#or well in my head jon has a crush on dami since the moment he understands crushes

[arunneronthird]

had a thought today about damian “ swear i will protect u with my life” wayne

[heyitsani]

Pretend You Know This Song

Word Count: 2265

Rating: Teen and Up

Warnings: General Batfam chaos, Reverse Robins (not really a warning but eh)

Pairing: Damian Wayne/Jon Kent and brief hints of one-sided-ish Jason Todd/Dick Grayson

Notes: As I told @mlim8, this comic has been living in my brain rent-free since she posted it and I couldn’t resist.  Go shower it with the most affection you possibly can because it’s adorable and I love it.  And Mel.

This is also kind of just a shit post because I needed to get it out of my head.  So I wrote and edited in less than two hours.  Don’t judge.

You can also read this on AO3 here

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Damian and his father were already seated at the table in the small dining room the family used for regular meals when the others started filtering in.  It had been a particularly rough night on patrol, both Jason and Richard getting a little more roughed up than usual, so it was unsurprising that everyone was slow to wake.  Though, had it been a working day, he was certain his father would have managed to pull himself out of bed long before he actually did.

“Tim, I was unaware you stayed the night,” his father greeted his second eldest son as he entered the room.  Damian was unsurprised by the raised eyebrow and silence from his younger brother was he took the seat just to the left of the eldest of the Wayne kids.  It was as far away as he could get from the man he still struggled to be around.  Not that Damian blamed him.

There was a soft scuffing sound of socked feet being dragged on a Persian rug as Jason entered the room and slumped in the seat next to Tim.  Damian knew that if either of them had been more aware, they would be on opposite sides of the table as well.

“Good Morning, Master Jason,” Alfred greeted as he set a plate in front of the teenager before he set one down in front of Tim as well.  

“Morning, Alfie,” Jason intoned before diving headfirst into the plate of food without greeting any of the others around him.  It was all very mundane and ordinary for each of them.  After years of being a family, however mismatched they were, they had become terribly predictable.

More unsurprising than all of the other entrances to the dining room was Richard’s.  Despite having only been with them for a little over a year and still suffering the loss of his parents, Damian couldn’t help but compare the boy to a literal ray of sunshine.  He had no idea how the thirteen-year-old managed it, but he always managed to seem so cheerful.  Despite the various bandages and bruises that could be seen over what bits of skin were exposed, he still bounded into the room with a bright smile.  

Damian watched him greet each family member over the top of the newspaper he was reading, grudgingly accepting the hug he gave the eldest so freely, before the teen bounced over to his seat by Bruce.  

“Morning everyone,” the boy greeted with a warm smile before turning that smile upward to Alfred as the man set a plate in front of him.  “Thanks, Alfred.”  The older man smiled and patted his head before heading back to the kitchen.  “I have an announcement,” Richard’s voice sounded from his chair, and Damian glanced up to see him smiling that smile with his hands clasped in front of him.

He could see the others at the table look over at Richard and regard him carefully.  Rarely ever did Richard not command the attention of whatever room or crowd he was in.  The acrobatic nature of him wanted the attention.  In a small, family setting it was no different.

“So I’ve decided!  When I grow up, I’m going to marry Jon,” he offered up freely, and Damian felt his eyes roll immediately before dropping them back down to the paper in front of him.  He heard his father let out a chuckle, something only Richard could pull from the head of the household, and he noticed Tim regarding Jason, who was frozen looking at the youngest.  “He’s kind, and smart, and handsome,” he listed but Damian found himself more interested in the growing smirk on Tim’s face as he continued to watch Jason for some reason.

A quick glance at the teen showed he was still frozen watching the youngest.  

“And he can fly!” Richard finished his list off with a bright smile on his face, seemingly proud of the list of reasons he had made in Jon’s favor.  And though Damian couldn’t exactly fault the younger for seeing Jon’s better qualities, he was a little disturbed given the age difference between his best friend and his younger brother.

“WHAT?!”  Jason’s outburst seemed to catch everyone but Tim off guard and Damian made a mental note to ask the other man about that.  “EW!!  NO!!! You can’t marry Jon!  He’s already so old!”  Damian glanced over at Richard as Jason ranted, clenching the paper a little tighter at Jon being deemed “old” when Damian was two years his senior.  He decidedly ignored the smirk Tim sent his way despite seeing it out of the corner of his eye.  Bastard. “If you marry him when you’re older, he’ll be like 1,000!!”  Damian watched Richard’s face turn confused, brows pulling together as Jason spoke.

