#otoh damn i look good

[vegaseatsass]

I always thought aging baggage was about like, societally induced bullshit about what our bodies should do and look like that mostly couldn't touch me because 1. I find the "look like" side of things sexy and have been anticipating The Changes with great eagerness since I was a teen 2. unpacking attitudes around disability and what my body can do is another thing I've been doing on and off since I was a teen (even if More is not such an eager process) what I didn't account for is the phenomenon of time??? moving faster and faster??? every year??? How terrifying it feels? To just not understand where 365 days went. For decades to disappear in a blur... it legitimately unsettles me!!

I have a bday coming up and I'm really trying to hold onto these contradictions. Half "Yesssss I'm heading into my sexiest years" half "but my 2018 birthday just happened. wtf"

[221b-locked]

Long-time lurker, first time talking on the feed

I've heard the big news about the Murderbot TV Series too, and I'm in two minds about the damn thing.

On one hand, I think this isn't the moment to panic or forget everything fandom and community - especially LGBTQ+ community - holds as good practice. We can't 100% know the gender identity/sexuality of any person unless they explicitly state it. This includes cast and crew, yes, no matter how damn unlikely. It's not our job to pry or force someone to come out. (Someone's gotta be better than the tabloids, looks like that's gonna be us. Again.) OTOH it's fair to go with the info we have and make reasonable assumptions: Yeah, that's a damn uninspired choice, and I'm mad about it. Such a missed chance to cast a NB actor! We've got a lot of reasons to be disappointed and skeptical about the whole show. Do I want it to fail? Honestly, I don't know. But I know this:

No adaptation, however misguided, can take the original from us. I know that's hard to cling to when the fear of a bad TV show getting more attention and skwereing the views of new fans is quite real. Nevertheless, that's our biggest advantage, because we, as fandom are SO VERY GOOD at amplifying the good things, to go into detail about the scenes we love, the moments that resonate, all that rings true.

Whatever that show does right, we can use it to fan someone's interest into a desire to dive deeper, to discover the books and (re-)experience the story in all its nuances and diversity!

And every single time the showrunners fuck up, we can and should step up, not for their sake, but for the potential fans missing out on so much that matters. I hope we will not go off on people whose first impression is mistaken, or limited, whether due to the TV series or other issues. (Everything that's self-evident, important and irrefutable to anyone now was new information once, sitting awkwardly in a worldview that had just been rocked.) I hope we'll be like Three and help them. ...Who am I kidding, we'll probably pull an ART and drown them in data. Just, let's be as welcoming as we always have been!

I don't think I'm going to watch the TV series, for a variety of reasons, but I want to be right here for those who do. Especially for anyone who watches it without having heard about TMBD before and goes "Cool, but what's the big deal?" My friend, you ain't seen nothing yet!

[cbsghostsmetasandtrevor]

CBS Ghosts - Viking Funeral - Ghosts Are Annoying Part 2

Warning - Spoilers May Appear.

GO SAM! Stand up for yourself! You should do this - often. The ghosts need to remember that you have a life and you're doing them a favor and they need to respect you.

One thing that I really wish thought was that this STUCK. Sometimes she says "no", but honestly, most of the time she just bends to their requests even when it makes her look stupid. She deserves better.

ANYWAY - I love these offended looks.

Pete and Trevor both stand up and look like they can't believe that she won't help them. They're actually mirroring each other in a way and I really love it.

Alberta's offended reaction is hilarious. I love it.

OKAY OKAY - this is a GOOD idea. Sam gets her needed space and they still get to be heard. It would be a fantastic idea.

It's too bad this doesn't appear to stick.

ANYWAY.

I'm laughing at Trevor's gesture at Sam - he's like "what - what is this?" OTOH, given his penchant for hot and bossy, & the smile as he gestures, I think he actually admires Sam's gumption to make this rule. She knows she's in charge and she's laying down the law and he admires that.

LMAO - MARK.

I love Mark - there's no way he doesn't suspect something after this episode. I love the look on his face and the fact that Sass doesn't interrupt her to be like "HEY MARK IN THE ROOM."

I love that Sam is like "HELLO - Obvious - have an election!"

Sam is already done with these ghosts. LOL.

It's hilarious that none of them considered this before. Surely, Peacemaker Pete could have come up with this.

LMAO - Sam's caught look.

With the gestures she's doing and the way she's looking, it does seem like it would make more sense for the person to be in the room with her.

Mark so suspects something.

This is actually a pretty good cover. He can't see her thing since she's got long hair, and he can't see who she's talking to - so it would make sense to be on the phone.

I do love the confused looks on Pete and Trevor's faces. Like they're both looking at her like 'what is she talking about' and even try to look at her ear as if something is going to appear and make sense of this.

It's kind of cute.

I'm not sure Mark buys it. This look on his face suggests that he doesn't.

I like that Sass is also moving his eyes in a curious way. Like he doesn't know how to handle this.

Okay. This is great.

Alberta's like "I don't get it" - Mark's like "Gotta show you something" and Sam is like "Damn it, I'm not getting any work done."

Like she's so annoyed by the ghosts, especially since Sass is like "Not good news' and Pete's like "Hey - you were wrong"

This is important because Pete was the only one not seen much during the fight and as I mentioned, knowing about his marriage and how he always laid down and took things, I feel like he logically sided with Jay, but also felt for him when he was lied to about the ghosts siding with Sam over Jay. Thus, he sticks it in "Hey - you were probably wrong" just because he can.

Sam's going to be thinking about that for a bit.

LMAO - Sam is so annoyed with Pete. "Damn it, do you have to rub it in my face?"

And Mark is just like ... uh, I'm Mark.

Oh, Mark, we need him to know, man! God I love Mark.

Since she already "turned off" the bluetooth before, this is suspicious, but Mark lets it go.

I do love that Pete gives a little wave and Trevor's like "Alright then. No answers for us."

Still, Poor Sam. Things have gotten better, but at the same time, she's horribly outnumbered.

Still want Mark to find out.

Thanks for reading :)

Feel free to chat!

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

If you're still doing character dynamic asks: 6, 10, and 13 for Calaba and Palina?

(character dynamics ask game) OUGH... these two... really really really good pair. fuck. admittely not one that has gotten a lot of screentime for me but the potential here is INSANE

6. what does A think B thinks of them? or, if asked to describe their relationship, how would they do it? are they right?

HMMM. well i think to start out with the easier one, palina probably assumes calaba thinks of her the same way the rest of the clan does: as a failure who's mostly still in her position out of a combination of nepotism and pity. calaba, as the oldest warden by a HUGE margin, is i think also the most conservative in terms of clan matters. if any of the wardens were going to get on palina's case about training growlithe, it would probably be either her or maybe gaeric. palina was also prrrobably one of the ones to first bridge the idea of trying to get the leaders to form a truce? which. i'm not really sure how calaba felt abt that, tbh. but to sum up, the vibe palina gets from calaba is "you are actively failing the pearl clan."

which... is not entirely incorrect, but it's not fully correct either. i think while calaba is frequently frustrated by palina (and. most of the other wardens tbh) she also feels a little bit of... hope? that she does not like to fully acknowledge, and certainly not voice, but. that maybe them being a little "softer" and more willing to collaborate and admit/allow weakness isn't such a terrible thing. maybe it'll make for a better world. if nobody comes along to take advantage of that all first, of course

otoh i think... calaba wonders a lot what palina thinks of her. like, palina obviously respects her, but they just think so differently like. conceptually. about everything. does she think she's ignorant? out of touch? has she done a good enough job actually teaching her everything she needs to know? i imagine since palina was also a candidate for leader those two must have had some sort of mentor figure dynamic going on, in the past if not currently. and i think palina wants calaba's approval, but also can't bring herself to be as strict with the other wardens and irida and growlithe as calaba wants her to be, and isn't fully willing to bend on that issue for her approval. it's a kind of very frustrating situation on both sides

10. how well does A think they know B? are they correct?

