#otp: cutting me open then healing me fine

[zoyazenik]

— You’ve made me realize my deepest fear

taglist 🦋: @samwilsonns, @kiara-carrera, @fleetwoodmcs, @dio-nysvs @lizziesxltzmxn, @villanele, @daisyjohvson, @arrthurpendragon, @aaudace, @julianblackthcrns, @richitozier, @megdonnellys, @anotherunreadblog, @prosemoireia, @luucypevensie, @chlobenet, @eddysocs, @phoebestarks, @stareyedplanet, @waterloou, @raith-way, @jvstjewels, @anita-alice

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[jasntodds]

Caving In [2]

Pairing: Gar Logan x Fem!Powered!Reader, Jason Todd x Fem!Powered!Reader

Words: 7,611 

Chapter Warnings: Swearing, angst, descriptions of bruises (no colors, just shape and tint), mentions of sleep deprivation and some paranoia, mentions of death, mentions of the joker being the joker, there’s a teen wolf reference, a mention of being held captive and tortured, fluff, a mention of food being withheld

Summary: ❝Tell me Atlas: What is heavier, The world or its people’s hearts?❞ You never expected your life to end up this way, turned upside down by an infamous Gotham villain. It’s been a living hell, every single day, until Dick Grayson brings you to Titans tower where you meet Gar Logan and Jason Todd.

A/N: Hey, look chapter two up on time!! Things pick up in chapter 3, I promise!! I am easily motivated to post more often when I get feedback 😂 The first few chapters take place between season 2 episode 1 and season 2 episode 2. You can add yourself the tag list below, ask me to be tagged, or you can follow my library blog @jasntoddslibrary​ ​ and turn on notifications if you prefer that!!

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The next morning comes around and you’re taking the time you have alone to shower. It’s barely four in the morning so no one else is awake and you’re pretty grateful for that right now. Before going to bed the night before, Rachel stopped back by your room and offered you some clothes she thought would fit okay for the following day. So, you’re the only one awake and figured it'd be really nice to have a proper shower for once. But the shower isn't the relaxing thing you expected.

This is the first time you’ve seen yourself in a mirror since being put into a basement for several months. It's the first time you’ve seen yourself at all but this is also the first time you’re getting a look at how the tower is seeing you. Your right eye has a deep bruise. It looks a little swollen still even though you feel like you can see fine out of it. The cut on your lip is still open and the cut on your cheek is red. Bruises in the shapes of fingers are dark on your biceps, right over the scar on your right bicep. Another bruise in the shape of a shoe is on your back. The more you look the more bruises you find and you wince, finally understanding all of the sympathetic looks you’ve gotten. Not that they know about the bruises across your back and stomach but they saw your arms.

You thought it was so weird Dick wanted to help but seeing yourself in the mirror, you completely understand because if you saw yourself on the street right now, you'd be livid and force that person to come with you. Your head hangs and it's kind of like you understand and a feeling of maybe wanting to tell them what happened comes over you.

If you tell them, maybe the looks will stop because you’re healing and they'll know. It's just kind of an elephant in the room as much you want to avoid it in your head, it's there. And every single time they look at you, they're just going to want the full story. The looks won't stop until they know. And all you can do is sigh because it’s four in the morning and sleeping for an hour has you feeling a lot more feelings that you ever really liked. So, you swallow the lump your throat and go for the shower.

After the shower, you find yourself in the kitchen looking for food. You find some cereal, Cheerios, and otp for that. At this point, you’re not going to complain about whatever cereal you have. Once you have your bowl, you move into the living room and turn the TV on, sitting on the floor at the small coffee table like you used to do when you were a kid. You find Avatar: The Last Airbender on one of the many streaming services connected to the TV and call yourself content.

You eat in peace watching a childhood favorite of yours and it feels easy. You feel at ease here and it feels like it could almost feel like home if you put in a real effort to give it a chance. If you could find a way in yourself to really trust these strangers. It'll be hard but maybe it'll be worth it, early mornings alone in front of TV with some cereal.

By the time six rolls around, the lack of sleep and paranoia has started to catch up to you. This place feels safe but it also feels too good to be true. There’s a little humming in the back of your head, telling you not to trust anyone because anyone can say they’re one thing and be the opposite. You used to be so trusting of people, not naïve or anything like that, but trusting of people in general but now, it’s hard to imagine people just being nice to be nice. What if you fall asleep, really get some sleep, and they turn on you? What if they’re working with him? And he comes to take you back? Maybe you’ll get lucky and everyone will leave the tower so you can get some real peaceful sleep. You’ve gone longer without sleep, you’ll be fine. You’re always fine.

"Good morning." Dick's voice scares you while you’re stood sink washing your bowl.

"Fuck," You groan, turning to look at him. "Do you always sneak up on people?"

Dick chuckles softly. "Sorry, it's a habit, I guess." Dick didn’t think he had been all that quiet.

You roll your eyes before going back to cleaning your dish you used for cereal. You haven't had cereal since you were put into foster care. It wasn't the best cereal or anything, you’re a Trix person but it was a lot better than the chicken noodle soup you’re used to. It felt almost nostalgic and you got to just sit in the living area, watching old cartoons you used to love as a kid, in peace. Until now, with Dick awake anyway.

"Right." You say softly.

Dick watches you from the back as he stands at the kitchen island, taking notice in the coffee cup sitting on the counter behind you and the empty coffee pot off to the side. You seem jumpy, though that might just be you. This is a new place to you and after whatever you’ve been through, it's fair to be a little jumpy but it makes him wonder.

"Did you sleep last night?" He asks, walking over to the coffee pot to make himself a pot.

"'Course." You lie, not looking up from the dish that is definitely clean by now but it's something to do with your hands.

Dick uses the sink to fill up the pot, you glancing at him for just a second. "Hmm." He hums. "More than an hour?"

You pause and let out a sigh. How long has he been doing this? You weren't saying he's good at it but how does he just know shit?

"No." Your voice is filled of shame. "I-i-it's weird, being here."

"It's okay." Dick reassures you as he gets his coffee going. "I didn't sleep much when Bruce brought me home, either."

You start drying your bowl, turning to face him. "What's he like? I mean....was he nice to you? You're here so..."

Dick nods and then shrugs. "He tried his best."

"That's a cop-out for saying he sucked." You raise your brows, resting the bowl to the side before grabbing the spoon and drying it. No one with good parental figures just says they tried their best. But, since Dick is here taking in strays that need help, maybe the Bruce guy didn’t do a terrible job. Even if this whole thing is weird.

Dick chuckles. "It wasn't all bad." Dick leans against the counter, facing you as he waits for his coffee.

"Must be nice." You mutter, a sense of envy comes over you. But it just slipped out. Being jealous doesn’t make a situation better. "Sorry."  You apologize.

"It's okay." Dick assures you. Dick knows he got lucky with Bruce even if Bruce wasn’t the best. Dick still got lucky. "Where ya from?" He asks, trying to change the subject a little bit but still find something out about you.

"Gotham." You roll your eyes. "Fit right in now with all the freaks Gotham breeds, huh?"

"You're not a freak." Dick says calmly.

"Mhm, sPeCiAl." You mock and then Dick catches the hit of a smirk on your face.

"You're a smartass, you know, that?"

You give him a cornered grin. "It's the only thing not damaged about me so far. Gotta hold onto it." You snicker to yourself. "What about you? San Fran?"

Dick shakes his head. "Gotham." Dick goes to grab his coffee that's finished brewing.

"Shut the fuck up." You scoff. Apparently, if people get to escape the hellscape of Gotham, they end up in San Francisco? Literally, across the country which, if you’re being honest, completely makes sense.

"Honest, so is Jason." Dick says, pouring his coffee into a mug.

"Gar?" You raise, wondering if everyone is just fleeing Gotham.

"Ohio."

"Rachel?"

"Michigan."

You hoped finding out where everyone was from would make more sense. Maybe Dick found a bunch of kids who needed to get the hell of out Gotham and brought them across the country? Something? But, finding out it’s just Jason, you’re back to this being weird.

“How did you end up with Gar and Rachel then?” You ask.

“I was detective in Detroit.” Dick explains. “That’s how Rachel found me and then we ended up in Ohio where she met Gar.”

“That somehow clears very little up but okay.” You nod your head. Why did he take Rachel to Ohio? And who the fuck leaves Gotham to go to Detroit? And how the hell did they end up here? Nothing makes sense but you’re just gonna let it go for now. "So, did you and Jason know each other then? Both from Gotham and ended up here, seems like under better circumstances than us."

Dick shakes his head, taking a sip from his mug. "No, we just...know the same guy."

You narrow your eyes at him, grabbing your own mug and taking a sip. Bruce. It sounds stupid to you because you’re just fishing for information now. But, Dick knows a Bruce from Gotham. Bruce Wayne lives in Gotham. Bruce Wayne adopted a Dick Grayson who, if rumor is right, became a detective. Jason can fight, assuming Dick can, too that's a bit weird. Gotham doesn't breed heroes usually.

"So....what? You both raised for Bruce Wayne or something?"

"What makes you think that?" Dick chuckles, wondering why you'd come to that conclusion.

"Your name is Dick and Bruce took in a kid named Dick Grayson like twenty years ago. Rumor was he left to become a detective or something." You state, taking another drink of your coffee. "Kind of public information."

"Yeah," Dick chuckles. "Yeah, Bruce Wayne took me in."

"Interesting." You hum, looking at your dark coffee.

You feel like you’re having a fever dream. You cannot possibly be talking to a fucking Robin. That doesn't make any sense and at this point, you’re completely convinced the sleep deprivation has kicked in. But you’ve done your share of research into Batman and Robin. It's always been this mystery. Who's behind the masks? You don't like mysteries and you could never figure out the motive behind them. Why start saving people if not to kill the real problems of Gotham? It's not like they were taking down petty thieves or something, they were dealing with real grade-A psychos. But, maybe Bruce Wayne makes sense. He has the money to pull it off.

"So...your thing is combat?" You question, silently fact-checking yourself.

"It is." Dick nods once.

"You're older than me...." You trail off and Dick watches you, waiting to see where exactly you’re going with this. He doesn't mind you figuring it out, but he does think it's interesting that you’re openly figuring it out in front of him. Maybe it'll help you trust him a little more.

There are tons of videos and pictures of Batman and Robin fighting the bad guys. One of your past times was watching the Robin-centric ones, something about him being a sidekick seemed odd. He always seemed to hold himself just fine and Batman didn't seem like he needed some sidekick. It was weird but you watched because you were curious who they were and how they could fight. But now you’re here with Dick Grayson who was raised by Bruce Wayne and Dick Grayson is taking in kids with superpowers. And you always thought a new Robin came in at the end. Fighting style was different and there was a big height difference.

"Are you Robin and is Bruce Wayne Batman?" You ask, your voice is a little loud as if to not believe you’re asking that question.

Dick laughs. "You got me." Dick smiles at you. "I'm not Robin anymore, though."

"Jason, right? He took over?" You verify and if this were two years ago, you’d be freaking out. As much as you do not get the whole thing, it was still really cool to be in the same city as Robin and Batman. They’re actual heroes. But, this is now.

"He did." Dick nods, almost impressed you figured it out after less than a day of being at the tower. “How’d you figure it out? Was it that obvious?” He asks.

“No,” You let out a mix of a huff and a laugh. “It was more of a shot in the dark. You shoot enough times, you’re bound to hit something.”

“Alright.” Dick laughs softly. “Fair enough.”

"Cool." You say, pushing off of the counter you were leaning against, choosing to leave with this new information.

"That it?" Dick asks, amused by your reaction.

You pause with a shrug. "Yep." Your word is short and sharp as you go to walk away before stopping. Actually, it bothers you. At the end of the day, Dick Grayson, the original Robin is standing in front of you and it bothers you. It’s cool, of course because he was Robin but above everything, it doesn’t sit right. "Actually, I got a fucking question." You turn to face him.

"Okay." Dick gives you a questionable expression, not sure where the change of tone came from.

"Why didn't you guys just kill the fucking Joker?"

Dick looks down, almost as if he's ashamed of the answer. "We're heroes, we don't kill people."

"Right, okay," You suck in a breath, feeling the fire in your stomach boil and your hands growing warm. "So, as heroes, your response is to just keep letting that fucked up, psycho clown roam around Gotham and keep killing innocent people like some sort of sick Saw movie?" You snap, your voice raising with every word.

In some sick and vengeful way, after your mom was killed, you got it. In a way, you understood how people become villains. Not villains to the actual villains, but villains to the heroes because it is their job to protect those who cannot protect themselves. It is their job and allowing people like The Joker to just keep escaping and killing more and more and more people, that’s not heroism. It’s cowardly.

"It's not like that." Dick sighs, realizing this has backfired greatly. "We can't go around being the judge, jury, and executioner. It's a dangerous road you don't want to go down. Trust me."

"Right, except he didn't kill your parents, right?" You ask, feeling the water brim behind her eyes and then the feeling of hot coffee stings your hands, the mug melting with your grip. The rest of the mug slips from your hands, shattering on the floor.

"Hey," Dick puts his mug down quickly, rushing over to you.

"It's fine." You look at your hands, the glowing of green starts to fade. You walk over to the garbage, tossing the remainder of the mug into the trash. "I'll clean it up, sorry." You barely look at Dick as you grab paper towels, wetting them and ignoring the shaking of your hands.

You always thought you had a lot of control over it or that you would at least notice if you were using your powers but you didn’t. It’s shameful and embarrassing. It was an accident and accidents happen but the very idea of not being able to control your powers just because you’re mad is terrifying. What if you get mad at someone and use your powers and hurt them? 

"It's okay." Dick takes them from you. "I got it. Are you okay?" There are no hints of anger across his face or in his voice. He just looks worried.

"Yeah, I'm fine." You shake your head, no burn or blood in sight, your hands no longer glowing. "It doesn't hurt."

"What happened?" Gar asks, strolling into the kitchen, seeing you and Dick look like you were in the middle of something serious, although you were kind of hard to ignore. It got a little loud at the end of your argument. That’s why Gar is walking in.

"Dropped a mug." You keep your stare on Dick, lying to Gar. You brush past Dick and then past Gar. You just wanna run away from it all. Sometimes, things are too much and you wanna run as fast as your legs will let you go.

"Y/n." Dick calls.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, okay?" You stop just long enough to look back at Dick. "Just let me know when we're leaving." You mutter before walking back down the hallway and to your room.

Gar watches you and then looks back to Dick. He doesn't have any idea what he walked into and now he just feels awkward but he feels bad for you. You seemed really upset and you sounded upset when you were yelling at Dick. He heard you asking Dick if the Joker killed his parents. Of course, Gar knows what happened from last night but hearing that kind of reaction doesn't sit quite right. They're all just a bunch of kids. Kids who don't deserve to be in pain.

"You okay, Dick?" Gar asks walking over to him as Dick cleans up the spilled coffee.

"Yeah, it's okay, Gar." Dick assures him.

Gar nods. "What happened?"

"It was accident." Dick says.

"I mean...I heard you guys. I wouldn't be surprised if you woke up Rachel and Jason, too."

"Shit." Dick sighs, standing back up. "It'll be alright, she's just going through a lot. Just give her some time." Dick gives Gar a soft smile before throwing the paper towels away and grabbing a few more.

