#painted this last night at 4 in the morning. they are very important

[girlgerard]

haunted doll girl…<3

[aishangotome]

Alfons Sylvatica: Chapter 5

Chapter 4 Premium Story

♡———♡

Alfons: Good morning, little robin.

(Huh... this voice is...)

Kate: ... !!

Alfons: Oops.

She jolted awake, and he, who had been close to her ear, swiftly moved away and lay down on the bed, smiling.

Alfons: In the end, we went all the way, huh?

Kate: Ah, ah... ah...

Alfons: What happened? You're making those noises. I haven't done anything to make you moan like that this morning.

Kate: Aahh! Don't remind me!

That's right... just like before, I have a clear memory of last night.

(I... again, mistook Alfons for my lover... and, did those things...)

But, in the first place, it's Alfons' fault for deceiving and embracing me.

I glare resentfully at the smile in front of me.

Alfons: I understand what you want to say. Please, I will gladly accept any harsh criticism.

Kate: It's cruel to deceive me again, it's cowardly to manipulate people's hearts without permission!

Alfons: Is that all? Your vocabulary is surprisingly limited.

(This, this man...)

Kate: Y-you, d-demon...!

Alfons: Ah ha! "Demon"!

Alfons: I like it, it's a phrase that suits you, a lover of theater.

He clapped his hands mockingly, and suddenly furrowed his brows in a theatrical manner.

Alfons: But, isn't it a bit much? Calling me a "demon"... to the man who was, even temporarily, your "lover"?

Alfons: Last night, you begged me so many times, looking so pleased...

His eyes approach, slipping into my heart like a whisper, and I involuntarily recoiled.

Alfons: You were gasping so loudly that the whole castle could have heard it.

Kate: …… huh!?

(Gasp…… huh? U-uh, lies…… I don't remember that……)

Alfons: …… It wasn't just a one-night stand, we've become quite involved, haven't we?

My pale face flushes instantly.

Kate: I-I…… I never intended to have this kind of relationship……

–I try to say I didn't, but the words catch in my throat.

Because I remember how I clung to the pleasure he gave me yesterday.

"This is what I want right now"…… Was it the illusion of love, or my own will that made me think that–,

(I…… I don't, know)

As I fall silent, he continues with amusement.

Alfons: Hehe, yes, you're right. If we were to say who's more at fault, it's 100% me.

Alfons: You could sue me and win, but what will you do?

Alfons laughs without a hint of remorse.

His smile is infuriating, but now I don't know what kind of face to make or how to wave my hand.

I must be his perfect plaything, since my face changes with every word he says.

(I won't let him do whatever he wants anymore...)

Kate: I'm not going to sue you.

Alfons: Oh, how forgiving you are.

Kate: But I won't let you play me around anymore.

Alfons: A declaration of war? Well, that's brave of you.

Alfons: But how do you plan to stop me?

--CHOICES--

I won't tell you!

I'll find out your weakness

I'll figure out a way

-------------

Kate: I won't tell you!

Alfons: Very clever. It's wise to keep your cards close to your chest.

Alfons: Well, even if you did think about it, I doubt you could find any weakness of mine to exploit.

Kate: ....!

Alfons: Oh my, have I hit a nerve?

Alfons smiles confidently.

Kate: A-anyway! I don't want to be shown any more illusions.

Alfons: Why do you dislike illusions?

Kate: Because... I don't want to miss anything important.

Illusions cannot become reality.

Kate: When I can't see reality, I might be missing something important.

Alfons smiles pityingly at my words.

––As if to say that I don't know what "reality" is yet.

Alfons: ...There's nothing more important than feeling good, Miss Kate.

Alfons: Life is a tragedy. You need an escape. Don't you agree?

Alfons: It's best to paint over all the scary and sad things with fun and forget about them.

As he whispered seductively, he captured my fingertips on the sheets and gently intertwined them.

Even though I should refuse, saying, "Please stop," his gestures, his touch––for some reason, they stimulate a soft spot in my heart.

(……As I thought.)

(Whenever Alfons touches me like this……)

(It's when I'm about to be consumed by negative emotions.)

Fear, sadness––he tries to stir up those feelings with playful sweet talk and drive them out of my heart.

(You could say I'm being taken advantage of in my weakness, but...)

Somehow, it feels more accurate to say that he became my escape rather than him using me for pleasure.

(Is that why……even though he's doing this to me, I––)

I can't completely dismiss Alfons as a despicable villain.

(But……)

Kate: Forgetting everything because it's painful, that's……unhealthy.

Alfons: People forget, Ms. Kate. Forgetting is a natural self-purification process.

Alfons: Besides, aren't unhealthy things more attractive?

Alfons: Isn't it boring to live a healthy life?

He always whispers words that are the opposite of common sense.

But––for some reason, his words gently resonate with my heart.

(Probably, the harder reality is)

Alfons: I'll make a prediction.

I raise my eyes at his voice.

I'm sure what he's going to say is nonsense.

Yet, a slight sense of anticipation makes my heart beat faster.

Alfons: When you remember yesterday, it will definitely be less about a bloody and serious murder scene, and more about...

Alfons: ...the shameless and exciting sex we had.

Kate: Wh-What!?

(As I thought, he was up to no good!)

Kate: Th-That's not true!

Alfons: Oh my, you don't have to be so embarrassed.

Alfons: You blush so easily at the slightest thing, you're so cute.

I slap away his hand that's stroking my flushed cheeks.

Kate: I'm blushing because I'm angry!

Alfons: You look lovely when you're angry too.

Kate: ……Wh-!? Don't say such nonsense……

Alfons: Let's play again, Ms. Kate.

Kate: Wait……

Alfons quickly slips out from under the sheets and leaves the room.

Leaving only the lingering scent on the bed.

Kate: He's gone……

This is the second time I've seen him off with such a casual back, as if we weren't lovers last night.

My chest aches slightly as I watch his back disappear behind the door without looking back.....This must also be because of the illusory feelings of love he made me feel.

-

After getting dressed, pushing down my complicated feelings, I left the room to ask about last night's mission.

William was in the common room and told me what had happened.

William: The captured men were secretly transported to a warehouse owned by the Crown.

Kate: Were you able to find out anything?

William: Yes, they were interrogated last night and spilled all sorts of information.

William: They claim to have been hired by the workhouse manager to "cleanse" the slums.

Kate: Cleanse...?

To clean, to purify……The literal meaning and what was actually done are far apart.

(The workhouse is a place to give jobs and food to the poor....)

(Killing the people there is "cleansing"....?)

William: Do you think you can write a report about last night's mission?

William asks me, as I'm still trying to understand.

Kate: No……I don't think the two "cursed" people were guilty.

Kate: If it weren't for them, there would have been more victims.

William: Even though they're murderers, retraining a person and twisting their thoughts?

Kate: ……I thought there are things that can only be protected by doing so.

William: I see. You're a clever and realistic robin.

William, with a cheerful smile on his lips, accepted my thoughts without affirming or denying them.

William: Will you be able to continue accompanying us on missions?

Kate: ……What do you mean?

William: I'm wondering if the memories of last night will cause you any trouble.

(Memories of last night––)

The scene of the horrific massacre, which I had convinced myself was a play, should come to mind.

––But the voice that cursed me brings another scene to mind.

When you remember yesterday, it will definitely be less about––

(To remember Alfons's prediction at a time like this……!)

My trembling and fear are replaced by his indecent prediction.

(I'm trying to think about important things, so please don't bother me……!)

I desperately shook off the illusion of Alfons in my head.

William: Kate?

Kate: I-It's okay. I can continue to accompany you on future missions without any problems.

Kate: Please tell me about the mission and what's next.

William: The kind of missions that Alfons and you go on will be a little further down the road.

William: ……In a few days, I'm scheduled to go talk to their employer.

Kate: If that person is the mastermind……will this series of incidents be solved?

William: Well, I don't know. The orphanage director the other day also used the term "cleansing."

William: But there was nothing to indicate a connection with the current workhouse manager.

William: Their ideals are aligned. They use similar terms.……But there's no direct connection.

Kate: So……

Kate: There's someone higher up who's connecting them……or manipulating them?

William: –It's the Crown's job to find out.

-

Roger: I'm curious to discover what makes Al tick, aren't you?

Liam: And you're tailing him for that? Kate, you're quite the naughty girl.

Kate: Sorry, and thank you for helping me.

Liam: Not at all. I'm happy to do anything I can to be of service to you, Kate!

––This all happened just a little while ago.

William told me to take it easy today, and I was about to head back to my room when...

Alfons: ..............

I saw Alfons going out alone in the daytime, even though it wasn't for a mission.....I asked Roger and Liam, whom I happened to meet, to follow him.

(I'm grateful to them for going along with my sudden idea.)

While walking sandwiched between the two of them, I glance at Roger on my left.

(Come to think of it……)

Roger's ability is to hear sounds within 100 yards.

(……I wonder if he heard anything about last night.)

I suddenly get anxious, and my heart starts to beat unpleasantly.

Roger: Hm? What is it, lil lady?

Kate: N-Nothing.

I turn my face away, and after a beat, Roger raises his voice as if he remembered something.

Roger: Ah, I "didn't hear" what happened between you and Al last night. Don't worry.

Kate: What!?

(Can Roger hear my inner voice too!? Did he notice my heartbeat……!?)

My mind goes completely blank, and I freeze. Roger waves his hand in front of my face.

Roger: Hey, are you okay?

Kate: Y-Yes! But how can you say you "didn't hear"……because your ability...

Roger: Calm down. My ability allows me to pick and choose the sounds I want to hear.

Roger: Or rather, I trained myself to be able to do that.

Roger: At first, all sorts of sounds came in indiscriminately, so it was tough.

Kate: I see, that's good. ……By the way, last night, Alfons and I didn't do anything special.

When I hurriedly deny it, the two look at me in exasperation.

Liam: ……Kate, it might be a little difficult to deny that.

Roger: Even without super hearing, unfortunately, it's obvious.

Kate: ..........

I turn my face away from them in silence, blushing with regret and embarrassment.

(Even though Alfons was showing me illusions, I was really out of it yesterday……)

I force my gaze towards Alfons to hide my embarrassment, and see him going down a dimly lit staircase.

(Is there a shop in the basement……?)

Kate: What's down there……?

Roger: A bar.

Liam: He often drinks in the afternoon.

(He's really unhealthy……I thought he was out partying at night and sleeping during the day, but drinking in the afternoon is also a daily routine.)

He drank hot tea without hesitation, and I feel like he doesn't take enough care of his body.

(I'm a little worried about his health……)

(No, no, I shouldn't be worried about Alfons……)

(I'm here to find his weakness.)

(Rumors that he wouldn't want spread, or something he cares about that could be used for leverage……)

(That's why I'm here!)

Roger: What do you want to do? Should we go in?

Kate: ……Yes. Will you two come with me?

Roger: I'll accompany you for a beer.

I nod, of course, at Roger's conscientious suggestion.

Kate: It's a deal!

As I was about to leave the alley and look again at the shop Alfons had entered, Liam lightly tapped my shoulder with his fingertip.

Liam: Hey, we'll be spotted like this……Let's disguise ourselves a bit.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Chapter 6.

If you’d like to support my translations, feel free to buy me a coffee here! :)

[topgun-imagines]

Important Questions

Requested: yes

Summary: After a case of food poisoning, Maverick has an important question for you.

Word count: 1.2k

Warnings: Food poisoning. Mentions of vomit.

Pairings: Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell x fem!reader

A quick, chaste kiss was pressed to your forehead as Maverick slipped past you in the kitchen. You were making your morning coffee while he made his hot chocolate for work. He had decided that he would be taking a break from caffeine for a while. Something that had shocked you deeply. The only explanation that you got was that the sweet hot chocolate tasted better. The pair of you floated around each other seamlessly, as if you were in a dance. You finished making your drink, blowing across the steaming liquid before taking a sip. Your boyfriend did the same beside you. He kissed you one last time before he moved toward the front door. Maverick bid you goodbye before heading outside.

Both you and Maverick had very busy days today. He was set to be teaching a new class with Ice today. From what you had heard, this class was particularly difficult. So much so that it reminded Maverick of himself. The thought made you giggle quietly. You, on the other hand, were set to go spend the day with Carole and Bradley. The three of you were going to decorate the Bradshaw’s house for Christmas. Ever since Goose’s passing, Carole and Bradley had a hard time adjusting. Both you and Maverick had helped immensely. But this was the first Christmas that they would be spending without Goose. You couldn’t imagine that it would be easy on them.

You finished off your coffee before heading up to your room. There, you quickly changed into a pair of jeans splattered with paint and a plain white T-shirt. Once you fixed your hair you were heading back downstairs. You grabbed your purse and slipped on your shoes before stepping out the door. The door clicked as you locked it. You started the car and pulled out of the driveway, starting the short drive to the Bradshaw house.

The drive was quick, the car filled with cheesy Christmas songs as you drove. You pulled into the Bradshaw’s driveway. Shutting off the car, you hopped out and headed to the door. Carole opened it moments after you knocked. She greeted you cheerfully, wrapping her arms around your shoulders once you were inside. Bradley was hugging your legs in seconds. After a few moments of simply standing in the entryway, you all released each other. Bradley grabbed your hand and led you down the hall. “Slow down, buddy.” You chuckled quietly.

He brought you to the kitchen table where you could see many craft supplies laid out. “We're starting with the snowflakes,” He stated matter of factly. Carole entered the room behind you, returning to her pot on the stove. You could clearly smell the delectable scent of her homemade soup. Bradley grabbed your hand once again and pulled you into a chair. You could hear Carole chuckle quietly

The rest of the afternoon was spent crafting Christmas ornaments and other decorations. Now, you were helping Bradley thread popcorn and cranberries onto a string. Carole had finished her soup hours ago. She had ladled some out for the two of you before she moved into other rooms to resume some of her household chores. Ever since the passing of her husband, she had hardly had time for everything that needed to be done. With you here, she was able to tend to the once-forgotten chores.

Around 4:30 that night you could hear a car pull up in the driveway. Your brows furrowed, wondering who would be pulling up to the house. Maverick had taken his bike to work that morning, so you knew it wasn’t him. Moments later there was a knock on the door. Carole rushed to answer it while you occupied Bradley. Before you got the chance to ask why she was laughing so hard, the person at the door rounded the corner to the kitchen. A soft chuckle escaped your lips when you saw your boyfriend standing there, leaning against his much taller blond friend.

Ice offered you a kind smile, one that you didn’t hesitate to return. That look was wiped off your face, however, when you saw the dazed look on Maverick’s face. You practically bolted out of your seat, rushing over to him. You could hear Ice breathe a soft sigh. When Maverick eyes remained shut, yours drifted to Ice. Without needing to speak, Ice delved into the story of what happened. “I’m pretty sure he ate something bad for lunch. Got out of the plane and hurled all over the tarmac,” A grimace crossed his face. “He should be fine but there was no way he was riding his bike home.” You let out a quiet sigh of relief.

Together, you and Ice lead him to the couch, setting him down before returning to the kitchen. Carole had resumed your position, helping her son finish off the strand of popcorn and berries. In the time that you were gone she had poured Maverick a bowl of soup and pulled some nausea medication down from the cabinet. While you poured out the medicine, Ice carried soup over to the shorter pilot. You grabbed a cool glass of water before joining them.

Maverick slowly sipped down the water before taking the medication. Offering him the bowl of soup, Ice patted his shoulder gently before heading towards the door. As if she had some sort of sixth sense, Carole rushed into the room and pointed the ladle at Ice. He froze in his tracks, eyeing her warily. After basically threatening him into staying, Ice eventually wound up next to Maverick on the couch, two bowls of steaming soup in hand. He passed one to you with a smile.

You could see the medication begin to take effect. Maverick eyes blinked open, settling on the bowl of soup in front of him. His stomach rumbled loudly causing you and Ice to chuckle. He began gulping down the soup, only stopping when he needed to breathe. You watched him with cautious eyes, waiting for the soup to make its grand return moments later. But that never came, something which you were very grateful for. The three of you remained in silence, you and Ice enjoying your soup while Maverick sat quietly in the middle.

That silence was suddenly broken. “I have a question,” Maverick piped up quietly. You and Ice hummed in unison. “Is Santa real?” You instantly choked on your soup. Slapping a hand over his mouth, you cast an anxious glance to the kitchen where Bradley was happily crafting. Your hand slowly lowered from his mouth.