-as just mentioned i think calaba would have been a primary teacher to palina for a while, so i imagine she does know her very well, but like... a younger version of her. that perhaps has not been updated in a while. look, when you're almost 100, everyone looks like a little kid, alright. and she doesn't really feel like palina can have possibly changed enough to deserve revisiting her assumptions about her.

otoh palina would be unwilling to actually claim she knows calaba very well, but uh. that close contact learning each other goes both ways! while palina may not fully understand calaba internally, she can predict her pretty damn well.

13. if A needed help, how likely would they be to ask B for it?

ooh, thiiiis is a tough one... honestly i think they'd both be reluctant to. palina because she doesn't want to open up whatever inevitable lecture/argument/etc, calaba bc she doesn't want palina to think she needs it. yanno.

[hoghtastic]

If you look at their photos together in public when they first announced their relationship, Alex looks genuinely happy with her and she has her hand on his jacket like "look who I scored?are you jealous" clearly showing him off as a trophy. You can argue that she just wanted to announce their relationship because she is serious about him and vice versa, but honestly that is not the only impression I got. Anyway, to continue further with my analysis :p I kid you not one of the next signs is "Luring coworkers into wild behaviours or seducing coworkers or supervisors into romantic relationships". I don't even need to explain that one hah. The next one is "using manipulation to reach goals" (in this case using Alex's influence and popularity to get more exposure and further her career) and who knows if he also played a role in getting her on the show, I wouldn't be surprised. Next one is "scheming for personal benefit without considering consequences". With all the talk about her changing her aesthetic and her personality to match Alex's, she doesn't seem to have a problem adjusting herself to fake a connection with him. People with dark triad personality traits are often charming, well liked and skilled at false mirroring with others, this is probably also how Johanne was able to get his family to like her and have Alex believe they are so alike. Like another anonymous ask pointed out, she appeared to like him/be interested in him for a while before they got together so it probably wasn't difficult for her to study him and find out his interests and likes and adjust herself accordingly through time. I myself encountered these kind of people before and luckily because of my long time and obsessive interest in studying body language, human behaviour and psychoanalyzing people to death lol I am usually able to spot sociopaths and people with sociopathic tendencies by picking up on these behaviours. Sadly most sociopathic people are able to fool others very well and they don't get caught, especially if they aren't completely devoid of empathy. Again we don't know their relationship and human beings are complicated, not so black or white. She could be benefitting from him while also genuinely liking him at the same time, we are just speculating at the end of the day but damn if she doesn't fit most of the signs listed lol. Btw I have some pics I would like to upload of her and you can't tell me she doesn't look like a sociopath in them lol (can you tell I am obsessed with psychoanalysis?) I'm not really sure how to though.

As for people comparing her with Alicia Agneson. Alicia did seem somewhat like a clout chaser as well since she always tries to take pictures with him when they are together lol, but she never gave the impression of being a mean or manipulative person, I actually like her. IIRC they had a fling early on during the filming of vikings? but I'm not entirely sure what happened with them. Alex strikes me as the type of person who craves a deep and genuine connection with someone which is what Johanne is providing him with. Alicia is gorgeous and seems nice but she also seems a little superficial and dumb (I'm not even sure she even wants to date him tho or vice versa). Johanne otoh comes across as being a mature and articulate person and she is also charismatic. She probably picked up on this fact and was able to connect with him (how genuine she is with him we don't know) and remember Alex enjoys singing and Johanne is quite a good singer. (Yes unlike some people I think she is a talented lol). I watched a video where she won some singing competition I think? and she sang with a lot of depth and emotion, so that probably also won him over. Overall I can see why Alex is attracted to her but I genuinely do not think she is a good or nice person even if she happens to be genuine with him. Unfortunately irl bad people often get what they want and people often either make excuses for or don't see their bad behaviour. (part 2)

Anyway those are just my two cents

Part 2 of 2.

Thank you for your input and for your very interesting analysis, anon! 😊 It really is some food for thought! However, I’d just like to disagree with the part where you mention Johanne coming off as mature and charismatic. In my opinion, someone who is mature wouldn’t feel the need to play those little social media games (like “hinting” at them having a relationship in her instastories, or the infamous “you snooze, you lose”) just for attention, and you would expect of a mature person to own up to their mistakes and apologise when needed, instead of just deleting things and move on like nothing ever happened and they did nothing wrong (like when she posted that artwork which she wanted to pass as her own original creation, and when people found out and called her out for it, she just deleted both the picture and the comments, instead of crediting the original artist whose work she copied, for example). And about charisma, you’d expect someone charismatic to have a strong presence and personality, but personally, I can see neither. She comes off as bland, with the need to adapt and change her personality to better fit the ones she’d like to charm and be close with, which means that she has no real personality at all, just an amount of characteristics, likes and interests she “borrowed” because they suit her better at the time. 😕 Just my personal opinion, of course.

Also, to answer your question about submitting pictures, you can do so by either sending an ask or submission (though tumblr doesn’t allow those to be anonymous) or you can send me the pictures through a direct message, telling me to post them. In that case, I’ll post them here and you’ll remain anonymous. It’s whatever you prefer and feel most comfortable with, really. 😊

[theniftycat]

huh

so, for years I thought I was dyslexic.

the thing is that I read slowly and written texts are just hard to deal with

today I was thinking again about how I find Chinese easy as a spoken language, but very hard as a written one. last year I studied it for 6 months and I can remember spoken phrases and pronounciation, but I could write from memory maybe two hieroglyphs.

and then I thought about how I don’t have a very good facial memory and can only draw from references

apparently, poor visual processing ability and dyslexia are two different things

my spelling is mostly fine, but I make very silly mistakes sometimes

I also remember words not completely, but like “four letters, the first letter is w”

I can memorise stuff phonetically just fine

if I read text aloud, it’s easier for me to understand

an article about differences between dyslexia and bad visual processing said that the latter have troubles with distinguishing between “rn” and “m“ or with letters that are only slightly visually different or with mirrored letters. I thought everyone did that!

I have decent vision, it’s not perfect, but I don’t need glasses.

at my last job, I had to give feedback to artists on their works, but it was very hard for me as I missed details and couldn’t process the image completely under pressure.

I can play hidden object games though. maybe because looking for details is easier.

another language I had trouble with learning was German as some words are too damn long! I’m good at languages generally. I also have troubles with remembering French accents, so my French is forever mediocre.

maybe I’m not dyslexic. I always pronounced words correctly, even as a child. my brother, otoh, made a massacre out of words, I was his translator because nobody but me could understand that “akikala” is motorcycle.

