#p: the loudest silence

[bejinyoung]

the loudest silence.

@bejoomi

jinyoung, for the first time in a very long time, is doing well. he's brighter these days, a sort of weightlessness about him that wasn't there before. he couldn't tell anyone exactly what the difference was, even if they're one of the very select few who know he's been taking advantage of studio delta's mental health and counseling services. maybe it's just... acceptance finally finding a home in his heart. jinyoung always knew he couldn't change the past but that's never stopped him from trying to fight it at every turn. now, though... maybe he doesn't have to fight so hard anymore. he's not sure; he's still figuring it all out. but he feels better than he did at the end of 2023 and he supposes that's all that matters.

the only dark cloud in jinyoung's life right now seems to be... jung joomi. he sulks around these days, probably not unlike the way jinyoung did in december if he had a modicum of self awareness at that time. even when jinyoung tries to talk with him, tries to banter in the way they (almost) always have, joomi finds some reason to excuse himself, to ignore him, to avoid him. it bothers jinyoung, though that could also be the severe abandonment issues he's been working through with his therapist at play. she'd probably tell him to have a little patience and empathy, and if joomi didn't want to be friends anymore then jinyoung should focus his energy on the friends and family who do stick around, or something like that. for the most part, jinyoung tries to follow her advice. in this case, his gut tells him it'll be better to act otherwise.

joomi practices alone a lot these days, but at least that makes it easy for jinyoung to find a moment to try to talk with him. he finds the other man tucked away in one of the smaller, more remote practice rooms and lets himself in without so much as knocking. it's not so much that jinyoung feels entitled to joomi's space as it is his own minuscule form of revenge for being ignored—another thing his therapist would probably tell him not to do. but jinyoung answers rudeness with rudeness and plops himself down in front of joomi, searching for his eyes and leaving no room for 'i didn't see you there' or 'i didn't notice you come in.'

"jung joomi," he full-names his friend, though his tone is still mostly lighthearted despite the incoming accusation. "are you mad at me? i'm stupid but even i noticed you're ignoring me."

[dev1lm4n]

moth to flame

ko-fi | series masterlist

pairing: porn star!joel miller x f!reader

summary: you're pining over wicked fantasies or who you recently discovered to be mr. miller, even when it's indubitably wrong.

word count: 3.9k

warnings: explicit (18+), pre-apocalypse, accidental voyeurism, masturbation, age gap (joel's in his mid 30's and reader is in her early 20's), reader is an exchange student but nationality is not mentioned

notes: set in 2013. do reblog or comment if u enjoyed it!

Turbulent wind pushed on the pickup truck to no avail. That, paired with the soothing rhythmic grunt of the ignition created a perfect moody atmosphere. It was the peak of summer; yet somehow, for whatever reason, Austin was looking awfully somber. Gray and bland like the taste of soaked cereals. Sarah was bound to return to school despite the hefty weekends she’s spent with the newest addition to the Millers, and she didn’t like it at all. She’s making it real obvious too for everyone. Cheeks puffed up like she is five and always a loud thump following her every move.

She landed her dad’s coffee on the table with a loud thump. She stormed back into her room with a louder thump. She swung the pickup truck’s door with the loudest thump you’ve ever heard, before making her way over to the school’s gate. Her small pout remained on her face despite your cheerful wave and words of encouragement from behind the rolled window.

She’s a cute kid, you decided. 

You’re sure things would link perfectly between you and your host family if it weren’t for the fact that you practically avoided Mr. Miller like he’s the goddamn plague. Everytime you slipped out of your room, you had to make sure he wasn’t in a five meter proximity. You’d rather be dehydrated and starved than to meet him after his day-time job (which you’ve recently learned was a contracting gig), lingering around the kitchen with a stale sandwich up his mouth. Similarly, you treated Sarah as a trusty messenger for every message you had for her dad. Whether it’s a leaky sink or a hefty request to drop you off at your college.

It’s a genuine miracle Sarah never questioned you on your abnormal behavior, nor did Mr. Miller. Was this your streak of luck?

You tucked your phone back in your pocket after a quick run through your texts, eyes focused back towards what laid ahead of you. Mr. Miller’s broad shoulders stretched across the length of the car’s cushioned seat, moving with a steady pulse at every breath of air he claimed. Your careful eyes watched over the seams of his shirt; the correct side up after Sarah’s clever remark earlier that morning. Slowly, you traced along the nape of his neck with your bare eyes. Further and further, right until you could finally spot the dark brown strands tangled in with hints of gray. It looked soft.. much like how it appeared to be on his videos. You wondered how it’d feel like to run your hands over it, feel it through the ridges of your knuckles, and pull on‒

“Hey, you listenin’ to me?”

The man’s baritone voice penetrated the thick silence and you were left aghast. Soul sucked out of your body as your eyes flickered towards the rearview mirror, eventually catching the small smile playing on his dangerously charming face. He’d be the end of you that’s for sure. This was a bad idea, asking him to drive you to college just because taxi rates are crazy high this time of the year, leaving the two of you alone. Alone and hidden under the privacy of his truck, you were fucked through and through. You just hoped he wasn’t clever enough to somehow figure out your utterly shameful thoughts.

“Sorry.. um.. I was thinking of something. What were you saying, Mr. Miller?”

Yeah, that’s right. You were thinking of how nice his hair would feel when you’re gripping on it for dear life, but he didn’t have to know that.

“No worries, kiddo. Just.. I have a question.”

“Shoot.”

“Did I do something to make you uncomfortable?”

At the last syllable he uttered, you were already rigid. Parched, feeling like your tongue magically turned into sandpaper; you’d always consider yourself to be an excellent debater at all parts of life, but his lone question left you high and dry. Your eyes darted back onto the rearview mirror and instead of his candid expression, you were met with his scintillating gaze. Curious and prodding into the deepest part of your head. It enthralled you, encouraged you to say the truth.

“You’re always scurrying off when I’m around,” he gave a thought to what he’s about to say. “I get that Sarah is friendlier and a lot more relatable to talk to. Talkin’ to an old man isn’t exactly preferable, is it?”

He let out a polite set of laughter, which was met by a deafening silence. You crumpled under the tension. Awkward and wanting nothing more than to escape the car like some fugitive in handcuffs. Killing Me Softly With His Song by Fugees continued to play faintly in the background, once again becoming a fitting ringtone for your impending response.

“No,” you denied slowly. Effectively lying, but it was as obvious as a kid trying to pocket candies from the cash register. “It’s not you. It’s me.”

His expression eventually twisted into one of mirth; brows quirked with interest, a tight smile edged to unfold. He’s probably finding the telenovela-inspired reply hilarious, but the man’s polite enough to store all his witty comments in the back of his head.

“What I mean is,” you paused to inhale deeply. What were you even supposed to say? You used to watch all his explicit videos and therefore you couldn't look him in the eye without getting reminded of every single scene? Lying has never been your forte, but the other option was far too humiliating. Even for you. “I’m naturally awkward, Mr. Miller. I.. I feel embarrassed when approaching you. Feels like I’m bothering you or something.”

That was half a lie. A white lie, you’d conclude.

“Oh sweetheart, you never bother me.”

The way he said that nickname had you sweating buckets. Seconds away from throwing up your entire breakfast menu out of sheer nervousness. You knew he meant it in a platonic familial-bond type of way, but God did it remind you of what he calls all his pretty co-stars.

“You and Sarah are my number one priority now. You know that, right?”

“Right. Thanks, Mr. Miller.”

“I’m home.”

Exhaustion trailed after your every step as you made your way through the empty hallway. A result of caffeine-induced studying paired with the buzzing busyness of commuting in peak-hour. This was all easily avoidable. You should’ve accepted Mr. Miller’s offer in picking you up after his gig up West, but the fear of making a slip up is overriding your desire for convenience. You wouldn't want to make things even more weird than it already is. Your most prized possession, the laptop you’ve owned since the beginning of time, weighed your shoulder down exceptionally as you trudged through. A loud grunt passed your lips as you stumbled across; appearing exactly like the hunchback of Notre Dame.

“Oh! You’re here!”

You took a step back to meet the feminine voice, bubbly and hearty from the girl sitting in a criss-cross manner in front of the TV. Sarah was smiling. A big toothy smile that was too hard to resist, despite the fatigue weighing your shoulders down. You’re just soft when it comes to the little girl.

“Dad’s giving me a massage. Do you want one too?”

You must’ve been dog-tired, because you foolishly didn’t notice the large figure looming over her from the sunken couch. It was admittedly dim in the living room, but he was as obvious as an elephant, big and rigged with muscles out of a need for his profession. Both his contracting gig and his other.. scandalous endeavors. Breathing was all that you needed to focus on for now, and perhaps schooling your expression. You’re almost entirely sure you wouldn’t be able to speak no matter how hard you try.

A small unsure quirk of your head was what you settled with and Sarah, being the nicest girl you’ve ever known, quickly ushered you to sit by her side. On the wooden floor. For a damned massage from Mr. Miller.

You complied, of course. Even when you look mildly petrified by the idea.

“What’re you up to all evening?” 

His voice grazed your eardrums, alike to a powerful gust of wind, as you seated yourself on the foot of the couch. Sarah by your side, looking fondly in your direction, giving you all the more pressure to appear put together when you could simply falter at the bare sound of his voice. You needed to get your shit together. Mr. Miller’s an actual man, for fucks sake, it’s horribly immoral to think of him as the Wicked Fantasies in these kinds of setting.

“Studying.”

“Is that why you’re so pent-up?”

No. You’re pent-up because you’ve spent the entire week trying to be on your best behavior, trying to act like you’re not openly thirsting over this sweet girl’s father, trying to act like you’re not tipping into insanity from merely being placed in the same room as he is, but he didn’t have to know that.

“Think so,” you hummed softly.

“Poor thing.”

Anticipation almost killed you right there and then. You knew he was going to place his calloused fingers over your shoulders, knew that it was the basic requirement to give someone a shoulder massage, but you couldn’t help but develop butterflies in your belly at the thought. It wasn’t beautiful nor poetic, instead, it was an absolute nuisance to conceal your thoughts. When he began to place his hands on your upper back, you flinched.

A hitch in your breathing, then a throaty groan.

You were sensitive, touch-starved, and his touch practically confirmed that.

Mr. Miller’s touch was expertly firm yet gentle, the way you imagined it for a long time. His calloused fingers glided along your trapeze muscles with finesse. Fluid and seamless, as if he’s a master to the human body. Your eyes fluttered shut as he focused on the tension points. The nook between your bones which was constantly weighed down by your bag didn’t go unnoticed. His skilled fingers kneaded away every knot and tightness, making you surrender to his ministrations.

You didn’t want him to stop.

You wanted him to touch you more.

To have each one of his rough fingers stroke every soft bend of your body, like how he treated May and Sadie as if they were his own personal ragdoll.

To feel him under the constraints of your thin t-shirt, without a veil separating the two of you.

You craved him so bad, even when it’s wrong.

“You feel better?”

When he spoke, his raspy voice was magnetic to the core of who you were, as if he's able to resonate with all of you when others can barely achieve a fraction of it. It sounded sincere, like he truly cared about your well-being and not to simply feed into your secret desires. He meant well and you’re here acting like a starved pervert. The thought made you cringe ever so slightly.

“Yeah. Much better.”

“Good then, kiddo.”

The nickname turned you sour. You're more than willing to debate him on it, unlike last time.

“I’m not a kid.”

“No?”

He was so smug about it too. Even when you're looking all pissy.

“No. I’m a fully grown adult, Mr. Miller. Do note that I’m in my twenties,” you schooled him persistently.

“Twenties? Wow, you’re truly ancient.”

“Yeah and you’re a dinosaur, Mr. Miller.”

The silly quarrel you’ve gotten into with the older man made Sarah burst into laughter, breaking your tenacity and effectively making you laugh along with her.

It was the first time in forever that the Millers laughed that hard together.

As the evening sun painted the kitchen in sepia hues, you stood before the cutting board; a bunch of onions staring right back at you, waiting to be transformed. You have always been passionate about cooking as you viewed it a stress-relieving activity, similar to those medley of coloring books marketed for adults. With a polished kitchen knife in hand and earphones stuffed in, you began your culinary adventure. Your hands moved swiftly, guided by blind confidence. The rhythmic sound of knife to wood began to echo all around the room.

