individually they are STILL BORING

Charlie, despite being the PROTAGONIST, is the character equivalent of wonder bread. She’s got no long lasting arc, barely does anything truly impactful to further her goals herself, instead passively sitting on her hands whining the second she’d gotta be proactive, relying solely on other people to do the difficult shit for her, and speaking of which, Vaggie is even MORE boring somehow!! If Charlie is wonder bread, Vaggie is flour, she’s essentially Millie 2.0, with her only personality traits being “supports her girlfriend” and “fights for her girlfriend”, if you were to remove her from Charlie entirely, she’d be NOTHING. This girl is NOTHING, Her girlfriend is NOTHING, their relationship is NOTHING, just two NOTHING characters in a NOTHING show.

Sorry this got all ranty, I have a lot more thoughts on these two than I realized

A plain, white Wonder bread with a glass of water on the side for dippin' relationship if ever there was one.

[oheck-trainwreck]

I can’t sleep so I’m thinking about my catastrophe crew au again.

I think the main cast would looks something like this:

Badboyhalo: initially an average channel 11 camera man who was assigned to the news helicopter, who becomes the helicopters reporter after tragedy and/or upper management befalls several of the replacements. He is kind of the head of the crew, in that he often comes up with the insane solutions to the problems they face (a reference to his big-finding skills on the Qsmp), but he always assists the others when they need it (after some teasing and being mischievous). He has a son, Dapper.

Tubbo: the helicopter pilot, and the youngest of the crew. He’s very smart and insightful, giving the crew advice and inspiration, and sometimes straight up solutions based on his observations. He’s very good with technology and mechanics, but since he’s too busy flying the helicopter, he doesn’t use those skills too much. Despite being fairly young, he has an adopted daughter, Sunny, who he takes care of when he’s not at work.

Bagi: the copilot. She takes over flying when tubbo is incapacitated or doing tech-y stuff elsewhere. She does copilot things (I don’t know how helicopters work) but she also has incredible deductive skills and logical reasoning. She’s very good at connecting the dots, and ends up finding out how the disasters that the crew faces are all related. (At the beginning of the show, she does not yet have Empanada).

Aypierre: the crew’s technician and mechanic. He stays on the helicopter to fox anything that breaks, and bring out odd little inventions to help with whatever bizarre situations the crew finds themselves in. He co-parents his daughter pomme with a number of other French people (they live in the same apartment complex as Bad and Dapper, which leads to Pomme seeing Bad as a father as well)

Tina: I don’t know what her job title would be, but she manages the broadcast of the sound and video from the helicopter to the newstation. She controls whose voices are broadcast on the air, which she occasionally uses to mess with people (I don’t know a whole lot about Tina, but I’ll probably come up with more details for her later)

Recurring side characters:

Cucurucho: a higher up (but not the highest up) at channel 11 news. He is the boss of all members of the crew, and is/was responsible for putting the crew together. He is mostly impartial and mainly focused on efficiency, but there are situations where they base decisions on their own desires.

Skeppy: the other reporter for the catastrophe crew, who stays within the channel 11 building. (Tbh also don’t know a lot about him. He’s probably beefing with cucurucho tho)

Relationships:

Bagina: the only relationship that will be canonized within the show. They are gay disasters around each other for a bit, flirt, date, and end up getting married and going on honeymoon right before thing get VERY BAD. Let’s go lesbians.

Cucuhalo: cucurucho has a crush on bad. Bad is dense as rocks. Cucurucho sometimes abuses his power for the sake of this one sided crush, like when he had skeppy relocated (to be further away from bad). Maybe they also live in the same apartment complex, next door neighbors or something.

Skephalo: you know how they are (probably). As the two reporters/anchors, they often have a bit of banter as the newscast switches from one to the other. They work very well together, but can’t work nearby to each other due to the jealousy of cucurucho.

Cucurucho and skeppy work in much closer proximity than either does with bad, so they have little passive aggressive interactions sometimes. Bad is also oblivious to this, and thinks that everyone should just get along.

[so-many-ocs]

slowburn romance let's do it

request from instagram that i'm uploading here <33

figure out your characters first

try and fully develop all characters involved. figure out their goals, motives, values, strengths, weaknesses, & at least a basic backstory.

then compare these elements to determine the dynamics between each character. how do their personalities contrast? where might they work well together?

take your time

remember that a slowburn isn't necessarily created with a higher word count, or with a longer period of in-universe time for your characters to get together, but how much time the reader spends getting to know their relationship.

your characters could take 10 years to get together, but, if you skip most of that time and condense the relationship into a few chapters, it may still feel rushed.

allow for growth

dedicate time to showing the development of the relationship.

how do the characters initially connect? when do they realize they like each other or get along? what do they like about one another? how do they spend their time together? when do they realize they love each other?

also consider why they don't or can't get together right away. try to make the obstacle(s) at least plausible, even if it isn't necessarily realistic.

implement conflict

i mentioned this in the previous section, but something is keeping your characters apart. maybe it's internal, and they don't realize they like one another yet, or they recognize their feelings but have other reservations (different priorities, different goals, fear of rejection...). or maybe it's external, and plot or other outside circumstances stand in the way of their budding relationship (a quest, disapproving parental figures, assassination plots...).

add chemistry (obvs)

how do these characters challenge each other? how do they balance each other out? figuring out where and how their arcs tie into one another will enable you to explore their relationship with more depth.

make them active agents in their own stories. ensuring they take an active rather than a passive role in the narrative makes their relationship more compelling.

figure out the push and pull of the dynamic. where does one character lean in while the other leans away, and vice versa?

put them on equal footing, somehow, to make their interactions more interesting. maybe one character's strengths fit perfectly with the other's weaknesses. maybe they have similar abilities, social standing, etc. and their differences lie elsewhere.

show the chemistry, through physical and verbal interactions, through internal monologues and reflections, through every avenue you can conceive of.

work out the story

figure out your storyline ahead of time. if you're not a plotter, that's fine, i vibe with that; i didn't start consistently outlining my stories until, like, a year ago, and i've been writing since i could pick up a pen.

but you need to know where the right moment in the story is for your characters to get together, and it helps to know what that moment may look like, so you can avoid a slowburn that drags on for too long or doesn't drag on long enough.

that's all!! best of luck, and happy writing!

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[uriekukistan]

um. hsaiko thoughts 🎤 individually or together or wtv i love lesbians

yessss thank you for the ask! lets go lesbians 💯💯💯💯

i think hsiao probably started with a strict rule for herself to not date coworkers because it gets messy, and in their line of work, they never know what moment will be their last, so when she started having feelings for saiko she probably tried to avoid her.

saiko has feelings for hsiao too, so when hsiao starts avoiding her she gets really sad, and eventually confronts her. hsiao confesses everything she's been feeling, including her fear of losing saiko if they get together.

saiko understands, but also doesn't really see what the big deal is. they like each other, what else matters? if they could die tomorrow, then they should at least kiss first and spend their last day surrounded by love.

hsiao thinks this makes sense actually, and that she would feel terrible if saiko died without ever telling her how much she cared for her.

hsiao is pretty shy, so saiko initiates most of the affection between them. they're both homebodies, so they prefer stay-at-home dates, ordering takeout and watching movies, or saiko teaching hsiao how to play her newest favorite video game.

they're very open and vulnerable with each other and share a lot of their feelings and how their past experiences have shaped them. saiko's generally not super shy about how she's feeling, but for hsiao it takes a lot to open up, so it really shows how much she trusts saiko.

healthy, open communication is key for them. if there's a conflict between the two of them, they just talk it out. no avoiding it, no passive aggressiveness, no lashing out. dare i say one of, if not the healthiest relationship in tg?

thank you for the ask! this was really fun :3

[drdemonprince]

hey i know what im about to ask for advice for isnt ur experience but i thought its possible someone else in ur audience has had a similar one its just starting to get unbearable. im in my early 20s and an autistic lesbian. im almost done with college, have had good friends here, have had good friends online as well, but to my knowledge no one throughout my entire life has had even a crush on me. ive never kissed anyone, no one’s asked me out, even as a kid at recess or whatever. like sometimes i even wish a boy had paid attention to me in that way because maybe then it prove theres not something wrong with me. its just so isolating because literally everyone else in my life has at least been kissed or had a crush situation by the time they were my age. ive tried to talk on dating apps but i just have zero confidence about it because no one who has actually seen me or talked to me for more than a couple times has expressed interest. maybe im oblivious to it being autistic but like i would know if someone said something explicit you know? i feel like it wont ever happen. idk. i think it would help to know if people thought the same things about themselves and then something did happen for them. because it just feels like im the only person alive with this experience who actually wants these things to happen (like i know ace/aro people are out there, its just not me)

Thank you for your question. I'll share some of my thoughts, with the huge caveats that I have not lived this experience, and hopefully readers with more relevant perspectives could also weigh in.

