#perhaps this behavior is more common with older brothers?? because when i observe older sisters they're more like the second parent lol

[harmonysanreads]

I have an older brother but we do not get along well whatsoever. He causes me so much stress and anger, it legit messess up my fricking period. In a way it's not his fault bc he's mentally ill but he's so ARROGANT EW

Sounds like a normal sibling dynamic to me lmao

Now that I think about, I have a cousin who's exactly like this and he's a total menace to his younger sister (and me) as well 💀

[thejustmaiden]

Jaken = Rin's Dad?

Okay, is this how a daughter treats their so-called father?

Most definitely not.

Rin and Jaken's relationship clearly screams of your typical sibling rivalry punctuated with cute and silly moments of playful bickering.

Yes, Jaken may technically be her main provider, but that doesn't necessarily equate to him being more of a father than Sesshomaru. If anything, he demonstrates more of a brotherly love towards her. As we all know, parents (which Sesshomaru embodies more based on real life patterns and parallels) will leave their older more capable children in charge of looking after their younger brothers and sisters. In this case, that would mean making Jaken responsible for watching over Rin and protecting her if need be. Ah-Un offers protection, too. Think of it as Jaken as the big brother and Ah-Un as the family dog who are babysitting while Sesshomaru as the parent of the household is away at work or taking care of business. I mean, they literally fit that description to a tee and I'm dying at the accuracy of it all! 🤣👌

[Quick! Someone write up a modern au where Sesshomaru finally gets out to have a nice date night but everything goes wrong in the most spectacular way. Like maybe Rin and Jaken catch a ride on Ah-Un to go spy!]

I recently revisited some episodes from The Final Act, and I couldn't believe how many moments like this there were where Rin got after Jaken or when she would "put him in his place" so to speak. Obviously, all of it is mostly harmless. I was only surprised by how often it occurred, not to mention how Jaken would just stand there and take it. Towards a supposed father figure, Rin's behavior is downright unacceptable. There's a certain level of respect a child is expected to show their parents/guardians, and that's just not what I'm witnessing here between them. Like at all.

Rather their dynamic has the nature of some sibling relationships like I mentioned above. So I really wish fans would stop pretending otherwise, because based on what we know of father-daughter relationships- healthy ones at least- they don't appear anything like what Jaken and Rin have. If you could please provide me other examples of where we've seen similar portrayals in fiction or in real life, then perhaps I can get on board.

Look, that doesn't have to mean that because Jaken isn't her father then Sesshomaru must be. They can both be her caretakers without necessarily filling that traditional father role. I'm just saying that if we're going to start assigning titles to characters, let's make sure we are accurate and truthful in our assessments. If you're going to label anyone Rin's dad, then it needs to be Sesshomaru. Jaken doesn't have precedence over him in terms of fatherly attributes, that just wouldn't make sense.

After all, this isn't about what you want to see, this is about what Rin very likely sees. It's safe to assume that she views Sesshomaru more like a father than she does Jaken. She knows she's safe with him (broadly speaking lol) and that he'll come for her no matter what. That sense of security and comfort is what a child seeks and what they should always feel in a parent's presence. She trusts and even idolizes him, just as a young and innocent child tends to do with their parents. At that age, parents are perfect and could do no wrong in their child's eyes. Idk about you, but this describes perfectly how Rin is around Sesshomaru.

Rin adores him and will follow him anywhere- yes, even into danger! That's what the innocence and unconditional love of a child will bring them to do if necessary. Fortunately, at the end of The Final Act we learn Sesshomaru takes Kaede's advice when he realizes that leaving Rin with her in the village is in her best interests. That way she'd be able to lead a more normal and safer life alongside other humans. Remember, Sessrin shippers, that doesn't mean he wasn't still a part of her life and didn't witness her become a young woman over the years right before his very eyes. Therefore, if they eventually do become romantically involved, then most if not all of those gifts had intimate and seductive intentions and it essentially constitutes as child grooming.

I understand from a Sessrin shipper's point of view why it'd be so much easier to claim Jaken as the father. In doing so, they diminish Sesshomaru's role in her upbringing. By refusing to acknowledge the real role he had in helping raise Rin (short periods can be crucial and impressionable too esp. in a child's early years so yes they did assist in raising her not only Kaede), these shippers are better able to justify how their filial-like relationship evolved into a romantic one. So yeah, I get it, if I were a Sessrin shipper I'd probably do the same. It's one of the more plausible arguments available to them, after all. "Let's pin Jaken as the father to fend off antis!" is the best chance they've got, but even so, it's still not good enough. But if you insist Jaken is indeed like a father to Rin, then Sesshomaru is most certainly one too. Who says she can't have two fathers anyway?

The thing is however much you want to deny or downplay what Sesshomaru truly means to Rin and vice versa, nothing will ever change or hide the truth of the matter. Please, stop acting like they're only traveling companions and nothing more. Some of y'all even go so far as to say that they're like strangers. Knowing potentially little about a person is not equal to a lack of love and affection. Making big assumptions such as this to defend your ship is actually doing you more harm than good. Let me elaborate.

According to your reasoning, if that's all Rin ever was to him was a companion and Sesshomaru had no real attachment to her, then what precisely is the basis of your ship? Recall that Adult!Rin doesn't exist yet, thus we have no real idea what she will be like or if she's even alive. So how can you make comments like that but then go on later to say "they have such a unique and unbreakable bond" or "only Rin can be the mother because she's the only human he ever cared for" if all that time spent traveling together didn't amount to much in the first place like you claimed to believe beforehand? Do you see how your rationalizing is confusing?

Contrary to what some of you may think, I'm not just saying all this because I'm an anti and I'm obligated to disagree with you, or whatever other excuse you want to tell yourself. Believe it or not, I'm attempting to give as unbiased and objective of an analysis I can based on widely accepted interpretations of family dynamics, development, and any history we know of.

Of course I respect that at times fans will perceive things differently since that's bound to happen. What's hard for me to wrap my head around however is the unwillingness of some fans- not exclusively Sessrin shippers- to apply basic common sense and sound judgment to their observations and deductions.

Looking at all our facts, then taking the small handful of scenes Sesshomaru and Rin do share together into account, one can logically conclude that their dynamic is akin to one found in a typical parent-child relationship. If you still fail to recognize Sesshomaru as a parent to Rin, then that's fine too. In the end, that won't really change the fact that he'd still take on a role resembling an adult figure overseeing a young child's care and protection. Be it as a vassal, guardian, what have you. Plus, nobody is saying here that Sesshomaru doesn't make mistakes regarding Rin's general well-being, but so do all parents. Overall, I think the majority of us agree that Rin is in good hands. Whether it's in his direct company or in his occasional supervision from his frequent visits to the village.

In other words, it doesn't really matter what exact title you assign him in relation to Rin, as the distribution of power is all inherently the same with any and all adult-child relationships. That bond never changes once you've established it either, seeing as it's a special kind of connection one can only form with a child and a child alone.

I was a teacher for a few years, and speaking from personal experience, you don't need to be a parent, per se, to take on a role of authority in a child's life. I know without a doubt that I could never and will never view any of those kids I taught in a sexual/romantic light later down the road; yes, not even once they become grown-ups who are independent and more than capable of making their own decisions. Those of you who disagree are usually missing the whole point though, because we're not trying to dictate what Adult!Rin can and cannot do like many tend to accuse of us doing. This isn't a question of taking away from her autonomy nor does it fall under "purity culture," which is why people shouldn't continue jumping to these outrageous conclusions and really listen for a change. You're deflecting from the real issue here when you choose to misinterpret what we're saying by ignoring the problem we're actually referring to. You cannot present a valid counter-argument if you persist in twisting our words.

Bottom line: once these kids become old enough to pursue a sexual/romantic relationship, of course they have that right if they're ready. All we're trying to say is you guys ought to stop pushing forward this it's-completely-normal-to-want-to-bang-your-adoptive-dad-since-you're-an-adult-and-can-do-as-you-please agenda and not expect backlash. Ship it if you want, but please stop acting like their romance would be the epitome of a pure and healthy relationship.

Sesshomaru may not wear his heart on his sleeve, but it's foolish to presume he didn't actually care about Rin during their whole time together just because he didn't openly express his feelings until the very end. Surely everybody can comprehend that people handle and process their emotions differently. The way Sesshomaru chooses to is completely valid for the most part, so let's cut him some slack regarding this already.

What I'm trying to get at is that any child whose life you played an influential role in will always be a kid in a lot ways to you even when they're old and wrinkly. Just as they will always picture you as the loved one who guided and protected them when they were most vulnerable and couldn't always fend for themselves. Can't we relate this to children we know personally and apply it accordingly?

Finally, I want to end on this note. Could you kindly take a look at these two images below for a second?

The reason I ask is because of something I recently read that's relevant to the topic. There was this pro-sessrin tweet I saw that stated Rin trying to take care of Sesshomaru when they first met is what a mom would do for a child, which in their opinion, translates to Rin being more like a mother than a daughter if anything.

First off: are you freaking kidding me????

Seriously, so now children aren't allowed to tend to their sick or injured parents?! Parents are apparently superhuman and shouldn't be offered a helping hand from a child, even if they mean well and want to help their parent who's in pain?? Now this Twitter user was mostly being a smartass, but at the same time, it was evident they genuinely thought they offered a valid enough point that warranted no further explanation or clarification.

Secondly, by saying this Sessrin fans don't seem to realize that in actuality they're contradicting themselves and proving the point we've been trying to make all along. Glancing at the first picture and moving down to the second, the role of the one being cared for and the caretaker is reversed. So then by their own logic, Sesshomaru IS in fact like a father to Rin.

What it comes down to is the names you give to the roles these characters play aren't as crucial as the dynamic they share. The specific characteristics of that dynamic are what define the importance of said role, not so much the name in the role itself. So real father or not, Sesshomaru and Rin clearly mean a lot to each other. Close relationships are defined and solidified by the devotion and belonging they have to one another, not solely by the duration of time spent together and their proximity.

Well, that's a wrap! I hope you guys got something outta this blog, and that you enjoyed or found some portions of it interesting. I would love to hear your thoughts on the subject from this fandom, but only engage in conversation if you plan to be respectful. Thank you!

[darknessisafriend]

Charlie Sisters x Reader

Here is for @forensic-aep​

Where the reader has been teamed up with the brothers to go kill Herman and during the journey Charlie and the reader develop feelings for each other but never admitting it. Then the reader gets mad and ignores him after he got drunk and slept with many girls at Mayfield’s brothel and after a while they make up and tell each other, FLUFF and SMUT

Your only chance for happiness

Eli stood outside on his horse; his little brother Charlie was inside the villa, talking with the commodore to report on their past mission and maybe get another one. How he wished he could go home, hug his mother, and his lady, he was tired of all this violence, but not his little brother, and what else could he do to help him other than be there for him?

Suddenly Eli was pushed out of his thoughts by Charlie knocking at the glass of the window, gesturing for him to come inside; was the governor so disappointed in their performance?  

“Eli, it’s good to see you, please sit.” Invited the governor, Eli looked at his brother who made a face, showing that he also didn’t have any idea of what all this about. The governor sat at his desk, leaning forward on his forearm.

“Listen, you are one of the best henchmen in the country but lately you’ve been…disappointing and I believe it is because your team lacks a leader. Charlie, you’re the smartest, I want you to become the leader…” declared the commodore, Charlie seemed pleasantly surprised, a grin forming on his face. As for Eli, he didn’t mind as long as he was still paid.

“But that’s not the only thing I wanted to tell you, your team needs a third member, someone to balance your…impulsions.”

“What? Governor we don’t need someone to babysit us” argued Charlie frowning.

“And how can we trust this person?” retorted Eli, he didn’t want to be shot in the back while he slept.

“Do not worry, you can trust this person, she is an excellent but lonely bounty hunter who could use a team too…”

“Did you just say ‘she’?” exclaimed Charlie confused, at this moment the governor gestured to his men to introduce the third member of the team.  

You; you had heard the whole conversation, you weren’t happy to be teamed-up but the job paid well, and they’ll end up with a bullet in the skull if they started to pissed you off. So, you entered, the both of them turning to look at you, the big one seemed to only realize that you were a woman, he had a shocked expression on his face, was it because you wore a pants and boots like a man? whereas the younger one, had his mouth agape and seemed insulted, then he chuckled.

“Is this a joke? A woman!” he jested laughing. You came to stand next to the governor, ignoring his childish reaction.

“She is a very competent man hunter.” added your employer.

“Well, I don’t know about man hunting but she could certainly be useful for other activities…” suggested the younger man with a smirk, looking at you from head to toes.

“Charlie!” reprimanded his brother.  

“If you want to become a eunuch that can be arranged” you replied with a sly smile, Charlie chuckled.

“I’d like to see that.” he defied, now you were itching to take out your gun to teach him a lesson.

“Charlie, I won’t change my mind, and you will accept it or she takes lead of the mission and your salary as well.” threatened the governor, his patience starting to wear off, this seemed to make the man react and he swallowed back his pride, clenching his jaw.

“Alright but don’t expect any favors woman, you’ll live just like us.” he warned you.

“Don’t worry, I can handle myself.” you replied annoyed, you were perfectly able to live this way, you had been for the past two years.  

The commodore finally released you and your team quickly afterwards. The tension was present especially between you and the younger man.

“What’s your name miss? I’m Eli” said the older one as he introduced himself, handing his hand for you to shake, his brother sucked his teeth in disapproval.

“Pleasure to meet you, you can call me Y/N” you replied with a polite smile as you shook his hand, his grip was gentle, seems like he was true gentleman. Charlie was watching the two of you interact, annoyed by how his brother was to you.  

“So, what did the commodore said? And what about the horses?” asked Eli, Charlie sighed as he climbed on his horse.

“Come on, let’s get a drink” he prompted tiredly, did they want to talk privately or should you join? “well don’t just stand there” added Charlie over his shoulder, to this you quickly jumped on your horse and followed them to the Saloon.

“So, you know about the leadership problem…” started Charlie has he rolled a cigarette.

“What does it mean for the money?” asked his brother.

“It means more for me”

“No, for me I mean, is it like before?” clarified Eli, you blinked a few times, perhaps he was a nice guy but not very clever.

“Of course not, less necessarily.” replied Charlie on a casual tone, Eli sighed annoyed.

“If the Commodore wants to pay a leader it’s his own problem, it’s not a good thing to swipe on the small staff.”

“Don’t wanna know what we have to do?” asked the younger one as he changed the topic of the conversation.

“No.”

“What? You sulking?” he lighted his cigarette, while Eli took a sip of his drink, you did the same, patiently waiting for the conversation to come to the real important matters. At this moment, a guy entered the Saloon, you turned your head, he better stays out, Charlie looked like the kind of guy to draw his gun at the slightest annoyance.  

“Hey move! We’re not finished.” warned Eli, the barman gestured to the man to stay out, Eli was truly pissed off about his salary apparently; it wasn’t necessary to mention you were paid as much as Charlie.

“I’m still telling you; we have to find Morris in the south road.”  

“The John Morris of the Commodore?” Charlie hummed in confirmation.

“Why do we have to find Morris?” asked Eli dumbfounded; Charlie exhaled.

“He’s tracking a prospector, some Herman Kermit Warm” you intervened.

“Perfect, he finds him, shoots him, end of the story”

“Morris is a detective, ain’t a killer” pointed out Charlie with an annoyed tone.

“The job is Morris finds the guy, keeps him close to him, he tells us, we arrive, we finish the job, that’s the job” well summarized you thought, clearly Charlie was a man of action, going straight to the point, at least it’s something you had in common with him.

“And what about the horses?” asked again Eli fully shifting in his sit to face his brother.

“But damn what’s your problem with horses?!” badgered Charlie, losing his patience.

“The commodore said he’ll give us new horses Charlie” argued his brother.

“That’s not what he did?”

“No. You, he gave you a new horse, for me he freed some space in his stable and gave me an old horse” Charlie soundly sighed annoyed by the insistence of his brother.

“Don’t you think we could talk about this later?”

“No, it’s for this job, now, that I need a horse, not for later” insisted Eli.  

“Your horse is great, stop acting like a child.” the tone of Charlie was without appeal.

“It’s the word share that bothers you right?” now you clearly understand what the problem was, as brothers they couldn’t stop annoying each for small things, no wonder their last mission failed.

“What about you? You know how to shoot?” asked you Charlie his tone clearly showing he didn’t like your presence in the team.

“Of course, you’re far from being my first job you know, last time I took down the Wilsons” you disclosed as you took another sip of your drink.

