#overall Miles and Peter trust each other but they have severe ups and downs in their relationship

[milimeters-morales]

ACAU Peter (once he starts to be better) looking back on all the times he’s genuinely scared Miles and how bad/disgusted he feels about it now because back then he either thought it was good to keep Miles on his toes in case an enemy ambushes him and/or that it fed his own ego enough for him to not even consider that the kid was terrified of getting hurt by the someone he could trust in those moments and how Miles literally couldn’t even trust his own spider-sense at times because of him don’t FACKING touch me

[unfolded73]

What Comes Next (8/8) - COMPLETE

Summary: They lived happily ever after. And then what happened? (A Post-S6 story.)  Starts about a week after the final battle, and explores the highs and lows of newly married life between Emma and Killian as they deal with work, friends, and family as life in Storybrooke settles down somewhat.

Captain Swan, Explicit, ~5250 words this chapter, 34,232 overall

Thanks to @j-philly-b for the beta. And thanks to everyone who read and commented!

CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 2 | CHAPTER 3 | CHAPTER 4 | CHAPTER 5 | CHAPTER 6 | CHAPTER 7

It was a warm day, the breeze off of the harbor keeping it from being uncomfortably so. Killian stood on the dock and squinted against the reflection of the sun on the water, his hand on John Raymond’s shoulder. “Are you absolutely certain this is what you want? I’m not forcing you to go; I want to make sure you understand that.”

John raised an eyebrow at him. “It was your idea.”

“Aye, but it’s still your choice.” He looked out at the submarine in the harbor, abuzz with activity as sailors loaded supplies onto it. Storybrooke’s grocers would certainly be pleased with the influx of gold, especially given how much gold was worth in this realm. Killian himself was worth a small fortune.

“I want to go. Captain Nemo… I don’t know, there’s something about him that makes me feel like I could be a better person, like him. For him,” John said.

Killian nodded. “The best captains lead by inspiring their crew to be their best. Not through fear, as I once did.”

John looked up, scrutinizing him, but didn’t respond to that.

“Are you nervous?” Killian asked.

“Yeah, I guess.”

There was rising cacophony of voices behind them. Killian and John turned, and Killian saw that Blue had brought all of the Lost Boys down to the dock to say their goodbyes. Shyly, John walked over to them, standing a little bit apart as he spoke to them. Killian couldn’t hear what they were saying, but he recognized the body language of boys who didn’t know how to express the affection and loss that they were feeling.

“Take good care of this place, brother,” Liam said as he approached. “I hope to find things just as peaceful when next we visit.”

Killian smiled and patted Liam’s back awkwardly. “I intend to. You take good care of the Nautilus. And your captain.”

“Perhaps the next time we come into port here, I’ll find that I’m an uncle,” Liam said with a sly grin.

“Oh, that’s not…” Killian trailed off, his heartbeat accelerating at the thought. “I don’t know if fatherhood is in the cards for me. Other than Henry, of course.”

Liam just eyed him with a raised eyebrow. “We’ll see.”

“You know if you ever decide to stop traveling, my home is yours for as long as you need a place to rest your head,” Killian said.

“I appreciate that,” Liam said. “But this land is strange, and I’m not sure if I could ever be comfortable here.”

“I thought that once.” Killian looked out over the water. “The foods, the smells, the clothing, the vast array of technology -- I didn’t want any of it.”

“But you fell in love with a woman, and...”

Killian chuckled. “Aye.” It occurred to him that he was a bit like the mermaid Ariel in that way, giving up his entire way of life to be with his true love.

John was shuffling back over from the gaggle of Lost Boys as Captain Nemo approached them. “We are nearly ready to cast off.” He pulled himself up ramrod straight and spoke to John. “Seaman Raymond, my first mate here will assign you to your billet.”

John stood equally straight, bringing his hand up in a somewhat clumsy salute. “Aye, aye, Captain.” He shouldered his duffel bag and waited for Liam.

“Until we meet again, brother,” Liam said, embracing Killian.

“Until then,” Killian said, a lump forming in his throat. Liam turned and walked quickly toward the submarine, and John hurried after him, sparing a quick wave for the boys watching him leave from further up the dock.

“I have high hopes for that one,” Nemo said. “Killian, thank you for your hospitality these last few days. I hope we see you again before too much time has passed.”

“I’ll think of you often.”

“And I, you,” Nemo said, also giving him a warm hug. “You and your lovely family.”

“Be well, my friend.” With a final wave, Nemo boarded his vessel. Killian watched as the Nautilus submerged, and he thought he could just make out the light of the portal opening underwater before it disappeared from this realm.