Gar nods, looking to the hallway that leads to the bedrooms. Gar knows what it's like to be alone in grief. It's hard and scary. Even having someone to just sit with him would have been easier but he was just thrown into a manor with a bunch of older people who didn't get him. He was only even there because he could suddenly turn into a tiger. Maybe he should leave it alone but he can't. He just wants you to know it's going to be okay.

Gar grabs himself a bowl of cereal and makes a plant-based drink for the morning. He waits in the kitchen, slowly eating as Dick eats his own breakfast. Dick told him to leave you alone and he's not going to do that but he doesn't want Dick to know. He doesn't really like going against what an authority figure says, even though he does it anyway. It's more the getting caught that he doesn't like. But what else is he supposed to do?

After Dick leaves, Gar waits a few more minutes then hops off his chair and heads down the hallway. Dick went the opposite way so Gar walks with ease down the hall and to your room. The door is shut and he can hear the TV playing softly. He picks up his fist and knocks softly. He waits, shifting his weight from his toes to his heels, almost expecting you to either tell him to go away or open the door and slam it. But you don't.

"Hey." Gar gives you a kind smile as you open the door.

"H-hey?" You ask.

Gar sucks in a breath. "Are you okay?" He asks.

You deadpan. "I would be a hell of a lot better if I wasn't asked that again today." You snark, watching the disappointment in Gar's face. "I'm sorry. I--I-do you wanna come in?" You ask, opening the door fully and Gar nods, leaving the door open as he follows you to the couch you and Rachel sat on the night before. "I've got some issues with Robin and Batman." You admit as you sit down.

Gar looks a little too concerned for your liking so you talk. If you talk, maybe he won't be so concerned and a part of you wants to know if it's a you thing. Everyone always seem to love them both, Robin and Batman, and they can do no wrong, they even helped the GCPD. You have thought for a while that maybe your disdain isn't justified and maybe it's not. Maybe killing people, even people like the Joker is wrong but what else is there to do? Because Batman and Robin didn't do anything to fix Arkham. If they don't fix Arkham, what else is there to stop these people like the Joker who get out and they kill every single time without fail? It's like it's a sick little game. He's Jigsaw and Batman is the cop trying to find him, everyone else is stuck playing the Saw games.

Gar nods. "Because the Joker killed your parents?" Gar asks, pretending like he doesn't know anything. "I overheard."

You nod. "My mom. I-uh, I was...I was at the movies with a friend. I got the notification that Joker was out again...killing people....same place my mom was that night." Your chin wrinkles as you swallow the lump in your throat.

That moment, you knew. You called your mom a hundred times but there's a pit that forms in your stomach when you just know someone didn't make it. Someone you care for. It's not anxiety or being pessimistic, there is a pit that grows and you just know. You knew but you called and called and called. The phone rang and rang until it died. Gotham PD showed up on your friend's house the next day and told you. They wanted to take you and do the whole foster care situation right away but your friend's mom convinced them to give you a day with them first. You fled that night. The night your mom died was the last night you ever felt safe. It was the night you felt something that wasn't sad or angry. It was the last night you weren't haunted.

"I'm so sorry, Y/n." Gar's brows wrinkle, the knot in his stomach growing.

You nod, looking away from him as you try to breathe. "Had they just fucking killed him," Your voice breaks as you look back at Gar and you hate it because this is a weakness. You can't seem vulnerable, not around these people because the second you show your vulnerability, it's so much easy to be used and manipulated. But you can't help it. "She would be alive but they just....called Arkham good enough." You pause. "It's not fair." It’s a choked whine that leaves your throat.

You gasp as tears start to flow down your cheeks, the tears burning a few of the cuts on your cheek. Gar moves closer to you and he's hesitant at first because he doesn't know how you'll react but the only thing he knows how to maybe help is to hug you. So, he pulls you into him and wraps his arms around you tightly. You stiffen for a second and it stops you from crying. You haven't been hugged since the night your mom died. It's a weird feeling to have someone hug you but you'd be lying if it didn't feel comforting. And he's very warm and he smells like strawberries and that seems to be the most comforting.

Your favorite fruit is strawberries and every summer, you and your mom would make chocolate-covered strawberries. There isn't a time you can remember when you weren't completely stocked during the summer and it's something you cherish now.  Gar smells like strawberries and that small little thing, is the most comforting thing in the world to you right now. So, you just cave into him, sobbing.

The thing about being held captive and tortured is that it's made you hard. Being captured and tortured changed a part of you. You were never so closed off and calloused, always a bit sarcastic and snarky but not like this. Being held stripped you away of the rawness of emotion. It's like it turned you into this fossilized version of yourself. Hard and cold exterior that would just turn to dust if opened up. You’re only a memory of the person you used to be, sitting here and crying to Gar is just the visual representation of who you were before the big bang. And it hurts, it is agonizing but something about the way he's just letting you cry into him feels cathartic. You’re not in that basement anymore. Your wrists are free. You are free. And you can show all of your emotions without fear of repercussions from it. You’re allowed to be scared and angry and sad and happy. You don't have to hide anymore.

"S-sorry." You pull away, wiping your eye and wincing at the pain from the bruising of your right eye.

"It's okay." Gar assures you, still having his arms around you loosely. "I, uh, I get it." He looks away for a second, pulling his arms back as if realizing he doesn't need to hug you anymore. "My parents died, too."

You watch the normally cheery boy, square his jar and go distant with his stare. "I'm sorry." You sniffle. "What happened?"

Gar sucks in a breath, sitting back against the back of the couch. "Same mysterious disease I had but they didn't make it."

You nod, matching his position and tugging the sleeves over your hands. That explains part of how he ended here. He really doesn’t have anyone, just like you. "I'm really sorry. That sucks."

Gar nods. "Yeah, but, uh, it's okay because I'm here and this is a family. It's not the same but," Gar tilts his head back and forth a few times, looking for the words. "It's really nice if you give it a chance. Dick isn't out to get you or any of us." 

"I didn't mean what I said." You say honestly. "I mean, I want the Joker dead, he's a fucking piece of shit sad excuse of a human but...I mean just about Dick. He's been nice."

Gar offers you a side smile. "Yeah, he's a cool dude." Gar chuckles softly. “He kind of takes getting used to, too.” Gar jokes a little. Dick sometimes comes off as cold but Gar has kind of figured that’s just what being raised by Bruce gets you. Jason is like that, too and Gar doesn't think it’s a coincidence. 

"Thank you." You give him a sad and small smile. "You're like...a really nice person."

Gar huffs with a chuckle, looking away from you and all he can think is that someone has to be nice around here. Dick is sometimes...well a dick. Jason is an asshole. Rachel sometimes can be a little bit of a bitch to Dick and Jason, usually deserved but a bitch nonetheless. He has to be the nice one even if he wanted to get nasty. That would just cause more tension and Gar doesn't like tension.

"Thanks." Gar sighs, looking around your room. "Are you gonna decorate today?" He asks looking back to you, changing the subject and hoping to make you feel better.

You shrug a shoulder. "I dunno. Not sure if Dick really wants to take me shopping after that." You laugh softly. "I don't know how I feel about it, anyway. Feels....really fucking weird."

"Yeah," Gar nods in agreement. "But he just wants you to have a space of your own, that's what he told Rachel and me when he took us in. He'll give you a spending limit."

"Is this Annie or something?" You quip.

Gar tilts his head back with a laugh. "Well, it's a hard 'nough life for us." Gar says with a smile.

You let out a genuine laugh and it makes Gar's face light up. Your laugh is bubbly and loud, almost booming. It's a bit contagious actually and it makes Gar have a little bit of a sigh of relief. If you’re laughing, there's hope for you, especially after that whole talk you just had. You’re funny.

"You're funny, ya know?" You ask once your laughter calms down.

"Oh..." Gar shifts his sheet, feeling the heat rise to his cheeks. "You, uh, you think so?" He gains a cheesy and awkward smile making you giggle a little.

"Yeah! Of course, I do." You smile sweetly at him.

"Hey, do you wanna play Xbox?" Gar asks, enthusiasm in his voice. He likes talking to you and you seem like you’re doing better talking. Plus, video games are what Gar always uses to escape from all the shit, maybe it’ll help you.

"I have literally never played Xbox in my life." You blink at him before gaining a smirk.

"Excuse me?" Gar's eyes widen. How have you never played Xbox? He's certain it's the best gaming system to exist.

"Always a big fan of PlayStation." You laugh, finding his shocked expression funny. He does wear his emotions on his sleeve. "But...I guess I could make an exception for you." You give him a corned grin, watching him shift again. Something about certain things you say make him nervous and you kind of like the bubbles that form in your stomach when it happens.

"Okay, okay." Gar stands up quickly, gesturing for your to follow his lead. "I'll change your mind."

You do as he directs. "You have a lot of confidence." You pat his shoulder.

Gar's eyes narrow slightly. "I...can't tell if you're being serious."

You laugh once more. "Eh, half and half." You shrug a shoulder.

"Right." Gar nods, keeping his eyes narrow but there's a smile tugging at his lips. "Come on." He nods his head in the direction of the door, reaching for your hand. You take it without hesitation and he leads you  to his room.

The day goes by, Dick looking for you, he finds you with Gar in his room a few hours later. You had left the door open so it wasn't too hard to find you. You were both yelling, very excitedly at the TV and when Dick found you, you were plopped in two chairs beside each other, a control in each hand. You both were laughing and Dick never would have known you were new to the tower by how comfortable you looked and it gave him some hope. There's some type of hope for you. No one is ever just some lost cause. Dick hated to break it up but Jason and Rachel were already waiting for Gar in the training room.

While the others trained, Dick and you went on your shopping run. Dick took you to a few stores to pick out a few outfits, pajamas, training clothes, and just a few things for your room. It was weird for you to just be out in the open, shopping as if you weren't just held captive the day before. But, something about Dick did feel safe. Maybe it was the fact he was Robin. He might have helped the Joker stay alive by simply not killing him, but he did put him away several times. And, now you have somewhere to run to if Jerry happens to show up.

But that's not all. It was just bizarre to have this stranger buy you things. You were never one that really liked accepting things from people like this. Presents, sure. Everyone likes presents but this just felt like charity and it took everything in you to refrain from snarky comments the whole time. But you did it and you had a good time. You got some take out and you got to actually have one of your favorite take out foods. Dick didn't ask about how much you lit up at the thought of it for lunch, he already had an idea why. He figured maybe it'd be better to leave all of that alone and just have a few hours to let you just be.

"So," Dick asks as he drives them back to the tower.

"So." You state, looking over at him. He just has this look like he wants to ask questions. "Okay." You sigh. "Ask the question you want and I will not give you a bullshit answer."

Dick chuckles. "Alright," He nods. "How much control do you have of your powers?"

You look ahead of them as your light turns red. "This much." You open the palms of your hands, the palms turning green. Then, you close them, the green fading. You do this a few times with ease, ending with spirit fingers, your hands glowing a neon green. "Why?"

Dick's brows are furrowed. "Just curious, how do you do that?" He pauses. "What about the mug this morning?"

"Control or the whole acid thing?" You shrug, looking in front of you. "And apparently, my mom and the Joker are major triggers, learn something new every day, I guess."

"Understandable. And both, I guess."

"Uh...control well. I was traumatized." You scoff. "Control is easy when you're in a life or death situation. I mean...like learning it. Don't have a fucking choice if you wanna live. The acid though, uh-huh." You shrug. "I think about it I guess and then it just happens."

You remember when you found out you could produce acid. You were mad at Jerry for injecting you and then getting mad at you for it. It was about seven months after living with him and at that point, you were just so sick and tired of it all. All you wanted was to rip Jerry’s throat out with your bare hands. And then, your hands starting glowing, acid leaking from your palms. It was a shock, for sure, but it was a bigger shock that Jerry didn’t realize the chemical burn on the floor was from you. He just thought he spilled something and hadn’t noticed it prior. You considered some kind of weird luck. From there, it was just making sure it never happened in front of him.

Dick hums to himself. "Think you could try and show Rachel how you control it?"

"Uh...sure?" You question him. "Isn't that like...your job, Bat Boy?"

"I don't have powers like you guys." Dick states, the light turning green. "Rachel's powers are just really strong and she's had a lot happen recently."

"I have heard." You sigh. "I mean...I can try." There's a sense of empowerment you feel with Dick asking for help with Rachel. He trusts you, at least a little bit which is kind of nice. "I-it's just...I-I melted a mug today. I don't have that much control, apparently."

He nods with understanding. "You have enough to help."

"Well, alright then. Does that mean I get to learn to fight?" You give him a hopeful smile. 

"How are you feeling?"

"Great." You give him a thumbs-up even though he’s watching the road.

"Are you lying?"

"Yes, yes I am." You laugh softly. "Uh....my face is still pretty sore. Arms and legs still feel a bit weak...." Your eyes go distant as you stare in front of you, flashbacks of the torture clouding your vision and the endless cycle of either not being given food or given the bare minimum.

"You need to get better first." Dick states, his voice unwavering.

"Shouldn't I still be preparing though? Like...I don't know. Small stuff."

"Not yet."

You sigh but don't fight him. Jason owes you one for the bet. If Dick doesn't think you’re strong enough to at least learn something, you'll just ask him. He don't seem like one to follow the rules anyway. It’s just a precaution to protect yourself, just in case.

When you get back to the tower, Dick helps you bring your stuff to your room. It's not a lot by any means, just some clothes, a few vinyls, and some art for your walls. Dick leaves you to yourself and you look around your room, gaining a genuine, happy smile. This is your space to make yours so you get to work.

You dig out a Fall Out Boy vinyl from one of the bags and put it on the record player that was already in your room. You turn it up as loud as it will go, the sound of music feeling almost riveting. Another thing you’ve missed more than you actually realized and then you start getting your room together.

A few hours go by and your room is coming along. You’ve moved a few things around and got your posters hung up. It doesn't feel quite like home yet but Dick said if you stay, you can get more stuff to make it more yours later. So, this is a start and it fills your chest with a sense of warmth as you look around until there's a knock on your door. You turn the music down before opening the door and you’re met by Gar in a green pullover and black joggers.

Gar's eyes glance behind tiy and then back to you. "Hey, uh." He scratches the back of his neck. "We do movie night in the living room sometimes, did you wanna join? Rachel and Jason are in there now."

"Uh..." You stutter. They do movie nights? Is this really some found family shit? The way everyone talks about Jason you find it a little hard to believe he'd actually part-take in any group activity that didn't involve punching each other. But you don't have anything to lose. If you want to stay, that also involves effort from you and Gar will be there. "Sure." You give a soft smile before walking over to your bed and grabbing Gar's hoodie. "Thanks." You hand it back to him and he gives you a closed smile, raising the fabric to say you’re welcome.

"Anytime." Gar smiles, jerking his head towards the living room. "I'm gonna put this away, meet you in here?"

"Okay." You say with ease before turning on your heels, heading down the hallway and Gar can't help but watch you with a goofy smile.

You just have on black sweatpants and a pink hoodie but you look comfortable and you didn't look annoyed when you opened the door. That seems to be your general state of mind, annoyed. From what Gar has seen. Of course, you’ve loosened up when he's talked to you but you always looks very annoyed beforehand.