I learned letters early, but I really started reading fiction on my own at about 10 yo. before that, I only read encyclopedias and textbooks.

I find comics exhausting and I was confused when people said that dyslexics love comicbooks. I can only read them outloud.

I don’t read normal books outloud, but I hardly read books anymore anyway

so, uh, that’s a thing

this entire text was written with my inner voice saying each word. I always dictate things inwardly as I write

[the-obnoxious-sibling]

i have finally found the time to watch through the entirety of a court of fey and flowers and it has left me clawing the walls

a few thoughts, here and below the cut:

aabria is honestly one of my favorite gms to watch work. like, literally watch, i am 95% podcasts for my actual play media, but the visual elements of her games (esp. her npc facial expressions & acting choices) are so compelling. every damn time wuvvy looked at rue i died.

never not gonna be impressed with how smoothly this team integrated dnd combat & magic & skill checks with the good society framework to make a compelling, weighty, primarily social game. the unique tokens! (the significance to burning them!) the many pvp insight/deception checks over sighs and glances!!

brennan being an eternal gm is a crime, hob is The Most Character

like, picture me taking that character art of hob, printing it out, folding it up, and eating it. love him.

he’s a self-loathing emotionally obtuse plothound who claims to be bad with words but gives The Most Austen-style heart-wrenchingly vulnerable speeches. who else is doing it like him.

(seriously, if you’ve got regency media recs with hob-alike MCs I Want Them)

i am imagining some bonkers child creation magic — like, cabbage patch If You Want One It Will Grow stuff, genetics and gametes need not be involved stuff — that gives hob and rue an enormous passel of kids to love on and Treat Right, including at least one Owl With Bug Wings and two or three Literal Bears.

also picturing atla level confusion when the first one of those bears comes along. “just a bear?” “not a bugbear, not an owlbear, not a bugowlbear. just a bear.” “…this kid is weird.” “yeah, but we’re gonna love them like mad anyway right?” “oh yeah, of course, i’m just saying!”

deeply shocked andhera was able to sit through that detect thoughts at the tailor shop scene without blurting out SOMETHING, given his tendencies towards blurting out everything in other moments.

but like. imagine.

hob: the k stands for knickolas!!

rue: i love him.

andhera: oh shit, for real?! you love him for real??

disastrous. andhera fails to keep his mouth shut, four wounded two dead. (rip buddy, you were a real one)

otoh. now i’m imagining a fun little trivia game at rue’s nearlywed shower with questions like “where did they meet” and “who asked whom” that give them an excuse to retell all of these cute stories about their relationship, and one question is “when did rue first realize they loved hob?”

the answer is supposed to be after they danced all night at the masquerade, because rue thinks it’s fine to lie a little for the Romance of it all, but andhera’s like “oh, i remember that! it was when hob told them what the k in k.p. stands for!”

and he’s very :D satisfied with himself for winning his team a point! not noticing rue and hob’s very complex face journeys as they silently have a Conversation about this.

most shocking moment for me, a person who saw a fair number of acofaf gifs on my dash last fall: chirp marriage & child reveal, no question. the cast around her reacting is also very good, but the twist in itself was honestly so unexpected! and it works fantastically to give the lords of the wing motivation to join the larger plot on Our Heroes’ Side, i thought that was very smartly done.

and last but not least, a fun fact!

I did not realize this until the ap episode where omar confirmed ace andhera, but my first dnd character was basically a mash-up of andhera and rue.

like. they were an ace paladin poorly faking charm and coolness, using a normative appearance (“imagine a combination of chris hemsworth and chris evans”) as a facade a scared, nonnormative creature hid behind— unfortunately my BINX-alike PC friend died early in the campaign, and the plot took priority over character exploration. but still: same hat!

also: me now, looking back at that character: [miranda cosgrove ‘interesting’ meme with the nonbinary flag superimposed]

[sapphim]

i had a look at your characters page and didn't see anything about it so.... can we hear more about "does trevelyan's sister make it her life's goal to politically marry the prince of starkhaven" bc that sounds like it could be a hilarious situation and i'm very intrigued

😳👉👈

yeah lol I don't have the Trevelyan Family Drama on my character page because there is so much of it and so many of them, but, basically, all the kids resent dear old dad to varying degrees and miss when grandma was the family matriarch instead because she was more chill and Bann August is a dick. they're an expansive family of only minor noble status, very devout, and in August's eyes if you're not either pumping out more Trevelyans or dedicating your life to chantry service, you're of no use to him and wasting your life. funny how Alden becoming religious figurehead of an influential cult and saving the world still isn't enough to please him or make him say nice things to his son though lol. quite possibly he's just a dick and a control freak who hates when he doesn't get his way! curious.

anyway Evelyn is the eldest daughter as well as the eldest child of his second wife, and she's Willful. she was also dead set on convincing dad that she should be primary inheritor of the estate, because she Wants it most. her primary competition would have been Maxwell, the eldest, except he got taken away to the Circle, and since then Daniel's been groomed to inherit as "New Eldest, Since Max May As Well Be Dead To Me," and that's all we'll say about that Family Drama!

...this is long btw

Dan's been married (to a solid political match, though not a particularly upwardly-mobile one) and pumping out Trevelyans so he's in good family standing. Evelyn otoh has been fighting off all of August's efforts to marry her off to get her out of his hair. these attempted matches started off as good, ambitious matches that would have marginally improved the family's standing and also have the benefit of shuffling Evelyn off to a more important estate to become her husband's problem. Evelyn found fault with every proposed match and the quality of these matches has been steadily degrading, though not the frequency with which they are proposed. they're just fucking with each other now.

in this version of the worldstate, Sebastian was my replacement for Cullen as Commander of the Inquisition's forces. he's devout, he's personally connected to the Inquisition, and he's had a few years' experience as head of state of Starkhaven, which had involved a rather unfortunate amount of warring among the nobility. He's not the perfect fit for the position but like, unless you're going to dredge up someone like Loghain or Ser Cauthrien, show me someone who is.

anyway, by now well into her 30s, Evelyn has come to accept that she's just never going to inherit that damn estate she wanted so badly. rn she's content to be obnoxiously spinstery and make her existence as annoying as possible to August while not getting cut out entirely like Max and Alden. but she's still an intensely Ambitious and Stubborn person (much like dad) and while she's ceded that battle she still wants to Win The War.

so she and mom finally manage to convince August to take a trip with them out to Skyhold to visit Alden, bc again, he is Stubborn but they are Stubborner, and they think he should probably speak to his youngest son at least once every few years. Alden is happy to see two out of the three of them (guess which two!) and Evelyn finally gets to meet the Prince of Starkhaven. who, you know, was apparently a notorious party boy before disappearing off the face of thedas for like a decade, only reemerging after the assassination of his entire family, and wresting control of Starkhaven out of a morass of political turmoil. there's been gossip. so much gossip. Alden spent years being a bohemian teenage layabout in Starkhaven (more Family Drama!) and Sebastian was before his time, but there was so much gossip.

anyway Evelyn is like "I'm gonna go chat up the prince," bc like. obviously. August's political matches for her started off as ambitious, but not prince ambitious. that would be well above his reach and station. so that would tick him off, certainly. and she wants a goddamn estate to run bc goddammit, she'd be good at it.

they get to talking and they very quickly learn that they have a lot of things in common! like 1) they both hate being constantly told they should get married and 2) they both hate nearly every single shitty advantageously-positioned noble they've been told they should consider getting married to.