“What? you’re the one who got the Wilsons? All six of them? By yourself?” exclaimed Eli in disbelief, a smirk formed on your lips, you were quite proud of this mission.

“Sure, didn’t you hear the commodore? I’m one of the best around here.” you added; throwing a challenging look at Charlie, he raised an eyebrow in return, pleasantly surprised.

“Interesting…I guess you’re gonna be useful after all.” he commented, getting up to get out, Eli followed him finishing his drink.  

“It’s the boss who pays, with his boss salary.” you told the barman, making Eli laugh and Charlie give you a provocative smile, you realized the bastard was pretty good looking with his perfect smirk and his icy green orbs. You followed them outside.

“So, when do we leave?” you asked impatient.

“We’ll meet here, tomorrow at dawn, don’t be late sweetheart.” Charlie said over his shoulders, and now he gave you a nickname, you huffed amused, you knew that sooner or later you’ll have to teach him a lesson if he takes too many liberties with you.

In the morning you were actually the first one up, you had trouble sleeping anyway, you always did on the eve of a mission, turning over and over in your bed as you thought about your target, and this night was added the thought about your two partners, Eli didn’t seem a threat, but you didn’t know if you could sleep with both eyes closed with Charlie, he looked clever and didn’t like you, maybe he was capable of killing you in your sleep just to get rid of you…

“Good morning.” you saluted the two brothers as you saw them approach on their horses. Eli answered you while Charlie simply tipped his hat at you.

“Alright, let’s go.” declared Charlie as he gave a sharp heel kick to the horse and galloped, you and Eli did the same. You rode the whole day until night, your bottom and your legs were starting to ache after a full day on a horse, you even ate lunch on it, you could tell Charlie was eager to get to his target, why? Money? Something else? You didn’t know, you will probably learn to know him and his brother during your travel. Most of the day they had stayed silent, focused on their horses and on the way to go.

You finally found a place to camp that night, tying the horse to trees, Eli started to make a fire while you and Charlie took off the horse’s saddles. You were throwing quick glances at Charlie, observing his behavior.

“How come a woman like you, a beautiful woman I must had, ended up bounty hunter?” he asked you genuinely curious. You were slightly taken aback at his question; you didn’t expect him to be interested in knowing you.

“Well, I always had a taste for adventure, let’s put it this way, didn’t see myself stay in town my whole life, getting married to some drunkard, have his kids and that’s it. No, not for me, I like my freedom.” you explained sincerely, you were proud of your choice of life, and you had proved to countless people that a woman didn’t need extra care or privacy, and that she wasn’t more fragile or sensitive than any other man.

“I see…as long as you do a good job, I don’t care that you’re a woman.” he replied on a casual tone.

“Good…what about you Charlie?” you returned the question.

“I’m just good at killing.” he answered coldly, his tone indicating he didn’t want to talk about that, he brought his saddle around the fire to use it as a pillow. You were intrigued, he seemed to have a lot of anger in him or something like that, he was constantly on the defensive. You joined them by the fire, the food was already warm, Eli gave you your plate with a friendly smile.  

“Thanks.”  

“Y/N if you don’t mind me asking, are you truly lonely in your life? I mean don’t you have a fiancé or someone waiting for you at home?” asked you Eli politely.

“No, who would want an improper, kinda tomboy woman as their wife.” you answered on a humorous tone, wearing a smile on your lips to mask how you really felt, you actually wished you had someone who would love you for who you were.

“What about your family then?” you sighed; he meant no harm but that was a complicated subject for you to talk about.

“I… huh…prefer not to talk about it Eli. Sorry.” Charlie’s eyes met yours briefly as he heard your answer, like he was suddenly intrigued or as if he understood how you felt.

“Oh Eli, now you’ve upset the lady!” accused Charlie on a teasing tone.

“I didn’t…”

“Don’t call me ‘lady’” you told Charlie, annoyed.

“What do you want me to call you? Oh, I know! You didn’t mind ‘sweetheart’ yesterday” he teased you with a mischievous smile; your mouth opened in a ‘o’ shape, you were outraged, god he was infatuating, you were so close to punch him in… his beautiful face.

“I’m sor-….” started the older brother, interrupting your trail of thoughts.  

“No, don’t apologize Eli, I’m perfectly fine, okay?” and now Charlie was laughing his ass off at the scene, you looked at him in disbelief, before a laugh started to build in your chest, until you couldn’t resist and let it out, you realized you could relax a bit, it was harmless teasing. Your eyes wandered on the face of Charlie who was still laughing, the warm light of the fire was highlighting his tanned skin, his dark hair were smoothed back neatly, he had some kind of elegance, the one you liked at least. When the laughs died down, the conversation went back to seriousness. Charlie was laying down on his back, legs crossed, looking at the fire

“So, what did he do this Herman Warm?” asked Eli while finishing to eat his plate.

“He stole something from the commodore” you answered.

“Don’t you find this weird, all these people stupid enough to steal from such a dangerous man? How can they rob him in the first place? We know the commodore is a prudent man”  

“Prudence has nothing to do with it, he’s man doing business all over the country, even overseas, he can’t be everywhere at the same time, it’s logical that he gets persecuted” explained Charlie, you arched an eyebrow, ‘persecuted’ was a bit of a strong word for that.

“Persecuted?” repeated Eli

“Yeah…persecuted.”

“The commodore persecuted…” Eli was thinking, it didn’t seem right to use this word.

“How do you call that huh? When a man is forced to protect his fortune with people like us, how do you call that?” retorted Charlie as he sat back.

“Not persecuted” replied Eli

“Wait, you’re not going to start catching me with every word now, what’s the matter? You’re vexed? You’re vexed because I’m the one leading the operations huh? If it’s that just tell me but stop niggling” Charlie was starting to lose patience, he was so quick to anger.  

“I’m not niggling, you’re just using a strange word and I’m tellin’ you” answered Eli on a calm tone, unphased.

“Oh, c’mon boys, are you really gonna fight over a word!?” you grumbled exasperated. Charlie groaned in return and went to lie down on his side, like a pouting child. You shook your head; they could be truly insufferable sometimes, you lied down too, putting your covers up to your chin, hiding a knife under your saddle that used as a pillow; your eyes traveled to Eli, he had a piece of red clothing in his hands, it looked like a scarf, he brought it to his face, inhaling its scent, you smiled soften, probably a gift from the woman he loved; then he lied down putting his hand on his gun which was shining under the light of the fire; was he always doing that? Or was it because of your presence? Nonetheless, the both of you were armed in case someone decided to go crazy…but quickly exhaustion took over and you fell asleep.

The next day you rode again, although the atmosphere was a lot more relaxed, the three of you were talking, making the road seem less long.

“Tell me, isn’t it Emilia Partridge?” asked Charlie with interest, his brother looked at him clueless.

“What are you talking about?” he asked

“Isn’t it the teacher who gave this ridiculous scarf? The one you spend your time folding and unfolding secretly every night.” you rolled your eyes at this; did he really have to bother him like that?

“It’s called a stole… can’t we have some privacy for 5 minutes?”

“Leave him alone Charlie; Eli I think it’s very romantic of her…” you commented, trying to avoid another argument.

“Thank you Y/N”

“Oh, come it’s just a little teasing sweetheart… do you have a plan with her?” asked Charlie, this time he was serious, no joke was intended.

“A plan?”

“Start a family, have children, marry her, something like that.” Charlie clarified.

“Don’t know, why are you so interested in it now?”

“I was just wondering about family…do you remember how dad was with mom?” well you didn’t expect to hear a private conversation like this, you looked in the opposite direction, pretending not to hear anything.  

“Yeah Charlie, I remember”

“It makes you think… aren’t you afraid to reproduce yourself? you aware that our father was crazy and that his rotten blood runs in our veins” you frowned, it was a very dark thing to say.

“Our father was drinking Charlie.”

“Touché. It’s the gift he left us, this rotten blood, that’s why we’re good at what we do.” he finished, going ahead, to be alone for a bit, it seemed he had been very affected by his father’s behavior.

“Is he alright?” you couldn’t help but ask to his brother who sighed in return.

“It’s complicated but since…he has never been the same.” briefly explained Eli, he didn’t want to say too much and you understood, just like your relationship with your family, none of you were ready to share the full story; when you’ll know each other better perhaps.

In the afternoon you finally reached the next town, it was small but it had everything necessary, with your companions you headed to the post office in the shop.

“Sisters. S.I.S.T.E.R.S like sisters” spelled Charlie, the man seemed to recognize them, suddenly aware to whom he was talking to.

“No, nothing, I would remember.”

“Alright, no news is good news. What’s the next hamlet on the road?” asked Charlie

“Myrtle Creek…”

“How far is it?” you asked, then.

“Two days, at least” you sighed there was still a long way to go, you didn’t like riding for days like that.

“Alright then, we’ll stay here for the night.” declared Charlie.

The three of you decided to do a little bit of shopping in this shop, you went to look for a bottle of Cologne, your current bottle was almost empty. You were never wearing makeup, except for special occasions, however, perfume is something you loved. Nearby was Eli, he was looking through the shelves for something interesting to buy, until it stopped in front of  a tooth brush, he looked at the object curiously, he probably didn’t know what it was, it was relatively a new body care item, which reminded you that you should buy another box of powder before it gets empty.

“What is it?” he wondered out loud.

“A tooth brush, with it, your mouth smells good and you have less risk to lose your teeth, I use it all the time! You use this powder too; you should buy one…” you explained to him with a smile.

“Hey, do you have boots?” you heard Charlie ask to the seller, you turned your head to see him wearing a white shirt, seemed like he really like elegant clothes, you quickly turned your head back as he caught you staring at him.

“And for your brother as well.” you advised Eli, before heading to the clothes too, this summer was really hot, you needed new shirts and underwear too. You picked a dark red shirt and two black, should be enough for the whole travel, then you went to the lady’s part for underwear, you took a couple of short panties, easier to wear when riding a horse and even more as you constantly wore pants. Then, your eyes traveled to the bras, here you could enjoy a bit of fantasy, there was even some French lingerie available, they were really good at making pretty things for women; now which one to pick? You wondered.  

“You should take this one.” you jumped at the voice of Charlie; he had approached you silently, he had a small smile and his eyes were mischievous.

“What are you doing here? I don’t remember asking for your opinion.” you retorted annoyed; he chuckled and left without a word, you looked at him leaving, he was so clingy! You looked back at the lingerie, your eyes landing on the one he had suggested, you felt blush coming to your cheeks.

Afterwards, you went to get a room by yourself, the town was small there was no risk of losing the two brothers. You sighed happily as let yourself fall on the mattress, there was nothing like the soft comfort and warmth of a real bed. Your mind traveled to Charlie, he was such a mysterious guy and what happened with his father for him to have such negative view of life as a couple? You took a short nap and after eating at the hotel, you weren´t tired, you felt like staying out for a bit, so you decided to go for a drink at the saloon even if at this time night you might encounter more drunk people than anyone else, worst case scenarios it will end up in a fist fight and you didn’t want to brag but you were good at it. As you entered the saloon, you noticed Charlie drinking at the bar with some men, you headed to an empty table to have your drink peacefully.

“Thanks” you said to the waitress as she gave you a glass of whiskey, you settled your feet on another chair, took a book out of your vest, it was one you had brought from home, Moby Dick, you knew it by heart after reading it over and over and still you always enjoyed it as much.

“Hey…” you raised your eyes from the page you were reading, Charlie had just sat at your table, the way he leaned on his arms indicated he was already very drunk.

“You should go to bed Charlie.” you advised him, going back to your reading.

“Nah I’m not tired…”  

“Hmmm” you hummed doubtfully, if he wasn’t hangover tomorrow either he had a very good tolerance to alcohol or he was lucky.

“Y/N” you ignored him trying to focus on your book “Y/N I want to tell you something…” you sighed, closing your book in frustration, it seems he won’t let you alone tonight.

“What Charlie?” you asked irritatingly.  

“Don’t be angry at me…I don’t like it…” he muttered on a pleading tone like a child. You couldn’t help but release a smile, he was really cute like that.  

“I wanted to tell you…you are a very beautiful lady and…”

“Good evening miss, can I buy you a drink?” interrupted a man as he came accompanied by some of his friend, they were all looking at you with lust in their eyes, shit, this wasn’t going to end well…

“Thanks, but I’m not interested.”  you replied annoyed by those constant interruptions.

“Then, maybe you want to get to the most interesting part?” flirted another guy, you rolled your eyes.

“Wait, what did you say asshole?” growled Charlie on a deadly tone, lifting his head to look at the guys in the eyes, he had fire in his, rage even.

“Charlie stay out of this; I don’t need your h-….”  

“Don’t you dare lay your hands on her!” he exploded, suddenly getting up, the tension quickly rising up between the men.

“Come one man…” tried to calm one of the guys, until Charlie drew out his gun and loudly putting it on the table, everyone started to run out in fear, Charlie Sisters was known to be a very good shooter; trying not to stumble, he followed them outside and once outside he started to shoot “Where are you going!?” he yelled.

“Godamnit….” you grumbled; did he really have to that?!  

“C’mon nobody wants to fight Charlie Sisters?! You won’t have her unless you get me first!” you had heard enough, you got out of your chair angrily, you arrived behind him, “nobody really?” he turned as if he was going to shoot until he recognized you.

“Oh, it’s you…I…” you didn’t let him finish and slapped him in the face, he had drunk so much alcohol that he fell heavily on the floor.

“Don’t you dare do that again! I can handle myself; I don’t need your protection and I certainly do not belong to you Charlie Sisters!” you fumed, crouching down next to him. He had lifted his hand on the cheek you had slapped, he wore an expression of hurt on his face. Which had for effect to instantly dissipate your fury.  

“Come on let’s get you back to your room” you sighed, feeling pity for him, you helped him back up, putting his arm over your shoulder while you put yours around his waist. The worst part was probably climbing the stairs, he always fell down, his full weight making you fall too. You finally managed to arrive at his and Eli’s bedroom, as you opened the door you realized that Eli was awake, probably due to the gunshots. You lied down Charlie on the mattress.

“I’m sorry…Y/N forgive me…” he started to apologize, struggling to keep his eyes open.

“It’s okay Charlie, sleep now.” you replied on a soft tone to sooth him, he tried to catch your hand but missed it as his head was spinning.  

“Stay with me…” he asked you, you did your best to hide your surprise.

“Goodnight Charlie, goodnight Eli” you saluted them both before heading to your room. You were not as tired as you expected to be but there was nothing else to do here, an empty saloon without music and people chatting was uninteresting to you. And Charlie’s behavior had you thinking, the way he had flirted with you, how possessive he got a few minutes ago, was it only because you were a woman? was there any risk he tried something while you slept? Or was it his usual way of acting around women? And he was so inclined to anger and violence, what happened to him? This question was more present in your mind each day. You sighed as you finished washing your body, the trip to get to Morris was going to be interesting.  

The next morning

“Can he hold the saddle?” you asked Eli as you watched Charlie struggling to get on his horse.

“Yes. I. Can.” grumbled Charlie as he finally managed to get on his horse. You sighed; you had several hours of lateness due to Charlie’s state, if it kept going like this, you were going to have several days of lateness. Today, the ride was silent, Charlie was half asleep while Eli seemed truly fed up by his brother attitude, you speed a bit your horse to arrive next to Eli.

“Hey, is he always drinking this much?” you asked with a hint of worry, Eli sighed.

“Yeah…Charlie has a drinking problem…” he admitted, looking down at his hands.

“Is it because of your father?”

“In a sense I guess; he started drinking after…what happened. To forget or…I don’t know…”

“I understand.” you answered, you knew the family could wound deeply.

“You do?”

“Opium for a bit. I… was addicted to it because of my bad situation with my family; until I realized it wouldn’t make my life any better.” you confessed, embarrassment surging back.

“I’m sorry to hear that Y/N…Charlie doesn’t understand it, he doesn’t fight it, he just let it happen as if he didn’t care about dying” explained Eli in a low voice with a hint of sadness ‘probably because there’s nothing worth of interest in his life, not even his brother’ you thought sadly. You were pushed out of your thoughts by the sound of something falling, both you and Eli turned your head to realize Charlie had fell of his horse.  

“Oh Charlie…” you stopped your horse and got off to help the man back up, Eli followed you.

“Shit, make an effort.” grumbled Eli annoyed.

“Wait…” started Charlie before bending down to throw up, you turned your face away, feeling a bit of anger at his state, he shouldn’t drink this much, he was going to kill himself or it could also lead to failure of the job.

“Come on man, hold on to us” you instructed him as got back up, Eli went to support his other side, then his brother pushed him on the saddle.

