#papyrus becomes a lawyer? its more likely than you think

[doctor-dt]

hes writing a college paper on diplomacy between humans and monsters. he wants to become a lawyer :)

[lsotp]

hi! im filling in on my last ask.

how different would the boy's lives be had they not been (forcefully) inlisted to the military?

would some have taken other forms of employment/career choice, or would they join the military like in the story but like, willingly.

thank you!

Vastly different.

Mars would have been something like a rancher that cared for livestock, I think. Even though he has a scary appearance, the large beasts of the plains don’t seem to fear him.

Jupiter would probably help Ursa (outertale paps) work as this worlds equivalent to a Cub Scout or Boy Scout troop leader. Learning about the outdoors. Ursa would handle teaching about the flora and fauna, while Jupiter would teach them how to survive in the wild should they be ‘up shits creek without a paddle.’

Polaris (outertale sans) would also study the local plant and wildlife and end up as a professor at the university in St. Calibri. When he isn’t doing that, he also likes to learn about insects. He probably falls asleep while studying and some of them hitch rides on Polaris into the house, much to Ursa’s dismay.

(Their dad thinks it’s endearing, as Polaris makes sure they all get out back outside, safely.)

Red is a mechanic. Cars exist but someone still has to fix em when they break.

Edge would become quite the amazing cook and teach others how to cook.

Milord would be a lawyer.

Mutt would have ended up with a much gentler disposition. So eventually with how smart he is, he would have opened his own gardening or landscaping business.

Blue would be a sheriff/ the sheriff or a firefighter.“This town isn’t big enough for your troublesome antics, evil-doer!”

Orange’s laid back attitude makes him a good bartender/ keeper. (He’d run the saloon.)

Aster would be a doctor. (Granted that’s kinda the same as what he currently does. Though that’s a field medic.) He is very generous with his time and service to his community.

G would be a private eye. He has a natural charm and charisma that allows him to get closer to people than one normally would. Not to mention his intelligence and natural curiosity would make him a good sleuth.

Sans would be a deputy to Blue- doing a lot of the under cover work and ‘bad cop’ing. Actually getting the results as his more excited counterpart goes on the chase for the bad guys and all that fun jazz. He would also be the one to work with Milord for criminal cases, as well as Milord would be the on call lawyer for the jail.

Papyrus would be a handyman. If it can be broken, this master of all things ‘confusing contraption’ can probably fix it. Pluming, lightning, furniture. Etc etc.

Bonus:

The gasters-

Fell- He is still in the army as a top tier General. He was bossy from the day he was born and he’ll stay bossy long after he dusts. Where do you think edge got the audacity from? He learned it from someone and it wasn’t Red.

Swap- He would be a pre-school teacher. He didn’t earn his #1 Dad! Pin for nothing.

Starlord- He would study meteorology and probably be a forecaster.

Trocar- Like his son Mars, he has a way with animals. He would be a veterinarian.

Swiff (SwapFell Gaster) - Mans is a straight up fiend. He’s getting a head start on the brewing business for moonshine.

WingDing- He would teach mathematics at St. Calibri University…

…

Though he swears he doesn’t remember this. Any of it…

How can this be?

Wasn’t he just….?

He looks around the room, brows furrowed. Nothing seemed out of place. Papers were in order and papers sat on his desk.

At least he thought it was supposed to be his.

He snapped awake, staring at the dark green of the tent above his head, the dream already fading from his mind.

Everything was in its place, untouched.

Unchanged.

…

Though the weird, black substance on his jacket went unnoticed.

[ask-the-swapfell-crew]

a bad trip(a SF!papyrus story)

SF!sans:OK, GODDAMNIT!... LOOK... I'LL CALL HIM.  I'LL GET HIM OFF OUR BACKS. YOU'RE RIGHT.  HE'S MY PROBLEM.

SF!papyrus: it's gone too far.

SF!sans:RELAX.  LET ME HANDLE THIS. *dials the PHONE, snaps angrily at SF!papyrus*  YOU'D MAKE A PISS-POOR LAWYER....ROOM 1600, PLEASE. *to SF!papyrus* AS YOUR BROTHER, I ADVISE YOU NO TO WORRY. *nods towards bathroom* TAKE A HIT OUT OF THAT LITTLE BROWN BOTTLE IN MY SHAVING KIT.

*SF!papyrus goes in the bathroom.  He finds a little bottle -- a label: "DRINK ME."* 

                       SF!papyrus                      what is this?