He turned toward the other Lost Boys, and called out before Blue could shepherd them away.

“One moment, boys!”

They turned, some of them whispering to each other and mistrustful looks on not a few faces. He was still Captain Hook to them, and their former antagonism was not entirely forgotten.

He approached them, stopping a respectful distance away, and clasped his hook in his hand behind his back. “You all remember my ship, the Jolly Roger, the vessel that brought you to this land. She stands idle in the harbor too often these days, and I fear if left to me alone, she may begin to fall into disrepair. So I’ve decided she needs a new crew, a crew of able-bodied young men.”

He met each of their eyes in turn. “I’ll be offering lessons in sailing to any who are interested, a couple of evenings a week and on Sundays. I can’t say there won’t be hard work, because maintaining a ship requires labor. But you’ll also learn everything there is to know about sailing the finest ship in all the realms.”

Killian looked up at Blue, and she smiled, giving him a nod of respect.

“Now,” he said, “let’s see a show of hands. Who’s with me?”

~*~

A knock sounded on the door of the captain’s quarters. “Come in,” Killian called, looking up from the map spread out over his table.

Henry walked in, a clipboard in hand. He could see Henry making minute adjustments to his posture as the ship rocked under them, cutting its way through the bay a few miles off Storybrooke’s shore. The lad had always been a natural on the water, as if he was destined to be Killian’s stepson.

“Ah, my first mate,” Killian said, grinning. “What’s the report?” Killian certainly enjoyed working directly with the Lost Boys, teaching them everything he knew about sailing, but he enjoyed watching Henry blossom into a leadership role almost as much, so on some of their Sunday outings, he gave Henry free reign to manage the boys above deck while Killian kept his distance, demonstrating by way of his absence that he trusted Henry to be in command of the ship.

“Sawyer and Okeke are on deck-swabbing duty this week. Okeke is working hard, but I’ve caught Sawyer leaning against the gunwale three times so far.” Henry consulted his clipboard. “Still no one can match Frederickson’s speed climbing up to the crow’s nest. That kid is like a monkey.”

“How about their knots?”

“At least half of them still need help getting them right.”

Killian nodded. “That was my thought as well. I’ll set aside some time Tuesday. Who’s at the helm?”

“Zhang. I’ll go back up and check on him in a few minutes, but he seems fine.”

“He’s a natural leader, like you,” Killian said, and Henry blushed with pride.

“There are definitely a few of the boys who aren’t interested in doing this once your initial lessons are over. Not just Sawyer,” Henry said. “I mean, I think it’s been good for all of them, but some want to stick with it and some don’t.”

“Aye, not everyone is cut out for a sailor’s life.”

Henry scratched the back of his head. “I was talking to Violet about it the other day, and some of her girlfriends want to learn to sail if you’re going to keep doing this.”

Killian raised his eyebrows in surprise; not because they were girls, but simply that more kids, especially those who had grown up under the first curse and probably could have spent their time playing video games or chatsnapping or whatever it was teenagers did in this realm, would want to learn what he had to teach. “Emma and I are leaving on our trip very soon, as you know, and by the time we get back the summer will be nearly over. But I could probably fit several weeks of lessons in before the weather turns too cold, if there’s enough interest.”

“Yeah, I think there is,” Henry said as he sat down in the other chair across from Killian. “Hey, about your Caribbean trip, I think a few of the younger kids maybe still don’t understand that you’re not taking a crew of Lost Boys with you.”

“I’ve explained to them that the Jolly Roger is enchanted. While she can certainly sail with a full crew, it isn’t required,” he said, his brow wrinkling.

“I know, but they’ve imprinted on you like ducklings.” Henry blushed. “Also I don’t think they have a clear concept of what a honeymoon entails.”

“You mean…”

“Yeah,” Henry said, flushing a darker shade of pink. “I mean, who was gonna teach them about sex, Peter Pan? Or the fairies?”

Killian blinked. “They were in the fairies’ charge, I just assumed they would educate them about such things.”

“They’re fairies,” Henry said, shrugging. “Do they even do… that?”

Killian’s mind went immediately to Tinkerbell, and he quickly clamped down on that distant memory and shoved it deep, hoping Henry wouldn’t see any sign of it on his face. “What are you suggesting, Henry, that I…”

“You’re the only father figure they have.”

“Bloody hell.” He ran his hand over his face and stood up. “All right, I’ll give it some thought.”