“What are you cookin’ up?”

You could hear him as clear as day, timbre vibrating through your ear canals. Only then did you notice that he had indeed pulled one of your neatly stuffed earphones away, leaving you exposed to the world. To him who you’ve been avoiding despite your little chat in the truck. You looked dumbstruck. Lost in your own thoughts, your eyes wandered up the pools of honey in his eyes. The subtle movements, his thoughtful expression, all seemed to weave a tapestry of intrigue in your mind.

“I’m just chopping up onions here. Nothing exciting, really.”

It took all of you to tear yourself away from his gaze. Even so, the sensation lasted, leaving an anchor of trepidation in your chest.

“You’re back early,” you remarked matter-of-factly.

“Construction guys finished cementing early. Why? You miss me?”

You chuckled fondly. Only to shake your head as you mouthed a brief ‘no’. It’s hard not to entertain the cheeky older man despite your best effort. He was better than you could ever imagine from the confines of your laptop. He had a personality, one that easily made anyone hooked, and a kind heart, therefore it’s terribly hard to keep your burning feelings at bay. It’s wrong. Terribly wrong to view him as such when you’re almost entirely sure he viewed you as his kin, as someone to protect and show guidance to. You were drawn to him like a moth to flame, but he didn’t need to know that.

A sudden lapse in concentration caused your knife to slip, nicking your finger in the process.

A sharp sting shot through your hand.

Then a bead of crimson appeared, mingled with the pungent scent of onions.

“Shit..”

Momentarily stunned, you sucked in a sharp breath, your eyes widened with surprise. It didn’t hurt that bad yet, but it’s still a sight that made you frantic and out of your element. You instinctively brought your injured finger close to your tightly pressed lips, intending to investigate the severity of the wound. Droplets of blood seeped its way through the slim cut as you pressed on the soft pads of your pointer finger. You need to get the wound clean and so tap water was your first option.

However, fate had other plans in store.

“Oh no.. does it hurt, sweetheart?”

You grimaced at the nickname. This wasn’t a good time to get all desperate, but his voice did nothing but burn you with need. Without hesitation, Mr. Miller took hold of your nicked finger, his touch tender and reassuring. He guided your finger closer to his lips and in the many years you've lived, this was the most sensual scene you’ve ever witnessed. Your eyebrows quivered, a mixture of confusion and anticipation swirled within you. 

He was your drug.

One touch and the intoxication was fatal. Whatever he wants to do is what you’ll do and there isn't a thing you can do to stop him - not that you’d want to.

With gentle care, he leaned in. He had to crouch ever so slightly to get to your level and never once did his velvety brown eyes leave yours. You’re starting to think that he was doing it on purpose. That this entire scene you’re trying to make sense of was just a part of his orchestrated show, that he indeed felt the same way you do and was just as afraid of confronting it. Though you’re never really sure; the sheer attention he gave you made your brain turn into mush.

His warm breath ghosted over the wound, and before you knew it, he pressed a soft, delicate kiss on where crimson was pooling. Your breath caught in your throat. You wanted to choke. The sting that had plagued you a moment ago now seemed to dissipate into thin air, replaced by a warmth that spread from your hand to every inch of your aching body. His mouth was a furnace. Plush at all sides as his slick tongue stuck flat against the nick.

The concentration in his face, the emphasized crows feet, the stray strands of brown dappled on his sweaty forehead. 

“It’s a little old-fashioned, I know,” he whispered, his eyes locked with yours, “but sometimes a little love can make the pain go away.”

“Love?” you mumbled foolishly, still in a trance.

“You’re a part of the Millers, remember?”

What he said stung you more than the nick. It pushed you off the ledge of delusions. Your gaze slowly grew somber despite your best efforts to stay nonchalant.

“Of course, Mr. Miller.”

The steady patter of rain upon his window stirred Joel awake, droplets yet to scatter the nascent rays of the settling moon. A strange occurrence for late summer. Though, the gentle sound brought a certain calmness to his mind; a soothing melody, one that stripped him of fear and incompetence. He looked around, blurry vision still intact while he scrambled to find the time. His alarm clock flashed back the time in big bold numbers. Barely past midnight, he noted internally. Joel wasn’t so sure on why his throat felt incredibly parched, dry to the bone, in need of refreshment even when it’s only been a few hours since he tucked himself in. Was it the one beer he had at dinner?

With an irritated sigh, he groggily stumbled out of bed. His knees creaked at its rusty hinge everytime he took a step down the dimly lit staircase of his home. He felt like a nutcracker. An old worn-out one at that. He wondered if he’s gotten too old for this, too old for construction and his side job - has he developed arthritis? His worries came to a halt when a soft glow caught his attention, emanating from a partially open door. 

If he remembered correctly, it was the small room by the garage he’s gifted to you. 

Curiosity piqued, he hesitated for a moment.

Would he be an absolute prick if he took a short peak? Probably. But you interest him. You’ve always been interesting to him, in ways that confuses him more often than he’d like.

He neared the door. One step at a time, praying to whatever God up there that’d be kind enough not to let the wooden boards ahead of him creak at his heavy steps. In that solitary moment, he felt a mixture of emotions welling up within him. It was as if he knew that he was about to stumble upon a secret, a private moment that’d be permanently embedded in his mind. He contemplated once again when he’s just a step away from getting a clear view. Respect for you tugged at his conscience, yet an overwhelming ugly curiosity pushed him to stay, to try to understand the significance of your nocturnal act.

His brown eyes peered through the small gap left.

He could see you now, but you couldn’t see him.

In the dappled moonlight, he carefully mapped out each and every one of your soft curves. How you were bathed in gentle light, sat comfortably on top of your stacked comforter as you typed away at your laptop with lightning-like speed. How you slowly leaned forward to get a closer look at the blaring screen, hair left relaxed and rear-end clearly emphasized by your inept sleeping shorts. How you eagerly repositioned yourself, straddling two rolled pillows as if you were to ride a horse. Joel didn’t mean to look. He didn’t mean to stare in such a perverted, disgusting manner. You were just too captivating and he was one weak-willed man.

With bated breath, he continued to observe.

Joel found himself captivated, his thirst momentarily forgotten, as he marveled at the scene unfolding in front of him.

This was wrong, he reminded himself. This was you he was looking at, not anyone else. You who he always viewed as a wide-eyed young girl still trying her best to navigate around her life. You who’s naive enough to believe his lies that the pink condom packets in his pick-up truck were single-packet wet tissues. You who’s sweet enough to cook his entire family a good dinner for once; turkey, mash, and green beans. He shouldn’t be looking at you like this. He shouldn’t crave you, because you’re you and he’s him.

His dilemma fell short when you clumsily tugged both your thin shorts and cotton panties off your legs, shin planted deeply into the pristine comforter. Your cunt gleamed under the thick moonlight, arousal formed in globs of clear stickiness right around where your tiny hole appeared. The visage caused him to stiffen in his sweatpants, twitching uncontrollably as he watched you rub yourself along the soft material.

Joel had a first-class view on how you cautiously ground down against it and he was.. shamefully thrilled. A moan bubbled up, before you did it again, and again, and again, each time the pillow appeared more and more damp.

“Fuck,” you hissed to yourself and it drove Joel insane. He pushed his pants down embarrassingly as if he’s some teenage boy catching a coincidental sight of a strip tease, before he cupped himself through his briefs. You’re putting on such a good show, even when it’s not for him, or for anyone on that matter. He watched with anticipation as you leaned back on both hands, edging yourself, before you rutted against it desperately.

Your hole throbbed, contracting and loosening everytime the soft material made contact with your sensitive nub. It’s all that you focus on now. Which was working wonders, considering your quiet gasps and labored breaths were starting to turn into much vulgar noises. Loud moans and whimpers that made Joel’s cock grew with interest, dribbling with pre-cum and desire.

“Please, please, please,” you begged breathlessly.

Both of your hands disappeared for a split second. He wondered silently where it went, but the honest shadows on your wall told him more to the story. You were cupping both your breasts, massaging it kindly before going over to pinch and roll your nipples to harden. You seemed to be sensitive there. Would you enjoy his thick fingers around them?

“More.. oh please,” you begged helplessly.

He wished to come and help you, to stick a finger into that tight hole of yours, to circle your clit with his thumb, flicking indulgently until you gave up. But it’s all a part of his far-fetched fantasy. Watching is more than enough for now. Joel couldn’t even see your face, but this entire thing got him off better than all the pornos he’s personally made.

“I’m gonna- oh, oh, God.”

Your cries echoed around the room, He could see how you quivered, thighs clamping shut around the drenched pillow as you reached your final ecstasy. Everytime you rolled back, he salivated over the sight of your sopping cunt. Untouched and sensitive even from just humping. Your thrusts never falter, not even when you’re making a mess on top of the once pristine, white pillow. What a dirty girl.

Joel watched you until the very end. Right until you collapsed forward, flat on your stomach after exerting such work on your body.

Cock sore and in need of relieving.

Though, something else caught his interest. A revelation that he found to be more important to comprehend than the state of his throbbing cock. 

The video you're watching to get yourself off.

They were his.

[m4nspr34d]

TWENTYSOMTHIN’

Dean Winchester X M!reader

Warnings : Angst, fluff. Nothing extreme

Summary : After a few years of dating you finally bring up the topic of marriage, which you two have only briefly spoken about. Dean shows displeasure at the idea, reminding you of when you first met.

It had been months since you and Dean had spoken about where your relationship was heading for the future, something that he got angsty about when you brought it up. Marriage was a big no for him; and for a long time, you were completely with him.

Your eyes followed him as his head moved to the best of guns and roses playing, watching as he loaded the shotguns full of salt. The thought was unbearable, you couldn’t shake it no matter how hard you tried.

“What’d you do if I proposed?” He stopped, his eyes widening for a moment as his hands halted. “What?” His eyes stayed on the shotgun, his hands still. “If I proposed.” You placed the shotgun onto the table, leaning back and crossing your arms, letting him know this was the conversation you wanted to have; the one you needed to have. “Are you gonna?” His eyes lifted, his eyebrows doing the same. “Well— No.” You said, thinking for a moment. You weren’t sure if he meant at this very moment, or ever, but no seemed like a good choice for now. “It doesn’t matter then.”

Your eyebrows furrowed in surprise, watching as he disregarded you and went back to the shotgun. “No, we need to talk about this.” “No, we don’t.” “Yes, we do!” You weren’t going back and forth with him about this, so you tore the shotgun from his grasp and threw it onto the bed, sitting on the edge, having to turn your neck to face him. “What’s this even about, you said you didn’t wanna get married.” He said, a sigh; a deep bothered sigh lining his words. “That was years ago, Dean.” You softened your voice, innocence.

“You know how I feel about it, it’s dumb, the whole thing.” He grimaced at the thought, looking away from you. It wasn’t something you expected him to like, but that didn’t make it any less painful. “I don’t think so.” The tone of your voice dropped, turning you head away from Dean, both of you facing in opposite direction’s. “I’d do anything to put a ring on your finger.” His breath paused. He had never considered it, of course he couldn’t imagine his life without you, he wanted to grow old with you, but he never even saw both of you getting old.

It was silent, he was lost for words, it hurt, it hurt so bad. “Seeing you in a suit, our first dance, sitting at that table with you, eating fancy meals, all of it.” Still silence. You had no more words to say, not till he gave it the light of day, you felt like you were taking to a damn therapist. “Jesus— Will you say something!?” “What’d you want me to say?!” Truly, you had no idea. If he said yes; it’d feel like a compromise, something to shut you up. If he said no; well, you had no clue.

“You know I wanna be with you forever—“ “Then marry me.”

…

“Dean?” “I can’t, you know I can’t. But it means nothing, a ring won’t make us official, that’s our call.” His hand trailed to your’s, his finger tips rubbing against your finger; your empty, ring-less finger. You pulled away, squeezing your eyes shut. You wanted to walk away, come back and forget this conversation happened, but it was too late. You knew he wasn’t ready to commit to you, is he waiting for someone better? No.. Maybe?— No. Your thoughts were the loudest thing in the room, not your words, not his, not even the busted AC. “

“So would you say no?” Your voice was cold, blank as you shut your eyes, taking in the silence while it was there.