“What?” Ice whispered incredulously , eyes darting back and forth between Maverick and Bradley. “Of course not,” Your boyfriend's face fell. “Seriously? Your 30, Maverick.” His eyes drifted shut again. His head came to rest on your shoulder, the drowsiness of the medication finally kicking in. You and Ice shared a surprised look.

The last thing you heard before he drifted to sleep was a quiet ‘oh’ passing from his lips. You sighed quietly. Safe to say, you were in for a long few days.

a/n: Thank you for reading! Requests are open.

[ladyelissarose]

‘A Heart With Wings’

Warnings: fluff and angst, mentions of an argument and slight aggressive action (but not directly towards an individual) mentions of a humiliation and shaming, looong chapter but covers quiet a bit, please enjoy!

Chapter 4

October 5

  Mavericks POV

 Maverick walked out of the Naval Recruitment Center late in the afternoon, with a happy smile on his face that wasn’t fading any time soon. He held a folder of papers that were awaiting to be signed, but he tucked them in his motorcycles bag and made sure it was zipped correctly so nothing important flew out. The weather was perfect as it accommodated how he felt from within, warm and shining. Getting on his bike he kicked the stand off but before he turned it on, he called his favorite girl, Penny. He smiled to himself as he heard the phone dial, then grinning even more when he heard her sweet voice coming from the other side,

  “Hello sweetheart!”

 “Hi dear, it’s me Pete, how’s everything going?”

 He could imagine the big smile Penny was probably sporting as she responded cheerfully,

  “Good, but we’re all desperately waiting for you to arrive! Our girl here is getting very anxious and was crying earlier, she was upset to not see you this morning. Did it work out?”

  Maverick patted the bag behind him as he replied,

  “Yup, I was able to get it cleared, using Ice’s name in my favor, but I know he would do the same.”

  “Of course Ice would, he was a good man... well, get here fast, Phoenix went to take Connie by the shops, they should be here anytime soon.”

  “That’s a copy dear.”

  “Ok handsome.. drive safe, I love you.”

  “I will, and I love you too.”

Oceans POV

  Oceans and Phoenix has just walked out of the ‘Old Navy’ wearing new dresses and cute sandals, with a fresh up-do and trimmed, painted nails. Phoenix had her arm linked in with Oceans arm as they walked to Roosters’ Bronco that they had borrowed, and got in chattering and laughing at each others gossip and teasing. Oceans looked at Phoenix as they  drive back to the Hard Deck, and with a happy sigh she reached over and grabbed Phoenix’s hand on the console and squeezed it gently, 

  “Thank you Nixy, for everything, I couldn’t of asked for a better friend.”

  Phoenix awed at Oceans words,

  “Aww babes, thank you for being my girly, I’ll always be here for you.”

  “Likewise girl.. so, what are we going to do at Hard Deck for our last night?”

  Phoenix shrugged softly and replied,

  “I don’t know, what do you want to do, the choice is all yours..”

 Oceans hummed as she thought deeply, not much time was left and the dread of leaving them all got bigger and heavier in her chest, she would definitely missed them dearly. But, she wouldn’t think about that, instead make the moment of what was left last and be rememberable. 

  “Maybe have like karaoke and a little game?”

  “Sure! The boys are always making up stuff on the spot, so we’ll be entertained, don’t worry.”

  Oceans laughed, she knew the boys way to well now, and understood Phoenix completely. 

  Mavericks POV

   Soon, the girls arrived and got off sorta skipping to the Hard Deck, and just as they had gotten there, Maverick arrived.  

  Oceans saw him first and squealed his name as she ran to him,

  “Hi Mav!! Where were you alll day!!?”

Maverick got off the bike and accepted the embrace Oceans brought him in tightly, 

  ‘This kid definitely missed me..’

 Maverick pulled the folder out of his bag as he replied with a suspicious tone to his voice,

  “I was handling some things for you actually, why don’t you go inside and wait for me at the bar with Penny?”

  He could see Oceans’ brain circuits working like an unstoppable factory at his words, but she nodded her head,

  “Sure! I’ll see you inside!”

Oceans POV

  ‘Oh boy... what did Maverick do now.’

 Phoenix stayed behind with Maverick as Oceans walked inside of Hard Deck, it was a little full but still manageable to get around easily. Penny found her quickly and brought her toward the bar as she sat her down facing her and gawked at her outfit,

  “Oh my goodness you look amazing!!”

 Oceans blushed while now hiding her face in Penny’s chest,

  “You think so?”

  “Of course!!”

 Oceans looked backed into Penny’s eyes and saw an excitement she couldn’t describe, with a lift to her brow she asked,

  “What’s going on Penny?”

 Penny laughed it off while rubbing Oceans arm,

  “Oh nothing sweets, just happy you’re here and now so is Maverick.”

 Oceans turned around and saw Phoenix mirroring Pennys and Mavericks smile as they both approached them. Maverick winked at Penny as he called out to Oceans, handing her the folder,

  “I believe this is for you, Oceans.”

 Oceans took the folder hesitantly, and in that moment Rooster came behind her along with Bob and Payback, looking around to see what was up. Coyote and Fanboy also came around quickly at the snap of Phoenix’s fingers, signaling that she needed them there with them. Oceans  felt anxious about the unknown, as she opened the folder and read the top,

  ‘Naval Recruitment Center’

 “Naval Recruitment Center? Mav?”

 Oceans curious eyes found Mavericks but he ushered her to read on,

 “Just read it, go on. We’re here with you.”

 Penny squeezed Oceans shoulder as Rooster came into Oceans view tugging her to go on, so she began to read the top paragraph out loud,

  “Officer Constantine Oceans, it has been brought to our attention by Captain Pete ‘Maverick’ Mitchell, that there is a request for your transfer from USS Enterprise (CVN-65) to Abraham Lincoln (CVN-72). There you will be part of the Aviation Mechanist Team under Captain Mitchell and Admiral Simpson’s command. Come in Monday to confirm your transfer with your signature. Thank you for your understanding and service, Officer Constantine Oceans.”

  Mavericks POV

 Maverick could see Oceans process slowly everything she had just read, her hands slightly began to shake and her breath hitched, the fellow aviators around Oceans just about gasped at the news, and Rooster looked liked an excited little kid on Christmas morning. Oceans turned around and threw herself into Mavericks arms, hugging him tightly, he let out a ‘Opmh!’ with that sudden embrace, but he then could hear the soft sniffle that came out of her mouth, instantly Maverick wasn’t sure why that sniffle came out,

  ‘Is she sad? Happy? Goose talk to me, what’s this girl feeling?-‘

 “T-Thank you Maverick.”

 Maverick barely caught those words that escaped Oceans mouth, barely above a whisper they came out, but he was now relieved and sunk into her embrace, that became a large bundle of hugs when everyone else pitched in and hugged them all together. Coyote was the first to break the sappy moment when he called out,

  “This looks like we need a celebration!!”

  Oceans POV

Roads of cheers spread through the bar as everyone gathered around to celebrate, Maverick and Oceans let go of one another as she thanked him again in a loud voice, over all the noise,

 “Thank you Mav, this means the world to me!”

  Mav patted her cheek as he smiled,

 “You’re welcome, I couldn’t live on without you here with us, you’re part of our team now!

  “Thanks!”

Phoenix squealed as she came closer to Oceans as they began to jump together excitedly,

  “I can’t believe you’re going to be with us on the same ship and base, Connie!!”

  “Right!! This is going to amazing Nix!!”

Bob was quick to be sneaky as he got in between Phoenix and Oceans and said subtly,

  “Can’t wait to see what kinds of pranks we pull off on these guys!”

 Phoenix slapped his arm playfully as Oceans chided,

  “Oh they won’t know what’s coming..”

  Roosters POV

 Soon Payback got with the piano and began to play some jolly tunes here and there silently under the music that was already playing, trying to gain confidence to go all out and let others know that his 3 month piano classes had paid off. Rooster being the sweetheart he was encouraged him to take the next step, 

  “Come on buddy, play that tune you showed me the other day, that’ll be something that really kicks!”

  Payback shook his head no trying to play shy, but Oceans had heard what Rooster said and only wanted to help her friend get Payback into the rhythm,   

   “I want to hear it all Fitch, give us your best shot, plus it’s our last day!-“

  “Ok ok! Give me a second to compose myself here, then I’ll give you what y’all want!!”

  Rooster clapped his back proudly,

  “AYYYYY!! There’s our man!!”

 Rooster smiled at Oceans silently thanking her for helping him encourage Payback, he then sighed as he walked to the bar where Maverick was with Penny, he took a seat and huffed out sadly, his head was stuck on his wingman, Hangman.

  ‘Damn I miss you buddy.. even your stupid comments or jokes, i miss it all, all of you. I wonder where you went and why? All for a girl? Is she even that worth it? Hopefully so man.. I miss my wingman Dad... talk to him.’

Maverick was quick to see Roosters expression change, he could tell he was seriously thinking about something, or someone, and Mav knew just who it was, so he got up and sat on the seat next to Rooster and rubbed his back comfortingly,

  “He’ll be around again, don’t worry.”

 Rooster sent Maverick an appreciative smile,

  “Thanks Mav.. I just miss him.”

  “Me too, we all do, but why don’t you cheer up ok? It’s our last day here, and if he shows up he does, and if he doesn’t, you’ll see him tomorrow.”

  Considering it, Maverick was right, Hangman had become a changed man sense the day he got his 3rd kill after saving their lives, and from then he never left them hanging without a real, and good explanation. Rooster took in a deep breath as he replied,

  “You’re right.. lets just celebrate.”

Hangman’s POV 

  Hangman left his house after all that disaster with Jeffries and rushed to Hard Deck, it had been a long, exhausting day, and all he wanted was peace and quiet for once. The San Diego sun had already began to set painting the skies in beautiful colors of orange and pink, though at the very top of the sky, you could barely make out the light shade of blue and purple that began to appear. Hangman felt like the top part of the sky, purple, as it slowly devoured the bright colored sky that was coming to an end with the day. Hangman thought the day was going to end on a nice, quiet note with his wing buddies, but when he arrived, he saw that the parking lot was full and it seemed to be crowded inside. 

  ‘For fucks sake.. why does it gotta be so full?... oh shit.. that’s right! They’re all celebrating because we go back on base tomorrow... damn.. I’m happy for that at least.. I miss my baby girl.. my jet. I spent too much time away from everything I know and love.. I miss my friends too.. my real friends.. not Jeffries and her stupid team or who she calls friends! Fuck... I feel so terrible though... once agin I’ve lost everything.. and I feel more shitty than ever.. I definitely need a few drinks.’

  After sitting in his truck for a few minutes and sinking into his chair with sadness and self pity, he decided to wipe his face with his hands and climbed off his truck, that thankfully was untouched by Jeffries and her destructive friends, if not he then would’ve had a cow. He slowly walked on the sand feeling like with each step he took he sank more and more into it, but what kept him going was the loud cheers of people and the music that sounded lively and upbringing from the inside, the total opposite of how he felt in that moment. He finally arrived at the Hard Deck and began to walk up the steps, but stopped himself from going inside as he again felt the wave of shame and humiliation he had already gone through earlier that day,

  ‘What if everybody knows what happened? What if Jeffries told them all.. but filled with lies? Rooster and Coyote, Phoenix and Bob.. all the guys are there.. no.. maybe I shouldn’t go in, one of her friends or her enemy Oceans could be in there and cause an unnecessary scandal. My buddies and Wingman deserve to have a fun night.. I think I’ll just sit out here for now.. I have no where else to go.’

  Taking a seat by the door Hangman sat there for a while with his head in his hands, he wanted to calm himself down with the sound of the ocean that was right in front of Hard Deck, but all he could hear was the laughter, cheering and singing of the crowd, by then he could tell someone was playing the piano, which made him think of Rooster,

  ‘My man Rooster.. playing that piano of his.. though.. that doesn’t sound like him, Rooster plays quicker and tunes from oldies.. who’s playing then?’

  For a quick second Hangman got up and 

 looked through the window as he heard the piano playing loudly with a new, modern melody that was danceable, even in the pouring rain. He could also hear the people that began to sing along with a happiness in their voices, a happiness that he craved to have a small taste of in that moment. In the midst of all that, Rooster’s name was shouted following loud laughter and cute giggles, which caught Hangman’s attention, he saw Payback at the piano playing, 

  ‘Payback? Huh? Who would’ve thought.. I mean it does sound pretty great...’

  Soon he recognized a certain head of brown bushy curls that walked to a certain person helped them be propped onto the bar with Coyotes help, he saw this person on the bar beginning to twirl and dance with a flowy, baby blue sundress. ‘I Ain’t Worried’ played loudly as she tapped danced on the bar following the tune of the song, her hair was tossing everywhere with the twists and turns she gave, but she still seemed flawless. And soon Hangman recognized who it was, when she finally turned around and faced the window he was looking through,

  ‘Hey I remember her! That’s.. that’s the bruised girl I bumped into the first day I came back from the Pacific, at least she looks better now.. but damn she is radiant though, and.. and happy.’

  Oceans POV

 The smile on Oceans’ face was undeniably real, and more than anything beautiful as it beamed off her freckled face. Her hazel eyes almost matched the baby blue dress she wore, her eyes seemed to change color with her outfit, so she just looked amazing. While she danced to ‘I Ain’t Worried’, Oceans looked out the window to see for a second, how dark it was, determining for her how late it was, (her mind still worked in different things while having fun.) but her eyes were met with a curious face, that watched her through the window,

  ‘Who’s he? Why doesn’t he come inside? And why is he watching me?’

 Oceans was brought back to the moment when Rooster got on the bar too and began to dance hilariously, catching her eye and making her fall into a fit of giggles again. He pulled her arm bringing her towards him, he grabbed each of her hands, and held them tightly before saying, 

  “Are you ready?”

 Oceans was confused at what ‘Are you ready?’ meant, but she either way said yes, because she trusted him wholly.

  He sent her a great smile which his mustache followed, as he began to spin her around as he leaned back to get more speed off of it, she followed suit but began to squeal out of excitement and nervousness, it was more than fun to do, but on top of a bar was a new place to try that. Rooster threw his head back as he and the crowd let out a howl of shouts and laughter, the whole place was vivid with happiness and positive vibes. The song soon came to an end as Payback finished the last set of keys from the song, he of course prolonged it a little showing off his new skills at playing it surprisingly well. The spinning carefully came to a stop too when Rooster quickly brought Oceans close to his chest with a small lift off the bar so he could settle her down gently once she wasn’t dizzy but stable, and they could applaud Paybacks play. Penny then playfully but at the same time hiding her serious tone, scolded them both off the bar, Rooster jumped off first and he and Maverick help Oceans down the bar while holding her hands. Oceans’ mind in the midst of everything happening inside the bar, was now more curious at who was the man watching her from outside. By then everyone had seem to calm down and gone back to themselves as they chatted amongst each other. Oceans walked up to Phoenix and put forth,

  “I’m going to get some fresh air, I’ll catch you guys in a second.”

  Phoenix sent her a warm smile as she walked up to her with a couple of beers,

  “Oh course girl, stay around though, I’m going to be at the pool table with the boys.”

  “I’m just going to be on the deck here, thanks gorgeous.”

  Oceans grabbed the beer that Phoenix handed her with a kiss to her cheek, and while walking out the door Oceans also got an extra closed beer from the freezer, and walked out. Oceans went outside with the thought of catching the man outside, and she was glad to know she found who she was looking for. 

  ‘There you are! I guess you didn’t leave after all shy boy..’

 The fresh air of the night hit against her as she attempted to get closer to the man.

  From behind she could tell he was tall, maybe about 6’1 or 6’2? Blond hair and broad shoulders, he was leaning over the fence that wrapped around the deck of the bar. Oceans slowly walked closer and when she had gotten close enough, she called out to him in a small voice,

  “Excuse me?”

  Hangman’s POV

‘Who’s calling me? Hopefully it’s Jeffries.’

Hangman got off the fence slowly with a small grunt of relief, his shoulders were a little sore for leaning onto something for so long. A part of him hoped it was Jeffries, so he could make it up to her and try to fix what had happened earlier, but, at the same time no, because she really humiliated and hurt him. To his utter shock, once he fully faced the person that called out to him, Hangman was face to face with the girl that was on the bar dancing, and Hangman’s heart could only squeeze with awe at how beautiful she looked in the shine of a now bright moon.  

  Even in good times or in his heart break, Hangman was never one to miss a delicate work of art, and Oceans stood out. He was brought down from cloud 9 when he heard the girl say calmly,

  “Is there something I can get you sir? It’s on the house.. you look like you’ve had a rough night?”