While Damian didn’t see the harm in Richard’s little crush, he was still young after all, Jason seemed to be completely outraged by the idea.  A glance at the other two adult at the table told him his father was simply exasperated and trying to ignore the situation but Tim looked almost…amused as he typed into his phone.  He really needed to get to the bottom of that.

“Besides, you can’t even date him!”  Damian grabbed his tea as Jason continued and tried to go back to reading the paper.  “He’s gonna marry Dami!”  The words caught him off guard enough to cause him to spit out the tea he had just taken a sip of.  

“Wh-what?!?”

“W-we are not, Todd!” Damian found himself exclaiming, eyes wide as he took in the determined look on Jason’s face and the tears welling in Richard’s eyes.  Damn it all to hell, he grumbled mentally.  The last thing he wanted was a crying Richard.  

“Liar!”  Jason turned an accusing finger on Damian.  “I saw you smile at him during patrol!”  Damian sat there for a moment, stunned, before he noticed a movement out of the corner of his eye and looked over at Tim.  

“Drake!  Are you recoding?!”

That damn smirk slid back onto his face.  “No.”  

The sigh his father heaved from his end of the table was loud enough to draw Damian’s wide eyes.  He could see Richard with his face buried in his hands and buried in his father’s chest.  “You boys are lovely this morning,” the man said flatly, an arm wrapped around Richard’s shoulders.

“Father…!”  Damian gestured over to the other two, one who still hadn’t put down his phone and the other who was no glaring at the food in front of him. But his father simply raised an eyebrow and started to rub circles on Richard’s back.

“That is certainly enough of this conversation,” Alfred stepped into the room and immediately took Tim’s phone out of his hand.  Despite the protests from Tim, Damian knew Alfred would most likely delete the video.  “Can you boys please finish up your meal without another incident?  Master Richard, you have yet to touch your food.”  His tone went from hard to soft as he reached the youngest who was still clinging to his adoptive father.  “Why don’t we put this behind us for the time being and enjoy the rest of our meal?” There was a muffled sniffle before Damian saw Richard’s head nod and him slowly sit up.  But he kept his eyes downcast as he moved back to his chair and refused to look at anyone as he started to slowly eat.

Damian found himself clenching his fist to keep from getting up to comfort the boy.  He knew that after the year of practically being his father, he would always struggle not to be the one the teen turned to when he was upset.  But this time, it was Damian he was upset with.  So he pushed the instinct down and stood from his seat.

“Titus come,” he called for the dog who had been laying at his feet the entire debacle as he stepped away from the table.  “It is time for your walk.”  He didn’t bother to look at anyone other than Richard as he left the room, but not even a glance was sent his way.  It bothered him more than he wanted to admit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The evenings patrol had been quiet, and Damian found himself thankful for that given his mind kept going back to what had transpired at breakfast earlier in the day.  He could tell Richard was still upset about the events, but Damian had no idea how to make the situation better.  He didn’t want to encourage Richard’s crush given that yeah…maybe him and Jon were something to one another.  But he also didn’t want to stop him from behaving as a young teenager should.  The only thing he could think of to do was request that Robin join Nightwing on patrol instead of Batman.

And though the teen was a vigilant as ever, Damian knew him well enough to notice that he was always just on the edge of saying something.  It wasn’t until they took a moment to just observe the city below them that he seemed to have gained the courage.

“D…” he started, and Damian bit his tongue at the reprimand that wanted to surface at the nickname.  “I’m sorry I said I was gonna marry Jon,” the teen said quietly, latching onto Damian’s wrist.  The apology was definitely not what the elder had expected.  “I didn’t know you were dating.”  And though the almost heartbroken sound of Richard’s voice made his chest ache, Damian wasn’t sure what to say.

“N-No names in the field, Robin,” he chastised him carefully.  What was he supposed to say to Richard?  He didn’t want to lie but he also didn’t want to explain something he wasn’t even quite sure of himself.  The fact that Jason had picked up on it was enough to show that perhaps Damian wasn’t keeping his feelings as under wraps as he thought.  “Let’s head back.  I do not think there is any reason for us to remain out tonight.  We can have some hot chocolate before bed,” he offered as an acceptance of the apology.