I notice here that you describe yourself and your relationship to attraction in terms of things happening to you, or you receiving certain kinds of attention. You frame yourself throughout this as the possible passive recipient of attraction. But what about what you want? How often have you expressed desire to somebody? How frequently and in what ways have you initiated contact, told someone you were interested in them, or invited someone on a date?

You mention using dating sites and talking with people, but those conversations never turning into anything more. That seems to be a very common problem in the lesbian dating world. I think a lot of women do not feel confident and comfortable in expressing their desires outright and it seems to lead to a lot of grinding of gears and people assuming that nobody is interested in them when really all parties involved feel too shy and disempowered to use their words and directly ask for a date.

I understand that to be a very common thing for queer women, though admittedly it is difficult for me to wrap my mind around as someone who was telling people on OK Cupid that i wanted to meet up and fuck them that evening back when I was like 21 years old, and who moves through the realms of steamworks and grindr and the cell block bar dancefloor now. I've had many interpersonal problems but telling somebody directly that I wanted to bang or even to hang out has not historically been one of them, and I really wish I could just lend some of that hutzpah over to my lensbian siblings because I hear people grousing about how dry apps like Lex are all the time.

It seems pretty glib and unhelpful for me to say "just act more like a bluntly direct gay autistic man" and to say that would be to ignore that a lack of confidence and queer women skewing a bit passive are probably not the only factors you're dealing with. There might be biases working against you like fatphobia, racism, or ableism that incline fewer people to openly express desire for you, and that's a real problem that operates outside of you and that no amount of self love can eradicate, and I think it's validating and important to just acknowledge when the deck is stacked against people.

But there are lots of people out there who will want to date and fuck you, for sure, even if you are dealing with any of those injustices, and additionally, I doubt from your message that you're doing anything particularly weird or off putting in your messages with people on dating apps that's like driving anybody away. You mention that you have a lot of good friends and that things are otherwise going pretty decently for you in life, so it really doesn't seem to me like anything you are doing or bringing to the table is "wrong". And over the years I have known a great many lesbians and wlw who were very social, outgoing, fun to be around, cute, and a total romantic prize who just did not fuck or date until their late 20s or 30s or beyond, because of some of the social forces I already described (and again I encourage my lesbian followers to contribute to the conversation because I know it's not my lane and I might not be explaining the phenomenon correctly).

If you haven't, I would suggest showing your dating app profile and messages to some trusted friends (maybe some gay men as well as other queer women?) to get a variety of perspectives and some reassurance.

But I think, based on the admittedly limited information that I have here, that you just need to approach people more and more directly, and that slowly through that you will become more comfortable with initiation and rejection, as well as with seeing yourself as a sexual being with agency, rather than a passive receiver of others' interest.

Try telling people directly that they are cute, that you like them, that you want to be around them, that you'd like to kiss them, that you'd love to go see a movie with them or tie them up or finger blast them or that being near them makes you happy or horny or etc as the situation warrants. If you havent already that is!

[fairy-switchblade]

hello, dear femme mentor <3

so, i'm in a new relationship with a lovely butch who i really want to get things right with, but i'm finding that i'm having trouble initiating - kisses, casual touching, sex - bc i've only ever been with someone who was both very dominant & saw my femmeness as my being passive, so never let me initiate. i've told my partner as much, & that i want to initiate, but that leads me to the fact that i don't really know how ? i think it's a matter of both shyness & lack of practice but i do really really like them & i want to show them that i want them too. often desperately so.

p.s. i really love your "advice to my baby femme self" posts & they've been so so meaningful to me as ive started embracing my femme identity, thank you for making them <3

Hi! Thats very sweet, thank you but please just call me Niamh!

That’s wonderful about your new relationship, I’m so happy for you! I think first and foremost, it’s lovely you want to take your relationship seriously, thats great. However, if you can, please don’t put a lot of pressure on yourself or get stressed out about it. You are doing your best and that is enough! Growing and getting better in a relationship happens naturally over time, as you listen and adjust.

It’s very natural to find being the initiator hard- I think especially for lesbians generally speaking. It can be even harder again if you’re a femme, due to that ongoing misconception that we don’t do that 😅 of course, that’s nonsense. It sounds like you’re unpacking how your previous dynamic may be affecting your view of your sexuality and identity- so you’re very self aware! And are already doing the work. Might I suggest writing some of this down? You could also create an art piece if you don’t like writing. What this does is it helps you keep that reflective work going. You’re basically trying to ask yourself “my previous butch wanted this from me, and that gave me one idea of what femme meant, but is that the only acceptable definition? How much of that was me, and how much of it was what they were projecting onto me?” These are questions only you can answer for yourself, I certainly don’t want to tell you what to do, or think, or be. This might help improve your confidence and general peace, which may help a lot with what you’re currently experiencing.

If you have more practical concerns about how to initiate, perhaps start small. Fantasies can help you figure out how you want to show up in your relationship. Remember they are completely private- nobody can see inside your head. They don’t necessarily have to be sexual either. Let’s say for example you have a daydream about coming up behind your partner when they’re doing the washing up, and wrapping your hands around their waist, and giving them a hug. You could then ask your partner about it sometime, like “hey, how would you feel if I hugged you in this way? Good? No?” And see what they say. Communicate, communicate, communicate.

Time and experience improves confidence. Listen, learn and be respectful. And just know that there is nothing non-femme or wrong with your desires. You can take initiative, it’s wonderful, it’s natural. Have fun and be safe!

[symptoms-syndrome]

TW for sex. I'm talking about sex. And my feelings about it.

It feels very hard for me to balance all my feelings about sex. Some of the feelings I have include:

I want to have sex

I have used sex as a self harm method before

I have some traumatic experiences related to sex

I enjoy sex

I used to have sex too easily (not in a slut shame-y way, just in a way that I was very vulnerable with people far too quickly and had sex with people who didn't respect me)

I feel like sex is too hard for me now because I'm too picky

I'm anxious about initiating now

Having sex too much = bad (not true! Just a residual guilt from upbringing)

I've had sex with too many people for a Good Person to want to have sex with me now (also not true)

I feel it's my responsibility to disclose my sexual history to a potential partner (true, to an extent)

My sexual history is complicated

Is having a hookup responsible for me? (Genuinely don't know, hookups in general are morally neutral but IDK if they're good for me)

How do I balance self respect with wanting/having a lot of sex

What if I brave it all and have sex with someone and it fucking sucks (has happened)

I want to top sometimes. I'm vers. But I've been topping in basically constantly and I need a break. I've been too generous and have neglected my own desires. But there's a bottom oversaturation RN LMAO, and a lot of bottoms are...to be frank, selfish and/or lazy lovers. Not all of them, but enough that I want to be cautious and only top when I can get my needs (physically, emotionally, etc) met as well.

Sometimes *I* want to be a selfish lazy lover

My history of sex work complicates things: do I disclose it? Can people tell? How do I mentally separate sex work feelings (I'm doing this to please another person, it's a chore) from non sex work feelings (I'm doing this for fun, for myself)

Kink is important to me and my sex life. I am mostly satisfied by sex with kink. Kink is also something that needs to be built up to. I won't be able to satisfy my desire for kink with a hookup or first/second date.