He inhaled sharply, biting his lip as he clenched his jaw, balling his hands into a fist. He felt like rolling over and dropping dead, this was the last thing he wanted, it had come on him so unexpectedly, like a bad cold. “Yes.” He said, finally mustering up the courage. You’re eyes squeezing shut as you felt an itch on the corner of your eyelid, followed by a tear as you steadied your prolonged inhale.

You giggled as you watched the twentysomthin’ man smirk at you, licking his teeth as your eyes locked within his. “You’re really something.” Your eyes narrowed as you spoke, chuckling. “Maybe, you like it though.” He said, a sultry tone coating his lips as the words rolled off. You don’t even know this guys name, his age, for all you know he could be some crazy bastard. “You ain’t gonna ask me my name, sweetheart.” His hand leaned against the back of the bench, wiping the snow from it, the small flakes tapping off the sleeve of his jacket. “Enlighten me.” His smirk grew, his head turning away for a moment as his tongue clicked. “Dean.”

Dean. Fitting, not sure why but— it was. 20 Minutes ago you were sitting out the back of the club, contemplating weather to spend your last few bucks on a box of cigs, but you had completely forgotten about it by the time this guy: Dean, had weaselled you down the street to the park bench in the middle of December, snow and all. “Let me guess, bartender?” You were sure you were right, that charming face was bound to get his tips up. “Not even close.” You scoffed, surprised you were wrong. “What is it then.” Your chest rose and sank with each breath, the cold air flowing towards the ever shrinking space between the two. “Cars, I fix cars.” “So a mechanic?” You said, raising your eyebrows, tilting your head. “Guess so.” You decided not to question his awfully vague answer. “And you?” He said, his eyes still fixed on you, the small white dots of frosty snow scattered around your clothes. “In between.” “In between jobs and you have time to blow your buck on a cheap bar in the middle of the city?” His voice laced with that undermining tone he’d been slipping.

Who even was this guy, really. You couldn’t wrap your head around it, something so unexpected, so— everything. “Tell me somethin’, you got a boyfriend? A husband?” He said, his eyes widening as his words trailed. “God no, never. Marriage makes me nauseous.” A chuckle followed you words, a quick glance to the marina, the snow lacing the black railing. “There has got to be a catch with you.” The tension was tight, airtight, feeling the air around you stiffen, the snow became background, your attention fixated on him, and only him.

Divider’s: @cafekitsune 💌 : Another short little fic. In complete honesty, I acc got the idea from the song twentysomthings, i’m not acc sure who sings but, oh well! But I got like, this cute little picture in my mind of Dean and whoever sitting out on a bench by the water late at night, snow everywhereee!! Super cute imo. I’ll try my best to do a longer more fleshed out fic, and eventually smut when i’m ready. 🌹

[pastelclovds]

SLASHERS RANKED FROM LOUDEST TO QUIETEST IN BED !

⟡₊˚ ୭ slashers in order of rank ! billy lenz, stu macher, brahms heelshire, bubba sawyer, kurt kunkle, billy loomis, herbert west, jason vorhees, vincent sinclair, thomas hewitt, bo sinclair, micheal myers. ⟡₊˚ ୭ content warnings ! amab reader (no pronouns tho), top dom reader, sub bottom slashers, anal sex, possesive & obsessive behavior (billy lenz), brat taming (stu & billy loomis). ⟡₊˚ ୭ word count ! 1,315 words ⟡₊˚ ୭ authors note ! happy (late) valentines day! ;D

LOUDEST. ↴

♡ BILLY LENZ -> because of his mental illness, billy is very loud and expressive. from down right dirty rambles to him shouting about the various ways to end someone. billy is unpredictable, not knowing when his next outburst with come up. but one thing that is predictable about him is his volume when he's fucking with you. this man is so loud that you need to literally gag him so that he could shut up and not annoy your neighbors (he's into it tho). billy will giggle almost insanely while also letting out deep moans when riding you. when your pounding into the spot that will make him see stars, he will make it known to your neighbors of your private time together by screaming out your name and laughing like a madman. he always rambles about how good your dick is, how you are his and only his, how he would kill anyone who touches you, and all kinds of dirty talk. and knowing him, it's probably not far from the truth.

♡ STU MACHER -> this is no surprise at all. stu is known for his extroverted (and slightly annoying) personality. it's one of the reasons why he became popular after all, so you can imagine how loud he is in bed. when stu is feeling bratty, he will moan and beg so loudly even when you tell him to be quiet. but when you put him in his place, his whimpers are the cutest. while stu can be a little shit, he can hold his noises back a bit when he genuinely doesn't want to make you disappointed in him. although it doesn't last long. in his mind, when he gets loud, he is expressing how good you make him feel (which is every time you have sex). overall he is loud but he can keep himself quiet if he really tries (and ends up failing).

♡ BRAHMS HEELSHIRE -> its impossible for this baby to control his noises. he tries so hard, he really does. but the way your dick rubs against his walls makes him moan out to the sky above. brahms always wants to be a good boy for you, the way he moans out your name and whines when your cock hits his prostate makes you glad that the mansion you two live in is miles away from anyone being able to hear you two fuck like rabbits. when you tell him to not hold back his sounds, he will sing like a canary. but when you tell him to keep quiet, the poor man will try with all his might.

♡ BUBBA SAWYER -> since bubba is nonverbal he relies on his noises to tell people how he is feeling. that's no different when he's having sex with you. he loves the feeling of your dick abusing his hole and using him for all he's worth, his adorable soft squeals sound like a piglet. he's a big whiner and squealer. and as much as he likes to show you how good you make him feel, he knows he can't be too loud because he doesn't want to hear their endless teasing in the morning. but when you two are alone, he goes wild. I'm talking, high pitched moans, squeals, whines, groans the whole batch. and when he feels too good, he might not want to end after three rounds.

NOISY. ↴

♡ KURT KUNKLE -> while kurt is not as loud as the four above him, he still has his moments when you need to silence his noises with your hand. he can keep his sounds in check if you two are fucking in his house when his parents are home, but if are being particularly rough with him that day, he can't stop even a few moans escaping. honestly, with how pretty he and his sounds are, he might as well start an onlyfans. and you wouldn't mind showing to the world how good you make your baby.

♡ BILLY LOOMIS -> this brat just loooves to piss you off. he knows how much you love to hear him moan like a cheap slut, so he purposefully bits his lips or use him hands to mute himself. he wants you to put him in his place under you, but afterwards you treat him like a princess. he is certainly not as loud as his bestfriend. but if you want him to let his beautiful noises, you have to work for it. and the reward is worth it to see his fucked out face grow dumb on your cock as you two make sure your neighbors don't can't.

♡ HERBERT WEST -> herbert is always so busy with his work, so as soon as he's done, he wants to be with you. although he will never admit it, he craves you and always wants your attention. that being said, herbert isn't really the loudest. he does moan loudly ever now and then when you make him feel really good. but he sometimes holds his sounds back because he is embarrassed at how loud he can be. but once you and him get closer, he will become a bit more vocal.

QUIET. ↴

♡ JASON VORHEES -> jason is a good boy for you and only you, he becomes flustered at the simplest of praises, and although he isn't the loudest, he is still cute. he makes adorable whines and soft moans when you thrust your dick against just the right spots. when you and him become closer, he would whisper in your ear almost silently about the pleasurable experience you're gifting him.

♡ VINCENT SINCLAIR -> vincent wants you to know how much pleasure you give him, he wants you to know how much he loves you, but he can't. it's not that he doesn't want to, it's because his vocal cords are messed up. so it's very difficult for him to speak. so you always listen closely whenever you two are getting down and dirty, and you treasure every whimper and quiet moan from him.

♡ THOMAS HEWITT -> thomas may be a cannibal murderer to others, but to you, he is a big teddy bear. even though he can't express his feelings through speech, he can express how he feels towards you with acts of service. and one of his favorite act of services is through sex, more specifically by riding you until he is breathing loudly and letting out deep groans of your name. he doesn't get any louder than the usual moan here and there. but he desperately wants you to know that he loves you, only you.

SILENT. ↴

♡ BO SINCLAIR -> bo is the type of guy to believes that him making any noise during sex would make him look weak and unmanly. even when you and him grow to love each other, and even when your cock is so deep inside him and pounding away every thought that comes to his mind, he won't let a single sound come out of his mouth. the man is stubborn and prideful, but if you make him go through a couple of rounds and cum more times than he can count, then he will let out a few moans, but nothing else. this bastard is strong.

♡ MICHEAL MYERS -> dead silent. sometimes when you're fucking him you worry if he's passed out (or dead) and stop to ask if he's okay, only for him to hit you on the arm and let out an unpleased grunt because you stopped. the only noises he lets out are his labored breaths, deep grunts, and rarely moans. he lets you know what to do by signing things like, 'so good' or 'faster'. he still enjoys your company and wants you to know, but in his own silent (and slightly creepy) way.

all rights reserved © pastelclovds. all fanfics belong to me, please do not copy, translate, repost, nor recommend on tiktok the fics seen below as this is strictly prohibited. anyone found doing so will be contacted immediately.

[mommykinks4matt]

Matt the first time he says I love you

omg i have 2 different ideas,

matt knew the moment he loved you. but the thought of you not feeling the same way terrified him. he can't hide his feelings very well but he tried his best, honestly. he was driving you back home in a comfortable silence, but you could tell something was up. glancing over at matt you could tell he was anxious about something. his pale hands gripped the steering wheel tighter than usual, posture more upright than usual, and he was avoiding any and all contact with you, afraid that he would slip up. "i had a lot of fun today, i loved spending the day with you" you spoke, attempting to break the silence. you shifted in your seat, turning your body to face his. he was silent for what felt like forever before speaking up. "yeah, same here. i love you- fuck i meant love spending time with you-" he began to ramble. his cheeks turned bright red as he got more nervous,hoping you didn't catch his mistake. "matt?, did you just say you love me? still avoiding eye contact ,he shyly nodded, embarrassed. "yeah i did and i'm sorry if i pressured you or anything, you don't have to say it ba-" "i love you too" you said unable to hide your smile. matt froze up completely, "you do?" he asked, letting out the breath he was holding while finally making eye-contact. "yes matt i do, i love you" you giggled. his grip on the wheel loosened and he moved a hand off the wheel to entangle it with yours. he placed a small kiss on the back of your hand before focusing back on the road.

nsfw !

corny i know but i fear matt is the type to say i love you during sex.

matt is very vocal and loud during sex. he's the loudest when you're riding him. coming down from a previous orgasm. matt was craving more. he was begging for more, begging you to ride him. he was sat up against the headboard, covered in sweat, messy hair, and his lower half was covered in cum. his eyes fluttered open, scanning your body he locked eyes with you. calloused hands moved to grip your thigh. "p-please ride me" he whimpered, never breaking eye contact, even giving you puppy eyes. "you sure you can handle another orgasm baby?" you questioned, not wanting to overstimulate him. you remained in your place next to him on the bed, not moving a muscle until you were sure he could take more. "yes i can p-fuck please please" he pleaded with you. you quickly switched positions,hovering over his cock. his hands moved towards your waist, gripping tightly while you sunk down. after a few moments you started moving your hips. whimpers and moans came from the both of you. matt threw his head back, pleasure slowly taking him over. you sped up your hips, being completely selfish and chasing your own orgasm. "fuck matt you feel so good, i feel so full" you moaned. your tits bounced as your pace increased. "fuck i-i'm close already" he stuttered out. a few more bounces from you and his cock began twitching inside you, signaling he was close. "yeah? gonna cum for me?" you spoke. "yes f-fuck- gonna cum just for you please" he groaned. he looked up at you for permission before he released. you nodded and pausing all movements to prevent overstimulation. "ngh- fuck fuck i love you , - i'm cumming" he babbled out not realizing what he said. silence rang throughout the room. "you what?" you asked, making sure you heard right. "wh-what did i say something wrong'' he genuinely was confused, "you said you loved me matt". "oh shit well i didn't lie, and it wasn't just out of pleasure either'' he confessed. "nice timing idiot, i love you too''

i got carried away my bad but my two cents :)

[spacefinch]

Makoto: YOU CAN'T CHANGE THE VOLUME OF THE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD. FUCKING TRY, I DARE YOU. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE AND ITS REALLY FUCKING WITH MY MIND, SOMEONE HUG ME. Usagi: I CAN MAKE IT SCREAM WITHOUT GETTING LOUDER, H E L P Ami: Holy shit, whispering is the same volume as shouting as loud as I can. What have you done? Mamoru: We think in concepts. Concepts have no volume. Because a thought is the loudest silence of all. Makoto: Whoa there, Socrates.