                       SF!sans           YOU WON'T NEED MUCH.  JUST A LITTLE          TINY TASTE, THAT STUFF MAKES PURE          MESCALINE SEEM LIKE GINGER-BEER.          DETERMINATION.

*SF!papyrus stares wonderingly at the bottle.*

                       SF!papyrus                   determination...

                       SF!sans                  (into PHONE)           HI, NAPSTATON?  YEAH, IT'S ME.  I GOT          YOUR MESSAGE...WHAT?  HELL, NO, I          TAUGHT THE BASTARD A LESSON HE'LL          NEVER FORGET... WHAT?  NO, NOT          DEAD, BUT HE WON'T BE BOTHERING          ANYBODY FOR A WHILE.  YEAH.  I LEFT          HIM OUT THERE, I STOMPED HIM, THEN          PULLED ALL HIS TEETH OUT...

                       SF!papyrus (V/O)           i remember thinking, "jesus, what a          terrible thing to lay on somebody          with a head full of acid."

*SF!papyrus dips a match head into the brown bottle -- studies it -- TASTES IT -- NOTHING -- TASTES SOME MORE...*

                       SF!sans                  (to PHONE)           BUT HERE'S THE PROBLEM.  THAT          BASTARD CASHED A BAD CHECK          DOWNSTAIRS AND GAVE YOU AS A          REFERENCE.  THEY'LL BE LOOKING FOR          BOTH OF YOU.  YEAH, I KNOW, BUT YOU          CAN'T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER,          NAPSTATON.  SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST          BASICALLY ROTTEN... ANYWAY, THE          LAST THING YOU WANT TO DO IS CALL          THIS HOTEL AGAIN; THEY'LL TRACE THE          CALL AND PUT YOU STRAIGHT BEHIND          BARS... NO, I'M MOVING TO THE          TROPICANA RIGHT AWAY.  I HAVE TO          GO, THEY'VE GOT THE PHONE TAPPED.          YEAH, I KNOW, IT WAS HORRIBLE, BUT          IT'S ALL OVER NOW... OH MY GOD!          THEY'RE KICKING THE DOOR DOWN!                   *throws the PHONE down; shouts*           NO!  GET AWAY FROM ME!  I'M INNOCENT!          IT WAS PAPYRUS!  I SWEAR TO GOD! *stomps the PHONE; moans* NO, I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.YOU'LL NEVER CATCH NAPSTATON!  HE'S GONE!  I SWEAR, I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS!  DON'T PUT THAT THING ON ME! *slams the PHONE down*

*SF!sans sits back in his chair... watching MISSION IMPOSSIBLE.*

                       SF!sans           WELL.  THAT'S THAT.  HE'S PROBABLY          STUFFING HIMSELF DOWN THE          INCINERATOR ABOUT NOW.  THAT'S THE          LAST WE SHOULD BE HEARING FROM NAPSTATON.                   *fumbling with the hash pipe*                      WHERE'S THE OPIUM?

*SF!papyrus stares at the back of SF!sans's neck.  SOMETHING VERY STRANGE IS HAPPENING TO HIM...*

                       SF!papyrus (V/O)           i remember slumping on the bed, his          performance had given me a bad jolt.          for a moment i thought his mind had          snapped -- that he actually believed          he was being attacked by invisible          enemies.  but the room was quiet          again.

*SF!papyrus CLUTCHES THE BROWN BOTTLE.*

                       SF!papyrus              where'd you get this?

                       SF!sans          NEVER MIND, IT'S ABSOLUTELY PURE.

                       SF!papyrus           jesus... what kind of monster          client have you picked up this time?          there's only one source for this          stuff -- the adrenaline gland from          a living human body!

*SF!sans turns to smile at SF!papyrus.*

                       SF!sans           I KNOW, BUT THE GUY DIDN'T HAVE ANY          CASH TO PAY ME.  HE'S ONE OF THESE          SATANISM FREAKS.  HE OFFERED ME          HUMAN BLOOD -- SAID IT WOULD TAKE          ME HIGHER THAN I'VE EVER BEEN IN MY          LIFE.*laughs -- strutsround SF!papyrus -- eyesbright with expectation*          I THOUGHT HE WAS KIDDING, SO I TOLD          HIM I'D JUST AS SOON HAVE AN OUNCE          OR SO OF PURE DETERMINATION -- OR          MAYBE JUST A FRESH ADRENALINE GLAND          TO CHEW ON.

                       SF!papyrus (V/O)            i could already feel the stuff           working on me -- the first wave           felt like a combination of mescaline           and methedrine -- maybe I should           take a swim, I thought...