I don't always know if someone wants to have sex with me, or if they do, if I am what they actually want. Sometimes people think I'm a man or a woman and want to have sex with me based on that, and I don't know how to disclose about my non binary body and non binary identity. It feels sometimes like deception to have sex with someone who identifies as a lesbian, straight, or monosexual gay. And I don't want my identity or body configuration to come as a surprise.

I wish I could have sex as easily as I did when I was "easy." But I know that isn't responsible for me, physically or emotionally.

I sometimes feel like I'm predatory or creepy or coming on too strong if I say I want to have sex with someone. I want them to know they can say no and my opinion of them won't change. I worry about initiating and unintentionally putting someone in a position where they want to say no but feel pressured not to for whatever reason. I've been in situations like that, where I've felt like I had to say yes not because of anything the other person did, but because it was just hard for me to say no to anything. I guess that's why I don't want to have relationships with anyone who's shy or passive. I want to know that my partner can and will say no to me.

My genitalia is brand new. I haven't used it yet with another person since surgery. I don't know exactly what I like yet. I need someone safe and patient and understanding to experiment with. But I worry about things being TOO focused on me. I don't want the other person to feel neglected sexually.

Ughhh sex is just so fucking hard (no pun intended) and complicated. I just want to fuck LMAO.

[amynchan]

No matter how much you try to change from your foundations to be a better person, you're gonna run into biases you didn't know you ever had, and you're even gonna run into preconceived notions that you unintentionally got from trying to be a better person.

When this happens, it's ok. You're human, just like the rest of us. Here's what you do:

Recognize that it's a bias or a preconceived notion. The hardest part about this is our longing to be 'good' that forces us into denial and makes the problem worse. So don't do that. Recognize when there's a problem.

Examine it. Why is this bias here? What does it mean for you? What kind of conclusions does this notion help you to reach?

Ask yourself how you can apply little changes to change it. Just little stuff. Trying to turn around big ideas in a matter of a few days is really, really difficult, but trying to ignore it will leave it there forever.

Keep at it. You're gonna fall and stumble a bit, and that's okay. Just keep at it, and you'll do better.

Example under the cut because mine is kinda controversial (and I'm used to that)

So in trying to be a better person, I started resisting what I learned as a kid and leaned into the whole 'people love who they love' bit. Gay rights, trans rights, lesbian rights, you name it. So I spent a very long time trying to deprogram what I'd learned so I could be a better ally. A lot of people have this story.

Where this story starts is when I was reading a gay fanfic (which is honestly now one of my favs and I love it so much. Partially for the reason about to come).

So one of the characters has an ex boyfriend he calls 'spontaneous Kyle.' When I read it, I thought that that was a strange name for a girl, and it took me forever to realize that a gay man had had an unsatisfying relationship with another man. It wasn't even exaggerated abusive (which I'm used to as a narrative device from lots of angles), it was just an uncomfortable relationship that didn't work out. It also wasn't the only one of his previous relationships that didn't work out. There was a dude that was likened to a teddy bear, really sweet, but it just didn't work out because of life stuff.

Here's where my reprograming had gone wrong: I presumed that once gay men broke out of heteronormative trends, the first man they found would be infinitely better because no social restrictions and therefore be True Love. I had a bias, hidden from myself, that gay love is intrinsically better and therefore true and Couldn't Go Wrong barring excessive abuse.

That is where my efforts to become a better ally led me (because romance, though I really want it, isn't something that makes immediate sense to me, so I gotta think it through a lot).

So that was step 1. Recognizing that I had that preconceived notion. It took a whole fanfiction outside of my perspective to see, but now that I could, I was Flabbergasted, and I realized that that had to Change.

So, onto step 2. I had to figure out why I thought gay love was better and what led to that thinking. What I eventually figured out is that in the campaigning for rights, LGBTQ present their case as fiercely as possible, arguing to be natural to themselves against the forced heteronormativity of most society. It's a persuasion tactic, and it's honestly one I don't blame them for using, but as I was passively absorbing the media around it, it went too far in my mind.

So I had to look really hard at it and say 'what do they really want?' And the answer I, a heteroromantic demisexual, finally came to was that they just want the choice of it. They want to meet people, put their hearts on the line, get those hearts broken, and trial and error their way to true love in the same way straight people get to now. Big difference to what I initially thought, which was "get rid of the heteronormativity so we can all find our One True Love immediately," which is what I'd unintendedly absorbed through all of the LGBTQ media and campaigning.

Listen: this is about recognizing and changing biases and preconceived notions. I wouldn't be able to outline this process if I didn't go through it myself.

Step 3 is actually about how to change those biases. Since it'd be really intrusive--not to mention rude af--to ask actual LGBTQ people about their dating history and whether they'd found dissatisfying LGBTQ relationships in the past, I went back to the fanfiction. Whenever I read 'spontaneous Kyle,' I forced him to take shape in my mind. The other boyfriends, too. I forced them to take shape and be paired off with the character so I could force myself to visualize what I'd unintentionally ignored. Same for other fanfictions. If I saw a past partner, I'd force myself to stop and visualize what that had to be like to remind myself that love is love in the way that it is messy, confusing, and not always straightforward.

Step 4 is one I'm still on and will be on until the notion is fully dispelled. The fact that it still sometimes catches me by surprise reminds me that I need to keep working at it until it's just another fact of life.

So I feel like I'm at least aware of and changing that bias, and I know there are others lurking around in my brain just because of how I was raised and how I myself tried to overcome what I saw as shortcomings in my own raising. I'm going to get it wrong, and so are you. However, taking the moment to admit what's going wrong and taking steps to correct it helps you move forward as a person.

Anyways, this is for the people who are like me and usually terrified to admit that they've done wrong in trying to become a better person because they feel like they're about to be horribly punished for trying to do the right thing. Even if you made a mistake, you're allowed to try to do better.

it's safe to try and do better.

[lycorid]

Wow, a yuri with adult characters! And they’re both 35!

Years ago, when I spent a lot more of my free time reading manga, I would often come across a scanlator group called the Sexy Akiba Detectives. Their name came to stick in my mind because of how often I saw it in their custom credits, accompanied by whatever comments they had about the chapter. I learned from reading those notes that they were a yuri focused group that occasionally did other genres as commissions. Years later, tonight actually, their name popped up in my mind and I went and looked through the list of manga they’ve scanlated, looking for something to read. This manga stood out to me, so I gave it a shot.

I read the available chapters Mangadex has, then I went looking for the rest; the next site I found only had up to chapter 30, so I’ll have to find another. All in all, I’m really enjoying it. I don’t agree with the last line of the description calling the characters “some awful human beings” however, as I feel like it just glazes over why the characters act the way they do and how the people around them influence it to instead just boil it down to them being “terrible people.” I haven’t finished the manga yet though so maybe the two main characters become serial killers or something.

The big plot twist is revealed chapter one and acts as the catalyst for everything else, so I don’t feel a particular need to add a spoiler, but some people do care so as always; thar be spoilers below.

I haven’t quite had time to sort my feelings about this manga into more coherent thoughts, so a lot of this will be just me rambling. A lot of this manga is more feelings for me anyway, so it isn’t that off anyway.

The way homophobia is presented in this feels very refreshing, though it feels odd to put it that way. Relatable may be a less… inciting word. It isn’t loud and violent, it isn’t in hushed whispers, it’s subtle; it’s baked into the words and actions of the characters in a way that feels natural. It’s a hidden poison.

Fairly early in the manga, Ayano comes out to her husband, and later his family, that she had an affair with another woman. These are the panels that stuck out to me specifically.

I cropped out parts that weren’t relevant to my point. I do wonder if I’m looking too far into it, and the mother is just reacting that way not because she kissed a woman, but because kissing was as far as it went.