Evelyn is like "if we married each other, then they'd have to tell us to stop marrying other people, haha jk unless?" nah she's actually very blunt and straightforward about it. she's like "look I can't not consider that this would be a good match for me, and also that it would piss off my father, which is something I take great joy in. I'm smart and I'm competent and I have a low tolerance for bullshit. my brother speaks highly of you and I think we get to know each other, so I'll write, okay? even if nothing comes of it"

so anyway that's the story of how Evelyn becomes the princess of Starkhaven by becoming the prince's pen-pal and bitching with him about how annoying and useless petty politicking is. I don't know that they fall in love so much as fall in like? and she is, somewhat annoyingly, as clever and pretty and charming and competent as she claims to be.

[cannoli-reader]

What did you mean by Lini letting sex overcome her good judgment?

Well, she refused to share her joke about the things men are good for with Morgase until Morgase was well into adulthood (after she took the throne, which she did at 19). She says that Morgase didn't know where babies came from when Tallanvor was born, which was when Morgase was 14. It's possible Lini is exaggerating, but OTOH, this assertion comes up in a conversation where Lini is relating that she took pains to learn about Tallanvor after she observed him secretly swearing fealty to Morgase in atonement for his oath to "Gaebril" so the idea that she does not know how old he is, is kind of dubious. As Daved Hanlon notes later, the Guard/royal military establishment keeps meticulous records, so it's likely that a long-time royal retainer could get someone to show her Tallanvor's personnel file.

But even if those data are not exactly cut and dried proof, a thing repeatedly asserted by both Elayne and Morgase, the two people who know her best, is that she doesn't seem to want to admit they have grown up. Lini even scoffs at Morgase's hypothetical reluctance to discuss her romantic troubles with her old nurse, who changed her diapers and cleaned up her puke, but that kind of proves the point that she is still seeing them as little girls. I have changed the diapers of many of my nieces and cousins, but I would not remotely be comfortable discussing intimate sexual matters with them, much less wiping their butts now that some of them are past puberty.

Anyway, the main thing I was referring to with the judgment is her response to the Perrin/Berelain fake scandal. Lini went looking for Perrin, discovered he was in Berelain's tent and passed that news all over camp. Perrin blames Berelain for this, but Berelain is used to servants and the proper ways for them to behave and Perrin is not. As we see in Elayne's PoV, servants tell each other stuff to help each other do their jobs properly and efficiently. Berelain's maids, aware of her interest in Perrin, undoubtedly alerted Lini to the possibility of their sexual relationship so Lini would not be surprised and could figure that in to whatever she was supposed to be doing for the Aybarras. And Lini promptly spread the word through the camp.

Now, the obvious reasons for her actions is that Lini has given her loyalty to Faile, and is outraged on Faile's behalf at her husband's apparent infidelity. All well and good. However, as someone on Faile's team, she should be trying to protect Faile and her reputation! No matter how offended she is at Perrin's behavior while his wife and her mistress is missing, she should be keeping a tight lid on the news of his affair and even doing her best to suppress the gossip until Faile is rescued and she knows how Faile wants to handle it. What Lini has done is humiliate the person to whom she is supposedly loyal! In the eyes of everyone else, Faile's husband is a cad, or Faile is somehow lacking since her husband can't be bothered to stay faithful for an absence of longer than a day!

As Berelain points out to Perrin, he is the key piece holding their fragile coalition together. The Ghealdanin are not going to be listening to anyone but Alliandre's liege lord. The Aiel are not going to listen to any wetlander who is not entrusted with authority by the Car'a'carn directly. The Aes Sedai are sworn to Rand, and won't obey anyone Rand has not made it clear has his confidence and speaks for him, likewise the Asha'man. Everything depends on Perrin, which is why Berelain bends over backwards to support his leadership in the subsequent books, and upholds her part of the proffered truce, despite Perrin's refusal to accept and her somewhat ominous reaction to his denial. For damn sure, aside from Perrin's theoretical loyalty to his people, no one but a middle-aged, fat non-combatant, an ex officer and a bouncer are invested at all in rescuing Morgase, the person Lini is most concerned about. This, of course, is part of what must be behind her outrage: if Perrin can't be loyal to the woman who shares his name and his bed, how can Lini trust that he will do right by his servants, and do all he can to rescue the woman she sees as a daughter? But her spreading gossip that undermines his standing with his own retainers is the exact opposite of helpful. For someone portrayed as a font of wisdom and good sense, not to mention her experience and years observing human nature and aristocrats at close range, you'd think Lini would know better.

And the rumors of Perrin's infidelity with Berelain are something Faile ends up having to deal with following her rescue, quite aside from Perrin's desperation for her to believe his innocence, and unwillingness to accept that she does. As a result, Faile and Berelain have to pretend to be BFF in public to dispel the rumors that her own servant started, while supposedly acting on her behalf. This is a huge fuckup on Lini's part. A maid is supposed to be absolutely confidential, and keep her mistress' secrets like her own. There is a reason for that.

"... she saw you at your worst, grumpy, tired, weeping in your pillow, in rages and sulks."

- Elayne, on dealing with a personal servant.

It's not just about privacy, it's a leadership thing. People expect more from their leaders. IRL there is an expression that no man is a hero to his valet. Well, people are following Perrin because they expect him to be a hero, and the same thing for Faile. The whole reason they have servants is not because they are too lazy to do things for themselves, but because there are jobs only Perrin & Faile can do, and then there are tasks and chores that many other people can do, so it makes sense for them to do those things, so Perrin & Faile can give all their attention to their unique functions and specialties. If Perrin and Faile are constantly having to clean their clothing, cook their own food and set up their own tents and furniture at the end of a day's travel, where are they going to find the time to make sure everyone else has what they need to get by, to oversee the security for everyone in the camp, and make sure everyone in the party is pulling their weight? Lini's whole purpose as a maidservant, is to help preserve Perrin's & Faile's ability to function as leaders by removing ordinary day to day burdens, just like she freed Morgase up to worry about Andor, by doing the work of taking care of babies and young children that occupies far too much of a mother's time for a Queen. The absolute last thing she should be doing is making their job harder by spreading around (as it turns out, untrue) rumors that make Perrin look worse, and impair his men's trust in his leadership. Those doubts Perrin's infidelity aroused in Lini can come up in all the Two Rivers men, their Cairhienin retainers and the other wetlanders. Perrin swore a solemn vow to Faile, but if he is going to betray her, how can his men trust that the commands he gives them will have their best interests in mind, rather than his own selfish gratification. Lini should know all this stuff, she has no excuse.

The only explanation I can see for her behavior is that she is so used to being the moral arbitrator for her charges, that she just rolled with her outrage, instead of thinking about what is called for according to both her own job and the needs of this group, which is the only thing standing between Morgase and a life of slavery.

[clatterbane]

Eye update: it is looking slightly less disturbing now, at least.

(Not thrilled about the state of my eyebrows, zooming in. 😬 But, that has kinda been low on the priority list lately.)