And when Richard’s smile went from sad to it’s usual brilliance, Damian knew he had made the right call.  What the consequences of his lack of denial would be, he’d have to deal with them later.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had been a few days since the incident that shall not be named took place and Damian found himself letting Jon into his Bludhaven apartment after having just handed Richard over to Alfred to take home after he had stayed over for the weekend.  He hadn’t been expecting his best friend, but he didn’t find it an unpleasant surprise so he didn’t complain.

“Dick already gone?” Jon questioned, glancing around to see the chaos the teen had left behind but not the teen himself.  Damian only hummed with a nod as he picked up various items the teen had upended or left behind.  He made a pile of things to wash and things to return the next time he was in Gotham, which likely would be in the next day or so.  “So….”

Damian looked at Jon over his shoulder and raised an eyebrow, noticing he was rubbing the back of his neck.  The bashful act immediately put Damian on edge.  “What?”

“Why did Dick tell me that he approves of our relationship?”  Damian froze in mid reach for an item and instead stood up, arms crossed over his chest. He knew he looked as annoyed as he felt. Damnit Richard.  “Are we in a relationship?”  

Damian huffed a breath. “Ignore him.  It was Jason who put the thought in his head the other morning,” he waved a hand at the other man and went back to picking up the items strewn about his apartment.  

“But now I’m very curious as to what exactly happened,” Jon teased, and Damian sent him an annoyed look before entering his room and depositing the laundry into his dirty clothes hamper. He knew that Jon would follow him, but he still rolled his eyes when he turned and found the taller man leaning on the frame of the doorway.  “And maybe I don’t want to ignore what Dick said.”  That caused Damian freeze for the second time in a matter of minutes.

“What exactly are you implying here, Kent?”  He let the laundry basket drop the few inches he had picked it up back to the floor, turning to find the man standing just behind him.  “Jon?”

Jon’s blue eyes traced over Damian’s face and the older man found himself holding his breath as the man searched for whatever it was he was hoping to find.  “Maybe I’ve just been waiting for some kind of hint and Dick finally gave it to me…”  Whatever Jon had been looking for he must have found because his warm hands rose to cup Damian’s face as Jon stepped a bit closer.  

“A hint toward what?” Damian whispered, focusing all his strength at resisting the urge to look down to Jon’s lips that were moving closer with each passing moment.

“That this would be a welcomed gesture,” the man muttered, leaning forward and effectively closing the space between their mouths.  And though shock reverberated through his body, Damian allowed his eyes to slip shut so he could enjoy the moment for however long Jon allowed it to take place. If he was going to offer this side of him so freely to Damian, who was Damian to deny him something he himself had been yearning for for years?

[adhdslugcrimes]

1. Hi are sou still doing prompt requests? If so can you do a jondami one please? Over the years as Dami observes Jon and their friendship being more distant as time goes by watching the love of his life be a player by being with a girl after girl and guy after guy and never with him. Into adulthood Jon has his own life and new friends being busy as the New superman and the new justice league team while Damian chose to have a normal life is tired of Jon not realizing his feelings he has for him

So besides the smut part because I just didn't know where to put it, I did this instead! I will be doing a Birdflash one next,,,

Damian had been observing his friendship had become distant during their senior year of high school, Jon had become a player getting girls after girls and guy after guy for years! It hurt more when you add his stupid crush and watching him chose everyone but… him.

Was he ugly? Was he not good enough? What was it!?

Damian let slide during high school, but then into adulthood, it got worse. New friends, new people, the new job kept Jon so busy in his civilian life, his superhero life kept him so busy the half-Kryptonian didn’t notice his best friend just wasn’t there anymore. Not even taking the bat mantel, that title belongs to Drake now.

Damian wanted a normal life, no assassin stuff, no hero stuff, no rich kid stuff.

He became a vet at a big zoo outside of Gotham, only talking to Billy, Don, Colin, and the lovely Dawn - maybe Jon if he remembers his existence-, but he still had a hole in his heart that Jon could fill so he started some guy he met at a coffee shop a week ago.

Yeah well he might stop being a Bat, he’s still a Bat and this means his luck sucks worse than being bitten by a venomous snake without a cure to save you.

He went on this date after having a monthly text from Jon, his date turn out to be a killer that kidnap the young man by surprise (He was rusty), and this day Jon decide he wanted to be back in his damn life again and saved him; which he had under control, by the way, he was getting out of the chains as planned but no, an idiot had to save him and take him to a tall building because he “cares”. Damian’s body language was something that made the other very nervous, with a visible gulp the other spoke first.