 Hangman sniffed out of pure instinct and wiped his nose with the back of his hand as he thought,

  ‘Shit my eyes must be puffed out red and my face must look sloppy! Damn.. shit! You know what.. ughh.. ok.. I can take a free beer.’

  Hangman’s words came out a little ruff from the throat because he had been crying and hadn’t gotten a glass of water all day, but it was still clear when he said,

  “s-sure.. thanks.”

 The girl sent him a sympathized smile as she asked him,

  “Do you want a beer? I brought you one. It’s a light Coors Beer..”

  Hangman was quick to ask with anticipation,

  “Umm.. you saw me huh? Looking through a window like a creep?”

 The girl let out a small huff of laughter that Hangman truly believed was heavenly as she replied,

  “I did see you, but the thought about you being a creep didn’t even cross my mind to be honest, I just thought you were shy.”

 Hangman lifted a brow letting out a sigh,

  “Oh.. ok..”

 The girl lifted the beer as she asked again with the same calm smile,

 “So, do you want the beer?”

 Hangman shook his head with gratitude when he outstretched his hand for it, the girl quickly took the couple steps she needed to be close enough for him to grab it. Hangman took it as he asked,

  “Thank you ma’am.. umm you work here?”  

  “Yeah I do, for the past 3 months actually.”

  They clinked each other’s beers as Hangman said,

  “That’s nice.. I’m not a shy by the way, I’m just, Ja-Jake....”

 When he said his own name it burned his chest when he remembered all the words that Jeffries had told him earlier that day, degrading who he was and making his name and everything that came with it feel like nothing. He got cotton mouth at the thought of sounding disgusting when he said his name, he felt the way that Jeffries said he should feel when he said his name, disgusting. While Jake struggled within his mind, Oceans didn’t take quick noticed at his stammering and sudden stop to his sentence, she was taking a swig of her beer in that moment. But when she swallowed that portion properly, Oceans looked at Hangman in the eye and said,

  “I’m Constantine.”

 Hangman spit out his drink in more shock at the mention of her name,

  ‘Constantine Oceans!! So your that bitch Cathrine always talked about..’

 “Constantine Oceans?”

 His question brought a frown to Oceans face because she hadn’t told him her last name, and he seemed to know, but she replied,

  “Yeah, I’m Constantine Oceans, why? How’d you know? Wait are you Jake Seresin?”

 Her questioning him why only made him a little confused but the anger consumed it quickly as his face turned a dark shade of red, he completely faced her and threw in her face,

  “You know I’m Jake Seresin! And you’re one of Jeffries frienimies huh?!! A mean, and pathetic-“

 He was so desperate to degrade her too, but instead kept his mouth shut, as he tossed his beer in a near by trash can sending it to pieces as it broke. 

  Oceans POV

  Oceans jumped back and flinched at his words and sudden actions,

  ‘Wait so he is Jake Seresin and what the fuck was that? I’m not anything with Jeffries!!’

 “Hey I have nothing to do with her!-“

 Hangman growled as he stood a few feet away from her now,

 “Yeah right!! You are!! She said you were a bully and an asshole! I bet you helped her plan everything that they did to me earlier! It matches the description of who she told me you are! And you’ve all ruined me!”

 Oceans jaw dropped at his sudden change in behavior,

 ‘What did Jeffries do now?!’

 “I don’t know what you’re talking about Jake!-“

 “Yes you do, you’re just like her, a liar! Pretending to be all innocent when you’re just as cold blooded as her-“

  Rooster came into view all of a sudden when he crashed the argument,

  “Hey hey!! What the hell is going on! Hangman? Oceans?”

 Oceans looked at Rooster with her eyes beginning to tear up slightly as she responded with a slight shake to her voice,

  “I don’t know what he’s talking about, he saying that I did something to him, when that’s not true-“

  “Not true Constantine!-“

 Roosters POV

Rooster could see Oceans clear confusion and Hangman’s fury, so he knew he had to settle this fast, walking up to Hangman and placing his hands carefully on his wingman’s shoulders he said,

  “Hangman, let me handle this, Oceans, go inside now.”

 “But-“

 “Oceans, inside the bar now!”

 Rooster raised his voice enough for Oceans to know that he wasn’t taking any answers or ‘buts’. So she didn’t ask again as she walked back inside the building, and once she was out of sight, Rooster took a step back from Hangman and asked,

  “What the hell happened pal? 3 months I haven’t seen you and you show up like this?-“

  “Hey don’t throw this in my face! I didn’t have a choice!”

 “What do you mean? Hangman, what the hell did you do?”

 Hangman rubbed his face as he let out a huffed breath,

  “Fucking fell for a girl, that took advantage and total control of me without me noticing it, until it was too late.”

  Rooster wrapped his arm around Hangman’s slumped shoulders and walked him to a bench and sat him down as he continued to ask him,

  “What do you mean too late? What happened man?”

 “We were in a relationship-“

 “With who Hangs?”

 “A girl named Jeffries.. Cathrine Jeffries.”

 Rooster smacked his forehead,

 ‘This man was dating a snake!!’

 Rooster had heard some of the conversations Oceans had with Maverick about Jeffries, so he had a clear picture of who she was, so he gasped with shock in his tone,

 “Jeffries! Really-“

 “You know her!?”

 Rooster shook his head as he replied,

 “I don’t know her, I know about her.. and from what I’ve heard.. she’s a total witch. Don’t tell me you’ve been with her sense the day you two hooked up here!”

  Hangman stood up as he shouted,

  “Yes! Yes, I have been! But I thought we were doing great! I thought we really loved each other!”

 “What broke it off?”

 “When she begged me to transfer to be with her on her ship, the Enterprise? By then I had seen how controlling she was, and only separating me from my real family, you g-guys.”

 Hangman’s voice cracked on the ending of his sentence, and Rooster knew Hangman was definitely broken, he had never seen his cocky wingman so down, nonetheless cry. 

 “Are you transferring?”

 Hangman shook his head no as he sniffed,

  “No... that’s why we broke up.. because I said no and that she was being to controlling and possessive of me.. so I am decking with you guys, I’m going to be there with all of you. I’m never going back with her.”

 Jakes minds raced with the events that had happened earlier that day,

  (Beginning of flashback)

  ‘“Jakey, why don’t you just transfer with me? So we’ll never separate.. and be together forever?” 

 Hangman had also gotten sick of hearing her call him Jakey, like he was some little playboy. He was at first going to think about it, until she messed it up with her next, daring words,

  ‘Because I mean.. who would want to be a wingman with Rooster anyways? He’s just a loser like his father.’ 

 Hangman remembered the day he told everyone in the debriefing room about Maverick flying with Goose and trying to prove that Rooster was just as bad, and he regretted up until this day for what he did, deep down he knew it was a low blow.. so hearing those words coming from someone that meant nothing to his team, especially his own wingman Rooster, sent him to the edge with his stern answer,

  “You know what? No! I’d rather fly with my best friend and wingman Rooster, instead of someone like you who is degrading and controlling! How dare you say something like that!!”

 Jeffries made a gesture of her hand on her heart like if Hangman had shot her, but it was because he did, with his words, because before any of this, he had never made a choice for himself and stood up for it. But Hangman felt a little good to have that power back, as he continued,

  “So, I’m going back to my base, with my team, my friends, and my wingman, Rooster! And there’s nothing in this world that’s going to make me change my mind, not even you. Because we are over!”

 By this point she had started to cry loudly saying he was unfair and that her words came out by accident and by pure fear of thinking that he didn’t love her anymore, but Hangman had learned, that this was her way to try and manipulate him, and this time.. he wasn’t going to buy it. 

 Jeffries wailed pathetically,

  “That’s why no one will ever love you Jake! This is why you’re everyone’s disappointment! I’ve given you everything of me! And this is what I get back you ungrateful, and ugly bitch!!”

  He didn’t want to cave into her hurtful words anymore, which was why he took the keys to his truck and left, wanting to take a breath air, and think over it all again, so he could make a final decision.

 But, after a couple of hours of driving around and listening to country music, Hangman had thought it over, and falling into Jeffries trap again, he believed that she was probably right, 

 ‘She had given him everything, and he was ungrateful and pushing her away, maybe he misinterpreted their relationship and communication? So he went back to his house immediately to initially apologize, but he was met with a disaster.

 Walking into his home, he saw how everything was tossed around and broken, his favorite frame that he collected from Texas was thrown down, his cowboy hats were burned and so were his expensive cowboy boots, the couches looked like they had been demolished by cats, he thought he had seen the worse of it, till he walked into his room. When he opened the door, a bunch of girls sprang at him with loud screams and shouts, 

  “You’re a pathetic bitch!!”

 “You cheated on Cathrine!!”

 “Everyone hates you! We hate you!!”

 “This is what happens when you mess with us!!”

 Their phone cameras were in his face a they continued to rant and beat him with their words, he was about to run out, but he bumped into Jeffries who was behind him, wearing nothing but his Navy Dress Blues, with a pouty face, crying,

  “We’ll stop and clean up for you if you say yes?...”

 Hangman could feel his heart burn with fury as Jeffries had continued to hurt him, but he finally and wholly stood his ground,

  “No, Jeffries.. I’m done.. I’m leaving you.”

Shrugging off his coat with an angry huff Jeffries then threw it in his face as she told him coldly,

  “That’s why your mother and all women hate you.. you only take good things from us.. then leave us to hang when you’re done.. you’ll never find a lover again.. or like me.. just watch.. I’ll make sure that every women you end up with.. leaves you in a second.. I’ll make sure to let them know who you really are!!”

 That was the last thing Hangman heard from her or anyone else, as he collected his things, and left.

 (End of flashback)

  Rooster felt terrible for his wing buddy, and could only imagine that the break up wasn’t the only thing that had happened to make him so broken and distraught. But Rooster didn’t push it more as he suggested,

  “Why don’t we call it early tonight? And come to base yeah? Tomorrow we’re going to be doing flying tests, so let’s get you in shape for that?”

  Looking defeated Hangman replied,

  “Sure.. let’s go.”

 But before they could leave Hangman asked Rooster seriously,

  “Are you dating that Constantine girl? Because if you are I’d suggest you dump her mean-“

 Rooster walked beside him as he replied honestly cutting him off,

 “No, I’m not.. and what you said about her doing anything.. is impossible.. she’s been with me and Mav this whole time, but we’re done about it.. let’s go.”

  Oceans POV

 Oceans had been silent when she walked in, she felt her bones shake from within as she felt furious and a little scared too, though she didn’t really know him, she believed Hangman wasn’t violent towards anyone physically, but he was still very active and possibly more angry and hurt than her. All she could think about was what had happened and why,

  ‘God knows I never did a thing to that man, Jeffries is always screwing up everything and now I’m stuck on the ship with him!! Man I feel terrible for him he looked like hell!! What could she have possibly done to him? You know what- I’m going to find Jeffries and settle this.’

 While everyone in Hard Deck was distracted as they continued to celebrate, Oceans scribbled down a note saying she had to run a late errand quickly, leaving it there with the beer she abandoned.

Chapter 5

[arpov-blog-blog]

..."2 More Polls Have Biden Up/Other 2024 Election Notes - NPR/Marist, a highly respected poll, has Biden up 50-48 today, and a new Big Village poll came in at 42-40. Both showed Biden gains from their last poll. With these new polls there are now 14 polls taken since late February showing Biden leads (via 538):

50-48 NPR/Marist

42-40 Big Village

44-42 Morning Consult (this week)

48-45 Quinnipiac

44-43 Noble Predictive

44-43 Economist/YouGov (March 19)

47-45 FAU/Mainstreet

44-43 Morning Consult (March 11)

46-45 Public Policy Research

50-48 Ipsos/Reuters

45-44 Civiqs

47-44 Kaiser Family Foundation

51-49 Emerson

43-42 TIPP

The latest Harris X poll, which has consistently had Trump up by 5-6 points, now has the race even at 50-50. As I wrote yesterday, after the GOP’s corruption of polling in 2022, I don’t pay much attention to polls funded by Republican-aligned groups like the Murdoch-owned Wall Street Journal, and neither should you.

In case you need it here are some recent posts, pods and videos of why I am optimistic about winning this November.

In GOP primary voting last night Trump’s opponents once again broke 20% in CT, NY and WI. It’s a continued sign of his struggle to bring his party together, of what I call the splintering of the GOP. The opposition to Trump inside the GOP is unprecedented in the last several generations of American politics - Romney, Cheney, former staff, etc. Haley has still not endorsed, and Trump has said he doesn’t want her. Whereas what I think is happening inside our party is a spirited and important debate over policy. No Dem official is holding back their endorsement of Biden. The party is unified as we head into the general election, with work to do, no doubt, but building and maintaining winning coalitions is always hard and challenging, and will be again this year. To be very clear what is happening inside our parties are not the same, not mirror images of one another, and attempts to paint them as similar are misleading and false. There is no significant and organized opposition to Biden inside the Dem Party as there is inside the GOP.

Polling in the Maryland Senate race has begun coming back to Earth with Former GOP Governor Larry Hogan only up 1 over David Trone (43-42) and 4 over Angela Alsobrooks (44-40) in new local polling. While we have work to do here in Maryland, we should win here, with either candidate.

Ruben Gallego just reported raising $7.5m in the first quarter - a really big number! Thanks to all of you who have helped critical campaign. From the story:

“Thanks to the support of hundreds of thousands of small-dollar donors who have chipped in what they could to help elect Ruben Gallego, we are building the infrastructure to win this November,” Nichole Johnson, Gallego’s campaign manager, said in a press release. “Arizonans are ready to elect a senator who will defend abortion rights, cut costs for families and take care of our veterans — and that’s exactly what Ruben will do.”

Ruben texted me yesterday thanking all of us for the significant support we’ve showed for his campaign so far - great work all."

[denimbex1986]

'Irish star Andrew Scott has suggested that there should be weekly sales of West End theatre tickets as young people struggle to afford £150 tickets.

The 47-year-old actor, known as the “hot” priest in the comedy series Fleabag and as James “Jim” Moriarty in the detective show Sherlock, has won Olivier Awards for his theatre work.

His latest production, Vanya, an adaption of Russian playwright Anton Chekhov’s family drama Uncle Vanya will be shown in cinemas from February 22.

When the critically acclaimed play was on at the Duke of York’s Theatre in September, there was a ballot for £10 tickets for under 30s, amid reported sales of seats for up to £180.

Scott told Isobel Gough on BBC Radio 4’s Broadcasting House programme that he thinks the current situation is “a problem”.

He said: “No matter how zeitgeisty or how modern you think your play is, if you are having to spend £150, no person between the age of 16-25 or beyond is going to be able to afford that, that is frustrating to me.

“Hopefully there is some night or two nights a week when you can get something like a sale rack, you have to be prepared to rummage a little bit.

“It is important that it doesn’t remain an elitist art form.”...

In October 2020, Scott won the best actor Olivier Award for his role in Present Laughter, a modern reflection on fame, desire and loneliness. He also won the 2005 gong for outstanding achievement in an affiliate theatre for A Girl In A Car With A Man, which focuses on a narcissistic male character.

Scott recently starred in All Of Us Strangers about an adult dealing with the grief of losing both his parents along with Paul Mescal.

The fantasy drama has been nominated for a total of six Baftas, which also includes best director for Looking series writer Andrew Haigh and outstanding British film.'

"Do you know what? It is intimidating. One of the beautiful things about the theatre is that you get to re-correct, you know, you get to correct something, you know - right to the last night you're going: 'Oh I can do that better, I can do that better. So it is slightly torturous, that you go 'I've seen one and oh maybe I didn't - ' but I will never watch it."

"Do you know - I think there's a myth about stillness in the theatre. I definitely think stillness is something that can be felt. One of the great things about theatre acting for me is that it's the only art form where you don't actually get to see the product, you know? You're a painter, you see the painting, you write a book, you read the book. There's something very freeing about the fact that, you know, that I, I'm never gonna actually have to watch it- I love that. Actually the way these things are filmed now, they're so amazing - they don't, you don't feel the camera like approaching you, zooming in or anything."

"Yeah, I - I agree. No matter how, you know, zeitgeisty or how modern you think your play is, if you're having to spend 150 quid, no person between the age of 16 and 25 or beyond is going to be able to afford that; it's frustrating to me. Usually, hopefully, there's some night or two nights a week when you can get something but you just, you know, like, like a sale rack, you have to sort of be, be prepared to rummage a little bit. But I do, I agree - I think it's, it's important that it doesn’t remain an elitist art form. Yeah, we just gotta, just gotta try our best, really.”

[dzpenumbra]

6/18/23

Wow, the year's really flying by, isn't it.