“Don’t judge me please sweetheart, there are days where we are stronger than others…” Charlie muttered as he leaned forward on his horse, you took his foot and placed it in the stirrup while Eli did the same on the other and went back to his horse. You stayed a bit longer and placed your hand on his thigh as an encouragement, you couldn’t help but feel bad for him. To this, he turned a bit his head to meet your eyes, he was exhausted, emotionally, you hoped he saw that you understood how he could feel.  

Two days after, you had arrived in Myrtle Creek, you simply rested a few hours there, just the time to wash yourselves and Charlie didn’t need to get drunk again. You and Charlie grew accustomed to each other, he wasn’t on the defensive anymore with you. You had 4 days lateness behind them now, and if you were going fast enough, you could get to this Herman in Jacksonville. The locals indicated you a shorter path through the mountains, making you gain 2 days, the way was hard, and the weather wasn’t helping, there was mist and it was humid. So, you were glad when you settled in for the night, a nice fire could only help, but first you had to change your shirt, it was damp and you needed to put a warmer one for the night in those mountains. So, you got up, staying close to the fire so you wouldn’t get too cold and took off your shirt.

“Oh, sorry! I’m going to give you some privacy.” Eli exclaimed as he turned his back to you, you chuckled amused at how prudish he was.

“No worries Eli, it’s just underwear nothing shocking.” you commented with a grin.

“Perhaps not to you but for a man like me…”

“Shshhhhhh let her Eli!” scolded Charlie throwing a cloth at his brother, he wasn’t going to complain, on the contrary, he was looking at you, shamelessly detailing your curves, it was a very pleasant sight for him apparently.

“Oh, you bought the one I recommended you in the end.” he grinned; you looked down at your bra, ‘shit’ you had forgotten about that.

“Yes, I did, you have good taste” you played as if you didn’t care about his comment, however you could hide the blush coming to your cheeks.  

“Indeed…suits you veryyy well…” he purred, his eyes caressing the curves of your body, he could feel heat coming to the lower part of his body; you actually felt flattered he was so interested in you, although it might just be carnal, at least that’s what you told yourself. You put your new shirt on and gave him an annoyed look. His eyes didn’t leave you for the rest of the evening, you simply ignored him, as long as he wasn’t touching you, you were fine with it.

That night you were the last one to go to sleep, you were on guard, it was the mountains there could be a bear or puma around. Suddenly you heard the sounds of crying, you frowned, who was crying? Eli who was trying to sleep, straighten up and looked at you, which meant Charlie crying, you gave him a confused look with a hint of worry, so he got up went to his little brother to comfort him, it seems he was crying while sleeping.  

“Charlie, Charlie…” he said softly, caressing his brother’s forehead.

“Booo!” exclaimed Charlie, you rolled your eyes, it was a prank.

“You idiot…” cursed Eli.

“I thought you were gonna kiss me!” joked Charlie between laughers then he made kissing noises and you lost it, that was a funny one.  

“Fuck you, the both of you.” grumbled Eli as he got back under covers.

“Good one Charlie.” you complimented as you laughed.

“Thank you, my lady!” replied Charlie on exaggeratedly courteous tone. Eli finished by joining your giggles. This moment made you fall asleep with a smile on your face, you were truly starting to appreciate your partners.

“Eli, wake up” you called the man as you packed your belongings.

“I don’t feel so good…” he murmured, you quickly came to his side and saw that his face was swollen.

“Charlie…” you called as worry grew in your chest.

“What? Oh shit, you should see your face, what happened?” asked Charlie trying to hide his worry.

“He probably got stung by something, a spider maybe” you deduced.

“It’s all swollen, your neck too…you look like, you know those big mutts, the Mastiffs.” he joked, chuckling a bit, you pinched your lips together trying not to laugh.

“Fuck off I’m sick.” your fun instantly stopped; it was a serious matter.

“Here sit up” instructed Charlie as he gave his brother his flask of water, Eli was shaking like a leaf.

“Can you ride your horse?” asked the younger one as he got up to continue preparing the horses.

“It’s freezing…” muttered Eli shaking, laying down once again to warm up under the covers. Worry grew even more in your chest, either it was going to pass or it was going to get worse. You went to talk to Charlie about it.

“Hey, Charlie.”

“What?”

“I’m not sure this is a good idea, he should rest…” you tried but he cut you off.

“We can’t afford that, we’re already late.” you sighed frustrated you wanted to tell him that if he didn’t get drunk, you wouldn’t be so late, but you knew this would only make him pissed and on the defensive, that would only hurt the already fragile team cohesion. You were pushed out of your thoughts by Charlie’s hand on your arm, it was the first time he touched you, you didn’t know why but it made you feel strange, it wasn’t unpleasant, it just sent tingles all over your body.

“Hey, don’t worry for him sweetheart, he’s strong.” he reassured you before heading to his brother and help him up.  

To make things worse, the weather got terrible, it was raining heavily the whole day and there was thunder too, the terrain was getting dangerous and slippery, and the horses were very nervous, you often looked behind you at Eli, he could barely ride his horse, from times to times you called him to make sure he was still responding. After several hours, the horses were getting tired of climbing the mountain in such conditions, you suggested Charlie to stop for the night, and thankfully he agreed. Under the rain you helped him build a shelter with a tarp while Eli was leaning against a tree, struggling not to fall. Then his brother came to help him lie down under the shelter, putting covers on him.  

You were sitting down not far away, looking around, watching over the camp. Charlie came to sit down next you.  

“I’m tired Charlie…” you heard Eli.

“I know.” his brother answered, this time his tone was gentle, caring.

“Very tired…”

“You can sleep, I’m here.” added Charlie softly; this seemed to instantly relax his brother who fell asleep within a few seconds, you were alone with Charlie now, not that you minded, you enjoyed his company, his goofiness when he was in the mood for it.

“If you need to rest, I can watch other the camp.” you offered to Charlie.

“It’s fine, I’m not tired for now.” he replied on the same tone. You didn’t speak for the following hour, busy with your own thoughts. However, after one more hour, you started to feel cold, the humidity was so high, you felt like you were soaked to the bones, it started with shivers and then you couldn’t hide your chattering teeth and sniffles. Charlie turned his head to look at you.

“Are you okay?” he asked you, a slight frown forming on his face.

“Just…fucking cold…” you confessed your voice trembling.

“Come here.” offered Charlie lifting his cover up and putting his arm around your shoulder

“What are you doing?” you demanded, suddenly feeling suspicious, he rolled his eyes at your reaction.

“Listen sweetheart, if you wanna freeze to death that’s your own problem, I’m just offering you to get warmer” he explained in an annoyed tone; to be honest you weren’t against a bit of warmth, so you scooted closer to him, your shoulder against his, he rearranged the cover you had around the both of you.

“Here that’s better.” he said out loud, and it felt nice, the warmth was gently starting to wrap around you, it was so agreeable that your eyelids started to feel heavy, your head falling forward, you were struggling to stay awake.

“You can sleep, I’ll watch over you.” offered Charlie, his voice was soft almost caring. You didn’t need to hear more and under the fatigue, without thinking, you laid your head on his collarbone, his arm around your shoulder could only encourage you to lean against him. As you fell asleep you didn’t notice him turning his head to look at you asleep against him, he could fully admire the delicate features of your face, gently he stroked your arm with his thumb. It felt very nice to hold you, he actually wished he could do it more, he liked your presence, it was soothing…

What was that noise? You wondered in the middle of the night, you groggily opened your eyes, it was still the night but the horses were agitated, feeling more awake you realized something was wrong, Charlie had fallen asleep too, his head resting against yours; then you heard grunts ‘shit a bear’ you realized. You had to wake up Charlie too, you could hear the animal getting closer, it probably wanted to eat the horses. As silently as possible you tried to wake him up. You lifted your head and your hand went to his cheek, gently tapping it.

“Charlie wake up, wake up!” you murmured a few inches from his face, his eyes finally shot open, you quickly put your hand over his mouth so he wouldn’t talk too loud, he looked at you expectantly, he was surprised to have his face so close to yours, you mouthed ‘bear’ to him and he instantly understood and nodded at you, you took off your hand from his face and reached for your gun, just like him. Silently you both got up and tried to distinguish in the dark where was the animal, until you heard one of the horses scream, it was attacking them, you both ran towards the horses and saw its shape, Charlie shot first, wounding the animal in the shoulder then the side, you briefly saw the giant teeth of the animal and shot, the animal fell down, lifeless, you had managed to aim for the head. You and Charlie were panting, the adrenaline pumping through your veins, you went to calm down the horse, the one of Eli was wounded at the face, the animal was probably going to lose the use of its left eye and maybe its life if the wound gets infected. Once you had cleaned the wound, you went back to where you had been sleeping, you realized that Eli didn’t even react, he was in a very deep sleep. However, you knew you will stay awake until daylight, just like Charlie.

The atmosphere got suddenly awkward as you met Charlie’s eyes, you were both aware you had slept snuggled against the other, and you wanted to go back in his warm embrace but it would be…weird. So, you got back to your place, leaving a few inches between you and Charlie, wrapping your own cover around you, he did the same, staying silent.

“You okay?” you still asked him without looking at him, ‘he could have been wounded by the animal’ you thought.

“Hm? Oh yeah…yeah, fine.” he replied awkwardly, and that was it, you stayed this way until the morning, you had convinced Charlie to wait a bit to wake up Eli, until he couldn’t wait more, and he was right, you had to leave. As you prepared breakfast, from the corner of your eyes, you saw Charlie take off his shirt, laying it down on a tree branch to make it dry a bit under the rays of the Sun, you redirected your attention to the meal, it was just a torso, why did it distract you?  

“It’s ready.” you announced out loud, serving the food in Charlie’s plate, he came to stand in front of you, of course he was still shirtless, you stared at him, detailing his torso, he was well built, especially his arms, and he had a little tummy, which honestly kinda made you fall for him.

“It’s just a torso, nothing shocking.” he teased you with a smirk, making you realize you had been staring, pronouncing the exact words you had used before; blush creeped on your cheeks as you gave him his plate, why where were you so distracted by anything he did or said suddenly?!  

“Thanks…for waking me up.” he spoke, you finally looked at him in the eyes, they were glowing with…affection? No, he was merely being thankful, fatigue was playing with your mind. Thankfully, Eli broke out the awkwardness by waking up, coughing blood, his face wasn’t swollen anymore, you were relieved he felt better.  

“Feeling better?” asked his brother, Eli he got up and noticed, the giant bear.

“What happened?” he asked dumbfounded.

“Well, this guy came into our camp during the night, your horse got wounded, it rushed on your horse.” Eli rushed to check on his horse.

“It’s Y/N who woke me up.” added Charlie as he ate his plate.

“I heard the horses getting scared, trying to break free.” you explained, feeling sorry for his horse.

“Shitty night…” muttered Charlie, it was true, you didn’t get much sleep, but the beginning of the night was nice, at least for you…snuggled against him…

“I dreamt about dad last night…” said Eli with a tired voice.

“Damnit that’s the icing on the cake! I’m tired of this place.” growled Charlie suddenly angry. “It smells like death, everything is soaked, fuck…let’s go”.

You quickly left the place, eager to reach Jacksonville and sleep in a dry and warm place. Of course, when you reached the city, there was no time to rest, the priority was to get to Morris and Herman.

“So, how do we operate for Warm?” asked Eli

“As usual, Morris give us Warm and we finish the job” replied Charlie as he loaded his gun.

“Ready?” he asked looking at his brother, then at you, you nodded fastening your belt around your hips.

“Watch the back, and you Y/N you wait the main entrance in case he tries to run away.” he instructed, you want to place yourself at the entrance, looking all around for any suspects, your hand on your gun, ready to shoot.

“They’re not here!” you heard Charlie scream; your eyes widened at the news.

“What!?” you exclaimed, how’s that possible!

“They left the town 4 days ago! Fuck!” fumed Charlie. You joined him upstairs, Morris had left a note, which Charlie asked you to read, as he didn’t how to read.

“He’s lying” you commented, this all story of he ran away from me was too easy.

“Who the hell is he kidding!? This asshole, who the hell is he kidding!?” exploded Charlie, passing a hand through his hair. He headed to the bar downstairs.

“We should continue until Mayfield, that’s part of the contract” you advised determined to do your job.

“She’s right and fuck, the job is to kill Warm wherever he is!” answered Charlie frustrated, he was right, otherwise none of you would get paid.

“Don’t speak so loud” warned his brother and he was right, who knows if they had partners here in the bar.

“I don’t give a fuck where they are, we find him and shoot him” insisted Charlie as he drank his whisky.

“When are we gonna go home?” asked Eli, he was tired of running after Herman, it left you a bit confused, it was part of the job, why was he undedicated to his job?  

“We will go home, once the job is finished Eli” replied Charlie irritated

“Charlie´s right, it´s a matter of reputation, we have to finish the job whatever it takes.” you supported him.  

“I feel like they’re getting farther and farther from us…how much time did we stay in the forest?” wondered Eli out loud.

“Between your notorious bad luck and your illness, we didn’t save time, that for sure.” you almost choked on your drink and went to sip your drink a few feet from them, you knew they were going to argue.

“What? Say that again? You’re saying it’s my fault!?” started the older brother.

“Yeah kinda, no?” asked innocentely Charlie, was he actually serious or did he just pretend?

“Want me to talk about how you got drunk over and over!? Huh? That doesn’t waste time huh! the days when you can’t even hold your saddle anymore or the other morning where you vomited on yourself! My bad luck, fuck you Charlie!” denounced Eli, that was a nasty shot, but the truth nonetheless, the two brothers separate, leaving you alone in the saloon. You finished your drink and decided to go after the younger brother, you found him in a back alley nearby, smoking a cigarette.  

“Hey Charlie.”

“What!” he snapped when his eyes landed on you, he seemed to calm down a bit.

“I know how it feels…” you started softly, he scoffed, exhaling the smoke in his lungs.

“When we drown ourselves in alcohol or drugs because of our families…”

“I doubt you know anything about it” he sneered.

“I became addicted to opium because of them. But then I realize it won´t change what happened and stopping this shit helped me to feel better.” you explained truthfully, hoping to make him react.

“What just because you wanted to live like a man?” this comment hurt you more than you expected, he didn´t have the right to say that, he didn´t what they did to you. You clenched your jaw, swallowing back tears that had formed in your eyes and turned on your heels to leave, you needed another drink after all.  

“Fuck, Y/N I’m sorry” he called you softly, you turned your head and gave him a sad smile, shaking your head, he will never learn to let himself be vulnerable.

“Forget it.” you told him as you left him, it will make him think.

The very same day you left for Mayfield, you ‘ll only spend one night camping and the day after you should arrive in Mayfield. The ride was silent, you and Eli were angry at Charlie for his condescending attitude. Eventually in the evening the two brothers started to talk to each other again, but you didn´t speak to Charlie, he had hurt your feelings when you thought you could open up to him and in return, he would accept your help. Still, Charlie tried to talk to you several times to break the ice. But it didn´t work you were decided to make him think about it the whole night.

As the morning came. Charlie was the first awake, he had had a shitty night, turning over and over in his bunk. He didn´t like when you didn’t pay attention to him, when you refused to talk to him; he had thought about it and had realized he had assumed what you had been through, now he wanted to make it up to you. So, he started to make breakfast, to the smell Eli started to wake up, as for you, you were still asleep. So slowly, he approached you to wake you up, he picked a long herb on the floor, crouching down in front of you and started to tickle your nose with the herb, he had a playful grin. Eli smiled because he knew his brother was starting to have feelings for you, still he warned him:  

“Charlie…don’t be silly, remember what she…”

You wake up startled and out of reflex punch him in the face, you didn’t expect to find a man so close to you while you were sleeping.

“Ow fuck!” he growled in pain, you realized too late you had strongly punched him in the nose, even though he kinda deserved it after yesterday.

“What were you doing so close to me Charlie!? I warned you Charlie, since the first day!” you panicked, now you were feeling more sorry than angry, you had punched him without thinking, and now his nose was bleeding.

“I was waking you up gently!” he explained as if his feelings were hurt;  did he really?  

“Apologize to Y/N, Charlie” said Eli to his brother, Charlie looked at his brother with wide eyes, a funny betrayed expression on his face.

“What? I’m the one with a bleeding nose here! I was being nice!” he protested.

“It will teach me to want to be nice to you! Fuck.” he mumbled, angrily leaving to go to the river, to clean away the blood from his face.  