You walk into the living room seeing Rachel all the way to the left and Jason sitting all the way to the right, facing the fireplace. They truly could not be any more apart, eyes on the TV that's mounted above the fireplace and you find it a little comedic. They must really hate each other. So, you take a seat by Jason, mostly because you think it's funny to bug him and you could just tell sitting by him would irritate him. Plus, that leaves room for Gar to sit on the other side between you and Rachel.

"Can I fucking help you?" Jason snarks as he looks to you.

"What're we watching?" You ask, an innocent smile pulling at your lips.

"It's Jason's turn so probably something gory." Rachel remarks with wide eyes laced with annoyance.

Jason turns to face you, which moves him a little too close to you. His eyes look you up and down, just once before landing on your eyes. "Don't worry, if you get scared, I'll protect you."

Rachel nearly rolls her eyes into the back of her head with Jason's comment, fake gagging while you sit with your mouth slightly ajar, nose scrunched and forehead wrinkled. You sit somewhere between appalled and grossed out. This kid surely has never dated a single human. There's just no fucking way with the lines he pulls. But you shut your eyes for a second, choosing to not even play into that game. Instead, you’re gonna play your own.

"What movies were you thinking?" You ask, matching Jason's position, knee bent and flat on the couch, you facing him as your knees touch.

Jason gains a smirk in just the left corner of his mouth. "We could watch Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Hostel, or Saw IV."

His stare is directly at you and it's a taunt. But you find it funny, not even bothered by the distaste of his comment, in fact, he plays into your hand. He thinks you need protecting from a horror movie and that of all people here, you'd go to him? When Gar is right there?

"Texas is a classic, assuming you don't mean the shitty ass remake from 2003. Hostel's alright if you're into Eli Roth. Saw series has always been good gore. Never quite cross that line into torture porn." You smile at him, it's a sweet smile while you lean your elbow on the back of the couch and Rachel sits behind you completely entertained. All she can think is that they needed someone who can match Jason's energy.

Jason's face softens, just for a split second. Your response caught him off guard and he was so sure you'd be against watching any of those. He thought maybe he'd get a rise out of you for suggesting them or offering to protect you or maybe get something better than that out of it. But all he got was whatever that was. It was his turn and those were the three he was considering but Gar and Rachel don't really like the movies. He assumed you wouldn't either, especially if what they found on the computer the night before means what they think it means.

Gar comes in a few seconds later, seeing you and Jason facing each other in a way that almost seems like some weird face-off staring contest at this point. He glances at Rachel who shrugs but she has a smirk that's begging to be broken into a laugh. Just a tint of burning coats Gar's stomach as he sees the two of you and he knows what it is but he pushes it down. He shakes his head and walks up to you.

"Everything okay?" He asks, his voice cautious as he looks between the two of you before sitting on the opposite side of you.

"Fine," Jason mumbles, finally breaking the stare and sitting normally on the couch before grabbing the remote. "Saw it is."

"Ugh, why do you always pick gory movies, dude?" Gar groans, tilting his head back.

"Don't like gore?" You ask with a laugh.

"You do?!" Gar's head shoots back up, a grimace on his face. He doesn't mind it in older films, the effects weren't great then. But the newer ones tend to turn his stomach. Horror is great, but gore? Not Gar's favorite.

"Yeah, of course. They're fun." You shrug, switching to sit forward, pulling your legs up under you and Gar keeps the grimace on his face. "What?"

"He doesn't know why anyone wants to volunteer to watch gore." Rachel snickers.

"Because you can shut the movie off whenever you get too scared and the effects are cool." You shrug and it makes Gar give you a shy smile. "I can hold your hand if you want?" If you said it to Jason, it would have been sarcastic and rude but with Gar, it was a genuine and sincere offer.

Gar's cheeks burn with the offer and his stomach flips, unlike you and Rachel, he didn't find the offer a bit cringey or lame. Your smile is gentle and sweet like honey until you realize that you just pulled what Jason did and it seems you realize it the same time Jason does.

"Did you just take my fucking line?" Jason scoffs.

"No, yours was weird, mine was nice." You retort, internally kicking yourself for it.

"It's okay." Gar whisper, shifting in his seat a little. He was never really good about things that might be flirting or not flirting and just being nice. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." You smile softly at him, your heart sinking a little.

"Okay, turn on the movie." Rachel looks between the three of you, not sure what the hell is going on there and not even wanting to know.

Jason turns the movie on without any further argument. The four of you settle into your spots as the movie starts to play and despite the fact you’ve been at the tower for just over twenty-four hours now, you feeling pretty comfortable around them. The three of them make it easy. None of them feel threatening, even with two of them having powers. They don't feel "special" as Dick put it. All three of them just feel normal and normalcy is something you’ve craved for two years.

And then there's Gar who can't keep his eyes on the moving, partially because he finds the gore a bit nauseating but also because he can feel you glance at him every now and then. He can't tell if the glances are because he doesn't like the movie so maybe you’re checking on him which is a strange thought, that's kind of his job. Or maybe it's because he's sitting too close to you, he doesn't feel like he is. When Gar looks over, it looks like he's sitting just as far away as Jason is so maybe that isn't it. The one thing he does know is that he doesn't mind you glancing at him.

The lack of sleep for you, however, is definitely catching up to you. Your eyes are weighed down, heart rate is slowing down and you just feel like maybe you could rest your eyes for a few minutes. Saw IV isn't even one of your favorite Saw movies, you won't miss much. And the next thing Gar knows, your head falls onto his shoulder. He straightens his back quickly when it happens, catching him off guard but then he looks at you, asleep and he doesn't have the heart to wake you up. A caring small comes to Gar's lips as he looks back to the TV and he kind of likes your head on his shoulder. Maybe it means you trust him and after everything, he can only imagine what you’ve been through, that's kind of a big deal on day two.

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series masterlist | masterlist | tag list

Tag list: @italiana-20 // @fairyofshampoo // @jasontoddsmentaldisorders​

[shrinkthisviolet]

barrisco or thallen (because I have massive thallen brainrot right now lol) and "While I appreciate that you did that for me, I don't appreciate the fact that you nearly died because of it." or "You jumped in front of a bullet!" - "And I'd do it again." for the otp prompt ask thingy please?

Thallen brainrot? Happy to help! I used both dialogue bits for this 🥰 (and it got long, so…under the cut):

It had all happened so fast...Barry, grappling with Thawne, a gunshot, Iris's anguished scream...

"Eddie!" His grip loosened on Thawne as he turned, horrified because that was...

That was blood.

"Barry? Barry!"

No, no, not like this! There was so much he hadn't yet said, so much he wanted to say—

"Barry, open your eyes!"

He'd never gotten to tell Eddie how much...

How much he...

"It's okay, Barry."

No, it's not okay, how can anything ever be—?

"Barry." And then he finally placed the voice. "Barry, it's okay. I'm right here. I'm fine."

And then...then Barry realized his eyes were closed, and he opened them.

And there was Eddie, sitting next to him with a sad smile. "Hey, Flash. You scared us all for a minute there."

Eddie was...he was...but how...? "Eddie, how are you—?"

"Something weird happened," Eddie admitted. "The bullet ripped through me, but then..." he pulled his shirt aside—his clean shirt—to reveal...a healing bullet wound?

"Eddie," Barry breathed, "that's...that's incredible."

Eddie nodded, smile dimming a bit at that. "It's...I guess that makes me a meta too, huh?"

"I guess so," Barry agreed. "That's...is that bad?"

"No!" Eddie said quickly. "No, I just mean...I feel even worse now. About...everything. How I talked about the Flash, most of all.”

"Don't." Feeling brave, Barry reached out and squeezed Eddie's hand. "Water under the bridge. I promise."

Eddie smiled wryly. "You're very forgiving, Barry Allen."

"This coming from you? Nah, you have me beat. You forgave me for...well, that time I went off the rails." It scared him to remember how, how close he'd come to...

To killing him. All for what? Iris was never going to love him any more if he’d killed Eddie.

"Well, so did I," Eddie reminded him, "and you helped me out. Not to mention...I spent months before that hating you. We're even now."

"Eddie—"

"We're even," Eddie said firmly.

"Except we're not," Barry argued, "because Eddie...you jumped in front of a bullet!"

“Technically I shot the bullet.”

"That's not funny."

"No," Eddie agreed, sobering, "sorry. I just mean...I'm fine. You can see I'm fine. And I'd do it again. To save your life? Come on, Bar. That's a no-brainer."

Barry blushed at that. "Even after everything?"

"Especially because of everything," Eddie retorted, smiling. "Now come on. Wells—or Thawne, I guess—is locked up, and everyone's waiting in the Cortex. I figured you'd want a minute alone to..."

"Yeah," Barry agreed, smiling as Eddie helped him up. "Thanks. And...Eddie?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for…everything really, but...if you ever do that again—"

Eddie laughed. "I won't, scout's honor."

“Eddie, seriously. While I appreciate that you did it for me...I don't appreciate the fact that you nearly died because of it."

Eddie's smile faded as he looked Barry in the eye, and he nodded seriously. "Okay. I guess we'll just have to figure these powers out, then, huh?"

"I guess we will," Barry said, smiling. "You, me, Iris...and the whole rest of the Team too."

"Sounds like a solid plan to me."

Yeah. Barry smiled. It does.

prompt list!

[homeformyheart]

Hellooo! I saw in one of your anon responses that you take requests so... how about a Beckett fic revolving around the Physical Affection prompts? #9, #13, and #22

(and maybe 39 from 45 OTP Angst Prompts?)

An idea I had was that MC had a really rough Thief game and Beckett comforts/takes care of her :)

Love your writing!! <3

thank you for the request and for the ideas! I enjoyed writing this :)

author’s note: thank you for the request, @itsjustwinter. i don’t think I’ve ever written thief game dynamics or magical healing, so hopefully it’s all believable. enjoy! copyright: all characters owned by pixelberry studios. series/pairing: the elementalists – beckett harrington x f!mc (celeste russell) rating/warnings: 13+; fluff, comfort word count: ~750 based on/prompt: physical affection prompts // 9. wiping away someone’s tears, 13. kissing someone’s forehead, 22. kissing someone’s cuts/bruises/scratches & angst OTP prompts // 39. “Just let me help you.” (in bold) summary: beckett takes care of celeste’s injuries after a thief game.

healing kisses

beckett gripped the edge of his seat, knuckles turning white as he watched celeste and griffin fend off the opposing team’s players back-to-back. normally, he enjoyed watching celeste play – she was a gifted athlete and incredibly talented – but today he could tell she was struggling.

the other team was putting up more of a fight than expected – perhaps penderghast had gotten complacent, being back-to-back champions, but he suspected they were specifically targeting celeste and trying to tire her out early. he gritted his teeth at the obviously dirty tactics being used that were borderline illegal and holding his breath that celeste would come out unscathed.

he glanced up at the big screen and could see her mouth fall open in a cry he couldn’t hear as a wave of fire and water magick intertwined and slammed into her. griffin tried to raise the earth in front of them into a wall but he wasn’t fast enough. the water slammed them both against the trees behind them, carrying away griffin’s flag, but as he disappeared, the fire flew directly at celeste.

she raised one hand and a stream of water followed, colliding with the fire and generating a cloud of steam that hid her from view. it didn’t matter though, because her flag had been taken and the game was over.

beckett stood and made his way down the bleachers toward the field, his vision tunneling around his girlfriend clutching her arm to her chest.

“you’re crying, where does it hurt?” he asked, trying to keep his voice steady.

he cupped her face with his hands, wiping away her tears with his thumb.

“my arm, it got scratched up pretty bad,” celeste winced at the pain from the deep red gashes cutting across her arm. “i should probably go to the hospital wing.”

“can you walk? we should get back to your room and then i can take care of that,” beckett said hurriedly, trying to help celeste to her feet.

“beckett, i’ll be fine once i go to the hospital wing. there’s no need for you to fuss,” celeste tried to argue. she was an all-powerful attuned and a few scratches was nothing compared to past injuries.

beckett reached for her hand and intertwined his fingers with hers. “just let me help you. please,” he said quietly, and celeste gave him a resigned nod.

he leaned in to give her a soft kiss on her forehead before leading her back to the dorms. as the adrenaline wore off, the pain and soreness seemed to settle in deeper. celeste let out a loud sigh once they were inside and she quickly sank down into their couch.

beckett pulled out a small container from his pocket before taking his jacket off and rolling up his sleeves. celeste eyed the container warily as he begins scooping out a waxy substance onto his fingers.

“what is that?”

beckett squeezed her hand gently and extended her arm out in front of him. “it’s a healing balm for scrapes, bruises, those types of injuries,” he said, gaze laser-focused on assessing all of her cuts.

“okay, but why do you just carry that around?”

he looked up and his eyes softened. “i don’t ever want to feel helpless when you’re hurt or injured. after last year’s events, i thought it would be prudent to carry around some basic healing supplies.”

celeste grinned, her cheeks flushing pink. “you can’t say something like that and not kiss me, beckett.”

he raised an eyebrow at her and kisses the back of her hand where it rests in his before softly kissing up her arm, taking care to graze every noticeable cut and bruising spot. celeste’s breath hitched as he approached her shoulder, his kisses starting to linger as he worked his way up her neck and jaw. the soreness in her muscles seemed to dissipate with each kiss.

her eyes fluttered closed as he kissed her cheek, and then her nose, before they opened at the feel of his lips on her forehead. he pulled away to look at her arm again, briefly looking up to notice her pout in disappointment.

“you didn’t actually kiss me, beckett,” she said, tapping a finger against her lips.

“just let me finish applying this and then i will kiss you senseless,” he said softly, the corner of his lips turning up into a smirk.

“i’m holding you to that, beckett harrington,” she said, watching beckett finish applying the balm and inspect the rest of her body for injuries.

* * * * * taglist: @choicesficwriterscreations; @robintora; @miss-smrxtiee; @eleanorbloom; @itsjustwinter; @mm2305;

[im-gettingby]

30 Days of Carry On

posted (and written by?) @captain-aralias

(I’m doing most of these at once because I said so. it’s long so under the cut)

1. Favourite major character

I literally thought — Simon no Baz no Penny no, Agatha!

I guess I will pick Simon, since I relate to him the most — or at least, my connection to him led me into the fandom.

2. Favourite minor character

I think we all know this one 🐑🐑🐑

I have written many a treatise on Lamb Rights. I’ll spare everyone now

3. Character you relate to the most

Oops— I already answered this, kinda. I relate to them in different ways: I relate a lot to WS Simon because he has abandonment issues and “kid who was told he was extraordinary and then grew up to be ordinary” issues. We also both have a “fix all the things for everyone” complex, too.

Baz — It took me a while to get into Baz’s head, but I would say, I relate to him because of his intense emotional world and tendency to see the world through an intensely romantic/tragic lens. But also he’s a Pisces. and I’d never do that like a Pisces does. (Sorry, not sorry.)

4. Which character would you like to go to lunch with?

SHEPARD obviously. I don’t feel the need to elaborate.