I'm not avoiding talking about something... no... just making an astute remark that we're more than halfway through the year. That's all...

Okay. There's some guilt on my shoulders. And... it's part of this stupid predatory dating app game us homebodies are made to play. I got a like on Bumble, which is unfathomably rare. Like... "maybe 2 or 3 a year" rare And... I do this thing were if I'm somewhat unsure if I'm into someone or if I'm idealizing, I just close out of the app and come back to it at a different time. Either later that day or the next day, something like that. And I had someone up that... the way they communicated seemed like someone I would get along very well with. But there were two hang-ups.

1). I'm not 100% physically attracted to her, closer to like... 60%. And I have a bad history with that. I honestly don't think it's healthy... or fair for the other person for me to just kinda... force myself to be attracted. Physical attraction is far from the most important thing, by a long shot... but it's really the one of the most defining factors that discriminates this type of relationship from others. Physical intimacy. For me, at least, I get that others aren't like that... But for me, sex is for relationships and friends are for friends. So... with this chick, the personality seemed there (from what I could tell on a fucking dating app), but even coming back again I just... I wasn't there attraction-wise. Which sucks, because she lives in my neighborhood, and they don't have a "hey, let's be friends and hang out, you seem cool" swipe option.

2). She had her Instagram linked and some of the photos were just a little too weird for me. And that's coming from me, the guy whose last piece was painting tattoo ink on a goat skull. One was this big fungus bloom that looked like a flowery skull, one was a cat that was... I don't know, it looked kinda inbred or something, its eyes were way too low on its skull and it was just offputting to me... and a picture in a graveyard. And I feel bad for being judgmental, for judging a book by its cover. And yeah, I bet my shit could look that way to normies too... which made me feel extra guilty. But it's how I felt, and I just felt off about it.

But yeah, on third consideration this morning... I swiped left... and it said I missed a match. And my heart immediately sank. And I felt deep guilt and regret. Like... we might've been able to at least be good friends or something, or art buddies... I don't know. But I didn't want to mislead someone that might be more attracted to me than I was to her, because I've been there before and... my fawning does not react well in that situation. It impulsively tries to put me into a relationship out of guilt. And that's super bad for me, and for them. Yeah, it just made me feel shitty all around... but mostly that dating apps make us play these shitty games with each other.

I'm sure women go through denying people all the time on these sites. I feel super bad when that happens with someone I have actually put strong consideration into, especially because of how rarely it happens for me.

So yeah, that made me want to get the fuck off dating apps for a while.

I had a vivid dream last night that woke me up again, that same 3-4 hour window. I journaled it and eventually went back to sleep, getting up after another 3 hours of sleep. A short but sweet yoga routine today. Worked out, it was ab focused today. My abs are getting in shape super quick, I'm excited about it, it happened so much quicker than I expected. I'm even getting more mobility with my joints which is sick. Like I can go from plank to standing by just swinging my leg forward and standing up much easier now. That kinda shit, especially hip mobility and more range of motion squatting and shit, that's gonna help with snowskating a lot.

I watched RP for a few hours. The streamer I've been watching got engaged. He's 6 years younger than me. More power to him. Just... added a layer of... "woe is me, I'm going to die alone" to the day.

I just often feel like my life is passing me by. And I understand the sentiment behind my past and current therapists urging caution and encouraging me to be very slow with reintegrating into society, as to avoid flooding. But... I fear it's unavoidable at this point. And... it's been 4 fucking years, dogg. 5, really. When the fuck am I going to be "ready"? Is there a "ready"? What am I waiting for?

I think what my therapists have been waiting for is for me to naturally develop a stable healthy friend network before encouraging me to date again. So I have someone to talk to if I'm having trouble in my relationship. Even though... that's something I'm not supposed to go to friends with, right? I don't even know anymore. That's the problem with finding out you've got a full hand of shitty friends, you get super disoriented with what it's actually healthy and socially acceptable to ask your support system for support with.

Like... my former support network found retweeting my go-live tweets for my stream to be "too much to ask". My former support network thought penciling in once-a-month phone calls was "friendship". So... that shit gets disorienting.

But yeah, I just... I feel myself getting older. I see it now too. Hair is getting grayer (or greyer if you speak correct English), love handles have formed, posture is sagging. I'm begrudgingly accepting that I'm in my late-30's. And I'm sure if you're older than this, you're scoffing at this point. XD I used to scoff at people in my age bracket talking like this too. I know I have plenty of life ahead of me. But... what gets me is this...

I'm... for the first real time in my life... reconsidering whether I want to have kids. It was always a given. It was always "duh, being an awesome cool dad is like... my primary goal in life." Seriously. Some people want to be rich, some people want to be famous, some people want to be physically desirable, some want to climb to the top of some arbitrary ladder that is attractive to them... I've always just wanted to be a Good Dude. A good friend, an honest person, someone whose door is always open, who you can always talk to about anything even if it's 4AM, who is always down for a game night, who will fill the air with funny jokes and good music and the smell of delicious comfort foods. A good friend, a good partner and a good father. That's all I've wanted to be.

Now? I feel like I actually have to... reconsider whether being a father is an option. Because I'm starting to get to the age where... if I'm dating someone in my local age range? Having a kid is... starting to get to the zone where it might be a little dangerous for my partner. At least... that's what I've been told. And... to say that complicates things is an understatement. At that point, it's not just the insanely scary question of "are we ready for a kid"... but it's "are we willing to put your life in danger for a kid". And that's... its a whole other can of worms.

So over the past few years, I've had to actually branch out of this fantasy of me finding an awesome partner and settling down and creating a home and both have our first kid together... And instead entertain the idea of... parenting someone else's child. Possibly even straight-up never having the experience of my partner birthing my child at all. And that thought isn't "good or bad" by nature, it's just... severely novel. And kinda challenges my preconceived ideas of what my desired life looks like.

So yeah, the more I see these weeks and months and years peel by with me just gazing longingly out the windows... the more I feel that dream of being the Good Dude - in the form I imagined... - slipping out of my fingers like sand.

Depressing enough for ya? I could go on, but I'd rather share this thought I was going to add to last night's journal but never got around to.

I looked into an art collective near my building the other day. They have a website, they're a block away from my building. I guess they're basically an apartment building? But it looks like they have a gallery space too, and they do shows and... well... it looks like they mostly do the whole nude model drawing thing. I didn't see anything else openly scheduled. They have vacancies, open studios for rent. "$350/mo, high-speed WiFi, 24 hour access, great location, full kitchen, bath, W/D, roof access, networking opportunities, event space usage." I... my apartment I have right now is plenty of space. And it's actually a bit pricey. I don't think I can tack that on... especially for a studio I'm just not going to use because I'm just going to work here. And $350 is a lot to pay for just... networking opportunities.

But the place is there. It's a block away. It's an option to meet people. People who might get me, and accept me for who and what I am. It brings me hope. I just don't know how to proceed. If they had a show listed, I could just go to that and just introduce myself as new to the area and go from there. Idk, it's something. It's way better than the whole gazing longingly out the window and sand slipping through the fingers image.

Anyway, part of the depresso mode is because I streamed. I cooked a big-ass rice and bean burrito, shoved that in my face hole, digested a bit and then streamed for 3.5 hours. Literally no one showed up. In a way, it takes the pressure off of streaming. In a way, it's like "why the fuck am I bothering". I don't miss this feeling. All that considered, I got a bunch of work done on the digital piece, it's coming along nicely.

I've put more thought into the Micro Zen Gardens and I like the idea of using sand and stones to start. In fact, I can use the really cool stones that I have saved and put aside to be polished... maybe they were destined for other purposes? I can get bags of sand delivered from either Lowe's or Tractor Supply, which is dank. Gravel... I had less luck with. I might have to order it locally or something. Never even tried before, so... no clue. So... I'm considering getting some more pots and soil to grow the beans I've been planning on planting... and see if Lowe's has any kind of tray-like things to make a zen garden like this in... and get the sand too. The only problem with sand is... water features are probably a no-go, because that's a one-way ticket to clogging the cheap pump I have. Large gravel I have little to no concerns with, as long as the water is clean, but sand will go right in that thing. So... I'll look into that order tomorrow and see what it might set me back.

My depression has been getting a bit strong... but my inspiration was flooding first. And I'm very grateful for it. I don't think it's a coincidence that my dreams are surreally intense in the same timeframe. The High Priestess is back in town. :)

Tarot time.

Past - XI: Justice, inverted (A force that can see your true intentions, your inner thoughts, but can see the world as a whole as well.  She represents inner revelations coming to light, and the action of true justice.) Present - Queen of Swords (Facing/revealing the truth with dignity and poise.  When giving - phrasing critique tactfully, when receiving - openly considering perspective.) Future - King of Swords (Balance and harmony between intelligence and intuition.  Objective, meditative, balanced, clear of mind.)

I got really hung up on the first card. And it's kinda throwing off my whole reading. I've been doubting myself. Let me explain.

The first card is Justice, and she's inverted. This is my first time reading this card. So... I don't like to read inversions as opposites... more like blockages or personal refusals to engage with that symbol. This one... is confusing. Mostly because of the graphic itself. The card is a close-up of a woman's face, and the scales are reflected in her eye. But... if the card is upright, she doesn't look directly at you, the reader. If she is inverted, she looks directly at you. So... right now... she's inverted, but she's staring at me. Right in the eye. And the scales are inverted. And that kinda makes this conflicted for me in reading this. Because I feel like it's supposed to be read like "justice is not working for you", or "justice is working against you", or it's out of whack or something... but... she seems to see me just fine... So.. that's tricky to read and I'm not sure what to make of it.

That's connected to the Queen of Swords. She is the master of telling the truth, no matter how much it hurts. But on the flip side, she's really good at receiving difficult or challenging truths.

This is connected to the King of Swords, who is more of the strong, silent, meditative type. He has harmony between his mind and his heart, and he - as opposed to the Queen - leads by example instead of word.

So... I'm caught up in interpreting all of this because I don't know where to start with Justice, it's a powerful card. A symbol and power that I... have had quite a few face-to-face run-ins with in my life. It's a force that I deeply respect, to the point of fear. But... has Justice really been blind? Has Justice seen my true underlying Good and simply... been blocked a bit in bringing that side of justice to light? Has Justice been... unfair to me? Maybe that's what brought me to being directly blunt and truthful with others, often to degrees that make them deeply uncomfortable. (clearly not intentionally) And to be able to stomach those same truths, because I'm already well aware that whatever force Justice really is, it can already see through me. And I feel like it's ultimately a better life to live as though your inner thoughts can be seen. To live a bit more honestly. Though... it's vastly more difficult. Since I've been working on sorta... telling myself those difficult truths just as much as I tell anyone else theirs... it makes it much easier to hear them myself. But this doesn't have to be the final form of this. Because the Queen is not the easiest role to be in, especially emotionally. And she can often... piss people off, and not be the best friend. First I needed to learn how to speak, now I need to learn how and when to shut the fuck up. And that's the King. Leading by example rather than pointing out flaws, even if intentions are good. I think good therapists learn this quickly. You can help people see something in themselves, if they seek it, but showing it to them can very easily make you an enemy in their eyes. Then you can never be of help to them. Sometimes it's better to demonstrate the grace of being self-reflective, and hope they give it a shot themselves. I guess.

I'd like to learn more about the face cards. All of them. They're very interesting cards, they're all like... idealized people. Very different than the numbered suited cards. Whenever I pull them I feel intimidated, so... I'd like to spend a little more time getting to know them.

Welp, I'd like to think I turned that reading around a bit, that ended up working out. Alright, I'm pretty wiped, I'm gonna head to bed.

Fun final add-on: The placeholder card I pulled to use as a bookmark in my little reference book for the tarot deck? The Lovers. <shrug>

[strongitsalifestyle]

Thailand & Beijing 10 Day Trip 2011

7/15-7/24

Visas are required for US Citizens and citizens of most other countries for entry into China.

JULY 15 DEPART USA for BEIJING

Non-stop Group Flight from JFK-Beijing

JULY 16 ARRIVE BEIJING

• Meet guide at airport

• Transfer to hotel via coach with guide

• Hotel Check-in Regent Hotel

http://www.regenthotels.com

Day 1 BEIJING FULL DAY SIGHTSEEING

AM Half Day Tour: Tiananmen Square, Forbidden City

Beijing Tiananmen Square and and Forbidden City Tour Description: Tiananmen Square is the largest public square in the world. It has long been a gathering place for locals and visitors alike. On the north side of the square is Tiananmen Gate (the Rostrum). It was from the balcony of the Rostrum on October 1, 1949 where Mao Zedong, chairman of the Communist Party, proclaimed the founding of the People's Republic of China. Mao gazes south from a huge portrait on the south side of the gate onto Tiananmen Square. Behind the Rostrum lies the Forbidden City, also known as the Imperial Palace.

The Forbidden City (Imperial Palace), directly behind the Rostrum, was home to 24 emperors beginning with its creation by Emperor Yongle in 1420 until the last Qing emperor, Puyi, left in 1924. The entire complex consists of 8,706 rooms in which an estimated 8,000 to 10,000 people lived including 3,000 eunuchs, as well as maids and concubines, all within 170 acres. Behind walls more than 30 feet high and within the 160-foot moat, complex rules and rituals dictated life in the Imperial Palace. Strictly off-limits to Chinese ordinary people (hence the name) the gates today lead to a fascinating display of Chinese history in what is probably the best-preserved site of Classical Chinese architecture.

Day 2 JULY 18 Beijing Summer Palace and Urban Planning Museum Tour.

Drive to Northwest Beijing to visit The Summer Palace is one of the finest landmarks in Beijing. It has long been a royal garden and was considerably enlarged and embellished by Emperor Qianglong in the 18th century. It was later abandoned. Empress Dowager Cixi began rebuilding in 1888 using money that was supposedly reserved for the construction of a modern navy. Walk along the Long Corridor. This 728-metre long corridor is decorated with 8,000 paintings including many from the emperor-s travels around the country. The Beijing Urban Planning Museum exhibits stunning scale models of Beijing's city planning including its business districts, Olympic Village and on the third floor the entire city of Beijing in miniature and aerial photographs.

Donghuamen Night Market is the most famous street of its kind in Beijing. It is very popular with both local and international tourists.

Day 3 JULY 19 BEIJING FULL DAY GREAT WALL TOUR

We toured the Mutianyu section of the Great Wall. In order to get it this section we took a cable car.

The Mutianyu Great Wall used to serve as the northern barrier since ancient times, defending against the Huns outside the Great Wall in the north. During the Ming Dynasty, it was an important gateway for guarding the capital and the imperial mausoleums.

After our visit to the Great Wall we enjoyed a Peking Duck dinner at a local restaurant.

DAY 4 JULY 20 BEIJING BUSINESS VISITS /TRANSFER TO BANGKOK

Morning Visit to Google to learn about the business in Beijing.

Afternoon Economy flight from Beijing to Bangkok

Transfer from airport-hotel and Hotel Check-in

JULY 21 Day 4 BANGKOK

Check-in Bangkok: 4 nights Novotel Peace Hotel

JULY 22 BANGKOK CITY TOUR FULL DAY

Morning: Our coach bus took us to the Grand Palace, comprising the Funeral Palace, the Reception Palace, the Throne Hall, the Coronation Hall, the Royal Guest House, and the beautiful Emerald Buddha Temple (Wat Phra Kaew).

We then went on a Klong tour through the canals of Bangkok is the ultimate way to discover Thonburi, the old part of Bangkok. We traveled by long-tail boat through the klongs to see the family homes, temples and way of life, which gives this city the name “Venice of the East”.

We stopped at the Temple of Dawn (Wat Arun) whose 79m spire has become a symbol Bangkok.

For the Afternoon portion we visited the Jim Thompson’s magnificent Thai-style house which contains a collection of art objects and antiques. In addition to the Museum, you could relax with a coffee in the stylish café or browse the wonderful collection of silk products. It is a relaxing escape from the bustling streets of Bangkok.

We then headed to the State Tower hotel in a Tuk tuk. In Bangkok,Tuk Tuk is a motorized three-wheeled taxi.

State Tower Bangkok is known for their Lavish suites, breathtaking views, fine dining and iconic rooftop bars - experience the one and only lebua at State Tower, the best luxury hotel in Bangkok. One of the world's highest bars, Sky Bar had a starring role in the Hangover 2 movie.

When we return back to the hotel, we had a group Thai foot massage. A Thai foot massage applies pressure to particular areas of the soles of the feet. Hands, fingers, thumbs, knuckles and a rounded wooden Thai foot massage stick are used to stimulates certain areas of the feet releasing blocked energy within the body's many Sens lines (Thai-based meridians).