[cyanocoraxx]

on rishi sunak's (uk prime minster) recent statement;

it's difficult to articulate trans fear to other people. it's difficult to say that in the uk there were over 2,630 victims of trans-specific hate crimes in 2021. it's difficult to convey that 88% of trans people in the uk don't report hate crimes to the police. it's disgusting to have to say that the numbers are going up every year. yes, up - and it's getting worse.

you might think that public figures coming for trans people isn't a big deal. you might think the prime minister shitting on trans people isn't a big deal. you might not think any of it matters at all until your trans friend, colleague, or sibling becomes one of the thousands who is harassed, attacked, assaulted, or murdered for the crime of being who they are. for simply Existing as a marginalized human being.

rishi sunak has just come out smugly stating that it shouldn't be "controversial" to say that you can't change sex. it's obvious what the intent here is. he says that people cannot “be any sex they want to be”.

“and we shouldn’t get bullied into believing that people can be any sex they want to be. a man is a man, a woman is a woman, that’s just common sense."

the clapping was the loudest here. you're the ones being bullied? you're the victims? please.

statements like these have a 100% direct correlation to the attacks, the murders, the assaults, and the harassment of transgender people. he then swiftly goes on to talk about family. loving your family - as if to separate us from that. as if to say that we are undeserving of the same love. it's this continued othering of transgender human beings.

have you considered what it's like to grow up as a trans person?

to dress the way you want to and to go out and to wonder if the person across the street is plotting to harass you? to pause in a brief flash of fear before going to the toilet because you're not sure if it's safe to use it? you're in an enclosed space, after all - if the people in there decide they don't like you, you're trapped. have you considered waking up to the news of your trans friends and family in other countries stripped of rights, criminalized, being called p*dophiles, murdered, jumped, beaten, betrayed? if your friend will become that person who is jumped, beaten, murdered, and betrayed? the atmosphere of terror that trans people live in every day? the weight that it has? the sheer, unrelenting weight?

we can't even pretend our country is on our side. there is no neutrality in a situation like this.

the situation is this: they want to distract us from the real issues in the uk and it's clear. the fact that people can't afford to live. the fact that people need to wait for hours to see a doctor in an emergency. our decaying water infrastructure. the climate crisis. children living in poverty. but no - take a pop at the 0.4% of transgender people in the country instead.

more and more people are coming out as bizarre transphobic demagogues who want to see trans people gone or carted away or silenced because we are their scapegoats. make us out to be clowns to hide their own circus of failures. it's easy to pin the blame for our malaise on whatever crisis is affecting us. it's more difficult to look at the bigger picture, but we have to.

too long didn't read version: jog on rishi sunak

[omegaremix]

I found a great idea from one of my all-time favorite bands. Ten questions and answers about my live concert experiences. I had posted them on my sister site @ourladyofomega, but this is the remix. I took the time to explain each one in full.

Dollar values double with each one.

First concert: Dream Theater + Big Wreck @ Vanderbilt Planetarium. A former “friend” became the lucky winner of a radio-station giveaway. The prize? 16 free tickets to this show. We ended up with balcony seats and my “friend” invited our former co-worker from the department store we used to work at.

Last concert: Cold Waves XI (Lana Del Rabies + Ash Code + Sierra + JK Flesh + Orphx + Front Line Assembly w. Skold) @ Le Poisson Rouge. Part of the Triple Crown Victory Weekend that consisted of meeting my Italian-Irish family at a cousin’s engagement party (Friday), and getting an amazing cakeday gift box from a Welsh girl in Detroit (Saturday). This was a (Sunday) show that I waited at the last-minute to purchase tickets and wound up going. Who in the fuck’s idea was it to not have a NYC Cold Waves this year?

Worst concert: none. I make sure all shows I go to are ones to remember. But, if you ask me about the worst band I saw, then Hemlock takes that title. They opened with Meshuggah and Ministry (headliners). Everyone in Irving Plaza just stood there silent seeing this outdated nu-metal band trying to get it going. They were still unknowns after being fifteen years of band, and looks like no one remembers them after that. Good.

Loudest concert: Dream Theater + Big Wreck. Did I say this was my first-ever concert? I had no idea how loud it was going to be. Without question, this one was deafening. I’m not sugarcoating it. I had to cover my ears the entire time up in the balcony seats because all I heard was this shrieking wall of white noise. I remember almost nothing of that night other than the fact that I was there.

Best concert: Hospital Productions' 20th (Godflesh + Prurient + Orphx + etc.) @ Warsaw. This was at a time when I started taking the NYC scene seriously. I just got out of nine months of stay-at-home post-surgery recovery, and I had a new clarity coming out of it. Hospital Productions 20th marked an important point in my life: it made me decide that this was the place and people I wanted to be associated with. I also got to see some amazing artists: Dominick Fernow / Prurient, Orphx, Dedekind Cut, Nothing, and Godflesh. Three of those artists I’ve already seen twice in one point in life and another.

Seen the most: Uniform (3) @ Output, Saint Vitus, and Knockout Center. There was a bill with Uniform opening, then Pharmakon, Prurient, Aaron Dilloway with Genesis P. Orridge, and Merzbow. The line to get in Output was pretty long that I missed half of Uniform’s set and didn’t know who they were until I got more into them. I finally redeemed myself to see them in their entirety at Saint Vitus with a lineup of Michael Berdan, Ben Greenberg, touring drummer Michael Blume, and bassist Jenna Rose of Anatomy. Redemption fulfilled. The third? At Sacred Bones 15th. They were an added bonus right after Jim Jarmusch / Squrl, so why not?

Most surprising: Sacred Bones 15th @ Knockout Center. I have dreams where I end up in so many weird places that could have existed but didn’t. They are no different from the places I experienced. Downstairs record stores, schools, quiet snowy roads, city streets and highways. It’s an alternate reality that’s slightly shifted within itself. I entered Queens’ Knockout Center for Sacred Bones’ 15th where Constant Smiles started the evening so quietly. I was blown away by the first moments of it. People were standing and sitting on the floor in silence during the set. The sinking sun’s rays blasted through the venue’s windows giving light to the current space, as if this show started in the wee hours of the day. This was surreal! It wasn’t anything like I ever experienced before. But that’s not all. What other show I went to had a lecture hall on the line-up ? LD Deutsch’s essay about time, which had everyone sit in classroom setting. I said to myself: “these weird things are happening that normally aren’t. Am I dreaming, or am I in a dream?!” I look back and it was an amazing experience. Nothing like it ever since.

Happy I got to see: Skinny Puppy + Lead Into Gold @ Irving Plaza. No other show I went to had the biggest one-day payoff. You will all kill me when I say this, but I once told myself that it was no big deal if I never got to see Skinny Puppy. WRONG. They announced a farewell tour, and I asked myself how big of a deal that was. I quickly reconsidered. I got my tickets the minute they went up for sale. So what did $150.00 buy me? An unforgettable experience; that’s what. Meeting up with five Tumblr mutuals to see Lead Into Gold and one of Skinny Puppy’s final legendary shows. We had pizza nights, walks around Manhattan, car rides to club night for an amazing after-party, and just shilling around absorbing an experience that’s very rare to have. And, as a special bonus, meeting Ministry's Paul Barker and buying merch- from him. I still can’t believe it. It’s very rare to have Perfect 10-days in my life. This was indeed one of them.

Wish I could have seen: none. I have seen all my desired bands on my list. Nine Inch Nails, Ministry, Killing Joke, Front 242, Skinny Puppy, and Front Line Assembly. That leaves KMFDM the only one left on my bucket list. I’ve seen other artists I wanted to with little or no effort. Those were Indecision, Unsane, Bauhaus, Linkin Park, Cold Cave, Snoop Dogg, Boy Harsher, Atari Teenage Riot, Pharmakon, Prurient, Merzbow, Black Marble, Nas…I could go further if you want me to. I have all day.

Next concert: I’m still on the fence to go see KEN Mode + Hide @ TV Eye and / or Balvanera @ Synthicide. I may not go, because I decided not to do anything by myself again after seeing both of last year’s shows with mutuals. But, we shall see. Wanna' play? Be my guest.

[cruel-summerxy]

'cause you're just a man, it’s just what you do - brad bakshi x reader

summary ➞ Brad is known as the meanest person around the office. You get close to him and realize how much of a dick he truly is. word count: 5.9k words.

tags ➞ brad bakshi being a cunt, a kiss, reader actually being nice to david, Jo being a little bitch. briefly mention of alcohol and him being drunk, just brad being a dumb bitch tbh.

based on lana del rey’s song “norman fucking rockwell”

a/n ➞ i'm obsessed with mythic quest! so expect some more works about them (maybe a part two or a brad and david work is next) thank you for reading!!! comments and reblogs are appreciated <3

You weren’t stupid. When you had applied as the assistant for Mythic Quest’s executive producer you knew that it was going to be hectic– he was the most important person in the actual office. What you hadn’t expected was his old assistant to make your life a living hell. You had quickly learned that her name was Jo and that she had left David for the head of monetization. If you were being honest you didn't know why she had decided to leave, David was the sweetest man and was such a great boss. 

It had been two weeks since you had started working at Mythic Quest and things were going pretty well (Jo’s actual vendetta against you hadn’t begun just yet). One afternoon you made your way to get a snack when you heard Jo let out what you assumed to be a gleeful scream. You looked around to see what all the commotion was, spotting a tall and lean man entering the office. His sharp features made you do a double take– he was really handsome. You saw David and a few of the others going to meet the man.

“Who's that and why is Jo screaming,” you wondered out loud.

“That’s Brad, she assists him. And I’m not really sure why she’s screaming.” Poppy muttered. She had somehow sneaked beside you without making any noise, her silence soon came to an end as she searched the pantry for a snack.

“I haven’t seen him around,” you admitted as you handed Poppy your bag of hot cheetos. David had mentioned once or twice that Poppy went wild when the office ran out of the snack (you had seen that you had gotten the last bag and you didn’t want to be on her bad side).

“Thanks,” Poppy smiled, “yeah he was out for the last month. He had some personal shit going on but he’s back. Jo has been in such a shitty mood lately, hopefully with his arrival she’ll calm down.”

You nodded in agreement. You had noticed that Jo wasn’t the nicest person to be around. In one of your exchanges she had threatened to “drag you by the hair” if you didn’t get David to sign some papers that her boss had sent over the day before. David has assured you that she was joking. If you were being honest, the girl scared you.

“Is Brad like way nicer than David? Is that why she left?” you genuinely asked. Poppy stayed quiet for a moment and then proceeded to let out the loudest laugh. Her laugh had caused Brad and the others to look your way. Poppy took a deep breath and wiped away the tears that her laughing had caused.

“He is the actual devil himself Y/N. The man is a sell out and has made many, including myself, cry. Do not get near that man unless you really have to. He will make you suffer,” Poppy warned. And with that the conversation ended. She signaled you to follow her and made her way to the rest of her peers. 

“It was actually hell without you Brad. David got a new assistant and I envy you for not meeting her yet.” Jo informed her boss ecstatically.

“Jo… she’s really sweet, be nice.” David warned. Jo rolled her eyes at his remark and looked at Ian to have her back. 

“You got a new assistant?” Ian asked skeptically, “I haven’t seen her.”

David looked at the man in disbelief. He had made it known around the office that he now had an assistant who actually respected him and who listened to his orders. You were a little hurt by his comment, you had made small talk with him at least three times since you had been there and each time you presented yourself as David’s assistant. Had the man not paid attention?