Still feeling pretty damned irritated about a week out, probably not helped by some of the battery acid-feeling drops they're still insisting that I use. Not sure the topical steroids can even keep up with that, tbh. I have started having to just leave one type in to start working for like 15 minutes, then gently rinse the eye because it honestly feels like shampoo in there. No blistering so far, at least. *fingers crossed*

No wonder it's been feeling worse toward the inside corner all along, though, looking at the thing. That's also still looking pretty swollen compared to the "good" eye.

It has definitely gradually been getting more vision back, which is still distorted as hell and honestly pretty sickening beyond the migraines. Besides just finding myself going around with it squinched shut a lot, this has been my favorite accessory lately when I'm even wearing the glasses. I have a pirate patch that elastic bands on my head too, but sensory issues limit using that.

Oh yes, I never got around to saying anything about the followup on the little post-surgical high eye pressure panic.

When I went back the next day for that second urgent check, it had indeed gone down to the point that the guy didn't want me back until the already scheduled followup appointment next week. So, yay?

(That different surgeon was particularly shit at communicating, and didn't actually tell me what the pressure was--just that it was acceptable. I just really wanted out of there by that point, so didn't even press.)

OTOH, I am supposed to continue using all 4 drops until then. 😑 Including the two types of glaucoma stuff, and the dilating shit that's helping fuel the freaking migraines. There were evidently NOT supposed to be antibiotic drops after all, but thankfully no obvious signs of infection so far? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But yeah, at least it does seem to be trying to heal up some. I think. *fingers crossed* And nothing more truly alarming has happened so far. Definitely not how I would recommend spending your summer vacation, though

[byronicbat]

HC that young Sev loved Halloween (because he’s a spooky bat boi) and always shared that with Lily, until ya know…that fateful Halloween night.😟

[waters-and-the-wilde]

more s4 thoughts

ooooh i bet the thing Puck wants to look into is/is related to Nureyev’s creditors

also

they Did That with Diamond-as-foil/parallel to babey Nureyev and now i am dying to find out how juno reflects nureyev’s first love and what kind of light that’s going to shed on the age old question of ‘why the fuck did this idiot just hand over his real name after knowing our grumpy lady for all of half a day’

also

if we’re doing the round trip tour in Juno’s past maybe we’ll still get Cassandra? she’s out there somewhere and might even have an interstellar hauler by now, and if RUBY is planning to stay car-shaped she’s gonna run out of room if Juno’s building a rescue party, anyway maybe we get to hear the ‘Cecil kidnapped by mobsters and lost an arm’ adventure? Juno and Cass's friendship? we know they were party buddies at one point and also went through respective addiction recoveries and also i’m just very here for the ‘get in losers we’re gonna go fuck up Dark Matters’ kind of vibes

and I mean filling in all the backstory on things can be a hit or miss choice and it’s good to leave some stuff as Noodle Incidents (like the time Juno mugged the president of Venus! i don’t even care about the context that shit’s hilarious), otoh they’ve done a pretty good job so far about making allusions that hint at real events and then making sure those events are appropriately impactful when they elaborate and are super mindful of how people are shaped by their histories and it would be cool to put a few more pieces in between HCPD fallout and Murderous Mask

also

this isn’t a thing i’m anticipating it’s just a thing i want but -- finale episode or pre-finale arc part 1 opens with Nureyev doing a v-for-vendetta style broadcast addressed to probably Dark Matters/whoever the fuck else is listening, structured like his speech in Angel of Brahma, he’s got some kind of leverage and is using it to bargain for the Aurinkos (one might say he’s making a ransom demand???) and at that bit of the opening he goes My name is Peter Nureyev

and like. his plan doesn’t work obv bc Jet said ‘I know he is our family and I know he would come back for us and I also know that he will fail’ but I wanna see him try and I wanna see him own it and I want that to be how the others find out

I believe in two things about Peter Nureyev and one is that he’s a dramatic gay bitch and the other is that ultimately the trustworthiness shows up (and also that he loves Juno Steel with all his heart actually I believe in three things about Peter Nureyev)

his success isn’t the point bc that’s Juno’s job, his job is to reach that shift in perspective -- control your name and you control yourself, and that control’s been slipping the more he tries to keep it hidden, and I want to see him make that choice to reveal it because he’s found a reason that makes it worth it and then fucking goes for it in the most dramatic gay bitch way possible instead of getting backed into a corner or having someone else out him

and uh also I love that this is the kind of story where we’re more likely to get that growth instead of the ‘we’re gonna make his worst fear come to pass bc that’s how you do good writing’ like damn speculating about the plot is actually fun when you got some reason to think the outcome could be genuinely rewarding

[lewis-winters]

easy boys & gossip

web is the kind of gossip that is more like an accident-- he didn't mean to eavesdrop, he just happened to be in the right place at the right time, is all. and he has near perfect memory. and also can't help following the thread of info a little longer until he arrives at the full story. he's a journalist, what can he do? it doesn't take much to wheedle the truth out of him, too. that's where the trouble usually starts.

george is more an echo than a gossip. he hears something and he repeats it. except, he only repeats the funny bits. how he decides something is the funny bit is known only to him. he keeps his mouth shut when you tell him not to tell, though.

pat and frank, otoh, are the gossips that intentionally go looking. they ask around. they stalk social media pages. they eavesdrop when they can (though pat is better at it than frank). they're fbi level good at gathering info but aren't very good at discerning the real from the not real. also, they're notorious for running their mouths.

don, skip and alex, however, are the ones who are scary good at predicting and speculating. usually it's a damn joke, but even the jokiest of their speculations end up being at least 20% true. the words of the prophets are written on the inner walls of these idiots' heads-- they're just a little difficult to read past all the bad ideas and jokes.

now, nix. nix is the king of whispers. nobody knows where he gets his intel. nobody knows how he gets his intel. not even speirs. nix just always somehow knows what's going on-- not even in that 'oh he just gives off the vibe that he knows but he really doesn't' way. he actually knows. maybe because he'll always have an analyst's brain, and he can get into people's heads really well and figure out their next step. or maybe because people like to get drunk around him and tell him every thing that comes to mind. or maybe because he's a telepath. no one has a clue. all they can tell for sure is that he just knows.

he never shares his intel, though, running his mouth is just not his style. dick is his exception, but not even a good bottle of vat 69 will pry the truth from him.

not unless, of course, the situation were to be improved upon if he did spill. and by improved, i actually mean "made more amusing/funny."