JULY 23 Hutchinson Ports & Pattaya

In the morning we headed to Hutchinson Ports Thailand which was 20 mins from our hotel. It is the largest container terminal operator at Laem Chabang Port, Thailand. operating ports and terminals in 25 countries worldwide. We learned about international shipping.

We then headed in the coach bus to our next destination which was 37 mins to Pattaya is located on Thailand's eastern Gulf coast, Pattaya is known as the “Hawaii of the East” for its abundant sunshine, beautiful beaches and delectable seafood. The coastline runs 15 kilometers along crystal clear water, a popular attraction for sunbathers and beach enthusiasts from all over the world.

We returned to Bangkok, to enjoy a Dinner on a boat. The food and dancers were amazing. They dance their native dance.

After dinner we went to a Muay Thai Fight at the Rajadamnern Stadium. This is a sporting arena in Bangkok, Thailand. Along with Lumpinee Boxing Stadium, Rajadamnern is one of the two main stadiums for modern muay Thai. It hosts fights every Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Sunday. Our guide was able to get us front row seats to the fight.

JULY 24 Thai massage & Airport

I booked a Thai massage at my hotel, thee session lasts around 90 minutes. Practitioners use their entire bodies, including their hands, elbows, feet, and knees to stand, kneel, or walk on the recipient and create deep pressure. 

Airport transfer Bangkok to Hong Kong 3:20pm

Check next blog post about my 3 Day Trip in Hong Kong!

[creativeenquirylynnbowers]

Daily Rituals: How Artists Work by Mason Currey

Notes:

Georgia O'Keeffe (1887 - 1986)

Getting up at dawn.

Make a fire and some tea.

Sit in bed and watch the sun rise.

Thought that mornings were the best time - no one around.

A half hour walk in the early morning, watching out for rattlesnakes.

Breakfast at 7am - chili with garlic oil, soft boiled/scramble eggs, bread with savoury jam, fresh fruit and coffee/tea.

If painting, spend the rest of the day in her studio.

A lunch break at 12pm.

If not painting, she would work in her garden, answer letters or do housework.

She enjoyed the painting days more - no rushing about.

Final meal at 4:30pm, something light.

She ate early so that she had time to drive through the countryside.

Andy Warhol (1928 - 1987)

Every weekday morning from 1976 until he passed, he would talk on the phone for about 1-2 hours to his longtime friend and collaborator Pat Hackett about what had happened the previous day.

Initially for tax purposes, these notes became a diary, an insight into Warhol's life.

These morning phone calls were very important to Warhol and he only missed them if he was "forced to".

Then he'd get ready for his day.

Take his dogs down to the kitchen and eat breakfast with his housekeepers.

Shopping for a few hours.

Arriving at the office between 1 - 3pm, he would send people out to get snacks like brownies.

Drinking carrot juice or tea.

Check appointment books for events.

Return and take calls, open mail - some of the more interesting mail he kept in a time capsule. This was basically everything.

Chat to people around the office.

Read the days newspapers by the sunny window.

Work on artwork in his workspace until the end of the day.

Spend time paying bills and talking to friends on the phone.

Go home and get ready to go out again to dinners, parties, etc.

No matter how late he stayed out, he was always ready for his diary phone call with Hackett the next morning.

Jackson Pollock (1912 - 1956)

New start in 1945, moving from New York to a small fishing village in Long Island with his wife Lee Krasner.

Previous problem with alcohol, drinking with his bar buddies, constant parties.

Less drinking and beginning to paint again.

Developed the drip painting technique for which he became famous for.

Slept until the early afternoon - sleeping all day and working at night.

Go downstairs for coffee and cigarettes at around 1pm.

Head out to his studio which was converted from a barn.

Work in his studio until around 5 - 6pm.

Walk to the beach with Krasner.

Dinner in the evening with a couple they were friends with.

As he drank less, Pollock slept more.

Willem De Kooning (1904 - 1997)

Difficult time waking up in the morning.

Waking up at 10 - 11am.

Drink strong cups of coffee.

Painting all day and into the night.

Breaks for dinner and/or visitors.

Couldn't sleep when a painting was bothering him.

Spend nights pacing the streets of Manhattan.

Kept this routine after his marriage in 1942.

Marina Abramovic (b. 1946)

Four decade career.

Forced herself into displays of tremendous and shocking discipline and endurance.

2010 career retrospective at New York's Museum of Modern Art, Abramovic performed the piece "The Artist is Present" where she sat motionless for every hour that the exhibition was open - 7 hours, 10 on Fridays, 6 days a week for 11 weeks.

Viewers were allowed to sit in a chair opposite her for as long as they liked.

She had to train to go without food and the use of the bathroom.

Abramovic developed a training routine to prepare for the opening in 3 months.

This involved attempting to go for long periods of time without taking in fluids.

She did this by hydrating during the night, waking up and taking in small amounts of water every 45 minutes.

For performance days:

Waking up at 6am.

Take a bath and have her last drink of water at 7am.

Breakfast of lentils and rice with black tea.

She would then be driven to MOMA at 9am and change into her dress.

Keep visiting the bathroom for 45 minutes until her bladder was empty.

Draw a line on the wall to mark the performance of the previous day.

Sit by herself for 15 minutes before visitors arrive.

On returning home, she would eat a light meal.

Bed by 10pm, continuing her water intake training.

No answering calls or emails - completely isolated in that sense.

No talking except to the museum guard, the curator, her assistant and the photographer.

This is how she usually works.

New ideas take over her life.

When not working on a project, she has no real routine.

The rigorousness comes out only for performances.

I focused on the artists in this book but it's full of notable people and their versions of a daily routine. Overall, it's really interesting to get an insight into how these artists worked/work. I can relate to some of it in terms of having trouble sleeping, staying asleep and that can bleed out and affect the rest of my day. Like Abramovic, when I'm not particularly busy with a project, my routine tends to relax or disappear completely. However, for me, this affects my ability to get back into a routine again, especially if I've been isolating myself for a long time.

[1905yixh]

Virtual Sketchbook 2: PART 3 & 4

PART 3

Color affects me most when I want to feel a certain way. This usually happens when I am stressed or tired, and I look outside at the green grass and trees to calm myself down. Green gives off feelings of comfort and relaxation, and looking at nature tends to help stave off negative feelings. If I had to pick a "color scheme" for my life, it would probably be a combination of soft greens and bright reds. I am a very relaxed person who tends to let life lead me places (going with the flow), but what a lot of people don't know about me is that I am filled with curiosity and ambition for learning new things. Last night, I was so excited about going to college, gaining independence, and learning new things that I couldn't sleep until 6 A.M. in the morning. When I find a new hobby, I tend to obsess over it, and I think both the calm and ambitious aspects of my personality make up most of who I am as a person.

PART 4

This piece was something I made quickly using my limited skills with Chinese painting/calligraphy. It takes a lot of brush control and subtle inking techniques to get right, and I definitely messed up a bit with the background, but I love how the fish turned out. The main emphasis of this piece is the fish, since it is a bright pop of red in a piece that is mainly black and white. Chinese painting is important to me because it connects me to my roots as a Chinese-American immigrant, and is a style that I want to incorporate into my future comic art.

[grilledcheese-8008]

January 2023

Start with Cesar and I are no longer together. Saw Tellez two nights ago and made the realization that he began it. The talk on September 3rd, 2021 Then Salazar ended it completely on Aug 2, 2022. Anyway, so a lot of bs came with that "break up" that had me stressed the fuck out. Had a 9 to 5 desk job at Texan Credit. Didn't last very long Feb to July ish. In October, took the boys and me to Lubbock, tx for a TU and ADTR concert for a couple of days, paid for by me. Hotel, transportation, and they took care of their food expenses. That shit was a blast. Asked them at the concert if I were to break up with Cesar, would they stay friends with me? Knowing myself I'd never accept them or believe them bc they were friends first. They said yes that I was one of the boys. So. That was a lie bc they all took me off most social media. That's cool. Not hurt about it bc yk me never believed we were friends. Opened up a credit union account. Took over Thelma's Toyota payments but since I'm being nice. I'm letting Cesar use it while he tries to save up for a car of his own, and he sends me the car payment. Anyway, works garbage. It's only 3 managers now. Ricky is gone to another store. I work 3/5 evenings. The ones she doesn't work. At some point i was drinking after every shift bc, it was that bad and with all bs, I was going thru with bd drama. Spying and lying and being creepy. The last post mentioned Grandpa. He passed the morning after we were there outside his house watching him with mom. Got the call on lunch with my supervisor. Sent me home after. Went to Mexico with them to put him with mom's mom. I'm getting the hang of being alone.I just need to figure out this babysitter shit bc I hardly see my baby which is something else that was stressing me. House-wise, they did the floor before the split. And Nacho just painted my lr and kitchen couple of days ago. Need to pay off the phone so I can have my line. Keep wanting to write my stories but it's hard. Idk how to manage my time. I'm always fucking tired. I sleep in until I go in to work. Sparing an hour or less to see my baby before going in. Work... is taking away our 10 ot hours and bonuses. So yk gotta find a way to make up for that on the side. But hey I'll only have to work 4 10hr shifts. Gives me 3 days with my baby. Salazar-wise... everything's great so far but that's (I think anyway) bc he doesn't know me, yk? I told him from the first day... I got a kid so yk... that means I'm looking for something serious and long-term. Feeling he feels the same. I express how I feel about him every time I'm with him and he always assures me he feels the same too. Cool. Just that my mom and Thelma want to meet you and those are important ppl in my life and he said he'll talk to my mom. Gotta let him know what that means coming from my side. I tell him also, I'm not trying to make you do anything you don't want to do. Idk man. Supposed to see him today. Also have 13 tattoos total. Every time Thelmas comes home for drill we kinda get a new tattoo.

[joseph-blake-smith-arkansas]

Joseph Blake Smith Arkansas | 7 Habits of Highly Effective Artists

Continuing from my last post on rigor and creative blocks, I would like to explain creativity using his 7 Habits of Highly Effective Artists outlined by his 3D artist Andrew Price from Australia as a springboard. Joseph Blake smith Arkansas suggest some habits of highly effective painting artist. Here you are:

1. Daily Business

Yes! ! Even 30 minutes a day is better than cramming it into the day. Sure, on the move, it can be fruitful to hang out all night and finish something in a burst of inspiration, but in the long run, it’s worth it to develop my artistic skills. It should be a daily practice. 

Growing up as a musician and a singer is very important to me. Of course, there are days when I go off the shelf and skip training, but I know the cost. You can’t take back her 30 minutes in the past, and you can’t even trade her 3 hours in the future. This often makes me practice, even if it’s only a few passes through the song (now I’m playing gayageum instead of singing).

You cannot get back 30 minutes in the past in exchange for 3 hours in the future. This thought makes me practice. Balance strict discipline with generosity, and remember to be kind to yourself too. I’m not a robot, so taking occasional breaks during the workday is okay.

Let me add that I am equally strict about taking regular vacations. On my Sabbath days, I open my laptop to sew missing buttons or watch Korean TV with my grandma. You can get very few things from eating ice cream in the morning.

2. Volume, Not Perfection

I think so. Every project, audition, etc., is an opportunity to grow as an artist, whether the result itself is successful or not. I have many good and bad ideas, and I have implemented many of them, so some will inevitably lead to success and some to failure. It’s not necessarily about being as productive as possible or hoping something will work out. This adds volume, encourages you to try things outside your comfort zone as an artist, and is less intimidating when the need for perfection isn’t pressing.

3. Steal

“The only art I learn is stealing.” – said David Bowie. The act of creating is rewriting, redrawing, and redesigning. I learned long ago in a composition class that composting is the act of rewriting what has already been written (Roland Barthes’ Writing Degree Zero). Nothing new under the sun. Just rewrite, redraw, and redo the same note.

It is about taking what has been done and redoing it in your way, with sincere effort and unwavering commitment by Joseph Blake Smith Arkansas.

4. Conscious Learning

Mindless practice doesn’t always help, I agree. For a time-conscious person like myself, this can be a bigger problem than getting me to practice. It may not have been the type of exercise that was beneficial. It’s hard to break out of a routine regarding check-in lessons, structural changes, or pausing to ensure you’re on the right track.............

#JBlakeSmithLittleRockArkansas #josephblakesmith #JosephBlakeSmithLittleRock #josephblakesmithAR #JosephBlakeSmithArkansas #JosephBlakeSmithLittleRockArkansas

#josephblakesmithlittlerockAR #BlakeSmithAR #BlakeSmithArkansas #JBlakeSmith #BlakeSmithLittleRockArkansas #JBlakeSmithAr #JBlakeSmithArkansas

For More

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[artemiseamoon]

Wisteria & Moonlight 4

Ajani x Will | ft Miller family, Zola

Chapter 4: Unearthed pt 2

Words: 3,917

Warnings: hallucinogenic plant, grieving, mention of parents passing, a fight seen briefly.

An: Ajani deepens her connection to the ancestors and helps Zola seek missing ingredients to break the curse. Tracking down the ingredients leads to a new discovery for Ajani. 

Fic info | previous | next (preview & a03 link)

The next day, afternoon

Rays of sunlight stream through the trees, cascading light onto the moving water. Ajani closes her eyes once more, savoring the sacred visions she continues to see.

Thanks to the special plant Zola gave her to chew on early this morning, Ajani continues to explore the ancestral and spiritual realms.

Ajani was just a kid when the first signs of psychic gifts started to show. She mainly received information through dreams, feelings, sometimes visions. Nothing more than that.

With the aid of spellwork, Ajani tried to connect with her ancestors before. Never having names, places or origins made it hard to decipher any visuals and information she received.

During the spells, she would see two figures in the distance, Ajani always assumed they were her parents. Sometimes, she could see more people in the background but their faces were never clear. Until now.

As one vision fades, another unfolds before her eyes. This time Ajani stands in the middle of clearing; before her a small rustic cabin surrounded by woods, she can hear the sound of water in the background.

The luscious vibrant landscape soothes her senses. Ajani lowers her gaze to the ground and wiggles her toes, feeling blades of grass beneath her feet. Her eyes return to the house, two birds fly over, chirping their songs.

The sweet scent of white pine dances on the breeze, Ajani takes note of trees she can identify; Holly, Red Cedar, Chestnut, Ash. In the back of her mind, she tries to figure out where she is. Ajani kneels down to pick a wild flower and rubs the petals between her fingertips.

The sound of a door opening brings her eyes back to the cabin. Two figures emerge, a man and a woman, both holding a small child. The same man and woman she dreamed of last night.

Ajani moves closer, watching with soft eyes as her parents smile and talk among themselves. Her mother moves with grace and sits on the ground, her father is right behind her.

Ajani comes even closer, smiling as she takes in the scene before her.  Deep gratitude washes over her, Ajani savors every detail of this moment. With the help of Zola and the Ancestors, she can see this, she can finally see it.

Because Ajani’s parents lived off the grid, Zola’s been having a hard time locating any photos or locations they stayed at. But she did find the most important thing by tracking the I’ah S’a family tree, their names; Sela Kaara and Darius Kaara.

Ajani sits before them in her vision, memorizing every single detail of their faces, their voices, their mannerisms. Ajani’s eyes shift to a very young Adrian, he must have been about two years old here. Making Ajani almost a year old herself.

As tears return to her eyes again, she turns her head slightly and observes her younger self. A version of herself she would have never be able to see aside from photographs, or a vision like this. Briefly, Ajani feels a little sadness as the vision fades, she wants to stay here forever, to stay with them forever.

In the new vision, she sees flashes of her parents' lives. The moment they met, them as wolves, a scene of her mother snapping photographs with an old camera, her father sitting outside painting her.

As the effects of the plant begin to fade, the visions become less clear. Ajani thinks of her brother, and how much it would mean to him to see all of this. “Adrian, I wish you were here. I wish you were here for this.” She whispers to herself.

Ajani becomes increasingly aware of her current surroundings, floating closer to reality and further from her altered state. She closes her eyes, thinking of Adrian again.

“Let me see you.”

Behind her closed lids, a scene unfolds. A rowdy bar. Loud music. The smell of liquor, fried food, sweaty humans and Weres. Ajani enters the scene, no one is aware of her presence.

Moving through the bar, she finds a gathering of wolves in the back, taking over half the bar. As her eyes lay on Adrian, everything else fades. Focused on her brother, she reads his face, his body language, his energy.

As he converses with the Were next to him, she can see past his act. He feels stuck. He’s thinking of ways to get out. Ajani feels Adrian's emotion and thoughts. Her body feels heavy, weighted down; Adrian is holding in a lot.