5. Favourite non-Snowbaz ship

Ooh! Probably Lamb/Baz or Simon/Shep or just...literally anything. Like, I will read anything as long as it’s well written. The weirder the better. (Within...legal and moral limits.) in my other fandoms I’ve been a big multishipper and there’s not a lot of options for that in CO - which is fine - but wholeheartedly support rarepairs :D

6. Favourite non-romantic OTP

So, obviously Simon/Penny and Baz/Penny are great ones, but I think the nearest & dearest to my heart is Simon/Agatha. The kind of siblings/unwillingly dating/weird exes dynamic and the way they both shaped each other’s lives is just so interesting. And while Simon & Penny are closer, Agatha and Simon represent their aspirational selves to one another. And the way that they were both tied to one another along with their gender roles/places in society and both broke away at the same time is just...mwah

7. Favourite Baz outfit

I honestly dress kinda like Baz. Anything involving a printed silk shirt or a floral brocade suit, so like, all of them? I love WS Baz, his fashion sense is so thoughtful yet fun. He’s so expressive with it — in the sense of both being guarded, being sexy, and playing with masculinity/femininity.

8. How do you feel about Wayward Son?

In case it wasn’t obvious, I absolutely love it. I mean, from a writing/narrative standpoint, I don’t think it’s the most elegant or engaging book ever written, but it’s just so raw and fresh. I don’t see many examples of an author trying to do what Rainbow did, which is build a complex emotional AND plot-driven story with so many characters and so much lore. I’m very excited for AWTWB.

9. Favourite scene from Carry On, besides Chapter 61

I like what the book does/sets up overall. Honestly probably the first scene, where Simon walks to the bus stop & takes the train and just thinks about his life and makes lists -- I love Simon. I know Rainbow said she thinks that bit is boring, but it honestly says so much about his character in a short time. (and he’s an extremely complex character!) Also, Baz’s dramatic entrance. Also, the chapter where Baz says “and I’m hopelessly in love with him” because it’s just so dramatic, and it comes out of nowhere

10. Favourite scene from Wayward Son, besides Chapter 41

Baz and Lamb’s journey across the Strip - vampire lore, jealous Simon, Baz getting to be his own character— it’s beautiful.

11. Remind us about something in canon readers might have forgotten about

Ahahaha um. Simon says he thinks Baz’s cousin Marcus is fit. That’s pretty funny.

12. What are your hopes and fears for Any Way the Wind Blows?

I don’t have any hopes because I don’t want to be disappointed - and that’s not a cynical thing, I just want to go into it with an open mind. (I’ll take a break from fandom and reread the books beforehand so I’m (more of) a blank slate) I guess just...interesting emotional journeys, whatever that ends up being. There’s a lot that Rainbow has to do in the book and I don’t think any one person could get through all of it -- that’s why we have fanfiction.

Fears? I don’t know. I think just...the series ending. Even though I’ve been in fandom for less than a year I just really love this fandom & the thought of that kind of eroding away is sad. But also I don’t think that will happen immediately, and change is a part of life. I’ve never related as much to Cath as I do now :’)

13. An unpopular/cracky opinion you hold

unpopular: Lamb is the best character; I don’t want Simon to get his magic back; both Simon and Baz should have other romantic options.

14. Something from your head fanon

Hmmmmmmm well. Just mean things about Baz really. Like that he’s weird looking, not that great at football, and actually has kind of garish fashion sense. (which is a self-roast as well - see above.) I just feel like Simon/fandom put him on a pedestal, and Simon’s an unreliable narrator re: Baz anyway. So I like the idea that Baz is this average looking kinda strange nerdy guy who is everything Simon has ever wanted in life.

And before you tell me that Baz was hot at Watford and Agatha was into him, have you ever been to a tiny boarding school? Standards get weird 😂😂😂 and Terry being into him — come on. The guy’s a violent pervert.

also - back to Watford being a tiny school. Baz doesn’t have much competition to be the star of the football team. (also, does anyone except Simon even think that he is?)

16. Favourite location other than Watford

Vegas!

17, Favourite location in Watford

I’m pretty bad at Watford lore/geography bc again, I’m way more into WS. Probably the floor in the Cloisters where everything happens the same way, just a day later. There’s a fic there, but I can’t wrap my head around all the time travel implications enough to write it.

18. What would be your favourite subject at Watford?

Any potions-esque subject because I loved chemistry lab. Latin because I loved Latin in school. Uhhhh I don’t like history class, so not that — maybe a literature course focused on the derivation of spells.

19. What would your magical implement be?

Ooh! This is a good one. I’d like to think it would be a weird body piercing. Or a belt a la Gareth. Maybe some kind of traditional south Asian jewelry, like a nose chain or mang-tikka or something. maybe a hat. like, imagine your magical instrument being a fedora and you just have to...wear a fedora all the time.

21. Favourite canon spell

Hm. Kiss it better? Candle in the wind?I should try to think of a non-horny one. honestly they’re all so cool and clever - I love the magic system in CO/WS.

22. What would your eighth year spell at Watford be or do?

Maybe something from a poem I love. That would probably be pretty but not very functional. Or a healing spell.

23. Who would you want as your roommate?

Agatha is uptight, Penny is passive aggressive, Simon is a slob, Baz is both uptight and passive aggressive.

Definitely Shepard.

24. Favourite item of merchandise, official or unofficial

My @subparselkie sticker

25. Favourite book cover design

WS. Oh, another unpopular opinion - I don’t like the kevin wada cover of carry on. their faces look so weird and the colors don’t work for me. I own the version with the blue and yellow cover art instead

26. Do you want a movie? If yes - any fan casts for the movie?

Probably wouldn’t want a movie! Because I am way too possessive of these books/this version of the story. And I am historically extremely disappointed by adaptations — I get upset with the smallest of changes 😂

27. If they made a movie, what scenes do you think they’d cut that you’d be furious were missing?

See above. A LOT haha

28. If you could ask Rainbow Rowell one question, what would it be? (If you have already, you can share if you like)

What is Lamb’s full name????? Is it actually Lamb Lambert Lamborghini the third???

What is Rainbow’s relationship with sheep and goats. Why are there so many references to them

29. Have you read any of Rainbow’s other books?

Only Fangirl

30. How did you get into Carry On and/or Carry On fandom?

I read fangirl & the pages at the end mentioned carry on, so I read that, and enjoyed it but I wasn’t obsessed. Then I read WS spring 2020, reread it a bunch of times, reread CO, freaked out about the cliffhanger/cool vampire stuff/unresolved sexual tension, had pandemic cabin fever, got on AO3, and the rest is history.

As @annabellelux knows, I wrote my first (published) fanfic after reading her amazing fic Drop The Game. and the first fanfic I read was @captain-aralias’ Greener Grass. I was so obsessed that about a month later, I searched through the AO3 tags for it, because I couldn’t remember the title or author but kept thinking about it.

[malevolcnt]

otp tags inspired by taylor swift’s folklore (2020)

otp: all along there was some invisible string tying you to me

otp: all this time we walked a very thin line

otp: are there still beautiful things?

otp: chase two girls lose the one

otp: clandestine meetings and longing stares

otp: cross your heart won’t tell no other

otp: cutting me open then healing me fine

otp: do i deserve the hell you give me?

otp: don’t want no other shade of blue but you

otp: for you i would ruin myself

otp: hell was the journey but it brought us heaven

otp: i am the ash from your fire

otp: i can see us in twisted bed sheets

otp: i could never give you peace

otp: i don’t know anything but i know i miss you

otp: i knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs

otp: i know i’ll curse you for the longest time

otp: i never needed anything more

otp: i would die for you in secret

otp: if i’m on fire you’ll be made of ashes too

otp: if my wishes come true it would be you

otp: if you want me you really should show

otp: i’m a fire and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm

otp: it still hurts underneath these scars

otp: it would’ve been sweet if it could’ve been me

otp: living for the hope of it all

otp: look at this godforsaken mess we made

otp: love you to the moon and to saturn

otp: patch these broken wings

otp: some things you just can’t speak about

otp: still trying everything to keep you looking at me

otp: tell yourself you can always stop

otp: the greatest loves of all time are over now

otp: the rain is always gonna come if you’re standing with me

otp: the worst thing i ever did was what i did to you

otp: try to change the ending

otp: we have a marvelous time ruining everything

otp: we never painted by the numbers

otp: we were something don’t you think so?

otp: what we did was just as dark

otp: will you miss me once the thrill expires?

otp: would you have me? would you want me?

otp: you are not like the regulars

otp: you draw stars around my scars

otp: you have beaten my heart

otp: you put chains around my demons

otp: you were never mine

otp: your faithless love’s the only hoax i believe in

otp: you’re a flashback in a film reel

[inabottlelikelightning]

chapter 8 is up, and.... it’s a big one. happy holidays, everyone! :) hope you enjoy!

Chapters: 8/13 Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken, Theo Raeken & The Pack, Theo Raeken & Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall & Theo Raeken, Minor or Background Relationship(s) Characters: Liam Dunbar, Theo Raeken, Mason Hewitt, Scott McCall (Teen Wolf), Stiles Stilinski, Malia Tate, Liam Dunbar's Mother, Liam Dunbar's Father, Kira Yukimura Additional Tags: okay this is my first stab at writing so I don't know how to tag, bear w me pls I promise I'll improve, Hurt Theo Raeken, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst and Humor, I use the term humor here pretty loosely, what can i say i think im funny, lets see if anyone else does, Childhood Trauma, Canon-Typical Violence, Torture, Homelessness, Uncomfortable Conversations with One's Parents, Hunters, Pack Dynamics, Pack Feels, Pack Bonding, McCall Pack, Misunderstandings, God I love that tag, Anchors, Yeah you know where this is going, Theo Raeken is Liam Dunbar's Anchor, Liam Dunbar is Theo Raeken's Anchor, they're cute i don't make the rules, Good Theo Raeken, Healing, Coming Out, kind of, you'll see - Freeform, Acceptance, Found Family, god these tags are a mess, i'll fix them later it's fine, Homeless Theo Raeken, Apparent Passionate Lovemaking in the Bread Aisle, Idiots in Love, Friends to Lovers, Theo Raeken's Redemption Arc, Soulmates, like soulmates don't exist but they're soulmates :), Mutual Pining, The Inherent Eroticism of Napoleonic Battle Tactics, Liam Dunbar vs Public Decency, The Mystery of How Liam Hid Being a Werewolf For So Long Remains a Mystery, Theo Raeken's Criminally Distracting Stubble, OTP: Liam Dunbar and his Pie, Unbothered Attitude or Hypothermia-Induced Loss of Sensation? Liam is Unsure, Lunar Magick and Astral Projections, Liam's Diet Consists ONLY of Pie and Hot Chocolate, Tenderness-Induced Cardiac Arrest, Vision Boards as Stress Relief, Toothpaste as a Hate Crime, Theo Raeken Backstory, Theo Raeken's Absolutely Horrifying Internal Monologue, Does It Count as Self-Harm If You Know It Will Grow Back, Waking Up To Three Mystery Corpses In Your Bathroom, And Then Immediately Going Back to Sleep, Emotional Revelations in Disgusting Bathtubs, Inadvisable and Horribly Violent Stapler Use, We Didn't Start the Fire Plays in the Background, My Little Pony Crop Tops, Why Theo Is No Longer Allowed at Panda Express, Deep Fried Flip Phones, Road Trips, OTP: Theo Raeken and His Trusty Stapler, Stiles Stilinski's Secret Stash of Prison Cheetos, What We Say About Coincidences, Snorting Lines of Wolfsbane Off The Hood of Your Father Figure's Car, Deductive Reasoning, Chemistry and Crystallization as Taught By Lydia Martin, surprise character cameos, Finding Our Your Childhood Friend Was Temporarily Part of the Mafia, The Trauma That We Understand and the Trauma That We Don't, Surprisingly Accurate Science, Alternate Universe - Not Everyone Lives But Definitely Some People Live, Because It Was Dumb That They Died in Canon and I Make the Rules Here Summary:

Even with Theo's perverted-supernatural healing, spending a good part of his supernatural adolescence being cut open on a surgical table by the Dread Doctors, over and over again, without any anesthetic, leaves marks. Maybe not physical ones, but scars don't need to be on the outside to hurt. Theo's not worried, because he stopped hurting a long time ago.

(Or: Theo doesn't feel pain. It makes him reckless. The pack doesn't notice, until they do.)

[princess-sengoku]

I have a request for the Ultimate OTP Questions list, if you don't mind: Zhao Yun/Lu Bu

(Alright i got it. Sorry about a bit of a wait.)

Zhao Yun x Lu Bu OTP questions

Who is most affectionate?

Zhao Yun

Most common argument?

Probably what their strengths can be used for. Zhao Yun is for his lords and Lu Bu is for himself

Who apologizes first?

Zhao Yun

Favorite non-sexual activity to do together?

Riding red hare together or training.

Who drives and who rides shotgun?

Zhao Yun drives and Lu Bu will take the missle launcher (shotgun)

Who is most likely to carry the other?

Lu Bu will carry Zhao Yun in anyway he wants.

Nicknames(this took me a while)

Zhao Yun to Lu Bu: big bruiser, machoman, strongest warrior alive

Lu Bu to Zhao Yun: Hero, warrior

Who Proposes?

Zhao Yun

Who sings along with the radio?

Zhao Yun but really depends on the music.

Who worries the most?

Zhao Yun. He knows Lu Bu is strong, but he can do some incredibly dumb decisions that threaten his life. He's also concerned about Chen Gong, Lu Bu's strategist, for putting him in precarious situations and just feeling that he may have other intentions.

Who wants to take selfies with the other?

Zhao Yun

Who likes to playfully tease the other?

I think Lu Bu might do it more. (If Zhao Yun does it, it might cause the next DW opening in Xiapi again)

Weirdest taste in music?

Lu Bu

Who remembers what the other orders in a restaurant?

Lu Bu

Who is embarrassed to take off their clothes in front of the other?

Zhao Yun

Who tops?

Lu Bu. Not surprised

Who initiates kisses?

Lu Bu

Who reaches for the other hand first?

Zhao Yun

Who kisses the hardest?

Lu Bu

Who is the most ticklish?

Zhao Yun

Who brings an animal they found home?

Zhao Yun. Lu Bu allowed it only because Lu Lingqi found the animal cute.

Who holds the umbrella for the other when it's raining?

Lu Bu, he's taller and can find a big umbrella for the both of them.

Who tries to playfully embarrass the other in public?

Zhao Yun. At least it's outside with other warriors around, still he doesn't do it often.

Who kills the scary bugs?

Both but Lu Bu will do it more often.

Who asks the wierd questions at random in the middle of the night?

Lu Bu

Who hogs the blankets?

Zhao Yun

Who wakes up first?

Zhao Yun

Who wants to stay in bed longer?

Lu Bu

Who always makes coffee for the other each morning?

Lu Bu. He doesn't want to give too much coffee though as Zhao Yun will musou attack out the window.

Who cries during certain films or reading sad books?

Zhao Yun

Who gets scared of horror films?

Neither? Zhao Yun is too courageous for that and Lu Bu is Lu Bu.

Who cuts the other's hair?

Lu Bu.

Who says "I Love you" first?

Zhao Yun

Who tells their friends and family about their relationship first?

Lu Bu

What does their friends and family think about the relationship?

Lu Lingqi: She would be happy. She prefers Zhao Yun over Diaochan because at least he didn't keep him away from her while she was growing up.

Diaochan: She would be a bit surprised but accepting. She seemed to have feelings for Lu Bu, but will stay out of it unless Zhao Yun breaks his heart.