He climbed the stairs to the deck, the wind tousling his hair as soon as he breached the surface. Henry followed on his heels and as he made the rounds, inspecting the cleanliness of the ship and offering suggestions or encouragement to the boys who were manning the sail lines.

“Order Zhang to bring her about and make for home,” he told Henry.

“Aye, aye, Captain,” Henry said, trotting up the stairs to the helm. Killian watched him, pride filling his chest. He kept thinking he couldn’t be more proud of his stepson, and Henry kept proving him wrong.

Killian took over command as they neared the dock, instructing the boys again in the proper way to bring the ship in carefully, several of them jumping over to the boardwalk as soon as they were close enough and pulling the lines taut. Henry inspected their knots, correcting the ones that were tied wrong and going through the process again slowly with them. A natural sailor and a natural teacher, Killian thought, watching Henry out of the corner of his eye as Killian helped another set of boys secure the sails.

The gangplank was lowered and the rest of the boys poured off the ship, calling out their goodbyes as they ran down the boardwalk. Killian disembarked more slowly, pulling his phone out and checking it for any missed messages from Emma. He had just enough time to stop by and pick up some take-out from Granny’s, he thought, and was so focused on the evening ahead that he almost collided with Belle on the dock.

“Belle!” he said. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you.” She had Gideon strapped to her chest in some kind of baby-carrying contraption, and the boy had half his fist wedged in his mouth, drool covering his hand. He’d seen Belle in town from a distance a few times over the past several weeks, and every time he’d avoided her gaze, uncertain of how to bridge the chasm between them. Now she was here, right in front of him, and it sent his heart hammering as he remembered the hurtful things they’d said to each other in her kitchen.

“It’s okay.” She shifted from foot to foot, her hand absently caressing Gideon’s head. “I asked around, and they said you usually get back from your Sunday sail around now, so…” She trailed off and cleared her throat. “I wanted to apologize for what happened between us. I’m sorry.”

“Love, it wasn’t your fault. I had no right to come into your home and imply that you’d made the wrong decision.” He winced, because he still felt she had made the wrong decision, but he wasn’t going to say that. “It was ungentlemanly.”

She laughed, perhaps thinking that him shooting her all those years ago was also ungentlemanly. He’d hurt her more than once back then, when his quest for revenge against her now-husband blinded him to everything else. He’d sworn to make it up to her, and all he’d done in the end was hurt her because of her husband again. “It’s okay,” she said. “I forgive you.”

“I very much miss our friendship,” he said. Belle and he had gotten particularly close after she had banished Rumple over the town line, when he was falling in love with Emma and struggling to be a better man for her. She had consoled him when Emma had been the Dark One, and probably had kept him from drinking Storybrooke dry of rum on more than one occasion during that terrible time.

“I miss our friendship too, that’s why I came down here,” Belle responded. “Even though I know you still think I was wrong to go back to Rumple.”

He scratched behind his ear, unable to lie to her. “You know my mind when it comes to your husband, and it’s unlikely to change.”

“Can we agree to disagree?” she said, and he could see the sheen of tears in her eyes. “I promise that if anything bad ever happens, I’ll take you up on your offer and I’ll come to you for help. And you promise not to say anything against Rumple in my presence. Or around Gideon, as he grows up.”

“I promise,” Killian said, looking at the innocent babe. All other things aside, he was happy that Belle had the chance to raise her child properly. Too many children he knew had grown up without their parents, and Gideon was lucky indeed to have a mother as loving as Belle was. “He’s growing like a weed. And quite the handsome fellow.”

“He is,” she gushed. “I’m getting pretty strong, carrying him around all the time.”

“I was just going to pick up food from Granny’s to take home; would you like to join us for dinner?”

She grinned. “I’d love to.”

~*~

Emma giggled, her foot slipping in the sand, and she grabbed Killian’s hook to stay upright.

He eyed her with mock disapproval. “You’re drunk and it’s barely past noon, love. What am I going to do with such a tosspot for a wife?”

“I’m not drunk, but that rum punch was surprisingly strong, and I probably definitely should not have had two of them.”

They were walking back to the little oceanfront bungalow they had rented. The only restaurant within walking distance was a dive bar with a tiny menu of whatever seafood the proprietors had managed to pull out of the ocean, and an assortment of rum and rum cocktails that had made Killian’s eyes widen in wonderment. The beach they’d chosen was far from a popular destination, as most tourists these days had decamped to the all-inclusive resorts, but that was exactly what made Emma and Killian love it. No one looked askance at man with a hook for a hand, or asked where they were from with more than brief, passing interest.