This is the kind I’m use to seeing and experiencing, the kind that even well-meaning or seemingly decent people display. They don’t even notice it. Violence is in your face, you have to at least pretend to disavow it. But this is so baked into people’s beliefs that questioning it would have everyone in the room look at you like you’re crazy. If you put homosexual and heterosexual relationships on a scale, the former would have no chance of touching the ground.

This kind of language exists when you see lesbianism as a transitional period or a phase in a woman’s life. You can play around while you’re in school, but once you graduate then marrying a man and having his children is where you will always end up.

Ayano as a character is also really interesting to me. She is a great example of a passive character; she constantly moves forward in life without any real will or want, at least until she meets Akari. She married her husband because she thought he’d be an okay person to marry, she agreed to wanting children but left it to something that will come when it’s time; more and more, it becomes apparent that she doesn’t want these things because now that shes taken something for herself, she can’t stop. She admits almost immediately to her husband that she had an affair, shes completely open about it to his family, like she wants them to push her away, to initiate everything, because she can’t do it herself. She makes no attempt to hide her feelings and openly admits to him that shes texting the woman she had an affair with. She wants to want, to take, to not be passive, but she doesn’t know how and still needs someone else to give her the push.

It feels a little unfair to write so little about this manga in comparison to Tomorrow, I Will Be Somebody’s Girlfriend when I have comparable feelings to both, but the latter is so much easier to write about because there’s so much going on, so many characters (and it’s longer!) while the former is more of a nebulous feeling in my chest that brings hazy memories of my own to mind.

[headedoutleft]

Didn’t want to derail the comic post that I just reblogged or drag OP into discourse that doesn’t apply to them, but it drives me crazy that lesbians will discuss the challenges of navigating wlw relationships, which are very real, and then people will say shit like, “bi women are faking because they never have sex with women”

Yeah I think it makes sense when you consider 1. statistics and 2. women generally don’t pursue other women like men do (obviously I’ve met women who do, but they are not the norm outside of lesbian circles). Women will often in my experience act in ways that present ambiguous desire to spend time together without expressing attraction out of fear of losing friendship, and then end up feeling lonely and going out with a dude who’s just persistent in expressing attraction because that’s what he’s been socialized to do

And it’s safe to to say based on demo studies that there are far more bisexual people than homosexual (50% of USAmericans identifying as LGBTQ identify as bi per a Gallup poll a couple years ago), which means that’s a whole lot of women attracted to women who are never ever saying that to other women because they’re afraid of losing a friend or have low self esteem or are socialized to be passive in building relationships and don’t feel comfortable expressing attraction. It’s also often difficult to identify other bisexuals irl for a ton of reasons

So there’s so many layers of resistance to that relationship or sexual encounter even happening, a tremendous amount of loneliness happening for women who end up in relationships that don’t fulfill all of their desires, and then the women who are most visibly open to having those relationships with them… make fun of them or refuse to date them because they don’t think they’re legitimately an option

Like when my friend was on dating apps a few years ago, the number of women who refused to go out with her or ghosted once they found out she was bi was incredibly sad tbh. She did not want to date men at that point, but she struggled to connect with women at all. And I want to be clear, she had had sex with women before, this wasn’t even a case of a woman who was seeking an initial sexual experience with other women

There are just so many reasons why bi women end up with someone of the opposite sex who shows up and genuinely wants to connect and miss the opportunity to connect with women. It’s statistically and socially more likely to happen

I’m hopeful this is changing as Gen Z is way more likely to be open about their attraction (the kiddos I know in middle school are experiencing social complexities that make my middle school experience look easy by comparison lmao) and more likely to be open in identifying themselves as bi. I think that’s fantastic! I hope that increased visibility helps change the way older people view and express their sexuality too

I saw some data just now when I checked that said only 10% of US millenials identify as LGBTQ based on a Gallup poll a few years ago. That cannot be accurate, imo, and I think as acceptance grows and folks begin to explore their needs more then that will change over time. But the obstacles to entry are so complex and we need to be kind to people who are figuring out later in life who they are and wanting to have those experiences

All that to say

Women start telling other women you think they’re hot as fuck, the risk is not that high, it’ll be okay

[roboromantic]

if you constantly have to go on joke posts abt asexuals and be like "UM ACTUALLY I'm ace and we can TOO have sex! I LOVE it <3" then I think maybe it's not the label for you. Given that words are used to communicate ideas with other people and for the vast majority of people asexual=not wanting to have sex (or ofc asexual reproduction in plants/animals), regardless of what "formal" definition you may use, it's just not great for communicating.

one thing that really bugs me about the whole "yeah ace people can totally have sex too! you don't have to be sexually attracted to someone to have sex with them :)" is like. people are Literally sent to conversion camps, given electric shocks, and far worse to try and force them to be in relationships with people they aren't attracted to. It's not something people can just ignore like that, and being like "oh I don't experience sexual attraction to anyone but I still like having sex with people" feels WILDLY dismissive of that. Like you NEVER see people saying "UM ACTUALLY I'm a gay man and we can TOO have sex with women <3" (this post is not for transphobes. but I do think saying one is gay or lesbian can also cause mild communication issues bc some people are including trans people and others. aren't)

Obviously not feeling any sexual attraction is different from feeling sexual attraction towards one group and being told "no that's the WRONG group" but it's the same concept. I guess because they don't experience sexual attraction they don't have anything to compare it to and don't feel the same kind of wrongness I assume gay men and lesbians do? That seems wild to me bc I would think that not feeling sexual attraction would mean having sex with anyone would feel equally wrong, not anywhere from ambivalant to enjoyable. but I guess that's why I never feel at home in online ace communities lmao

now I know a reddit poll is hardly indicative of the wider ace community, but it's interesting to me that about 41% of the people who actually answered the question rather than hitting see results do in fact have a preference for what genitals their partner has. I would think if you don't experience sexual attraction then it shouldn't really matter, right? like yeah certain things might feel better than others but like. is this to the point where you wouldn't date someone who doesn't match your preferences??? Or is it just like "oh that woulda been nice but this'll be okay" idk. do y'all get what I'm saying

also when sexuality was understood based on what you did and not who you were attracted to then like. if you enjoyed having sex with someone you would clearly not be considered asexual.

I saw some iteration of this post a few days ago that said something along the lines of "the reason so many people call themselves bottoms/subs is because being tops/doms is associated with actively wanting sex and feeling desire. Because so many people grew up in a more conservative environment, they have all these negative associations with sexual desire, and even if they are okay with being trans, gay, having sex before marriage, etc. they still feel some level of guilt/shame about their own sexual desires. Being the "passive" participant absolves them of it - it's not okay to want to have sex, but it's fine to agree to it if someone else initiates it"

I'm probably misremembering it a bit and to be honest I don't 100% agree with that idea. But I do wonder if maybe some people are using "asexual" in a similar way.

[hopeshoodie]

Part 7 of my Pros and Cons of dating the different islanders (yes I’m finally coming back to this :P) 

Gary

Cons

He doesn’t have a whole lot of thoughts about things that he’s not actively excited or annoyed by, and he doesn’t really feign interest. If MC buys a new top, or is invested in a new show, or anything that Gary doesn’t really care about, he’ll really disinterestedly say “that’s cool babe,” and make her feel like it’s unimportant. He’s not patronizing/embarrassing her on purpose, he just doesn’t have a lot of tact. You would have to really talk to him and work with him to get him out of this habit, because he doesn’t see how it’s hurtful or care that much to change.

He gets really defensive. If you call him out on his behavior or point out how he’s really stubborn, he’ll argue with you without really considering if his behavior is bad. Arguments with Gary suck because it gets to a point where he’s not hearing you and will just say “whatever” and refuse to engage. The best way to change Gary’s behavior is some pavlovian shit- you need to offer positive reinforcement without him really noticing. When he communicates really well, shower him with affection. When he picks up after himself, tell him how much you appreciate it. 