“She’s that boring huh,” Brad laughed. Well that hurt more. The man hadn’t even met you and he was already talking shit (and he gave you enough reasons to hate him without actually having a conversation with him).You bit your lip as Poppy’s words from earlier rang in your head. If you stayed away from the man you’d be fine.

“Guys she’s right here,” Poppy blurted out but when everyone turned to her direction no one was next to her. “She was just here…”

“I just got here and Poppy is already delusional. Classic Poppy,” Brad smiled widely and winked in her direction. 

.

You had just finished one of David’s requests when you heard someone behind you groaning. To be fair you had been blocking the hallway with the small bookcase you had just finished building. A red blush covered your face when you realized that it was Brad who let out the annoyed noise.

“I apologize,” you whispered as you gathered the tools you had used to build the piece of furniture.

“I didn’t know we had a handyman in here now, wait handywoman…?” Brad corrected himself. He watched as you quickly moved the bookcase to the edge of the hallway. In your defense no one ever went to that end of the hallway so you assumed that it was the best place to do your building.

“Oh I’m not a handywoman, I’m David’s assistant.”

The man nodded his head, “well David’s assistant, you forgot to connect the last shelf to the backboard.” And with that he was gone. He hadn’t even introduced himself– he didn’t even give you the chance to reveal your name. 

“Damn it,” you whined as you saw that Brad had been right.

“Y/N!” you heard David shout from his office. You quickly made your way to your boss, happy to actually do something. Ever since you had finished building the bookcase David had let you do whatever you wanted, it seemed that it was an easy and quiet day.

“Yes,” you smiled widely at your boss. Something was different, you felt something was off as soon as you entered his office.

“Brad here can’t find his headphones. Have you seen them anywhere?” 

Well, that's why you had felt something was off. Usually it was you and David in the room. You stood quiet, trying to remember if you had come across them. 

“I don’t think so sir.” you replied. This caused the tall man to snicker. David and you exchanged a look and decided to ignore Brad’s judgment. David nodded at your answer and asked you to keep an eye out for them. 

“I can do that sir.” you spoke in a hushed tone and practically ran out of the room. You were two offices down and yet you could hear Brad making fun of you to David. 

“I can do that sir. Let me go ahead and suck your-”

“Brad.” David warned the man. You cursed mentally as it dawned on you that David and Brad shared an office. How were you supposed to stay out of the man’s path when he was in the same room that you spent most of your time in?

..

“Are you going to the Holiday Party?” Rachel asked one day. Christmas was near and David had planned a party, the man couldn’t wait for the entire office to see what he had planned. He had made you go over multiple lists, various times. 

“Yup, David is so excited.” you smiled. 

“Aw that's so cute,” Dana chimed into the conversation. The three of you had gone to lunch together the day before and were now making excuses to talk to each other throughout the day. David had wanted something from the pantry and you had taken it upon yourself to go, knowing that the girls would be near there. That and you didn’t want to be alone in the room with Brad. You searched the shelves for his drink and listened to Dana and Rachel bicker amongst each other. 

“I heard he’s going to make us partner up for a game,” Rachel said excitedly, “me and you, Dana?” The shorter girl giggled and nodded. 

The party looked better than you had imagined. David really had an eye for decoration. You wouldn’t admit it out loud, but you were proud of him. Everyone seemed to give your boss such a hard time, he truly deserved better.

“Don’t tell me you don’t have a partner either,” a certain someone groaned. You rolled your eyes and shook your head. Brad sighed heavily and stood next to you. If you were honest, you weren’t sure what game David was making everyone play. It had to do something with partners and alcohol. As if on cue, Brad’s eyes flickered toward the cup of coke that you were drinking.

"You don’t drink?” the tall man asked, surprised. You shook your head once again. “Do you just not talk sometimes?”

“I do,” you exhaled.

“Okay well, you are now my partner for this stupid game,” Brad declared, not letting you protest. You looked around, trying to see if someone needed a partner but alas you did not. 

“You hate me that much huh.” 

“No- I do not hate you. I’m just exploring my options,” you explained, “plus I don’t drink so I don’t think I’ll be the best partner.”

He looked at you with a hint of curiosity, “it’s all good, I can do the drinking Y/N. Just follow my lead and we’ll beat these losers.”

You laughed at his confidence. When David was explaining the very complicated rules your eyes had wandered around and noticed that Brad hadn’t been paying attention to your boss; yet there he stood assuring you that you would be victorious. 

“You’re laughing now but you’ll see.”

“Brad and Y/N have been eliminated,” David spoke through the microphone.

“Boom bitches!” Poppy beamed across the room.

“Geeze Poppy, calm down.” Ian said with wide eyes. She had been doing most of the drinking and it was quite evident. You and Brad gathered your things, making your way up the roof. For some reason that had been one of the rules, so you went up the elevator.

“It was actually fun,” you said as the elevator opened. Brad hummed in agreement. You looked down and saw that he had grabbed a six pack before you had left the floor you had been in. You hadn’t taken him as a heavy drinker, but by the looks of it he was going to continue drinking. With every drink Brad had relaxed and he began making snarky remarks about those around you. And even though you liked to keep up appearances, a few laughs escaped your mouth. Perhaps that’s why Poppy had been glad that you two had been eliminated.

You reached the floor and sat on the ground, noticing that there were only a few others that had been eliminated too. Brad followed your lead and sat next to you. His tall frame brought in some warmth and you smiled. He was way nicer when he was intoxicated. 

“So Y/N, why are you here?” Brad asked with his eyes closed. The wind tousled his hair a bit, exposing more of his forehead. Surprisingly, his hairline wasn’t bad and as you had imagined. The moonlight highlighted the sharp features on his face, you could see that he was extremely handsome. 

“I was in college and I realized that I hated kids,” you confessed. The man opened his eyes and a confused look covered his face. “I was going to become a teacher.” 

“Liberal arts?”

“Yeah.. being in school was all I had known so I just thought why not go into teaching.” you explained to him.

“But you realized that you hated kids.”

“Yes, I hate them. They don’t listen; so I just dropped out of college and never showed back to the internship I had in this private school. And I can feel you already judging me and I’m still going to tell you this: I couldn’t bring myself to say goodbye to the kids. I hated them so much that I couldn't even say goodbye.” 

"I have never enjoyed goodbyes. They sound so final. At the same time I have never liked the words see you later either. They sound so unsure." Brad replied honestly. 

You let out a soft laugh, not sure what you could say to that. The man had a point– saying goodbye was hard. 

“I’m serious Y/N. Sometimes when I know that a conversation is about to end, even if it’s through the phone I pretend that someone needs me so I quickly hang up. Or if it’s in person I act like I’m getting a call.”

“I don’t believe you. Aren’t you known for not caring what others think,” you joked.

“Your point?” Brad questioned you. He lifted an eyebrow, waiting for you to explain yourself.

“My point is: why do you go through all that trouble and still exude so much confidence,” You took a drink from your soda, not wanting to say something that would embarrass you.

“I don’t know…” Brad confessed. Your shoulders relaxed, he wasn’t going to bring up you basically complimenting him. “It’s scary not knowing if you’re actually going to see someone again. And I’m speaking in general, not just in a working environment. Did you know I was left at the altar?”

You shook your head. Everything sort of made sense now. 

“Yeah… the night before she had the nerve to say ‘I won’t say goodbye because I’ll be with you for the rest of my life,’ and then proceeded to not show up. What a lying bitch, pardon my language.” 

“You’re good… If you don’t mind me asking, how long ago was this?” you whispered.

“Two months ago.”

 “Brad…’ you spoke softly. It had been a month and a half since you had arrived, meaning that when you began working at Mythic Quest that’s why he wasn’t there. The “personal business” he was dealing with was him being left at the altar. “Now I feel shitty for being mean to you and pretending you weren’t there..”

“Hey I was the one to start it Y/N. Don’t look at me like that, I don’t need your pity.” Brad’s voice cracked. Him trying to convince you that he was fine made your heart hurt, “I’m good Y/N. There’s nothing that a few drinks can’t fix. Just promise me you’ll be nice from now on. It’s kind of hard being mean to such a sweet person.”

…

The weekend came and went fast. You had been able to catch up on some of the tv episodes you hadn’t watched. Thanks to Brad you didn’t have to spend most of the weekend curing a hangover. Him on the other hand, he probably had a bad weekend. You had to call him an uber and ride with him to his house. The man had way too many drinks and long story short: he refused to ride the car if he didn’t have someone to “protect” him. You also had to open his door and let him into his own home. Somewhere in the drunk conversation that he had with you, he had confessed that he was aware of what others thought of him. 

“I had fun tonight Y/N,” he had slurred, “it’s good that you were there today. Sometimes I talk to the walls when those parties get bored of me. Maybe I should be nicer to those losers.”

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea Brad.”

“Good morning!” you gushed as you entered your boss’ office. You smiled at the man and handed him a coffee, it was the little things that David loved.

“You are so sweet, Y/N. Thanks for the cup of joe.” David sighed with satisfaction and sipped his coffee. You made your way to Brad’s unoccupied desk and set down another cup of coffee. David’s eyes darted to the cup you had set down but said nothing. 

“Do you need anything?” you asked David.

“Yeah, can you go down to the basement and ask Sue what she needs? If I go down there or call her, she is going to bore me to death.” David shuddered at the thought of it.

“That’s not so nice David,” Brad lectured from behind you, “he’s so mean and yet you still work for him, Y/N.”

You smiled at his remark and moved to the side. As soon as you saw Brad’s eyes make their way to the cup of coffee you had brought, you glanced up to the ceiling. David stared at the interaction but decided against saying anything. Who was he to not let Brad and you become friends? If anything he was glad that someone else was doing something nice for Brad. 

He uttered a thank you out loud and with that he began typing on his computer. David opened his mouth and threw two thumbs up your way. You bit your lip, trying not to laugh at David’s excitement. 

“You know, Brad knows it was you.” David spoke, scaring you along the way. You had been in the meeting room with him for nearly two hours and neither of you had said a word for almost an hour. You stopped typing and shot him a confused look. “Your name was on the cup, Brad saw that you were the one who brought the coffee in this morning.”

“Oh, that’s fine… I guess.”

David clapped his hands, “it’s better than fine. He usually throws away the cup when I bring him one.”

“That’s probably because you drink pure frappes. You really do have a problem.”

“Well, regardless of the actual drink, it’s a win Y/N.”

You threw on a smile and walked out of the restroom. It was getting kind of late and you could feel your hands beginning to hurt. For some annoying reason David loved the idea of you writing down his every word and now you were paying the price.

“You had a good bathroom experience?” Brad’s voice chimed from across the hall. He walked fast, catching up to you. You blushed and shook your head. This had to be one of the most embarrassing things that had happened to you within the last two months. You then scolded yourself mentally. The man had been left at the altar and you thought  this was embarrassing.

“No, I just received a text.” you lied through your teeth. How would you explain that if you didn’t smile you would lose your mind.

“Something tells me it’s actually because you went to the restroom.” Brad teased. You both walked back to the office. 

“What if I told you I was smiling because I had ten minutes without David nagging me.” you whispered, joking back. You weren’t sure why, but you wanted to hear him laugh again. The night of the Christmas party he had been you relaxed and laid back, you wanted to hear him being carefree again. 

Brad raised an eyebrow and shook his head, “careful there Y/N. If David finds out what you said he will cry.”

The next day when you got to the office David handed you a coffee and a muffin. You were about to thank him when he raised a finger to his mouth, telling you to be quiet and signaled with his head that it had been Brad who bought you the coffee. Later on the day he complained to you about it.

“He didn't even bring one in for me,” he groaned. A small smile covered your face, but you quickly removed it. 

“So no thank you for the coffee?” Brad asked as you grabbed your belongings. He stopped what he was doing and turned his body to you. He was still sitting down on his desk and looked at you expectantly. The day had finally finished and you were ready to fall asleep.

“Thank you so much for the drink, sir.” you said in a light tone, remembering that he had teased David about that word a week earlier. Something in his eyes glistened and he shook his head slowly. 

“Oh Y/N.” he groaned, “do not call me sir.”

You caught his tone and your mouth opened up in disbelief. He laughed at your expression and went back to whatever was on his computer. 

….