His brother gave you a look like ‘you should go see him’, you rolled your eyes and went after Charlie. You found him crouched down on the bank of the river, trying to wash away the blood but he hissed as his fingers touched a bit to roughly his nose. He didn´t look at you as you crouched down next to him, you took out of your pocket a handkerchief you had, dampening it in the cool water, then gently you took his chin between your fingers, making him turn his head to look at you, his eyes didn´t meet yours, he was embarrassed about yesterday; very gently you started to clean away the blood from his face, your thumb sometimes brushing against his lips, under the pretext of getting rid of the blood, you could shamelessly look at his face, there was no point in denying that he was a beautiful man and you knew that in there somewhere, there was also a sweet and caring man, you had briefly seen if before.

“I´m sorry, about yesterday…I spoke without thinking” he apologized softly.

“I know, but it still hurt.” you replied focusing yourself on cleaning away the blood.

“Sometimes I wish I didn´t drink, but…it feels good you know?” he finally confessed; he was looking at you in the eyes now, he had this look, just like a child wanting to be understood.    

“I know, but you also know that each time it is a brief relief and that´s why you start again and again but trust me there are some things in this world that could bring you peace.” you had finished cleaning the blood away but your hand remained on his cheek, your thumb gently stroking it, Charlie swallowed down, his eyes traveling to your lips.

“Like what?” his question barely coming out as a whisper as brought his face closer to yours. You wanted to kiss him, you realized just now that you had fallen in love with him; so, you leaned in, his lips were now only a few inches from yours…  

“Hey! We should go!” you both jumped at the calling of Eli, now you were blaming him for interrupting you, you turned to Charlie but he was already up.

“He´s right we´re already late enough.”  he said like nothing had happened, avoiding your gaze once again, you wished he said something like ´I care about you’ or ´we´ll take about this later´ or just a simple touch on your arm, but nothing, he headed back to the camp without looking back at you.  

“Well done, Eli…” you muttered as you passed next to him.

“What did I do?” he asked dumbfounded, then he saw the look on your face, how you looked at Charlie “Oh, I interrupted something didn´t I?” you lowered your looking at the reigns of your horse.

“Sorry” he apologized, you lifted your hand in the air, indicating him that he didn’t do it on purpose.

You finally arrived in Mayfield at the end of the day, the ride had been better than you had thought, the Sun was warm and a cool breeze was blowing.  

“You think this guy came here because it’s called Mayfield? Or is it called Mayfield since he’s here?” asked Eli impressed by how, the name was on every door.

“I think this guy is so arrogant that he named the city after himself” you commented looking around.

“Yeah, maybe everything here belongs to him” added Charlie.

“Yeah we can see his name everywhere” observed his brother.

The three of you entered the bar, you leaned your back against the counter, your elbows resting on it as you looked at the people around.  

“Hi, we’re looking for a guy named Warm, small, tanned skin, he might have come here a few days ago” inquired the older brother.

“I don’t know sir” answered shyly the barman.

“Oh really, and a man, tall, dark hair, in his forty’s?” insisted Charlie.

“I don’t know sir; I don’t want to be involved in this…” replied the man with fear in his eyes.

“Oh, you don’t wanna be involved in this…give us whisky” snarled Charlie irritated.  

“Regular or Mayfield?” you turned your head, arching an eyebrow at the barman.

“Really?” you asked, boy this Mayfield was narcissistic.

“Regular. A bottle, three glasses.” clarified Charlie. From the corner of your eyes you saw a very tall woman approach.

“I heard you’re looking for someone, usually people come to me to know what’s going on” Charlie laughed in disbelief at the tall women before him.

“And you are?” you asked intrigued taking a sip of your drink.

“Mayfield” you fully turned to the woman; Eli took his hat off.

“Hey sweetheart, looks like you have another female living like you” replied Charlie sarcastically, you threw him an annoyed look.

“My partners and I are looking for Herman Warm, a small man, tanned skin, we think he came here 5 o 6 days ago” repeated Charlie, the woman seemed to think for a bit.  

“Warm? No, never seen him” you sighed, they have to be somewhere, they didn’t disappear like that.

“Is he a friend of yours?” she asked, you and Charlie scoffed.

“He owes our employer, the commodore, in Oregon city…we’re the Sisters brothers and Y/N.” he bragged, you rolled your eyes, he should be more careful, you didn’t who’s this Mayfield, maybe a very powerful woman with hundreds of henchmen at her service.

“Delighted gentlemen, how much time are you staying here?” you squinted your eyes at this question, she was very curious, even if she was the one in charge of the town.

“Well it depends…” started Charlie, you were already late enough, didn’t need to stay here for more time.  

“We leave tomorrow, at dawn” Eli took the words right out of your mouth.

“It depends.” repeated Charlie as he saluted the prostitutes upstairs. You frowned, was he really considering their services after your almost-kiss a few hours ago?! You followed them upstairs, you were probably overreacting.  

“What’s wrong with you? Telling every about your life, the commodore, the Sisters brothers.” scolded Eli

“Oh, come on, didn’t you see how the lady was honored to see us? And I like to see if our reputation precedes us. Unlike you brother, I’m proud of what I do.” you sighed soundly; Charlie was starting to seriously annoy you.

“Pffff”  

“Pfffff what does that mean?” asked Charlie to his brother ready to fight back.

“It means I know what’s gonna happen tonight, you’re gonna drink like crazy and tomorrow you’ll hella sick” Eli was right, you should be already on your horses.

“You forget one small detail, I’m gonna fuck like a rabbit!” declared excitedly Charlie before continuing his way up, Eli didn´t say anything but he looked at you confused. You clenched your jaw when you heard this.

“Another damn day…” you muttered irritatingly, unless he had been speaking about you which you were pretty sure he wasn´t…  

“Don’t pay attention to him lady’s, he’s old and boring!” flirted Charlie with the prostitutes, god you were so furious at him.

As you expected, it was barely dark outside that Charlie was already drinking, surrounded by a bunch of women. You sighed, leaning against the counter next to Eli.

“I don’t trust this Mayfield, there’s something weird” you spoke, she had a weird attitude.

“You think? What I think is that Charlie better not mess up cause they’re all armed in here.” answered Eli, you scoffed before taking a sip of your drink.  

“I couldn’t care less right now…” you muttered, anger in your voice.

“I thought you liked h-…oh, is it because of the girls?” you didn’t answer but you clenched your jaw at the thought of him with these women.

“He’s an idiot.” you released a smile, that he was…

You refused to go near Charlie in the following hours, you were angry at him, you thought there was something between the two of you, bullshit.  

“Hey bro! Joining the party? Where are you going?” you could tell by his voice that Charlie state of drunkenness was already quite advanced, from the corner of your eyes you saw Eli go to a woman, then away upstairs; now you were all by yourself, like you had been your whole life…

Then, you saw Charlie, go upstairs with two girls, you couldn’t hold it anymore and angrily left the saloon, you needed some fresh air, you were having trouble to breath, angry tears were now running down your cheeks. You decided to go for a walk in the town, you needed to clear your mind. You settled on the stairs of the house, and plunged into your mind for several minutes, an hour maybe. Until your eyes got distracted by several man, they were heading to the saloon, they didn’t look like they were here to party, they were armed, something was wrong, and you felt like it had to do with your job, you had to go tell the brothers. But several of them were posted at the entrance of the saloon, you couldn’t take them all by yourself, you needed to help the brothers to get out if they realize what’s happening, you went to hide in a back alley, a fired a shot in the direction, the distraction was working, half of them came in your direction, you could handle that, and you hoped the two brothers would get out safely.  

You hid in the dark as you heard the men approach, you took them down one after the other with your hunting knife, the others couldn’t hear the gun shots. At the same moment you jumped as you heard gunshots being fired, a full fight was happening, you had to join them and help them, as you reached the place, you saw one man running out which you instantly shot dead, at the same moment came out the two brothers, you sighed in relief, they were alive.

“Only arriving now? Where were you?” asked Charlie condescending.  

“Fuck you Charlie.” you snapped, you were not in the mood for his goofiness or whatever that was.

“Woa, woa! You better have a good reason to speak to me this way” he threatened, taking a few steps towards you.

“I will when you’ll stop being a drunkard and an asshole!” you snapped back, he made an insulted face.

“Now what?! What did I do to piss you off?”

“Don´t pretend you don´t know what happened, sweetheart” you sneered, imitating his flirty tone.

“Oh, come one, get a room you two!” interrupted Eli, starting to be really annoyed by your fight.

“Stop saying bullshit Eli!” snapped back Charlie, pointing his finger at him.

“Yeah, who would want to sleep with you anyway, apart from prostitutes… I’m out of this, you can keep my salary” you let out, you were fed up by his attitude.

Charlie watched you go away; he blinked a few times no fully realizing what was happening.  

“Good riddance” he grumbled as he struggled to keep his balance.    

“Charlie, go talk to her.” advised his brother.

“But…” Charlie started to protest.

“Come on, stop acting like a child, I see how you look at her and you know very well it’s mutual; you have a wonderful woman ready to love you and you’re letting her go…she might be your only chance of happiness, don’t miss it Charlie…”

Charlie passed a hand through his hair, he was having a hard time to think, he wanted to continue his job and do whatever he wanted, but you had been so different from the women he met, you had appeased his soul better than any harlot or alcohol…he had to get you back, keep you close to him. He gave one last look to his brother “get Mayfield and wait for us” he instructed before heading in the direction you had went.

You didn´t go far, you had entered in a barn and were sitting on a bunch of straw, you were angry, close to tears, why did you think he could ever feel something for you? You shook your head; you should have never…

“Y/N?” you looked at Charlie, he had managed to find you, why was he coming after you anyway?

“What do you want?” you asked meeting his eyes, he looked less drunk right now.  

“I came to apologize…” he started, you scoffed

“You ´ll have to do more than that this time Charlie.” you got up angrily, you came closer to him, honestly you were so close to beat his ass right now.  

“You want to flirt with me? Fine but don´t pretend to care about me.” admitting openly how you felt. He blinked, not expecting to hear those words; you could bear to look at him right now, you had to go away but he caught you by the arm.

“I do care about you” he admitted, this revelation struck you, but you didn’t want to believe it, surely, he was joking again.  

“Let go of me” you threatened

“Or what?” he challenged suddenly yanking your arm and pinning you to the wall, his arms on each side of your face to block you, your heartbeat increased.

“Careful Charlie, you don´t know what you´re dealing with…” you warned him, reading to fight him

“But I want to!” he replied, you opened and close your mouth several times.

“What?” you asked him confused.

“I want to… I want you to be with me, I want to take care of you just like you do for me.” he clarified; you were still wary but hope started to again to build in your chest.

“Then why did you go to these women?” he sighed, shaking his head, looking away.

“Because… despite how I feel about you, I have my father´s blood running through my veins, he…he was a monster Y/N…”  

“But you have also your mother´s and from what I´ve heard she´s a good person” you rested your hand on his chest.

“Yes, she´s a saint…but it doesn’t mean I´m a good man” he said seriously as if it was a warning, his eyes finally went back to you, you chuckled, your hand coming to the back of his neck.

“Who said I wanted a good man.” you replied with a smirk, forcefully grabbing his hair before crashing your lips on his, he growled at the contact, one of his hands grabbing your back, his tongue quickly came to tease yours, meeting yours in a passionate battle, he tasted like whisky. Then, his mouth started to trail kisses down your jaw then your neck, sucking, nibbling the most sensitive areas which made you moan, how you had longed for this…

“Fuck me” you breathed in his ear, you didn’t have the patience tonight, you wanted him. Right now. He chuckled against your throat.  

“Your wish is my command sweetheart.” he purred, sending shivers down your spine, increasing the heat between your legs. Your hand went to unbutton his shirt, you were finally touching his warm skin, the one you had longed for during the past days.  

Then, you slid your hand between his skin and his shirt until they arrived on his back, where your fingers slowly went down, sliding under the fabric of his pants and undergarment, grabbing his ass, you smirked as he groaned under your touch.  He captured your mouth once again, you lifted one leg, trying not to fall as you took off your boots, Charlie helping you, his mouth never leaving yours, then his hand traveled to your lower belly, caressing your spot through the clothes, your arched your body under this teasing touch, you wanted so much more, apparently he wasn´t the only one who couldn´t hold any longer. His fingers were busy unbuttoning your pants, with a gesture of his hand he let your pants and panties slide along your legs, you freed your ankles from them, you quickly unbuttoned his pants, you fingers shaking with arousal, then your hand finding his hard manhood, eagerly stroking it, a needy moan escaped his lips, he couldn´t take it anymore, he grabbed the back of your thighs, encouraging you to wrap your legs around his hips, which you did, holding tight on his shoulders, your back pressed against the wall, then in one sharp thrust he entered you, making you whimper with hunger, his thrust quickly became faster and faster, you were moaning scratching his back as you hold tighter under his rough thrusts, and he groaned pleased at the sounds of pleasure he was getting out of you, until you came, his seed filling your inside.  

He rested his forehead against your collarbone, you placed tender kisses on his temple and his hair then slowly pushed himself out of you, then let go of your legs, you still had to hold onto him, your legs were shaking; Charlie was panting, he lifted his head, resting his left hand on the wall to support himself, his other hand came up to cup your jaw, he made eye contact with you, closing the gap between your lips in a passionate kiss, you closed your eyes at the sweet sensation. You wanted to stay right here, in his arms, but you knew important matters needed to be takin care of.

“Your brother is going to wonder where we are…and we have to make Mayfield pay” you murmured against his ear, gently biting his lobe, you felt teasing, reading for a second round, he chuckled, then his eyes met yours, danger in his eyes, he was thirsty for revenge.  

“Yeah, let’s kick her ass, sweetheart.”

Thanks for reading

I hope you liked it! And tell me if you’d like a part 2!!

Tag list: @lyoongx​ @weirdflecksbutok​ @skaravile​ @niniitah-ah @welcometomyhiddlesfandom​

[diningpageantry]

Defenseless

Archive Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17343617/chapters/40923134

Chapter 2/11 of Of Wealth and Leisure

Word Count: 2866

Summary: Dollhouses, swordfighting, and the inexplicable tension between the blades.

The children decided they wish to meet me.

This, apparently, is a great honor, as some of the servants told me. My imagination only went as far as to consider sitting in a room while being overwhelmed by a small cluster of tiny, louder versions of Mr. Grimm.

Right after lunch, two weeks after I’d arrived, I was told that I was to have a day with them that Saturday, and that they wished to spend all their time with me. There was quite a fuss over it, making sure I’d be best dressed and ready to handle a day’s worth of children running about. I was told what proper language to use, as well as how to address each of the children. It had the same degrading, bitter taste of my school years.

Mr. Pitch got quite a kick out of my training. As I sat in the library and got lectured on behavior in front of children as if I was a child myself, he just stood at the doorway and grinned triumphantly.

Part of me wishes that I’d gotten lectured back at my estate on how to address Mr. Pitch. No training was set for me to have a nemesis on these grounds, and surely not one of my hosts. Alas, he is anyway, sneering down upon me and marking barking commentary at his will. If I could count the times that I wished I could punch him, I would have to take up mathematics as a hobby. Granted, I’ve known since long ago that if a feud between our families were to break out, he and I would be facing one another until at least one of our ends. Lord David comments on it on the occasion that the Pitch family name is brought up, but I had never assumed our rivalry would start so soon after meeting him.

Soon following the lessons came the day that they wished to meet me. I was set to greet them at half past noon in the front parlor, where they would take me where they please. While I’d been told about each of them, no amount of training could have prepared me for their genuine personalities.

Something I’d learned after I’d grown older is children are still children, no matter what class. Rambunctious and loud, they are, and curious to no length. Thus, as they’re being brought in by their nanny, I’m immediately bombarded with high-pitched questions and bodies thrown at my feet.

“Sir Snow! Sir Snow!” one of the twins (I’m suspecting Annabell; I was told she’s the one with the shorter hair) cries happily, pulling on my pant let. The other twin grabs my hand (and I’ll assume this one is Mary, then), tugging me towards the centre of the room as she starts joining her sister’s chanting. The poor youngest one, the boy, is quite shy, sticking beside the nanny. Meanwhile, the fourth child, Mordelia, comes up to greet me.

“Mordelia,” she says shortly and politely, extending a hand. Clearly, she’s the most grown of the group; 10 years old and looking like an exact copy of her mother, just with dark hair of her father. The twins have the same blonde heads, but their face has a similar longness to their father’s. They’re both five, and as I’ve learned, Mary was born first. This leaves the three year old Benjamin, who’s too young to really relate fully to either parent, except for his eyes. They're the same piercing grey of his father and older brother.