“Hey, Dami-” he was interrupted by the (still!?) short male, hip cocked up he done goofed. “Save it Kent, I don’t want to hear it then I sure as hell don’t want to hear it now.” Damian had more venom than a cobra, it made the other wince before looking down at the ground, “Honestly you barely text me as is, and now you think you can save me and I’d forgive you on the spot?” Damian started pacing back and forth now, unable to stop spilling his heart.

“I saw it when we started our senior year of high school, you couldn’t keep it out of your pants long enough to see I needed you! I needed you when I lost Richard, I needed you when my father disappeared, but no you left me!” He was visibly shaking, tears starting to well up in his emerald orbs as he continued. “College was a nightmare! You left me for good for new cooler friends and the new partner of the week, I tried to reach out but instead, you ghosted me, pulled me along with hopes you’d see my feelings… But it’s gone, dead, left to the side to rot as you did to me.” he finished, looking at Superman seeing him in silence that rang through them for far too long, “Forget about it, I knew it was stupid, to begin with… Bye Jon.” he turned around to go to the rooftop stairs, but he was stopped by Jon grabbing his arm forcing him to turn back to the other once more and prepared to tell him off too, but… his face had a hurt look on he wasn’t expecting him too actually be hurt… too care.

“Please, let me explain myself!” He pleaded, so then Damian ripped his arm out of his hold -wiped away his tears- and crossed his arms giving him the go to continue.

Jon was so grateful Damian was giving him a chance he knew he didn’t deserve, he cleared his throat and looked him in the eye before starting, “I know I was the biggest jerk for what I did, I didn’t know how important you are to me until I lost you and didn’t know how to get you back… I had been debating on this for three months, but you are as stubborn in my head as you are in the real world keeping me up all night.” He grabbed Damian’s hands and held them, surprised the other didn’t jerk his hands out again, “Then it got even worse when I started to date my mind saw, nobody would ever be you and as I couldn’t take it anymore… I love you’d since we met back then but I am the biggest dumbass for treating you like I did and I- '' interrupted once more this time by the short (Like really? no height for him?) the man smashed his lips on his own in a rush, awkward kiss that just felt right.

For what felt like a lifetime lost in the moment that was well overdue, they pulled away letting the human catch his breath and he heard him mumbling under his breath, “what was that?” Jon asked and got a smile he hasn’t seen in a while, “You talk too much idiot.” Then he kissed him once more.

They went to the short (The universe hates him as much as his brothers at this point) male home, they decide to take their time and find themselves and fix what was broken.

three years later they got married.

[heartless-error]

Broken, not perfect, but together. - Chapter 3

Fandom: DC comics, Batman

Pairings: Jonathan Kent x Damian Wayne (JonDami) & Jason Todd x Timothy Drake (JayTim)

Rating: General, family feels, hurt/comfort, mental health issues, running away

Other(s) links: AO3

Broken.

The Batfamily was broken.

It was six years ago, and they had barely stood together since then, trying to stand up despite guilt and regret.

Damian was sure there was nothing to save, not after losing something that he didn’t know he cared about. But when a new opportunity to get back what they had lost appeared, he cannot help to doubt as his past decisions haunt him again.

If you love somebody, set them free. But you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.

Chapter 3

 Now

 A jolt woke him up.

 A jolt followed by a hard squeeze on his hip and an intelligible whisper beside him.

 It’s not as if Damian had expected to sleep well tonight, he even didn’t expect to sleep at all. When they arrived at the apartment, he was ready to spend all night staring at the ceiling quiet and trying not to think too much. However, he underestimated how tired he was and how much his wounded body needed to rest, so he was fallen asleep before realizing it.

But even if he didn’t want much rest, waking up agitated and listening sobs behind him wasn’t a good way to start the day.

 “Jonathan.” He said fully awake and shaking from his grasp. “Nightmare.”

 The super was still holding him tightly, carelessly and causing Damian grumbled for the treatment to his injuries, while the other was breathing restless and mumbling apologies in dreams.

 “Nightmare.” He repeated aloud. “It’s a nightmare. Wake up.”

 It’s neither the first nor the last time any of them have an unpleasant dream and awakes the other. Indeed, it would be very sad to admit it willingly but is also part of their lives and work so far, nightmares come hand in hand with superheroes’ duty and they had worse episodes than this in the past, like everyone else, right? That’s why Damian didn’t want to sleep, he knew something like this would happen again.