*SF!papyrus sees that SF!sans is TOYING WITH HIS HUNTING KNIFE...*

                       SF!sans          YEAH, THEY NAILED THIS GUY FOR          CHILD MOLESTING.  HE SWORE HE          DIDN'T DO IT. "WHY SHOULD I FUCK          WITH CHILDREN?" HE SAYS. "THEY'RE          TOO SMALL." CHRIST, WEREWOLF IS          ENTITLED TO LEGAL COUNSEL.  I          DIDN'T DARE TURN THE CREEP DOWN.          HE MIGHT HAVE PICKED UP A LETTER          OPENER AND GONE AFTER MY PINEAL          GLAND!

*SF!sans JABS WITH THE RAZOR BRIGHT KNIFE.  SF!papyrus'S BODY IS GOING RIGID -- HE SPEAKS THROUGH GRITTED TEETH.*

                       SF!papyrus            why not?  we should get some of           that.  just eat a big handful and           see what happens.

                       SF!sans           SOME OF WHAT?

                       SF!papyrus                   *spitting words*               extract of pineal!

                       SF!sans         *STARING AT SF!papyrus WITH A STRANGE SMILE*           SURE.  THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.  ONE          WHIFF OF THAT SHIT WOULD TURN YOU          INTO SOMETHING OUT OF A GODDAMN          MEDICAL ENCYCLOPEDIA.

*SF!sans GROWS HORNS -- HIS FACE BECOMES A MEXICAN DEMON MASK.*

                       SF!sans         MAN, YOUR HEAD WOULD SWELL UP LIKE         A WATERMELON, YOU'D PROBABLY GAIN         ABOUT A HUNDRED POUNDS IN TWO         HOURS...

*A CLOVEN HOOF BURSTS THROUGH SF!sans's BOOT*

                       SF!papyrus                             right!

                       SF!sans          ... GROW CLAWS... BLEEDING WARTS.

*SF!sans's CHEST EXPANDS -- BONY RIBS BURSTING HIS SHIRT.*

                       SF!papyrus                                 yes!

                       SF!sans          ... THEN YOU'D NOTICE ABOUT SEVEN          HUGE JELLY TITS SWELLING UP ON YOUR          BACK WITH SOULS...

*A TAIL LASHES, HOOFS STRIKE THE FLOOR.  SF!sans TOWERS -- A FLAME RED DEMON!*

                       SF!papyrus                          fantastic!

*SF!papyrus is now so wire that his hands are CLAWING UNCONTROLLABLY at the bedspread, JERKING IT RIGHT OUT FROM UNDER HIM.  His heels are dug into the mattress with both KNEES LOCKED, googly EYEBALLS SWELLING.*

*SF!sans-DEMON LOOMS AGAINST THE CEILING.*

                       SF!sans           YOU'D GO BLIND... YOUR BODY WOULD          TURN TO WAX... THEY'D HAVE TO PUT          YOU IN A WHEELBARROW AND...

*SF!sans's VOICE FADES AWAY -- SF!papyrus's frenzied gaze reveals SF!sans REVERTED TO NORMAL SHAPE AND SIZE.*

                       SF!sans         MAN I'LL TRY ABOUT ANYTHING; BUT          I'D NEVER TOUCH A PINEAL GLAND.

                       SF!papyrus           FINISH THE FUCKING STORY!  what           happened?!  what about the glands?

*SF!sans, a small smile on his jaw, backs away warily...towards the TV -- NOW A HUNDRED FEET AWAY IN THE DISTANCE...*

                       SF!sans            JESUS, THAT STUFF GOT RIGHT ON TOP          OF YOU, DIDN'T IT.

*GOOP stand out on SF!papyrus's forehead.  He is purplish-red. OVER THE TOP!  Too late, he realizes he is NEAR DEATH!*

                       SF!papyrus            maybe you could just... shove me           into the pool, or something...

*SF!sans shakes his head disgustedly.*

                       SF!sans         JESUS, THAT STUFF GOT RIGHT ON TOP          OF YOU, DIDN'T IT. IF I PUT YOU IN THE POOL RIGHT NOW,          YOU'D SINK LIKE A GODDAMN STONE.          YOU TOOK TOO MUCH.  JESUS, LOOK AT          YOUR FACE, YOU'RE ABOUT TO EXPLODE.

*SF!sans sits back down... watching the TV.*

                       SF!sans           DON'T TRY AND FIGHT IT, OR YOU'LL          GET BRAIN BUBBLES.  STROKES,          ANEURYSMS.  YOU'LL JUST WITHER UP          AND DIE.