I take Mordelia’s hand with the one not being dragged by Mary, shaking the older girl's hand briefly before we both drop grip. “Simon Snow,” I say, pausing slightly before turning my head and grinning over at Benjamin while waving. He simply holds their nanny tighter.

The twins keep tugging me in each direction until I settle a hand on each of their heads, ruffling their hair. “Hello to both of you two.” They stop trying to pull me around, peering up and giggling as they look back at each other.

The nanny walks Benjamin over as Mordelia crosses her arms, looking me up and down curiously as I kneel down to say hello.

“Well, Sir Snow,” the young girl says confidently as I take Benjamin’s hand, grinning at him then peering up at her. Despite having her mother’s face, she has the same quirking brow as her brother. I’m starting to worry there’s a bit more in common in those two than I’d care to interact with. “We’ve been told you’re good with a sword. Is that right?”

“I’d like to say it is,” I chuckle politely, letting Benjamin hold my fingers comfortably.

Mordelia nods curtly, a smirk growing on her face. “Do you think you could show us?”

My jaw, in an undignified fashion, falls open as I being to rethink my answer. With an unsure glance to the nanny, who simply raises her brows at me as if to say it’s my answer, I gulp down and shrug. It isn’t the brightest idea to bring swords into a room with children, but if they wish to… “Perhaps just with you before tea.”

She squints at me, nose wrinkling as she stares me down before nodding again. “Okay. Fair.”

The twins take that as their opportunity to pester for more.

“Would you like to come to the playroom, Sir Snow?” Annabell asks. “We can show you the toys!”

“I’d be delighted,” I say graciously, relieved that there’s a safer option of participation with these children over weaponry. In a blink, the two of them rush off towards what I’ll assume is the playroom, followed by Mordelia’s confident swaying walk. Their nanny shakes her head towards them, smiling and bowing her head to me as I stand. Benjamin doesn’t let go, so I don’t shoo him off either.

Their nanny nods her head, “Come along, I’ll show you.”

We take a slow-paced walk towards the room, as Benjamin is suddenly glued to my side and walking at the speed of a snail. It’s quite endearing, really; it’s incredibly relieving to have a minute to collect my mind before being thrown back into the storm.

The three of us step into the room, greeted by the twins laughing over their dollhouse while Mordelia comfortably sits in a rocking chair, playing with an abacus. The brain on that child already terrifies me.

Once again, I’m dragged off by the twins, getting me play along in their dollhouse. I allow Benjamin to sit upon my lap, crossing my legs so he has a proper seat as I follow along. The girls have quite an active imagination, telling me a whole story that I’m told to join in the actions. Apparently, dolls can have affairs.

Why five year olds know what affairs are is beyond me, but it’s quite humorous to listen to.

Three o’clock chimes and their nanny interrupts us, smiling down upon the girls as Benjamin yawns in my lap. Must be their nap time.

“Say good day to Sir Snow,” she muses, taking their hands as they haul themselves up to stand. In unison, they say good day to me. The nanny picks Benjamin up right from my lap, nodding to me before leading the few off to their chambers.

Of course, Mordelia is quick to pester me.

“Are you going to show me how to sword fight now, Sir Snow?” She’s grinning as I turn, nose upright in the air. I grab onto the nearby stool, standing myself up and dusting my hands despite there being no debris. As I’m standing, she’s already dashing to my side and tugging on my hand to lead her off.

I reluctantly nod, exhaling slowly. “Yes, of course,” I say, attempting to make make my voice soft. She smiles, pulling my hand again until I start walking.

She’s practically two steps ahead of me at all times, leading me along to the bottom floor. We make a stop in the armoury, where I pick up two fencing swords as well as a proper one. Forgoing the outfits seems only right, as there only seems to be one for the older members of the family and guests. We continue on from there, heading out towards the back, open yard. A few servants rush out with us, clearing off a table and a few chairs as I take off my jacket and set it aside.

I pass Mordelia a fencing sword, the one with the bluntest tip, as I carefully hold the other. She beams at me, testing a wave or two with it before poking my chest.

“What is there to do with this? She asks, raising a damned brow at me before poking my chest again.

“Well,” I begin, taking a step back and resting my left arm behind my back. “With quite simple motions.” I show her an easier movement, letting her try a few times before we step close enough to have our swords clash.

She follows through, hitting her’s against mine in defense before squealing gleefully. After a few more waves, she demands to be shown the next few movements.

We go through a few brief yet helpful movements, leading to her laugh happily with each success.

“Oh Sir Snow, you must give me more lessons this summer!” She beams, clashing her sword into mine.

“Sir Snow giving you lessons?” taunts a hauntingly familiar voice, stepping out of the house. Our heads turn in unison to face Mr. Pitch as he unsheathes a sword and cocks a brow at me. “Come now, Mordelia, why have Sir Snow teach you when I could do it anytime?”

“Because he knows what he’s doing,” she snuffs, briefly sticking a tongue at her half brother.

He snorts in return, maintaining the dreadful look of superiority towards me. “I bet I could beat Sir Snow in a sword fight any day.”

Mordelia shoves her nose up more at Mr. Pitch. “I’d like to see you try.”

I smirk a bit, biting my bottom lip and nodding my head up to the Pitch boy. “I think I would too.”

He hums at the challenge, rubbing his chin and doing a once over of me. I truly wish he didn’t do that; with each glance, I feel more and more like I’m being observed by a ruthless judge. It’s like nobody’s stared at me before, or no other opinion has been present before his. It sets my skin ablaze.

“Alright, Snow,” he mocks, lip upturning to a smirk as his sword waves. “Try me.”

I swap out my fencing sword for the proper one, weighing it a bit in my hand. It feels quite different than my typical one; too heavy at the hand, and overly decorative there too, It’ll do, though. I doubt Mr. Pitch will allow me to run off to grab my own, at this point.

Mordelia huffs. “Can I join..?”

“No, this it too dangerous,” Mr. Pitch says sharply, cleaning his blade with a handkerchief. She grimaces at that, pouting and looking at me. I shrug and nod towards Mr. Pitch when he’s not looking, making a mocked snooty face for his sister. After going back to grinning, she exclaims that she’s going to go off and do something more interesting before running back inside.

Mr. Pitch raises his sword as I watch the door swing back shut, clearing his throat pointedly as he stands in a quite proper position. “Best two of three, Snow?”

“Sir Snow,” I remind, following in suit. “May I remind which of us is knighted.”

He smirks. “Doesn’t tell skill,” he mocks before jumping into the fight, swinging at me gracefully.

We clash a good few times, but the handle weight gets the best of me and makes my hand dip a bit, leaving me unguarded and allowing Mr. Pitch to sneak in with a quick, gentle tap to my chest.

I glare at his laughing response, playing with the blade in my hand. “It’s heavy-handled,” I complain, getting back into a fighting position and rolling my shoulders. He just laughs harder, stretching his neck before settling into position and staring down onto me.

“A good fighter should always know how to fight, no matter who’s sword he’s holding,” he jabs, hitting his blade against mine in a properly loud clank of metals.

We fall in step with each other, dancing about the space for a minute or so. His moves are ridiculously fluid, as if he were an acrobat taking a swing at fighting as well. Nevertheless, he has enough applicable skill and coordination to fight back to a decent, yet not perfect, level. It doesn’t take forever before I find my in and gently prod the dull tip of my blade at his chest. He sneers at my win.

“Two of three,” he bitterly reminds, pausing the match to step aside and remove his waistcoat as well. I watch as his shirt flows in the  early summer wind, arm sweeping over his sweat gleaming forehead. It’s transfixing; he looks like he belongs in a marble carving, or as a fine oil painting depicting the Ancient Greek Gods living among us powerless men. Of all, he'd be Hades, and I suppose that makes me Ares.

He catches my eyes and, at first, seems taken back before his lip tugs into a smug smile. I snap out of it, glaring at him and giving my sword a quick roll in the hand. “Two of three,” I answer, leaping back into the loud, aggressive clashing of our swords. We draw closer this time, fighting more into personal space as our blades scrape.

I can feel his breath puffing as my skin drips away beads of my sweat. “You fight like you’ve never had to,” I grit, trying to force him off my sword as they clash and stay together. He pulls back, stepping away as he glances over me briefly.

“Your hits are like your mind,” he snaps back, taking a swing at me. I hit back as he raises a brow and finishes. “Dull.”

I glare back and take a few more aggressive swipes at him as I huff out another insult. “If you had to fight for a courtship, expect the other suitor to win.” Crash. “Never get into a fight with an army--” clank “--because you’ll be dead in seconds.” Scrape. “What are you, a ballerina?”

He smirks as I say my last word and takes my moment of mockery as an opportunity, leaping forward and jabbing his weak blade at my chest. It rests there painlessly as my jaw hangs open in frustration over his actions. He simply grins and slowly drags the blade up, letting it fall onto the bare skin of my neck. My Adam's apple bobs as I swallow, feeling the cold metal trail upwards and touch the bottom of my chin. It lifts, my gaze keeping upon his as I stare through my eyelashes.

My breath stays ragged, eyes pointing daggers at his as my chest heaves.

“Careful Snow,” He whispers, stepping closer and lifting the sword with him so that my head stays tilted up to him. We’re within breathing space again and I can feel his body heat radiating off of him in shocking, flame-like licks. “Might want to keep your wits about you on these grounds. It’s not your precious safety net anymore.”

His sword drops to his side, but my chin doesn’t dare to move as we keep eye contact for an extended minute, panting the same air aggressively towards each other. I feel something close in on my chest--his palm--and then I feel a soft shove. Stumbling back, I watch as Mr. Pitch keeps his daunting smirk as he saunters off, practice sword in hand. His arm reaches out and nonchalantly grabs his waistcoat off the side of a chair as he steps back inside the house.

My hand flies up absentmindedly to the spot he’d just had his, gasping at the cloth and skin he’d just held. Mind racing and breath still barely catching, I stumble toward my suit jacket and the left fencing sword while not breaking my attention with the door he’d just left through.

In all my years of fighting, the fights never ended as so. It makes me mull over it, grabbing at meaning and trying to define what we’d just done.

I skip tea graciously, changing into less sweat-penetrated clothes and take a late afternoon stroll through the garden to clear my head before dinner.

We don’t look at each other while we eat, nor do we look as we part that evening.

As I’m dipping my quill into my ink pot, eyes watching the shadows of the flame dance upon the tabletop, I continue to get lost within the moment we’d held. It latches onto the front of my brain, spinning around and dipping into all my known knowledge.

What does this mean?

I stare at my paper, hand quivering in the slightest before the ink touches down onto it, scrawling out a quick message.

“Mr. Pitch and I are deeper enemies than what was previously anticipated.”

[imagine-loki]

Irked

Title: Irked

Author: lokilover9 Chapter: #23 Rating:Teen

Shandi heard the sliding glass door, saw Loki strut towards the pools diving board and laughed when zoning in on his arse. “Where did you get those, the local sex shop?” ‘What the fuck? There goes my rogue tongue again today.’

Loki stopped and cleared his throat. “I beg your pardon? First we have the ‘doubt of daddy’s identity’ statement in public, now you freely reveal knowledge of a local sex shop. One ‘I’ your spouse, was unaware existed until this moment. Just exactly what kind of woman did I marry, Elizabeth?”

Shandi smirked. “One with secrets.”

“Is that so?” ‘Minx. What are you hiding?’ “Perhaps one day, you’ll share a few.” He dove in and resurfaced nearby. “Until then, I’ve other news.”

Tony initially brushed it off when Shamus’s sons, common law wife’s, surname rang an odd bell. Until bolting from sleep at four am, yelling at Jarvis to call Phil. Several years prior, Obadiah had spoken of reconnecting with an older half brother, from his mother. The siblings eventually had a falling out, but genius Stark remembered the man’s surname. Shamus’s sons wife was that half brothers daughter, confirming a definite link between Shamus and Obadiah. S.H.I.E.L.D. was already watching the couple like hawks, hoping for further leads.

“He must be ecstatic.” Said Shandi. “Are agents being sent here, too?”

“Only for the three day fair. Considering the towns size, Tony believes others spotted tailing any of the O'Donnell’s, risky. Especially with Tanya lurking about. She could inadvertently place Scott on our heels.”

“Great, now she’s a fly in the ointment.”

“Tonys more concerned about your safety than her interference.” Loki didn’t reveal Starks upset when learning of Tanya watching them, but reassured him of keeping Shandi safe.

“He’s become like a protective big brother to me. Like Nat has a sister.”

“Very nice.” ‘How amusing Pet, considering. And educational.’ Secretly aware of Nats true feelings, Shandis comment reinforced their one sidedness, this being her wish for Loki to perceive.

Upon returning from making herself another drink, Loki was doing an underwater lap towards the shallow end. Shandi jumped in merely feet ahead, making him resurface early, triumphantly smiled and gestured towards her stomach. “Tell me the real reason you didn’t previously reveal this option?”

“Alright.” He cooly replied. “However, first things first. Interrupt my laps, will you?” She squealed when he scooped her into his arms and failed an attempt escape. “I think not. Time for a good old fashioned splash and dunk!” Once out, he darted for the deep end and resurfaced again with her clinging to his shoulders.

“You Brat!”

“I wear the title, proudly.”

“Explanation?” She asked, wiping her eyes.

“Right. It’s no secret Tony would’ve preferred anyone but me, to portray Clifford. Assuming being forced to caused greater concern, I didn’t challenge his stipulations. Including your daytime swimming restriction.” Despite the short time Shandi remained in Loki’s arms, a problem began arising. ‘Disobedient cock alert. Think fast.’ He walked to the side and released her.

“Were you concerned I’d tell Tony?” She asked.

“Somewhat. I do understand everyone’s mistrust of me more than they’re aware. In particular, yours.” Loki rose from the water, returned with her drink and sat on the pools edge. “Had I suggested the illusion, you both may have further doubted my intentions for our mission. That must sound absurd, considering my most recent behavior.”

“It’s all good, you apologized.”

“Not for my actions prior to our mission. Do you recall how our conversation ended at the park the other day?”

Butterflies erupted in her stomach. “Yes.”

“When learning you wished to ask if Thor and I believed Midgardians inferior, it struck me how profound the question must be for you.”

“It is. Humans have been questioning life’s existence on other planets for millenniums. Suddenly you guys appear with abilities we’ve only dreamt of possessing and knowledge we’ve barely scratched the surface of. Can you blame us for having questions?”

“Not in the least, yet learning you purposely avoided me, struck harder. However, it’s no wonder as I’ve behaved like an ass since we met.”

‘Wut?’ “On many occasions, you have. I’m curious to know why Loki?”

“I’ve no reason or excuse and you did nothing to provoke or deserve it. The worst part is I caused discomfort in the very place one seeks it most. Where you live. For everything Shandi, I sincerely apologize and hope you may eventually see me in a different light.”

‘Holy shit, Nat was right.’ “That’s very decent of you to admit, Loki. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. It was long overdue, as is lunch. Care to dine on the deck? I can barbeque.” Before she replied, he abruptly stiffened with an ear to the fence, took her drink and offered his hands. “Come, quickly! Someone’s driving up the hill.” In seconds, they were inside, door locked and blinds closed. “Remain upstairs until I say otherwise.” He waited until she was out of sight, glanced out the front window and opened the door. “Next time, warn us people?”

Nat whacked him in the gut, stepping in. “Why Mr. Bradshaw, were you up to no good?”

Clint followed. “We did, Cactus.”

Shandi heard their voices and came down. “He’s right, I’ve a text. Both our phones were inside.”

“What’s with the oversized bathing suit?” Asked Nat.

Loki and Shandi eyed each other. “Long story, Kroshka. Let’s have some drinks and I’ll explain.”

“It’s nice you’ve a pool. That storm turned the Hudson muddy and we’re bored as fuck in that little cottage.”

“That’s the only reason you came?” Asked Shandi. “I say we toss them out, Clifford.”

Nat slapped her hard on the ass. “As if.”

“Bitch! That kinda stung.”

“Is it my fault your butts wet? Be grateful I forgot the paddle.” The guys quietly observed as Nat studied her for a moment. “You’ve been drinking coco.”

“Have not.”

“Liar.” Said Loki.

Shandi sighed. “Does your spouse often talk too much Mrs. Shriner?”

Clint had begun eyeing Loki’s trunks. “All you need are some aviator sunglasses, a thick cigar and you’d resemble a cheap porn star.”

Nat started for the kitchen. “Ya think, Mrs. Bradshaw?”

“Really though dude, what’s with the lips? You order those trunks from an online sex shop, for some reason?”

“No, but apparently there’s one in town which no doubt, my wife learned of through yours Gus.”