 He didn’t get rid of his embrace but could barely turned around to shake his shoulder and wake him up as the other seemed to hesitate in his dreams, not cheerful at all.

 “Jon!”

 Panting hard and trembling, Jon finally opened his eyes, yet some sleepy and groggy, shrugging himself and looking around nervously as he woke up completely.

 “Dami?” He asked in a whisper and still clinging around him tightly, as if he couldn’t believe he was talking to him.

 “You were dreaming.” He explained hastily still squirming in his grip.

 Jonathan fell silent a few seconds, tears about to fall, frowning, sweating and taking his breath back. He calmed down a bit and was apparently back in the real world, assimilating it was a nightmare, but  didn’t make him feel better seemingly.

With a miserable expression on his face, he realized how strong he was clinging to Damian and how he was trying to free himself, letting him go immediately and away from him as if he were on fire.

 “I’m sorry.” Jon said quickly as he sat on the mattress, rubbing his eyes tightly. “I’m sorry, you okay? It was not my intention, sorry.”

 Damian shook his head, looking at him from his position without moving. It wasn’t nothing important, Jon just squeezed him a little like a plushie and was a bit annoying, maybe his bruises were worst, but were minor wounds first so he didn’t care at all.

But he knew Jon cares, and looking at him away, shuddering and breathing deeply to relax, gave him enough proofs to know whatever he had dreamed about had shook him to the point to sobbing in his sleep, and add to that an apparent guilt for unintentionally hurting him didn’t help at all.

 Sometimes nightmares shake Jon like that, leaves him emotional, overloaded and saturated with everything, and Damian hadn’t come to establish a way to help him cope with it yet. Because there were other variables to consider, such as the mood, date, time or the type of nightmare, and none of them appeared to be favorable now.

 But if Damian knows something, is that he hates to see Jon cry. He hated it since he was 13 and still do strongly. Jon crying gives him a rare, visceral and unpleasant sensation on his chest that seems to pull it from inside, willing to rip him. He couldn’t stand it.

When they were kids, he thought it was because he despised how someone powerful and strong as Superboy, with such potential, could show much weakness and so openly. Then, he realized it was precisely the opposite, that what he really hated was how he felt when Jon seemed to trust him so easily to be vulnerable around him. That left him scared, hesitant and unsure just by having a friend, a real friend, who didn’t think he was going to stab him at any moment -something that neither him was sure in those times-. But sometimes he was also jealous, because Jon felt safe and confident enough to express himself and being weak in front of anyone, and Damian… never had that before, until then, he only had the strong statement that he would be killed and replaced if he showed any weakness or proof of not being a worthy heir.

 “Habibi.” He called his attention, waiting his hesitant look to lie sideways on the bed and extend his right arm on the pillow, in a clear invitation.

 Jon seriously seemed to doubt it, quiet and evaluating the situation, as if he would hurt him only by lying there together. Damian snorted at him angrily, scolding him with his eyes until Jon realized how stupid he was and gave up, lying back and resting his head on his arm as he embraced him completely and buried his face in his neck.

 Even if he still didn’t know exactly how to help Jon when he had nightmares, he knew that physical contact helps when it happens. And even though Kent was the most tactile and affectionally open in their relationship, at least Damian now was more used to receive affection and answer to it. Actually, it’s one of the few things that Grayson did right for once.

 He felt how the tension in his mate’s body disappeared as they spent more time in that position, quiet and enjoying other’s touch, trying not to break the momentarily peace. After a while Jon no longer looked like he was going to cry imminently and relaxed as he caressed his free hand down his back, slowly drawing patterns. But, of course, Damian knew the exact moment he would speak to say something stupid when he felt him getting some air.

 “Don’t apologize again.” He cut him off quickly. “You didn’t hurt me, so drop it.”

 He would not let him think about it too much, because he knew how easy it was to do that after waking up sobbing.

 “You know it’s not only for that.” Said Jon seriously and outrage in his tone.

 Damian froze, his hand still on his back and his arm starting to get numb cause of the weight on it. He tried to pull away to look at Jon, but he sank more into his neck, hiding from scrutiny, as if he feared his reaction.

He should have known, the apologies now made sense.

 He sighed, not really knowing what to say or what to do.

 “Then, do you think I should also apologize?” He asked, doubtful.

 That’s what made Jon move and look at him with alarm in his eyes, surprised and with a questioning expression. It’s not as if Damian hadn’t improved in giving encouragement or comfort to people in general, but this was a special case, and both knew they needed a different approach to be reasonable.