You hadn’t noticed it at first. Being at the office for too long had made you a little delusional so you ignored the feeling of someone following you. You were walking down an empty hallway and decided to turn abruptly. Hiding behind the corner had been the best option, you saw a tall figure making its way to you.

“Who are you!” you shouted, your hands in a fighting position. 

“Jesus Y/N!” Brad sputtered, “What the hell is wrong with you!”

“What's wrong with you? Why the hell are you following me Brad.”

The man stood quiet and bent down, trying to catch his breath. Panic filled your eyes and you bent down with him. You placed your hand on his back and moved it in circles, trying to calm down the man. 

“I’m good, you just scared the shit out of me.” he said, removing himself from you. 

“Yeah, same here. It’s really your fault Brad, why on Earth were you following me?” you complained. 

“You dropped this,” he said as he handed you some papers, “I called your name out, but you didn’t hear. I’m guessing because of the airpods you have on.”

You blushed in embarrassment, it truly was your own fault. In your defense, David had left early and told you to walk around aimlessly in order to get paid for the entire day. So technically it was David’s fault. 

“You didn’t go out for lunch.” you stated as you both went back to his office. He raised his eyebrows, telling you to continue. “Are you not hungry?”

“Nope. I’m good baby.”

You decided to ignore that last part. “Well that’s a shame. I was just about to reheat my left overs. I was willing to share, but you say you're good.” 

“You can’t eat actual meals during working hours Y/N,” Brad warned and pretended to scold you. You shrugged and made your way to the fridge. You could feel him behind you, watching your every move. His eyes widened when he realized you were eating some asada fries. You had decided to eat in his office and motioned him to follow you. 

“Are you sure you don’t want any?” you asked as you sat on David’s chair. You sipped your water and watched as he brought his chair next to yours. A sigh escaped your lips and you handed him a fork. You let him take the first bite and laughed when he moaned. You both continued to eat in silence. People passed the office, watching you both eat out the same plate. Brad got up and closed the blinds, getting annoyed by everyone's stares.

“Everyone is so nosy here.” 

“Guilty as charged,” you confessed. The man lightly laughed and continued eating. “Not to be like extra nosy, but how come you never eat with anyone else.”

“I don’t like eating with others. Some people chew really loud,” he said, insinuating that you chew loud. You rolled your eyes. “I also don’t have anyone to eat with. I’m kind of a loner Y/N.”

“Same.”

“I’ve seen you eat with the annoying girl and her girlfriend though,” he said between bites. 

You wiped your lips and groaned, “she’s not that annoying. Plus they’re really nice.”

“I never said they weren’t nice,” he pointed out, “but you have to admit she’s annoying. You know she’s annoying because I didn’t say her name and yet you know who I’m talking about.”

The following day you were getting out of your car when you felt someone’s presence behind you. You turned around there was Brad, once again.

“Why can’t you make yourself known? Maybe say ‘hey Y/N. I’m behind you.’ Or maybe just cough, Brad.” you ranted.

“Hey Y/N, I’m behind you.” Brad said sweetly. You jokingly rolled your eyes. He kept walking with you, an awkward silence filled the air. What were you supposed to say?

“So are you just following me now?’ you asked as you both walked to the office. He laughed at your joke, closed the door and blinds and sat down on top of his desk.

“You didn’t wait for me. I assumed you were going to take me to the place that sells the food from yesterday. I was even willing to pay for your food Y/N.” His gaze burned your flesh and yet you couldn’t look away. That was what you assumed he wanted. Brad wanted you to make you uncomfortable but you stood your ground. A slight smile appeared on his face, followed by a laugh. 

“Come here.” Brad ordered. You quietly obliged and walked to him, keeping some distance between your bodies. He left the space between you two for a moment but something in him changed, you could see the wheels in his head spinning. His hands found your hips and pulled you into him. You, being the person that you are, gasped when you felt the warmth of his thighs. His left hand met your cheek and he caressed, his hands felt so soft against your own skin. 

“What are you doing,” you mumbled, breaking the little spell that you were under. Brad remained quiet, not letting go of your face. His eyes lowered into your lips. Without thinking, you leaned in towards him. Brad followed your lead and kissed you back. It was so quick, but it had happened. You had felt his lips on yours, and you had enjoyed it. You had enjoyed Brad kissing and didn’t regret it, at least not yet. 

…..

“She has to get out, David. I'm serious.” Brad grunted. The man sighed and put his head on his hands. This was a very stressful meeting and everyone was on edge, especially Brad.

“Why? She’s my assistant.” David said defensively.

“She cannot know about this. What if she leaks the information.” Brad argued as if it was the most obvious thing.

“Jo could too.” David shot back.

“I’m not asking you, I’m telling you!” Brad barked. Both of the men stood up and continued shouting. The rest of you watched the men argue back and forth.

“Should I be typing this?” you asked out loud, trying to lighten the mood. Brad stopped talking and looked at you in disbelief.

“You,” he pointed, “get out. Now. Are you seeing this David? We could lose millions of dollars and your assistant is joking.”

“She's obviously kidding,” David said, aggravated. 

“Y/N, get the fuck out. I am not kidding.” Brad threatened.

“Jesus, Brad.” Ian got into the argument. “I think you need to calm down. Who is she going to leak this to? Plus weren’t you the one who made Poppy leak her shovel last year?”

“That was different.”

This was not good. Not only was David going against, so was Ian. You could already feel how much of a dick Brad was going to be for the rest of the week. Your kiss would be forgotten and this was simply not worth all of the inevitable comments that he and Jo would spew out towards you.

“You know what, I’ll just leave. I have something to take care of either way. Excuse me.” You tried your best to not look in Brad’s direction. You grabbed your computer and left. 

What bugged you the most was what he did the next day. You had gone to the second floor for some highlighters when you noticed coming out of the elevator. You cursed out loud, catching Brad’s attention. His eyes widened as he saw you and he made his way to you.

You weren’t proud of yourself, but you decided that the best option was to run to the bathroom, so that’s what you did. You were there for almost ten minutes before you decided to leave. He couldn’t have waited for you, he had seemed in a hurry.

He had insinuated some bad things and still had the nerve to want to talk to you. 

……

Things weren’t going too great. Jo had begun making your life miserable at work. David had told you to talk to Brad but you knew it would make things worse. 

“And tell him what? That his assistant is a psycho and that she won’t leave me alone? You do realize he’ll tell her to chill but that will only make her worse.”

David stood quiet, you had a point. It had been a week since the incident and you still wouldn’t go into the office. You had been too embarrassed to see Brad so David had allowed you to work from Sue’s office. Being around her was killing you, but it was better than hearing Brad’s comments. 

 “Y/N. Are you hiding from me?” Brad theorized one afternoon. You had brought your own food and we’re hearing it up. Thankfully the microwave had just rung. You quickly walked past him, not wanting to entertain his stupid games. “Come Y/N, you know it wasn’t personal.”

“Wasn’t it though?” 

You pulled him aside, not wanting some random person who hadn’t left for lunch to hear yet another argument. “It wasn’t personal. I just have to look out for the company.”

“Who on earth was I supposed to leak that information to?”

“I don’t know. It's possible Y/N. You might have dropped out of college but you can still have connections to others,” he countered. You could feel that he was losing patience and you were too.

“Whatever Brad.”

“How are you the mad one in this situation? You made me look like an idiot in that meeting.” Brad snapped. 

“I’m mad because one moment your kissing me and then the next you're accusing me of potentially fucking over the company that I work for. I thought we were friends, but you tried making me look bad in front of everyone. That’s why I’m mad, Brad. I’m here trying to contribute and then you ruin it.”

“You’re just here because David needs a babysitter, you know that right? Let it be clear to you: you are not needed in this company. If David left, you wouldn’t be needed. One less paycheck to authorize. So stop trying to have some sort of relationship with me and stop trying to bring it into work related stuff. It’s weird. It was just a kiss, and if I remember correctly, you were the one that kissed me.”

You gasped at Brad’s cruel words and all of the color drained out your face. How had you both gotten to that point? This was supposed to be a regular job and he had come into your world and ruined everything. You had let the man kiss you and this is how he repaid you. It had seemed like the right thing at the time, but boy did you regret it. There were so many things that you wanted to shout, you wanted to point out how he had been the one to follow you around the office. Brad had been the one who playfully nagged you. He had been the one who had bought you several coffees “just because I wanted to.” 

So this was it. This was the moment where you got to witness firsthand how much of dick he truly was. You remembered Poppy advising you to not get close to him and you ignored her. He was about to make you cry and make you suffer, just like Poppy had predicted.

“What? You’re just realizing how much of a bitch I can truly be?” Brad asked and the corners of his mouth quirked upwards.

“No. I’ve heard several stories about how much you suck, I just didn’t think you actually were human garbage. You're a man though– what did I expect.” you laughed softly.

Brad looked up and his eyes sparked with what you could only describe as joy. “I see you’ve grown familiar with Rachel. Are you about to give me a whole feminist rant. Wait, let me mute my notifications real quick.”

“Oh God,” you thought to yourself. He was such a shitty person. Why had you even entangled yourself with him in the first place? Your coworkers had warned you and for some reason you believed you would be the exception. 

“Okay, now you have my undivided attention Y/N.” He sang as he put his phone in his pocket and plastered a smile on his face.

You stood quiet and stared at the man in front of you. He titled his head, signaling for you to begin your rant.

“It's just a shame. You’re smart and you have money and yeah you’re good looking Brad. But for some odd reason you get off on humiliating others and you burn bridges like it’s nothing. And it’s all on you Brad, your brother was so sweet when he was here so it’s not like your parents were shitty. I guess I just don’t understand why you feel the need to hurt me when all I wanted was to be on good terms with you. I didn’t even want to be friends… I just wanted you to treat me with respect but you dragged me to your whole ‘I’m lonely and no one actually likes me’ thing and I believed you. I’m at work and I have to put up with you humiliating me in front of the office just because I’m doing my job and when I stand up for myself you get mad. I’m being nice to you because that’s what you wanted and somehow I’m still in the wrong. In the words of a wise woman: you’re just a man, it's just what you do.”

Brad nodded along and squinted his eyes as if he was taking it all in. You hoped that he truly took everything in and reflected on it– it seemed highly unlikely though.

“Did anyone tell you that men sometimes treat women shitty in the real world?” he didn’t wait for your response, “I feel like someone should have had that conversation with you at some point in your life. Or maybe you should have paid more attention. Just a thought Y/N, maybe write it down in your notes.”

“Should I also jot down that you act like a kid even though you stand six foot two? Or maybe that you talk to the walls when parties get bored of you?” 

His smile slipped, you had almost missed it. 

“Go ahead Y/N, you can do whatever your little heart desires. You know we live in a free country,” Brad proclaimed with a smile.You stood silent not knowing what else to say. What were you supposed to say? You could say something about him being alone and having to go home to an empty house, but even you knew that would be too much. There were so many things you wanted to say, but you decided to just let him live in his own derangement. After all, he was just a man.

[amarionetista]

Dawn was already reigning in the city at that point. Noelle wanted to sleep, she wanted to close her eyes and pretend that none of the things of her day had happened.

  She wanted to forget how her mother had called her worthless so many times when one of her grades was below an “A+.” She glanced at one of the walls in her room, where her mother had pasted another newspaper clipping of some Asian-American who had made millions in money. Her mother’s words echoed like the loudest scream she had ever heard in her life inside her head. “If he can do it, why can’t you?”

  Noelle just didn't want that kind of pressure, she just didn't want that kind of motivation. She didn't want even the time it took her to breathe to be criticized as a waste of time.

  A small ringing filled the room. At other times it seemed almost insignificant, but in the silence of his room the ringing of his computer announcing a new message seemed louder than anything.

  Noelle debated whether she should just ignore the message, but others started coming in and she knew there was only one person who could persist this much.

  She got out of bed and sat in the chair next to the computer, when she checked her messages her suspicions were confirmed when she read Akarsha's name in the chat.

“Hello Frenchwoman”

Noelle sighed as she saw the message. She had been dealing with Akarsha calling her 'Frenchwoman' because of her name for weeks now. She was already planning to leave the conversation without warning when another message from Akarsha arrived.