*SF!papyrus FALLS TO THE GROUND, WRITHING, CATATONIC, SINKING INTO PARALYSIS. AND THE SOUND, SUDDENLY AND STRANGELY, OF THE VOICE OF RICHARD NIXON AND HIS DISTORTED FACE ON THE TV SCREEN.*

                        NIXON            Sacrifice... sacrifice...            sacrifice...

*SF!papyrus passes out.*

[morethanithoughtofficialblog]

Chapter 21: You like jazz?

In which you guys see a beeutiful movie.

*Sans's POV*

The universe was against me. "Sweet Child O' Mine" is a hard song that, no matter how many times I have sung it, it puts me extremely nervous. I love the song, so... I never would want to ruin it.

Now, years had passed since I quit singing in public, and the fact that their opinion matters to me... let's just say I wasn't confident at all.

It was so strange, though. The music started, the looks were on me... but I felt that I had to do it. I had this discussion with Paps earlier, and he's having a rough time with my situation... I wanted to make it up for him. I love my bro, I know he's trying to help. I don't know what I was expecting when he saw me passed out on a table. It was quite obvious that he would scold me.

And so I sang.

I never thought I would feel that... "funny" feeling if I ever got myself to sing again. Somehow, it happened. I felt great at singing the song by heart and mimicking the guitar solo in my head. And as great as the music felt, the applauses made me feel even better. It felt so... surreal.

So oddly surreal.

But I couldn't care less.

"YAY! MY BROTHER'S MUSICAL CAREER HAS RETURNED!" Papy exclaimed with a goofy grin.

"Dude, we don't even need to do votation!" Undyne surprisingly commented.

The positive comments were starting to get me. I felt like floating, like if I was in a dream. I know this must mean nothing to a lot of people... but for me? Oh, of course, it does. I was so scared to sing because their opinions matter... but I noticed that some may always provide me support. Like Papyrus.

Maybe I should try this more often.

The night continued after that, everyone deciding I was the winner. I felt like a champion, but tried not to get too attached to that title. Instead, I shrugged it off and continued to get onto everyone's nerves with my fantastic puns.

Is quite... interesting how a simple recognition can make me happy. Maybe it's because I don't get complimented often. Maybe it's because I've been seeing myself as a fucking and talentless idiot these days. Maybe, and just maybe, I was feeling more anxious than ever, and then I realized it was no use.

Eh, it could have been whatever. Not that I should really get into it.

"Now let's play... 7 minutes in heaven!" The stupid robot said, and I swear I wasn't the only one who cringed. 7 minutes in heaven is... horrible. And I would never let my brother play that horrid game. What if they had to go with Frisk? Oh, I would not be able to take it.

"Pardon my ignorance, but... what is 7 minutes in heaven?" (Y/N) asked nervously. Oh girl, you really don't want to know.

Wait, but how does she don't know? I thought this was a human-made game...

"But punk! This is a traditional sleepover game!" Undyne, having the same doubt as I, asked her. She played with her fingers and muttered that she never tend to go to sleepovers, which made my brother gasp.

"HUMAN! I SHOULD INVITE YOU MORE OFTEN, THEN! YOU JUST CAN'T WASTE THE WONDERFUL YEARS OF YOUR YOUNGHOOD WITHOUT HAVING A SUPER FUN SLEEPOVER! LESS IF IT'S WITH THE GREAT PAPYRUS!" She chuckled lightly, a sound that definitely I would love to hear more often. She's really quiet, I just hope she was more open and confident in our friend group...

And for that, you need to stop being an asshole, Sans.

I shook my head, reminding myself how horrible my thoughts can get if I don't stop them in time. Now I had the head (or skull?) more clear, and I couldn't waste the opportunity. It's being a while- I need to focus seriously on the future while I still can.

And on the present as well.

"O-ok, so... what about if we... play another thing?" Alphys muttered, and I immediately nodded. If you can't already tell, I hate that game. It's pathetic and for flustered teenagers with a silly crush. I've never been a huge fan of that.

"Ok, ok!" Mettaton groaned, obviously angered by no choosing his horrible idea "Let's watch a movie, then!"

"THAT'S A WONDERFUL IDEA, METTATON. I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL MAKE SURE TO CHOOSE THE PERFECT FEATURE-LENGTH FILM FOR THIS EVENING!" Then he rushed to Tori's living room and put on that Netflix thingy. I like that site, but Youtube is better. It has more variety and more stupid things. Also, no bad jokes restrainment. Perfect for someone like me.