 “No.” Jon said angrily, like what he was saying was crazy.

 “And why you did? What’s the difference?”

 Jon stayed quiet, his lips in a fine line and blinking, in conflict. His reasoning had fallen completely, and he was obviously trying to save it, but it was useless.

It’s so simple, if Jon didn’t think that Damian had to apologize, then Jon didn’t have to. Easy.

 “B-Because I-” He started to stammer, willing to discuss.

 “No.” He cut him off.

 “But I-”

 “No.” He cut him off again, tilting his weight over him gradually.

 “But it’s my fault that-”

 “No.” He repeated freeing his arms and laying above him completely, crushing him with his weight.

 “I gave them-”

 “Stop.” He ordered covering his mouth with one hand.

 “Mnph!”

 “I said stop.”

 “…”

 “You know, I don’t care if you lick and drool on my hand, you’ve licked me other things.”

 The answer to that was a strong bite. He complained, putting his hand away in disgust, then looked at him raising an eyebrow as Jon just glared back with a defiant stance despite the embarrassed blush on his face. Then, Damian looked at his drooled hand and decided to clean it in the best place: Jon’s face.

 “Argh! Gross!” Jon shriek squirming beneath him as he rubbed his hand where he could reach. It was known that Jon could lift him and ran away without effort, but no longer worth it, Damian was too fast and saliva has returned to its birthplace.

 “You started it.” He declared at the end and looking at him seriously, as if it were a serious matter instead of… Drool. “And that’s you get for thinking too much.”

 The last statement made Jon sigh and give him that resigned expression that seemed to say, “I did it, right?”, to which he nodded.

As he thought at the beginning, it was easy to sink into the negative thoughts once you have awakened from a nightmare induced by guilt. He would also done that if Jon hadn’t appeared back in the cave, right in time to distract him.

 And it’s not as if they could say directly to each other that was not their fault and that’s it. It was, they know, and this isn’t work that way. They couldn’t get up one morning and be free of any impact or repercussion of what they had caused indirectly around them with their decisions, because they were very aware of them every day.

 But they also knew not all was their fault. There was more than one player in the game, and they were not the main ones.

It’s easy to think otherwise in the worst moments while you hear the accusations of your head, but once you stop to think about it and there’s someone to lift you up hitting with a pillow or drooling in your hand, you keep going and realize it doesn’t have to be like that, you shouldn’t have to apologize for everything.

 Sitting up, Jon lifted his arms around his neck to make him lean and kiss him firmly, what he didn’t hesitate to correspond. He knew it was his way to say thanks for calm him; So, when they separated, he just smiled with a shrug. Damian knew Jon would have done the same for him, he would say that, but the affection in Jon’s look was replaced by fun, and he couldn’t react in time to escape.

 “No! Argh!” He cried as Jon hold him and began to lick his face as revenge. “You’re disgusting! Stop!”

 Jon just laughed out loud as he kept doing it while Damian tried his best to get away. He swears that his boyfriend sometimes is like a dog, it’s like having Titus with him again. And he’s not laughing too, no, not at all.

 And in that room, lighted by the early morning sun, while laughs and tenders’ complaints were heard, both knew that no matter what they or anyone else thought. No one could really apologize and take the full blame for what happened six years ago, not matter what role they played, it’s not going to change anything and nobody needs it, not that.

 After all, Tim and Jason ran away willingly.

 ~ 0.0 ~

 That fact remained and was repeated in Damian’s mind as he lit the coffee pot and leaned on the kitchen counter, waiting.

 It was half past nine, he still had his hair wet because of the shower minutes ago, his body protested less than yesterday, Jon was taking a shower too, he needed a coffee, to make breakfast and instead he was looking at the calendar absently as he remember.

 He just does that, remember. Not wanting to think too much, because he had a lot of that lately.

 It had been six years since the day Damian came back to the manor and went down to the cave to find Red Robin and Red Hood’s uniforms bent at the Batcomputer counter with a paper note and didn’t know how to feel.

 Today he still doesn’t know how to feel, being honest.

 “Goodbye.” The note said.

 Just that. Nothing more. Nothing on the back, or written in invisible ink, no codes, no signs anywhere. Nothing. Only a paper with “Goodbye” written on it and over their suits.