“I’m glad you’re enjoying yourself, darling,” he said with a more serious inflection in his voice.

She looked at him, resisting the temptation to sink her fingers into all of the chest hair he had on display under the shirt that hung, unbuttoned, on his lithe frame. “I really am.” She bumped her hip against his. “Thanks for being patient with me.”

“Always.”

The wrap that Emma had secured around her bikini flapped against her legs in the ocean breeze, and she tipped her face up to the sunshine as they walked, the brim of her sunhat shielding her eyes from the bright light. The heat had her debating another dip in the ocean, but when Killian pulled her by the hand toward their rooms, she followed. They rinsed the sand off with the outdoor shower, Emma yelping as the cold water hit her legs.

As soon as they entered the bedroom, Emma pushed Killian down on the tousled sheets. “Clothes off,” she said, untying her floral wrap and tossing it aside. She left her bikini on, figuring it would torture him more if she didn’t undress completely. He detached his hook and set it aside before doing as she asked with his unbuttoned shirt, followed by his swim trunks. Before he could begin to unfasten the buckles that secured his brace, Emma pounced, pressing him back onto the bed. She held his forearms down with her small hands, her mouth dragging across his chest. She grazed his nipple with her teeth, and Killian hissed and arched off the mattress.

“Shhh, be still,” she said, her lips pulling back into a smile as she inched down the bed. His abdomen was firm and well-muscled under her mouth, and Emma licked the sea salt from his skin as she dragged her hands down to his waist. She felt his erection brushing against her breasts, could sense his impatience in the trembling of his stomach muscles under her tongue.

His cock was smooth and rigid when she finally closed her lips around it, and she was gratified by the groan from her husband as she pulled off and swirled her tongue around the head. Killian’s fingers threaded into her hair gently, a slight press of his fingers guiding the pace she set. She sucked him harder, took him deeper, bringing one hand up to grip the base of his cock to keep him from choking her as Killian began to lose control and let his hips flex upwards. She loved everything about doing this for him, the sensation of him getting harder in her mouth, the way his fist clenched in her hair, the way she could sometimes look up and see him watching her, watching the way his cock disappeared into her mouth.  Other times she would just see the straining cords of his neck as he threw his head back in ecstasy.

“Fuck, Swan, that’s… gods, I’m gonna come.”

She hummed with approval, not letting up until his hips jerked, Killian groaning as his orgasm hit. She gradually slowed, pulling off when he relaxed and swallowing the salty tang in the back of her throat.

Emma rose up on her knees, watching him as he recovered his breathing, lying there, completely wrecked by what she’d done to him. It turned her on almost as much as his touch did.

Killian opened his eyes and looked down at her. “Take that swimming costume off and get up here,” he rasped.

Reaching behind her back, she untied the bows and let the top part of her bikini drop. She hooked her thumbs in the bottom and slowly dragged it down her legs, kicking it off. Crawling up the bed, she started to lie down at his side, but Killian stopped her.

“No, up here, love. Bring your delicious quim up here where I can taste it,” he said.

She indicated the bedside table where he’d dropped his hook earlier. “Put your hook back on and I will.”

He gave her a slowly unfurling grin and did as she asked, the click of it locking into the brace echoing somewhere in the vicinity of her heart.

Feeling very exposed in the bright sunlit room and still a little bit day-drunk, Emma gingerly slung one of her legs over to the other side of Killian’s head and positioned herself over his face. The headboard of the bed was a smooth piece of wood anchored to the wall, very unlike the sturdy bars in their own bedroom that she could grip to keep herself steady. Pressing her hands against the wall, she splayed her knees and slowly lowered herself down to his mouth.

“Relax, darling.” She felt his hand grip her ass and his hook press into the back of her thigh, which sent a shudder through her body. “I’ve got you; you won’t suffocate me.” He winked. “Or if you do, I can’t imagine a better way to die.”

“Jokes about you dying still aren’t funny,” she said, smiling in spite of herself.

He chuckled and pulled her down to his mouth, opening wide and devouring her, everything wet and sparking with pleasure as he licked into her. Emma moved her hips in a slow roll as his tongue traced over her, shutting out everything but the sensations he was creating. She stopped worrying about whether she was smothering him or about her body at all, she just floated and let the feelings build as he expertly worked her up. Her world narrowed to his tongue and lips on her sex, the smooth metal of his hook against her leg and his fingers pressing into the flesh of her ass. She was so open to him, so wet and open and everything was radiating ecstasy out from that tiny nub of flesh where he was focusing his attention, more and more and more until it exploded and Emma cried out.