I lost myself into thinking in what I would possibly choose to do if Frisk doesn't reset. The timeline problem is quite a huge one, but if the world decides to be on my side, then what would be next? Getting a career? Spend the rest of my days on a bar?

Yeah, the last one doesn't seem like the best option...

One of my childhood dreams was to get on the Surface and become either a great scientist or a talented writer. Now I have the possibility to stop calling it a dream. As much as I love quantum physics, though, writing is something that still has my heart. I'm much more of a reserved guy than what everyone thinks. I may joke, I may laugh, I may strike up conversations instantly, but the real me is an introvert. And a nerd.

Maybe I can become a freaking science teacher, a formal scientist, a crazy man who invents stupid things, a bonely skeleton living with twelve dogs (because I love dogs. Fite me), or even a hotdog seller. I can be anything I want to be! ...

Dude, I sounded like a Barbie commercial.

But what I mean is that I have endless opportunities on the tip of my fingers, and I won't let them go that easily. I think that the first step would be applying to a university...

Which I already did.

I mentally facepalmed when I remembered that day. I was saying stupid puns in my head to call me down, but that wasn't working. I wasn't in my right mind and, still, I went and do a freaking three-hour exam. What a smart decision.

Well, if I'm somehow accepted, I'll throw a huge party. That involves sleeping. In my room...

Wait-no.

Ah, forget it.

I will somehow celebrate it, then. Maybe spoiling myself with a bottle of ketchup or make my sock collection bigger. Yeah, little things like that. I should not congratulate myself so much.

If I don't make it, though... then I guess there won't be any differences. Pretty much everything normal, except I won't be able to give Papyrus what I've always wanted to give him...

I need to work hard.

"EVERYONE! I THINK THAT I HAVE CHOSEN AN APPROPRIATE MOVIE FOR TODAY!" Papyrus shouted, and everyone rushed into the living room "IT'S CALLED 'BEE MOVIE'!"

Bee Movie? What kind of name is that?

We all had confused looks. Everyone except the humans, that is. Both Frisk and (Y/N) were "trying" to hold back laughter.

"is it a good movie?" I asked them, not wanting to waste my time on a shitty movie.

"Pfft-Familiar comedy" (Y/N) simply replied, smiling brightly "It's more directed to... kids. But, hey! Anyone can enjoy it!"

Something about her statement made me suspicious, but Papy believed her instantly. And so he put on the movie, and we all sat down whether on the couch or the floor.

"According to all known laws of aviation," The movie started "there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway..."

"Because bees don't care what humans think is impossible"

Oh boy.

(Y/N) stopped smirking but had this goofy and stupid grin written all over her face. If it ends up with some scary shit, I swear to God I'll kill her. We went on and watched how this guy, Barry B. Benson, graduated and had to choose a job. Everything was, well, normal, I guess... until he met that human girl. What was her name? Melissa? No... Oh! Vanessa!

When Barry daydreamed about Vanessa and him flying it was... weird, to say the least. Both human girls, though, laughed loudly. It was so stupid, I need to admit it.

The movie had puns, which I highly appreciated, but the rest of it... was stupid. That's it. Simply stupid.

I liked the "You like jazz?" part though. I should hit on someone like that. And that joke about- wait, I'll get it.

"He's making the tie in the cab as they're flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, <<Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?>>"

I think that's the most hilarious and stupid joke I've heard in a while. Or well, probably in a movie. It was so stupid and so bad that I laughed. (Y/N) did as well. And Papy stared at us like we were crazy. The others were still trying to find the joke. It was amazing.

All those puns were driving everyone crazy. Well, except me. And those two weird girls. I actually didn't want to judge the adult so quickly, but if she does enjoy things like these... I may not be sure to change her nickname any sooner. I may also start to like her more, though. Serious but a dork- that's a nice personality I bet she has.

"-This is your queen? That's a man in women's clothes!"

"-That's a drag queen!"

That scene, that fucking scene... it was perfect. I would be lying if I said I didn't love the movie. According to all known laws of film-making, no movie should be like this one. It was bizarre. That's why I loved it.

"How good?" That lawyer asked "Do you live together? Wait a minute... are you her little... bedbug?"

Unfortunately for me, I was drinking soda at that moment. I spit it out. At the floor, thankfully, but I still embarrassed myself. This dork, (Y/N) laughed way too loud about the incident. But hey, I can't blame her. I would have done just the same if I wasn't the victim.

"What about a suicide pact?" Barry asked Vanessa (am I seriously talking about this movie?)

"How do we do it?" She asked.

"I sting you, you step on me."