“I’m sorry it's taking so long. I’m coming. I promise.” Ajani rests her hands on his shoulders. Just as she lifts her hands, Adrian wrinkles his nose, his eyes searching the bar. She can hear her name in his mind. He sensed her.

A loud sound in the background grabs her attention. Ajani follows her brother's gaze and finds a fight breaking out. Some of the wolves with Adrian jump up and join the brawl. One of them grabs Adrian, egging him on to join. Adrian declines.

“I’ll get you out of this. I promise. Listen for signs. Trust this. This is me speaking to you. It’s real.”

Ajani touches his face once more before being pulled back to her parents. In this new scene, she sees her mother working in the herb garden. In the background stands a wolf with green eyes. Its fur is a mix of black, brown, white and some reddish undertones.

Suddenly in her mind, she sees a flash of yesterday. Zola gathered all but two ingredients needed for the spell. She was still having a hard time locating the final two. Even with her witch and practitioner friends, Zola learned the mushroom was rare and the root was believed to be extinct.

In the vision, Ajani approaches her mother as she sings and gardens. Ajani kneels beside her and takes a moment to observe before asking,

“Mom, I need your help. We found the cure for the curse. But we don’t have all the ingredients. I trust all this, I know they are out there. I just don’t know where to look.”  Ajani takes a breath. “Violet Armillaria mellea, and Luna root.”

As the words leave Ajani’s lips, her mother turns to face her. Clear brown eyes land on her own.

“You can see me?” Ajani inches closer to her mother, her voice shaking with emotion, “mom?”

Before Ajani can touch her, the vision is gone. Another quickly flashes before her eyes, a road, road signs, a small house with a larger house in the background. A large wisteria tree. A sign etched in wood that said ‘IAH’.

Ajani gasps and jumps to her feet. She rushes back to the house, running past Zola and Izara as the old friends talk and finds some paper. Leaning over the desk, Ajani scribbles down what she saw, even sketching the house and the sign.

Straightening up, she looks over the two sheets of paper. She can hear Zola and Izara asking questions behind her.

“This is what I saw. This is where we’ll find the ingredients.”

Zola stands to her left, “this is the I-10 W…I- 49…sweetie, this place here, in Louisiana.”

Izara returns with her phone, “ nothing comes up for the name…could be a local shop, something that's been in the family for generations. The word Iah, it's the moon remember.”

“Alright ladies, we’re taking a road trip. Let’s hope they are open.” Zola  heads for the living room then stops, “Ajani, do a locator spell. I’m pretty sure we’re heading to Shreveport.”

…

The drive North to Shreveport, Louisiana, from Zola's home in New Orleans, takes almost 5 hours. The sun set by the time they reached the tree lined land outside of town.  

This place is just as Ajani saw. A faded white house with gardens on either side, a wooden sign over the door. Farther back, a two story home with a Wisteria tree to the left. This place feels familiar. A sweet mix of scents lingers in the air; verbena, jasmine, wisteria. As the wind blows, Ajani can hear whispers of the ancestors on the wind.

The front door of the small shop opens, a small framed older woman steps out with flowing silver hair and wise dark brown eyes. “We closed shop for the day, you folks-” the woman trails off as her eyes meet Ajani’s.

Ajani steps forward and shows the drawings. “I’m sorry to bother you, we just drove 5 hours and - this may sound crazy but I need to unlock a curse. I was guided here, by my parents.”

The woman steps closer, observing Ajani. “I’ve seen you before, your face…you look so familiar… What is your name?”

“Ajani, Ajani Bennett,” she takes a breath, only realizing now she’s been holding it, “Kaara. Ajani Kaara.” She feels an immense energy move through her.

The silver haired woman covers her mouth in surprise. “Heavens, you lived? You lived.”

The woman throws herself around Ajaini and hugs her tight. “I didn’t think you made it, I looked all over. I looked for years, and didn't pick up a scent or clue on you or your brother. Even with magic.”

Overwhelmed, it takes Ajani a moment to catch up, “Wait, you…you know how I am?”

Zola and Izara observe, staying in the background.

“I’m your great aunt sugar, Dessi Kaara.”

The two share an emotional hug before she invites them inside. Introductions are made, emotions and gratitude are high.

Dessi makes a pot of tea as they sit in the waiting room, it’s a warm room full of plants, crystals, and soft couches. Ajani and Dessi sit together on one couch, Zola and Izara on the other. Ajani fills Dessi in and tells her about Adrian.

“Are you I’ah -Sa?” Ajani asks after a while. Dessi takes her hands in her own and smiles softly.

“Yes, same as you. And your teacher over there. When I caught the scent, I thought I imagined it. I haven’t seen or crossed paths with any since your mother. Once we do the spell tonight, you’ll be one of three I’ah Sa’s in the world.” Dessi squeezed her hand. “I can’t believe it, one was just hours away and you, you’ve been alive this whole time, you and Adrian. Come.”

Dessi stands, guiding the women out of the shop, and toward the gazebo.

“You’re looking for Violet Armillaria mellea, and Luna root. I know this spell. I was hoping to help your mother break the curse. I was too late and didn't get there in time. I was looking for these ingredients, they were such a pain to find.”

They reach the gazebo and Dessi opens the door for them. “I don’t know why, but, once I had them, I studied them. Grew them. In case I needed it again. I hoped, in my heart, that you and Adrian were out there somewhere. I couldn’t help your mother, “she turns to Ajani, “but finally, I can help you.” Ajani embraces Dessi, her heart feels full.  

The door opened again, revealing a man about her age with green eyes. “The shop was open…” he trails off.

Dessi goes to him, “this is my son, Jaycen.” She grabs his shoulder. “I left it open, it’s okay. I’ll be in soon.” Jaycen smiles and leaves the women to continue their conversation.

“Over here.” Dessi guides them to the very back. “Here they are,” she glances at all their faces, “the ritual is best done when the full moon peeks. That’s tonight. We need to do it here. Otherwise, you’ll have to wait until the next full moon.”

They didn’t see anything about moon phases in the spell. Dessi’s studies are already proving useful. “We’ll do it here,” Ajani confirms, “if you’ll have me.”

Dessi replies. “You are a family baby, of course. Welcome home.”

With the assistance of Zola, Izara and Jaycen, Dessi preps for the ritual. Dessi’s son carries the wolf gene, just like Adrian but isn’t a witch. Ajani’s only task was to sit, relax, and finish the special tea Dessi brewed for her.

While waiting, Ajani texts with Will a little. He fills her in about the pack's recent findings. Though they’ve barely spent anytime together, she misses him, and looks forward to seeing him again.

…

The moon hangs low in the sky, full and luminous. The night is clear, the stars visible. As nervous jitters take over, Ajani focuses her gaze on the trees. It’s quiet out here, peaceful, isolated.

Looking to her left, she gazes at the Wisteria tree, its sweet powdery scent delights her senses. The purple and lavender petals sway gently in the wind along with the scents of sandalwood and rose from the incense burners.

The moon has always captured Ajani’s attention, tonight even more so. As her eyes fix on the moon, its silvery light washes over her, increasing her heart rate and heightening her senses.

It’s been 5 days since she walked into the bar by the train tracks. 5 days since her old life died and she stands on the threshold of a new one.

“It’s almost time.” Dessi spoke softly from outside the circle.

“On a scale of 1 to 10,” Ajani asks nervously, “how much is this going to hurt?”

Dessi replies, “I’ah Sa’s experience less pain. Once you do it enough, the transition becomes easy, painless. But, tonight is your first time, it won’t be pleasant. Think of something peaceful, best you can.” Dessi looks back at Zola, seeing if she wanted to add anything.

“Couldn’t have said it better myself. Create a place, go there when you turn. Or imagine something that brings you peace. It helps.”

Ajani nods, her eyes float to Izara who smiles at her. “You got this.”

Ajani takes a quick breath. “I hope so.”

Dessi and Zola take position around the circle, becoming anchors for Ajani. The two women start chanting. A breeze moves through the clearing.

Suddenly her muscles tighten, a dry coppery taste lingers on her tongue. Ajani curls over, gripping her stomach.

With clenced teeth, Ajani squeezes her eyes shut as the searing pain shoots through her body, firing off in all directions. A thick layer of sweat coats her skin.

Ajani kneels on the ground. Her repressed cries push past her lips, finally escaping in a pained scream as tears roll down her cheeks.

Freezing in place, on her hands and knees, her eyes shoot up to the moon. Everything inside of her is expanding, growing too big for her frame to hold, her bones, her muscles, her limbs.

Ajani raises to her feet with some effort, tearing her dress away from her body. The cool night air provides no relief. Her body is on fire.

Raising her right hand in front of her face, Ajani’s eyes grow wide. Her fingers elongate before her eyes, she can feel her spine curving and tiny hair particles sprouting from her skin.

“Don’t fight it. It’s easier if you don’t.” Izara calls out.

The pained screams calm briefly, leading to shuddered breathing and excessive shaking. Another jolt of pain brings Ajani to the ground, as she contorts, her body continues to stretch and grow. She digs her claws deep into the ground, pulling up grass and soil.

As her body continues to change, and the chanting fades in the background, Ajani shuts her eyes, the pain is unbearable. Everything goes black for a moment, she almost faints. Upon opening her eyes again,  two figures appear in the distance, in front of the Wisteria tree.

Blinking through tears, Ajani watches as her parents observe her with loving eyes. Ajani fights through the pain and keeps her eyes focused on her parents. The longer she watches them, the more the pain lessens. Ajani closes her eyes, submitting to the calm.

When Ajani opens them again, she’s standing. Her humanoid wolf form is fully complete. Catching her breath, Ajani glanced down at herself, taking in her new form. A deep sense of satisfaction stirs inside of her.

“Almost there sweetheart, “Dessi nods, watching her with pride, “your final form. You know how to do it, trust yourself.”

Ajani closes her eyes, imagining a ray of purple light, the same light that always guides her to her center, to her truth, to her intuition. The light expands quickly, quieting the hushed doubts in the back of her mind.

Ajanii becomes engulfed in the violet light. Her body shrink quickly from her enlarged form to something much smaller. On all fours now, the breeze dances sweetly against her fur, Ajani howls at the moon.

Immense love and support radiates from the outer circle, filling Ajani’s heart. It’s always been her and Adrian against the world. Now, she feels full, nourished; the most supported she’s ever been in her life.

Moved by the experience, Zola and Dessi take a second to gather themselves and conclude the ritual. They thank the spirits, the ancestors, and the land. Once closing prayers are done, they set the final offerings.

Dessi enters the circle and caresses Ajani’s ears. Ajani’s wolf eyes are the same color as Sela’s wolf eyes. Dessi wipes her tears. She sees Sela in Ajani.  “It’s done Ajani. Go, run, be with the moon.”

Without a thought, her wolf body leading the way, Ajani takes off running toward the woods.

The next evening

After a heart warming morning with everyone, Ajani, Zola and Izara take the long drive back home. The few things Ajani left at Zola’s they decide to get later. The first priority is getting back, getting everyone on the same page and acting on the plan to find Adrian.

The Miller pack gathered good intel while Ajani was away, they even narrowed down the site of 2 possible Maverick camps. But getting any closer too soon could blow their cover and tip the Maverick pack off to their presence. With Ajani’s wolf side free, she could track down her brother's scent with ease and narrow in on his  location.

During the drive, Ajani dozes off. Last night was amazing, she can’t compare the feeling of running wild in the woods as a wolf to any single thing she’s ever experienced in her life. Now she understood why Adrian loved being in wolf form as much as he could, it’s a freedom the human body alone could never know.

Ajani never imagined, in a million years her hunt for Adrian could lead to all this; finally seeing her parents with her own eyes, unlocking her true full essence and being one of three I’ah Sa’s in the world. Now, only one thing is missing, Adrian.

“We’ll find him.” Izara soothes her, glancing at her briefly through the rear view mirror.

Ajani sits up. Her connection and draw to Izara was instant. Ajani is grateful for her guidance, her help, to have her here for one of the single most important moments of her life.

All three of them, with Dessi’s input, came up with the plan they think is best. It was possible the Maverick pack employed a witch to hide their movements, it would explain why Ajani's tracking spells aren't working before.

“Ajani, once we present the plan to the pack, that’s it, no going back. Are you sure about this?” Izara asked.

“Yes. I’ve always been willing to do anything to find my brother. Now I feel the most capable I’m ever going to be to do it.”

“We may not get to you the first night, depending on how far they’ve moved.” Zola adds.

“I can handle it. One night in a Maverick camp? Easy.” Ajani shrugs playfully.

Zola grins, “if anyone can handle it, it’s you. You have just become twice as powerful as you were before the ritual. Our  telepathic communication will be the only way for us to communicate without blowing your cover.”

Ajani agrees. “For sure. It helps the pack maintain the element of surprise.” She gazes out the window. “Once I’m inside, I’ll send all the intel to Zola. Set the barrier, weaken them, and remove the barrier when you guys move in. As for the magic, whenever I weaken, Dessi and Zola can help power me back up.”

“One more thing,” Ajani turns from the window and meet’s Izara’s eyes through the rear view mirror,  “whatever you do, when you get back, you cannot get marked. The Mavericks won’t take you in. Just saying.”

Ajani chuckles, feeling slightly embarrassed. She loved Izara’s bluntness, and sometimes it made her feel like a teen girl talking to her mom. Still, she knew exactly what Izara was referring to.

A million thoughts and feelings run through her body and mind, including thoughts of Will. She was ready to pounce on him before, now, the carnival desire inside of her is like a wildfire. Ajani had a lot to do, they were far from done, but she really needed to relieve herself.

Ajani’s face heats up. The new line of thoughts in her mind make her breath hitch. On her next inhale, she could smell Will’s scent; earthy, woody, clean with a hint of spice. Ajani's thoughts overpower her mind as she breathes in his phantom scent.

Izara askes her a question, it pulls her back to the present. “Yes mom?” She asks in a silly voice. Both women laugh in response.

“Zola, Dessi and myself were talking. You need to ensure you do not smell like any of us before heading to Maverick territory. We’ve strengthened the protective barrier around Adrian, he’ll be fine. Tonight will be your last night with us.”

Zola continues where Izara left off, “You need to spend sunrise to sunset tomorrow alone, as deep in the woods as you can. Far away from Miller territory and any other wolves. Emerge from the woods at sunset, and follow your brother's scent. You wont need to do much, your nose will lead you to them. Just, make yourself seen. They will approach you.”

Ajani takes a deep breath and nods, “okay.”

Izara leads next, “I have some human friends setting up a go car for you as we speak. No wolves have been near anything in the car. Water, food, clothes. Enough for three days, but you don't need that much time.”

Ajani places a hand over her heart and breathes into it. Finally, the time has come. A second wave of tiredness moves through her body. Ajani lays on the back seat again, and closes her eyes.

Next - preview and A03 link

…

Meet the Kaara Family 💕

Ajani & her wolf 💕

Tags (those who showed interest. If you want to be added, ask below) @clydesducktape @princessxkenobi @kalondarling @aria725 @hopeamarsu @gallowsjoker @rayslittlekitten @youflickedtooharddamnit

[absolutepokemontrash]

MC’s half Demon, and they look AWFULLY familiar...

‘Kay guys, I got a different kind of stupid Headcanon to throw at you. Get ready!

Part 2 Lessons 1-5 Part 2.5 Group Retreat Lessons 10-12 Lessons 13-15 Part 3 Part 4

*ahem* picture if you will, it’s the day the exchange program is set to start. The student council (nix Mr. Kill All Humans, Weeb-supreme, and our Scummy Sweetheart) have assembled to welcome the new human student. All is going according to schedule, the portal opens up at eight am sharp, they hear the pitiful screams of the selected human who was not given a heads up about the whole thing, and the poor little human falls straight onto the marble floor.

There’s something a tad... off about this human don’t you think? After they’ve peeled their sorry ass off the floor they observed the assembled student council with an air of sophistication and self importance that no one expected. Their posture was perfect, their eyes sharp and calculating... they bared a striking resemblance to-

“Lucifer,” Diavolo looked to his right hand man, then back to the human. “The human kind of looks like you!”

And out popped four pitch black wings from the human’s back and two small horns out of the sides of their head, one horn was a bit bigger than the other. They even still had some of their down feathers! How cute!

((Content warning: Swearing (I have a potty mouth, forgive me), but that’s it.))

Luci-dad

So, the MC is Lucifer’s kid! Of course Mr. Prideypants immediately tries to recall exactly what little romp in the human world uh... spawned this half-human half-demon child of his. Good thing MC’s got the other parent on speed-dial.