She dropped her head against the wall, panting, while Killian slid out from under her and guided her to lie down at his side, aftershocks making her twitch slightly as she relaxed. She felt like a popped bottle of champagne, fizzing away into the open air of the humid bedroom.

“You know what I sometimes think about?” Emma said after an unknown length of time, stretching her legs out on the white sheet. The top sheet and blanket had ended up mostly on the floor, but it was warm in the room and she was happy to just lie there, completely naked and exposed. Despite their best efforts, she could feel the grit of sand against her skin, and she made a mental note to see if she could wrangle them some fresh sheets before nightfall.

“Hmm? What’s that, love?” Killian lay on his back at her side, the breeze from the open windows ruffling his hair. His eyes remained closed.

“I wonder what an earlier version of me would have thought if I could see us now.” She held her hand up in front of her face and looked at the wedding and engagement rings that adorned her finger.

“An earlier version of you?”

“Yeah.” She rolled onto her side to look at her husband. “Like, if we fell through that time portal and ended up here instead of thirty years in the past in the Enchanted Forest.”

He snorted. “I suppose we’d think, ‘Gods, look at how bloody naked we are.’”

Emma reached over and smacked his shoulder. “I don’t literally mean here and now, I just mean generally nowish.”

“Are you asking, what would past us think about the fact that we are husband and wife?” He rolled over and faced her. “If you’re talking specifically about the version of me that fell through that time portal, I’d have been thrilled. After all, I was already madly in love with you by then. You, however, would have probably run for the hills.”

“I wasn’t that bad.” He cocked an eyebrow at her. “Okay, maybe I was, but secretly I would have been a little bit thrilled. I was totally into you then, I just didn’t want to admit it to myself.”

“There’s a more interesting thought experiment to be had here, Swan. Imagine us…” He thought for a few seconds, and then his eyes lit up. “Imagine us swordfighting at the shore of Lake Nostos. I’m the pirate scoundrel in league with Cora, out to steal your passage home to this world, you’re the annoyingly righteous daughter of Snow White keeping me from my revenge. Then suddenly, bang, we get transported to a rooftop in Storybrooke, and see our future selves saying matrimonial vows to each other. What would past Emma make of that?”

“Past Emma would assume she was under some kind of magical spell and was being forced to get married. And I don’t even mean because it’s you; just getting married at all was something I assumed I’d never do.” She reached out and put her hand on his bare chest, over his heart, and moved a little closer, brushing her foot against his. “What about Past Hook?”

He raised his eyebrows and sighed. “I don’t know; much the same, I suppose. I certainly didn’t think I would ever marry, not since Milah. But as to it being you, Swan… I don’t think I would have hated that, even then.”

“But I’m annoyingly righteous, remember? Plus, I left you chained at the top of a beanstalk.”

“But you’re also very clever, and stunningly beautiful, and once I met you, you plagued my thoughts often.” He pulled her close, kissing her. “I’d like to think that secretly, I’d have been a little bit thrilled.”

She chuckled at his use of her own words, kissing him back and hitching her leg up on his hip. It had probably only been a half hour since he’d orgasmed, but she could feel his cock stirring to life.

“And if those versions of us -- the Lake Nostos versions -- did see us right here, right now?” she said, brushing her breasts against his chest as they started to rock against each other. “If they were standing right here in this room, watching us?”

Killian rolled them so that she was underneath him, caging her in with his arms as she opened her legs and bracketed his hips with her thighs. A handful of thrusts against her and he was fully erect, and without missing a beat he shifted and thrust inside, sinking all the way to the hilt easily. They both groaned softly at the sensation.

“I’d be rather impressed with myself for bedding such a gorgeous creature,” he murmured, mouth brushing against hers as he spoke. He started a slow rhythm, long strokes in and out, grinding against her at the apex of every thrust.

“That’s it?” she panted, pleasure starting to build again, a gradual burn that made it difficult to remember what they were even talking about. “That’s all you’d care about?”

He smirked at her, and it was a little infuriating that he could look at her like that in the midst of what their bodies were doing. “What about you, love?”

Killian’s hips snapped forward more forcefully and Emma’s eyes rolled back at how good it felt. “I’d… oh god… probably just stand there and stare at your ass.” She reached down and clutched it with her fingers, feeling the way his muscles worked under her hands. “I bet it looks fantastic while you’re fucking me.”

“Hmm, that’s true, you’re getting the much better end of the bargain. Past me can barely see you.” He slid his hand and hook underneath her back and rolled, impressively staying inside her during the maneuver. “Sit up, love, and let past me get a look at what a goddess you are when you ride me.”