 And as he sat in the chair in front of the keyboard and watched the scene in silence, Dick and Bruce’s could be heard arguing in the background, angrily and their screams resounded in the cave strongly; Cass wasn't even there, but she would stare at everything in silence if she was, Stephanie was probably crying on a corner somewhere, and Alfred nowhere to be found.

The argument between the other two confirmed that nobody had more news than that, all safes houses were empty, no image/video/audio useful for Oracle and even Kon or Clark couldn’t hear them, indeed, any available meta couldn’t.

 They said goodbye and ran away. Just like that.

 And sitting there, staring at the fucking paper they left and reading it non-stop, Damian realized it was true, they were gone. His mind seemed to fit in suddenly that it was true and definitive, they were gone for real, and that hit him with so much force that he felt a part of him broke and fall, causing him started to panic just like his family around him trying to find them.

 But they didn’t.

 There was nothing, nothing, not a minimal detail to hold onto. They had made sure to cover their tracks very well, even the smallest detail, there was not a single clue and, what did they expect to find anyway? Todd was hiding for everyone during years before making his debut as Red Hood and Drake was one of the most valuable assets within technology and intelligence, both had money, contacts, skills, and the most important: reasons to leave.

 Drake and Todd’s relationship with the family was very unstable at those times, even dangerous. So, when father found the costumes and the note, he activated all alarms because there was no way it was a joke.

 Useless, obviously, they would be already far away by then. And six years later they have still not been found and making Damian look absently at a calendar with pictures of bunnies in it while thinking he didn’t want to buy it but he had to because “we had the puppies one last year Dami, now it’s my turn to choose.”

 That and, it would be better if they were dead?

 A part of him feels horrible, filthy, despicable only by thinking that. But another, one that sounds like his 10 years old self, says, “it would be?” He couldn’t help but ask.

Because death was one thing that all the family already knew, with which they were already familiar and whose pain had experienced and overcome with time. Something they had witnessed and suffer so often that much to destroy them at the moment, at least they know how to get up and keep moving.

 But a disappearance? Voluntarily?

 That was something else.

 At least death mean that they wouldn’t be there never again -supposedly-, that they were gone forever and that’s it, there was nothing else. They didn’t have to look for clues or ask metas if they can find them. And if they had died, they would fight until their last breath, clinging to life without wanting to leave, he knows.

But leaving a note and running away together is the opposite, it’s worst. At least if it had been a disappearance against his will they would be equally worried, but would have found them eventually, they would have done so. And surely, they would have known they wanted to be home.

 But it wasn’t and that’s the problem.

 What kind of person he was that sometimes he might wish that his brothers were killed or kidnapped instead of being abandoning him?

 Not a very good one, for sure.

 But he can’t help it because the situation changes so much. Being dead they couldn’t do nothing or going anywhere, but running away and without backup they could meet so many unpleasant and dangerous possibilities; And the fact that they had planned to do everything on their own meant so much things too, and some of them were so, so painful.

As they sought clues and the years passed in blank, they couldn’t help but wonder more and insistently what they’re doing, where they are, or most important, if they are alive.

 And if they are, are they happy?

 That’s the only thing that makes a little bearable the idea they’re gone. Because if they are, whether they are happy wherever they live, whatever they do, then Damian could make peace with them, with himself and with the fact that they defected and abandoned everything and everyone for that purpose.

If they are, he may believe it worth it, even if in the process they have made it seem as if their lives here, their family, their friends and their identities didn’t matter enough to run away without hesitation.

 As if he didn’t matter enough.

 The coffee finished behind him and he sighed, giving one last look at the calendar when he turned around to reach a cup and serve.

 “You want some?” He asked at the other person in the room.

 “No, thanks. I’m fine.” Kon said from the kitchen door, looking at him.

 He knew he was there for quite a while, watching him. Moreover, he knew he was already awake when he had entered the kitchen, but he chose to ignore him completely.

 Damian leaned back on the counter again, this time with a hot cup of coffee in his hands and looked at his guest. Kon hadn’t change much over the years, he was now an adult, but right now was disheveled, sleepy and his clothes rumpled by sleep on his couch, so he didn’t impose respect.

 To be fair, he never imposed him any respect, but now their relationship was more cordial and pacific than before, he’s dating his little brother after all.

 “Did you have fun in Zodome?” Conner said with irony and repressing a grin.

 And, even so, he still was an annoying jerk.

 “Yeah, how about you in the farm?” He asked back.

 Conner’s expression soured a little, but enough to consider it a victory.

 “Cool.” He lied. “I’m glad to see you can finally reach the cups.”