Chen Gong: He would think this is a good thing for Lu Bu. Anyone that can keep Lu Bu from any unnecessary killing sprees is great for him. Plus he would use this as a offer to ally themselves with Shu

Zhang Liao: He would be fine with it. He just hopes Zhao Yun would make a nice opponent for him to train sometime

Liu Bei: He would be a bit concerned (who wouldn't after they got kicked out of Xiapi in history) but the benevolence in his heart would at least let go of the grudge and accept it for one of his favorite officer's sake.

Liu Shan: He's fine with it. He just wants peace.

Guan Yu and Zhang Fei: Guan Yu wouldn't like it personally because Lu Bu messed with his sworn brother's dream and Zhang Fei wants to drink so hard to forget this relationship exists. While Guan Yu tries not to let Zhang Fei drink himself to death, he tells Zhao Yun to be careful at least

Ma Chao (and Ma Dai): Ma Chao wants to vanquish the injusticable creature that took Zhao Yun away. Ma Dai stops his cousin and ties him up on the horse. He silently says that he's fine with it but Ma Chao is going to take some time and get a clearer head for it. He tips his hat like a silent apology and rides off.

Who is more likely to ask the other to dance with them?

Zhao Yun. Just a night at one of the karaoke bars.

Who cooks the best?

Lu Bu, especially when it's meats.

Who wears the other's jacket?

Zhao Yun

Who uses cheesy pick up lines?

Zhao Yun

Who whispers inappropriate things in the other's ear at inappropriate times?

Lu Bu. He would be so awkward with it though. at least Zhao Yun blushes easily.

Who makes the other laugh the most?

Lu Bu

Who needs more reassurance?

Zhao Yun

Who would have to bail the other out of Jail?

Zhao Yun has to bail Lu Bu out

What is their Theme song?

This. It doesn't have the guitar riff that Dynasty Warriors tracks have (it isn't from a dynasty warriors game anyway), but i can see them battling to this together.

Who would sing their child back to sleep?

Lu Bu. It calms down Lu Lingqi faster.

What do they do when they are away from each other?

Zhao Yun would probably go to train and see what's happening in the south (Nanman). Lu Bu would be bored and ask Chen Gong where's the Wei forces. That is his training for today at least.

A headcanon about them that stabs your feels

One day when Zhao Yun shows up in Xiapi castle, he noticed something was wrong. Dead soldiers of Lu Bu's army laid on the castle walls and among the grounds. Zhao Yun grasped his spear tightly as he rushed inside. Along the way, he saw a Shu flag. Did something happen without Liu Bei knowing and to Lu Bu? He got to the throne room and Zhang Fei, visibly drunk, was there with blood on his pike. Chen Gong was no where to be found, neither was Lingqi, Zhang Liao, or Lu Bu. "Master Zhang Fei? What did you do!?" Zhao Yun would ask in increasing anger. Zhang Fei, still out of it, only acknowledged Zhao Yun with an "ugh" and threw Lu Bu's headpiece back to him. The headpiece was also tainted with blood. Zhao Yun started to cry. Lu Bu... He can't be gone... How did this happen? He wanted to kill Zhang Fei. He didn't care about how his lords felt or what it would do to his position, he killed his love out of spite and drunkeness! Before he could get his spear off of the ground, he was knocked out by Zhang Fei, an ache in his head too great by a clean headbutt.

A headcanon that mends the previous one?

Zhao Yun woke up in what looks to him like a hideaway, the birds tweeting outside in harmony. He didn't want to get up from the bed, one Lu Bu was dead to him and two it hurts to move. He noticed he still held the headpiece Lu Bu wore and placed it on the table next to him. He wasn't fully awake but when he came to, he felt someone big and strong next to him in the bed. It sounded like a bear but calmer. As he turned, Lu Bu was alive and in bandages from the wounds he had gotten. Zhao Yun also found bandages on himself. He was so happy they were alive. Liu Bei, Chen Gong and Lu Lingqi came in as well from the outside. Liu Bei had apologized to Lu Bu and Zhao Yun that he didn't know Zhang Fei was attacking them and he didn't know about the incident til Chen Gong and Lingqi explained to him about it. Zhang Fei would be in Jail for it and shouldn't be bothered at all. Chen Gong felt regretful about the situation that he never saw it coming. After their worries were quelled and apologies was given and accepted, they left Lu Bu and Zhao Yun alone to heal. They cuddled comfortably in bed, Lu Bu silently wishing that Zhang Fei would be executed but he's fine with both alive to do battles again.

[i-will-write-for-you]

Avenging Angel 

Pairing: Clace - Clary/Jace 

Prompt: “Clary saving Jace from trouble” 

Prompter: Anon 

Admin: Darker

***

Jace sagged heavily against the wall, his eyes sliding shut. He was covered in blood, some his own, some not, and the rogue vampire had thrown away his stele, leaving him defenceless. 

It was just supposed to be a simple hunt; which is why he hadn’t taken any back up with him...but he’d been ambushed with over ten rogue vampires, and he was fading in and out of consciousness. 

He thought only of Clary, how she’d be expecting him back, how worried she’d be--and worst of all, that perhaps she would try to find him.

As that thought makes him shudder, the door to the abandoned warehouse he’d been kept in burst open, two bodies flying through it.

He recognized that flame of red hair anywhere. Clary. 

The dagger she held glowed as she held it with complete confidence. 

“Clary!” Jace called, suddenly feeling more alert. He struggled in the cuffs that the vampires had put him in, but he was groggy from being fed on. “Clary, et out of here--”

Clary’s eyes darted over to him, but only momentarily. She was occupied with finishing off the vampire that wrestled with her. 

Jace had to help her. He had to--

But by the time he staggered to his feet without the held of his hands, Clary was standing over the vampire’s unmoving body. 

“It’s impolite to kidnap people’s boyfriends,” Clary grimaced, stepping over the body without relish and meeting Jace’s eyes. 

He was shocked, his jaw hanging open. She was covered in bits of flesh and cuts, her jacked was torn and hanging off of her, but--she looked good. Alive, and a bit pleased with herself, really. 

“Clary are you okay? Are you hurt? Did you come here alone?” Was all he could sputter out, his voice weak. 

She rolled her eyes and stalked over to him, using a version of her opening rune to snap the cuffs free from his wrists. “Didn’t you?” She challenged.

She had him there.

“Clary, you--you defeated an entire nest of rogue vampires?” 

She grinned wildly up at him, etching a quick iratze into his neck. He felt instantly stronger. 

“Yes.” 

Jace had to admit; that was a turn on. “Can you carry me out of here?” 

Her eyes widened as if she believed that he really needed her to carry him out. She eyed his tall frame dubiously, and then nodded, steeling herself. “Okay. I think I maybe can--you’re pretty thin--” 

Jace mock gasped. “I’m toned,” he complained, and then ruffled her already mussed hair. “I’m exhausted, but I can walk. I was just teasing you. C’mon, let’s go home. We need to report this nest and I need to watch at least two episodes of Ru Pauls Drag Race to heal my soul after being fed on like an all you can eat buffet.” 

Clary laced her small hands into his, smiling as she did. Jace could see the exhaustion on her face, see what the worry had caused her and how hard on her body that battle had been. He really wanted to get her home more than he wanted to rest. She could take a bath, soak her sore muscles. He would make sure she didn’t push herself too hard.

“And we need to work on your technique. The way you used that dagger could use just a bit more fine tuning--”

“Jace,” Clary chimed patiently. 

“Yes?” 

“Shut up.” 

And, when she stretched up on her toes to kiss him, Jace gladly did just that. 

**

Send prompts of your OTP and get a drabble featuring them!!!! 

[lizacstuff]

Sen Cal Kapimi / Edser / Turkish Dizi asks

Asks under the cut

i love that in sck world, i love you means i love you, but also i hate you/our feelings are mutual means i love you. edser have a unique love declarations thats for sure 😂

YEP! In Edser world “I hate you” means I love you... but ONLY when you use the full name. 

Çok romantik when done properly, I can’t hardly wait to see what Serkan might be remembering when he repeats the line back to Eda! It’s their thing!

Anonymous said: Hi! How you doing? Have you ever watch Şeref Meselesi? Is it good? Do you recommend?

Hello, I’m well! No, I have not watched it. The Kerem fans on twitter seem to really dig it, though. Personally, when I’m THIS invested in shipping, it’s hard for me to see one half my OTP in other roles. Particularly when were in the middle of the show. Maybe I’ll check it out some day. If you do watch, let me know what you think. 

Anonymous said: I will give SCK this, they sure know how to keep us guessing between the next episode photos, summary and the fragman. Not to mention all the spoilers that are floating around Twitter. I have no idea how episode 31 is going to be super romantic for Edser with Selin still hanging around but let’s bring it on. For episode 30, at least Serkan’s interest in Eda has returned based on the fragman because that lacking in the last episode just felt so wrong after everything. He was attracted to her for sure but understandably fought it every step of the way. Eda was trying to reconnect with a brick wall because of the amnesia, trauma and Selin’s influence which was crushing to watch. Going to be interesting to see how Serkan responds to getting a few memories back and his growing interest in Eda combined with his engagement to Selin. Seems unlikely he would within one episode switch from being purely logical about everything to totally in love with Eda & throwing caution to the wind but I could be totally wrong.

 I think he was attracted to her in 29. If he wasn’t the man who has no intention of ever marrying wouldn’t have freaked out and stumbled and bumbled his way through an impromptu proposal to a woman he doesn’t love just to put some distance between him and the crazy, beautiful, “evil” “manipulative” woman who changed him and took half his company!!!! 

Also, remember episode 1, where he tried to pretend he wasn’t attracted to her as a woman. 

So he always tries to deny her allure at first, and he’s always lying. 

I don’t think we’ll see him go to “totally in love with her” in the next episode. I think we’ll see him, once the immediate threat is neutralized by his little stunt, becoming more and more intrigued by her. And her little stunt is going to bring out his innate, primal jealousy when it comes to her. 

Also, from the fragman, I’m not entirely convinced he’s really engaged to Selin. The way he said, “I want you to wear this (tiny) ring.” Didn’t smack of a real engagement, even a loveless one, it more sounded like what you would say for a fake one. Also he’s not wearing a ring in the pictures. Old Serkan was very adverse to marriage and his relationship with Selin broke up over that fact, so I wouldn’t be shocked if after he made his shocking proposal and he and Selin left he was like, “Thanks for playing along, obviously we’re not really getting married, lets keep up the ruse so Eda stays away from me.”

We’ll see. I could see the story going for matching fake engagements. Though if he doesn’t disclaim his intent to marry her this episode, he will soon. So no worries there. 

Should be fun!

Anonymous said: I'm all for them making Selin completely batshit psycho if she does end up going to jail; it would be entertaining, but you're right, I don't think I've ever seen it in a romance dizi. Some villains have done fucked up things and the protagonists just tell them to go away and that's kinda it. I think with some rumored things like drugging and implying they slept together, that would be treading a very fine line if the writers were to go there and not show proper consequences.

How have they implied they slept together? The show went out of their way to show Serkan on the couch and Selin going home to sleep in Istanbul. They didn’t have to do that, but they were very clear. I’m cool to follow the text and not neutronic fan’s fears. 

My biggest trepidation about this storyline is that there will be no satisfactory repercussions for Selin.  It needs to be more than her slinking back across the continent in shame. She needs to face real consequences. 

Anonymous said: you know, if i was serkan (and especially with how even more robot-y he is now) and heard their story from engin i would probably call it "cok sacma" too.. like from the outside looking it, their love story and journey is quite crazy lmao. i've always wanted a fic from a third-person perspective of some regular ass artlife employee from the beginning just observing their boss and the crazy antics that ensue after he quite suddenly gets engaged to a woman he's constantly fighting with lol.

YES PLEASE!!! Someone write this!!!   

It is quite a crazy story... which is why it was enough to sustain 60+ hours of story telling all on its own, lmao. 

I’m sure everything being thrown at Serkan at once, the ways he grew and evolved, what he was able to tolerate and participate in, is quite shocking to him. However, Robot Bolat has never been in love so he just doesn’t understand the transformative nature of love. He’ll learn, and quickly! Also, I’m a big proponent that Serkan didn’t change. It’s just that under the influence of his love for Eda, he healed and he opened up and grew into the man who was always there, deep inside. 

[alwaysupatnight]

001: for The Walking Dead (because I'm sure someone's beaten me to FDtD, but if not, them too! XD ) and keeping with the fandom, 002 for Bethyl

haha Okay that took longer than I expected. :P But thanks for asking, @sandalaris!! The rest is under a cut because this got long.

001 | TWD

(Just fyi this is pretty much just gonna be me screaming about Beth and Daryl XD)

Favorite character: Beth Greene!!

Least Favorite character: Dawn Lerner!! She killed my bff!!

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): bethyl. That’s it. I don’t have any other favorites. I hate everyone. Lol Okay fine maybe Richonne.

Character I find most attractive: I think Lori is pretty.

Character I would marry: Daryl

Character I would be best friends with: Beth and maybe Glenn

A random thought: They shouldn’t have killed off Carl

An unpopular opinion: C@rol is too much like Daryl’s mother to be in a romantic relationship with him

My canon OTP: BETHYL IDGAF

Non-canon OTP: I don’t think I have one…? Unless you count Bethyl but we’ve already established idgaf if they’re not actually canon XD

Most badass character: Michonne because the katana

Pairing I am not a fan of: Daryl and anyone who is not Beth Greene

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): BETH GREENE. HER DEATH MADE NO GODDAMN SENSE

Favorite friendship: Beth and Merle. I know they didn’t really have any interactions on-screen but I would’ve loved to see it. They would have gotten along great.

Character I want to adopt or be adopted by: I want to adopt Daryl. Lol He needs some love okay.

001 | FDTD

Favorite character: my beautiful stupid son Seth Gecko XD

Least Favorite character: Carlos, Sex Machine, and Sonja

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon): sethkate. Also Kate/Rafa because they were precious.

Character I find most attractive: Okay but Monica was actually really freaking gorgeous?? Except of course when she got her eyeballs removed and implanted into her hands… she was less gorgeous then

Character I would marry: Seth even though he’s trashy af lol

Character I would be best friends with: Kate and Kalinda who would also be bffs with each other okay. Maybe Richie if he wasn’t so infuriating because I do actually find him hilarious and we both have shitty personalities XD

A random thought: Richie has a brain barrier like Bella Swan

An unpopular opinion: I can’t think of anything right now lol

My canon OTP: SETHKATE

Non-canon OTP: Maybe Kalinda/Scott because I’ve always thought they would be really cute. Also kinda into Dakota/Richie ngl.

Most badass character: Kate post Amaru (but also pre Amaru too lbr but specifically with her sword skills)

Pairing I am not a fan of: Seth/Kisa. They’re just too much alike in personality. They wouldn’t work out imo.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another): Freddie in season 3. WHY WAS HE JUST SITTING THERE HUGGING HIS WIFE AND KID WHILE KATE WAS LITERALLY ON THE FLOOR BLEEDING TO DEATH?!?! SCREAMING ABOUT IT

Favorite friendship: Kate and Kalinda is one I would’ve liked to have seen lol In canon I liked Seth and his culebra bff. Ugh why did he have to die!! :(

Character I want to adopt or be adopted by: Seth. Haha but I would also actually marry him so I would not be a good foster mom XD

002 | Bethyl

When I started shipping it: I think it was when episode 4.13 aired. But I had already been looking into it after 4.12 which was their bottle episode and it was THE GREATEST. But yeah, the “white trash brunch” and “oh” were what finally got me. lol

My thoughts: I haven’t been in the fandom for several years now and have barely touched the fanfic with the exception of one or two. I just can’t do it anymore tbh. I’ll never ship them the way I did back in summer of 2014. But I still love them with my whole heart.