"That just kills you twice"

"Right, right"

Can't you see how stupid and amazing it is?! And after a minute I've just realized the name of that woman was Vanessa Bloome! And she was a freaking florist! There were puns everywhere! That silly and quite morbid sense of humor...

If the Bee Movie was a girl, I should have married her by now.

"So... did you enjoy the movie, guys?" Frisk asked, wearing a stupid grin.

"IT WAS WEIRD" Papyrus bluntly replied, which made all of us laugh.

"You sure do have a sense of humor, punk!" Undyne looked to (Y/N), and she just shrugged with a smile.

"the movie was beeutiful. all-time favorite" I added, and laughter filled the room again.

"it was... something" Napstablook shyly smiled, but in his face was all written: "I will never see it again". As much as we all would like to talk about it, though, Toriel came just in time to tell us that it was sleeping time. I looked over my cellphone and saw that it was, indeed, pretty late. I can't believe we were up 'till 2 am to watch something like that. Oh well. It was worth it.

We all gave each other some goodbyes and headed to any room we would want. Papyrus had somehow made his way to reclaim the second biggest room (since Tori's is the biggest) all for his own. Since the Dreemurr family cleared up one room that was messy and made it quite nicely, now everyone had a room. I was still rooting for my dad to sleep on the couch, though...

I lied down on the bed with a happy smile... that faded after minutes passed by.

I couldn't sleep.

I groaned at the thought of not sleeping again and get all grumpy in the morning. That's definitely something I've been trying to avoid (unsuccessfully...). I wanted to be there for the people I care about, but the nightmares aren't helping. So it was almost 4 am, and I wanted to waste time...

You: hey

You: u awake?

C' mon, please answer!

24/7 Depressed Dork: Yep

24/7 Depressed Dork: What's up?

Shit, I forgot I gave her that nickname...

Oh well.

You: i'm bored

You: wanna talk?

24/7 Depressed Dork: Sure

24/7 Depressed Dork: ...hmm

24/7 Depressed Dork: So how's the weather in there?

I'm starting to like this girl more.

You: eh, nothing impressive

You: just a bit chilly but, y' know

You: it doesn't affect me at all

You: after all, nothing gets under my skin

24/7 Depressed Dork: I knew you would say something like that

24/7 Depressed Dork: I could feel it in my bones

Perfect audience.

You: Knock knock

24/7 Depressed Dork: Who's there?

You: cash

24/7 Depressed Dork: cash who?

You: nah, i'll have some peanuts, thanks.

24/7 Depressed Dork: Sans, that was horrible

And before I could answer her back and tell her the opposite, she surprisingly wrote:

24/7 Depressed Dork: Knock Knock

You: wow, really?

You: ok

You: who's there?

24/7 Depressed Dork: Annie

You: annie who?

24/7 Depressed Dork: Annie thing you can do I can do better!

Oh, so you are challenging me? Interesting...

You: you think so?

You: oh, you'll see

You: knock knock

24/7 Depressed Dork: Who's there?

You: dewey

24/7 Depressed Dork: Dewey who?

You: dewey have to use a condom?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Your POV*

I stared amazed at the message Sans just send me and laughed quietly. Either it's a way to flirt or just a corny joke, I enjoy those things. They are... interesting, and make you think twice. And not everyone is accessible to hear this type of jokes, less making them. He has quite the sense of humor, huh?

You: Oh, I see how it is, then

You: Knock Knock

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: who's there?

Ah, his nickname...

It's amazing, I won't change it any time sooner.

You: Ivana

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: ivana who?

You: Ivana jump your bones ;)

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: ohmygod

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: that's just way too dirty

You: You started this fight, buddy

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: i guess so

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: but two can play this game!

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: knock knock

You: Who's there?

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: hop on

You: ...

Oh my God, no.

What I have done?

You: Hop on who?

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: hop on dis dick

OHMYGODIREGRETEVERYTHINGNOW!

...

do skeletons even have a-

Calm down, don't let him see right through you.

So for some reason, I was taking this very seriously. Like if this was going to define who was the leader or some survival shit like that.

You: Okay, you asked for it

You: Knock Knock

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: who's there?

You: Pussy!

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: dude, what?

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: i don't get it

You: And you never will

You: Sucker

It was 6 am at this point, the sun was starting to get out. What do you think it's the best way to start the day? Smiling and laughing, of course. However, I don't think it was the right time for anyone to hear Sans loud laughter in ALL THE FREAKING HOUSE.

You: Sans, stfu

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: never

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: that was good

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: really good...

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: i have a joke for you

You: Bring it on

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: what is 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women wild?