“Way to go, Ella. What did you break or run out of this time?”

“Not me, baby cakes. ‘We?’”

Clint grinned. “Oh yeah, that was fun.”

“What? And you laughed at me for…” Shandi froze, eyes widened at Nat from almost referencing her broken vibrators.

Loki gestured she continue. “Please wife, don’t leave us hanging.”

“Forrr…laughing because I’d never been to one.”

“You lied about going to Manhattan’s largest sex shop alone?” Asked Clint.

“No, she went too.” Nat smiled when Shandi gave her the stink eye. “Sorry, beautiful, I had to tell. He was out of town and went all pouty about it on skype.”

“I wasn’t pouty.” Said Clint.

Nat ignored him. “Don’t worry, I never mentioned your purchases.”

“What?! Because there weren’t any, remember? I only went to accompany you!”

A sly smile curled on Nats lips. “Okay true, but you did inspect a few things.”

“Imagine that.” Said Loki. “Two of earth’s finest super heroes, avidly exploring their perversions. Excellent blackmail material. Don’t you think Mr. Shriner?”

“Yeah, but I’d have to catch them first, Bradshaw.”

Shandi smirked, reaching for some glasses. “Ice for your drinks, people?”

“Sure darlin,’ you know it.”

Loki observed the rooms hubbub in silence. ‘A goal you shall never see to fruition, Clint. They were magnificent to behold, yet I send my condolences in silence. To love a woman and possess only a fragment of her heart is a cruelty none should endure.’ His hands rubbed together. “Right. Now that refreshments are settled, burgers anyone?”

Nat and surprisingly Clint were fine with Loki’s minor illusion and agreed Stark should remain oblivious. How Clint may respond to Loki and Shandis evolving affections was a conversation the ladies still needed to have. Nat learned just how much, when something peaked his curiosity. They’d come prepared, granted a welcome to stay overnight and brought their bag upstairs. So he’d behave, Nat had him change in the spare bedroom and her in Shandis. He waited at the hall window with a clear view of Loki tending the BBQ, as Shandi approached with some buns. She turned to leave, hesitated, then stood on her toes and kissed his cheek. Clint couldn’t hear her words, but the way they looked at each other and the smile on Loki’s face when she walked away, left him overly curious.

“You coming baby cakes, or admiring the forest?”

“Do you think he’s trying to seduce her?”

“What?”

“Shandi just kissed him.”

Nat played dumb. “Are you fucking kidding me? Like really kissed?”

“On the cheek, but still.”

“Interesting. They do seem to be getting along better which no doubt, makes living together easier.”

“He was warned the day we arrived, Nat.”

She stopped on the second step. “I know and Shandis not naive. I think you’re making something out of nothing. There’s a clean and heated pool outside with our names on it. Are you coming or not?”

Clint followed. “If he touches her, Tony will fucking kill him.”

After the kiss, Shandi had taken a moment to straighten and quickly tidy the cushions of two extra lounge chairs. She was heading back inside, a dustpan brush tucked beneath her arm, empty glass in hand and overheard Clints words when reaching the screen door. The glass smashed to the pavement as Nat appeared in view and to hide her discomfort, Shandi hastily squatted to pick up the pieces. Loki asked if she were alright as Nat and Clint went to her aid.

“Geez guys, I haven’t broken a limb, I…uh oh.” Blood rapidly dripped onto the ground from her left hand and Clint grabbed a dish towel as Nat helped her up. “Where’s your Bandaids, woman?”

“In my bathroom.”

“Go get cleaned up.” Said Clint. “I’ll deal with this.”

Nat closed the bedroom door. “We need to talk.”

Shandi ran cold water over the wound. “I heard Clints threat.”

“Oh beautiful. Is that why you dropped the glass?”

“Yeah.”

“He witnessed your kiss through the window.” Shandi revealed why it occurred and Nat smiled. “I told you Loki’s trying to make amends. I’ll tell Clint ASAP, but stay acting professional in his presence. Obviously he won’t accept anything that happens between you two.”

“Dammit Nat. If I’d have switched places with you, this never would’ve happened.”

“True, things could be worse.”

“How?”

“You’d keep liking Loki, but be even bitchier in his presence, unable to comprehend why the hell he didn’t like you.”

Shandi chuckled. “I suppose.”

“Stay put.”

“Where are you going?”

“To prevent Cactus being questioned, before I get to Cupid. Keep running water on that.”

“Hey, can you bring me another coco?” No response. “Guess not.”

With Clint in the main floor bathroom, Nat had a chance to approach Loki outside. “Listen I’ll explain why later, but keep things with Shandi more professional around him.”

His brow arched. “Alright.”

“And how’s your magic on hindering a bleed? Baby cakes and I need a few minutes alone.”

Loki found Shandi with her hand still beneath the tap. “Nat said you wanted another drink?”

“Hey, bonus.”

“Going down smoothly are they?”

She took an extended sip. “Yep. They’re so yummy.”

Loki smirked. “May I take a look?”

Nat lured Clint outside and fabricated the truth a little. “Don’t repeat this because I was told in confidence without even asking about the kiss.” She explained Loki’s apology and he was dumbfounded. “Shandi hadn’t an opportunity to thank him before we arrived and that’s what you witnessed, so relax.”

“Are you sure she was talking about Cactus?”

“Clint.”

“Okay, I’m relaxing.”

Loki finally made the bleeding stop and inspected the long and rather deep cut into the fatty tissue beneath her right pinky. “How did you manage this?”

“Lost my balance when squatting. Just my oafiness I guess.”

“Shandi. I only meant that to tease. Were you offended?”

“Nah, I kinda knew already. Friends used to say I’m like a bull in a china store.”

“I would disagree and argue your aim precise. Had I not possessed magic, I’d have gained some decent bruises from your book attack. Deservedly so, mind you.”

She smiled and indulged further in her drink. Loki believed it the reason she wasn’t experiencing pain.

“Fortunately, the wound is superficial. I can close it and temporarily numb any tenderness if you wish?”

“Really? Wow, yes please.”

“Understand that doesn’t mean it’s healed, so you’ll need to keep it clean and bandaged.”

“Does this mean I can’t go back in the pool again today?”

He smiled at her pout. “I can solve that problem too.” When done, he magicked a waterproof glove onto her hand that matched the pattern on his shorts.

Shandi eyed it and cackled. “Oh lord.” Then she finished her drink. “Thanks Loki.”

“No problem. Come, your burger is getting cold.”

Upon spotting Nat and Clint outside, Shandi darted out the door and waved her gloved hand on her way to the pool. “Look guys! Now I’m a cheap porn star too!” She jumped in and everyone laughed.

Nat then quietly addressed Loki. “How many cocos and mango has she had?”

“Three.”

They all observed Shandi attempt the backstroke and roll onto her side.

“On an empty stomach?”

“You knew?”

Loki noticed Clint smirking as Nat replied. “Yes. No more until she eats.”

“Why not?”

“Does the word handful mean anything to you?”

“Should it?”

Nat and Clint replied in unison. “Yes.”

Shandi stepped out of the pool. “Yes, to what guys?”

“Lunch. Aren’t you hungry?” Asked Clint.

Nat stiffened as Shandi plunked herself into her lap, squeezed her hair over her tits and grinned. “Yep. I could eat.”

‘Not her you won’t, Pet.’ “I’ll get right on it.” Said Loki. Clint offered help and he accepted.

Once they were inside Shandi pinched her cheek. “He kissed me today and damn it was hot.”

Nat covered her mouth. “Shhh. What did we just talk about?” She drew her hand away when Shandi bit her finger. “Beautiful.”

“What?”

“Clint can’t know.”

Shandi devilishly smiled. “About us or Loki?”

“Neither, now keep your voice down and please get off before I can’t feel my legs?”

“I’d like to get off.” Shandi whispered. “Until I fuck Loki, why don’t you take me upstairs and make me?”

Nat made her sit on another chair. “Enjoy the sun a minute. I need another drink.”

“Me too, Natskies.”

“Sure thing.” ‘Fuck, woman. Of all the times for coco to bring out your inner slut.’ She closed the kitchen door. “Give me something. Anything.” Clint held up a jar of pickles and Nat gave him a look. “Think again and she needs a virgin on the rocks.” She grabbed a plate of sliced vegetables off the island and left.

“Dare I ask, Cupid?”

Plates in hand, he went for the door. “It means straight mango juice and ice.”

“Easy enough, hang on. Why the avid concern of Shandi indulging in coco?”

Clint stepped out and winked. “Just keep her away from the pickles.”

That comment made Loki devise a plan. He’d keep a watchful eye over everyone this evening, eavesdrop on his guests conversations as previously intended and assure they had much to drink. Especially Clint. Sleep would undoubtedly claim him first and with Shandis intake easy to monitor, her second. That would leave him and Nat whom he presently eyed. “Hopefully the explanation behind Shandi and those pickles isn’t too outlandish, Kroshka. Regardless, we will talk. We will definitely talk.”

[moonlitgleek]

Say Joanna lives and Tywin dies instead, how does that change things? Would Joanna as regent for the twins go with the double betrothal? Would the twins grow up healthy and happy? Tyrion? Elia?

Note that all of our knowledge about the double betrothal comes from Oberyn who certainly was not privy to whatever correspondence actually happened between Joanna and the Princess of Dorne. The Princess told Oberyn some parts and he filled in the blanks of the story with his observations and deductions, making him not the most accurate source of info. Here’s what Oberyn said about the double betrothal:

“Such a clever dwarf. Elia and I were older, to be sure. Your brother and sister could not have been more than eight or nine. Still, a difference of five or six years is little enough. And there was an empty cabin on our ship, a very nice cabin, such as might be kept for a person of high birth. As if it were intended that we take someone back to Sunspear. A young page, perhaps. Or a companion for Elia. Your lady mother meant to betroth Jaime to my sister, or Cersei to me. Perhaps both.”

Perhaps both. The wording makes it clear that this part is Oberyn’s conclusion and not something his mother explicitly told him. The fact that he was speaking of Joanna’s intentions is an enough tell of how accurate this information is, because Oberyn is not an authority on Joanna Lannister, neither was he privy to what she might or might not wanted.

Personally, I think Oberyn is wrong and that a double betrothal was never in the works. The idea of a double betrothal makes absolutely no sense from a dynastic standpoint, and I refuse to believe that the Joanna simply did not care about dynastic advantages. The political atmosphere of Westeros had been turbulent for years at the time and we’ve seen how the reign of Aegon V and the War of the Ninepenny Kings heavily influenced the political landscape and bred awareness of the power the lords of the realm have and how it could be consolidated into a power bloc against the crown. Joanna was not a political novice; she spent some years at court as lady-in-waiting to then-Princess, later Queen Rhaella and was the trusted confidante of the Hand of the King. She was well aware of the shifting landscape and conscious of the need for alliances, especially as Tywin’s relationship with Aerys was becoming increasingly frazzled. Joanna also lived through the misrule of Lord Tytos and knew how attentive Tywin was to asserting and consolidating the power of House Lannister. In that context, it’s hard to see Joanna planning for a double betrothal to the Martell siblings considering it unnecessarily wastes the potential of a marriage alliance with another powerful family. Besides, Joanna knew Tywin and so she certainly knew how difficult it would be to convince him of one betrothal to the Martells considering Dorne’s significant economic and military disadvantage compared to other more politically powerful families. To think she thought that she could convince him of two does not ring true to me at all. No, I sincerely doubt that a double betrothal was ever in the works, regardless of what Oberyn might think.

But that raises the question of which betrothal Joanna had in mind, which is relevant to the answer of your question. While the order in which Oberyn told Tyrion the betrothals were proposed in OTL (Cersei\Oberyn then Elia\Jaime) could indicate her preference, we simply have no way of knowing if this was the actual order the Princess proposed them in. Indeed Oberyns flipped the order around over the course of the conversation with Tyrion as seen in the above quote. It could be argued that that was the correct order of the suggested betrothals because the rejection of Elia as a bride for Jaime came with the “insult” of offering Tyrion instead, which certainly would make the Princess of Dorne far less prone to suggest another match to the man who just insulted her, whereas the refusal of Oberyn as a husband to Cersei did not come with an insult, despite how brusque Tywin was. But even if that was the correct order, was that the Princess’ own initiative? Or did she and Joanna previously agree on Cersei\Oberyn as the preferable or the more-likely-for-Joanna-to-convince-Tywin-of option? We just don’t know. We have no idea what the extent of Joanna’s involvement in how things played out was or even if she and the Princess agreed on a match rather it being a general idea of betrothing a Lannister to a Martell. Whatever theory anyone has is only conjecture based on minimal information but I fell down the rabbit hole thinking about this so why not make you suffer through it? Under a cut because no one has ever accused me of being brief.

The main point that we need to examine before we come up with any theory is Joanna’s motivation to arrange the betrothal. Here’s what we know: a maid at Casterly Rock caught Jaime and Cersei experimenting sexually sometime before Tyrion’s birth and the Martells’ visit. She notified Joanna who took measures to separate the twins by changing the location of Jaime’s room and appointing a guard on Cersei’s, and threatened the twins that she’d tell Tywin if they repeat whatever they were doing. If Oberyn’s info is accurate, there was some form of correspondence between Joanna and the Princess of Dorne around that time in which they plotted to have one of the twins betrothed to one of the Martell siblings. Oberyn noted the presence of a nice cabin meant for someone of high birth prepared on their ship, meaning that the plan was for whichever Lannister was getting betrothed to a Martell to return with them to Sunspear to foster as part of the betrothal agreement, which falls in line with Joanna’s attempt to separate the twins and ensure they cease their sexual contact.

If we accept that the betrothal is linked to one of the twins being sent away, this could suggest that the twin in question was Cersei. Girls don’t get fostered in Westeros unless it is a part of a betrothal agreement or a hostage situation\attempt to settle bad blood between two families, as evidenced by the low number of fostered girls we hear about compared to the boys, and how pretty much all of them were either sent away as a part of a betrothal agreement, or as a hostage for their family’s good behavior, or a mix of the two. Comparatively, in the case of Jaime, there was simply no reason for Joanna to go to the trouble of arranging a betrothal so she could send him away. Fosterage is a common practice for boys and so Joanna did not need a betrothal as a pretext for sending Jaime to serve as a page in Dorne. In fact, if a betrothal to Elia was to happen, it’d be more common for Elia to foster at Casterly Rock instead of Jaime going to Dorne. Actually, a betrothal to Elia would make it extremely unlikely for Jaime to be fostered in Dorne since this runs the chance of him becoming too attached and sympathetic to his wife’s family and later lavishing offices and honors on them, something that neither Tywin nor Joanna would be willing to risk, especially in light of recent history. The ghost of Ellyn Reyne and how she “made it rain inside the Rock all year” by filling the Rock with her kin, and later used House Lannister’s gold to elevate her house, had not yet left the Rock, and it definitely had not left Tywin or Joanna.

A deeper examination of what Jaime being fostered in Dorne would mean further proves how improbable it is that it was him that Joanna planned to send away. First of all, it’s hard to think that Joanna was under any illusion that Tywin would agree to sending his heir, the future of his house and a main part of his vision for the legacy and future of House Lannister, to Dorne of all places. Second, Joanna was no novice when it came to politics, she knew the importance of political image and the possible consequences of it deteriorating as she lived through the dwindling of Lannister name and power under Lord Tytos. She definitely knew that a boy’s fosterage could influence his image in the eyes of his future vassals (hence Aegon V being considered “half a peasant” because he spent time with the smallfolk over the course of his squiring for Ser Duncan the Tall). Jaime being fostered in Dorne runsthe risk of him being dubbed too-Dornish by his future vassals, especially if he showed favor to House Martell or picked up the Dornish fighting style. And that’s without talking about how choosing House Martell of all the noble houses in the Westerlands and Westeros would raise more than a few eye brows considering the limited political advantages Dorne could offer, the difference in culture, and how deep the prejudice against Dorne runs.

And if Jaime could not be fostered in Dorne but the betrothal was for the purpose of sending one of the twins to foster there to ensure their separation and the end of their sexual experimentation, that means Cersei was the one meant for the betrothal.