What makes me happy about them: How Daryl was really able to open up to Beth and how she was able to help him heal a little bit.

What makes me sad about them: That we’ll never know what happened to Beth’s body. That Daryl will go on living and never being whole. I haven’t watched since 2014 so idk what is even happening on the show anymore and I don’t really care tbh.

Things done in fanfic that annoys me: When people would write “that girl is gonna be the death of him”. OMFG do you know how many times I had to read that?? IN PRACTICALLY EVERY FIC OKAY. IT GOT SO OLD. Also when people would portray Daryl as some illiterate hillbilly. lmfao not right

Things I look for in fanfic: I don’t read fanfic for that fandom anymore. But I really loved the fix-it fics and basically all the modern aus. Idk I read practically every fic I came across back in the day. There wasn’t too much I wouldn’t read at the height of my obsession.

My kinks: Beth being alive

Who I’d be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:  Welp.

My happily ever after for them: Beth isn’t actually dead and comes home and Daryl gets to have his young wife back

Who is the big spoon/little spoon: Daryl is totally the little spoon are you kidding me? lol As if that hug from behind wasn’t proof enough. My boy needs all the comfort.

What is their favorite non-sexual activity: haha idk I haven’t thought about these two like this in forever. But I guess Beth singing and playing instruments and Daryl listening and finding peace through her presence in his life. Beth was actual sunshine.

[sith-shenanigans]

OTP Song Meme

Tagged by @lumielles and @frozenabattoir— thank you both so much! You may regret this. :>

I am going to wildly ignore the rules of this and post their entire playlist instead of a single song.

1. Lost Girls — Lindsey Stirling

[instrumental]

2. The Long Way Home — The Birthday Massacre

Here in the dark, don't fall asleep / We walk through the snow, trying not to breathe / Don't let me go / Stay close to me / Don't look behind us / There's nothing to see

Below / Let me go / From here I know / It's a long way home

Into the woods, under the trees / We follow the trail, down to the sea / There's nowhere to hide / Don't wait for me / Don't look behind you / There's nothing to see

Below / Let me go / From here I know / It's a long way home

3. Still Alive — Leslie Fish

Running from the living / Running from the dead / Running from the memories / Just one jump ahead / But you're still alive— / There's a face in the mirror / Still alive, the dead don't bleed / Still alive, life is a changer / And you're no stranger / Come take what you need

There will be an answer / The sun will rise / Love is a survivor / Open your eyes

4. Wish That You Were Here — Florence + the Machine

And if I stay, oh, I don't know / There'll be so much that I'll have to let go / You're disappearing all the time / But I still see you in the light / For you, the shadows fight / And it's beautiful, but there's that tug in the side / I must stop time traveling / You're always on my mind

You're always on my mind...

5. Still Here — Digital Daggers

Musing through memories, losing my grip in the grey / Numbing the senses, I feel you slipping away / Fighting to hold on, clinging to just one more day / Love turns to ashes, with all that I wish I could say

[...]

Every night, I dream you're still here / The ghost by my side, so perfectly clear / When I awake, you'll disappear / Back to the shadows / With all I hold dear / With all I hold dear...

6. Back From the Dead — Skylar Grey

I'm so confused, I don't know what to feel / Should I throw my arms around you or kill you for real? / 'Cause I worked so hard to put the past to rest / Now it's tumbling down on me just like an avalanche

[...]

I never thought that you and I would ever meet again / I mourn the loss of you sometimes and pray for peace within / The word "distraught" cannot describe how my heart has been / But where do we begin, now that you're back from the dead?

Where do we begin, now that you're back from the dead?

Where do we begin, now that you're back from the dead?

7. Bound — Suzanne Vega

Once you said I'm made of fine stuff / I've been corrupted, and taken enough

Now you appear, making your claim / Inside my heart is the sign of your name

8. Bleak December — Set It Off

In that bleak December, you're just too cold / But I need the answer before you fold / You would hold your cards inside your chest / I think I drove too far / For that bleak December / And how full of shit you are

[...]

Now what are you to me / But a fly inside a web of lies you weave / You're not fooling anyone, not you, not me / So I wonder how you stay alive / When all I do is freeze

9. How to Start a War — Simon Curtis

I thought we were meant to be / Thought it'd be you and me / Standing together at the end of the world

I guess that's not what you want / I guess that I should just move on / So tell me, how am I to move when I can't even breathe

This is not how you make love / This is not what we signed up for / This is not how it's meant to be / This is how you start a war...

10. Down — The Birthday Massacre

Tell me why / We never cared to do this when we still had time / We'll never have to give up if we never try / I know I'll only want it when it's gone / Into the fire

Show me now / I wish that I could fake it but I don't know how / I know we'll never make it but I can't stop now / We're only just beginning and it's over

[...]

Leave me here / I'll never see tomorrow 'til my eyes are clear / We never could run faster than the passing years / I know that I won't miss you 'til you're gone / Into the fire

Cross my heart / We'll never have to let this end if we don't start / We'll never see the light 'til we step into the dark / We're only just beginning and it's over

11. Enemy — Simon Curtis

All this time I thought you knew, I thought you were aware / Of how much I would do for you, of just how much I care / All this time you sat here thinking that I wouldn't give / Every bit of life of mine just so that you could live

And now I've got a feel from you it's bitterness and cold / I'm hearing what you say but not believing what I'm told

[...]

You built so many walls around me that you couldn't see / That without you there is no us there is not even me / I'm standing here before you with no armor lying bare / Lying stranded and defenseless you could help me if you care

You built so many walls around me that I wouldn't dare / Try to climb them but I'm standing with a white flag in the air

12. Bleak December (Acoustic) — Set It Off

[reprise]

13. Lies — Martina McBride

Hummingbirds don't fly backwards / Lovers don't say goodbye / Saturn has 7 rings / And I have never told a lie

[...]

I'm finally moving forward / Getting on with my life / I never dream of you and me / It's strange I don't know why

I'm really not that lonely / You never cross my mind / And when I hear your name / It doesn't cut me like a knife

I don't walk these halls / And I don't climb these walls / Every night...

14. Thick as Thieves — Shinedown

Evidently we can't work it out / I guess that courage ain't allowed / Evidently you're not in the mood / And everything I say just bothers you

You built this fortress / I stumble towards it

Evidently you look furious / Walls up and I know you're serious / Evidently I'm not always there / But you left and I looked everywhere

You built this fortress / I stumble towards it / I stumble towards it...

15. No Light, No Light — Florence + the Machine

Would you leave me / If I told you what I've done / And would you leave me / If I told you what I've become / 'Cause it's so easy / To say it to a crowd / But it's so hard, my love / To say it to you alone

16. Half Light — BANNERS

Sometimes I join you / Let you wash over me / When we're in the darkness / Only the blind can see

And you can tear it up / Oh, no one tears it up like you / Oh, you can rip it up / Oh, I can rip it up like you

When you're in the half light / It is not you I see / And you live a half life / You only show half to me

And can you shake it off / Oh, can you shake it off for me / When you're in the half light / I don't like the half I see

17. Burn — Silent Rival

You wrote a note from a pile of ashes / The pen in your claw got me laughing / No one believes I still feel the weight of your head in my lap

I shudder to think of you out in the cold / Wherever you are I hope you’re warm / Don't worry about me, I'll find my way back / Fire light in my path / Your light in my path

Watch you burn / You light up, you rise up, and you burn / Glow as you fly from the earth / Watch the engines ignite as you burn / Before I could say my goodbyes / Goodbyes, goodbyes, goodbyes / You’re burning and burning

Some call it pain, it's just a feeling / Some call it pain, I call it healing / Will I ever heal, I'm always raw / I'm always raw / Set fire to it all / Set fire to it all...

18. If I Say — Mumford & Sons

I came here without a choice / I'm sorry I could never thank you / For saving me more trouble / I didn't want any trouble / If you were given one more chance / Would you bring me back to life / Bring me back into the light / Into the light

[...]

Show me your hands / Are they cleaner than mine? / Show me your face / Did you cross the line? / Show me your eyes / They any drier than mine? / Your soul survives / But peace, you'll never find

19. Things We Lost in the Fire — Bastille

I was the match and you were the rock / Maybe we started this fire / We sat apart and watched / All we had burn on the pyre

You said, we were born with nothing / And we sure as hell have nothing now / You said, we were born with nothing / And we sure as hell have nothing now...

20. Magpie — The Mountain Goats

Feed the kittens in the kitchen / Set food out for the strays / Try hard to do your best / The magpie will have his way

Fill your mouth with berries / By the full light of the moon / Work all night if you have to / The magpie comes at noon

Shore up the crucifixes / Above the archways and the doors / The magpie will come at midday / And you will go down on all fours

And when the cherry's white with blossoms / Be ready and be brave / And remember what we had here / When there was something left to save

21. Supernova — Within Temptation

I'm waiting for your last goodbye / 'Cause I'm not over it, not over it / I'm waiting for your last goodbye / The kiss of time

Like thunder screaming out for a flash of lightning / Stars are falling down for God's applause / I'm waiting for the light of your supernova / Your last goodbye

22. Through the Mirror — Beyond The Black

Watch you spin in your veils of protection / Layer on layer of dark colors unwind / Shake them off, but you never forget them / Show your scars to the mute and the blind

Only showing your face to the lonely / Wear a mask for the masses so cold / Choosing roads that are broken and stony / Let me tell you my dreams of our destiny

Speak to me, sing to me, bare your soul to me / Step through the mirror, join me inside / Run to me, stay with me, till eternity / Show me the faith that you hide / You hide

You are wandering spaces in limbo / Hearing words from the voice in your head / Give a sign and I'll open the window / Step outside and I'll hold you instead

Only showing your face to the lonely / Wear a mask for the masses so cold / Choosing roads that are broken and stony / Let me tell you my dreams of our destiny

Speak to me, sing to me, bare your soul to me / Step through the mirror, join me inside / Run to me, stay with me, till eternity / Show me the faith that you hide / You hide...

23. Mercy Mirror — Within Temptation

I don't like to think about the pieces / All the cracks in the bricks that still remain / If I could breathe, I'd ask you

To look in my mercy mirror / I need you more than I have known / So look in my mercy mirror / 'Cause I'm not ready to let you go...

24. You Are the Only One — Sergey Lazarev

We can never let the word be unspoken / We will never let our loving go come undone/ Everything we had is staying unbroken now / You will always be the only one / You're the only one

Won't ever give up 'cause you're / Still somewhere out there/ Nothing or no one's gonna keep us apart / Breaking me down but I'm still getting nowhere / Won't stop, hold on

Thunder and lightning it's getting exciting / Lights up the skyline to show where you are / My love is rising, the story's unwinding / Together we'll make it and reach for the stars

You're the only one, you're my only one / You're my life, every breath that I take / Unforgettable, so unbelievable / You're the only one, my only one

25. Paradise (What About Us?) — Within Temptation

There's no sense, the fire burns / When wisdom fails, it changes all / The wheel embodies all that keeps on turning

Blood red skies, I feel so cold / No innocence, we play our role / The wheel embodies all, where are we going?

All in all, you'd expect the wise to be wiser / Fallen from grace / And all in all, I guess we should have known better, 'cause

What about us / Isn't it enough? / No, we're not in paradise / This is who we are / This is what we've got / No, it's not our paradise / But it's all we want / And it's all that we're fighting for / Though it's not paradise

You and us, or I and them? / There comes a time to take a stand / The wheel is watching all that keeps on burning

The venom works, it's like a curse / A Trojan horse, when will we learn / The wheel embodies all that keeps returning

All in all, you'd expect the wise to be wiser / Fallen from grace / And all in all, I guess we should have known better, 'cause

What about us / Isn't it enough? / No, we're not in paradise / This is who we are / This is what we've got / No, it's not our paradise / But it's all we want / And it's all that we're fighting for / Though it's not paradise

What about us / Isn't it enough? / No, we're not in paradise / This is who we are / This is what we've got / No, it's not our paradise / But it's all we want / And it's all that we're fighting for

What about us / Isn't it enough? / No, we're not in paradise / This is who we are / This is what we've got / No, it's not our paradise / But it's all we want / And it's all that we're fighting for / But it's not paradise

What about us, what about us, what about us, isn't it enough?

What about us, what about us, what about us, isn't it enough?

What about us, what about us, what about us, isn't it enough?

What about us, what about us, what about us, isn't it enough?

[littleshebear]

The Narrow Road, Part 3: Dreams.

Aaaaand we’re back. New’s year’s resolution: Finish my damn wips. This chapter turned out far sadder than I expected. It starts out fairly humorous then takes a sharp left into angst-ville. 

Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2

Commander Zavala | OC: Sasha | Zavala x Female OC  | Zavala x Sasha | Lord Shaxx | The Dark Age | Angst | Romance | Zavala x Insomnia = OTP | Awoken prophetic dream shenanigans | cw for partner loss/grief

You the butterfly - I, Chuang Tzu’s dreaming heart.

               -Matsuo Bashō

“Ow!” Zavala jerks his head back, sucking a short, sharp breath through his teeth. Normally, his Ghost would have healed him by now but this is not a normal situation. He’s accustomed to pain, just not hands-on medical care.

“Bear it, weakling.” Alexandra smirks down at him before she resumes dabbing at a cut on his forehead. Zavala supposes that whatever is on the pad she’s using is some sort of disinfectant but the way it stings and burns makes it feel like liquid torture.

He looks around the room to distract himself, from both the pain and from the fact that the first human he’s laid eyes on since being rezzed has her face inches from his own.  The room can only be described as functional. In terms of furniture, there’s the bed which he’s seated on, a plain wardrobe and a couple of battered-looking easy chairs. The back half of the room houses what seems to double as a work space and kitchen area. A tiny-plug in cooker sits on top of a work-bench beside scattered tools and what are most likely gun parts and empty rounds. The only decorative pieces he can see are a small statue of a seated, robed man and what looks like a two-stringed musical instrument, with a headstock carved into the shape of a horse’s head. He lets his eyes rest anywhere except on her while he keeps as still as possible. As gentle as her touch is, there’s every possibility she might pull a knife on him again if he’s a bad patient.

“You live here?” He asks, still casting his gaze around the spartan abode.

“No,” she replies. “I live on The Road, this is just where I keep my stuff.” She smiles down at him as she sets about closing his wound with butterfly bandages.

“Ah. I see.” He doesn’t really see it. If he stopped to think about it, he wouldn’t understand why anyone would trade the comfort of a home for the danger of The Road. As it is, he’s decided now is the time to look back up at her. He’s not thinking about much except how different she looks when she smiles.