We're still at the dirty jokes?

You: Sans, I swear to God...

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: a $100 bill

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: what were you thinking bud? ;)

...ok, he caught me red-handed.

You: Yeah... let's not talk about it

You: It's my turn now

You: But this time, it's a poem

You: Be ready

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: wow, you are a poet now?

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: i'm curious

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: spit it out

You: Ok, good

You: Let me start:

You: As I lay here with my legs spread

Like hot butter bleeding on stale bread. The warm insides of my cantaloupe thighs cry out in extasy as you eat my cherry pie. Visions of cucumbers often enter my mind and sometimes hot dogs, they plump when you cook 'em kind Whipped cream all covered with gooslurping green jello in the tub with you You are my world my little cupcake, I want to lick your cream filling until you ache. Your Juicy Avacadoes so plump, and so ripe.

Let's just do it in the kitchen tonight!!

I...

Got too carried away, okay?

Don't get me wrong, I'm not that dirty-minded.

Well, kinda.

I memorized a dirty poem by heart...

That it made Sans laugh really hard (wait, I think that rhymed... shit).

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: (y/n), you are my new favorite person

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: you are amazing

You: So I won?

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: definitely

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: let me just end this contest with one question

You: Go ahead

Short and Moody is my Skelebuddy: you like jazz

And I laughed like there was no tomorrow, just at how random it was and remembering Barry's face. God, I think I'm becoming more stupid than I originally thought.

I would have made a joke or two, but the consequences of laughing so hard already arrived:

"SANS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WHY YOU AND THE HUMAN ARE LAUGHING?!" Oh shit.

"ah, s-sorry bro..."

"SANS! WHY WERE YOU TEXTING THE HUMAN WHEN WERE IN THE SAME HOUSE?! THAT'S RIDICULOUS!"

I chuckled, realizing how idiotic someone can become.

Bee Movie takes all the blame.

[rtscrndr53704]

5 Cliché Logo Design Trends to Avoid

Logos are one of the trickiest things to get right in the graphic design world. It takes almost zero talent to make a logo — virtually anyone can do it. However, making a good logo requires a lot of insight, artistic skill and patience.

Too often we see designers falling into the trap of rushing into a logo design project and coming up with ideas that are so overused that they’re downright cringe-worthy. Today we’re going to take a look at five logo trends that fit this description. Read on to see if any of your go-to techniques are on the list (and make a mental note to avoid them in the future!)

Who Cares About Being Unique?

Before we jump into some of the logo ideas that you might want to watch out for, let’s address the question of exactly why you should be aware of and perhaps avoid logo ideas that have become a cliché. The answer here cuts at the very core of why logos exist.

From a branding perspective, a logo is in many ways the face of your company. When someone thinks about “Nike” as an entity, they immediately see that famous swoosh, the same could be said of a million other brands such as Coca-Cola and Apple. This isn’t just true for global mega-brands either, who could forget the “Monster” energy drink with its claw mark “M”?

The reason you remember these marks so vividly is that they’re unique, and companies will fight viciously to protect that. Any time someone gets anywhere near a simple apple icon, the Apple Inc. lawyers unleash their fury with significant monetary backing.

Destruction from Within

If so many companies are willing to invest so much into their brand’s unique identity, don’t you think they see it as an important part of their success? Sometimes though, the most dangerous threat in this area comes not from competitors or other brands, but from people actually working for the brand itself! These individuals have the power to completely destroy a long held visual legacy and cause mountains of bad press for companies. The people I’m referring to are, of course, designers.

The past couple of years have been filled with long established brands attempting visual updates only to receive so much negative feedback and public outcry that they are forced to retreat back to their original but newly appreciated identity.

“You owe it to your customers to provide rich, unique identities”

As a designer, you wield an immense power over the public perception of a brand. You owe it to your customers to provide rich, unique identities that won’t be easily confused with 3,000 other similar attempts by other brands.

With these ideas in mind, let’s take a look at five logo trends that designers just can’t seem to get over.

Arc Over the Top

I can’t tell you how many logos I’ve seen use some variant of this idea in the last ten years. In concept, the idea isn’t a bad one. The arc indicates progress, movement, soaring over the competition; it’s a great symbol. However, it’s so overused in nearly the same exact way that it’s almost impossible to incorporate something like this into a logo and hold onto any semblance of a unique identity.

When you’re tempted to use an arc that looks like the one above, try to think about how you can drastically change the visual translation of the ideas you’re trying to represent. Surely you can come up with a few other ways to represent progress. As designers, this is our job: tying complex concepts into attractive and relatable visuals, not simply repeating ideas that we’ve seen a million times.