“Couldn’t sleep either?”

“Why are you awake? Did you spend the night watching memes again?”

“Calm down, Frenchwoman. Aren’t you the one who said that only an idiot answers a question with another question?”

"Oh what.."

"I never said that"

 Noelle didn't need to see Akarsha to know that she was grinning like an idiot when she saw that she almost fell for her dirty trick.

“Come on, Noelle. I didn’t sleep because I was thinking about you :p”

 Her face flushed bright red as she read the last message. Her first thought was that this was yet another prank from Akarsha, like the time she had pushed her into the pool and mocked her when she said she was soaking wet.

“I’m serious, Noelle.”

“I was worried about you. You were so bad in practice today. You played just as bad as you did when you started.”

"Thanks"

"You understood me"

“You were getting better. You were really doing well. What happened?”

"Nothing happened"

“You know you can trust me. I like you and I want you well all the time.”

  She knew Akarsha liked to joke, and out of every ten things she said, eleven were some kind of stupid joke with stupid connotations…but…she didn't feel like that was Akarsha's intention to do something like that. She would say that those words were sincere, well, as sincere as Akarsha could be.

  And maybe it was her sleep or lack thereof, but she found herself telling her friend everything she had to hear from her parents. She even had to endure them calling her spoiled just for asking for less pressure on her shoulders.

  To her surprise, Akarsha actually showed herself to be helpful, she wouldn't admit it, but she felt embraced by all the words her friend said.

“Go to sleep now, Frenchwoman”

“Tomorrow I have a surprise for you”

“What kind of surprise?”

“If I told you, there would be no reason to surprise you, right?”

 Leaving her with that thought, Akarsha stopped the chat. Noelle hoped to mull it over until dawn, but she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow.

  In the morning, she made her way to the closet she shared with Diya. She didn’t find her there, but instead Akarsha was absentmindedly scrolling through her phone.

  When she saw her approaching, Akarsha smiled and searched for something in her backpack. When she reached out, she found herself staring at a small bouquet of white and red flowers.

— For you, Frenchwoman.

[ma1dmer]

Star Wars - Reva NSFW

girlfriend matterial, i read a fanfic with her that inspired some of these headcanons

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex): she likes to simply lie there, face to face maybe trailing her fingers across your cheek and jaw when she thinks you are asleep, she'll get up to take a shower before joining you again when she is clean, if you are not asleep she tells you she has left warm water for you to go shower as well

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s): your back and the line of your shoulders, its such an odd fascination, the way your shoulders tremble as you are about to cum or when she has you bent over trailing kisses and bite marks down your spine , she loves marking you up as well ,they don't have to show, they are for her to look at and admire after all, so the back is just the most perfect spot

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person): she is really really into edging, will get you just close enough to cumming around her fingers or tongue or strap and immediately stop and send you off to go about your day frustrated and aching for her

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs): how touch starved she is ,sometimes she slips up and she'll simply grab your hand and kiss your knuckles or she'll pretend to be asleep as you play with her hair ,she wants to keep her distance and admitting that you make her melt just with a simple brush of your fingers to her cheek isn't working for her image

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?): some one time encounters in all the years travelling around, but its hard to trust people so they are few and far between

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual): she wants you folded up, grabs your legs and pushes your knees up to your chest until you whine for her

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc): she is very serious , she usually initiates things to burn out her frustration so she is generally more serious, very intense as well, few words exchanged before she's kissing you with intent

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.): she keeps everything clean ,might trim if she knows she'll be seeing you the next day

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…): she is intense and passionate but you can't say she is romantic, everything is done with a sort of detachment and the softer moments are kept for after, when you both unwind and sit in silence

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon): she likes to watch you please yourself for her, wants you to call out her name and cum for her ,she likes knowing she has that power over you,  won’t even touch you ,but might use the force for some, help

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks): some light choking, clothed sex, edging of course etc

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do): prefers her own private quarters but is not above some more risque places, usually when she's away from base, never in base though

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going): arguing, its not the healthiest thing, but it really gets her ,just let her unwind a bit after a petty argument or a stressful day, give her an excuse to let out her anger and then she is as soft as a kitten

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs): she can't fully let you take control ,she still has issues with her past and it makes her panic and puts her in a really bad place

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc): she likes to give ,its not so much just about giving you pleasure but also controlling when and how you cum, she likes edging you and denying you for as long as possible

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.): Slow but rough, she finds the spots that make you moan the loudest or twitch against her and she works you relentlessly until you feel sore

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.): Absolutely and she is not really shy about what or when you do something, she'll pull you straight out of a meeting to push you in a dark corridor or alley to work you with her fingers while growling about what angered her in the meeting

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.): she randomly gets ideas that she wants to try out ,its usually all in the heat of the moment though, nothing too thought out or planned out

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…): she has the training to go for a long long long time, she is usually just very busy 

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?): she doesn't own any but she wouldn't mind you having some ,she wants you to surprise her, bring out something she can use on you 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease): she is a meanie, she'll coo for you and call you baby as you plead ,for her to let you cum, and then just keep going the same exact way, growling for you to take what she is giving you, calling you greedy

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make): she is relatively quiet save for some broken whines when she gets close to cumming ,its cute how she falters and drops the tough and scary inquisitor persona in the throes of pleasure

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice): let’s just say she is, familiar with ,unconvential uses of the force

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?): a very average to low drive, but she is overcompensating with how touch starved she is

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards): she is absolutely a little spoon, she comes to bed at absurd hours and immediately turns her back to you almost expecting for you to come cling to her, she falls asleep and wakes up silently ,and she also sleeps very lightly, every noise making her open her eyes and reaching for her saber

[thenewdelhicompany]

We often mistake the loudest voice, as the strongest. Volume does not necessarily equate to being centred in one’s Self. In being grounded. In having a solid foundation. In strength. Some of my favourite women, have showcased their strength without even having to use their words. One look, can silence a room. The Ice Hotel bridal lehenga by The New Delhi Company . . . . Wardrobe: @thenewdelhicompany Photography: @satyandpratha Styling: @fashnavi Makeup: @jiefanbeauty Hair: @melanieguille_ Model: @misskarnawat Jewellery: Vintage (Pratha’s Coll.) Studio: @neighbourhoodstudios . . . #icehotel #bridal #lehenga #bridallehenga #bridalmakeup #bridaljewellery #indianbridalmakeup #indianbridaljewellery #indianbridalwear #indianbrides #indianbridal #indianbridaloutfit #southasian #indianwedding #indian #punjabi #punjabiwedding #punjabisuit #fyp #explore #explorepage #bridal #styling (at The New Delhi Company) https://www.instagram.com/p/CkJan2xvrJC/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[milo-is-rambling]

Continueing the adventure of my last posts tags and reliving my childhood fears and general existence in my family which I have subconsciously packed away and literally have not been able to remember chunks of my childhood even when trying to remember what I did as a kid 👍 anyways back to it. Snuck into the bathroom. Didn’t puke. Win for drunk and high Milo. The bathroom door however is the loudest creakiest door in existence. Getting in here she for sure knows I’m awake. Now it’s her choice to attack with the trying to talk to me or to completely ignore me or to continue waiting and watching to attack her bait (me trying to exist without her involvement for like any amount of time) also there’s been a development. It wasn’t the living room or kitchen lights on making the hallway light up it was her bedroom door open with her bedroom light on. So good news bad news. Good news. She’s not in the living room. Less of a chance of her trying to talk to me. Bad news. Shes in her room and the door is exactly fully visible from the loud ass creaky bathroom door so if she’s in the main part of her room she will see me if she looks for me. I could camp out in the bathroom until her lights turn off. (Side note. All of this. Is how I legitimately thought of my life as a child. I was a mommy issues ninja. I was sneaking from room to room when her back was turned and trying to sneak away to read my book in silence or make my dolls have gay sex.) this reminds me so vividly of my childhood. My brothers bedroom had one of those humidifiers that had fish in it (not real fish they’re plastic like 2D fish) (someone please know what I’m talking about) but he had it and it kind of made like a bubbly sound and I would hear that through my bedroom wall all night and I would hear sounds of light traffic outside cause we lived in a small town it was mostly nature sounds and crickets and frogs and occasional dog barks. And the sound of my window fan going constantly on high and I would climb in and out of bed and watch the way the moon lit up the neighbors roof and I would watch the grass blow in the wind and in the morning I would walk barefoot through the dew and pick dandelions and walk to the bus stop in the cold with my cute little jacket and backpack and it felt like home and it felt safe and I was happy and I had friends I can’t believe life isn’t that anymore. I just heard my mom close her bedroom door score!!! We outlasted her. Also ps I’ve been sitting in the bathroom on the floor with the bathroom light off and the door completely closed and locked. I have mental health issues. I’m on a stealth mission my mother isn’t aware of at all and it literally just living her life and doesn’t care whatsoever what I’m doing. Anyways. Yeah. Being a kid in Maine everything just felt right and I’ve gone back to Maine and it’s just changed. We couldn’t even go inside the house I grew up in. And even if we could it would have all been different. We sold half our shit when we moved to New Hampshire when I was nine. Mom and dad couldn’t find work. But they found a job working at the same company together in New Hampshire so we sold half our shit and moved and rented a house that we went on to buy and call home for eight years. And then we moved to Florida and dad died and I went to Maine for the service. The house was different. Even from the outside. My grandmothers house no longer felt like home either. I was too tall. My head hit the ceiling fan when I walked. My grandparents were now at least six inches shorter than me and nothing in their lives had changed since I was a kid. Except for the heavy thick layer of grief and the feeling of death looming at the door. Now I know that’s dark but my grandfather is on his way out and my grandmother is losing her marbles. And both their kids died before them so like yknow I’m cutting them some slack here. They can live the same exact routine in life for twenty years who am I to judge if they get the same brand of puppy calendar every year with the same dogs in the same themed photos for every month just the

Dates are switched who am I to judge. Or when my grandfather buys a bar of hersheys dark chocolate and stores it in the fridge so it’ll break apart instead of melt in your mouth. Or how every night they watch the local news the weather then whelk of fortune and jeopardy back to back and then my grandmother puts me to bed (idk what she does now) and my grandfather shuffles his way to the dining room they never use that they only really use for storage and a singular big table and chairs set with a laptop on it (and a weird podium looking thing with a penguin candy jar on it all year round for some reason??) to watch his random shows or long ass documentary YouTube videos for hours and get seventy old person only computer viruses that we then have to help him deal with cause that laptop if the biggest source of joy in that man’s life. And then my grandmother gets ready for bed and eats a little dessert on the stool at the foot of her bed where her personal teeny tiny tv is to watch her law and order or her ncis or her bones or her whatever show is always on at night and plays the same like two seasons as reruns back to back. God I love them and their silly little simple life and I’m so glad I have that little slice of home. I will always be welcome there even if I am too big for the house and everything in it is fragile and all the furniture literally rattled when I walk bc my grandmother has weird taste that is like 70% china and 30% glass. Anyways. I love them and I love that house but I don’t feel like a kid there. I feel so so so out of place if anything it makes me sad to come back and realize that the only thing that’s changed that whole time is me. And now dad being gone obviously. And their health getting worse. But yknow. It’s there. And I’m thankful for that. I just wish I was still close with anyone there. We have my moms friend who I knew when I was a kid and don’t get me wrong I love their house and they’re so nice and goofy and redneck as fuck but the daughter I was once close friends with as a small child now doesn’t even talk to me or like look my way at all if I’m there so it also feels completely out of place now. They even fucking replaced the playground at the middle school. Like there is no where in my original home town that I can go back to and feel like a kid and it tears me up. I cannot physically describe how badly I need to go back to my elementary school in Maine and just walk through the halls and sit in the library and the computer lab and play outside on the playground. Truly the ages of 6-8 were the best years of my life cause when I turned nine we were either getting ready to move or had moved so eight was when I could still me a kid. Fuck. And then I finally felt like I was setting roots in New Hampshire and felt like I could almost breathe again they told me we were moving to a hot humid retirement / party state with alligators and sand instead of NORMAL GRASS and pine trees (sorry I am a proud sod hater give me real grass I hate not feeling like I can walk outside barefoot it is all rocks and fire ants and fake grass and spikes cactus evilness.) and now I live here. And my mom loves it. She is so happy and I just feel like I have no where else to go. I have no family or friends in the part of New Hampshire where we lived. I have no choice but to start over here. Either I start over here fully or I have to start here long enough to get out of here and start someone else to be broke and scared except also now you’re completely alone. And not even your mom who you adore but also kind of hate and you think she hates you but you know it’s just your brain saying that bc of course she loves you but also like… does she tho? Or is she holding the vow to you the same way she did to her husband. Telling anyone who would listen “I promised god and my dad that I was married to that man til death do us part” and then right after he died she’s like welp time to get back out there and she’s all happy glad about all this freedom she has now I know she’s like that with me I know she only loves me because