He’s very willing to walk away from things that challenge him instead of trying to grow as a person. We saw that with him and Lottie- whenever she or MC offered valid criticism of his behavior he would just walk away. That applies to most areas of his life- if he tries a new hobby and isn’t good at it immediately he’ll drop it. He doesn’t really like trying new things or going to new places, and if something challenges his worldview he’s more likely to ignore it than engage.

I’ve said this already but he buys MC heart shaped jewelry and pandora charm bracelets...

Gary’s a lad. While he doesn’t intend to hurt anyone’s feelings, he never really engaged with social justice issues and he hasn’t done the work needed to be anti-racist. He’ll laugh along to sexist, racist, homophobic, and ableist jokes without really thinking about the implication. He’s loath to call anyone out. If MC points out ‘hey that thing you/your friend said is hurtful,” he’ll get defensive and say “why are you ruining a good time? It was just a joke” If MC sits down and explains to him how the things he says are actively hurting her, he’ll internalize that and not do it. But he’s really hesitant to say the same to other people- he doesn’t want to ‘ruin the mood’ and get made fun of for being ‘PC’. 

Gary’s super dense. He doesn’t really pick up hints very well, so MC needs to explicitly tell him “I need you to compliment this dress” or “we haven’t gone on a proper date in awhile and I’m feeling undesired, can we go out for dinner tomorrow?” I firmly believe that the reason Gary tolerated all of Lottie’s passive aggressiveness was because he didn’t pick up on it, so MC needs to be direct. 

He doesn’t appreciate all the effort it takes to get all dolled up, even though he loves it when MC goes all out. I know he SAYS he doesn’t like high maintenance women, but in canon when given the choice between Hannah (seemingly low maintenance) and Marisol (very outgoing and done up), he chooses the higher-maintenance option. Every woman he dated on the show was a glam kind of girl- MC, Lottie, Marisol. So while he loves when MC has a full face and outfit done, he complains about how long it takes her and how she always sneaks away for touch ups during the night. He’s one of those dudes who is like “wow you’re so pretty without makeup” but you’re literally wearing foundation, contour, eyeshadow, eyeliner, mascara, blush- he thinks the difference between makeup and not wearing any makeup is red lipstick. This is super annoying because MC puts a lot of effort into her look only for him to downplay that effort but still enjoy the results. 

Building off of the above, Gary severely underestimates how much effort it takes to do “domestic work” like cooking, cleaning, and administrating for the household (I imagine pre-MC he forgets to do the basics like renew licenses, register to vote, schedule appointments, etc). So if MC points out how she spent the whole day cleaning, he’ll be like “that seems a bit much? You just cleaned the kitchen?” and doesn’t really get it until MC breaks down “I swept and washed the floor, I disinfected the dishwasher, I ran cleaners through the sink link, I cleaned out and organized the fridge, I dusted and sanitized the chandelier, I organized the spice drawer,  I wiped out the cabinets…” He’s not really motivated to learn how to clean or do laundry or cook.

He doesn’t communicate. This is canon- he doesn’t tell Lottie where his head is at in the game, he strings Lottie and Hannah along, and he doesn’t reassure MC when other girls are clearly cracking on with him. So most of the problems in a relationship with Gary come from MC not knowing what he wants and him never initiating emotionally vulnerable conversations. 

He’s not going to do well if MC needs to travel a lot for work, and he’s not going to move to live with her. Even after his nan dies, I don’t see him leaving Chatham. So if moving to a new place is important to you, this is a dealbreaker.

Pros

If something goes really wrong, he’ll never do the same thing twice. This applies to physical mistakes as well as emotional- if he forgets to wear eye protection and gets sawdust in his eyes, he’ll be religious about wearing glasses from them on. If he forgets a birthday or anniversary and makes MC cry, he will be SO diligent from then on about remembering dates. On that thought, he HATES seeing MC cry. He will move heavens and earth to stop whatever’s upsetting her or fix it. 

Hugs and cuddling from Gary? So comforting. He just has that vibe, like he’s a really good cuddler. Not to mention that he’s really good at the nasty in canon, so it would stand to reason………

All of that internalized masculinity has an upside- he wants to take care of his family. He’s on top of all the ‘masculine’ caretaking stuff like buying a home, maintaining the landscaping, fixing the tires on the vehicles, shoveling, fixing stuff up around the house, managing the cable/internet/tech. Which is nice because I hate doing those things, but also I’m absolutely teaching him how to do laundry and pick up after himself. 

Gary is SO calm in emergency situations. I have this headcanon for Rahim too, but the more panicked those around them get, the calmer they are. Especially in situations where they’ve prepared/considered before like tornadoes or floods. They’re not the kind of guys who take the lead normally, but in these super dire situations they find it in them to take over and calm everyone else down. I can see him having a lowkey stockpile of food, an emergency first aid kit, and a go-bag. 

I know people don’t like this headcanon, but too bad. Gary is catholic. That’s the law. Sorry I don’t make the rules. That’s not so much of a pro for me, an atheist nihilist lesbian, but I can recognize a religious man has a certain amount of charm. He has a close knit community, is super consistent about attending services, and has a certain level of taking morals really seriously. He definitely donates a fair bit to charity and is always the one saying “love thy neighbor” when people are being shitty. 

Gary’s spontaneous, but in a controlled way. He very much likes his routine and respects MC’s need for consistency. But periodically he’ll just be like “we have nothing planned for today- want to go rent a paddleboat?” or he’ll pick up flowers “just because”. If MC and he are going on a vacation, he much prefers to only plan 1 or 2 things to do a day and then once they’re in the place see interesting things and suggest ‘let’s do that’. He’ll do really thoughtful stuff like text MC if she has anything planned for dinner then randomly bring her favorite restaurant food home. Thursday nights are date nights!! Doing formal ‘dress up nice and go to a proper dinner date without the kids and movie’ is really important to him.

Gary’s a really good dad. Like yeah he has a lot to learn about not telling his son to ‘stop crying’ and not telling his daughter ‘no boys until you’re married’, but he genuinely wants the best for them. He’s really supportive of their hobbies/sports/interests, and will happily pay for summer camp/field trips/conventions. He might not ‘get it’ all the time, but he’ll smile and nod. 

He gets a lot of delight out of really little things. If his kid draws something for him, he’ll pin it to the fridge and smile at it every time he sees it without fail. If MC says she likes a certain shirt on him, he’ll triple the amount of times he wears it. He keeps the bird feeders outside their dining room window full, because he can happily sit with a cup of coffee and watch the birds for hours. It truly is the little things.

He’s really good at remembering MC’s favorite things, or even things she mentioned liking once. This is to the point where it’s a bit confusing. MC will compliment Gary’s nan on her christmas poinsettias one year, then two years later Gary buys a ton of poinsettias and is like “I thought you loved poinsettias” and not be able to remember why he thought that. So MC has to be careful with fake compliments, because Gary cannot tell the difference. But that’s still, like, super endearing and nice of him. 

There’s a few LIs that I feel like could get bored in a long-term relationship. I can see Lucas, Felix, and Rahim feeling like they’re ‘falling out of love’ when the intensity of a new relationship fades and they struggle to settle into domesticity. Gary is NOT one of them. He’s one of those “I fall in love with you more every single day” kind of guys. As MC gains weight/ages, he’ll insist “you age like a fine wine” and “I like you more with meat on your bones”. He’ll insist to their kids that “your mom is the most beautiful woman on earth”. Gary was built for long-term relationships.

[multiuniverse02]

(Art done here )

Just a little FAQ for them 💕

PRE - RELATIONSHIP

1. How did they first meet ?

Hudson was assigned to Charlie as partners for one case two years ago. It didn’t go well (to say the least) but they soon figured out how to work with each other

2. What was their first impression of each other ?

Hudson’s impression: She thought that Charlie was too hot headed and dangerous

Charlie’s impression: Charlie thought Hudson was a bit boring.