But Cersei was meant for Rhaegar, as per Tywin. Joanna must have known that considering how close she and Tywin was, and she surely recognized that a Martell second son can not compare to the crown prince of the Seven Kingdoms. But maybe Joanna was not on board with Tywin’s plans for Cersei? Joanna suffered from public humiliation and repeated brazen sexual assault at Aerys’ hand, something that neither she nor Tywin could do anything about or had any way to stop except by avoiding being around Aerys completely. Indeed Joanna stayed the fuck away from the capital once she was dismissed from Queen Rhaella’s service because of Aerys’ sexual advances. Aerys had made his desire and obsession with Joanna quite clear, and it’s telling that the biggest rift between Tywin and Aerys was reported after Aerys resided in Casterly Rock for the better part of a year, in close proximity to Joanna. Since wedding Rhaegar puts Cersei, who inherited her mother’s beauty, in close proximity to that sexual predator, Joanna could very well have feared that Aerys would use her daughter as surrogate for her or that his obsession would transfer to Cersei, putting her in a horrifying and dangerous position. So perhaps she was not dead-set on Rhaegar as Cersei’s spouse as Tywin was and just wanted to keep her daughter away from Aerys.

(Though this still raises the question: why the Martells? Yes, Joanna and the Princess of Dorne were friends, but Joanna must have known that she’d have an uphill battle with Tywin to convince him of either betrothal. Dorne is not the best political match there is, and there were plenty of available heirs to Great Houses who made a far greater prize than Oberyn. Perhaps the answer lies with Aerys? His relationship with Tywin was on the rocks by 273 and he had taken measures to undermine his Hand and curb his power. His madness and paranoia were also growing in tandem with Rhaella’s miscarriages and cradle deaths. Aerys had the power to refuse any match Joanna and Tywin made for their children, and perhaps Joanna was concerned that they’d invite his paranoia if they went to one of the more powerful houses? Or that he’d refuse to allow the match if he felt it offered his Hand additional power? House Martell is a prestigious Great House but they have limited military and economic power and so they would not tempt the king into opposing a match between them and the Lannister just for the sake of denying Tywin power. Maybe?)

Holy wall of circumstantial evidence, huh? I know, but we simply have very limited knowledge of Joanna (*shakes fist at GRRM*) and only bits and pieces about the betrothal attempt so I’m basically throwing darts in the dark here.

Anyways, it only took me nearly 2000 words to get here but… now to your question.

If we assume that Tywin died sometime before Tyrion’s birth and the Princess of Dorne’s arrival (erm, some freak accident while he was coming down from King’s Landing to the Rock?), I reckon Joanna would make a betrothal between Cersei and Oberyn, though perhaps after more time have passed after Tywin’s death, as she’d still want to get the twins away from one another since continually having a guard on Cersei’s room is not practical and would eventually raise questions. She would also want to keep Jaime close so he could know his land and people and so he could be present when court is held and train under his uncles. I don’t think there is much of a chance that Joanna would agree to a betrothal between Elia and Jaime, even if we strip the fosterage element and everything else away, because in the wake of Tyrion’s birth and Tywin’s death, Joanna would be overly conscious of her choice in bride for Jaime. We can safely assume that she would not want to risk Jaime’s chances of having plenty of healthy (and able-bodied) children to carry on the family name and secure the inheritance. Elia’s health and age would be seen as a detriment to that considering that the mother’s health affects her chances in carrying a healthy baby to term.

Now if Joanna betroths Cersei to Oberyn and sends her to Dorne as a companion to Elia, how does that affect Cersei? Jaime, Tyrion, the political plot? It’s difficult to say because there are too many shifting pieces, and endless possibilities. For example, how would Cersei fare in Dorne under the tutelage of the Princess of Dorne? She was only 6 or 7 when Tyrion was born and so it’s the Princess who would control her education and largely shape her personality. She would not suffer the emotional abuse and the constant dismissal due to her gender that she suffered at Tywin’s hand and so she’d be remarkably more well-adjusted. Of course it’s not all sunshine and rainbows because she might resent the Princess for taking her away from her home, and Oberyn for being the reason it happened. And what about Oberyn? He was a teenager at the time of the visit to the Rock so would he be content to wait for his child bride to grow up or would he seek other women in the meantime?

Now the good new is: no valonqar prophecy hanging over Cersei. She would not live with the expectation that Tyrion will kill her and so she wouldn’t make it her personal mission to destroy him. And then we’d be talking about a completely different Cersei and a completely different plot.

Those changes also probably butterflies away the Lannister incest and so Jaime does not join the Kingsguard. Does he get betrothed to Lysa? If Elia marries Rhaegar in this timeline, do the Lannisters still stay out of the Rebellion since they’d be stuck between the royalists and the rebels, or would they choose a side? Now if the Battle of the Trident happens in this timeline and the royalists are defeated, chances are King’s Landing goes kaboom.

And Tyrion. I doubt he’d have the childhood he deserves even with Joanna surviving, though he would not be as horrifically abused as he was under Tywin. But the extent of what Joanna would allow him or how exactly she’d treat him is unknown. As is how the incident of Tysha would get exactly handled by Lord Jaime. Tyrion wouldn’t go through the brutal experience of Tysha’s and his rape in this timeline but Joanna would definitely still want Tysha punished but in what way? And what would Jaime allow? We just don’t know.

Possible ripple effects also include Rhaegar’s marriage to Elia. One of the main reasons Aerys chose Elia for Rhaegar in OTL was to limit Rhaegar’s power by ensuring he did not gain the support of a militarily powerful family that could support him against Aerys. But if Elia has the Lord of the Westerlands for a goodbrother, that means that wedding her would give Rhaegar the support of both Dorne and Casterly Rock. Would Aerys’ paranoia and suspicion of the Lannister cool off by Tywin’s death so that he allows it? What would his relationship with Joanna be like anyway? Would he try to force her to return to court? Could he ever reach the point of putting Rhaella aside and making Joanna marry him? Would he use Jaime against her by “honoring” him with the position of royal page or cupbearer to hold him as a hostage against Joanna?

We. Just. Don’t. Know. Pick your favorite fic idea, I guess.

[cedarrrun]

Ahimsa, or nonviolence, is one of yoga’s ethical principles. Explore its origins and how it might be interpreted and practiced in your everyday life.

Ahimsa in Sanskrit

When we hear about concepts like nonviolence, we often think of historical figures such as Mohandas Gandhi or Martin Luther King Jr. leading movements for peace in the face of oppression. Several articles mislabel Gandhi as a “father” of nonviolence, not aware that he was symbolically reclaiming India’s rights and identity from the British Raj by embodying what had long been integral to ancient Indian spiritual teachings: ahimsa.

Ahimsa, commonly referred to as “nonviolence” but more literally translated from Sanskrit as “absence of injury” is an ancient concept originating in the Vedas—Indian spiritual and philosophical wisdom dating from as far back as 1900 BCE, or nearly 4,000 years ago. The Vedas, approximately meaning “divine knowledge,” were considered authorless and were originally passed down in oral tradition for centuries. Four Vedas, which make up the Bhagavad Gita, were eventually compiled and written down in Sanskrit by a sage known as Vyasa. Another sage, Patanjali, is said to have studied these Vedic texts and developed what we know as the Yoga Sutra and the basis of classical yoga’s eight limbs.

See also The First Book of Yoga: The Enduring Influence of the Bhagavad Gita

Ahimsa is part of the first of the eight limbs known as yama, or practices of self-regulation designed to free us from being victims of our own human impulses. Yama practices are likened to cleaning techniques for our minds, bodies, and spirits that allow us to live more conscious, liberated lives. In addition to being a yama in yoga, ahimsa is also a foundational principle of Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism.

See also 10 Ways to Bring the Yamas + Niyamas Into Your Yoga Practice

Great leaders such as Gandhi lived by the teaching ahimsa parama dharma: “Nonviolence is our greatest walk of life.” But with our modern-day responsibilities and jobs, we may not live ahimsa as a sole way of life. Instead, there are ways we can live day to day that allow us to see the benefits of ahimsa in practice.

Witnessing Harm

The word “practice” implies something that takes work, time, and refining. Ahimsa as a practice of not injuring others might seem straightforward in theory: Of course I shouldn’t throw a tantrum if I don’t get my way. Of course I shouldn’t bully someone to get in front of them in line at the store. Of course I shouldn’t lie. We also recognize that this theory is often so much harder to put into practice—and maintain.

As I was writing at a coffee shop in New York City recently, three women came in and sat next to my table on what appeared to be a work break. They laughed as they shared comments on the weather and talked about their jobs and upcoming travel. Soon, one of the women said she had to get to a meeting and headed back to the office while the other two stayed behind, all of them waving and smiling. When she was out of sight, though, the remaining two women began talking poorly about the person who had just left. In a few minutes it went from a few whispered comments to bonding in laughter over criticisms between sips of coffee. What they didn’t realize was that the woman had left her cellphone behind and had run back into the coffee shop, overhearing the last jab. The pain from injurious words that flushed through each of their faces, minds, and bodies was palpable. Even as an observer, I felt it.

See also Nurture Ahimsa (Non-Harming) on the Mat

Inflicting injury does not only mean causing physical harm to other people. Words, tones, behaviors, and even our thoughts can turn into weapons if used destructively. In the Vedas, the ways of delivering harm are kayaka (“of the hand,” or physical actions), vācaka (“expressive,” or words), and manasika (“of the mind,” or thoughts).

Technically, no one was physically hurt in the coffee shop, but the injury through an expression of words—vācaka—led to what felt like physical pain. The women’s flushed cheeks almost looked like the mark of a physical slap or sickness, and the nausea in my stomach made me feel like I had been winded by a blow—kayaka. Based on the looks in their eyes, it was obvious that painful thoughts were coursing through their minds—manasika.

Though we can consider physical, word-based, or thought-based forms of harm as separate, we should understand that all of them are inextricably linked. And we can see that while the incident in the coffee shop was seemingly divided between inflictors of pain and a recipient of pain, it was everyone who suffered—both in the moment and beyond.

See also Deeper Meanings of 4 Common Sanskrit Words

It’s easy to assume that the moment of pain happened because the person being secretly ridiculed returned to the café. If she hadn’t come back, then she wouldn’t have found out, and no harm would have been done. But if we take the time to look deeply and mindfully into the experience, we’ll understand that when we inflict pain on others, we suffer ourselves, whether consciously or not, and perpetuate a cycle of hurt. If we live our lives by smiling and saying one thing, only to turn around and say or do the opposite, we also likely imagine a world where others are doing this to us. This contributes to ongoing insecurities and a defensiveness in relationships, which negatively impact our lives and those of our loved ones.

The ahimsa-based practices of pausing, looking ahead, empathizing, and choosing well move us closer to a stress-free life. If we have nothing to hide or regret and live that way as a practice, we live more simply and freely. This is yoga.

Interpretations of Ahimsa

As Gandhi said, “If one does not practice nonviolence in his personal relationships with others, he is vastly mistaken. Nonviolence, like charity, must begin at home.” Our homes and interpretations of ahimsa may look a little different from one another’s. The Vedas encourage honoring our own dharma, or path, as we follow principles such as ahimsa.

My mom and dad have always shown my sister and me that we coexist with all beings, including small ones. Bugs take care of weeds and pollinate our Earth. Birds feed on bugs and fish. We all contribute to the health of our planet. If we can show ahimsa by being kind to even the smallest creature—such as letting an insect outside instead of killing it—we start to see the world differently, through a much wider lens. Here, fellow yoga practitioners and teachers share their unique understandings of ahimsa:

Ahimsa Within Self

“I believe and try to teach that ahimsa is foundational in yoga in and of itself, but also is a foundational principle of the other four yamas. For example, with the yama satya, or truthfulness, truth is relative and embodies ahimsa: Be honest but not if it’s causing unnecessary pain or harm. Ask yourself, “Am I looking to speak my truth at any cost, or should I stop at the moment of possibly causing harm?” Another way ahimsa is practiced in the yoga community is by becoming vegan or vegetarian. While having a mostly vegetarian diet is good, going completely meat- and dairy-free doesn’t work for every individual. A kinder option is to teach people to discern what is best for their bodies and their health. And... not shame people for their choices.”—Sangeeta Vallabhan, a yoga teacher in New York City

Watch 10-Minute Ahimsa Yoga Sequence

Ahimsa Within Community

“Equally, we are all co-creators in a community of learning. I have learned to practice a Gandhian model of nonviolent classroom management that centers on equality and mutual respect. Each group of learners creates a list of expectations that we have for each other, and we emphasize that the teacher is one among all in this community. Students request things like ‘teachers and students should be fair and not have favorites.’ We all follow these guidelines and counsel each other as needed.” —Susanna Barkataki, Founder of Ignite Yoga

Ahimsa Within Collective Humanity

“Primum non nocere, or ‘First, do no harm.’ I grew up in a family of scientists. My mom is a plant pathologist-turned-pharmacologist, and I have an older brother whose disillusionment with the US health-care industry led him to take his MD and PhD to new frontiers and startups in the Bay Area. Perhaps because of these two, my relationship to ahimsa has been shaped by bioethics, medical ethics, and what today are known more generally as sustainability and public health. For example, I feel uncomfortable attending a yoga studio that sells exorbitantly overpriced swag, not only because it’s silly to think you need fancy pants to practice humility and self-awareness, but also because studies have shown that the athleisure industry is polluting our oceans. If what’s best for you ends up coming at a cost to the environment and someone else’s well-being, what you’re perpetuating is a culture of harm even if it’s sold to you with the feel-good rhetoric of ‘self-care.’”—Rumya S. Putcha, PhD, assistant professor of women’s and gender studies at the University of Georgia

When we see ahimsa in action, it keeps us in positive connection with ourselves and the world. I see ahimsa in a news story about an eight-year-old boy helping another eight-year-old boy with autism feel better on the first day of school. I see it when my neighbor helps his wife through illness with love or when I learn that a friend is organizing plastic cleanups on beaches. It’s there when I choose a nourishing meal to serve my body in the midst of a busy workday. Ahimsa is present and relevant to all, in each of our unique lives. Bringing awareness to it as a practice is key to its continuation and expansion. What is your understanding of ahimsa, and where do you see its positive impact in your life, community, and world?

See also Sanskrit 101: 4 Reasons Why Studying This Ancient Language Is Worth Your Time

About the author

Rina Deshpande is a teacher, writer, and researcher of yoga and mindfulness practices. Follow her at @rinathepoet and learn more at rinadeshpande.com.

[krisiunicornio]

Ahimsa, or nonviolence, is one of yoga’s ethical principles. Explore its origins and how it might be interpreted and practiced in your everyday life.

Ahimsa in Sanskrit

When we hear about concepts like nonviolence, we often think of historical figures such as Mohandas Gandhi or Martin Luther King Jr. leading movements for peace in the face of oppression. Several articles mislabel Gandhi as a “father” of nonviolence, not aware that he was symbolically reclaiming India’s rights and identity from the British Raj by embodying what had long been integral to ancient Indian spiritual teachings: ahimsa.

Ahimsa, commonly referred to as “nonviolence” but more literally translated from Sanskrit as “absence of injury” is an ancient concept originating in the Vedas—Indian spiritual and philosophical wisdom dating from as far back as 1900 BCE, or nearly 4,000 years ago. The Vedas, approximately meaning “divine knowledge,” were considered authorless and were originally passed down in oral tradition for centuries. Four Vedas, which make up the Bhagavad Gita, were eventually compiled and written down in Sanskrit by a sage known as Vyasa. Another sage, Patanjali, is said to have studied these Vedic texts and developed what we know as the Yoga Sutra and the basis of classical yoga’s eight limbs.

See also The First Book of Yoga: The Enduring Influence of the Bhagavad Gita

Ahimsa is part of the first of the eight limbs known as yama, or practices of self-regulation designed to free us from being victims of our own human impulses. Yama practices are likened to cleaning techniques for our minds, bodies, and spirits that allow us to live more conscious, liberated lives. In addition to being a yama in yoga, ahimsa is also a foundational principle of Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism.

See also 10 Ways to Bring the Yamas + Niyamas Into Your Yoga Practice

Great leaders such as Gandhi lived by the teaching ahimsa parama dharma: “Nonviolence is our greatest walk of life.” But with our modern-day responsibilities and jobs, we may not live ahimsa as a sole way of life. Instead, there are ways we can live day to day that allow us to see the benefits of ahimsa in practice.

Witnessing Harm

The word “practice” implies something that takes work, time, and refining. Ahimsa as a practice of not injuring others might seem straightforward in theory: Of course I shouldn’t throw a tantrum if I don’t get my way. Of course I shouldn’t bully someone to get in front of them in line at the store. Of course I shouldn’t lie. We also recognize that this theory is often so much harder to put into practice—and maintain.