[darkicedragon]

darkicedragon Well Among us au starting to take over my brain TTuTT aZure oh no uwu tweeerrriiblweeee aZure OH MY GOD THE TINY BLITZCRANKKK and heheheh tentaclesss >w< ._. ok v imp do he have the chompers darkicedragon ofc uwu darkicedragon XDD soooooo i was thinking that if vik is a born imposter, he isnt able to fully transform like others, which is why he has the limp and weak hand. but also makes it much easier for vik to just go =-= 'i know, bc im one of them' //shows jayce his hand//

aZure yessss o0o what's Vik's goal? darkicedragon live XD not get found out and shot out the airlock maybe he talks abt his health in vague terms, which is why he helps jayce Science, but jayce wants details and particulars, so he knows exactly what to aim for, and vik had to decide if its okay to trust him also possibly the same - he wants a tech that can fix his body, bc being in a halftransformed state Hurts aZure I don't think he'd kill his problem isn't murder, it's not being sus bc everyone suspects him "Where were you?" "I was studying a plant???" "For 15hours?" "Yes qwq" darkicedragon yeah, def. but hed still worry abt it, bc everyones talking abt The Imposters and making sure everyone is Really Human so he always has to make sure his suit stays on (murder to save jayce otoh uwu) i guess both of them would be in the o2 area? aZure accidental murder he tries to help Jayce and his instincts flare also the other impostor is like 'y u no fucking murder' and Vik's like 'bc murder wrong and science right' darkicedragon 'body's broken; so is my murder instinct' aZure THAT LINE SAVAGE DAMN darkicedragon 'but not right now' 🔪 aZure — 31/01/2022 SPITTIN STRAIGHT FIRE RN darkicedragon oh, duh, theres a science/lab room unless vik started off in the o2 room, then jayce joined and dragged him to work in the lab room aZure maybe the other way around XD Jayce dragged him to where the tree is bc VIK NEEDS TA GET OUT OF THE FOKEN LAB FOR ONCE darkicedragon or maybe vik started in admin XDDD but canon paralllelllll vik starts with admin, and then jayce drags him Towards Science!! and THEN drags him out to o2 when they need a break aZure yessss :D that sounds so much better!!! darkicedragon Does that mean heimdude is the ships captain? ...lmao, is viks backstory literally how imposter!vik got onto ths ship? 'Oh look, a human with our ships uniform. Must be one of ours. Come along then!' ??? darkicedragon Not sure what an end point of the fic could be tho aZure hmmm not sure who are the other impostors? maybe Vik saves the ship, but is found as an impostor and thrown out bc hemeindude don't want impostors darkicedragon I was thinking maybe imposters being zaunites but havent settled on that yet aZure o0o that's a good idea darkicedragon it does mean all zaunites would be enemies to be killed though which, hm.

[laufire]

Supernatural s3

It’s so unfair that the season that has Ruby AND Bela is so short :(((. I was done with it waaaay too quickly, and now I’m speed running through s4 xD (which, like the first time around, is Strong Mixed Feelings territory).

-My girl Ruby!!!! I was so happy to have her back, I kept grinning like a loon every time she was on screen. It’s quite interesting watching the 1.0 and 2.0 versions so close to each other, instead of as they air. I have... Thoughts, on whether Ruby as a double agent was something planned or that they decided as they went, but that’s for the s4 post. s3!Ruby really doesn’t come across as one (“I don’t believe in the devil” oh I wish sometimes xD, I love my nonbelievers), imo, but the beauty of such a device is that you can rationalize anything she does as devious if you want to xD

And it goes without saying that I love her interactions with Sam. THIS SHIP ISTG. I love how immediately ~attuned to her he is lol, his present and instinctive concern for her even if he tries to mask his interest as “practical”. And all the repeated times Sam’s conflicted between her and Dean -like when he deviates Dean shot (wasting one of the Colt’s bullets lmfao) or during the argument about the virgin sacrifice xD. And the “that’s my boy”/ “little fallen angel on your shoulder” quotes!!! Ruby 1.0 deserved to be railed by Sam too, smh.

My favourite episode of hers is “Jus in Bello” (which would be my fave of the season just by virtue of having both Bela and Ruby in the same episode lol. Not interacting, of course, the world as we know it wouldn’t have survived). I just love that she gets that final moment of I TOLD YOU SO to the brothers xD. I really like how she expands on the demonic lore of the show- I love, LOVE the detail about how all demons used to be humans, how they’re souls corrupted in hell. And that in her past life she was a witch (there was this really good fic in Spanish fandom about it... I need to hunt it down).

BTW, though I think her interactions with Dean in that episode are interesting, it really hammers home how much I hate him sometimes xD. Can you stop saying misogynistic slurs for TWO GODDAMN MINUTES, DEAN (and as we know from as early as this season, only HE can have demon/monster friends!! What a fucking hypocrite xD). I freaking love the moment in the finale when she viciously yells him about how she wishes she could see him in hell lmao (and how it foreshadows that when she shows sympathy later, it’s actually Lilith in disguise lmfao). I hate Dean gets the last word in their dynamic, tbqh. Until the s15 cameo, at least xDD

One thing that’s been bothering me xD: the French fries. Demons are vulnerable to salt, like other spirits, right? (and hey, look what a nice piece of foreshadowing that was). How does that translate to food lol. Because Ruby adores French fries, and they obviously contain salt. It’s like spicy food for humans? Or like pineapple? Inquiring minds etc. xD

-I still cannot believe Bela Talbot was only on the show for six episodes lmao. Her presence still lingers in the watchers’ heads so much?? Which is understandable because she’s Lead Girl Material if there was ever any lol. The care with which they styled her even?? You don’t do that for just any character lmao (I mean, just look at most of SPN’s female characters for comparison xD).

Her ship with Dean could’ve really been something, too -even if I hate Dean in it, I can’t deny it packs a punch, narrative-wise. I mean, the Batcat undertones alone!! The fake married undercover shenanigans!! And I think it’s really interesting that she’s such a blind spot for him; Dean’s unusually intuitive about people, but with Bela he takes everything at face value and she can fool him like no other (while, OTOH, is Sam who questions her facade and wants to see more). If he hadn’t been such an idiot (and such an asshole) he could’ve had a really powerful ship. Sucks to be him lol.

Anyway. Man, I love her. So much. I love how Gordon’s threats to kill her don’t work on her, and I love that the show basically said “Bela killing her abusive parents is good, actually” (I’m so tired of forgiveness narratives, you guys. This entire show is founded on revenge, so let me get my revenge fantasies in peace!!) xDD. And I love, LOVE that she withheld that truth from Dean, that she decided he wasn’t worth it. OTOH, you know, fuck the fans that got her written out, definitely; but on the other, I do love how her story ended (and that it was a clear "fuck you" to shitty fans). Doesn’t stop me for wanting to read and re-read (and maybe write!) even more “Bela escapes hell” fix-its, but still.

Also, very important question: what happened to her cat?? It’s the cat alright?? I’m going to headcanon that she left them with that cougar friend of hers lol.

-So. THE DEAL. Okay. Oof. I love this storyline, a lot. A loooot. I love the conflict it creates between the brothers (as long as there’s still conflict and Sam hasn’t yet started taking everything lying down I can enjoy that part of their narrative lol). I love Dean’s initial forced giddiness about “making the most out of his last year” and I love the moment Dean decides he does want to try to live because it makes the last few episodes all the most desperate and cruel (and hey, I’ve heard he only went to hell because the season was cut short due to a writers’ strike... if that’s true that’s so funny lmao).

My absolutely favourite part however? That you can FEEL Dean’s unvoiced resentment towards Sam. For Dean having to die for him, even if Sam never asked him to. He lashes out to Sam repeatedly through the season, but it really came to ahead in the dreamspace episode, where Dean confronts another version of himself that talks about how Sam was “dotted on” (the revisionism asldfkaf). This show is absolutely ruthless when it comes to showing you its characters’ ugly, unfair reactions to things and it’s my favourite thing evah.