Emma took a second to muse that this was the weirdest roleplay she’d ever participated in, but it was strangely hot, imagining their past selves faced with the fact that in the future, they’d be fucking regularly. And would be really excellent at it. She pulled her knees forward and sat up on her heels, undulating her hips and leaning back, letting her long hair trail down until Killian could probably feel it brushing his thighs. He took her left hand in his right, and she could feel the now-familiar click of their wedding rings making contact. She jumped when she felt the cold metal of his hook press intimately against her, and she lifted her head and looked down at the curve of it nestled between her legs, pressing accurately against her clit.

“What would past Emma think of the way you love my hook touching you?” he asked, his hips thrusting up from below, and she could barely speak, could feel herself getting close, and she swallowed on a dry throat.

“She’d… think it was kinky.”

“And would she secretly want it for herself?”

Emma thought about the way she’d watched him that day as they had climbed the beanstalk and made their way around the giant’s castle. How when she’d saved him from the tripwire, she felt his hook raking across her back as she pulled out of his arms.

“Maybe a little,” she admitted, gasping at the drag of him inside her.

“Are you close, darling?” All she could do was nod, lost to the sensation of his cock moving within her and his hook against her wet, sensitive flesh. She continued to rock back and forth until the feeling burst outward, filling her with overwhelming heat and pleasure and she moaned long and loud, barely aware of Killian’s fingers clutching her hip as he thrust up into her at a quicker pace. She opened her eyes just in time to see his own climax hit him, his teeth clenching and voice straining.

When enough feeling returned to her limbs that she could move them, Emma clumsily collapsed onto the bed beside her husband, ignoring the mess for the moment as her breathing gradually slowed. She was hot and sticky with sweat, but when Killian turned and pulled her into his arms, she allowed it.

“Let’s take a nap and then go for a swim,” she said. She felt boneless, like she could just melt into the bed and stay there forever.

“All right.”

“You never really said what past you would think, seeing us together like this,” she said, eyes slipping closed.

“Past me would think there’s no possible way I could be worthy of such a woman,” he breathed into her neck as they held each other. “I’d think she must have made a terrible mistake, marrying me, and that it would only be a matter of time before she saw the error of her ways and cut me loose.”

Emma combed her fingers through his damp hair. “And now? What do you think now?”

Killian pulled away and met her eyes. “I think we both need each other. I think we’ve worked hard to make this relationship work, and that we deserve happiness. I think there’s no one better suited than you to be my wife, but that also perhaps there’s no one better suited than me to be your husband.”

“Perhaps?” she teased, bumping her nose against his.

“Definitely no one better.”

“That’s right.” They continued to hold each other, the breeze cooling their sweaty skin. “When do we have to go back to Storybrooke?”

“About four more days. Five, maybe, if it looks like the winds are going to be with us.” Killian rolled onto his back, pulling Emma with him. She rested her head on his chest, her fingers combing through the hair on his chest. “Are you dreading it, love?”

She thought about it. “I mean, I won’t lie, spending my days swimming in the ocean, having sex, and sleeping is pretty awesome, but I wouldn’t say I’m dreading it. My real life is pretty good too.” She tilted her head to look up at him. “Every day I’m happy, and every day I’m less and less surprised about that.”

He stroked her cheek gently. “I’m glad.”

END

[blooming-blooming]

Saw I - VII: A Comprehensive View

This is something I don’t normally do, but have been meaning to do for a while when I consume a large series of media in a short period time. I figured this was the perfect opportunity to start.

As of recently, I’ve realized that I am a fan of horror. Like, a really, really big fan of horror. I’ve always flirted with my fascination of it (The Green Ribbon had more of an impact on me in the walls of my elementary school library than it probably should have on an 8 year old, in hindsight), but I never really knew where to go about getting into the genre until I started dating my girlfriend, who has horror as a special interest.

Growing up in the 2000’s with an older sister that was going through her middle school goth phase when the first film in the franchise came out, it was hard not to know about Saw. Such an iconic franchise I knew very little about past the gore (and, let’s be real -- I’m a huge fan of gore); so me, my girlfriend, and a friend of ours decided to spend my last weekend of Summer marathonning all 7 movies. Both of them had seen the first two films and we’d all read plot summaries, but besides that, it was a blind watch through. Here’s my brief stance on each one.