[Zavala? Are you all right?] Izanami intrudes over their neural link. A tiny frown clouds his decidedly battered and bruised features. What an odd question. He’s been beaten up, one eye is swelling shut, it hurts to breathe, he’s fairly sure his nose is broken and he can’t ask his Ghost to heal him. Not yet, anyway. Of course he’s not all right.

[Why are you asking me that?]

[You’re tachycardic!] She exclaims, sending ripples of worry through the link. [Your heart rate is pushing one-ninety, is something wrong? Is it your injuries, did I miss something? I should heal you.]

[No.] Zavala replies. [You want us to keep a low profile, how do you think she’ll react if you suddenly pop out and start beaming Light at me? Relax. I’m fine.]

[Then why are you-] Izanami pauses as Alexandra frames Zavala’s face with her hands and tips his head up towards her.

“Look at me.” She rests her thumbs on his cheekbones, gently stroking either side of his nose and gazing intently at him. He obliges, his frown instantly dissolving. He avoids her eyes and finds himself staring at her nose. The freckles he noticed when they first met catch his attention. He decides he likes freckles.

[Now you’ve stopped breathing! There’s definitely something not ri-] There’s a sudden, stony silence across their neural link. [Oh. All right. I see what’s happening here. Never mind.]

Alexandra removes her hands and straightens up before Zavala can respond. “I think your nose is broken.” She crosses over to the kitchen area and retrieves an ice pack from a small fridge. She places it in his hand and guides it to his nose. “Keep an eye on it. You might need to get to the infirmary and have it reset.”

“That won’t be necessary, I’ll be fine.”

“Okay,” she shrugs. “If you’re fine with long term breathing problems and your nose healing all crooked.” She flops down into one of the chairs, sending up a small cloud of dust and causing the springs to creak. She clearly wasn’t kidding about not spending much time here. “Why didn’t you fight back? That long on The Road, you must be able to handle yourself.”

“I tend to favour running away. I’m good at that. Usually.”

Alexandra laughs. “That’s as good a survival strategy as any, I guess. So where did you get the spear? That’s a Fallen blade, you didn’t get that by running away.”

“I scavenged it.” He omits the part where he scavenged it from the body of a vandal he’d despatched minutes before. Alexandra doesn’t reply to this. She merely stares back as if studying him. “Is this an interrogation?”

“The others,” she hesitates no doubt searching for a tactful way to say ‘they don’t want you here.’ “The others are sceptical. The Road is a dangerous place, you’d have to be stupendously lucky to survive out there alone, for any length of time. Lucky or…” her lips twitch in amusement. “Extremely good at running away.”

“Well, can I ask you something?” He winces as he shifts the ice pack. “Who is Fulgrim and why do people keep asking me if I work for him?”

“Ah, well.” All traces of amusement desert Alexandra when she hears that name. “That’s Lord Fulgrim, to the likes of us. He’s a Warlord, he has territory not far from here. We’ve had the odd skirmish with his people but he hasn’t tried to take the town. Not yet, anyway. He’s ruthless. He’ll give protection in exchange for tribute but if people won’t pay…” She trails off, staring at nothing in particular. She shakes her head and comes to. “He’s a Lightbearer, do you know what that means?”

“I’ve heard the term.” His voice is even but his blood has run as cold as the bag of ice in his hand.

“They have abilities. Powers, like something out of an old comic book. And you can’t kill them. They have these little drones that follow them around, they bring them back to life somehow.”  She regards him seriously. “Take my advice. You see someone with one of those drones floating beside them? You do that running away thing you told me about.” She gets to her feet with a sigh. “Anyway. I need to go, I’m on watch soon. You can sleep here tonight, I won’t be back til morning.”

“I don’t want to impose.”

“You’re not. Make yourself at home, there’s food in the fridge, bathroom’s through that door. I’d give you the tour but that’s pretty much it. Only one rule: Don’t touch my morin khuur or the Buddha.”

Zavala stands, removes the ice pack from his face and casts a puzzled, uncertain look around the room. “The what?”

Alexandra purses her lips to suppress a smile. “You are so far from home, aren’t you? Don’t touch that,” she points to the horse-head stringed instrument, then the statuette sitting on the shelf, “Or that.”

“Ah. I won’t.” He bobs his head, something between a bow and respectful nod, unsure of the etiquette for a situation like this. “Thank you Alexandra Ivanova. You’ve been very kind.”

“Don’t be so formal. Call me Sasha. And don’t worry about it. It’s my job.”

“Even so. I’m grateful.”

She nods back to him in response before opening the door to leave. “Sleep well, Just Zavala.”

He shuts the door after her and listens closely for the sound of her footsteps receding into the distance. “Okay, come out.”

Izanami immediately coalesces beside him. “I thought she’d never leave!” She projects a cone of Light towards Zavala’s chest and he sighs in relief. “That’s your ribs intact again. Better?”

He takes another deep breath and exhales slowly. “So much better.” He puts up a hand to shield his face when she starts healing the bruises there. “What are you doing? How obvious did you want to make this?”

She stares back at him with as much incredulity as a floating drone can muster. “Zavala. We’re not staying. We have to to go!”

Zavala closes his eyes and sighs, visibly deflating. “Iz, I am tired. I am so tired. Let me rest.”

“Did you hear what she said? And the way she said it? She hates Lightbearers. She practically spat the word out. If she finds out what you are I…” Her shell gives a little shudder. “I don’t want to think about what she might do. We can’t stay here.”

“Just a couple of days.” He kicks off his boots and eases himself down on the bed. “Give me two night’s decent sleep and we’ll move on? Deal?”

Izanami turns her shell this way and that. “Fine,” she eventually forces the word out. “So long as it’s temporary. At least let me deal with some of the deep tissue damage. Let me take the swelling down, just a little bit?”

“Okay.” He settles down on top of the blankets and groans in contentment despite the throbbing pain in his head. So this is what sleeping in a bed feels like, he thinks as his eyes fall shut.

Izanami shoots small, hesitant beams of Light towards him. “She was right. Your nose is broken. Want me to fix it? Zavala?” He doesn’t respond, having fallen asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow. “I’ll fix it,” she whispers. “Sweet dreams.”

She sits in the corner of a darkened room. Her face is obscured, her head bowed. So much about her is different; her hair is shorter, she wears strange armour bearing sigils he doesn’t recognise but he knows it’s her. Somehow he knows. She cradles a large, black and white pistol in her hands with tender reverence.. When she eventually raises her head to look at him, she does so slowly, as though it’s a burden too heavy for her to carry. She looks at him with tear-filled eyes and when she speaks, her voice is quiet and strained.

“I’m sorry, Luchik.”

Zavala woke with a start, barely suppressing the urge to call her name. He sat up and looked around frantically until he remembered where he was. It was pitch black but his keen Awoken eyes could make out the sleeping form of Shaxx on a pallet on the other side of their shared yurt. He lay back down on his own bed and stared into the darkness, contemplating the dream that had so rudely shaken him awake. Of all his recurring dreams about Sasha, this was a common one but its frequency did nothing to help him understand it.

What’s wrong, Sashenka? What are you trying to tell me?

There were no answers forthcoming in the night’s silence. He had been so sure the dreams would stop once he reached the Traveler. That was their goal, they had been determined that at least one of them would make it. He did. He thought she’d be at peace after that. Clearly, he was wrong.

He rose from his pallet, having no desire to go back to sleep. He dressed as quietly as he could then picked up his spear and opened the door to the hut. Shaxx snorted and stirred as he did so.

“Mmph? Effie? Where’re y’goin?”

Zavala can’t help but smile at that. “Efrideet’s not here, Shaxx. Go back to sleep.” It was good of his new friend to put him up the way he had, but Zavala was eager to get his own space. These disruptive, sleepless nights weren’t fair on Shaxx. As much as Shaxx's energy seemed boundless, he needed his rest. Zavala headed toward the centre of the settlement, to the fire that always burned brightly, no matter the hour. He sat down, fished out a whetstone from a pouch in his belt and set to sharpening the blade of his spear. He carried on with the repetitive, meditative movements when he sensed, rather than heard his Ghost approach.

 “I don’t think that spear can get much sharper.” Izanami hovered just behind his shoulder. “There’ll be nothing left of it.”

“It’s soothing.”

“Can’t sleep?” He shook his head. “Bad dream?” His only response was to draw the whetstone across the blade once more. “You can talk to me, you know.”

The Ghost’s assurance was met with silence. He rose to trudge over to the nearby wood pile. Sparks, like tiny amber stars, scattered into the surrounding darkness as he threw extra logs onto the fire. Once he was satisfied the fire was sufficiently stoked, flopped back down into his seat and resumed honing the spear resting in his lap. A not entirely comfortable silence ensued. The fire spat and crackled, the blade sang with each stroke of the whetstone and Izanami’s shell whirred softly as she considered what to say next.

“I miss her too, Zavala.”

He abruptly ceased his ministrations and looked up at his Ghost for the first time since she’d approached him. “Really?” He asked, raising a sceptical eyebrow. “You two didn’t always see eye to eye.”

“We agreed on some things; She loved you.”

She could tell she’d touched a nerve with that comment. A tense muscle worked in his jaw, his adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed down his emotions, then there was his smile. It was barely discernible and it didn’t come close to reaching his eyes but Izanami knew it was there. He held his hand out, palm up and beckoned. She sped over to him, straight past the proffered hand and nuzzled in between his neck and shoulder. Zavala gave a sad chuckle, musing on how his scarf served a dual purpose; protection from both cold and the shell points of an affectionate Ghost.

“I’m alright, Iz,” he whispered, covering her shell with his hand.

“No you’re not.” Her shell pressed into his scarf, muffling her voice. “You haven’t let yourself grieve, not properly. We were so focused on getting here, you didn’t have much time to think about anything else. You have time now.”

His Ghost had a point, he had to admit. As keenly as he'd felt the loss of Sasha, those feelings had necessarily taken a backseat to the daily drudgery of their pilgrimage: On your feet. Keep going. Don’t give up. Be brave.

“I just…” he tailed off, experiencing a flare up of what he’d come to think of as stealth grief. He understood the agony of the initial loss. There was an honesty about it, he was supposed to suffer, he could accept that. Bear it, weakling, he’d told himself. And he did. What he resented in the weeks that followed was how the pain would wait to ambush him without warning. He’d been lied to, grief didn’t go through stages, it came in waves, as relentless as the tide. Anything could remind him of her and set him off. A scent. A piece of music. An anecdote that he wanted to tell her. The thought of life plans altered or abandoned completely. And the worst: Those damn dreams of things that had never happened and never would. It was underhand. It was sneaky. It wasn’t fair.

“I just thought we’d have more time,” he said, in his second attempt at explaining his feelings. “I saw a future so clearly. I didn’t think I’d be doing this alone.”

[You’ll never be alone.] Izanami switched to the neural link to emphasise her point. [I’m here.] She floated back a little, extricating herself from this approximation of an embrace. [Try getting back to sleep?]

Zavala shook his head. “There’s little point, the sun will be up soon. Besides, I’m not tired.” That was a lie. He was worn out but he wouldn’t tell his perpetually worried Ghost the truth, that if he didn’t sleep, he wouldn’t dream.

[blackcoffeeandteardrops]

“It’s three in the morning.” - txf

Lol so I know this fic took me far too long to post, BUT it’s below the cut. And also AO3. Maybe not what you were going for, but you know how I feel about otp and their kids, both of whom Mulder fathered.

The night they brought their daughter home, neither Mulder or Scully got much sleep. Between the midnight feeding and waking every few hours for one reason or another, both of her parents would manage to almost fall asleep before she inevitably needed them again. The next few weeks followed much of the same pattern with Mulder and Scully taking turns to get up with her.

On occasion, they’d be half asleep and stumble into the hallway to find William standingby the door of his room bleary eyed, and the sight would startle them. He’d lived under their roof for the majority of Scully’s pregnancy, but the fact he was still there and not a product of their wishful imaginations caught them by surprise.

“Was I like this?” he asked one night, leaning against the doorway of his room as Scully paced the hallway, cradling the little girl.

“A little,” Scully conceded, fighting the lump she felt growing in her throat. They’d talked about his time with them some, but tiptoed around more of the fine tuned details. Before she could contemplate the idea much further, the baby curled her tiny fist against Scully’s chest and let out another cry. “I don’t remember it being this loud. Olivia, honey, it’s okay,” she said, pausing near where William stood, rocking the infant in her arms. It helped a little, but she was still clearly disgruntled in the way babies tended to be at times.

“Hey, Livvie, let mom get some sleep, why don’t you?” William said, laughing softly as he reached out to cup the back of his sister’s head. He gently ruffled what little hair she had and looked up at Scully through his lashes. “I could take her for a little while if you wanted.”

“It’s fine,” Scully replied. It wasn’t the first time he’d slipped up and referred to her as mom, but each time had been so subtle, rushed in with everything else in a way that made her wonder if he even realized he’d said it. Whether it was her gentle rocking her or relaxing under her brother’s touch, Olivia had settled down, her eyelids growing heavier by the second, a sure sign that sleep was likely imminent. “See? Sometimes babies just want to be held. Sorry she woke you.”

“It’s okay,” William replied, lowering his gaze to the ground, already reaching to shut his bedroom door. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

The following night was uneventful as was the one after that. So much so that Mulder joked before they went to bed that she’d broken the spell of late nights. It was a statement he’d regret however as the monitor next to the bed crackled to life and the sound of their daughter’s cries woke them both from sleep.

Scully burrowed her head into Mulder’s chest, suppressing the groan the sounds elicited. As grateful as she was for Olivia–and, for that matter, William–it didn’t make waking up in the middle of the night any easier. “This is your fault, you know.”

Mulder sighed, craning his neck as he read the time on the bedside alarm clock. “It’s three a.m.,” he said, stifling a lawn as he stared up at the ceiling. He ran a hand down Scully’s back, giving her side a gentle squeeze as he moved to sit up in bed. “I’ll go get her.”

Scully nodded, closing her eyes only to snap them open again, reaching across the bed to grab his arm. “Mulder, wait,” she said, mirroring his position as she pushed the blankets back. The crying sounding from the baby monitor had stopped, replaced now by a low murmuring she couldn’t quite make out. “What is that?”

Together, they threw back the blanket and as a solid unit crossed the hallway, unprepared for the sight they’d encounter. The door to Olivia’s room was open just slightly, but it was enough for them to get a glimpse inside. Next to her crib was a rocking chair, and in it sat William, rocking his baby sister. His head was bent forward, and while his mouth was moving, they could barely make out the words. The baby, despite emitting soft cries, appeared comfortable in her brother’s embrace.

“Scully,” Mulder whispered, reaching out instinctively for her hand. He grasped it in his, watching the scene play out before them.

“I know,” Scully replied, giving his hand a squeeze. Whatever she’d been expecting upon hearing the noises from Olivia’s room, it hadn’t been what she was seeing. Granted, it wasn’t the first time William had held her, but for the majority of her pregnancy he’d seemed rather untouched by it. He’d ask questions on occasion, and thanks to Mulder’s guest lecturing at a class had actually been the one to drive Scully to the hospital when she went into labor, but had seemed hesitant in way to get attached to the new addition to the family.

“Come on, kid,” William said, gently rocking the chair as he adjusted the baby in his arms. If he knew his parents were watching, he gave no indication of it. “When you get to be older, you’ll love sleep. I promise.”