Speaking of the dreamspace episode, OMFG. I loved both brothers there. Dean’s hallucination, seeing himself as a demon? And how he let out his anger about John?? Beautiful, truly (regarding John, I also loved their different reactions when it looked like his spirit had contacted them: Dean jumping on it and Sam detached skepticism). But my favourite part has to be when Sam uses the villain’s abusive father against him. Like. Damn. That was cold-blooded o.0

The second-to-last episode, when Sam tracked down that Frankenstein doctor to try and make Dean immortal was ABSOLUTELY HORRIFYING OMG. I loved that. I love that Sam wanted to use it for both them. It was some scary shit. I also love the scene where the crossroads demon questions whether Sam really wants to break the deal, I’m gathering it’s going to be nice foreshadowing later on in the show lol.

Anyway. I also found Dean’s death scene more impactful than Sam’s. Partially because of the horror of it, but mostly because I think at this type of scenes, Padalecki is better. Sam’s grief felt more real, Dean’s got me out of the scene (it’s the voice, I think. Sometimes Ackles’ voice takes me out of scenes, it sounds... forced).

I also really enjoyed how the time loop episode wrapped around this subplot. It managed to be both heartbreaking and mind-numbly hilarious lmfao. Like?? All the deaths?? Were so pathetic?? I tip my hat to Ackles because I don’t think most actors could carry plots like this half as well lmfao.

Sidenote, it’s always a trip to see The Trickster God knowing that fucker is Gabriel. Archangel “hey Mary do you accept God knocking you up” Gabriel. Which I guess isn’t exactly a thing in this show?? Since according to the wikia SPN Jesus was “just a man” (and let me tell you, I’m tickled pink by the fact that out of ALL mythological figures, specifically all CHRISTIAN mythological figures, the show decided to go “nah” on Jesus Christ. I mean, I guess he’d take away from Dean’s, Sam’s and Castiel’s resurrection narratives, but still. It’s so funny!!).

-Gordon Walker remains a superbly acted and fascinating character with extra racist nonsense alsdkfjasdf. But I can’t deny I loved seeing him as a vampire. He was terrifying. And I’m definitely shipping him with Kubrick, ouch xD

-The Ghostfacers episode is... something. As in, incredibly exploitative and homophobic and with an egregious case of BYG (and the first where I’d say it’s incontestable to claim the trope was used. s1 and s2 are muddy territory given the circumstances, IMO, but this one is 300% BYG), but so successfully manipulative my heart hurt for Corbett and Corbett x Ed still. Fuck them for that ngl. I do still enjoy how anti-Winchesters they all are though xD

-3x01 introduces the one nice marriage of hunters so far, between a black couple. The man dies in a gross, horrifying way within the episode ofc (because he was Mean to the the brothers duh). She makes it out alive, and since she doesn’t reappear in the show she gets to live. So for now black women have a sliiiiiightly better track record in SPN than track guys there: they get to appear in a few more episodes and be more fleshed out (Victor, Gordon), but as long as they’re only in one episode they get to live!! (Cassie, Tamara).

-Rufus and Bobby are exes, right? Right?? Probably still married in some state? You know that post about how when gay marriage was legalized across the USA there were a lot of issues because some couples had split and never bothered to divorce, since it was only legal in one place? That post was made for them. Pity Rufus is a black man, and as such has a limited number of allowed appearances before he’s killed off ¬¬

-I would’ve enjoyed Dean’s moments with Lisa and Ben more (it’s just so RIGHT that in this moment he’d want Ben to be his) if my knowledge of future spoilers didn’t perpetually have me in a state of “pls keep this guy away from kids” lol.

-They had Harmony’s actress (BTVS) and they made her a vampire!! The show’s hard on for the Buffyverse is a bit of a hit and miss but I can’t say I don’t relate xDD.

-I know Jensen Ackles can sing (in fact thanks to youtube I know a few of the actors can... is there a musical episode. Does this show have its own OMWF. I need to know). So why. WHY. Does he sound like that during “Dead or Alive”??? I actually like the scene but he sounds so off-key lmao.

-BTW, I found out that apparently Katie Cassidy and Lauren Cohan originally auditioned for each other’s roles añslkdfjasf. I can’t picture it. Ruby 1.0 is Ruby 1.0 and Bela is Bela xD. Although I’ve seen each playing roles that could meld with the other, just. Nope. Good choice on the casting there lol.

[ms-katonic-of-tamriel]

Saw a fic tagged Lady Miraak/Lucien Flavius the other day. 

Oh my god.  That poor man.  He’ll be eaten alive.

OTOH Lady Miraak?? Have some courage and make it male Miraak.  Miraak’s bi as anything, he’ll take one look at this sheltered young Imperial desperate for knowledge of the Dragon Cult and... think things.

Bonus points for Very Sheltered Lucien at one point going “you know, if I were a girl, I’d be really nervous about now!  Because... because you’re a bit terrifying!” (Spoiler alert: Lucien Flavius is really nervous, and Miraak is grinning at him like a born predator.)

Miraak chuckles and tells him to report back for his first lesson the next day then goes off to track down the annoying but definitely Not Straight jester, also from Cyrodiil, because he has to ask, have the norms around same-sex relationships changed that much??

“No, no, only Cicero fears that Mr Flavius is... how can Cicero put this.  Sheltered.  Naive.  Barely twenty years old.  The only child of doting parents.  Has spent his entire existence in academic libraries.  Is likely untouched.  It is entirely possible he has managed to go his entire life blissfully unaware a relationship between two men is even possible.”

Miraak finds this hilarious and decides to have fun with that idea, and Dovahzul and history lessons are interwoven with VERY seductive body language, near-unmistakeable innuendo, getting Lucien all hot and bothered while not actually touching him then backing off immediately.  Eventually Lucien snaps and talks to Kaidan of all people, because he’s confused as all hell, because it’s weird, it’s wrong, he doesn’t understand it, if Miraak was a woman, he’d know it was flirting but Miraak’s a man, men don’t do that to other men, do they?

Kaidan the other bisexual facepalms, wants to know just how they ever let Lucien out on his own, tells him yes they do in fact do that, just as women often go out with other women, it’s perfectly normal and not remotely rare.  And yeah, Miraak’s seducing you.  Or trying to.  Do you need me to have a word with him, because First Dragonborn or no First Dragonborn, he doesn’t get to hassle you.

“No!  No?  I need to think about this.  A lot.  Oh Mara.”

Cicero is the next port of call.  Did you know about this, Cicero?  Men going out with other men?  Cicero stares at Lucien, puts down the anatomical diagram of pain nexuses that he’s been colouring in, looks at him long and hard and then bursts out laughing for a good minute before drying his eyes and nodding.  Yes, Flavius.  Yes, Cicero knew.  Cicero thought everybody knew.

“I didnt know!  Oh gods.  Miraak’s interested in me.  Oh gods.  Cicero, what do I do?”

“You are asking me for romantic advice??  Oh by Sithis... I don’t know!  Are you interested in him or not?”

“I don’t know!  He’s terrifying!”

“Good or bad terrifying?”

“Good... there’s a good terrifying??”

Cicero realises he now has to explain kink as well as queerness and wordlessly gets some books out of his personal collection. 

“Some people like having power removed from them and being rendered utterly helpless while a ruthless, ravishing brute does whatever they like with them.  Other people like taking helpless yet willing victims and having their way with them.  It does not surprise Cicero that Miraak is among them.”