3. Did any of their friends or family want them to get together ?

Staci didn’t care, he was neutral about it. Others that worked in the police department were happy though

4. Who felt romantic feelings first ?

Charlie did

5. Did either of them try to resist their feelings ?

Charlie did because she was worried Hudson wasn’t a bisexual/lesbian

6. If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate , what would they think ?

Hudson would be a bit flustered, just laughing and saying “really? the world must hate me” but it’s just banter between the two

Charlie would cry for a bit, she’s very sentimental

7. What would their lives be like if they had never met ?

Hudson would of just been the same honestly. Charlie would of probably been the same too, just a bit more lonely

| GENERAL

1. Who initiated the relationship , and how did it go ?

Hudson did, surprisingly. It ended in Charlie with her mouth wide open and becoming mute for a few minutes

2. Did they have an official first date ? If so , what was it like ?

They did! The two went to a diner and had dinner then went stargazing in an empty field while sharing ice cream.

3. What was their first kiss like ?

Hudson kissed Charlie first (how the relationship was initiated). It was quick and sweet, nothing too much.

4. Were they each other's first anything ( kiss , relationship , etc. ) ?

Hudson: No

Charlie: No

5. What's their height difference ? Age difference ?

Hudson: Height 5’6 Age 28

Charlie: Height 5’8 Age 23

6. What's their relationship with each other's families ?

Bittersweet to say the least

7. Who takes the lead in social situations ?

Charlie does, she’s very social

8. Who gets jealous easier ?

Charlie does, but also Hudson does get a bit jealous. But it’s very passive

9. Who whispers inappropriate things in the other's ear ?

Charlie does, and it either ends with a slap on the arm by Hudson or with the two of them giggling through a kiss

LOVE

1. Who said " I love you ” first ?

Charlie did, after waiting a few months of dating.

2. What are their primary love languages ?

Hudson: Acts of service

Charlie: Quality time

3. Who uses cheesy pick - up lines ?

Charlie does, 24/7. Hudson does too but only when she’s drunk.

4. How often do they cuddle / engage in PDA ?

Not often because they have to remain professional during the job. But after work they always hold hands, share a hug or a kiss.

5. Who initiates kisses ?

It’s pretty equal between the two

6. Who's the big and little spoon ?

Hudson: Little spoon

Charlie: Big spoon

7. What are their favorite things to do together ?

Getting milkshakes together at their favorite diner, getting drunk, listening to music in their car after driving to a disclosed location and solving cases together

8. Who's better at comforting the other ?

Charlie is; especially after Hudson got PTSD from John kidnapping her.

9. Who's more protective ?

Charlie!!

10. Do they prefer verbal or physical affection ?

Hudson and Charlie both prefer physical

11. What are some songs that apply to their relationship , in - universe or otherwise ?

Play date: Melanie Martinez

Just the way you are: Bruno Mars

Toothbrush: DNCE

Kiss Me More: Doja Cat (This one fits them the most)

12. What kind of nicknames do they call each other ?

Hudson @ Charlie: “Charles” (inside joke from when she was drunk) “The chaotic one” and “Rook”

Charlie @ Hudson: “JoJo” and “Kitten”

13. Who remembers the little things ?

Both do! They love their inside jokes and remember everything for it.

DOMESTIC LIFE

1. If they get married , who proposes ?

Charlie does :)

2. What's the wedding like ? Who attends ?

All of the police department plus parents and any close friends

3. How many kids do they have , if any ? What are they like ?

No kids

4. Do they have any pets ?

They adopt a dog and have a cow

5. Who's the stricter parent ?

Hudson would be the strict parents

6. Who worries the most ?

Hudson

7. Who kills the bugs in the house ?

Hudson, 90% of the time at least

[nightswithkookmin]

Hello. Thank you for all your all post and analysis. I LOVE LOVE your mind. I'm new to BTS and all the skinship was confusing to me. I blame heavily edited YT videos and my own definition of what a committed relationship should look like. I have 2 small questions. 1) How can anyone resist Park Jimin? Once you Jimin you can't Jimout is real... 2) Do you see any of the other members being a temptation to JK or JM this far along in their relationship?

Woke is what you are. And you are right about most shippers making a big deal out of skinship. It can be confusing especially if you have no idea the difference between conventional shipping and alternative shipping.

Honestly, it's cute and I don't see anything wrong with that as long as that is not the basis for determining if two people are in fact LGBTQ plus and in a relationship with eachother.

Any member being a temptation? As in Jikook being attracted to any other member besides eachother?

I-

Sorry. That was a good one. Lol.

No but seriously, all the boys are handsome and attractive and have qualities that are equally legitimate and attractive. So I guess in that regard, any of them can be a temptation to Jikook?

I mean they are human...

But for anyone within the group to be deemed a threat or temptation to either of Jikook they must possess not just looks but qualities that are absent in either of Jikook that results in an emotional need that Jikook may want to look else where for the fulfillment of such said need because the other couldn't meet them.

They must be fulfilling a need that either of Jikook cannot and have not been fulfilling in each other.

I haven't seen Jimin or JK express the least sexual interest or romantic interest in any of member besides each other in that regard.

I've not seen them demand emotional fulfillment from the other members the way they demand emotional and physical fulfillment from each other either.

Whatever needs they have, they fulfill it for eachother and where the other person falls short I see them negotiating and bargaining until those needs are met.

What I mean is, Jimin wants JK to be the one to meet all his emotional, sexual needs and he often negotiates with JK till JK fulfills them. Jk does this too. Isn't that what I said had been going on between them? Jikook asserting themselves against each other?

Jk not wanting to hide their relationship, Jimin wanting the Kumbaya of the group, yadda yadda yadda?

They don't allow the others to fulfill their needs nor do they use others to fulfill their needs. Nor do I think the others can fulfill their needs. Especially when the others for the sake of the longevity of their careers would rather they hide their relationship when hiding is the last thing JK wants?

No one in the group is a temptation for JK. No one. LMHO.

They are eachother's romantic and sexual awakening as I've said several times and that I feel is sacred to them too- especially JK who is a hopeless romantic.

Jimin has said he wants the person he falls in love with to be the only one for the rest of his life- I think that's the bell that sold JK. Lol

Jimin has said his ideal partner is a cross between JK and RM- RM because of his intelligence and ability to have deeper conversations about a broader range of topics I believe.

But funny enough, RM is the one member JM has expressed the least romantic interest in. I mean did you see his face when RM bit off food and placed it back in its box? This is the same dude that ate a cake JK blew his nose on- nasty ass but only for JK. Bless him.

Then I've seen JK drool over Tae's body? I'm not talking about the new Jersey VLive where he was touching Tae's chest and biceps. No, no, no, no- this is worse.

Remember that wet photoshoot they did? Dude leggit yeeted JM out of the way so he could have a better view of Tae's wet back emerging from the pool with his wet shirt clinging to his chiseled back- if I remember correctly. It's in Taekook sexual tension edits find it.

Plus he also seem to have a fetish for RM's thighs? Chileeee. These boys are weird as fuck. Lmho.

While others may see all these and yell gay, cheater and other slurs born out of nothing but insecurity, I've been around boys enough to know it's typical of men.

We are being exposed to the intimate inner workings of male masculinity and masculine behaviors and interactions in a way most people just aren't privy to in their day to day encounters and that can be a bit confusing for most people.

Truth is men do admire each other's bodies a lot especially aspects of the male body they want to have in order to appear equally masculine and attractive.

Masculinity is the sum of traits that make men feel like a man- having a dick is not enough apparently. No shade to dicks. But men want to look a certain way, speak a certain way and appear a certain way.

JK is a man too, wants to be seen as a manly man as RM has said. So of course he is going to admire other features in other men.

But how are we going to joke about JK packing and bench pressing after Jimin admired another idol with hyperbolic masculine traits and then fail to see how Jin's broad shoulders, RM's thighs or Tae's biceps would be features JK would equally want to have too because those features are deemed attractive in typical masculine men? Something he wants to be seen as?

As a queer person I find men and this whole masculinity business exhausting. But as a girl, I admit we do it too. Big boobs, snatched waist, phat ass while being skinny- can't relate but I want it if it will get people off my back. Naa, just kidding. Y'all fat phobic bunch can kiss my ass.