As I was writing at a coffee shop in New York City recently, three women came in and sat next to my table on what appeared to be a work break. They laughed as they shared comments on the weather and talked about their jobs and upcoming travel. Soon, one of the women said she had to get to a meeting and headed back to the office while the other two stayed behind, all of them waving and smiling. When she was out of sight, though, the remaining two women began talking poorly about the person who had just left. In a few minutes it went from a few whispered comments to bonding in laughter over criticisms between sips of coffee. What they didn’t realize was that the woman had left her cellphone behind and had run back into the coffee shop, overhearing the last jab. The pain from injurious words that flushed through each of their faces, minds, and bodies was palpable. Even as an observer, I felt it.

See also Nurture Ahimsa (Non-Harming) on the Mat

Inflicting injury does not only mean causing physical harm to other people. Words, tones, behaviors, and even our thoughts can turn into weapons if used destructively. In the Vedas, the ways of delivering harm are kayaka (“of the hand,” or physical actions), vācaka (“expressive,” or words), and manasika (“of the mind,” or thoughts).

Technically, no one was physically hurt in the coffee shop, but the injury through an expression of words—vācaka—led to what felt like physical pain. The women’s flushed cheeks almost looked like the mark of a physical slap or sickness, and the nausea in my stomach made me feel like I had been winded by a blow—kayaka. Based on the looks in their eyes, it was obvious that painful thoughts were coursing through their minds—manasika.

Though we can consider physical, word-based, or thought-based forms of harm as separate, we should understand that all of them are inextricably linked. And we can see that while the incident in the coffee shop was seemingly divided between inflictors of pain and a recipient of pain, it was everyone who suffered—both in the moment and beyond.

See also Deeper Meanings of 4 Common Sanskrit Words

It’s easy to assume that the moment of pain happened because the person being secretly ridiculed returned to the café. If she hadn’t come back, then she wouldn’t have found out, and no harm would have been done. But if we take the time to look deeply and mindfully into the experience, we’ll understand that when we inflict pain on others, we suffer ourselves, whether consciously or not, and perpetuate a cycle of hurt. If we live our lives by smiling and saying one thing, only to turn around and say or do the opposite, we also likely imagine a world where others are doing this to us. This contributes to ongoing insecurities and a defensiveness in relationships, which negatively impact our lives and those of our loved ones.

The ahimsa-based practices of pausing, looking ahead, empathizing, and choosing well move us closer to a stress-free life. If we have nothing to hide or regret and live that way as a practice, we live more simply and freely. This is yoga.

Interpretations of Ahimsa

As Gandhi said, “If one does not practice nonviolence in his personal relationships with others, he is vastly mistaken. Nonviolence, like charity, must begin at home.” Our homes and interpretations of ahimsa may look a little different from one another’s. The Vedas encourage honoring our own dharma, or path, as we follow principles such as ahimsa.

My mom and dad have always shown my sister and me that we coexist with all beings, including small ones. Bugs take care of weeds and pollinate our Earth. Birds feed on bugs and fish. We all contribute to the health of our planet. If we can show ahimsa by being kind to even the smallest creature—such as letting an insect outside instead of killing it—we start to see the world differently, through a much wider lens. Here, fellow yoga practitioners and teachers share their unique understandings of ahimsa:

Ahimsa Within Self

“I believe and try to teach that ahimsa is foundational in yoga in and of itself, but also is a foundational principle of the other four yamas. For example, with the yama satya, or truthfulness, truth is relative and embodies ahimsa: Be honest but not if it’s causing unnecessary pain or harm. Ask yourself, “Am I looking to speak my truth at any cost, or should I stop at the moment of possibly causing harm?” Another way ahimsa is practiced in the yoga community is by becoming vegan or vegetarian. While having a mostly vegetarian diet is good, going completely meat- and dairy-free doesn’t work for every individual. A kinder option is to teach people to discern what is best for their bodies and their health. And... not shame people for their choices.”—Sangeeta Vallabhan, a yoga teacher in New York City

Watch 10-Minute Ahimsa Yoga Sequence

Ahimsa Within Community

“Equally, we are all co-creators in a community of learning. I have learned to practice a Gandhian model of nonviolent classroom management that centers on equality and mutual respect. Each group of learners creates a list of expectations that we have for each other, and we emphasize that the teacher is one among all in this community. Students request things like ‘teachers and students should be fair and not have favorites.’ We all follow these guidelines and counsel each other as needed.” —Susanna Barkataki, Founder of Ignite Yoga

Ahimsa Within Collective Humanity

“Primum non nocere, or ‘First, do no harm.’ I grew up in a family of scientists. My mom is a plant pathologist-turned-pharmacologist, and I have an older brother whose disillusionment with the US health-care industry led him to take his MD and PhD to new frontiers and startups in the Bay Area. Perhaps because of these two, my relationship to ahimsa has been shaped by bioethics, medical ethics, and what today are known more generally as sustainability and public health. For example, I feel uncomfortable attending a yoga studio that sells exorbitantly overpriced swag, not only because it’s silly to think you need fancy pants to practice humility and self-awareness, but also because studies have shown that the athleisure industry is polluting our oceans. If what’s best for you ends up coming at a cost to the environment and someone else’s well-being, what you’re perpetuating is a culture of harm even if it’s sold to you with the feel-good rhetoric of ‘self-care.’”—Rumya S. Putcha, PhD, assistant professor of women’s and gender studies at the University of Georgia

When we see ahimsa in action, it keeps us in positive connection with ourselves and the world. I see ahimsa in a news story about an eight-year-old boy helping another eight-year-old boy with autism feel better on the first day of school. I see it when my neighbor helps his wife through illness with love or when I learn that a friend is organizing plastic cleanups on beaches. It’s there when I choose a nourishing meal to serve my body in the midst of a busy workday. Ahimsa is present and relevant to all, in each of our unique lives. Bringing awareness to it as a practice is key to its continuation and expansion. What is your understanding of ahimsa, and where do you see its positive impact in your life, community, and world?

See also Sanskrit 101: 4 Reasons Why Studying This Ancient Language Is Worth Your Time

About the author

Rina Deshpande is a teacher, writer, and researcher of yoga and mindfulness practices. Follow her at @rinathepoet and learn more at rinadeshpande.com.

[amyddaniels]

What is Ahimsa?

Ahimsa, or nonviolence, is one of yoga’s ethical principles. Explore its origins and how it might be interpreted and practiced in your everyday life.

Ahimsa in Sanskrit

When we hear about concepts like nonviolence, we often think of historical figures such as Mohandas Gandhi or Martin Luther King Jr. leading movements for peace in the face of oppression. Several articles mislabel Gandhi as a “father” of nonviolence, not aware that he was symbolically reclaiming India’s rights and identity from the British Raj by embodying what had long been integral to ancient Indian spiritual teachings: ahimsa.

Ahimsa, commonly referred to as “nonviolence” but more literally translated from Sanskrit as “absence of injury” is an ancient concept originating in the Vedas—Indian spiritual and philosophical wisdom dating from as far back as 1900 BCE, or nearly 4,000 years ago. The Vedas, approximately meaning “divine knowledge,” were considered authorless and were originally passed down in oral tradition for centuries. Four Vedas, which make up the Bhagavad Gita, were eventually compiled and written down in Sanskrit by a sage known as Vyasa. Another sage, Patanjali, is said to have studied these Vedic texts and developed what we know as the Yoga Sutra and the basis of classical yoga’s eight limbs.

See also The First Book of Yoga: The Enduring Influence of the Bhagavad Gita

Ahimsa is part of the first of the eight limbs known as yama, or practices of self-regulation designed to free us from being victims of our own human impulses. Yama practices are likened to cleaning techniques for our minds, bodies, and spirits that allow us to live more conscious, liberated lives. In addition to being a yama in yoga, ahimsa is also a foundational principle of Hinduism, Buddhism, and Jainism.

See also 10 Ways to Bring the Yamas + Niyamas Into Your Yoga Practice

Great leaders such as Gandhi lived by the teaching ahimsa parama dharma: “Nonviolence is our greatest walk of life.” But with our modern-day responsibilities and jobs, we may not live ahimsa as a sole way of life. Instead, there are ways we can live day to day that allow us to see the benefits of ahimsa in practice.

Witnessing Harm

The word “practice” implies something that takes work, time, and refining. Ahimsa as a practice of not injuring others might seem straightforward in theory: Of course I shouldn’t throw a tantrum if I don’t get my way. Of course I shouldn’t bully someone to get in front of them in line at the store. Of course I shouldn’t lie. We also recognize that this theory is often so much harder to put into practice—and maintain.

As I was writing at a coffee shop in New York City recently, three women came in and sat next to my table on what appeared to be a work break. They laughed as they shared comments on the weather and talked about their jobs and upcoming travel. Soon, one of the women said she had to get to a meeting and headed back to the office while the other two stayed behind, all of them waving and smiling. When she was out of sight, though, the remaining two women began talking poorly about the person who had just left. In a few minutes it went from a few whispered comments to bonding in laughter over criticisms between sips of coffee. What they didn’t realize was that the woman had left her cellphone behind and had run back into the coffee shop, overhearing the last jab. The pain from injurious words that flushed through each of their faces, minds, and bodies was palpable. Even as an observer, I felt it.

See also Nurture Ahimsa (Non-Harming) on the Mat

Inflicting injury does not only mean causing physical harm to other people. Words, tones, behaviors, and even our thoughts can turn into weapons if used destructively. In the Vedas, the ways of delivering harm are kayaka (“of the hand,” or physical actions), vācaka (“expressive,” or words), and manasika (“of the mind,” or thoughts).

Technically, no one was physically hurt in the coffee shop, but the injury through an expression of words—vācaka—led to what felt like physical pain. The women’s flushed cheeks almost looked like the mark of a physical slap or sickness, and the nausea in my stomach made me feel like I had been winded by a blow—kayaka. Based on the looks in their eyes, it was obvious that painful thoughts were coursing through their minds—manasika.

Though we can consider physical, word-based, or thought-based forms of harm as separate, we should understand that all of them are inextricably linked. And we can see that while the incident in the coffee shop was seemingly divided between inflictors of pain and a recipient of pain, it was everyone who suffered—both in the moment and beyond.

See also Deeper Meanings of 4 Common Sanskrit Words

It’s easy to assume that the moment of pain happened because the person being secretly ridiculed returned to the café. If she hadn’t come back, then she wouldn’t have found out, and no harm would have been done. But if we take the time to look deeply and mindfully into the experience, we’ll understand that when we inflict pain on others, we suffer ourselves, whether consciously or not, and perpetuate a cycle of hurt. If we live our lives by smiling and saying one thing, only to turn around and say or do the opposite, we also likely imagine a world where others are doing this to us. This contributes to ongoing insecurities and a defensiveness in relationships, which negatively impact our lives and those of our loved ones.

The ahimsa-based practices of pausing, looking ahead, empathizing, and choosing well move us closer to a stress-free life. If we have nothing to hide or regret and live that way as a practice, we live more simply and freely. This is yoga.

Interpretations of Ahimsa

As Gandhi said, “If one does not practice nonviolence in his personal relationships with others, he is vastly mistaken. Nonviolence, like charity, must begin at home.” Our homes and interpretations of ahimsa may look a little different from one another’s. The Vedas encourage honoring our own dharma, or path, as we follow principles such as ahimsa.

My mom and dad have always shown my sister and me that we coexist with all beings, including small ones. Bugs take care of weeds and pollinate our Earth. Birds feed on bugs and fish. We all contribute to the health of our planet. If we can show ahimsa by being kind to even the smallest creature—such as letting an insect outside instead of killing it—we start to see the world differently, through a much wider lens. Here, fellow yoga practitioners and teachers share their unique understandings of ahimsa:

Ahimsa Within Self

“I believe and try to teach that ahimsa is foundational in yoga in and of itself, but also is a foundational principle of the other four yamas. For example, with the yama satya, or truthfulness, truth is relative and embodies ahimsa: Be honest but not if it’s causing unnecessary pain or harm. Ask yourself, “Am I looking to speak my truth at any cost, or should I stop at the moment of possibly causing harm?” Another way ahimsa is practiced in the yoga community is by becoming vegan or vegetarian. While having a mostly vegetarian diet is good, going completely meat- and dairy-free doesn’t work for every individual. A kinder option is to teach people to discern what is best for their bodies and their health. And... not shame people for their choices.”—Sangeeta Vallabhan, a yoga teacher in New York City

Watch 10-Minute Ahimsa Yoga Sequence

Ahimsa Within Community

“Equally, we are all co-creators in a community of learning. I have learned to practice a Gandhian model of nonviolent classroom management that centers on equality and mutual respect. Each group of learners creates a list of expectations that we have for each other, and we emphasize that the teacher is one among all in this community. Students request things like ‘teachers and students should be fair and not have favorites.’ We all follow these guidelines and counsel each other as needed.” —Susanna Barkataki, Founder of Ignite Yoga

Ahimsa Within Collective Humanity

“Primum non nocere, or ‘First, do no harm.’ I grew up in a family of scientists. My mom is a plant pathologist-turned-pharmacologist, and I have an older brother whose disillusionment with the US health-care industry led him to take his MD and PhD to new frontiers and startups in the Bay Area. Perhaps because of these two, my relationship to ahimsa has been shaped by bioethics, medical ethics, and what today are known more generally as sustainability and public health. For example, I feel uncomfortable attending a yoga studio that sells exorbitantly overpriced swag, not only because it’s silly to think you need fancy pants to practice humility and self-awareness, but also because studies have shown that the athleisure industry is polluting our oceans. If what’s best for you ends up coming at a cost to the environment and someone else’s well-being, what you’re perpetuating is a culture of harm even if it’s sold to you with the feel-good rhetoric of ‘self-care.’”—Rumya S. Putcha, PhD, assistant professor of women’s and gender studies at the University of Georgia

When we see ahimsa in action, it keeps us in positive connection with ourselves and the world. I see ahimsa in a news story about an eight-year-old boy helping another eight-year-old boy with autism feel better on the first day of school. I see it when my neighbor helps his wife through illness with love or when I learn that a friend is organizing plastic cleanups on beaches. It’s there when I choose a nourishing meal to serve my body in the midst of a busy workday. Ahimsa is present and relevant to all, in each of our unique lives. Bringing awareness to it as a practice is key to its continuation and expansion. What is your understanding of ahimsa, and where do you see its positive impact in your life, community, and world?

See also Sanskrit 101: 4 Reasons Why Studying This Ancient Language Is Worth Your Time

About the author

Rina Deshpande is a teacher, writer, and researcher of yoga and mindfulness practices. Follow her at @rinathepoet and learn more at rinadeshpande.com.

[joyfullyherland-blog]

King Size Foam Mattress

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In the past, whenever a the ideal ethics triggered one express to risk another, order with chaos using a self-disciplined demand composition for defense, suggested the essential difference relating to enslavement or even success. A systematic entry to normal means, relying with a manipulate of status economic wealth, both when it comes to violence together with defence appeared. Spiritual along with governmental pulls aesthetic a feeling, about ego, honour, glory or potential deterioration, were fused right into daily run, to instil a typical function meant for both assault and defence. Today, a lot more real procedure of getting arrangement from chaos is mostly about feels linking together with the process with ethical innovative idea, with quantum entanglement, to obtain a cutting edge medical nanotechnology technology to steer ennobling international federal. The medical research from the 18th Century logician Immanuel Kant and its particular relevance to the understanding from ethics, has become viewed for a important problem for the survival involving civilisation. This fundamental finding belongs with the fractal intuition now upholding the quantum inbreed chemistry regarding the fresh Florentine Renaissance business. The venture’s owners, Professor Paolo Manzelli in addition to Professor Massimo Pregnolato, awarded that Georgio Napolitano Medal for the Republic of Italy designed for developing this quantum chemistry and biology chemistry of the new Renaissance, are going to have dramatic proof in the Humanities regarding the worldwide importance of their succeed. The growing influential essential mind-set with such organisations the moment the Telesio- Galilei Academy of Science, Greater london, has recognised the value of the popular Florentine Renaissance. By breaking free of the yoke for this twentieth One hundred year entropic world-view, the Academy’s huge selection of systematic and educational scholars can appreciate a vital association between your new Renaissance chemistry and also the Florentine Completely new Measurement involving Humanity Job. The a few 1996 Nobel Laureates had used the logic for the engineer Buckminster Fuller to see their Fullerene Chemistry to be a base with regard to medical everyday life science institute called K Sixty Inc. Harvard University’s Novartis Teacher Amy Edmondson, internationally known for her contributions to be able to reasoning ways to study science that's aesthetic the organization sector, had printed that Buckminster Richer had made their essential synergistic potential concepts with the mathematical writings to your Greek philosopher Plato. Necessary, the Science-Art Hub in Australia, renamed that chemistry since Platonic-Fullerene Hormone balance. 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