She has to she only loves me because I came out of her and me and my brother are all she has of my dad but my brother looks like him but acts like my mom but I act like my father and look like her so there’s that added self hatred if she looks at me and sees herself and wants to fix fix fix what isn’t hers to change about my life. And then I act like him and then there she is living alone with her dead husband again except no it’s his bitch of a daughter who will never love you as much as he did and it will forever be in the back of your mind even when you love me I will always be his child too. And you will never forgive me for that. She would leave me if I could handle it out there in the big bad world alone. I am the runt of this litter and I haven’t quite decided if I really want to survive it or not. It being life without constant attention care and devotion. And survive meaning is it better to have caused the pain now and make her proud later when I could just stop trying and let myself turn to dust in this room locked in from the outside watching shadows under doors and listening to the frogs croak outside. Summer heat settling in across my bedroom as I sneak out of bed and read my book with my flashlight until my mother walks by and yells to go to bed again. And the pink nightlight is illuminating the corner of my room with my Barbie’s and I want to play and feel like a kid again. I wish I could trade and be that kid for a day again. I want to play and feel free again and run just to run before my body started to hurt and ache and before I ever cut myself or held the gun in my hands and had to put it back down. I wish I could tell the childhood version of me that it gets better and it gets worse. You have to remember it all cause it’s gonna get lost in there. Really try to remember it all. And enjoy it. I’m proud of you for just being you.

I think I should drink every day forever actually if it makes me suddenly remember my childhood I’ve repressed for some reason that would be nice I could therapise myself thru poetry and long rambles that I throw poetic shit into and then call poetry even tho there’s really like three lines that weren’t completely off the dome. Anyways goodnight sorry for being your most annoying mutual forever ily I might delete this tomorrow

[benefits1986]

Unspoken Word: Reliving Proof

When words cut, they cut so deeply... especially when you chose to silence the inner child's loudest shrieks.

TGIF! For some weird reason, I was greeted by "V is back on Viber" notif very early in the morning. Fucking telco must have rehashed his churned SIM, because consumerism is getting more and more hardcore these days and nights, too.

I've revisited the crazy lanes leading back to spoken word which started in 201X. It was during the time when Saguijo or B Side is full and when it's too tasking to drive to Cubao X. It was when I was downing rum coke during lunch time because it's the sedative I need to keep me up past midnight in the name of deadlines. Honestly, the roads lead back in 200X when I wanted to go to Sanctum's gigs in Intra but of course, mother dragon policed me. Kulang na lang i-bartolina niya ako. LOL. I told her that spoken word is a derivative of public speaking stints she forced down my unwilling throat, so, now, let me do it my way. Syempre, ako na lang daw maging nanay. Probably the reason why she axed my PLM acceptance letter even when I got accepted in Psych. Speaking of psych, apart from being a teacher, I really wanted to dabble with human interactions as a perpetual people watcher. LOL. It's kind of effortless and rewarding. Mom said, baliw-baliw ka na. Baka matuluyan ka pa. Writer? Teacher? Psych? Lawyer? Anak, mag-nurse ka. :D Me: Ayoko nga kasi.

But, I guess, my current location and my destination is a Venn Diagram of all the things I've been dreaming about; thanks to digital x start up, and now with a hefty dose of corporate un-gaming. LOL.

Before starting Friday, I actually came across LIVING PROOF after a series of really cute-in-your-ass pakawala ni Rudy Francisco. Happy vibes pa ako nung unang part ng PL then, ayun na ngaaaa. Living Proof played. Must be the algo gods and goddesses. Must be the three fates watching over me in real time, all the time.

While I was going about my usual grind which starts kinda early, I actually teared up. The tears didn't roll down my chubby cheeks. They wetted my eye. HUY. Ang hirap kasi talaga umiyak. Mas pipiliin ko pang magpa-tat or mapaso ng mainit na kawali or worse, mapaso 'yung tat ko na may lead content ng steam ng kakaluto lang na kanin, which happened in real life by the way. Mom got super angry, dragon x beast x cyborg mode kasi nga raw, walang mapapala sa tats. LOL. Sabi ko, 'di naman masakit. She laughed and said, lumubo na balat mo, nagde-deny ka pa rin? Tao ka noh. Tao ka. Hahahahaha. Me: Mas masakit ka pa rin manakit, ma. So, this is not hitting the benchmark. This time around, the cry I cried is not too intrusive. Actually, when I think about it now, it's an interesting cry. OPAK. Hindi siya emo lang. It touches my ego, too. HAHAHAHAHAHA. Ego over heartbreak no more na nga ba tayo this 2024? Pasavogue. Let's not go there yet kasi... ang lala ng overthinking ko na naman. I KENNAT, MHIE. HUY. Hahahahaha.

'Di ko pa rin syempre perfect 'yung pag-tune in sa emotional state ko pero losing V in 2023 is life-changing. I remember saying out loud while typing my usual pabilin at pakisuyo sa office na: V, bakit kasi wala ka na? Pero, thank you. As in. You may be wondering why the fuck TGIF turned into a cry sesh so early in the morning? Eto na. 'Di ko sure if kaya kong easy-han. But, let's go dahil dami pang trabahong bahay and small projects piling up for Japan 2024 kabogstra edition. I fucking mean it. Baon na lang talaga ako at baka bike pa-BGC. Hahahaha. Pero shemay naman kasi 'yung optimal na daan. It's giving man in the moon na walang lunar rover. :p As a claustrophobic, hassle neto, in theory pa nga lang. LOL. Sana magkaroon na ng friggin' biking lanes at sana manalo Fighting Maroons bukas na para 'di ko na siya isipin next week. Pamaskong handog na lang. Parang awa niyo na. Season '86, please be mine. :p

Soooo, V... V is my constant OG sa work ko ngayon ages ago. SHEMAY. HUY. He started kinda young and legit ang data x insights niya as a troll online and offline. LELS. He walked me through the valleys, the plains, the plateau, the hills, the mountains.

Alam mo 'yung siya pinaka OK kausap kahit dami niyang baon na slapstick 80s and 90s dad jokes at his young age. UGH. Lambing ni V, aya kape and yosi. Tahimik lang siya pero sa umpisa lang 'yun. When I was trying out for my current post back in Summer 2023, sabi ko talaga: V, paano na 'yan? Wala ka na? Wala na akong cheat sheet. Wala na akong lifeline. Hayup ka talaga. HAHAHAHA. If V was still here today, malamang boogsh ako doon. V taught me to trust the process in a world that I just saw in Jobstreet. V showed me how to remain calm even when the world is burning inside out. Daanin mo lang sa rifts and good vibes and more dad jokes na NSFW at times. V's guitar breaks in our office allows me to check on his headspace, too. There's something in his eye that tells me that there's something bad happening in him and that he is asking for help. HUY. He's not the one to cry often, but when he does, HUY, I KENNAT. Bakit ko naaalala now mga bits and pieces ng mala-bunso kong kapatid rn? Siguro, it's time na nga.

V never fails to swing the bat and hit home run kahit andaming strike out naman kasi talaga ng mundo forda bills namin. When under attack, nakatitig lang siya sa isang spot. Fave niya si Jet Li and 'pag Tekken naman si Law. He's a multihypenate with a real humble pero humble brag head over his sturdy yet seemingly shaking shoulders. Petite guy siya kahit 'yung appetite niya, wagas. LOL.

Bigwas ang lambing ko sa kanya. Later, nung natuto na sa mga batas ng mundo ng digital, V allowed me to be in my element. HUY. Bakit naiiyak na naman ako so early in the morning? V is also my confidante during times na top tier turned trash ako because I am unfiltered talaga. He told me that he knows what I am and what I am not, and he's got me; kaya lang vox populi e. Hahahahaha. And that, he knows that things will be better, and I will come through. Those happened. Top tier-trasher ang naging branding ko. Bargas na wagas pero may moral compass. Sabi pa niya noon, 'di raw kasi lahat gusto marinig ang hard truth and that only a very few step up and own up. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Iyak-tawa ako e. V never showed me atrocity, to be honest even when I was burnt severely and nailed to the cross. Sabi nga niya, phoenix burns and rise again, ate. Hahahahaha. Kahit ilang beses pa 'yang burn na 'yan. Ikaw pa ba? Ikaw pa? LOL.

V is gentle and firm. LUH. And as I am penning yet another thought and feel fart, let this be a reminder as to how far I've gone and that while V is not is not in this universe anymore, his presence, his lessons, his mistakes, his flaws, his wins, his loses are with me. As a recovering suicidal na may paganaps na namang dark thoughts in 2023, hahahahahaha... okay, fine. Hintayin ko na lang 'yung right time to see that very bright light again sa tamang panahon. Siguro rin, kaya taas energy ko nung Friday is because of that tiny cry feast. I guess this is me, atoning for my scarlet sins the right way. I see V in my juniors, equals and bosses, to be honest. LOL. Parang naghe-hello si V several times of the day. I guess, I am indeed training my feel muscles and memory, too. HUY. Shemay. Can I go there na ba talaga? Bakit may piercing pain as I am keying these in? Bakittt? Siguro, road to a me, only better na nga talaga tayo. HAHAHAHAHA.

Baka naman, girl. Baka naman. Or baka naman ginugusto ko 'to kasi women have 80% of autoimmune disease because they suppress emotions, ika ni Gabor Mate. DAMNNN. Mother dragon is not just another statistic. She is a stern warning. Maybe, she's a gentle and firm reminder, too. Sabi nga niya: Don't commit the mistakes I made, anak. Learn from them. LUH. O baka naman, overthinking na naman ako and ayaw ko lang magpa-check up sa immunologist, allergologist atbp kasi mhie, I've been there, fucked that hard na talaga. HAHAHAHAHA. Okay. Labas na ako ng basura, bayad bills atbp. Laters ulit. Busy reliving! OPAK. :P 'Di ko kinaya pero baka naman makaya na, for realzzz. CHZ.

[whateverbringsyouthroughthenight]

“The loudest noise in the world is silence.”

[strywoven]

closed ( ft. tharhys + kadai ) . // @fatecrafted

Much of her time has been spent enduring the world ALONE ( though not entirely by choice , sometimes fate thinks herself funny with how she dictates her children ) .  Much of that time , too , Kadai took up the belief that it was likely s i m p l e r to be on her own ; less to worry about , less of a risk to herself , less of … Pretty much everything.  Funny to find that it might’ve been someone’s company she has been looking for the entire time— And Tharhys , for all the many times they bickered and bit back at each other , for all the ways they said they could not stand one another , was so much like her ; he felt FAMILIAR , and he almost felt … SAFE .  Not that you would hear her give him the satisfaction of admitting to such a thing !

For what could it hurt , then , to make a friend when there was indeed no-one else beside you ?  What harm was there in thinking – perhaps – there might be some unspoken kindness underneath what you both do ?

Those questions come forward often , but seem loudest in moments like these when an unfamiliarly t e n d e r silence befalls the two as Tharhys works wordlessly to mend her wounds from a recent scuffle.  Sometimes she wishes she could crack open his head and look at his thoughts , peer into his mind and see what was going on in there ( verily she must not be the only one thinking so foolishly of late )— As Tharhys dabs away the trickle of blood idly staining a path down her temple , Kadai finds herself SMILING at him.  ❝ Admit it , ❞ She says , breaking the peace of the scene with her half-smug / half-cheeky lilt , ❝ You actually l i k e me , Tharhys , don’t you ? ❞  After all , if he didn’t why would he be taking care of her like he is ?