 “I’m glad to see you sleep well. How many times did you fall to the ground tonight?” Damian asked, taking a sip of his coffee.

 This time Conner just laughed, shook his head and then gave him that look of fondness/nostalgia that he wasn’t want to locate, because that’s the one he used to give him since he tried to be intimidating during the shovel talk (which didn’t work at all)  when he did things official with Jonathan and they started to get better.

However, that look soon turned into a serious one, matching with a tic in his leg and a cautious posture. It seemed that Kon wanted to say something, something important, and didn’t know how or where to start, so he was there trying to establish a plan of action that will surely lead them to an uncomfortable conversation or an argument. And supers really don’t know how to act when they want something, right? Damian just hoped to drink his coffee quietly while Kon learns how to be subtle for once in his life.

 “Your brother is taking a shower right now.” He told him after another sip of coffee. “I’m making breakfast, do you want anything?”

 “I want a lot of things.” He answered thoughtfully. “But right now, I want to know why my little brother seems to suffer and blame himself more than me every year. And he’s not the only one.”

 Subtlety.

 Something that Conner Kent doesn’t have at all.

 Damian took a few seconds to recover himself from the verbal punch that the other had thrown at him so sincerely and frankly, analyzing what he said and then carefully placing a mask of complete indifference on him. He just pretended to be interested in keep drinking his coffee as if he didn’t hear anything.

His first instinct might have been to attack, saying he didn’t know what he was talking about or better to ask Jon when he got out of the shower, but it wasn’t the wisest choice and he knew it. Not when Kon-El was serious and focused, a lot, judging by the sententious look he had.

 “What are you two hiding, Damian?” The he asked, and despite the heavy silence that had settled between them, he approached slowly to him until he was right in front, looking into his eyes and firm as ever. “Because I know you are hiding something, and it’s related to all of this.”

 His blood was frozen, the coffee was stiff in his hands and he was using all his effort and strength to keep up the apathetic façade and his heart to a normal rhythm.

 “I wanted to ask Jon back in Kansas, but I had no chance.” Kon explained, looking at him harshly. “Six years is a long time, and you have to understand I can’t wait anymore.”

 The stern gaze wavered for a moment as saying the last, making Damian glimpsed the pain and grief shining in the eyes that now kept him on the place and made him try to appear calm.

It wasn’t easy for Damian to be aware that he was not the only person that Tim and Jason chose to leave behind, and this situation didn’t help.

 “I wasn’t the detective of my team.” Kon said then, his miserable expression making his way ever faster. “But I know when Jon lie. And I know this is how you react when you want to hide something, because Tim told me.”

 His world was punched again, causing the façade to crack a little. This is not okay, no, no, this is not okay at all. He didn’t expect a confrontation, not now, not here, not this way.

He pressed the cup between his hands without looking away, valuing his options, not letting his emotions cloud his judgment.

 “Damian.” Kon called him reproachfully, yet gently, like a parent scolding a child even though they were almost the same height, like another big brother. “What did you do? What are you afraid of?”

 These questions almost made him drop the coffee. Because the answers were so many, so many and shaking his mind, appearing, turning and repeating loudly within him. Reminding him his conflicts and starting to think too much, again.

And Kon, Tim’s best friend, Jon’s brother, looked at him so dejected yet so hopeful of being able to know something that the ability to tell the truth no matter what he know or suspect, or anything in respect, died there.

 He was going to attack, attack and retreat. Being sure not to see him again, or not to go near him until he was sure what are his suspicions exactly and how far did he go.

But a sound between them interrupted and dispelled the growing tension in a moment, making them to look at the source of the sound with surprise. Conner’s pocket, his phone.

 Damian could relax a minimum when Kon finally turned his attention away from him and gave him some space to answer the call, some unexpected judging by the uneasy expression of him.

He was drinking his coffee again and clearing his mind to appear normal and leave the situation when Kon answered, stood still, blinked and then handed him the phone.

 “Is for you.” He said.

 Damian frowned and looked at the phone, undecided. He had left his in the bag he had brought from the manor and was off because he knew would get a lot of calls from Grayson playing to be a good brother -what a liar-.

But he thought that if they had come to investigate who might be with him, then call Kon-El and make him pass the phone to him, it’s because it had to be important. So, he left the coffee aside and answered.

 “Come back to the manor. Now.” Barbara’s voice said. No Oracle, Barbara. “We’ve found something.”