Seriously though, imagine being told you are a lesbian and attracted to a girl simply because you find another's girl's nails as fab. To men that's what it is.

Women express their femininity through their looks, the hair, makeup, nails, bags, heels etc. Men do the same with their six packs, chiseled jaw, broad shoulders, Gucci belts and others too.

I think it's bizzare to associate a person's expressions of femininity or masculinity with their sexuality. It's really weird.

My point is, as strange as these things JK does may seem, they are also very typical behaviors of the Male species.

And so to me when JK is doing all that I'm not going damn he wants to jump Jin's bones, I'm thinking wow so that's a quality he wants to have too- good for Jin.

That's not to say when JK is clutching his groin region while watching JM dance that he wants to have lean muscles like Jimin too. Lol

Jikook admire eachother. But I find they admire eachother's work ethics, talents and skills rather than their expressions of masculinity. Jimin's masculinity is not exactly something JK admires or want to be nor does JM want to be JK or appear as masculine as JK.

Often if you find them checking eachother out it's because they want to jump eachother's bones. In my opinion. Bless them.

In the their earlier dynamics, before 2016, I find that was the phase they were exploring and experimenting with their sexuality in my opinion and so the lines looked a little blurry- for both of them: Jimin with his dark eyeliner, hypersexualized persona and come hither look. JK with his hyperactive alertness to judgement magnifying his inner inhibitions thus making him appear most times passive to others' sexualization of him *cough cough- if you know you know* which I feel he sometimes lowkey enjoyed and at times partook in or initiated- definition of Stock Holmes. Lmho.

Pre 2016 was wild. BTS back in the day were wild and dangerous- sneaky hormonal teenagers. Bless them. But they have since outgrown that phase and any substantive relationship post their teenage era has been formed and solidified.

Thus any sexual entanglement can and will have serious consequences on the groups dynamics so I honestly don't think they even let their minds wander there to be honest.

That being said, again they are human. But I really don't think or see them as attracted to anyone within the group besides eachother- not emotionally, not physically.

Jimin I believe is JK's ideal man and partner and I don't see anyone similar to him in any way that can be tempting for JK. There's only one Park Jimin.

Jk is equally Jimin's ideal type. I just think he thinks there's more room for improvement there and JK seems bent on doing whatever it takes to be that person for Jimin.

As for Park Jimin, we don sold our souls to an androgynous she devil. Not that I'm in a hurry to free myself. *Wink, wink.

Signed,

GOLDY

[ghoulishhusband]

I just realized I can actually talk here. Like this is my account fuck u

Fucking uhhhhhh, hi ig lemme ramble abt my God ocs yea?

Ignore this part if you don't wanna hear (likely) unedited rambles lol it doesn't matter

CW: neglect/abuse, assholery/narcissism, manipulation, tread lightly!

read the under cut owo

Also don't steal my art I'll fucking?? Fight you????

So

I have three main gods that I wanna talk abt especially bc they've been on my mind lately.. Less get it, side notes are in (parentheses) and are bolded cause I have perception issues whoo I don't want it to jumble together is my point lol

First up is my asshole,

Giodine

they/them (preferred)

god/godself (i like pronouns that fit my characters, so I'm giving a bunch away for one night only at--)

ID : Giodine is colored with gold-ish yellow skin and ginger hair. Their eyes are a muted purple and they have tiny eyebrows. Their lips are a muted brown and are full looking, their nose is sharp and points down. They have wings for ears and is wearing a blazer with a long-sleeved, collared shirt underneath it. The background is beige with a yellow square and a dark purple square partially encompassing it. It is signed GH (for ghoulish husband), Spork, 21.

(lemme know if that helps at all! I'm sure I can do better so lemme know!)

If they look weird here it's bc I accidentally made their face too long but believe it or not this is in fact just a doodle Ik I'm so fuckin talented babes.

Anyways, they're basically the first God to ever exist on my version of earth (though even that is fickle rn, world-building is hard unless I hyper-focus on it, and haha Guess What I Haven't Been Thinking About) and they're very egotistical and selfish. As I'll probably yap about later is how they're manipulative as well, especially to another God I'll mention, and very neglectful to the other... other one.

Their partner(professionally), or fiend as they call him, is sam who for the first few eons was, unsurprisingly, absolutely terrible to him. A few tender moments are few and far in between in what could only be described as a completely rancid relationship. I'll describe giodine's side and in sam's lil ramble, I'll describe his :]

I have to explain this because it's a big part of the lore and how they can't work together, even when one of them is very much near The Void (technical death for gods) BUT basically, with Sam, giodine created purgatory. The issue here is that they basically seduced sam into doing it. Well, even if they hadn't, sam was in lesbians(happy pride month lmao) with giodine and would've done it anyway. But the ISSUE is that with the creation of purgatory came complications. See, my gods have to take time to develop into their power, and considering giodine was first and sam was around 666th.. you see the issue. Sam wasn't into his complete power yet and thus lost a giant part of it that went into purg.

See, giodine saw no problem with this (until much later, they do get a VERY SLOW BURN redemption arc cause this ain't even the worst of it), they got what they were aching for out of them and thusly had no need for..sam. They laid him in the spot where she was made (fwi it isn't inherently sexual, it can be, but literally, they just merged together-- taking bits and pieces of each other (which sam did not have enough of) and earth and light yadda, yadda I'll post the story I wrote for that later if I'm up to it) and left him there in the grass.

Again, they saw no problem with that, the deed was done, they didn't care anymore. A common issue in their qualms, sam and Giodine. They did find an issue in Sam finding an issue in the lack of aftercare, which resorted to any message going to or coming from sam going straight to his assistant and going back through them for a couple of thousand years. They found that infuriating-- how could he not face them over something so small! and for years?! it was ridiculous. After forcing a face-to-face meeting, a heated proclaim of hurt from sam, and a bitter agreement to meet up every now and again, they got what they wanted from him. Again. It was a business after all, there was no point in making it harder than it needed to be. 

Giodine doesn't necessarily like boundaries and tends to overstep sam's frequently. They also don't like his reaction to his boundaries being long jumped over, which thusly ends up in disgruntled messages being sent back and forth between them and his assistant for a month or three. It slowly gets through to them, but they tend to say some stupid shit and if they want sam to stay, they have to try and avoid mentioning how "overly sensitive" he is to something that happened eons ago.

(quick mention, there isn't like. time. here. so in all honesty, giodine probably counted earth days instead of Heaven 'days' to get that) Soon into their arrangements to meet, they seem to get on at least tolerable terms, obviously, a few meetings where neither of them feels like going apeshit and taking proper shapeless (or in sams case, he's got a newfound form for ANGER OO just for giodine 🤗) forms isn't going to fix a grudge that has yet to be apologized for by the way. But it's a start to a very long process down the road. Tolerance.

Giodine as an entity is very fickle and rude and demanding. They tend to have a short temper that no one else is allowed to have or comment on-- They were the first therefore they were the most important!

This is very obviously an issue. But it's mostly directed to purgatory. Almost all of their seething rage is pointed towards the poor entity, she's barely been alive yet and they already seem to hate her for things she doesn't know how to do. Honestly, I don't think Purg will ever fully forgive them for the unnecessary abuse of her character, but just as Sam and Giodine get on better terms, they had barely just begun fixing the hole in their relationship. As of now, Sam/Giodine don't have any minor plot points with purgatory other than the major one so I don't have a lot to say about their relationship right now. Maybe one day.

I'd go into details, seriously, but I just wanna ramble about their relationships with each other and their impact on each other's existence. Hope you don't mind a few secrets 😉

But, now, it's time for a new God, one I think most people take a liking to...