Helvetica

Listen, we’ve all done it so don’t bother denying it. At one time or another you’ve typed out a company name in Helvetica and thought “looks like a logo to me!” The problem here is that we completely lose sight of what a logo is all about, as I just ranted about in the opening paragraphs. Just because something is attractive doesn’t mean it makes a good logo. That’s an important concept so write it down in bold letters in your logo sketchbook.

Helvetica is a great typeface. I use it constantly and am certainly not in league with the anti-Helvetica crowd. Everything type lovers say about this typeface is true: it’s versatile and clean and works perfect as a blank slate that you can project ideas onto. However, without some major help, it can make for the most cliché logo imaginable. I’m not saying that you should never use Helvetica in a logo, just make sure that when you do, you have some really unique visuals to back it up.

I’ll keep reminding you of the Gap fiasco every time I can because it serves as an important lesson where a brand tried to “update” their iconic look with a fresh logo. The result was a disaster and led to weeks of public embarrassment (and oddly enough the positive result of everyone realizing they love the old logo).

Not Just Helvetica

While we’re on the subject, keep in mind that this idea doesn’t only apply to Helvetica. There are plenty of other typefaces that are just as cliché or worse. I think the designer’s rule for using Papyrus should be somewhere along the lines of, “only use this if your computer has just two fonts and the other is Comic Sans.”

Random Colored Dots

This is an odd one that I’ve been seeing a lot of in logo galleries lately. It’s not particularly attractive or appealing and often reflects a lazy attempt to represent diversity. It’s sort of like a bad re-imagining of a Wonderbread bag.

Some designers get particularly creative and actually take the time to arrange the dots into a symmetrical pattern, but the result is often just as generic and uninspired:

The meaning here is so vague that it’s lost. Further, you simply can’t get around the idea that you’ve seen this exact idea on a million other logos. It’s time to let the colored dots go. Rather than starting with some simple vector shapes in Illustrator, why not grab a pencil and spend a solid hour sketching out every idea that you can come up with? Trust me, at the end of the exercise you’ll realize that it was worth the time and effort.

Chat Bubble Logos

Four out of every ten logos created for social media sites have chat bubbles in them. I just made up that statistic off the top of my head but there are days when I would swear it was true.

Once again, we have a concept that there is nothing inherently wrong with. A chat bubble is in many ways the perfect way to represent social media. Also, it’s a good thing when you land on a symbol that immediately relates your concept. However, as a unique brand identifier, it isn’t an easy element to leverage without a result that looks like everything else on the market.

Can you use chat bubbles in your logo? By all means. However, be sure to take the time to experiment with how you can take this overused symbol to a new place.

The Double Letter Overlap

While the chat bubble is a fairly recent phenomenon that arose as a result of social media, this logo trend dates back several decades. In fact, for as long as their have been law firm logos, this idea has been going strong.

It can be used with almost any two capital letters but any time you have a double “L” you can bet good money that this idea is going to pop into your head. My advice: resist it with everything in you. It’s completely generic and is in fact the very first idea that countless non-designers would run to in this situation. Given that you do this for a living, I know you can come up with something a little better.

Notice a Theme?

Take a good look at the cliché logo ideas that we just went over. Notice anything similar about all of them? The answer is that they’re all super easy to replicate. The problem with many designers is not that they aren’t capable of coming up with great ideas, it’s that they’re too lazy and tend to run with the idea that’s quickest to bust out. Contrast this idea with something like the Starbucks logo:

This is a really quirky logo that looks and feels truly unique. The custom illustration uses beautiful symmetry and repetition and the siren is anything but a cliché icon. Ripping off the logos above would take any designer ten minutes or less. Mimicking this idea is much more difficult. Admittedly, this isn’t always the case with strong logos, the Nike swoosh can readily be drawn by any twelve year old with a paint program.

However, the moral here is that any time you find yourself with the goal of making a strong brand icon that is completely own-able, try actually investing some solid time into your creation. The odds are that as you spend more time tweaking and refining your idea, the more unique it will become.

What Cliché Logo Ideas Have You Seen?

Now that you’ve seen my top five cliché logo trends, it’s time for you to join the conversation. In recent years, are there any logo ideas that you’ve seen seen that seem to get picked up and used over and over again? Share with us on Twitter @designshack!

Also be sure to let us know if you’re guilty of replicating any of the trends above. Don’t be ashamed, we’ve all come up with and even used horribly generic ideas so we might as well all laugh about it and learn from the comedy of the situation.

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