Scully looked on and smiled, stifling a laugh behind her hand. She leaned her head against Mulder’s shoulder and closed her eyes for a moment, sighing as Mulder pressed a kiss to the top of her head. It seemed strange, in a way, that they were able to bask in the comfort of this new reality, in light of everything they’d faced to get here. Still, she thought a bit selfishly, if anyone deserved happiness after terrible circumstances, it was them.

Beside her, Mulder shifted his feet, causing the floorboards to creak.

William looked up, staring through the inky darkness at them. In the dim glow of the nightlight (a spaceship, despite Scully’s insisting it didn’t go with the theme of the room), he smiled sheepishly and shrugged, mindful of the baby resting in his arms. “Sorry, she was crying and I just…figured you guys needed to sleep. I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“It wasn’t you that woke us,” Mulder replied, shaking his head with a smile.

Scully pushed the door open further, slowly stepping into the room. “You don’t have to apologize. How is she?”

“Fine, I guess,” William replied, focusing on the baby as he spoke. He watched as her mouth opened and closed, raising her hand in the air, as if grasping for something none of them could see. The connection to his sister had been a little hard to understand, at least at first. It wasn’t easy, figuring out his place in the family. They’d welcome him with open arms, he knew that much before officially meeting them for the first time, but for so long he’d remained uncertain of where he fit in, especially with a new child on the way. This child would, he knew they hoped, be spared the evils and horrors they’d endured. Staring at her face, watching as she stretched her tiny body and yawned, he couldn’t help but tighten his arms around her and hope for the exact same thing. “She’s finally getting sleepy. I guess that’s good.”

“It is good,” Scully replied, unable to say much else. She swayed where she stood, grateful for Mulder’s arm circling her waist. William hadn’t sent her a vision, not exactly, but she’d sensed his thoughts just the same. “You’re always welcome here. You know that, don’t you? Your sister…she loves you.”

“So do we,” Mulder added, subtly bumping her hip with his own. The connection they all shared was something none of them totally understood, but it warmed his heart all the same.

“I know,” William replied,  slowly nodding his head, feeling the breath hitch in his chest. The love he felt from them was nearly overwhelming at times. It hadn’t been easy in the beginning. The day he showed up on their doorstep, barely recovered from his time in the water, let alone the bullet hole freshly healed on his forehead, had been fraught with tension. The days and weeks that followed had been an adjustment period to say the least. There were times he’d walk into the room and one of them would stare like he was an apparition that would disappear at any second. When Scully started showing, they walked on eggshells around him, even though he’d told them not to. He’d known before they’d even told him, had figured out that the baby was a girl before they’d even seen the ultrasound.

His visions of the future had become less frequent, and the virus that threatened to decimate the world’s population hadn’t reared its ugly head. The man who called himself a creator, but who William now realized thrived on trying to manipulate people and control them for his bidding, hadn’t surfaced either. Staring at Olivia and knowing without looking up at them that Mulder and Scully were watching them, he couldn’t help hoping things stayed that way. It was different, this life they’d stumbled into, but he figured they’d do anything to hold onto it as best they could. “I think she’s asleep. Should I put her back in the crib?”

“Here, let me help,” Scully replied, carefully stepping closer. She gingerly lifted the baby from his arms, holding still once she stood upright, fearful the transition had startled her. Satisfied, Scully turned to the crib, laying Olivia inside. She gripped the railing, watching her daughter’s eyes flutter behind her closed lids, and she hoped whatever dreams she was having were pleasant ones.

“I guess that’s my cue to exit,” William said, rising from the rocking chair. He shuffled to the door, carding a hand through his dark locks, stopping as he heard Scully call his name.

“Hey, Will?” Scully said, not continuing until she saw him looking back at her. “Thank you for your help. I mean it.”

He flicked his gaze from her to Olivia who was already sleeping soundly, to Mulder, who tried but failed to hide a yawn behind his arm. They were all pretty tired, and he felt the same. “Anytime,” he replied. “Well, I’m gonna go to bed now. See you guys in the morning. Or, well, when it’s light out.”

No matter how much William loved his sister, Mulder could see plain as day the teenager was tired, but he appreciated that he had a sense of humor about it. “See you then, Will,” he said, watching as the younger man left the room, carefully pulling the door closed behind him. Mulder looked back to Scully and cocked his head in the direction of the door. “Think we can get a few hours in before her highness over there wakes up again?”

“Mulder…” Scully replied, smiling as she shook her head.

“Of sleep, Scully. I meant sleep,” he replied. “Are you coming to bed?”

Scully darted her gaze to the chair where William had been sitting just moments before. She thought of the rocky grounds they’d traversed to get to where they were, and while they might not be considered normal by any traditional standards, she knew they were about as close as they could hope to be. Looking back at the baby sleeping soundly, she thought of how content her little one had been in her brother’s arms, and she smiled. “Yes,” she said, finally fixing her eyes on Mulder. She’d go to bed and they’d seek a moment’s rest before the new day begun, but as she clutched the crib railing, she found herself wanting to hang on to this one for just a little while longer. “I’ll be right there.”

[rhetoricalrogue]

Inktober for Writers - 3. Warmth

Day 3′s Inktober for Writer’s prompt done!  Yeah, I’ve pretty much decided that this month is going to be focusing on the OTP of 2017.  I’m still super rusty, but I love these two so much.  The lovely Roz belongs to @alittlestarling.

9:29 Dragon

The last thing hat Vincent could clearly remember of the afternoon was tutoring a young mage on how to properly cast an ice wall.  He’d spent days teaching the academics: the intent of the spell, the proper gestures, how to will the magic within you to do what you wanted.  Everything was going so well that Vincent had decided to move to the practical side a little earlier than usual.

It was an ice wall.  Ice walls didn't need barriers.  Sure, his student had cast the spell a little too close to them, but he had figured that they would work on depth perception later.  The wall hadn't been very tall either, so Vincent had to kneel to inspect the work.  

He should have known better.  The slight crackle sound of ice was familiar, but he should have put up a barrier once the musical tinkling turned into ominous cracking.  He'd barely had enough time to push his pupil away before the entire thing blew up in his face.

White-hot searing pain had lanced up his right side.  He'd cried out as the explosion had blown him backwards, the back of his head smacking against the stone floor, and then everything had gone dark.

The first thing Vincent registered when he came to was that the hard floor had been replaced with a soft bed.  The second thing he registered were the fingers cupped loosely around his left hand.  Even without looking, he knew who they belonged to.

“Roz?”  He cleared his throat, wondering why his mouth felt so dry.

The hand in his tightened.  “Shh,” she said.  There was a bit of shuffling before Vincent felt cool fingers on his cheek.  “You should be resting.”

“Patrick, is he…” it had been a minor accident, more Vincent's fault for being careless than a twelve-year-old’s, surely the Knight-Captain wouldn't…

“He's fine,” Roz assured him, her voice low and soothing.  “A little shaken up and scared, but otherwise alright.  How are you feeling?”

He breathed a sigh of relief.  “Achy.  Why can't I see?”  He reached up to touch the right side of his face where it hurt the most.

Roz reached over his body and pulled his hand down.  “Don’t.  It…” he heard her lick her lips.  “That side is where the worst of it is.”

“How bad was I hurt?”

“Ice shrapnel directly to the face.”  She got up and rounded the bed, the mattress dipping as she sat down on the edge.  “You have some cuts to the left side, but it looks as if you had turned away at the last second, or else it would have been worse.”  Her fingers were warm as they carefully undid the bandages over his forehead.  “It could have been worse.  The healers stopped the bleeding, but they said that you’ll still have scars.”

Vincent blinked as his left eye was uncovered.  “I can't open my right one.”

There was a familiar tingle of magic down his spine as Roz heated the water inside a nearby basin.  “It's swollen shut.”  She wrung out a washcloth and gently patted at his cheek.  The scent of elfroot was strong in the air and the warmth of the water was soothing, but not as soothing as the feel of Roz’s magic wrapping around his body as she silently laid down a healing spell.  “A piece slashed you from cheekbone to eyebrow.  You were very lucky that you didn't lose your eye.  You may still - we won't know the full damage until we can get the swelling down to look.”

Vincent stared at her face and took in the slight trembling of her bottom lip.  “Hey, it's going to be okay.”  Reaching up, he cupped her cheek.  “I'm going to heal up and you'll just have a slightly uglier best friend than you had before, just you wait.”

Roz laughed, even as she slapped at his chest.  “You've never been ugly, you idiot.  All this is going to do is make you look like some sort of battle-weary hero Janice reads about in those books she somehow managed to get the merchant to bring in.”

“Perish the thought.  I don't know if my ego could inflate to such standards of rugged handsomeness.”  He gently tugged at her until their foreheads were pressed lightly together.  “It’s going to be okay.  Can I see the damage?”

“I don't know where you keep a mirror.”

“Top drawer of that dresser, next to my shaving kit.”

She sat by him again, the round mirror shifting from hand to hand.  “Just don't be surprised,” she cautioned.  “It looks worse than it is because of all the swelling, but…”

“Rosalind.  Just give me the mirror, please.”

Roz wordlessly handed the mirror to him.  Taking a breath, Vincent brought it up to his face.

“Oh.”  The right side of his face was bright red, which he assumed had been from exposure to ice.  There was a long, jagged cut bisecting his eyebrow and going down his cheek, parts of it splintering off from the main injury, almost as if he had a lightning pattern on his cheekbone. There was a deep gouge along his cheek and a similarly deep looking cut on his chin and rounding upwards to his left jawline.

“I told you it was bad.”

He fought the urge to touch the worst injury.  “Well, I won't be winning any beauty contests, that's for certain.”  He tilted his head so he could inspect his eye.  Like Roz said, it looked pretty bad.  “How long until things calm down so we can see the total damage?”

“I don't know, but let me put a poultice on some of these ice burns.  It'll help with the pain and some of the swelling.”

“You really think that'll work?”

“Please.  I grew these herbs myself.  You of all people should know that my little pep talks to the plants makes them grow up big and strong.  And unlike some people stuck in bed, not naming names, I happened to pay attention in horticulture classes.”

“I paid attention,” he grumbled, sighing as Roz applied the poultices to his cheek and secured them with a clean bandage.  “Maybe not as much as you, but…” He broke off to yawn, wincing as his face protested.

“You really ought to get some sleep,” she said.  “That's probably the best thing you can do right now.”

As if to prove her right, Vincent had to stifle another yawn.  “How long was I out anyway?”

“A full day and a half.  It took three Templars to haul your butt up the stairs and into your room.”

He snorted.  “Probably wishing they could have just stuck me in the mage dormitory instead of having to go up to the Enchanter floor.”  Vincent watched as Roz put away everything into a neat little kit, his good eye spying the shadows under her eyes.  “You should get some rest too.”

“I'm fine, Vincent, really.”

“Roz.”

She shrugged.  “I took naps.”

“In that uncomfortable chair with your neck at a funny angle, I bet.”  He patted the mattress.  “Come on, there's plenty of room and I don't bite.  Not unless you ask nicely.”

That earned him a roll of the eyes, but Roz did crawl back into bed with him, kicking off her shoes as she snuggled up against his left side.  “It's good to know you still have your sense of humor.”

“Always.”  Vincent lifted his arm so he could wrap it around her shoulder.  “Thank you, by the way.  For being here with me, and for helping me heal.”

“As if you wouldn't have done the same if our spots were reversed.”  Roz curled up closer, her leg tangling up with his.  “It's what best friends do.”

“I know.”  He was grateful that his left cheek didn't hurt as he rested the side of his face against the crown of her head.  “I love you, Roz.”

“And I love you back, you big lug.  Now shush, and go to sleep.”

Vincent closed his eye and began to relax.  Just as he was drifting off, he was hit with a sudden thought.  “I really should write Mother, so she doesn't go into fits when she sees me next.”

“I already wrote a letter explaining what happened.  And you give Marta too little credit, she's made of sterner stuff than that.”

“Can I read it before you send it out?”

“Vincent.  Sleep.”

Vincent began to open his mouth to say something, but never got further than the first syllable.  The last thing he felt before passing out was the sensation of Roz's sleep spell covering him like a warm blanket.

[inabottlelikelightning]

After a brief 1 week break, I’m back!! Chapter 7 is up!! I hope you all enjoy :DDD

Chapters: 7/? Fandom: Teen Wolf (TV) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken, Theo Raeken & The Pack, Theo Raeken & Stiles Stilinski, Scott McCall & Theo Raeken, Minor or Background Relationship(s) Characters: Liam Dunbar, Theo Raeken, Mason Hewitt, Scott McCall (Teen Wolf), Stiles Stilinski, Malia Tate, Liam Dunbar's Mother, Liam Dunbar's Father, Kira Yukimura Additional Tags: okay this is my first stab at writing so I don't know how to tag, bear w me pls I promise I'll improve, Hurt Theo Raeken, Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst and Humor, I use the term humor here pretty loosely, what can i say i think im funny, lets see if anyone else does, Childhood Trauma, Canon-Typical Violence, Torture, Homelessness, Uncomfortable Conversations with One's Parents, Hunters, Pack Dynamics, Pack Feels, Pack Bonding, McCall Pack, Misunderstandings, God I love that tag, Anchors, Yeah you know where this is going, Theo Raeken is Liam Dunbar's Anchor, Liam Dunbar is Theo Raeken's Anchor, they're cute i don't make the rules, Good Theo Raeken, Healing, Coming Out, kind of, you'll see - Freeform, Acceptance, Found Family, god these tags are a mess, i'll fix them later it's fine, Homeless Theo Raeken, Apparent Passionate Lovemaking in the Bread Aisle, Idiots in Love, Friends to Lovers, Theo Raeken's Redemption Arc, Soulmates, like soulmates don't exist but they're soulmates :), Mutual Pining, The Inherent Eroticism of Napoleonic Battle Tactics, Liam Dunbar vs Public Decency, The Mystery of How Liam Hid Being a Werewolf For So Long Remains a Mystery, Theo Raeken's Criminally Distracting Stubble, OTP: Liam Dunbar and his Pie, Unbothered Attitude or Hypothermia-Induced Loss of Sensation? Liam is Unsure, Lunar Magick and Astral Projections, Liam's Diet Consists ONLY of Pie and Hot Chocolate, Tenderness-Induced Cardiac Arrest, Vision Boards as Stress Relief, Toothpaste as a Hate Crime, Theo Raeken Backstory, Theo Raeken's Absolutely Horrifying Internal Monologue, Does It Count as Self-Harm If You Know It Will Grow Back, Waking Up To Three Mystery Corpses In Your Bathroom, And Then Immediately Going Back to Sleep, Emotional Revelations in Disgusting Bathtubs, Inadvisable and Horribly Violent Stapler Use, We Didn't Start the Fire Plays in the Background, My Little Pony Crop Tops, Why Theo Is No Longer Allowed at Panda Express, Deep Fried Flip Phones, Road Trips Summary:

Even with Theo's perverted-supernatural healing, spending a good part of his supernatural adolescence being cut open on a surgical table by the Dread Doctors, over and over again, without any anesthetic, leaves marks. Maybe not physical ones, but scars don't need to be on the outside to hurt. Theo's not worried, because he stopped hurting a long time ago.

(Or: Theo doesn't feel pain. It makes him reckless. The pack doesn't notice, until they do.)