Sam (Samuel)

He/him

ID: Sam is surrounded by clouds in the light blue, fading to a darker blue sky and the yellow sun. His horns are a darker beige, which is being highlighted by the sun shining down on him, he also has pointed ears. His skin is red which is very prominent in the sun. His eyes are completely yellow, his hair, beard and mustache are also black. He has an orange scar crawling up to his Adams apple. His wings are a darker grey which is also being highlighted by the sun. His nails are painted black and his hand is holding up the black fabric barely covering his shoulders. Around the painting is a gold and red shaded frame with swirls complimenting each side and a crystal at the bottom of it. It is lightly signed GH, for ghoulish husband.

Sam, Sam, Samuel.

If you don't realize right away, Sam is basically Satan, he's the ruler of hell

Like how giodine was the first to appear on earth, as mentioned before sam was 666th for funnie reasons. Sam was made from bugs, dried blood, and sunlight which sounds pretty gross, but he's far from it. He's a silly, yet neat, guy. He wears Hawaiian shirts and khakis (not around giodine lmao) for cryin' out loud! how bad of a person can he be? Apparently to giodine (for a while obviously) he was the most retched entity to exist. This very much hurt him considering the amount of fake care they showed him before. With a mixture of confusing feelings (which wasn't supposed to be a thing but Univerce went "lmao you'll be fine" and left... short explanation, Univerce is the Universe and is the entity who simply builds these planets and gods that'll appear there and leave them to their own devices, xyr not extremely important in this story. Nor would they care.) and feeling used, he decided that no he wasn't going to take that.

If there is one thing Sam knows how to do is to self preserve himself, even if that means getting passive-aggressive notes sent to him every once in a while. While this period, Sam was surprisingly the least productive (unfortunately giodine knew this and eventually mentioned it in one of their meetings which made him hide away cause like hell giodine was going to be critical of /him/) but he managed. It wasn't terrible, but unfortunately, Sam being able to talk it out with someone who does practically the same work as he does and gets newer, more helpful ideas was better in the long run.

Unsurprisingly, Sam was the first to initiate the healing of his and giodine's relationship but it wasn't reciprocated. Who would've figured, aye? Giodine kept pushing it back onto him and ignoring any progress that could've been made before. Which was frustrating.

The painting above was 'painted' by giodine, which is sorta where their relationship gets somewhat on an understanding of each other. Giodine gets to take a deep long look into who Sam is and tries to express it but it never fit him, it makes them realize that they never really-- truly got to know him. And all it does for Sam is make him even more confused about his place in giodine’s mind. He figured it's another fluke to get him to do something, so he ends up distancing himself when they start actually reciprocating his friendship advancements.

Suddenly, like a flash, Sam was forced to stay with giodine which is where the majority. I'll explain.

Sam...isn't actually the ruler of hell. Anymore, anyways depending on the timeline. His and purgatory's relationship has always been complicated, she always avoided him, and when they talked she always seemed scared of him. So in the end, they've never been close. Distant. Sam always wanted to talk to her, he made her, but if she didn't want to talk to him he wouldn't force it. But imagine his surprise as Purg singlehandedly took over hell in a hazed frenzy.

And not only that, had a personal vendetta against him!

Well, that would be the only explanation to Sam considering how he ended up broken and barely 'alive' at the hands of her. Horns broken and in tatters, pain and almost obliterated it felt like a hate crime. He didn't know what to do when he made it to the office, Purgatory was creating chaos outside his door and barely being able to breathe he felt like it was the end. So he called giodine. 

Purgatory

She/her

ID: Purgatory is surrounded by flowers that are dark grey and white. The light fades down into a dark green. The light shines down on top of her straight, white hair that has yellow flowers tucked into it.  Her skin is a dark brown and has a orange-ish yellow scar on her shoulder trailing up to her neck. Her skin is also highlighted by the sun. In one of her eyes, her sclera is black with an orangey, glowing iris. As for the other eye it it has a white sclera and the same, glowing orange iris. She has wings for ears, one dark grey and one white along with beige horns. She has a white fabric covering her chest. The frame is gold with white accents, but also has vines and moss crawling up the side. 

(may have goofed a bit and forgot to color the sclera of her other eye white but ignore that pls)

Purgatory was made by Sam and Giodine, but to her it felt like a mistake. Why make someone that you’re going to be terrible to, she believed. Giodine seemed to hate her and eventually made her section almost obsolete because she simply wasn’t able to keep up with the backlog that she wasn’t taught to deal with. Not only that, she didn’t have any help with any of it, it was almost like she was expected to just do it on her own. Until Death came along to help, but that’s not what we’re going to be talking about right now. 

And also, Purgatory is Purgatory yadda, yadda, I wont insult your intelligence.

Giodine’s thought process (other than wanting to be Real Close to Sam and once that thought filtered out, promptly ignored it) was that all the extras that don’t fit in either category of their thought of good and evil they’d go to her. (doesn’t matter cause in Sam's system it filters through ‘levels of assholery’ and depending on how bad you are you either just vibe in the upper city under rule of capitalism and possibly many under paying jobs or being actually tortured for his amusement if you’re just evil. Morally grey. Anyway, it could work p well in heaven if giodine wasn’t such a damn stickler.) But in the end, every day, less and less people ended up in purgatory, leaving her with barely any people and more verbal abuse from giodine who ‘HAS to take them or they would be more dead than they already are’. You see the pain she has to go through, right? 

~Idea section, this is probably not canon anyways so dont take it serious~ 

My thought is that another oc (BA, you may have heard of him idk) takes over simply because Purg took multiple hims from alternative timelines (which isn’t allowed but what’re they gonna do, undead a dead clown? multiple times from multiple timelines???)) because she adored him and they figured ‘well we gotta redo purgatory may as well do it like this’ and make him a demi-dead-god. i think thats a cool idea right? anyhoo

~Idea section over uwu~

Purgatory overall is a fairly timid character, she doesn’t like conflict, is easily overwhelmed, and generally keeps to herself. She doesn’t see the point in being in any drama if she’s just going to be yelled at and scolded even if it’s not about her. The only way i could describe her taking over hell is this: 

She was tired. She was angry and after feeling like nothing was in control or in her hands, she snapped. Why doesn’t she get anything or get to be ‘all powerful’ but they do? She knew if she took on Giodine she’d likely get thrown to the void, but sam? He felt fair game. Considering her fear of both of these gods, she planned and got her courage up to take him over. She had considered negotiations but in the end, she ended up going into a haze and ruining everything in sight. She was more powerful than she thought and once she started, she didn't stop until Death restrained her and Sam was already in pieces at God’s doorstep. 

The aftermath was fuzzy for her and for everyone really. Godine was planning a take back hell while actually worrying for sam, sam was planning for a retirement, and she was being consoled while trying to get in contact with sam to apologize. Giodine wouldn’t dare let her talk to him, until she just showed up in their office. She didn’t have a problem with Sam, honest, she just was going to take shit over, but it got out of control. 

Spoiler, Sam took her apology and they actually became.. somewhat closer after reaching an understanding. 

I wanna say that giodine took them being okay and sam retiring as good as sam did about purg running hell, but they didn’t. Giodine and purgatory actually barely got along in the first place, and only begun ‘working’ on their bitterness toward each other because they both had sam to encourage it. I can’t say for certain if they’ll get better, as theyre both undying and have time, but I’ll just say for now its uncertain. 

Also, Death is Purgatory’s girlfriend after all of that lmao.

And.. yeah, i hope this makes sense and that you like my drawings and ramblings about my lil story in my head, i guess this is my way to develop it without just keeping it to myself cause god forbid i keep things to myself hshsh. If you made it to the end, thank you for taking the time to read and attempting to process everything, and even if you didnt read and just looked to look at my art thank you to!!

I may post some art over on @ghoulishhusbandart cause.. it was my art account before i completely forgot about it but i might reboot it! But if you wan art NEOWWW follow me on insta (ik cringe lmaoo) by the same name as this account @ghoulishhusband​ or just click that insta link! also ignore the fact that giodine is the only one without a portrait, maybe I’ll replace it the next time i draw but im graduating on monday and my dad’s coming TOMORROW?? so i won’t have too much time to do it... but i hope you like my art anyways :]

ok!! ty!! ily!!