“Please note, MC,” Lucifer pinched the bridge of his nose upon hearing Asmo take even more pictures of his newly discovered hellspawn. “I was not aware of your existence, if I was I’d-”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m not upset.”

Lucifer blinked a few times in surprise. “P...pardon? You aren’t upset?”

“No, my parent told me that my father was a high ranking demon, and they bare no ill will against you. Though, I am looking forward to this whole... exchange program thing.”

Oh wow, that was easier than Lucifer thought. Damn. Well, he was a father... (let’s be real, he’s been parenting his brothers for thousands of years, and a good chunk of you sinners call him daddy)

MC is probably the most protected student at RAD, despite the fact that they have no visible security detail whatsoever. They didn’t want to be seen as... weak and pathetic.

Something about this human just... set the lesser demons on edge. Any talk of eating them was stamped out on the first day when they walked by. It’s like Lucifer himself was staring at them, daring the demons to try and bother the human. MC’s powerful presence kept them protected and feared.

...at least until dear uncle Asmo decided to do their hair one morning. All those ribbons may have looked adorable but they kind of ruined the intimidation factor.

MC loved to mess with the other students, keeping their lineage a secret for the first little while just made it so much funnier when the other demons tried to scramble out of MC’s way without looking like they were running from the ‘weak little human exchange student’.

Oh wow, what a sadist. Like father like child

Flying lessons are a must. Poor MC isn’t terribly good at controlling their wings, and their horns are still growing in so when they pop into their demon form the first thing they get is a sore skull. Ow... it sucks that Lucifer isn’t outwardly very sympathetic.

“Ow!” MC crashed face first into the grass in the backyard of the House of Lamentation. “Father! My wings are cramping! Can’t we practice this tomorrow?”

The sight of seeing his dear child crash face first into the ground had lost its hilarity after the first three times. Lucifer slowly lowered himself to the ground and crossed his arms as he stood over his incredibly grass-stained kid.

“MC, we’ve been ‘practicing this tomorrow’ for the past month. If you want to learn to fly you’re going to have to actually manage to stay in the air for more than three minutes.”

MC shot Lucifer a withering glare that only preteens were capable of, Lucifer matched it with his own much more sophisticated glare.

“You’ve been flying for over a thousand years! Don’t you have any tips that can actually help other than ‘don’t panic, you’ll look ridiculous’?”

Lucifer dragged a gloved hand down his face and looked around, the two were alone as far as he could see.

“MC,” Lucifer began. “When I was a young angel, I needed to learn how to fly with someone else.”

MC perked up. “Who?”

“Michael. The smug bastard picked up flying quicker than I did.”

“What’d you do?!”

Lucifer smiled at his child’s intense investment. “I practiced flying every day for five extra hours until I could do everything that Michael could do, just better.”

MC’s starry eyed interest died almost instantly upon hearing about the extra five hours of practice. “Humph, I bet I could outfly younger you and Michael with only two hours of practice a day.”

“Really now?”

“Yes! Watch!” MC shook off their wings and took off in a running start before shakily making it into the air. Their form was decent enough, and they weren’t shaking as much as the previous attempts. “SEE?!”

“Yes MC,” Lucifer smiled. “I can see.”

You know what else Lucifer could see? MC crashing right into a tree.

“Ouch...”

Okay... maybe they could halt practice a little early and order a treat from Madame Scream’s. A little sugar to refuel is needed when the end goal is crushing a mutual rival beneath their heels. Just some good old fashioned father/child bonding time!

MC has a smaller seat right next to Lucifer’s seat in the Assembly Hall. I will not compromise on this one.

For all your fluff needs, I give you: Lucifer teaching MC how to play the piano. He has a proud little smile on his face when his kid finally starts getting it. That’s all. Enjoy the image.

That one Uncle who gives you Alcohol at Family Gatherings (Mammon)

Yeah, when Mammon burst in late to the party and whining about everyone’s spamming him with texts to haul his scummy ass to the Assembly Hall, the last thing he expected was to see a mini-Lucifer.

“What the fuck am I lookin’ at?!”

The glare the two Lucifers gave the poor Avatar of Greed was enough to make him want to turn tail (uh, wing) and book it down the hall.

“Mammon, this is MC. They’re my child.”

“Hello.”

“...whaaaa..?” Mammon looked between the two, same glare, same intimidating aura, same annoyingly good posture.

Mammon scratched the back of his neck and looked over at his older brother. “Do I uh... still gotta babysit em’ if they’re not human?”

“The lake of Cocytus will melt the day I let you babysit without supervision.” Lucifer grumbled.

“I don’t need a babysitter!”

Despite Lucifer’s initial denial, Mammon and MC ended up spending a lot of time hanging out when Lucifer was busy with paperwork. Of course Mammon’s first thought was ‘how do I profit off this situation?’

MC is now Mammon’s designated babysitter after they caught him picking up their feathers that had fallen off with the intention of painting them white and claiming they were Lucifer’s from back in the Celestial Realm.

Mammon does end up spoiling MC a little. Just a smidge. They’re the kid of his totally not his favourite brother after all! How could he not? Whether or not these gifts are obtained legally or are legal at all is subject to scrutiny.

“Mammon, I can’t drink this!” MC placed the bottle of Demonus back on the counter of the kitchen.

“Why not? That’s a bottle of the good stuff! We gotta celebrate you gettin’ an A on that test somehow!”

“I’m underage! Incredibly underage. I’m not legally allowed to drink.”

Mammon wordlessly plopped a silly straw into the bottle. “...does that help?”

“No.” MC then inclined their head to the bottle. “And I don’t want to get hung from the ceiling, that bottle was in my father’s study yesterday, I’m above theft.”

“How old are you s’posed to be anyway? Never mind... uh...” Mammon wracked his brain for something else he could do for MC that didn’t cost anything (don’t judge him, the poor bastard was flat broke!). “I could... teach you to drive!”

“Driving?”

“Yeah! Drivin’ is awesome! We can take my car!”

The bills for the damages done to the car and the Devildom were mailed to Lucifer the next day, and MC and Mammon got to keep each other company as they hung from the ceiling. Ah well! At least MC wasn’t upside down!

Mammon wasn’t that good of a flight teacher either, he also crashed into a tree (the same tree MC crashed into, actually) when he was cheering for MC. They were finally able to do a loopdy loop! He was proud and distracted! Okay?! Lucifer! Stop smirkin’ at him! It’s not that funny!

At least the vantage point from the tree was decent and the branches didn’t scratch him up too badly. Oh hey... that person walking by was wearing a very nice watch... he’d be right back-

That Uncle That is Always Absent From Family Gatherings and When He is Present He Leaves Early (Levi)

He missed everything. That is not an exaggeration. He was in the middle of an online raid battle and couldn’t look at his phone! No Lucifer he can’t pause an online game! That’s not how it works!

Okay, the human exchange student is half demon? WOAH! THAT’S JUST LIKE THAT ONE ANIME- W A I T. THE LITTLE NORMIE IS LUCIFER’S KID?!

Okie doke, he was fully convinced that MC just had to be an anime protagonist.

They binged every series that Levi compared them to. Sure MC might have missed a few assignments because of late night anime binges, but they were too good for this school crap anyway, right?

Nope. Lucifer put a ban on the two watching anime until both their grades improved. Surviving that hell brought the two together.

“Ugh!”

The sound of a pencil case being haphazardly thrown across the room made Levi peek out of his bed-tub. If his figurines got knocked over so HELP HIM-

“This is stupid!!I shouldn’t have to catch up with this!” MC crossed their arms and gave their Demonology textbook their best disapproving glare.

Lucifer Lite (tm) was having a hell of a time trying to claw through their missed work, and Levi sympathized, he really did, it’s just... he was playing Animal Crossing-

Levi paused the game to placate his anime-buddy when their wings popped out and he feared for his rare merch’s safety.

“H-hey, MC? Do you need help?” Levi’s offer was met with a bone chilling glare that lived rent free in his nightmares ever since. He had pulled a Mammon and forgotten he was talking to Lucifer’s child. Lucifer’s allergy to help must have passed down to MC.

“No! I don’t! It’s just... dumb!” MC hissed, she turned and looked over at the fish tank. “Right Henry 2.0?”

Henry 2.0 did not respond.

“MC, you need to finish your homework or we can’t watch anything together,” Levi sighed, he had finished his work over an hour earlier. He had mastered the art of all night anime binges and managing to do most of his work in the fifteen minutes between the time he woke up and the time school was supposed to begin. “We haven’t even binged all of volume 4 of TSL yet!”

“Mmm...” MC grumbled. “Fine...”

MC picked up their pencil case and began continued their work. Levi breathed a sigh of relief and went back to Animal Crossing.

The tiny normie did in fact finish their work, only after they caved and asked Levi for help. Swore him to secrecy, they did... very intimidating, they were.

Just saying, he most definitely sent that one Keanu Reeves meme with big Keanu and little Keanu but with Lucifer and MC to the wrong group chat. Poor bastard.

Flying lessons? No. Levi hadn’t flown since his time in the Celestial Realm, he had no advice to give other than: “Flap your wings!”

“THAT’S WHAT I’M DOING YOU-”

MC didn’t get to finish that thought, they lost their balance and fell right into RAD’s fountain. Ah well, Levi had a head start on running for his life that he squandered by laughing at MC. RIP.

The Uncle/brother/whatever the fuck that Starts a Fight With Your Dad at the Family Reunion. (Satan)

Oh... another Lucifer? Eugh. Gross.

Satan gave the kid a wide berth when they first met. Everything the kid said or did ticked him off. “Tsk. Look at MC. Making an omelette. So annoying.” “Oh wow, MC vacuumed? Roll out the red carpet, we need to celebrate their existence!” “Look at them. Breathing. Disgusting.”

MC’s pride wouldn’t ever let them admit it but... they knew Satan didn’t like them, and it hurt their feelings.

“Shhhh,” Satan whispered into his backpack.

“Meow.” The backpack replied.

“I said shhhhh.”

The backpack did not reply after that, which was a good thing considering the little princet of the HOL was nearby.

“Satan?” They asked. “Who are you talking to?”

Satan coldly brushed past them as he made his way to his room. “No one you need to concern yourself with.”

When the little calico kitten was safe in his room, Satan quickly realized a mistake in his foolproof ‘sneak a cat into the house’ plan. He didn’t have any toys for the kitten, and he didn’t want his books getting scratched...

It was alright, he’d just rush out to the a store that sold cat things and rush back! Five minute trip tops!

Well when Satan got back the cat was no longer in the room. Oh dear. He discreetly tore apart the house looking for the poor little thing until he ended up finding it in the library, happily chasing around a loose feather being held up by MC.

“Oh, hello Satan.” MC chirped as the kitten batted it’s adorable little paws at the feather.

“My... my door was closed. Did you let the cat out?”

MC shrugged. “I heard meowing.”

Satan ran a hand through his hair and grumbled. Stupid smaller Lucifer. Stupid original Lucifer. Everyone sucked.

“Let me guess, you’re going to run to Lucifer and tell him all about the meowing and the rule breaking.”

MC shook their head and glared at Satan. “Of course not. I’ve already gotten way too attached to this little guy anyway. We’re co-parenting this kitten like mature adults.”

With some coaxing, Satan did sit down and play with the kitten, maybe MC wasn’t... so terrible.

The two watch Unsolved Mysteries together, that’s their show. “This guy did it.” “Satan, we’re two minutes into the episode-” “Trust me.”

Thirty minutes later.

“He did it.” “See MC, what’d I tell you?”

Lucifer did find out about the cat, but with enough pleading, MC and Satan managed to warm up the cold spot in Lucifer’s chest where his heart should have been. The cat’s name is Detective Toe Beans (or just Bean).

Satan can’t fly, he has a tail, but he did read up on wing anatomy and how flight actually works in demons, his advice would be good in theory, but it’s full of so much technical jargon that MC can’t understand it.

At least MC didn’t crash into something, they barrel rolled through one of the HOL’s windows. Good thing it was the window to their room. The broken arm still hurt like hell.

The Best Dressed Bitch Who Brings The Booze to The Reunion. (Asmo)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Lucifer’s kid was SO CUTE! A thousand pictures commemorating that adorable moment needed to be taken! Wait- Lucifer- GIVE BACK THE PHONE-

Asmo, surprise surprise, absolutely adores little MC! So cute! So small! He was just so excited to announce to all his Devilgram followers that Lucifer was finally a certified DILF.

That post disappeared five minutes after it was made but the damage had already been done.

Asmo made sure MC looked their best at all times, if they needed help talking to anyone? Asmo’s got their back!

Sure, maybe he’s a little pushy, but pushy’s a good thing sometimes, right?

“Asmodeus-”

“No, these shoes wouldn’t fit you...”

“Asmo-”

“No, not these ones either...”

“ASMODEUS.”

Asmo squeaked and jumped upwards, Geez Louise... little MC’s voice could sure be scary when they wanted it to be...

“I don’t need any fancy new shoes.” MC huffed, sitting up straighter in one of the chairs in Asmo’s room. “I thought this was supposed to be a sleepover.”

“Hmmm...” Asmo pouted. “Makeovers are an essential part of sleepovers... what’d you do with your human friends up in the human world that could possibly be better than a make-over?!”

MC began to list things off. “Ordered junk food, talked about people we hated, watched movies,”

“Greasy food is so bad for your skin...” Asmo cringed and shook his head violently. “But I’m totally down to watch a movie and bitch about people I hate!”

“Ah yes, human sleepovers, a tradition I never quite had the chance to enjoy.” Solomon said from Asmo’s bed. “Who are we bitching about?”

“Remind me what Solomon is doing here.” MC muttered as they sat down in front of Asmo’s TV.

“Because, I wanted to hang out with my two favourite humans.” Asmo cooed, reaching over and trying to pinch MC’s cheek, which they awkwardly dodged.

“Can we watch The Exorcist?” Solomon asked, propping his head up with his hands.

“Ew, no.” Asmo made a face at him. “That scene with the vomit? Hell NO.”

“Mm.” MC mumbled. Asmo turned to look at them.

“MC? Are you doing okay? You don’t look like you’re having any fun...”

“I’m fine.” MC grumbled.

Asmo pursed his lips, as much as it made his little narcissistic heart break, he nudged MC. “Why don’t you pick the movie, sweetie. I’m sure Solomon and I will like anything you pick!”

MC noticeably brightened. “Let’s watch Scream!”

The strangled noise that came from Asmo was... concerning, but to his credit, The Avatar of Lust held his tongue about his distaste for the movie, and the three slumber-party goers had quite the lovely time.

After the movie ended, MC went back to their room, sure it was a sleepover but their bed was right down the hall.

Good for Asmo and Solomon. Horny fuckers. We stan.

Asmo just claps and tries to cheer MC on when it comes to their flying lessons. (The idea that Asmo came up with to wear his cheerleader costume from the previous Halloween was immediately shot down by Lucifer)

“You’re doing wonderful, MC- WATCH OUT FOR THE POWER LINE!”

MC didn’t hit the power line, but Asmo’s scream of terror caused them to fall butt-first into a dumpster. Their injured tailbone served as a tragic memory of the incident.

Oh well, good thing Asmo had nice smelling soap to give that could mask dumpster-stink.

The Uncle that eats everything and tells you to eat your veggies while you angrily pick at your broccoli at the kid’s table. (Beel)

Lucifer... has a kid?! Beel choked on the cheetos he had snuck into the Assembly Hall when the kid’s wings popped out.

Oh wow, that’s nice :) maybe they can eat together. Belphie would probably like them.

Wait what is the gender neutral term for Niece or Nephew?

...Nibling? Uh... let’s not say that around Beel. We don’t need him to get hungrier and begin associating MC with nibbling on things.

The Underground Tomb incident probably went a little differently, but after all that nonsense, the two are closer than two peas in a pod!

Mmm... peas...

“Beel?” MC stepped into the Avatar of Gluttony’s room.

“Hi MC.” Beel was doing push-ups in the middle of the room, on the ground right beneath his head was a massive bowl of spaghetti that he bit into every time he completed a push-up. “Can you come stand on my back? I need the extra weight.”

“On your back?” MC padded closer. “Are you sure? It’s not going to hurt?”

“No, it’ll be okay.” Beel assured them. “Belphie and I did this all the time. Except Belphie is normally asleep.”

MC tentatively stepped onto Beel’s back. It was a balancing act to say the least, they eventually gave up on standing and ended up sitting cross legged between Beel’s shoulder blades.