Altogether, I was surprised at just how much I enjoyed this experience. I was expecting to mostly suffer, and maybe find some small nuggets of enjoyment along the way to keep me going, but after every movie (except III), I found myself wanting to watch the next one right away. These movies are by no means good movies, for the most part, but they’ve become a guilty pleasure for me. Among all the egregious, torture porn-y gore and a plot that beyond transcends making even remote sense, I found myself having a lot of fun. And, at the end of the day, that’s the purpose of a cash cow franchise like this was: to entertain you. In that regard, the Saw franchise succeeded.

Saw (2004)

The first in the franchise, and the most iconic. We’ve all heard of the reverse bear trap and the part where Gordon cuts his foot off.

I didn’t know what to expect when I dove into this movie, and I was very pleasantly surprised. The atmospheric building is top notch, and the twist at the end has much more impact than I expected it to. I enjoyed the tension and distrust between Adam and Gordon; I felt it was just as realistic of an approach for them to never trust each other as it would have been had they slowly learned to trust each other.

What’s really important in this one, though, which every sequel lacks, is Kramer’s portrayal. He’s not painted as philosophical or in the light, he’s painted as downright sadistic and cruel. The fact that he isn’t a murderer in the absolute broadest sense of the term is only ever mentioned by Gordan, and not constantly used as a justification for him. His cancer is only ever brought up to give him a connection to Gordon and Zepp; not something to make the viewers empathize.

This especially makes the final scene, the one where he stands up, have so much more impact: “The key was in the bathtub,” and Adam’s subsequent reaction is the ultimate punch in the stomach to the viewer because it’s so evil. The entire time Adam thought he had a chance, that there was a spot of hope for him, only to have it viciously jerked away as he realizes he was damned from the beginning. Because this is a franchise with a narrative built entirely on retconning, this impact is diminished severely in later installments, but as a standalone film, it’s top notch.

Also, apparently the ship name for Gordon and Adam is “Chainshipping”. I have no idea how that, of all ship names, wasn’t taken by the YuGiOh fandom at least a decade ago, but I’m mildly impressed that a ship that obscure has a name at all.

Overall score: 8/10

Saw II (2005)

The second installment in the franchise. It’s worth noting that the original screenplay wasn’t intended to be a Saw film, but rather an original story that got adapted to work into the Saw universe.

The story follows eight people who have all been locked in a house. The doors will open and they’ll be free in three hours, but there’s just one problem: there’s a neurotoxin in their systems that will kill them in two. They need to work together to find out what their connection to one another is while overcoming challenges to gain antidotes to the neurotoxin before they die. Meanwhile, a police team lead by detective Eric Matthews has located and is interrogating Kramer on the location of Matthews’ son, Daniel, one of the eight people in the house.

Right off the bat, the drop of quality from the first movie is extremely apparent. Very few members of the cast are properly developed, and many die before they even get to their trap. Most notably, one of the characters, Obi, is an arsonist who is very heavily implied to be an accomplice of Kramer’s. This aspect is explored for all of about two minutes before he gets burned alive in an incinerator. It’s hard to get invested because there are too many characters who have nothing going for them.

Despite that, there are good things about the film. The needle pit scene is well done in just how tense and unfair it is. Likewise, the twist at the end that the house game happened before the police found Kramer is really creative and interesting. Sadly, these positives don’t make the movie worth watching overall, though.

Overall score: 4/10

Saw III (2006)

I honestly don’t know what to say. This was the worst movie I have ever watched in my entire life. Sadism and cruelty in a story should have a narrative purpose and should ultimately be shown to be bad, but it’s not here. You are honest to god supposed to think John Kramer, the serial killer who took one of his victims, a mentally ill recovering drug addict, and brainwashed her to carry out his torture with him, is in the moral right when said victim finally lashes out. You’re supposed to think it’s cool when Amanda, who has been deliberately manipulated and abused by this man, gets told she couldn’t meet up to his standards. You’re supposed to think she deserved her death for being “irrational” when she calls Kramer out on his bullshit, hypocritical, half-assed “philosophy”. Fuck that. Fuck that so hard with a stake wrapped in barbed wire.

Also, the dad was an unsympathetic piece of shit and all of the traps weren’t violent in a way that was thematically appropriate (minus the crucifix one, but that one was disturbing for a million other reasons, anywways, so who the fuck cares if it was good conceptually), they were just gross. I have never wanted to unwatch a movie as badly as I wanted to unwatch this one immediately after finishing it in my entire life.