“Which kind is he??”

“He just had five thousand years of Mora rendering him helpless, he’s either VERY keen on it or has had enough.  For you, boy?  Assume it’s the latter.”

Lucien whimpers.  Takes the books.  Runs.  Liriel gave Miraak’s mask to Dragonborn Gallery without hesitation and he’s been bare-faced ever since, with piercing blue eyes and long blonde hair and a smile that could tempt an Aedra to sin.  She let him keep the robes though, having had replicas made for her museum, the originals cleaned and mended, and then returned, and the First Dragonborn had been wearing those whenever Lucien had seen him.  Without the mask they were low-cut, to well below his collarbones, and while they weren’t tight-fitting, it was clear Miraak had muscles under there, and Lucien knew first-hand Miraak could fight with blade as well as magic.

Miraak was terrifying. That was a given.  But Lucien had to know for sure.

Next lesson, Lucien enters the safehouse, sees Miraak sitting by the fire, and Miraak only has to look to know something is wrong.  Different.  Lucien is staring at him and not coming any closer, and Miraak realises that after three and a half months, he’s finally fucking realised.

About time.  Now, what will the young seeker after knowledge do about it.

Silence and it is Miraak who breaks it.

“Is something wrong, goraan?”

“No - yes - have you been flirting with me??”

Bless him, his young student has finally graduated.

“You have finally noticed!  Well done, goraan.  Yes, I have been... how does Tamrielic put it.  Pushing my luck.  Nudging at the boundaries.  Wondering which will fall first.  Note I have not laid a finger on you.  Merely left suggestions in the air.  And despite becoming ever more blatant, you still come back for more.  Why is that, goraani?”

Oh gods, he’s changed to the possessive tense.

“I’m not your... I’m leaving. Right now!  I’m not coming back!  I’m not paying for Dovahzul lessons in sex!”

Surprise on Miraak’s face.  “It was never the intent you should, goraani.  Ah, krosis.  I took advantage of your naivety.  It was wrong.  I apologise.  If you wish to stop the lessons, I understand.  But if not, I will continue - only I promise to behave this time.  You have my word as an Atmoran.”

Atmoran honour and the swearing of a vow were covered early on.  Lucien doesn’t entirely trust him, but at length he sits down and the lessons resume.  Except they’re different.  Miraak is a respectful three feet away at all times.  No breathing down the back of his neck without quite touching.  No innuendo or purring or that damn smile.  Just Miraak being calm and professional and, and... Lucien hates it.  Hates every fucking second of it because walls have gone up, part of Miraak that was on display is now shut off, probably forever and Lucien... Lucien misses it.  Lucien misses the feeling of feeling scared out of his wits but safe at the same time because Miraak wouldn’t really...  Miraak apparently would.  If Lucien asked him.  Lucien does not know how to ask.  Or what to ask for.  But Miraak behind him, trailing a finger down the back of his neck, Miraak’s chest on his back and his arms round his waist... With arms like that, Miraak probably gives really good cuddles.

“Goraan.  You are clearly not paying attention.  If your mind is elsewhere, you are welcome to discontinue until it returns?”

“No!” Lucien gasps. Raised eyebrow from Miraak who wants to know where exactly his thoughts are flying if they are not here, and Lucien can take it no more.

“You. Utter. Bastard!”

Miraak doesn’t even look shocked.  “I am, yes.  Which of my many sins are you referring to?”

“You can’t just... you can’t just do this to me!  You can’t just spend months being all up close and personal and then just... just switch it off like it meant nothing!”

Strange look on Miraak’s face.  “Krosis, Lucien.  I was under the impression my attentions were unwelcome and you wished me to stop.”

“No!  Oh gods.  No.  You utter, utter bastard, I hate you so much, please don’t stop.”

Silence, Lucien’s face going bright red as he realises what’s just come out of his mouth, and he can barely look at Miraak.  Then the chair creaks, Miraak’s footsteps are on the stone floor and then gauntlets are removed, hit the table, and then Miraak’s hands are in his.

“Lokaaliin.  Is that your wish?  Truly?  For me not to?”

Miraak’s voice is gentler than Lucien has ever heard it and he finally looks Miraak in the eye to see the softest smile, one he’d not thought the man capable of, and Miraak’s reaching up to stroke his cheek, cupping his face and Lucien can’t stop himself leaning into his touch. 

“I’m scared, Miraak.”

“It is all right to be.  I have... not had a lover in a long time.  But I have not forgotten how to give pleasure.  I will give it to you if you ask.”

“I don’t even know how to - I’ve never had one!  Oh gods.”

Miraak just smiles and kisses his hand.  “It is all right.  I will take care of you.  It is your wish to move our lessons to a more intimate footing?”

Lucien nods, because Miraak makes him flushed and breathless and eager for... he doesn't even know what for.  Miraak takes him by the hand and leads him to the bedroom upstairs, promising nothing below the waist will happen yet, they can just talk and cuddle, yes?

After all the frantic worrying, for it just to be that is a blessed, blessed relief.  Miraak sheds his circlet, outer layers, strips down to his trousers, kicks off his boots and lies down on the bed, arms open for Lucien and Lucien hesitantly takes off his outer coat and his own boots and goes into Miraak’s arms, and from the moment skin touches skin, it is safety, reassurance, a throbbing strength that allays his fears as Miraak pulls him into his arms and holds him tight, and it takes Lucien a moment to realise Miraak is shaking.

“Are you all right?”

“Krosis.  Yes.  I am well.  I just... I have had no one in my arms like this in millennia.  Ah, goraani, I’m sorry.  Be patient with me.”

Lucien hadn’t expected that.  For all he’d seen Miraak as the scary First Dragonborn, he’d not even realised there was still a human being in there with feelings and vulnerabilities.  That... was a lot less scary, or rather it was still scary in a different way. Goodness, what if he hurt Miraak?  He’d never even thought of it that way round before.  Well.  He’d just need to be gentle, wouldn’t he.  Just as Miraak was presently being with him. 

It would be a few weeks more before sex actually started to happen.  Rather more before they finally told other people they were seeing each other.  Round about the time Liriel takes them both in her party, Lucien’s swarmed by Falmer, and then Miraak promptly immolates them all so fiercely you can’t tell flesh from chitin any more and when all the foes are dead, is frantically checking Lucien over, healing his wounds and then holding him so tightly no one can miss what’s up. 

Liriel has strong words for Miraak, but sees Lucien leap to his defence and at length decides, what the hell, anyone to be a reforming influence on Miraak is a good thing, and Miraak does seem to genuinely care.  Still, she does promise that if he hurts Lucien, she’s coming after him.  Miraak just smiles.  He’d expect no less.

Not so very long after that, Lucien moved into the safehouse with Miraak, and then it turned out his father got him a lead to this Dwemer ruin on Solstheim of all places and who better to go and have a look with him than a Solstheimer?  That led to a whole series of adventures, including that one time Miraak nearly broke up with him for remantling the Dwemer-Daedra entity that had tried to kill Miraak and possess his corpse... but eventually Miraak forgave him.  Even if he decided that if Lucien now had a demon horse, he was getting one, and acquired a Storm Atronach in horse form as his mount.  At least it wasn’t tentacled.