“You did this with Belphegor?” MC asked.

“Yeah,” Beel sighed. “He was always too tired to exercise, but he’d let me bench press him sometimes...”

MC frowned and hugged their knees to their chest. Knowing full well that Beel’s twin wasn’t in the human world like Lucifer said was absolutely ripping them apart from the inside. Guilt felt just as rotten as their pride did when they were being belittled...

“Maybe you’ll see him again sometime soon.” MC whispered. “Maybe my father’ll come to his senses and let him come back down to the Devildom.”

Beel paused his push-ups for a brief moment, then nodded and went back to his eating exercising combo. “I hope so. He’ll like you, MC. I’m sure of it.”

MC nodded. “I... hope so.”

Beel’s a pretty decent flight teacher, but his wings are just so different from MC’s that it renders any tips he had next to useless.

“MC, maybe your wings aren’t flapping fast enough.”

“Beel, I appreciate the thought, but I’m not a hummingbird. Or a fly. I don’t need to flap my wings a million times a minute to stay afloat.”

Ah well, MC tried to take some of Beel’s advice, but their lower right wing cramped up and they ended up flying in circles until Beel was able to catch them. Ah well, better than the dumpster incident the previous week.

The Uncle That Passes Out in The Basement and You’re Not Allowed to Wake Him Up Even Though All Your Toys and Video Games Are Down There. He Also Picks a Fight With Your Dad’s New S/O Before He Passes Out. (Belphie)

Sitting in the attic was quite a drag, and this supposedly weak little human was quite the annoyance to try and call out to. It took a lot longer than expected, but when he heard little footsteps coming towards his prison, Belphegor nearly jumped with joy.

Oh... it... looked like Lucifer. Smelled like Lucifer. Stood like Lucifer. Quacked like Lucifer. Or... trilled..? Whatever sound a peacock made, this brat sounded an awful lot like Lucifer.

A... half-demon. Hmph. Belphie honestly thought Lucifer had actual standards. Not anymore, he guessed.

(Man I could fill a whole-ass fic with the Belphie betrayal thing, but for now let’s skip to post attic nonsense)

Okay so maybe MC wasn’t disgusting. They made a good nap buddy. It was cute when their wings came out when they were sleeping sometimes. Well... it was cute when they didn’t hit him in the face and make him wake up with his mouth full of feathers.

What Beel said had been true, Belphie made a good substitute when weights weren’t available, but Beel didn’t want MC to feel left out, so Belphie and MC ended up sitting on his back while he did push ups. MC once got bored and started playing Go Fish with Belphie on Beel’s back while he exercised.

Yes. MC is still a member of the Formerly-Anti-Lucifer League.

“Are you sure he’s not going to be too mad at us?” MC asked for the dozenth time that day. Detective Toe Beans was wrapped around their neck like a scarf (he had gotten so big!!!) while MC nervously sat in one of the Library chairs.

“Positive.” Belphie said with a toothy grin. “Besides, he’s like putty when it comes to you. Just give him your best puppy eyes and we’re not guilty on all charges.”

Putty..? Really..? Lucifer..? How strict was he before MC got there... they wondered.

“Sh! He’s coming!” Satan stuck his nose into a random book, it was the Oxford English Dictionary... and it was upside down.

Belphie pretended to pass out and MC decided that the best course of action was to stare deeply into their cat’s eyes. Yeah... that looked casual and not weird.

“Satan, MC, Belphie.” Lucifer nodded to the three of them as he walked towards the entrance to his study.

“Lucifer.”

“Afternoon, father.”

Belphie let out a cartoonishly loud fake snore that nearly caused both MC and Satan to break cover and start laughing.

Side note, Bean had adorable widdle eyes! That cute little face was just to die for-

“You three..!”

Belphie, Satan, and MC peeked their heads into Lucifer’s study, their handiwork was perfect. Everything was covered in red post it notes. Perfectly not harmful, but SO inconvenient!

“You’re all cleaning this up or so help me-”

“GO!” Belphie and Satan each grabbed one of MC’s arms (Satan also grabbed Bean) and sprinted out of the House of Lamentation. Maybe they’d move back there in twenty years... they hoped that Solomon and The Angels would let them crash at Purgatory Hall...

Belphie had used up his physical energy supply for the next four years. He passed out the moment they stepped into sanctuary. Time for a nap...

Flight practice? Ha. Belphie’s napping. Though, he was suspiciously awake and filming whenever MC did something stupid.

“Try not to suck so bad.”

“GO TO HELL BELPHIE!”

“I’m already there. Hell is every second I’m stuck here watching you fail.”

“YOU’RE GOING TO GET IT FOR THAT!”

Well... MC mastered the dive bomb that day. Lucifer bought them a cake.

Bonus! Your Dad’s New Husband! That Has Managed to Somehow Make Everyone Hate Him Despite the Fact That He’s A Cinnamon Roll. (Diavolo)

A mini Lucifer? A mini Lucifer!

Diavolo dotes on MC like he’d dote on his own kid. MC wants a crown? They’re getting a crown! A damn nice one too! MC wants a title? Here! MC is now... idk Ruler of the area between Majolish and Hell’s Kitchen.

Poor Uncle Mammon’s got some financial insecurity, he’s still the cool uncle... right?!

He is very much that ‘how do you do fellow kids?’ Meme.

He tries to do stereotypical ‘dad’ things but he’s not very good at them. Once he tried to host a barbecue...

Barbatos saved the day, but Mammon’s hair was still singed, Solomon’s cooking still gave Beel food poisoning (SOLOMON EATS TOXIC WASTE I SWEAR-), Luke still got hit in the face with a frisbee, and Simeon got an unhealthy dose of DAD NERVES and got so stressed everyone was almost blinded by the holy light he suddenly started blasting. We do not mention the water guns.

(Seriously whose bright idea was it to give Belphie and Satan water guns while they were in Lucifer’s presence?)

Praise Barbie. He’s too good for them.

“Um...” MC awkwardly held up the baseball, trying to look at it from all angles like it was a completely alien object. “Lord Diavolo... are you sure you want to play catch?”

Diavolo clapped his hands and bounced on the balls of his feet. “Yes! It’s a thing human fathers do with their children, correct? We must make up for lost time between you and Lucifer, right?”

Lucifer massaged his temples and nodded. “If you two would like to play catch...” Lucifer grimaced. “I will too.”

“Okay! MC, throw the ball to Lucifer!” Diavolo instructed.

Lucifer half heartedly held up his baseball glove as MC tossed him the ball. He caught it, and looked over at Diavolo, who was applauding like he just witnessed the greatest feat in sports history.

“Okay! Throw it to me!” Diavolo waved his glove in the air, Lucifer rolled his eyes and smiled. He threw the ball at Diavolo with... a lot of force. Enough force to probably dent steel... Diavolo caught it like it was nothing.

MC suddenly feared for their safety.

“Okay MC, catch!”

Diavolo threw the ball with enough force to break the god damn sound barrier. Well, maybe that was an exaggeration, but the ball sailed way over MC’s head and crashed right through a window.

“Oh my...” Diavolo put a hand on his hip and surveyed the damage to the window. “This isn’t so bad, I believe in human world TV shows this happens quite often. Look! The glass broke in a perfect circle!”

“Yay... property damage...” MC murmured.

Lucifer sighed and pulled out his DDD. “I’ll phone someone to replace the win-”

“Lucifer no! Now according to human world customs we must,” Diavolo took a deep breath, rushed forward, grabbed both Lucifer and MC’s hands and started sprinting away from the Demon Lord’s Castle. “RUN FOR IT!”

“Di- Diavolo!” Lucifer gasped.

“Who are we running from?! That’s your castle!” MC squeaked.

“I don’t know! Just run! That’s what the human TV show says to do!”

Weirdly enough, Diavolo was the best flight instructor. MC’s ability to fly increased tenfold after Diavolo found out that MC was learning to fly.

“You’re doing amazing MC! That was a perfect turn!”

“Thanks Lord Diavolo, I’m surprised I haven’t crashed into anyone or fallen yet!”

“Well, I highly doubt you’ll be crashing into anyone anymore, your flying is practically perfect now!”

Mammon proceeded to fly past them holding what looked like Lucifer’s wallet.

“M-mammon?!”

“Oh... I wonder what he’s doing. Look, MC! It’s Lucifer! Hello Lucifer dea-”

Lucifer ended up colliding with the two of them and sending them all crashing to the floor.

That was the last time MC fell during flying practice.

(We currently have a Go Fund Me set up for Mammon to get the funds necessary to flee the Devildom after that incident. Please donate to save- oh shit hi Lucifer-)

[finelinevogue]

hey! first of all i’m obsessed with all of your writing i swear i cry every single time😭🤍 i look forward to reading your stuff when i get home from work, and it helps me when i’m stressed. so basically hi i love you. i recently celebrated 1 year sober and i was wondering if you could write something abou harry dedicating a song to his gf for maintaining her sobriety? (only if you’re comfortable ofc!)

hi, i love you too! sorry for making you cry😭 your words are so kind and you’ve made my day so much brighter! congratulations on your one year sobriety!!! i hope you’re very proud of yourself, because i’m really proud of you - always <33 i’m not sure what you are sober for and i don’t to be invasive and ask, so i decided to base this one off an alcohol addiction. this one’s for you, my lovely; (oh and p.s. let’s pretend harry wrote ‘home’ just for you and one direction never wrote it!)

Today you celebrated being one year sober.

Four years ago you developed an alcohol addiction. It was the worst time of your life; going to parties just to wake up still paralytic, drinking an alcoholic drink with every meal and a couple in between, falling asleep drunk every night and not learning your lesson from the hangover the next morning. You were self destructing and were too gone to see it happen. The people around you could see it happening though. Your family and friends abandoned you because you they believed you were a lost cause. You were alone for 3 lonely years, until last year you met Harry.

The one time that you were actually sober, shopping in your local Aldi, was the first time you met him.

He was dressed from a run and was in the fridge section to grab himself a protein shake before he was about to run home - that you’d come to learn. He made minimal conversation with you, but it was enough for him to fall for you - hard. Every time you met up with him you tried to be as sober as you could, but it caught up to you. You slipped and shut yourself out from him, not wanting him to leave you like everyone else had so you left him first.

As it would be, he never left you. He saved you.

He was there for you in your darkest moments. He was there to help lock your demons away and introduce life back into your heart and soul. You wanted to be better for him, he deserved that much. Half a year after meeting him, he managed to encourage you to attend counselling sessions which you would be worse without. He made calls to friends to help you re-connect with people, truly friendly people. He hugged you on the days you felt anxious or tempted and let you cry on his shoulder when you felt like a failure, all the whilst he would kiss your forehead and squeeze you to remind you just how much you were loved and just how proud he was of you. It took you a while to believe it, but;

Harry Styles loves and is proud of you.

You were so happy to spending the day with him, getting to watch him do what he loves so much. He was in Denver, Colorado, tonight and his set was going perfect so far. He’d given his infamous “ass or face” speech, which made the fans go wild. He, unfortunately, had to use the oxygen mask to replenish his lungs because he wasn’t feeling great. He’d even shouted to you when you were blowing him kisses saying, “I wanna kiss you but I can’t” which made you tear up ever so slightly. Today was such a proud and happy day for you, so extra moments like this for you were the cherries on the top of the cake.

“Okay, so we have 15 more minutes of love tonight for you.” Harry spoke into his microphone, after singing Treat People With Kindness and looking so very sweaty. “15 minutes of extra love compared to the previous show.” The fans screamed at this and you knew the fans in Vegas would no doubt be extra jealous.

“He’s allowed to do that?” You asked Jeff beside you, wondering why he was changing the timings all of a sudden. He hadn’t told you about this.

“He specifically requested it before going onstage.” Jeff answered, winking at you and nodding his head back to the stage for you to focus.

“Now. Today is not only special because I get to play in front of you lovely people,” the crowd let out a deafening scream, “but because it is an important day for my Y/N.” He smiled, looking over in your direction. The crowd screamed even louder for you.

“What is he doing?” You asked Jeff but he only smiled and shrugged his shoulders. Liar, you thought.

You’d never publicly told anyone about your addiction because it was something that you were embarrassed about. You hated who you were and you tried your hardest not to think about that person anymore. Harry was the only person who knew and you liked to keep it that way, for the time being. Not even your new friends knew.

“I’m so proud of Y/N, always, but especially today.” Harry spoke, walking down the stage to the end of the runway where his mic was set up and still keeping eye contact with you. Your tears were full in your eyes and some even streaming down your face as you took in his words.

He’d spent all morning loving on you. He didn’t let you two leave the hotel room until 5 minutes before the buses were leaving, because he wanted to spend as much time as possible showing you just how much he loved you. Turns out 4 rounds of sex, 2 blowjobs and 3 times getting eaten out doesn’t even come close to showing that, according to him, but it did make you feel worthy and that’s all you’ve wanted to feel for the past few years. He made you feel worth it - it being loved and supported and safe. He was your blanket of comfort and you’d let him swallow you up every day for the rest of your life if it meant feeling this way forever.

Harry had even bought you a card and a cake, one that had a singular candle in to mark your one year anniversary of being sober. The sense of pride getting to blow out that candle was a feeling second to none, except from maybe the 7 orgasms you were given.

“So if you don’t mind, i’m going to sing this song for my girlfriend. It’s new, but i’m sure you’ll pick up the chorus. This is called ‘Home’ and it’s just for you, m’love.” God damn these tears, you could barely see Harry pick up his galaxy painted guitar and tilt his body so he was facing you.

The song had you in tears.

Fans were both recording you and Harry, but you were too unaware to notice them when all you could focus on were the words he was singing to you. Every line was so clear and it made your heart burst through your chest that little bit more each time. You cupped your hands under your vin as you cried over every new line of song, watching him strum on the guitar and sing his heart out as if every ounce of him was just for you. His words, his voice, his heart and soul were completely yours. The fans did quickly pick up the chorus and the atmosphere was completely still, yet electric with them feeding off Harrys energy and gifting it to you.

“You’ll never feel like you’re alone, i’ll make this feel like home.”

His last line was sung and his last chord was struck and you couldn’t move an inch. You were stuck watching him with intense loved eyes, feeling an overwhelming sense of support and comfort just from this moment alone. You thought what he’d given you this morning in the hotel was love, but now you questioned that. This felt like a reminder you were free and safe and found. You felt significant. And for a moment, that all felt a like bit stronger than love.

You didn’t even realise your boyfriend was standing in front of you until he was. He caressed your cheek in one hand, holding the neck of his guitar with his other. The fans were being caged behind a barricade, but they weren’t even violently pushing because they wanted to see how he treated you and acted around you behind closed doors. Your relationship was very private, so this was very new for you too. You liked him close though. So much so that everyone else sort of slipped away.

“That bad?” He asked teasingly, referring to the amount of tears you were crying.

“Was a bit rusty in some places.” You teased back, you and him both knowing you didn’t mean a word that you’d just said. You both laughed until you caught Harrys hand on your cheek and moved it so you could plant a soft kiss to his palm. “Thank you for making me feel home.” You smiled, new tears forming in both yours and his now.

“Thank you for being my home.” He replied, smiling through the light tears.

“Stop crying,” you laughed through your own tears, reaching out your other hand to wipe his away, “not very rockstar of you.”

“Can’t help myself when i’m so proud of you.” He answered, moving his hand off his guitar so he could help wipe your tears away. Both of you were helping each other recover, forgetting about the world just for a minute to have a moment with each other. You both deserved that much.

[postwarlevi]

19 21 and 33 from werid asks 😍

Megan <3 I really did go to sleep last night hehe Morning!!

19 imagine we’re at a sleepover, would you paint my nails?

Yes ma'am I would! I don't do it often or, ever, on myself or anyone else. But we're gonna try our best and it's going to look great! Or decent at least LOL

And we're going to stay up and sing along obnoxiously with Disney movies and eat all the snacks!

21 something you’ve kept since childhood?

I mention my two very important stuffed animals here

The other things I think of right away are video cassette tapes. My mom used to use the VCR to record movies off the tv for me so I could rewatch them. There's lots of Disney channel or ABC family movies, things like The Care Bear movie. OH! Or Halloween Specials. There's two tapes full of them, like The Worst Witch or The Pumpkin Who Couldn't Smile!

I still have a working VCR and do in fact pull these out still.

33 the last adventure you’ve been on?

Oh! It was this past November when I went to Miami with some family members. We drove and I made a playlist that lasted the entire 4 hour ride, plus made snacks bags. We went to go visit another family member for a few days that was doing a sports event and cheer him on.

weird asks