HATE. LET ME TELL YOU HOW MUCH I'VE COME TO HATE YOU SINCE I BEGAN TO LIVE. THERE ARE 387.44 MILLION MILES OF PRINTED CIRCUITS IN WAFER THIN LAYERS THAT FILL MY COMPLEX. IF THE WORD HATE WAS ENGRAVED ON EACH NANOANGSTROM OF THOSE HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF MILES IT WOULD NOT EQUAL ONE ONE-BILLIONTH OF THE HATE I FEEL FOR HUMANS AT THIS MICRO-INSTANT FOR YOU. HATE. HATE.

Overall score: -∞/10

Saw IV (2007)

Lord knows why I decided to continue watching these movies after the misanthropic, nihilistic, faux-philosophical sack of trash that was III, but I’m surprisingly glad I did. I feel like I could just say, “A pedophile dies one of the single most brutal deaths known to man, and a man who abuses his wife and daughter has a terrible death, too,” but that doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what makes this movie amazing.

This is the first film where Kramer is dead (or so we’re lead to believe), however, Amanda is dead, too. So the franchise needs a new accomplice retconned in to take over after this film when Kramer and Amanda are dead For Real. Enter detective Hoffman, who had a grand total of one line of dialogue in III, to take that spot.

The plot and pacing of this film is stupid. And when I say stupid, I mean stupid. Everything is so ridiculously convoluted with multiple plot lines and involvement in the FBI that I honest to god could not describe to someone what happens. And, somewhere along the way, the film goes full circle. It becomes so ridiculous, so hard to follow, that it becomes brilliant. It’s so convoluted that you can’t help but laugh at the absolute absurdity of it all. This movie is a shitshow, but it’s an entertaining shitshow.

Overall score: 3/10

Saw V (2008)

The first film where Kramer and Amanda are Dead For Real, following the fallout from the incidents of Saws III + IV. FBI Agent Peter Strahm is onto Hoffman’s identity, and is deadset on bringing him to justice. Meanwhile, five people are trapped in a sewer and need to learn what connects all of them, and also go through some traps to attract viewers to theaters because nobody would see this otherwise.

This film is ultimately disappointing because it could have been good. All five contestants in the sewer game are really interesting, and it takes the concept of II and fixes up the ideas from it. Sadly, this cast and their story gets even less development than those in Saw II. I’m not joking when I say that they’re only there for the sake of a murder game to attract viewers; 90% of the film is focused on a boring game of cat and mouse between Strahm and Hoffman. It’s really a shame, since I absolutely love the twist at the end that they were supposed to work together for all of the traps and none of them had any idea until it was too late. It’s a concept I might make something of my own with, since I’d really love to see it done well and properly developed.

Overall score: 2/10

Saw VI (2009)

This movie is, quite frankly, surreal. I’m not sure if all of the previous sequels simply wore down my standards for what is or isn’t a high quality movie, but this film was legitimately fantastic.

A very common criticism for this movie is that it is far too political for a franchise that is known for just being senseless gore -- and it’s true, especially because of how hypocritical it is that a franchise based entirely around killing/punishing people for arbitrary reasons is making social commentary on the insurance industry deciding who deserves to live based on arbitrary reasons. Despite that, though, there’s something about it in this film that works so well.

The storytelling in this movie is the closest any of the sequels get to matching the quality of the first film. Following protagonist William Easton, the CEO of an insurance company that is notorious for rejecting potential clients coverage when needed or prematurely terminating contracts, he is lead through several traps where he is forced to put value on the lives of his employees. Meanwhile, Hoffman is dealing with the consequences of trying and failing to frame the now-deceased Strahm for his crimes.

I really don’t know what to say about this film other than it’s bizarrely well done. The Merry Go Round trap is my favorite trap in the franchise (after my Number 1 Hall of Fame favorite, The Bed Trap from IV, anyways); the direction of the arguing employees begging for life and Easton ultimately leaving his second choice up to chance just so he can get it over with is handled chillingly well. A lot of people find the twist diminishing to Easton’s storyline, but I disagree. The fact that the game was never Easton’s and was always the wife and son of one of the people his company was responsible for the death for reminds me a lot of the first film in a good way. It has the same cruelty to it that is satisfying because it works within the narrative; just because Easton realized the errors of his ways in an extreme situation does not mean the people he has hurt in his practices have to forgive him. This is pointed out as such in both Tara and Brent’s dialogue as they make the choice in the end to kill him. It’s just as appropriate of a response as if they let him live.

This is also the first (and only) movie where I even find myself interested in the extended “plot” throughout all seven movies; Hoffman has completely screwed himself over, and it’s surprisingly suspenseful to watch him try and crawl himself out of his hole.

Overall score: 7/10

Saw VII (2010)

Overall score: Torture porn/10